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thewordworrier · 1 year

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:( just some 3am hour blues

I can’t sleep because I’m scared and stressed.

The electric company I’m with want to take my direct debit payment, double it and add on a lil extra. If i don’t change this myself via the app, they’re gonna do it anyway. In the next 10 days I think?

But it’s okay! There’s another way of preventing this! I can make a top up payment of OVER A THOUSAND POUNDS, right now. Piece of cake.

I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t even afford the new payments they want. Not that we use that much electric a month anyway.

I’ve been panicking about this all day. I’ve tried WhatsApping the company like they suggest, but did they bother getting back to me? Nope, not yet. And probably not until like, 7am when they know most people will be asleep so they can be all - well guess you don’t need this chat anymore!

Not my fault that your opening call times are when Matt’s at work. Because I like it when I can pass the phone over to him - almost like good cop bad cop kinda deal. Plus they always seem to listen to him more. Feels like they fob me off because I’m female. Idk.

The way we live hasn’t changed. The only thing that’s changed recently is the electric company that we’re with and it’s like our costs have doubled and it’s just like… How are we supposed to afford this on top of everything else rising too?

Like, we already don’t turn the heating on. Not only because we have storage heaters and they’re awful, but because we’d probably use double the electric we’re using now and… God, we can’t afford that. And we live in the roof of the apartment block we’re in so it’s a lil extra drafty? Draughty? How the hell do you even spell that?

This isn’t a way for anyone to live. If I had known this place was going to be this cold when we were looking at it, I wouldn’t’ve opted for it, we would’ve kept looking. Can’t really save up to move somewhere else - everywhere is more expensive and we don’t have a lot of money left at the end of the month to put into savings anyway.

Matt works full time pretty much, I work as many hours as I’m capable without crumbling, we hardly do anything so there’s not a lot to cut out. And you can’t cut everything out anyway as, well if you have no little joys in life then what’s even the point?

I’m sure once we can get some kind of response from the stupid company it will be fine, for a bit. But until then I’m just really anxious and I hate this. I have to work tomorrow and I can’t fucking sleep because I’m fucking scared I’m not going to be able to deal with this in time and it’s going to financially ruin us for a month. And then we’re going to spend forever catching up to that.

Matt always asks me why I can never relax and be happy - “you’re coiled so tightly” - and this is why. I was FINE, almost cheerful even, and then boom, email from the electric company and BAM whole day ruined.

This is why! I dare let myself be happy for even just a day and then something comes along and ruins it.

I’m so tired of everything being a fight. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m barely surviving.

#She Speaks #you don’t have to read this #I’m more documenting for my own sake

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mckiwi · 10 months

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“Nobody asked me about my writing” meme

I was tagged by @aelaer (thank you btw)

1. What are you currently working on?

I’ve kinda been flipping between “Oblivescence” and “Heat of the Moment”. When I get tired of one I’ll switch to the other.

2. Summarize your current project.

Currently at about 3k words for “Heat of the Moment,” it’s just a simple oneshot I’m nearly finished with. Basically Loki seeks out Stephen and Thor for assistance because there’s mysterious murders happening in Jotunheim. Unfortunately they can’t use magic and daggers for all their problems. “Oblivescence” on the other hand is at about 7.3k words. A multi chapter fic that’s being a pain in the butt cause I’ve run into a plotting problem. Essentially Stephen in the fic is struggling to deal with all the memories from Dormammu and the time loops, so he starts to use a spell to get rid of his memories. You can imagine how well that turned out.

3. Summarize your current project poorly.

In one project Stephen is solving other peoples problems, in the other he’s creating his own.

4. Describe your favorite character or characters.

Stephen Strange, a boy born in Nebraska (a fact that gets featured in “Oblivescence”) and rose to fame in New York. He’s a family man at heart despite no longer having blood relatives to turn to anymore. For this reason, particularly the death of his younger sister, he made a career for himself in neurosurgery. He enjoys trivia, music, music trivia, reading, studying, pop-culture, helping people, and annoying his friends. He feels most comfortable in situations where there’s a high success rate and/or he’s in control. He’s a broken man but he always pieces himself together again. Loss and pain are two things he knows well. The loss of his family, the loss of Christine, the loss of his hands, and the loss of his inner peace are all things that have made him who he is today. He’s an incredibly deep character but there’s a summary.

5. Post a line from your current project without any context.

From “Oblivescence”: He didn't like sleeping in the dark, never had. Part of him wanted to put some of those plastic glowing stars on the ceiling like he had in his childhood bedroom.

From “Heat of the Moment”: Stephen looks up from where he had been absent-mindedly stepping in Thor's larger footsteps in the snow, only to face the opening of a cave.

6. How do you get through writers block?

I start reading the fic I’m working on, cause I’ll eventually either get in the momentum of the fic and start writing for it, or I answer some asks on @askthesorcerersupreme so I can get in the “writing for magic” mindset without having to stick to a plot.

7. Would you want to live in the world of your current work?

Imma have to pass on that. The world we live in is crazy enough, no need to add alien invasions to that.

8. Briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline.

Almost all of my fic ideas start out as just a basic idea, then I have to develop an actual fic out of it. “The Raven” started out as just Oh wouldn’t it be cool if Stephen collected the infinity stones in Infinity War? But then I had to break it up in sections. How does he get each stone? Why does he want the stones? What gets in the way of him achieving his goal? And eventually all those points are lined together into an outline I can write something about. So I suppose I use a sort of “divide and conquer” technique to make an outline.

9. What is the aesthetic of your current project?

“Oblivescence” gives of AU vibes but also Fix-It cause apparently the mcu refuses to even acknowledge Stephen’s trauma and backstory. Overall… oddly I’d say a vintage aesthetic idk it just fits. “Heat of the Moment” gives modern. A fun little fic with cool tones.

10. What song sums up your current work the best?

“Heat of the Moment” is literally named after “Heat of the Moment” by Asia. “Oblivescence” was actually a bit inspired by the song “Won’t Remember” by Tors. You look so much like him / The man that you were and It hurts just to miss you / When I’m there by your side are the two verses that inspired the way Stephen still has his same personality, just without knowing why he is the way he is. He has problems trusting people. Does he know why? Nope. But he knows that he does.

I’m tagging: @atypical-snowman @hithertoundreamtof23 @harpywritesfic @doctorwhitefox @webtrinsic1122 @rosewrites (and anyone else who wants to join)

#doctor strange #stephen strange #marvel #writer memes

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look-at-the-soul · 1 year

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Hi! It's gossip girl❤️❤️ I missed our little messages too! Luckily school isn't too bad right now so I hoping to be able to keep up on here a bit better now! I hope you're doing well!! I got to read so of the stories you've done recently and they've all been brilliant! I especially liked the one you posted yesterday! Make your home in my heart! ❤️ it was so cute! I love how soft Tommy was with her and how he took time to care for her! ❤️❤️ and I also liked the Runway! I haven't seen Anna but I heard it's good! And I loved how you made the story begin!

I've been doing alright! My break was nice and exams went pretty well! My classes this semester are a bit harder though so that's a bit of a challenge though 😂🥲😂

And I think my anxiety is doing a bit better now! I think I may actually try to post something within. Like two weeks maybe!

I know I mentioned I had writers block but you know what😂 I got to go home for this weekend and had to fly. So I was like determined to try and finish at least one of my stories. And not only did I finish both but I've got 20k+ words broken up over about 6 different stories done now😂 One I still need to finish though! I kinda surprised myself too because I was typing stuff on the plane and usually I'm nervous annoy people seeing that stuff. But I lucked out both times and no one was in the seat next to me, which I think helped! 😂And I actually have more ideas I wanna get done by next week too😂 It was actually your little idea about Drabble that helped me get out of it too! So thank you for that! ❤️ Once I remembered that I didn't have to write a super long story it was a bit easier for me to cut down in what wasn't important! I have some bullet point ideas or mini Drabble that I've also almost got done too! There is one idea that I may send an other ask about though! It's something I be been wanting to write because I think I have a really good idea for a line prompt. But there's I'm a little stuck because of some of the TW's that would be included in the story and I'm not sure how'd people react? Idk if that makes sense but I can explain more in the other ask if that's ok!

And yes! Alfie is absolutely a rich character! He's one of my favorites😂 I'm so glad he made it though the series😂

Morpheus is pretty good! It's based of a comic by Neil Gaiman about the the Lord of Dreams (Morpheus)! And it starts off after he's been imprisoned for like 100 years and finally gets free and has to build up his kingdom again! I know it's not the busy summary but it's definitely worth the watch! And the actor who plays Morpheus (Tom Sturrige? I think it's spelled) is also very nice to look at so😂😂 but it's a pretty good show!

And I've heard of Both those movies with Cillian but haven't seen them. I've especially heard people like Breakfast on Pluto! I haven't heard of Virgin River though! What's it about?

And I will say that we have interacted before but again I've kinda been hiding around for the last little bit 😂 And I honestly started the same way as you to, only on anon then I decided to share on thing and people seems to like it so I tried sharing more😂 Then I went into hiding again but you know, I think I might come out of my cave soon😅 And thank you for all your encouragement too! You really have helped me be less nervous about it all!❤️

And I haven't actually seen Sex and the City, but I've heard of that one too! But I get what you mean by being apprehensive to second parts! Sometimes the producers should have just stuck to one😂 but I do know that gossip girl is on HBO if you couldn't find it!

Ohhh and local cafe's are fun! I wish there were some more near me I could go to😂 My college is great but it's not really in a big city where there's lots of cafes😂 We do have a few boba shops that could probably work pretty well though! Does coffee flavored boba count? 😂 And ohh I did see that you were writing for them! I still haven't seen a Quiet Place two yet, but I've seen part of Anna (didn't get to finish it) and I do really enjoy the Nolan Batman's (Cillian is very good at playing the characters who are a little psycho😂) But I can't think of anything specific to see with this right now! If I think of something I'll definitely let you know though!! ❤️

Aside from all the fics I've been trying to catch up on, I have a few mystery novels I want to finish! Most of what I've read though this year had been my textbooks though 😂

And I hope your days have been going alright and will only get better from her on!🥰🥰You're amazing!! Thank you for all your advice! And I'll be sure to send that ask about you opinion on an idea I had after this! ❤️❤️❤️

XoXo Gossip Girl!

Hello gossip girl!!!

How have you been?

I’m glad to hear school is doing alright:) thank you so much! I’ve been writing more and faster (I think hehe) aww thank you! It makes me so happy to know you liked that story! I’m a firmly believer that Tommy would be a sweet man, he just couldn’t leave her there in the pouring rain at night… and she managed to win his heart too. (I might have a second part planned for later) but first I need to finish the ancient request I got a while ago, I think there are 2 more stories in my drafts (gotta hurry up). I’m writing the second part to The Runway!!! And I’m so excited about it 🥰 looove Lenny!

Congratulations on the good grades! Keep the hard work going ☺️ oh but I’m sure you will do it just fine! Trust yourself (best of luck with your classes!)

Remember to take deep breaths, try to think of the things that gives you peace usually (and of course post the stories you’ve been working!), it will be just fine 😉

Oh I think airports are a great source of inspiration, wow! That’s an impressive work, you have been writing a lot! It makes me so happy to hear that! Yeah I don’t like neighbors looking at what you’re doing haha I get so nervous, but you were neighbor’s free so it must’ve helped a lot. Did you keep writing? *eyes*… oh that post helped me too! Like a lot! Sometimes I pressure myself to write something long, over X words but when I read that I was like… wait a minute, some stories can work great as short, a Drabble… 🥰💕 aww you’re welcome! It makes my entire world to know you’ve found some inspiration in my silly posts… my job is done here. We don’t even realize the pressure we put on ourselves sometimes right? Some stories are mean to be short, a mini series, a long series or a one shot, and it’s perfectly fine, what really matters is that we write what we want and enjoy it.

In your other post you mention SA, but I don’t know what it means? And also TW’s? 🙈 also do you want me to post the other message with the ideas for your story? Let me know!… okay the general idea sounds great to me! I just have a few questions to fully understand the plot, which I will share on your next message if you tell me you are okay with me posting it. But to answer your dilemma, I’d say go for it because internally you’ve been thinking about it since the beginning! Don’t doubt yourself on it, whatever path you choose is going to be the right one because it’s part of your original idea 😉😊

Alfie was a great addition to the show! He is so interesting and unique, he has a lot of things to bring to the table…

Oh wow Morpheus sounds interesting 🤔 I will try to see if it’s around the platform I have subscription from, or at least a small video to get an idea of the show, although to tell you the truth? I find it hard to get hooked with another series than peaky, what have they done to me? I want/need 10 more series ahaha (said the frustrated one) 😂 but it would be good to have something else to look at.

Breakfast on Pluto was amazing, I loved his character there (I think they did it way too early tho, he could’ve won an Oscar for it years later, but we know he’s not after that… Virgin River is a small (and perfect) little town full of mountains and rivers and nice people, so Mel is a practitioner nurse,widow and she arrives to start her job at the small clinic, she meets Jack a former soldier and they fall in love, but things aren’t easy so there are a million ups and downs, a pregnant ex, the noisy neighbors, flashbacks from the war… it’s so good!

Wow don’t hide! I love interacting with you on anon messages so I guess it’s the same with your own blog 😉 but whatever makes you feel comfortable! I hope you decide to share more and more,the first one is the hardest, so… we’ll be waiting with open arms when you decide to leave the cave 💖 ah anytime sweetheart! Happy to help :)

Yeah I didn’t watch it either but a friend told me what happened and I was like O.o nope I’m not watching that hehe I mean, they left Samantha out *horror face* they had the audacity *gasp* hahah yeahI think whatever you fancy to drink works ;) what does flavored boba tastes? Ahh you *need* to watch AQP2, I was reluctant at first, but Emmett won my heart over… Anna meh, the general idea was amazing, but I think the movie had something missing? Is it just me? I mean why would they make Anna have a girlfriend and be with Lenny and the other agent…? What’s the point? Yeah living la vida loca, I get it, but (?) did he took her to Hawaii? Did the gf found out Anna cheated? I have a lot of questions haha that’s why I write for him lol and I love the psycho characters too! *high five* Jonathan Crane was great, but one of the best roles for me will always be Anthropoid and the edge of love, (love the war theme).

Oh please share the reading list! I love finding new pieces to read, I have a John Banville novel I bought back in November and I haven’t read it yet… I am too behind some stories (I need to catch up on reading asap..), but it will be around so I try to not pressure myself a lot, sometimes it’s just hard to keep up with everything. Ahah I bet you have! Luckily you will find some time to read novels and fiction during your free time ☺️

Days have been alright thanks, I’m doing my nails old way (Idont want to do gel anymore there are loads of videos saying how much damage it can make on the skin and although I really didn’t use the UV lamp like once a week, I want to protect my skin as much as I can…I’ve been writing a lot, more than usual so I’m trying to maximize the inspiration spree, days have been warmer and I want to see if I can find a friend to go to a concert in June, so wish me luck!

Thank you for your beautiful words 🥺 I am here to chat whenever you need, and to me you’re amazing as well! So brave and I wish you nothing but the best in every aspect of your life, see you around xx

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ghost-ghost-baby · 3 years

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I’ll put a spell on you (Yandere!Omega!Izuku x alpha!Reader)

inspo was strange and beautiful (I’ll put a spell on you) by aqualung

a/n: boy oh boy,,,, this one is uh,,, 2k words,,,,

Summary: You were taking too long! What could Izuku do except find a spell to help speed things along?

You and Izuku have been roommates for years, but you’re convinced he doesn’t like you and he’s determined to make you his.

warnings: big yandere themes,,, omegaverse obvi,,,, kinda drugging??? idk,,,, its a love spell but reader is already very in love w izuku just stupid aye,,,, very very mild nsfw themes,,,, cuts out b4 it gets too graphic, swearing, bonding, you get the picture,

“Seriously, Katsuki, you’ve gotten way too confident over the years. Was it because you needed a reminder of what it’s like to lose?” Your eyes scanned the blonde, eyebrow quirked as he struggled, “I can’t believe Shinso was right.” It was easy to block out the screams, your quirk always came in handy, even if it was just to shut him up, Rubbing your hands on your pants you turned around, eyes landing on the only other person.

“Oh, good luck Midoriya!” You grinned, giving a small wave before you ran off.

You saw more of Izuku after that, the omega always seemed to be upgrading his costume, and Hatsume had almost killed you when he’d asked you to help with the designs. It was hard not to get close to the guy, and you’d tried your best! You didn’t have time for… for people! You needed to focus on your inventions. But Izuku was persistent, and you’d soon found yourself sitting with him and his friends at lunch. You weren’t the only alpha of the group, Iida and Todoroki shared your dynamic, a fact that didn’t seem to bother anyone. You were glad, you’d never really cared about dynamics, it was nice to be around people who shared that sentiment. You’d all graduated now, and surprisingly you and Izuku ended up sharing an apartment, you did work in the same area, it made sense at the time.

“Are we still having dinner tonight?” Izuku peered into the bathroom, slight frown on his features as he observed you getting ready.

“Yeah of course man, it’s just a lunch date so I’ll be back early.” You shrugged, using your quirk to bring your jacket over.

“You could just ask me to get you your jacket.” Izuku shook his head, watching as the clothing floated over, bubble popping as your hand made contact.

“I know, it’s just a habit, I’ve always used it for little things.” You smiled as you put your jacket on, ruffling Izuku’s hair as you walked past. He was always fussing over you, or cooking, asking if you needed anything. It was cute, but you’d die before you admitted it.

“I’ll be back before you know it, text me if you need anything.” You absentmindedly pressed a kiss to Izuku’s hair, waving before the door shut behind you.

“And you’re sure this’ll work?” Izuku frowned as he flipped the bottle in his fingers, it seemed too good to be true.

“Just like the label says, omega, it’ll make anyone fall in love with ya! As long as there’s already a spark, of course! And it could trigger… their time of the month. So watch out for that!” The lady smiled at him, dark purple hair framing her face. Her eyes matched, although the purple was much, much brighter, and almost seemed to glow. Izuku nodded, grabbing the cash out of his wallet and quickly passing it over before he said goodbye. He didn’t want to be caught there, what would the press say? What would you say?

You ended up getting home late, much, much later than you planned. You’d run into friends on the way home, you hadn’t seen them in ages and well… you’d never been good at saying no. You’d texted Izuku, but he hadn’t responded, and maybe you’d stayed out later to avoid his wrath.

“God, I’m gonna have to do something to make up for this… something good.” You mumbled as you walked into your apartment, hands running through your hair as you looked around.

“Izuku? Honey I’m home!” You called, trying to lighten the tension you felt in the room. It didn’t work, and your heart was in your throat as you put your bag down. You hated disappointing people, and Izuku was always so good to you.

“There’s leftovers in the fridge if you want anything.”

“”Oh actually I’m uh… not hungry…” You trailed off as you walked into the kitchen, Izuku turning around from making something to look at you.

“Did you eat while you were out?” You must be crazy, there’s no way that was an edge to his voice.

“No actually! I just haven’t had any appetite lately.”

“You know you need to try and eat even when you have no appetite. I made tea.” Just like that his voice was back to it’s usual tone, and he sat down in front of you, pushing a mug towards you.

“Yeah I know. Thank you Izuku, you’re always so good to me. I’m so sorry about missing dinner but I ran into my friends coming home and they dragged me out and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Y/n, we can have dinner tomorrow, just finish your tea and we’ll get you into bed, okay?”

You were too drunk to disagree.

You felt weird when you woke up. You weren’t hungover, but something was wrong. Was Izuku okay? Wait, why were you- you should make sure he’s okay. You were only in a shirt, you didn't remember changing last night, did Izuku help you? You barely remembered anything after you’d come home, you’d just talked, drank the tea, and then it was blank. The tea had been really good, it was weirdly sweet though, you had to admit.

“Izuku? Are you awake?” You padded into the kitchen, squinting at how bright it was.

“Of course, it’s already two, I didn’t want to wake you up.” You sighed when Izuku was there, safe and happy as he always was.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… hungover or something.” You slid into a chair, eyes trained on the omega as he pushed a banana and some water in front of you. “They’re good for hangovers.”

“Thanks ‘Zu”

“You’re going out?” You couldn’t keep the surprise from your voice, Izuku rarely went out unless he was working.

“Yeah just a work thing! I’ll be back in no time!” The omega came over to where you were on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket because you still felt off. “Unless you need me to stay?”

“No of course not! I’ll be fine, it’s probably just a bug.” You did your best to smile, letting your friend hug you. He was about to pull away when you let your cheek brush against his scent gland, the action making you blush while Izuku smiled.

“I’ll see you when I get back!”

This was awful, you’d been tortured, kidnapped, forced to deal with Katsuki, but this was far worse. You couldn’t explain it, but as soon as Izuku was out of your sight your anxiety had skyrocketed, and as much as you tried to fight it, you were pacing in front of the door. He should be back by now, or he should have texted! What if he’d gotten hurt, he didn’t tell you who he was going out with, what if-

“Yeah Todoroki I’m okay, he was worse off than me anyway!” Your heart soared at Izuku’s voice and you were wrenching the door open without a second thought. A snarl ripped out of you when you took in your omega, sporting a few grazes and a bruised jaw that had not been there when he left.

“What the fuck happened?” Your tone didn’t even sound like you, you sounded feral. Your hands quickly reached out, pulling Izuku into a hug and growling when Todoroki tried to say something. “You can leave, I’ve got him now.”

Straight to your room was where you headed, gently sitting Izuku on the bed before you grabbed your first aid kit. Thank god it was only light injuries, you didn’t know what you’d do if something worse had happened.

“Who did this?”

“Just some random alpha tryna get too handsy, he’s in far worse shape than- are you okay?” Izuku’s tone turned concerned as you let out another growl, halfway through bandaging his hand. You couldn’t speak, you just needed to focus on this and- huh? Izuku was running his fingers through your hair, the action almost made you purr, surprisingly calming you down enough to finish patching him up.

“I should have gone with you, I should have-” “Hey, Y/n, you couldn’t have done anything, it’s okay.” Izuku pulled you up to his level and you nodded, unable to stop how your hands shook. Izuku was so close, and he smelled so good, you just wanted to-

“Did you just lick me?” Izuku looked at you with wide eyes, only now taking in how lidded your own eyes were. A low growl bubbled up before you could stop it, and you were pushing the omega down on the bed and straddling him without a second thought. This had happened because of you. If you’d claimed Izuku sooner people would know he was yours, and he wouldn’t have to defend himself. Your teeth were an inch from Izuku’s neck when you pulled back, hand coming up to cover your mouth.

“I-I’m so sorry, I don’t know what-”

“I don’t want you to stop, please Y/n.” Izuku’s cheeks were tinged pink, and god why’d you have to sit right on his hips? You could already feel him getting hard.

“Oh god, did I send you into heat? Fuck I’m sorry, I’ve been on suppressants I didn’t real-” You started, it was taking everything you had not to lose it. Izuku looked so pretty, pupils blown out and cheeks already flushed. Why hadn’t you done this sooner? Fuck. You slowly leant down, willpower decreasing by the second, and then your lips were on his. A whimper left you at how good he tasted, you’d never tasted anything this good before! You wanted more! Izuku was made for you, this only proved it. You loved him so much.

Why did your neck hurt so bad? The last thing you remembered was Izuku being injured and you patching him up. A whine made you open your eyes, disbelief shooting through you when you saw Izuku. He was covered in scratches and bites, only wearing your shirt, and sporting a bright red bite on his scent gland. Oh fuck, panic set in as you sat up. This was bad, even for you. You'd done it now, he'd want nothing to do with you. God what had happened to you last night? You were always in control, and as memories of how Izuku had sounded the night before wormed into your brain you couldn't stop your whole body flushing. The omega let out another whine, snuggling closer to your side as if he could sense how stressed you were. Well, he probably could now, the two of you were bonded. You'd completely ruined his life with your selfishness, bonds were incredibly hard to break and the pair would never be the same again. But you couldn't make him stay with you. Oh he'd want to move out wouldn't he? How could he not? You'd completely betrayed his trust and acted like every asshole alpha you hated so much. You should move too, maybe to America? Somewhere far away where you wouldn't bother anyone. Warmth stung your eyes and you realised you'd been crying, how much more pathetic could you get? Izuku was the one who should be upset! You'd ruined his life! Arms wrapped around you as you let out a sob, immediately trying to push the omega away, maybe you should just kill yourself and sever the bond like that- Then at least he’d be able to find someone he actually wanted to be with.

“Alpha… why’re you upset…?” Izuku yawned as he sat up, and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak, or look at him. The worry you could sense through the bond made your stomach turn, you didn’t deserve his concern! You were horrible, you were-

“Alpha, c’mon, look at me… please?” Izuku’s voice broke and you turned to look at him, eyes zoning in on the mark you’d left on his neck.

“I’m sorry- I triggered your heat and- and betrayed your-”

“Y/n, I love you, I wanted this, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Izuku cooed, pulling your head to his chest and running his hands through your hair like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was like a weight lifted off of your chest, like all the puzzle pieces fit together, he was all you’d ever need.

“I love you too, Izuku.”

#omegaverse #omegaverse x reader #bnha omegaverse #bnha x reader #bnha imagine #omegaverse imagine #omega izuku #alpha reader #yandere izuku #yandere x reader #yandere bnha #omega izuku x reader #yandere izuku x reader

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adorethedistance · 3 years

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Doomsayers - Owen Joyner x Artist!Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, existential dread, pretty mild content overall.

Words: 1110

Summary: Owen had to practically harass you to get you to relax on your mutual day off, but the quality time together takes an unexpected turn when you exhibit a small sense of self-doubt.

A/N: I’m sorry I’ve sort of disappeared but I’ll offer an explanation in the footnote. Other than that, requests are still being filled right now. Let this self-indulgent piece hold you over in the meantime. I wanted to get something out and due to how the process went with finishing this one, I think I’m slowly easing back into a writing spell after such a long period of writer’s block.

“Y/N!” Owen yells, dragging out my name despite being a mere ten feet away.

“Oweennnnn,” I whine back in an insincerely mocking tone. My almost too loving boyfriend is lying in the unmade sheets of my bed, groaning at me from a supine position. I’m switching in between sitting and standing as I work on a new painting for a client. It’s a magical realist take on an Italian cobblestone street view, and I’ve spent so much time on the painting this week that I’m way ahead of schedule. Owen knows this and is consequently moaning at me from his spot where he’s nestled on my bed.

A lazy Saturday is exactly what we both needed, but when I decided I had a little time the morning before he showed up, I’d gotten so invested in my workflow that I didn’t even break to answer the door. This isn’t the first time Owen’s had to let himself into my place with the key I gave him for our one-year anniversary. Essentially: when I have a warm drink in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, there’s no telling when I’ll break next.

“We’re supposed to be relaxing. Why are you working on our lazy Saturday?”

“I’m not working.” I brush a loose strand of hair out of my face, careful not to dab a glob of yellow oil paint across my cheek.

“You are painting a commission. It’s literally work, babe.”

“Hush. I’ve got a good workflow going.”

“If you don’t put that brush down in the next 10 seconds… I’ll… I’ll break up with you!”

“No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t,” he sighs defeatedly. “But I will start crying.”

“Owen-” I stand up straight after being hunched over the canvas for so long.

“Please?” When I look at my boyfriend he’s giving me the most pitiful pout in the world and I can’t help but smile. His pout morphs into a full grin when I set my paintbrush into a plastic cup of water and oil solution.

“I hate you, you know that?”

“I love you!”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“Hush.”

I crawl up the length of my bed to join Owen who awaits my arrival with open arms. He’s resting on all my different pillows which are strewn about the bed via his nesting tendency. Once I’m laying down, Owen wraps both arms around my waist and rests his face on the nape of my neck. He presses a kiss to the bottom-most cervical vertebrae and inhales my scent delightedly.

“You enjoying yourself back there?”

“You smell good,” he mumbles shyly. Hugging his arms around me tighter, he traces soothing circles on my hip bone with his right index finger. His head comes to a static position as he’s finally comfortable, and slings his left leg over the side of my left thigh. I can’t help but laugh at the assumed position, and pull out my phone to entertain myself, knowing damn well that Owen will be asleep in a matter of minutes.

When I open instagram my face falters a little bit. The most recent post is from my coworker Kelly, and it’s a video of her 6 month old baby. In the video, her husband is holding the baby, making funny faces at her to get her to laugh. The sight is adorable and kind of saddening all at once. They seem like such a happy family and I’m sharply reminded by a thump in my chest of how Kelly got the promotion we were both up for last week. Her life seems magnificent, and mine feels like it hasn’t started yet. I know she’s three years older than me, but still. Three years isn’t that much. I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, or going to do.

“Owen?” I don’t trust my voice to lift over a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?”

“I am now that you’re finally relaxing with me-”

“No,” I cut off his pointed comment with a breathy laugh, “I mean with life in general.” Owen’s finger stops tracing circles, and there’s no more movement of him making small adjustments. The only proof I have of him being alive is the faint tickle of his breath across the exposed skin of my neck.

“I mean, not everything is fantastic per se, but I’m content with the balance of good and bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I still get in my own head with auditions a bit, but I have acting and a new pad and you,” Owen emphasizes his statement by hugging onto my waist a bit tighter. “Why? What’s up?”

“I don’t know. I just get consumed by the thought that--yes, everyone wants to be happy--but it just doesn’t happen for some people. Everyone has dreams and goals and aspirations, but how many people can actually say that they have their dream career or dream life?” I let out an involuntary sigh from subconsciously holding my breath. “What if I’m not one of the people who gets to be happy?”

“Woah… where is this coming from?” Owen holds onto me tighter at the lack of a response. He presses a lingering kiss to my back and doesn’t move away until he feels my shoulders physically relax in his grasp.

“You deserve to be happy. And you will be even if you aren’t right now. Even if the bad outweighs the good right now, you have me. I’m here for you… I love you, Y/n.”

“I know. I love you.”

“Besides, aren’t you a little young to be having so much existential dread?”

“Oh, that is so rich coming from you.”

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Owen scoffs in defense of his honor.

“You are the biggest doomsayer I have ever met.”

“It could be worse. I could be this existential and look like you.” It’s my turn to play up defensive with an exaggerated gasp.

“You can cuddle with yourself then while I-”

“No! I’m sorry, please don’t leave!” His hold on my body grows impossibly tighter as he pulls me into his broad chest. I give in and stop struggling against him. Owen peppers the bare skin of my neck in staccato kisses to restore my tranquility. It’s not long until the two of us settle into a comfortable silence, simply desiring to be enveloped in one another’s presence. The syncopation of our breathing is the only sign of life in the room, and I’m consumed by a moment's clarity: as long as I have Owen, the good will always outweigh the bad.

***

A/n: Okay so for you nosy fuckers who care to read this: the reason I kinda disappeared... is so fuckin dumb. Idk how I got here but atm I’m #obsessed with Mat Barzal. Yeah. The hockey player. I don’t want to become a hockey blog tho so I figured I’d just go through this on my own and then resurface once I’m back on my JATP headassery. Slowly but surely, I can get through it. I go through periods of time where I exclusively read fics and then exclusively write fics. This has been a time of reading recently as I’ve purged the majority of Barzal content on here.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @celestialmolina @lilyjoyner

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bestbouy · 3 years

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Sick

By -Me! Person for: @rubystar2 Summary: Ikor Isn’t feeling very well, But he thinks nothing of it, refusing to tell anyone. -Well, Until he collapses In the middle of Battle. Character Focus: Ikor (Ice herald), Riff (Fire Herald). (Other characters are mentioned) Warnings: idk how to spell ikor's tribe thingie, Or Riff's, And it's quite long. Don't judge me. I got carried away. Oh, and Riff has no clue how to make Eggs And Bacon. When Ikor first felt it, He was in the forest with the others Trying to find a shard of the Elestar. His head was Aching slightly, And he felt like he might fall over. at first, he just rubbed his head and brushed It off. Riff was talking a lot today. And that was that, Til tomorrow. The next day, He was feeling worse. His Headache was Bigger, he had a Stuffy nose now, And he wasn't looking so hot either. He looked like he was sick. He didn't notice. . . Or he didn't want too. Nobody else noticed, Not until the fifth day. Ikor figured out what was happening by now. He felt so *Cold*. he *never* Felt cold. He was an Icey! How was he *Cold?* He didn't want to Admit it. for all he knew, He was the first Icey to get sick like this! ~Third day, Morning~ Ikor was hobbling down the stairs, Yawning. He wasn't feeling great, As always. His head hurt anytime he tried to move- or think. He just felt so cold- "Good morning!" Ikor looked over and saw Riff sitting with Ao-ki, Trek and Eron. He attempted to look like he didn't Want to run back upstairs, surround himself in Pillows, and cry silently for the next Hour or two. "Hello Riff, good morning everyone." He responded. they all had their "Hello"s and "G'morning!"s. "How's it going, Icemen?" Riff asked. He sounded... A bit worried, But ikor was too stressed to care. "I'm fine. How are you today?" "I'm just great! Y'know, Fireys(?????) being the best, And all." Ikor snickered, Riff never missed a chance to sneak in how his tribe was the best. "Listen, we All know MY tribe is the best, Riff." Ikor said, and (Attempting not the stumble) He walked over and sat down next to him. Eron continued his ramble on about something, Something about a Wind shard in the wind realm, Something about ice cream or something? Ikor wasn't listening, He was to busy arguing with riff about Who's tribe was the best. "us Fireys have cool Dances! And crazy dangerous homes!" "Iceys are the best, We life Calculated and safe. And your "Cool dances" are quiet Stupid." "Hey! our dances are the coolest!" "Nuh-uh." "Yuh-huh!" "Oh yeah? well i think-" They where inturruped by a large BOOM as the ground shook underneith them. Ikor wobbled, And then tumbled to the ground. The shaking stopped, And Riff got up to help ikor up. "Woah! Ikor, You good?" Riff asked, Alarmed. "I'm fine, Thank you. What was that?" He asked. They ran outside, Ikor close behind Riff as they ran. It was Gredd, and it looked like he had a new power. Or something like that, Ikor was to distracted by that gosh darn HEADACHE! It hurt so much it was hard to focus. Riff seemed to notice Ikor's Struggle, So he turned to Ikor and said; "Don't worry, I got this Joker!" Riff exclaimed, And began to summon a Gormiti. Ikor just stood next to him as he did the whole "Elemental knights!" Thingie, You know. Ikor was just standing By, looking around and trying to look normal. As riff summoned Hurik, Gredd seemed to grin Wider. "Your Fire gormiti don't scare me Now, Herald!" He said, And with a shout of "Darkwave!" The fight was on. "Blastblaze!" Hurik shouted, the fire gormiti summoning his attack. Ikor noticed something. Something important. There was something... off about gredd's attack. It was more- Powerful? He didn't know, He was sure he miss saw. If only he did. The darkwave went straight through the Blastblaze, And hurik Dodged. "How is he this powerful?" Hurik shouted. "I quite like your elestar shards, Heralds!" Gredd shouted out, Summoning another darkwave. Then ikor saw it. one hand focussing attacks, and Gredd's other hand, Holding Two shards. Ikor was stunned, and not

long after he saw them, riff saw them too. Just as riff was distracted by the shards, Gredd had grinned evilly. with a shout of "Dark wave!", hurik was too weakened to do anything, So he put his hands up to shield himself. But gredd wasn't Aiming for hurik. Riff looked up, And saw it was heading right for him. He gasped, and right before it hit him, Right before he was taken care of . . . What happened? The dark wave Exploded on the target, and Dirt went up everywhere. As the smoke cleared, Gredd had not, in fact, Hit what he intended too. No, he hit a much more. . . Icey, target. Ikalos stood, Still as ice, His shield in hand and blocking the attack from gredd and smiling. "What do you think you're doing, Darken?" Ikor stood, Shaky as grass, Trying with all his might to keep in position. But it was hard, and he couldn't Focus well. As Ikalos Blocked and threw off attacks at Gredd, Ikor weakened and Weakened. How long did he have to do this? it was beginning to tire him. . . Ikor heard something. He ignored it, Head spinning. He felt like he needed to rest his eyes. Just for a second, Y'know? Close them, Open them, he'd feel soo much better if he just closed his eyes. Just for a second. just. . . For a. . . second . . . ? Riff's P.O.V When Ikalos blocked gredd's attack, Riff was almost down in tears. but instead, taking his chance, He scampered away. Moving towards ikor as he Focused on Ikalos. As ikalos threw attacks and blocked others, Riff reached ikor. "T-Thanks, Ikor. Guess icey's aren't as bad as i thought!" he laughed, Stumbling over to the Icey and grinning. Ikor didn't answer, So Riff slightly poked him. "Ikor? Gorm to Ikor? Sheesh, Maybe you icey's ARE bad." Riff snorted. Ikor still didn't reply. Instead, He had stumbled back, Closed his eyes, And fell straight over. Riff gasped, And the others ran over. "What happened to Ikor?" Ao-ki asked, worried. "I don't know! He just fell over!" "Did gredd do anything?" Trek asked "Not that i could see- He just- he-" Riff stumbled over his words, Looking at the unconscious Boi sadly. Trek looked over At ikalos and Gredd. "Wait! Guys, If ikor's Unconcious, He can't focus on Ikalos!" "Which means i will have an Easy Pickings!" Gredd laughed, Throwing a DarkWave and hitting Ikalos directly on the chest. "What happened to Ikor? He needs to focus or i can't fight!" Ikalos shouted at the others. "Uhm- We have a bit of a problem, Bud! He's kinda. . . Asleep?" "WHAT? If he's asleep, I can't-" Ikalos was cut short as an icicle when he quickly disappeared. Trek looked over at Gredd. "We need another gormiti!" he said quickly. "But gredd's got two ice shards! How're we gonna beat him?" "Hey!" Eron piped up. "Remember when we summoned all four of the Lords all that time ago?" "Yeah, Why? We can't summon a Lord,-" "Buuuuuut we can summon two Normal gormiti! I mean, It must be so much easier, And gredd can't focus on Two gormiti!" Riff paused, Looking at the others. "...It might just work." Ao-ki said finally. (Don't ask. don't ask why gredd's just been watching. you'll know why if you have ever watched gormiti. the pauses for convo's are so insane.) Trek and Eron stood up, Beginning to focus as Ao-ki and Riff carried Ikor inside the Tower. Riff assumed that they where successful, As he could them cheering as they got ikor inside and Laying down. Riff took a better look at Ikor. "Sheesh, He looks terrible. How long has he been like this?" "He's sick. I'd say he's had the cold for awhile. . ." Ao-ki explained. "Well why the howling didn't he tell us about that?! That's like, Super important!" "I don't know, But hopefully when he wakes up he'll provide an answer." Ao-ki said. "Hopefully. . ." A little while later, Eron and Trek came back in, Looking exausted. "Is Ikor any better? What happened?" Eron asked, Hopping quickly over to an Unconscious Ikor. "He was Sick. We assume for at least a couple of days." Ao-ki explained. "And for SOME REASON-" Riff crossed his arms, A pout on his face. "-HE DIDN'T TELL US!" "Well obviously, But

i hope he's Okay." Trek sad, Looking down sadly at Ikor. 3rd Person P.O.V Ikor slept for a good while, So the others decided to keep busy. . . . If "keeping busy" Is "Juggling Jewels" or "Taking a nap" or "Worrying about the ice boi". after about half an hour, The compass suddenly made a farmiliar "BEEP BEEP BEEP" sound, Starttling everyone. Ao-ki walked over, picked up the Compass, and Looked to everyone else, excited. "It's a Shard of the Elestar! There's one in the forest!" She exclaimed. "Well then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Eron said, Shaking trek awake. "W-Wha? A shard? Shouldn't we be with Ikor?" He yawned. "I'll stay with Ikor in case he wakes up, Y'all should go get the shard." Riff said, Looking down at Ikor. He had been worrying about Ikor all day, Ever Since he collapsed. "Okay. . . Let us know when we come back if he's okay." Ao-ki said, Beginning to beckon the others to the door. "C'mon guys!" she shouted as they left. Riff's P.O.V Silence seeped in afterwords, As ikor seemed to shift in his sleep. Was he waking up already? No, Ikor was just moving. He wasn't awake yet. Riff groaned. He was bored already. What was he gonna do while Ikor woke up?? It suddenly came to Riff's attention, A small Kitchen off to the side of the tower. It wouldn't hurt to try it out, Would it? Nah, Fireys can do anything! Ikor's P.O.V Ikor woke up to the smell of something Burning. He groaned, Sitting up and reaching his hand up to rub his head. Ikor actually felt much better, His headache was basically gone, And he felt unbothered. But, Y'know, All things have their end. as He Looked around, he Noticed the trail of Smoke coming out of the kitchen off to the Side. "Agh! Uh, This needs suger!-" a pause, Then a yelp. "-THAT'S SALT- Oh wait i was supposed to put that in, That's good. Wait, How much salt Do i need again? Eh, I'll just pour in the whole bag. What's it gonna do wrong?" Another pause, And ikor heard something falling over and spilling. "Oh sheesh- OH NO THE CINNAMON-" Ikor eventually figured out it was Riff, But one question Remained. What the howling was riff making? Ikor slowly got up, attempting not to wince in pain as he moved his Legs. He looked towards the Kitchen and began hobbling over. Apparently, His moving had made a Sound, as Riff poke his head out the kitchen Doorframe. "Ikor! You're awake! I'm making you some eggs and bacon, Just give me a second!" Riff exclaimed, But his smile dipped a bit. "Oh! And you need to explain a lot of stuff when i'm done!" It took ikor a second, But he found it in him to Snap at the Firey. "R-Riff, Why the Howling would EGGS AND BACON need SALT AND CINNAMON?" He hissed at him, Grabbing the door for Support the moment he got near it. "Uh- Well, I'm putting everything i like in them, then adding the eggs and bacon together! That's how you make eggs and bacon, Right?" "You've NEVER made eggs before? Seriously?" Ikor snorted. "I'm guessing that's a no, Then?" Ikor raised an eyebrow, And Riff Shrunk down a bit. Ikor sighed, Walking towards him best he could, and sitting down on a stool. "Don't worry. I can't make them right now, But i can tell you how. Okay. Get rid of all this- Stuff, and get out a Pan, Some Butter, and- FOR LORDS SAKE, YOU PUT THEM IN THE OVEN?-" That went on for awhile, Ikor telling Riff what to do and Riff (Kinda) doing it. with a couple of "NONONONO *NOT* THE SALT AGAIN-" And one "Why the howling would you cut the bacon up???", They eventually finished the bacon and eggs. Or eggs and bacon. LISTEN I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO PUT IT- "For a firey, You actually did pretty well following commands." Ikor said, taking a bite of his charred Bacon. "But you cooked the bacon too much, You idiot." Ikor joked. "At least *I* didn't say to cook it to your liking." Riff said. "These are perfect for me." "At the ice kingdom, We don't even cook them. We eat raw." "WHAT?" They sat there, Talking about anything that came to their minds. It wasn't Exciting, almost relaxing. "I was never one to study our dances, But i

can't see how they look stupid!" "It just does! I don't understand why you do it, Is all." "We just do!" As Riff finished his Bacon, he looked back up at ikor. "And Hey! you never explained why you didn't tell us about you being sick!" He said, Pointing his fork at him. "Ah. . . I was hoping you'd forget, You fireys always do." "Hey! We are not, We're very- Heeyyyy, Stop changing the subject! Tell me!" "I kinda. . . Thought you guys wouldn't like me, And in turn would get rid of me, Because honestly, Who just keeps a Herald around that nobody likes? And you would replace me with some stupid Icey, And my father would hate me, And y'all would go on without me, Never giving me a second thought, And maybe just hating iceys more then ever." Ikor spilled. "But" he said. "Now that i think about it." He added. "I know you guys wouldn't do that to me. Y'all are my friends. You always will be, And i trust all of you to know that." He smiled at Riff, And Riff smiled back. Maybe this was going to be okay. Maybe he didn't have to hide all his problems anymore. Maybe. . . Just maybe. . . He could be a part of a new family. //Note: I took WAY too long\\ //I'M SO SORRY\\

#gormiti #Ikor #gormiti ikor #ikor gormiti #Reboot 2018 #gormiti 2018 #gormiti reboot 2018 #happi boi #I'M SO SORRY DEAR LORD I TOOK TOO LONG

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lizacstuff · 3 years

Text

SCK Asks: Episode 38

(asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: happy edser just HITS different. maybe it's because we've been so deprived of them together and blissful, it's such a joy to watch. i had a silly grin on my face during all their scenes. sure the tumor cloud is looming over our heads, but this episode only laid the foundation for that and then went into romcom mode, which i really appreciated because we've been bogged down for SO LONG with heaviness, it was nice to just take a breather.

OMG! Yes, all of this. And I’m not sure if it’s happy Edser that hits different, or if it was whatever magic and sparkle these writers injected into this episode that made it hit different.

The magic was BACK. The sparkle was BACK. These writers took the most ridiculous scenario idea (these two famous architects deciding to solve a murder) and just made it sing. I grinned through the whole thing and laughed out loud, A LOT.

This was the first episode in ages where I wasn’t watching the clock and waiting for some uncomfortable or unpleasant moment or scene to occur. Instead watching was pure joy and no anxiety, even with a tumor diagnosis.

There was so much good Edser in this episode it’s hard to know what to talk about. I loved every moment they were on screen together.

Anonymous said: I have to hand it to you, you said that the reason they were doing this pregnancy story is so that we could find out that Selin and Serkan never slept together. ngl I wanted her to suffer more, but as long as she’s gone I’m fine with her punishment being the humiliation of having to admit that in front of Eda.

Ha! Yes, I have said that all along, and I’ve never been more relieved to be right. They really went the extra mile with having Selin spell out that it hadn’t happened. With the English subs it almost sounded like they had never, ever had sex, even before. If so, I could actually believe it, their prior relationship seemed to be very business like, like they were each other’s safe, convenient date to business and family functions, and it wasn’t emotional or physical for him.

After the gross story around Selin, and how much damage she did and how much she got away with, this was not nearly enough comeuppance to sate my thirst for her pain. These writers started this story and introduced Selin’s role in it, so it’s not like they 100% inherited something they had nothing to do with. However, between Bige’s limited availability due to her father passing, Sarp Can having covid, and the way the other writers drug it into the ground, I’m also just happy it’s over and will deal with this being all we get, plus, while she didn’t get punished adequately, she did take her lumps. It’s humiliating that Serkan went around acting incredulous to everyone who would listen that she could be pregnant because he never touched her, even while she was his fiancé. I mean that’s a shrinker. Can you imagine agreeing to marry a man who you knew didn’t want to touch you? Everyone now knows her sad, pathetic desperation to have him under any circumstances. Yikes.

And as you say, she then had to stand in front of Eda and Serkan and admit he didn’t touch her. Admit that Serkan never wanted her, and it’s humiliating that everyone at Art Life knows what she did and thinks she’s a monster. Serkan finally knows she’s an awful manipulator who tried to trick him, and in the end she gets an unplanned pregnancy with a man who doesn’t love her and whom she doesn’t love. So it’s not like she’s winning by any stretch of the imagination.

(Though I really wish everyone knew (mostly Serkan and Eda) that she sabotaged Eda’s presentation. It’s important for the characters to know that she can’t be trusted professionally as well as personally... but oh well.)

Anonymous said: Two things: 1) I kinda love it even more that they got the tattoos before he found about the illness.. idk why but it was even MORE romantic. Also does this mean they're kinda sorta engaged again since the reason she said no in the first place was Selin? and 2) I need more of that "ring for love" bell ASAP. My jaw actually dropped when he lifted her up since we were deprived of it in 26.. please more breaking of family structures!!

Oh I agree, I found it very romantic they went and got the tattoos and the only impetus was their desire to have a symbol of their love. I already love those tattoos so much, and I love that they sat their designing them together. They really do signify the ultimate commitment.

I’m not sure if they’re engaged or not. Maybe they’re in a place where it’s obvious they’re going to get married, they both know they’re going to get married, but we’re still going to get one more proposal to make it official?

As for the ring for love bell, when and where did he get that!? Hee. And yes to more breaking of the Turkish family structure. That lift and twirl through the living room was... HOT. And it was just so effortless, there are just no words at times for how good Hande and Kerem are, I’ve really never seen anything like it. They don’t really have time to rehearse on set, or limitless takes or the time to really block and perfect things, but they’re just so good together they make magic happen every time they’re on screen. Amazing. Enjoy this kids, because you probably won’t see anything like it again.

Anonymous said: With the nature of these shows, Eda and Serkan will not a blissful happily ever after without something hanging over there heads or some new drama until the show actually ends. So if the new angst is Serkan's potential illness, I'm down for the potential angst it'll create.. it's already a good sign that, although he hasn't told her about it yet, he's not pushing her away in fear, but instead the opposite. I also don't think, and really hope not, him keeping it secret rn won't cause trouble.

Yes, I like that even with that heavy health news hanging over the episode, it was still light and funny and romantic and had that old sparkle. That tells me that they’re going to strike the right tone with this story which seems to be a very carpe diem thing with Serkan.

It didn’t bother me that he didn’t tell her. First, he told the doctor that he didn’t want anyone to know until he had a diagnosis. That makes sense, why worry her, or any of them, before they know. I’m sure I would feel different if he was pushing her away because of the diagnosis, but since he’s holding her close and just seems to want to spend time with her, without that heaviness hanging over her head, I’m okay with it.

Also, as seen in the new fragman, if this story is an excuse to get them out of the office and put them in all sorts of scenarios together it would otherwise be hard to justify, bring it on. Let’s see how far down the list of things to do they can get!

Anonymous said: i know no one reaaaally cares because they're not most people's favorite side characters, but it's really much nicer to watch aydan and ayfer scenes now that they're both on "team edser" and have become really good friends. i swear, the AAA trio scenes were so unbearable to watch when they were fighting over him and i was fast forwarding through all of them.. at least i can sit through team "united" aydan/ayfer scenes.

They’re actually enjoyable scenes now! I love that they’ve become actual true friends, best friends really, and along with Seyfi I love their little trio. Love that Seyfi and Ayfer were being so supportive about Aydan rekindling something with Kemal. And I agree that we can root for them when they’re working for Edser’s well-being and happiness. I just hope Aydan doesn’t do something stupid if there begins to be some question about Serkan’s parentage.

Anonymous said: the scooby doo gang ending had me laughing so hard i was tearing up when more and more people kept sneaking in and eda and serkan were getting more and more exasperated. erdem accidentally using flash took me tf out lmao. i love when sck does comedy with the whole cast and not just the usual "comedy" characters.. they're some of my favorite scenes! both "asking for the girl" scenes come to mind.

You could see Erdem using the flash coming from a mile away, but that still didn’t blunt the comedy when he actually did it. So funny. Also Engin not recognizing Eda, imagine him thinking Serkan is there with some rando woman. I also love the full cast comedy scenes, they are so much fun and really should be utilized as often as possible.

The scene where Edser walk back into the house and Aydan and Kemal were there paying their respects had me screech-laughing! So so so funny. Both sides being incredulous that the other was there and wanting answers! I also enjoyed that Serkan obviously put Erdem in charge of Kemal’s project, because he wants that project to go away. Unfortunately for Serkan, I think it’s going to take more than Erdem to drive Kemal away.

Anonymous said: Everyone is saying serkan planned the whole thing, do you buy into that? Idk would he really put everyone in a gunpoint situation where they don’t know it’s fake? Cause that’s some potentially trauma inducing stuff. Also I have no idea where they’re going with this, since it’s been a 4 day break from set which is kind of worrying. And do you know why Melisa wasn’t in the ep? I know Sarp can got Covid but wasn’t Melisa posting with cast members on her story throughout the week?

Wow, this is a lot of negative energy and fretting after a really good episode. Deep breath. Since you sent this, we know that Hande and Kerem have been shooting for 2 full days at a romantic looking beach location for 39, so it looks like Edser has some sort of mini-getaway. I don’t see any reason to be concerned about the 4 day break last week. (now the fragman’s out, hopefully that puts your mind at ease)

No idea why Melissa wasn’t in the ep, other than the way the ep was structured with the supporting characters, if she had to miss the ArtLife shooting day then I can see that they would have had to write her out of the full episode, because most of their scenes were there and it set up everything for the rest of the episode. So perhaps she was in quarantine for a Covid exposure, maybe she was legit sick/injured (she has had a foot thing) or maybe she had a conflict for that one shooting day. No idea, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Also her absence gave us Ferit/Melo scenes and I’m 100% behind that, give us more of those!

As far as if Serkan planned the whole thing, he did look pretty smug and relaxed while sitting there at the end, but he also wasn’t planning for the whole group to tag along and make a mess, lmao. We’ll have to see.

Anonymous said: Do you think bad ratings makes sck in danger of being cancelled or do you think high social media engagement keeps it safe?

Friends, I don’t know anything about the Turkish system, but it seems to me that SCK will either go through May or extend into summer and end then, regardless of the ratings. We shall see. As I’ve said before I’m not going to engage in the fretting and worrying and discussion on this topic because no fan really knows what they’re talking about and there is nothing we can do to change what will happen. So just enjoy the show while we can, the news on when it will end will come when it comes.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal kapimi #edser #sck episode discussion #sckask #sck 1x38 #asklizac #anonymous

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xcziel · 3 years

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get to know me

tagged by @vishcount (thank you!!) and i'll follow her format bc making two posts seems a little much - i'm not that interesting!!

(hilariously, this post shows up as blocked for me bc of the tag 'joker' which? tumblr?????)

Part I

name: i'm an internet old, so i never use my real name online, mainly because it's spelled in a very unique way (thanks mom & dad) - i mean like, if you googled it you could find my home address in a few seconds kind of unique - but also, though i do enjoy the spelling, i actually don't like it very much when it's said out loud? (is it weird that my name written down is 'me', but my name aloud has never felt like 'me'?) always wanted a nickname but never acquired one :/

at any rate, i've had the username xcziel forever and i go by that 😊 (pronounced ex-SEE-zee-el, similar to etc. or ex-SET-er-ah! thanks @xia-xueyi for pointing out that it can be confusing to guess!)

rest behind a cut because it got long!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i don't ... really *do* astrology? but technically saggitarius

height: 5'4" (162.5cm for the intl folks)

time: 5:43pm but these thing take me forever to type out so ... ???

birthday: playing the 'internet old' card again .. but it floats around american Thanksgiving depending on the year

nationality: american

fave bands/groups/solo artists: lumping these together because i just .. don't really do music much anymore. if you had asked me this back in my 20s i'm sure i would have had all kinds of opinions and things to share, but these days i actually mostly prefer to listen music from when i was a kid. part of it is also that as an old, i prefer to buy my music, even digitally, and i don't really use spotify - which does so much to enable diverse music exploration i admit! but i mostly have earplugs in all the time and music does not work for me as background noise, so...

so i guess my answer would be 70s disco and classic rock and 80s new wave artists? i've never liked any artist's entire discography and prefer greatest hits-type compilations, but i guess duran duran and def leppard and depeche mode would be considered formative? i love new order but specifically late 80s new order, NOT joy division. the only concert t-shirt i've ever worn was the cult? i loved sonic temple but i can't listen to most of it anymore though i still adore love removal machine. i think maybe if you get old enough, for some of us there's TOO MUCH good music and we can't pare it down anymore

song stuck in your head: jamiroquai's canned heat

last movie you watched: re: the above, i re-watched center stage, the 2000 one with zoe saldana and the mandy moore soundtrack, bc it's a happy comfort movie and i just got a digital version

last show you binged: i can't really "binge" very often bc after a couple of hours i need a break, so i guess i'd say the tgcf donghua on netflix since it was short enough to get through all in one go

when you created your blog: in 2012 i stopped lurking so i could post about the avengers movie

the last thing you googled: 5'4" in cm? lol before that it was chinese wrapped street food

other blogs: everything is here! i discovered i compartmentalize about as well as i tag reliably (😓) but i do have several automated ao3feed-tag style sideblogs. and i did, very briefly, have a *winces* hockey sideblog too

why i chose my url: ooh i know i've done this before, sorry if it's repetitive, basically it was the username i picked back when my family first got aol: short, unique combo of letters - 14-year-old me really thought about it! and then it wouldn't let me use anything other than my name. thirty-some-odd years later, trying to come up with a livejournal username that wasn't already taken and getting fed up, i plugged it in and went: good enough!

how many people are you following: like 760-something last i checked? although many, many, many of them are deactivated

how many followers do you have: idk i don't like looking at that stuff, but way fewer than i am following

average hours of sleep: it varies too much day by day, my sleep schedule is too wonky, i have no idea what the average would be

lucky numbers: 7? cliché i know, and again not really buying into it, but somewhere in my hindbrain i like it that my first, middle, and last names all have seven letters

instruments: none. i like singing

what i'm currently wearing: giant black t-shirt and baggy black drawstring shorts, standard sitting around the house gear

dream job: don't have one. if i did it would give me something to be working towards *sigh* this is how you end up in retail for decades, kids! but also, to quote a random post i saw in true tumblr fashion "i simply do not dream of labor"

dream trip: covered this one before but: back to the uk and some railway daytrips, or a really fancy northern cruise, atlantic/pacific either one

fave food: uhhh, don't really have a favorite but i'm almost always in the mood for pizza

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: none really, if i had to still be me..maybe some kind of actually utopian future? but the pandemic has confirmed for me that i do NOT like living in interesting times, so most fictional story universes are RIGHT out. my favorites to read about like discworld or diana wynne jones' worlds would be way to chaotic for my comfort. possibly diane duane's young wizards universe would be safe enough to be okay?

Part II

last song: watching center stage made me think of my dance playlist so sunrise by simply red

last movielast stream: i don't watch streams or youtube often, so it was the same as you, vish! liu chang's birthday stream was SO enjoyable i screenrecorded the entire thing just so i could play it back (and maybe gif sometime if i ever get the drive to actually do it)

currently reading: well i just finished the translated quan qiu gao kao or global university entrance exam novel, which was sparked purely from catching a single rec post here on tumblr and basically just *falling* into this 166 chapter epic that is *amazing* and not coming up for air until i got to the end, which is typical novel-reading behavior for me (yes i was the kid who read through lunch period and got hassled by people who kept pestering me with "what're you reading" questions and yes i realize probably a lot of you on tumblr were too) plus, the new murderbot novel is out tomorrow!!!!! so that'll be where i end up next!

currently watching: the entire dmbj verse (that i can get my hands on) but ... sporadically and stopping at random different parts because the thing is ... this type of show is not really the kind i enjoy so much? so since it's more for "research" and learning character arcs (and let's be honest: shots of liu sang), etc. it's easy to get distracted by other stuff. i'm also watching the sleuth of the ming dynasty, mr queen, bromance, the expanse, re-watching farscape and stargate sg-1, just finished the falcon and the winter soldier, and then anytime something new and short gets introduced it jumps the queue. there are just. so. many. things. to. watch! (now i have to look into anti-fraud league too!? you all are cruel ...)

what is antipoetry to you: i ... don't really think much about poetry? i know what i prefer is usually the more basic rhymed kind like lewis carroll, emily dickinson, poe, coleridge, etc. so i suppose i don't have much use for classifying non-rhyming verse? i can appreciate stuff like rupi kaur which i guess would qualify? or that william carlos williams plums poem? but it doesn't really stick with me the way lyric-like verse does

currently craving: i never know what exactly this is meant to be in reference to ... hmmm, i would love a new high-concept, high production-quality movie like say, pacific rim, to be released, just for that massive, excited energy that comes with something new that hasn't already got tons of disappointing or conflicting history behind it - that would be so fun!!

other than that, right now, i mostly kinda want some fried fish? but that will have to wait until i go to get my second vaccine shot on wednesday since it's on the way there. i'd also like my internal body parts to settle down and fly right but it's been more than a month and they don't seem inclined :(((( maybe once i'm fully vaxxed i'll think about consulting somebody about it

tagging @foxofninetales @xia-xueyi @momosandlemonsoda @memorydragon @thewindsofsong @elvencantation @mylastbraincql @hesayshesgotboyfriend @aurawolfgirl2000 @smaragdine-galaxy and anyone who wants to! but never feel obligated and if you don't get around to it for like half a year that's totally fine, i am still interested!!!

#xcedit #is my only like 'me' tag #tag game #long post #i wanna do one of these with more unusual questions but not like those themed ones ...#tell me if the cut doesn't work i'm still not used to having them on mobile!

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I've never played WOW, but my friends into it. I might as well try. Any advice for someone who's never touched a MMO?

Oh, fun question! It’s actually hard for me to think of things I’d have wanted to know when starting out because I started playing MMOs around age... 9? So in some respects I grew up alongside the genre, rather than trying to learn it after the fact, but some things I’d highlight about WoW now is:

Don’t worry about your race/class. There is SO MUCH about the “right” and “wrong” way to create a character, but at the end of the day you should choose whatever interests and appeals to you most. The caveat to that is that picking a tank or a healer class will put a bit more responsibility on your shoulders — whether you like it or not at times — so just be aware of that. Some people like taking on a specific role, others (me) do not. There are also classes that are better suited to soloing as much of the game as possible, if that’s something you’re interested in.

Regardless, you will have to play with others eventually. If your friends are already into WoW it sounds like you have a good community/potential guild to turn to, but I’d recommend waiting until you feel confident in playing your character before entering groups with strangers. Frankly, the WoW community can be pretty damn toxic. I’m no expert, but I’ve played it long enough to feel confident in my abilities and I’m still cursed out by pissed off dungeon groups if we wipe. Raids will expect you to have learned the fights via youtube prior to coming in and when many inevitably haven’t (because it’s a game and homework shouldn’t be required lol) they’ll start yelling too. PvP is just a mess of accusations and slurs, depending on how badly it’s going... so yeah. I don’t want to make it sound like WoW is made up of nothing but assholes, but there are enough to make an impression. It’s something to avoid if you’re not feeling up to it, but given how much of the later content requires working with others, wait until you’re geared, have a good handle on your class, and are in a good head space before diving in. Or stick to playing with friends.

Speaking of friends, if you do want to play with them I’d recommend picking their faction (Horde or Alliance). That will allow you to visit each other in major cities, help with the same quests, queue up for activities together, etc. Though the story has moved away from the Horde vs. Alliance rivalry recently, the gameplay still very much divides them.

Check out everything you can (without getting too overwhelmed!) WoW has a LOT going on and while very little is required, much of it is beneficial while also being easy to miss, just by virtue of there being so much to do. Pick up any quests you find, explore as much of the world as you can, talk to NPCs, save the loot you get, etc. You can always get rid of something — drop a quest, destroy/sell an item — but it’s a bummer if you just go and sell everything only to realize you actually needed all that stuff for something else. So go slow and check out your options before making decisions.

To help with that, I recommend WoWhead and Icy Veins for info, or just good old-fashioned plugging the thing into google with “wow” next to it. How often do I look stuff up? Constantly. MMOs don’t have cheating culture the way a single-player game might (I mean, there’s absolutely cheating, just not in the same way), so don’t be afraid to just google anything and everything you want. The comment sections of a page are your best friend. Whereas the official description may give you an overwhelming amount of information you don’t actually need, player comments tend to focus on what others really want to know: here’s where to find this NPC, yes this quest is bugged, make sure you do X before Y, etc. WoW has become a lot more accessible over the years in terms of helping players figure things out, but it’s still confusing at times, so make use of any resource you please.

Another “cheat” is to use addons. I’d recommend grabbing WoWMatrix which will allow you to (safely) download addons without any of the hassle of putting it in the correct folders. I’d recommend Bagnon (makes all your bags open as a single window so you can see all your loot at once), Bartender (allows you to customize your action bar), Coordinates (puts a tiny, movable coordinates button on your screen which is basically necessary at this point to find things. Players will almost always provide coordinates when giving locations), HandyNotes (provides lots of info on your map, like how you go about summoning a rare mob), Pawn (helps you compare gear to see what’s best for your class/specialization), and if you do any PvP, Healers Have to Die, or HHTD, which marks all healers with a cross so they’re easy to spot in battle (always kill healers first! :D). WoWMatrix is SUPER easy to use — just search for the addons you want via the application, download them, delete if you don’t like ‘em, and open it once in a while to “Update All” — and the various addons you can use are an absolute godsend. They make playing the base game that much better.

If you’re someone invested in the story side of games, lore is going to be very weird here, just because WoW is 16 years old and you’ll be entering into the 8th expansion. I’ve played WoW since it came out and I don’t know wtf is going on a lot of the time lol. So just roll with it, or if you’re interested, make use of wikis, the novels, etc. But it’s not the sort of game where you’re in trouble if you have no idea who this person is or what battle they’re talking about. Just accept whatever they want you to do and pick up the story wherever you came in.

You’re going to die a lot. A lot, a lot. That’s fine, everyone does. Again, not the sort of game where that’s a problem. Just know that you can either return to your corpse (flying there as a ghost) or rez at the graveyard you appear in if you’re willing to deal with a bad debuff for like 10 minutes. Also, all armor has durability that goes down over time, but it goes down faster the more you die, so you’ll want to repair (finding an NPC with the anvil icon) soon afterwards.

There’s lots of little things to learn like that: a brown bag icon means you can sell to this person, blue exclamation marks are quests that will reappear daily, items with a gray name (as opposed to white, green, blue, or purple) are pretty much just junk and you can always sell them... there’s a lot. Pick things up as you go, keeping in mind that you’ll be given SO MUCH INFORMATION and no, you’re not going to learn it all at once. Part of the fun is figuring stuff out and seeing yourself improve. Feel free to ask questions too (there’s a chat box and you can speak to an entire zone at once), though frankly it’s a 50/50 chance whether someone will give an actual answer, or just roast you lol

If you ever want to play “seriously,” I’d kinda recommend learning WoW with keybinding early on — AKA, creating button shortcuts for various spells/skills so your mouse is only used for camera movement and targeting, rather than wasting time looking for the action you want to click on. I say “kinda” because I don’t do that. At this point my click method is too ingrained in my muscle memory for anything else, but I recognize that I’m in the minority for saying that’s an “okay” way to play.

Anything is okay though. Do whatever. I mean, the above aside, literally my best advice is to just throw yourself headfirst into the game, accept that you’re going to mess so much up, shrug, and have fun with it. I spent an hour of my life running a Tourghast floor today... and then wasn’t able to beat the final boss. So I “wasted” that time since I didn’t get the loot, but who cares? It was fun! Literally do whatever and don’t let any of the assholes get to you. Someone sends a message you don’t like? Block them (right click their name in the chat box to get the option). Group is making you uncomfortable? Leave. Don’t know how to do something? Google it! The best thing about an MMO is also the most overwhelming: it’s a whole world with (almost) endless options, so though that freedom is exciting, it also means you have to curate your own experience. It’s a bit like being here on tumblr. Figure out all the nuances at you own pace, lurk as long as you’d like, and if someone is being annoying, google how to keep them out of your inbox.

Idk how helpful any of these tips are, but I hope you enjoy it!! 😊

#gaming #WoW #World of Warcraft #Anonymous

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golbrocklovely · 3 years

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I can still hear the song that plays in FD3, gives me the chills.

Virgo candle!?!?! Why have I never heard of this before?? I WANT! Also are you a virgo? If so same! XD

MR MOO MOO!!! Thats the cutest thing ever!

I want to visit Italy one day as well, mainly because I want to see Pompeii.

For years I wanted to be an author, ever since I started writing in 5th grade, I would write literally all day, every day. At one point I had a giant tote bin filled with paper, that was just written on back to back with all the stories I could come up with. Now it's kind of bittersweet, I still love writing and have so many ideas but every since I started taking antidepressants, it has killed all motivation to write and has given me an almost permanent writers block ): I hope to one day get it back. If so I'd probably stick with fiction maybe some fantasy 🤔

Favorite subject in school to be honest was Language Arts in middle school lmao I had this teacher named Mrs. Adamcheck (definitely not how it was spelled btw there was a y and a z in there somewhere lmao) but she made learning so interesting and she's honestly part of the reason why I started writing in the first place.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boyyyyy. Now this is definitely a difficult question haha. When I first got into Twilight, I was definitely Team Jacob because abs and I was also pissed at how Edward could just leave Bella like that. Now that I'm older I'm kind of a mix of both. They're both toxic af in their own ways lmaooo buuuuut lately I've been leaning more Team Edward🤣

What is your favorite memory? What's one thing most people don't know about you? What's your most embarrassing memory?

omg the 'there is someone walking behind you...' song. that shit gave me nightmares lol

yeah i'm a virgo :) and i love getting things that are virgo related haha

and that would be cool. i totally didn't realize pompeii is in italy... i'm not good with geography lmao (also, i kinda didn't know where pompeii was located weirdly enough)

same here. i've been writing since i was kid, both bc of school and bc of fanfics. i suggest when it comes to that deeply of writers block and motivation, just take it day by day and know that no one is putting pressure on you to write besides yourself. and if you feel inspired, write down what you're feeling, even if it doesn't make total sense or isn't a full story yet. the finer details can all be handle with in time.

language arts was my favorite subject in school too. along with art and music.

haha omg highkey i've hated jacob literally since day one. while i don't think edward is amazing (but definitely thought that way when i was younger) i at least could enjoy him. jacob was so whiny and desperate and it was just so hard to like him. that whole part of breaking dawn i skipped reading bc i didn't like him. granted, i didn't quite understand what happened, but i didn't care and kinda understood by the end of the book. even to this day i haven't read that part lol

okay, that is a very interesting question. idk if i have only one favorite memory. and the one i'm about to say isn't quite a memory bc it's not one specific moment, but it's multiple moments and how they made me feel. i love thinking back on all the vacation me and my family have gone on. we have a membership to disney world and would go basically once every other year since 2003. and i've been thinking about it recently bc me and mom want to go to disney world at some point next year, but brother is against it bc he doesn't want to go down there bc of my dad. my dad was the one in the family that loved disney and would plan out everything; when the best times were to go to the parks, fast passes, dinner reservations, everything and then some. but since his passing, it just doesn't feel like something worth doing without him. but i said i want to go bc i can't just ignore disney world the rest of my life bc my father is gone. he wouldn't want that. so i've just been thinking back on all the trips we've taken down there.

one thing not everyone knows about me (that i feel comfortable sharing lol) is that lady gaga follows me on twitter. i forget that sometimes she does lol

oooh, this memory isn't technically the most embarrassing, but it is one that i find super funny bc of how uncomfortable and over the top i reacted. so when i was a junior in hs, i did theater. and there was this freshman named cory who was a part of stage crew. he was the younger brother of the student head of stage crew. they were polar opposites in how "cool" they were (cory was a nerd, his brother wasn't i guess lol). but everyone really liked cory. i had a friend that was in stage crew and he said i had to meet cory, so eventually i did after school. cory was really nice and we were having a really good conversation. idk what we were talking about, but eventually he said something and i laughed at it. i remember he gave me this 'in awe' look and i thought 'oh fuck, my laugh was too much' bc sometimes it is. the convo came to halt for like a solid 5-10 secs and before i could apologize he chimed in with the most awkwardest thing i've heard a dude say to me.

"you seem like you would be fun to tickle."

now, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't the worst thing you could say to me. but back when i was 17, it was. i got so uncomfortable i basically started to awkwardly laugh and back away from him while he apologized profusely. while i started to back away, he reached out to stop me and i said "omg put your hands down" and then he got more embarrassed and apologized for doing that. i then stopped him, ran away from him and hid behind my guy friend that knew him, and cory eventually came over and kept apologizing.

i feel bad for the way i acted, but i literally couldn't help myself. i still feel bad about it to this day.

questions: what tv show/movie could you watch over and over again and not get tired (other than twilight haha), do you believe in ghost and have you experienced anything paranormal, and the best compliment someone has ever given you :)

#ask #personal

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shes-fast-like-me · 4 years

Text

i know how much it matters to you

AO3 Link

Pairing(s): Established Lifetane, Gibby x his boyfriend

Word Count: 1,791

Warnings: Mentions of childhood neglect and bad parents, discussion of mental illness and trauma, alcohol. (Tell me if you feel anything else should be tagged!)

may was borderline personality disorder awareness month (alongside being adhd awareness and mental health awareness month in general) so i decided to project onto my fave. the symptoms of it aren’t 100% being portrayed here but this is something i feel like a lot of us relate to so?? idk man emotional impermanence be like that

=+=+=+=

"Here comes the big man himself!" Elliott called, twisting around in his seat to wave Makoa over to sit with them in the living space.

"Show us the ring!" Ajay beamed as the tall man made his way over to the other Legends gathered around their small makeshift coffee table. He held out his hand, a rather dainty bejeweled silver ring on his ring finger. Everyone cooed over it.

"You're so lucky, man," Elliott said, handing Makoa a beer as he sat down on the couch next to him, "congrats."

"Aye, thanks bruddahs," Makoa grinned from ear to ear. The man was always bright and full of smiles but Octavio swore he has never seen him this happy. He was almost radiant.

"When's the weddin'?" Ajay asked, sitting back against Octavio's side and sipping on her mocktail. She always hated alcohol so the drink was as fruity and non-alcoholic as Elliott could possibly mix up.

"Spring of next year," Makoa said, "We want some time on our honeymoon before the next season, so,"

Everyone nodded in agreement. The season breaks between spring and summer were a little longer than the autumn to winter breaks and since Makoa was proposed to this spring it gave them extra time to plan everything. Makoa and his fiancé had relatives all over the Frontier and would probably want to plan the wedding at a time when the most family members could attend. And the other Legends, of course.

"So," Octavio set his empty cocktail glass down and picked up a can of beer off the table. He could get a little drunk, it was only their first night back onto the dropship, the new season kicking off in two days. "Any idea for wedding gifts?"

He was loaded. He could afford pretty much anything they wanted.

"Ah, no, it's no problem, bruddah-"

"No, no, I insist," He decided to pour the beer into his empty glass anyway, not wanting to waste the ice cubes still sitting at the bottom, "anything you like, I got it."

Makoa laughed. "Just you showing up is enough for me."

"Alright," Octavio sat down into the headrest but still decided he was going to buy Makoa and his fiancé something anyway. After all, that's what you do at weddings, right? Octavio has been to many weddings before, many of them being his own father's, and the couple was always gifted a fancy car or yacht or something of the sort.

He mostly just tuned out the rest of the conversation. Talk of weddings always reminded him of his dad and how weddings were a near weekly occurance for him. He wanted to go for Makoa's sake, of course, and he would force himself to even if Ajay told him it was okay to stay home if it got too overwhelming. He'd just get blackout drunk at the party and probably just dissociate the whole evening, but he was willing to do that for his friend.

Later that evening, Octavio lay on Ajay's bed as they watched anime together on the small holo-TV provided in their temporary rooms. Octavio buried his face into Ajay's pink hair as they spooned, his arm around her waist. He would've fallen asleep if his anxiety wasn't keeping him up. If he had his legs on right now they'd be tapping away furiously, probably disturbing Ajay from watching the show altogether. Octavio kinda missed tapping his feet, he couldn't sleep without moving them and now that he didn't have them he'd imagine the sensation, like a ghost, and get sad whenever he realized it wasn't real. But that's such a small thing to get upset about.

His fingers grazed against the skin showing between Ajay's t-shirt and her sweatpants, tapping on the waistband as he worked up the courage to ask a question that has been itching at his brain all evening.

"Baby?" he said, uncertain of how to begin. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Have you ever thought.... about marriage?"

Instantly he cringed at the phrasing and tried to fix it. "I mean, not to me, necessarily. I'm just wondering- If you ever want to get married?"

She looked back towards the TV with a smile. "Depends who's askin'," she replied simply, "not at the moment though, I'm too busy. But it would be nice in the future."

Octavio bit his lip and really had the urge to tap his missing feet. The fear ached in his chest and he could feel his hands sweating. "I don't think I wanna get married," he said it quickly, almost afraid to hear her reaction. Verbally retracting as if he expected her to hit him or something. Why was that his instinctual reaction? No one ever hit him for speaking out.

She looked down at his hand and lightly brushed her fingers over his knuckles. "That's fine," she said but he couldn't pick up the tone. It made it feel worse. Was she upset? Was she hoping for a different answer?

"It's not," it took all his strength not to let his voice crack, assuming that she wasn’t satisfied with his answer. She turned to look at him properly. He tried to blink away the tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Babe, it's all fine. We don't have to get married. You don't have to get married, ever, if that's what makes you comfortable."

"But I want to," he said, voice trembling. "I want to make you happy if that’s what you want."

"I don't need marriage to be happy in life." She held his hand comfortingly and traced circles into it. "Besides, who says I'm gon' marry you?" She joked and he loved the way her nose scrunched up when she smiled at him. It lifted some of the weight off his chest and he smiled at the joke despite the tears.

"Okay," he swallowed and wiped the tears from his eyes, his fingers shaking.

"It's alright," she pushed the hair out of his eyes. He admired all the freckles dotting her skin. If Ajay let him stare at her for a while he could count them and maybe calm down a little bit, but that'd be weird of him to ask.

He let out a breath, "it's just," the tears were back but the tension of holding them in and bottling everything up was gone, "I don't want to be like my father."

"You're not." She whispered and studied his face as he continued.

"I don't wanna have kids and have them go through the same shit I did." Tears spilled from his eyes and down the sides of his cheeks. It hurt to think about treating his kids the way he was treated. He didn't even think his childhood had affected him that much until now. But it did, it hurt, it hurt to be ignored your whole life and live with no constants. He was constantly scared of everyone abandoning him, of things being taken away from him. Everything was so temporary to him, even Ajay. What if they got married and one day she decided she didn't love him anymore? How would he even handle something like that? He'd be crushed.

"You're not ya father," Ajay said calmly, bringing his hand up to her lips and kissing his knuckles, "and I've seen ya with my li'l cousins. You'd be a great dad. You said yaself you'd never want to hurt them the way your dad did, so you won't. Not intentionally."

"Do you think my father intended to hurt me?" He asked, his tone a little more passionate than he had intended it to be. "Obviously it was out of his control how I would react to-"

"Tavi, he did awful things to ya. You're allowed to be upset about it."

"But if I don't make excuses for him, how can I excuse my own shitty actions?" He covered his face and dug his palms into his eye sockets, blocking her out from his blurry view. "I'm even worse." His voice broke.

"You're not. You're ill. Ya just need some time and help to get things right. You're taking those steps. Your father never even considered that. That's what makes ya better than him."

It's true, he did have a therapist now, trying to help him manage the many disorders and issues he got stuck with. And he was trying so hard to be better, but it all felt so useless sometimes when he kept acting like this, being like this. Whenever he relapsed, whenever he split on someone, whenever he acted out or isolated or dissociated or cried. He always felt like he was taking steps backwards, not forwards.

"Listen, I know recovery's not easy for ya," she tapped her fingers on his chest and he moved his hands from his face to look at her as she spoke. "But you're pushin’ through it regardless. And I'm gon' be here for ya all the way through it, ya hear me? I'm not goin’ anywhere."

"Everyone says that." He sniffled.

"Yeah, well, I mean it," she said, "and I'll promise this to ya, that I won't leave ya alone no matter how hard it gets." She looked directly into his eyes, her soft voice calming his thoughts.

"Here," she said and took a beaded bracelet off her wrist. It was one of those kandi bracelets she sometimes wore, this one pink and purple with the word "LOVE" spelled out on it. "It's a promise." She held it out to him.

He looked at her hand, puzzled.

"It's like a promise ring. It should make ya feel better to have a physical representation of my promise to ya. I read that it helps with BPD to-"

He sat up and hugged her. "Thank you," he murmured into her shoulder. She pat his back and when they released each other he took the bracelet and put it on his wrist. "Thank you, " he breathed out again.

"Ya welcome." She smiled softly and honestly, her smile momentarily lit up the room. He was so lucky to have her.

"Now, can we finish the show? This next episode's the best one." She gestured with the remote to the paused screen. He hadn't even noticed when she paused it to speak to him. He smiled and nodded, laying back down on his side, her snuggling into him as she pressed 'play'.

"I'm sorry if I ruined the evening." He apologized.

"Ya didn't. I still love ya." She said and took his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined.

And after watching that magical girl show and breathing in her flowery perfume, Octavio finally found himself able to peacefully drift off to sleep for the night.

=+=+=+=

Taglist: @herondaleatheart @brontophile @moontearchild @soulheartthewolf @hey-its-mika @xbeaxbeax (You may always ask to be added or taken off the list! Being on the taglist notifies you of whenever I post a fic so if you are interested, please message me!)

#lifetane #octane apex #lifeline apex

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photolover82 · 3 years

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The Masked Singer Season 5 Episode 10: Quarterfinals! ft the “fiesty five” (Commentary & Guesses... well me reiterating the same guesses but adding a new one yay!)

Hello my fellow Masked Singer fanatics! Welcome or welcome back to Ana’s Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana, recap every episode of The Masked Singer excluding those weird sing-a-longs and Road to Finals. If someone goes home and they all sing new songs, then you will most likely see me recap it! And that’s exactly what happened this time... quarterfinals baby! We are almost at the end, only 2 more weeks to go wow! 5 contestants remaining, so let’s start with our 5th place contestant, shall we?

So the person (or should I say people) coming in 5th place and getting eliminated this episode is...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

The Russian Dolls 🪆🪆🪆(yes, there are 3 of them)

Commentary: This one really surprised me honestly, I didn’t see this coming. Their performance of I’m Still Standing by Elton John was one of my favorite ones they have done honestly. I really enjoyed it, and even one of them was playing the freaking piano! Like it was super impressive and as always their harmonies are on point and insanely perfect.... that’s the only way I can explain it: perfect. Their voices work together perfectly, it’s like they’re a band of brothers or something (😉😉).

Anyways, they were revealed to be...

*DRUMROLL AGAIN*

Hanson (Wooo!)

Woohoo! Another one bites the dust, I got it correct yay.. 9/10 right so far. This is a new record for me, I usually get 2 wrong in the beginning reveals of previous seasons, so I am kinda proud of this so far yay! However, the reveal itself surprised me, I thought that they would make it at least to the semifinals if not the finale so this elimination I didn’t see coming. Especially after that performance which I think is one of their best. However, I was super nervous that they were gonna send Black Swan home so I was relieved by this ngl...

Anyways, having said that, let’s talk about the remaining 4 semifinalists:

1. Piglet 🐷

Commentary: Ok, so of all the performances this episode, his was the most surprising... because he started off sing OPERA. Honestly, I would have never thought Nick Lachey can sing in Italian and have that strong Operatic voice... the more you know man. However, he actually continued by singing Supertitous by Stevie Wonder which was a bit of a let down.. as I have said multiple times, his best is with ballads and his voice isn’t suited for upbeat songs like this one. In this case, he started at an all time high 📈 and it got me hyped but then it kind of died down 📉 by the middle and end. I did enjoy the performance tho but I wish he would have just sang opera the entire time because it left me wanting to hear more of the opera song.

2. Chameleon 🦎

Commentary: again I say, I am so sorry to people who are rap fans and/or fans of the chameleon/Wiz Khalifa, but I honestly feel like he should have gone home instead of the dolls. His performance of “Drop it like it’s not” by Snoop Dogg was not his best one, and his rapping is getting kinda repetitive at this point,even tho he is very good at it. Also, side note, the judges had the audacity to say that they thought this was Snoop even tho he sang a song by the guy and in the song he legit spelled “S-n-double o-p D-o-double g....” like um if it were Snoop, he wouldn’t be THAT obvious. Anyways, yeah I predict he is next to go.

3. Yeti ❄️☃️

Commentary: Alright, so Yeti is really surprising me honestly, quickly becoming my second favorite after my girl Black Swan. He is such a versatile performer, I never would have expected Omarion to rap, dance, roller skate, do R&B songs, and now sing some country. It made me nervous at first when he said country in the clue package, because I know him as a R&B musician, but I was really pleasantly surprised with his performance of Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, it was really smooth and unexpectedly great!

4. Black Swan 🖤🦢

Commentary: Speaking of my girl, here she is... omg I love her, please win girl, I beg of you! Her performance of Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran was.... um... interesting.... in the song choice department. It was absolutely not her best performance, but I gotta give her credit that she did make the song her own. However, she has so much range in her voice and she absolutely didn’t showcase it with this song. I really want Jojo in the semifinals to step it up and choose songs that I know she can absolutely crush like songs by female R&B and Soul singers (some of these do mix these genres with pop but u get me) that are still mainstream enough that people know them (i.e. Aretha Franklin, Destiny’s Child/Beyoncé, Jennifer Hudson, etc.).... even like them pop girlies who have like crazy ranges, y’all know who I am talking about: Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, Celine Dion, Tori Kelly, etc. Please girl give me something with more oomph and that will give me goosebumps, because she can do that stuff but I feel like she is holding back. It’s gonna be the semifinals, I really hope she doesn’t hold back!

Bonus Jonas: Clueluedoo aka the freaking clue chicken...let’s talk about who I think he is (since he will be revealed next week!) 🐓

Commentary: ok like please Masked Singer I beg of you, never give me this character again, who doesn’t even sing but interrupts people with clues or something idk... I didn’t like this concept, it was strange, sometimes he was MIA and sometimes he got annoying... so I really hope next season they don’t bring this back. But at the same time, I kinda understand why they did do it this time based on who I feel like it is

I think he is...

Donnie Wahlberg (aka Jenny’s husband)

Reasoning: ok, you might know him from New Kidz on the Block or because his family is very famous... but he is married to one of the judges, Jenny McCarthy, and I feel like that’s why Masked Singer decided to take the “he doesn’t sing nor get any clues on the show til the end” route but still give him this weird clue route... I get it, I didn’t like it, but I understand it. Anyways, here’s why I think so (only clues imma provide for y’all)

He has never been on the show, as a contestant nor judge= this was on the Masked Singer podcast, and this is true, which rules out another popular guess, Joel McHale

He has a connection with one of the contestants= that would be Nick Lachey, they toured together (New Kidz on the block and 98 degrees did)

He pointed out Ken and Jenny specifically= he’s married to Jenny duh... and Ken is a family friend of theirs, they have dinner at each other’s houses a lot

He’s known in the kitchen (also from the podcast)= yup, he is known for his burgers (Wahlburgers)

Also, in the preview, Jenny is seen freaking out and falling on the floor, probably because that’s her husband and she prob guessed him incorrect but I didn’t so lol am I married to him? No... how did I get it then lmao 😂

Anyways, yeah that’s it! I hope you guys enjoyed it! See you this weekend hopefully for the semifinals recap! Let me know any thoughts about the chicken in the comments.... Like, comment, follow, do all the social media things, it really helps me out and makes me happy 😃. Bye guys!

#the masked singer #themaskedsinger #music #celebrities #hollywood #tv shows #the masked singer season 5 #hanson #nick lachey #jojo levesque #wiz khalifa #donnie wahlberg #omarion

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dezmondmyles · 3 years

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haha ok i got tagged by @taruyison ilu <3

alright cool lets do this

Would You Rather - Fanfic Version

Do you prefer friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? Aw man, do I gotta choose? I really love both, but there’s something a little more mmm, intimate, about enemies to lovers.

Would you rather be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic? "terrible” and “amazing” are very subjective, and I love trashy movies/games that are fun to watch/play so that’s kinda my attitude with fanfics haha.

Would you rather read fanfic chapters backwards or read them as parsed from google translate? Backwards? I guess? If I have to translates a fic, uhh, I just Don’t lmao.

Would you rather consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator or have to read on a tiny printed piece of papers written in yellow highlighter? If I had to choose, probably the audiobook. My eyes have trouble reading black text on white background sometimes as it is.

Would you rather get a tattoo on your body of every fanfic title you read or never read fanfic again? Never read fanfic again ahahaha. I’ve read some trashy fanfic just based on the equally dubious title before.

Do you prefer vampire au or werewolf au? If you know anything about me as a person.... Well you know that answer. And if you don’t, it’s uh, werewolf.

Would you rather get sold to a boy band or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest? Time loop I guess? I never listened to 1D.

Would you rather kill your favorite character or marry your least favorite character? What if my favorite character is already dead?? Also what’s stopping me from marrying my least, killing them, and cashing out on the life insurance??

Would you rather meet your love interest in a coffee shop au or college au? My big brain take is to combine both- The local coffee shop near campus. Boom.

Would you rather have your fic history leaked or never read another fanfic again? Again, I’ll just never read again lmaaaao.

Would you rather be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life? I uh, wrote?? Some of the mpreg in a reasonable semi-thought out fashion?? Also I’ve already spent most of my reading subjectively bad fanfic so like, idk.

Would you rather gay ships or straight ships? I can do both?? Also are we talking gay-gay ships or “these two are in a samesies relationship but theyre bi” ship? cause i can do that too.

Would you rather ship a rarepair with almost no content or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut? Honey I’m already in rarepair hell don’t even talk to me lmfao.

Would you rather see your otp shatter years after their happily ever after or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place? I mean, both is already like, the Thing with them anyway lmfao. I fuck hard with bittersweet endings all the same.

Would you rather read a poorly written but complete fanfic or a literary masterpiece last updated june 2013? I mean I do both. The former esp if the content is compelling enough for me to continue reading just to see how much more terrible it can get.

Would you rather read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words or 70k words worth of fluff? I can do both, the fluff will probably make me cry though in the end lmao you don’t get that many words of fluff without something sad in there

Would you rather read only alternate universe fanfics or only canon fanfics? My bread and butter is AU by virtue of being a crossover shipper. No matter how close to canon I get with either, it’s still ultimately AU. Plus, canon is dumb af anyway for both so i’m doing everyone a favor lmao.

Would you rather introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing? Depends on the normie. I have non-fandom friends who enjoy writing and reading as much as I do, and I feel like that a well written smut and fluff fic would be more compelling to them, if not just to analyze the characters.

Would you rather read your notp with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization or your otp with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization? I think I’d pick the notp honestly. Listen, anything can become an otp with the right convincing in my book. Though, for most of my notps, they employ a lot of similar annoying tropes I hate seeing in most of my otps so like, can’t win them all.

Would you rather have a major character death or have a bed sharing scene but it’s a ship you hate? Major Character Death in the bed they were sharing.

Would you rather every fanfic includes Jackson Wang or every fanfic includes at least one nsfw moment? dunno who that is so I guess one nsfw moment it is.

Would you rather read a fanfic that has constant grammar and spelling mistakes or one that the characters are wildly different than canon? Have you read any of my fics I’m the worst speller/grammarererrr ever. However, I can take “wildly different” to a certain point in the case of many AUs where you kinda have to fudge things a little for the sake of your setting.

Would you rather read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome ship or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your notp all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar? Dead Dove, no contest.

Would you rather have the power to read every fanfic in existence or have the power to make any ship canon? Any ship canon. I literally have no interest in read every single fanfic ever.

Would you rather read a cringy 70 chapter harry styles mafia au or a high school kpop au y/n fic with horrible grammar? At least I know who Harry Styles is lmfao.

Would you rather have your otp get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way or all members of your otp survive but get together with other people? They’re already dead in their respective canons so it can’t get worse from here right?

Would you rather accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss? I think the latter because I would rather I lose respect for my boss than the other way around lol.

Would you rather read smut fanfic aloud to your parents or submit smut fanfic to the employer of your dream job? Like taru asked, what is the context. I think the latter though if it was allowed and it’s explicitly what they wanted.

Would you rather pine after an oblivious love interest or be the oblivious love interest pined after? I’m both irl (probably lmao)

Would you rather hanahaki disease or your soulmate’s first words to you tattooed on your body (and they’re really stupid)? I had to look up what hanahaki was lol, so I guess soulmate’s first words. And I mean, how much more stupid would mine be anyway?

Would you rather be an alpha, beta, or omega in omegaverse? None, I hate omegaverse with a passion. You can’t dress it up in any form possible to make me enjoy it. Idc what character(s) is/are in it, it bugs the fuck out of me.

Would you rather read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant? I mean, out of morbid curiosity, I’d wanna read both?? I’d hate it but I’d attempt to read it at least once?

Would you rather be able to resurrect dead fics or have the power to create a plethora of new fics effortlessly? New fics, so long as they’re getting completed on top of that ahaha.

whoo, that was fun! it’s been a while since i’ve done one of these memes. thanks for the tag, taru!

ok so i guess i’ll tag in return: @cooldadmondmiles @theladyisapirate and @seventhstrife

have fun friendos!

#kel talks #memes #hopefully this was at least an entertaining read haha

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thesaltyace · 3 years

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big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

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jq37 · 5 years

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Let's go final bloodkeep ep breakdown!

**spoilers for the tomb of ultimate evil**

I was originally kind of annoyed that dropout wasn’t working when I wanted to do this originally, but it’s actually kind of a blessing in disguise now that I think about it because it means I get to rewatch and discuss the ep in light of the bombshells Brennan dropping in the BTS video.

As I watch the Previouslies, I realize I’m still not over the fact that Maggie named her kid after Leiland. It was so sweet an unexpected.

So, at the start of this episode, Brennan must have realized that his plans are pretty much jossed because the 4 baby blessing was *very* not on the docket

“Absolutely, Lilith’s got 25 strength.” Idk why that’s so funny to me. Maybe because I think Rekha was asking whether Lilith was allowed to carry her, not if she was physically cable but Brennan was like “Of course she can carry you. She’s an absolute unit.”

Leiland’s first move? Drawing all the enemy fire. Markus’s first move? Immediately hiding. In fairness, my dude is a rogue.

Lol, spiderweb baby bjorn.

“We’re evil but we understand communication and consent.”

Nat 20 from Old Pickering! Finally he’s useful!

Watch a bitch call lightning! A different bitch, but still.

Amy’s childish delight at the prospect that there might be a bomb in the goblins is so good.

I love how on board everyone was for the mystery potion.

Did Hork exist before this episode? I have no memory of him existing.

Nat 20 for Sohkbar!

Brennan is really so good at all of his on the cuff J'er'em'ih nonsense.

Erika yelling, “Sanctuary!” a la Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I like that Lilith calls her spider kids to defend them by going, “Get ‘em ladies!” and then Brennan decides one of the kids she summoned is Jason.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done…and everything I’m about to do.”

Leiland Jr. MVP!

I love that Lilith treat’s Sohkbar as if he’s also a parent.

Two words I’ve learned to fear since I’ve started watching RPG shows: Lair action.

Leiland just BARELY not being on the falling chunk of floor.

Brennan really faked me out on that Jason fall. Man really was about to make me cry over a fictional spider for the SECOND TIME in my life (Charlotte’s Web).

I love Erika screaming over Jason in and out of character separately.

“Guys, this is our element! Knocking people off of things!”

Leiland’s affirmations. Who is doing counseling at the Bloodkeep.

AOE spells are so boss.

“Everyone look at Leiland! He’s doing it!” Aww, everyone finally gets to see him be cool! It’s really wild how much of an arc these guys went through in just 2 days of play. It’s very narratively consistent.

“Oh you fucking freak, you’d love that.”

“Tell him something is gonna happen to his bones but don’t explain it.”

Rekha loudly announcing her ridic amount of hitpoints is on of my fave things

I love how in both campaigns so far, Brennan has had a moment of, “You’re not bad at magic, you’re just depressed.” What an oddly specific thing but also, relateable.

Cell Block Tango ft. Leiland.

Leiland curses one of the Vingury. I’m sure that won’t be important later (I’m lying).

Ify/Markus just refusing to learn Hobbert and Frod’s names.

Ify: *Trying to do a shenanigan*

Brennan: I see what’s happening here.

DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE.

So I guess the real lesson of this season of D20 is always commit to your running jokes because you’ll get free nonsense out of it. (A 19! That’s so painful!)

Jessa just straight eats not-Gollum.

Both Jason and Jessa are very protective of their mom and I love it.

Maggie All elves look the same. (Maggie said F elf rights)

The full 6 seconds of silence from Matt between his saying he loves J'er'em'ih more than any other animal companion and looking directly at the camera and saying, “Except for Trinket,” very seriously.

Amy: I must become the necro boatman.

Brennan, whose plans have now been entirely womped: :O.

I truly didn’t even consider attacking the boatman. I feel like this is such a good DM moment, because I feel like my reaction would have been, “That’s not how this works,” but Bren just let it happen, which is better both for the story and player agency. I’m taking notes.

Efink getting validation on her chosen name by the evil statues.

“Kick his ass and you get the power!”

“I’m like a setpiece, not like a guy!”

Sohkbar claims the baby as his ward. This baby is gonna have so many godparents.

“MY DAD SHIT IN A BAG?”

What a wild improv.

I love the ancient evil statues have Lilith’s back on the fact that she should have gotten the promotion.

When Leiland Jr was born Brennan was like, “He’s not gonna do much. He’s a baby.” One ep later this baby is taking turns and fireblasting enemies and talking like he’s the Godfather.

OK so there’s a lair action. Leiland rolls a NAT ONE to not plummet into the Bloodkeep. Brennan clearly is ready to bring out the ghost figurines we saw in the BTS.

The statue Lilith JUST got the blessing from falls which means if she hadn’t gotten it that turn, they would have been screwed. Sidenote: Brennan says it was an instant lose condition for them which is part of why I was surprised that this wasn’t his plan to begin with. He just readjusted everything on the fly and set new parameters. What a good, confidence projecting, quick thinking DM.

It’s Leiland’s turn. He is once again falling to his doom. This time, without the bossa nova music and soothing apathy because he actually has something to live for.

AND HE USES HIS HEX TO TELEPORT TO THE VINGURY HE HEXED BEFORE.

It was JUST close enough. And he almost cursed Olag instead! That decision saved his undead ass!

I love that Leiland is Uncle Leiland to Jason! And later Jessa calls Efink Aunt Efink. I wanna see evil Thanksgiving so bad.

“You’re really killing it today Leiland!” My boy finally getting the praise he deserves. (Also, wild that this is all still THE SAME DAY)

“oKAY, okay, OKAY, oKay.” –Brennan having a moment

“You wanted us to play evil characters but we’re actually playing evil players.”

Man this episode is truly how Leiland got his groove back, huh?

Boatman rolls a 4 to resist fear. Go Leiland!

“I take off my mask to reveal…I’m sexy as fuck.”

Everyone including the evil statue is hot for Markus.

“Shut the fuck up, Olag. Go kill yourself.” Maggie just has no patience for nonsense (that’s not the kind of nonsense she enjoys anyway).

“Do I take psychic damage from that?”

Lilith gets a nat 20!

Maggie, upon Leiland calling her 'my queen’ for the second time: Just call me Maggie, please.

“THAT’S AN ABILITY J'ER'EM'IH HAS?”/“I guess.”

“Lilith, you’re my girl! Lilith, my girl!” They grab hands over the table. It’s such a pure moment.

Brennan after they kill the Boatman: I mean, fuck me I guess.

Leiland goes down. Leiland Jr. goes, “Nah, get up, you’re fine,” and he gets back up. (Brennan at this point has clearly fully leaned in to the direction his players dragged him).

Leiland comes back as Leiland the White. And I just realized! That’s the ghost figurine! I thought that was the figure Bren got for when Leiland inevitably completed his story arc. No! It was the figure for in case Leiland DIED.

Leiland FONZES at Leiland Jr.

Nat 20 from Maggie to avoid falling into the Bloodkeep!

Leiland lets Markus convince him to not kill Olag (for future shenanigans). Leiland instead owns Toby and rolls a 29 to convince Oswald back onto their side. Toby also comes as a zombie on their side. Everything’s coming up Leiland!

Except no, he goes back down immediately and falls face first into the blood pool.

OK, check it. Markus bargains with one of the evil statues to make Olag alive and undead for eternity. The statue is kinda on board but wants to make a trade. Markus basically goes, “Watch this,” and STEPS INTO THE VOID.

Go back and watch Amy’s reaction. It’s so genuinely shocked and concerned. Matt’s is good too.

Sidenote: That is apropos of nothing goal wise. He just wanted to torture Olag.

Maggie gets the final blessing with a quiet, heartfelt speech Brennan doesn’t even make her roll for. The statue tries to get her to put in a good word w/ her dad for it and steps all over the moment.

Ify, about to pull out shenanigans part two, electric boogaloo: I never got a chance to attack on my turn.

He attacks himself and warps back up!

Amy: Is that how you play a rogue????

Why sneak attack damage? Can you sneak attack yourself?

“You’re a liar!”/“I’m a rogue.” Beautiful.

We’re evil!

Oswald dies and Leiland comes back! Hexing Oswald really panned out for him

“It’s all spiders from here!” I wanna start saying that.

Efink cancels out a nat 20 on Sohkbar!

Lilith telling her kids to go find safety is a small thing but sweet.

“You know you live near Goblin Island and you always say you’re gonna visit.”

Markus swashbuckles over to the bloodkeep before he falls. Leiland is ready to jump his bones.

Nat 20 from Leiland! Is that his first one?

AND THEN HE ROLLS TWO NAT ONES!

Classic Leiland.

I love that Leiland is pro J'er'em'ih now.

John Feathers comes back for the epilogue. Rehka is more excited than anyone.

Lilith is voted queen regent of Gorgar! Go girl! And Jessa opens her fashion firm while Jason sets out to the forest. Good for them.

Scream beast babies!

And little Leiland asks big Leiland to get him the head of Galfast Hamhead! Full circle, I love it.

OK so Brennan said this and he was right. Leiland and Maggie have such a wild ass arc. She goes being “that whore” in ep 1 (idr what he actually called her but that’s the vibe he gave off) to “my queen” in episode 6. And like, man. Imagine planning a game where the goal is to lead the players into a PvP free for all and, instead, the only two characters with a legit grievance mend fences so much that one names their child after the other and that one swears fealty to that mom and her child. Imagine failing so hard at your original goal. Wow.

Anyway, that’s it for Bloodkeep! Thanks for hanging in there for me to write this up! I want to say something about the teaser for T.U.S. too but I’ll save that for another post.

Sidenote: So Matt has been on D20 and Brennan has been on Naddpod. I think this means Brennan or Murph gets to be on Critical Role now. I’m a lawyer and I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works.

#asks #a-salty-alto #escape from the bloodkeep #bloodkeep #dimension 20 #i know this is typo riddled but this is a 3 hour episode and I don't have the patience to edit this rn so...

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