stilemawillow

[stilemawillow]

MTIJ | Ch.30 City of Dumbassery, Here I Come

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 13k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

warnings: nsfw content; mentions of nudity; virginity loss; oral sex (f! receiving); protected sex; explicit sexual content; reader discretion advised

A hundred-dollar question: where do people go to blow off steam when their interns weren’t back back from their vacation yet? First and foremost, never City of Dumbassery as it’s not a place for relaxation. I might’ve been its main population these days, but I fancied myself a rational person capable of making the right choices when needed. Pretend you’re not looking at my romantic history. The right choice, however, wasn’t always right in the heat of the moment, only in perspective, so we begin this scene with me, seated on Erwin Smith’s couch with Hanji Zoe and a cup of coffee.

For more information on the right-est choice I made as of late, keep watching. Or as asshole-me insists on promoting: Come see the prequel to the biggest fuck-up of this girl’s life. I, though oblivious to its imminent eventuation at the point where we start, had a vague notion of what I wanted the next few days to look like. Let’s just say, humourlessly enough, that my wildest dreams came nowhere close to the reality that would take place.

“I’m sorry about last time, (Y/N). I didn’t know about you and Eren.” Hanji’s contrite apology made my smile widen as I lifted the cup of coffee to my lips. Dismissing the fact she brought the topic right back with the intention to make amends, Hanji was a good person and clearly sincere in her ways of regarding me. Kindness was one thing, but this woman’s pure cordiality was admirable.

“It’s not a problem. I could tell it wasn’t your intention to hurt me.” The corner of my mouth twitched in self-reproach at the manipulative bullshit I let slip. Instantly, I corrected: “Not that I was hurt.” If it’d been Annie, she wouldn’t straight-up laughed. Had it been Levi, he would’ve stared at me like I was dumb for thinking him dumb enough to buy it. But this was Hanji and she just smiled reassuringly.

“You can share if you want to. That’s what I’m here for with all my friends,” she offered. It sounded tempting but I couldn’t allow myself that kind of openness yet. Annie was, as always, the only person who knew the full story in all its repulsive glory but if I wanted to preserve (Levi’s privacy) my reputation, I couldn’t tell the whole thing here. The whole thing – look at me dodging the serious parts in an attempt to make myself feel better. I couldn’t tell Hanji about my intoxicated attempt to sleep with her friend, who gave dubious if any consent. Sounded appropriately disgusting like this.

“Mike and Erwin seem like they lead pretty decent lives, though.” Redirecting the topic, ignoring everything weird, dismissing all as a dirty scheme meant to humiliate me – a methodical step-by-step guide on how to be a paranoid bitch. It would’ve been my equivalent of the Bible if I weren’t an atheist. Even if I regularly used OMG, if I had to pick a fictional character to believe was real, at least I’d pick one from a book with a legit author – something by King, Thackeray, Hemingway, Tolkien, Orwell or Hawthorne. Following that train of thought, I might as well start worshipping Mickey Mouse – it’d do me more good than the big guy with the beard who loves me but would make me suffer for all eternity for stepping out of line once. I did it a lot.

“It wasn’t always like that. Not to mention Levi was stuck in the gutter a month back.” Hanji’s words snapped me out of my daze. “I know I told you to wait for him, but I don’t trust him, so make sure you keep this conversation a secret,” she warned while leaning forward as if afraid the walls would hear. The suspense, though exaggerated and a bit comical, made me put down my coffee. “So, you know how Petra is mentioned here and there?” I nodded. “She was Levi’s fiancé. She died in a car crash last October.” I knew I should’ve reacted appropriately but I couldn’t force it quickly enough. Hanji noticed. “You don’t look shocked.”

“No, but I am surprised. A lot of things make sense now. I’m sorry for your loss.” I hastened to make a recovery to lessen the doubt along the planes of her face. A pang tugged on my heart. When I considered the alternate reality where Petra hadn’t died, the notion of Levi not arriving for his internship was incomprehensible. He’d be studying hard at home and married. No rings, no chaos, no cheating for me – yes, good, but no company around the house either, no distraction and no comfort.

“You haven’t done anything to apologise for it,” Hanji said. “Anyways. Shorty was in a really bad place the months after. Working himself to the bone, no sleep, no food, no nothing. He just had to be doing something. The one good thing that came out of it was his weekly visits to his mother.” A small pause, a moment of consideration for her and an odd feeling of fascination for me. I was soaking it up like a sponge because I was seeing, at last, his angle. “Maybe it hit him that if death came for Petra, it could come for Kuchel, too. I can’t know for sure. All I know is he exhausted himself to the point he collapsed. Unconscious for three whole days. Isabel told him he’d gotten the internship when he woke up.”

“So he used it as an escape,” I finished. It was a logical conclusion. Hanji nodded. Avoiding pain wasn’t the way but he’d been desperate to get away and the internship had been the perfect opportunity. He’d grabbed his bags, boarded the plane and then… well, had to deal with me. Not a warm welcome by any means. He hadn’t even had the energy to get angry or look like he felt anything. I hadn’t known, hadn’t cared enough to see. It made me uncomfortable to realise it.

“Flew over a whole ocean and kept working,” Hanji proceeded. “He wanted something to distract himself with. When he ran out of work because he did overtime, he started calling home more often. Vague details were all he gave, but I got the feeling he had something else to work on.” Hanji’s words made a lopsided smile kiss my lips. He’d wanted to busy himself with my well-being, but I’d taken it the wrong way, as I often did. Nowadays the matter was often used against him but never by him – wasn’t that funny?

“Becoming the spoiled brat’s babysitter,” I filled in kindly, but Hanji’s disapproving frown meant to reproach along with the eloquent gesture of her crossing her arms. I didn’t regret the way I worded it. Eren, Annie, Mikasa and my mother had often tried to make me rethink my ways, but results were yet to manifest. This story, with me as the shitty protagonist most likely to be insufferable contrary to sympathy-inducing, portrayed reality as I saw it – and reality often neglected character development.

“He never called you either, but he did mention taking care of you had the same effect as working, if not better. I felt he might find himself a friend, so I supported him. I think I made the right choice. You have a lot in common,” Hanji declared. It struck a cord – did we really? Our arguments were fire lashing out at ice – not something that happened with people got along. Levi was hard to anger whereas I had a short fuse – everything was a personal insult. No easier target than a conceited paranoid.

“On the topic of that,” I piped. “How do you forget somebody?” The question was light-hearted. I decided to dismiss the whole story so I could ponder it later. Hanji’s brows furrowed as she smiled sympathetically. She couldn’t imagine the situation well enough. The question was I over Eren? had kept at a safe distance from my mind during my birthday vacation and the beginning of August only to assault it now with pitiless ire.

Things kept coming back when I least needed them. Thoughts of the twinkle in his teal eyes or the crooked smile he always wore before a kiss, the sound of his voice – the softness he’d told me he loved me with the first time, the haunting quiver in it when we were breaking up. I woke up at night with the howl of planes taking off and landing. On some mornings, I woke up, hoping to hear a knock at the door and see his face. Would he be more tan? Would his eyes be the same? Would his hair be styled differently? Would he have grown taller?

But, (Y/N), a voice would say in my head, people don’t grow taller just like that, it’s physically impossible.

Eren can, I’d argue, because Eren is my boyfriend and he can do anything if he puts his mind to it.

But Eren wasn’t my boyfriend and he wasn’t a miracle-maker. I’d sit in bed and argue with myself that Eren would come back, that I wanted the best for him and that wasn’t me, that we were done, but that he’d still come back. He never did. A small desperate part of me still hoped for the door to open – any door. Erwin Smith’s apartment’s front door right now, even. I could almost hear his footsteps going up the stairs. I swore I could. I turned to Hanji, a naïve question – can’t you? – flickering in my orbs. She didn’t catch it.

“I’m not an expert,” she said instead. “But Levi can be of help. His coping mechanisms aren’t the best example to follow, but he has a good head on his shoulders. He just doesn’t listen to it.” She might’ve thought, with how desperate I looked, that I might cry. She didn’t know pride would rather have me rip out of my tear ducts before that happened. I didn’t cry often or in many people’s presence. That wasn’t to say I didn’t like Hanji. But Annie and, unfortunately, Levi were the exceptions here. The latter was a mystery, probably my attempt to play a damsel in distress to ask for attention. Attention and help and fucking, might as well – a kiss. Couldn’t he just kiss me sometimes without me having to be in the middle of a mood?

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t copy those coping mechanisms even if I wanted to. Work, sex and alcohol are never a good mix.” I let out an awkward string of laughter, weirded out by my abrupt disconnection from the conversation and how it turned my thoughts against me. I didn’t miss him that much. Also, he was coming home tomorrow. I had nothing to play the desperate whore for. There was the blondie. That wasn’t jealousy, though. I’d say it was my wish to prove myself better.

“Sex?” Hanji echoed with a conflicted expression.

“Sex with my father’s secretary. I think it was around May. He stormed out after calling her and came back drunk in the middle of the night,” I explained. The brown-haired woman took a second to process the story, then burst out in incredulous laughter. My brows twitched. “What’s so funny?” Was it something else or was I just weird for not thinking my father’s intern and secretary fucking the joke of the century?

“I remember him telling me about that,” she started, voice hinting at a new bout of cackling. “He went to her place for paperwork and she had her boyfriend over. They kept offering him drinks and he agreed to shut them up. Crossed the line at some point. He even got lost on his way back to the house.” I wanted to face-palm using the table and, hopefully, get myself into a coma. Was there a person on this Earth denser than me or was I a phenomenal idiot?

“Oh, God,” I muttered in a wheeze. “I’m so stupid.” Embarrassment and shame painted the tips of my ears bright crimson as I clenched my fists. Hanji patted my shoulder.

“You’re not stupid. I would’ve thought the same if I had no context. Levi would never just have a one-night stand, though. Not the type of person for it. He claims it’s the wrongest way to get over something.” Her brown eyes, previously fixed on me, were now directed at the coffee table. “Might work for you, but he most certainly hates it.” A snort was drawn from her lips as she withdrew her hand from my shoulder. I tried not to think about it, but it was inevitable. Hitch’s party, him refusing, refusing, refusing, because it would be “just like that” and “just like that” was a solution for neither of us.

“I’ll consider it,” I joked. “I was busy up until recently, but maybe university won’t be enough to distract me.” I smiled as Hanji chuckled, patting my back.

“Another boyfriend should do the trick in that case,” she said.

But I don’t want another boyfriend, I wanted to counter. I want your grumpy short friend. The thought froze me up. Asshole-me joined Hanji’s hearty chuckle. Bold of me to think it. Terrible of me to think it. Wrong of me to think it. It was complicated. If romance was not involved here, it was undeniable at this point. I could almost feel it written in capital letters on my forehead.

ATTRACTED TO LEVI ACKERMAN. VERY.

“I’m not ready for the commitment.” Was the only comment to exit my mouth due to the sudden discomfort nestling in the crevice of my ribcage. “I think,” I added awkwardly, reluctant regarding a relationship but very opinionated on the topic of engaging my father’s intern in something inappropriate that would make our relations twice as complicated as they were.

“A friend with benefits then?” Hanji’s mind-reading abilities amazed. I realised it suddenly – that it was natural, this attraction of mine, no matter how humiliating and inconvenient. It wasn’t weird and maybe it wasn’t all that wrong. It was a guy who was three years older than me who lived with me that I considered unreachable. The forbidden fruit, so to say. He was handsome, mysterious and had abs. Natural to be attracted to that. Natural to be attracted to it when I saw it every day and it saw me every day and most times it treated me with passive kindness. So there’d be no harm, I assumed, in initiating something a smidge bigger. What was stopping me? I didn’t have a boyfriend, I wouldn’t feel guilty and I wasn’t insecure because, hey, he’d kissed me last time. Obviously, I wasn’t nasty.

“Update from a virgin to a slut then?” I smirked, a decision born. Hanji’s mouth clamped shut shamefully and I laughed. “I’m kidding, calm down. It was just a joke.” I patted her back. The ring on my finger was cool to the couch and soothing. My resolve, for once, was there. I had a goal. A simple one at that – nothing dangerous. Two words: kiss Levi. I would do it because there was nothing to stop me. I mean, what was the worst that could happen?

…

Imagine an elegant expensive kitchen armed with all kinds of top-quality appliances. Paradise for all little housewives who greet their husbands with a warm meal. I wasn’t that type and the fact I spent four hours cooking more food than a family of six could eat didn’t make me one either. Judging was futile because I took care of that myself during the whole process. Currently, the fruit of my effort sat in front of me – a full three-course meal with different forks to go with the high-class atmosphere. I was far from a successor of Gordon Ramsay, but I outdid myself this time. Why? Last-minute anxiety maybe. Or fear. I needed a distraction because the thought of Eren wouldn’t stop pestering me. Added to that was the fact my father could walk in without Levi. Asshole-me didn’t help.

Bet on the outcome now! A once-in-a-lifetime offer that provides an endless amount of entertainment for the whole family! Fifty bucks says a discount version of William will use the vanishing potion and fly back to France! The other side of the bet? Sorry, I don’t know her. With such a commentator, it was early to skip the food and go straight to consuming my fingernails. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. Place your bets right now, your bets need to go in the ballot box, quickly fill out the slips and put them in! Will he go or yes? And what’s the sweat for, princess? Don’t we like watching history repeat itself? I love it. So bet, bet, bet, bet! Come on, faster! If I had a penny for each time your father’s intern left you in the summer, I’d have two pennies. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s hilarious it happened twice!

The jingle of keys pulled the plug on asshole-me’s voice. I’d waited a whole hour now and my head snapped up so fast I heard my neck pop. The front door opened and my heart flinched when my father walked in, dressed in one of those hideous Hawaiian shirts they sold in souvenir shops and flaunting on his nose and cheekbones a really bad case of sunburn. He’d say the sun was harsh in Minnesota. I’d pretend not to hear because believing was impossible. He slipped out of his sandals and I clasped my hands together in excitement.

“Dad, finally! I was starting to think I’d have to reheat everything,” I said. He turned to face the fake exasperation masking the genuine joy I felt at his return. A doubtful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and my eyes were frantically bouncing from him to the open door. Panic began to well up in my mind. Asshole-me was diligently digging a hole for it, to fit as much as possible.

“A pretty big feast you have there.” Rolland Raven took off the sunglasses he was wearing to eye the food a bit better. I cracked a smile I hoped wouldn’t seem constipated. My thought process was starting to lag due to overload when I heard a faint curse. Next thing, Levi’s pale figure, wearing a ridiculous straw hat. My heart dropped like a stone, plugged the pit of panic and made asshole-me yelp when it nearly crushed her fingers. I felt like stumbling back into my chair and never getting up.

“I guessed you might be hungry after the flight. You don’t have to eat all of it,” I said. It was then a pair of graphite hues shot up to my face. It felt like each muscle in it strained almost to the point of tearing. My father took a seat at the counter while the intern opted to drop off his luggage upstairs and change clothes. I stared after him a second too long while he was climbing the stairs.

“You’ve never waited for me after a business trip before.” (E/c) clashed with (e/c) as my father began picking his food and digging in with more enthusiasm than I’d expected. Levi had mentioned the almightly Raven had complained about the poor quality on the trip compared to what he had at home, but it was still a compliment to witness it manifested.

“I usually have things to do when you’re on business trips, father. This summer I needed a source of entertainment.” I rolled my eyes, letting them scan the interior during the roundabout lie. Lucky enough, they caught the exact moment Levi was leaving his room, tugging down his shirt. A glimpse of fit abdominals. A vague tan line. The food on the counter became a tad bit less appetising.

“Don’t you have Eren Jaeger to help with that?” My father’s question made my attention snap back in place just in time for Levi not to catch me staring. He took a seat at the far end of the counter but I was too preoccupied with a small freak-out fit to dwell on it.

“About that,” I squeaked out with a constipated expression, prompting both men’s attention to turn from half-hearted to wholly undivided. Amazing. I couldn’t have done a better job at it if I’d begun yodelling out of the blue. “Eren broke up with me two months ago.” The key to not sounding like a squeaky toy was to not meet anybody’s gaze. My father was blinking like something had gotten in his eye and Levi’s jaw clenched at the discomfort he was subjected to.

“And I wasn’t notified of that because?” Rolland Raven, among many a quality, was a proud man who, in spite of his profession, could never act quite as predictably as I wished him to. This was no exception because I didn’t have time to open my mouth before he silenced me with a hand in the air. “No, forget I asked. I need to have a serious talk with him. Maybe make him pay back all the dates you’ve handled with interest. We can make a fortune.” The devious plan was voiced in his typical cold-blooded businessman manner. I waved my hands around in discomfort.

“Hold your horses, father. You’re not the one who got dumped. Eren ended the whole thing because he went to study in Germany,” I explained but it wouldn’t satisfy my father, who only glared while putting a fork-full of potatoes in his mouth. Levi tried to become fully invisible. I thought if things got too heated for him, he might make a dash for his room with the dish.

“Unreasonable as can be. If he loved you as much as he had the balls to claim in front of me, he could’ve thought of an alternative that didn’t include breaking your heart. Because of something as insignificant as distance, too.” My father leaned back in his chair with folded arms. He forgot all about food so he could glare at me.

“4898 miles to be exact,” I murmured pitifully. Both men shot me an incredulous look, to which I switched on defence mode. “I did my research. I wasn’t crying the whole time.” Subconsciously copying my father’s position, I reclined in my chair and crossed my arms, glaring like a child prior to giving a sigh and smiling weakly. “I gave it a lot of thought and he did the right thing. So can you be the one to tell mom later?” The last inquiry seemed to surprise him, maybe because it was expected of me to share more with my mother and thus already have her know the super secret information I was handing him.

“I’ll try not to cry as I do.” A nod and a similar weak smile. “You did well not to tell me immediately.” He returned to normal – calculating and sharp, looking for weaknesses and thinking in numbers. Levi’s lack of shock went unnoticed, which I was secretly thankful for. The raven was looking at me playing with the silver band around my finger to soothe my nerves.

“Because you would’ve gone to the airport to kick him to the curb like a good father?” I smirked, a pointed look aimed at the dark-haired businessman, who only snorted in return prior to redirecting his attention back to the food.

“… maybe.” A small pause betraying care, an awkward glance in his intern’s direction conveying mild panic as a result of his feelings showing and a fake clearing of the throat to show discomfiture. He changed the topic immediately. “Have I told you you’ve become a better cook than your mother?” (E/c) clashed with (e/c) and I knew he could see I was holding back laughter by the way the corner of his mouth twitched downwards in displeasure.

“You have now. Congratulations on successfully dodging the topic,” I announced with a complacent grin as he scoffed, ignoring the embarrassment so he could go back to eating. Levi’s gaze was relentless but, once having resolved the current minor conflict, I felt too ashamed to return it. I couldn’t be speaking of Eren, thinking of Levi and acting like a professional whore. It went against my moral code. I wished it was as stable as my pride. Somewhere in my head, asshole-me was drafting an advertisement for the future demise of both.

The following day was unexpectedly laid back in terms of emotions – the process of waking up and going to work was starting to become mechanical. I disliked that I was turning into a nine-to-five zombie, but Melinda’s cross remarks did nothing to hinder my placidity and Adam’s request for a date was, surprisingly, accepted with a pinch of reluctance. It was time for something new, I defended when asshole-me breached the topic of my change of heart. I couldn’t go a whole life without clashing with a man who wasn’t Eren. To forget him, I actually needed to accept that. Because knowing he wouldn’t come back and I didn’t want to get back together was different from realising I couldn’t stay in the comfort zone of being endlessly attached to him and using it as an excuse to never move on.

I felt a smile light up my face the moment I saw Levi in front of the TV with a cup of tea in his hand. Unfortunately, I couldn’t use him to move on – it was the conclusion I drew from the quiet happiness gripping my heart at the sight of him beckoning me over. Everything I’d done had been quite enough. I wouldn’t turn him into a tool as well. So I settled on the couch and we led a half-assed conversation about the movie playing until my parents barged in, beaming and formal. Going for a date at a restaurant – yeah, no, I knew where they were going after. I smiled as we sent them off, and then the ebony-haired intern began choosing the movie we’d be watching and I worked on the snacks downstairs.

Accepted a date, claimed you won’t use him and now you’re pondering the kiss you’ll initiate. You know you’re fucked in the head, correct? Asshole-me piped mockingly, making me huff. I knew I was fucked in the head because she was there. Also, kissing Levi and using Levi were two different things. Different for him how? It’s kissing. It wasn’t. It would be exploring this time – not thinking about being distracted but feeling it for what it was. Jesus, that’s such a weak excuse. I felt she might be face-palming. Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You spent so much time telling your best friend you don’t like him, then you miss Eren, then you “date” Adam, then you grab your friend-zoned intern and decide you’ll be kissing him again – after you established you’re fucking inferior to the blondie who’s clearly hitting on him or clearly intent on doing it too. Can you not follow the timeline?

“Princess, why does Natalie tell me you’ve filled out all the forms related to the company’s income during our vacation?” Levi lowered the phone from his ear. The call had ended a second ago and he was glaring at me doubtfully. I was busy watching the movie – hopefully, excuse enough for scarce to no eye contact. I opened the pack of Doritos I’d dug up from my secret stash in the garage and warily eyed the pale intern’s expression.

“Because the forms were in the office downstairs and I figured they’d get in the way of our movie marathon, asshole. I haven’t messed them up.” My scoff was promptly returned to sender as Levi shoved his phone back in his pocket and clicked his tongue in exasperation. Another three minutes passed before I spoke up: “By the way, I need advice.” The room was dimly lit and the raven’s sharp gaze was on my temple.

“Will you have it in mind when you get back on your bullshit?” The inquiry was flat and doubtful. I tried to nod but it came out looking like a cringe and a shrug. His lips pursed in exhaustion. “Spill,” he ordered coldly, making me pout.

“How do I forget Eren?” Squeaky was the best I could do after becoming tense again. Nervousness was gnawing at the feeble stem of courage I’d managed to grow and my hopes for this to go as smoothly as a chat about the weather were stuck in an elevator on the top floor of a skyscraper. Even overthinking was useless here.

“Easy,” he said. Again, there was that breach of grammar. “Find somebody new. Judging by how much you’re smiling these days, you might as well be done with that.” The suspicious mockery made me snort.

“Don’t you think I might be happy to have you and dad back home?” I asked pointedly.

“No,” he countered with a defiant click of his tongue. What he said next sounded like an extract from a Jorge Bucay book. Something about self-love maybe. “Before you get with Rivers, however, you have to accept that Jaeger is now your ex. He’s part of the past and the past doesn’t hold power over the future if you don’t let it.” I bit back laughter to not offend him.

“Such a poet you are,” I huffed half-heartedly. “And how do I stop loving him?” Seriousness stood perched on my right shoulder, but the Doritos between us kept decreasing and I felt the soothing coolness of the ring on my finger. Our gazes locked and I stared, just because I could, because he was back, because he acted normally. And why wouldn’t he? Our circumstances surely weren’t enough to alter his demeanour.

“You don’t. You never will and you should get used to it.” His answer cut deep and I realised it might’ve confused me but I was too captivated by his eyes to process it. He forced himself to explain: “We never stop loving somebody once we’ve fallen for them. We just fall harder for another person.” It was as romantic as it was businessman-like. A bit too… systematic somehow.

Line up, line up! Asshole-me encouraged. I imagined a big queue in front of an entrance door with a sign bearing my name above it. Number 12, pass through, but beware – number 10 wasn’t careful with his words and number 11 made no effort to change that! The asshole side of me clearly fancied the idea. For all waiting, the Eren Jaeger mural is on the left and the guy on the right is the one you’ll never be! Keep trying but keep this face in mind – Levi Ackerman is hiding in a lot of the corners you’ll visit! He’s an invaluable guest at this establishment! Oh! Is it time for the next one already? Hurry up, number 13! Don’t hold up the queue, who knows how much capacity we have left. And so on until the last victim had walked in. It made my nose scrunch up.

“Does that mean you still haven’t gotten over Petra?” I piped curiously, bright eyes observing closely the intern’s reaction. The movie was no longer as interesting. Everything I could focus on was the furrow between Levi’s brows and the flat unperturbed look in his eyes. He grabbed a Dorito from the pack. I moved my hand away just in time to avoid a clash.

“It means I haven’t fallen in love with the next in line,” he said, reinforcing the notion of a queue. “I’m used to the fact she’d dead. Filling out every report in the world won’t bring her back,” he paused briefly and gulped, “so I go on with my life.” The explanation was simple but relatively quiet, like he was trying to say the words while not exactly aiming to have me hear them. His gaze was staring at the screen ahead as I looked down, trying to come up with a good one-liner to put him out of his discomfort.

“I feel like we’re becoming pensive,” I started with a lopsided smirk, “so let me pull a Reverse Uno card on this mood by saying I’ve reached a milestone in my life.” Licking the Dorito dust off my fingers, I puffed out my chest proudly, making the intern put a hand to his mouth. Maybe he’d bitten back a smile behind it. “I won’t get fined for driving without supervision now. Not to mention, I can have sex.” Waving an index finger in front of his face, I didn’t react when he grabbed it without warning.

“I don’t see what stopped you before,” he stated nonchalantly. I shrugged, concluding I hadn’t exactly shared with him details about my childish vow.

“There was this really religious teacher at school when I was ten – she scarred all her classes by giving them unsolicited Sex Education lectures mixed with Bible verse. Got fired because children complained to their parents, but she did a good one on me before that,” I explained with a smile, yanking my finger from his hold. “Since sex was for sinners – both began with the letter s, she explained to us – and I didn’t want to be a sinner because it meant… well, a bad person, I told myself I’d have sex only after turning eighteen, regardless of the temptation. So I held out. Proud of myself for that.” My complacent smile made him snort. He might’ve glanced at my lips right after.

“I’m sure there’s been a lot of temptation for you, princess,” he drawled in a deep sarcastic voice, moving the empty bag of Doritos away before wiping his fingers with as I processed the retort. I sat still, pouting for a fraction of a second, when it hit me this was my chance. The signal was there – shining in bright green, if I wasn’t color-blind – and it was time for me to grasp the opportunity.

“More than you can imagine, asshole,” I said with a scoff, not parting my eyes from his profile to observe his reaction. We cast aside the fact he could’ve poked fun at me being the furthest thing from a believer, yet such a big aspect of my life had been altered by a religious teacher. The tip of his nose twitched when he snorted in dismissal, not daring to meet my eye all of a sudden.

“The mood has been brightened. What do we do now?” He turned to face me, curious but hesitant, and I felt a surge of courage at the sight of the indecisiveness dawdling about in his grey eyes. The blue specks were calling me – count us, (Y/N), count us – and I concluded this would be the one time I initiated anything between us. It was stressful and scary, but it was Levi, so want overpowered fear, resulting in something we’d have a hard time sorting out our feelings on.

“Watch the movie you so diligently picked for us maybe?” But actions contradicted words because I was leaning in and he could see it. For two whole seconds, there was no movement on his end. Panic was about to make me pull back, pin it to something else, anything else, when his hand lifted, slender fingers gently tucking my hair behind my ear. This was it. It would happen. I was exploring what it’d be like without the guilt of purposefully seeking distraction.

It was slow – the first kiss – his lips barely landing on top of mine so we could taste the water even when we knew it was lukewarm. The movie was like white noise – I could catch fragments of dialogue and the screen illuminated Levi’s profile the few times my lids fluttered open. His hold on the side of my face was gentle, granting permission for me to pull back at any point. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I knew I was barely thinking and it felt nice, for my head to be so blissfully empty. It was all sensations and when he dragged his tongue over my bottom lip, my mouth opened to allow access for further exploration. The kiss deepened and I tried to push closer into him.

“Get on top,” he muttered into my mouth. His right hand dipped to grab my leg. I might’ve flushed bright red, but I still complied, slowly straddling him and letting his hands guide me to where he found it most comfortable. I was terribly aware of what I sat on. It might’ve been terribly aware of me, too.

It was slow and fast at the same time. We weren’t breaking the kiss but some moments of it – like his hand brushing my side and making me cover in goosebumps – were fleeting like blinks while others – like the weird scorching thing in my whole torso – felt endless. It was indescribable to a point, the heat of the moment but the moment was long and the pace was changing slightly the more it went on. It hadn’t been him either. It was him responding to me, because I couldn’t for the life not hold him tightly and subconsciously look for more. We were glued together and his fingers had tentatively pushed up my shirt at the back so they could trail up and down the curve of my spine.

My head was tilted, fingers tangled in his hair and heavy huffs escaping my nostrils. He smelled like lavender and rain and cologne, and my fucking conditioner I’d told him a thousand times to stop using because it was expensive. I didn’t bother scolding him about it now. My desperate want turned the kisses hungrier and there was this point – I might’ve wiggled slightly to find an even closer spot – but he stiffened and grabbed the back of my head, growing twice as persistent and passionate. Weird, using that word about him. It hit me the forbidden part of male anatomy I was seated on top of had risen to attention. It made me wonder if it had happened before and that, in turn, was simultaneously embarrassing and flattering. He was attracted to me, too. Duh. We were literally making out on my bed.

When more began translating as more of everything instead of more of this particular thing, he seemed to sense the shift. His hands guided me off his lap and back on the bed. My head was resting against the pillow and my head was empty, lids fluttering open to drink the sight of him the first time he broke the kiss – pale but handsome, tired but caring, bored but clearly moved by the happening. It was a miracle. I’d been begging for this statue to show me anything in the beginning of his internship. I hadn’t known it could show me this – it looked like a godsend. My heart was going a hundred miles per hour, my breath was unsteady and my body felt hot all over.

It didn’t matter where he kissed – my lips, my neck, my chest, my shoulders – I just wanted him to keep kissing me. Temptation had seldom been this strong and the vow was no longer active, it was fulfilled – an electrifying realisation. I didn’t need to have him stop. What my sinner’s hands did the moment that resolution snapped in place was to grab the hem of his shirt and, with pointed urgent eyes, plead with him to take it off. He hesitated for exactly one second, then complied, like he’d complied with everything else without having me say it. He was kneeling between my legs, arms going over his head so the piece of clothing could be discarded. His chest and abdomen flexed, the biceps, the triceps, all the other names of muscles I’d had to read about but hadn’t memorised. Adonis in the flesh. Fuck me for drooling. Oh.

If I could paint, I’d paint him. If I could sing, I’d write a song. If I had a taser, I’d tase myself out of being so cringe-worthy in admiring the body of a man. But when that body pressed against mine, everything became a bit too hot – literally and metaphorically – so I decided the next step was to cool down by taking off my own clothes. First the shirt, then the pants he helped out with. I almost laughed when they tangled at my ankles and he had to tug them off with an irritated frown. Here it was, having my father’s intern see my bra again. This time I didn’t mind.

“Frills? Seriously?” Well, now I minded.

“Do we have an issue?” I snapped with a pointed look. It didn’t help he was towering over me, sizing up my underwear with eyes that spoke simultaneously of him being amused and him being something else. I wondered if he was still hard. I hadn’t touched there once.

“It’s almost cute,” he mocked flatly. He didn’t reach to take it off – he just leaned down to mollify me with a kiss. It worked. I was carried off into wanting more again. The weight of him on top of me grounded the body and made the soul soar. It was a cringe comparison but whatever, it was true. I realised, right about the time I tugged on the waistband of his sweatpants and his brows flashed in unrestrained surprise, that I was an eighteen-year-old doing exactly what was expected of every single eighteen-year-old on the planet – sneaking a boy into my room while my parents were out.

This here was a boy I trusted and a boy I was halfway convinced was more of a man than a boy, mostly when it came to observing how he casually sat up and removed his sweatpants with precision contrary to clumsiness. My eyes flickered down to his boxers. Still hard alright. There was a rush of excitement and shame all at once when I realised it. A bit too late to stop and pin this a mere heat-of-the-momet make-out session. It was the real deal. Happening. Live. In my room. On a late August evening. Goodness gracious.

It took me a second to process it and he might’ve sensed that I’d grown a bit rigid despite remaining just as active. He didn’t advance the happening, petting my hair and kissing me, and trailing lower, but only as low as he’d gone before, finding the rest a sort of forbidden land. Didn’t even take off the bra with the frills he mocked me for. What a gentleman. He was kissing the curve of my breast and I was wondering how in the fucking hell I’d deserved this.

“We don’t have to,” he warned at some point. “If you don’t want to. Saying no is allowed.” He kissed me and it was intoxicating, but also the last snapped nerve. I arched my back off the bed, elbows bending so my hands could reach for my bra clip. The shoulder straps went loose and Levi paused for a moment to process what the act meant.

“I won’t say it,” I muttered with determination, eyes locked with his. Pride was strong within me even now and, having the wordless consent, he gently took off the bra before paying some attention to newfound territory. It was like being examined in a lab. Again, my boobs weren’t perfect. It was genetics and fate, and whatever else. In being embarrassed about him staring at my chest, I was graced by the thought I hadn’t shaved anywhere. Double embarrassed. Wasn’t it only right that the first time would come with presentability? There go the Raven teachings.

And the word nipple is somewhat lame – I’ve heard it from native and non-native speakers of English both – but there is no other word. So when his tongue rolled around my nipple, I forgot I hadn’t shaved and drew such a sharp breath I almost choked. My chest was heaving and he was thumbing my other nipple. I thought we’d get straight to it and was mistaken. He knew better, it seemed, because a virgin needed the bare minimum of this much and more foreplay to truly relax. It hit me for a fraction that this was actual foreplay while I was staring at the ceiling between trying not to make any sounds. I was like a dead fish, just letting him do things to me. More responsive than a dead fish but awfully inexperienced in any case. It made me feel just a bit guilty. My one saving grace was the fact his erection kept brushing against my leg – and if that was there, then it meant he wasn’t dissatisfied.

It was a black spot for a while because I couldn’t pinpoint between the overwhelming build-up of nice but not nice enough where exactly Levi was kissing or sucking or nipping or touching. Now it would be my thigh, now leaving a hickey on my shoulder, now trailing kisses over my jaw and down my neck, now caressing my side, now trailing a finger down to my navel, now my boob, intermission, the other boob – and the whole time there was that thing in my abdomen, the same one I’d felt with Eren, the hot knot begging for attention.

This was a new person and I hadn’t thought it’d come with a new person, but it was there alongside a brand new dynamic which wasn’t hurried or harsh or overtly passionate like I’d been used to. The pace was decent and steady and passion here didn’t amount to bruises – or at least not explicitly so. The new person made it thrilling, overwhelming. The new person made it a brand new experience. And when the brand new person’s hand gently dipped to touch the part where my legs met, I shivered all over, heart and lady boner flinching at once. Levi, with his obstinacy, refused to ask permission vocally. I still nodded, spreading my legs a bit wider. Slowly, like my panties weren’t in the way, he kissed from my knee to the base of my inner thigh, nipped slightly and made me yelp, and muffled something like a chuckle against the plush of my leg.

I didn’t know what he was thinking. I knew his fingers pressing against the spot where wetness had accumulated made my mouth gape slightly. I craned my neck and closed my eyes. There was embarrassment holding hands with excitement, with pleasure breathing down their necks. Nothing quite mattered. I breathed out like I’d been holding my breath for fourteen minutes when the raven’s fingers gently dragged back and forth against my core and then he might’ve been impatient, because he tugged my underwear out of the way, down my legs, past the knees and the ankles, dropping it with the rest of our clothes and the empty Dorito bag on the floor. It was a whole mess, this thing. I wanted it.

“The house is empty, princess,” he said while leaning down to kiss below my navel.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, almost out of breath in spite of my lungs functioning perfectly. His fingers were ghosting on the side of where I wanted him to touch. His mouth dragged lower. There was the jab of shame about not being shaved again. It hadn’t sent him to his feet and out of the room, so it was probably fine. A man wasn’t afraid to fight the jungle, I’d heard a few times before.

“That you can make noise without being scared,” he responded casually. I snorted and decided inwardly that I wouldn’t be making any noise whatsoever, just to spite him. It did feel good, though, so I doubted I could actually hold back effectively. As though to challenge the unsaid decision, Levi cut the suspense short. When his tongue rested where only one other had before, I came close to whining. My hand shot down to paw at his hair and he hummed against my clit. The vibrations of it made me writhe slightly.

He licked and sucked – nipped twice, which made me yelp both times – and did all sorts of other magic. Added to the title of mind-reader would now be the rank of mage. Then, there was this point when I could feel his fingers prodding at my entrance – a gentle warning of what was to come. First it was one. My mouth gaped and there was a slight flash of something like pain. More like discomfort. Now this was brand new wherever I looked at it from. Remember, my vow had its doors but none had included penetration. Officially the furthest I’d gone with somebody. Goodbye, hymen. You served us well.

He waited. Waited almost a full minute and distracted me with his tongue before I rolled my hips to give him the green light. Slow pumps. It was still uncomfortable, but the friction wasn’t painful. Just uncomfortable and new and I didn’t like change, but when this one found with its finger one particular spot sold off as the Bermuda Triangle for men to find, I might’ve liked this particular change. First, it made me moan. Second, the more he kept reaching that spot – because it was impossible to miss I liked it – the closer I was to coming. There were sloppy sounds and a second finger inserting itself in me, and my voice bouncing off the walls before dropping to the floor in a hush.

I might’ve said his name, actually, I might’ve half-screamed it. The orgasm hit me like a brick dropping straight on my genitals and he kept flicking his tongue slower and slower until I’d ridden it out in full. How considerate. When his fingers came out, there was a spot of blood. My mouth clamped shut in shame. He reached over to clean them with a wet wipe – then he cleaned me, too, because obviously he could see things that were invisible to me. There was slick on his chin and I glared half-heartedly when his eyes twinkled in amusement at me.

“Well, that’s done,” I muttered while he leaned over with the intention to kiss me again. “Wipe your mouth, asshole.” I put a hand to his chest to prevent my own pussy juices from coming in contact with my face. For a clean-freak, he sure didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get them off.

“You don’t want to see how tasty it is?” He was mocking me. I was red and hot all over still, a bit like a deflated balloon being refilled with exasperation contrary to air. No longer a virgin, as far as doctors would care. Still kind of in the middle, considering typical hetero interactions included something more than fingers.

“God, no!” I tried to push at his jaw and he almost chuckled when the pussy juice got on my fingers and I flicked my wrist frantically to get it off.

“It was god, yes a second ago,” he drawled pointedly. I burned bright red under his gaze, naked and not a hymen-bearer and kind of lost as to what came next. I pouted, swatted his shoulder and pretended to be very disgusted when he kissed me, making it open-mouted and sloppy for the sake of spiting me. In truth, it didn’t taste like much. Tasted weird, unlike food and drink. Well, that’s bodily fluids for you.

Remember the right-est choice I made as of late? Here it comes. The kiss guided his fingers down to my clit again and mine – to the band of his boxers. A tug and a snap, and he asked me three whole fucking times if I was sure. Not verbally, of course. It was just the particular way he stopped between each step to make sure, to look at me straight in the eye and have me nod my consent back to him. Like I’d change my mind that fast. God’s sake – if I would’ve said no, I would’ve said it before we’d kissed. But this wasn’t something he would do under normal circumstances – not a matter of alcohol, guilt or duty. It was free will and choice. Mine might’ve been made sometime last month, right around my birthday.

The boxers were gone. I blinked at it. A penis in textbooks, a dick in colloquial speech, a cock in smut books, a member in tame erotica. Length, girth, meat sword, love machine – could go on forever. We sat staring at it like it was an alien and while I was bashful, I was also bad with measurements without the aid of a ruler, hence why I safely concluded that I could stack about four donuts on it and put the zipper on it. There was that thing – precum, was it? – leaking from the tip. In all honesty, no I didn’t want to lick it off. Same went for sperm. In the history of mankind, I’d done the gracious thing and sucked off my boyfriend exactly once – the rest had been handjobs because blowjobs came with terrible pains in the jaw, a cramping of the tongue, a crap salty taste and the awkward detail of looking like an unattractive fish during the act. So, no, I didn’t volunteer to show off how bad I was at it.

“Condoms, shit.” It flew out of my mouth unintentionally. Levi’s face scrunched up. We were both visited by the bitter realisation that going further was not an option anymore, unless he wanted to don on a sock. Then the solution came to me. “Keep it up, I’ll be back in a minute,” I mumbled hurriedly, jumping off the bed and rushing butt-naked out of the room so I could go to my parents’ bedroom. Yeah, no, such was the reality of things. I tried to keep my conscience untainted while rummaging through the wardrobe. The hidden box of condoms in the back by the shoes was the saving grace. I wouldn’t speak of this to a living soul that wasn’t Annie Leonheardt ever.

The moment I returned to the room with the box held proudly over my head, Levi snorted. He laid me on the bed again and the mood returned, which was weird because I’d pinned him the type of experience one moment of interruption and consider it all ruined. Not that I’d thought about him during sex or having sex. I hadn’t. I promise. I was thinking it now, when I was about to have it with him. The kisses eased the natural awkwardness and by the time he was putting it in, I was a desperate mess again. Sweat stuck to skin and my breath got stuck in my throat when he pushed it in. I blanked, gaped like I’d received a headshot and felt him stand still to let me adjust. There was, again, mild discomfort. Fingers couldn’t compare to a dick.

I gave it half a minute and told him to move. The first thrust had me whining into his mouth. It was good. It was good, progressively becoming better and better and better, a surprise arriving with each snap of his hips. My father’s intern having sex with me, my father’s intern, my father’s intern, my intern, my Levi. The first five minutes were full of careful slow strokes to let the awkwardness dissipate and for me to get used to it. I won’t call myself anything but I’ll say I got used to it a bit too fast for comfort. So it went. Losing my virginity to my father’s intern.

“Faster, can you--- a bit faster?” The words were choked out and you’d wonder why I would ask for faster when slow was doing a good job of making my chest heave like I was running a marathon, but it was maddening and addictive.

“I can for you, princess.” It was a rasp against the side of my neck and I was blanking because the voice, paired with the hands, with the scent, with the sensation of being full and empty, then full and empty again was so mind-numbing I could melt on the spot and stay there forever. So slow and careful turned into fast and considerate. There was no harshness in him even when he kneaded my boobs or licked stripes down the length of my throat, no harshness whatsoever when he gripped my thighs or my sides. It was tight, but pleasant, egging me on further.

I bit down on the pillow when he found the spot. I bit his finger, too. I bit his shoulder and I bit my own hand to keep my voice down because how was something on this Earth allowed to be so nice? Fuck. He murmured at me to moan if I felt like it. There was a smug undertone. And when he reached between us to roll circles around my clit, I didn’t moan – I was a banshee impersonator, neck craning, back arching, toes curling, all that jazz. I came with a crash and a bang, and it might’ve been an hour by now, or maybe more, but the neighbourhood was asleep and I was wide awake, trying to wake them up, too.

A five-minute break of kisses served as an intermission to avoid me becoming overstimulated but Levi was still hard and still quite energetic in spite of the fact he’d been fucking me for an overall of thirty minutes without stopping or having his pace hitch. Round two started fast and I had my legs up, knees on the sides of my head. It was hot, seeing him through that kind of frame. Just one bead of sweat on his temple – not sticky all over, unlike me. Why was I the one becoming exhausted anyway? I was being a pillow princess. His eyes were gorgeous and his lips were slightly swollen.

“Please, don’t stop,” I whined at some point. He didn’t seem to have any prospects of stopping anyway, but I couldn’t help it. He huffed, chest heaving with lust and I knew it wasn’t easy to be the one doing all the work, so I mentally gave credit where credit was due. “Oh--- Levi, God!” He seemed like he wanted to laugh and my ring glimmered in the dark against his cheek while I tried to pull him down for a kiss which was simply impossible in our current position. He switched it five minutes later. It was not an understatement to claim I was seeing stars and everything was nice and nothing was awkward and this was the most handsome man with the most stamina on this land.

I lost my voice at some point, or I thought I did because my third orgasm couldn’t make me bite down on the pillow fast enough to muffle the literal holler that left my lungs. His name, by the way. If that hadn’t woken the neighbours, I wasn’t sure anything would. I was recuperating and he was trailing gentle pecks along my neck, still not finished. Was sex always this physically draining? My mind might’ve blanked during the third round and we were in missionary again because I insisted that I be able to kiss him any time I wished to. His hand was holding my wrist captive and the other was massaging my breast and it was all a giant whirlpool of pleasure and heat and fluids – the nasty and the nice in one, but I couldn’t care less about the nasty.

He came with a growl, biting down on my shoulder to muffle something that sounded like my name as his pace hitched and turned sloppy for the first time in what felt like hours. He slumped down on top of me and I was breathing more heavily than him, calmed by the weight. I was blinking at the ceiling and my heart was doing somersaults in my ribcage. He went to shower after a minute of rest, I called him out for being a clean freak and it just so happened that my perception of time wasn’t all too warped because checking my phone made me realise we’d had sex for about three hours, foreplay included. I slipped into the shirt he’d tossed on the floor, wiped myself and very considerately ignored the soreness in my hips while changing the sheets.

To my biggest surprise, he returned to my room in a new pair of boxers with his hair wet. There was no invitation. He joined me on the clean bed and wrapped his arms around me. This might’ve been aftercare. When our gazes locked, I didn’t dare avert my eyes in bashfulness. It was surreal and I wanted to memorise it. Then he asked me again – as voicelessly as the first time and the following ten – and I answered positively by flashing him the biggest smile I could muster. No words were exchanged. Levi rolled his eyes and I tucked myself under his chin, legs tangling with his. I was knocked out cold. I wouldn’t hasten to write this off as a happy ending but I wouldn’t immediately turn it angsty either. I explored. It was nice. I don’t think I regretted it for a second.

Waking up was a surreal experience because it included the added luxury of being bathed in sunlight with a warm arm draped around my midriff and a pale sunlit face inches from mine. A spot of purple in the crook of his neck and a few red crescents on his shoulder. Perhaps one or two leftover scratches on his back. I blinked at the sight incredulously, gradually coming to and realising what this position meant – prompted by last night’s three different ones, too.

It happened! Asshole-me hollered in my head, nearly hysteric, slamming a pan into a bell and making the echo of the toll ring painfully against the confines of my skull. You ruined it all! It was like an automatic switch – suddenly, the neutral was the bad and I had complicated it with my impulsiveness, my stupid hormones. I imagined four months of awkwardness and the wish to have more but being completely incapable of asking for fear it would mean feelings. I pictured a tense atmosphere, uncomfortable interactions, embarrassing thoughts, lame excuses. A friendship built with struggle and just barely reinforced annihilated to smithereens by my dumb ass.

I cringed, removing my hand from Levi’s chest to slap myself across the face for being horrible again – not in using him but in indulging my own selfishness. His eyelids fluttered open before the admonishment transpired and I was staring straight into the melted silver which had the tendency to read my thoughts. The current self-reprimanding cacophony would entertain him.

“… should make you coffee,” he mumbled half-coherently, making me blink wondrously at his hazy composure. This is normal, his eyes whispered, lips pressing nonchalantly to my forehead before he got up, so there’s no need to be so shocked. The trip down the stairs was silent. I had left scratches. More than two.

Currently, we were in the kitchen, sitting around the counter with our mandatory morning drinks. Unsaid words hung from the ceiling like dangling cobwebs. Levi, who’d needed a moment to retrieve his memories in full, was stiff and uncertain, and in spite of that visibly calmer than me. I could feel my face heating up as I thought of what to say. This wasn’t normal, even if both of us upon our respective awakening had pinned it such. It was something we had to discuss but how were we supposed to discuss sex when we sometimes fought over food? Deciding what to do seemed impossible.

“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” The raven, of course, was the one who broke the silence while I was slurping on my coffee, gaze averted and heart beating erratically. “Princess, I’m afraid this is something important,” he said in the face of my silence. His piercing glare was on my temple but I wouldn’t turn, keeping my fingers glued to my cup and my mind grounded in panic. “Need I remind you exactly what happened?” Levi pressed additionally, husky voice raising in audible urgency. I felt completely and utterly naked – dressed in only his shirt and my own underwear.

“We had sex, that’s what happened.” I shrugged, mind preoccupied with the strange feeling eating its way into it. Deep into my stomach, up to my lungs, through the chambers of the heart, in the windpipe – but not painfully. “There’s nothing more to it.” The nonchalant statement didn’t get a warm welcome. That much was to be expected. The attractive intern was frowning, rubbing his temples with a frustrated sigh. I tried not to look at his fingers.

And I’m trying to do just that, asshole-me scoffed pointedly. There’s something different about them when they’ve been inside you last night, yeah? A good type of different. Imagine it. My shoulders tensed as I chased her around in my head with a frying pan. Levi ran a hand through his ebony locks. Wow, is that the sex hair? And I pursed my lips in displeasure, knowing the struggles of the current moment and choosing in spite of them to secretly a wish for a second time. No harm, you know, no harm whatsoever in wanting to fuck your father’s goddamn intern, yeah? No? Can you hear it? Does it sound like a good sentence? Does it?

“Where exactly does your lacking virginity fit into your nothing more to it?” His retort made me cringe, well aware of the virginity ace hidden up his imaginary sleeve. It was a bit harder to argue with him when he was half-naked, letting me see the spots I’d bitten and kissed. The situation: we’d had sex. My side: I had nothing against him being my first because I trusted him and he’d been experienced and careful enough to make it nice. The actual problem: he was my father’s intern.

The abstract part: intimacy often came with, well… intimacy. Casual sex had the advantage of not seeing your partner again afterwards and in our case, we’d had casual sex with somebody we saw daily. Future speculation: tension due to this adventure would brew either discord or twice the ferocity in repeating the adventure. A possible solution: talking about feelings. Additional issue: Levi and I talking about feelings? Not in this day and age. Not in this life either. Telling him he made me feel warm and appreciated? Impossible. Honesty in the face of something embarrassing? Sorry, I don’t know her. She must be really lame.

“Everywhere, because I don’t care for it. It might add complexity to your situation, but it doesn’t play a big role in mine.” Dismissing the whole of it and pinning it on him was wrong. My nonchalance was false. Maybe it was what made him take a deep breath prior to speaking up again, his tea untouched.

“You’re supposed to be freaking out, princess.” His eyes were on mine and asshole-me was screaming: Come on, do it! Just kiss him and make things worse! Go right ahead! I averted my gaze with a snort. He’d used my nickname last night. Added a shade of meaning to it. I tried to get a grip as my rational side reasoned with the situation. This had been a one-time thing – or at least for him. Following that train of thought, wanting more was useless.

“You think I’m not?” It was high-pitched and ludicrous. Memories were surfacing and it was somewhat unpleasant to think they wouldn’t repeat. Levi kissing me in the dark, almost saying my name, clearing the hair from my sweaty forehead, biting my neck as he came, smiling against my lips as I tugged on his hair and tried not to moan, holding me close afterwards, not once saying the wrong thing. “I’m freaking out. You just don’t see it.” My downcast gaze was thoughtful and the air was becoming heavier with something I couldn’t identify. I could feel him staring and it bugged me not to know what he was thinking. “What?” I snapped, refraining from playing with my ring.

“What do you want to do now?” He asked flatly, eyes pinning me in place. “Do you want me to pretend this didn’t happen or do you want us to keep going?” It was ridiculous hearing him say it because, usually, he wouldn’t. I blinked, thinking I’d misheard.

“Keep going as in keep having sex?” I echoed to make sure I’d understood. It might’ve gone out a bit more shocked than expected, which made him sigh.

“I was listing options. In the end, it all comes down to what you want.” The flat voice made me realise I knew what I wanted well enough to have chosen during the conversation with Hanji three days ago or maybe even before I’d had the courage to admit it to myself.

“I don’t know what I want,” I lied with a pointed look, vehement embarrassment clawing up my throat and scratching at the back of it. I could say I wanted to keep going – his offer meant he might be willing – but his response was a fifty-fifty on whether he was sexually frustrated or would rather stick to decorum while living in the same house as the girl he was fucking and her father. I couldn’t turn the question on him because it was mean. I couldn’t call it a mistake because that would be another lie. I was tired of lying when it didn’t go to protect my pride.

“You don’t?” He quirked a thin brow mockingly, feigning the surprise he didn’t feel. “Or you just don’t want to admit your favour the more embarrassing option?” I sat motionless, knowing this wasn’t what I should’ve been doing – considering it. Maybe this was a test he had for me – to see if I’d be dumb or act like a reasonable adult. But (there came that stupid word again) if Hanji had been right, this wasn’t a random hook-up, which meant there might be something and---

Are you seriously considering a relationship with somebody who’s leaving in less than four months? Asshole-me interjected, making me sigh in defeat. Doesn’t fuck randomly, okay, fine, but this is an exception. How in the fucking hell would he grow to like you? You know that’s impossible. Methinks he went along with it because you clearly wanted it. Think about it, he does all sorts of bullshit for you. So what sounds more plausible? Him being himself or him liking you? The former, of course, but I couldn’t admit it. Like I couldn’t admit he was right to say I favoured the more embarrassing option.

“Even if it was like that,” I chose to return the favour and be doubtful, “I’m not inclined to think your morals would let you humour me.” My chin was tipped upwards while Levi shook his head and finally took a sip from his tea. The ghost of a smirk in the corner of his mouth disarmed.

“I have little to nothing against it. But,” (that fucking word again) the firmness of his voice was the only thing keeping my chest from swelling, “it doesn’t sound like an ideal course of action when you’ve almost got yourself a new boyfriend,” he reasoned calmly, somber responsibility lacing his tone.

“It’s not cheating if we’re not official,” I protested instantly, furrowed brows and a pout. He snorted.

“That’s not what I meant, princess.” My lips pursed at the jolt the nickname gave me. “I don’t want sex clouding your judgement. I get Rivers isn’t your boyfriend, but you shouldn’t exclude him as a possibility just because you’ve started thinking you have feelings for me.”

“Besides being a poet, you’ve turned into a psychologist, too,” I exclaimed with a genuinely cheerful chuckle that made him quirk a brow. Something in my throat shrivelled up. “Don’t dwell on my feelings too much, asshole,” I reassured. “I like this because it’s something new, not because I’m head over heels in love with you.” I was still chuckling as he sipped on his tea and fixed me with one of those firm looks that had the ability to bend the knees. The effect was doubled in intensity this morning.

“Make your choice then,” he said boredly, not wishing to be too imperious, seeing as the situation wasn’t taking place in a formal setting where he was the boss and I was the indecisive underling. I might as well have been, with how hot my ears got while I held his gaze, brave and stupid in the face of somebody who read me better than I sometimes read myself.

“I’m not saying it out loud,” I muttered, bashful. The ebony-haired intern watched me struggle before tilting his head to the side with a fake air of oblivion.

“Then I won’t know what you want,” he said innocently, attempting to mock my shyness and what was more – succeeding. I burned bright red, feeling heat creep up my neck and my glare was pointed and uncontrolled. It couldn’t pass as mere annoyance because Levi was hitting a nerve.

“I didn’t see you having a hard time knowing everything I wanted last night, but okay.” There was more spite than sass in the sentence, which only further conveyed my inability to stay nonchalant – something that clearly amused him. “I want us to… keep going. Satisfied?” Crossed arms, downcast gaze and a childish pout. I was the live embodiment of the word petulance and Levi wasn’t done having fun with it.

“Not as satisfied as I clearly left you.” He was smirking and I glared at him, furious and not knowing where the blood would go when there was no space left in my head. I hopped off my chair, turning my back to him and hearing how he moved to stand behind me. A well-meaning hand landed on my shoulder. “It was a joke, princess, there’s no need for the cold shoulder.” His tone was flat and disinterested, but there was a pacifying sliver. He might’ve been trying to make peace but I wouldn’t have it after all the embarrassment he put me through – just to have a good private laugh, too!

“Un-fucking-bearable, that’s what you are,” I hissed, brushing his hand off my shoulder and heading to the staircase in order to escape. He gave chase and set on ignoring the usual code that forbade touchy-touchy when unneeded. The pure and unfiltered imagination one must have in order to picture a shirtless Greek God chasing after a poorly dressed eighteen-year-old spoiled brat was too ambitious a requirement for anybody to fulfil. Turn to mythology for that, but it’s inappropriate there and this one meant well.

“I’ll stop embarrassing you if that’s what you want.” His hands were on my shoulders. He turned me around and I didn’t look at him, much less respond. He could sense I was ashamed. His hands slowly trailed down over my arms to hold my wrists in a grip I could, with effort, free myself from. “Does the mere mention of sex with no context whatsoever embarrass you, princess?” He knew it did, leaning forward with twinkling eyes and a complacent half-smile. “Your face is red.”

“And you’re a fucking genius, congratulations,” I spat with sarcastic disgruntlement. He pulled me forward so that I bumped into his chest. My shoulders jumped in surprise. I didn’t want to look him in the eye but the sight of the marks I’d left on him were no less embarrassing to behold. My heart sped up and I was pouting, flush against him with nowhere to go.

“It speaks,” he whispered by my ear. His hands retraced their steps over my arms and shoulders, gently gliding against the sides of my neck until they held my face. “Does it want to go up to my room?” Blue specks in a pool of melted silver. The question was genuine, in spite of being masked with slight mockery. The adult of us two. I tried to stay mad, but it was impossible. I promised the blue specks I’d count them later and then we were kissing. It was a funny picture – the whole of this situation – ridiculous but somehow not fictional. It was him lifting me off the floor and me wrapping my legs around him. It was him making step after step, steady and careful not to drop me while I snickered into his mouth. It was me being a literal koala and then it was us, hearing the jingle of keys.

“Shit,” I cursed, parting from him with a smack. He let go and I could catch only a glimpse of the panic on his face before I was running up the stairs. I’d barely closed the door behind us when I heard my mother greeting the empty kitchen downstairs. While I breathed out in relief, Levi was already heading to the balcony. It occurred to me that there was a pack of condoms on my nightstand and they were stolen. I’d need to make a trip to the pharmacy and replace the box. Talk about inconvenient. “Careful now,” I piped while the intern was preparing to make the jump, “we don’t want you to fall.” He gave me a half-hearted glare but said nothing.

When he was gone, I plopped down on my bed and grinned incredulously at the ceiling. This “secret sex” thing we were about to dive into wasn’t how I’d imagined the weeks prior to my first year in university, but oh, well. Expect the unexpected and if unable to – just accept it. This officially marked the beginning of my longest stay in City of Dumbassery. It was surprising, however, that I wasn’t alone in there. Twice as surprising that I’d be stuck with my father’s intern. Whom I was having sex with. Amazing. Spectacular. Asshole-me would have my ass for that.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #x reader #levi ackerman imagine #reader insert #levi ackerman x reader #it finally happened #all i'm going to say: i wrote the actual sex scene while editing the rest of the chapter because i was too bashful in the past lol #sure hope it's not worse than the vague three paragraphs of the past #levi is a literal king who preaches consent and safe sex and nobody will change my opinion #also our drama queen is entering a brand new arc of her life #beware: storm incoming

[stilemawillow]

MTIJ | Ch.29 Dear Diary, Why Do I Have Feelings?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 7.9k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will mean some falling and she's afraid of heights r.i.d

Vacations. Something so planned yet at the same time unplanned. Going to the beach was one thing, something unexpected happening as a result of that – another altogether. Vacations were meant to please, excite, aid the successful achievement of relaxation and all sorts of good things, only good things, good things all over. Mountains were fresh air, beautiful landscapes and so so many opportunities to stargaze. Beaches were sand, breeze, cocktails, hot girls in bikinis and seagulls all around. None of that sounded like it could do any harm, no? Of course not. Vacations were meant to create memories and be fun, a break from a dreadful 9-5 routine. So why wasn’t I having fun?

I got it! I got it! Asshole-me piped in an overzealous manner inside my throbbing head. It’s because who you like to think of as our asshole is in this picture with his hand around this blonde bimbo’s bare waist. Bingo. Jackpot. Bullseye. All those pleasant victories in life. A million dollars in cash falling out of a slot in a casino. Somebody winning a poker game. An old lady in a godforsaken village with too much time on her hands getting a check for half a billion. World peace. A child saying its first word, making its parents cry out of happiness. All my overdramatic self and I could do was cheer till my throat hurt. Inwardly, of course. Because you’ll never ever admit you’re jealous, asshole-me remarked. Well, no, but I couldn’t embarrass myself by throwing a tantrum in public either – I was Rolland Raven’s daughter and, in his presence or not, wouldn’t allow disgrace to befall our manipulative family and its name.

I stared at my phone’s screen with pursed lips and fervent eyes. The image my shrunken pupils couldn’t unglue themselves from featured a small beach bar. Palms in the far back, a child on its way to trip in the bottom left corner and a seagull eyeing its inanimate victim in the upper left one. They seemed like good pizza rolls. In the centre, like a Renaissance painting, stood Uncle Nick and Uncle Terry, George Tanner Senior – the bearer of the pizza rolls, my obviously sunburnt father, Natalie, a guy who I guessed was IT based on how dreadfully skinny he was and of course, Levi. The intern was on a small stool with a drink in one hand and a pretty little girl pushed into the other. Her bikini-clad breasts were pressed against his naked chest and her bright smile struck me as immensely fake all the way from New Jersey through the phone I was gazing at. Levi’s twitchy fingers were hesitantly ghosting over her skin, but had I not paid attention to the detail, I would’ve immediately assumed they were pretty close if not straight-up dating.

You’ll wonder what of that wasn’t fun for my pretentious highness and I’ll tell you that maybe it’s the one where my father was the one to send me this picture instead of the intern who I’d been texting for the past two days non-stop. Or maybe the part where the raven-haired asshole hadn’t once mentioned the blondie to his right during those two days. Not wishing to be overdramatic, I kept looking at my phone with a listless expression instead of scowling for being held in the dark about some random chick the intern had met on their vacation, but I could feel my stare growing emptier as my interest in today’s good weather and opportunities to have fun gradually evaporated.

“I ordered the drinks,” Adam said while sitting down across from me. “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” His voice snapped me out of the trance. I placed my phone face-down on the table. There were no benefits whatsoever to us looking at the stupid picture so there was no use in showing it to the world either. I smiled as a nasty ball of phrases got stuck in the back of my throat. Ignoring it, I tried to be as benevolent as possible considering I had literally nothing to be mad about. Levi was just an intern, just a friend. The girl next to him and their relationship were none of my business. I wasn’t his girlfriend or secretary.

“I’m sure.” I nodded. Adam huffed, tucking a wavy lock of his ebony hair behind his ear and making me sigh on the inside. Usually, I’d make fun of Levi for not sending me the picture himself, tease him about the blonde and feel absolutely nothing because that’s how it’d been between us. We did things and whether the other liked them or not was unimportant because we didn’t feel much for each other. Now, of course, here came this thing – I didn’t want to ask and tease, too fearful of ruining his vacation by repeating all over again past mistakes of shoving my nose in personal matters.

“You don’t look too well,” Adam remarked, icy blue orbs scanning my face. I kept smiling and it might’ve made him uncomfortable enough to dismiss the topic altogether. He didn’t make a second comment on it. My hands played with the silver on my ring finger, cold and reassuring. As if.

The next day, to nobody’s surprise it would seem, my mother took her leave with a bang grand and startling enough to make my eyelids snap open faster than the speed of sound. A grunt left my parted lips and I slapped a hand to my face to use as a comb. My bladder called for release, but my body decided not to function, so I ended up tumbling to the floor and greeting it with a kiss. Not a good start to any day. My eyes teared up and my wrist hurt, and I could feel my left leg was still on the bed, strangled by the sheets. It took me a minute and a few curses to get up and make an appearance in front of the bathroom mirror.

I washed my face and combed my hair, then approached Levi’s room with a nonchalant call of his nickname only to choke on a horrified gasp at the sight of the empty interior. Half-asleep mind going back to the strange dream I’d had, I stared at the dust coating the parquet and the pristine bed covers with vacant eyes. I closed the door slowly, heavy sigh slipping out as I reached the conclusion there’d be no need to make Earl Grey today along with my coffee. It left a bitter taste in my mouth to break a routine like that. Felt weird, too. Weirder even than the fact I’d made both drinks instinctively this Tuesday after they’d already left.

I would’ve taken my phone to the kitchen if it hadn’t been for the disappointingly low battery percentage that forced me to leave it to charge in my room. In five minutes, I was sitting at the marble counter with a steaming coffee in front of me, zoning out and pondering the fractions of my dream I could recollect. My bedroom had been stuffy and the hallway had been glowing with early sunlight. An instinctual turn to the guest room. Empty insides. I’d looked through the wardrobe for his clothes, searched for the books he stacked by the desk, the paperwork he always assembled neatly on top. There had been only dust.

I could recall sitting on the bed and opening the nightstand’s first drawer to find a glistening silver ring inside. Not the one I wore. The one he’d been supposed to wear and had probably thrown out. Then there was my father materialising at the doorstep, telling me to get out, breakfast was ready, my boyfriend was waiting downstairs (not Eren), my lecture was starting in an hour. No intern. He’d left long ago. He’d left long long ago. No trace of him anywhere.

I put down my coffee with a snort, letting the cryptic paranoia win. My feet padded up the stairs to the guest room despite the raw cynicism begging to spill from my mouth. I barged into Levi’s room and opened the wardrobe. It was full of suits and long-sleeved shirts, pants and T-shirts folded neatly and laid at the bottom. Half of his books were stacked in alphabetical order by the desk and there was no paperwork on top of it, but the pedantic color-coordinated arrangement of pens made up for it. I sat on the bed and looked around – the golden glow matched that of my faded dream, but the air was still heavy with Levi’s lavender shampoo and strong cologne. My hand reached for the nightstand. I didn’t know what I was expecting or hoping for, but the theatrical display was cut off by my own coarse laughter. The derision in it was great enough to make my fingers withdraw.

Nothing, nothing, nothing. I’m going fucking crazy. I tumbled sideways onto the pillow and sighed. God, so we finally agree on something! Asshole-me made me scoff. I stayed just long enough to feel the immense need to leave, overborne by the realisation the intern wouldn’t enter and scold me for invading his privacy or question the whereabouts of his morning cup of tea. With all my insolence, I took a brook from the pile by the desk and returned to the kitchen, ready to start the day with some French lessons and a dose of caffeine. I was in the middle of the second chapter, where the main heroine was telling the story of how she’d gotten smitten with her late husband, when I heard my muffled ringtone echo in the empty house. My memory served as a bookmark and I rushed upstairs to answer the call without checking the ID. I expected Adam, Annie, Melinda or even my father, but asshole-me insisted otherwise. Neither of us believed he’d be calling.

“How’s my princess doing at six in the morning? I hope I woke you up.” It was weird. Weird, refreshing and warm somehow. He sounded bored. No other way for it to go. I bit my bottom lip and snorted. I had a role to play here.

“You did, asshole, much like you do every other day.” My white lie probably went unnoticed because he only huffed, satisfied with himself. I faked a grumpy voice while asking: “What are you doing up this early?” It wasn’t curiosity. It was carrying the conversation.

“Making myself a tea and your father – a coffee. He’ll need it after yesterday’s cocktails.” His heavy sigh signalled to me who’d been the responsible babysitter while everybody else had been drinking. Uncle Terry and Nick loved to get carried away. Levi had enough experience with babysitting anyway. I wondered whether he’d tucked any of them into bed and whether they’d been wasted enough to commit atrocities, but asshole-me put the questions to rest by taking the wheel.

“On the topic of cocktails, my caring father didn’t forget to inform me of the White Woman you drowned. Tasty or is blonde not for you?” My back was leaning against the wall as the raven on the other end of the line clicked his tongue in mild annoyance. I imagined his face – sunburnt, scowling and tired. Maybe the lilac crescents would still be visible. If they were, had the pretty blonde noticed?

“Hold back the malice, princess. The cocktail was a Grasshopper, whatever that means, and the girl is an intern that flew in from Germany. Your father probably forgot to tell you that.” I felt the irrational need to roll my eyes so hard they got stuck in the back of my head and saved my all future conversations about this other intern we’d most certainly lead. I attempted, failed and fixed my gaze on the TV.

“Like he forgets to tell me he loves me. Both still seem pretty significant,” I shot out condescendingly, making Levi sigh. 6 a.m. or not, I wouldn’t let go of my demeaning confidence. I paused, thought of the tiredness in his voice and gave a sigh of my own. “Since I don’t want to ruin anything for you this early in the morning, I’m just going to say I hope you’re having fun. Don’t think about work. It’s not what you’re there for.”

“Interesting you should mention work. How’s the job at the supermarket going?” I decided not to take it personally after the conversation we’d led this Monday. I knew at least one passive joke awaited.

“Balanaces out as always. Okay paycheck and a not okay boss.” I shrugged, avoiding the mention of Adam’s name and waiting for my raven-haired friend to slip him into the conversation himself. We hadn’t talked about it properly. Maybe we had to at some point. Or maybe not, I squeaked mentally. A serious talk about Adam and I would result in nothing at all. Worse, likely an argument.

“And your suitor?” It was expected, light-hearted and unbothered as could be. I tried to picture his face but something hindered the image. I concluded the less I reacted, the less he would make such comments, hence why I refrained from sighing or making a sour face at the wall for fear he’d sense.

“Adam’s also fine, thank you for asking. He took me out yesterday,” I informed casually. Then again, I hadn’t meant to. I panicked about it, asshole-me shrugged her shoulders in oblivion and we both anticipated the intern’s reaction, knowing the spoiled princess points might’ve been boosted to a 40/100. Levi, however, did exactly what was expected of him – no more and no less.

“So now I get to call him your boyfriend?” The mocking inquiry didn’t harm my pride, but it made my defences rise. Maybe it was the unreasonable dislike for the word I harboured, still considering it a title only Eren was worthy enough of.

“You’re insufferable. No, you don’t get to call him anything besides his name because we’re not together.” My tone was spiteful, I was shaking my head, struggling not to glare or overreact. The joke didn’t deserve a temper tantrum, much less actual anger. As the mind-reader he was (or simple a good judge of conversations’ quality), Levi sensed my tone and took a risk by diving into unexplored territory.

“Maybe you should be. I don’t think even Leonheardt would blame you if you started dating. In most cases, you need a new guy to forget the old one.” The calming voice over the line I matched to a pair of beautiful narrowed eyes, ashen hues pinned to the floor. The advice towards the end had been strangely soft, almost knowing, as if having been tested, failed, succeeded and acknowledged. My heart clenched but I didn’t let it show.

“Thanks for enlightening me, Sherlock, I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I sassed sarcastically, making the raven sigh. Alongside the sound I imagined a pale hand going up to his hair to brush it away from his face. I moved the phone away from my ear to huff before pursing my lips with a half-hearted glare. “Also, you’re literally the last person I want to hear this from. I could start pushing you into getting with every girl that hits on you, but I don’t because I’m a good friend,” I boasted fakely, making the raven-haired intern snort in mild condescension.

“A best friend, rather. Only a friend wouldn’t comfort me as passionately as you have.” It was an accident, I could tell, but it made my windpipe constrict. My mouth clamped shut in shame so similar to fear it was uncanny. On the one hand, he was clueless how his albeit correct grammar in English added a nuanced subtext to the sentence. On the other hand, he was right. “Sorry. I know you don’t like it when I---” He tried hitting the pause and restarting but it was too late. I’d already turned into a ball of insecurity and I’d rather resent myself than him for it.

“Yes, I don’t. It’s whatever, no need for apologies, asshole. It happens, we slip. If I apologised for every time you didn’t like something I said we wouldn’t be talking at all.” My voice was nonchalant and it spoke of benevolent forgiveness but I could feel my resolve crumble while looking at the wall our rooms shared. A slimy ball of distaste formed in the back of my throat, crawling up to the tip of my tongue when I heard an ecstatic female voice call Levi’s name in the background. I spat the ball out and it hit the phone before dropping in my lap. “Sounds like better company has made an appearance. My highness better go.”

I hung up before he could respond, heart hammering and eyes closing in exhaustion. This wasn’t how the call should’ve gone, but it was inevitable, as with every other conversation we’d led. My shoulders slouched as I tried not to think about the happening at the hotel they were staying over at where the beautiful blonde had called Levi’s name in a way I’d never get the guts to. I remembered the photo and my shoulders tensed. She looked like a supermodel, just shorter. The perfect girl you come across randomly. You pass her on the street and hate yourself for not talking to her, but know you would’ve fumbled it even if you did. You see her in the background of a selfie your best friend sends you from the airport – a stranger that’s gorgeous in and out of the picture. You wonder what her name is. You remember her from time to time, give her without her consent as an example of the fact God has favourites. That type of looker. If attraction overruled duty, I might take second to last spot by the end of this vacation. Then again, why should I care?

“We need to talk.” Annie’s gaze was made of steel and her resolve had chained me to the table before she’d even spoken. My eyes briefly darted up from my phone to observe her somber countenance prior to dipping again in impatience. Levi hadn’t texted me once today after the phone call. I’d been sure he would. Now I was starting to doubt my judgement.

“What about?” The little icons on the screen pissed me off. The lack of notifications pissed me off. Why? I wasn’t sure. The fact I was frustrated pissed me off too. I put the phone on the table face-down. My best friend’s eyes were an icy hue I seldom enjoyed crossing paths with and her arms were folded across her chest, like a strict mother about to scold her child.

“Ackerman.” The surname immediately made me think of Mikasa, which, in turn, brought Eren to mind, but before I could say anything, Annie cut straight to the chase: “Do you like him?” The pronoun made me switch gears, but while I was busy processing, asshole-me took the reigns and spoke instead.

“Excuse me? Do I like him? Annie, have you gone mad?” My tone told the long tale of how offended I was to be asked that. I blinked at the blonde across from me, hoping to have misheard her but it was a petty attempt at avoidance – there was nothing wrong with my hearing and Annie hadn’t stuttered. She rolled her eyes before brushing her bangs behind her ear with a scoff.

“I’m perfectly sane and my question is logical when you think of all that’s happened between you two in the past few months,” she reasoned calmly, almost coldly so, in a manner I recognised as impatient to get this whole topic over with. She crossed her legs and stared at me with a self-assured pout. “Now give me an answer.” The command was imperative enough to mak me bite back whatever I’d planned on saying. Attacking her and dodging the question would prove her point, so I took a deep breath and resorted to the truth. How humiliating.

“… I don’t.” The pause made the blonde quirk a skeptical eyebrow, but maybe it hadn’t been the pause at all – no, it had been the words after it. My gaze locked with hers and my composure didn’t falter once. “I mean it. I thought I did for some time. Even back when Eren and I were together. It was a fear of mine, that I might like him, but I was proven time and time again that it wasn’t like that. It hit me hard around my birthday but…” My eyes dipped to the table as I stopped my hands from impulsitvely reaching to fidget with the pendant of the necklace Levi had given me.

“But?” Annie pushed, gentle and cold, not exactly willing to believe just yet. I understood her. Truly, I did. I’d be the same in her place, but I had the unfortunate luck of being in my own, confused but adamant to give her a satisfactory honest answer. No, I didn’t like Levi. I liked to think I did, but Eren was still on my mind. Levi was the perfect thing to keep him away. I was manipulative and disheartened, needing a way out of the emotional tangle I’d gotten myself into. A pitiful smile crawled over my lips.

“But I can’t like him. I mean, I don’t. I’m not jealous of Petra or Natalie, or his current blondie. I’m sad because I enjoy his attention. I got used to it and when it’s not there, I get frustrated. That hardly translates as liking him. If anything, I’m using him, which is, again, pretty villain-y of me.” I bit back a sour chuckle and looked up at Annie with her elbows propped on the table – she’d picked it up from Erwin. Her expression was worried.

“Are you sure?” She inquired softly, but I was capable of sensing the urgency in her tone, like she couldn’t hold back her latent joy. This had been the answer she’d hoped for, not the one she’d expected, and she didn’t like that it was too good to be true, too cold to be me, too easy to get to be honest. I had no way or intention of making her doubts dissolve.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” A smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. There was a stir in my chest. Guilty conscience. Or something. I didn’t know.

“Because you just avoided answering me,” she retorted, making my smile widen as I snorted in satisfaction. I loved it when Annie tried to be all clever and insightful with me, and I had to admit it worked most of the time, but now she was following a gut feeling she couldn’t back with proof.

“I have Adam to distract me and I’m still sad when Eren gets mentioned, so I don’t think I have the emotional capacity to fall for my father’s intern at the moment, much less when he’ll be leaving in four months. I’m neither that dumb nor masochistic,” I explained as plainly as I could, hoping to get through to her and save us further worries and questioning. My smile had tamed its smugness but Annie was clearly set on pushing me into a confession of something I’d hardly considered a possibility.

“And you still make out with him and act like you’re a couple.” The statement, in a world where I was raised by Jared Raven, would’ve left my mouth and slapped Levi across the face. But this wasn’t that world and I was the one who got slapped. Unfortunately, it was insulting of Annie to say it but, fortunately, it didn’t upset as much as I’d anticipated it would. Maybe I’d accustomed to thinking it, too and having asshole-me rebuff it completely, much like she’d rebuffed the whole concept of me having romantic feelings for Levi. The same mean voice that told me I had weeks, in the beginning, before falling for him. A brain of her own, always going against me.

“We’re not a couple and the physical contact is because I don’t have Eren and I don’t want to be whoring around, throwing myself at Adam,” I justified with an innocent expression. Annie’s resolve was shaken to the point she reclined in her chair and groaned in obvious defeat, making me bite back a smirk.

“Fine, you’re my best friend and I choose to believe you, but I assure you nobody else would, no matter how convincingly detached your arguments are.” I threw her a conceited look and she snorted prior to meeting my gaze, a new question at the tip of her tongue. “On a similar topic, Ackerman’s somebody who can get chicks wherever he goes, but he only has eyes and ears for you. Sounds like love to me.” Her nonchalant manner of stating it only proved she was yet to change the topic and went about pursuing answers a different way.

“Sounds like care to me. He’s told me he cares and just this morning we re-established our friend labels, so I’m hardly inclined to believe he has feelings for me other than that.” I shrugged, reluctantly leaning back and tilting my head at Annie challengingly. She was far from manipulating me into admitting anything, but she thought otherwise, as shown by the next argument she blurted out.

“So what’s his excuse for kissing you?” Oh, how sardonic a question. She was smirking and I tried not to give the reaction she awaited – embarrassment and being flustered on the topic of something I myself considered confusing. I took a big breath and flashed a big benevolent smile before licking my lips in mild spite. Innocent until proven guilty, so please let me be innocent despite the evidence.

“Ask him, not me,” I countered calmly, knowing Annie was bluffing to check how vigorously I’d defend myself in case I’d been lying for the past few minutes. She was disappointed, to say the least, almost making me smile at the weird reaction. Any person in her stead would beam in exultation.

“All I’m saying is,” she began diplomatically,” you’re oblivious dumbasses and you need to start noticing it, taking into account how intelligent you are otherwise.” Her position remained in the same spot. Levi and I were idiots, who, in her opinion, liked each other. How stupid a notion. I might’ve had my period of infatuation, but my father’s intern would never get to his and that was something I believed as unconditionally as I’d believed in the Tooth Fairy as a kid.

“Oh, shut up. I don’t want to hear this from you, Miss No-I-Won’t-Accept-Erwin-Likes-Me-Until-He-Straight-Up-Offers-Me-Marriage,” I drawled mockingly, making the blonde snort so violently my nostrils gave hers their condolences.

“Go suck a dick.” My best friend’s love confession came in its usual harsh manner, so cordial and forced it made me laugh before I shot it down.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to teach me how first.” She threw herself across the table at me, pretending to choke me while seething with embarrassment. I cackled and the bullet was dodged when she joined me. Some questions were answered. I only hoped I’d given the appropriate answers, not the versions best suited to my pitiful nature. But manipulating myself into believing something I knew was a lie wasn’t possible. Right?

Later the same night, I received the following message:

I need a break from this vacation.

If it wasn’t obvious enough who it was from, clearly enough attention was not being paid to the whole of this. When my father’s intern texted me, I was brought back to my conversation with Annie. I’d been honest with her. I knew the signs of liking somebody and they were nowhere to be found. No butterflies, no heart palpitations, no obsessiveness, even normal things like a healthy pinch of jealousy were absent.

You’re a fucking idiot, asshole. Who gets tired from relaxation? I pressed send, absent-minded and thoughtful, trying to compare my feelings for Eren to those for Levi. I wasn’t dumb – I knew different kinds of love existed, but if I had to measure scores and grade my own feelings, those for Eren – albeit faded – still won. Strange.

I obviously do. I don’t feel comfortable wasting my time like this. I picked up my phone when it dinged, letting me read the ridiculous reply. How introverted and workaholic of him. Both traits were justfied, though. Everything about him was justified by past experiences whereas with Eren the unexplainable was also unexpected, always a surprise. The spurts of rage in our junior year, his unreasonable obsession with boxing, his fits of suspicion and accusations, the tic he developed back in middle school – all things I couldn’t explain no matter how much I analysed them.

What do you say about a movie marathon when you come back? I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to rid you of even more work. I sent the text and dropped the phone on my stomach, plopping back on my bed with a sigh. Levi was different from Eren – his whole character was a set of action-reaction workings. I was poor as a child with a mother who worked too much to clean – so let’s be obsessed with everything being clean. My mother’s my reason for living, she’s sick and money’s the solution – so let’s work myself to the bone. Attachments hurt because I’ve gotten burned and I dislike them – so let’s be hostile to everybody to prevent them. If I do it, it’ll be done right and it’ll succeed and if not, only I’ll be to blame – so let’s be a control-freak. Petra’s death and Kuchel’s condition were things he blamed himself for despite that.

It’s a deal if you leave the organisation to me. The message snapped me out of my daze. I was thankful he hadn’t called me because he’d most certainly ask why I sounded weird and I didn’t want to explain it was because I was admiring the way in which a machine with so many broken parts worked flawlessly enough to deceive the majority.

Oh, no! I don’t know what I’ll do without my right to make popcorn and pick the movies. The sarcastic reply didn’t match the expression on my face. You know mom and dad will be visiting their usual hotel around that time, right? Double-texting – oh, the humiliation.

Doesn’t make a difference. First, there was something warm in my chest. It was cute how, bit by bit, native English speakers were corrupting the strict Subject-Verb-Object structure he’d been taught at school. Then, there was that other thing. He was lying. I wondered if he also felt a little pinch when I lied to him as well. I doubted it. Wouldn’t have an inch of skin left to pinch.

It will for me because I’ll be able to scream at the TV. The short reasoning left me staring at the ceiling mindlessly. The buzz of Levi’s reply distracted me. I processed now what we’d been texting about. A movie marathon sounded good. The fact he’d agreed was good too, slightly suspicious taking into account he’d most likely want to work instead, but still good.

Fine. Day of return or the one after? It was unlike Like, this question. I didn’t dwell it on and hummed in thought before deciding I didn’t want to think anymore at all. My head was about to blow up with all these feelings I was trying to decipher.

We’ll decide on the move. I think you should be going to bed now. A headache was pushing at my temples. The best course of action was to cut this short. He’d rest and I’d fetch myself an aspirin from my father’s office. Sweet dreams, asshole. I was staring at the message, characteristic but not sarcasic, when his reply popped up – longer than expected. Also wittier and slightly flirtatious, upon further observation.

Make sure yours have me in them. I have to babysit you constantly, after all. Goodnight, princess. I blinked at my phone for the overall of ten seconds before turning it off and pressing it against my chest. A wondrous grin pulled at the corners of my mouth. No signs of love – no butterflies, no giddiness, no accelerated heartbeat. Why the smile though? I buried my face in my pillow. My feet kicked around.

“(Y/N), stop squealing in the middle of the night! I don’t need this six hours before my alarm rings!” My mother’s reproachful shriek made my feet halt in the air as if held up by invisible strings. I hadn’t realised I’d squealed. I propped myself up and clamped my mouth shut in shame. I didn’t know what got into me, acting like… like this, whatever this was.

“Sorry, mom!” I called sheepishly, having done the damage already. I plopped down but there was no squealing this time. There was only more of that grinning I didn’t understand. No lies there. It frustrated me that I didn’t know myself well enough, wasn’t smart enough to understand it. Pointing out the many things I lacked, however, didn’t help me understand it either.

“I watered the garden, baked a fucking batch of cookies, roasted a whole-ass chicken, cleaned the whole house and I’m still bored,” I groaned into the speaker and Levi took some time to process everything I’d said. True to my words, I’d started the day with a shower and a deep-clean of the house. Once all the germs had been annihilated, I’d decided to cook, then when the house stank of food and I’d opened the door to the backyard, I’d seen the rose bushes were in need of watering, which was exactly what I’d handled next. Now I was bored out of my mind, a pair of sunglasses perched atop the bridge of my nose as I lied in the grass, looking like I was about to invent a new kind of snow angel without the snow.

“Good afternoon to you as well,” the raven-haired intern greeted flatly. I only groaned again, eyes straying towards the roses surrounding me and the pool to my left – beautiful but not entertaining. I pushed my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose and scratched the back of my neck where the grass tickled it.

“Good afternoon, asshole. I want you to tell me a story.” The command was met with silence, muffled waves crashing into sand, some clearing of the throat, a single sigh devoid of positive emotions and the cry of a hungry seagull. I cringed, nose scrunching up at the noise before it made me realise Levi was on the beach, probably lying on a towel and dealing with me instead of having fun.

“There was once an eighteen-year-old princess who---”

“An actual story,” I cut off quickly, not appreciating the sarcasm. The raven snorted in that specific way I knew was always accompanied by a narrow of his eyes. I wondered if he had sunglasses on and if he did – would they leave a ridiculous mask while the rest of his face reddened in the sun? Maybe he’d put on sunscreen. I couldn’t help smiling at the image of his red nose and on top of it – a thick layer of white cream. The thought – logical even in being unreasonable – that followed made my smile turn upside down. It went like this:

If he’d applied sunscreen, who’d been the one to get his back? The pretty German blondie?

“It is an actual story. I thought your highness liked being the main character.” His mockery put my train of thought back on track only so it coud then start a self-deprecating game of Cards Against Humanity with asshole-me. Funny how I was isolated to the point I had to listen to my own conscience insult me.

“I get tired of being me. I don’t want to listen about myself right now,” I said pointedly. Maybe I was jealous he was on vacation with my father when I had to stay at home and be a self-taught maid on minimum wage of zero dollars per hour, but I couldn’t help it – the intern had gradually shifted our family’s dynamic and it frustrated me that he’d managed it in less than six months without even trying.

“Fine, something else is it then,” he concluded with a sign of defeat. I listened intently, pressing the phone closer to my ear. “I really wanted a pet when I was younger, but my mother said we couldn’t afford it. One day, there was a downpour and I was returning from high school. Tucked by the entrance was a drenched kitten. Meeting you reminded me of that.” The small addition made my eyes close in mild bashfulness at the expected softness in his voice. He cleared his throat and proceeded while I imagined him in the grass next to me though he’d refuse to sit down. “Anyways. I took pity on it and took it inside. I kept it a secret for a whole week before it took a shit in the middle of the living room and blew our cover.”

“And Kuchel?” I bit back a chuckle at the conclusion of the story. I could imagine a young Levi bathing and taking care of a little black kitten (no other colour made sense), having to shush its meowing as he went to sleep because his mother could hear. It was a cute little picture, an ebony-haired teenager feeding a charcoal-coloured ball of fur in secret. The notion seemed simple and pure. A small act of kindness which had formed a bond.

“What do you think?” He asked, voice devoid of snark. As brief as my conversation with Kuchel had been, I gathered she was probably the kindest and most selfless person I’d ever talked to. Needless to say, she’d passed down a big part of that to her son, but he, defensive and skeptical, had decided to cover it in multiple layers of indifference and reluctance. He saved it up, but his mother gave it away like she had an endless reserve.

“I think she agreed to keep it. She probably pulled the usual parent-speech and said it would help you become more responsible,” I said, confident in my logic but earger to receive confirmation. It reminded of a childhood memory. Hitch and I had been arguing and I’d run to my father for support, only to be told I’d been wrong. Bawling in outrage, I’d felt my father’s hands take mine as he prompted me (“Come on, princess. Anything at all.”) to say something. The only thing six-year-old me had come up with (“I love you.”) had been typical and childish. His smile had turned into a grin, soft and ground and his response (“That’s right. And I love you, (Y/N), because you’re my most important thing, not because you can subtract numbers.”) had made it one of my fondest memories of my father, so uncharacteristically loving it could make me laugh now.

“It doesn’t take a lot to figure out my mother. Yes, we kept the fur ball and I took care of it for a while until Isabel’s allergies made us give it away. My best friend – Farlan – took it in.” The explanation prompted a mental note of the name I hadn’t heard until now.

“What did you name it?” I piped, realising I’d missed the most important part of the story. Levi kept silent – strangely so. He was hesitant, I realised, probably because he didn’t want me to hear it. If I had luck, it would be something stupid and cute, like Mr. Snuggles or Fufu.

“… Pluie.” The pitiful yet stoic utterance came as a shock, the rude awakening that he, too, had been a naïve teenager once upon a time. I laughed so loudly I heard a bird take flight from the branch of a tree a few feet away. My stomach twisted in amusement.

“You seriously named the cat rain?” I spoke between fits of giggles, sensing Levi’s annoyance rise to boil on the other end of the line, like a kettle threatening to burst. My ear became collateral damage as a result of the spillage.

“I was a fucking fourteen-year-old, don’t give me shit about that,” he scolded, imperative tone with an embarrassed tinge that only made me laugh harder. I rolled around the grass, clutching my phone with one hand and my abdomen with the other. I imagined Levi’s constipated expression – tired and as far from amused as a face could go – with his sunglasses on his nose and the breeze making his locks sway slightly. I wondered if he’d give up on me completely and end the call, but he waited for me to calm down and speak again instead.

“… I love it,” I concluded warmly after a small pause. He sighed but I couldn’t pinpoint the kind of face that went with it. A smile stretched my lips when an idea hit me – so innocent and naïve it couldn’t go unspoken. “If I visit France someday, I want to see him.”

“He’s a really vicious cat, but I’m sure you’ll get along since you’re both spoiled,” he hummed, nonchalant and in the mood to humour me. I snorted, a bitter smile surfacing as I gazed up at the sky – so beautiful it annoyed me to look at. It was a strange logic, but the blue reminded of the specks and thinking of them reminded of the fact I couldn’t see them, wouldn’t see them for four more days. I let my lids drop to avoid the sight.

“Very funny,” I stated, a scornful type of ice dripping off my tongue – as fake as my Aunt Petunia’s smiles if not directed at darling George. I paused, reaching for my sunglasses and let my thoughts drift in a brand new direction. “If you had your own house one day,” my voice was curious like a child’s, “would you take Pluie back?” I needn’t ponder the answer because he’d give it any second now.

“Of course. He might be an annoying fur ball I’ll constantly have to clean up after, but he’s a good companion.” I imagined him still lying on his towel, warm sand tickling his feet like the grass tickled mine, with his firm gaze glued to the horizon. His expression wouldn’t fit the sunscreen smeared on his face, making it almost comical. I wished to bear witness to it. Alas, I was in my backyard, rolling around in the grass like a dog and praying not to die of boredom. The roses and the empty pool kept me company, but neither provided comfort – Levi’s voice was there for that.

“I don’t know why but imagining you with an animal is nearly impossible,” I half-mocked, half-admitted, hoping he would come to notice neither. Instead, he noticed both and, as always, wasn’t one bit moved by the lack of subtlety in the tactless display.

“That’s because Pluie is the only animal I tolerate. Others require too much care and effort. Some are also exceptionally nasty,” he explained, simple and succinct, and him to the point it made my smile like he’d told a joke. My lids fluttered open and I lifted my left hand to my face. The silver band reflected the sun into my narrowed eyes.

“You sound like a terrible person when you talk like that, asshole. Thank God for Pluie,” I joked, mesmerised by the ring’s sheen. Holding the phone between my ear and shoulder, I took it off and held it up. When I squinted, the miniature circle seemed to encapsulate the great blue sky and all its clouds. I speculated, like a scientist on the brink of a great discovery, if this was how majestic everything would look as seen thought the silver band. The house would be a palace with sculptured and paintings, the garden – a vast field of exotic flowers, the roses – whole worlds of aroma, the plain grass – God’s rendition of the most simplistic of loveliness. It was either the wonder of happiness borne of marriage or just a hallucination my mind graced me with prior to a stroke.

“I hear you judging, but you’re not an ardent animal lover yourself.” Levi’s words made me blink like somebody had clapped their hands in front of my face, waking me from a trance. The silver ring slipped from my hold and rolled in the grass. I mindlessly propped myself on my elbows to look for it.

“That one wasn’t up to me. I wanted a dog when I was little, but my parents were too busy almost getting divorced to care and when that died down, they didn’t trust me enough with a pet. By the time I got into high school, I got used to the idea. That’s that.” My hands roamed the ground, feverishly seeking the ring. My panic dissipated when I felt it – an instant sedative.

“If you come to France, I could let you take care of Pluie,” the intern suggested ever so kindly. I collapsed next to my fallen sunglasses, slipping the ring back on my finger with a huff. The urge to be leading this conversation with him face to face was burning, insistent and annoying.

“Your offer is too generous. I doubt there’s a future for me in France besides being Pluie’s caretaker and that wouldn’t pay much, would it now?” I mocked weakly, voice soft and casual.

“I’ll make sure I support you properly, princess. It’s only my duty as your friend.” The stiffness in his timbre was odd, like something having found shelter in the wrong place. Maybe the universe was laughing at my expression or maybe it was just the echo of asshole-me cackling so hysterically she almost choked. Served her right. I was silent and tense all over and the intern was attempting to become the one snack I couldn’t afford to have. I was on a fucking diet for fuck’s sake. Then there was that voice again – the perfect blondie – calling his name.

“And I can hear your new friend calling in the back. We should probably---”

“Hold up. Don’t you dare hang up like last time,” he cut off my haste, threatening without actually telling me what the consequences would be. “We’ll talk about this when I get back. Don’t jump to conclusions, princess. Understood?” He was the strict babysitter and I was the child, even though I didn’t feel like one. I felt like I did that one time Eren told me (“I don’t see the point in me flirting with others when I have you.”) not to worry about other girls, when he held my hand and looked into my eyes, promising (“I love you so fucking much you have no idea.” “Die for me and all that jazz, yeah?” “No. I’ll live for you because that’s way harder.”) he loved nobody but me. Only me.

“Understood, asshole. Have fun.” I smiled despite the little gnawing feeling at the back of my mind. I felt calm and at ease when he hung up even when the blondie kept calling his name. I trusted him like I trusted Eren because he’d had eyes only for me. Little spoiled me. How I’d fucked us both over. How mean. Levi, I was sure, didn’t have eyes only for me even if Annie would argue herself to the moon and back disproving it, but I trusted him just as unconditionally. That part was my own duty.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #been ages since i posted an update here #editing got the best of me #the word count of this went dooooooown #but here we go a filler episode in the life of an abandoned confused teenager who thinks she's very smart #i'm frothing at the mouth thinking of what's to come lol #until then enjoy

[stilemawillow]

Hello! Sorry if im asking in a wrong time but i was wondering if you are planing on making a part three of stuck at the bottom pirate au? Love your work 🩷

i'm sorry for replying so late. honestly, the pirate au is a pretty old work of mine and i tend to forget it exists lol. i haven't previously considered a third part, but i guess i can try to come up with something, seeing as i'm experiencing a bit of writer's block and any suggestion is better than no suggestion. i'm not promising anything, though, because i tend to work slowly

thank you for taking the time to write to me, btw. i'm glad to hear you enjoy my stories <3

#writing shitpost #shitpost #anon ask #kind people be like: this anon

[stilemawillow]

Zenith [Levi | Blind! Reader | Soulmate AU!]

"This is fucking bullshit." Was the one brave invective not one person in the room had dared voice despite everybody's desire to do so. The figures - seated, standing or otherwise having placed themselves about the interior of the spacious office - reached the ultimate number of five. A random insignificant number they didn't seem to pay attention to or grasp the meaning of. Five was a steady number that could easily ruin itself - not a personal favourite of most people one came across even though they would hardly have time to think of a preferred number in a world such as the one they inhabited. Analogically, five's qualities were of no importance whatsoever to the members of the supposedly secret meeting currently holding place.

Standing in front of everybody, with his callused index finger pointing at a specific spot on a detailed map, Erwin Smith raised a thick blond eyebrow for everybody to see. The prominent question it posed - is everything clear? - would unanimously be given an affirmative answer but that didn't stop most from wishing to shake their heads in fake misunderstanding instead, just for the sake of being obstinate. The situation's sombre atmosphere prevented that from happening by inflicting professionalism upon those listening to the plan of action, with its one purpose being to draw results nearly as quick as they would be positive. It was Erwin's speciality - acquiring positive results through efficient plans.

The one to have requested the founding and application of such an efficient plan was standing by the open window, tall and bearded, with his arms crossed over the breast pocket of his uniform and his dark eyes tracing every movement in the room. Nile Dok had been reluctant to ask help of the Survey Corps' Commander and his most trusted subordinates but as long as the unsuitable (not to mention humiliating) phrase could be substituted by the better-sounding impose his command the raven-haired superior felt no need to admit his helplessness. Ordered to do anything he thought would reap results the quickest had immediately made him think of his old friend and fellow Commander, but now he was rather dissatisfied with his own actions.

A few feet away from him Hanji Zoe - most vivacious and outspoken of the five - was seated at the table with her brows knitted and her usually smiling lips curled downwards. If that wasn't enough of a shock, the following comparison would make up for it: a blind person could probably tell she was morose. The woman who would've been maybe the second person to object to Erwin's plan was now only frowning at the map in front of her, head and mouth both devoid of words that might as well be called 'an act of insubordination' if ever spoken aloud. The scientist's brown gaze wasn't flittering about as it normally would and had instead chosen to stare at the spot Erwin's finger stood over as if hypnotised.

Across from her weirdly silent self sat Mike Zacharius, second in abilities and power only to Humanity's Strongest Soldier, with one of his hands running through his dirty blond locks and the other one resting atop the polished table - stiff and tense, and ready to take action though nothing dangerous was close. Besides being strong and responsible for a lot of confidential information, Zacharius was famous for the one thing nobody else had or could acquire - his extremely acute sense of smell. Now his nose told him a long tale of all the emotions in the room: frustration, pride and indignation mixed with thoughtfulness and confusion, but a clear sense of malodorous reproach outshone them all and its source was unmistakable.

Levi Ackerman, besides occasionally being vulgar and oozing raw austerity 90% of the time, was also the one person who, in such a moment of unprecedented stupidity, would've been most vocal about his negative opinion. Now he was leaning against the wall across from Mike, glaring daggers at his blond Commander, with his slender finger pointedly tapping away at his bicep. Maybe it was wordlessly articulating an angry rant in morse code nobody in the room could understand. Either way, a clear sense of reproach rolled off of his body like waves, hitting everybody present as hard as a heavy rock would hit their head if properly guided by a malicious hand. Levi's discontent with the situation was obvious, but his usually harsh tongue was yet to lash out and choose itself a victim.

"It seems to me nobody will offer an objection," Nile Dok began in a stiff tone that attracted only one person's fleeting attention, "so I'll be the first to do it." Four pairs of calculating orbs turned to look at him now, unaffected by the beginning of his sentence and completely baffled by the remainder. Suspicion was present in the air and doubt lingered about the small cracks in the paint on the tall ceiling yet the anticipant silence was not disrupted; the Survey Corps' higher-ups gave him permission to speak. "Levi Ackerman is unsuitable for the job." It was all he had to say, if the subsequent stillness was anything to go by.

"Levi is my most reliable man." Erwin intervened with a diplomatic tone that made Mike's eyebrows raise in brief surprise and Nile's lips part in objection. "He's been on such a mission before so he has both experience and skill. I don't see anything that would deem him unfit for the mission in this case." The blond's defence, however determined and assertive, did nothing to hinder Dok's inclination to argue - and argue he did, in a restrained manner with his condescending snarl being the only thing to betray the ferocity of his prejudiced opinion.

"We're talking upper-class society and proper etiquette here, not Underground rats and deals under the table. This is an elegant setting that requires eloquence and geniality. Mike's ways I trust in - because I'm aware where he comes from and how he got here - but the same reason stops me from trusting your most reliable man." The strident, almost grating speech put additional strain on Levi's nerves but he didn't show it, didn't even do as much as clench his jaw in dissatisfaction or mild anger. The person to do that was Erwin, but the clear exasperation on his stern profile was voiced by the only woman in the room instead. Their minds were linked at that moment, expressing the same notion - our comrade and friend doesn't deserve this shit.

"I think," Hanji started with startling spite, "since you're here asking for our help you'd better trust our judgement as well. Levi's past is not an ace up your sleeve for you to pull and his skill is an undeniable fact known to all people present - not to mention a treasured asset for all three walls, so I suggest you leave the subtle insults for when they're needed." The three stages of shock suffered a distinct decline painted on the faces of the three males before Zoe - from Nile's gaping mouth to Mike's parted lips to the stubborn straight line Erwin's mouth formed. Only Levi was still leaning against the wall, stiff and quiet - an uncanny phenomenon that would normally presuppose a certain lack of vocal cords for him to utilise.

"I stand by Hanji's words. Levi's background doesn't matter one bit because he's with us today, fighting and risking his life as much as any other dedicated soldier. He can handle the big city as well as the Underground and if his geniality runs out I'll be there to offer what he cannot in regards to sugar-coated pleasantries." Mike's words received a warm welcome in the face of Hanji and Erwin's defensive stances, but this whole argument had become predictable - it was a terse discussion devoid of raised voices popular amongst the more intelligent kind of soldiers and its end would mark their victory and be marked by Nile's polite retreat.

"As you can see," Erwin's restrained smile held a thousand words on the topic of his current complacency, "that's a unanimous decision right there, taken and further verified. Levi's going to do well on the mission." Erwin's blue eyes shone with dignified victory (a gleam similar to the one in a proud father's orbs when his son won his first fight) when Dok snorted at the lot of them, refraining from scratching at his goatee as his mind scurried for a final blow at their defence. And the chink in their armour was suddenly visible - not the member of their team whose reliability he was attacking, but him. Just him.

"You're too busy barking up my tree to realise he's the only one who hasn't joined. Blind overprotective mothers failing to see their son knows I'm right and that's why he doesn't put up a fight." The dark-haired man attempted offence one last time - a desperate act that reaped surprising success when it came to affecting the people most indefatigably set to argue with his statements, but then the thing nobody expected (the silent ebony-haired man speaking up) occurred and it made all occupants of the room realise Levi was far from mute or unwilling to talk. When it came to his qualities he preferred not to interfere, but when his comrades' sober convictions were being questioned he would not keep his mouth closed. He was getting tired of listening to Nile's bullshit anyway, it was finally time to end this pointless argument.

"You being right and me putting an overly big amount of trust in your few brain cells are two vastly different things, Dok. You can keep me away from the mission, but you'll never catch the royal asshole if you do since money is the only thing keeping your upper-class society from turning into a bunch of Underground rats. That being said, a knife to the throat works the same on both." Everything Levi said amounted to the exact number of words he'd given life to for the few hours preceding this moment that day, but that didn't matter as long as his words held a certain point and had the proper impact on their intended recipient. And they did both, how well they did both.

"I think," Erwin Smith started before Nile could blow a fuse, "we cleared that up. Levi and Mike leave for Sina tomorrow. The Military Police will take credit for the arrest but will not interfere with the mission otherwise. This is the conclusion of this meeting." The blond removed his finger from the map and Hanji almost expected to hear a kind of invisible glue rip the smooth paper. Mike stood from the table and Nile slammed the window shut with a last muttered reluctant agreement. The dark-haired Commander shook hands with Erwin prior to leaving the room and when everybody else started clearing the table, Levi stood against the wall, pensive still.

"Brighten up, you're getting away from the paperwork for a while." Hanji came to pat the raven's shoulder reassuringly but that didn't offer him any comfort. Yes, he might as well get a momentary escape but what would happen when he fucked up on the mission because he couldn't bite his tongue? He'd leave the talking to Mike, that was for sure, but he couldn't just play mute the whole time. Or could he? Only time would tell which way he preferred it. "You're paler than usual, shorty. You okay?" Hanji's voice sounded from up close and he could still feel her hand on his shoulder. The short man nodded, a click of his tongue announcing his mild exasperation.

"Never been better." He pushed himself off the wall and left his three comrades behind so he could flee to the safe haven of his room. On his desk, illuminated by the sun coming in through the window, stood Hanji's regular gift - a goddamn mirror. Levi grumbled in dissatisfaction prior to nearing the reflective glass with a steady step and drawn brows. It was a simple oval this time with a thin wooden frame. Levi would have a hard time discarding it, taking into account that it was also bigger than his torso. The ebony-haired Lance Corporal grabbed the mirror and lifted it from his desk with the intention to move it to where all other mirrors Hanji gave him went.

The pale man moved to the door of his personal quarters and then to the doors of his wardrobe. They creaked open as he supported the mirror's weight on the floorboards under his feet and, as always on such occasions, caught sight of the woman painted on the glass surface. Shorter than him for sure, with a defiant look in her (e/c) eyes. Long face, small nose, braided (h/c) hair. That face seemed like it would always smile. He put the mirror next to the others - small and big, square and oval - that had left almost no space for the clothes he possessed, then closed the wardrobe with a sigh. Always smiling, that woman. It pissed him off in a way.

The silk bedsheets were warm under her waking body as Hans draped his arm over her bare torso with an audible groan. His morning breath was hot against the crook of her neck as (Y/N) concluded she would have to get up to make his coffee soon. The open window to her left let the fresh scent of morning pour inside the room - a chilly wave that caressed her (h/c) locks with its pleasant aromas. It was early morning, she analysed drowsily, because she was yet to catch a whiff of the mouth-watering freshly baked bread from Marlow's bakery down the street.

"Are you sleeping, love?" The husky term of endearment attached to the inquiry made her bite her bottom lip as her lover pressed a feathery kiss at the side of her neck, shifting in his wake. She lifted a hand to touch his jawline and he hummed in understanding like a purring kitten. "The big day is here, so I want you pretty and smiling tonight when I come to pick you up." He pulled her closer, making her nod as her fingers scratched at the beard he was starting to grow. "I don't have time for coffee today, I've got a lot of documents to put my signature under." The calm timbre of his voice had a small annoyed undertone (Y/N) didn't fail to catch.

Hans got up without waiting for her response, leaving her tangled in the sheets, with her tired eyes resting and her soft hands blindly looking around for the covers. She could hear the shuffle of his clothes and the hurry in his footsteps as he approached the door of their bedroom and bid her a last goodbye prior to leaving the house altogether. (Y/N) slowly rose from the bed they shared, eyelids lazily lifting as her warm feet came in contact with the cold floor. She stood up and counted the steps to the door, not bothering to put on any clothes. Hans's maid came in at eight o'clock and (Y/N) could bet it wasn't even seven yet.

One, two, three... eight. The ritual continued as she kept counting, drowsily letting her soft fingertips move along the wall to her left, then the railing of the staircase. The numbers were increasing in her head, numbers she knew very well by now. Twenty to the kitchen door. Five to the counter. Two more to the hot plate and then one to the drawer for the utensils. She followed the inward count religiously, with her lips curled in a childish smile and her bare feet padding along the ground. Her coffee was ready after three minutes, she let it cool for two more and took it to the living room, naked body moving slowly in the brief sunlight peeking through the windows of the empty house.

She was about to sit on the couch when knocking sounded at the front door, hurried and just a bit forceful. Not any of Hans's friends then, she concluded as her voice called for the visitor to wait. She rushed upstairs, methodical counting not halting for a second - ten stairs, a turn to the right, five steps down the hall, eight from the doorstep to the wardrobe - and she got dressed as fast as she could, hurriedly combing her fingers through her messy (h/c) locks. The big mirror she passed on her way out failed to attract her attention and she descended the stairs again, wearing a pair of slippers and a black blouse tucked into a pair of pants Hans would never let her wear outside the house.

One, two, three... five and I'm by the hanger, seven more and I reach the door. Her counting was like clockwork - methodical and meticulous, always followed with utmost precision and dedication. (Y/N) opened the door with a bright smile, (e/c) hues staring straight ahead as the man in front of her - judging by his cologne - extended a hand for her to shake, as presupposed by the brief shuffle of his shirt only on the right side.

"Good morning, Mrs. Hansen. I'm Mike Zacharius and I was hoping to speak to your husband - Hans." (Y/N)'s smile didn't twitch as she found Mike's hand and squeezed with her frail fingers, feeling his gaze on her form.

"I'm afraid Hans isn't home. Furthermore, we're not even engaged so please call me (Y/N) or miss (L/N)." His hand retracted and hers lingered, analysing and feeling the skin beneath the cheap cologne meant to mask (the mold on the stone walls, the gas in the tanks or maybe the leather uniforms) something he didn't want anybody to smell. Or maybe himself? The (h/c)-haired woman's smile widened at the lack of response. "Please, come in and ask me anything you would've asked him. I'll make coffee." The additional offer was an unneeded stimulant, she figured as the man stepped forth, towering over her petite form.

"It's really unfortunate Mr. Hansen isn't home," Mike started and though his social skills were undeniable, (Y/N) was well versed in the art of unravelling people, "but I'll accept your generosity. I don't need coffee, though." She led him away to the living room where her own cup sat, patiently waiting for her delayed return. The woman took a seat on the couch and Mike sat on the armchair across the table, right by the lifeless fireplace, over which hung the only other mirror in the whole house besides the one in the bedroom.

"Where do you come from? If you don't mind me asking." She started off, not deceived by the fake disappointment in his voice and having caught the clear alleviation lacing his words from then onwards. Suspicion settled in the crevices of her brain but she wouldn't hasten to point fingers. In any case, if this Mike Zacharius bore any ill intent he wouldn't have bothered to come and sit in the armchair across from her, desperate to manipulate some information out of her mouth.

"Yolkell, I deal with farming and a friend of mine interested me in Mr. Hansen's business." The blond started with a polite tone, hinting at manners a simple farmer wouldn't have. His occupation made (Y/N)'s inward brow furrow as she contemplated the calluses she'd felt on his hand - at the base of his index finger and thumb only. A farmer had calluses all over; dry skin was easily acquired in the sun and most tools had a tendency to wear out the flesh. Mike Zacharius's hand felt like he held a pen often. Maybe something else, too. Something with a trigger. "I'll be attending tonight's celebration but I was impatient. My friend's explanation was rather vague and Hans's business sounds promising, but I crave more details."

"Hans isn't your perfect businessman, you should know. He deals with selling and distributing livestock but big deals rarely come through his hands. That's why tonight's really important for him." Mike was looking at her and she could feel it. Something about her eyes struck him as exceptional, maybe a tad bit odd. Their (e/c) colour was vivid as she observed her coffee, but their gaze was stiff and mostly glued to one spot. Mike tried not to dwell on it, focusing on the mission at hand and cursing the fact he might just get side-tracked by this woman if he wasn't careful enough.

"And what do you do, if I may ask?" Mike took the time to look around briefly - the furniture in this house was undoubtedly expensive. Not royal but getting there. If Hans Hansen's business kept growing he'd be inlaying his drawers with gold this time next year. The blond's eyes slid over to the fireplace at his side and the shelf above, supporting a number of tasteful decorations Mike would never witness in a person's home if they didn't live in Sina. Above the shelf, hanging on the wall like a framed oil painting would, stood a giant rectangular mirror, showing him a second image of the living room in all its glory. A bit conceited - hanging a mirror of such size in that place - it was like announcing: look at my fortune and now look at me doubling it as the mirror does.

"I sit around, Mr. Zacharius, nothing else. I wait because Hans is being hasty." (Y/N)'s words attracted Mike's attention but not in the real world. He looked at the woman in the mirror's reflection, expecting to see a man completely unknown to himself aside from the plain drawings Nile Dok had handed him. What he saw almost made the bearded man's eyes pop out of their sockets in shock. Pale skin, ebony locks, stiff broad shoulders and a pair of piercing hues. Levi Ackerman was sitting on the couch across from him, dressed in casual clothes and sipping on a cup of coffee. His frown was eloquent as to what he thought of its taste.

"And he is your soulmate?" Mike's tone was hushed and his tongue felt like lead but his eyes couldn't leave the mirror. There was something wrong here, in this whole picture - not just the one shown by the reflective glass. Turning to look at the (h/c)-haired woman, the tall man saw her nod in affirmation prior to sipping on her coffee. Her eyes were bright and beautiful, and completely still in their sockets. Then it hit him as to why. "If you've found him why not get married?" He prompted, making her (h/c) tresses sway as she shook her head with a sad smile. Mike suppressed the urge to look at the mirror and behold the sight of that smile on his frowning friend's lips.

"Because money, dear mister. As the farmer you claim to be, I doubt you come across a lot of cash in one place. My father does and I'm his only heir. Hans is young and blinded by the expensive life he can have, so he hurries. But I don't mind waiting until he calms down." (Y/N)'s explanation was calm and confident, in full control of the knowledge it voiced and the emotions fueling the final decision she spoke of. Mike listened patiently, registering the information he hadn't known of like a poor person collecting money from the ground. So (Y/N) (L/N) was a rich person's only child. No surprise Hans Hansen had taken advantage of her, but to what extent? Was her blindness just something he'd been lucky to have stumbled upon or was it less of an accident than suspected? He'd have to dig into that.

"He won't." Mike's soft-spoken frankness didn't evoke an ounce of shock, but called forth a smile on her lips - a sad smile. She was well aware of that, despite the radiant naivety with which she'd regarded him initially. The blond soldier stood to his feet, uncomfortably turning his back to the rectangular mirror and biting his tongue at the woman's beautiful smile. It was a vile act of Hans Hansen to abuse that smile the way he had, emotionally at least. "It was a pleasure to chat with you, Miss (L/N)." His scruffy beard itched as he forced a polite smile at the woman's standing figure.

"You've been most polite, Mr. Zacharius, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Her suspicion wasn't something he could catch, but that way was best since he would not owe her any awkward excuses or explanations. She shook his hand again as they stood at the door, him on the outside and her on the inside. He could at once see her there all the time, dressed in naivety and intelligence - a rich prisoner with beautiful eyes and a sad smile. "I'm also curious as to how you've held yourself back from asking." (Y/N)'s abrupt statement failed to surprise him - his profession relied on his ability to expect everything - but he had to admit he didn't have a response at the ready.

"Plain self-restraint. Should I have not applied it?" His inquiry came out nonchalant but curious and the radiant woman in front of him parted her lips, a small snort escaping her nostrils before she laughed - a sound that was loud but by no means obnoxious. Levi might've liked it, Mike considered briefly prior to asking: "You are blind, are you not?" The question was finally here, though he didn't think he was wrong to say it. And the (h/c)-haired woman seemed not to mind its vocal appearance. In fact, judging by the smirk curling her lips, she was amused to hear it.

"Indeed I am. And I thought I had mastered the art of disguising it." She announced with a pout and a smooth voice that betrayed not a single ounce of genuine disappointment. Mike was sure if she wanted for it to appear sincere he would be nothing more than a mere slave at the feet of her manipulation. The upper-class society often taught people the art of subtlety, but this woman, blind or not, was an expert at portraying herself in different manners depending on the people she was surrounded by.

"I'll see you tonight, Miss (L/N)." Mike bowed politely, an instinct he couldn't hold back in this particular moment in spite of its pointlessness. (Y/N) (L/N) let out a giggle, like a child relishing the innocent secret it kept, and nodded at him in further confirmation. Yes, they would see each other tonight. Then, Mike realised, Levi would see her too. He'd see the braid and the smile and the eyes - the vivid orbs that would rarely stare elsewhere but up front. The tall man wondered what the Lance Corporal's reaction would be - shock maybe? Or indifference? He couldn't know.

"You, too. Make sure to introduce this friend of yours to me. I think I have a cup of tea he'll really like." (Y/N)'s words shocked him, but she regarded them casually, giving him a mischievous smirk prior to closing the door after herself - a smirk that said look at this neat magic trick of mine, it's called a sense of smell. Mike was left at the door, smelling his own coat and furrowing his brows at the faded scent of tea leaves from yesterday morning. His dark eyes turned to the street, then to the house, and he thought of the woman inside. His initial intentions had been to head back and report immediately after the visit but now he had something else to do - some research he knew for a fact would prove to be profitable.

It was nighttime, but in Sina that could hardly be recognised due to the many street lamps positioned strategically along all roads in order to illuminate their entire length and the many intersections they possessed. The houses at their sides weren't gnarled and dilapidated like in wall Rose, but well-kept and opulently decorated for everybody to admire in passing. The cobblestone streets, besides having nice pavements, were also times more even. Mike could see the carriages flying past them and could only imagine the feeling of being inside one - on this type of road compared to the one they were used to it would probably feel like flying.

"What did you even get out of that woman?" Levi was scowling at his side as they made their way to Hans Hansen's house. Mike had spent the entire day digging up information on the yet-to-be-rich (Y/N) (L/N), connecting the dots with remarkable speed as a person who was typically not the best at solving mysteries. As it turned out, Miss (L/N) was not born blind, but instead suffered an accident three years ago that, as the medical journal stated, damaged her optic nerve, halting the connection between the images she saw and her brain. And who then appeared in her time of utmost sorrow when she was told her condition couldn't be helped? Her dutiful soulmate, Hans Hansen, of course.

"She's been manipulated into thinking he's her soulmate. If the brothel ring stops doing the trick one day he's sure to force her into marriage." The blond, not having shared every bit of information with his friend beside the date of the accident, felt the inward need to protect both the woman and her real soulmate from Hansen's toxic lies. Mike acknowledged Levi was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but the duty to help him through the situation emotionally stayed.

"She's none of our business, we're only here to seek evidence of his involvement with the ring." The ebony-haired man was quick to click his tongue in disinterest, but Mike quietly built himself a castle made of hopes that that would soon come to change. "Anyways, how does she even get manipulated into thinking he's her soulmate?" Levi's uncomprehending question, ever so appropriate and logical, seemed not to catch his tall friend unprepared. Because Mike had thought of this a lot and now as they stood in front of Hans Hansen's polished walnut door, he wished he had more experience on the topic of such conflicting scenarios.

"You'll see in a bit." Though his words were nonchalant, the genuine smile was absent from his face. Levi frowned up at him with visible confusion and disgruntlement when the taller male knocked on the walnut surface three times, calling for the host's attention. The door was flung open with restrained politeness and a beautiful pair of (e/c) hues twinkled on the other side, making the blond soldier smile his first genuine smile since this morning. The woman recognised him without even hearing his voice - it was the cologne, he concluded quickly - and grinned, beaming up at him and his companion in a way that warmed his heart.

"Mike! I was wondering when you'd show up. Oh, your friend's with you this time. I've prepared a cup of tea for you. No worries, it's not poisoned." She pulled them along inside the house, counting the steps as always, when her little joke received no response. Her smile didn't halt for a second, even when she sensed Levi's hostile air. "Mute or am I just too pretty to look at?" She fluttered her eyelashes coquettishly, to which Mike laughed, throwing Levi's stunned expression a worried look. The short man had followed them inside, but was standing motionless, shoulders rigid and eyes just a tad bit wider than usual. His stormy orbs were glued to the woman in front of them and how she wasn't reacting to him at all even though her (e/c) hues had settled on his form twice hitherto.

"I'm inclined to believe the latter, you're literally glowing tonight." Mike's compliment was background noise to the thought process in Levi's head; the gears in his mind were quick to turn and finally process the situation, piecing the puzzle together as a frown replaced the shocked expression he'd worn a second ago. His tall friend glanced at him, concerned but determined not to let him get too emotional during the most crucial part of their mission.

"Well, I'm a hostess, we have to glow in the presence of gentlemen." (Y/N)'s pleasant voice called for both's attention with mild mockery. "But don't think me naive now, I know for the men in this room I'm more of a... how do they say it in the Underground... piece of meat with tits and enough holes." She giggled like a little child at her own joke, briefly covering her mouth and averting her unseeing eyes to the floor beneath her feet. "Pardon my language, but I've always been fascinated with vulgarity. There's something charming about being that frank and down to earth. A breath of fresh air after all the pompous pleasantries round here." Her explanation was rather surprising - unique almost - because as far as both men's knowledge of aristocrats went nobody would lower their point of view to that extent.

"I see you're a woman of many faces. Why don't we go fetch Levi that tea you've promised him? His vulgarity is something to behold once he unties his tongue." Mike's suggestion had the (h/c)-haired woman excitedly nodding up at him as he reached for her arm. Levi was looking at her like he was seeing a ghost, about to follow them into the kitchen or wherever they would head, but then a big hand appeared on (Y/N)'s bare shoulder and they were at once introduced to the visage of their host and target.

"Love! I told you not to leave my side." Hans Hansen's smile was wide as his lover gently grasped his swarthy hand and grinned up at him. Levi watched the face of her so supposed soulmate, finding one or two striking similarities between the devious rat's features and his own. The ebony locks and the long nose at least. His lips were far from thin or pouting and his eyes might've not been narrow and grey but the overall facial form was there and Levi hated himself more than Hans Hansen for it.

"But I wanted to greet my new friends, Hans. The taller one is Mike Zacharius and the... silent one is," she trailed off gently prior to introducing, "Levi?" The question mark clinging to the end of his name, spoken with such softness it made his jaw clench, was what turned Hansen's head in their direction, brows twitching at the sight of Mike's face and then shooting up like a firework at the Lance Corporal's stoic countenance. Instant recognition shone in Hans's big onyx orbs, and just a smidge of fear Levi didn't fail to catch.

"Yes, just Levi." His voice had been at once retrieved in this time of need from the depths of his vocal cords and it sounded to (Y/N)'s ears like a gelid piece of metal softly gliding over a dry bone - smooth and deep but also dark and intimidating in its evident lack of hospitable emotion. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hansen." A shuffle, meaning an extended hand for her lover to shake. The action was accompanied by a hesitant gulp on Hans's side only she could hear.

"... same here." The pause preceding the hardly polite sentence seemed to betray his uncanny nervousness. Not to mention the sudden stiffness in his voice. (Y/N) couldn't see but she was clever enough to understand her lover's odd behaviour was caused by the seemingly harmless guests. Her orbs switched directions to observe the spot Levi was supposed to occupy and she suddenly caught a whiff of something that made her brows furrow in uncertainty. Unlike Mike, Levi had deemed the use of cologne pointless and thus avoided it completely, giving the (e/c)-eyed woman a chance to smell the lingering scent of metal rolling off the clothes he wore. Metal and something else she couldn't identify.

"What's wrong, Hans?" Mike and Levi both heard the soft inquiry that slipped past the blind woman's lips. Hans Hansen shook his head with a smile he couldn't fake well enough, but the two soldiers didn't miss the nervous tremor that shook his hand from (Y/N)'s waist. She had obviously chosen not to ignore it as well.

"Nothing, love. Why don't we go back to Andrew and Mathias? They said they wanted to see you." He attempted to pull her along as far away from them, but Humanity's Strongest Soldier stepped forth with a polite voice that came close to surprising Mike. This mission, with the help of Levi's astoundingly admirable self-control, would be a big success. Now, they only needed an opening to investigate and acquire evidence amidst the celebration's light-hearted commotion and if Levi had already come to that conclusion then Mike had a hunch as to his following words.

"Forgive the intrusion but do you mind staying with me for a minute, Mr. Hansen? Mike can keep Miss (L/N) company." The unequivocal message in the short man's eyes made his blond friend nod in understanding as the ecstatic hostess didn't leave space for her lover to argue, grabbing Mike's arm and dragging him along inbetween the Underground rats masked as the upper-class society Nile oh so loved to worship. Levi didn't know at the time, but the seemingly naive and oblivious (Y/N) would come to be the unravelling of this case in just a few minutes when she would show Mike Zacharius her lover's study and with it, all the evidence the Military Police would need to arrest Hans Hansen and send him to prison.

"What is it you want with me?" The man with the swarthy countenance asked, Underground roots coming out when (Y/N) (L/N) wasn't close enough to sense them. Levi's frown might've been intimidating but his eyes were straight-up scary. Despite the frustrated exasperation Hans Hansen was brave enough to voice, he sensed the way in which his tall figure was struggling not to cower in fear.

"Just a chat," Levi announced casually, eyes containing a storm in the making that would soon start shooting lighting. "Since when have you been with Miss (L/N)?" The question was simple enough, both men thought so. But Hans was having doubts about answering. He couldn't allow himself such cowardice, though.

"Since I met her three years ago." He cleared his throat after tugging at the collar of his silk button-up shirt. Heat waves were a normal occurrence when one was under pressure and a victim of mild panic, but Hans wasn't aware of that in his nervous state, dismissing it as some type of cold he might've caught around the Underground's bad air. His work required occasional visitations to his home, but the lanky man did not feel melancholy or nostalgia once - much like Levi himself once he finally made his way above. It was the one similarity they shared that would forever stay unspoken.

"So around the time she was blinded." Levi's calm voice announced, like he was reading a number of bullet points from a document. The mechanical tone he'd accommodated in his speech made a shiver crawl up Hans's spine as he listened, features shadowed by alarm. "You met in the hospital I assume? Gave her flowers maybe. And then you told her you were soulmates, knowing very well she couldn't confirm it for herself." Occasionally, a tinge of spite or sarcasm would shine through the words, successfully jabbing into Hansen's pride and composure. The tall man stepped back a bit, glancing around for anybody who could help him get rid of Levi. Such a person was not found, or Hans was the one who couldn't find him due to the indignation he felt. Either way, the situation looked bad to him.

"If you're insinuating I'm behind the whole accident you're a lunatic. Nobody would waste that much time and effort on a random girl just to risk introducing himself as her soulmate," the raven-haired Underground rat argued, a little blue vein popping on his forehead due to how strained his nerves had become. Levi looked paralyzingly cool, placid even, with how mocking his voice came out of his mouth as he stepped forth with the intention to trap Hans Hansen. This was no longer a discussion meant to distract, it was Levi refraining from grabbing the lying bastard's hair and pulling until the bloodied white of his skull became visible.

"Not a random girl, but the very heir of the only person who comes close to being as rich as the king. A great thing to invest all that time and effort in, if you ask me. Even more when you know your looks come close to those of her soulmate." His narrow eyes glared with spite that hit poor Hans as wholly dangerous, like it would materialise in front of his face and stab him. The tall man scrambled to gather the pieces of his pride and composure, managing a last attempt at warding off the short male.

"Look, I don't know what your deal is, but if you're planning on coming into my home and accusing me of shit you can't prove I suggest you leave because I won't tolerate this." His angry tone was the one thing that didn't betray him, Hans concluded. Levi noticed the prominent blue vein on his forehead with a snort prior to giving a compassionate nod, as if perfectly understanding the low creature that dared give itself a human name and its mindset. But in truth he didn't, not one bit - mostly the bit where he'd ruined one whole life for the sake of - no, not becoming rich - becoming richer when he already had everything he could've wanted. The woman who would never see again, never trust a man again, maybe never smile in the mirror for him again.

"No, I guess you won't. How about you cut this celebration short then? It's about to become really morbid." Levi glanced over the raven's shoulder at Mike and (Y/N) descending the staircase to the right, with the woman clutching a thick file and the blond's eyes beaming at the Lance Corporal from under his hair. The game was won and the mission - a success. All they had to do now was wait for the Military Police. Nile was very diligently spying on the conversation from somewhere outside the building, but it would take him a minute or two to call for his soldiers.

"Hans Hansen, you're under arrest. On your knees with your hands in the air." Mike's booming voice caused the expected - mass panic that threatened to ruin their plan for smooth sailing to the end of this mission. (Y/N) almost tripped down the stairs, but, Levi guessed, that was more a result of Zacharius's words than their volume. Hans fell to his knees but his friends' chatting came to a screeching halt and most dropped their glasses of champagne in hopes to grab their guns instead. Levi's reaction was too fast to be traced if the eye was unprepared, and in this case, most weren't so when he whipped out a revolver from under the coat on his back the majority gaped in horror, believing the weapon to have teleported in his hold.

"Don't you fucking dare pull that gun on me, pig. God, this is so annoying." The final mutter was something that reached only (Y/N)'s sensitive ears, but she caught the minimal shuffling of clothing as the 'pig' decided he treasured his life more than his freedom. "If I see a weapon you're going to become minced meat before you can use it,” Levi warned coldly, a promise written in his eyes for all to behold. The upper-class society in the room was oblivious to something as insignificant as the Survey Corps since the army didn't affect them directly, but when it came to having a brain - no matter how big or creased - everybody in the room could agree the man in front of them was very dangerous.

Silence ensued, broken only by Mike's footsteps and the clicking of handcuffs round Hans Hansen's wrists. Then the door was slammed open and the Military Police invaded the place, successfully cuffing everybody and leading them out of the door one by one. Nile Dok stood at the entrance as his men did their work, diligently eyeing the soon-to-become vacant room as if he'd been the one to sneak inside and mingle with the criminals it contained. Nearing Hans, the Commander of the Military Police announced his right to stay silent, which, as he was being forced to his feet, the rich Underground rat had decided not to take advantage of.

"You stupid bitch, you helped them find it, didn't you!" He spat in his (now former) lover's direction as the shocked woman clutched the papers containing the evidence Mike had stumbled upon minutes earlier. Her brows furrowed as she gulped and the swarthy man watched her tremble in her pretty dress, smile gone from her lips. Still kneeling and refusing to get dragged away by Nile Dok, Hans Hansen felt the full power of Humanity's Strongest Soldier's shin as it kicked his abdomen, making a rib or two cave in, which painfully reminded him of the number of organs his body contained and how most were probably bleeding right now.

"The only stupid bitch in this house is you, Mr. Hansen." Levi spoke with a surprising amount of derision as the raven-haired man doubled over in his handcuffs, bloody saliva dangling from his gaping mouth as he tried to take a breath his lungs were incapable of producing. "And I suggest you mind your insults in front of the woman you blinded and used," he warned with a snarl as Nile called over Mike and the blond dragged away the gasping Hans Hansen, leaving his confused lover to the awkward short man. "I would very much like that cup of tea now," he said, having regained his composure and decided to distract the woman from the current situation.

"What do you mean blinded and used?" She inquired, supporting herself on the wall as her wide eyes frantically sought his face. The rhythm of her erratic heart was preventing her ears from picking up on Levi's exact location until he gave it away himself, by pulling the file from her trembling hand. Fingers brushing against hers, (Y/N) recognised the smell of gunpowder on him she hadn't been able to identify before and a shiver ran down her spine at the coldness of his skin. Levi watched her panic, the woman he'd seen in the mirror almost every week or so, and he felt sudden guilt grip his heart. Brutally honest as he was, he couldn't tell her the three years she'd spent thinking she was in paradise with her soulmate had been just a clever scheme.

"Nothi---"

"No, you meant something. Don't lie to me." There was a feral kind of anger in her voice, to the point it shook in fury, along with her bare shoulders. Levi felt her hold on his wrist and it made his nose scrunch up but he didn't make an attempt to shake it off. Giving her the truth was the only option so she would acknowledge the ways in which she'd been wronged, but he couldn't help his own regret. If he'd gone searching for her - if he'd found her - first none of the misfortunes in her life would've taken place. And she would be able to see him as he saw her - radiant and vivid, unlike any image the mirror could offer.

"... your accident aligns with his intentions perfectly. He probably studied you from afar, picking the right moment. He knew he held similarities to your soulmate and decided to use it." Levi's explanation made her features contort in clear exasperation and he thought the crinkle forming on her forehead was strangely charming, thus making her anger lose its menacing factor in his eyes. The female attempted a glare, hold on his wrist disappearing as she parted her lips.

"How do you know he isn't my soulmate? You haven't even seen me in front of a mirror." She was no longer leaning against the wall, instead huffing and puffing in dissatisfaction and making Levi click his tongue in mild condescension at her words - condescension that, subsequently, led to his fall.

"I don't need to," he said with a clenched jaw, making them both freeze as they studied the meaning behind his words. The woman was first to get over her stupefaction. He couldn't see a single feature of hers judge and blame him for what had happened to her, but when her dainty hands reached for his visage he couldn't help but step back in a fit of sporadic panic. She asked to touch his face with a tremulous voice, soft and low, and very close to its breaking point. Levi refused but she kept pleading, pleading and inching forward until he got scared she'd trip in her disoriented haste and fall.

Catching one of her wrists, he guided her hand to his face and let it rest on his cheek. (Y/N)'s (e/c) hues were staring at the staircase as she felt the curve of his nose and the form of his brow with shaking digits, tracing the outline of his jaw and lips and painting them in her mind along with the hollows of his cheeks and the distinct wrinkle between his eyebrows. Her breaths were ragged as Levi watched her unbelieving countenance, and when tears started pouring from her unseeing eyes he decided enough was enough. But she was clinging to his features desperately, like they would save her from this nightmare she was suddenly immersed in and it made his lips pout as he distanced himself from her warm touch with a frown.

"That's enough. You're in shock. I'll get you something to drink and you focus on breathing." He turned on his heel but she gave a small sob that pierced his heart from the back and then he heard her almost trip, inwardly counting as her wobbly knees chased after him.

"I'm perfectly calm! I don't--- understand all this." She sounded frantic and her expression was very far from the definition of 'calm' one would have in mind, but Levi saw the pain peeking from behind her (e/c) iris and it made him understand she was more in control of her feelings than he gave her credit for.

"It's not your fault." He uttered softly, hoping to have sounded just the right amount of cold and indifferent, but he couldn't lie to himself. They were at the foot of the stairs and she wasn't looking at him, instead taking her time to wipe the tears from her cheeks and breathe properly. (Y/N) had ninety-nine problems at the moment and one of them wasn't supposed to be the compassionate tone of her soulmate, but it somehow was. Because it called forth a thought she immediately hated herself for - a very simple notion that would evoke a lot of self-hatred in Levi himself if said aloud - couldn't I have just met you first?

"What is going to happen to Hans now?" The (h/c)-haired woman's voice was back to being calm, but her thoughts were elsewhere. They were all over the man standing at her side, emanating warmth and an odd sense of comfort even though he smelled of gunpowder and ice. He was unexpectedly harsh and vulgar, but she couldn't judge him for being a person, so she refrained from critique altogether. The only thing she knew that made the usual pang pull at her heart's strings was that she couldn't see his eyes and that was the one thing she missed most in her life. Not seeing her father or the blue sky above, or the beautiful little details a person regretted not having observed only after losing sight of - those were all things she could live with. But not seeing his eyes - grey, piercing and so cold yet beautiful - was what hurt most.

"Prison. A life sentence if we're lucky, sixty to seventy years if we're not." Levi saw her blink as she moved to the living room, counting not stopping for a single second even when she was living through something similar to an emotional crisis. A turn to the right, one, two, three... seven to the door. If the furniture isn't pushed around the couch should be three steps from here. She heard the short male's voice behind her. "The house is going to get searched so you're going to have to gather your stuff and move elsewhere."

"I'll rent a room down the street. Does this mean I have to start packing now?" She was sitting on the arm of the couch, quietly staring at her feet as her dress caressed her ankles. Levi observed the furnishing with a sceptical gaze (Y/N) wasn't able to witness and maybe, in a world where she had her vision, that kind of look would've made her laugh - the loud ringing sound Mike had thought Levi would find quite pleasant. And maybe he really would, if she'd only let him hear it.

"Preferably. Won't your father take you in?" The ebony-haired male's orbs skimmed the room but only one thing attracted his attention. The mirror above the fireplace, big and rectangular. Yet another sign of Hans Hansen's greed. In the dim lighting, the image shown on the glass surface wasn't perfect but the forms it portrayed were easy to recognise and trace. There his figure was, sitting at the arm of the couch with its back to the mirror. And there (Y/N) was, in his place at the doorstep, frowning like he was. Levi's eyes left the mirror and his jaw clicked in self-reprimand.

"Things between us are fragile right now because of my new stepmother. I don't want more arguments than usual." The woman's voice sounded soft and kind when she was calm, which wasn't far from how he'd initially imagined it. Not that he'd ever admit he'd imagined things about her. Even on his goddamn deathbed, he wouldn't concede that ever so embarrassing little fact because lying in your bed at night and thinking of a stranger's voice and background wasn't really an activity Humanity's Strongest Soldier could include in his resume.

You could come live with the Survey Corps. It won't be comfortable but you'll be protected and I'll be close by if you need me. It sounded in his head but his vocal chords couldn't produce it. Hans Hansen was going to prison and there was nobody out to hurt her so there was no need for Levi to play a mother. The short man gulped down the shameful notion and reconsidered five different sentences prior to speaking up.

"Do you want help with packing?" It wasn't a suggestion he would've normally offered, but the act of it getting instantly rejected hurt his pride more than the fact he'd suddenly become mellow enough to offer it at all.

"Thank you but no. I'd rather do it on my own." The (h/c)-haired woman stood to her feet and gracefully walked to the door, standing in front of him when she sensed he wouldn't move away from the only exit. He saw her petite form crane her neck lightly and it occurred to him how poor he looked next to her. The Underground rat and a true member of the upper-class society; how unfair of fate it was to pair them up.

"I'll order a carriage for you." She felt his breath on her skin and he could see the small goosebumps covering her arms. The urge to lend her his coat was immense but he just stepped away from the door and she counted the steps to the stairs, where her feet paused and she declared that she would be travelling on foot instead since it wasn't that far away. Then, just as he thought she'd go up the staircase and disappear forever---

"Just... wait for me at the front door?" Hesitant, yes, it might've been so, but it was also the first step to what they would one day dare call a relationship. Levi gulped, watching her beautiful profile as she waited for his response. It was in that second he thanked God for the fact he wasn't truly mute - as his comrades would love to joke periodically.

"Understood." He didn't nod and she smiled on her way up the stairs, in a single moment of misery being times more radiant than she'd been at the beginning of the night. Levi took a breath when he heard the bedroom door upstairs close, then he moved to the outside, where the night air did his stranded lungs a big favour. Mike was conversing with Nile Dok and the rest of the Military Police soldiers were already leaving the place. When the blond soldier returned to Levi's side and asked him what had happened, the short male had very little to say, so Zacharius took the initiative to promise he'd wait for him back at their hotel. Levi agreed, forcing himself to seem reluctant.

When (Y/N) appeared at the front door two minutes later, he pursed his lips and offered her a hand, which she gratefully took, smiling brightly all the while. On the way to the inn she had in mind, the female scarcely tried to talk to Levi but he could see her beaming at the road ahead, unable to contain the happiness she felt. Towards the end of their journey, Levi observed a fancy store in passing, seeing their reflection in the shop window's surface. In the light of the street lamps, the ebony-haired man watched his smiling countenance, eyes glistening with genuine joy as (Y/N) walked by him, a serene look of contentment lying across her placid features. Always smiling that woman. Now he knew why it pissed him off. Because every time she'd look in the mirror, he'd be the one smiling.

"I never once doubted you, Levi. You are my most reliable man." Erwin Smith's compliments, most would say, were a limited number you could never exceed. But, for his most reliable man, the Commander of the Survey Corps had a few more than he did for the average cadet or squad leader. "So, you want a day off? May I ask what for? You never take days off." Erwin's curiosity was, as always, justified, but that didn't mean his mind wasn't one bit clouded by the fatherly pride he felt at the moment.

"I have an appointment." The pale man stated, like a teenager announced they would be going out without wanting to give any more details. The blond was sitting behind his desk, a smile plastered on his handsome face as he took a pen from the top drawer and signed the small paper Levi had placed on the wooden surface a minute ago.

"Mike mentioned a particular... acquaintance you made that turned out to be vital to the mission." The Commander had no shame when it came to making inquiries that embarrassed his subordinates, but to say he expected genuine embarrassment from Levi Ackerman would've been a lie. "So you'll be visiting her? This is the second time if I'm not mistaken?" The results that sentence reaped were almost unimaginable. The usual frown was in place, but Erwin could see in the downward curl of Levi's pout something childish and in his eyes - a strange glimmer that dared not glare as menacingly as usual in its mild pudency. "Alright, alright. I'm just happy for you. Go ahead then, we don't want you to be late for your appointment."

"Not a word of this to Hanji." Levi cut in, halting Erwin's booming laughter prior to snatching the signed sheet of paper from his desk. He was back to normal now but for that small moment of discomfiture, the tall blond had seen in his dear friend the behavioural habit of a typical teenager about to go out on a date. Such an amusing story this would make for Mike, Erwin concluded inwardly, satisfied with what he was seeing.

"Understood." The Commander nodded, willing to obey this one order for the time being. Levi huffed, then the office door was slammed shut and its hinges cried in protest, leaving the blond alone in his office to stare at the wall and grin from ear to ear. This mission, he proudly declared in his mind, was the best thing that had happened in a while. Because what now formed the commencement of something beautiful between the two was just that - the simple beginning preceding the actual zenith of what fate dictated. And it was what they would look forward to, since such a moment was truly a sight to behold and experience; beauty and love lying tangled in reality instead of glass - relentless, unforeseen.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine #x reader #reader insert #snk x reader #adore soulmate aus lol #soulmate au #honestly stuff in the soulmate part are kind of messy #but i liked inserting the plot there lol #the reader is kind of badass even if she's not too active here #also i'm in love with writing weird aus in the canon setting but it's so hard coming up with ideas #hope you enjoy

[stilemawillow]

a small rant: exam season is done at uni (yay), stuff are happening at home and i’m hyper-focused on finishing the epilogue of the story i’m posting on ao3 and i know i haven’t been giving people fanfics here so as an apology expect one in about half an hour

#shitpost #writing shitpost #uni rant #life really do be a mess sometimes

[stilemawillow]

that's just what being a writer is like

[stilemawillow]

the queen supports the movement. love that, drop the long-shots

i love rly long one shots. they r prob my fav thing ever

#20k words is perfectly acceptable #30k is also cool #40k is as immersive as a whole-ass book and i adore that #also how the fuck are you supposed to actually write anything that hits in the feels in less than 10k? #it might be just me tho #shitpost

[stilemawillow]

idk if anybody’s interested BUT i’ll be posting the first chapter of a levi story that’s been in the making for a looooong while and im risking it on ao3 but i get anxiety when i think of the tags. anyway, i’m popping off with the most mentally healthy y/n this world has ever seen, nobody will ever write a better woman than her and that’s not slander for the depressed and deranged women out there in finction and irl, just... she’s the woman for me, guys. i’m living the bisexual dream, writing this story - i don’t want them to date, i want them to date me. thank you for coming to my ted talk. this is probably my most basic and my most genius fanfic. i have reached the peak. there’s only down now

#levi x reader #shitpost #writing shitpost #ao3 tags really do scare me a lot #because what if i get hate for not doing them properly? #i'm panicking #anyway #i've turned this shit into a full-fledged book at this point #it do got 30 chapters so far #very fulfilling that i'll have them ready to post whenever i want without the usual panic and rush for creating content #goodnight now it's 3am

[stilemawillow]

sooooo i’ve been writing a short story for my uni’s newspaper contest the last few days, going strong at the last scene for four hours now (it do be 3 a.m.) and i just finished and i know i have editing to do, but the fact i had the last sentence written in my notes app and finally typed it into the word doc, pressed save and instantly got a bunch of dopamine slapping me across the brain--- SB TELL ME WHY THIS GOTTA BE SO FUCKING SATISFYING EVEN THO I KNOW I AIN’T GONNA WIN WITH A PESSIMISTIC PIECE ABOUT CHILDREN KILLING EACH OTHER BECAUSE GOD MAKES ADULTS INTO NASTY FANATICS

these 7k words aren’t worth the hype but they are in my mother tongue which is a bitch to write in considering punctuation so that’s that

#writing shitpost #it do be hard to speak one of the 25 hardest languages in the world #weird flex #shitpost #complaining about uni

[stilemawillow]

[stilemawillow]

happy birthday to the love of my life eren jaeger. no one does it like you baby💯

[stilemawillow]

The Austere Land of You [Eren | Eldian! Reader]

The first moment he laid eyes on you he knew, with such odd certainty, it scared him...

You walked into the hospital room with a familiar air of confidence he had seen before, across a vast ocean in the eyes of his treasured comrades as they charged into battle. That bravery was uncanny for a female of your stature and age, a mere teenager who knew not of true cruelty and the wicked ways of fate. When you arrived at his bedside, however, he caught a glimpse of the Eldian armband and corrected himself for the mistake. Your shoulders were tense and the impassive look of neutrality on your face reminded him of his Corporal as you stood at the foot of his bed, youthfulness shadowed by years of painful experience. Looking closer, he noted the lilac crescents etched deep into the skin beneath your eyes - harsh and cold - so unlike your gentle features it made him scowl. A nurse shouldn't have such eyes.

"The head nurse told me you have amnesia. Do you happen to remember your name?"

"Kruger."

"And how do you want me to address you?"

"... Eren."

"I'm (Y/N) (L/N). We're going to be seeing each other often during your stay."

Your smile was warm but it didn't reach your eyes. Eren nodded in understanding and you asked him if there was something he wanted. A few things came to mind but he was sure you wouldn't be able to acquire them for him. Freedom and justice were abstract concepts he had to procure for himself and others - not earn. You couldn't just fish them from the pocket of your apron, as much as it would've pleased him for that to have been possible. Though most patients were sleeping at this time and you were unoccupied, Eren denied craving anything particular, to which you left the hospital room, only to come back a minute later with a glass of water and another one of those empty smiles he would soon come to dislike. Eren uttered a word of gratitude but never took the water from your hold, forcing you to leave it on the small stool by his bed with a statement that you were going to be just outside and that he should call if he needed anything. He stopped you in your tracks with a question.

"Do you know any fairy tales?"

"One or two. But they're vague and end happily."

"It's what I was hoping for. Better than the morbid atmosphere here."

"A pensive person like you doesn't look like the type to enjoy fairy tales."

"And a weird nurse like you doesn't look like the type to know any, but here we are."

Your chuckle was sweet and quiet, like the faraway crash of the ocean waves or the flap of a bird's wings as it sang. Your short-lived smile failed to reach your eyes once more, proving your immunity to evanescent happiness and amusement. You took a seat on the stool after handing him the water, letting his teal hues observe the purple bruises your dress's long sleeves had failed to hide completely. They adorned your frail wrist's whole breadth, peeking up at him like a dirty secret from under a clean white cuff. Being an Eldian in these ends wasn't an ideal place in the hierarchy because it put you at the very bottom, a step beneath the Marleyan cattle and even their house pets. You were treated worse than dogs just because Marley thought you were devils. Eren had sworn he would change that, but would he get the chance to see your stoic countenance as you nursed his wounds after he succeeded or would he be too late?

"What about a loveless fairy tale?"

"You're a victim of one. It's called reality."

"And you have the audacity to call me pensive."

"I apologise. I've never been on good terms with love."

The following days you'd bring him his meals and engage him in conversations when he seemed in the mood. You endured a beating to bring him a fairy tale book and he took notice of it (the sickening bruises of attempted strangulation and the split lip the attackers gave you were hard to miss), questioning the weird selflessness of somebody who seemed so detached. Feigning idiocy, Eren asked you to read to him and for a week straight you sat on that small stool by his bed, reading with your low melodic voice and briefly pausing every time an empty smile graced your fatigued visage as a result of a commentary on his side. Eren caught you looking at him during those days, mostly when he'd been eyeing your bruises a bit too much. Insecurity wasn't present in your orbs and you never addressed the action, throwing not a single reprimand at his astute hues. The teal in them lacked visible sympathy.

"Could you please fix my pillow?"

"You know you're perfectly capable of doing that yourself, Mr. Kruger."

"Eren."

"Young master."

His chuckle was something you found extremely motivating, beautiful and pleasant to listen to - albeit hoarse and seldom existent. Over the course of this blossoming friendship of yours, you'd heard it no more than three times and each of them had been late into the night after he'd called you in for something stupid - his back was itchy, he'd had a nightmare or he just felt uncomfortable lying awake in a room where death hung from the ceiling like a dreaded reminder of what awaited some of its inhabitants. You'd come padding into the room, a glass of water in your grasp and a disapproving scowl twisting your features, but one look at the unkempt soldier and his apologetic hues would be more than enough to make the reproach prodding at the tip of your tongue slide to the back of your throat in shame.

Careful not to wake somebody, you leaned over and fixed his pillow prior to asking if it was better, to which you received a negative answer and an instruction to adjust the other side as well. You grumbled under your nose in mild dissatisfaction before doing as you were told, which was quite similar to the act of you caging the poor male to the bed. Stunned by the proximity you shared, your brain malfunctioned and forgot why you'd gotten into that position in the first place. The man under you seemed unfazed and it was then you noticed, in the pale moonlight coming from the window with his long hair away from his face for once, that Eren Kruger was very far from being a mister - in fact he was probably no more than three years older than you. His eyes twinkled in the face of your supposed composure - an act that came apart completely when the wounded soldier lifted a big hand to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

You snapped out of your daze and averted your gaze even though you silently longed to admire the colour scheme of his hues some more. Days if they would be given to you. The teal and the turquoise, and those little specks of emerald wandering the depths of his orbs. They could be golden in the sunlight, you speculated dreamily prior to asking if he was comfortable now. He seemed reluctant to voice an answer and when it came it was hardly related to your question at all, keeping you there, shamefully towering over him as the other patients spun in their restless slumber. Eren observed your visage - oddly feminine and vulnerable following the abrupt breach of your defences - with latent curiosity. At that moment he could call you beautiful but he chose not to. It would further add to the brush of colour across your cheeks and earn him one of your infamous glares. But that wasn't what he feared. Because the following night you might not answer when he called and he found that idea infuriatingly unpleasant.

"Nurse."

"Yes, Eren?"

"May I take you out after I leave the hospital?"

"Take me out?"

"To see the ocean."

It was the first time Eren heard sincere laughter leave your lips - it made your eyes light up as the sound rolled off your tongue and rooted him in place, thoughtful and just as hopeful. If he took you to the shore, maybe he could send you across the ocean to Mikasa and Armin and protect you, keep you safe from everything that would happen. If you agreed you'd stay out of harm's way and it would put his mind to rest. When your laughter died down the brown-haired male was still admiring the beamish glimmer in your orbs, thus why he almost missed your small nod. Eyes widening in evident excitement, Eren parted his lips with the intent to speak but his vocal cords went mute when you leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, light as a feather and gentle despite the frown you constantly armed yourself with.

Reflexes taking over, the tan male put a hand on the back of your neck when you were about to part from him and properly aligned your lips for a second kiss. Your surprise was clear but there was no fight in your body. Your tense shoulders relaxed and you tangled your hard-working fingers in his chocolate locks as he grabbed your waist, pulling you closer. You sighed in contentment when Eren's teeth nibbled on your bottom lip, demanding a less chaste kiss you were eager to give. His diminutive growl vibrated against your mouth when you tugged on his hair and he slowly broke the kiss prior to taking your wrist in his hold. Careful not to press the bruises that kept reappearing, the male locked gazes with you and placed a butterfly kiss atop each violet smear visible. The hitch of your breath was loud as you slowly moved back, burning with that happy embarrassment that distinguished a lover's playful gesture from the shameful act of a stranger. Thankfully, a majority of the patients were having their afternoon naps and the rest didn't seem to have paid any attention to you.

Eren let go of your wrist, fingers lingering as he wondered whether to speak or not. His temper would probably get the best of him so he decided he'd keep quiet and wait for your words instead, but you couldn't meet his gaze, having sat back on the small stool by his bed. Your fingertips kept brushing over your lips in a repetitive trance-like motion that seemed to push a number of indecent thoughts to the surface of his mind. He stood up after shaking them off, alarming your dazed self. You handed him his crutch, straight posture hinting at the fact you were waiting for him to start walking so you could follow unless told otherwise. A light huff blew past his lips as he stepped forward and a glance back at your visage was all he needed to see the emotional teenager you rarely let out. A shy smile had graced your gentle features and, though it took him by surprise, he inwardly conceded that smile would've made his fifteen-year-old self fall in love in a heartbeat.

"Will you be watching the Tybur festival?"

"I'll be spying on it from the window."

"What window?"

"My home's window. The stage's going be set up mere feet from it."

"I'd opt for a walk to avoid listening to the nonsense if I were you."

"A walk?"

"But not in the vicinity. Propaganda travels far. So go further."

Out of the hospital and out of your life, or so Eren had secretly hoped as he finally put his carefully thought-out plan into action some days later. He uttered a final inward prayer prior to transforming and it was the last coherent thought you occupied in his mind for the following few minutes until his gaze caught sight of your form a few streets away, watching the fight with a horrified expression that, for the umpteenth time, didn't manage to reach your cold eyes. You watched his titan form, with its bleeding jaw and broken teeth, and the sheen in its big eyes and you knew. You watched it (this despicable monster you were supposed to hate on sight - him) clutch Willy Tybur's sister and gnaw at the crystal surrounding her with chilling composure, but the moment the Jaw Titan attempted to attack him from the back your eyes widened in concern and your lips parted though you realised he wouldn't hear you. Eren turned, slamming the attacker into the nearby building after the Corporal had disabled his onslaught and he knew a little something of his own. Something he'd known since the beginning.

He was in and done for.

...

The last time his orbs settled on your figure he also knew, in a way even better than before...

Weeks of worry and nightmares had left their imprint on your gentle features. Eren would never understand the worry had been for him. He'd never know the sleepless nights and the faded tear stains had been for him. And while those facts might forever stay out of his reach he knew another thing - where to find you at all times. So he walked into the hospital with his two functioning legs, no facial hair and that determined though emotionless gaze that seemed to make him more humane, knowing you'd be there, tending to somebody else's needs like you'd tended to his. Your first reaction to seeing him step into the room was something he'd always remember - a tired frown deepening in realisation as the ice in a pair of cold eyes cracked and tumbled down sunken cheeks.

"I thought you wouldn't come back."

"I thought you wouldn't talk to me."

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"I really don't. I don't know."

You didn't have much time with him and it wasn't something you needed to hear in order to understand. You told your current patient to lie back down and try to rest as you left the building, silently walking after the tense brunet. He stopped at the exit and you stepped back, fearfully glancing up at him as he turned to face you. He noticed the sunken cheeks and the deepened lilac crescents, and the crease in the middle of your forehead as you knitted your eyebrows at him, but didn't address them. He stood there, fervently observing and memorising every part of you his orbs had access to and inwardly hating himself for thinking you no less beautiful than all other times he'd had the honour to lay eyes upon your visage. Then he saw the first tear. Quick to comfort you, Eren moved forth and cupped your cheek so gingerly it seemed to make you cry even harder.

"... it's Jaeger. Eren Jaeger."

"Which of my names do you favour more?"

"The real one. It has a certain ring to it."

"I've come to learn it sounds better when you say it."

A wavering smile kissed your lips as you met his bright gaze, twitching fingers relinquishing their hold on your white dress and instead hesitantly ghosting over the male's strong jawline, clenched in self-restraint. Eren visibly leaned into their warm touch with a small gulp as your tears gradually ceased cascading over your moist skin. A wishful breath slipped past the cage of your punctured lungs as the male stepped forth, cupping your face with both his hands and pressing a loving kiss to your forehead - desperate and burning with equal parts of pain and want. Your hands dropped to his chest and one happened to rest over his heart - hammering so loudly against his ribcage that it started sounding like human speech to you. Eren pressed your foreheads together and you cursed this whole situation before looking into his eyes, so emotional and in so much pain it made your windpipe constrict. Only if you could do something to help him.

"I never understood the look in your eyes."

"I know. But I understood the look in yours, Eren. I still do."

"Tell me what it means then. I seem to have a hard time deciphering it on my own."

Eren expected a snarky retort. He expected slight reproach and some motherly scolding, some true statements and a little bit of explanation. Maybe the smile you'd crack would reach your eyes in that endearing manner that always made his heart skip a beat or maybe you'd caress his face with your warm fingers as you spoke in a soft voice of how oblivious he was, how oblivious he'd always been. For you he was. But he was also unprepared for what you truly did. He was unprepared for the kiss, for the abrupt tug at the collar of his white shirt, unprepared for how good your hot lips felt against his own and the blissful feeling it filled his whole body with. The following minutes could be described using a few words - simple and prosaic but appropriate as could be.

Inexperienced: applicable to both of you, its existence didn't stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck as he lifted you off the ground effortlessly. Sloppy: the sound of lips smacking and teeth grazing didn't alert any nurse or patient in the building, you were in a world of your own as his hands creased your uniform and yours made a mess of his hair. Passionate: hardly anything a pair of teenagers could stray from, you felt your heartbeat speed up as Eren held you close - so close you felt every breath leaving his body so it could mix with yours. Desperate: fate, fights and rules didn't matter when he could feel you against himself, so warm and alive, so beautiful and tired, so lovable and loving, you were melting in his arms and he was intoxicated by the fresh smell of flowers in your hair and the sweet taste of tea on your lips, so smitten it was borderline ridiculous.

"I want to keep you safe."

"Lock me away then, Eren Jaeger. And come back for me when you win."

The look in his eyes was quite eloquent as to what he had in mind. He would do just that. He'd come back for you and you'd welcome him into your embrace as a victor - a monster so engrossed in protecting humanity it had neglected its own. He'd lock gazes with your austere hues and you'd smile one of those empty smiles of yours, and as you'd lean in to kiss his dry lips it would fill with that type of unhidden adolescent love Eren denied ever having witnessed. His bloodied hands would hold your small figure and you'd smile for him - a smile that could encompass all the stars in the sky and all the freedom in the world. You'd be free to do whatever you wanted, no longer labelled as devils and beaten like street mutts. The fantasy was vivid and beautiful, almost as beautiful as you. Eren felt your hands squeeze his. Your pants were fanning his face, bodies standing close as he left the imprint of his desperate need for you all over, kissing where tears had fallen, smiles been seldom shown and eyebrows knitted. Everywhere he could reach.

"I'll be back in a bit then."

It was useless to ask you to wait for him because he knew you would, even if he told you he wouldn't come back for weeks. Eren watched you glide down your white dress as his hands worked on his hair - combing it with his fingers and tying it with the small rubber band that had stayed in your hold after you'd tangled your digits in his locks. You spied the action out of the corner of your eye, with a worried expression that differed from your neutral frown only because you didn't normally furrow your brows that intensively. Your pout was visible as Eren exhaled a shaky breath, determination to leave wavering at the sight of your watery eyes. But you encouraged him, stepping closer and letting one of those empty smiles kiss your lips. The genuine one you'd leave for his safe return, along with the tears streaming down your face. You tip-toed to kiss him one last time, lips lingering as your eyelids fell closed and he revelled in the sound of your wistful sigh. Your gazes locked and you both knew two vastly different things which came down to one and the same statement, echoing in the hospital's hallway. It was the final verdict of your unrealistic wishes.

He'd fight fate itself if it meant this wouldn't be the last time you kissed him.

#eren jaeger fanfiction #eren x reader #eren jaeger #Eren Jaeger Imagine #reader insert #x reader #snk x reader #eren is hot and out of character but this IS NOT fanon eren #fiy never fanon eren #fanon eren is a hoe #this one is traumatised and can't enjoy his hormal period properly #but happy birthday to him nonetheless #i love this guy so much i wish him all the best and if real men were like this... well... #call me britney bitch because i do be in love with a criminal

[stilemawillow]

I’m curious as to what happens in the future for levi and reader . Would reader love someone else? And what would levi’s reaction be knowing that reader is already in love with somebody who is not him? Djskskdjsksjsnsjs

well. first, i apologise for taking soooo long to answer this. and second, prepare for a big af rant.

we can explore two timelines: a healthy one or a satisfactory one.

in the healthy timeline, the last scene in the fanfic crushes completely the idolised image reader has of levi. they take a bit of a break, so to say, and she never looks at him the same because yada yada yada - psyche stuff. important part is - they could sit down and discuss their feelings openly. and if reader's mature enough, she'll realise she's been worshipping him like a flawless deity which he isn't, very slowly snap out of it and probably go on to attempt to look at other men as romantic partners. i can't say how long that would take but she might get a boyfriend in college/uni and see the truthfulness of levi's arguments when she reflects on her feelings for him vs those for her bf in a more grown-up mindset with experience. and levi will be happy for her if she falls in love with sb else but also... twice as lonely because he knows he's the adult and has to be responsible for her mentality and relationships developing in a healthy manner but he can't help thinking he would've buckled if she'd given him a bit more time and maybe he would've been happy with her. he constantly reminds himself a guy her age is more suited for her but does sometimes go out of his way to think "what if?". hates himself for thinking it and never lets her see it out of fear it'll make her relapse into loving him again (sorry for referring to it like it's a disease lol). basically, a happy ending for her and a 50/50 for him.

in the satisfactory timeline, however, things look very different. same demolished idolised image during the last scene and same break but she thinks about it a lot before coming to the conclusion that she's loved him way too long to lose that. she decides to be mature about it and accept the fact he's human. it takes her time. she refrains from confessing and instead takes to asking him all kinds of questions so she can get to actually know him. it might take her a year or maybe two. it might be sth really trivial that makes her decide: this is it, i do love him, not the hero i made for myself when i was seven. she goes ahead and tells him. and when he tries to argue, she's the one who's having an adult talk with him. and when he sees that she's serious and mature about this, he buckles. he wants to have farlan and her mother's blessing before anything happens. both aren't opposed to it. so they try it out - one, two, three dates, they're easing into a schedule where they grow to see each other as humans, become even better friends and officially enter a relationship on her 21st birthday because she asks for it as a present. they might struggle a bit because he's still a working adult with more experience and he has his insecure moments but she's always there to reassure so the bumps along the road don't, ultimately, prevent the ride. i think in this timeline, i could see them never splitting up because both of them know how much they've sacrificed to make this love proper.

it depends entirely on you which option you pick and again, i'm sorry for the rant. i hope this satisfies your curiosity to some extent and thank you so much for asking.

#writing shitpost #kind ppl be like: this anon #anon ask #also kudos to anybody who actually goes through the whole thing - u do be patient #levi x reader

[stilemawillow]

Loverboy [Jotaro Kujo | Reader]

So, think I met Jotaro about… a month ago? Maybe a bit more. I’m not the bad guy by any means – there’s just followers of the cult all around. White-haired buzzcut guy spewing bullshit about revenge. I’m young and breezy, I want no trouble. I’m no part of no band – no delusions there. I just got friends, need to return favours and hooked on love. See, so that’s the key most times. But also, like, you could call it a release and a sealant at the same time.

I was five when my momma told me stories about love. She ain’t ever love my father, though. There were cigarette butts and liquor bottles all around the house. Nice little picture right there. No modern stuff. Sundresses and hats – she beat my ass when I asked what the weird balloons in my dad’s pockets were for. So, you see, love isn’t all peachy all the time. Hard to fight for it. My momma fought for it constantly. Oh, and when she lost the battle, she was beaten. But like, repeatedly. Wore sunglasses a lot. Didn’t curse, though. Bless her little soul. My father loved too much was all.

I loved a lot like him – high school came easy and popularity was a competition I didn’t bother to win. Was mine to begin with.

I have my dad’s good looks and my momma’s patience. The old man died some two years ago – his lady took off her ring way before but she’s doing good in the nursing home. So I’m what? Young, handsome, loving and just a bit weird. It makes me cool, though. How I got in with the friends I’m currently doing favours for – you could see I had a falling out with a band, then a girl slapped me, and another one, and some pink shoes were in a dumpster down the street, my car bumper wasn’t doing well, I switched locations, ain’t nobody chasing me and, well, it’s a long story.

I’ve personally got nothing against nobody. Unless they disrespect love. And I can tell you Jotaro Kujo’s big on disrespect.

Disrespect this and that and him and her and – who are you to be calling women bitches when they just want a piece? God, you gotta thank them and give them love. So our main guy had a problem, dragged his geezer along for it – if I’m not mistaken, a Frenchman, a cherry-lover and a weird shaman were involved, too. And the fucking dog – tell you the truth, dogs are no best friend, they the devil waiting for a weak spot to lunge at.

So, a merry band goes to kill a vampire with a big following. Of course some are going to get angry. I’m not one of them, I’ve only listened to stories. Here and there, and this one’s a dirtbag, that died, those were nasty, we laughed here and ran there, lots of failure and now we’re here.

I’m not a man who fails – have that as a disclaimer. So, it might be forty days since I met Jotaro now. You know, for a big as fuck disrespecter, he’s trying to be smart and, I gotta give it to him, he manages. Dreams – marine or something biology. Fine with me. Not interesting since it’s got no love inside of it but hey, perfection runs short these days. And I know from experience it’s hard being a good guy.

So, if you’ll be asking how I met Jotaro – we bumped once. Didn’t say sorry or anything. That when I knew the favour will be a breeze when it came to conscience. No guilt can torment me over a guy who don’t even say sorry when he bumps into you. Ah, but that’s not the important point. So, this job takes a bit of devotion and some inspection. I have to be careful with schedules, placements and the time of day. I also need collateral damage. I’m good at picking that shit out. Trust me on this. So I’m doing my thing, following, looking, inspecting, analysing – shouldn’t underestimate me when it comes to analysing.

I can sniff impossible love across a street. Cause some people just stink, you know? Jotaro especially. So it don’t really matter who collateral damage is. All it matters is to find somebody as stinky. And there’s this girl, man, they’ve probably talked twice or something of the sort. Share all their university classes. My momma would laugh if she knew I ever stepped foot inside a university. Back to the point. The girl stinks and Jotaro stinks. A match made in heaven. Pichit will have a fucking blast when I tell him about it later.

So, I got my collateral damage – a smarty pants with terrible hair. She’s got nice ears, though. Not big enough of a redemption but still. Nice feet, too. All I need is the placement and their university’s got this gorgeous fountain. Green stuff around, birds chirping, nice things. If they’re lucky, I’ll pin the time to two in the afternoon so they can have lots of sunlight. But that depends on circumstances, not on me.

Target – check. Collateral damage – check. Placement – check.

I need a time and that’s all up to fate but inspection lets me believe it should be coming along soon. You see, their schedules just barely brush at the fountain each Thursday. For – what? – fifty days now, I been watching the moment come closer and closer. They gotta come in contact or nothing’s gonna work out. But I said, I’m patient like my momma. And then we’ve got about a second to go and the job is done. It’s complicated shit when you’re telling it to somebody dumb. But I need lots of ingredients and, how do I dumb this down? I make prisons out of love. Here you go. Simplest description there is.

I’m hanging around on the rooftop, swinging legs and all, waiting for lunch break. I’ll probably have to hang around for another week before I can get to work but, hey, sandwiches here are pretty good. I have a perfect view of the fountain, too. I push my sunglasses and I see that big disrespecter come out of the building. It’s just the thing. He sits on the side of the fountain.

Some chick comes along begging for love and he’s being rude. And then my pretty collateral damage shows up – opposite direction, heading for him. Not for him, though. I know she sits on the other side of the fountain. But if there’s contact, there’s a miracle. I’m hanging off the edge of my seat. Literally. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up repaying favours from the clouds.

“You, bitch, come over here.” Or so I can picture him saying it. His hand waves. The chick next to him is smiling – wait, shit, there’s a spot on my sunglasses. No, no, she’s frowning. My collateral damage stops in front of them. I lean down further and stick out my tongue in concentration. You know, the worst part is not hearing shit when you gotta keep a distance. Something splatters on my shoulder. Man, this is a brand new suit. Fuck that bird. Oh, this stinks. And while I’m wiping at my suit with my glove – remind me to throw it away immediately after – there’s a giant as fuck splash down by the fountain.

Correction, in the fountain. I nearly gape when I look. Shit, fuck, this is perfect. Golden opportunity if I’ve ever seen one. My collateral damage’s in the fountain, soaked from head to toe. Jotaro probably pushed her. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Oh, this is spicy. She slaps his hand away when he reaches out for some reason. Dude, why you gotta make it worse on the girl you pushed? But this is my moment of contact. And here goes the job.

You gotta meet my buddy – Loverboy. Real cute guy. So I snap my fingers and he snaps his and it’s done. Well, not that quickly, but when we’re out of the loop, it will be. And I’ll still have to wash the freaking suit the bird shat on. Pichit will be paying for it. Now, honestly, all I gotta do is sit and watch the show. Do hope they make it interesting for me.

“What’s going on?” Big wide eyes and clothes sticking to a shivering body.

“Hold still.” A commanding voice. She’s standing in the fountain and she can feel the water creating nasty friction between her socks and her toes. He’s looking around. He’s got the same mean look he does every day. It’s pissing her off because, all of a sudden, everybody’s gone and he’s telling her to hold still like it’ll make people reappear.

“Don’t tell me to sit still, Kujo. This is weird. I need to try to find somebody.” She crosses her arms and his eyes strike her, glaring sternly even when he’s the one sitting down.

“I told you not to move.” He tries to reach for her but she huffs and turns around, crossing the fountain and making water pour on the ground when she steps out and shakes her head before heading for the building.

He glares at her back and cautiously rises from his seat. This is a Stand at work. But whose? He needs to figure out the ability and the range. There’s nobody around when he was surrounded by people a second ago. And why is (Y/N) the only one with him? It has something to do with the ability, he’s sure of it. Either that or she’s the Stand user. A scream echoes and he whips his head in its direction. He sees brain particles splattered on the door frame as it crushes her.

Just let me make a small disclaimer again. I can’t laugh in situations like this because I’ll be found quickly. But, man, seeing Jotaro the disrespecter’s shock when the door takes out my collateral damage – precious. Beyond precious.

And trust me, I don’t like squashing pretty ladies. But this one’s in for a lot of squashing and impaling and whatever else I can think of. Because, you know, I gotta make things plausible. Not just dangerous. And with how little chemistry there’s here, one or the other is sure to walk away from the safe starting point I picked out. I just have to wait for it and bam. But also, I didn’t actually think the door would work. If it hadn’t, I would’ve probably resorted to a bit of legwork. And I always have to kickstart shit because it’s not fun if I just leave them be. We all need a shock factor. Anyway.

First try. First fail. I think I’m aiming for twenty or so. Sounds plausible. Jotaro’s strong and he’s seen some shit so he’ll beat the average ten. But what’s twenty battles when you’re losing the war? Yeah, exactly – nothing. Oh, this will be quick, easy and fun. I love when things are quick, easy and fun.

The same vacant yard. The same building. The doors are intact. Jotaro’s back to sitting down. His eyes widen and he glances at the fountain. She’s there and she makes no attempt to stand up. Wet from head to toe, staring ahead. She can’t see anything.

“Stand still now,” he commands immediately, reaching out a protective hand to prevent any movement in case she tries to be reckless again. This is without a doubt a Stand’s ability. But it doesn’t give him any hints as to the range and the essence of it. It gives him nothing besides the fact they shouldn’t go into the building. It would be safest not to move at all. 

“I died.” Her voice quivers and her shoulders are shaken by violent tremors when he looks down at her. “It was real,” she whispers blankly, eyes wide with horror. His lips purse. He can’t make sense of this just yet but he knows now at least she’s not the Stand user. In that case, he has to protect her. He tells her she’s fine and she registers his presence. “You’re not the one who felt it! Kujo, I fucking died! It--- my fucking arm and my head---“ But she’s frantic and he has to lean over to grasp her shoulder.

“Quiet. I’ll get us out.” He lets it slip and she immediately asks if he knows what’s going on. “No. Not yet.” His eyes are scanning the space. The building seems empty. There’s no place around the yard that can hide a person and a Stand. It could be a long-range. She’s asking him what he knows. He keeps quiet. Approaching the building is dangerous. The opposite direction could be safe. He’ll have to test it. What’s the essence of this ability? Encapsulation, isolation – but a normal human is here, too. He hasn’t encountered such ability before. She’s saying he has to tell her because she died back there. He sighs. “This is the work of a Stand user. Our circumstances are the ability of the Stand.”

“And a Stand is?” She’s staring at him doubtfully while he explains a Stand is the manifestation of the owner’s soul and nobody knows exactly where they originate from. “So… a manifestation of somebody’s soul wiped everybody out and killed me?” She seems more and more dumbstruck by the second. She tries to scoot closer to his edge of the fountain.

“I don’t think everybody’s wiped out.” It would be impossible. A Stand cannot have such instantaneously giant destructive power and wield manipulation of space at the same time. If it did and he was the target, he would’ve died, too. She says that they’ve been wiped out and he shakes his head. “We could’ve been transported.” It’s the most plausible conclusion taking into account everything else.

“What, like an isolated case?” She’s staring up at him while he tries to surmise their surroundings again. Everything is faithful to reality but there are no other life forms besides them two. No birds when there were birds. No insects as far as he can see. It’s a mental trick.

“It’s the only thing I can think of which would allow for a restart the moment you died.” Because bending reality and time like that was impossible even for The World. It could freeze time for seconds but it couldn’t warp the physical world at will. Even Jotaro can’t. And when she asks if this is a mental or physical space because dying felt pretty real to her, he snorts. “It’s a mental space, no doubt. Now I just need to find the Stand user.”

“But if it’s a mental space, he won’t be here,” she argues instantly. His eyes narrow at her face – there’s water trickling down it. He knows she’s smart. He knows she’s quick to soak up information – quicker than him. He likes that about her. She might even prove to not be a nuisance while he’s trying to figure this out.

“So I have to gauge the ability more. If he’s here, I’ll find him. If he’s not, I’ll have to find a way out. He’s affecting the space around us so it’s a relatively long-range Stand. Which means it might be useless in close combat. When we find him, we’re out.” Jotaro stands up and spins in order to inspect the yard from all directions. They shouldn’t near the doors but can they go and check out the opposite side? And where would a Stand hide in here?

“You’re speaking from experience,” she observes solemnly. He spares her one look and doesn’t say anything. This requires more logic than it does strength. “What? So all of this is actually true and I’m supposed to believe it?” She’s just a bit outraged. He makes a step towards the fence on the left.

“Whichever you choose, don’t move.” The order is flat and harsh, and she sits in the fountain, crossed arms and a glare aimed at his back.

“You say, while you’re moving. What are you doing?” He nears the fence and tries to estimate whether movement in any direction signifies danger.

He’s about to look up when he can hear something moving down by his feet. The stone moves quickly but Star Platinum emerges just in time and grabs it as it's about to smash into Jotaro’s face. (Y/N)’s eyes widen at the happening. She can’t see anything but the rock hanging in the air next to Jotaro’s head. It happens way too quickly. Star Platinum is busy when the fence bends and pierces his chest. The pain is so indescribably familiar and he hates it. The sensation of dying isn’t so palpable.

“Seriously? You told me to sit still while you went ahead and died?” Her voice is loud and reproachful and he’s back at the fountain, sitting on the cold stone side while she’s inside, wet from head to toe and scowling at him.

“It wasn’t my intention.” But this proves it doesn’t matter who dies for the setting to restart. It also means the death isn’t truly real – if it was, the job would be done since he’s the target. There’s more to this ability. And surely, there’s a door of opportunity for them to leave its influence.

“Let’s just sit still and talk this time, okay?” She sits with her legs crisscrossed in the fountain and scoots closer. “Who is doing this to us? Not in the sense of a Stand user because I’ll just have to accept that part. I mean, who wants to kill us?” He sighs and says he’s the target since this is a Stand user. “You have how many enemies?” She quirks a brow and he looks at the way she wipes the water off her face. The sunlight makes each drop glimmer.

“I thought none,” he says with an averted gaze. She huffs and gets to clearing the wet hair from her forehead. He glances once and regrets it. Her neck is bare and while she’s flipping the hair behind her shoulders, he sees the way her shirt sticks to her chest.

“So we can’t figure out the person’s identity based on who you’ve spited,” she concludes slowly. “If you’re the target, why am I here?” He instantly dismisses that as unimportant. She gives a firm look. “I think it’s not. Now, I feel like you’re speaking Italian when you’re talking about Stands but they’ve got abilities. This particular one needs me here to be activated. So, is it a random pick or an ingredient?” He hasn’t thought about it but it’s more important to find the Stand user and beat his teeth out.

“I can’t say.” It’s a random pick at best in his opinion. He can’t be concerned with why it’s exactly her. But maybe he won’t be able to beat the Stand user seeing as this is a case of mental isolation. Could be a hallucination, an inner world, a visual trick or a way to manipulate and combine consciousness.

“We have to inspect that. Maybe it’s the way to getting out,” she insists on pursuing what for him is a dead end and he snorts at her adamancy.

“First, there’s no ‘we’ here. Second, all I need to do is find the Stand. Somebody is controlling our surroundings and if they’re confined in a mental space, the Stand has to be here to observe and monitor it.” In the least, the Stand would be present. The user can’t chart out a predictable script for their behavioural changes – he has to monitor and adjust his tactics according to their actions.

“And how do you plan on finding the Stand when we can’t move from the fountain?” She argues with a challenging look, making him glare. “I think my approach is better for our circumstances.” So she crawls out of the fountain carefully and sits next to him, glancing down at his backpack. “Can I use your notebook?” He sighs and waves a hand to convey that she can do whatever she wants. He turns to observe the fence that impaled him. Like the door, it wasn’t plausible for it to move in the way it did. Next to him, the girl chuckles. “This is cute, Kujo. It looks a bit like me.”

“It’s not you.” His head whips so he can observe what she’s talking about. Her fingers are leaving wet prints on his notebook and the page in the back is home to a sketch. He was bored and she was just two rows away. She was also the best subject. Her hair was nice that day. And she always seems to be immersed in classes she enjoys – her expression is very specific then. And pretty.

“It has my signature bun. And those right here are my favourite earrings,” she points out with a smug smile. His jaw clenches and he turns away from the drawing. “You had to look a lot to get the details. But my elbow’s a bit off. You weren’t listening in Anatomy class.” She’s mocking him and her elbow is nudging his arm. He purposefully moves further away and glares at the building to his left.

“Just shut up, (L/N).” But he can feel heat creeping up his neck and crawling into his face. His teeth are gritted. So what if he drew her that one time? It was a mistake anyway. Like when he stares at her. Or asks for her notes. She asks for his, too. They’ve had lunch together a few times. And just before the fucking Stand attacked, he might’ve been on his way to help her out of the fountain after the other girl pushed her and suggested that she wear his jacket.

“Are you embarrassed, Kujo?” She drawls with a smirk and water is dripping from the ends of her hair onto the notebook. She flips to another page so as to not ruin the sketch. “I’d show you how I made a cursive of your name when I was bored in Zoology but it’s drenched.” The offer makes him huff. His eyes are still on the university building on his left. She reaches into his backpack for a pen. “What if this is the link? I mean, us.” He’s about to call it ridiculous when he hears her breath hitch. She’s toppling over and he just barely catches her.

The fucking pen is jabbed into her throat.

She’s choking on the blood and there’s a gurgling sound just barely leaving her lips. His heart freezes at the sight. Her eyes are staring at him pleadingly. He swears he’s never felt this helpless. But also, this death is not real. It’s not real. The pain is hot and terrible but it’s not real. Three blinks later, she tries to say something. Doesn’t manage. And then she’s back in the fountain and the water isn’t turning pink because her blood’s dripping into it.

He lets out a ragged breath and reaches for her. Her eyes are wide, brows pinched together and she grabs his hand with no hesitation, clinging to it like her life depends on it. The shock will become too much for her at some point. He has to get them out before that. He pulls her closer, and slowly coaxes her out of the fountain and next to him. Water’s dripping from her, seeping into his clothes as he lets her cling to his arm for support and her breaths are quick and panicky.

He won’t be parting his eyes from her this time. Not for a fucking second. He’s responsible for this.

“Did you get scared, Kujo? You don’t let people touch you just like that.” She’s trying to mock him but she’s trembling and he tells her to shut up before grabbing his backpack and tossing it across the yard. Her fingers are weakly clutching his jacket. Maybe it’s about time he gave it to her because this might be a mental prison of some sort, but the sensations accompanying every action are very real. “I got scared. I couldn’t breathe. I don’t want us to be here.” Her lips are pursed and slowly pries her hands from his arm so he can take off his jacket.

“I’ll get us out.” He drapes it over her shoulders and she looks up at him, asking if he’ll do it her way. His lips purse. He still sees no sense in that. “Crack the ability by discovering why you’re here?” She nods and swears there’s a connection before asking if Stand abilities have ultimatums. He shakes his head. “They’re usually fit for combat. I haven’t seen such a Stand before,” he concedes with a lowered head. She scoots closer.

“And if there’s a way to get out without fighting it? It could be why I’m here.” He quirks a brow at the inquiry. Getting out without a fight seems too optimistic. And this isn’t supposed to be a puzzle.

“For conditions to be met?” She nods and her hair is wet. She tugs the jacket’s collar so it envelops her back better. It’s too big for her. She’s still shivering when, a minute of silence later, she asks if he has a Stand. “His name’s Star Platinum.” There’s a chance they won’t remember this after they get out.

“And you’ve fought Stands before?” She looks up at him. Her eyes are big and they twinkle in the sunlight. His lips purse as he remembers Egypt.

“I’ve killed their users, too. When a Stand dies, so does the user.” She doesn’t nod but he sees the fleeting shadow of horror on her face. He doesn’t want to scare her but she’s the one asking the questions. Of course, he can choose not to answer them. He doesn’t know why her presence predisposes him to honesty. He’s talkative around her. It’s weird.

“But if this Stand user’s goal is to kill you, he should’ve managed when… you know.” Her brows furrow and she puts a hand to her chin. The jacket slips off her shoulder. He reaches over and adjusts it. “And if the point of this is to restart when either of us dies, its goal lies in another course of action altogether. And maybe that’s why I’m here as an ingredient.” Her theory is as adamant as she is. But if her speculation is true, that means he either has to find the Stand or figure out the conditions he has to meet to get them out.

“What’s the course of action we need to take then?” He knows she’s smart. He respects her because she’s smart. She knows when to talk and when to think. Knows when to act and when to observe. Her intelligence has fascinated him since long before. But she only shakes her head now and says she hasn’t gotten that far. Silence settles again. He thinks about the conditions and the position of the Stand. He thinks about how he can move and act without leaving her alone or putting her in danger.

“Why have you fought Stands before?” She’s curious and he says it’s a long story. Quietly, he admits his mother was in danger. “How long ago was that?” She’s looking up at him and he snorts. He doesn’t like to think about it. When he thinks about it, he remembers Kakyoin. They could’ve studied here together.

“Three years.” And he got over it and kept going but he has so many nightmares it’s unbearable sometimes. He sees the pity slowly crawl over (Y/N)’s features. It makes her nose scrunch a bit at the bridge. Two wrinkles. They’re three when she’s disgusted. And two between the brows when she’s concentrating in class. “Why did you ask for my notes in our first year?” He doesn’t know why he asks it. She snorts and smiles.

“You were so antisocial I wanted to be your friend. You also seemed grumpy all the time. I didn’t actually need them but they were nice. You’re really diligent, Kujo.” The compliment makes him click his tongue before he says that’s not enough to cover up the fact she just called him antisocial. And the pity if there again for a second. “I get it now. So why did you give me your notes?” She asks in return and he rolls his eyes.

“Because I’m not a jerk.” She keeps staring like there’s another reason. He remembers it like it was yesterday – she stopped him after class and roped him into a roundabout introduction before begging for his notes. And he caught her lying because he learned later that the corner of her mouth twitches when she lies. She lied that she didn’t know his name. “Your smile was nice.” He can’t believe the nonsense he’s spilling but she only chuckles.

“Not anymore?” He doesn’t say anything when she teases him but he can deny it. Her smile is still very pretty. “You know, Kujo, that time you asked my favourite colour.” They were having lunch. She asked his. And then she lied that she didn’t know her own but he didn’t press. Now her smile didn’t twitch. “It’s actually your eyes. If it weren’t for the muscles and the dark and mysterious aura, you’d have fangirls because of them.” He scowled at the mention of fangirls and she snickered. “What? You don’t enjoy your fangirls?”

“No.” He hates them, in fact. Because he’s here to study, not to be surrounded by hordes of obnoxious girls. She is the only girl whose presence he can tolerate. It might have something to do with the smile.

“And if I was a fangirl? You’d be insulting me.” But he immediately says she’s not, to which she nudges him with her elbow. “True. My approach is way calmer. And better. Staying quietly in the periphery actually brings me a lot closer.” In order to prove it, she scoots closer. Her shoulder presses against his arm and he decides to leave it be. Then she jumps up. “Wait for a second, that’s it!”

“Stay down.” He grabs her wrist and tries to pull her down but she fights and turns to face him. She’s standing in front of him and their heights are levelled like this. He can see her eyes flicker excitedly as she tugs – not to free her wrist from his hold but to drag him along.

“No, it’s fine. We need to go. Inside, right now.” He says her name when she attempts to rush off towards the building and his fingers clutch her wrist harder. He can’t let her be harmed again. “Hear me out, Kujo. You said the Stand at least has to be here to monitor us, right?” She talks the same way when she’s cracked the code to a nasty question they’ve been asked in class. “And we don’t get harmed unless we step away from the fountain or come in contact with anything that can be used as a weapon. This means the Stand is watching us from the periphery – from a place that lets it analyse which objects it can use on us. I doubt it can see through walls.”

“So the building is a safe place,” he finishes her thought and she grins.

“Exactly. And it kept me from going inside the first time because the door was all it could see.” It sounds logical. It sounds too logical and it also sounds like a weakness they can use to their advantage. He can’t leave her alone so he’ll take her along. He stands and her wrist wriggles in his hold. He lets go and follows her towards the entrance. What’s the only place that allows a perfect view of the fountain?

“It’s on the roof.” His eyes dart upwards. They’re closing in on the door when he sees the railing on the steps leading to the entrance rip itself from the concrete and bend in her direction. He acts quickly but not wisely. He pushes her out of the way but he’s the one who suffers for it. A scream gets stuck at the back of her throat. The door comes undone and pierces him.

So, I gotta tell you that love is all about sacrifice. That happening down there is no sacrifice to me. I mean, love is about sacrificing others, not yourself. Love is about power, too. My old man liked to sacrifice others and my momma was powerful – they had love right there, somewhere between the bottles and the weird balloons. Whatever happens, Jotaro the disrespecter can’t love. Not really. Maybe his own mom, sure, but like – a piece of work like the collateral damage? Yeah, no way. I’m confident about that. Like I’m confident about a lot of other stuff.

Like when Pichit was about to break his leg on the rollercoaster or when Don lost his shoes and I told him the racoon got them. They don’t believe shit, those friends of mine. But it’s fine because we have our bromance and sometimes, we trust each other. Like they trust me with this favour and I trust they’ll wash my suit after it’s done. Loverboy, I gotta tell you, has real good eyes. Like an eagle. And sure, he needs a spot to watch from but I always pick a good spot for him. He’s my best friend because, you know, he’s me in a way. We both got good style. We love a lot and we hate people who can’t love. Strongest bond ever.

I think I got him when I was sixteen or something of the sort. Could’ve been seventeen. But he was no scary thing to me. Actually, he was my buddy right off the bat. Took me a while to figure out what he does but, hey, every friendship needs time to blossom. Kind of like when you’re getting to know a girl and she can make a cartwheel but she also wears flip-flops often. You gotta measure the sacrifice. Do I love the cartwheel or hate the flip-flops? But Loverboy and I got no such problems. We’re a good team and we’re strong in our own way. My momma used to say a friend’s there for you through thick and thin. No kidding. And that---

Ah, shit. Why do I have to waste so much time preventing stuff? I don’t fail so we got that. But seriously – why’s she protecting Jotaro now? Welp, here goes the sharp fence. I didn’t pick the fountain as a starting point for nothing. I can do this all day and they can’t stop it. Can’t figure it out anyway. What, like they’re geniuses? And I’m told Jotaro likes to work alone so there ain’t no chance in hell he’s going to warm up to teamwork, much less feelings besides frustration and helplessness when he’s in danger. He don’t give half a fuck for my collateral damage, dragging her along or not. If he leaves her alone, I shoot my shot. I don’t miss so that’s that.

Oh, how cute, he’s giving her his jacket. If it was me, I would’ve straight-up told her to take off her clothes. But the disrespecter’s not experienced or interested enough in true love tactics. Which proves to me I’ll be out of here and on my way in about… a second. It’s always a second anyway. Less sometimes. I’m good at mind games and not so much at calculation. But this don’t take no calculation. It takes patience. I got more of that than them. More love, too. Oh, here goes again. Let’s do the window this time. Haha. Quick, easy and fun. I’m having so much fun. What’s that? Oh. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

They’re inside. Shit. I won’t be telling Pichit this part. If he asks, they never got away from the fountain. If you try to tell, well, who’s he gonna believe? You or me? Yeah, I thought so, too. Now I need to do some legwork. If you’ll excuse me.

“I think we’ll be fine here for a while.” He watches her slump against the whiteboard in the classroom on the second floor with a sigh. Water is dripping from her clothes and she grabs a marker from the professor’s desk. “Let’s get down to thinking. This is either a time capsule, an isolated loop or whatever. And we’re here. What do we have in common?” She’s writing on the whiteboard and he’s leaning against the first row where she usually sits.

“Our major,” he joins in the speculations reluctantly, making her shake her head. She writes down their names next to each other and hums.

“I’m thinking more character-wise. It’s a bit like a grumpy-sunshine trope.” He clearly doesn’t understand it and she clearly doesn’t want to explain. She draws a small raincloud next to his name and a small sun next to her own. He scoffs. “So, we’re opposites more often than not. We interact often. But why today?” He instantly says they can’t be sure whether the Stand user chose today purposefully or just activated his Stand the moment he got here. “The fountain’s a good spot he shouldn’t have known about, though. Visitors aren’t allowed on campus so he’s either sneaked in or is part of the student body.” For some reason, Jotaro doubts the latter. He would notice a Stand user in the student body.

“You’re saying he’s inspected the place?” He asks with a frown and she points out the fountain is a perfect starting point that can be guarded at all times from the roof. He admits it is. This has taken some research at least. The Stand user would have to familiarise himself with the place. Which means Jotaro has gotten too rusty from living normally to notice his presence.

“Again.” She taps the marker against their names and draws his attention back to the board. “We’re opposites. What do we make of that?” He makes nothing of it because the Stand user’s goal is to get rid of him. By all means, it’s the only thing he can aim to achieve.

“Nothing. It’s a useless train of thought.” Jotaro snorts in a gruff voice and she tucks her wet hair behind her ear and frowns in disagreement.

“And I think it’s useful.” The moment she argues is the moment a stiff realisation crosses her features. It’s a fleeting instant and then the words drop from her mouth. “Opposites attract.” Jotaro knows that’s the law of magnets. So what of it in this case? She grows frantic the more she explains: “If this is about opposite-sex isolation, it could’ve been any fangirl of yours. You even had one close by. The difference is… you don’t like them.” She’s written down their sex and squints at the board before looking at him. “Have you heard about the experiments where they put a man and a woman in a dangerous simulation and observe the spike of their behavioural changes?”

“No, and I don’t see what that’s got to do with anything.” He truly doesn’t. She can’t just weave a Stand ability out of thin air and unsupported speculations. Abilities in Stands are fit for battle, too – not social experiments. They usually differ according to their owner’s character, temperament and ideology but the main rule stands – they’re meant for combat.

“Could be nothing or everything. This Stand’s ability reminds me a lot of that. A man and a woman are in an isolated space with their adrenaline constantly being stimulated. In situations like these, the couple tends to bond way quicker.” She’s blabbering and he crosses his arms, watching her sceptically.

“You’re not saying this Stand is based on a social experiment meant to simulate love.” It’s audible how much he truly doesn’t believe in her theory.

“Stimulate, not just simulate,” she corrects with a huff. “Pairs who underwent the experiment had a spike in compatibility and are often recorded as dating in the aftermath even when they went into it as strangers.” He can feel she’s lost the point of this. They’re talking about experiments that have nothing to do with their predicament and the Stand is probably looking for them. The building has five floors. How long would it take for it to catch up to their location? Jotaro suspects another five minutes at best. Two if she keeps being this loud.

“So the point is to fall in love and we’ll get out of here.” He glares when she smiles in approval. “Can you hear how ridiculous that sounds? And even if it’s true, how would the Stand user know how we interact? And wouldn’t he rather put me in with somebody I hated and had no chance at all of becoming fond of?” He might’ve accidentally indicated he prefers her to any other girl he could’ve ended up with but she goes along with it, like she hasn’t considered anything else.

“Think about it, though. That might’ve been his exact thought. He won’t put you with any of your fangirls because they like you already and they show it a lot. Maybe he doesn’t know you so he’s just watched you and based on observation – I’m the only girl who appears to be disinterested.” She indirectly hints at something, too. He’s not dumb enough to miss it.

“Appears?” He echoes and the pointed intonation makes her lips purse as she considers what to say. She puts the market back on the professor’s desk and looks into his eyes. The green mingles with a bright baby blue and creates the perfect turquoise shade. She gulps.

“Sure. If he’s had a limited observational period – two weeks or something to pick me out, he would’ve seen that we barely talk and I don’t swoon when I see you.” And Jotaro instantly defends that it’s exam season and they’re busy, which just makes her nod along. “Exactly. He might not know that. It might just be a miscalculation on his end. This is good.” She seems almost excited to announce it. He huffs and pushes himself off the desk. He thinks he can hear something.

“You’re trying to convince me the point of this loop is to fall in love. It’s ridiculous,” he states once he’s positioned right across the door. He’s standing between it and her while she asks what else he can think of. The answer’s immediate: “That we’ve given the Stand enough time to sniff us out.” And when he puts a protective hand to tell her to stand back, her eyes widen. Maybe she can hear the steps, too.

“I love you.” But his eyes are pinned to the door and she’s tugging on his jacket. “Say it back.” Her fingers tremble and her voice wavers. He won’t be saying it because even if that’s the point, nothing will happen if it’s just words prompted by survival instincts. Then both of them can hear the windows behind her vibrate.

He turns around and cradles her head to his chest just as the glass explodes. She screams. Such a fucking cowardly Stand – can’t even use its own strength to overpower him. Glass shards are piercing his face. Blood drips on her hair. He has to lure him out and fight him. Star Platinum is on edge, waiting for guidance.

“Just say it!”

But he doesn’t have the time to part his lips when the door slams open. His vision is impaired – one of his eyes is positively blind and the other is full of blood. He feels her wrestle out of his hold and she can’t see Star Platinum but she stands in the way. It’s then he realises it might not be wise to let his Stand be harmed. But he doesn’t want her to be harmed either. He blindly reaches for her in an attempt to tug her back. Her arm’s in his hold and it’s too late. Through a red veil, he can see the blurry shape of a tall pink figure with flaming hair. And when her body falls back in his arms, the hole in her chest is visible. His heart flinches inside his chest. Star Platinum’s unharmed.

And then they're back at the fountain. In an instant, he turns around and his feet splash inside the water, glued to the stone under as his arms extend to he can hold her shoulders. Same exact time, she’s crawling closer to the edge with her fingers hastily reaching for his face. Horror is coursing through their veins and they think one and the same thing when their eyes meet: You’re fine. The relief is grand and visible, almost tangible in the air. No words are spoken as he draws her closer and she complies until she’s on her knees and her arms just barely envelop his back, fingers desperately clutching his jacket. His digits tangle in her hair. His free hand is splayed over her back, between the shoulder blades where the hole was.

“You were scared,” she mocks in a weak voice, face buried in his chest as he exhales, nose burrowed in her wet hair.

“Shut up.” The command makes her chuckle. He was scared shitless. He’s angry, too. Then she parts from him and her hands are damp as they cup his jaw. She slowly rises to her feet and he looks up. Her thumbs rub against his skin and when their eyes meet, there’s the rage of a thousand suns in her hues. He likes the sight of it. He hasn’t seen this side of her before.

“Let’s smash this guy’s face in.” She sounds deadly serious and he agrees. His fingers slowly wrap around her wrists and he stands up, head slowly turning towards the roof. Now they know where the Stand is. He’ll take her along and Star Platinum will be her bodyguard in case the fucking coward tries to pull another trick. If this is a mental space, Jotaro might be allowed the pleasure of beating up the Stand on his own.

When they step out of the fountain and kick their backpacks in the opposite direction, the fence acts up. It bends and its foundations tear the ground apart in their attempt to shoot in their direction. The attack is spoiled when Star Platinum prevents contact. And (Y/N) gapes at the fence suspended in the air, then he nudges Jotaro’s side and hums.

“I’m assuming I can’t see your Stand but is he, like, strong enough to rip out one of the sharp edges from the fence for me?” And before Jotaro can tell her that’s unneeded, Star Platinum does exactly as he’s told. She blinks at the fence that seems to be breaking on its own. Jotaro glares at his Stand. “I just think I need a way to defend myself. I took one year of fencing in high school.” And the rest of the fence drops to the ground but one metal rod with a sharp tip hangs in the air in front of her. She takes it from Star Platinum with her smile blindly aimed up. “Thank you very much, Star. He can hear me, right?” She glances at Jotaro, who only scowls.

“Right. And he’s being way too complaisant.” She chuckles at the sour note in his voice.

“You are, technically. A manifestation of your soul and will, if I remember correctly.” Her smile is bright and teasing, and he snorts.

When they head towards the door, a few stones try to create trouble. They evade the railing with no casualties and Star Platinum wrecks the door before it can collapse. Once they’re inside, the danger is gone. Jotaro’s walking ahead and she’s in the middle with Star Platinum behind her.

When they get to the stairs leading to the rooftop, the group stops and exchanges looks. They’re quietly ascending the stairs, Jotaro’s the one who breaks the lock on the door to the roof and (Y/N) clutches her weapon a bit tighter. He’ll make sure she doesn’t need to use it. When he slams the door open, the Stand is caught off guard. Instead of fighting, it adheres to its cowardly ways. Only Jotaro can see it.

He gives chase and she’s behind him, following even when she can’t see their target. The Stand is cornered easily and, what’s more, when it tries to use its ability to make a random inanimate object attack them, both attempts are foiled. It’s probably weird for (Y/N) to sit still, unaware that Star Platinum is beating up the other Stand while Jotaro observes.

One of the punches seems to hit the switch.

God, this hurts. My momma didn’t teach me enough to deal with pain. And what’s this unfairness? The bad guy isn’t supposed to win. I’m not supposed to fail. I can’t fail. This favour’s supposed to be quick, easy and fun. I love it when things are quick, easy and fun. My jaw might be broken. And my ribs. I can barely move. Fuck, I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. This wasn’t planned. This can’t be happening. The bad guy can’t win.

And what if I was told not to underestimate him? I didn’t. It was all perfect. So why was he working with my pretty collateral damage? He’s not supposed to work in a team. They’re not supposed to get out before they off themselves. Fuck. I have to run. I have to run far and Pichit has to wash my suit and pay for the goddamn hospital bill. I ain’t taking any jobs after this. I don’t care about the followers or the favours. Fuck my friends, they didn’t even warn me this could happen.

Ah, I just want to go back to my flat with Loverboy and order take-out. I want shiitake mushrooms and shrimp. My momma used to make them tasty. Fuck.

Everything is loud and bright. Birds are chirping and a fly is buzzing by the top of the fountain. The noises are everywhere – so many people talking at once it’s almost deafening at first. Jotaro is blinking at the water splashing around inside the fountain. There seems to be a small rainbow where the sun hits the miniature drizzle just right. (Y/N) is inside, wet from head to toe and staring up at him with parted lips and wondrous eyes.

Both of them are overwhelmed by the noise and the colours and the people. Some are having lunch, others are talking in small groups, walking around, crossing the yard, standing still, laughing, joking, and complaining. Voices and people everywhere. Even the girl who pushed (Y/N) into the fountain is still at Jotaro’s side, looking down at them with a scowl.

Everything went back to the instant they were transported by the Stand’s ability.

Jotaro gets the very intense urge to get in the fountain and hug her. She, in turn, is struggling with her own wish to jump and tackle him to the ground in front of everybody. Instead, she grins up at him and he offers her a hand. This time, she takes it. His fangirl doesn’t enjoy the sight. He couldn’t care less but she obviously has a vengeful side to her because once she’s standing to her feet, at least three people are looking at her wet form and Jotaro helps her jump out of the fountain, she slowly lets go of his hand and aims a big smile at the fangirl.

“Thank you for this, Hori. I’m indebted to you and I like how my hair looks when it’s wet. I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow, okay?” The girl blinks at her, utterly stupefied and just a bit disturbed. (Y/N) turns to Jotaro and smiles at him, too. “Now, should we go?” He sighs and they hold onto their backpacks while rounding the fountain. Jotaro knows they’re heading to the rooftop.

“You didn’t make a scene,” he remarks on their way into the building. She’s just a bit wary of the door. Her shoes squeak down the hallway and people are staring at her weirdly. She’s not used to it because she forgets her appearance is supposed to inspire confusion.

“You’re taking me out on a date later, Kujo. She deserves gratitude.” The quip makes the dark-haired male glance down at her doubtfully. He has to admit maybe he doesn’t mind the idea of taking her out on a date. Most of all when it would’ve taken him way longer to get out if he’d been on his own. Still, he’s just a bit surprised at how well she’s taking this – mostly the aftermath that might’ve left her scarred. He hands her his jacket and she drapes it over her shoulders. “Thanks. How about you don’t kill the guy? I want to ask him about my theory.”

“You look quite unaffected by the experience, (L/N).” The remark makes her lips purse. Even if the death wasn’t real, the sensations were quite on point. He glimpses momentary discomfort on her face before she lets out an airy chuckle.

“I think we’re close enough to use first names at this point. And also, I might be a bit more adaptable than I thought.” In spite of that, Jotaro stays mad at the stupid fuck who intervened in their normal lives. She would’ve been better off not living this. They’re climbing the stairs and the lock on the rooftop door is already broken when they arrive. Jotaro opens the door and expects a fearsome enemy’s attack. He’s not prepared for the disfigured bleeding mess on the floor. Next to him, (Y/N)’s eyes widen in fright and her nose scrunches up. Three wrinkles for disgust.

“G-Get away from me!” The guy draws back in horror, splayed on the ground and trying to crawl back. He has two pink tresses in his blond hair. “F-fucking psychos! How did you---“

“Let me stop you right there,” (Y/N) says, stepping forward and glaring down at his bloody face. As far as Jotaro can see, he’s got a broken nose, a split brow and two busted teeth. His ribs are probably cracked. “We’ll walk you out of the university premises and you won’t come back ever. But before that, I want to ask you about your Stand’s ability. It’s a mental space, right?” The guy blinks at her.

“A loop, yea. B-But you’re fucking crazy and I don’t have to answer any questions.” His voice comes out wheezy and squeaky. He’s shaking in fear. Jotaro quirks a brow at his defiant behaviour and (Y/N) glances at the dark look on his face.

“I think you’ll prefer it to the other option.” She’s not smiling but her voice is upbeat and placid. “Now, since it’s a loop in a mental space, was there a way for us to get out without beating your Stand?” She isn’t nearly as disturbed by the sight of the beaten-up man. Jotaro thinks this much is enough although he wouldn’t be against some more. An additional punch or two just to be safe. The guy spits out a spiteful spoonful of blood and snorts.

“Yeah, the disrespecter here had to give up on shit a-and off himself because you’re not compatible at all and---“

“So we had to fall in love or kill ourselves?” She cuts off with wide eyes, making Jotaro’s lips purse. The guy at their feet growls in outrage and points up at the dark-haired Stand user.

“T-That’s the whole point! He can’t love shit and you’re the perfect collateral damage because you barely talk to him!” His words would have made sense if it weren’t for her theory. She’s grinning and her hands are on her hips when she tips her chin proudly and looks up at Jotaro, who only averts his gaze in spiteful defeat. He shouldn’t have let her come along. She could’ve gone through life without the knowledge she was right.

“I told you! I was right the whole time!” Her finger jabs into his biceps and she tugs on the jacket around her shoulders while clearing her throat and looking down at the guy again. He’s staring at her like she’s crazy. He probably thinks they’ll kill him or something. “I figured it out. Without the part about killing ourselves. It’s a smart move but… we actually like each other, I think.” She gestures at them and the guy’s face contorts in utter disbelief. Jotaro clicks his tongue at the pathetic sight.

“So thanks for the date.” His deep voice makes (Y/N) grin.

“Y-You weren’t supposed to… Y-You can’t possibly, I watched you! You hate everybody! A-And---“

“Let’s get you out of here, huh? You’re pretty shaken up.” She crouches in front of the guy and he doesn’t dare strike her for fear Jotaro will act faster. They force him to his feet and he’s shaking like a leaf. Jotaro’s the one who has to support him on their way down the stairs. “Do you have a car or should we call an ambulance?” But he’s nearly catatonic because of the shock and doesn’t answer. “I didn’t think you’d beat the sense out of him, Jotaro.” She shoots Jotaro a look of reproach and he huffs. 

“Let’s just walk him out and leave him outside.” Less than three minutes, they’re sneaking out of the side door leading to the parking lot. She’s wet from head to toe and they’re helping a bleeding man limp between the cars. When they reach the side entrance, Jotaro lets the Stand user slump down to the ground against the fence and glares at him. (Y/N)’s the one who crouches down, grips his nose and harshly pushes to the left. The guy screams and bites down on his tongue.

“I hope it hurt like a bitch. That’s for the long-term paranoia I’ll have around doors. And for making me see the guy I like being in pain.” Jotaro’s eyes widen at the action and her words, and then she stands to her feet, leaving the Stand user to whimper in pain while she heads back to the building. “Do you have anything to say to me about my theory?” She teases when Jotaro opens the door for her.

“It’s a bullcrap ability that wasn’t supposed to exist at all,” he states with a huff. She smiles and says it’s enough that he’s a bit spiteful in his rejection, then complains that she needs dry clothes to attend her next class. He hums and he knows it’s out of character when he suggests: “We can skip.”

“I didn’t think you were a bad boy, Jotaro.” She smirks and he clicks his tongue. “We do deserve rest after this. Might’ve been less than a second in reality but all the stress drained me. Are you hungry?” But both of them know neither had time to enjoy lunch and the experience messed with their heads in terms of orientation through time. He nods and she’s very transparent in her offer. “Come over so I can change and maybe I can cook for us.”

“Traditional?” He questions with a quirked brow and suggests omelettes and miso soup. He’s on board. And when they’re heading for the main entrance, she asks if he thinks the guy will try to attack him again. He sees the uncertainty on her face and shakes his head. “His Stand is the most cowardly thing I’ve seen. He wasn’t much better. He won’t risk it.”

“It’s weird how he accidentally picked the right people,” she muses with a hum. “He was so shocked we worked together, too. Do others think we don’t get along, too?” He thinks whoever even cares enough to be acquainted with them is pretty much aware they’re on good terms. And some – the ones she calls his fangirls – might even be suspicious regarding more. She wouldn’t be getting pushed into fountains otherwise even though Jotaro is greatly annoyed by the fact girls have turned pursuing him into a competition with him as the prize.

“Do you care about that?” He glances down at her and sees her tug his jacket and burrow her nose in the collar with a thoughtful hum. She’s cute sometimes.

“Depends. Maybe not.” So he thinks the conversation is done for the time being. Less than a minute late, she asks: “Hey, Jotaro, that one time we got to the classroom – would it have worked if you’d said it?” He knows exactly what she means and his blood runs cold in nervousness at the mention. Seeing as he refuses to answer, she nudges his arm with her elbow. He won’t say it. “Oh, come on, we survived a shitload together, you can tell me that at least.” Her eyes are twinkling up at him pleadingly.

“We’ll never know,” he concludes in a gruff voice. He’s scowling when she says she can just get the guy to activate his Stand’s ability again and have them test her theory. But there will be no need for that. “I’ll just beat him up again.” He’s glaring, tipping his hat lower, and she laughs. It’s a nice sound.

“You’re red, Jotaro.” She’s annoying. Annoyingly smart, too. His face is red, she’s smiling knowingly and she’s pretty even when she’s annoying. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. It would’ve worked.

#jotaro headcanons #maaaan jotaro kujo is a big boy #jotaro kujo x y/n #jotaro kujo x reader #reader insert #x reader #jojo x reader #jojo fanfiction #i know many don't know about my love for jojo but here it goes #wrote this in two days and am hyped to post it #even tho the storyline do be wobbly #i dreamed it btw so that's my excuse #JOTARO IS SO FUCKING UGHSSHDBHDNAKJNFS #frothing at the mouth #this man is just... perfect yes gimme #anyway 10k words for a 20-min plot #anyway enjoy? #also villain pov because i'm experimenting with unreliable narrators

[stilemawillow]

“you use too many commas in your writing” you gonna comma over here and stop me

[stilemawillow]

MTIJ | Ch.28 Does Being a Secret Agent Fix Things?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 12k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

Cheating. I cheated. Now my high school teacher might be cheating. Conclusion: we're all scum.

“I’m just a bit busy, Ann. My brain doesn’t work properly right now.” I was leaning against the wall again – this time with a clipboard in my hands, Adam smoking on my left and Melinda Carter bound to show up and ruin our break in about three minutes. And my best friend was talking about things I couldn’t quite comprehend but, in her defence, I wasn’t giving it my best either. Speak of being a terrible friend.

“Not that it usually does. I’m just saying it’s been bothering me,” Annie sighed and I figured she was probably busy chafing her bottom lip against the upper one as she often did when worried or overthinking. Deciding to wholly ignore her initial remark, I readjusted my shoulder and clicked the pen I was holding a few times in thought. The calculations on the clipboard weren’t coming out properly. The numbers had to be wrong altogether because this here on the page was entirely impossible…

“I understand why it would,” I began in a slow considerate tone before giving a small snort, “but give Erwin some more credit, would you? I doubt he waited for you to graduate to go fooling around with another woman less than two months later.”

Click, click, click, bitch. Asshole-me laughed as my eyebrows furrowed at the clipboard and Adam suddenly pushed himself off the wall only to stand directly in front of me instead. I didn’t look up.

“But he’s constantly mentioning the new nurse, which is a good cover story, technically, and when I used his phone to call Mike the other day I saw she’s been calling him a lot. There’s no way for me not to worry.” Annie sounded like she was on the verge of something – whether it be a simple mental breakdown or straight-up neurosis, I couldn’t know – and I was off in some faraway land, caring more about a few numbers on a stupid clipboard than my best friend. “Plus, the school is barely populated in the summer and yet Erwin says he’s got a lot of work,” the blonde justified with a cold voice but, even when I wasn’t paying 100% attention, I was able to detect the lingering doubt in it.

My gaze flickered up to meet Adam’s eyes before following his gesture to the corner of the building. Break was probably close to its end. So Melinda Carter might come along any second now. I gave the raven a small nod before pursing my lips in mild frustration. I clicked the pen in my hold three more times and tucked the clipboard under my arm, finally letting my shoulder relax as I wrapped my fingers around my phone and held it to my ear.

“I have to get going, Annie. I’ll call you later so we can finish this talk,” I said, not quite aware of what a terrible friend I was. I had a hunch, but also, I was supposed to be an employee right now. And I was terrible at it, too. Nothing I ever did seemed good in Melinda Carter’s eyes so I was basically failing at life before I’d even gotten into college – it was a big deal that surely wouldn’t make my parents proud.

“Better don’t. I’m just worrying unnecessarily.” Annie’s voice was back to being ice. She hung up on me right after. I had no time to respond. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket before Adam reached for my hand. Right, that was another part of the ever-so-broad definition of “terrible” my character had. This particular specific was the fact I hadn’t told him anything about anything ever since Levi had shared with me the truth about Petra. Did that count as playing with his feelings? Was I leading him on, taking into account I had no intention of going back to my father’s hot intern? I didn’t know.

“Problems?” His blue eyes bore into mine and I reluctantly let him lead me to the entrance of the store by the hand. It was as warm as it had been almost a week ago when he walked me home. I shook my head “no” after which he smirked cockily and asked the usual: “Want to have dinner with me then?”

“Not exactly.” It had turned into a reflex for me to reject without considering since he offered it every day. I smirked back and yanked my hand from his hold when the automatic doors opened and Melinda’s manicured hand waved at us – or, more like, at Adam. He headed back to the register and I walked with him for the sake of not having to talk to my “boss” for another half a minute. He sat in the spinning chair behind the cash desk and I propped my elbows on top of it with a knowing look.

“How about tomorrow?” There was no smirk this time – just the puppy eyes. A Flynn Rider type of smoulder would’ve done a better job and I was about to give it a bit of thought before the rough draft of a genius plan suddenly hit me. I’d mentioned I was being as bad a best friend as I was an employee. Well, I knew for sure which of the two I could fix. Wanting to be a better person instead of a better provider for a capitalistic society that didn’t give a flying fuck about me, I smiled real wide at Adam and shook my head.

“I have an important thing. Maybe some other time.” I pushed myself off the cash desk but Adam swiftly grabbed my wrists and vouchsafed me his crooked smirk. I pouted at him before avidly slipping away from his loose hold and giving the tip of his tan nose a push that made it scrunch up cutely. The result was me walking away from the scene with a giggle, blind to the soft gaze the raven let linger on my form. I was blind to a lot of things, really.

“Miss Raven.” I swore my mouth had never curled downwards so fast in my life as it did when I heard Melinda’s voice calling my name. Here came two more hours of me toiling as she filed her nails and sang along to pop songs, sounding like an animal in pain even during the humming of the instrumental part. Honestly, I could probably listen to the scraping of her file against her nails on a loop for a month straight so long as I never got to hear her sing again.

Best moments of my life? The ones I got to spend away from that blonde and her Gucci bag. Also could be translated as: when I got off work and the only face I had to look at for the few following minutes was Adam’s. This afternoon we walked out of the store drained physically but not mentally. The usual cigarette hung from his lips, I had his leather jacket on me and over it – his arm. I was laughing at his exaggerated fuckboy “sup” nod when my gaze pinpointed a figure standing in the parking lot. My hand pushed weakly at Adam’s chest and his attention left my face. A small sigh left his lips as he removed his arm from my shoulders and I returned his jacket with an apologetic expression. His smile was bright and I parted my lips with the intention to say something, only to change my mind for a lack of things I could say. He lit up his cigarette and I skipped over to Levi, eyeing his glare with suspicion.

“You have work,” I stated with a deadpan as he rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets only to stuff them right back with a weak huff. We took off towards our house – his pace was slow so I could walk normally, but the distance between our shoulders was a steady twelve inches at all times. I hate to say, but I was the one putting it there – quite purposefully, too.

“Thanks for telling me,” he returned with dry sarcasm, looking as indifferent as each and every other day. So why was I so bothered, one may ask? I would say I didn’t know and still the grumble (Feelings are worse than numbers.) in my mind made asshole-me laugh. I scowled at her nasty voice and proceeded to huff.

“Why did you come?” I sounded like a complete dumbass. I knew he’d come so he could pick me up from work. I wasn’t that oblivious when it came to facts despite the fact I was literally blind to feelings of any sort unless they were thrown in my face. But, mind you, I was exceptionally good at picking up on behavioural habits and traits. And my dear little intern had recently adapted to a borderline uncanny pattern he himself might’ve not acknowledged.

Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.

Excuse.

Silence.

Repeat.

“I wanted to take a walk.” Despite the nonchalant voice that would, under no circumstances, hint at his true motive, (Excuse.) Levi was probably well aware of the bullshit he was spilling and how it did nothing to help itself be believed. That kind of excuse would work on people with brain cells matching the number of fingers on their hands and, no matter what comment Annie would want to slip in here, I wasn’t part of that majority.

“Sure.” I nodded after a small pause, hesitant enough to let him know I didn’t plan on arguing though I was aware he was lying to me. He didn’t respond.

Silence.

The next step of the pattern. I could trace its beginning back to last Sunday when I’d negated the giant improvement we’d made the day before that. Or, well, negated the improvement in terms of physical intimacy and actually maybe encouraged it in a way in terms of communication. Still, the main part of the issue stayed. My abstinence concerning Levi and his affections – if they could even be called that – came and went like your usual plan to diet – you start on a random Monday and find yourself stuffing your mouth with doughnuts before Thursday rolls in. Well, I started my Levi diet on Sunday and ever since then, he decided to become times more delicious and inviting solely for the sake of corrupting my noble intentions of straying from inappropriate temptation.

I knew that sounded self-centred but I was purposefully straying from him out of pure shame and he, just as deliberately, went running after me with coffee and benevolence. It was his way of saying it was fine, that the love of his life was dead and I was a bitch but he’d known this would happen so he wanted me to act normally – I understood that much but he couldn’t really believe it would happen so fast. I’d gone through the past five days telling myself I was the living embodiment of all bad words in the dictionary – my asshole side had helped me pick them and recited them in my head in the middle of the night – and the root of the problem was acting like a saint, forgiving me for dissing him when all he’d done was protect his privacy. It was a logical notion that he’d hate and avoid me but no – let’s go against all logic and be kind to the trash who triggered the worst part of my life for four months in a row!

Wasn’t I on a fucking roll? Incompetent, selfish, horny against all virgin origins, dumped over the phone by the only boy in her life after having oh so kindly rushed into cheating on him with a man who was still mourning his dead fiancé, audacious enough to get depressed for a whole two weeks after the break-up, too proud to coherently process and sort out her feelings, pathological liar prone to acting out her life, thinking herself smart when the only thing she could do was calculate the length of her sleep if she went to bed half an hour earlier and always rushing into shit she couldn’t handle on her own. Good day, ‘t was I, your humble storyteller. Feeling entertained yet? I know I was having the time of my life.

“By the way, has my father mentioned the usual August business trip already?” Before my thoughts could spiral further, I decided to redirect the topic to a place I knew very well. No, not City of Dumbassery since I already visited it during my call with Annie and that was more than enough for the rest of the month. However, I could bet, much like my impending failure regarding my Levi diet, I’d find myself back there at some point by the end of August. The intern shook his head at my question, ran a hand through his hair and flatly began explaining that they had no big deals to arrange when I cut him off: “It’s not about deals and contracts, though. It’s about relaxation.” His brows furrowed in confusion and I smirked. He had no idea what awaited. In that case, I had to tell him. “The August business trip is my father’s way of making it up to those who work the most. You’re going on a one-week vacation but he’ll make you call it a business trip.”

“I don’t see the point in being taken along,” he retorted doubtfully, making me chuckle.

“It’s necessary for you to go. Not only because you work too much but also because the cover story falls apart if he doesn’t take his intern.” I shrugged and Levi hummed thoughtfully to let me know he’d understood.

“Do you have any idea when it will be?” His voice was a bit closer. I glanced at him and saw the distance between our shoulders had lessened by a few inches, then pretended not to notice it. I rolled my eyes and feigned contemplation when I knew very well it would be at the end of the month. It was a tradition for my father, not to mention the very same vacation William had never come back from. The thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

“No, but he’ll tell you at least five days in advance.” The small lie slipped past effortlessly and the rest of our walk was spent in silence. When we slipped out of our shoes after I locked the front door, he headed into the kitchen to make food while I changed into more comfortable clothes. A warm meal was sitting on the counter when I returned downstairs and Levi was in the living room, where the coffee table was barely visible under the various stacks of papers he had on it. It was time for me to return the favour, I guessed with a sigh. I made him a cup of tea, took the food he’d prepared and plopped down on the couch next to him.

Our eyes locked when I handed him his drink. Our fingers brushed as he took it and I gave a weak smile he never returned. He resumed doing his paperwork and I leaned back against the couch in order to enjoy my meal in peace. About ten minutes later, my dish was empty and I got up to leave it in the sink. Maybe to Levi’s surprise, I returned to the couch afterwards and leaned into his side, sending a silent message from my antenna to his.

Be my pillow, asshole.

So he complied.

Repeat.

It’ll take me around five minutes to walk from his place to the high school. I mused internally as my feet paced down the pavement the next day – a Friday on which my former high school was supposed to be open, would you look at that coincidence – and my hands were busy stuffing my work uniform in the backpack dangling from my shoulder. But before we go down memory lane there, we’ve got some other things to check. Asshole-me reminded wisely as I turned into a relatively empty street, searching for a particular rusty door. Thank fuck Hanji had given me details. Let's be the bestest fucking friend there is. I snorted whilst opening the door, then proceeded to climb the stairs to the fifth floor before pressing the doorbell by flat №51. My ten-second wait was rewarded by the sight of Hanji's benign expression contorting in mild surprise. "(Y/N), it’s so good to see you! Do you need Erwin for something?" The brown-haired woman was genuinely excited – it made me conclude maybe I had to pay her a visit or two without a selfish goal in near future. Unfortunately, now wasn’t that near future and I wasn’t here with wholly innocent intentions. I was on a mission so I had to be fast and efficient, and, of course, not get caught.

“I was actually wondering if I could come inside for a bit and talk with you.” I smiled and inwardly defended my manipulation with the fact this particular sentence hadn’t been a lie. Hanji gestured for me to enter before asking if I wanted something to drink. I could spare about ten minutes in here. And I needed for her to be distracted for a bit. I responded I’d like a coffee, not only because it was my go-to drink, but also because (It takes time to prepare and almost no time whatsoever to consume.) it was beneficial. The living room was right across the front door, but Hanji headed down the only hallway to the left. I followed with soft footsteps and watched her disappear behind the last door in line. To my right there were two doors and to the left – only one. It was open so I could see it was the bathroom. If so, I had a fifty-fifty chance of hitting the Jackpot on the first try. So I quietly rushed into the closest room on the right and nearly fist-bumped the air when I realised it was Mr. Smith’s bedroom.

Not wishing to invade his privacy more than was needed (Not that you’re not doing it anyway by snooping around his bedroom without permission.) I gave the space an overall scan while asshole-me analysed stuff in my head, and only moved things around when it came to the most obvious hiding places. It didn’t take a lot to conclude a woman hadn’t stepped foot inside the prim room. And when I heard the clinking of cups, I rushed back to the living room and nearly tripped into the coffee table in my haste to sit down on the couch. Ten seconds later, Hanji entered with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Her smile made my shoulders tense.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Her brown eyes settled on my face and I deliberately maintained eye contact prior to speaking up because one of the few practical lessons on Psychology Erwin Smith had taught had been about making a good impression on somebody. Eye contact strengthened trust and promoted honesty and determination. It was low of me to apply this here but, like I’d entertained myself at the hotel by playing a lame detective, here I needed to be a proper secret agent.

“You and Mr. Smith are good friends, as far as I know. Did he tell you about his feelings for Annie before they got together?” A gentle smile sat on my lips as I curiously gazed into Hanji’s eyes. The action and expression were both meant to predispose her to trust my pure intentions and I guess they did. Now, this here – playing a dumb little lamb – was a Raven trick, not a psychological one.

“Well, I had a hunch the girl he liked to talk about was a student but he never told me outright her name or specified anything inappropriate, if that’s what you’re hinting at. I wouldn’t be so happy for him if there was anything fishy going on.” Hanji grinned and I sipped on my coffee with a hum. My brows raised at the taste. If nothing else, I’d say this woman made excellent coffee. I would certainly visit again. When I put my cup down, I shook my head.

“No, no. Same here really. I had my suspicions at some point but somebody who waits that long is genuine in his feelings so, that at least I trust about him. When exactly did he mention her in that way, though? If he has at all.” She crossed her legs with a chuckle and leaned back against the couch. I crossed my legs, too. That, people, was called mirroring. Not a Raven trick. Just a woman’s trick of subconsciously making somebody else like you. Could never be a Raven trick because we were too good at picking up on it so we banished it altogether.

“Maybe a year ago. He was really torn back then because, you know, the age gap and all that. He felt guilty for it. But his feelings went maybe an additional year back. He told me Annie had become an object of interest for him about the time some water-balloon-related accident had made her take your place in detention so you could go on a date with your boyfriend. Then she’d persuaded Erwin into not punishing you because you’d been framed.” The story’s last few sentences were spoken in a softer voice, almost like Hanji was uncertain whether she was remembering everything correctly. I’d sipped on my coffee up until the last moment, when my hands put it down with an eager gasp. The mention of the situation had made my incessant frustration on the topic reignite.

“That’s the truth! Hitch threw the balloon at our History teacher and made a run for it so Annie and I looked guilty! It was an undeserved punishment and Eren was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary that day, so there was no way I could miss it,” I defended fervently, scowling in outrage at the mere thought. I’d begged Annie to somehow slip out of detention, too, so we could later scheme how to prove it had been Hitch’s fault. Except my best friend had decided to be the brave knight. Still, another detail seemed to draw Hanji’s attention more.

“Eren? Eren Jaeger?” Her confused voice brought me back to reality only so I could hear my boyfriend’s (Ex-boyfriend, darling. Asshole-me corrected.) name out of her mouth. I bit back a spiteful snort at the arrogant tone in my head. The fact she was right was beside the point. The reminder was king of unneeded right now.

“Has Mr. Smith mentioned him?” I inquired cautiously, lifting my cup to my mouth in order for it to hide the uncertain pout of my bottom lip. I couldn’t be the perfect actress if we suddenly started talking about Eren Jaeger. Before I knew it, I’d gulped down the whole coffee and Hanji had watched me do it with an empathetic smile tugging at her lips. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before clearing her throat with a nod.

“Yeah. He mentions what a good couple you are.” Her smile was big and sincere, and most certainly not meant to hurt one bit. Not meant to make my heart clench like that. She couldn’t have known. Or maybe Annie had said it just once. Or maybe she hadn’t said it at all. My windpipe constricted at the incorrectly used present tense at the end of the sentence. I’d never thought a mere grammatical mistake could be so painful.

“Were. Anyways,” I deliberately avoided looking at the sudden realisation on her face whilst rising to my feet and giving her the brightest smile I could muster, “I should really get going. It was nice chatting with you.” I headed for the door and she followed suit with a muffled “visit again soon”. She locked the door after me and I rushed down the stairs and out of the building like the act of that would erase the last part of our conversation. Focusing on the mission at hand was more important right now. I shook Eren off my mind and contemplated my next step.

Now comes the real thing. His apartment’s like a monk pad, so if the school’s clear, too we know he’s innocent. The five-minute walk turned into a three-minute one due to all the physical strain I exercised in order to distract myself from the impending worsening of my mood. By the time I’d realised it, I was marching across the small park leading to the high school gates. And if he isn’t innocent? Asshole-me’s cocky rebuttal made me shake my head. You and I both know he is. Don’t play the devil. And before she could respond, I saw Mr. Smith’s silhouette in the distance and ducked behind a pair of bushes. He was with a woman I hadn’t seen amongst the staff prior to my graduation. I was spying on them when a hand rested on my shoulder. My soul left my body, I bit back a scream and was about to end a man’s whole career (and future offspring) with an uncalculated punch to the nuts when I heard Levi’s voice.

“Princess, what the hell are you doing here?” My father’s intern was crouching behind me with a suspicious frown that made me so angry I slapped his hand off my shoulder and stared at him with utmost indignation. He could’ve ruined my mission and I’d prefer not to get questioned on why I was stalking my high school teacher.

“Asshole, don’t do that,” I hissed with a racing heartbeat and he stayed quite unimpressed by my panic. “My soul was on its way out of my fucking body and--- Wait a second, what are you doing here?” I cut myself off in the middle of a rant and my brows furrowed because, frankly, he couldn’t have a brilliant excuse such as mine for lurking next to a high school like a top-notch creep.

“I asked first, so maybe I should get an---“ I muffled the rest of his retort with my hand as the other one pulled him by the collar so his head could hide behind the bushes properly. That resulted in him losing his balance and almost crashing into my chest but, luckily, that didn’t happen. With his arms on the ground on each side of my body and my fingers stubbornly pressing against his mouth, we listened to the incoming Mr. Smith and his female companion.

“Do you still have a lot of paperwork?” The gentle voice asking that made my lips purse. Then Levi bit into my fingers and forced them off his mouth. I gaped at his audacity and glared.

“We have a lot of transfers this year. I have to talk to two different families today.” The familiar tone of my former Psychology teacher sounded. My ears were graced by his heavy sigh, followed by a sympathetic hum from the woman next to him.

“It’s really hard being a teacher. The only work I did was when Mrs. Stevenson got a nasty papercut last week,” the nurse said, confirming her position as the alleged lover, which, more or less, made my eyes narrow in suspicion as Levi attempted to analyse my behaviour. This, however, was a puzzle he wouldn’t put together without any clues.

“You still come in, though. That’s what I call commitment.” I could imagine the blond’s smile as they kept walking towards the high school gates. Once their backs were facing us, I peeked through the bushes at them stirring their coffees and him letting her in first like a gentleman. They got lost around the corner and I let out a breath of relief before checking the small red crescents on my fingers with a pout.

“Now, why are you stalking Erwin?” Levi’s question reminded me of his presence and I turned to face him with a scoff. My determination to prove myself worthy of Annie’s friendship wouldn’t buckle in the face of his prejudice. I couldn’t half-ass anything when it came to this mission.

“Annie’s worried he might be cheating on her with the nurse so I’m checking to see if it’s true or not,” I explained with a nonchalant shrug that made the raven scowl at me disapprovingly. I would’ve probably sided with that kind of reaction if I hadn’t already tried and failed.

“You’re not giving Brows enough credit. He’s loyal to boot.” I doubted Levi was on equal par of friendship with Erwin as Hanji, but I knew he was a good judge of character. The fact his defence on the topic matched the one I’d had was the strongest weapon in existence, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t proof.

“I said the same, asshole, but this isn’t about what we know of Erwin’s character. It’s about my best friend’s feelings and I won’t be reassuring her empty-handed. Now, what are you doing here?” I was sure he would answer now that I’d given him my summary of the situation. And, as most times when it came down to it, I was right. He flatly explained (Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.) he’d seen me looking like a creep on his way to visit Hanji so he’d decided to check what was going on. His grey hues struck me like the warning look of a strict parent struck a curious child with a tendency of getting into trouble. Rightfully so, but a simple look wouldn’t stop me from making a fool of myself for the sake of my friendship. Maybe he already knew that. “Well, I skipped the second half of my shift to play a secret agent and since you have the story now, you can go.” I crossed my arms and stared at him challengingly. My expression tried to convey the message that he had to leave me be, but, as it turned out, he was deaf to such messages. It wasn’t a surprise that besides being arrogant he was also stubborn as a goddamn mule.

“You’ll fuck up if I don’t stay.” He stood from the ground and dusted off his clothes before offering little overly offended me a pale hand to grab. I didn’t take it, got up on my own and put my hands to my hips, expecting some further justification. Now, to this wordless message, he wasn’t deaf. How shocking. “You lack tact and you’re not deft or quiet enough to do this on your own.” He made me sound more like an ape than a human. The pattern couldn’t yet materialise in my mind but later I would realise (Excuse.) this had been exactly a part of it.

“And what’s your plan, Mr. Secret Agent?” I asked with a glare, folding my arms over my chest once more as he huffed and gestured for me to follow him. Moving deftly down the path through the trees, we reached the gates and he explained his plan, that wasn’t really a plan, so matter-of-factly it was almost like he’d been on such needlessly dramatic missions a thousand times. It reminded me of the night he’d gotten me to Hitch’s party with the handmade rope.

“If you want to spy on Erwin, we’ll have to sneak up to his office first. Trailing him is off-limits because he’s surprisingly shrewd. The only thing we can do is eavesdrop. And you’ll have to keep your mouth closed the whole time. Do you think you can?” The perfect grammar ruined the effect but the intent stayed and I pushed at his shoulder with a glare as we crossed the yard and slipped inside the building.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last one,” I smiled wryly and he snorted. “And what were you in a past life – in the mafia?” The joking inquiry made him huff as we went up the stairs to the Psychology cabinet on the second floor where he was supposed to be doing paperwork. If we were lucky, we wouldn’t run into the families he had meetings with and if we were unlucky, like most times, well… we’d improvise because we were relatively good at it.

“If I was, I would’ve said to put a gun in his mouth and just ask him if he’s cheating or not.” The volume of Levi’s voice had dropped since we were nearing our destination but that didn’t prevent me from hearing the muffled tone of my former teacher. I blurted out a sharp “shut up” and my alarmed gaze bore into Levi’s face but he was dead-set on not obeying me, even in a situation as crucial as this one was. Not a life-or-death predicament, certainly, but a decent secret agent had to avoid being questioned at all cost. “You shut up,” the raven returned with furrowed eyebrows, making my lips purse.

“No, really.” The sombreness in my voice was clearly incapable of conveying the message that I genuinely needed him to clamp his piehole shut. And when he opened his mouth to defy me once more, only my nickname slipped out before my hand muffled the rest. I’d had it. I grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged towards the door we’d stopped next to. My own ear leaned against the cold wood and the raven’s icy glare pierced my temple when Erwin’s voice sounded on the other side, shutting up whatever wordless message the intern had for my tactless ways.

“I’m sure she doesn’t know. It’ll be an unpleasant surprise, so we’ll keep it a secret instead.” A gentle timbre and an amused chuckle like that coming from Erwin Smith would’ve made Annie’s knees wobble but the only thing they did to me was heavy damage. My eyes widened and I met Levi’s surprised gaze in order to exchange opinions telepathically – the one advantage of all that mind-reading he performed all the time.

Are you hearing what I’m hearing? My unbelieving expression asked, making the raven nod weakly in confirmation. My fingers slowly parted from his mouth. Tell me it’s not what I think it is. I begged with pursed lips and knitted brows, only to have him give me a helpless look and a shake of his head. Can’t do that princess. Came the response. I could almost hear him say it with his tone doing that small regretful dip. I weakly slapped the back of his head with narrowed eyes in order to voice my reprimand. Real reassuring, asshole. The conversation ended there, as the unsuspecting blond teacher on the other side of the door spoke up once more.

“If we’re careful, she won’t find out. I’ll see you later.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing such things from Annie’s fateful boyfriend’s lips. Not to mention, the moralist preacher on duty who’d lectured me for four years. If this wasn’t a misunderstanding, I would probably try to punch him. “I love you. Bye.” This was probably the end of the conversation. I grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled him into the next cabinet in line, which I knew for a fact was abandoned at all times of the year. Why I knew it was a story which mostly consisted of Eren and I making out there and never getting caught because it was one of those empty places lazy authors used for turning plot points in stories about high school romance.

“We heard what we heard,” I concluded gravely, hopping up on the teacher’s desk as Levi stood by the whiteboard and glared at his feet as though they’d give him the legitimate excuse that would redeem what we’d just eavesdropped on. The most he came up with was the relatively weak defence that Erwin had been on the phone. I craned my neck to observe the white ceiling and avoid his pointed gaze. “That sounds like a good cheating strategy and it adds up with what Annie told me about the nurse calling him daily,” I reasoned calmly, making Levi hum as he crossed his arms. Everything we’d heard was incriminating but there was no way for us to prove his innocence. Unless… I looked back at him with a giant grin. It didn’t take him long to notice the crazy glint lingering about in my hues. “There’s one way to find out,” I mused slyly and the mind-reader hurried to object.

“No, princess. We’ve already committed a form of trespassing and this is the dictionary definition of a violation of one’s privacy.” He stepped forth firmly, a warning standing out in his eyes. I shrugged with as much carelessness as I had in me and folded my arms in an attempt to provoke him.

“Don’t be a chicken, asshole. You go in and get him out of the room, preferably with his phone not on him. I’ll sneak in and check who he was talking to. It’s that simple. You were right in sensing you had to come along.” First, provoke. Second, negotiate and belittle. Third, mock. I was smirking and he could sense there was more. The most important step that triggered what was dearest to him – namely, his pride. “Unless you’d rather we do this the right way and ask him straightforwardly? A perfect little boy like you would love that, won’t he?” Fourth, patronise. Fifth, condescend. In simpler terms – fish, line, hook – and look, we’ve got a fish already. This technique our family called the Jared Raven Special.

“You’ll owe me so fucking much,” he grumbled in frustration as I bit back a victorious grin. Not that this had a way of failing, taking into account it worked on everybody. But also, pride was important to Levi. Reputation. Being good and behaving and acting with just a bit of condescension because he was better than others. Because he was. But now the line between bad and better was blurry because morals meant doing something he was mortified of and getting called out on it sure had to feel like a nightmare. Things like breaking the law in small doses were no longer of importance when he had to prove himself.

“I can pay you back in kisses,” I mocked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes at his glare and knowing he’d refuse. The “please act your age” look he gave me only fuelled my wish to keep going. “No?” I piped with a smile, slowly morphing into a smirk as my lips parted. “I thought so.” My smugness came apart when he stepped forward. Maybe I deserved this payback, what with shutting him up and cutting him off so many times today. I certainly didn’t expect it to take such (pleasant) form. His lips caught me off guard when they landed on mine. Then my hands cupped his face and his hand tugged on my waist. He smelled of lavender shampoo and I felt like I was a sophomore again. To somebody else, we probably looked like a horny pair taking part in the movie adaptation of a random romance novel with a sappy ending. “That was a violation of my personal space,” I breathed out, hand against his chest as he snorted. Heat crept up the back of my neck when our eyes met and I pushed at his chest, gaze averting. “Now go.” He left the room silently and I took a deep breath prior to hopping off the desk. I eavesdropped – muffled conversation, some cussing, the closing of a door – and when the footsteps fading down the hallway disappeared altogether, I left my hiding place, looked around warily, slipped into the Psychology cabinet and snatched Erwin’s phone from the desk with an elated fist-bump. My exultation was short-lived.

“Fuck’s sake, he has a password. Let it be something sappy.” So I tried Annie’s birthday. A message in red announced the reduced number of attempts I had to get this stupid thing unlocked before shutting down. I tried his mother’s birthday because Annie had told me once he actually had a proper relationship with her. Nothing. I tried a typical grandpa password of repetitive zeros. Nothing. I tried the date of the water balloon accident. Nothing. I knew nobody said last time was the charm because it wasn’t true but I was about to fact-check that since I could already hear Levi’s voice down the hallway, which meant I had to hurry up.

Last chance, darling. Be him for a second and insert yourself in a relatively meaningless existence full of duty. Now, what’s the best day he’s lived? Asshole-me had never been a big help in situations that required composure because she often made me lose it, but her rhetorical questions flipped the switch. The best day he’d lived? The one on which he could be with Annie, of course, taking into account the rude stuff with the meaningless existence and all that my asshole side blurted out. No other day, in hindsight, would matter as much – not even the one on which she’d been born or the one when they’d met. Fingers crossed. I typed the date of our graduation and the screen unlocked, revealing his call history along with the answer to all my questions and Annie’s worries.

My eyes widened at the call log, I turned off the phone and left it exactly where I’d taken it from, sneaking out of the room as soundlessly as possible right after. Or, at least, that was how the original plan went. Nothing was ever that simple when it came down to applying theory to practice. We could compare this to dancing for a second. Yes, think of this mission as dancing. When Mr. Smith and Levi entered the room, I was involved in a motionless tango with myself inside the tall locket next to the door. Then I did the only thing I could think of and texted my father’s intern.

I need help, asshole. My SOS dinged in his back pocket and he read the message while Erwin was taking a seat at his desk. The raven’s lips pursed. My chicken was mad at me. Not a surprise.

I can’t leave you alone for two seconds. Where are you? Even his typing sounded angry. I could see him scowl as he faced the whiteboard and tried not to grunt in exasperation. I replied as quickly as possible, wishing to get out of my hiding place for fear the weird smell of chemicals would make me sneeze.

*One-hundred and twenty. And I’m in the locker to your left. I need a diversion to get out. At that, I felt like his wide eyes successfully managed to pierce the metal parting us so he could glare me down into a puddle. Before he could type a reply of his own, Erwin turned to address him and made us break our alleged eye contact.

“In relation to that, Levi, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Hanji. I know I have no right to criticize, but I ask you to be more aware of the girl’s feelings.” The blond’s concerned expression, along with the confusing speech that obviously annoyed Levi, made my nose scrunch up in puzzlement. I didn’t need an additional load of encrypted information when everything had been successfully unravelled at last.

“In this case, she has none. And shitty-glasses has no right to discuss those things with you.” Levi looked just a bit angry, to say the least. I wondered if he would’ve reacted the same way had he not been aware I was in the room. I squinted at his profile through the little gaps in the locker and saw him glaring at Erwin like the blond had insulted his whole family tree. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, forming spiteful fists that made my head tilt in mild confusion.

“That’s true but you know how she is. We talk about everything and she always wants to help out. In this case, she thinks I can be the one offering advice.” Erwin tried to ease the tension but his gentle voice only made Levi’s shoulders tense further. It was almost like his storage of abilities consisted of everything but being composed right now.

“Your Psychology degree doesn’t mean you can lecture me about feelings every time we meet. You’re perceptive enough, so get the gist that I don’t want to talk about this.” Levi rolled his eyes at the whiteboard before leaning back against the first row of desks. Folding his arms over his chest was, as I’d long figured out, a defence mechanism against unwanted conversations that – albeit hardly functional – he never stopped putting to use.

“It’s not about feelings this time, it’s about attachments. You like to renounce the former but everybody has the latter.” Blue clashed with grey as the blond teacher intertwined his fingers over the wooden desk he sat behind. The words that left his mouth made Levi snort with so much spite it made my brows raise in surprise. The following curt denial the raven provided only proved he was too proud to admit he had feelings of any kind.

“I don’t.” Getting a hand through his hair was a sign of frustration and, accompanied by those two short words, it almost made me scoff from inside the narrow locker. The circumstances preventing me from doing it, however, weren’t present in my former teacher’s case. Erwin scoffed at my father’s intern, an amused smile tugging at his lips as their eyes met.

“Then what is that still doing around your neck? The event was done long ago. Hanji also says you never take it off. She tried to take a look at it once and… what was it? Oh yeah, you nearly slapped her.” The words made Levi flinch. I blinked owlishly at the scene because my attention was brought to the silver necklace poking from under the collar of his shirt. I’d seen it once or twice thus far but never thought about it too much. Levi grumbled and approached the window a second prior to snapping.

“It just became a habit to wear it. Look, if you’re going to keep talking about this, at least let’s do it by an open window so I can jump if I get too tired of listening.” He opened the window and the blond rose from his seat to join him, either out of need for fresh air or for fear the raven might actually keep his word. I didn’t know which, but I knew this was my chance. Keeping as quiet as possible, I opened the locker, only for it to make a loud click. I sprang for the door like a wild cat.

“Did you hear anything?” Erwin’s voice sounded but it was too late – I was leaning against the wall outside with a hand over my mouth to muffle my ragged breathing and wide eyes blinking at the empty hallway in mild panic. This has been a close one.

“Seems like old age is catching up unexpectedly fast – you’re hearing things now. I have to get going,” Levi said, making me breathe out in relief as I heard his nearing footsteps.

“We didn’t even---“

“I don’t care. I didn’t come to discuss feelings.” The door opened when the raven cut off Erwin and his pale clammy fingers wasted no time in grabbing my upper arm the moment he turned the corner. Without exchanging as much as a glance, we paced down the empty hallway.

“Attachments!” My former teacher’s offended exclamation followed us and made our panicky heartbeats quicken further. I would’ve giggled at the pettiness but we were skipping two steps at a time and Levi’s expression was so constipated I thought I could spare him a bit.

“Tell me you managed to look at his phone,” the raven grumbled flatly, sounding too close to dead on the inside that just a single note of an octave lower would’ve let his voice finally match the way his skin looked at all times. I threw him a sideways glance he decided to ignore for the sake of putting his hands in his pockets, which, in turn, drew my attention to his outfit. I hadn’t had time to evaluate it in our adrenaline-fuelled haste. He was wearing a plain pair of black jeans and a simple black T-shirt that seemed just a bit tight around the chest. Just great – when I was set on avoiding him, too. It was amazing how my perception of his outfits depended greatly on the firmness of my decision to not engage in any “sexual” physical contact with him.

“We’re technically saved because he was talking to Annie, but I do need to verify one last thing to reassure her properly considering all aspects of the issue. Prepare for a little bit of panic and a yelp.” I glanced ahead as we took on the last flight of stairs to the first floor when I sensed Levi throwing me a doubtful look. However, it was too late. I knew the nurse’s office was mere feet away from us and I had to put my best acting skills to use. The lack of audience for a conceited person like me was a pity.

“What the fuck is that supposed to---“

I grit my teeth, shut my eyes and kicked my own ankle like I’d kick a molester in the groin. There began my journey through the air to the hard floor at the foot of the stairs. My shrill shriek sounded – made to sound as realistically as possible, closely followed by the fleeting touch of Levi’s fingers on mine as he tried to catch me. I heard him curse. It was loud and my palms stung when I caught myself at the last second, taking my time to sit up before taking a breath and biting back a sigh.

“It hurts so much,” I wailed loudly and Levi stared at me in visible shock. My eyes were pinned to the nurse’s office’s open door and then – the fair-haired woman rushing out with a worried expression on her youthful face. My head bowed and I inspected my red palms with a blank expression, thinking of a way to make this spectacle as believable as possible.

“Are you okay? What happened?” The nurse’s melodic voice was laced with concern and her brows were furrowed as I stared up at her like a kicked puppy whilst continuously recalling Eren’s voice as he broke up with me. My asshole side, set on saving me the actual pain, pulled at the question marks of each painful inquiry (What’s Eren doing now? Is he well? Does he ever miss me? Has he found somebody else?) that tried jabbing itself into my mind and hauled them across its entirely to the very back, where they wouldn’t be too big a bother just yet.

“We were visiting my boyfriend’s former teacher and I tripped. It really hurts.” Tears visibly pushing at the corners of my eyes, I threw Levi a pointed look while the nurse tried to examine my ankle. Her blond locks swayed as she eyed my slumped posture apprehensively, dainty fingers tucking a small strand of short hair behind her ear.

“Come to my office, I’ll get a better look there. Do you think you can walk?” Her countenance nearly pierced my resolve as it soared soothingly above me with an outstretched hand so frail it could’ve done no indecency whatsoever. Not like Annie’s hands, with their small palms and calloused knuckles, skin worn out by the help she lent to her father and the several fights she’d initiated to protect me. Not at all alike, those two pairs of hands. I knew which I liked best. I gritted my teeth in determination, grabbed the fair-haired woman’s fingers and attempted to lift myself off the ground.

“Ow!” A pained groan left my lips as soon as my “wounded” ankle was put into action and I stumbled. The nurse couldn’t keep me upright but when I thought I’d fall back onto the floor (Oh, the woes of a dedicated actor! I need an OSCAR, father!) my head bumped into a toned chest and a protective pair of arms held me up. My stance relaxed like melting gelatin when my eyes locked with his. “Levi, carry me,” I whined, ignoring the way his fingers twitched over my shoulder at the sound of his name. My (for the third time now) fake boyfriend rolled his eyes and complied with my request as the nurse led us to her office, hoisting me up into his arms in the blink of an eye and forcing me to stifle a yelp as my arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. “Grab her phone while she examines my ankle. You have about a minute to check her texts with Erwin,” I whispered firmly, to which the intern’s ashen hues darkened murderously at my face. His grip on my back tightened and my eyes slid down the length of his nose to the curve of his thin lips and then, the collar of his shirt. My eyes narrowed at the silver necklace hiding beneath.

“There will be a password.” The retort slipped past his pursed lips, making me snort as he spied on the nurse’s back and walked as slowly as possible towards the door she disappeared past. I held onto him, suppressing the urge to steal glances of his necklace again and check whether I could make out anything about it or the pendant its existence presupposed.

“I can bet you five bucks there won’t be.” I barely had the time to whisper it before he stepped through the door and put me down on the bed by it with surprising gentleness – in comparison to the way he’d lifted me up at least. The nurse crouched in front of me and cautiously observed my dangling legs and their red knees as the raven-haired intern reluctantly scanned the room for her phone. Once he saw it on the desk by the window, he approached with slow soundless steps and a pair of furrowed brows.

“I want you to tell me exactly where it hurts.” The nurse’s words stripped Levi of my intent gaze as I nodded compliantly and felt her fingers roll down my sock after taking off my shoe. Fingertips firmly moving over the places she considered to have been fractured, she was still oblivious to the lack of pain I would show under normal circumstances. So now I had to think up a spot that hurt, too. And while her fingers felt around my tendons, joints and bones, I let out small “it doesn’t hurt”, “hurts just a bit” and “no, to the other side.” And my own oblivious ass didn’t at all expect what came next.

“Ouch, yes, there,” I exclaimed in surprise, wide eyes and gritted teeth, and asshole-me was laughing inside my head. Karma – or whatever this was – obviously hadn’t decided to treat me kindly today. The nurse gave me an apologetic look and I glanced at Levi in mild panic when she stood up and went to grab something from the cabinet across the room but he was prepared – leaning against the window and nonchalantly gazing down at his own phone. “God, I’m so clumsy,” I chuckled awkwardly when the nurse returned and began tending to my ankle.

“It happens to everyone. I skipped some stairs a few days ago, too,” she shared with a small reassuring smile while Levi glared at me before making sure she wasn’t about to turn around anytime soon so he could get to work. I leaned back against the wall and let her put a compress on my ankle as a sigh left my pouting lips. I had to get in character.

“It’s dangerous when the school’s almost empty. Isn’t it lonely having only teachers around?” Empathy packed into a compassionate statement did wonders to prompt the nurse’s opinion on the matter. I guessed she was a good person, but I couldn’t be sure so I was yet to be burdened by guilt on the topic of manipulating her in such a heartless manner. But, well, if I could do it for my family for pride and money, I sure could do it to a stranger for my best friend and love.

“Not really if they are your friends, but since I’m new here, I suppose it’s still a bit uncomfortable. It takes time to adjust.” She gave a sheepish smile and a gentle crease appeared in the middle of her forehead. My chin dipped as I observed Levi guiltily grab her phone over her shoulder and turn it on, grey eyes not once moving to look at me.

“The teacher we visited was really nice – Mr. Smith, if I remember correctly. You should make friends with him. He seems kind.” The suggestion, asshole-me and I agreed, didn’t come from either of us – it came from the naïve five-year-old I wished I’d never been. Still, even she helped sometimes. The innocent voice did, too. And I was glad to have lived through one too many Thanksgiving Holidays, Christmases and Lamb Holidays to be able to steer the conversation exactly where I wanted it to be.

“We’ve been on good terms so far but he’s got a lot of work.” The nurse brushed a wavy lock behind her ear as I gave a small snort and leaned down to whisper closer to her ear. If this next line didn’t do the trick, I would have to think of a back-up plan. But it would do the trick because there was nothing people loved more than finding they shared something with somebody else. So if this was a homewrecker, she’d love to hear from a cheating whore. And if it was a superficial woman with a crush and minimal intentions to pursue it, she’d love to hear from an immorally superficial teenager. Win-win. For me at least.

“Don’t tell my boyfriend, but I think he’s kind of hot. A bit old for me, though.” Sweet as honey and ever so lacking in the implausibility department, the words seemed not to strike even remotely close to any kind of chord in the woman in front of me. My red knees stung as she disinfected them with the caution of a surgeon and my face briefly fell when she didn’t grace me with as much as a doubtful glance.

“He’s not exactly my type, but I suppose you’re right.” She shrugged and my jaw would’ve gone slack had I possessed less composure. It took me a second to banish my bewilderment for the sake of prodding further by asking if she had a boyfriend if Mr. Smith didn’t interest her. The curious inquiry made her chuckle. “Not really.” Her hazel gaze darted up to meet mine and her sides reddened briefly in joy. Her next words made me (nearly break character) shit my pants. “I’ve been married for seven years now. My husband’s the sweetest man in the universe and you should see our daughter – so excited to finally go to school. Erwin is actually helping me get her into a decent elementary because he’s got connections.” Her attention returned to my ankle as she checked the bandage and I used the window of opportunity to frantically gesture at Levi. Alarms blared in both our heads as he put the phone whence he’d taken it like it had stung him and I was caught red-handed amidst my panic. “Is everything okay?” She quirked a brow, worried and naïve, and I didn’t have the heart to act like a hollow-headed girlie anymore. My hand was frozen in air where it had repeatedly slashed in front of my throat in order to make Levi bail on our plan.

“Yes, everything’s fine. I was just fanning myself because the air is a bit stuffy. But your family sounds great.” I awkwardly fanned myself with that same hand as Levi stepped away from the desk and came to my side. The nurse gave us a wondrous smile prior to standing up with the announcement my ankle hadn’t sustained serious injury and needed just a bit of rest for a few days to be back to normal. “Thank you for the check-up. I hope everything goes well with your daughter’s enrollment.” We walked out after that – I was limping and Levi was shaking his head in what I liked to believe was a mixture of bewilderment and disappointment.

“How did you know?” Came the bored question once we’d arrived at the gates. I took a second to process what it meant and a sly smile slipped over my lips as I explained with a careless shrug that she was a nurse. I knew he was clueless as to how her profession was in any way related to her password. I glanced at his profile. Not cold today. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His sharp gaze bore into mine and I looked ahead, suddenly finding the front a more comfortable view to observe.

“It means a secret agent has to keep some secrets to themselves.” I could feel my lips curl at the edges as a pair of snorts sounded a second later. Mine was self-assured and his sounded tired of life. “I guess the whole conflict is resolved now. I’ll call Annie to give her a full report later.” The smile on my face softened as we crossed the park and passed the bushes we’d hidden behind about twenty minutes earlier. It seemed like a good idea to nudge the raven’s side. “I’ll make sure to tell her I couldn’t have managed without my chicken.” I glanced up and (Silence.) saw his eyes were pinned to the front. He clicked his tongue in distaste at the new nickname. We both knew it wouldn’t hold. We kept quiet afterwards, walking and listening to the speeding cars, and watching our step over the pavement.

“Your father mentioned the business trip today. We’re going next Tuesday and returning a week later.” The declaration startled me out of my thoughtless daze. I glanced at him but he didn’t look. Over his shoulder, I saw the cars. It didn’t click at all that he was purposefully walking on that side. I curiously questioned the destination and had to put my acting skills to use yet again. I had no right to feel bad that he was going on vacation but that wasn’t it. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth. What if he never came back, like Will? I had my reasons to think Levi wouldn’t mention anything to anybody in case he decided to go back home, because they might try to change his mind. “Minnesota for others, New Jersey for us,” he said, eyes pinned to the concrete beneath his feet. Too indulged in thoughts of next Tuesday, I didn’t see him look at my limping form.

“The beach sounds good.” I smiled and it felt forced. “Try to tan and if you come back looking like a tomato, I’ll never let you live it down,” I mused with a strained smirk as asshole-me, contrary to my expectations, decided to help me dismiss the unnerving question (Will you come back at all?) from my mind so I could return to playing a more plausible version of myself. Levi scoffed and stated he was tanning enough. His hands were in his pockets and I threw him a pointed look. My fingers were tugging on the pockets of my own shorts. “The only thing you did was get a sunburned nose on my birthday, asshole. Don’t flatter your complexion that much.” I rolled my eyes and he glared at my temple.

“I don’t need constructive criticism from an overdone steak,” he spat flatly, canines flashing in the afternoon sun like most times he became a tad bit snarky during our banter. I suppressed the urge to stare, mostly because it would lead to the thought of his mouth and how it had been on mine less than an hour ago.

“Very well, porcelain boy. Just don’t be offended when somebody in New Jersey mistakes you for a ghost.” I elbowed his shoulder with a huff, making us both face the front. I came to realise sometime later that we were walking so close we were inches apart from looking like a pair of lovebirds incapable of touching because of the heat. A ridiculous comparison. We could never look like that. One would think I’d go back to maintaining my twelve-inch distance after realising it wasn’t there, but today, I didn’t feel like it. Not at all, not right now and not until we reached the house. We were back home in less than half an hour, Levi called Hanji to tell her he wouldn’t be coming over at all and my ankle was throbbing under the cool compress as I lay on my bed and told Annie about my adventures.

I omitted the part where I’d kissed my father’s intern again and she was ecstatic to hear the love of her life was far from cheating on her – in fact, he was such a good person she would ring him up and surprise him with a date. I chatted with my best friend for nearly an hour, then we hung up and I decided to go downstairs and reward myself with a sandwich for a job well done, but Levi the mind-reader had beat me to the task. Two dishes full of triangular sandwiches sat on the marble counter, along with two cups – one with coffee and one with tea. And, of course, the handsome ebony-haired intern I didn’t think I’d ever deserve. My sandwich had no peppers. A crooked smile spoke of my gratitude instead of my vocal cords and I dug into my meal, thinking of my diet all the while. It was ironic that the one snack I couldn’t touch was sitting right next to me.

Repeat.

“You should’ve told me sooner,” I scolded over the phone, turned away from the guy sitting inside the restaurant waiting for me so I could argue with the asshole I’d come to tolerate outside. My eyes were glued to my ring and I tried to pick at it while waiting for Levi’s response.

“I’m not supposed to report to you, princess. It was just a suggestion.” His spiteful snort was audible and I could imagine his eyes glaring so vividly it was as if I’d seen it happen right in front of me. Shuffling of clothes was heard in the background as I pouted, visibly irritated with how bad he’d been at managing the simple piece of information he gave me now.

“Well, you should’ve made it sooner because I’m busy and won’t be back home before nine.” I was frowning and my lips were pursed in frustration when he flatly noted my shift wasn’t that long. A small question mark hung at the end of the statement ever so timidly and I nearly wheezed. “No, I’m… having dinner.” The pause gave it away. Levi was so good at reading me he immediately knew what I was trying to hide. The indifference with which he called out my lie wasn’t something I enjoyed.

“You should’ve just said you were on a date with Rivers. I’m not your boyfriend so I won’t get jealous.” I could imagine him scoff. I could imagine the downward curl of his lips. I could imagine him folding his clothes. I knew the discovery hadn’t affected him in any way. Maybe I was hoping for something, but (He’s not like that and we both know it.) asshole-me was good at making me feel bad about it, without even sounding catty. I gulped and I knew I had to get over myself. Levi wasn’t my slave or anything of the sort. Not my boyfriend either.

“I’m aware of that, asshole, but it’s not an actual date. Adam covered for me last Friday during our secret mission so I’m repaying him,” I explained casually, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger in thought. I glanced at the setting sun and the people on the street, ignoring the way my heart pounded like I was being chased by a wild animal.

“It’s been his biggest dream since he met you anyway. And since we’re leaving early tomorrow, I won’t wait up.” In other words – I had to avoid getting my hopes up. It wasn’t unexpected. I was nowhere near thinking he’d stay up to see me. I wouldn’t if I were him. “Have fun on your date,” he drawled flatly, not a hint of mockery present. He was too tired to make fun of me and I was too disappointed to tease him about it.

“Likewise. Keep count of the girls who hit on you,” I reminded before he hung up and I made my way inside the restaurant, taking my seat across from Adam, who browsed the menu with such glistening orbs it made me smile. It was nice to see somebody this excited, no matter the context. And when he asked whether that had been my scary friend, I nodded, mustering all the smiles and energy I had left after a tiring day at work. Adam deserved nothing less right now. “Yeah, he’s going on a vacation.” It gave him the green light to keep perusing the menu. He was so eager I would’ve thought he’d gone the day without eating. “Now order whatever you want. It’s my treat for your help on Friday.”

“Everything for you, seeing as you’re willing to do so much for a friend.” He put down the menu and closed it with a smile. His eyes dipped to my bare knees and my bandaged ankle before returning to my face. What I’d done was nothing compared to what Annie did for me, but it had gotten her spirits up, so maybe it was something. I returned it had been a cool secret mission and the waiter approached our table, took our orders and went away as Adam tilted his head curiously. “Did it fix everything?” Suddenly, I was mute. My heart felt like a therapy ball getting squished and the silver around my ring finger stung unpleasantly, sending a dreaded reminder to the surface of my mind. One I’d rather go without.

Levi could disappear. He could go back to his quiet hometown surrounded by pretty views by (Loire) that river he’d told me about many times I’d never put effort into remembering the name of. He could go back to his mother and little sister and be happy without us. Us? Yes, us – me, my parents and our house. The house I’d been very opposed to calling “his” at the beginning. His room would be empty tomorrow morning and it could stay like that if he so wished. He could leave and I’d have no say in it because I wasn’t part of the big picture for him. Just a temporary visitor – a smudge in the corner he’d barely notice. My smart mouth hadn’t earned me a bigger role. If I’d been a good person, would it have?

At the wave of uncertainty, a bright NOT EXACTLY sign blinked somewhere inside my mind in baby blue, but, as it had become known to all, my answer came out way different than that because I just looked Adam in the eyes with the biggest smile known to mankind and chirped a very confident “yes”, like the manipulative liar I was.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine #x reader #i love adding subplots like this lol #u kno to keep up the comedy #because other-fucking-wise this series wouldn't be so funny #LEVI IS AT IT AGAIN WITH THE CONSIDERATION #i know what we're all thinking #this chick doesn't deserve him #chillax #there are worse examples out there she need some happiness #also how good of a bff is she? honestly? minor breaches of actual fucking law to clear a simple misunderstanding #i stan my own queen #and levi for having a rebellious phrase that helped out which i won't be giving details on

[stilemawillow]

Heat Has Never Felt So Good [Levi | Cadet! Reader]

Silence - heavy, taut with tension like a guitar's string and gelid in the middle of the most scorching summer heat the generations had encountered - such silence was a bringer of dreaded rejection and shameful humility. Struggling to stay erect and stoic subsequently to the inappropriate suggestion you'd voiced a moment prior, you observed the desk before you with excessive fascination in spite of the painful brightness it reflected straight into your eyes. The cool air in the office hindered not the nervous beads of sweat in their journey along your temple and so they travelled, inexorably reminding you of the reason for their unwanted presence.

Your diffident gaze adroitly slid over to the figure sitting behind the desk you'd considered your saving grace mere seconds ago - the man with his slicked-back ebony hair whose natural response to the heat outside was nowhere to be seen. Levi was staring at you, silent and frowning, as his fingers soundlessly held the collar of his button-up shirt. The window behind his back was closed in order to preserve the room's blissful temperature but you could still hear the birds twittering outside, innocent chirps mashing with the anguished groans of cadets in the training field - cadets whose pained calls you were supposed to be apart of. Instead, you'd been summoned to the Lance Corporal's office, admonished for your poor performance following the coming of summer and prompted to offer a suitable explanation.

In truth, everybody's performance had been severely affected by the heat, but your case was exceptional because you were contending for a place on the Special Operation's Squad and such a show of inexplicable weakness was a big chink in the seemingly perfect armour of reliability and potential you'd created for yourself. Levi wouldn't make such a chink part of his squad and, despite having won his sympathies as a person, you had no way of softening the merciless nature of his role as your strict superior. So you'd tried to explain with as much dignity as possible that your disgraceful mistakes were a result of sleep deprivation, which, in turn, was caused by the terrible heat. Since early childhood, you'd shown signs of susceptibility to hot weather but this summer had evidently hit you harder than any other.

Levi had glared in a rather condescending way before questioning if your only problem was truly the lack of proper sleep, to which you'd nodded your head, recklessly adding that he had no way of relating to your experience since the stone walls of his office and personal quarters shared no similarities with the dorms' wooden edifice and its incapability to ward off the summer heat. Then, to his sarcastic question of 'what can be done about that?', you'd flippantly stated that a good sleep in a cold bed such as his would appear to be the perfect remedy - in fact, knowing he seldom slept in his quarters, maybe he could lend you them for the summer weeks to come.

And here lay the moment of truth, tugging at the painful silence and rushing it out of the closed window as you fearfully eyed the ebony-haired superior and his oddly slovenly appearance - his white cravat carelessly draped around his neck, the first three buttons of his shirt undone and its entirety untucked - the uncanny negligence made the orderly man look quite unlike himself. Maybe his attire had wrongly led to you believe his character would also bear a particular change for the better. His ashen hues glared but his furrowed brow briefly twitched as a reluctant sigh slipped past his pouting lips.

"... so be it. If sleeping in my bed will affect your skills positively I'll be escorting you back here after dinner this very evening." The cold voice left no place for objection, filling your whole body with heavenly alleviation and colourful butterflies, flapping their wings in exultation. You saluted, a dopey smile on your lips as your mind attempted to dispel the overwhelming feeling of complete and utter transfixion holding power over it.

"I hope you'll give me some time to collect my belongings beforehand." The tremulous timbre of your voice didn't go unnoticed by your superior, who was obviously set on presenting your wistful self with his point of view. Both, as was to be expected, differed greatly and while yours had been a plan of action borne of embarrassment meant to excuse your imminent appearance in his personal quarters, his had committed to the idea of your residence and taken the liberty of being as efficient and prompt as possible.

"There would be no need, I'll get them." The curt statement made your clenched fist flinch in startlement as the ebony-haired male gazed down at the papers on his desk after giving your wide eyes a good calculating look. "Dismissed. I'm certain the remainder of your training will be flawless, seeing as you've secured your good night's sleep." The latent derision holding hands with his stern command unfailingly managed to chip away at your armour additionally. Your brows furrowed in repressed defiance as the natural compliant response you had to speak struggled to come into being, making the male curiously glance at your hesitant countenance.

"... it will, sir." Shamefully dropping your gaze to the ground at your feet, you turned to the exit and frowned all the way to the training field, unaware of the involuntary sigh Levi's lips had delivered at the fading sound of your footsteps. Slender fingers coming to pinch the bridge of his nose, the Lance Corporal angrily berated his stupidity in a low voice full of disappointment as the image of your childish pout kept surfacing. The next five minutes he spent leaning back against his chair and muttering curses at himself, with the occasional fatigued sigh making an appearance. Once he concluded nothing inappropriate would come of your temporary stay in his quarters he resumed his work, spitefully clicking his tongue twice as often for the rest of the afternoon.

His hand prompted you to walk through the door with a gentle motion that made your lips purse in rigidity so inane it would've drawn laughter from a corpse. You looked at the interior of the superior's room with hardly masked zest, nightwear clenched by your fidgety fingers as Levi closed the door behind himself. A floorboard gave a moaning creak when you made a small step forth, making your brows knit in halting uncertainty as your shoulders tensed, intimidated by the big bed under the window you were to sleep in. It was strange, you could feel the trickling sweat down the back of your neck though you were well aware it wasn't there - a vaporous phantom that made goosebumps complain in their wake down the length of your arms.

"You won't receive an official invitation, (L/N)." The deep voice made your shoulders jump as the stoic male opened the wardrobe in the corner of the relatively empty room and took a simple cotton shirt and pants from its insides. You caught a glimpse of three separate shelves, each of which was stacked with clothes painted in different representatives of the colour spectrum - white, grey and black respectively. A pair of piercing ashen hues bore into your orbs before their owner snorted in mild amusement. "I'm taking a shower. You may use it as an opportunity to change and tuck yourself in since I'm not your mother and I don't plan on babying you."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." You forced out as calmly as was feasible, the tinge of guilt coming out raw and genuine. You heard the short male mutter something under his breath as his cold gaze scrutinized your diffident countenance, but he didn't address you directly and you did your best to not provoke him. The tips of your ears were left to burn in embarrassment when he closed the bathroom door with a small click and you silently marvelled at the plain furnishing of his personal quarters. It was like they belonged to everybody and nobody at the same time - the wooden floor was equipped only with the bare necessities: a bed, a wardrobe, a small chair tucked into the corner with a lit candle sitting on it and a shelf buckling under the weight of the thick books on top.

You glanced at the door of the adjoined bathroom when the shower started running, then your hasty fingers began struggling with your uniform straps. You changed into your nightwear - a comfortable short-sleeved shirt and a plain pair of shorts - and curiously stepped towards the frail bookshelf, ignoring the bed altogether though it was the biggest benefit you could draw from this situation. (E/c) hues fervently flickered from title to title, devouring the letters with utmost vehemence as your fingertips gently glided over the spine of the seemingly oldest book, feeling the dents of each character with longing. Your mind went back to the busy training routine that prevented the indulgence of your favourite hobby and you wondered when the Corporal had found time for these books.

"For once I hoped you wouldn't live up to my expectations." Your hand withdrew from the book like it had stung your fingertips when, in reality, the abrupt sound of the male's voice had been what truly pricked your senses. You swivelled, guiltily clasping your blameful hands behind your back. "I felt you might snoop around." Levi had showered and changed, but even the little droplets of water that dampened the towel draped around his neck couldn't disperse the shame nestled in the centre of your chest. "Go ahead and look, you'll hardly find anything of interest." The dismissive whisk of his hand, paired with the disinterested snort dripping past his lips made your brows furrow in uncertainty. You hadn't exactly gone looking through his underwear but the heat creeping up your neck told you touching the spine of that book had been a crime way worse.

"I'm really sorry, sir." Your muttered apology made his frown deepen as his orbs locked with yours, so acute you felt as if some part of you had gotten cut. The pang in your chest grew in intensity at the sight of his harsh glare but then he blinked, sighed and when his eyelids lifted the anger your naive apology had induced was gone. His grey hues dropped to the floor and you watched a stray water drop hesitantly trace the outline of his strong jaw prior to taking a leap once having reached his chin. He, in turn, watched it hit the wooden floorboard under his bare feet.

"Drop the formalities, (L/N). I feel like a predator when you call me 'sir' in my own bedroom." It wasn't a snarl per se but the self-directed indignation it contained was heard, though unspoken and left unaddressed. Levi left the room before you could respond and you breathed a sigh of relief upon detecting the shuffle of papers coming from his office. Your shoulders relaxed and your guilty stance gave way to a calmer pose but the pang in your chest remained heavy and stubborn.

You sat at the edge of his pristine bed and gave his last command a few minutes of deep thought. Calling him by his first name wasn't something you'd ever considered despite the fact you felt some misplaced affection for him, not only as your mentor but as a member of the opposite sex as well. Now you were going to be sleeping in his bed and having to use his first name because he clearly disapproved of his official title - your adolescent brain was sizzling with bad kinds of thoughts you weren't supposed to have about your superior.

As a result, you laid your head against his cool pillow with a red face and a twitchy conscience. Burning up and wishing you could pinch yourself awake from this surreal experience, you revelled in the pleasant scent enveloping your body. Your mind struggled to let go of the image of Levi's narrow eyes glaring at the floor in an unfathomable manner, so you tried to focus your thoughts on the distracting fragrance oozing from the cool pillowcase you'd subconsciously burrowed your nose into. You were sure you knew what it was but the exact piece of information had slipped past your store of knowledge and was currently dawdling uselessly around in your head. You drifted off to sleep and it came to you just as your brain had decided to pull the plug on your consciousness - lavender. It was lavender.

Your first night in the Corporal's bed didn't quite live up to its inappropriate label. The frowning male spent about five hours doing paperwork only to then doze off in his chair, where the irritating rays of the rising sun found him less than three hours later, frowning even in his sleep. Your eyes fluttered open when you heard him unlatch the window in his office with a creak and your body instinctively flinched in response to the unfamiliar surroundings your pupils observed in the golden sunlight. Then it came back to you in a hasty wave and your tense muscles gradually relaxed, allowing you to sit up and look out the window to your left with the disoriented gaze of a person who'd slept more than well. Yes, as you boasted later to your Corporal, a seven-hour slumber in his bed had been immensely refreshing, to the point you swore you'd show him even better results than you normally did during your training.

The doubt his features had shown in the beginning started to fade - with an inward tinge of pride at that - around the second week of your deal. Your dark circles made way for healthy patches of skin on day five, your tired waddle was gone by the first week and your previous glory came back by the thirteenth day - the tripping down the halls and during laps, the lousy job at cleaning, the slow manner of speech, the shortened attention span during lectures and the visibly worsened state of your reaction time and physical strength in close combat training were no more. The 3DMG exercises were the only presentable part of your resume that didn't suffer any drastic change due to its location under the shade of the trees past the sunlit training fields, but the gradual increase of productivity and stamina you went on to show put them in the same group as your lame mistakes.

Your poor social skills during missions and your inept way of always freezing in place when you thought you were going to deal critical damage to an opponent stayed, but Levi was determined to draw them into a corner and exterminate them - similarly to how a person squished a bug with his foot and looked at the sole of his shoe with abhorrence right after. As your mentor, he had graced the sole of his leather boot with such a look during the budding of springtime after he'd gotten rid of your annoying habit of recklessly storming into battle headfirst, overzealous and a tad bit conceited. Nowadays you occasionally allowed yourself a certain amount of arrogance but it was a controlled exertion of confidence which stopped eliciting anger from your peers, which, in turn, strengthened the trust and reliability you shared with them.

In this case, it took some time but soldiers slowly came to notice the odd change in your skills - something inevitable since they'd watched your abilities deflate until your performance put you in last place amongst every soldier in the building and now they bore witness to grace, strength and agility so unlike your miserable skills up until a week ago it was uncanny. Suspicion rose until it became overwhelmingly obvious, but nobody dared question your bizarre transformation. It contrasted the rest of the soldiers so brightly some superiors approached Levi in order to seek permission to recruit you for their own squads. In all six cases that took place, Humanity's Strongest Soldier would glare, snarl and prohibit it with such vigour it made four out of six Squad Leaders flinch.

"She's contending for a place on my squad," he'd almost growl in that cold voice of his, "so you can recruit her when I say she's unfit to be part of it, which, considering her performance, might not happen at all."

In a world where he hadn't already let you sleep in his bed, you'd probably faint upon hearing how vehemently he defended his position as your mentor and the spot in his squad you might just come to fill by the end of summer. But in this world - this blessed, albeit titan-infested, world - where you slept in his bed and saw him half-naked once every three days you forgot all about flaunting your skills and only focused on the thought of making him proud. Praise didn't matter so long as he kept scrutinizing you with that calculating gaze of his yet never uttered a single reprimand. It didn't matter in moments when he woke you for breakfast and accepted the tea you made for him in the evening with a grateful nod. No compliment in this world would equal the significance of the timid approval in his ashen hues each time you bashfully added his name at the end of a sentence. It wasn't praise you were chasing ever so desperately since your enlistment in the Corps - it was him.

A kind of meticulous routine came into being by the third week you spent in the comfort of the Lance Corporal's cool bed. Whoever woke up first - which mostly happened to be Levi - woke the other when it was time for breakfast. He had his morning shower and you changed into your uniform, then you swapped rooms and whilst he got dressed, you combed your hair and brushed your teeth (with the toothbrush he'd required you bring from your dorm). Each afternoon you showered after training (because he'd have you sleep on the floor if you weren't thoroughly cleaned), had dinner and crept up the staircase to the ebony-haired male's room, supplying every superior you bumped into with the same excuse of being called into the Corporal's office. Sometimes you went out of your way to make tea for him, which was something he was openly appreciative of - especially on nights he had more paperwork than usual.

You also came to establish several unspoken rules during your coexistence: cleanliness was above all for Levi and the moment you disrespected that you'd receive harsher treatment for the remainder of the day - the same, however, went for your personal space. Each rule was learned the hard way - with you running fifty laps for seemingly no reason when you left the bed unmade one morning and Levi coming dangerously close to getting roundhouse kicked into the wall when he walked out of the bathroom a bit earlier. A few others declared that you could get away with leaving the bed unmade if you delivered Levi's finished paperwork to the Commander before waking him up and that, by letting you read his books, Levi could spare himself some of your unprofessional humour the following day.

There were other little things too, but they weren't exactly rules - just periodical occurrences. On nights when the short male left the window open, you'd sneak into his office and drape a thin blanket over him so the cool night wind wouldn't make his muscles cramp. Some nights he spent in bed with you, lying on his back and struggling to keep his eyes closed as you calmed your erratic heartbeat and feigned sleep. Some evenings you indulged in conversing - the topics were both diverse and multitudinous, but the use of his name instead of his title remained constant. Quiet embarrassment painted the tips of your ears and the apples of your cheeks in hot red and you often caught Levi watching you during those moments with a gaze you were yet to decipher. There was something about it, in the candlelight, that made your heart clench - something he pretended not to have noticed himself, because it was too soft to be him, too improper to be allowed and too genuine to be overlooked.

Those few summer weeks, when you weren't busy pretending not to be dying of the heat outside, your thoughts were dedicated to becoming stronger so you could stay at Levi's side and your heart was overcome by an ecstatic feeling akin to that adolescent love you hadn't had the chance to experience prior to this moment. The earnest admiration that had rooted itself into your heart as a child grew a slim stem when you enlisted in the Corps, slowly morphing into the deep attachment of a determined student that would always follow their mentor. There were buds now and, despite having missed the season, they were blooming - how beautiful that feeling of love - inside your chest, blooming and screaming to be let out. You couldn't let them out. That flower - so aromatic, beautiful and pure - would be considered ugly by everybody else, ugly and improper. Maybe even by the very Corporal who'd seeded it.

At night you'd lay in his bed, tangled in the sheets and pressing your twitching face into his pillow. You'd toss and turn, chest constricting painfully at the thought of the frail flower and its untimely existence, and you'd think of your Corporal sleeping in his chair, imminent ache awaiting his muscles as he furrowed his brows at the nightmares and the memories that were by no means any less horrible. You'd think of him and your shut eyes would sometimes sting with unshed tears, then you'd force your thoughts elsewhere but the smell of lavender would keep them in place, desperate and scorching. And somewhere inbetween them, tangled and struck motionless, stood the image of the flower having bloomed in your chest - frail and small. A stalk of lavender.

"You're ogling." Levi's sharp statement made your shoulders jump in fright as you averted your gaze from his bare back with a pout. The earnest - albeit pouty - 'I'm sorry' that slipped past your lips into the still air clearly hindered the process of him getting dressed because the black shirt he'd picked hung from his slender fingers as he turned to look at you, sitting on the bed with one of his books on your lap. "You're not going to deny it?" The question drove your eyes away from his but you kept your face impassive, achieving success through months of trained experience and turmoil. Only the nervous flickering of your orbs betrayed the feeling of embarrassment that had crept into the crevices of your mind. Admittedly, your superior was far from being unattractive, but you wondered if he was aware of it. Even if he wasn't, giving him compliments would be considered inappropriate. Still---

"It's not like you're ugly, sir--- I mean, Levi." Your clumsy correction made his momentary glare fade but the unmistakable sensation of his hues on you remained, austere and anticipant. You glanced up, hastily avoiding the sight of his abdomen and chest to deter the heat from spreading through your body before it reached your face. "Also, I was looking at the marks, nothing else." The brownish bruises adorning his torso, sitting where his uniform straps usually did, gave the impression of something painful - maybe something you wouldn't be able to handle daily. Levi made a few steps forward until he was standing in front of you and you were struggling to sustain eye contact with his cold ashen hues.

"They're just permanent discolouration of the skin. Pity is unneeded." He'd seen it on your face, maybe in the furrow of your brow or the flare of your nostrils or the unintended curl of your fingers, he'd witnessed the sad admiration and he'd called it pity because giving it another name would lead to questions you wouldn't want to answer. You didn't dare dip your head or do as much as nod in understanding, but something had changed in your orbs; something that made Levi snort in mild exasperation. "They don't even hurt." He declared in a cold voice as you blinked, youthful forehead crinkling with doubt and scepticism. "Do you wish to confirm it?"

The fleeting confusion that clouded your uncertain gaze at the inquiry was all Levi needed to see in order to take advantage of the moment and act. His fingers grabbed your hand and lifted it to his chest, quickly coming to sense the alerted tense of your muscles - similar to the involuntary flinch of a person touching something he'd been prohibited from ever coming in contact with. Too shocked to offer resistance, you felt your palm rest over his skin and your mind devoted all coherent thoughts it could produce to the smoothness of it paired with the firmness of the muscle underneath and, of course, panic. Your engines were going into overdrive but once they short-circuited you felt calm enchantment grasp your senses, guiding your fingers up and down the bruises so you could trace their outlines and feel the diminutive dent of his skin.

"How many years did it take for them to form?" Your head tilted to the side as Levi relinquished his grasp on your wrist, letting your fingertips roam with odd composure. You were wholly enthralled by the feeling of it - this closeness - intimate and unplanned. The scent of lavender his body exuded and the lilac colour mingling with the brown - a bruise that would never heal. The male's reaction to your touches was absent on the surface, but your fingertips graced his skin with such light tenderness he found the contact alien. Having been deprived of gentleness his whole adult life, Levi thought the ginger movement of your dainty fingers strange, but not repulsive.

"About three." The low husk of his voice was something neither of you seemed to acknowledge, too hypnotised to process a detail of such subtlety. Gentle grew into compassionate, fear obtained courage - and the wholeness of your palm caressed Levi's chest, up to his collarbone. Your gaze was still hazy when you craned your neck to look at his hues - and when you did they hit you as oddly soft, a muted graphite having lost its conscious glimmer in the dim candlelight. Taken aback by the peculiar change in your superior's eyes, you felt your hand pause in its journey over his pale skin, just having arrived at the crook of his neck in its daring spontaneity.

"Most cadets surely don't live enough to get them." His skin was burning hot under your oversensitive fingers. Hot and damp from the shower he'd taken. Maybe the dampness was what quelled your advance and broke the spell. Or maybe it was the smell of lavender - reassuring and painful - that told you this was too good to have been happening. It might've been the strange grey as well - such an ugly hue, lacking brightness and resolve, lacking gelidity and austerity, lacking everything you'd fallen for. It was the same hue that kept your hand in place only so it could sear it seconds later, so abruptly you felt pain when there was no source.

"Make sure you're part of the minority then." You couldn't stop thinking of how you disliked the unreadable look in his eyes and the one yours were very eager to reciprocate despite not knowing of the exact meaning it bore. For a very small second you could hear him telling you to survive so you could be with him, live and anticipate the moment when he would finally profess his feelings for you, wait and strive for strength and approval until the flower in your chest made its violet blossoms choke you to death - far from the noble demise every soldier looked up to. One moment you heard all that and the next it was nothing - just the muted hue of his orbs and the scorching feeling of his skin. And the words were a rueful phantasm that left your eyes wide and your lips pursed.

"With my performance, I don't think I'll have a problem." Your hand was at once withdrawn, so sharply it made him blink in mild surprise and the relentless glare returned to its rightful place - glimmering with intelligence and something else, something perturbed by the shameful predecessor of its existence. Your Corporal was back and though your mind leapt with jubilation there was a little part of your heart that was a smidge too discontented to witness the detached frown weaving its way back unto his handsome features. He made a step back. Then another one. His ebony locks swayed as he turned his back to the bed and approached the door, latent disgruntlement hidden along the edges of his clenched jaw.

"Just don't get too cocky. You're still a brat." His steps were heavy but his firm voice was a tad bit lighter. His hand settled on the doorknob when he remembered he was still shirtless. Quick to fix that, Levi snorted with condescension before scratching the side of his neck which you immediately recognised as the exact spot your hand had been touching mere moments ago. Your brows furrowed when the door slammed shut after him, leaving you solitary and bewildered - an emotion that had less to do with his out-of-character moment of mellow approachability and more with the perplexing contrast between his words and actions.

For the next two hours neither of you slept and while he sat at his desk - stiff shoulders, furrowed eyebrows and angrily protruded bottom lip - writing and trying his best not to think or make inward inquiries that would be vouchsafed no answer, you lay on the bed - tangled thoughts, clenched heart and sad eyes - with the book in your hands and the question 'why am I sleeping in your bed then?' echoing inside your head. And, much like how your problem was not graced with a solution, his own compulsive list of questions received no satisfactory reply. It didn't make sense - not one fragment of it all - but, as both of you were yet to learn and acknowledge, nothing did when one was under the influence of love.

Some mornings were familiar, natural and lacking in discomfiture. Normally, you woke up, got dressed and went your way, with Levi not sparing you an additional glance, but the longer you stayed, the warmer the candle on top of the chair in the corner felt and the mornings after - all the fresher. In those moments you looked at the sky with new eyes - a bright pair that saw an oddly clear future. Nothing weighted your heart down and your shoulders were never slouched, the flower in your chest was singing. Levi, too, appeared a tad bit softer. He would make a calm entrance with a resting pair of brows and a sharp gaze, and sometimes a cup of steaming coffee would be clutched by his pale fingers.

"You're such a goddamn nuisance." The ebony-haired male had already put on his uniform. You'd slept through his morning shower and the distinct smell of fresh caffeine had made your lids lift some minutes later. He was crouching by the bed and the bored expression sitting on his face failed to convey the exasperation his words had been so desperate to voice. You took the cup from his hand with a grateful smile, a smidge too lopsided to be described as beautiful. With ice rimming his grey hues, the male gave you a warning look and you took a sip from the beverage with a contented sigh.

"Thank you, Levi." You observed the nonchalant pout of his lips when he stood up and turned the other way, just in time to miss the endearing adoration in your orbs as they gazed up at his noble profile. An inaudible sigh escaped your lungs while your superior busied himself with his uniform straps, reminding you of the brownish bruises clinging to his torso under the white shirt he wore. That, in turn, called forth the date you'd seen yesterday in the callendar you had in your room. Autumn was coming, as the first week of September dictated, and with it - the end of your deal with Levi. Your flawless performance no longer required the comfort of his cold bed, which made a prolonged stay in his room pointless and negated the improvement in your relationship. Back to square one, as your peers would say.

"I'm supervising today's training session so we leave in twenty." His imperative voice brought you back to reality, where he was standing by the wardrobe with folded arms and a harsh frown and you were still in bed, enveloped by the enticing smell of coffee and lavender. You sat up with a small snort and nodded your head obediently, warm fingers locked around the cup in their hold. The air of responsibility and promise you wore did nothing to soften your superior's sharp features or melt the pungent shimmer of his hue as he scrutinised the tangled mess your bed hair was.

"Roger that." You saw his eyes narrow in mild suspicion when your gaze averted from the coffee you were holding but there was no spite along the crease between his drawn brows so you concluded you hadn't gotten in trouble with your carefree response; it was so unlike the salute you would always perform at the beginning of your acquaintanceship with the cold ebony-haired male it made your heart clench in bashful shame and guilty delight at the same time. Was this the beginning of an actual friendship or just a strange exception in your superior-subordinate relationship? Such a baffling concept - to befriend the man you felt so much for.

"Get that shitty smile off your face unless you wish to be running laps in the sun." The abrupt appearance of Levi's biting tone brought awareness to your senses, making you realise your facial muscles had adapted themselves to a joyous grin - genuine and peculiar in the eyes of a person who saw no reason whatsoever behind its existence. You let out a weak chuckle and nodded your head once more, to which he clicked his tongue in visible dissatisfaction prior to fleeing the room in order to focus on the little paperwork he hadn't finished the previous night.

You sat on his bed some more, taking small sips from the coffee he'd brought you and struggling to bite back a smile. Two cubes of sugar and no milk - just how you liked it. You never told him that was how you liked it, though. Unable to dismiss the warm voice of the aromatic flower caressing the insides of your ribcage, you didn't think much of the man's earlier vexation and thus missed how its cause wasn't your unjustified happiness but the concerning reaction it evoked in him. Glimmering hues matching your own, Levi stared at the blank sheet of paper he was yet to touch and the only thing he could feel but couldn't comprehend was the worrying beat of his heart. Too young for problematic palpitations and too old for love - that was what Levi thought of himself - but the image of your smile refused to leave him until the very moment you had to leave for your training session.

The same night you were having a hard time falling asleep. Stripes of lightning stained the indigo night sky, creating a contrast that made it seem jet black and eerie. Thunder sounded in the distance, shaking the wet ground and pushing you from one side of the bed to the other with its deafening roar. Big raindrops fell from the endless abyss, splattering closed windows and steady buildings, wetting stone, soil and grass, and singing a chaotic tune that made your body instinctively pull on the thin blankets Levi had supplied you with. Storms had never been your thing but you hardly considered them scary. The weather was clearly undergoing a change for the worse this year, so the conclusion of rain and snow exceeding their expected amount wasn't exactly hard to reach.

You groaned in exasperation when another lightning struck the forest behind the training fields and its echo reached your ears some moments later. You rose from the bed and stared out the window before deciding a glass of water would suffice to distract your fidgety thoughts. You carefully opened the door leading to Levi's office, all the while labouring under the delusion he was sleeping soundly in his chair, too tired to stay awake in spite of the discomfort. Your assumption couldn't have been more wrong. The moment you stepped foot in the office his aquiline gaze found your face and pinned you in place as you closed the door behind yourself, finding it too late to turn back once having been spotted.

"It's late. Why aren't you sleeping?" A cold question and an even more gelid frown to go with it. You shivered, moving to his desk in your nightwear and glancing at the window behind his back before meeting his eyes in the dim candlelight. His ebony locks were slicked back and messy, and his tired expression bore a pair of heavy lids shadowed by intimidating brows. He lacked the energy to scold you for being awake and you knew it. Judging by the unbuttoned shirt hanging from his shoulders and the shocking eyebags clinging to his pallid skin he wasn't in any condition to even think of it as something troublesome. You were well aware he could kick you to the curb no matter how exhausted but that didn't stop you from gaining a diminutive amount of confidence for the time being.

"The rain woke me up and I couldn't fall asleep after that." Your voice sounded small and weak in comparison to the unsynchronised dance of the raindrops against the glass window, but Levi felt no need to command you to speak louder. He liked the timid sound of the tone you used as it was. "Hindering your work process too?" Your curious inquiry led his calculating gaze away from the window in the direction of your drowsy figure as it leaned against the edge of his desk, ponderous and far from graceful in its unsettled condition. You wouldn't consider in a thousand years that Levi would have found you pretty at that moment, with your droopy eyes and dishevelled tresses, and the big shirt slipping off your bare shoulder as your capable hands awkwardly scratched at the back of your head.

"The weather's gone batshit crazy." Was his only retort, drained of both amusement and wit - a noticeable absence which just went to show he was way past the point of joking as well. You nodded your head whilst facing the window and contemplating this year's unpredictable seasonal weather: early bloom of flowers and trees in the spring, blistering summer temperatures and now daily bouts of torrential rain when September's second week hadn't even commenced. Winter would be a dreaded season - ice and blizzards all the way, as far as your imagination went anyway. The white visions of the cold made your brows furrow as you stumbled upon an impending problem of bigger vicissitude that was more deserving of your apprehension.

"Agreed. On the topic, I should probably gather my stuff in the morning." Levi raised a quizzical brow that made your gaze stray back to the window. This was the fourth night you spent in his bed after the coming of rains and lower temperatures. Everybody sensed the weather's scarcely subtle change but you and your mentor were extremely adamant to keep up an oblivious act. At this point, you could take advantage of his reluctance and continue using his bed for the remainder of the year, but that was a line of indecency you weren't willing to cross. "With the autumn rains coming, I think my stay has expired." You explained meekly, dismissing the glare at your temple as a messenger of surprise. Giving simple looks bigger meanings than the ones they possessed was an unhealthy habit you had to rid yourself of.

"Winters are colder here anyways." He responded with an approving hum, making you steal a glimpse of his profile when he turned in his chair to observe the raindrops hitting the window. So immensely handsome, even when overwhelmed by extreme fatigue, as dictated by the curve at the tip of his nose, the outline of his thin lips, the austere beauty of his frown and the sharp edge of his clenched jaw. There was something about the shadow falling over his bloodshot eyes that made their shimmer times brighter and more piercing. It was profusely childish of you to get distracted by such things, but inevitable nonetheless.

"Thank you for humouring me, Levi." Sentences such as “do you want to sleep in my bed then?”, “wood is better at preserving warmth than stone” and “I'd be a fool not to return the favour” lifted their tempting heads at you, expectant gazes awaiting your choice. But you wouldn't make it, mostly because you knew the Corporal would shoot you down, offering immediate refusal in the form of a pointed glare or a stern “no”. So you settled for simply voicing your gratitude, seeing as it was something he would have little reason to glare at you for.

"The least I can do for the newest addition to my squad." Deep voice, cold eyes, nonchalant huff - adjectives you were incapable of matching to their suitable nouns due to the shock that struck your body, abrupt and piercing like a blade. Levi gifted your gaping mouth and uncomprehending hues a brief amused glance. You could swear his lips twitched in restrained mirth - a twitch that would've taken the form of a genuine chuckle had the ebony-haired male been less sombre and strict. "Don't swallow your tongue now. I haven't given the final form to Erwin yet. I was filling it out tonight." It took you some time to negate the bemusement his statement had caused but the result left your body light and your mind full of euphoria.

"So you'll call me 'cadet' from tomorrow onwards?" The crestfallen words were spoken curiously as your chest swelled with gelid pride and warm misplaced disappointment, and you distinctly felt the drop of your stomach when your superior gave a curt nod after a moment of contemplation. "And I go back to addressing you as 'sir'." The flat statement could hardly be labelled a question but its confirmation arrived nevertheless, making a small pang pull at your heart. "That's surprisingly disappointing when I just got used to calling you 'Levi' without flushing in embarrassment." The weirdly unabashed admittance made your Corporal's features contort in mild confusion and you could almost see his lips mouth the word “embarrassment?” as his calculating orbs inspected your countenance for any traces of said emotion. "It's hard to get used to the idea my hero lets me use his first name like I'm not just a child looking at him in the street."

Your bashful explanation - accompanied by a pair of tense shoulders and a nervous flickering gaze - made the male's wan features contort in an abrasive scowl as he turned to face you instead of the window. His lips were pursed so tightly they painted a straight line across the lower half of his visage and his stormy hues shone with additional spite upon locking with yours. Then his voice came out, biting and imperious: "Your hero is too idealised to be worthy of actual worship." The animosity and reproach it held, you realised, were things directed at himself he couldn't help but let slip past the chinks in his own armour. Your tense shoulders slouched as you smiled - more so at this part of him he was unintentionally letting you see than him.

"He's not. He's a flawed middle-aged man with a lot of duties who is often tired. His temper's bad but he's patient when he needs to be. What he lacks he makes up for, with no exceptions. That's what I like about him." Your confession, smooth and steady, lacked the usual shyness with which you often took it upon yourself to talk. The drumming of the rain was a rhythmic background you couldn't rid yourselves of, but neither seemed to mind. All it took was a glance - Levi's silver hues searching for yours in dubious surprise - and your halting resolve to be confident crumbled completely. "I've said too much, I apologise if it made you feel uncomfortable, sir." Downcast gaze, sucked in breath and a lavender stalk tickling the back of your throat. You never saw the man's pallid features adopt a borderline embarrassed expression, nor did you bear witness to the doubtful glances he sent around the room, little messengers to ask all inanimate objects the office contained if he was in his right mind, thinking the things he dared come up with.

"Reverting to that shitty title. Why don't you prove you've learned how to use my fucking name, (L/N)?" He snarled, annoyance slipping through the wall of composure he tried to build. Your shoulders shrunk a size but you didn't distance yourself from him or the desk, you didn't have the heart to do it - not when you felt this warm and this tense, this pleasantly embarrassed. “Keep calling my name,” his enchanting orbs whispered imploringly, and you would try adhering to the command though it was not real. "Mute when speech is required. And red to top it off. Have I embarrassed you?" The redness creeping at the base of your neck and the tips of your ears spread further upwards, tinting the apples of your cheeks crimson and making your pouting lips part in mild defiance.

"A little." The humble admittance made Levi snort as you leaned back against his desk - something he would never allow under normal circumstances - vouchsafing his cold eyes a look of mild suspicion that made his thin eyebrow raise challengingly. Your lips pouted in annoyance, glare almost as half-hearted as his when he reprimanded you during training. "Are you by any chance having fun by doing it?" The flow of your blood circulation was still heavily focused on the sides of your face but that didn't stop you from attempting to intimidate your Corporal, who seemed, besides extremely unimpressed, quite amused by the peculiar show of confidence on your side.

"I don't know. You tell me. Would I let anybody sleep in my bed if I couldn't benefit from it?" There was something - something twinkling - in his orb that drowned out its grey colour and the relatively big size of its pupil. It was something that prevented you from noticing his hue was grey contrary to silver and that his eyes had come to narrow in that way you'd seen some weeks ago during your ogling. It was something pretty - almost mischievous - and it attracted you with its simplistic beauty to the point you couldn't think of anything but the man possessing it. Prosaic as it was, the waxen colour of his complexion was made to look extraordinarily healthy and his tired visage's wan features suddenly seemed handsome and uplifted, the lilac crescents disappeared from their shallow nests and, for a single second, he officially became the one man on this world you had eyes for.

"Despicable," you muttered, overcome by the irrational hypnotising urge to reach out and touch the pale temple at his side with its little throbbing blue vein - a result of all the stress and fatigue. Was that because he'd been filling out forms to finalise your transfer to his squad? Was it because he'd been writing reviews about your performance that justified his choice? Was that terrible expression on his face because of you? Your fingers clutched the edge of the desk until your knuckles turned white - a subconscious reaction the ebony-haired male's observant hues immediately pinpointed. It took him very little to understand a nasty thought had wormed its way into your mind but it would have never occurred to him that it concerned him directly, much less his well-being.

"Make sure you're faultless before judging. The fact I pointed out your ogling only once doesn't mean I didn't notice the rest." Determined to distract you from your worries, Levi opted for the one option he knew would undeniably reap success - embarrassment. His mocking words made crimson blossom over your cheeks and erased the dutiful air of responsibility and morbidity your features often held when not busy portraying another emotion. Levi forced his eyes away from the endearing sight with a scoff, once more telling himself he was too old for this - for you. "Go back to bed now, (L/N). You've entertained me enough for one night." The dismissive whisk of his pale hand prompted your gaze upwards and away from the floor you'd admired ever so fervently a moment ago. Uncertainty gathered in the crease between your brows and your heart clenched as you pushed yourself off his desk, the lavender stalk reaching up to chase the air from your throat and hinder your speech.

"Could I ask you to join me when you finish here?" Insecure and small, close to a bluish colour in the dim lighting and muffled by the loud drumming of the rain, the question hung from the ceiling in the cool air, swaying from side to side in an attempt to attract Levi's attention. The male's lips visibly pursed as he glared at the papers on his desk, eyes not daring to look at you. Mirroring the action, you anticipated his answer with a pleading furrow of your brows, contrary to his displeased one. There was silence - heavy, taut like a guitar's string and burning amidst the first of many gelid nights to come - a silence that was a bringer of feared refusal and shamefully crushed hopes. There would be no miracles this time because your ludicrous inquiry crossed a line neither of you had dared confront prior to this moment.

"No." Strident, succinct and stoic - a proud genuine response that wouldn't push the boundaries of your future active superior-subordinate relationship and thus hinder communication or teamwork. Feelings and intimacy weren't a good mix when you wouldn't be anything more than a mere cadet to him as of the following morning, much less when expressed vocally. And you seemed to be doing that a lot tonight. You fled the office with a despondent nod and not another word, softly closing the door behind yourself. Moping because of a reaction you knew you'd receive was useless, so you ignored the tears gathering in the crevices of your ribcage and lay on the big bed, tucking yourself into the corner by the wall under the window so the rain could block all unwanted notions.

You didn't know how long you lay there, clutching the covers and pressing your knees against the cold stone, but at one point the salty taste of tears you couldn't feel yourself shedding wet your lips and you snorted, engulfed in the dim light of the murky moonbeams and the disappointment clinging to your heavy bones. At the window frame stood the shards of your shattered hope, assembled as to beautifully shine and reflect the glistening raindrops gliding down the glass window. Levi's pillow lay on the opposite side of the bed as you pressed your forehead against the wall, desperate to escape the scent of lavender and the thoughts of its owner it would trigger. Slowly drifting off, you didn't hear the soft click of the door, nor the quiet footsteps coming to a stop at the bedside.

No matter how inconveniently unfortunate your situation, you dreamed of nice things - such as the ones you couldn't have in reality. You dreamed of a training session in the sun, a small word of praise and a tight hug in the shade of a nearby tree, bathing your being in lavender and making your knees give out in alleviation. You pictured a gentle but desperate embrace, and though you knew no words of affection would exit Levi's lips, you heard the echo of his thoughts, telling you he didn't want to let you go. Images of your hands clutching his body for support appeared in your mind, followed by a moment of serene mutual understanding. You both knew this was wrong. But there was no “but” glued to the last word. There was a period instead - a hopeful little end that would allow no further arguments on the topic.

In your dreamland, Levi's fingers were confident as they cupped your face whereas yours were shaking in unbelieving elation on his shoulders. In your dreamland, Levi's hues were silver and glimmering with a burning resolve, a goal in mind. In reality, when the mattress shrunk under his weight you didn't feel the insecure touch of his fingertips caressing your cheek to wipe the tear stains, nor did you connect the smell of lavender coming off his body to anything real. And when he cleared the messy tresses from your face and wrapped his arms around your shivering form you felt the confident embrace of a self-assured man who knew exactly what his feelings for you meant. In your dreams Levi was never insecure, never uncertain, never indecisive - those traits had not once represented him in your eyes. How would you feel knowing they had formed a ball at the back of his throat as he buried his nose in your hair, trying not to choke or recoil in self-contempt because of what he was doing?

That question, much like many others, would be gifted no tangible answer. All you knew, for the time being, was that the malnourished flower in your chest kept singing amidst your misery and would keep blooming until its aromatic petals fell from your lips or its stalk wrapped around your beating heart and crushed it. The next morning you awoke bright and robust, distancing yourself from melancholic notions that would only serve as a distraction. You sat up, noticing the figure sitting at the edge of the bed when it entered your line of sight. The air was heavy with the smell of lavender and fresh coffee, and the sky was an optimistic baby blue. Levi, having sensed your movement, turned to hand you your drink. You took it with a grateful nod and a shy smile, failing to notice the affectionate glimmer in his hues as he watched your visage.

The ebony-haired male didn't speak - not of your recruitment, not of the imminent training you'd face, not of the end of your stay and not of last night's conversation. You sat there, watching the bed hair he never had after sleeping in his chair and the creases over the sheets you'd hardly touched, and your tongue was made of lead but your heart felt light. Your lips pursed as you bit back a smile and sipped your coffee, hiding your conflicted endearment behind the china's thick rim. Levi was, of course, already quite aware of it, but had no intention of shattering your delusions on the topic of his oblivion. So he turned and sat across from you on the bed, drinking the tea he'd gotten for himself from the kitchen and not forgetting to omit the fact he'd slept in for the first time in his adult life. Past the closed window behind your back, the twittering of birds mashed with the faint voices of your comrades having breakfast in the mess hall - faint voices yours was supposed to be a part of.

Skipping breakfast was Levi's last gift to you for the time being - a few peaceful minutes filled with comforting silence and a strange sense of mutual understanding. There were no passionate hugs or declarations of undying love. There was the lingering scent of coffee and black tea, and two pairs of glimmering hues locked on each other as the owners hid their quiet content behind cups' rims and fidgety hands, equally satisfied to have indulged in their selfish urges and unravelled that summer heat had come to reveal itself as the least of their problems. If nothing else, it might've subjected you to a big amount of torture but it also gave you the opportunity to feel closer to Levi and the chance to get to know him before things between you turned professional. Heat had given each of you an opening - you to accept your love and Levi to fall victim to it - so it was a pity neither of you thought of thanking it.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman fanfiction #snk x reader #reader insert #if you didn't know already i love building up the feelings and not exploring them inside the frame of a romantic relationship #so yet another open ending for you #i do be very interested in the emotional dynamics #should've studied behavioural sciences or psychology lol #levi is too soft and too in denial as usual #reader here is just a bit melodramatic #but that's the whole point so my metaphors can be employed lol #hope you enjoy