#but there's a reason why it is a horror trope and not a common romance plot

[ladsofsorrow24]

i think some of you are too used to genre conventions, you guys forgot to question the worldbuilding that many authors painstakingly made to question the subject of death and life in a more nuanced manner than just "wow resurrection is so romantic!"

#like yeah i do love romanticizing horror tropes at times #but there's a reason why it is a horror trope and not a common romance plot #necromancy... especially mixing an individual's soul with that of another species is something that can be disturbing #doesn't matter if the one who's doing the resurrecting or the one get resurrected is in love #think about how falin feels knowing that even though marcille and laios loved her they ended up taking a decision #that not only hurts her physically but also emotionally #being stripped of control from your own body... not being able to do anything but follow your master's command... #falin did not asked to be the chimera #but that's what makes her decision to take the red dragon with her before she wakes up so cathartic in some ways #she also acknowledged that the red dragon did not ask for this to happen... just like how she forgives the lil guy she also #forgives her brother and marcille for taking this very... bad decision because she understands they're just as desperate #as she is when she tried to save them before she died #it circles back to the theme of accepting death and how resurrection magic ended up making people too comfortable #with the act of mindless killing of other living creatures #but yeah sadly people only see the surface level stuff but don't actively tried to understand the significance behind the plot #i can't really blame anime-only but people who read the manga tho... #if you only understand it as a romance trope and be like 'oh everyone else is just stupid' maybe you need to reread the manga #at least once a month #to understand ryoko kui's writing better #tmi tag

[midnightshade]

GojoHime: Evidence and Discussion

Jujutsu Kaisen isn't a romance series. It's a horror action series that focuses more on platonic bonds and camaraderie between its characters. That being said, just as any shounen series, it has its fair share of ships, each with its own assortment of crumbs and small details.

GojoHime is a particularly interesting ship to look at. Being a massive fan of it myself,  it's fun to pick through the evidence that supports it. I'd like to share the evidence that I and many other GojoHime fans have found. I'll be starting with the smaller, weaker evidence first and working my way up to the strongest evidence.

Before I start in earnest, I want to clarify that this isn't made to attack any other ship. People can ship whatever they want, and no ship in the series is canon (aside from exceptions like Hakari and Kirara). I like GojoHime so I want to talk about it. That's really it.

With that out of the way, let's begin.

First, let's start with the evidence outside of the manga itself. This one isn't very compelling, but it is cute. In Japan, there is a chip brand called Bakauke. Bakauke has two mascots known as Borin and Barin, who are girlfriend and boyfriend. When Bakauke collabed with Jujutsu Kaisen, Utahime and Gojo were chosen to represent the Borin and Barin respectively, thus being depicted as girlfriend and boyfriend.

Moving on to evidence found within the actual manga, we see that on the splash page for Gojo and Utahime, the print behind them depicts arrows known as a Yagasuri pattern. In Japan, this is a symbol often used for weddings. It's meant for good luck because "a shot arrow does not return," and therefore, a married woman does not (or should not) return to her parents.

We also see depictions of them under an umbrella often used at weddings. Sharing an umbrella is also a common romantic trope in Japan.

Other smaller evidence exists in the form of their phone call. This consists a beeper code, where the number of their call spells out "I like you" in code, and another interesting detail is that Satoru calls Utahime from his recent contacts, implying that he calls her often.

Gojo and Utahime were made to be opposites. Aside from the obvious "opposites attract" trope, it creates a compelling visual story between them. Man and woman, strong and weak, modern and traditional, blue and red. Satoru hates alcohol and loves sweets while Utahime loves alcohol but hates sweets.

Gege said Gojo only puts down his Technique with people he trusts, which we see him do with Utahime. He trusts her enough to have to actively put his Technique back in place after she throws a teacup at him.

Moving on to some of the strongest and most convincing evidence, we have Waka Inoue, Utahime's very own technique, and Gege's past works.

Gojo had a picture of Waka Inoue as his background as a teenager. He clearly finds her attractive, as is common, considering she's a popular model, but the reason why this is important is that Inoue shares a lot of similarities with Utahime.

Both women have noticeable bangs, they're the same height (166cm), and they share a love for alcohol, karaoke, and sports, specifically baseball. Waka is described once as a "competitive crybaby who hates to lose," and as we see in the Anime, Gojo has a way of firing Utahime up and she is also prone to being a bit of a scaredy-cat and a crybaby. We also see her more competitive side come out during the baseball tournament between Kyoto and Tokyo.

Moving on to Utahime's Cursed Technique, as some Japanese fans have pointed out, Utahime's Soro Soro Kinku (Solo Forbidden Area) is based on a real love song about forbidden love with lyrics about a masked lover. The records from the singer, Akina Nakamori, are called Utahime records, and the singer even does Gojo's unlimited void hand sign during her live performances of her song, "Fin."

The most compelling bit of evidence for me is Gege's past works. Two of his three one-shot manga have characters who are very similar to Gojo and Utahime. The male protagonist is usually cocky and teases the female protagonist, while the female protagonist gets annoyed at his antics but is otherwise down to earth and kind.

In Nikai Bongai Barabarujura, the protagonist, Noroma, reminds me of teen Gojo in appearance and behavior. He is "the strongest" who teases Nodoka, the female protagonist, for being weak but has an obvious respect for her drive and inner strength.

In Kamishiro Sosa, we have a similar set-up as before. The male protagonist, Ganji, is very energetic and careless with the female protagonist, Rekko's, feelings, and is seen to have a very similar type of banter as Gojo and Utahime have.

Gege clearly likes that type of pairing, which isn't surprising given the bickering couple and rivals to lovers is a popular trope in romance. It's not unusual for Mangaka to reuse old ideas, and that seems to be what happened with Gojo and Utahime. Even their appearances share similarities.

As you can see, GojoHime has a lot of thought put into it, and it's very interesting to see the little details Gege has put into their dynamic. There's definitely a reason why so many adore this pairing, and I'm glad Gege has paid attention to that.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojohime #gouta #gojo satoru #iori Utahime #forbidden writings #jjk meta

[olderthannetfic]

Jeez, this entire drawn out convo is embarrassing and done to death. BL is romance. It's bound to the same romance tropes as MF and FF, id-driven as many of them are. If you don't like how a male character is written, that just means you don't like the story; move on. A lot of romance and horror both function on the premise of "romanticizing" and "fetishizing" things that wouldn't be desirable in real life. Yes, horror movies do portray murder as something fun for the audience. That's why people like slashers flicks from the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. It even became a trend that people would watch the intro of the slasher to see which teenagers are the most annoying, so it's fun when Jason or Freddy or Michael Meyers, or whoever kills them gruesomely. That's why we love the Final Destination films! That's why we like Saw! It's why we like The Evil Dead! It's why we like Wrong Turn! It's why we like Scream! Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Child's Play, Halloween! They're tropey horror slashers with elaborate, gorey murder scenes that become such spectacles of themselves that by the end of the franchises, there's so much blood and viscera that the scenes are parodies of themselves. They're beloved all over the world. And people cheer for the murders in theaters! People love cheering for Freddy Krueger and Michael Meyers, and Jason when they disembowl some 15 year old who was probably just off drinking illegally with their friends. People love cheering for them so much, that there're are crossover films so we can cheer as they fight each other. These are such well-known tropes in horror that they've become cemented in popular culture, so movies like Cabin in the Woods are made. It's popular, extremely so, and I don't know how someone can go 20 years of life and not realize this. Just like how people like reading Twilight wherein Edward basically stalks Bella. Women don't want to be stalked in real life, but they like Edward because it's just a story. No one wants to date a man like Christian Gray in real life, but he's hot in a story. No one wants a guy like Ryouma Ichijou in real life, but it's fun in a tropey BL. The audience is supposed to like him because they want the main couple to get together. If it's not your thing, just don't watch it and move on to something else. The world will keep spinning.

And a lot of people like stories from the antagonists' perspective because it's interesting. This doesn't appear often in things made for children because it's for children, so it has some small responsibility of modeling behavior... because it's for kids. Things for adults don't have all these restrictions because as an adult, you should be able to judge right from wrong in real life, so you can just relax and watch Hannibal Lector abuse and manipulate Will in Hannibal without having an existential crisis about the moral fabric of society decaying. If you can't handle it, you should leave the training wheels on because genre fiction for adults will not always hold you hand--because you're an adult, and you should have common sense to know "murder/sexual assault/stalking/harassment/etc is bad in real life." Children below the ages of 4-5 aren't supposed to watch things like Spongebob for this same reason: they can't tell the difference. If you're an adult, you should be capable of that much, at least.

BL studies is an established academic field that discusses and examines BL across the world in different media forms: manga, manhwa, manhua, anime, donghua, live action, etc. from different countries. Read articles from professionals. Learn about BL and geicomi since apparently it also has to be reiterated that the characters in BL--yes, even the thin, waifs--look like straight men in East Asia. They're ikemen. There are different stereotypes of what queer men look like all over the world, wild concept, I know. The stereotype of what gay men look like in E. Asia are chubby bears, like plumbers, or super ripped men, like the body types typically featured in geicomi, the stories made by men for a male target audience.

Yes, many popular youtubers/breadtubers say convertly puritanical talking points in their videos. Few, if any, actually have media literacy. And few are actually transgressive or nuanced in their discussions of fiction or fandom. If they were, Google wouldn't promote them. You should try reading up more about radfem/TERF theory to recognize these talking points. Everyone who thinks these things isn't walking around around with a neon sign. You should know, since you actually share many of their harmful beliefs, but I doubt you'd call yourself a TERF or a radfem. Read Nancy Friday books like My Secret Garden to learn more about taboo sexual fantasies are how normal they are.

Read BL studies articles to actually learn history, read some Nancy Friday books to get over this weird projection of morality and kink in fantasy, and actually listen when people are correcting you because there's decades if not centuries of research refuting all your "points." No one is saying you have to like these stories for yourself, but you do have to realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and other people will always like different things and that's fine. These stories and discussions have always happened and they're fueled by misogyny and homophobia, as well as a desire for censorship. Read some Oscar Wilde essays too or even more recent BL manga/hwa/etc. BL anime doesn't get produced often because animation is expensive. It's 2023. Why are we pretending that Love Stage is representative of current trends in BL across different countries in different mediums, genres, magazines/publishers since Love Stage came out in the early 2000s?

--

[anthrotographer]

Challengers (2024) | A review w/ spoilers*

Tumblr is not going to like my review, I already know. I acknowledge this movie wasn't made for me, but I feel I give credit where it's due.

Last night I had a staggering movie going experience. I felt like I was being sold a lie a minute sitting through the agonizing commercials, the movie previews, and till the end of Challengers. Back to back promos for military branches, painting them as organizations of peace and innovation (a rally during war time). I understand there’s nothing new about that experience. Consumerism and propaganda tactics have a long tradition at the cinema. We’ve been advertised a false reality for so long it’s hard to think about our world without using the images fed to us to line that canvas. Take how modern horror treats rural living. It’s very common to see (in fact I saw) a movie trailer where a young couple vacations in a secluded part of the country to get away from it all. The idea of ruralism as a peaceful alternative to stressful urban living is benign and actually has some merit to think about in a country as urbanized and unhappy as ours. Yet the common movie trope is that there are evil forces lurking in the dark outskirts, that living ‘out there’ turns people into kooks or murderous cultists. One movie by itself with this premise can be harmless, but within a whole genre that trends this way it feels insidious. Almost like we are supposed to all fear each other. Challengers is another example of a genre movie that warps human reality into a lifeless opportunity to sell things. 

When a movie feels more like a commercial or a music video then why even bother with the movie going experience. The distinguishers between television and film are fading away over time. In one particularly unabashed scene we cut between three different product placements for Coke, Adidas, and the U.S. Open. It was shameless, the way Josh O’Connor was most likely told to hold that CocaCola label perfectly centered in the frame. Those three brands are far from the only ones displayed. Tennis, and sports events in general, flash a ton of advertising so I understand that the film’s stuck in that universe. Still there are ways to artfully sidestep brazen product placement. 

I don’t want to spend much time trying to analyze the relationship between Tashi, Art and Patrick. The film doesn’t give you enough about why these three are fatefully attached to each other besides vapid attractions. Yes all three are enamored by one another but what’s the motivation to stay in this toxic ménage à trois dynamic for so long? Zendaya plays Tashi, a master manipulator trying to mold her husband Art Donaldson into the star tennis player she was supposed to be before her injury. And her “little white boys” Art and Patrick feel like pawns that are content to be pawns. Men who don’t have any freewill and are solely motivated by their lust for this supermodel of a woman. In a way I don’t blame them. My disconnect comes because there’s a lack of depth with the characters and their relationships. Each of them seems to have a singular focus; Tashi wants vicarious glory through Art, Art wants to be loved, and Patrick wants Art’s life. But there is no depth to the desires. Time is never spent on why Tashi loves tennis more than people or why Art and Pat let their, supposedly strong bond, get broken so easily by a “home wrecker” that forecasted her own home wrecking. And look, as a seductive art piece it succeeds, for the most part, but as a story about real people it reduces its characters to their base desires while pretending they are complex. Maybe I don’t understand Romance—as I’ve been told. I am content to treat it as just a romantic fantasy and give it credit for being hot, but it was also a long drawn out tease. 

There was no reason for this experience to be more than two hours long! Half of it was in never ending slow-mo where I felt like the same tennis ball was being served for half an hour. The dreaded slow motion, which can be good for a sporty movie to capture athletic movements and build suspense, but here it was overused to a point where it left us thinking “get on with it already”.  Thank goodness some of my theater neighbors were also moaning about this because I felt alone, trapped in a drugged fugue state. So much of the film was disorienting. For a period you are meant to feel like a tennis ball being battered around through the camera. Editing wise this movie had the same problem that so many modern movies have; death from a thousand cuts. And the slowly unraveling chopped timeline executed so many arbitrary flashbacks and flash forwards. Eight weeks before, two days forward, then a five year flashback, all when you could tell this story sequentially with similar suspense building and less confusion. 

Seeing this movie was a spur of the moment, going in blind experience. I know now that I was not the target audience. Today I mentioned it to a friend and he ended up watching the trailer. The text I got back: “looked like a bit of a teenager movie”. I don’t mean to spoil the enjoyment for anyone with this review. From a certain angle I did have fun with Challengers. Sometimes simply devouring some eye candy is what the mood demands. 

If you found my writing at all interesting please visit and follow it on Substack!

#movie review #movies #film #movie poster #film review #zendaya #zenday coleman #josh o'connor #mike faist #luca guadagnino #challengers #challengers 2024 #romance #tennis #propaganda #anthrotographer

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @wordwizards

Who You Are:

Buddy || He/it

My day job is at a dental implant laboratory, which I really enjoy, but I also have the passion for writing that I like to keep on the side. I'm also a bit of a lame college dropout.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Horror, paranormal, and sci-fi. New adult and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

I think I would stick with science fiction since I like coming up with rational in-universe explanations for the fantastical things that exist in my stories. But honestly, I wouldn't like being stuck with one genre.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Oddly enough, as much as I like reading historical fiction, I don't like writing it because I can't stop myself from overthinking the historical accuracy of what I'm writing…even though I know readers wouldn't care. Just hard to focus on the story when I'm spending all my time worrying about which slang terms existed in the time period!

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

I definitely write with the intended audience of people in my age group, but I could see why someone much older or younger than me might read my books. It's not just about relating to the protagonist's age, or relating to the protagonist at all. Well, I read many books where I'm definitely not in the target audience, and I do have moments where I have to think, "Okay, I can tell this is not for me," but I also find it interesting to get other people's perspectives through the things they like. (And I'm kind of just over-analyzing because that's all I do with fiction now.)

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

When it comes to specific tropes, I like working with ones that I am currently interested in researching. For example, my latest interest is '50s alien invasion movies, so I like researching things common in those films and using them for my current project. As for themes, I've noticed that family is a big one, of course focusing less on "blood is thicker than water!" and more on things like how your parents affect your adult life and how to find who you consider your family. And since I have fairly character-driven stories there are usually themes of things like self-worth, figuring out your identity, or stuff like improving on yourself.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

One that really gets on my nerves is when authors just randomly pair up side characters for the sake of a happy ending to the story, even though you have no reason to care about the characters dating. I find it annoying because I know the author is thinking to themselves that there has to be romance for the ending to be happy, but I don't see why that's the case! I've known many people unhappier in relationships than single, and seeing that in fiction is a reminder of how irritating people can be when you're happy to not date.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

My main project is a story called Technophobia. Technically, I made the main characters in high school, but I kind of ping-ponged them around a few story concepts before coming up with an actual thing to write with them more recently.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I just enjoy trying to translate things in my brain. I think it's good practice for if I get around to telling people how I'm feeling. And I keep going because I daydream constantly when I'm bored, so I come up with proper stories for them later.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

I started writing for my creative writing lessons in the fifth grade, but I thought it was great and kept going after that. I liked reading a lot as a kid, I mean a LOT, and I also liked to daydream stories to help myself sleep. I didn't think much about proper story structure or writing techniques, but I had plenty of ideas, and it felt good to get it written down.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

I think definitely from reading, and I'm not just talking fiction, though that's obviously very helpful in learning more about writing. But also nonfiction helps with writing a lot, and I think research is where I get most of my inspiration. It's nothing too fancy, but sometimes I'll spend a lot of time reading about something like radios, and I think, "Okay cool! What do I do with this?" and suddenly I'm writing a story about a person who's obsessed with collecting shortwave radios!

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

Probably my latest rough draft just because I struggled to keep motivated with it and I'm very happy that I was able to finish the first version of the story!

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I haven't, but I keep going back and forth about whether I want to or not. I'd definitely like to share my finished projects somehow.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Honestly, when I consider publishing, it's usually because I'm concerned about money and wonder if monetizing my main hobby would help me out. And that's great, but that's also my concern - like when you see people avoiding the things they genuinely like to focus more on what makes them money about it. I don't want that to happen, but you know, bills!

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

I love starting stuff when I first have the inspiration and motivation, and the idea is all "shiny new". But finding out when to be finished is so hard for me because I keep overthinking it! Eventually I just need to tell myself, "Okay, it's done, it only looks bad because I've been reading the same passage all day. Leave it alone!"

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

I feel like calling it a "process" is a little too formal for my mess, but usually, I go to the desk in my bedroom and listen to music loosely connected with whatever I'm writing (the current project involves a lot of '80s hair metal) to write. I'm also fond of writing in Comic Sans to make it seem less serious (and then switching it to a fancier font that I prefer later), and if I'm extremely worried about getting embarrassed by what I'm writing, I'll use the Wingdings font. I also keep an Excel Spreadsheet where I track my writing periods. I put in the start and end time and the word count change, and I have a variety of formulas going to keep track of what I'm doing daily/monthly/yearly. For the first draft I like to just start writing whatever, and I tend to keep it very short, like maybe 10k words. After that I start doing a proper story outline and I keep a lot of notes of things I liked and disliked about the first little story I wrote. I try to get as detailed as possible to help myself out. I have a bad habit of constantly rewriting the first scenes so I'll often just write "PUT A BETTER INTRO" which is also what I do for school essays.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

Probably 2 years. I had a sideblog and then I wanted to make a new blog so I just made it my writeblr. I got tired of the other stuff I was posting on social media and I decided that I should just focus on the stuff I like, which is my own projects, so now I have that.

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

Man I love all my mutuals!! I've been in a writing server created by @writing-with-melon and it's a really positive experience. Also I read the first draft of @lady-grace-pens 's story and it's awesome!

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

I just think it's cool that you can see a bunch of different people at wildly different stages of their projects. I like to go into the main tags and see one person talking about getting published, immediately followed by another person talking about how they're just getting started. I also think that helps you feel less guilty about where you "should" be in writing.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

Personally, I find it very annoying when a blogger is saying that no one shares their posts, but they rarely share other people's posts. I think people are scared of burying their own stuff, but now they're all too afraid to interact with one another! I don't know how to fix it but I do keep separate tags for my writing and stuff I'm reblogging, so that might help, or reblogging your own stuff multiple times? I don't know, but I just try not to be bitter towards people on my blog.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I like to go into the main tags to queue things on my blog often. I do also try to tag commentary when I'm sharing someone's story, but I feel like I ought to be more detailed with those, and I definitely want to send more people asks - especially when they share ask games.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Love sharing short stories or snippets people post! I just like reading all that.

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

I keep dropping random lore about my stories when I feel like it.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

I'm not really anywhere else, but my personal sideblog is called @thehauntedbeach, and my Pinterest page is under the username wordwizards as well.

#iwaw #writeblr celebration #writeblr event #writing community #writeblr

[helpicant-stop]

for the trope game, consider the humble vampire

(vampire au, your thoughts? how to do it well, how to do it less well? the microphone is yours)

A: Love it. Spend my time combing AO3 for it.

as you know i myself have a vampire au (go read it here) and in general i absolutely love love vampire aus! of course some fics do it horribly wrong and makes me take 99999 psychic damage points but in general the concept is simply so Intriguing to me

i think a lot of people (i'm guilty of this too) tend to make wilbur the vampire but ouyghhhh there is just something so *** about vampire or otherwise inhuman quackity, which is why i usually don't go for the ones where he's human and wilbur's a vampire (which for some reason is also the most common?) but instead find the ones where he's the vampire or some other Creature like in my fic

ngl i do think wilbur is kind of predisposed to vampirism like the red eyes and the white streak and the britishness and the undead thing and the poshness and vaguely goth aura all point to him being a vampire but i really would love an au where he's just some weirdo who reads a lot of vampire romance or something

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT TNTDUO!!!! i must talk about ctinarose

something i've never told anyone is my secret carmilla (1872) inspired au with vampire hannah and human tina like it makes me SOOO deranged you have no idea like hannah's this misunderstood vampire who's done shitty things in the past but tina sees past that and into the good inside and i just. ough

the inherently sapphic act of having a strange new friend who wants to drink your blood.... my gawd

vampires in a non-romantic context also really get me like they really are just Guys. 2 years ago when i still liked sbi i had this au where tommy, techno and wilbur were all residents of this ramshackle old mansion and phil was like a fucking osha / social worker employee or something checking for the state of the house and also why there was some random kid living in it.

then he finds out that techno is a werepig (turns from a big scary guy into a cute little pig on the full moon), tommy is a ghost from... whatever time hamilton took place (idk im not american) that died in battle, and wilbur is a vampire that's been maintaining a single sourdough starter for over 200 years. he doesnt even drink blood or anything hes just some guy

i also had this not really an au more like a concept type thing where cpuffy was this sheep shepherd who got bitten by a vampire bat, grew fangs and started drinking the blood of sheep like some ovine chupacabra. very found footage horror vibes

the physiology of the vampire also intrigues me like it can definitely be done wrong (ie whatever twilight had goin on) but there are SO many ways to do it right and im so fascinated by the millions of possible ways a vampire can be from realistic fantasy to sci fi to straight up magic. i love it

#chitter #long post #asks!! #march🫗 #tlatm #ask game

[therubyreader]

My Review of Lockwood and Co. [Netflix]

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Review Word Count, non-spoiler: 871 Review Word Count Total: 1,517

Trigger warning for the contents of this show: death, violence, creepy ghost faces, mild horror, very brief gun violence (let me know if I missed any)

I know, this isn't a book, technically. While I am usually a book/book review blog I have come with my first ever tv show review that's based on a book series so close enough. Now I know what you're saying, "Val, why don't you just read the books, it'll fit your concept" but quite frankly I don't want to. This isn't meant to be a diss towards the author, I'm sure the books are great, but it's just because the ven diagram of books I like to read and movies/shows I like to watch mostly overlaps save for a few things like ghost stories. I honestly don't know why I can't read ghost books but I can watch ghost shows and movies, for the most part because I am a wimp so it can't be too scary. But I have heard multiple people say that it's the most accurate book to screen adaptation ever so I will trust those people and we'll count this towards my book review list.

Anyways, about the show. Lockwood and Co. takes place in an alternate reality London where ghosts are real and they pose a threat to the city at large, because if you get touched by one you die. In this reality the only people who can see ghosts are gifted children, they posses some combination of either ghost sight, touch, or hearing, but usually one more so than the others, and they are able to use these gifts to track down and contain these ghosts. As they age their gifts start to fade so the entire ghost containment industry is staffed by child soldiers.

Now we get to our main character, Lucy Carlyle who is a listener, and after a ghost hunting adventure gone wrong, leading to the death of some of her friends, she leaves her small town in northern England for London hoping to create a fresh start for herself there. After unsuccessfully trying to join a prestigious London agency she manages to find Lockwood and Co. (roll credits) a ghost hunting agency run by two teenage boys, Anthony Lockwood, the one who's name is on the door, and his best friend George Karim. Lucy joins up with them and together they hunt down ghosts and solve the mysteries that take place over the course of the first two books in the series.

I do have so much to say about this show but for the sake of your eyes I'll try to keep it short, key word try. Overall I loved it, this show has a good mix of action, mystery, comedy, and even a slow burn romance (which I will get to in more detail in the spoiler part of the review). If you can stomach the aforementioned content warnings then I recommend the show to you. It honestly has something for everyone, and if you're not super into plot (which I don't know why you wouldn't be) the characters do really carry a lot of the story. Their internal battles and struggles propel the story forward just as much as the actual ghost hunting. You can see these characters really learn and grow over the course of the show, and they make mistakes and have real problems that most people can relate to. There is also a found family trope which I absolutely love, because who isn't a sucker for found family, and there's even a point where Lucy calls them her family which I thought was cute and sweet.

Something that I don't think this show gets enough credit for is the lighting. Now I'm not an expert on cinematography, I literally took one film class in college and it's been two years since that happened so I'm just winging it here, but the lighting of the show is great. I know its been a common theme for a lot of media recently to be horribly lit, like everything is super dark for no reason, but this show, despite most of the action taking place at night, was well lit, you could see what was happening. I hope the editors of the show win multiple awards for that and also the rest of the editing. The ghosts, for the most part, don't look super cheesy and weird. Sure the first one is kind of cartoony but the rest of the series has ghosts that look pretty creepy and you can understand the fear the characters feel. There are also different types of ghosts that all look different despite all being ghosts and the editors do a great job of making them all look unique and scary but also ghostly.

I am really really really hoping Netflix renews the show for a second season and beyond because it was just so good. I honestly binged it in one day and I'm rewatching it right now with my brother because I need him to experience it. It's honestly at the point where I keep checking google at least once a day to see if it's been renewed. If it isn't I'll actually cry for real. But yes, I recommend this show to quite literally everyone, please watch it, I need another season especially after the cliffhanger ending.

Spoilers Below!!!

You all know I have to talk about it: Locklyle. Listen, I am a sucker for a good slow burn but on the other hand I am extremely inpatient so I want it to happen now. According to my research (because I'm a fucking nerd) Lockwood and Lucy don't get together in the books which is upsetting, apparently it's only implied at the very end of the last book which is kind of rude tbh. It looks like the writers are playing into the fact that they like each other so I hope it becomes cannon in the show because if all that build up is for nothing I will cry.

My favorite part of the whole Locklyle thing is when on two separate occasions Lockwood was confronted with how him and Lucy look at each other by two separate people. And they're right, the way they look at each other is adorable (hey God, I know you're tired of me, but hear me out). Also the way that they would just casually hold hands? Like if you blinked you would miss it, that's just how casual and cute they were and I ate it up.

The previously mentioned research was me trying to find out what exactly the necklace that Lockwood gave Lucy was. Which, side note, was super cute and the fact that Lucy just kept it on for the rest of season if I'm remembering correctly. But, going back to the research, I was trying to figure out what the necklace actually was, like I can't make out what the shape of it is, which book readers please tell me what it's supposed to be I don't care if you spoil the plot for me. I did come across an article that mentioned the necklace but also that Lucy and Lockwood don't end up dating in the books which is why I was talking about that earlier, and I swear to everything holy the show writers better not do that to me.

On to my main dude George, aka probably my favorite character. With the exception of him being mesmerized by the mirror and making dumb choices because of it, he was a solid dude. My favorite part is definitely when they're in the graveyard and he's just talking shit about all of the kids on night watch and when one of them hears him he just tells her to "go write a poem about it" and I was losing my mind, it was so funny.

I feel like George is so underrated, every time I look into the Lockwood and Co. tag on here there are just posts about either Locklyle or Lockwood x reader fan fiction but nothing for my main dude George. This isn't to say I read the fan fics, I haven't read any since I was in my teens (once again, being old on main) but also because the characters are technically teenagers, even though the actors that portray them are my age, reading fan fic about kids as a grown adult feels icky. Also this isn't me trying to discredit any of the authors, I'm in support of you all, it's just not my thing. But can we please have more George related content, he is so good and pure, and also I have a newfound crush on Ali Hadji-Heshmati that needs to be fueled.

Honestly I could keep talking for ages about this show, and I honestly might especially since I'm rewatching it and looking to see if I can pick up on any new details that I missed, so I guess be making more posts about the show as time goes on. But if there were any scenes in the show that you want me to talk about, drop an ask, I'm down to scream and fan girl about it for the rest of forever.

Tag list: @batteredbooks @chibi-chellist

#lockwood and co #val's book reviews #(but not really) #lockwood and co spoilers #netflix

[the-apostates-martyr]

So I'm only dipping my toes in "interview..." fandom and I might be swinging on hornets' nest here but

Why is Armand/Marius such a popular ship? Wasn't Armand like 15 when they met?

Woooo ok now this is an ask, Anon, and one I'm excited to answer!

I'm going to preference this with warnings though. Talk of Marius/Armand always leads to talk of Marius/Amadeo, which is discussion of consent, underage sex, historical changes of behavior, abuse, rape, and physical punishment. Just to round out the categories.

Yes, Armand, or Amadeo as Marius named him, was 15 when Marius bought him from a brothel and yes they were immediately lovers. Marius and Armand's relationship is between a fifteen year old mortal and a 1500 year old vampire in the body of a 40 year old man. Get that clear and out of the way.

Now as to your question, why do people ship it? Well. A lot of reasons. Let's start with the fact that TVA I. The Venice years is written as a love story. It's a romance. And I know some people will point out that it can't be a romance story, it's noncon/dubcon/statutory etc. But that doesn't mean it's not a romance. Romance can be and often is full of Proeblantic Content. Let's looks at just some of the romance tropes M/A hits on-

Teacher/Student. Tale as old as time. It's a very basic erotic fantasy, the older man, the one in authority, the one who will guide you and teach you and look after you. Marius is teacher to Amadeo, in the ways of art, history, language, culture. The power unbalance is implicit in this kink

Rescue Fantasy - another common one, as much emotional as physical or sexual. So many people who live in absusive homes or relationships or live with the trauma of that abuse fantasize about someone coming to take them away from it all, be it a pirate captain, a Viking warlord, or One Direction

Incest- like it or not incest is a hell of a kink. Everyone's mom got off to Flowers in the Attic, and there's been media for ages that deals romantically with incest. Angel Sanctuary comes to mind. Marius refers to Armand as his son and raises him as one in many ways. It's another part of the taboo power play.

Whisked Away- this is the one talked about the most in fandom circles and it's related to Rescue Fantasy. This is the captured bride, the arranged marriage, the sold to a king, the harem, the war bride, the sex slave. "Oh I can't let myself enjoy my body and my desires but what if someone stole me and made me and I had no choice?"

"ok but he's 15." Yes. But again none of that negates the previous things. And in fact it only draws me to another point- he's also not real. He isn't real. Armand isn't real. Marius isn't real. All of this is fantasy make believe and in Make Believe land you can do anything you want. Really. You can.

I think people forget that TVC is not a series written for teens. I know a TON of us read it as teens, or younger, many admit to reading it TOO YOUNG, but the fact is these are adult works written for an adult audience and such books, especially romance and horror and historical novels, often contain taboo material and not just taboo material that is explicitly condemned. Because it's assumed that the reader, as an adult, doesn't need the disclaimer to their fantasy to know it's not ok in real life. And this is *fantasy*. Vampires are not real either. I always have to wonder if people would be so upset about M/A if Marius was 1500 but physically 16 or 17. That's still not a child, that's still an immortal creature, but it's one that wouldn't set people off so much. And like. They're Vampires. They simply don't see age the same way. Even Lestat says he could make a child fall in love with me. It's part and parcel with their age.

Why do I ship Marius/Armand? Because I come from an abusive home full of religious trauma, because I was unwanted, because I had no parents who wanted me. Because I was struggling with my sexuality and gender at a young age and stories like these were my favorite fantasy. *Fantasy*. I knew this thing wasn't real but the fantasies helped me escape and it still does. Because I know that fantasy and reality don't have a one to one equal affect. Because I'm an adult and I interact with other adults who also understand this trauma and why we deal with it this way. Because their story is beautiful and horrible and romantic and tragic and dark and glittering and attractive and terrifying. Because they are fucking AMAZING characters in an amazing story and I love that.

Loving this kind of relationship is not new or novel but being so confused about it and anti behavior is.

[luciladders]

Why does art need meaning? Who do stories need themes?

Meaning is not something one imposes upon art, themes are not something one imposes onto a story. (Well, they can be, but..)

Meaning and themes are inexorable facts of creative work. No matter what is created, it carries meaning, and it carries themes. The reason it's a major topic is not only that it is important for the end product that the creator understands what they're tackling, but it is introspectively invaluable. When you realise the themes in your story, ones that are emergent, it can force a writer to tackle their own prejudices and ideas about the world. Writing itself, is an act of knowledge creation, in many manners.

People like stories with strong themes and meaning? Well, all stories have strong themes and meaning. The question is what themes and meaning are resonant and highlight within the contemporary zeitgeist. There's themes on multiple levels with anything that's created..

There are the themes that are directly, explicitly tackled in a story--such as the themes of betrayal, romance, or a recovering friendship. Themes like these can be emphasised both through literal storytelling and symbolic storytelling.

There are broader themes--one could say 'genre'--such as a story's role in the context of other stories within its 'niche' (an excellent example being the subversive nature of Shrek (2001), in terms of how its romance story aggressively and explicitly subverts the narrative tropes of beauty and monarchy et cetera). A very common reason for a cult classic movie is that it exercises a violent subversion of trope and genre expectation.

Most writers, however, are not interested in great levels of subversion. Many, for example, watch anime and are like 'I'd love to be able to make anime like that'. In this case, a resonant story requires a special level of mastery and appreciation. An excellent example of a movie that does this is Pacific Rim (2013). Pacific Rim takes a worn-down and trope-riddled genre, and just goes whole ham, exercising a thoroughly influenced expression of monster movies into one story and presentation. In a word, 'camp'. The movie was not ashamed of the precedent it was riding upon, it was in full embrace. This I would consider the other reason for a cult classic movie: a violent embrace of tropes and genre expectation. Many horror movies excel under this approach.

The third factor is the craft. Simply, if something is well executed, with talented writing and artistic expression, this will bring success. It's an underspoken rule in the creative field--get good scrub. Competitive gamers and sports players understand this. Even with all the algorithmic hellscapery, for example, youtube videos success still hinges mostly on the quality of the video. Most youtubers I see that are desperate to make a youtube career happen but aren't finding any success just aren't making very good content. (There is of course a strange barrier though between success and not success on Youtube.. so maybe not a great example)

Importantly, think about this: if some random person presented what you've created to you, would you watch it? Would you read it? It's impossible to fully put yourself in those shoes but it's critical. There's some sort of metric of quality--visuals, audio, writing, et cetera--that is hard to put into concrete terms, but feels very Definite, even considering the importance of cultural context and expectations to ones experience of media.

Importantly, subversion, craft, and camp are not mutually exclusive!

And there's even greater scope of themes, such as the place of a story within the historical context it was created in. Importantly, I think, to Pacific Rim's success is that it does not have much hostile or patronising energy spent towards any classes of individuals (age, sex, gender, race, etc) (That I can remember lmao). On the other hand, a movie like Wanted (2008) is--in my words--aggressively heterosexual, and prototypical of its era, and plays into gross expectations of men and women without a hint of irony. How stories like these reflects on masculine and feminine expectations of men and women and culture of the 2000s is the kind of thematic material that would find analysis under a feminist lens.

The process of understanding the themes of your work is the exact same as the process of introspective inquiry. You want to write a story about a girl finding love. How do you find your themes? You ask questions. To yourself. Why are you writing a story about a girl finding love? What compels you? What hole do you feel you are filling with the work? What experiences of your own are you connecting with in creating this story? What expectations of yours are you playing into, familiar and unfamiliar experiences? What inspires you, both from media and from real life?

There are a million questions. These are the first questions to ask, because these are the questions that challenge you to understand and propose thematic elements in your stories and art. Themes are not discrete, but are fluid, shifting, and overlapping. In a way, this whole rant I wrote is to go from way up high, go even higher, then come alllll the way down. 'To think about themes, stop thinking about themes; start thinking about your art, your self, your experience, your knowledge and understanding and perspective. The themes will come'

That's not to say you can't go into a story with a premeditated theme and commit to it, but it's hard to have such a theme if you don't know how to think about stories and our world around them.

#writing thoughts #themes #meaning in art #story themes

[obesericewrites]

RATED +16 and warnings; this story will contain elements that may trigger or make some audiences uncomfortable. Including gore, violence, mentions of death, and possible sexual content. All romance options are humans.

The One Who Made Red (TOWMR) is an interactive text-based thriller/supernatural romance loosely based on the fairy tale of Little Red Riding Hood except a bit darker and with a few more twists! This story will be made in Twine.

The story will take place in the small village named Rose Bud that resembles medieval times. In this village, you will build relationships along with exploring this world made from twisted fairytales!

People in your village have gone missing. They’re gone for days or even weeks. But...they all return in one place.

The Oakcaster Thicket. The forbidden forest. Someplace that nobody in their right mind would be found in, but your people were found there.

In pieces.

You along with others felt helpless, you the most as you were felt merely a small clothing tailor. The feeling grew so strong that fear became common. It was something people around you had gotten used to, like rain from the sky, they merely moved through it.

However, some hoped that The One In Red would save them. They were fools. You knew they wouldn’t dare show their face to your people. Not after what they did or …what they are capable of doing.

You had started losing hope.

But then one day, two mysterious figures wander into your shop, questioning you about what you know about the monster in the woods that haunted your people.

Things in your world started getting pulled apart.

Good thing you are used to stringing things together to get the bigger picture.

The question is, however, do you want to see what this picture will make?

THE WOLF (M/F/NB)

..is one of the strangers that entered your shop...They go by Muriel/Malia/Maren…..You would have thought that given their demeanor, they would have a stoic face, but it is concealed by a wooden mask that has been carved to resemble the animal their title holds. They regard everything in your village with disdain and caution. But maybe, with you, their chilly brown eyes will be filled with warmth.

THE ONE IN RED (M/F)

...was the one who started this mess....few even know their name is Sherwin/Sayua...from the minute you met them, they always seemed deranged. They were either insane or simply grumpy; it was either/or. But that day, when they needed their cloak repaired, was months ago. But now that your hunt for The One In Red has begun, maybe you'll finally obtain the answers you've been looking for regarding the monster in the woods. Their dark skin and piercing eyes are well-known to you.

THE ONE WHO CRIED WOLF (M/F)

...also known as...Barnett/Bernadette Idoya...one of the few who survived the clutches of the monster in the woods, and your best friend. You've been friends your entire lives. They've made it their duty to make life easy for you and everyone else in the community. Their round faces complemented their lovely toothy smile. However, those warm eyes you've become accustomed to may conceal something darker.

Play as Male, female, and nonbinary!

Choose your sexuality including; bisexual, gay, straight, lesbian, asexual, demi-sexual, and poly-sexual

Romance three ROs! With the tropes of enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, and strangers to lovers! (Can’t pick between them? Then romance all three!)

Not into romance? Then find your platonic soulmate in the village of Roses Bud! Get tropes like found family, platonic soulmates, etc!

Explore the horror and beautiful monsters in this twisted world of fairy tales!

Customize your MC's background, appearance, and family life!

Try to keep your sewing business from running into the ground.

Talk to a mouse!

Uncover the real reason why The One In Red disappeared…

Where will this tale take you? Will you save everyone or will your fairy tale end in shambles?

Welcome to the tales of The One Who Made Red.

Demo // RO Descriptions // Characters of interest //Kofi page // TOWMR Discord Server //

#if #interactive fiction #TOWMR #fairy tales #little red riding hood #big bad wolf #writing #a fun project I wanted to do for some time! #twine game #twine wip #twine if #new interactive fiction #romance #fantasy #thriller #if wip #supernatural #fairytale retellings

[g00ngala]

i know this post has been made before by people who can say it better than me but "susie and noelle are predictable" i could give less of a shit if it's predictable my lesbian ass is going to enjoy every second of this cookie cutter predictable romance because wlw don't get these stories that often!

maybe it falls into popular tropes but deltarune puts such a unique spin on those tropes because of its anything but predictable narrative and incredibly realistic + compelling characters. susie and noelle both have so much depth on their own that their relationship can be explored from many different angles.

noelle is not JUST the sweet girl with an intense crush. noelle likes horror movies even though she's terrified of everything because the predictable scariness is comforting. its honest! and that's why she likes susie. that's what it comes down to; susie may put up walls but she is the most honest character in this game (to the point of brutality sometimes lol). noelle is surrounded by people putting on faces but susie's honest scariness is compelling to her. and that's actually not a very explored idea!

and susie isn't just the mean bully softened by noelle either. susie is harsh and mean and even cruel because she is responding directly to the negativity her classmates show her. in chapter 1 she is literally convinced that everyone hates her and is actively trying to get her expelled. but when you break down enough of susie's walls she is loyal FAST. she's brave and she's excitable and a little impulsive but most importantly she is KIND at the center of her core. she probably wouldn't consider herself kind but she is. susie remembers how you treat her and responds in kind. noelle lending her that ONE PENCIL meant enough to her that she never bothered her unlike literally every kid in her class. that one random act of kindness left such an impression on susie.

suselle has two teenagers who have different realistic reasons to be drawn to each other and that's what makes them incredibly compelling. if you see all of this and still manage to think it's just a collection of common tropes i don't think you're actually making an effort to take of your fucking ao3 goggles and see things that aren't fanfiction tags. please try to engage with media farther than searching up enemies to lovers slow burn 2k words.

#also if you think ralsusie is better than suselle you are lesbophobic and i hope you explode. #hannah.txt #suselle #noelle holiday #susie #susie deltarune #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #long post #utdr #greatest hits

[lady-elora]

"It was love", or five reasons and five refutations of hatred for sylki

So, folks, I did it. I finally translated from Russian an amazing article about the romantic line in “Loki”. I agree with every word in it. Hope it’ll help all the sylki shipers to fend off the attacks of antis with a reasoned arguments.

Would you like to talk about our god Odin the most controversial Marvel franchise pairing which caused a storm of indignation and negative emotions on the part of fans?

 We're talking about Loki/Sylvie from "Loki" (2021) mini-series, or sylki (lovie) as they were called by fans. Apparently a simple get-pairing consisting of a man and a woman (or bisexual gender fluids, if you prefer), but some people were shocked by such a relationship on the screen. Why? What for? How? That may be your questions. So we’ll discuss their claims and groundlessness of them in this article.

But before we start talking about it, I want to clarify what actually the concept of the "selfcest" is.

Usually we marked as a "selfcest" those works that describe the relationship of a character with himself. Most often, this warning implies a "doubling" of the character; alternatively – the same character is taken at different ages or falls for his/her absolutely identical copies.

Agreed?

Let's go then.

< < < 1 > > >

 The first and main thing which follows from the definition above is: "Showing the selfcest on the screen is disgusting and immoral!"

 It also follows from the definition above that the selfcest is the relationship of the same character with himself in the form of identical copies both in character and appearance. The highest form of narcissism, according to Mobius (which, in fact, is to some extent true). Horrors from a snuffbox, according to some impressionable audience. It hardly makes sense to rant about the fact that masturbation is also a form of selfcest (although the fact is rather amusing).

 The bottom line is that if Loki once again created a copy of himself to deceive someone and fell in love with it, it would be a selfcest. Splitting himself into two people and building a relationship between them is a selfcest as well. Turning into a hermaphrodite and ... no, this is something completely perverted.

 The basis of the selfcest is absolute identity. If we take a character who is so in love with him/herself that he/she sees relationships only with him/herself, then in such a case he/she can only build them with a perfect scanned copy of him/herself. It will be very easy for the person who knows him/herself inside and out to notice some inconsistencies in a partner, and then it makes no sense to build a relationship if he/she is not as perfect (as the "original" is), isn’t it? That’s how this logic works.

 And now attention, please!

 Is the romance of two Elvis Presley understudies a selfcest?

They look almost the same, both like Elvis... But no, right? These two people are different people, with different tempers and lives, who are similar only in appearance and pseudonyms. So this is a very ordinary relationship.

Now let's get back to our sheep. So we have two people from different worlds, with different stories, different tempers, different powers and different external signs who were born under the same name and later lived their lives with different ones. The only thing that is identical in them is the essence of the God of Mischief. So where is the ground for an egoistic selfcest? Nowhere.

Don't forget about identity. We can say that they are very similar, since initially they are both Lokis. But do you wanna say it's so hard to meet similar people in real life? No. Do you wanna say it's hard to meet similar people in two similar universes? No. I'll tell you a secret: writers often like to use the trope of intertwining almost identical tempers between characters to show their mental connection. And it's not a crime, but a common technique. And, again, a "similarity" doesn't fall under the criteria of selfcest.

 And finally, if Sylvie were an exact copy of Loki, would there be people who love one but can't stand the other? It's the same character after all, so what's the problem? But the point is that Loki is Loki. And Sylvie is Sylvie. They exist separately from each other and are not the same due to the presence of distinctive features.

 If you want to use Kang's words, remember that he admired these two.

 < < < 2 > > >

 The second and no less amusing is "Loki doesn't need a love interest at all!"

 I'm sorry, but which Loki?

 The one who appeared in all the films of the series "Thor" and "The Avengers"?

 He's dead, guys.

 And Loki from the series is a character torn out from the finale of the first "Avengers" and revamped by TVA with the help of an impromptu session of psychologist Mobius and viewing on-screen all of his promising deeds. This Loki was told head-on that he was created as a minor character in order to plot his machinations for the development of the protagonists and he was unnecessary to the whole world. This Loki has an advantage over the previously known version of himself just in knowing this fact. This Loki has recognized for everyone and for himself that he didn't want to harm the others. And this Loki, by definition, is already a different character, but for some reason people tailor him to a long-familiar one, ignoring the obvious things point-blank.

 He is no stranger to simple human feelings, because every version of the God of Mischief is initially an offended and despised child grown up in the shadow of his own brother, a child who just wanted to be loved too and in the same way. Only the paths to this under-goal were different for all Lokis. One killed Thor in order to remain the only ruler (people always adore kings), another invented unthinkable feats (people love heroes), the third built a perfect world out of promises for everyone, the fourth tried to become a hero himself, but was too crushed to find mistakes in his plan, the fifth excluded himself from the equation so that everyone understood he didn't want to harm the others and to cause the pain.

Loki from the series is a version that knows everything about himself, but at the same time is not bound by the framework of the other variants' plot. He doesn't need to win back Asgard, to fight with Thanos, with the Avengers, with contempt and so on. He is free from borders. He is from the world where Frigga never died. He is the only Loki without the "glorious purpose". He is different.

So his attitude to other people is now different as well. It's stupid to perceive this version exactly as a long-known character.

After all he had seen, this Loki would hardly be able to live alone like any other. He is extremely naked and needs love (in any form), as the most reliable and not bringing destruction and suffering point of support.

 < < < 3 > > >

 The third and my favorite thing is: "Love in five minutes! Why did it come out at all?"

Why did Loki fall for Sylvie, and even in a couple of days?

OK, you can quite easily explain Sylvie's motivation: she found a person who had interest for her, who suddenly cared about her, protected her... Could he be an unworthy party in such a case? Moreover, before that, Sylvie, in principle, had no close people and she internally really lacked such an attitude to herself, banal love (parents, people, friends, romantic), which she hadn’t due to the lack of normal childhood and a stable life.

But Loki?..

But Loki is not a vain killing machine from The Avengers anymore, not a person for whom the self-affirmation is the only goal in life. Let's rewind a little, and remember that he was brainwashed in TVA and lowered from heaven to earth. Loki was always reasonable. Loki could always be courteous and friendly. Loki was always a gentleman. And finally he realized that there's no sense in all this aggression and hyperbolized narcissism, and he pushed his one-actor theater aside in order to at least normally rethink the concept of time and reality.

 And here comes Sylvie.

Unpredictable, dangerous, painfully similar to him, but at the same time completely different. Loki never had good intentions in his conquests; only the ways were sometimes good. Sylvie went to the good liberation of people and the return of their right to choose their lives, but through blood. In fact, she is his mirror image.

She intrigued. A wild person who swung at the destruction of the time control organization alone and coped well with it.

However, the countdown started from the moment when they both got on the train. The moment when Loki began to understand what the real essence of Sylvie was. Grown up in fear, distrustful, broken Sylvie, who was desperately trying to make TVA pay for everything. For everyone. And it was amazing for him.

Here, as for me, the Moffat's quote about his BBC Sherlock fits very well: ..when he saw her, he thought: "Maybe there can be someone like me?" – but with a slight nuance that Loki himself would like to be someone like that. Like a fighter in spite of and for the good, causing admiration. With some corrections in the form of the absence of a painful childhood, despair and anger.

Then the spring of "Loki's MeUs" begins to unwind, and the essence of it is that he understands her and her feelings, because, although they are different people, they are internally similar. Loki looks at her as if she is a person he has known for a very long time, but not completely. It's like if you met an old childhood friend seven years later: it seems to be the same, but also it seems to be different. It seems that everything is elementary, but there's not enough of a certain number of details.

(He'll realize later that he was missing much more).

So we take the initial interest, add the conditional knowledge of a person, and we get a very specific variation of the trope "from friends to lovers".

This may seem far-fetched, but we have two factors on our hands that are fundamental for this trope. Keep them in your head, but for now, let's applaud the fact that Marvel for the first time figured out how to derive formulas for the logical development of relationships in the shortest possible time. In what way? In the most elementary way: through psychology.

There's such a thing as the stages of the formation of relationships, which includes:

- Falling in love (interest, flirting, rethinking)

- Trust (challenge, joint activity, mutual assistance)

- A sense of kinship (empathy, responsibility, confidence)

- A sense of unity

- Love

In our case, only the first three points are considered, but the third one is with a chip in the form of a final. I should also focus attention on the fact we are not considering love. We are considering a serious crush, which can develop into love, since the latter one is a slightly longer process that still has to go through to the end. And we consider them in extreme (+accelerated by our two fundamental factors) conditions, where our heroes are forced to work together and trust each other in order to survive.

After reviewing the aspects of the three points we have chosen, we can easily draw analogies with the events that happened with Loki and Sylvie.

They are interested in each other, they think that they know each other, they develop in relationships with each other in a completely healthy way. A little faster than in the series for a hundred episodes maybe, but it is conditioned.

Needless to say, this is impossible and illogical: we have the clearest example of love from nowhere in the form of a couple of Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne, who had absolutely no prerequisites to it, but at the same time kissed at the end of the first film. Nothing personal, it's just a fact.

The relations of our "defendants" aren't based on carnal attraction, they didn't immediately break out ready-made due to a rush of adrenaline, they are not one-sided and not abusive. Loki and Sylvie carry about each other, support each other (if it doesn't seem so, then we'll also talk about Sylvie a little later, everything in its own time), plus sympathy and love based on the fact that a person is ready to fight with you and trust you, sounds very appropriate, doesn't it?

And yes, there are similar examples of "love in five minutes" in life, which I've also seen. This is real.

 < < < 4 > > >

 The fourth thing which also makes me roll my eyes is "Sylvie didn't need relationships at all and she didn't care about Loki."

So let's make a small lyrical digression and think about who Sylvie is.

The Goddess of Mischief? Yep, but far from Loki, which means there's no sense to adjust her to the same classic image. As a child, Sylvie was dragged out of her own world. As a child, Sylvie fled across the time with fear and horror from TVA. Sylvie hid all her conscious life and saw people dying around her over and over again. Sylvie knew that outside of the apocalypses millions are simply dying from the hands of TVA too. She was alone all the time, during all her life she developed anger and hatred for this organization, until revenge for herself and for others became the only meaning of her life.

And here comes Loki.

Another version of the God of Mischief, which forces her to rebuild the plan on the go, in order to still bring it to the end. Frivolous, broken, stucked up Loki. He lazily, automatically puts sticks in her wheels. And then, on Lamentis, he suddenly decides to fight with her and help. After that, he completely trusts her with his life and cares about her own. And it seems to her like some kind of nonsense, like another trick, an invention for personal gain. Sylvie understands the essence of Loki, but she can't perceive him the way he perceives her. She sees in him what she could have become without the intervention of TVA.

But after that rush through the city, after realizing the hopelessness of the situation, when he says he is sorry and he thinks she is amazing, something clicks in her head. No one has ever cared about her (in this regard, she is not like Loki, who had at least Frigga), and now Loki, who knows her only from the archives and her meager life-story, who dragged her into the apocalypse, but also tried his best to help her to get out, just says that he is fascinated.

Sylvie grew up with her own concept of truth and lies: for her, there's only her truth and the eternal deception from the others. And then she thinks: may it be that..?

The thoughts that no one on the entire Timeline needs her, and that she should have recognized the lie, are marinating in her head to the end. Loki is not like the people she has spent her whole life with (he looks more like her, understands more or tries to understand at least; he believes), Loki behaves strangely and worries about her. Sylvie can't believe it (her past affects her completely), but subconsciously she wants someone to really care about her.

And she starts taking care of Loki in return. She comes closer and closer, but at the same time she is ready to turn around and rush back at any moment. Because she's scared. Sophia Di Martino says that for Sylvie, feelings are something new, unknown, and such things always cause fear in people. She tries to deny it, to be ironic, she's waiting for a trick, but doesn't move away.

She's just thinking: "Come on. Betray me. Betray me so that I'll be right again and trust no one anymore."

But Loki doesn't betray her. On the contrary: he recognizes that he cares of her, he tries to protect her with all his might. And that's the moment when Sylvie finally falls in love. That's why she pushes him through the portal to TVA which – the Multiverse is being formed, yay – is the safest place at the time.

Why didn't she give up on killing Kang? Because that was her glorious purpose. Sylvie lived with the revenge and the dream of saving everyone from the dictator and she just couldn't give up all this after the horrors that she experienced in her life. Blood, death and fear – that's what she saw during all these years. But Loki didn't see that so he couldn't understand. That's why Sylvie didn't listen to him.

And if she didn't care about Loki, if she didn't feel anything at all, Sylvie would have killed him the moment her sword was at his neck. She'd killed before – it wouldn't be a problem. But she does care of Loki.

 < < < 5 > > >

 The fifth and final thing is "These relationships hinder the development of both characters!"

And that's the funniest claim from those who watched the series with their eyes closed.

During the series, Sylvie and Loki are revealed from new sides thanks to their feelings. Caring for others, compassion, responsibility, the very fact of showing love for another person – all this develops them both. The friendship was shown through Mobius. The family has always been represented by Thor, Odin and Frigga. But showrunners wanted to reveal Loki from all sides, decompose him into components and show what he is from the inside in all aspects. And they did it.

Loki, who doesn't care about the fate of the Universe, and who only wants to regain world domination again, turns into a hero who wants to save the whole world. And one more person.

With Sylvie, it's a little more difficult, due to the fact that her life was also more difficult. Her case is more lost. However, in the end we see that such a long-awaited retribution doesn't bring her satisfaction. Because she understands the wrongness of this act, she regrets it and realizes that everything was wrong. But she realizes it too late.

If we had cut Loki out of her life, Sylvie would have killed the Keeper without any guilt, without feeling remorse, because she wouldn't have known that everything could be different, that she might choose another way.

This is what is called character development.

Sophia says both Loki and Sylvie feel the same, they grow together, but at different rates. And by the end of the series, Sylvie is approximately where Loki was after a psychotherapy session with Mobius. But not at the very beginning – that's what's important.

I hope this article has at least a little explained the whole essence of sylki pairing, because surely I'm not Tom and Sophia, who know their characters best. However, trying is something, isn't it?

Thanks for attention ;)

Source:  «Это была любовь», или пять причин и пять опровержений ненависти к Sylki

#loki #sylvie #loki x sylvie #loki series #sylki #lovie #lovedaggers #fandom analytics #translation from russian

[hardskz]

a penny for your thoughts.

pairing — han jisung x female! reader

genre — trope inversion of the soulmate au, college au, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff-ish, smut; oral, possessiveness kink, praise kink, safe word, size kink, first time

synopsis — life isn’t easy when you belong to the 1% of the world population that has a soulmate, know who your soulmate is and happen to be utterly in love with said soulmate’s best friend. alternatively, jisung can hear all of your unfiltered thoughts and has heard enough of your horny fantasies to the point where he wants to throw up, so he takes matters in his own hands. 

note — i think i’m gonna cry this work is my 11k word BABY i’ve never been THIS invested over a fic. this is purely self-indulgent and an emotional rollercoaster ride if you ask me. this fic is all over the place it’s chaotic and i apologize in advance for many italics you are welcome i hope you CRY and SUFFER with me because completing this bitch was a midlife crisis in itself. that being said, i appreciate any form of constructive criticism so pls go ahead and rip my baby apart sdkjl

“You’re staring again,” Hyunjin notes. Seungmin and Jeongin stifle a burst of laughter while Felix, whose head is resting on Hyunjin’s lap, sends you a look that resembles Candace from Phineas and Ferb whenever she finds her brothers creating some whacky futuristic shit, laughs like a madman and then resumes to call her mother with an ear-splitting MOOOM! because she’s so certain that her brothers are busted this time.

“Am not,” you huff as you tear your eyes away from the guy just sitting a little bit farther away from you, basking in the warm glow of the sun. Today he’s sitting in the perfect angle, giving you the best view on his side profile. His signature cap is perched right on top of his head but even then, you can see how his eyes brighten up and how the corners of his lips tug upwards as he laughs at his friend’s joke.

“You’re a worse case than the Mary Sue protagonist of every romance anime ever.” Seungmin snorts before he playfully nudges your side with his shoe. “Just say you want Seo Changbin to bang you and go.”

“Hey! We have a child present!” Hyunjin chastises, to which Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“I’m not a child. We’re all in fucking college.”

“Fine, not a child then. The baby has been corrupted! Don’t swear, it sounds so wrong coming from you!”

“Shut up. It’s called freedom of speech!”

“It’s ‘shut up Hyung’ to you!”

Felix groans in distress and is probably rethinking his life choices. Seriously, what does Felix, resident hopeless romantic, see in Hyunjin? Sure, he’s good-looking and a great friend when he’s not bitching around or hovering over the nearest trash can after taking too many shots. But a romantic? Please, Hyunjin can’t even eat without making a mess out of his shirt.

“I don’t want him to bang me,” you mutter and receive a collective ‘yeah sure’ look. “Fine, I don’t want him to bang me only. He’s nice,” you retort before your eyes flit back to him for a millisecond. By now, Changbin has put his hands on the grass and is leaning back, enjoying the sunlight while listening halfheartedly to the other guy blabbering.

“And hot. We get it. Now get dicked,” Seungmin deadpans, earning flabbergasted looks from everyone and a smack from Hyunjin.

“Show a little more empathy, you dickwad. She’s whipped.”

“Anyway—“ Felix sits up, earning a pout from Hyunjin but he blatantly ignores it, and directs the conversation back to the previous topic before the other two bump heads, “(y/n), you have his number. You’re not strangers, so why don’t you just make a move?”

You glance at him with horror in your eyes. “What do you expect me to do? Ring him up and ask him to hang out with me because I find him cute?”

“Uh, duh? Last time I checked, that’s how you ask someone out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“New idea.” Seungmin butts in. “Why don’t you ask Han Jisung—“

“No.”

“Agreed.” Hyunjin shoots you a nod of approval before Seungmin can start yet another interrogation about your bitter hatred towards Jisung. Jisung, who happens to be said friend of Changbin that is laughing beside him right now. “He must think he’s so much better than us because he’s hanging out with the senior geniuses of the music production major. Then again, Seo Changbin and Bang Chan are on a different level than us commoners.”

“Speaking of Chan,” you quickly say to steer the conversation away from the personification of everything you hate. “Where is he? It’s so weird seeing the trio incomplete.”

This time, Jeongin chimes in. “Haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Chan and that one language major — you know, the one who collapsed a while back?” When all he’s met with are clueless faces, Jeongin sighs. “Seriously, you guys should keep up with campus news. I swear, everyone and their mothers already know by now. But anyway, they’re soulmates. It’s also the reason why Chan has been pulled out of the boxing team until the end of the semester and had to cancel their training camp as soon as she broke down.”

Felix does a double-take. “But Chan’s the ace of the boxing club!”

“It is what it is.” Jeongin stretches his legs out, shrugging. “What else is to expect when you have the proximity link and need to be around your soulmate within a certain distance unless you want death?”

“Poor guy. Must be a smack in the face for him, now that he’s got a soulmate and happens to have the worst link one could have.” Seungmin says.

“The tattoos are worse though.” Hyunjin fires back. “I mean, you’re literally born with a tattoo of your soulmate’s name and then grow up knowing that you have one? And even if you never meet them, you won’t have better chances with others if you want some romance. Who in their right mind wants to have a lover who’s got someone else’s name tattooed on them since birth?”

“No one.” You chuckle. “Absolutely no one.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you and Jisung would probably be on better terms. He’s sunshine on legs and looks decent from an objective point of view.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe you’re childhood friends and have been neighbors ever since your first shit in your diapers. Perhaps you would be clowned from being inseparable once in a while, but you’d go with it and then shrug it off as if it was nothing.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe that being soulmates doesn’t equal the downfall of two people. Sure, the fact that people are bound to each other and the danger of growing too dependent on that person remains, but it probably won’t be so frowned upon. Probably. Hopefully.

However, as much as you want to twist it, another lifetime is not this lifetime, the reality.

In reality, you and Jisung are only neighbors because the universe has some kind of inexplicable hatred towards you. Seriously, you must’ve done something wrong in your previous life to be punished in this one. And because the universe has sadistic tendencies and loves to make you suffer, the laws of the universe are just as equally fucked up.

The concept of soulmates is a lot of things, but most of all, it’s a mystery. There are endless possibilities for soulmate links, not all of them discovered. And unlike popular belief, soulmates do not have to necessarily share the same link. So voilà, even more fuckery from the universe.

There’s only one reason that justifies your wholehearted, unfiltered hatred towards Han Jisung. Well, only one reason that seems justified in this lifetime.

The tattoo is simple; just fine black characters under your collarbone that are nicely hidden under high-cut shirts.

But the fact that it’s his name tattooed on you since birth remains.

“Let me crash here for the night.”

“No.”

“Let me crash here for the night, please.”

“My answer is still no.”

The exasperation is plastered on Jisung’s face as he tries to keep his temper in check. Truth be told, it’s damn satisfying seeing him wanting to rip your head off but refraining to do so. Perhaps you’re enjoying this more than you expected at one o’clock in the morning. For the past five minutes, Jisung has been asking you to let him stay over for the night. You’d save him out of his misery and help a neighbor out who locked himself out of his apartment at this hour — well, if he wasn’t Han Jisung.

By now, he’s growing more impatient with every further rejection. “Oh come on, all my friends live on the other side of town and you can’t expect me to ask the old grandma next door! At this rate, I’m gonna freeze to death overnight!”

“Then go break a window or something,” you deadpan, ignoring the dramatic hand gestures he’s making to accentuate his words.

“The fuck? I’m not going to break into my own place.”

Not wanting to draw out the pointless conversation any longer, you’re about to slam the door shut when he blocks your action with his foot. “C’mon, just this one night. Please.”

He’s not budging anytime soon. His bullheadedness reminds you of Seungmin, who always tries to get Hyunjin wasted whenever you attend those Greek frat parties. Seungmin, who always succeeds in getting Hyunjin wasted, followed by Hyunjin hugging a bucket for the next few hours as he tries to get over the hangover. With a defeated sigh, you gesture Jisung to come inside and don’t wait for him until he’s taken his shoes off at the entryway.

“Look, I know you don’t like me—“

“Well, ‘don’t like’ is putting it very lightly—” you scoff once he’s caught up to you in the living room. It’s not exactly spacious; the couch takes up most of the room and college assignments are spread all over the minuscule coffee table.

“You could at least treat me like a decent human being.”

That statement is enough to get your ears flaming. You whip your head in his direction, voice getting louder. “How can I when your existence is making my life worse than it already is! And I mean it literally! Just seeing your name whenever I look at myself through the mirror sickens me!”

“Stop acting like you’re the only victim here.” Jisung snaps back in the same manner. If there was a little bit of etiquette in the first place, it has all vanished now. “I’m not having it easier when all I hear from you is the dozen ways you want Changbin to fuck you dumb!”

You freeze.

“Cat got your tongue? It’s already bad enough that you have those kinds of thoughts about my best friend every single day.”

“But I thought— y-you had the proximity link?!” This has to be a joke. A very bad one at that. His proximity link is the very sole reason why you lived next to him. His soulmate link is the only reason why you’ve been stuck together like glue since you could walk.

Jisung taps his foot impatiently, running his hand through his hair. “That’s what I thought too until I started hearing things that nobody said around me. First, it was just a few thoughts every other day, but now you’re like an annoying radio that I can’t switch off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? I would’ve—“

“Stopped fantasizing about Changbin’s dick? And then you would’ve jumped to the next person. I don’t care if you like him or not, it’s none of my business. Changbin’s hot, anyone with eyes can tell. Besides, it’s not like you have a chance anyway…”

You feel your blood boiling at his underlying message and cross your arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jisung doesn’t bat an eyelash and says in a mocking tone as if stating the obvious. “No doubt that Changbin will make you feel good. But could you return the favor?”

That’s a low blow. Even for Jisung, that’s a low blow.

“I get that you’ve got a dirty mind. But those are just fantasies. Could you really execute them just the way you had in your head? You don’t even have experience in the first place.”

“If I sucked you off right now, you wouldn’t even be able to speak properly!” God knows what went over you when you countered. At this point, rage has taken over your brain and you don’t even realize what you just said right away. Not that it matters anyway; all you see is red.

Jisung just raises a brow, clearly unimpressed by your outburst. “Prove it,” he challenges casually and then flops himself onto the couch, legs spread wide. It’s an open invitation. “Go ahead, make me see reason with your oh so mind-blowing skills.”

The only thing you’re able to do physically is gape at him. He is joking, right? As if he actually means it—

“I knew it. Shameless in your head but too flustered to say it out loud, let alone following up with your bold statements.”

That seals the deal. You’re fuelled by anger and the desire to prove him wrong as you drop on your knees and are on eye level with his crotch. However, your spirit dissolves the longer you silently stare and realize that you have no fucking clue on what to do. Jisung is painfully aware of that too.

“I’m more terrified than turned on seeing your angry face.” He lets out an exasperated sigh before he pulls you up and directs you to sit on his lap. “Obviously it’s not working when neither of us is in the mood. You gotta get in the mood first,” he mutters, hands settling on your hips.

The look in his eyes is more composed now, but you can tell he’s being observant. As if you have clues written all over your face, he keeps you under his stern gaze. Then his eyes droop lower to your lips and he slowly leans forward.

Not even a second later, you firmly plant your hands on his shoulder and push him back. “No lips.”

If Jisung is judgemental about your sudden stunt, he doesn’t comment on it. “Anything else, your royal majesty?”

You’re too tired to react to his mockery and roll your eyes. “No marks.”

“I can work with that,” he mumbles more to himself rather to you. Then he leans forward again and buries his face in the crook of your neck. Surprised by his actions and new to the unfamiliar sensation, you tense up. Jisung seems to take notice of that too.

“Relax,” he orders, rubbing circles on your hips to help you loosen up.

Well, that’s easier said than done. It’s already bad enough that you’re gradually exposing yourself as the complete amateur you are, and out of all people who could’ve been the first to do any form of sexual advances on you, it just had to be Jisung. Perhaps you shouldn’t have rejected that one kid in high school who was the only one who ever had a crush on you. Even if that kid wasn’t your type and not a serious commitment anyway, maybe you would’ve at least some sort of experience with dick.

“A-ah—“ your breath hitches when he nips on the patch below your earlobe. He smiles against your skin as if he just made some scientific discovery and swipes his tongue on the same spot, eager to make you squirm. Not wanting to slip up anymore, you clamp your mouth shut with a hand.

“Let me hear you, baby. Just relax, I got you.” When the fuck did his voice start to sound lower and raspier? Where did ‘baby’ come from? All rationality and resistance leave your body when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

The cologne of musk lingers strong on him, almost intoxicating even, and you can’t form a cohesive thought anymore. The only things you are painfully aware of are an arm forcing your chest flush against his and his hot breath all over your neck.

You’re so far gone that you fail to notice that you’ve started grinding on his lap. Jisung moans softly into your neck as he encourages you to move with his hands.

“On your knees, baby,” he whispers after a while. A rush of disappointment runs through your veins once he detaches his lips from you and slides you off his lap, but all of that is forgotten once you see the prominent bulge in his pants.

Right. There’s a reason why you ended up in this predicament in the first place.

Jisung urges you to touch him with a simple nudge. “C’mon, baby. Take it off.”

You don’t waste time discarding his sweatpants. Just when you’re about to tug his underwear off, you notice the wet patch on the fabric. A surge of mischief washes over you as you boldly cupped his hard-on over his boxers, causing an obscenely loud moan from him.

He flinches, definitely not expecting that brashness from you, and throws his head back. “S-stop teasing me already and take that goddamn thing off or God help me what I’m going to do if you push my buttons.”

That. That was a threat. That dealt much more damage to you than you like to admit.

As much as you want to watch him break and see if he’d make his threats come true, you decide against your feelings and hook your fingers under the waistband and tug the fabric down in one swift motion. A groan leaves Jisung as his cock, fully hard and leaking precum, is exposed to the cold air. He’s certainly above average; on the longer side probably, and you’re conflicted on whether to think fuck, I want him in my mouth right now or fuck, how on earth is that supposed to fit into my mouth?!

You don’t get far with your inner conflict when a hand grabs a fistful of your hair and slowly urges you closer. The next thing you know, something is tapping your lips and before you fully register it, the tip of Jisung’s cock lies heavy on your tongue.

You carefully look up and meet Jisung’s hooded eyes. His shirt has ridden up a bit and flashes just a little bit of his toned stomach. That’s just enough of an indicator to see that Jisung is holding himself back, in case his irregular breathing hasn’t been a dead giveaway.

Jisung opens his mouth, about to say something, when you give an experimental suck on his dick. “Do something— f-fuck, a little more, baby.”

That’s enough to build your confidence up. You slowly take in more of his dick, sucking carefully and making sure to cover your teeth. The rest that doesn’t fit in your mouth is barely covered with your hands, and you messily try to coordinate your hands, switching between rubbing the base of his dick to cupping his balls.

“Mmh, use more pressure,” Jisung whispers, not trusting the stability of his voice when you fondle with his balls. A groan leaves him when you suck harder on his cock and switch back to swirling your tongue around. For a total beginner, you are holding yourself up better than he expected. Fuck.

“Focus on the tip fir— hhh- aa-ah...” His brain blacks out for a moment when you swirl your tongue around his tip and dare an experimental hum, the vibrations going straight down to his dick. The grip on your hair loosens, but it’s still firm enough to experience a sharp tug. “You’re doing good baby. So good.”

The combination of his sounds, the decent taste of precum on your tongue and the way his adam’s apple bops is enough to send you into sensory overload. You notice the way Jisung tenses his thighs, as to keep them still. You’re about to pull out completely to prevent your drool from getting on your face. However, before you get the chance to complain, he forces his length back on you that it grazes the back of your throat, nearly making you choke.

“Fuck, I— I’m gonna— s-soon—“ he hisses and you take it as a sign to speed up. At this point, your jaw hurts and a mixture of drool and precum drips down your chin. It’s borderline disgusting if you think about it, but the delectable sounds leaving Jisung compensates for it.

He sharply tugs on your hair, ordering you to pull off, but you slap his hand away. “I’m going to spill in your mouth if you don’t pull off right now—“ Jisung chokes on his words when you interrupt him with a hum as if to say so what? It doesn’t help that you’re looking up at him with teary eyes and a lot of conviction, even though you’re visibly struggling to keep half of his dick in your mouth.

When he cums, it’s accompanied but drawn out moans, and you forcing yourself to swallow the horrible texture. It’s not horrible per se, but you’d gladly refuse to swallow a second time if you were given the choice.

Jisung looks down at you with flushed cheeks and is about to wipe off the drool or cum or whatever liquid is staining your bottom lip, but you quickly block his hand. “I’ll clean up by myself.”

For a minuscule second, he looks defeated; he looks borderline disappointed, but before you can pinpoint his feelings for sure, his expression changes. “But what about you?” he asks, eyes raking down your body and stopping at the waistband of your pants.

“I’ll deal with it on my own.” You shrug, avoiding his eyes. All of sudden, you find it hard to breathe in the room as the realization settles into your brain. You just sucked off Jisung. Jisung, out of all fucking people.

“You sure?” Your eyes flit to him who looks like he’s been observing you the entire time. His breathing has calmed down, his lips look a little bit plumper than before and his hair sticks out in all different directions. Looking at his current state makes you feel sick, and your undying hatred for him starts growing again. It’s your fault that he looks so fucked out and—

Why the fuck did you even do that?

“Yes. Now stop asking before I change my mind and kick you out.”

Before he can have the last word, you turn on your heels and rush into your bedroom, ignoring the fact that your underwear is practically drenched.

You wake up to the smell of pancakes emerging from the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making breakfast?” Jisung throws you a questioning look and then plates the last batch of pancakes from the pan. “It’s the least I can do after you were friendly enough to let me crash on the couch.”

Your eyes wander to the countertop to the two plates stacked with pancakes. Jisung finishes up the second plate and hands it out to you.

You stare dumbly at the plate. It’s too early for your brain to mouth filter to work, so the first thing you spit out is, “How do I know you didn’t poison it?”

“Are you fucking serious—“ Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, mutters something inaudible under his breath before he puts on the fakest smile he can muster. “I can take a bite if you really insist.”

“Give me that plate.” You point to the other plate on the counter. Presentation-wise, it looks the same as the one Jisung is offering you, minus the visible steam.

“There. Wanna switch again or can I finally eat?” he scoffs when you walk past him to get cutlery and sit at the dining table; it’s essentially a round wooden table where one of the legs is about to break. Two plates and a pitcher at most take up the entire surface. You really should consider buying a new table, but you have better things to spend on rather than that.

From your peripheral vision, you see Jisung rolling his eyes. Perhaps you were making an entire unnecessary circus, critically cutting through the pancake and inspecting each and every side before stuffing it in your mouth. But again, in your defense, it’s too early in the morning to show basic etiquette towards him out of all people.

You have to admit that visually, the pancakes look good. What you didn’t expect were the pancakes to taste just how they look. It looks like you couldn’t contain your surprise in you, judging by the amused smirk that finds its way onto Jisung’s face as he claims the chair across from you.

“As if you could actually cook,” you splutter because there’s no fucking way you are giving him that satisfaction of the day.

However, it seems to bemuse him even more. “You literally eat this every day and know the recipe by heart. With the excessive number of times you recite the ingredients a day, obviously, something got stuck in my brain,” he explains while cutting through his own portion.

The rest of breakfast is spent in silence. You both finish at the same time and while you’re washing the dishes, he’s stayed put in the chair, mindlessly checking something on his phone.

“You didn’t have to cook, you know. You could’ve just left.” you start. It’s already awkward enough that he’s still here. Bloody hell, you should’ve just waited with the plates and ushered him out of your place instead of just getting away as fast as possible from the table. Now that you think about it, this was probably the only time you two were somewhat amicable at such proximity. (Even if you didn’t talk at all. Still, it’s progress.)

He drops his phone on the table with a soft ‘bang’. “It’s the least I could do. Besides, I was starving too.”

“In other words, you’re taking advantage of my fridge?”

“Exactly.”

Just as you’re drying your hands, he’s about to leave. “I’ll get going, lecture’s starting in a few. And, uh, thanks for letting me stay here.”

You just shoot him a weird look. “You already thanked me once. How often do you wanna repeat yourself?”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Fine, next time I’ll just leave without a word then.”

It’s when he’s finally out of the door that his last words sink in.

“Yo, I have pics of sweaty Changbin in a jersey. How much do you wanna pay for those gems?”

You nearly choke on air. “What the fuck?” Really, that’s the only appropriate reaction.

“Hyunjin, this needs more context.” Felix looks like he’s seriously second-guessing his taste in men before shaking it off with a sigh and elaborates. “He’s been trying to find out some scoop about Chan for the campus blog and caught him in his angry boxer mode and Changbin was also there assisting him. Hey, did you know that Chan doesn’t tape his hands before punching the bag? Fuck, that’s so intimidating but so hot at the same time—“

“Yah! I’m your boyfriend! How can you say that in front of me?!”

Changbin. Changbin in a jersey. Changbin in a jersey and drenched in sweat. And Hyunjin seriously has HQ pictures of that Changbin.

It really, absolutely shouldn’t have been the first thing that crossed your mind, but the idea of that Changbin — bonus if he still has anger pent up in him — barging into your place and instantly throwing you on the bed—

“I’m not a perverted creep who’s gonna buy pictures of him that he doesn’t even know exist. Besides, isn’t that a violation of his rights? He never consented to those pics. This is college, you’re only working for the campus blog, not fucking Dispatch.” you deadpan.

“So you don’t even want to take a sneak peek at a picture?”

“No.”

You barely stepped a foot into your apartment when Jisung storms out of his own place and stops in front of you. “You fucking liar.”

“Excuse me? What the— hmph!”

The next thing you know, Jisung forces his way into your hallway, slams the door shut and crowds you against it. His face is invading your personal space, eyes enraged and jaw locked. Even though his anger is far from justified as you haven’t glanced at him ever since he stayed over, a tiny part of you believes that you pissed him off for good. It's not the first time you witness him angry. However, it's the first time you witness him look as if someone murdered his family and was trying to get revenge.

“I thought you took care of it yourself!”

“Took care of what?”

“Did you already forget that I can read your mind?!”

You scrunch your nose, trying to connect the dots in his words. It doesn't take long for you to realize that there’s no point in trying. A frustrated groan leaves you. “Why are you getting so riled up? I just breathed and you stormed into my place!”

“‘Bullshit. You weren’t just breathing,” he snaps, and you flinch when his hand lands a few inches beside your face with a loud pang. “You were thinking of Changbin again! And I mean that in the thousand sex positions and locations you want him to bang you kind of thinking! And also—“

“Also what?”

“I know you’ve been pent up for days. Seriously, why don’t you just get off like every other sane human being?”

His brutal delivery leaves you flabbergasted. How the fuck does he know that? No. No. No. He doesn’t know. He can’t. Just because he can read your mind doesn’t mean that you didn’t pleasure yourself after giving him that blowjob. Jisung’s probably bluffing — he has to be bluffing.

“W-why should I answer you?” you stutter. Suddenly the walls look much more interesting. When was the last time you painted the walls? Maybe it’s time to switch things up—

“Are you really about to get all cocky with me? Give me a break.” Jisung chews on his bottom lip after little deliberation. “You wanna know why? Because one of my best friends is going through a hard time that can utterly destroy his entire future thanks to the fucking universe! If that isn’t stressful as it is, I also see and hear all kinds of things you want Changbin to do to you. And your fantasies are also affecting me.”

You stare at him as if he sprouted eight new legs. “So you’ve also been…?”

“Sexually frustrated? Fuck yes. And it’s all your fault. So take responsibility and do something against it before I do.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“So what if I am?”

A cold shiver runs down your spine once you meet his stone-cold gaze. Frustration is displayed all over his features, from his labored breaths to the raised brow. He’s not playing mind games this time, he’s actually frustrated.

There are a billion red flags, a billion blinking signs saying NO DON’T YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS! DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT in your mind. There are so many countless reasons why you should listen to your head, but the way Jisung is lusting after you is terrifyingly attractive.

You don’t trust your voice to respond verbally. Instead, you look down at your trembling hand and tug at the hem of his shirt. It’s just then when you also realize that your thighs are clenched. Fuck.

Jisung takes the hint. In the blink of an eye, he’s yanking you to your room, kicks the door shut with a loud ‘thud’, and manhandles you on the bed. You’re too stunned to react, and gulp when he hovers over you and strips off his jacket, leaving him in a white shirt that doesn’t hide his toned arms.

“Use the color system, alright? Green when everything is alright, yellow when you want me to slow down, and red when you want me to stop for good?” he asks.

“I know what the color system is,” you mutter, tearing your eyes away from him.

“That’s not an answer to my question.” he presses.

“Fine, color system it is. There! Happy? Now get on with it—“

Jisung pins your wrists above your head vigorously. “You don’t call the shots here. I do.”

Your stomach swoops. You really should’ve listened to your brain. This Jisung isn’t comparable with the Jisung you sucked off a few days ago. That Jisung was cocky — he’s always cocky, what are you even saying — but he still gave you room to breathe. This Jisung is downright scary.

“Good thing for you, I know exactly what you want me to do—” he starts sinisterly as his thigh settles firmly between your legs, pressing up against your clothed core. You suddenly regret wearing a skirt. “—and trust me baby, even if I couldn’t read your mind, I would do all those things because that’s what I plan on doing to you regardless.”

The look he gives you should be illegal. He shouldn’t be in the position to look down at you, as if he’s the king and has free reign over the consequences you are about to bear. Your head suddenly feels dizzy, and it’s way too hot in the room. It’s as if your bedroom has morphed into some vacuum as you’re desperately trying to breathe. Your system ceases to function once he presses his thigh even harder on your cunt, and all you manage to make is a pathetic whimper.

A menacing grin makes its way to his face. He’s clearly thriving on this ego-boost and continues to grind his thigh on you until your hips start to sway along. It seems like you found your voice again once he leans down and nibbles on your neck. Your moans are barely audible at first, but they slowly turn into drawn out mewls and labored breaths.

Your eyes snap open when he suddenly retreats his thigh and holds your hip in a vice grip, stopping you from moving. “W-what the fuck? Why did you stop?”

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Huh?” You squint at him. “But you can read my mind!”

“I want you to say it out loud.”

There’s no way in the universe that you’ll do that. You’ll gladly wipe off that shit-eating grin out of his face whether he likes it or not, but with his hold on your wrists, that is deemed impossible.

You should say something out loud though. Yellow. That would save you from the humiliation. You could regain at least an ounce of control, not feel so pathetic anymore. It’s a simple word, just two syllables, six letters. The tables can be turned to your advantage. It’s easy.

You don’t.

“You’re embarrassed, aren’t you? You can’t say all those filthy thoughts in your head out loud because you’re ashamed, huh? Not when you love feeling so powerless, subject to anything I do to you. Face it baby, just admit that you’re a needy little bitch who wants to get off on my fingers so bad, and I’ll give you what you want,” Jisung growls in between hot, wet kisses he leaves on your neck.

“I—“ you whimper after some difficulties, “I’m your needy little bitch w-who wants to get off on your fingers.”

Jisung’s head pipes up, his face just hovering a couple of inches away from yours. With that little distance between you, you know it’s not a trick of the light and that his eyes are blown up with hunger, hunger, and more hunger. "Not just any bitch, but mine? Do you like it when I call you mine?"

You nod. From there on, it’s a chain reaction.

He wastes no time slipping his fingers past your panties, mindlessly trailing along your folds. You throw your head back in pleasure, bucking your hips into his touch. A cry leaves you the moment he slips a finger inside you, his thumb simultaneously flicking your clit. It’s sensory overload, rendering your rationality to a standstill.

Your utter downfall is marked once Jisung adds a second finger, never slowing down. He groans at the way you clench around him like a maniac, and the sounds he makes send jolts all over your body. You’re writhing under his grasp at this point, overstimulated by everything yet at the same time, you feel your arousal slowly fading.

“Does my baby feel good? Are you close?” Jisung asks, nipping on your earlobe.

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’?”

The pit in your stomach grows. You’ve never experienced claustrophobia, but right now, it’s like everything’s suffocating you. “A-as in I don’t fucking know!” you exclaim shakily.

Jisung stops his movements. The weight on your wrists is lifted, and he looks at you, face unreadable. “(y/n), color. What’s your color?”

“Green. It’s just...” your trail off, avoiding his eyes.

“Just...?”

“I’ve never come before,” you confess in defeat. You really can’t believe that Jisung out of all people is the one to make the call of judgment. “I mean it! I’ve tried getting myself off but I never managed to... so cut me some fucking slack because I’m trying my best here and am still new to everything!”

Jisung stays silent. He stares at you in… confusion? disbelief? You really have no clue how to read his expression. Something negative for sure, though. He’s Satan’s spawn, for fuck’s sake. He’s probably thinking twice about going down on you, thinking about the gravity of a mistake he’s dealing with this time. He just has no clue how to articulate his irritation—

“You’re so cute, fucking hell,” he whispers.

You do a double-take. What? What did he say?

A small chuckle escapes his lips. As if he doesn’t mind. Wait. He doesn’t mind. “I’ll take good care of you. Trust me on this,” he says.

“That’s a little late coming from you, your fingers are literally up my vagi— h-ha-aah—“

“Just shut up and let me do the work.” Jisung rolls his eyes as he works you up again, fingers moving at a slower pace this time. Within minutes, he’s reduced you into a panting, stuttering mess. “You look so tiny and helpless underneath me. How adorable,” he coos, to which you just whine.

“Yeah? You like it when I call you tiny? Like it when your tight cunt already feels stuffed with just two fingers? Maybe we should stretch it to a third one, think you can handle that?” he presses on. That’s when he rams his fingers into a particular spot, making you arch your back. A knowing smile makes its way onto his lips. “Found it.”

“N-no, fuck— t-too much—” you babble, but he continues to abuse your sweet spot without remorse.

An unfamiliar pressure builds up in your abdomen, threatening to burst. Your whines grow louder, breaths shallower. You squeeze your eyes shut as you thrust your hips into his hand, desperate for more friction. “Jisung, I think I’m gonna—”

“Oh no, not like this,” he growls. “Keep your eyes open. I want you to look at me when you cum. So you’ll remember that it was me who made you cum for the first time. It’s me who’s making you feel good.”

That is easier said than done. You manage to open your eyes, though with a lot of difficulties. Scratch that, your eyes are barely open. Jisung is a blurry image, and you’re unable to register everything he says, the sound of his fingers squelching in your heat blaring in your ears.

You deem it fucking impossible to keep your eyes open when your orgasm hits you hard, body spasming from the sensation. But you keep on trying, keep forcing to set your eyes on him.

It’s all worth it though when the reward you get is a proud smile on his face, as well as streams of praises coming from his mouth.

It’s a continuous pattern that goes as follows:

1. You spend your days glued to your friends.

2. At least one of them (usually, it’s Seungmin) preaches how you should get your shit together and ask Changbin out.

3. Somehow, Changbin manages to leave a strong presence in your fantasies and you end up daydreaming about a scenario that stars him, you and a bed (if you’re feeling more daring, any other kind of surface or object he could pound you into.)

4. Jisung notices and forces the horniness out of your system.

5. You tell yourself that it’s the last time Jisung has such control over you.

And then the cycle repeats.

But here’s the thing: you find yourself doing no. 5 you with less conviction the more it happens. No. 5 is a formality at this point. You don’t know when you went the wrong path, but are you really in a position to complain? Jisung is good with you, he’s good with his fingers, even better with his mouth.

But then there’s this side of Jisung after he’s ruined you. He knows what you want to eat after you’re all cleaned up, knows what show you want to watch, knows if you want to just drop dead in bed or need someone to force you to finish your uni assignments. In short: Jisung is good. If you ever said that out loud and someone caught wind of it, they might assume that you liked him.

But Changbin. You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin—

You like Changbin, right?

“You’ve been looking at me as if I had the word CLOWN written over my forehead. Do I have something on my face or what?” you cross your arms and are met with your friends quickly averting their eyes from you.

Felix is the first one to break the silence. “Is that a new dress?”

“Not really. I recently found it when I cleared out my closet and decided to give it one more try. Why—“ you pause, and your expression turns grim once it dawns on you. “I look ridiculous in this, don’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“No!”

“You look like a clown.”

“Seungmin-Hyung, did you really just???”

If your crippling self-esteem hadn’t reached its all-time low before, then it definitely did now. “Geez, thanks,” you deadpan.

Jeongin is panicking, trying to provide some damage control as Felix snaps at Hyunjin and Seungmin. “Nobody cares about your two cents!”

“Well, but she asked for our opinion!”

“Nobody cares about your honest two cents!”

“Let’s just have lunch at the burger place and talk about this later, Hyung!”

You’re still dazed, chuckling dryly like those cartoon characters usually do when their soul leaves their body after someone dragged them. The entire situation is downright sad to witness. Is this a sign that your period is coming soon? That’s it! That probably explains why you’re acting so uncharacteristically sensitive today—

“The dress suits you, (y/n). You should wear it more often,” Changbin says.

“Hah?” you flinch and you’re sure your soul actually left your body when you turn to face Changbin smiling genuinely at you. Out of your periphery, you see Jisung and Chan behind him, but that’s not the point.

What? The? Fuck? Did he really just? Did Changbin just… compliment you?

You don’t realize how long you’ve dumbly stared at him until Jeongin nudges you. “Uhhhh, thanks!” you squeak out, cringing at how your voice just went up by an octave. You can feel Jeongin facepalming internally at your response, but you don’t blame him; you’d most likely do the same.

Changbin just smiles before he turns away to get to his next class, tugging Jisung and Chan with him.

Nevermind. Wearing this dress was the best decision you’ve made in your entire college career. The way you suddenly beam almost gives Felix whiplash — it’s obvious in the way he stares at you as if he ended up watching a comedy instead of the melodrama he was expecting. Hyunjin seems just as flabberghasted, Jeongin is still cringing from the secondhand embarrassment, and Seungmin just grins.

“Ah, so lover boy is the reason, I see.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Oh my god, just shut up, Seungmin.”

Jisung is eating you out with such fervor that has you sobbing and thrashing around. He’s merciless in every literal sense, keeping your hips planted on the couch with his hands to the point where veins are bulging out, and lapping up your juices with his tongue, continuing even though you already came. He only pulls away, lips glistening in your release, once you tug on his hair despite his orders to not do that.

“Already spent now? But baby, we just started.” he pouts. “Or is it because it’s me? Would you defy if Changbin was the one eating you out?”

You stare at him with blown out eyes. Why the fuck is he bringing up Changbin now? The words hang heavy in your throat and are threatening to burst, but the death stare he delivers stops you from doing so.

Something’s not right.

“Don’t tell me... you’re wet again because I just mentioned Changbin. Changbin this, Changbin that, huh? It’s always only Changbin, Changbin, Changbin. And I thought I was doing you good all along,” he rages, making you flinch. He can be terrifying when he wants to be, but this time, he seems completely out of it. “You know what? I’m fucking done with holding back. You’re mine, got it?”

With that, he dives back into your cunt, sucking harshly on your clit as he slides a finger in you. You try to pry him off, but his weight is restraining you to the sofa.

“Jisung, it hurts— ouch—“ Panic starts to rise in you when he finally detaches himself from your nub, but instead, moves down to your thighs and starts sucking on the skin with a force much harder than you’re used from him. “What are you doing? S-stop—!”

“You’re mine, you’re supposed to be mine. I am literally written on your skin. So why can’t you just wish to be with me? Do I have to mark you up so that you’ll finally get it?”

It hurts. It hurts. Once you feel teeth on your skin, you burst into tears. “Red, Jisung, red!”

As if it was the spell to break the cast, Jisung finally snaps out of it. His features break once his eyes meet yours. Regret sticks onto him like a second skin, and he slightly moves his hand in an attempt to reach out to you. Your muscles react faster though, and you instinctively pull your legs towards yourself and shy away from him. The way his face drops by another layer of remorse tugs at your heartstrings, but the impending fear overpowers everything else you’re feeling.

“What’s going on? What went over you?” you ask.

Jisung’s breath is shaky. He feverishly opens his mouth several times, but no sound is coming out. He’s struggling to find the right words, maybe trying to find a somewhat reasonable justification for his behavior. In the end, he lets out a defeated sigh. “I can’t do this anymore without having feelings—” his voice is weak and vulnerable and you’ve never witnessed him break down like this before, “—I like you. I like you the way you like Changbin. I just...”

Silence.

“Leave,” you whisper, but in this silence, your voice rings out loud and clear. This is… too much weight for your heart to carry.

Jisung complies. He grabs his belongings from the floor, slips on his shirt, and leaves with his head hung low. His footsteps grow more and more distant, but then he stops.

“Are you really in love with Changbin?” His voice cracks.

You don’t muster up the courage to face him. “Just read my mind.”

It’s silent again. Too overwhelming. You’re waiting for yet another outburst of him, waiting for his “I want you to say it out loud”, because that’s how the conversation always goes.

The last thing you hear is the front door falling in its lock with a soft click.

You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin you like—

You like him, right?

Things have changed.

You and Jisung haven’t crossed paths ever since, not even passed each other by in the hallways. It’s weird since you’ve grown used to seeing him every day outside of your apartment complex. You’ve never really acknowledged each other’s presence with a wave or something in the sorts; it was just a second where your eyes met, and then your days went on.

That being said, you run into Changbin quite frequently. If you ever exchanged words, it’s nothing more than friendly small talk and the one or other compliment about his music. Talking to Changbin is nice; he makes you smile.

You know a little bit more about Changbin now, like his favorite ice cream flavor or the fact that he has a pokemon plushie named Gyu. It’s cute, and you chuckle when you think about how you’d pay good money for that information a few weeks ago.

Changbin is nice, and there’s nothing more to the story.

The chaotic quartett you call your friends however, doesn’t seem to buy it. They are loud and nosey and have eyes, so it was set in stone that they’d tease you about it sooner or later. It’s all fun and games, and you played along with it at first, because that’s how you guys are. But as time went on, when the banter became so repetitive and blown out of proportion to the point where they have made clowning you about your small interactions with Changbin the pinnacle of their entertainment, you’ve begun to be fed up by it.

“Will you finally stop bringing him up in an indecent manner every single lunch break? Or even better, stop bringing him up altogether?” You snap, which shocks everyone at the table because you never snap.

Nobody has time to react as you quickly stomp away to grab some fresh air. You mutter out every curse under the sun, not intending to let your anger take over you this much. You’ve only made it past the door when Felix catches up to you, placing a hand over your shoulder.

“(y/n), what’s the matter? Clearly, something’s bothering you. And I know it’s not because of just Seungmin.” Concern is woven in his smooth voice.

You have to admit, it was a smart and calculated move from your friends to send Felix your way. He’s always been the compassionate one out of your little friend group. Like a pillar, he’s the one who keeps you all grounded (and he’s the one to drive your asses back home after the wild Alpha Beta Gamma frat parties).

“I don’t like Changbin that way, I realized. So it’d be very much appreciated if you asses didn’t allude to that every time,” you huff.

Felix sends you an understanding smile. “We can work that out. You know that Hyunjin and Seungmin in particular can be insensitive and sometimes don’t realize they’ve taken things too far..”

“Fine, but that’s not the main thing that’s eating me up alive, Felix.” you sigh. The words seem to flow out of your mouth like a waterfall. “I’ve realized I’ve never really liked Changbin. Okay, fine, he was just a crush I had but I don’t like him.”

He nods slowly, his brain processing your ramble. “So you like someone else.”

“Yes. And I don’t know how to fix it because we got into a huge fight.”

“Talk to them. That’s the only thing left to do.” His response is immediate, and he says it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Every relationship has its ups and downs, and if you want to be committed, you have to fight for it. If you were made for one another, you’ll make it.”

The last part makes you laugh internally. If only he knew.

“Let me guess, you expect me to barge into his place to sort things out,” you say.

Felix gives you the look of judgment. “I mean, you could also show some human decency and text him in advance so he’s also prepared. But that works fine too.”

Come to think of it, you’ve never been to Jisung’s apartment. That’s about to change when you knock on his door sometime in the evening, shortly after sunset.

Jisung’s face immediately drops once he opens the door. “What are you doing here?” His voice is soft, drenched in regret.

It’s not that his appearance has reached rock bottom. He still takes good care of himself; however, you pick up the dark circles under his eyes and his complexion seems a little paler. Not sickeningly pale, but in a sense that he hasn’t seen the light of day for a few consecutive days.

You shift your weight on one leg and fiddle with your fingers. “Can we talk?”

Jisung gulps. “Yeah, sure,” he mumbles after a moment of hesitation before inviting you in.

“I’ve thought a long time about this. Everything, really,” you start awkwardly as soon as you’re both standing stiffly in his living room. “I, um…”

You cringe inwardly as your voice trails off. Truth be told, you’ve rehearsed what you wanted to say many times a few hours ago. Even wrote down the entire speech. Then threw the draft away, only to compose a new one. And then again and again and again. After what felt like an eternity, you had polished your final speech and memorized it from top to bottom, even making sure that your flow sounded natural. But now that this is the real deal, your mind goes blank. Of course, of fucking course, your illiterate brain had to give up on you in the situation that mattered the most.

Jisung purses his lips. “Do you want something to drink first? No need to rush—”

“I don’t like Changbin!” you blurt out. Jisung stares at you in confusion. “I mean, I used to like Changbin — I still do, he’s a nice guy! Don’t get me wrong — but that’s all he is. He’s… nice. I like him, as a friendly guy. I had a crush on him, but now it’s just, uh, like. Platonic! Yeah, platonic.”

Despite him nodding slowly, you know that he is still lost. You would be too if you were on the receiving end of this painfully clumsy delivery.

You give yourself a mental slap as you take a deep breath. It can’t get any worse than this. Definitely impossible. You’ve already proven to him how bad your public speaking skills are. Might as well get over it with the bluntest words. “I miss you. And not because of the sexual things we did, but everything else. I miss you coming over, miss the movie night, and all that. I miss you, Jisung.”

He stares at you silently. Your eyes search his face for any sign of emotion, and for one too many times, Jisung is impossible to read. Okay, perhaps you did manage to tell him what you wanted to tell him even worse than whatever the fuck your initial attempt was.

But then his blank armor cracks. Little by little, his eyes soften, disbelief and remorse on display for you to see. Jisung is looking at you as if his world has fallen apart even more. He’s looking at you as if he’s clinging to the last threads of reason, trying to make sense of the situation. He’s looking at you with eyes that could hold stars behind them, stars that were supposed to burn out yet shine brighter than the universe.

“How can you say that? I hurt you. I made you cry! I was being a selfish asshole who put out his anger on you!” he exclaims, voice breaking towards the end. Pain clouds his red eyes, and he’s fighting to keep the tears at bay.

You slowly prod closer to him, testing the waters. He doesn’t react once, not even when you stand directly in front of him. Not even when you gently place your hands on a shoulder each. Not until you say, “It’s alright. I’m alright. No hard feelings.”

That’s his breaking point. Tears stream down his face, while quiet hiccups jump out of his throat. “How can you be so nice to me?” His sobs are muffled as he eases into your touch, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around your waist, clinging onto you as if you’re his lifeline.

The answer is simple, you say to yourself, as you thread a hand in his hair. “We’re soulmates.”

The weight of the words hangs in the air, shattering the previous tension and all the worries in your heart. It’s liberating, finally being able to say it out loud without feeling like an abnormality for saying those words with happiness. You’re soulmates. You’re soulmates, and that’s okay.

Jisung’s sobs resound throughout the room, and so do his countless, tiny yeah, we are’s. You need a moment before you register the wetness on your face. It feels like an eternity standing in his warm embrace, even after there are no more tears left to cry.

“Can I kiss you?” Your voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, but Jisung catches it. two fingers gently lift your chin so that you’re facing him. You almost melt when your eyes meet, his gaze filled with adoration that makes you want to burst at the seams.

“Yeah. I’d love that.” Jisung smiles.

It costs you your willpower to tear your eyes away from him before they flutter down to his lips. Despite his bottom lip being a little cracked, they look inviting and you wonder what they taste like. You expect him to nudge you, expect him to tell you to hurry up and do something because you’re pretty sure you’re staring at his lips for far too long.

He doesn’t. The grip on your chin is loose as if to tell you to take your time and go at your own pace. But the longer you wait, the more reluctance builds up. It’s a lot of power he’s given you; hell, it’s the first time he hands the reigns to you.

“Can you… uhm… I’ve never done this before, so yeah…” you look at him with a crooked smile.

The breathless chuckle that leaves him sounds like music to your ears. Jisung moves his hand to the back of your neck before closing the distance between you.

The kiss is short and sweet, but that alone suffices to make the butterflies in your stomach burst. The faint taste of coke lingers on him, and before you know it, you’re kissing again. Jisung’s lips are like an addiction, reeling you back in for another one. Somewhere along the way, the kisses change. Innocent presses of lips are long forgotten, replaced by teeth playfully tugging on your bottom lip, and Jisung kissing you deeper to the point where he steals all oxygen out of your lungs.

Your hands slide down his chest, tugging on his shirt. Startled by your bold actions, he pulls away, but you catch him back into another liplock that leaves the two of you breathless. All you can think of clearly is Jisung Jisung Jisung—

This time he forces himself away from you. Gasping for air, he places his forehead on yours. “If we go farther than this, then I don’t know if I can control myself.” His warning is barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t,” you whisper back.

That’s all the reassurance he needs before leading you to his bedroom, all the whilst latching onto your lips once more. He doesn’t let go of you until your back hits the soft mattress and he’s on top of you. Warm, slightly calloused hands trail from your cheeks to the hem of your shirt.

“Color?”

“Green,” you respond, smiling up at him. The sun has long vanished at the horizon, replaced by the dim moon and stars. Despite only a little light surging past the blinds into the room, you can see Jisung’s features crystal clear. The endearing smile is cast into the back of your mind, so is the delicacy in his touch, fingertips lightly grazing your skin as he sheds all your clothes off until you’re left in your underwear. After hearing your complaints, he discards his own clothes with an amused glint in his eyes.

Jisung takes his time pounding every single detail of your features into his memory. His hands roam all over your body, inciting goosebumps. You lean into his touch with a sigh and flit your gaze to him once he stops on a particular spot.

The look on his face is unreadable, but the hesitation in his voice speaks for itself.  “Does this bug you?” he asks, uncertainty laced in it as he runs his finger over each character of his name that’s inked under your collarbone. You shake your head with a hum that turns into a soft moan once he leaves kisses on the spots his finger burned before, one for each letter. Eventually, his actions spiral out to sucking lovebites and rutting his bulge against your heat, enticing louder whines out of you. Your vision morphs into blurriness as you move your hips in sync with his, locking your arms around his neck to pull him even closer to you.

“(y/n), baby…” Jisung heaves for air, “Is it okay if I…?.”

“Please,” you mewl, “want you inside me.” Your desperation must’ve shone through your tone, as Jisung presses a loving kiss on your forehead before he reaches over to the nightstand for a condom, grinning like a lovesick idiot.  

In books and movies, this is the part where the virgin would reach peak nervousness. Too many fears would be inhabiting their mind; the fear of pain, fear of not fulfilling their partner’s needs, fear of the entire situation, essentially. Whatever they depict in those books and movies, it doesn’t match up with the warmth and want pumping in your veins. Even after Jisung slipped your and his underwear off and slid the condom on his leaking cock, there’s no sign of fear bubbling in you. It’s rather the opposite; you nudge him to finally slide into you.

“So impatient,” he tuts playfully, and because he can’t help being a bit sadistic, he teases your dripping entrance with the tip of his cock. Tears begin to form in your eyes from the frustration of clenching around nothing. You feel like crying for good once he slowly pushes into you. The stretch feels unfamiliar and completely different than what you’re used to from his fingers, but it’s not unpleasant as you throw your head back. While you’re adjusting to his girth, Jisung observes your every expression, faltering whenever you scrunch your eyes shut. 

“You still there?” he asks in hushed tones, caressing your cheek.

In awe about his concern, you nod. “I’m fine. It’s just… new. I’ve never done this, but I guess you already figured that out.” It takes you a moment to catch your breath, and then you give him the green light to continue.

The way Jisung has your hands firmly against the bed lacks the usual roughness; he isn’t gripping your wrists as if he’s about to cut off your blood circulation. This time, he has intertwined his fingers with yours as if he doesn’t ever want to let go of you. A firework of colors and stars is all you see as he thrusts into slow and deep and with all the passion he has to offer. His lips don’t leave space for a breather either; he kisses you with so much fervor that it swallows your heart up whole. At that instant, you realize that he’s claimed your heart and isn’t going to give that up any time soon. You don’t mind, because you know that you’ve committed the same crime.

It’s not long after until you feel the orgasm building up. Jisung brings one hand down to flick your clit, and just like that, you unravel beneath him. His own release follows suit, a muffled groan coming from his lips as he spills into the condom.

It’s quiet for a moment, no words spoken between you except for harsh breathing. Eventually, Jisung slides his softening dick out of you and disappears for a moment to clean up, returning with a damp towel for you to freshen up a little, as well as a glass of water.

“I think I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” you say after you gulped down the drink in one go, voice devoid of emotion. A laugh leaves Jisung. The way you deliver it is so casual as if he didn’t just have his dick in you minutes before. “Also, isn’t this the part where we should cuddle?”

“So bossy, your royal majesty.” He even takes a bow before he climbs back on the bed, pulling the covers over your bodies, and scooting up to you. He says something else, but you don’t register what exactly. All you care about is being wrapped in his warm embrace. The stench of sweat isn’t prominent on him anymore. Instead, it’s a huge cloud of Axe overpowering your senses. You would complain, but you’re too blissed out to bother.

Jisung must’ve noticed at a certain point that you’ve wandered to daydream paradise. “You’ve been quiet for a while. A penny for your thoughts.”

“But you can read my mind.”

“I want you to say it out loud.” His answer comes like a shot while his hand is brushing through your hair. “That, and your thoughts are too jumbled and my head is going to malfunction if I try to decode everything running in your head right now.”

The corners of your lips quirk upwards. “I’m just thinking about how we did everything in the wrong order. It’s just now that we kissed, before that I only sucked you off or something. We’re so fucked up.”

“If you word it that way, we definitely didn’t follow the book.” Jisung laughs in agreement. The vibrations from his chest causes you to bubble up in warmth.

“I don’t mind, though. That’s not the point. I’m happy.” You don’t have to look up to know that his eyes lit up. “Jisung, I’m happy that you’re mine.”

The hold around your waist tightens, and you feel a soft kiss being pressed on top of your head. “And I’m happy that you’re mine.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you probably wouldn’t have to go through these struggles. Society would normalize having someone that completes you. You wouldn’t go through countless stages of denial, countless stages of frustration, and countless stages of doubt.

In another lifetime, another universe, you potentially could’ve been on even worse terms. Just like in those cyberpunk movies, maybe you two would be enemies, one fighting alongside the government, the other assisting the villain who tries to overthrow the system. Star-crossed lovers, that’s what you two would be dubbed as.

In another lifetime, another univer—

No need to fantasize about what could be. The only lifetime that matters is this lifetime, this universe, your reality. In reality, people like you live in hiding. In reality, society is doubtful towards people with soulmates. In reality, people like you are destined for a tragedy. It’s taken you a long time to wrap it around your head.

That’s alright though. You’re alright. You’ll always be alright. The universe might have not played in your favor in this lifetime, but you still found each other. Perhaps, the universe will be more forgiving towards you in your next lifetime. Or the one after. Who knows? Whatever happens, at least you know you have one person you’re bound to meet wherever you are, whenever you are. One person who won’t ever let go of you. One person you won’t ever let go of.

“Yeah, I’m yours.”

#i'm never writing a oneshot again this is too stressful for my heart #stray kids smut #skz smut #han jisung smut #jisung smut #stray kids dark hours #dom!jisung #sub!reader #jijiri.txt #smut.mine #i winged the ending so pls go easy on me dlskjflkjsa

[citizen-zero]

alright I’ve decided Fear Street 1994 is a good example of queer horror because like. Okay spoilers ahead.

Honestly, for being a cheesy slasher movie based on a series of teen novels, this movie was surprisingly thoughtful and poignant? Obviously it couldn’t have a deep exploration of certain topics, but it managed to be pretty cool when it touched on them. I focused mainly on the queer aspect but there’s also quite a few things I liked when it came to depicting people of color, impacts of socioeconomic disadvantagement, and also cops being bastards.

Bury Your Gays doesn’t really happen here, IMO. Neither Sam nor Deena actually technically die or stay dead, and IMO it’s ambiguous whether Sam is actually dead at the end of the movie or if she’s just been possessed by the witch. I’m inclined to think she’s been possessed because she’s alive and fine until she hears Sarah Fier’s voice as she’s being possessed

And like, BYG is when the queer characters die for no real reason and it feels like they’re being punished for being queer. Their deaths don’t feel like they served or meant anything. That isn’t the case here—this ending felt like a classic slasher movie ending where it just happens the characters involved are queer. There’s nothing about it that suggests they got this ending as a punishment for being queer and in fact, they still don’t die! Deena survives the attack and manages to subdue Sam.

You could’ve made either one of them a guy, and the ending would’ve worked just the same. Honestly that’s why I think this whole movie manages to be good queer rep while still being horror, because there’s nothing in it that felt like it wouldn’t have happened in a movie about a straight couple.

I was literally sitting here thinking, “You could make one of them a guy, and 99% of the movie would still work.” And that 1% is a brief allusion they make to their relationship not being fully open because they’re lesbians. You could write those lines out and the rest of it still works 100%. But even that allusion kinda never really comes into play, because hiding the relationship isn’t a plot point. They’re not hiding from their friends, and their friends are totally cool and accepting, so it feels more like flavor and context for why they’re not on good terms at the beginning of the movie.

(Also they FULLY use the gender neutrality of Sam’s name to straight bait lmfao and I can ALWAYS get on board with that)

You wouldn’t even have to change the fact that Sam’s mom is probably meant to be homophobic, because even though that’s what I and probably most viewers assume based on the fact that her daughter is in a gay relationship and she clearly dislikes Deena...there’s never anything that solidly proves that she dislikes her for homophobic reasons. She never makes any statement that would be out of place in a story about a straight couple. A parent hating their teenager’s high school sweetheart because “they’re a bad influence” is a really common trope across all teen movie genres, so again, you could make Sam or Deena a guy and the interactions would not change one bit.

Sam and Deena also get a really nice story arc that feels like a typical horror movie romance, but the typicality is the point! Nothing really changes just because they’re gay! They’re really sweet together, they have typical teen drama, their friends are supportive, and they have SUCH a sweet moment together near the movie’s climax. You’ll know it when you see it. So it feels like they got to be fully fleshed out characters whose unhappy ending was due to the genre tropes, not due to homophobia.

So overall, I’m gonna say that this movie is not an example of Bury Your Gays because 99% of it would work and not be weird if it was a straight couple instead.

Other things I liked about this movie that aren’t queer but were great anyway:

I love how every character in this movie who isn’t a cop is all ACAB, even the rich white asshole characters who would probably be able to get the cops to side with them. Even though one of the cops is meant to be a “good cop,” he’s still shown as a cop with all the institutional bullshit that entails. And I feel the narrative acknowledges that. He’s sorta nice to the kids, but he’s still holding a black man in police custody that the audience knows to be innocent. They literally shot their main suspect dead at the scene and he’s still trying to pin the other crimes on the black janitor.

I love everything about Josh. I love that he doesn’t die and I was so afraid he would because the black characters almost always die in this kind of slasher movie. I love that he’s shown being a nerd onscreen (RPing a knight in AOL chat rooms and playing video games and using the Konami code as a self confidence booster) and I love that his interest in local true crime and the paranormal ends up being a big resource and he’s the one who comes up with the Pretty Good Plan to defeat the monsters (even if it doesn’t end up working because it’s a horror movie). I love that he gets to have an innocent teen boy crush on a girl and isn’t made uncharacteristically predatory in the moment where he’s alone with her, or punished for being attracted to her (yeah I know, she dies, but again, it comes off like a trope rather than a punishment for some kind of transgression—it wouldn’t be a slasher if half the main cast didn’t end up dead).

Brief but overt mentions of the socioeconomic disadvantages that some of the characters face. Two of the characters are drug dealers, yeah, but they’re also shown to be hard workers in school and legitimate work. One is class valedictorian, the other is employee of the month several months in a row. It’s apparent and also outright stated that the drug hustle is directly related to the fact that they’re disadvantaged and trying to get money for themselves so they can leave their shitty town for a better life. They’re not painted by the narrative as good for nothing junkies, they’re shown to be kids in bad circumstances trying to survive. They’re also selling prescription drugs which IMO suggests....idk, I’ve always seen prescription drug abuse be associated with upper economic classes, so whether that’s true or not, the implication is there. And their knowledge of how to induce an overdose ends up playing a plot important role even if the plan doesn’t work, so although the movie doesn’t condone what they’re doing, it also lets them have a moment where their illicitly gained knowledge has a positive aspect to it. Also both of them are white which, alongside Josh, is a refreshing change of pace in terms of how people are depicted. Obviously the same principles of “dealing to survive” apply to people of color, but I think it worked better this way because the average viewer might not pick up on that nuance. So I’m glad they went for stereotype breaking because this is a 107 minute movie about undead serial killers, not an Academy award winning drama.

#fear street #netflix fear street #fear street part 1: 1994 #fear street spoilers #personal #erika's blog and bar

[altruisticenigma]

Can you elaborate on twin flames being overrated? I've never seen someone with that take before, and I'd love to hear your perspective

I am SO glad you asked this question! I’m excited to talk about this!!!

There are several reasons, both from “dear lord this is dumb” reasons to more serious reasons as to why Twin Flames are severely overrated to me. I’m going to link some websites below that show examples of “Twin Flame signs” as well as the difference between “Twin Flames” & “soulmates.” I’ll be referencing back to these lists and these bonds, and how this type of thinking could seriously hurt your relationships. Under a cut because this is very long!

*** TW emotional abuse ment ***

If this needs any other trigger warnings please let me know!

1.) A lot of these “signs” & the “journey” to being with your Twin Flame is just taking a spiritual spin on the Hollywood trope of relationships.

Think about it. How many movies have those couples like in The Notebook, Love, Actually or Titanic: where the initial meeting is intense, a bit tumultuous, but they basically are deeply in love and they complement each other? And there’s a parting, and then a chase, and they end up together? Twin Flames are simply the spiritual spin on it. It becomes even more romanticized if you think there’s a divine reason this person is with you, AND you’re struggling with them & should continue. After all- it’s divine timing! And you’ll be together forever!

2.) Most of the “signs” are just a signs of a healthy relationship. There’s nothing special about a Twin Flame, sans the “spiritual” aspect of it.

I’m mostly referencing the second link. If you look at the signs, there’s just small differences between what people would say is a good relationship versus a Twin Flame. Things like: “You almost have a psychic connection,” “Your connection feels divine,” “Uncanny synchronicities exist between you,” etc etc. Otherwise, the “signs” are just... mundane signs of a healthy relationship.

This criticism is coming from someone who is engaged to another pagan, where our relationship meets a lot of the Twin Flame criteria. Their deities are quite similar to mine. That could be a “synchronicity,” but I don’t see it as so. Could I see it as a blessing? Yes. Do I see them as my Twin Flame? No. We also tend to finish each other’s thoughts and know how each other feels, but that has everything to do with years of being around one another, NOT any sort of divine influence. The only synchronicity I could think of is how we’re 2 years, 2 days a part in age, and even then, that could be quite a coincidence.

3.) Imagine telling your significant other you’re their Twin Flame and how much pressure that would put on them. Ouch.

I JUST saw this happen recently, and this couple broke up! I remember recoiling in horror when my friend came to me, saying “They’re my Twin Flame!” And I immediately thought to myself “Oh honey... But all the red flags.... Take off the rose-colored glasses....”

When you tell your SO this, you’re basically telling them “We’re meant to be, you can’t leave me. Even if you do, we’re going to end up together again. Your thoughts/feelings on the matter doesn’t matter, because it’s predestined.” That is possessive and lowkey toxic thinking. Although these articles try to comfort people, as if to say “It’s okay if you break up- you’ll end up together again!” It’s obsessive thinking. What’s worse is, it’s such a common spiritual idea and doesn’t seem to have any criticism for how it could be harmful. 

4.) The idea of Twin Flames inherently cause people to devalue relationships (weird!). They’re a “special bond,” so special, that even “soulmates” is now in another category, when before, “soulmates” was what you thought of when you thought romance. It makes the person wonder if their relationship is with “THE ONE.”

“A soul mate is someone you share a close friendship and deep personal understanding of each other. You just click!”

vs.

“Twin flames, known as twin souls, are literally the other half of your soul. You only have one twin soul, ever!” / “And the best way to describe twin souls/flames, is to imagine a soul being split into two. Yup, that is how you and your twin flame were created. You are each others yin yang.”

Imagine constantly wondering if your relationship truly is with THE ONE or not. Constantly wondering if they meet the criteria for a Twin Flame. Imagine that you have a partner who treats you wonderfully, is respectful, happy, and patient, you don’t fight a lot with them, you never have to chase them- but because they don’t meet the whole chaotic and tumultuous parts of the Twin Flame aspects, you leave them. It puts this idea in your head that because there is ONLY ONE PERSON for you, you should find them and them only. It really glorifies this intense relationship with the other half of your soul.

5.) The idea of Twin Flames do lowkey glorify emotional abuse, just in a spiritual light.

This is kind of tricky. It’s because of the wording. The websites are saying you’re “confronting your own insecurities, doubts and fears,” which, with the RIGHT person, yes you should always be growing. I just don’t necessarily think in the chaotic way they’re describing. Yes, all relationships have rough spots, but for some reason Twin Flames HAVE to struggle for the sake of growth... The way they describe it, however. seems kind of shady (This isn’t The Notebook!). 

However, what I’m trying to say is if someone were to be seeking a reason to be staying in a difficult relationship (as in, not to give up just yet), they would see this and continue to trudge on with the belief that they’re struggling in their relationship because it was meant to be that way. There’s a lot of mentality like this in social media in general: “Don’t give up; we’ve shared so much together,” “They may make me angry, but nobody knows me better,” etc etc, but when you shed it in a spiritual light, it becomes even scarier in my opinion. You think they’re The One for you and you’re not willing to give it up, and it’s all because of Twin Flame ideology. 

6.) The idea of Twin Flames doesn’t account for possible age differences, technological barriers, locational barriers, language barriers, even timeline differences. (Then again, this is all spiritual and predestined, so this might be cancelled out). 

This is the one thing that gets me excited and the thing I don’t think people think about sometimes.

Sure, your Twin Flame is out there. But I really hope the Universe accounted for everything I said above. There’s this inherent assumption in the Twin Flame ideology that your Twin Flame would end up being the same/close to same age as you, the preferred gender, would speak the same language as you, and could be accessible via technology and travel. That COULD just be the skeptic in me (I’m a Hekatean devotee, we’re inclined to skepticism) but having all of that at once so your crossroads meet... Is. Well. Hm.

I mean, we could account for the Love, Actually scenario, where there was an entire language barrier and they still fell in love and learned each other’s languages, but still. 

7.) I personally believe there is no “One” for you. Love is a constant choice to grow and improve together. Love is team work and communication. Love is compromise and balance as well.

This is just my PSA on the whole love and romance stuff. I’ve been through the ringer in emotional abuse for years and learned a lot. I’m very lucky to have found a partner who is quite compatible with me as well, but what it comes down to is what I said above.

Whew, this had me have so many thoughts I had to type this on desktop. I’m always on mobile lol. If you have any comments just do it below (harassers will be blocked, please adhere to my DNI). I put this on my main blog and not my witchcraft blog (@discipleofhekate) because I didn’t want the negativity on it, but if you wanna see any Hekatean & Cernunnos worship and general witchy tips, check it out! #ShamelessPlug lol. 

LINKS:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/twin-flames-signs-meaning-and-stages

https://lonerwolf.com/twin-flame/#h-11-signs-you-re-in-a-twin-flame-relationship

https://vocal.media/humans/twin-flame-and-soul-mate-the-difference

#twin flames #twin flame #witchcraft #pagan witch #spiritual #anyway here's wonderwall #daughterofthegoldenandthesilver #answers

[blazedbakugou]

philophobia || suki

philophobia

an irrational or disproportionate fear of falling in love. 

In which Suki realizes that perhaps she’s finally found something more intimidating than fighting on the battlefield— confessing her love for you. 

a/n: uh hi this is my first time writing in a long time and my first time writing for atla so I hope this doesn’t suck. This fic is meant to take place after the war, but they’ve also got modern technology so I thought I’d clear that up to avoid any future confusion. Feedback is always welcome!

this is for @fromthewatertribe‘s 1k event, I hope you like it babe :) if you don’t then please just lie to me for the sake of my fragile ego

word count: 3.1k 

prompt: “I think I’m falling in love with you, and it scares me.”

- - - 

In every romantic movie that Suki had ever seen, every romance novel she’d ever read, and every love story she’d ever heard— she always found a common theme. It was the mutual pining followed by the infamous “oh” moment that never failed to fill her heart with warmth. It was always satisfying to see two idiots hopelessly in love finally end up together. Her favorite trope was two best friends secretly in love; perhaps because she saw herself in the trope— even if she refused to admit it. 

She wondered to herself what movies you had picked out for the night as she approached your front door. Every Thursday night for the past two years, Suki came over to hang out with you, whether it be to watch movies, cook dinner, or just catch up on whatever had happened during the week. Soon enough, Thursday nights had quickly become Suki’s favorite day of the week. 

With a paper bag full of all your favorite snacks in one arm, she reached into her pocket for her phone so she could let you know that she was outside. Before she could even get the chance to unlock her phone, you’d already swung the door open. 

“You should learn how to knock, you know.” You leaned against the doorframe with a teasing smile. 

For some inexplicable reason, Suki’s heart always managed to skip a beat when she saw you smile— she’d never dare to let you know that though. 

Suki shifted on her feet awkwardly, momentarily at a loss for words before recomposing herself, “please, who even knocks these days? Now are you going to let me in or am I just supposed to let this ice cream melt?” 

“Ice cream?! Did you get my favorite kind? Oh, please tell me you did.” You all but dragged her into your apartment before shutting the door and pressing her against it.

Suki held her breath as you tried to examine the contents of the paper bag before you realized what you were doing and stepped back with a sheepish grin. You followed her into the kitchen where she gently set down the bag on the counter. Your excited squeals filled the room when you pulled out the tub of cookie dough ice cream— the holy grail. You wrapped your arms around Suki so tight that she was worried you’d be able to feel her heart pounding in her chest. 

“You got it! Oh, I love you so much I could just kiss you.” You exclaimed, causing Suki’s cheeks to heat up and turn a slight shade of red. 

“I-uh, yeah. I told you I would, didn't I?” Suki hesitantly wrapped her arms around you as well, but only for a brief moment before pulling away. 

She watched you grab two spoons out of the utensil drawer before bumping it closed with her hip and walking into the living room. Suki followed, observing the way you let yourself fall onto the sofa before gently sitting down beside you with a small smile. You scooted closer until your thigh touched hers, sending a spark through her body that felt significantly stronger today for some reason. 

“What’s on the watchlist today?” Suki asked, secretly hoping it wasn’t another horror movie because the last time she watched one with you she’d gotten nightmares for a week straight. 

You took a second to finish the ice cream in your mouth before replying, “another rom-com because I know how much you love those.” 

Suki playfully rolled her eyes before softly flicking your thigh, “whatever loser, let’s just get this over with.”

- - - 

“Oh, come on! It’s always the best friend who ends up with the protagonist. Why not switch it up a little every now and then?” You huffed as the two best friends shared a passionate kiss in the rain. 

“...what’s wrong with two best friends being in love?” Suki muttered under her breath. 

You lifted your head from her shoulder to look at her with a curious expression, “I mean, all I’m saying is that it’s a bit unrealistic don’t you think?” 

Ouch. That one certainly stung. Suki kept her gaze downward, afraid that if you looked into her eyes then maybe you’d find out the truth. She quietly retracted her hand from yours, honestly, she hadn’t even realized when you’d grabbed it in the first place. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s impossible though.” Suki countered, coming off as a bit defensive in your opinion. 

“You think it could really happen?” You whispered, looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read. Was that… hope? No, no it couldn’t be. 

“I-I don’t know, I’m gonna go to the restroom real quick. Go ahead and pick another movie in the meantime.” Suki got up and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. 

She shut the door behind her before letting out a breath that didn’t even know she was holding in. Suki stared at herself in the mirror for a moment as she let out a sigh. Why did she react like that? Why was she being so fucking weird? God, you probably thought she was a total weirdo. It’s not like she had never hung out with you before, so why was she acting like this? 

You were her best friend, she was supposed to feel at ease around you. So why was it that you made it impossible for her to ignore this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever you got a tad too close? Why did you always have to make her stumble over her words with one look into those breathtaking eyes of yours? Suki felt like her head was spinning with all these thoughts bombarding her at once. She slipped down to the floor, leaning against the door and she dialed Ty Lee’s number. She could really use some advice. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Ty Lee…” Suki sighed. 

“What’s up?”

“I just wanted to chat for a bit.”

“Right now? I thought you’d be too busy making out with your girlfriend.”

Suki choked on air as she rushed to deny her friend’s assumption, “She’s not my girlfriend!”

“Alright! Fine, whatever you say, buddy. What’s bugging you though? You don’t sound like your usual self.” 

“I don’t know… things are weird.” 

“Gonna have to be a bit more specific than that if you want the advice you’re looking for.” 

“It’s her. Ever since I got here, I’ve been feeling all funny and it’s been driving me insane all night.” Suki confessed. 

“Did you have an argument or something?” 

“Not really? I don’t know, I don’t think I’d call it that. But we did kind of have this brief little discussion about best friends being in love...” 

“Oh, my god you finally told her?!” Ty Lee practically shouted, loud enough that Suki winced as she pulled the phone away from her ear for a second. 

“Told her what? I didn’t tell her anything.” 

“That you’re head over heels in love with her, silly.” 

“I never said I was! Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not even true. What would even make you think that?” Suki’s flurry of questions came out in a rush, faster than she could process them. 

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you’re still in denial. Suki, sweetie, you’ve been whipped for that girl since the day you met.” 

As much as Suki hated to admit it, she knew her friend was right. She was absolutely whipped for you and had been for quite some time now. Though she never brought herself to acting on those feelings in fear of ruining a perfectly fine friendship. So instead, she buried those feelings deep down inside her and settled for the safer, although not a nearly as satisfying option, and kept things “strictly platonic”. 

It wasn’t like she’d never tried to confess her feelings for you. It just so happened that every time she planned on doing so, something always came up. She figured it was a sign that maybe she should keep quiet and save herself the embarrassment. Except the only problem with that was that every time she saw you, those feelings only continued to grow. They got stronger until they reached the point where it became nearly impossible to ignore them. Which is precisely why Suki currently found herself at a crossroads where she could continue to play it safe and deny all feelings for you— or she could take a leap of faith and finally listen to what her heart had been screaming at her for the past two years. 

Fuck all that. Keeping quiet all that time felt like torture in the worst form, and honestly, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep up with this façade. 

“...is it that obvious?” Suki mumbled quietly. 

“Oh, one hundred percent. I don’t understand why you have such a hard time accepting it since she clearly feels the same way.” 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, my friend. She definitely doesn’t have any feelings for me whatsoever.” 

“What makes you so sure about that?” 

“Well, for starters, earlier when we were watching a movie. It brought up the topic of two best friends being in love and she was complaining about how it’s so unrealistic. So I argued that it wasn’t totally impossible and then she asked me if I thought that it could really happen.” Suki explained. 

“Uh-huh… and what did you answer?” 

“I panicked and rushed to the restroom and called you.” 

“Suki!” 

“I mean we’re gay for each other but I always saw it in a friendly way. You don’t think she-” 

Ty Lee interrupted, “Yes! Yes, she does!” 

“You say that you’re absolutely sure of it.” Suki frowned. 

“You do realize how dumb you sound right now, right?” 

“I know! I’m an idiot, you don’t have to remind me. I swear this girl makes me get all messed up inside and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

“Love is never easy, but it’s always worth it.” 

“God, she makes me want to gather all the stars in the sky just to see her smile.”

“Yeah, being in love does that to ya.” 

Suki grumbled, “I’m not in love with her!” 

“But you love her, don’t you?”

Did Suki love you? She wasn’t quite sure. She knew she loved your smile and the way it was slightly crooked. She knew she loved the way you were soft to the very core but were never afraid to speak your mind. She knew she loved how in a world filled with darkness and gloom, you remained a beaming ball of light and positivity. 

She knew all these things and despite knowing them, she still couldn’t bring herself to speak them out loud. So for now they’d stay hidden in the depths of her heart, tucked away with the rest of the things she wished she could tell you. Suki loved you, god she loved you with every fiber of her being, and she was starting to grow tired of pretending otherwise. 

Suki felt a pang in her chest as she replied, “more than she’ll ever know…”

“There you go, you already know you’ve got feelings for the girl so I think it’s time you act on them. You’ve tortured yourself enough already.” 

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“Hurry along now! Don’t take too long in there! She’ll probably think you’ve got the runs or something.”

“I mean, with how nervous I’m feeling— that doesn’t sound too unlikely.” 

“Suki! Get your shit together—no pun intended— and go out there and get your girl!” 

“Ugh, if this blows up in my face then I hope you know that I will be moving to another nation and changing my identity.” 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Just be sure to invite me to your wedding.” 

Suki ended the call and stood up, looking at herself in the mirror once again. She played with her hair in an attempt to tame it, growing frustrated at the small baby hairs that refused to stay put before huffing and giving up. Her clammy hand grasped the silver door handle and pushed down, opening the door and revealing you standing there with a shocked expression. 

“You love me?” You breathed out, utterly shocked. 

Fuck. 

- - - 

After what felt like an eternity of awkward silence, Suki sighed and motioned for you to follow her into the living room. She tried to desperately ignore the sound of blood rushing in her ears and took her spot on the sofa just a few inches away from you in fear of you somehow hearing her racing heart. Suki knew you were waiting for a response, she knew that you deserved an explanation but every time she tried to speak the words wouldn’t come out. 

It frustrated her that you had so much power over her. This wasn’t the first time Suki had confessed feelings for a girl, so why was this time so difficult? She’s fought off several enemies—none of which ever stood a chance, to begin with… so why couldn’t she admit her feelings for you? Her mouth felt dry and her hands were trembling, if you didn’t know any better, you would’ve assumed the poor girl was going to pass out— though to be fair, Suki did feel like she was going to pass out. 

“Why were you waiting outside the bathroom?” Suki interrogated, going back to her defensive ways. 

“I- well, I was worried that I had upset you earlier and you were taking a while so I wanted to check on you to see if you were okay.” You answered with a frown. 

“I’m fine. I just, I guess there’s no way out of this except through an explanation,” Suki sighed, “look, I didn’t want for you to find out this way and if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure if I ever wanted you to find out.” 

“But why not? How long have you been hiding this from me? Why didn’t you ever say anything?” You asked question after question, and it was making Suki’s head spin. 

Suki held a hand out, silently pleading you to slow down, “I don’t know… it’s complicated. I guess I didn’t say anything because I was scared. I’m still scared.”

“What are you scared of?” You frowned, slightly hurt by the fact that being romantically interested in you was something Suki was afraid of. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you, and it scares me. Actually, no. I don’t think— I am in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you and it kills me to have to hide it from you. It’s been two years and this feeling inside of me hasn’t gone away and I’m not sure if I ever want it to. You make me feel like I’m invincible, but you also make me feel so, so vulnerable and it’s terrifying but then you smile at me and suddenly it all seems worth it. You make me feel a way I’ve never felt before and I really want to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can. I love you and I’m sorry but I just couldn’t hide it anymore.” Suki confessed, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulder. 

And then there was silence. 

The relief Suki had originally felt quickly turned into a sour feeling which began to consume her. Every passing second that you remained quiet felt unbearable, Suki just wished she could take back everything she said and go back to how things were before this whole mess began. You stared at her with a blank expression, giving her the impression that you didn’t feel the same way. Regret filled her mind as she began to mentally curse herself for ever saying anything in the first place. She was a fool for thinking even for a second that you would feel the same way. Now she’d ruined the friendship, exactly what she’d been fearing the most. 

You sat there in shock as you tried to process all the information that had just been given to you. It felt like you were frozen in time, unable to comprehend the fact that the girl who you’d secretly harbored feelings for was the very same girl that had just confessed her love for you. This couldn’t be real, this sort of thing only happened in the movies. For a split second, the thought that maybe this was Suki’s idea of a sick joke had crossed your mind, and while you hoped that wasn’t the case— you knew that if it was true then you wouldn’t ever get another chance to do what you’d been dying to do for years. 

So you kissed her. 

Suki took a second to respond but once she did, the kiss felt magical. It was better than anything you could’ve ever dreamed of. Your heart felt like it was ready to explode from how fast it was beating, but that was just Suki’s effect on you. The kiss was far too short for your liking but it had been Suki who had pulled away first, with swollen lips and shaky breaths. 

“Please, please just tell me if you feel the same way.” She whispered, already preparing for the worst. 

You smiled softly, “I love you too, Suki, so fucking much.” 

Suki looked at you for a brief moment, looking for any signs of dishonesty or confusion, pleased when she saw that you were being genuine with her. Throwing all caution to the wind, Suki took a leap of faith and leaned in for another kiss. She tackled you down against the sofa, her body pressing against yours as she poured all her feelings into the kiss. No more holding back. The kiss wasn’t gentle like the first one had been, no, this one was passionate and rough. Your teeth clashed against hers every so often but neither of you seemed to mind, you even found yourself tangling your fingers in her dark hair. Small little gasps escaped your lips before being swallowed into the kiss without ever reaching the surface. Your legs had wrapped themselves around Suki’s waist in an attempt to bring her body closer to yours— you craved her touch just as badly as she craved your warmth. 

Suki groaned against your lips as she felt a fire forming in the pit of her stomach, reluctantly pulling away but not before tugging your bottom lip between her teeth. She wished she could’ve continued, god she wanted you badly, but ultimately decided against it— for now at least. She pressed her forehead against yours as she struggled to catch her breath, her eyes locked on your swollen lips and she would’ve been tempted to go back in for another kiss if it weren’t for the fact that it might then lead to other activities. 

“Fuck,” Suki chuckled softly, “I fucking love you.”

“I fucking love you too.” You smiled back before pulling her in for another much more heated kiss. 

#suki imagine #suki fluff #suki x reader #atla #atla fluff #nina’s 1k event #my writings #atla imagine #alexa play I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red #gotta kiss the homies #all that gay shit