#but on your dick | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eebie · 2 months

Text

fandom tag being filled with nothing but X readers and thirsts is the online equivalent to

#1 of the most emotional compelling stories ever told through a video game and u walk away from that with ur hand not on your chin #but on your dick #Like come on #my rambles #no shame 2 the people who want joel or ellie in the 2nd game But is this it #like it’s miles and miles of this #😢😢😢😢😢#i wouldnt be postingabt it if it was like 1 thirst every 5-10 posts #but im talking consistent walls of it

26 notes · View notes

galaxymagitech · 19 days

Text

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.

#in Gotham saying I want to get a PhD #is equivalent to saying I want to enlist in the army #like we admire your sacrifice please don’t die or go crazy or be evil #either that or announcing that you’re dropping out of high school to start a rock band with the local pot dealer #incorrect batman quotes #batman #dc #dc comics #dcu #batfamily #batfam #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #humor

9K notes · View notes

frownyalfred · 3 months

Text

“The Batkids probably gave Dick so much shit when he first put on the Batsuit.” No. The Batkids all saw Dick in Bruce’s suit and all secretly felt nauseous about how wrong it looked. How wrong it felt.

#like a bad shiver down your spine #thoughts #bruce wayne #batman #dc #batfamily #dick grayson #nightwing

11K notes · View notes

ditzybat · 2 months

Text

dick, who just got black mailed by 12 year old stalker tim: scary, that tim kid has a spot on bat-glare despite not spending anytime with you whatsoever, i mean the resemblance is uncanny

bruce trying to figure out if he ever slept with janet drake: very scary…

#bruce: i’ve slept with jack for sure - janet? that woman scares me too much #dick: but isn’t that your type? women who could and will destroy you?#bruce: oh my god..#dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #robin #red robin #batman #nightwing #janet drake #jack drake

9K notes · View notes

lustwithoutlore · 3 months

Text

After a mission…

Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.

Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?

Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.

Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.

11K notes · View notes

violent138 · 1 month

Text

The idea of the Batkids doing normal people things while suited up is hilarious to me, you know, like Red Robin and Spoiler making the 9 o'clock news while racing through a grocery store because they totally forgot to get the things Alfred asked them to bring for the family dinner. Or Damian and Dick swinging into the Bludhaven Zoo mid-patrol because Dami really wanted to see the new baby tiger. Red Hood buying lemonade from a kid's stand and then standing there awkwardly messing with his helmet, trying not to hurt the kid's feelings. Black Bat, on a particularly tiring day randomly appeared in the nosebleeds of the ballet hall and started sniping phones out of people's hands. Or Signal and a deeply irritated Batman changing out a blown-out tyre in some back alley, earning amused looks.

8K notes · View notes

stormy-skyzzzzzz · 2 months

Text

i adore these two.

anyone who says they don’t act like brothers doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

8K notes · View notes

cardinalvalentino · 1 month

Text

ok im really curious do you guys have books you consider your "white whale"? as in books you keep telling yourself oh yeah i really want to read that, but you keep not reading it?

#mine are definitely the magic mountain; crime and punishment; moby dick and ulysses #rb with yours if you want :)#and yes the use of ''white whale'' was intentional considering i keep not fucking reading moby dick #10.txt

7K notes · View notes

excalisi · 2 months

Text

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feeds into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

#dc #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc robin #robin #batfam #batfamily #you're a goon in gotham wondering in terror where the hell those menaces are so that their chirping echoes from everywhere at once #and red robin is just snidely insulting your haircut while red hood laughs at you #bird bats of gotham

5K notes · View notes

redsray · 3 months

Text

I love the hc that Tim never really stopped taking pictures of heroes and vigilantes even after he became Robin. Not even out of hero worship or anything-- he just found it fun. In fact, being Robin just made this hobby easier to do. He has them separated in folders and definitely has blackmail photos included.

The first time Tim met the Justice League one of his first reactions was to sneakily take at least one picture of each of them. Clark vaguely heard a camera shutter but he could never find any cameras or camera owners.

Sometimes Bruce comes to him and asks for specific pictures of members of the JL doing things they shouldn't be doing i.e Barry ditching a meeting cause he was eating Chipotle in the Watchtower kitchen. No one knows how Bruce gets the pictures except for the other Batfam members.

Tim is the god of blackmail right behind Babs. You need older blackmail or videos? Go to Babs. But Good quality blackmail photos? Tim is your guy.

He has at least 4 folders full of pictures of Dick specifically. One for his time as Robin, one for Nightwing, one for Discowing and one for just Dick.

He also manages to have pictures he definitely should not have because how did you get into the cave before you were Robin, Tim, but he refuses to elaborate on those. i.e Robin Jason out of costume, cozily reading at the batcomputer ("seriously, Tim, that's creepy"), Dick when he first adopted Haley ("were you there when I rescued her?!"), Damian training with the League of Assassins ("how the hell did you get that"), Duke back during the We Are Robin movement ("I do not remember you pulling out any cameras what the hell")

#tim drake #batfam #batman #red robin #hes a little stalker #let him be one #creepy kid #i love him #jason todd #dick grayson #duke thomas #if you hear a camera shutter in the corner of your room ignore it its just tim #-bruce #jl: what is that in the corner #bruce: red robin just ignore him he likes his pictures

8K notes · View notes

abisalli · 4 months

Text

detective work 🔍❓

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #dc comics #my art #digital art #this started with Chibi batman and then I just kinda kept going #I've been looking into opening my own sticker shop lately because I have accumulated a bunch of sticker designs #so coming march or april you may be able to get your very own abisablli sticker designs :)#batfamily

8K notes · View notes

fanaticalthings · 6 days

Text

While I do find it funny that henchmen in Gotham probably warn each other about the Red Hood because he's a bat who will actually kill you. I think it would be better if Jason was actually seen as some sort of savior or idol to like 90% of the goons scattered around Gotham. Doesn't matter who they work for, they all know Jason, former crime-lord that took over majority of Gotham's underground in one night.

---

Jason, years after the events of UTRH, now fighting crime alongside the batfam, except every goon he runs into immediately recognizes him, stops fighting, and starts begging.

the first time it happens, Jason assumes they're begging for their lives only to hear them begging for him to return to the crime lord business so they can work for him and not Gotham's current money-stingy, abusive rogues (Black Mask lol)

---

Jason showing up to patrol as backup for Dick in an overrun warehouse full of Two-Face's henchmen and as Jason's about to interfere, one of the men stops dead in their tracks and stares really hard at Jason until:

Goon: Oh my God, boss, is that you?

Jason, pulling out his guns, about to shoot:

Goon: Mr. Hood, sir???

Jason, halfway about to pull the trigger: Wait a min–Jeremy? Oh wow, it's been ages! How's the wife?

Goon (Jeremy): Oh my God it IS you, holy shit where have you BEEN? Me and the guys miss you, man!

Dick, with a knife at his throat: What is happening right now

Jason: Ahh, well, crime-lording just wasn't fitting in on the daily schedule. Tryna turn over a new leaf and all that

Goon (Jeremy): Aw, that's disappointing. We really liked working for you, right guys?

[Chorus of enthusiastic "YEAHS" from the rest of the henchmen (even the one holding Dick at knifepoint)]

Goon (Jeremy): Well, anyways, I can't beat you up knowing you're my old boss! You gave us the best health benefits! We'll just let you take the evidence and leave.

Jason: Aw, thanks guys :)

---

And that's why 95% percent of Jason's missions in Gotham end in success. Not because he's willing to kill people or because rogues are terrified of him, but because 90% of the rogues' henchmen once worked for Jason and fuckin love him lol.

5K notes · View notes

trashmakerarticle · 7 months

Text

Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.

Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?

Dick: obviously it’s me?

Tim: it’s dick

Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.

Bruce: it’s Jason

Everyone: WHAT?!?!???

Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week

*everyone looks at dick*

Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school

*everyone looks at tim*

Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him

*everyone looks at Damian*

Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy

Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away

Bruce: my precious little boy

#jason todd #Bruce Wayne #dick Grayson #Damian Wayne #tim Drake #clark kent #Batman #alfred pennyworth #Bruce: he my little baby #jason: I’m 6’2 and have the ability to kill you if I wanted #Bruce: my baby my little son #jason: GOD YOURE SO EMBARRASSING DAD #jason was probably the most behaved child before he went boom boom and I stand by that #he enjoyed school #most likey hated it when he missed it #and he loves classic literature???#bros a huge nerd #yea dick is all smiles but probably gave Bruce’s near death heart attacks everytime he swung from chandeliers and rooftops #jason just wanted to live his life in the library reading his fav books and homework

10K notes · View notes

marskiiii · 8 days

Text

ok ok new au time so:

- dick and jason get picked up around the same time (dick first and then like two months later or sm, jason)

- theyre around the same age (dick 10, jason 11)

- basically grew up like twins (aka. very close bonds)

- dick is robin, jason is hood

- batman is still tired but happy

uhh ill figure more out later but ye

DO NOT SHIP

4K notes · View notes

unidentifiedgothamite · 18 days

Text

duke: who do you guys think is bruce's favorite child?

jason: it's probably fingerstripes

dick: me?! it's obviously you, jay

tim: it's jason

steph: facts. b lets him get away with everything, including murder

cass: jason

damian: as much as i loathe to admit it, father does treat todd differently

jason: ya'll are trippin'

meanwhile...

clark: b, just curious, but, do you have a favorite child?

bruce: hn, what date is it?

clark: um, may 12th?

bruce: then it's batcow

clark: what

bruce: did i stutter?

8K notes · View notes

cosmicpoutine · 2 months

Text

joining the bat fandom is so fun, you pick a robin and hold onto that thing for dear life

#istg dont let go of your robin #batfam #robin #batman #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damien wayne #stephanie brown #theres more #more robins #so many

8K notes · View notes