#currently stuck in a loop of wanting to draw something for myself

[anitoshka]

i have so much stuff i want to finish rn <_< wip character concepts for sci-fi setting

#thought it would be useful for me to stop being afraid to share unfinished works :т #currently stuck in a loop of wanting to draw something for myself #but every time i get around to doing it i somehow end up back to fumbling with character designs x_x #someday i'll finish at least one fandom illustration for myself...... someday................. #oc #original character #wip #sci-fi #leslie #zero #eight #hazel #guy

[hillbillyoracle]

How to Create Downtime Menus

As a lot of my posts are, this one was inspired by a conversation with my partner. She seemed to think some of my ideas were helpful so I thought I'd write them up and share them here.

I use a combination of these ideas to do two things - redirect myself when I get stuck doomscrolling/freezing/obsessing and redirect myself when I'm stuck on the "must be good, must be productive" hamster wheel and can't seem to stop doing chores until I'm fucking exhausted or have pushed/hurt myself. Knowing you need to stop is one thing - knowing what to do instead is another.

Not all of these will work for every person at every time. Pick one or two that seem interesting and give them a whirl.

Habit of the Month

This is a small habit I can do in about 5-10 minutes a day. These are sometimes habits that I want to audition for my lineup or just want to focus on as a way of rebooting a given area of my life. Physical habits have been things like stretching, a walk, putting on moisturizer, drinking water, making tea, etc. Emotional habits have been things like stream of consciousness journaling, bullet journaling, recording myself venting, etc. Spiritual habits have been things like meditating, altar work, reading sutras, tarot readings, etc.

If I'm stuck in a loop and I haven't done that task yet, it serves as an easy win that feels moderately meaningful to accomplish. This is easier to do than longer or less interesting tasks.

Side Quests

These are little challenges I'd like to accomplish that are 100% fun and completely optional. They are specific and can me completed within a given time frame - usually a month. They usually aren't the most meaningful to keep them more fun and so I'm not letting myself down if I don't opt to complete it.

They've been things like:

The Minor Expert Challenge - read three books in one subject

The Kanopy Critic Challenge - use up all of my Kanopy credits that month

The Regal Freegal Challenge - download all the albums/songs I can on Freegal that month

The Monthly Playlist Challenge - create a playlist of the month where each song represents something about each day of that month; like a playlist diary

The Reverse Tarot Draw Challenge - pick/list a tarot card you best think represents each day of a given month or other time period; like a tarot card diary

The 100 Words Challenge - learn 100 words in a foreign language

As you can see, I prefer things that are pretty low energy friendly so I can work on them on days I'm super tired. Just little chronic illness things.

Alphabet Lists

I use these for my cleaning routines actually but I also have been trying them with my downtime. The way it works is you list out the alphabet and choose one self care or hobby task you'd like to do for each. They don't have to start with the same letter, it just serves as an easy way to limit how many you pick and keep track of what you've done. It's satisfying to cross off the whole list.

Tasks I put on these are things like

A - paint my nails

B - crochet a charity hat

C - write 5 letters for Letters Against Isolation

D - send a letter to a friend

E - play a solo rpg

F - play a solo board game

G - complete a puzzle

etc

They're fun tasks I'm not currently doing as often as I'd like but chill enough that it doesn't matter when precisely I do them more often. I try to pick tasks that are roughly 30 minutes to an hour long though some definitely take longer. I like to complete these roughly monthly but I try to complete a whole list before I start it again. Anything I just did not feel like doing and kept skipping gets scratched out and I rewrite a new list with new item to replace those. And I start again.

Whenever I'm like ugh I don't know what to do with myself, I try to pick at least one thing on the list and give it a try for 5 minutes. If I don't like it after that I can just put it away and pick something else.

10x10

10x10 lists are a different take on a similar idea. It's a list of 10 things you'd like to do at least 10 times in a given time period. Mine tend to be on the seasonal or annual timescale but maybe you're intense and prefer a monthly one. If I don't complete them in a given time period, I just continue with it until I'm done. Better to complete it on an altered timeline than not at all.

For me these tend to be slightly bigger tasks that take a little more planning or energy. I'm not totally sure why I use them this way since you could definitely use them for smaller tasks but that's just the space they occupy for me.

So examples of what would be on my list would be things like:

Grab a hot chocolate from the coffee shop (x10)

Complete a PokemonGo event (x10)

Have a spa night and watch a movie (x10)

Do something extra nice for my partner (x10)

Try a new game (x10)

Find a geocache (x10)

etc

Filing up a little 10x10 grid is pretty satisfying. Much more so than anxietying myself into my bed for the equivalent amount of time.

Seasonal Bucket Lists

I really enjoy making these though I really struggle with the current season (Spring) given my allergies. There's this idea my partner has told me about in DBT where you try to recall positive moments to help "build a life worth living". I think seasonal bucket lists are really good at helping with this for me. I look back on the seasons I made these lists way more fondly than the ones I didn't.

They generally center on seasonal activities I don't want to miss out on. So for summer that's stuff like going for a night swim/skinny dip, getting 5-10 good cloud photos, playing a yard game (like cornhole), seeing a street concert, etc. I also try to take pictures of those (if they don't already involve them) so I can reflect on them later and enjoy the residual happiness.

Conclusion

The point of these isn't to overwhelm you with options. It's just to have enough ideas prepped that you can find something no matter your energy level or time you're working with.

Remember - rest and enjoying yourself is necessary for human health. Folks how get good rest and experience flow states more regularly tend to heal better. People who spend time on what they enjoy are often more enjoyable to be around.

It's never a waste of time to make yourself happy.

#life advice #adhd #love a good list

[vryfmi]

Talk Shop Tuesday! What's your dream project(s)? If you could get it exactly from what you picture in your head to out in the world, what would that look like? (Bonus question, I'm always so impressed with the breadth of your art skills, what happens when you're faced with something new and challenging?)

[looks at 3+ hour playlist] oh, music i want to animate to, we're really in it now i like music and i like visual storytelling, it's only natural i daydream of what visuals would fit perfectly to those songs that i strongly associate with certain story or character(s)

currently my brain plays four different scenarios for tosab on a loop because a certain someone reignited my love for the series, and having a playlist helps me sort of cling to those vibes that i had after my first read through and not get immediate bored of them. maybe during summer break i'll get around to the least ambitious one and we'll see where it goes apart from tosab i cant stop thinking of full retelling of the ring of solomon to hunger of the pine by alt-j. if only there was a mind projector. there are other fandoms of course but these have been on my mind for ages now

and for the second question. i tend to set very high goals for myself and it leads to big challenges for which i can only blame myself. so obviously i gather a ton of references for whatever thing that im not super familiar with. whether its a specific location, tricks for rendering or just the very specific pose (shout out to stock images). then i find how to cut corners. i don't have a super realistic artstyle so its a lot easier to make exaggerations look a bit more believable. sometimes challenge can be fun on itself and the end result is the biggest reward. if drawing starts to annoy me or i feel stuck thats where i take a break or abandon piece all together. it sucks but i already have things to stress about

#your questions are always so fun and deep cutting thank you! #i know im being vague about it but i genuenly have no idea how to describe something visual that isnt there in any form yet #maybe one day but i dont want to jinx it #talk shop tuesday #inbox #.mypost

[just-my-fandom]

I like the hc on being for the Ninjas dating another ninjas sister who’s their soulmate, Could do one where reader (Lloyd’s older sister) Has been dating cole for a bit in secret and Lloyd and Garmadon find out and become overprotective ( I am so sorry I just love the overprotective dad and/or brother trope)

Boo (Cole Brookstone x Garmadon! Reader)

A/N; I stuck with the powers the reader has in this headcannon. I’m currently only writing for Ninjago, the Umbrella Academy, and Stranger Things, so send them in.

Summary; When the Ninja join the Tournament of Elements, Cole and the reader are forced to fight one another. Cole risking himself already raises suspicion to Lloyd and Garmadon, but it isn’t until they confront the reader before they find out the truth.

Also side note, Rest In Peace to Kirby Morrow who voiced Cole.

“THIS whole thing is so stupid,” You drop your tray onto the table seated with four men, settling next to your father and sensei, Garmadon,

“Hey, their foods great though,” Kai speaks up from across you, seated between Cole and your younger brother, Lloyd,

“Take it,” You mutter, pushing your tray to the hot head before resting your elbows on the table,

“You can’t be skipping meals, Y/N,” Garmadon states, dragging the tray back in front of you so you glanced and glared at him, “You never know when you’ll have to fight,”

“Hopefully never,” You spit, Garmadon raising his eyebrows at your tone, “Come on, dad. We’ve already had four rounds and none of us had to fight. Face it, Chen just wants us here for his enjoyment. He doesn’t want to lose any of us,”

“Me and you are seeing a completely different story here, Y/N/N,” Jay peers over the booth across from you, eyes squinting, “I want to fight. You just know you’ll loose,”

“Want happened to encouragement on the team?” Lloyd asks, looking up at Jay,

“Ehem!” A sharp cough through the speakers above cause everyone’s gaze to shift, “Ehem! Ladies and gents, it’s time for round five!”

“Oh come on,” Kai pouts at his food, poking at the chicken and dumplings,

“Would the following Masters please make their way to their assigned arena; Speed, Gravity, Nature, Mind-,”

“I told you,” You glare up at Jay.

“And our last two, Earth and Natural Occurances!”

Your eyes snap over to Cole, who nearly dropped his fork at the mention of his element, “Remember!” Chen laughs, “Only one can remain,”

“IM not fighting you, Cole!” You turn to stare at the black ninja, arms out in alarm before they raise to your hair, “Oh, God, what if he knows? What if he set this up on purpose and tells my dad-,”

“No one knows, Y/N,” Cole instantly steps up to put his hands at your wrists, pulling them down from your hair, “We just gotta do what Chen tells us to do, and we’ll both make it out,”

“Only one remains,” You remind, “One of us has to take the fall,”

“Easy,” Cole shrugs, your brows pinching, “You grab the blade as soon as it starts. You continue on,”

“No,” You shake your head, “That’s not how this works. Give yourself up instantly and they’ll know,”

“Well I’m not letting you take that fall, princess,” Cole pulls back, when Garmadon knocks and hastily steps in,

“You two ready?”

“IM not fighting you,” You repeat your earlier statement, hands clenched as you and Cole stood feet apart in the arena, every elemental master watching above.

“We can draw it out until they call it a tie,” Cole reassures, not loud enough to where Chen could hear, “Quick- attack me, but not too hard,”

You clench your jaw, throwing a hand out so a small tornado formed and threw itself at your secret boyfriend, knocking him off his feet and into the stone wall behind him,

You flinch behind your mask, stomping a foot down so the earth cracked, where Cole jumps to the side, tossing a wall of rocks in your direction.

“I’m bored!” You hear Chen whine, “Release the Condrai Crushers!”

Your eyes snap to the side, yelping when three vehicles roll out of the tunnels in the wall, one zooming straight for you.

You feel Coles arm loop around your waist, tugging you to the side before his back presses to yours, watching the vehicles surround you. “I got your back,”

“I got yours,” You murmur, hand grazing his before you lunge forward, throwing your arms up so the earth raised into a ramp, the first vehicle leaping off said ramp and ramming into the stone wall,

Cole dodges the next vechile, lunging towards the third to drop a pile of rocks over top of the driver, causing him, too, to crash into the wall.

You huff out a relieved breath and high five Cole, grasping his hand with a smile beneath your mask,

“Enough!” Chen shrieks, so you released Coles hand and turned to Chen, “I know what you’re trying to do. And if neither of you will win, you will both loose!”

You watch in alarm as the ground began to drop in small holes, your feet moving backwards and into Cole, his hands at your hips in alert,

You jump to the side when the floor gives out beneath you, stumbling as you are left surrounded by darkness, eyes looking up at the blade at the top of the post,

“Chen’s right!” Cole calls, as you look to him, “One of us has to be win!”

“And it’ll be you!” You shout back, finger pointed, “Get the blade, Cole. I’ll be fine!”

Cole rushes up the post as you look down at your wobbling knees, Cole jumping down onto a stone still intact, tossing the blade so it hit flat against your chest, your hands stumbling to catch it.

“Winner!” Chen calls, as your eyes snap up to Cole, shocked, “Loser!”

“Cole-!” You lunge forward onto the next stone, barely catching yourself as the floor gave out beneath Cole, dropping him into the darkness below,

You clench your jaw and glare up at Chen, chucking the blade across the arena so it slid off the stones, into the pit beneath.

“YOU seemed really distressed during that battle,”

Your eyes flick up from your food, your fork jabbed into the noodles you received. Garmadon raises an eyebrow, and you look back down at your plate.

“What, am I not allowed to care about my friend?”

“Not with how touchy Cole had been,” Lloyd sits down, eyes squinted, “What’s going on between you two? We both know if you had to go up against Kai or Jay you would have been fine with them giving themselves up,”

“Nothing is going on between us, Lloyd,” You snap, gaze hard, “Coles my best friend. We don’t know what happens when we loose, I didn’t want him to get hurt,”

“Y/N, I read you like an open book,” Your fathers tone softens, leaning forward, “Why didn’t you just tell me sooner?”

“Tell you what?” Kai cuts, and you drop your fork, pushing your plate forward,

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” You ask, harshly, Garmadon frowning, “Nothing is going on between Cole and I. And if there was I wouldn’t tell you because I know how you both get,” You gaze shifts to Lloyd, before you slide out of the booth, hands clenched to stop the earthquake at the tips of your fingers.

“I got her,” Garmadon states, Lloyd and Kai sharing glances as Garmadon followed his oldest daughter.

YOUR hand wipes away the blue in your eye, hearing your fathers footsteps behind you, “Why are you following me?”

“How long?” Garmadon avoids, your arms crossing as you stopped, turning to face him with your head ducked,

“Almost a year,” You murmur, lifting your gaze to his,

“And why I am just now finding out?”

“Because you know how you are,” You squint, “Every boyfriend I had you scared away, and now that boys know who my brother is? They won’t even talk to me,” You hiss, shoulders dropping, “Cole is the only one who I seem to be able to control my powers around. I’m scared that without him here I’m going to accidentally kill someone with my powers,”

“You’ve trained,” Garmadon responds, your eyes rolling.

“Yeah, but I have your anger from when you were Lord Garmadon,”

You miss Garmadons flinch, but hear his sigh, “I just wished you told me,”

“I told mom,” You shrug, “She seems to enjoy the fact that I keep my relationship to myself. Guess that’s out of the box,”

“I won’t say anything to your teammates if that’s what you’re worried about,” Garmadon reassures, watching your fists release, as your brows,

“Thanks, dad,” You murmur, Garmadon smiling as he nods his head towards the dining area, hands behind his back.

“COLE!”

The Master of Earth turns away from helping Garmadon to his feet, stumbling back upon another figure ramming into him, mind quick to realize it was you,

“Whoa,” Cole laughs, weakly, eyes glancing at Garmadon before his arms wrap at your waist, “Dont worry. I’m fine,”

“You’re such an ass,” You lean back to hit his chest, hands then sliding to hold his face, “Dont do that again,”

“No promises,” Cole murmurs, looking over at Lloyd’s alarmed- “I knew it!”

Your hands drop as Lloyd points an accusing finger, Garmadon chuckling, “I knew something was going on between you two!”

“You’re just now realizing that?” Kai asks, so you spun to look at him, alarmed, “Oh don’t give me that look. You guys suck at keeping quiet at night,”

“Do what?” Garmadons smile drops into a scowl, your eyes widening as you take Coles hand,

“This is our cue to leave. We’ll meet you at the docks, guys,”

Lloyd crosses his arms, eyes squinting to his father, “Did you know about this?”

“Why do you sound like the father here?” Garmadon questions, side glancing his son, “Of course I knew. But go easy of them,”

“What?” Lloyd slacks, “Why?”

“An instinct,” Garmadons hands link behind his back, stepping forward to follow after you, “I have a feeling they’re good for each other,”

#cole brookstone imagine #cole brookstone x reader #cole brookstone #Cole brookstone one shot #lloyd garmadon imagine #ninjago lloyd x reader #lloyd garmadon x reader #lloyd garmadon #lord garmadon #Garmadon #ninjago #ninjago x reader #ninjago imagine #ninjago one shot

[facultyloungecosplay]

crisis anon-i'm really worried about college. I've been told that nothing is set in stone and i know that's true but it's so hard to imagine what to do with my life. The only thing i'm passionate about is art but i don't feel particularly good at it and it never has a deeper meaning than drawing characters that i like. i know i need to improve before i can make it into an art school but can barely find the time to draw let alone do studies that will specifically help me improve. i feel like im stuck in a loop and don't know what to tell myself without spiraling. i'm not a bad student, there are other things i could do and keep art as a hobby but i don't want to be stuck doing something i'll be miserable in

Good morning, Crisis Anon.

The good news is that I can, as someone inching ever closer to A Certain Age, confirm that nothing is set in stone. I find at 35 I have considerably more idea of who I am and what I want than I did at 25, and that perhaps College Freshman Oz was something of a naïve idiot. But that’s really not the case. The thing is, as with all skills, Life Itself takes time and practice to get right. Freshman Oz did the best he could at the time, and he did some rather amazing things! Some things, mistakes I poignantly can see now as being a mistake, are just that. Decisions made hastily, or in worry, or by simply not listening to myself.

And that’s where I try to keep my mistakes – in the past. As someone who has been in your shoes – uncertain of what I wanted to do with my life – I too have had sleepless nights panicked about whether my college career was where it needed to be. Did I choose the right major? Did I choose the right emphasis in my major?

But I have more good news: it’s so easy to change majors. It’s easy to change your mind. I must have gone to my college’s admissions building half a dozen times in six years (because I chose to double-major, eventually) and filled out the form to adjust my path (this was before computers streamlined the process, Lord help me). I chose a major that would Pay Well, that I had reasonable interest in. I also chose a major based on sheer passion. Today, and every day in my current life, I use my degree born of passion.

But that’s not how it started, anon. I worked myself into a degree I didn’t necessarily want, because it was Expected of me and Pays Well. If I’m perfectly honest, it was a mistake. A pretty big one. College Oz didn't see that for a lot of reasons, and that's okay. It was, at the time, a good decision made for good reasons, and for other reasons, simply didn't work out for me.

And now, nearing A Certain Age, I’m starting over in a lot of ways, but for the first time in a long while, I feel like I truly see what my path is. (At least, I hope it’s mine!) It’s okay if you don’t see your way yet. A good amount of us go to college, get a degree, and stumble into amazing careers that may have nothing to do with your studies. Nothing is set in stone.

This isn’t to say it’s easy, or something irrational to worry about. It’s perfectly rational. But it’s not permanent if you don’t want it to be. If you try a trendy new haircut and it looks awful, you’re allowed to be disappointed. Take time to process, to grieve that what you wanted didn't work out. Those are valid feelings, and honoring them is healthy. There will be some awkwardness, sadness, some cringing in the mirror, before it grows back out and you try something else. But it will grow back. Mistakes are powerful things, anon. They can, if you let them, create powerful transitions in your life. They can clarify, teach, mature us. They are both an inevitable part of our lives, and often moments of extreme poignancy. But they aren't death sentences. Your choices now, while they may even strongly affect your future, won’t destroy your future. It's up to you to let your choices, good and bad, transform you.

In a lot of ways, college is defining for more than our career interests. A lot of us find ourselves there, or at least begin to. Being patient and kind with ourselves while we work that out is no small favor. Just because you've left high school and become an Adult doesn't mean you need to know everything now. It's okay not to know.

I can’t tell you what you need to do, and I shouldn’t. This is, after all, your life. While I look back and see vividly how I should have immediately pursued my passion career, I can’t say if that’s the future you want or need to be happy. What I can advise is this: jump into new and old interests of any sort. You’ll have your general education credits to do, and it’s a perfect time to see what clicks and what doesn’t. Take art classes even if you think you’re not good enough. Find a good faculty advisor and visit them often. Ask questions (as a former teacher, ask! there are absolutely no stupid questions). Focus on the immediate future – classes you’re considering for the next term, finding a balanced stride between studies and all else – and let the rest go, just for a little bit.

Don’t wear the whole weight of your future on your shoulders right now, anon. Don't put the pressure of being perfect on yourself. It's one of the cruelest things we do to ourselves while we're growing and learning. Future You will be able to handle that in time, and they’ll do a better job of it if you extend some kindness to yourself now.

#thanks for stopping by anon #I hope this assures you a little #and you're welcome to stop by anytime #ask the faculty lounge #Oz replies #Oz gives advice #anonymous #the best lesson I ever learned in life is that it's never too late for anything really

[ilguna]

Anteric - Chapter Nine (f.o)

summary: secrets have more worth than you gave them credit for.

warnings; swearing. MURDER PLOT, MURDER, SUICIDE MENTION SEVERAL TIMES.

wc; 9.3k

NOTES; I give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

The next four days follow the same nightmarish pattern of facing your fears early in the morning, and then wielding a gun or a knife in the evening. You think that Caspian and Laurel are really testing fate by allowing a group of unstable teenagers near anything dangerous. 

Sure, all of you have to be prepared to be able to wield a gun and defend yourselves in hard situations. But you wouldn’t say that it’s the brightest idea ever, too. You’re not entirely convinced that some of your fears correspond to shooting directly after. The only exception in this case, would be the one where you’ve watched Finnick die.

Despite all of this, you think that you’re beginning to get a hang of the fear-facing, to the point where you’ve managed to increase your time to five minutes. While everyone else works hard to make their time smaller and smaller, you’ve been trying to go against the current to make yourself look less suspicious.

You’ve figured that it’s easier to calm yourself down once you realize which fear you’re in. It’s only the four that repeat themselves, being buried alive, watching someone bleed out and die, and being trapped in an enclosed space with spiders. The easiest of them being buried alive, mainly because it’s not as hands-on.

You’re not forced to save someone, drowning in their blood as you try to cover wounds that will only become insignificant in the end. As more and more appear on the other’s body, screwing your focus and making you forget that you’re in a simulation. And you aren’t aware of the fact that you have to keep moving around for as long as you can without being covered in the spiders.

With the coffin, there’s no imminent danger, no real threat is hanging above you, besides the sure. Sure, you’re being buried alive, the dirt will eventually end up suffocating you. Yet, it’s not chaotic. You’re not fighting anything, you’re just forced to sit in darkness, feign some fright for a while, and then you’re free. If you were being buried without the coffin, that might be a different story. But that isn’t your fear, the coffin is a detail for a reason.

The others don’t seem to be as lucky as you are. They’re stuck in the same loop of facing their fears, and not knowing what to do after. At least you can say that your nightmares aren’t making your skin crawl anymore. For them, they shake when someone asks what they’ve gone through, and wake up screaming at night.

However, there are a few of you who are outshining the others. And it seems to be the people who hadn’t done too well during the first stage of initiation that’re getting the hang of this one. Which is a shame, because their progress isn’t really going to pay off until the final stage, when they beat the rest.

The few that you’ve noticed are Sydney, Nestor and Cass. They act a little differently than the others do. Sydney and Nestor have always been laid back. You can’t really say the same for Cass, since you don’t know her as well. But they definitely have a different attitude when they go into the room, compared to someone like Thyme.

Then there are the people who are naturally good or bad at the simulations, and it’s typically hard to tell which is which. Like Laurel told you, your friends are close to the twenty minute range, and as far as you know, you’re the only outlier. You can always time people on your watch, but it’s not the same, not really.

Anyway, it’s been about four days since you’ve so much as glanced at Finnick in front of Thyme. It was a smart move to make, because she might have started off stiff, but she’s officially cooled down. She’ll still glare at you occasionally, then again she was doing that before the party, so it’s not a surprise or a change of routine.

Because of that, the only times you’ve gotten to talk to Finnick was in bits and pieces when Thyme wasn’t around. Which was practically never, considering that she attached to him like a parasite and doesn’t let go. You’d hardly be able to get a full sentence in before she came around again. Laurel wasn’t much help either, she didn’t give you any accidental golden chances either.

The more time passed, the more anxious you got over the fact that Finnick might have been thinking that you were backtracking. You were making no real effort to get alone time, not to mention you felt like your grasp was slipping. You said so yourself, you had Finnick in your hold. And leaving him with Thyme for four days all alone might change things.

In order to finally ease the stress that’s been eating away at you, you went ahead and sealed the leap of faith. It’s taken you four days to finally come to terms with the fact that you have to tell Finnick that you’re Divergent, whether you like it or not. You can tell yourself that it’s an unnecessary risk, and that he might already have some biased ideas somehow. But the truth is, you won’t know until you try.

A slight problem is you didn’t get to invite Finnick to the chasm before Laurel called you into the fear room. So, you had to ask Laurel for a favor, which was to call Finnick in next and send him through the second door in the room that will bring him to the dark hallway. It’ll be completely out of the way of Thyme, you won’t have to worry about accidentally running into her on the way to the chasm.

Fortunately for you, today you had to be locked in a coffin underground, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. You hope that the same goes for Finnick, because you really would like him to be in the right headspace before you go ahead and dump your biggest secret onto his shoulders. You don’t want it to end up being the last straw that does it.

You twist your wrist towards your face, making the watch light up in the hallway. If you’ve been tracking the time correctly, it’s coming in fifteen minutes. You should have another five to go, and even that might be an overestimation. 

You yawn, cracking your knuckles before getting to your feet. The last time you jumped out at Finnick from the wall, you scared him pretty bad, so you’re not entirely sure if there’s a way to get around it this time. There’s no lantern for you to steal from the wall, not that you’re sure if you’ll be able to do that, anyway.

About a minute or so later, the door finally opens. You emerge from the wall, standing off to the side of the hallway with your arms crossed. There’s just enough light from the room to light you up, so Finnick spots you easily. 

He has one hand reached up and placed over the spot where Laurel injects the serums. For a second, his eyebrows draw in like he’s confused, but then a smile slowly comes onto his face. You lean around Finnick to thank Laurel, she’s already holding a hand up, and then shoos you.

You hold out your hand for Finnick to take, and you watch as he takes it. You pull him along, he lets the door slip shut behind him with a gentle click. The hallway falls back into a pitch black, and you’re left to guide Finnick. You remember when it was the other way around, with you relying on him to warn you of where you step.

“What are we doing today?” he asks, “Another secret party?”

At the thought of your confession, an ache starts in your chest. If only it were something fun, “No, I think I’m going to tell you everything today.” With the exception of one thing, one little thing that doesn’t exactly have any connection to the blackmailing problem.

“Oh.” he says, you’re not sure you’d have anything to say in response to that, either.

The hallway finally splits into two, you head off to the right. It’s only a hundred or so more feet when you begin to hear the rushing water. You have to swallow to ease the growing tension in your throat. Finnick should be fine, you’ve known him a long time. He’ll give you a chance to explain yourself before judgement.

At least, you hope he will.

You let go of his hand in the doorway, continuing to your spot on your own. To the same place you stood last time you spoke to him. This time, you don’t lean against the railing. Knowing you, you’ll get caught up in the conversation and end up falling off backward.

Finnick resumes his spot across from you on the wall.

You have to remind yourself to take deep breaths, “I need you to listen all the way before you make any judgement calls, okay?”

You don’t want to look at him, this will be so much easier if you don’t look.

“Okay,” he agrees.

You know where to start, you’ve rehearsed this exact moment several times, thought up every single possibility. You found the best way to explain why, all you have to do is start speaking.

You swallow.

“It starts with the aptitude test,” you begin, eyes focused on the toe of your shoes. Is this too far back? No, it’s where the root lies, “Normally people get a straightforward result, but I got inconclusive.” you have to look at his face, it’s neutral besides his eyebrows, “Which means that I didn’t place for just one faction, I placed for three. Abnegation, Erudite and Dauntless.”

You pause for a moment, letting him process this. You feel like you’re speaking too slowly, he isn’t a baby. But this is new to him, right?

“How?” he asks, the confusion is setting in.

“Um,” you're hyper aware of your shaking hands, “Well, the choices in the aptitude test are supposed to eliminate a faction each stage. The cheese was for Amity, and the knife was for Dauntless. I chose the knife, so that’s a Dauntless oriented response. But I was vulnerable to the dog, which is Erudite thinking. Then I threw myself in front of the dog, bringing out Abnegation.

“Candor was ruled out when I didn’t tell the truth, and Erudite and Dauntless were brought up again when I posed some stupid question and stood up for myself. And technically it wasn’t a conditioned Abnegation response, either.” You lace your fingers together, “I hold equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless and Erudite. The term for it is Divergent.”

Now you hold your breath, watching the gears turn in his head. You’ll be patient, let him come to conclusions on his own. Maybe he’ll suddenly solve the Thyme problem on his own, only allowing you to fill the gaps. Maybe he won’t, and he’ll demand more information.

The silence is overwhelming, “My legal result is Abnegation.”

His eyes flicker to you, “Why do you say Divergent as if it’s a bad thing?”

You think you’ll cry, “Because I can be killed for it if people find out.” 

Finnick understands, you can tell by the way he goes rigid, “You’re not kidding?”

“No.” 

Please don’t start running. Please don’t have ill intentions. Please say that you’ll keep it a secret.

“Okay, I can understand why you’ve been like this,” he slumps slightly, a frown coming over his face.

You know what he’s thinking, “Finnick, don’t think that I don’t trust you,” you move forward a little, “I don’t…” you take another deep breath, “A lot of people know right now, and my worst nightmare has already happened.”

He’s still watching you, “Like what?”

A metallic taste spreads over your tongue, “You asked if Thyme said anything to me, and I said yes,” your throat is closing, “You remember that?”

He nods.

“Well, when our families came to visit, Mox and his small family came and visited me,” Finnick raises his eyebrows, he must’ve missed them, “Just before they left, Mox told me that Caspian knows I’m Divergent, and he’ll look out for me. Then he told me that these two stages of initiation are going to be easy, because of the way my brain works so I need to be careful not to get caught, whatever.

“I went to leave the area that we talked in, and Thyme had overheard everything.” Your eyes find Finnick’s face again.

And he is bright red, eyebrows turned down, “What did she say?”

“She said that if I don’t stay away from you, she’ll tell everyone I’m Divergent.”

He doesn’t move for a long moment, jawline becoming more obvious each time he grits his teeth. His eyes cast towards the path you have to take to get away from the chasm.

You feel like crying, this is the exact reaction you were looking for. Anger because the person that’s been playing sweetheart and hanging off his arm has secretly been blackmailing you for a week.

“Is that all?”

No.

“Yes.”

There’s something else that you need to tell him.

“Does she know that they’ll kill you for it?”

You shrug slightly, “It’s Thyme we’re talking about, do you really think she’d care about that?”

“Probably not.” he mumbles.

You scuff your shoe against the rocks, pressing your lips together. You should tell him, do it real quick to get it out of the way. You’ve already spoken about so much, what’s one more?

When you open your mouth, the words lodge themselves in your throat, refusing to move. You settle for sighing instead.

He catches this, raising his eyebrows, “What’s wrong? Is there something else?” 

Tell him.

“No, I told you everything.”

Finnick doesn’t lessen his gaze. 

Just tell him you like him.

You smile, he doesn’t smile back, continuing to wait.

You’ve told him so much already, what’s one more?

“Come on, (Y/n),”

What if he doesn’t feel the same?

Silence.

It’s a chance you have to take.

You clear your throat.

No, you’re going to ruin recently established peace.

“I just wanted to apologize for the final fight, is all.”

What a lie.

Finnick doesn’t believe you, he turns his head to the side a little.

You shrug again, “I didn’t want to bring it up because I don’t want to bring up things in the past if you aren’t bothered by them.” you play with your fingers, trying to figure where to go next. Then you realize that there is a problem that you left unsaid, “Ah, right, I remember now.

“Besides the obvious reason why I was mad at you, I realized something during the fight which made it a whole lot worse,” you rub the back of your neck, trying to ease the growing tension, “You--um--you see me as an equal, right? Cause for a second, I was convinced you thought of me as lesser and that doesn’t… sit right with me…”

Finnick’s got his eyebrows screwed in, “An equal?”

“Yeah, like we’re on the same level ground and I’m not in some ditch or whatever.”

His face twists, “I’m sorry, but shouldn’t this had been in the meaningless conversation the other day?”

You open your mouth, eyebrows in. Once he starts laughing, you snap your mouth shut.

“I’m kidding, of course we’re on the same page.” he grins, showing his teeth, “I mean, if we weren’t, we wouldn’t be friends, would we?”

You purse your lips, “I guess not.”

“You guess?” he laughs again, “Anyway, I don’t care about the fight. You won fair and square, even though you were definitely hyped up on adrenaline.”

You smile.

Finnick eyes the hallway for a moment, the humor slowly fading from his face, “So what are we going to do about Thyme?”

Your heart twists when you hear the word ‘we’, “There’s no real way to get her to shut up, Finnick. Unless we somehow make her get cut during stage three.” you clench your teeth, “All my ideas have been permanent and illegal.”

He nods, “I can see why.”

“It’s a lifelong thing she can hold over me.”

“You can always tell Caspian.”

“He already knows,” you lean your head back and watch as Finnick looks at you, “You know when you caught me that morning getting ready super early?”

Finnick nods.

“Yeah, well, the leaders of Dauntless and our trainers will eat breakfast way before everyone else so that they can discuss initiation and stuff. So I got Caspian away from them and told him about Thyme, and he said he can’t help me anymore because Thyme accused him of interfering so he really needs to back off.”

You crack a smile, “Actually, he told me that I should tell you the truth about everything and have you work with me to find some solution. The problem is that he can’t know what I want to do with her, and he told me not to be too brash but it’s not like I have a choice.”

“We,” Finnick corrects, “It’s not like we have a choice.”

You give him a soft smile, “Right, we.”

Finnick stretches, arms above his head, letting out a groan, “I’m going to go ahead and guess that your plan includes murder.”

“Honestly, it was my first thought when she made me agree to it on Visiting Day.”

“And I don’t really see any other option besides beating her up and throwing her to the streets, but she’ll just tell the factionless that you’re…” he doesn’t say the word, eyebrows furrowing, “...and that would be the end of it.”

“Yup.”

He makes a face, “We should probably think it over some more.”

“That works, I guess,” you check your watch, thirty minutes have passed since the beginning of the conversation, “Alright, you go ahead and go back, I’ll follow after you in a couple.”

“Sure,” he says.

You expect him to start into the hallway immediately, but he comes towards you instead. You lift your head from the wall, face twisting in confusion. He holds a hand out for you, you go ahead and take it, not entirely sure what he wants. Is he going to bring you somewhere?

No, he pulls you into him for a hug. His arms wrap around your back, underneath your arms. Immediately, your face feels like it’s on fire, heart pounding in your ears. It takes you a moment, but you hug him back, placing your ear against his chest, closing your eyes. The last time you hugged was before the Choosing Ceremony, when you weren’t sure if you’d see him ever again.

Your thought from earlier boomerangs back, much louder and begging this time for you to tell him that you have a crush on him. That you’ve had a crush on him for years, you just couldn’t say so before because of Abnegation ideals and how taboo a relationship is.

You can’t though. You’ve said too much today, told him everything on your list. This confession, the very last one, is not as significant as the rest. You can tell him some other time.

Finnick gives you a gentle squeeze, “Thank you for trusting me.” he murmurs.

You swallow the tightness in your throat, “I’ve always trusted you more than the rest.”

He moves away first, a smile on his face, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yeah.” Why are you dizzy all of a sudden?

He leaves now, all you can do is place your hands on your head, fingers interlaced as you turn to the railing. There’s tears in your eyes, and you don’t even realize it until they’re rolling down your cheeks. You sniff, and then huff out a laugh, bringing your hands back down to wipe them off.

You and Finnick are okay.

It’s a thought that keeps running through your head over the next hour. You’re okay, there’s no need to worry anymore. And he thinks that your problems are his again, it’s a good sign. The hug really topped it off, but it’s also the thing that broke you. He must’ve known that you needed one.

You loosely wander back to the dorm, having had enough of the chasm for one day. You’re more than sure that everyone is done facing their fears now, so it should be safe for you to come back without any suspicion. When you reach the door, you softly push against the wood and slip through the crack that’s barely big enough.

You expect to see everyone off in their usual corners, maybe a few people napping because the daytime is the only time when they can sleep anymore, maybe a few people missing. You’re pleasantly surprised to see that everyone is gathered together around the chalkboard that had given the first stage’s rankings.

Caspian is standing within the half-circle, his eyes follow you on your way in, “Now that (Y/n) has finally made it, I can show you.”

A few people glance over their shoulders, none of them dirty looks except for Thyme. You ignore her, and Finnick, going to stand on the side of Blaire that’s away from them, as if he’s some sort of shield. In classic Blaire behavior, he slings his arm over your shoulder.

“Are these the rankings for stage two?” you ask.

“Progress report,” he says, “Caspian’s showing us where we’re at so that we’re prepared for stage three and how badly we need to improve before then.”

An uneasiness grows in your stomach, heart skipping. Everyone is about to see where you’re at, and how far ahead you are. And with Thyme’s accusation of Caspian interfering, this is not going to look good.

Your teeth sink into your cheek, right into the wound you carved up earlier when you were with Finnick. The warm taste of blood crosses over your tastebuds again, the pain sharp.

Caspian doesn’t say another word as he reaches up to hang the board on the designated nail. He stands in the way for a moment, blocking the view. Then, he shoots you a look before stepping aside, a silent warning that you are not as undercover as you’re supposed to be.

And he’s so right.

Your name is the first one on the list.

Your breath hitches, body rigid, eyes glued to the board, blood running from your face. Three minutes and forty-five seconds. This must be your time from the first fear simulation, and you are so incredibly grateful that your two minute one hadn’t been put up there. It would be a lot worse, then. Suddenly, the predator would become prey.

The person in second is, unsurprisingly, Finnick. He has nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds. There is a five minute gap between you two, and it is so significant that it makes your stomach twist.

Someone looks at you, you think it’s Eytelle. Judging by the corner of your eye, she is incredibly angry, compared to Blaire, who has a tight grip on your shoulder, shaking it to bring you back to life. You think it’s praise, you think that he’s excited for you.

His name is in the third slot.

You look past Blaire, eyes finding Finnick for comfort. He’s already looking at you, his lips are pressed together. Thyme could easily mistake this as displeasure towards you, good. To you, this looks like worry. You told him you had to be careful, and this does not look like careful.

When you look at Thyme, you can see her arm loop around his, pressing her body into his side. She doesn’t speak very loud, only enough for Finnick to hear. Unfortunately for her, in Abnegation you’re all used to the silence and working around it so that you don’t disturb the others.

“She’s cheating.”

You elbow Blaire slightly, trying to get his arm off of you, “Laurel warned you about accusing me of cheating already.”

The silence in the room is overcome by the blood rushing in your ears, body heating up. You’re tired of people saying that you’re cheating, Thyme, Ameer, now Eytelle. Is it so hard to believe that you can be in first place without cheating? That you don’t need help to get there?

Thyme looks over at you, face twisting until her mouth drops and her eyes widen. She looks at Caspian, shaking her head, “I didn’t even say anything!”

“Except you did.” Cass says, she’s standing further back than the rest of you. Which means she’s got a clear view of Thyme, “You mouthed it.”

“But I didn’t say it, there’s a difference.”

“So you’re admitting to it?” Caspian asks.

This is when Thyme pales, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Come with me.” Caspian starts towards the door, “Tomorrow’s a day off, don’t waste it.”

Thyme shoots you a nasty look on the way out.

The tension in the room doesn’t have time to grow, Blaire throws his arm back over your shoulder. You have to force a smile before you look at him, “Congrats.”

“Congrats to me?” Blaire’s laughing, the circle is beginning to form. They’re probably going to want to celebrate, “You’re in first!”

“I’m pretty sure (Y/n) meant to say, ‘Congrats for beating Lennox’.” Sydney laughs too, she’s in sixth, her hand is intertwined with Nestor, who holds the same smile. He’s placed in fifth.

Lennox makes a warning face at her, it’s playful. You can tell because he can’t keep the expression for very long before smiling. Lennox is in fourth. 

Trink, who’s in eighth place, is bouncing next to him, face suddenly lighting up, “Oh! That means that Lennox owes you his twenty points!”

Lennox lets out a groan, “No, don’t remind her!”

In order of first place to last, the list goes as follows: You, Finnick, Blaire, Lennox, Nestor, Sydney, Cass, Trink, Ameer, Mirza, Thyme, Allio, Eytelle, and Horace. The rankings from the first stage have definitely flipped. Allio was first, now he’s last. Eytelle’s isn’t all that surprising either, she nearly got cut on the last stage too. She was saved by Amos and Ossie.

There are fourteen of you. If Dauntless only accepts the top ten, then that means Thyme, Allio, Eytelle and Horace will immediately be cut. Which would partially solve the Thyme problem, only she would still know you’re Divergent and would be able to tell people later on,

When you look at Finnick, you think that he’s working on the same thought process.

“Well?” Sydney says, “Hand the points over, loser.”

Lennox punches her arm, “Shut--”

“Hey, Lennox,” you nudge him with your elbow, “You can just pay me five every month so I don’t run you dry.”

He stops, raising his eyebrows, “Are you sure?”

You shrug, “How else are we supposed to get celebratory tattoos today?”

Ameer and Mirza let out a whoop, leading the way out. They placed ninth and tenth, you’re not entirely sure if you'd be celebrating if you were them, but then again, they aren’t going to get cut. If they keep this up for the final stage, they’ll be golden. 

As expected, there are a couple of people that stay back, namely Eytelle and Allio, who are giving you dirty looks like Thyme normally does. Horace trails behind Ameer and Mirza since they’re refusing to leave him behind. You have to grab onto Finnick to make sure that he doesn’t stay here, either. 

“Hey Blaire!” You call, making him turn, “Finnick was wondering who you think the hottest leader out of all the factions is. He was thinking about Haymitch.”

“(Y/n)--?” Finnick strangles out, giving you an incredulous look. You flash him a smile, pushing him forward into Blaire.

“Really? I was thinking Mags.” Blaire snorts.

--

Even though it was risky, you and Finnick went ahead and got matching tattoos like a couple of idiots. It was a long process of trying to figure out a middle ground. You’d suggest something like the Abnegation logo and Finnick would look at you disgusted. Then he would suggest something vulgar, and it would be your turn to look at him like he was doing it on purpose.

Since it took a while, by the time you two made the decision, Blaire, Sydney and Nestor were the only three that were still willingly sitting with you. Lennox and Trink had disappeared sometime during the middle, Ameer, Mirza and Horace went to play a dangerous game near the Pit drop off. And Cass got distracted when she realized that her blonde hair was perfect for dying.

You can’t take all the credit for the tattoo idea, it really stemmed from Sydney and Nestor when they showed you theirs. If they stand side by side, with Nestor on the right and Sydney on the left, and lift up their shirts, they have a flutter of butterflies across their ribs that make a whole picture.

So, you and Finnick decided to get something like that, but a lot simpler. No color or shading, just the lining of two hands holding out their pinkies to make a promise. Yours is on your left shoulder, and Finnick’s is on his right. It can’t really be seen unless you force your shirt over, so there’s not a lot of risk.

Unless Finnick walks around shirtless, and someone catches a glimpse of your tattoo and Thyme somehow finds out and puts two and two together. However, you don’t see that happening any time soon. As far as you’re concerned, she’s completely oblivious to the planning that’s going on between you two.

You tie your hair in a knot at the back of your head, desperate to get it off the back of your neck. Next to you, Trink is twirling her hair around her finger like she always is. She’s also leaning into Lennox more than she usually does, so something definitely happened between them yesterday when they left.

Lennox seems to be making an effort to stick close to her, too. This morning, they had sat next to each other at breakfast, glued to the hip and refused to let anyone sit in the middle. It makes you think that they’ve officially started dating, but they’re not acting like it. Not like Sydney and Nestor.

Your eyes drag over to Finnick and Thyme, they’re sitting on the other side of the dining hall. She sits across from him, body turned so that she isn’t facing you. Finnick, on the other hand, has made sure that he can see you from where he sits. He’s not eating his lunch anymore, his cheek is cupped in one hand.

And his other is on his shoulder, where his new tattoo is.

You sit up a little straighter, wondering how long he’s been waiting for you to see. You and him decided to make a sign for if one wants to talk to the other, so that you two don’t have to keep waiting to talk to each other after fear facing. He suggested that putting your hand over the tattoo would be it, a telltale sign to go to the chasm after whatever you’re done doing.

Finnick briefly glances over, you go ahead and place your own hand over your shoulder, giving him a gentle nod before looking back at your friends. You need a way to get out, you’ve been sitting here, done with your lunch for a while. You’re sure that they’ll understand.

You place your hands onto the table, getting ready to push yourself up. This immediately catches Trink’s attention, she slowly tears her eyes from whatever Blaire is talking about, to look at you. Her eyebrows are raised, mouth parted.

“I’m going to disappear for a while,” you say, “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

Trink pouts for a moment, “Can you be back before dinner this time? I thought we could all sit around and play some Dauntless games.”

You shrug with one shoulder, “Sure, no problem. I’ll keep track of the time on my watch.”

She smiles, “Thank you.”

You say your goodbyes to the others, punching Blaire’s shoulder on the way out. 

You’re the first to escape the dining hall, taking your time when you walk to the chasm. There’s no question that you’ll be back before dinner. Only in your dreams will you be able to hang around Finnick for longer than thirty minutes at a time, anymore. On the off-chance that you stay behind for a while, Sydney and Nestor know where to find you.

You get halfway down the long hallway that drops off at your corner, when there’s a rapid sound of footsteps behind you. You raise your eyebrows, a smile on your face when you spot Finnick running at you. He holds his hands out, making a noise that’s a mix of a snarl and a snort.

You get it, you’re supposed to run away.

You play along, running down the hallway in the dark. It’s dangerous, you could trip and fall. But then again, your whole life has been dangerous since the moment you finalized your decision of joining Dauntless. On your first day you jumped from a moving train to a rooftop! You hung from the chasm bridge by your fingers! You ziplined face first off of a building! You’re Divergent, for fuck’s sake!

At this point, you’re beginning to think that danger could really be your middle name.

Your guys’ laughter echoes off the stone walls, you can see your little dip for the chasm coming up, preparing to throw yourself against the wall to avoid Finnick. He’s much quicker than you, his hands clamping around your upper arms as he pretends to roar.

Tears appear in your eyes, you wipe them away, “Okay, get off of me.”

Finnick’s still chuckling to himself when he goes to his far wall. He doesn’t stand, though, he sits down immediately. You go ahead and follow, criss-crossing your legs and placing your hands in the gap in the middle.

“So, what’d you call me here for?” you ask.

Finnick shrugs, “I just didn’t want to be around her anymore. She kept asking me if she thought you were cheating. I think she’s a little on edge now that you keep ranking on top.”

“I can’t help it,” you murmur.

“I know,” he says, his legs extended in front of him, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

You smile, “Have any ideas on how to solve the problem?”

He shakes his head, “I mean, at this rate she’ll probably get kicked out, but that isn’t what we’re looking for, right?”

You press your lips together, “It’s not realistic.”

“I figured as much, don’t worry.” he looks off to the side, “What if we blackmail her?”

You don’t answer him right away, “We don’t really have any leverage.”

“But if we trick her into it?” Finnick asks, sitting up, “Like, I could hint at getting rid of you from number one somehow, which will keep her in the top ten so she wouldn’t get cut.”

You try to hide your horror when you remember just how alike you and Finnick are. Sometimes you forget that you’ve been around each other for so long that you ultimately have the same brain. You could be thinking something, and he’d probably be able to guess what.

“I’m… not sure…” you manage to get out, “if I still want to be the--um--center of the danger...?”

Finnick doesn’t question you, nodding, “But it’s an idea.”

“I guess? How about we put that on the back burner and try again?”

Finnick gives you a funny smile, “I’m not sure if any of my other ideas will be as perfect as that one so bare with me.”

“Sure.”

And he’s right, once the two of you try brainstorming again, you’re not really coming out with any ideas that you like. You’d really like to go for the first one, but you’re not sure how Finnick would even lead her in that direction. You have no doubt that Thyme wouldn’t have any qualms about murdering you to get ahead. To her, that would be the perfect solution to keep you away from Finnick forever.

The real problem would be to frame her for thinking it up on her own without getting Finnick mixed in there somewhere. Also, there would need to be witnesses--other than you and Finnick--because it’s already known that you three aren’t exactly the best trio when you’re around each other. You could end up getting in trouble, Thyme could figure out that you’re working with Finnick, and it could end right there.

Finnick suggests accusing her of being Divergent, giving it a little spin. You shoot him down, explaining that your results had to be entered manually. Not to mention, she could always spin it back on you, and then the two of you could be taken away together. 

He’s not very quiet when he calls you a buzzkill.

You glance at your watch.

“Is time up?” Finnick asks.

“Is it that obvious?” you joke, beginning to get up, “We can always brainstorm tomorrow, it’s not like we don’t have a week until initiation ends.”

You stretch your arms above your head. Finnick gets to his feet too, sliding his hands into his pockets, “Before I go, I actually had something I wanted to tell you.”

“Yeah, sure,” you smile, leaning against the wall.

“I know we just started being okay again...” Finnick trails off suddenly, eyes fixated on something in the dark. You open your mouth, going to ask what he’s looking at, but he takes a hand out of his pocket, palm-down as if to tell you not to speak.

“Who are you talking to?”

You can feel your blood run cold.

Finnick moves forward, “I was practicing.”

You knew that going past thirty minutes would be a mistake, but you didn’t think that Thyme would come looking. Did she follow you guys? No, she would have come out a lot sooner. Then again, she waited until you found her to say anything about you being Divergent.

And there’s only two people that know this spot is yours. Which means that Thyme might have gone asking about Finnick, she came up with some excuse, and ended up here.

You close your eyes, tilting your head up to the ceiling, holding your breath.

“No, there was another voice, I heard it. Who are you talking to?” Thyme demands, her shoes are loud against the floor.

You look over to Finnick, who’s trying to walk towards her to make her backtrack. 

“It’s (Y/n), isn’t it?” she asks, her voice is getting closer.

“Thyme, no one is there,” Finnick says.

“Then prove it, move out of the way,” she presses her hands to his chest.

You scoot to the left, moving away as you exaggerate a nod. 

You two can trap her here, and figure out where to go from there. The more you think about murder, the more your heart skips. You can’t just kill her, someone will figure out that it’s you two that did it. Thyme goes looking for you two, who are known for hanging out together now, and she doesn’t come back?

You have to convince her not to say anything about you being Divergent. 

Finnick moves aside, allowing her to look for herself. His eyes lock with yours, lips pressed together into a tight line, shaking his head. He doesn’t know what you’re going to do, but he’s sure that it isn’t going to work. You wish he’d have a little more faith.

Thyme comes around the corner, arms crossed over her chest, mouth twisted into an angry mess. You reach out, grabbing her arm and throwing her towards the railing, trading spots with her. She catches herself on the railing with her hands. You used too much momentum, she could’ve fallen.

Finnick moves around you, standing on your right side. Thyme slowly turns around, eyes landing on you first, “You’re so fucking stupid.”

You stare at her, not saying anything. She goes to walk around Finnick, but he moves when she does. He’s not going to let her through, and she doesn’t understand this at first. Only when he mirrors her movements again, does she shoot a glare at him.

“Finnick, you don’t understand what she is,” Thyme’s voice changes significantly, from anger to softness, “I don’t know what she told you, but it wasn’t the truth.”

“So it’s not true that you’re blackmailing her?” Finnick asks plainly.

Thyme gapes for a moment, clearly not expecting him to outright say it.

“You’re not a very good actress,” you say, “you should work on being less transparent.”

Her eyes flicker to you, and she’s back to being pissed, “I told you what would happen if you came near him.”

“And I warned you about what would happen if you did this to me, Thyme.”

She doesn’t get it, you can tell by the way her face scrunches up. The more the gears turn, the more her face relaxes and she pales instead. You’re glad you’ll be able to see the terror in her eyes, the same terror you felt when you realized that she had heard about your secret.

“You won’t be able to kill me.” Her voice isn’t as smooth as it was before.

“What makes you think that?” you ask, tilting your head a bit, “You think that just because Finnick’s here, he’ll save you? If that were the case, he would’ve let you go by now, don’t you think?”

No comeback.

“What’s the plan?” Finnick asks, glancing at you.

“Don’t let her think for you, Finnick,” Thyme blurts, “You told me yourself that you hate  it when she’s in your head like this!” she reaches out for him, he takes a step back, “And now that it’s happening again, you’re just going to let it go?”

“I never said that.” Finnick suddenly snaps, “I said I hated it when she’s in her head, like she can’t tell me anything.”

You ignore the wrenching feeling in your heart. You need to focus.

“Did she tell you that she has Erudite tendencies?” Thyme asks, not a hint of regard in her tone.

You straighten up, because it’s decided. She just sealed her fate by asking him that question. Had she shown a little restraint, a little bit of sympathy, then she would’ve been fine. But just saying it out in the open like that, trying to use it as leverage again…

You reach out, grabbing her wrist harshly, “Throw her over.”

Thyme’s face changes, façade dropping again. She raises her other hand up, fist formed and aimed at your face. Finnick catches her wrist, holding it above her head. She starts yanking her arms down, “No--no, let me go!”

“Give me her other wrist, you can take her feet.” Finnick says, “I can hold her up higher than you can.”

“Stop!” the scream is shrill, “No!”

Finnick holds both of her hands above her head. If he wanted to, you’re sure, he could pick her off of the ground like this. His arms aren’t even fully extended yet, that’ll come in when you have to pick her up to get her over.

“Finnick, please!” she tilts her head back, “Please don’t do this, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?” Finnick glares.

You sweep up her feet, holding her ankles together under your arm for when she starts kicking.

“(Y/n), don’t!” Thyme inhales, a sob follows after, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I won’t say anything, please don’t do this.”

You let go of her feet when they’re over the railing, letting her scramble to find footing. Finnick doesn’t let go of her arms yet.

“I warned you,” you say again, staying on her right side. You place both hands on the railing, leaning forward so that she can see your face, “I warned you that you’d end up here if you went through with this. You’ll be lucky if they find your body this far down the river.”

“They’ll catch you,” she sobs, her eyes bloodshot, hair blowing up because of the wind from the river, “you won’t get away with this.”

You give her a smile, “No one in this faction will miss you.” you lean in a little, “They might even thank me.”

“Or think you committed suicide because there’s no way you’re surviving initiation.” Finnick says.

“Hey, being dead is better than being factionless, right?”

Thyme sucks in a deep breath through her mouth, “Help!”

You snort, “Thyme, we are so far down this hallway that you’d be lucky if someone heard you.” you look at Finnick, giving him a nod, “Any last words?”

“Finnick, I thought I was your friend!” she screams, leaning backwards, away from the river.

“I was wrong.” he says plainly, letting go of her wrists.

Thyme teeters for a moment, looking like she’s going to catch her balance. All it takes is one pat on the back to send her flying forward, “Good luck!” you shout.

Her screams are loud, and are cut off suddenly when she hits the water. You don’t move from where you stand next to the railing, Finnick comes up beside you, wrapping an arm around your back, hand squeezing your upper arm as he pulls you into his side. 

All you can think about is what your father would think, after being murdered by a factionless. How his daughter, who had suffered from this loss, went through with a half-baked plan like it was her only option. How selfish it was to save yourself.

You need a distraction.

You suck in a shaky breath, closing your eyes when your head dips, “What were you going to tell me before she came?”

Finnick’s quiet for a moment, “That I’m Divergent too.”

--

It’s late into the night when they discover Thyme’s body, and you’re already wide awake when Trink shakes you to let you know. You have to pretend to be groggy when she helps you down from the top bunk, already tugging on your arm to get you to move faster.

You couldn’t sleep, not after what you’ve done.

There are only a few people awake, you notice. Blaire is hovering over Finnick’s bed, a hand on his shoulder as he speaks quietly. When Blaire notices you staring, he nods at you. Finnick is rubbing his eyes, but his movements are far too soft for a person who just woke up. He wasn’t sleeping either.

Trink doesn’t stop to wait for them, bringing you right through the door and down a series of hallways, taking you deeper into the Dauntless headquarters than you’ve ever dared to go. There must be another place where the river shows up besides your corner, otherwise you don’t think they would have found her.

“How’d you know?” you ask her, trying to sound like you’ve just woken up.

She seems to believe it, “Lennox was trying to be cute by showing me where the river leads because I mentioned that I like it. And we followed it all the way back here, and I don’t know how he saw her body through the dark because I couldn’t see at all. But he saw, and told me to stay put while he got help.”

She looks at you, “When Lennox got back, he told me that one initiate dies every year because of their ranks.” she’s shaking her head, “But I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just choose to be factionless?”

You shrug, feigning a frown. The plan is working exactly like you hoped it would, not a single finger has been pointed toward you. Then again, it might be too early to speak, her body was just found. 

Thumping footsteps makes you and Trink turn back to see who it is. Trink gives room between you two to allow Blaire and Finnick in. Finnick comes right up your left side, his tattooed shoulder to yours. His hand finds yours, squeezing tightly.

You didn’t believe him when he told you he was Divergent. You were convinced that he was just telling you that to level out with you, to make you feel better and that you weren’t alone after all. But the more he kept talking, the details he was giving, the more you realized that he was telling the truth.

On the aptitude test day, Finnick had been stuck in the room with the Candor man. And that detail alone was enough to begin to settle the doubt because the Candor aren’t supposed to lie. An adult man in Candor shouldn’t have the urge to hide a Divergent teenager, especially if they’re supposed to be a danger to everyone else. Candor is supposed to be the law.

Finnick kept going, telling you that he took his aptitude test like normal. It was only after the test did he realize that something was wrong because of the look on the Candor man’s face. Finnick figured that the man was new, he looked confused and didn’t move from the aptitude test for a long time.

When Finnick asked what was wrong, he was told that the test accidentally gave him two results. One of them being Dauntless, the other being Abnegation. The Candor man went ahead and manually entered Dauntless, though, because the Abnegation part of him was ‘so insignificantly small’ that it couldn’t even count towards Divergence. But when Finnick caught a glimpse of the screen…

You were still confused on how Finnick didn’t know the terminology for it, then, if that’s the case. He said that the Candor man never explicitly used the word ‘Divergent’ or ‘inconclusive’, he just said that the results came out as an accident, it happened all the time, and there was nothing to worry about. That was the reason why manually entering results was possible in the first place.

And since you’re not supposed to discuss faction results, Finnick never had the reason to tell you his result or the aptitude problem in the first place. Honestly, he’s lucky he made it this far without casually telling anyone. Plus, you can’t imagine what he felt like while you were explaining your own Divergence to him, the realization of just how dangerous it is.

It explains a lot, though. Why Finnick’s time is so low when he faces his fears, but it makes you wonder why it isn’t as low as yours? Is it because he’s only Divergent in two ways instead of three? And a part of you thinks that Laurel should’ve asked him if he was Divergent, or figured that out on her own. Unless, of course, he’s still within the reasonable time range, which blocks him from being so suspicious.

So many questions, and no one to answer them

“When’s the last time you’ve seen Thyme?” Trink asks, looking over at Finnick.

“Just before I left lunch yesterday.”

Trink looks at you, her eyes lowering into a squint, “Which was a few minutes after (Y/n), right?”

You nod. She better tread carefully, because if she starts pointing fingers at you two…

“Oh my god!” She lights up, “Does that mean you two are…?”

She’s making a scissor motion with her fingers, chopping them together with a slight head tilt. You think she’s trying to ask if you two are together without realizing how odd her symbol for it is. 

“Dating?” you guess, Finnick’s grip tightens considerably, “No--”

“They’re holding hands,” Blaire grins, giving Finnick a wink.

Trink raises an eyebrow, “I bet you two are taking it slow, huh? Since you’re both Stiff’s.”

“We were Stiffs.” Finnick corrects her.

“Same difference,” she waves it off, “I’m just surprised you two can hold hands without being a mess.”

If she were standing next to you, you would’ve punched her.

“Anyway, did Thyme ever come find you?” Blaire asks.

You turn to your right to look at him again, “What?”

“Yeah, she asked us if we knew where you were, and Sydney told her that you were probably by some empty corner of the chasm. When Sydney asked why, Thyme said she wanted to apologize or something.”

You called it, you said that she probably went looking for one of you. And she did. If she had waited to eavesdrop, though, she would’ve heard you and Finnick speaking. She could’ve wreaked so much havoc, but she wasn’t patient enough for that. You’re thankful.

Your grip on Finnick’s hand is like iron.

“We never saw her,” Finnick says casually, looking at Trink, shaking his head, “(Y/n) and I were in the party room messing with the microphone for an hour before we decided to head back to the dorm.”

“Oh, it’s still in there?” Blaire asks, he sounds a little excited.

“Yeah! At least when we were in there,” you say.

“Huh,” Trink’s eyebrows are drawn in, “Do you think she was looking for you to make amends or something, and when she realized that you didn’t want to see her, she killed herself in that corner?”

“Didn’t Lennox think it was for ranks?” Finnick’s trying to steer her back to her original point.

“It could be both,” Trink shrugs, “I was just saying. It’s over here.”

She takes the lead, bringing you three around another corner before you all come to a stop. Lennox has his back to you guys, his arms crossed, but he’ll lift one every now and then when he speaks, like he’s trying to explain the situation. Off to the side, there’s a large puddle of water beneath a motionless body.

Thyme is soaked from head to toe, lying on her back. Her head is faced away, toward the ledge that has no railing. Wet hair, flattened against the ground and the sides of her face. Her clothes are like a second skin with the way they stick to her body.

A woman is holding a blue lantern up, staring down at Thyme. If it weren’t for the light, this whole area would be pitch black. And with the light, you’re able to see the ear piercing that you insisted on her getting when you and Finnick got nose piercings.

Finnick draws in a breath, and doesn’t release. Blaire stays on your other side, staring. Trink is the only one who moves forward, coming up behind Lennox to tell him that she’s brought you two. Her hand is gentle on his back, and he offers you three a half-glance, a nod, and then turns back to the man he’s talking to. Trink doesn’t leave his side.

“I’m… so sorry, Finnick,” Blaire says slowly, not being able to tear his eyes from the puddle of water.

“Don’t be, she wasn’t really my friend, anyway.” he gives your hand a squeeze.

Was she anyone's?

You try to bring out some sense of remorse, thinking that you should at least pretend to be upset, but what’s the use? Everyone in the transfer initiate group knows how much you hated each other, it would be weird for you to cry over her. In fact, it’s even weirder that Finnick isn’t crying over her.

Besides, you can’t fake an emotion that’s the complete opposite of what you’re feeling. In order to be a good actress, you have to feel what your audience would feel at that moment, and you just can’t do it. There’s something else that’s brewing, something more sickening and vile and would most definitely get you in trouble.

It’s pure gleeful laughter, the relief and satisfaction of knowing that you will never have to deal with her again. Much less worry that she could snap at any moment and get you killed. No more pressing your ears to closed doors, no more walking on eggshells...

At the rate the balloon is swelling in your chest, you’re not sure if you’ll be able to hold it in.

--

ANTERIC IS A SPIN-OFF DIVERGENT AU //MASTERLIST//

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Playing with Fire – Ch. 2

I'm all caught up on posting now from the @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers exchange, I promise 😅 Anyone up for more Dragon Luka?

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She woke draped over his human form, in the middle of a fire that was on its way towards sputtering out. The pillows had been the kindling and she jolted awake as she realized that she was on fire in broad daylight. 

She shook his shoulder, panic making her flames sputter and spark erratically. He woke slowly, and seemed confused to see her until he looked down at himself and around where they’d been lying together. He sighed and laid his head back down. 

“Didn’t think of that,” he grumbled before he sat up, keeping a firm hold on her hand. She shook her free hand in his face frantically, unable to form words, and he blinked as he caught on to her panic. 

“It’s fine. You’re fine.” He held up their linked hands, as if that proved or explained something. He sighed again when she let out a strange little squeal and her flames burned hotter. 

“Meet me in the courtyard, okay?” he asked gently, then purposefully dropped her hand. Instantly her flames went out and he shuddered into his dragon form again. 

He jerked his head towards the open window before he shrugged his wings open and leapt off. She watched him glide gently to the ground and land, folding his wings—irritably, she would call it, although she had no clue what mannerisms to look for on a dragon. She raked her fingers through her hair hurriedly, wishing she’d thought to bring something to tie it up with, and scrambled down the stairs to meet him.

She started towards him on the grass, but he huffed out a small plume of smoke as soon as she tried to take a step off the path. She tried again with the same result and understood him that time. Stay where you are . She nodded and he loped over to her. His movement in this form was fascinating, like a cross between a prowl and a slither, smooth and powerful. He came right up to her and pressed his head into her hands. 

And she understood why he’d wanted her to stay on the path. As he shed his scales, she burst into flames. She blushed as she found that she was holding his face between her hands and her fingers were digging into his hair before she could stop them. He gave her that small, tentative smile of his as he laced his fingers through hers and pulled her down to sit across from him on the stone path. 

He put both of his palms against hers and caught her in those earnest blue eyes. 

Wordlessly, he pulled one palm away from hers, causing a bridge of fire to open up between them.

He pushed the flame back to her and pulled his other palm away, creating an easy rhythm. She followed his lead, marveling at how easily the fire was channeled between them. She'd never been able to control it like this before, to make it do what she wanted.

"Think of it like a current," he started. "The stronger the bond between us, the easier the current. Right now, our bond is brittle. Instead of a steady flow back and forth, it's almost like we cancel each other out. It makes us switch on and off. Does that make sense?” 

“Cancels out,” she repeated in a daze. “Got it.” 

"It'll take practice, and time, but eventually, if you choose to stay here, we might be able to share it without touching. To pass it between us—" he pushed his palms back to hers and closed the circuit "—without even thinking about it."

She pulled her palm away from his again, leaving only the tips of their fingers connected, and watched the sparks that built up into a ball between them. She could sense his eyes on her, although she steadfastly ignored falling into them again. 

“If you have questions,” he murmured after a moment. “I might have answers.” 

She lowered their hands. Her throat had gone entirely dry. There was one question above all others that burned to be asked. 

“Why?” 

He looked up at her briefly through his ragged hair before he dropped his eyes to the ground between them. She wasn't sure he'd understood her until—

“I didn’t know,” he whispered.

“You cursed me.” Her words came out as more of a sob and he winced. 

“I cursed myself, too, remember?” He pulled one hand away from her and leaned back on it, letting the sunlight hit his face. “I’m not supposed to be like this. Trapped, grounded, human ." 

She bristled at that. "Being human isn't a bad thing." 

He shot a sharp glance at her. "No fire. No claws. No wings. No fangs even. So fragile." He shook his head. "Humanity is a curse in itself." 

"I guess it makes sense, then, why there aren't more cases like ours," she said, allowing her anger to seep into her tone, "since humans are so far beneath you mighty dragons."

“I’m sure it was more common, at one time." He half-shrugged and turned to smirk at her, either unaware of her discomfort or choosing to ignore it. "Why do you think there are all those stories of young maidens and strapping knights being sacrificed to placate the evil and terrible dragon?” 

He imitated fangs with his fingers and snarled at her, which made her laugh despite herself. His smirk warmed to a smile before he looked away again. 

“It was supposed to be a mutual decision. I know that now. A… pact, or a promise. I've heard humans have something similar, sealed with a sharing of breath." 

She paused to think. Sharing of breath. Other than breathing for someone to save their life, the other cause for 'sharing breath' was—

"You mean like a…  kiss?"

"I think so." 

"A promise sealed with a kiss… You're talking about a wedding. You're saying that—" she swallowed against what was now an uncomfortable feeling of cotton stuck to the roof of her mouth.

He waited while she started and stopped several times before she finally found her voice.

"You mean to say… in dragon terms, we're married? And have been since I was… since you were…" She gestured with her hand low to the ground, her words failing her again. 

He hesitated, his brow furrowing at her panicked tone. "I take it that's a bad thing?" 

Her fire started sparking and sputtering and he seemed at a loss for how to comfort her. Finally, he opted for looking away from her and squeezing her hand. 

"I don't know if it's the same, but what we have, it's a way for a dragon and a human to share a life together if they wanted to. The human is protected, kept safe—” he winced at that “—or at least what a dragon would consider safe. Fireproof, kept close, given a defense. And the dragon is able to live a mortal life, age along with their intended, spare them the heartache of being alone for eternity. It’s… mutually beneficial.” His face pinched as if his words were bitter on his tongue. "And it's for life." 

The flames licking around her were turning white and threatening to overtake the stone path. Married. To a dragon. For life. Words that should have meaning, but strung together made no sense. He squeezed her hand again to try to comfort her and she barely felt it.  

There was a pause between them and he focused on placing the tips of his fingers against hers, pulling each finger away one by one and watching the spark dangle between them. 

“I thought I was saving you,” he finally said, answering her question at last. “I saw you fall into the water. I fished you out and you were so small. So helpless—" his eyes flicked up to hers beneath his hair. "So fragile. You were ice cold and you weren't breathing. So I breathed for you. I kept you warm. When the other humans came and found you, I thought that would be the end of it.” 

She waited, holding her breath, the fire crackling in her ears, for him to continue his story. 

“It wasn’t until I tried to fly away with my family that—” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, leaning back and away from her again. “I got stuck here. The end of the tether between us. When my mother realized what I’d done, what had happened…” He shook his head. “There was nothing she could do. Staying so near the village would’ve endangered her and my little sister.” 

“You have a sister?”

“I have a sister.” He smiled sadly. “Or at least I did. I don’t know where they are now, or if they’re okay. I haven’t been able to leave and they’ve never come back. One dragon draws enough attention near humans, if you haven't noticed, let alone an entire family.” 

“You’ve been alone? All this time?” 

“Not entirely. I’ve had a lot more visitors lately, of the knight in shining armor variety.” He grimaced. “I tried to drive them away, but they saw a huge, dumb, fire-breathing lizard and I had to—” He stopped himself and hid his eyes behind his hair. 

“Defend yourself,” she finished for him.

His lips pressed into that thin line again. It wasn’t a topic he liked, then. He took another deep breath before continuing. 

“I had to wait for you. I knew eventually you'd find your way here and I knew the choice should be yours. This was all my mistake. If there’s any way I can atone for it, it’s giving you back your life. Your freedom.” He laced his fingers through hers before he met her eyes evenly. "It's not much of a choice, I'll admit. But it is yours to make. The bond is for life, but that's easily remedied."  

Her breath hitched at his implication. "I can't—last night, you said—it's not—" 

He shushed her by placing a finger on her lips. "You don't have to decide now, or even soon." Those blue eyes, so soft, so sad, made her heart break for him. "Just think about it." 

With that he pulled away from her, breaking her grip on his hand gently, and the flames around her disappeared as he transformed again. He took off in a whoosh of wind that blew her hair back over her shoulders. She watched him glide in a slow, lazy loop around the top of the tower before perching there, his wings fluttering as he settled, his claws easily finding purchase on the thatched roof. 

She stood and shaded her eyes against the sun to look at him again. He laid his head down on his claws and closed his eyes, letting the sun spill over his rippling scales. The way his body draped across the roof reminded her of a black satin ribbon tossed casually across a bedpost. His tail was hanging over the edge of the roof, and the blue tuft at the end flicked occasionally. 

Admiring him like this, she understood now why he'd said humanity was a curse to him. She imagined it must feel cramped and uncomfortable to be forced to wear a different, smaller, weaker form night after night. Like trying to sleep in a dress that was five sizes too small. No wonder he looked so tired. She wrapped her arms around herself just thinking about it. 

All this time she'd thought she was truly cursed. But she'd had her family to help her, the people of her village that—while they might not have always understood—were always there for her. And most days she'd lived normally; she'd even forgotten about it entirely on occasion. 

He'd unknowingly pledged his life to her. A mistake he'd paid for by sacrificing his family, his freedom. And he was willing to sacrifice still more.

It wasn't right. He shouldn't have to pay for saving her life. He shouldn't have to sacrifice anything else for her.

She lowered her eyes, blinking against the spots in her vision left from the sun, and headed back inside to leave him to his quiet contemplation. 

When she reached his room again, she let her eyes slip over the dented and burned pieces of armor he’d collected and instead moved to his stack of books, running her fingers lightly over the spines as she read the titles. She recognized a few of these, too. Carefully, she pulled one out of the stack and flipped through the pages absent-mindedly until she came across the illustration she remembered. 

One of the sorcerers that had come through was showing her this page. He'd shown everyone in town this page. He’d proclaimed to anyone who would listen that this, this was what would take down that monster. 

She chuckled quietly as she thought about it now. Monster, prince, shapeshifter, thing, sorcerer, dragon. He had so many names to the townspeople, yet no one had ever used his actual name. Luka. It suited him. 

She sat down to read by the open window, only vaguely registering the height before she dangled one leg off the edge, bracing her back against the solid stone wall. 

What she wouldn’t give for a pillow. 

Her eyes slid over to the corner. There was another silhouette left in the ashes of the pillows, this time a doubled figure: hers on top of Luka’s. 

A flush of heat crept up her cheeks. He’d been human this morning. She’d been curled up against him and he’d been human and that was somehow weirder than being curled up against a dragon like she had been last night. 

She forced her eyes back to the page as her blush deepened. She was too distracted to absorb any of the words, so she laid that one aside and went back to searching the stack of titles. There was a wide range, although most of it seemed to be about dragon lore. No wonder he was so knowledgeable now. But there were other things, too. Books about spells, music, fairy tales, poetry. A couple here and there about foraging and cooking. She wondered how he’d gotten them all. 

There was one small leather bound book with no title. When she pulled that one out, the edges of the pages were singed, and looked as if they had been leafed through often. She let the pages fall open in her hands and found scrawling handwriting, along with what looked like dates at the top. Or at least, as she flipped through, the pages were numbered somehow. 

A journal. His journal? 

She snapped it shut and set it back on the stack. He hadn’t said she couldn’t look at his things, but she also hadn’t asked. Her curiosity was burning in her chest, but instead of giving into it, she listened to her grumbling stomach and made her way back down the stairs. 

His eyes were closed, but his attention was on her as she poked around the edges of their clearing. She didn’t know how, but she just felt it. She knew he was watching as she found a small thicket of blackberry bushes and pricked her fingers on thorns trying to get to the luscious prize, as she fumbled her way through making a small trap for any nearby rabbits, and as she decided to start testing the limits of their tether. 

That last one, he might not have known about, but she was, in the back of her mind, wondering how far she could go before that barrier—that blinding pain—started ripping them apart.

She could feel it, here and there, tugging at her. Once he let out a quiet grumble, but when she turned to look at him, he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t turned to look at her, and he hadn’t made any kind of motion to stop her. 

When she felt the tug again—she’d found a honeybee hive, and she was trying to figure out if it’d be worth harvesting later—she glanced back at him before she took a step forward. 

She could say she was trying to reach for it, if he asked. 

One more step forward, and a zing shot straight through her. 

From behind her, she heard what was now the telltale whoosh of his landing, and she felt the thud of his claws as he hit the ground near the tower. He growled, low and anxious, in the back of his throat. 

She turned to face him, and smiled to let him know she was okay, then locked eyes with him as she took another step backwards. 

His claw raised as if to take a step with her, but he resolutely set it back down and huffed out a plume of smoke at her. As she took another step back, he started pacing, that low growl rumbling through him, his scales ruffling in irritation. With another step back, she felt what was now a familiar tug. She took note of the distance between them before she stepped back one more time. 

She winced as that zing came back, and he let out a whine at the same time. Eyeing the distance between them, she was a good ten meters away from him. About two full body lengths for him, or just barely past the edge of the clearing if he stood in the middle. She glanced back at him and his glowing blue eyes were entirely focused on her, but he seemed to understand what she was doing. Or at least she hoped he understood. 

One more step backwards made that zing turn into a bolt that thrummed in time to her heartbeat, and she looked down to find that her fingers were sparking with white fire. 

She gasped and fell forwards, back into the safety of the clearing, and he was there to catch her. As she leaned onto his scales they melted away, and then he was holding her up with his arm slipped under hers. Before her flames flared to life around her, he swept her feet up to carry her back to the stone path and set her down safely, although he kept his arm around her shoulders. 

“Trying to run away again?” he asked, his voice low and breathy from the effort. 

She straightened herself up and leaned her head back against him. “As far and as fast as I can,” she muttered, although she managed to smile to let him know she was being flippant. 

His lips pressed into that thin line again and she backtracked shyly. “I just wanted to know the limit.” 

“Well, now you know. What good does that do?” 

She looked over at him, at the harsh edges of his face under the ragged lines of dark hair that flopped unevenly over his ears. Those dark circles under his eyes, made more obvious because he was white with… pain? Fear, maybe? The way he was still gripping her shoulder tightly made her think it was maybe the latter. She blushed as she pushed that thought away and dared to answer him.

“You said we could leave, if we were together.” 

He stiffened against her. “I did.” 

“And I thought…” She bit her lip as she hesitated. She didn’t know him well enough to know how he’d react if she told him the real reason. That she thought he might want to see his family again, if they were still out there. That she was willing to help him look for them. 

“I thought that maybe… eventually… we could go back to my village?” She finally decided to say. “For supplies, and... ” She fidgeted, twisting her hands together. “And maybe to see my family.” 

He flinched at the word, then took a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth before he turned to look at her. “It’s a bad idea,” he said softly. 

“You only think that because—” 

“Because your village is the one sending people to kill me,” he finished irritably. 

“But they wouldn’t know it’s you! You look human at night and… and they wouldn’t know…” 

“You really want to lie to your family like that?” 

She couldn’t think of a response, so she closed her mouth and looked down at her feet, abashed. 

“As much as I might appear human,” he continued after a tense pause, “I’m not. And we can’t pretend I am. I understand wanting to see your family. Trust me, I do.” He squeezed her shoulders to him almost involuntarily, but she didn’t know if he was comforting her or himself. 

“But if they knew what I was they’d most likely kill me on sight and you and I both know that.” 

There was another pause between them and he took another deep breath. She could almost picture him letting out a plume of smoke as he exhaled.  

“Don’t…” He tipped her chin up to look in her eyes, and his thumb stroked along her jaw softly. “Don’t scare me like that again.” 

She nodded as if in a daze, stunned by the sincerity in his voice. He released her from that intense gaze and turned his face to check the fading light before he pulled away from her, although he let his fingers slip past hers slowly, and his transformation took over in slow motion. He took off and went back to his perch, changing his position on the roof to stay in the light that was starting to fill their clearing with a golden-orange glow. 

#miraculous ladybug #ml fic #mlb fic #LBSC Exchange 2021 #lukanette #lukanette endgame #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #dragon!luka #cursed!marinette #fic title: playing with fire

[nonpuppet-sanderssides-ep]

Learning New Things about Ourselves Transcript

This transcript was done by @rosesisupposes​ @everphantom @crushingonanartist @fandomsofrandom​ (who’s urls may or may not have changed at some point, and others, who’s urls had been lost to time and my disorganization.)

This transcript was created for the purpose of creating a comic-version of the video for those who were uncomfortable with the puppetry. This project has been effectively abandoned, and the blog shall be treated as an archive for the work that had been completed. (as explained in this post)

The transcript had been partly split up to create places for artists to draw individual sections, which has remained in tact in this transcript. If people want to utilize this transcript for creating a comic or drawing, I entirely welcome it! As long as all the characters follow a human design, tag this blog and I’ll reblog it. 

14:58 Thomas: Oh, Logan! You’re up!

14:59 Logan: If by up you mean I am not down...to do this, you are correct. 

15:04 Roman: Oh big surprise coming from no fun-son honey dew-dew. Last second addition there, made it, stuck the landing.

15:10 Patton: Aw, Logan come on! We need you at the table if we’re gonna be learning!

15:14 Logan: Please. It has become quite clear that me cosigning all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality. When all of you decided on using puppets to address a serious issue, logic was already figuratively thrown out the window.

15:25 Roman: *dramatic sigh* Again, you don’t have to use the word figuratively. We know you that you weren’t literally thrown out of a window.

15:31 Logan: How? Have you been watching me constantly?

15:33 Patton: Don’t assume Roman! You know what happens when you assume. You make an as out of su and me. 

15:39 Logan: *exasperated sigh* *mumbled* Thank you Patton. *back to normal volume* I just don’t want to concern anybody by suggesting I was throw through a window. I wanted to communicate five by five that I’m five by five. 

15:47 Thomas: It’s okay Roman, his intentions are there. I mean, who does going above and beyond with clarity hurt?

15:54 Roman: Going above and beyond? *laugh* More like going overboard. It’s stupid.

15:58 *Logan inhales, glares at Roman as he crumples up a paper and throws it at Roman with a yell*

16:01 Roman: Ow! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!

16:02 Patton: Meep meep!**

16:03 Roman: You hit me in the eye. You hit me in the eye, you freaking bookgerm!

16:07 Virgil: Geez, L, that was pretty rough.

16:09 Logan: Eh- I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what that was. *pause* Maybe I should go.

16:13 Patton: NO! We are not about to leave it there, mister! We can’t continue this convo, if you’re gone-zo

16:21 Thomas: THAT’S RIGHT!

16:21 Thomas: Look, Logan, you can be like one of those Sesame Street human friends!

16:27 Logan: Like Maria?

16:28 Thomas: Like Maria!

16:29 Logan: Okay... I mean, a more accurate comparison would be that you’re our Big Bird, and we’re all your… Snuffleupagus**.

16:36 Thomas: Pre-1985, before they canonically confirmed Snuffleupagus wasn’t imaginary.

16:40 Logan: Of course. *softly* Clarity

16:41 Roman: Hmph-

16:42 Logan: Okay, so- you’re puppets. Care to explain to me how this is going to help?

16:47 Patton: Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings?

16:54 Thomas: *takes a deep breath*

16:55 Roman: Hmmm… 

16:56 Virgil: *groans softly*

16:57 Thomas: I don’t think so.

16:57 Roman: Yeah, I don’t like that.

16:58 Virgil: I’d rather go live in a garbage can.

16:59 Patton: No! Really, this is important, guys! Thomas, you have to face your feelings head-on! Tell me… *singing* do you ever feel like a paper bag?

17:10 Thomas: Wha- I thought we were talking about a loop!

17:13 Patton: Well, how do you suppose we get out of the loop, mister Looper?

17:16 Thomas: Well, I guess I don’t know… but I mean... like- what do I have to feel bad about? I mean, really. Like- yeah, I feel iffy with my videos. So what?

17:27 *Roman sighs as Thomas continues*

17:27 Thomas: Big deal. The ‘problems’ I have wouldn’t even exist without all of the incredible privileges I’ve received. I should feel lucky. I asked for this. So I- I don’t feel like I’ve got a right to feel this way, but-

17:42 Patton: Thomas, that’s ridiculous! Now should you count your blessings? Absolutely! Lots of people are way worse off! 

17:49 Thomas: … oh

17:50 Patton: Yeah, I should not have said that as cheery as I did. --break-- *louder* But… you shouldn’t feel guilty for having feelings! Sure, sometimes your feelings may not make sense, but it’s not your feelings job to make sense! You just… experience them. And you have to do your best to deal with them.

18:07 Thomas: Well that… makes sense. 

18:11 Patton: Not talking about them... is not dealing with them.

18:14 Thomas: Yeah, but I don’t even know where to begin talking about my feelings, because I don’t… understand them right now.

18:19 Virgil: Maybe you won’t have to understand your feelings if you fix the problem.

18:24 Patton: Well…

18:25 Virgil: Logan’s gotta cool it with the deadlines.

18:26 Logan: What?

18:27 Roman: *blows a kiss at Virgil* Thank you!

18:28 Virgil: Too much pressure.

18:29 Logan: Oh, I’m sorry. Except I’m not! Are the deadlines really the cause of that pressure, or is it… I don’t know… *quickly* Roman’s inability to perform adequately?

18:35 Roman: *offended gasp* No!

18:37 Virgil: Well- it’s a little of that. 

18:38 Roman: *weird shocked noise[?]* What??

18:40 Logan: Exactly, boom.

18:40 Virgil: Look dude, doesn’t it make sense to think you have something to do with this? The issue has to do with creating content and his pride? That’s a lot of you.

18:48 Roman: Well pardon me, Vomit-y Central, but when were either of you the experts on creative content? Who are you to criticize my work??

18:58 Virgil: Oh my gosh, what is up your butt?

19:00 Roman: An arm!

 19:00-19:34

THOMAS: Okay, I think it’s clear that pointing fingers is getting us nowhere. So let’s avoid that

PATTON: [Pointing at Thomas] Agreed. Oh, butterfingers!

VIRGIL: [Muttering] That’s not what butterfingers means

THOMAS: Logan, would it be fair to say that with all of this arguing, order is not actually being obtained?

LOGAN: Perhaps we are in a state of disorder because no one is adhering to my instruction

THOMAS: Okay, okay, well, okay, I’m - I’m happy to hear you out, then. What do you think we should do, Logan?

PATTON: Yeah, Logan, help us out, what can you tell us about learning new things about ourselves?

19:34-19:58

LOGAN: Well, it all goes back to the point you made earlier, Patton. Asking the right question: why?

ROMAN: That’s right, today’s video is brought to you by the letter “Y”

LOGAN: No, stop it, stop it, the question “why,” W-H-Y. “Why?” So much of what you feel, Thomas, comes down to whether or not your actions are aligning with your goals.

PATTON: Oh! I think I get it!

LOGAN: What?

PATTON: Yeah!

19:58 - 20:12 [Cut Scene]

[Electric Company Bit: Profiles of Patton and Thomas]

PATTON: Why do you make videos?

THOMAS: Because they’re fun

PATTON: Why did you make it a job?

THOMAS: So I could support myself, and so I could try bigger things

PATTON: Why did your old friend’s question stick with you?

THOMAS: Because…

[End cut scene]

20:12-20:42

THOMAS: Because I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for a living

LOGAN: Okay, interesting! Elaborate on that. And nobody do any puppet bits

PATTON: Well, that was from The Electric Company

LOGAN: [Waving arms at Patton] Shhhhhh. Thomas?

THOMAS: I don’t know, I guess… As far as I know, we have one life, and I guess I have doubts about… whether or not I’m making the most of mine.

LOGAN: Okay! We’re getting somewhere. Expand upon those doubts

THOMAS: Oh man, um, I… I don’t even know where to go from there

20:42-21:02

LOGAN: I mean if you asked me, I could certainly list off several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.

[Cut to Thomas, then Patton, then Roman all silently looking around as well. No one responds]

LOGAN: If you asked me, I could… gladly share them

THOMAS: [Sigh]

ROMAN: Welp

VIRGIL: [Sigh]

LOGAN: Just lemme know if you want to hear what I have to say

21:02-21:45 epilepsy warning

VIRGIL: Hey Logan, can you list off some of those factors you mentioned?

LOGAN: I’m glad you asked, Virgil. Firstly, there’s no job security, I mean, people fall out of public favor very quickly

VIRGIL: One! One cause of unease, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: You’re balancing a great deal of responsibilities. People have limits; perhaps you can’t continue at this pace indefinitely 

VIRGIL: Two! Two nervous thoughts, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: Your work is inessential. Several may claim that they have been [air quotes] “inspired” by one thing you’ve said or another, but who’s to say they couldn’t have found the inspiration they needed elsewhere?

VIRGIL: Three. Three depressing speculations, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: And oh, oh! I can think of another one. No one takes you seriously!

PATTON: [Audible gasp]

VIRGIL: Four. Four uncomfortable characters in this room right now.

THOMAS: Logan, is that really what you think?

-

LOGAN: Thomas, I have held back my opinions for too long, and that’s obviously not benefiting you. I refuse to withhold my perspective any longer. You need to get a real job.

ROMAN: Hey, yeah! Like being a movie star!

LOGAN: No! A real job.

VIRGIL: Sheesh, you sloppily eat some jam, accidentally make a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?

LOGAN: [Interrupting] I’m not a joke! I mean, I can’t be thought of as such. Because there will be times in which I must be heeded and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been. So I’m saying what must be said. I can’t tolerate this foolishness any longer. [To Thomas] You need to change your life around.

-

VIRGIL: Logan, I appreciate what you bring to the table and all, but the thing you just recommended would be a massive change in Thomas’ life sooo I kinda hate you a little bit right now andddd shut your dirty mouth

LOGAN: Ah, typical

THOMAS: I don’t know, Virge, maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s the cause of all this

VIRGIL: Thomas, don’t start. I have plenty of hate to go around

PATTON: Ohhh very funny, Virgil, you cute little muppet! Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. And Logan, that was… helpful! When the chips were down, you brought up some very meaty points, you ol’ crackerjack, but this stuff is more than just silly or cheesy, and I’m sorry I keep bringing up food, it’s just the inside of this bag smells like first grade lunch in the cafeteria and so many memories!

ROMAN: [Snaps] Patton, stay with us

23:17

PATTON: Sorry! Boy, I really milked that bit, wakawaka!

ROMAN: (stares in silence, before taking a deep breath) What I think Patton is trying to say is that Logan’s just proven that he’s the worst, and that he’s been the thorn in your side all along

VIRGIL: Could you even contribute like an ounce of constructive input to our conversation today, Dr. Doo-the-Most?

ROMAN: Okay, why don’t you just go get lost in a dryer

VIRGIL: You know, Roman, it’s just too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin

ROMAN: Well you smell like FOOT!

THOMAS: Roman-

ROMAN: No, Thomas, I know. That wasn’t helpful. In truth, I do feel bad

THOMAS: You do?

ROMAN: Yes

VIRGIL: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry

ROMAN: You’re right

VIRGIL: Oh, really?

ROMAN: Logan-

VIRGIL: Okay

ROMAN: -earlier, I made you angry. I do that quite a bit, actually. I provoke you, and you retaliated with violence… like a stupid caveman. But! I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone. So, I’m sorry.

LOGAN: Oh, well. That’s. Very kind.

ROMAN: Okay, well, I gave that a shot. I still feel bad.

PATTON: Well, why not try expressing your feelings in a way that makes sense for you?

24:27

ROMAN: Well, that might work. Let’s see (clears throat, then gestures to his right) Maestro?

[MUSIC STARTS]

[Singing] So you’ve gone and called someone stupid And in response, they damaged your eye But, there is where the conflict must end Lest you both end up blind

LOGAN: [Speaking] Another song? Really?

ROMAN: [Singing] Sometimes, the problems at play Are not all plain to see So, we lash out at our loved ones Disregarding our bond sanctity PATTON: There are several sides to us that may seem abstract at first Until we discover where everything fits And, people can be like a half-missing puzzle set As we find the pieces, things make more and more sense THOMAS: Nice imagery, but I'm not sure I follow.

25:27 - 26:00

PATTON: Well I’ll give you an example.

PATTON: [Singing] I had this problem where I’d often hide my less than awesome feelings so when I would feel like sobbing I’d just smile and crack jokes! I thought that that was coping. Only joking, never showing sadness, hoping it would go away.

LOGAN: [Spoken] Did that work?

PATTON: [Singing] Nope! I still felt bad

ROMAN: [Spoken] Aw pat..

PATTON: [Singing] It’s okay

THOMAS: [Spoken] How’s that?

PATTON: [Singing] Everybody gets sad. Even dads that have people to care for! And therefore- You don’t have to hide your pain. Life without rainy days is incomplete!

PATTON: [Speaking] Or, like not even a thing, you know? Rain goes to plants, plants feed animals, plant-eating animals feed animal-eating animals, and humans feed animals corn and inject them with hormones until they can barely walk anymore

THOMAS: Patton?

PATTON: Yes?

THOMAS: How does all that relate to rain?

PATTON: Oh, right! Rainy days. Forgot what I was talking about. Umm... putting it simply, rain is a necessary piece of the puzzle that is, uh, life.

LOGAN: So true. Are we done singing, or is this just one of those musical interludes?

26:22

VIRGIL: On the subject of storm clouds because, you know, you need storm clouds to... make... rain. I'm just gonna get into it. [Singing] You once knew me as real gloomy This weird spooky broody dude Because I knew you'd listen to me As too scary to ignore I thought that I could take it All the hate could just be shaken But when you lo-- care for someone Not much hurts more than their scorn I also felt bad 

ROMAN: [Speaking] Come, now

VIRGIL: [Singing] In a different way 

THOMAS: [Speaking] Different how?

VIRGIL: [Singing] By bad I mean, well, mean But I did what I thought that I had to Which is bad, too I don't have to act all tough

THOMAS: Sometimes love is enough

PATTON: Or what we need

27:00 [END]

#non-puppet ep project #learning new things about ourselves #transcript #sanders sides

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #446

“so you can throw me to the wolves  /  tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack”

Favourite cheese? American. Superman or Batman? I know literally nothing of Superman, but I like Batman. Who are your best friends? The only person I consider a best friend is Sara. Name the 3 most important people in your life: My mom, Sara, and... I suppose myself since I cherish my mental health VERY deeply. Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? No. Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? In my personal opinion, yes. I do believe it's possible to be "overly" flirty, considering you can really lead people on. It's a she. Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. No. Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? No. I'm really not into that. What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? I think the most disgusting thing anyone can do is commit rape. Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? I feel teleportation is obviously more convenient and useful in dangerous situations. Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? LKJFL;AKSDJFKLASJDLFKA;WE NOOOOOOOOOO. I am WAY too terrified of tornadoes to watch that. Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Hurricane Floyd was pretty devastating. I was too young to really remember it, though. Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? She probably did. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? BOJANGLE'S, AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? I mean, it's possible, but I don't know. Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I didn't know they stopped. Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I couldn't possibly care less, it's a natural bodily function. Just because of societal standards though, I don't burp in public, though, but only around family and close friends. What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Anything like rap that has a STUPIDLY loud bass that just annoys everyone within a ten mile radius. When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? A year or two ago, for my nephew. No one else was free to watch him, so I had no choice. Nothing bad happened, besides nearly having a panic attack. Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No. Even Sara and I don't do it, because I'm too self-conscious of how I look. Even though she's seen me plenty before irl. Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Well, I majored in biology briefly... I wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I just adore animals and thought I could do it. I just couldn't handle school. When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not especially close to any of my cousins. Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Yessss! is writing something that you enjoy doing? Definitely. Would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? If I wind up being very proud of the product, I prefer drawing, but I take pictures far more. When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. Has anyone ever copied off of your homework assignments? I think so? Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? ... *stares at my folder labelled "Mark"* What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. I love the whole vibe of it. The weather, the smells, the treats, my niece's and nephew's excitement... I adore all the lights and decorations, the gratefulness for family and your loved ones in general... I just love Christmas. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say my hips are normal. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? God no. Not anymore. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? Nope. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Once. I didn't like it. Has your best friend ever made you cry? Yes. But in her defense, we've both made the other cry. Have you ever entered a talent competition? God no, I ain't got shit to flaunt. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? I only ever wear black for both of those. What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My Markiplier tattoo, actually. What do you think of your best friend’s ex? One I REALLY don't like, the other I'm neutral about. Are you biracial? No. Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now? No. We try to not buy them, given they're just TOTALLY empty calories. They don't fill me at all. Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? I LOVE sour candy. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Alaska, to see the Northern Lights. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I haven't driven in well over a year. Hell, maybe two. But no, because I'd need prescription sunglasses. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah. What time do you usually have dinner? 5:30-6:30, usually. What’s your favourite meat? Chicken, I think. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast. I just enjoy breakfast foods. What colour is your shampoo? White. Tell me a silly little old wive’s tale you believed when you were a child: My older sister got me to believe that if you said a word a ridiculous amount of times, it'd be the only word you knew how to say anymore, lmao. Shut up, I was little. What was the last magazine you bought? Do you subscribe to any? I don't buy magazines. Whose Facebook profile did you last look at? Was there anything that caught your attention? Uh, that's a good question. Do you regret your last relationship? Not at all. What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes, though I'm picky with them and the texture. Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes, or pie with your grandma? No. Do you like kids? Not especially. They ask too many questions and can be really rude, even though I know they usually don't mean to be. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Dino Crisis 2. I finished her playthrough of Final Fantasy X, so now I feel a void in my soul that I am trying to fill with a new series lmao. Do you burn incense? Not really anymore. I'm not against it, I just... haven't. What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheese-Itz. Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? Yeah; I can name a few, actually. My dad loves Billy Joel, so I heard him a lot growing up. "Piano Man" is a classic. Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I actually really like the Jolly Rancher ones. Have you ever been kissed while sitting atop the hood of a car? That's actually possible... but I'm not sure. I think I have a faint memory of lying on a car hood with Jason before. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I don't like calling a piercing either of those, like if they make someone feel more confident and attractive, good for them. I can say I'm personally not a fan of the smiley piercing, though. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. When I was a kid at a birthday party, though, one of the girls did. Does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? She helps a lot, yeah. What is one song that always brings back memories every time you hear it? Honestly, too many. I attach way too aggressively to songs. Do you currently have any pimples? Not currently, no. Did anything disturb your sleep at all last night? Ugh, yes. I couldn't sleep for shit. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? I have only seen one picture of Jason with the girl he dated after me and it. Set. Me. On. Fucking. Fire. It's pathetic. If you’re not in college, why? All it did was give me emotional breakdowns. What do you think about MTV? I am way too out of the loop on what goes on on any TV channel to answer this. What was your very first day of your very first job like? What’d you do? How long did it take you to get the hang of it, and feel comfortable with working? This was waaaay too long ago... All I remember is actually being hopeful, though nervous. I never got to the point of feeling comfortable there. Or at any job. If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? We don't have a dog, but we do have a cat that is EXTREMELY skittish around strangers. Someone he doesn't know comes through the door? He's bolting to hide. Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving? Well, I got flipped off once by a driver, so... I'd consider that a silent comment. I, to this day, don't know why they (it was a group of guys) did it, but it's stuck with me. What was the last thing to move you? Are you easily moved or inspired? The ending of FFX alsdkfjkaljlkwjer. And yes. If you`ve ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them? Was it like a dream come true? If you`ve never seen them, do you think you would? I haven't, but I probably would a little bit. Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who are some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from? From America's Got Talent, I adore(d) Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., as well as Prince Poppycock. I keep up with them both on Facebook. Ever had a friend named Alex or John? One of my closest online friends was Alex. A couple years ago she just... got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the earth. Are you happy with your relationship status? I mean... no, I'm ridiculously lonely, but being single is for the best right now. What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? Just ketchup and mustard. Have you ever been in a spelling bee? No. What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? Mom absolutely always assumes she's right. Dad repeats himself like CRAZY. Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Actually, the doctors couldn't determine mine (or any of Mom's kids') because my legs were ALWAYS crossed when they did ultrasounds. Mom says she "knew" I was a girl, though. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I'm addicted to caffeine, yes. Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? Hm, I dunno. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have very severe sleep apnea that results in very violent nightmares almost any time I sleep without my APAP mask. Even WITH the damn mask, I have them a lot. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? *shrug* Do you have trouble reading small fonts? Yes. I used to find it aesthetically pleasing, but my vision is just too bad now, even with my (shitty) glasses. Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? I think so. Do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating? Absolutely!! The last time you had sex: did you want it, or did the other person want it? ... You know it's supposed to be a mutual desire, right?? What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt." Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Maybe? I'm unsure. Did/do you believe them? Hell no. I don't believe in psychics and believe people who claim to be so are manipulative pieces of shit. Is anything annoying you right now? I am bored to an inexplicable level askldjfla;wejlr. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? No. Have you ever felt abandoned? Well yes. By definition, my dad abandoned our family. Where are you? I’m in my bed. What’s been the worst part of this day? I've just been so, so bored. I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with anhedonia. Who last encouraged you to better yourself? My therapist.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''throne'' by bring me the horizon

[sophisticatedloserchick]

Fanfic - You Could Make a Girl Fall in Love With You - 1/1

Summary: Millie finds herself caught betweent the man she thought she loved and the man she wants to love - AU based on the Flash Musical episode, aka Gangster Noir AU

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1613

A/N: For Iris West Allen Week. Based on the Day Seven prompt: Fave AU Iris.

Its a cold winter night in Central City.

Most of its citizens are tucked away in their beds. Their blankets and pillows shielding them from the harshness of the winter's night. Only those up to no good or the foolish would be out on a night like this.

Barry Allen definitely would be cast in the 'foolish' category.

He's currently standing out on the street watching over a girl who he desperately loves but doesn't know he exists. The whole thing sounds tragic, like a story from those dime paperback romance novels. But Barry always seemed to have that kind of bad luck.

Millie was the daughter of the most formidable crime lords in the city who just happened to be Barry's bosses. She was known as a real beauty. Her dark curly hair cut in the short flapper style framed her heart shaped face. Her full lips always painted in her signature ruby red. Her dark eyes that seemed to draw in every man like a moth to a flame. Most men would lie themselves down on the railroad tracks in front of a incoming train if it meant Millie would spare them one glance.

Barry couldn't deny he would do exactly that. But as it stood Tommy Moran had Millie's eart so Barry would have to settle for watching over her.

Cause you see Tommy is the son of Millie's fathers biggest rival and Barry had been tasked to watch over their beloved daughter because of it. Barry had to make certain that the Moran boy doesn't mistreat her they told Barry. And if a chance to slit Tommy Moran's throat presented itself Barry had been ordered to go for it.

It's a regular Romeo + Juliet type of deal that Barry found himself in the middle of.

Barry's eyes flickered upwards to the windows in the apartment several stories up. All the curtains were drawn but the lights inside cast a warm glow that allowed him to see the shadowed figures of Millie and Tommy moving back and forth across the apartment. They were pacing a lot tonight which did not bode well. Usually he had the distinct displeasure of seeing the silhouettes of a man and woman in a lovers embrace.

Tonight was different and he couldn't put his finger on why.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Millie pulled her silver fox furred coat tighter around herself as she stepped outside.

She hated freezing cold nights like this when the weather didn't have the decency to at least snow. Because Millie loved the snow, the big fluffy snowflakes that sparkled like tiny diamonds coating the world in a delicious white frosting. Much more preferable to the cold drab night she currently stepped out into.

She barely walked a few paces before she spotted the tall, lean frame of Barry Allen leaning against a lamp post. She huffed out a breath in annoyance at her Dads once again thinking she needed a chaperone wherever she went.

“Fancy meeting you here Allen,” Millie announced tersely as she approached him.

His head angled to look at her better and not for the first time Millie is struck by his good looks. The sharp angles of his face. His dark brown hair slicked back in a neat style. And when his pretty green eyes focused on her that made her heart skip a beat.

Internally she scolded herself for getting twitter-patted over a man that wasn't her Tommy.

“Out for a walk,” Barry said casually but she could hear the humor in his voice.

“Yeah huh. A walk my Dads told you to go on,” Millie replied sharply.

Barry gave a little shrug but said nothing else. Not that she needed any confirmation she couldn't even step out to go dress shopping without her Dad's men sent to follow her. Its the most frustrating thing for a grown woman to be treated like a child.

“They worry,” Barry spoke as though he read her mind. “They have a lot of enemies who'd love to get their hands on you.”

“Enemies like Tommy maybe?” Millie narrowed her eyes at him.

“Like Tommy's father,” Barry said gently but it didn't make it any easier to hear. Millie knew most thought her naive and foolish, that she didn't understand how the world worked, but Millie understood all to well the harsh reality of what he was saying.

“We better get you home,” Barry offered his arm out to her. “Its cold out tonight.”

Iris thought for a hot minute about heading back into the apartment and leave Barry to stand out here all night until he turned into a icicle. Serves him right treating her like a child. But the argument between her and Tommy from moment ago echoed in her ears held her back.

“I suppose for your benefit,” Millie placed her hand on the crook of his elbow, “I'm not a monster.”

Barry cracked a smile at her that made her heart flutter in a way that it shouldn't. As a taken woman she'd never admit it out loud she enjoyed walking arm in arm with him. Or that she felt safe with him as they moved through the dark streets. After all it was better then to walk home alone she figured.

As they both left looking like lovers out on a nightly stroll neither noticed in the window of the apartment above them a curtain had been pulled back to reveal Tommy watching them leave.

!!!!!!

Weeks later Millie found herself with a broken heart.

Days would go by and Tommy didn't return her phone calls and every note filled with love Millie wrote went unanswered. Mille even got bold and went to their secret apartment where she wait for hours in the hopes he would show up. But he never did.

Millie knew she needed to do a better job at hiding her distress. Her two dads constantly asked her what had been bothering her, they showered her with gifts and offered a trip to Europe to try to get her to smile again.

Even worse the ever watchful eyes of Barry Allen seemed to look right through her. Millie hated that he probably knew that she was being jilted by her boyfriend. She avoided him even more not wanting to see the pity in his face when looking at her.

Finally after weeks of silence and agony Millie found a note waiting for her where in short and stilted words Tommy said he didn't think they should see each other anymore.

Now Millie always saw herself as a strong woman. Her dads raised her to be independent and capable of facing any challenge. Which is why she found it very annoying that she ended up hiding in the garden of her parents house crying her eyes out because a stupid boy decided he didn't want to love her anymore.

To add more salt to the wound Barry Allen found her in this pathetic state.

“Oh god not now,” Millie sniffled as she struggled to wipe away the tears. “You really have the worst timing.”

Barry had the decency to look a little bashful as he ducked his head away. His eyes averted so as not to look at her directly. She then watched him fumble in the pockets of his dove grey suit jacket before he held out a pale blue handkerchief to her.

Millie eyed the handkerchief for a moment before reaching out to take it.

“Thanks,” Millie said as she wiped her tears and blew her nose. “I hate being a mess like this. Its very unbecoming for a lady like myself.”

“He's a fool,” Barry spoke up in a much more heated voice then Millie expected. “Any guy would kill to have girl like you.”

“Yo-you think?” Millie hiccuped through her tears as she looked up at him.

“I know,” Barry answered with such conviction even Millie could tell he wasn't faking it.

With her eyes cleared of tears Millie tilted her head back to get a good look at Barry. Not for the first time she admired how tall he was. She'd never admit it to Tommy due to his sensitivity about his height but Millie always found that there's something about a tall man she loved. She took a moment to really take in his fine features, his sharp jawline, and high cheekbones.

And of course those pretty green eyes that always made Millie's heart flutter.

“You better be careful Mister Allen,” Millie cracked a smile for the first time. “You could make a girl fall in love with you with sweet words like that.”

Barry spluttered and the pale skin in his cheeks went bright red. But Millie could tell underneath his embarrassment that her words pleased him. She wondered how good of a gangster he could be if he got so easily flustered, her dads selecting him to be her personal bodyguard always stuck her as strange. Then again the kind of loyalty Barry Allen had wasn't easy to find.

“Come on lets go,” Millie looped her arm through his, “I bet my dads are waiting for me right?”

“Er well not really,” Barry rubbed the back of his neck as they walked arm in arm through the garden. “I came looking for you because I was worried about you.”

“Aren't you sweet,” Millie giggled as she cozies up to him. “If I was smart I'd fall for a fellow like you.”

As Barry blushed even deeper Millie decided that falling for Barry Allen was exactly what she was going to do.

#iris west allen #westallen #barry allen #the flash #iris week 2020 #fanfic #sophisticatedloserchickwrites

[ancientwastedlores]

The Support System (Ch:2)

SUMMARY: The Avengers have managed to collect all the infinity stones across the universe, and are currently keeping them in far corners of the world, only for research and to see if they can improve the planet and its people. Reader is a researcher with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, as well as a field agent. Loki is currently serving time for his actions in New York City in 2012.

A/N: Thank you for the love on the first chapter! You can find the same on AO3, if you prefer that. Let me know if you like this and I’ll keep posting more :) Also, should I start a tag list for this? I’m still navigating this platform, and I see many fic writers having a tag list for their fics. Anyway, enjoy! 

Chapter: 2/?

Warnings: N/A

Audience: general.

_______________________________________________________________________

Tony likes to hand out the agendas of the day to the Avengers personally. He jogs around the tower with a stack of papers, wearing his tracksuit and headphones, a habit Pepper encouraged, since he never actually leaves his lab to do anything physical.

He gently opens the door and places the sheet on a table placed right next to the door. That table is specifically for the agendas. You once threw your keys on it and Tony passive aggressively made a point of picking up your keys and placing them on the floor to place his sheet.

You’re still in bed with Loki, who is facing away from you and snoring lightly. Tony opens the door to place the sheet and notices two heads instead of one in your bed. He moves closer to see Loki, widens his eyes, and promptly runs out.

‘What?’ Nat asks, running past Tony, then stopping. ‘Loki!’ ‘In her room!?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘I…’ Nat is trying to peer in through the crack Tony left open. ‘Are you sure!?’ ‘Do YOU want to look?’ ‘No!’ Nat nearly shouts.

Tony shuts the door. ‘I’ll talk to her about it later’.

‘Good, I’m not going to’ Nat says, then places her headphones back and continues running.

xx

Around 8 AM, after Loki has left your room, you change into your field uniform and walk to the kitchen. The rest of the Avengers, including Loki, are in there, and the cook is making bacon and eggs.

‘Hi Samantha’ you greet the cook. She smiles back at you. You pour yourself a cup of coffee and Tony grabs your arm, making you nearly spill the coffee.

‘Hey man!’ you yell. ‘Please tell me you aren’t sleeping with Loki’ Tony hisses. ‘What… no! I’m not, let go of my arm!’ Tony lets go. ‘I saw him in your bed’. ‘Yeah, we just had a heart to heart about our past and fell asleep, it’s no big deal’. He narrows his eyes at you. ‘You confided in Loki about your past?’ ‘Well, him more than me’. ‘Uhuh’.

You raise an eyebrow at Tony. ‘It’s fine’ you assure him. He doesn’t believe you, which is clear in his face, but walks back to the dining table.

You grab a plate for yourself and get some fruit, eggs and bread. You take your seat at the table and join in on the conversation everyone’s having.

xx

‘Right’ you announce, walking into the lab with Bruce and Tony. ‘TODAY is the day we speak to Harry’. ‘Harry?’ Tony asks. ‘Yeah. The Reality Gem’. ‘You named the Reality Gem “Harry”?’ Bruce asks. ‘Yes. You know, the redheaded prince of England. And the Reality gem is Red’ you grin, proud of your name. They roll their eyes but laugh, and go to their respective workstations.

Doctor Strange had found a way to speak to the Time Stone, and provided everything he could for you to be able to do the same with the Reality stone. He had done everything save for actually coming down the lab, which he couldn’t because he had to be at the Sanctum Sanctorum. But you had gone through every single paper he sent, every theory you talked over, and every idea you shared. After a while, it was clear that the code to cracking all the stones wasn’t the same, and so you’d have to start from scratch for every stone.

Frustrating as it was, you did love a challenge.

‘Maybe we should just build a body around it like we did for Vision and let it literally speak to us’ you say, frustrated, a few hours later. 

‘We did consider that. We even have the technology for it, but we can’t have six people walking around with stones in their heads’ Tony says.

‘Oh, is THAT the problem?’ you chuckle. ‘Not the insane amount of power and resources it would take, not to mention how the costs outweigh the benefits’.

‘She’s right, it took Thor to open the cradle last time’. Bruce says. ‘And if we give the stones a body, it could do anything’.

‘At least the stones restrict movement’ you say.

‘I don’t think the lack of a body would stop the stones’ Tony says. ‘Besides. Strange got his to talk while it still sits in that necklace, so I’m sure we can work it out. Did you read through the papers he sent?’

‘I did’ you say. ‘Twice over, made some notes if you’d like to see’ you project the contents of your laptop onto a hologram before Tony. ‘We’ve tried it the few ways Strange suggested, but what he actually did is very particular to the Time Stone’.

‘Series of time loops and manipulations in the mirror dimension’ Tony reads. ‘We can’t do that, of course, we don’t even know how to use it’.

‘Can’t we take the reality stone into the mirror dimension?’ Bruce asks.

‘What then?’ you ask. ‘It was purely an accident that Stephen even managed to speak to the stone. He managed to reverse and study his actions somehow to write a paper’.

‘So we’re stuck in the lab, then’ Tony sighs, and turns to walk to his table.

‘Unless you just want to take it to the mirror dimension and just mess around with it’ you say, half-joking.

Tony stops in his tracks. He promptly turns back to face you. You see the look on his face and push the hologram aside. ‘Tony, you know I love a mystery, but I wouldn’t advice getting stuck in the mirror dimension with an Infinity Stone unless you REALLY know what you’re doing’.

‘Strange did it’ he scoffs. ‘Strange knows what he’s doing’ you say. ‘Are you saying Strange is smarter than I am!?’ Tony demands.

Oh dear.

‘I’m saying he knows more about this’ you walk back to your computer and pull up another paper he sent you and project it to a hologram. ‘Read that’ you highlight a line using your fingers. ‘The mirror dimension is linked to the dark dimension, playing around with an Infinity Stone without understanding how to use it could not only trap you in the mirror dimension, it could draw you into the dark dimension’ you swipe the hologram away. ‘And I hate to bring this up, but after New York, this should be the last thing you throw yourself into’.

Tony sighs. ‘You’re right, kid’.

You close the holograms and walk back to your desk. Tony’s still standing in the same spot though. You sit down and pull yourself close to the desk.

‘You’re smart’ Tony declares.

You smile at him.

‘So I can’t understand why the hell you’d spend the night with Loki’. ‘You did what?’ Bruce shouted. You glare at Tony. ‘THANKS’. ‘YOU SLEPT WITH LOKI!?’ Bruce’s voice is unnaturally high pitched. ‘I did no such thing, we were talking and fell asleep!’ you defend yourself. ‘Can we get back to the stones’. ‘Just…’ Tony leans over your table. ‘Promise me you won’t let this be a thing, he’s dangerous’. ‘Hey, I can take care of myself. And he’s more like you than you think’. ‘I take offense to that’ Tony says, without actually sounding or looking offended. ‘You don’t like being compared to a God?’ you ask teasingly.

Tony smirks. ‘You got me. I’m going back to work’ he finally turns away to sit at his desk. The three of you continue working.

xx

At last. The training room. You walk into the roomy glass cage that has an arsenal of knives, swords, spears, guns, and other alien weaponry lining the wall. You feel at home.

‘What we feeling like today?’ Natasha’s voice comes up behind you. ‘I’m feeling the katanas’ you say, your hands running over the colourful handles of the katanas.

Nat takes a pair for herself, and you take yours. ‘Hand to hand first’ Nat says. As is usual. You place the katanas in the harness strapped to your back and take your fighting stance.

Nat goes to punch you and you block it. Her other hand comes to chop at your neck, which you also manage to block by holding her wrist, then flipping her over so she lands on her back.

‘At least give me a challenge’ you tease. ‘Just getting your ego up so I can bring it crashing down’ she smiles, as she gets up. You know she’s not lying. ‘You’re terribly mean’ you say. You take your fighting stance once again.

Two hours later, after your session with Natasha ends, you place the Katanas back on the wall. ‘Can I take these on the extraction mission?’

‘You can take anything you want. Just don’t take too much, we don’t want to be weighed down’. ‘Right’ you look at the katanas. They really are gorgeous. ‘Where did we get these?’ ‘They used to be Lady Sif’s. She left them with S. H. I. E. L. D, and S. H. I. E. L. D gave it to Tony’.

You touch the handles again, which has some Norse story etched on it in gold and red tones. ‘They’re beautiful’.

‘They are’ Natasha agrees, unhooking her harness and placing it on the wall as well. ‘Do you know the story?’

You nod. You’ve grown up reading stories of Greek and Norse myths. ‘This scene is Odin stealing poetry from the Giants and flying back to Asgard with it’ you point at something in the handle. ‘That’s earth. As Odin was flying over Earth, some of the poetry spilled here, which is how we have the art form’.

You stare at the handle a while longer.

‘Do you have a thing going on with Loki?’ Natasha asks. ‘What! No! How many people has Tony told?’ ‘Just me. I happened to pass by when he left your agenda’. ‘Bruce knows too’. ‘Bruce!? Why?’ ‘Cuz Tony can’t shut up’ you say. ‘Does it bother you?’ ‘Him not shutting up or people knowing about it?’ ‘The second one’. ‘I don’t really care’ you shrug, knowing that it was inevitable, ‘But I know how silly rumours can affect people, so I wish people would stop spinning it like that for Loki’s sake’. ‘Right’ she nods, understanding. ‘I’ll make sure no one else knows’. ‘Thanks Nat’ you smile at her. ‘I have to shower and go back to the lab. Bye!’

‘Bye!’

xx

‘We’ve made progress!’ Tony yells at you as you walk back in.

‘That’s excellent!’ you know Tony is absolutely dying to tell you what he uncovered, but you aren’t going to give him the satisfaction of telling you immediately for outing your little sleepover to Bruce. ‘But you should eat first’.

‘Yeah yeah, listen to this, so Bruce said…’ ‘No, I literally meant eat first, talk later’.

Tony looks like you’ve just slapped him. ��It’ll take a second’.

‘I won’t hear it until you’ve had something to eat’ you unwrap the falafels and shawarmas you got from the food truck downstairs.

He glares at you, grabs a falafel, takes the smallest bite and sets it back down again. ‘Now…’

‘Actually, I could eat too’ Bruce walks over to grab himself a shawarma, and proceeds to open the wrapper very, very slowly.

You grin at Tony. Understanding that there really is no way you will listen, he sits down to eat a proper meal.

After throwing away the wrappers, he comes and sits down next to you. ‘Bruce said it would be so funny if we got Vision to talk to it like it’s his cousin, and I got an idea’.

‘Okay?’ ‘They’re family!’ ‘Ohana’ you say, still chewing and looking at him with dead seriousness.

Tony glares at you again, the occasional eating noises from Bruce making you internally lose it.

‘As I was saying, we don’t have to use the same Time Stone method, but we don’t have to completely abandon it either’. ‘But they do vastly different things from each other, we even tried all the…’ ‘Yes, but you haven’t tried combinations’ he runs to your laptop. ‘I was going through your notes; look at what you’ve written here’.

You read it: "So basically it’s like those old rotary phones. Strange ran the dial to 6, then 4, then 9, then 1, until it dialled a number and made a call."

 ‘I was really sleepy when I wrote that’ you say. ‘We can’t crack the stone, we have to learn to first use it, then connect with it’. ‘We’ve been over this, Tony, none of us know how…’ ‘No, I won’t do it’.

You were fully ready to shoot Tony down, but damn, he decides to be reasonable!?

‘I was thinking we can just put Vision in the mirror dimension and ask him to use it in a combination of ways. See what clicks. I mean if anyone would know, it would be Vision, right? Maybe if there’s a way to speak to him while he is IN the mirror dimension, we can remotely control it’  

‘I’ll have to ask Strange first’. ‘DO THAT’ Tony screams and Bruce jumps. ‘LET ME EAT MAN!’ he yells back.

You chuckle. ‘So… I'll email Strange then, shall I?’ ‘Yes. And kid?’

You roll your eyes but smile at the endearment. ‘Yes?’

‘You did good. I couldn’t have done it without you’.

You take the laptop from Tony’s hands and sit down to write the email to Strange.

_______________________________________________________________________

#loki #loki x reader #loki x you #marvel fan fiction #avengers fandom #loki fanfic #loki fandom #tom hiddleston #marvel avengers #loki fluff

[djmunden]

Thousand Scars Author Interview

Hey guys, back with a new isolation interview! I’ll have an SPFBO author interview ready for the weekend, but I’d like to bring back an old survivor of the Scar den in Deston Munden. Hope you guys enjoy! 

First of all, tell me about yourself! What do you write?

Hello again! I’m Deston J. Munden, former SPFBO writer and now resident stuck in the house author. I’m a science fiction and fantasy author who is surviving all this craziness by stuffing his head full on Dungeons and Dragons characters and learning how to cook neat food. I’m the author of two series, Dargath Chronicles and Dusk Orbit Blues, both which are getting an audiobook real soon. It’s a pleasure to be back.

How do you develop your plots and characters?

I’ve been asked this quite a few times and I never feel like my answers are satisfactory, but nevertheless true. They just kinda come to me. There are small inciting events that makes me want to develop a character or a plot. It could just be me sitting and reading. It could just me be playing a game or roleplaying a completely unrelated character.  From there, I put them on what I called the simmer mode. I slowly develop them in my head until they are ready for the drafting phase.

Tell the world about your current project!

Dargath is a fun, high fantasy world that I created a while back. It’s a world where everyone has magic and no one is truly human. I wanted to create a world where magic was a common stance and everyone has a degree of it that is unique to them. Also, I wanted a world where the reader doesn’t go in with the natural biasness of starting with a human. Yes, there are human-like races, but I wanted to have this mystical feeling to everything. The world is split into two continents, eight races, and plenty of subraces. It’s rich in history, politics, and turmoil while also having that classic dungeons and dragons type of feeling to the world. If that seems like your type of thing, try me out!

Who would you say is the main character of your latest novel? And tell me a little bit about them!

Ser Torlyek is the main character of the novel that is coming out later this year. I’ve been marketing him as Neville Longbottom meets Thor from the MCU and Steven Universe. He’s my first autistic main character who adores knights and honor beyond anything else. He’s also a complex character who has a deep backstory with his family. Duke’s Brand follows him as he comes to terms with who he is now as well as him making friends along the way. I hope that you guys enjoy him as much as I enjoyed writing him.

Have you been to any conventions? If so, tell me a little about them!

I’ve been to so many conventions! They are some of my favorite places to go for vacations. They are so lively and powerful, and you get to meet so many fellow nerds. My goal this year was to finally sell my books at a convention. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Now, I’m going through convention withdrawal. If you never gone to a convention before, I’ll honestly suggest that you try it out. There are so many cool things that you can find and you’ll meet so many cool people.

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

I realized that I wanted to be a writer when I was young. Luckily, none of my teachers tried to squash that love. Instead, they tried their hardest to cultivate the talent that they saw. I always wrote fan fictions and loved the creative writing assignments given to me. But, it wasn’t until after college where I realized this was a career I could do. Self-publishing opened an entirely new opportunity for me and ever since I’ve been pushing myself more and more to expand my dream into a reality.

If you had the opportunity to live anywhere in the world for a year while writing a book that took place in that same setting, where would you choose?

Rome, hands down. There’s so much history there that I would love to explore and set a story within. I think it would be fun to explore the mythology and the people of rome and wrapping that up in a story that I would write.

What advice would you give new writers?

Finish. That. First. Draft. I’ve seen so many new writers get into what I call the world building loop or worse the first chapter loop. Its when a new writer keeps world building or writing the first chapter endlessly until the end of time. That is not how you’re going to improve. You’re going to have to finish that first draft at one point or another. Not to say pre-writing is not important, however, if you’re stuck on it you need to start on the first draft. As a new writer, learning how to finish a project is key.

What real-life inspirations did you draw from for the worldbuilding?

Too many. I usually get inspiration from history, cultures, food, architecture, generally whatever that I think would make my world feel richer and livelier. Each of the races are inspired somewhat after certain regions of our world albeit blended in such a way to better fit the region I’m going for. I’ve used things from Africa, the Middle East, Medieval Europe, Egypt, etc to make my world feel stronger and cohesive. It’s a fun experience as a history and culture nerd.

What inspires you to write?

I enjoy it. That’s the long and short of it all. Writing is a passion of mine. I love sitting down at the computer and letting my imagination go wild. There’s a magic to it all. I used to write after I finished my schoolwork in class just for fun. I didn’t realize that was weird until my teacher saw me doing it while everyone else was playing games on the computer. Writing is my creative outlet and without it I might burst.

What is the hardest part of writing for you?

The hardest part for me is keeping the pace with everything. There’s a lot that goes into be an author. Some days I just want to sit down and write, but I know I can’t do that all the time. There are days where I’m going to have to research, do my social media, and market the books I already have released. Managing my time has become quite difficult.

What is your routine when writing, if any? If you don’t follow a routine, why not?

My routine is usually 8-4 every weekday. If I don’t follow this schedule, I will and can work myself to death.

What was your favorite chapter (or part) to write in any of your books, and why?

This is spoiler territory. There’s a certain scene in Tavern that I really enjoy that has made people lose their marbles and I always laugh manically about when I get a message about it. Recently though, I’ve been getting a lot of “OMG” about a certain scene in the middle of Dusk Mountain Blues. It makes me giggle. I might be evil.

What these two scenes have in common is that I throw the reader for a loop. I love doing that.  

Did you learn anything from writing your latest book? If so, what was it?

Writing Duke’s Brand and Dusk Ocean Blues taught me a lot how to condense my writing style a bit. Lately, I’ve been trying to hone my writing style a bit. I feel like writing these two books has helped that a lot going forward.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? A gardener or an architect?

I am definitely a pantser. I’m all about writing it and winging it until I get to the second draft.

If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to?

Definitely snacks. I can give up music if I had to, but snacks I need to survive. I can’t imagine how I’ll get through certain parts of my novel without snacking on some chips or some other ungodly unhealthy food or beverage.

Which is your favorite season to write in, and why?

Spring. There is something about the temperature and the outside environment that brings out the power in me.

It’s sometimes difficult to get into understanding the characters we write. How do you go about it?

It’s all about learning how that character ticks. The big thing I’ve realized about getting in the mindset of a character is knowing their motivation. A person drive and ambition tell a lot about the character as a whole and getting into the mindset of them. You gotta realize what they want to realize who they are. From there, I think, their personalities, dreams, relationships, etc becomes more apparent the more you write it.

What are your future project(s)?

Dusk Ocean Blues (Book 2 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

Undergrove (Book 3 of Dargath Chronicles)

Dusk Country Blues (Book 3 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

What is your favorite book ever written?

I’m pleading the fifth here. I enjoy all the books that I’ve written so far. There are parts where I feel like I’ve done better in this book while others in that one. So at the end the day, I can’t choose.

Who are your favorite authors?

Traditionally Published: Brandon Sanderson, Patrick Rothfuss, Michael J. Sullivan, Robert Jordan, Scott Lynch, Jonathan French, Brent Weeks, Sean Grisby, and Gareth L. Powell, Renee April.

Self Published: James Jakins, Emmet Moss, Deck Matthews, Andy Peloquin, Bernard Bertram, Garrett B. Robinson.

There’s probably a million more.

What makes a good villain?

A good motivation and a strong personality. I’m the type of person that enjoys a big personality in my villain over sheer fear and power they may possess. The villains that have a good time while also having depth speak out to me. Yes, I do enjoy the looming dark lord type villain as well, but if I can somehow get both I’m a happy camper.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Cooking! It’s my favorite past time other than video games and tabletop RPGs. I’m not as good as it as other people, but I’m trying my best and I’m learning every day!

If you couldn’t be an author, what ideal job would you like to do?

A chef! Like I said before, cooking is a fun hobby and being a chef/cook would be a fun job for me. I also like to bake, so a baker would be not too far behind. I just like working with food.

Coffee or Tea? Or (exult deep breath) what other drink do you prefer, if you like neither?

Tea! There are so many different types of teas and most which I can drink (because I can’t have a lot of caffeinated beverages). I prefer fruity teas, but I’m willing to try any of it.

You can travel to anywhere in the universe. Where would you go, and why?

Whew. I don’t know. I’ll probably want to try to find new planets to explore, specifically with new life.

Do you have any writing blogs you recommend?

No. I don’t have any writer blogs that I’ll recommend but check out the #writerblr tag on tumblr if you need any inspiration!

Do you have any writer friends you’d like to give a shoutout to?

Nicky Ball, Kathryn York, Hallie Fleischmann, Chris Barber, Dave Deickman, Emmet Moss, Bernard Bertram, and Deck Matthews to name a few!

Pick any three fiction characters. These are now your roadtrip crew. Where do you go and what do you do?

Clay Cooper from Kings of the Wyld, Matrim Couthon from Wheel of Time, and Wayne from The Alloy of Law.  

We’re gonna go on a rock-star tour and we’re gonna cause some trouble.

What superpower would you most like?

Super Strength. I know that’s a simple power to want to have but it would just make my life a whole lot easier. Being able to pick up a lot of things would be amazing.

What are two of your favorite covers of all time? (Not your own.)

Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

It’s a very difficult time right now for the world. When quarantine and pandemic comes to an end, what is the first thing you would like to do?

Travel more and meet some of my online friends. My goal this year was to travel more, get out there, and meet some of the people that I’ve been talking to for ages. The quarantine and pandemic put that to a screeching halt. I want to go to more conventions, I want to see more places, and I want just enjoy life more. This whole situation made me realize that I haven’t been out nearly as much as I want to be.

Finally, what is your preferred method to have readers get in touch with or follow you (i.e., website, personal blog, Facebook page, here on Goodreads, etc.) and link(s)?

Remember to follow me everywhere below and it was great coming back!

Website: www.djmunden.com

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Deston-J-Munden/e/B07Q2D6948/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SrBuffaloKnight

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authordjmunden/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/D.J.Munden/

Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18874896.Deston_J_Munden If you have Kindle Unlimited, both of my books are available there too!

#authorblr #writerblr #writeblr #author interview #interview #blog #blogpost #blogging #kindle unlimited #wriitng #amwriting #amediting #world building #LGBTQIA writer #asexual writer #writers #writerstip #indieauthor #indiepub #ebook #kindle #amazon #writermotivation #writeradvice

[ghost-of-box-five]

Thanks for the tag @1taliart-stargayce

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Ale, just what everyone calls me in real life tbh

2. When is your birthday?

November 22nd, so like last week...ish kind of?

3. Where do you live?

I happen to live in the land of ‘damn I wish my heater worked properly now that it’s getting cold’, also known as Spain

4. Three things you are doing right now?

So I’m preparing to go out and by a new sketchbook cause I’m running out of pages on my practice one, I’m also doing this and also thinking about the stickers I’ll print to add to the cover.

5. Four fandoms that you have piqued your interest?

This is gonna be fun cause they  have so little in common

-Transformers: From a young age I’ve loved them robots in disguise, I still love them but I’m not active in the fandom and it’s been a while since last time I drew my ocs or any fanart for that matter, but! I do read the comics and rewatch my fave shows from time to time.

-Wakfu: but in a very weird way as in I started playing the game after rewatching the show and then got too invested in the characters I created there and made a whole story on them, and like recently they’ve announced season four and suddenly I’m having the urge to draw my characters again.

-Phantom of the Opera: From a young age, just like Transformers, young me watched the 2004 film cried a lot and I’ve been a fan of PotO ever since, I was so excited when they streamed the 25th anniversary recording that I got really into it again...

-But then CATS happened! as in I liked Cats before but never got into the fandom or too into it, then the movie came, watched the 1998 version too and here we are now! 

6. How has the pandemic been treating you?

Thanfully not too badly!

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

So, cannot name any specific song cause my brain does this thing where it will only allow me to listen to one soundtrack on loop over and over again rahter than one single song. so currently? Hairspray and Cats, the Japanese cast recording of it

8. Recommend a movie

Oh boy, I haven’t watched one in a while actually, so I don’t have any recommendations for you

9. How old are you?

Turned 21 last week...ish

10. School, university, occupation, other?

University, and it’s a ✨struggle✨

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Cold, I cannot deal with the heat at all. Cannot sleep at all during the summers, cannot go out without the sun burning me to a crisp, and always am stuck babysitting younger relatives at the pool so not that fun either.

12. Name one fact that others may not know about you?

So I’m extremely shy when meeting others and so appear to be very quiet, but I actually was born with very loud speakers attached to me, but they only work properly when I know you (@/my irl friends and probably online ones i send voice messages to too I’m so sorry about being so loud )

13. Are you shy?

Extremely so, it’s yet another struggle

14. Preferred pronouns?

I go by she/her 

15. Biggest pet peeves?

When people touch my things without permission, even more so when they’ve been explicitly told not to do so. It really does get on my nerves.

16. What’s your favourite “-dere” type?

I don’t have a favourite really. Or like I haven’t thought abour this question until this very moment so I don’t have an answer yet

17. Rate your life from 1 to 10?

A solid 6

18. What’s your main blog?

Had another one but rn would say this one!

19. List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

None! but I’m so tempted to do one for Cats either just to post my Cats stuff or maybe an rp blog for my ocs or maybe both? I’m not sure (but the Cats sideblog is a real possibility tbh)

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I don’t think there is anything you’d need to know? other than maybe if you wanna chat or something just drop a message, I struggle with starting conversations cause I’m awkward as fuck a first, bu soon enough you’ll be having to deal with me sending you doodles at random moments of the day or showing you weird things I found while walking outside.

and Oh! If you message me and I don’t reply...message me again, chances are I was doing something or somehow I thought so hard about my own reply that I actually tricked myself into believing I’ve actually replied :’D

Now for the tags, not anyone in mind rn so if you see this and want to do it, here you go! I’m tagging you!

#ale screams into the void

[edelfliss]

Been thinkin about revisiting my ask-fellsansgore blog for a long while now as I kind of miss interacting with people in that format.  But, I don’t really like the direction the blog took, and I feel like I wrote myself into a corner with it.  There are so many things I wish I had done differently.  So, I do want to start a new Undertale blog, but in a sort of different way, and with a different AU.

I’ve recently gotten re-interested in the Fellswap gold au, and I feel like more could be done with it.  I feel that there’s untapped potential with it, and I’ve been musing about how I would write/develop it.  And I think I did come up with something good, and I want to share my interpretation of it in a sort of interactive, choose your own adventure style blog.

Like, the blog would be kind of like a text adventure, with pictures/drawings of course, and I would be the ‘narrator’, and give choices at various intervals, like: “you come across a nearly empty candy bowl” and the possible choices I would give for others to vote on would be “leave it alone”, “take one piece”, or “take the bowl”.  And then you guys would vote on what choice you want to pick, and I would write up and draw what happens depending on the winning choice.  Basically it would be like how Undertale is played, like a game, except it would be in blog format and you guys would be voting on what happens, and basically be guiding the story along.  Does that sound interesting?  Because I think it sounds like fun, and I would really like to give it a shot, I just don’t know if anyone else would be interested...

As a basic synopsis of my interpretation of the AU, basically humans went to war with monsters due to them being different, and had the advantage in the war because they had guns and tanks and stuff like that.  The monsters were then banished to live within Mt. Ebott, and to prevent any further aggression from the humans, the monsters made the magical seal to protect themselves as they started thinking that the caverns in the mountain were their only safe place.  But then after a while the humans start fighting each other over their own differences, and then they start banishing the different humans to Mt. Ebott.  Thinking that the humans were still pursuing them and wanting to kill them off for good, Toriel decrees that all humans who fall down must be killed.  The blog would start off with the legend opening, and then transition into a character creation, where you guys would be able to create the most recent fallen human and even give them a name and all that.

Since this is a fellswap au, I want to take inspiration mostly from Underfell, with some Underswap hints, as I feel like all of the fellswap and swapfell AUs only really take inspiration from the Underswap au, and don’t use much inspiration from Underfell aside from the edgy aesthetic.  I want to change that with this AU.

As for the monsters themselves, Asgore would be in the Ruins and suffer from mental issues due to losing his children and not being able to handle the deaths of the fallen humans.  Toriel sent him to live in the Ruins, thinking it would improve his mental state, but it only worsened it.  He thinks that any fallen humans who show up in the Ruins are his dead children, and will act as such.  Sans is part of the royal guard, and has the blacklist book instead of Papyrus.  He has the entirety of Snowdin under his thumb, and is feared by everyone who lives there.  He’s silver-tongued and is a control freak.  He has connections with the royal family, and can manipulate them - and others - into doing what he wants.  Papyrus rarely speaks, and usually communicates through written messages and gestures.  He’s fed up with Sans babying him all the time and being very overprotective of him.  This has led to Papyrus being very sneaky so he can do things Sans would normally be against.  Is very scared of the current situation going on in the Underground, and drinks coffee loaded with sugar to try and stay awake, as he doesn’t know what might happen - especially to Sans - if he falls asleep.  Just wants to make some friends, but due to his association to Sans, other monsters avoid him, thinking he would squeal on them to Sans.  Undyne is still captain of the royal guard, and has become the voice of the monster people, as things in the Underground aren’t doing so well.  Living conditions have worsened, nobody is being listened to especially by Toriel, nobody is allowed to speak their mind, and anyone who wants to leave the Underground is punished severely.  Undyne seeks to change all of that, and she has even started sparking and fanning the flames of a revolution to better their situation in the Underground.  She hates Sans because even though she outranks him, he’s favored by Toriel and has more power than Undyne does.  The two argue and squabble a lot.  Undyne does not wear royal guard armor as an act of defiance to Toriel and Sans.  She also wants to get Asgore out of the Ruins.  Alphys is even more reclusive than she is in Undertale.  She was forced by Toriel to turn Mettaton into a human killing machine, among other things she heavily regrets.  She worries constantly about going against Toriel for fear of punishment, and wants to do the right thing, but doesn’t want to get in trouble, and she gets stuck in these thought loops so often that it paralyzes her and she winds up not doing anything.  She and Undyne are currently dating.  Mettaton just wants to entertain, but has been turned into the poster boy for what Toriel wants the royal guard to be.  He has been programed to detect and kill any humans that happen to enter the Underground, and can’t fight back against it.  Toriel has deluded herself into thinking that the Underground was their only safe place, and to leave was unthinkable.  She’s trapped herself into thinking she can’t do anything, and that they were all helpless.  She also thinks of her subjects as misbehaving children that need to be disciplined when they act out.  She doesn’t really listen to anyone, expect for Sans, and the voice in her head telling her this was fine.

So yeah, these are just my thoughts and my own interpretation of the fellswap gold AU, and I have so much more that I’ve thought of for it and can’t wait to share.  But, I do want feedback, so... does this sound interesting at all?  I’d really like to know.  I mean, I’m gonna do it anyway, but still.

#Haru's ramblings #undertale #fellswap gold

[bizarrequazar]

Thrice Upon a Time novel notes

It was pointed out by @qmisato back on the 17th that the newly released English title of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 is taken from the 1980 novel of the same name by James P. Hogan. After finding a copy of it online, I decided to take it upon myself to read through it for anything that might relate to nge’s narrative. 

While I didn’t find anything WILDLY insightful, I did note down a few quotes that made me think of nge, which I’ve collected below along with some brief thoughts of my own. 

If anyone has questions about the novel, feel free to ask. The copy of the book that I read online can be found on openlibrary [here] though an account is needed to access it.

“You could send information back to a past universe, but you could never be affected by anything that anybody in that universe did as a consequence. It might help them, but it can’t help you. You could tell them not to do something that you did, but you’re stuck with it. So why should you bother? Why should you want to put that effort into helping somebody else solve his problems, even if he does happen to be an earlier version of yourself, when it’s not going to do anything to help you solve yours?” (pp.12) ((This immediately reminded me of Kaworu and loop theory, especially in regard to the fact that I’ve seen people call his character altruistic a number of times))

In chapter 5, the characters test their time machine by sending six-digit messages back sixty seconds (the machine’s current limit). After confirming that it works, the protagonist Murdoch decides to create a paradox by sending a message to a point in time where none appeared. The moment he gets the idea, numerous varied messages start to come in despite him continuing to send none. The characters theorize that this is evidence that alternate futures must have been affecting their present.  ((Reminded me of the Failures of Infinity from 3.0. Worth noting however that that title is taken from fansubs whereas the official subs use “those who failed to achieve infinity,” which may negate this proposed connection.))

In chapter 6, while testing the machine again, the characters receive a message warning them that they’re going to break a jar, resulting in one of the characters realizing his hand was nudging one towards the edge of a shelf. They avoid breaking it and send a message four minutes into the future asking if it broke, receiving a reply back that it did not (which they themselves send four minutes later). They theorize that, by sending the warning, the future in which the jar broke has been completely erased from ever existing. “But the only conclusion I can draw from what I’ve seen is that they no longer exist anywhere. The event appears to have been completely eradicated in some way. Have you considered the possibility that whoever sent that message succeeded in changing his own past, and in doing so, he somehow erased the universe in which he existed?” (pp.56)

“It meant that the universe could be represented by an ensemble of ‘events,’ each characterized by a set of energy states and spacetime numbers; nothing more. And in such a representation of the universe, conservation of mass-energy did not hold; it was replaced by a conversation of the product of that quantity with spacetime. By means of mathematical transforms, it was possible to transform one universe into another in which either quantity varied inversely with the other. [...] You could transform energy to time or vice-versa. [...] What it seemed to say was that energy could be extracted from the universe, which is where conventional conservation breaks down, and injected into another version of that universe in which the time coordinates of all the ‘events’ were shifted by some amount. The more energy you transformed, the greater the time-shift would be. [...] If that was interpreted as taking place in the same universe, it seemed to say that energy could be transferred through time.” (pp.63) ((Interesting to look at in the context of the similar-yet-different events of 1.0 and 2.0 in comparison to the original anime.))

“How do you think the number works out when you figure the same thing for when the whole universe caves in at the end of it all - the ‘Ultimate Collapse’? That’ll be the biggest black hole ever. Every particle of matter and photon of radiation would be squeezed into tau space and shot back through time. [...] It will reappear forty billion years into the past. That’s what caused the Big Bang! The Big Bang was the end of the universe projected back through tau space. They’re both the same thing!” (pp.243) ((Direct connection between Second and Third Impact perhaps? Thought not so for the original series, in 2.0 the visuals of Second Impact and its aftermath are VERY similar to those of Near Third Impact.))

Lastly worth noting is the source of the novel’s title: The book involves two times when the timeline of the story is “reset,” ie. they send information back to when the time machine was first established, thereby changing the greater events that followed. The happens once at the middle of the novel and once at the end, with only the final six pages taking place in the third timeline. 

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #Evangelion 3.0+1.0 #Evangelion 4.0 #Rebuild of Evagelion #nge #my nge tag #nge analysis