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autball · 1 day

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Part 4 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Sensory sensitivities are a huge part of being autistic (and sometimes ADHD, too). They can range from kind of annoying but manageable to debilitating and meltdown-inducing. They can fluctuate from day to day and situation to situation. They can seem to pop up one day out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.

Sensory differences are dynamic, which can make them unpredictable and disruptive. Not many people want to live that way, so working on sensory desensitization with someone who has a lot of sensitivities sounds like a thing that could help. Fewer meltdowns and able to do more things? Yes please!

But as you might have guessed, there’s a giant problem with that: reducing sensitivity isn’t really a thing you can do TO someone. At least, not without inducing a trauma response or two. You can certainly get someone to learn to ignore their own body signals or pretend to be fine when they’re not, but that’s not a sensory thing. That’s a dissociation thing.

“Sensory desensitization” is usually code for exposure therapy. Exposure therapy has its uses, but addressing legitimate sensory issues isn’t one of them. And it should only be done WITH someone who can fully consent and actively participate. Coercing and/or forcing someone to interact with distressing sensory input until they stop reacting is not that.

“Sensory desensitization” also operates under the assumption that people just get used to, or habituate to, the noises and sensations around them, even ones that bother them. But studies have shown that autistic people actually don’t habituate to sensory stimuli the way non-autistic people do. It may take way longer to happen, or it may never happen at all.

You know what can and does happen? Sensory sensitivities can just kinda…change. All on their own. We grow up, our hormones change, our stress levels change, our environments change, and our sensory profiles are affected by all of those things (and more!). Sensitivities can just disappear, naturally, without any intervention. And that’s about the only thing I’d ever refer to as real sensory desensitization.

But sensory sensitivities can go any which way. Maybe new ones rear their ugly heads. Or maybe something bothers us at a level 7 one day and 2 the next, then goes all the way up to 11 next week. And then there are the ones that just stay pretty much the same, all the time, forever.

I could not handle pants for a long time as a kid, but then somewhere along the way, I could. I really couldn’t tell you when it happened. There are some foods that used to make me gag that no longer do, and there are some that I still just cannot handle. I have never been okay with things that stick to my hands, and that really hasn't changed since as far back as I can remember.

You know what all these sensory sensitivities have in common? Someone made me “tolerate” them at some point, often repeatedly. And none of them changed (or didn’t) because of repeated exposure, but because of my natural development. All I got from forced exposure was this lousy tendency to disconnect from myself.

Sensory desensitization is just not a thing we should be trying to do to people. Sensory *integration* is a real thing that can help people, but that is a whole different animal that requires more than just exposing people to stuff that bothers them. You’ll need an OT (Occupational Therapist) with the specialized training for that. Just make sure they’re not sneaking behaviorism tactics or exposure therapy in there either (yep, the words “sensory integration” can be used to misrepresent what they’re doing, too).

It is a far better thing to help someone learn about their own sensory profile and how to manage their sensory needs than to make them ignore their own body signals. Alexithymia is not #goals.

#actually autistic #autistic #autism #adhd #audhd #sensory processing differences #sensory processing disorder

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falling-star-cygnus · 2 days

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things i've noticed about HSR characters bc character design is my obsession

part two: 🎼Save a horse🎵 Ride a Cowboy🎶 ✨Boothill✨

who should i do next :D

his bullet earring and cartilage piercings [the bullet as a red chain link coming down from the hoop, kinda like when it first gets shot] -> also- if you zoom on his face too long he glares at you

it doesn't matter what direction you tilt his head, you cannot see his right eye clearly, this is the closest i got -> obviously this line was him joking about the cause of him being a cyborg, but i think he genuinely lost his right eye too. also- he's an optimist??

he's got air vents on his neck!!

Boothill's medals glow when you get victory stacks :D -> also they jingle every time you use his attack!! and look at his spurs!!

he's got a port on his left hand, to match the one on his back, but not his right. [are they connected? what does the one on his hand connect to?] -> i wonder if he can put bullets through the one on his hand and store them for later

his original name meant loaded gun, so that's pretty cool -> and pretty dark considering he was literally turned into a living weapon ['as always, he and his partners turned to guerrilla warfare 😃' has the same energy as 'so anyway, then i cursed her 😊.']

man's hips are OUT

anyway-

his hair is interesting to me. is it natural? his sixth eidolon has the interesting mix of black and white that it does currently, even though that's him as a human

wouldn't be cool if it was Marie Antoinette Syndrome? -> it can be caused by extreme stress and trauma to the body//mind, which you can't deny Boothill went through -> but it can also be caused by Alopecia Areata, which is a rare autoimmune disease that causes your cells to attack each other and target the pigment and structure of hair follicles [altho alopecia usually results in hair loss]

could the loss of his body, paired with how he was found as a baby, cause the discoloration of his hair?

also the leaves in his eidolon are most likely that of a tulip trees, which are symbols of freedom, liberty, and free speech [which he unfortunately does not have] -> Native Americans would often use the inner bark of these trees for medicinal purposes too!

they can also just be decaying leaves, representing the deteriorating state of his body

HC for the road: Argenti is the only one he’s let see his missing eye. He fully intended to try and scare the Knight of Beauty off, try to force him to admit that his body wasn’t all he praised it to be, but instead Argenti just cupped his face and repeated his praises

#RAHHH I LOVE CHARACTER DESIGN #who do y'all want to see next?#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr boothill #boothill #character analysis #the ramblings of a fallen star #hsr headcanons #hsr analysis #floriography #argenthill

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auteurdelabre · 8 hours

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VAMPIRE ROOMMATE - PART I: DRAINED - Max!Philips x f!reader

Words: 2.0k

Rating: M for future chapters

a/n: Your girl was a Dracula loving doofus in highschool alrite?! So enjoy this campy little mini-series I made starring everyone's favorite douchebag vampire, Max Philips. See if you can spot all the Dracula Easter eggs!

I thank @intheorangebedroom for getting me to finish the first chapter. Love you hon! 🧡

dividers by the impossibly talented @saradika-graphics

P A R T I : D R A I N E D

The Demeter is crowded, as it always is on a Thursday during happy hour. Drunken idiots bump into you, spilling beer onto your shoes and across the ancient pub floor but you don't even notice, you just make a beeline for the booth near the back where two young women sit, smiling at your approach.

"I cannot afford this fucking city."

You moan this loudly, throwing your purse into the booth your co-workers have snagged before slumping next to a bemused looking Lucy. She tilts back, curving her full mouth into a smirk as she watches your face scrunch.

"Nice to see you too."

"This city sucks the life from you," you go on, ignoring her amusement. "Drains you!"

Your two co-workers (and let's face it, only friends since you moved to this city for this job) give you gentle pats on the shoulder as you groan.

The three of you are the youngest staff at Seward Plastic Surgery. You'd started around the same time and banded together to face the stress of working at the office amongst high end clientele, hostile co-workers and a bustling schedule.

The three of you had all been running away from something. Mina: her oppressive religious parents back in Utah, Lucy: her obsessive ex fiance back in Sacramento and you-

Well, you'd rather not think about it right now.

"I take it the roommate search isn't going well?" Lucy asks, half distracted by her phone. You see she's swiping through some Tindr matches.

Being that she's a goddess with flowing red hair and the best body you've ever seen, she's won't have trouble finding a date. You've already clocked three guys in the nearby vicinity who can't keep their eyes off of her.

"This latest girl asked if it was cool if she brought her four ferrets with her. Four." You throw up your hands in disbelief. "And the one before that asked if it was cool if she did some filming in the apartment."

Mina tilts her head to the side. "What kind of filming?"

"For her Only Fans." You shoot them a glare when your friends giggle behind their hands.

"She said if I wanted to join in she'd split the profits with me."

At this Mina and Lucy break out into loud laughter, even managing to draw a small smirk from you before you feel that same familiar desperation clawing at you.

You fold your arms on the table, letting your head fall into the crook of your elbow.

"It's humiliating you guys," you mutter, "I can't believe I'm thirty and looking for a fucking roommate. And that there's no one normal in the entirety of New York!"

You make decent money, but New York is just... So expensive. And big and stressful. It's supposed to be the land of opportunity but all its afforded you is a shitty apartment that you can't furnish and roommates that never stick around.

"Hey, don't get like that," Mina says with a gentle hand over yours. "You'll find someone soon."

Mina is always gentle and kind and annoyingly optimistic. It's why she does the customer service stuff at the office, because no one can look at her big dark blue eyes and get angry.

"Hey, my favorite customers."

Mina and Lucy smile up at the handsome young man who approaches the table, his eyes on Mina lingering a moment longer than the rest.

"Hi Johnny," Lucy coos coquettishly. You don't miss how she leans forward to show off her considerable assets in her dress, but Johnny is oblivious.

"Hi Mina," he offers gently.

"Hi," Mina replies, a light blush to her cheeks. She gives a shy glance up at Johnny.

"We need alcohol," you moan from where your head rests in your arms on the table. "Lots of it!"

"Day going that well, huh?" Johnny laughs, sliding a few cardboard coasters over the glossy tabletop. "I'll get you the usual."

Johnny's been your server since the three of you started coming here about six months ago and it's obvious to you that he's besotted by Mina.

"She's having a hard time finding a roommate," Mina explains helpfully. Johnny raises a confused brow in your direction.

"What happened to Quinn?"

"Moved out in the middle of the day while I was at work and took the fucking TV," you say miserably, finally raising your head from the table. "And her last rent check bounced."

"Who the fuck takes checks anymore?" Lucy asks in quiet horror. She holds up her hands in surrender when you shoot her a dark look.

Johnny leaves and comes by with your drinks, and you eagerly drink yours down. There's music trivia this evening and the three of you do fairly well, but you're in too low spirits to enjoy or focus.

"You'll a new roommate," Lucy says over the pub's music, trying to raise your spirits.

"The best!" Mina agrees drunkenly. "I just know your luck is going to turn around!"

The rest of the night is passed in a tipsy blur before the three of you stumble to the subway hugging and pressing beer-flavored kisses to each other's cheeks.

You finally arrive back at the apartment around midnight, yawning so wide your jaw cracks. You're fumbling with your key when the stench of salami and cigarettes washes over you.

In anxious habit your hand flies to your neck, fingers playing absently with the locket that's always hanging there.

"Hello Mister Morris," you say, trying to hide the slur from your voice as you turn to face your landlord; a balding man of seventy who you're fairly certain hates you.

"It's the sixteenth," the man says, arms crossed tightly over his narrow chest. He wears a loose grey t-shirt stained with his dinner, or hell, maybe even his lunch too.

"I know."

"I've only got half the rent from you."

Your half because Quinn picked up and fucked off without paying her half, leaving you high and dry.

You want to mention to Mister Morris that he still hasn't fixed your leaking sink or the clicking noise that sounds out every time you use your microwave, but now doesn't feel like the right time.

"It's coming, I promise."

"You said that last week," he frowns and his thick blonde moustache twitches like a broom as he frowns.

"I know, it's just that Quinn -"

"I don't care what the excuse is," he cuts you off. "Get me my money by Monday or you're evicted."

Before you can say anything he's hobbling away back down the creaking steps of the high rise. You feel angry tears start at your lash line as you push yourself into the apartment.

You're about to crawl into bed when your phone beeps. You look blurrily at the glowing screen.

[Unknown number] Hey, I got your number from Johnny at the Dementor. Are you still looking for a roommate? I need somewhere soon and can pay you first and last month right away. I have great references. Lemme know - M

You let out a small huff of disbelief. Johnny gave your number to some strange, random girl from the pub?

Before your irritation can grow, Mister Morris' miserable face floats into your mind. Eviction. It makes you push past your hesitation and type quickly.

[You] Do you have pets?

[Unknown number] No.

[You] Do you make online content?

[Unknown number] Uh, no.

[You] Do you have a real job?

[Unknown number] Yes. I work at a marketing company in the city.

If you were sober you likely never would have replied to the initial message, much less given your address to a stranger. But as it is you're floaty from the booze and the threat of eviction compels you to reply.

[You] Can you come by the place tomorrow?

The response is almost immediate.

[Unknown Number] Sure. Name the time and place.

[You] I get off work at 5. 5:30 work?

[Unknown number] Any chance 8 works? I'm slammed at work tomorrow.

You'd picked 5:30 because there would still be a bit of daylight left in the encroaching fall weather. Eight pm meant that it would be full dark, not an ideal situation.

But nothing about your situation is ideal. If you don't get your entire rent check to Mister Morris you can kiss this apartment and your entire new life goodbye.

[You] Address is 18-97 Whitbey St. Bring your references please.

[Unknown Number] See you then.

[Unknown Number] Sweet dreams.

You smile a bit at that last message, amused at the woman's sense of humor. Maybe Mina was right.

Maybe your luck is turning around after all.

You don't know why but you assumed that M was a woman. So when you open your door the next evening to a man who looks straight out of the douche bag finance district you can't help but wrinkle your nose in displeasure.

He's taller than you with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. You take in his lightly tousled brown locks and notice wearing a navy suit, impeccably tailored. The shoes look expensive.

Why does this guy need a roommate?

He's turned away from you, scanning the hallway. You think he must be thinking this is a mistake. This apartment complex is simple and old. It doesn't seem like something this guy would be into.

He turns around and for some reason your eyes can't meet his. They stay stuck on his chest and drift slowly up to his mouth.

"Hi there," he says with a grin that feels practiced as he takes in your expression. "You're Johnny's friend, right?"

You don't know why but something about him has the hair on your body standing on end.

"Yep," you say feeling hesitant.

He smells good, like something familiar you can't place. He's clean shaven, his mouth full and pouty. He's handsome, you can't deny that. Not your kind of handsome - you're more drawn to the rugged and quietly confident.

This guy is smooth, polished and reminds you of all the asshole frat boys you went to school with. You don’t like the way his grin is slightly crooked, like he’s secretly mocking you without saying a word.

"I'm Max," the man says, hand stretching in your direction. "Max Phillips."

He gives another one of those practiced grins and you realize you're still standing behind the door, only your head and hand peeking out. You just stare at his outstretched fingers, the length of them, the width of his large palm.

Your fingers creep up your neckline to fiddle with the clasp of your locket, your heart hammering.

Max waits a beat before his hands dive back in his pockets. He doesn't seem offended at your lack of contact, if anything he seems amused.

"So," Max says stretching out the word, his full mouth curling into an exaggerated "o". "Are you gonna invite me in?"

His tone is playful and your gaze finally flicks to his eyes, surprised to find his gaze holding yours intensely.

His eyes are a warm, dark brown that appear rather sorrowful. You let yourself stare into them a moment, letting yourself linger.

Let me in.

You step back a fraction, pushing the door open with your fingertips so that he can enter.

"C'mon in."

He walks into the main living area like he owns the place. It sets you on edge and you follow him at a distance, like a terrified puppy.

You watch him glance around the small space, anxious that he'll turn right around. He's too fancy to be in this apartment with a pitiful view of the skyline and murky windows.

It's not a terrible place, just smaller than you'd want. A cramped kitchen, a communal TV space with your old couch, a bathroom with clawfoot tub and leaking showerhead. Nothing fancy.

Max walks around the space, taking in the exposed brick walls, the dripping faucet, the faded couch. His eyes are drawn to the small pot of yellow blooms sitting on the windowsill.

"Caltha Palustris," Max murmurs.

"Uh, yeah," you say stepping towards him in curiosity. "How did you know that? It's a specialized bloom from-"

"Romania," Max finishes for you, fingertips tracing along the petals a moment. "I did a bit of backpacking there."

"Oh." You nod. "I like taking care of plants. Reminds me of home."

Max waits for you to share more but when you don't he continues his walk over the parquet flooring, his shoes clicking over the wood. He stops before the wall over the un-usable fireplace.

"No TV?"

You can't tell him the real reason, that your last roommate ditched you midweek.

"Uh, I like to read," you lie.

"Mhm." Max smirks, obviously not believing you. His eyes bore into yours and you force them to the floor. It's strange, when you stare at him you feel sort of floaty.

He saunters towards the far door, pointing. "This your bedroom?"

"No, that would be yours if... You know," you offer awkwardly. Max nods, pulling it open and peeking inside.

It's a small room, technically a refurbished closet. Enough to fit in a bed and a desk.

If it wasn't New York no one would be in the market for it. As it is, with people desperate to live in the big city you have a line of people wanting to rent it. The only issue is none of them are normal.

"I know it's small," you say almost apologetically to his back. "And I know there's technically no window-"

"I don't need much room," Max says with a shrug, closing the door again with a snick. "And I need it dark to sleep."

You're gob smacked by this. You'd been expecting him to turn around and leave the second he saw the place.

"There's one other thing," you say, swallowing. "Uh, I'm not really allowed to have a roommate. This is technically a one bedroom and all... So if you see the landlord just tell him your my cousin or something. He doesn't really come around unless the rent check is late so odds are you'll never run into him. But, you know, just in case."

"Subterfuge," Max tuts with a wink that has your cheeks prickling with heat. "I like it."

He stands out so much in your humble apartment. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would want to stay in a shoebox. You imagine him in more of a high rise with floor to ceiling windows and sleek countertops.

"I work nights," Max tells you as you drift out of focus. "So I'd be out of your hair for the most part except for the odd weekend."

"Oh," you say, a bit taken aback.

That actually sounds great, exactly what you were hoping for. It sounds too good to be true.

"And I can pay cash for first and last," he adds as if he can feel you softening to the idea. "Whenever you give the okay."

Most people were desperate for a place in New York, so desperate they didn't mind the shitty apartment with bad plumbing. But Max doesn't seem desperate, he seems like a man with lots of options.

"You seem hesitant," Max observes with that same unflappable charisma.

"It's just... Why do you need a roommate?" You blurt, totally at a loss. "You dress expensive, sounds like you have a good job. Why would you want to have a roommate in a shitty apartment in Brooklyn?"

You don't miss the amusement in Max's eyes. He lets them travel languidly along your body, lingering on your neck a fraction before darting back to your face.

"I have another apartment in the city," Max explains with a charming grin. "But it's under renovations for the next six months. I need something in the meantime and I need it quick. My job keeps me very busy and I really just want to settle down so I can get all my focus back on it."

Six months is a decent enough time. It's not a year like you'd prefer, but you're desperate right now.

"You'd need to sign a half a year lease," you tell him.

"Seems fair."

"And pay a damage deposit."

"Naturally."

You falter, licking your lips nervously. You don't miss how Max's eyes follow the damp trail along your lower lip.

"You still seem hesitant," Max says, hands back in his pockets. "May I ask why?"

"It's just... I've never had a male roommate before," you explain. "And..."

"You don't know if I'm a creep or not," Max finishes for you with a grin. "I get it."

You shoot him a relieved smile. "Yeah."

"You're worried I'm a potential serial killer," he chuckles, moving from foot to foot.

"Who knows, maybe I'm the serial killer," you offer with a crooked grin. "You don't know me after all."

"But I do know Johnny," Max argues toothlessly. "If he says you're good, I trust him."

This makes your insides grow warm.

"Well, how about I leave you my references and you go ahead and call them. If you're still uncomfortable after that, we can just forget about it," he offers with a shrug.

"Okay, yeah. That works."

"But I will say I really wanna get settled as soon as possible and I think this place would be a great fit. That is, as long as you don't murder me in my sleep."

You both chuckle politely and before he can overstay his welcome, Max hands you the paper with his references' names and contact information.

"I hope to hear from you soon."

He doesn't attempt to shake your hand again and then he's gone, sailing out of the apartment on his long legs, closing the door gently behind him.

It's late, but after a beat you call his references anyway. When you're satisfied with their positive responses you collapse onto your lumpy couch. You finger the yellow flowers next to you, mind strangely foggy.

After another moment of hesitation you pull out your phone and begin to type.

[You] Can you move in this weekend?

#max phillips #max philips x f!reader #vampire #smut #fanfiction #fanfic #pedro pascal fanfic

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pinkpigtailsprincess · 3 days

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Hot Summer Dayz Summer Days, Easy Living ⋆.ೃ࿔* 🌸💿🫧

₊˚🪼✩ ; HI HOTTIES!! 🌸 Today we’re talking how to protect your peace,being stress free & have easy living this summer because we simply cannot have low vibrations anymore!! also i gonna split this into two/three different posts because i have so much 2 talk about on this topic it really speaks to me!!

?? . . . Choose Your File … 𓈒 ݁ ₊ > 🛍️

╭ ‧₊˚ Media Consumption ୭₊˚ ! 🏝️

₊˚🪼✩; Always observe the types of media you consume when it comes to music or apps like twitter,tiktok & instagram apps that are known for having a particular demographic of people that are known to be very…opinionated this can also be apply with certain music it can influence the way you feel that doesn’t you can’t listen to them on occasion but don’t internalize the type of media you consume when you know its toxic

| ‧₊˚ Keep your space clean ୭₊˚ ! 🫧

₊˚🪼✩; Keeping your space clean will always positively impact how you feel and it keeps you organized and gives you some piece of mind and when i say space i mean everything like

Room

Closet

Dresser

Desk/Vanity

Shelfs

HOT TIP:

Keep an Organizer!! You can have one online or physical but it will make you more organized with scheduling,expenses,work etc. !!

| ‧₊˚ Be Observant of Your Company ୭₊˚ ! 🎀

₊˚🪼✩; the company you keep can influence you in ways that sometimes you aren’t even conscious of it especially if people treat you a certain way or they project onto you they’re negative energy can consume you so be observant of

how does this person make me feel

how do i feel when im with this person

how do i feel after interacting with this person

or at times certain people can make you feel bad for the behavior the exhibit towards you be observant and if you feel like “person in question” drains your energy or they consistently make you feel bad or overstep boundaries distance yourself and cut them off

SIDE NOTE:

At times the person/people in question can be family that you live with and most people don’t have the resources or aren’t of age to move out but im gonna make a whole post on dealing with toxic family!!

╰ ‧₊˚ Take the Time to Reconnect with yourself ୭₊˚ ! 🪸

₊˚🪼✩; For this id recommend going on a digital detox and do some shadow work + journaling to be more in tune with yourself & do healing work because at the end of the day it’s just you and your body & soul and a-lot of times you can’t force things and if you don’t have yourself then you’ll have no one

“Your Energy is Precious”

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detransition · 3 days

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from missmastectomy

A mastectomy has physical AND social repercussions. A therapist or a surgeon might tell you the obvious, like that you can’t breastfeed and that your breasts won’t grow back post-mastectomy, but they won’t tell you about what the mastectomy *feels* like. They can’t. They have never experienced it.

I can tell you, though.

I am 3 years post double mastectomy (top surgery, not cancer related). It is nothing like having a naturally flat chest. Even without my incision scars, my chest doesn’t have the same fat distribution on either side, though it’s small enough to be noticeable to me and not anyone else. I have sensation, but it’s very much dulled, especially on my nipples. I’ve seen it described as the chest feeling like a black hole and I have to agree.

I don’t look like I have a “male chest,” and a big part of that is because I have curves. Males and females FUNDAMENTALLY have very different chests and removing your breasts WILL NOT give you a flat, girly look or a male look. That is highly unlikely. You are much more likely to look like a woman with scars and just a generally “off” chest.

There’s so much trans art out there that just doesn’t represent what a double mastectomy looks like in real life. It is highly romanticized and often portrayed as ✨ cutesy scars ✨ on an otherwise masculine body. No. No no no, that is not what this procedure does! I promise you that when you look up trans mastectomy results, you are going to end up seeing the “best ones,” the most successful ones, often on transmen who pass quite well and already have pretty masculine body types.

You are far less likely to hear about the botched surgeries, which thankfully mine is not. The surgeries where people need multiple revisions, the surgeries where people lose ALL sensation, the surgeries where people develop chronic pain.

When you get a mastectomy, you are removing a body part full stop. There are going to be side effects because this procedure is no joke, and mine are comparatively mild. I get itching on my scars sometimes and a mild burning sensation, which can be triggered by stress. Even if it’s elective and you think you want this, your body will remember it has lost a piece of itself. It doesn’t matter how dysphoric you are. There used to be something on your chest and now it is gone forever and nothing will bring it back, barre more surgery that is nothing but an imitation of the real thing.

I cannot express to people considering this surgery how difficult recovery is and living with it afterwards, even if you’re happy at first. I was happy at first. But then I detransitioned and realized I had been taken advantage of by a sociopathic, money hungry surgeon as a teenager. Even if I had persisted as trans, I would still deal with the fact that my flatness was not natural, but surgically constructed. My body could never forget the physical trauma of being sliced into like that, no matter how much I thought I wanted it.

You are not a Mr. Potato head. These are serious surgeries and they have serious, life long repercussions. Your breasts are not baby feeders or male attractors - they are a part of your body, your temple. And your body will feel the loss, even if (at first) you do not.

Do not get this as an elective procedure. These surgeons are lying to you. They don’t care about you. All they care about is money. The next time your dysphoria acts up and you’re considering a mastectomy, don’t think about the fantasy you’ve constructed in your mind where you’re just a male with chest scars. Instead, think about the fact that I’m order to achieve this “look,” you literally need to maim yourself. Think about the total loss of sensation, the dangers of the surgery itself, the feeling of complete and utter violation you will live with permanently if you ever regret your decision.

And then make your choice.

thinking of detransition? you are not alone

#detransition #detrans #ftmtf #1st #detrans ftm #detrans female #ftm detransition #ftm detrans #actuallydetrans #actually detrans #mastectomy #top surgery

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michaelectras · 3 months

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relistened to mag102 nesting instinct and even out of the tma context i think adam would like semi-jokingly call michael his ‘permanent little stomach bug’ or his ‘little earworm’ for like shits and giggles and kind-of less-so as a comment about the nature of their relationship but idk how michael would react. somewhere between wildly flattered and looking at adam (mentally) and raising an eyebrow and going ‘the only insect in this relationship is you’ which results in him sleeping on the sofa (in their head) for a week

#cannot stress how one body they are in this #adam deserves to be consumed by what loves him etc etc #also the tmagp episode—the dead wife and the garden—is also kinda 😳 on the midam front #on a non-midam level though i think adam distortion could be pretty neat like the cage is basically sannikovland #but this could also be because im doing an entire chronological relisten and mag101 is fresh on my mind rn lol #midam #adam milligan #spn michael #tma

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plague-of-insomnia · 3 months

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ever had a day you felt you just could not exist?

#today was that day #it’s like my mood and physical symptoms decided to get together against a common enemy (me)#:/#i think part of it is the ongoing stress from the doctor situation #plus the pca i started working with who i thought i could rely on #told me last night she basically can only do things around the house during our designated time slot #i cannot drive #we do not have public transport here #so if hubby is working down town i don’t have any way to go or get many things #and i thought i could count on her and that would be one less thing on my stress pile #but noooo apparently #sigh #not kuro #personal #btw this isn’t a suicide thing #it’s more like….#uh how to explain #idk like my brain and body kept giving me the blue screen of death so i couldn’t work today #🤷🏻 a very inelegant and not quite accurate metaphor but here we go

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months

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brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.

#snap chats #i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️#my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one #'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice #am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen #when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid #and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours #and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner #and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL #he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week #and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's #like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed #and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds #POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees #i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like #anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter..#aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴#imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up.#alright bye

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windwardstar · 4 months

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My body reacts to estrogen like when the Malboro breathes on you and inflicts every status effect in the game

#like i cannot stress enough how t has improved every single one of my chronic health conditions #and like ive been having to take e cream to help with the healing from my hysto and like #over the past month it has literally been like oh why the fuck do i feel like shit /today/ and then realize without fail it followed #having applied the cream #like idk why but my body thoroughly rejects the existence of that shit #and its making it really hard to do what the dr says and apply it

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eclipse-ofthe-sun · 9 months

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*looks up new symptom**website says it can be caused by stress, mystery misc health condition, or habits i do not have**i cannot leave my current stress situation for another whole year minimum**all nhs waitlists are minimum six months, if you can get on one* guess ill die then

#been getting fast heartrate and the associated body not working. even when laying down.#i do not have the emotional bandwidth to go to the doctor again. making that call then walking there to look my wonderful doctor in the eye #tell them i have a new symptom and dont know how it fits in all my other ones #and just not have solutions #'i can prescribe you some vitamins again. temp fix' the ones i cant afford? that dont change any symptoms?#hes a great doctor but its the waitlists and the specialists and the 'exercise!' and the everything #vent #also im sick of stress likely being the cause of all my issues bec its the one thing i cannot solve #its just a downward spiral

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quietwingsinthesky · 4 months

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i have been thinking about that ‘give your oc a kink’ post for days. because i think even would have a thing for hypnosis. yes, yes, for character reasons of overwhelming feelings of impending failure that make the idea of having the ability to choose anything at all be taken out of their hands look extremely appealing. but also because it would be so fucking funny in the worse timeline. imagine you get stuck in time hell with a guy whose whole thing is hypnotizing people, and u hate him. u hate him so. so much.

#i never let them just have a nice relaxing time huh #even just wants someone to take over their brain for a bit so they arent filled with insane amounts of stress about fucking up.#and no one around them will help out for silly reasons like ‘this is a bad coping mechanism’ and ‘having free will is important’ and #‘controlling someone’s mind is invasive’#except for this one asshole. and they don’t even like him.#i cannot emphasize enough how much the core of this timeline is that even and the master do not fucking like each other. at all.#but the thing is: time bubble.#even can’t reasonably expect to survive on their own. and the master gets his kicks out of watching one of the doctor’s companions get Worse #when circumstances force their hand. and also its helpful to have a spare to be able to throw into pits before you jump in yourself to see #how deep they are.#something even is aware of. and on some level finds easier than their relationship with the doctor. there’s security in knowing someone will #destroy you. in choosing them to do it. or at least telling yourself that you had a choice when you picked them.#<3 healthy and normal relationship.#i got off topic this was about hypnosis. anyway the point of that was that its one thing to give a guy your death and another to (willingly)#let him fuck around in your head. no matter how appealing it looks some days.#and let me tell you: even’s had some days.#endgame for even getting out of this. (if they do. i haven’t decided.) but the endgame is someone on the surface whose face the doctor knows #and someone underneath who is a complete stranger. both metaphorically and physically as in: that suicide pill tooth is probably not the #last thing they end up letting the master stick in their body. even is at the end of the day a constant struggle to be a person and not a #reaction to the people around them.#dw oc #and maybe in a nicer timeline they meets river song and find kinky applications for hallucinagenic lipstick. i could let them be happy.#i could. i wont! but i could.

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saint-nevermore · 8 months

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i love the hell out of the Calamity mod and the music made for it by DM Dokuro are some of the best game tunes ive heard in my entire life but i will never forgive the dev team especc F*bsol for the abuse Dokuro had to deal with. Imagine hiring a highly skilled autistic musician and then fucking them up so bad it almost ruins a passion for them. manifesting a beautiful image in my mind where my wife Calamitas turns Fab to ash

#im so full of thoughts. love the mod. HATE fabsol. would lay down my life for dokuro #i listen to wasteland and can tell how much that shit was weighing on em #cannot stress enough how much the soundtrack has changed my life though. the hell that was Stained Brutal Calamity is #one of my top comfort tunes but also makes me clench every muscle in my body #with how mad i get about the behind the scenes #anyway go support DM Dokuro you might recognise their undertale remixes. theyre working on personal projects right now #and they fuck like hell

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therulerofallpotatos · 2 years

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What it is about “definitely” that makes people write “defiantly” so often. What is the secret that “defiantly” is holding on so many people to put it in sentences that clearly mean “definitely”. Why is this word, in particular, such a common typo

#ancient secrets i've wondered for years #one day I'll do the typo and it'll be like a trickster god has taken over my body for the lolz #words cannot express how stressed i am about the idea of me finding a typo on this post after i post it #my brain is actively trying to convince itself that they're actually the same word even though i know damn well that #definitely and defiantly are two completely different words

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kaijutegu · 5 months

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Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

youtube

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

#reptiblr #alligator #crocodile #Youtube

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