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supergigabigboybabechad · 8 months

Note

likes: Animals (cats and dogs especially seem to like me a lot more than the average person), gaming, anime, cooking, food, rock music, goth/punk/edgy/alternative/emo subculture, makeup and skincare (I like to feel pretty lmao), school, taking pictures

dislikes: bitter food, spicy food,school

hobbies: Acting (#1 hobby!), writing, ig I’ll put studying here since i was a honour student.

physical preferences: none

personality preferences: someone willing to protect me (I’ve been stared by creepy old men for 2 days in a row) and someone not too energetic and bubbly, anyone who is not Ace or Floyd, someone who can comfort me as I’m a generally anxious and insecure person

love languages: physical touch and quality time

extras: I’m an infj, would be in Diasomnia dorm, my personality would be I tend to come off as reserved, intimidating and cold due to my trust issues from being stabbed in the back by someone I trusted at first impressions but as I warm up to someone/they gain my trust I can be warm, caring, loyal, affectionate, and protective

Soooo i couldnt pick just one :( Too many ideas! I guess youre getting four charecters 😔 im not that indecisive though they are in order from who i feel would be less compatible to the most! For a big reveal vibe

4. Azul Ashengrotto

Youre giving him the cold shoulder? He doesnt gaf..

An honors student an actor and a beauty, hes so intrigued!

His intentions are likely less than pure but anyone with one working eye can see that

“Let’s make a deal!” Hes probably offering you fame for your acting but we both know youre not falling for that.

The more you ignore him the more hell bother you it becomes some form of personal challenge for him

Hes upping the charm and throwing in all the bells and whistles this isnt about his contract anymore its about his ability as a business man!

Eventually youll tell him to knock it off and that you know you cant trust him

Hell feign hurt but beep down you just charmed him.

So strong and so smart he already knew he wanted you in his corner but now he finds himself wanting you more.

As a buisness man azul is good at reading people, it comes with the territory so he knows how you see him and hes determined to change it

Hed follow you around trying to market himself as an outgoing and upstanding person did you drop something? Hes got it, dont stress! Need notes? Come to him! Free of charge!

It doesnt work.. that is until he finds you in an insecure state or anxious state.

Maybe its before your first role in twisted wonderland where you dont know anyone.

Its so prestigious here! Anyone would be nervous.

He takes this opportunity to comfort you. Once you tell him about your insecurity and anxiety he immediately knows what to say

In that moment you dont see him as some capitalist. For the first time you see him vulnerable, you see him on a level where you can relate to him

You can feel in his voice and the way he speaks to comfort you that hes felt it too, he knows what its like

Even you know being vulnerable isnt something azul does willy nilly so it gets you thinking, maybe you can trust him.

While talking to him you might name drop or tell him about your experience with creeps

Hell protect you but hell definetly hide it from you he doesnt want you seeing his ugly side

Hell be keeping an eye on you and if anyone oversteps in anyway hell be after them

Hes a powerful man, he could send the twins after them or if theyre really hurting you he’ll bring them in for a “word”

As for comforting you, he always knows what to say but hell also have episodes

Sometimes hell wonder how he landed you, so beautiful, smart and talented what if you wake up one day and realize youre too good for him?

Youre going to have to do some comforting too, hold him and tell him you love him, its all hell need.

Azul would be scared to touch you first, hes a gentleman! He cant just grab you! No matter how badly he wants to, he doesnt know how to go about reaching for your hand

Youve gotta make the first move, walking side by side notice how his fingers twitch towards your hand, go for it! Hold his hand!

Hell be shocked, bamboozled, pushing his glasses up and trying to hide his blush but you can still see a light pink on his ears.

From now on whenever he holds your hands hell take his gloves off before intertwining your fingers

His probably still to shy to go forward but if you grab him for a hug hell be sooo happy

He doesnt have much time to spen with you but hell always welcome you to sit beside hin while hes working, hell let you on his lap too if you want but youll have to ask and go through a but of his awkward aftershock

When he does time off hell spend it with you. Hell spare no expense! Spoiling you with fancy dinners and gifts

He works so hard though hell need a break, lie together and hold him or just watching anime together will help him let off steam.

3. Malleus Draconia

Malleus is a really toned down guy who’s willing to go with the flow he wont be too much for you to handle

Upon meeting you and being faced with your colder aura, cant say he’s really phased. With silver coming off in a similar way you wont deter him.

His generally frightening and strong air might not leave you wanting to open up but he probs wont notice and come back to you anyways

Coming back to you over and over again he’ll get more and more friendly. The imposing air around him starts to clear and you start seeing him as sort of an oddball

Hes so intimidating yet so tame maybe you can trust him?

Hes lonely. He doesnt realize it but he is so hes always coming to you he wants to spend all his free time with you just to have you there so he wont be lonely. This feeling is so foreign to him but its like a weight has been lifted from his chest

Itll make him even happier if youre the one initiating quality time. It makes him feel like hes wanted

Physical touch too!

He could be lost in thought worried about you one day finding yourself afraid of him only to be met with you holding him having all his worries vanish

Showing you being vulnerable around him is the highest amount of trust he feels he could have gained

Sleeping with him hell probably hold you while hes still awake thinking about the difference between when you first met and now

You were so closed off, you’d hardly ever respond to him but now look, he always has you by his side, your so warm and kind to him, you trust him enough to be completely helpless around him leaving him to protect you in your vulnerable state.

Speaking of protecting, walking with malleus no one will dare look at you funny let alone disrespect you

God forbid anyone harass you, youll need to phone lilia to calm him down

After that though hell turn his attention back to you and make sure youre alright. Hell insist on carrying you even if you swear you’re fine “Humans are fragile we cant be too careful”

Honestly 1) he just wants to hold you and 2) he knows about your anxiety and needs to make sure you’re okay you could say hes doing it more for his peace of mind than his for yours

Having anxiety or just feeling really insecure? Hell cancel everything hell make someone else do it if he has to

Hes overly cautious of you because your human

Hell hold you on his lap and let you talk if thats what you need otherwise hell just hold you close to your chest and let you breathe, drawing circles in your back, humming and playing with your hair he wants you to focus on him, you and him are all that matter right now and your all that matter to him.

He really appreciates that you can cook, he wants you to cook for him so you can yk, save him!

“Im sorry lilia but Haru has already prepared a meal for me”

Hes scared of change. Taking pictures will eaze him. Take pictures with him and let him have a few and youll find that hes placed them on a board near his bed.

Hell but his favorite in a locket that hell keep with him all the time. He doesnt want to think about a time where hes without you but he knows it will have to come.

Taking all these pictures is so important to him. He needs these traces of you for when youre gone

Acting!! Hell come to all your shows and be so proud! “That’s my Haru, a star aren’t they lilia?”

Hed be so dazed by you hell probably miss the entire play except for the parts youre in.

2. Vil Schönheit (ig were sharing😒)

Vil gives off the same vibes as you at first

Hes cold and hardened on the outside but he cares deep down and that becomes more evident as you get to know him

Vil might not pay much attention at first, hes too busy and the could and distant air around you detrers him a bit, he doesnt see anything he can improve your already beautiful so he leaves you alone

That is until he sees you onstage one day.

As part of film club and an actor himself seeing you on stage, your acting and presence are amazing

Film acting is what vil does most and as a professional knows how different it is from the stage.

He cant help but be impressed in your performance and from then on you just seemed to sort of stand out to him

Hell start noticing things, how smart you are how caring and soft to your close friends you are. How beautiful you manage to be with so little effort

Wait- youre so kind to your friends what is it that they have that he doesn’t? Shouldnt you be charmed by him?

Well either way he comes to talk to you about your performance and how he thinks youd make an amazing addition to film club!

Vil would love to act with you! He does film acting most of the time so hell teach you about that and you can show him a thing or two about stage acting!

Hell love your writing, hell encourage you to publish or even to be a play write!

Maybe you should even start a production company together

He believes in you and wants to star with you and is willing to support you all the way

As a celebrity, vil values his privacy, dating is hard with your insecurities he understands if yoh dont want him to announce your relationship and will do his best to keep it private

On the other hand he has no issue going punlic with your relationship. He knows that people online can be cruel and hell do whatever he can to keep that from you

If youre feeling insecure, he cant have that, WAKE UP!

Youre dating THE Vil Schönheit not only is he beautiful but hes also selective! Hello??? Youre absolutely gorgeous and he wont have you feeling otherwise

Hell hold you, tell you your beautiful and if it helps you, hell give you a self care day together

Face masks painting your nails and doing hair!

Also if you wanna do more makeup all you have to do is ask! Vil will most definitely help you out

Hes well versed! Whatever style you like! (My personal fav is douyin!)

With an eye for style, if youre not too sure on what you want im sure hes already cooked up the perfect look for you

SKINCARE VIL IS SO HAPPY hell sing your praises and go off about how happy he is that someone values their skin as they should!

Hell give you personalized products too!

A photographer x model trope too? SO CUTE(me projecting my want for a photographer partner) BUT LIKE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE THOUGH⁉️⁉️

Vil sewing makes so much sense and after hes finished with a project hell wanna model it for magicam!

Taking photos on his own is fine but we know vil, he wants spectacular!

He trusts your artistic vision and would love having you take his photo hell come out looking beautiful and he sees it as the outcome of your combined efforts

Vil is so protective he would not let anyone harass you!

In that moment he doesnt care about his name all he carrs for is your safety and well being.

Online or in person he wont hesitate to go all in on them protectively putting himself in between you and your harasser

Quality time would definitely come in your selfcare routines together and picking outfits!

Hes pulling all the stops picking your outfits finding your color-palette

So obviously his gonna spoil you with all this makeup skin care and clothing hell have you feeling absolutely gorgeous like you’re the only person he sees!

Youre so beautiful he cant help but want to accentuate that

1. Deuce Spade

Upon first meeting you his a little intimidated by how closed off you are, but he cant help but admire you!

An honors student whos so straight and narrow! Hes gonna try to befriend you right away! Youre the exact type of person he needs to surround himself more with

Deuce is a good boy so im sure youll find yourself opening yourself up to him more and more

Once you let him in on your trust issues he feels a twinge of guilt, youve been nothing but upfront and honest to him and hes been hiding a secret since youve first met! Would you still think of him the same if you knew???

He wouldnt be able to hide it very well and upon asking him whats wrong he blurts out his past and starts apologizing for not telling you sooner

He says he understands if you would like your distance and that he shouldnt have hid something so big from you

After letting him know that youre fine with it and it wasnt that big of a deal hell be so overcome with joy!

Youre so loyal! So kind! Hes so relieved he grabs your hand to enthusiastically thank you without thinking

Before he realizes what hes done he gets a look at how cute your shocked face looks and he immediately apologizes backing away and going back to sitting awkwardly

From that day he’d be noticeably more awkward around you but who could blame him? Your so sweet!

Deuce games a bit himself, he loves you so much introduce him to the games you play the most and hell pick them up just to spend time with you

His mom raised him right so hell plan dates for you and take a lot of initiative to make sure he’s treating you with all the love you deserve

He wont touch you without permission. He knows better! Hell either have to work up the courage to hold your hand or your just gonna have to go in

He gets really worked up at times and forgets though

After his win in a track meet hell celebrate and right to you and lift you up in his arms without thinking.

Hell apologize after but as time goes on hell get more comfortable, he just wants to make sure he’s doing things right

Hell do the same after a play! You did such a great job and you look so beautiful in your costume he rushes over to tell you how amazing you were and give you flowers

Hell bring his mom to see you act too shell love you, how could she not!

Deuce is very capable in protecting you and most definitely will, i dont think i need to explain that one

The first time he does though its just like he snaps, hes so mad, more mad than youve ever seen him

After whats done is done hell apologize for acting without your permission and say things like “Im sorry, you shouldnt have seen that!”

On his hands and knees bro dont leave him!

The next time something happens hell tell you to leave because he doesnt want you seeing but he cant just let them get away with creeping on you!

Deuce might not have a way with words but he tries, so when youre feeling down about yourself or anxious hell take you for a ride

It makes sense that hed only have one helmet so assuming that you dont have one hell insist you wear his along with his hacket so you do t get hurt and make you promise to hold on tight to him

Hell take you to his secret spot and sot you down and let you let it all out “Im sorry, I didnt know what to say so i just thought id help you run away for a bit” hell listen to you for sure

Hes a bit of a romantic so i see him smiling as he watches you get ready in the morning, watching you put on mascara as he makes the eyes at you

If you turn to face him hell look away though that wont change

He loves how gentle you are sometimes it makes him feel that youre delicate, like if hes too rough hell break you and you might run away

Hes so sweet if you give him pictures you take of him hell buy a book to keep them in and label each one

Hell ask for advice studying too! Youre so smart, honors isnt easy to get in any way, dont forget that

With you in his life he really feels like hes becoming better, like someone his mom can be proud of and someone worthier of you each day that passes

——————————————-

I just wrote a bunch in the notes app and ordered them in what i thought was the cutest order, lemme know which one you liked the best too! Hope you like it❤️

#malleus draconia x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #vil x reader #twst matchups #twst matchup #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland matchup #deuce spade #deuce x reader #deuce spade x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader

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quodekash · 8 months

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PART 2 OF DANGEROUS ROMANCE EP4 COMMENTARY BC I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND RAN OUT OF SCREENSHOTS

because of them, im now gonna start sobbing every time someone throws a peace sign at me

HELL YES

IM SO PROUD OF MY BOY

YUOU DID SO GOOD KANG

I KNEW YPU COULD DO IT

AIUOGHKJERPODHFKN

NOOOOOOO

FRICK

my boy is having many thoughts. none of them good.

I can hear his crisis and him blaming himself because now he thinks it's his fault that sailom's gonna get beat up, and he's sad for himself that he doesn't have a reason to spend time with sailom anymore, and now his grandma's gonna be disappointed in him for failing something, and there's definitely some thoughts in the mix there about his dad and the bike he bought him and kang is so certain he doesn't deserve the bike, I could go on but I wont because I would like to finish this episode before the sun rises and currently that doesnt seem all too likely

well DUH

YOU COULD SEE IT FROM MARS (and now im thinking about soundwin. frick.)

tell him

tellllll himmmmmm

tell him he lent the umbrella to youuuuu

and you've treasured it forever perhaps?

OMG HE'S TELLING HIM???

DUDE THEYRE ACTUALLY LISTENING TO ME SO MUCH THIS EPISODE THIS IS SO RARE

chances are either the bus or Kang's car is gonna show up before he'll get it out, bUT ONCE AGAIN, LET ME BASK IN THIS RARE MOMENT OF GLORY AND POWER

BOOM

CALLED IT

I know it's super cliche and everyone probably saw that coming but I dont care, im gonna let myself feel almighty powerful

I just. I will never understand why they dont just like quickly tell the person before leaving. or like yell at him while getting on the bus. OR EVEN text him while on the bus, immediately after getting on. that's what id do, cos if I dont tell them right then and there, I guarantee you I will forget to ever tell them, and then it'll keep me up at night for ages but never at a moment where I actually think about telling them, and then three or four years later ill finally tell them and it'll be so insignificant by then but it doesnt matter because I FINALLY TOLD THEM THE THING

I really hope he remembers to give at least one of those umbrellas back to kang

mans is not waterproof, he needs an umbrella

respect for auto just went down down prices are down

crypto? seriously honey?

IT'S SO CHEESY

IT'S SO CLICHE

AND IM CRYING ABOUT IT BECAUSE SOMEHOW I BOTH IRONICALLY AND UNIRONICALLY LOVE CHEESY AND CLICHE MOMENTS WITH ALL MY FRIKIN SOUL

SPORTS

I hate sports days so much

thankfully id always be allowed to just not go to school instead of being forced to participate in athletics and swimming carnivals and cross country and stuff, and I will be forever grateful to my parents for that

they're in love btw

just in case anyone forgot

I didn't forget

I can't forget about them

my brain wont allow it

IT'S JUST

ITS JUST SO SWEET

I THINK IM GOING INSANE, THEY HATE EACH OTHER AND WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER SO BADLY THAT IT'S LITERALLY ROMANTIC

THIS IS PINING

HE IS PINING

PL E A SE CAN THEY KISS

NAWA'S HEAD TILT????? LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY ABOUT TO KISS IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU

two things to say here

one: view, please marry me

two: kang and sailom definitely have the same responsibilities

just KISS

I can't deal with the longing stares anymore

im like 80% certain they wont kiss this episode but I so badly want them to

NOOOO THEYRE NOT IN THE SAME GROUP THINGY

....but (hehe butt)

...maybe

...perhaps

I think kang might pull some strings to end up in the same department as sailom? maybe??

IM DYING, THERE'S A MARC AND A PAVIN (which sounded like pawin)

THEY GAVE UP THINKING OF NAMES FOR THE RANDOM CLASSMATES

ooooo he is listening to their conversationnnnnn

AND THEYRE GONNA INTERACT IN A FRIKIN BATHROOM??? I SWEAR, EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW IS SOUNDWIN CODED, IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU

5ER6CYVTGUOBHIOVTRC6DE5S4E57RCVYUBHUVTRDS3GTFD46F7GY8H

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

THEYRE JUST SO

HE'S SO GOUERGJND

LMAO YOU IDIOT

(we're getting so many cheesy cliches right after each other and I am so here for it, I love this so much)

now kiss

OH THIS IS THIS PART???? DAMN

he needs money to pay off his debts, so... he's gonna take a job offer from the guy he pays his debts to? feels kinda pointless, right?

also in this series, pepper reminds me of tor, specifically in midnight museum, so part of my mind thinks hes gonna offer him a job at the museum

LMAO

'MYNAME6969'

I WANT TO KNOW WHO PUT THAT IN THERE AND GIVE THEM A HIGH FIVE BECAUSE THATS FRIKIN HILARIOUS, WHOEVER SNUCK THAT IN THERE

IM DYING I LOVE THAT SO MUCH

as someone who sprained an ankle a little over a month ago, I have some points to make

namely: saifah is right. the first 72 hours are the most important, as long as you're resting it, keeping it elevated, icing it, compressing it, you'll be all good to walk on it in no time. after that, you need to make sure you're still taking care of it, like by wearing a compression sock all the time, and not walking on it too much if it starts hurting, stuff like that. that's the part I didnt do. I took care of it for three days, then kept walking on it like nothing happened, and it's still really painful sometimes, it never properly healed, but like it's fine im surviving

OH I DO NOT LIKE THIS, I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL

HE'S SO OLD

ICKY I FEEL ICKY

there's nothing wrong with the work he's doing, it's just the fact that he's still a kid and thats a 50 year old man

on another note, I ran out of bloody images AGAIN

AND ON ANOTHER NOTE, ITS NEARLY 2AM. IVE BEEN WATCHING FOR NEARLY 2 AND A HALF HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN THREE QUARTERS THROUGH THE EPISODE, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME

#quodekash disregards sleep because of dangerous romance #dangerous romance #dangerous romance series #dangerous romance the series #perthchimon #chimonperth #kanghansailom #kangsailom #sailomkang #sailomkanghan #perth tanapon #chimon wachirawit #marcpawin #pawinmark #nawaguy #guynawa #marc pahun #pawin kulkaranyawich #win pawin

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thedawningofthehour · 9 months

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thinking abt this because of the thing that im writing right now (im almost done with it holy shit)

the fact that donnies name gets changed once hes hypnotised is so important to me. names in general are something incredibly important to me for so many reasons. names represent identity, names represent the person who uses them. even if they are sounds we use to get each others attention, in a lot of ways, names are the summary of who we are. as a trans person, names gain even more significance to me even with that in mind.

when donnie get hypnotised and all his memories get removed, and his perception of himself and who he is gets so fundamentally changed that he simply isnt donatello anymore, he gets a new name. he is a new person, he is galois now. the name galois represents this new set of values, new identity, new perception of himself that he has. donatello is simply a different person, nevermind all the similarities between donnie and galois, nevermind the fact that theyre technically the same person. theyre different identities.

galois has a new set of formative memories. even if theyre altered versions of donnies memories. memories are the reason why we are who we are right now. if not for our memories and experiences, were nothing, no one (can you tell that im a strong proponent of the nurture side of nature vs nurture). and all of galois memories? theyre different from donnies. this fundamentally makes him a different person.

then theres the fact that donnies family refuses to call galois galois. galois used to be donnie, yes. but in some ways, donnies dead right now. maybe hell come back, if galois unlocks those memories (which he prolly will, its the only TRULY interesting thing, narrative-wise, no matter how much i thirst for a bad ending), but hes as good as fucking dead right now.

and yet donnies family doesnt acknowledge this. to them, galois is donnie, so theres no point in referring to him by the name that represents him. its an act of defiance. the name galois also represents the fact that draxum killed donnie and replaced him with a new identity. from their perspective, it doesnt matter if 'galois' doesnt remember being donnie! hes still donnie!

yes i do have the advantage of having seen galois perspective of all this, which does change my perspective on all this. because they dont know that galois barely know who this 'donatello' even is!

im gonna stop rambling here cause im just gonna start going in circles, but. galois having a different name is so fucking important to me. yes it happens in a lot of other similar fics to doth, but. i dont know, its just somehow different here, more Important. probably the fact that galois doesnt even have a notion that he was ever anyone BUT galois.

(keep in mind that this is all written from the perspective of someone who rly rly wants galois to stay with draxum because 1. plot, 2. i have no reasoning, i just like 'bad' endings lmao. i rly do treat galois as a different person from donnie because he is, to me at least)

(also i hope this isnt incoherent, i am very sleep deprive right now)

People have made parallels from Galois to 2012 Karai, and I feel like that applies here. Because it always really rubbed me wrong that Splinter kept calling her Miwa. That wasn't her name; she was not Miwa anymore. She'd been Karai her entire life and clearly felt more comfortable using that name. Yet Splinter just kept calling her by the name of his dead baby daughter, like he expected her to just jump back into that role. (I apologize if he does start calling her Karai later on, it's been a while since I watched the whole show through, but I don't remember him doing so)

And that just feeds into all the bullshit Karai feels about her identity after the truth comes out. She's quick to renounce Saki as her father, but is hesitant to embrace Splinter as such. She never moves in with the fam, despite still being a minor and there definitely being room for her there, since April lived with them for a while. And still, she claims herself as Saki's heir, taking over the Foot for herself after the Shredder is dead. She has a lot of complicated feelings about her past and her own identity, and Splinter calling her Miwa right off the bat must have been salt in the wound. The decision to go back to her birth name, to trade Oroku for Hamato, that should have been her decision, to be made whenever she damn well felt like it. It was not for Splinter to tell her who she is.

I don't want to spoil things too much, but a lot of that's going to come into play in Book 4. Donnie is going to have to come to grips with that fact that he is not Galois, Galois never really existed, but at the same time he's not really Donnie anymore. And he'll have to come to terms with who he is now and the roles both Donnie and Galois played in that.

I decided pretty early on that I wanted Draxumized Donnie to have a real name many of the above reasons. I didn't want to use 'Three' or 'Purple,' or just leave him without a name like some separated aus do. Slushie outlined it pretty well in hers-a number is not a name. A number or color could be easily set aside for his return to Donatello, because they were never really names at all. They're just denominations. Everything he was under Draxum could be easily swept under the rug, because that wasn't really anybody. Just Draxum's brainwashed slave, without a character, without a name. And that wasn't what I wanted his time as Galois to be.

I will say that his memories didn't alter his personality as much as it would have if he'd actually lived it all. Donnie already had a fully-formed personality when he went into the Galois machine, Gale wasn't built up from ground zero. He still does and says things based on how Donnie would have acted, even if it wouldn't make all that much sense for Galois. His middle-childness, for example, he's a shithead little brother to Cass a lot despite Galois being an only child and having no frame of reference for having siblings. Sometimes his implanted memories and his personality cross each other, however, and leave him very confused for a bit, so those Donnie mannerisms are fading and being replaced by Galois.

(Honestly, I don't think there's a single way for a 'Gale stays with Draxum' ending to work at this point. Maybe back during the Table Arc, maybe if Draxum had let him up then and swore to change his ways, maybe if they talked a lot and Donnie was able to ease the fam into forgiving him, then maybe they could have had that father/son happily ever after. But the brainwashing was a point of no return, Draxum can't pull back now and his mission is doomed to fail. Any bad ending at this point would just result in their deaths)

Part of the fam's reaction is denial, Donnie can't be as 'gone' as he seems to be. They'll pop his memory back in and everything will go back to normal.

But the other part is that they still love him regardless of what he's calling himself. So he thinks he's the son of an evil scientist and bites them if they try to give him a hug, big whoop. He's still the same soul. He's still their son, their brother. He's still family.

And family means nobody gets left behind.

#doth asks

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deepseacityunderground · 4 months

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i did a pokeymon tierlist that took me three hours to do ;-;

i put it and explainations under a cut because its so big lmao. if you want it to not be blurry then open it seperately in desktop idk

lesbian tier: self explainatory (ill explain why i like them so much later)

my babies: good designs, sentimental, AND i like fighting with them

sentimental tier: various favs across the years, theyre more individuals than species to me because of my memories with these guys.

i wish pokemon were real: for pokemon that make me say "i wish pokemon were real"

ebic: i like them lots and i like to have them on my team

the funny little creatures: i smile when i see them and i like them

intriguing: hmm there is something here... but i'm not quite getting it maybe?

not rlly interested: this one is self explainatory... if ur fav is here im sorry :( im sure these guys are cool i just dont rlly think about them ever

fucked up: i dont like seeing them they make me uncomfortable

scyther was my first partner in my first pokemon game :) it was diamond. i overtrained scyther way too much and he (because it was a boy scyther) would do that thing where he doesnt listen in battle so i build his entire moveset around it. he was lost when i transferred him to heartgold and then dropped heartgold in some water. rip scyther always in my heart

togekiss was my friend alongside scyther. she was the first pokemon i ever trained up to lv.100. she was also a victim of the heartgold incident. rip togekiss always in my heart.

absol was the only one from my initial gamebeating diamond team to survive the incident. she was transferred over to my copy of platinum and after i ended up losing diamond, remained there happily. i dont want to transfer her to bank or home because i think itd be like moving an old cat to a new house. i dont want to upset her at her old age. also absol's design fucks. emo fringe lynx. absol is what sparked my emotions about dark types. also i played pmd1 as a kid.

gengar is gengar. also i played pmd1 as a kid and read a copious amount of fanfic focused around pmd1 gengar (everyone go read pmd victory fire now it doesnt even matter that its on forever hiatus and ended with a cliffhanger go read it)

the tentacool variations are here purely out of sentimentality. when i was much younger, id let my little sister borrow my copies of the gen 4 pokemon games. she was really young and didnt really care about rpgs in general at the time, so shed always just explore and catch random pokemon instead of actually playing the games. one time, after i got the games back from her, i looked in my pc and saw like. two full boxes of tentacool and tentacruel that shed caught. and they've all got nose themed nicknames like "nosey" or "nosenose" and other stuff like that. so apparently she was surfing about and saw a tentacool for the first time and was just. obsessed with how they looked and thought they looked like big noses (with the red spots being like nostrils i think) and just decided to catch loads and loads of them because she liked them so much. so it became an inside joke between us. i dont really have much in common with my sister anymore and our relationship is pretty cold rn but pokemon is the one thing we still hold in common. and ill always associate tentacool with her.

we all know why grovyle is where he is. same with dusknoir. theyre also good designs.

i really dont like enamourus because its fucked up how they designed three big buff genie men and then made one that was pink and skinny. awful. makes me angry. if they were buff theyd be one of my favs tho.

i really dont like the pla designs for dialga and palkia... theyve already both got very busy designs and i think these forms are Too Busy. i really wanted to like them but well... i look at giratinas two forms and cry over what could have been.

i dont like the tumblr sexyman lizard.

a lot of pokemon are in higher tiers cus theyre based on animals i like... i like a lot of cat pokemon for this reason. also i like the litten line cus it fucks. and my litten in sumo was a female and i like the idea of big buff wrester catgirl :3 incineroar is a really good design and shes big and strong... whats not to love.

also, i generally like a lot of designs which other pokemon fans dislike... i especially love more humanoid/furry "feminine" designs like primarina, lilligant, gardevoir, lopunny, tsareena, etc etc... i really dislike how a lot of these designs are just seen as like sexygirl designs by the community... sadly porn will exist of everything but these pokemon are also creatures. theyre animals. they may look a bit like a girl but they are still magic animals. like one time in moon i had a whole team of grass girlies and it was just fun to hang out with my funny grass lady creatures.

i like giratina because theyre a big ass antimatter caterpillar. drawing giratina helped me draw antropomorphic caterpillars actually. i like their big ass legs.

all eeveelutions are CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the lunar duo are my ultimate fav pokemon forever as a team for a big mix of all the other reasons. partly its sentimentality, cus i really liked them as a kid and i would always chill on fullmoon island in my copy of platinum and just listen to the music, i also always tried to do the void glitch to get darkrai but i always fucked up and never quite saw her! (i couldnt do the event cus living in shitty rural region reasons) i also liked battling with them in oras :3 i think their designs are very well done. they remind me of the "swan" series by hilma af klimt specifically, which is a series i really liked on its own. i dont think that was intentional, but i was looking at the work about a year or so ago for an essay and i sorta realized how well the overall color palette of that series matches the pair and cresselia specifically, because shes based on a swan ofc. and ofc darkrai is also birdlike but in a more abstract way. she actually reminds me a bit of the skeletons of one of those really fucked up breed pigeons with the receeded necks and huge fantails and tiny beaks and weird spindly legs. i also really like how unabashedly edgy darkrai's design is... i feel a lot of nostalgia for edgy character designs from the mid 2000s which were edgy in a very un-selfaware way (another reason why i like absol specifically and also like. so many ghost and dark types) and as an angsty kid i always used to gravitate towards those designs lol. i also think its kinda romantic, the idea of a creature which kills others simply by being around them, a typhoid mary type creature, which isolates itself due to that, with its only friend also being the only creature that negates its negative affects. and also that creature killed a kid in america (fucked up). thats how i interpret their relationship. anyway ive been having lots of thoughts about them for like over 15 years.

this is unrelated but its kinda annoying when ppl use gendered pronouns for genderless pokemon... its not gonna ruin my days its just. funny lol (ignore that i have used she/her for darkrai throughout this entire comment... when i do it, its ok <3) one of the sad flaws of the pmd series imo bcus the mainline games dont do that at all.

in general i think my likes and dislikes are more dictated by character design/sentimentality as opposed to ability in battle or fanservice or competitive meta ... this is just part of being a longtime fan who doesnt rlly keep up with the community anymore methinks. im kinda beating myself up for not putting more complex thought into this buuut also i wanna be true to myself yknow... but then again this community sucks so i feel like im gonna be attacked for putting idk wingull too low or something lol

#please dont hate me if i put your fav low... this is just my personal opinion!#all creatures are wonderful in their own way <3 <3 <3

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alinktoana · 1 year

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new yakuza game, new reasons to be upset at rgg ✨

im not even gonna consider kiwami 1 or 2 bc i havent played them and i dont think they should matter to the point i want to make

but youre telling that guy

and this guy

are the same person?

did that coma erase kiryu's memories of majima or is this yokoyama talking out of his ass bc he doesnt see why majima should even exist?

at this point im blaming everything thats upsetting to me about yakuza on yokoyama lmao the guy has given us many great things but the direction rgg is going with kiryu is so weird. specially given theyre bringing him back basically for marketing purposes, it amazes me how *he* doesnt understand how majima is a marketing darling.

dont get me wrong, i dont mind majima not being on Y8. i *wish* kiryu wasnt there, bc it's time for ichiban&gang to shine. i love the idea of gaiden, ishin and other spin offs, so we can go on playing with kiryu in other bits of his story, and other characters, but *ive said it once and ill say it again, the torch has been passed on, kiryu has been saying goodbye on as many games as he's been in*. even though yokoyama has been there from the beginning, and rgg really didnt give us much interaction, Y3 gave us so much emotion and told us about their bond rather than showed (i mean, for the most part - again, i wouldve loved to have seem more, and im guessing that's what the kiwamis are for). and now you're telling me Y6 kiryu doesnt understand him. wow. date talks about understanding kiryu bc theyve known each other for ages. and kiryu doesnt *get* majima. sure. one of the things that really stuck to me playing ps2 Y1 is that kiryu and majima really are batman and joker, and it's baffling good how they actually got mark hamill to voice majima. and im not here for batman at all, but it's the trope. it's hamilton and burr, it's edward teach and izzy hands (lol), heck, it's jesus and judas (not all my musical theater references showing lol hey taika 😉) . it's not about villany or anything, it's about them being equal power houses on their town, it's about ying and yang, it's even reminiscent of nishiki and kiryu. and i got that just by playing the games. so if the person writing them doesnt see it, that's concernin lol whats good? lmao whats even real? the gaslighting yokoyama lmao

sometimes i forget why i say Y3 is my favorite but that kind of thing reminds me why.

also bless ugaki, a character he's played for years being dissed by his own creator to his face and he's smiling. never change ugaki, never change. (btw credit to the awesome people who uploaded the game footage on yt) also bless ugaki, a character he's played for years being dissed by his own creator to his face and he's smiling. never change ugaki, never change. (btw credit to the awesome people who uploaded the game footage on yt) edit: yeah i didnt bother looking at credits but apparently yokoyama was pretty hands off on Y6, im just being blindly biased :v i should stop lmao *but my concerns about rgg's direction with kiryu remain, regardless who is actually penned anything*

#yakuza 6 #rgg #kiryu kazuma #majima goro #venting #yokoyamapls #i miss nagoshi so much #yakuza 3 #yakuza meta

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transfemlogan · 6 months

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Texting Headcanons

Patton: using emojis 24/7. Literally every text will have some sort of emoji, even if it doesn't fit the original message. Texts like a dad & a mom combined. Uses grammar occassionally. Usually types in all caps, because he doesn't know how to turn them off. Sends the laughing emoji when he laughs at something. Prefers talking in person if he can.

"HEY, KIDDOS 👋 YOUR HAPPY-PAPPY PATTON LOVES YA ALL! 🥰💙😻"

Roman: uses emojis occassionally. Types in caps when he's excited. Uses capital letters when necessary and never any time else. Shorten words and uses popular acronyms. Says "ROLF" and "LMAO" when he laughs at texts. Uses the sparkle emoji constantly. Loves to facetime. Double texts like CRAZY

"Helloooo~ ✨️✨️ romans here!! A REMINDER for all of u 2 tell me what u thought of the script ASAP bcus thomas NEEEDDS it by tmrw!!!!"

Virgil: shorten every word ever even if its not readable. Types in all lower case with 0 grammar. Sends 💀 or "lol" when he inhales through his nose at something. Keysmashes when he finds something really funny. Prefers to text above all else & will cry if you try to call him. Spelling mistakes all over the place. Hard 2 tell if something is supoosed to be an acronym or if its a mistake?

"im not rding ur stpjd script roman also twll thomas not 2g2 that dumb party on sat or i swear 2 god ill bloqk all of u ok bye also hi pat"

Logan: proper grammar all of the time. Probably ends his messages with "sincerely, logan" (he knows theyre not letters or emails, but he can't help himself.) Says "that was funny" when he finds something funny (very rare). Prefers in person communication or calling, as he is usually busy working and can't text if he's using his hands. Doesn't use emojis ever & finds them so so stupid but will SOMETIMES use the heart emoji if he's comforting virgil or trying to be nice. Learns about tone indicators after virgil tells him & now he uses them all the time. Will start to let loose if he's comfortable around you. Looking at his msgs with virgil is almost like an entirely different person.

"Hello, all. I have read your script, Roman, and will be sending you my edits soon. I find it to be very long and wordy and full of mistakes. /neg You are lucky you have me to help you. Also, Virge, I'll try to get Thomas to not go to that party /srs, as he has many responsibilities that day, such as: cleaning his room, recording, and doing his laundry. Here is a link to my plan for next week. Please let me know if there's any complaints. Sincerely, Logan."

(Virgil: thnk u L . m not reading ur plsn ethr

Logan: Hi Virgil. That is alright. I'll just let you know next time we "hang out". Sincerely Logan.)

Janus: also texts all lower case & never uses commas but does use periods. Loves to use ":)" and "<3" (<- in a mean sarcastic way most of the time). Doesn't express laughter anytime anywhere. Prefers facetime or in person communication. Doesn't text often. Also doesn't respond often. Will leave you on read, he has other things to do. Uses tone indicators only if he is personally texting logan and no one else. Will sometimes not even respond to what you said in the first place.

"oh of course logan let's have thomas work all the time and never ever get any rest. sounds very healthy :). roman i read your script. hi patton".

(Roman: aand jan? What did u think??

Janus: Read 2:43 pm)

Remus: sends nudes in chat. And the most random gore vids he can find. Types in all caps willingly. Sends very strange emojis that dont match up with anything. Responds lightning quick but also ignores everything you say in order 2 send what he wants 2 talk abt so it doesnt even matter. Homestuck speak. Has never read homestuck.

"H3Y0 🦿🍒🛝😝 CHECK OUT TH12 PHOTO I JUST T00K RN. (Sends a dick pic)"

(Patton: 😨 REMUS, PLEASE DELETE. ❌️

Roman: THIS IS WHY WE NVR LET U IN GROUP CHATS !!!! I WISH I COULD WASH MY EYES OUT. 🤮

- Virgil has left the group chat -

Logan: Hello, Remus. That does not look very healthy. We should send you to a physician to get that checked out. Sincerely, Logan.

Janus: read 2:48 pm)

#revy.txt #sillies!#fam ily

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mahoushoujotechsupport · 9 months

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ok weeks later i am finally continuing my gwitch rewatch lolz. time for episode 12.... someone PLEASE tell tumblr to stop erasing my posts just as im about to hit post and not being able to undo it because i had the longest write up and now here i am.... rewriting again and trying to remember what i'd written. i'm gonna scream lmao

this part feels so awful now that the series is over and thinking back on ep 24. miorine just comes to, all to see the doors closed and hear suletta's screams and sophie's gunshots on the other side. no doubt in my mind this girl probably dealt with awful nightmares about suletta dying after quiet zero

i know prospera did use this as another XP level up for aerial, but jeez, imagine how much confidence she has in suletta and eri to be able to say something like this. like not just that suletta will go to aerial, but that together they can take on the attackers who at the time prospera didn't know shit about

lmao i dont think ive ever felt so confidently about something that id bet my whole life ln it

ad stella universe is crazy because i can only think the big liberatarian ancap society is some silicon valley fascist's wet dream because how else do you explain the business management girl knowing 1337 hacker skills

stupid asshole

sophie and norea are such tragic characters to me goddamn. like how often were they practicing their piloting to be able to be good enough to join on a mission like this? were they upping their permet score during practice too?

and why exactly is it them who pilot the lfriths instead of someone else from DoF? we never really get a clear answer on why it has to be the teenage girls when later on we see there's a ton of grown men around. i think given what else we know of ad stella, though, it doesn't matter much when we have asticassia as a school for the elite that basically serves for furthering earthian oppression be it by force (ie. see guel's original plans for joining dominicus) or just continuing to further the spoils of space capitalism

when you think of it that way, i don't see DoF any different than say palestinians fighting back against oppression from IDF forces. unless you're a racist fuck, you can't blame palestinian kids for throwing rocks at IDF soldiers, so i can't really blame norea and sophie for joining the fight

to quote fanon:

National liberation, national renaissance, the restoration of nationhood to the people, commonwealth: whatever may be the headings used or the new formulas introduced, decolonization is always a violent phenomenon.

- Frantz Fanon, "Concerning Violence," The Wretched of the Earth

i really do wish they hadn't just sidelined DoF entirely lol if you subscribe even a smidgen to anti-colonialism, its hard not to sympathize with them and shaddiq/grassley girls. and here theyre actually fighting for a just cause and are deserving of sympathy unlike 0079’s fakeout with zeon.

flipping the UC spacenoid/earth dichotomy so that earthians are the exploited class is just good shit when you consider what fuckers like musk want to do lol and its not as set in stone as exploitation only happens on earth either. mercury sounds like an abandoned appalachian mining town at this point with people lured out by jobs and then left to fend for themselves once permet was found elsewhere and their utility to the spacian capitalist class has run dry. and though i take this one with a grain of salt because we never get hard confirmation or denial, the elans were supposedly spacians (norea calls him a spacian even after finding out el5n’s not the real elan and he doesnt say one way or the other).

enough marxist ramblings, here's a cool shot of lfrith ur

whoever added this, i love them

as much as i don't trust bandai with sulemio unless they reverse the mess they've made for themselves.... i just want to fucking know more about notrette so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!

badass shot of lfrith thorn to go with the ur one earlier

snitch boy starts his snitch arc

the whole way guel killing vim plays out felt like it was gonna lead to something cool at the time... it makes me even more mad now knowing that it very likely is all an homage to zeta and kamille stealing the mk-ii and then later watching his mom die lol (ffs we even have the guel episode later on stealing its title from a zeta episode). guel's entire character just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth with everything thats happened recently

to think that 15 mins later she'd just be all ditzy over pancakeing a man after basically peeing her pants here

prospera shooting a gun at quiet zero >>> prospera shooting a gun at plant quetta

this show and this fucking pose, man lmao

AERIAL REBUILD is going to be stuck in my head all night because of this episode.... but look at how fucking cool she looks!!!

okouchi if this is a line you wrote, you, sir, are a troll... her face now is literally just :<

if you have the rebuild aerial and you don't have her posed like this, then what are you even doing?

i still feel like secelia and rouji for sure had no idea how powerful aerial's gund-bit gun was in episode 17. like norea is scared shitless here and tells sophie and olcott to get the fuck away. we have olcott telling us that even though it has school regulations on, it's strong as fuck

that said, i don't think guel was in mortal danger given that the school restrictions don't let them aim at cockpits or whatever, but it sure would've fucked up the darilbalde

oh this line hurts lol

i don't think i ever paused on this frame before lol i really hope peil hags master plan here wasn't just to have el5n get all rapey like he does later on. i mean, probably not and that was moreso el5n's desparate attempts to stay alive given he barely gets a chance to do anything before school shootings 1 and 2 bring everything to shit

comparing this frame versus suletta inside calibarn in ep 24 and suletta is still just a baby at this point in the show lmao she looks like a little teddy bear vs kakkoii ikemen suletta

paused on this frame and it honestly looks cool as hell lmao

and we made it to THE scene

you know, as i said in prior rewatch posts, i had been watching via GJM's fansubs at this point and was gonna wait for them to release their version of episode 12... however, that same suletta sunday i logged on to twitter and immediately got spoiled on this scene lmao so i needed to find out what the fuck happened and stopped waiting on fansubs (i did rewatch later on)

it really is such an amazingly well done scene though like goddamn lol

now that the show's over, i do kind of wonder if there could have been something other than this to become the spark of tension between suletta and miorine. with the exception of sophie (which arguably was more eri's victim than suletta's), suletta never kills anyone again in the show. her final fight ends up being against the gund nodes being commanded by eri lol so she just fights unmanned drones. it's an interesting decision considering the gundam franchise as a whole

i know it's meant to contrast against shaddiq's by any means necessary approach and prospera's willingness to do the same if someone tries to hinder her plans to help eri... but i really just can't get behind the whole violence is always bad no exceptions message behind the show. i do appreciate that shaddiq's plan basically still came to fruition and that it ends up being an in-world analogue to nationalization of industry. and it's really a cherry on top to have sabina call out whether that was for the best - not just that they nationalized industry but that nothing else was done to stop those who don't agree with what miorine did. history has given us countless examples of countries that nationalize various industries just for the united states military to come in and make some shit up and stage a coup and hand over said industry to whatever shithead capitalists were being piss babies about it at the time

lmao i know we're all mad about a lot of the yuri being left on the table because of bandai execs, but i wonder how much of the anti-capitalist message got left on there too. they really had a chance to make guel a real hero and he's just... not lol. episode 15 makes me mad not because it's a guel episode but because nothing ever actually came from DoF existing. like what was the point?

if they just wanted to humanize DoF a bit and introduce the kid that guel and kenanji run into later on, that could have taken half an episode given the insane pacing they chose to go by during the 2nd cour

regardless, i'll still savor little bits here and there

ok lmao i feel like my original post was way better than this and it took me double the time now to make this post but whatever. gonna try to get through some more eps this weekend

#g witch #rewatch time #g witch episode 12

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thewarnerbrothers · 1 year

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uncommon (?) hc time. upon rewatching some of the og series and reboot ive become fairly certain that the warners (even the youngest) are, in fact, inteded to be teens. in this bulleted list i will

no but really

when i was younger i used to think 'huh these kids act weird for their age sometimes. its like theyre not even really little kids.' as much as i coo over their cute shenanigans, i can't really see them as anything 12 or under?

the warners are all at least teens. here's why

[youtube countdown video intro music]

their ages are never actually explicity stated in canon

their heights are pretty much meaningless. the tiny toons cast are meant to be teens yet are often half or even a third the size of bugs bunny. he's also small for the record, like many other adult toons

playing child or childish roles on the in-universe show is similarly meaningless. older kids/teens are easier to direct than younger ones (though the warners are difficult at times lol)

they constantly break character and the fourth wall in ways that betray older sensibilities, taste, and knowledge

having pitched-up voices isn't an age-specific thing for toons

in the reboot their voices aren't even pitch-shifted, making them sound older

the teen-level potty humor and dirty jokes (do you remember being 13? i do. if you think some of the innuendos in animaniacs are bad, i can guarantee you real middle schoolers were/are far worse)

wakko drinking grog. his 'liquorice' [liquor-ish] problem. also stating he'd 'try anything once' (bet he enjoyed woodstock lol)

i think people mistake wakko's wackiness and earnesty for stupidity and youthful ignorance. fanon really flattens him to just being 'the dumb cute puppy' sometimes

i don't think a case really needs to be made for yakko. he's the archetypal teenage boy character in many ways

dot is just as bad as her brothers LMAO

the warners all flirt like teens

they've referenced going on 'serious' dates before

literally just watch the show. what 9-11 year olds consistently act like that lmao

this part of the series bible (which as a whole i don't consider entirely canon but the bible is obviously is the basis of the entire og series)

personally, i dont care what tom said in that podcast episode. i relistened to the part where he claims they're '9, 11, 14' or whatever and it sounded like he threw those numbers out on the spot LOL. the actual show gives an entirely different impression imo

not to mention its boring always being beholden to word of god

[as a sidenote, the hc that the warners are actually fully grown adults playing children is really fucking funny to me. imagine being a dwarf toon, sounding like chip and dale's chipmunk voices, and you run around the rest of your immortality getting away with murder because everything thinks you're a cute kid. like baby from WFRR but rubberhose. big 'woman who played a 9-year old in orphan first kill' energy too]

in the end it doesnt matter a ton to me? im still gonna play around with their ages in fic like always. this new teen hc mostly informed how i see wakko and dot now, because they start making a lot more sense in my head

ive also started taking a liking to the 'wakko and dot are twins' headcanon but that's for another post

#delete later probably #i actually dont know how popular this hc is #and i dont care cause its mine now #so if youre gonna be rude abt it i suggest u go somewhere lol

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edlinklover · 1 year

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today i had a dream that i was buying items at a student-led store near my college, and when i go to the hats section, i see a baseball cap with your art on it... fukase at the front, oliver to the right, and some other vocaloid to the left (must've been piko or flower), with a really corny inspirational quote in the brim embroidered in black cursive and some important words in red. here's my depiction

only difference is that the print of the vocaloids was a single illustration with more detail (still no background though, you could see the cap was white)

in any case, i was like, god that thing is kind of ugly i need it soooo bad . but while im asking the cashier why theyre selling this in the store (he said it was either bc you found it too ugly to sell officially or bc you were making a proper final version, probably without oliver,) somebody else bought the last cap left, leaving me empty handed. so i turn to the cashier again and i ask whos the student selling those, and he says "eddie munson"

in the dream i was like sure eddie munson. college dropout eddie munson. now that im awake i realize how nonsensical this is because first of all i really dont like stranger things, secondly, i didnt care much for that guy eddie, and finally, why does a dropout have a hat section in the student store maybe he was in my dream because you two are both eddies- but that doesnt matter, because man, i needed to contact him to get the cap!! so i reach out and text him through instagram and ask some questions and he claimed that you actually donated the cap to him to help him out, since his only source of income was the hats section at the student store. we agreed to meet up somewhere so i could get a cap but i woke up before it happened... tragic!

holy shit LMAO thanks for sharing that sounded like a Wild Ride, sorry Dream You couldn't get the cap F..........

#jesskasb #ask #eddie speaks #my favorite part is the assumption that Oliver wouldnt be there in the final product #bc u are correct #also as i was reading i didnt know eddie munson was a real person i just thought ur dream gave me a made up last name #so i was like : ( I'm not a college dropout #but u mentioned stranger things and i was like oh he must be an actor ig...#anyway everyone knows my real full name is Eddie Edlinklover

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petorahs · 11 months

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☀️ i am so sad, i heared that they wont include anything from fes or portable, so no femc, no answer or the like. I hate it here, why this disrespect to my girl Minako i will fight somebody at atlus HQ

oh. well i will say it straight (the only thing straight about me i fear lol) but thats likely not entirely true, ☀️ anon. idk if youve seen this post but it sums it up pretty well https://www.tumblr.com/petorahs/719925542729695232

and the full article published a while later:

bad ign reporting aside, i was also pretty upset at first since no femc and the answer! but then i saw a good point someone made about the femc case:

persona 3 reload has reportedly been in development for four years. and in that four years thats standard time to build a game from the ground up, maybe even too little – anyone who's been in game dev can tell us that. p3re doesnt reuse assets, too, it's completely from scratch. so having femc isnt simply a matter of model swap. they'd also have to program the UIs and make everything pink - sure, that could be "easy", but there's also the changed social links and team dynamics (more writing to be done), weapon system and all that (more coding)? so its like... i'd be actually surprised if they managed a femc during those 4 years. its quite a lot of work to re-adapt base p3 as is i feel and modernizing it. also i feel like atlus themselves wouldnt want to do their character and her fanbase wrong so of course they wouldnt fkn slap on a few pink menus and call it a day. they surely want to rewrite the s links and everything too in accordance to her. art takes time.

(with all that being said bullying atlus for femc is warranted actually maybe then her inevitable dlc might come faster lmao )

similarly, im fine with no "the answer" now despite being its #1 defender. theyd have to completely rework the 30:2 hour grinding to story ratio which is just not sustainable on a modern gameplay perspective. that also takes time.

its why i made this post actually. i somehow trust them, and i feel like most of us can stand to chill a little and have healthier expectations. as in not overbloated and not have the bar set in hell either (altho we should also do that too)

and i know, like anyone who's played this game, it means so much to so many people. and thats why its maybe impossible to please everyone, because its so many different things: a game that saved their life, a funny goofy lighthearted one where you catch demons, the most depressing persona game ever (altho i feel like p2 would beg to differ on that one-), or for me personally, a game that just made me cry man.

and because it means so much, everyone wants to see it be the best it can be!! and that means having hamuchan. i get that all of this riot energy is out of love for the game, really. but. yeah.

a remake seems like it's "less work to do" since the foundation's "already there" and i dont know how many people worked on p3re but like. i highly doubt theyre just sitting on their asses pissing off fans on purpose lol. (or maybe they are and im just too optimistic damn 😭)

#i will say i dont appreciate the sensationalist ign journaling and silly people parroting it like. bro at least state facts lmao #'no fes content' 'zero portable content' uhmmm... ok have u played the game #doomposting. i hate the doomposting #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #aishi.txt #ans #☀️ anon #i feel like we should as a collective just have hamuko everywhere so they know #like i want femc as much as anyone else because uhm. girls are objectively better. idk why they dont capitalize on her more #and the male to female persona players ratio is near 50:50 . actually im p sure more girls play persona #so like i truly dont know whats going on in atlus' minds. but these are the same guys that wont capitalize on goro akechi so #DONT THEY KNOW. the amount of money goro akechi would simply rake in.#smh #but yea i stay hopeful haha #i just love p3 they can do it no wrong. not like this

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kyoryu · 2 years

Note

We have heard your gospel on the shitty finale. Now, dear prophet, I humbly ask for your fix-it ideas

OK SO

you said FIX IT... so how would i fix it. oh in so many ways. but to make what we had WORK, its simple. ive said it before and i will say it again. 3 simple things:

- having no way back to amphibia is treated by the characters as something unfair and theyre all very broken up about it, especially anne. she's inconsolable. shes not accepting just cuz omg i changed i will just take every bad thing life keeps throwing at me here throw some more

- we get to see anne reunite with her parents when shes back (sasha and marcy with theirs too would be nice but thats another can of worms to open)

- after the trio hug in the timeskip, have an actual open end where we see a light flash when they walk off screen. like they went... Somewhere 😳 thatd be cool, like have they opened it before? is this the first time? is it even a portal? dont know, actual open end ✌️

(people keep saying what we got was an open end and the more i think about it the more i call bs. it wasnt open ended they just didnt go back to amphibia and ur in denial. cry about it ig)

anyways id be so happy with an ending like that. im not even changing much its just adding 3 things.

(also id probably skip on the trio growing apart and shit. like i keep saying, i dont think them growing apart in the situation where amphibia is closed for good works out. its just weird. like yeah we close this chapter that totally didnt mark us for life and we move on 🤟 BUT AGAIN JUST LIKE SASHARCYS PARENTS, THATS ANOTHER CONVO)

AS FOR AN ACTUAL FIX IT... to make exactly what we got work we'd have to rewrite the whole thing. not make it about saving the world, not making it so much about family, changing everything. cuz that ending just shits on everything lmao if the ending we got actually worked then amphibia would have to be a completely different story

ANYWAY a fix it would be what i said. tbh i like it when u add those 3 things. its genuinely bittersweet like that. it makes me angry about how its only 3 simple little things that couldve been added and i wouldve been content. but whatever

HOWEVER, A DELUSIONAL ENDING THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY WOULD BE: annes given 3 full stones, bc i dont see why tf not if she meets god. i mean if its gonna be nonsensical then lets be nonsensical all the way and have 3 stones. each of them get one, and they can use it to travel back and forth by themselves. each time they have to charge it.

this means they dont usually Go together. they go separately, and if theyre ever in amphibia at the same time they might not even know. sasha always warps at toad tower, anne in wartwood, marcy in newtopia. they go to amphibia for their own purposes and business. and thus the trio grows apart.

it makes more fucking sense, ofc i think the trio growing apart makes sense, it just Doesnt when you add it up with closing off amphibia forever lol. but with amphibia being accessible i totally see it. theyre all doing their own stuff and making their own friends (both human and amphibians). even like this, after what they went through, sasha anne and marcy are intertwined for life. no matter how much time passes, how different they become, theyre unique to each other. they always come back to each other at one point. other than that, amphibia is open, they get to grow up in a place they love with people they love without having to sacrifice choosing one or the other bc that Sucks Ass and they've been thru enough, and have enough mental scars that will keep haunting them even after if they get to thrive in both worlds

this version is kinda. unrealistic. i get it. but the realistic ending we got was bullshit and shitted on everything, its sad and not to mention Boring. i think this ver still gets the point across (point that was already made so many times in the show anyway), sprig and anne grow up together, anne still becomes a herpetologist but now instead of fucking tragic and sad its very fun and cute, sasha has a getaway from her chaotic homelife and can be with grime who never ever EVER left her side, marcy gets to become close to olivia like shes failed to do and hence gain an actual mother figure in her life, etc etc. hehe

(and as adults sasha and marcy choose to move to amphibia. or as teenagers they just straight up stay there. but thats another convo as well)

i actually do enjoy a version where they only go back after 10 years and they have to reconnect, its fun to explore, but it never stops being Sad. i think of it and make hcs about it and comics about it but it never stops being full on sad ending to me and when i remember its not just a fun concept im exploring, its the genuine ending we got that is supposed to be Good and Satisfying, i become enraged. i continue not to see the sweet in the bitter. i wish people would at least admit its full on a very sad ending instead of pretending it was something else (people who liked it say it makes them want to d1e or say "idk i just like sad endings" so u agree. u agree it is a sad ending where characters end up sad)

anyways. kind of a stupid ramble here. i love amphibia (kicks the ending on the throat)

#amphibia finale hater sandbox #new ask tag

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artificialqueens · 11 months

Text

🏳️‍🌈 The Miracle of Living Pt.2 - Lita

In this world we're just beginning To understand the miracle of living

Lmao I had you in the first half, this is not just a cutesy slice of life family AU and actually gets fucking awful and tragic from here on out, you have been warned. This was originally meant to be a single story but I decided to chunk it into two halves just so it's not unreadably long, which means ALL the suffering gets to be consigned into whatever this is. Anyway, see other part for author notes and shit, apologies in advance xo

Summary: Adore is an adult now, and life is simpler for Bianca. Until an unexpected tragedy shatters her world, and her relationship with her daughter.

TW: Major character deaths, parental loss, accidental overdose, suicidal thoughts

[1] NEW MESSAGE Ben Putnam ✨🏳️‍🌈 12/9/46 19:08 jinkx is about to call you freaking tf out - don’t listen to them, im basically fine. got into an accident driving home, i look kinda banged up and i think my shoulders dislocated but nothing serious. pls call adore and tell her - if she says shes gonna ditch her concert or anything like that dont let her, she doesnt need to worry. if ur not busy and feel like coming to see me id like that (and i think jinkx could use some moral support lol, theyre taking this harder than i am) but don’t let j convince u that im on my deathbed. love ya, bitch! b xoxo

*****

November 12th, 2046

“Bea…”

Jinkx stands up as Bianca enters the waiting room. Their voice is cloying - too sickly. Too sympathetic.

Of all of Ben’s various partners since the divorce, Jinkx was definitely Bianca’s favorite. Bianca had been Ben’s maid of honor (or ‘cunt of dishonor’ as he’d affectionately christened her) at their wedding last spring. Jinkx is kind, sensitive - their eccentricities line up perfectly with Ben’s, they’re a good step-parent to Adore, as resistant as she’d been to having a step-parent. However, Jinkx under pressure is prone to amateur dramatics - Ben’s text prediction regarding the nature of their impending phone call had been totally spot-on.

So Bianca is surprised to see that they look drained - not sad. Not scared. Just tired - their shock of red hair disheveled, eyes puffy and face moist with half-dried tears. Bianca grips the strap of her purse a little tighter. She hadn’t expected this. They had been all catastrophe and hysterics on the phone - sobbing like their life depended on it. Why are they so calm?

Per Ben’s instructions, Bianca hadn’t dropped everything to go to him. She’d been working late, supervising a bunch of bored, annoyed teenagers doing stocktake - she hadn’t exactly bided her time, heading straight for the hospital as soon as she’d clocked out, but she also hadn’t exactly rushed.

Two lanes of the freeway were closed because of a car wreck. She figured it wouldn’t be the same one - it couldn’t have been that bad if Ben was awake, coherent, and texting her. As the backed-up traffic crawled past the remains of the scene at five miles an hour, she’d tried not to look. She knew she shouldn’t have looked. But she looked anyway - she’d caught sight of the remnants of Ben’s car at the front of a pile-up, crushed from behind by a smoldering pickup truck, and felt the sting of vomit rising up at the back of her throat. The driver’s side door looked intact. That was something. Ben was fine. Ben had told her himself that he was fine. So Ben was fucking fine.

On the drive to the ER, Bianca called Adore - anxiety twisting below her ribcage, visions of shattering glass and crumpling metal scorching into her eyelids every time she blinked, desperate for a distraction. The phone had been picked up by her weirdo manager, Winona or Wilma or whatever her name was, who’d decided that a call from her mom, regardless of the matter at hand, wasn’t important enough to bother Adore with before a gig, and had hung up.

And now she’s been taken into a side room that feels like a fucking morgue, and Jinkx is acting so calm and kind that it’s nauseating. This feels weird. There’s a bible on the table in the middle of the room. What the fuck is happening?

Jinkx reaches out, and pulls Bianca into an oppressively tight hug. Bianca squirms, determined to extricate herself from the stifling embrace and start asking questions. She’s never known Jinkx to act anything but weird, but this was bizarre even by their standards. When they break away, Jinkx takes Bianca’s hand. It sets her teeth on edge.

“Jinkx, what’s going on?” Bianca’s voice comes out sterner than she would have liked.

“Did you call Adore?”

What kind of fucking response is that?

“I tried. Her manager picked up - she’s at a gig, I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“I really think you should try and talk to her now.”

Bianca really doesn’t like Jinkx’s tone. She also doesn’t know what to do with herself. She figured she was here as emotional support for Jinkx, who seems fine if a bit off-kilter and cryptic - or as a proxy for Adore, who was performing and/or wasted in Austin, enjoying the sudden and somewhat random success of her previously struggling music career.

“Jinkx, where’s Ben? What happened?”

Jinkx grimaces. They try to convince her to sit down - urging her towards a ugly upholstered chair with their lips pursed. Bianca doesn’t move.

“Jinkx.” Bianca repeats herself more insistently, folding her arms. Jinkx sits down, clenching their jaw and breathing shakily. “Where the fuck is Ben? I need to see him."

“…he died, Bea.”

Bianca’s blood turns to ice in her veins. She takes a sharp breath in.

“What do you mean he died?” Bianca’s voice is thin. Jinkx doesn’t say anything. “He texted me - he was fine like, an hour ago.” Jinkx stays silent. Bianca feels like she’s going to throw up. Why won’t they say anything? “He’s- Jinkx, what do you mean he fucking died?”

“They thought he was fine,” Jinkx sniffs. “There were other people from the wreck who were hurt worse than he was - he kept saying he was okay so the doctors would focus on them, and then he coded out of nowhere. I think they said he was bleeding in his abdomen or something - nobody realized until it was too late. He was sitting up and talking to me, then he…” Jinkx stops, swallowing hard. Their eyes have welled up.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have tried to get here faster.” Bianca’s knees are shaking. She can’t move - can’t admit to the failure of her emotions. Frightening and all-consuming as they are. She’s still wearing her work lanyard, and it feels utterly stupid. Why hadn’t she just fucking left? Why had locking up a goddamn store she could burn to the ground without losing sleep been more important than this? Than Ben?

“I didn’t know how to.” Jinkx won't make eye contact with her. “I couldn’t tell you over the phone - it didn’t feel right.”

Bianca sits down before she collapses. Her hands are shaking. Her throat hurts like she needs to cry, but there are no tears. She isn’t crying, and she won’t - not until it’s essential.

“But you were- you shouldn’t have waited all this time on your own. I would have been here sooner.” Bianca is barely able to talk. “I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t even know what she’s talking for - trying to fill the awful, empty air with some sort of noise, even if it is wilted platitudes. She’s horribly aware of her own breathing; how hard it is, how much effort it’s taking, how it feels like she’s choking. It’s like she’s drowning in the air and the silence - like a goldfish dropped out of the bowl.

Jinkx puts an arm around her shoulders. There are tears rolling down their cheeks.

“I really think you should call Adore again.”

Adore. Adore didn’t get to say goodbye - Adore didn’t fucking know. That was her fucking dad, and she loved him, and she’d never-

Bianca stops. Something in her brain ticks. A somber conversation at the kitchen table.

“His, uh- his advanced directive. San Juni-whatever - Cookie heaven-“ Bianca blurts out, ejecting the words as soon as they appear in her head. The comfort feels cold, but it’s comfort nevertheless.

She looks at Jinkx. Their face has crumpled. They’re shaking their head. No.

“They tried - it all happened too quickly, it didn’t work. He was gone before they could…” Jinkx bites their lip. “I’m sorry - I know how much it means- meant to him, I know he wanted…”

Bianca shakes her head, trying to get Jinkx to stop talking. It isn’t fair - they’ve just lost their husband, and yet it’s them trying to comfort her?

“It’s okay.”

It’s not. But Jinkx rests their head on Bianca’s shoulder anyway, and Bianca takes their hand, even though she feels like she’s only making everything worse. What warmth is she capable of? Her presence isn’t doing anything besides forcing Jinkx to stir up their own raw emotions, and reminding them both of the cavernous space between them that Ben’s daughter should be filling.

Bianca fumbles her phone out of her purse with her shaking hands as Jinkx cries a wet patch into her collar. She needs to call Adore.

*****

November 24th, 2046

The silence in the kitchen is uncomfortable. Neither Adore nor Bianca knows how to fill it. Ben’s funeral was yesterday morning. Bianca doesn’t know if Adore is okay, but she doesn’t know what to say to her either. She hasn’t seen her cry yet.

She’s exhausted. The last couple of weeks have been a terrible, sleepless headfuck. All of the funeral planning and formality had fallen into Bianca’s lap - Jinkx had been too distraught to try and think about it, and she couldn’t ask Adore. It was the only real help she’d been able to offer; if there’s one thing that Bianca knows for a fucking fact, it’s that she’s awful at providing comfort. But as usual, she’d taken too much on, and she hadn’t had time to process what had happened - time to grieve, or even just to fucking take a breath and figure out where her own head was at.

Bianca feels hollow. And Adore won’t speak to her. She’s sitting at the dinner table, with her bright blue hair piled on top of her head in a sloppy ponytail, wearing some tattered band shirt that doesn’t really fit her, and she seems…fine. She’s been home since Ben died, but they’ve been floating around the empty house on two completely different planets; barely making eye contact with each other, let alone talking. There’s a mug of coffee turning cold in Bianca’s hand, and her daughter won’t meet her gaze.

Adore fidgets with the hair-tie around her wrist. She looks nervous.

“Listen, Mom-”

“Are you okay?” Bianca blurts out, and then cringes - Adore looks at her with frustration in her glazed-over eyes.

“I need to tell you something.”

“What’s up?” Bianca tries to inject some warmth into her voice.

“I know I said I’d stay for a little longer, but I’m…”

Oh god. Bianca already doesn’t like where this is going. She clenches her teeth, trying to contain the stupid, defeated little whimper she can feel rising into the back of her throat.

“I got a call from my manager this morning. My new single drops in a week, and there’s- this big-deal band wants me to open for them on their tour. It’s two months on the road, and I know that I shouldn’t- I mean, it’s a huge opportunity, and the money is really fucking good, and I’m…” Adore’s words are stilted and awkward.

Bianca takes a second to compose herself.

“When would you be leaving?” Bianca eventually says. It’s the most neutral question she can think of, and her words come out flat and unbothered. She can’t say what she really wants to - can’t beg her to stay, can’t argue back. Can’t take this from her.

“Day after tomorrow,” Adore says to the floor, still wringing her hands awkwardly.

“And why do you sound like you’re asking for permission to go?"

“Because- I don’t know.” Adore says, equally lacking in emotion. It’s felt for the last couple of weeks like she and Bianca have just been going through the motions of their relationship without any feeling. “I mean- fuck, you’re my mom. And everything is just- I can’t leave you right now. If you said no, then I can’t...”

“Why do I have to say no?” Bianca tilts her head. Her neck is stiff from the sleepless nights.

“Because I don’t want to.”

That answer frustrates Bianca, and she can tell from Adore’s body language that she knows it. Adore picks at a loose thread on her shirt - she’s never been able to sit still. Bianca pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not gonna be the bad guy, Dorey - even if you want me to. We’re talking about your career here - not doing it would be fucking stupid,” Bianca says, toneless and insincere again. She pauses. “Do they know that your dad just died?”

“…No,” Adore grimaces. The first small twinge of emotion flashes across her face for a second, and then it’s gone. “They might give it to someone else. They’ll think I’m gonna be unstable or unreliable or something.”

“Are you?”

“Maybe,” Adore purses her lips. “It’s kinda still not real. Maybe it’ll stay like that if I’m distracted.”

“And maybe it’ll get real when you’re on the road - you need to think about yourself.”

Adore murmurs something unintelligible by way of response, shakily trying to affirm that she can do it. Bianca stares into her coffee cup. They seem to have reached some level of nonverbal understanding that they’re not gonna talk about this any more. Adore is leaving tomorrow, and Bianca better make peace with that.

“You’re not mad about me leaving you by yourself, are you?” Adore’s meek voice cuts through the icy reticence.

“What? No - I’m a big girl, I’ll survive,” Bianca shrugs her shoulders. Why does Adore default to the assumption that she’s always mad? Why does she have to be the villain all the goddamn time? Can’t she just be upset?

“But like…do you have friends?"

“Yes, I have fucking friends, Adore.”

And then she thinks about it. Her family doesn’t give a shit, and Raja had broken things off with her a couple of weeks before Ben dropped dead out of fucking nowhere - and yeah, maybe she’s close enough with a couple of people from work that she’d be able to talk to them, but the thought makes her squirm.

She’d not so much asked Adore to stick around for a couple of weeks after the funeral as she had begged her to. The loneliness is choking her, and her daughter is the only person she can face - because they never really talked about their feelings, and even this wasn’t enough to make them start. She just needed someone to be quietly sad alongside. The more that she thinks about it, the more she realizes that the only person she wants to talk to about the pain inflicted by Ben’s death is Ben himself.

Which she should be able to do. She’s grown more attached to the San Junipero concept than she ever wanted to be. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’d gotten comfortable with the two of them never having to live without each other. Except that didn't work, and now he’s gone. Forever.

Bianca had friends. A friend. She’d never needed anyone else, and so she’d never bothered trying to find them. She hadn’t planned for an eventuality in which he’d be dead by forty-six.

Bianca is crying. Horrible, huge, ugly floods of tears. Adore looks nervous - like she doesn’t know what to do with herself. This isn’t fair. She can’t make Adore deal with her like this. But she can’t stop. Twelve days of awful emotional blockage are clearing themselves all at once, and Bianca’s face is soaking wet and there’s snot running down her chin, and she feels about as disgusting as she probably looks. Adore’s chair scrapes the tiled floor, and she’s standing behind Bianca - wrapping her arms around her, resting her sharp chin on Bianca’s shoulder.

Adore’s body is starting to heave against hers, and as Bianca tries to blink through some of the blur to her vision and catch her trembling breath, she realizes Adore is crying too. Is this progress?

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, baby.” Bianca takes one of Adore’s hands in hers, running a thumb across her tattooed knuckles. “It’s okay - it’s okay to be sad.”

“I’m not sad.” Adore’s voice is thin. “And I have to go. I don’t want to be here. I can’t be here without him.”

Adore mutters the admission like it’s blasphemy, and Bianca doesn’t like it, but she knows. Ben’s ghost lingers in every brick and board and fiber of this house. It hurts - that she isn’t capable of being what Adore needs right now. But she understands.

*****

June 7th, 2047

“Don’t fucking put that on me - don’t screw up my childhood and then keep making me miserable as a fucking adult, it’s not fair-"

“Ob, cry me a fucking river - you had a great childhood!”

“Did I? Getting dragged up by some fucking idiot who didn’t know what she was doing-"

“I was a fucking kid, Adore - I was trying my fucking best-”

It’s dark outside. Bianca feels like shit. She wishes Adore hadn’t left.

She hasn’t been able to sleep without sedatives since Ben died, and she hates it. She also doesn’t know why - she wasn’t there. It didn’t happen to her. It’s not her tragedy. She fishes the blister pack of xanax out of her purse and swallows one with the tail end of her glass of wine. Sleep. She needs sleep. She needs this shitty, awful, horrible day to be over. Maybe when she wakes up, Adore will be over her tantrum.

She drops the pills on the kitchen counter. The last dregs of the wine are eyeing her up through the bottle. Bianca hesitates for a moment, refills her glass, and swiftly empties it down her throat.

She walks through the empty living room, put off by the silence. It’s too quiet in this house. She wishes she hadn’t kept it. Ben deserved it more - he had a partner, and a good life, and hope for the future. Not the pathetic remains of half a dozen short-lived, shitty relationships, and a dead-end job. Adore loved him - she clearly can’t fucking stand Bianca. There would still be life in these walls if he’d taken it, and Bianca had hiked all her stupid clothes and coffee table books and vanity and venom to a crappy bachelor apartment.

It was Ben’s fucking house - it was his career that had paid for it. Bianca felt sick enough with guilt and frustration that he’d insisted she stayed and he left, and then kept ‘forgetting’ to cancel the mortgage auto-payments when he was still alive - just like he kept ‘forgetting’ to stop making her car payments, or kept sending her cheques from some ‘investment account’ they’d apparently set up years ago that she had no memory of. She’d stolen a better quality of life than she was owed from a guy that she was tethered to based on one night of bad decisions when they were in their twenties. It would have been easier on her conscience if Ben had resented her for it. But he didn’t. He’d looked out for her and loved her right up until the ugly end and she didn’t deserve any of it.

If Ben had stayed here, he would have had to drive a different route to work. That’s why they bought the house - it was close to his job. Maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe it would have been her that died after a rush hour car wreck, of an internal hemorrhage that every medical professional in the vicinity was too busy and too stupid to notice. Maybe things would be better that way.

The house is too quiet, and there’s too much space - Bianca traipses up the stairs, her fingers brushing over the lingering texture of Adore’s childhood crayon-on-wall scribbles, long since painted over.

The wine is making her feel worse. She’s angry - hurt, frustrated, upset. But not with Adore. With herself for making her this way.

Ben was warm, Ben was supportive. Ben could never see a single fault in her - not like Bianca. Bianca was the Bad Cop; the enforcer, the prison warden. Bianca nagged Adore about her homework and her curfew and her room being a mess - Bianca questioned her judgment, Bianca shat on her fashion choices. Bianca tried her best to make sure the kid didn’t turn out like she had. And she’d done it - Adore was successful, she was living a life she could look back on and be proud of. So, no fucking wonder Adore’s ideal future was one that didn’t have Bianca in it.

“Bull-fucking-shit. You weren’t a kid, you were in your twenties-“

“I was two years younger than you are, you think you’d be great at raising a child now? Forget about finding out you’re pregnant when you were twenty-one and having to give up everything you’ve ever wanted in life for-“

“Nobody asked you to do that.”

“No, they didn’t - but I had to do what was fucking best for you. Fuck my dreams, fuck what I wanted. You think anybody is working in a goddamn Urban Outfitters age forty-fucking-seven because they want to be?”

“I’ve been out of your house for five years, you’ve had time. Go live your dreams, since I’m not a fucking burden on you any more-“

“You’re not fucking getting it - the ‘living my dreams’ ship has sailed, since I had to drop out of fucking college for you. I had to put my life on hold indefinitely for you, and so did your father, so stop being such an ungrateful little shit-“

Bianca keeps replaying the fight in her head. Tonight had started well. Adore was back in town between tour dates and album sessions - not for Bianca. To see friends, and to meet with some record execs that Bianca was too uncool to know the names of. But when Bianca had asked if she had a free night, Adore had humored her. They’d ordered pizza, bought a couple bottles of wine, and for a moment, things felt the way they used to. Bianca was happy, for a fleeting second.

Adore had been her best friend until she was thirteen. Then some awful melting pot of Adore’s pubescent bitch tendencies and Bianca’s stubbornness and short fuse had kicked off a bizarre ongoing war between the two of them that only seemed to mellow out once Adore left home and they weren’t constantly in each other’s way. It was normal teenager shit - Bianca remembered things being the same way between herself and her mother when she was in junior high. Her mother that she doesn’t fucking speak to any more.

Bianca loves Adore so much that it’s physically painful, and she felt like a monster the entire time they were at odds. But she didn’t know how to stop it - she didn’t know how to be whatever Adore seemed to need from her.

Not that there hadn’t been good moments. Adore’s first concert. The family vacation to Cancun. The weekend shopping sprees. Every so often, Bianca caught a glimpse of the fully-formed human being that Adore was starting to become, and she…well, adored her. But sooner or later, the shit would start again; Bianca could feel herself failing her daughter in real time.

Just like when Adore was a teenager, things had fallen apart tonight just as Bianca was starting to enjoy the good.

It was her fault. Like usual. Bianca had too much to drink too quickly, and she got emotional. She’d phrased some stuff poorly. She’d upset Adore. It was always her fault - it was always her that made the first wrong step. Adore just reacted to her shitty parenting.

She’d made an off-handed comment about Adore ‘abandoning’ her. Which, in her crappier moments, she often felt but resolved never to say to her. Adore was an adult with her own life and her own burgeoning fame to deal with, and she’d lost her dad less than a year ago. Bianca’s feelings didn’t matter; she should be seeking her emotional support from someone her own age. So fucking what if Adore had better things to deal with than her mom’s grief and loneliness?

But she’d said it anyway, and then she’d doubled down. Just like she always did. Adore started crying. Bianca got frustrated. God, she misses Ben. He wouldn’t have let this happen.

“Leave Daddy the fuck out of this, he’s the only person I never doubted cared about me and I-"

“Yeah, he did. He really, really fucking cared about you - enough to spend nearly his entire adult life closeted because he wanted to give you some semblance of a normal childhood, enough that the night he fucking died he didn’t want me to call you because he didn’t want to worry you-“

“That’s not a good thing! I wish I’d been there! I wish I knew, instead of coming offstage to find out that my dad had fucking died and my stupid, selfish, uptight bitch of a mother didn’t think it was worth her time to tell me that he was in that accident-“

“I told Willam - she said it wasn’t important enough to get you on the goddamn phone! Blame her!”

“You should have tried harder!”

“I didn’t think I had to. Your dad didn’t know how bad it was, he didn’t know what was going to happen - none of us knew, obviously if we did I would have put you on a flight as soon as I-“

Bianca has been trying to write that stupid fucking San Junipero bullshit out of her will for months now. If Ben wanted it and didn’t get it, she’s sure as shit not doing it now. However, the process is a fucking nightmare - eight hundred stupid phone calls to eight hundred useless morons who need to refer her to the next person, to try and sell her on an upgrade or ask her if this is because she wants the payout for the unused credit on her plan. It’s demoralizing and exhausting - the evil spiritual stepsister of canceling fucking cable, but a hundred times harder and with constant reminders of her fucking dead ex-husband and the last request he never got.

Everything is depressing and shit, and she’s tired. She wants it to end - she wants to return to a normal that she can never get back.

Bianca lingers at the open door of Adore’s teenage bedroom. It’s a shitshow. She hadn’t tidied up after herself when she left after Ben’s funeral - if anything she’d made more mess, rummaging around in her things and packing and unpacking for that fucking tour she had to go on. Which had done good things for her. In the last six months, her opening spots had turned into festival headliners and talk show appearances; she had an album in the works, and was watching her teenage dream blossom in real time to heights she’d never imagined it would reach. Bianca is glad that she went. Even if she hates her for it a little bit.

Bianca doesn’t want to touch anything. She treads carefully across the messy floor, trying not to disrupt anything; trying to preserve her daughter’s chaos, learn to live in it and love it as she did. Adore’s bed is unmade. The sheets smell like her.

There’s a framed picture by her bed - a print of a blurry selfie taken at Ben’s niece’s bat mitzvah. She remembers that night. Adore had just turned twenty-one and her hair was purple. They’d gotten irresponsibly drunk on kosher wine, and Adore had climbed into Bianca’s lap to take the picture, pressing her gloss-sticky lips to Bianca’s cheek and telling her she loved her. They’re both smiling like maniacs.

Adore had just turned twenty-one. That picture hadn’t been there when Adore last occupied that room - she’d moved into her college dorm a few days before her nineteenth birthday. She’d brought that here. And left it here. Bianca feels queasy. She picks it up gently, like it’s a precious artifact. The frame is bright red hard plastic, shaped like a heart - painted on one side, in Adore’s endearingly shitty handwriting: LOVE YOU MOMMY XO

Bianca’s eyes well up. It was a fucking gift that Adore never gave to her. Probably because she’d ruined Adore’s last visit home. Just like she ruined tonight. Just like she ruined her. Bianca drops the frame like it burns to touch, and she hears the glass shatter against the hardwood floor.

She closes the door as she leaves, hearing it slam and her own breath becoming frantic. She feels that familiar ache, a sob building up in the depths of her chest.

She’s pressed against Adore’s wall and staring directly into Ben’s old room. She’d transformed it into a pitiful sewing workspace that she’d barely used when he moved out - a weird attempt to kick some sense of purpose back into her life when Adore had flown the nest and Ben was out living his own life, picking up an old hobby that had dominated her teens and fuelled her plans for the future. Plans that had died a death in the bathroom of her old apartment downtown. The mannequin torso sits gathering dust, half-finished sketches litter the table. A waste - like everything else.

She can’t do this. She doesn’t want to be here. She wants Adore back. Wants to hold her in her arms, breathe in her scent and her warmth, and tell her she forgives her for every horrible thing that had come out of her mouth tonight.

No, she wants to tell her that she’s sorry. For everything.

Sleep. She needs to sleep.

“You just don’t want to admit that you screwed me out of a chance to say goodbye! You feel like I’ve abandoned you? Fuck you! You didn’t love him!”

“I did-"

“He was your friend - he was my fucking dad. Don’t try and pretend that what you’re feeling right now is anything like what I’m feeling, because it’s not.”

“It doesn’t have to be - Dorey, we can deal with this together. I want to be there for you. I want to help you. And I miss you, is that such a fucking crime?”

“You miss being a bitch to me - you miss telling me that I’ve wasted my life. You miss having someone else to boss around, because that’s all you wanna do.”

“Adore, I tried my fucking best for you. I didn’t have it in me to be a perfect mother - I didn’t have one, I wasn’t set up to be good at this. I tried my best, and if you feel like I’ve failed then I’m really fucking sorry. But I love you, and-“

Why the fuck are her pills on the kitchen counter? Bianca pops one out and swallows it dry, desperate for her mind to shut the fuck up. She’s drunk and confused and alone and fucking sad, and she wants to sleep.

Should she call Adore? No, that feels desperate. She needs to leave her alone; let her get over this at her own pace, let her come back on her own. If she wants to come back. She’ll come back.

Bianca didn’t come back. Bianca didn’t forgive her mom for the sin of setting her expectations too high, so why the hell would Adore do the same? Maybe her mom feels the same way about her - maybe she feels deprived of a presence in the life she created, and maybe she loses sleep and paces around the house at night like a madwoman and cries over her too. That feels vindicating - so why does it hurt so much that Adore is probably gonna commit her to the same fate?

Bianca collapses into the couch. Her body feels heavy. The clock on the wall says it’s just after midnight. There’s an empty pizza box on the coffee table. Adore’s lipstick is stained onto the rim of her glass.

“God, can you not go five minutes without trying to make me feel like shit? I know. I know you tried, I’m sorry I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to-“

“Do you think this is what your dad would have fucking wanted?”

“Don’t talk about what he would have wanted - what he would have wanted doesn’t matter. He’s dead, mom. He’s fucking gone. He’s gone, and I’m never gonna get him back, and now I’m stuck with you.”

“The fuck do you mean ‘stuck with’ me?”

“You know exactly what I fucking mean.”

“What, you wish it was me? You wish I was the one that had fucking died? If that’s what you mean, say it.”

“If I have to choose one of you then yeah. Yeah, I wish it was him that was still here.”

The couch is soft and warm and Bianca is falling asleep. She’s comfortable - but she feels wrong. Her head is swimming.

It’s getting dark outside. Bianca watches for headlights in the driveway. Maybe Adore will come home and forgive her. Bianca is tired, and her head is heavy, and she wants to go to sleep. Sleep and forget. Maybe Adore will love her again when she wakes up.

*****

[1] MISSED CALL Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:21

[3] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:23 mom im rlly sorry. i love you. can we talk <33 mom are you okay? talk to me

[3] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:29

[4] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 00:34 mom PLEASE answer ur phone im sorry talk to me please im coming over

[5] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:58

[3] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:01 im outside answer the door mommy i know ur mad at me but i want to talk to u, im rlly sorry i love u so much pls answer the door mom MOM

[8] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:07

[2] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:11 mommy please im sorry. i love you.

****

Pride Challenge Points: 6662

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