Phantom with "Stay with me. Come on, just stay with me" with fem!reader because I love pain 🙃
Worthy of Her Light
Clone OC Phantom × fem!Reader (jedi general, left vague)
Word Count: 807
Prompt: "Stay with me. Come on, just stay with me"
Rating: PG-14 for violence and death and sads, but as always MINORS DNI 🔞
Contents and Warnings: vague war violence, character death (technically its Reader)
Song: Shrike by Hozier (Live at Windmill Lane)
Summary: Phantom loved her. He thought, hoped really, he even had the shot at a future with her. Kids, a pet, a place to call their own... he doesn't think that anymore. He doesn't think he'll ever have it. Because she's gone... how is he supposed to live without her?
Author's Notes: This one is in Phantom's POV because painful. Get those first hand feels. Wanna know why Phantom acts like how he does? His fuckboi origins? Yeah it's sadder than you think.
Thank you @n0vqni for this prompt, and your patience ♡ I hope it's worth the wait.
I had never seen a more beautiful person in all my life. Which, that says something, considering what I look like. When I first saw her, I was still brand new, fresh of the cadet line. Shiny, no scuffs, no paint, no scars... I used to hide behind Wraith, if you can believe that. She'd come around, and I'd duck behind him blushing, too nervous to even say hi.
"You're Phantom, right?"
I'd just gotten my name, I wasn't even used to it yet, I was so surprised she knew it. So she waits while I'm lookin around for whoever the fuck "Phantom" is before I jump, go, "Kriff, that's me! Uh, yeah, 1404, Phantom now, I guess."
I think the worst thing about all this, is I never got her name. When she held out her hand, saying who she was, I was too focused on how soft she was... her hands were soft. So warm and gentle, but a firm handshake. I thought to myself "you'll hear it again, someone else will say it. You'll hear it again."
Everyone called her "General", damn title. "Yes ser." Damn formalities. I asked Specs once, he knows everyone's names, real good about it, but he just laughed at me. Said something witty, he's good like that, but... I don't remember what he said anymore. We lost her that day.
I lost her that day. That's all I remember, the fear, the pain...
General Valka, it was the first battle I'd seen him bare his fangs in. We'd been in scraps before, but this one was a full out bloodbath. First time I was scared of him. He snarled, looked at me with those piercing eyes, and growled, "Find her." Over the roar of artillery fire.
In my gut, I already knew. I knew it was too late. I... I couldn't tell you how I found her. None of it makes any sense, even today... Athena swears it was the force guiding me, but clones, we don't... that's not what this is about. It's about her.
Another medic from the 418th was there, he was trying to patch her up, but... but that's hard to do when there's not much left. I yanked off my helmet and threw it forward so I could retrieve it easier.
Her laugh, fuck... fuck I miss it so much. She laughed when my helmet landed beside her, "So dramatic! Acting like you're- ah- you're seeing someone die for th-the first time."
"You're not! You're not, just-- just stay with me, okay? Stay, please? Please... stay with me, come on..."
The medic gave her a shot, quick with a med gun, and I knew what it was immediately. Heavy sedative and a pain killer. There was nothing he could do for her. He left.
"You should get out of here too, you know. The Republic won't like it if their prettiest clone gets blown up in the mud with one of their generals... Tommy, you have to go."
"No." My voice was strained, I held her hand as she placed it on my cheek, "No, I-- I love you, I love you, so I'm not leaving. I'll never--"
"What's my name?"
Her smile was so soft. She knew I didn't know it... she was trying to get me to give up on her. Give me a hall pass, let me leave her there like I would a stranger... "Your name is mine... you're name is the sound of my heart beat when I see you in anywhere. That feeling of nerves in my stomach when I hear you laugh. That kiss I stole in the 'fresher that morning after we-"
"Tommy," her thumb ran over my lips, and I could taste her blood. She smiled at me, pulled me down to kiss her again, one more time. She put her other hand on my chestplate pushing her lightsaber for me to take as whispered against my lips, "I loved you, too... don't stay..."
She died there. I couldn't leave her, I refused. I wrapped when remained of her in her jedi robes, and I carried her back to base. We were there for 15 more days, I don't know what became of her body. General Valka said she was transferred to her home planet, but I couldn't tell you which one it was...
I couldn't tell you anything about her, other than I loved her. I loved her, I begged her to stay, I lost her, and she's gone.
Dax'Malkin told me to keep her light saber. I hope someday I'll be able to turn it on for myself, to see the glow of the golden light blade. When I remember her name, I'll be worthy of that light. I'm told the force can hear us, so, if you're listening...
I love you, still.
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Giiiiiirl! We all need some Tech, but something soft and chaste, complicated, slow burning, very angsty! And with some heartache, don't forget the heartache!
😮... erm... Anoooon!
Lucky for you, I have something in my wips I could work on that feels like it fits this profile... in a way... I guess. Heartache? Okay, but don't come crying to me later. It was originally a draft with my OC (Which I never would have finished or published anyway), but I think I can fix it up.
Tech/Howzer x 'Jedi'!Fem!Reader - Shortfic / Oneshot - The Misfits
Warnings: Angst/Hurt/Fluff/Heartache/!!!!MAJOR SPOILER FOR TBB S2!!!!!
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After you fell in love with Howzer, you left the Order. You haven't seen him for a long time and according to rumors he is most likely no longer alive.
In your search for answers to where all the clones are disappearing to, you stumble upon a squad of clones in desperate need of help.
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AC: I changed some timeline related things as well as canon itself and call it artistic freedom 🙂. Depending on your point of view, there is a happy ending, or there is none. Or a bit of both. I totally went over board with this, but I kinda love it. It's probably one of my favorite things I worked on.
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Above him, the life of his squad hangs by a thread; below him is a yawning void, a deep abyss. Within a few heartbeats, Tech has calculated all possible scenarios. There is only one way out, one way only. He can save his family if he sacrifices himself. Plan 99. Wrecker and Omega beg him not to cut the connection, Hunter even orders him to.
"When have we ever followed orders," Tech says, drawing his blaster.
Every move, that what he needs to do is logical, but it feels surreal, heavy-handed. His heart is pounding up to his throat, yet he feels strangely calm. He knows he's doing the right thing. Tech doesn't want to go, but it's a necessity to ensure the continued existence of Clone Force 99, to give his brothers and Omega a chance to survive.
The few seconds in which he aims and pulls the trigger are forever, seeming almost infinite to him. He hears his brothers calling for him and Omega's screams. In the next moment, the connection is cut, and he drops falls, his stomach tingling, everything tingling, but his muscles relaxed. His heart is racing, but his mind is calm and unusually empty for the first time in a long time.
But something is wrong, his fall slows down, even his direction of flight changes. His mind awakens again. Tech looks around, tries to orientate himself, and realizes that he is heading for one of the towers along which the cable car runs. He has no idea what is happening, there is no logical explanation, no updrafts strong enough, he has no wings and no way to control his fall, it makes no sense.
He gets close enough to grab one of the crossbars on the tower. His heart leaps as his fall stops, and he clings to the tower. Tech still can't quite grasp that he's alive, doesn't quite understand what just happened. A surge of euphoria floods his body; he doesn't have to die.
But his mind sobers up very quickly. His gaze shoots upward. The car with his brothers is moving again, but disproportionately fast, they would very likely crash into the stop.
Up above the tracks he sees a figure, a woman, she moves quickly, elegantly, dodging shots, but most interesting, she wields a green lightsaber with which she deflects the blaster shots of the Imperials.
"A Jedi," he says to himself.
Then comes the realization. He didn't fly, the Jedi must have saved him. Tech begins to hastily climb down, he must be on the ground on foot trying to reach his brothers in time. At the bottom, even as he runs, he hears the car crash into the platform. His guts want to tie themselves in knots, but he keeps running, can only hope that no one is too badly hurt.
You see dust and smoke swirl up as you jump down from the tracks into the crash site. Behind you, you hear hurried footsteps. The one you rescued earlier also reaches the crash site. He stops for a moment, stares at you, his eyes big. Finally, he rushes past you into the wreckage to check on his companions.
Some of them are injured, not fatally, but too badly to fight.
"I assume you have a shuttle," you say, more or less addressing everyone.
"Who's that?" the biggest of them asks with a groan, holding his aching ribs.
You wave it off and say, "We can work that out later. I'll back you up on the way to your shuttle if you'll take me. The imperials shot down my shuttle," you say, helping the girl to her feet, who looks at you wide-eyed, then at Tech.
"TECH!"
The girl hugs the man fiercely as tears stream down her face.
"You're alive!" she says as if she can't believe it.
He wipes away her tears and says gently but firmly, "You need to pull yourself together for a moment, Omega, first we need to get out of here"
"Go!" growls the one with the longer hair and bandana, "No time".
He grits his teeth, stumbles limping through the rubble and almost falls, but you grab his arm and help him. You can sense his pain.
"Thank you," he presses out in anguish, between clenched teeth.
Under fire, you rush back to the shuttle as fast as you can. Tech helps the sergeant, the big one named Wrecker holds up on his own. You fend off incoming shots, more than a few of which would hit one back or another without your help. The blade of the laser sword hums, buzzing through the air like an extension of your body, every movement, fluid and natural.
Tech keeps looking over his shoulder, fascinated. He's seen many a Jedi, but somehow, there is something different about you, something that already draws him in.
Pabu is beautiful, peaceful and the people refreshingly warm. A good place to come to rest, at least temporarily. However, you are a bit frustrated at the moment, your attempts to repair your holopad have failed. Annoyed, you place the device back down on the half-wall in front of you.
"Fuck it," you grumble to yourself as you hear a soft noise behind you.
You turn and see Tech, his helmet tucked under his arm, looking at you in surprise with raised brows. He's unobtrusive, yet somehow always near you.
"Excuse my choice of words," you say with a wry smile.
He shrugs carefully and says, "I may not be a fan of that language, but it doesn't bother me much either. However, I must say that this choice of words surprises me, hearing it from a Jedi. I don't think I've ever heard a Jedi swear before."
You laugh softly.
"What makes you think I'm a Jedi?"
Tech blinks thoughtfully, adjusts his goggles with his index finger, and says, "Well, I thought it was obvious. You carry a lightsaber, use the Force, and you are clearly not a Sith."
You nod slowly, "Yes, I can understand why you would come to that conclusion. But I'm not a Jedi, not anymore, not for a few years now."
He extends his hand to you invitingly and says, "May I help you with that?"
You pick up the holopad again and pass it to him. As he deftly takes the device apart, he cautiously asks, "May I ask why you left the Order?"
You sigh softly and sit down on the half-wall, looking down at the beach for a moment as if searching for an answer there, then look at Tech again.
"I never really fit in with the Jedi. You could say among the Jedi I was an outsider to some extent."
Tech looks up curiously from the holopad. He notes that this is something that connects you, he and his brothers never really fit in among the other clones either. He says, "That must have been difficult."
You nod with a sigh, "Sometimes more, sometimes less. I lacked that absolute calm, that restraint. Although I grew up in the Order from a very young age, I have never been able to put aside my emotional nature. The decision that I had to leave the Order was made when I fell in love."
Tech looks up again, blinking, you sense unease beneath his surface.
"In love?" he asks, swallowing, "Oh. Jedi aren't supposed to do that, are they?"
"No, they shouldn't. Well, it happens to many actually, but a real Jedi, cuts themselves loose from it, I didn't want that to happen."
The little, "Oh" that comes across his lips sounds oddly vulnerable.
Tech is still tinkering with your holopad when he asks, "And what happened to that love of yours?"
You swallow and feel an uncomfortable pressure on your chest as you answer quietly, "I don't know. I haven't seen him in a very long time. He was stationed on Ryloth. After Order 66, I couldn't possibly go there, too many clones in one place, and… I was terrified that he had succumbed to the chip as well. If he had tried to kill me, I don't think I could have stomached it. But from what I've heard, he's probably no longer alive anyway."
Tech looks at you in surprise.
"The man you loved was a reg?"
You frown and repeat, "Reg?"
He shakes his head apologetically.
"Sorry. Regular clone, meaning clones that haven't been modified like Clone Force 99"
"Oh, I see," you say understandingly, "Yes, by that standard I suppose he was a Reg. As far as I've heard, he ultimately acted contrary to programming. He was arrested for treason when he liberated the Syndulla family"
Tech looks up again.
"Howzer?" he asks, surprised.
"Yeah," you say, also surprised, "You know him?"
"[Knowing him] is probably too much of a word. We ran into him. At the Syndullas liberation operation. For that matter, I'm afraid I have to confirm the rumor you heard, Howzer really has been arrested by the Empire for treason."
Your heart grows heavy. You swallow. You feel a slight burning behind your eyes and the bridge of your nose.
"Then I guess he really is dead," you say with a heavy sigh, "Actually, I'm not surprised, I was already expecting it, and we haven't seen each other in over a year, but it still hurts."
Tech put the holopad back together. He gently presses the device into your hand, holding your hand almost tenderly for a brief moment as he does so.
"I'm sorry."
He's really sorry, but part of him feels relief that Howzer can't be a part of your life anymore, and he's ashamed of it. In fact, he's shocked at how he feels about you and how that realization affects him.
As Tech lets go of you, he says softly, "Your holopad is working again."
You blink and look at the device.
"Thank you so much. You're really handy with these things, aren't you?"
Tech smiles gently.
"At the risk of sounding smug, I have to say, 'handy' is probably an understatement, but yes".
Tech's heart beats faster when he sees you enter the room. He looks up, smiles at you briefly, and nervously turns his attention back to the cards lying on a box in front of him.
"You're playing… Against yourself?" you ask, surprised.
He nods and says as a matter of course, "Of course, that's the only way this game is still a challenge for me."
Your soft laugh, turns his cheeks a little pink.
"I actually believe you," you say, amused.
You glance over his shoulder.
"You're probably really good at this, you'll have to teach me when you have the time".
Tech's shoulders tighten proudly, he turns his head to the side to look at you shyly for a moment and shows you his cute little smile, just very briefly, but adorably cute.
You are so close, very close to him, for a moment he can smell your scent even more clearly than before and a shiver runs through his body. If he wasn't sitting right now, Tech is sure, his knees would buckle under him. What's happening to him here, what are you doing to him? Does this have something to do with the Force? Tech doesn't dare ask. But he feels something like a connection, and he feels all warm. Maybe he's just incubating a disease. Are there parasites on Pabu that he doesn't know about?
His thoughts are racing in all directions, but then you move again, sit down opposite him. His gaze follows you, spellbound. Tech blinks several times, trying to collect himself. Spending time with you is so wonderful in a way, so exciting, but it also completely messes with his head.
"Are we going to play a game? Will you teach me?"
His mouth opens, but it takes him a long moment to find his voice again.
"I… yes, I'd love to. But the circumstances aren't exactly fair. My mind is… special, it will be anything but easy to win against me"
With a soft laugh whose sound tickles all the way to his stomach, you say, "I don't have to win, first I just want to learn"
You learn quickly. Surprised, with a very slight tinge of frustration, and not a little appreciation, he notes that you soon beat him over and over again.
"No one has ever won against me until now," he says, impressed, but also thoughtful.
Part of him was hoping to impress you, but now he almost feels a little intimidated.
You smirk.
"Well, this is a game where a lot depends on how well you know your opponent and how to interpret their behavior. I have a simple advantage, I can sense your intentions in the Force, maybe the circumstances really aren't fair."
His pulse races. Instead of being angry that you more or less cheated through the Force, panic rises in him. If you can sense his intentions, can you sense what you are triggering in him?!
You tilt your head slightly to the side and look at him questioningly, which only emphasizes his fear. Tech jumps up, nearly knocking over the box still containing your playing cards.
"I have to take care of something," he stammers and runs out of the room a little too hastily.
Echo enters the cockpit of the Marauder in search of Tech. He finds him there, too, using a medical scanner on himself. Echo's brows go up questioningly.
"Tech, what's wrong?"
Startled, Tech looks up, collects himself, and finally answers, "I'm looking for traces of a disease or parasite."
Concerned, Echo moves closer.
"So you're not feeling well?"
Tech sighs and says, "It's hard to tell. I'm showing certain symptoms"
"Which are?"
"Increased heart rate, queasy feeling in stomach, sweaty palms, shaky knees".
Echo frowns and says, "That doesn't sound like a parasite."
Echo thinks for a moment and then something occurs to him. With a certain undertone, he asks, "Those symptoms wouldn't happen to show up in connection with our Jedi guest?"
Tech lowers the scanner and looks critically at Echo.
"Are you suggesting she might have infected me with something?"
Echo says, amused, "More or less. She's pretty, she's nice, well she's special."
Tech sighs softly and says, "I agree."
Echo sits down in the copilot seat, looks at Tech and says, "You'd rather be sick than in love?"
"In love?!" echoes Tech in near panic.
His brother raises his hands placatingly.
"Relax, it's a normal thing, not the end of the world. But it's also natural to have a certain respect for these feelings. They make us vulnerable and as soldiers we are trained to avoid such things, especially as clones. But there are no regulations anymore, you could take the leap and explore these feelings."
Techs heart beats faster, just the thought that there might be something between you sends what feels like millions of signals through his body.
"Are you scared?"
Tech gulps.
"I'm not sure about that, in a way I guess I am. She can use the Force, maybe she already knows, maybe she's already sensed what I'm feeling."
Echo shrugs.
"I suppose it's possible. But so far it doesn't seem to me like she's avoiding you, that's a good sign after all."
Tech nods slowly, agreeing with his brother.
The sun is slowly setting, but it is still wonderfully warm. Your hands rest on the waist-high stone wall in front of you and feel the warmth of the sun stored in it, which has been shining on it all day. A real, pleasant feeling. Then you feel something else, with your mind.
"Hey, Tech. Did you get done what you needed to get done?"
You turn to him with a smile. It's almost unusual to see him without his datapad in his hand. Tech stands next to you and looks out at the ocean and how the sun seems to be sinking into the water on the horizon.
"Yes, I have," he says softly.
You can sense that something is going on beneath his surface, he is excited and euphoric at the same time, but outwardly he seems quite calm. You look at each other, you feel it coming, but you don't move a muscle. Unsure if you want to let it happen or not. He leans towards you, his lips chastely touching your cheek, then he straightens up again with blushing cheeks and looks out at the water again, unable to face your gaze.
It's a strange feeling. You like Tech a lot, you can't quite place it yet, but something about it feels wrong, maybe because you can't quite release Howzer from your heart yet.
"Sorry," he says suddenly, "I didn't mean to cross any lines."
You sigh softly and carefully reach for his hand. Tech's heart overflows with joyful excitement, you can feel it, it practically spills over to you, but you pull yourself together.
"There's something you should know, Tech."
He does finally look at you again, questioningly.
"You can tell me anything," he says quietly.
With a cautious smile, you nod and say, "I can feel what you feel for me, at least I think I can. These feelings, I must admit, are not entirely one-sided."
There is great joy radiating from him, nervousness, euphoria, but also a bitter undertone of insecurity.
He says, "I have a feeling there's still a 'but' there."
You nod again and say, "My heart is not ready to let go of Howzer. I know he's most likely no longer among the living, but I'm not ready to let him go just yet."
"Oh," Tech says quietly, "That's not a problem. I, um, I can wait until you're ready."
"I can't ask you to do that, I don't know how long it will take" you say uncertainly, lowering your eyes.
You would love to let him hug and comfort you, just let go and snuggle up to Tech's side, but something, hidden deep inside you, prevents you from doing so.
Tech repeats determinedly, "I can wait," and very gently squeezes your fingers in his hand.
At that moment, your heart opens a little wider to him and his, adorably sweet, little, smile.
"Rex is coming to Pabu," Hunter says, "And he's bringing some more of our brothers with him that he was able to rescue from the clutches of the Empire."
You remember Rex, a little bit, anyway. A decent guy, good soldier, he was Skywalker's Clone Captain. Skywalker was the only Jedi at the time who seemed to understand you to some extent, at least you always had a good conversation with him. You wonder where he is now, if he is still alive. But a noise pulls you out of your thoughts.
A shuttle is approaching and lands next to the Marauder, which suddenly seems quite small in comparison. The ramp opens and Rex emerges from it, followed by several other clones.
Tech shows up next to you, giving you a gentle smile before focusing on the arrivals, his datapad in hand as usual.
You greet the new arrivals. Rex even recognizes you, you talk for a moment when you hear someone say, "Hey little Jedi."
There is only one man who has ever called you that.
"Howzer", the name comes across your lips like a whisper.
You turn around and see him standing in front of you. He looks tired, but the smile on his face is still irresistible. Neither of you think for long. You embrace each other stormily and Howzer engages you in a long, longing kiss.
As his lips part from yours, he leans his forehead against yours and says, "Honestly, I hardly dared to hope I'd ever see you again, beautiful."
The world around you has faded out, there is only Howzer and you, even though all eyes are on you. Some confused, others amused. But you also feel Tech's shock, poking through all the other sensations surrounding you, like an electric shock.
The datapad in his hands crackles and creaks protestingly under the pressure of Tech's fingers as he watches your kiss. He didn't expect this, didn't expect Howzer to ever appear on the scene again.
Tech could have imagined waiting until you were ready for him, but this changes everything. The realization is like a shock, and a wave of bitterness rolls over him against his will.
The datapad cracks in his hands. Echo next to him stares in disbelief at the kissing scene, then his gaze shifts to Tech with concern.
"Tech…" he says softly, but Tech drops the datapad to the floor, turns on his heel, and walks away in a hurry.
Hunter and Echo exchange a frown, a worried look.
"I'll go check on him," Echo says, and sets about following Tech.
That same evening, you're sitting on the beach with Howzer, holding hands, talking, telling each other all the things that happened during the time you were apart. Then you feel it again, the tentative, tender presence of Tech. You turn your head and look up at him.
You haven't seen him since this morning, since Rex and Howzer arrived. You don't know where he's been or what he's been doing during that time. But since Echo followed him and also stayed gone all day, you suspect he was talking to his brother.
"I'm sorry to bother you. I know you probably have a lot to talk about, but I'd like to ask for a private conversation," Tech says in a matter-of-fact tone.
Howzer frowns questioningly, but when you agree and leave with Tech, he has no objections, trusting you and waiting on the beach as Tech and you walk away, out of earshot and sight.
"I know," Tech begins, "Things have changed now, of course. Howzer's still alive, and I don't presume to make demands or get in the way. I'm very fond of you, and even though I'd like to be in Howzer's place, all I really want is for you to be happy."
His pain is deep and more intense than you expect, you can feel it almost as clearly as if it were your own.
"I'm so sorry, I-"
Tech raises his hand.
"No, don't be. Neither my feelings nor the current situation are your fault. You should be happy, you have the man you love back."
Everything inside you tightens. Yes he is right, you should be happy, but you are not, not completely. But maybe that's just what you feel going out from Tech.
"Something about this whole situation doesn't feel right," you say so softly that he almost doesn't hear it.
He smiles sadly and says, "That's just because you're a good person, you have a good heart. You know that I feel pain, and you would like to change that. But you can't, this is something that will heal with time."
You take a deep breath, stand on your tiptoes, and he leans towards you. You gently kiss Tech's cheek and say, "You know I still care about you immensely, right?"
He swallows, finally nods, and says, barely audibly, "I know that."
As you part ways, he stares after you for a long time as his hand automatically moves to his cheek and his fingers settle on the spot where you kissed him. He will never forget this moment.
Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)
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