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doctorbitchcrxft · 3 days

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The Benders | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (Eventual)

Warnings: people are crazy, canon violence, canon gore

Word Count: 2370

A/N: I'm scheduling two of these today since this one's so short!! The Benders episode makes me really uncomfortable, tbh, so I kinda sped through it... lol

Series Rewrite Masterlist

You and the boys sniffed out a case in Hibbing, Minnesota. A child had watched a neighbor get dragged under his car. When you spoke to the young boy, his mother didn’t seem to believe him at all. You decided to head to a bar to collect your thoughts and grab a beer.

You and Dean played darts while Sam explained to you that his dad had earmarked this area due to the insane number of disappearances in this area. In the midst of his explanation, you realized you needed to change your tampon and hadn’t brought any into the bar with you.

“Dean, keys?” you asked.

He tossed them at you. "Why, you stealin' my car?"

“Gotta go get some girl stuff,” you responded.

“Gross. Don’t wanna know.” You knew he was kidding by the smirk on his face.

You scoffed. “It’s not gross, it’s natural! Asshole.” You shoved his shoulder playfully and headed out of the bar. On your way out, you heard a noise and stopped. You turned over your shoulder to the other cars lining the gravel parking lot, feeling uneasy. You pushed through it, deciding that it wouldn’t take you longer than two seconds to get back inside after you’d grabbed your products.

You turned at another sound, hurrying over to the Impala. You reached into the trunk and grabbed what you needed. Before you could even turn back around, you were lying on the gravel out cold.

***

The next thing you knew, you jerked up in a metal cage covered with hay at the bottom. Your hair felt a mess, and the back of your head was tender from your fall. You looked to your left and noticed the guy you’d originally come to investigate the disappearance of asleep in the cage next to you. You scrambled to your feet, trying to kick the cage door open. Nothing was working.

Stirring in the cage next to you caught your attention. “You’re alive! You okay?” you asked.

Mr. Jenkins groaned. “Does it look like I’m doin’ okay?”

You stretched your neck. “Touché. Where are we?’

“I don’t know. The country, I think. Smells like the country,” the man responded.

“You’re Alvin Jenkins, aren’t you?”

He nodded.

“I was lookin’ for you,” you told him.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“Well, no offense, but this is a piss-poor rescue.”

You kept up your plucky attitude in spite of the sinking feeling in your stomach. “Well, my friends are out there right now, too. They’re lookin’ for us. So—”

“So, they’re not gonna find us. We’re in the middle of nowhere.” He nodded at the door of the building you were in. “Waiting for them to come back and do god-knows-what to us.”

“What are they? Have you seen them?” you asked.

He looked at you confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Whatever’s got us, what’d they look like?”

“See for yourself,” he said.

At that moment, the door opened and two men wearing black hats and coats walked in. One walked over to Alvin’s cage and kicked the side of it. Alvin moved back into the corner, yelling at them not to touch him as they entered the cage. Instead of doing anything to him, they just left a plate of food on the floor and left.

“I’ll be damned,” you said more to yourself than your fellow kidnappee. “They’re just people.”

Alvin looked at you like you were stupid. “Yeah. What’d you expect?”

You paused a moment. “How often do they feed you?”

“Once a day. And they use that thing over there to open the cage.” The man pointed at a panel on a post a few feet away.

“And that’s the only time you see ‘em?”

He shrugged. “So far. But I’m waitin’.”

“Waitin’ for what?”

“Ned Beatty time.”

“That's fucking gross, dude.”

“What do you think they want, then?”

You began trying to climb the walls of your cage to grab a long metal wire stretching from the top of the pole next to you to the ground. You got hold of it and began pulling down the wire. “Depends on who they are.”

“They’re a bunch of psycho hillbilly rednecks, if you ask me. Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.”

You continued to pull on the wire, doing your best to hold yourself up, and it gradually began to detach from the pole.

***

Hours had gone by. You were still trying to pull the wire off; climbing back up and continuously slipping down the cage’s metal bars.

“Why don’t you give it up, sweetheart, there’s no way out,” Alvin told you.

“Don’t call me that!” You used your anger and frustration to finally tear the wire down. A piece of metal fell with it. “It’s a bracket.”

Alvin scoffed. “Well, thank God, a bracket. Now we’ve got ‘em, huh?”

His cage suddenly swung open on its own. He scrambled out of it. “Maybe you knocked somethin’ loose.”

Your heart rate began to pick up. “I think you should get back in there, Jenkins. This isn’t right.”

“Don’t you wanna get out of here?”

“Of course, I do. But that was too easy.” Your mind was going a million miles per minute.

“Look, I’m gonna get out of here, and I’m gonna send help, okay, don’t worry,” he assured you, turning for the door.

“I’m serious, dude! This might be a trap!”

“Bye, sweetheart.” He pushed the door open and left.

“Jenkins!” you called. “Alvin! Dude! Come back!”

Moments later, Alvin’s former cage slammed shut.

You shivered on the floor, hugging your knees to your chest in the center of the cage. You began to count the minutes going by. You counted all the way up to twenty minutes before you heard a distant scream from a voice that sounded a lot like Alvin.

Not even an hour later, another woman was dragged unconscious into another cage next to you. You watched her carefully until she woke up.

“You alright?” you asked her once she’d gotten a glimpse of her surroundings.

She turned her head to you. “Are you (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at her. “Yeah…?”

“Your friends are looking for you.”

You laughed, relieved. “Thank god. Where are they?

“I, uh, I cuffed ‘em to my car,” the woman explained.

You sighed.

Moments later, the door of the barn burst open. You couldn’t see who the figures were, but you backed up into the corner of your cage. Finally, Dean’s face came into view.

“(Y/N)?”

You scrambled to your feet and grabbed onto the bars in front of him. “Dean!”

“Are you hurt?” Sam asked, looking you over.

You shook your head.

“Damn, it’s good to see you," Dean breathed out.

You smiled at him and ignored the way your heart fluttered in your chest.

“How did you get out of the cuffs?” the woman in the other cage asked.

The older brother turned toward her. “Oh, I know a trick or two. Alright. These locks look like they’re gonna be a bitch.”

“Try that box over there,” you suggested, pointing to the control panel.

“Have you seen ‘em?”

“Yeah, dude, they’re just people.”

“And they jumped you? Must be gettin’ a little rusty there, sweetheart.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

Sam walked over to the control panel and started trying different buttons. “What do they want?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. They let Jenkins go, but that was some sort of trap. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Well, that’s the point. You know, with our usual playmates, there’s rules, there’s patterns. But with people, they’re just crazy,” Dean responded. He was still sizing up your cage, occasionally looking to the door to see if they’d been followed.

“See anything else out there?” you asked.

“Uh, he has about a dozen junked cars hidden out back. Plates from all over, so I’m thinkin’ when they take someone, they take their car, too.”

“Did you see a black Mustang out there? About ten years old?” the woman in the other cage asked.

“Yeah, actually, I did.”

She seemed sad.

“Your brother’s?” Sam asked her, looking upset when she nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s get you guys out of here, then we’ll take care of those bastards,” Dean jumped back in. “This thing takes a key. Key?”

You shook your head, and the brothers set off to find it.

“Guys?”

They turned back to you.

“Be careful.”

Dean nodded and left with Sam.

***

You abandoned your jacket and looked over to the woman in the cage next to you. “You hurt? Your face is all scratched.”

She shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

“I’m (Y/N), by the way.”

“Kathleen.”

“I’d shake your hand, but, uh—”

She laughed at your joke.

“How’d you meet the guys?” you questioned after a moment’s silence.

“They came runnin’ up into my station. The pretty boy nicked an ID off another cop and was raving about some girl he needed to find. That was kinda my first hint that he wasn’t really a cop.”

Your stomach did a somersault. “He seemed worried about me?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Huh.” A silence settled over the two of you before you spoke again. “You said you had a brother?”

Kathleen nodded. “Riley. Disappeared about ten years ago. I’ve been looking for him ever since.”

“I’m sorry,” you told her.

She didn’t answer. The two of you sat in silence again for quite some time until the door reopened. You could tell it wasn’t the two brothers, though. This man was wearing a hat and a puffer vest and inserted the key into the panel.

‘Fuck,’ you thought and grabbed at the bracket that had fallen to the ground. The door to your cage unlocked and you backed up against the far wall.

The man in the cap opened the door and aimed his gun straight at you. You threw the bracket at his gun, knocking it off-kilter, and used that opportunity to lunge at the man. You tackled him to the floor and began fighting with him for his gun. Shots rang out three times as he attempted to shoot you in the midst of the struggle.

“You son of a bitch, let go!” you screamed. You twisted your body to where your foot was on his throat and leveraged yourself that way. You pushed your foot in one direction and pulled the gun in the other, finally managing to get the gun away from him. You hit him with the but of the shotgun thrice in the head, knocking him out cold. You tried to fire the gun at him, but it didn’t work

“Fuck.”

You quickly took the key from the man on the floor and unlocked Kathleen’s cage. She helped you drag the unconscious man into the cage and relock him inside. You then smashed the control panel with the gun to disable it and keep the man locked inside.

You heard footsteps approaching the barn and ducked behind a bale of hay. You hadn’t been able to see where Kathleen had gone, and held your breath when you heard the door open.

“Lee!”

‘Oh, that was his name.’

“Where are ya? Lee!” A rough voice called again. “Damn it, Jared, get the lights!”

The barn stayed dark despite the switch you could hear being flipped.

“They must have blown the fuse,” a second male voice said.

You could hear the men running in separate directions; one clambering up the ladder and the other going in the opposite direction of your hiding place. You suddenly heard Kathleen grunting and fighting one of the men before hearing a gun cock.

“Hey!” you called, jumping up from your hiding spot. You ducked quickly when the man fighting Kathleen turned to shoot you. A voice behind you groaned in pain after you’d ducked and you ran over to Kathleen and the man she was fighting. You jumped on his back and began strangling him in the crook of your elbow. Kathleen wrestled the gun away from him while he fumbled through fighting you.

“(Y/N), drop!” Kathleen told you, and you listened just before she hit the man with the but of the shotgun. He collapsed to the ground and the two of you turned your attention to the older man on the floor behind you.

You dragged the man over to Kathleen’s cage and locked him inside. Out of breath from lugging his heavy body, you turned back to Kathleen who was aiming her gun at the older man on the ground.

“I’ll watch this one. You go ahead.”

You stared at her, motionless.

“Go ahead,” she urged you.

You sprinted out of the barn, trying to make sense of your surroundings. You found nothing but trees, dirt, and old cars. “Motherfucker.” You then heard a snapping twig coming from the woods before you.

“Hey!” you yelled. “Come out, motherfucker!”

“Whoa, whoa, (Y/N), calm down,” Dean told you, appearing with Sam from behind you.

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Dean!” You threw yourself into his arms and squeezed tightly. He hesitated for a moment, but hugged you back strongly. You reveled in the feeling of his touch before forcing yourself to break away. You turned to Sam and hugged him, thanking the boys for coming to find you.

A gunshot sounded before Kathleen emerged from the barn. “Where’s the girl?”

“Locked her in a closet,” Dean chuckled. “What about the dad?”

“Shot. Trying to escape.” She looked uncomfortable, but you took her word for it.

Later after you’d said your goodbyes to Kathleen, the three of you were walking back to the police station to get the car.

Sam walked a little in front of you and Dean.

“Never do that again,” the older brother told you.

“Do what?”

Dean muttered, “Go missin’ like that.”

“Aw, look at you.” You playfully pinched his cheek. “You were worried about me.”

“All I’m sayin’ is, you vanish like that again, I’m not lookin’ for ya,” he grumbled.

You rolled your eyes. “Sure, you won’t.”

“I’m not.”

You giggled. “So, you got sidelined by a thirteen-year-old girl, huh?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Just sayin’, gettin’ rusty there, sweetheart.”

“Shut up.”

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @iloveshawn @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @davina-clairee @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @stephshaww @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @here-for-the-extravaganza @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @rei0812 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean winchester #supernatural #spn #supernatural series rewrite #spn series rewrite

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fortunatelylori · 2 days

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A defense of Eloise Bridgerton and her friendship with Penelope Featherington

I should probably start this post by pointing out the fact that I’m not the biggest Eloise fan out there. In fact Eloise has consistently annoyed me for two seasons straight with her I’m “not like other girls” shtick and the writers using her as a prop for modern feminist talking points.

Mostly what I disliked about Eloise was the bluntness and lack of charm used to put across the themes of women’s role in recency society and the lack of options for girls not interested in playing the marriage mart mind games.

Jane Austen, for example, makes many of the same points regarding women in her novels but instead of beating us over the head with it, she uses wit, eloquence and wisdom to get her points across.

But, above all, I disliked just how self involved Eloise was, what a major chip on her shoulder she had. She’s a privileged girl from an immensely powerful and rich family that spends her days whining and being dismissive of everyone around her.

She spends most of season 1 picking fights with Daphne for no reason and the second season making fun of Colin and running around town like a chicken without a head not so much because she wants to find out who Lady Whistledown is but because she’s bored and wants something to do (something other than talking to men potentially interested in marrying her because she’s gay she’s not like other girls).

Even as I’m writing this, I’m questioning whether I’m even the right person to defend Eloise because, as you can clearly tell, I don’t much care for her. But I do think Polin and Penelope fans are really misjudging Eloise and wanting to make her the villain of season 3 due to her resentment towards Penelope and her anger at the Polin engagement.

So I guess I have to be the hero without a cape in this instance.

Here it goes …

It’s very easy to look at the friendship between Eloise and Penelope in season 1 and 2 and conclude that Eloise has always been a bad friend to Penelope. After all, almost every scene they have together is about Eloise, her interests and passions, her frustrations at the ton and the marriage mart, her inability to fit in with societal expectations, her quest to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown etc, etc. There’s almost never room for Penelope to even get a word in because Eloise talks and talks and keeps on talking.

But I’d like to put forth another interpretation and say that perhaps this dynamic in the relationship isn’t all on Eloise. That it’s Penelope herself that prefers it that way. That she’d much rather talk about Eloise and her issues than to reveal anything truly meaningful or vulnerable about herself.

A scene that supports this theory is the scene they have in season 2, episode 1:

youtube

This is about as open and vulnerable Penelope ever is with Eloise and in this scene we can observe several things:

Despite her being more open than usual, Penelope is still lying to Eloise. She talks about how she enjoys being a wallflower because she can have all the fun without the pressure that comes with being in the spotlight. In reality we know Penelope would love to be in the spotlight but is frightened of being rejected. She’s not having fun hugging the wall at all and yet she’s unable to share that with her friend.

As soon as Penelope opens up, albeit only partially, Eloise is quick to notice that, despite pretending not to enjoy the balls and the marriage mart, Penelope actually likes all of these things. This shows not only that she knows Penelope pretty well (as well as Penelope herself will allow Eloise to know her) but that, despite disagreeing on the topic, she’s supportive of Penelope and listens to her.

It’s also worth comparing the way Eloise behaves with Penelope vs. the way she behaves with Cressida in season 3.

Cressida and Eloise’s relationship is much more balanced and equal because Cressida stands up for herself, pushes back at Eloise when she needs to (like explaining why she needs to marry Lord Debling despite not being compatible) or when Eloise accuses her of telling everyone about Colin helping Penelope find a husband.

And Eloise learns to adjust. She becomes a more supportive friend, sharing her knowledge of birds so that Cressida can impress Lord Debling, making conversation with him when Cressida doesn’t know what to say and coming to her house to visit her and offer support.

My point is: Eloise is not perfect. She’s self involved and dismissive of things she isn’t personally interested in but is willing to put in the work for a friend if said friend is honest with her about what they need from their friendship.

Which leads us back to Penelope. Eloise is the most meaningful relationship in her life (Colin is as well but that’s a much more fraught relationship for Penelope because she wants to be lovers not friends) and yet she refuses to share the two most important aspects of her life with her friend: her love for Colin and her being Lady Whistledown.

Let’s leave Colin to the side for now because Eloise being his sister complicates matters as far as Penelope telling her she’s in love with him.

But why doesn’t she tell Eloise about Lady Whistledown? Particularly in season 1, when she’s just starting to write the scandal sheet. She has no idea where Lady Whistledown will even lead, if she’ll keep going etc. She’s basically doing it because she’s a writer and she wants to have fun talking about the society she knows so well.

So why not share the fun with her friend? It’s pretty clear Eloise doesn’t even know Penelope is a writer and hasn’t seen anything she ever wrote before Lady Whistledown because, otherwise, she’d know it was Penelope doing it.

Also let’s not forget that, in season 1, Eloise was Lady Whitledown’s number 1 fan. She can’t stop talking about how amazing and brilliant she is.

And yet Penelope says nothing. She’d rather grin proudly behind Eloise’s back than go: “Actually this woman you like so much … I am she. She is me.”

She again fails to do it in season 2, despite knowing that Eloise helped her in escaping the queen’s men at the end of season 1.

And then the worst part of their friendship begins as the pressure from the queen mounts and Eloise is more and more determined to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown. Penelope chooses to gaslight and manipulate Eloise for weeks.

It’s not just Eloise’s relationship with Theo and her attending political meetings that put her in harm’s way and eventually forces Lady Whistledown to write about her in order for the Queen to stop suspecting Eloise. It’s Penelope’s refusal to be honest with her friend.

Penelope is so determined to keep Eloise in the dark that even at the end of season 2, when she walks into her bedroom and sees Eloise, she still tries to gaslight her one last time.

Penelope: You’ve been reading too much Whistledown. Her voice is echoing in your head.

Penelope is stuck in a pattern of toxic behavior because that’s what she’s learned to do from her family. She cannot be honest about Lady Whistledown or anything truly meaningful, despite how hard it is for her to remain isolated and in the shadows:

Penelope: You have no idea how horrible it has felt to keep this from you! From everyone! For so long.

It’s no wonder that, in their fight scene, Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I do not even know you.

That’s because Penelope herself has made it so that the people closest to her, Eloise and Colin, don’t actually know the real her. She’s given each of them what she thought they wanted and needed (she’s very similar to Colin in that way) but not enough of the real her.

So when the Lady Whistledown revelation happens, there’s nothing for Eloise to fall back on in order to try and understand Penelope.

All of a sudden her best friend feels like a stranger. A stranger that has exposed her intimate affairs to the whole world and who tells her this:

Penelope: At least I did something. All you ever do is talk about doing something. You have all of these great ambitions, these great plans but I am the one who actually did something great and you can’t stand it, can you?

Now, because we, as the audience, are privy to Penelope’s inner world and we know just how riddled with low self-esteem she is and how she’s used to those closest to her being dismissive of her or her achievements, it’s easy for us to see that Penelope tells Eloise this in anger. Particularly after Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I look at you now and all I feel is pity for you. Sequestered here, in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town all because you are too afraid to stand up for yourself in reality. You are something else, Penelope. An insipid wallflower, indeed.

Eloise’s words hit too close to home. Too close to the reality of Penelope’s isolation and fear of being alone and abandoned so she hurts Eloise back the only way she can. By pointing to the fact that despite talking and talking endlessly about all the great things women, and she in particular, could be doing, Eloise isn’t actually doing anything.

Basically, these two manage to hurt each other worse than anyone else could because they’re best friends, because they know each other and what makes the other one tick.

But from Eloise’s perspective? In this moment, where she’s been betrayed by her best friend? Well, Penelope doesn’t feel like a friend at all. She feels like someone who got close to her only to exploit her so she could write a scandal sheet and make money off of her misery:

Eloise: This was personal.

Penelope: Eloise, I’m so sorry. I was only trying to protect you.

Eloise: Is that what you were doing? By writing about me in your latest sheet? By telling the entire world about things I trusted you with? [...] The only person you were interested in saving was yourself. All so you could keep making money at the cost to everyone else. At a cost to Miss Thompson. To my brother. To my entire family. To your entire family. [...] All because of your self serving manipulations.

Which brings us to Eloise’s reaction to the closeness between Colin and Penelope and the announcement of their engagement.

To Eloise’s credit, since their fight, she’s tried her hardest to be an adult and not punish Penelope more than she needs to. She’s very hurt by what her friend did and she can’t trust her but she also doesn’t want to hurt Pen.

She’s kept the Lady Whistledown secret and refuses to tell Colin why their friendship fell apart because she doesn’t want Penelope to lose the one friend she still has.

She also misses Penelope which is why she ends up telling Cressida about Colin helping her find a husband. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on with her friend and the only way Eloise knows how to figure stuff out is by talking … and talking … and talking … in full earshot of everyone at the ball.

But despite all of this, as far as she knows, Penelope is still the girl that divulged her secrets, ruined Marina Thompson’s reputation and hurt Colin, not only by revealing Marina’s pregnancy but by taking cheap shots at him only weeks before her brother waltzes into the Bridgerton drawing room to announce he’s engaged to Penelope Featherington.

What kind of sister would Eloise be if she wasn’t angry at Penelope for that? If she didn’t want Colin to find out the truth as soon as possible?

Personally, I think she’s showing real restraint. She cares so much about Penelope that she’s not dragging her brother into the study the moment she hears the engagement news to tell him that he’s about to marry the dreaded Lady Whistledown.

Which brings us back to my earlier point: Penelope never trusted Eloise enough to tell her she was in love with Colin. Maybe if Eloise knew that Penelope has had a crush on Colin since she was 10 years old, she might be able to understand this engagement better.

But from her viewpoint, all she’s likely to see is that Colin is an impulsive romantic who once again has gotten engaged to a girl who is lying to him and using him to avoid social ostracization.

I know that by the end of the season Eloise and Penelope will have mended their relationship and they will go back to being the besties we know they are.

But what I would love to see in part 2 of the season is Penelope actually being brave and honest with the two people that she loves most in the world. Not just about her being Lady Whistledown but about the reasons why she became Lady Whistledown. It’s only by her decision to be vulnerable and open that she can actually mend her relationship with Eloise.

Friendships aren’t just about being there for your friend, about listening and giving them what you think they need but also about allowing your friend to be there for you. To allow them to truly know you: your fears, your sadness, your hopes and dreams. That’s the only way for a friendship to thrive.

#eloise bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin #bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton s3 #Youtube

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bronx-bomber87 · 3 days

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Hello my wonderful fandom :) I CANNOT believe we are at the finale already. This season went by in the blink of an eye. I was VERY excited for this finale and what it would bring. They don't have a ton of moments. But the ones they do the writers made count. My goodness I was happy and hopeful after this episode ended. Hard to believe we won't see our babies on screen till 2025. *grumble*

D sent me something about that actually (thank you bestie) Here it be. A.H. saying he's pretty sure all networks are doing this mid season 18 ep start. One of the reasons being the Election coming up. They want to protect shows and their ratings from the debates, coverage etc. And those usually happen on Tuesday nights. Which is actually really intuitive foresight from ABC. So to protect our ratings and show I get it. Especially if we wanna lock down a S8. I don't love it but I get it. Anyways lets get to it shall we? My last "mini" thoughts of the season.

6x10 Escape Plan

Always makes me nervous for Lucy going UC but still amazing to watch her in her element. Even if it makes my stomach tie in knots. Now maybe this is just me but Lucy seemed EXTRA uneasy on this OP. This is pure speculation on my part. But could be lending a little more credence to this not being the path for her? Just the feeling I got while watching her in these moments with with the kids in this one and the sneaking around.

I will say I do love seeing Lucy with the kids. Gives us a glimpse into her as a mama. I'm liking what I am seeing. Can't help but have that thought. I really can't. Chenford has taken over my brain and I'm very ok with it. Smitty's text to Lucy did crack me up. 'Red incoming.' Gotta love Smitty. Lucy is giving me a damn heart attack being undercover though.

The panic in her soul is so evident the minute she sees Monica is approaching. The way she guides the kids out of the room. Then the sheer terror when the kids wanna take a shorter exit. She has to pivot and redirect them quickly. I feel like the pressure of this specific UC mission was getting to her. I really do. It was felt in all her movements and body language through out these scenes IMO. I could be wrong but it was just a gut feeling I got watching her.

I think her expression in this scene after Monica departs is everything. Melissa be crushing it out here. Almost like she has to take a deep breath. Calm her racing heart down before unrooting herself from that spot to investigate further. I feel like her look of unease and panic here brings home the point I've been making.

Her questioning if doing UC is worth this stress? Worth the constant worry? Like I said back in my 5x20 review. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's meant to be your destiny. i.e. Lucy being a permanent U.C. Pretty sure her cover is blown after she runs right into him but she got the info she needed. At the expense of my own anxiety and worry though ha

The look in this scene oh my lord. How can they have so much chemistry with just one look? Melissa and Eric are a damn treasure to this fandom. To this amazing ship. Tim saying 'It's good to have you.' That loaded look between them. *screams into a pillow.*

You know that man is happier now that she's folded into this OP. His eyes were on her from the moment she stepped on scene. Be more in love with her Tim please. Then sharing a look with Angela. I’m dying. Angela is us we are Angela. She is the fandom in this moment watching this exchange. *sigh* So good.

Someone please tell me how do they look so amazing just standing next to one another? It's unreal how they can exude SO much chemistry just standing next to one another. Forever floored by the amount of physical chemistry these two have without even touching. It blows my mind in the best way.

Also I always enjoy me some Tim in T.O. mode it's sexy af. It revs my engine to watch him back in leadership mode. Not gonna lie. So very confident and sure of himself. Gah makes me need to cross my legs watching him in action LOL Sorry (sorta)Feral Caitlin made a return there haha But I do love seeing it. Like he’s getting his mojo back professionally. It’s nice to see. Does my heart good to watch it.

Oh my word they haven’t really been alone to talk (not counting the hug last ep) since 6x06. I’m so happy. I was legit buzzing watching this. My heart Tim telling her he took her advice and went to therapy. Yessss been waiting for this to unfold. Was hoping when they got a moment alone he would tell her about it. Look at him taking the first opportunity they have solo to tell her this. The growth of this man is incredible to see. I'm so proud of him it's insane. He takes a beat and makes the best of their time together. Breaking the uncomfortable ice with it. *happy sigh*.

I'm so proud of him. I can't state this enough. It is NOT easy to have this convo let alone be the one to start it. Another way to see he's grown. Tim is tackling the conversation. Being the one to broach it. Not Lucy dragging it out of him. I love her telling him that's not normal what happened for him. Definitely hasn't been my experience haha I do love her following up her little joke with being serious. Wanting to encourage him to keep going. I love this. Doesn’t want him to think one bad experience will tar the entire profession.

Tim nodding with a smile asking her if she wants to know the irony of it all? Lucy of course does. Tim continues on that she was a good therapist. The sessions they helped him. Damnit Blair.... I do adore the way Lucy is looking at him while he speaks about this. That angry look she started with has softened quite a bit. Truly hope he continues in S7 and we get to hear about it. God I would love to see sessions. Some of my all time fav Beckett scenes in Castle's S4 was getting to see her sessions with her therapist. It's on my wish list. *fingers crossed.*

His continued sharing with Lucy makes my heart so happy it might implode. Letting Lucy know therapy despite Blair being dirty has been good for him. She unearthed things he wasn't even aware of. I felt the same way too after a couple weeks. I felt more regulated tbh. I had massive sleeping problems from age 15 to when I decided to go to therapy in my 30's. After a couple sessions my sleeping issue's were gone for most part. I had been carrying my problems for so long. Like a pressure cooker with no release valve. So with no outlet they followed me into my unconscious and manifested into anxiety attacks. Couple weeks of sessions and my sleep issues all but disappeared.

Therapy when you truly lean into it can do wonderful things. i.e. Tim opening up to Lucy like this. Also look how SOFT Lucy looks with him as he bares his soul to her. I would be remiss if I didn't go in depth on this. The look of pride and love splayed all over her face is everything. Also reverence and love as well. This episode has a lot of loaded looks and I ate them all up. We started this scene with her face hard and holding a lot anger still. Then Tim melts it with his genuine vulnerability and sharing of what going to get help has done for him. Not only that but giving her props for the original advice in the first place. I'm beaming with delight.

We move onto Tim is being anxious his sessions are going be heard for evidence cause of the FBI investigation. Ugh. This kicks Lucy's brain into gear about that. Asking if he said anything revealing about her? His reply had me rolling. I adore him making a joke like this. Letting her know he mentioned ‘Freak in the sheets.' about her. I’m dying. I have no doubt there is some truth to that for them both LOL Look at our boy making jokes and getting her to laugh. God it was so so nice to see her laugh again. He earns a smile out of her too. The first time he's been the cause of that since her gifted her that KIA Radio in 6x05. I'm floating. They're both smiling by end of this scene. *sigh* We needed this.

We got to see some BAMF Lucy in this moment. Something that just like Tim in confident T.O. Mode has been missing since 6x06. I love her being like take this guy my man is in trouble. Getting him dropped off and instantly taking off after Tim. Who is also trying to pull off some bad assery tbh. A little recklessly but that's why Lucy is coming after him.

She see's his play and wants to be there to back it. Literally waste's no time in pursuit of him. Peels right out of that damn laundromat after him. Tim's play going south VERY quickly when this guy catches on to him in the bed of the truck. Sends his gun flying and my heart racing.

Adore the worried wifey look as she watches from the car. It's pouring out of her in that brief shot. Well done Melissa. Just like Eric she knows how to convey so very much with just a look. Lucy knows Tim is in trouble. That she can't just sit there in pursuit of the vehicle without helping him.

Especially after she watches him get pulled into the cab. Knowing that he is currently at a tactical disadvantage. No way in hell she is leaving him to fight this guy off alone. Telling Lopez to take the wheel as she makes her way out to help him.

Lopez's face when she makes the jump is shocked and amazed. Lucy continuing her BAMF streak on this OP. I loved the surprised look on Tim's face when she first jumps on the truck. Like he can't believe she just risked her life to come help him out. He can't stay in the feeling long as she takes the guy out for them. But it needed to be noted his utter surprise she was there to have his back. Risked her life to do so. Such a bad ass battle couple. Back to back finales we get to watch them be poetry in motion in the field with a battle.

Oh my lord what an epic scene to watch. Lucy jumping onto that moving truck bed to save her man. They take him down together. Their work dynamic easily coming back into play here. They don't miss a beat in this moment. Working as harmoniously as they always have in the past together in the field. I love the looks shared once they've stopped the truck.

Especially Tim's. He is so damn impressed with her. Always finds a way to blow him away with the bad ass she's become. Man is falling in love all over again. It shows all over the two looks he gives her in this scene. First one is his falling back in love again. I mean he already was but think sunk him deeper. Second one is more of just being in awe of her. The pride he feels watching the amazing cop she's developed into. I love these two so much.

Let me start with how happy it makes my heart that Tim smiles when she walks up to him. Despite all the hurt just the sight of her elicits a smile out of him automatically. His walking sunshine. Love of his damn life. She truly is his happy place in human form. Lucy making a crack about him taking a half day. Their banter still simmering beneath the surface. It's a little subdued in this moment but it's alive and well with Tim's reply. He is ever the gentlemen letting her go first.

His elevator version of holding the door for her. That chivalry never dying with him. It's the little things. Can't ignore how Lucy is looking at this man the entire scene. From start to finish. With such reverence and love. Still so in love with this man standing in front of her. Lucy can't help it. She is a moth to a flame with him. Especially with Tim thanking her for saving his life. Let's delve into that a little shall we? Tim Bradford is saying he didn't have it. Admitting fault he would've lost that battle without her.

Saying not only did he not have it but Lucy did. That he wouldn't be standing here without her. Giving her the kudos and all the praise for saving his life. Far cry from 1x01 and his future reaction to that moment in S5. This is a different Tim we see standing before us everyone. The amount of growth in this moment is immense. Because not only did she save his life but she saved him in a deeper sense. Feels like it's truly hitting him like a freight train the impact she's had on his life. I think there is double meaning to his words above. It's what leads him into this next section below.

The loving expression on Lucy's face when she replies ' You're Welcome.' That look of I'm still in love with you, I would do anything for you despite the hurt, and her realizing the deeper meaning of Tim thanking her. The growth she is currently seeing in him is prompting this soft/warm look and even softer reply. It's what encourages Tim to say his next portion. You can see him psyching himself up before he turns around to apologize. To own what he's done to them. To her.

Tim starts his apology by telling her he knows what he’s done (thank you lord for this) That he knows he ruined everything. You sure did babe...but you’re gonna earn it all back I know it. Lucy has the most loving and forgiving nature. The biggest heart. Also we can see there is still a tinge of anger to her expression at first above. So that journey will not be an easy one for Tim. Nor should it be. He has a lot to make up for. But my god will it be worth it in the end. I truly believe that. I'm going to be crying river's when we get there.

Look at how he has grown. Immediately spilling his guts emotionally to her twice in one episode. Not once but TWICE. Hell three times really. With saying she saved him and admitting fault to what he's done. I can't get over this. He had two really hard conversations with her in this episode. Swallowing that pride of his he's trying to hard to overcome. Doing this in order to communicate better with her. To show her he's putting in the time and the effort. To let her know he knows he messed up and is owning that. Something Tim wouldn't have done before. At least not easily. These are great strides for him. I couldn't be prouder of where they are ending the season for him. Imma need more therapy though in S7 you hear me writers?

Tim thanking Lucy for extending him the kindness she has shown him. *my damn heart.* That he can never explain how much he appreciates it. That she could've easily turned on him and he would've understood. But that's not Lucy. We all know that's not who she is. Or ever will be. It's that forgiving nature of her's that is one of the many reasons Tim is so damn gone for her. I think there is once again a double meaning to his words. To me Tim is saying this is for far more than just post break up. It's for their entire relationship. Together/apart and especially when they were not 1-4. The kindness and the empathy she's aways shown him. Even at his worst.

Like I said earlier it's all hitting him hard. The place she held in his life for so long and the impact she's had on him. Imma cry. A giant epiphany moment for Tim I think. Maybe starting to slowly understand the unconditional love she has for him. This scene made me tear up. That anger that is still present melts away a little more for Lucy. If she continues to see Tim work on himself. He shows her his continued growth. No reason she wouldn't take this man back when he's put in the work to re-earn that place in her life. Tim saying he's gonna spend rest of his life repaying her back for said kindness. *screams into the void.* In whatever small doses she allows of course.

Respecting her boundaries and hoping she will allow him to do so. It's the sweetest most sincere part of his apology. The way she looks at him as he departs. *heart clutch* You can see he's stunned her into silence. But also Lucy can see the growth in him and it’s written all over her face. This is a fantastic way to end the season for them. It wouldn’t be right to get back together right now or even just a 'we almost died' hook up. (Wonderful fic's out there for that just recently BTW.) Just wouldn’t. As much as my shipper soul LONGS for them to be back together. Legit longs so much it hurts. This was a good way to end them for the season. With some hope, some growth and a path forward leading us to S7.

Some Final thoughts below. With a Chenford hug to this lovely fandom of ours.

First off I want to thank you all for doing this not so mini review journey with me. I was nervous to do them. Even after doing 9 plus months of them with 1-5. This was different. It was first impressions. Hope you all enjoyed them. I'm more than happy to do this next season too. First impression thoughts for S7 as well if you are all interested. Let's move onto some final thoughts I'm having. You know months could pass by when we get to 7x01 in their timeline. I’m hoping he’s in therapy during this duration. Ready to prove he wants to earn her trust back. To earn her back. I don't think for one second that moment in the elevator is the last deep conversation they're going to have before we get a reconciliation. Tim has her love. Always has. Always will.

Lucy's decisions and responses in 6x10 show that. No matter what she loves this man. What he needs to gain back is her trust. To prove over and over again. He's there to stay. To show her through kind acts. To rebuild his rapport with her. I’m excited for that journey cause when we get there. *phew* God the fandom is gonna implode with happiness. It’ll be well earned. Their relationship is going to be even better with the growth Tim has done. (Hoping for some more for Lucy as well and getting the support she needs/deserves)We saw massive results in this episode alone. Can you imagine how it’ll be when they’re back together? *chefs kiss* it’ll make all the hurt and pain so worth it.

Getting emotional writing about this. This ship has a stranglehold on my emotions and I’m ok with it. Eric and Melissa love our passion for this couple. So I won’t be ashamed for the affect it has on me. I’m excited for s7. It’ll be a long hiatus. But we will get through it together. I will probably wait till mid July to do my thoughts fully fleshed out for S6. Think we all need time for finale to settle. For us too as well. I'm most definitely not ready to re-dive into everything just yet. Especially 6x05/6x06. But I'm hoping couple month hiatus for me will help with tackling that. Then we can start that journey for us all to go on with my deeper analysis.

As always thank you all for the likes, comments and reblogs. For being interested in my thoughts at all. It means the world you have no idea. Love this fandom, love this show and this incredible ship we are so fortunate to have. So once again thank you all for being on this journey of S6 with me. Like said earlier I’ll get started in my fleshed out S6 reviews come mid July. :)

~~~

Side notes-Non chenford

Monica cleaned up a mess for Blair. Manipulated her by helping her most Monica thing I've ever heard. Glad to finally have answers to that. I knew it felt like manipulation. She had too much of a conscience to be dead inside and doing it for money. Sucks cause she is very good at her job. That scene with Aaron was a mic drop moment for him. So proud of how far he came this season as well.

Friggin Nolan never listens. And get shot for not listening. In the ass. Because he's a pain in one. Was apropos. Also he's right back to being a dumb putz to me. It was short lived john you made it half an episode before falling out of my good graces LOL

Once again music amazing for their final scenes whoever handled that this season crushed it. Bringing out all my emotions.

See you all later this summer for my in-depth ones. Till then be kind and rally around each other. Gonna be a long hiatus.

#Caitlin's mini reviews #chenford #6x10 Escape Plan #the rookie 6x10 #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #the rookie #s6 #eric winter #melissa o'neil #otp: doing my job #otp: unless it is

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pizzaboat · 3 days

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Eda Clawthorne and BPD

Eda is a character I never really associated with something like BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) until I’d done more research on the disorder myself. Initially, I’d had a one size fits all idea in my mind for what a manifestation of BPD could look like.

But after finishing the Owl House in its entirety, and dispelling some of my ignorance around the topic I’ve come to the headcanon that Eda has BPD.

So to start, what I understand about BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) is that it’s a personality disorder belonging to the cluster B section in the DSM-5.

It’s generally described that people living with it, might engage in risky/self harming behaviour, have an intense fear of abandonment, struggle with addiction, and have unstable/turbulent relationships with others. People with BPD also struggle with an intense feeling of internalised shame and numbness.

BPD usually manifests after some sort of prolonged mental abuse/physical abuse/sexual abuse/ psychological abuse or trauma, and that usually happens in childhood.

Well, what does any of that have to do with Eda? How does her character link in any way to what I've described? Let’s go through it;

(I’m not an expert, this is just a headcanon that I use to look at Eda)

Addiction/Substance Abuse

Eda is implied to be an alcoholic in the show. Apple blood, her infamous favourite drink, is often used as a stand-in or a direct reference to the topic of intoxication or turning to the bottle to cope with big feelings.

Proof of apple blood being an alcohol signal can be when Luz mentions in early S2, that Eda was hard to get off the roof after she drank too much apple blood, implying she became irrational and unreasonable after drinking too much.

Another example is when Eda was seen in a tavern in Eda’s Requiem, she canonically has a large and unpaid tab in that tavern, and was drinking apple blood (from a juice box) while lamenting about the current events of her life.

A scene like that is a heavy reference to the trope of getting drunk and venting to your local bartender that can be seen in a lot of movies and tv-shows.

Eda is also potentially implied to have Depression during the show and is typically grumpy/unapproachable before her first drink, early in the morning.

I’ve headcanons before that Eda uses Apple Blood to self medicate her mood after the implications in season 2 that she is drinking more heavily (the joke about the roof, her chasing free appleblood, drinking in the tavern when she’s sad), and after season1, and during all of season 2 her mental health had taken a clear nose dive after traumatic events and perceived abandonments.

I also mentioned that people with BPD struggle with a feeling of emptiness and numbness, and Eda’s low and irritable mood could be interpreted as coming from a place of feeling hollow. (That’s my headcanon).

Addiction is also considered a risky/self harming behaviour, which leads me to my next point.

Risky/Self Harming behaviours

Eda is an impulsive and risk taking person, that usually contributes to a pretty popular ADHD headcanon for her character, but I’d also like to argue that her risk taking behaviour could also be a sign of BPD, as it typically leads her to dangerous or life threatening situations, often on purpose.

A small example of this is when searching for titan blood, she pushes herself in front of a laser beam and urges King to shoot her with it to trigger her harpy powers. In that episode she was struggling to go harpy mode;

And the episode before that, Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door, she was shown depriving herself of sleep and worrying about not being ready for the day of unity. Eda had proved she was anxious to be ready and willing to hurt herself to be so, stemming from an internal feeling of frustration and worthlessness because she didn’t have what she needed to be ready.

In the cave, I think her action to jump in front of the laser, disguising her actions as a childish and silly request of bone-headedness was her hiding her self-destructive instincts and inner frustration in plain sight.

Her risky behaviours are driven by a deep self hatred and that leads me to her most risky action of all…

Fear of Abandonment

When Eda overhears the kids talking about telling her something, she spirals and assumes the worst. She spends that episode devaluing herself, trying to self-soothe with apple blood, and distancing herself from the kids in response to her assumption that they only have the worst news for her.

Luz is leaving and King wants to live with his dad.

She spends the day living out what appears to be a fantasy with Raine, where she is ‘Mama Eda’ to the younger BATTs members and she and Raine are playfully dancing around each other with some not so subtle flirting. It resembles a family life, where her and Raine are married, or atleast happily together, and the BATTs are like her very own kids that need her.

(it’s key to point out that Raine did most of the heavy flirting and was active, while Eda just bathed herself in the situation. Likely because while it was what she wanted, she’d also expressed earlier in the episode that she felt everyone left her in the end and all good things ended).

When this fanasy/substition falls through and the rebellion is busted, her and Raine play a murder-suicide duet attempt together, where Raine then learns that there’s more to the story than Eda is letting on, and that she isn’t just being motivated to do the heroic thing because she has nothing to lose.

Raine clearly realises Eda is trying to die because she has something to lose, and she assumes she is losing it. Dying to Eda is less painful and scary than being abandoned again.

I mentioned that childhood trauma/abuse can cause BPD to develop, and I’d argue that having a curse that caused the people she loved to leave her because she pushed them away, or because it seemed like her curse made her too monstrous to love, is pretty traumatising.

And that fear of abandonment predates even the curse, as it was revealed in the flashback episode where her and Raine met, that Eda had no friends, was ostracised by her teachers/principle and that she was terrified of being separate from Lilith; her only friend. Eda didn't know what an expulsion would mean for their relationship, if Lilith would still be her best friend, or if Lilith progressed onwards without her, would she abandon Eda?

Well, that worry was validated when it was revealed their sister relationship fell apart sometime between their late teens and mid-forties, when Lilith is introduced as Eda’s rival and Eda’s expression is stormy when she first sees Lilith on screen, it’s laos important to note that Lilith attacked first at the convention with her words, and Eda, having some very stormy feelings about her sister, responds to the greeting by cutting Lilith down in front of young fans in a way she knows will rile up her sister.

She basically attacks Lilith’s mask by mentioning that Lilith peed herself at a convention as a kid, and then proceeds to act childish in Lilith’s presence to wind her up and prove to Lilith that she is no better than Eda and that she’s not changed a bit since they were kids where it counts, according to Lilith.

We don’t know what caused Eda and Lilith to feud like this, but it can be assumed that LIlith joining a coven that allows only two days off a year made Eda feel like she was abandoned by her sister in some of the worst years of her life, by the person she once called her best friend.

The breakdown of such an important relationship would be upsetting to anyone, but to Eda, in the situation she was in, that would have to be further traumatising.

To add to the familial issues, Eda has issues with Gwen.

The entirety of keeping up a-fear-ances was about how gwen had failed both her daughters, but for this post, it’s that Gwen treated the curse, something so integral to Eda and her life at this point, something that Eda cannot change or separate herself from, like something her mom needed to cure her of.

To eradicate. So much so that she disregarded Eda’s bodily autonomy and safety at multiple points in just one episode and caused Eda to snap. She scared Eda into running away as a teenager, and she had to apologise to Eda in that episode for making her daughter feel like she didn’t love her. “I love every part of you.” - to paraphrase what Gwen said.

It’s not hard to imagine that feeling like your own mother would rather risk your health and happiness, disregard your wishes and try to remove an unremovable part of your person, would make you feel more unlovable and broken than you already feel.

I’m sure that this contributed to Eda’s fear of abandonment and would help cultivate the already existing internal shame she feels just for existing next to her loved ones and feeling like she’s not good enough to be in their lives because all she does is hurt them.

Yup, this is setting up my next point…

Shame/Low Sense of Self-Worth

Proof that Eda’s self-worth is low and her inner shame is high comes from how she treats her kids and her father. Eda struggles to look at people she feels she’s let down. While some individuals with BPD might do everything to avoid abandonment, Eda tends to abandon people first and devalues herself in the process, convincing herself she doesn’t deserve to fight for them or be in their company.

Her inner shame mostly stems from how she handles her curse, its impact on her life, and her past relationships. With Luz and King, she initially keeps up a protective wall and avoids physical affection. When she believes they are leaving her, she justifies her suicidal thoughts to Raine by denying her role as their "mother," revealing her deep-seated belief that she's unworthy of such a title.

Despite considering them her children, Eda questions her ability to be a suitable mother figure, expressing doubts about her worthiness. It takes reassurance from Raine for Eda to begin to accept that she is needed and, consequently, good enough.

Her relationship with Dell, though mentioned sparingly, has left lasting scars. Eda blames herself for hurting him and struggles to forgive herself, even when her father asks her to move on from the past.

In Knock Knock-Knocking on Hooty’s Door, Eda implies that she is haunted by nightmares of her breakup with Raine, blaming herself entirely for their breakup. This implied consistent rumination suggests that she feels responsible for every abandonment and rejection she has experienced, exacerbating her inner shame.

Raine was likely the last stable influence in Eda’s life, and her breakup further solidified Eda’s belief that she is the cause of her own abandonment. This cycle of self-blame and perceived rejection has left lasting mental scars, reinforcing Eda’s sense of brokenness and perpetuating her feelings of endless abandonment.

By examining Eda’s behaviour and internal struggles, it becomes evident that her shame and low sense of self-worth are deeply ingrained, shaping her relationships and interactions throughout the series.

Splitting

I can’t really talk about a BPD headcanon without mentioning its most famous feature. Splitting, from what I understand, is when a person's mood, sense of self, or perception of others shifts dramatically in the other direction in response to a threat, stressor, or trigger.

It might not just look like, “I like this person.” “Now I hate this person.” It can manifest as more dynamic, extreme black-and-white thinking, where something is either all or nothing:

“She always does this.”

“He never does that.”

“Things always go wrong.”

“This always goes right.”

The black-and-white thinking can be either positive or negative and can even be about a person's own self. And this is where my headcanon goes a bit shaky, because all I really have to go off of is Eda’s initial attitude of “We weirdos stick together,” and then how she switches those ideals up when she’s devaluing herself and her importance within the relationships she has with friends and family.

This is particularly evident with the kids and her extreme and impulsive suicide attempt, where I get this feeling of “I’m not good enough, and I will never be good enough.” off of her.

She also changes her mood with Lilith very quickly during the season 1 finale. A few minutes ago, she was ready to kill her sister and saw her as the most vile person she’d ever met. The next minute, she is letting her sister back into her house and wanting a relationship with her again after she split the curse.

There is this kind of emotional impermanence where she forgives Lilith and goes straight back to wanting to be friends with her at a speed and level that isn’t common at all. No matter what is done to Eda, she seems to bounce back quickly, no matter how badly she’s hurt in the end.

That's all I've really got for that, to be honest. If I find more that explores this idea better, I will probably make a post about it.

Conclusion

I think that turbulent relationships, a massive fear of abandonment, risky and impulsive behaviours and high shame/low self esteem are key parts of Eda’s character and that’s why I headcanon her to have BPD(borderline personality disorder.)

#the owl house #toh #eda clawthorne #toh eda #edalyn clawthorne #raine whispers #toh raine #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #toh luz #king clawthorne #gwendolyn clawthorne #toh gwen #dell clawthorne #bpd headcanon #I said I'd write it and i got around to it about 10 months later #toh headcanon

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isabellehemlock · 3 days

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Kat's Catholic Commentary - Part (I've lost track)

My focus for this episode will be on Lestat's speech in his parting letter to Louis.

The purpose behind the letter may vary depending on when it was written (before or after Lestat knew of Louis’ plan of betrayal). However, my focus is on the language used - specifically “the veil” - and why my Catholic senses were tingling.

But first - the disclaimer:

This is purely a fan meta/theory. Even when I talk about character motivations with some certainty, remember it's just my take, not a fact-based declaration. This helps keep things brief rather than saying "in my opinion" before every other sentence.

All points and takes are valid - this is just one of them. I'm exploring one potential aspect of Lestat and Louis' relationship, not the whole picture or even trying to suggest it as the main foundation.

Also, there are frank references to the Catholic Church, its history, practices, sacraments, and some Bible verses. If at any point you need to take a step back for self-care, please do. Your well-being comes first.

Before diving in, I’ll share why I see a potential for a secondary meaning behind it because I’d like to add some weight to my personal fan theory that Lestat is conscious of how faith is still an integral part of Louis’ identity and how he might use it (however the purpose of this, I’ll leave to the reader).

Several moments in the first season, and some from the books (spoilers ahead if you’d like to avoid events after IWTV), reference Lestat and Louis’ relationship and his faith (and especially with a context of Catholicism):

The entire monologue at the end of episode one as Lestat declares his feelings for Louis in front of the altar.

Lestat’s monologue of Saint Louis (both as an off hand reference in ep 1 and the expanded version of Ep 2 that ends with: “You’re challenge every sunset St. Louis, and I’d have it no other way.”)

After Louis asks about Antoinette in Ep 3, when Lestat is describing the need for various forms of pleasure for “anything that wards off the dungs of the everlasting road we walk” - pauses to point out Louis’ form of pleasure as “Pleasures of the Good Book by the fire for you.”

And then in Ep 6, when Lestat arrives to gift Louis something from his favorite bookshop: “‘The Book of Hours.’ Extremely rare, 15th century.” - the Book of Hours, is also known as the Liturgy of Hours, or Divine Office, used by both clergy, religious and laity alike for daily devotions on a rotating cycle for uniform prayer.

And from the books:

In IWTV, Louis’ reference to following Lestat as a kind of personal Jesus:

I allowed myself to forget how totally I had fallen in love with Lestat’s iridescent eyes, that I’d sold my soul for a manycolored and luminescent thing, thinking that a highly reflective surface conveyed the power to walk on water.

“What would Christ need have done to make me follow him like Matthew or Peter? Dress well, to begin with. And have a luxurious head of pampered yellow hair.

Later, in Prince Lestat, when they are reunited, Louis says (from Lestat's POV):

He leaned close to me, and he put his hand on my arm. “ ‘Wither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people’; and because I have no other god and never will, you shall be my god.”*

* This quote Louis is saying is from the Book of Ruth: She answered, "Do not be against me, as if I would abandon you and go away; for wherever you will go, I will go, and where you will stay, I also will stay with you. Your people are my people, and your God is my God.” - Ruth 1:16 CPDV

I’ve also shared metas and commentary on Tumblr and Twitter about Louis and Lestat's relationship to faith and the little nods I’ve picked up here and there (more on that below). But this isn’t intended as a comprehensive summary, just a soft recap to add context for anyone wondering, “how did she read that in this scene?”

Now, onto the main point! For anyone needing a refresher, here’s the letter in full:

In the event that you are reading this, something dreadful has occurred. Which is not my own death, but rather, the fact that we both now exist in two different worlds. Do not waste your life seeking revenge on the person or persons who did this. Do not give them the satisfaction of the hunt. Let treachery eat away at them from within. And you, you go carry on with your living. Know only this, mon cher: you are the only being I trust, and whom I love, above and beyond myself. All my love belongs to you. You are its keeper. A veil will now forever separate our union. But it is a thin veil, and I’m always on the other side, face pressed up against your longing.

Setting aside the beautiful writing, the language used, and the sentiments declared (it fed my Words of Affirmation love language meter well), my second thought upon hearing “A veil will now forever separate our union. But it is a thin veil, and I’m always on the other side, face pressed up against your longing.” was what my Catholic senses were tingling.

In a previous meta I discussed how I viewed the scene of Louis’ turning as a nod to the Sacrament of the Eucharist (though I can also see the other fan theory of the Sacrament of Matrimony). This furthers my idea of Louis viewing Lestat as a kind of personal Jesus. Given the examples above, I believe there might have been some intention behind Lestat’s words to reach Louis on a vulnerable level through his faith.

But why would former Catholic altar boy Louis catch that meaning, and what would it mean to him?

In the Catholic Church, the Eucharist is veiled in order to symbolize the mystery and sacredness of the Sacrament. The veil represents the separation between the divine and the mortal, indicating that the true essence of the Eucharist (Christ's Body and Blood) is hidden under the appearance of bread and wine (and it’s a practice that dates back to early Christianity, where the veil also served to protect the Eucharist from desecration and to enhance the reverence of the faithful during Mass).

As Catholics, we believe that Jesus, at the Last Supper, instituted the Eucharist, when He said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me” (Luke 22:19). He also said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you” (Luke 22:20). They were declarations to emphasize the sacrificial nature of the Eucharist but also to serve as a message of hope - that there would be an intimate connection between Jesus and His followers, despite His physical absence after His death and resurrection - “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

Though death might separate the physical presence, the Eucharist provides a continuous, though veiled, connection with Christ. This then allows the veil to symbolize hope and assurance that, while there may be a separation, it is thin, with the promise of a deeper, spiritual communion that transcends physical boundaries.

So, if Louis potentially viewed the Dark Gift as a kind of Eucharist that nourishes the soul, given to him through Lestat, then their spiritual interconnection and the nourishment it provided could continue. His devotion to Lestat would not need to end.

I believe Lestat “I went to a monastery to become a priest” de Lioncourt, knew exactly what he was doing when he used those words to describe how interlinked they would remain.

This furthered Louis’ (perhaps even subconscious) view of Lestat and Jesus - and himself as potentially Judas (meta here, and here), though I personally enjoy the view of Louis identifying with Mother Mary the most (visual reference and poem, art and another art piece here).

Whether intentional or not, or perhaps a completely different point that I read too much into (which can definitely be the case lol), it spoke to me on a deep level when I heard it. I’d like to believe it did for Louis as well.

#iwtv meta #my iwtv meta #kats catholic commentary #loustat #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #ldpdl #the vampire Lestat #iwtv #iwtv amc #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire #iwtv spoilers #cw religion #religion cw

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teacups-and-saucers · 2 days

Text

Happy 10th anniversary to Mizumono!

To celebrate, I thought of analyzing Digestivo against Mizumono, and making both episodes hurt more for myself.

Let's go!

Since this is might be a bit long, I thought of making a separate post for my analyses of parallels in the realm of events, chronology, and characters present. For now, I'll be picking apart the scenes that broke my heart the most in both episodes. I'll call them The Bloodfest Scenes, after the soundtrack that plays during both scenes.

But before I draw attention to the dialogue, I want to draw attention to the positions of the characters.

For both Bloodfest Scenes, Hannibal and Will's positions are reversed compared to their therapy scenes. In their therapy scenes, almost always Hannibal is on the left and Will is on the right. This is the case in S1, in S2, and even in S3, in Will's fantasy of sitting in therapy chairs in the garden of Castle Lecter.

However, in both Bloodfest Scenes, this is reversed. Will is on the left, and Hannibal is on the right. Of many possible interpretations, one is this: these are no longer just conversations. Back in Hannibal's office, they "only had conversations". In the Bloodfest Scenes their conversations take on a different tone—a different kind of honesty, vulnerability, and pain we rarely see bared between them.

The difference between Mizumono and Digestivo is the height.

In Mizumono, Will ends up slumped against the kitchen cabinet, on the kitchen floor; Hannibal stands, looking down at him. In Digestivo, Will sits up in bed; Hannibal sits in a chair at the foot of Will's bed. In Mizumono, there is a very obvious difference in the height that they each find themselves; in Digestivo, they are at a nearly equal height. In Mizumono, Hannibal is a greater height than Will; in Digestivo, Will is only slightly elevated compared to Hannibal.

And what of it? Well, it could be showing power.

In Mizumono, Hannibal was the one in power. He was the one who killed Abigail, he was the one who stabbed Will, he was the one who chose to leave. In Digestivo (as we'll see more in the dialogue), Will is the one who faces Hannibal with the figurative knife of reality, and he is the one who asks Hannibal to leave.

The more equal height which they were on in Digestivo suggests, however, that in between Mizumono and Digestivo, they had met halfway. Which they did—as we see in the events between the Uffizi Gallery and Will waking up at his home in Wolf's Trap.

Now. Onto the main event: the dialogue.

Let's take it line by line.

In Mizumono:

In the Digestivo script:

One thing doesn't change: Hannibal prefers to choose Will. In his ideal world, Will is beside him. Even if, as we see, Hannibal chooses to hurt Will and leave him by the end of Mizumono, that does not change his ideal that holds true through Digestivo (and to The Wrath of the Lamb)—Hannibal wants to be with Will.

In Mizumono:

[Hannibal] Time did reverse. The teacup that I shattered dared to come together.

and

[Hannibal] Fate and circumstance has returned us to this moment, when the teacup shatters.

In Mizumono, Hannibal plays 'time reversal' like poetry: he sets the stage, he picks the tropes. In Digestivo, it is a wish. From playing God, he all but prays to God—for things to be reversed, to go back, for the teacup to come together again.

But as Will says in Digestivo:

[Will] The teacup is broken. It'll never gather itself back together again.

Time can no longer be reversed.

Then Hannibal says,

[Hannibal] Not even in your mind?

And what that sounds like to me is a plea. If the universe—if God—won't gather the teacup back together again, then he pleads with Will. If G dash D can't answer him, then maybe Hannibal's own God would answer him. But all Hannibal gets from Will is silence; his God's answer does not deviate from the answer of the God of the Universe—from reality.

It is a stark contrast to Hannibal's line to Will in Mizumono:

[Hannibal] You can make it all go away. Put your head back. Close your eyes. Wade into the quiet of the stream.

where, though mockingly, Hannibal coaxes Will to forget about the pain he'd just inflicted by going into his own mind palace and escaping from reality. Meanwhile, in Digestivo, Will coaxes reality onto Hannibal.

In Mizumono:

[Hannibal] A place has been made once more in the world for Abigail. A place was made for all of us. Together.

In Digestivo:

I found this parallel interesting actually. In Mizumono, we have Hannibal, Will, and Abigail. In Digestivo, we have Hannibal, Will, and the absence of Will's many dogs. And what seems to happen here is there is a space—for ghosts. For those that are not there. And there is no more Abigail. Just like there are no dogs in the scene. The space that was made is a space left only for ghosts, and if Will does not want to be ghost, he cannot live in those spaces. He lived in those spaces when he went to look for Hannibal—when he went to the Norman Chapel, to Castle Lecter, to Florence. But there are only ghosts there. Hannibal's actions in Mizumono saw to that.

In Mizumono, Hannibal says,

[Hannibal] You would deny me my life... My freedom then. You'd take that from me. Confine me to a prison cell."

And what does he do in Digestivo? He surrenders to the FBI. And we find out from the Digestivo script that Hannibal had a choice: leave Muskrat Farm and be done with it, or rescue Will. He rescued Will. He chose the path that would lead to his inevitable surrender, all because Will is on that path, and on the other, Will is not.

Added to all of that, there are these lines from Digestivo as well:

[Will] I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to find you. I'm not going to look for you. I don't want to know where you are or what you do. I don't want to think about you anymore.

[Hannibal] You delight in wickedness and then berate yourself for the delight.

[Will] You delight. I tolerate.

Which sounds very much like the Hannibal version of 'I don't love you.' 'You let yourself love me then say that you don't.' 'You love me. I was just amusing you.' Which pretty much make it solid that between Mizumono and Digestivo, the power did shift—from Hannibal to Will. From Hannibal breaking Will's heart in the most savage, brutal, and dramatic way possible, we get Will breaking Hannibal's heart in the most quiet, honest, real, and painful way possible.

Anyway, excuse me as I play Bloodfest on repeat to cope with all this.

#nbc hannibal #hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #murder husbands #digestivo #mizumono #happy 10th anniversary mizumono #episode analysis #hannibal “not even in your mind” lecter #hannibal x will

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papakhan · 3 days

Text

Episode 1

Fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway. Here's all the notes I took when watching episode 1 of the godawful fallout tv show. enjoy. I'm gonna run through this with notes I made while I watched the show so formatting might be kinda weird, I haven't done anything like this before so bare with me. I will try to explain things as if you the reader have not seen the show. This is gonna be very long and heavy on the hate and the spoilers.

Content warnings:

rape

incest

gif of the fight scene violence

self harming

Things I liked:

Vault Dwellers reusing the same wedding dress and everyone who'd worn it writing their names on the inside. that's sweet

"don't lose your head" vault poster during a firefight

Johnny Cash

I like Brotherhood Clerics but they totally fucked up the ranking system

The vault dwellers just painting over the blood on the walls

Horses are canon now

Goofy wasteland urban legends like "a feral ghoul does not abide a chicken"

That's literally it. Now it's time for everything else. I'll break it down into character bits since that's what the show does

Cooper

So Cooper Cowboy ghoul man is divorced and he's at this birthday party in I'm guessing Hollywood overlooking LA. It's a beautiful sunny day :) Bare in mind that in this scene the nukes drop so Bethesda has already fucked their own lore of the nukes dropping at 9:40am in Boston would mean that it should be 6:40am in California. Sunrise in California in October is 7am, btw. So already we're fucked. Real "design documents are a waste of time" behaviour on display here.

Anyway, nuke goes off. Now let me ask you something. What's one of the most infamous things about nuclear bombs? The flash, right? A nuclear explosion is bright enough to blind a person. Fallout 4 understood this, at least a little, where the flash of light from the bomb would fill your screen even if you weren't facing it, which is how nukes work. Closing your eyes in the face of a nuke would be pointless because the light would pass through your eyelids. There's even reports of people who held up their hands to shield the light and could see THEIR BONES THROUGH THEIR HANDS. That's how bright they are. They are horrifying weapons of mass destruction.

The nuke that hits LA is not a nuke, the flash of light on Janey's face (cooper's kid and the ONE SINGLE PERSON who notices a NUCLEAR FUCKING BOMB) is more akin to a camera flash. again. she is the only fucking person who notices a nuclear bomb go off, everyone else at the party is distracted by a TV of all things.

In the time between the ""flash"" of the bomb here's everything that happens before Cooper and co feel the shockwave

Janey notices the pathetic flash and looks up.

She holds up her thumb in the "vault boy" way

Cooper comes out of the house and walks over to Janey

He crouches down beside her and says some bullshit along the lines of "i got some cake for my favourite cowgirl"

Janey says "was it your thumb or my thumb?"

Cooper looks towards the source of the nuke and slowly stands up, watching it for a moment

He says "that's just a fire janey" as the smoke unfurls into a very obvious mushroom cloud

He realises that it was not. just a fire

then they get hit by a shockwave

This takes almost a full minute and none of the segments is supposed to be slow motion. Listen I know that light moves faster than sound and heat but come on. It's way too slow and also. dead fucking silent. also the shockwave comes before the mushroom cloud but who cares.

Anyway cooper gets on a horse with the girl and rides off down the road in the direction of LA. good job dude.

I've already read up about yknow who it was who wanted the nukes fired and I know that it was Barb who wanted the nukes dropped on America for?? vault tec profit??? so uh. why did she let Janey go to a birthday party with Cooper?

Lucy

x3 Incest jokes may not seem like a lot but it was 3 too many for me. I hate the "good karma" noise that played when Lucy got arranged married. I said I liked the vault poster of "don't lose your head" but I hate the way Lucy keeps getting her inspiration from Vault Boy I'm sorry but its annoying and dumb to me. Interconnected vaults in LA is also. dumb. you're telling me The Master didn't notice these fucking things? you're kidding. Look at it, it's not even hidden in a cave or anything its just out in the open.

Way to retroactively make the Master look like a moron, though I know they do this to Mr House later on. ugh.

Her intro makes it sound like she's supposed to have Tagged Skills in repair, speech and science but she displays none of this in the later episodes I have seen, in fact her speech seems like utter dogshit so what was the point in introducing her in a "game protag" way if none of that was gonna get used later?

Anyway, lets get onto the raiders. If you know me, you know I love raiders. They're a cool and interesting critique of individualism and "might makes right" and also aesthetically just kind of fuck.

Now, knowing what I know about Moldaver and her being the current ?leader of the NCR remnants, that implies that the people she has led into Vault 33 are former NCR citizens or soldiers, right? right?

So the ""fall of shady sands"" according to the show is 2277 and yeah sure okay that's during new vegas' time and sure okay right todd howard promised that this didn't de-canonise fallout new vegas. however. it's 2296 meaning it's been 19 years since Shady Sand's.......decline. and 15 years since New Vegas where we last saw the NCR. And i know that the NCR aren't exactly the good guys To suggest that in less than 20 years the citizens of shady sands have been reduced to Bethesda-style raiders who:

Are unable to use utensils such as knives and forks

Can't grow crops

Don't know how to use cups

Will rape a woman, wipe his dick on a curtain, and then try to murder said woman

Shoveling fistfuls of cake into their mouth during a firefight

Threatening a pregnant woman

In another episode one of these guys is interrogated/interviews and shows their asshole to the guy talking to him.

is fucking ludicrous

Anyway Monty looks like Jerma

RIP

Anywayyyy how come only Lucy's pipboy picked up on the radiation from these outsiders huh? everyone else was wearing a pipboy during the wedding, they sat next to each other, those geigar counters would have been going off. what? they had them on silent out of respect of a good Christian wedding? if you try to convince me that's the explanation I will eat your liver. Bethesda raider style

anyway no.2 girlypop (lucy) straight up pulls a knife out of her wound which is medical petpeeve no.9394328 for me but then its immediately resolved by a stimpak. I hate how stimpaks in the show are used exactly how they are in the game. I was under the impression that it was a video game mechanic and not how it actually worked in the narrative. What's next? Jet gives me extra action points or some shit? I'm so tired

the fight scene sucked. the choreography of the raider guy shooting a vault dweller through the head of another vault dweller just kind of looked like shit and seemed impractical, clearly just there to be like WOAH THATS COOL it wasn't cool it looked clunky and weird. do not fucking tell me that fallout is supposed to be clunky and weird I will kill you.

the doors cutting the raider in half was also dumb since its been routinely established that the dull and ominous "thunk. thunk. thunk" heard deep in the bowels of a vault is a door that's trying to close but there's something stuck under it, if they could just slice a whole man in half then they could cut through a table or skeleton in game. Also irl I'm a health and safety officer and that moment made my toes curl. lol

It jumps from Lucy to Max and then back to lucy but I'm just gonna continue talking about her shit here. quick fire round because I've been yapping too long already

Her little brother looks way too old to be acting like a teenager this much.

Chet (Lucy's cousin and ex boyfriend. gross) wants to come with her thank god he doesn't

why doesn't she give a shit about the sky

Why doesn't she give a shit about the ocean

Maximus

"stupid blimp is back" is at the very top of my notes, lol. anyway I still don't understand where they got this thing from

Latrines made out of stacks of tires is so dumb. like I cant even explain how dumb that is. surely rubber has better use for that. surely. just shit in a hole in the ground like everyone else please for the love of god

I know the twist with Daine and let it be said, having your first on screen transgender character cut themselves with razors to get out of the military is not, in fact, Bethesda trying to be on the side of transgender people, it is in fact them making fun of us, okay? do we understand?

hiding baby max is a fridge made me so angry I blacked out. do not remind me of "kid in a fridge" ever again.

Anyway Bethesda finds it so difficult to keep the BOS consistent to the point that they are all so different from each other with little to no explanation as to why they've changed so much. In fact it feels like to me that at some point between fallout 3 and fallout 4 Bethesda has totally mixed up the BOS and the Enclave, since now the BOS hate ghouls for no reason and want to colonise the wasteland. This is just that again. Once more, no design doc behaviour.

Quotes from the BOS i think suck ass

"Duty of the Brotherhood of Steel is to secure the wasteland"

"Flesh is weak by steel endures"

"Violence is a tool we use it to bring order to the wasteland"

When Max is getting interrogated for being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors, mentions "send me to Eden or wherever" and it confused me so much. The only Eden I knew about was John Henry Eden from Fallout 3. Turns out I think what they're trying to reference is New Eden a BOS base from. Fallout Brotherhood of Steel 2?? of all fucking things?? really strange I can't imagine what else he could possibly be referencing though. This is literally just thrown in for the loreheads and I hate it.

Anyway after being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors and also failing his classes Max gets a promotion! this is not explained. They also brand him which people a lot smarter than me have discussed at length about why branding a black guy on screen in your fallout show is a bad idea. Read it here.

I don't really understand why the BOS all do shit in latin now, I know some of them had latin names in fo1 but IIRC Frank Horrigan of the Enclave was the only person in the og games who spoke latin. it feels like Bethesda wanting to capture the interest of people who liked the Legion. maybe that's a reach but given how much right wing propaganda is in the coming episodes I wouldn't put it past them.

Cooper again

I am not calling this idiot The Ghoul that's fucking dumb. what like he's the only one? ever? dumb. whats up with him being buried huh? did Todd not want to tell Nolan that ghouls arent actually zombies and arent actually undead? that just wanted him to jump out a coffin because oooh spooky zombie. honestly just kill me.

My notes: "Don't tell me the ghoul is in that grave I can't take it"

this guy gets dug up once a year and gets pieces of him cut off and put back?? why? for what purpose? how is he down there without eating or drinking? is it a kid in a fridge moment where ghouls don't need to eat or drink, well he drinks a whole lot of water in episode 3 so that's afucking lie. get real. the glowing IV? what is that??

the yodelling is really gonna piss me off, isn't it.

Not him ending the episode on the same quote he said to his daughter. whatever.

Rating: 3/10

#txt #ask to tag #i wont dare to tag this the show fans will have me crucified #took a break from drawing for this shit. hell on earth #i should probably make a tag for this #long post

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glassrowboat · 15 hours

Note

🎲 i wish for a good kiss Prompt

30. Kiss to the palm of the hand

Let Me Help. Baizhu.

Word count: 1,700+

Can you tell I love him and hate him at the same time? Fucking bitch-

His hand was shaking. Trembling under the effort to keep his arm up in the air, like it was the greatest war of the century, he was fighting. Would people shout, fill the air with their screams as blades, unlike the one he was holding, clashed?

“I can help,” you offered, hand outstretched to take the razor away from his grip. To free him of the blade you have been questioning since the moment he picked it up.

A part of you was expecting it to slip out of his grasp, to fall to the floor with a clatter, but it still came to no surprise Baizhu tried to hold it as tight as he could. Or, rather, as tight as he could right now.

“I am fine, my petal.” Baizhu insisted.

“Truly?”

For a moment, Baizhu didn't say anything in response, lips pressed together in a thin line as he no doubt mulled over what words he'd pick out this time.

If he would say any at all.

Most likely because he didn't want to, not when all that would come out of him was another lie. Fibs, he liked to call them, like that made it any better. A habit of his that had started far too many fights whispered under both your breaths in an attempt to make sure Qiqi stayed asleep as heated words passed in the middle of the night. Her head nestled into a pillow, completely unaware of you pleading for Baizhu to stop lying to you. To himself.

He opened his mouth again, mouth agape as he decided on the words: “I can manage this.”

In the end, he was still lying to himself.

“Fine.” You said, taking a step back to allow him some room to breathe. It wasn't far, but the thought of leaving him like this just because you were upset was imprudent. And far too cold.

Baizhu went back to what he was trying to do before. Razor in hand as he stared at the mirror, reflecting back the stubble dotting his chin and current sickened state. One you knew he hated to see.

To let you see.

It had been a big deal- still is, actually- when Baizhu first let you into the backroom during one of his episodes. Not even Qiqi was allowed to see him in this state for more than a few seconds as she brought him trays of tea and occasionally lotus shoot soup. His eyes would be hollow behind those golden glasses, sweat covering his skinny form as he shook in place, lips tinted in a red that you knew was anything but lipstick as he tried to manage a smile for you.

At the time, you wanted to hiss at him to stop with the act, but you knew better. The act was, sometimes, the one thing keeping him together.

So you kept your mouth shut that first time you saw him coughing up blood into the bucket he kept by the bed. Bit your lip until you were sure it was raw as you watched. You could do nothing but be there for him. Hand running along his back, pulling Baizhu's hair out of the way, helping him drink the tea so there was the taste of something pleasant on his tongue as you whispered about how would make it through this.

Sometimes, you thought you were a liar yourself when those words were spilled.

“It's rare for you to see me unshaven, isn't it?”

For you could never know when Baizhu had fully reached his limit until it was too late.

“It is.” You agreed. Voice short and curt even as you told him you can help.

Tentatively, he lowered the razor. Having looked up at you for a moment before shaking his head. “You still knick your own legs, my dear.”

“That hasn't happened in like a month.”

With a huff, you looked back over at the sleeping snake, all curled up in a coil of her own making as she tried to recover from the long night. Unlike you, she didn't have the luxury of getting to pass out as Baizhu coughed and wheezed. Even then, he still tried to run his hand through your hair, easing you as Changsheng kept him stable the entire night long.

A hypocrite you wanted to call him. Just like how you want to tear that contract of his to shreds. To toss it out into the rocks right outside the pharmacy like the world's worst confetti every time he uses a power that would have him stuck inside paying the price.

He was far too generous. With his time, with his effort, with his very own life, for Baizhu was a man who would tear off pieces of himself and give them out with a kindly smile.

Philanthropic to a fault, but that was part of the reason you fell in love with him in the first place.

That day, the patient had walked away with a pep in their step, and Baizhu had fallen into bed.

Just as it always went.

Cut from your own thoughts with a startle and a small gasp you looked down to find Baizhu had reached out to you. Holding onto your ring finger to trace over the jade wrapped around it, a snake motif etched into the stone that was currently hidden behind his thumb as it traced over the pattern. “Petal?”

“Yeah, wifey?”

You couldn't help the grin that came from you as he laughed. His joy always proved infectious even if it was cut off by a loud and sudden cough.

Whispers of apologies came from you as you fetched him a glass of water. Raising it to his lips and you helped Baizhu drink down what he could even as shaving cream got on the rim of the cup. It matters little, anyway. Having to spare some time to clean it up was nothing compared to what he went through for others.

“Sorry, Bai, I know better than to make jokes when you're like this.”

“It's quite alright.”

“No, it's-”

“But my petal, ‘wifey?’” He hummed. Even when his voice was hoarse and broken from every wretch, it truly had such a melodic nature to it. “We're not even married yet, and you're already calling me such a lovely name?”

“Please, it suits you.”

“And shall I call you husband?”

“Well…” Just the image of Baizhu coming up behind you in the pharmacy as he works, trying to maneuver around behind you with a jar full of dried herbs in hand and a kiss being pressed to your forehead as he says ‘excuse me, husband’ certainly did something to you. Even if that something was just amuse you. Surely, those on the older side lingering around would raise a brow at the sight.

“Just drink your water.”

Leaning against the counter, the corner of the material pressing into your rear, you looked back down at the floor. Staring down the scuffs in the polished wood. Something so beautiful that has been torn apart, shaped into what was demanded of it. The wood didn't have a choice, but he did.

Baizhu always did.

“Did anyone drop off any shoutao bao this morning? Last week, there was some in the usual stock of gifts left right outside, and I must admit to craving-”

Just like he was choosing to distract you. To make it easier for you to stand here with him.

“You can't eat like this. We both know that.” You huffed, only to regret it a second later. A sigh “Look. Just…Cmon Bai.”

Baizhu pulled the razor away from his face. Only one line had been dragged across his chin, and it had taken the time of this entire conversation for him to gather enough strength to do so without risking cutting his skin. The silver shining in the low light of the lanterns. “You are just as stubborn as I am.”

“What's that Liyuan saying again?” You asked, mainly to yourself even if it caused Baizhu to glance over at you. “Dead ducks and something something.”

“‘Dead ducks’ is the full term. Though, to so readily imply I am beyond help isn't very nice.”

“Then prove me wrong.”

Grabbing his hand, you pulled the razor away, letting it rest on the counter for now. One can't plead their case if they feel they need to watch for any mishaps or slip ups. Now, can they?

“If I even knick you in the slightest, you can bring this very moment up to me and be like: ‘my oh so precious darling fiance, do you not recall what happened last time?”’

“Your accent is coming along, my petal. Give it a bit more time, and you might even sound like you truly do hail from Chenyu Vale.”

“I need it for every time I mock you.” You said with a scoff.

Raising Baizhu's hand to your lips you press a kiss to the center of his palm. To his fingers. To the spot right over his pulse. All while Baizhu watches, lips quirked up every time your lips met his skin. ‘I love you’ is repeated between each gentle kiss. Trying to give him all you could in this quiet hour that only you shared before he turned around and passed his own life out like candy. Again.

“You would normally call this guilt tripping or bribing if I pulled the same thing.” Baizhu pointed out.

“That's,” another kiss, “because when it comes from you, it is.”

There was silence for a moment, just your breathing his short gasps for air, but it was interrupted all too shortly as you could hear the sound of the razor against the counter again as its picked up. Sliding over that smooth surface for only a moment. You were about to take it back, snatch it, and hold it out of arm's reach, but he was already speaking before you could interject.

“Then this once, my dear. However-”

“If I do knick you, you'll hold it over my head for months?”

There was that grin again, teeth poking out from his chapped lips. You'd have to urge him into drinking more water soon enough. The little he got down clearly wouldn't suffice, but for now, all you could do was hold the blade to his skin.

Trust was such a hard thing for you two, having to work around lies and wishful thinking on both your ends. It was something to work on. Built day by day like a house being slowly erected. Walls being raised to stand tall, windows to be put in, insulation, a roof. But first, you have to start from the ground up, and you swiped the razor along his skin for the first time.

“So, wifey?”

“Baizhu, I swear to Morax, you better shut up and let me work.”

#hoyoverse #genshin impact #genshin x reader #x reader #genshin impact x reader #gn reader #baizhu x reader #baizhu x you #baizhu x y/n #baizhu #banner by cafekitsune

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laylawatermelon · 1 day

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Y'all i just cracked the davinci code and idk if you're gonna like it.

As a Buddie fan devastated obviously, as a 9-1-1 fan devastated obviously and as a writer absolutely blown away by the finessing they just graced us with.

They literally found a way to make Eddie straight and by God they've done it successfully.

Lemme explain.

I was locked in when he was having the speech with Shannon and didn't get to deep in the emotions (heinous ik but I wanted to hear what he was feeling).

I did get some water wobbles in my chest but that's neither here nor there. I did scream horrifically at the cliffhanger of the show.

Guess the nun did scare the life out of her (and me!) after all! Heeh should've seen that coming honestly but I didn't think they'd go there.

So there's two things I think is gonna happen, one Eddie's gonna go on more straight woman dates (yay 😮‍💨) and Chris is leaving.

Now the second one I'll address first and don't bash me if it's not trueee.

I'll get the Chris one over with. First Gavin, Chris' actor, family moved. Since he's become a main he's had little to no screentime in the show.

What I think has happened in real life it's that Gavin will step away from the show. They have him main to show his importance in the cast and storyline (i can also guess pay raise but I'm not saying that's unreasonable really) before his send off.

Realistically he's a disabled person, a child/minor at that, who i assume has a lot of equipment and things he has to travel with. I can imagine it's not that easy to consistently travel across states with equipment, doctor's appointments, schoolwork etc.

So this is probably his last season for a while.

The birthday party (which can also double as a send off or until next time message) and the promotion/upgrade in role despite not being written as such or having storyline outside of the adults.

(off topic but I'd love a mini 118 hijinks b story with all the kids or a low stakes disaster where they all team up until the 118 get there)

He's been hypocritical to him about cheating and even tarnished his mom's legacy by bringing a fake version of her in his house.

The reason i can say the story can effectively write him off for the first half of next season is that Chris will go with his other family because he feels betrayed by his dad.

He doesn't feel safe anymore (😞😭 I'm making myself sad) so he opts to leave until his dad gets better.

The hospital scene is Eddie realizing what his kid needs isn't a new mom but to trust in his parents and that's now shattered (ooh this starting to feel personal be gone trauma!).

So he'll throw a tantrum (a rightfully deserved one that's my boy😤) and say in anger he doesn't want to be with his dad.

Buck will obviously be there cause yeah Eddie (delusional hubby) clearly needs help in his hour of need and so does Chris.

Eddie will do self isolation. Buck will be there for him (Tommy probably staying too but I'm neutral for this post) but with everything Eddie going through he's gonna be wrecked.

And because Eddie's a (good? Eh so so right now) dad he'll let Chris decide when he wants to return.

Hence the heartbreak.

Boom it solves the Gavin problem where he can probably stay during the summer so maybe mid season 8 or limited role like how they did this season and his family can focus on him/life.

Now the Straight Eddie!

By God he's done it!

You've pulled a real good one. Tim I salute you truly.

Idk how you made a straight man out of him but by his you've done it!

(so did you Ryan I'm watching you!)

Since buddie isn't on the table this season the platonic hasn't been more platonic-er since season 7 episode 1.

The way he did it was so easy and smooth I'm in awe.

This is how he kept and can probably enforce straight Eddie.

This is also how he can not enforce straight Eddie (haha got you).

The line you were the love of my life but I'm living it without you now stuck out to me.

That means he's going to find himself and what he really likes without a partner. Therapy, hobbies all that good ish. Maybe a few dates but def church.

Here's why.

Church has been something he drift away and let's be honest American tv and society is still founded in Christianity and all of its adjacent branches.

You must have God somewhere in there for the older audience to tune in/connect with of it's getting a lil secular (aka the bundle of lgbt characters. They're probably saying at least one of em knows God😮‍💨😮‍💨) /hj

The book of prayers symbolizes him going back to God to find answers about himself.

Anyways for the straight Eddie he can get closer to himself better in his faith and get a nice Christian girl who he matches with and (maybe) even has a kid/ similar background.

Since he's been to therapy and he's let go of the love of his life he's now free to find love in someone else. A new woman. (And truly this time)

(or a man, or they/them)

Yes my queer Eddie agenda rises!

Go FORTH!

BE ONE WITH THE SKITTLES SQUAD!

But seriously though the other way it can go is that he's discovering stuff about himself away from romance. He becomes more comfortable with religion but when confusing feelings (attraction to the same gender anyone for $10?) arise then he'll maybe start to fight his Catholic guilt about it since he's gotten closer to it.

Then he'll have to ask for for forgiveness but not permission for the live he wants to live.

(with buck in a house on the waves! Let me be delusional! I've kept it under wraps this long!)

But anyways they've truly dodged the lgbt fruity storyline.

They've also shown us that yes, Buddie was NOT platonic because I've never felt more friends energy in my life this season.

And what the AuDHD brain says is canon/not canon I vibe accordingly.

The vibes were low. Like a suspiciously low.

Dare I say subtextually low.

That's not happened in the history of buddie this is a code red!

CODE RED!

Okay I'm done btw hate me or whatever! /big J

#911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family #911 fox #911thursdaytakeover #911 meta #911 speculation #buddie #oliver stark #ryan guzman #long post #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #911 season 8 speculation

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sageourplanetmeow · 1 day

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I have ideas about what owl house S3 filler episodes would be like, because yes, we were robbed and yes I am repeating it even though it’s been said by everyone else already.

A fashion episode. Since ROTMNT had a whole episode with the turtles dressing up, why don’t the TOH cast do that since we saw a clip of that. Considering that Hunter is notoriously bad with fashion and @moringmark made a comic with Amity being horrified by Hunter’s fashion tastes which makes sense for her, I think they would have a good opportunity to build their character dynamics. I think it would also have them going to the hair salon with their hair cuts and getting their hair done, and they would have had to go to a random Halloween store in town to find fake human ears to stick them on. Of course them falling off would be a lingering threat. Of course Vee was just browsing the whole time so she has inspiration for what she was going to shape-shift into.

Movie night. They would watch a variety of things such as the Azura movies, since Lux and Amity love them, and Cosmic Frontier. Then I have a feeling that Willow would be all over nature documentaries, in particular ones centred around plants. In an episode before the episode where Luz returned to the human realm but in mirrors and phones, Vee was sitting with Camilla watching a documentary so maybe she also like nature documentaries, although she prefers the animal aspect, therefore getting to bond with Willow a bit. Camilla cries a bit from the nature documentaries and feels sentimental over the Azura movies cus Amity and Luz seem to be enjoying it so much and it reminds her a bit of Luz’s dad. She also withholds the urge to spill a bunch of facts about Cosmic Frontier and just reminisces about it.

One or two school episodes to focus on Luz. Aka her bullies if she has them, I mean she’s a neurodivergent bisexual kid who’s obsessed with witchcraft and draws weird stuff (glyphs and stuff from the demon realm) and also reads he Azura books and makes fan fictions, it’s an unfortunate reality. (Plus she does taxidermy). So we see her relationships with the students and the teachers and maybe her having to struggle to pretend like she knows what stuff Vee did with Masha when Vee was pretending to be her. Hence Masha starting to be a bit suspicious considering that Vee seems to bond with her quickly and feels familiar to her. Another thing, if Luz ever gets sick (which will be talked about later) Vee will shapeshift into Luz so she can get a little bit of education and so that she can bring Luz some of her work and all so she can spend time with Masha, plus she volunteers to because she likes school.

An arcade episode. Hunter and Gus go to some space one since it reminds them of Cosmic Frontier and Camilla lingers around them cus again she’s a secret nerd. Luz and Amity go to a magic combat game where you can customise your character, hence Luz spends a long time on hers and Amity helps her decide. Willow ends up acing all the sports games so she gets some alone time so we can see what she’s like by herself. They also all play Mario kart and they customise accordingly. Plus there’s this enclosed space at the arcade in my city and balls fall from the ceiling of it and fill it up as in plastic ball pit balls, and you need to put them in holes. I think Hunter would be a bit clumsy and Willow would ace it. Then Amity would have barely contained rage till it comes out and Luz is mildly shocked considering she’s usually so calm and composed. Willow takes a picture with Gus of Amity and they show it to her later.

THE BEACH EPISODE. The boiling sea means the witches are scared of the water. Luz is apprehensive for a split second cus she’s been in the demon realm for a while. Hunger is more scared since he sank into the ground in hollow mind so he goes with Willow to see the plants nearby that grow there, e.g. palm trees. So the two scale up walls and trees to pick leaves and fruit for Gus to collect as specimens since he joins them for a bit. Later they play volleyball together. However, Willow then goes to swim and encourages Hunger to join in. Luz and Amity just jump off stuff together and splash around plus they have a conversation with Camilla. Vee and Gus then decide to do something together so Vee writes down in Gus’ notebook for a bit but Gus ends up showing her how to do shorthand. Vee also sees Masha and they do stuff together and swim together a bit since Vee plucks up the courage to ask her if she wants to since Masha came alone after her friends were too busy.

An indoor trampoline park episode. Again Hunter, Willow and Gus do tricks and stuff like in grudgby and the two mention Cosmic Frontier so that they both nerd out about it to Willlow. Luz and Amity do stuff and Amity twists her ankle and gets scooped up by Luz as a throwback. Vee invites Masha to join them so she does stuff with her, I have a feeling Masha would like DnD and they both roleplay that they’re in DND as they run about in an obstacle course and jump into the soft trampoline thing from that really tall ledge like they’re escaping something by jumping into a river after a heist or something. They’d also climb like they’re on a cliff on the climbing walls. And they’d use the Tarot cards (I think that’s the name) to decide what they’d do as predictions and stuff. I dunno.

Sick day episode. Since Luz had that in one episode in one the witches are gonna get the common flu along with Luz and her mum. The witches are convinced it’s dramatically bad and is like the boiling isles version and how crazy it made Luz (I’m not sure if that’s what happened with Luz). In this one Vee would shapeshift into Luz to be at school and bring back her work plus cus she likes school as mentioned before.

Luz and Amity getting a dinner date and I dunno stuff like that.

The zoo episode. There will be the giraffe gag as was showed in S3 and they’ll run around and gave fun. Since I have gotten the theory that Vee might like animal stuff I think that she might volunteer at the zoo and therefore gives them special access to the behind the scenes. Camilla is at work in this home so she can’t chaperone them, therefore they get into more shenanigans. Luz stays around the bird section with Hunter as she looks at the owls and Hunter looks excitedly as the birds that look a bit like Flap Jack. Hunter however, gets especially obsessed over the wolves, Luz also says the snake fact with them shedding their skin and Amity looks at the cats and enjoys a cat cafe at the zoo. Gus looks at the chameleons and takes notes before taking notes of the humans themselves. Willow goes to the insect exhibit and looks at the insects, and chiefly the plants. They also accidentally robbed a gift shop.

THE CINEMAAA. I know there’s already a movie night idea but ya know… they all watch an old movie that Luz’s grandparents on her dad’s side take them to watch. Cus I dunno they just visit and I wanna see them watch an old movie kinda like ‘Italian Job’, as an example. Or something with Charlie Chaplin but they probably wouldn’t be that old, those are just examples since we haven’t actually met them if they’re actually alive. There might be a horror movie alternatively and they all get spooked when there’s something that looks a bit like Belos, Hunter in particular shakes and ends up hugging Willow whilst everyone holds hands together (aka the whole group together). Or they watch a romance one and they jokingly tease Luz and Amity for being so cheesy I guess.

Robotics Club Episode. So here’s the context for why I randomly thought this up: I was sitting outside at break, a nice person in my friend group picked me up and yeeted me into robotics club with everyone else and now I’m there with zero experience or knowledge regarding coding. Now I need to reference @moringmark again, look this person just makes such good TOH content- I- I have to. Basically there was a comic with Luz making a vehicle with glyphs in the boiling isles so maybe she has a small amount of inspiration and experience with a robotics club in her town and it ends up being an activity she does with Amity since she is also quite techy due to her dad. Therefore, she can also get into thinking about combining human technology with abomination tech.

An arts and crafts day, everyone at the house is bored and are just scrolling on their phones so Camilla sets out arts and crafts stuff for them to do: Luz draws fanart and does some taxidermy; Gus makes a display and/or a poster/homemade fact book thing about human history and the stuff he’s learnt about the culture; Willow makes plant wreaths, daisy chains and plant sculptures as well as doing her best to paint some pots; this is where Hunter gets to work with a sewing machine and basically sews abominable outfits and a bunch of wolves onto said outfits; Amity creates a technological thing aka where there’s the whole thing with balls rolling down into different slides and triggering stuff but with abomination magic mixed in to help; and Vee makes a couple of character sheets and plot ideas for DND (look I’m gonna admit it, I wish I could figure out how to play it but I don’t know where to look so eh I have no idea).

A convention episode. Now, they’re all nerds, they should go to a comic con convention or something. They will do it and I’m making them do it. Luz and Amity will go to the very small area with one or two artists for the Azura book series where there’s a bunch of fellow fans dressed up as characters from the books showing off fanart and getting it signed. Gus and Hunter will go to Cosmic Frontier stuff and Willow will join with Luz and Amity. Vee does DND stuff with Masha and the rest of their friend group. Gus and Hunter find Camilla at a stall drawing commissions and selling merch for cosmic frontier which she was keeping hidden from them. (She hides various requests for NSFW). Due to the cosplayers, Hunter and Gus think about outfits for the future.

Pride March/Fayre Episode. This is how Luz gets her bi badge and how Camilla gets her LGBTQ+ support badge which was donating to a lgbtq+ charity. They all have fun, until Disney shows up as Belos and screams at them that they’re not the Disney brand.

A Halloween Episode. They showed us it but maybe if we got showed it with more time and then making their cosplays then that would be fun.

Vet Episode. Maybe it would be fun to see Camilla working at the vets but eh.

Cooking episode?

#the owl house #Hunter #Willow #luz noceda #toh #amity blight #luz x amity #gus porter #vee noceda #headcanon #huntlow #hunter x willow #lumity #toh masha #cartoons #disney #I dunno just ideas for filler episodes :/

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thesparkling-diamond27 · 2 days

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The Second Bridgerton And I: Part 2

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Summary: Y/n Clearwater becomes named the “Sparkling Diamond” by Queen Charlotte herself, but she doesn’t know what to do with all this attention. Of course she has her family, but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough. But what happens when she encounters a specific Bridgerton, which changes the course of her season.

Author’s Note: This chapter has scenes from season 3 episode 2 of Bridgerton. Down below is the link to Part 1. I hope you enjoy Y/nn= reader’s nickname

“Time to wake up Miss Y/n.”

My maid Alexandra. She is in her mid thirties and is a great companion to have. I am quite fond of her, but never in the morning. I am not a morning person, but Alexandra seemed to care less this morning , which was peculiar. She usually lets me sleep in a little longer.

“Miss Y/n! You might have callers coming this morning and you must be ready.”

This sentence alone caused me to sit up abruptly in bed. Callers. I completely forgot. If anyone was interested in me at Lady Danbury’s ball three nights ago, then they would be visiting around midday and this frightened me. I rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes and made my way out of bed. Alexandra guided me towards my vanity where she would begin with my hair and light makeup. I picked up a thin gold ring decorated with a green daisy in the center from my vanity. I placed it on one of my fingers and started fiddling with it. My father gifted the ring to me for my birthday two years ago and it has became somewhat of a source of comfort for me whenever I was nervous. I couldn’t wear it for the ball since the green didn’t match with my purple dress. Alexandra noticed me fiddling my ring.

“Would you like to wear your ring Miss Y/n? There might be a dress in your closet that might match.”

She knew about the comfort my ring gave me and I was grateful that she was always so perceptive.

“Yes please. You don’t have to call me Miss Y/n you know. I’ve told you a thousand times Y/n is fine.”

“I know, but” she began to brush my hair, “it’s not proper.”

“Well I’m allowing you to be improper.”

I looked at Alexandra through the looking glass with a smile and she returned it.

“Very well then…Y/n.”

She continued to brush my hair and do my make up in silence which caused me to wander in my thoughts. People were possibly coming to call on me and being nervous was an understatement. I kind of secretly wish that nobody would call upon me. It is frightening. I don’t know what to say or do with suitors and I don’t want to embarrass myself, especially since I’ll be in the same room with my family. Adeline would have plenty of suitors because Adeline is the definition of the perfect lady. She is beautiful and always knows the right words to say. Surely she caught the eye of several eligible bachelors at the ball. Far more suitors in comparison to me. This makes me feel like I’m already failing, which is ridiculous since the season just started. I just can’t help but feel like everything I’ve done so far has been wrong. I’m supposed to be the sparking diamond and it appears that everyone expects me to be perfect and graceful. However I don’t know if I can be perfect and graceful or if I want to be.

“Are you ready to get dressed Y/n?”

I looked in the looking glass and Alexandra was no longer behind me. I turned around and Alexandra was standing beside my bed with a pale green day dress laid out for me to wear.

“Yes I am.”

I barely tasted anything at Breakfast this morning. The food smelled delicious, and I was ready to enjoy a nice full breakfast, but as soon as the food touched my tongue the food began to taste like cement (or bland). My mama could sense something was wrong, but never spoke about it, thank god, until we were all gathered into the drawing room. The clock shows three quarters after ten which means that I have fifteen minutes left to myself.

I am sitting on the main couch in the drawing room when my parents approach me. Without saying a word they both guid me past the piano forte and to the other side of the room in order to have more privacy from my siblings. My mama places both her hands on my arms and says,

“My dear Y/n you have nothing to be afraid of. You are a beautiful young lady and I’m sure any gentleman you meet will instantly fall in love once they get to know you. You are brave, kind, strong and wise. You may not feel like you carry those characteristics, but I am here to assure you that you do. Your father and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

My mama looked at my father and pulled herself back from me as my father took her place. He grabbed my hands into his and said,

“We know you are nervous especially after the event from the previous night …”

Lord Berbrooke. My mother and sister were concerned, but to say my father and brothers were enraged was an understatement. There was practically steam coming out of my brothers ears when we were about to enter our carriages to leave the ball and my father had to stop them from causing a scene. He was furious as well, but he was more calm and collected about his feelings towards the situation because of his role as Viscount. He was angry, but he knew he had a reputation to uphold. I don’t know how they found out, but I didn’t have time to ask because as soon as we arrived home all three of them made sure that I told them my encounter with the man. I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about since he never crossed the line physically, but according to my brothers and father he did step over the line when he kept on pursuing me after I explicitly said no.

Everyone knew the reputation of Nigel Berbrooke and my family was quite puzzled as to how he snuck into Lady Danbury’s ball. He was not respected throughout the ton, which was why he was never personally invited to balls and social events anymore, and my father and brothers found it absurd how he was even present in the first place. They promised to keep an extra eye on me, and Adeline, for when we attend more balls and events in the future. They also notified Lady Danbury first thing the next morning.

“…And I don’t want to give you more nerves,” my father continued “but I have talked with an old friend of mine about a possible match for you.”

I was about to protest, but he beat me to it

“Before you say anything. No you don’t have to marry him, but at least be open to getting to know him.”

I looked up at my father and then at my mother. Being open was the least I can do.

“I will father.”

“Thank you my dear Carina.”

My parents each placed a kiss on my head and the three of us went back to our family.

—————————

Benedict

Hesitating Hyacinth?” Said Colin

“I do not hesitate.” She retorted

“And yet here were are waiting.” Chimed in Gregory

“Perhaps it is to your good fortune, as she fleeced you in the last hand.” Colin said

“I play a long game.” Said Gregory

Hyacinth cleared her throat. “I am pleased with my hand.”

“Now you hesitate.” Colin said to Gregory.

Gregory turned to me and said, “I should like to trade.”

“Hmm?” I replied

“Hmm”

Gregory and I exchanged hands and we continued with our game. Then Colin said out of nowhere,

“I am out of this round.”

“You coward!” Said Gregory

“Told you he had a strategy.” I said

“We may need more coins, the way Hyacinth is playing.” Colin said

I scoffed. What a lame excuse. Colin stood and walked away to do God knows what. I turned around and noticed our footman Oliver waiting for Colin. Someone was visiting him? But who? He became different after he came back from his travels. More distant. I would have to ask him about this secret rendezvous later.

“Are you certain you are not cheating?” Gregory asked Hyacinth.

“Do you think me a magician?” Hyacinth relied

“Hmm.” I said “well if you are please teach us some tricks.”

I could be doing anything else besides playing cards with my two youngest siblings, but the banter between the two of them was always interesting. I knew how this was going to go. Hyacinth hates to win, and Gregory hates to loose to her, so who would want to miss such a spectacle.

Even though we were playing with cards my mind was somewhere else entirely. I couldn’t stop thinking about Y/n. I hope she is well. After she walked away with her brother Noah, I notified Alexander about what happened with Berbrooke. He said he would take care of it and I hope he did. Of course he would that’s his younger sister after all.

“Benedict.” Said Hyacinth “it’s your turn.”

“What? Oh right.”

I wonder if she received a bunch of callers. Who wouldn’t want to sought after Y/n Clearwater the Queen’s sparkling diamond. If I was looking for a wife I would probably try to call upon her myself. She came from a well off family and was quite beautiful. She was also quite charming when we conversed while dancing. I was only with her for a few short moments, but I could tell that she was a wonderful person.

“I won!”

I looked up and saw Hyacinth was out of her chair and she was doing her own victory dance. I assume she won.

“That’s not fair you cheated!” Gregory shouted.

“No I did not! I won fair and square! Right Benedict?”

Hyacinth and Gregory both looked at me expectingly waiting for my answer. To be frank I wasn’t paying attention to the card game at all, so I don’t know if Hyacinth was cheating or not.

“Are you okay brother?” Gregory asked “You are quiet.”

“Of course I’m alright. I am annoyed that I have lost again due to Hyacinth’s cheating!”

“I did not cheat!”

“Yes you did!”

Their banter quickly escalated, like I predicted, and that put a smile to my face. There was never a dull moment at the Bridgerton household

—————————

Any lady of society that says suitors calling upon you isn’t tiring is lying.

There were a lot of suitors calling upon Adeline and I. There was even a line! There wasn’t even half as many gentlemen here for Adeline last season, but then again I am the so called diamond. The gentleman of the ton are curious about me I suppose. I talked with a variety of men. From talkative to shy, conceited, kind, egotistical, funny and so much more. Adeline had a group of men to pick from as well. I hope she was enjoying herself. I couldn’t tell since I was too preoccupied with my callers.

One man that stood out to me was Lord Findlay. We were supposed to share a dance with each other, but never got the chance to after I was keen to leave the ball early due to a certain man. We fell into an easy conversation and I found myself enjoying his company. However, I didn’t see anything past friendship for us in the future. After about an hour and a half, things seemed to calm down and I had just sent away my last caller. I sat myself down on the main sofa of the drawing room and took a deep breath. Finally the event was over. I couldn’t wait to tell Penelope about what happened the past few days. I really hope she is well. I looked around the ballroom, at the Danbury ball, to say goodbye before leaving, but she was nowhere to be seen. I hope everything was alright. Someone walked into the room and it was one of our footmen William.

“A caller for Miss Y/n.”

I looked up and a young handsome man walked in with an older man behind him who I assumed was his father. My father quickly met with the older man and shook hands with him in a friendly way. He then patted the young man on the back. My father turned around and motioned for me to come join them. I made my way over to them and my father said,

“Y/n this is Viscount Victor Tewkesberry and his eldest son Maxwell Tewkesberry. Victor and Maxwell this is my daughter Y/n.”

I curtsied at both of them respectfully and Viscount Tewkesberry and Maxwell both bowed slightly in response. When Maxwell stood back up straight, I noticed he was holding a small white box with an ornate pink bow on the top. He held the box in his left hand and used his right hand to take my hand and place a kiss on the back of it.

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you Miss Y/n. Your father has told me much about you and I must say, him calling you beautiful was an understatement.”

My father may have told him about me, but he surely didn’t notify me about him. The first time my father mentioned Maxwell was this morning when he shared that we would be expecting his presence today. Even though I knew nothing of him, I couldn’t help, but blush at his comment. No one has ever said anything to me like that. I decided I should lie about knowing about him beforehand in order to be polite. I didn’t want him or his father to think I wasn’t intrigued because I was.

“It is a pleasure for me as well. My father has told me about you.”

“All good things I hope.”

I nodded. “I hope I could meet your expectations based on what my father has already told you.”

“I can’t see into the future, but I believe that you will.”

This caused me to smile and he smiled back.

“Why don’t you continue your conversation somewhere more private.” My dad suggested.

“Shall we?” I asked.

He simply nodded. I guided him towards the other side of the room and past the couches to the windowsill.

“Is it alright with you if we converse here?” I asked “I am more comfortable sitting by the view.”

“Yes that is fine with me.”

We both took a seat by the windowsill and I looked out into the street. I always tended to find myself looking at the people walking by. Walking on the street and minding their own business. Sometimes I would make up stories in my head based on the people that I would see walking. My eyes drifted to the other houses that were on the same street as mine. Next to my house was the Featherington household and that made connecting with Penelope this season easy, since I only had to walk over a few yards. Across my house was the Wellington family where one of my close friends used to live, but she moved a fews ago a few streets over. Next to the Wellington household across from the Featherington household, and diagonal from my house was the Bridgerton household.

“Do you like to look out at the view?” Maxwell asked.

“Yes. I sit here and usually look out the window or read a good book?”

“Oh you read?!”

“Is it shocking to you that a lady can enjoy reading?”

“No no! Forgive me that is not what I meant. I like to read as well, so it seems we have something in common. What genre do you prefer to read?”

I wanted to answer him truthfully, but I hesitated. Would he like my answer? Even though this is my first encounter with him, I still know who he is. The Tewkesberry family is a very well known family and our families have crossed paths time and time again. I’ve offered a polite smile to the family in passing, but that was different from actually holding a conversation with one of them. I remember the child like image of Maxwell, but we are no longer kids. He is obviously educated, probably attended university, so he probably would want a knowledgeable lady. Which is why I decided on the safe answer.

“I mostly like to read books of fact. They can be quite interesting.”

“What topic do you pertain to the most?”

Oh no. How was I supposed to answer this? I don’t read books of fiction! I rather enjoy a good romance. I tried to muster an answer the best I could.

“I don’t….I don’t really pertain to a particular topic…I….simply like the…random facts…that I learn as I read.”

That answer was preposterous, but I did the best that I could. Tewkesberry looked at me and I couldn’t read the expression on his face. I couldn’t tell if he liked my answer or if he believed me. He changed the topic and I was oh so grateful.

“I have something for you.” He said.

He brought the small white box that he had earlier and held it out for me to take. I completely forgot that he had that. I took the box from his hand and delicately pulled the bow apart. I noticed that he was watching my every move and anticipating my reaction. Once the ribbon was off I slowly opened the box and there were two macarons sitting perfectly and neatly in the box. They were both a baby pink color with a bright fuchsia filling in the middle. They were neatly made and assembled and the smell was a smell that I can identify anywhere. He didn’t obtain these two macarons from some knock off pastry shop in London. He brought these from Paris. They were authentic and I could tell they would taste exquisite. I always had a sweet tooth and I became disappointed at the pastry shops in London after I visited Paris a few years ago.

“Do you like them?” He asked

I looked back up at him.

“Oh no you don’t like it. I’m sorry. I wanted to bring something for you as a gesture and your father mentioned that you were fond of sweets, macarons in particular, so I figured I’d get you some. I asked what your favorite flavor was and he said raspberry. I was recently in Paris dealing with business with my father and I passed by a pastry shop and I’d figure…”

“Hey.”…”it’s alright. I’m actually grateful for the gift. Truly. I was just taking it in.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” I said with a smile. “Would you like to have one?”

“Are you sure? I brought them for you.”

“I know, but there are two of them. We can each have one.” I said with a smile.

I took one of them out and gave it to him to take. I did the same for me and we ate them in a comfortable silence. When I took the first bite my mouth was met with an immediate whirlwind of flavor and like he said it was raspberry. My favorite. I couldn’t help but feel happy. He went through all this trouble to get something that I liked and it made me feel bad for lying to him.

“About what I said earlier…about books of fiction.” I said “I lied.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“I’m not surprised that you said that you prefer books of fiction, but your answer didn’t seem to support your statement.”

“I’m sorry. I wanted you to like me. Half of the time I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

“What is your favorite genre then?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Your favorite book genre.”

“Romance.”

“What about romance do you particularly like?”

I paused to think about my answer and then finally said, “All throughout my life I have been in close proximity to marriages based on love. Mostly with my family. Seeing love in front of me and reading about it in books makes me hope that I can one day have that in the future.”

I looked up at him and he was already looking at me. He seemed to like my answer because his lips turned up into a smile.

“Miss Y/n I am looking for a wife. In my future wife I hope to find a companion. Someone I could talk to. I want to share with her my experiences, feelings and thoughts and I would love for her to do the same. If I am to pursue you, I don’t want you to feel like you have the need to like what I like and always agree with me. You are your own person with your own thoughts and you shouldn’t change for me. Can you do that for me?”

I looked at Tewkesberry and for the first time this season I felt at peace. Which is why it was easy for me to say,

“Yes. Yes I can. “

—————————

I couldn’t wait to see Maxwell at the ball tonight. We had a lovely conversation yesterday and he asked if I could save him a dance tonight.

I am a walking arm and arm with my mama as my family and I enter. The ball was decorated quite nicely.

“Now dearest.” My mama said “I won’t push any suitors your way, due to your interest towards the Viscount’s son. However, if a lovely man is to ask you for a dance you may dance with them if you choose to.”

“Alright mama. My main focus will be on Lord Tewkesberry, but I’ll keep my mind open for other suitors. Shall we greet the Queen?”

“Yes I think that is wise since we didn’t do so at Lady Danbury’s ball.”

“I hope she is not furious with me that I didn’t greet her.”

“Gossip travels fast throughout the ton dearest. I am sure when the news reached the Queen she had a little sympathy for you.”

We both approached the Queen and I curtsied slightly in front of her.

“Flawless my dear. Just how I would expect you to be.” Queen Charlotte said

“Thank you. I’m sorry I couldn’t grace you with my presence at Lady Danbury’s ball. There was an incident that affected my mood and I wouldn’t want to greet you in such a state.”

“All is well my dear. I hear a certain Viscount has found an interest in you.”

I was surprised how she already knew such information. The Queen seemed to notice my surprised face because she said,

“I know all and see all because I am the Queen my sparkling diamond. I am curious to see how this arrangement will continue.”

I nodded and my mama and I walked away from the Queen.

“I am going to search for Penelope mama. It has been a while since we have seen each other.”

“Alright dear, ” Said mama “but be careful.” She gave me a warning look.

“I will.”

—————————

Benedict

Colin and I were near the lemonade table when we were interrupted by a women’s voice.

“Good evening Mr. Bridgerton. Mr. Bridgerton.”

We turned around and saw two young ladies standing before us.

“Ladies!” I greeted. Another woman joined us. “And more Ladies!”

All three of them began to laugh in unison. They would simply try anything to grab our attention I thought.

Colin and I both turned around and I said quietly.

“They’ve taken to hunting in packs.”

Colin and I continued to sip our lemonade.

“Mr. Bridgerton. I have yet to see you on the dance floor.” One of the ladies said. She was Ms. Stowell I believe.

“What say you brother?” Colin asked, “Time for you to dance?”

He did not just throw me to the wolves. I couldn’t believe Colin. He was supposed to rescue me from a situation like this.

“Yes.” I said with annoyance, specifically towards Colin, but the three ladies didn’t seem to notice. They looked at me anticipating to share a dance. I looked at the girl in the middle. She looked the most sensible.

“Miss Stowell, may I have the next dance?”

She excitedly placed her dance card in my hand for me to sign. What did my brother get me into?

—————————

Penelope and I were conversing near a dessert table. It’s been awhile since we enjoyed each other’s company and I was rather pleased. I caught her up on all the events that has happened since I last seen her.

“I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you Y/nn.” Penelope said, “Lord Berbrooke is a despicable man. I hope you are well.”

“Yes I am.”

“That’s good. I don’t like seeing you in distress.”

“As do I with you.”

“At least Benedict was able to assist you. That was rather nice of him.”

“Yes nice of him indeed.”

I have thought of Benedict quite a bit since we parted. I wonder if he is here tonight.

“So Lord Tewkesberry…” she said with a teasing tone.

“Don’t look at me like that Pen. We are not courting. We are simply enjoying each other’s company.

“But you two danced with one another tonight.”

“It’s nothing Pen, but enough about me. What has been going on with you?”

Penelope looked around and led us to an area that can allow us more privacy.

“You must promise to not tell another soul what I am about to tell you.”

She sounded serious. This must be important.

“I promise.”

“I have asked Colin to assist me with helping me find a husband.”

I looked at Penelope surprised.

“You do not approve?” She asked, “I know it is unorthodox, but we are both friends.”

“I know, but…”

I looked around to make sure no one was listening to our conversation.

“You must be careful Pen. If this deal you made with Colin is to get out, the ton will not take this lightly. Your reputation-“

“I know I know. We’ve been keeping this discreet.”

“Good make sure it stays that way.”

“It will.”

I missed getting to converse with Penelope.

“Why don’t we spend some time with each other soon.” Penelope said

“I would like that very much.”

“Miss Clearwater. Miss Featherington.”

I turned to see Benedict Bridgerton standing in front of us.

“Miss Y/n, can I have the pleasure of escorting you to the dance floor? If there is room on your dance card.”

“Yes you may.”

Benedict smiles and takes my hand to lead me to dance. I look back at Penelope and she gives me a confused look. She was surprised at Benedict’s actions as well. I shrugged and continued to walk with Benedict.

“What is the meaning of this?” I asked

“I need your help and you owe me.”

“I owe you?! Since when do I owe you?”

“Since I saved you from Lord Berbrooke.”

“Just because you saved me does not mean that you deserve something in return. I thought you were a gentleman.”

He stopped and looked me in the eyes.

“I am a gentleman. I would do what I did for you again and again if I had to without anything in return. I simply need someone to help me avoid someone else and you were the only female face I recognized nearby.”

I got lost in his crystal blue eyes.

“Miss Y/n?”

“Oh… well then I guess I have to help you.” I smiled at him and he returned it. We continued our way to the dance floor. The music began and we fell into a familiar rhythm. I became curious about who he was hiding from, so I asked him.

“Who am I saving you from?”

“Miss Stowell and her mama. I danced with her earlier and they have both been following me since. I don’t have intentions to court her, but it appears that she has not received the same message.”

“Ah I see.”

“How is your season going so far?Any man that has caught your eye?”

“Lord Tewkesberry.”

“Ahh he is a great choice.”

“Do you know him?”

“Not personally. However, we have crossed paths multiple times and he is quite the gentleman. Definitely worthy for a lady like yourself.”

I felt my cheeks warm.

“Thank you for passing along that piece of information.”

“Of course what are friends for?”

I stopped dancing. Good thing Benedict was leading and guided me to continue because if not, we would have been a beat behind everyone else.”

“Friends?” I asked

“Yes. Do you not want to be?” He frowned.

“No no! It’s not Iike that. I didn’t expect you to say such a thing.”

“Well now you know that you have become a dear friend of mine.”

“You as well.”

We both smiled and finished the dance. The music came to a stop and I curtsied while he bowed.

“Would you care for some lemonade?” He asked.

“I would be delighted to.”

Benedict linked his arm with mine and we made our way outside to the refreshment table. As I was sipping my lemonade I noticed Penelope from afar talking with Lord Remington. She seemed to be enjoying herself as did he. I smiled at the thought. I was about to speak to Benedict when I couldn’t help but overhear a nearby conversation.

“It is rather unseemly that Miss Featherington took his help. Pitiable I think.”

I turned and heard another voice speak.

“It is kind of him, but perhaps overly so.”

I looked around and several people had their hands coming their mouth and would acasionally look over at Penelope who was now standing with Colin. People couldn’t know what Penelope told me earlier. Right? This is exactly what I was afraid of. Something like this to happen, but how did everyone else find out?

“Are you alright Miss Y/n?”

I turned to Benedict and he looked concerned. I looked around and saw Penelope begin to walk away. I turned to Benedict.

“I’m sorry, but I must take my leave.”

I curtsied.

“Goodbye.”

“Wait!” Benedict shouted, but I was already making my way to Penelope. As I reached the steps I noticed Colin and Eloise exchanging a few words. Penelope had already left to call a carriage. I had missed her.

“Eloise! Did you tell any one of my helping Penelope?”

“No I did - I did not mean to —“

“Which means you did.”

“I confided in Cressida.”

“Because you thought you could trust her? Why are you friends with Cressida in place of Penelope, I will never understand. What could Penelope possibly have done to warrant such maltreatment?!”

Colin continues to ascend the stairs to run after Penelope. Eloise turned around and showed shock due to her not knowing that I was present. I walked down a few steps and said,

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was after Penelope when I ran into you two.”

“It’s alright.” She replied

She started to walk up the stairs and when she reached talking distance I asked,

“What happened between the two of you? You and Penelope. I know you two were the best of friends last season. What happened?”

Eloise seemed hesitant to answer. I did not expect her to answer, but she did.

“Not everyone is the way they appear to be. Some carry secrets. I discovered that Penelope was one of them.”

Secrets? Penelope keeping secrets? That did not seem true. But then again I don’t know what happened between the twins them so Eloise can be telling the truth. If Penelope does have secrets is she keeping them from me? I would like to think that our friendship was stable enough for her to trust me with these certain things.

“If you did confide in Cressida, I don’t think you had any mal intent when you did so.”

Eloise seemed grateful when I said this.

“Thank you. Brother!”

I turned around and noticed Benedict walking towards us. When did he get here?

“Eloise. Miss Clearwater.” Benedict said.

Eloise looked between the two of us and said

“I shall take my leave. It was nice meeting you….”

“Y/n. Y/n Clearwater.”

“Right.”

She smiled at me and then continued to walk up the stairs.

“I am afraid I am keen to return to my family Mr. Bridgerton.”

“Well allow me to escort you to them. And please, call me Benedict.”