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#but then again it makes for a really interesting almost philosophical question
age-of-moonknight · 2 years
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“Moonlighting,” Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #15.
Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
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neonscandal · 7 months
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Manga With Me: Obscure Head Canons (and Hypotheses) You’d Probably Develop When Reading the JJK Light Novels, Pt 1
For an anime with literally no filler episodes 🥹... the first light novel provides a brief insight into the days before (and behind the scenes of) the trauma. As someone who thrives on the misery of being a JJK fan, would the experience be complete without them? The answer doesn't matter because everything you need is below the jump! I saved my biggest theory for last so hop to the end for it.
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⚠️ Spoiler Warning for Jujutsu Kaisen Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust and season 2 of the anime (manga spoilers are vague at best).
Head Canon: Gojo is the Riddler Purely For His Own Entertainment ✨
As someone who can process things the way a Six Eyes holder probably can, there’s no way he allows Yuji and Megumi to get the drop on him during their surveillance of sensei on his day off. But he takes them around (at a distance) doing silly things like record stores and maid cafes because I think it prompts them to enjoy things they wouldn’t. Especially Megumi. It’s kind of sweet, both their inherent curiosity about him but also lonely the way that he explores his whims so far removed from everyone else. It really highlights that “Who is Gojo Satoru?” question when you realize even Megumi’s interest was lowkey piqued at the possibly knowing a bit more about Gojo.
In the second story, Gojo speaks in straight up nonsense (think Mad Hatter) and it is no wonder when he's working alongside the most straight laced sorcerer there is, Nanami Kento. To a degree, I wonder if it’s genuine chaos spilling from his head or if he knows, after years of pushing Nanami’s buttons, how to precisely drive him up a wall. I question whether it's for his own entertainment or to his own alienation. Maybe Geto really was the only one who could follow the winding thread of Gojo’s thoughts.
Head Canon: Gojo Secretly Worries About Nanami
I think with Haibara’s death and the knowledge he would have made light work of whatever caused it, Gojo makes it a point to join Nanami on missions.. just in case. After all, Nanami and Shoko are all he has left from before. He’s lost many people and, as the strongest, I don’t think that fear is something he’d admit aloud, but its reality is demonstrably what pushes him forward physically and philosophically. In the story where they go on a mission together... it almost seems like an unspoken and uncomfortable understanding between them, the elephant in the room neither want to point out. People around Gojo never wanting to acknowledge how his strength eclipses theirs is rather common which we see with Nanami in this story and even Ijichi later. So while he may make light of this chasm, he still pops in as an unsolicited protector. With grace, he allows Nanami to assume he's just being a nuisance but I really think he takes an ounce of prevention where possible when it comes to the people he cares for. After all, imagine the turmoil if he ever came to realize his absence could make or break another person's survival again.
Head Canon: The Elders Have Always Known, If It Came Down to it, Gojo Would Always Choose Geto
There’s a reason they kept the idea of reanimating the dead a secret specifically from Gojo. In fact, they should probably consider themselves lucky that he was so vehemently disgusted with the curse user capable of such puppetry. I wonder if he experienced hope before allowing the reality of the sham magic to break his heart all over again because, in their secrecy, it seems like they know the lengths he’d go to protect and choose Geto. Geto was allowed to walk the earth for 10 years after his execution was ordered. Maybe they were right to keep it close to the chest. Gojo still saved his body, after all. To what end when he knew a body can run the risk of becoming a curse?
Head Canon: Gojo Saved Ijichi's Life but Condemned Him to Something Worse
Okay so this is kind of a manga spoiler (though I believe the flash back is during the Premature Death/Hidden Inventory arc) but, as a student, Gojo straight up told Ijichi he was weak and should find something else to do so he doesn't get himself killed. So he does. He becomes a steadfast and detail oriented manager which is a critical fixture in jujutsu society but damn, doesn't it just put Ijichi in an ivory tower of suffering? Years pass as he sends first his juniors, then fresh sets of kids into dangerous battle after dangerous battle. Some survive, some don't and all serve as a reminder of his powerlessness. He can cross every "t" and dot every "i" and it still doesn't prevent what happened to Yuji at the Juvenile center from happening. What does that do to one's soul?
Head Canon: Gojo Still Thinks "We Are the Strongest"
As seen with the Premature Death/Hidden Inventory arc, we know that Gojo saw an exponential growth in response to the losses suffered. It seemingly drove a wedge between he and Geto as Geto struggled to grapple with his powerlessness. With his defection, we see where Gojo changes his posturing from "we are the strongest" to "I am the strongest" but in the back of his mind (Alexa, play "Always Forever" by Cults 🫠), we know he still holds a soft spot for his first and last warm spring of youth. At the end of JJK 0, he refers to Geto in the present tense, as his "best friend, [his] one and only." Even after everything, I truly think Gojo leaves space for Geto beside him. This is furthered in the light novel during a story which is placed post Junpei and upon Yuji's return to life at Jujutsu High. Yuji, while still playing dead, helped a kid who had a grade 3 curse that seemed to be resurrecting and, after exorcising it multiple times felt he needed Gojo's assistance. When Gojo refused, he resigned himself to ask Nanamin for help wherein Gojo employed a Teachable Moment (TM).
He approached Itadori, who was hanging his head. "In this world, tragedies too often end in misery, even when it's possible to help. But the problem isn't lack of strength or getting there too late." As Gojo passed Itadori, he patted him on the head without making eye contact. "The main reason it happens is that people forget they have the strength to help."
This was enough to restore Yuji's confidence in his own competence but also sounds informed by what happened between Geto and Gojo in a sense. I interpret Gojo's assertion to center Geto to be the assumed lack of strength (which was most pertinent to how he was advising Yuji) and himself with the poor timing. Ultimately, to Gojo it doesn't matter because he never thought Geto was weak. The insecurity was a product of a situation he failed to reason himself out of, at the time, and it bred resentment within him alone. I don't think Gojo blamed Geto for anything that happened with Riko nor could he blame himself. It simply spurned him to figure out ways to limit his vulnerability in the future. In the face of that loss, Gojo still said they were the strongest and maybe in that moment with Yuji, he was employing a lesson he wished he could have been in a place to tell Geto to quell his festering guilt and grief. You can be strong and still fallible.
Hypothesis: Mimiko and Nanako (and Anyone Else...) Going After Managers is Not a Coincidence
As we saw with JJK 0, Geto's twins were rather merciless in going after the suits who make everything covert about jujutsu society possible. Based on what we knew at the time, the managers provide cover for sorcerers on missions (with curtains, getting them transportation to, providing cover stories) and plug them in with resources as needed. But we begin to realize that managers serve additional purposes. In season 1, we see that they are sometimes part of the investigative force when it comes to getting information around developing situations. With the Shibuya arc and the arc that follows, we see that they are also integral means of liaison and communication between sorcerers and to other points of contact within the community, including windows.
So. Windows are people who can see curses but aren't sorcerers which begs the question, what are managers? As we learn and can infer with Ijichi, who was a former sorcerer in training, managers are people who can see curses and may even be able to manipulate cursed energy. They aren't full blown sorcerers but they aren't completely helpless either. So why go after them?
As we see in the story centered around Ijichi's "boring day" at the office. Managers are sorcerers' only connection to the "human" world. They are what keeps them tethered to their mission in protecting others while similarly upholding the etiquette and traditions around how the rest of the world works. They maintain a very delicate balance of things alongside the supernatural. Without them, you'd have the unchecked ego of teenage Gojo basically just doing as he pleases without curtains or respect to the possible implications of a civilian seeing him work out in the open. To suit Geto's needs during JJK 0, why should sorcerers operate under some guise of hiding their strength for the sake of those who are weak? As to what happens during the Shibuya arc.. imagine the fear, the anxiety. Imagine the chaos! Imagine the curses it would yield.
Hypothesis: Yuji is Still the Main Character, We Just Haven't Seen the Curse that He'd Manifest When Broken Saying it louder for the people in the back
Certain corners of the fandom have largely cast Yuji aside. With the release of JJK 0 and appearance of Yuta, many wonder why Yuta isn't carrying the series. Afterall, his inherent overpowered-ness and ability to copy any technique for sure casts him as the next gen Gojo, right? In the literary sense, we've seen the rise and fall of his story. We haven't seen the last of him by any stretch of the imagination but he is, as we discovered, also jujutsu society royalty. A distant cousin of Gojo's, actually.
Of the main cast of first and second years, Yuji and Nobara are subsequently the only characters who do not have apparent ties to jujutsu society. Nobara, plucked from the countryside, is tested by Gojo upon her initial introduction to the series to make sure she's crazy enough to cut it. Yuji's origin is still a ways from truly coming to light but his inherent strength and the simple ability to house Sukuna and maintain his identity has, in many ways, been indicated to be an anomaly. Subsequently, as the viewer or reader, we know there's more to the story which has yet to come. I won't go into it here given my desire to not spoil the larger manga story but I think laced within the light novels is enough evidence to talk about Yuji and what his power and subsequent threat level is.
Yuji, for all intents and purposes, is an outsider. From what we can tell, he has experienced loss. Most apparently with his grandfather but we also assume he is a victim to the MC syndrome that leaves him orphaned and prime for a journey rife with struggle. He's fifteen with the pure heart of a child despite any previous hardships and just so happens to be armed with the mission to help people.
Yuji approaches the introduction to this new society with the wonderment of a kid finding out superheroes exist. But this naivete, this untempered light, actually has the capability of being something so fearsome when we learn how curses manifest through negative emotions.
In the anime, we see this as Sukuna scratches at Yuji's mental when they realize the possible origin of Tsumiki's curse may have begun killing it's victims when Yuji ate the finger. Mahito employs a similar means of manifesting ill will in Junpei that ultimately also becomes a burdensome guilt that Yuji bears. Countless times in the Shibuya arc, Yuji is forced to witness catastrophic losses of his mentors and friends while he can only stand idly by. The survivor's guilt is compounded by the shame of his own inability to help which only gets worse.
Since Yuji is relatively noble and sincere in nature, he considers these losses personal failures. He takes ownership of any sins against others that Sukuna commits when he is not in control over his body and, subsequently, his spirit takes a beating time and time again. He sought to do good in the world but his ledger becomes increasingly bloody through no means of his own and it weighs on our sunshine character.
It's easy to lend a hand to a child who has fallen, but it's a teacher's job to show a child how to stand up unassisted. It isn't always easy. - Gojo Satoru
The first light novel closes the gap between how Yuji went from training in a basement away from anyone who'd want him dead a second time to being under Nanami's care. While wrapping up Nanami's case, Gojo is uncharacteristically somber in requesting Nanami's assistance. He explains that Yuji requires Nanami's influence as someone who knows human suffering. The losses shared between them are unspoken and are not acknowledged within this exchange but, from what we know, hang as a burden between them. Still, both Nanami and Gojo have continued on as sorcerers somehow, from the grief of their youth into their late twenties. But Gojo gives voice to the concern that, because of Yuji's bravery and altruism, that the reality of what's expected of a sorcerer will one day break his heart if someone with emotional intelligence isn't able to help temper it. They seem to both understand the precariousness of youth and have both been shown to insist in protecting it where possible. This exchange and their mutual understanding is how we have Yuji under the care of Nanamin. It's also where we get the heart rending reminder that "Being a child is by no means a crime," and "You've escaped death many times. But that doesn't mean you've become an adult."
In the last story of the book, as Yuji is reunited with the other first years, he is contemplating a situation he encountered that still lacked resolution. He'd exorcised the exact same demon several times but to no avail. He hopes to enlist Gojo's help but Gojo encourages him to think about the problem more because not everything can be solved by fighting and exorcising when the source of curses is from human emotion. As Yuji races off to resolve the issue that's been weighing on him, Gojo reflects on his responsibility to preparing Yuji for the ups and downs that are sure to befall him.
Itadori's sincerity was a more significant attribute than his being Sukuna's vessel. As a result, trauma had the potential to become a curse more fearsome than anything else, a nasty curse preventable only by confronting one's own heart. Instead of cradling that heart, Gojo could teach it to be prepared. That's what it meant to raise students.
While the story resolves without consequence, we see that Yuji's reflection on the situation is as endearing as one would imagine though still a bit warped. He is galvanized to be stronger, dedicated to providing the help the people need whatever it may be, and to not give those he cares about reason to worry which seems in line with what Gojo was hoping for. But being offset by his consideration for how others feel like Nobara and Fushiguro when he died, it almost feels like he's creating an even larger burden of expectations for himself. This gives rise to Gojo's very real concerns about how far someone can fall into despair, especially someone who is such a beacon of positivity.
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kalindraancunin · 2 months
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A Love Dream 
OK GUYS. I HAD TO DO IT. i am not a writer per se (although I am loving it I admit), not a native speaker, nothing, but I HAD to get this idea out, and I sincerely hope you enjoy! ALSO: if anyone wants to continue this story with the much needed smut after, FEEL FREE! Let this be a group Project!
fluffy fluff, feelings, music, classical lore, anticipation for smut (but not there yet), love, desire and philosophical astarion :D
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Lúthien is my female moon druid tav with a very rough childhood, one which she tries to heal herself from, with the help of her creative passions, specially music. Honestly if one didn’t knew and disregarded her occasional transformation into animal form, she would easily be mistaken for a full on bard. 
She and Astarion engage in ongoing, very heavy flirting and already slept together two times (before and after the tiefling party), but never talked about feelings involved and struggle deeply to not be the first one revealing themselves to the other 
(Basically two traumatized dumbasses in love).
She lets him feed nearly every night, trying to not show too much of her deep affection and lust for him. He obviously notices, but other than some heavy teasing he didn’t go further in his advances, simply because he, so he tells himself, already got what he wanted: her on his side, fighting for his cause for freedom.
The Piano piece they are playing is Franz Liszt Liebestraum No.3 (or A Love Dream) in Ab flat major ;-)  I found it quite fitting both in melody and storywise!
....
As the sun begins to settle between the trees at the rosymorn monastery, camp shenanigans slowly settled down as well. This was the time where everyone retreated to their own tents, except for one or two left at the camp fire, sipping on wine and telling stories (more so often Gale). Like the night before, Lúthien sat behind the very old grand piano which revealed itself after an unpleasant encounter with some giant eagles two days ago. While their usual loot strolls after the fight, Lúthien almost couldn’t  contain herself when she spotted the harsh contrast of the piano keyboard between piles of dried grass which the eagles used to built their nests.
She insisted they make camp here, as they were too exhausted after the two fights (they encountered some death sheppards before) and asked Karlach to help her set up the grand piano near her tent. „ Ok Soldier, am quite excited which tunes you come up with, I love when you play for us!“ The fiery Barbarian shouted while she grabbed the monstrosity by the keyboard like it was made out of cardboard and swunged it over her shoulders to carry it to Lúthien. She herself laughed, never getting over the impossible strength the tiefling woman provided while also embodying such an easy and happy personality.
„Careful, a grand piano as old as this specimen is most likely very delicate, specially the keyboard!“ Astarion suddenly made an appearance behind the two women, arms crossed, head shaking in disapproval.
„You may be right“ Lúthien admitted, placing her fingers on some of the keys, testing the sound. „ You sound like you sat on one of those before?“ She looks at his face, recognizing his eyes shying away from her gaze, eyebrows frowned as he was caught by surprise.
„ I.. Well, .. I don’t know, really. After all, it must have been 200 years ago.“ His usually silky voice took on an absent, sad tone.
„ Sorry, I didn’t mean to..“ Lúthien felt like her question stirred some uncomfortable thoughts the beautiful man across from her most certainly wanted to avoid. „No, no, darling, it’s alright,“ he quickly responded, his ruby eyes fixated again on her. „If you don’t mind not practicing too loud? I have some interesting literature which I intended  to indulge in peace and quiet this evening.“ He scoffed at her with a little smirk and walked away back to his tent, just before Lúthien could return his teasing with a witty remark she already prepared inside her head.
Something along the lines of …. I could only imagine which „literature“ you are referring too.. never mind. 
As her mind travels back to the present moment, Lúthien shooked her head, trying to get rid of that white haired-seductive grinning-crimson eyed- vampire- elf- man- image in her mind and focussed on the keys before her. This evening, she wanted to focus herself on a particular captivating piano piece she always wanted to perfect, but never managed to. Originally in ab major, Lúthien struggled to remember the correct tonality as she let her fingers sway over the keyboard, only pressing faintly where she thought the tone was right.
„Unsure, darling?“
Lúthien gasped in shock as she suddenly felt the presence of Astarion behind her. „Could you stop sneaking up on me?!“ She turns around, obviously taken aback and met him with a piercing glance, „sorry if I was too loud and interrupted your studies, your heiness.“
„No need bringing royalty into this, although I admit, this title would suit me quite a bit, don’t you think?“ Lúthien rolled her eyes and noticed her ears and cheeks heating up as he sat down next to her on the laying barrel she upcycled as a piano stool, their thighs touching each other slightly. She stared at his trousers and her mind drifted to the strong grip his legs had on her that night…. 
„My eyes are up here, pet.“ She gasped again and wanted to fight his bold assumption (which frankly was true), but couldn’t contain a loud laugh. She looked him in his eyes,  despite her urge to avoid his gaze and was rewarded to see his face lighten up with her laugh. God’s, he was just ethereal. „Ok, ok, i don’t know what to say to that“ Lúthien looked away and at her hands still on the keyboard. 
To her surprise, Astarion placed his hands on the keyboard as well. 
„You know, I thought about what we talked about yesterday,“ she looked at him while he talked and absentmindedly gazed at the piano,“ I think i might have some history playing the piano when I was younger. He started lazily playing an arpeggiated phrase containing c, e ab…“Wait, you know that song?“ Lúthien stared at him with wide eyes, „ I wanted to practice it, as it is one of my favorite piano pieces!“
„ i know, I recognized the melody as soon as you started with the first notes“, his gaze rested on the keyboard, „ I must say, I applaud your taste in music darling , as it is one of my favorites as well.“
And then he started playing. As his beautiful, long fingers danced over the keys, his shoulders and his whole face began to relax. This calm and peaceful expression filled Lúthiens heart up with an immense, deep feeling for the pale man sitting next to her, so much she felt herself almost exploding on the inside. He played the piece so beautifully, carefully distinguishing between the strong, forte parts and the more soft, piano ones. The melody was like a wave he managed to draw flawlessly, so empathetic towards the intentions of each note, she was left speechless. She even thought she was sure she saw a small smile across his lips, while he was caught in the wave of the arpeggio phrases with his eyes closed.
This sight sent shivers down her spine and in that moment she wished nothing more than to be the piano, to be each key he touched.
She knew she loved him, a realization that hit her more calmly than she expected. It was just that she knew and now, she had just said it out in the open, at least to herself in her mind (which was quite the big step for her). 
„ Do you know what this piece is about?“ Astarion looked her in the eyes while playing the last notes, still lost in the melancholy of the tune. 
„I know it is called „ ,A Love Dream’“ Lúthien returned his gaze, eyes big and her whole body flushed, still flustered by her own realization.
„That is correct, dear“, his crimson eyes darted to her face and she couldn’t sit still, so she changed the position of her hands from the barrel to her thighs to the keys again just for the sake of moving some of her body, otherwise she was sure she would just jump at him and kiss him like an absolute mad woman, „ but do you know the whole story?“ 
„N-No“ Lúthien managed to get out. „ You know“, Astarion chuckles, „ its funny how just you practicing three simple notes got me thinking so deep about things I was almost a hundred percent sure I forgot that they existed. And that music, and playing the piano is still somewhat a part of me.. even after all this years of numbness.“  Lúthien couldn’t take her eyes of him and rested her hand onto his instinctively. At first she wanted to take it back to rest at her leg, but in that moment she knew she could stay there. 
„ The story of a Love Dream is obviously about love, darling“ Astarion continued with a slight tease in his warm voice and smirked at her, but without that usual mask, so she notices. „ but about all the ups and downs, and specially, what remains of all the feelings after the beloved has passed.“
Suddenly, he moves closer to Lúthien and grabbed her resting hand more firmly, which she appreciated greatly, as she was sure she couldn’t contain herself much longer. „ But what if-„ he almost whispered in her ear, his face terribly close to her neck and her lips- , „ what if someone finds love after they already died? How would that feel like? If someone were to compose this piece according to this paradox, what would the musical waves look like? The other way around?“ 
He was so close to her face, he looked so deeply into her with his ruby eyes, asking this question with a sincereness she couldn’t take it anymore. She knew he was asking about him, about her. About all of this. What this means he is feeling, as he couldn’t remember he felt that way in two hundred years. She grabbed his neck and drew him onto her lips and they kissed. He wrapped his arms around her back and pressed her onto him so hungrily, but also so gentle.
As they deepened their kiss further and further, already traveling their hands to the other persons clothes, desperately wanting to gain access to skin, Lúthien managed to answer him, looking into his eyes, short of breath, hot and with a big smile : „ I think such a composition would thrive off this paradox, because when the story starts with the deepest of all pain, the most happiness must be what fills the time after.“ He smiled at her back, a clear, honest and genuine happy smile that melted her away for good, „ I would like for us to write it.“ 
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utilitycaster · 10 months
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I feel like every time there’s an episode that highlights the ways in which Laudna’s character is hollow, we get the opposite moment from Ashton.
Like, Laudna has explicit reason to be pro-god, she was resurrected by one, her rant disregards a large chunk of what’s happened in-game and tries to make a point that fully eludes her.
On the other hand, Ashton’s anti-god/ pro-faith rant makes sense for the character. It’s also wonderful ironic, with the meta-knowledge of the Luxon being a sliver of divinity.
And then there’s the other moment, where Laudna has a conversation with Imogen in which they circle the same topics as always and end undecided about what they want for themselves.
Whereas Ashton has a conversation with FCG that highlights how far both have come as characters and how much their relationship has changed and exactly what each of them is fighting for.
I don’t know. Over and over again, I look at Laudna and Ashton and see two high-concept, aesthetic characters, and one found a way to be rooted in the world, and the other just… didn’t.
How many new NPCs does Ashton’s backstory bring to the game? A dozen? More? And Laudna has… Pate? She just feels so ungrounded and disconnected from the reality of the world.
Yeah...for what it's worth: I don't mind that Laudna doesn't have a pro-god stance. While I do think it's fair to say the gods have in fact done something for her, she spent very little time with Pike and it might not be on her mind. It's just...why would Laudna feel strongly about this at all. Why is she talking. Like, part of what was interesting about her in Hearthdell is that it's easy to see an argument for her fully siding with the villagers (after all, she also had an external force come into town and start fucking things up, was also overthrown by a mostly external group and returned to those who originally led it) but her attitude was "why are we dealing with this stupid bullshit when there's far greater things to worry about." Which was fascinating! And then she was betrayed by a member of the Vanguard! And then she comes back and she's furious and angry and upset...and then it just vanishes and she starts taking the opposite position for no apparent reason, and like, I know this is improv but she kept talking after like 2 or 3 glaringly obvious buttons on the conversation.
It would make perfect sense for Laudna to have the same position as Ashton, is the thing. "People have done harm in the name of the gods (Hearthdell) and I don't know if they've ever listened to me or intervened in my suffering, but Ludinus is doing incalculable harm on a much grander scale right, and we need to be against that, and I am open to the gods making their position more clear to me." Literally that's it.
As for the two...honestly I think the fact that Laudna...isn't high concept is the problem. Like, you can build a character on an aesthetic as a starting point. That's fine! But Ashton is not just punk in looks, but also punk in attitude. Taliesin asked the question "what would punk look like in Exandria" from a philosophical standpoint, worked with Matt to create a chaotic barbarian class, thought pretty extensively through the backstory that led them to the point where we see them at the start, has played a consistent throughline, and so when Ashton takes a stand it feels earned. With Laudna...the things that finally started to build during the Issylra arc (actually expressing unhappiness and anger, being upset with people on both sides of this argument) just vanished, and again, it increasingly seems true that almost all the work done was to support the aesthetic without then going back and weaving it into the story.
I will also add: I don't think having a ton of NPCs is important or a good metric - in fact there was a really good D&D court in which someone had a ton of NPCs in their backstory that their DM had asked them to tone down. I can think of plenty of characters who don't have a ton of NPCs in their backstory, either created by them or by Matt, who are great. Like, actually, part of the issue is again that Laudna is supposed to have this incredibly lonely, empty backstory, and we don't actually feel it. It's been so much tell and very little show.
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Someone Better-Part 3
Summary: Y/N and Fred grow closer
Warnings: None
Start here:
You wouldn't have been surprised if your heart beat right out your chest at that moment. How did you not notice Fred until now? How long had he been there? All night? Was he the one who carried you here? Your head swam as you tried to piece together the scant memories of yesterday's debacle.
Your answer came in the form of a lively Madam Pomfrey scurrying around the corner.
"Ah, you're awake, my dear," she addressed you, her voice startling Fred awake. "As is your stalwart companion."
Fred yawned, then stood, stretching his sore muscles.
The healer turned to him. "Will you be spending the day, too?"
He stopped mid-stretch, blinking, as if not quite comprehending the question.
"Im not releasing Miss Y/L/ N until tomorrow. Will you or will you not be staying, Mr. Weasley?" Madam Pomfrey repeated.
Fred looked at you. Then Madam Pomfrey looked at you. Time screeched to a halt. You crossed your arms, forming a barrier between you and your expectant audience, as heat rose up into your cheeks. Fred noticed your discomfort and looked away, taking a sudden, acute interest in the ceiling. Your chest tightened. Even after months of pushing him away and ignoring him, he still treated you with the same care and respect as he did that first night at the party and, really, every single day afterward.
"God, I'm such an idiot," you thought.
The healer cleared her throat. "An answer sometime today Miss Y/L/ N. I do have other patients."
"Oh--sorry--yes," you stammered.
At first, Fred thought he misheard you, but when you met his eyes and gave him a small smile, he almost did a little dance, but stopped himself, not wanting to seem too eager. Instead, he grinned wide. "Looks like you're stuck with me Madam," he addressed the healer.
"Very well," sighed Madam Pomfrey. "At least make yourself useful, Mr. Weasley, and go retrieve Miss Y/L/N some breakfast. The meal delivery is late. Again."
~•~
Fred had pulled a small table next your bed so the two of you could sit across from each other during breakfast. He carried the brunt of the conversation, but you no longer trembled like a frightened rabbit.
"I--I'm really sorry for the way I've treated you these past few months," you apologized.
Fred waved it off. "I treated you like every other girl I've dated. But you're not like every other girl, are you?" He gave you a sheepish grin. "What do you say we call it even?"
"Ok. Yeah," you smiled.
~•~
Two months later
You and Fred agreed to be friends first and see where things went from there.
"I waited quite a while till you figured out what a catch I actually am," he'd said, giving her his trademark wink. "So I'm more than happy to wait a little longer to go any further."
"You're such a dork," you giggled, then placed your small hand over his large one. "But, thank you for being so patient with me."
He put his other hand on top of your's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
Now, after two months you were ready to take the next step. You knew he was more than ready. All you had to do was say the word.
~•~
Summer Break
It was the third time in two weeks Fred had come over to visit you. Today, he surprised you with a trip into muggle London for lunch and a bit of shopping.
"I think im gonna do it," you said, staring at the vast array of lip balms. "I’m gonna buy orange flavoured instead of strawberry this time." Fred wrapped his arms around you from behind and proceeded to kiss your neck, making you giggle. "You’re amazing, Y/N." Kiss. "A genius." Kiss. "Scientists are scared of you." Kiss. "Philosophers are terrified of your power." Kiss. "Men are in awe of you." Kiss. "And you’re all mine."
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tb5-heavenward · 1 year
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The Orion Protocol
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Act 1
Prologue
People are going to die on Mars.
But then, they're supposed to.
It's almost arguable that that's the entire point of sending people to colonize the Red Planet---to make a new place for humans to live their lives to their ultimate conclusion and to create a foundation for generations to follow. The first pioneers, the people who will beget life on another planet; all of them are supposed to die on Mars.
By their bones buried or their ashes scattered, human lives, ended and spent, will be a measurement of the success of the colony's efforts. Earth is a planet rich in ghosts, where the dead outnumber the living tenfold. But the dead are not a native commodity on Mars, and the Red Planet has no ghosts of its own---until the day it does.
As of November 19th, 2061, there are just shy of ten billion people alive on Earth. There are 400 people alive on Mars.
There are meant to be 401.
1.
"Astronauts don't murder people."
By the tone of Lady Penelope's answering sigh, Scott gets the idea that she's not really interested in treading over this particular patch of philosophical ground. He sees Penelope so often in hologram that it's easy to forget just how arrestingly pretty she is in person. She's no less so than usual today, today being a chilly English afternoon in late November. But it's possible that there might be the slightest hint of strain, tension, just around her eyes. And they narrow, just slightly. The way she lifts her teacup to her lips somehow makes it plain that it's an act of mercy that she does so.
His brother probably doesn't hear the whistle of a bullet, dodged, as Penelope takes a sip of lightly sweetened Earl Grey, instead of tearing John in half, conversationally, for the capital crime of interrupting her.
But then, John rarely sees anyone in person, so perhaps it's understandable that he wouldn't pick up on it. Penelope's got a particular subtlety about her when she's especially annoyed, and when John really gets riled up about something, he doesn't always realize when he's being annoying.
And he must be really riled up at this, because he's being especially annoying---almost belligerent---as he takes note of Penelope's frustrated sigh and Scott's deliberate lack of comment and insists again, "Well, they don't."
Scott reaches for the double espresso parked just beyond the edge of his plate, lately emptied of a dense and buttery scone, complete with clotted cream and jam. At his elbow, his brother still hasn't touched a flaky piece of pain au chocolat, nor his cup of Orange Pekoe, probably gone cold by this point. This might be down to the fact that what was meant to be a friendly rendezvous with Lady Penelope has instead turned into a secret meeting about a secret murder on Mars, and now into a moral debate about the likelihood of a specific subset of humanity to commit said murder.
Being the only astronaut at the table, John seems to feel as though he's obligated to mount a staunch defense of the character of his colleagues. Scott's inclined to think he's taking it a little personally.
But then, maybe that's understandable, too. Not seeing John in person nearly as often as he should, it's easy to forget that off the clock and on the ground, John's more than capable of a certain vehemence. Maybe the death of a fellow astronaut is just an item on the very short list of things John will take personally. Something that seems like just a shame to the rest of the world might be something more like a tragedy, for John.
The news is a few days old by now, and it's not like Scott hasn't heard about it. Everybody has; the first colonist to die on Mars, and only four months after the initial wave of settlers had arrived with the transport ship Helios. Details as reported Earthside are limited by the relatively narrow availability of communication with the Martian Colony. There've been memorials and tributes to the colonist in question, though the cause of his death hasn't publicly been described as anything other than the result of a technical mishap. Media speculation is predictably ugly and rampant, but it's still just speculation, and generally held to be in extremely poor taste. Lady Penelope's usually well above influence by such forces.
After all, strictly speaking, from over a hundred million miles away, there's no way to know that it was murder.
Or what it's got to do with International Rescue if it was.
The bottom of Penelope's teacup hits her saucer. Blue eyes lock with green across a windowside table in a quaint, charming little tea room in the nearest village to Creighton-Ward Manor. The fact that the place is virtually empty, Scott suspects, has more do with the secretive, knowing smile that Penelope had offered their hostess, and the heavy looking envelope she'd laid on the counter before they'd taken their seats. This is saying nothing of the fact that Parker stands outside, staunchly guarding the door. Aside from the initial service of tea and homemade sandwiches, scones and pastries and jam on cheerily mismatched china, the staff have been curiously remote, none of the usual hovering attention of waitstaff to their patrons. Scott gets the idea that this is an arrangement Penelope's made use of before.
And her voice is as sweet and smooth and chilled as the cream on the tea tray as she begins, "John, darling. For the sake of your apparently intractable sensibilities, I shall henceforth make the distinction that it was technically a colonist who's committed the act aforementioned, and not, if we're being strictly technical, an astronaut per se. Regardless, the facts of the matter remain, there has been a murder on Mars."
Before Scott can even raise an eyebrow at this, John's retrieved a slim silver tablet from his pocket and laid it atop the table, his fingers flickering across the surface to pull up relevant details. And he answers back, still waspish and defiant as he elucidates what he must think is a blindingly obvious truth, "People die in space. Space is dangerous. Accidents happen."
Scott watches his brother skip past a handful of news articles about the incident in question and then discard these in favour of something else. What he projects up into the air above the detritus of their afternoon tea is nothing like the sensational coverage that most of the media had been preoccupied by. What John's brought to bear on the argument at hand is the actual incident report, complete with the holographic WWSA encoded seal in the top corner. "And this was an accident," he asserts.
Penelope appears utterly unsurprised by the appearance of what are probably highly classified official documents from the World Wide Space Agency. Scott is slightly less than unsurprised, and can't help a groan in his brother's direction. "Are you supposed to have those?" he asks.
"I got curious. I called in a favour," John replies glibly, with the sort of easy avoidance of the question that doesn't actually get past his older brother, so much as it's temporarily permitted to slide. John taps a finger on his tablet again and pulls up a complex electrical schematic. "There was a technical failure of an airlock on one of their habitation pods, one engineer was killed by sudden depressurization. Personnel investigated and put it down to an isolated equipment malfunction. The appropriate steps were taken to verify that it was an individual fault and not a systemic problem." He glares at Penelope, plainly irritated with their London agent as he goes on, "It wasn't a murder, it was an accident. And it's an insult to every last person who undertook this mission---not to mention the man killed in its course---that you'd suggest otherwise. Maybe you've let yourself be taken in by the sensationalism in the media coverage, Penelope, but this is the actual report. And I thought better of you than to believe you'd settle for anything less."
Scott's been on the receiving end of enough of John's categorical shutdowns to feel like this must necessarily put an end to the matter. But Penelope hasn't even blinked and doesn't seem surprised in the least by the official version of events.
"That," she corrects, with an icy gleam in her eyes as she pulls out her own tablet and hands it across the table, "is the official statement as relayed to the WWSA via the World Wide Space Station. It is explicitly intended as a cover up. This is the report that was encrypted and embedded within the same, along with a missive from the Mission Commander---submitted to WWSA high command under the Orion Protocol."
Whatever this means to John is lost on Scott, but he doesn't miss the way his brother's eyes widen slightly. John takes the tablet and starts to skim through its contents. Scott watches as his younger brother sits back in his chair, lapsing into what seems like a fairly troubled silence as he reads the provided report. For lack of another likely opportunity, Scott takes advantage of the distraction to steal his brother's pastry. Penelope takes another sip of tea. And a long minute of silence creeps by, as John does what he does best.
While John assesses the situation, out of the corner of his eye, with his mouth full of puff pastry and French chocolate, Scott covertly assesses his brother.
Scott doesn't spend a lot of time in John's company. They talk to each other every day and some days it seems like every hour, but as far as time spent together---John's actual presence is a relatively scarce commodity in Scott's life. Still, he's known John for a quarter of a century and even in spite of their usual distance, in person, Scott's got an innate sense of when his brother's been rattled. And something about this is getting to him, though at first blush it's not entirely clear what or why.
For lack of information, Scott swallows, and clears his throat in a silence that's slowly growing awkward. There's an obvious question that needs asking and he feels a little dumb for being the only one who needs to ask it, "...what's the Orion Protocol?"
"Break glass in case of mutiny," John mutters absently in answer, not looking up from poring over the provided report.
Penelope sighs again and from the way she glares at John (and goes ignored), it's possible she considers this a rather shallow interpretation of the actual facts. "Essentially. The Commander has reason to believe there may be an extant threat to her command of the mission, and in this case a threat to her life. The Orion Protocol is a means to covertly request urgent intervention from those in authority."
"What's this got to do with you, though?" Scott asks, and refrains from asking what this has to do with him, by extension. He can probably guess what this has to do with him, because it's bright red, fifteen stories tall, and he's one of the few people in the world who know how to fly it. More importantly, it can reach the Red Planet within the span of twenty-four hours. "This is something that happened over a hundred million miles away, Lady P. Kinda seems like it must be out of your jurisdiction."
"I haven't got a jurisdiction." Lady Penelope's tone remains vaguely peevish as she corrects him on that point. "In this case, the WWSA reached out to the GDF, and the GDF reached out to me, to discreetly request your services. Not---and this is an important distinction---International Rescue's services. Not Thunderbirds One and Five. Your services, as Scott and John Tracy. This is an incredibly sensitive matter and it needs looking into. Therefore, this is a liaison. I'm liaising."
That's a new one. It might be the double espresso, but in spite of himself, Scott feels a flutter of something like anxiety. He glances at John, hoping to gauge his brother's read on the situation, but John's still transfixed by the information he's been provided. Scott clears his throat a little awkwardly. "Uh. Well, Virg and Gordon are a bit more on model for Frank and Joe Hardy, as far as mystery solving brotherly duos, but---I mean, it's not really what we do, Penelope. If somebody official needs a lift, we can try and hook them up, but I know for a fact that the WWSA has at least a couple spacecraft capable of making the trip at comparable speeds. We'd save them a day or two, maybe---or a week if it's the bureaucracy of an unplanned launch that's the holdup. I guess I'm not sure why you're talking to us at all. Why can't they sort it out themselves?"
John's capacity to pay attention to more than one thing at once is one of the reasons he's Thunderbird Five in the first place. He's apparently been listening well enough that he glances up at Scott's question, but he looks to Penelope as he answers, "Because they don't want to admit that it's happened. They can't. 'Murder on Mars' sounds great on the front of a tabloid, a hundred and forty-four million miles away, but on Mars, it's basically a nightmare scenario. A death this early in the colony's history---an accident is bad for morale as it is, but that's still just life in space. Accidents happen. But if that tiny pool of colonists has to contend with the notion that one of their community is a murderer?" John shakes his head and repeats himself for emphasis, "Nightmare."
Penelope's nod is brief, but there's no denying the triumph in her smile as John comes around to her view of the situation. If she were less than a lady, it might even be somewhat smug. "See? John understands. I knew you'd get there eventually, darling."
John's always been a big picture kind of guy. That's just another reason he's Thunderbird Five. In spite of the fact that it's a rather impersonal reading of the scenario, it's always been something Scott appreciates and admires about his brother; that John can see the whole of a situation, and doesn't let his heart rule his head.
Still. Sitting next to his brother, Scott's getting the distinct sensation that this scenario might present an exception to the rule. Nightmare is a strong sort of word, from John. Scott's curious why he'd use it.
If Penelope notices, she doesn't seem unduly diverted, and there's a certain intensity to her as she continues, "Someone's deliberately made this look like an accident, and it's too great a risk for Commander Travers to acknowledge it was anything but, even if her suspicions are otherwise. The implication inherent in the Orion Protocol is that there's someone within her command structure that she believes she cannot trust. If she were to force the issue, or if the WWSA turns up out of the blue to investigate, they risk panic amongst the colonists, and could potentially force this individual into taking drastic action. She needs help. And that, after all, is the essence of what you do. By several degrees of separation, on behalf of the citizens of Mars, I'm asking if you and John would be willing to look into the matter."
Well. There it is.
And if Scott's honest with himself, he can't pretend he doesn't feel a little flicker of excitement at the intrigue of the idea. There's no question that what's happened is a tragedy, but tragedy is more or less their family's bread and butter. His family's uniquely suited to tragedy. Penelope's not wrong---helping people is the essence of what they do---but more than that, this is a matter of a question to be answered, a problem to be solved. Both of these are things that John excels at. Big picture, there are plenty of reasons why he and his brother are perfect for this job, and they're starting to stack up at the back of Scott's mind; just the same as they must have stacked up for Penelope. And if the big picture is obvious to Scott, then it's gotta be obvious to John.
But before Scott can say so, John surprises him. He puts Penelope's tablet back down on the tabletop and gets abruptly to his feet, his chair scraping on the hardwood floor of the almost empty tea room. "No," he says, in a voice that's just a little too loud for the space that they're in, "That isn't what we do."
Then he pulls his coat off of the back of his chair and makes straight for the exit, without a further word.
2.
It's not often that John wishes he knew less about a situation.
It's not often he completely shuts down someone asking for his help, either.
And especially not when that someone is Lady Penelope, but what's done is done and the fact remains; John's walking away from this one.
Literally, in this case.
Just to make sure his position is absolutely crystal clear.
He pushes through the front door of the tea room and out onto the high street of the small village. Parker doesn't stop him, apparently more concerned with keeping people out than keeping them in. Beneath grey skies, the day is cool and damp, dreary with the threat of rain. Nodding to Parker as he pulls on his coat, John picks a direction, and heads down the sidewalk at a brisk pace, before Scott can follow.
The breeze is chillier than what could strictly be considered bracing, but John still pretends he's only stepped outside because he needs a breath of fresh air.
He does, anyway. Need some air. And Scott won't follow him. Not right away, at least. They know each other better than that. John's aware that he's got time to walk this off. And he needs to walk this off.
The high street is narrow between tightly packed buildings, white walls beneath dusty red shingles, with one edifice or another occasionally framed in stark black timber. John's not really paying attention, and he walks more quickly than he probably needs to. It's not like he's running away, or anything. It's just that he needs time and space in order to collect his thoughts. The road slopes gradually upward and curves away in a subtle arc. At the speed he walks, it's not long before the inner track of it takes him out of sight of the tea room.
He slows down slightly, then. Shortens his long-legged stride to half the length of the paving stones on the sidewalk, deliberately pacing himself. And then shivers in a way that has nothing to do with the cold.
John wishes he didn't know about the murder on Mars.
It's an ugly enough thought that it makes him feel a little bit sick inside, almost dizzy, like a sudden attack of vertigo. Although, in fairness, it's hard to say how much of that is down to the gravity of the situation, as opposed to just plain old, actual gravity, up to its usual malicious tricks. He's only been down for a couple days. The nausea might just be some latent jet lag, the result of jumping halfway across the world from the island, when Scott insisted they should to pay a visit to Penelope. Well, now he knows what that had been about. Really, he shouldn't be jet-lagged. TB5 runs on the same timezone as England, GMT, Coordinated Universal Time. Theoretically, this is his own timezone, but that doesn't seem to matter. Practically, he's been awake for something like a full twenty-four hours, and hasn't eaten much more than a chicken salad sandwich in the past eight of those. Realistically, there are plenty of reasons for the way he feels ill.
Instinctively, though, John thinks it's probably got more to do with the murder.
John's always been capable of a certain personal detachment from the sort of work he does. It's part of the reason he excels at it. He's able to consider any number of objectively horrifying scenarios calmly and in the abstract, as questions to be answered and problems to be solved, objectives to be met. If they're the sorts of things that keep him up at night later on, that's just because he's only human. What matters is that in the moment, he's reliably capable of keeping a handle on everything.
This, though. This is something that drills down through all his hardwired composure and abstraction; breaks through to the bedrock of what he does---and a not insubstantial aspect of who he is---and leaves a great, gaping crack. And it exposes a deep, dark void of terror, something he's always known was there, but which he almost never taps into. He hadn't realized something like this could touch on such a fundamental fear.
This is something he needs to walk off. So he keeps walking.
There aren't many people out on the high street, between the weather and the time of day, he doesn't pass anyone on the sidewalk. His pace is growing brisk again; his anxiety tells in the way he walks a little too quickly, and he has to slow down. Not that there's anyone around to notice. Further up and on the other side of the narrow street there are a few cars parked, but for the most part, he's alone. John glances back as he stops to turn up the collar of his coat against the wind, blustering between the buildings as they start to space out a little bit---but he can't see anyone following him past the curve of the road at his back. Every passing minute increases the likelihood that FAB1 will come prowling down the street, and then he'll have to explain himself, but for the moment he's still alone with his thoughts, and he's not about to turn back. He keeps going and keeps thinking.
It's just that it's abhorrent, is what it is.
That's what makes his stomach twist and his chest tighten, what makes him have to swallow against the pressure in his throat---the sheer horror at the very thought of it. Murder. On Mars.
A tornado or an earthquake---or a Martian dust storm---that's just nature. The most important thing to know about natural disasters is that they're just natural. They just happen, there's nothing like discretion or discrimination in a tsunami or a mudslide. Industrial accidents, equipment failures, hell, even just plain old, run of the mill stupid bloody idiocy---those sorts of things are worse, in most ways, but they're usually still accidents. They're nothing like this.
This is cold-blooded, deliberate murder, with malice aforethought. John had read Dr. Sandra Travers' plea for help and felt cold starting to creep up his spine. He'd read her secret report of the truth of the incident, and then he'd read it again, and by the third time he'd expected to be able to detach himself from the feeling of numb horror, but he just couldn't quite shake it. The words still cut down to the bone, struck down to bedrock. Evidence of expert tampering. Something made to look like an accident. The sort of thing that would have passed for an accident, except some quintessential sixth sense had told her to look closer. Her suspicions were roused mostly on the grounds that the place where the airlock had failed had been a place where she was meant to be, and that it was instead an innocent and unlucky engineer who'd fallen victim to a trap, made all the more horrifying by its essential cleverness.
Caught up in his thoughts, which circle and spiral around words he'd read too many times, John stumbles a little on a crack in the sidewalk. He puts it down to a fifty-fifty split between vertigo and existential horror, and then looks up and back again, trying to work out how far he's come.
The buildings around him have turned from the prim white-paint exteriors of the main drag to the rusty reds of exposed bricks and mortar, a more residential part of town, already near to the outskirts. John slows down as he comes to a cross street, and realizes he's gone further than he meant to. He stops and, catching himself a little bit out of breath, sits down atop a low brick wall edging up on someone's front garden.
This is ridiculous.
He doesn't know how the hell they're supposed to "look into" a murder without anybody realizing it's a murder, anyway. He doesn't even know what Penelope wants, exactly, or why she's asking, or why this should be his problem, or his brother's. It's not what they do. It's just not. And they're not going to do it, anyway, so that's that. Someone else can deal with it, and he can go back to believing the cover up, and given time, perhaps he can convince himself that it's what's actually happened.
He's still trying to talk himself past the niggling little voice of his conscience, when Scott turns up. It's about ten minutes later and it's started to rain.
Scott's got an umbrella, a big black domed thing that looks like it'll stand up to whatever dolourous old England has to throw at it. Probably on loan from Parker. Probably John should've thought of that. Because raindrops patter stubbornly on black nylon, but Scott stays perfectly dry. By contrast, a drop of icy water falls squarely down the back of John's neck.
Scott's also got a scruffy old bomber jacket, formerly their father's. Rain would run off its smooth leather surface even without the umbrella. Its lining is plush and thick and fleecy, and thus Scott's turned up collar does substantially more against the cold and the wind than even John's good winter trench coat, in its navy blue cashmere.
And Scott just stands on the sidewalk, doesn't make a move to offer his umbrella, or join John where he sits on the low garden wall, because with a ratio of 4:1 vs John's 3:1, Scott's got him soundly beat as far as asshole-big-brother cred. That's just math. And whatever the scenario, John's always well-aware of the math. Eventually Scott clears his throat and breaks his silence.
"I told Penny you're probably just jet-lagged," Scott announces cheerfully, his voice just as warm and dry as he looks beneath his umbrella.
The way he feels isn't jet-lag. "Did she believe you?"
Scott grins, because they both know the answer. "Not even a little. So I said it was probably some astronaut thing, and that we'd both get some fresh air, walk it off, talk it over, take the rental car and meet her back at the manor."
It's starting to get clammy on the inside of John's collar and he shivers again. This time it's because of the cold. "And you left the rental car ten minutes' back up the road because...?"
"John, if you wanted to sit and talk in the rental car, your melodramatic ass could've waited by the rental car."
"I wasn't about to ask for the keys."
"And ruin the high drama of your sudden and extremely rude little exit? No, of course not. You'd have had them in the first place if you hadn't let your driver's license expire."
Embarrassed now, John shrugs and pushes a hand through his hair, sweeps it off his forehead as the rain starts to weigh it down. "Yeah, maybe."
He doesn't know what else to say and so he doesn't say anything else.
Initially Scott just peers at him, and though he's broken the ice with the usual brotherly banter, he's plainly at least a little concerned. Probably with good reason. After a while he scuffs the toes of his boots on the sidewalk and then clears his throat a little awkwardly. "Hey. Uh, real talk for a minute, though. John---you okay?"
John deflects the question as a matter of reflex. "I'm wet and cold."
Scott rolls the handle of his umbrella lightly back and forth in the palm of his hand, the shaft of it resting against his shoulder, and his other hand tucked snugly in the pocket of his jacket. "Yeah, well. That's because when something rattles your cage, your standard M.O. is 'leave immediately and go as far away as possible.' You've been doing this since you were four. I'm just lucky gravity kept you from hauling your scrawny ass up a tree. C'mon, John, talk to me. I didn't know this would bother you so much."
John fidgets slightly and pushes his hands into his own pockets, mirroring Scott. His shoulders hunch a little bit against the rain and the cold, and he's aware that he must look miserable as he answers, "I guess I didn't either."
"What's wrong?"
What's wrong is the fact that John wants to wind his life backward by an hour, to before he'd been confronted with the notion that someone at the bleeding edge of humanity's best and furthest efforts into space exploration so far could be possessed of the will and the capacity and the desire to commit murder. That one of the best and brightest examples of humanity beyond Earth would willingly jeopardize the integrity of an entire colony, could be willing to take the life of a fellow colonist. John wants to pretend that it isn't true, and that if he doesn't acknowledge it, it just won't be.
But he can't exactly admit that to Scott.
"I don't think we should do this."
Scott scoffs and just about rolls his eyes clean out of his head. "Really? Funny, that hasn't been even remotely evident in the way you're carrying on. Not at all. Nope. Would not have guessed."
The sarcasm is what gets John's own natural defenses to kick in. In spite of himself he starts to dig his heels in a bit, starts to push back against Scott's probing. "Well, I don't. We're not...this just isn't what we do. We shouldn't be involved, we can't handle this. We've got no business---"
"See, I disagree with you there," Scott interjects, but he makes the charitable move of coming a little closer with his umbrella and holding it at such an angle so as to deflect the worst of the wind and rain. It also forces John to look up at him, as Scott goes on, "Someone needs our help. Penelope's right; that's what we do. Knowing someone needs us and knowing we're able do something about it, whatever the circumstances, I think we've got an obligation to get involved. And Penelope makes a pretty compelling case for why we might just be the only people who can handle this."
"We're not---"
Scott cuts him off again, "We're not WWSA. We're not GDF. If we're not Thunderbirds One and Five, then we're Scott and John Tracy: the two eldest sons of the first man to walk on Mars, surrogate nephews to Captain Lee Taylor, lately retired to the Red Planet, and known eccentric multi-billionaires. We've got the means and the motive, if you'll pardon my phrasing. The opportunity is just a question of 'we're richer than a small country; we do what we want'. We're the sort of people who would go see Mars. I'd argue that as far as people who could, we're kind of the best possible option."
John makes a minor hypocrite of himself as he says, "The WWSA are the best possible option."
Scott gives him a look. This is another hand-me-down from their father. John's very rarely on the receiving end, and gets the reminder of just how spooky it is---just how much Scott looks like Dad, in moments like these. "You were the one who laid out the reasons why they aren't, actually, so I know you know that's a lie. And you left before she could say so, but Lady P says if we don't do this, then the GDF wants her to reach out to Francoise Lemaire."
This is the sort of statement that brute forces John into a spontaneous revision of his assessment of "The Worst Things That Could Possibly Happen on Mars."
And "Murder of one Martian colonist by another Martian colonist" is just narrowly edged out by "Murder of one Martian colonist by another Martian colonist necessarily investigated by That Insipid Fucking Moron Who Tried to Land a Yacht On Haley's Comet".
Which is horrifying to the point that John doesn't want to believe that could ever happen, either.
So it might be that he sounds a little more incredulous than he means to as he says, "You're not serious."
"Dead serious." Scott pauses to make sure John's been appropriately annoyed by the tastelessness of the pun, and then primly corrects himself, "I mean, if it makes you feel better, technically Penny'd be talking to Madeleine Lemaire---but husband and wife, you know, they're kind of a package deal. And you just know that the unfortunate other half of that partnership is gonna rock up to the Martian surface, park another big dumbass yacht on top of our dad's monument, and disembark wearing a deerstalker cap and brandishing a magnifying glass the size of his stupid face. He'll vlog the entire thing. Almost as good as being there yourself."
John glares at his brother, because by this point it's clear that Scott's being deliberately flippant in order to get a rise out of him. "This isn't funny."
Scott rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet and nods his agreement. The rain's let up, just a little, but the arrhythmia of raindrops on his umbrella still runs in counterpoint to their conversation. "No, it's really not. This is a very unfunny, shit-awful thing that's happened, and a hell of a complicated situation it's put these people into. But you're the smartest, unfunniest bastard I know, and so I can't imagine anyone better to help deal with it."
Dealing with it is the last thing John wants to do. But Scott's not going to let up, either. So he should probably at least try and explain the reasons. He's just not sure where to start.
Scott cedes the last bit of ground and takes a seat on the low stone wall, finally sharing his umbrella properly. It's too little too late, but the gesture still has its meaning. "I feel like you and me have faced up to worse things than this before, John. Hell, I know we have. I guess I just don't get why you're freaking out."
John still doesn't have an answer. He shifts uncomfortably where he sits and privately laments the fact that the hard edge of the brickwork coping is particularly painful when you're not someone who spends much time sitting down. The astronaut's equivalent of taking a load off is just drifting in neutral posture, floating in zero-G. He wants to make a remark to defuse some of the tension, some offhanded comment about how this is a literal pain in the ass, but it's an astronaut's joke, and it'll be lost on Scott.
It suddenly occurs to John that this might be the greatest part of the problem.
"...You told Penelope you figured this was 'probably some astronaut thing'?"
"Is it?"
John nods and scuffs the toes of his oxfords on the cement of the sidewalk at his feet. "Yeah. Probably more than you'd understand, since you're not---I mean, it's just how you aren't---like, you're space-rated, sure, but that's...I mean, that's just not---" he trails off, not sure if what he wants to say would be insulting, and despite Scott's occasional obnoxiousness, not actually wanting to insult his brother.
But Scott has him covered. "I moonlight," he supplies, with another situationally inappropriate grin. "I'm not a real astronaut."
"Right. And...there's just a lot to unpack, here. About all this, and the way it happened, and the fact that it happened at all. And the history of humanity on Mars, and the context...it's complicated. It's really complicated. It's bigger than it seems, it's more than just tabloid headlines that say 'Murder on Mars' and it's more than just the WWSA's reputation---it's...it's even more than the fact that one person's dead and that another person's in fear for their life. It's more than just a murder."
He's rambling, and Scott knows it, because there's the pressure of his elbow against John's ribs. It's not a reprimand so much as it is an acknowledgment that Scott's listening. He goes on to cough pointedly and affirm, "Yeah, I kinda got all that. Gimme some credit, John. I know this is a big problem, but we're not exactly strangers to big problems. You especially. So I guess I'm asking---what is this for you?"
John takes a deep breath, and does what he does best. He drills his way down to the bedrock, gets to the heart of the matter, and renders the situation into its fundamentals. "This scares me," he admits. "This really scares me."
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3.
John's not a coward. Far from it. Probably so far from it that he comes out the other side, and quietly exists as one of the bravest, toughest people Scott knows. For as much as their family pokes fun at John for existing high above and far away from the actual action---for as much as he himself can be self-deprecating on the same subject---the truth is, John's an astronaut. A real astronaut. John may not plumb the depths of abandoned uranium mines or get in scraps with supervillains at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but he does live his life at over seventeen thousand miles an hour, nearly three hundred miles a minute, five miles a second, in a bubble of air and heat and light and precarious safety. Sometimes with no more between him and the void than a spacesuit so tight that they tease him about that, too. And so the mundane reality of John's day to day existence is raw and perilous and courageous in a way that precludes him entirely from being a coward.
But the admission of fear isn't what makes a coward. And in situations where Scott's reacted with gut-impulse and instinct, he's always counted on his brother to have the big picture view. It's John's job to see the things that are worth being afraid of, before anyone else does. Fear is part of what John does. Maybe John's not wrong to think they shouldn't be involved. Maybe Scott should trust his brother's instincts.
But in spite of the gravity of John's confession, he doesn't seem to want to discuss it any further, and they make the walk back to the car in relative silence. When they get back to the tearoom, FAB1's already long gone, headed back to the manor. This might just be Penelope's equivalent of leaving in a chilly huff, making her irritation with John plain in a way that, once again, John probably just won't pick up on.
It's probably for the best they're not dependent on Penelope for a ride out to the manor. Scott can only imagine it would be an awkward tableau, the three of them in the back of FAB1. And he misses driving, to the point that landing TB1 at Heathrow and renting last year's Aston Martin---in a gleaming cobalt blue, with a leather interior and the sort of horsepower that feels comparable to a jet engine, even if he knows better---had seemed like an entirely justifiable luxury. It lies in wait, one of Scott's only natural predators, by the curb outside the tearoom. Raindrops glisten on its jewel-toned paint job and, despite everything else, the sight of it is enough to pick Scott's spirits up, just a little. So with that in mind, he attempts to lighten the mood.
"This is all mine and you don't get to drive it," he informs his brother, as is required in the time-honoured tradition of elder siblings lording their possessions over their younger. He clicks the key fob in his pocket and the car lets out a cheerful digital chirrup in greeting. He doesn't unlock it immediately, can't help but amble his way around the length of it, casting an appreciative eye over the curve of the hood as John watches him disapprovingly from the curb. "You get to ride in the passenger seat like a loser."
John just sighs and waits with pointed impatience for the passenger door to unlock. "Scott, I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm tired. At this point, I'll ride in the trunk if it gets me out of the rain."
Scott doesn't know what John's complaining about, as he's very generously permitted his brother to retain custody of the umbrella. "It's the 'boot', because we're in England. And I don't actually think you'd fit."
"Open the damn door."
Obliging, Scott lays an affectionate hand atop the roof of the car. As John folds up his umbrella and shakes it out before folding himself into the passenger seat, Scott gives the rooftop a fond little pat, and then climbs into the driver's seat himself. The interior is all graphite coloured leather and sleek, refined interfaces, assorted holograms and heads up displays in the same bright blue as the exterior. As he starts the car, one of these informs him that his connected personal phone has a message waiting.
John's already picked up Scott's phone from where he'd left it in the car's central console and he's thumbing his way past the lockscreen with a practiced ease. Scott's relatively certain there's not a single device in their family's collective possession that John wouldn't be able to hack his way into, given the time and the inclination.
Scott starts the car, pulls away from the curb, and cautions idly, "Mess with that if you really feel you need to, but I guarantee if you're not careful about where you poke around, you're gonna find something you won't like."
John ignores him and takes the high road, which apparently entails a minor reprimand, "You know, being who we are and doing what we do, you probably shouldn't leave your phone just lying in the car. And you should probably have Brains beef up your encryption to something it takes me more than a minute to get past."
"We were out for tea with Penelope. I didn't want to be interrupted." Scott shrugs as he threads the car back up the narrow high street, back in the direction they'd come, towards the outskirts of the tiny village. He's thinking of the open English motorways waiting ahead, the twenty or so miles that stretch between the village and Creighton-Ward Manor, as he answers, "Besides, if it's anything actually important, you know it's not me they'll call, John. You're basically never incommunicado. The day we can't get in touch with you is the day I'll worry. Relax."
"Why've you got a message waiting for you, then?"
"Dunno. But if it was important, you would've gotten it, is my point. QED."
John pulls up the message and reads through the time and origin and the details of the attached file. "...Virgil forwarded you something downloaded to the island's central comm hub, about twenty minutes ago. Low res video, less than a minute long."
The suspicion and creeping disdain in John's tone is something of an insult, but Scott doesn't actually know what the file could be. "Well, if it'd been from Gordon, then I'd tell you to shield your virgin eyes---but since it's Virg, I think you're probably safe. Open it up, I'm curious."
John's eyes flicker up from the phone in his hand, just as Scott clears the end of the high street and starts wending his way towards the nearest motorway, southward towards the manor. The engine gives a low, enthusiastic hum as they pick up speed. "It's raining, watch the road," his younger brother admonishes, unnecessarily, and then with a few deft gestures, broadcasts the video to the dashboard's main display.
Lee Taylor appears in gauzy and low-res hologram. His voice over the speakers is gruff and gravelly, but bluff and friendly as ever, if slightly distorted by the quality of the audio. It's a warm counterpoint to the patter of raindrops on the windows and the scrape of the windshield wipers. "Boys! Hullo from Mars! Scooter, Johnnycake, Virg, Gordo, Allie, hope you're all doin' well. You hear that? Got 'em in one. Tell Brian thanks for the list. Comms're all narrowband out here on the ol' Red Planet, so this'll be short, but it's been a while, so I thought I'd drop a line, letcha know how it's going. And I'll tell you what, this is probably just about the best damn call I ever made, sticking around out here. We've had two more waves of colonists come out, and a crew of surveyors on a two-year contract, and this place is really starting to look like somewhere worth seeing. It's beautiful, boys, and I just wanted to thank you all for bringin' me out. If you're all ever feelin' the need for a change of scenery---and I mean a hell of a change of scenery---we'd all just be properly damn tickled if you ever wanted to visit. Up in Three, wouldn't take much more'n a day. C'mon out, stay a while. Won't hear it said that us Martians ain't hospitable. Anyway. Don't get much more than a minute or two, so I'll wrap this up here. Your ol' Uncle Lee's doing just fine. Been thinking about your dad a lot these days, so I'm thinking about the five of you, too. Wouldn't say I miss Earth, but I sure do miss some of the Earthlings, and you boys most of all. Love to you all. Take care. Cap'n Taylor, signin' off."
The video itself is too blurry and grainy to really be worth paying attention to, even if Scott were the sort of person who'd take his eyes off the road. John, by contrast, watched the entire thing with a sudden intensity, and out of the corner of his eye Scott can see the way he's grown still. Unasked, he plays the call back over again.
As it ends for the second time, silence falls between them.
If they were to investigate a murder---and at this point it's not certain that they will, though Lady Penelope hasn't had a chance to take a second crack at John yet---then this would be the sort of thing that might just be tantamount to a clue. The first they've heard from Captain Taylor in the nearly four months since they left him behind, left him to his retirement, and to Mars. Only days since the first human being had died on Martian soil; not even an hour since Scott and John became privy to the truth of his murder, and out of the clear blue sky, their habitually reclusive surrogate uncle just happens to drop a message about how much he misses them and wishes they would visit.
Prior to discovering that Lee Taylor had taken up residence in a decrepit and abandoned base on the dark side of the Moon, the last time they'd heard from Lee Taylor had been their father's funeral. There's no question that the man is family and even if it's a truth usually unstated, no question that he loves all five of them like the sons he'd never had (nor particularly wanted). But he's still not what one would call casually chatty or tremendously affectionate.
So in the growing discomfort of their current silence, with his eyes still on the road, Scott has no choice but to point out the obvious.
"Oh," he says, in a very deliberate monotone. "What an absolutely mundane and totally probable coincidence. What a completely unsuspicious video message Captain Taylor's just sent us, in his usually gushy and sentimental fashion, asking us to drop a cool twelve million dollars' worth of TB3's flight hours on a round trip out to Mars. He's probably just bored---of the newest and furthest frontier in all of human history. He's probably just lonely---our wacky old uncle, who cheerfully lived alone on the Moon for six months, in a decommissioned moonbase with only a lunar rover for company. This probably has absolutely no bearing on our brief conversation about the sort of quote/unquote 'nightmare scenario' that scares the shit out of astronauts, in particular."
Beside him, John curses under his breath and Scott sees his fingertips drift to the bridge of his nose, pressure points at the inside corners of his eyes, indicative of what's probably a tension headache. Scott's probably not helping.
But given the matter in question, Scott doesn't particularly care. There's a quiet, treacherous part of him that's deeply annoyed with his brother for his reticence, for his refusal to even consider Penelope's request---for his fear. It's probably not to Scott's credit, but something just eats at him about the notion of John, giving in to fear.
John shifts in the passenger seat, tugs at his seatbelt as though he's suddenly feeling trapped by it. He fidgets and seems not to know what he should do with his hands. They toy with the controls for the passenger side window (childlocked, because Scott's an ass) then drift back to his seatbelt, and finally fall into his lap. He's oddly hesitant when he finally asks, "How could he know, though?"
"Know what?"
The hesitance doesn't last. It never does, when John's sure of something. "That it was murder. Commander Travers can't have told anyone else about the report she submitted. The Orion Protocol---when enacted, it's supposed to be completely secret. She wouldn't have told anyone else, and next to nobody knows about its existence. It's exclusively need-to-know, and if you're not the actual commander of a WWSA mission, then you don't need to know. It's like...I mean, you'd never heard of it. I only knew about it because I---"
"Because you're a real astronaut," Scott supplies, but there's a faint drawl of sarcasm there, this time.
There might be the faintest suggestion of hurt in the single beat of John's silence, before he continues, "---Because Dad told me about it, actually."
There's probably plenty that Dad shared with John and not Scott, on the subject of astronauts and their relative realness. That's fine. It brings Scott to his next point. "Yeah, well, I wonder what he'd think of this whole situation."
The pause is long enough to infer at least some margin of guilt. Scott watches the road and John watches raindrops streaking along the passenger side window, before he says, "I don't know. But if he asked me for my take on it, I'd say Lee's message is just exactly what it sounds like."
Scott doesn't like the sound of that. "My gut says this is Lee Taylor, asking for our help, John."
John shakes his head and then shrugs. "You haven't got the only read on him---if you ask me, he's a natural recluse who's retired to a community of four hundred complete strangers. Mars is---well, at the outset, Mars is going to be monotonous. Mars is about eking out survival right now, it's not a big grand adventure. It's the sort of exhaustive technical labour that he's meant to be retired from. This isn't...this isn't some coded distress call. Maybe this is just Uncle Lee, realizing that he's a hundred and forty million miles from home and that it isn't what he thought it would be. Maybe he'd rather pretend he misses us then admit that his era's over." John shrugs. "And if that's the case---well, he can wait a little longer, or he can admit he's made a mistake. He's made his bed, he can lie in it."
It's growing dark. The road lit up by his headlights is properly wet, as rain continues to soak the English countryside. The car is quick and snappy and responsive---and John's warnings for Scott to watch the road really are unnecessary, because the idea that Scott's driving this thing himself is an illusion. Scott can tell, because when he turns to stare at his brother in blank astonishment of what he's just heard, the steering wheel in his hands starts to drift just slightly to the left, and then gets sternly corrected beneath his grip, before the car can so much as start to skid.
John's just deliberately maligned one of his own biggest heroes, written Lee off as some washed-up old has-been, when nothing could be further from the truth. The man Scott had left on Mars had come bounding out of retirement, still fresh and spry and with renewed vigour, when asked if he could consult for International Rescue. He'd stood atop a ridge overlooking the Martian colony, watching a new generation lay their own first footprints in the dusty red soil. Scott had watched Lee Taylor come back to life again, at the prospect of starting fresh, beginning a whole new life on Mars.
Real astronaut or not, John hadn't been there. John doesn't know. What John's just said---the excuse he's just concocted in order to pretend their uncle's call for their help is anything but the obvious---is fear talking.
And Scott hates that thought just about as much as John must hate the thought of what they've been asked to do.
To borrow another trait of their absent father's, Scott's not mad. But he sure as hell is disappointed. And he wonders what their dad would have to say about this. A solid minute of silence passes between him and his brother, before Scott clears his throat.
"I've never had to tell you this before," he says finally, and is grateful that he has the road to stare at, instead of his younger brother, as he says what he needs to say, "---but you're not a coward, John. You're one of the bravest people I know. And I hope I know you better than to believe what I'm hearing, when I listen to you trying to make excuses not to help somebody."
The silence that falls after that statement is the sort that can't be broken.
4.
They arrive at Creighton-Ward manor in frigid silence and receive a similarly chilly reception. Apparently Lady Penelope is possessed of some unspecified but sufficiently pressing personal matter to attend to, and so it's Parker who greets John and his brother when they pull up to the front door. More probably her ladyship is stewing about the fact that all her delicate liaising hasn't resulted in a liaison, but John doesn't care. If Scott cares it's not apparent. If Parker has an opinion on the matter at all, he keeps it entirely to himself.
And if he makes any note of the fact that the pair of them aren't speaking to one another, Parker also makes no comment, and only tells them to leave their overnight bags in the front hall, and that he'll settle them somewhere comfortable to await her ladyship's pleasure.
He escorts them inward to one of the manor's myriad sitting or drawing or parlour rooms, though upon review, this one might actually be a study. The room is paneled all in dark wood and stuffed with heavily bound books, a pair of massive leather chesterfields, scattered club chairs, and assorted century-old pieces of art and statuary that contribute to the manor's stolidly dignified aesthetic. Scott excuses himself to find the nearest of probably a dozen bathrooms. John's left alone to pretend he's interested in reading the gold-embossed titles of books that probably haven't left their shelves since people preferred to read the printed word as printed on actual paper.
Eventually, playing the courteous host in Penelope's stead, Parker returns to ask if John would perhaps care for a drink. When the answer is a wearily affirmative "Yes, please" Parker seems to take it as an indication that this should be a double, and brings a highball glass filled with ice, vodka, and just enough tonic water to suggest that the latter was added only an afterthought. And a wedge of lime.
This is probably unwise.
Astronauts don't murder people and astronauts don't drink.
...or, anyway, they don't drink in space. Or, anyway, John doesn't. He has an up-and-down tolerance and an on-and-off relationship with alcohol, to go along with his up-and-down lifestyle and on-and-off relationship with Earth. And right now, recently returned to the ground after a three month rotation as he is, this tolerance is down. And he's aware of the fact.
But provided with a vodka tonic, proportioned generously in favour of the vodka over the tonic, and left alone to wait for either Scott or Penelope to turn up, John decides that this has been the sort of day that demands a drink at its end. Alone with his thoughts once again, John permits himself a tired sigh and retreats to an arm chair in the corner of room, near a thick-paned, leaded window. There's a ficus and a tiffany lamp and a bronze bust of a bearded and behatted man, sat atop a pedestal. The window is curtained in heavy, dark green fabric, and outside the rain continues, drenching the grounds outside. It seems to be a dark little corner of the manor specifically appointed for brooding, and John would hate for it to go to waste.
Especially when the thoughts he's been left alone with are mostly to do with what Scott's had to say to him.
Not a coward.
Well, no. He's not and he knows that, doesn't need Scott to tell him so. Doesn't need anyone to tell him so, because it's just an empirical fact. John's proven himself the equal of his brothers, on more than one occasion, at least as far as thrilling heroics are considered. Their grandmother's said it of her boys that they've all got bravery bred right into their blood, but that none of it could possibly have come from her side of the family, for as frightening as it can be to watch them work, sometimes.
But if he's honest with himself, John's aware that he hasn't really made himself face up to what he's actually afraid of, as far as this situation's considered. He'd just had the initial shock of fear and horror and hadn't attempted to understand it at all. Scott had tried and failed to press for a clearer explanation, but John hadn't wanted to discuss it any further, and especially not in the cold and the rain. Now he's warm and dry and safe, and with a stiff drink slowly emptying into him, gently ebbing away some of the essential tension---John tentatively starts to try and get his head around the problem.
Because there's a difference between what's frightening and what's dangerous. And despite everything, it's not the danger of confronting a killer that frightens him. His family has no shortage of experience with dangerous people---they have a nemesis, after all---and there's a certain hardening of the heart that happens, when faced with the reality that there are people who want to do him and his loved ones harm. John's got a wary respect for the people who've tried to hurt his family, but he wouldn't call it fear.
In this case, he's less afraid of the murderer than he is of the murder.
Because it's what he'd tried to explain to Scott; that there's more to it than that. That the first death in this planet's history could be at the hands of a colonist---it's the sort of thing that could mar the Martian legacy irrevocably. It could be the thread that causes the whole colony to unravel.
The Helios Mission took a decade to plan. The people the WWSA sent to Mars are the best and brightest examples of what humanity has to offer. They were carefully chosen from a pool of thousands of applicants, expertly vetted and thoroughly trained. They're all meant to be dedicated, wholly and completely, to their new lives as the first citizens of Mars. The colony is more to them than it is to the people watching it from Earth---for the people who live there, it's their home, their entire future.
And one of them has been willing to throw it all away, by killing one of their comrades. Something's malfunctioned on a fundamental level, if someone so carefully chosen could go so wrong. In a pool of about four hundred people, one life seems as though it counts for more than it does on Earth. A murder on Mars is just worse, for so many reasons.
Almost no one on Mars even knows that it's happened. And they won't, unless it happens again.
And there's only one sure way to stop it from happening again.
John's glass on the table at his elbow is empty by the time Scott comes back to the room.
The spot John's chosen is in a little alcove by a bay window, and there's an empty wingback chair across from his. Scott crosses the room and drops into this, heaving a sigh as he does so. He has no drink of his own, and he eyes John's emptied glass with moderate suspicion, but doesn't comment. He doesn't actually seem moved to say anything at all, because he just hasn't, ever since he'd had the last word on the drive to the manor.
It's an unfortunately effective tactic, even against John, who's had more years than the rest of his brothers to build up his resistance to the natural inclination to fall in line with whatever Scott says, just because Scott's the one who said it.
You're not a coward, John.
Scott's inherited a set of incredibly high standards from their father, and he demands no more of the people around him than he does of himself. It's his best and worst quality, the idealism that means he can't understand when not everyone holds the exact same values and priorities that he does; that not everyone holds themselves to the height of the same standard.
So, sometimes literally, Scott just pushes people. He always has, and it's almost the most annoying thing about him.
The actual most annoying thing about him is that, generally speaking, Scott also knows exactly when people need to be pushed.
And equally, he knows exactly when to back off the pressure, so that the lack of it will make its apparent necessity into something to be ashamed of.
Or at least that's how John feels in the face of his brother's continued silence.
John's very rarely the subject of this sort of treatment, and between two generous shots of top shelf Russian vodka and his big brother's dense, disappointed stare, it's maddeningly effective. Bright-eyed and more than a little less inhibited than usual, John can't help but break the silence, and admit to the truth that's been dogging him ever since the tearoom.
With a deep breath, wishing his glass wasn't empty, he starts, "Scott, it's just...it's just how I wish I didn't know it happened. I didn't want to believe it, when Penny said...said there'd been a murder. It's Mars. That's not supposed to happen on Mars. This is supposed to be a whole new frontier, as close to a blank slate as humanity will get. This is supposed to be our species, gaining our first foothold in the solar system. This is---was---so big and beautiful and complicated and important---and so, so many years in the making...and having to know that someone would throw all that away---"
"No one's thrown anything away yet," Scott interrupts. "You're talking like this is already the end, like the whole thing's been tainted and won't ever be okay again. It's bad. I get that. But you're talking like it's enough to completely scrub the entire colony, and John, I just think people are just tougher than that. These people especially."
This needles at that deeper, darker place, the void of fear down below the bedrock, and John shakes his head. "Somehow one of these people is a murderer. Worse, the sort of murderer who plans a murder. Did you read that report? Evidence of expert tampering. This isn't something that happened in the heat of a moment, or in self-defence or...or for any reason I could possibly justify. I can't comprehend how this was even possible, how someone could've slipped past all the vetting and screening and precautions the WWSA takes, to make sure that the sort of people they send to Mars are the sort of people who can handle it. The sort of people who won't do this. What does it mean if one of them's just snapped?"
Maybe it means that Mars is just too much. Maybe it means that there's a limit to what even the best and brightest people can endure, if one of them could deliberately kill another, and could jeopardize the mission as a whole, by leading the commander to believe there's a threat to her life. Maybe it means that there's a limit to what humanity can take, and that this sort of distance and isolation from Earth is dangerous in a way that no one's perceived, the sort of thing that strikes down to bedrock and breaks people open, reveals something dark and terrible.
"It means someone has to find them and stop them, before it happens again," Scott answers evenly, missing the existential interpretation of the question, in favour of what's straightforward, practical, and probably true. He sits leaning back in his chair, secure and calm and confident, and apparently unafraid. Whether this is courage or bravery or just an incompleteness of the understanding necessary to be afraid, Scott's still looking at John like he expects at least one of the above.
And then he says the only thing that could possibly decide the matter---
"---and I've already told Penelope that I'm going to go."
John doesn't flinch at that, but it's a near thing. Instead he stares at his empty high-ball---a heavy, crystalline vessel of cut glass---and the light shining through it, breaking the low gleam of the lamp at his elbow into a complex refraction on the table top. Eventually, because it's his job, he starts to go through the roster, "You're not taking Alan."
This is just a statement of fact, because even if Scott doesn't feel the same deep sense of dread that John does, there's still no way he's bringing their youngest brother into the presence of someone who might threaten his life. "Well, to be more accurate, Alan's not taking me; I'm taking his spaceship and taking myself. But yeah, no. I'll work up some excuse to keep him home. Can't tell him what this is about. He'd probably take it worse than you have."
"Gordon would be a loose cannon."
Scott chuckles. "Gordon wouldn't be able to decide if he wanted to be the good cop or bad cop, not that there's supposed to be a good cop or a bad cop, so much as a pair of hotshot rich kids swanning around Mars like it's a tourist attraction, by way of a cover. Ironically, he'd be good at that. But no, not Gordon. Gordon won't take this seriously."
Right. Because Scott's been taking this so seriously. Scott reliably needs someone to balance him out, headstrong and impetuous as he is. This usually falls to Virgil, but---
"Virgil still can't reliably break Low Earth Orbit without breaking out in hives and hyperventilating."
"Mars would be murder for Virgil."
John glowers at his brother, and if Scott got their father's voice, then John has echoes of their mother's, that don't-make-me-come-up-there, you're-pushing-it-buster, put-your-brother-DOWN type of voice that warns away from the danger zone. "You really have to fucking stop that."
Scott shrugs. It's that same flippancy again, the sort that the eldest employs when he wants to get under John's skin in particular. Gordon does it too, but Scott's definitively the expert. "Whistling in the dark, John."
"Glaringly offensive disregard for the gravity of the situation, Scott."
"No pun intended, I'm sure." Before John can snap at him for this, Scott's fingertips drum on the arm of his chair. "Anyway, it's my situation, I'll handle it how I want."
John sighs and makes his penultimate suggestion, the best one he's got. "Bring Kayo."
But they both know the answer to that one. "You want to leave the rest of the family without Kayo? Here, on Earth, where we've got a murderer of our very own, a madman in the employ of the family nemesis? Trying to pick us off aggressively and with specificity? I don't think so."
Well, obviously not. And the reminder of just what it's like to know that there's someone dangerous out in the world, and out for blood---it's really the nail in the coffin, if John permits himself to slip up and slip into the tendency for morbidly appropriate turns of phrase. Because, despite everything, it's not the murderer John's afraid of. And he knows that deep down, if the murderer in question is allowed to hurt anyone else, things will get exponentially worse.
And even if he's afraid and more than willing to admit that he's afraid, John's not a coward.
"Well, you're not going alone."
Scott lifts his chin and there's a stubborn glint in his pale blue eyes, and just the barest indication of a challenging smile. "You're not going to stop me."
John shakes his head and looks up to meet Scott's gaze. "No," he says, still reluctant, but with a bone deep awareness that, ultimately, this was always the resolution the two of them would come to. "Because you're not going alone."
5.
It's about twenty-four hours since they'd met Penelope in a tiny English tearoom. Twenty-two hours since they'd told her they would take the job. Fourteen hours since they flew back to the island after an overnight stay at the manor. Eight hours since they told the rest of the family that they'd be taking Lee up on his invitation, and flying out to Mars for a visit. One hour since Brains finished loading TB3's cargo bay and outfitting her for the trip, and about another twenty minutes until they're clear for launch. Then it'll be about thirty seconds on the launchpad, and then eight minutes into orbit.
And approximately eighteen hours from that point, and they'll be putting TB3 down on Martian soil for the second time.
It's early morning on Tracy Island, and the lack of urgency about their impending launch means that Scott's afforded the leisure of gearing up at his own pace. Therefore, at t-minus twenty, he's still lying in bed in his pajamas, staring up at the ceiling, and thinking about Mars.
He's glad that they're going. The circumstances aside, he thinks this is going to be good for his brother. Because really, when else is John going to get to see Mars? John hasn't even been to the Moon. Depsite the fact that he's the second astronaut in the family, right in line behind their father, John rarely ever actually leaves orbit. His seventeen thousand mile an hour existence is twenty-two thousand miles from the surface of the Earth, but hardly ever further.
Scott's been to the Moon. Scott's been to Mars. Scott's been to both the places where their father left his bootprints and yet, as far as being an astronaut goes, it's reliably considered to be John who's followed in Jeff Tracy's footsteps. Scott's not an astronaut in the same way that John's not a pilot. Scott's spent plenty of time in space and John can fly a plane, but the pair of them separately still represent two distinct halves of their father's legacy. Space is John's territory, it's what he and their father had shared.
And Scott's not bothered by that. Not really.
...it's just that Scott's always tried to emulate his father. He's always tried to be as bold and confident and decisive in his leadership as his father was. So John's the astronaut. Fine. It's Scott who's always being told that he's a chip off the old block, cut from the same cloth, the spitting image of Jeff Tracy in the prime of his life. Scott's seen pictures, he knows he looks uncannily like his father had, at his age. He tries to act like it, too. When Scott had realized he was younger than his father was, when he took his own first steps on the Martian surface, it had been with a melancholy blend of pride and sadness.
But John's told him that what happened on Mars is something Scott's fundamentally unable to understand---and it's possible that might be getting to him, a little. Just a little. Not in any way he's about to let on, but still. Staring up at the polished wooden beams that cross his ceiling, he wonders if he's missing something that his father would have understood naturally; if Jeff Tracy would have suffered from the same immediate, visceral fear that John had, at the idea of a murder on Mars. He wonders if Lee Taylor's feeling the same dread right down in his core, a hundred and forty million miles away, whether he knows it was a murder or not. Scott wonders if it really is an astronaut thing, because he can't seem to summon up even a fraction of that same feeing.
John hadn't even expected him to be able to understand.
The memory of that realization is suddenly a little more galling than it had been, at the time that he'd first had it. It's suddenly irritating to the point that he kicks the blankets off and climbs out of bed, rolling his shoulders and stretching, as though he can muscle past the sudden feeling of vexation with John. For lack of anything else to do, Scott starts to pull his uniform on.
Sitting beside his brother in the rain, he'd watched John fumble, awkwardly trying to find some inoffensive way to express the fact that there are things he understands that Scott just doesn't, and that this situation is one of them. He'd put it down to the fact that Scott isn't a real astronaut, and Scott had let him, though he'd still managed to perceive John's usual opinion, going unstated. John's never gone so far as to call Scott stupid, exactly. It's possibly a little bit telling that he hasn't, actually. Ever. That he's always been very, very deliberate about never actually putting the words in that specific order.
Instead it's always, "Don't do anything stupid, Scott" or "Abort your landing or crash your Thunderbird, Scott, it's entirely up to you" or the ever popular "Just making absolutely sure you're aware of the mountain you're about to fly into, Scott."
Of course you're not stupid, Scott.
But then---
You just do a lot of really fucking stupid things, though, is what it is, Scott.
Again, it's never actually been said. And even if it were, Scott's thinks he'd mostly be able to take it. John's always been the smarter out of the pair of them, and Scott counts on that.
The friction in their working relationship---when there is friction in their working relationship, which is actually less often than might be expected---is generally on the grounds that Scott can be a little headstrong, a little impetuous, and can occasionally jump face first into a situation without all the relevant information. Sometimes. John's always had to compensate for that, always had to have backups of his backup plans, for when Scott gets himself into trouble. Scott still gets results, though, and at the end of the day they mostly agree that that's the important thing. Mostly.
Scott knows this, and more importantly, knows that John knows it just as well or probably better.
And the truth is, Scott had been bluffing when he'd said he would go to Mars alone. He just knows his brother well enough to know that there was no way John would have let him. Maybe John hasn't got the nerve to handle something like this on his own, but Scott's acutely aware that he lacks the brains, himself. Or the delicacy. Or the innate sense of what there is to be afraid of. The only way they can do this is if they do it together.
Hopefully, once they're actually there, it won't matter that John didn't actually want to.
It's too late now, anyway. T-minus ten, and he's just about ready to go.
His space gear is slightly different than his regular kit, though still mostly familiar, and he's had it prepped and ready since he went to bed last night. It's not quite as quick as suiting up for TB1, but once he's vertical, Scott's still dressed and ready in under five minutes. He activates his comm and glances through a quick review of Brains' posted alerts about TB3's systems' checks. Their launch is scheduled for 6:15 AM, and the rarity of a scheduled launch means that Scott's had the pleasure of scheduling it specifically to wake the rest of the household up with the thundering roar of TB3's ion engines.
It's just dawn on the island, and the low angle of the sun on the horizon casts long shadows through the windows as he walks softly down the hallway, past his brothers' rooms. No sense waking them unless it's with a rocket engine, and even then, it's going to be a little bit unkind. Gordon and Virgil are only a few hours from the end of a long and exhausting ordeal, dealing with a cruise ship run aground on a reef in the Caribbean. It's mostly for Alan's benefit, anyway, for once the youngest will be on the receiving end of TB3's enormously loud engines, thundering their way into orbit.
But for now, the villa is quiet and empty and peaceful in a way it almost never is, as Scott reaches the stairs at the end of the hallway.
He's feeling rather pleased with himself as he makes his way down to the lounge, only to discover that John's beaten him there. Presumably by a fairly substantial margin, by the way he's already sitting, in full uniform, ready and waiting in one of TB3's bucket seats. He's got his tablet in hand and above the central display he's pulled up a live review of the same systems' checks that Scott had only glanced through. If Scott didn't know better, he'd be tempted to assume that his brother's actually excited to go to Mars.
"Morning," he calls to his brother, jogging down the steps into the lounge with his helmet braced against his hip and his hands flexing in his gloves. "Been up long?"
"Didn't sleep," John answers, though he doesn't look tired and holds up a hand when Scott raises an eyebrow at him. "I'll sleep on the way, not like there'll be much else to do. Figured you'd be taking the first shift once we were en route, I'll pick up the second. Did you want to break it down into six shifts of three hours each, or just an even nine and nine?"
Scott shrugs automatically. "I wasn't thinking so much about shifts. It's autopilot most of the way out, and Brains and EOS will both have an eye on our telemetry. I wouldn't stress about it."
John gives him the sort of look that indicates that the only reason Scott doesn't stress about these things is because other people do it for him. His fingers flicker over the surface of his tablet as he makes the call of his own accord and inputs his preferred shift arrangement into TB3's onboard computer. "Nine and nine, then."
"You say so."
John's got one of the least sensible sleep schedules of anyone Scott's ever met. He approximates a cobbled-together scheme of polyphasic sleep that has him maximizing his availability to his family. He'll sleep in bursts of two to three hours while he's on duty aboard TB5, occasionally catching up with bursts of six hours at a stretch if things are slow. Scott's known John to stay awake for as long as thirty-six hours straight, if things are busy---but has also seen him sleep for a solid eighteen, when he's newly returned to the ground and officially off-rotation. In spite of the apparent disorder, according to John it's all carefully calculated and regimented and Scott can't actually find any fault with it, because John's always attentive and focused and alert when he needs to be.
Like now. John's intent on the last of TB3's preflights, and doesn't seem to notice the way his older brother studies him, trying to detect any of the anxiety that had been so plainly on display in England, only twenty-four hours ago. Whether John likes it or not, there's no turning back now.
And if Scott feels even a modicum of shame for having backed his brother into a corner on this one---for basically forcing John's hand, manipulating him into doing something he categorically does not want to do---this is alleviated by the fact that outwardly, John's as calm and taciturn as always. There's no hint of the plain, obvious apprehension he'd displayed in England. None of the grand moral angst or the insidious existential dread. Whether this is just John, resigned to what they're going to do, or John, deliberately putting up a front---Scott's not sure. But either way, he seems back to his usual self, to the point that Scott can almost let himself forget just how distressed John had been by the whole prospect.
Almost.
Scott makes a few last minute adjustments to the collar of his flightsuit, the cuffs of his gloves. Then he takes the pilot's seat next to his brother. T-minus three. Things have been a little tense so far, so Scott reaches out, prods John in the shoulder, and attempts to lighten the mood, "Hey, it'll be more sleep than you usually get, right? Guess we really are taking a vacation."
The early morning light casts half John's face in shadow. He doesn't look up from the last of TB3's preflights and his voice is soft as he asks, "Really? A vacation? Is that really what we're going to pretend this is?"
It takes a considerable degree of restraint to keep from sighing aloud at this, and so Scott sighs inwardly, and reevaluates his impression of his brother's general attitude. "I think it'd help if you at least tried."
"There's been a murder," John answers stiffly.
Scott rolls his eyes and settles back in his chair. Below, distantly, he can hear the faint hum of the hydraulics of the launch track starting to wind up into readiness. "Yeah. On Mars. Just...forget the murder for a minute, okay? Back burner. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. On Mars. Mars, John! Come on! Did you ever think you were going to make it out to Mars? This is...I mean, c'mon. This is part of our legacy---the planet literally has our name on it."
It's obvious that he doesn't mean it to happen, but there's a quick little huff of involuntary laughter, as Scott says something that John actually finds funny. It's a good sign, and the first good sign Scott's had since England, so he presses on, "You and Dad and Alan are the astronauts in the family, John. Dad led the way. And Alan's had his turn. Now it's yours. It's Mars. I know you, and I know---if things were just a little bit different; if we'd never talked to Penelope; if we were really just a pair of screwball rich kids, off to take a vacation on a whole other planet---I know that you'd be excited, right now."
That might spark something. It's just possible that he's accidentally caught on something that will snag John's interest, because John looks up at that, and idly keys a few inputs into his tablet again, before laying it aside. The readout of TB3's launch specs is replaced by a spherical holographic rendering of the Martian surface, complete with a current map of the colony, the nearest and most likely landing sights, and a small, star shaped marker, indicating the place where their father had taken his first steps on the surface.
The globe of another world hangs in the growing light of their last morning on Earth and for a long while, John doesn't say anything. When he does speak up, for the first time since this whole thing started, Scott hears the determination, the spark of warmth and brilliance he's been waiting for and counting on---
"T-minus one," John starts, and there's the suggestion of a smile as he glances over at Scott, and thumbs the switch to begin their descent into the hangar. And then, "Do you want to say it, or should I?"
6.
Once they're out of orbit and on their way, John manages to get the first properly restful sleep he's had since returning to Earth, and this is only because they've actively left Earth. He sleeps best in zero-gravity, and when he's got the omnipresent white noise associated with any vessel, sustaining itself through open space.
TB3 has a pair of bunks, a lavatory, and a small galley tucked in the space below the cockpit and above the cargo bay. It's spartan, even by John's relatively ascetic standards, and built for someone slightly smaller than he is. Waking, he finds the ceiling of his bunk a bare foot and a half above his head and it's only the strap across his chest that prevents him from sitting up and cracking his nose.
It takes some negotiation to pull himself comfortably free of the little cubby, but zero-g is John's natural habitat and once he's out, even in limited space, he moves freely and easily, stretching and yawning and glad he's gotten some rest. He's still grateful that Scott's not around to witness any of the somewhat undignified acrobatics associated with retrieving his boots from where he'd stashed them in an overhead locker, and pulling them back on.
He pushes open the aftward hatch, a little earlier than Scott might be expecting, and rejoins his brother in the cockpit, to take over command of Thunderbird 3 for the latter half of the flight. It's all going to be auto-pilot, and Scott's going to have to manage the actual landing, but after nine hours of sitting still in one place watching a ship fly itself, Scott probably wants a break.
"G'morning, Starshine," Scott calls over his shoulder, before John's even got the hatch closed again. "Sleep okay?"
"Fine, yeah. How's the flight been?" John pushes off the back wall and catches hold of the back of the pilot's seat to stop himself. He looks up through the forward portal, though he knows better than to expect to see anything but a vast expanse of black out in front. They're a long way between planets, and Mars won't be visible for another few hours yet.
Scott yawns in answer, though after only nine hours in flight after a full night's sleep, John imagines this is boredom and not tiredness. "Nothing to report. Alan's lucky I know he can actually fly, or I'd be really, really unimpressed with him right about now. His 'bird does most of the work."
"Well, so does mine," John comments, making an idle defense of his little brother and feeling a prickle of homesickness for his station. "And so does yours, for that matter. He's only seventeen, it's still pretty impressive that he flies a Thunderbird in the first place."
Scott scoffs at this and folds his arms across his chest. "I'm only twenty-eight, no one's ever impressed with me."
Because it's an opportunity he's rarely ever afforded, John's not gentle as he cuffs his big brother in the back of the head. He pushes nimbly out of range as Scott automatically reaches back to swat at him. "Right, nobody. Never. No one's ever the least bit impressed by Scott Tracy, fourth richest person in the world, and the richest under thirty; leader of International Rescue, pilot of Thunderbird 1, and heir apparent to Tracy Industries."
"Well, then they're not as impressed as they should be."
An alert chimes on the central console before John can remark on that, an indication that they've hit the halfway mark and it's time to switch over. Scott probably hasn't actually been waiting for it to be official, but he still takes the opportunity to pump a fist in the air, as though this was a triumph. "Hey! Halfway there. All right, Jaybird, the hot seat's yours if you want it." He groans slightly as he pushes up the shoulder restraints, stretches as he relaxes into the lack of gravity. "About damn time. I should've taken you up on six shifts of three hours."
Probably, but it's too late now. "Nine hours of babysitting the auto-pilot, I'm surprised you're still sane," John replies dryly. "How've you been killing the time?"
"Aboard Alan's ship? Take a wild guess," Scott answers, as he pushes out of the pilot's seat to allow John to take his place. Rather than taking the co-pilot's seat, Scott kicks back and lets himself float freely in the open space of the cockpit, as John gets himself settled. Scott's just slightly taller than he is, so it doesn't take much adjustment, but he does pull the seat just a little closer to the command console. He's pulling up the main display to go over their latest telemetry as Scott asks, "Are you aware of just how many video games he's got loaded onto the main console of this thing?"
"I coded and installed about half of them." This is something of a secret hobby, shared between him and Alan. It started out innocuously enough, with Alan whining that none of his games would run on their systems and that he got bored during long haul flights. Since then, in his spare time, John's hacked apart and then hacked back together assorted elements of their various rendering programs, sprinkled in a melange of complex simulation algorithms, basic game theory, and bundled the whole thing together with the judicious application of some fairly complex AI.
That gets Scott's attention. He snags the back of the other seat and pulls himself into place, brings up a screen of his own. "Oh, well then. Lock and load, player two. Zombie Apocalypse or Alien Storm?"
This has the tone of an issued challenge if ever John's heard one, and he's legally and morally obligated to rise to it. "Up to you, would you rather die of shame or embarrassment?"
Scott just cracks his knuckles and settles in, shoots a quick grin across the cockpit. "I've had a solid seven hours of practice, buddy, you maybe wanna stow the big talk."
John beats his brother to the player one slot and loads up Alien Storm, with Alan and his ridiculous conspiracy theories in mind. It's a piece of work he's actually fairly proud of in the abstract, a complicated bullet-hell style shooter that starts simply enough, but iterates up through complex patterns and formulas via a learning AI that tailors its algorithms to counter the style of the player as they progress. It's fast and colourful and the music is all bubbly bright chiptunes, oddly out of place in TB3's spartan cockpit.
He's rusty to start out with and Scott's more recently practiced, but John knows the game's mechanics and fundamentals with the intricacy of someone who's seen them from the inside out. He gains an edge against his brother that has them about evenly matched, attempting to outlast and outgun each other against swarms of brightly coloured holographic polygons, proliferating in 3D space faster than seems possible. Two small avatars weave and dodge between a geometrical flurry of simulated alien spaceships, and fire dueling projectiles across the field at one another.
And it's fun. It's the sort of casual, spontaneous, actual fun that John almost never has, and especially never with Scott. There's a great deal of snark and an almost constantly running stream of muttered cursing, the sort of utterly unprofessional language that threatens to peel the paint off TB3's interior. Scott's feet end up propped up on the forward console and John ends up pulling the pilot's seat further forward than would be strictly considered ergonomic. And, though it goes unsaid, they're both aware of the fact that this is something they haven't done since they were much, much younger---or at least, since they were less like adults and more like children.
They trade wins over the course of an hour that passes faster than John had anticipated, and stall around the tenth level, until it occurs to Scott to ask if there's a co-op mode. Over the next hour, between the two of them, they clear a further eight levels. Eventually the time comes to admit defeat. Still, by the time they're through, they've both earned the right to enter their initials in the fifty place leaderboard; JGT and SCT looking distinctly out of place, even buried near the bottom of a long list of AST.
Scott looks up at this with mild chagrin, crossed with something that might almost be awe, reading the twelve digit high scores racked up next to their little brother's name. "Level thirty-four. It goes that high?"
John shrugs. "It's procedurally generated. Technically it goes on forever." He gestures at the top score, some ridiculous number in the high billions. "I don't actually know how he does that. I coded the damn thing, and I don't even know what it would look like at that level."
Scott chuckles at that and takes his feet down off the console, stretches his limbs again. "Well, you don't see him fly very often. I guess technically I've seen him do that. I guess I've seen him thread this ship through an asteroid field like he's throwing a needle clear through a haystack."
The choice of phrasing earns a faint chuckle. "Your farmboy is showing."
If John meant it as an insult (and strictly speaking, he'd be a hypocrite if he had), Scott doesn't take it as one, grinning again as he removes himself from the copilot's place. "Take the boy outta the wheatfield, can't take the wheatfield outta the boy."
"'Boy'," John echoes, complete with air quotes. Out of a distant sense of obligation, he closes the game down and rechecks their telemetry, but it's all exactly as it should be, acceleration and trajectory both as expected. Idly, he pulls up the Martian globe to have another look at the surface, and a long minute passes before he realizes Scott hasn't fired back with a retort for the crack about his age. John glances up to find that his brother's got his hand on the back of the pilot's seat, and that he's being looked over with a frown that might actually be somewhat troubled.
"Are you okay with me making you do this?" Scott asks, before John's even entirely sure that something's actually wrong.
"...well, it's my turn. We said nine and nine, and---"
"No," Scott interrupts, and points at the holographic rendering of the Red Planet. "This, I mean. Mars. Look, I know it's too little too late---obviously we're not about to turn back around, but just---did I push too hard? Making you do this?"
John pauses, just long enough to be sure his brother's conscience will suffer a little bit in the silence, before he relents, "...well, first of all, you've never successfully made me do anything. Don't flatter yourself. If I didn't---if I really didn't want to do this, Scott, you couldn't have forced me. And I know you wouldn't have, either. And besides that, you weren't...I mean, you aren't wrong. Someone needs to do something. It looks like that someone's gonna be us. Whether I like it or not, this is what we do."
Scott seems to relax slightly at that, though he continues to drift nearby as he presses the point, "Really, though? I mean, you seemed pretty spooked by this whole thing. If this scares you---"
"It's not that." John shifts in the pilot's seat, made uncomfortable by the continued scrutiny. Truthfully, he's more than a little embarrassed by the way he'd reacted. It's not to say that it's not the way he actually feels, but he's not proud of the way he'd behaved as a consequence. "It's...I mean, it's a pretty abstract kind of fear. I'm afraid of the idea more than I'm afraid of the reality, maybe. I told you, it's complicated. What freaks me out is how it could have happened more than the fact that it has happened. I guess."
This is exactly the sort of subtlety that's likely to be lost on his big brother, so hopefully Scott will do what he always does with life's subtleties, and decide that it should be John's problem.
Predictably, Scott chews on that for a few moments before he clears his throat and says, "Yeeeahh. Okay. Just so long as you're not gonna have a complete existential breakdown or anything. You can gimme a heads up if you feel one coming on, and we'll make sure we get you tethered to something solid before you give up on humanity entirely and go wandering off across Arabia Terra in the throes of nihilistic despair."
Sometimes Scott's capable of a little more subtlety than John gives him credit for.
"I'll do my best."
Scott brightens slightly. "Or, actually---feel free to try it, but I'll tell Uncle Lee, and he'll drag you back and wallop you."
John groans at that. "Trussed up in the back of a Martian rover."
"Hog tied."
"Great."
Almost gleeful now, Scott continues, "Calling you 'Jack' and lecturing you about 'back in his day' and 'when me and your ol' dad were the only living beings on the surface of a virgin planet, a hundred and forty million miles from all human existence, we kept a lid on our grandiose moral quandaries about the state of humanity beyond Earth.'"
"Oh, shut up."
"'Damnit, Jim, you're an astronaut, not a philosopher!'"
John rolls his eyes and sighs, feigning exasperation. The truth is, despite the mention of a sore subject, he finds himself feeling better about the situation as a whole. The thought of their uncle, especially, has him feeling something like a warm burst of affection, and looking forward to seeing the grizzly old astronaut again. It's been a long time.
A companionable silence falls between them for a while, as John continues through various system checks and Scott does a few idle laps of the cockpit, just fooling around in zero-g. He's still drifting lazily nearby as John wonders aloud, "Have you ever figured out if he's just fucking with us? With the names thing?"
Scott scoffs. "I've given the old bastard a list of our names every single time we've seen him, it just doesn't stick."
John's not convinced. "I mean...we're named after the Mercury Seven, though. I don't know how he could fail to parse that, the man's a career astronaut."
"He called me Virgil the last time I saw him. Consistently."
The notion of anyone mixing up Scott and Virgil is a pretty compelling point in favour of John's argument, in John's opinion. "At least he didn't call you Gus? I just have a hard time believing that it's not just him messing with us. He's probably forgotten more about spacefaring than the pair of us put together."
"Maybe there's just not any room in his brain these days, maybe he had to keep up with all the spacefaring stuff and the names of his best friends' kids just weren't worth hanging onto."
"Maybe." John continues to doubt it, and has one last salient piece of evidence in his favour. "He had them all down when he sent that message."
The mention of Lee's message seems to sober the tone of the conversation slightly, and Scott sounds more serious as he answers, "Yeah, well, that's part of why I think it was Captain Taylor, asking for our help. Call it our first clue." Scott's boot hits the back of the John's seat as he floats over and then kicks off. It's impossible to miss the note of reproach in Scott's tone when he comments, "But then, you sure had a pretty damn bleak take on that."
This is something that John's not proud of. He's got the same message saved onto his personal comm and with a few deft gestures, he loads it onto the main console and pulls up the image of Lee Taylor, fuzzily holographic. The resolution isn't quite good enough to make out his expression, and John doesn't remember the tone of his voice giving anything away. But he remembers what Taylor had said, and what he'd said in answer. Meant to be retired. Unwilling to admit that his era's over. Neither of these are things he really believes, because of course Captain Lee Taylor belongs on Mars. So John's regretful, contrite, as he tells his brother, "I didn't mean it. I was just---"
Scott, either out of mercy or just because he doesn't want to hear it, doesn't let him finish. "Yeah, I know. I just think it's too much of a coincidence to ignore."
"I think you're right." John clears the image of their uncle from the central display, and pulls the image of Mars up again. There's a countdown timer in the bottom of the readout, estimating their time of arrival---six and a half hours out. If there's still a flutter of anxiety in the pit of his stomach, if there's still a dark shadow of dread clinging at the back of his mind---well. Scott's the one who'd said it, with the caveat that he'd never needed to say it before; John's not a coward.
This is just one of the rare occasions where he's going to have to prove it.
7.
The catch-22 of landing Thunderbird 3, freestanding, without guidance, on the uneven surface of a whole other planet is that Scott's not actually allowed to brag about it. To brag about just how technically difficult a landing like that actually was would be to tip his brother off to the fact that it hadn't been breezily, effortlessly easy.
He settles for taking his hands off the controls and holding them up, as though demonstrating that he's got nothing up his sleeves, and that what was just done was tantamount to magic. "Gossamer," he declares, because the quality of the landing is worth at least one word of commentary. He adds several more for good measure, "I bet you barely even felt that, even with your tender and delicate spacefaring backside."
"Mmhm."
Apparently it was a good enough landing that John hasn't actually paid it any attention, closing out a suite of communication relays from the Martian base, and moving on to begin their post-flight checks. Scott had done the flying, but it's John who'd hailed the base as they'd made their approach, and coordinated all of the logistics necessary for their actual landing. When he's working, John's voice takes on a neutral, official quality that Scott listens to without even thinking. He can't say for sure if the voice on the comm from the Martian base had been male or female, old or young, because all he'd heard was his brother, relaying instructions---all the information he'd needed to make sure their landing was as good as it was.
Now that they've landed, actually, solidly, and officially on Martian soil, John glances up through the forward portal and blinks up at the skies of Mars, glowing an unearthly, alien violet as the distant sun sinks towards the horizon.
Scott's seen this before. So instead of the Martian sunset, Scott watches his brother, seeing a whole new sky for the very first time.
Sometimes, and these past few days especially, Scott wonders if John Tracy might not get a little bit lost in Thunderbird Five. Thunderbird Five is unfailingly cool and detached and professional, hard to surprise and harder still to unsettle. Thunderbird Five has the entire Earth at his fingertips, takes it in and understands it at the barest glance, can reach down out of the heavens themselves and change the course of the world beneath him. Sometimes even Scott manages to forget that there's a person behind the persona, and that person is his nerdy, introverted little brother, who's allergic to penicillin and freckles within five minutes when exposed to sunlight; who built his first telescope when he was fourteen and has a bookshelf full of dog-eared, vintage sci-fi, gathering dust in the bedroom he almost never occupies.
Fear and awe and wonderment aren't qualities Scott would ever attribute to Thunderbird Five, but John Tracy has bright, wide green eyes and a soul that belongs to the stars, and he's plainly reverential at his first glimpse of an alien sky.
Scott lets him have a good, solid minute, before clearing his throat and asking, "Worth the trip?"
Reverie not quite broken, John's gaze doesn't leave the sky overhead and his voice is distant in an entirely unfamiliar way, as he quotes something Scott's equally unfamiliar with, "We pray for one last landing, on the globe that gave us birth; let us rest our eyes on fleecy skies, and the cool, green hills of Earth."
Thunderbird Five emphatically does not quote poetry. And if John Tracy does, he doesn't do it often, so this must be an especially momentous occasion. It's got a familiar lilt to it, but Scott doesn't have John's memory for things like this, so his guess is a stab in the dark, "Bradbury?"
"Heinlein."
"I was close."
John shrugs, and then, charitably, "I mean, kind of."
"Same century."
"Sure, that definitely counts."
"Oh, shut up."
Offhanded condescension is a trait shared fairly equally between John Tracy and Thunderbird Five. "It's not my fault that your literary aspirations as far as sci-fi is considered never matured beyond Tom Swift."
Scott's entirely capable of spinning this up into a full blown squabble, but instead he reaches forward and toggles the control for the copilot's seat. Its motors whir abruptly to life and drop his brother backward along the cockpit track by about four feet, so that he startles and curses and clings onto the sides of the chair. Scott grins at the death glare he receives. "Never matured much as a whole, either."
"Asshole."
"Yup."
Before this can devolve further, there's a crackle over TB3's main comm that shuts them both up, and the gruff and grizzled voice of a responsible adult inquires, "You boys plannin' to disembark at any point in the foreseeable future? Only you got your welcoming committee standing around burnin' O2, waiting for your skinny blue butts to get on the ground."
Scott's on the comm immediately, just as a matter of pure reflex, "Yessir, sorry sir. Just, uh. Just doing some post-flights, Captain Taylor, we'll be right down."
"Son, I helped draft the major protocols for your post-flights, and I'll tell you they ought've been done five minutes ago. C'mon, boys, getcher gear and hustle on down here. Mars's cold by night."
"Yessir."
John's already negotiated his way down to the back (bottom) of the cockpit, and has his helmet on and is prudently checking his oxygen packs, by the time Scott joins him. The Martian surface is a full twelve stories down from the hatch of TB3's cockpit. Scott follows suit, going through the procedure to check and recheck his helmet and his gear, careful and methodical.
The hiss of the comm in his ear makes him look up before John actually speaks, and so he catches the slightly concerned quirk of his brother's expression as he says, "Did he say 'welcoming committee'?"
"What, just now? Uh, yeah."
"What do you think he meant?"
Scott blinks at this. "Figure of speech? We're about three klicks out from the actual colony, he probably brought a rover. Maybe it's got a backup driver."
There's one of those very deliberate pauses from his brother that indicates that he's caught the edge of an idea, and that he's piecing the whole thing together as he says, slowly, "...there've been two more waves of colonists aboard two other transport ships since Helios first landed, along with the crew of a private prospecting company, here on a two year contract as part of a deal with the WWSA. And now there's us. What're the odds he was being literal?"
Scott's not sure what the problem is, why his brother suddenly sounds uncertain, hesitant. He rubs the back of his neck through the collar of his spacesuit. "I'm not sure I get where you're going with this."
John might be getting exasperated, the way he groans into his radio and puts a hand on the cockpit's hatch control. "A welcoming committee. Like the kind of thing there might be if we just happened to be the first official visitors to Mars in the colony's entire history."
The light bulb blinks on and Scott gets it. And he laughs, though John doesn't; John just glares at him. "Hey! First! That's great! Come off it, J, what's with the face? Dad would've gotten a hell of a kick out of it."
"What're we supposed to do, what're we supposed to say?"
"Uh, 'Hello, thanks for having us, nice planet you've got here'? John, what's your problem?"
It might just be that this is another one of those astronaut things, because Scott doesn't understand his brother's sudden frustration, as he objects, "It shouldn't be us. We're just---we're not entitled to this. What, we've got money and we've got a rocketship, and somehow that qualifies us to be part of this planet's history? This is going to get written down somewhere, this is going to be official."
Scott's flatly affronted at that, the notion that this isn't something that they have as much a right to as anyone possibly could---and more, in Scott's books, considering that they're following in their father's footsteps and that this colony owes its establishment to their family's actions. "Newsflash, dumbass; we're already part of this planet's history. I am, anyway. Alan, too, and Captain Lee Taylor. And Dad before that, if you want a list of things that are official. What do you mean it shouldn't be us? Why the hell should it be anyone else?"
John seems a little taken aback by that, but he still shakes his head, seems seized by an attack of trepidation, that has him hang a little bit further back from the cockpit's exterior hatch. "I just---"
"---And," Scott interrupts him sharply, "you're forgetting the actual reason we were asked to come here."
It's not often that Scott gets one up on John, but by the way his brother falls abruptly silent, apparently the fact that there's been another first in Martian history is something that had entirely slipped his mind. It's a bit of a double-edged sword, reminding John of the fact that they're here because someone's been murdered, but it's too late now. There's an alert over his comm as the cabin pressure equalizes, and Scott opens the exterior hatch.
As per usual, once Scott's boots hit the ground after taking the lift down from TB3's cockpit, it turns out John was right. Waiting for them by a pair of rugged looking Martian rovers is a collection of four people, arrayed in a curiously formal little cluster, and Scott only knows two of them on sight.
They've landed TB3 on a flat (ish) plain, the opposing side of the colony to where Scott and Lee had "landed" the Helios, the last time Scott had been here. Around them, even with the bulk of TB3 soaring its fifteen stories of height up into the Martian sky, even if he's been here before---even with the people who represent the beginning of this planet's legacy, this is still a whole new world. For a few moments there's nothing to do but just stand and take it all in again, the bare expanse of ruddy terrain stretching off towards a strange horizon, beneath the slow twilight of the violet sky.
Captain Lee Taylor stands a pace behind and to the left of Commander Sandra Travers, in a standard Martian spacesuit to match hers, and not his trusty old Lunar gear. He looks well, Scott thinks, and when he catches his uncle's eye, he'd almost swear that there's the flash of a wink and a twitch of a grin beneath the older man's mustache, though his expression is serious and neutral again in mere moments.
Dr. Travers herself is just as dignified and composed and calm under pressure as Scott remembers her to be, if this moment can be considered to have any kind of pressure associated with it, as John seems to believe. John lingers an uncertain step behind Scott, like they're children again and his little brother desperately doesn't want to meet anyone new. Though they're already on the same comm channel, as they wait for the other party to sync with the same frequency, Scott doesn't even hear his brother breathing in the silence. He resists the urge to roll his eyes.
The other two members of the party will have to wait for their introductions, but to Lee Taylor's right is a petite, blonde young woman with a button nose and a rather pretty face. She stands at military attention in a way that makes Scott straighten up himself. To Taylor's left is a tall man, dark and handsome, with a toothy smile that seems to be a permanent fixture. His uniform differs from the other three, sleeker and more stylish, and of a level of tech that the trained eye would recognize as nearer to the echelon of IR's own. There's none of the unisex utilitarianism of the Martian uniform; rather, this looks to be tailored, custom-made for its owner. Scott's kneejerk reaction is to label him as some rich asshole, until he remembers that his own gear is similarly custom, and that his own flight out technically had a price tag in the millions.
There's a crystalline chime as their comms sync, and the first voice he hears---at least officially---is Dr. Travers', warm and welcoming, "Scott and John Tracy. It's my honour and privilege on behalf of our colony to be the first to welcome you to Mars."
It's short, sweet, and simple---and absolutely paralytic. Scott realizes too late just what might've been bothering his little brother---there's meaning here. This is important, one of those essential, meaningful moments that he might just remember for the rest of his life. There are no cameras, no press, and only a handful people to witness this particular exchange---and it's a triviality, really. Technically it should be welcome back to Mars, at least in Scott's case. But there's something in the formality of it, in the sincerity of the Commander's voice, that has him realizing that what he says next actually matters.
Scott's lucky his father was who he was, and in more ways than one.
Because he's inherited his father's determination and charisma and essential grasp of when his actions matter. Being the echo that he is of Jeff Tracy, near the age he was when he first stood in this same place---Scott knows exactly what to say, because his father's already said it; the first words ever spoken from the surface of Mars. John's not the only one in the family who can quote things from memory.
"Thank you," he says, with the very same respect and sincerity, "to everyone who's made it possible for us to be here. It was never a question of if we'd come, but when."
The brilliant smile he gets from Dr. Travers in answer has none of the formality or magnitude of the moment before, only the genuine delight in the recognition of whose words he's just said. She's held out a hand to shake his, but as he takes it, she pulls him into a brief, tight embrace. And the ice breaks properly, and the formality starts to melt away.
"It's good to see you again, Scott," she says, and squeezes his fingers before she lets go, and then turns to John and extends a hand for him to shake. "And John, I'm so glad to finally meet you. Lee's told me so much about your family."
Technically they've met before, though never face to face. And, so long as they're being technical, at least in an official capacity, Dr. Travers has met Thunderbird Five.
"Commander Travers," John answers, and for whatever anxieties that Scott's been privy to, his brother is unfailingly gracious, collected and polite as he shakes her hand. "I'm glad to meet you, too."
There's a brief pause, the sort that's only significant if you happen to meet the Commander's eyes in its course, and Scott watches a moment pass between the two of them. "Thank you," she says, "for coming all this way."
"It's our privilege, ma'am."
She takes a step back and gestures to the people standing behind her, "This is Captain Rosalyn Hill, our chief of security, and Mr. Lloyd Berringer, owner and operations manager of Berringer Boring Technologies."
The name rings a bell, but represents a side of the world that Scott traffics in as little as possible. Captain Hill just nods, but Mr. Berringer steps forward, and seizes Scott's hand with an exuberant, "Thank you, Sandra. It's such an honour to meet you boys. I had the pleasure of doing business with your father on more than one occasion. I like to hope he'd be impressed by what we're doing here. He'd probably make all the same jokes I've heard about a billion times already."
The immediate familiarity with which Berringer operates is instantly, completely off-putting. Scott feels his back teeth grit together as the man pumps his arm in the sort of powerplay of a corporate handshake that makes him want to spit. Or at least alter the technique of his handshake. "Pleasure," he answers in a manner that manages to stop just short of appallingly terse, and then John intervenes with the save, before Scott can yank the man's elbow out of its socket.
"Mr. Berringer," his brother says, with Thunderbird Five's perfect, functionally eternal patience operating at full bore, and just a hint of John Tracy's very rare but very real actual interest, "I've kept up with reports of your company's contributions to the WWSA's exogeology program. I look forward to hearing more about it personally."
"And I look forward to telling you!" The handshake John gets is less aggressive, just a brief clasp of his hand and a nod of acknowledgment, before Berringer steps back.
Scott's more than a little bit interested in introducing himself to Captain Hill, but Lee Taylor's gruff voice pipes up before he can make a move to make her acquaintance, "All right, that'll about can it for the pleasantries. We're burnin' the last of our daylight. Boys, it's good to have you here. Rovers'll only take four people apiece, so if it's all right, I'll say my hullos on the ride back to camp. Scott, Johnny, you're with me. We'll get the pair of you settled for the night, and then you can get the grand tour and all the pomp and circumstance tomorrow."
"Yessir, Captain," Scott agrees immediately, and sees John nod out of the corner of his eye. He adds, "We've had a long flight."
"Two more miles, and then the pair of you can get a break, but we still gotta get 'em put behind us. Dr. Travers, Captain Hill, Lloyd. We'll load up and see you all back at base."
Dr. Travers seems to consider the matter settled on Lee's order. "Excellent idea, Captain Taylor. We'll leave you to it."
Scott's not sure just where Lee Taylor falls in the hierarchy of people around them. His rank, if he can still be considered to hold one, is no better than Captain Hill's, but the Captain is the first to obey his order, turning on her heel to return to the forward rover. Dr. Sandra Travers commands the mission as a whole, but had raised no protest to Lee's suggestion. She does nothing more than reach out to clasp Scott's hand again, and then turns to follow Captain Hill.
Berringer hangs nearby for a moment, and Scott can see him about to start something, some attempt to ingratiate himself into the second rover, with Scott and his brother and his uncle---but at the last moment he seems to think better of it. At the last moment he just reaches out like Dr. Travers had done, and claps a friendly hand firmly on John's shoulder. John, to his credit, doesn't flinch. "Glad you boys are here," he says, and Scott revels a bit in the lameness of it as he nods a curt goodbye.
And then, though the other rover's departure is hardly abrupt, it's just the three of them. Scott does a quick recheck of TB3's systems and puts her in low power mode, as John and Lee unload the minimal baggage they'd brought from back on Earth, stow it in the back of their rugged little rover.
In his ear, his comm hisses to life again, and John says, with just the faintest note of triumph, "Shotgun."
8.
Well.
That wasn't so bad, actually. It's even better now that it's just him, Scott, and Lee Taylor, alone in a rover, waiting for it to boot up. The phrase "welcoming committee" had put him in mind of something far more ceremonial and significant than what it actually was---four people and two Martian rovers, where in his head John had conjured up fifty people and red carpets---and he's glad that the resources expended on their welcome hadn't been significant. More than anything, John hadn't wanted anyone to make a fuss.
Or, if they had made a fuss, then more than anything he'd wanted his brother not to say something stupid in response to it.
But that isn't really fair and John knows it.
So, necessarily, once the rover's been sealed, pressurized, and flooded with breathable air, John pulls his helmet off and turns to Scott in the back seat. There's no easy way to do this, when it need to be done, but the best practice is generally sincerity. So John attempts to be genuine and to the point as he says, "Hey. I'm sorry for...uh, for getting cold feet. Before we disembarked. I guess I didn't know what to expect, and it threw me off, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Thanks for knowing what to say."
If Scott were more the way John imagines him to be and less the way he actually is---this sort of admission would've been met with a scoff and something dismissive of John's own (admittedly irrational) anxiety. Instead his brother just nods his acceptance of the apology, and offers back, "Hey, you were right. It was something that mattered and I hadn't thought about it the way you had. I'm just lucky that Dad was a well-spoken kind of guy."
"Jeff worked on that line for months," Lee informs them, joining the conversation as he pulls his own helmet off, gets himself settled in the driver's seat. "Weren't like we didn't have the time on the trip out. Sat in a spaceship pointed at Mars, just me and your dad, and whenever we had some downtime, we were battin' around ideas for what should get said when our boots hit the ground. Was down to a coin toss, who got to go first, and there's no one I would've rather lost it to. I won't pretend it didn't tug the ol' heartstrings---one of Jeff's boys sayin' one of the best things I ever had the honour to hear."
Scott flicks an easy little mock salute, two fingers off his temple, as he answers with his usual effortless charm, "Was my honour to repeat it, Captain Taylor."
Lee puts the rover into gear and they start to rumble along the rough and rugged terrain. The rover's interior is all white and stainless steel, accented in bright red and dark blue, the sort of colours that John and Scott stand out against, while Lee fits right in. He glances at John in the passenger seat and his smile is warm, welcoming, as he says, "I sure am glad you boys are here."
And suddenly, hearing Lee tell a tiny piece of a story he's told a thousand times before---John is, too.
It's possible that it wasn't quite completely true, up until just now. It's been growing truer moment by moment, from the moment they'd begun their deceleration to start their approach to the Red Planet, to the moment he'd been able to look up and see a whole new sky. It had helped to see their uncle wiggle his mustache and wink, it had helped to hear Scott say their father's words, it had helped to realize that Mars is more than he ever could've imagined, and that whatever's happened here doesn't diminish the awe and the reverence and the privilege he feels to be here.
But---
Lee clears his throat. "Now, you gotta forgive me cutting to the chase, but this is gonna be a short drive and we should get down to business. I'm operating on the assumption that you boys're here about the murder."
Right.
That's still happened. The nausea, that sick feeling of dread, comes creeping back, but John takes a deep breath to steady his nerves, and pretends it's just motion sickness. This is why they've come all this way, and he has a job to do. Whether he likes it or not, it's a job he'll be good at.
"Yes, Captain," Scott confirms, moving to the center of the bench seat in the back of the rover, so he can lean forward between the two bucket seats in front. "We couldn't actually be a hundred percent sure you'd know about that, though."
Lee's expression is grim, and he keeps his gaze fixed on the path ahead of the rover's bright xenon headlights as he answers, "'Course I do. Sandra came to me right after it happened. Wanted me to double-check the chief engineer's findings about why that airlock failed---but what I had to say didn't track with what she'd been told. If you know what you're looking at, then it's plain that some evil damn bastard had meddled with the damn thing. Whether it got past her guy or whether he deliberately didn't see it---I ain't sure, but it needed keeping quiet either way. I told her to submit a report to the WWSA encoded under Orion, this ain't the kind of thing you screw around with."
"You know about that? The Orion Protocol?" John asks, mildly surprised.
Lee takes his eyes off the lack of a road in front of them to favour him with a look, as though John's just inquired after the opinion of Lee's second head. "Boy, who d'you think you're talking to? You're damn right I know about Orion, and it's a good thing I do, because she didn't want to report it."
John can't help but perk up a little at that, because that's interesting. "Why not?"
"We should probably wait until we can talk about this with Commander Travers," Scott interjects, plainly a little uncomfortable at the idea of talking about the commander behind her back.
John isn't. "Unless we need to talk about Commander Travers."
Predictably, Scott balks at that. This is down to a streak of politeness and decency hammered into him from a precociously young age. It's not that John lacks the same, so much as he recognizes when it's neither relevant nor expedient to the situation at hand. Scott makes his protest on the Commander's behalf, "I'm sure she had her reasons. We should all try to stay on the same page. There's only four people on the entire planet who know what's happened here."
"Five," John corrects firmly. "And that's our best case scenario. There's at least one person responsible for this, and they know it. Our only advantage is that they don't know that we know it. Right now, as far as we're aware, you and I are the only two people on this planet who couldn't possibly have done this."
"Um." Scott's eyes cut to Lee Taylor, still sitting placidly in the driver's seat. "Three people, is what I think you mean."
"No, it ain't," Lee answers on John's behalf, and John's pretty sure he doesn't mistake the warmth of esteem in his voice. "And he ain't wrong. Listen to your brother, Scotty. That's the astronaut in him talkin', because there's things you think and things you guess and things you guesstimate and things you hope---but it's the things you know that are all you can count on. All you can know right now is that you can trust each other. Don't trust anyone else, and don't count anyone else out, 'til you know you can."
Lee makes it sound a bit more dire than what John had meant, strictly speaking, but the point stands, and leaves Scott looking slightly chagrined. For his brother's sake, John clarifies, "I don't mean that I think Uncle Lee's a murderer. I mean we need to be thorough and methodical and certain, above everything else. If these people are going to be told that there's been a murder, then immediately thereafter, they need to be told that the murderer in question has been identified and taken into whatever passes for secure custody around here. We can't rush to conclusions. We need to know. Right now, we have four hundred names with four hundred question marks beside them. It's going to be a process of elimination. And it's not going to be easy."
It's probably going to be very, very hard. Their pool of suspects contains four hundred people, not one of whom has a criminal record nor the sort of social or psychological history that would preclude them from an expedition to colonize Mars. Four hundred people, all of whom know this colony and each other better than Scott or John do, and better than they possibly could within the limited span of time they have here. Four hundred people, and none of them can be permitted to suspect that there's been a murder in their midst. Four hundred people, and they have to figure out where they're supposed to start.
And by his expression, Scott might just be starting to understand just what the stakes are, and just how challenging this is going to be.
But it's to Scott's credit that he knows his strengths and the strengths of others. It's part of the reason why this was inevitable---ending up here, rumbling along in a Martian rover at a generous thirty miles an hour, towards a colony that needs their help, even if they themselves don't know it. Because what Scott does know, at least as well as John does, is that this is exactly the sort of problem John's good at.
There's a double-edged sword here, and it carves John neatly in half; divides the part of him that wants more than anything to be here, and the part of him that wishes he could be anywhere else, considering the circumstances. By the same strengths that he recongizes a nearly impossible problem, equally he knows he's among the best possible candidates to try and solve it.
God damn it.
"Well," Scott says, and punches John's shoulder lightly, "That's why I brought you, John. I'm the Watson, not the Holmes, and that's fine by me. You work out the right questions, I'll make sure we get the answers. We'll figure it out."
It's also not often that Scott self-identifies as the sidekick, but John will still take it. Maybe one day he'll even let his brother know just how much it's appreciated. For now he just nods his acknowledgment and gives Scott the very slightest smile, proportionate to the seriousness of the situation. "Then the first question we have to ask is about Dr. Travers and why she wouldn't have wanted to report a murder. Uncle Lee?"
The rover jolts slightly as Captain Taylor takes them over a rougher patch of terrain than the ride's brought them across so far. He's silent for a little longer than might be expected before he answers and he sounds troubled when he does so. "Well. It's a hard thing to have to wrangle with. Putting it down in a report---that made it real. Truth be told, I think she's scared. She's known everyone on this planet for at least as long as they've been here, and now one of 'em has it out for her? She's got a kid to think about, but she's also got a whole damn colony. I can't say I blame her for not being sure what to do. Can't pretend I ain't a bit scared myself."
"Sounds like she's lucky she had you to turn to," Scott comments mildly, though he also kicks the back of John's seat as he does so. John chooses to interpret this as Scott's acknowledgment of the legitimacy of his fears about the idea of a murder happening on Mars. "Are we going to get a chance to talk to her one on one? I get the idea tomorrow might be kinda busy, if we're supposed to be playing tourist."
"Should," Lee confirms. "She'll be waitin' for the two of you, to getcha settled. We've got an empty habitation module ready'n waiting."
"Sounds cozy."
If John hasn't missed the wry note of sarcasm in Scott's tone, then Lee certainly won't have either. He snorts. "Ain't nowhere on this planet you couldn't call cozy. It's a cozy sorta place. Consequence of having to pressurize every habitable cubic inch. Still. Home sweet home. Strap in back there, Scooter, we got a bit of a rough ride down the ridge. Shame you ain't getting your first sight of the place by daylight. Things've been really comin' along."
As he says this, he pulls up to the edge of the ridge in question. But instead of his usual bombast; charging ahead over the low rise and down into the colony below, Lee hits the brakes. Out the front window of the rover, bright xenon lights gleam off the white exteriors of the colony proper, though these are already ruddy with the dust of the Martian surface around them. At first John thinks they've stopped so that they can get a proper look at the colony, and he's about to make a comment about regretting their time of arrival, but the sight of Lee's expression cuts him off. Scott's fallen similarly silent, and they wait for their uncle to speak.
When he does, he sounds grave and serious, and some of folksy affectation drops from his speech. "Might be this is the last chance I'm gonna get to speak freely in front of you boys. I hope not, but I meant what I said. Mars is cozy, and by that I mean Mars is crowded. And Mars is busy. There's still enough to do in the day to day that's just about survival, and it can't exactly be put on pause. So before we get down there in the thick of it---and quick, because we're keepin' Dr. Travers waiting---is there anything you want me to tell you? Anything you wanna ask?"
John knows his question immediately, but when he glances at Scott and meets his big brother's eyes, he nods his deference instead of asking. He's not sure what Scott could've come up with on such short notice, and doesn't expect it to be especially insightful---but sometimes Scott surprises him.
"You really scared, Uncle Lee?"
This is an excellent question, and not one it had occured to John.
Lee surprises him too, and laughs at that. "Shoot, kid. Right to the heart of it, eh Scotty? Always liked that 'bout you. Just like your ol' Dad. Yeah. Yeah, I am. More than I let on, that's for damn sure. Now, I ain't said so because I want you boys shook up, but I do want you wary. I want you to know this is someone worth bein' afraid of. You kill a man on Mars---and then what? You get away it and you live with that secret forever. Or you don't, and then you're trapped. Then you got nothing to lose. These are some of the best, toughest people I ever met. But life here is fragile. And the wrong person---they wouldn't have to try very hard if they wanted to hurt a lot of people."
That's probably what Scott's needed to hear. If Scott knows it about John that he can't help but take on big, complicated problems---then John knows it about Scott that he can't help but come to the aid of people who need him. That the person who needs him here and now is someone who's known them both since before they could tie their own shoes---so much the better. Scott's jaw sets and his chin lifts slightly, and in the low light of the Martian rover, he looks more like their father than ever. And sounds like him, as he says, "We're gonna find them, Captain Taylor."
"I sure hope so, kid."
Scott's better at this than John is. Better at the big, meaningful moments, better at connecting with people, and especially people like Lee. It's good that Scott's here. John's got patience and polish and brains and panache, but he lacks Scott's sincerity, the way he makes things like this sound like they're going to be easy. John's own question is much simpler, and he has to clear his throat a little awkwardly to get Lee's attention before he can ask it. "Uncle Lee?"
"Something you wanna ask me, Johnnycake?"
There's no easy way to ask this, but in fairness, John's about ninety-nine percent certain of what his answer will be. 99.75%, in fact.
"Did you kill James Marston?"
This time Lee's laugh is a crowing guffaw, and the hand that clasps John's shoulder does so warmly and with the sort of genuine affection that only Lee Taylor's really capable of. "No, Johnny. I sure did not. Thanks for being direct about it."
John shrugs and makes an entirely unnecessary mental note. Lee Taylor: Not a Murderer. "One down," he says, as Lee puts the rover into gear again. "Three hundred and ninety-nine to go."
9.
Scott likes Dr. Travers. To separate her entirely from her life's accomplishments---the fact that she's the mission commander of the first human colony on Mars, a decorated astronaut and a mother on top of all that---he just thinks she's a nice lady. She's in her mid-forties, with dark hair and dark eyes, and has the same sort of polished English accent that Lady Penelope does, but none of Penelope's occasionally chilly aristocracy. She's a warm, friendly sort of woman, and there's a rather motherly quality about her, as she shows Scott and John around the little pod that will be their temporary home on Mars.
Not that there's a great deal to show, because the place lives up to Lee's definition of the word cozy. It's a particularly utilitarian little module, two levels tall, with bunks lofted above the main floor. Nearly half the main floor is the bathroom, a walled off and sealed wetroom designed to recover every drop of excess moisture. The rest of the common area is living space, the outer wall ringed around with basic utilities---a small kitchen module, a screen that looks like a standard comm unit, and curved seating along the exterior wall. The space feels dominated by the no-nonsense bulk of the airlock, a constant and uncomfortable reminder of the inhospitable reality right outside the door. Scott wonders if he'll be here for long enough to get used to it.
"I hope you'll both be comfortable here," Dr Travers says, taking a seat on the couch next to John, who somehow contrives not to look awkward in the small space, despite his height. Dr. Travers is a small woman, but Scott and his brother are both upwards of six feet tall, with Scott edging John out by a bare inch of height. A judicious estimate puts the ceiling at about eight feet, but it still feels low overhead. "This is one of the pods that was waiting for us when we first landed. Most colonists are living in more permanent habitation these days, but space is still at a premium, and this was the best place we had to put you. I hope you won't be too crowded."
Scott trying to remember the last time he and his brother shared this much living space between them. They haven't shared a room since they were children, and Scott's position as the eldest meant he'd aged into the right to his own room sooner than John had, even if strictly speaking, John would've appreciated it more. It's probably going to be fine, but he cracks a joke anyway, "Oh, we'll be all right, ma'am. There might be a duct tape line straight down the middle of the place by tomorrow, but he's been my brother for twenty-five years and we've both made it this far. We'll cope."
Dr. Travers smiles in answer, but the light inside the pod isn't exactly kind to her. Under the bright halogen lights, her eyes are tired and there are dark circles beneath them---there's an unmistakable air of anxiety about her. "Thank you again, so much, for coming all this way. I wish the circumstances were anything but what they are. You both deserve better than to be here under this kind of pretense."
John speaks up before Scott can get a word in, "The worst sorts of circumstances are what we deal with best, ma'am. This is a little outside the bounds of our normal, but it's still far from the worst thing we've ever faced. We're here to help."
Scott just nods his agreement. It's a fairly common fallacy that John's not good with people. It's one that John encourages, so it's not as though that helps. John's a natural introvert and prefers solitude as a matter of course, but neither of these things preclude him from being good with people. It's part of the reason that Scott's deliberately set himself apart from the conversation---it's time to let his brother take over.
And John does, with ease and grace and the cool professionalism that people occasionally mistake for coldness. He's calm and patient as he begins, "I've been over your report several times since I was made privy to it. I've got the basics of how you think this happened, but I'd like to go over it again, just to be sure we're clear. Is it all right if I ask you some questions, Dr. Travers?"
"Of course, John. Just---" She glances up at Scott, hesitates for a moment, almost as though she's hedging, "Did you want to sit, Scott? I'm sorry, I realize this is hardly the ideal place for an interview like this. I'd have brought you to my place, but I wanted to be completely sure of our privacy, and Paul---my son, Paul---I don't want him..."
"I'm fine, ma'am. Was an eighteen hour flight out, I'm glad to stretch my legs a bit," Scott declines, and makes a private mental note about the way her voice tremors slightly when she mentions Paul. It's hardly surprising that she doesn't want her son to know. Scott would rather he didn't know either. "I'm sure you want to get home to your son. We'll try not to keep you too long." He nods in his brother's direction, to get the conversation back on track, "Go ahead, John."
John can occasionally miss certain cues, but Scott's been explicitly clear about this one. Keep it concise and let the lady get home to her kid. "Right. Can you tell me more about the man who was killed? Lieutenant James Marston?"
Dr. Travers nods, and Scott watches her take a deep breath to steady her voice before she answers. "Yes. He came with the second wave of colonists to the planet---unattached, not with a family. Most of the WWSA personnel who've joined our colony are singletons. A few couples. I wish I could say I'd known him better than I had, but I'm still getting acquainted with the second and third wave arrivals. Most of our interactions were in a strictly official capacity---signing off on maintenance reports and the like. As far as I know, no one had anything like a problem with him."
"What sort of work did he do, what were his responsibilities?"
"He was a computer technician, one of the engineers responsible for the colony's digital infrastructure. Our computer systems are the life's blood of this place---everything's monitored and controlled and kept running from a central hub, with redundancies built into every system as necessary. Our airlocks, our food production, our vehicles and maintenance drones---it's all dependent on our engineers, and they take the work very seriously."
"Can't imagine there's much on Mars that doesn't get taken seriously," Scott comments, and then lobs a question of his own into the mix. "What was he doing, the night he died?"
It's something easy, something that he technically already knows the answer to, having read the same report John has, if not as many times as John has. But this time Dr. Travers pause is too long to go unnoticed, and of the sort that seems to have a kernel of guilt buried in it, or reticence at least. She's almost apologetic as she answers, "He was...ah. As I said earlier, space is at a premium here. As we started getting settled on the planet properly, we began to transition out of these short-term modules and into more permanently constructed residences meant for long term habitation. Modules one through eight---we're in number five, now, I don't know if you'd noticed---were all cycled out of use, shut down and sealed. They'd been out of operation for over a hundred sols. With the arrival of Mr. Berringer's people, I'd given the order to have these modules evaluated and several of them reopened, in case we ever needed to accommodate any of the expedition's surveyors at short notice. Lieutenant Marston was in the process of examining and vetting module number three, when its airlock failed. The module decompressed and he was killed when it did so."
Scott's read Dr. Travers report. Twice, even. Due diligence. John's been over it several more times than that, and he has notes of his own to go with it---so probably John's already aware of the fact that they're currently in a carbon copy of the module where the first man to die on Mars met his end.
Scott hadn't quite caught onto that yet, and the realization is a bit of a punch in the gut.
John's used to airlocks, though. There are three aboard TB5, and they're just a fact of life, for John. John's a real astronaut and real astronauts probably aren't afraid of sudden, unexplained airlock failures. He's pretty sure he's even heard John joke about that, once or twice. If John's not nervous of the airlock, then Scott has no reason to be. Still, he's aware of the fact that his eyes cut to the module door and that his posture shifts involuntarily. He's also aware of the fact that John catches the movement.
---And Dr. Travers does too, and Scott gets the uncomfortable reminder that he's the only non-astronaut in the room, as she hurries to reassure him, "But I wouldn't have put you here if I weren't certain of your safety. We tested and retested every one of these modules and their airlocks immediately after it happened. What happened was made to look like a malfunction---and to my engineers, it did---but its conditions weren't replicable within any other system, when they ran the standard tests. They were very thorough. Short of deliberate tampering, there's no way another could fail. As long as the proper protocols are observed, there's no reason for concern."
"Oh, no. Of course not," Scott says, but he has to swallow before he does so. "Yeah, no, it's fine. Sorry. Please continue."
There's a brief moment in which he catches John's gaze, but he doesn't hold it, and instead---in defiance of the flutter of anxiety, though it makes no real difference---Scott starts pull his gloves off. John's attention returns to Dr. Travers, and he continues as though there's been no interruption. "How exactly did it happen?"
Dr. Travers pauses again and seems to need to steady herself slightly before she answers, "No one actually witnessed it. It was past sundown, it was his last work order for the day. As near as we could tell, he'd entered the airlock without his helmet on. Strictly speaking this is a break in protocol---but everyone's been here for at least a hundred sols now, and occasionally people will let things slide. There's a window on the exterior door, it's not hard to imagine that he might have wanted to take a look outside for some reason, didn't want to bother suiting up completely. In a perfectly operational system, this wouldn't have been a problem---he'd left the interior door open, as a precaution, because the exterior hatch should not be usable in that case. It should have remained locked. It didn't. Both the module doors were found open behind him, he'd been thrown to the base of the ramp up into the module when it lost pressure, like a bullet out of a gun."
John nods his understanding, but none of this is new information for him. It's not technically new information for Scott, either, but hearing it rendered by another person, with her voice shaking and her hands twisted in her lap---it makes it real, in a way it wasn't before. He's let John take over because this is John's job, this is what he's best at. John's job is getting important information from people who are scared or hurt or compromised in a way that makes the truth that much harder to ascertain.
But the way John remains outwardly impassive and detached is a little bit unbelievable, for Scott. The impulse he has, and the impulse he gives into, is to cross the room, to take a knee on the floor beside Dr. Travers, and to put a comforting hand on her arm. She offers him a rather watery smile in response, and John clears his throat.
"That tracks with the official incident report, as completed by Captain Hill, and as you authorized for submission. But under the Orion Protocol, you encoded and included evidence to indicate that the airlock had been tampered with---that Captain Taylor's secondary evaluation indicated that someone had interfered with the system. Can you clarify what his findings were?"
John's just doing this. John hasn't had to think about it, hasn't displayed any outward evidence of preparation for this kind of conversation, and yet he adopts the language without the slightest difficulty. It seems brusque, almost unkind, until Scott realizes that maybe Dr. Travers takes a kind of refuge in the same formality---that the pair of them are speaking a shared dialect, because she answers in kind.
"Under Orion, I included a statement issued by Captain Taylor, indicating his belief that someone had disabled the failsafe that would've prevented that exterior door from opening without the airlock having sealed. Having examined the system, he came to the conclusion that it had been done deliberately---that panels within the airlock's control system had been accessed and that from that access point, self-deleting code could have been introduced, and then purged after that single failure had occurred. He...he demonstrated the same process for me, independently, in a separate module. He replicated that same failure. Then he double-checked to ensure that none of the other pods had been similarly tampered with."
"Shit, that's awful," Scott mutters, without quite meaning to, and breaks the formality of the mood.
John ignores him, but Dr. Travers looks up and pats the hand he's rested on her arm, before he can apologize for the language and the interruption. "Yes," she agrees. She sighs, and there's a weariness to her that makes Scott's heart ache. "I almost wish I hadn't asked him, which is a horrible thing to think and a horrible thing to want---but it's so hard to have to know that someone's done this. It feels wrong to say it, but an accident would've been so much easier to cope with. I have a responsibility to the truth and to the safety of my people here, but---the truth is so very much like a nightmare."
There's that word again, and Scott winces. Nightmare. It seems so long ago that Scott first heard John use it, but in reality it's only been about forty-eight hours. Now that they're here and in the company of someone who needs them---someone who's more frightened by this than John ever could be---there's no trace of fear or anxiety in his brother, none of what he can see in Dr. Travers now, lurking just below her carefully composed surface. Scott feels a flicker of guilt for automatically extending Dr. Travers his sympathy, when he hadn't felt John deserved the same, but it's not like it matters. His brother doesn't seem in need of it now.
"Why did you ask him? If your engineers were satisfied with the explanation that it was an individual fault in a single system and that Marston's death was accidental, why did you feel the need of a second opinion?"
It's hard, watching Dr. Travers, to discern between her weariness and her anxiety and her diminishing composure, but Scott still gets the sense that something about this question makes her uncomfortable. His sympathy for the woman flares up again, and he has to stop just short of glaring at his brother, for taking such an accusatory tone. But she shrugs Scott's hand off her arm, almost absently, and shifts where she sits, lifts her chin and meets John's gaze evenly. "Because Lieutenant Marston was waiting for me, when it happened. I was the one who found him. He'd been in the process of examining each of these pods for the course of about a week, and when he finished for the day, I would sign off on each of his evaluations. I don't know how exactly that airlock on that module was meant to fail, but it's entirely possible---probable, even---that it was meant to fail with me in it."
10.
Scott is who he is, and so after their interview with Dr. Travers wraps up, he attempts to walk the Commander the bare eight feet of distance between her seat on the couch and the door. John gets to his feet to see her off, and he shakes her hand as they say their good nights. Dr. Travers promises to give them both a full tour of the colony in the morning, but she's plainly exhausted. Having to take her guests through the all the grim and grisly details of the situation probably hasn't helped.
But it needed to be done, and in spite of how it might have made Dr. Travers feel, for his part, John feels better for having done it. Getting to render the problem into something real and present and apprehensible, instead of some shapeless concept hanging in the ether. A problem he can understand is a problem he can solve, and if he hasn't quite shaken off the worst of the dread, exactly, John at least feels resolved to the task at hand.
It doesn't seem like Scott can say the same, and John's absolutely not even a little bit smug about that, watching his brother staring at the airlock door for longer than necessary after Dr. Travers makes her exit. It's certainly not a moment of completely needless cruelty that has him announce, "Pop your helmet back on, Scotty, I'm gonna screw around with the airlock a bit."
The flicker of horror that crosses his brother's features is in no way retribution for the fact that John's been dragged to Mars in the first place, because he's definitely not that petty. Scott's having none of it, in any case. "Fuck no She's got us staying in a literal deathtrap. Jesus, John, were you listening to the woman?"
"Probably better than you were, if you think this place is a deathtrap," John answers, shrugging and pretending at the same flippancy that Scott affects when he's trying to be annoying. "Technically it's more like a murder weapon."
For the first time since this whole thing started, Scott the one giving him a look, another of their father's hand-me-down glares. John continues, casual and unconcerned, "---But you're right, it can wait until tomorrow. I do want a look at it, but for now we should probably settle in for the night."
If Scott's relieved by this, he covers for it well and seems to consider the matter settled for the night. He jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the door into the bathroom. "Dibs on the first shower."
If it's anything like the shower aboard TB5, this will be nothing to envy, and John's in no rush. "All yours."
Once Scott's ducked into the bathroom, John takes the opportunity to strip out of his blues, down into the undersuit he wears beneath. This is a satiny black unitard not unlike what a dancer would wear, open at the feet and with its sleeves cropped just above his biceps. It's a smart fabric designed to provide a responsive interface for his uniform's biocircuitry against his bare skin, and to help regulate his body temperature. It's more complicated (and more expensive) than what it appears to be, because all it appears to be wouldn't amount to much more than a handful of lycra. John fishes around in his bag and pulls on a pair of sweatpants, out of modesty more than strict necessity, and sits back down against the curving outer wall of the module with his tablet in hand.
It's a matter of relative ease to connect this to the module's main display, a large screen on the wall across the room, and then to have a cursory look over the colony's local network. There's a great deal to look at and once or twice he strays near a distracting digital rabbit hole or a thickety technological garden path---but he manages to keep his focus, and instead patches his way into the colony's nearest comm array. From this access point he sets up a remote link with TB3, and makes himself a neat little private relay, secured and encrypted, a link with TB3's shipboard comms, more powerful on their own than anything the colony has to offer.
Then, dutifully, he puts in a call to Global-One.
Of the satellites in orbit above Earth, the WWSA's newest and most powerful station is one of the only craft capable of making contact with the Martian colony, and thus the only official access point for communication data from the Red Planet. And he'd promised that this would be his first call.
"Captain O'Bannon," he says in greeting, when the comm connects. Straight video, via a camera built into the top of the display across the room. Nothing as fancy or complex as a hologram, to save on their limited bandwidth. The video quality is better than he expects, thanks to the boost from TB3's comms, but better than he expects is still fairly fuzzy and pixelated. Even so, Ridley O'Bannon's familiar silhouette against the backdrop of Global One's command deck is a welcome sight, and he's glad to see her.
"John Tracy," is her automatic answer, and he can hear the smile in her voice, though she's trying very hard to keep a straight face. "How's Mars, you unbearably lucky bastard?"
"Mars is fine."
Ridley's not the sort of person to let him get away with that. Even from a hundred and forty million miles away, her outrage at the understatement is palpable. "Mars is fine," she echoes, disbelieving. "Tracy, have you had a head injury? Did you pull a few too many G's on your descent? Mars is fine? I am attempting to have this experience vicariously, so you're gonna have to take a mulligan on that one. Try again."
Before he can answer, John hears the sound of running water as Scott starts up his shower---the sound of pressure in the pipes is louder than he expects, and distracts him for a moment. Maybe longer than a moment, because Ridley snaps her fingers into the camera on her end and whistles for his attention. "John. How. Is. Mars?"
Ridley doesn't know why he's really here. This is about ninety percent of the reason he's called her, because for Ridley's benefit, he's going to have to try to keep up the pretense that he's just as thrilled and excited to be here as he should be. He's hoping it'll help, as he starts, "Mars...Mars is---"
When the sun sets, the sky is shaded in a blue that wants to be violet. The planet's surface is vast and barren and alien and yet somehow lent some impossible sense of normalcy by the presence of the people who'd been waiting for them when they landed, who'd already staked their claim. There's gravity, but less of it; there's an atmosphere, but less of it. There's sunlight, but he'd only caught the last fading glimpse of their faraway star, and then night had fallen, and been darker and colder and just different from night on Earth. Or in space. And now he's further from home than he's ever been, even for being the member of his family that lives his life twenty-two thousand miles above the surface of the Earth. These are the sorts of numbers he's supposed to be good at getting his head around, and yet the notion of a hundred and forty million miles just sort of fizzles on the surface of his brain, and fails to penetrate.
John doesn't say any of that.
Mars is home to at least one murderer. Mars is the worst possible place to try and corner a killer, and yet that's what he and his brother propose to do. Mars is quietly under siege, secretly held hostage by the sort of unimaginable monster John can only imagine having nightmares about. Mars is a place where it's frightfully easy to die, but where it should have been nearly impossible to be killed.
John doesn't say any of that either.
He's trailed off and she's staring at him. Snapping out of it, John shakes his head.
He's been too preoccupied by what's happened on Mars to have formed a proper opinion about Mars and so, a little guiltily, he has to shrug at the camera and fail to know how to say what Ridley wants to hear. "Mars is...dark. The sun was going down when we landed. Sunsets are purple here. I've met three people, and I've seen the inside of a rover and the outside of the colony, and you can see about sixty percent of the pod where we're staying. It's...it's a lot, I guess. Mars is a lot. I guess maybe it all hasn't quite had the chance to sink in yet."
It's not a very satisfying answer, but she still seems satisfied. Her smile is a surprising source of comfort, and alleviates some of the guilt he feels for not appreciating this experience the way he should. "Well, that makes sense. I remember the first time I got to go to the Moon. For the first little while it just didn't seem real."
"Well, there's something I haven't ever done. The Moon. Maybe we're even."
She just chuckles at that. "Mmm, no, pretty sure you have me beat by an entire order of magnitude there. Pretty sure the Moon is old news, compared to Mars. People were still putting fossil fuels in their cars when we went to the moon. I have moon rocks on the mantelpiece back home. Nice try, Tracy. I appreciate the charity. You can bring me some rocks if you continue to feel charitable."
"For your kids?"
She looks agahst at the very suggestion. "No, you dolt, for me. What are those little goblins going to want with pieces of the Martian surface? They have rocks at home. As far as my boys are concerned, rocks are ammunition. Piece of advice---if you ever meet them? Don't give them anything you wouldn't want bounced off your skull."
Ridley has two children, a pair of boys whose names and ages John can't ever manage to remember, if and when he remembers to ask after them. He's reasonably certain that they're both younger than ten. He's never met them, though Ridley's made the sarcastic comment that her boys are now more impressed that their mother knows Thunderbird Five than they are that their mother is the astronaut in command of the WWSA's newest and most advanced space station. Given the tales that generally get told about Ridley's children, John's of the opinion that they'd probably be better served by introductions to Scott or Gordon, as far as meeting Thunderbirds is considered. And Gordon and Scott would probably be best served to keep their helmets on.
"Well, I can bring you some rocks, then. Probably. I'll have to check. People live here now, I'm probably going to have to ask before I take any rocks."
On the screen across the room, drifting idly in her station's zero-G, Ridley's inverted herself with respect to the camera and the exaggerated shrug of her shoulders is a little tricky to parse. "I've never been, but I'm pretty sure that if there's one thing Mars isn't short on, it's rocks."
John shifts on the couch to sit cross-legged, more comfortable than he expected to be, despite the lack of space. "It's the principle of the thing. There's probably some legal statute about who's permitted to take rocks from where, and for whom. You're supposed to be WWSA, Captain O'Bannon, shame on you."
Ridley just laughs at that. "I won't tell. If anyone asks, I'll say they're souvenirs from Roswell. C'mon, Tracy. Your dad left the first footprint on the surface, maybe you could commit the first crime!"
She doesn't know why he's really here, and there's no way she could know it's the worst possible thing she could've said. And it's been a long day and he's just had a long conversation with a woman in fear for her life, concerning the first crime on Mars.
And he doesn't mean it to happen, but silence falls in the wake of the sort of joke he usually would've bantered right back. It's a very rare kind of silence, the sort that only happens when John's been caught off his guard by something, and suddenly he's hyper conscious of his expression and his body language and the fact that he's frozen up in mid conversation. A long few seconds pass, and a flicker of concern crosses Ridley's features. "John?"
The sound of the bathroom door unsealing with a hiss of released pressure and a breath of steamy air spares him from having to answer, as Scott wanders out of the bathroom and into the field of view, still damp, with a towel cinched around his narrow hips.
There's still the faintest trace of soap suds gleaming on his skin and clinging at the base of his hairline, and he doesn't pay the video screen the least attention as he announces, "I think that thing makes up for a lack of volume with an excess of pressure, pretty sure I've been scoured. Hot as hell, though, so that's something---"
John presses his fingertips against his eyes and sighs loudly enough to be heard from Low Earth Orbit, interrupting his brother, "Scott."
"Hm?"
With his free hand, not looking up, John points to the video screen and hears the faintest squeak on the bare floor as his brother turns on his heel towards the camera, without the slightest trace of shame or embarrassment.
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"Captain O'Bannon! Good to see you!"
"Likewise."
John and his brother are almost equal in height and similar in build. They're both patterned after their mother, with her long, willowy limbs---but there are a handful of differences in the way they carry themselves. John's slender where Scott is rangy, lithe where Scott is lanky, fair where Scott is dark. Side by side, in spite of how they're similar, the pair of them are still a study in contrasts. John's always been vaguely aware of the idea that he and his brothers are all reasonably attractive adults, with good genes from both sides of the family, but he never really thinks about the idea in context.
And, another difference, Scott's name occasionally gets thrown around with the words billionaire playboy trailing after it like the tail of a kite, in a way John's never is. Occasionally the tabloids provide a reminder as to why. Scott has broad shoulders and chestnut hair, blue eyes and what's been described as a winning smile. He's also half-naked, for all intents and purposes, and being broadcast live onto the command deck of the most powerful WWSA station in orbit, apparently for the exclusive personal benefit of one of John's friends and colleagues.
"How's LEO treating you, Captain? World still spinning without us?"
"Oh, everything looks just fine from where I'm sitting."
Even without seeing her face, John can hear the salacious grin in Ridley's voice and he picks his tablet back up and takes the video off the main screen, switches to the smaller camera. "...aaaaand I think we'd probably better cut it off there. Big day tomorrow. Lots of Mars to see. Nice talking to you, Ridley."
Upside down again, Captain O'Bannon feigns a pout. "Aw! Put the other camera back on and tell your brother to turn around once or twice. He can take his time."
Scott's bad enough, but Ridley's infinitely worse. The pair of them barely know one another, and yet together they're just about unbearable. John can feel the heat in his face, and glances up to watch Scott gathering a change of clothes from his bag, whistling innocently as he does so. "Nice talking to you, Ridley."
"Spoilsport. Say good night to Scott for me."
"Yeah, say good night to Mr. O'Bannon for me."
"Good night, Scott!" Ridley calls over the speaker and waves cheerfully for John's benefit. "Enjoy Mars!"
"Night, Captain! Thank you!" Scott answers, and John disconnects the call.
And then it's just him in his brother, and John's more embarrassed than he is exasperated as he sets his tablet aside and rubs at his eyes again. Scott's pulled a pair of pajamas out of the bag of gear he'd left on one of the pod's narrow counters, and he tosses a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt casually over his shoulder. As he crosses back to the bathroom to change, he comments idly, "I like Captain O'Bannon. She's remarkably so down to Earth, for someone who lives in space. But it always seems so weird to me that she's happily married with two kids, because I guess sometimes I forget that not all astronauts are like you."
The door clicks shut behind him before John allows himself a faintly irritated sigh. The slightly skeptical stress laid on the phrase "like you" is the closest Scott ever gets to actually applying a label to one of the biggest differences between the pair of them. In John's books, aromantic and asexual would be ideal, as far as an appreciation of his preferred labels---but Scott just can't ever seem to get there. It doesn't come up often, but when it does, Scott manages both to be the person who draws attention to it and the person who insists on talking around it, as though he's charitably playing along for his little brother's benefit. These days, at least where Scott's concerned, John's mostly content to settle for the retirement of the term abnormal.
And it's not really a sore point John wants to dwell on, especially not here and now, with so much else to worry about. So he makes no comment of his own as Scott comes back out of the bathroom, changed into his pajamas now, yawning and toweling off his hair. "We've got a lot to do tomorrow," John says instead. "And you were awake the whole flight out. You gonna get some sleep?"
Scott looks a little surprised at the exemption implied by the question. "You aren't?"
John shakes his head, settles himself more comfortably on the couch as Scott drifts to the ladder beneath the hatch up into their sleeping quarters, puts a hand on one of the rungs. "I'm good for a while yet, I'll catch a nap sometime tomorrow. I want to see what I can get into, digitally, get a head start. Colonist records, that kinda thing. Commander Travers gave me a handful of administrative privileges on the local network. I'll see what I can find out." John shrugs. "I don't know. Flying a bit blind."
Scott doesn't seem to think so, by the way he's staring, halfway between awe and bemusement. And he says as much, "Doesn't sound like it. Did you really always want to be an astronaut, or did living up to Dad's legacy secretly trample over the ambitions of a plucky redheaded boy detective?"
John scoffs at that and rolls his eyes. Scott's not the only offender, nor even the worst, but his brothers occasionally have the bad habit of attributing to some special talent what's more easily explicable as hard work and thoroughness. "It's just working the problem, Scott. It's just my job."
"More than I'd know how to do."
That much is true, and they both know it. It's why John's here in the first place. He still waves the compliment away and quotes something Scott had said earlier, deflecting, "Yeah, well, you're the Watson."
Scott cracks a grin at that, and puts his foot on the bottom rung of the ladder. "Yeah, and I guess Holmes didn't sleep like a normal human being either. At least he had cocaine as an excuse. All right, John. Whatever you think is best. Good luck. But crash out if you do get tired, okay? We're supposed to be pretending this is a vacation."
John's already dropped his attention back to the tablet in his hands, keying in the administrator's login and the password Dr. Travers had given him, before she'd left. He pretends he hasn't heard the word vacation and doesn't look up as he says, "Good night, Scott."
"Night, John."
Act 2
11. Interlude
There are 402 people alive on Mars, as of midnight, Sol 460. Two of them aren't residents.
Accounting for the presence of two guests, and allowing for the fact that there's been a murder, the number of people who belong on Mars is a matter of minor debate.
Because, strictly speaking, it was meant to to be an even 400. It's an even 400 once again, but only because one of the people meant to be on Mars has been killed.
The population of Mars was a carefully calculated, carefully planned sort of number. Thousands of applicants were considered. Requirements were stringent, and the process was long. To say nothing of the actual six months spent in flight to the Red Planet, the preceding years called for complicated, intensive training, a years' long program designed to prepare the colonists for their lives on Mars. Everyone here has been carefully chosen, vetted, and above all, prepared to live this life. They've spent half a year together over the course of the journey to Mars, and have known each other for years longer than that. They're a community.
Of course, one of the first actions taken by Commander Travers was to deliberately upset that carefully calibrated, delicate balance, by adding an extra member to the colony's roster, a man whose name and actions made him a legend on the Red Planet, but who's actual presence wasn't ever expected.
Not unwanted. Not even unwarranted. But not expected.
After his actions in helping International Rescue to land a transit ship that would otherwise have been lost to deep space, or smashed into death and debris amidst an asteroid field, there'd been no question that Captain Lee Taylor had a right to remain on Mars and indeed, that he'd received a hero's welcome.
And there's a sense of rightness to it; that Lee Taylor, second man on Mars, would choose to spend the second half of his life on the Red Planet. It's not a reward he would ever have asked for, but to have it offered, there was no way he could possibly have turned it down. He has just as much right to be here as anyone else does, if in a different way. His is a belonging of circularity, of long-established destiny. Lee Taylor's name is carved into a monument where he and his partner took their first steps onto the planet's surface, and on that strength, he's as entitled to be here as anyone else.
But there are people who would argue that he shouldn't be.
And strictly speaking, they wouldn't be wrong.
12
Martian dawns are the same bluish violet as Martian sunsets, and Scott wakes up in time to watch the first sliver of the sun, silvery and distant, as it crosses the horizon. There are two small portals in the upper part of the module, but the light through them is dim, and the colour of it makes the space seem colder than it is, such that Scott shivers when he pushes the blankets back. The other bunk is still empty, not that Scott had expected otherwise.
John's got a project. Reliably, when presented with a wealth of new information, John has the impulse to sit down and categorize it all according to its potential relevance, and to condense it down into a format easily apprehensible by his brothers. The rapid acquisition and management of data is something John's raised to an art form, a type of intelligence so sufficiently advanced as to be indistinguishable from magic. At least as far as Scott's concerned.
So, after dressing in a fresh uniform, when Scott comes down from the lofted sleeping quarters, he finds John precisely where he'd left him the night before. He's still sat on the couch, cross-legged and with the tabletop pulled down in front of him, an auxiliary display beside his tablet projecting data arrayed in hologram above it. Across the room the pod's display screen still glows bright, and John's abstracted by some complexly cross-indexed manifest, muttering to himself under his breath. He doesn't take his eyes from the display in front of him, and doesn't say good morning, so much as he just waves vague acknowledgment in Scott's approximate direction, and then returns immediately to whatever had his attention.
Wise to the consequences of breaking John's concentration at a moment like this, Scott skirts the edge of the room and occupies himself at the small kitchen module. It's not dissimilar to a compact version of what exists back home on the island, and eventually Scott manages to perform the borderline occult ritual necessary to produce a surprisingly tantalizing cup of black coffee.
The fresh aroma of this, rather than Scott's actual presence, is what gets John's attention, though his gaze doesn't break from the display as he asks, "Is that for me?"
Scott pauses, deliberately, with his coffee cup halfway to his lips and an arched eyebrow. But as those same few mildly incredulous seconds pass, he does a quick mental calculation, with regard to the relative difficulty of making a second cup of coffee, John's obvious preoccupation, and the dark circles beneath his eyes.
There are a lot of reasons why John will eschew sleep, and the majority of them have to do with the work that he does in support of the work his brothers do. Sometimes, owing to the typically disparate nature of John's role within IR, it's possible Scott doesn't always account him the same sort of credit he extends to Virgil, shifting earthquake debris, or Gordon, mopping up an oil slick, or Alan, rocketing off to Jupiter. They all joke about John, that his job is so easy he doesn't even weigh anything while he does it. Most of John's workload is of the mentally rather than the physically taxing sort, but it's still work, and it's how John's spent his first night Mars. The fact is, Scott's had eight hours of sleep where his brother hasn't, and probably the first cup of coffee of the morning should have gone to him by default.
So Scott lowers his coffee cup with a barely audible huff of private amusement, and delivers it to the tabletop at his brother's elbow, where it's immediately and gratefully seized. "Guess that's officially your version of 'good morning', then," he comments wryly, even as John takes a cautious first sip.
John swallows and has the decency to look slightly abashed, even as he rubs his eyes. He goes sheepishly through the requisite pleasantries, "Sorry. Thanks. Morning, Scott. Sleep okay?"
"Pretty well, I guess. Took a while to warm up. It's colder in here than I expected." Scott turns back to the kitchen module, and proceeds to make a second cup of coffee.
"The sun is a hundred and forty million miles away." John's' apparently been untroubled by the same affliction, though the steam rising from his stainless steel mug makes it plain that the air in their shared accommodation is cooler than it might be. His attention drawn to the chill in the room, he absently rubs his hands up and down his arms. "I guess I didn't notice 'til you mentioned."
Scott scoffs quietly to himself, but with a certain sort of affection. "No, of course you didn't." A few more quiet moments pass, and the module chimes with the completion of his own cup of coffee. He turns to lean against the counter and regards his brother expectantly. "So," he starts, suppressing a grin, "you solved it yet?"
It's only a joke, but it still precipitates a groan and grimace, as John takes another sip of his coffee. He sets the cup aside, unfolds himself and gets up off the couch that curves along the exterior wall. The stiffness in his limbs is plainly apparent and Scott finds himself certain that John's missing zero-G. Even Martian gravity is more than his usual, and his brother paces a few short strides, stretches his legs and rolls his shoulders.
"That'd be a no, then," Scott concludes. He pushes away from the counter and crosses the room to take a seat on the only available seating, settles himself down. "Well, it's only day one, don't worry about it. You gonna hit the shower before we head out? Commander Travers said to expect our ride at 0800h, and we've still got about an hour or so. Try and wake yourself up a bit."
"I'm not tired," is John's immediate, automatic answer, but its one Scott's heard before. Polyphasic sleep or no, they've got a big day ahead, and objectively John isn't at his sharpest. He must catch the implication of doubt in Scott's pointed silence, though, because he relents shortly thereafter "---But a shower's not a bad idea."
"Do you want me to reconstitute you some breakfast, or have you been snacking all night?" Scott's appetite is already dulling at the prospect of space food, but he'd be a hypocrite not to attempt to put his best foot forward today, and to be fed and caffeinated and ready to go.
John's already drifted to the bathroom door, and he declines with a shake of his head. "No, I already ate. And you're not reconstituting anything, the food we've got is all fresh from their greenhouses. The algae pucks are a bit of a challenge, but they do the job, as far as protein goes. The mushrooms are good. Try the potatoes."
The bathroom door clicks shut, but Scott doesn't stir himself from the couch, having been thoroughly and completely put off the idea of breakfast by the use of the term "algae pucks". He downs some more coffee instead and idly browses through the data John's pulled up via his tablet, connected to the colony's local network. In the past eight hours, John's gone deep into whatever information he could get his hands on, but Scott can't make head or tail of any of it.
But there's an obvious conclusion to be drawn, and it's that by this point, John's probably got a bedrock of knowledge about the colony that might not entirely work to their advantage. There's a necessary duality to their presence on Mars, and in Scott's opinion, it's not going to be helpful if John seems to know more about the colony than he really should, as an outsider. It might be possible to pass it off as enthusiasm, or obsessive interest, but Scott doesn't think this is the easiest option.
Scott mulls this over as his brother takes a shower. He doesn't comment when John gets done and crosses the room, makes his way up to the lofted sleeping quarters. There's a sort of omnipresent white noise to the habitation pod that Scott doesn't know if he's going to grow accustomed to. Everything that makes the place habitable also makes the place quietly noisy. John's up top, but he's making less of a racket than their life support does, as he gets himself into his uniform.
Partially to take his mind off the omnipresence of the noise, Scott finishes his coffee and gets off the couch, crosses the room to lean against the wall by the ladder. He glances upward at the open hatch and calls, "You realize we're both going to have to play this one pretty dumb, right?"
There's a rather obvious silence (or as close as it gets) from overhead, and then the sound of booted footsteps, and then John leans over the hatch and peers down from the upper floor, apparently offended by the suggestion that he might need to play dumb. "Um. No?"
Ironically, it's Scott's opinion that John's playing pretty dumb at the moment, because from his perspective it's an obvious conclusion. "Um, yeah. You're the one who said it, that the murder thing needs to stay strictly on the down-low. That means we need to act like we don't actually realize how incredibly tasteless and inopportune our timing is. This guy is less than a week dead, the first death on the entire planet. And we rock up in our big red rocketship, expecting a grand tour and preferential treatment and whatever the hell else, just because we're the two eldest sons of Colonel Jeff Tracy? We'd have to be idiots." Scott shrugs and pushes off the wall as his brother's boots find the top rungs of the ladder. "I know idiocy isn't exactly your strong suit."
"Lying isn't exactly my strong suit," John corrects primly, and his boots hit the floor of the module. Standing flat, in full uniform, John gains at least an inch and a half of height, and ends up only just a hair shorter than Scott is. It's the boots that do it, and Scott finds himself straightening up, almost unconsciously, especially as John gives him an evaluating once over. "Smart-cop, dumb-cop?" he suggests, and in the moment it takes to parse this suggestion Scott's not entirely sure he's joking.
"Uh. We're not cops. You're the one who's been emphatic on that point; we are one-hundred percent totally and completely not cops."
"Well, no, but you know what I mean."
"You mean I'm the dumb cop, is what you mean."
John shrugs and neatly sidesteps this interpretation, as he explains, "More that I'm the smart cop, is what I meant. Of course I don't mean that you're dumb-dumb, but...like, there are better reasons for you to know less than I do, or at least to act like it. Objectively you do know less than I do. But I'm in a position to talk to these people as someone who actually understands the mechanics of what they're doing out here. If I have a dozen questions about how exactly their airlocks work, that's just going to be another astronaut taking a professional interest. If you do, it's going to be a civilian paying uncomfortably close attention to something no one's going to want to talk about. You're the one who wants to play dumb. So lean into it. It probably won't be hard."
One of these days, when the timing is a little less awkward, Scott plans to make a snide comment about just how much extra effort John expends, talking around the fact that he thinks Scott's an idiot. Now's not the time.
So instead he says, "I guess we'll just play it by ear."
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herrlindemann · 1 year
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ROCK HARD - June 2004 - Interview with Paul Landers
Germany's currently most successful rock band was completely submerged for a year. Although the DVD 'Lichtspielhaus' was released recently, the actual concentration of the six Rammstein musicians is solely on the next studio album. Guitarist Paul Landers exclusively answered our questions shortly after Easter and revealed everything worth knowing about the upcoming record, about interpersonal problems within the band, about the relationship with Wladimir Klitschko and about the attempt to lyrically process a cannibal.
Paul, where are you right now?
At home in Berlin. Shortly before Easter we flew from Stockholm, where we are recording our new record, to Germany. Our producer and our mixer have families and children. That's why they just wanted to switch off over Easter.
Is this break in your interest, or did it burst into a creative phase?
Since we are also family people, we didn't find it bad at all. Olli likes to surf and tries to spend every free minute at the sea to quickly jump on a board. He spent Easter on the Baltic Sea, and now we're practically on our way to Stockholm again.
Before we get to Stockholm and the new record, I'd like to talk to you about the past.
Yes, so the band name comes from...(laughs)
Have you been listening to your previous albums, especially 'Mutter’, lately?
Yes. Recently, when we were in the middle of pre-production, I bought an mp3 player and put our albums on it. Then I walked around town all day and listened to all the songs we had.
Did you ever notice that at the time of your debut, 'Herzeleid’, everyone was philosophizing about the incredible guitar sound, but the true sound wonder 'Mutter’ was almost taken for granted?
I don't know now which is better and worse. At least the fact is that 'Herzeleid' sounds rawer. 'Mutter’, on the other hand, sounds smoother, more produced. However, 'Herzeleid' was then in a more extreme position than 'Mutter’ years later. Don't forget when the albums came out. 'Mutter' came out at a time (2001) when many other guitar bands were making records that sounded as good or better than our songs. That's why 'Mutter’ didn't go down in history as a milestone. In hindsight, I find 'Herzeleid' rather cute and today I don't think: Wow, what a sound!
Your producer was Jacob Hellner from the start. To exaggerate: when he hears his work on 'Mutter’, he should almost be ashamed of 'Herzeleid'.
He learned as much as we did and at the time did the best work he was capable of. Both he and we went to our limit at the time. When I see an old photo of myself, I feel ashamed of the clothes I wore back then. Then I think: man, what were you wearing back then? It becomes difficult when I already know now that I think it's very good and that in three years' time I'll also be ashamed. It's always like that.
And is it the same with your sound?
Exactly. At first you think in awe: Mannomann! That's what the Beatles used to think after hearing their four-track recordings. According to the motto: Now the bass drum really has steam (laughs)! And that's exactly how it is with us. When we hear our new songs today, we are totally blown away by the sound and think: Awesome! But in ten years the record will be in the oldie department.
It is said that with 'Mutter’ you couldn't repeat your previous success in the USA and instead had to start from scratch.
Not from the start. But we had a huge success with our second record 'Sehnsucht' and with the single 'Du hast'. That single did fantastic in the States and we had way more success than we could ever have imagined. We took this success for granted and thought: Alright, America is at our feet! Later we were surprised that 'Mutter’ wasn't doing so well.
At first we thought we had to play over there more often. So that's what we did. However, there was also the fact that a certain person, who had looked after us fantastically up until then, left our American record company. This person was infected by us and that is exactly why it is so valuable to us. And England showed that things can be done differently: 'Mutter’ was our most successful record there. All in all, it was certainly helpful for us to experience that things can go not only uphill, but also downhill. However, we were able to cope well with the decline in America because things were going very well in Europe.
Isn't it the case for rock bands in the USA: out of sight, out of mind?
No, because the closer Rammstein fan community isn't there like before. We are established in Europe. In the States, on the other hand, we are still considered exotic, a kind of insider tip with a certain, solid basis. And that base is about 2,000 people per concert. And the people who go beyond that base belong to the "out of sight, out of mind" category.
What were you doing at half past four in the morning on Easter Sunday?
Wait a minute, I can tell you exactly that: I just dreamed of a camel.
So you weren't sitting in front of the telly watching heavyweight boxing?
Klitschko? No, I have not.
I'm asking because your hit 'Sonne' was originally intended as a marching anthem for Wladimir Klitschko.
Yes, but the song was too hard for him.
Was the song really too hard, or do Klitschko think that Rammstein is an evil band?
Does that mean that Klitschko is too nice? Maybe (laughs). We thought it up really well: The whole arena counts — one, two, three, up to ten, and then "Out!”. Exactly at "Out!” Klitschko comes into the arena and goes to the ring. The moment he raises his arms in the ring, the chorus sounds: "Here comes the sun! “ That was the plan.
Anyway, the idea was great.
Yes, the idea was good. He should have done that, then maybe he wouldn't have suffered defeats. As for his last fight, I think someone put something in his water.
Maybe it was just fear that paralyzed him.
No, he was obviously in shape.
Or it was fear of one's own courage.
He may not have any courage to be afraid of. Ah, I don't know. Maybe someone who finds Rammstein too hard is too soft for boxing. He's too weak.
Was 'Sonne’ created specifically because of Klitschko?
Yes, if there hadn't been this request back then, the song wouldn't have existed like this. When the request came, Till sat down and described the topic of boxing in words so that it didn't seem so flat. And then the song came into being in the rehearsal room.
What if there was a request from hockey, football or wrestling?
Oh no, we like the Klitschkos. I also think that the two brothers still have their careers ahead of them.
In any case, one of your best songs ever remained from the failed story.
And that's why it didn't matter that things didn't work out with Klitschko. The song was good. In any case, we thought: You can't force someone to be happy. If someone really wants to march in to Tina Turner's 'You're Simply The Best', they can. It's a nice song too (chuckles).
And then there was a video clip with the big Snow White and you as six little dwarfs.
Yes, we generally try not to translate a video clip as a one-to-one text translation. In addition to the text, the viewer should be offered images that create another level that he would never reach without images.
Does the example 'Sonne' show that you are not fixed in terms of content and that you cannot be grasped, or does it show that the Rammstein brand is primarily about imagination?
It shows that we're pretty great. Before Snow White, we had the idea that there would be six of us on the plane that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.
You're not serious.
Yes! First comes the refrain - "Here comes the sun" - then the bomb goes off. However, we would have shown it as it really was. The pilots who sat in the atomic bomb planes are already dead. They took their own lives after being shattered by what they had done.
Immediately after the drop, one of the pilots yelled: "Oh, my God! What have I done?”
Exactly. The pilots had forfeited their lives. Anyway, we wanted to show how six people can do something like that.
Not a single music station would have broadcast this clip, especially not in the USA.
You shouldn't think like that. You have to think that you want to make a good video. Whether it will then be sent is the second question. However, that was one of many ideas that we ultimately scrapped. We now also calculate whether the masses could misunderstand us and our concerns. I can tell from your reaction that people wouldn't have understood us. At least I would have liked it if the atomic bomb had gone off in contrast to the beautiful chorus. Nobody could have resisted a corresponding feeling.
Certainly not. But the general public would completely misunderstand you. They would be outraged.
That's what everyone thinks. And that's why it's bullshit.
But what would have happened if it had worked out with Klitschko? Do you have an idea up your sleeve for this case?
Nope I don't know what would have happened then. Maybe then we would have done something together with Klitschko. But that would have been a shame, because we really enjoyed the Snow White story. The video shoot lasted two days. If we didn't feel like driving home from Babelsberg, we immediately slept in the little dwarf house. A friend of ours drove to the gas station and got a box with various drinks. After that we got locked in the studio and had a real dwarf party in the dwarf house. In the making-of part of the 'Lichtspielhaus' - DVD there is a place where Flake looks a bit disorganized and has some difficulties.
'Mutter’ was created to a large extent in a little house on the Baltic Sea...
The songs come from different places. But then we usually go to a place to record them as pre-production. As if summarizing all the notes. The last time the pre-production took place in Heiligendamm on the Baltic Sea.
The Baltic Sea seems to be very important to you, because some of you used to spend the summer time on the island of Hiddensee with your band Feeling B during the GDR era.
We still do. There are only two ways to go: Either you go to the mountains or to the sea.
Did you get to know each other better than ever in the little house in Heiligendamm - that is, in a small space?
No. The best way to get to know each other is on tour, because it doesn't get any closer than that. It's a bit like in the submarine. Every now and then you turn up and play a concert (laughs).
How did your new album come about? How can we imagine your new record without hearing a sound?
In contrast to our previous three albums, the new record was written in a different constellation. The ones who used to bring in a lot of ideas have stepped back this time, and those who used to have few song ideas are much more represented this time.
Who belongs to which group?
That is not important. It is important that the new album has a different tone color for the reason mentioned. And: In contrast to the last record, we had a lot of fun this time. The knot has broken. Also, due to time constraints for songwriting and pre-production, we didn't leave this time, but stayed in Berlin.
Does your statement mean that you had little fun working on 'Mutter'?
Yeah, 'Mutter’ really wasn't that much fun. The famous third album, as the saying goes. There were also personal reasons. After eight or nine years, the balance of power had shifted within the band. It actually happens in every band that Ritchie Blackmore quits because he can't go on with Jon Lord anymore. For years their friction was refreshing for the listeners, but at some point it gets on everyone involved so much that one has to drop out.
But nobody left Rammstein.
No, not that. But we also had gossip and stress between two people because of competence difficulties as well as over- and underestimation. We had to reorient ourselves. It also cracked. But — I knock on wood! — we got through it well, so we could work on the fourth album with fun.
You certainly don't want to mention the names of the two.
Correct. It can happen to anyone, because everyone is unreasonable from time to time.
Back to the richness of tone again: Can you speak of any major differences to 'Mutter’?
We tried to embed the vocals even more into the music. Or to put it another way: the music is more than ever a ring in which the singing comes into its own. Like ten white tigers. A platform, an aircraft carrier for the words (chuckles).
Very lyrically put...
Yes, I try to find the best words. In any case, the planes have to be able to take off nicely (laughs). Also, there are fewer riffs on the record because the guitars are kinda different.
More like a guitar rug?
I do not know it either. Somehow different. But there are people who have listened to it. In any case, for me the album is already different from 'Mutter’, and for the attentive Rammstein fan it certainly is too. Maybe not for my grandma, but every AC/DC song sounds the same to her. So do we: for some it will sound different, for others the new record is exactly the same. And both parties are probably right.
As someone who still appreciates your performance on 'Mutter’, I would like to say quite heretically: the new record can only be a disappointment. It's almost impossible to top 'Mutter’ or at least match it with an equal successor.
But I'm not making a record to top the last one. I always try to make a good album. Now that may sound boring. But your girlfriend won't break up with you either because you have a better...Okay, maybe that's a bad example (laughs).
You can really only find one girlfriend, any one. If you're lucky, it's a good one, and if you're unlucky, she looks pretty but she's daft. A woman can be pretty and everyone thinks, man, why doesn't he stay with her? But her character is completely insane. An album can also sound good, but it must also be fun to write this album. It has often been my experience that people who are less successful work very hard and without fun to be successful. And that, in contrast, people who tend to languish are mostly in good spirits. I have also met people who are very successful and who are totally relaxed.
What can I say: Metallica also continued after their black album. You don't write a good album so that you can't make another one afterwards. Rather, you try to make a good album every time. Or to put it diplomatically: another album, a further development.
Single song titles and various album titles are already floating around. Which titles actually exist?
First the record was going to be be called 'Amore', then 'Rosenrot', and finally we got to 'Rot'. At the moment it has no name at all and we call it 'The Red Album' in everyday parlance. We used to always choose the title after one of the songs, but that doesn't come out on this record. For example, a song is called 'Stein um Stein'. That somehow doesn't fit as an album title. So we're still looking. Another piece is called 'Rosenrot'.
Which is definitely about a woman...
It's about women always wanting something. And the man does it even though he knows it's not good — not good for either of them. But he does it anyway, and in the end he dies. What else can I tell you? A song about Moscow is included. And one about America.
Because you've been to both Russia and the US?
Not necessarily. One song is specifically about the city of Moscow. The America song is about our current relationship with America and the current situation. Lots of people bitch about America, opinion has swung against America a lot lately — because of that country's impeccable foreign policy (chuckles).
On the other hand, I looked in my closet. There were four jackets from America hanging in there. If you complain that the Americans get involved everywhere and are everywhere, then you should start with yourself. It's true that America is everywhere. But in many cases it can only be there because it is wanted. They don't force you to go to Burger King or put on Levi's. In this respect, it is about the positive and the negative in one whole.
A topic that would have been unthinkable at Rammstein five years ago.
Yes, but the America song in particular came to mind, because when we started work on the record, the Iraq war was on. You couldn't avoid that. We weren't looking for such a song theme, rather it was over-present.
By the way: Another innovation is that a little Russian and a little English is sung on the record. Possibly also French, but we don't know that yet. The album isn't designed to be international, but it's not one hundred percent German.
Russian isn't that far off.
Well, everything and nothing is far-fetched.
In any case, Russian fits very well with Till's form of expression.
We weren't specifically looking for that. It just turned out that way.
Richard Kruspe-Bernstein, your fellow guitarist, once said in an earlier interview that you want to make pop music with heavy riffs. Pop music also means that you reach a wide audience. At what point can one say in the case of Rammstein that you've reached a large audience, and at what point would an album be a flop in your eyes?
You have reached a broad mass when you look into the audience and there are men with mustaches standing there.
Everyone has a different definition of when an album is a flop. Personally, I don't go so much by sales numbers. Michael Jackson has sold about 40 billion or 40 million copies of 'Thriller' (laughs). The record after it only managed eight million and was a flop in his eyes and in the eyes of the media.
Eight million! That would be an absolute rocket for us. In this respect, it is a matter of opinion what a flop is.
Let's get back to the DVD 'Lichtspielhaus'. I find both the bank robbery clip and the making-of of 'Ich will’ impressive. This clip required tremendous acting. Did you have to practice for it, or did you develop a certain momentum during the shooting because you realized that the clip could be a real hit?
So if boys are allowed to play shooting, they don't need extra training for it. No, that was easy for us, especially since each of us has criminal tendencies. But it was also hard at times: after this shoot I wouldn't want to rob a bank because this special task force KSK — or SEK or something like that — is really tough. Richard told them not to go easy on it, just make it look real. The guys slapped us so brutally on the floor that my nose bled the first time I turned. You can't see that in the clip.
Unfortunately, the video didn't run very long on TV because it came at a time when two planes crashed into the World Trade Center. So people weren't too keen on a video clip of bank robbers taking hostages. Osama was first and we couldn't top that.
How big was the effort for this clip?
One day of shooting in and around the GDR State Council building.
How much does something like that cost?
You're asking the wrong person. In any case, our manager had negotiated a good video budget with the record company. Normally a band gets around 30,000 euros there. We had maybe 300,000 euros. I don't know, but I'm guessing. We were just lucky, because at that time the treaties from peacetime still existed before the whole dilemma began with the majors.
Your bass player Olli says in the making-of that your self-confidence when it comes to your own songs is washed. Does that mean that you weren't particularly comfortable with your early songs, with which you had incredible success?
No, we were just six naïve East Germans who were let loose on trained journalists. And we've awkwardly tried to resist things we shouldn't have resisted. When I read or listen to our old interviews, I always feel a bit ashamed. On the one hand we had no idea and on the other hand we always meant the best. But actually, from today's perspective, it's just embarrassing.
If people accused me of being right-wing radicals today, I would just giggle. In the past, I would have launched a lengthy defense speech. Kind of like: "But we... There and there..."
At that time, after all these accusations, we only started to think about who we are, what we have done and where we wanted to go. In the beginning we just started without thinking about what we are doing.
The piece 'Ich will’ is to be seen as a homage to being a rock star.
Exactly.
Other bands behave in an awkward manner on stage, annoy with percussion solos and animate with “Heyheyhey!” - and “Ohohoh!” - Call the audience to participate. You've exacerbated the whole thing by making fun of it.
The song is typical for us, because it's meant to be ironic, but then again it's not. Of course we're making fun of bands that start these join-in choirs. But we use it ourselves. We're also happy when people stand down and raise their arms and sing along. When we played 'Seemann' for the first time, we were terribly embarrassed that lighters were waved in the audience. It's okay now because it's part of it.
But there are different ways of animation. You can stand at the edge of the stage like Robbie Williams or Fred Durst and put your hand to your ear, which I find totally disgusting. I find sayings like: “Oh, this city here, Berlin. I love you, it's insane. It's the best concert of the whole tour." This is disgusting gluttony. But either people don't notice it or they don't see it as a prank. In this respect, these musicians should continue to do so.
You, on the other hand, generally don't talk on stage.
The man from the 'Tagesschau' doesn't say anything between the news either. He just presents the facts. It must be enough.
So Rammstein live means: facts, facts, facts.
(Laughs) We let the flames speak for us and don't have to say anything about it. There are many bands that don't talk. And there are bands that I find it cute when they talk a lot. For example Die Ärzte. I think the announcements are better than the music. When Farin talks, I'm happy.
What influence do daily events around the world and looking at the newspaper in the morning have on your ideas for songs and lyrics?
There are influences. For example, we're considering putting a piece about Armin Meiwes, the cannibal from Rotenburg, on our album.
Meiwes was convicted of eating another man...
What do you say: would you have judged him?
Morally, ha. I don't know whether he can be legally convicted.
Morally? Not that. He is legally to be condemned.
If you asked me to cook and eat you...
I would not do that.
But what if. And suppose I actually ate you. Then I would be a creature who should also be condemned from a moral point of view...
You cook your soup chicken too, and it didn't even ask you to. I find it a bit cheeky: When two people make up, one person asks, "Will you marry me?”, and the other one says “Yes, okay!”, because as a third party you don't interfere in their affairs. That's what the two actors in the cannibal story wanted. And if they were fine doing it, I see no reason to get involved.
That's what the stuff movies are made of.
If we did a music video about it, we could take parts from the original video that was shown in court.
But back to the topic: We can't imagine in our imagination that there are people who think it's good when they're peed on. Or that men who work in managerial positions find it good to be humiliated and whipped in a brothel. But there's all that, and there's a lot more, a lot more crass stuff. And when one of the crass things comes to light, everyone is suddenly surprised. Although such things always and everywhere exist.
And what if a cannibal goes unpunished, finds the next victim, kills and eats them against their will - but claims it was consensual?
He can have this confirmed in writing beforehand, quasi by a notary. Like euthanasia, which I support, by the way. I also think it's crazy that you have to buckle up in the car. Everyone should decide for themselves whether they want to buckle up or not. In general, I find the prescribing of security stupid. Everyone should do what they want. I don't mean speed limits in dangerous places. If someone is so stupid and thunders around the corner too fast, they should be punished for it. But if he doesn't want to buckle up, he's supposed to have the right to die on the tree.
Or traffic lights on the street: I have never signed anywhere in my life with which I agreed that I could go green and have to stop at red. I think it's cheeky that I have to stick to these rules. There used to be a forest here through which you could walk freely. Today there is a street with a traffic light. Actually, every citizen should take an oath at the beginning of his life: "I am willing to submit to myself here.” Instead, you are born and you are told: “Well, now join in here! Go join the army and get yourself shot for us! Pay taxes and stop at red”.
Were you in the army?
No, I didn't have time for that. But I pay quite a lot of taxes. If I get two apples from my record company, I have to give one apple back immediately.
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knockyasocksoff2022 · 4 months
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IDEALS [kunikidazai]
Ideal No. 2
(812 words)
When Kunikida looks at me like that I almost think that maybe he could share even an ounce of my feelings and then I remember his ideals: a list of 13 cursed things keeping me from being anything he would ever desire. A list he sticks to diligently.
I walk past him, pick-pocketing his notebook yet again just to see the list one more time, to once again stare down the traits that separate me from the realm of polite society and tease myself until I feel like I’m going to puke because that’s the kind of pathetic loser I am.
I open the book while its owner briefs Atsushi on how to prep a file for sending to the Gifted Special Operations Division.
The List is on the fourth page of the book and I flip there immediately, knowing I only have so much time before Kunikida notices its absence.
The page reads:
The Ideal Woman:
Peaceful
Quiet and calm
Down-to-earth
Long hair 
Confident and sure of themselves.
Polite with good manners
Likes to have long thoughtful, philosophical conversations
Cultural minded. 
Love travelling 
Interested in languages. 
Shares at least one of my passions (cooking, art, architecture)
Healthy
Trusting
Just to cause myself more pain I make a counter list in my head, or rather bring up the one I make every time I stare at this wretched book.
I am:
Hyper
Loud and Obnoxious
Unfocused and so lost in my dark thoughts I forget that other people exist
(have) short mousy hair
Extremely insecure about myself and my place among other humans, hell I’m not even human, I lost all humanity before age 18, and if I am somehow still human then I’m rapidly losing my humanity. (I don’t mind but I know others do)
What are manners again?
(someone who) thinks life has no meaning so why bother debating it
(have) never been outside of Japan before (mafia work-related missions don’t count)
Capable of speaking many languages but they bring me no excitement
Not someone who has even bothered to know what Kunilida likes (because I’m so selfish)
Mentally ill
Trust? Never met them, but they sound nice.
I want to rip the page right out but I hold my fingers stiff, gripping the notebook so hard I imagine it crumbling under my touch, I feel my fingers going numb but I can’t lose my grip.
I keep mentally crushing the book even as Atsushi looks directly at me. He looks worried, “Hey, um, Kunikida-san.”
Kunikida looks up from the paperwork, I know I’m busted but I can’t make myself do anything. “Yes, Atsushi-kun?”
“Dazai-san has your notebook again.”
“Wha-” Kunikida feels his pocket and turns around to me, “You pilfering pest, return it at once.” His voice is calmer than it usually is when he scolds me and I notice that his hand is almost as stiff as mine, outstretched to me.
He doesn’t seem to question my motivations for taking the book or what I saw but of course, I just have to make a joke anyway, an ill-timed insult because I can never just leave anything as is.
“Your taste in women is truly depressing Kunikida, so regular, so boring, so average.” I can see him getting angry and I want to say “Far too average for someone like you.” but a nice polite wife is really what is perfect for him so instead I just say “Gosh, I can just imagine it now, your children are going to be doomed to mediocrity.” and continue to rifle through the pages aimlessly, not actually paying attention to their contents, after a second the book is ripped from my hands and Kunikida walks away.
I want to laugh because Kunikida is so far from mediocre that no matter how dull a woman he chooses his children are bound to be smart at the very least. (At the same time this thought, of Kunikida settling down with a woman, makes me want to cry, and I know its so fucking selfish that the thought of him happy makes me feel so sick but I can’t help it.)
-
I wait the entire rest of the day for the lecture but even after he’s done helping Atsushi he says nothing. It worries me
I want to come to work early but I can’t make myself, and when I stroll in at 10:00 Kunikida doesn’t even glare at me.
I should’ve expected this. I’ve always known he was going to get tired of my antics and cut me off entirely, as he should. This makes me, a selfish, toxic person, sick to my stomach. We’re going to have to talk at some point, and I wish I wasn’t such a fuckup so that we could all move on from our lives because I don’t think I can stand any more of this.
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oh willow, where do i start... i'm pretty sure you were in my periphery before i started playing hsr, and i'm glad i stumbled back into your blog once i actually had muses to throw at you, because phew, what a rollercoaster of an experience in the best of ways. i absolutely love the quality of your writing and prose, and your portrayals are so?? i know we've mostly talked about ratio and a bit about stelle but i read everything you post for all your hsr muses, and your headcanons, and i love how distinct a voice they all have, how clearly defined and focused each of their portrayals are? it's really hard to pull off and you do it so well, pls what is your secret, teach me the ways o senpai. beautiful portrayals, beautiful writing, 12/10!!
Honest opinions. Closed! | @apocryphis
HEY NOW WAIT HOLD ON WYM--
AAAAAAAA?? ASLDFHKGDGSLKJHFSGDAFDLKJH I'M NO SENPAI SHUUUUSH!! tho this is a great opportunity to talk about my thought process if that's something you're interested in --
When it comes to my muses, aside from just, replaying their voicelines over and over and over and over and o-- (literally, this is what I did when I was starting to grasp Ratio's voice, I just played his speech to Screwllum on repeat), my first thought with a muse tends to be what angle do I want to write with them? And sometimes the muse just grips me by the throat and I have to flesh that out later (again, Ratio), but that's always my foundation. It's not why do I like this character and why do I resonate with them, but what story can I tell? For example, with Stelle, I knew I wanted a more quiet and contemplative outlook for her, rather than the silly Trailblazer we get in the game. I wanted to really focus on that question of her identity, her purpose, and what comes after? With Jing Yuan, the biggest focus for me was of course the weight of deification, and how that has isolated him and how he has to work through that. How that changes the relationships he has and had, and how he has to work through that. And with Ratio, almost right away I knew I wanted to focus on his philosophical side rather than anything else: why does he want to teach? What drives him? What holds him back from his potential? Why put in all the effort? From there I get my answers: he teaches because humanity is beautiful. Because it is effort and self awareness above all that defines wisdom. Because worship is born from complacency and ignorance. And from there, the portrayal was founded. As you can see, a lot of my focus is on the existential questions, which also ties back into my url for this blog, and yea--
ALL THIS IS TO SAY I'M GLAD YOU THINK THEY'RE ALL DISTINCT BECAUSE I REALLY DO TRY MY BEST TO MAKE THEM ALL DIFFERENT AND THANK YOU AAAAAAAAA ILY
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scph1001 · 4 months
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i finished innocent sin o7
i get why its very special for some people but i didnt find it incredibly impressive. i do judge it from the perspective that it is a game from 1998. but some of my favorite games are from the late 90s and have very well crafted stories and fun gameplay.
everything just felt a little lacking. in another world i think this could be one of my favorite parties in an RPG- but once again it just felt like there needed to be a bit more of everything. a bit more about everyone reconnecting with jun. more with juns guilt. good ideas are presented- everything just feels underdeveloped. i feel like this is especially apparent with eikichi. eikichis minor plot with his father was always vaguely there. and fighting his dad in the final dungeon is good- but it has no weight and it feels almost like its played for a joke.
also i think tatsuya being a silent protagonist works against the game alot sorry. i understand there are things you can infer but hes a silent protagonist he doesnt have a personality. it makes the shadow tatsyua part a little. aggravating. since the game is trying to make implications about you and they do it in the way psychics do where its vague shit that everybody kinda deals with. also tatsuya being nothing hinders jun since the two are so essential to one another. i dont believe maya when she compares the two so often since tatsuya is literally no one. from what i know i think hes a bit more in eternal punishment but thats not now.
i like that the plot had many moving pieces and its one of those games where i could describe it to you and it would seem like the craziest thing ever. but it all feels like smoke and mirrors.
honestly i can imagine loving the story if they got more philosophical. since the game is based in rumors becoming fact you can get into some really interesting ideas about whats real and it calls into question every single thing about the world of innocent sin. i know i cant really complain about the game not doing something it didnt set out to do- but i feel like this is an approach p2 would take if it was made in the modern era. and also the game is kinda almost doing stuff like that since the entirety of the nazi stuff in the current day p2 world was just created from rumors. i do think they could have done some interesting stuff with post war japan and the damage of conspiracy theories- but once again everything is a bit surface level.
on the other end though. i feel like some of the things in the game ending up just being rumors kinda takes away from them. like juns dad being dead and replaced by some omnipresent being im a bit less into since i think there could be more with the family drama. i know i was just saying i wanted more fake things and for there to be this vague line between whats real or not- but the game itself is in the middle ground so i feel like it suffers from both not letting things be vague and fake- but also taking away from some moments by things being vague and fake. if any of that makes sense.
i love tragedies but i really didnt care for the ending. someone just showed up and killed maya it doesnt feel very tragic. having a character die and then give an ultimatum for bringing her back at the cost for friendship and memories feels very weak since the characters arent majorly flawed. they arent given repentance they are just having something bad happen to them. and that does happen in media and its not a bad story device- but in an ending its very weak and in a tragedy its especially weak.
the gameplay and dungeons were very boring easy and overcomplicated and the constant persona issues of misogyny and weird humor are apparent. i get why its special and im happy to have played it.
i hate saying shit like this alot im sorry i dont trust atlus either. but they should have remade this rather than p3.
#2
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youtube
Andrew Doyle: Culture warriors don’t like debate, it risks taking them away from the approved script
Have you ever noticed that social justice activists all sound the same? And by that I don't mean they've all got plummy upper middle-class accents, although they generally do. I mean that they all seem to speak in the same sort of language. They use terms like "problematic," "toxic masculinity," "white privilege," "decolonization," "cis-heteronormativity" and a million other buzzwords.
And then there are the slogans. Here are some examples. "Trans women are women." "You are erasing our existence." "Your words are violence." "That's my lived experience."
Now, Robert J. Lifton has described these kind of terms as "thought terminating cliches." Those "brief, highly reductive, definitive sounding phrases that become the start and finish of any ideological analysis."
Culture warriors use these cliches to try and put an end to the conversation. The phrases simply don't invite further questions. And when they do, we end up in this weirdly circular discussion. You'll have no doubt seen exchanges like the following on social media:
"Trans women are women." "What is a woman?" "Anyone who identifies as a woman." "But how do I know how to identify as a woman if you can't define woman?" "The definition of a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman."
And this goes round and round and round. All of this brings to mind the 19th century headmaster Andrew Ingram who coined this interesting phrase: "the gostak disdims the doshes."
Now the sentence is syntactically sound. There is a subject, an object and an identifiable verb. As such, we understand that the doshes are able to be distimmed, and that such distimming is carried out by the gostak. Or if you want to see this in dialogue form, it looks like this:
"What is the gostak?" "The gostak is what distims the doshes." "What's distimming?" "Distimming is what the gostak does to the doshes." "Okay, but what are the doshes?" "The doshes are what the gostak distims."
And this is how these ideological discussions often go. They've come up with these impressive sounding words and concepts that can only really be understood in reference to other nebulous words and concepts. And you can see why this might drive everyone insane.
And of course that's the whole point. When people are speaking different languages, there can be no possibility of conversation.
This week, my friend Peter Boghossian, who's an American philosopher and academic, released a video in which he is seen attempting to reason with a group of activist students at Portland State University. He's conducting a thought-experiment in the plaza, and he's asking people to talk through contentious statements such as "defund the police" and "there are only two genders," and it was this statement that upset some of the students.
[.. 🤡 🤡 🤡 ..]
Now remember that this is all because Peter was simply asking people to discuss the statement "there are only two genders." And the video is worth watching in full, it's on Peter's website.
Because what you hear are people who are speaking in slogans as a substitute for thought. As you heard in that brief excerpt, all of them are repeating identical mantras.
And all of this was outlined in 1945 in an essay by George Orwell called "Politics in the English Language." He wrote:
"A speaker who uses that kind of phraseology has gone some distance towards turning himself into a machine. The appropriate noises are coming out of his larynx, but his brain is not involved as it would be if he were choosing his words for himself. If the speech he is making is one that he is accustomed to make over and over again, he may be almost unconscious of what he is saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church."
And that's what we're hearing from culture warriors. Just the mindless repetition of liturgical cant. One gets the depressing sense of a hive mind, people who have subordinated their individuality to a bigger ideological project. Whereas most young people still go to university to debate, to be challenged and to consider alternative world views, this minority of activists, they go to university in order to conform.
So when you hear these buzzwords, these thought-terminating cliches, it's always worth probing a little more, asking some further questions. Culture warriors don't like debate, because that risks taking them away from the approved script. They might even have to challenge some of their own certainties. But we should never forget that beneath all this jargon, these are intelligent human beings who have simply forgotten what it feels like to think for themselves.
==
Unsurprisingly, there are parallels with the more traditional religions.
“God is love.” “You send yourself to hell.” “Something can’t come from nothing.” “You just hate god.” “It’s a metaphor.” “You can’t know love without god.” “You can’t be good without god.” “Someone obviously hurt you.” “I’ll pray for you.” “Well, I have faith.”
Islam has its own.
“There are no scientific inaccuracy in quran.” “There are no contradiction in quran.” “Nowhere in quran does it say that.” “That’s a mistranslation.” “That’s the wrong interpretation.” “Girls matured faster back then.” “You have to read it in Arabic.” “That’s an unreliable hadith.” “Yet you say nothing about when Christians did it 300 years ago.”
As with the traditionally religious, I’m not convinced the woke religionists actually understand their own doctrine. For example, I don’t think they know that Judith Butler says there’s no such thing as an inherent or stable “gender identity.” All they know is the noises to produce from their larynx to demonstrate their piety and affiliation with The Right Side of History™.
Like the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation, there’s a mystical element to social constructivist ideology. Chanting the words will turn the wafer into the substance of the body of Christ; a miracle that defies material reality. Chanting the slogans will make them true; society will be transformed in conformance with “lived experience” and in defiance of objective reality.
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bardicbeetle · 1 year
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How would you describe the plot of SITD to someone who didn’t know anything about it?
oh no /lighthearted i promise this is an excellent question we will see if my pasta colander brain can manage a coherent answer.
Uh
hmmm
See this is why I can't pitch things. This plot is absolute nonsense and that is due in no small part to having worked on it for twelve years.
Safe in the Dark is, loosely, about a 20-something (Hi Alex) who ran away as a kid and never stopped for fear of being dragged back to a family who just wanted to hurt them. About the intense desire to find somewhere they are wanted and protected and seen. About putting the past literally in the ground.
I say loosely because it's, not just about Alex.
Safe in the Dark is about Jesse learning he doesn't have to die, and he doesn't have to make himself smaller in order to be loved, and he doesn't have to give up what he wants out of life just for the sake of making other people happy.
It's about Moira finding people who understand her and care about her and nurture her actual hobbies and interests and don't just value her as a great talker or a good shot. About finding the balance between comfort and change.
About Daniel learning to live and love again despite the horrors in his past. About him finally letting himself feel again. And accept that maybe, just maybe, it's not going to be ripped away this time. (it will be)
I'm getting a little too philosophical again, forgive me, it's late, I haven't slept much.
Safe in the Dark is about Alex Blackwood unknowingly moving into a house full of vampires, getting stuck half-ways between vampire and human, and trying to make the choice between:
completing that change and committing to an eternity of killing, but gaining a family who will love, support, and protect them for literally ever
killing Daniel--who took them in without hesitation, who along with the rest of the household has treated them like family near since their arrival--and reverting to humanity, but losing this strange little home they've fallen into
or waiting it out until the hunger takes their life.
Hijinks ensue.
There is a tenuous truce with a local vampire hunter (Isaac) who didn't believe vampires were actually real until Alex almost kills him.
There is a really quite terrible massacre of a bunch of college students in a club.
There is the main reason I have so much trouble giving an overview of this story which is that every present-day chapter is followed by/coupled with a chapter set in the past that mirrors the present day chapter in some way, be it theme, setting, specific character involvement, or a specific repeated event.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Safe in the Dark, get your moral dilemmas and tragic backstories here, we've got plenty.
Thanks Katie, sorry for the Entirely Too Long Ramble <3
@abalonetea
-Larkspur
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the-jellicle-duelist · 9 months
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random movie every week week 1/1498 - Robocop
hello, i have a lot of movies and i have not seen that many of them. so every week i will watch a movie at random, and then right a little blog about it and give it a rating out of 5 stars
THE RULES
i can skip any marvel movie i want (because i have seen them and i don't want to watch them again)
i can skip any movie i have seen more than twice (the goal is to watch movies that are new to me, but could be interesting to return to a movie i have only seen once, hence the rule)
ratings are out of 5 stars, with NO HALF STARS. half stars are for babies
Robocop (1987)
(i have never seen Robocop before)
going into Robocop i was pretty convinced i was going to watch 1 hour ad 42 minutes of copaganda, and there was some of that to be clear but i was pleasantly surprised at my reaction to Robocop
the broad strokes of the plot are a cop on duty goes into a bad situation, and gets himself killed. a corporation takes his dead body, and converts him into Robocop - a cyborg programmed to 'uphold the law' among other directives. he does normal cop things for a while, but then has a dream and regains a portion of his memories. Robocop then uses the rest of the film to enact vengeance on the bad guys who killed him.
there are two guys in the corporation (i do not know their names). Guy Number 1 is the second in command at this company, and he tries to get them to develop a roaming automatic mech that does "law enforcement" but that mech kills a guy in the meeting, and he does not get the go ahead to deploy the mech.
Guy Number 2 gets robocop off the ground on the heels of that mech fucking up. so No. 1 hates No. 2. Guy No. 1 is working with the CRIMINALS who killed the cop who would become robocop, and has those guys kill Guy No. 2.
Robocop kills all the guys. Robocop goes to the corporation, and kills Guy No. 1. end of movie.
what i found really surprising about robocop is how much i felt for robocop's situation. it's implied when Robocop gets created that they are going to wipe his memory and make him a machine with oragnic bits designed for optimal coppin'. but very quickly we find out that it does not take much at all for robocop to regain some of his consciousness. so almost immediately i was like 'oh what a horrible curse to be turned into a cyborg to do the job that killed you until your organic bits rot out, i guess, would be the end of that.'
i ended feeling for him a lot. when they are converting him, there is a scence where they want to keep one of his organic arms that is still functional and working, and Guy No. 2 is like 'he signed the release form and he's dead we can do whatever we want cut his arm off'. and later on when Robocop starts to regain his memories a bit, Guy No. 2 is like 'he doesn't have a Name he is My Product' which i had so many yucky anti-capitalist feelings about
while on the one hand i felt for him, i also felt if you zoomed out a bit, the implications of a super durable cop cyborg who is frankly NOT programmed that well, and can just do whatever Right Away, is super terrifying. robocop throughout the entire film does not follow protocols at all, he is just killin guys all the time. no one seems to quesiton this. i was terrified of the idea of robocop
these things i was holding simultaneously in my brain and heart i thought was really interesting philosophically in terms of like, i do have the capacity to feel for someone inside of an oppressive system being used against his will to uphold that system, and also to fear how that system could fine tune and use something like robocop to exert their power over everyone, and how terrifying that is.
I gave Robocop a 3/5, ultimately. i was interested in the questions and scenarios it was posing about the effects of capitalism to create an authoritarian implementation of policing in a city, while also calling into question the line between bodily autonomy after a person dies, and how even when it is clear that cyborg has memories of their past life, are they still that cyborg? are they that person they were? the pacing of the film was kind of jittery and weird feeling to me, and that off putting pacing knocked down Robocop as a Film. i did enjoy myself tho
here are my stream of consciousness notes as i watched the film if you are interested
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that's robocop! i may not write As Much for every film! it just depends!
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sabakos · 2 years
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so you appear to be studying Ancient Greek—that’s really cool and I have to ask, 1. why and 2. how
I am! Mostly out of necessity, because I'm also interested in ancient Greek philosophy, especially metaphysics, so I've been picking it up mostly as I go along reading the source material - I'm nowhere good enough at the grammar to read it on my own but I can usually recognize enough of the vocabulary to read the greek and english in parallel and get a rough idea of what it says. It's especially helpful when the english is really awkward, which is usually just a butchered translation / situation where it's hard to convey the exact meaning of the Greek in English. Also, I find that now that I know enough to realize how misleading the English can be it's almost impossible to read a translation again without having a million questions about what the text is actually saying, it's as if I never really read any Greek philosophy before so much as a bad interpretation of it.
As for the how, I don't actually know very much Greek yet, so I lean pretty heavily on Perseus to look up words in LSJ when I want to just translate a passage. I also occasionally refer to Greek: An Intensive Course by Hansen and Quinn, which is probably what I'll eventually sit down and work my way through if I decide to learn it "for real." If you want to learn it, that's where I'd recommend starting, it has a lot of translations exercises and goes through the finer details of unusual tenses and grammatical cases we don't have in English, noun declensions, etc. There's also a youtube lecture series by Harvard's Ancient Greek department that runs through that whole book. It's definitely what I would do if my primary interest was the Ancient Greek language itself.
I've mostly only gotten away with not doing that yet because I'm primarily interested in pre-Socratic philosophy at the moment, and most of the surviving fragments from anything before Plato are pretty short. They also often use rare words (or common words in weird, archaic ways) so half the time there's debate about what exactly some given word means anyway. So I haven't learned much "Attic" Greek really like I would through the book because the things I want to read the most aren't written in it. I'd absolutely need to do that before tackling Plato or Aristotle though.
For example, I'm reading the fragments of Parmenides' poem "On Nature" right now and there's a lot of words where the example reference (and sometimes the only use of the word) is... Parmenides himself. So i need to look it up anyway and even look at the etymology sometimes to get a better sense of what it's really saying. That's also where the grumbling about γίγνομαι comes from - "come into being" implies a much closer link to εἰμί/εἶναι, "to be" than someone in the early 5th century BCE might have intended. Or it only took on that later meaning because of Parmenides or interpretations of him. basically it's really complicated even with very simple, common words like that.
My tumblr url is another example of that kind of archaic word, other than the Philodemus poem I translated where I rendered it as "brittle" the only uses of it are two mentions in Hippocrates' On the Sacred Disease (i.e. epilepsy) and a byzantine dictionary of rare words by Hesychius. The few things like that I've actually gone and translated have been pretty good practice, but it takes a really long time - I think even after I could read that poem, for example, it took me a good 10 hours or so to render it in English so that it makes any sense. It's really worth it to learn though - there's a lot of structure, wordplay and, ambiguity in Greek poetry that just disappears in translation.
If you're also interested in philosophical works in greek, I've also found the philosophical lexicon by F.E. Peters pretty useful (though it's kind of dated) and also Beekes' etymlogical dictionary especially for older works and rare words. everything i mentioned is on library genesis too, I pretty much never buy books.
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beardedmrbean · 5 months
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i have a sort of philosophical question that i'm curious about your thoughts on.
how do you think our human natures reconcile in heaven? i mean to say, i love my partner very much. obviously if we both make it to heaven, it'd be just dandy if we were there together, and where both of us are concerned, it just wouldn't be heaven if the other wasn't there. meanwhile, his mother is one boiled bunny away from a jocasta complex and to be quite frank, i don't really like her. she's not a BAD person, though, i just personally can't stand her--she threw a huge temper tantrum last week because her neighbor moved out and donated a bunch of furniture to charity, instead of letting her have a bunch of it for free, and then in the same afternoon continued to throw a fit because it was me and my partner's wedding anniversary the day before and we had gone to the cheese cave in waco and, to quote her, "how come you guys get to go and do stuff all the time? that's it, next time you go and do something fun like that, you're bringing me". (she also got mad at my partner on HER wedding anniversary, because he and i had been in san antonio at the zoo and she was pissed that he didn't do anything for her. for the record, he had sent flowers. she just wanted him to BE THERE. (i wasn't kidding about the jocasta complex)). so my point is--she isn't a BAD person, she's just kind of selfish (not a crime, doesn't make her a bad person) and i just can't stand her. but to her, it won't be heaven if she's not there with her son. to me, it won't be heaven if she IS there. and i won't be me if my personality is somehow re-written to find her tolerable, and she won't be her if she's somehow made to be appealing to be around.
so my question is, how do you think that all works? i've heard different ideas, that like, when you're in heaven, all of the worldly stuff will seem really petty and we'll all be able to see past all that and be happy with one another's company, but that still to me feels like a fundamental part of who we are is gone. almost like just being drunk or high for all eternity. i dunno. what do you think?
Mark 12:18-27
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Matthew 22:23-33
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I've always felt that last bit "Not the God of the dead but of the living" muddies up the other bits before it and I'm sure there's some kind of academic types that have sussed out what they believe it means with that bit in there with very good points and everything.
I like to think we retain a good deal of our "self" but the sinful bits are stripped away, so we'll be fully embracing God's forgiveness not just for us, but for everyone else.
There's absolutely nothing we as humans can do to each other that doesn't pale in comparison to him in terms of sin, because Jesus took all of our sins into himself on the cross so everything awful any single person has done to you was taken in by him as well as everything else that person has done, provided they've sincerely asked for his forgiveness.
And since we've been saved and are no longer in sin up there, none of the offenses will ever happen again so even if we retain our sense of self the forgive and forget clause will be in play.
There's also the possibility of a "multiverse" type situation where everyone that should be in each of our heavens is in our heaven and the ones that shouldn't aren't, but carrying a grudge isn't something I see making its way to heaven so probably not that.
_________________________
You might want to bookmark this ask since I'm guessing there will be people chiming in on it and it might be interesting to have even more perspectives.
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swordshapedleaves · 10 months
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Once again I have opinions on new seasonal anime no one asked for!
Thoughts on the 14 new shows I tried under the cut.
Shows I'm Excited About
My Happy Marriage
It's an arranged marriage romance with magic, though there wasn't any magic overtly present in the first episode. It has these relatively subtle references to fairy tales that I really like and the animation is really gorgeous. Looking forward to this one!
Zom 100
An office worker is so burnt out that the actual zombie apocalypse is a fresh change of pace. The energy is great and the animation is gorgeous. I love zombie media that's aware of zombie media. I also really like the OP, which is the same group that did the OP for Yamada 999 last season.
Shows I'm Optimistic About
Ayaka
This show looks like the anime adaptation is a fantasy BL visual novel but is apparently an original IP. I dunno why the MC's dead dad's will banished him to a childhood of trauma off island only to return when he's just old enough to start dating but I hope it's so he can end up smooching some of these color coded magical boys.
Dark Gathering
It's spooky! I feel sorry for any ghost fighting show that's going up against the second season of Jujustu Kaisen but this one seems way more of a creepy comedy than an action show so hopefully it finds its own niche and excels there.
The Gene of AI
As someone with memory problems this first episode made me super uncomfortable! It's doing what good science fiction should do, which is using future tech to tackle uncomfortable philosophical questions, but it remains to be seen if it addresses them thoughtfully. I will say though that the idea of someone who loves me crying uncontrollably because the fact I forgot a new recipe for scrambled eggs means I'm not really the person she knew really hurt. I have genuine fears about my memory problems ruining relationships and seeing it done so ham-handedly feels bad. Definitely gonna keep watching though because at least it's interesting.
Helck
This is a fantasy anime about a big strong muscle guy who is trying to become the King of Demons. Even the first episode couldn't pull off any visual appeal so I have low expectations but I'd like to have a fun time cheering on our Conan rip off who's going off script by trying to join the side of the demons.
Noble Farmer
This is a series of shorts by and about mangaka Hiromu Arakawa of Fullmetal Alchemist fame. She is the scion of Hokkaido dairy farmers and is passionate about her roots. The first episode felt like it was paid for by a dairy farmers association but Arakawa is so charming I don't even mind.
Undead Murder Farce
This show has great vibes and a fun premise. All the yokai and oni and such are being eradicated as part of the Meiji restoration. A couple of them are trying to survive and also solve a murder of sorts. The vibes are great but the animation is kinda mid.
Shows that Cater to my Bullshit Specifically
The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen: From Villainess to Savior
That name is awful but the Otome game villainess reincarnation micro genre is my jam. This villainess cries a lot and I'm hoping for a good time as all the people who were her enemies in the game fall in love with her.
Sweet Reincarnation
I love cooking shows and also fantasy stories so when they get smushed together I'm almost sure to have a good time. This feels like a less clever Ascendence of a Bookworm in a lot of ways. Person is killed by their specific interest falling on them, only to reincarnate into a world where the thing they love is very expensive and out of reach at their current status. So they simply use their knowledge of our technology to reorder society in a way that allows them to feed their special interest. This time it's a pastry chef who loves sweets instead of a librarian who loves books. His new name is Pastry.
Stuff I Tried That Didn't Make the Cut
Am I Actually the Strongest?
His sister is obviously the reincarnated Demon Lord. Looks boring.
The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today
It's like Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid without the charm or the sex appeal, plus the camera work is weirdly unsettling.
Reborn as a Vending Machine, Now I Wander the Dungeon
This one was also boring. It was one of the first shows we tried this season and I've already forgotten it for the most part.
Reign of the Seven Spellblades
Magic school with a 20% death rate, and one of the freshmen this season is a Samurai. I might watch a second episode if I have time to kill but there just wasn't anything really exciting in this first episode to get me past the Harry Potter but Edgier vibes.
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