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roseychains · 2 days

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Make him jealous ~

A/n: entirely self indulgent.

C/w: written by a minor!, porn with minimal plot, marking, nipple play, fingering, oral (r!receiving), kissing, praise, gentle, idfk.

2 weeks. That’s exactly how long it had been since your now ex had suddenly cut contact with you. A long relationship you poured your heart into for months, gone without a second though, leaving you void, unable to enjoy anything. It was like you were a shell of the fun loving person you used to be. The joy sucked out, and all that remained was a sad, confused girl who was all but betrayed by the man she loved the most.

You hardly made it through the day without tearing up atleast a little. Everything hurt. It hurt even more when your friend, shoko, has shown you photos of your ex and his new girl. Cuddling in bed, his arm around her waist it was sensual. Your frustrations came pouring out to her. It hurt that you meant so little to him, he could move on so quick, he wasn’t hurting like you were. You wanted him to care, to hurt, to be jealous.

The topic continued to your lunch break, where you met up with 2 more of your colleagues, Gojo and geto. Your frustration seemed to radiate to the rest of the group, the 3 of them vocalizing their distain for the man, that you deserve better, he deserves to hurt, it’s almost like they wanted him to suffer more than you. But in truth, you just wanted him to realize what he lost, to make him jealous.

The sexual tension was thick. Talking about how you needed someone to mark you up and post it on media, to be fucked till you forget, to feel loved again, right in front of your 3 friends, all eyeing you like hungry predators ready to devour their prey. They were so tired of seeing you sad, watching as you slowly lost motivation and will power for all the thighs you used to love. So if anyone was going to do something about it, let it be them. They will make you feel better, like friends do.

Eventually, Gojo took the initiative to finally offer up his services. “I mean, you know the three of us would be more than happy too, you just say the word it will all be yours~” you felt yourself twitch with excitement, almost like a fantasy, to be in between the most attractive people you know. It wasn’t just you, they wanted you too, maybe even more so. Anything for their dear friend.

Finally, the trio came to a plan. They were going to dress you up, take you out, feed you, and fuck you till you feel nothing but pleasure. Then hold you tight till you fall asleep together. It began Saturday morning, breakfast Gojo paid for. You ordered pancakes, that satoru ended up sneaking a few bites of. Next, you were off to the mall.

It was fun, riding the carousel, getting small snacks here and there, but the real event was when you made it over to a high end store with gorgeous dresses. The boys had ran off, but shoko kept her hand in yours guiding you through the store and picking out dresses for you to try. She even came in the changing room to help you sip them, and give you her opinion.

One thing lead to another, she found herself getting handsy with your delicate body, her hands that had previously helped you slip in and out of your clothes was now tracking down your abdomen and dangerously close to your heat, covered only by lacey panties. You gasped as she began toying with your clit through the fabric, her other hand coming up to cover your mouth. “You wouldn’t want to get caught right? Be a good girl and keep it down”, she’d whisper sensually in your ear.

Her words shot right down to your cunt, throbbing with need. She wasted no time to slip her long fingers inside the hem, now. Rubbing them along your slit, feeling your wetness. “Your so fucking wet, my fingers are drenched baby. I can tell you want this.” You felt your eyes roll back against your skull as she plunged two long fingers inside your hole, giving you only a moment to adjust before roughly curling them inside you repeatedly.

Her assault on your core had your legs weak, threatening to fall down. “Careful, baby.” As she helped you to the small chair, fingers still deep inside you. She moves her mouth to leave small love bites on your neck, proof of what the two of you had done in the dressing room. Your hands flew up to hold on her shoulders as you felt yourself reaching your high. “Are you close? Go on then. Let me feel you.”

Your legs shook as you came on her fingers, and your sounds where muffled by her hand covering your mouth. After you came down from your orgasm, dress long forgotten, you put your clothes back on and left with the dress that you and liked the most, face still red and flustered from your exchange in the dressing room. Shoko held your hand as you made your way back to the boys.

The marks on your neck where painfully present, “with out me?” Gojo whined, earning him a smack on the side from geto. “Today isn’t about you, satoru. Anyway, shall we, princess?” His gaze, now back on you offering a gentle hand as you continued your day, until yourself and the trio made your way to the club. After sitting at the bar for a minute, drink in hand you made your way to the floor with the boys, shoko content with her drink.

You were face to face with Gojo, and his hand caressed your face. “You look so beautiful tonight, you know that?” Brushing the hair of your face with his fingers. You giggled and thanked him. He grabbed your chin, and leaned down into your ear, “I can’t wait to show you just how beautiful I think you are~” you felt shivers run up your spine, ones that where only exemplified as you felt a second pair of hands meet on your hips, getos face on the other side of your face behind you.

You were sandwiched between the two large men, you felt your heart facing. There hands roamed your body as much as public decency would allow them, peppering you with gentle kisses on your jawline and collar. As the night went on, the two men could feel themselves losing restraint, shoko getting needy as well. And after a few hours, they escorted you back to the car where the three of you arrived at the closest house, gojos, and hurried inside.

As soon as all of you stepped in, Gojos lips where immediately on yours, practically moaning into your mouth. Geto pulled him off, “let’s take this upstairs. Tonight is all about you, baby.” He picked you up bridal style the other two close behind, and paced to the master bedroom, an Alaskan king easily enough for the four of you. Conferring with you one last time that this was what you wanted, their clothes were being tossed on the floor. You moved your hands to lift up your dress, but Gojo quickly grabbed your wrists. “Let us do it, you don’t have to move a muscle tonight for that?” You nodded, as geto grabbed your dress lifting it over your head, and shoko unclamped your bra, your breasts falling on your chests. You were then layed on your back, and your stocking pulled off your legs, leaving you bare in front of them.

Shoko was the first to move. She grabbed your face and kissed you passionately, tongue diving into your mouth. she then trailed kissed down your neck before reaching your tits. “Fucking gorgeous girl.” She popped one of your buds into her mouth, swirling it around while grabbing your other, fondling your chest.

Meanwhile, the boys layed down settled between your legs, your thighs on either side of their faces. With one hand, both held up your leg and started on your thighs, kissing and sucking on them before they both meet at your heat. Suguru went first, pressing a kiss too your clit before taking the bud into his mouth, “mmm s’ good” he mumbled into your cunt. Satoru took his fingers up to your hole, teasing your entrance before gently pushing in two fingers, making your back arch into shoko. “Careful, sweetie. Tell me if you need anything to change mkay?” Gojo reassured as he began pumping his fingers in and out.

Shoko continued her work on your chest, occasionally letting up to take your mouth in hers, sucking up all your moans, when she remembered your earlier words, reaching for her phone. She held it up enough to show off all the marks on your neck and collar, without getting your boobs in the shot. She snapped the photo, kissed your cheek and hit post.

Geto was making sloppy work of your cunt, eating you out like his life depends on it. His moth was ravenous, mumbling praises here and there relishing in your taste. “Could eat you like this forever, fuck.” Satoru was busy fingering you and kissing every inch of your body, his other hand rubbing gentle shapes into your thigh. “You’re so fucking pretty. We don’t deserve you.”

The combination of stimulation quickly accumulated, you tried to let out a warning before you came, shaking and arching off the bed. On nights like these, one time was enough, and you just wanted to sleep now.

“Do you want a bath? Something to drink?” Geto questioned. “No,” you murmured, “just get me some clothes and hold me till I’m asleep.” And so they did. You lay in the middle, shoko cradling you on one side, satoru the other, and geto holding onto both you and shoko.

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ladykailitha · 22 hours

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Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 7

I know, I know. I put out a chapter recently for this one. But it was the closest to being done after my elbow started feeling better so it got to go first.

In case anyone was curious, this is the song that the title is based on. It's from the musical The Scarlet Pimpernel and it's about the lead, Sir Percival Blankney trying to get his friends to help rescue nobles in France during the French Revolution.

Steve is going to have a very rough go of it for the next couple of chapters. but we're nearing the third season so that should be fun (it might get glossed over a bit for the sake of this story's plot, as it's more about Eddie and Steve then the events of the show).

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

****

Steve was taking a break from doing homework to work on his next comic. This one was a little bit more dangerous to put to paper in the sense that even the dumbest agent would immediately know what he was referencing. Well maybe not immediately, but definitely by the end.

But to the people who didn’t know that underneath their feet was this massive alternate dimension filled with murderous monsters? It was the easiest to hide. Giant wolves in a junkyard? The spunky new character who had more sass in her pinkie than the entire rest of the Party combined and considering Dustin was in this one, that was saying something.

He was lettering his favorite exchange between Max and Dustin. Her calling Steve insane and Dustin saying that he was awesome.

He could be both.

Really, all he needed to do was finish up the lettering and he would done. Then he could actually give it to Eddie and not chicken out this time.

Last time, he had brought it over to show Eddie, but had gotten cold feet at the last minute. Not that it had mattered, the ever loving idiot that he was had left it at the trailer anyway.

He already had his note to Eddie explaining the real events behind the comic on the back. Again with the instruction to do away with that page after he had read it.

He really, really didn’t want either of them in trouble with the Feds.

Steve looked up at the clock and sighed. If he wanted to get his homework done, he’d have to get back to it. He knew he really didn’t have to work that hard, having graduation in the bag, but he couldn’t help try anyway.

Plus at least two of his teachers had threatened to prevent any student who slacked off in class from walking in graduation. And he didn’t doubt that a least two others would do it, too, they just hadn’t said the quiet part out loud.

He put aside his comic and pulled his history book closer to him. He sighed again when he saw that he had barely done two questions. He dug the palms of his hands into his eyes and rubbed them.

He could do this.

****

Steve had been invited to a couple of graduation parties, one from a couple drama geek friends and another from Lyle on the swim team. Was even hosting one of his own.

Thankfully none of the were on the same night and he could do all three. Eddie wasn’t going to any of the ones he’d been invited to. Including Steve’s.

And as much as that hurt, Steve understood. He didn’t think that he could stand there with people graduating, knowing that he wasn’t going to be on that stage with them.

****

Marty, Janice, and Steve were all standing in the corner at the drama club party, drinks in hand and wishing to be anywhere but there.

“I’m just saying,” Steve muttered for the tenth time since he got there, “that we pick up Eddie and some real booze, drive out to the quarry and get proper shitfaced.”

Marty rolled his eyes. “So you keep saying. But I can’t if my parents find out I’ve ditched the party, I’ll be grounded until I go to college.”

He took a sip of his punch and winced. It wasn’t even alcoholic. It was Sprite and Kool-aid. Lime Kool-aid, no less. With lemon/lime soda? At least use it to spike cherry or some shit.

Janice suddenly ducked behind Steve and hid her face into his back. “Shit, it’s Tammy Thompson.”

Tammy walked up to Steve and Marty.

“Hey, guys,” she said cheerfully. “Glad you two could make. I heard Janice was going to come, have either of you two fine fellas seen her? I wanted to talked to her about where’s she going to college, just to see about what her prospects were.”

Marty and Steve shared a glance and then Steve frowned.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said, “she did stop to chat with us briefly, but then she moved on.”

Tammy pouted. “Well thank you anyway.”

She wandered off and Janice hissed, “So you could degrade them and make sure not to apply there, because they were beneath you, you hell beast.”

Marty snorted.

Steve just shook his head. He dumped his almost full plastic cup into a nearby garbage. “You guys can stay here if you want, but I’m out of here. I’ve been to some pretty lame parties, but this one takes the cake.”

“I’m with you there,” Janice agreed. “How about you Mart? You coming?”

Marty winced again and looked around. The music wasn’t loud enough to be heard and they were standing pretty close to the speakers. The food was just chips and store bought cookies. The drink was nasty as hell.

“Come on,” Steve said gently tapping Marty’s elbow. “At least let me give you a ride home.”

Marty deflated and tossed his cup in after Steve’s. “You’ve got me there, man. Yeah. Let’s go.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief.

He led the way out to his bimmer and went to go dig out his keys out of his pocket when he was spun around roughly.

“Hey!” Janice cried.

Steve gulped. He was looking into the very furious and drunk face of Kyle Carver.

The asshole who had tried to sabotage Steve’s performance as Thomson in the school play by dumping water all over him.

He had been expelled and no doubt blamed Steve for that.

“It should have been me!” Kyle screamed in his face. “You ruined my life Harrington! You’ll pay! I’ll see to that!”

Then he took a swing at Steve. Steve managed to move to the side enough to have Kyle miss, but it was a near thing. He pushed Kyle’s chest.

“Back off, man!” he growled. “You ruined your own fucking life. You cheated on the audition, you tried to dump water all over me because you couldn’t get over the fact that I’m just better than you.”

He turned around to get into the car, but Kyle slammed his head into roof of the car. Marty and Janice screamed, hurrying to get over on the other side of the car.

Steve turned around and touched his forehead. His finger came away with blood. “You’re going to regret that, Carver.”

Kyle scoffed. “Billy told the team what an absolute pussy you are, Harrington. You couldn’t fight your way out a paper bag now that you don’t have that freak Munson around as your guard dog.”

Before Marty or Janice could stop him, Steve swung with everything he had.

CRACK!

Kyle stiffened like a board and went down.

Marty and Janice skidded to a stop to look down at the now unconscious Kyle Carver.

“What the fuck did you just do?” Marty asked in awe.

Steve wiped the blood off his forehead and spat on Carver. “What I should have done from the beginning. Take those assholes out. I was just afraid of what my dad would if I was caught fighting again after the incident with Byers.”

He gestured to Marty. “Come on, help me get this idiot off the side of the road.”

Steve lifted under his arms, while Marty and Janice moved him off onto the grass.

A passing sophomore saw them and made to open his mouth to scream.

“Hey, hey,” Steve said softly. “He’s just had a little too much to drink and hit his head. So why don’t you keep an eye on him for us.”

The sophomore nodded and the three of them slipped into Steve’s car, Janice at the wheel.

****

Eddie opened his trailer door and looked down at the trio of them getting out of Steve’s car.

“And just what did you two do to my boyfriend?”

Janice laughed and waved her hand at Steve’s smeared with blood forehead with a grin. “This? Oh this is nothing. You should see the other guy.”

Eddie sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “What other guy?”

“Kyle Carver tried to get in Steve’s face and smashed his head onto the roof of the bimmer. So Steve here, just turns around and lays him out flat. It’s a good thing I could tell he was breathing, because holy shit, did Kyle go down hard.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at Steve.

Steve shrugged. “It’s the reason I don’t get into fights. I don’t know my own strength.”

The other three looked at him in a mixture of shock and awe.

“Get your ass in here,” Eddie huffed. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”

Steve, Marty, and Janice made it up the steps and Eddie held open the door for them to all file through.

Steve sat down on a kitchen chair so Eddie could have a look at him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first, sweetheart,” he murmured on his way to the bathroom.

He came out moments later with a large first aid kit and a damp wash cloth.

“Wow,” Steve said as Eddie set the kit on the counter. “You’re med kit is almost as impressive as mine.”

Wayne, who had been sitting on his recliner this whole time, snickered. “Eddie was very accident prone when he first hit puberty. All limbs and no idea where to put them. Plus, the bullying. I got the best I could afford just to keep up on it all.”

Eddie blushed a deep red as he wiped off Steve’s forehead. “The cut isn’t that bad, head wounds just bleed a lot. You’ll get more of a bruise than anything else.”

Steve nodded.

“I get why Eddie has an extensive med kit,” Marty huffed. “But why do you have an extensive med kit, Steve?”

Steve threw back his head and laughed. “I babysit six barely teenagers. One plays basketball and another skateboards. Plus, there’s Dustin who is just a walking disaster because he always has to be right and has absolutely no fucks to give to his general surroundings.”

Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes. That was a really good description of Dustin if he was honest. He liked the kid. He did. But low wisdom and high intelligence made for quite the disaster.

Janice nodded. “Yeah. I could see that. My little brother rollerskates and he is a menace on wheels I swear to god.”

Eddie finished putting on the band-aid and then kissed Steve forehead better.

“I’m sorry Carver was an ass,” he said packing away the first aid kit. “But I’m glad you won.”

“Steve told some kid to watch Carver because he was drunk and passed out,” Janice said gleefully. “So even if he does remember the encounter he knows he can’t say shit because then he’d have to admit to assaulting Steve first.”

Eddie kissed Steve again, this time on the cheek. “My super clever boyfriend.”

Wayne grunted as he got to his feet. “Come on, Marty and Janice,” he muttered. “I’ll take you home. I don’t trust this idiot to drive.”

“Hey!” Steve and Eddie protested together.

Wayne just shook his head as if they proved his point.

Janice and Marty said their goodbyes and followed Wayne out.

“Let’s get you some aspirin and into bed, darlin’,” Eddie cooed.

Steve nodded and followed Eddie into the bedroom.

He stripped down to his underwear and climbed under the covers. As he drifted off, he smiled softly to himself. It was nice to be taken care of for a change.

Just before he fell into a deep sleep, he felt a warm hand card through his hair and a soft kiss on his hair.

“Sleep well, Stevie.”

****

In case you guys don't remember, Kyle is the one that got suspended when he tried sabotage Steve's performance as Sec. Thomson in the musical 1776.

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#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #boy with a bat

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slytherinsrule89 · 2 days

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Hello! How are you?

Would you comfortable writting something about the reader having autism and how they would be with her?

Or maybe like a story when they stand up for reader (either because someone makes fun of their stims or something like that)

Thank you 🖤

Okay, I had to do a bit of research because I wanted it to be accurate enough that it actually correlates to autism so I hope I did well, you can correct me on anything if need be :)

Tom

Tom had noticed that you had been stressed lately and was making sure that you had some cool downtime. Right now you two were resting in the common room working on some homework. But it was quickly that you had started stimming in order to calm your body down. Tom had noticed you rocking a bit back and forth, along with finger flicking. He was smart and knew exactly what was happening.But what he also noticed was a few other students doing those same motions in a mocking way. Obviously they hadn’t seen the look on Tom's face yet because if they had, they’d be sure to run out of there quickly. Not wanting you to see what they were doing he calmly took you back to his dorm without a word, setting you on the bed and putting your books on his bed so you could relax in the change of environment. The next morning in the Great Hall three students were presumed missing. Coincidentally the three that were mocking you just yesterday

Blaise

Blaise was always good with helping you with things like stimming when you were overstimulated or anxious. Though one thing that he did notice was the looks people had given you when those stims happened. They’d either be giggling and whispering to each other or even openly mocking the moves that you do. Blaise hated it and was willing to do anything to stop it. This particular time you two were sitting in class. Unfortunately for you the professor had stepped out and the students started getting rowdy. The noise got to be too much and you had started stimming. Your hand was flapping, body tense. Blaise who was sitting next to you noticed quickly and went to comfort you. However, he was cut off when he noticed some boys flapping their hands mockingly and laughing. It didn’t last long though as Blaise was quick to stand up and storm to them. It wasn’t often that people could piss off Blaise so the boys shut up and sat down right away, after Blaise made it clear that if he saw it again it wouldn’t end well.

Theo

As we all know Theo has had his fair share in fights. So the second he saw anyone making fun of you or mentioning it in that condescending tone, he’d be in action. It had just happened not too long ago while you two were taking a walk and your stimming had started and just as he was going to sit down with you to calm you down he saw a small group of students giggling and whispering as they pointed at you. And to keep it short, Theo was furious. But there was no way that he was going to fight someone in front of you. So logically he kept by your side for the rest of the day, noting anyone else who had made fun of you. By the end of the day there were about 5 different students beaten and bruised up all laying in the hospital wing. They wouldn’t say who did it, but by your boyfriends bloodied and beaten up knuckles you could tell what happened. You just didn’t know why. Theo kept refusing to tell you mainly because he didn’t want your feelings to be hurt when he did so he simply said, “Nothing for you to worry about cara mia.”

Mattheo

Mattheo was resting with you on his chest. You two had been in class just earlier but were excused when you had been overstimulated and started stimming. The professors had understood your diagnosis and also knew that Mattheo was practically the only one who knew how to calm you down properly and he was also the only one you'd let calm you down as well. When he saw a few other students snickering to each other he was already about to beat them to a bloody pulp right there. And with the look on his face anyone could tell he’d do it too. That look was exactly what had stopped the students giggling about you as they went completely silent knowing it was a death wish to get on his bad side. Mattheo was calm now as you laid on his chest, headphones on to block out noise, and your eyes closed peacefully. He had always been glad that he was your safe spot. No matter what you’d always come to him for anything. It was a nice change of things for him and he couldn’t be happier about it.

Enzo

Although Enzo was often seen as kind or innocent he could really be the opposite most times. But when he saw people making fun of your stimming and small habits he was livid. He went straight up to them telling them off in front of everyone that gathered around them. When he walked back and didn’t see you he quickly ran off to his dorm knowing you’d be there. Opening the door he saw you rocking back and forth with noise canceling headphones on. Enzo knew that you were probably even more overwhelmed from the yelling and all the gathering people and felt a bit bad. He walked over though, making his presence known to you so that he didn’t frighten you more and sat down beside you. Making sure that you were alright if he touched you first, he then carefully brought you into his lap and kissed the top of your head. After a while of him rocking you back and forth like you had been doing before you ended up falling asleep right in his lap.

I hope you enjoy 😊

#slytherin boys #slytherin #:) <33 #blaise zabini #theo nott #lorenzo berkshire #tom riddle #mattheo riddle #autism #autistic reader #x reader

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woah-were-halfway-there · 2 days

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The Makeup

aka, The Fight: Pt. 3

a/n: alrightyyyy here's the last part of this bit of the series. i think after this i'll go back to writing the scare when little man is born and mia becoming a big sister if y'all are still wanting to read that :)

word count: 9.3k

“You’re sure you’re ok?” Lexie asked from the other end of the phone. “Do you want me to come to Toronto this weekend? We can do something fun. Get you out of Mitch’s condo and do something other than work.”

“Lexie, I’m fine,” Carson told her best friend while nodding a quick thanks to the Starbucks barista who handed her the drink she ordered. It was nearing the end of her lunch break at work, and this was her last stop before returning to the office. “You’re in Chicago, babe. You don’t have to come all the way here for me.”

“Carson, you’re not fine, so don’t even try to lie to me about it.”

Carson sighed and tried to keep her composure because she didn’t have it in her to cry again.

“I’m trying to be fine, Lex.”

It’d been 13 days since Carson and Auston's fight after she found out he’d been charged and tried keeping it from her. That also meant Carson had been staying with Mitch and Steph for 13 days, and it’d been 13 days since she last spoke to Auston.

Following the fight with Auston, Carson missed a couple of work days as her depression about the situation made her feel like she couldn’t get out of bed. By the end of the work week, she returned to the office only briefly but decided to take an impulse trip to Vancouver to see her dad and sister, Mya and get out of Toronto for a little bit as she navigated her feelings.

After returning from Vancouver three days later, things went back to normal for Carson. Well, as normal as they could.

She went back to work, all while acting like nothing was out of the ordinary and continued staying in the spare bedroom at Mitch and Steph’s place. But she still hadn’t talked to Auston about anything because she didn’t know how.

Carson’s friends and colleagues at work noticed something was up. Gone was the friendly, bubbly girl they came to know and loved having as a new addition to the office, as she became a much quieter and mopey version of herself. To them, it was apparent something had happened, but they didn’t want to overstep if she didn’t want to talk about it.

Two people in that office knew what was happening. Max and Tara worked directly with Carson on the same projects, and in the short month and a half Carson had been working there, she immediately clicked with them. They knew all about Carson’s relationship with Auston, having even met him in a non-work setting when the three of them went out for drinks, and he chatted with them for a little bit before driving himself and Carson home. They knew how absolutely in love Carson and Auston were with each other and how this fight affected Carson.

Max and Tara were Carson’s rock in the office, and despite feeling her chest get heavy while talking on the phone with Lexie, she knew they’d help her get through the rest of the day.

“I know you are, babe,” Lexie spoke softly and sighed, bringing Carson back to reality. “I’m just worried about you. And I miss my best friend.”

“I know, and I appreciate you,” Carson told her honestly. “I miss you too, so freaking much. But I don’t want you to come here while I’m like this. I know you’ve seen me in a worse state, but I’m just trying to decide what I want to do about everything with Auston. This is fucking hard.”

“I still want to give Auston a piece of my mind, but for your sake, I won’t. At least not yet. Have you thought about reaching out to him so you can talk?”

“Of course I have. I miss him, Lex—more than I can explain. I miss him, our conversations, our routine, talking with his family, and the feeling of safety I had being with him. But whenever I think about any of that, I think about how he kept such a big thing from me, and it hurts. I almost cracked and told him I was at the game last week, but I knew he’d want to talk afterwards, and I chickened myself out.”

“I understand,” Lexie sighed again. “But Carse, I’m going to give it to you straight here, okay? If you don’t want to fix things, let Auston know. You also gotta let him know if you want to figure things out. It’s been two weeks, babe. As mad as I am at him for hurting you, I know this entire situation is killing him, too, and I really think he deserves to know where you stand.”

Carson took a moment to respond but slowly nodded her head as she entered the front doors of her office building.

“You’re right,” she agreed. “He’s given me space and been patient. I feel like I’ve been stringing him along, making him wait so long and in the dark. God, I just wish none of this happened.”

“I know, it sucks. But you’ll figure it out, babe. You always do.”

“Thanks, Lexie,” Carson responded and took a deep breath. “I plan on figuring it out soon because I’m over feeling like this. But anyway, I’m almost back in the office, so I've got to go. Love you. I’ll text you tonight.”

“Love you too, girly,” Lexie said. “Keep your head up, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

“Bye!”

Just as Carson hung up her phone and slid it back into her bag, the elevator door opened, and she quickly scanned her pass so she could be taken up to her office floor.

Once she was back at work, Carson was greeted by her coworkers as she passed them and headed toward her office. After she set her bag and iced coffee on the desk, her computer lit up and showed the time. She still had 20 minutes before her lunch was officially over, so she decided that was enough time to eat the last bit of food she had in the fridge.

Max and Tara were still in the breakroom when Carson entered, and she couldn’t help but smile at how it was just the three of them there.

“Carson!” Max greeted her excitedly and waved her over. “You have good fashion taste. Tell me what you think of this sweater. Tara thinks it’s too extra.”

“Let me see,” Carson replied as she grabbed her container of strawberries and joined the other two at the table. Once she was sitting, Max handed her his phone, showing a tie-dye sweater from a website he was looking at. “I like it. Auston has a similar one-.”

Carson immediately cut herself off and shook her head, taken back by her comment. In the last two weeks, she’d only mentioned Auston when talking about what happened. She hadn’t mentioned him in general conversation like she always did before their argument, which didn’t go unnoticed by Max and Tara as they sent each other knowing glances, and Max slowly took his phone back from Carson.

“Well, I doubt something like that would look as good on me as it does on Auston,” he said. “He looks fine in just about anything.”

“Oh, would you stop talking about her man like that? Go find your own to thirst over,” Tara scolded before glancing sideways at Carson and noticing she wasn’t reacting to what they were saying. “Speaking of Auston…”

“Hmm?” Carson hummed, zoning back in on what they were saying.

“Auston, babe,” Max spoke bluntly but softened his voice when Carson looked at him sadly. “Still nothing, huh?”

“No, we haven’t talked,” Carson replied, then stared down at her strawberries, suddenly losing her appetite.

Max and Tara looked at each other again and sighed, knowing full well the toll this was taking on their friend.

“I see you put your necklace back on,” Tara said, nodding to the designer white gold chain around Carson’s neck. “That was a gift from Auston, right?”

“Yeah, it was,” Carson explained as she gently brushed her fingers against the two bands that linked together in the middle, making her love necklace. “He got it for me when I graduated in June. I’d only ever taken it off to have it cleaned before I took it off after our fight. Not having it on felt weird, so I dug it out of my bag to wear it again.”

“I need a man who gifts me, Cartier,” Max tsked, hoping to ease the mood, but regretted it when Carson remained silent. “Carson, honey, is there anything we can do to help?”

“We hate seeing you like this,” Tara added, leaning over to squeeze Carson’s hand. Max quickly joined and placed his hand on top of both of them.

Carson relaxed at their gesture and smiled.

“Sorry, guys,” she responded and took a breath. “Unfortunately, I don’t think much can make me feel better until I talk to him.”

“Understandable,” Max told her with a soft smile. “But also don’t be hard on yourself for taking the time you need to figure out what you want to do.”

“Exactly,” Tara agreed. “If Auston were remotely the type of guy he’s always seemed to be to us, he’d be okay with you taking your time regardless of how he’s feeling.”

“You two always know what to say to make me feel better,” Carson smiled and squeezed both of their hands. “Thank you.”

“We got you,” Max stated.

“Always,” said Tara, patting Carson’s hand before pulling away. “We’ll let you eat your strawberries in peace.”

“OK, guys, I’ll see you out there.”

“And you better actually eat them, or we’ll have issues,” Max threatened as he pushed in his chair and sent Carson a slight glare before following after Tara.

Carson just shook her head as she watched them go, then glanced down at her strawberries again before picking one up and popping it into her mouth.

About 10 minutes later, Carson’s lunchtime was almost over. She stood up from the table and went over to the sink to rinse out her now empty container before heading back to her desk to prep for the remainder of the work day. However, just as she was about to exit the breakroom, she almost ran right into someone.

“I’m sorry,” Carson stammered as she stepped back and looked up to make eye contact with Spencer, another of her coworkers.

“It’s quite alright,” Spencer replied and smiled charmingly. “How are you, Carson?”

“Oh, uh, I’m alright, thanks. How was your weekend?”

“It was good, pretty uneventful.”

Spencer was nice. He had been nothing but friendly toward Carson since she started working in the office, but something just put her off about him. Spencer’s condo wasn’t far from the one she shared with Auston, and for a reason, Carson didn’t understand; he drove to work almost every day and always offered her a ride. Their office was located downtown. Therefore, driving wasn’t always necessary, but Carson would’ve been lying if she didn’t appreciate those rides on days she was running late or the weather was bad.

However, something still rubbed her wrong with him. Spencer was charismatic, meaning he was very good at conversing. He had a way with words and could chat with anyone about anything. But, he also made many comments that had Carson pausing, feeling as though he was hitting on her, which she’d always responded to, making it known she was in a relationship.

Spencer knew she was in a relationship, but there were still times he tested those boundaries, and Carson hated it. She didn’t think this would be one of those times.

“That’s nice,” Carson told him with a smile and internally hoped the conversation would end there. “Anyways, I should probably get back to my desk.”

Carson nodded, and Spencer did the same back, but before she could walk around him, he spoke up again.

“Wait, Carson, before you go, I was hoping I could ask you something.”

“Oh, sure, of course. What’s up?”

“Are you free to get drinks with me today after work?” He asked, making Carson go stiff.

“As colleagues?” Carson hesitantly asked, but she knew better. She was sure Spencer’s intentions weren’t just friendly, but that was a boundary she needed to set.

“I was thinking it could be more like a date if you’re interested.”

“Spencer, no. I have a boyfriend. I’m not interested in you like that at all. I’m sorry.”

Spencer’s entire demeanour changed at that.

“I see,” he said and adjusted his posture, looking slightly more intimidating. “I thought you and the hockey player broke up.”

“I- no, we’re still in a relationship,” Carson explained, despite feeling a little unsure. She and Auston were still together, right?

“You stopped mentioning him, and I noticed you turned the pictures of the two of you on your desk around, so I figured you called it quits.”

There was something about his tone that Carson didn’t like. Maybe it was ignorance. Perhaps it was arrogance. Either way, though, it pissed her off.

“We didn’t break up,” Carson confirmed out loud, mainly to reassure herself. “Things are… rough right now. But we’re still together.”

Spencer scoffed.

“I doubt this will be the only time he hurts you, Carson. Maybe you’re just too naive to see that.”

“And maybe you’re just a dick who made an assumption and then got his ego hurt by a girl who is not and will never be interested in him.”

Spencer blinked, surprised at how she snapped at him, but didn’t say anything.

“This conversation is over,” Carson continued, seething. “But before I go, just know that if you attempt to corner me or anyone in the office like this again, I’ll ensure HR knows all about it.”

Nothing else could be said, so Carson stepped around him and wasn’t stopped.

Part of her wanted to cry as she beelined for her office. She was annoyed and frustrated with the situation, but one thought was prominent in everything she felt: her desire to talk to Auston.

The remainder of Carson’s work day went by quickly despite an anxious nagging feeling she had. Spencer kept his distance while Max and Tara promptly addressed the tension between him and Carson, but not in a way Spencer would hear it. Tara immediately messaged in the group chat with Max and Carson, asking what happened, which Carson filled them in on. She ended the conversation by admitting that the ordeal with Spencer made her want to talk to Auston because she hated not knowing where they stood.

Carson then internally admitted that although she was still hurt and upset with Auston, she still loved him and wanted to be with him. But she didn’t know how to go about it. For all she knew, Auston thought she was overreacting and didn’t want to wait for her to come back around. Of course, she didn’t want to believe that could happen, but Carson’s brain could be so damn mean to her sometimes.

But that’s what she needed to remind herself. Her brain was just mean. There was no way for Carson to know the future of her and Auston’s relationship if she didn’t talk to him. It wasn’t fair to Auston or herself to make assumptions and let that scare her away without first talking to him about it.

Her mind was scrambled, so Max and Tara convinced her to leave the office early and have time to collect her thoughts in a place that wasn’t the office. Carson was hesitant to leave early, but she had completed everything she needed to do that day before her lunch break and got a head start on some other things despite feeling all jumbled. About an hour went by, and she was still on the fence about leaving, but that changed when Spencer went to the photocopier that directly viewed Carson’s office despite a different photocopier being closer to the break room and his office.

Carson went stiff when she saw him walk by and didn’t miss the way he looked into her office as he went. He said nothing, but Carson was not up for playing any of his petty little games. So, after sending a message to her supervisor explaining all the work she’d completed that day and asking if it was alright if she went home early, Carson wasted no time packing up her things and leaving the office once told it was okay to leave. She didn’t even look in Spencer’s direction as she stormed out of her office, only stopping to say bye to Max and Tara and waving at those she passed on her way out.

When Carson arrived at Mitch and Steph’s condo, it was quiet. She knew Steph had things to do that day, meaning her friend probably wasn’t home, but she wasn’t sure about Mitchy.

The Leafs played against St. Louis that night, so it was likely that her cousin was home having a pregame nap before he had to get ready to go to the arena. Carson glanced at her watch to see it was nearing three in the afternoon. Therefore, it’d be odd if Mitch wasn’t home, so she tried her best to be quiet as she took off her heels before heading to the guest room to put her work things in there and maybe watch a show. However, she didn’t make it far when a familiar brown lab entered the hallway and rushed toward her excitedly.

“Hi, Zeusy boy,” Carson quietly greeted the dog as she crouched to his level and scratched behind his ears. “Is your dad sleeping?”

“Nah, I’m right here,” Mitch said as he entered the hallway. He was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, and his hair was dishevelled, showing that he had been lying down.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Mitchy. Did I wake you up?”

“No, you’re good. I was just scrolling on my phone. You’re home early, though. Everything alright?”

“Uh, yeah,” Carson mumbled as she stood back up and smoothed her blouse. “I finished all of my work early and have a really good start on the stuff I have to do for the rest of the week. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind. I know I’m not in the office for the rest of the week now because my boss is away, but I didn’t want to be there anymore today. ”

“I see,” Mitchy responded, then narrowed his gaze at his cousin, knowing something was bothering her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course, she wanted to talk to her twin about everything bugging her, but Carson didn’t want to bother Mitch with her problems.

“No, no, it’s ok. You have to start getting ready soon anyway. I think I’m just going to curl up and watch a show. Have a chill night in.”

“Carson.”

The look Mitch gave her as he crossed his arms showed that he wasn’t impressed by her answer, which made Carson sigh.

“Fine,” she huffed. “Let me change into something comfy, and then I’ll tell you.”

Mitch smirked at her triumphantly before calling for Zeus to follow him to the living room, and Carson went to the guest room. A few minutes later, she emerged in the hallway again wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, then made her way to the living room and curled up on the couch next to her best friend.

Carson spent the next few minutes telling Mitch what happened with Spencer at the office, including the back story of how he’d been flirty before despite knowing she was in a relationship. She then explained what Spencer said after she turned him down and what was on her mind afterwards.

“First off, fuck that guy,” Mitch said once Carson finished her spiel.

“I know, he sucks,” Carson agreed, then took a sip of the water bottle Mitch had grabbed for her.

“I’m glad you put him in his place, but it wouldn’t hurt to report him to HR or something, Carse.”

“I know, I’m going to tomorrow. I don’t want him to make anyone else in the office feel like I did today.”

“Good,” Mitchy replied, nodding his head, then stopping and glancing at his cousin again. “And you think you want to talk to Auston again now?”

Carson sighed.

“Yeah, I do. I miss him, Mitchy, and I need to know where we stand. It’s just frustrating because I still don’t know what I feel or what to do, but I know I need to talk to him. How is he? Is he good?”

“Matts? I mean, yeah, he’s alright. Same old now that the season has started. Not much else is going on at the moment. He asks about you a lot, though. Every day I see him, actually. He misses you too, Carse. I don’t want you to think he doesn’t. But, you gotta do what you think is best for you.”

“But I don’t know if what I want is what’s best for me,” Carson stressed, pushing her hair away from her face as she inhaled. “And that’s the thing. Can I trust Auston again after keeping such a big thing from me? I may have never known if the media didn’t get their hands on the information. Although part of me wishes I was as oblivious to the fact as I was two weeks ago, I still can’t believe it even happened and knowing that it did is a lot. But this is something I’d want to know. I just- how many other significant things hasn’t he told me? Is it too naive of me to want to think he wouldn’t keep something like this from me again?”

“It was extremely dumb for him not to tell you,” Mitch started. “It was even more ridiculous for him to do what he did, whether it was a drunken mistake or not. I will say, though, Auston seems to be learning from it. He’s trying, and that’s really all anyone can ask for. Of course, it doesn’t improve the situation, but he’s being cooperative. And I know one thing he really wants to fix is his relationship with you as he navigates moving forward from this. However, if you don’t think that’s best for you, you’ve gotta listen to that. I can’t see you tearing yourself up because of a relationship again, Carse. I’ve already made Auston clear of my feelings about the situation, and we’re okay now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to say, ‘Yes, you two should figure things out and not break up.’ I love you and Auston together and am always rooting for you guys, but I’ll always care most about your happiness. You’re my best friend. And if you think Auston is who will still make you the happiest, you can’t let anyone make you think otherwise. If you can forgive him, great. But if not, I’ll still be in your corner and we’ll figure it out.”

Carson stayed silent for a moment, processing Mitch’s words. She inhaled deeply, reached up to wipe away a tear that broke free from her watering eyes, and then sniffled before looking back at her cousin.

“I wish I knew what to do, Mitchy. I wish I could go back to him and not be afraid he’d hurt me like this again. And I know I may have overreacted when all of this happened, but it was like being slapped in the face. I was blindsided, and now I feel like I’m in a hole. I don't know how to escape.”

“I know,” Mitch told her softly. “But I think you gotta do what you told me when we started this conversation, and that’s talk to Auston. You won’t know what you want regarding your relationship with him if you don’t.”

“You’re right,” Carson agreed. “I just have to build the courage to reach out to him. It should probably be soon, though, huh?”

“Carson, let me tell you it has been so pathetic seeing him mope over you,” Mitchy stated, making Carson cover her mouth, attempting to hide her chuckle. “Like good, he should know he fucked up, but Auston is so miserable because he misses you, and I can’t even tease him about it because the nice guy in me doesn’t want to make him feel worse.”

“Wow, how considerate of you,” Carson teased while Mitch nudged her with his shoulder. Carson pushed back, but soon enough, they stopped, and Carson leaned her head onto her cousin's shoulder. “Thanks for always looking out for me, Mitchy.”

“Gotta make sure my twin is always okay,” he responded, leaning his head against hers. “Like your mom used to say, it’s the two of us against the world.”

“It is. And I’m lucky to have you as my best friend backing me up every step of the way.”

“You really are stuck with me.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Carson chuckled, then sat up again so she could look at Mitch. “But, you need to start getting ready, or else you’ll be late.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Mitch stated, quickly getting off the couch to gather his things. “You’re coming to the game tonight, no?”

“I don’t think so, Mitchy. I’m going to watch from here with Zeus. I don’t want to be back there just yet.”

“OK, fair. You’re welcome to join us after the game, though. Steph will want you there. I can give you a heads up if Auston comes out or not, too.”

“I appreciate it, but I’m ok,” Carson insisted. “I think I’m going to watch the game from here and think about what to do.”

“Alright. Promise to update me if anything happens or you decide you do want to come out?”

“I promise. Now go get ready.”

Mitch was ready and out of the condo within half an hour. Once he was gone, Carson put on Netflix and watched an episode of her show with Zeus before Steph got home. She was in a rush, too, having to get ready since she was going to the game that night with some of the other girlfriends. She tried multiple times to convince Carson to join her, but Carson was adamant about having an evening to herself, which Steph respected.

“I know you don’t want to come, but you’re sure there’s nothing I can do before I leave?” Steph asked as she battled with zipping up one of the tall boots she decided to wear that evening.

“I’m sure, Steph. You and Mitch have done enough for me,” Carson told her. “Go have fun tonight.”

“I’d have more fun if you came with me,” the blonde pouted, making Carson roll her eyes and smile at the dramatics. “But it’s fine, I’m fine. I’m sure Zeusy will love having you to hang out with.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Carson then began scratching behind Zeus’ ears, which earned her a content noise from the chocolate lab before Steph spoke again.

“Ok. I’m going. You know to help yourself to any food or whatever, but please text me if you need anything or change your mind about coming.”

“You know I will,” Carson told her honestly. “I’ll watch from here and see you when you’re back tonight.”

“Ok, ok, I won’t press you anymore,” Steph said as she came over to give Zeus some love before leaving. “Alright, actually going now. Love ya!”

“Love ya too, have fun!”

And with that, it was just Zeus and Carson watching another episode of her show before it was game time.

Soon enough, the game started, and Carson hated that seeing Auston on the TV screen was still enough to feel a pang in her chest, but there was no arguing, just how much she missed him. As the game went on, Carson found herself paying more attention to Auston whenever the camera showed him than she did to the actual game, and before she knew it, the game was over.

The Leafs lost to the Blues, but Carson kept the channel on as post-game media started. She watched Will and Freddie do interviews and then felt her breath hitch when Auston came on the screen again. Hearing his voice answer questions about the game really hit her. It’d been almost two weeks since she last heard it, yet it still soothed her. She watched the entire interview, noticing how, along with the silver chain Auston wore around his neck, he was also wearing the Cartier love necklace that matched the one she wore. Both pieces of jewelry peaked out from Auston’s shirt, but when reporters kept bombarding him with questions, Carson noticed how he reached up to fiddle with the love necklace, gently rubbing his thumb over the two circles that linked in the middle.

It was then Carson decided she needed to talk to him as soon as possible. She wasn’t beating around the bush anymore; she knew they needed to speak, and there was no point in pushing it back then chickening out. But, as she waited to reach out to Auston, hoping he was home, her nerves returned, and she started convincing herself it wasn’t a good idea.

Carson’s heart pounded as she glanced at her phone again from where it lay between her and Zeus on the couch and debated what to do.

It was nearing 10:30pm. It had been over an hour since the game ended, and Carson knew Mitch and Steph wouldn’t return home immediately. Instead, they had plans to go out with some of the other guys and their girlfriends since the Leafs didn’t play for another few days. Mitch and Steoh invited Carson to join again, but she declined because she felt uncomfortable being the odd one out.

Carson didn’t know if Auston went with the group. There was a good chance that he did, and that was feeding into her debate about not calling him, but she wanted to. She needed to talk to him.

So, with a deep breath to calm her heart, Carson unlocked her phone. She opened the messages app and didn’t need to scroll to find her conversation with her boyfriend.

Carson felt like the wind was knocked out of her when she saw Auston’s name with the red heart emoji beside it and the photo of them in Arizona that past summer set as his contact picture. That feeling didn’t go away as she glanced at the text thread between them.

Despite not properly talking for almost two full weeks, Auston still messaged her every one of those days since their fight, saying that he loved her, missed her, was sorry and hoped she had a good day. The day after their fight, he still tried calling in hopes that Carson would pick up, but during his talk with Mitch, he was reminded that his constant calling was a bit overwhelming for her as she navigated her feelings about the situation. So, Auston opted to send texts.

Carson didn’t read or respond to any of those texts when she received them, but she found comfort as she scrolled through and read each one at that moment. In the days following their argument, she didn’t know what to think or feel, but receiving those texts made her feel normal. They were part of her routine, and although it was hard for her not to read them or respond, Carson thought she couldn’t until she knew what she wanted to say. Auston continued to send those messages despite her ignoring them, showing that he still cared and was willing to be patient with her like he always had been for the entirety of their knowing each other.

This was why Carson decided it was her turn to be patient with him and hear him out in a calmer setting than the last conversation they had almost two weeks prior. So, with another deep breath, she tapped his name at the top of the screen and hit the call button when it popped up.

It didn’t even take two full rings for him to pick up.

“Carse?” Auston’s voice sounded through the phone, making Carson’s breath hitch again. God, she missed him so much.

“H-hey,” Carson stammered before pausing in an attempt to recollect herself. “How are you?”

“I, uhm, I’m okay,” he responded, sounding surprised and as if he was still processing that he was talking to her. “Busy with hockey stuff, same old. How are you?”

“I’ve been better, and I’m sure you are. I still can’t believe you’ve got that ‘A’ on your jersey now, Aus. You deserve it. I was so proud seeing it for the first time in person during the home opener.”

“You were at that game?”

Carson nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Yeah,” she almost whispered. “Mitch and Steph were trying to convince me to go 'cause I was originally going to watch from their place, but I didn’t decide until the last minute to actually go. So, I bought a ticket and went alone.”

“I wish you had told me,” Auston told her softly, which pulled on her heartstrings. “I would’ve wanted to know that you were there.”

“I know, but I didn’t know how Auston. Just seeing you out there made me so happy but so sad at the same time.”

Auston sighed at that.

“Carson, please know how sorry I am. I’ve spent the last two weeks beating myself up so much over this, and not saying I don’t deserve it, but fuck. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Carson admitted, deciding there was no need to hide her feelings from him.

“Is that why you called?” Auston asked, his voice a mix of unsureness and hopefulness.

“It is. I, um, I know it’s late, but are you home? Maybe I could come over, and we can talk.”

“Yes, please. I just got back. Please come home er-, I mean over. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No, it’s okay,” Carson responded quickly, not wanting to be in such close proximity to him until she was at the condo. “Thank you, though.”

“Then, at the very least, let me order an Uber over here for you,” Auston suggested, not missing a beat.

“Auston, you don’t have to do that.”

“I insist. Please let me order it. I’d feel better if I could make sure you get here safely. Would they be picking you up from Mitch’s?”

“Ok,” Carson sighed in defeat. “And yes, it’s just Zeusy and me here.”

“Ok, perfect,” Auston said. “It says they’ll be there in five minutes. Is that too soon?”

“No, that’s great. I’ll put on my shoes and head downstairs.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Love y-,” Carson started but immediately cut herself off, then internally cursed herself because who was she kidding? Of course, she still loved him. “I’ll see you soon. Bye, Auston.”

Once she hung up the phone, Carson wasted no time getting off the couch and rushing to the front door to get her sneakers on.

“I’m sorry, Zeusy,” Carson muttered to the lab, who was rudely awoken from his slumber when she stood up but was still happy as he trailed after her. Zeus looked up at her expectantly, thinking he was going outside with her, and Carson felt terrible for leaving him behind, wasting no time to crouch down and pet him after her sneakers were on. “I know. I’m the worst for not taking you outside again, even though I did an hour ago. But how about I give you a treat? Will that make up for it?”

Zeus’ tail started wagging at that, so Carson quickly stood up straight again and ran into the kitchen to grab him a treat. Then, with one final pet goodbye, she rushed out the door.

As Carson waited for the elevator, she texted Mitch and Steph to tell them she was going over to Auston’s to talk because she knew they’d come back wondering where the hell she had gone otherwise. Both were quick to text back.

“Good luck, babe. Let me know how it goes,” read Steph’s message.

“Are you sure? Are you staying there? I’ll wait up so you can tell me what’s going on,” Mitch texted back, making Carson smile at the difference between the two messages. They both cared but in very different ways.

She messaged them each back, saying she’d keep them posted, then entered the elevator and went to the lobby. Upon seeing her reflection in the mirror that covered the elevator wall, Carson made an unimpressed noise. The thought of changing hadn’t even crossed her mind as she rushed out of Mitch’s condo, but she sure didn’t love that the first time she talked to Auston in person in two weeks, she’d be wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Carson quickly reached up to take her long brown hair out of the messy bun it was in and tried to make it look presentable, but then remembered Auston wouldn’t care about her looking like that. He’d seen her in similar outfits over the almost three years they’d been in a relationship.

Carson knew she didn’t need to impress him but still wished she looked a little better than she did.

Once the elevator reached ground level, Carson inhaled as she stepped off and entered the lobby. Her phone buzzed with a text, and she was half expecting it to be Mitch or Steph, but it was Auston letting her know the details about the car that was picking her up. Carson replied to his message this time and let him know she saw the car was waiting outside. Auston asked her to tell him when she was in the car and when she got to their condo so he knew everything was alright, and Carson promised she would.

When she entered the Uber waiting outside, the driver expressed his surprise after Carson confirmed they were picking up a rider named Auston.

“Not going to lie, I thought I was picking up Auston Matthews, the Leafs player, for a minute when I saw the name,” the driver explained, and Carson had to contain the smile she felt tugging at her lips.

“No, sorry, just me,” she responded, chuckling but not telling them she was indeed on her way to see the Auston Matthews.

“That’s alright, maybe another time,” the driver teased, then turned their focus back to the road as they drove.

It was a short drive. In all honesty, Carson had walked to and from the two condo buildings many times before, but with it being so late, she didn’t want to be out walking alone. She also knew that if she’d even mentioned the thought of walking, Auston would’ve shut the idea down immediately. The Uber driver didn’t ask questions about the short trip either and made small talk, ironically about the Leafs, since that was the first thing they and Carson had discussed.

A few minutes later, after thanking her driver and getting out of the car, Carson was standing outside the condo building that she began calling home a little over a month prior. Another wave of nervousness hit her, but she quickly shook it off as she entered the building.

She got into the building easily, still having her keys and fob to allow her access. The concierge at the front desk recognized her, nodding and smiling as she walked by and went straight for the elevator to take her to her and Auston’s floor.

Carson almost walked right into the condo out of force of habit once she arrived at the door. However, her nagging thoughts made her stop just before she could and opted to knock instead. It didn’t take long for Auston to open the door.

He looked good, really good. He was clad in a simple outfit, a black Raiders sweater and a pair of grey sweatpants that Carson always complimented on how good they made his butt look. His hair was a little damp still from his postgame shower, and a shadow of a beard was growing, showing it’d been some time since he last shaved. Carson stood there in silence momentarily, just taking in being in the presence of her boyfriend once again.

“Hey,” Auston spoke up, snapping Carson from her trance. She didn’t realize how tense she was until she felt herself relax just by being so close to him again.

“Hi,” Carson replied, her voice already cracking. Tears immediately pooled in her eyes, suddenly reminding her of all the emotions she’d felt since the last time she and Auston spoke.

“Oh, Carse.”

It didn’t require any thinking. The moment Auston saw those tears, he stepped towards Carson and pulled her into his embrace. The gesture felt so natural. Carson immediately melted into his touch and wrapped her arms around his middle in a tight embrace while instinctively hiding her face against his chest, letting the familiar scent of his favourite body wash surround her.

“I missed you,” she whispered after the two of them stood there holding each other for a moment.

“I’ve missed you more than I’ve ever missed anything in my life, Carson,” Auston replied, not missing a beat while tightening his squeeze around her. “I don’t want to open my eyes right now because what if I do and you’re not actually here? And this was just a fever dream?”

Carson couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her mouth as she shook her head, still pressed against his chest, and then finally moved back and looked at him. Still, neither of them unwrapped their arms from around the other.

“I’m here. And we need to talk, Auston.”

“I know, I know,” Auston spoke softly as he finally let go of Carson, but only to reach up so he could cup her cheeks and use his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “God, I’m so happy to see you. But, you’re right. Let’s go inside so we can talk.”

Carson nodded in agreement and let her arms fall from Auston’s waist to her sides again, but Auston was quick to reach down his right hand and link it with her left hand, squeezing it after Carson intertwined their fingers, then leading her into the condo.

Once inside, Carson glanced around after she took her shoes off and walked further inside, not sure what she was expecting. Not a thing was changed. The same fluffy grey throw blanket she bought was still on the couch except instead of it being draped over the side neatly, it was bunched up and tossed to the side, indicating Auston had been using it. Her gaze then drifted to the walls and nearby bookshelf, which still had the same pictures of her and Auston and others of them with their friends and families displayed. On the bookshelf was her collection of books and trinkets she adored and the TV showed the paused episode of The Office Auston must’ve been watching when she called.

Carson felt at home again for the first time in two weeks and it was a perfect feeling.

“Uhm, can I get you water or anything?” Auston asked after a moment of observing Carson look around their living room, not missing how a small smile tugged at her lips as she did so.

“I’m alright, thank you,” Carson replied as she shook her arms so the sleeves of her sweater would fall since she’d pushed them up in the Uber. The sweater was large on her and it showed in the way the sleeves covered most of her hands. She then began to fiddle with and rub the hem of the sleeve between her fingers, something she tended to do when she felt uneasy or anxious. Auston knew that and wished she wasn’t feeling such a way, but mostly wished she didn’t feel that way because of him.

“Of course. Should, uh, should we sit?”

“Yeah, let's.”

The two of them made their way to the couch and sat down next to each other. It was a comfortable distance, but there was still a noticeable space between them which felt a thousand times bigger to Auston. He hated it. If it were up to him Carson would be right next to him with her legs over his thighs, both cuddled under the throw blanket as she told him about her day and he played with her hair while listening. He was yearning but was brought back to reality when Carson spoke again.

“I think you should start.”

“R-right,” Auston stuttered, shaking his little daydream from his head but not being able to hide how lost in his thoughts he got momentarily. However, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, he’d been thinking about it for almost two weeks. “You’re right. And I’m just going to start with how sorry I am, Carse. I’m sorry for what I did in Arizona and how it affected someone because of my ignorance and stupid drunk actions. I’m sorry that when me and you last talked, I didn’t take ownership of how I messed up. I know that what I did wasn’t ok. I wish I could take it all back. And I’m sorry that during all of this, I hurt you. I should’ve been honest with you about the charge as soon as it happened. It’s not an excuse, but I was embarrassed and didn’t want you to be ashamed of me. I told my family I would tell you, which is why they didn’t say anything, but I was a coward. It’s not that I didn’t trust you whatsoever, Carson. I trust you with everything I have, I was just stupid and thought I could ignore what happened. That it wouldn’t matter and I could move on with life normally. I should’ve known better. I made a huge mistake and I’m learning from it. I know I’m better than this, but I want to learn from it so I can move forward properly and nothing like this ever happens again. I don’t expect you to fully forgive me right away either, but you make me a better person. I know I can learn a lesson and grow from this. But, I really want you by my side as I do, if you’re still willing.”

Carson was so tired of crying, but she couldn’t stop the tears flowing as she hung on to every word Auston said to her. This conversation was already so different from the last one they had. She could tell the toll everything was taking on him and knew the weight of it all was crushing. But, he was taking full responsibility, seemingly accepting that this all happened on his own accord.

“I’m proud of you, Auston,” Carson spoke softly as she wiped her tears away with the sleeves of her sweater. “I feel like I’m having a conversation with a completely different person than I did two weeks ago.”

Auston felt good hearing that. During their fight, Carson voiced that she didn’t feel like she was talking to the man she loved. That, in that moment, he didn’t feel like home anymore to her, which hit Auston hard because Carson would always say it didn’t matter where they were as long as they were together, because he was her home. Hearing her say that was what pushed him over the edge that night truly realizing how badly he fucked up, but it was too late. Carson was already heading out the door and Auston couldn’t stop her.

“It shows me that you are learning from this and that’s really good,” she continued. “You owe that to that woman you distressed. But also the team, the fans, your family and yourself.”

“I owe it to you, too.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but this isn’t about me. However, that does lead me to talk about us.”

Carson paused to take a breath, already feeling herself get emotional again, but was soon met by Auston gently linking their hands together and stroking his thumbs over her knuckles. When she didn’t pull away, Auston gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.

“When I found out you kept something so significant away from me, I was hurt,” Carson said. “I felt betrayed, but also shocked because I never ever thought I’d feel the way I did and you being the one that caused it. I felt everything we built together, was a lie. Our castle was crumbling down because it seemed like you couldn’t trust me and I wasn’t sure I could trust you to not keep important things from me again. It was devastating feeling that way about the man I love more than anything in this world. We’re partners, Auston. And you didn’t treat me like one doing that.”

“I know, and again, I am so sorry, Carson. I never wanted you to feel that way and I feel terrible for being the reason you did. I-I can’t blame you for leaving,” Auston’s voice trailed off at the end of his sentence as he felt the words getting stuck in his throat. “Watching you walk out that door was one of the worst nights of my life. You’re my rock and suddenly that was gone and it was all my fault. I hardly slept not knowing when or if you’d come back, but I had to keep hoping, praying that you would. Part of me convinced myself Mitch was going to tell me that you weren’t coming back ever and I don’t know what I would’ve done if he did. I was a mess, I still am. These last two weeks have been hell and I deserved it. And I’m not saying this to guilt you into making a decision now, but Carse, if you did want to leave and not come back to this, us, I need to know. The not knowing is killing me. I don’t want to lose you, but I need to know if I have.”

Carson inhaled deeply again.

“The thing about these last two weeks, with how upset and angry I was at myself and you and the situation, not once did I think I no longer wanted to be with you. I love you, Auston. I knew I didn’t want to break up, but I wasn’t sure if staying in a relationship with you was what would be best for me. I fell into a depressive hole myself. I never thought I’d feel that low because of you and I wasn’t sure if I could forgive and move on or if this would have me feeling I could never trust you again. I can’t let myself get this destroyed by the person who is supposed to be my partner again, not after my ex. But, Auston, you are not him. You never will be him and that’s why, even with the space we’ve had since our fight, I knew I’d be coming back to you. I love you too fucking much to not even try to work through this and move forward together. I don’t want you to think we’re over because of this.”

Auston didn’t realize just how many tears had welled in his eyes until he let out a relieved sigh and smiled, allowing a couple of those tears to break free and stream down his face.

“You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that,” he said and squeezed her hands again.

“You have no idea how badly I needed to get that off my chest and actually tell you,” she replied and let out a small laugh at how emotional they both were. “God, we’re such messes.”

“I’ll accept being the biggest mess ever to exist if it means you’ll be by my side as I clean myself up.”

“Well, I can tell you that I’m not going anywhere. I mean it, Auston. You haven’t lost me.”

“Thank, God,” Auston sighed, feeling like so much weight had been lifted off his chest. “We’re good?”

“We’re good,” Carson confirmed, smiling as Auston let go of her hands and then held his arms out. She was quick to launch herself into his embrace and hold on for dear life while he fell back onto the couch cushion and she laid on top of him, feeling the safest and most content she had in weeks. “I’m glad to be home.”

“I’m never going to give you a reason to feel like you have to leave home again, Carse. That’s a promise.” Auston declared as he kissed the top of her head and started playing with her hair. “I love you, Carson.”

“And I love you, Auston,” Carson replied as she moved her head from Auston’s chest so she could look at him.

The two lay there for a moment looking at each other as Auston continued playing with Carson’s hair, debating his next move. He couldn’t help the way his gaze drifted to her lips, missing the way they felt against him so badly. He wanted nothing more than to cup her cheek with his hand and close the small gap between them with the kiss he craved. However, even though Auston knew he and Carson were good, he also knew they weren’t back to normal. Things being normal again would take time and Auston was ok with that. It didn’t matter how much time it may take because he had his love back and he wasn’t going to take any chances with anything that could push her away again.

Much to Auston’s pleasant surprise, though, Carson was the one to delicately place her hand under his chin and tilt it up before crashing her lips against his in a sweet, intimate kiss.

As soon as their lips met, Auston deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arm around her and rolled them over so that Carson’s back would be on the couch and he was on top. He used one arm to hold himself up and keep most of his weight off of her while his other hand cupped her cheek and jaw to prevent the kiss from breaking, finally getting what he had spent the last two weeks yearning for.

After a few moments of kissing, they pulled away to look at each other and laugh at how out of breath they both were. But that didn’t stop Auston from leaning in and stealing one more kiss.

“Will you stay over tonight?” He asked softly, not wanting her to feel pressured if she wasn't ready to come back home fully yet. “It’s an off day tomorrow and Mitch mentioned you weren’t going into the office, we could go get your work stuff from his place in the morning then come back here and have a lazy day together. Only if you want to, of course.”

“I would love that,” Carson replied, then pecked his lips again. “Let me tell Mitch and Steph I won’t be back tonight first, then can we go to bed? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course, beb.”

After they untangled themselves from each other and Carson texted Mitch and Steph to say she was staying, she and Auston turned off the lights before heading to the bedroom together. Carson felt so good after changing into a pair of her pyjamas she grabbed them from the dresser and then crawled into her bed after a long, almost two weeks. The best part, though, was being back in that bed with Auston. He felt better too having Carson in his embrace again as he fought to stay awake, wanting to make sure she fell asleep first. Once she did, Auston let his tiredness take over him too and both he and Carson had one of the best sleeps of their lives, together again.

#auston matthews fanfiction #auston matthews imagines #auston matthews imagine #nhl imagines #nhl headcanon #nhl fanfiction #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey rpf #hockey writing #nhl headcanons

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anothermansjeans · 10 hours

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I NEEDDDD more of YouTuber y/n X Spencer 😭 pllzzzzz maybe the first time he actually is on a video? Not just by accident but doing something like a challenge or something 😭?

HEHEHEHE I AM FERAL FOR THEM YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! i also love this concept... everyone pls feel free to send me more 🫶

cw: major fluff, competitive reader, competitive spencer, reader (sometimes) wears makeup

wc: 1.4k

You were extremely giddy. Ever since Spencer’s face was accidentally shown in one of your unedited videos, he’s been slowly coming around to the idea of being more involved with your channel. Of course, he had to be careful at times because of his job, so it started out small. You saw a trend on TikTok and practically begged Spencer to participate.

It was simple really. You would take a video of your makeup routine and then have Spencer do the voiceover without telling him the exact name of the method or technique you were doing. He was adorable with it, truly, and because of this, the internet went absolutely berserk. Comments ranged from awe to thirsting over his voice, and you didn't blame them. It was this uproar of engagement that sparked the idea of actually having him in a real video for your channel.

Spencer was apprehensive at first– he was still a bit camera shy, but after your reassurance that the people will love him, he agreed, wanting to help and support you in any way possible. When he asked about the video you had in mind and the words “trivia game” were thrown around, his eyes lit up and even offered for Penelope to go over to your apartment to be the one reading the questions so that it could be a fun game between the two of you.

When the camera was set up, ring lights on, and Penelope curled up on the big comfy chair behind the scenes, it was show time.

“Hello, lovelies!” Your intro went as usual, and as you spoke, you could see Spencer in your peripheral, staring at you with a gentle smile on his face. After about a minute of talking, you took a breath and turned your head to his. “You're probably wondering who this hunk of brains is next to me… this is Spencer, my boyfriend!”

Spencer finally took a glance at the camera and gave a thin smile with a shy wave. “Hi.”

A giggle erupted from you and Penelope, which resulted in your eyebrows jumping up. “And behind the camera is the magical woman I am stealing to be my best friend–” your words were slightly interrupted by a soft “hey” coming from Spencer, “Penelope!” You gave another smile to the camera before going on to explain what you were doing in the video. “Today we are putting our brains to battle in some fun trivia! Penelope will be reading us pop culture trivia and whoever answers first correctly gets a point. The prize is… bragging rights?” Your eyebrows pulled together. You forgot to think of that part, but a smile erupted once Penelope spoke from behind the camera.

“Oh! What if Spencer has to be in three in your TikTok videos if you win, and if he wins, he gets to tweet from your twitter!”

“Penny, you're a genius!”

Penelope was bashful as Spencer held a confused expression. “Tweet?”

“Oh boy wonder,” Penelope started, “I’ll show you the ins and outs if you get that far.”

Once again, Spencer let out a soft “hey” in response.

Noticing his semi-hurt expression, a pout formed on your lips and you gently placed your hand on his thigh, immediately feeling him relax under your touch and shift his body more towards yours. “It’s okay, baby. I believe in you.”

It was like he couldn't help himself. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, causing stars to appear in your eyes and a small “eek!” to come from Penelope's mouth. The sound startled Spencer, making a blush appear on the apples of his cheeks. He cleared his throat and muttered, “shall we start?”

Shaking yourself from the starry place he sends you, you turned back to the camera. “Right! Well, Pen, we’re ready whenever you are.”

“Okay, first question. ‘Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?’ is a classic movie line from what 1985 John Hughes film?”

A millisecond barely went by before words were spewing out of Spencer’s mouth, “The Breakfast Club!”

You knew he was right, so you weren't too disappointed when Penelope called out as correct. “Okay, next one,” she said, marking a tally under Spencer’s name on a small whiteboard on her lap. “What five members make up the band *NSYNC?”

You were practically shouting out the answer before she finished the question, “Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone, and Chris Kirkpatrick!”

“Correct!”

“Yes!” You jumped up from the couch, only aware of your overexcitement after looking down at Spencer and seeing the complete awe plastered on his face. “Sorry…” You sat back down with a shy smile on your face, but Spencer just shook his head, folding his lips in.

“Don't be,” he started, “you're cute when you're excited.”

“Yeah, excited to destroy you,” you said sassily.

A scoff soon followed from Spencer, “oh, it’s on.”

“Shall I continue?” Penelope spoke up, trying not to interrupt their moment. She only asked the next question when both parties on the couch gave a nod. “Which member of One Direction was the first to go solo?”

And the game continued. Honestly, you thought you had this win in the bag, but as it progressed, you became increasingly worried. Who knew your genius boyfriend was pretty well-versed in pop culture trivia? It was the end of the game when the two of you inevitably tied, and Penelope was basically on the edge of her seat as she prepared to give you the last question.

“Okay, tie breaker. This is for the win.”

As much as you love each other, you were both in it to win it. You two were also too focused to realize the mirroring positions you had. Both hunched over with your hands clasped as your arms resting on your knees, bottom lip tucked between your teeth, and eyebrows scrunched together (once the video is uploaded the comments have a field day with this… you guess that's what happens when you live with someone for a while).

“The E.L. James novel Fifty Shades of Grey is based on fanfiction from what young-adult book series?”

You knew the answer… deep, very deep in your mind, you knew, but before you could even reach those depths, Spencer was standing up with wide eyes. “Oh! I know this one. It’s Twilight!” When Penelope told him he was right, he let out a loud “ha” as he looked at you and pulled your sitting body into a hug. It was an awkward hug, but a hug nonetheless.

As he was squeezing your shoulders, you moved your head up so that your chin was resting on his stomach. Your eyebrows knit together wondering how the hell he knew that, and once he came down from his high he loosened his grip and sat back down, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. “We uh, had a case that involved the topic of vampires to come up… I was intrigued and learned a lot about the series.”

You just smiled and pecked his nose with your lips. “Your brain is insane and I love it.”

He ducked his blushed face down and Penelope cleared her throat, prompting the two of you to remember your surroundings and the camera placed in front of you. “So the winner is Spencer!”

Letting out a sigh, you gave a nod and opened up Twitter before starting a new post and handing your phone to Spencer. “It’s all yours, lover boy. Write what you want– there is a word limit, though.”

He held your phone for a moment, staring at the screen as he pursed his lips. It was only a few seconds later until he started typing away. After about a minute, he pressed the button to send the tweet, and you immediately heard an “awe” come from Penelope as she looked at her phone. Looking down at the app, you took a peek at what he wrote, and your heart was ready to burst.

@y/ny/l/n: According to a 2013 survey, nine in ten Americans cited that love is the most important reason to get married, compared to 28% of people who said they wed for financial stability… I think I’m with those 9 people. I thought that was a fun fact :)

You knew the replies were already going crazy, but you refused to look at them. You were in for a ride with Spencer Reid.

#EVERYONE SEND ME MORE PLEASE!!#MY BELOVEDS!!#spencer reid #dr spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #youtuber!reader

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beetleviolet · 2 days

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@midwesternvibes 's rottmnt villain leo au will never fail to haunt my brain so, hark! I bringeth tidings of fanfic!

I was really curious what it would take to drive Leo so apart from his family, so I tried to write it in a way that from right to me. This one really challenged me, so I hope yall like it!

To be clear, I feel like this would take place like before Leo is a villain. When the possibility it just. There.

TW: child abuse/emotional abuse, panic attacks/flashbacks, crying, murder, suicidal thoughts, ptsd

The anger started- well, no. It didn't really have a definitive start or finish. A collection of moments Leo could look back on and think, maybe this was it. Maybe this is when it all began, maybe this was when it gained momentum, maybe this was the point of no return.

And again, even the single moments he could pick out always had other ones tangled around them. Leo took the fall for, well, everything. Not that his brothers never got in trouble but, well, if the dish broke it was Leo who broke it. If an argument started it was Leo who crossed the line. If the chores weren't done then it was Leo's turn, even if it wasn't everyone else said it was and Dad believed them. Looking back, it was an easy thing to blame Leo. He was already labeled trouble, what was a little more?

The trouble stuck with him like his stripes, like yeah there was a mask there but come on dude, we can both see them peeking out the edges. Leo wasn't to be trusted. Leo was easy to blame. Leo was trouble.

“Why would you do that??”

“It was one mistake, Raph!” Raph seemed too flabbergasted to speak, only gesturing at the burning building behind him. So yeah, Leo had started an eensy-teensy little fire. He'd gotten everybody out!

Leo's mistakes were big. There were few, but they were big, and no one wanted to let him forget it.

“This is just like that time you broke the TV!” Mikey giggled as he brushed the plate shards into a dust pan. At least he didn't seem mad. Leo tilted his head at him,

“Uh, you broke that.”

“Did not!” Mikey protested.

“We were playing basketball and you tried to throw it to me!”

“You didn't catch it!” Leo felt his fingers twitch, wanting to flex, maybe a tic he picked up from Donnie. Frustrated. Angry. A start.

Leo couldn't remember what happened next, really. They got interrupted by some other brotherly shenanigan. It was just. Well. Leo loved Mikey. He shouldn't be mad! You weren't supposed to get mad at the people you loved, right? Right?

“Leonardo!” Yikes, full name treatment. Leo jumped, scrambling on 7 year old legs. “You did not help Red cook dinner!?”

“Uh..” Leo peered behind the looming figure of his Dad, where Raph was half hugging a sniffling Mikey with a bandage on his finger. “..no?”

“Your brother got hurt!” Oh, that made sense. Mikey was still learning. He had been clammering Raph for a chance to help in the kitchen, that's why Leo didn't today. But he couldn't say that because Splinter had that- that look. That clenched jaw that scared Leo more than anything. Dad didn't hit them, usually, not really. Maybe a small fwip behind the head if they were very bad, a sandal thrown by if they said something out of line. It wasn't that, really. Dad didn't like to do that, sometimes he even apologized for it. Usually to Donnie and Mikey, but whatever. But it wasn't that.

It was more the glaring, the teasing, the yelling, oh when Dad yelled at him Leo could do nothing but shake. It was his brothers watching. It was his brothers watching when it was Mikey who had thrown that basketball so it hit the TV, the TV Donnie was fixing as Dad screamed. Leo shook, he set his jaw and blinked and he didn't cry, he didn't cry. Leo wouldn't start crying. He didn't start. A start.

Once, when April came over after a fun mission, she did this announcer thing, where she gave everyone an intro as they entered the room. Leo was up to go last. Turned out he wouldn't go at all. And them everyone went to bed.

It overshadowed those little papers Leo kept in the drawer of his bedside. Notes and doodles and things his brothers had said to him, happy things. Like the time Donnie said he loved Leo, not “I love you guys”, he said “I love you”, just to Leo. The time Mikey made his favorite pizza because he was sad. A big hug from Raph, paper airplanes with good messages from April. That bedside table got crushed when the lair was, well, shredded, and Leo sat on his knees, seiza, picking up as many as he could before his brothers caught up.

“Come on, Leo.”

“Gimme a second.” He heard Raph shift impatiently,

“You're taking so long.”

“Can't rush perfection.” He could feel Raph's eye roll.

“You know bein’ down here makes Don upset.” Sure, this was about Donnie. Leo shoved a few more into his pouch.

“It's not a party for me either.”

“This isn't about you!” Raph snapped, and Leo felt like a scrap of paper as he trembled in the wind. That was the first time Raph had said it to him. The first time. The start.

On one of those scraps of paper was a time when his Dad lectured him, and Leo shook and he didn't cry and Dad sort of faded out and watched him. Leo stared at the floor next to Dad's feet, waiting to be told to bring his eyes up, waiting for the, “Look at me when I'm talking to you!”, but it didn't come. Dad just. Looked at him. Looked at him for longer than he might have ever before. Splinter never looked at him when Leo was talking. Or when he wasn't, really. Not really.

“...go to your room.” He said, and Leo just about ran. In his room, he was allowed to cry. Well, there was no rule against crying, not one written or said, but Leo could feel the pressure when he did it, eyes and expectations on his skin, and so he didn't cry. Except now he started to. Now he sobbed. He jumped at the knock at the door. He'd never heard that knock before. Mikey did the one from Frozen, knock knock kno-knock knock!, and Raph would bang twice, Knock! Knock!, and Donnie did morse code, something different every time. This was a simple knock, a tentative, knock knock knock against the door frame. Leo didn't answer, maybe couldn't. The curtain rippled as Splinter entered. He had a plate in his hand. He watched as Leo scrubbed his eyes before placing the plate, a plate of fruit, on the bedside. Then again, he watched. Stared.

Leo wanted a hug.

It wouldn't fix anything, and there was something inside of himself screaming, no! He didn't need it! He wouldn't mean it anyway! And maybe he wouldn't. But soft fur, warmth around him, a gentle hand against the dip of his shell. Splinter had this lullaby he would sing to a fussy Mikey, a sick Donnie, a sleepy Raph on the couch. Leo wanted to hear it. He wanted it so bad.

He and Splinter stared at each other. And then his father left the room. Leo ate the fruit. Oranges and strawberries.

He didn't write all of that. He wrote, “Dad cut fruit for me.” And that was all. That was all.

And then

And then there was the Krang.

Leo was a lot of things. He was a hero, he was a martyr, he was a brother, he was a son, he was dead, maybe, somewhere, and he was hurting and he was trouble.

His family loved him. They opened that portal for him, so they loved him. But Mikey loved Draxum too, because he was family. So yeah, his family loved him. They wouldn't be the same without him. But did they like him?

Dad avoided him for a while. So did Raph. They were mad at him, Leo thought, for starting this whole mess. Mikey was a whole mess. He cried a lot, happy and sad, and Donnie sat on the medbay chair, not spinning like he usually did, just sitting. No one would give Leo a straight answer about anything. Eggshells. Sometimes, everything got too much and darkness closed in and Leo lost control. Raph would help, when that happened, but when that happened Leo wasn't Leo, he was just scared and he didn't think, he only flinched away from the red and green above him. Raph started to cry. They all looked at him. Leo looked back. He couldn't speak. They looked away. A start, or maybe a finish, because Leo hadn't expected anything more.

Dad sang that lullaby to him.

That he didn't see coming. He was alone, still in the medbay, still still still, and his thoughts were pulling at his skin and dragging him down. Leo couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't talk. Small, clawed feet padded closer. Leo shook.

Stroking fingers on his forehead, a quiet hum, smooth Japanese, and Leo got everything he had been asking for.

It wasn't enough for him to calm down, no, not nearly, so after a while, a blessed, blessed while, Dad left, and Donnie appeared. He counted his breaths orderly, fingers flexing because he wanted to leave and get back to work. He was anxious. Leo couldn't help but catch it, his breathing ok but he couldn't stop shaking. Donnie didn't know what to do. He asked something and Leo nodded and then they left him alone. His breath began to catch. A beginning, a start. An end.

All alone. It was funny, how he felt that phrase with his whole soul. There was no one for miles. His chest was an empty bell. Leo swung his legs over the edge of the skyscraper. It was funny, when he tried to die, they didn't leave him alone for days.

It wasn't that he wanted to, it was just.

He wanted to know what they'd think, just a little. Maybe this could finally prove that they need him, just a bit. But Leo was all alone.

He shook it off. He was 16 years old, and he didn't want to die. He was 16 years old, and he had to start for home now if he wanted to get back before anyone noticed he left. Had to start for home. He had to start.

So naturally he sat right there and stared at the skyline.

They sent April after him, when he kept missing calls. He watched the text messages roll in, telling him that breakfast was ready, that they had training in an hour, that he better be back by tonight for patrol. That he was worrying them. His heart rate was steady, according to Donnie, but he was worrying them.

April was dropped off by a Genius Built something or other, Leo didn't turn around to check. She stepped forward and, oddly enough, stayed quiet as she sat next to him. She watched the city with him, rustling and bustling below, and then she bumped their shoulders together, arm against arm, and Leo was shaking and and and

He couldn't cry. He couldn't start. April pressed warm against his arm and she stayed there until his breaths were even, his face still dry.

He might have written that down on a scrap of paper, if he did that anymore. Maybe he should start, he thought, laying staring staring at the ceiling. His room was sound proof, but he could feel them talking about him. That was the only reason he was still alone. Probably. Maybe. It was just.

It was just.

Leo felt everything. It was like 16 years of feelings had all slammed together into a knotted mess in his chest. There was probably some logic to that, if he were to ask Mikey about it. Something about the connection between recent traumatic events and coping skills. He didn't care. Leo just curled up on his bed and imagined he was drifting. He imagined he was somewhere else.

When Leo was little, when he was trouble, more then usual, he would imagine he was a scrappy kid on a forgotten planet with lore only he knew. He pick pocketed Jupiter Jim, which was bad, but Jim saw he was just hungry and desperate and decided to take him with them. Red Fox was hesitant, but by the end of their adventure she trusted him completely. Which sucked because Leo was a spy for the planet leader the whole time. What was he supposed to do? There was something about Leo that was just fundamentally different then Red Fox and Jim. Why fight that?

But whenever Leo got that far he started getting tired, so he mentally skipped his redemption arc and right to the dramatic moment, where he was told everything would be ok. And 7 year old Leo fell asleep imagining he was held.

He stopped when he got older, well aware that self-insert JJ fanfiction, however G rated it may be, was still pretty weird. Leo was pretty weird. Yeah, his whole family was, but Leo was different from them, another category, walls and subway tracks between them.

It all came down to Leo wanting to be as close to his family as possible, but never actually succeeding. So he just ran away.

Maybe he could just. Run away.

It would be easy enough, right? With his portal swords and everything.

Run away. A fresh start.

Leo stared at the wall. He had some money from picking up shifts at Run of the Mill, but knowing his family he couldn't just go back there, so he would have to find a different job. Donnie had access to the whole city at the press of a button, so he would have to move out of New York. Maybe somewhere in the Hidden City, out of his families reach. Maybe-

Knock knock knock.

Tentative. He knew that knock.

“Blue? Your brothers say it is time for your patrol.” Right, that. What was he doing, getting all wrapped up in maybes? He wasn't running away. This was just a phase, he just had to wait out all of his tangled emotions and then everything would go back to how it used to.

“Coming!” He called, tieing on his mask. He straightened it in the mirror, pulling it a little wider to hide more of his stripes. His phone was dead, so he left it charging by his bed, snatched up his katanas and stepping into the hall.

Raph was mad-worried, Leo could smell it, literally and figuratively. April must have told him something. Leo would have to balance on his tightrope of being obnoxious enough to not cause worry, but not too much, or he would earn a lecture for missing the training he himself had scheduled. There may be a couple snide comments eitherway, but Leo would smile from his spot 50 feet in the air, dancing, daring.

But before he could leave, his father had looked at him.

“Have a good time, Blue,” He said. And then, “I love you.”

Oh.

Leo could have gone through at least 300 different memories, at least 600, at least 1000. Every moment of wanting and wishing and now he was here. And now.

Leo looked at his Dad, at Splinter. He looked at the super-star turned rat, celebrity turned father, and he just.

“Bye, Dad.” Leo said, and he didn't cry. He turned on his heel and he walked.

…it felt kind of good that he was the one walking this time. A kind of good he didn't want to think about.

—

Hypno and Warren.

Months ago, that wouldn't have sent a shudder up his spine. Months ago, that wouldn't make the room go cold and his heart started to thud. But months ago, Hypno and Warren hadn't made the biggest mistakes of their lives. And months ago, the simmering mass, the start in Leo's chest wasn't hell bent on proving it.

His brothers did their usual banter, if a little strained from nerves, but the two villains were as mediocre as ever.

The three of them kept trying to catch his eye, concerned because Leo wasn't talking. He didn't really know why. You'd think they'd like it better this way. Even Warren was making comments. Why should he have to pretend around them, anyway? Joke and smile to what, make them feel better? Leo loved his family, he loved them with all of his heart, but his chest was on fire and today he just. He couldn't.

And then Mikey went down.

It was just a sprained ankle. Just a sprained ankle. But Mikey yelped in pain and his eyes shone and he was about to start crying. About to start. Raph's eyes went white. Donnie bared his teeth. And Leo.

Leo.

He didn't really think about it too hard. Not really. He just opened a portal. Just a small one, right around Hypnos torso. He spoke, voice a little stilted, a little to the left,

“Will you grow back too?” Hypno looked at him with round eyes. Warren began to stutter, something high and pleading, but Leo couldn't hear.

“Let him go!” Raph commanded. Why did he care? These were the ones who started it all, who stole the key in the first place, who was Raph to protect them? Leo's brother had the worst kind of savior complex.

“Nardo, what are you doing?” Donnie asked. He already knew, he asked anyway. Wasn't he supposed to be the logical one? Emotional bad-boy? What a joke.

Hypno would cause nothing but danger for his family. Nothing but trouble. Why did they care?

“Leo.” Mikey said, soft. He met Leo's gaze, fierce, “Let him go, please. I'm alright.” Oh.

Oh no, no, what was he doing?

“Step out.” He whispered. Hypno scrambled away. Leo let the portal snap close.

Oh no, no no no no.

What was he

“Leo?”

Hate him. He had to go. Had to start.

Leo slashed in front of himself, stepping through without a second thought.

Maybe he should have just

No, no, don't think like that.

Maybe

Leo stumbled, landing heavily on the ground. He pressed his palms into the pavement, cement leaving indents into his skin, cold and damp. Grit coated itself on his knees, tremors working through them in waves.

No, no, no.

Maybe

He should have

Stop.

But he couldn't slow his thoughts, ringing through his bones like a bell.

He should have done it.

Maybe this was the point of no return, the end, it was over. Regret curling in his gut, a photo in his pocket that he didn't spare a glance. It hitched in his chest, and Leo felt his face grow hot. Burning eyes, burning burning, tears.

A start.

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