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astro-rainbow777 · 2 months

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🍒⛽️Red Astrology Observations☎️👠

Mars in Astrology

💋 Passion in Astrology can be found in the Mars sign and house placement:

- Aries Mars are more passionate In nature, whatever they want, they go after, fiercely and bravely. The type to love sports, fights and competition of any kind. They thrive in a competitive environment and relationships. It possible their passion is tied to their childhood in some way (same for Mars in 1st)- so if this involves child hood toys they used to collect, eating their favorite foods growing up or playing games that they used to when times were simpler.

- Mars in 1st house can make the native very passionate about their looks, being perceived as dominate/hot/sexy, working out and having physical strength. I’ve noticed that they may like competition but generally they don’t try that hard to compete with others if they are in good health. If these natives are confident in themselves- they try so hard to boost the confidence of everyone around them.

- Taurus Mars can be passionate about their possessions, having their material needs met, connecting to their 5 senses and financial gain. “Anyone can cook” 👨🏻‍🍳 🤌🏻mentality. Passionate about rest! This may sound silly- but it’s actually quite hard to master, especially in hustle culture. As someone with no earth placements in their chart, it’s extremely hard for me to rest, slow down and enjoy my food. Be present, Taurus mars understands and values this. Not the type to gamble their money away. Needs things to make sense materially.

- Mars in 2nd house makes the individual very passionate and their financial security and safety, having their basic needs met, having an abundance of possessions. They can thrive in jobs that are considered a “competitive pay” corporation. They may love shopping, spending and saving money. They value passion and material wealth, so depending on what sign the Mars placement is in can add more context of what it surrounds. Bulk spenders, Costco/Sams Club membership holders lmao.

- Mars in Gemini is very multi faceted in what they are passionate about. They have little niches and hobbies that they love, anything that challenges them mentally while also being hands on! My mom has this and she’s really into gardening and cooking with the food she’s grown. She can get very restless about it but I think that it’s so cute how whatever she is passionate about consumes her mentally.

- Mars in 3rd is passionate about mental pursuits, they could have been picked on as a kid, which made them highly ambitious in their studies. Extremely competitive in the realm of knowledge. Their peers and siblings may see them as a threat or just see them as generally argumentative. Although I think these people just enjoy a good debate and exercising their intellectual capabilities. They could have an abundance of hobbies they indulge in and our passionate about. They may bound with their friends through their hobbies and passions. Could really enjoy competitive video games such as Smash Bros.

- Mars in Cancer natives are passionate about their family and proving themselves to their family. They could have been compared to their family members a lot growing up, or just felt an instability at home. They are passionate about cultivating a home for themselves and starting a family of their own one day. This does not have to be pertinent to kids- chosen family- fur babies 🐾 or significant other also ring true for this sign. - Mars in 4th are passionate about their loved ones, they are highly protective of themselves and others. These people are quite competitive but in a passive aggressive way. They are usually at war with their own emotions, family and security. I’ve noticed many of these individuals have had violence in childhood home or trauma surrounding family ):

- Mars in Leo they are passionate about their creativity, children and having fun! Would love to have this Mars placement honestly, because these people march to the beat of their own drum. It’s very admirable! They are passionate about their own authenticity, you will never catch them trying to steal someone else’s Swag lmao. I think they invented swag quite honestly 😂

- Mars in 5th are total party animals! They are passionate about life and all that the world has to offer. The world is their Oyster! Every sidewalk is their runway and every song they hear is the backtrack for the movie they star in! Their life is all about being confident in their own skin and romanticizing their selves, relationships and passion projects.

- Mars in Virgo are passionate about helping others and being the best version of themselves. This Mars sign is notoriously known for being able to try something once and being exceptionally good at it the first go. I hate to say it (only because I know it comes from a place of pain) but these natives are passionate about perfection. This can cause them a lot of anxiety if they are careful. Although, they are good at many things, it is advised that they lean into whatever makes them happy, serve their part in making the world a better place!

- Mars in 6th are passionate about their purpose, their health and their pets. They can spend a lot of time researching how to become better versions of themselves. They will have a very active routine and live passionately day to day. The type to wake up at sunrise, take their vitamins tend to their pets needs, cook a whole food breakfast, workout, meditate, journal, than go to work, tend to their pets needs, do their night time self care, hygiene, journal, meditate, pre sleep stretch, sleep exactly 8 hours, repeat. Function well with planners.

- Mars in Libra are passionate about harmony and balance. When I tell you their whole plan of action is strictly devoted to how not to get into conflict… it’s to the tea. They are super passionate about the relationships in their life, and are very generous in nature. They love art, certain aesthetics, good food and beautiful things. They may be called lazy from time to time because they don’t quite function the way other people do. They may make plans for 50 different things one day because they have a difficult time saying no- then end up going to none of them because they didn’t finish getting ready until everything event was finished. These people invented fashionably late.

- Mars in 7th is passionate about their partnerships. These natives are actually quite confrontational in comparison to Libra Mars. This is because they want to squash the beef before it’s even a problem. There may be a tendency to people please- but most of the time these people are just socially extroverted, kind and considerate.

- Mars in Scorpio is another sign that is just passionate in nature. It is so intense for them that it is hard for them to do anything if they not completely engulfed in passion. They psychoanalyze everyone they meet, at natural detectives and are friends with the unknown. They aren’t scared of the dark and often find so much beauty in what others cannot comprehend

- Mars in 8th are passionate about the unknown as well, it is very enticing to them. Anything involving mystery is naturally alluring to them. They love to get lost in rabbit holes of whatever they are interested in. Whatever it is they are the master of- and you question them about it, they’ve already thought of answer. Because they know their hobbies are often taboo, scary, and misunderstood- they have studied every answer to every question that someone had for them. Their passions are all encompassing. They are so much more than deep. Everything they do is intentional.

- Mars in Sagittarius are adventurous, hilarious and curious. I feel like Sagittarius more than Gemini Mars has that “Curiosity killed that cat” vibe. For Gemini mars it’s more like googling disturbing thing’s because they are curious than regretting it. For Sag tho, it’s doing things because YOLO and why tf not? Than breaking their leg or something. Although doesn’t happen often because we know how lucky Sag placements are lmao. But it’s like they jumped off a cliff, didn’t die but they broke their leg. Haha- this was a tangent

- Mars in 9th is going places! Literally they can’t sit still. Most likely passionate about travel, philosophy, and adventure. One of the most fun placements to have. Extreme sports is common here, skydiving, bungee jumping etc. They live to experience all that there is to experience. Very ambitious and passionate about education and teaching as well. They probably have things that they LlVE by

- Mars in Capricorn are passionate about success, achieving their goals which usually require them to work really hard. Where ever the mars is located in the houses can tell you a little bit more about what their goals are. They are passionate about being in control of their own lives, not takin shid from anyone lol

- Mars in 10th are passionate about being successful, being their own boss, their reputation and getting external recognition. They will put a lot of energy into their career and be very passionate about whatever they are doing. They will be a trail blazer and their career because they do it the right way the first time. Extremely hard workers- just be weary of burn out Mars in 10th folks!

- Mars in Aquarius is passionate about humanitarian pursuits, their community and friendships. They move about the world in the most unpredictable and unexpected way. They can be seen as a black sheep of their peers and then BAM they’re the ones turning heads, setting trends and on top. You will never know their next move and honestly neither do they! They get sudden bursts or urges of motivation and ideas- so never underestimate these individuals!

- Mars in 11th are passionate about their dreams, humanity and social causes. They will spend a lot of time surrounded by their friends and in their community. Although, their best friends will be fighting alongside them. They are passionate about the injustices of the world, stick up for the underdog and let their freak flag fly!

- Mars in Pisces are passionate about compassion, sacrifice, and unconditional love. Many of the times Pisces mars has their head in the clouds and put their energy into reading or writing their own book, painting the world they envisioned in their dream the night before, or staring at a the ocean, only to find God. This is if they are in a healthy nature, but many times they could escape through dr*gs, alc*h*l, s*x, or toxic relationships. This placement can get a bad rap for their changeability and confusion energy but they love harder than no other and would do anything for you if committed.

- Mars in 12th is passionate about their dreams, spiritually, many of them are religious or spiritual in nature. I haven’t met many who aren’t. They are natural introverts who need to spend as much time alone as they can to recharge. They may feel outcasted from society. A lot of people talk behind their back because of this which makes them withdraw even deeper. These natives benefit from living a spiritual, service oriented lifestyle, developing boundaries and surround themselves by people who genuinely want the best for them. It is hard but it is doable. Stay strong Mars in 12th!

🤬💢Pet Peeves🚨🚩

🚗Aries Mars- Going too slow in front of them-especially with no way around (applies to driving as well), lazy people, people who can’t keep up 💢Taurus Mars- Smacking, chewing inappropriately, weird textures….like chalk? Unpleasant senses, smells, being rushed, itchy clothes, under/over cooked food

☎️Gemini Mars- over stimulation, close minded attitude, when their friends don’t like each other, one word responses, boring people, when the Wi-Fi connection is slow

💔Cancer Mars- Inconsiderate of other people’s feelings (doesn’t have to be their own, most time it’s not), manipulation, people with anger issues, or people who take out their problems on others

🪭Leo Mars- When people try to compete with them when they are merely existing, copy cats, buzz kills, unwanted attention, seeing people in public that they don’t want to see

🤡 Virgo Mars- Know it alls, people who act like they know everything but don’t, ignorance, STAINS, people who are really loud….people lmaooo

💋Libra Mars- hypocrisy, stubbornness, arguments (especially in public), hypercritical people, slut and bullies

🧲Scorpio Mars- Lack of depth, lying for the sake of lying, slut shaming, shallow people, assuming, saying “I love you” like it’s casual, saying their friends when they know nothing about them, rumors

🚁Sagittarius Mars- People who lack independence, being late to things (not really others…they hate being late), people who try to control them, excess responsibility, and inflexibility

🩸Capricorn Mars- Doing things half-a$$ed, moochers, lack of ambition, unreliable, carelessness, immaturity, unpredictable behavior

🍄Aquarius Mars- Conformist, cry babies, stupidity, agreeing with them when they are playing devils advocate lol, when they like an unpopular artist and than it becomes trendy, attention seekers

🌹Pisces Mars- Telling them they are being unrealistic or their dreams are too big, being called sensitive or told they care too much, lmao reality…being alive hahaha- being judged for their spirituality/religion

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holylulusworld · 2 months

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TOL - I’m your daddy now (1) - Lloyd Hansen

Summary: You reached the end of the rope.

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x Singlemom!Reader

Warnings: plus-sized reader, needy Lloyd, Lloyd being Lloyd, Lloyd is an ass and boob enthusiast, mentions of sex for money, money trouble, mentions of cheating (her ex), groping, slight mommy kink (kinda, it's Lloyd)

A/N: This is part of my Traders of love (lust) masterlist series. It's the prequel to TOL - Like a virgin (Bucky Barnes) and tells the story about Lloyd and his assistant sunshine.

You reached the end of the rope.

With your three-year-old little boy depending on you, it’s not easy to face reality. In two weeks, you will have to leave your home. The bank will take the house, and even the wreck of a car you call your own.

Your deadbeat of a husband left you with nothing but debs and resentment for men. He’s out and about with a younger, prettier, and slimmer girl. – His words, not yours.

While you tried to save your marriage, he fucked some woman he met at a bar behind your back. You knew he was a sleazy and worthless bastard, but never expected him to turn his back on his son too.

It’s not that you didn’t try anything to make enough money to pay for the mortgage and feed your son. One too many nights you went to bed hungry, only lukewarm water in your belly to at least save enough money to buy food for your baby boy.

“Mommy,” your little boy yawns as he looks up at you. He holds out his chubby hands, whining because you don’t pick him up. You just look at him for a moment, feeling your heart chatter all over again.

“How could I ever fall for your father,” you sniffle when you pick your son up. You peck his cheek and sigh. “At least he gave me you. The only good thing coming out of this relationship.”

You nuzzle his cheek and try to ignore the ache in your chest, and your growling stomach. At least you got paid yesterday. It’s not enough to keep the house for another month, but you can get food on the table.

Whatever happens tomorrow, you don’t know. The website you found promised help in hopeless situations. You never know with the internet, but it’s your last resort.

If they don’t keep their promises, you’ll end up on the street with your son only because your husband ran off with all of your savings. He even stole the money your grandmother left you for desperate times.

“Hi, uh-I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I have an appointment,” you wring your hands while looking around the lobby of the building inheriting the company promising to save your home. The woman at the reception doesn’t even look your way. She huffs and lifts her perfectly manicured index finger to stop you from talking.

“I don’t think you are what we are looking for,” she snaps at you, and your heart sinks. You look down at your body, sighing deeply. The business outfit you are wearing is a tight fit. You gained weight during pregnancy you never got the chance to lose. “You should go home and bake cookies for your kid.”

She points her finger at the stain on your blouse, simply to embarrass you even more. Some women are like that. They try to feel better, or above you by making you feel small.

“Kiki, that is enough,” you flinch when a hand brushes over your ass. The man pats your cheeks, humming happily. “What do we have here?” He purrs and gropes one cheek. “A perfect plump ass.”

“Mr. Hansen, Sir,” the woman splutters. She looks like she saw a ghost, or worse, a monster wanting to eat her alive. “I told her that she doesn’t belong here.”

“Kiki, Kiki,” Hansen tuts while patting your ass. “I decide who belongs here.”

You don’t know what to do. Usually, you’d slap any guy trying to feel you up across the face or kick their balls. But this man could be your way out of your financial crisis.

“Yes, of course, Mr. Hansen but just look at her,” she squeaks, and points at you. “I don’t think any of our clients want something like this to fulfill their…”

“ENOUGH!” Hansen slams his fist onto the receptionist's desk, making Kiki flinch. “We never talk about our clients nor our employees in front of people outside of our organization. You are dismissed.”

“What?” She stares at Hansen in disbelief. “For today or…”

“Forever,” he huffs and turns around. The man brushes his index finger and thumb over his mustache and grins like he saw something he’d love to devour. You are afraid it’s you.

“I have an appointment,” you clear your throat and try to ignore your heart hammers in your chest. This man looks more like a wolf, with sharp teeth and glowing eyes, than a man.

“I know, sunshine,” he smirks and holds out his hand. “Please excuse my annoying assistant. She’s no longer working for me.”

You’d love to roll your eyes at the man in front of you. He’s one of the guys who believe you must immediately fall for his charm and non-existent manners.

“If you’d like to follow me inside my office, sugar plum,” he wraps his arm around your shoulders, and snickers, "we can talk about your problems and how to solve them.”

“So…” He plops down on a leather couch. He pats the seat next to him, but you prefer standing in the room. “What brings you here, sunshine. How can Lloyd help you?”

“I found your website while searching for a way to keep my house,” you lick your lips. You hate that you must talk about your situation with this man.

“Humor me,” he smirks and pats the seat again. “If you want me to help you, I want to know it all. From the beginning.”

He tilts his head and looks you up and down. “What do you want to know?” You huff and cross your arms over your chest. “I came here, even though your offer sounded fishy. I reached the end of the rope.” You throw your hands up, and sniffle.

“Now, now. No tears in Lloyd Hansen’s office,” he gets up to march toward you. Lloyd cups your face and tilts your head. “I need to know every detail, sunshine. If you are lying, I’ll send you home with a slap to your plump ass.”

“Fine,” you snap at him and push against his chest. “Quit pro quo, Mr. Hansen. After I told you everything about my situation, I want the truth about your offer.”

“Be my guest,” he smirks darkly. “I hope you don’t pee your pants getting to know the truth.”

“I came this far,” you sniff, “you don’t scare me, Mr. Hansen. You’re not the first man wanting me to fail.”

“A cocky one, I see,” Lloyd says as he sits back down on the sofa. “Begin, then.”

“What do you want to know? That my deadbeat of a husband left me for some bitch he met at a bar?” You drop your bag onto his desk and take your jacket off. “Or that I must raise my three-year-old son without him because his dick was more important?”

You stride toward Lloyd and step between his legs. He looks up at you, amused as you cup your tits. “I will lose my house and my car. I don’t make enough money to keep the house. He stole the money I spared to give her a nice life.”

“I see,” he licks his lips. “I think you already got what I have to offer.” Lloyd tilts his head and smirks as you start to unbutton your blouse.

“You want me to fuck you, right? That’s all this is about,” you wrinkle your nose. “And I’ll get the money I need to keep my house.”

He grins now. “Sunshine, you didn’t get that this is about business. I’ll put you on my website and my clients can decide if they want to fuck you or not.”

“Oh…” You sigh deeply. “I guess this means there is no hope.” You turn around to grab your bag. “Sorry for wasting your time.”

“Sunshine, wait,” he’s on his feet before you can grab your jacket. “I didn’t say you can just leave. Don’t you want to end up getting fucked good by my clients?”

“Do you honestly believe I was waiting to get fucked by random douches,” you turn back around and slap Lloyd with your bag. “I came here to find help, not dick.”

His grin widens as you slap his chest, face, and shoulder with your bag. “Careful, sunshine. If you don’t watch out, you’ll end up making me rock hard.”

“You’re disgusting,” you wrinkle your nose and cock a brow.

“Oh, mommy can get mad,” he purrs and roams your body with his eyes. “I bet you are a strict mommy, huh? Do you scold your baby boy?”

“No!” You snap at Lloyd. “Keep my son out of this!” You slap him with your bag again. “Never mention my kid again, you asshole!”

“I knew you were special, sunshine,” he chuckles and grabs your wrist to keep you from slapping him again. “A wildcat ready to scratch and bite me.”

“I’m a tiger mommy if you want to know,” you growl and snap your teeth at Lloyd when he tries to press his lips to yours. “I’ll do anything to protect my son.”

“Sunshine, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Lloyd drops his hands from your arms to grab your face again. This time he kisses you roughly. You bite his lower lip, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He greedily shoves his tongue inside your mouth, devouring your mouth. “I think you’ll make a grand-prime assistant slash sexy bunny for me…”

Part 2

#lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen x you #traders of love #lloyd hansen x plussized!reader #plussized reader #lloyd hansen x y/n #I’m your daddy now (1)

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envy-of-the-apple · 2 months

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ok I'm SO glad you love to answer questions bc I have so many. First of all, how will gojo act when Ms moon is completely under his thumb as a pregnant housewife? Will he be kind until she hurts his domestic fantasies (by having breakdowns from being trapped in a golden cage, for eg), will he put up with her pregnancy mood swings and try to spoil her or will he leave all that to the servants and just come home for the sex or wtv? And omg what kind of a dad will he be?? Basically, will he maintain any actual intimacy (beyond sex) w her after he "owns" her or will he be typical neglectful rich husband and father? And omg will we cover any of this in part 2?? Love ur writing btw ❤️

Gojo will definitely be the MOST romantic. Yeah, he basically bullied you into becoming his subservient partner, and you can’t ever leave him, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun together. After your 'reunion,' he'd definitely drag you out to ride those swan boat things. And pictures! He's big on pictures.

I feel like now, when he’s older, he’ll find other ways to keep you in line other than pure bullying. He’ll probably threaten to financially ruin you. Ruin the lives of everyone you love etc etc. Technically, your new life isn’t horrible enough for you to break completely. You still have some semblance of freedom. Just don't ever run from him, again.

Satoru would definitely be a bad dad. He’ll see any kids you do end up having as “collateral” or an inconvenience he has to put up with you staying with him. Again, he doesn't truly want kids but if it'll make you stay....I think the one good thing would be that he won’t be obvious about it. He’ll smile at them, ruffle their hair, the occasional “good job buddy!”. Behind closed doors, when it’s just you and him, he’d definitely complain about the brats and the rising hints of sending them to a school overseas. He’s DEFINITELY petty enough to get jealous of his own kids. Especially when they’re babies and really dependent on you, he’ll often say things like “again? Can’t it just sleep it off?” or “you’re really lucky I’m willing you share you with them”. It’d get better as they grow older and less and less dependent on you.

He provides for them, financially at least. Gojo will hire Nannies and whoever you want to come care for your kids. If it’s the middle of the night and your child wakes up crying, with enough begging from you he MIGHT reluctantly get up to rock your kid back to sleep. But mostly, you and the nannies care for the kid.

He’s not completely heartless. Once the kids get a tad bit older and start relying on you a little less, his relationship with them may change. It entirely depends on the kids, though. If they consider him their personal hero he might develop a soft spot for them. If they don’t, then he’ll just tolerate them for your sake.

#yandere jjk #yandere #dark content #dark gojo satoru #dark jjk #“The Sun Eats the Moon” Asks #SEM

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sapphic-agent · 5 months

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Can you please get into how much the fandom demonizes Rei? Like, I’m not disagreeing that she wasn’t the best mother. But people really turn this woman (who is financially, socially, AND emotionally dependent on her husband and Clan!) into some abusive mother who WANTED to burn Shoto’s face! When it’s obvious that she was begging her mother to take her away from the house because she was too stressed out from Endeavor’s influence and Touya’s death!

I don’t know, I just think she’s not a perfect mother, but nobody can be a perfect mother. She clearly did her best with what she had, and who would’ve believed her if she said Endeavor was an abusive husband and father? The police? Other heroes? No! I bet Endeavor would’ve claimed that SHE was the terrible parent and that she was suffering from PPSD (which, she probably was, four kids, two of which were born when Endeavor started getting obsessed with overcoming All Might? She definitely had that) and she would’ve ended up in the hospital no matter what.

Let's talk about it😈

So I was actually skimming through the manga where Shoto mentions this. He says that his mother was pushed and pushed by Endeavor until she just broke. And I love this because Shoto understands that his mom was in a shitty situation and never intended to hurt him. Unlike this shitty fandom, he's aware enough to see who was the abuser and who was the one who made a mistake.

Let's go over Rei's past for a minute. She:

Grew up in an environment that was at the best neglectful and at the worst abusive

Was sold like an object (and yes this is canon, the Himura Clan canonically sells their children it was a forced marriage, not an arranged marriage)

Married Endeavor and had Touya at 18

Already, she was dealt a shitty hand. Endeavor is also four years older than her, so he was 22 while she was only barely an adult. Even outside her being bought by him, there's a huge power imbalance here. Even if he was polite and nice in the beginning, she was at a major disadvantage in their "relationship."

One of my gripes with Horikoshi and the later parts of the manga is the retcon of the Todoroki past. How Shoto tells the story and how it's portrayed later are very different.

In Shoto's version, Endeavor hit Rei for defending him from Endeavor. In the Touya flashback, she tripped. In Shoto's version, Endeavor only saw his children as means to an end. In the Touya flashback, he's portrayed as caring about them. In Shoto's version, there's a menacing and villainous aura surrounding Endeavor. In the Touya flashback he's portrayed normally.

And this is done to make Endeavor look more sympathetic. Which is bad not only because he was an abuser who doesn't deserve sympathy, it also antagonizes Touya and Rei in the process.

(People could argue that Shoto's love for his mother and young age make him an unreliable narrator. But to me this is dismissing the victim. Shoto might have been young, but he recalls enough to tell it in excruciating detail. It was a huge part of his life and writing it off like that does him a disservice)

So there are two instances specifically that people demonize Rei for.

1. Shoto's Burn

Now this is the one that is her responsibility. My thing is though... No one ever said it wasn't? Least of all Rei herself. Once she saw Shoto again, she immediately apologized. During the event itself, she realized what she did and broke down and tried to fix it. She also spent 10 years in asylum paying for what she did (which is more consequence than Endeavor faced btw).

The thing no one seems to acknowledge about this is that this didn't come from nowhere. She didn't do what she did out of cruelty or hatred towards her son. She did it because Endeavor had abused her to the point of insanity. To the point where even seeing them in her kids' faces caused her to have a complete mental breakdown. Which is understandable due to the physical, verbal, financial, and sexual abuse he was putting her through.

You know, there's an irl story like this. A woman was suffering from severe PPD and other mental issues after having four kids I think it was. Doctors and everyone repeatedly told her husband that she souldn't have more kids. He didn't listen (I'm not sure if SA was involved here but I'm inclined to believe it was) and they continued to have more. Eventually one day she snapped and killed her children.

PPD is seriously dangerous when it's left untreated, even worse when that isn't the only thing going on. Rei was no doubt suffering from the ramifications of that, but on top of everything else Endeavor out her through I can't believe she didn't break earlier.

2. Touya's Situation

It baffles that people find it in themselves to blame Rei but feel sympathy towards Endeavor over Touya.

Because on top of every instance of abuse I mentioned above, Rei was also taking care of four kids completely by herself. That would be hard even without her own and Touya's mental issues.

From the manga panel I provided, she was the only one between her and Endeavor taking Touya's mental well-being seriously. She knew how having more kids would affect him and she was right. She was the one who had to deal with Touya lashing out when Endeavor ignored him (which also contributed to her breaking down and burning Shoto due to Touya emulating Endeavor).

Rei is a character who's been judged so unfairly. Partly because Endeavor fanboys, partly because Dabi/Shoto fangirls, and completely because of the misogyny that runs rampant in this fandom. She deserved so much better.

I have a fic giving Rei the justice she deserves if anyone's interested. It features my OC who happens to be Rei's quirkless younger sister. Give it a read if you want

#mha critical #bnha critical #rei todoroki deserves better #tw child abuse #tw marital rape #anti endeavor #anti enji todoroki

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 5 months

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Daughter of the Rain and Snow

Concept: Around ten years after the events of Crooked Kingdom, 25-year-old Captain Inej Ghafa frees Maya Olsen from a pleasure house in Ketterdam. Maya is looking for revenge against the man who put her in her position, a man who she knows nothing about except his name: Kaz Brekker.

Tags: @wraith--2 @lunarthecorvus @just2bubbly @real-fragments7 @ethereal-maia @cartoon-clifford @origami-butterfly

Content Warnings: in more general terms I want to remind people to be aware of the nature of Kaz and Inej's experiences and relationship since even if I'm not directly addressing these things they tend to be implicit in any writing about them, but specifically to this chapter there's ptsd references, discussion about drowning, threats, violence, and there isn’t any child death taking place but it is talked about so I wanted to mention that just to make sure I’m being clear

Chapter 15 - Kaz

“What are the chances of being arrested if I murder a member of the Merchant Council in broad daylight?” Kaz snarled as he limped into the Crow Club.

He was finally going to give Ethan this Saints-forsaken financial record. Part of him was hoping the boy was guilty after all, so he’d have an excuse to kill someone. Annika looked up from her table and snorted a short laugh.

“For anyone else pretty high. For you? Depends on the Council member,”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning it depends on whether Jesper would shoot you before the Stadwatch got there,”

“Like Jesper could take me,”

She laughed again. Kaz didn’t have time for that. He flung two bags of coins into her lap and marched on past as he said:

“One for you. One for Rotty. Keep the tables busy,”

Annika’s mock salute was the last thing he saw from the corner of his eye as he headed straight for the back room.

Ethan sat, alone, behind his desk, head half buried in the books until Kaz hit his cane against the doorframe to summon some attention. Ethan flinched and threw his head up, and upon seeing Kaz found himself somewhere between relieved and even more anxious. He closed the book in front of him with slightly trembling fingers.

“Kaz, you - I don’t-”

Kaz dropped the record into front of Ethan, open on the Olsen transaction. He took in Ethan’s twitchy manner and dishevelled appearance with a slow study if the boy, who was now leaning over and blinking several times to read the words.

“When did you last sleep?”

“Wh- I don’t- I was waiting for you,”

Ghezen, the kid hadn’t left the room since Kaz told him he’d be back with the ledger.

“It’s been 30 hours,”

“You said you didn’t know how long you’d be,”

“Well you’re useless to me like this. Go back to the Slat and get some sleep, we’ll talk about this tomorrow,”

Ethan left in a haze and Kaz shook his head as he took a chair and pulled the most recent books towards him. Something was telling him the last 2 days of adding were going to need redoing, and besides it gave him a good opportunity to read through the recent ledgers for any discrepancies. This wasn’t as good a distraction as talking to Ethan would have been, but it was something. Kaz thought of Inej pulling away from him in their little house, dark eyes burning like a fire half- hidden by the black silhouette of the moon. He flexed his fingers in his gloves.

“What was the alternative?”

“Me!”

She was right, in a way, he thought. What would their little piece of the world look like if he had taken the energy he gave to the Dregs and put it into them? A marriage that didn’t rely on letters left from the beyond, safety, security, maybe family. And where would that leave him? Following Inej around Ravka, replacing the fear of the ship with the fear of her falling from the swings? Watching her teach their children the high wire whilst he imagined them falling, saw their little bodies splayed across the concrete? Or would he still be left waiting for her ship to return, tucking the children in every night whilst they asked when their mother would come home and he had no answer to give them? Always passive, always outside, watching her life through a lens whilst he couldn’t find where he fit into it.

She would have her ship, and he would have his city.

Even now that had to be the way it was. He had watched her try to be part of his world for years and known she wasn’t happy, he couldn’t ask her to sacrifice that again. But he didn’t know if he had the strength to sacrifice his world for hers instead.

And now this.

Kaz didn’t want to blame Inej for being angry with him, but she’d read the Saintsforsaken ledger hadn’t she? She knew he’d done nothing to this girl or her father that justified her placing blame on him. Something itched at him in the corners of his mind her shut out. You didn’t want to blame Jordie. Of course he didn’t. But it seemed all a more clean cut affair with Maya’s father, didn’t it?

No matter how Maya felt though, surely Inej could see?

She reminds me of you.

Kaz had no hope of focusing on these stupid ledgers. The numbers swam from line to line, like they were taunting him with the one thing he was supposed to be able to do. This, at least he was supposed to still be good at. A glance, an acknowledgment, and the numbers should have been stored in his mind. The filing cabinets in there scrolling over a decade of records that he could call upon at will. But now he was straining to concentrate, and his mind was filled with nothing but Inej and her dark, burning eyes. Flinching away from his touch. Drowning in the harbour. Thirty hours. When had he last slept? He didn’t want to. The dream came too fresh, too often. That oil black hair spilling around her, floating in the water. Limbs drooping, borne aloft by the waves, fingers in his turning to taut and bloated flesh. He couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t reach her. He was falling from the wire without a net.

He shoved the books away and hurried out, ignoring Pim trying to get his attention as they passed each other near the stairs. He went into his office and slammed the door shut, feeling the shake of his gloved fingers on the lock. He was stronger than this. This wasn’t supposed to happen anymore.

And if it did? He wasn’t supposed to be alone.

He slid down the door and sat on the floor in cold, shivering silence, his bad leg stretched out in front of him. He had to get her, had to explain to her, had to - what? What did he even want to say?

He would move the earth for her. He would kill, had killed, for her. He would die for her. And it didn’t mean anything, because even now he didn’t show it. Because even now, he refused to torture himself with the idea of their future. Their happiness, together. In Kerch, in Ravka, they could move to the permafrost in Fjerda for all he cared. He would carve a life for her in the face of a mountain, if that was what she wanted. But it felt like an infection. It was worming its way through him, and if he didn’t quash it there was every change it might destroy him. Destroy them both. All he was so desperate to give her was impossible to say, because saying it out loud made it real. It made it something that could be lost.

Kaz didn’t know how long he’d sat there before he managed to slowly pull himself back up, weight first in the door handle and then against his cane. There were no lights on in the room. He let the door swing on its hinges as he left, to walk back to the Slat. To force himself to sleep; to let the dream wash over him so he could fight it like he’d fought everyone and everything else.

And so it was as the door swung and the lights remained off, as Kaz limped away in stoic silence and the street lamps began to glow, that no-one noticed the hand reach up from beneath the desk and leave a neat, sealed letter next to the inkwell.

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loveemagicpeace · 2 years

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⚡️Saturn & Fear⚡️

⚡️Saturn in 1st house-You may often fear new beginnings, taking initiative in your life, or asserting yourself as you would like.They may feel inhibited, censored by the outside world or an inner critic and fear of being judged by others for your appearance,character and showing who you really are. Fear of losing yourself. Success and ease can come later in life as the person gains more confidence and becomes more and more comfortable in their own skin. Don't be afraid to show who you are, because in reality you are a very exceptional and talented person.

🌨Saturn in 2nd house-fear of losing money, material things. Fear of investing money in something you are not sure about, fear of lending money to others. Maybe a fear of certain foods or too loud music. Also fear of financial instability. But as you relax that fear, you find joy in sharing what you've created and being at peace with what you've manifested in life.

🫧Saturn in 3rd house-fear of speaking and saying your opinion. Fear of self-expression. Fear that others will condemn what you say or make fun of it. You can also be afraid that people will not hear you (what you want to say or present to people in general). That something you have been creating for a long time will not be seen. Fear of cars or speeding. Your speech is strong and good, do not let silence overwhelm you. Trust your mind and voice more.

🌧Saturn in 4th house-fear of change, changing environment or home. Fear of not being safe enough , unwanted and all alone in the world.Maybe fear of losing parents or mother. Maybe the fear of separating from your family. Certain fears may exist regarding the ability to succeed and thrive on their own. Fear of the unknown and fear of change can hold them back and reliance upon what is familiar can give them a false sense of security.

⛈Saturn in 5th house -You don’t like to share with others what you do for fun or what you like because you have a feeling that people won’t accept it. U may fear of not being noticed enough and that people would not notice your creativity. Sense of being unimportant; fear of taking risks; holding back from shining; stifling pride; fear of disapproval; self-denial; restraint of enthusiasm. Maybe fear of children, pregnancy. Working with kids or investing in a creative project can do wonders for this Saturn.

🌩Saturn in 6th house-Fear of animals can be in front of a particular animal. Fear that things will not go according to plan and that the work will not go as you imagined. Fear of doctors. I’ve noticed that people with saturn here don’t like going to the doctor. Fear of disease. Patterns of self-sabotage; denial of your needs; work that threatens health; being overly responsible; serving others at expense of self. You may be afraid to work in front of others or to work somewhere in general. As they relax, doing their work with dedication and simplicity, they have the opportunity to become skilled professionals or even healers.

❤️‍🩹Saturn in 7th house-fear of going into a relationship or getting committed. Maybe fear of marriage. There may be a fear present that you will never find the right person. Fear of being left alone. Fear or social paralysis. Fear of rejection; disappointing early relationships; shouldering heavy burdens in love; marrying for societal status; love as a business alliance; overly dependent on approval.

💔Saturn in 8th house-fear of death, of losing people close to you. Fear that people will exploit your love, trust. Fear of betrayal. Fear of dark things or taboo topics.Fear of moving on , letting people go. I think that's the hardest thing about saturn here - letting go of people close to them. You may also fear of having sex or something relate to it. There can be a lot of fear about surrendering to it. Dramas of financial entanglements; fear of change; emotional isolation, obsessions and addictions. Fear of losing control and power.

☁️Saturn in 9th house-fear of flying and heights. Fear of believing in something or being committed to something in faith. Fear of traveling to unknown places.You can also be afraid of strangers. They prefer to play it safe and avoid taking risks. As they figure out what they really believe in, it becomes easier to step outside their comfort zone and even become valuable teachers for others.

🪐Saturn in 10th house-fear of scandal.Fear of being exposed in public.Lose respect and reputation. Also the fear that the audience will condemn you for not giving the audience enough. Maybe fear of the crowd, responsibility, growing up, rules. You may also be afraid of authority figures. You have the chance to become someone that other people look up to.

🏄🏽Saturn in 11th house-the fear of losing friends that you will never find a person to stand by your side. Fear that you will never belong to a society (fear of rejecting society). Fear of not achieving your dreams and goals.They may be fearful of failing their group of friends and because they’re too proud to admit failure. These natives may be terrified of being “normal” or part of a crowd, which means they can’t loosen up when interacting with others.

☔️Saturn in 12th house-fear of spirituality, unknown, subconscious, dreams, maybe even sleep. Fear of drugs, alcohol. Fear of being completely alone. You can also be afraid of water or places by the water. Also can bring a fear of opening up towards emotion, sensitivity or compassion and it can work with difficult feelings such as guilt or sadness to bring people closer to their inner world. Also people in this placement can be afraid of that they will go crazy and thats why they prefer to keep their problems to themselves. In time, as they clarify their beliefs and their emotions , they can even turn into dedicated helpers and healers.

-Rebekah🦋☔️💗

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrological houses #saturn #saturn in houses #fear #biggest fear with saturn

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mappingthemoon · 4 months

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For the past several years (can’t remember if this attitude predates the pandemic), I’ve been kinda “meh”/side-eye re: New Year’s Resolutions. I am a very goal-oriented person and feel existentially unmoored when I don’t have something that I’m working toward, be it a class, a trip, a concert, a zine or other artsy project. But I also tend to have very unrealistic expectations, namely of how much time it will actually take me to complete tasks and how much energy I will still possess after I get home from work every day. So I don’t want to put all this abstract pressure on myself for the new year and then get burned by my, idk, ENORMOUSLY OVERWHELMING CAPACITY FOR HOPES AND DREAMS (or inability to accept reality or whatever, I guess, depending on your viewpoint lol).

Last year, I got a faculty librarian job and I was able to finally quit doing part-time transcription work, a (second) job I’d held for over 11 years. I thought the sudden influx of “free time” would result in a flood of creative projects in 2023, but I didn’t get nearly as much done (or started) as I’d hoped. My new job duties brought increased stress – I supervise someone now and received zero training for this so I’m having to figure out all this soft skills work relationship stuff on my own, I’m one of only two special collections catalogers in a large academic institution and ofc our backlog is a million miles long, I have to deal with so many more dang emails and meetings as a faculty person than I did as a staff, our institution is grossly underfunded and understaffed and people keep leaving bc our wages are comparatively Bad; many of my colleagues and I are burnt out af. SO ANYWAY due to all that, instead of blossoming into a creative powerhouse now that I have only one day-job, I instead found myself sinking into the couch after work, watching youtube on the big tv screen and transforming into a sad amorphous blob.

BUT! One reason I am risking feeling slightly more hopeful about 2024 is that this year, I am scheduled to have two out of four credit card loans paid off! (I had five but already paid one off this year too :D) This will put like… nearly $400 back into my pocket each month. I hate complaining about my money situation bc I do make what would be a decent living wage for my ~lifestyle~ (2 very frugal working adults, no kids in the home), but nearly 25% of my income goes to debt (not including mortgage lol). (The reason I am carrying so much debt is because I didn’t make anything even remotely close to a living wage for the entirety of my working life until I got the librarian job last year and I had to use credit cards for things like groceries and travelling home for funerals and then I’d transfer the credit card balance onto a loan and then I’d be like “okay, as long as we have no more emergencies for 18 months, we’ll be good,” and then there’d be another emergency and I’d have to borrow more money again 🇺🇸) So the TL;DR is I strongly suspect that when I have a bit more of a financial cushion and don’t have to deprive myself of most material pleasures (such as the occasional deli sandwich or vinyl record! I have simple desires!) and white-knuckle it through the last week of every month, I might be a bit less exhausted and stressed out on a daily basis?

So based on that completely speculative hope, here are my goals/resolutions for 2024:

Start a monthly one-pager photozine (my intention is for this to be a simple project to keep me active in the zine community and more ~intentional~ with my photography). Finish writing Moonshot #3 (Summer 2024) and #4 (Fall 2024). Start outlining (at least) Phases of the Moon #7. Maybe: Think abt starting a new art/literary comp zine. [I used to do tons of comp zines when I was younger and I’ve been revisiting them in my zine digitization/archiving project and feeling inspired!! Love bringing a variety of people together to collectively work on an amazing goal! ♈]

Do something analog with photography – maybe cyanotypes? [I’m despondent that I’ve been dragging an enlarger around for over 10 years but still haven’t built a home darkroom. This can still happen someday, but in the meantime, I know there are other analog photographic processes I can do without a full darkroom!] I also want to get back into photographing concerts. [I was a little disappointed that my Quintron pics {still forthcoming sry} didn’t turn out fantastic but it was my own damn fault for falling out of practice with my DSLR, and also forgetting to turn on autofocus lmao.] AND, I think it would be fairly easy to turn my bedroom into a camera obscura, which would be TOTALLY AWESOME and SWEET.

Redesign my website/portfolio: selenographer.info. Try to actually post some newsletters once in a while?

Finish at least one cross-stitch!

Leave the house more often for social activities?????

Better daily health routine [I already do this stuff, but I’m not always consistent]: Meditate & do yoga, preferably in the morning. Teeth care at least twice a day [sry if it’s TMI gross but brushing before bed was never part of my childhood and it has been a constant struggle to solidify this habit as an adult, ugh] and actually use the dang waterpik & electric toothbrush that I bought. Wear the sleep apnea device every night. [This thing works. But I fucking hate wearing it and I skip nights which makes me feel like a big dummy since I borrowed an additional $3000 to treat this problem.] STOP TAKING GOODY’S POWDER. [This should follow if I am consistent in wearing the apnea device bc I won’t get morning headaches if I am not waking up in a state of oxygen deprivation!]

Buy a new bed! [We got one of those cheapo internet mattresses in 2018 and man is it killing me. If I ever won the lottery the first thing I would do is completely redesign the bedroom into the ideal sleep environment.] Also need to buy 1 or 2 new bookcases bc I now have 3 storage bins full of unshelved books and it makes me anxious.

Work-related goals: Reclaim as much time as possible from the workweek. Try to have at least a half-day of work-from-home time per week. Actually use the professional development time I am privileged to have as faculty! Try to detach from the stressful sense of urgency other people (inexplicably) bring to the table and don’t let that shit get to you. Figure out a better way to handle emails? [My current modes are either complete avoidance so I can hyperfocus on a task, or checking my email every 30-60 mins and spiralling into the distraction zone for hours.] Hopefully take another class at Rare Book School. Help with more outreach events (aka teaching people about ZINES! :D)

GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY <3

#personal #hny #goals #iberry jaerb #zines #photography

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f1ghtsoftly · 10 months

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So like, this is why I call myself a Marxist feminists rather than a Radical Feminist because I primarily think that ending the relationship between heterosexuality/submission to male authority and women’s financial security will eventually end the intense prioritization of men by women. Without economic survival being assured without ties to the patriarchal family or heterosexual social structures, women will naturally just care about what men think a lot less.

There are other women who believe the opposite, that one must separate from men. I think this is truthfully impractical and cruel. It might make sense for a young woman without children and a college education, but it makes less sense for less financially well positioned women and once men realize many women who are financially well positioned are breaking away, they will use the women and children they control against independent women (or to at least, stay compliant with the scapegoating). Most women, statistically, have children that they need to care for. Most women, who work for wages, have jobs reliant on their willingness to work harder for less and to take male abuse. Most women do not live in a world where realistically they can reskill and leave their husbands without suffering dire economic and social consequences that will put them at risk for more predation. They literally either cannot afford it or live in cultures were this isn’t permissible. Not only that, but it destroys solidarity between younger and older women which we need to win. Men are 50% of the population. We need every woman on board. This cycle has already happened many times, all over the world, throughout history.

Now you may say? Why don’t women all pick up trades? I think going into the trades is a good option for a lot of women and I encourage it, but when I think about economic security, my mind drifts to more vulnerable periods of a woman’s lifespan like her later years and when she is a mother with young children. It’s easier to be economically well when you aren’t strapped by dependents or in bad health but men use our vulnerabilities against us to accept their dominion.

Women not only deserve inalienable economic security for the carework they preform through raising and educating children and caring for the old and sick but protecting women at their most vulnerable protects us all. If we want to live in a healthy post patriarchal world some, or most, women will still want to have kids. We want those women to need support via labor and $$$ from other women rather then men during that time. When women are old and need help, they need support and $$$ from female driven sources. We will all get old or sick someday, we all were children once, some of us may want to become mothers. All of these life stages are RIPE with male predation and exploitation and women forced “under” male protection , for whatever reason, are often turned against feminists but this is a false, male centered choice. Feminists are natural allies to mothers not men.

Knowing we don’t need to rely on men when we’re weak makes us strong and bold. Kids who grow up in households lead by women, with good financial health and strong female lead social bonds not only thrive but become kids comfortable with challenging male power. Adult women free from the burden of raising children without payment do not need to tie their social and political activities to a domineering and conservative husband. They also don’t need to be as desperate to work in exploitive work environments and can ally with childless women in organizing activities with less financial stress.

Wages for Childcare and full autonomy for female dominated industries IS the issue of our time. I don’t want every single woman to stay in a traditional field, obviously, I’m not in one, but I do want every single woman to know that no matter what there are millions and millions of women who earn good money to throw at lawsuits, financial assistance, who can take time off to protest, who can provide childcare etc etc…for women who do feel called to brave the world of male/het relations.

We NEED a strong base of financial autonomy and self respect. We NEED to make sure men can’t split us in camps of spinsters vs. goodwives. We NEED to make sure every woman knows we have her back, as long as she pays us back with loyalty to women first. It is so critical to the survival of this movement to create strong structures that support separatism rather then undermine it.

#im so ssrious when I say I want every woman to get so paid #SO PAID #do you even know how much the garment industry is worth?#do you know how badly teachers are paid compared to other professionals?#how many elderly women live in poverty and isolation?#finances are the invisable strings that drive a lot of pro patriarchal behavior among adult womeb #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist #radical feminist theory #radical feminists do touch #radfem safe #radfems #gender critical #radfem

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thestobingirlie · 9 months

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the amount of steddie fics that basically glorify abuse just really gets me.

especially when its just waved away by steve as 'well I was an asshole in high school so i deserve it'

I'm 100% team let robin murder eddie in these fics, no one gets to hurt her soulmate without having to pay the price.

(also im pretty sure some of the kids would just need the words 'eddie hurt steve' and they'd be down to help hide the body, no questions asked, no details needed)

so many of them also seem to forget that abuse isn't always physical. they take the idea of 'well he's not hitting him, so its not abuse' but it can be emotional, psychological or financial as well.

it's one of the things i hate about the rockstar eddie/ normal guy steve aus, because so many of them slip in subtle financial abuse. with Eddie basically holding it over steves head that it's because of him being a rockstar that they can afford their life together.

if people want to write fics that have the topic of abuse they just need to approach it carefully, its one of the most difficult topics out there. Just as long as they tag it/warn for it and they stop glorifying it.

oh my god, when fic authors play make believe just so they can excuse the terrible way eddie treats steve. just why.

robin and the kids would team up to rip eddie apart. they’re not letting the way he treat steve slide. though, of course these fics usually have them also treating steve like utter shit.

i really do think some people need to look up domestic abuse. because they’re writing a horrific relationship and honestly thinking it’s sweet. (and yeah, rockstar eddie is really just a feeding ground for abusive behaviour. steve is constantly isolated and alone, and totally dependant on eddie)

i actually really enjoy darker fics! i think fics that deal with more complex topics, and dive into mental health, etc, can be incredibly well written and entertaining. the issue is these people don’t realise they’re writing a dark fic. they think it’s fluff!! it’s easy to glorify something when you don’t recognise there’s anything wrong with what you’re writing.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #asks #anon

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skippyv20 · 4 months

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Hello, I know it’s Christmas. I hope you don’t mind me asking just a bit confused. A bit long. So, I’ve been unemployed for a year now ( really trying to find work, no luck). I am dependent financially on my husband (so awkwardly when I asked) I’m a very basic woman with no hobby, and not into shopping or parlors, only I love vintage shops. Recently, since we put up our Christmas tree, I’ve been hooked on buying vintage ornaments in thrift stores and online marketplace ( and, I choose the cheapest). The other night, he told me he sent money ($3000) to his two 30-ish kids ( from a previous marriage) as gifts, which I didn’t mind. Tonight, I asked him why he doesn’t have gifts for me, he told me he has been buying me stuff and those are gifts. I’m like “Ohh, I didn’t know”. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore because he opted to sleep then have me “ making an issue out of it”. I was confused and hurt. I don’t know how to react. Part of me feels guilty for spending “nonsense” stuff and the other wants to “fight”. I feel insulted because those vintage are cheap and thrifty not expensive at all. He makes me feel I spend a lot on nonsense. Is he right to say that? Are husbands spending on a wife’s privilege or a responsibility? Am I just being sensitive? Thank you.

Hi! I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. As I read this I was thinking (as I always do (when an issue arises with Mr. Skippy)…Men are From Mars, and Women are from Venus. We just don’t communicate. We may start off communicating and it gets lost as time goes by. I have misinterpreted things, only to find…it was all due to a misunderstanding…of just plain not understanding. We think we get confused, well men don’t only cause us confusion….they are more confused than we are.

A couple of scenarios…

When confronted he felt he had to throw it back at you, because he sensed he did something wrong. It wasn’t the fact he gave his daughters money, it was the fact he pushed you aside. The only way out he saw was saying he pays for things, so those are gifts. That made sense to him. Did he say that to hurt you? Probably not…just thought it made sense, like you should be happy, look he does do things for you.

If these vintage ornaments are special to you, and if he tells you they are gifts from him, then he should take part in joining you when you go out and about shopping for them. If you are looking on line, he should sit there with you….then, to me, those are gifts. It’s a shared experience. You wanting, and him meeting your needs.

If he thinks that idea doesn’t work, then you need to tell him you want him to buy you gifts on his own. That you don’t feel important or special, as if it is too much effort for him to do something sweet for you.

I think you really need to ask him how this makes sense to him…listen closely to what he tells you.

I would strongly suggest reading Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. When Mr. Skippy and I first got together, we would read chapters together and then discuss them…we were fascinated with how differently we really do think. It really helped our relationship. Not so quick to argue when you stand back and think…oh he thinks that way because….he isn’t thinking that way to hurt me….he doesn’t understand me…then you talk it out…and these issues become easy to resolve. As for a husband spending money on his wife, that is a privilege he gets, because he has you in his life, he chose you to spend his life with…he is lucky to have you.

No, you are not being too sensitive. You were hurt, and rightfully so. You should never be in the position to be considered not important in his life. Just because we love someone and stay with them, the rules shouldn’t change. If you love me, and are with me…treat me well. Of course, I don’t know what I am talking about….but if anything makes sense to you, great. If it doesn’t…sorry…..I send you love and hugs…..hang on…a bright New Year is coming….❤️

#submission

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seeker-of-truth · 7 months

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BOLD The Facts

Tagged by @ghostoffuturespast , @tarmac-rat & @elvenbeard! Thank you guys so much 🥹🥰 RULES: BOLD what applies to your OC

Doing this a little differently by making during-game magenta, post-game in blue and things that apply during both will have a gradient

PERSONAL

Verena has lived multiple lives at this point. There's the little girl from the seedier side of Wellsprings, the scrappy prep-school kid. The wannabe rockerboy who moonlights as a diligent college student, a hardened Arasaka agent, a low-cred merc, or the New Queen of the Afterlife. She's done a lot but rarely feels like she's where she's supposed to be.

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable ✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working* / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes** / yes, for minor crimes** / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

*I really have no idea what merc work is considered **Nothing has ever come of these because evidence is always circumstantial at best, also who in their right mind would come after her and the Afterlife

FAMILY

Born an only child to a father who was absent in all but body and a judgmental mother, Verena never really felt like family was a place where she could find love.

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted/ disowned / raised by birth parent* / not applicable

*she was technically raised by her parents but she was whisked to a fancy boarding school in Charter Hill when she was 7. So after that, she really only saw them when school was off. Her parents stopped talking to her in 2073 after an assignment from Arasaka pushed her close to the point of breaking. They could be dead as far as she knows

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Every situation in her life has taught her that you should keep your mouth shut until you are sure of you're next action. She knows how to play the game and knows that the best move is often to watch and wait.

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between ♦ disorganized / organized / in between ♦ close minded / open-minded / in between ♦ calm / anxious / in between / depends ♦ disagreeable /agreeable / in between ♦ cautious / reckless / in between ♦ patient / impatient / in between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in between ♦ leader / follower / in between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between♦ traditional / modern / in between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS

She was rased by Catholics and spent her childhood going to the same church as many Valentinos. Despite that all she had a crisis of faith and came to her own conclusions.

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don't know / don’t care ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Slow to trust and extremely guarded - love and romance have always been hard for her. If someone manages to get past that, she loves them hard and fast. Conversely, sex was always easy, a simple distraction for her.

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / no label* ❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

*she never liked one and always found her sexuality to be fluid but always had a preference for romantic relationships with women. In fact, Johnny is the first man she ever wanted anything beyond sex with. If its influenced by the relic or not, she really doesn't want to know.

ABILITIES

Jack of All Trades, Master of None. That really sums her up. She received schooling and training all through her life. She did have some backsliding on her technical skills while the relic was slotted in her head. No time to read the new tech brief. On the other hand, her combat skills became the best they've ever been.

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor/ none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

She's got her vices, but when Johnny first asked her to smoke she never thought she'd still be smoking after he was gone. The second she knew both her and the habit were sticking around she marched her ass down to Viks and demanded a set of Syn-Lungs. She drinks, not to get drunk but because she likes the taste. She often gets so busy she forgets to eat so once she realizes she's hungry shes eating any scop she can get her hands on.

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict (recovering)* ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed** / frequently** / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely/ sometimes / frequently / compulsive gamble

*leaving Johnny in cyberspace was the incident that broke the camel's back as far as her ability to cope. She starts using while recovering from the assault on the tower, for a while she blames Johnny's addictions for her using but eventually realizes it's always been her. She's clean now and does her best to stay on the wagon but does relapse from time to time. **thanks Relic

Thanks for reading! I took a page out of @elvenbeard's book and decided to write a lil something for each section because I love talking about her so much lol I'm tagging @peaches-n-screem @bishicat @luvwich @medtech-mara

#pleaselikethis #thegradientstook7millionyears #oc: verena soto #tag game #long post #cyberpunk 2077

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egipci · 6 months

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thank you for bringing awareness to this grievous issue. how is there possibly not more huntercorp content out there?? the overlap between the succession freaks and spn freaks on here is practically a circle. then supernatural does a literal canon succession au and… crickets. i don’t understand. cmon ladies we can do better

Thank you for your solidarity! I agree: we CAN do better!

To be fair, I totally understand the paucity of content in the field, simply because those guys are just not really recognizable as Sam and Dean. They're vacuous spoiled dudes for us to laugh at for the five minutes they're on screen, unlike our very serious special Winchesters Prime, God's favorites, etc. We don’t really even know anything about them, other than they still live with their dad into their late thirties? And Sam is like "haha Dad is the best guy I wanna live with him in the same house forever cheers," which makes me think the CTE finally caught up with him. So fanon interest doesn't really extend beyond heehee silly wincest-twincest foursome business, or maybe there's some cracky Daddycestuous harem going on that I haven't heard about--- which is great if you're into that sort of thing.

What I think is more interesting though is to use that world as a springboard to construct a more canon-feeling AU that retains the character's personalities and dynamics. Like, just take all the deeply traumatizing shit that comes with hunting from a young age and add to it all the fucked-up-ness of excessive wealth and access.

Say, John at some point when Dean and Sam are much younger decides it would be better to work with other people for resources and efficiency (lol), and doesn’t burn quite as many bridges as he could, and whenever someone offers to pay a little something to show their gratitude he agrees. Along the way that turns into a hunting business, recruiting hunters, etc, and it picks up, and it's lucrative enough obviously because monsters are plentiful, and so the kids grow up with money, comfortable. There's the old "I want you to go to school and I want Dean to have a home," so he probably did buy a home base, extra fortified, and there were babysitters to watch after Sam, a little less pressure on Dean with the co-parenting. More creature comforts and safety and stability available, but maybe even more emotional distance between John and Sam than in canon. Dad's trips last for months and months, Sam is fine, he goes to the same nice private school for most of his life, gets with Jessica in high school or something, whatever, you can fill in the blanks here. Maybe he goes to a military school or something, in this strange world where people know about monsters, but his dad is still very much distant and mysterious.

Depending on when the transition towards more financial stability happens, Dean would have more vivid memories of serious poverty that he shares with his dad that Sam might not fully remember/appreciate, and as he gets older Dean’s off with Dad more and more, staying away longer and longer, etc, and that in itself is an interesting question, I think: if Dean doesn't have to parent Sam as much, what does that mean for their relationship? There's always the baseline of the older brother duty/younger brother admiration going on, but maybe it's more they're more like 2x20 than canon--- or not, maybe it translates into more closeness than the canon pre-canon! A good writer can convince you of anything, but it's essential that their relationship only flourishes in the absence of their dad, not only physical absence/death, but also his absence in Dean's emotional life, and all of that is deferred for as long as you keep the old man around. the idea of 60's John/40's Dean makes me....

Anyway, the Succession comparison in particular is really compelling here because 1. in a world where people know about monsters, and monster-hunting is a lucrative empire-building business, the Winchesters (assuming they are actually as good as they are in the main timeline) would hold huge influence. Like, serious political influence. Depending on the size and boundaries of his operation John Winchester could be the owner of an extremely powerful militia trained to kill both people and monsters? And that's... kind of insane! (And with that power and influence, did Sam and Dean grow up in the public eye to some degree, like president’s kids and various d-listers? What sort of rich people vices were they exposed to? Are hunters seen as celebrities or as soldiers, or something in between like in, eg, The Boys?”)

Therefore 2. the stakes of succession are extremely important, and also 3. as an au-explorer, that's how you get to keep some semblance of the John-Dean-Sam dynamic from canon. Say, Sam goes to Stanford on Dad's dime, no need for a scholarship, he fits in with the other kids fine, at least along socioeconomic lines. But obviously he's still very well trained as a hunter, and he may or may not be dealing with demon blood-induced uncleanliness. And let's say Dean is groomed into both hunting but also the business side of things, slated to run the family business when the time comes, maybe he goes to college too and studies something soul-sucking he thinks would be useful for the business and would make dad proud, but probably not, I don't see John suddenly becoming an elitist type, specially when they're in the world they're in. Plus, Dean already has charm and looks in spades, no need for a fancy degree.

But what if at some point John changes his mind? It's not Dean, but Sam who should be king. Or Sam and Dean together as partners. Sam of course doesn't want it. He wants to be a lawyer, or whatever it is the Lebanon alt!Sam does. Adam doesn't want it, he doesn't know anything about hunting, he's probably only seen his dad a total of five times since college, and no one showed up to his engagement party. Who knows, maybe he's already been eaten by the ghoul and no one has noticed yet. Obviously Dean doesn't want to run anything, either, but no one cares about that. He'll do it if he has to, because he's a good son, and in that way this is the weird inverse world of Succession where no one actually wants the inheritance. They do want the elusive kiss from daddy, they're just not under any illusions that the family business is an adequate substitute.

So, like, you can take those two weirdo throwaways and make them infinitely more interesting. You can kill John, you can throw in the Azazel hunt, or introduce the Heaven mega-bureaucrats, or whatever. Maybe Sam gets on the demon blood in his fancy private school and is surrounded by demons for years and it’s John’s fault because he send him there, thinking he'd be safe. Or maybe none of that other mytharc stuff comes in and at the heart of the story is just the family drama. Sprinkle in some more sex, drugs, and rock n roll, etc.— so many little choices to make for people who like the work of intricate world building and crossover! Good for them, whenever they get their hands on this.

Of course the thing that matters to me most is the J/D of it all and Dean's feelings about it--- like he is daddy's golden boy in pretty panties and a cock cage, but what I've been thinking about (like, actually thinking about, for fic writing purposes) is why is he in the cock cage? What if he likes it? What if he wants it and likes it and hates that he likes it? Succession is part of a huge tradition of works preoccupied with wealth and moral decadence and corruption, and those things can only be compounded by the reality of not only wide-spread knowledge of monsters, but also the existence of an industry dedicated to the sanctioned extrajudicial killing of "creatures" that look and live just like normal people 99% of the time. It's extremely fucking bleak, more so in some ways than canon, and it's the kind of world where dad/son incest is possible, where alcoholism/addiction would be much closer to the surface, where Dean is rewarded for Dad’s parasitic dependence in different, slightly more complicated ways than canon, where Dean's baitboy duties probably extend to various unsavory human actors, men and women, starting when he was way too young. And it's not necessarily always the sort of seduction/manipulation/self-objectification that ends with Dean on his back, and John is not a mustache-twirling villain who's looking it in the face and ambivalently sending his kid to the slaughter, but shit happens and it's part of life and it's for the greater good and it's for the family business and Dean's a man and he can handle it and when he comes back tongue-tied and flushed, wearing his cute little panties under his slacks and holding a matching cage in his hand John will tease him first, always, and then he will put his hands on him and make it better.

#thank you dear anon-- thinking and writing this through reminded me of the scene with bela in s3 with the tux #and i don't really think she's that evil in the larger scheme of things #but she's someone who would be more vicious in this world #and now I'm thinking about a story where Dean *has to* have maybe traumatizing sex with her for whatever dad-related reason #and whatever she did to our little guy he doesn't want to think about his dick for a while :(#and obviously because it's dad's fault only dad can fix it #i mean--- if j/d can be distilled down to any single trope it would be hurt/comfort and john is always always the source of both </3 #asks

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inamindfarfaraway · 2 years

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Being a big sister is so important to Selina’s character, actually.

Listen. We don’t know the exact age difference between her and Maggie, but based on the size difference in flashbacks to them as kids, I’d say probably two or three years. That means that accounting for early childhood amnesia, Selina has been looking after someone less capable than her for as long as she can remember. Giving and caring and nurturing and protecting. This is such a fundamental part of her personality, it’s older and deeper than the stealing; sarcasm; self-sufficiency; cynicism; even than the loss of innocence. This is her core. Her foundation. For years, she never put herself first because her sister needed her. She had to learn to do that, the hard way. To value herself at all, let alone above others, was an uphill climb, so no wonder she can take that too far when she’s older - she constantly has to outweigh her inner conscience! She tried to rip that selfless part of herself out when she left Maggie behind to a life of safety and peace, while condemning herself to one of struggling and fighting to survive.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t. In her late teens, Selina was a sex worker with an abusive pimp, no support system, no financial security, a lot of psychological baggage and generally nothing good in her life. She had every reason to only look out for her own wellbeing. To decide that with all the problems she already had, everyone else’s were only theirs. Yet the moment she she saw Holly in need of help and protection, she stepped in. She took this needy, dependent kid under her wing and raised her for years. No ulterior motive, no external pressure. Because that’s who she is.

Yes, Catwoman is a strong independent badass. Yes, Selina has issues and some notable deficiencies in social skills and sometimes not that great mental health, which can make her act selfish and uncaring or be unable to commit or show vulnerability. But beneath that surface, she cares so much. She needs and deeply values relationships. Pushing people away is almost always an effort to stop them getting hurt by her or proximity to her, even subconsciously.

Selina Kyle is just as inherently predisposed to care about people as Bruce Wayne. The reason Batman was always a hero and Catwoman was originally a ruthless thief was that his environment and experiences rewarded that altruistic drive, while hers punished her for it. So I’d like to see more of Selina the protector and the nurturer, without her softer side negating her coolness or getting written off as Batman’s influence alone or her not being true to herself, when really it’s the opposite. Her falling in love, making friends, switching from theft to vigilantism, becoming a mother figure to Kitrina Falcone and the Batkids, etc. are all natural developments of her character. They’re her rediscovering another, equally true side of her identity and learning to love and embrace it.

#this is why the harley quinn show version of her rubs me the wrong way #she feels like she genuinely doesn’t care #like selina can be mean don’t get me wrong #cat has claws and all #but this version doesn’t seem to have any real interest or investment in bruce or harley or ivy #she’s arrogant and petty and insensitive basically non-stop #at one point harley and ivy are arguing and she stays to watch because she enjoys the drama?#instead of a) intervening or b) leaving because she doesn’t want to handle that #which are what i think MY selina would do post/pre-character growth or on a good vs bad day #the gotham city sirens relationship never feels like a three-way friendship #the ‘batcat’ is just bruce moping because he’s deeply invested in her and she doesn’t really care back at all?#i don’t like it.#cat has claws but also has soft fur and fluffy tummy #cat has claws but also wants and needs cuddles #selina kyle #catwoman #dc comics #dc

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underqualified-human · 2 years

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Karma Akabane SFW Alphabet

A/N: Requested by Anonymous

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

OH he’s definitely very affectionate

He mostly shows it through physical touch. His favourite is hand holding

Another one is words of affirmation and quality time. (Praise and Study dates)

Also a huge fan of PDA

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

A huge reason he would become friends with you in the first place would be if you were really persistent in your pursuit

Another reason would be if you were at least a little mischievous

The friendship would probably be really chaotic, you guys team up for pranks and assassination attempts

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He absolutely loves to cuddle

I’ve said that he likes PDA so sometimes (usually at lunch) he'll pull you into his lap and just keep you there

When in private he tends to lean into you or spoon you

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Karma wants to settle down but with everything happening in his (and your) life he likely wouldn't do so right out of school

When it comes to cooking I’d say he’s pretty good at it, though he does like to experiment

He’s also not a complete idiot when it comes to cleaning but he can be a little forgetful about his surroundings

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I can see him being quiet emotionally detached once he realises he wants to break up with them

Most likely just starts to ignore you until you confront him

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I definitely see it taking a while to come to terms with his own feelings

Once he was sure that you were both secure (financially and emotionally) he’d still wait a while before asking you what you wanted.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

I don’t think that he’d be all that gentle emotionally at first, but after some time he becomes much more considerate

As for physically I’d say he would be pretty well aware of how strong he is so he was actually pretty one edge when it came to physical affection

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He absolutely loves hugs

Jumps at the opportunity to hug you, doesn't matter where or when

His hugs are pretty tight but in the way that makes you feel secure (these are mostly reserved for a private setting)

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He says it pretty early on, if he’s close enough to date you he’s pretty sure about how he feels about you

Before you started dating he probably said it as a joke before he realised it wasn't a joke anymore

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don't think he’d be very jealous all things considered. He’s very secure in his relationship with you and is pretty confident in himself, but he does sometimes have his moments.

Depending how bad his jealousy is it can range from making the person of his ire uncomfortable to just straight up threatening them

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He has a wide variety of kisses, the most common ones are quick kisses and when he’s feeling soft longer and gentler kisses

Where he likes to be kissed and where he kisses you are mostly the same places: Lips and cheeks. But when he’s feeling cheeky he’ll kiss you on the neck.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Depends: Babies? Absolutely horrible, do not give him a crying baby he will not know what to do. But toddlers and up? Yeah he’s chill.

For the most part if the kid can talk he’ll be fine with them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Depending on when you wake up he’ll either try and force you to stay in bed with him or tickle you awake first thing in the morning

Also depending on how tired each one of you are, you take turns making breakfast.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Whenever you two aren't spending time studying together, you’re probably watching a movie

If you have any nightly (or morning for that matter) he’ll try his best to help you but might start to distract you if he gets too bored.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Karma would definitely take a while to be emotionally vulnerable with his partner, he’d be more comfortable if they were also open with him

He’d probably reveal things slowly and in small chunks.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

When it comes to his partner he’s actually pretty patient when it comes to his partner. It takes a lot to get him genuinely angry at them.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Karma is very observant but he’s also a tease.

He’ll remember all the little details about you and then act like he only remembers the basics (Birthday, Anniversary, Allergies, etc.). That is until your birthday rolls around and he gets you a very specific gift you mentioned once and then making your favourite food.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Though it may seem a little odd Karma's favourite moment was when he got sick while with you for the first time.

His immune system was usually really good but everyone gets sick eventually. Seeing you try and help him when he was in such a vulnerable state made him realise how much he really loves you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

His life is pretty dangerous so safety is definitely something he would worry about.

He's (pretty much) a trained assassin so he'd be on the lookout for anyone that could pose a threat, also tends to call/check up on you at random points in the day

Given his training he's used to having to protect himself, but he does appreciate the occasional phone call.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Gifts and dates are usually simple but personal. For dates the go to would be an at home movie, the arcade or on occasion a festival.

Anniversaries are usually where he puts in the most effort, making sure everything goes perfectly and that he has the best gift for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Whenever he's really focused and/or committed to something he tends to ignore you and go off the grid until he's completed the task. (Don't worry he'll apologise later)

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Karma usually doesn't worry that much what he looks like. As long as his hairs' brushed and his clothes are neat he's happy.

Though there are occasions where he dresses up to impress you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

It really depends on how long the seperation is for.

He's pretty used to being somewhat alone so if it was work/school related (for a few hours) he would be fairly alright.

If it were for longer periods (days, weeks or months) then he would start to feel lonely.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

When he was younger he really wanted to be an actor but got psyched out of persuing it.

He puts pineapple on his pizza just to annoy people who don't like it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Overly messy people. He's fine with a little clutter or dirt but he has a limit.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Doesn't pull all-nighters that often but when he does he acts like nothing happened.

He has a pretty good internal clock so he wakes up at 6 on the weekend and just lays there for a few.

Actually a pretty light sleeper. He has a heightened sense of danger so small noises wake him up.

#aries writing #karma akabane #karma x reader #karma akabane x reader #karma akabane headcannons #ansatsu kyoushitsu #ass class #assassination classroom #assclass x reader #assclass #assassination classroom x reader

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cowboyjen68 · 1 year

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Hi Jen 💜 I was wondering if you had any advice on how to start living for yourself instead of for other people. I’m realizing this is something I’ve struggled with for most of my life, and I’m not sure how to figure out what I like and what makes me happy, because for so long my standard has been “what do other people want from me? What do other people think is impressive?” I spend my high school and college years trying to measure up to my best friend, and now, after a rough breakup, I find myself trying to compete with my ex. Even though we’re not in contact and I don’t follow her online anymore, I still have this persistent feeling of her judgment in my mind whenever I do (or don’t do) anything. I feel the need to compare myself and my progress to her life even though I’m realizing that I don’t actually want to do the things she’s doing. But I feel like just being me isn’t enough, you know? Sorry, I feel like this may be kind of vague and rambling, haha.

I think a lot of us feel this to some extent or another. I needed to, first and foremost, learn to say “no” when I don’t want to do something. It really starts with being honest with myself. Am I saying “yes” because something is appealing to me or even because I know I can offer help and that will make me feel good OR am I saying “yes” to avoid being seen as rude or mean?

Often I found myself either saying “yes” or passively agreeing to something because I thought it was the response expected of me and to say “no” would allow another person to suffer. Most of the time we all are willing to do something to alleviate the pain or fear of others but I had to learn to weigh the consequences to my own health and life. (financial, emotional, physical etc.)

Once I was coming out of a 17 year relationship I realized I had based much of the trajectory of my life on what I thought she needed/wanted and what was expected of me as a parent and a partner to another woman. I had to drastically rethink my life because after about a year apart I was still doing the same things and every move I made seemed dependent on what she would think, how she would react or what societal expectations. I had never wanted to be a mom and I certainly did not want to be a mom in the way I thought others wanted me to be a mom.

I literally sat down one day and penned out my parenting style as opposed to what I was doing. In one column it was “I would do it this way” and in another was “I do it this way” and after each was a “because” column. SO I would “tell my kid they can’t have the candy and explain it is too much money” BECAUSE “I want them to know the truth and money is tight” And then I would reflect on how I had been handling things “I would tell them NO to the candy” and be upset because I was stressed I could not afford it BECAUSE “My wife would tell me it was mean to tell kids we don’t have enough money since it makes them feel like we are poor”.

It did not take too much of this exercise to realize many of my reactions were, more often than not, a proactive reaction to how I knew OR thought another person would react to my decision. Predicting a reaction is one thing that we need to be able to get along with others and live in a social world. Restructuring our entire way of handling every situation to appease others is not healthy if it is a constant restraint we have to be aware of just to live day to day. When we have to expend the mental energy to make sure each action and decision will not cause us conflict with those in our lives we need to rethink the people we are “answering to” Are these the people we need around us if we find ourselves going against every instinct we have to just function?

I discovered that my constant effort to define my actions by the parameters others were setting on me was exhausting. We all have to make some concessions to be part of groups but when we give up our natural way of handling situations to control the judgment of others we can forget that we are capable of handling things our own way. AND, in the end, we can’t control the actions of others anyway.

This is all sort of the preamble to the idea that we base our success on what others see as success. Good parents are “seen” a certain way. Good employees “act” a certain way. Success is money, things, vacations, long term relationships and on and on. Our social structure is set up to reward these things that are “the dream life” but whose dream? You need to figure out what truly gives you happiness. Is it money? Tropical vacations? Or is it a job you have that you love but aren’t “supposed” to do because it isn’t fancy or glorified by the media? Some people that work at gas stations make a living wage, get benefits and love the daily interactions with regulars they have formed relationships with yet they are constantly told they need to “move up” or that what they do is not important or fulfilling. Is it less work and more time with your friends? Is it evenings at home with your dog?

You are enough. And what you enjoy is enough. If you can pay your bills, take care of yourself and live within the means you have decided to earn, that is success. Adding fulfillment and happiness to that is icing on the cake. When we are with a partner or friends we often do things we don’t necessarily enjoy but being with them makes it worth it. When we are on our own time we can decide for ourselves and that freedom can feel pretty nice.

#single life #success #fulfillment #life goals #living for ourselves

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