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flowerflamestars · 2 years

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What do you think of Rhysand’s mother? I have a few questions about her after reading this post (https://flowerflamestars.tumblr.com/post/641487845398364160/are-we-ever-gonna-talk-about-how-rhysand-can) about Rhysand’s childhood.

1. Do you think Rhysand’s was as soft and gentle as Rhysand portrays her? I never got that vibe because when he describes her, he said that she gave her ring to the Weaver for safekeeping and brought Rhysand to the camps for training? I think it would take a very cunning and intelligent person to bring their child to the camps for more than one type of training (physically and not just magically). I truly do not think that she was as helpless as Rhysand portrays her to be. What do you think?

2. Why do you think she brought Rhysand to the camps? There are a few reasons mentioned within the books, they are: she wanted him to know his culture, use his physical strength and not his magical strength, and that she saw his father as cruel and wanted Rhysand to be separate from him. The issue I have with this is that it actually does not make any sense.

Rhysand’s mother was raised in a family oriented society, Azriel said as much when he was teaching Feyre how to fly. So for her to “break up” their family and go against the values she was raised with by sending Rhysand to the camps, I think she did it because she hated his father. I do not truly think it had anything to do with Rhysand having control over his physical strength and not just his magical prowess. She was removed from her people very abruptly, forced to live in a land that she probably knew nothing about, and did not see her family until she came back to the Illyrian camps. It literally said she was brought to Velaris and became his bride the same night. It was probably very jarring for her and I think that is why she struggled to like his father. And on top of that, his father was known to be mean. I do not think she brought Rhysand to the camps because she wanted him to be physically strong, I think she thought him because training male children is all she knows, (it’s what she grew up with in the camps) and she wanted to get away from Rhysand’s father that she saw as evil.

I do not hate her but I think the way she is described in the series by Rhysand is a bit contradictory. I don’t think there was a lot of foreword planning as to why she brought him to the camp, she just did not like his father and made Rhysand train because it is all she saw the women around her doing while she was growing up.

3. Why specifically do you think Rhysand hates the Illyrians? I firmly believe that he hates them because of their way of life. He seems to enjoy the nicer things in life, he doesn’t live in the camps and likes having nice expensive things. I loved how in your post you highlighted how his first couple years of life was in absolute privilege and pleasure. He had no worries and then suddenly he was dumped in a freezing cold place where people barely have any belonging except for the stuff they need to survive. It was probably very jarring and confusing for him and he never got over it.

I am so happy that I came across someone who speculates about Rhysand mother. A figure we hardly talk about or was mentioned in the books.

Hi, thank you!

Caveat, obviously, this is all my own personal speculation, and I think Rhysand's mother (and his sister, for that matter) aren't really characters in canon, so much as they are plot beats. They're there initially to explain the Tamlin/Rhysand hostility (which Rhys just forgave? I guess?) and then if we're really stretching things as a sort of combo guilt complex/justification for being over-protective of Feyre.

The soft and gentle vibe...very much rubs me the wrong way. We don't have a good handle on when, exactly Rhysand's mother died- after the first war with Hybern, since we know Rhysands father was High Lord during that conflict- but not so long after that Rhysand wasn't young. And that shows. His mother is kind, beautiful phantom.

He can tell Feyre her actions- arguably ruthless and iconoclastic (more on that later)- but he then completely flattens her character into one note: his mother. his beautiful, good, tragic mother.

Which is not to say ruthless woman aren't good mothers- it's that Rhysand carries so much guilt about her death that he cannot, even as an adult, even five hundred years later, see her as a whole, complete person.

I think she probably was a good mother- but not in ways Rhysand bothers to reflect on.

Which brings me to the Illyrian camps.

I've never seen it addressed, but I cannot imagine Rhysand's mother returning to that place- she has a house! she stays there and takes care of Rhys and his friends!- was not a personal sacrifice.

There are two Illyrian women, in total, in all of the books, who can fly. Who are not ritually maimed. Who have, besides the freedom of the sky, the apparent freedom to go wherever they want: Rhysand's mother, and Rhysand's sister.

Their whole existence spits in the face of tradition.

She stays in a hostile environment so her son knowns he isn't alone. And maybe this is where his dislike of Illyrians started- they probably fucking despised his mother.

(I can't speculate about family because...it doesn't seem like there is any? I also don’t think a woman who tried starving herself and drugging herself to avoid the rituals her people practiced around puberty really cared about falling in with tradition)

But I do really think he takes all the wrong lessons from it. (as expanded on in the original post) I don't even think it's about superior training- the Illyrian Legions are a threat, ultimately because their entire existence has been reduced down to war- but the other faeries we meet? The other High Lords, even? Are all incredibly violent. Rhysand was always going to learn to fight, not to mention the fact that he can, as is apparently a family skill, melt people with his brain.

But I digress- I think the whole point isn't threat, necessarily, it's that Rhysand's mother is preparing for his adulthood. She's showing him where she came from, with the knowledge he, and he alone, can change it some day.

Ditto for the ring! If her son was going to grow to break traditions, then whoever his partner was, they were going to be in danger too. It's a pretty straightforward test of strength. There's a future Rhysand's mom wants to happen, and she's shoring it up in fascinatingly ruthless ways.

Which means it's time to talk about Daddy Rhysand.

In VERY SIMILAR my parents are not people they're how I traumatically felt about them when they died when I had the maturity of a teen and have NEVER INTERROGATED ANY EMOTION EVER- Rhysand's father is hilariously one-note.

We know he separated Rhysand from his friends during the war- which I know we're supposed to see as mean and unfair but...kind of makes sense? So much as anything does in an obviously flawed, shitty system but like, they belonged to different parts of a military defense???

Anyway.

We know Rhysand dismissed his government- no clues on what that structure was- and replaced them with his friends.

And we know, that despite whatever flaws Rhysand prescribes, he could have loved Rhysand's mother very much.

I have to disagree with the whole hiding in the camps/hiding the ring thing for the very simple reason that Rhysand's father could have stopped her, at literally any time. He lets her take his heir to this incredibly dangerous place, which shows, at minimum, trust in her judgement.

He doesn't do anything, as far as we know, when she gives away her wedding ring for Plotting Antics.

Rhysand remembers them as Wild & Kind vs Rigid & Mean- but like, isn't that exactly how an angry teen who doesn't have the skills/perspective/emotional maturity would see it?

Not to lean hard on the grievously sexist world-building, but High Lords hold absolute power in their Courts.

Rhysand's mother was, in contrast, not just lacking in power because she was a young woman, but was also a member of tightly controlled, horrifically abused minority.

Saving her initially from the wing-clipping can probably be written off- ugh ugh ugh on 'protective instincts'- but after that? He takes her home. He doesn't hide her or seem remotely ashamed of her, from what we know. She was Lady of Night. She lived in palace he built her, specifically designed to be flown to, where no one could winnow, for her safety and comfort.

He didn't stop her from teaching their children things from a culture faeries of his class wildly despise. Moreover, it sounds like she just did whatever the hell she wanted, traveling around, making deals with the Weaver, ect.

None of that means their relationship couldn't have problems or difficulties, but what we're shown is ultimately more complex. It could have been love! She could have been terribly lonely! He could have tried and failed to bridge the gap! We just don't know, but he never caged her or even, it seems, contained her.

I can't, for example, imagine Rhysand allowing Feyre to run away to Illyria with their kid.

Which- okay, I can't talk about Rhysand's mother without talking about the dress thing.

The ring thing? Ruthless. Crazy. An interesting snap-shot into what Rhysand's mother was like.

THE DRESS THING??? God. Wearing an inherited piece of jewelry, like say, an heirloom wedding ring guarded by a primordial horror, can be cool.

Wearing clothes your mother-in-law made, who happened to be a very talented seamstress? Yeah, works of art.

WEARING CLOTHES YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE YOU, THAT YOUR SPOUSE PICKS OUT FOR YOU, PRE-CHOSEN FOR EVERY IMPORTANT OCCASION WHILE YOU'RE WEARING HER RING, INHERITING HER TITLE AND LIVING IN HER HOUSE? Fucking weird

This is, of course, not the most egregious or creepy boundary crossing thing that happens, by far, but thinking about it AT ALL makes me feel like my brain is liquifying.

Rhysand's daddy issues are so loud they envelope everything- and, dare I say, define his entire adult character almost as badly as Feyre's do- but the behind the scenes mommy issues?

Feyre with ILLYRIAN WINGS! AS A SEX THING! Feyre's insanely inadvisable pregnancy!

Rhysand has rolled all his guilt into one unhealthy thing and it's Feyre, his mom sister pet Mate, he'll do anything to protect.

He's like one book from hauling out her old dresses from storage and having a family portrait made of himself (a better version of his father, A DREAMER), Mama Feyre, and perfect little treasure better future perfect accessory NightNight staged the same way as the royal portraiture that used to be in his father's office or something. WE ARE RIGHT ON AN ALARMING LINE

In sum: I think Rhysand's mother is fascinating, and we're never going to know more. I don't find Rhysand's hatred of Illyrians justifiable- it's cultural, but it's also systemic and he is, literally, the head of the broken system causing most, if not all, of that cascade. He could have been a great hope for them, as a nation.

I can go either way on Rhysand's parents having a good or bad relationship- there's no definitive answer, but I do think her agency is present enough to...wonder about how he speaks about it.

#no one @ me about the mommy issues #yall it is there it is not subtle I have been side eyeing it for YEARS #the whole here's a dress for you thing #IS a classic #but it gets weird after a while okay?#and god.#will someone every tell me why all these women need to wear Illyrian-style leather pants to EXERCISE IN?#they're for flying! for warmth!#for oggling apparently #I digress I secretly love Rhysand's mom who was probably much cooler than he is #Love the idea that he grew up consciously trying not to be his dad and ended up...worse than his dad #I hope Mama Rhysand and the Weaver were buds #I hope she went to the Hewn City wearing head to to toe diamonds and telling racists to fuck off #I hope her hot scary husband didn't even know how to keep up with her #and settled for like: being the the boring dad who had an important job and lavishly took care of everyone #Rhysand on his dad: HE WAS A BASTARD #actually rhysands dad: an upper class weirdo by-product of the system who didn't know how to hug #Rhysand on his mom: SO KIND SO SOFT SO-#rhysand's mom: go freeze half to death and get the shit beat out of you baby it's life lesson time

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densewentz · 9 months

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hear me out, post-divorce girl!Dad Crowley

im not even kidding you guys, the best thing for Crowley after all this is just for him to be a girl Dad. Go find himself the weirdest most unhinged least likely up for adoption daughter to dump all his love onto. One who thinks snakes are awesome and who screeches happily when Crowley drives too fast and who thinks her Dad's the absolute coolest person on or off earth. She'll constantly be stealing his sunglasses or demanding her own pair so they match. No doubt she's obsessed with fungus and she probably draws the most fucked up stuff that Crowley then hangs around the flat, and she'll yell at the plants too with her hands on her hips. On nights after goofy dinners, Crowley will hoist her up on his shoulders and help her accurately place the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling and softly answer every question she ever has. And it won't even phase her when sometimes her Dad is her Mom or her Parent for a while or vice versa. And she'll be ready to full on throw hands with anyone who gives her Dad sad-face. She probably ends up biting Aziraphale when he eventually staggers back into the picture, and the Angel will have to contend with the fury of a real hellion for a while before she trusts him enough to let him anywhere near Crowley. Also i think her name should be Hanna.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #anthony j crowley #he would just be the BEST unhinged single parent okay #with several full lifetimes of love to give if someone would just TAKE it #i mean look how he looks at job's weird little girl that was a show stealer #hanna would ask him if she could be a snake too for an afternoon and it would make his chest ache but he'd do it bc hes mr. Acts of Service #and then he and his unhinged kid could go terrorize their rude neighbors or something. a little serpentine family bonding #crowley has to leave hanna with muriel and its not hanna he's worried about its what trouble hanna will get MURIEL into #i think crowley's rules about cussing are its 100% fine so long as the context is REALLY funny #so while metatron or shax or god or whoever the big bad of s3 is is giving their big villain monologue #a tiny sweet little voice yells “hey” and after everyone goes quiet and turns to look at her a secondary “shut the fuck up! 😀”#dense's ramblings #sorry im going to be feral about this for a while #might do some art #hanna crowley

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 4 months

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I'm continuing my DAO replay and like....... are we just not going to talk about the fact that Anora's handmaiden is Orlesian?

I'm sorry, how did the Queen of Fereldan end up with an Orlesian handmaid? Did Loghain approve of that? Because I bet he sure didn't! Given everything about him, I bet he threw a real stink about that! And yet, Erlina is close enough to Anora to beg the wardens to save her after she's locked up by Howe, appearing entirely loyal to her.

So I broke out the World of Thedas vol2 to see if it said something in there about her and I couldn't find anything. All the wiki has to say is, "Erlina is the handmaiden of Queen Anora. Not much is known about her background but she apparently escaped from Orlais. Arl Eamon suspects that she is more than a simple servant."

Gee, ya think, Eamon?

I just find that to be a very interesting detail, one that has my theorist gears cranking and spinning.

#dao #dragon age origins #anora mac tir #dao anora #loghain mac tir #dao loghain #cailan was talking with celene and anora has an orlesian handmaiden... they're probably not connected #but that's not gonna stop me from attempting to connect them... something's weird okay i can sense it #also erlina “escaped”? i need to go finish this quest so i can talk to her properly and see exactly what she says #since maybe she gives a reason... but then again if she did then wouldn't the wiki say something...?#like i can think of a dozen reasons why an elven woman would want to escape orlais but how did she end up as the queen's handmaid? hmmmm...#y'all something's up and i don't know what it is #pi and i were talking about this the other night while theorizing if anora had her own plans to get rid of cailan and like......#i'm not saying anora was definitely scheming to get cailan booted off the throne so she could rule alone only for loghain to swoop in #and steal her thunder...... BUT I have suspicions and she *is* loghain's daughter after all... just saying #i don't doubt that anora loved cailan at one point but remember loghain loved him too.... and how did that work out?

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sysig · 19 days

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The most fun you can have, barring the pain and torture (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Teisel #Max Vyer #Zack Fair #Vlad Masters #Weird fun fact??? The last time I posted Vlad was also in the same set as ZEX so uh????? Lol #I could not have possibly planned that so please just enjoy the serendipity - I certainly am lol #Anyway <3 Mostly leftover doodles for now! There's still more especially planned/in my notes but we're at a lull #And it's time for some silliness! :D Love silliness!#Starting with a very cute tiny ZEX ??ing at slippers - he really didn't wear footwear much - or at least it wasn't mentioned so lol #Max has barefoot energy too it's fine lol #And ZEX only wears shoes in his VUX form sometimes! Surely it's just as unnecessary for humans! Hehe #After I doodled him holding a pencil like half-properly I realized oh yeah - he wouldn't do that unless directed would he haha #Much more natural to curl - or at least as close as possible with fingers - around his writing implement :D #I do wonder what he'd think of human calligraphy brushes hmm - more natural? Less? He'd certainly enjoy watching but when doesn't he <3 #Oh I loved him sitting and enjoying the rain ♥ Reminded me of Gaster :D Though this came well-first hehe <3 #Just a very pleasant detail - amphibious lad loving precipitation hehe #Another simple one of hanging out with Teisel ugh he kicked his legs in the absence of his tail he's so cute weh ;;♥#Hey Max is actually here for a change!! I want to give him more attention he deserves it - especially with everyone being so mean to him :')#He just wants friends! He's barely here be nice to him while he is! At least Peter was nice to him haha #You only think he's creepy because you think he's fake and ZEX is real - they're both real don't be mean #Max's clinginess is so sad here haha :') Protect him pls <3 #I love ZEX's asides with Vlad lol ♪ Man I really haven't drawn him in ages too long!#Okay but the image of ZEX in a nurse costume? Amazing he'd rock it - Max even moreso since he'd understand the context <3 #Get this man in a skirt and heels stat he'll look So pretty ♫

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blade-that-was-broken · 2 months

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People be like: oohhhhh what if John Dory and Delta Dawn are bitter exes/divorced/angry history

Me: but what if… what if they weren’t? What if they were chill besties that weren’t on bad terms??

#I only ship delta Dory in select aus #very select #how interesting or even funny it would be if they were on good terms and friends?#like everyone sees jd go up to delta and they’re like OH NO this will end poorly #but jd just like heyyyyy sup girl and delta be like hey you weird little pop troll been a while #and they just chill #like idk it would be funnyyyyyy #and frankly super interesting #it partially has #to do with how I think trolls are more platonic than humans #I want jd to have friends okay???#I also support poppy jd friendship rights #and I read a fic where after tbt viva bonds with jd and realizes he’s kind of like a practical father to her and I’m like ???? oooooohhhh??#I kinda like that?#cause they’d kinda get along with the whole surviving thing??? maybe??

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mcybree · 4 months

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Random limlife Scott rant, GO!

I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.

#Okay im half joking #I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble #I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis #because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do #The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that—#Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being—#dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again #I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season #not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his—#rough relationship history #not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything #sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts #Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring #“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it #he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it #pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that #He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring #Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man #I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional #because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious #He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy #in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally #that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense #rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour #bree barks so fucking loud #asks

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monkee-mobile · 5 months

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oh my god i have so many WEIRD self-projection tv show monkees headcanons that I feel like i’d get yelled at for having but like, it’s all about stuff that I’ve done or literally do and cannot help. sometimes i want to share them and then freak out about backlash but i feel like any backlash would just be from ableist people.

#the monkees #okay it’s not like THAT weird #like for example: peter struggles with bedwetting. like that’s not that bad i guess but people might be like NO NOT MY CHARACTER—and that’s #fine that’s fine. that’s just my little headcanon thing because i’ve had issues with that all my life and i see similarities in myself in #the character of peter #stress and autism combined does not bode well for brain being able to focus on keeping piss inside body while sleeping #especially when you have bad nightmares #which i think peter sometimes gets. maybe after the devil and peter tork #i’ve just been thinking about these kind of headcanons because i’ve been going through it recently lol #like all the crazy stuff #and the monkees help they really do. it’s a weird comfort from my childhood to put all of my struggles onto mike or peter or davy #(i did not like micky as a kid and now i feel bad! i love micky now!! shut up idiot child!!! he’s wonderful!!!!)

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sunset-peril · 20 days

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Social Relationships - Link Imperial Hyrule (HFS, TotK)

Key -

❤️ - Immediate Family 🩷 - Extended Family 🧡 - Friends 💛 - Working/Business 💙 - True Neutral 💚 - It's Awkward 🩶 - Dislike/Avoid 🖤 - Get out of my life by any means possible (may be willing to kill or severely harm)

Relationships -

Hometown

Check the Hateno Village Social Makeup for a Who's Who

Zelda (Esmerelda) Hyrule - ❤️ (wife, "queen" of pack)

Zelda Ivee Hyrule - ❤️ (daughter)

Reede Imperial - 🩷 (great-grand-nephew)

Clavia Imperial - 🩷 (great-grand-niece, by marriage)

Karin Imperial - 🩷 (great-great-grand-niece)

Sophie - 🧡

Cece - 🖤

Ivee (East Wind) - 💛

Pruce - 💛

Amira - 🩶

Tamana - 💙

Teebo - 💛 (mentee)

Medda - 🧡 (neighbor)

Aster - 🧡 (neighbor)

Dantz - 💛

Koyin - 🧡

Sayge - 💛

Senna - 💙 (nice lady but kind of scary-looking)

Sefaro - 🧡

Prima - 💙

Warten - 💙

Uma - 🧡

Traveling

Riju - 🧡

Buliara - 💛

Sidon - 🧡

Yona - 💛

Yunobo - 🧡

Teba - 🧡

Tulin - 🧡 (has a family-like relationship, but are not related)

Kass - 🩷 (great-grand-nephew)

Impa - 🧡

Purah - 🧡

Robbie - 🧡

Paya - 💚💛 (relationship was awkward for some time, then became a stable working relationship)

Hudson - 🧡

Rhondson - 💛

Kohga - 🖤

Memory

Rhoam - 🩷💚

Urbosa - 🩷🧡

Mipha - 🧡

Revali - 🧡💛 (Link's still not sure if they were friends or not)

Daruk - 🧡

Hyrule's Final Stand Masterlist

#tears of the kingdom #the legend of zelda #zelink #my stuff #hyrule's final stand #breath of the wild #legend of zelda #link imperial hyrule #split this out from the Hateno Village post to keep that post from getting all messy #obviously doesn't include all the pre-Calamity peeps that's another post for another time #Link has OPINIONS #he gets his pettiness from his mommy #okay okay I know that Link doesn't meet Yona until after Zelda goes missing #But it felt weird to exclude her #especially since i included dead people #so in she goes #NO I do not have time to explain how Link and Kass are related #yes Link does like Yona #They just haven't crossed the friend border yet #They're not SUPER well acquainted #can you tell I'm writing these tags while I'm working on this?#lemme know if I forgot any important totk NPCs that AREN'T related to the dragon's tears #the upheaval hasn't happened yet

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vilelittlecritter · 1 year

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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

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witherbythesword · 2 months

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thinking about unspeakable violence dished out like a soft caress. No sudden force, no screams of "no, no please stop" but just two people completly wrapped up in each other.

Embrasing the pain they give willingly and eagerly. Even as it gets more intense. Why act like you don't want it, you both you want it. To be hit and choked and cut with whinces and controlled breathing through the pain and tears but always a soft smile at the end.

Them being allowed to completly tire themself out, flex their muscles as much as they want. Feeling completly accepted and loved in their sadism. I want to be so good they get into a dom rush. Getting more and more intense and violent until they can't help themself and fold me in two to fuck me to pieces.

thinking about the calmness and the pain. The slow pressing of throats and forming bruises. Smiling into kisses as a pain that was almost unbearable subsides, ready to take more.

Being cut and it hurts so bad, your pupils blown wide, your whole focus on them. You look like a dear ready to be slaughtered under them so cute.

and then they take a lemon to squeeze the juice over to make you whimper some more.

#wither writes #whatever #WHATEVER #And then just getting praised SO much after #clinging to them like a coala while we watch a nice movie and tell them how much the mean to me #and kiss them all over #and they hold me and we drink some hard chocolate #and we both know the pains are going to get worse before they get better but it's just a form love takes shape for us #nsfwtext #so it's okay #just us both glowing and being fully sateiated in our masochist and sadist urges #and feeling so connected #i love other ways of getting hurt of course too!#but it's sunday and all i want is a slow day of being a deer before the slaughter ♡#:3 #Loving you like a prey animal loves their hunter #flirting (wolf with blood all other them and their snout burried in a dee carcass)#lol #yesterday my friend asked me something #and after i gave my answer they didn't say anything for a few secs and then asked “and how is living with that kind of mental derangement?”#and it took me straight out and i laughed my ass off #but now everytime I say something slightly weird I think “and how is living with that sort of mental derangement?”#very nice honestly #I am frolicking through the fields and running.into traffic at night the whole thing I can only recommend it

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official-nina-hopkins · 2 months

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ACTUALLY, Being a Spanish-English speaker that loves Pokepastas/Creepypastas is suffering because the Spanish side of the fandom has such fucking good rewrites and reimaginings (Seeth and Sonic Pizza and las cartuchos de Marcos/Marco's cartridges saga by Rocket Chunk) that no one outside that sphere will be able to enjoy because of the language barrier, it haunts me frankly, no one but me and 37 k viewers will know about Dolor Encarnado and how hard it goes.

#pokepasta #creepypasta #martin speaks #i am on the verge of making an au where all the narrators of these creepypastas interact and get to know each other while solving a mystery #that will destroy them. Lost Silver narrator totally has had his life go comically downhill after the creepypasta but is fine with it.#glitchy red narrator is one of the oldest and a up coming father figure. his empathy is endless and he is just a bit silly n goofy #okay imma stop now #but yea the au totally is a sort of morbid comedy with legit psychological horror and disgusting elements in it. as it is inherent if you #in what i am thinking of making #think. how scp can bounce from legit horror. to what the fuck weirdness to straight up puke worthy madness with the most insane of plots and #worldbuilding. i am picturing that sort of vibe for the au

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autistic-shaiapouf · 2 months

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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

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cave-monkey · 2 months

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I'm watching Monkey King 2009, and I know a bit of what happens to Six Ears later so I can't help but look at things through that lens, specifically the ways the FFM troop are a hot mess in a way that's actually kind of interesting and addressed in the show (to the extent a kid's show generally touches on those things). Like! The fact it's only the second episode and the troop is now two-for-two throwing Six Ears to the wolves at the first available opportunity! I decided to look back on what happened the last time they did this and go ahead and outline the thoughts I was having on it because, apparently(!), this was not a one-off! And I was not overreacting!

The very first fight scene in the series in Episode 1. Analysis, go!

Specifically, the part where a child is the one facing down the leader of the enemy warband, a combatant who already mowed through the advances of two experienced, trained adults with minimal effort, and the show...actually kind of goes a semi-realistic route with it?

Six Ears starts off strong and confident. He's basically an adult, his king put him up to this, of course he can handle it! He won't let him down!

And he does a pretty good job! It's very kid's show fun and punchy.

But then the Demon King of Havoc - an adult, a trained fighter, a blooded fighter - starts buckling down. And Six Ears slips up. And then he keeps slipping up.

It's not fun anymore. Six Ears is in way over his head and he knows it. So you get this (honestly kind of heartstring-tugging) shot of him glancing away while the Demon King approaches to look for his mentor and idol for help or guidance or something. He's a kid, he's scared now, and he wants his grandfather.

...and finds him asleep.

Now in most media I'd expect this to either be the mentor-figure feigning indifference or carelessness to encourage their pupil to handle the problem themselves (and implying in the process that they never doubted their pupil's ability to handle it - that they were never in actual danger), or this would just be building tension before the seemingly-oblivious mentor-figure suddenly intervenes at the critical moment.

But, of course, Six Ears isn't the actual protagonist, and that's not what happens. Six Ears looks to his king for help, finds none, and that's it. The Demon King of Havoc goes in for the kill and all Six Ears can do is run.

And he does, and he runs and runs and runs, farther and farther from his troop and anyone who can help because apparently no one was paying attention to the kid who was taking on the leader of the entire opposing force by himself, and he barely stays ahead of the sword, the trees the Demon King sends crashing down on him, and he's blatantly not able to do anything more than survive moment to moment.

And then he can't run anymore.

And the Old Monkey King doesn't show up. We find out he was never going to show up.

We get a shot of the Old Monkey King slowly waking up way back in the camp well after this scene, in response to Stone Monkey's hatching. (He also stands bolt right up, which is probably meant to be in shock at the giant stone rocketing into the sky wreathed in universe energy but I also like to think might also have been a "Where the FUCK is my KID" just so I can imagine someone was concerned about Six Ears during all this.)

Like, I cannot emphasize enough, Six Ears would be dead if Stone Monkey hadn't been hatching at this exact moment. An energy burst from the hatching blinds the Demon King long enough for Six Ears to bolt and start the chase again. That's what saves him. And then again when Six Ears manages to get the egg between him and a blow from the Demon King's sword.

Considering how eager the generals are to throw Six Ears to Stone Monkey when they're still convinced he's a legitimate danger in literally just the next episode, presumably just days after all this went down, and I...sort of think they were fully aware Six Ears was likely going to die to the Demon King. While I hesitate to say they didn't care at all, they showed in Episode 2 pretty clearly that they definitely cared way less about a child of their troop's likely death than they did about saving their own skins. Not enough to back him up, not enough to go after him when he's forced to flee, not enough to take on the fight in his place.

Which is tremendously messed up all on it's own, but it gets worse because these generals are all for treating him like a young kid when it's convenient for them. They see him as a child! But they're just as quick to throw him under the bus of adulthood as soon as that's convenient for them. Whatever requires the least effort from them, that's what they want him to be.

Seriously, who the hell is taking care of this kid? Because at this point it sure seems like the Old Monkey King - who is very old and very tired and whose body is blatantly failing him - is stuck not only trying to keep his troop in something vaguely resembling working order and secure them as much as possible for his imminent death no one but him seems concerned with, but is also somehow expected to be the primary (if not sole) caregiver of a young child. Something he can't be. Like, geez, guys. Let the man wither away in peace without piling on him more fraying threads of the things he can't possibly tie up properly before he goes, thanks!

Not to mention how this would blatantly conflict with the Old Monkey King's need to have a successor as soon as possible, since the most eligible adults in his troop are, apparently, all lazy cowards who are entirely unsuitable. He brings it up like two or three times in the first episode alone, so this is clearly something that's stressing him out, and his best option is still a boy. Meaning Old Monkey King is in a position of having to desperately (but trying not to show that he's desperate) push Six Ears to grow up just a little faster because he doesn't know how much longer he has left. There's just not a lot of room for him to just let Six Ears be a kid, in those circumstances. He needs a king. He needs Six Ears to make decisions and lead and take risks, even if the ones he's taking are far beyond the sort of things that should be on a kid's shoulders. He can't be his mentor and his grandfather and his king. No one person can be all three of those. Something is going to give. And so the Old Monkey King makes his mistakes. He piles too much on Six Ears too soon. He expects too much of him too soon. He nearly gets Six Ears killed in the first episode. (He accidentally leaves Six Ears vulnerable in the future to adults who want to use him.)

It's a fascinating little set-up. Obviously not really addressed in the show, since it's for kids and framed from a kid's perspective, which is also sort of genius? I'm thinking of the second episode where the generals are more than willing to dump Six Ears on the sacrificial alter, even physically carrying him out the door, an adult on each arm, like he might wise up and get scared and run (and if he did, like they wouldn't let him), and all Six Ears does is laugh. He's a kid. We've all been kids who think some of the most messed up things are perfectly normal simply because you don't have anything to compare it to. This is just the generals being the generals, obviously. They're so silly :)

But adults were writing this show, and I can't imagine an adult writing this not knowing exactly what they were doing. Especially knowing what happens to Six Ears.

Anyway, long story short: I want to fight the generals with my bare hands. I do not want to fight the Old Monkey King with my bare hands, but I do want to give him a long, disappointed glare over his cups that I feel like he would understand perfectly.

Also, someone needs to wrap Six Ears up in a burrito blanket and stuff him in a pillow fort with Stone Monkey where nothing can hurt them. That would be nice.

#images under cut #mhw09 personal #if this had a structure it went out the window real fast it's just me yelling about things at some point #okay look I guess I just had a lot to say after just two episodes. that's what blogs are for. (right? right. right.)#not even getting INTO how they talk about Stone Monkey #okay actually let's just not allow these guys around young teens at all. they can't be trusted.#you know what old monkey king how about you just point at one of the random background NPC monkeys we see hanging around and make THEM #your successor?#come on now #you're desperate and it's gotta be better than the literal child you are lovingly handcrafting SEVERAL major complexes for as we speak #and while we're on this topic how about you point to four random ones and make them your new Generals!#I mean sure the fact Ma Beng Liu and Ba are the Marshals/Generals probably means the others are somehow LESS competent or able #(maybe a cultivation level thing?)#but come on #actually I'm wondering if the Generals' lack of care for Six Ears comes from a similar place as their #fear and aversion to Stone Monkey #Six Ears is pretty blatantly noooot really a monkey “like them” either?#so wherever he came from I wonder if they had just as strong objections about HIM at some point #obviously they'd be mostly over them by now but...I dunno man #I wonder if they think of him less as a monkey kid and more as their king's weird alien pet project #oh! almost forgot! episode 2! the fact they off-handedly say they'll at least be hiding nearby in case Six Ears needs help #but uh...a whole-ass imp attacks him and they are nowhere to be found. Surprise surprise.#ugh they're the worst #they better get kicked into shape and grow better as people or they better get buried istg #that's a bit extreme #I mean it though #or at least replaced all right we'll go with 'get better or get kicked'

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surreal-duck · 1 year

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messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

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squirmydonnie · 4 months

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TW: su!cide, death, unreality (again)

I did something very weird.

But I don't feel bad about it. And I don't know if I should.

I could verbalize it. But that would be a bad idea.

I want to say all of it was. But I'm not sure.

If anyone questions it I already have an idea of what to say. But what I can say doesn't make a lot of sense. And it would raise questions.

So I should think of a few other things.

I don't know.

I feel a lot of anxiety still. But I don't feel like I need to do bad things to myself anymore.

So while I definitely diffused the situation, I don't think I did anything productive.

I probably did something that won't work out in the future.

Not that I won't make me feel better. But it won't be sustainable.

I can't just "do this next time!"- because its not. That kind of thing.

I can't just do this at all really. I shouldn't.

I thought I would feel disgusting but I didn't.

All my other normal efforts did not work.

I wish that they did. But they didn't.

I know why.

I don't need coping mechanisms anymore. I've already done that. And failed. I need real people beside me.

I tried to give myself a better childhood. I tried really hard. I tried to enjoy it.

But everytime it blew up in my face.

So I gave up and moved on to imaginary efforts.

That was until they mostly became un-imaginary and started to hurt me mentally.

But before all that, it was fine.

I had no reason to suspect it wasn't. I was re-parenting myself, making new friends, enjoying life, becoming comfortable with myself. Except. None of this was real.

Part of me knew this. That's why none of these things made me guilty in the first place.

That was until I realized what I had made cookie12 spawn from.

Which was my own death.

Which sounds really bad, but it wasn't involved as much. It was just the catalist for any of the experiences to be made.

And they were great experiences. All caused by my decision to let go of things and become my own person. Whether realizing it or not. Though none of this was real in the first place.

Thinking that you already died isn't exactly I great way to live your life. Which is why I quit all cookie 12 daydreaming.

you can do all that without dying. I doesn't have to be this way. I knew that. But it was too scary.

Despite how nice their life was. It wasn't real life. It was all fake. I still accomplished things under daydreaming but. Most things didn't feel good. That was, unless I was daydreaming.

And they guilt i carried didn't help.

But in quitting I was now alone.

I'm still trying to figure how to deal with that.

While I still valued others, it all felt like I was just going through the motions.

Expecting one day they would all leave me and cut me off.

Until eventually I live in this house with terrible conditions and i daydream all day.

But for me this was a fantasy.

I think slightly more of myself now.

Theres no more daydreaming in my future I hope. And I think I want an okay house. And I think maybe I want to make sure I keep more hoarding in check. And I am not like my Aunt.

I sure do love her a lot, but I don't think she deserves to live like that.

And I'm trying really hard to not believe that myself. Though the truth is, I don't believe I'm deserving of anything. And I don't want anything.

My asks are so small.

And they shouldn't be. But I'm too scared to ask for the things I like.

Anyway.

I did something similar to what I did in 7th grade.

I had put the in my backpack. And then

Well I actually don't remember the rest.

Put cran-grape juice on the floor on purpose. Told my dad it was an accident and had him clean it.

Surprisingly the floor is not stained?

I left the In the backpack for weeks. That's disgusting.

I don't blame myself for it or anything. But it is.

#cheeseburgerboy #i don't like that ive gotten okay at lying. it really upsets me a lot because i actually hate it #i don't like doing that #cookie12 #monday was really bad.#it was just like when i begged for mama. except i didn't. i just forced myself to cry in my room. in the dark #because??#i should be in the dark when im sad???#i don't fully understand why i do that.#but im still looking for answers.#its kind of my thing #if i ever get to laughing like this again. throw me away #laughing isn't bad though. my brain is trying really hard to make me happy. but it always does it in a weird way.#ive noticed that. and i think its a little funny #even though it sucks. its like #stupid. ridiculous #how would thinking i died help me. silly #silly me!#anytime its just me by myself it gets weird. like if im helping myself i always do it wrong.#i gets funny after a while.#not very funny. just funny.

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