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timmytheunworthy · 5 months

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Weeping willow (a creepypasta)

Willow had always been different from the other kids, for aslong as she could remember. Some would say its due to her autism, others say it was her home life, but if you could ask anyone who got close to her and survived, they would say the same thing.

Her weird fascinations, the things she would do when no one was around. Wether it was glueing pieces of animals together, or swapping the skins of bugs, it all fell under the same fascination. However, she mostly got along as a normal kid.

Yes she got teased for being different, but most of the time she didnt mind, especially since her older brother could protect her. He was 3 years older, and if anything happened to willow he would make sure it wouldnt happen again.

That was until willow turned about 10, and everything changed. She was just about to enter middle school, when on the last day of summer break her brother and dad went on a fishing trip together, like they would always do in the summer breaks. But this time, they didnt come back. Weeks of searching for them every day at sea turned into just going to the ocean around 3 days a week to just giving up on them, accepting it and moving on.

Well, most people moved on, but not willow. Due to willow’s already messed up brain, she soon fell into a depressive episode, spending her days weeping in her room, barely eating, and shouting at her mom if her mom even tried to bring up her brother.

She stopped going to school for about 3 months, just falling into a rabbit hole of depression, wich eventually landed her in her bathtub with a razor blade deep into her wrist, then in the hospital. She didnt fully remember that time, especially since she was fairly young, but she remembered her mom. Her panicked reaction, the amount of tissues she had already used up while sitting at willow’s bedside in the hospital, the worried look she got when she was told that willow had to go to a psychiatric hospital, and being told how much it would all cost.

It just made willow feel worse, like a burden, like the idiot she was. After around a few days in the hospital she was dragged off to the psychiatric hospital, not even resisting, since maybe fighting them would cost her mom more. The 2 awful months she had spent in the mental hospital might just be the third worse thing she had ever experienced.

Most time was spent by her weeping, screaming or clawing at the walls, but there were occasions where she would be drugged so numb she could barely stay conscious. While in the hospital she eventually got prescribed a hand full of strong medication, and after the two months they had her fully calmed down, yes she was mostly unresponsive, but thats not what they really cared about at the end.

She was diagnosed with manic depression, formerly known as bipolar disorder, anorexia and psychosis. When she finally got out around the new year she wasnt dependable enough to go to school, wich caused her to stay home until the next school year. She hardly remembered this period, it was just a constant loop of waking up, taking pills to numb every part of her, going to the doctor for check ups, her mom trying to cheer her up, her mom failing at it, and eventually taking enough sleeping pills to make an elephant to sleep, just to get a good night of sleep.

When she was finally stable enough to go to school, it felt like torture. The loudness of the other kids, the bullying, the memories of her brother, having to focus in class- it was all a little much. She became the all known quiet kid, not having the energy to talk at school, and barely talking when she got home.

She spent her days crafting in her room, glueing living bugs together, stuff like that. Spending all that time locked in her room made her mom very lonely, and accepting her grief her mom set off to go into the dating scene again, and when willow was around 13 her mom got a new boyfriend, and in the span of no time they were engaged. He was an alright guy, he seemed very arrogant and was a little rude to willow, but she was fine with it, if it made her mom happy.

But when the guy moved in, and started drinking again, it wasnt much fun anymore. Yes he was financially supporting them, but her mom wasnt happy with a constant drunk and verbally abusive fiance, and neither was willow. So her mom started working again, making long hours and saving up money, trying to gather up money to get her and willow out of the household.

It took a while, nearly 4 years, but right after willow’s 17th birthday, they had the money. The whole time before that was a blur, but for what had happened and what was going on in her brain, she was doing good in school. She was starting her last year, just getting by, but that was enough for her.

When trying to gather all their stuff to leave, her- well- stepdad, had noticed what they were doing, and decided that for the first time of living with them he wanted to be nice, begging them to stay. Saying he was going to kill himself if they went, saying they didnt have enough to support themselves, and eventually even turning to his trusty beer bottles, throwing the bottles at willow and her mother while they ran to the car with all the stuff they could carry.

However, they made it out. They got away from him, and thats all that mattered. willow’s mom had already found an apartment, fully furnished with old dusty furniture from the 90’s, but that didnt matter. They had a decently safe home, and they had eachother.

They lived in a decently small town, her mom working at fabric store, and willow herself going to a small high school not far from the town. Senior year, and boy was it awful. Since she was ‘the quiet kid’ she got bullied- no- worse, terrorised. She would get mocked, punched, laughed at and generally bullied for everything she did, especially since she wore the same green zip up hoodie for weeks upon weeks, bloody stained sleeves being visible, and giving everyone the clear indication that she was cutting herself, which she was.

The worst bullying was ofcoarse from the three meanest and most populair girls in the school, and their dragged-along-boyfriends. The main girl, becky, and her boyfriend zack were the worst. It was like they just hated willow with their whole guts, wich got zack and the other guys to the great idea to pull a prank.

Zack was going to try and seduce willow, to get into her house and film- well- we all know what. And the plan went smoothly. Zack got ‘nicer’, and acted meaner to his own girlfriend, just to get willow to like him back. And boy did she. Willow saw affection and mindlessly grabbed it, falling right into his trap, and invited him over for some ‘winter cuddling’.

Well cuddling turned into touching, and eventually their bodies were exposed, but willow didnt feel good. She felt sick to her stomach, trying to get out from the now on top of her zack, but he was keeping her pinned down, grabbing his flip phone from his jeans pocket, turning on the record button.

This whole part was fuzzy to willow- or maybe its just her brain trying to block it out. All she remembers is eventually being om top of zack, wich a pair of her scissors stuck into his shoulder, a giant cut over his cheek, exposing his bloodied teeth. She remembered him screaming, throwing her to the side, grabbing his stuff and he was gone.

There was a soft train of blood over the floor, and willow held her clothes to her chest, sobbing on the floor, holding the bloodied scissors in her hand. Cleaning everything was a blur, the whole week was a blur. Zack wasnt at school due to his injuries, but the three mean girls knew excactly what happened. Eventually exam time rolled around, and willow passed.

Wait she passed? She didnt even remember anything from it, just the big smile her mom had on her face when she came home with a store bought cake, congratulating willow on her graduation. Willow barely ate anything from the cake, and before she could even realise what was happening and be happy, it all came crashing down.

The doctor had called, they didnt have rnough for health insurance, so willow’s pills would cost too much, meaning she couldnt get her refills. What a nice moment, and what a bittersweet thing to hear, to make it all crash down. Her mom seemed more upset then willow was, making her- well- feel bad for her mom. Making her feel like a burden- i mean if she hadnt been there- maybe-.

She couldnt find a good reason, but she felt like a weight to her mom. The next week was just preparing for the worst, the pills slowly running out, the orange bottles being thrown into the trash one by one, since they werent being filled up any time soon. Everything seemed fine after that. I mean, it was worse then usual, but without school she finally had some peace, so not taking the pills had a minor effect on her.

Spring break rolled around and like any other break she spent it alone, covered up with her green zipper hoodie maybe brushing out her matted, long brown hair and crafting something, some bloodied pigeon wings on a wooden pigeon. She didnt even think about what had happened with zack- i mean she did- but she didnt expect anything to come from it. Until there was an envelope in the mail. An invitation for a graduation party, adressed especially to her. It looked too messy for a school to hand out, so one of the students must have sent it.

She didnt want to go, especially since it was on july 19th, wich was her 18th birthday. But her mom convinced her to see her classmates, just for one more time before they would go to college, and she would start working, since they didnt have money for college.

And on rolled july 19th, she was sitting in the car with her mom, her mom driving into a small path into the forrest, wich was ironically full of weeping willow’s. Her mom dropped her off as close to the party as she could, and drove off.

Willow put up her hood and walked into the forrest, not getting very far before being greeted by the three mean girls, and zack, standing a little further behind them, his cheek looking messed up, not very neatly stitched up. And with a small nod from the girls zack ran towards willow, picking her up and forcing her against a weeping willow, tying her up, making her wrists hurt like hell.

The girls begane degrading her, slashing at her hoodie, cutting her arms, slicing her long hair off into a sort cut to right above the shoulder, with such short bangs they almost werent there. Whenever willow started crying they just laughed, giving the box cutter to zack as he mercilessly stabbed her in the side, going easily through her hoodie and skin, making the blood stain her hoodie. The girls laughed as they softly whispered about the ‘grand finale’, as the signalled zack to get something from one of their bags.

He got a soft of thermos cup, wich would often contain coffee or tea, but in this case, contained something much worse. In a blink of an eye he threw it at willow’s face, making her jerk her head to the left and ripping her hand out of the retraint to try and cover her face, splashing the substance all over the right side of her face, and a little bit of her neck. For a second she thought it was okay, until it started to burn. And boy did it burn.

It felt like her skin was melting off, wich it was, but 100 times worse. She heard the girls laugh as she weeped and screamed and clawed at her face, coughing as she dropped to her knees, looking up to the girls with her one good eye, her eyes full of terror, but anger quickly building up.

Now having her hands free she grabbed the box cutter that was laying on the ground, and slashed at becky, the front girl, cutting open her stomach, making her drop to the floor. All the girls screamed as willow slowly stood up, easily cutting open the throat of one of the girls, and stabbing the back of the other girl as she tried to run.

Zack seemed to accept his faith, seeming scared but accepting as willow cut open the stitching in his cheek and stabbed into his throat, dragging the box cutter down his chest, making him gurgle in his own blood, like most of the others were. She grabbed the head of the girl she stabbed in the back and sliced her neck open to the bone, the turned to becky.

Becky was holding her stomach, trying to keep the blood from pouring out of her gashing wound. Willow grabbed becky by the hair, holding her down on her back as she started cutting around her face, cutting fully around her face, and eventually started rupping the skin off her face, eventually ripping it clean, making becky scream in agony as she was still barely conscious.

Willow held the face, looking in the reflection or becky’s pocket mirror as she put it over her face, trying to be beautiful, but she threw the skin down, seeing that she wasnt. She was ruined, now not only mentally, but physically too. She threw the mirror on the ground and stomped it, putting rhe box cutter in her pocket as she started stumbling away, stumbling back home.

She held her hood up, and was keeping her arms over the wounds on her body, making her way back into her and her mom’s apartment, mostly unnoticed. When she got home her mom was sitting at the dinner table, reading the newspaper and not even noticing that willow came home, and that willow was grabbing the box cutter from her pocket.

In a blink of an eye she had the blad in her mom’s throat, stabbing her throat over and over and over again, making her head start to detach from her body. Her mom’s blood was all over her fave, her clothes, and over the dinner. She breathed heavily as she looked at her mom’s decapitated body, and the head laying next to it.

She crumbled up next to the body and started to weeping, weeping like the weeping willow she was. She was last reported at the fabric store her mom worked at, making a mask out of a mannequin face, then fleeing into the woods. People say shes still out in those woods, killing and stealing people’s faces, to try and be pretty again.

(Hi, tom here!! Im very dislexic so if any of this is soelled wrong/written wrong please tell me! Also i included some cringy art of willow, im gonna make more art and some headcannons soon but im in france right now, so ill do it when im home&have time. Btw, even though willow is 18, im still a minor and would prefer no sexual content about my oc (if it ever gets famous or something). I hope you guys enjoy! :PP )

#creepypasta #oc #graphic #shes18in2010 #this is cringy #so cringy

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murielsbottombitch · 1 month

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cw: rant, addiction, weed, restrictive food intake, severe weight loss, anorexia

yes, it's very ironic I chose to post this on 4/20 💀

I wanna quit weed for at least a few months, just to see if it would be the right decision for me, but I highly doubt my body can handle it.

I mostly use it to medicate my severely low appetite, which I'm also on prescribed medicine for, and I don't think I could go that long struggling to eat. I'm aware weed probably affected my appetite over time but I can't deal with being that repulsed by food again, let alone if it goes on for multiple months. I can deal with the chronic pain, fatigue and insomnia being worse, probably. I just can't deal with a fundamental human need being a waking nightmare. I can't deal with my body rejecting food again. I can't. I don't know how else to cope with it other than weed, physically and mentally. my appetite traumatizes me constantly and it's hard to confide in people when the horrible thing happening to my body is touted as a good thing. I'm thin. who cares how badly my health deteriorates? it's so much easier to cope with it when I'm high. even if I still can't make myself eat, at least it's not eating away at my psyche.

at the same time, what if being sober helps? what if I go through the horrible pain, the trauma and come out better for it? I don't know who I am without weed anymore, I smoke nearly constantly and have since I was 18. I've changed and grown so much in that span of time and weed has been a huge aid in that. I don't know if I still need it or if it's hurting me now, though. I don't feel like it's hurting me but I'm not going to fool myself and pretend I'm not an addict. I do almost everything high, which makes it hard to tell if it's even still helping. I think it's helping my executive dysfunction but what if I'm wrong? what if I'm more passionate and headstrong than ever sober? I want to see what's on the other side so bad but the tunnel is full of booby traps.

weed was exactly what I needed during my anorexia recovery. of course the munchies but it made me so much less ashamed of eating. I'm terrified of being that ashamed again. I'm terrified that I might let my appetite take it's course. it's taken me so long to get to the point where I make myself eat, even if I don't want to. I'm terrifed of that being undone. I'm terrified of relapsing. my body can't take it, not after the damage I've done to it.

I just don't know if it's worth the risk just to see what I'm like when I'm not self medicating. my brain can handle not being high. my body can't.

typing this now cause I'm gonna have a dry spell for the next few days and am considering using it as an opportunity to just not get more weed. however, I have eaten 3 grapes today and am running on less than 2 hours of sleep. this is the start, the easy part. I'm not even irritable yet. I'm just scared. my body makes me really, really scared.

#rant #cw addiction #cw weight loss #cw weight #cw drugs #text post #disordered eating cw

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thisisthinprivilege · 10 months

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i don't understand how people can deny thin privilege and fatphobia when so many people suffer with restrictive-type eating disorders. comments about weight and fatshaming started being aimed at me was i was just 9 years old, and a lot of people i know with eating disorders have gone through the same thing. you can't tell me fatphobia is fake when it gave me anorexia.

We are still in the dark ages of medical science. We still have a very foggy understanding of how social conditions impact general health. Health outcomes, when not genetic or directly attributed to some impactful thing from your environment, are treated as something that patients can at least partially control. Childhood EDs are mostly blamed on things like parenting, perfectionist behaviors or other aspects of a child's personality, peer pressure, and social media.

It's understandable to some extent because what can doctors prescribe to "fix" a toxic culture? Yet, they can say, "Fix these behaviors, change schools, take away phones, lock the fridge, take parenting classes" or whatever, and people come away thinking the doctor actually did something useful for them when it's the toxic culture and it's not going to go away.

If you hide the kid away from aspects of the toxic fat-hating culture, then they'll just be exposed later as an adolescent, or at college, or in young adulthood. Thin privilege and fat hatred permeate all aspects of life, and it's only getting worse with the moral panic over fatness in children. Health classes are filled with diet culture and fatphobia, which gives ammo to kids who are flexing their thin privilege and want to gain more social status by bullying fatter kids.

What kids need is some exposure to fat liberation and acceptance, but good luck combatting the pearl-clutchers of the moral panic, who have positions of power in public health departments at the local and federal level. We can't even have a cold-virus pandemic without pearl-clutching over fat people.

-ATL

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zombie-rott · 11 months

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"Burying myself alive: Part II."

Prompt: “Have you eaten anything?”

Pairing: Established Papa IV/ Reader

POV: You / Your

Pronouns: She/her

Synopsis:

You haven't been coping lately, and things are getting stressful as the new tour dates approach. You don't know how you're going to survive without him, especially when feeling so vulnerable, and take to running to calm your anxiety.

But, even as a seasoned runner, you neglect yourself. Slowly you began slipping back into a world you promised you never would.

Notes:

This is a short, two-chapter (because it was way too long for one Tumblr post) personal piece. It is based on a conversation had by my husband and me many years ago after I relapsed pretty hard into Anorexia Nervosa. I don't have a lot of memories from that time (or previous relapse because, well, long-term side effects), but this is one of the conversations I will never be able to forget.

It's also now that I realise all the fluff I write about Copia is literally just how my husband is. Do with that what you may.

!WARNINGS!

Mentions of anorexia nervosa, eating disorders, and mental health issues.

Part I

~ ~ ~ ~

“La mia bellezza?”

You wiped your eyes and looked up to see Copia coming your way. You hadn’t even noticed you’d reached the end of your route.

“You didn’t run today? Perché amore?”

“I-I just couldn’t.” You sniffed, as you closed the distance.

He looked at you with furrowed brows and handed you a mug of coffee. Black this time, with sugar.

“You’ve been crying, amore.” He said softly,” Please, talk to me.”

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you tight to his body. You allowed it and leaned into him as he began walking you both back into The Abbey.

“I just couldn’t run. Everything hurts, and I just don’t have the energy to push myself.” You answered, your voice breaking.

“Have you eaten anything this morning?” His voice was soft but stern.

He’d been worried about you over the last few weeks. You’d been running more than usual and eating less, and he couldn’t help but notice the weight you’d lost. Your body didn't feel the same beneath his and your hip bones had become more prominent than usual.

After what happened during the last tour, he knew to remain vigilant and learned to recognise signs of relapse. But things had been going well until now. You’d gained a little weight and taken your medication as prescribed. You’d even been talking about the idea of weaning off it, just to see how you felt. Just to see if the depression had passed.

This time, however, things were getting worse before he'd even left, and it broke him to think about leaving you like this.

“Cara mia? You have eaten today, si?” He asked again.

“N-no. But I did try.”

Copia didn’t respond. He just signed deeply. You felt the pit in your stomach deepen.

“I’m sorry. I-I just can’t eat. Nothing tastes right. And I’m not hungry.”

“Mia, you still need to eat. How do you expect to run so much with no energy? Your exercise is important, si?” You knew he wanted to continue on to talk about your health being important, and his own mental health never surviving this tour if you didn’t start looking after yourself.

His raised words echoed in your mind.

"Don't you understand that watching you waste away is eating me alive?! How can I leave you like this, mia!? Bene?"

You felt the tears over flow again. You sniffed and wiped your eyes with your scarf.

“Please don’t cry, mia. I don’t mean to upset you.” He pulled you closer and you felt his lips kiss the top of your head, “I love you, and I just want to see you well. I know not having me around for a few weeks - “

“Months.” You cut in.

“Si, months, is difficult. But remember you can call me anytime. We can even speak on the ‘Doom,’ si? And then there is Terzo. He is always there for you to talk to when things become too much. You can do this. And you know I’ll be missing you every second of every day?” He kissed your head again, “Please, mia. Please keep fighting.”

At that moment, you so desperately hated yourself for allowing this to happen, for being so needy that you were hurting yourself to get him to stay. Your stomach twisted with anxiety, and in an attempt to stop the tears, you decided not to answer him.

He didn’t say another word. He didn’t even speak when you entered your quarters, nor when you began to undress for a shower. You took the silence to mean that he was angry, or at least irritated. And you didn’t want a repeat of last night.

You were going to lose him to eight weeks of non-stop touring, and there you were, driving a wedge between you both because you couldn't manage without him. It sounded so dramatic and childish.

Your heart stung as you berated yourself for being so unstable that you couldn't even let your love, your Copia, do the job he’d been chosen to do. You felt ashamed that you were making him feel conflicted between you and his Dark Majesty.

It was all you could do to silence your whimpers as you turned on the water. You stood there biting back tears as you waited for the shower to warm. It felt like an age until you could climb under the faucet and allow the heat to wash over your bones. It felt good. It soothed your muscles and helped silence the world around you.

And then the tears came. You buried your face in your hands as you cried. Sobs wrecked through your body as you felt a sea of emotions overcome you. Angry at Copia for leaving, anxious about your time without him and, most of all, ashamed of just how weak you had become. You couldn't even be apart from him without breaking down, without slipping into old behaviours.

How had you let it get this far? How had you not seen the signs before they hit you like a ton of bricks?

You heard the shower door open and shut before feeling Copia’s arms wrapping around you from behind. He laid his chin on your shoulder and kissed you gently on the cheek.

“I love you.” He cooed, “You know that, si?”

“Y-yes.” You responded softly through tears.

“Please tell me what is going on in your beautiful mind?” He kissed you again.

“I’m being so selfish and I don’t know why I’m like this. I should have seen this relapse a mile away, but I didn’t. I–I’ve just been so focused on trying to cope without you.”

“But, cara mia, I’m not gone yet.”

“You will be, though. And I need to be ready. I need to figure out a way to survive, and in all the hustle to find it I somehow fell back into - “You gestured to your body, “all this bullshit. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be so weak and pitiful to you. And this shouldn’t be your problem.”

Copia pulled you tighter against his chest and reached for your hands. He didn’t say anything, he simply held you in the heat of the shower. For a moment you thought he might be crying, but you couldn’t be sure. The thundering of the water was loud and very good at disguising tears. But when he turned you to face him, there was no doubt.

Copia, the strong and confident Papa you had come to love, met you with red, tearful eyes. He kissed you softly on the lips and rested his forehead against yours.

“This isn’t a relapse, amore mio. It’s a small blip in the road, si? You are so strong and have fought so well. I know that you can overcome this with me here or on the other end of the phone. You have so many people around you wanting to help and support you, cara. Don’t let it go to waste in the name of pride. Everyone needs to ask for help sometimes. Even I.”

You close your eyes and let his words settle in your soul.

“I know how hard it was for you to confide in me about this. And even more so in Terzo. I hope you know how brave you are.”

“Y-yes.” You managed, your eyes meeting his. You sniffed back tears, “I s-suppose I am.”

“You are!” Copia smiled as he reached up to move your wet hair from your face. He kissed you gently on the lips and took your face in his palms, “The bravest! Il mio amore coraggioso! And you can reach out again at any time. You will not be my problem because I love you, cara mia, I love you! And while I do not wish this on you, I would help you through this one hundred times over with the same fury and dedication.”

You smiled slightly, feeling the hope restore itself in your soul. Copia, loved you. Like really loved you. And for that you had to fight; if not for you, then for him.

“I-I love you, amore.”

“I love you too.”

“Do you believe me when I say you are strong enough for this? That you can kick it’s metaphorical culo?”

You giggle at the terminology. He did always have a way with words.

“I do, Copia, I-I really do.”

#the band ghost #ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #ghost fanfiction #copia x reader #papa emeritus 4 #papa emeritus iv #papa copia #fluff #comfort #sfw #my fanfics #my fanfic

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growtiredofpublicvulnerability · 1 month

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reddit comment with like 600 upvotes

saying plastic surgery and skincare is the new body dysmorphia and anorexia ……??????? 1 Maybe the children were not buying retinol at Sephora 10-20 years ago but they sure were doing accutane and that arguably more risky and is prescribed by doctors. 2 plastic surgery is not new??? In any sense??? 3 i promise you that the kids have the same old anorexia and general body issues that we did/do

#my fault for browsing this sub…#ed mention #anorexia mention as well #nothing graphic just 🤷🏿#like a literal mention

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servitudeofsadness · 1 year

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relapse & restriction

CONTENT WARNINGS: EATING DISORDERS, RESTRICTED EATING, TRIGGERING DISCUSSIONS OF FOOD

Remember food is fuel and fuel is absolutely necessary for your body to stay alive. Don’t let silly beauty standards dictate your eating and your life. If you are easily triggered by discussions of disordered eating and negative perceptions of food, please do not read the following prose. eat & stay hydrated! <3

…

“she has malnutrition,” my home doctor says as she checks my wrists and prescribes me on sugar fluids and nutrient pills. i have not been eating for a week. it is code for eating disorder.

mum looks on. ”is it treatable?”

“yes.” time ticks on and my brother waits outside.

i am starved out of my soul. deep hollowed eyes, violet-knuckled bruises, and devoid of thought. one week.

ii.

my one week low-calorie morninglunchdinnersnackfest! guaranteed to loose more than 20kg! foodspo/mealspo thread!! <33:

one medium-sized fried egg? ~ 78 cals!

1 cup matcha protein almond latte? ~ 60 cals!

1 saltine cracker? ~ 10 cals!

½ cup of tomato soup? ~ 105 cals!

⅓ slice of white bread? ~ 22 cals!

⅓ roasted chicken drumstick? ~ 33 cals!

½ cup white rice? ~ 121 cals!

4 oz air-fried salmon? ~ 194 cals!

½ gluten-free medium-sized oatmeal chocolate chip cookie? ~ 33 cals!

diet coke? ~ 0 cals!

do the math and tell me if it’s less than 1000 cals!! <3

remember kids, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels !! <3

iii.

if beauty standards are a person, and the purge is real.

they are the first i’ll tear the door down to

on account of falsifying the determiners of beautiful:

skinny legs tutorial!! look, brandy melville carries a one size fits all??

do you fit in? “bye-bye booty: Heroin chic is back!!”

try this A4 paper thin waist challenge!! see how fat you are??

noo why is th1nsp0 content banned on twitter??

tumblr?? tiktok?? join edtwt!! though, pro-recovery dni!!

(i was in scout camp when i dizzied, circus of purple visions

collapsed with blood soaking my undergarments and

half awoke to blankets that weighed heavier than me on my near dead body;

i still feel the bland slick of porridge forced down my throat.

proana girlies?? mitigating censors in the prospect of

pursuing an early death. ed tumblr diaries of all hedonistic thoughts.)

these are fruits you should avoid as it induces sugar euphoria!!

clean girl aesthetic!! kale smoothies will help you lose weight!!

i walked 20000 steps today to achieve a thigh gap!!

body-checking disguised as ootd and grwm tiktoks

sketchbook detailing rampages of eating disorder content

the striking thump of my collarbones and my wobbly knees

a 2 hour loop subliminal messaging “i am so skinny“ “i am 44.4 kg” “ i am thin—“

SHUSH! SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

this is existing in a society that curbed the living in me,

to strive for an empty heartbeat and rotten-tinged bones for legs

low calorie food still eaten in moderation

the constant desire to clasp my wrist in assurance of how skinny i am

clumsy rhetoric spilled in between sips and spits

of my no calorie pungent pomegranate mineral water

you should skip your lunch too and snacks except

water and maybe some yogurt-zero

starvation is never salvation

thin is glazed over with honey

And so easily fractured with bones

hunger. starving. eat. EAT. EAT!

on december 18 2018, i started recovery

i have relapses, days of unintended calorie deficits;

but i am healing unlearning,

trying, escaping, living ~

…

“you are embarrassed about your blood, its redness, the way it is just coming out of you with no concern for anyone’s feelings. You are … embarrassed to be alive.”

- Carmen Maria Machando

—————

is 90’s thinness coming back? - Mina Le

please stop romanticizing eating disorders on tiktok - Sarah Hawkinson

tiktok is bad for women, actually - Jordon Theresa

The Evolution of Pro Anorexia - Of Herbs and Altars

i lost weight to fit into Brandy Melville - Letao Chen

“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” - Kate Moss

Are you a femcel? - Roisin Lanigan

bye-bye booty: Heroin chic is back - Adriana Diaz

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bioethicists · 2 years

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How are you anti-psychiatry when you're for pathologizing and prescribing damaging, medically unnecessary drugs for people who are GNC. Your true self doesn't lie on a surgeon's table or a pill.

i am not for pathologizing being trans at all actually and i think that its inclusion in the dsm is one of the most glaring proofs that the dsm should be set on fire ♥️ just because hormones are a part of many trans ppl's journeys doesn't mean transness needs to be medicalized. hrt is usually not damaging (and care can be taken to ensure this is the case without fearmongering or shaming) + allows for many ppl to have a greatly enhanced quality of life. my life has been permanently and beautifully changed by testosterone + top surgery has unlocked the possibility of anorexia recovery for me for the first time since i developed an ed at 11.

if you are anti psych- why are you against trans people's right to self-determination? why do you believe that doctors should be able to gatekeep or deny them hrt (even if u think hrt is bad, a liberatory anti psychiatry would affirm their autonomy + right to use drugs that you deem "dangerous" without judgement). why do you believe that gnc ppl should have to retain certain secondary sex traits that you deem "true"? why does your support of gnc ppl end when they want to alter their bodies/pronouns/presentations? why do you believe that trans ppl don't know themselves or are not capable of making informed decisions (sounds like psychiatrist thinking to me lol)?

a liberatory anti psychiatry affirms the right to self-determination in healing for all people, using whichever tools they desire, while creating and maintaining spaces which allow for the use of these tools in the safest and most knowledgeable ways possible. it affirms and celebrates difference as a natural and beautiful part of the human experience + rejects a biomedical model of being which privileges certain biomarkers or genetics as the arbitrators of authenticity or identity. it names and condemns systemic power imbalances + calls for the unconditional liberation of all peoples from all forms of institutional violence.

as you can see here, supporting trans ppl (and being trans myself) is not just a separate opinion i have but rather part of the root of my politic + an unavoidable conclusion of liberatory anti-psychiatry.

#anti psychiatry #transphobia //

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rachellaurengray · 5 months

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Serotonin is a neurotransmitter, a chemical messenger that helps transmit signals in the brain. It plays a crucial role in various functions, including mood regulation, appetite, sleep, and overall emotional well-being. Serotonin is often referred to as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter because of its impact on mood.

Individuals who may experience low serotonin levels could include those with:

1. Depression: Low serotonin is often associated with depressive disorders, and many antidepressant medications aim to increase serotonin levels in the brain.

2. Anxiety disorders: Serotonin imbalances are linked to anxiety disorders, and medications that target serotonin are sometimes prescribed to manage anxiety.

3. Insomnia: Disruptions in serotonin levels can affect sleep patterns, contributing to insomnia or sleep disturbances.

4. Eating disorders: Conditions like bulimia and anorexia nervosa have been associated with alterations in serotonin levels, impacting appetite regulation.

5. Migraines: Serotonin is involved in the regulation of blood vessels, and low levels may contribute to migraines in some individuals.

It's important to note that serotonin levels can be influenced by various factors, including genetics, lifestyle, and environmental factors. If someone suspects they have low serotonin levels and it's affecting their mental health, it's advisable to consult with a healthcare professional for proper evaluation and guidance.

20 easy ways to boost your serotonin levels:

1. Regular exercise: Physical activity triggers the release of serotonin, promoting a positive mood and overall well-being.

2. Balanced diet with complex carbohydrates: Foods rich in tryptophan, like whole grains, contribute to serotonin synthesis, supporting emotional balance.

3. Mindfulness meditation: Practicing mindfulness reduces stress, leading to increased serotonin levels and improved mental health.

4. Adequate sleep: Consistent and quality sleep is crucial for serotonin regulation, influencing mood stability.

5. Exposure to natural sunlight: Sunlight stimulates serotonin production, positively impacting mood and sleep patterns.

6. Socializing and maintaining positive relationships: Positive social interactions foster feelings of connection and contribute to serotonin release.

7. Acts of kindness and helping others: Engaging in altruistic acts activates pleasure centers in the brain, boosting serotonin levels.

8. Engaging in hobbies: Pursuing activities you enjoy promotes a sense of accomplishment, positively influencing serotonin.

9. Listening to music: Music has the power to evoke emotions, triggering the release of serotonin and enhancing mood.

10. Spending time in nature: Nature exposure has been linked to improved mood and increased serotonin production.

11. Massage and touch: Physical touch, like massage, can stimulate serotonin release, promoting relaxation and well-being.

12. Deep breathing exercises: Practices like deep belly breathing reduce stress, supporting serotonin regulation.

13. Gratitude journaling: Reflecting on positive aspects of life enhances feelings of gratitude and potentially boosts serotonin.

14. Laughing: Laughter releases neurotransmitters, including serotonin, contributing to a positive mood.

15. Omega-3 fatty acids: Foods rich in omega-3s, like fatty fish, support serotonin production and overall brain health.

16. Yoga: Combining physical activity with mindfulness, yoga is associated with increased serotonin levels.

17. Regular sleep patterns: Consistent sleep schedules and quality sleep are crucial for serotonin regulation.

18. Limiting caffeine and alcohol: Moderation in caffeine and alcohol intake helps maintain optimal serotonin levels.

19. Positive affirmations: Practicing positive self-talk and affirmations contributes to a positive mindset and serotonin release.

20. Visualization: Imagining positive scenarios stimulates the brain to release serotonin, promoting a sense of well-being.

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loving-n0t-heyting · 1 year

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The fact that the Cali penal code (Sec. 1370.B.i.III) specifically contains provisions for forcing antipsychotics—well attested to impair procedural learning in particular—on defendants to restore their ability to understand and proceed thru their trials, is just fucking crazy. There are explicit instructions and procedures for giving ppl the “bimbofies you so you can’t understand or learn how to do shit” pill against their wills… for the express purpose of helping them understand and follow the most intense bureaucracy they will encounter in their entire lives! Madness!! It’s as though psych wards tried to treat anorexia by giving ppl speed in the hopes it would help them concentrate better on eating, a medicine inducing even in healthy ppl the exact malady it was prescribed to cure

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kiefbowl · 1 year

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I'm messaging you because your answers have always been so well written and grounding. I also hope to get some input from other women that have experience with or advice for what I'm dealing with.

How does one deal with feeling ugly to the point where one avoids almost all mirrors and cries after looking at candid pictures of themselves? Since getting into radical feminism, I've stopped wearing make up and shaving. I've also seriously picked up weightlifting so I'm quite muscular (not ripped though). Physically, I'm the healthiest I've ever been but most of the time, I feel like a monster.

I've always had some kind of body dysmorphia so I cannot even be sure how objective my view of myself is. The only times I've felt "beautiful" where when I had anorexia, wore make up, shaved and dressed in a feminine way.

But... I don't want to *need* to feel beautiful. I could never get myself to starve/wear make up/shave/dress up again, I just want to *be*. Why does simply *being* cause me so much anguish? Why do I hate "being perceived", why do I give it so much importance? How do I stop caring about what others, especially people I don't even like/know, think about me? It also does not help that I'm het-partnered. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that can heal me is to escape to a remote forest, literally not being perceived by anyone for some time. Is this something that just needs time? I'm turning 26 this year, I feel like this problem should have stayed with teenaged me :(

Idk idk... maybe it's time to consider therapy. Sometimes it gets so bad I cannot leave the house. Thank you for any help and I'm sorry to offload this baggage. I would love to hear any radfem-aligned advice :(

I think you should follow your instincts about therapy. I wish I could come up with some amazing new words strung in a way that's going to alter your life, but I don't think I can. I can tell you that if we met, I wouldn't think you're ugly, I'm positive about this even though I've never seen you. I can tell you that I personally know many women who can leave the house no matter what they look like, including me. Not all of those women are happy about it, but they still can. I can tell you that ultimately, I don't put a whole lot of value towards "beauty" for myself, but I'll admit not every day is easy. Generally, I find it easy, but even still I have days where it isn't, despite everything else I believe. You're not alone in that regard.

Not being able to leave the house is something I would consider debilitating, it's something you should take seriously. Even if it's only once in a blue moon, it's more than me. It's more than most people. Most people can leave the house when they need to even in their deepest despair, so if you really can't because you're afraid of how you look and feel about your image and how you're perceived, I would call that debilitating anxiety. It's not frivolous, it's not silly, and you deserve to be well.

When searching for therapists, if you choose that route, look for licensed psychologists or psychiatrists. both can have a talk therapy practice, but generally speaking psychiatrists can prescribe drugs while most psychologists don't (depends on the state and other factors). Many people sell "counseling" without necessarily being licensed or having a doctorate. It's not necessarily wrong, but I would recommend going with someone who's received their doctorate for actually therapy. Remember, that with talk therapy, that's a relationship you're building with your therapist, it can take time to come up with strategies that work for you as they get to know you. Talk therapy might also not be for you, in which case seeing a psychiatrist right away might be a better option as they might get down to the brass tacks and seek a diagnosis quickly, though they might want to prescribe something to you quickly. Weigh these options down, but I do think talking to someone and getting an opinion with a professional will help you. Just like with any medicine, you're allowed to seek out second (or even third or fourth or more) opinions.

I really hope you can find some peace. I'm rooting for you. Keep striving, sis. <3

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explode-this · 1 month

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Waiting in a doctor’s office to talk to a surgeon about hernia things, wondering how much I’ll be judged for my body, whether he’ll think I eat too much when I forget to eat quite consistently, whether my dry cough and wheezing will be assumed as a side effect of fat and not the Covid/flu combo I had a month ago, whether the high blood pressure I had today will be understood as “white coat hypertension” and not “oh she’s just a fat fatty, it’s par for the course innit.” Anticipating being put on another pre surgery diet that can best be described as “prescribed anorexia,” basically a full time job that involves notebooks and vigilance so I don’t fuck it up, knowing that I’ll be blamed when my weight goes back up post-surgery because bodies don’t like to yo-yo.

#cosmic thoughts #argh

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nochd · 1 year

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Naturism as social justice

← Part 1, Part 2

Part 3: Mental health

Guess what kind of mental illness has the highest death rate? No, it's not suicidal depression, it's eating disorders. Anorexia in particular is deadly.

It's usually not a great idea to blame mental illnesses on things in society or the media that we don't like. In most cases it's either wrong or over-simplistic. But eating disorders are the one big exception. Eating disorders are caused by having a negative body image (plus the usual predisposing factors), and negative body image is caused by the depiction of a few idealized body types in the media to the exclusion of all others.

If your own body is a bit saggy and pudgy, and no other body you get to see is even the least bit saggy or pudgy, you start to get the idea that you are a pathologically saggy and pudgy person.

Most people are pretty saggy and pudgy by the standards of the media. These days even supermodels' bodies are Photoshopped to within an inch of their life before they'll let us see them. Whether in sports or ads or movies, we get a very small and idealized selection of the range of human body sizes and shapes held up for us to admire.

And to a point, we can blame capitalism for that. Idealized bodies sell. It's how media companies make money.

But only to a point. Capitalism is riddled with problems, but I'm afraid I hold the unpopular opinion that "Stop capitalisming!" is not a helpful solution to them. There are multiple different problems that will require multiple different fixes.

Idealized bodies sell because we pay to see them. It's hard to think of an alternative that doesn't involve some authority deciding what kind of bodies we shall be allowed to see; and I for one can't imagine how that ends without the authority becoming at least as bad a source of body-shame as what we currently have.

Now there are some who would argue that body-shame is a good thing, because idealized bodies are healthy and shaming people for having un-ideal bodies will motivate them to get healthy. This is wrong on several levels at once.

Weight and fitness are two different things. Fitness is far more important to your health outcomes than weight. Even the smaller difference that weight does make, it only makes if you're unfit -- if you're fit, your weight has no bearing at all on your health.

And at least some of the difference that weight makes, even if you're unfit, is caused by society's perception of weight rather than the weight itself.

How does that work? Well, suppose an obese person goes to a doctor with a moderately serious illness. Suppose the doctor prescribes a weight-loss programme.

Suppose the illness actually has nothing to do with the obesity, and the real cause is missed, and the illness gets worse and the person dies. They're now a mortality statistic because of the misdiagnosis.

But doctors won't make that misdiagnosis on people with "healthy" BMIs. So obese people have a worse shot at being correctly diagnosed and properly treated and surviving.

How will this show up in the statistics? Why, it'll show up as an association between obesity and poor health outcomes. Rinse and repeat.

On top of that, the actual effect of fat-shaming is to discourage obese people from getting fit, because you get fit by exercising, and exercise is when your fat body is most open to being seen and shamed.

I'm sure you can figure out for yourself what effect that has on obese people's fitness, and what effect that has on the statistical association between obesity and poor health outcomes.

Yes. If you shame fat people for being fat, you are not just not helping, you are actively making the problem worse. Don't do it.

I'm afraid that logic still applies if the fat person you're directly shaming is yourself. Other people hear you and infer what you value, and it confirms their own shame.

As I said, I'm not sure we can police the media's depictions of bodies without just creating another source of body-shame. So perhaps the solution lies outside of the media: not in the bodies we see on screens, but in the bodies we see in everyday life.

You know what's been shown by a recent study to help with body image? That's right, naturism. If you grew up seeing naked people a lot, you have a lower risk of developing negative body image.

As far as I know, no study has yet drawn the connection all the way through and shown that naturism helps prevent eating disorders, but given what we do now know, that seems likely.

Part 4 →

#naturism #normalize nudity #naturism as social justice #a human body is a human being #obesity #body-shame #fat-shaming #eating disorders #mental health #fitness #exercise #capitalism #mass media #there are no wrong bodies

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

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Published: Apr 5, 2023

Prisha Mosley was 17 when she was first given testosterone in a clinic in North Carolina, after she had declared to her parents that she was a boy. She had struggled through her teen years with anorexia and depression after a sexual assault. Luka Hein had both breasts removed as a 16-year-old in Nebraska. Chloe Cole, in California, was a year younger when she had her double mastectomy. She had been on testosterone and puberty-blocking drugs since 13, also after a sexual assault.

All three girls were experiencing “gender dysphoria”, a feeling of intense discomfort with their own sexed bodies. Once a rare diagnosis, it has exploded over the past decade. In England and Wales the number of teenagers seeking treatment at the Gender Identity Development Service (gids), the main clinic treating dysphoria, has risen 17-fold since 2011-12 (see chart 1). An analysis by Reuters, a news agency, based on data from Komodo, a health-technology firm, estimated that more than 42,000 American children and teenagers were diagnosed in 2021—three times the count in 2017. Other rich countries, from Australia to Sweden, have also experienced rapid increases.

As the caseload has grown, so has a method of treatment, pioneered in the Netherlands, now known as “gender-affirming care”. It involves acknowledging patients’ feelings about a mismatch between their body and their sense of self and, after a psychological assessment, offering some of them a combination of puberty-blocking drugs, opposite-sex hormones and sometimes surgery to try to ease their discomfort. Komodo’s data suggest around 5,000 teenagers were prescribed puberty-blockers or cross-sex hormones in America in 2021, double the number in 2017.

Dysphoria furoria

The treatment is controversial. In many countries, but in America most of all, it has become yet another front in the culture wars. Many on the left caricature critics of gender-affirming care as callously disregarding extreme distress and even suicides among adolescents with gender dysphoria in their determination to “erase” trans people. Zealots on the right, meanwhile, accuse doctors of being so hell-bent on promoting gender transitions that they “groom” vulnerable teenagers—a term usually applied to paedophiles. In October supporters and critics of gender-affirming care held rival, rowdy protests outside a meeting of the American Academy of Paediatrics. Several American states, such as Florida and Utah, have passed laws banning gender-affirming care in children. Joe Biden, America’s president, has described such laws as “close to sinful”.

Almost all America’s medical authorities support gender-affirming care. But those in Britain, Finland, France, Norway and Sweden, while supporting talking therapy as a first step, have misgivings about the pharmacological and surgical elements of the treatment. A Finnish review, published in 2020, concluded that gender reassignment in children is “experimental” and that treatment should seldom proceed beyond talking therapy. Swedish authorities found that the risks of physical interventions “currently outweigh the possible benefits” and should only be offered in “exceptional cases”. In Britain a review led by Hilary Cass, a paediatrician, found that gender-affirming care had developed without “some of the normal quality controls that are typically applied when new or innovative treatments are introduced”. In 2022 France’s National Academy of Medicine advised doctors to proceed with drugs and surgery only with “great medical caution” and “the greatest reserve”.

There is no question that many children and parents are desperate to get help with gender dysphoria. Some consider the physical elements of gender-affirming care to have been life-saving treatments. But the fact that some patients are harmed is not in doubt either. Ms Mosley, Ms Hein and Ms Cole are all “detransitioners”: they have changed their minds and no longer wish to be seen as male. All three bitterly regret the irreversible effects of their treatment and are angry at doctors who, they say, rushed them into it. Ms Cole considers herself to have been “butchered by institutions we all thought we could trust”.

The transitioning of teenagers has its roots in a treatment protocol developed in the Netherlands in the 1980s and 1990s. It is built on three pillars: puberty-blockers (formally known as gnrh antagonists), cross-sex hormones and surgery. The goal was to alter the patient’s body to more closely match their sense of cross-sex identity, and thereby relieve their mental anguish. A pair of papers published in 2011 and 2014 by Annelou de Vries, one of the Dutch protocol’s pioneers, reported on the experiences of some of the first patients. They concluded that symptoms of depression decreased among patients taking puberty-blockers, and that gender dysphoria “resolved” and psychological functioning “steadily improved” after cross-sex hormones and surgery.

Transition ignition

Puberty-blockers do what their name suggests. The idea is that suspending unwanted sexual development can give patients time to think about their dysphoria, and whether or not they wish to pursue more drastic interventions. The same family of drugs is used to treat “central precocious puberty”, in which puberty begins very early. Some countries also use them to chemically castrate sex offenders. As with many other medicines used in children, the use of puberty-blockers in gender medicine is “off-label”, meaning that they do not have regulatory approval for that purpose.

Patients who decide to proceed with their transition are then prescribed cross-sex hormones. Males will see the development of breasts and alterations to how fat is stored on the body. Giving testosterone to females boosts muscle growth and causes irreversible changes such as deepening the voice, altering the bone structure of the face and the growth of facial hair.

Under the original Dutch protocol, surgery was permitted only after a patient turned 18, although as the cases of Ms Cole and Ms Hein show, in some places mastectomies occur at a younger age. Male patients can have artificial breasts implanted. More elaborate procedures, in which females have a simulated penis built from a tube of skin harvested from the forearm or the thigh, or males have an artificial vagina made in a “penile inversion”, are performed extremely rarely on minors.

In 2020 the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (nice), a British body which reviews the scientific underpinnings of medical treatments, looked at the case for puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones. The academic evidence it found was weak, discouraging and in some cases contradictory. The studies suggest puberty-blockers had little impact on patients. Cross-sex hormones may improve mental health, but the certainty of that finding was low, and nice warned of the unknown risks of lasting side-effects.

For both classes of drug, nice assessed the quality of the papers it analysed as “very low”, its poorest rating. Some studies reported results but made no effort to analyse them for statistical significance. Cross-sex hormones are a lifelong treatment, yet follow-up was short, ranging from one to six years. Most studies followed only a single set of patients, who were given the drugs, instead of comparing them with another set who were not. Without such a “control group”, researchers cannot tell whether anything that happened to the patients in the studies was down to the drugs, to other treatments the patients might be receiving (such as counselling or antidepressants), or to some other, unrelated third factor.

The upshot is that it is hard to know whether any of the supposed effects reported in the studies, whether positive or negative, are actually real. Reviews in Finland and Sweden came to similar conclusions. As the Swedish one put it, “The scientific base is not sufficient to assess…puberty-inhibiting or gender-opposite hormone treatment” in children.

Two American professional bodies, the Endocrine Society (es) and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (wpath) have also reviewed the science underpinning adolescent transitions. But es’s review did not set out to look at whether gender-affirming care helped resolve gender dysphoria or improve mental health by any measure. It focused instead on side-effects, for which it found only weak evidence. This omission, says Gordon Guyatt of McMaster University, makes the review “fundamentally flawed”. wpath, for its part, did look at the psychological effects of blockers and hormones. It found scant, low-quality evidence. Despite these findings, both groups continue to recommend physical treatments for gender dysphoria, and insist that their reviews and the resulting guidelines are sound.

One justification for puberty-blockers is that they “buy time” for children to decide whether to proceed with cross-sex hormones or not. But the data available so far from clinics suggest that almost all decide to go ahead. A Dutch paper published in October concluded that 98% of adolescents prescribed blockers decide to proceed to cross-sex hormones. Similarly high numbers have been reported elsewhere.

The reassuring interpretation is that blockers are being prescribed very precisely, given only to those whose dysphoria is deep-rooted and unlikely to ease. The troubling one is that puberty-blockers lock at least some children in to further treatment. “Time to Think”, a new book about gids by a British journalist, Hannah Barnes, cites British medical workers concerned by the latter possibility. They say patients received blockers after cursory and shallow examinations.

The Dutch researchers weigh both explanations. “It is likely that most people starting [puberty-blockers] experience sustained gender dysphoria,” they write. But, “One cannot exclude the possibility that starting [puberty-blockers] in itself makes adolescents more likely to continue medical transition.”

Perhaps the biggest question is how many of those given drugs and surgery eventually change their minds and “detransition”, having reconciled themselves with their biological sex. Those who do often face fresh anguish as they come to terms with permanent and visible alterations to their bodies.

Once again, good data are scarce. One problem is that those who abandon a transition are likely to stop talking to their doctors, and so disappear from the figures. The estimates that do exist vary by an order of magnitude or more. Some studies have reported detransition rates as low as 1%. But three papers published in 2021 and 2022, which looked at patients in Britain and in America’s armed forces, found that between 7% and 30% of them stopped treatment within a few years.

The original Dutch studies published in 2011 and 2014 were longitudinal—that is, they followed the same group of patients throughout their treatment. Yet three recent critiques published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy nonetheless find fault with the studies’ data.

One of the new studies’ concerns is the small size of the original samples. The 2011 paper looked at 70 patients. But the outcome of treatment was only known for between 32 and 55 of them (the exact number depends on the specific measure). And even then, the final assessment of outcomes occurred around 18 months after surgery—a very short timeframe for a treatment whose effects will last a lifetime. (The first patient, “FG”, was followed for longer. In 2011, when in his mid-30s, researchers reported his feelings of “shame about his genital appearance” and of “inadequacy in sexual matters”. A decade later though, things had improved, and FG had a steady girlfriend.)

The critiques also suggest that the finding that gender dysphoria improved with treatment may have been an artefact of how the participants were assessed. Before treatment, female patients were asked to agree or disagree with such statements as, “Every time someone treats me like a girl I feel hurt.” This established their desire to be seen as male. After blockers, hormones and surgery the same individuals were asked questions on a scale originally developed for those born male. It offered statements such as, “Every time someone treats me like a boy I feel hurt.” Naturally, patients who preferred to be seen as male disagreed. In effect, the yardstick was changed in a way that might be seen as making positive outcomes more likely.

Finally, the original studies seem to have inadvertently cherry-picked patients for whom the treatment was most effective. The researchers started with 111 adolescents, but excluded those whose treatment with puberty-blockers did not progress well. Of the remaining 70, others were omitted from the final findings because they did not return questionnaires, or explicitly refused to do so, or dropped out of care or, in one case, died of complications from genital surgery. The data may therefore exclude precisely those patients who were harmed by or dissatisfied with their treatment.

In a rebuttal published in the same journal, Dr de Vries insists that the original papers found a significant improvement in gender dysphoria, the condition the protocol was designed to treat. She concedes that the switching of assessment scales is “not ideal” but says this does not imply the studies’ results were “’falsely’ measured”. In response to worries about the relatively short follow-up, she noted that a study reporting longer-term outcomes is due “in the upcoming years”.

What is more, whatever the merits of the Dutch team’s original research, the patients passing through modern clinics are strikingly different from those assessed in their papers. Twenty years ago the majority of patients were pre-pubescent boys; in recent years teenage girls have come to dominate (see chart 2). The findings of older research may not apply to today’s patients.

The Dutch team’s approach was deliberately conservative. Patients had to have suffered from gender dysphoria since before puberty. Many of today’s patients say they began to suffer from dysphoria as teenagers. The Dutch protocol excludes those with mental-health problems from receiving treatment. But 70% or more of the young people seeking treatment suffer from mental-health problems, according to three recent papers looking at patients in America, Australia and Finland.

Despite the protocol’s caution, says Will Malone of the Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine, an international group of concerned clinicians, the reality is often the reverse, especially in America, with mental-health issues becoming a reason to proceed with transitions, rather than to stop them. “We are now told that if we don’t address young people’s mental-health problems caused by dysphoria with transition, they will kill themselves.”

Gender agenda

The original Dutch protocol emphasises the need for careful screening and assessments, as do official guidelines in most countries. But whatever the guidance, there are persistent allegations that it is not being followed in practice. “I had one 15-minute appointment before I was given testosterone,” says Ms Mosley. Many American patients contacted by The Economist reported similarly brief examinations.

The possibility that many teenagers presenting as trans could instead be gay has long been discussed. The Dutch study of 2011 found that 97% of the participants were attracted either to their own sex or to both sexes. In 2019 a group of doctors who resigned from gids told the Times, a British newspaper, of their worries about homophobia in some patients and parents. They worried that, by turning children into simulacra of the opposite sex, the clinic was, in effect, providing a new type of “conversion therapy” for gay children.

Both within America and without, whatever the loudmouths may claim, the vast majority of practitioners are simply trying to ease the genuine suffering of adolescents afflicted by gender dysphoria. But in America in particular the charged atmosphere has made it very difficult to separate the science from the politics.

European medical systems have not concluded that it is always wrong for an adolescent to transition. They are not trying to erase distressed patients. They have simply determined that more research and data are needed before physical treatments for gender dysphoria can become routine. Further research could, conceivably, lead to guidelines similar to those already in use by American medical bodies. But that is another way of saying that it is impossible to justify the current recommendations about gender-affirming care based on the existing data.

[ Via: https://archive.is/oeQ6F ]

#queer theory #weak evidence #gender ideology #medical transition #puberty blockers #cross sex hormones #wrong sex hormones #ideological capture #affirm or suicide #affirmation model #gender affirming #gender affirmation #affirmation #Dutch protocol #gay conversion therapy #conversion therapy #medical experimentation #medical experiment #religion is a mental illness

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