#by him doing suic!de?

[idontknowmyownmind]

When I was scrolling through my fyp, a new manhwa recommendation gave me an idea for RokCale lol

I do not really remember because I accidently tapped the home button before I look at the title 😀

I might be wrong but let's prettend I'm close to the truth

So, the story is about the ml who is born different, with red eyes, and people believe that he is the devil in the prophercy or something but the fl doesn't believe it

They are knights that had achieved many accomplishments together

In the end, the ml is the devil and kill the fl and fl told him that she will love him no differently even though she know the truth earlier

Idk what happen next...

Well, ml as Roksoo and fl as Cale

Roksoo is overthinker and has a habit to came to a conclusion that satisfied himself, whether it's true or not

Cale is someone who is open with his feeling toward Roksoo

He know Roksoo's bad habit and always make sure that he know that Cale loves him for who he is

But Roksoo believe that it will change when Cale know the truth

The ending is the same, Roksoo killed Cale and poured out what he has been thinking, 'accusing' Cale that he must be disgusted with him now

But rather than angry, Cale smile through his blood and cupped his check

"I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to let you know that I love you, I will always love you, Roksoo, for who you are."

Roksoo is speechless but Cale keep talking

"I have my hunch that the gossip is not really a gossip after all. But I found myself doesn't care about it... you are Roksoo, someone I came to love with my whole heart. I know the time we spent together is not a lie. I'm sorry for not being able to lift your doubt about humans, about me. But please... please don't doubt my love for you.. "

Cale cough up more blood and idk how to write Roksoo's reaction... someone help me describe it 'cause I'm really lost here 🥲

In the end Cale still died

#og!cale henituse #cale henituse #trash of the counts family #kim rok soo #au #trash of the count's family #rokcale #this is sad #sad end #do i kill roksoo? #by him doing suic!de? #because of guilt #or let him alive? #oh my..

[thegoldenlittlerose]

I was happy knowing about Hot Boy summer being so close.

Then I got worried because of the new Thumbail.

Now I'm wanting to rip my eyes out after seeing another fic that sexualizes Caelum...

Why? Just Why.

#redacted asmr #redacted #redacted tag #redacted caelum #It's explicity said that he is one of the YOUNGER DAEMON #He has a CHILD MENTALITY #If even a sex demon won't do anything like that to someone like him. What gives you the idea that this is right? #At the very least there's not suic*de threaths on this one

[forlibcrty]

if i think for too long about how connor explicitly told achilles he wanted to reconcile with haytham after the fight and never got his chance i WILL cry.

#( * ooc. ) #like yeah his outburst at haytham WAS warranted #haytham did sit on the knowledge of washington being the one to attack his village in 1760 #only to pull it out as a gotcha moment and that was shitty of him to do connor's allowed to be furious and hurt #but as angry as he was in that moment he never wanted the split to be permanent #after time passes he WANTS to reconcile and he tells achilles that!! #he doesn't want the fucking boss fight he doesn't want to hurt haytham #the moment everyone memes where he's screaming 'GIVE ME LEE' is because! that's who he's there to fight! #he /doesn't want/ to fight his own father and he is begging haytham to step aside and just let him fight lee #but unfortunately haytham has decided to commit suic*de by sonboy

[ayakashiz]

Alien Stage R6 Analysis

VERY LONG compilation of my interpretations, impressions and unanswered questions about Round 6 of Alien Stage. I just wanted to write this to put all my thoughts in one place so I can finally rest (in pieces). TW for mentions of suic*de/suic*dal ideation.

The most debated is no doubt the kiss/choking scene and Ivan’s motivation for doing so in the first place. 

I think from the very beginning, even before R3, Ivan was planning to go out with a bang. That’s the immediate impression I got from the comic where he mocks/criticizes Sua for planning to “selfishly” die for Mizi and feel good being the “heroine” rather than having to deal with the trauma of being the one left behind. 

(I'm too lazy to edit the whole translation as of now, but might do so when I have more time.)

Ivan tells her how he’s “relieved that he’s not the only who’s that twisted” = He’s comparing himself to Sua. He thinks they’re both ‘twisted’ for planning to do the same thing, but from Ivan’s perspective, he at least isn’t fooling himself into thinking his motives are altruistic. He tasted the feeling of being ‘abandoned’, and he knows he doesn’t want to experience it twice. 

He also probably thought that his death wouldn’t be as impactful on Till as Sua’s death on Mizi, and therefore his own selfishness is more justified in his mind. This most likely plays a role in how cold and biting his words are towards Sua –he’s jealous of that difference between them.

I hadn’t noticed this detail the first time I watched the video: Not only did Till look absolutely miserable and defeated from the get go, but he completely gave up and stopped singing at some point. If you look at the video, we can hear the audio that was supposed to be sung, but Till is quiet and still, and THIS is the moment Ivan chooses to act.

Although they do not show the votes at that particular moment, stopping mid song would have definitely taken a hit to Till’s score as it’s basically forfeiting –a huge contrast to his previous match where he didn’t even let his opponent utter a single line.

In response, Ivan doesn’t just walk towards him but throws his microphone to the ground, explicitly forfeiting as well in order to then pull a drastic move like it was foreshadowed in his interview.

The kiss itself imo was the less calculated/arguably unplanned part. He could have just choked Till from the start and it would have gotten him the same if not better results (since it was the act of violence against another contestant that ultimately lowered his score and got the counter to stop). 

That kiss was authentic and for himself entirely, both as a last desperate attempt at conveying his feelings and a selfish way of leaving a strong impression on Till that he wouldn’t be able to forget (a hypocritical move going back to how he criticized Sua). In that sense, I don’t think Ivan was seriously trying to take Till down with him –although that’s up to interpretation. As I see it, that would contradict his actions up until that point.

Till was VERY CLEARLY suic*dal (once again, he gave up singing), and after the initial shock of Ivan squeezing his neck, this fiery, rebellious man who is KNOWN to fight tooth and nail, simply closed his eyes and relaxed his body, waiting for Ivan to end him without fighting at all. 

The thing is, no matter how suic*dal one may be, the fighting response when being actually suffocated is automatic and completely involuntary. People mention there not being marks on Till’s neck but I think the most telling sign is him not going red, not squirming, not struggling or holding onto Ivan’s wrists (again, expected involuntary responses), his eyes not watering or having blurry vision while we see Ivan from his POV, not opening his mouth even a little to gasp for air and not coughing or gasping either when he was finally released.

Ivan definitely had him in a strong grip, might have even made him a bit lightheaded, but the reason why Till could look so relaxed in the first place is because he had given up and was waiting for Ivan to go ahead. If his closed eyes and limp posture were due to the choking itself, he would have fallen or stumbled when being let go, but we see that his eyes open as soon as he feels Ivan’s hands slipping away and he looks shocked instead.

So then what was Ivan’s motivation, if not to kill him? Yes, there’s the already discussed plan to get himself disqualified. But Ivan glances at the screen only a few seconds after he starts the choking, confirming that the voting had in fact stopped with Till having the higher score. He then goes for one last ‘goodbye’ kiss before continuing to choke him, holding his grip even as he starts getting shot.

We see a closeup of him, his eyes and hands trembling, looking more frustrated/emotional than in Till’s first POV where he looks rather stoic. It makes me think that the reason he refused to let go was simply because he wanted Till to look at him. 

They strongly imply throughout the whole video that being annoying or mean or violent was the only way Ivan learnt how to make Till focus his full attention on him, but now even as he’s threatening his life, even as he himself is dying, even after that kiss, Till wouldn’t look. 

It took him getting fatally wounded and realizing there was no turning back to reach a state of acceptance. His bittersweet expression here reminds me A LOT of his smile after Till runs back during the meteor scene, although this one seems a lot more tender. He seems to accept the fact that Till will never love him back, but Ivan cannot stop loving him anyways and he at least got to put his feelings out there. 

(The parallels here are driving me insane. The way there is light in his eyes in both instances as he looks at Till even while 'losing him' in a way. The struggle between wanting to posses him yet realizing his free spirit/strong will is part of what he loves about him. That last genuine gaze from a character who spent his whole life putting on a mask. Yes I am very normal about this.)

Until then, Ivan’s more tender/vulnerable side is only shown while Till is unconscious or looking away.

(That soft, loving nuzzle to Till's face has me in SHAMBLES.)

But ironically, it’s only when he releases him and shows him this vulnerability without a mask that Till really looks at him for the first time. I’d go as far as to say that it was this moment, and not the kiss, that finally made Till understand Ivan’s feelings. And in turn Ivan gets that little shot of euphoria as he falls to the ground.

Going back to the survivor’s guilt… I can only imagine it’ll go completely downhill for Till from now on. Not only does he already think Mizi might be dead and is angry at himself that he couldn’t save her (as seen in the shot where he punches his own picture), but now he has most likely realized that Ivan intentionally fumbled their match for his sake –which would lead to the realization that he was the reason why Ivan chose to run back to Anakt Garden after him in the first place, and that choice ultimately lead to his death. 

Even though we see them fighting a lot as children through the videos and comics, it’s also implied that they were always together and they shared some quiet moments –the “Mizi didn’t play with you, I played with you” art, all that art of the main 4 playing together, those bright smiles as they ran away together during the meteor shower scene and Till looking so guilty when he let go of his hand. 

There are a few cute doodles of them for those who are on Patreon, and some more lore in the Anakt Garden kit –so they were at the very least friends in their own way (as best as 2 very traumatized and abused children could), constantly fighting and making up. Which God… it shows that despite appearances Till must have actually had the patience of a saint when they were little lmao.

But what I’m trying to say is that despite what Ivan may have thought, his death will most definitely have an impact on Till and the narrative going forward, and I’m excited to find out how that reflects in the final round (if the resistance doesn’t manage to get back up in time to disrupt it). 

Despite how much I adored (and SUFFERED WITH) this round, I still have MANY questions that were left unanswered, both about Ivan and Till, and the lore in general, and I wonder if there’ll be time to answer them all, as I can imagine the next MV will be focused on Luka’s perspective, the only one we haven’t been presented with.

One of the most pressing questions being: What’s the relationship between Ivan and that alien dog? Did he tame it? It is implied that it was Ivan who somehow led Till and Mizi to it in the first place in that one scene, and if so I wonder what his motivation was? Normally jealousy would be the first thing to come to mind but Ivan wasn’t interested in Till until AFTER he saw him stand up to the beast to protect Mizi, so it couldn’t have been that. 

This is something that was also teased on Patreon and I was looking forward to the explanation on the MV, but it never came, and now Ivan is dead, so the next video will most likely not be too concerned with his backstory any longer. (Which, also, I was really curious about his life in the slums before being captured, auctioned and brought to Anakt, as that would have played a huge role in his twisted personality/dark tendencies –once again teased on Patreon very briefly, but not explained beyond that frame of him looking famished.)

The second is, how is Ivan able to open Till’s collar/muzzle so easily? This is a question I’ve been having since R3, but chalked it up to Ivan being sneaky and figuring out some kind of code to the cell door and that somehow automatically deactivating the locks on the restraints… or something. But with how many times he does it in R6 with just a touch it’s very clear that that isn’t the case and also imo they’re trying to point this out as a significant detail. 

It may turn out that I’m just looking too much into it, but I find it really curious and interesting. Not only is he the only child without a collar (Mizi and Sua still had them despite being just as well behaved as him), but he seems to be the only one able to take them off –or at least Till’s. I’m pretty sure the children wouldn’t normally be able to remove them by themselves as it seems to be a control mechanism. So how can Ivan? This might explain a lot about how they were able to escape, and also add a layer of tragedy knowing that Ivan could have chosen to escape by himself at any point, but refused to leave Till behind.

Last but not least there’s all the human experimentation Till was subjected to, which was the main topic of the teaser and we see the same images show up in the very beginning of the MV. They help emphasize Till’s suffering and distressed state of mind, but then they’re never expanded on or mentioned at all for the rest of the video. That’s a huge piece of lore that I also hope isn’t forgotten.

I mean, I really doubt it will. So far VIVINOS & co. have been incredible with their ability to hold back information and release it at the moment where it’s the most impactful, which is refreshing to see. So I trust we’ll get some answers eventually. 

Really curious to know why they would experiment on an ALNST contestant in the first place, especially one that is undoubtedly talented and described as a musical genius (aka. has good odds of doing well on stage and earning the segyein revenue). A very plausible theory might just be that he was just getting constantly drugged to make him less of a threat/more submissive –like we see on the karaoke room scene. But it might as well be something bigger.

As for my expectations for the next round… I’m still just trying to process this one, as you can see by the sheer amount of text. There are many things left to address, and the Hyuna/Luka confrontation has been strongly teased. I wonder also, if the round goes on without interruption, what would Luka’s strategy against Till be? Would he go for provocation again, trying to imitate Mizi/hint to his recent trauma with Ivan? It probably won’t be that simple.

I mean, VIVINOS has been known for subverting our expectations with each round:

The ominous/callous framing that was given to Ivan by the end of Black Sorrow and the art that followed, making us suspicious of his intentions, only to have him die for love. The lifeless/doll-like framing given to Luka, vulnerable and cornered by flashing lights, only to have him be the cruelest/most calculating one (that we know so far). The rebellious, rowdy, willing to do anything to survive framing given to Till, only to have his fighting spirit completely break and willingly waiting to die by Ivan’s hands. The naive, complacent and passive image given to Mizi, only to have her snap, beat the shit out of Luka and join the rebellion –and with how things are going (and her being the protagonist) I wouldn’t be surprised if she, and not Hyuna (the one who was framed as the most strong and reliable, giving us a false sense of security going into R6), is who will have to try and rescue Till (and Luka???).

There are still a ton of things that keep me awake at night about R6 –my favorite character dying aside. I could talk about it forever, but I’ll leave it here. 

Feel free to share your theories, delusions, interpretations or any detail I might have missed with me. God knows we need group therapy after this as the cute chibi keychains can only heal us so far. Thanks for reading my rambles if you made it this far. :’)

#alien stage #alnst #에이스테 #ivantill #vivinos #ivan alnst #till alnst #im GOING INSANE idk if you can tell... hahah #the only reason i didn't flood this with more videos and pictures is cause tumblr gave me a limit of 30 :')

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

agape | sjy.

pairings: sim jaeyun x reader

synopsis: his pretty wings in exchange of the ability to walk over this sinful land. his immortality in exchange of a life where he can be with you. his loyalty in exchange to own and have you for himself. all of these, jake was willing to do. he’s a servant of God who turned into a sinner and you are his sin he happily committed.

word count: 12k

warnings: suic*de, suggestive themes (a little), angels/heaven vaguely mentioned, not proof read, wrong grammar (be nice).

special note: i just want to put disclaimer that this fic have no intention to disrespect any religion and so is God or anything heaven related. not everything written here are legit and purely from my imagination.

note: okay, first of all, i’m not so sure how i did with this fic. at first i thought i will put yandere theme here, but ends up going somewhere else. i hope you will like this because i did enjoyed writing this. let me know what you think about this fic through my asks. send asks please, it does help me a lot. thank you. ily and keep safe.

fic moodboard › here

© eeunoia 2023 — all rights reserved.

Angels are known for their obedience, loyalty and beautiful appearance. With pretty wings and calm composure, they are often labelled only with good words. They have said to be the ones sent down to earth for various missions. They patrol the areas to deter crime.

Sometimes, they are tasked to guide someone back to heaven. Sometimes they are asked to do something else. But one of the main jobs an archangel can have is to look over a person and serve as their guardian angel. It said to be a very hard task, the hardest out of all. The angels sent for this mission are meticulously and strictly picked.

“They’re sending you then?” one of the angels asked the smiling boy. His eyes sparkles innocently together with his big beautiful wings.

Jaeyun stands out a lot from the other angels, not only because of his big pretty wings that are very unique, but also because of his ethereal visuals that made him even more distinct. Some says he was meant for this, that being an angel fits him like a puzzle piece. None can go against that thought as the said angel sure really look heavenly. With his blonde hair, sparkling eyes, pointy nose and plump red lips. He’s breathtaking.

“Yes. The higher rank archangel called me a while ago and gave me the name of the person I will soon look after to.” the boy’s fist balled in excitement. He looked giddy, hyper to the extent that he couldn’t keep himself from moving.

The angels around him showed an amused and curious expression. “That’s great! Is it a girl or a boy?”

He smiles, “A girl.”

They nodded their heads, “What’s her name?”

“Y/n.”

Saying that he’s excited was an understatement. His hands continuously fidgets, his lips caught in between his teeth and feet thumps in a distinct beat. The older angel turns his head and a smile breaks to his face at the younger one.

“You look so excited.”

“I am Sir!” and he even made a small dances.

He chuckles and guided him towards somewhere. His eyes grew a little big in amusement and his lips parted a bit. He heard about this part of their kingdom multiple times, how amazing and ethereal it was. But Jaeyun was beyond amused. It was nothing you can put into words to properly give justice to this magical place.

One by one, the upper angel tries to fill information to young, freshman, Jaeyun. He’s so adorably looking around, curious of every bits of his surroundings. How can he not be excited? He’s been waiting for this major role he finally gained himself for and now that he’s here he’s exhilirated. He promised he will do his best to serve only for the greater good.

“You will be looking after Y/n. She’s about your age.” he starts and shows him this beautiful girl that is currently studying inside a place he assumes to be her room.

Jaeyun was speechless that moment. His wide smile faltered for a bit, his throat felt dry, his chest tightens for an unknown reason and he just stared at the girl. Suddenly he felt like his heart are frantically beating. It was already like that moments before because of excitement, but now he feels like there’s just so much more.

The upper angel notices his behavior and didn’t take it as something serious. It wasn’t that unusual as it happens before whenever one gets to meet their first human to look after to. Angels naturally have this personality to adore and see humans as precious creatures. They just love them to bits and enjoys being around them.

Realizing that the younger one still couldn’t find the words to say, he decided to talk.

“Her previous guardian angel was tasked something different so we needed a new angel to guide her.”

Jaeyun finally snaps out of his trance and nodded. His eyes sparkles before he glanced back at you, looking distress while holding a thing that comes in a shape of a rectangle. You don’t look fascinated at what you’re looking at and rather frustrated painted over your face.

He was instructed that he will be sent to you right away. He doesn’t need to be hold back or stay for some kind of orientation about it. He was basically trained for this. He’s beeb preparing for this for as long as he can remember. Its one of the reason why they exist.

After giving some few reminders, he was guided towards somewhere. Jaeyun couldn’t hold his excitement to himself, lips stretched from side to side of his face, eyes so bright you can see from a distant how happy he is, and he cannot help to hop as he walks. Its the best day for him.

‘Jaeyun,’ a soft, almost impossible to hear sound of a voice calling his name made him halt from his steps.

He craned his neck to the sides, hoping to see someone calling out for him. The upper angel was already steps ahead of him, unaware of the interruption over to the younger one. Jake continues to turn his head, until he saw this gate. It was huge that even when you look up to try and see its end, it wasn’t visible. Cotton like clouds surrounds the golden metals that serves as a boundary between Jaeyun and the place on the other side.

He furrow his brows and approached closer, trying to take a peak through those metal gates. From where he is, he can see a staircase. It looks so magical.

Jaeyun gulps as he felt his breath slowly being taken away, astonished by the scenery right in front of him. Unconsciously, his hand extends towards the gate and before his bare fingers touch the metal object, a hand cease him.

His head snaps over to the side and he saw the upper angel. Jaeyun blushes out of shame. He doesn’t look mad, but he’s looming of something as he stares at him.

“Jaeyun,” he calls out like as if he was almost too late.

“You shouldn’t go near this gate.” he added that fueled more to his humiliation.

He didn’t know why he got too distracted to this place and comes closer it. He nods his head, lowering it a bit as he retrieve his arm after he let go.

“I’m sorry. It was so beautiful and I got curious so I thought I can have a l-look.” he says.

The upper angel didn’t show any bad reaction, but instead he smiles and craned his neck to look over his shoulder. His stares remains for a while before he faced Jaeyun once again.

“This is the forbidden passage.” he announced that made the younger one astound and left speechless. The color on his face almost drained as his eyes darts at the gate behind the higher ranked angel.

“It is normal for it to look so alluring. Mainly why the ministers built this big gates to keep angels away from here.”

Jaeyun heard about this passage. It was too popular between the angels. Apparently, there are two passages that exists in this kingdom. One, is the one called the ‘passage through life’ where angels use to go down the earth. The other one, is the one a few steps away from where Jaeyun is standing. The ‘forbidden passage’.

Nobody really knew what its like to be inside over this gate, or at least nobody made it back up here to tell what its like. They said that once you enter this gate and walk to the stairs of sufferings, there’s no going back. Its dead end for you.

“We should go.” and he guides him away from the forbidden passage.

Jaeyun gave a last glance to the gate before he lets himself be taken to the right passage he ought to be. Right in front, he can see angels lined up to go do their missions. Excitement once again crept over his chest and smiles starts to paint his face.

“Once you walk over there, you will know everything you need to know about your human.” the upper angel says smiling a little.

“Goodluck.”

Jaeyun nodded with a big smile before he lines along with the other angel. Anyone can tell from one look how excited and new Jaeyun is to his job. All of them can’t help but to spare him some glances, admiring his fascinating visuals that goes along well with his big pretty wings.

“All right, Jaeyun. We can do this.” he silently cheers himself and his eyes shuts adorably as he takes a step inside the passage.

There’s this tingling sensation over Jaeyun’s stomach and when he open his eyes, the first thing he notices is the familiarity of the room. Now, he’s so sure that he’s never been inside this space but it seems like he knew it like the back of his hand. Memories flood his mind, unfamiliar memories. It was obvious that it didn’t belong to him.

As he roam his eyes, he kept seeing vague images of a young girl. Seems like the memories belongs to her, to you, his human. The whole room are filled with memories that maybe she cherished for herself and now, Jaeyun’s there to keep them safe with him.

“Ugh,” a soft groan sends Jaeyun back to his senses.

When he look over his shoulder, he saw you. Sat in front of your desk, hands over your face looking in distress.

Jaeyun was stoned at his position. He doesn’t exactly know what to do at the moment. He’s basically here for you, but to see a human this close for the first time are fascinating and thrilling for the young angel.

He took courageous steps closer at the side of your table and tilts his head, trying to get a short glimpse of your face.

“Ah!” you slam your hands over the table making the angel jolt in surprise, his wings automatically covering him.

“I hate this subject.” you mumbled to yourself unaware of a beautiful pair of eyes watching you silently.

Jaeyun’s wings slowly retrieves. His eyes completely glued at your pretty face. He was lost of words and mind went blank. He felt like he was in clouds, utterly dazed at you. The young angel was unaware of the big smile spreading across his face as he stares even more.

He walks closer, leans his elbow at your table to stare at you carefully. You focused back on your homework and tries hard to understand whatever that is. As you busy yourself with your homework, Jaeyun was busy looking at you.

“Hello, y/n.” he whispers to himself as you aren’t capable of hearing his words.

He giggles while watching you scratch your head using the end of your pen, looking confused.

Seconds, minutes and hours passed by, Jaeyun didn’t get tired of watching you. He walks closer to check what stressing you out. He has no clue about any of it, but nods his head with a slightly furrowed brows. The angel adorably mirrors your emotions and giggles whenever you do cute facial expressions out of distress.

When the clock strikes twelve, Jaeyun notices how your eyes closes from time to time, yawning every five minutes and head bopping as sleep slowly pulls you. He instantly got worried of you hitting the table so he grabs a pillow, making sure none of it will be noticed by you. The sleep basically robbed your complete awareness of the things happening inside your room.

Just in time, Jaeyun slides the pillow before your head falls. He smiles and leans his back at your wall, crossing his arms. A look of satisfaction shows over his face.

Angels can manipulate and hold material things as long as no human will see it. They can’t physically touch them because angels don’t have that ability. They are also forbidden to use these abilities to their desire. Angels helps to guide people and not decide for them. In the end, humans will make the decisions.

“Sleepwell, princess.” he whispers and closes the light of your room so you can sleep more comfortably.

Jaeyun spreads his pretty wings and jumps out from your window. His smiles bigger and brighter than usual. The angel was unaware of what’s ahead of him.

It started innocent and pure. Jaeyun’s great with his job, he guides you and helps you as much as he can. His knowledge over this world grew along with his fondness over you. You got into Jaeyun’s system so much to the point that the angel couldn’t stop talking about you.

They understand it. This is his first mission, his first human. Of course, he will be fascinated. Even angels can be so amused in all of their first times.

They shrug it off and just deals with his nonstop talks about you.

Now, nobody really can blame him. You are a wonderful person, such a great girl. Beautiful, kind, smart and all other good things. People can easily label you as someone that they can look up to. Full of dreams and inspiration. You are the type of girl who will spend your free time in volunteering. Feed stray kittens, help a granny crossing the street, all good stuff.

If Jaeyun discovers good things in this world, he also learned about how people become sinners overtime. How cruel other people can be, being selfish and crimes left and right. He understands why angels are busy these days.

It doesn’t bother him too much, all he focus about was you. He cares about you too much.

The very first time he experienced total excitement for you was his first christmas. You squeal as your parents hands you a box. Jaeyun stood close to you, having his heart leaping around in anticipation.

“They got us a...” his words stall as he stretch his neck to peak through the box. You tear its wrap and even before fully removing it, you screamed and ran towards your parents.

“...what is that, princess?” he whispers and trudge towards you to check the box.

“Thank you for getting me my dream phone!” you exclaimed that send Jaeyun in cofusion.

“A phone?” he pouts and saw you unboxing the said gadget. He snorts and sat beside you, watching you enjoy your gift.

“Why did Mom and Dad got us phone?” he mumbles and rest his head at the back of his palm. “What happen on gifting us books to read?” he added, trying to recall how you’re so happy on your birthday.

Regardless, he smiles seeing how happy you looked for it. He sighs and clicked his tongue.

“As long as you’re happy.” he mumbles.

But its not always happy time. There are days that you feel sad. These are what Jaeyun hates the most. Seeing your pretty eyes water in tears, nose turning slightly red because of crying.

“Baby,” he whispers and squat beside you, wings hanging low.

Your cries breaks his heart. “Stop crying, please.” he tries to console you even if there’s no way you can hear him.

It doesn’t matter, he still continues. Your dog just died and it made you so sad that you’re crying so much. Jaeyun couldn’t take it and his chest tightens at the sight. He wanted to do something, make you feel better but there’s just not much he can do. The extent of his powers have limits and this is the first time he wished he had more. That he can do more.

Contentment is one good characteristics one angel have, but Jaeyun’s thoughts aren’t mirroring it at one bit.

Time flew by too fast for Jaeyun. He didn’t even realized that its been years ever since he started to be your guardian angel. He doesn’t think his work as heavy, in fact Jaeyun loves his work. He doesn’t get tired over his routine. For him everyday with you is unique and special, he cherish all of them.

“I am happy to present this award to an honorable student,” the principal of your school smiles widely on stage.

“Y/n.” she continues and the crowd cheers after your name was mentioned.

You chuckled, standing up to go and get your award. Friends, admirers and other more cheers, supporting you. But out of all, your biggest supporter was stood by the stage, smile so wide, his golden blonde hair sure looks good on him, his lips caught up over his teeth as he clap his hands passionately. Even if he’s invisible to the naked human’s eyes, that didn’t stop Jaeyun from cheering.

His wings spreads so wide and he moves it just enough to blew some wind towards you, adding to your charisma while walking towards the stage. To say that Jaeyun is proud was an understatement, he was beyond that. For him, you are the best. You are the only one.

The young angel was so ignorant of the menacing feelings unfolding at a leisurely pace. He was unaware of the lingering emotions he’s slowly growing inside of him, bigger than his wings, deeper than his thoughts and stronger than his love to serve the almighty.

It started to awoke this feelings when you turned seventeen. Start of a new schoolyear, you are so excited for this because you finally moved in to a bigger campus.

Jaeyun whistles, both hands inside his pocket while he leans over the wall right outside the girl’s bathroom. He’s waiting patiently for you because you went inside to go your business.

“You’re y/n, right?” Jaeyun lifts his head and saw three girls approaching you.

He pushed himself off from the wall to walk closer, “Yes.” he heard you answer.

Jaeyun looked curious as he stand close behind you, listening along to what these girls wants from you. His wings automatically wrapped around you, trapping both of you inside it.

“I’m Jeena.” she smiles, but Jaeyun didn’t retrieve.

“We want to be friends with you.” the one on her left added after she introduced herself too.

You smiled and nodded at them. Jaeyun’s lips pursed into a pout and lean forward to check your expression. He glanced back at the three girls and vaguely squint his eyes like he’s watching them closely.

The next day, you looked excited while waiting by the school gate. Jaeyun beside you smiles, watching you happily. One girl notices you and asked you why you haven’t entered the school yet.

“I’m waiting for Jeena.” you answered.

Jaeyun’s brows furrowed and he snap his head over your way. “Jeena? From yesterday?” he asks and walks closer, his face inches away from you.

“Are they our new friends, princess?” Jaeyun asks again, watching your eyes.

“Y/n!” your head turns to your side and you waved happily.

When you approach Jeena, you walk through Jaeyun and he craned his neck to follow you with his head. He can’t explain how to feel when he saw how big your smiles and your giggles sounded so good to his ears. Even if he’s a little cautious about this, he couldn’t help but to smile too. He started walking, following behind you like a loyal dog.

Jaeyun didn’t know things will escalate pretty quickly after that. From having new friends, admirers started appearing as well causing his distress. The emotions that are blooming inside his chest are so foreign for him, so new that he don’t know how to react from it.

Even before he can stop himself, Jaeyun already stick his foot and tripped the young boy. He fell face first in front of the other students on the hallway. You gasped, surprised at what just happened. Giggles, teasings and worried remarks errupted around. Jaeyun stood at his ground, face placid as he stare at the guy trying to get back from his feet.

Jaeyun was called to report right away. Of course the minister of upper angels cannot let what he just did to slide. He just flout their rules and it needs to be addressed.

He bows, avoiding to look at him straight to the eyes. He is guilty, but what fascinates him is that he didn’t regret doing it.

“I’m pretty sure you know why we ask you here, right?”

He lifts his head and nods. “I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t know what got into me. It just happened.”

The upper angel didn’t respond right away. He pursed his lips. “Jealousy.”

Jaeyun was left speechless. He doesn’t know what to say or if he needs to say anything. This emotions is not new for him. He heard it before, but he knew angels shouldn't be feeling this.

“Maybe you’re starting to get too attached to your human. It is somehow given as you two basically spend everyday together.” his eyes reflects how confused and worried Jaeyun is.

“But you need to remember that you have to let her go. You are there only to guide them and not meddle with their life.” the upper angel added that left Jaeyun with no choice but to nod his head.

The younger angel was feeling a lot of emotions, chest tightening trying to hold on all of them. He felt sad, ashamed, regretful and some he cannot utterly distinguish. Jaeyun kept his head low in agony. He never felt this way before, its so hefty.

“You must’ve find it hard to deal with it. This is the first time you encounter this emotion anyway. Jealousy is a strong one too.” he claps his hand over his shoulder to send some solace to him.

“But you know what’s stronger?”

Jaeyun lifts his head, he raised both of his brows in anticipation of what’s the older is about to say. His hand kept his hand to his shoulder so he won’t move away.

“Love.” he smiles softly.

The younger was at dazed, trying to process what he just said.

“Don’t be too affected about this small mistakes. Take it as a step to make yourself better.”

Jaeyun stares right through his eyes and nodded his head. Before long he was given a warning for the disagreeable behavior he showed. He didn't complained and accepted it wholeheartedly with awareness of his own actions.

Eventually, he was back to you. Somehow, his sadness subsided at the sight of your peaceful face while sleeping. He smiles and carefully approaches closer. He sighs and stretched his arm to gently caress your face using his hand.

“I’m sorry, princess.” he whispers and turned off your lamp then pulled the blanket to cover you properly.

Jaeyun tries not to do the same mistakes. He smiles whenever you’re happy, pout whenever you’re sad and still help you with small things. He make sure that all he’s doing is not disobeying any of their rules. To prevent himself from getting into more trouble and to serve his main purpose here.

“I like you, Nicholas.”

One afternoon, at the back building, while everyone else aren’t around, you quietly asked him to meet you right here then nervously confessed to the boy right in front of you.

You are unsure if this is the right thing to do or if he will respond the way you wanted him to, but that’s the least you care. It is normal for teens to experience these emotions. They said it’s even a wonderful phase of life where young love may bloom.

Jaeyun’s gaze turns away from where you are. He once again got occupied by this unpleasant emotion he once experience not too long ago. He still didn’t know how to react, but he is certain he ought to stand right there and do nothing.

The boy’s face remains placid as he stares at you without saying anything. Nicholas is pretty much one of the popular boys not only in your class, but also around the whole campus. He’s part of the soccer team, smart, from a good family, well reserved man and he’s very good looking.

You aren’t so bad yourself. A lot of guys admires you too. It isn’t easy to please that’s why not all are privileged enough to gain some of your attention.

Nicholas does, tho. There’s just something about his quiet demeanor that makes your stomach wrench. Some of your friends says it happens when you like someone. This is the first time you’ve encountered it and he does make you blush whenever you two made eyecontact.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

Jaeyun sighs, releasing some of the tension over him. He leans at the wall a little bit far from where the two of you, making sure he’s giving enough distance.

“I have nothing to say.” short and cold. You are surprised to his response. A slight sting bloom over your chest.

Unable to say anything while you contemplate whether you are hurt or humiliated, Jaeyun took steps towards you and protectively cover you with his wings like usual. His dagger like eyes stared right to Nicholas while he stand behind you.

For some reason, you felt warm a some part were lifted, making you feel more at ease. You nodded your head after letting out a sigh.

“A-All right. Sorry for wasting your time.” and you didn’t wait anymore. You turned your heels and left him standing alone.

Embarrassed about it, you silently pray that Nicholas won’t say a word about it to any of your friends. The two of you are at the same circle, mainly why you grew a crush on him. Your group spend a lot of time together these days.

Jaeyun was furious at how obnoxious Nicholas was at you, but he felt relieved that you’re not having boyfriends yet. You on the other hand, felt even more motivated to pursue Nicholas. You aren’t used of losing.

“It’s okay, princess.” he saw you stood right by the corridor, spacing out. He smiles a little and even pat your head.

“You will find someone worthy.”

Jealousy isn’t the only one that Jaeyun will discover. He was stoned at his position one night, heart thumping so loud, cheeks burning and beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

He doesn’t know where exactly to look, his head panning left and right totally unease. He gulped feeling slightly shorten of breath.

Your moans once again errupts around your silent room. It sounded too lewd for Jaeyun to ignore so easily. Seems like not only him discovers things as you are now learned to pleasure yourself alone.

Another soft whimpers echoes through his ears and mind that agitates something bad for him. He gulpes and forcefully turns around in attempt to leave you for tonight. He may have gone away, but the sound and memories of you that night was vividly kept inside Jaeyun’s mind, causing something corrupt to linger in him.

“Come on! I’m sure you know more about the forbidden passage.” Jaeyun’s restless. He’s now with some of the angels, lined up for their daily report.

The other one sighed, finding it amusing how he’s extra curious about that. Jaeyun’s always hyper, but he’s never someone to be like this.

“Fine.” he surrenders and Jaeyun cheers as they both hurry to report then met to spend some free time together.

“Why are you so curious about it anyway?”

Jaeyun tries not to act suspicious about it and just shrugges his shoulder off. “I’m just curious about it.”

“They said the forbidden passage was opened by the first fallen angel. He was known in the kingdom even before the incident because of his heavenly face. His wings were also big and very beautiful, it said it was one of a kind none surpassed it until now. He was an epitome of beauty.” he starts and unknowingly eyes Jaeyun’s big pretty wings behind him.

“He gravely fell in love with a human and exchanged his wings for mortality. Afterwards gave his soul as well to have all the good things that world can offer.”

Jaeyun’s lip gaped at what he’s hearing. Almost everything has tainted the angel’s rules and principles.

“But that’s not all.” he says and pursed his lips, hesitating to tell him what happens next.

“What?”

“They said that despite everything he sacrificed, the girl didn’t returned his feelings. It put him in so much agony and despair, he couldn’t accept it. So the fallen angel exchanged his heart for three unbounded wishes.”

Jaeyun’s breathing slows down at what he heard. He never knew angels can do that.

“Greed took upon him so with no hesitation, he offers his heart, ask for his first wish. And that is to live one last time on earth. You know that once heart was offered for something that doesn’t go along with the will of the almighty, you cannot come back here nor reincarnate. You are to live at the underworld to suffer forever.” the words sent chills over Jaeyun’s body.

The underworld are a place of the unfortunate and sinful. It said to be filled with anger, greed, lust, pain and all that cause suffering.

“What’s his second wish?”

“That the love of his life falls in love with him in the last time he will be alive.” his tone sounded like he felt sympathy for the fallen angel.

“And the third?” Jaeyun couldn’t help, but to ask more.

“It was unknown. Only he knows about it.”

Jaeyun was lost with his own thoughts. All these informations that coming to him are too much to process anything in mind.

“Are you all right, Jaeyun?” he sounded worried for him.

He was quick to pull a smile for him, hiding that something’s bothering him. Hiding that some dark ideas are slowly forming at the back of his mind.

“Yes, of course!”

He nodded, “Anyway, don’t think about the forbidden passage too much. It doesn’t just open to every angel.”

“What do you mean?” the crease over Jaeyun’s forehead deepens.

“Only one that has deep desire can only open the gates.”

He was left stoned at his position. Even after the angel bid goodbye, Jaeyun’s spacing out. He’s thinking about the fallen angel, what happened to him, the sacrifices he did. All of that went to nothing. Is it all worth it? His wings, soul and heart for a one lifetime with the love of his life?

Even if Jaeyun silently admits to himself that the idea of exchanging his wings to live on earth occured to him, he wasn’t that sure if he’s determined to do it. Afterall, it will cost him everything.

But he didn’t know that the answer he was waiting for will come running his way instantly.

It was a dreadful day for you. It was raining heavily, people around you are all wearing black and silently mourning along with you. Your mother died and you couldn’t be more broken.

It happened too fast that you can’t believe any of it. Multiple times you prayed that all of this was just a dream. How can your life turn upside down in a short span of time? This is truly unbelievable.

“M-Mom,” you cried once alone inside your bed. Your slumped on ground at the middle of your room.

“Mom!” you screamed in so much agony.

“Please don’t leave me.” you whispered as tears flows nonstop in sorrow. “I’m all alone now.” you added.

Jaeyun stood a few feet away from you, eyes filled with tears. He’s so hurt seeing you like this. How can the world be so unfair and cruel to someone so pure? It made him question a lot of things. While watching you cry to your limit, broke everything in him. He wanted to do more. He want to hug you, comfort you and tell you that you aren’t alone because he’s there. He will always be there for you.

Jaeyun trudges closer to you. He bent down, feeling every bits of him breaking apart before caging the two of you inside his wings as he cries and stays beside you. He shut his eyes close, fist balled, heart thumped faster. He then realized that he’s useless, he couldn’t even protect you like how he wanted to. Something deep, powerful emotion grew inside of him.

“I’ll be here for you, baby. Always.”

Jaeyun knew he needed to do something. He realized that he couldn’t protect you like this. That guiding you was not enough for him. He needed more. He wanted more.

After crying yourself to sleep, Jaeyun lifts you up and places you over the bed. His desire to be with you somehow dissipates the rules to not physically touch you. It was not allowed, but he could not care more.

He placed a chaste kiss on top of your head. “I’ll be back, princess.” he pulls away and smiles softly. “This time, I will protect you properly.” and he flew back with nothing but the desire of being with you.

Just a step closer to the gate and it opens right away. Jaeyun gulped and halted for a while, not because he's hesitating but because he needs to collect his thoughts. He promised himself that he won’t let greed take over the best of him. He won’t be like the first fallen angel.

He steps inside and the gate closes right away. Inside was a dreamy place, the perfect place to lure angels in. The staircase looked more enticing and at the end of it was a shrine.

“Welcome,” his head snaps over to the side when he heard somebody talked.

There, beside the stairs is a man wearing an all black suit. His hands inside the pockets. Surprisingly, he doesn’t look like how the humans expect fallen angels to look like. He looked ethereal, but there’s a different aura that he’s giving off.

“I’ve already seen you before, Jaeyun.” he says with a smile.

He didn't say anything and just stare at the man. He chuckled like as if Jaeyun did something funny.

“I’m Samael, btw. The gatekeeper for the forbidden passage.” he smirks.

“I want to exchange my wings and live on earth.” he says straight to the point.

The man’s mouth gaped and his eyes sparkles in amusement.

“Oh, someone arrogant. Its been a while since the last one like you.” he steps closer to Jaeyun. “He looked so heavenly too and his wings,” his hands extends near his wings and continues, “they’re pretty too just like yours.

He kept silent and just wait to what the man will say next.

“Let me guess?” he put his hand over his chin and acts as if he’s thinking about something.

“A girl?”

Jaeyun gulped and glanced away. It made the man bark a fit of laughter. Enjoying that he got it right. It isn’t the first time one angel came rushing in for love. Its actually the most common reason why they go here.

“Oh well,” he nods his head. “I won’t delay you anymore.”

He walks back in front of Jaeyun and extends his hand, soon a big knife appears over his hand.

“Are you sure about this? Once done, you cannot take it back.”

Your face flashes through his mind. “I’m sure.”

The man chuckles, amused. He nodded and plays with his knife. “Let me cut your wings.”

He steps closer and Jaeyun shut his eyes as the man cut off his wings. It was very painful, but he didn’t showed any regret. The feeling without his wings are very odd for him. A part of him shatters at the thought of not having them anymore, but the desire to be with you are stronger.

He threw Jaeyun’s wings beneath his feet and smiles evily. “You have to drag these wings up to the top.”

Jaeyun nods and started to climb up the stairs of suffering. It wasn’t easy. Each step he took, he feels like his wings gets more heavier. He was almost out of breath once he arrived by the shrine.

“Easy, right?!” he jolted when the man appeared right in front of him.

“I want to exchange my soul.”

He laughs, “You are really interesting aren’t you?” he crossed his arms. “You do know that your soul serves as your ticket back here.”

Jaeyun nodded. “I want to exchange it.”

“If you say so.” the man moves his hand and something came out from Jaeyun. He trapped it inside his palm with a big grin on his face like as if he just won something.

“Heart?”

Jaeyun shakes his head. It didn’t wipe out the smirk on the man’s face. He nodded again and tilt his head over to the entrance.

When he stood right in front of it, the man was a few feet away from him, watching.

“You remind me so much of him.” he suddenly said.

“Who?” Jaeyun asks, looking over to his shoulder.

“The first fallen angel.”

“I will try my best not to end up his way. I’m nothing like him.” Jaeyun argues.

The man smirks and tilt his head, “Are you now?”

Even before he can respond, something pulls him towards the entrance and he soon fell in a deep slumber. Jaeyun lost his wings and soul, but gained the ability to be with you.

The death of your mother caused a drastic change in you. Yes, you’re slowly coping up but the lost was just too much that you feel like you can never be the same again.

It’s not like you are really alone. You still have your dad. But he’s always too busy with work, unable to really give you the attention you need. The person who was there for you all the time was your Mom, and now that she’s gone, you are beyond heart broken.

Her sweet memories are what kept you going. The dreams you two built together is what pushing you to continue your life despite of a grave lost. You knew your mom will not be too happy to see you crying every night for her. So you try your best to live your life.

It was the second week of your new school year and its a normal day. You are about to rest your head to your table when Jeena came rushing inside your classroom. Her smile so big as she tries to hold her screams.

“What happened to you?”

She stops, catching her breath. “We have a transferee!” she cheers and even fan herself, acting so delirious.

You scoffed and roll your eyes before glancing away. As doing so, your gaze met Nicholas' eyes. He didn’t look away and you aren’t bothered to look away as well. If it wasn’t for your homeroom teacher arriving, the stares will remain.

“Okay, class. Kindly go to your respective seats.” all your head snaps in front and follows what your teacher said.

Jeena still seemed thrilled about it as she couldn’t stay still at her chair. She tugs your arm to pull and whisper something.

“I saw the new guy!” she giggled. “He’s so handsome!” it was impossible to hide the excitement through her tone.

You smirked at her, “Yeah?” no interest can be sensed from you. She pouts and rolls her eyes.

“Promise! I think I just fell in love.” her eyes almost form into these heart shapes that you find somehow hilarious.

Its not like this is the first time Jeena has a crush on someone. She's actually the type to like every good looking guy on your batch. Its also not the serious type, sometimes its just happy crush where she giggles while coming across the hallway.

You didn’t give much thought to it and didn’t realize that your teacher just asked the new comer inside. The class ware fascinated. You heard some of the girls gasps in utter shock, some were left totally speechless. The boys have more chill reactions compared to the girls, but you can see some amusement from them as well.

With full on curiosity, you glanced in front and your lips instantly gapped. Your heart thumped faster and everything seems to be in a slow motion. You can’t explain what you are feeling at the moment. He was dead gorgeous. Black hair that’s a bit longer than the usual hair of guys on your class, puppy-like eyes, pointed nose and plump sinful lips. The words aren’t even capable of describing him in total detail. He was like an angel sent from heaven.

His eyes scanned the whole room carefully and when it met yours, he stopped. Your breath hitched and your lungs feels like its being pressed out of air. His eyes looks so dreamy.

“He’s looking at me! Oh my gosh, y/n.” your head snaps to the side when Jeena spoke.

Suddenly, your blushing cheeks are not because of the guy’s pretty eyes but because you feel embarrassed for actually thinking he was looking at you. Yes, you may be pretty popular to your school but Jeena’s always ahead of you. So if there’s someone he’s eyeing, you bet its her.

You tried to shove off all these thoughts and just proceed on listening to your teacher’s short introduction for the transferee.

The thumping of your heart resumed the moment you met eyes, well you assumed, with the new guy. He’s still looking at your way when you glanced back. You cleared your throat and pursed your lips.

“I’m Jake Sim.” his short introduction made everyone more interested of him.

It’s a little odd for you, tho. His visuals are breathtaking and gives off sweet boy vibes, but his aura and the way he acts says otherwise. You couldn’t really tell how he really is. He’s hard to read.

“Now, his family just moved from Australia so please make sure to make Jake comfortable. Okay?” your teacher reminds and the whole class answered ‘yes’ in unison.

She asked him to sat a few seats away from you then she continues with her lecture. The girl classmates near him started to steal glances at him and even tries to crack a conversation. That made Jeena groan and roll her eyes in envious. Your eyes glanced away from the scene, focusing to the board in front trying to seal whatever that emotion is growing inside your chest.

You have no idea when did it start or how did it happen, but all of a sudden Jake Sim has been the talk of the whole campus. From being the random transferee from Australia to one of the campus crushes. He also started hanging out with your group of friends since most of your boy friends found him cool.

Jeena also seemed to like Jake very much. She’s always around him, vividly show signs that she’s interested and you’re actually surprised by her behavior. She’s never the type to be like this. This is the first time you saw her acting this way.

On the other hand, while everyone finds it easy and normal to interact with him, you don’t. There’s just something with him that makes your every nerves wreck. You cannot even keep your stares at him for a long time. You feel like your heart will burst out from your chest. He just makes you so nervous.

“I’m telling you dude, you’ll totally have fun!” you can hear Jay while you’re walking towards their table.

“Y/n is here!” Jeena shouts that made everyone to your table snap their heads to your direction.

You smiled and it faltered when you saw the one beside her. Jake Sim have his infamous smirk while staring at you, gaze aren’t leaving you even just for a second.

“Hey, Y/n. Practice done?” Heeseung asks and even pushed a chair so you can sit beside him. You smiled brightly and nod your head.

Nicholas is sitting on the other chair beside you and you can feel him staring at you. These days, you’ve noticed how he’s being more attentive of you. It suppose to make you excited about it as he is your crush for a year now, but suddenly he doesn’t seem that interesting anymore.

“You’re late.” he says and even slides a water towards you.

“They hold us for a bit because of club meeting.” you thanked him and get the glass to drink from it.

“OMG! Are you two finally dating?!”

Your eyes snapped towards Jeena when she suddenly screamed. Everyone then started teasing you and Nicholas that made you chuckle a little. Your eyes unconsciously darted over at the quiet boy beside her and your smile faltered.

Jake Sim’s eyes are blank and he looked annoyed for some reason. You have no idea as to why the said boy’s face reflects irritation, but you just chose to ignore it.

“Stop being nosy, Jeena.” Nicholas stated, but there’s a smile over his lips.

“Whatever!” she says and rolled her eyes before going back on talking to Jake.

Your eyes glanced away from the scene and thankfully Heeseung opens up a topic about one subject. The routine remains the same for you. School and friends are the ones that keeping you busy, keeping your mind off from your late mother.

As days passes by, you’ve noticed how Nicholas are starting to open up with you as well. Even if you’re a little confused why he’s suddenly giving you attention, you didn’t give much thought to it and just go with the flow.

But your mind are always occupied by Jake Sim. There’s just something that kept pulling you towards him. You both rarely interacts and most of it was done by him.

“One water and one banana milk, please.” he says one breaktime. Your head lifts when a hand’s giving you a drink out of nowhere.

With confused eyes you look at the person and it was him. “H-Huh?”

He smirks, eyes softening at your cute reaction. “Here,” he places the drink carefully to your hand. “That’s the last one. I know its your favorite.” he says and casually walked away.

You are stoned at your position after the interaction. A lot of questions formed inside your mind. Why did Jake Sim suddenly talked to you? Why did he gave you a drink acting so casual about it? And most of all, how did he know your favorite drink?

These interactions didn’t last there. You don’t know if he’s doing all of it because he wants to be friends with you or he have something else in mind. Not to be too assuming or full of yourself, but you rarely, if not never, seen him being too interactive to others. Usually he just nods, smirks and chuckles lightly with them. Never giving free drinks, carrying lunch trays, helping with school chores and other more.

“It’s still hot,” he stops you from sipping your soup. You blinked, a bit confused.

His eyes stares at you with the usual soft looks on them before he pull your bowl closer to him to cool your soup down. Blush came rushing through your cheeks while some of your friends were left in utter shock. They’ve been noticing this for a couple of weeks already. Nobody just dares to question it.

Jeena started to act cold around you as well. You’ve tried to ask her about it, but she just ignores you. It’s making you so sad. She’s been your friends for years already so you don’t like having misunderstandings with her.

You figured that maybe she’s avoiding you because of Jake, so you started to distance yourself from him. But Jake fucking Sim didn’t understand the assignment, because he makes sure damn well that he is doing things for you. That his presence around you is very well known.

“Let me pay for that.” yet again Jake Sim is here.

You’re at the cafeteria buying a drink for Jeena to try and fix things between the two of you and now the main reason (your guess) of Jeena’s cold treatment towards you is here.

Jake’s hand is stretched towards the lady by the counter and she was about to accept it but you beat her into it. You placed your cash on her palm and shoot glares to the boy next to you. He glanced at you with a furrow on his brows.

“What are you doing?” your tone sounds so accusing.

His eyebrow slightly raised, “Paying for you.”

“But you don’t have to do that!”

“I want to.”

You rolled your eyes and accepted the change from the lady before turning your heels, attempting go get away from him. Jake’s fast reflexes refused to let you leave as he hold you by your arm.

“What?”

“Where are you going?” he asks.

His stares made your stomach wrench and blush flushing your cheeks so you quickly glanced away.

“None of your business.” and you shove his hold off then run away.

Jake smirks, enjoying his effect on you. For him, he can settle with this kind of interaction for the mean time. He’s not rushing anything. What’s important is that he’s here for you everytime.

After taking off, you searched for Jeena to give her the drink you just bought. It wasn’t that hard to look for her since there’s just few places she likes to spend her free times. You smiled at the sight of her and quickly walked closer.

“Hey Jeena,” you started. She glanced at your way and the displease on her reaction made your heart crack a little. Her eyes stares at you blankly as she draws a sigh.

“What do you want?” she sound so uninterested.

“I just want to say sorry.” your lips pursed. “I don’t know what did I do wrong for you to—”

Jeena stood up and she looked extremely pissed. “You don’t know?” her sarcasm lingers over her tone.

She scoffed unamused, “I can’t believe that you’re this kind of person, Y/n.”

“W-What...”

“You know that I like him!” she took a step closer that made you step backward, starting to feel scared of her.

“You know very well I like Jake Sim and yet you seduced him!” her accusations sounded so unbelievable for you. You almost thought that she’s not serious about it, but nerves almost shows on her neck that indicates how mad she is.

“No, I didn’t.” you defended yourself.

“Liar!” she pushed you over your shoulder and you lost your balance.

“I trusted you! I thought you’re my friend!” she says with a tone of disappointment before she kicked the drink that lays a few feet away from you.

She marched away and you’re left in complete trance. The shock from what just happened just disabled you from moving. After finally snapping back to reality, you stood up and went to search again for Jeena.

As much as you feel hurt from what she accused you, you can’t just let her get mad with you. Jeena is your closest friend. She was somehow there for you from time to time. Losing somebody is the least you want to happen again to your life.

You’re about to walk over the corner when you heard a familiar voice talking.

“So that was it?” it was Nicholas.

Your steps halted and your brows furrowed, curious to who is he talking to. But these thoughts were blocked when you heard Jeena’s voice.

“What do you want, Nicholas?”

“You really like that jerk?” a hint of annoyance, disbelief and pain lurks over his tone.

Still confused about what’s goin on, you decided to listen for a bit more.

“And what if I do?”

“Is that why you broke up with me? Because of that asshole?”

Your lips gapped at what he said. This is not what you’re expecting to happen. Nicholas and Jeena? But she knew you like him. Even if you aren’t that passionate about it, you knew she knows you like him.

Jeena groaned, “Why is it such a big deal to you? You’re going for y/n anyway!” she screams and bitterness looms on her tone when she said your name.

Your heart ache after realizing what’s it about. Jeena and Nicholas was in a relationship secretly while you like him. The times when she’s teasing you with him flashes through your mind. While she’s doing that, she was in a relationship with him? You are lost of words.

“I’m only doing that to make you jealous!” Nicholas' voice raised. That was the first time you heard him raise his tone. He’s always the calm type.

Something pricked your heart after what he just said. You may not like Nicholas that way anymore, but to hear such betrayal sure hurt you a lot.

Even before you realize it, someone walks pass by you to go confront them. With wide eyes you followed Jake to try and stop him. It was too late because he already punched Nicholas.

“Jake!” you screamed.

“You fucking fuck!” he looked so mad. His intimidating aura shifts into something more scary.

Jeena looked surprised as well. Nicholas is down at the ground, unable to even fight back. You screams and approached closer to stop Jake before he broke Nicholas' nose. You saw that he throw punches over Jake as well, but he’s stronger than him.

“Jake! That’s enough!” Jeena screamed.

“Get off of me!” Nicholas.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

Your eyes watered because of what’s happening at the moment. You can’t seem to think of anything else but to blame yourself for all of these. Jake even got involved because of you. A part of you felt bad for him.

“J-Jake...” you softly called him.

You aren’t sure if he even heard you, but he stopped so you assumed he did. He craned his neck to look over his shoulder. Your tear stained eyes broke him.

“P-Please, enough.” you added, unable to really talk loudly anymore. Everything is just too much.

He clenched his jaw and like an obedient puppy called by his owner, he stood up and walked towards you. He cupped your face and eyes softens as he scanned you carefully. Your heart aches again at the sight of his bruised face.

“Are you okay, baby?” he asks.

Your soft cries hurts Jake.

“I w-want to leave.” the main intention of why you say those words are unknown, but one thing’s for sure, Jake’s willing to do anything for you.

The following events are blur and the next thing you knew, you are inside the infirmary. Jake’s sitting in front of you, eyes completely fixed at your direction. He’s not saying anything at all so its starting to feel awkward.

Both of you snapped out of trance when the nurse walked closer holding a kit. “Let me put medicine to your bruises, Jake.” she says in her soft voice, matching it with her sweet smile.

Jake’s eyes lazily trailed towards her and the placid look on his face intimidates the nurse making her smile falter.

“Y/n can do that.” he shortly stated and glanced back at you. The sudden eye contact made you jolt and panic a bit, your head turns to the nurse. She’s looking at you with a confused and slight fear on her eyes.

A small smile is what you gave her before you gently reached for the kit then bowed to thank her. She was left with no choice but to leave the two of you alone. Jake seemed pleased after that as his face softens and relaxes while watching you prepare the ointments for his bruise.

The corner of his lips lifts a little as he leaned back using his palms to support himself.

“You s-shouldn’t have done that.” you stuttered and hated it. Eitherway, you tried to keep your cool then focused on the task you need to do. The burning gazes the young man throwing at you are making it hard, but you tried hard to ignore it.

“I want to.” he answered quickly that made your hand stop from rummaging over the kit.

You sighed, calming the rushing beating of your heart. At this rate, you knew being around him is not healthy for you. You feel like this rate of heartbeat can kill you.

When you finally found the courage to face him, your eyes laid only a few seconds on Jake’s affectionate ones. His eyes were already darted at you, like as if anticipating even the shortest contact. His smiles grew bigger after and bit his lower lip, finding you so adorable.

He chuckles that made you narrow your brows and glance at him again.

“What’s so funny?” you fired him that question, a little irritated. The cotton bud that you are holding are near his lips when you lift your gaze to see him with drunken eyes. Half-lidded and with a dangerous grin playing over his luscious lips.

“Its because you’re so far from me. Move closer. I have a lot of room for you.” his husky voice just makes you feel more nervous. He widen his legs, providing enough space between it. Trying to act cool, you sighed and stood in front of Jake. A pleased smile spread across the handsome face of the young man.

“There we go,” he sighs like this is a very fun thing for him. He’s enjoying it. “That isn’t so bad, right?” he whispers that you ignored.

You blinked and tried to calm your heartbeats. It was crazy at this point. Your body feels hot, your heart is racing and your hands are shaking. Jake’s eyes moved from your eyes down to your trembling hands. He felt a sting over his lips when you try to put the ointment, but it didn’t stop him from smirking.

“You’re shaking.” he stated. He lifts his hand and held your hand firmly. The warmth from it transfers to yours, but just made your heart thumped even faster.

“Baby,” he chuckles and caress your hand using his thumb. “relax.” he added.

At the end, you gave up trying to conceal whatever that is that you’re feeling. You groaned and then sighed heavily.

“I’m sorry. Its just you’re m-making me nervous.” you admits and stared at his eyes.

The pleased expression of him didn’t slipped off from you and his eyes brightens.

“Why?” he asked curiously.

Your face flushed and you rolled your eyes at him. “Whatever! Just quit playing around, I’m trying to deal with your bruises.” you let out frustratingly.

You were never comfortable around Jake Sim. It’s very odd even for you because you’ve never been like this to anyone. You’re usually good at making friends and around guys, but with him its just different.

Whenever he’s around, you feel like you’re heart will burst out from your ribcage, your fingers are restless, you can’t even stand eye contact and you can’t take physical touch with him. You’ll feel like you’ll pass out. You’ve liked Nicholas and your friends had introduced you to these feelings, but what you feel with Jake is just way stronger.

“Why are you always mad at me?” his tone does not sound mad or anything. He sounded curious.

“I’m n-not mad at you.” you tried assuring him.

He tilts his head, “Are you sure?”

You glanced at him and nod your head right after. He nods his head, satisfied.

“Then why avoid me?”

“I’m not.”

“Liar.” he smirks.

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m not used to being around you.”

He nods his head and smiled downwards. Your eyes stared, fascinated about his looks. He then smiled brightly.

“By any chance, do you like dogs?” he ask you so randomly which you end up answering with a nod.

“Don’t you think you’re cheating?” Jake didn’t even falter from watching you when Samael, one of the gate keepers of the forbidden passage suddenly appears.

He rolled his eyes, already used to the presence of the said gate keeper. Normal humans unable to see him, but since Jake’s case is different, he’s stuck with him. He’s been showing up from time to time to either give him small hints for things or just tease him around. He kept asking him why he’s showing up but never once he received a definite answer. He just gave up and accepted his random visits.

“You lured her using your dog because you knew very well she used to have one that looked exactly like the dog you just adopted.” Samael stated and even leaned over the railing to watch you play around Layla, Jake’s dog.

“Can’t you see that she’s happy?”

Samael pursed his lips then nods his head in agreement. “Well, good job I guess?” his tone taunting.

Jake chuckles and kept his eyes at you. He invited you in his house and introduced you with his pet, Layla. You’ve fallen in love ever since.

“Jake!” you shouts his name and he waved his hand once.

“Come here!” he nods and jogs towards your direction before Samael disappears into thin air.

For other people, Jake seems to be a cold, mysterious and reserved type of guy. But with you, he’s completely different. He’s very generous with the things he want to share you, he smiles a lot, very gentle, attentive and affectionate.

After getting close with Jake, you started to feel more ease around him. It actually got better. The butterflies in your stomach are still there, but they’re manageable.

Things between Jeena fell apart. Even if you wanted to fix things between the two of you, she already felt distant. Nicholas tried to talked to you, but Jake’s not letting him get that chance. You told him off as well because you don’t want Jake to be pissed that can lead to another brawl.

“How come you just moved here?” you ask one afternoon while you and Jake hangs out to his house.

You’re at their garden, laying on your stomach and him on his back while Layla runs around chasing some butterfly. Jake puts his hand right in front your mouth, offering a grape. He’s smiling so widely.

“I don’t know. Why? You wished you met me sooner?” he asks teasing you.

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks flushed at what he said. A part of you aches and rejoys at that very moment. You knew the lost of your Mom scarred you for life and finding Jake somehow heals you. But no matter how much you hate to admit it, you still feel something’s missing. Your heart stil aches.

You snapped back to reality when Jake’s hand graze gently over your hair, hanging some loose strands to your ear.

“I wished I knew you sooner too.” his words sounded so sincere. His eyes silently communicating to you.

“Thank you for being there when nobody was, Jake.” you told him.

For you, that might mean thanking him for the past months you’ve been spending your time with him. But for Jake, it was the whole duration that he knew you. From when he was an angel, until he’s a human. It tugs something in his heart. He knew he loves you and that he’s down bad for you, but this time he’s sure that there’s no turning back. There’s no more rising from his feelings for you.

“Jaeyun,” he says that made you furrow your brows a bit, confused.

That was the first time he ever said his angel name ever since he stepped foot here on earth.

“Call me Jaeyun, baby.” he added that made your eyes looked so soft, heart thumping along with the beats of his.

“Jaeyun...” you mumbled so gently that almost made him crazy.

A tear formed your eyes before Jake pulls you close to his body, caging you into a tight embrace.

That just made your relationship with Jake even more better. After that you two are inseparable. It’s like there’s already an unwritten message that you two felt the same way and nobody can come between you.

“You should go home now.” you said while still holding Jake’s hand. He walked you home after spending the whole day together.

He smiles, “Go inside first, baby. I’ll go once you’re in.”

You pout that made him chuckle. He pulled you close and kisses you over your temple.

“Go.” he says again.

You are left with no choice but to nod your head and leaned in to give him a swift kiss at his lips. That stunned Jake completely. You flushed when you felt him stiffened. Embarrassed of what you just did, you are about to run home when he grabbed you by your wrist.

“Not so fast,” he says in a low tone. “Baby you can’t just leave after what you pulled.”

He embraced you, nuzzling your neck. Your heart’s beating so loudly that you are sure he heard it. He smiles and slowly pulls away then cups your face. You returned his smile with a flushed cheeks. He leaned making your noses touch and caress it gently before he tilts his head to give you a sweet slow kiss.

Beneath the bright moon, your heart beat got in sync together as a signal of a love blooming between one another. One love that only comes once in a million.

“I love you, Y/n.” he says.

“I love you, Jaeyun.” and you nuzzle over his chest.

The smile over Jake’s lips almost brighten the night. On his way home, he couldn’t stop giggling to himself.

“Your lips will tear off any minute now.”

He jumps in surprise. “Why do you keep showing this way, Samael?” he asked a little mad.

Samael smirked, showing off his dimple. “I’m bored.” he shrugs his shoulder off.

“Don’t you have a passage to guard?”

“Not a lot of angels have that kind of desire to open that gate, Jake.”

He didn’t talk right away so Samael took the opportunity to speak again.

“Aren’t you going to offer your heart?”

Jake furrowed his brows, “No. Why would I do that? Everything’s going well.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Even if he’s a little confused, Jake nods his head and dismissed the gate keeper. He felt bothered, but just ignored it. You and him are completely fine.

Or so he thought...

Because despite of being happy around him. Despite feeling so much joy and contentment around Jake, your heart still felt heavy. Your Dad are mistreating you, only pointing out your wrongs and never giving care towards you. He was always the workaholic type, but this is just too much for you. Its like you don’t have a family.

Your Mom suffered with him, staying in a marriage that are so cold and dull. You are the only reason she stays and now she left you too because your Father, the one who suppose to be the one protecting and keeping your family together, broke it. He had an affair with somebody else and your mother couldn’t take such betrayal so she took her own life.

And now, you couldn’t believe your own eyes when he walked inside your house, a lady linking her arms on his.

“Y/n,” he calls. “This is (name). Your new mom.” he announced that broke you into pieces.

It was like your Dad didn’t care at all. He didn’t care to you or to your late mother. He’s disrespecting not only his marriage, but your own Mom. You couldn’t take it. Your heart that has a hole on it felt like being teared apart once again. Your heart that Jake tries to make whole are being ripped into pieces.

“She’s not my mother.” you said with gritted teeth.

The smile on his face faded.

“She isn’t my mom! And she will never be my mom! Get your bitch out of our house—” your ears ringed when a loud slap was thrown over your way.

Your eyes big out of shock and you’re stonned at yout position. Once recovered, you glared at him. You cursed him inside your mind and swears that he will pay for every pain he had caused you and your mother. So you ran. You run away that cold night.

Your feet hurts from walking mindlessly. It was past midnight and the streets are almost empty. Your head turns and you realized you’re at a bridge. A tear left your eye again after realizing of what you’re about to do.

You quickly fished your phone and dialled the number of the only person that matters to you.

“Hey, baby.” his warm voice made you smile. Tears pool over your eyes at the thought of hurting him so much, but you know there’s no escape.

Even if Jake’s mending the pain, its just too much for you. You wished you knew him sooner because he might’ve saved you. Jake might have lessen the scars. You love him and he loves you.

“Hey. Are you crying?” the worry over his tone just made you cry even more.

How can someone be so pure and genuine?

“I love you.” you said between your sobs. You can hear him from the other line, rummaging through things.

“Where are you right now? I’m coming to you. Stay put, baby.” he says.

You sniffs, “I l-love you so much, Jaeyun.” you mumbled, ignoring his questions.

“Y/n! Where the hell are you?!” his tone starts to panic.

“Thank you so much for everything. You made me happier.”

“Baby! Where—”

“Please tell me you love me.” you cut him off.

Jake’s going crazy already. His hands are shaking, his eyes teary. He doesn’t know what to do or where to start looking for you. He’s never been this scared.

“I love you, Y/n. I love you so much, hmm baby? Stay where you are. I’m coming.”

You smiled, contented of hearing those words from you. Even at the last moments you felt loved. All thanks to Jake Sim.

“Good bye.” and with that you end the call then climbed to the railings of the bridge.

“Y/n!!” Jake screams and tries to free himself from the nurses that are holding him off.

He went straight here at the hospital after hearing the news.

“Please, save her! Please.” he begged, tears streaming down his face.

“We are trying our best, Sir!”

Jake’s fell on his knees, hopeless. He was lost of words, mind’s a mess. Where did he went wrong? Why did you do it? Is he not enough? Are you not happy with him?

He slowly pulls himself back up and stormed outside the quiet parking lot of the hospital. He turns his head like a crazy man, desperately searching for someone.

“Samael!” he calls out.

“Samael!” he screams continuously.

He fell on his knees, crying.

“You call for me?”

His head lifts up, a hint of hope lights Jake’s eyes.

“Y/n will live, right?”

Samael kept his straight face, the usual playful grin on his face was nowhere to be found.

“I don’t know. Base on the records, none survived from that bridge.” Jake’s heart cracks at what he heard.

“She ended her life and you, as a former angel, knew very well that its a grave sin. Only means she cannot be granted another life and her soul will be stuck on the underworld.” Samael says.

“Take my heart.”

Samael stiffened at how fast Jake Sim said that. Without hesitation the young man stared at him straight to his eyes.

“Take my heart in exchange of saving her.” Jake said.

Samael smirks, “I thought you’re not going to be like the first fallen angel?”

“Save her. That’s my first wish.” Jake ignored his taunting question. A tear fell from his eyes.

“Are you sure? Without your heart, you won’t be able to be given another chance to walk on earth.” he reminds him.

“Save her.”

Samael nods and taps Jake’s chest. He grunts in pain and he saw that he was pulling something out from him. As to how he does that without killing him, he don’t know.

“Second wish?”

Jake sighs, “That y/n will live a normal and happy life in her next lives. She deserves to be happy.” he says genuinely.

“Even without you?”

Jake clenches his jaw. “If that means she can be happy without living with pain, then yes.”

Samael nods.

“Last wish?”

“Before I say my last wish, can I go see her first? I know she will be unconscious. I just want to see her one last time.”

Samael was lost of words, and just agrees on what Jake wishes. When they walked back inside the hospital, it was more peaceful. The nurse from a while ago smiles brightly at Jake when she recognized him.

“Sir! The patient is stable now! For some miracle the doctor’s managed to save her!”

Jake smiles warmly, tears streaming over his face. He turned over Samael and nods. He nodded back and just disappeared, giving him time with you.

After the doctor’s made sure that you are all right, you are moved to a more comfortable room. Jake enters and his heart broke at the sight of you full of machine operators around you. He tried to smile, but tears are all over his face.

“Baby,” he whispers and approached your bed to hold your hand. Feeling it so cold just made him even more heartbroken.

“I’m sorry.” he says, kissing your hand so gently.

“This world is too cruel to you. I promise to make it more nicer, okay?” he smiles and kisses you over your forehead.

“I love you so much.”

He stayed that way until he felt a presence by the corner of the room.

“It’s you, right?” Jake mumbles while he brush your hair softly.

“You are the first fallen angel,” he added, referring to Samael.

He cannot see his reaction, but he knew he somehow caught him off guard. Jake slowly trailed his eyes towards him and he saw him leaning over the wall.

“Park Sunghoon, the first fallen angel.” Jake says.

Samael, or Sunghoon as to how the angels used to address him, smirks. “You are really something.” he won’t lie. He did caught him off-guard.

“Well, you caught me.” he says and smirked.

“I’m just curious.” Jake says.

“About what?”

“Your last wish.” his eyes stares at the man full of anticipation. “What was your last wish when you offered your heart?”

Sunghoon smiles faltered for a bit. A hint of sorrow and pain flashes through his eyes.

“My last wish is that the love of my life will manage to find someone that will love her genuinely. A love so strong and pure with no greed and selfishness.” he says and smiled.

Jake didn’t talk right away, but he nods his head. He turns his head to face you. He stares at you lovingly and caress your face gently.

“Does 8 months with her worthy of the sacrifices you did?” Sunghoon asks.

“It was worth it and I will repeat it again in heartbeat if I may.” and he leaned in to give you last one kiss at your forehead, mumbling his undying love for you.

“Last wish, Jake.”

Jake sighs and faced Sunghoon.

“I wished for your heart to be returned so you can have a chance to live again and find true love.”

Sunghoon’s eyes grew at Jake’s wish. The latter smiles and taps his shoulder, still unable to speak a word.

“I can do that right? I can wish for someone else' heart to be returned.”

Jake sighs.

“You deserve to be loved too. Everyone does.” he sighs.

“Good bye, my love. I will love you forever.” Jake whispers and with that, he can feel himself being taken away by somebody. Sunghoon’s eyes watered in utter shock and the last thing Jake remembers is the darkness eating him whole.

Someone’s continuously yanking off his shoulder. Muffled voices were talking nonstop, pulling him off from his deep slumber. Slowly, Jake’s eyes flutter open. Slightly confused and taken aback, he started to wonder where he is.

“Dude, finally!” his brows furrowed hardly at the sight of a familiar boy.

”Heeseung?” his tone came out totally confused.

“Hurry up! We’ll be caught! Mrs. Choi’s furious! We already skipped a lot of practice! Hurry the fuck up!” it says in a panic voice and pulled him.

Even if in complete trance, he lets himself be dragged. Soon, some more familiar faces arrived. Jungwon, Jay, Sunoo and Ni-ki. These are the people from your previous life. But why are they here? Jake starts to wonder if he’s dreaming. Are they even allowed to dream back on the underworld?

“Fuck! We’re fucked! Hurry up!” Jungwon cursed and pushed pass those students so they can arrive the theater faster.

Upon arrival, Jake noticed that the stage was perfectly designed. His heart falters at the familiar scenery. It was the forbidden passage. But how...?

“Fascinating, isn’t it?”

Jake head turns when he heard a familiar voice.

“S-Sunghoon?”

His famous smirk flashes over his face, “If you’re going to ask me how did it happen, I can’t answer that. If you’re asking if this is true, yes.” he chuckled and put his hands inside his pockets. He’s wearing the same uniform as Jake and it isn’t the same ones from your previous school.

“You are alive. Again.” he says, and Jake rests his hand over his chest to feel his heart thumping lively.

“Then where is—Ow!” he grunted when he felt pain over his head once hit by something.

Now Jake’s sure that this isn’t a dream.

“Where were you, Jake Sim?! You are already punished because you cut class too much!”

Jake’s eyes widen and he turned around to face you. He couldn’t believe his own eyes. In front of him stands a fuming mad y/n. Yes, your hair may be a little different and the way you dresses, but its you. His heart thumped like crazy at the sight of you, like a puppy getting excited at the sight of its owner.

“Baby,” he mumbles and quickly pulled you into a hug.

He then yelped in pain when you pinched him over the sides, “Don’t you dare try to woo me with your sweet words!”

“Ow, that hurts!”

“Dude, is she not my girlfriend?” Jake asks Sunghoon who's smirking.

He scoffed, “She is. But you’re kind of a troublemaker so she’s really pissed off.”

“Kind of?! KIND OF?” your voice raised at what Sunghoon said.

The latter jolts as well and even straighten his back nervously. “You are lucky I managed to convince our drama club head to let you play the main lead in exchange of not expelling you.” you told Jake.

You seemed very mad, but the smile on Jake’s face aren’t fading at all. He looks at you with full affection and genuine longing.

“I love you, y/n.” Jake.

You blushed but you try hard to keep your angry face. “I love you too, but I’m still pissed. Go down and start rehearsing!” you screamed and starts to push him towards the stage.

“What is the play even about? I forgot.” Jake reasons out that irritated you even more.

“It's about the first fallen angel, you dumb!”

Jake groaned, “Who am I?”

“The fallen angel.”

He couldn’t believe what's happening right now as he continues to whine at you. Sunghoon puts his hands inside his pocket while watching the scene silently. A small genuine smile spread across his face.

He doesn’t know if the concept of angels keeping their memories even if they became human is a good thing. Because despite of living again, they carry the guilt of commiting a grave sin. Sunghoon’s fine along with it as he knew this is what makes himself whole. His silent plea of forgiveness and desire to be loved will always be with him.

“So you did find the person that will love you purely and genuinely, Y/n.” he sighs. “My love.” he whispers.

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[snowdrop-ivy]

Chasing the Clouds: A Journey Back to The Beef | 1

Summary: Mikey left the restaurant to Carmen, Natalie, and you.

Trope: Second chances

T/W: Cursing, unresolved mental issues, trauma, suic!de, angst, and smut.

Word count: 4695

The sound of the alarm woke Carmy. 4:00AM. He had this dream on how things were a year ago, how he was in a different place being berated by the head chef. The time he always woke up everyday since he decided to move and leave everything behind. He waited for the alarm to finish to listen to the voice very familiar to him. He sat up on his bed and lit a cigarette before heading to sit in front of the window to look at the city lights Chicago has to offer him. There were little sounds he could hear that bothers him. The sound of the train. Kids laughing at the street. And your voice. The message you left him before cutting him off completely for bailing on you. Carmy played it one more time, as close to his ear as it can get.

Hey…

I know you're off and I know you can hear this so I'm just gonna say this one last time.

I miss you.

I miss how we used to be. How we used to be friends. How you and I would stay up and talk about everything. I know things got messed up when you left but I think what you don't know is you also left me. For no fucking reason. And the craziest thing is that I trusted myself you wouldn't do that. That you would not bail on me like your brother did to you but you did. 

But you did… You fucking did it, Carm. And I still miss you. Every fucking day and I wish I can lock our memories in letters and drown myself in ink of you. God, I can fill empty canvases with your paintings because all I fucking see is you. But then I realized that after that, life's too fucking short to dwell on it. So if you want us to stay that way, that's okay. We'll each have the chance to be happy on the things we like and the person we love. And that's what I'm gonna do also. And hey? If you don't want to. That's okay too. I'm moving on, B.

So… This is the last time I'll chase you. Not because I got tired but because chasing you is like chasing the clouds.

I hope you become the best of what you really want. 

Bye, B.

Carm clenched on the phone in his hand as he listened on the voicemail you left 5 years ago. He still gets updates of you from Rich and Sug. But that was it. You really meant what you said. And he blames himself for it. And the hole in the wall on his apartment when you left him that message. He knows what he did but also he, himself, doesn't know why he did it. Why he thought leaving you would be a great fucking idea. 

He got up from his seat and got ready for work. Mikey left the business for him, Sug, and you to take care of. He thought that after Mikey passed away he would get a glimpse of you but nada. He got to the restaurant and stayed in his office. Or what used to be Mikey’s. He took a look at the bills with red stamps that said they’re past due dates and sat down. He got out and took a look at the kitchen, the bar, and the dining area. All of it reminds him of his brother. Of you. Or what he thinks the things you redid. Carm knew that you managed the restaurant before he passed away. Mikey told him that whenever they got a chance to talk. How you convinced Mikey to switch mayos, chairs, and cutlery. The crew came in and Carm decided to close the restaurant for the day to clean it. Every fucking inch of it, they cleaned, wiped, moped, washed dishes. Carm was hanging the penalty they got from the CBH since the restaurant does not comply with the sanitary standards. He heard a knock on the window and saw Uncle Jim. They sat by the window. Unc asked him how the restaurant’s been.

“And then you know, the produce bill is due, you know,” Carm answered pointing at the window. “And the power comes in and I can’t build enough of a parachute. Even if we got this place packed, that’s only like a week of survival cash.”

Unc sighed. “Exhausting listening to this.”

Carm knitted his brows, confused. “You ask me what’s goin on.”

“No,” Unc waved his finger. “I asked you where you’ve been.”

Carm tilted his head to the back. “You’re looking at it. This is where I’ve been,” He sighed and leaned on the chair.

“Carm, this place is bullshit,” Unc told him. “Right? I mean, you’re never gonna fix it. You can’t start at fucked. You understand that, right?”

He sarcastically chuckled. “Then why’d he leave it to me? Or Natalie? Or even your daughter for God’s sake.”

Unc sighed and looked at the window. “She’s doing good, by the way.”

“Who?” He asked like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Don’t fuck with me. You know who?” 

They looked at each other before chuckling.

“She’s got a job in San Francisco as a head nurse but she still got her photography gig as a hobby. You should see her photos, Carm,” Unc amusingly said with sparks in his eyes and wide smile.

“Yeah?” He answered. “You must be proud then?”

“Of course,” He laughed. “She’s making me proud since the day she was born”

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x fem!reader #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto au #carmen berzatto imagines #the bear fx #the bear

[iheartyouyou]

Kill Bill | Tate Langdon

Summary: Tate randomly breaks up with you, moving on with Violet. It sucks, because you’re a ghost too, stuck in the house forever with a broken heart. But luckily there is a way out. Or is there? (Loosely based on the song “Kill Bill” by SZA.)

Word count: 1.6k

Part two: here

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death & suic*de, not proofread and probably more (sorry!)

Author’s Note: I’m obsessed with SZA’s new album and I’ve been wanting to write for Tate for a while, and so what better way than to write some angst? Anyways, please leave feedback! <3

You frown as you stared at the new couple— Tate and Violet— from the window, holding hands as you heard their muffled laughter. Tate was holding a candy bucket, they just got back from trick-or-treating.

That was supposed to be your guys’ thing, not their thing. It was the one day you could leave this shit hole— Tate promised he would take you trick-or-treating after you confessed to him you’ve never been.

Tate broke up with you not too long ago after dating for 11 months and 13 days. You guys couldn’t even make it to your one year anniversary. You guys would’ve, if it wasn’t for him.

It started with him acting distant, making up excuses and running away from you. Then after two weeks of not seeing or hearing anything from him, he dumps you. He shrugged it off as if it were nothing, as if he didn’t convince you to take your own life and spend the rest of eternity with him.

And now he had a new girlfriend— Violet Harmon. Her family had moved in a little bit ago, Violet immediately catching Tate’s attention.

It’s funny how the same thing happened with you. You wondered if it was a endless cycle, you wondered if the same thing would happen to her.

You hadn’t officially met her yet— deciding to stay in the shadows, she seemed sweet, but you just couldn’t help but hate her.

The couple made their way inside the house, the steps becoming closer and closer. You froze, becoming unseen.

“You know what we should watch?” You heard him ask Violet, the both of them stepping into her room before closing the door.

You came closer to the door, placing your ear against it to hear their conversation.

“Tate, I’m gonna gain like 10 pounds if I eat all this.” Violet said, giggling.

“Well, if I eat this half you’ll only gain 5.” He offered, slight amusement in his voice. He leaned forward, capturing her lips.

You back away from the door, hearing all that smooching and how they were definitely making out made you sick to your stomach.

You run to the nearest bathroom, puking.

-

“My dad’s not here.” You heard a voice from behind you, startling you.

It wasn’t just a voice, it was her voice.

You hesitantly turn around, facing Violet. She looked at you expectantly, eyes squinted. You shrunk under her gaze, breaking eye contact.

“H-he’s not?” You asked.

“No. He’s not. I can leave a message for hi—“

“No! I mean— uhm— no. It’s okay, I’ll have my mom call him or something.” You say, finally looking up at her.

“Who let you in anyways.”

“Moi— the maid. Or housekeeper— whatever you call her. She let me in.” You spoke, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Oh.” She mumbled, looking around. You look away, trying to think of a way to get out of there. You could just simply disappear— you were a ghost— but you didn’t want to expose yourself.

You weren’t a patient of her Dad’s, but after snooping around you found out that Tate was. You didn’t think anyone was home, trying to take a peek at his file. Too bad little miss perfect caught you, huh?

“So, what are you seeing my dad for?” She asks, causing you to look back at her. You open your mouth, a response on the tip of your tongue before it dies away, the hickey on her neck becoming your new focus point. Your face falls.

She furrows her eyebrows, placing her hand on her hip. “Uhm… are yo—“

“Tate. He’s the one who gave you that hickey, right?” You blurt, your eyes flickering back to hers.

As if her eyebrows can furrow any further, they do, her hand quickly coming up to cover the hickey.

You scowl, her suddenly becoming the one who couldn’t keep eye contact. “H-how— wha—“

“Be careful around him, or you’re just gonna become one of his victims.” You snark, storming off before disappearing.

You didn’t mean to lash out, you just couldn’t help if. It wasn’t fair. How come he gets to move on? How come he gets to leave you in the dust? How come you’re stuck in this house for eternity, your heart shattering every time you saw or heard of him. You couldn’t even remember the last time he spared you a glance.

Fucking bastard.

And how badly you wanted to kill him and his new girlfriend. Too bad he’s already dead and if you kill her, you’ll be doing him a favor.

-

When you’re a ghost stuck in a house for eternity, there’s really nothing to do. You’ve read every single book in this house at least a hundred times, visited every part of this house at least a million times, and probably more.

Tate never let you talk to the other ghosts, mainly Chad and Patrick.

Since you’re a ghost stuck in a house for eternity, struggling to get over your ex boyfriend, you needed advice.

“Oh honey, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” Chad announced, eyeing you up and down as you entered the room. Patrick turned, scoffing. “What you want?”

“I need…” You cringed at yourself, before shaking your head. “Never mind, sorry.” You spin around, getting ready to leave before they stopped you.

“Come on, we don’t bite. You obviously came here for something, your boyfriend trying to plot some revenge or someth—“ Chad started.

“No— we actually broke up. That’s what I came here for. He’s dating that uh, new girl.” You interrupt, head low.

They both stay silent, sharing a knowing look before staring back at you. “Violet? Jesus— she’s a pain in my ass. She’s so loud at night, I’m surprised her parents haven’t said anything. She sounds like a dying cat when she moans.” They both laugh.

You flinch, you’ve heard her moaning too. That’s why you stayed in the basement at night.

“Uhr— yeah. I know you guys don’t like Tat—“

“We don’t like both of them, hun.”

“Okay, both of them, but I need your guys’ help. Look, I know we may have had our differences and stuff… but I’m desperate.” You beg, looking between them.

You watch as Chad raises an eyebrow, Patrick pressing his lips inti a straight line before motioning for you to come over. “Fine, but you’re gonna owe us.”

-

You hum a soft tone, rubbing your eyes as you made your way down to the basement. You round the corner, eyes almost bulging out of your head as you spot the blond mop of curls by your makeshift bed.

“What are you doing?” You ask harshly, rubbing the last bit of sleep from your eyes before staring at him.

“Have you been sleeping down here?” Tate asks softly, ignoring your question.

“What are you doing here?” You repeat yourself, taking a sharp inhale as he finally turned around.

“What are you doing with that gay couple? I told you to stay away from them Y/N, they’re not safe.” He says, taking a step towards you. You take one back, shaking your head.

“They’re nice actually. You know they have names, right? Chad and Patrick.” You snark, staring up at him.

“I don’t care. Stay away from them— Violet too. You spooked her.”

“‘Spooked her’? I was just telling her the truth.” You say.

He sighs, rubbing his temples. “Just— don’t ruin this for me. Kay?”

“What? I’m not gonna ruin your stupid fucking relationship, Tate. Go be happy with her, I don’t care. I’ll leave your girlfriend alone, okay? Now can you go? I’ve had a long night.” You sigh, giving up as your shoulders drop.

You push past him, making your way to your bed.

“Why are you so jealous? She makes m—“ He starts.

“I’m not jealous!” You shout, eyebrows furrowing. “You wanna know why I was talking to Chad and Patrick? Because we’re planning to dig up my bones and bury me in some graveyard. Just far away from you. So, now you and your girlfriend can be happy! I’ll most definitely leave the two of you alone.” You finally admit.

You almost wish you didn’t say that when you looked up, seeing the pained expression on his face. “Wha— how do you even know about that?!”

“Moira.” You mumble, shifting your weight onto one foot.

“Moira? God damnit— look, Y/N, you c-can’t leave. I won’t let you!” He announced sadly, eyes glistening in light from the window above.

You clench your fists, anger bubbling up inside you. “I’m stuck here for eternity! Tate— this is like hell for me! You have no right to choose this choice for me.”

“Hell? You think it’s hell here?” He practically whimpered, frowning.

You stay quiet for a few moments, sitting on the edge of your makeshift bed. “Yes. I’m leaving, wether you like or not. Can you leave me alone now?”

It feels like the wind just got knocked out of him, dropping to his knees as he wraps his arms tightly around your legs. “You can’t— please. I’m sorry, please don’t leave me. You’re a-all I have. I love you, I love you so much—“ He begged, tears flooding his cheeks as his grip on your legs got impossibly tighter.

“Please don’t leave me. If Violet’s the problem I can get rid of her! Her family too— I can get rid of anyone or anything that’s the problem, okay? If I’m problem I can leave you alone! You’ll never see me again— please, I promise, i p—“

“Go away, Tate.” You say softly, wiping your eyes before any tears could start. He stops, eyes widening as he looks up at you in tears. “NO! What? No! Please!”

You look away, not having the strength to look at him. “Go away.”

And he listened.

#tate langdon imagine #tate langdon x reader #tate langdon #ahs #ahs murder house #violet harmon #tate langdon angst #tate langdon ahs #evan peters #evan peters x reader #angst #fanfiction #imagine

[kaiso-woo]

Just Stay.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　

-> Masterlist

PART 1 of my ‘Stay Series’ - a long hypothesised journey of a relationship between Bang Chan and Reader.

WC: 6.8k | Overall ‘Stay Series’ Synopsis: Bang Chan experiences the suic!des of Stays, so when you lot choose to die, he dies right along with you. Reader is the “antidote” to this condition.

Notes: Second Person Narration, Skz Fluent in English, Swearing, CaféOwner!Reader, Fem!Reader, Idol!Chan, Barista!Chan, Suic!de (Strong Descriptions), ANGST (LITERALLY EVERYWHERE, NO NEED TO SQUINT), Fluff (At the End)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺

PART 1

!!Casual reminder this is entirely fictitious - Chris/Christopher in my work does not represent the actual Bang Chan - this is purely my imagination and nothing more - this goes for all other SKZ-Members too!!

-

What should you do when you witness the end of a life? Cry and wallow in the darkest corners of disconsolation? Feel your heart shatter, a million fractals of sharply glittering reflections exploding in a mere fraction of a second? Some believe time is nothing more than an illusion though – so should you instead decide to lie on your bed, a place of restless solace, and stare up at the empty ceiling?

If this were the case, could you then be compared to a lonely garden gnome, fated to ponder life’s every aspect through a single perspective? Would you shrivel away from the light, choose to accept the pitiful concept of simply existing and allow your garden to wither; green to grey, flesh to bones, petals to stems? Perhaps your coping mechanism is to simply scream. Shut the doors. Close your blinds. Block your ears. Scream. Dry your eyes. Breathe…

Scream.

He does none of those. Instead, his eyes flutter closed momentarily, chest heaving, hands shaking, before he pulls himself away and picks up the computer mouse again. They’re becoming more frequent, or maybe he’s becoming more attune to them.

He doesn’t witness these deaths, exactly. He feels them; what it’s like to have the frigid wind tug at your hair, howling in your ears, the moment of impact with the blistering ground causing him to flinch violently, hand clamped over his mouth in a desperation to quell any yell; what it’s like to have your vision swim, blotting in and out of darkness, your throat constrict as though a pressure is forcing its way from inside out, desperate, erratic gulps for sweet sweet oxygen achieving nothing; what it feels like to stand there, shivering, your heart rate increasing tenfold, breaths quickening to mere pants, as you will every instinct in your body to remain still – ‘do not move’, you think, ‘it’ll be over soon’, you remind yourself, ‘the lights are closer now, and they’re fast, they won’t stop’.

How dearly he wishes for them to stop. 

He’s better at dealing with them now, definitely more subtle. The panic that envelopes him every time he realises something is about to happen however, will never leave him. He’ll drop what he’s holding, frantically disappear into one of the empty rooms in the company building, lock the door and rake a hand through his hair. The number of times the stylists have grumbled at him for messing up his styled hair is limitless, but he doesn’t care, why should he?

The studio door clicks open, and his head snaps to the sound. Immediately, he attempts to steady his breath, and pulls his expression into his signature straight smile :] as Jisung enters the room, a plastic bag filled with takeaway containers in his hand.

“Eh? What’re you doing here…?” Chan grins, his eyes widening dramatically. Swiftly, he swipes his computer mouse to the top of the screen to check the time.

2.23am

“It’s so late Jisung, were you practicing choreo?” he continues, hitting save on his keyboard so he doesn’t accidentally delete his work while distracted. “I brought you food,” Jisung mumbles, lowering it onto the coffee table and carefully unpacking it all. Chan’s mouth begins to salivate excessively as the smell of chicken wafts towards him, but he rubs his face and resists the urge to sit down with Jisung and eat to his heart’s content.

Jisung plucks a drumstick from the box, “Why are you working here alone?” he questions, a sad pout on his chubby cheeks as he wanders over to the computer, careful not to drop any crumbs. Chan shrugs, hoping it’ll satiate Jisung’s concern. 

It doesn’t, of course, and his pout morphs into a small frown. Jisung tries to shove the chicken into Chan’s mouth, offering it to him demandingly. “You eat, you eat,” Chan waves it away and turns back to his computer, “You wanna listen? I think it’s almost finished, something’s just not right with the auto tune… I think. It sounds off,” he picks the headphones off the desk and holds them out for Jisung, who has taken a bite of the chicken happily and is munching away. Again, he tries to give Chan the chicken drumstick, and refuses to take the headphones until Chan is eating the chicken.

As Jisung listens to the song, Chan’s mind drifts back to the corners of his thoughts, the shadows that have been swirling there for a long while now. He doesn’t know when it first began, doesn’t want to remember it to be honest. He was in his room, dozing off into a comfortable sleep, the purple LEDS providing a soft glow to the darkness. 

-

It was abrupt, swinging into him out of nowhere, but he sat bolt upright, hands grappling with the sheets desperately. His vision swam, and he retched on dry air. He groaned and keeled forwards, hands suddenly clutching his chest as it tightened painfully – corkscrewing into his heart, but at the same time it was as though someone was trying to pry it open. He retched again, and he regretted in that moment that he had chosen purple to light his room earlier. The colour was making his head pound, his belongings swimming in and out of his vision, worsened by his unstable swaying.

In a panic, he crawled over to the side of his bed. Then with a last hacking cough, he vomited onto the floor, the acrid taste on his tongue causing him to recoil, the stinging burn in his throat making his eyes water. Not that it mattered. He couldn’t see shit anymore. A dry sob escaped his lips, as he desperately tried to fumble for something to ground him back to reality. He saw speckles – grainy, fuzzy, surreal. 

The world tilts, and maybe he falls off the bed too. And he’s gone.

-

“It’s not the auto tune effect – it’s the timing of the bridge,” Jisung drags Chan back to reality, his head bopping slightly to the music. Chan blinks and scoots aside to allow the younger to fiddle with the computer mouse, rewinding the audio so he can listen again. Chan is finishing off the chicken drumstick, so he hums in acknowledgement instead to Jisung’s feedback. “Yeah, it’s the bridge. The vocals need to be delayed a little,” Jisung concludes, “Want me to fix it up?”

In the silence of the room, Jisung pulls over another chair and gets to work. Chan watches him contentedly for a while, happy to absorb himself in the clicking and tapping of his first child’s proceedings - watching him edit and perfect the track they’ve been working on for the past few months. Jisung glances at Chan, his concentration breaking, “You’re unusually quiet.”

Chan reaches over and squeezes his shoulder comfortingly, “Just thinking.” “Right... well, eat more. And then go to bed,” Jisung insists, briefly squeezing the hand on his shoulder in return. Chan sighs and hoists himself out of his chair, sinking back onto the couch so he can easily dig into the food. “Thanks mate,” he mumbles, and when the man makes no move of acknowledgement, Chan smiles softly and nibbles on some more chicken.

-

He woke that time, on the floor of his bedroom, dangerously close to the stinking heap that was his vomit. His head pounded, a dull ache ringing in his skull as he mustered all his strength to simply stand up and pull over the blinds.

“What the fuck was that?” He groaned, resting his head on the window and basking in the warmth of the early morning sun, so comforting, so full of life – a steady presence. After he spent the next ten minutes gathering his wits and cleaning up the mess, he brushed it off as food poisoning; maybe something in the food Hannah cooked last night (he’d never tell her that, of course).

On another day, in another place, maybe a few weeks from then, he had returned to Korea, jumping straight back into his busy schedule. They were in the middle of an interview, not the first, and certainly not the last. In hindsight, he was thankful he had chosen to stand in the back row. At first he thought he merely needed to cough, a ticklish sensation wrapping around his throat, a ghost of a hand caressing his neck. He swayed dangerously when he felt it tighten harshly, so suddenly, and his heartbeat escalated, his legs becoming jelly. 

His head snapped back as his whole body teetered over the edge of the platform he was standing on. A searing pain blazed across his neck for a second, causing him to grapple with it in shock. Changbin grabbed his arm at that point, preventing him from completely falling over backwards.

“You okay?” he whispered, careful not to draw too much attention to the pair, professional as always. Chan corrected himself and tried to control his breathing, forcibly inhaling and exhaling through his nostrils. He pulled a face, his eyes wide, and waved his arms a little, “Thanks. Almost lost my balance there.”

Throughout the rest of the interview, he remained silent, thinking hard. What just happened? And why did it feel like… he had just been… hung?

It took him months to string two and two together, months of spontaneous moments of death, in which he remained alive. He’d be drowned countless times, be stabbed infinitely, shot in the head, electrocuted, run over by train… after train… after train, until he fully accepts that these were all connected.

As time wore on, he began to hear things too, inner monologues he supposed, of their voices. He figured if this condition, whatever it was, lasted long enough, he’d soon be able to see it too.

-

Stay. Just stay. Stay’s. It’s you. You’re not staying. He was burning in the middle of a fire. That much was obvious by the scorching pain on his skin, brutal enough that he just wished he couldn’t feel. He screamed into the couch pillows, knowing full well that the studio was soundproof, but paranoid all the same that any of his members would hear him. 

‘Thank you Stray Kids, for everything.’ 

Stay. He couldn’t tell at this point whether the pain was his or from the person who was dying. Both, perhaps. All this time, the people who were dying, the people who were killing themselves, were Stay’s. Or maybe this time was a coincidence, maybe this person just happened to be a part of the fandom.

It wasn’t though. 

More and more often, in the midst of some version of death, he heard thoughts, whispers:

“You got me this far Stray Kids.” “Skz you’re my everything.” “Keep fighting Stray Kids.”

“Chan, I love you.” “Thank you Chan.” “Life was good thanks to you, Chan.”

Fuck. This. Shit.

Stay.

-

His members were either dense, playing dumb or he was an incredible actor and the sneakiest being on all of planet earth. He had no idea how he had managed to hide this, for so long, and not hear a peep out of any of them.

Sure, he attributed his puffy eyes (from tears) to a lack of sleep, or too much time in front of a computer screen. Maybe his lack of sleep could be contributed to insomnia, not that he genuinely didn’t want to sleep with the fear that he might wake abruptly to a strangling death. Again.

More recently, in an attempt to be more cautious, when that panic settles in - a familiar feeling of fear, 'I can do this. I'm going to do it. I want to die. Do I want to die?' - he'd excuse himself to the bathroom.

“Chan hyung’s gone to the bathroom.” – posts Hyunjin.

Yeah. To die.

-

He yawns, stretching as he returns to the studio from a genuine bathroom break. He’s excited to return to his work; a sample he’d stumbled across waiting to be incorporated into a new song. After he shuts the door, he checks the time on his phone.

There’s an hour and a half until 12am– he needs to do Chan’s Room soon too, it’s Sunday. He was comforted by Chan’s Room, to see so many Stay’s on his lives, thankful to have them there, rather than at the top of a building, or sinking at the bottom of a river. He decides that the sample can wait – it’s saved anyway.

He flipped his black hood over the top of his cap, carefully adjusting it so it was presentable, and began to set up the live. He had a few songs in mind that he’d play for you all but was really hoping you’d contribute to the song suggestions too. He smiled, and he laughed, and he danced along to the songs, joyously reading your comments and responding with enthusiasm despite it getting later into the night.

Then the mood shifted when his eyes skimmed over a particular comment. He froze, and his bubble of security popped. He wasn’t sure if he had managed to blot you out, or if the fear had only crossed through after you had sent that message, but he was positive that the person who typed the question, was the person currently pressing a knife to his heart – a small, sharp prick on his chest.

Chan inhaled sharply and swivelled in his chair, “Yeah don’t… don’t hurt yourself, yeah?” The chat exploded with questions and comments, wondering why he was bringing it up and offering words of comfort. The sharp pain on his chest receded slightly, but the fear was still there, the emotional pain ever present. “Just because you have a lot of stress, it doesn’t mean that you have to relieve it by hurting yourself.”

There. Same user. New comment. ‘Your future isn’t worth living for’? Bullshit.

“If you think about the future… it’s best to just keep away from that and find different ways of relieving stress.” Self-consciously, he fiddles with his hoodie drawstrings and swivels in his chair again, desperate to hide the panic flicker across his features briefly. The knife was back.

“You never know what’s going to happen in the future. Something might go wrong, then there might be a turning point and then- from then on you feel really, really regretful,” he’s rambling at this point, thoughts unhinged, spluttering and mixing like mush in his brain. He just needs to get you to stay. 

He takes a deep breath, and drills his eyes into the camera, pleading with what little he could offer, “If you really, really can’t help it or if you really just don’t know what to do or you’re really- really lost, as I’ve always said,” he smiles, eyes shimmering, “come here; look for me, ask me, talk with me.” He waits, praying, fiddling his thumbs below the desk.

And the agonising feeling fades, leaving him deflated, relieved.

“I’ll try my best to relieve your stress,” he concludes, then spreads his arms wide. He knows Stay didn’t ask for it, but he was offering one of his hugs more for himself than them.

-

His relief would be short-lived. He can’t save everyone.

-

I guess, it’s about time I introduce you. You, not as one of those who have given up. Not as one of those who have caused Chan’s suffering. I introduce you, as simply you. You, who carefully pulls your keys out of the café door. You, who draws down some of the shutters with a soft smile. You, as wonderful, loving, bubbly you.

You make your rounds around your haven, your café. It’s a combination of everything you could possibly imagine to be creative. It’s been your dream to create a safe hub for the public that incorporates a library, a café, study area, art studio, computer labs, rehearsal room and even a recording studio.

Pets were welcome, of all kinds, as long as they wouldn’t fight with each other, and you were open from 7.30am in the morning until 1am the following day.

If anyone fell asleep studying, working on music or reading, you’d leave them where they were and pull out the blankets you kept in storage. The policy for this was simply a bond of trust. Customers could stay working for the night as long as they didn’t mind watching you drift around in the morning in your bedhead and PJ’s, slowly beginning to set up for a new day.

You would always offer them a morning hot chocolate, coffee or tea, free of charge, but more often than not, they’d leave their money on the counter when you turned away, refusing to let you best them in a game of generosity.

Books could be borrowed, studios and study rooms booked, pets left in the backyard day/night day care. Equipment was supplied in all the rooms, instruments for loan, computers to log into, art tools for perusal. The rule for these? Don’t break them. If customers break them, they pay for them.

If something run’s out, let you know. You only offered the basic necessities anyways, so you restocked them yourself. Anything else customers bring for themselves. It was safe. It was cosy. It was yours. Yours to give. Admittedly, you still had to pay off the loan you took out to set up the place, and if time grew short you were considering shutting down the recording studio – it was the least used area. 

You pushed the last few stray chairs in as you considered whether to make yourself a final cup of tea before settling down in your apartment upstairs. There were two people currently dozing in various locations of Café Studio, one of whom was a regular. A third customer was sipping the last dregs of his coffee, watching your humble movements out of the corner of his eye. 

“Mind if I call it a night on one of your couches?” he asks, scraping back his chair to place his mug on the counter by the coffee machine. That’s James. James fucking Jamison. Always here for whatever reason, never not here, where you wanted him to be. You withhold a sigh and the temptation to pinch the bridge of your nose, “Yeah, go for it. You know the drill.”

You welcome all customers, all are valuable guests. Except for him. He just won’t take a hint.

He saunters idly over to you, hands in his pockets, and clears his throat, “So… are you sure you won’t be free any time this week?” You can feel his eyes drilling into your back and scrunch your nose distastefully, pulling out your phone as if to check something, “I can’t, I run this place.”

He’s still staring at you, so you whisk your earphones out from a pocket in your apron and plug them into your ears. It doesn’t take you long to press shuffle on your playlist, and immediately your current favourite song begins to play, as if it knows exactly what would help you through this situation, or maybe they knew. 

“What if you just shut the place down for the day?” he asks with an awkward laugh, running his hand through his hair dramatically. So cool. You roll your eyes and turn around to face him, internally dancing to the song in your ears. You give him a once over, genuinely considering him, “I can’t shut down my only source of income for a day.” “Even for-”

“Especially not for you.” The two of you stare at each other and you can sense that somewhere in those blue eyes of his, you’ve angered him. He’s not pleased, and he never has been with your constant rejections, but so far he hasn’t tried anything. He would be stupid to do so, with surveillance cameras set up everywhere and two customers sleeping not far away.

Go kill yourself.

You wince as sharp pain crackles across your forehead, “Sorry what?”  James blinks at you quizzically, his sizzling demeanour vanishing at your confusing outburst. “I didn’t say anything.”

Go. Kill yourself.

You hiss, hand clutching your forehead, and stumble into the nearest table. James is onto you in a second (“Woah there”) trying to support you, when the table was doing just fine. “Back off,” you snap, pushing him away, which causes you to stumble back into the window, the last one without its shutter pulled down, “and shut up.” Again, he blinks at you, ever the stupid dolt he is.

‘Heh… funny.’ Why’d I say that?

Desperately, you swivel and press your forehead to the cool of the glass window, groaning in agony. The music playing in your earphones becomes too much, so you tug them out of your ears, your phone lighting up on the paused song of “Silent Cry”, by Stray Kids.

I wonder if it’ll still be funny after- if I-

You crack your eyes open and peer outside, dimly trying to discern whether this was a voice in your head, or a voice in real life. It spoke with a pained clarity, exhaustion numbing what could have been a voice of laughter and passion. How you knew this, you had no idea. 

“Hey, are you good? Are you on your period or something?” James piped up helpfully, and if you weren’t so heavily concentrated on scanning your surroundings outside you might have kicked him out of your store right then and there.

Then you spotted someone. A lone figure, shrouded in the hazy glow of a streetlight, leaning over the bridge railing. Café Studio was located on the banks of the local river, wide enough for boats to barge through, deep enough to be terrified of the unknown creatures writhing within.

You watched, the incessant pounding in your head diminishing the longer you stared at the figure. If he wasn’t standing in the middle of the light, you wouldn’t have spotted him in his completely black outfit. Someone certainly wasn’t one for colour. He leaned further over the railing, clutching his beanie to his head as though afraid it would fall off in the wind.

In seconds, you had ripped your phone and headphones from your apron, leaving it on one of the tables, and fumbled with the key to unlock the café door. It was chilly out, but you ignored the goosebumps speckling your skin, and James’ confused fucking shouts – like would the guy stitch his mouth shut please. 

That was him. The idiot leaning too far over the railing was the one whispering nonsense in your brain. How you came to this conclusion was to anyone’s guess, but it was him. In the seconds it had taken you to sprint over to him, he had clambered on top of the railing, balancing precariously, his hands in his hoodie pockets, gazing into the depths of the water.

Maybe in another life, if you weren’t out of breath trying to stop him from ending it all, you might have been enamoured by his features. As you drew closer, you could make out the defined cut of his jaw, his wide shoulders, plush lips tinged with pink from the cold, dark eyes alluringly intimidating. This wasn’t that life though, and you paid no attention to any of it really. 

A dawning realisation settled on your features however, after a brief assessment of his face caused you to realise that you knew him, perhaps not personally, but still knew him. “Bang Chan?” you whisper, the name falling from your lips in a panicked whisper, “Chan no…” your legs work harder, and you pray almost deliriously that he doesn’t do it. Don’t do it. He can’t.

“Bang Chan!” you yell, losing all sense of discipline as he sways gently, contemplating, “Chan!!” he doesn’t appear to hear you, absorbed in his own mind. You’re there, you’re right there, and this time, when you call desperately, “Christopher!” his eyes snap up to meet yours.

It’s this particular moment, that will be ingrained in your mind in the following years. The way his eyes spark in shock at the sight of you, then relax, as though he understands, and has complete control over everything in his life.

Without hesitating, you snatch at his clothes and tug him backwards. His heavy body crashes into yours, but you don’t care. You wrap your arms safely around his waist as you tumble to the paved path in a heaped mess of clothes and limbs. 

He wriggles around in your grasp, trying to position himself more comfortably, and eventually wind up staring each other dead in the face, blinking through your lashes up at him, his palms on either side of your head.

An uncomfortable silence settles between you, fizzing in the limited space between your faces. Then without warning, you roughly shove your hand behind his head and pull him down into a hug, tears beginning to stain your cheeks.

“What the fuck? What the fuck?” you croak, needlessly shoving your hand underneath his beanie so you can tangle it into his curled hair, “What the actual fuck, were you doing?!” you cling to him tighter, and your breath escapes in garbled gasps that quieten to silence when you feel the trickle of wet tears on your neck.

Gently, you remove your hand from his head and relax your body, allowing him to remove himself from you if he so wished. He burrows his face further however, his arms collapsing onto his elbows, and suddenly you can hear him sobbing.

The tears on your neck weren’t your own. He sounds so broken, crying his heart out as though he were a lost little child who dropped his ice cream. The raw emotion and lack of restraint in his sobbing scrapes at the threads of your heart, and again, you’re crying. Crying with him, for him – understanding everything, and nothing at the same time.

Eventually, you wipe the tears from your face, trying to figure out what to do next. You need to comfort him, talk to him, remind him that he’s worth this world, and the world doesn’t deserve him because by god- if anyone knew even a scrap of what this man meant- he’s laughing. Why is he laughing?

His warm breath tickles your neck as he chuckles, his sobs magically morphed into an amused laughter, which is the most concerning thing by far. Chan pulls away from you, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he laughs and hastily dries the tears on his face.

“Sorry. I am so sorry you had to see that,” he grins, and you frown at him. “Sorry I had to see what? You almost jump off a fucking bridge, or your tears? It better not be the latter Christopher, or I’ll gladly rewind time and push you over myself.” Almost immediately, you regret the words tumbling out of your mouth when his face crumbles again, “Would you really?” he whispers, sitting up beside you.

“No. No I was kidding. I was just- you’re allowed to cry, Chan,” you sit up too, and then it’s just the both of you, sitting alone, a strange pair, by the railing of a bridge. “So you know who I am then?” he dutifully asks, gingerly fixing his beanie and offering a small smile.

“Yeah,” you take note of the way his posture deflates, and add quickly, “But it doesn’t matter. None of that matters. What matters is that you tried to…” your words die in your throat at the reproachful glint in his eyes, shimmering eerily in the lamplight. Instead, you stand up and offer him a hand. He cautiously accepts it, allowing you to help him stand with you. “Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you,” you smile, giving his hand a shake. He stares at you, bemused, and shakes your hand back. “Christopher Bahng. And… thanks.” You’re not sure if he’s thanking you for stopping his plummet to death, or for helping him sit up, or for letting him cry… he could be thanking you for a lot of things, so instead, you do the next best option.

“Want to head over to my café? I’ll make you a cup of coffee,” you offer, flicking your head to the still lit building, where fucking James is standing outside, ogling you from afar, his hands on his hips. “Sure… only… I assumed you’d know I don’t drink coffee,” he shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets again, and as your eyes slide from James and then back to the man in front of you, you suddenly struggle to process everything that’s just happened.

“Why would I? We just met,” you flash him a coy smile and lead the way. You stroll into the café, holding the door open for Chris so he can step through, his hands still in his pockets. James makes to follow, but you slam the door shut in his face and lock the door swiftly.

“Uh…” Chris begins, his eyes wide, asking for an explanation. “No questions. He won’t leave me alone, and that’s that,” you grin brightly, then rush to disappear behind the café bar and begin to prepare him a drink. He seats himself on a stool and tries to watch as you work. You grow uncomfortable in the silence, especially with him watching you so closely, so you instinctively begin to ramble.

“This is Café Studio. You might have noticed by the sign out front.”  He nods, indicating he’s paying attention. “I run this place entirely myself, and I live above…” You tell him everything you can think of, from the studios attached to the café, to your favourite pets that frequently get dropped off for day care or overnight stays. His eyes light up when you mention the recording studio, and you have a feeling he’ll go back to the topic after.

In no time, you have two hazelnut croissants prepared, a steaming mug of white hot chocolate for yourself, and a mug of caramel hot chocolate with a dusting of cinnamon for him (you refuse to tell him what’s in his drink, which makes him pout sadly because he loves it). You lapse into silence as you eat and drink, and you know you need to breach the topic again, somehow, you can’t just leave it unattended.

“Can I ask…” you begin, but he interrupts you smoothly. “I just wanted to see what it would look like.”

Chan knew he could never tell you that he’d experienced death a hundred times over in the past months. You’d think him insane.

You knew you could never tell him you heard his voice, loud and clear in your head. He’d think you delusional.

“About that… recording studio… does anyone use it?” he inquisitively asks, and you shake your head sadly in response, wiping croissant crumbs off your face. “Not really… I’m considering selling it. I need to repay the loan I took out, and if the recording room is just dead weight then I don’t see why-” “Don’t. It won’t be dead weight,” he hurries, and is about to say more before he reconsiders, “Mind if I check it out?”

Of course you don’t.

--

Chris returns to his hotel later that morning. It’s 4am by the time you crawl into bed, recounting the events of the day in a sluggish fashion. Only 2 and a half hours ago you had pulled him away from certain death.

A shiver disturbs your spine as you replay the memory, and you curl tighter into your blankets. What if you hadn’t? His inner monologue certainly didn’t sound like he simply just “wanted to see what it looked like.”

-

Somehow, you manage to drag yourself through the rest of the morning, living off a few hours’ sleep at most. Thankfully, there aren’t many customers to begin with, giving you a chance to get organised a little later than usual. Chris had left with a small smile and a wave, and you watched him disappear down the street, a part of you worried he’d decide to try the bridge again.

He returns in the afternoon with the same small smile and wave, shocking you to the core. He’s got a cap pulled low over his eyes, hood pulled neatly up, and a black mask obscuring most of his face.

The only reason you recognise him this time is because of those actions, and the particular way his eyes crinkle, disappearing when he genuinely smiles. Quietly, he asks for the same drink you made him earlier that morning and asks to borrow the recording studio – “change of scenery,” he explains casually.

As the days go by, he visits as often as he can, always with those same twinkling eyes, and always still carefully covered up. You have no idea how he’s managed to convince his company to continuously let him out in public without staff, nor how long he’s staying here for.

He must be on vacation or something because this was certainly not Korea. You frequently check up on him too, never hesitating to ask whether he needs any support. He shakes his head every time and stares at you unblinkingly, trying to convey a message through only his eyes.

You’re already helping him. This haven, your haven, is helping him already. You don’t know this of course. Nor do you know that his odd connection to suicidal Stay’s has ceased. He hasn’t felt them in ages, and in a twisted way, he’s relieved – hasn’t felt this light in a while.

“Mind if I book the whole café out for a day?” he mumbles to you from your side, his hands nimbly working with the coffee machine to produce an order for a customer. One day he had asked if you could teach him a few things on the machine. Before long he knew how to make every drink, and happily watched underneath his mask as customers sipped his creations.

Every drink that is, except for the special one you made for him – it was actually your Mum’s recipe. You refused to teach him, but he could easily figure out the ingredients and method to make it for himself by now, if he really wanted to, which perplexed you every time he asked you to teach him.

Truthfully, he didn’t really want to know. He just liked seeing the tiny crease on your forehead and adorable smile whenever you refused. And now… he had even more reason to come back. For the hot chocolate. Definitely.

“The whole-? Library and everything?” you inquire, as you refill the jar of chai powder. “Mhm,” he hums, nodding to a regular as they float by, “Staff want us to film a Skz-Code Episode while we’re here, and they left it up to us to decide where.” “Oh. Sure. What do you need, for me to close up for the day?”

“I want you to stay though. Don’t disappear upstairs to your apartment… please. Can you stay and… watch?” he innocently asks, and you stare at him in surprise, clipping the jar in your hands shut with a snap, “Am I allowed to?”

-

It turns out that would be their last day. They returned to Korea on the following. In hindsight, you wish you had hugged Chris tighter when he tackled you with one before they left after filming, raising the eyes of several staff members and causing the Skz Members to chuckle with one another.

Chris was hugging you because he would miss you, and he was afraid that if he left, the traumatic episodes would return.

You were hugging him because you were full to the brim with Stray Kids’ warmth and happiness, but also because an unfamiliar safety nestled into your stomach as he hugged you, burying his face into your neck – the same place he had where he first met you.

“See ya soon, mate!” Felix called, carrying a box of your brownies. He had given you his recipe, and you eagerly followed its instructions while you watched them record their episode, smiling contentedly at their tinkering laughter, “These taste better than mine!” 

“No one can beat Felix’s brownies,” Hyunjin muttered through a smile, but he’s happily munching on one of yours all the same. Jisung also has his mouth stuffed, his chubby cheeks wobbling as he nods his head. Seungmin offered you a polite handshake, and Jeongin an energetic round of high fives.

Somewhere in the distance, Changbin calls out your name, and performs a half heart above his head. You complete it, sticking your tongue out playfully. Not surprisingly, you and Chris have to duck back inside the café to hunt down Minho, who’s been playing with the cats left in your care for the day.

You didn’t find out that Stray Kids were leaving until that night when you spotted a live of them on your YouTube at the airport, and your heart plummeted with a sadness you couldn’t explain.

-

What… a strange… dream. 

Everything become’s more surreal when you discover an envelope by the coffee machine the next morning, tucked neatly under the corner where Chris would usually stand to make his coffee’s. You pull it out carefully; there’s no name penned on the front. Curiously you pull out two sheets of paper. The first you open is in Chris’ handwriting (he had been leaving random notes and scribbling his signature wherever he could during his visits, so you were relatively familiar with it now), 

A B C D E F G I wanna send my code to you Eight letters is all it takes And I’m gonna let you know

Lyrics. You flip over the paper and stare in a daze at the phone number scribbled there. Further down the page, there’s more lyrics, but from a different song.

Together, I feel time has flown so fast In my time, memories are crowded I didn’t know the sky was so clear like this until I met you I thought the sun was only scorching Thank you for coming to me And becoming the same shadow as mine before approaching the light

“Chris you cheesy ass,” you laugh, heartbeat thumping loudly in your chest. 

You can STAY.

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you almost forget about the second piece of paper. It’s a receipt. And on the bottom, are more words written in his handwriting.

The loan for Café Studio has been paid off, and the rent on your apartment. It’s all yours now. You can thank me when I come back.

Your eyes widen, and a small gasp leaves your lips. You fumble for your phone and add his number to your contacts. Then sparing no second, type out a message.

-

(A/N: When dialogue is in script format, it's meant to represent text messages)

You: “No you did not”

In the few seconds that you stare at your message, that you sent to Chris, disbelief written across your features, your phone buzzes with a response.

Chris: “Oh but I did”

You laugh, the sound gradually increasing as you throw your head back, giddy, a delicate pink tinge warming your cheeks.

“Something good happen?” James interrupts, rapping his knuckles on the counter to get your attention, “No side barista with you today? Who was he anyways, and what was with that mask?” “He’s… a good friend. Care for some tea?” “But I don’t like-” “Perfect.”

-

What should you do when you witness the end of a life? Cry and wallow in the darkest corners of disconsolation? Feel your heart shatter, a million fractals of sharply glittering reflections exploding in a mere fraction of a second? Some believe that time is nothing more than an illusion though – so should you instead decide to lie on your bed, a place of restless solace, and stare up at the empty ceiling?

If this were the case, could you then be compared to a lonely garden gnome, fated to ponder life’s every aspect through a single perspective? Would you shrivel away from the light, choose to accept the pitiful concept of simply existing and allow your garden to wither; green to grey, flesh to bones, petals to stems? Perhaps your coping mechanism is to simply scream. Shut the doors. Close your blinds. Block your ears. Scream. Dry your eyes. Breathe…

-

Chris: “Are you awake?” You: “I am now” Chris: “Sorry go back to sleep” You: “I was kidding Christopher” You: “Of course I’m awake” Chris: “That’s not a good thing” You: “Look who’s talking” You: “Are you all good? Can’t sleep?” Chris: “Just felt like a chat”

-

They only visited him in nightmares, he discovered, which was still an improvement from before. 

-

You: “Sure” You: “Care to explain your latest Insta post?” Chris: “No haha” You: “You burnt Stayville to the ground” You: “I think that deserves an explanation”

-

Chris smiles and flops back into his pillow. It certainly was an improvement from before. His mind was working over the possibilities, the many different choices he could make from here on out. Did you have something to do with this condition? Were you the solution to it all? What was it about you, exactly, that drew him to you?

You can thank me when I come back, he had written.

He thinks… he’ll be back for sure.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺

-> PART 2 -> Masterlist

Yay! Milestone Event 1, Check!

Feedback is always appreciated, negative and positive alike. I apologise for any editing or formatting errors, I’m forever learning.

Until next read! - Kaisowoo

#bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan x reader #stray kids #bang chan angst #bang chan fanfic #bang chan x you #bang chan fic #suicide #feminine reader #cringecheeseycornycrap #swearing #wth idk what other tags to include #just don't read if you can't handle dark themes and SEVERE angst and strong descriptions of suicide :D #bang chan imagines #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader

[echekate]

Zombie apocalypse AU pt. 2

some more hc's just because I can't get my mind off it

or is it more of a drabble?..

gn!reader x Hobie Brown

tw: amputation of a limb, a mention of suic!de at the end, suggestive stuff, but mostly fluff (don't ask me, that's how zombie apocalypses work)

As the winter passes Hobie finds himself feeling quite comfortable in his new place. Wether it's the Town that has more decent ways of existance than the one he previously lived in or certain someone who keeps his want to fuck off at bay, he starts thinking less about leaving and more about pros and cons of staying, and... Well, you.

The commune that everyone basically calls the Town is quite different from the one he used to be in before the big shit TM happened. The biggest difference is probably the place having not one allmighty leader but many of them, a dozen or so people trying to keep the place, this isle of civilization, from falling apart. The second difference - no big rules. The only ones are make yourself useful and don't stir up trouble. Considering that the place doesn't have too many people, those are enough to keep the place organised and safe. Any problems that come up always get solved by "the big bosses" who look after the Town.

And the more Hobie thinks of it, lives in it, the more content he gets with how things work. After all, he's got no problem with occupying himself or being useful. And he's not the one to start trouble if he's fine with how things are going.

And then there's you.

You who was helping him during his recovery. You who welcomed him so warmly at your place, and introduced to your parents if you still got them. You who let him use your bed until his leg was fine and he could move to the couch. You who told the big bosses you'll take care of him and he won't be any trouble and a waste of resources. You who helped him when he needed to get out and shared your warmth with him during those cold nights of hunting outside

Shit, since when did he start thinking so much about your warmth?

One thing after another, everything leads to Hobie starting to hesitate. And then one thing happens that pretty much seals his fate.

Could there be a more perfect moment? You and him are at the infirmary after coming back from another sortie. His cheek rests calmly in your palm as your other hand moves over his face, cleaning small bruises left after your little adventure. Bleak sunshine of the spring sun filters through the blinds on the windows, gently touching your skin. It's quiet, peaceful, you've gotten used to sharing both talks and comfortable silence with him.

Your head's been full of thoughts of Hobie's inevitable departure ever since the winter days had ended. You feel like any time now he can just seep through your fingers and disappear. And what's so bad about it, right? He's just a boy who was there to reach a helping hand when you were in need of one. But here's the thing: you and Hobie just... Click.

There's not too many people of your age among survivors to be picky about your friends. But ever since you've met Hobie you had this feeling that if you met him before the apocalypse, you'd be best friends for sure. He makes you feel less lonely, more cheerful, more seen. You can discuss anything without judging each other. And now you have to wrap your head around the fact that he'll leave soon? You want to respect his freedom, you really do, but... Yeah, no fucking way you can just let him go.

You barely notice the way your hands slowly come to a stop as the thoughts fill your head. And just when Hobie raises his eyes at you to ask why the hell did you stop caressing his face with your lovely hands your work, you find enough courage to meet his gaze and whisper a soft "Hobie, you should stay."

Your lips are so close and wouldn't it be just a perfect moment to kiss them? Because - hell, he wants that. But despite you being just a few inches away looking at him with such tenderness, you seem like you're not going to move any closer. So the best thing that comes to Hobie's mind is to smirk and say, "Sure thing, dove. Anythin' if I get a kiss fo' tha'."

And just like that it suddenly gets to you that all those nights cuddling in the woods you probably weren't the only one to get a little too comfortable. Because now behind that cocky expression on Hobie's face you see that he means it - you give him one kiss and he'll follow you to the Hell itself. But you turn into such a mess of joy and embarrasment that you're sure you'll fuck it up. So you ask him to wait till evening. To join him on his night watch. "Promise you won't leave 'till you get it." And he gives you a promise.

And when you join him on the town's wall at night, take his hand to let him know you're here, that's when you finally give it to him. Yes, you give it, because he lets you be the one to decide if you truly want it this time and doesn't try to take it himself. After all, it's in your best interest to convince him to stay, and a kiss is the price you must pay. But as soon as you do, your deal is sealed, and that's when Hobie shows you just how much he has to give back. He spins you two around to press your back into the wall and kisses you again and again till the pile of melting snow falls from a canopy above your heads making some noise and startling you.

You stay for a few more minutes to laugh and talk quietly and soon leave to get some rest. But you go home filled with joy because you know you both felt it that moment - none of you can leave the other now without leaving your heart with them.

At some point Hobie realises he has used your hospitality for long enough and after exploring less inhabitated parts of the Town for some time he finds himself a perfect spot. The house clearly has been rummaged through and looted more than once, but it isn't the thing that takes his attention. An impressively built tree house in the backyard though... Now that's more like it. Oh and a garage attached to the house? Maybe he can even go back to crafting stuff like he used to do before the world collapsed.

Hobie doesn't wait long before moving there and finally leaving your place. And though you miss him living close to you, now Hobie has a place of his own that suits him best. A place he can and will decorate to his liking. And a place where you finally can be truly alone with him. Perfect for nice and long makeout sessions with some music playing from your old headphones you share that certainly will turn into something more with time, like pawing at the skin under each other's clothes as you grind against each other and pant into other's mouth. Yes, a perfect spot that he doesn't mind sharing with you.

And hey, he still visits you, too.

What you've got between you two you're not in a rush to name. It's just kinda there, it has been since the moment you've brought Hobie to the Town. Though if before that kiss you could pass as a couple of really good friends that just seem to get along very well, after it happens your connection becomes painfully obvious to anyone in the Town. I mean, it's hard to misunderstand. You've been close before, but now you become nearly inseparable. Some people even start wondering if it's even possible to meet Hobie without you being nearby and the other way around. You sit there with him when he tries to build stuff in his garage. He helps you with whatever you do.

It is love, that much you know for sure, but whenever you try to explain it, you fail. Because labels and names don't really matter when the world slowly falls apart, and you feel too much anyway to try to define it with few words. Hobie, i believe, barely even tries. He just feels and enjoys it.

As for 'keeping himself useful'... Let's be honest, no one has ever expected Hobie to just settle and become a proper townie. And remember? He goes wherever you go, and you go scout sometimes, so of course he keeps you company. And it's hard to express just how much easier it becomes with him around. It's a former loner we're talking about here, he knows the best spots to hide, the best ways to avoid hungry undeads. Despite the outside still being dangerous and horrifying, with Hobie by your side your chances of survival really skyrocket.

And I imagine that you meet the rest of the spidergang that way. They're lost and scared and gods know how they've managed to survive this long, but one way or another you find them during your expeditions and bring them back with you. Just for them to see just how cool you and Hobie are and want to become a part of your scouting team, too. And hell does it feel like getting children with him...

And to the darker part that i've mentioned in the end of the pt 1

Of course with a job as dangerous as yours it's only a matter of time when some really bad stuff happens. Bad as in your hand getting bitten when you already think you've managed to escape that groaning mob of shamblers. As in Hobie immediately grabbing you and putting a tourniquet on your arm to stop this shit from spreading any further, quiet despair in his eyes because he knows exactly what must be done. Bad as in him taking a deep breath and sinking a big blade of his hunting knife into your flesh, aiming to separate the joint while other arachnokids try their best to keep you in place while he cuts off your forearm, only leaving behind a piece of skin to put it over the wound and sewing it up with a few sloppy stitches. It's imperfect, but hey, he did his best, and at least now he can bring the rest of you back to the Town, alive.

Hobie's fine if you're mad at him, he takes it like a champ, all of your "I'd rather if you just shot me" and "Great, you've made me fucking useless and made me live with it" things. He knows you'll thank him later, when it gets to you he has saved your life once again. He doesn't try to change your mind or make you less angry, he just waits and nods and helps you without a word whenever you encounter a task that used to be so easy when you had both your arms but that can be so troubling now. And he's really delicate about it, only helping when you almost get too upset you can't do it on your own. He lets you let your steam off on him, but he'll immediately offer you his vocal support and anything you need as soon as you let him know you need it or need him.

And yes, as soon as you get back he starts working on making you a new forearm. First it's just some quick and simple stuff, but hey, the boy's a genius, he'll manage to make you something really good. He'll be looking for better and better materials on your expeditions and experiment with them and i'm pretty sure he can come up with some really cool robotic stuff in the end.

And when your pain and shock and anger wears off and you realise just how much strength it took him to do the thing he did and then endure your behaviour, you apologise immediately. And just as quickly he forgives you. Because hey, when the world is at the brink of death, you can't let things like that just ruin a connection like the one you two have.

You just have to understand that if one day you turn and Hobie has to shoot you, the next thing he's shooting is probably himself.

________________________________________________________

(english is not my first language i'm struggling lmao so sorry if there's mistakes)

pt. 1 | pt. 2

#across the spiderverse #atsv #atsv hobie #hobie brown headcanons #hobie x reader #hobie brown x gn!reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x you #hobie x you #spider punk x you

[snek-eyes]

Hi Vee! 🤗 I hope you had a wonderful few days! I'm back with more meta questions 🤭 I hope that's okay, if not, just ignore me pls 😅 I've seen some people say Aziraphale isn't empathetic, some say Crowley isn't empathetic, but I think both of them have a LOT of empathy. They just show it very differently, and I think the perfect example is the Edinburgh minisode. Azi is caught in his Heavenly indoctrination a lot of times, like when he thinks body snatching is bad before actually thinking about it in a more complex matter instead of just black and white and as soon as ge does, he's suddenly all in favour of it and what made him change his mind is his empathy. With Crowley, he seems very cool and suave on the surface but he always acts and helps and protects, like with Elspeth; he didn't just save her from suic*de but he actively changed her situation as much as he could (he couldn't bring Wee Morag back for her because it wasn't in his power so he chose the next best thing he could change which was her poverty) to give her a reason to live, too. Or when he talks to Job and Sitis - you wrote an amazing meta about that already but I think the gist of it was that he sees the big picture which is that he needs to find the kids in order to save them and knows he will save them and that they'll all be fine. I think they both possess a great deal of empathy but express it in different ways which I think actually mirror their love languages: Crowley acts on his empathy, he does what he can to help people but isn't vocal about it, and Azi is vocal about it but he sometimes needs a nudge from Crowley to see the big, complex picture for that. Whats's your view on the matter? I'd love to hear your thoughts! 😁🤍

- 💫

Aziraphale (and Crowley) vs Empathy

Hey there! This was really interesting to think about!

So from my understanding (and if you're someone that has a better one, please feel free to chime in!), empathy is the ability to understand someone else's emotions, whether intellectually or by sympathetically feeling them yourself. But lacking empathy doesn't necessarily mean that you can't care about people, it just means that you don't exactly understand their emotions.

I'm saying this because after thinking about it, I actually don't think Aziraphale is very empathetic. Despite the fact that he does care a whole lot! Aziraphale is a protector, from Adam & Eve to Job's kids to that one nameless child Dalrymple couldn't save to Wee Morag, etc etc, we see him acting against what he Should be doing because he cares so damn much. But it seems to be because he has a strong moral code and believes that the alternative to acting is an injustice, more than he is putting himself in anyone's shoes and thinking about how they might be feeling. It's the difference between "I care that this sad thing is happening to you" and "I care because I can tell you are sad."

Like in the Edinburgh flashback, when he realizes what happened to the child, he's devastated because it's a tragedy that a child died, horrifically, and that all that's left of them on this earth can be contained in a bottle. His previous moral rule that digging up bodies is a sin because it's just wrong is overwritten because he's been shown an actual tangible consequence.

It would explain a lot about the number of times, especially in s2, when he either does not recognize how upset Crowley is, or if he does, he doesn't get why or take it seriously.

Saying things like "Still a demon?" or "I haven't seen you since, the flood?" without realizing why Crowley might find those upsetting and not friendly banter material.

While he doesn't seem to pick up on Crowley's bad mood in Uz, by Rome it seems like he has learned to at least see it, if not understand it. Regardless, he's still making a go at cheering Crowley up.

Aziraphale doesn't get why changing the Bentley is personally upsetting to Crowley, until Crowley connects it to something equally relevant for Aziraphale: Selling his books.

This also made something click for me wrt his scene with Maggie when she suddenly starts crying about striking out with Nina. He is completely at a loss as to why all these details are upsetting her, right up until she mentions being in love. He understands love, aww! But, crucially, his initial reaction is more "Oh, being in love is wonderful!" than "Oh, I see that must be hard for you." And he responds by wanting to solve her problem, he doesn't get that she's probably just looking for advice from an older queer to help her feel better about it, more than an actual solution.

The scene that kicks off the modern day where Maggie is upset about not being able to pay her rent. Aziraphale doesn't really engage with the fact that she's breaking down in front of him, he's doing whatever he can to placate her so he can just leave with his records.

Alright, let's get to the final fifteen because this would explain something that's always caught me. During Crowley's confession, Aziraphale looks SO confused as to why Crowley is getting upset. Aziraphale is coming at this from what he sees as a logical perspective, and Crowley is making an emotional plea. Aziraphale straight up does not understand how the two halves of this argument are connected.

When Crowley says he understands better than Aziraphale, it's like he's saying he has the intellectual high ground, and that's why Aziraphale decides they've reached an impasse.

Again, this isn't a knock on Aziraphale at all, it's just how he sees the world.

Meanwhile Crowley... I'm honestly not sure how to read Crowley on this.

He'll either project his own trauma onto other people or possibly recognize shades of it in their circumstances at the drop of a hat (the goats, the plants, lonely Muriel in heaven, the scene in S1 when he's hanging off his throne and goes from lamenting about how his fall was unfair right into to calling out God because testing the humans to destruction is unfair)

He is pretty good at knowing how people are going to react when he does his demonic mischief, although that might just be a logical extrapolation from experience.

On the other hand, he seems very confused when people go against his expectations (Jane Austen, Maggie and Nina not wanting help).

He seems to have a good handle on how Aziraphale feels in most situations, although Aziraphale's need to protect people is a huge blind spot he does not understand. So maybe that's just years and years of studying him and trying to understand. "Just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing," after all.

While he understands Elspeth's circumstances, he's not exactly, comforting? to her? When Morag is like "tell me that's not what I think it is" he immediately throws her under the bus in favor of chaos ("8D oh it most certainly is"). And when Aziraphale melts the body, he doesn't even look at Elspeth who's freaking out, his eyes are entirely on Aziraphale.

What do other people think?

#And thank you I have had a good week :) hope you are having a nice time too #Good Omens Meta #v watches good omens #aziraphale #crowley #edinburgh flashback #vee replies #💫 anon #Suicide mention

[highpri3stess]

what are your personal headcanons for black dragons in monsters?

to me takeomi is a creep and the only way he can get women is by paying them (or tricking them), shinichiro has been desperate for a girlfriend but it’s just never worked out due to his criminal activities (until reader came along, and he fell in love but he knows it will never work out, so that’s why he’s sending her off with money as a farewell gift), and wakasa is very sleazy and he probably attracts multiple women but ghosts them once he’s done with them 

another headcanon for takeomi’s appearance: his cologne is a bit too smelly, to maintain his slick back hairstyle he probably puts in too much gel, and some of his white shirts are crumpled

Ooh my personal headcannons of The Black Dragons in Monsters ♡, let's get into it. Tw: dark stuff, abortion mention, drug trafficking, murder etc

Let's start with Takeomi:

It isn't hard for Takeomi to attract women. What's hard is maintaining their attention the second he opens his mouth.

He likes going for naïve girls. Girls that probably haven't had their first relationships. He'll mock them first like how he mocked reader to chip at their confidence then start offering his "advice" if they want to attract men. Entrapping them into a short relationship that never ends well.

Senju is currently not on speaking terms with him because of him knocking up her friend and forcing her to get an abortion. It affected her friend's mental health because she really did fall for Takeomi and she nearly committed suic*de when he told her he wants nothing to do with her.

He regrets doing that to the girl but hasn't tried contacting her to apologize.

Takeomi is deeply insecure and projects his fear of being unloved to the young ladies he dates, turning them into emotional support figures for him.

He's never been physically violent with a woman and he'll never be. But when it comes to Emotional and verbal abuse, whew boy

He's a good advisor and an amazing negotiator. If anyone can tell you want business venture is easily exploitative and profitable, it's him. It's why he's still around Shin. He's the brain behind bkack dragons.

He was the first to notice Shin's attraction towards you and strongly discouraged it. Despite being into you.

Shinichiro Sano in monsters:

He's a good brother, a good friend and a good lover but a very ruthless leader.

There are no second chances. If you betray him he will not hesistate to murder you. It's one of the things he has to become just to ensure no one else tries to question his authority.

The ruthless leader is a mask. When he comes home and washes his hands off blood abd tries to sleep, he's plagued by thoughts. He has to take sleeping pills.

He's an awkward lover. A romantic at heart but can't stay without being a flustered mess.

His favourite sibling is probably Mikey. Mikey has him around his fingers, so if he finds out Mikey is also "in love" with reader, he'll let her go for him.

His subordinates and clientsvactually like him. He's extremely charismatic when speaking and it's hard not to be loyal to him. Shin could ask them to sell their soul to him and they won't blink twice.

He spoiled his siblings way too much so it fell on Wakasa and Takeomi to enforce punishments on them because he couldn't bear to hurt them.

He has dark impulses, but it's better controlled by medication and the fact that his siblings need him emotionally, since he is the only father figure they know.

Wakasa Imaushi:

The voice of reason. Stops Shin from making foolish financial and stupid decisions.

He is very needy, surprisingly, which is why he is guarded with his heart because he doesn't want to get any partner roped up with his lifestyle.

He missed reader when she left because she always made sweets for him a lot when she was around and cut fruits and served them with sugar syrup (he never told Shin because he liked peace of mind.)

Is very brutal. He can get any information and will torture anyone at all with no remorse.

All siblings sometimes comes to him for advice or to help them out when they are in big trouble and can't tell Shinichiro.

He still trains a lot and offered to help reader train if she ever came to visit again.

He keeps his room and working area extremely neat. Reader once stumbled into his room and was scared to touch anything. Izana got his neat trait from Wakasa.

Keizo Arashi Benkei

He's part of the reason why Emma is spoiled. Tried to spoil reader as well by telling her to relax and let the maids cook for her. Was sad when she didn't go shopping with him and Emma but got her lots of new clothes by the time they came back.

He's the most merciful out of all of them.

He actually has a long time girlfriend (who is part of the gang), but she was currently in Purterico doing business at the time of the story. (It's drugs.

He is against Shinichiro and reader's relationship and tried to warn Takeomi's girlfriends everytime when the others gave up. He feels reader is too young to jump into a relationship in the kind of cruel world Shin has created. Also the age gap.

He's very gentle around Emma and Senju, if they have relationship problems, he's the first to know. He knows about Emma's situationship with Draken.

He had taken the fall for Shin once and went to prison for a year (it would have been longer, but yknow corruption). Emma visited him with Shinichiro whenever she could.

Does not like the way Izana talks about women and has beaten Izana up for putting his hand on one of his ex girlfriend. He didn't tell Shin what happened because Izana swore he would change.

Has walked to a meeting once with full glitter in his hair and Shin with full make up on. Nobody commented about it.

#monsters ♡ #headcanons for monsters ♡

[ashrodisiac]

m. tokito x reader

Muichiro Tokito x Reader

˗ˏˋ ★ ANGST

˗ˏˋ ★ WARNING. MENTION OF SUIC*DE

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

˗ˏˋ ★ req: " HI ASH!! i loveee ur writing. anyways heres my request! mui angst! basically the reader confesses their love and he just shrugs it off or something like that and after that reader and mui stop talking to each other. when mui regains his memories again, his crow tells him bad news: y/n killed themself. SORRY IF THIS WAS WAY TOO SPECIFIC. THANKY WANKY! "

˗ˏˋ ★ Ash's Note: YAYYY tysm for the request!! <3 u love angst alot, huh? HAHAHA SRRY

im not vry proud of this tbh, but i hope you likey wikeyyy. tysm for requesting, dear reader! ily my sweet shortcake :3

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

"I like you." He was standing in front of you with his usual blank expression, no changes appearing at those three words you uttered. You, on the other hand, were blushing, screaming inside, had your face shielded to avoid eye contact. "Okay." you were stunned, confused. "Wh-what do you mean...?" "I said "okay". What other answers are there to respond to your confession?" he said in a stoic tone, blinking straight at you when you accidentally locked eyes. The red on your cheeks had dusted away, your heart that had been beating out of your chest now sinking in sorrow. "What?" he said in reply to your silence. "Are you too simple-minded to even understand?" You could barely see him anymore through the tears you held back in your eyes, which was probably better than having to see that this had absolutely no effect on him. "Are you crying?" he asked, crossing his arms, his long sleeves hanging heavily over his arms. "I'd rather leave you be, sulking in your own tears." then he turned away, not even throwing a glance over his shoulder as he left you, completely speechless, just as speechless as how you left him when his crow delivered the news that you had died. It was during a talk with Tanjiro when his crow bustled in, squawking like its life depended on it. Irritated by the interruption, he asked what it was for, and when the news reached his ears, told by the scratchy voice of a crow, he thought it was a joke. You and him hadn't been talking for what seemed about many, many months. You'd never crossed his mind ever since the day he left you there. Rare occasions were when you two caught each others' eye. Which, like mentioned, only happened rarely. He noticed the glint in your eye that you had slowly disappear each time every time it did happen. The way ever since you stopped talking to him, you stopped talking to everyone else. The way he would hear stories being tossed around that you were seen in life threatening situations, purposely trying to risk it all. And it looked like this attempt had worked. Everything else, all the sounds, yelling next to him, all the things he was supposed to be seeing blurred. He was split in two: Blaming you and himself.

"This is my fault. I was too harsh with her.

This is her fault. How is she so pathetic that she couldn't handle a simple rejection?"

But he regretted not saying what was at the back of his head, the other answer he could've replied with.

"I like you too, Y/n."

#demon slayer #muichiro #muichiro tokito #mui #muichiro angst #muichirou #muichirou tokitou #mui angst #kny #kny mui #demon slayer muichiro #muichiro x reader #muichiro tokito x reader

[thvshusband]

hannibal lecter x f reader with bpd

hi anon! thanks for requesting. i hope i did the prompt justice lmao. i made this into a headcannon list if that's okay ! i can do a story ver as well >.<

warnings: mentions of sh and suic*de, subst*nce ab*se

word count: tbc

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hannibal x fem!reader w/ bpd

since he's a psychologist, he knows a lot about your mental illness and tries his best when it comes to preventing splitting and helping you with your most prominent symptoms

he's also a lot more understanding

cares for you when you're having an episode

if you struggle with substance abuse /sh (or are suicidal) he will help you stay clean/recover

will give you tons and tons of coping mechanisms to help you

sweetest bf ever when you're having an episode (especially when he's your favorite person)

you can always talk to him about it, nothing is too “personal” or “embarrassing” when it comes to your bpd

he’ll always reassure you, especially when you feel abandoned

#hannibal #hannibal nbc #hannibal x reader #thvshusband

[spidergutz-writes]

Y/n x ghost thoughts/prompt

TW: mention of suic!de. PTSD? Angst if you squint.

imagine being the newbie, your the one of the youngest in the group, ranging from 19-22. But You’ve been there for a good couple of months. Your good friend with Johnny(you called soap johnny once and he didnt correct you. Ever since then, you two have been inseparable. You only call him johnny when it’s just the two of you though.) and gaz.

eventually, johnny gets ghost to…not hate you.

he becomes indifferent towards you. Doesn’t hate you, nor does he like you..yet

he would soon change his mind. But he doesn’t know that.

————

You all had gotten off a pretty rough mission. Filled with bloodshed as always, but way more than necessary. once you all go through the required paperwork, you all head back to base.

everyone is chilling out in some way or another. Soap is watching tv, gaz is taking a nap, price is taking a shower, and ghost is in his room.

though, you were in the bathroom. You had locked the door, and the others had noticed that you’ve been in there for well over an hour. The only noise is a slight rustling and some quiet sobs.

ghost was walking to the common area to go to the kitchen when he noticed everyone was huddled around the bathroom you had locked yourself in, all of them expressing their worries.

“Ya alright in there?”

“Y/n, you’ve been in there for almost two hours.”

“Stop hogging the bathroom”

Gaz was trying to make light of the situation, while price and Johnny expressed their concern.

ghost walks up to said door, and starts to ask them what’s going on.

you can hear them conversating outside the door, and after a good 10-15 more minutes, you unlock the door.

Ghost is standing in the front, johnny to the right of him, gaz and price to the left.

all of their eyes widen slightly.

You had dyed your hair.

a sigh of relief is heard from ghost and price. While gaz and Johnny berate you for worrying them.

“We thought you were paintin the bathroom with yer blood!!”

“You’d been in there for hours!! Why didn’t you respond??”

Johnny is shaking you by your shoulders, and you chuckle.

“Had earbuds in. I couldn’t hear any of ya. Sorry!”

————

about a couple hours later, your still up. sitting on the couch, with your knees to your chest. Almost all the lights are turned off, except for the little kitchen area, which barely illuminates the area. Your Playing everything through your head. Sure, none of you were badly injured during the mission, but you had seen some stuff. It’s sticking with you, and your trying to process it.

A weight in the couch causes you to jump and look to your left. It’s just ghost.

he’s looking at your hair.

“…do you like it..?”

he stays quiet for a moment. Searching for the right words.

“It’s not bad. It’s a nice color though..”

You don’t hear ghost talk often, but when he does, you either feel fear, or a wave of..calmness..

his voice is gruff, but still has a smooth tone. The deep decidable his voice reaches gives your brain a rush of serotonin. with just the little words, you can feel your eyes growing heavy.

you hadn’t slept in awhile, you had been moving the whole mission, and with the images plaguing your mind, you couldn’t possibly do it yourself.

“…hey…this might sound weird..but..could you possibly talk some more?”

he looks at your eyes questioningly

“Your voice is calming is what I mea- ah…forget it”

ghost grunts

“Never been told that. Usually I’m told my voice is terrifying.”

———-

HSUSBSJSJ that’s all I can manage. I gotta get back to the Otis fic im writing-

#cod ghost #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x y/n #ghost x you #simon riley ghost #simon riley x reader #simon riley #cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod x reader

[anamericangirl]

Hey there, I have a question.

First off, I used to self h«rm a lot and attempted suic!de multiple times. When I finally decided to talk to the social worker at my very Christian school, the first and only thing she told me was that what I did was a sin, and that I had no right to do it, since my body only belongs to God. Don’t get me wrong, I’m Christian too, but what she told me really damaged my faith. When I told her that I am bisexual (that wasn’t the main topic, it just came up), she told me that for that, I deserve to be kille?, and that it would’ve been better if my attempts had succeeded.

I tried dot educate myself on the topic of suic¿de in the Bible, but I couldn’t really keep doing that since it only triggered me and I couldn’t keep doing it. But I feel like you really know about the Bible, and so I wanted to ask what you know about that topic.

If you don’t want to answer this, that’s completely fine, I can understand it‘s a sensible topic.

Have a beautiful day, you deserve the best.

Wow, I'm so sorry you've had such serious struggles and the social worker would tell you such things. Some people really shouldn't be put in positions where they are supposed to be a trusted source of advice and counsel and she sounds like one of those people. Those are incredibly damaging things to say to someone who was in the very vulnerable state you were in. I'm glad you were able to keep your faith in God and made attempts to study the issue yourself even though you had an experience that understandably made both those things more difficult. Like if she actually told you it would have been better if your suicide attempts were successful that's very suicide baity and I hope she's not still in that position.

I'm very honored you feel like I know the Bible pretty well. I have been studying it more in depth this past year or two so I definitely know more than I used to but there's still a lot for me to learn!

The Bible doesn't explicitly address suicide and say not to do it, but we can get a very solid understanding of what God thinks about it by reading and studying his word. We know that God is the creator and he has given us the gift of life. And he makes it clear in the Bible that all life is unique and precious to him and he does not want us to take it upon ourselves to end our own lives.

There six or seven people mentioned in the Bible who committed suicide and several more who had suicidal thoughts but overcame them by putting their hope in God. Elijah, Solomon, Jonah, Job, even Paul all hit the point where they wanted to give up on life and some even asking God to end them, but instead of going through with these desires, they ended up putting their trust and faith in God and he pulled them through, which is what he wants us to do whenever we have to the point where we are in so much despair the only things we can think of to distract ourselves or end our troubles is self harm and suicide. In Acts 16 Paul even explicitly stops a prison guard who was about to kill himself after thinking a bunch of prisoners had escaped and tells him not to kill himself.

There are many verses in the Bible about coming to God when we feel at our lowest.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." - Psalms 55:22

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." - Romans 8:1-2

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." - Psalms 34:18-19

Those are by no means all the verses, but it is a small sampling that shows that God wants us to come to him with our despair, sorrow and grief so he can give us healing and hope again.

Speaking theologically, suicide would be a considered a sin. It goes against God's commandments and disrespects the gift of life he has given and disrespects the fact that God is the giver and taker of life. Life is not ours to take. Not from another person and not from ourselves. God created us special. In 1 Corinthians it says “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” This pertains to far more than suicide, but suicide is definitely a way to disrespect our own body.

God does tell us not to commit murder and suicide is technically self-murder. So while suicide is a sin, it's not unforgivable and it's not something you deserve for anything else you do or are struggling with and it's completely unbiblical for anyone to say you should be killed or your suicide attempts should have been successful.

I am very glad you made attempts to study for yourself instead of just accepting what that woman told you and I hope you have found healing and I hope I was able to provide a somewhat satisfactory answer for you.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope you are doing better and have a wonderful day! God bless!

#anon #answered

[snowdrop-ivy]

Chasing the Clouds: A Journey Back to The Beef | 2

Summary: Mikey left the restaurant to Carmen, Natalie, and you.

Trope: Second chances

T/W: Cursing, unresolved mental issues, trauma, suic!de, angst, and smut.

Word count: 2654

YOU just finished editing the photos you’re about to send to your wedding planner when you saw Natalie calling you. You’re back in Chicago for a break and to plan the wedding since your fiance’s mom thought a year engaged and no plans is bullshit. So that’s what you’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks. 

“Hey, Sug,” You smiled, answering the phone. “How you’ve been?”

“Hey, baby doll!” She shrieked. They’re not going to die down the nickname you had since 4 because you thought that dressing up as a doll everyday till you were 7 was a good idea. “Not much. How are you? I miss you!”

“I miss you too, Sug!” You giggled and crossed your legs. “Not much going on. I just finished sending designs for the chairs I wanted and heading off to my dad for Jeremy’s birthday party. Are you coming?”

You heard Nat sighed on the other end. “No, I have to check with my accountant because I put in my house as mortgage for the restaurant and now that they’re behind bills, my house is fucked.”

“Oh,” You gulped as you knew that Carm was managing it and you’ve been trying to stay away with everything that reminds you of him but apparently, growing up together does not do that. “Do you need help with it?”

“No!” She exclaimed. “I just wanted to talk to you. And maybe, if you’re free, we can hang out. I really miss you.”

You bowed and lightly smiled. “I know! It’s been so long. But, I’m free tomorrow. Is that good with you?”

You heard Nat squeal as you planned your day-out tomorrow. You both exchanged stories on what’s going on until it was time for you to go to your dad’s house. It’s your little brother’s birthday. You love that kid even though you don’t have the same mom. Your mom died a few months after you were born. It was always you and your dad till your step mom showed up. She’s okay, you like her. But you’ve never been close to her. She’s one of those people you like but do not hate. It’s somewhere between that. 

“Hey, baby doll!” Your dad yelled across the crowd he was talking to. You beamed up a smile as you walked to your dad with his open arms. “I miss you so much.”

You hugged your dad and kissed him. “We saw each other last week, Dad.”

Jim laughed as he hugged you again. “What? I can’t miss you everyday?”

You laughed and shook your head. You hugged all the people you knew and went inside to look for the birthday boy. You looked around the house you grew up in. All the pictures since you were little hang around the house. You smiled at those memories. All the good and bad ended you up as a Nurse. You never thought you'd be a nurse since you’re scared of needles when you were young from the stories you heard from your dad about crackheads and whatnots. You searched around the house to find your brother but you can’t see him anywhere. You smiled to the guests you passed by till you got to the kitchen.

“Baby doll!” Richie roared then tackled you in a squeezing hug. “Where you’ve been?”

You screeched as he lifted you. “Rich, put me down!”

Rich looked in disbelief as he eyed you. The last time you saw him was a week before Mikey’s death. “You look so fucking different.”

“That’s because I am,” You laughed. You smiled at him before hugging each other. You did miss him. And you felt guilty that you didn’t show up or call him when he’s been through his shits. “Sorry for not calling,” You genuinely smiled before kissing him on the cheek.

“Nah, you’re good,” Rich dismissed his hand. “Enough about that! How are you?”

You opened your mouth to answer but you heard a very familiar voice calling Rich. “Cousin, how’s the hotdogs coming?”

You gulped when you saw him. That bastard. Carmen Fucking Berzatto walking to the kitchen. He stopped on his tracks when he saw you. He has a tray of lettuce in his hands. You saw his jaw clenched and walked to the counter to put down the tray.

“No, Carm, look who’s here?” Richie said all fucking excited and pointed at you like he doesn’t know where you are. “It’s baby doll!”

Rich was about to say something before you smelled the burning hotdogs and he came running to it. You bit your lip when he left the two of you alone. You felt your hands shaking as you put your purse and gift down. Carm sighed before leaning on the counter and looking at you. Both of you don't know what to say or where to start.

He cleared his throat making you look at him. “Hey.”

You felt your throat close up when he called. You eyed him intently. His shriveled hair, the noticeable bags under his eyes, and his stained white shirt that fitted him like a glove. “Hey, Carmen.”

Carm twitched his mouth and clenched his jaw when he heard you say his name. That’s the first time you called him by his name. You always called him bear or B or anything else other than his government name.

“How you’ve been?” You both asked after a long silence. You also both pointed at each other to answer. “No, you go ahead,” He suggested.

You cleared your throat. After years of not talking, not a call, text, letter, or email, that’s what he asked. You had this urge to scream at his face and tell him how you spent the nights in the bathroom as you were too drunk just to forget his fucking face for a second. You wanted to tell him how you almost failed nursing school since you had no will to live or even a tiniest motivation to get up in the morning. You wanted to tell him how you were prescribed sleeping pills from all the sleepless nights you had. You wanted to tell him how broken your heart and body was when he left. “I’m good,” But no, you just timidly answered. You’re unsure if he knows you’re engaged or not since you haven’t talked to him for how many years. You don’t know if your dad, Sug, or Rich mentioned it to him. “You?”

He looked at the floor. His arms crossed and nodded. That’s not how you usually answered. You always answer with a funny story that happened to you. “Good as well,” He slowly nodded and glanced at you. He noticed everything that changed about you. How your hair has been a bit darker, the new tattoo on your arm, and how you wore your lipstick darker than you used to. It was colored salmon before that’s why whenever he sees one, it reminds you of him. He can’t think of one thing that he can’t associate you with.

You nodded, acknowledging his answer. You were hoping for more but what can you expect him to say? You both sat in silence till he offered you a beer. He placed it on the counter and you reached for it. He saw the ring on your finger as you drank the beer.

Carm froze when he saw that. His heart dropped. He felt cold all of a sudden then sweaty. He wrapped his arm around him as he slowly nodded. Trying to acknowledge what is going on. His mind was going to a different place. He couldn’t wrap his head on the thought that you’ll be walking on a different man to the altar. Not that he could do anything about it. I mean, what can he do? Tell you to stop the wedding? He can’t do that. That’s fucked up. Not after everything he’s put you through.

“Getting hitched, huh?” He questioned then took a sip. 

You saw that he noticed the ring. You wrapped both of your hands on the cold bottle since you can’t feel anything. You just went numb. And it’s not a good numb. It feels different. 

You shrugged. “Yup,” you murmured. “Gonna be a Mrs. soon,”

“Huh.” That’s all he could say. He bit his lips looking for words or questions to prolong the conversation. “You excited?”

You blew out your cheeks. “Yeah,” You answered and looked at him. His face went blank. You can see him tensing his shoulders.

Carm pursed his lips and looked around. “Best wishes, then,” He whispered and raised his beer at you.

You timidly smiled and slightly raised your beer back. You looked at the window so as to not look at him anymore. His face brought back so many emotions and memories that you locked up in a chain somewhere deep in your mind. You never thought going back to Chicago meant you’ll see him again. You buried him in your head and soul. You heard him excuse himself to go check on Richie. When he left, you buried your face in your hand trying to prevent her tears welling up. You took a deep sigh and left the beer on the counter to look for your dad. You saw him in the backyard smoking. 

You stood beside him and snatched his cigarette. “You didn’t tell me he was here.”

He kicked the pebbles scattered around him and put his hands on his pocket. “If I did, you wouldn’t come.”

You sighed. “Dad.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” He sighed defeatedly. “It’s just that I’m sure you’re not gonna go if you knew and it’s your brother’s birthday. You can’t miss that. Not when he loves you more than anyone in the world.”

You took a deep breath and huffed a smoke. Your brother does love you more than anyone. And you love that kid. And your dad’s right, if you knew he’s coming, you’re not going to go. 

“And besides,” Your dad shrugged his shoulders. “You’ve been avoiding everything that has to do with him since forever. And if you’re really past that… you shouldn’t be afraid anymore.”

You scratched your brow and glanced at them making hotdogs under a tent. What your dad said is applicable if you’re past it. But you’re not. You didn’t even go through it. You skipped it. Your answer was halted when you saw your brother running towards you. You threw the cigar and hugged him. Jeremy took you away from your dad and introduced you to all his friends. He showed you all the gifts he got. Jer took your mind off Carm and you were thankful for him. How sweet and caring he is. How he made you happy by just being him. You laughed when he saw that you have a gift. The party went on to be a blast. Kids had fun. Food was great. It was a great day. You didn’t see Carm much that day other than the few glances and the conversation you had. Jeremy was bummed that you’re gonna go home but you promised him a fun day when you’re free.

Carm and Rich are cleaning up the place after the party. He was wiping the tables when Jimmy walked in and made a cup of coffee. He couldn’t help but look at the picture of him with his dad. 

“When is that from?” He asked and pointed at the picture sitting on the counter. It was a black and white photo. Jimmy had his arm around his dad and they’re both smiling.

“Repeat party. Grant Park, ‘92,” He answered and took a sip before standing next to him. “You ever miss him?”

He shook his head. “Didn’t really know him well enough to miss him.”

“Sounds like Y/N,” Jimmy mentioned. He placed down his cup and turned to Carm. “You get a chance to talk to her?”

Carm shrugged. “Yeah, we had a beer but she didn’t finish it. Still on the counter.”

Jimmy pursed his lips. “How’d you feel?”

He stopped and raised his brows. “What are you? A therapist?” He joked. Unc turned his head to know he’s serious. Carm straightened his face before continuing to clean the table. “Good, I guess.”

“Really?” He wondered. He didn’t seem satisfied with his answer. “After all these years?”

“Yeah, I mean, we didn’t have much to talk about but she did mention her engagement.”

Jim pressed his lips and tapped him on the shoulder before leaving. “Hey, Carm,” he called him.

Carm turned around to look at him. “Whenever I imagine giving away my daughter, I always thought it’d be to you.”

He nodded and watched him leave him. He took a deep breath. He also had the idea you’re gonna end up together. You both were a step away from being married. Hell, Carm even gave you a very beautiful engagement ring that made you feel magical. But that was all in the past now. He still wonders if you still have the ring. It wouldn’t hurt him if he knew you threw it away or burned it along with the other things you had that belonged to him. Carm shook his head and head on to bid goodbyes to Unc’s wife and Jer. Rich and Carm had to drive Pete home since he was knocked out from the punch infused with Xanax. Carm took the chance to talk to Natalie. 

“So, how’s the party?” Nat asked as he gave him water and sat down across from him in their living room. 

“Good,” He nodded. “Good yeah, Richie spilled a Xanax in the cooler but Unc didn’t kill us.”

“That’s crazy,” She said with disgust. Nat propped her legs on the couch. “You saw baby doll?”

Carm bit his lip and nodded.

“You guys talked?”

He nodded. Unsure what to answer. He propped his arms on his legs as it bounced. 

“How was she?”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was engaged?” 

Nat’s mouth went open then lightly shrugged. “I didn’t think you'd want to know that.”

 Carm bitterly laughed before shaking his head. “Yeah, right.”

“How’d you know?”

“Saw it on her finger,” He answered, remembering what it looks like on you. “Different from what I got her.”

“Does it still hurt?” Nat asked gently. Her eyes was soft and full of worry.

Carm stared at the picture of you with him, Nat, and Mike that was taken on Christmas a year after you got together. He smiled lightly as he saw his arms around your waist and you were kissing him on the cheek. He had the biggest smile on it. And you all looked so happy beside the christmas tree. “Yeah, and I think it always will.”

“Do you still love her?”

He bit his lip, soaking in her question. And the answer is he does. You have, will always have, his heart in your hands. You were gentle while he cared, but when he stopped caring, it broke you. And nothing will ever be the same. You gave him everything, and he won’t give it back. And now, you chose someone else, even though you have every piece of him. He hopes time will heal you both. Maybe not completely, but he hopes it will only hurt on the bad days. And he’s only have a few of those.

“Carm…” Natalie softly called him after a while when he didn’t answer.. “Are you okay?”

He repeatedly nodded before standing up. “Gotta go,” he bid before heading out to his car. He banged his hand on the wheel repeatedly trying not to scream. He’s not okay. How can he be? Seeing you after 5 years and seeing that you’re engaged. And how nobody gave him a fucking heads up about it. They told all the stories you shared with them but not the one where you got a fucking fiancé.

taglist: @th3h0nkz

A/N: Hi! If you want to be tagged on the next chapters, just comment down! Thanks for the support! <33 hope you like this chapter

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