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throneofsapphics · 7 months

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the ebb and flow of fate

Cazriel x f!Reader (Mor’s sister)

(part two) (part three) (part four) (part five) (epilogue)

Summary: “Did you piss her off?” He leaned back, mouth curving into a smirk. The smirk quickly disappeared when Rhys explained what happened.

“Tell her she can come on her own feet, or over my shoulder.”

Word Count: ~6.2k

Warnings: eventual smut in later chapters, sexual assault, harassment, stalking, nightmares, light smut-ish (m/m, briefly described), light angst, liberal use of bargains, minors dni!

A/N: this was written for day 20 of my kink/angst-tober prompts but, my patience is limited and I needed to get this out of into the world and out of my brain for a bit. part 2 will be posted 10/20.

Something in her had been … off, ever since she visited a friend in the Autumn Court. Of course, they had all heavily protested her choice, but she’d been a friend of hers for years, and she firmly held her ground - insisting everything would be fine and that they didn’t know of her relation to them.

It was driving all of them to the verge of insanity trying to figure out exactly what happened. Rhys gently probed against her mind once, and was immediately shut out - the walls going up like impenetrable iron gates, and a litany of creative curses were shouted down the hall.

“How was your visit?” Mor asked hesitantly. She was curled up in an armchair, eyes quickly scanning the page, a full plate of food - likely a few hours old, still on the table beside her.

“Fine.” Y/n replied, not looking up. The same answer she’d given everyone all week.

“Any more details?” She probed.

She slammed the book shut, looking up at her. “What else do you want me to say?” Her voice was low, and she could tell her anger was rising to dangerous levels. Maybe it would be worth provoking y/n’s temper, if only to get some kind of reaction out of her.

“You won’t eat, you won’t talk to us, and you’re walking around like a gods-damned ghost.”

She plucked a grape from the plate next to it, popping it in her mouth with an indignant look on her face. “Better?” Gods, she was going to kill her - sister or not.

“I want you to tell me what the fuck happened before Rhys and I storm over there and kill someone.” Mor spat, rising to her feet. Y/n rose with her, throwing the blanket off, fists clenched at her side.

“That’s not necessary.”

“You can tell us anything, you know that right?” She tried to keep her voice gentle, soft even.

“I’m aware,” she snipped, “but that doesn’t mean it’s any of your business.”

“For Cauldron’s sake.” She ran a hand through her hair, squeezing her eyes shut before leaving the room - in case she said or did anything she regretted.

“Any luck?” Rhys asked from the end of the hallway.

“Don’t act like you weren’t eavesdropping.”

He grimaced, but turned to stride with her. “It’s been three days.” He said quietly, “Cassian and Azriel will be back tomorrow.”

If anyone can get answers out of her, it would be those two. Even Amren couldn’t reach her.

“Where’s y/n?” Cassian asked the next day. Mor looked to Rhys with a grimace. A shadow curled around Azriel’s ear.

“In her room probably.” Mor replied. The same place she’d spent most of her time in.

“Did you piss her off?” He leaned back, mouth curving into a smirk. The smirk quickly disappeared when Rhys explained what happened.

“Tell her she can come on her own feet, or over my shoulder.”

He relayed the message, and they all heard the sound of something slamming - along with a wince from Rhys. Mor figured she’d likely shouted something into his mind. Two minutes passed, and nothing. Cassian glanced at Azriel, and the two Illyrians rose - heading down the hall.

“Good luck.” Mor muttered behind them and Rhys snorted.

“What’s wrong with you?” Cassian’s voice echoed through the room as her door swung open - hitting the wall hard enough there might be a small dent.

“Nothing.” She muttered, turning over in her bed and tugging the blankets closer to her. Azriel exchanged a look with him.

“Get up.” Cassian barked.

“Fuck off.”

“Not happening princess.” He strode towards the side of the bed, ripping the blanket back. He was greeted by a book careening towards his face, one he deflected with a shield. “You can do better than that.” He tugged the pillow out from under her and she shot up to sit. His stance widened, feet braced on the floor - prepared for a fight.

“Leave. Me. Alone.” Y/n said through gritted teeth.

Cassian hummed, tilting his head as if he was debating it. “No.”

“On your feet or over his shoulder, your choice.” Azriel said from behind him. His voice was flat and smooth. Another book launched - where the hell had it come from? And Cassian let it fly over his head, knowing exactly who it was aimed for. A low snarl came from the corner of the room, and Azriel strode up to stand next to him, forming a wall. Y/n, of course, didn’t look intimidated and no fear came from her - but he did see caution in her eyes.

“You’re a brat.” The shadowsinger commented, with a tilt of his head. A predator assessing her, waiting for her next move.

She sent him a vulgar gesture, and apparently Azriel was fed up because quicker than she could react, he had her slung over his shoulder, stalking out her door with a shield covering his wings.

Smart, he thought as he followed, he didn’t doubt y/n would use that to her advantage. She’s done it before, raking her nails up his wings and nearly getting herself killed.

He deposited her at the table, shoving her down into the seat next to him before pushing it in. Cassian took up vigil on her other side. If he thought she was angry before, she was absolutely fuming now - sending both him and Azriel a look that promised a slow, slow death. He rolled his eyes, he’d been on the receiving ends of that look frequently, and it didn’t phase him.

“I thought it was over your shoulder.” Rhys’s voice flooded into his mind.

“Azriel took care of it.”

“Obviously. Did she throw anything at you?”

“Yes.” A strained chuckle came from Rhys, and he felt his presence leave.

She sat there, taking small sips of water and avoiding eye contact from anyone.

Cassian let out a low groan before filling her plate with food.

Mor and Rhys exchanged a glance, their eyes glazing over slightly. “We have things to take care of,” Mor gave an awkward excuse and they both rose. Leaving them to the wolves, then. Wolf - actually.

“Don’t make me feed you like a child.” Azriel told her when the two were out of earshot.

“You wouldn’t,” y/n countered, but didn’t sound confident. Azriel reached for her fork, and she snatched it away from him, spearing a piece of food instead and slowly raising it to her mouth.

“Are you going to tell us what happened?” Cassian asked her.

She ignored the question, choosing to eat small bites of food instead.

“Or I can go find out for myself,” Azriel offered.

“No,” she said too quickly. “Don’t.”

She was confident Azriel would go find out what happened, and that’s not what she wanted. Regardless of whether he heard it from her or figured it out himself, it wouldn’t go over well. But, if they were here when they did learn there’s a better chance of her de-escalating the situation.

“I’m not ready to talk about it.” Her hand shook, palms going clammy. She saw them exchange a worried look out of her peripherals and for some reason it incensed her further. She’d had enough of people worrying. Well, she fully knew she’d been acting like a ‘brat’ as Az would say for the last few days. But, in her defense they were all busy-bodies who couldn’t mind their own damn business.

“When will you be?” Cassian sounded … gentle, almost. Like she was some breakable doll. She firmly placed a lid down on her anger, shoving it away.

“I’ll let you know.”

“You have until tomorrow night.” Azriel cut in. With a low and obnoxious groan, she slumped in her seat. “Finish your food,” he directed. A particularly nasty look was shot his way, but she relented.

There’s not a doubt in her mind that he’d make her eat if she refused. The two of them were overbearing and annoying, but meant well. Y/n knew Rhys had sent them in, considering his, Mor’s and even Amren’s attempts had all failed.

“I thought you’d be happier to see us,” Cassian teased, nudging his shoulder with hers. “It’s been two weeks.”

“I am happy to see you,” she mumbled. It’s the truth, she was glad to see him, and if she’d actually known they were back she probably would’ve left to at least check they’re in one piece.

As soon as she’d cleared her plate, Cassian looped his arm in between hers - not giving her a chance to go anywhere. “We’re training.”

“I just ate.” She protested, but it didn’t work. Azriel trailed them outside, hopefully to make sure Cassian didn’t end up working her to the point she threw up.

She realized the mistake exactly as it happened, both arms raising for a block - and her shirt lifting as well. Revealing two yellowing hand print shaped bruises on her waist. She forced her expression to remain still, to not react, and hoped they hadn’t noticed. But, Cassian stilled. Eyes focused on where her shirt now covered her stomach. Y/n could’ve taken the opportunity to strike him, but didn’t.

“Where are those from?” He asked her, and she could tell he was struggling to keep his voice even. They’d caught Azriel’s attention as well, from where he was standing a few paces away from the ring. Based on the predatory look of rage in his eyes, he’d seen everything.

“None of -”

“Don’t.” The general cut in shortly.

“It’s fine.” She insisted, going on the defensive.

“Is that … part of what has you upset?” His throat bobbed, and she could tell he was trying very hard to keep himself calm. Y/n turned and ducked out of the ring, returning her sword to the rack. There was no use in lying to them, they both always knew when she was. And when she badgered them for her tells, they refused. So, she took a deep breath and prepared herself to deal with the fall out.

“Yes. I took care of it already.” Her voice shook with each word.

“What happened?” Azriel asked mildly.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, and tilted her head back to look at the sky. She couldn’t look at them now, and didn't want to. Didn’t want the two of them to see her break down. Instead, she focused on the stars above her as the story spilled out. One of her friends' brothers had cornered her. She was in her early-twenties, and had never been interested in anyone. Not in that way. When the … opportunity came up she went along with it for a minute - even flirted harmlessly with him, but when he pressed and tried to push her for more, tried to get her to kiss him, and when he refused …

“That’s when,” she waved her hand down her stomach, “that happened. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t,” she couldn’t keep the tears from her eyes as the story kept spilling out, of how he grabbed her breast, tried to stick his hand between her legs.

“And he called me a frigid bitch after I kneed him in the balls.” She finished weakly, forcing a laugh. The two of them had gone incredibly still, and she felt the tears drip from her cheeks onto her shirt. “I took care of it.” She insisted.

The ‘taking care of it’ worked for a day. Until he came back, thinking she was just playing with him - that she liked the ‘playing hard to get.’ The worst was her friend justifying it, when she brought it up to her.

“Well,” she hesitated, biting on her bottom lip. “You did flirt with him, how’s he supposed to know?”

“I told him to stop.” Y/n insisted.

“Just try telling him again.” She sighed. “I don’t want to get in a fight with him.” She told him, again, over the next three days.

“There’s more.” Azriel said. Gods, he always knew - even if she was just omitting something. “All of it. I need to hear all of it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She yelled, the anger she’d kept a firm lid on spilling out as tears ran down her face. “I don’t want to think about it, I want it to be over.”

Cassian strode towards her, wrapping her in his arms and bringing her close to his chest, rubbing her back and holding her through her sobs. Cool shadows swirled around her neck and shoulders, and she recognized Azriel’s way of comforting her.

“I’m sorry.” She murmured, face still pressed into his chest.

“None of that,” he replied, running a hand through her hair. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She snorted, pushing back against him. “You’re growing soft.”

“Just for you,” he grinned but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Y/n yelped as she was gently tugged away from him, instead bundled into Azriel’s arms, his fingers running through her hair and shadows still curling around her. Probably reporting her expressions even as he couldn’t see her face. “Can you tell me now?”

She exhaled slowly. She wouldn’t get out of this, so she might as well tell him. “He just didn’t know how to take the hint. He thought I was playing with him.” Azriel tensed underneath her, and she scented the pure rage coming from both of the Illyrians and knew if she didn’t say anything else someone in the Autumn court would find their immortal life cut short. “I told him if he didn’t stop I would stab him.”

“Good girl.” He murmured, but didn’t release her - instead holding her tight as if she might disappear at any moment.

“Don’t -,” she took in a breath, “don’t tell anyone else.” She pushed back, tilting her head to see his expression. He looked troubled by it and glancing over to Cassian told her he’s feeling the same way. “Please.”

They looked at each other, as if they were communicating something silently, and nerves hit her - crawling under her skin and swirling in her stomach. She took another step back, forcing Azriel’s arms to hang back by his sides.

“We’ll make a deal, with a few conditions.” Cassian said, and strode closer to her, standing next to Azriel to make a wall formed of pure arrogance. She groaned internally. “If you don’t agree. We’ll tell him.”

She crossed her arms, pressing her lips together. “What are they?”

“Firstly, they’re non negotiable.” He waited for her nod before continuing. “You don’t visit them again. If you want to see her, she comes here.”

“I’d have to go through Rhys for that.” He gave her a look, as if to say - “that’s your problem,” and she rolled her eyes.

“Second. No more hiding.”

“I wasn’t -”

“Yes you were.” Azriel cut in, raising an eyebrow at her glare. “Rhys told us.”

“He needs to learn to mind his business.” She muttered and Cassian snorted.

“If he didn’t tell us, we would’ve figured it out. You don’t miss meals.”

“I could have just wanted to eat in private.”

“For three days in a row?” He crossed his arms.

“Mind your damn business.”

“Enough.” Azriel cut off the quickly budding argument between the two of them. He’s always been the mediator between the two of them - both ‘blessed’ with quick tempers.

She wheeled on him instead. “And you have to promise not to tell him.” She needed to be very clear on that, otherwise he would take the loophole and exploit it. He looked conflicted, but ended up promising - unless it somehow escalates, but considering she’ll never see him again - she doubts it will.

“Is that everything?”

“One more. Anyone does that to you again, you tell us.”

“As long as you don’t tell anyone else without my permission permission.” They exchanged another look, and both nodded. She stared at them for a few seconds. “It’s a bargain.”

She fought her smile as she was on the receiving end of twin glares. Apparently they hadn’t intended for it to go that far, but now she knew their word was good.

“Brat.” Cassian muttered, but started searching for the tattoo.

She shoved up her sleeves. Nothing on her arms. But, felt a tiny prick on chest, and strode towards the mirror, adjusting her shirt to see. Some kind of constellation was etched into her skin, spreading across her collarbones in a pattern she didn’t recognize. Azriel and Cassian had matching ones - it took them a minute to figure it out, especially with their leathers in the way, but small dots were interwoven with the tattoos already lining their chests.

“It’s … feminine.” Cassian commented.

“Nothing wrong with that,” she raised a brow at him.

“Nothing wrong with it.” He quickly agreed.

“I think they’re pretty,” she teased, poking his chest.

“Did you figure it out?” Rhys asked later as the three of them met in his office.

Cassian’s hand ran down his face. “We did.”

“And what is it?”

“We can’t tell you.” Azriel replied through gritted teeth.

Rhys paused for a moment, before raising his brows. “You let her trick you into a bargain? I thought you would’ve known better.” Both of them bristled. Ever since y/n figured out what a bargain was, she managed to word things carefully enough they’d get wrapped into them. Rhys still remembers the first time he met her, back when she was a youngling and before they managed to get her out of the Court of Nightmares.

“Mor said you could fly,” she whispered - low enough nobody else could hear. She looked up and saw the hesitant look on his face. “I can keep a secret.” She grinned. He gave her a quick nod.

He saw her again, a year later - now seven years old. “Could you take me flying?” He gave a subtle shake of his head, but every time she saw him she would ask, and eventually he caved.

“I’ll make a deal with you, you stop asking - and I’ll take you flying”

“It’s a bargain.” She whispered, and Rhys winced as a small band appeared around his upper arm, a matching one on her. That’s not supposed to happen … she shouldn’t be able to make those without both parties expliciting saying it.

They snuck her out the next day and took her, if only to keep anyone else from noticing the thin tattoo around her upper arm. He still remembered Mor half-heartedly lecturing her about the danger of making bargains - and not to go doing it with strangers.

Another idea popped into his head. “Did she say you can’t show me?”

Cassian winced. “I don’t-,” he turned to give Azriel a sharp look, “we don’t want to betray her trust. But it’s taken care of.”

Rhys nodded. He’d have to wiggle it out of her himself then, even if that’s nearly impossible. Besides, if the two of them break her trust like that, and she finds out … that would be a fight he doesn’t want to be anywhere near.

Mor promised to get her out of Hewn City, whenever she needed to. Y/n was eighteen when she left, when she moved to Velaris, met Cassian, Azriel, Amren, and started making friends in the city. She should’ve known any ‘friends’ she met living there … Y/n cut off that line of thinking, reminding herself it’s not her fault, in any way. But, her mind still swirls with all of the ways she possibly could have prevented it, or the different things she could have done. For gods sake, she’s told others countless times that it’s not their fault, and they’re in no way responsible for others actions, but she still gets caught in that spider web, in the dangerous abyss of her own thoughts caving in on her.

“Where’d you go?” Rhys interrupts her and she blinks heavily.

“Here and there.” She mutters, pushing some food around on her plate.

“Anything you want to talk about?” Him and Mor have stopped questioning her as frequently, but still try to put subtle feelers out to see if she will respond, or open up to them.

The words blurt out before she can think twice about them. “Can I speak with the priestesses again?”

His entire body tenses, his shoulders tightening and eyes darkening. She’d just given him a very clear idea of what happened while she was away.

The priestesses. He can only think of a few reasons why she’d want to speak with them. It could be related to her past, but more likely to some recent events. Barely, he manages to keep his composure.

“I’ll ask them.” His voice is short and he watches her worry her bottom lip.

“Please don’t do-”

“Anything rash?” He raises a brow, forcing a cool and neutral tone.

“I took care of it.” She insisted. Similar to what Azriel and Cassian said.

“Will you ever tell me? Or Mor? She’s worried sick.” Rhys knew it was a low blow, even as he said it.

“I’m tired of … I’m tired of talking about it.”

He wondered why she’d want to go to the priestesses, why she’d want to speak with them if she’s already sick of talking. But then again, he’s heard that sometimes they go into their offices just to cry or scream. Either way, he’s not going to deny her the chance, or that request. He knows without a doubt that they’ll agree to see her. They all love her there, and she spends a lot of her time studying in the archives. Technically that’s her official position in his court - to research, her mind is her greatest weapon.

“Why don’t you ask them yourself?”

“I wanted to make you feel useful.” He rolled his eyes, leaning over to flick her nose. She dodged it, swatting his hand away. “But if you’re going to complain I can ask them myself.’”

“Asking who?” Mor swept into the room, her eyes glimmering with curiosity. Rhys took that as his cue to leave, before he got caught into anything between the two sisters.

Y/n mouthed ‘traitor’ at Rhys’s retreating figure, when Mor wasn’t looking.

“I’m going to ask if I can speak with the priestesses again.”

“Oh.” She paused, before sitting down on the couch next to her, stretching her legs out in front. “Anyone in particular?”

She exhaled in relief, something Mor noticed but didn’t comment on.

“Not Merrill.” Y/n muttered, drawing a laugh out of Mor.

“Merrill has a good heart.”

“I deal with her enough already.” Y/n groaned, leaning her head back on the cushion.

“How is that going?” Mor switched subjects, navigating to safer areas. If she pushed too much on this topic … y/n might shut down again.

“Slowly. Traveling between worlds, Rhys is obsessed with it and translating some of the old texts takes hours.”

“Is he now?” She turned, interested, and gave her a small smile.

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“I won’t snitch.”

“I won’t either.” She snipped back, but a small smile was on her face, and some mirth dancing in her eyes. She could’ve cried from relief - even if she has other things to think about now, about how she has a very clear idea of what happened. Part of her wants to lecture her sister about bargains, again.

Y/n was forced to stop hiding, the tattoo pricking into her skin every time it thought she was being a bit too reclusive. Still, she wondered if it really was a fair bargain - their silence in return for; not visiting her again, not hiding, and telling them if anyone does that again. She supposes that could mean several things, and they never specified a specific timeframe on when she would have to tell them. In her desperation for them to keep her confidence, she’d done something foolish and doubted they would let her out of that anytime soon. If ever.

The two of them can be just as tricky as she is, and just as likely to find loopholes. At least they wouldn’t use it against her with the intention to cause harm. She’d never make one of those with someone she doesn’t trust. Even if the wording is iron-clad, there’s always room for error. Most of the ‘bargains’ she’s made are always light-hearted.

Like making Rhys take her to fly, even if it was the shortest gods-damned flight of her life. Two minutes, if that - and under the cover of dark, after him and Mor snuck her out of Hewn City. Her very first taste of freedom. She was always kept away whenever the Inner Circle visited. Still, she managed to sneak away from the guards, learning how to create diversions and somehow give the impression she was still sleeping in her rooms, enchanting her toys to keep moving, or a pen to keep writing, a book to keep flipping its pages. They never caught her either. She wasn’t even born when Mor left. In fact, she wasn’t born until after Rhys took up his throne. Born into a ‘cleaned-out’ Hewn City, and grateful for it - she doesn’t want to know what it was like before.

Not many children were around, anyway. The friends she did make were the ones her parents encouraged her to, from foreign courts for the most part. People she’s unlikely to ever visit again. Technically, she could leave of her own accord - but that would mean whoever she’s visiting is going to have someone knocking on their door to drag her away.

A knock sounded on the door as she slumped back against her pillow, and she could sense Azriel was out there.

“Come in,” she called. There’s a fifty-fifty chance he’d enter anyway.

The door swung open, revealing him leaning against her doorway. “I heard you went to speak with the priestesses.”

Cutting right to the chase, then. “I speak with them every day. It’s part of my job description.”

His eyes narrowed. “You know what I mean.”

She groaned, pushing herself up to sit. “You don’t need to haunt the doorway, you can come in.”

“Last time I did, I recall a book launched my way.”

She held up both hands, showing there were no projectiles in reach. He still looked cautious as he entered, and took up a seat in one of the armchairs, right by her favorite window. She swung her legs over so she sat on the edge of her bed, propping her forearms on her thighs.

Azriel couldn’t help as his eyes shifted down ever so slightly to where her nightdress slipped down, showing the tops of the curves of her breasts. His gaze switched back up as quickly as possible, and somehow y/n didn’t catch the action - instead looking out towards the window. Good, the last thing he needs is to start ogling her, to give her the impression he’s coming onto her. There was something else he could do. He’d need to speak with Cassian.

“I’m proud of you,” he offered instead. Her head snapped, back to look at him. Her eyes were wide and he fought the urge to shift under her gaze.

“Thank you,” she murmured, her lips turning up into a soft smile. A shadow curled around his ear, happy, happy, happy. It sang.

“What do they tell you?” She tilted her head, eyeing it.

“That you’re happy,” he said honestly.

She blinked twice, lips curving into an easy smile. “I suppose I am,” she finally answered.

“You should get some sleep.” He’d noticed the bags under her eyes, how she still seemed exhausted and worn down throughout the day. Azriel had told Cassian he needed to stop dragging her outside and beating her into the ground every day. He’s aware healing is different for each person, but it had been a month since she returned, and his worry only grew.

“That’s rude.” She frowned, but glanced at the mirror across from her bed. Interesting placement. “I do look like shit.”

He snorted. “You look tired, there’s a difference.”

“Sleep hasn’t … been easy.” He could tell it cost her something to admit that. Stubborn pride, just like her sister and cousin. And the rest of them, he supposed.

“Nightmares?” He prompted, and she nodded. He wouldn’t pry further, but made a mental note to send a shadow in later, to keep watch on her. Maybe it was an invasion of her privacy, but he didn’t particularly care. “I’m right down the hall,” he jerked his chin towards the door.

“I’m aware.” Another shadow curled around his ear, stay, stay, stay. “Is it too nosy if I ask about that one?” She teased.

“Maybe.”

She held her hand to her chest in mock surprise. “I suppose it’s your job to keep secrets.”

“I recall someone making a terrible bargain to keep something secret.”

Her face dropped, and he got the impression he said the wrong damn thing. “They’ve already figured it out.” She mumbled, eyes avoiding him. He hated that, hated when she wouldn’t look at him.

“That’s not a terrible thing.” He fought the urge to rub the back of his neck. He’s never been great at comforting, usually Cassian’s the one to do these kinds of things. Still, he found himself walking across the room, taking a seat next to her. On instinct, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, tugging her into his side.

She froze, went still for a brief moment, and he was about to move away when she leaned into him, her body relaxing. A few of his shadows swirled around her neck, and she hummed in content.

Another one curled around his ear, happy, stay. Maybe, for a minute or two.

Cassian went looking for Azriel, he wasn’t in his room - or downstairs or anywhere to be found, and tracked his scent off to y/n’s room, of all places. The door was already parted, and he nudged it open with his foot. Y/n was curled into his side, sound asleep in an awfully uncomfortable position. How tired did she have to be to sleep like that? Almost sitting up.

Azriel turned his head to look at him, his expression almost saying ‘I have no idea how I got here.’ He held a fist up to his face, fighting back a laugh, and ignoring his glare. He stalked over towards the duo, ignoring Az’s glare as he shook y/n’s shoulder.

“Stop holding him hostage.” He watched as her eyes opened, half lidded with sleep.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, hand coming up to hide a yawn.

Azriel moved his arm away, even if he seemed reluctant to do so, and he pushed back her shoulders so she’d actually lay down. “I don’t want to hear any complaints if your back hurts tomorrow.”

“Fuck off.” She yanked the blankets back over her, burrowing down into the pillows. It took barely a minute before she was sound asleep again, her breaths evening out, mouth slightly parted in sleep. Peaceful, she looked so peaceful, even with the bags still lining her eyes like horrible bruises.

Azriel tapped his shoulder, and he realized he’d been staring for a while. They quietly left, gently shutting the door closed behind them.

“You’ve gone soft.” He told the other male after they were out of earshot.

“I was just … comforting her, and she fell asleep.”

“Must be really tired, then.”

“She said she’s having nightmares.”

Mother above, Cassian wanted to storm the autumn court and bring her back that asshole’s head as a gift. In fact, he’d been debating it for the last few days - but, if anything it would distress her further. Y/n’s never been a violent person, in contrast to the rest of the inner circle. A good contrast. She thought he’d been training her more just to keep her from ‘hiding,’ but his mind was swirling with what else could’ve gone wrong, and if she would have been able to defend herself. Or why she threw herself in whole heartedly, pushing herself harder than ever.

“She’s been more ...” Cassian pressed his lips into a tightline, glancing behind him to make sure y/n wasn’t behind. “Dedicated, training wise.”

“I know.” Azriel replied quietly. He couldn’t shake the feeling there was something else they didn’t know.

Her tattoo pricked at her as she opened the third letter in the past month. Addressed from her friend, like the last two, but something was different about this one - her name written differently, a small curve to the letters.

Her eyes scanned the page, picking out the key phrases.

I miss the fun we had. I know how much you enjoyed yourself.

You must, should visit at your earliest convenience.

There was only a general threatening atmosphere to the words - nothing outwardly against her safety. Only him … reminiscing on the past events, in uncomfortable detail. Harmless, she decided, even if her subconscious screamed against her. No pain ripped through her magic, also some guilt crept into her at the feeling - she was hiding it, using a loophole to get out of the agreement, not honoring the spirit of it.

With a low exhale, she justified it to herself, no need to worry the two of them - they were busy enough as is. Besides, she couldn’t trust them to keep their cool. The guilt would multiply if she knew violence was brought to her friend's doorway. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth, and crumpled the paper - shoving it in a drawer and reminding herself to burn it later. It was dark, the sun already dipped below the horizon - only vague rays of pink and purple peeking up past the horizon. Her stomach grumbled, loud enough she snorted. That’s a clear signal she needs to grab something to eat.

She slipped out her door, closing it behind her with a gentle snick. She kept her footsteps as silent as she could as she trailed down the hallway, but she heard … moans - and groans coming from Azriel’s room. Did he have someone over? A small tinge of hurt filled her - not that he was hers, or she had any claim to him. Or Cassian. Why had her mind gone to both of them? “Ridiculous,” she quietly chided herself. She could manage to walk by the room, keep her eyes set right ahead - no need to look at the door or pause, she wouldn’t be nosy.

Her feet moved quickly, and she spotted the cracked open door in her peripheral, cursing him. Eyes forward, right ahead. No need to look.

But, she made the mistake of looking at the window, figuring it would be harmless.

Her mouth parted in shock as she saw Cassian, pressed back against Azriel who had one arm wrapped around his front - palming him through the leather pants. They were both shirtless, muscles toned and gleamed with a light sheen of sweat. Azriel’s other hand was fisted in the General’s hair, their lips crashing together in a violent and passionate kiss.

She hadn’t realized she was staring, arousal starting to creep into her, until a shadow curled around Azriel’s ear and his head snapped towards her. Cassian quickly followed, and she let out a small yelp - going bug eyed and taking off down the hall. She was not supposed to see that. Not at all … Mother above they need to close the damned door. Arousal flickered through her as she paused at the end of the hall - way out of range, bracing her hand against the wall, she squeezed her eyes shut and willed away the feeling. She couldn’t want them. They were perfectly unavailable, and together, at least in some sense.

Did Rhys and Mor know? She wouldn’t be the one to tell them. Her mind flashed with more images;

Azriel panting as Cassian knelt in front of him. Azriel hauling him to his feet - throwing him over the side of the bed …

“Stop it.” She muttered to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose and darting her gaze around the hall. No one to witness, good. She couldn’t remember why she left her room, but she wouldn’t be returning for a while.

It shouldn’t have, but getting caught - and by her, and feeling her arousal from the brief moments she watched them … it spurred him on, sent him deeper into that state of building pleasure.

She didn’t know they already knew she was there. Azriel wanted to see how long it took for her to say something, or if they’d have to act first.

“We should invite her back.” Cassian said, bruised lips frowning.

“Do you want to scare her off?” Azriel asked incredulously. They had actual albeit vague plans for this. To come in stages, how to trigger various emotions in her.

“No.” He muttered, entwining his hair at the nape of Azriel’s neck.

“Good boy” Azriel teased and his friend grunted, throwing a half-hearted punch his way. Cassian stiffened under his hand. “You like that?” His teeth nipped at his neck as his hand slipped under his waistband.

“Do we talk to her about it?” Cassian asked, an hour later - hair messed, cheeks flushed, one hand braced on the doorframe.

Az propped himself up from where he was still laying in bed. “Let her dream about it.”

#acotar fic #cazriel x reader #cazriel x y/n #cassian x azriel x reader #cassian x y/n x azriel #azriel x cassian x y/n #azriel x y/n x cassian #azriel x reader x cassian #cazriel #cassian x azriel #cassian x y/n #cassian x reader x azriel #cassian x reader #azriel x y/n #azriel x reader #acotar imagine

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del-thetiredwriter · 1 year

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Mafia au/ Good Luck while running away from the mafia part 1

Intro , part 0.5 , part 2 , part 3

Notes: Guess what I’m back . To be honest I didn’t quite like it but anyway I’m posting it and I can’t write fight scenes (￣▽￣;). It’s so exhausting.

Tags: @loivre , @randomlyappearingartist , @serenity-loves-red , @hasty-desert , @moonlight-nightwing , @hrhqueenfox , @oceanside-pixie

Warning: cursing, fighting, blood, shooting, Yandere stuff…

“Riddle-san, what are you doing, sir?”

At the question, Riddle briefly lifted his eyes from the documents and looked at you.

“I was just wondering about a thing.” He replied.

You looked around at the files arranged in order. All of them had one thing in common: betrayal, crime, wrong, etc. against the organizations punishments .

“I was really curious about what caught Riddle-san's attention. What could possibly make you go through even the files from the old manager Trein-sensei's time?"

Riddle smiled.

"Don't worry, you'll find out soon." said Riddle.

You were suddenly startled by the sound of footsteps. Apparently you fell asleep. You're not normally someone who sleeps a lot, but for the past two weeks you haven't been able to sleep properly.

After leaving the organization or rather escaping, you temporarily settled in a remote coastal city where you hoped they'd find you a little late. With a little help, you changed your identity, your phone line, everything. You've removed everything that indicates Y/n L/n.

Life here was calmer compared to your old life. You wished you could stay here forever. But you knew they would find you eventually. You lived ,one night in your sleep afraid that they would find you at your most vulnerable moment.

You were currently working in a cafe. Although it may seem a little illogical, working at the cafe, which was open until midnight, was actually a little better for you. The more people around you, the easier it is to avoid them.

"Yo!" You turned the way you came. Your colleague Alex was glaring at you with his arms folded.

“Yuu, what are you doing in the camera room again, are you skipping work again?”

'Yuu' is your new identity that you created to make it harder for them to find you while running away. You still had a hard time getting used to the name.

“No, Alex. I just- "

"Anyway, I'm going downstairs. You have the upstairs okay?"

You nodded and Alex left the room. You looked at the clock, it was 10:00 pm. You stretched yourself and yawned. Two more hours until the end of the shift.

As you were about to get up, your eyes were caught by the cameras. Your eyes widened in panic at what you saw. You watched three people enter the cafe. You'll recognize those red hair, those grins, those faces wherever you see them. Heartslabyul found you. No, they all found you. You clenched your teeth, your time was limited.

The reason you spent most of your time in the camera room was because you could see everything from here. You quickly grabbed your gun from the locked drawer and loaded it. Deuce and Cater took a table downstairs near the front exit. Ace was walking up the stairs.

You took a deep breath. You should have thought fast. You should have gotten out of here . But for that you had to go down the stairs first.

You went behind the door and waited. You waited for Ace to find you.

Look at the cameras. It was approaching. You gripped your gun tightly. And the door opened. You punched the poor boy in the face as the door opened.

“Agh-“ A bitter moan broke out from Ace.

Before he could draw his gun, you kicked him in the stomach and dropped it to the ground.

“Agh- it's been a long time and the first thing you do when you see me is attack me? Really Y/n.” Ace grinned . Clutching his nose, which was bleeding from your punch.

You muttered, "Bastard."

“Come on Y/n didn't you miss me? I missed you so much." He tried to punch you, but you avoided him. You both started to struggle. Ace might have been strong, but you were more experienced and stronger than him. You grabbed him by the head and knocked him to the ground. Before he could regain his balance, you took his tie and tied him with it.

“What am I going to miss about you, you sadistic bastard!”

You picked up the gun on the ground.

“What? Are you going to shoot me ?” Ace said in a tone you didn't like.

“You have to stop asking questions you know the answer to.”

At 11:00 pm, screams broke out in a cafe with the sound of 'bang' gunfire. Everyone in the cafe began to flee desperately, except for two people. The two men, one with red hair and the other with black hair, started to make their way to the upper floor of the cafe.

“Do you think who shot whom, hmm~” Cater asked the younger one.

As the two of them went upstairs, the power went out suddenly and the whole cafe was plunged into darkness.

“Looks like Y/n-chan won.” said Cater to himself.

“Let's separate . You stay here, Y/n has to use the stairs before they can get out of the cafe.” Cater instructed.

“Okay, sir.” said Deuce.

You held your breath under the table. You waited for Cater's footsteps to go away. You were the one who cut the electricity. Five minutes later the generator would start working . You should have gotten out of here by then. Finally, making sure that Cater was far enough away, you slowly came out from under the table. No matter how hard you tried not to make a sound, Deuce heard you.

“Y/n? Is this you ?"

Now that his eyes were accustomed to the dark, he could barely make out your silhouette. Everything happened so abruptly. You took a chair and hit Deuce with it. While he was stunned by the blow, you ran downstairs with your names and the electricity came back. Your five minutes were up.

When the lights were turned on, an unexpected sight was in front of you.

Riddle was sitting at a table eating strawberry pie as if nothing had happened.

“Ah, Y/n you finally came down. I was getting really bored waiting for you.” He said while taking a slice of the pie.

You pointed your gun at him. "Get out of my way if you don't-"

"It's been a long time since we've seen each other, Y/n, but will you put that gun down?" A familiar voice said as you turned around and saw Trey pointing his gun at you. As always, even in this state, he was smiling gently at you.

“Tch. What do you want ? Why are you here?" You asked questions that you know very well the answer to.

Riddle smiled.

“Y/n L/n you are posing a great danger to the organization right now. You also have cases of injuring my men. You understand what I'm trying to say, right?"

"Get out of my way or I'll shoot you."

Riddle laughed.

“You won’t t kill me, you can't. Just like we can't do to you. Now if you drop that gun, I'll do my best to mitigate your sentence."

This was clearly a lie. You grit your teeth. You smiled calmly and did as he said. You slowly put your gun down and raised your hands in the air.

“Well done, here it is. I wish you would always listen to my words like this. Now let's go back." said Riddle.

“Sorry Riddle but I won't be back!” You said and detonated the smoke bomb you were hiding. The area was suddenly covered with fog. You quickly walked out the front door through that mess and got into your car.

“Get them quick!” Riddle shouted.

You quickly drove away. There was no turning back anymore. The Game has started.

#yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland mafia au #yandere heartslabyul #riddle rosehearts #ace trappola #deuce spade #cater diamond #trey clover #yandere riddle rosehearts #yandere cater diamond #yandere trey clover #yandere ace trappola #yandere deuce spade #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader

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ahahnopenope · 12 days

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Sketchdump january-march 2024

Curse you tumblr mobile app and your limit of 10 pictures/post

#my art #sketch #traditional art #fanart #dungeons and dragons #bg3 #bg3 fanart #land of lore #original character #sketchbook #sketch dump #sketchdump

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bootleg-nessie · 29 days

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List of Extremely Cursed Knowledge

Having autism and ADHD is a blessing and a curse because on one hand, I’m basically a walking encyclopedia of random facts and information. On the other hand, a fair amount of that information is so fucked up that it’s not socially acceptable to share it with anyone. So naturally, I took every fucked up fact, every bit of twisted trivia, every bit of cursed knowledge that I could come up with off the top of my head and compiled it into one big list to post on the internet. Some of this information may permanently ruin your (you, the reader) perception of certain things. None of this information should have ever seen the light of day, and a fair amount of it was never, ever meant to be known by humans.

You cannot unlearn anything on this list. This is your chance to scroll past.

You have been warned.

\/ \/ \/

According to FDA standards, a jar of peanut butter is allowed to have up to seven (7) rat hairs before it’s considered unfit for human consumption. If it has 7 or less rat hairs it will still be sold in stores.

If I just ruined peanut butter for you, don’t google the FDA regulations on any other foods you enjoy.

Human teeth have 36 calories each.

The average human body has roughly 125,000 calories. This is actually relatively low, which makes cannibalism in humans generally unsustainable.

Human meat tastes like pork.

Penguins have been observed practicing necrophilia.

Dolphin vaginas secrete a substance that acts like an aphrodisiac on steroids. When scientists swabbed some of it on a chimpanzee’s penis, it masturbated so furiously that it had a heart attack and died.

Dolphins have been known to intentionally commit suicide if kept in poor conditions.

Scientists that work with cockroaches often become allergic due to exposure. Simultaneously, they also develop an allergy to chocolate and pre-ground coffee. Make of that what you will.

Dolphins have been observed masturbating using decapitated fish heads.

Dolphins have been observed getting high on pufferfish venom recreationally, sometimes even passing a pufferfish around like a joint.

There’s a LOT of rape across the entire animal kingdom. Like, a LOT. It’s especially prevalent in dolphins, otters, ducks, penguins, and primates, to name a few.

On a related note, female ducks have corkscrew shaped vaginas. Male ducks also have corkscrew shaped penises that measure in at a whopping eighteen inches.

The barnacle has the largest penis to body size ratio in the animal kingdom, with its penis being up to eight times as long as its body.

Chimpanzees have been observed using frogs as a fleshlight.

A disembodied human head weighs about 10-12 lbs and is balanced in such a way that requires you to use both hands to pick up.

Pigs will eat every single part of a corpse - including bones. In 2012 a farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs after having a heart attack and falling in their enclosure. This also makes pig pens a prime spot for dumping bodies.

A body will decompose faster if you fill the rectal cavity with yogurt before burying it

When burying a body, make sure to bury it in a heavily wooded area. If vegetation is too sparse and/or the body isn’t buried deep enough, it will be easily noticeable after a few months because plants will grow in much thicker directly above where the body was buried.

You cannot bury a body in sand, as sand is too porous. The smell will seep through and give away the location

The entire universe could theoretically exist as a false vacuum and collapse into nothingness at any moment without warning.

Any alien civilization advanced enough to detect life on earth is also probably advanced enough to destroy our entire planet almost immediately. At the peak of interstellar technology, the only limiting factor is the speed of light. If they decided to attack, we probably wouldn’t even know it was coming until the entire surface of the planet was already vaporized.

It takes three and a half rotations to fully detach a human head from its body.

Recently deceased bodies can experience rigor erectus, which translates to “death boner.” This is especially common in victims of hanging, as it’s primarily caused by trauma to the cerebellum or spinal cord.

There is an extremely real chance that you have unknowingly purchased a product that was made by modern day slaves at least once in your life. Coffee, cotton, fish, clothes, shoes, and technology are among the most vulnerable industries.

A decapitated head remains conscious for several seconds after separated from the body.

The entire koala population across Australia is currently undergoing a major chlamydia epidemic. It’s actually been extremely devastating for them and they’re currently facing the threat of extinction because of it.

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imaginaryf1shots · 9 months

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My Girls (|||.5) | Max Verstappen

Words count: 5149

Driver!oc X Max Verstappen

Platonic!Driver!oc X the grid

Summery: Cecilia Hansson daughter of a Swedish billionaire, a race car driver, with a dream of making it big in Formula 1. However she has a few secrets that may hurt her as women are disliked in the sport.

This is just how some of the grid found out about Nathalie.

Series Warnings: cursing, child abandment, absent father, drinking, car accidents, Jos Verstappen, misogyny, Christian horner (tell me if i missed anything)

A/N: Wasn't planning on posting this today, but I've been recieving a lot of love on this series so I thought why not treat you all.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Previous || Next

How they found out

2018 (Lewis) Nathalie is 2

It’s a nice day in Monaco, a lot of people who live in Monaco are now out of the country and it has a few tourists. The summer break is full on, Cecilia decided to enjoy the day and take Nathalie out, the mother daughter duo had a full day out. They went shopping, got Nathalie a new toy and a couple new outfits, Cecilia can’t believe how fast Nattie is getting bigger she’s walking, talking and eating. Then they got ice cream, Cecilia drove around for a bit while Nattie slept, Monaco is so small that Cecilia felt like she drove all of Monaco over 10 times, she stopped at a pier for a bit, Cecilia got out of the car, left the window open and lent on the side of the car looking out at the sea, it’s been so long since she’s partied on a yacht, it’s been a long time since she’s gone to any party. Period.

Does she miss that time in her life, yes, does she regret it, no. She'd do the same things all over again, make the same mistakes, date that asshole if it meant she’d have her daughter with her.

When Nathalie woke up, Cecilia decided it was time to head back. Having some disney music on, the windows down, wind in their hair, they were having so much fun. Glancing at the rearview window to see her beautiful girl smiling and moving around, made Cecilia the happiest woman alive.

Parking the car Cecilia got out of the car, grabbed their shopping bags, before she unbuckled Nathalie, the girl wanted to walk on her own. Closing the car and locking it, Cecilia held out her hand for Nathalie to take it.

“Maman, I don wanna goh home.” The small girl looked up at her mum with puppy dog eyes, pouting in the way she knew that Cecilia was weak for.

“Why Mon Ange? Want to spend more time with maman?” She asked with a smile, ever so patient, the way her mother was with her. Nodding, Cecilia smiled, she unlocked the car, placed everything back in locking the car before she held her hand out for Nattie, holding her mum’s hand, they walked around their neighbourhood. Nathalie was telling Cecilia about the play date she had with her cousin, or more like trying to, the two year old’s vocabulary was still very limited. One of Cecilia’s older brother’s sons is Nathalie’s age, so they often had play dates. Cecilia still lived with her parents, she never got to move out, her brother’s old room now Nathalie’s.

The girl let go of her mum’s hand and started skipping as they walked, a woman with her dog was walking on the other side, the dog suddenly barked, scaring the little girl, who stumbled and fell down, in an instant her eyes filled with tears.

“Maman!” She sobbed, holding her hands up wanting to be carried. Cecilia rushed to her making sure she wasn’t hurt before she scooped her up. The girl hugged her mother and cried.

“It’s okay baby, let’s go home, it’s okay, you’re alright” She hushed, rubbing her hand up and down the toddler’s back in a comforting manner, she turned around to walk back to their house, her eyes looked around before they settled on a familiar pair of eyes. There he stood her colleague, she knows they live in the same neighbourhood, Monaco is small but Lewis Hamilton lived on the same street as her. They’ve met before on the grid and at FIA events.

Lewis knew it was her, the girl’s crying and shouting for her mother, gained his attention. Looking from mother to daughter, he quickly assessed the situation before giving Cecilia a kind smile. He nods in understanding before he walks up the steps for his building. Acting like he saw nothing.

Cecilia wanted to cry but she hoped that the nod and smile from the older driver meant that he’d keep it a secret. From her knowledge of Lewis, from his character he isn’t the type to tell. She doesnt know him that well but she hopes she knows him enough to make that judgement.

Walking back home she hopes that she’s right.

2019 (Seb and Charles)

“I think you did great.” Sebastian said, making Cecilia roll my eyes at him, and sigh. The four time world champion took no offence knowing how frustrated she is, and he’s very close to the female.

“I don’t know about that.” Cecilia muttered and chose not to look at both the drivers with her, they were both out of their champagne covered clothes and into their team kits, the three finished their post race media duties and were in the hotel lobby slowly making their way to their rooms. They were all placed in the same level as each other, for the Canadian Grand Prix, it was accidental but none of them was complaining.

“Has anyone at Mclaren said anything?” Charles asked his friend, they have known each other for years now, cecilia was the only female who was at all the races growing up, not the only female at a race but she was at all of them, any race she could participate in she was in, and any race she could go to watch she went, because of that the girl’s social circle is big. Which wasn’t a good thing when the media found out about her being the new Mclaren driver, calling her all the names under the sun, ‘fans’ asking for her to be removed.

“No, but I'm on a yearly contract, I have to get as many podiums as I can to guarantee a seat next year.” Cecilia said and they got into the left, she leaned into the back of the elevator and crossed her arms.

“Then you got nothing to worry about, you’ve been winning Mclaren points every race, something not a lot of drivers can do in their first year.” Sebastian says, patting her shoulder.

“Says the great Sebastian Vettle.” Cecilia says and pouts, Seb and Charles laugh at her antics, Seb pulls her for a side hug. He’s been looking out for her since she was a reserve driver, she had met him a few times before she got into F1, she is a F2 World Champion after all.

“Come on Cece, you’re doing amazing, Mclaren has been singing praises about you since the start of the season besides we’re only 7 races in AND you won in Austria.” Charles said and the trio got out of the left walking down the hallway towards their rooms.

“Maman!” A young squeaky voice shouted before a small body crashed into cecilia. The woman instinctively picked up the girl, before she froze.

“Nathalie!” Another older voice shouted, the males stared wide eyed as another woman who they know as your mother ran over, a nervous and apologetic look in her eyes.

“It’s okay Maman I got her.” Cecilia told her mother with a small smile, Nathalie wrapped her arms around her mum’s neck and laid her head on her shoulder shyly looking at the men staring at her and her mother.

“Are you sure?” She asked not convinced, Cecilia nodded, her mother leaving back to her room which is next to her daughter’s.

“Is she yours?” Sebastian asked softly, he had no idea cecilia had a daughter, and from the looks of it he knew that Charles also had no idea.

“Yeah, Nathalie, say hi.” The young girl refused and hid her head in her mother’s hair.

“She looks so much like you.” Sebastian said with a smile, he could see the worried look on her face, he instantly knew this is the reason the girl disappeared for a year and a half.

“That’s why you took time off.” Charles concluded, saying what Sebastian was thinking, Nathalie is a spitting image of her mother, a mini her, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, the eyes are something the Hannsons all had, a family trait. “How old is she?”

“Nattie, why don’t you tell them how old you are?” cecilia tried to prompt her daughter softly, the young girl looked at her mother, seeing them looking at each other, they couldn't spot anything that wasn’t cecilia, Cecilia is looking at a younger version of herself. “Come on, mon ange, you always see them on the telly.”

“I’m three.” The little girl looking at them and holding her four fingers out, Cecilia laughed and pushed one finger down, kissing her cheek.

“Such a big girl.” Sebastian told her with a grin on his face, making Nathalie grin at him, she’s at the age where she doesn’t like to be babied, and loved to act a little older, wanting to be independent. But at the end of the night all she wanted was to snuggle and sleep with her mum. “Did you eat?”

“No, I wanted to eat with maman.”

“Come on, let’s get into my room where we can talk, privately.” Cecilia followed the two males silently into Sebastian’s room, Cecilia sat on the sofa and Nathalia got out of her arms and started wandering around, her curiosity getting over her shyness. As the males sat down everyone made sure they could still see Nat.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Charles asked, he didn’t want to sound like he was angry or betrayed even if he was feeling a little sad his friend didn’t trust him enough to tell him she has a daughter.

“It’s a decision that my family and I took when I decided to keep her, and still continue racing, I was barely 18 when I had her, I got pregnant when I was 17, and it was a hard time, my family gave me the all the choices and told me they’d stand by me no matter what. But when I told them I wanted to race there were some things that we agreed upon.”

“Being the only female isn’t easy, people were already talking, brining a baby into it would’ve just pushed it more.” Sebastian added before Cecilia continued, again he understood her reasoning. He saw tears in her eyes a couple times when she was hounded and booed, she looks strong and unbothered on the outside but when she’s alone she lets her tears out, the one time she had a podium this year was just filled with boos and hate.

“Yes, and I couldn’t just tell anyone, I was hiding her, but if people started to find out then they found out, but I wasn’t going to parade her around. A couple of people at Mclaren know, and I think Lewis knows.” Cecilia ran her hand through her hair pushing it out of her face.

“Lewis knows?” Charles was surprised by that, yes Cecilia and Lewis weren’t enemies, but they weren’t close, not close enough for him to know and for Charles to not know.

“I think he does, you know he lives close to me and my family, he saw us once in Monaco.” Cecilia explained.

“He didn’t say anything?” Seb asked knowing that if Lewis knew he wouldn’t say anything to anyone anyway, you can trust Lewis with your secrets.

“No, never asked either, but I’m 99 percent sure he knows.” Cecilia said and smiled at Nathalie who came over saying she’s hungry. The group took a break and ordered food from room service, in the meantime Cecilia left her daughter with the two men and quickly went to her room getting her daughter’s plastic plate, utensils and cup, with a toy she can play with. By the time she was back Sebastian had Nathalie laughing so hard. Taking out her phone she took a quick video wanting to savour the moment. Nathalie looked up to Seb so much and for some reason seeing him with her daughter made her so happy, her role model with her daughter. Seb already had two children and another on the way, he knew how to handle kids.

Cecilia sat next to Charles leaving Seb to play with her daughter, Charles took Cecilia’s hand in his making her look at him, he was smiling at her, before he pulled her in for a hug. Thinking about how hard it must’ve been for her, having to choose and take all those decisions at only 17.

“Mathew?” He whispered and Cecilia nodded into his shoulder, she tried not to tear up, it’s been over three years, but out of her family she never talked about it with anyone, she doesn’t want to keep her daughter a secret, she wants to take her to races for her to see her mum race in real life and not just on screens.

“But he gave up all his rights, couldn’t even stay for her to be born, his name isn’t on her birth certificate.” Cecilia told him and he squeezed her tighter, if she had another family she would’ve been so lost, he’s thankful for the love her family has for each other.

“She doesn’t need him and neither do you, she has a family that loves her.” Charles told her, pulling back and smiling at his friend.

“And new uncles.” Seb added before tickling Nathalie, who just laughed her heart out.

The food came and as Cecilia ate she helped her daughter and answered all the questions the two had for her, ranging from does Nat travel everywhere with her, to how hard she had to train to be able to get back in shape after the pregnancy.

2019 (Lando, Pierre, Alex)

The end of the first half of the season, summer break. Most drivers went back home to begin their time off. Not all drivers though. Before everyone heads home, some of the drivers decided to spend a few days in Monaco to party and live it up before they returned home. Of course those already living in Monaco were already there.

A yacht was rented for the group to have a semi-private time together and let loose, the drivers made a group chat and agreed on a time and date to meet up and just party, all plus ones and close friends invited. Charles had Lando, Pierre and Alex at his house for a pre-party hangout.

Cecilia made her way to Charles’ house first in her Mclaren, one of the guys would be riding with her on the way there, she planned not to drink, knowing she had to be sober for her plans with Nathalie the day after. Her mum told her to postpone her outing with Nattie to have a night out and drink and live like everyone her age, Cecilia wasn't like everyone her age, she has a daughter she has to think about. To Cecilia, Nathalie always came first.

It didn't take her long to reach Charles’ building, before she made her way up, having already been there a few times before. Ringing the doorbell once, the door swung open and Pierre was standing there with a drink already in his hand. An amused Cecilia raised her eyebrow.

“Cecilia!” Pierre greeted dragging the ‘a’ a little, looks like the drink in his hand wasn’t his first one.

“Piereeeee.” Cecilia exaggerated before she invited herself in, seeing as the Frenchman wasn’t moving. Making it to the living room, Cecilia saw her teammate sitting with a beer in his hand, Alex and Charles talking about something. “Looks like you lot are already having fun.”

“Cece, you’re late.” Lando told the older girl, with a little whine.

“I’m not, I came on time like we agreed.” The girl said looking at her phone.

“You left me with them, you’re my teammate, you're supposed to help me.” Lando fake whined making Cecilia laugh as she sat next to him. “When are we leaving anyway?”

“Daniel said the yacht will move in an hour or so.” Alex told the group.

The group decided to leave in 40 minutes or so, Charles’ girlfriend was on her way anyways. 20 minutes in, Cecilia’s phone rang while she was in the bathroom.

“Cece, your phone’s ringing!” Charles called for his friend, standing outside the bathroom door. “It’s your mum.”

“Answer for me please, I'll be out in a minute.” The female called trying to finish her business faster to get out. She heard Charles talking to her mum in french, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. Everyone in her family spoke French, Swedish and English as main languages, with a few speaking more, but the baseline is those three languages. So it wasn’t weird for her to have Charles talking to her mum in their mother tongue.

Getting out of the bathroom after washing her hands, she found Charles in the kitchen with her phone looking worried and conflicted.

“What is it?” She asked, holding her hand out for her phone. “What did she want?”

“Uh, she wanted to tell you that Nathalie is sick.” He didn't know how to tell her without scaring her, he thought about saying it in other ways, but how do you tell a mother that their child is ill without scaring them, you simply can’t.

“Sick? How sick, I was just there.” Cecilia asked, already moving, Charles followed after her. He cursed himself once he saw the look on her face, she’s imagining the worse.

“She said it wasn't serious, she just threw up and complained about her stomach.” Charles explained, the others looked at the duo, Lando and Alex having no idea what the other two were saying only knowing a few french words but nowhere near the amount they'll need to understand the fast and panicked French, Pierre who got what they were saying had no idea who they were talking about.

“That’s serious, I’m sorry but I have to go.” She got her bag and turned to leave, her hands were shaking and her heart beating in her chest so fast she wondered if anyone could hear it.

“Wait, you’re panicking, you can’t drive like this.” Charles said, driving over the speed limit in streets like Monaco is dangerous even to people like motorsport drivers, driving fast is second nature, but not when you’re panicking.

“What do you expect me to do? She’s my daughter!” Pierre choked on air it seemed looking wide eyed at the blonde woman. “I’m getting there, move out of my way.”

“What’s going on?” Lando asked moving closer, he’s never seen either driver mad at each other, but Cecilia was shaking, tears were gathering in her eyes as she tried to push them away.

“Fuck, fuck.” Cecilia cursed noticing how much she’s shaking, no way she could drive right now, Charles is right. She looked at Lando. “I uh, I have a daughter, who is sick right now, i have to go.”

“I’ll drive you.” Charles offred being the only one who didn’t drink. “Come on.”

He pulled her by her shoulder leaving the rest of the drivers shocked. Charles and Cecilia left, leaving the other three to put the pieces together, Pierre telling them what he heard in French and like those before them they started connecting the dots, the reason she took time off. Lando being her teammate, looking back now there were hints, but without context he wouldn't have got it.

A bracelet with Maman, flashes of pictures when she was showing him something on her phone, lots of I love you darling and what not, but he thought maybe she was dating someone, he’s seen her mother in their hotels but she doesn't always come to the track. A woman who can guess now is a nanny who’d come up to talk to Cecilia and leave. So many hints, but damn Cecilia hid it well.

“Who do you think the dad is?” Alex asked after they came to a few theories and conclusions, waiting for Charles to come back.

“Must be that asshole Mathew, they dated when we were racing years ago and continued until I'm guessing she got pregnant.” Pierre said, none of Cecilia’s friends ever liked Mathew.

“Who?” Lando asked, he had no idea who they were talking about, him and Cecilia didn’t really get close before F1, she was always in the groups above him.

“An asshole Cece dated for a while, filthy rich, a couple of years older, was taking over daddy’s job and wouldn't shut up about it.” Pierre informed Lando. “Cecilia’s also very rich but you don’t see her walking around throwing it in everyone’s face, don’t know who he was showing off to.”

“He used to stay in Monaco a lot, but from his Instagram I haven't seen him here in years, his Instagram was once filled with pictures of him and Cecilia but one day everything was gone, I thought that meant they broke up.” Alex said, frowning.

“Me too, she too deleted all their pictures, before she went MIA.”

They talked for a bit more before Charles came back, and filled in the gaps given permission by Cecilia and made them swear not to tell anyone, giving Pierre a look. They swore to keep it a secret, if this came out it would hurt their friend, the backlash could be carrier altering.

They got ready to leave Charles’ girlfriends texted that she’ll meet them there. One the way they got a call from Cecilia telling them(charles) that Cecilia is okay, she just ate something that didn't agree with her stomach. Lando shouted that he wanted to meet his niece before he went back to London, Cecilia laughed and told him to come over whenever. Pierre and Alex also invited themselves, making Cecilia laugh again, shaking her head at her friends who couldn't see her.

With a final ‘have fun’, she hung up.

Late 2019 (Max)

By this time in 2019 Daniel and Carlos also knew about Nathalie, they haven’t met her, seen pictures but they knew about her. With it being Monaco Grand Prix weekend, and under the reassurance of her family and friends mixed with her daughter’s pouty face and big eyes, Cecilia decided to let her daughter come to the race. She’d come in with her mum from the back entrance, with the help of Mclaren they were able to get in undetected. They were there since early morning, Nattie met Daniel and Carlos, they were mesmerised by the little girl, Charles once again was saying to anyone and everyone(that knows about Nattie) that he’s her favourite and he had a reason to say that, proud uncle.

Cecilia’s mum stayed with the girl in the drivers room whenever they saw any cameras coming around, Nathalie had a little nap before they went to watch the race from the hospitality.

It was race day, everyone was buzzing, Cecilia was starting fourth, not bad. She didn’t just want to win this race because it’s her home race but because her daughter was watching, and she looked so cute with the headphones she had on that muffled the sounds a little, the place is noisy as hell.

Starting the race, Cecilia had Max, Lewis and Charles ahead of her with Seb just behind her. The Monaco race is always a fan favourite, Cecilia knows this track like she knew the back of her hand, she ran it and drove through it, she can find her way around with her eyes blindfolded. This may be the reason she was able to get to second place, taking over Charles, before she took over Lewis. Cecilia was just thinking about how proud her daughter would be watching and knowing that her mum was the only woman in F1 and that she was beating all those men. When the race came to an end, she was back in third place, lewis having overtaken her in the final two laps but she had the fastest lap so that’s another point for her team.

Cecilia was grinning when she took off her helmet, happiness cursing through her, she wished she could win, but having a podium is something that she loved the feeling of, she’s becoming better and better with each race, and it’s evident in her scores. Mclaren are over the moon with her. She celebrated with her team, before she got weighted and interviewed.

After the celebrations and more interviews, the venue started emptying. Cecilia saw her daughter for a few minutes before she was rushed for a quick meeting. By the time she was done, most of the place was empty; a few teams were still present, also doing meetings or last checkups and whatnot.

“Maman, where's Nattie?” Cecilia asked her mother, seeing her sitting alone. The small room made her feel a little claustrophobic after a long time.

“She is napping in your room.” Going to her room to take her daughter home, she opened the door and saw the small blanket Nattie couldn't sleep without but she wasn’t there, there wasn't any place for the girl to hide in, but Cecilia still looked everywhere, with each passing minute she started to panic.

“Maman! She isn’t here.” Cecilia called to her mother who was talking with Lando now, both looked as panicked as her when they heard her words. “Start looking around, if you find her, call me.”

“I’ll tell the others!” Lando called as both him and Cecilia left the Mclaren garage, they went opposite ways, while Cecilia's mum started looking in all the small spots Nathalie could’ve gone to in the garage. Cecilia called for Nattie as she walked/ran, her eyes taking in everything as much as she could. Managing to take out her phone and call Charles while still looking around.

“Hey are you-”

“Is Nattie with you?” She cut him off, he could hear the urgency in her voice, frowning.

“No, I’m with Seb, we'll look for her.”

“Okay my mum and Lando are also looking, call me.”

“Okay.”

Coming up on RedBull’s garage, it looked empty, but Cecilia wasn’t leaving a place where she didn’t look. She crouched as she tried to see if the tiny human she gave birth to was anywhere. “Damn it Nattie, where are you?”

Standing up she was about to leave when she heard talking, walking in more, she was going to walk where none RedBull personnel were allowed, and at this moment she didn't care. And it’s a good thing she did, rounding the corner where her daughter was, in her orange Mclaren shirt and a RedBull(?) hat, in the arms of today’s winner, Max Verstappen himself.

Her daughter is okay, and looked like she was having the time of her life talking to Max. quickly texting her mum and Lando that she found her, before she made her presence known.

“Nathalie! Where were you?” Walking up to the due, once she was in range her girl leaned over and Cecilia easily took her form Max. “You scared me so much.”

“I’m sorry Maman.” She whispered not looking sorry at all, looking up at Max she found herself tearing up, she only just held herself together to find her girl, now letting a little bit of the panic she was feeling get to her, she couldn't help it.

“It’s okay, I found her walking by the garage and she said she wanted a hat like mine.” Max explained(maxplained) trying to calm the almost crying mother, he found out from Nathalie that her mum is Cecilia and he could see the resemblance loud and clear. “I came back here to give her one, before taking her back to Mclaren.”

“Thank you.” Cecilia said letting a few tears slip out of her eyes, Nattie seeing the tears on her mother’s face also started crying, Max instinctively just pulled the mother daughter due in his arms. He doesn't know why he did it, but it felt like the right thing to do, he felt one of Cecilia’s hands grab his RedBull shirt tightly and her hand was shaking.

“She was telling me how her mum was on the podium, how she was the only girl racing.” Max said to Cecilia, trying to lift up her mood a little, pulling back a little, Cecilia gave her daughter a teary smile. Max whipped Nattie tears.

“I’m okay baby, don’t cry.” Cecilia told her girl softly.

“Mum was just worried about you.” Max said in a tone Cecilia hadn’t heard out of the man before. Yes they’ve grown closer as drivers/friends, their relationship is different from the one they’ve had before, but Max is no Charles or Pierre, they aren’t as close as she is with them.

“Yes, mon ange, you have to be careful, you have to tell me or grand-mère where you’re going.” Cecilia said softly, pushing Nattie’s hair behind her ear, the hat on her head far too big for her.

“I’m sorry momie.”

“It’s okay baby.” Cecilia said and placed Nathalie on the floor, holding her hand. She turned to look at Max, she didn’t ask him because he might’ve not agreed, but she hugged him with one arm around the neck, yes he gave her a hug but she was crying. “Thank you so much Max, I was going out of my mind.”

Max placed one of his hands around her waist and the other one landed on top of Nathalie’s head in a comforting manner.

“It’s okay, I was just about to go find you.” He told her they were talking so low, Nathalie couldn't pick up on what they were saying.

“I owe you one.” Cecilia said and pulled back the hand he had around her took a few seconds before it dropped as well.

“Well, I’ll hold you onto that.” He cheekily replied, making Cecilia smile and nod her head.

“Whatever you want.”

“I call first dibs on babysitting duties, I mean not a lot of racers in Monaco.” He shrugged. “And Nathalie said she wanted to see who won today, so she may have to see me a lot.”

“We’ll see about that, I might just start winning.” Cecilia joked with the other driver, they held eye contact for a moment, shades of blue meeting in a stare they couldn't decipher yet, Cecilia’s phone rang breaking them from their moment, she fished it out of her pocket answering once she saw Charles’ name. Telling him she was at RedBull and that she’s coming, ending the call quickly. She gave Max another grateful look. “I’ll owe you another one, if you could just keep Nattie a secret.”

“You don’t have to owe me for that one, I wasn't planning on it.” telling thank you again Nat and Cecilia left for Mclaren where Charles, Seb, Lando, Danny and her mum were waiting, Pierre had to leave once he knew that they found Nattie.

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