#iberry jaerb

[mappingthemoon]

For the past several years (can’t remember if this attitude predates the pandemic), I’ve been kinda “meh”/side-eye re: New Year’s Resolutions. I am a very goal-oriented person and feel existentially unmoored when I don’t have something that I’m working toward, be it a class, a trip, a concert, a zine or other artsy project. But I also tend to have very unrealistic expectations, namely of how much time it will actually take me to complete tasks and how much energy I will still possess after I get home from work every day. So I don’t want to put all this abstract pressure on myself for the new year and then get burned by my, idk, ENORMOUSLY OVERWHELMING CAPACITY FOR HOPES AND DREAMS (or inability to accept reality or whatever, I guess, depending on your viewpoint lol).

Last year, I got a faculty librarian job and I was able to finally quit doing part-time transcription work, a (second) job I’d held for over 11 years. I thought the sudden influx of “free time” would result in a flood of creative projects in 2023, but I didn’t get nearly as much done (or started) as I’d hoped. My new job duties brought increased stress – I supervise someone now and received zero training for this so I’m having to figure out all this soft skills work relationship stuff on my own, I’m one of only two special collections catalogers in a large academic institution and ofc our backlog is a million miles long, I have to deal with so many more dang emails and meetings as a faculty person than I did as a staff, our institution is grossly underfunded and understaffed and people keep leaving bc our wages are comparatively Bad; many of my colleagues and I are burnt out af. SO ANYWAY due to all that, instead of blossoming into a creative powerhouse now that I have only one day-job, I instead found myself sinking into the couch after work, watching youtube on the big tv screen and transforming into a sad amorphous blob.

BUT! One reason I am risking feeling slightly more hopeful about 2024 is that this year, I am scheduled to have two out of four credit card loans paid off! (I had five but already paid one off this year too :D) This will put like… nearly $400 back into my pocket each month. I hate complaining about my money situation bc I do make what would be a decent living wage for my ~lifestyle~ (2 very frugal working adults, no kids in the home), but nearly 25% of my income goes to debt (not including mortgage lol). (The reason I am carrying so much debt is because I didn’t make anything even remotely close to a living wage for the entirety of my working life until I got the librarian job last year and I had to use credit cards for things like groceries and travelling home for funerals and then I’d transfer the credit card balance onto a loan and then I’d be like “okay, as long as we have no more emergencies for 18 months, we’ll be good,” and then there’d be another emergency and I’d have to borrow more money again 🇺🇸) So the TL;DR is I strongly suspect that when I have a bit more of a financial cushion and don’t have to deprive myself of most material pleasures (such as the occasional deli sandwich or vinyl record! I have simple desires!) and white-knuckle it through the last week of every month, I might be a bit less exhausted and stressed out on a daily basis?

So based on that completely speculative hope, here are my goals/resolutions for 2024:

Start a monthly one-pager photozine (my intention is for this to be a simple project to keep me active in the zine community and more ~intentional~ with my photography). Finish writing Moonshot #3 (Summer 2024) and #4 (Fall 2024). Start outlining (at least) Phases of the Moon #7. Maybe: Think abt starting a new art/literary comp zine. [I used to do tons of comp zines when I was younger and I’ve been revisiting them in my zine digitization/archiving project and feeling inspired!! Love bringing a variety of people together to collectively work on an amazing goal! ♈]

Do something analog with photography – maybe cyanotypes? [I’m despondent that I’ve been dragging an enlarger around for over 10 years but still haven’t built a home darkroom. This can still happen someday, but in the meantime, I know there are other analog photographic processes I can do without a full darkroom!] I also want to get back into photographing concerts. [I was a little disappointed that my Quintron pics {still forthcoming sry} didn’t turn out fantastic but it was my own damn fault for falling out of practice with my DSLR, and also forgetting to turn on autofocus lmao.] AND, I think it would be fairly easy to turn my bedroom into a camera obscura, which would be TOTALLY AWESOME and SWEET.

Redesign my website/portfolio: selenographer.info. Try to actually post some newsletters once in a while?

Finish at least one cross-stitch!

Leave the house more often for social activities?????

Better daily health routine [I already do this stuff, but I’m not always consistent]: Meditate & do yoga, preferably in the morning. Teeth care at least twice a day [sry if it’s TMI gross but brushing before bed was never part of my childhood and it has been a constant struggle to solidify this habit as an adult, ugh] and actually use the dang waterpik & electric toothbrush that I bought. Wear the sleep apnea device every night. [This thing works. But I fucking hate wearing it and I skip nights which makes me feel like a big dummy since I borrowed an additional $3000 to treat this problem.] STOP TAKING GOODY’S POWDER. [This should follow if I am consistent in wearing the apnea device bc I won’t get morning headaches if I am not waking up in a state of oxygen deprivation!]

Buy a new bed! [We got one of those cheapo internet mattresses in 2018 and man is it killing me. If I ever won the lottery the first thing I would do is completely redesign the bedroom into the ideal sleep environment.] Also need to buy 1 or 2 new bookcases bc I now have 3 storage bins full of unshelved books and it makes me anxious.

Work-related goals: Reclaim as much time as possible from the workweek. Try to have at least a half-day of work-from-home time per week. Actually use the professional development time I am privileged to have as faculty! Try to detach from the stressful sense of urgency other people (inexplicably) bring to the table and don’t let that shit get to you. Figure out a better way to handle emails? [My current modes are either complete avoidance so I can hyperfocus on a task, or checking my email every 30-60 mins and spiralling into the distraction zone for hours.] Hopefully take another class at Rare Book School. Help with more outreach events (aka teaching people about ZINES! :D)

GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY <3

#personal #hny #goals #iberry jaerb #zines #photography

[mappingthemoon]

few things make me hate my entire existence more than people in this office being unable to shut the fuck up

#HEAD EXPLODEY #work #iberry jaerb #open office HELL #shut up #shut up forever

[mappingthemoon]

one of the worst things about being me, an introverted person who is easily overwhelmed and exhausted by sensory bullshit yet forced to sell my labor in an ~open office~ environment in order to survive, is that i don’t listen to music as often as i used to, because nowadays it is such a relief to get home at the end of a long day of overhearing other people’s workplace conversations for 8 hours just utterly destroying my ability to focus on anything at all ever, that i don’t want to shatter the peacefulness of my box fan white noise cocoon at home, not even by listening to songs that i like. not even chill songs! just nothing :(

#fuck this job *goes to work* #saddy dumpington #brain machine broke #music #work #iberry jaerb #aaaaa

[mappingthemoon]

me becoming a faculty librarian: fuck yeah, i sure showed them! punx win! i AM the establishment!

also me becoming a faculty librarian: *okay guy voice* i’m the establishment :C

#iberry jaerb #getting over punk #commodify your whatever #assimilation :C #fuck this job *goes to work* etc. etc.

[mappingthemoon]

bird trapped in the breakroom: a mood

#birds #signs #handwriting #iberry jaerb #gpoy

[mappingthemoon]

I know that I have done at least a couple-few things in my life that were far more difficult & terrifying than this job interview process, but I am filled with such boundless anxiety & dread at the thought of giving a public presentation that I have seriously considered withdrawing my application. I am not going to withdraw, because at the age of thirty-fucking-eight I finally have an opportunity to get a position that pays enough so that I will no longer have to work two jobs (FT + PT) to survive. Still, it is a very relieving and somehow empowering psychological trick to remind myself that at any point in the procedure, I really do have the option to just walk out!

#you can leave!!! #if it sucks... hit da bricks!! #REAL WINNERS QUIT #iberry jaerb #public speaking #anxiety

[mappingthemoon]

PHEW just submitted my application to (finally) become a class traitor faculty librarian!!! :}

#iberry jaerb #the american dream of surviving on just one (1) job! #aaaaa

[mappingthemoon]

not to seem ungrateful abt my “promotion” but when i was a library associate i was overwhelmed with the work of a librarian and now as a librarian i am overwhelmed with the work of a librarian + section head and this sucks

#work #iberry jaerb #procedures? nah #brb attempting to document decades of ephemeral iNsTiTuTiOnAl KnOwLeDgE since my predecessors didn't write anything down #also SO MANY FUCKING EMAILS #decisions?!? #just leave me alone and let me catalog!!! #i need a co-captain :(

[mappingthemoon]

it is depressing af to have to see this fucking flyer in the breakroom every day

#work #antiwork #capitalism #iberry jaerb #>:}

[mappingthemoon]

tbt to my first library job, age 16, march 2001. my work mood is still exactly the same.

#gpoy #work #iberry jaerb #you mean i have to wake up and do this every day FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

[mappingthemoon]

back to work!!! lol thx for the bonus sticker @custer-mp3, i put it on my book truck at the library!

#crapandemic #iberry jaerb

[mappingthemoon]

can’t believe i thought for one minute that “it might be nice to get back to working at the office for a change”

#memes #gpoy #iberry jaerb #work #LEAVE ME ALONE

[mappingthemoon]

oh my god... the mortification only hit me now, entire days after the fact, but earlier this week at work i was introduced to a new coworker, and my Passing as a Professional mindset immediately kicked in and i reached out my arm on total autopilot and initiated a handshake! as if handshakes are still a thing people do in AD 2021! as if it’s totally normal and acceptable to touch a stranger’s hand 16 months into a pandemic! jfc i feel like such a freak and now i’m definitely overanalyzing every aspect of the interaction for signs the other person was weirded out and/or awkwardly/inadvertently pressured into a handshake they didn’t feel comfortable engaging in but still felt obligated to bc of my dumb overbearing, oblivious ass? i wonder if should i apologize? jeez what a thought to even have to have in these very normal times. goddammit they should’ve just let me keep working from home >:|

#coronavirus #iberry jaerb #we live in a society

[mappingthemoon]

Back in March when WFH began I started attending a pilates/yoga class via zoom nearly every weekday (offered thru my work’s wellness program, and something I typically failed to consistently attend IRL in the before times) and today is the first time I have successfully been able to do the frequent end-of-class challenge: lift myself from a cross-legged seated position on the floor to standing upright, without using my hands!

#bodies #exercise #work #iberry jaerb #injuryblogging

[mappingthemoon]

#other duties as assigned #transcription #work #hello darkness my old friend #this is real #iberry jaerb

[mappingthemoon]

At work I’ve been doing a project of cataloging old (ca. 1950s-60s) spoken word LPs that were recently rediscovered after having sat uncataloged for probably a few decades (oops!). Here are a few examples of cover art I really liked.

#Lawrence Durrell #Carl Sandburg #Oscar Wilde #Basil Rathbone #writers #illustration #iberry jaerb #iberry books #vintage