teastainedprose

[teastainedprose]

Play With Fire, Chapter 3 (Homelander x Reader)

Homelander finds your apartment empty and Homelander is going to be a creep about it. This chapter is a fluff break and an extra one from what I'd originally planned. 1.7k words, No sexual content. Female, plus-sized reader. Slight warning for hints of animal abuse. [AO3 Link, Chapter 1, Chapter 2]

You’re not home. This is new. Homelander frowns as he drops to his usual perch a building away as he surveys the area before scanning through your apartment building. It’s past lunchtime and normally you’d be settled at your desk working away on your PC, but the chair is empty. The laptop is closed and shut down. Where has his little bug scurried off to?

His frown further sours as Homelander scans your usual haunts around your apartment, but he doesn’t catch sight of your plump little figure anywhere. He blinks, reorienting his x-ray vision back to your apartment for another glance before his eyes snag on the whiteboard above your desk. It’s a weekly planner where he’s often seen notes of chores, appointments, or what meals you plan to have quickly scribbled on it. It’s Monday and on the planner is scribbled ‘FIRST DAY’. 

He puzzles over that before it hits him. A new job, that must be it! He’s so clever. Homelander has certainly seen you scroll job postings and even caught you coming home from an interview in the cutest little businesswoman get-up. So fetching, he could have eaten you right up.

Now what sort of new job did a worker bee like you get? Something to research later, Homelander mentally notes as he glides quietly down to your balcony. There’s a better use of his time right now. You’ll be out for a few more hours yet, of this he’s certain. First day and all. Better make a good impression, little bug. Homelander chuckles to himself at the thought as he peeks into your apartment.

Today is the perfect opportunity to indulge, and Homelander has never been one to hold back.

The balcony door isn’t locked and opens quietly under his hand as Homelander smiles to himself, stepping inside. He already knows the layout, walking briskly across the wooden floor as he takes everything in from this new perspective. Being inside, instead of a silent observer of your apartment from above is a new experience for him. Now he gets to experience your world in truth. Homelander takes everything in with a new eye as he walks about, pausing to straighten a photograph or trace his fingers across the spines of your books. You’ve built a cozy little den here. It’s nothing compared to his opulent penthouse, but it reflects a creature such as yourself well enough. None of it is to Homelander’s taste, but he won’t hold that against you. The trinkets and baubles you’ve decorated your nest suit you and he approves of that fact.

Homelander pauses at the couch, plucking up the throw blanket discarded there. He’s seen you snuggled up in this very blanket many a night, tucked in with a book or watching your little shows. He brings the plush fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. Homelander closes his eyes, savoring the scent there. Your scent. He hasn’t smelled you before, not really. The elevator encounter had been so brief and surprising that Homelander never registered what you’d smelled like at that moment. It had been all anger and stress radiating off you at the time.

He inhales again, breathing deeply with the blanket still held against his face. There’s the citrus scent of fabric softener, but also something undeniably human and undeniably you. Homelander finds that he likes it very much. A moan escapes him as Homelander presses the blanket harder to his nose as if he could imprint the smell of you in his senses. Idly, he wonders if you’d smell the same when he buries his nose in the space between your neck and rounded shoulder. Soft and warm and sweet like the hint of you on this blanket? Homelander sighs at the thought, the longing making his cock jump as he straightens. 

Reluctantly, he drops the blanket back onto the couch as his boots take him deeper into your home towards the bedroom. The door is shut, which Homelander finds curious. Normally, it stands open as he’s watched you wander from bedroom to living room to kitchen and back again while your mind keeps you elsewhere as you putter about doing whatever little bugs like you do. He doesn’t pause as Homelander opens the door, confidently stepping into your bedroom with the eagerness of a child given free rein in a toy store. Homelander expects to paw through your dresser and give the toys he’s seen you use on yourself a thorough inspection.

What he doesn’t expect is the sudden attack from a black blur pouncing onto his foot with a delighted chirrup. Homelander drops his gaze, watching in a detached way as the kitten tries to dig its claws into his boot while kicking back feet furiously. He feels none of it, of course. He doubts even a mere mud person would feel anything from such a pathetic assault, yet the kitten is determined. The little creature squirms about, bottom over front briefly before it twists and promptly scampers off in a confusion of fur.

Homelander frowns. When the fuck did you get a cat? He should have noticed such a creature despite its diminutive size. The little thing is barely a mote of soot as it scrambles under the bed, green eyes wild and wide. The creature pauses, making a sound Homelander would call an undignified squeak ill-suited for a predator before it rushes forward again. His lip twitches, annoyance settling over Homelander at this animal disturbing his tour of your apartment. 

Still, he makes no move toward the kitten as it stalks around behind him to inspect his cape. Homelander turns and the cape goes with him, fabric fluttering in such a tantalizing way that no kitten can resist. The little beast pounces or attempts to.

The frown on Homelander’s lips tugs further down now that he’s eye to eye with the green-eyed imp as in an instant he snatched it up to keep it off his cape. Homelander has never been one to interact with animals often, let alone young ones. The most would have been with such animals sulking away from him in the bad room, hissing and spitting while a doctor looked on behind bulletproof heat vision-resistant glass. Back then he’d been instructed to take care of the creatures to show how much he’d learned of control with his powers, but he can’t do that to this fluffy shadow.

A small purr emanating from the kitten draws Homelander from his memory as he blinks. His eyes refocus on the animal who now is trying to gnaw at one of his fingers through his glove eagerly as it thrums away. Poor thing has no idea who it’s facing. “Charming,” He mumbles before shutting the bedroom door behind him as Homelands steps into the room proper. He gingerly places the squirming animal onto the bed. 

Homelander casts about the bedroom with fresher eyes, taking in a plastic mat with food and a water dish atop it. He doesn’t even need to sniff the air to discern the faint aroma of ammonia and cat litter coming from the open bathroom door. The little beast has been properly set up in your bedroom. A new acquisition. The creature is yours and confined here with purpose, so he can’t risk it suspiciously going missing. At least not yet. A cracked window later down the line will fix this little problem. There’s no need for you to house this extra distraction. Not when he’s so close to getting his claws into you. Homelander smiles to himself.

“Your days are numbered.” He points out, even going so far as to waggle a finger at the black kitten as it rolls about atop the bed. 

In reply, the kitten promptly drops onto its rump atop the comforter and sticks a leg out. This it began washing intently. There’s a slight charm to such a fragile thing being oblivious to the danger present. Homelander cocks his head, watching the animal a beat longer before a sound catches his interest.

There’s the unmistakable rattle of keys too close that takes Homelander by surprise, too lost in his thoughts to notice the approach of footsteps down the apartment hallway. Your footsteps. He’s instantly on high alert, quietly opening the bedroom door and closing it behind him to not let the little beast escape and alert you of something amiss. He waits a beat, eyes on the door as he watches you on the other side while you fumble with the keys. The lock sticks as he’s observed and you never seem to remember to bring it up to the landlord. Forgetful little bug.

Homelander’s form is a patriotic blur as he rushes right across the room, to the balcony, to yank the door open, and dart out to the open sky in a woosh of air. It all happens in a blink as you click the key into place and the lock slides free of the deadbolt.

You pause as you open your apartment door, a slight frown on your face. Something like a breeze seems to have disrupted your apartment as a tapestry on the wall flutters back to rest. You shake your head as a glance about shows nothing amiss. All is well and now you’re smiling to yourself. Your first day at your new job has been a success! 

Dropping your purse on the kitchen counter, your feet are quick as you move to your bedroom door to yank it open. There sits your stray kitten you’d taken in only the other day. He’s mid-lick while grooming his leg. You grin wide, quick to cross the room to scoop the bundle of fur up into your arms. 

“Adrien, did you miss me?” You coo to him, burying your face into his fur as Adrien purrs up a storm. Indeed, he did. You laugh at his enthusiasm as Adrien promptly starts to lick your cheek as if you’re the one in need of a bath. Your smile doesn’t falter as you drop onto the bed before gently laying down to let him settle beside you. 

“It’s nice to be back doing something, you know?” You confide in him. “This charity work is doing wonders to soothe my soul.” Being a kitten, Adrien’s only response is to purr as he curls himself up as close as he can get to your neck.

High above your apartment, Homelander lets himself linger a moment longer. Charity work? Interesting. He watches still, taking in your smile as you cuddle that obnoxious ball of soot. He rolls his eyes, a huff escaping him before moving on.

#homelander x reader #homelander x you #homelander writing #homelander #homelander x fem!reader #plus-sized reader #x you #The gif its 300% Homelander near the end of this scene #GEE I WONDER WHAT THAT NAME REF IS #I DUNNO WHY DOES HE KEEP CALLING HER HIS BUG #someone slap me if I make Homelander call her Buginette #I amuse myself #🍵 play with fire

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Why do I already have 3 pages for this Cooper Howard fic.

Gods help me. Too Sweet has been playing on repeat in my head all day.

....I have the next chapter of Play With Fire written up and in need of proof reading, a Cooper Howard x Reader drabble already at 1k words based on Hozer's Too Sweet song, and a blurb of a puppy (He's the puppy)/ pet play scene with Homelander and an OC. Oh, I'm cooking. Now if only I had the proper free time and energy to GET THESE ALL OUT OF MY HEAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

#shut up Ash #fanfic planning

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....I have the next chapter of Play With Fire written up and in need of proof reading, a Cooper Howard x Reader drabble already at 1k words based on Hozer's Too Sweet song, and a blurb of a puppy (He's the puppy)/ pet play scene with Homelander and an OC. Oh, I'm cooking. Now if only I had the proper free time and energy to GET THESE ALL OUT OF MY HEAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

#-and then the asks I wanna chew on too #I got some CUTE fluffy ones waiting for me #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

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Homelander picking flowers with fem!reader

"You do know I could have purchased double what you've collected, right?" Homelander stands a step off to your left as you pluck another yellow bloom free. You straighten at the waist, twirling the stem between your fingers as you look over to him. "Yes, but that defeats the whole purpose." "The purpose! What purpose?" Homelander huffs, expression settling on one better suited to a petulant child than the most powerful supe in the world. He crosses his arms over his chest, features settling into a pout as you step closer. "Quality time with me," you point out, holding the flower up to his face. "No cameras either." His lips twitch up in annoyance, but as you nudge the bloom closer Homelander relents. He sniffs then shrugs, posture going lax as he slides an arm about your waist to tug you close. "I suppose you have a point," He murmurers. Dipping his head down to catch your lips in a brief kiss, his expression softening. You smile back, twisting enough to set the plucked bloom down with the others in the basket you still hold. "Now start helping." "Helping? You can pick your own damn flowers. I'll watch." "How about- For every flower you pick, I'll give you a kiss?" Your smile grows into a cheeky grin, "-and if it's a really pretty one? I'll reward you with more." "More, huh?" Homelander tightens his hold about your waist, tugging you against his frame. "What sort of reward do I get?" He leans in again, words ending in a growl as his lips ghost your neck. "Guess you'll have to pick something pretty to find out."

#homelander #homelander writing #anon ask #ask #homelander x reader #homelander x you #drabble #mmmmmmm fluff #insert joke about reader being the prettiest flower he could pick here #hwah #you must train your Homelander with positive reinforcement #x reader #x you

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Mark You Pretty (Homelander x Reader)

My brain saw this post and ran with it. Homelander bruises you. 13k words, Homelander x GN!reader (Warnings for bruising, mild Sadism/masochistic play)

The first time Homelander bruises you, it's an honest mistake. He didn't mean to grab you that hard. Not really. Sometimes Homelander forgets how delicate normal people can be. It had been a reflexive thing, snatching you about the arm just above your wrist as you reach over him to gather up the handouts from the meeting.

"Leave it," Homelander mutters with eyes still fixated on the stack of papers set before him, gloves creaking as he briefly tightens his grip on your arm before releasing you. The small gasp you make as you withdraw doesn't penetrate his concentration. He doesn't notice how you rub at your arm, expression pinching up while stepping away. You're another faceless worker bee and Homelander has no time for you. The meeting is over and you shuffle out with the other nameless non-supe Vought employees. His attention is back to the paperwork in front of him, mind buzzing on how to handle the downswing in public opinion on The Seven. You're forgotten as Homelander turns back to the task of being Homelander.

He doesn't even register that he hurt you until the next day. It's the top you're wearing that does it. Long sleeved and out of season, which draws his attention to you for the second time this week. He registers the blooming bruise peeking out from under your sleeve when you bend over to offer handouts about the table. He blinks, clocking the imprint as a mirror of his gloved grip. There's no guilt associated with this realization, simply an understanding of the connection. He did that to you. Homelander marred your pretty skin with a bloom of purple where he grabbed you. Suddenly, it's satisfaction that's coiling in his gut. He likes how you wear his mark.

For better or worse, now he notices you.

Homelander lets his eyes wander up your arm, snagging briefly on your ample chest before flicking across your face. You instantly look away, unable or unwilling to meet his gaze. Cute. He smirks as he takes you in. You're a charming enough little thing. A bit too skittish for his taste, but the bruise he left on you keeps drawing Homelander's eyes back over and over again.

For the entirety of the meeting, Homelander lets his attention wander to you while his eyes roam your form. He's shameless with the ogling and never looks away when you catch him at it. No, he's only further pleased by it. He makes sure to catch your eye as his lips curl up and part slightly, his tongue poking at the corner of his mouth. That gets a blush across your cheeks and you're quick to break eye contact. This only amuses Homelander further and galvanizes him to find further ways to unsettle you throughout the meeting. You are his distraction to make this presentation a little less dull.

The meeting ends and Homelander puts you from his mind once more as soon as you walk out the conference room doors. You're nothing but a passing amusement, something to play with at the next meeting perhaps. He's already letting the image of your blush and the bruise he left on your skin fade from his thoughts before something catches in Homelander's ear later that day as he strides down the hallway.

There are many curious sounds within Vought Tower and Homelander has heard plenty. People whispering secrets across phone lines and into ears. Muffled moans of employees sneaking off to empty conference rooms or even broom closets for salacious rendezvous. The one that catches him now? It's soft, more a quiet exhale with a moan undercutting the sound. He blinks, pausing to look towards where the sound came from. It's your office Homelander finds himself standing outside as he cocks his head to the side. He watches you as you sit at your desk, clearly not thinking yourself observed. X-ray vision lets him watch as you press two fingers into the bruise he left on you, teeth sinking into your bottom lip to hold back that noise. You moan again all the same, your enjoyment evident as your face twists into a brief flash of pleasure.

Oh, isn't that interesting?

Now Homelander's fascination with you ignites. His eyes seek yours constantly throughout every business meeting the two of you find yourselves in now. He's prone to stepping too close and invading your personal space whenever Homelander comes across you, which has jumped in frequency. He even has the gall to hook his pinky on the sleeve of your shirt one day, tugging it up enough to check if the bruise is still there. By then the purple has faded to a duller, splotchy green. His mark is almost gone and Homelander finds he doesn't like that one bit.

The second time Homelander bruises you, it is very intentional. 

He's bolder the second week. Homelander deliberately holds you back after one meeting with a flimsy excuse. Those massive doors ominously shutting close after everyone else has filed out. Now you're trapped inside the conference room with him. It makes your pulse skitter with terror, which is an utter delight to Homelander. He can smell the fear off of you. A heady scent that stirs a primal need within him because it's mingled with your arousal as well. That fact alone has a smirk on Homelander's lips as he approaches you, hands clasped behind his back and under his cape as he leisurely strolls over. Normally, such posture would be non-threatening but on Homelander it's anything but.

It's a terrifying sight yet compelling. Homelander is ever the perfect superhero in looks. Vought's true golden boy that you and countless others privately swoon over in the break room despite his reputation. yet even you have learned that Homelander isn't the squeaky clean supe he's portrayed as. The looming trial only adds further credit to the rumors that circulate about him. Still, it's thrilling, and you may be a little too into the danger Homelander represents. You can't help the anticipation coiling in your belly as you watch him stalk closer.

He traps you there against the wall, shifting as he places a palm flat against it. You stare at his chest as Homelander slides his hand down, lifting it to cup your chin to tilt your gaze up to meet his own. "Er, you wanted to talk sir?" You manage to push the words out, flushing at the tremor in your voice. He smiles and those too sharp canines flash. You shiver, eyes wide as you meet the clear blue of his gaze.

"You bruise easily, don't you?" Homelander muses, his hand on your chin shifting to stroke down your cheek before moving to your neck. Electric heat shoots up your spine from the chaste caress, the leather of his gloves smooth against your skin. His fingers curl around your throat as you feel his thumb ghost over your pulse point. Your breath hitches at the subtle threat but then he's sliding his hand down to tighten his fingers about your shoulder. Homelander digs his thumb in just below your collarbone to the point of pain as he watches you intently.

You hiss in response, eyes squeezing shut before you huff out a sound. It’s not a pained noise. An echo of the sound he’d heard by chance last week. He eases up, a knowing look on his face as you open your eyes again.The scent of your fear lesses, while your arousal fills his nostrils. You like the pain. He smirks all the wider while leaning in to ghost his lips over your cheek. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you." Homelander rumbles out, breath a hot caress against your skin. For the other day or just now? You don't know which he's apologizing for and there's not much time to ponder over that because Homelander's lips are against your own in the next breath.

His mouth against your is Homelander's sort of apology, more for him than you but you enjoy it all the same.

#Homelander #Homelander x reader #homelander x you #Homelander Writing #lil masochist reader~ #he's making that face in the gif for CERTAIN #I had an idea for a third mark but you guys will just have to imagine finger marks on hip bruising #a bitch is tired #I didn't proof read this #ENJOY IT RAW BB #I haven't forgotten my gazillion drafts and fics and asks #I just am...a finicky creature

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Anyone else get some line or dialogue lodged in their brain, then start building a whole ass scene around it? Cause- Yeah.

#homelander #homelander writing #drabble #homelander x OC #Stray #anyway I'm going to make a monster to make out with Homelander #she's wriggling about in my brain #I'm listening to Wuthering Heights and being inspired #Hughie is so smol

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Hello😄 ,requests are open? Do you have any rules?

My requests are open. Uh, I could list all my squicks but hell- Sometimes the prompt hits right or I get an idea and I'll run with it. If I don't like something I'll simply delete it or respond with my thoughts. Obviously if someone is being a lil shit and insulting, I'll just block and move on. There's no rhyme or reason to what asks I'll respond to and when I get to them. It all depends on if I have an idea for the prompt or if I simply have the energy. Also, I'm prone to read prompts, promptly misremember them, or get a related idea and run in that direction with the idea. It's the Wild Wild West in my brain.

#anon ask #ask #shut up Ash #wew #hell if you give me an unspecified prompt I might do something with my OCs for a change #THERE ARE SO MANY #or MMO OCs #Wildstar my beloved #I just have Homelander brain rot obviously....

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Do you accept Yandere requests?

Yandere!Homelander is my favorite and yes I do.

#ask box #anon ask

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Homelander x fem!reader

Homelander with their significant other that gets really horny/touchy feely when she takes THC gummies

The moment he steps into the penthouse, he knows. There's the faint stench of it in the air from what's already sweated out through your pores. Then there's a scent that makes Homelander salivate, the muskier scent of you.

In contrast, your heartbeat is slow and steady because you've yet to notice that he's home. Of course you wouldn't notice, you're sprawled out on the couch like some hedonistic goddess with one hand down your gym shorts.

Your languid, rendered foggy brained with whatever you've ingested. Some sort of gummy candy, he assumes. He's seen you popping them like the candy they're not often enough to make an educated guess. Homelander knows the effect they have on you, too.

You don't seem notice as Homelander makes his way across the room, eyes fixed on the TV with detached interest. He can see it in your expression, how spaced out and unfocused you are. You don't even seem to even wholly focus on what your hand is up to between your thighs. A quick flick of his x-ray vision shows your fingers rub circles around your clit through the fabric of your panties, the sensation pulling the occasional sigh or huff from you but your heart isn't into it. Homelander knows as he's memorized the noises you make when his whole heart is into working you over.

"Do you need help?" He drawls out, smirk on his lips. Homelander drops hands to your shoulders and squeezes gently as he leans over the couch's back to loom over you. The startled squeak and how you jolt in place, and how the reaction is a beat off makes him chuckle. Anyone else would have gone white, heart hammering in fear with round eyes. Not you, though. No, you're beaming up at him like a sunflower turning towards the sun's warmth. You purr, purr out a happy noise with arms lifting so you can promptly bury your fingers in Homelander's hair to play with the strands in your giddiness at seeing him.

It warms some secret section of his heart few know exist, that you're all warm invitation and sunshine to his arrival even as stoned as you must be. One of those hands stroking through his hair had been down your pants and now the scent of your sex is too close to ignore. Homelander inhales deep with eyes rolling up, a groan escaping. You're a sinful little imp and he can already feel his cock twitching in response. You both know how these things go. Homelander leans further over the couch, burying his face against your neck with a huff. His gloves skim off your shoulders, effortlessly plucking you free of the couch before he turns you in his arms. You're happy to snuggle close, all limped limbed as you drape your arms over his shoulders in turn while being mindful of those metal eagles. "Mhhhm, help would be nice." You murmur, chin drooping to his well padded chest as you peer dreamily up at Homelander. You continue to thread your fingers through his hair, messing it up as you play with the strands. He knows that's the hand that had been against your panties for how the scent of you drifts in and out in intensity with your movements. Homelander has to blink multiple times to properly focus on your face. Homelander considers you for a spell, expression perfectly neutral save for the occasional twitch at the corner of his lip as if he's fighting a smile. You wait as time already feels distant, content to rest against the warmth he offers. Content to play with his hair and stare up into those blue blue eyes. You press closer, arms tightening about his neck as you lean up to nuzzle under his chin. Your breathing slows as you make a happy little moan and Homelander feels that noise straight through to his groin. "Alright, yep- Bedroom." Homelander clips out, turning swiftly with you in his arms as his cape swishes behind. Your laugh is pure delight as he carries you to the bedroom.

#homelander x reader #homelander #the boys #Homelander writing #anon ask #ask #oh to be held like a ragdoll in Homelander's strong arms #tee hee #x you #scent kink activated #PLEASE JUST KEEP MY READ MORE WHERE I PUT IT TUMBLR

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I love how engaging and interesting your stories are there's nothing worse than reading a story that's boring everything else can be forgiven bad grammar, pacing, even ooc characterization if it's done right not that you have a problem with any of those things I guess what I'm trying to say is that your fanfics are so fucking interesting and I can't help but read them over and over again.

Gods, just-

Wait, I need a minute. AHDKYDOYCKYCIDDI.

I can't properly keyboard smash on my phone. Aaah. I'm in bed sick and just re-reading this ask as it's balm for my soul. THANK YOU ANON, I'm delighted that I've created stuff worth enjoying over and over again.

#Ask #Anon ask #Shut up Ash

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How about something like Homelander at a meeting with the seven and his wife.

"Wait, wait. I thought we were meeting your wife?" The Deep bursts out, gaze flicking between the two men already within the conference room as the rest of The Seven and Ashley file in. Homelander's smile is strained at best, while Butcher? He's as stone faced as ever. This isn't exactly a spot he ever considered he'd ever be in.

"Bit of an inside joke, ya see." Butcher mutters, stepping up to where Homelander sits to grasp the supe between neck and shoulder. As he tightens his grip, the gold band on his ringer finger catches the light. "Ain't that right, luv?"

Homelander tilts his head up, catching Butcher's eye as he smiles. There's no affection in it, more a predator barring his teeth at a rival. Nothing of the interaction screams that these two are lovers in any sense of the word, let alone a happy couple introducing themselves to The Seven.

An uncomfortable silence follows as everyone else in the room watches the couple. The expressions range from incredulous to utterly baffled. Well, Noir's is blank on account of his mask.

"Homelander- Are you gay?" The Deep sputters out, face pinched in clear confusion as his eyes flick between the two men. "No, you fucking-" A-Train cuts himself off, then takes a breath. "He's bi, like Maeve was." His attention shifts back to Butcher, "Aren't you trying to kill all of us?" Butcher inclines his head, white teeth flashing as he smirks but before he can spit out some British wit The Deep cuts in. "Maeve was bi!?" The Deep's eyebrows jumping up as he turns to stare at A-Train. He leans closer, voice a conspirital whisper. "I thought she was like- A lesbian, ya know?" Homelander has to take a steading breath, squelching the urge to lean over and casually crush The Deep's windpipe. "Boys, boys- Just, stop." Homelander raises a hand to cut off any further conversation as he sighs. He has to take a moment, eyes closing as he rubs at the bridge of his nose. Butcher's hand on his shoulder seems to be half to restrain him and half to keep the supe anchored. "Just- Uh. Don't worry about the labels and yes, we were enemies but- Let's just say we've worked it out."

"Okay, great. Fantastic!", Ashley chirps out in faux cheerfulness while trying not to love her absolute shit. Her mind is spinning with the sheer PR nightmare of introducing the world to the fact that Homelander, Christian ideal supe that he is happens to be a bisexual man and now married to a pardoned terrorist.

#malewife is still his wife #huehuehue #how do they get to this point? #I dunno #lots of hate fucking obv #Butchlander #Homelander #Billy Butcher #The Deep #A-Train #Ashley Barrett #I just had an image in my brain and shook it out #Should I even tag Black Noir with him just vibing? #I imagine this between S3 and S4 so it's not even Earving :c :c :c #the boys fanfic #drabble #Homelander Writing #Butcher Writing #tag tags TAGS #I didn't proofread this YEAAAAAAAAAAAAh #also I can never see Homelander and Butcher being affectionate publically #they save that for the quiet moments alone #only Ryan would ever get to see them at most

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I would like to request Homelander with an S/o who has a teenage daughter, would he be a good stepfather?

If the father is out of the picture? Sure, he'd be just as possessive of any child of a partner as he is with Ryan I'd suspect. A good step-father? Well- As good a father as Homelander can be in general...

Above all things, family is important to Homelander. There is no hesitation in taking Zoe under his wing after solidifying his relationship with her mother. It helps that Ryan has taken such a shine to the young girl, eager to bond with someone coming fresh into their powers as he is. In some ways, Homelander likes to think he created her. At least, he is the reason she's one of his kind now. "Now, now little lady. You can't go running off without telling your old man goodbye." Homelander smile, slow and wide as he turns his attention to the girl with a small tilt of his head in Zoe's direction. Ryan had already given him a quick hug and a 'Bye dad!' before dashing out the front door. There's a pause, because Homelander is not her father and the reason she'd been injected with Compound V in the first place. From the open doorway, Ryan peeks back in to shrug as Zoe catches his eye. A silent exchange and understanding passes between the two children. Sometimes adults must be humored, Homelander included. "Right, bye dad!" The hug is a quick one, Zoe reaching over the couch to squeeze Homelander about the shoulders quickly before bouncing back up. "Attagirl." Homelander chuckles, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze before easing back on the couch. "You kids have fun."

#haha what if Neuman and Homelander- #homelander #homelander writing #Zoe Neuman #Ryan Butcher #drabble #ask #anon ask #Zoe isn't exactly a teen but she might be in S4???? #cause I know the show catches up to real time

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Hello, I like your fanfics, can I request that Homelander's s/o discover that he is cheating on her with Stormfront?

Thank you, anon but thaat's a request I can't fill. Just take all of the horrible feelings about being cheated on and then multiply it by a thousand due to the fact that a nazi managed to seduce him? Also, it would just be writing someone sad and cheated on and- :c Now HOMELANDER being cheated on would be fun because he's here to be tortured. Also, people would die.

As an aside, I know there is that deleted scene with Queen Maeve and Homelander that has Maeve mention their relationship fell apart because Homelander couldn't keep it in his pants, but- I can't imagine that codependent, clingy motherfucker being one for outright cheating. Granted, the timelines are probably a little fuzzy on who Homelander was officially with at any time but I feel like if that toxic golden retriever boy is committed to you, he is committed. Him being led by the nose of any given women at any moment outside of a relationship? Yeah. Just call him a good boy and he'll eagerly trot after you. I am basing this on nothing but vibes, given we've never seen Homelander in a committed relationship but- Whatever.

#homelander #anon ask #ask #homelander headcanon #my cheating radar is broken but I WOULD LIKE TO THINK HE'S FAITHFUL IN A RELATIONSHIP #I'll excuse the mass murdering but draw the line at cheating 😂

[teastainedprose]

Homelander x fem!reader

Listening to the rain together

The drumming of the rain against the windows of his penthouse has been something Homelander has grown to love. The sound of rain on a window or on a roof had been a distant confusion within the lab, heard but never seen. An unknown from the mysterious outside he never had been allowed to see until his debut. Sure, the doctors had tried to explain it to him. They'd shown him videos and images, but he'd never been allowed out to experience it. Not until his first day in a crowd, when he'd fled and been exposed to the yawning blue of the sky.

It had cracked open later that day, after he's run off. That endless sky had cracked open, and water had poured down as if by magic. He'd been soaked through by it, bhut it had felt cleansing. The sky had cried with the child-god in its own way. Now Homelander can watch nature rage on unobstructed from his bed. The beating of the rain and lightning flashing is just as untamed as the first time he'd seen it. Magical in a way only nature can be. It thrills him as much as it soothes him, the constant patter of rain drops becoming a relaxing thrum that helps dull the clamor everything else his ears pick up. Even the colors of his penthouse feel muted under the grey haze of the sky. The perfect scenery for a nap. Which is exactly what you're doing. You'd insisted this was an ideal time for a book and cuddling. Swore up and down that you wouldn't doze off, yet here you are. Asleep. His lips quirk up, recalling your insistence that this time you'll keep your eyes open. The only lie he'll let you get caught in, because it means Homelander can memorize every detail in the soft, grey light. You're tucked in against his side, back towards him and head propped up with your book discarded atop the pillow. Your breathing is slow and measured, chest rising and falling with each deep breath. There's that content curl to your lips with them slightly parted. Pure temptation sprawled beside him, utterly content and trusting of the monster you're nestled against. Yes, he's grown to love rainy days.

#it's raining right now and I would like to be snuggled in bed with a book #sigh #homelander #homelander x reader #drabble #homelander writing #ask #anon ask #the boys fanfic #canon x you #no proofreading just splatting text onto the screen #I WANNA BE HOME IN BED WITH A BOOK #FUCK I LOVE RAINY DAYS #wasted in the office

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Not me sitting here unable to think up any creepy things Homelander can do in someone's apartment beyond playing with sex toys, stealing panties, jacking off, or milk sipping. ksaghsajkdghskagdbcjks I have a beginning and an end but no middle for this chapter.

#🍵 play with fire #maybe i should have him be cute and wholesome for a change #but where is the fun in that? #dude is a creeper rifling through your panty drawer

[teastainedprose]

Homelander x fem!reader

Reader making a mix tape for Homelander and explaining the symbolism of making a mix tape

"You-" Homelander's voice cracks as he holds the cassette up for inspection. "You made this for me?" "Yeah, I just thought you might like some of these songs and I know the cabin has an old cassette player, so I just thought..." You trail off, cheeks turning brighter the longer you stand there. Homelander is staring at the tape, held between forefinger and thumb. He's blinking rapidly. "You don't have to listen to it, or whatever-" You start again, nerves putting a small quaver in your voice. It's stupid, is left unsaid but you think it all the same. Previous partners have said as much. "No, no. This is a cassette tape. You even decorated it." He flips the cassette over, taking in the designs across the label and the extra stickers. Lots of stars and stripes. Campey and cute. "You took the time to use this old tech for me?" Finally, Homelander's eyes settle on your face. "Ah, yeah. I just wanted to make you something. It- It wasn't so hard. There's software that makes mixing tracks easy and transferring it to a cassette only takes the proper wiring," You go on in a rush, eager to explain that tidbit from your hobby now that Homelander is watching you with a bit of wonder. He doesn't say thank you aloud. That's not his way. Instead, Homelander tugs you close to nuzzle his nose against your own before kissing you.

#Homelander #homelander x reader #I can see Homelander using cassette tapes #I feel like he'd be into any 90s tech #as that's what he would have had growing up #now everyone is obliged to give me links to theur Homelander mix tapes #I KNOW YOU FUCKING HAVE THEM #cause I have a Homelander playlist too #fluff #drabble #anon ask #ask #homelander writing #x reader

[teastainedprose]

homelander x fem!reader who RELIGIOUSLY sleeps with a stuffed animal (me and my 20 y/o giraffe with no stuffing in his neck are totally not projecting here)...

he spends the night at her place for the first time and sees it laying on her bed, he teases her for it but is also just slightly jealous because "why do you need this old thing when you've got me?"

"What the fuck is that?" There's equal parts distain and disbelief in Homelander's voice as he plucks up the red plush toy from your bed, turning it over in his hands as a frown tugs his lips down.

"A Charmander," You reply even if you know he has no idea what that is. You busy yourself with turning the covers down as you crawl into bed. Sighing, you Homelander's gaze flicks between you and the large plush toy of a sleeping cartoon creature, one brow lifting. "Ah, right." He rolls his eyes, lips twisting in distain as Homelander squeezes the stuffed animal between his hands. The sleepy placid smile never leaves the Charmander as he briefly sneers at it. "That clears everything up," Homelander quips before dropping the stuffed animal back onto the bed. "Didn't know I was fucking such a childish woman," he goes on with a tone that's almost playful. Almost. You're used to this. Homelander isn't the most mature man. "It's soft and comfy to cuddle." You grab the plush as you settle down in bed, already pulling the covers up over your shoulder as you tuck the stuffed animal in with you. It's your bed the two of you are sharing tonight. Your pillows. Your well-worn sheets and buttery soft blankets. Homelander's bed may be the height of luxury, but it couldn't beat your own for sheer creature comforts. A content sigh escapes you as you burrow down, tucking your chin atop the stuffed animal's head. The perfect pillow. "You're really going to sleep with that- That thing while I'm here?" Homelander asks, voice incredulous as he crawls in beside you. He's quick to tuck himself about your form, never leaving any room for you to breath. Homelander nuzzles into the crook of your neck a moment before settling his chin on your shoulder. His arms snake about your middle, tugging you flush against him as Homelander releases a sigh akin to a put upon dog.

Then he huffs. You can sense as much as see the glare he's giving the toy as you glance up to him.

"Are- Are you jealous of my Charmander?" "No," it's a petulant grumble as he turns to press his face back into your neck. He nuzzles again before his teeth graze the sensitive flesh there and then he bites. "M'just not interested in an audience." There's a growl to his voice and you swear he sounds territorial. Over a plushie. You laugh and the sound turns into a delighted shriek as Homelander moves over you, teeth clamping on your neck as his hands roam over your body. Somewhere along the way, Homelander makes sure to pluck your stuffed animal free of the covers to toss it onto the floor.

#haha guess what plushie I have in my bed #also Homelander can shove it #you can pry my plushies from my cold dead hands #also Pokemon is canon in The Boys verse #Hughie said so #which means Homelander COULD have grown up with Pokemon ;;~;; #homelander #homelander x reader #the boys #homelander writing #drabble #ask #anon ask #the boys fanfic #homelander x f!reader #x reader