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karikarasuno · 19 days

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sonder ch. viii

Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader x Levi Ackerman

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Warnings/Tags: Lack of Communication, Flirty Behavior, Masturbation, Eavesdropping, Descriptions of Sex, Too Many Feelings

Word Count: 5.6k

song(s) for the chapter: my all by mariah carey

chapter vii | chapter viii | chapter ix

Pandora’s box. That was what Moblit and Hange were currently trying to pry open from you with their bare hands. When you agreed to take a late lunch with Moblit, you hadn’t realized that your chicken caesar wrap would be accompanied with a side of interrogation. All lighthearted and well-intentioned, but you’ve been unsurprisingly irritable lately. Your newly realized feelings for Levi and Erwin left you emotionally drained and physically tense. Not that it was anyone else’s fault but your own. Moblit, though, was not helping the situation. And Hange’s erratic commentary was truly the cherry on top.

“I’m just saying you all seem awfully close,” Moblit said. He was teasing you and it was clear, but you couldn’t help but bristle at his words.

“Friends fuck sometimes and that’s okay,” Hange added, thoughtful and serious, which made your jaw drop and your food bitter in your mouth.

“Hange, please,” you said, pushing your half-eaten wrap to the side and taking a sip of your iced hibiscus tea instead. “We’re not,” your lips refused to fix around the word fuck out loud, “sleeping together.”

“So then what are you three doing together all the time?” Moblit asked innocently. The innocence was a mere facade, though, since you knew he was simply trying to fish for information.

“Hanging out. Y’know, like we are, right now.”

“Right,” he said unconvinced. “So you expect us all to believe you’re not dating?”

“Yes, exactly that. Because it’s not a belief if it’s a fact,” you bit out, your eyes narrowing at him when he smiled and shrugged.

“So you and Erwin are just hanging out as friends this Saturday?”

“How the hell do you even know about that?!” You whispered loudly, leaning towards him and snatching a potato wedge from his plate as payment for your distress. Levi had asked a favor of you yesterday when he had to take a last minute shift for Saturday since one of his regular patients needed an emergency session. Erwin’s father and his fiancee signed up for a dance lesson for their upcoming wedding and invited Erwin and Levi to join them. But given Levi’s schedule change, he asked you to join them in his place. You said yes (obviously) because you said yes to all of their requests, even if it was at your own emotional expense.

“Levi told me,” Hange said casually. “He only feels a little bad over it because he hates dancing.”

“Of course he did and of course he does,” you responded grumpily as you slouched back in your seat and looked out the window you were seated beside. “This is just a favor anyway, nothing else.”

“Not a date,” Moblit nodded, as if he was agreeing with you when in actuality he was pressing you further.

“Do you think my first date with someone would be a double date with his dad and his dad’s fiancee?”

“Sounds romantic enough to me,” he grinned, swiping the uneaten half of your wrap and taking a large bite in retaliation for the wedge you stole. You stared at him for a minute, observing the tiny moments of intimacy he always shared with Hange. The light grazing of his fingers on the back of their neck or the way they always made sure he had enough to drink in his cup. It seemed so easy. Fluid. Envy turned in your gut and it was only worsened by the knowledge of knowing your friends bore witness to your complicated relationship with Levi and Erwin, but knew you couldn’t do anything about it.

“I don’t see what your point is,” you mumbled, glancing away from them again as Hange took a napkin and cleaned the corner of Moblit’s mouth that had a smear of caesar dressing left there aggressively. You fought a disgusted sneer at the softness between them to not come off as bitter. Which you definitely were.

“My point is, if it sounds like dating and it looks like dating,” he said it slowly as if you were beyond the capability of comprehension. “It’s dating.”

“Well maybe you should break it to your buddies that according to you they have a girlfriend,” you said with an annoyed eye roll. “Because as far as I know I am their neighbor who also happened to turn into a friend.”

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” Hange started, leaning forward with their elbows on the table. “But we’ve known Levi and Erwin for a long time and all we’re trying to say is it’s worth a conversation.”

“What conversation is there to be had?” You whined in exasperation. The memory of your almost kiss with Levi popped into your mind without your consent, the skin of your neck and chest warming up at the thought. That was a conversation that definitely needed to be had, but it had already been weeks since that night and neither of you made a move to bring it up. And with all your dinners together since then another incident like that hadn’t happened again. So, you forced it from your mind and refused to dwell on something that may have meant nothing at all.

“The one regarding your feelings,” Moblit emphasized.

“What feelings?” You said stubbornly, arms crossing and an agitated huff released from your lips. You were starting to hate how easy it was for Moblit to read you. He had an uncanny ability of seeing straight through you. His intuition was nearly always right, especially when it came to the sticky complication of the emotions you swore you hid quite well.

“You’re hopeless,” Moblit shook his head, placing your wrap back on your plate with a large chunk missing. Thankfully, they dropped the topic after that. But your mind couldn’t help but toss the concept around in your head for the rest of the day.

They made it sound so simple. So normal. As if you entering an already established relationship with two men wasn’t odd or complicated. And it wasn’t as if you were any sort of advocate for traditional relationships. It was just something you never considered. A relationship with one man nearly broke you in two. And almost a year later, you were still reeling from the aftermath. It was hard enough grappling with the fact that you were falling in love with two people at the same time. You recognized long ago that you had the capacity for it. Loving people with your whole being was not a foreign concept to you. But extending that love, acting on that love, that you held for Levi and Erwin seemed crazy in a way that you couldn’t imagine.

If one man had the capability to crack your soul in half so deeply the damage seemed irreparable, you could not fathom giving your heart away to two. Surely, the loss of their friendship alone would leave you raw and exposed. It would reverse all the work you had done this far. And you were afraid of the person you would become if you faced another loss like that. You felt jaded and cynical enough. If you handed your heart over to them, only for it to be returned in pieces seemed like a fruitless endeavor. Stupid, even.

So you kept it exactly where it was. In the center of your chest with a stitched crack down the middle.

“Erwin, we’re going to be late,” you called for him from his doorway. He was adamant on finding his black t-shirt, which you didn’t realize was even a remotely big deal. But, apparently it was and you had to be at the dance studio by 5pm. Currently, it was 4:36pm and it was a 20 minute drive.

“Just a second! I found it,” he yelled back excitedly and you couldn’t hold back your loud sigh because you really did hate being late to things like this. It always made you anxious. Another minute passed as you began to tap your heeled foot against the concrete step outside his door because you were convinced that if you stepped inside he wouldn’t feel your obvious sense of urgency.

“Erwin!” You shouted again, pulling your phone out of your purse to double check the time.

“I’m coming,” he rounded the corner breathlessly, black shirt fitted around his torso with a zip up slung over his shoulder since it was still chilly outside this early in the new spring season.

“You looked fine before,” you complained, grabbing his forearm and tugging him outside when he was close enough. “I don’t know why you needed to change.”

He locked the door behind himself, bounding down the steps to meet you at the gate. His hand found the small of your back then as he guided the two of you to his car, “I wanted to match.”

He grinned down at you with pleasant sincerity. As if matching with you was a necessity to this particular outing, and if he didn’t he would’ve ruined the entire thing. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” he smiled again and opened the door for you. “What’s the point in going to a couples dance class if we don’t match?”

Your jaw ticked at the word couple, your muscles spasming in your lower back when his hand disappeared and left you cold and tense. He was excited, but you could sense his nervous energy the moment you were in the car and driving towards your destination. This wouldn’t be his first time meeting his father’s fiancee, but it was still evident that he struggled with the idea of his dad getting remarried. And in typical Erwin fashion he played everything off as if it didn’t truly bother him. But knowing him for almost a year now, you could sense the tiny cracks in his facade. The fractures in his usually ebullient personality were starting to become more and more apparent. You wanted him to feel comfortable in your presence. And at present his nerves were crackling off of him like sparklers in the hands of a child on new year’s eve.

“Are you nervous?” You asked, eyes tracking a couple on the sidewalk beside the car as they walked their dog.

“About?” His tone was hesitant, like he could sense you calling him out on his anxious energy. But instead of confronting him like Levi probably would have, you allowed his feign on indifference to steer your conversation.

“Stepping on my toes,” you said with a teasing smile at him. He stopped at a red light, turning to grin at you–teeth white and smile blinding.

“Oh sweetheart,” he replied in playful condescension, “I’m a terrific dancer.”

“We’ll have to see about that,” you responded snidely, expression unconvinced as you turned to look at him just as the light turned green. He released a loud laugh, his hand moving from the gear shift and hovering above your knee for a second. You were curious as to what he was about to do, your thigh tensing involuntarily before his hand landed on your knee and he squeezed. Your breath was held tightly in your chest, your cheeks growing warmer (a constant, uncontrollable reaction you were becoming increasingly more irritated by), and when his hand didn’t move for the rest of the drive every attempt you made at relaxing only made the discomfort fester more beneath your skin.

The studio was small and on the second floor of a renovated townhome with a cute bookstore on the first floor. On one side of the room were floor to ceiling windows with a perfect view of the park that was just across the street. The lights were golden and dimmed to create an intimate and private atmosphere. Before you entered the studio, your short heels clicking satisfyingly against the glossed wooden floor panels, Erwin’s phone rang and he stepped back out, leaving you to greet the instructors alone.

They were an older couple with thick accents that you could only attribute to an eastern European country, but you weren’t sure which one.

“Hello, pretty,” the woman greeted you first, leaning over to press her cheek against yours. She was beaming at you, her eyes sparkling with excitement and you couldn’t stop the sheepish smile from stretching your lips in response. Her husband, you assumed, extended his hand to you in a warm handshake.

You heard Erwin finally walk in behind you again, tugging on your purse to slip his phone inside before he said, “Looks like it’s just you and me. That was my dad and he said he can’t make it.”

“Is everything ok?” You said with a note of worry, but also the itchy feeling of anxiety stirred in your chest because this truly was a date now. Whether you wanted to admit that or not.

“Yeah, he’s okay. I refused to ask what he was up to considering the fact that he was out of breath.” He shivered at the thought, and you laughed at the grossed out look on his face.

“I don’t blame you,” you said, stepping aside so the instructors could introduce themselves. You had to suppress an eye roll when Erwin kissed the older woman on the cheek and she pulled away blushing. Someone had to be immune to his charms and it was unfortunate that it wasn’t you.

“You two make such a beautiful couple,” the lady said warmly as she led Erwin further into the room and you saw his face light up in the mirror that was parallel to you.

“Oh, we’re n-”you started, but was swiftly interrupted by Erwin’s appreciative, “thank you.”

Maybe it was easier to indulge rather than explain in a roundabout way to strangers that you weren’t actually together. And that he actually had a boyfriend. Both of which you spend an alarming amount of time with.

“If it sounds like dating and it looks like dating. It’s dating.”

Moblit’s words clanged around your skull like a ping pong ball gone rogue. The sharp sounds rang in your ears and you were dumbly frozen in place until Erwin turned towards you with an outstretched hand and a teasing, “are we gonna dance or are you too worried about stepping on my toes?”

Embarrassingly enough, you did step on Erwin’s toes. Not because you lacked the coordination or balance or rhythm, but because you were stiff as a board. He was impossibly close to you. One hand on the small of your back applied enough pressure to keep your bodies pressed together while his other hand held onto yours securely. It was a simple waltz, but you couldn’t concentrate on anything besides the way his firm body felt pressed up against the softness of yours.

Finally, when you were awarded a short break as the instructors went over to choose another song, you all but pushed Erwin off of you so that you could inhale a breath that wasn’t stained with the smell of his cologne. He was smiling as if he was thoroughly enjoying himself. And looking at you as if he was privy to some sort of damning information about you.

“You need to loosen up,” he said while stepping back into your space, his hands swiftly finding your shoulders and massaging the very present tension there. You sighed, the knot that settled near your neck forever ago being worked out by his attentive and strong fingers. “You know Levi can massage this out for you,” he added when he felt the obvious discomfort in your shoulders.

“I’m not gonna bother him with that,” you shrugged Erwin off as you said it, inhaling another steadying breath.

“It wouldn’t be a bother,” he chuckled, “we have a massage table in the guest room for a reason.”

You had never stepped foot in their guest room so that came as a surprise. “I’ll think about it,” you said, waving off the suggestion because downright refusing would only trigger his more persistent side.

“Ok! Back to positions,” the woman called out, hands clapping together giddily. You recognized the song immediately. The first sounds of My All by Mariah Carey delicately filled the room and your spine tensed once again. You stopped yourself from groaning because out of all the songs this one had all the romantic yearning you could possibly imagine. And with Erwin’s hands on you again and your chest firmly secured against his, you had to close your eyes to steady the racing of your heart that you were sure he could feel pounding against his rib cage.

“Relax,” he leaned over and whispered in your ear, his lips dangerously close to touching the shell of your ear as he squeezed your hand in an attempt to be reassuring. “Stop concentrating and let me lead you.”

You allowed your forehead to fall to his chest and swallowed down the apprehension that wasn’t allowing you to just enjoy the moment. Regardless of what Moblit said or how you felt for Erwin or Levi, you shouldn’t ruin the fragments of familiarity and intimacy offered by them. Whether it was their strange way of extending friendship or something much more complicated, you took it. You let Erwin lead you in a waltz. You relaxed your shoulders and when you took one last breath and looked up at him he was staring down at you with affection. Maybe tonight you would pretend– just as he had when you stepped in the room– that you really were a couple. That tonight instead of going home to a bed alone, you would feel the safety of two bodies beside you. In an ideal world it would be that simple.

But reality had a sick way of reminding you that nothing was ever that simple. But a girl could dream.

“Oh my god, look!” You said as you made your way to the car. There was a flower beginning to bloom right beside a tree. And even though snow hadn’t fallen in weeks, the dreadful chill persisted. And while the sun set hours later, spring had yet to reveal herself to you.

Erwin stopped suddenly beside you, his arm bumping into your back from the abruptness of it. You were pointing excitedly at the flower. It was a tiny little thing with white petals. Nothing worth noting, really, but the stranger of hope began to introduce herself to you again. It was odd how something so seemingly insignificant made your heart grow in your chest.

“Oh would you look at that,” he said, following the line of your finger with his eyes, “Levi’s gonna be happy about this. He’s been grumbling about his plants for the last month.”

“It’s how he relieves his stress,” you teased, smiling at the memory of Levi fussing over his herbs that sat in the kitchen window and cursing winter for overstaying its welcome.

You heard Erwin scoff out a laugh beside you while unlocking the car as you approached. “I, personally, could think of far better ways to relieve stress,” he said as he reached around your shoulder to open the passenger side door for you. There was far more suggestion in his tone than you appreciated. And with how close his voice was to your ear again, you couldn’t suppress the shiver that went straight down your spine and scattered frenetically across your skin.

The initiation of temptation had to be purposeful on his end. The lingering touches and over-indulgent words couldn’t be a coincidence and you were beginning to wonder if this was some game or if all three of you were treading across a tightrope that got thinner and thinner the further you balanced across. Someone was bound to fall first. And you were afraid it just might be you since you were barely hanging on as it was.

But the fear of breaking after such a long fall was what kept your core tight and your body forcing your feet to remain unsteady on the rope. You were starting to believe, though, that neither Erwin nor Levi had those same priorities. Especially when, as you were stepping into the vehicle, Erwin leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of your head. It was so unexpected that it gave you pause, your foot braced on the floor of the car as you whipped your head to face him. He was smirking at you expectantly, eagerly awaiting your reaction like he was trying to bait you into something.

And in your disheveled state most of the words you knew seemed to escape you. Yet, the only thing you could manage was a petulant, “leave that man and his hobbies alone. Don’t be nasty.”

His grin grew wildly into something wicked. Your stomach flipped and desire swirled around dangerously low in your gut. He nudged you into a seated position, your head bumping against the head rest before he grabbed the seatbelt and clicked it into place for you. When his face was merely a few inches from yours, his breath casting puffs of air across your lips, you were taken back to the evening on your couch with Levi. And you wondered if he knew what almost happened that night. But as much as you wanted to look up into his eyes for some sort of confirmation, they refused to stray from his lips.

“Fine,” you saw his lips shift around the word seductively, “but just know my idea of stress relief is much more fun.”

He pushed himself off the center console, ducking out of your door and then shutting it behind him. You were startled in a way you couldn’t really describe. Desire flowed through your veins like fear. Lust drove through your heart like anxiety. And it was the most conflicting set of emotions you have ever had the displeasure of feeling. Because now he wasn’t even being secretive about it.

And for the first time since befriending the neighborly couple, you were beginning to feel like you may be in over your head.

“Ok,” you started as you strode into Moblit’s office at 8:06 am, exactly two minutes after you saw him enter the office. He barely had his things set down before you shut his door and closed the blind to the small window he had that overlooked the cubicles.

“What’s with the secrecy?” He said, a bit concerned, but mostly amused. He was still shrugging off his coat when you started to pace. Which you knew wasn’t the best look, but after your evening with Erwin and then stealthily avoiding them for the rest of the weekend to protect your sanity after what you overheard after he dropped you off at your door. You knew you weren’t crazy regardless of how you absolutely, positively felt crazy.

Erwin wouldn’t intentionally fuck his boyfriend loud enough for you to hear through the wall that separated your living room from their bedroom. He couldn’t possibly know you were even laying on your couch that night because you were too lazy to get up and drag your ass to bed because strangely enough the arches of your feet were sore from dancing in heels for an hour and a half. It had to be another coincidence. But you knew the mood Erwin was already in when you left the studio. He had reckless energy coursing through him the entire drive home. Even when you stopped to grab takeout on the way home, he still possessed that crackly, staticky spirit that had you shifting in your seat expectantly.

So, you could confidently assume that he was horny. Especially with the way he carried himself with a sense of emboldened carelessness. He kissed you again on your doorstep, this time on your cheek and narrowly missing your lips so much so he might as well have kissed them. So, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when you were startled awake from a sleep you hadn’t realized you fell under to a thud. It was muffled and distant sounding. You knew it couldn’t have come from inside your apartment so you decided to ignore it and chalk it up to the sounds of the city. But then, as sleep threatened to pull you under again, you heard a groan and a creak. Realization flooded over you like a bucket of cold water. Goosebumps rose on your skin in recognition of what was occurring on the other side of the wall and a fierce blush blossomed on your cheeks. Your whole body rising in temperature and that strange feeling returned to your gut.

The heels of your palms pressed into your eyes and you knew you should probably gather yourself and head to your bed. But when you heard another moan, this one longer and needier than the last, you struggled to come up with a good enough argument to actually get up. One that based itself on something other than this probably being morally wrong. Eavesdropping on your friends while they were clearly getting hot and heavy was not an appropriate way to end your evening, but the weight of your touch deprivation was burying you into the cushions beneath you. You couldn’t even remember the last time you touched yourself. With the chronic stress and anxiety that exhausted your body it was difficult to conjure up the energy to even get yourself off.

But this, this fervent desire that had rooted itself in your bones hours ago due to Erwin’s blatant teasing, was nearly suffocating you. Maybe you shouldn’t have allowed your hand to trail down your abdomen, smoothing over your sleepshirt and slipping hesitantly between your thighs. And you shouldn’t have matched the pace of your fingertips rubbing greedy circles against your clit with the way their headboard thumped against the wall. You muffled your own moans with the back of your free hand, merely mimicking what you knew to be Levi’s voice groaning alongside what you could only assume was Erwin fucking him.

Your imagination, as vivid as it was, was running away from you. The idea of Erwin and Levi together in any position you could pull from your own memory was sending a hurried flush over your skin. Lips on heated skin, hands kneading at reddened flesh, it was too much. You already knew how pretty Levi looked with rose-tinted cheeks and wine-stained lips, and you could nearly feel Erwin’s strong body cradling yours. Being held by him without the layers of thin clothing separating your sweat-dampened skin. It was surprising how close you were to finishing with only a few sticky strokes to your clit. The pent up sexual frustration evidently brought to its boiling point.

All you could hear, all that was replaying in your mind as you came over your own fingers was Levi whining out Erwin’s name in desperation. The sound of his release was obvious when Erwin could only respond with a “yes, Levi” and the pace of the headboard hitting the wall quickened for a few seconds before everything went silent.

You lied there in astonishment and shame. Your fingers wet with your own release and your body slightly sweaty from unexpected exertion. How were you going to face them again after that? When all you would be able to hear when they spoke to you was the gruffness of their moans and the noises they made as they came?

It would surely haunt your every conversation and interaction from now until forever.

“Are you gonna talk or would you prefer to burn a hole into the rug with your incessant pacing?”

Moblit’s voice startled you straight out of your memory. Your orientation returned to you once you remembered you were in Moblit’s office on the verge of a nervous breakdown instead of post-orgasm and spiraling out on your own couch after listening to your best friends have sex. When you met Moblit’s gaze, his amusement diminished in favor of true concern. Maybe you also looked just as crazy as you felt.

“I’m in big trouble,” you said, arms crossing and eyes averting to look out onto his view of the lake that was miles away but still visible through the spaces between the high rises.

“Legal? Do you owe someone money?” He said, hands leaning onto his desk and it should’ve sounded like a joke but he was being utterly serious.

“I don’t want to know why that was where your mind immediately went. Quite frankly, it scares me,” you said, expression a mixture of confusion and astoundment. “But no, I don’t owe anyone money. I just maybe haven’t been completely forthcoming about my current situation with Levi and Erwin.”

“You totally fucked, didn’t you?” He smirked at you like he knew it all along. Like you couldn’t possibly keep anything from him without him finding out in some way. Which should’ve agitated you more than it did, but you were too wrapped up in your mess to scold him over it.

“No!” You said louder than you intended, so you lowered your voice when you added, “we didn’t fuck. At this point, I think that would be the simpler situation.”

“I have a feeling you’re being a little dramatic,” he said softly, again acting as if having a threesome with your two closest friends who were in a years long relationship didn’t have the potential to ruin things to an atomic degree.

“Ugh,” you sighed, deciding to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “A couple of weeks ago Levi and I almost kissed, and up until my date on Saturday with Erwin I was under the impression that he didn’t know about that given the fact that Levi and I have pretended it never happened. We were also high so I kinda thought he didn’t remember it.”

“So it was a date,” Moblit grinned, leaning back comfortably in his office chair as he looked directly at you.

“Can you believe that his dad canceled on us at the last minute?” You complained, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “So, yes it very much felt like a fucking date. And it really messed with my head, especially because Erwin was being so…”

You allowed the sentence to hang there, not sure how to really describe Erwin’s behavior towards you that night. He was treating you like it was the early stages of a relationship. The unmistakable air of a date, the touching, the closeness. It was all so real and unplatonic-like. You groaned into your hands while your body fell deeper into the seat.

“What do I do?” You emphasized whinily, peering at Moblit’s smug face between the cracks in your fingers.

“Did Erwin make a move on you?” He asked simply, and you scrunched your face up in thought because the answer in your mind was yes, but the lines were blurry and you couldn’t see them clearly enough to come up with a straight answer.

“I mean, how would you define ‘making a move’?” You thought back to the kisses he left on your temple and cheek, which he has done before. And the way his hands never strayed far from your body, whether it was your waist or the small of your back or even when he rested it on your knee on the drive there. You thought of his reassuring words and how he put your seatbelt on for you once you left the dance lesson. Those all felt like moves, but they also all felt like Erwin.

And Erwin was handsy and clingy.

“You know exactly how I would define it,” he replied dumbly and you fought the eye roll that always followed you whenever you spoke with Moblit. You loved him, but weren’t always too fond of him calling you out on your bullshit.

“Fine, then yes, he was very,” you made weird grabby hands at Moblit, who frowned and tilted his head but seemed to understand what you were trying to convey.

“Did he kiss you?”

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?”

“He kissed me like right here,” you pointed to the corner of your mouth and refused to make eye contact with him. You felt so juvenile and ridiculous. This was so much harder than having a teenage crush. So much worse too.

And it was made even worse when you heard Moblit stifle a laugh. When you glared at him, he couldn’t suppress the cackle where it was currently lodged in his throat and slipped out in one absurd sound.

“You’re so annoying,” you grumbled as you rose to your feet, fully intent on trudging back to your office and hiding out there for the rest of the day.

“Wait,” he called after you, and you stubbornly turned around to face him again. “I’m gonna suggest something a little crazy… talk to them.”

“Why can’t you just let me be difficult?” You had to stop yourself from stomping one of your feet on the ground petulantly.

“Because this isn’t as difficult as you’re making it, I promise.”

You heard the earnestness in his voice. He truly believed that this thing between you, Levi, and Erwin would work out. And you weren’t sure if he was delusional or if you were oblivious. But the ache in your chest only ever subsided when you were with them. The feelings you harbored could be one-sided but as each day ended and another began that didn’t seem like the case. Fear gripped you, though, tightly around the neck, squeezing your vocal cords together and refusing you to utter a word about your love for them. Your very real, awful, tragic, beautiful love for them.

“What if I ruin it again?” You said barely above a whisper. You wanted to shrink into yourself. Nothing but raw insecurity ripped through you. “I can’t do that to myself again.”

#eruri x reader #eruri fanfic #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction

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friedbaekhyunandeggso · 1 year

Text

Reason ~ ch. 37

pairing: female oc (devon alba) x levi ackerman

tropes: instructor x cadet, strangers to lovers, male mc falls first

warnings: angst/slow-burn, a bit of fluff, strong language, smut (18+ readers only!! 🙈) [virginity loss (slight mentions of blood), rough sex & that's all i can think of right now bc my brain is fried lol BUT i'd like to believe that i can guarantee you'll feel things while reading this chapter <3 ]

brief summary: This story takes place a few years after the Fall of Shiganshina. Devon Alba is in her final year of the 101st Training Corps (844-847), due to her success as a cadet she gets the chance to meet Captain Levi. She doesn’t think too much of him until he catches her in the midst of doing something that she isn’t entirely supposed to be doing. But surprisingly, this leads to something unexpected...

ch. 1 [...] ch. 36 | chapter 37 | ch. 38

Devon noticed it seconds before it imploded. She’d just meant to pass through the market to get home but couldn’t help but stop at the handmade accessories vendor. In the midst of her browsing she saw a Garrison officer briskly walk past her.

She glanced over to see where he was headed and noticed a little boy stuffing tomatoes into his pockets a distance away. Her eyes widened.

Before she knew it, she was running. She zipped past the Garrison officer and grabbed the little boy's hand.

The boy looked up at her, startled.

She smiled into his dirt-stained face, “There you are! Ah, look at you-you got my tomatoes for me.”

The little boy stared at her with wide eyes as she reached over and paid the seller with a few coins. She glanced over her shoulder to see the Garrison officer staring at them with furrowed brows.

“Can I help you, officer?” she asked, casually. She felt the kids hand tighten in hers.

The officer straightened, “Er-No, ma’am.”

She gave him a half-assed smile before tugging the little boy’s hand. She walked down the street with him until they made it out of the market. He’d been awfully quiet the entire time. She didn’t consider herself terrible with kids but dealing with a situation like this? This would be new.

She glanced down at him, “Wh-“

Suddenly he released her hand and booked it.

Her eyes widened, “Hey!”

She ran after him. It didn’t take her long to catch up to him.

She grabbed his arm and he immediately swung around—pushing at her. All the tomatoes in his pockets spilled out and scattered about. The kid turned around, intending to run again but she grabbed his arm once-more.

“Enough!” her tone was stern, “You’re not in trouble. I want to help you.”

The kid froze, his head hanging down.

She didn’t release his arm as she bent down to one knee. She examined him—his clothes weren’t tattered. A bit dirt stained, yes, but not in the sense that made it seem he lived on the streets. Also to grab tomatoes instead of something typically directly edible like apples or bananas, she couldn’t help but wonder..

“Was that your first time stealing?” she asked, gently.

He didn’t respond, still not looking at her.

“You have to be more careful, that officer almost caught you.” she scolded, “You have to look around and check where the Garrison officers are before trying anything funny.”

The little boy’s head shot up. His eyes wide in shock.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

He nodded.

She released his arm and dug into her bag. Of course, the one time it could’ve been useful she didn’t have any leftovers from culinary school today.

She withdrew a handful of coins and handed it to him, “Go to a vendor and buy yourself a meal.”

The boy seemed to hesitate before silently taking the money.

“Do you have parents?” she asked.

He nodded.

“You live with them?”

He nodded again. She couldn’t help but notice he was shaking slightly.

“They don’t feed you?” she inquired.

He shook his head.

She bit her lower lip, feeling a bit bad about prying since the boy was looking more uneasy by the second. She didn't mean to keep him for long, she just wanted to make sure that he had someone to look after him.

"Where are your parents?" she asked.

A moment of silence followed. The boy merely facing downwards once more. Just as she contemplated saying something else the boy answered,

"Mommy's at work. She's always working." his voice was low, the discontent clear in his tone.

Her eyes widened–he’d finally spoken.

Though she couldn't say she was surprised by his Mother's case. Nowadays with the price of food steeping higher since the food shortage-everyone seemed to be working more. She gestured towards the coins in his hand. In truth, she’d given him enough money to cover several meals.

“Make sure you buy something for Mommy too then.” she murmured.

He nodded, before suddenly running away again.

Just as she shot up to her feet, a familiar voice sounded from behind her.

“Oi, what do you say to someone who helped you?”

She swiftly turned around to see Levi gripping the kid by the collar with one hand. The boy’s eyes were wide with fear as he stared up at him.

The boy looked over at her, “T-thank you, miss.”

Levi released the kid’s shirt as she walked up to them. She gave Levi a lingering look before bending over to smooth out the boy’s ruffled-up shirt.

“Your welcome,” her voice was calm, “Do you know the bookstore by the market?”

The boy paused before shaking his head.

“That’s okay. Do you know where Dr. Bernard’s office is?”

The boy nodded.

“Great! If you keep going straight down that street you’ll find a bookstore. That’s where I work, okay? If you see me inside you can come in and say hi. And if you’re hungry, just tell me and we can share some snacks.”

The boy stared up at her blankly.

She squeezed his shoulders, “You better come and visit. I’ll be sad if you don’t.”

The boy looked away, his voice low, “Why.”

A slightly pained expression passed over Devon’s face before she let go of the boy’s shoulders. She couldn’t blame him for questioning it, she knew her younger self would’ve immediately been wary of an offer that sounded too good.

Her voice came out much softer than she intended, “Because I care. I care about what happens to you.”

The kid’s head snapped up to stare at her. The boy’s eyes glittered with shock.

She offered him a small smile-quickly swallowing back the ball of emotions she felt rising in her throat.

She waved him off, “Okay, go eat now. Don’t forget to get something for Mom too.”

The boy nodded, stepping backwards slowly. The kid seemed to hesitate, his eyes switching between her and Levi before lingering on Levi. Something seemed to flash in his eyes before he quickly waved Devon goodbye and scurried off. Her and Levi stood in silence, watching the kid disappear down the street.

“Brat gave me the stank eye.” he muttered.

A slight laugh escaped her, “I think he recognized you.”

He seemed to hesitate at that before turning to face her, “You sure you want him bothering you at work.”

She sighed, “He probably won’t come. I wouldn’t have.”

She faced him, her voice unconsciously dropping lower, “I didn’t think it would hurt to let him know.”

There was a look of knowing in Levi’s deep, steel gray eyes. He knew she was thinking of her younger self—that her younger self might’ve appreciated an offer like that. An offer of true help.

His eyes dropped to her lips.

She immediately flushed before asking, “How are you here?”

“Erwin dismissed us early.”

Her eyes lit up, “Again? How’d I get so unfortunate.” she teased before moving to sidle up to him.

Just as she was about to slip her arm through his, she froze. Something was off about his impassive countenance.

“What's wrong?” she asked immediately.

His hand slipped into hers, “Let’s go home first.”

She let him tug her along-silently letting him lead her back onto the main street, around the dispersed crowds. It was Friday so people seemed to be out and about, and in good spirits.

She suddenly stopped, her free hand clasping his wrist. He halted, glancing back at her.

“Tell me.” she urged, her voice uneven, “Tell me now.”

He searched her face, his gaze painstakingly gentle before squeezing her hand in his own. “We’re two minutes away-”

“I can’t breathe, Levi.” she quickly rushed out the words. It was true, the second he started to lead them home her uneasiness had grown by leaps and bounds. Her anxiety made her feel like she was going to burst. She knew she should be more patient than this but when it came to something bothering him of all people–she couldn’t take it.

He pulled her aside, so that they were no longer standing in the middle of the street. She slipped her hand out of his, hugging herself underneath her cloak–she needed to stop trembling.

He watched her with a strained expression before moving to take a step towards her. Her head snapped up, the silent question clear in her eyes. He wished she would have waited a moment longer–home was right there.

“I’m leaving in two days.” his voice was flat.

He saw the realization hit her like a bullet. Her eyes immediately widening before her posture gradually shrank in on itself. She looked aside. He wished they were home with a gut-wrenching intensity.

He reached towards her, but she took a step back. Her eyes were glossy when she met his gaze, “How long?”

“That depends.. on how the mission goes.”

“Where are you going?”

“Karanese.”

“Karanese?” she repeated in shock.

He nodded, “We’ll be leaving Wall Rose through there.”

Her brows drew together. She opened her mouth to ask ‘why’ but froze; she was so used to not asking him about his scout duties-due to his ‘rules’-that it felt almost improper to.

He must’ve seen the question in her eyes because he went on to explain, “Erwin has plans for the lands there. He thinks that land can potentially benefit us in restoring Wall Maria someday.”

Her eyes widened, “Restoring Wall Maria—Is that even possible?”

He hesitated, “Not really,” he muttered, “But Erwin’s always thinking ahead.”

She went silent at that. Her mind racing a mile per minute. She could only imagine that the reason why they weren’t attempting to utilize the land outside of Trost anymore was because it was too infested with Titans. There were rumors that the thuds of Titans’ bumping into the walls outside of Trost were more audible than before.

She shivered at the thought only to tense when she realized Levi was going into titan territory regardless.. He was going to leave Wall Rose through Karanese. He was at risk no matter what.

She swallowed. She suddenly didn’t know.. she didn’t know how she let him go to missions before…

She was drawn from her thoughts when she felt Levi reach into her cloak to grab ahold of her hand again.

“Let’s go home” his monotone voice quieter than usual.

The second they got through the apartment door he kissed her. He kissed her with all the strength he had. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want the feeling she gave him to ever end.

He kissed her as if he were trying to make up for all the kisses he wouldn’t be able to give her when he was away. He kissed her as if he wanted to convey how much he cared for her through his lips. He kissed her like he’d never get the chance to again.

Because he knew that’s how it would feel. Now that he had a taste of her lips, it was impossible-impossible-that leaving for expeditions would be the same. It was different to think of her laugh, her smile, her gestures in bits and pieces throughout the days he was away. And to replay their conversations in his mind in the darkness of the night when he couldn’t sleep. Sometimes he’d dwell too hard on the moments they shared subtle touches-reminiscing in the lingering feeling her touch ignited-and his body would get carried away…

It was pathetic, he knew it was. He was pathetic when it came to her. He was a version of himself that he never thought he could be.

She meant too much to him. She brought him peace to a degree he knew he didn’t deserve. He wondered how he’d gotten lucky enough to have her return his affection. He often wondered how he got her in the first place.

She brought warmth to his cold, hardened life. The kind of warmth he never wanted to lose. She filled the dark, empty spaces of his mind with something brighter.

He didn’t think that was possible, not after seeing all the things he saw. He’d accepted that no matter where he went, loss and death would follow. It seemed those kinds of things were intertwined with his fate, so he chose not to partake in fickle things like close relationships. They only resulted in someone getting hurt anyway.

It was a rule he chose to live by after he realized he always seemed to outlast everyone; everyone he cared about–his family, his friends, his comrades. It seemed to be a special talent he had. A special talent he was tired as hell of but decided to utilize in honor of those he saw die selflessly before him.

Somewhere along the way, he’d begun truly to care about his comrades. That begrudging respect turned into perseverance. The kind of perseverance that made him think he could see a glimpse of the vision Erwin saw for humanity-even if Erwin’s reasons were ambiguous. Eitherway, he told himself that was enough.

He told himself he’d dedicate his strength to the Scouts vision until death welcomed him in its cold, ruthless arms.

Until he met her.

She pulled apart his tightly knit ideals at the seams. She broke all the rules he’d kept in place to protect himself and she didn’t even have to try. The more he spoke to her the more intrigued he became. He denied his interest to himself more times than he could count.

Refusing to read her file when it sat at the corner of his desk because he didn’t care. Only to realize his denial was futile when he saw her broken, battered body on the Infirmary bed after Carter’s work. It was then that he realized he cared. He cared too much.

It was then that he realized there was someone he couldn’t let death steal from him.

The feeling was overwhelming, dangerous and selfish. It made him realize his ideals weren’t nearly as firm as he wanted them to be. Not even close.

His armor was weak when it came to her. He wanted things he shouldn’t want when she was near. He craved the human connection he forbade himself from. He suddenly wanted to save humanity for different reasons-for a future that awaited more than death.

This realization was enough to send him reeling. It was a train of thought he couldn’t indulge. So he acted on his heart instead of his head, for once. He’d meant to force her hand into joining the Garrison or MP route—not have her sit pretty in his apartment.

It was twisted, really. She hated him and she had every right to. Even then, she was kind to him. Silently fixing up his wounds, leaving extra portions of food behind, never giving him an excuse to worry about the little things. Sometimes he wished she’d be meaner to him, maybe that would dampen his feelings but she never gave him the chance.

He never dared to believe he’d get to call her his. In fact, because fate had brought her so close to him he was even more wary of acknowledging his feelings. He refused to unveil his selfish wish to her when he’d already been selfish enough. She deserved better than that.

He kept his desires to himself–convincing himself that he was only sticking around because she wanted him to–until he saw her fellow cadet mate die in his arms. Corinna, was her name. Her slight stature was all too familiar. Her background a little too close to home. It was the look on her face that jarred him the most. That glassy, pain filled sheen in her eyes that revealed just how much she didn’t want to die. He almost hated himself for letting her get assigned to his squad just because he needed the numbers.

But, for some goddamn reason, all he could think about was Devon. He knew his mind was playing tricks on him because she was the first from Devon’s training corps assigned to his squad. It was a fact that his mind seemed to cling onto because he remembered her as the roommate Devon once complained about for snoring too loud. It was a nonsensical fact that somehow drove him to think of how this girl, dying in his arms, could’ve easily been Devon.

This girl, who had trained the same amount as her, shared the same room as her and chose the same career path as her, reminded him of the fate Devon could’ve shared. The thought scared him to the bone.

It was the type of dread that rendered him frozen–and he never froze on the field. He was transfixed by the deep rooted throb in his chest that spread to every muscle in his body. He’d clung onto her limp frame with all his strength, unable to pry his eyes off of her until he heard someone call for him-reminding him where he was.

He felt guilty afterwards, for considering Corinna’s death an affirmation of sorts. An affirmation that denying Devon entry to the scout regiment was the right decision. He knew it was his selfishness talking but it was all he was grateful for. He was grateful that he’d never have to see Devon injured like that again. He was grateful that he knew where she was. He was grateful that he got to see her live.

The second he made it to town after that expedition he knew he had to see her. He didn’t even bother explaining himself to Erwin, simply dismounting his horse and using his ODM gear to get home as fast as possible.

At first he headed towards the direction of her workplace only to backtrack when he spotted her in an alleyway. He followed her home from above.

He thought seeing her up-close would lighten his need but he was proven wrong-drastically so. When she entered the apartment and rushed to him, he knew he was done for. The second she was close, his lips met hers. And there was no coming back—no coming back from the life she seeped into him.

If this was a part of living, he didn’t mind.

But he did mind how her body shook slightly against his now. How her hands on his chest trembled as she kissed him back. The taste of her salty tears at the corner of her lips. He hated that he had to put her through this. His selfishness had got them here.

She broke the kiss, burying her face in his neck.

“Don’t kiss me like that,” her low voice muffled by his shirt, “This isn’t goodbye. I still have two days.”

He closed his eyes, “Sorry.” he murmured.

He felt her hands fist his shirt, “You’ll come to see me during then, won’t you?” The question sounded all too uncertain on her lips.

His hand running down her back went still-he turned his face towards her, “What the hell do you think.” Despite his words, his voice was soft.

She let out a stifled laugh, “Shut up.”

They decided to proceed as normal, that’s what he wanted anyway. He had asked her if there was anywhere she wanted to go with him before he left and she couldn’t respond. How could she tell him all she wanted was him to stay?

Instead, she reversed the question on him. His answer was simple, spoken after a moment’s pause in his typical flat tone—Anywhere you are is fine by me.

His response had made her want to cry.

Everything made her want to cry. He left many times before and was bound to leave again, she’d accepted that but… this time felt worse—much, much worse. The second he'd told her it felt like a weight had dropped in her stomach, and the weight was only getting heavier with each passing second.

She didn’t want to be sad in front of him. She genuinely wanted him to enjoy their remaining time together, but.. it was hard. It was hard when all she could think about was how she was going to have the apartment to herself again. It was hard because she didn’t know when he’d be back—she didn’t even know if he’d make it back.

She blinked, refocusing on the task before her. She looked to see that her hand holding the knife was shaking. Her brows furrowed as she attempted to work past the shakes by tightening her grip around the knife, only to realize that made it worse.

She inhaled unevenly before clasping her free hand around her trembling wrist—steadying herself.

She resumed cutting the carrot.

Suddenly a tear drop hit the cutting board—making her freeze. She blinked-another tear falling from her eyelashes. She stared as the tear drops seeped into the cutting board, creating small dark circles in the wood.

She wanted to push it away—ignore the emotions she was feeling. She wanted to ignore the way her body felt like it was being squeezed at the center, suctioned inside out. She wanted to ignore the way her ribs ached, as if holding together the weight of her core was too much.

More tears silently slipped down her face, and she didn’t realize until a hand swiftly removed the knife from her hands and set it down on the cutting board.

She belatedly hid her shaky hands behind herself.

“S-sorry.” she muttered, not looking at him.

“Devon.”

She turned away from him, pretending to rearrange the other ingredients on the counter while discreetly wiping her tears with her shoulder.

“Devon.” he repeated.

She picked up a few vegetables she hadn’t cut up yet, “Yes?”

“You don’t have to cook.”

She didn’t look at him when she moved past him, back to the cutting board, “What are you talking about? I have to make dinner.”

“No, you don’t.”

She laid out the other vegetables on the cutting board, “Yes, I do.”

Just as she reached for the knife, he grabbed her wrist—forcing her to meet his gaze.

“No the hell you don’t.” he grit out, “You can’t even hold a goddamn knife straight.”

Her eyes widened before her eyes immediately watered. She wrenched her hand out of his grasp and turned her back to him.

“Wait-“ his voice was low, somewhat frustrated-in a way that seemed to be directed at himself, “That’s not what I meant. I-I’m sorry.”

“No,” her voice cracked, “You’re right. I-I can’t—“

She closed her eyes, forcing her tears back. She felt like there was a block in her throat, making it very hard for her to talk.

She hung her head, squeezing her eyelids shut tighter, “I don’t know what to do, Levi.” she whispered.

The second his hands made contact with her sides, she covered her face with her hands—the dam of tears breaking loose. His chest against her back the only thing keeping her upright as he wound his arms around her.

He dug his face into her neck, his arms around her waist so firm she would’ve stopped breathing if she wasn’t sobbing. He held her tightly against himself, as if inadvertently trying to dispel the weight within her ribs as she cried.

She wished she was stronger, so she wouldn’t have to do this to him. So she could support him the way she wanted to-because she truly did-but it hurt. She couldn’t seem to find it in herself to stop crying. The tears felt endless.

She’d gotten too spoiled. She was too used to his touch, to his voice, his presence. She didn’t want to go a day without it, without him.

“I’m sorry, Devon.” his low voice was muffled by her hair. But it wasn’t monotonous enough for her to miss the undercurrent of self-hatred embedded in his tone.

She breathed in raggedly-trying to think past the tears. She wanted to tell him he didn’t need to apologize—that she didn’t want him to apologize. But her voice came out too small—

“Levi-“

His arms around her tightened more somehow, completely drawing her frame into his—as if trying to merge her body into his own. The strength in his arms made her gasp slightly; she felt the muscles in his arms contract as he didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered once again, feeling sick.

He’d known there was a possibility of this-of leaving being much harder if their relationship were to change. It was one of the many reasons why he convinced himself keeping his feelings to himself was the best course of action, and yet here they were. His selfishness had brought them here.

He had told her he never wanted to be the reason she was hurting and yet, that’s all he seemed to do.

He’d never seen her cry. She didn’t even cry when recounting the atrocities of her past. But somehow, here she was, crying over him.

He wasn’t worth it.

She shifted in the tight-hold of his arms, turning slightly towards him. Her fingers slipped into his hair, gently drawing his face out of the warmth of her neck. Her strawberry scent lingering in the air between them.

Her hand slid down to cup the side of his face, her red-rimmed eyes searching his face. Her face shone in places where her tears had trailed down seconds ago. Her gaze was so gentle, he thought he might shatter.

“You’re gonna come back.” she affirmed, so quietly that he wouldn’t have heard if he hadn’t been so close.

He would—even if he died trying.

“I’ll be waiting,” her voice wavered, “Don’t make my patience go to waste.”

He was quiet for a moment, simply staring at her.

What did I do to earn her?

“C-come back to me first thing.. just like last time.” she continued lowly.

He forced himself to focus on her words, instead of the overwhelming need he felt to kiss her. He knew once he started, it’d be hard for him to stop.

“Just like last time,” he muttered, “ODM gear and all?”

He watched a small smile bloom across her lips, her eyes gazing off elsewhere-as if replaying the memory. The spark that lit her eyes made his insides swarm with warmth. The desire to kiss her seared through him at a thousandfold.

Before he could act, she dropped her hand from his face—looking away to hide her blush.

“I wouldn’t mind..” she murmured. He had looked really good in ODM gear after all.

“Yeah?” His brows furrowed, “What’s that tone.”

“Nothing.” she answered, a little too quickly.

“Then why can’t you look at me.”

She pulled at his arms around her, “Because I need to go—“

He only held her tighter, “You don’t need to go anywhere.”

She laughed lightly as he nuzzled his face into her neck again, “Levi!” she wriggled in his hold, her smile widening. “Let me go.”

His words were muffled by her hair, “Not happening-not til you explain yourself.”

“Explain what.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” he repeated her words-in an overtly suggestive tone that she didn’t use.

“I didn’t say it like that!” she shot back, blazing red.

She bit her lower lip, trying to think past his nose trailing her jaw.

“Fine, but you were thinking something.”

She had to distract him-she wasn't ready to admit that she liked seeing him in uniform just yet.

“I-I was.” she admitted, instantly blushing when she felt him go still beside her.

She pushed at his arms, “But I’ll only tell you after we grab some food. I’m hungry.”

He seemed to hesitate before finally letting his arms drop from around her. She quickly stepped away from him.

He already missed her warmth but he kept his desire to himself as he watched her take off her apron. He didn’t miss the soft blush decorating her cheeks.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

She never told him.

He glanced down at her head resting on his lap. Her dark hair splayed out on his thighs. She had fallen asleep on him.

She had eaten well-heartily, as she always does. She'd picked out the food spot as well so she'd been rather excited about it. She was able to name every ingredient within the stew simply from one spoonful. He mocked her for it but he adored every single second.

They had decided to walk around a bit after, only arriving home half an hour ago. They settled into the couch for the night, intending to read together as they sometimes did-but it seemed she had other plans.

He lowered the book in his hand, only to move his free hand over her head. He wanted to brush away a few strands of her hair that’d fallen over her face but suddenly went still. His fingertips hovering over her forehead.

He didn’t want to wake her.

His silver eyes raked over her features once more. She looked so at peace.. he’d never seen her asleep up-close like this.

He didn’t even remember how she got here. She’d been reading with her back pressed to his arm at first. Then her head leaning against his shoulder, legs half-way bent over his. Then it seemed her head had made its way down to his lap, her head resting on his thigh as she read with her book propped against her bent legs.

Now, she was asleep.

He placed his book down silently. His fingers over her forehead lowering ever so slightly-giving into his instinct to touch her. He brushed away the strands with his fingertips before gently settling his hand into her hair.

She was so pretty he didn’t know how he thought he could ignore her after first laying his eyes on her.

He slowly ran his fingers through her hair, wondering how he was going to go on without seeing her. He looked forward to her more than she knew. She’d become the light of his days.

It scared him sometimes-how much he cared for her. He hadn’t felt this strongly about anything in years. In fact, he hardly felt anything at all–emotionally anyway.

Of course, he cared about his tasks as Captain. He never took the job lightly-it was impossible to. But-aside from his daily rituals-he rarely did much in his personal life. He enjoyed his alone time but this… this was different. This was something he knew he was going to ache for when he was away.

She stirred, her neck arching slightly-leaning into his hand before laying still. A soft, content sigh leaving her lips.

He immediately went still before smiling subtly in realization.

You like that?

He slipped his fingers through her hair once-more, letting his fingertips glide through more strands than before. He wasn’t surprised now that he thought about it. He always liked it whenever she touched his hair..

His mind wandered to a memory of her hands at his nape, their lips locked-on this very couch.

“I’m gonna head to bed.” she spoke through a yawn.

He glanced over to watch her stand up from the couch. She stretched out her arms before reaching towards the coffee table to grab her empty mug. Just as she bent over, he dropped his pen onto his open notebook and reached for her–tugging her back down.

She gasped as she fell back onto the couch, beside him. A look of obvious frustration on her features as she opened her mouth to complain but suddenly froze when she met his gaze. Her mouth gradually closed the longer she looked at him–a bright flush spreading across her cheeks.

He couldn’t ignore the rush of electricity skimming up his spine. He liked that she knew what he wanted.

He leaned towards her, gently pressing his lips to hers. That familiar warm sensation sweeping underneath his skin as they shared a few soft pecks. Each peck followed by another because he couldn’t ever get enough. He held her lips a little longer–tilting his head so he could kiss her more.

Just as he caught himself leaning further into her-he stopped, gently withdrawing his lips from hers. He had a bad habit of getting carried away easily; a habit that he was trying to tame-for her sake. But one look at her made him realize he wasn’t the only one breathless.

Her face was more flushed than before, her lips slightly parted. He couldn’t help but notice the subtle rise and fall of her collarbones against her skin as she tried to catch her breath. His eyes flickered back to hers and suddenly any resolve to hold back slipped away.

His hand found the back of her thigh, easily yanking her towards him. Her hands instinctively went to his shoulders to balance herself. Just as she let out a little sound of surprise-he caught her lips, kissing her with a bruising need. His skin buzzed with satisfaction when he felt her hands slip up his nape, her fingertips in his hair. The kiss only growing more intense when her hold tightened—

He was pulled from his thoughts when she stirred on his thigh once-more. She turned her back to him, changing her position in her sleep.

He glanced down, only to freeze. Fuck.

There-at his groin-stood out a pointed tent. It throbbed uncomfortably–his cock pressing against his pants at a rather bad angle.

He wanted to readjust himself but she was right there. It felt wrong to even be hard with her like this.

He tensed, inadvertently flexing his thighs. She stirred once more, her eyes fluttering open slightly at the sensation. She reached over to fluff her pillow only to grasp something hard.

Her eyes shot open, turning to see that her hand was over Levi’s knee. She glanced around before realizing she was in the living room. She swiftly turned over to see Levi staring down at her, flushed.

She blinked slowly, still a bit groggy. Am I dreaming?

“You awake.” he spoke, his voice somewhat taut.

Her eyes widened when she realized this was very much real.

“Shit.” she propped herself up on her elbows, her book sliding off her stomach and hitting the floor in the process. Suddenly everything came back to her.

“I fell asleep.” she murmured.

“Y-yeah.”

Her brows furrowed before slightly turning to her side, facing him. His silver eyes met hers and his jaw imperceptibly clenched. Something about the way she looked up at him was indescribably attractive.

Can she stop looking pretty for one goddamn second?

She tilted her head, unable to decipher his expression, “You.. didn’t wake me up?”

“Why would I.”

She searched his face, “Aren’t you tired?”

He paused before shaking his head.

“I’m gonna make you tea-“ Just as she rose to do exactly that, his hand clasped around her shoulder.

“No. Just go to bed. It’s late.”

She frowned subtly, “But I want you to sleep too.”

His hand slipped over the side of her face, a touch of softness in his eyes, “I will,” he muttered, attempting to reassure her despite his flat tone, “I just need some time.”

She was quiet for a moment, assessing him somewhat haphazardly-since she was still sleepy-before cupping his hand over her face.

“Okay.” she murmured before slowly sitting up.

He watched her stand, his eyes never leaving her slim frame as she wandered back to her room.

Once the door closed behind her, he let out a sigh. Partly out of relief-because she hadn’t noticed his hard on-but mainly because he’d have to wait to see her again. And in two days, the wait would be much longer..

Devon entered her bedroom, holding the towel around herself with one arm. She stood in front of the vanity, searching for her hairbrush.

Once she found the brush, she raised it to her hair-only to freeze when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her damp brown hair went down past her breasts, it’d grown out longer than she intended. Her eyes lingered on her shoulders and collarbones. An imperceptible frown gracing her lips when she noticed they seemed to protrude a bit more.

Her gaze flickered upto her eyes and swallowed. Her eyes were puffy, vacant and.. sad. Her body always always reflected her mood—she wished it didn’t. She didn’t need to be reminded how easily her emotions affected her physicality.

She hated how her health had declined ever since two days ago—ever since he’d told her he was leaving. It was all she could think about, obsessively so. It made her heart ache and chest tighten everytime she thought about it. So-in order to combat this-she forced herself to keep her mind occupied.

The day before, she extended her work shift at the bookstore. She worked so assiduously that she forgot to take a break and missed eating the lunch she packed. Even Larsa had asked if she was okay after noticing that she had done triple the amount of her typical workload in one shift.

She’d been so tired when she got home, she fell asleep right on the couch. When she awoke the following morning on her bed, a pang of guilt resounded through her. Levi must’ve come home when she was asleep. She’d been too tired to give him any attention, wasting away the already dwindling time they had together.

Now, today was their last day together. She didn’t get to see him in the morning because she woke up late-despite telling herself that she would get up early just to send him off to work. But, she was barely able to send herself off to work because she woke up ten minutes before her shift started. She’d nearly flung out of the apartment, forgetting to eat breakfast or pack lunch.

By the time she got home after work and culinary class, she’d wanted to nap but refused. She didn’t want to miss seeing Levi in case he came home early. Instead, she threw herself into meal prepping for the week. Still not eating a single meal herself-simply because she ‘wasn’t hungry'. Just as she wrapped up and decided to shower, Levi came home.

He greeted her with a deep, spine-tingling kiss that left her lips bruised and body shivering. After she recovered her breath, she told him that she’d join him after she showered.

She sighed as she ran the brush through her hair, trying not to dwell too long on how she looked despite staring at herself in the vanity mirror. She was glad Levi hadn’t noticed—or at least hadn’t commented on it. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it.

She set down the brush before moving all of her hair over one shoulder. She began to braid it, only to freeze when she saw the bedroom door close in the mirror. The sound of the door’s locking mechanism echoed.

She swiveled around to see Levi standing beside the door, his steel-gray eyes dark as he met her gaze. His expression closed.

Her heart stopped. He never came into her room at night. He was supposed to be waiting for her in the living room.. Her eyes widened in realization. I left my room door open.

It was the only plausible answer-she would’ve heard him enter if the door had been closed previously.

If I leave my room door open.. at night.. that means I’m ready.

Her raspily spoken promise echoed within her mind. She suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion—his hand slipped away from the doorknob and he began to walk up to her. Her throat grew tight with each step he took.

Each step was deliberate, purposefully slow. His narrow, gray eyes never leaving hers. He didn’t stop until he stood directly before her.

He stood close enough that his familiar clean yet musky, cedarwood and eucalyptus scent wafted over her—but instead of eliciting the sense of comfort it typically derived within her, his scent awoke something different altogether. She felt hypnotized. She couldn’t look away from him.

Her hand holding her towel to her chest tightened ever so slightly. His steely eyes dropped to her chest, immediately noting the slight action.

She couldn’t find it in herself to speak.

Her breath caught when she suddenly felt his hand slide around her nape, his fingers sifting gently through her damp hair. He carefully dragged his fingers down the length of her hair, she belatedly realized that he was undoing her roughly done braid.

His dress-shirt clad arm grazed her bare arm as he pulled apart her braid with a swift yet precise downward stroke of his fingers. The sensation made her shiver.

Their faces were so close, she couldn’t look him in the eye. She was afraid to move.

She felt his eyes on her when he pressed the flat of his palm to her lower back, drawing her closer. Their bodies were so near—only an infinitesimal amount of space between them. Her cheek brushed against his jaw, causing heat to scatter from where they made contact.

She resisted the urge to shiver when he dragged his palm up her spine, over her towel—his hand stopped at the center of shoulder blades, resting over the towel's edge.

She felt the weight of his gaze on her as his jaw skimmed her once more, his nose grazing her cheekbone—an indescribable magnetism keeping the air charged between them. She felt an odd urge to hold her breath.

Then suddenly, his finger hooked into her towel and with one swift motion the towel loosened and fell into a heap at her ankles. She gasped, instinctively stepping back.

She stood completely bare before him. Her heart ricocheting within her body as she realized—this was the first time she was fully naked in front of someone. She felt vulnerable—exposed.

But his eyes didn’t make her feel that way.

She didn’t need to look at him to feel the weight of his gaze on her body—but she couldn’t help it. She watched his eyes take in her figure, starting at her pronounced collarbones to her chest then her stomach, hips and legs. She felt her body go warm wherever he stared. His eyes were so sharp-so attentive-his gaze would’ve felt calculative if his eyes didn’t flutter and a faint blush didn't appear on his cheeks. His half-lidded eyes were the epitome of lust, the silver in his eyes murky and wanting.

Her stomach tightened, as if trying to dispel the bundle of nerves in her gut. Despite how exposed she felt, his eyes made her feel like she was the rarest treasure. He looked at her as if she was the most valuable thing in the world.

But the adoration peeking through the lust switched to something else within seconds-switched to something much, much darker. It felt as if the weight of his gaze had become twice as heavy, making goosebumps break across her skin and her nipples harden. The air around her seemed to close in on her as she realized-with daunting clarity-what that look was—possession.

She felt a bolt of electricity lick up her spine when he took a step towards her. Just as his fingertips scraped her hip, she grasped his forearm.

“W-wait,” she managed to choke out in a low whisper.

She faced him, her eyes searching his face. She didn’t realize she was almost checking to see if there was a flicker of impatience or annoyance—but there was none. His gaze was weighted, burning with something so intense it was hard to look at for too long. His jaw was locked.

She forced herself to uphold his gaze, “I.. I want to undress you too.”

His eyes seemed to widen imperceptibly before his forearm dropped from her hand to his side. Her eyes flickered up to his-a bit unsure. She wondered if this was resignation or forbearance on his part. She should’ve known it was the latter.

She reached the collar of his shirt, trying her best not to tremble too hard when she undid each button. It was hard to focus with him so close—his impenetrable eyes and bated breath too near.

Her hands grew unsteady at the last button, right above his groin. She shivered when she felt his breath waver beside her ear. The heat of his breath scattered down her neck—making her skin warm up when she realized just how heedy he was of her touch.

She quickly undid the button best she could. When he saw her reach towards his shoulders to pull down his sleeves, he was eager to help her. Easily shifting out of the shirt and letting it fall to the floor.

Her eyes ran down his shirtless frame. She’d seen him shirtless before but this was different. She never got to openly admire him—not like this. His narrow, tautly wired build was still rigid with muscle, not an ounce of softness to him. Scars marked various parts of his skin-some more faint than others. Her eyes dropped to one of the more prominent pigmented scars, the one along his navel. She remembered patching that one up months ago.

She placed her slightly trembling hand at his sternum, her fingertips grazing his firm pecs as she moved her hand along his chest. She felt him subtly jolt at the action-as if he hadn’t expected her to touch him.

She glanced over to see him facing down-his black hair covering his eyes. She didn’t miss the outline of his clenched jaw or the subtle swipe of color creeping along his cheeks.

She wanted to touch him, so she did. She moved her hand delicately along his skin-not wanting to startle him. She felt oddly at comfort touching him, as if she were exploring more of him. Some of his scars were flat, while others seemed to protrude slightly against her palm.

His biceps were strong and hard, just from one skim of her fingers she didn’t doubt the strength within them. Prominent green veins ran down his pale arms; she touched a trail of one down to his elbow.

His whole body was tense-she knew it was. From the set of his shoulders to the tension she felt brewing under skin. He wasn’t used to being touched. She didn’t dare allow herself to believe she was the first.

Her hand trailed from his elbow to his core; to the tightly compact skin of abs, where he was the most tense. His skin was more pale here, it almost felt more delicate. But she wasn’t a fool, there was no gentleness in the hard muscles of his abdomen. This was a soldier’s body. A man who’s seen and done too much. The only man she wanted.

She could feel the tension coiled in his skin the lower she drew her shaky hand. Her fingers slowly ran down the center line of his abs—moving tantalizingly slow when she brushed past his belly button.

Suddenly her hand stopped, hovering right over his navel when she realized just how much restraint he was practicing.

She’d been ignoring it, but the silent hum of pressure against his skin was nearly palpable. Her breath came out staggered as she felt the weight of the air around her. The closed urgency—his need.

She felt like she was touching a ticking time bomb.

She heard him let out a low, strained breath. Her eyes dropping to the waistline of his pants when she saw his deep v-lines protrude more, and the veins along his lower navel become more prominent.

She gasped when she was suddenly flung onto the bed by forceful hands on her hips. All the restraint thrumming under his skin was nowhere to be seen by the way he grabbed her legs and pulled her thighs apart to stand between them.

She jolted, reaching out to slip her hands over his shoulders to his nape—drawing his face close. She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face wildly as she whispered-hurriedly.

“Please, b-be gentle with me.”

His silver eyes transformed from wanting to molten. Ends of his pitch black hair scraped her forehead as he gave her face a slow once-over.

Her heartbeat sky-rocketed at how handsome he looked over her. Even this close, she couldn’t find one imperfection in his face.

He released her hips and pressed his hands to the bed beside her head—enclosing her in his arms. He kissed her so hard, she wanted to sob. His passion was incontestable, she wanted to drown in it.

His mouth moved against hers in that familiar way, making her body light up to a different degree— making her skin burn for something more. Her hands pulled at his hair, urging him closer.

She cried out when he palmed her breast, needily—the sensation all too new. His lips were still relentless, desperate on hers. She gasped against his lips when he squeezed her breasts harder. His hips bucked into hers-his clothed groin pressing against her warmth.

He broke the kiss and ran his sharp eyes over her face and body-as if trying to memorize her. His grey eyes burned with black fire as he slipped his arm around lower back, hoisting her further up the bed.

She watched him stand from the bed. He unbuckled his belt, tossing it to the floor as he undressed himself til he was bare. She subconsciously closed her legs as she stared at his fully erect cock hanging between his legs. It’s leaking tip touched his navel as he bent over slightly to remove his pants. It was thick, veins running along its sides as it protruded outwards—seeking attention.

She flushed brightly when he met her eyes. He grabbed his cock, giving it a firm stroke before wiping away the white substance at its head.

He climbed over the bed, making his way over her. He kept an arm propped beside her head while gently sliding his other hand along her inner thigh to spread her legs open.

She complied, her heart racing as she felt his firm thighs against the back of hers—holding her legs wide open.

She shivered when she felt his lips scrape the outside of her ear. Her hands went to his biceps, her eyes searching his face.

His silver eyes instantly met hers and he must’ve seen something because he leaned over and pressed a delicate kiss to her lips.

His hand underneath her knee pulled her up slightly as he kissed her. Her cunt grazed the tip of his cock and he hissed. She gasped at the sensation it elicited.

Her hands slid up his biceps to his shoulders, gripping tightly.

“Levi-“ she rasped out.

His arm beside her head moved closer, his hand slipping into her hair—pressing into the side of her face. His thumb ran along cheek.

“S’okay,” his deep voice rumbled.

He pressed his forehead to hers, “I’ll-I’ll be slow,” he stuttered out, “Tell me—tell me when to stop.”

She stared up into his eyes. His eyes glimmered-like the of rough surfaces of obsidian-in the dark. To others he might've been inscrutable, but his eyes felt like home to her. She realized-with a low sweeping sensation in her stomach-that she trusted him. She trusted him with her all.

Her hands slid around either side of his neck as she nodded.

He didn’t remove his eyes from her when he let go of her thigh to grip his cock and angle it so that his tip rested at her entrance. She jolted at the shot of heat that ignited from her core.

His sharp eyes turned black before he closed his eyes. He inhaled raggedly before locking his jaw. She felt his shoulders flex with restraint as he slowly pressed his hips into her.

She let out a small cry, her back arching slowly at the unfamiliarity of the sensation. His cock was warm-and hard, so hard-as it pushed into her. She felt her legs tremble slightly around him.

He went still. His hand at the side of her face slipped to the crown of her head, gripping a handful of her hair in a fist as he breathed out a haggard breath.

“How’s that.” his voice was taut.

Her eyes flitted over his tense expression before nodding. Her hands at his neck twitched nervously.

She closed her eyes when she felt his hips shift again—trying to prepare herself. She felt his cock disappear from within her only to force itself back in deeper.

“Ah!” she cried out, tears biting the corner of her eyes as her breath came out staggered. That hurt.

“Shit, sorry-“ he gritted out. He shook his head before scanning her face worriedly.

He kissed a tear that seemed to escape from the corner of her eye, “I’ll be slower.” he murmured-voice strained.

She closed her eyes when he glanced down between them. She wasn’t the only one trembling, she felt the slight tremors of tension knotting and unknotting under his skin. She knew he was trying to be as patient as he could with her, she wanted to do this for him.

She bit her lower lip, trying not to cry out when she felt his cock slowly press deeper into her. It felt as if he were pushing through something he shouldn’t—as if he were trying to make room somewhere that was too tight but he kept insisting—making room for himself in her.

She gasped-unable to take the pain and the low flickering sensation of heat building up in her insides, making her wetter. She felt filled enough but he still seemed have more-how, oh lord, how—

Her eyes shot open, “Wait-wait-“

He went still, exhaling breathlessly as he stared down at her.

Her eyes fluttered as she wriggled her hips upwards slightly-thinking it might alleviate the pain. The sensation of having something within her all too foreign. She felt his cock slide against her walls.

He hissed, “Don’t do that.”

She felt his thighs and shoulders flex. Imperceptible waves of self-restraint rolling off of him.

She gasped slightly when she felt his cock throb within her—her insides instinctively clamped around him.

His breath seemed to disappear and suddenly his cock was gone from within her. Her eyes opened wide to see that his expression was hard.

“Do you want me to be gentle.”

She nodded, unable to tear her eyes away from his deep silver ones.

He pressed his forehead to hers, his hand fisting the hair at the crown of her head. “Then don’t make this hard for me.” he spoke raggedly.

She held onto his neck tighter-her eyes flitting between each of his as her thumbs stroked ahis defined jaw.

“S-“ his lips cut her off before she could finish her apology. The kiss was fierce, hungry, unrestrained—suddenly he plunged his cock into her at the same depth as before.

She whimpered under his lips. The pain made her fingers curl into his skin—her nails making crescent shaped marks in his back.

He broke the kiss, staring down at her intently as he withdrew his hips slightly-not fully removing his cock from within her.

His expression was strained, “This is gonna hurt.”

Her eyes widened before she completely wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to hide her face in his shoulder. Her hands shook subtly in his hair as her knees drew her legs closer around his hips-inadvertently pushing his cock slightly deeper. His jaw clenched.

“Okay.” she rasped out, only to lose any sense of coherent thought a second later.

He drove the full length of his cock inside in her one detrimental sweep. She screamed-unprepared despite the warning. She threw her head back, back arching against the bed as her tits pressed into his firm chest. His body a rigid weight against her trembling, writhing form—keeping her pinned under him.

Her insides clung to him—squeezing him unbearably tight. A deep moan escaped his lips, traveling down the cusp of her ear to every nerve in her body.

His hand at the crown of her head fisted her hair. His other hand simultaneously sliding around her arched her back, slipping over her ass to further press himself into her cunt. She gasped out, wincing.

Her arms shook around him as she hugged him tightly, her wrapped legs around his back keeping him close. Her breath was weak and uneven as she tried to think past the pain—wanting to give him her all.

She lifted her hips slightly—her cunt tightening further around his cock at the action. His cock made her feel so full. She never thought she could feel like this. Underneath the aftershocks of pain, there was this indiscernible sensation that sparked deep below her abdomen-making her skin tingle and breath hot. It felt like something was suspended inside of her, waiting to come apart.

His hips bucked into her, and a staggered cry left her lips. She felt her insides reflexively squeeze around him and before she knew it, another low, guttural moan was ripped from his throat and she felt his cock twitch in her depths.

Suddenly he straightened, easily unraveling himself from her wrapped arms to pull back his hips. He pulled his cock out a second before spurts of his cum began to pour from his tip. She stared-stunned-as his cock twitched, continuing to spurt out thick, white liquid over her stomach until his cock went still.

Her eyes flickered up to see that his face was flushed, almost glowing in a way she’d never seen before. She stared, watching his sweaty body gleam as he breathed coarsely, his abs hardening with each inhale. The strands of his dark hair that weren’t pasted to his forehead swayed as he looked down at her.

She swallowed, her heart scrambling into different directions at his gaze. She couldn’t describe the pull she always felt with him—as if the atoms in the air were pulling them together, as if being skin to skin wasn’t enough.

She sharply turned her face away, drawing in the shaky breath his eyes had chased away. She could relax now, he had finished. The feeling of his warm cum on her stomach was proof.

She jolted slightly when she felt him bend over her once-more. His silver eyes unreadable as he propped his arm beside her head again.

Her legs jolted sensitively when she felt him rub the tip of his cock against her inner thigh-wiping away the last bead of his cum, before driving the full-length of his cock deep into her cunt in one stroke.

She yelled out-her cunt convulsing around him from the pain. The underlying shocks of pleasure that scattered within her surprised her. Her hands went to his chest as she attempted to even out her breathing.

Her expression was strained as she looked up at him, “L-Levi, what are you doing?”

Both of his arms were propped beside her head now. One hand grasped the hair above her head in a loose fist, while the other pressed into the side of her face—his thumb grazing her panting lips.

His eyes were unrelenting in the dark, “I’m not done with you.”

A loud gasp left her lips when she felt him press his hips further into her.

She groaned, “Levi..” her hands spasmed across his chest before gripping his shoulders tightly.

He pressed his forehead against hers, his voice jagged, “How could I be? After everything you do to me..”

Her cunt squeezed around him and he hissed. His cock bucking into her, “Need t’give this cunt what it deserves.”

Before he could start, her hand went to his throat, “Wait-wait-I-I don’t know if I’m made for this.” she stuttered out, saying the first words that came to mind.

His dark, barely constrained eyes studied her. She felt his cock twitch inside of her and shivered.

“Then why do you feel like you’re made for me.”

His quiet words washed over her skin, making something churn in her gut. Her hands slid over his jaw and cupped his face, she leaned up to kiss him.

Then she was at his mercy.

He kissed her so hard she was crushed against the sheets. His cock pistoned in and out of her at a pace brutal enough to make her see stars.

The pain was immense, but the rising sensation she felt rising underneath her skin was indescribable. She’d never felt anything like it. It made her insides clamp desperately around his cock every time he slammed into her.

She broke the kiss, arching her neck back as her body trembled under his unforgiving pace. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think.

It felt inhumane, animalistic, and otherworldly. He fucked her in a way that didn't think humanly possible-so fast, deep and powerful. It was almost as if he were proving to her that no one else could make her feel like this-branding it within her insides.

His hunger poured through the strength of his merciless thrusts. Any restraint he’d kept before was long gone. His hand fisted her hair, keeping her neck arched as he bit at the sensitive skin underneath her jaw. His teeth marking as much of her as he desired—he didn’t slow down.

Tears streamed down the corners of her eyes as his pace picked up. She didn’t think that was possible-but his strength-she felt it thrumming boundlessly in his skin. She swore his cock had grown in size.

She couldn’t take it. Loud cries left her lips with each body bending fuck. Her arms aching from how tightly she held onto his shoulders. His breaths were short, hot and sharp and beside her throat. His cock throbbed within her.

Suddenly one harsh thrust touched her too deep—deep enough to make her shatter. Her head flung backwards. She didn’t know if she was moaning or screaming but she felt a pleasure so blinding her body buckled underneath his.

The lewd sounds of their sex and the headboard hitting the wall became white noise. Wave after wave of pleasure unfurled at every point of her body—consuming all of her. His relentless pace powering through her, letting the fire brewing within her peak to a devastating degree.

And her mind went blank.

“Have you ate at all today?”

She froze, her hand tightening over the sheets, “No.” she admitted.

She felt Levi’s razor-sharp eyes bore into the side of her head but she refused to meet his gaze. She knew the confession would upset him.

“That explains it.” Dr. Bernard spoke calmly before reaching into his bag and handing her a banana.

She hesitated a moment before taking it.

“Please, eat,” he urged, “It’s no wonder you went unconscious after that much strenuous activity.” Dr. Bernard shot Levi a disappointed look.

Levi didn’t meet his eyes. He wore a plain black tee since she currently wore the dress-shirt he’d been wearing earlier.

Dr. Bernard stood up, re-adjusting his glasses, “I suppose that concludes our time together. Please, miss, I implore you to not miss your meals. Food is our fuel.”

His eyes narrowed as he turned to Levi, “And I implore you to practice more restraint.”

A faint blush bloomed on Levi’s cheeks as his eyes hardened, but he-surprisingly-said nothing. Instead he straightened from his perch against the wall, letting his folded arms drop to his sides as he motioned towards the door.

“I’ll walk you out.” his tone clipped.

Dr. Bernard merely sighed. He turned to give Devon a nod in goodbye before walking out of the room. Just as Levi turned to follow him, he stopped in his tracks.

He glanced over his shoulder to see her struggling with peeling the banana, her wrists wobbling slightly.

He grit his teeth before hastily turning to her and snatching the banana from her hands. He deftly peeled its sides before handing it to her.

She stared up at him for a moment before taking it from him. She knew he’d be mad at her for skipping her meals but it still surprised her.

She waited for some scolding remark but none came—instead he was terse, “How do you feel.”

She’d awoken in the middle of Dr. Bernard examining her so it was only natural for him to want to know. But.. how could she answer that question?

She supposed Dr. Bernard was right in some aspect. She had been feeling a bit lightheaded throughout the day but the only reason why she’d passed out was because of him; that overwhelming sense of pleasure he elicited in her body.

Her throat went dry before her eyes flitted up to him.

“H-how did you do that?” her voice felt low and hoarse to her ears.

His thin brows furrowed, “What.”

Her legs inadvertently squeezed together under the sheets-his eyes followed the action.

She swallowed, “How did you make me feel like that?”

His eyes widened-black fire inflaming within his stare-before he was on her. He bent over her, one hand planted to the headboard while his other hand crept up her knee to her inner thigh, over the blanket.

She shivered, leaning back into the headboard as he cornered her.

His crystalline eyes never left hers, “How’d I make you feel.” his low voice made her heartbeat go off at an erratic rate.

Her throat tightened before losing all train of thought when his hand lightly squeezed her inner thigh. A short gasp leaving her lips as her body jolted. The sharp sense of pain that shot through her was distinct, making her cunt squeeze inwards reflexively. Her insides throbbed, clutching at broken pieces of bliss that she'd felt before.

She glanced down at her now open legs. Last she remembered, she'd mentally instructed herself to squeeze her legs together-to stop his wandering hand, not spread herself wider for him.

Suddenly Dr. Bernard called out from the living room, “Guess I’ll just walk myself out then!”

Levi suddenly wrenched himself away from her-as if having completely forgotten someone else was in the apartment. To be fair, she had too.

“I’ll be back.” he muttered before swiftly exiting the room, shutting the door behind himself.

Her eyes widened when she saw the rumpled pile of sheets stuffed behind the door—an obvious red stain on the old sheets. I bled.. that much? She stared at the stain, feeling a bit unnerved. She hadn't even realized that she bled in the first place.

She glanced down, just noticing that the sheets on the bed were were different than the ones used during their.. sex, he must’ve hastily replaced them before grabbing the Doctor.

She touched her lower belly, belatedly realizing that the cum that’d been there moments ago was gone as well. He was always so particular about his cleanliness… only to fuck like that. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around it.

She swallowed, a wave of exhaustion hitting her. She took a few bites from the banana before laying down.

She thought she distantly heard the familiar low intonation of Levi’s voice speaking to Dr. Bernard. She pulled the sheets up to her shoulders-willingly succumbing to the pull of sleep wafting over her. Her last fleeting thought being—when’s he going to come back?

Unfortunately, it would be a while.

a/n: AHHHHHHHHHHHNSUFBiebijnadsnfuild :)

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dreamingon-forever · 1 year

Text

Masterlist/Navigation

Finally took the time to sort out my written works. Hope this helps out some of you navigate through my works!

AO3 Link: 💜

Multi-chaptered stories:

Black Tea is Fine- (Angst, slow burn, love triangles) Levi was the new janitor at Paradis High. He thought that rowdy teenage brats would be the worst part of the job, until he met the school's eccentric chemistry teacher Hange Zoe. His peaceful and quiet afternoons within the building were soon challenged by her persistent invitations for some tea in her classroom.

Unexpected Co-Parents- (Fluff, co-parenting, unexpected meetings) Levi Ackerman had been living in the big city of Sina for a while now as a corporal worker, finding peace in the little solitude he got from the bustling and lively city life. His peaceful days however, are numbered as he unexpectedly finds himself becoming co-parents with an eccentric florist he just met.

Short HC:

Four-Eyes- (Canonverse, post-war, reminiscence, slight angst) Armin gifts the ex-corporal with a gift that belonged to Hange. The present bringing newfound comfort and memories to resurface years after the war.

The First Kiss- (Canonverse, rumbling mention, post-war) How their first kiss happened and how Levi remembers it after the war.

The Best Friends Lover Trope- (Prewar, Veteran era, fluff) Levi and Hange's love language and how they express their feelings for each other. How they'd be in a relationship

Drabbles:

Tied Up in Marley- (Canonverse, semi-sad, fluffy ending) Follows after the event of the SC making it to Marley. Levi finds it difficult to adjust to the cultural differences in the enemy territory. Mainly the clothing style and the overly complicated accessory called a tie. Hange, however, helps him figure it out.

The First Night- (Canonverse, mainly fluffy, mention of death) After Furlan and Isabel's death, Levi struggles to deal with the loss of his best friends. Hange having noticed the man's shift in attitude, decided to help him get through his grief, and in the process creating a special bond between them.

Happy Birthday, Four-Eyes- (Canonverse. Veteran Corps. Fluffy. Enemies to friends) The corps was getting ready to celebrate Hange Zoe's birthday, but Levi, the one person who didn't get along with her, ends up getting involved in the celebrations anyways.

Levihan as a Couple in Modern AU- (Modern AU, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst, domestic life) From an ask sent in. Explores the relationship of Levi and Hange as a couple in modern life.

Previews of Next Works:

List of Previews

Captured at First Glance, Immortalized at a Second- (Angst, missed love, slow burn, missed opportunity) Levi Ackerman, a renounced photographer had been friends with ecologist Hange since they were young. And that was the only way he could ever see her as despite Hange having confessed her love for him during their high school years. Unfortunately, love isn't always reciprocated, and instead of returning his childhood friend's sentiments, Levi ends up falling for her half-sister Petra instead. As separation and new life events lead them into different life paths during their teenage years, severing their ties with each other along they way, they end up meeting once again as adults for Mike and Nanaba's wedding. Where Levi is suddenly confronted with the possibility of having lost on the love of his life when he realizes he'd been in love with Hange all along.

Levihan Promp Ideas

Posts:

Levihan:

Analysis:

💜Shared Jacket

💜Levihan X Aruani

💜Levihan How it Started vs. How it Ended

💜Levihan Hellos in No Regret vs. Last Goodbyes in Ch. 132

💜Levihan Opposites Attract

💜Hange's Importance and Influence on Levi's Life

💜Levi's Scars are the only Physical Reminder Levi Has Left of Her

💜Dedicate Your Heart and Levihan Being Almost Married

💜Levihan Actors Wearing Original Scouts Uniform

💜 Levi's Gaze Towards Hange Over the Years

💜 Levihan and Hanako/Kabakura (Wotakoi) as Each Other in Different Fonts

💜 Levi Brave Order Birthday Wish for Hange

💜 Levihan and their Adopted Kids

Random Thoughts:

💚 One-Eyed Junior High Hange and Levi

💚 Levihan X Collaborations that Call Levihan Canon

💚 Levihan Sharing a Lollipop on a Date in Marley

💚 Levihan Sharing Tea Official Illustrations

💚 Levihan X Re:SHAZAM Collab

💚 Levihan Sharing Everything

💚 Levihan X Eremika Parallels

💚 Levihan in Eremika Steam Punk Outfit Edit

💚 Levi Constantly Losing the Important People in His Life

AoT X Collaborations:

⚔️ EEO Sherlock and Phantom of the Opera Style Collab

⚔️ Levihan X RE:SHAZAM Collab

⚔️ Flex Japan Tie and Suits Collab

⚔️ NOBIACE Levi Collab Illustration

⚔️ Charalog Chibi Collab

⚔️ Marakuji Circus Collab

⚔️ Junior High Umbrella Tags

⚔️ Animate Marley Collab 2

⚔️ AoT Sleepy Collab Compilation

⚔️ Chibi Sleep Collab

⚔️ Eren, Erwin, Hange, Levi X NOBIACE Collab

⚔️ Ackermans New Skins in Brave Order

⚔️ AoT X Roll Ice Cream Factory Collaboration

⚔️ BellHouse Shop Collab

AoT Random Posts:

AoT Pairs that Lost Their Significant Halves and their Love Tropes

Sauna Official and Fanart Illustration

AoT Characters Seen as Actors by Isayama

AoT Tarot Merch Sets Meanings and Explanation (In Depth)

#levihan #levihan masterlist #masterlist #levi x hange #levi x hanji #hange zoe #levi ackerman #levihan ff #levihan fanfiction

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stilemawillow · 2 months

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MTIJ | Ch.30 City of Dumbassery, Here I Come

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 13k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

warnings: nsfw content; mentions of nudity; virginity loss; oral sex (f! receiving); protected sex; explicit sexual content; reader discretion advised

A hundred-dollar question: where do people go to blow off steam when their interns weren’t back back from their vacation yet? First and foremost, never City of Dumbassery as it’s not a place for relaxation. I might’ve been its main population these days, but I fancied myself a rational person capable of making the right choices when needed. Pretend you’re not looking at my romantic history. The right choice, however, wasn’t always right in the heat of the moment, only in perspective, so we begin this scene with me, seated on Erwin Smith’s couch with Hanji Zoe and a cup of coffee.

For more information on the right-est choice I made as of late, keep watching. Or as asshole-me insists on promoting: Come see the prequel to the biggest fuck-up of this girl’s life. I, though oblivious to its imminent eventuation at the point where we start, had a vague notion of what I wanted the next few days to look like. Let’s just say, humourlessly enough, that my wildest dreams came nowhere close to the reality that would take place.

“I’m sorry about last time, (Y/N). I didn’t know about you and Eren.” Hanji’s contrite apology made my smile widen as I lifted the cup of coffee to my lips. Dismissing the fact she brought the topic right back with the intention to make amends, Hanji was a good person and clearly sincere in her ways of regarding me. Kindness was one thing, but this woman’s pure cordiality was admirable.

“It’s not a problem. I could tell it wasn’t your intention to hurt me.” The corner of my mouth twitched in self-reproach at the manipulative bullshit I let slip. Instantly, I corrected: “Not that I was hurt.” If it’d been Annie, she wouldn’t straight-up laughed. Had it been Levi, he would’ve stared at me like I was dumb for thinking him dumb enough to buy it. But this was Hanji and she just smiled reassuringly.

“You can share if you want to. That’s what I’m here for with all my friends,” she offered. It sounded tempting but I couldn’t allow myself that kind of openness yet. Annie was, as always, the only person who knew the full story in all its repulsive glory but if I wanted to preserve (Levi’s privacy) my reputation, I couldn’t tell the whole thing here. The whole thing – look at me dodging the serious parts in an attempt to make myself feel better. I couldn’t tell Hanji about my intoxicated attempt to sleep with her friend, who gave dubious if any consent. Sounded appropriately disgusting like this.

“Mike and Erwin seem like they lead pretty decent lives, though.” Redirecting the topic, ignoring everything weird, dismissing all as a dirty scheme meant to humiliate me – a methodical step-by-step guide on how to be a paranoid bitch. It would’ve been my equivalent of the Bible if I weren’t an atheist. Even if I regularly used OMG, if I had to pick a fictional character to believe was real, at least I’d pick one from a book with a legit author – something by King, Thackeray, Hemingway, Tolkien, Orwell or Hawthorne. Following that train of thought, I might as well start worshipping Mickey Mouse – it’d do me more good than the big guy with the beard who loves me but would make me suffer for all eternity for stepping out of line once. I did it a lot.

“It wasn’t always like that. Not to mention Levi was stuck in the gutter a month back.” Hanji’s words snapped me out of my daze. “I know I told you to wait for him, but I don’t trust him, so make sure you keep this conversation a secret,” she warned while leaning forward as if afraid the walls would hear. The suspense, though exaggerated and a bit comical, made me put down my coffee. “So, you know how Petra is mentioned here and there?” I nodded. “She was Levi’s fiancé. She died in a car crash last October.” I knew I should’ve reacted appropriately but I couldn’t force it quickly enough. Hanji noticed. “You don’t look shocked.”

“No, but I am surprised. A lot of things make sense now. I’m sorry for your loss.” I hastened to make a recovery to lessen the doubt along the planes of her face. A pang tugged on my heart. When I considered the alternate reality where Petra hadn’t died, the notion of Levi not arriving for his internship was incomprehensible. He’d be studying hard at home and married. No rings, no chaos, no cheating for me – yes, good, but no company around the house either, no distraction and no comfort.

“You haven’t done anything to apologise for it,” Hanji said. “Anyways. Shorty was in a really bad place the months after. Working himself to the bone, no sleep, no food, no nothing. He just had to be doing something. The one good thing that came out of it was his weekly visits to his mother.” A small pause, a moment of consideration for her and an odd feeling of fascination for me. I was soaking it up like a sponge because I was seeing, at last, his angle. “Maybe it hit him that if death came for Petra, it could come for Kuchel, too. I can’t know for sure. All I know is he exhausted himself to the point he collapsed. Unconscious for three whole days. Isabel told him he’d gotten the internship when he woke up.”

“So he used it as an escape,” I finished. It was a logical conclusion. Hanji nodded. Avoiding pain wasn’t the way but he’d been desperate to get away and the internship had been the perfect opportunity. He’d grabbed his bags, boarded the plane and then… well, had to deal with me. Not a warm welcome by any means. He hadn’t even had the energy to get angry or look like he felt anything. I hadn’t known, hadn’t cared enough to see. It made me uncomfortable to realise it.

“Flew over a whole ocean and kept working,” Hanji proceeded. “He wanted something to distract himself with. When he ran out of work because he did overtime, he started calling home more often. Vague details were all he gave, but I got the feeling he had something else to work on.” Hanji’s words made a lopsided smile kiss my lips. He’d wanted to busy himself with my well-being, but I’d taken it the wrong way, as I often did. Nowadays the matter was often used against him but never by him – wasn’t that funny?

“Becoming the spoiled brat’s babysitter,” I filled in kindly, but Hanji’s disapproving frown meant to reproach along with the eloquent gesture of her crossing her arms. I didn’t regret the way I worded it. Eren, Annie, Mikasa and my mother had often tried to make me rethink my ways, but results were yet to manifest. This story, with me as the shitty protagonist most likely to be insufferable contrary to sympathy-inducing, portrayed reality as I saw it – and reality often neglected character development.

“He never called you either, but he did mention taking care of you had the same effect as working, if not better. I felt he might find himself a friend, so I supported him. I think I made the right choice. You have a lot in common,” Hanji declared. It struck a cord – did we really? Our arguments were fire lashing out at ice – not something that happened with people got along. Levi was hard to anger whereas I had a short fuse – everything was a personal insult. No easier target than a conceited paranoid.

“On the topic of that,” I piped. “How do you forget somebody?” The question was light-hearted. I decided to dismiss the whole story so I could ponder it later. Hanji’s brows furrowed as she smiled sympathetically. She couldn’t imagine the situation well enough. The question was I over Eren? had kept at a safe distance from my mind during my birthday vacation and the beginning of August only to assault it now with pitiless ire.

Things kept coming back when I least needed them. Thoughts of the twinkle in his teal eyes or the crooked smile he always wore before a kiss, the sound of his voice – the softness he’d told me he loved me with the first time, the haunting quiver in it when we were breaking up. I woke up at night with the howl of planes taking off and landing. On some mornings, I woke up, hoping to hear a knock at the door and see his face. Would he be more tan? Would his eyes be the same? Would his hair be styled differently? Would he have grown taller?

But, (Y/N), a voice would say in my head, people don’t grow taller just like that, it’s physically impossible.

Eren can, I’d argue, because Eren is my boyfriend and he can do anything if he puts his mind to it.

But Eren wasn’t my boyfriend and he wasn’t a miracle-maker. I’d sit in bed and argue with myself that Eren would come back, that I wanted the best for him and that wasn’t me, that we were done, but that he’d still come back. He never did. A small desperate part of me still hoped for the door to open – any door. Erwin Smith’s apartment’s front door right now, even. I could almost hear his footsteps going up the stairs. I swore I could. I turned to Hanji, a naïve question – can’t you? – flickering in my orbs. She didn’t catch it.

“I’m not an expert,” she said instead. “But Levi can be of help. His coping mechanisms aren’t the best example to follow, but he has a good head on his shoulders. He just doesn’t listen to it.” She might’ve thought, with how desperate I looked, that I might cry. She didn’t know pride would rather have me rip out of my tear ducts before that happened. I didn’t cry often or in many people’s presence. That wasn’t to say I didn’t like Hanji. But Annie and, unfortunately, Levi were the exceptions here. The latter was a mystery, probably my attempt to play a damsel in distress to ask for attention. Attention and help and fucking, might as well – a kiss. Couldn’t he just kiss me sometimes without me having to be in the middle of a mood?

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t copy those coping mechanisms even if I wanted to. Work, sex and alcohol are never a good mix.” I let out an awkward string of laughter, weirded out by my abrupt disconnection from the conversation and how it turned my thoughts against me. I didn’t miss him that much. Also, he was coming home tomorrow. I had nothing to play the desperate whore for. There was the blondie. That wasn’t jealousy, though. I’d say it was my wish to prove myself better.

“Sex?” Hanji echoed with a conflicted expression.

“Sex with my father’s secretary. I think it was around May. He stormed out after calling her and came back drunk in the middle of the night,” I explained. The brown-haired woman took a second to process the story, then burst out in incredulous laughter. My brows twitched. “What’s so funny?” Was it something else or was I just weird for not thinking my father’s intern and secretary fucking the joke of the century?

“I remember him telling me about that,” she started, voice hinting at a new bout of cackling. “He went to her place for paperwork and she had her boyfriend over. They kept offering him drinks and he agreed to shut them up. Crossed the line at some point. He even got lost on his way back to the house.” I wanted to face-palm using the table and, hopefully, get myself into a coma. Was there a person on this Earth denser than me or was I a phenomenal idiot?

“Oh, God,” I muttered in a wheeze. “I’m so stupid.” Embarrassment and shame painted the tips of my ears bright crimson as I clenched my fists. Hanji patted my shoulder.

“You’re not stupid. I would’ve thought the same if I had no context. Levi would never just have a one-night stand, though. Not the type of person for it. He claims it’s the wrongest way to get over something.” Her brown eyes, previously fixed on me, were now directed at the coffee table. “Might work for you, but he most certainly hates it.” A snort was drawn from her lips as she withdrew her hand from my shoulder. I tried not to think about it, but it was inevitable. Hitch’s party, him refusing, refusing, refusing, because it would be “just like that” and “just like that” was a solution for neither of us.

“I’ll consider it,” I joked. “I was busy up until recently, but maybe university won’t be enough to distract me.” I smiled as Hanji chuckled, patting my back.

“Another boyfriend should do the trick in that case,” she said.

But I don’t want another boyfriend, I wanted to counter. I want your grumpy short friend. The thought froze me up. Asshole-me joined Hanji’s hearty chuckle. Bold of me to think it. Terrible of me to think it. Wrong of me to think it. It was complicated. If romance was not involved here, it was undeniable at this point. I could almost feel it written in capital letters on my forehead.

ATTRACTED TO LEVI ACKERMAN. VERY.

“I’m not ready for the commitment.” Was the only comment to exit my mouth due to the sudden discomfort nestling in the crevice of my ribcage. “I think,” I added awkwardly, reluctant regarding a relationship but very opinionated on the topic of engaging my father’s intern in something inappropriate that would make our relations twice as complicated as they were.

“A friend with benefits then?” Hanji’s mind-reading abilities amazed. I realised it suddenly – that it was natural, this attraction of mine, no matter how humiliating and inconvenient. It wasn’t weird and maybe it wasn’t all that wrong. It was a guy who was three years older than me who lived with me that I considered unreachable. The forbidden fruit, so to say. He was handsome, mysterious and had abs. Natural to be attracted to that. Natural to be attracted to it when I saw it every day and it saw me every day and most times it treated me with passive kindness. So there’d be no harm, I assumed, in initiating something a smidge bigger. What was stopping me? I didn’t have a boyfriend, I wouldn’t feel guilty and I wasn’t insecure because, hey, he’d kissed me last time. Obviously, I wasn’t nasty.

“Update from a virgin to a slut then?” I smirked, a decision born. Hanji’s mouth clamped shut shamefully and I laughed. “I’m kidding, calm down. It was just a joke.” I patted her back. The ring on my finger was cool to the couch and soothing. My resolve, for once, was there. I had a goal. A simple one at that – nothing dangerous. Two words: kiss Levi. I would do it because there was nothing to stop me. I mean, what was the worst that could happen?

…

Imagine an elegant expensive kitchen armed with all kinds of top-quality appliances. Paradise for all little housewives who greet their husbands with a warm meal. I wasn’t that type and the fact I spent four hours cooking more food than a family of six could eat didn’t make me one either. Judging was futile because I took care of that myself during the whole process. Currently, the fruit of my effort sat in front of me – a full three-course meal with different forks to go with the high-class atmosphere. I was far from a successor of Gordon Ramsay, but I outdid myself this time. Why? Last-minute anxiety maybe. Or fear. I needed a distraction because the thought of Eren wouldn’t stop pestering me. Added to that was the fact my father could walk in without Levi. Asshole-me didn’t help.

Bet on the outcome now! A once-in-a-lifetime offer that provides an endless amount of entertainment for the whole family! Fifty bucks says a discount version of William will use the vanishing potion and fly back to France! The other side of the bet? Sorry, I don’t know her. With such a commentator, it was early to skip the food and go straight to consuming my fingernails. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. Place your bets right now, your bets need to go in the ballot box, quickly fill out the slips and put them in! Will he go or yes? And what’s the sweat for, princess? Don’t we like watching history repeat itself? I love it. So bet, bet, bet, bet! Come on, faster! If I had a penny for each time your father’s intern left you in the summer, I’d have two pennies. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s hilarious it happened twice!

The jingle of keys pulled the plug on asshole-me’s voice. I’d waited a whole hour now and my head snapped up so fast I heard my neck pop. The front door opened and my heart flinched when my father walked in, dressed in one of those hideous Hawaiian shirts they sold in souvenir shops and flaunting on his nose and cheekbones a really bad case of sunburn. He’d say the sun was harsh in Minnesota. I’d pretend not to hear because believing was impossible. He slipped out of his sandals and I clasped my hands together in excitement.

“Dad, finally! I was starting to think I’d have to reheat everything,” I said. He turned to face the fake exasperation masking the genuine joy I felt at his return. A doubtful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and my eyes were frantically bouncing from him to the open door. Panic began to well up in my mind. Asshole-me was diligently digging a hole for it, to fit as much as possible.

“A pretty big feast you have there.” Rolland Raven took off the sunglasses he was wearing to eye the food a bit better. I cracked a smile I hoped wouldn’t seem constipated. My thought process was starting to lag due to overload when I heard a faint curse. Next thing, Levi’s pale figure, wearing a ridiculous straw hat. My heart dropped like a stone, plugged the pit of panic and made asshole-me yelp when it nearly crushed her fingers. I felt like stumbling back into my chair and never getting up.

“I guessed you might be hungry after the flight. You don’t have to eat all of it,” I said. It was then a pair of graphite hues shot up to my face. It felt like each muscle in it strained almost to the point of tearing. My father took a seat at the counter while the intern opted to drop off his luggage upstairs and change clothes. I stared after him a second too long while he was climbing the stairs.

“You’ve never waited for me after a business trip before.” (E/c) clashed with (e/c) as my father began picking his food and digging in with more enthusiasm than I’d expected. Levi had mentioned the almightly Raven had complained about the poor quality on the trip compared to what he had at home, but it was still a compliment to witness it manifested.

“I usually have things to do when you’re on business trips, father. This summer I needed a source of entertainment.” I rolled my eyes, letting them scan the interior during the roundabout lie. Lucky enough, they caught the exact moment Levi was leaving his room, tugging down his shirt. A glimpse of fit abdominals. A vague tan line. The food on the counter became a tad bit less appetising.

“Don’t you have Eren Jaeger to help with that?” My father’s question made my attention snap back in place just in time for Levi not to catch me staring. He took a seat at the far end of the counter but I was too preoccupied with a small freak-out fit to dwell on it.

“About that,” I squeaked out with a constipated expression, prompting both men’s attention to turn from half-hearted to wholly undivided. Amazing. I couldn’t have done a better job at it if I’d begun yodelling out of the blue. “Eren broke up with me two months ago.” The key to not sounding like a squeaky toy was to not meet anybody’s gaze. My father was blinking like something had gotten in his eye and Levi’s jaw clenched at the discomfort he was subjected to.

“And I wasn’t notified of that because?” Rolland Raven, among many a quality, was a proud man who, in spite of his profession, could never act quite as predictably as I wished him to. This was no exception because I didn’t have time to open my mouth before he silenced me with a hand in the air. “No, forget I asked. I need to have a serious talk with him. Maybe make him pay back all the dates you’ve handled with interest. We can make a fortune.” The devious plan was voiced in his typical cold-blooded businessman manner. I waved my hands around in discomfort.

“Hold your horses, father. You’re not the one who got dumped. Eren ended the whole thing because he went to study in Germany,” I explained but it wouldn’t satisfy my father, who only glared while putting a fork-full of potatoes in his mouth. Levi tried to become fully invisible. I thought if things got too heated for him, he might make a dash for his room with the dish.

“Unreasonable as can be. If he loved you as much as he had the balls to claim in front of me, he could’ve thought of an alternative that didn’t include breaking your heart. Because of something as insignificant as distance, too.” My father leaned back in his chair with folded arms. He forgot all about food so he could glare at me.

“4898 miles to be exact,” I murmured pitifully. Both men shot me an incredulous look, to which I switched on defence mode. “I did my research. I wasn’t crying the whole time.” Subconsciously copying my father’s position, I reclined in my chair and crossed my arms, glaring like a child prior to giving a sigh and smiling weakly. “I gave it a lot of thought and he did the right thing. So can you be the one to tell mom later?” The last inquiry seemed to surprise him, maybe because it was expected of me to share more with my mother and thus already have her know the super secret information I was handing him.

“I’ll try not to cry as I do.” A nod and a similar weak smile. “You did well not to tell me immediately.” He returned to normal – calculating and sharp, looking for weaknesses and thinking in numbers. Levi’s lack of shock went unnoticed, which I was secretly thankful for. The raven was looking at me playing with the silver band around my finger to soothe my nerves.

“Because you would’ve gone to the airport to kick him to the curb like a good father?” I smirked, a pointed look aimed at the dark-haired businessman, who only snorted in return prior to redirecting his attention back to the food.

“… maybe.” A small pause betraying care, an awkward glance in his intern’s direction conveying mild panic as a result of his feelings showing and a fake clearing of the throat to show discomfiture. He changed the topic immediately. “Have I told you you’ve become a better cook than your mother?” (E/c) clashed with (e/c) and I knew he could see I was holding back laughter by the way the corner of his mouth twitched downwards in displeasure.

“You have now. Congratulations on successfully dodging the topic,” I announced with a complacent grin as he scoffed, ignoring the embarrassment so he could go back to eating. Levi’s gaze was relentless but, once having resolved the current minor conflict, I felt too ashamed to return it. I couldn’t be speaking of Eren, thinking of Levi and acting like a professional whore. It went against my moral code. I wished it was as stable as my pride. Somewhere in my head, asshole-me was drafting an advertisement for the future demise of both.

The following day was unexpectedly laid back in terms of emotions – the process of waking up and going to work was starting to become mechanical. I disliked that I was turning into a nine-to-five zombie, but Melinda’s cross remarks did nothing to hinder my placidity and Adam’s request for a date was, surprisingly, accepted with a pinch of reluctance. It was time for something new, I defended when asshole-me breached the topic of my change of heart. I couldn’t go a whole life without clashing with a man who wasn’t Eren. To forget him, I actually needed to accept that. Because knowing he wouldn’t come back and I didn’t want to get back together was different from realising I couldn’t stay in the comfort zone of being endlessly attached to him and using it as an excuse to never move on.

I felt a smile light up my face the moment I saw Levi in front of the TV with a cup of tea in his hand. Unfortunately, I couldn’t use him to move on – it was the conclusion I drew from the quiet happiness gripping my heart at the sight of him beckoning me over. Everything I’d done had been quite enough. I wouldn’t turn him into a tool as well. So I settled on the couch and we led a half-assed conversation about the movie playing until my parents barged in, beaming and formal. Going for a date at a restaurant – yeah, no, I knew where they were going after. I smiled as we sent them off, and then the ebony-haired intern began choosing the movie we’d be watching and I worked on the snacks downstairs.

Accepted a date, claimed you won’t use him and now you’re pondering the kiss you’ll initiate. You know you’re fucked in the head, correct? Asshole-me piped mockingly, making me huff. I knew I was fucked in the head because she was there. Also, kissing Levi and using Levi were two different things. Different for him how? It’s kissing. It wasn’t. It would be exploring this time – not thinking about being distracted but feeling it for what it was. Jesus, that’s such a weak excuse. I felt she might be face-palming. Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You spent so much time telling your best friend you don’t like him, then you miss Eren, then you “date” Adam, then you grab your friend-zoned intern and decide you’ll be kissing him again – after you established you’re fucking inferior to the blondie who’s clearly hitting on him or clearly intent on doing it too. Can you not follow the timeline?

“Princess, why does Natalie tell me you’ve filled out all the forms related to the company’s income during our vacation?” Levi lowered the phone from his ear. The call had ended a second ago and he was glaring at me doubtfully. I was busy watching the movie – hopefully, excuse enough for scarce to no eye contact. I opened the pack of Doritos I’d dug up from my secret stash in the garage and warily eyed the pale intern’s expression.

“Because the forms were in the office downstairs and I figured they’d get in the way of our movie marathon, asshole. I haven’t messed them up.” My scoff was promptly returned to sender as Levi shoved his phone back in his pocket and clicked his tongue in exasperation. Another three minutes passed before I spoke up: “By the way, I need advice.” The room was dimly lit and the raven’s sharp gaze was on my temple.

“Will you have it in mind when you get back on your bullshit?” The inquiry was flat and doubtful. I tried to nod but it came out looking like a cringe and a shrug. His lips pursed in exhaustion. “Spill,” he ordered coldly, making me pout.

“How do I forget Eren?” Squeaky was the best I could do after becoming tense again. Nervousness was gnawing at the feeble stem of courage I’d managed to grow and my hopes for this to go as smoothly as a chat about the weather were stuck in an elevator on the top floor of a skyscraper. Even overthinking was useless here.

“Easy,” he said. Again, there was that breach of grammar. “Find somebody new. Judging by how much you’re smiling these days, you might as well be done with that.” The suspicious mockery made me snort.

“Don’t you think I might be happy to have you and dad back home?” I asked pointedly.

“No,” he countered with a defiant click of his tongue. What he said next sounded like an extract from a Jorge Bucay book. Something about self-love maybe. “Before you get with Rivers, however, you have to accept that Jaeger is now your ex. He’s part of the past and the past doesn’t hold power over the future if you don’t let it.” I bit back laughter to not offend him.

“Such a poet you are,” I huffed half-heartedly. “And how do I stop loving him?” Seriousness stood perched on my right shoulder, but the Doritos between us kept decreasing and I felt the soothing coolness of the ring on my finger. Our gazes locked and I stared, just because I could, because he was back, because he acted normally. And why wouldn’t he? Our circumstances surely weren’t enough to alter his demeanour.

“You don’t. You never will and you should get used to it.” His answer cut deep and I realised it might’ve confused me but I was too captivated by his eyes to process it. He forced himself to explain: “We never stop loving somebody once we’ve fallen for them. We just fall harder for another person.” It was as romantic as it was businessman-like. A bit too… systematic somehow.

Line up, line up! Asshole-me encouraged. I imagined a big queue in front of an entrance door with a sign bearing my name above it. Number 12, pass through, but beware – number 10 wasn’t careful with his words and number 11 made no effort to change that! The asshole side of me clearly fancied the idea. For all waiting, the Eren Jaeger mural is on the left and the guy on the right is the one you’ll never be! Keep trying but keep this face in mind – Levi Ackerman is hiding in a lot of the corners you’ll visit! He’s an invaluable guest at this establishment! Oh! Is it time for the next one already? Hurry up, number 13! Don’t hold up the queue, who knows how much capacity we have left. And so on until the last victim had walked in. It made my nose scrunch up.

“Does that mean you still haven’t gotten over Petra?” I piped curiously, bright eyes observing closely the intern’s reaction. The movie was no longer as interesting. Everything I could focus on was the furrow between Levi’s brows and the flat unperturbed look in his eyes. He grabbed a Dorito from the pack. I moved my hand away just in time to avoid a clash.

“It means I haven’t fallen in love with the next in line,” he said, reinforcing the notion of a queue. “I’m used to the fact she’d dead. Filling out every report in the world won’t bring her back,” he paused briefly and gulped, “so I go on with my life.” The explanation was simple but relatively quiet, like he was trying to say the words while not exactly aiming to have me hear them. His gaze was staring at the screen ahead as I looked down, trying to come up with a good one-liner to put him out of his discomfort.

“I feel like we’re becoming pensive,” I started with a lopsided smirk, “so let me pull a Reverse Uno card on this mood by saying I’ve reached a milestone in my life.” Licking the Dorito dust off my fingers, I puffed out my chest proudly, making the intern put a hand to his mouth. Maybe he’d bitten back a smile behind it. “I won’t get fined for driving without supervision now. Not to mention, I can have sex.” Waving an index finger in front of his face, I didn’t react when he grabbed it without warning.

“I don’t see what stopped you before,” he stated nonchalantly. I shrugged, concluding I hadn’t exactly shared with him details about my childish vow.

“There was this really religious teacher at school when I was ten – she scarred all her classes by giving them unsolicited Sex Education lectures mixed with Bible verse. Got fired because children complained to their parents, but she did a good one on me before that,” I explained with a smile, yanking my finger from his hold. “Since sex was for sinners – both began with the letter s, she explained to us – and I didn’t want to be a sinner because it meant… well, a bad person, I told myself I’d have sex only after turning eighteen, regardless of the temptation. So I held out. Proud of myself for that.” My complacent smile made him snort. He might’ve glanced at my lips right after.

“I’m sure there’s been a lot of temptation for you, princess,” he drawled in a deep sarcastic voice, moving the empty bag of Doritos away before wiping his fingers with as I processed the retort. I sat still, pouting for a fraction of a second, when it hit me this was my chance. The signal was there – shining in bright green, if I wasn’t color-blind – and it was time for me to grasp the opportunity.

“More than you can imagine, asshole,” I said with a scoff, not parting my eyes from his profile to observe his reaction. We cast aside the fact he could’ve poked fun at me being the furthest thing from a believer, yet such a big aspect of my life had been altered by a religious teacher. The tip of his nose twitched when he snorted in dismissal, not daring to meet my eye all of a sudden.

“The mood has been brightened. What do we do now?” He turned to face me, curious but hesitant, and I felt a surge of courage at the sight of the indecisiveness dawdling about in his grey eyes. The blue specks were calling me – count us, (Y/N), count us – and I concluded this would be the one time I initiated anything between us. It was stressful and scary, but it was Levi, so want overpowered fear, resulting in something we’d have a hard time sorting out our feelings on.

“Watch the movie you so diligently picked for us maybe?” But actions contradicted words because I was leaning in and he could see it. For two whole seconds, there was no movement on his end. Panic was about to make me pull back, pin it to something else, anything else, when his hand lifted, slender fingers gently tucking my hair behind my ear. This was it. It would happen. I was exploring what it’d be like without the guilt of purposefully seeking distraction.

It was slow – the first kiss – his lips barely landing on top of mine so we could taste the water even when we knew it was lukewarm. The movie was like white noise – I could catch fragments of dialogue and the screen illuminated Levi’s profile the few times my lids fluttered open. His hold on the side of my face was gentle, granting permission for me to pull back at any point. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I knew I was barely thinking and it felt nice, for my head to be so blissfully empty. It was all sensations and when he dragged his tongue over my bottom lip, my mouth opened to allow access for further exploration. The kiss deepened and I tried to push closer into him.

“Get on top,” he muttered into my mouth. His right hand dipped to grab my leg. I might’ve flushed bright red, but I still complied, slowly straddling him and letting his hands guide me to where he found it most comfortable. I was terribly aware of what I sat on. It might’ve been terribly aware of me, too.

It was slow and fast at the same time. We weren’t breaking the kiss but some moments of it – like his hand brushing my side and making me cover in goosebumps – were fleeting like blinks while others – like the weird scorching thing in my whole torso – felt endless. It was indescribable to a point, the heat of the moment but the moment was long and the pace was changing slightly the more it went on. It hadn’t been him either. It was him responding to me, because I couldn’t for the life not hold him tightly and subconsciously look for more. We were glued together and his fingers had tentatively pushed up my shirt at the back so they could trail up and down the curve of my spine.

My head was tilted, fingers tangled in his hair and heavy huffs escaping my nostrils. He smelled like lavender and rain and cologne, and my fucking conditioner I’d told him a thousand times to stop using because it was expensive. I didn’t bother scolding him about it now. My desperate want turned the kisses hungrier and there was this point – I might’ve wiggled slightly to find an even closer spot – but he stiffened and grabbed the back of my head, growing twice as persistent and passionate. Weird, using that word about him. It hit me the forbidden part of male anatomy I was seated on top of had risen to attention. It made me wonder if it had happened before and that, in turn, was simultaneously embarrassing and flattering. He was attracted to me, too. Duh. We were literally making out on my bed.

When more began translating as more of everything instead of more of this particular thing, he seemed to sense the shift. His hands guided me off his lap and back on the bed. My head was resting against the pillow and my head was empty, lids fluttering open to drink the sight of him the first time he broke the kiss – pale but handsome, tired but caring, bored but clearly moved by the happening. It was a miracle. I’d been begging for this statue to show me anything in the beginning of his internship. I hadn’t known it could show me this – it looked like a godsend. My heart was going a hundred miles per hour, my breath was unsteady and my body felt hot all over.

It didn’t matter where he kissed – my lips, my neck, my chest, my shoulders – I just wanted him to keep kissing me. Temptation had seldom been this strong and the vow was no longer active, it was fulfilled – an electrifying realisation. I didn’t need to have him stop. What my sinner’s hands did the moment that resolution snapped in place was to grab the hem of his shirt and, with pointed urgent eyes, plead with him to take it off. He hesitated for exactly one second, then complied, like he’d complied with everything else without having me say it. He was kneeling between my legs, arms going over his head so the piece of clothing could be discarded. His chest and abdomen flexed, the biceps, the triceps, all the other names of muscles I’d had to read about but hadn’t memorised. Adonis in the flesh. Fuck me for drooling. Oh.

If I could paint, I’d paint him. If I could sing, I’d write a song. If I had a taser, I’d tase myself out of being so cringe-worthy in admiring the body of a man. But when that body pressed against mine, everything became a bit too hot – literally and metaphorically – so I decided the next step was to cool down by taking off my own clothes. First the shirt, then the pants he helped out with. I almost laughed when they tangled at my ankles and he had to tug them off with an irritated frown. Here it was, having my father’s intern see my bra again. This time I didn’t mind.

“Frills? Seriously?” Well, now I minded.

“Do we have an issue?” I snapped with a pointed look. It didn’t help he was towering over me, sizing up my underwear with eyes that spoke simultaneously of him being amused and him being something else. I wondered if he was still hard. I hadn’t touched there once.

“It’s almost cute,” he mocked flatly. He didn’t reach to take it off – he just leaned down to mollify me with a kiss. It worked. I was carried off into wanting more again. The weight of him on top of me grounded the body and made the soul soar. It was a cringe comparison but whatever, it was true. I realised, right about the time I tugged on the waistband of his sweatpants and his brows flashed in unrestrained surprise, that I was an eighteen-year-old doing exactly what was expected of every single eighteen-year-old on the planet – sneaking a boy into my room while my parents were out.

This here was a boy I trusted and a boy I was halfway convinced was more of a man than a boy, mostly when it came to observing how he casually sat up and removed his sweatpants with precision contrary to clumsiness. My eyes flickered down to his boxers. Still hard alright. There was a rush of excitement and shame all at once when I realised it. A bit too late to stop and pin this a mere heat-of-the-momet make-out session. It was the real deal. Happening. Live. In my room. On a late August evening. Goodness gracious.

It took me a second to process it and he might’ve sensed that I’d grown a bit rigid despite remaining just as active. He didn’t advance the happening, petting my hair and kissing me, and trailing lower, but only as low as he’d gone before, finding the rest a sort of forbidden land. Didn’t even take off the bra with the frills he mocked me for. What a gentleman. He was kissing the curve of my breast and I was wondering how in the fucking hell I’d deserved this.

“We don’t have to,” he warned at some point. “If you don’t want to. Saying no is allowed.” He kissed me and it was intoxicating, but also the last snapped nerve. I arched my back off the bed, elbows bending so my hands could reach for my bra clip. The shoulder straps went loose and Levi paused for a moment to process what the act meant.

“I won’t say it,” I muttered with determination, eyes locked with his. Pride was strong within me even now and, having the wordless consent, he gently took off the bra before paying some attention to newfound territory. It was like being examined in a lab. Again, my boobs weren’t perfect. It was genetics and fate, and whatever else. In being embarrassed about him staring at my chest, I was graced by the thought I hadn’t shaved anywhere. Double embarrassed. Wasn’t it only right that the first time would come with presentability? There go the Raven teachings.

And the word nipple is somewhat lame – I’ve heard it from native and non-native speakers of English both – but there is no other word. So when his tongue rolled around my nipple, I forgot I hadn’t shaved and drew such a sharp breath I almost choked. My chest was heaving and he was thumbing my other nipple. I thought we’d get straight to it and was mistaken. He knew better, it seemed, because a virgin needed the bare minimum of this much and more foreplay to truly relax. It hit me for a fraction that this was actual foreplay while I was staring at the ceiling between trying not to make any sounds. I was like a dead fish, just letting him do things to me. More responsive than a dead fish but awfully inexperienced in any case. It made me feel just a bit guilty. My one saving grace was the fact his erection kept brushing against my leg – and if that was there, then it meant he wasn’t dissatisfied.

It was a black spot for a while because I couldn’t pinpoint between the overwhelming build-up of nice but not nice enough where exactly Levi was kissing or sucking or nipping or touching. Now it would be my thigh, now leaving a hickey on my shoulder, now trailing kisses over my jaw and down my neck, now caressing my side, now trailing a finger down to my navel, now my boob, intermission, the other boob – and the whole time there was that thing in my abdomen, the same one I’d felt with Eren, the hot knot begging for attention.

This was a new person and I hadn’t thought it’d come with a new person, but it was there alongside a brand new dynamic which wasn’t hurried or harsh or overtly passionate like I’d been used to. The pace was decent and steady and passion here didn’t amount to bruises – or at least not explicitly so. The new person made it thrilling, overwhelming. The new person made it a brand new experience. And when the brand new person’s hand gently dipped to touch the part where my legs met, I shivered all over, heart and lady boner flinching at once. Levi, with his obstinacy, refused to ask permission vocally. I still nodded, spreading my legs a bit wider. Slowly, like my panties weren’t in the way, he kissed from my knee to the base of my inner thigh, nipped slightly and made me yelp, and muffled something like a chuckle against the plush of my leg.

I didn’t know what he was thinking. I knew his fingers pressing against the spot where wetness had accumulated made my mouth gape slightly. I craned my neck and closed my eyes. There was embarrassment holding hands with excitement, with pleasure breathing down their necks. Nothing quite mattered. I breathed out like I’d been holding my breath for fourteen minutes when the raven’s fingers gently dragged back and forth against my core and then he might’ve been impatient, because he tugged my underwear out of the way, down my legs, past the knees and the ankles, dropping it with the rest of our clothes and the empty Dorito bag on the floor. It was a whole mess, this thing. I wanted it.

“The house is empty, princess,” he said while leaning down to kiss below my navel.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, almost out of breath in spite of my lungs functioning perfectly. His fingers were ghosting on the side of where I wanted him to touch. His mouth dragged lower. There was the jab of shame about not being shaved again. It hadn’t sent him to his feet and out of the room, so it was probably fine. A man wasn’t afraid to fight the jungle, I’d heard a few times before.

“That you can make noise without being scared,” he responded casually. I snorted and decided inwardly that I wouldn’t be making any noise whatsoever, just to spite him. It did feel good, though, so I doubted I could actually hold back effectively. As though to challenge the unsaid decision, Levi cut the suspense short. When his tongue rested where only one other had before, I came close to whining. My hand shot down to paw at his hair and he hummed against my clit. The vibrations of it made me writhe slightly.

He licked and sucked – nipped twice, which made me yelp both times – and did all sorts of other magic. Added to the title of mind-reader would now be the rank of mage. Then, there was this point when I could feel his fingers prodding at my entrance – a gentle warning of what was to come. First it was one. My mouth gaped and there was a slight flash of something like pain. More like discomfort. Now this was brand new wherever I looked at it from. Remember, my vow had its doors but none had included penetration. Officially the furthest I’d gone with somebody. Goodbye, hymen. You served us well.

He waited. Waited almost a full minute and distracted me with his tongue before I rolled my hips to give him the green light. Slow pumps. It was still uncomfortable, but the friction wasn’t painful. Just uncomfortable and new and I didn’t like change, but when this one found with its finger one particular spot sold off as the Bermuda Triangle for men to find, I might’ve liked this particular change. First, it made me moan. Second, the more he kept reaching that spot – because it was impossible to miss I liked it – the closer I was to coming. There were sloppy sounds and a second finger inserting itself in me, and my voice bouncing off the walls before dropping to the floor in a hush.

I might’ve said his name, actually, I might’ve half-screamed it. The orgasm hit me like a brick dropping straight on my genitals and he kept flicking his tongue slower and slower until I’d ridden it out in full. How considerate. When his fingers came out, there was a spot of blood. My mouth clamped shut in shame. He reached over to clean them with a wet wipe – then he cleaned me, too, because obviously he could see things that were invisible to me. There was slick on his chin and I glared half-heartedly when his eyes twinkled in amusement at me.

“Well, that’s done,” I muttered while he leaned over with the intention to kiss me again. “Wipe your mouth, asshole.” I put a hand to his chest to prevent my own pussy juices from coming in contact with my face. For a clean-freak, he sure didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get them off.

“You don’t want to see how tasty it is?” He was mocking me. I was red and hot all over still, a bit like a deflated balloon being refilled with exasperation contrary to air. No longer a virgin, as far as doctors would care. Still kind of in the middle, considering typical hetero interactions included something more than fingers.

“God, no!” I tried to push at his jaw and he almost chuckled when the pussy juice got on my fingers and I flicked my wrist frantically to get it off.

“It was god, yes a second ago,” he drawled pointedly. I burned bright red under his gaze, naked and not a hymen-bearer and kind of lost as to what came next. I pouted, swatted his shoulder and pretended to be very disgusted when he kissed me, making it open-mouted and sloppy for the sake of spiting me. In truth, it didn’t taste like much. Tasted weird, unlike food and drink. Well, that’s bodily fluids for you.

Remember the right-est choice I made as of late? Here it comes. The kiss guided his fingers down to my clit again and mine – to the band of his boxers. A tug and a snap, and he asked me three whole fucking times if I was sure. Not verbally, of course. It was just the particular way he stopped between each step to make sure, to look at me straight in the eye and have me nod my consent back to him. Like I’d change my mind that fast. God’s sake – if I would’ve said no, I would’ve said it before we’d kissed. But this wasn’t something he would do under normal circumstances – not a matter of alcohol, guilt or duty. It was free will and choice. Mine might’ve been made sometime last month, right around my birthday.

The boxers were gone. I blinked at it. A penis in textbooks, a dick in colloquial speech, a cock in smut books, a member in tame erotica. Length, girth, meat sword, love machine – could go on forever. We sat staring at it like it was an alien and while I was bashful, I was also bad with measurements without the aid of a ruler, hence why I safely concluded that I could stack about four donuts on it and put the zipper on it. There was that thing – precum, was it? – leaking from the tip. In all honesty, no I didn’t want to lick it off. Same went for sperm. In the history of mankind, I’d done the gracious thing and sucked off my boyfriend exactly once – the rest had been handjobs because blowjobs came with terrible pains in the jaw, a cramping of the tongue, a crap salty taste and the awkward detail of looking like an unattractive fish during the act. So, no, I didn’t volunteer to show off how bad I was at it.

“Condoms, shit.” It flew out of my mouth unintentionally. Levi’s face scrunched up. We were both visited by the bitter realisation that going further was not an option anymore, unless he wanted to don on a sock. Then the solution came to me. “Keep it up, I’ll be back in a minute,” I mumbled hurriedly, jumping off the bed and rushing butt-naked out of the room so I could go to my parents’ bedroom. Yeah, no, such was the reality of things. I tried to keep my conscience untainted while rummaging through the wardrobe. The hidden box of condoms in the back by the shoes was the saving grace. I wouldn’t speak of this to a living soul that wasn’t Annie Leonheardt ever.

The moment I returned to the room with the box held proudly over my head, Levi snorted. He laid me on the bed again and the mood returned, which was weird because I’d pinned him the type of experience one moment of interruption and consider it all ruined. Not that I’d thought about him during sex or having sex. I hadn’t. I promise. I was thinking it now, when I was about to have it with him. The kisses eased the natural awkwardness and by the time he was putting it in, I was a desperate mess again. Sweat stuck to skin and my breath got stuck in my throat when he pushed it in. I blanked, gaped like I’d received a headshot and felt him stand still to let me adjust. There was, again, mild discomfort. Fingers couldn’t compare to a dick.

I gave it half a minute and told him to move. The first thrust had me whining into his mouth. It was good. It was good, progressively becoming better and better and better, a surprise arriving with each snap of his hips. My father’s intern having sex with me, my father’s intern, my father’s intern, my intern, my Levi. The first five minutes were full of careful slow strokes to let the awkwardness dissipate and for me to get used to it. I won’t call myself anything but I’ll say I got used to it a bit too fast for comfort. So it went. Losing my virginity to my father’s intern.

“Faster, can you--- a bit faster?” The words were choked out and you’d wonder why I would ask for faster when slow was doing a good job of making my chest heave like I was running a marathon, but it was maddening and addictive.

“I can for you, princess.” It was a rasp against the side of my neck and I was blanking because the voice, paired with the hands, with the scent, with the sensation of being full and empty, then full and empty again was so mind-numbing I could melt on the spot and stay there forever. So slow and careful turned into fast and considerate. There was no harshness in him even when he kneaded my boobs or licked stripes down the length of my throat, no harshness whatsoever when he gripped my thighs or my sides. It was tight, but pleasant, egging me on further.

I bit down on the pillow when he found the spot. I bit his finger, too. I bit his shoulder and I bit my own hand to keep my voice down because how was something on this Earth allowed to be so nice? Fuck. He murmured at me to moan if I felt like it. There was a smug undertone. And when he reached between us to roll circles around my clit, I didn’t moan – I was a banshee impersonator, neck craning, back arching, toes curling, all that jazz. I came with a crash and a bang, and it might’ve been an hour by now, or maybe more, but the neighbourhood was asleep and I was wide awake, trying to wake them up, too.

A five-minute break of kisses served as an intermission to avoid me becoming overstimulated but Levi was still hard and still quite energetic in spite of the fact he’d been fucking me for an overall of thirty minutes without stopping or having his pace hitch. Round two started fast and I had my legs up, knees on the sides of my head. It was hot, seeing him through that kind of frame. Just one bead of sweat on his temple – not sticky all over, unlike me. Why was I the one becoming exhausted anyway? I was being a pillow princess. His eyes were gorgeous and his lips were slightly swollen.

“Please, don’t stop,” I whined at some point. He didn’t seem to have any prospects of stopping anyway, but I couldn’t help it. He huffed, chest heaving with lust and I knew it wasn’t easy to be the one doing all the work, so I mentally gave credit where credit was due. “Oh--- Levi, God!” He seemed like he wanted to laugh and my ring glimmered in the dark against his cheek while I tried to pull him down for a kiss which was simply impossible in our current position. He switched it five minutes later. It was not an understatement to claim I was seeing stars and everything was nice and nothing was awkward and this was the most handsome man with the most stamina on this land.

I lost my voice at some point, or I thought I did because my third orgasm couldn’t make me bite down on the pillow fast enough to muffle the literal holler that left my lungs. His name, by the way. If that hadn’t woken the neighbours, I wasn’t sure anything would. I was recuperating and he was trailing gentle pecks along my neck, still not finished. Was sex always this physically draining? My mind might’ve blanked during the third round and we were in missionary again because I insisted that I be able to kiss him any time I wished to. His hand was holding my wrist captive and the other was massaging my breast and it was all a giant whirlpool of pleasure and heat and fluids – the nasty and the nice in one, but I couldn’t care less about the nasty.

He came with a growl, biting down on my shoulder to muffle something that sounded like my name as his pace hitched and turned sloppy for the first time in what felt like hours. He slumped down on top of me and I was breathing more heavily than him, calmed by the weight. I was blinking at the ceiling and my heart was doing somersaults in my ribcage. He went to shower after a minute of rest, I called him out for being a clean freak and it just so happened that my perception of time wasn’t all too warped because checking my phone made me realise we’d had sex for about three hours, foreplay included. I slipped into the shirt he’d tossed on the floor, wiped myself and very considerately ignored the soreness in my hips while changing the sheets.

To my biggest surprise, he returned to my room in a new pair of boxers with his hair wet. There was no invitation. He joined me on the clean bed and wrapped his arms around me. This might’ve been aftercare. When our gazes locked, I didn’t dare avert my eyes in bashfulness. It was surreal and I wanted to memorise it. Then he asked me again – as voicelessly as the first time and the following ten – and I answered positively by flashing him the biggest smile I could muster. No words were exchanged. Levi rolled his eyes and I tucked myself under his chin, legs tangling with his. I was knocked out cold. I wouldn’t hasten to write this off as a happy ending but I wouldn’t immediately turn it angsty either. I explored. It was nice. I don’t think I regretted it for a second.

Waking up was a surreal experience because it included the added luxury of being bathed in sunlight with a warm arm draped around my midriff and a pale sunlit face inches from mine. A spot of purple in the crook of his neck and a few red crescents on his shoulder. Perhaps one or two leftover scratches on his back. I blinked at the sight incredulously, gradually coming to and realising what this position meant – prompted by last night’s three different ones, too.

It happened! Asshole-me hollered in my head, nearly hysteric, slamming a pan into a bell and making the echo of the toll ring painfully against the confines of my skull. You ruined it all! It was like an automatic switch – suddenly, the neutral was the bad and I had complicated it with my impulsiveness, my stupid hormones. I imagined four months of awkwardness and the wish to have more but being completely incapable of asking for fear it would mean feelings. I pictured a tense atmosphere, uncomfortable interactions, embarrassing thoughts, lame excuses. A friendship built with struggle and just barely reinforced annihilated to smithereens by my dumb ass.

I cringed, removing my hand from Levi’s chest to slap myself across the face for being horrible again – not in using him but in indulging my own selfishness. His eyelids fluttered open before the admonishment transpired and I was staring straight into the melted silver which had the tendency to read my thoughts. The current self-reprimanding cacophony would entertain him.

“… should make you coffee,” he mumbled half-coherently, making me blink wondrously at his hazy composure. This is normal, his eyes whispered, lips pressing nonchalantly to my forehead before he got up, so there’s no need to be so shocked. The trip down the stairs was silent. I had left scratches. More than two.

Currently, we were in the kitchen, sitting around the counter with our mandatory morning drinks. Unsaid words hung from the ceiling like dangling cobwebs. Levi, who’d needed a moment to retrieve his memories in full, was stiff and uncertain, and in spite of that visibly calmer than me. I could feel my face heating up as I thought of what to say. This wasn’t normal, even if both of us upon our respective awakening had pinned it such. It was something we had to discuss but how were we supposed to discuss sex when we sometimes fought over food? Deciding what to do seemed impossible.

“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” The raven, of course, was the one who broke the silence while I was slurping on my coffee, gaze averted and heart beating erratically. “Princess, I’m afraid this is something important,” he said in the face of my silence. His piercing glare was on my temple but I wouldn’t turn, keeping my fingers glued to my cup and my mind grounded in panic. “Need I remind you exactly what happened?” Levi pressed additionally, husky voice raising in audible urgency. I felt completely and utterly naked – dressed in only his shirt and my own underwear.

“We had sex, that’s what happened.” I shrugged, mind preoccupied with the strange feeling eating its way into it. Deep into my stomach, up to my lungs, through the chambers of the heart, in the windpipe – but not painfully. “There’s nothing more to it.” The nonchalant statement didn’t get a warm welcome. That much was to be expected. The attractive intern was frowning, rubbing his temples with a frustrated sigh. I tried not to look at his fingers.

And I’m trying to do just that, asshole-me scoffed pointedly. There’s something different about them when they’ve been inside you last night, yeah? A good type of different. Imagine it. My shoulders tensed as I chased her around in my head with a frying pan. Levi ran a hand through his ebony locks. Wow, is that the sex hair? And I pursed my lips in displeasure, knowing the struggles of the current moment and choosing in spite of them to secretly a wish for a second time. No harm, you know, no harm whatsoever in wanting to fuck your father’s goddamn intern, yeah? No? Can you hear it? Does it sound like a good sentence? Does it?

“Where exactly does your lacking virginity fit into your nothing more to it?” His retort made me cringe, well aware of the virginity ace hidden up his imaginary sleeve. It was a bit harder to argue with him when he was half-naked, letting me see the spots I’d bitten and kissed. The situation: we’d had sex. My side: I had nothing against him being my first because I trusted him and he’d been experienced and careful enough to make it nice. The actual problem: he was my father’s intern.

The abstract part: intimacy often came with, well… intimacy. Casual sex had the advantage of not seeing your partner again afterwards and in our case, we’d had casual sex with somebody we saw daily. Future speculation: tension due to this adventure would brew either discord or twice the ferocity in repeating the adventure. A possible solution: talking about feelings. Additional issue: Levi and I talking about feelings? Not in this day and age. Not in this life either. Telling him he made me feel warm and appreciated? Impossible. Honesty in the face of something embarrassing? Sorry, I don’t know her. She must be really lame.

“Everywhere, because I don’t care for it. It might add complexity to your situation, but it doesn’t play a big role in mine.” Dismissing the whole of it and pinning it on him was wrong. My nonchalance was false. Maybe it was what made him take a deep breath prior to speaking up again, his tea untouched.

“You’re supposed to be freaking out, princess.” His eyes were on mine and asshole-me was screaming: Come on, do it! Just kiss him and make things worse! Go right ahead! I averted my gaze with a snort. He’d used my nickname last night. Added a shade of meaning to it. I tried to get a grip as my rational side reasoned with the situation. This had been a one-time thing – or at least for him. Following that train of thought, wanting more was useless.

“You think I’m not?” It was high-pitched and ludicrous. Memories were surfacing and it was somewhat unpleasant to think they wouldn’t repeat. Levi kissing me in the dark, almost saying my name, clearing the hair from my sweaty forehead, biting my neck as he came, smiling against my lips as I tugged on his hair and tried not to moan, holding me close afterwards, not once saying the wrong thing. “I’m freaking out. You just don’t see it.” My downcast gaze was thoughtful and the air was becoming heavier with something I couldn’t identify. I could feel him staring and it bugged me not to know what he was thinking. “What?” I snapped, refraining from playing with my ring.

“What do you want to do now?” He asked flatly, eyes pinning me in place. “Do you want me to pretend this didn’t happen or do you want us to keep going?” It was ridiculous hearing him say it because, usually, he wouldn’t. I blinked, thinking I’d misheard.

“Keep going as in keep having sex?” I echoed to make sure I’d understood. It might’ve gone out a bit more shocked than expected, which made him sigh.

“I was listing options. In the end, it all comes down to what you want.” The flat voice made me realise I knew what I wanted well enough to have chosen during the conversation with Hanji three days ago or maybe even before I’d had the courage to admit it to myself.

“I don’t know what I want,” I lied with a pointed look, vehement embarrassment clawing up my throat and scratching at the back of it. I could say I wanted to keep going – his offer meant he might be willing – but his response was a fifty-fifty on whether he was sexually frustrated or would rather stick to decorum while living in the same house as the girl he was fucking and her father. I couldn’t turn the question on him because it was mean. I couldn’t call it a mistake because that would be another lie. I was tired of lying when it didn’t go to protect my pride.

“You don’t?” He quirked a thin brow mockingly, feigning the surprise he didn’t feel. “Or you just don’t want to admit your favour the more embarrassing option?” I sat motionless, knowing this wasn’t what I should’ve been doing – considering it. Maybe this was a test he had for me – to see if I’d be dumb or act like a reasonable adult. But (there came that stupid word again) if Hanji had been right, this wasn’t a random hook-up, which meant there might be something and---

Are you seriously considering a relationship with somebody who’s leaving in less than four months? Asshole-me interjected, making me sigh in defeat. Doesn’t fuck randomly, okay, fine, but this is an exception. How in the fucking hell would he grow to like you? You know that’s impossible. Methinks he went along with it because you clearly wanted it. Think about it, he does all sorts of bullshit for you. So what sounds more plausible? Him being himself or him liking you? The former, of course, but I couldn’t admit it. Like I couldn’t admit he was right to say I favoured the more embarrassing option.

“Even if it was like that,” I chose to return the favour and be doubtful, “I’m not inclined to think your morals would let you humour me.” My chin was tipped upwards while Levi shook his head and finally took a sip from his tea. The ghost of a smirk in the corner of his mouth disarmed.

“I have little to nothing against it. But,” (that fucking word again) the firmness of his voice was the only thing keeping my chest from swelling, “it doesn’t sound like an ideal course of action when you’ve almost got yourself a new boyfriend,” he reasoned calmly, somber responsibility lacing his tone.

“It’s not cheating if we’re not official,” I protested instantly, furrowed brows and a pout. He snorted.

“That’s not what I meant, princess.” My lips pursed at the jolt the nickname gave me. “I don’t want sex clouding your judgement. I get Rivers isn’t your boyfriend, but you shouldn’t exclude him as a possibility just because you’ve started thinking you have feelings for me.”

“Besides being a poet, you’ve turned into a psychologist, too,” I exclaimed with a genuinely cheerful chuckle that made him quirk a brow. Something in my throat shrivelled up. “Don’t dwell on my feelings too much, asshole,” I reassured. “I like this because it’s something new, not because I’m head over heels in love with you.” I was still chuckling as he sipped on his tea and fixed me with one of those firm looks that had the ability to bend the knees. The effect was doubled in intensity this morning.

“Make your choice then,” he said boredly, not wishing to be too imperious, seeing as the situation wasn’t taking place in a formal setting where he was the boss and I was the indecisive underling. I might as well have been, with how hot my ears got while I held his gaze, brave and stupid in the face of somebody who read me better than I sometimes read myself.

“I’m not saying it out loud,” I muttered, bashful. The ebony-haired intern watched me struggle before tilting his head to the side with a fake air of oblivion.

“Then I won’t know what you want,” he said innocently, attempting to mock my shyness and what was more – succeeding. I burned bright red, feeling heat creep up my neck and my glare was pointed and uncontrolled. It couldn’t pass as mere annoyance because Levi was hitting a nerve.

“I didn’t see you having a hard time knowing everything I wanted last night, but okay.” There was more spite than sass in the sentence, which only further conveyed my inability to stay nonchalant – something that clearly amused him. “I want us to… keep going. Satisfied?” Crossed arms, downcast gaze and a childish pout. I was the live embodiment of the word petulance and Levi wasn’t done having fun with it.

“Not as satisfied as I clearly left you.” He was smirking and I glared at him, furious and not knowing where the blood would go when there was no space left in my head. I hopped off my chair, turning my back to him and hearing how he moved to stand behind me. A well-meaning hand landed on my shoulder. “It was a joke, princess, there’s no need for the cold shoulder.” His tone was flat and disinterested, but there was a pacifying sliver. He might’ve been trying to make peace but I wouldn’t have it after all the embarrassment he put me through – just to have a good private laugh, too!

“Un-fucking-bearable, that’s what you are,” I hissed, brushing his hand off my shoulder and heading to the staircase in order to escape. He gave chase and set on ignoring the usual code that forbade touchy-touchy when unneeded. The pure and unfiltered imagination one must have in order to picture a shirtless Greek God chasing after a poorly dressed eighteen-year-old spoiled brat was too ambitious a requirement for anybody to fulfil. Turn to mythology for that, but it’s inappropriate there and this one meant well.

“I’ll stop embarrassing you if that’s what you want.” His hands were on my shoulders. He turned me around and I didn’t look at him, much less respond. He could sense I was ashamed. His hands slowly trailed down over my arms to hold my wrists in a grip I could, with effort, free myself from. “Does the mere mention of sex with no context whatsoever embarrass you, princess?” He knew it did, leaning forward with twinkling eyes and a complacent half-smile. “Your face is red.”

“And you’re a fucking genius, congratulations,” I spat with sarcastic disgruntlement. He pulled me forward so that I bumped into his chest. My shoulders jumped in surprise. I didn’t want to look him in the eye but the sight of the marks I’d left on him were no less embarrassing to behold. My heart sped up and I was pouting, flush against him with nowhere to go.

“It speaks,” he whispered by my ear. His hands retraced their steps over my arms and shoulders, gently gliding against the sides of my neck until they held my face. “Does it want to go up to my room?” Blue specks in a pool of melted silver. The question was genuine, in spite of being masked with slight mockery. The adult of us two. I tried to stay mad, but it was impossible. I promised the blue specks I’d count them later and then we were kissing. It was a funny picture – the whole of this situation – ridiculous but somehow not fictional. It was him lifting me off the floor and me wrapping my legs around him. It was him making step after step, steady and careful not to drop me while I snickered into his mouth. It was me being a literal koala and then it was us, hearing the jingle of keys.

“Shit,” I cursed, parting from him with a smack. He let go and I could catch only a glimpse of the panic on his face before I was running up the stairs. I’d barely closed the door behind us when I heard my mother greeting the empty kitchen downstairs. While I breathed out in relief, Levi was already heading to the balcony. It occurred to me that there was a pack of condoms on my nightstand and they were stolen. I’d need to make a trip to the pharmacy and replace the box. Talk about inconvenient. “Careful now,” I piped while the intern was preparing to make the jump, “we don’t want you to fall.” He gave me a half-hearted glare but said nothing.

When he was gone, I plopped down on my bed and grinned incredulously at the ceiling. This “secret sex” thing we were about to dive into wasn’t how I’d imagined the weeks prior to my first year in university, but oh, well. Expect the unexpected and if unable to – just accept it. This officially marked the beginning of my longest stay in City of Dumbassery. It was surprising, however, that I wasn’t alone in there. Twice as surprising that I’d be stuck with my father’s intern. Whom I was having sex with. Amazing. Spectacular. Asshole-me would have my ass for that.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #x reader #levi ackerman imagine #reader insert #levi ackerman x reader #it finally happened #all i'm going to say: i wrote the actual sex scene while editing the rest of the chapter because i was too bashful in the past lol #sure hope it's not worse than the vague three paragraphs of the past #levi is a literal king who preaches consent and safe sex and nobody will change my opinion #also our drama queen is entering a brand new arc of her life #beware: storm incoming

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levithestripper · 5 months

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aspec! levi my beloved

#jack likes to talk #ch: levi ackerman #levi ackerman #attack on titan #look at him and tell me hes NOT some flavor of aroace #if you do youre wrong im sorry

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sugaaz · 1 year

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@animangacreators challenge 3 ★ alphabet challenge [12/26] L: Levi Ackerman

#snkedit #aotedit #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #anisource #shounenedit #fyanimegifs #animangaboys #dailyanimatedgifs #*mz:mine #amc challenges #amcalphabet #ch: levi ackerman #am: shingeki no kyojin

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pasdasin · 3 months

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Entanglement ch 2

levi x reader

summary: walking home is crazy 😭

cw: cussing, violence, bad grammar, didn't proofread

a/n: i forgot to mention that I aged down Levi to 26 so the story made more sense 💀

previous -- next

read under the cut

The walk home after your shift felt more heavy than usual. Someone was targeting you and the man you thought was dead. How naive to believe that Levi could truly die. The more you pondered his existence, the possibility of his life, the cruelty he bestowed upon you, the rage in your heart grew. How dare he forget all about you, about the life he left behind. Levi Ackerman was a cruel man but the man you had once loved. The man you had mourned for years. The only one for you. You clenched your fists as you approached your house, the house you had shared with your closest friends. Looking up at your window you noticed movement inside. Your eyes widened and panic filled your bones. You carefully creeped up the stairs as you slid the knife you kept on your garter into your hand. You listened to the commotion inside, they all seemed distracted now was your moment.

Without hesitation you kicked the door and grabbed the nearest person, holding the knife dangerously close to their jugular.

“I don’t care who you are if you make one more move I will slit this person’s throat and kill all of you,” You growled out, pushing the knife further into them.

“Yeah guys please don’t move,” your captive said quickly, fear lacing their voice. Time seemed at a stand still until you heard him exit your once shared room. Levi?

Losing your focus for a second, the person in your grasp quickly overpowered you and pinned you to the ground. You gasped for air and looked up to see that your eyes didn’t deceive you. In front of you stood Levi Ackerman, the man who left you for dead.

----

A couple days before

Levi stood in front of his squad trying to find the right words to say. How could he explain what was going on without him giving up all of his personal life. Levi had always valued his privacy. The idea of oversharing made him feel sick to his stomach. He finally looked up to meet the gazes of his squad and cleared his throat.

“Someone is targeting the Survey Corps, and more specifically the people I care about,” he paused, biting his tongue. The whole speech felt so gut wretching to make. “I received a box in the mail with a now confirmed human heart inside it and a note. In short terms we are all in danger. I have already been ordered by Erwin to fall back and hide out while we figure out a new plan. We will be staying in my… old home. We leave in a few hours. Only pack the necessities.” Levi dismissed the group of teens before turning to look out the window. Guilt was eating him alive. How could he return home after all that he worked for on the surface. After everything he had to leave behind.

As the squad started their journey to the underground entrance, they all grew excited to see where Levi had lived. Jean had assumed it must be a place near nobility, Sasha hoped the food would be so good that she could die happy. But when they entered the capital, instead of seeing the beautiful homes of the nobles, the squad approached the entrance to the underground.

“Listen closely brats,don’t interact with anyone first, if you are in trouble and I’m not there, fight to kill. I told you before we are fighting humans now. Don’t drop your guard for a second.” Levi looked at everyone before starting the descent into the underground city.

The familiar atmosphere of his childhood seemed forgein to him now. The walk to his house, however, felt like second nature. It had only been a little less that seven years since he ran these streets and since his life changed forever. What must’ve felt like forever to the rest of his squad, felt like a second to him. Looking up at his old home, he felt cemented into the ground. The thought of you being alive made his heart skipped a beat. Subconsciously he walked towards the door and turned the handle to find it unlocked.

Holding his breath, he opened the door and felt everything rush back to him. The rest of his team filled the room and started to settle down while he just stood. Everything was exactly the same as the day he left, expect for a few new pictures that hung on the walls. On one of the shelves stood only four pictures, a result from some weird device they had stolen from some mega rich pig. Pictures of his friends stared him down and in that moment he felt helpless.

“Um Captain?” Levi broke out of his trance and looked to Armin. “Where should we settle our stuff?”

“Let me check the house first before we get comfortable, we don’t want to be caught here.” Levi the walked towards the back rooms of the house. With newfound privacy, Levi felt tears threaten to fall down his cheeks as he ventured into the bedrooms. The way they managed to find a three bedroom and afford it was beyond him. The two rooms that once belonged to his closest companions only had cots and a rack for clothes, the master bedroom actually had a bed, a nicer one than he remembered and looked lived in. He entered the room and saw the only confirmation he needed to see that the letter was true. The necklace he had stolen from some noble’s wife sat on the bedside table. The necklace he gave to you.

He was pulled out of this thoughts when a commotion happened in the living room. Levi quickly rushed to see what happened only to see you go down and meet his gaze.

“y/n…”

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi aot #levi x reader

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cephei-ea · 11 months

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Masterlist

Here is my character list again (because I’m aware that the links are half broken): Character List

Genres:

F= fluff

A= angst

N= nsfw

S= smut

C= comfort

H= hurt

Categories:

ima= imagine

one= oneshot

fic= fic (multiple chapters)

drb= drabble

au= alternate universe

hc= headcannons

_______________

ATTACK ON TITAN

Levi Ackerman

Levi x reader - Reflection (one - a, h)

FAIRYTAIL

Natsu Dragneel

Natsu x Lucy - Golden Scales (drb - h/c, a)

Lucy Heartfilia

Natsu x Lucy - Golden Scales (drb - h/c, a)

FINAL FANTASY VII

Cloud Strife

Cloud x reader - Fluff Alphabet (hc/drb - f)

TALE OF THE NINE TAILED

Lee Rang

Lee Rang x reader - Green Juice (one - a, h/c, f)

MOB PSYCHO 100

Shigeo Kageyama (Mob)

Mob x reader - Disbelief (ima - a)

GENSHIN IMPACT

Diluc Ragnvindr (DNH)

Diluc x reader - Hydro Abyss Mage (ima - a)

Diluc, Scaramouche, Xiao, Ch*lde, Kaeya - Reaction To Your Pregnancy (Individual) (fic/hc - f, a)

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt1 (hc/drb - a)

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt2 (drb - a, h/c)

Kaeya Alberich

Diluc, Scaramouche, Xiao, Ch*lde, Kaeya - Reaction To Your Pregnancy (Individual) (fic/hc - f, a)

Scaramouche (Balladeer/Wanderer)

Diluc, Scaramouche, Xiao, Ch*lde, Kaeya - Reaction To Your Pregnancy (Individual) (fic/hc - f, a)

Ch*lde (Tartaglia)

Diluc, Scaramouche, Xiao, Ch*lde, Kaeya - Reaction To Your Pregnancy (Individual) (fic/hc - f, a)

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt1 (hc/drb - a)

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt2 (drb - a, h/c)

Dainsleif

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt1 (hc/drb - a)

Diluc, Ch*lde, Dainsleif - Argument Pt2 (drb - a, h/c)

Xiao

Diluc, Scaramouche, Xiao, Ch*lde, Kaeya - Reaction To Your Pregnancy (Individual) (fic/hc - f, a)

UNORDINARY

Arlo (Asslo)

Arlo x reader - Chores (one - a, c)

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animereaderinsertwriter · 1 year

Text

Previous - Chapter 3- Series Masterlist - ao3

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Tags/Warnings: romance, smut, light angst, strangers to lovers to disgustingly in love, medic!reader

Word Count: 25k

tag list: @kurxxmi , @jorbinx

After retaking Wall Maria

After the battle to retake Wall Maria, (Y/N) wasn't sure which was worse: the insidious whisperings of the masses, always somewhere between fact and falsehood, or the pure and unadulterated truth.

"They say those soldiers came back wrong," came the whispers, the hiss of them overtaking the usual buzz of the marketplace as (Y/N) passed. "They say they sent their comrades to slaughter to retake the wall, and now they're as good as monsters themselves, good only for bloodshed."

Of course, there were other whispers— "How brave and valiant!", "So few returned, but those who died did so in victory!", "Humanity has hope!"— but (Y/N) knew the truth. The truth was all those whisperings and more; it was a new era, with the deaths of hundreds as its harbinger. The weight of that fact settled heavily on her shoulders even as her daily duties remained the same, making the days in the infirmary feel hours longer than they were. Day after day, her mind wandered to what was to come, and she found herself more tired, more burdened than ever.

Levi's continued absence only served to further exacerbate the effects of (Y/N)'s heavy heart, such that it was.

Following the battle, Levi wasn't in touch for several days. (Y/N) wasn't worried, since word had reached her that he had escaped unscathed— he would come to her when he was ready, not before— but she didn't know what to expect from him once he did get in touch. Levi had lost so much in such a short period of time… Would he be despondent, so sad and heavy-laden with care that he could hardly speak? Or would he be angry at the unfairness of it all, lashing out just to feel something? It was even possible that he might try to go on as if nothing had happened, despite the undercurrent of overwhelming sorrow he must surely feel…

(Y/N) didn't know which it would be, and had no way to tell. Perhaps that— the not-knowing— was the worst of all her troubles.

When correspondence from Levi did finally arrive, (Y/N) had thought she would feel a bit of relief, if not sheer happiness; alas, as she opened the letter he had penned, she felt only reluctance and anxiety which was only exacerbated by the clipped, vague contents enclosed. The letter read,

'Bright-eyes,

Saturday, 4:00 p.m. Be dressed and waiting for me, I'll be by to pick you up. The dress for the ceremony is formal.

All my love,

Levi.'

The note didn't settle well with her in the least.

Vague and clipped— and presumptuous, if she did say so herself— it was indeed.

'Who does he think he is,' she thought to herself as she read and reread the note, fighting the urge to wad it up into a tiny little ball, 'Commanding me to make myself ready for him without so much as a "by your leave" or a "how do you fare"? Not a word of explanation, not a single note since the battle besides this one, and he expects me to jump when he says jump? Ridiculous!'

No matter her feelings on the subject, however, (Y/N) knew that her hurt was talking over her head; which was why, seeing as how it was Wednesday, she at once began frantically searching her closet for something that might render her presentable for a formal event.

"Formal," she muttered to herself, digging through drawer after drawer. "What do I have that's formal?"

After much digging, cursing, and near-rending of cloth, (Y/N) finally found the one acceptable dress she owned— one that her father had bought her after she graduated from the Academy of Medicine— and tried it on to see if it would still fit. Fortunately, it still fit well enough despite being tight in places that it hadn't been before and loose yet in others, and as she studied it, she was reminded of how fine a dress it truly was.

Made of silk and tulle, the gown was a study in champagne-gold; the neckline dipped into a flattering sweetheart shape, and sheer netting allowed (Y/N) the comfort of coverage from her neck all the way down to the sleeves that stopped at her forearm, and added the pleasing aesthetic of intricate beading over her exposed skin. It was truly a flattering garment, and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel like a child playing dress-up.

"It'll have to do," she said, smiling at her reflection and then wincing at the pinch of the underwire in her strapless bra. "After all, it's such short notice, and I haven't got anything else so nice."

But what if it was too nice?

Levi had given no indication of how formal was formal , so (Y/N) had no way to know if she would look like an equal, a peer to the other guests, or a gaudy, two-bit tramp in her nicest dress. Once again, it was endlessly frustrating, the not-knowing; if Levi had been standing before her, she might have taken him by the shoulders and shook him until his teeth rattled.

Unfortunately, however, Levi was nowhere to be found, and time waited for no one. Before (YN) knew it, Saturday was upon her, and it was with a vague sense of trepidation that she shrugged, twisted, and pulled her way into the gown, still unsure as to whether or not her attire— or her presence at the ceremony at all— was appropriate.

"Shit, fire, and damnation," she swore as she twisted and contorted herself painfully to try and wiggle the zipper into the correct position at her nape. "I'll never wear this stupid thing again if I can get it on this one last time!"

When (Y/N) did finally get the dress on, she might have crowed for joy, if only that hadn't been the exact moment that she realized she had forgotten to do her makeup before getting dressed in order to keep the dress safe from makeup-related mishaps.

"I'll just be careful," she told herself as she looked at her box labeled 'war paint.' "Very, very careful."

And she was.

With great caution, she applied soft shades of browns and golds, lining here, shadowing there; as gently as she could, she glossed her lips, tinting them ever-so-slightly so that they looked freshly-kissed, but no more. To finish the look, (Y/N) clasped the locket Levi had given her around her neck and fastened the emerald earrings that matched it in her ears, allowing the weight of them to settle easily on her skin.

"Perfect," she muttered, smoothing her gown as well as she could. "Let's have a look, then…"

As (Y/N) stepped back to get a full view of herself in the mirror, she half-expected to see a reflection of the anticipation and anxiety that had burrowed itself in her gut; what she found there, however, was the farthest thing possible from the meek, miserable critter that she felt she was.

"I'm beautiful," she said to herself, touching her cheek as though to make sure her reflection would follow the movement. To her surprise, it did. "I really am beautiful."

And she was.

Once she slipped her feet into a pair of soft, probably once-white slippers (they were a sort of cream now, after years of use, but they were comfortable and who was looking at her feet anyways?), there was nothing to do but wait for Levi to arrive and hope she didn't wrinkle the hell out of her pretty outfit when she eventually gave in and sat on her couch.

The things we do for love, she thought to herself as her the underwire in her strapless bra began to seek blood. He'd better hurry, or I'm going to take all this garb off and take a nap.

***

After what had happened on the battlefield that Shiganshina had become, Levi hadn't thought anything could surprise him. Erwin's death, the uninhibited slaughter of over half of the corps, the secrets found in Grisha's journal— it had taken away his capacity for shock. All that was left was bland, dispassionate acceptance of facts as they were presented, and a world of faded grays.

At least, that's what Levi thought up until the very minute (Y/N) opened her door, and it was like he was seeing in color again for the first time.

"Hi," she said, blinking at him with wide eyes peeking through thick, lengthened lashes, and his voice died in his throat.

(Y/N) was truly resplendent. Her eyes— so bright that he felt blinded by them— were enhanced by subtle shadows and shimmers from makeup, and her lips glistened sweetly with color as though they'd just been kissed. Her breasts, though mostly covered by the neckline of her dress, rose and fell as she breathed, belying her composed exterior, and it was all he could do to keep himself from pushing her back inside and undoing all her hard work.

"Levi?"

Worry bled through her tone then, and Levi could have punched himself for being struck dumb in a moment where she would need the most reassurance.

"Uh… sorry, bright-eyes," he said, reaching forward to place a hand on her cheek, and he was concerned to note the undercurrent of sadness in her expression. "I was just— things are—"

Levi sighed, then started again.

"You're beautiful," he said, and he knew he'd finally gotten it right as a hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth. "You're beautiful, and I was speechless. You look like a queen."

"You're not so bad yourself," she replied softly, running a hand over the starched fabric of his formal wear. "Handsome as ever, not a hair out of place— and I like that color on you."

Levi wanted to want to laugh, but it felt just out of his reach.

"Thank you," he said, his hand lazily falling from her cheek to trace the curl of beading just above her breast. His hand— and his eyes— lingered there for quite a while before he remembered himself and drew away. "We should probably get going. Don't want to be late for the award ceremony."

"You never did explain exactly what all this was about." (Y/N)'s voice was deceptively light as she took the arm he offered her, and Levi knew she expected some answers.

"They're giving the survivors an award… there will be a dedication for the deceased, and a dinner to follow."

(Y/N) nodded, seemingly satisfied, and they continued to where Levi had a carriage waiting for them. He opened the door for her, and after the slightly amusing affair of gathering her dress and stuffing it in the carriage alongside her, they both managed to find their seats and signal for the driver to take them on to where the ceremony would take place.

"I didn't really think about the logistics of travel in this thing," (Y/N) commented, gracing Levi with one of her adorably embarrassed smiles. "Half of it is in your lap."

Indeed, Levi had a face full of tulle, casting a golden haze over anything he had hoped to see, but it was entirely worth it.

"You can blame my lack of foresight," he said, as close to teasing as he could manage. "I should have thought to fetch two carriages, one for us and the other for your dress."

(Y/N) laughed at that, really laughed. It was the most wonderful sound Levi had ever heard, and he found himself overcome with emotion at the happiness the sound of her joy granted him.

He had never done anything to deserve this woman, not one thing in his whole miserable life; and yet he had lived, he had survived to come back to her, to have her and to hold her and to love her. Those men that had made their final stand with Erwin… they had sweethearts. They had families. They had lives… but none of them got to make it home.

Levi grit his teeth against the burning in his nose and the prickling of his eyes.

"Oh, my love," (Y/N) sighed, her laughter still coloring her voice. "Why are you upset?"

Levi froze. He knew his face hadn't betrayed his feelings, and he was certain he hadn't made even the slightest sound so as to give her any ideas…

"Levi, I can tell when you're in the mood for a fuck from a mile away when the wind's fair… you think I can't practically hear your teeth grinding from the other side of the carriage?"

"My little enchantress has learned telepathy now, has she?" he asked, trying and failing to keep the thickness out of his voice. "How wicked of you."

She sighed, though it sounded fond. "Not telepathy. Empathy, Levi."

Empathy. Could she really empathize with him when he hardly knew his own feelings?

"Let's make it through this damned pomp and circumstance, and I swear I'll tell you everything," he said, hoping the desperation he felt didn't bleed through his voice. "I just need to hold everything together until then. After that, I'm all yours."

"Of course," (Y/N) replied, her voice soothing as her delicate slipper brushed his ankle. "Anything you need, I'll be here for."

The rest of their ride was silent, but Levi was comforted by (Y/N)'s words of assurance more than he would have been by further conversation. 'Of course,' she'd said, as though it were never a question, as though she was nearly hurt that he'd considered it might be one; 'Anything,' she'd said, as though she really, truly meant anything at all. Not for the first time that day, he found himself longing for the moment he and (Y/N) were alone, shut away from the world… even if that moment would present its own challenges.

When the carriage finally stopped, it was another mildly amusing affair to extract (Y/N) and her dress without wrinkling it or letting it snag on anything. It took a bit of work, but eventually she made it out, laughing all the way. Her joy was infectious, and the moment she turned a smile as bright as summer sunshine on him, Levi knew it had been worth the cramped ride to see her looking and feeling so lovely.

"Shall we?" he asked, his spirit renewed, and (Y/N) linked her arm with his and allowed him to escort her onwards.

More than ever, Levi was glad to have (Y/N) at his side in the interlude of socialization between their arrival and the beginning of the ceremony; her presence grounded him, gave him strength, and as others began to arrive, her talent for holding a polite and intriguing conversation about nothing at all was a true blessing. Levi wasn't required to do much more than nod and speak an occasional greeting the entire time, and once more he found himself entirely grateful to (Y/N) for being nothing less than perfect.

Thank you, bright-eyes, he thought as he watched her charm everyone around them with both her beauty and her wit. You might not be wearing the crown today, but you really are a queen among women.

Even when Levi was expected to present himself to the queen— to Historia— for the ceremony, (Y/N) was his anchor in treacherous waters, despite not being directly at his side. When it was time for him to leave her, she pressed a kiss to his cheek as he went. To anyone else, it would seem to be just that— a kiss, nothing more— but before she pulled away, (Y/N) whispered the tiniest of encouragements against his skin, a flame to warm him against the freezing cold of the world around him:

"For the fallen," she said, echoing the same words she'd proclaimed to a crowd the night that they first met, and he understood what the words meant from the moment of their utterance.

They would do this— he would do this— suffer the indignity of honor and recognition for blind fucking chance, accept an award that he hadn't earned with any true merit. He would do it because the fallen could not. In their stead, he would accept the honor and the fame and the glory, and he would dedicate it to each and every one of them in his heart.

I'm going to marry her, he thought not for the first time as he took his place, kneeling before his monarch. If we survive the hell that is coming down the pipeline, and if she'll have me, I'll marry her and build that little cottage just for us, and if anything comes to disturb us…

Well, we'll make do.

***

The evening passed more quickly than it had a right to. There was a meal, some dancing, and more wine than (Y/N) thought strictly appropriate, but overall, it was exactly as one would expect— stiff, formal, and mournfully pensive. (Y/N) navigated the environment well enough for one who had little experience with such, and had Levi not felt so strange and distant while standing next to her, she might have even been able to relax. As it was, though, Levi seemed to her a fraction of a second away from a meltdown in the middle of the dining hall, and as soon as (Y/N) thought it appropriate, she leaned over to whisper her thoughts in Levi’s ear.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” she asked, her fingers trailing over his arm as she spoke. “I’m feeling a bit tired.”

(Y/N) couldn’t have slept if someone had whacked her unconscious with a crowbar, but what Levi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“Sure,” he replied, and his hand settled over hers, rough, warm, and reassuring. “Just let me say some goodbyes.”

With that, he stood from his seat. (Y/N) made to follow him, but as she walked past a group of chatting officials, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm. When (Y/N) turned to see who had touched her, she found herself face-to-face with a young woman with brown hair, glasses, and an eyepatch.

“Hange-san,” (Y/N) greeted her, dipping her head in recognition. “You have my congratulations and condolences on your promotion. I understand that Erwin was a dear friend to both you and Levi, and I’m sorry for his passing.”

“Ah, so you know me,” Hange said in reply, her expression a strange mix of happiness and the deepest sorrow. “By the company you’ve kept tonight and what I’ve heard from Levi, you must be the precious (Y/N) that our favorite pesky captain has managed to keep locked away in some ivory tower— one far away from the carnivorous Scouting Legion, anyways.”

(Y/N) smiled. “I don’t know about that, but yes, I’m (Y/N). I’ve been begging Levi to introduce me to you for ages, but for some reason, he keeps putting it off.”

“I’m not surprised at all,” Hange chuckled, but her eyes remained just the smallest bit sad. “He’s secretive like that about things that are precious to him.”

(Y/N)’s heart thumped painfully in her chest, but Hange wasn’t finished.

“I wanted to thank you for being there for him,” she continued, watching on as Levi spoke to a few others, presumably saying farewells. “He’s not easy when he’s like this, but having someone that understands him takes a bit of the burden from his shoulders. I saw how you guided conversations, taking control of what was said and speaking in his stead when things got uncomfortable— you can’t possibly know how much that meant to him. He hates useless small talk and face-saving, and for you to offer him a reprieve from that is huge.”

(Y/N) couldn’t help it; she blushed.

“No need to thank me, really,” she said. “I just did what I thought was appropriate.”

Hange grinned. “If you say so.”

Across the way, Levi looked back at (Y/N) and motioned for her to come to him. (Y/N) turned back to Hange, ready to make her excuses and join her lover, but Hange spoke first, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Take care of him,” she said, her expression unreadable. “He has a heavy load. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if you will shoulder some of it yourself, I will be forever indebted to you.”

(Y/N) nodded. “I’ll do everything I can,” she promised, looking over to an impatient Levi. “You don’t have to worry; he’ll be just fine.”

"Go to him," Hange replied, her hand falling away from (Y/N)'s shoulder. "Whatever he needs, make sure he has it."

"Of course. Goodbye, Hange-san," (Y/N) said, smiling lightly as she went. "It was nice to meet you."

"Likewise," was Hange's farewell, and then (Y/N) was arm-in-arm with Levi, who curled his hand possessively around her bicep.

"You always get into so much trouble when I'm not around," he said as they stepped out into the street.

"Trouble?" (Y/N) laughed, moving her hip to bump his. "I was only getting acquainted with Hange-san, whom you have refused to let me meet until tonight."

Levi grunted. "So I saw. What did she say?"

(Y/N)'s mind raced to come up with a plausible lie.

"Ah, she just wanted to say hi."

Levi turned a look on her that could have drained the ocean, but there was humor in his eyes.

"If you didn't want to tell me, you could have just said."

"Oh, alright, she stopped me to tell me about her plan for world domination,” (Y/N) teased, and Levi graced her with a sad little smile that she wanted to capture in a bottle and keep to herself forever. “I didn’t tell you because she plans to off you soon, since you pose a threat to her reign as Supreme Leader.”

“You’re outrageous,” he said, guiding her to where they would wait for their carriage. “What am I to do with you?”

(Y/N) raised her eyebrows. “Hug me, love me, squeeze me, and spank me when I’m bad?”

“Don’t make suggestions you don’t intend to be taken seriously, bright-eyes— I may spank you yet for that mouth of yours.”

Before the conversation could go any further, the carriage was pulled around, stopping directly in front of them, and Levi stepped forward to open the door for (Y/N) to enter. Thankfully, prior experience proved a great teacher for the matter of (Y/N)’s dress; they were able to stuff (Y/N), her dress, and her captain all in the same carriage once more with relative ease, and before long, they were on their way back to (Y/N)’s apartment, where she knew Levi would want to pass the night.

Between the two of them, she thought, they would probably polish off the last of her whiskey, staying up and talking things through, and then once all had been said, they would let their bodies speak for them. Perhaps it was wrong that she longed for that portion of the evening— where they were laid bare, body and soul— more than the talking, more than starting the path to processing the massive grief that followed humanity like a thunderhead, but in the time that Levi had been gone, she had missed him terribly, and she couldn’t help but want the reassurance of his hands and mouth on her body.

“You’re thinking very loudly tonight, bright-eyes,” he told her as the carriage began to roll to a halt.

“Sorry,” she replied sheepishly, mashing down her dress so that Levi could reach the door handle of the carriage. “I can’t help it. After all, there is a lot to think about these days.”

“No need for an apology,” he murmured as he helped her down, pulling her close as the carriage took its leave. “In fact, I’d love to hear what thoughts you’d like to share aloud.”

There was a familiar heat in those fathomless gray eyes, and (Y/N) knew he was thinking the same thing she was.

“Why don’t we skip to dessert?” she asked, tugging lightly at his uniform jacket. “I’ve missed you, my captain.”

“And I’ve missed you,” he said, and then the time for talking had passed, their mouths occupied with other, more important work.

Never had they shown such affection publicly, but it seemed that Levi had found cause to cast caution into the wind and kiss her breathless in the middle of the street. It was no gentleman’s kiss either— rather, it was one of filthy promise and wandering hands— but (Y/N) didn’t have it within her to be embarrassed of it, or care one way or the other whether or not anyone was watching. All she wanted was to touch and to be touched, and if they could make it to her apartment door without breaking their necks, she knew that they wouldn’t make it to the bedroom.

“Where is your key?” Levi asked, resting his forehead against hers as her back finally hit the cold metal of her door. “Please don’t tell me you've lost it again.”

(Y/N) certainly had not lost her key again. She had very much learned her lesson a few weeks prior when she’d lost it the first time; she and Levi had waited outside for an hour before her landlord showed up, and then Levi had made sure to give her some appreciation for the act of waiting as he’d edged her for what felt like an eternity until she could give a satisfactory answer for where the damn thing probably was.

“I’ll give you one guess,” she said, pressing one of his hands to her breast, and he grinned as he felt the imprint of it through her clothes.

“And how am I supposed to get to it through all that netting?” he asked, pressing slightly harder against her breast— right against her nipple— sending electricity down her spine.

“I suppose you’ll have to unzip me,” she replied, turning so that he could reach. “Gently, though, the fabric tears easily.”

(Y/N) needn’t have worried. Levi’s hands were warm and tender against the skin of her back as he worked the zipper, and once it was down, his pleasantly calloused hands circled her to grip each breast.

“Perfect,” he said, pressing kisses to her neck as his right hand found the key. “Absolutely perfect.”

As (Y/N) predicted, they didn’t make it anywhere near the bedroom before their clothes came off. As soon as they door was shut behind them, Levi was unzipping her dress further and helping her step out of it. Shortly after, Levi’s jacket went missing, followed by his shirt, his belt, and his pants. Eventually, they were both entirely naked and writhing against each other on (Y/N)’s plush carpet, and when Levi entered her— holding her hips up to have her opening meet his cock as he knelt— she hardly knew which way was up.

“The picture you make right now,” he said, his thumb stroking her hip almost lazily as he rocked into her. “You’re a vision.”

He was one to talk. Naked above her, he made quite a picture. If it weren’t for the heat of his touch, the flush on his cheeks and chest, and the wet redness of his lips where she had sucked and bit at them, (Y/N) might have wondered if he weren’t hewn from marble. His hair was falling into his eyes as he watched her watching him, and when he supported her hips using only one hand to brush those inky black strands from his face, she nearly came on the spot.

“Levi,” she panted, her breasts jiggling with the force of his thrusts, “I love you. I love you so much, I— oh. ”

“I love you too, my bright-eyes,” he said, and his thrusts quickened as he chased their pleasure. “More than anything.”

However much (Y/N) might have wanted to stay there forever, drunk on the feeling of the magnificent cock and the man attached to it making love to her, all good things must come to an end— in this case, literally. Levi gave her warning only in the way he threw his head back, immersed in the sensations she pulled form him, and he spilled inside her, grinding his cock in and in and in even as his orgasm ended, relishing in the feel of her around him. Ever the considerate lover, when using his poor, spent cock became too much, Levi replaced it with four fingers and his mouth on her clit, and it wasn’t long before she was clenching around him and crying out his name like it was a supplication.

“I’m going to have carpet burn on my knees,” he sighed, stroking idly at her inner thigh, his head and shoulders framed by her knees as they came down from the high of their first round of the evening.

“But not on your cock, so be thankful for the little things.”

“Oi, my cock is plenty big.”

(Y/N) giggled. “That’s so not what I meant. It’s not like you heard me complaining earlier.”

“You wouldn’t, you wicked thing. You wouldn’t say a word, you’d only lie there and laugh at me internally.”

(Y/N) vehemently denied it— no one would dare laugh at the esteemed Levi-heichou— but her laughter might have made her response seem less credible. As it was, Levi rolled his eyes and kissed her knee before moving to stretch out beside her, choosing to reach out and play with a strand of her hair rather than tease her further. They lay like that for a while, basking in the afterglow and each other's company, but the moment was soon to fade as Levi's expression changed from warm happiness to a distant sort of pensive.

"I have something to ask of you, bright-eyes," he told her, rolling to his side to see her more clearly. "It's something that I have no right to ask, but I have always been a selfish man when it comes to you."

(Y/N) reached hand out to his chest, and laid it flat to feel his beating heart. His skin was soft and warm beneath her touch, and he looked as soothed by the action as she felt.

"Just ask," she said, her stomach fluttering in anticipation. "If I can give it, it's yours."

Levi looked away. "Don't be so quick to agree before you know what I'm going to say."

(Y/N) frowned.

"Levi, what is it?"

"I want you to go back to the farm with your father for a while."

The words landed like a slap to the face. (Y/N) sat bolt upright, indignation in her heart and probably on her face, but Levi's hand shot out to catch her wrist, keeping her from moving away entirely.

"That came out a little wrong," he said, his eyes pleading. "It's just… there are things I can't tell you, and it's not safe here— not for you or anyone else. Change is coming, and danger nips at its heels."

"So you want me to run away?" she demanded, her hurt and fear threatening to choke her. "You want to send me away and lock me up in an ivory tower like some sort of princess who can't get her hands dirty—"

Levi cut her off, his expression shuttering closed. "I want you to live."

(Y/N) thought back to the world she had come from, mucking the stables and feeding the horses, arranged marriages and no say in what she wore or how she lived, and she knew she couldn't do it.

"I am living," she said, drawing her legs to her chest. "To go back would be like dying."

"Eren Jaeger is dangerous and completely unpredictable. I won't have the woman I love waiting here like a sitting duck for him to fly off the handle and bright the fight here—"

"What fight?" (Y/N) demanded. "We're literally behind three walls and we have the hole in Wall Maria plugged up! What more can titans do to us now that we've finally begun to win?"

Levi's expression darkened. He looked as though he was considering something that he knew better than to say but would say anyways, and when he opened his mouth for a rebuttal, (Y/N) knew that her estimation had been correct.

"The fight isn't against titans anymore," he said, his eyes boring into hers. "It's with the nations— the many and powerful nations— that exist outside of this island. They hate us, these nations, though one more hates us more than all the others. Titans— or rather using titan spinal fluid to change those of our bloodline into titans— were that nation's attempt at wiping us all from the face of the earth."

(Y/N) felt the color drain from her face. "Genocide? Who would do such a thing?"

"The nation known as Marley," Levi replied. "We know nothing about them except that they apparently hate us. It's the same situation all over again for the Survey Corps, this time with Hange and myself at the head— we'll no doubt be venturing into unknown lands if we can reach them, infiltrating Marley to try and understand them the same way we did the titans."

(Y/N) was reeling. "My God. This is unbelievable."

Levi shook his head. "That doesn't make it less true, or the threat of Eren's desire for vengeance less real. If he decides to make a move before Paradis is ready, it could mean our downfall. At this point, I'm not sure if I could even stop him."

"No, not that. It's unbelievable that you want to rush headlong into danger, into a nation that would rather have you and everyone else squashed into a giant bloodstain while you're asking me to go hide myself away instead of staying at my job and my home— where I'm needed, where I can make a difference."

At that, Levi looked pained. "I know. I told you, I'm a selfish man. It's in my nature to want to protect you at any cost… but I understand if you can't, or won't. Realistically, we could all be dead by tomorrow and no one would be the wiser, but I—"

He paused, looking away.

"I want to keep you safe until I can buy us that plot of land in the middle of nowhere, build that cottage for us to live in, and put a ring on your finger for everyone to see, if you'd have it."

(Y/N) was speechless.

"You… you would want to marry me?" she choked out, finding her voice again.

At that, Levi gave her a reluctant little smile. "Who else?"

An idea dawned on (Y/N).

"Levi— this is a lot to process right now, and I—"

He held a hand up. "Take all the time you need to think, there's no rush on this— on any of it— right now."

"No, you don't understand," she said, a smile growing on her face. "There is a way that this can work. All it will take is a little compromise."

The concept, as she explained to Levi, was simple. (Y/N)'s father was a man of tradition whose only goal was to see his daughter situated in a fine marital match so that she could live out her days in peace and comfort, and therein lay the solution. Were (Y/N) to find a suitable match on her own and enter into an engagement, she would then become the tentative property of her fiance— in this case, Levi— in her father's eyes, and that was over half the battle with returning home. The rest (Y/N) could fight for herself.

"But, naturally we don't have to do anything rash," she said, uncertainty creeping into her tone. "And I won't leave while you're still here. If you aren't comfortable with that, we can fake the engagement, or just forgo the plan altogether, I guess, I don't really—"

Levi stopped her with a hand to her cheek and a soft smile.

"Why would I ever want to fake such a thing?" he asked, and (Y/N) flushed. "I love you. I think I loved you from the moment I saw you. There is no disadvantage to this, not for me."

"Then I suppose that's what we'll do," (Y/N) said, and Levi pulled her close to rest her head on his shoulder. "Things will be the same until you leave for Marley, and then you'll go and I'll head out to my father's. And from there… well, I guess we'll make do."

"We will," Levi replied, his voice rumbling deeply in his chest. "I'll come back to you, bright-eyes— you can count on that."

And so it was.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x yn #aot x reader #levi ackerman imagine #attack on titan fanfiction #aot headcanons

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