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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months

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something abt The Family Unit as this bordered site potentially of a little system of authoritarianism being that it's really this example plenty of people have of how like, You Would Think "oh if the people In Charge realize the structural integrity of what they're in charge of & say they're Supporting is being degraded then surely on a practical basis they'd change course? compromise?" & like the compromises Are continually made to shore things up a little longer but it's a pyramid scheme & it's continuously crumbling. & the Logic of the authority is what's held on to no matter what, not whatever else is claimed to be the goal (e.g. having a Good Family, workplace, corporation, country...) & that means having all the power, which is never actually the case or possible so since that goal's never met it's really just about having More power (what's next, constant profit growth), & everything's oriented around That, such that yeah strategic fleeting compromises may be made but as this structure inevitably deteriorates further, i.e. the control as successfully applied power is being lost, it's not about compromising more & more until eventually things are egalitarian, it's more about lashing out & doubling & tripling & quadrupling down on the exact same measures always taken anyways, because of how the entire like belief is in being the authority, expressed by forever only following the logics of authority/hierarchy & control/abuse

that is to lead into how like, the Failure of [ostensible alternate practical goal: the cohesion of the perfect family(tm)] can happen in more obvious ways / on shorter timeframes than, say, the agenda of propping up an empire, & so there's like all this evidence of how even when the theoretically inviolate borders of The Family are ruptured there's like "wouldn't the relevant family members change their approach in the face of this undeniable failure. wouldn't they question themselves." b/c like, surely? how could you not? but the experience being overwhelmingly "absolutely they do not" with instead the doubling down, perhaps the strategic compromises that are then only used to wear away the targeted parties & then (perhaps after an incremental transition) be back at it once that defense is seemingly breached, but the same logic seems to "work" even in situations where whatever Unit is destroyed, partnership, family, friendship, acquaintanceship, b/c the sense of [i am entitled to More] is just like. undisturbed or "supported" by the ruptures & lack of access to whomever, the Denial of what they feel they're already entitled to. the dehumanization of others / No Need to ever have to consider & contend with those ppl's real feelings if you control their life enough anyways is all still at play & there's no room for even Now considering if you were wrong about how someone felt, so the logic might also default to things like "it's a total mystery but what matters is i was / am wronged" &/or "well things would've been great if i had my total authority like i should have & imagine i could have, so basically some Other enemy authority must be at fault (e.g. guess my child was converted by the gay agenda, the devil, the evil outside world, communist spies, anarchists, [the pc police the virtue signalers the woke dei agents the "almost forgot abt 'critical race theorists'"]" that it just so happens that agendas of Autonomy & Equality are ones that seem to inherently insidiously threaten & undermine their own. like yeah you're not wrong about that but in also true [every accusation a projection] form of course the belief must be that They are fostering bliss & freedom & the jealous evil agents of The Other are always trying to stop them :(

like "don't they realize this is counterproductive to the wellbeing of [what they're in charge of]" like compromises may be temporarily made along the way but not Really, no, & when push comes to shove it'll be about the priorizing of asserting & holding on to Controlling Lives vs anything that'd serve anything else. & that again, with families like you might see the decided Failure of that, e.g. very limited or completely absent relationship with an adult child, and you see that like. the Authority guardian/s who are the reason with it don't change their approach. any adjustments are strategic & meant to Ultimately restore the status quo; the people who managed to extricate themselves have to rely on their own ability to actually manifest their own choices to, say, be able to remove themself from the presence of this person if they want. and that like even with that lifelong experience of dealing with that Authority & the system under them it can be so difficult to believe like do they really not even question themself on all this despite the actual external consequences manifested? b/c the Logics are so different. the child made effectively Responsible for the actions of an adult or two / the supposed Wellbeing of the family is so much more used to having to consider others' Feelings & what might make them act xyz way, b/c of that impossible but evident tasking with being harmed if there's any Problems there, versus that the person "in charge of" the wellbeing of the family & individuals therein (& certainly the young children) being concerned with their own entitlement & whether everything seems to reinforce their authority, flexing it if not, disinterest in so much else, resentment for the physical needs of children as a begrudged investment in then lifelong entitlement to kids as property to give deference / whatever support you want. & when these "supported" children are never "grateful" enough, i.e. not noticeably thwarting efforts to access whatever a parent feels entitled to (with, exactly in line with all of this, pretty invariably Issues With (denial of) Any Boundaries, e.g. not allowed to close that bedroom door this is my house, not allowed to not want to be touched i made that body, not allowed to be unsupervised what are you hiding, not allowed to say no, not allowed to have feelings/moods/preferences/opinions not in harmony with mine...) like it's supposedly only an extreme, all the more sympathetic (to the authority parent) escalation of this Ingratitude to, if possible, escape the realm of said authority. can't believe they'd do this to me

just that tl;dr of like "but at this point [authority] is sabotaging themselves i.e. the longevity of any system where they even have that position of authority? surely they realize that & change their approach b/c they Have To?" & beyond "no, not necessarily" like it's so almost Necessarily that "they definitely will not & will just try to 'invest' in their perpetual authority (which is always trying to be Increased b/c it's also never total or unbroken) by upping the violence & lashing out & ignoring w/e they have to ignore b/c they do Not have any actual alternate way to address it" like no the parents lose the entire relationship with children & don't have Realizations abt it, don't question themselves, don't make a real change, don't stop feeling as, & increasingly, entitled

#you'd think they would. but they do not think that they would. it's a completely different Logical Framework #the impenetrability of ''i'm Superior to anyone; objects/props/property/tools in My life for My agenda''#if there's negative consequences of this treatment & it's constantly shattering b/c That Is Not Reality? it's just them being Wronged #you can just believe that forever. if you're trying to reject even the Vulnerability of [gotta consider other ppl Have thoughts; feelings]#then taking on the Vulnerability of; for one thing; That; & an entire upheaval of the rest of what you've built your whole Self around.....#it does not really happen. presumably some outliers / sure it can be Possible but even then it's like #is the priority ''converting'' ppl doing this. Convincing them to stop. or in how those affected can throw them off & have more support #yes we all think that would be lovely. but it's a whole Ideology. & [what do i care if xyz Believes im nonhuman if they cannot in practice #act on that belief & make it my problem] the external situations & manifestations of power Can be dealt with by others. ppl's internal #self is their own personal business Ultimately ofc. can feel entitled to Everything Forever sure but gotta get Other Ppl outta that sitch #this has also been resonating with like head in hands deep breath the like. [it's On Sight; Sound; Read Text; Anything] dehumanization as #an autistic person like ppl Do immediately assess the [this person's existing wrong] diagnosis & do not necessarily ''learn'' otherwise #the vulnerability is pounced on / the ''opportunity'' for abuse in any situation b/c it's Deserved in this case ofc / the like ''we Do #officially label you Autistic & we Do prescribe; even require; abuse about it'' aba / rejection/ostracization / pathology / Inferiority #like what else can you do but go ''maybe ppl will change their minds? maybe i can act a way to convince them to do so?'' But No #ofc all Compounding vulnerabilities only feed into all other systems of dehumanization / vulnerability / abuse / disempowerment #my experience being autistic seemed to support my experience w/family abuse...B/c It 100% Did support it #other disabilities; less resources; more poverty; appearing nonwhite & ''worse'' black; cultural ''difference'' from the norm(tm)....#further layers (often given ''priorities'' like how Race is given 1st Consideration in who's ''beneath'' whom) in dehumanization #which is an ideology people have to Reject to; you know; humanize everyone they encounter. but they don't ''have'' to so: might not!#& obviously playing into it is what's encouraged And demanded so yeah go find the ppl in Your life to scapegoat / deem inferior! to cope!#while this is so entrenched/supported By Everything As Is that it's just ppl ''being normal'' instead of consciously disdainfully violent #so it's Something having to go ok no the double standards never cease the Sympathy (i.e. again taking unilateral Responsibility for other #ppl's feelings (& by extension hopefully their resultant actions)) will never even afford you Being Liked much less the Basic Respect #whether someone happens to personally find you Likable or not in the first place. have to ofc Hope others have other principles about it #which; you know; the logic of Ableism is in all the systems of dehumanization & exploitation. it's Just Biology / Reality....#everyone's so Great abt things now. def don't have ppl like ''haha the lack of social skills am i right autists'' / ''annoyingly nd ppl''#just saying the same shit in an XD arm slung around your shoulder tone now. dont want me saying Idiot this is why i love ableism #(it was bc everyone is already taught to love ableism & leverage it however they can) i wasn't a violent bigot: then the leftists pwned me #anyways consulting Exp. w/Authoritarian Family sure can be a touchstone recognizing resonances anywhere else. dynamics/interactions. govts

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dykefaggotry · 7 months

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What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that lesbians can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

this is soooo not asked in good faith lol i know ur baiting babe but fine i'll go ahead and answer here <3

first of all idk where u got the idea that i think bi/pan is inborn orientation. ur mistaking me for a gender/sexuality essentialist rather than a bio essentialist and baby i am neither

second of all ur operating under the assumption that i am bi/pan and would fuck all genders and/or sexes. false! i do not care for dick i have never cared for dick i shall never care for dick and funnily enough i am capable of navigating my personal relationships on my own terms without imposing those terms on everyone else or making trans women feel like dogshit just for existing. if someone with a dick ever asked me out and i turned them down i wouldn't have to say "sorry it's because you have a yucky disgusting penis you fucking disgusting human" as so many of y'all love to do when confronted w trans humans, i would simply say "sorry, i'm not interested." and if they decided to keep pressing it or assault me that would be on them being a sexual predator, not them being transgender.

but okay. several things here. first off in the history of sexuality u have two views: essentialism and costructionism. innate vs socially created. in most cases of history, i take the constructionist point of view. with sexuality/gender it is way way more nuanced and complicated than that. i believe the Feelings we have about gender and sexuality are innate (and unique to every individual) but the labels we put on them change constantly over time. you can find this all throughout history and arguing that this isn't the case would be ahistorical and ridiculous. if you think the word "lesbian" existed 300 years ago and ppl you would deem lesbians would call themselves lesbians or conceptualize their sexualities in the same way as you do, you are dead wrong. they probably had very similar feelings, but they were framing it around their cultural frameworks they had at the time. as we are doing today.

the thing about social constructs is that they change. go back to the 1500s europe and it was widely believed that men and women shared one body type that was, essentially, sexless and the same, and that this body grew out of the body women have into the body men had. essentially, men were the more "progressed" body of humanity, but men and women shared the same sex. this... obviously was incorrect and changed. but so is our binary conception of "sex".

which brings me to ur point about animals.... heterosexuality and homosexuality as Acts certainly exist in animals but animals don't have social constructs to give them identities lmfao. and while these acts exist, they often do so in ways we as humans would consider "bisexual" although that's fucking ridiculous because they are animals. for example, often in the wild you will see "lesbian" lions that choose to mate with other female lions only and raise their young with them. wait- how's that work? their young? if animals with no social conceptions can somehow be "pure lesbians" would they not balk at the idea of procreating with a male lion? no, because that's not how it works in the animal kingdom. they procreate with the male lion and raise the young w the female lion and we slap the label "homosexual" on this or "bisexual" on it when neither is correct bc they're fucking lions, not human beings living in a society. similarly a female lion mating with a male lion is not a "heterosexual" lion, it's a fucking lion. we can't ask it "hey, miss lion, if you had the choice, would you solely prefer male lions? or do you like female lions as well? or are you just mating with this male lion for protection?" because it's a lion. ur comparison is outlandish, frankly. we are not animals in that way. the lion is not heterosexual or homosexual, it's a fucking lion that has sex.

anyway... not what you asked and i can hear u now going off abt how none of this answered ur question. ur right! before i could answer ur baiting question i had to clear up some bold assumptions you were making, define some terms and history, and debunk whatever bullshit you wanted to spew about animals for a second there

but to answer your question: sexuality and gender are unique to every single individual on this planet and structured around the society that individual lives in. sorry to tell you that, but it is. so, too, is the term lesbian. even within t//erf circles. "that's not true!" i can hear you shout, "every t//erf defines lesbian the same!" wrong! i have seen: lesbian means only liking people with vaginas but that can't be right because some trans women have vaginas, lesbian means only liking people with vaginas but that can't be right because some trans Men have vaginas and many of you would Not be attracted to them on the street bc many of them do pass as cis men indistinguishably, lesbian means only CHOOSING to date people with vaginas so this includes political lesbians who are attracted to men and bisexual or heterosexual but are politically lesbian, but wait no lesbian doesn't mean that bc i've also seen t//erfs saying any lesbian who makes a joke abt having a celebrity crush on a man is clearly a bisexual in denial sooooo that would preclude political lesbians too, oh okay so maybe lesbian means only liking people BORN with vaginas- oh shit nope that includes many intersex individuals you would not fuck and many trans men you would not fuck as they've gotten bottom surgery.... hm okay i've seen it mean you only like women BORN with a uterus/able to reproduce except oh whoops not all cis women can do that...... uh well it means anyone you can identify as a woman bc you're so good at clocking except- oh no you can't bc there are many CIS butches and CIS masculine women you all constantly mistake as trans women and harass or butches you straight up just think are men (hi! i am a butch read as a cis male in public!) and do not approach on that basis..... erm..... uh oh looks like your definitions suck too, sorry

so... what does that leave us with? if defining sexuality by sex is harder than it looks and defining it by gender is harder than it looks, what do we have?

well, like i said, it's an individual experience. most of the time, people are going to choose words and communities that resonate with them for whatever reason. for some people it might be bc they have grown up not liking penises in a world where they were expected to. for others it might mean growing up liking just Women in a world where they weren't expected to. for others it's liking non men. some others just like how "lesbian" feels on them and nothing else fits right. "lesbian" communicates something to people and it communicates a community that they feel a part of.

your conception of your sexuality and gender is not the same as anyone else on earth now or anyone in the past. and that is okay. communities and labels ARE human constructs. that doesn't mean they are unimportant and it doesn't mean humans are "innately" bi/pan (i sure as fuck am not lol i've never "innately" wanted to suck a dick and it's felt very "innately" bad when men have been interested in me). but what it does mean is that if you ask any lesbian what being lesbian means to them, you are going to get a different answer. even within your strict community where you think you have one definitive answer, you will have people that disagree with that.

there is no "indescribable trait" women have over men. but neither is there some concrete "yes THIS is the ultimate way to describe (human feeling)". human feelings are infamously hard to describe and label and we do our best with social constructs and human made terms, but we are always always going to fall short. you can do the same with race and wealth and ability and ethnicity and history and and and- something being a social construct doesn't make it not real. it just makes it complicated and messy and not so easily defined. and that is perfectly okay and if you are going to dwell on this planet with other human beings you're going to have to get used to that, sorry to say

so what is a lesbian? a lesbian is someone that tells you they're a lesbian and you say "okay" and don't ask for their life fucking story about why they call themselves a lesbian or how. it's none of your fucking business. whether they agree with you or they don't, it is way easier to just move on and keep defining yourself how YOU want and letting others define themselves how THEY want

#this got long and since ur not asking in good faith i have no doubts ur not gonna absorb literally any of this but uuuuh try #and also if anyone is abt to fall down any t//erf rabbit holes maybe this will resonate w some others as well

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thatonebabybat · 1 year

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Okay. Long rant ahead, but... I'm bothered by those ppl who use "SaYiNG GoTH IS A MUsIc SuBCULtUrE IS ABLEISt BC DEaF PeOpLE CaN'T LIStEN TO It--" as a reason for why they think they can call it an aesthetic or a fashion style. Like.

1. Blind people can't see aesthetics so what are you getting at here exactly?? Is liking aesthetics bad because some people can't see them? Your own logic is working against you here tbh..

2. The people saying this generally aren't deaf and therefore probably shouldn't be speaking for the deaf community. (I don't intend to either, so if you're deaf and reading this and there's something you'd like for me to correct or work on, please feel free.)

3. I'm sure most goths would be chill w a deaf person hanging out w them as long as they understand the history and are participating in the community in some meaningful way. Like, they might not be able to hear the music, but they may still be able to read/appreciate the written lyrics, or maybe they can't hear the music but they still enjoy clubbing and like participating in goth nights… And there are still deaf music artists so that's always an option too- Plus, some deaf people can still like music on occasion bc hearing aids have gotten really advanced, so to lump them all together as being completely unable to enjoy it at all is strange… There's a lot of ways a deaf person could still be able to chill in a music subculture. I don't think anyone is intentionally excluding deaf people from the scene. I would like to think most people would be understanding in that specific scenario.

..Doesn't explain why an able-bodied person with access to as much music as they could ever possibly want through the internet gets to totally ignore it though. I think it says a lot that these people are aware of their privilege to be able to listen to music and participate in the community in that way, but instead decide to use disabled people as a shield for why they shouldn't have to put in even a tiny bit of effort before claiming a 40+ year old subculture for themselves. They don't actually care about making goth more accessible, if they did they'd be subtitling music videos, or posting the lyrics and translations of goth songs to lyric sites, or making more efforts to make goth events more comfortable for disabled people… But no. It's just about them.

4. Even if someone decided being goth wasn't for them because they were deaf and couldn't hear the music, no one is saying you're a lesser person or "bad" somehow for not being a goth. Like. Deaf people can be goth. But becoming a goth isn't a requirement. If it's not your thing it's not your thing, but it does mean a lot to the people who have been in the subculture for a long time. If you like the fashion and not the music, just use another word for it (alt/darkalt is a personal favorite of mine, but there's other tags you can use too) and call it a day, no one's judging you for that. It's not like people who don't like goth music can't express themselves with fashion or moodboards, I'm fine with that. I like doing that myself. Just don't call it goth if it doesn't have anything to do with goth music. Don't flood a music tag with completely unrelated content. It's rlly not that hard. Idk why people get so hung up on NEEDING to use this one word for things that have nothing to do with that word. It's absurd the lengths people will go just to take over someone else's label when it's totally unnecessary.

I'd love to hear thoughts from the actual disabled community on the topic though. What do you think goths could do to make the space more accessible? How do you feel about these kinds of arguments?? I'd like to get to know more about the subject.

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weaselbeaselpants · 8 months

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Since I don't want to link it back to two scenarios so...um...immediate, I'll just say; the "Suffering just makes you hurt"-mantra is one I def subscribe to in day to day life, even in small, trivial' things like fandomwars.

I had a person get pissed at me once cuz I defended antishippers. They explained and showed me how they'd been harassed and abused by antis for no reason other than calling themselves a proshiper - no, NOT for actually liking anything with r@pe/cest/p3doshipping - just Reylo *in theory*. They got treated like a literal predator not for anything they actually did but for the title that genuine creeps have decided to use for their kink as this person did for their safe shit and they got blasted for it....and then this person proceeded to call me a cword and accused me of condoning their abuse by proxy of me saying " I don't think antis are inherently evil, actually".

I get it. When you put up with harassment from people touting their selfdeclared fandomom as some kind of badge of honor, of COURSE I understand turning your back on everyone who calls themselves that same thing! That's just, like, a survival instinct. You don't want to be reminded of your tormentor(s) because you really shouldn't have to be reminded of your tormentor(s) while you're browsing fandumb inbetween school or work. You want to keep your tormentors at bay so no triggering shit ppl are romanticizing or covert bigotry someone's hiding under the language of criticism to get in the way of your vibes when this is your fandom and your space to be creative and unwind and be you. I really get it.

The problem is, and the reason I DON'T put up with antianti or antiproshipper shit, that's labeling a whole lot of strangers inherently bad over not having the exact fandom takes and conflating that with your legitimate ethics of outing predators and bigots...THAT is what's shitty.

I know for a fact that not all the people who tag their shit #proship even fully agree on what proship means. I know they are not all predators or even don't care about predators being in their fandoms. Trust me, they care. Some of the #antiship folks I know are the most lax mf w it comes to content warnings, horror, kinks and nuance and also really hate call out posts and want to avoid them as much as they can. I know they are not all self-righteous prudes and bigots trying to get kink out of pride or some shit. THAT SAID- if I haven't already seen creepypredatorybs from proshippers or bigotedbully-tactics from antis, I can definitely believe those things exist in those spaces. But again, those behaviors exist whether or not a person uses these self-given labels. You shouldn't throw your hands in defeat anymore then your shouldn't declare yourself the sole liberator.

Blocked the proshipper-stan I was of talking about because I kind of don't like being called a cant and told I'm okay with death threats...just like I did the antishipper who was sending me death threats that same day =). I know I don't have to deal with that bs and I'm glad I took that advice from a mutual abt my own personal boundaries.

Call out shitty behavior all you want, but the absolutist-rhetoric is not healthy and, more importantly, not doing anything to help people being abused by fandomculture anymore than you were when you first got accosted for disliking a thing that made you upset/liking a thing that made someone else upset. You gotta share your fandom with everyone so long as they're not bigoted, abusive or predatory. And yeah, I kind of reserve all those notions for people I can tell ARE doing those things...so, y'know Lily Orchard.

#why can't we be friends #profandom #antifandom #fandom discourse #ship discourse #anti lily orchard #lily orchard

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shytastemakerthing · 5 months

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heyyy can i get a romantic matchup? ID REALLY LIKE AN ENSTARS ONE but if u dont do those, a twst one is good :3

im kitten, i dont use pronouns (so just use my name). i dont use labels either, but im feminine. im 17 (so nobody younger than me pls!!), currently in IT classes, 162cm, virgo and entp/intp. also 8w9

umm Im a vampirekin and have a strong affiliation w rabbits and cats. i can be really blunt (sometimes i dont mean it sometimes i do) and am pretty aggressive. i love play-fighting w friends and getting into joke arguments nd stuff.

i hate hatee having 2 give advice like I cant deal w ppl venting 2 me. I can b rude Mostly jut since if i dont like you 4 whatever reason Im not going to hide it Im just not going 2 Be nice. Cuz of this I dont get approached a lot bc ppl say i look mad/intimidating a lot!!!

VERY umm bimbo oriented. very clumsy, Very bad memory and attention span, But who cares I love acting cute and acting pretty and stuff. I love cute things tbhgd sm and I just want 2 squeeze. Cute ppl. As a bimbo i still Have my days 💔where im just Depressed man and Thats most days. but i am good at Just Living and Not acting like that..! Tho when im Very bad w mental health I tend 2 just get sick and not leave my bed and just cut everyone off LOLL

Any ways I love fashion and dressing cute and DESIGNING CLOTHES!!!! I love designing plushies and characters and stuff I need like a creative output and I have 34983 ways of that (designing plushies, characters, outfits ect. sewing, vtuber rigging, sculpting, painting, ect). i usually dress in v-kei, gyaru (kogal), ouji and lolita.

i love any love languages recieving tbh Maybe like words of affirmation I need lots of reminding that they R a willing participant of this Relationship. PERSONALLY i lvoe spending time and doing acts of service, im rlly Not an affectionate person so im probably not going to initiate physical contact and Im RLLY bad with words so im not probably going to do words of affirmation either .......

Hmmmm what else I love music. so much different types. breakcore, classical, eurobeat, game osts, pop rock, industrial metal, esp anything super weird and experimental.

jut stuff i likee would be active cities, being clean, good food, nighttime, CATS AND BUNNIES, pigeons<3, (i want to own a pet cat, bunnies and a pigeon lol), collecting things and baking

i DISLIKE dogs (despite being pretty dog-aligned by personality), my room having any sun in it, dirty/messy/gross ppl. i hatee violence sm I get uncomfortable hearing or seeing ppl/animals get hurt Its just gross and scary.

abt relationships ... I will die for my Partner i will straight up Fight someone for them. idc if they r bad person or if They did a crime rlly Thats so girlboss of them . I want to go out a lot on dates and stuff I dont wanna just go to the same places I want 2 explore and go to new places nd stuff. also Ermmm i dont rlly wanna Date someone shorter thn me Like. They just look like a child at that point..

thx :3 sawrry i wrote a lot lolz. lolll tyy So muh

A/N: Hello and thank you for your request! Don't worry about it being so long, the more information that I have to work with then the better! It only lets me get even more ideas for a match-up! Speaking of, I do hope that you like yours and enjoy!

Tw: None

I match you with.........

Ritsu Sakuma

From one vampire to another, you both are quite literally made for each other in that regard. He sees you and he can feel warmth flooding through his ice cold veins, how the moonlight illuminates your figure makes you look just ethereal. He is stunned into silence but soon regains himself and Ritsu can't help but to approach you.

Now given his sleeping patterns, it is a little hard for the both of you to meet up for any kind of outings, these would mostly be happening later in the evening and into the night given his aversion to sunlight, but he manages to work his schedule just right between his unit work and when he sleeps. He will always make time for you.

Another cat lover! Perhaps the both of you would like to go to a cat cafe for one of your dates? It would be something that he would find both enjoyable and relaxing, especially if you get to be there with him.

His schedule is quite busy sometimes given the work he has with his unit, Knights, but if you would like, you could always join him when they have practices and lives. Honestly, the thought of you being in the crowd and cheering him on makes this young vampire smile.

Speaking of his unit, the others absolutely adore you and they protect their own, and given that they now see you as one of their own, they will protect you just as you protect Ritsu. It is what a Knight does, after all.

Ritsu is big on giving you those words of affirmation. He may not be too much of a talker, and he really isn't that down on himself, but he would never want you to be down on yourself. He wants you to know that he is committed to this relationship no matter what it takes.

Overall, two vampires are able to join each other under the light of the moon. It is something that he will always love. With your similar interests and hobbies, it just makes the time that you spend with one another so much better and so much sweeter.

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstars ritsu #enstars ritsu sakuma #ensemble stars ritsu sakuma #ritsu sakuma x reader #ritsu sakuma #ensemble stars ritsu sakuma x reader #romantic #matchups #shy answers #shy writes

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webslingingslasher · 8 months

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hi :') i see that people come here to vent n stuff so i want to do the same if that's okay. it's long, so you don't have to reply to this immediately, or at all!

okay, i have 2 best friends and we've been close since high school so it's been like Years (we're a trio and we're all in uni now). i'll label them as bff1 & bff2. bff1 invited bff2 and i to sleepover, and later on, bff1 invited our friend group from high school for a dinner/party at her house (bc we were all classmates but the 3 of us are rly a trio) and yeah, bff2 & i went, and 2 out of 7 from our friend group went, and so did bff1's cousins and their friends. we all had dinner and we were drinking as well. i didn't drink much bc i'm a lightweight lol but everyone else was drunk.

we were pretty much catching up until the whole night turned to them trash talking our other friends from our friend group (which were invited by bff1 btw but they weren't able to go...). i was just listening bc i rly didn't have any dirt on anyone, and even if i did, i don't care so much to need to tell people abt it 😭 everyone thought it was okay but idk it just threw me off... it's one thing to talk abt life and ur preferences n shit but to talk abt ur friends to ur other friends AND to ppl u just met??? fucking bitches fr..

the worst part is, AFTER all that shit talking, they video called our whole friend group gc and when one of them answered (aka one of the ppl they talked shit about, including her bf and their relationship tgt bc they, esp bff2, think their dynamic and even the way they dress is weird), bff2 was telling her "u should've come here!!!" ??? GIRL..... PLASTIC AS FUCK.... i just know that if i didn't go, they would have taken that opportunity to talk shit abt me too 😭 it's one thing to have an opinion and hate or dislike smth and to have preferences, but to be SO bothered to the point u talk shit, esp abt ur own friend AND EVEN HER BF (which is actually nice btw) to ur mutual friends and other ppl is another... like, ok we all judge, but why do u care so much to talk so much shit LMFAO... ik we were having dinner and we were drinking and having fun, but omg that's just fucking mean...

but that's not all of it, bc later on, bff1 & bff2 mentioned that they did talk shit abt me before, and they mentioned it at the dinner/party in front of everyone thinking it was okay like omfg.. i didn't even ask if they said anything abt me back then, they just straight up brought it up😭 it was about when i liked a guy a few months ago and we were talking abt him at the dinner/party, that's how they brought up that they were talking abt me to each other... yk talking stage w ur crush will get u twirling ur hair n swinging ur feet, and i'd tell the 2 of them "guys pls i'm delusional" as a joke when i update them abt it. we all say that about ourselves and to each other btw even when it comes to our celeb/fictional crushes when we're gushing over them... but anw they were telling each other "oh my god she's so delusional!" and they demonstrated it to everyone with rolling eyes... like... okay, i know? and even if we're open about it, why talk about me when i'm not there if ur just saying the same thing anyway?? just bc u can say it to my face doesn't mean it's okay to do it behind my back?? bc that's Entirely different. and what's the need for it anyway when u know you can tell me?? 😭 i mean, ik they didn't rly like him bc he was sus but still? and later on, back when i eventually found out that he's just not it, bff1 was like "so i was right..." like, okay?? is that something ur proud of? dude i mean sure, ur right, i'm not gonna deny that. but u gotta let me figure my own shit out on my own pace😭 like, i never even berate them or talk shit abt them to either one of them when they have their crushes or when it comes to their vices or flaws... i just let them do their own thing and if smth good or bad happens, i make sure that i'm there for them. but they were rly being bitches abt it... ik they just wanted the best for me, but that's just not it. i don't even know what else they said abt me bc they only mentioned the "omg she's so delusional" part of their conversation😭 but i'm sure they definitely said other things...

rmr in the all too well 10min version mv, that shot of when sadie was trying to just smile on her 21st bday in front of her cake and while everyone else at the table were having fun, but deep down she was sad.. i literally had that moment... i rly just sat there in silence while everyone else was having fun bitching abt our other friends.. i just smiled and went along w everything but deep down i was realizing how 2 of my bffs and the rest of my friends were people i can't trust anymore. they rly just don't know how to mind their own business and let people be... i alr knew that my friends have the hater personality (esp bff2 jesus christ) but this was like the meanest i've seen them bc they rly went all out with the way they talked shit, and it involved me this time.

i'm honestly more pissed than hurt. i couldn't bring up the issue during the moment bc i didn't want to cause a scene in bff1's house and in front of her cousins, and i was going to sleepover there with bff2 after the dinner/party, plus her parents live there too and they allowed us to sleepover, so no... i'm going to confront them for sure one day but tbh idk how exactly lol.. i don't want to end up fighting bc we were rly good together but ugh... i don't even trust them enough anymore to feel like we'll be fine if we talk about this... ngl i feel like they'll be defensive😭 but whatever i guess. if they do get defensive and just not admit and apologize for how wrong that was, i guess it's the end, bc i cannot tolerate a friendship like that. i literally just want to be happy...

and idc if they were drunk during that dinner/party... bruh i know what it's like to be drunk, ur still conscious😭😭 this wasn't the first time they talked shit abt ppl, like they Have done that sober when we hung out from high school until before this dinner/party.. but this rly was the meanest i've seen them fr and my 2 bffs confirmed that they were talking shit abt me so i'm rly pissed lol...

(if u made it here, thank u for taking ur time to read/listen 😭🫶 and sorry for any typos haha)

for the other friends on here:

TLDR: anon was invited to a sleepover with her best friends, anon's other friends in the group didn't show so her best friends (and the friend that invited everyone over invited her cousins/their friends) start talking shit about the other friend groups and admit to anon they talk ahit about her behind her back.

----

it sounds like you just found out who they really are. and the fact they admit it and are proud of it is yucky. it's common for them at this point.

it's okay to gossip a little and talk shit, we all do it. but there's a difference between:

'omg, i'm lowkey glad katy couldn't come. she always cries when she gets drunk and i couldn't handle it tonight!'

'omg but for real! last time she sobbed for ten minutes in the bathroom over a song!'

and:

'god, she's so delusional. he's a piece of shit guy and she actually thinks she has a chance.'

it's up to you on what you do next, but i'd never be able to relax or open up fully knowing i'd be a laughingstock when i'm not around. like- if you're gonna talk shit, do it to my face. at least then i'll respect you.

#thanks anon!

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commajade · 2 years

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Also what is current public perception really like for bts like without the international fandom

The thing you said about variety shows mentioning them but there being no warmth is smth I rlly agree w I've been watching a lot of variety shows recently and I remember realising and being kind of weirded out???(idk the way to word it with how) bts are literally in no variety shows at all and it's like I feel like all these other idols/actors/celebrities all mention each other or kind of know each other but bts seem so distant from all of that and I don't think they've ever mentioned another K-pop idol when asked about their favourite artist or song or something since 2017 unless it was like from their own label and even that's rare I think

bts r currently the biggest boy group in the world, hybe is now a massively influential conglomerate that is moving the whole industry more toward the trends of the US market. i personally think that's terrible and others think it's a triumph that kpop has broken into the mainstream US pop culture industry but it's simply what's happening.

many people respect bts as successful artists, many people are proud of them for representing korea to the world, many people hate them for selling out to the US and for their recent artistic choices, many people are annoyed by their ubiquity, and the most ppl simply do not care because they have other things to think about. bts is constantly in ads and the news they're ambient noise of living in south korea, their faces are plastered everywhere their merch is sold everywhere. their kfans have a similar reputation to the intl fans which is like massive power in numbers and very dedicated and volatile. it's understood that they're promoting primarily outside of korea rn because they're out working in difficult foreign conditions to further their careers and spread hallyu to flood the economy with foreign money as an export. ppl feel about that the same way they feel about capitalism and economic ties with the US as a whole. so i don't like them at all.

#asks #bts

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bciwasinlove · 2 years

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No bestie but who do you think fell first and who do you think fell harder based on the songs? I know ppl disagree w me but I think initially L fell harder and then H fell harder later(like his love grew maybe Idk) around the time sc and iicf were written. Does that make sense? Idk lol only the new albums will give me a good idea cus yk Harry has written more love songs in total post 1d. I mean he’s got two out so you’d except that 💃🏻🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♀️

Hi anon nothing against you personally but I just hate hearing anything close to the line "person A fell first but person B feel harder" or "person A took longer to fall for person B" I hear varations of those a lot and that is just not true they both fell hard and fast. Since you mentioned Harry though and how you don't think he fall as hard or as fast as Louis I'm going to show you exactly why thats wrong. Harry very much fell just as hard and just as fast as Louis did. I'm talking heart eyes I want to spend the rest of my life with this damn human hard.

Quick side note about the song thing the first two albums they had little say in what went on with the songs they sang. It wasn't until Louis stepped up during the time they were going to start their third album where he convinced their label to let them write their own songs & due to that he felt it was up to him to write good songs for the album. Harry really started helping write songs by album four where you got the start of Harry's romance I love you songs but that doesn't mean he wasn't massively in love prior to that.

So here's the cute gif montage to prove my point.

Exhibit A: What the heck is so funny or cute about someone with a bitten cookie to their mouth? Harry always seemed to love when Louis did random dumb things that had everyone like 🤨. And you can see Harry is the only one who cares about Louis with the cookie no one else is looking at Louis just Harry.

Exhibit B: When asked about wanting kids and marriage even as young as they are he said yes & looked straight at Louis. He knew what he wanted & what they would become from day one.

Exhibit C: Harry putting all his attention on Louis. He isn't even trying to hide the fact that he's staring at Louis with all the love and adoration possible in his eyes. Side note these moments always felt so intimate like we were intruding on something.

Exhibit D: The after math of Harry doing one of his random dumb things to get Louis [his crush/lover] to notice him and being so happy once he he does.

Exhibit E: Always allowing Louis to fix his hair when Louis thought it was out of place.

Exhibit F: Harry caressing Louis cheek not paying attention to interviewer. Most of fetus/young larry was them living in their own little world not paying attention to anything around them.

Exhibit G: Harry was about to risk it all and kiss Louis here. This was a reoccurring occurrence that happened in fetus/young larry days were Harry was so close to kissing Louis.

Exhibit H: Harry being the happiest person ever when Louis kissed his cheek

Exhibit I: Whatever the fuck this moment was the interviewers face was all of us. Also love how Liams unfazed by it and continues talking like yeah this is a normal occurrence just ignore it.

Exhibit J: All the times Harry would whisper something in Louis ear on stage leaving Louis speechless. Again one of those are we intruding moments should we be seeing this or?

I could go on but I can only put 10 gifs in a given post but I think it gets the point across anon and this was only fetus/young larry they got even worse as the years went on. Moral of the post Harry was head over heals in love with Louis since day one.

#larry #harry feel hard #louis feel hard #fetus larry #young larry #they were in love #harry feel as quick as louis did

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polyamorouscultureis · 2 years

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so me and my partner of 5 years have recently been hooking up with this other couple, we met and realised we were all bi and attracted to each other so it didn't take long for one thing to lead to another lol but we haven't had massive chats about the boundaries in terms of romance regarding these two in particular (in the past we've been practicing relationship anarchy)

we've all hooked up like 5 times now and I'm def starting to catch feelings for both of the new ppl, but I just really don't know how to approach this w/ my primary partner and even tho I kno I should communicate what I'm feeling I'm worried about ruining what is naturally developing on its own.. if that makes sense. I feel like a 1 on 1 relationship would be more organically developing but that's a bit less do-able in multiple people relationships.

would love any advice on the best way to talk about this with my primary partner and new people in my life, or whether I should just chill and see what happens for now? Ty so much!! I love ur page xx

Hi friend!

I definitely think it's worth sitting down with your primary partner and having a conversation about this if you want to pursue something romantic outside of them. In a broader sense, I would also have a group conversation (maybe even over text if easier!) to check in with everyone's boundaries - how does everyone feel about kissing/holding hands/other romantic activities? I know a lot of times in relationship anarchy that people dont care to define labels and, like you said, "see what happens." Which is perfectly fine! But there is never harm in clarifying everyones boundaries and intentions with their relationships.

Good luck anon!

#advice #polyam asks #polyamory #polyamorous #polyam #poly #lgbtq #polycule #relationship anarchy

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skepticalarrie · 2 years

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Hey, since you’ve been in this fandom for wayyy longer than I, I wanted to ask you something. To me, the only undeniable anti proof is the one where Louis’ grandpa and sisters called out larries and posted a pic of him and El. To me, this could mean multiple things:

1. Louis has the worst luck in the world and Larry is not real. But like…there’s SO SO many elounor plot holes and what abt matching tattoos and serenading and just- fuck ton of proof alright. Just things I don’t think any conspiracy theory would be able to take this far w/o actual evidence. That’s not me saying I’m a no stunts- cus honestly I just don’t buy some no stunts arguments but, I digress.

2. Larries on twt are disrespectful af and the family was clapping back bc maybe back then THOSE larries kinda made it worse for everyone? Like the way they talked to Stan was borderline immature, and I’m pretty sure if my family/friend were closeted and forced to extensively stunt I’d do anything to keep the secret so less ppl believe. Also if u think abt it- if ppl didn’t make EVERYTHING abt Larry/ make fake proof back then- the fam/friends would have no reason to be angry bc larry prob wouldn’t have to bury this secret so hard- yk? Bc whenever the families have clapped back its been to tweets talking about the proofs that over reach. Or just @ing larries bc like I said, you gotta bury the secret somehow so your homie won’t have to.

3. Management/ label/ PR team asking them to do it/ taking one for the team. I think management having control of stans or lotties or anyone’s account is too far fetched tbh. I also don’t think it’s the label because I mean- it was denied after the 1D hiatus by Lous ppl, lou who didn’t have an album out until 2020. The label also has better things to do- Hollywood leaders are too busy hiding sex offenders crimes to care abt some ‘conspiracy’. I do think maybe they do it so Louis(bc Gemma only denied it in the 1D days when Harry was actively bearding just to hide Larry rather than in PR relationships for PR and profit) doesn’t have to do anything other than hang out w Eleanor here and there. That’s my understanding of it anyways. I think I’ve done my research enough to conclude this.

Do you think any of my reasons could be right? I wanna know your train of thought. Or do larries have another explanation for why the families deny it on socials? Lmk <3

Thankss

Hey dear, how are you?

I think there are a lot of misconceptions going on here. A lot to unpack. And it's pretty ironic how the answer to your question is already on the question itself. This is obviously just my opinion, I'm not personally attacking you or anything, and feel free to disagree and do your own thing.

So. First of all, there's no such thing as blaming larries for the denials, or for making "everything about larry". Larry is making everything about larry, we're just reacting accordingly for the past decade. Yes there's a part of this fandom that is extremely annoying and doesn't seem to understand the concept of closeting, doesn't seem to understand how fucked up it is to go bother their families and friends with this. It's like people are expecting them to out Harry and Louis when they're asked about it. Which, again, is a ridiculous concept considering they're so severely closeted. So, no, larries don't have the power to make stuff about larry or to ruin solid friendships or make denials happen. The idea of larries being the ones to be blamed is absolutely ridiculous... and it's also the key point of the denials, you just hit the nail in the head by mentioning this!

There's this popular strategy used for changing people's minds or trying to shut down a particular idea, that consists in basically putting people against each other. It happens in politics, marketing and a number of other scenarios. And that’s what 1DHQ did since it was decided that larry rumours needed to be shut down. So instead of only using denials and beards, it was being pushed down everyone’s throats that believing larry was wrong, absurd, disrespectful. They started to promote larries as “not real fans”. So whenever a larrie would stand up and be vocal about it, we would be instantly silenced by other people in the fandom and called *delulu*. “Larry is a load of bullshit” “conspiracy theories” “disrespectful”. They were basically dividing the fandom by doing these kinds of denials, they created doubts in people’s minds and they wouldn’t need to rely on denials coming from H&L every single time, that way they had part of the fanbase already doing the dirty job for them by oppressing any kind of ideas about larry. Now, for something to be effective, everyone needs to play the game. If friends and family are going to out them, there’s no reason for the closeting to be happening in the first place. And we always talk about how people close to them have a massive part in pushing narratives and stunts. It sounds organic, it sounds more believable. So, naturally, they would need to play the “larries are crazy” game too. And it is what it is, that’s how things need to go. That’s why these kinds of denials happen and it will keep happening as long as they’re closeted.

Lastly, I would just like to add something else. You mentioned “undeniable anti proof” and elounor plot holes… and I think you’re trying to make sense of things from the original narrative point of view when I personally think it should be the other way around. Elounor doesn’t need to have plot holes, and antis don’t need “proofs”. This is not what makes larry real, what makes larry real is the consistency. Week after week, month after month. Patterns were created and then reinforced over and over. Consistency and context are much stronger than words and denials and stunts, and that’s what they keep showing us. Please check out this post for more about it and also my denials tag for more about the denials

#ask #denials #for beginners #larry and larries #larries #long post #1dhq

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yrbutchgf · 3 years

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hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

#asks #anonymous #butch/femme #butch tag #butch #femme #lesbiandaemon #sorry if you were looking for a more down-to-earth sort of list of tips but i have a lot of feelings about feelings LOL #also thank you again thren for letting me quote you! having a femme's perspective in there i think really enriches this and also you just.#put it so well ik i said this yesterday but it really was beautifully put

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posi-pan · 3 years

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hi! i’ve recently discovered ur blog and i’m. Very grateful for it. just reading some of ur posts has made me feel so much more comfortable in my identity and so reassured to see that there are people who will accept and support it.

i’ve come to terms w the fact that i like the label mspec (omni) lesbian for myself. it’s been difficult to process and accept bc of the sheer amount of hatred towards mspec mono ppl i’ve seen & bc gender and attraction (or lack thereof) is just. Very complicated and hard to figure out.

i’m still trying to understand myself and it’s a frustrating journey, but hopefully things will become clearer soon.

i guess i can understand people’s initial confusion towards labels that seem contradictory, but it starts getting weird when they start spewing negativity towards them and ppl who identify with them. like. idk? i’ve definitely been a little confused abt some labels but i read more abt them, listened to ppl who explained them, and i was like “oh! okay! that makes sense and that’s super cool.”

what i didn’t do was start publicly complaining on a day-to-day basis on my twitter account about how my identity is being invalidated bc of someone else’s and harass flag creators and ppl who use or support those labels????

at this point i don’t think most of these ppl are actively trying or wanting to learn. they’re just. not listening and can’t understand that ppl’s minds don’t work like their own. i also think a lot of them just see ppl saying “mspec lesbians bad” and then they rush to put “mspec lesbians dni” on their carrd without reading up on it 😭

so yeah thank u so much for being so openly supportive and inclusive!! and to all ppl out there who use labels that others find weird: u are super cool and u have a better inner understanding of ur own identity than anybody else ever could. take care <3

hi! i'm glad you like the blog and that it's been helpful! i'm happy that you've figured out and accepted your identity, but i'm sorry people being awful and queerphobic have made it a more difficult thing than it had to be. i hope your journey to better understanding yourself is smooth sailing from here (or at least without any external factors making it harder).

i definitely agree that those people are actively against learning and being inclusive and supportive. there's so much information out there, and a lot of it has been sent directly to them and they just don't care. they're actively choosing ignorance and hate. and people like that aren't worth the time and energy, ya know?

"u have a better inner understanding of ur own identity than anybody else ever could" 👏👏👏👏👏

#asks #anonymous #mspec lesbian #omni lesbian #mspec lesbian antagonism #long post

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bettsfic · 4 years

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the thing is that I don't want to abandon them, it's just that can't sit down and write, my brain is mush w/o ADHD meds, I can barely keep my grammar proper without a beta reader. It's been years with some works and struggling with them became part of my weekly routine, but if ppl r starting to notice, maybe I should just give my babies up? Not as 'revenge' or anything hahah I just don't want to keep ppl waiting and having a reputation doesn't feel good.1

I wrote this entire intricate murder mystery story that is secretly a choose your own adventure type of deal (the story is set, the options just change the character's personal outcome if that makes sense), but the reception has been overall negative because no one wants to 'get hurt again', so now I'm stumped and wondering whether or not I should just marie kondo my files and retire those stories. I guess I might have a real hoarding problem? Why am I using u as a diary? 2

You can skip the two previous lowkey freakouts if you want hahah I guess my question is: how can you tell it's time to give up? How do you know you have nothing else to offer to a story? If I do publish the outline, do you think it'll just kill the odds of me ever finishing it? How do you stop treating your stories as living, breathing individuals that can and WILL be hurt if you delete some of their files? 3

well first of all, i would never delete anything i write. i put old stuff into folders labeled “x abandoned” (so they show up at the bottom) or “delayed” if i’ve put them down but think i’ll come back to them eventually.

it doesn’t bother me to abandon stuff anymore, because i always set things down for a reason, even if i’m not aware of it. i got 40k into a novel and put it down, and it took me over a year to realize it was structurally all wrong, and that i need to completely rewrite it with the new structure.

i have a fic that’s maybe 10k, and it really just needs a polish before it’s postable, but i haven’t done that and it’s been over 2 years. it’s a post-canon fic for a show that isn’t over, and the next season comes out in 2022 or something like that, so i might pick it up again after next season and see if it’s worth salvaging.

i think what might be helpful is to go through your WIPs and see, not which ones you like most, but which are the most viable to complete. make a spreadsheet with all the titles of your wips in one column and the status of those wips in another. when you do this, you’ll probably see that a lot of things were good ideas but are not totally viable to complete, and those are the ones you can put in your delayed/abandoned folder. of what remains, you’ll find that you have your fics that were maybe too ambitious, and your investment in them is not higher than the labor it would take to complete them. those can go in the folder too.

what’s left will be the stories you’ve put a lot of work into probably and that you care the most about. order those fics by closest to completion, and do an estimate of how long it would take you to complete them. 20 hours? 40? 80? and really think about if you want to put that work in. if yes, schedule time in advance to do it. one hour every morning on the wip that means the most to you. you may also consider capping the workload -- anything that would take you over 20 hours to complete, you should set aside.

i know adhd is working against you in this regard, and that might make tasks like this more difficult than they would otherwise be. i hope you’re able to get treatment, because that’ll make tasks like the ones i’ve described above a lot less arduous. what might help is to hang out with a friend (in person or online even) who can anchor you while you work and with whom you can talk while you make these decisions, and they can give you feedback on the things you should keep working on or set aside.

your goal is to narrow your list to 1 to 3 wips with a max workload of 40 estimated hours.

this is very prescriptive advice, but i know a lot of writers with mile-long wip lists and this is the process i take them through to narrow them down. do not feel bad about setting things aside or abandoning them -- one day, your interest in them might return, and they’ll be there waiting for you. or, you’ll use what you learn from one abandoned project to sow seeds for a different project. you may take language, images, conflicts, and characterizations from an abandoned work to give life to a new work. i promise, nothing you make is ever wasted.

i hope this helps. feel free to keep me posted!

#writing advice #Anonymous

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