#but... these things are incompatible. i feel conflicted inside.

[bloodystray]

.

#feeling suicidal is extremely hard because i do not want to be helped. i want to escape from all my pain #but i still feel this yearning urge for SOMEONE to know #but... these things are incompatible. i feel conflicted inside. #i want to hide #i want to curl up and never hurt anyone again. with my sorrow and my vices and my bloody hands #i want to disappear into mist. i know that if i stay on this earth #i will know pain unlike anything i have ever before #and yet. the urge to be known. the urge to be seen. it burns. #in my deepest of deep places inside. i know that my loved ones would heal one day #they think they won't but the mind has a way of protecting itself #i would become a shadowy figure only remembered as the hidden threat that should never have been trusted #i want to die so badly. #i will not. but i want to #very very badly.

[bsd-fan]

Chuuya´s analysis part 2: Humanity and contradictions

Stormbringer is by far the most important piece if we want to understand chuuya because this is the moment his view of life is challenged. We follow chuuya through stormbringer, we get to see how doubtful, scared and confused he is about his humanity and we also see a side of him that he constantly hides.

“I told you, Chuuya”

He looked up in the direction of the sudden voice. It was a familiar voice, one that belonged to the person he hated most in this world.

“Your birth itself was a mistake. We´re the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn´t even real?” - Hallucination of Dazai. Stormbringer

Dazai and Chuuya constantly claim the hate they have for each other. A lot of that hate is because their history of them being assholes with each other, a lot of it is just posturing but a lot of it is because of this. They share the same problem but the way they face it is incompatible. Especially on chuuya´s side. During sb we learn that Chuuya /understands/ Dazai, not because he tries to but because deep down he thinks the same. But he /never/ lets himself think about this, because if he does he will drown and he can´t do that.

You can ignore most of this analysis because the only real important thing to understand is that chuuya is a figher.

That´s his core as a character.

Chuuya fights every godamn hour of every day. He fights with himself, he fights against his ability, he fights for his humanity, he fights for the people he loves, he fights when everyone already gave up. He has lost /so much/ through his life and never complains about it, he keeps going on because that´s what he was taught to do. He has gave up so many things. He can´t say that he is tired, he can´t be afraid, he can´t stop because he was conditioned to be the last man standing not matter what and that´s what he does. Because he has people he cares about and that depend on him so he can´t fall, he can´t ask for help and damn sure he can´t let himself sulk and think about the futility of all, he can´t go with dazai´s nihilistic mentality not matter how much of it he secretly shares because he can´t stop fighting. That would ultimately break him. Chuuya´s outwordly drive to keep advancing despite all the horrible things that happen to him is only possible because he never stops to think about this.

So in a lot of ways, Dazai is like a punch in the face. it´s his worse fears and hidden thoughts in a human form. Dazai, especially 15-18 year old Dazai represents everything he fights about himself. So yes, when I say that chuuya makes a constant, conscious effort to avoid understanding Dazai I´m talking about this (and that´s like half of it, because Dazai´s coping mechanisms also directly clash with chuuya´s whole ideology. Honestly is kinda impressive how Dazai manages to trigger chuuya to that degree)

Now, going back to the analysis I want to say that Stormbringer doesn´t really bring anything new to chuuya´s character, it just consolidates what was already there. It´s when chuuya finally realized something we´ve known all along and it´s because of this that he can finally solve his inner conflict.

“I can feel their lives burning right here, inside me, and till those flames die down. I can´t just do whatever I want. I´m gonna do what I need to. That´s who I am”- Chuuya, stormbringer

“-Why don´t you get it? There isn´t anything you need to do! Live how you want to live! Destroy what you want to destroy! Because there´s only one thing we needed to do, and that was to not be born!(...)

-Just shup up- Chuuya´s eyes burned with fierce determination. -Maybe that´s what you wanna do, but don´t shove your belief down my throat. Cause that ain´t ´t how I feel at all.

Several shadow ran thorugh the light in his eyes.

His friends in the sheep.

His friends in the Port Mafia.

The light in his eyes was determination. It was the powerful brilliance of humankind, something gaines only through encounters and partings with other people.

-You´ve been completely wrong from the very start- Chuuya spat in disgust- “Being born was a mistake”? Sounds like the kind of garbage Dazai would spew, and no way in hell am I ever gonna think the way he does!”- Verlaine and chuuya, stormbringer.

This scene is so important to chuuya´s development as a character because this is the first time he defines himself as an individual in his own terms and  independently of his origin. He is a person, and he is the kind of person that will do what it needs to be done and he will do it for the people that is important to him. That´s simply who he is. That´s his identity as a human being. That´s why I get mad when people are fighting about chuuya´s humanity. Yes, at the end is really hinted that he is the original one but that´s not important. Because the whole point of the novel is that humanity is more than origin. It doesn´t matter if chuuya was born as a human being or created in a lab because at the end of the day he is human because of the ties he has with the people around him.

Different from Dazai, Chuuya gets this solution from existentialism. Existentialism is a form of philosophy that explores the issue of human existence. Existencialism basically says that purpose and meaning in life doesn´t come from external forces such as God, fate or a bigger power but instead is entirely determined by ourselves and that´s exactly what chuuya does. It doesn´t matter that life in senseless, it doesn´t matter if he was created only as a weapon, it doesn´t matter if he shouldn´t have existed in the first place. None of it matters. Because he is already here and he will give himself a purpose. And God, I´m gonna stop here to say that this is such a chuuya thing to do. He fights what everyone around him is telling him and he fights himself, yes, he may understand Dazai and verlaine´s nihilistic mentality but he ultimately decides to reject it. Chuuya will fight even the absurdity of life, in a way is fucking hilarious and as a Dazai kinnie I can wholeheartedly understand how this is so annoying for him. Because here we are needing sense, getting paralyzed because of the ucertainty of the world and just trying to keep living despite being constantly overwhelmed because the aburdity of all and then there are people like chuuya that realized the same thing but they keep going, people like chuuya that just push their way through life like it´s not a big deal, people like chuuya that never  give up even when is the logical thing to do. And as maddening as it is, maybe this is the real reason why Chuuya is my favorite character, he can do something I don´t. His will to fight despite everyting? How he gets up every single time? is not something I can do.

Okay so sorry for the projection in the middle of it. Let´s continue with the analysis.

The whole point is that Chuuya doesn´t care if his reason to keep going is not trascendental, he doesn´t care if it´s illogical, he doesn´t care if in the great scheme of things it doesn´t mean anything. Because it´s important to him, it´s enough to him and that´s all that matters. Chuuya has people he loves, he has emotional ties with them and Chuuya clings to them with desperation because it is  what impulses him to keep going. I need you to understand this, every single character is bsd have people they love and appreciate but for chuuya? it´s a whole different deal. They are so much more than that. They are not only people he loves, they are the direct representation of his humanity (which I remind you is the most important aspect of his characterization) he finds a purpose and a sense in this bonds, he finds an /identity/ thanks to this bonds. And that´s why he will do absolutely everything to preserve them. Yes, the biggest difference between Chuuya and kunikida is that when chuuya says that he will do what needs to be done, he is not talking about ideals, he´s saying that he will give everything of him for the people he loves.

Now, everything should be fine, right? Chuuya learns to accept his humanity to a certain extent, he gives himself a purpose, everything is /fine/ except it´s not and this lead us to the second and biggest contradiction about chuuya and this is which ultimately brings another thousand contradiction in his character: Nowadays his biggest conflict is not the original problem anymore, it´s the solution he gave to that problem.

And it´s the most tragic contradiction in earth because his relationships with people is what makes him keep going but at the same time it´s also what keeps him stuck (I´m discussing that later). And it hurts so much because yes, they give them an identity, a purpose but he also sacrifices /too much/ of himself in the name of this relationships.

He is conventionally brave, he is not like atsushi, he never hesitates, he never doubts but it´s not in a healthy way. Chuuya is not brave for the sake of being brave. He is brave because there was never another option to him, he doesn´t let himself feel afraid. During stormbringer he experimented more suffering than most of the characters in the story, he went against a giant beast, he was tortured, freakingg hell, his biggest fear all along was to discover that he wasn´t human but he decides to know because the flags investigated his past. He was terrified but he forced himself to ask because “I have an obligation to know for their sake” not for him, for the flags.

And let´s not talk about how corruption is his worst fear turned true, let´s not talk about how it represents the lack of humanity and how that may affect the character whose whole main arc revolves around seeking humanity, let´s not talk about how he goes against his worse fear once and once again to protect the city and the organization he loves. There is only one thing that chuuya wanted, all this time he only wanted to know if he was a human or if he wasn´t and in stormbringer he gave up even that. He decides to use corruption fully knowing that he will lose his opportunity to know and he doesn´t care if by doing it, he can save people.

He has a moral compass but he sacrifices it in the name of the people he loves. He  cares about people but he also mass murder if that benefits his organization. He appreciates life, but he´s so ready to die and destroy himself if by doing that he can be useful for the people he cares about. His pathological loyalty is also explained by this, it doesn´t matter if they betrayed him or hurt him, he will still be there for them because he puts this relationships over everything. He even sacrifices his emotions, I´ve said it before but chuuya didn´t even let himself cry after he saw his friends in pieces because he put albatross needs over his own pain. He got into an organization he didn´t even wanted to be in because by doing it he could save the people that  stabbed him in the back. To this day I´m haunted by the fact that in the entirety of stormbringer, chuuya only let himself be vulnerable once, he only screamed once. When he was being tortured, and in agony, he let himself scream but he only did it because no one there cared. If a person he loves had been there, then chuuya would´ve hold it in, he would never let himself cry because he will never let himself be a worry for the people he cares about. His whole ability is a reminder of everything he went through, of everything that makes him different, of all his pain but he doesn´t resent his ability because he can protect the people he loves with it, that powerful ability is just another responsibility he needs to carry. He is powerful so he needs to protect those that aren´t.

Chuuya is so selfless that it actually is a fucking flaw. From all the characters in bsd, he is the one who sacrifices the most and the craziest thing about it? He doesn´t even notice because in his mind he´s doing what needs to be done. In the CD drama he says to akutagawa that self sacrifice is a pathetic excuse for weak people but he does it all the time, except that he doesn´t think about what he does as self sacrifice, for him is just the natural thing to do. Chuuya constantly makes pyramids and he puts himself at the bottom of them. He is ready to give everything for the people he loves but he never expects the same of them. He loves unconditionally, but he doesn´t think that he can be loved in the same way. He needs to push himself, he needs to be useful.

“-Why- A flash of uneasiness briefly colored chuuya´s expression- Why would you go through all this (...)

-It´s nothing particularly serious- Said Lippmann. Baffled by chuuya´s reaction, he eyed the rest of the group- If we had to come up with a reason, though...it´s because you´re our friend. Were things different in the sheep?

They had been. That was what Chuuya flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable”- The flags and Chuuya, stormbringer.

Chuuya doesn´t know how to accept kindness, he doesn´t know how to react to people caring about him. Because that´s his job. He is never in the opposite side of it. And when he finally was, he lost it and even then he never thinks about all the shitty things that happen to him, he never complains about the unfairness of it. He just keeps going, he takes every single blow and he never let himself make a sound.

Do you see the contradictions now? The love he has for his people may be the foundation of his identity, but he also sacrifices a thousand of things about himself  to protect them. No one can live like that. He lives in a perpetual state of contradiction. What he believes in, what he feels and what he does never fucking allign. And honestly this is part of what makes his character so fucking good, because this contradictions narratively speaking make perfect sense. Is not that he is lying, is not lack of self awareness, is not a hole in his characterization. if you stop to analyze the character this contradictions make perfect sense for him. And this trait is why chuuya gives this impression of being predictably unpredictable.

During the first light novel Dazai describes kunikida like this:

“I´ve got a good idea of who you are now, so nothing you do will ever surprise me. I mean, compared with me, you´re just a simple man with a simple mind, after all (...) See? You wear your heart in your sleeve. You don´t hide how you´re really feeling”- Dazai, Osamu Dazai´s entrance exam

And you´ve probably noticed by now, but a lot of this description somewhat applies for chuuya too. But Dazai´s reaction to chuuya is usually this one:

Even knowing Chuuya better than anyone else, Dazai has consistently been surprised or doubting chuuya´s actions. During stormbringer he didn´t know if chuuya was going to use corruption, because a normal person don´t go through life sacrificing their most wanted thing. During fifteen, he was extermely curious about his relationship with the sheep, because chuuya´s arrogance doesn´t make sense with the way he lets himself be used. He thought that Chuuya was going to kill N because that would´ve been the normal reaction to have but he didn´t. At  22, he hoped that chuuya was going to use corruption to save him but the whole point was that he could never be 100% sure because a normal person won´t go through life facing their worst fear just because of trust. And Dazai is not the only one unbalanced by chuuya, the flags were constantly surprised by him, rimbaud didn´t know what to do of him. Verlaine thought that after all the suffering, chuuya would grow up to hate the world just like he did, but chuuya didn´t. There is this whole scene in which Adam and shirase are facing verlaine and he knows that they will die, he goes through all the possibilities but there´s no way they make it but then chuuya appears

“The 169 outcome. An unthinkable possibility

-Unbelievable- I instinctively muttered”- Adam, stormbringer

Adam is an AI, he was made to think about all the logical options and he never thought of that one. Because no normal person will go and fight when all logic is saying that they will lose. But Chuuya does it, he goes and fight expeting to win, giving his all because he will not let his friends die.

Kunikida is relatively easy to predict because he will stick to his ideals as much as possible and because of that is easy to read his actions and the way he will act (to a certain extent, of course) Chuuya is as easy to manipulate as kunikida is but he is far more difficult to accurately predict. Chuuya may be as genuine and honest as kunikida is but he doesn´t stick to anything. He will go against the very basis of himself for the people he loves. Worse than that a lot of his actions and decisions are incredibly complicated because he does a thousand of mental mallabarisms that somehow make sense for him. He will kill, steal and blackmail but outside of job? He respects the traffic laws, he thinks that kids shouldn´t drink alcohol and help grandmothers cross the street. Does that make any sense to you? He will die and kill a stranger no doubt if by doing that he can protect the mafia but sacrificing a friend? Yeah, that´s not gonna happen. He simply can´t do it. So chuuya is fine with killing but only under specific conditions and that applies to everything he does. He lives in constant contradiction and that´s a problem because he won´t be able to keep it eternally. Every single time he goes against something he believes in, is a hit, even if he doesn´t let himself see it.  And is fucking terrifying because we all talk about what´s gonna happen when Dazai breaks down, but I´m asking what´s gonna happen if chuuya is the one who breaks down? Because it´s gonna be fucking catastrophic, Chuuya doesn´t know how to bend, he will just keep going until he breaks. He will just keep going until he completely destroys himself.

Now I feel like this is a good time to answer the first question. If chuuya has so many hero-like qualities then why is he in the sides that kill people? why is he a morally grey character? By now I think is pretty evident that Chuuya is not a violence oriented character, he may be agressive and blunt, he is bad tempered but almost every single time he attacks is because he is trying to protect his people or in benefit of them. Yes, he is impulsive and he enjoys a good fight but he never attacks just for the sake of it. He may be arrogant and powerful but none of that is the answer. The real reason Chuuya is a morally grey character is because he chooses.

For him, some people are more important than others.

And just like I´ve been saying in all this analysis, chuuya is ready to do /everything/ for the group of people he chooses. He will kill and die for them. He will go against his moral code a thousand times for them. This certainly doesn´t excuse chuuya´s behavior though. The reality is that no matter his motivation, his actions are still bad by the moral code but just like Dazai, Chuuya is not a moral oriented character. And honestly I will forever find fascinating, that Dazai have all the attributes that we would expect of a bad person but he is in the side that saves people, he is doing his best to protect. Meanwhile, chuuya is an almost text book definition of a hero and still is in the side that kills people. The most fascinating thing though, is that they´re both morally grey characters just in completely different ways. Dazai still does a lot of bad things, it just happens that the ultimate result is a “good” one. Chuuya is constantly doing horrible things, but he also sacrifices himself constantly for the city he loves, and he has saves lots of lives by doing it.

Now going back to topic, yes chuuya chooses but that this is not a mafia-only thing. People in the light does it as well.

Tanizaki is the most obvious one, it has never been a secret that he would burn the world for Naomi and he is the only ADA character that actively has risked (and potentially killed) a complete innocent person in the name of saving Naomi. Ranpo did it as well, during the cannibalism arc he is the first one to suggest killing Mori because he priorized Fukuzawa not only over Mori´s life (which is natural) but also over the whole moral code of the ADA. And later in the story, he is the only one who wants to refuse the job that we now know that ruined the agency. The whole point of it, is not that the ADA didn´t believe in ranpo, is that if they didn´t took the job innocent people were gonna die and that goes against everything the ADA believes in, but not for Ranpo. He was perfectly fine with letting those people die if he could save his family, if he could save the ADA by refusing the job. Tecchou is a hunting dog, his whole character revolves around justice but he was ready to go against that because Jouno was lost, and that was more important for him than the fucking world. Yes, chuuya actively kills but all of this characters have proved that they would do it too under the right circumstances.

And with this I can finally write the last part of this analysis: Chuuya nakahara shouldn´t be in the mafia, his coping mechanisms and how his character is stuck.

#bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #chuuya analysis #bsd analysis #soukoku #skk #the fangirling is strong in this one #he is my favorite and it is obvious #hundreds of words just to say that I adore him #stormbringer spoilers #fifteen spoiler #bsd spoilers

[that-ari-blogger]

Get Ready (No Good Deed)

Joseph Campbell is famous for writing The Hero With A Thousand Faces, in which he put forward the concept of the Hero’s Journey, or Monomyth. This, boiled down, is a series of plot beats that most stories ever written hit in some way or another, at least to Campbell.

Campbell is one of my favourite literary scholars to disagree with, but one thing that I believe he got right was the idea that he called “The Belly Of The Whale”. This has gone on to become the darkest hour trope, a moment when everything seems lost before the protagonist picks themself up.

In Wicked, the story of Elphaba picking herself up is told by the song No Good Deed, which dwells on the emotional low, but also the resolution she makes as a result. This song changes the trajectory of the entire musical, and is a masterclass in writing a threat.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Wicked, Avatar: The Last Airbender)

“Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen.”

The song opens with gibberish, it’s inspired by Greek, Latin, Italian, and other languages. But it is bastardised to sound more mystical. Like a language that could be true but isn’t.

It’s also weird when it comes to the phonetics. Each of the words (I’m counting “ah tum” as one word for this) takes up the same time to say aloud, but the “ah” is naturally drawn out because more stress is being put onto it. It forms a rhythm similar to a horse’s galloping, implying motion.

Keep an eye on that, this song is all about motion.

That actually translates into the plot of the wider musical. This song is changing the tone of the story as a whole, pushing it into a tale of revolution.

The conflict of this story is brought on by the “death” of Fiyero and Elphaba’s love. Achieving change and achieving personal happiness are not compatible in this story, at least not for Elphaba.

But incompatibility is an important theme here. Elphaba has been trying to achieve things in her way. She tried to enact change through the Wizard, and when he turned out to be a schmuck, she tried to help people, stir up change and hope that good deeds get rewarded by fate.

I have mentioned in the past that Glinda and Elphaba’s relationship was characterised by the former being the more world wise and Elphaba being naive. That’s what Popular is about. However, this is a change of status quo, paired with Glinda’s rendition of I’m Not That Girl, showing the reversal of that dynamic. Now Elphaba is truly cynical, and her eyes are opened to how the world works, and Glinda has been fooling herself the entire time.

In the opening of this blog, I referenced Campbell’s “The Belly Of The Whale” concept. The name of that is actually a reference to a biblical tale, in which a prophet uses the inside of a fish as free transport and therapy.

I want to draw that biblical reference back in here. Do you notice anything about how Elphaba’s wishes are phrased?

“Let his flesh not be torn Let his blood leave no stain Though they beat him Let him feel no pain Let his bones never break And however they try To destroy him Let him never die Let him never die”

Do those remind anyone else of the opening of Genesis?

“And G-d said, let there be light. And there was light.” Genesis 1:3

There is a very specific wording here that evokes that biblical concept of divinity. In the Bible, the only people and entities that speak in this way are either G-d, people talking about G-d, or people praying. No Good Deed is explicitly drawing on that speech pattern to imply the divine symbolism with Elphaba.

This isn’t the first time the musical has done this. I keep referencing older posts that I have made in this series on Wicked, but that’s because the musical does set up and payoff really well, and I have to talk about callbacks. But, my first post in this series was titled The Gospel of Elphaba, and I did that for a reason.

One of Wicked’s most interesting story techniques is its biblical allusion. Elphaba is explicitly framed as divine in this song, but also by how she is referred to in a few other places. This has the effect of implying a change in history. Elphaba’s life will change Oz for good, and this is the story of how that happened.

Now, I am not a Christian, I am coming at this from the angle of study and having lived in a very Christian environment for most of my life. So, while I am trying to treat this with the respect befitting any faith, I want to stress that I am far from a perfect, definite source on anything related to Christianity.

I've brought up this artwork by @abd-illustrates (youtube) before, when I was talking about Defying Gravity. But the piece is about No Good Deed, and its so amazingly well done, coming from a place of obvious love for the song and the musical, that there was no chance that I would miss a chance to show it again.

On a different note, the things that Elphaba wishes for in this song are vague as all hell, and the implication of Fiyero being turned into the scarecrow because the lawyers found a loophole in his resurrection contract is neat.

That implication is really important for the theming of the story, and it happened earlier on in the musical when Boq became the tin man. The magic expresses the theme of consequences rather concisely. Nobody knows what effect they will have on the world and on history, you can just try to make the world a better place, no matter what people think of you.

In other words:

“Was I really seeking good Or just seeking attention?”

Intentions don’t matter, actions do. The second verse of this song dwells on this question, asking if Elphaba’s morals were what she thought they were and what that means for her.

The conclusion drawn is that it doesn’t matter. Elphaba, despite breaking free physically from her society’s constraints, is still following them emotionally. She still believes in the ideas of good and evil that she has been presented with, and now she resolves to take a different approach. If wicked is what they call her, wicked she shall be.

The music of the song itself feels like a fight. It feels like it has the eb and flow of a boxing match, with Elphaba’s vocals falling to match her being struck, and rising for her blows.

For example, here the higher note on “charity” combines with an accent to feel like an attack, with the slope matching the follow up and ease of tension.

Although, if you are perceptive, you will notice that this is a solo, and that Elphaba isn’t actually fighting anyone, so what gives?

I have two readings for this. In the first, Elphaba is declaring war on Oz, essentially, so the fight is the warmup to that. This is posturing, it's a threat. It’s Elphaba’s Bitter Work moment.

For context, Bitter Work is one of the best episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender and, fun fact, my introduction to the series (I was very young, I thought the movie was cool, I got three seconds into the series and realised how wrong I was). In the episode in question, Zuko is wrestling with his identity in relation to the world, and to his father. He doesn’t know who to be, or how to proceed.

The episode then follows Zuko as he tries and fails to learn a new type of bending (magic in everything but name), culminating with him standing on a cliff, screaming for lightning to strike him because he thinks he can finally throw it back. Its self-destructive, and it's a character on the very edge, lashing out at everyone, including himself, in a desperate attempt for control.

Does that sound familiar? That’s exactly where Elphaba is when she sings No Good Deed, on the edge, looking for control.

The second reading is that Elphaba is arguing with herself about what to do. Part of her wants to run and hide, but the part that is singing is trying to convince her to stay. That she needs to change.

Wicked is a story about dreams and reality colliding, and this is Elphaba’s speech to the troops on the side of hope. Unfortunately for her, the entire army consists of one person, herself.

The idea of Elphaba’s internal struggle is reflected in the inconsistency of the music. Wicked likes to mess around with key signatures and time signatures, with Thank Goodness taking the concept to its breaking point. But No Good Deed has, by my count, four different key signatures, and three different time signatures.

The first chorus follows the Wicked formula of being understated. It’s rhythmical, and balanced in 4/4 time to give it a self contained vibe.

This conveys a feeling of speeding up and slowing down, as she rushes into decisions, then hesitates. Wicked has done this in previous songs already, and I have discussed them, but its a neat thing to see repeated here.

Elphaba seemingly makes her decision, however, belting out the song’s name. But then she falters, and the key changes to b majour. To me, this evokes a feeling of happiness, which doesn’t really square with the lyrics.

Except, I would argue that it does. Nessa and Doctor Dillamond are the two people she was closest to, and they are gone now. They were to hallmarks of her old life, and this feels like her reminiscing about a better time. The other name that comes up here is Fiyero, but that quickly shifts.

Jessica Vosk plays this scene like Elphaba is seeing ghosts, speaking the names as if she is seeking advice from the departed. It's a really cool acting choice.

Grief is a powerful motivator, and Fiyero was the last person that Elphaba had left over from her previous life. Even Glinda has left her, and now that grief bubbles over into a war cry.

In the version of Wicked that I saw most recently, Elphaba was played by Sheridan Adams, who put a little bit of flair into that final call, rising slightly, then flowing down to keep the momentum into the chorus. I don't know what this is called, so if any music scholars who understand my extremely limited and vague explanations here, please help me out.

“Let all Oz be agreed, I’m wicked through and through. Since I cannot succeed. Fiyero, saving you. I promise no good deed Will I attempt to do again. Ever again. No good deed Will I do Again!”

The final chorus of this song is a revelation. It gains momentum by alternating between 4/4 and 3/4 to gain that rocking rhythm like a ship in a storm. But I want to go a bit weird here and talk about the rhyming scheme.

There are two main rhyming sets here, “deed” and “do”, and they alternate in an ABAB pattern and are reminiscent of classical poetry.

Agreed, through, succeed, you, deed, do. Again, Again. Deed, do, again.

Annapantsu's cover of this song is phenomenal and manages to capture the magnitude of both the story and the musical really well. I highly recommend you check it out.

Classics were often about big emotions. Romanticism springs to mind, for example, although that was a movement defined by a desire for freedom of expression, which plays into the themes of Wicked exactly. How convenient.

However, the scheme is broken up by the repeated word “again”, which juxtaposes the idea of classicism with change. The force with which Elphaba interrupts her own rhythm makes the line seem as though it is a threat. Elphaba’s desire for freedom is coming for Oz, whether anyone likes it or not.

Elphaba has snapped, and things will never be the same in oz again. Never again.

Final Thoughts

This song is iconic, and that is well deserved. We are ramping up to the finale of the musical, and the story is gathering speed.

As a side note, I genuinely love how Wicked subverts the prequel pitfall of explaining everything, not by avoiding doing that, but by making that its whole thing. Boq’s transformation into the Tin Man works with the story as told in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz because it comes close to what the Tin Man explains, but frames him as an unreliable narrator.

Similarly, Fiyero’s lack of anything going on behind his eyes is superficial, and when he becomes the Scarecrow, that superficiality carries over. Like Boq, he is reframed as an unreliable narrator, but not through selfishness, and instead through a secret desire to help the Wicked Witch out. Also, the fact that he is the captain of the guard kinda explains why he rocks up to the final battle of the The Wizard Of Oz movie with a gun.

Next week, I am looking at For Good, and trying to justify why I cannot make it through listening to it without crying. Seriously, I am always a wreck at the end of the Wicked soundtrack, and I blame this song.

So stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...? #character analysis #wicked musical #wicked #elphaba thropp #elphaba #wicked the musical #wicked elphaba #the next musical I do will be animated #wicked is a queer story #no good deed #avatar the last airbender

[flock-talk]

My conure gets a lot of time out of his cage but when I put him inside he screams a lot because he wants to be taken out, any tips?

There's a variety of ways to address this depending ultimately on what you're able to provide in each situation and what the root of the behaviour is.

treat potential separation anxiety. This includes gradual desensitization protocols to teach them that the cage is a fun space, working up to breaking down all the elements that lead up to going in the cage, duration in the cage, and the elements involved with you leaving the room/building so they can learn to be relaxed and comfortable in all aspects of being left alone

reward an incompatible behaviour. This could be teaching them to ring a bell, sit on a designated perch, or make a softer vocalization that still earns them the reinforcement they're looking for - getting out of the cage. Since the screaming doesn't get them out but the more desirable behaviour does the screaming will fade away in this context. In this situation you do need to be available to follow through and let them out when they ask in this new way.

Evaluate the enclosure. Check the size, amount of enrichment, and whether or not they're utilizing the space when they're in the cage. If it's too small or they aren't using the space that won't be helping the behaviours you're seeing

Ensure they know how to play by themselves, if they can't entertain themselves when you're away that may be contributing to the screaming. Teaching them how to play and forage without needing you there can go a long way in them learning how to occupy themselves and feel less distressed when you need to go.

ensure their needs are met before being put away. If they haven't had adequate enrichment, exercise, or social activities prior to going in the cage it will be more difficult to settle.

have a predictable cage time routine. If they don't know when they're going away, why they're going away, or for how long it can be quite anxiety inducing. predictability provides confidence which in turn allows an animal to settle easier. Having consistent times or specific cues that tell the bird that they're going in there for bed, for a long time, or for a short time can reduce that anxiousness and provide clarity needed for easier settling.

watch the clock. Most parrots forage first thing in the morning, roost throughout the day, then go for another foraging round in the evening. If you're trying to get them to settle outside of that schedule you may face a lot of difficulty. Monitoring light hours, providing proper behavioural outlets at the right times and keeping a consistent routine can help.

don't use the cage as punishment. If sometimes the cage is supposed to be a place to relax and sometimes it's being used as an aversive (time outs) it can create a lot of stress and conflict around going in the cage which will make it difficult to settle and relax.

Provide an alternative, if your bird is seeking attention but not necessarily out time you may be able to compromise and just chat with them while they're in the cage, a way for them to still get some social interaction even if being outside of the cage is not a viable option at that point in time.

Avoid triggering the screaming, the more they practice it the more the behaviour will persist and the more stress and anxiousness they'll feel around the cage which can amplify the problem depending on the root cause. While working on the behaviour I would aim to avoid situations that cause them to feel distressed enough to scream. This may mean having a cage for the training vs a cage that is used when there's no other option (i.e you have to leave for work they can't stay out), or finding a different method of containment that doesn't stress them ( a safe room, someone else willing to stay at the home while it gets worked on, an aviary, etc.)

Encourage independence outside of the cage, this may be in the form of play areas or perches the bird can settle on without having to be actively on you. Encourage them to settle off of you but still in view and work up to being able to remain settled when you're out of sight, longer durations, etc. These skills can slowly be transferred to the cage setting over time.

#anxiety ask #attention screaming ask #screaming ask #separation anxiety ask #attention screaming

[writingquestionsanswered]

may i ask advice on writing when one dislikes conflict? (ironic, ik). i love fantasy stories but hate plots about war, revenge, hatred and such. if its background then its okay, but if its the focus of the story i find myself bored and annoyed. so i cant bring myself to write about it either. i need a harsh conflict, something almost evil but can be seen as good from another perspective. but i feel limited. im stuck mainly bc i need an entire species to be threatened, but not bc of hunting...

Writer Dislikes "Conflict"

It sounds like you might be a little confused about conflict. It can be confusing, because there's the everyday meaning of conflict, and there's the literary definition of conflict. They can overlap, but they're not the same.

Everyday (Non-Literary) Meaning of "Conflict"

When we talk about conflict in the everyday world, we're generally talking about opposing action between two incompatible things, like a conflict of interest. It can also refer to physical conflict like war and battles. And finally, it can refer to a mental struggle, like someone is conflicted between two choices. In everyday life, when a person says they don't like conflict, what it means is that they don't like discord... they don't like disagreement, strife, or lack of harmony.

Literary Meaning of "Conflict"

When we talk about conflict in fiction, we're referring to the problems the protagonist and other characters face in the story. To be more specific, "problems" being the obstacles that stand between the protagonist (and other characters) and whatever it is they want and are trying to accomplish.

In other words...

There's a lot more to literary conflict than war, revenge, hatred, etc.

External Conflict vs Internal Conflict

Stories typically involve two types of conflict: internal and external. Internal conflict is a problem that exists inside the character's heart and mind. External conflict is a problem that exists in the character's world.

Character-driven stories--stories that are more about the characters themselves than what's going on in their world--mostly revolve around internal conflict and may have little to no external conflict at all.

Plot-driven stories--stories that are less about the characters and more about what's going on in their world--mostly revolve around external conflict and may have little to no internal conflict at all.

Many stories these days are a combination of plot-driven and character-driven, meaning that the story addresses the main characters' internal conflicts parallel to the action of the external conflict.

Types of External Conflict

Again, external conflict doesn't have to be about war, revenge, or hatred. A zombie apocalypse is an external conflict. An "end of world" level winter storm is an external conflict. A humanity-destroying virus is an external conflict. An evil sorceress trying to take over the world is an external conflict. A fight-to-the-death you're forced to fight in by your oppressive government is an external conflict. A bunch of people from various noble houses all fighting for the throne is an external conflict. Waking up 50 years into your 200-year cryogenic spaceflight to a new planet and realizing the ship is off course is an external conflict. Moving to an old Victorian house in the woods and realizing you have a haunted doll on your hands that may be responsible for your missing neighbors is an external conflict. An asteroid barrelling toward your planet is an external conflict. Becoming sheriff in an old west town where you're not liked because of who you are, then having to get the town to trust you and helping them save their town from being wiped out for a railroad... is an external conflict.

So, You're Definitely Not Limited

There are all kinds of ways you can have an entire species threatened without resorting to war, revenge, or hatred. And, if you need something "evil but can almost be seen as good from another perspective" you're simply looking for an external conflict that's caused by the antagonist, but with a sympathetic motive.

Have fun with your story!

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[celecaster]

I don't exactly characterise myself as 'distrustful' because of two main reasons:

- It's a disservice to think of the ways people wish harm on me is something I built up inside my head and doesn't actually happen when I observe it to happen (eg the hatred people have towards paraphiliacs or the desire to characterise them as inherently abusive)

- I can feel uncomfortable or panicked around people but I never really have a genuine 'belief' that it is because of some explicit malice they have against me, and for as long as I recall I always recognised my discomfort with someone was actually a discomfort with a larger concept/idea/behaviour that they were invoking

I've had a lot of 'failed relationships' but I've never had one that was a result of an actual 'conflict'. In nearly every case it was just that there was nothing to do in the relationship so there was no point thinking of it in those terms.

Probably the worse 'conflict' if you could call it that was with LO2 and if you read our conversations it would be apparent that nothing was really happening, there wasn't actually a 'disagreement' and I just felt like my poor mental state (from my general circumstances) made my emotions toward them lean in a way that I decided I couldn't talk to them anymore, and from what I could understand of them they didn't have any pointed 'hatred' towards me so much as my unstable state was kind of inconvenient/uncomfortable for them to have to witness. Regardless the problem was 'somewhere else'.

I think when I evaluate people I always look at general morals before any form of interpersonal likeability. For one I immediately steer clear of 'probably wants bad things to happen to me' people (like people who are openly vindictive/support harassment/etc. to certain demographics) and even if I meet a person who I don't get along with it never really felt like our differences were a personal attack against me, specifically.

Like I reserve my right to feel upset or lonely over things like being misunderstood or being ignored but I don't see these things as intentional faults or malicious acts of the specific individuals that do them.

This is kind of something I never really understood well about others. I 'get' it cognitively but I can't understand the feeling that others seem to profess where they interpret all disagreements, conflicts and 'mere' incompatibilities in a relationship as something the other person is actively doing (often intentionally) as a specific response to you as an individual.

#d #I mean even with the people I am reasonably afraid of #I don't feel they hate me in an interpersonal sense I recognise they are just bigoted towards my demographic #Which gives me an utterly different feeling and self-perception #I might explain in a different post but I think it's not ideal to evaluate all issues as interpersonal #ie A specific pointed hatred towards individuals and not something rooted 'somewhere else' #And it's easy to do colloquially (I do it too) to describe things like these as hatred but it's not really good to do so #In many cases conflicts are not about 'hatred' at all

[alyjojo]

December 🌲 2022 Monthly - Virgo

Whole of your energy: 7 Swords

777 shows up in your reading and could mean something for you in this situation. You’ve got another option, while with someone else, and you’re being very sneaky and dodgy about this, to avoid any heartbreak and pain. You’re avoiding addressing this like it’s the plague. You’re not making any major decisions, just entertaining the idea of someone else, and you’re probably talking to this person. If you’ve already hurt your main person before, or they’ve been hurt in the past, you don’t want to do that to them again, but you’re not stopping yourself from entertaining options either.

What’s going on in December:

3 Pentacles:

The two threes here shows you being with someone and there being another option. Where the 7 later can show many options, it really just looks like one has merit, and long lasting potential to create something stable together. The opportunity is knocking, and you’re answering the door. Doesn’t mean they’re coming inside, I don’t see any passion or action, or change, but the door is open and temptation is lying on your doorstep.

5 Wands:

Queen of Cups shows up as your person, they could have Cancer placements. You’re conflicted about leaving this person behind. You probably have shared finances and responsibilities with this person, Queen of Pentacles rev shows you staying around possibly for the wrong reasons, or you have before. It’s possible you question these sorts of motives of them as well. Is it love or money?

The High Priestess:

You’re completely stone silent about any other options you do have, your truth is consciously concealed…because you haven’t decided on anything. All that’s going on here is within you, there are no actions in this reading. You weigh the pros and cons of each person or relationship, your feelings, probably their feelings, what you would have to change or even what needs changing if you stay put and act honorably. It seems snakey, but opportunity knocks for everyone, and sometimes it’s just an opportunity to light a spark and head in a better direction from where you are now. In your mind. Like a passing moment in the grocery store with a flirty person makes you feel attractive & excited, so you take that energy, go home and schedule a date with your mate to keep feeling good & share the feeling. Or is your mate actually incompatible and wouldn’t want a date even if you offered it? These are the sorts of things you’re mulling over, you’re not trying to be snakey, even if it comes across that way 🐍

7 Wands:

If your person has found out about any other options, it would make sense you’re needing to defend yourself. There is very emotional behavior here in regards to disappointment and sad feelings, so if they know or found out, they’re definitely acting out about it. As people do when they’re hurt. If they don’t know, you could just be defending your own behavior to yourself, trying to avoid this sort of upset reaction when you haven’t even done anything…yet.

7 Cups:

Again, mulling over your options, which are now part of your conscious mind, where before you may not have even realized you have options. You’re more desirable than you think. King of Wands could be the person, could be a Leo, someone charming, sociable, exciting and fun, loves to go out on the town and have a good time and is incredibly gifted with getting their way. Page of Swords shows this is someone you’re actually messaging, but messages are all that’s here. You could even just be thinking about messaging this person and not actually having done it…yet. This King can also be you, feeling powerful, confident, sociable, feeling passionate towards taking the wheel of your own life and where you really want it to go. In that case this Page would be a feeling of studying & learning, but learning yourself. What do you really want? What lights your fire? What makes you happy? No decisions are being made so far as I can tell. Yet.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Leo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces

Oracles: ✨

13 Abundance 💰

Abundance takes on many forms: material possessions, friendships, excellent health, emotional stability, unique experiences…

When you lock yourself into a narrow view on what defines abundance, you lose out on the whole picture of what it *could* mean. Open yourself up to as many forms of wealth and abundance that are possible and watch your blessings multiply. Always remember that focusing on what you do not have is a sure-fire way to feed the energy and make that your truth. Every day watch for signs of abundance from the universe - acknowledge and be thankful, thus encouraging the continued flow of energy. Remember the universe will always provide you with what you need.

We enter into December as:

The Green Acorn 🌰

“I am not a victim! I chose to be doing what I am doing!”

It is time to take a good hard look at something you may be in denial about. In order to move forward, you must make an honest assessment of your present situation. Remember the old adage that there are three sides to any given situation? Yours, theirs, and the truth. Are you putting blame on a situation or a person that doesn’t call for it? Acorn reminds us to come back down to earth.

It is important that you not use anything as an excuse to avoid seeing your own role clearly. Look at any experience as an opportunity to know yourself better, not something to hide behind. The time will come when the situation will no longer be there, and you will have to face yourself. Do it now. The Green Acorn asks that you see things as they are, and not to use anything as an excuse anymore. Don’t forget to see the lighter side is whatever situation you are in, humor and levity can serve you well.

What is to be learned in December:

Rhonda Rhino of Amethyst 🦏:

“The road to divinity is paved in forgiveness.”

The true essence of Rhonda is that her dreams came true because she never harbored resentment, this card is about forgiveness. Because she didn’t take her mother’s suffering personally, she didn’t have to work it out. There is a lightness to staying reasonably detached from another’s anger & pain. We only need to forgive ourselves if we have judged others. Rhonda focuses on what her dream is, not what others have done to her, she is the essence of goodness and forgiveness, nothing changed that about her.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

#virgo tarot reading #monthly reading #december 2022 #Virgo #tarot

[firsttarotreader]

How would Pedro get along with a Pisces? I know Aries and Pisces are mostly incompatible, but he obviously has that soft, emotional and dreamer side to him too.

Hello! In the last part of our Pisces saga, I pulled cards to see what Tarot says about him and a Pisces and to see if they match the Astrology part.

Well, the first cards were 5 of Hedgehogs, Knight of Hedgehogs and the Wheel of Fortune. 5 of Hedgehogs brings in a lot of instability, conflict and a challenging relationship. However, the Knight of Hedgehogs points to the need of constant work. If they keep a routine and focus, they can make it work out, and I mean in every relationship, including friends and parents with children. The Wheel of Fortune is about how things are gonna have ups and downs and never be stagnated. This is also interesting because, like my Astrology anon said, Aries and Pisces are the beginning and the end, like a cycle, the cycle of life.

The next cards were The Hermit, Page of Teacups and Page of Spears. Now let's take a look at the 3 of them. The Hermit is a card of isolation, retreat, of looking inside of yourself and focusing on self-development. Then 2 Pages, one is the emotional, loving and loyal Page of Teacups, who is also innocent and naive. The other is the Page of Spears, one who is always eager to do his best, but ends up making mistakes because he's too eager. There is defintely a balancing factor here, as the Hermit definitely "calms down" the Pages eagerness. And The Page is a young person, but the Hermit is often represented as an older, wiser person. We have one energy that opposes to the other. The Hermit is an opposing energy to the Page, there are many feelings and ideas and eagerness but also the energy of retreating and calming down.

The next cards were the Hierophant reversed, the 9 of Flowers and the 8 of Flowers. The Hierophant reversed reminds me a lot of Pedro and Aries as a whole. This card is about not accepting authorities so well, of clashing with them, and if Pisces tries to be an authority to Aries, they're gonna have trouble. 9 of Flowers is the hesitation and the not believing so much that something will work out, but the 8 of Flowers points to things moving way too quickly and too intensely. So again, we have opposites in a way. Hesitation and hurry, thinking too much or just acting out like a storm.

It was using the Oracle of Delphi that things seemed clearer to this matter. I asked one card for their relationship and the card was The Mother. It could be what my Astrology Anon friend pointed out about how Pisces can be like a Mother to Aries, someone who will care for them and take care of them and who will nurture them.

The next cards were Celestial Music, Malice and The Guide. Celestial Music is about harmony in many ways, about balance and acknowledging of the other's merits, genuine altruism, spiritual connection. A very positive card. Malice is about, well, malice, people who can be malicious, with bad intentions, but The Guide is there, a helping hand, a true guide, someone who will give support, who will be a master (not in an authoritative way), a protector. It makes me think Pisces as a guide to Aries but Aries will also be a protector against the malicious to Pisces.

From these cards, what I can see that matches what Astrology anon said is the balancing of Aries's fire by Pisces, and Aries lighting up Pisces in a way, and also the Mother or Guide place one can be for the other. Also remember this is valid for friendships and family relations too, not necessarily romantic relationships.

Since I don't know much about the connections between Astrology and Tarot because I don't know much about Astrology yet, you're always welcome to let me know if you saw more Astrological connections in the cards!

#pisces #aries #relationship #Readings

[cursomilagros12]

The particular Magic As well as the Brain: Faith based Specialness

This informative article commences a string about what A plan inside Amazing things (ACIM) signifies any time that echoes with the "miracle" as well as the "mind. inches While many pupils can easily tell of explanations from your Training course, comprehending the particular non-dualistic that means inside connection with dualism will take time and energy to understand and also use. It really is simply with all the soft advice with the Holy Character that individuals can easily attempt unlearning-learning method.un curso de milagros pdf   A static correction is inside the brain with the perceiver rather than by means of varieties since correct selection will be among tuning in a couple of suggests: The almighty or perhaps the particular confidence. Promises being of your "miracle mind" is absolutely the particular confidence, forgiveness-to-destroy and also faith based specialness. The particular confidence echoes initial as well as the loudest. Really like will be calm; and also really like will be portrayed currently by means of right-minded forgiveness.

Faith based specialness will be from your subconscious world of one with the confidence completely wrong brain which usually feels it really is inside opposition together with The almighty.  Given that we have been yet, we have been in fact fighting together with every person on a regular basis right up until we all understand this kind of session. Almost all discord comes from thinking about opposition. Faith based specialness tends to make several interactions holy and the like not necessarily as the ego's goal will be that individuals will not understand that why offered anything at all is at as their pharmicudical counterpart coming from picking together with The almighty or perhaps the particular confidence. To adopt again our own selection creating capacity could be the level with the Training course.

The particular ego's words, which usually we all foolishly feel could be the Holy Character, includes simply no being humble none addiction to The almighty. Somewhat, is it doesn't words if you are self-created, my partner and i. elizabeth., the particular specialist difficulty. Many of us have got distress in connection with the creator your lifestyle (ego or perhaps God) as well as the variation among kind (illusion) and also articles (mind in which a static correction acquire place). Being miracle-minded, we all can not be incompatible about virtually any stage for your right-mind alone will be conflict-free. There exists a variation among right-miracle-minded as well as the magic brain with the confidence.

We've simply no trustworthiness once we utilize faith based specialness even as assert we have been a lot more holy, a lot more picked simply by The almighty as compared to one more. It is a security with contrary and we'll become speaking about this kind of subject matter inside better degree inside future write-up. Getting a lot more picked could be the antithesis with the Course's concept.

To carry on this kind of debate, why don't we choose several phrase mark explanations. We all will be with the confidence classification as well as the Course's classification. Simply the particular confidence will be totally definable as it will be constraint alone. Identified shortage by means of probable varieties (illusions) qualified prospects with the faith based specialness.

[workscounselingcenter]

Criticism

In my work with couples, I often lean on the work of Dr. John Gottman, a clinician and researcher with 40 years of experience studying what makes marriages successful…and what makes them fall apart. Gottman and colleagues cite the practices of curiosity, mutual affection, and turning toward our partners’ bids for connection as relationship strengtheners. Across research, Gottman has identified what he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse,” the behaviors that create the most marital strain. In this, Part One of a 4-part series, we’ll be talking about Horseman 1: Criticism.

We all have concerns and complaints to broach with our partners from time to time. This is a normal and healthy part of relationships. There is a difference, however, between complaining and criticizing, and using criticism to communicate is a great way to ensure that your conversation will spiral into a non-productive poop cauldron of dysregulation and resentment. Here’s what criticism looks like:

Absolute or exaggerated statements: “you always leave your clothes on the floor,” “you never have my back when your brother calls me names,” “you are constantly undermining my authority in front of the children” When we are angry or flooded, it’s easy to focus on and hammer into the thing we want changed. People rarely “always” or “never” do anything, however, and worse, presenting your argument with absolute statements is asking for your partner to search for the exceptions. Their defense will leave you feeling unheard which will feed into further criticism and the conflict will escalate from there

Asking “why:” while you may occasionally be genuinely curious about why your partner didn’t pay the electric bill, what “why” communicates is that there’s something inherently wrong with your partner. “Why are your shoes STILL in the hallway” easily comes across as “you are lazy and never listen to me — what is the matter with you,” particularly if you and your partner are already feeling negatively about one another

Using “should:” “when you folded the laundry, you should’ve sorted the kids’ clothes into piles.” Telling your partner what they ought to be doing instead of recognizing and affirming what they are doing communicates not only that they are wrong but that you are right

Passive aggressive praise or jokes: “it’s adorable when you let your mother do everything for you.” “Look at that precious poochy tummy. It used to be so flat!” Disguising criticism with sweet tones and words does not disguise the meaning of what you say. Think about the last time someone gave you a “complement” that made you feel icky inside; veiling our criticism with upbeat delivery is both confusing and hurtful

Fixing your partner’s “mistakes:” while criticism is often communicated in speech, it can also be non-verbal. If you come behind your partner and reload the dishwasher that he/she/they have just spent 20 minutes packing, there’s only one way that will be interpreted: you think that they’re doing it wrong and your way is better.

“Okay fine, Lindsey,” you say, “you’ve told me all the things I’m doing that are mucking up my relationship. What would be better to say or do instead?” So glad you asked, fair reader.

When voicing a complaint, frustration, or grievance with your partner, focus first on what you’re feeling and then figure out what you’re needing. If you can’t do either of those things, chances are you’re still flooded. Flooded means that your nervous system is in a state of arousal (which may feel like increased heartrate, sweaty palms, roaring in your ears, pit in your stomach) that is incompatible with logical, reflective thought. Another way to say flooded is “fight, flight, or freeze,” meaning the survival parts of our nervous systems have turned all the way on, kicking our social, connected, introspective parts offline. If you can’t determine what you’re feeling or needing, call a time out and give yourself time to re-regulate: take a walk around the block, snuggle your pet, take six deep breaths, watch half an episode of mindless tv. Attempting to communicate from active anger and resentment or from a “fight-flight” stance is just as detrimental as criticism itself.

Once you’ve determined what you’re feeling and needing, say it. No, really. It’s just that simple. “I feel alienated and dismissed when your brother calls me names. I need you to stand up for me the next time we’re around your family.” This way of communicating won’t necessarily *poof* all your needs met, but it will gently open the door to deeper conversation about what’s really going on. Maybe your partner will say “gosh, I haven’t thought of it that way. That must suck. I totally have your back.” Yay. Maybe you’ll get push back. But chances are that coming from a place of vulnerability will give permission for your partner to do the same. Maybe they aren’t yet willing or capable of standing up to his/her/their brother. “I try to stand up to him sometimes, but when I do, he makes fun of me. And then Dad gets in on it too, and I feel just like I did when I was a kid.” What a different conversation this is than the one that starts with an angry “you never stand up for me!” Open, vulnerable communication leaves room for exploration and collaboration. Expressing your feelings and needs allows your partner to explain why they behave the way they do. Which breeds compassion. An “I feel/I need” statement in that case might look like “I understand why you struggle in that situation. That must be hard. And it still hurts my feelings to be his target. I need to sit the next family outing out.”

Elevator Summary of Criticism, the first of the 4 Horsemen: Criticism breeds defensiveness and anger and all but ensures that conflict will devolve Eliminate “always,” “never,” “why,” “should,” passive aggression, and non-verbal attack. Come to a conversation regulated, take time out to do so if you’re flooded Use “I feel…I need” statements to voice concerns or complains

The Four Horsemen. The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Retrieved October 5, 2022.

If you are interested in The Works Counseling Center being a part of your support network, please contact the front desk.

#Couples #Criticism #Marriage

[towardwhatend]

Marcel The Swell

When I first saw the trailer for Marcel the Shell, the brain/love-child of Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp (in more ways than one, btw) it had me in tears. The promise of this sweet beacon of innocence going on a journey to reconnect with his lost family, the unbelievably evocative voice, the retro charm of stop motion, it all seemed to coalesce in what was sure to be a sobbing love-fest.

And it was all of those delightful things, plus some delightful surprises and minus a bit of the “journey” piece of that description. 

I’ll start by admitting that I let myself be far too influenced by the trailer, and so I was expecting a film that seemed to be about a long, unexpected journey for the shell, rather than the intimate, one v. one narrative inside the house between Marcel and Dean. This unfortunately impacted my viewing experience as I found myself constantly thinking that Marcel was about to go out on their adventure just before we returned back home, thus it took me a while to accept what this movie actually is.

Categorizing this movie is a difficult job, but where I found the most resonance was between the background conflict about Dean’s divorce - which itself is an issue with no solution packed with trauma that will take years to unpack - and Marcel’s journey to find his family - which, while not without its own emotional hurdles, is effectively a simple solution that solves itself instantly once it is achieved. What Marcel can and has to learn from Dean, and vice versa, is the true story of this film, and is one which is left joyfully understated in the film’s conclusion. 

Tied in with all of that is the invisible narrative of Jenny and Dean’s own divorce, and their long held collaboration on the idea of Marcel the Shell as a means for connecting with each other. This is a really sweet story that you should definitely dig deeper into, but if I’m being honest, I don’t really think it should have a bearing on the film’s success in its own right. 

Among the pinnacle reasons why nicecore films resonate, in my view, is due to their reminder that love, kindness, and a sense of community and validation are not virtues that have to be earned, they are basic human decencies that we can show to anyone. Marcel shines in this regard, as he is both a champion of compassion and community, while simultaneously refusing to compromise himself and his own beliefs in the process. He is a reminder that it is okay to return to a worldview of simple kindness, even if the endlessly complex world doesn’t seem to support that viewpoint. Marcel and Dean are a contradiction, yet do not cancel each other out. Through their contradictions they support the coexistence of two seemingly incompatible truths - life is exceedingly simple and impossibly complex. 

I would be remiss not to mention the film’s sense of wonder. Marcel’s world is enchanting, it turns an everyday living room into a place of play, it immediately shifts our perspective to the possibilities of looking at the world as a place of endless discovery, and a place that can be figured out, almost solved like a puzzle. Living through Marcel’s eyes is another of the film’s triumphs, it does so much for the audience with the simple placement and motion of the camera.

Absurdity comes in that wonder as well - the entire world accepting Marcel as real feels as bizarre as it feels surprisingly believable. To paraphrase comedian/nerd Brennan Lee Mulligan, profundity and absurdity are inextricably linked - a truth that this year’s EverythingEverywhereAllAtOnce also understood. 

For all of these reasons, Marcel the Shell with Shoes On is a triumph. However, I did not ever find myself fully, deeply immersed in it. I wasn’t profoundly moved by it in the way that I was expecting. Which is fine, I still got so much out of the experience, but I am curious as to why that would be. 

As I mentioned, I was fighting an expectations battle - thinking this would be a delightful, wholesome adventure story and instead having a more intimate, almost bottled friendship story. I love both genres wholeheartedly, but I definitely couldn’t manage to escape those expectations, which is no small part of my struggle to immerse.

But additionally, I do have questions about the film’s plotting. I love Marcel’s inner turmoil in the story’s focus on the onset of dementia, but the fact of that conflict didn’t necessarily have much to do with finding Marcel’s family. Marcel had to learn to choose himself in a deeply important emotional journey, but the facts on either side of that story didn’t have much to do with each other, which I think contributed to a missing piece in the story’s cohesion.

And then, well, the family is more or less just found and reunited. This moment is so sweet, and seeing the other shells and wider community did bring a tear to my eye, but it happened as a result of an admittedly hilarious plot focused on 60 Minutes, which Marcel I suppose had to work himself up to do, but ultimately didn’t have anything to do with the reuniting - the story just decided to give it to him. Thus, though all the individual parts of that construction are delightful and earnest, the whole didn’t feel as tightly woven as it could have been.

By no means did this ruin the film for me, and I can’t wait to watch it again with some more distance from its release. This film is clearly a love letter, written between two people who fell out of love, imbued with deep love for its own material, and gifted to the audience as an act of love, and a reminder to love. Maybe it isn’t perfectly sculpted, and maybe I just said love too many times, but Marcel The Shell With Shoes On is a purely delightful stream of goodness, flowing out into the world.

4/5 stars 

[dissocialed]

Though to be quite honest, I don't comprehend the "fear of intimacy" narrative. Well, on a topographical level I do, of course. The logic is there. Tale as old as time. Someone self-sabotages when they're afraid being too close to someone might reveal something about themselves that conflicts with the narrative they've crafted of them being irredeemable or unlikable or incompatible with any other being, otherwise they flee from "vulnerability," lending someone the power to hurt them by setting themselves up for the expectation of being liked in return. They bypass it all by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein they shoot themselves in the foot and say "see? I'm unlovable!"

But I've personally never related to this. And despite it being a rather pervasive take on schizoid mechanisms, I don't believe I've ever utilized it for the reason dashing one's own prospects never sounded all that appealing or made much sense. If something is only going to backfire on me and I bear the consequence, why would I ever do such an action? If it does not lead to me getting what I know I actually want? I'm wasting my own time. This feels unacceptable. It's also rude.

I have no reason to push others away without due diligence.

Over an abstract, an intangible possibility that may or may not happen-- what do I really have to lose? At the least it is something to do. For me, there is very little risk involved with "intimacy." Certainly, one should be careful revealing personal details anyway, but if you're resilient enough to withstand the fallout and not dependent on other people for your self worth to the point of overcoming any person or thing that might reject you, then is it really so dangerous. It's another thing to shrug off and move on from. Many fish in the sea.

Maybe it can be disappointing, but I wouldn't say it makes me scared. It's more frustrating or annoying than anything to face a disappointment. Though, I like to think I'm a swell judge of character and so keep around people who are prone to meet a standard in the first place.

In any case, why make myself sick over it. If it was someone (on the very rare occasion) who took my interest, that I wanted to show my world to, I wouldn't feel sick. I'd be excited, delighted. Maybe a little obsessed. I'd think carefully how to deliver myself, but it'd be egosyntonic. It would not be against my will. The risk is also the reward. If it was someone I never planned to open up to because I don't like them or I don't respect them, however, I'd feel nothing and not care because I don't hold any obligations to what they want from me. They are not owed it.

It's easy enough to simply lie and project the illusion of personability to appease someone if I thought it'd be worth it. More convenient. To keep things smooth. And if I don't want to put forth that effort, then you get nothing at all. I do not want intimacy for intimacy's sake, and I do not respond to it from just anyone. It is not my choice. It is not to be mean.

Rather, it might be more precise to say that I "fear" being locked in to engagements with those I do not wish to and *never* intended to share an intimate space with. Largely due in part to the way society is structured around being excessively social that often you do not get to choose and be selective (coworkers, classmates, etc) thus, have expectations of you also being social and experiencing the same things as they do.

Unlike how it works with neurotypical persons, just because I am engaged in an intimate setting where someone is sharing thoughts and feelings with me, it doesn't mean that I, subjectively, on the inside are also experiencing a closer connection in return. It's difficult to explain that your brain doesn't feel connected to others without them taking that personally and coming away from interactions feeling like it is one-sided or manipulative.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place of never quite being able to give someone what they want (genuine intimacy and feelings from you) because they are not there; simultaneously, you cannot wholly discourage it or they will feel you hate them etc which may not be true. Through cognitive empathy I can still listen, comprehend and even care. But to explain this would take ages, and many are not equipped to understand. Because this condition is so obscure. Because humans are "social creatures," and you are the exception to a rule.

They do not realize they are often responsible for my mask that they then accuse me of having created for some nefarious purpose when it was infact worn in order to communicate on a level you understand and to make you comfortable.

There is nothing more dreadful (and often tedious) than this.

#schizoid #actually szpd #szpd #primary psychopathy #dissocial #dissociality #dssd #x

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

#ask the writer

How can I write a couple with a healthy relationship?

I mean I don't want them to change themselves to make the other happy but I want them to work well

You know, it’s funny, this is a very serious question but I’m just laughing.

Because I feel like I am not the writer you’re looking for as I have never, in my life, written a story that is solely centered around two characters having a healthy relationship.

I like to think I write relationships well, that I write well period, but I have never written a story with the goal you outline in mind. 

Still, I’ll do my best and see where this takes us. Though caveat that as I’ll be speaking very generally it may not apply to your situation.

First, a post I made earlier, how to write organic, believable, relationships period.

All of that still applies which... makes your goal a little harder.

What do I mean?

Stories Are About Change

At their heart, stories are always a journey. Something happens. It can be big, it can be small, maybe the characters learned something, maybe they pointedly learned nothing. Some things changed, some things didn’t, but as an audience we left feeling something. However, the point being, it is not a snapshot.

Which automatically puts us in deep water with your premise.

If I’m writing a story that’s focused on a relationship, and I want that relationship to be depicted in a certain manner and only that manner, and that’s all I want to touch on: I don’t have a story, I have an aesthetic. It’s a nice aesthetic, I like it, but it is just a snapshot in time.

If our characters are only ever in a healthy relationship, if they never enter or grow into this relationship, or leave this relationship, and we have nothing else going on... Then what’s this even about?

Nobody grows, nobody changes, it’s just... stagnant.

So, right away that presents a problem. If the relationship is the whole point then it must change throughout the story. That’s what people do, we change, we learn things about the world and about each other. 

And that means... it might not always be at its healthiest.

Mitigation One: Don’t Focus on the Relationship

Alright, well, what if the story’s not about the relationship? What if there are just two characters who have a very healthy relationship inside the story and I have some other, larger, plot going on?

Well, you’re in a better place here. We have an excuse for things with the couple to move more slowly, we have other sources of conflict that the characters can focus on while still relying on one another but...

You’re still going to have issues because our characters are still growing as people.

As they confront things out there in the wide world their view of the world, of themselves, and of each other will change. There will be miscommunications, their beliefs may come into conflict, their desires may come into conflict, and they may grow to be people who cannot in fact maintain a healthy relationship (which, ending a relationship that’s bad for you can be a very healthy thing to do).

Now, maybe they work through these issues, which is a very healthy thing to do. However, they will likely still run into these issues and may have periods where tensions are running very high and the relationship seems like it will fail. In other words, in working through issues, you may have periods where you’re writing a relationship you do not wish to.

Relationships have highs and they have lows, you have to be willing to write such things even if said relationship is taking a backseat to the greater plot.

Mitigation Two: Move From an Unhealthy Relationship to a Healthy Relationship

To me some of the greatest stories that focus on a pair are those which focus on Character A realizing they’re in a horrible relationship and getting out, sometimes finding a better one.

Take, “The Revolutionary Girl Utena”. That is what this entire, beautiful, show is about. The characters begin in the most toxic, horrific, abusive relationships and yet we end on a very hopeful note where people recognize the relationships they were in, get out, and someday in the future might begin again with healthier partners.

You have everything a story needs in this. You have growth of characters, you have a lot of tension and conflict, you have a recognition of what love is, what healthy relationships truly are, and what bad relationships are.

However, this is a very dark path, as it involves writing the relationship you do not, in fact, wish to write at all. You end up where you want to, which might be sweeter for it, but maybe as a writer this isn’t what you want to focus on.

Mitigation Three: The Story is the Development of the Relationship

Perhaps the story closest to what you’re looking for is one that focuses on the relationship coming into being. In other words, the slow burn route. The characters are well suited to each other, they treat each other with dignity and respect, but for a variety of legitimate reasons they do not get together until the very end of your story.

The story, then, is how these people end up together (among other things).

However, this isn’t quite the Healthy Relationship I see bandied about on Ao3 either, because it’s slow burn. The characters still have to grow as people, undoubtedly have their own faults or barriers that get in the way of the relationship starting, and may have significant communication issues.

They end up where you want them to be, in a great communicative relationship, but there are reasons they don’t start there which violate the Healthy Relationship axiom.

Some Other Problems

Changing Your Characters to Make the Ship Work

In your ask you outline one of the major issues with the Healthy Relationship trope. Sometimes, if you have two characters in mind, they will simply never enter a healthy relationship. Ever.

Their backgrounds, personalities, goals, or something are completely incompatible. Trying to get them together is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It’s just not going to work and feel very hamfisted if you try.

And honestly, the best advice I have for that is to accept it. I’m sorry it sucks your ship isn’t going to work out the way you wanted, but if you’re working that hard, it means your brain is screaming at you “DON’T DO IT!!!” Your brain is usually right in these matters.

If you change too much of a character to make it work, then it’s not even the character you wanted to smash together with the other character.

Now, that said, while you should never enter a relationship expecting to change your partner into someone you like (nor should they have to change for you), I will say that people do change. More, if we’re talking things like “my partner is a mass murderer”, then yeah, we should change that to enter a healthy relationship (or, perhaps the safest option, don’t enter that relationship at all). 

I once read a fic that, while mostly good, ended on the hilariously terrible morale of Character A realizing it was wrong to what to change her love interest Character B and that she should accept her for who she is. Great moral at a distance, a great lesson learned, but in the scope of the story fell to pieces. What did Character B do that Character A initially objected to? She murdered thousands of people. I’m still with Character A’s initial thoughts on that one.

What the Hell is a Healthy Relationship?

If you read fics focusing on healthy relationships a lot of the time they’re... really weird. The couple never seem to have any emotions, they’re always placid and calm (with a great BDSM sex life), never have any fights, never have any conflict between their interest, and just smile at each other and become complete Stepford Wives.

The author is so focused on the relationship being healthy, the pair never fighting and having fantastic safe yet realistic sex, that they forget what relationships are.

It’s okay if your characters fight, it’s okay if they sometimes forget how to communicate, the point is if they are able to work through these barriers or not.

Why Are You Asking Me?

Now, all that said, I am just one person on the internet. A lot of people love the healthy relationship trope, and frankly, if you give it to them they will love you forever. 

People will routinely read and adore 100k stories where nothing happens, at all, except we see two characters just be in this stagnant healthy relationship with each other interrupted by your occasional lemon. Maybe during the story a second set of characters will enter an equally healthy relationship to fuel the plot. 

And hey, if other people like it, who am I to complain? Go for it, have fun, have your healthy relationship and slice of life story. I personally may not read it, but you’re not writing it for me, are you?

#writing #writing meta #healthy relationships #relationships #meta

[comradekatara]

UGH i love your analysis posts. modern icon. pls talk more about zukka king

okay!!!! 

what I like about them is that they can just like. chill together, especially since neither of them has any chill whatsoever. there’s an understanding there that allows them to relax and be themselves, and spending their whole lives isolated & peerless, it makes sense that they trust each other & so quickly feel comfortable around each other, bc it’s the first time (esp for zuko) that they feel Seen. 

and like, I know that people love Drama when it comes to Romance, but as someone who loathes contrived drama and conventional romantic tropes, I appreciate the fact that sokka and zuko clearly trust & understand each other enough that they would excel at conflict resolution. zuko shuts down sokka’s perfectionism & guilt complex, and sokka doesn’t put up with zuko’s self-sacrificing (because he’s the self-sacrificing one around here, dammit! everyone knows that!! don’t steal his thing). 

like, there would obviously be external conflict, but I think, at least for me, the difference between a compelling romance and a tiresome one is whether the conflict is internal (based on incompatibility and/or miscommunication) or external (outside forces that need to be confronted) that the pair can work to resolve together as a team. 

(this isn’t always the case, because internal conflict can be a well-done catalyst depending on how said conflict is resolved, but I inherently despise all straightforward rom coms, for example, because it necessitates the protagonists to behave entirely & inexplicably irrationally, and I have no idea why anyone would invest in the happiness of such loathsome characters. plus romance doesn’t necessarily equal happiness, but yknow. in the universe of rom coms it does. but I digress.) 

the boiling rock allows for romance to develop in what is obviously external conflict, which is why I am of the belief that it is one of the only good romcoms (I said what I said) ever made. (if we’re talking straightforward romcoms, then what’s up doc (1972) is truly the only other one.) it’s the development of a relationship that is based on mutual trust as opposed to (the previously-established) antagonism, and the potential just spirals out from there. 

zuko is primarily a literature/theatre nerd, whereas sokka is more of a science/math nerd (but he has lit nerd tendencies), and I think they would talk about art & philosophy a lot, and get really in the weeds and argumentative about it. their only real fights are about things that don’t actually matter, like grammar semantics, or the distinction between nihilism and atheism. 

they would basically develop their own language founded on previously established inside jokes, and when they want to, fucking no one understands what they are talking about. people think they’re insane but actually they’re just on the same wavelength and no one else can keep up. 

I especially like the idea of them just chilling around each other, like sitting and reading, or drawing, together. pursuing quietly artistic hobbies and feeling at peace together. they’re both such intense people, but not inherently; it’s just a trait they’ve both developed due to the shape of their lives—and the value of being able to just relax and unwind together is immeasurable. 

I also feel like even their sparring matches would be less about who wins and more about learning from each other. zuko has more experience but sokka has a very unique way of analyzing an opponent, his terrain, etc. and they both admire the other and would want to study from each other. like yes maybe at first it’s that inigo/westley style sexual tension (zuko is inigo sokka is westley, duh), but i think eventually it just develops into another way in which they both will nerd out over the same things. 

sokka takes zuko to the haiku club, or to terrible plays on purpose, and zuko shows sokka the royal library and the turtleduck pond and all the hidden passages in the palace, or they paint together, or go looking for cute animals in the woods to hunt to cuddle, and they don’t have to worry about being scrutinized, the only person they are seen by is each other. 

anyway yeah they’re nerd4nerd they’re frog and toad (except they’re both toads) and I love that for them 

#this got long lol..... #u got me rambling!!!!!! #also thank u #sokka #zuko #sokkaxzuko #in which i make known my disdain for romantic conventions #i really do think frog and toad are the healthiest model of love #along w gomez and morticia #theres a quietly queer subversion there #yes i said what i said! #asks #vaselinemen

[flickeringart]

The persona

The persona is the face that is “put on” like a mask over the authentic self. It serves the function of protection, of sustaining an effective social engagement and a path within society for the individual. It essentially acts a bridge between what is required from the outside environment and what lies within in terms of basic temperament and selfhood.

A well-developed persona is nothing more and nothing less than an ability to adapt to whatever social situation one is in – it’s a conformity tool. There’s usually a status quo, a kind of surface equilibrium that is supposed to be maintained in order for social and societal structures to function smoothly. The persona plays a function within the psyche that is not to be trivialized – there is a definite necessity to playing roles in society. The skill of adopting expressions and behavior that works socially adds up to create a potent persona, an effective way of being that is ideally designed to work in harmony with the more authentic core of the individual.

There’s nothing wrong with the persona per se, unless it’s confused with the authentic self. I imagine that many people live their whole lives through a mask because it’s an effective coping mechanism and they have not managed to connect to the center of themselves or their personal needs. Some are lost in a role through having played it so long. They have reduced themselves to empty shells without genuine feeling or direction in life. They may have played the game well, but it would not have been meaningful or fulfilling to the inner self. Their lives are not their own, the things the say, the actions they take are possessed by something that was never supposed to be more than a mask. Life is run on autopilot, unaffected by personal desire, feeling or direction. These people don’t know what they want out of life, they echo standards of a societal or social nature while remaining completely disconnected from themselves.

In astrology, the persona is marked by the Ascendant, the cusp of the 1st house. This is the house of self and the way it’s projected to the environment. For some, the Ascendant works well with the Sun (personal will) and the Moon (personal emotion) for example, for others it is in conflict. The persona can be in conflict with different archetypes (planets) of the unconscious, which would be illustrated by hard aspects or an incompatibility of element (fire, air, earth, water) or modality (cardinal, fixed, mutable) or masculine/feminine signs. The Midheaven, which marks the 10th house cusp represents public image. Persona and public image are different. The first is a general projected energy that is used to cope with personal interactions, and the second is how one portrays oneself to the public as a member of society.  

Is it possible to spot and differentiate the persona from the self? It’s reasonable to believe that if a person has a well-developed persona but a poorly developed connection with the self the façade might occasionally crack and reveal confusion and underneath with no clear center or definition to be found. This is usually discovered when life becomes challenging and something inside is incapable of keeping up the act. The person is faced by chaos and emptiness because they have never really been living from a place of authenticity and they haven’t built any real strength beyond the strength of conformity. These people interact through a comfortable mask and others usually have trouble reaching them because they barely know themselves. They are nothing beyond the role they play in society and on a personal level. Some people have a well-developed persona and copes well in the world but haven’t confused it with themselves and wouldn’t experience any major crisis if it didn’t hold up perfectly. They know themselves beyond the image they project into the environment and wouldn’t experience the pain of “losing face”. Some people, I imagine, have an undeveloped persona – these are the people that have very bad social adaptation skills yet everyone knows that they are completely honest and authentic to the extent that they know themselves. However, they might be difficult to approach or deal with because they don’t have a reliable self-image that works when interacting with the world in general.

#the persona #persona #ascendant #the ascendant #astrology #living through a mask. #face behind the mask #rising sign #ascendant sign #the midheaven #public image #personal image #projected image #adaptation #social adaptation #developing a persona #the self #authentic self #who are you #what are you

[austennerdita2533]

In case you're not sick of me yet: can you talk about why you prefer Joey/Pacey over Joey/Dawson? You already know that I agree with you :)

For me, I think the biggest reason why I prefer Pacey and Joey as a couple is because Dawson and Joey fall into an Idealized Love trope that they’re never able to traverse, to move beyond. They both concoct this idea of what a romantic relationship between them will look like: how or when it’s supposed to take place, what the circumstances need to be, agreement on timing, on the “rightness” of it all, avidly discussing the future of their so-called inevitable romance but then never taking the steps necessary to turn it into a real thing. 

I’m not sure you can characterize Dawson and Joey as much of a couple at all, to be honest? Nothing about them has romantic substance. It’s all on-the-surface suppositions and connections. They barely date, for one - their relationship lasting for no longer than a month or two their sophomore of high school - and then after that, a levee of excuses or obstacles build between them which are repeatedly cited as evidence as to why they can’t be together at any given moment of time, which is hilarious because most of these “reasons” are inconsequential as well as ridiculous. They’re all hurdles they could cross together with ease if they wanted but they don’t. Instead they delay. They look elsewhere. They avoid their issues, turning away from the very relationship they believe is “meant to be” over and over again. 

In my estimation, if they really were in love with each other, and if they truly wanted to be together, then they would be. They’d find a way to make it work. To fight through the conflict, the hard times. Be partners in life. They wouldn’t be able to stay away from each other for so long let alone keep inventing reasons as to why it would be better for them to remain apart as nothing more than friends. It makes me think of this one line from He’s Just Not That Into You where Alex says to Gigi: “If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen.” 

And that’s the thing about Dawson and Joey...they never do make it happen! It’s all talk. All fantasy. 

Kind of like the outline of a plot for one of Dawson’s movies, their relationship never makes it off paper. They get so tangled up in the mere idea of them as a couple that they get lost in the thick of it. Stuck. What happens as a result is that Dawson and Joey: The Couple winds up being nothing more than an unattainable dream, a fantasy, some vision of a “perfect” relationship they share that never can or will exist.

On the other hand, what Pacey and Joey have is the opposite of perfection. There are no pedestals here, no idealization. They see each other for who and what they are--just two people with strengths, vulnerabilities, hopes, failures, and all. Their relationship is real. Raw. It’s real because it’s fraught; it’s messy and confusing, it’s passionate in ways that show the sparks but also the flaws that coalesce between them. 

Never once do they, or us for that matter, believe that their relationship will be easy or problem free, because it’s not. It won’t be. They argue as well as make concessions, they listen to what they other person wants, needs, then find a way to either give it themselves or compromise accordingly. They feel comfort and trust and affection mature between them at the same instant they’re working to refine their issues so they’re able to be a better team. 

Unlike Dawson and Joey, they don’t ignore their problems. They hash things out. Sometimes that means having uncomfortable conversations about the past while they’re locked inside of a K-Mart, or discussing their fears about the future, or being honest about what they’re feeling even if it ends up surprising or unsettling the other person, but at least they’re not afraid to address the truth with each other. They put it other there. No excuses, no avoidance. They’re not worried about complicating things, because, guess what? Love is complicated! And so are relationships!

I don’t know, I suppose I like that there’s always this essence of Pacey and Joey rushing toward realness in their relationship instead of away from it. Their love is imperfect, you know? So incredibly human. It’s a tangled mass of emotion and logic, confusion and certainty, all those contradictory things you can feel for someone that make you want to kiss them one moment then curse them the next, and it embeds itself deep in them both because the connection they forge is comprised of the total sum of their imperfect parts. They learn to embrace each other because of their imperfections, their incompatibilities, not in spite of them. 

Dawson and Joey are never able to do this. They lock anything real they might have away in a closet where it won’t disturb the Perfect Ideal they’ve been imagining since they were kids who lived on opposite sides of the creek. Love like theirs’ is inaccessible. Untouchable. Much like the Picture of Dorian Gray.

Pacey and Joey don’t have this problem, though. Nothing about them is fated, or expected. Their love is tangible in a way that has them reaching out for it again and again, which I think is an important distinction to make.

They choose to be together at the end, too. That’s a choice they both have and they both take.

Yes, their love may have begun spontaneously but they have made a conscious effort since then to nurture and refine its petals, finding ways - reasons, really - to sustain it. The fact of the matter is they’re willing to talk, argue, compromise, and kiss their way through the future as a couple knowing full well there will be happy moments as well as troubled ones ahead of them, and that’s what matters. It’s a commitment they’re making, you see. Not just to each other but to a life that will be built from real things: from prosperity as well as hardship, and from feelings that will never be easy to navigate when there are arguments to be had, promises to keep, or tough decisions to be made in real time, and there will be. There always are. 

The point is they pick their “ride or die” partner. They decide who they want by their side at the end of the day, the person with whom they can envision building a home, a family, a future--even with its myriad of prickly realities. 

That, to me, is real. It’s honest. Pacey and Joey’s relationship is as authentic as true love gets. 

#prince-soulmate-friend #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks dawson's creek #pacey and joey #sorry this took me so long! #had to give it a good long think before i started meta-ing