#but in general a lot of folks around here need to learn how to fucking say sorry

[moki-dokie]

since some people need a lesson on how to do this...

HOW TO APOLOGIZE:

Part a) acknowledge and take responsibility for The Thing you did that warrants an apology. ex: "I said something that was racist.". Part b) acknowledge the harm you have caused. ex: "I said something that was racist and deeply hurt you."

say you are sorry and mean it. nothing else. do not explain, defend, or excuse your actions in any way. that may happen later IF and ONLY if the person you are apologizing to asks you to provide a reason. say sorry, then full stop.

make a resolution to do better going forward. you will learn from this and do your honest best not to let it happen again.

you may ask forgiveness, but also know they do not owe you it. Also ask if there is something you can do to fix things. ex: if you broke something of theirs, you might offer to buy a replacement.

viola. you now know how to apologize for something.

here are some ways to NOT apologize:

"I'm sorry if what i said offended you that wasn't my intention."

there is no IF about anything here. you offended them, period. it doesn't matter what your intention was. you offended them. fix it.

"yeah i realize i said some fucked up shit i was having a bad autistic day."

you do not get to weaponize your own issues for guilt and pity points, regardless if you realize you're doing it or not. you still have to take responsibility for your disability (and mental illnesses too)and using it to shield you from admitting you fucked up is not how you do things. if the person you're apologizing to wants to know what triggered you to behave that way, then you can explain. it should not be part of the apology itself. that is deflection.

"i'm white so obviously i'm going to have some internalized racism but sorry if being a silly billy and having a temper upset some people!! totally working on that guys."

do i really need to even explain this like??? your internalized bigotry isn't a get out of jail free card. we all have it. its part of being human. however, it should always be the goal to move forward and actively fight against learned prejudices. you do that by owning up to them by apologizing when they come out. your white privilege isn't something you get to hide behind. i know, its hard to believe. furthermore, do not make light of a serious issue. you don't get to call yourself a silly billy or a bonehead when the word you are looking for is bigot. and you can say you're working on it all you want, but you need a way to be held accountable. take the opportunity to ask if there is anything else you've said or done that might be insensitive or prejudiced in some way. actually show you're actively doing something to be better.

#in light of a certain situation going on rn #but in general a lot of folks around here need to learn how to fucking say sorry

[bonnieisaway]

Hi Bonnie, do you have any thoughts about Dai Bo?

do you guys know the sheer dopamine hit i get everytime i'm asked shit like this. like just the fact people want to hear my thoughts enough that people go out of their way to unprompted ask me about it. drugs could not simulate this emotion

i love dai bo :3 certified hardest character to explain to any person i'm introducing to the show fr

ok but fr though i feel like his appearance lets a lot of people forget about how deep his character is and how well written he is. because he's written fucking gloriously and he is shaped by his tramua perfectly. a lot of characters in this show have to confront this sort of cycle of violence and dai bo's is more familial and generational than most other character's. he only fought for his friend's son. and he fought so hard to break the cycle. like he's the most beautiful example of breaking the cycle of violence.

SPECIFICALLY with the scene with king pheasant where he's ready to straight up kill that bitch until he looks over and sees xiao fei. and he realizes that xiao fei does not need to see this. xiao fei will not be shaped the way dai bo was, and the cycle WILL stop with dai bo. and this scene is mirrored when xiao fei and seven are going to hurt king pheasant, where dai bo tells them to leave him alone. where dai bo fights to stop the cycle.

and the way his hatred for humans is shaped by seven. how seven is the perfect person for dai bo to have ever met. the best way to prove to dai bo that humanity has good, has beauty in it; this is a man who remembers NOTHING. not even his own name. if you're watching the show in chinese, he doesn't even speak the same dialect as everybody else around him. and this factory-reset, lump of clay of a person with nothing but his own instincts is so kind and trusting. that's how dai bo learns humans can be good so quickly. not just because seven was so kind and forgiving, but because dai bo realizes seven was inherently BUILT that way. that it was his NATURE itself.

and i love the way he clings to this, too; not even just this version of seven but seven himself. because it's subtle at first, because dai bo is not the kind of person who confronts emotions, but it's noticeable. i have an old post where i pointed it out before he confirmed it in season four; when seven is so amazed and stricken by the view of xuanwu, dai bo instantly dismisses and diminishes it, dai bo is constantly upset when seven leaves without him, dai bo is desperately clinging to the seven he knows and is terrified of seven being forced to return to that cycle of violence that he escaped from.

because like, of course he is! dai bo fought for his friend's son to escape that cycle. so to see this man, who he absolutely sees as his own son, have to return to the cycle of violence, let alone for dai bo's sake, of course it destroys him. of course he wants to cling to him and try and dissuade him; who cares about everybody else, as long as you're home and safe. xuanwu not only symbolizes a home far disconnected from dai bo to seven but in dai bo's eyes it's another massive perpetuator of a violent war. i mean he makes that clear when he explains xuanwu and stan - they are the ones fighting the war, we are the normal, smaller, common folk caught in the middle; shelter yourselves and enjoy your small life here.

but violence is neverending, isn't it? even when dai bo destroyed the chicken farm and the fighting ring, what happened? king pheasant found another perpetuator for his vice in stan. another hamster wheel of violence to spin, a super solider of propoganda and murder. something so much bigger than both of them. but dai bo has to accept that seven is an integral part of this 'bigger than them' bit when it comes to xuanwu. that he has to let go of this idea of an obedient, normal, casual seven. just like accepting your son isn't your little boy anymore, that's a grown man. and aside from the metaphor itself seven is actually at the perfect age for this. seven meets dai bo when he's about 19 and fairly skinny and small, and it's mentioned/implied he's grown a bit since meeting dai bo and we know he's 21 in season four.

anyways i love dai bo. i feel like he's underrated and we need to talk about him more. although sometimes i wanna ask the director like, why specifically dai bo and xiao fei were chickens. was there a meaning or a reason or do you think it was just cause they thought it was funny and also what does this implicate about chickens and pidgeons as a whole in this universe

#that last paragraph is mostly a joke if you think about it too hrad you inevitably get a brain aneryusm #sorry i took so long to respond i actually gave myself aminute to formulate real thoughts after seeing it this time #this is so new to me omg ... people wanting to hear my analysis and mentally illeness #yippee yippe yipepeee #anyway ily nonnie #scissor seven #killer seven #wu liuqi #seven

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

#autism #autistic adult #autistic artist #autistic things #autistic community #autism spectrum disorder #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #ADHD #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #bipolar disorder #bipolar #OCD #obsessive compulsive disorder #neurodivergent #neurotypical #;w; #im tired #also cant be fucked to fix the order kf these tags #long post #optimism #mental health #mental health support #mental health awareness #help #helping #idk what im doin witj thesentags goodnluck gamers

[rageprufrock]

can you please share with us more about your experiences relating to your response to the post “if you wouldn’t go to someone for advice, don’t take their criticism either” ?

(asking for a friend who’s struggling at work re: wanting validation and receiving criticism instead)

Unfortunately, very different situation for me. I had a work colleague-semi-mentor who I'd known for a long time, so it took a long time before I could really reconcile that their behavior was completely unacceptable and manipulative. It was a necessary period at the end of an increasingly toxic sentence.

As for your friend re: wanting validation and getting criticism, I do have some generalized insight on that.

One of the most difficult things about a professional career is not having clarity on your performance. Most managers aren't trained on how to manage people, which feels counterintuitive and insane, until you think about how organizations are structured: we usually progress into management after exceling as subject matter experts, which makes sense in some dimensions of work, but is cosmically cursed in so, so many other dimensions of work.

With the caveat that I can only speak to a certain species of Western aligned office for a certain phylum of profit generating organization: something I talk about with a lot of my earlier career employees and colleagues is the deep frustration of feedback, because it's multifaceted.

For a lot of folks it's the frustration and hurt of your manager never providing positive feedback for good work, because the de facto behavior in a lot of workplace environments is that silence is the positive review. It can leave you toiling away without knowing if you did well, or, knowing that you did well and not getting any acknowledgement for it.

This isn't great! A better trained and better prepared manager is as forthcoming with praise and encouragement as they are with constructive feedback. But that's an idealized workplace that doesn't exist in reality, and I think the most important thing to take away from this is that you're not in school anymore, and you can't get your validation from work. Unless you're one of the lucky ones and you work for an organization that's really invested in leadership training, you're likely to have to learn how to cope with this on your own.

You cannot and should not rely on your job for prestige or emotional validation, you shouldn't be looking to build great friendships there, to fall in love there. To be clear: all of these things are possible to gain through work, but none of them are guaranteed or even likely, and no one should expect them. Your job is the thing you do for money, so that you can do other things in life that will validate you emotionally and bring you joy--the job cannot be the thing itself. We all know people whose jobs are their entire personality, and not only is it terminally miserable sitting next to them at dinner parties, it is also not great for the person inflicting it upon you! No job will ever love you back, and you cannot, under any circumstances, let it become the whole of you, or to rely upon it for your sense of worth.

That's a long and intense way of saying: depending on the type of manager and the type of work your friend has, they may never get any validation, and they have to find a way to be okay with that.

But they also need to be honest with themselves, because is it that they're not getting positive feedback when they're delivering great work, or is it the "I turned around this 50 page presentation deck to you in two days and all you did was say that there were typos on four slides" experience?

Given the way you described it in the ask, my guess, and this is a rough one, because there isn't a lot of context here, is that they're doing work they think is good and only getting feedback that focuses on the smaller things that are wrong with it.

Firstly: hell yeah dude that fucking sucks.

Secondly: that said, you did have typos on four slides.

One of the other most significant transitions you make that nobody talks about when you move into the professional sphere is that you're no longer evaluated for effort. That can be a great or terrible thing.

That you spent 100 hours killing yourself to put this project together doesn't really matter if there's something embarrassing and dumb on page 16 that makes your boss look like an idiot in a meeting in front of the clients. As far as they're concerned, you weren't being paid for the 100 hours of effort, you were being paid for delivering something that would make them look smart in that presentation.

By that same token, if you can do that same backbreaking work in 15 minutes with a bunch of Excel macros and fuck around the rest of the day? Who cares--it's getting done, and if it's getting done well, great. Jobs are not forcing you to show your work.

But that doesn't change the sting of how much it sucks when you've worked so hard on something, and at the end of the day, the feedback you get is over something that you perceive to be petty.

Now there are a lot of different influences here: you could have a shitty manager who is just an asshole, you could be working with a fucking weirdo who needed to be shoved into more lockers as a teenager, you could be working for a sociopath--these are all possible.

But what's more likely, from what I have experienced professionally, is that you're likely working for someone who is busy, who hired you to take on something and own it, end to end, and who wants--desperately--to be able to give you work, and never have to think twice about its quality and to trust it absolutely, because it would simplify their life in some way. I'm saying this from personal experience. This is what I want--desperately--from my team, even though I know it is not realistic, and it's almost never possible in a seamless way.

So this is where it's really important that your friend be honest with themselves and evaluate whether those criticisms are--however frustrating--legitimate. Were there issues with the deliverable? Should they have done something different? Should they have communicated better? And if there's smoke there, try to work on gritting your teeth through the knee jerk emotional response and put out the fire, however small, because that's the grit that's going to help propel you through your very long professional career.

It's so, so, so frequently the little things, the rough edges, that feel so unfair to have called out. The typo on page 76. The weird formatting. That one image that uses the wrong hex code for red so it's cool instead of warm tone and that's bugging your leadership team.

But also these small things stand out in the face of an otherwise well-done deliverable. They mar the final work. I'm not saying the weight that they're given is entirely fair--it's not. But don't undercut your own hard work by letting yourself get sloppy as you're dragging across the finish line. You've worked way too fucking hard not to get the credit you deserve for all the work you did to get here. Of course it sucks that this is what anyone is going to notice instead of the broader value, but you can't control that--what you can control is building in time for a last review. Using your network of colleagues to help you give things a proof. Ensuring that you're communicating clearly with your team and manager. Fully take ownership of the stuff you can control, because that's how you're going to get your work taken seriously.

If you can do that, and you can be self-reflective and also detached enough not to let your work performance be an analog for your value, that's going to be an incredible asset as you continue to grow in your career. People say unhinged things to me all the time, and I'm not going to lie and tell you that it doesn't bother me at all anymore, but I'm really good at giving myself the beat, taking five, and then coming back with less immediately murderous reactivity to evaluate things on their actual merits. It means people aren't afraid to be honest with me when there are issues, and it means that I learn about them early enough that I can remediate them and stay a trusted partner and advisor in the workplace.

(And then I go to training and pretend the fucking 20 pound ball filled with sand is my manager and I throw him into walls yelling, "FUCK YOU DUDE," because that anger still has to go somewhere.)

I know it's probably not the answer you or your friend would want to hear, but it's the truth. I try my best to gas up my people by shouting from the rooftops when they do good work, but God knows I also make them crazy when they've spent a long time working on something only for me to tear it to shreds in editing or say, "thanks but this needs another proofing pass," and I'm sure they're plotting my death in bars about it.

#professional advice #advice

[scarletspider-lily]

this bullshit discourse around cishet aromantic men is driving me insane and im not aromantic or aspect in the slightest but i gotta rant. because it's just getting very ridiculous at this point, because people make assumptions about everyone and also want to twist the definition of being queer- for some reason?? 1) "well- well they dont get oppressed!! >:(" sorry, pause, why the FUCK are we making "oppression" a part being lgbtq+ ? is this some new fucking requirement?? are you people okay?? i dont give a fuck if some queer child has had the best life ever in a super inclusive area from the second they were born, i would be happy for them?? maybe you should too? listen, ive faced oppression for being bisexual, and have felt envious of those with accepting family and whatnot, but what im not going to do is discredit my fellow queer person for facing "less" or no oppression at all for their identity. crazy take, but i think the goal should be to reduce queer oppression...

and oppression is not... some fixed scale type of thing, someone was trying to say that being asked "when will you get married?" to aro people wasn't oppression. as if that is not the only thing aro people face, as if instituitions like marriage dont exist, with certain economic benefits aro people can't partake in, and social constructs making certain people seem "weird" and straight up ostracized from social groups if they choose not to partake in romance.

2) amatonormativity is a thing, look it up. i get that it may be frustrating if you are allo to accept that youve been taught a lot of stuff about romance that seems magical and all encompassing and you dont want to give it up, but no one is asking you to do that. i used to be taken aback at some things aro folks pointed out, but as ive read more, ive realized that romance is wonderful to some people but shouldnt be held up as the ultimate pedestal in society. so, romanticize romance and whatnot if you personally want to, but understand that certain social constructs may harm people, especially those who do not want relationships for whatever reason. plus, learning about amatonormativity has helped me positively go about my own relationships- platonic and otherwise! 3) im gonna piss people off with this one, but please stop with the bullshitty radfem takes about cishet men being the ultimate spawn of satan, or something. the jokes here and there were one thing, but some of you guys actually believing that most of what cishet men do is inherently evil is legitimately concerning and this doesnt do much to actually help any matters. no, the man choosing to have another hookup this week or continuing to fuck a female friend-with-benefits isnt the ultimate enemy here against women. most takes on "hookup culture" generalize a lot of people's experiences, and i know there is research backing multiple perspectives on this, but at the end of the day what needs to be realized is that you cannot stop two consenting people from doing things together. it has no impact on you, and does not have a grand impact on society. unless you have definitive proof that whatever evil man you're talking about is "using women", there's no point to what you are saying, and if there is such a man, cishet aro men still are legitimate in their identity. would you exclude gay people from the community because of gay people who do bad things? would you do that for most identities? no? what makes this so drastically different, then? dont pull the oppression argument again for the love of god anyways, i hope all the cishet aro men and aro people in general are having a nice day. you will always be a part of the lgbtq+ community. dont let anyone tell you otherwise, or discredit you for the amount of "oppression" you face, as im sure they dont know half of any struggles you have. and if you (or any queer person in general) do happen to have few struggles, im very happy for you, as that's how it should be!!

#rant #i genuinely cannot stand this discourse anymore #discourse critique #queer #aro #aromantic #arophobia #tw arophobia #scarletspider-lily #long post #btw im not aro so if i got smth wrong lmk but ya!

[turtlesandfrogs]

I think the idea, the expectation, in my country that people should move out of their parent's homes once they've reached some level of adulthood is a tool to prevent lower income families from accumulating stability or even a small amount of intergenerational wealth. And if it's not an intentional tool, it sure works like one. Also maybe this only applies to a very narrow segmentation that I happen to inhabit, but I think it might be more broad than that.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets. What's most people's single biggest living expense? Housing. Each generation that gets booted from the family home is starting over in the quality of living race. You finish college (or high school or get kicked out at 18 or...) with no savings, no buffer, and now you have to find housing. It can be really jarring for folks, because their patents have hopefully managed to build up a little stability and quality of life, and here you are, just starting out, and in a point in life that's a huge transition and huge amounts of stress and kinda really can affect the rest of your life rather dramatically. And you're bumped all the way back to square one. You've got to find housing, and a bed, and all the other things you need to support your life in this society, from scratch.

Rich folks PAY for their children's housing, or pay their bills, or are there to support their kids in case of a financial emergency- or opportunity. Their kids get support, so if they have a fuck up, they get another chance. Folks from my income level don't get that option, their parents can't afford it.

And trust me, I get that not everyone has a family home that they want to remain in for any length of time. But the idea that young adults* should be living by themselves, that living alone is some marker of success? I think that does a lot of economic damage, but it also really feeds in to this loneliness epidemic I keep hearing about. Humans are a social species, and we do better when other people are around.

Living with other people, pooling your resources and skills, makes it easier for everyone. Yes, you have to learn to actually respect other people and their needs, communicate, learn to have autonomy and to support other peoples' autonomy, and solve problems. But other people mean you get community, you get to share labor, you get to save so much on housing and utility costs. How much less fearful would people be if they weren't living alone?

How many people could just stop working 40 hours a week if they had someone to share costs with?

*I also, by the way, think this is good for older folks and children, too. How much less stressful would old age be if folks had younger people around to do the more physically demanding tasks? To just be there in case something happens? How much better for children and parents of children if there were other adults in the home who could help out or hang out? Do you know how isolating parenthood is for so many people?

[galacticscrotum]

Hello!

I don’t really like introducing myself.

I get stressed out trying to capture the essence of who I am in a reasonable amount of words. I’m far too complex for that. Not in a “I’m so complicated and cool and mysterious” way, but more of a “I literally don’t even fully have a grasp on my own existence” way.

So instead of trying to summarize my personality, I’ll just list some random things I’d like you to know if you follow me :) (If it’s too long to read, I put key info in bold)

My name is Em, it’s nice to meet you!

I’ve rotated around the sun 21 times. No wonder I’m dizzy.

I am autistic and have ADHD and CPTSD. All three conditions are intrinsically linked for me, I cannot fully relate to any of the conditions on their own without the other two.

I have several symptoms of BPD (abandonment issues go brrrrr)

I never want to speak over people with higher support needs so please (respectfully) tell me if something I say is incorrect or offensive.

Autism and neurodivergence are huge special interests of mine! (Comorbidities hellooo)

I have a ridiculous and sarcastic sense of humor. I’m a goose that is rather silly.

Communicating requires a lot of my energy, so I don’t like any criticism on how I do it, like how often I punctuate or what words I use. I’m doing my best to get my thoughts from my internal realm to the outside world.

I love to learn about anarchy and communism. Even more, I love learning about and imagining better ways of life outside of any common ideologies.

I am fucking queer as fucking shit.

My pronouns are they/them. she/he are okay too

I edit this post a lot.

I love you and I want to be your friend :)

I use :) a lot and I will not stop :)

I love The Sims 4! (I have three of the expansion packs, city living, cottage living, and cats and dogs, and I do use cheats, and I have wicked whims because tiddies)

I am half Slavic/Balkan and that’s important to me because I was disconnected and removed from my culture when I was 5. (Other half is boring western European white American). Began to reconnect with my culture when I turned 18.

Learning languages is sooo fun for me! Def a big special interest. I’m semi-fluent in Spanish, and have little knowledge of: Portuguese, Mandarin, Serbian, Russian, Hungarian, toki pona (this one is so fucking cool to me).

I love music and sharing recommendations! I used to play several instruments including viola, violin, cello, guitar, and piano. Viola is forever my main instrument. Haven’t played in a while though.

Music genres I like: reggaeton, Afrobeats, house/techno/EDM, 2000-2010s pop, Serbian folk/pop, Mexican/Chicano rap, Spanish guitar, punk rock, Falling in Reverse (genre of its own tbh).

I’m very interested in the origins of humanity, early human migration, language evolution, and related topics.

I like to sew and embroider :)

I’m not religious. I have been finding my own spirituality with Mother Earth and I love it. I like learning about others’ beliefs. I don’t care what your religion is, I’ll accept you as long as you’re not in my DNI list :)

As a queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill person, I will reclaim slurs if I choose to. If that offends you, block me. I’m not here to cater to your sensitivities, I’m here to freely express myself. The language is not being used towards you, you’re just being a cop.

Anonymous asks are now OFF because y’all can’t fucking behave 🙄

DNI: under 18, homophobes, transphobes, racists, bigots, bootlickers, ableists, misogynists, porn blogs, general assholes

If you’re under 18 and want to interact just DNI with any of my posts labeled nsfw/mdni.

Thanks for reading :) Always open to questions! And memes. The more absurd the better.

#introducing myself #intro post #introduction #introductory post #introduction post #self introduction #autism spectrum #autism #autistic women #autistic #i am just a result of the universe taking lsd and hallucinating that it exploded and became alive #audhd #actually autistic #actually audhd

[cryptid-artha]

This needs to be said

Cancel culture is wrong. End of.

Picking out reasons to hate a person and put them down, is wrong. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Tearing someone down over you not liking something, no matter how justified you think you are, is absolutely and completely wrong.

"But this person did this problematic thing therefore they are a bad person!" Yes, they did. They did something you deem problematic. But they are a human being. There is nuance. There are ALWAYS more sides to a story. There are always nuances, and reasons. And cancelling that person is not going to make anything better. This world is not black and white. There are numerous lies that go around online. People love to focus on the negative, and the news, articles, and others will home in on the negative. They will even lie to get those precious views, clicks, and money. Even major news outlets, so you can’t even trust the news! And, in all reality, you can’t even trust a lot of people because when you decide something is bad and start picking it apart, other people are going to be influenced to see this as worse than it is. And before you know it, somebody who made a mistake is being ripped apart by a dreadful mob mentality tearing apart all the improvement they have done. 

I saw it happen, years ago, here on Tumblr. There was somebody who used to be an abusive person. They were manipulative, attention seeking, and generally treated people like shit. They wanted what they wanted, and guilt tripped and the whole nine yards. They realized what they were doing wrong, so they took a hiatus off the internet, worked with therapy, and went through some massive self improvement, and then they came back. They were doing well! They made friends! Their mental health was better. 

But then, somebody brought up their past. And they got harassed so badly that… rumor has it? They committed suicide. Now, I don’t know if they actually did, but I do remember they were contemplating and feeling like they shouldn’t even be alive and these hateful people were actively encouraging them to do it and telling them they were a worthless abuser and would always be a worthless abuser.  Making it worse and bringing up every bad thing they ever did. And yeah! They dropped off the face of the internet. And I have never, ever seen them again. Now, I am not saying that you shouldn't warn people if somebody is actually unsafe. Like if they are a known abuser, or a pedophile, or there's something else they have done that risks harming real people in the present.

This needs to be handled with care. You absolutely can warn folks about their actions, to keep people safe, without adding in extra stuff just to get people as angry with them as humanly possible. Warn other folks about the harm they have done and could do, but do NOT turn around and pick every single thing about them apart. 

Don't go digging into their past and bringing up stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with what you are warning folks about. This should be done with great care, only taking the most recent proof of actual, real harm. 

It is tempting to let emotion take hold. It is tempting to try to make everybody else think you are so good and virtuous for taking that villain down like some comic book super hero, a mighty warrior behind a screen, tapping away at a keyboard. 

But, really, is tearing down another human being really something to be proud of? What if what you are accusing them of isn’t true? What if the sources are wrong? What if you are getting the wrong person? What if they’ve learned and grown and become a better person?  What if you are only seeing part of the story? Try to think of how you would feel if you fucked up in the past. Say, for example, you were an abuser. You manipulated people, hurt people. Maybe you were a bully.  But, over life, you have learned that those actions are wrong. You apologized, did what you could to make it right, then removed yourself from the people you hurt. You grew and learned, you became a better person. You found new friends, using what you learned from your mistakes to keep them and be kind to them this time. You still struggle with shame over what you did, but you are proud of the progress. You are proud of the growth you have gone through, and you are doing your best to continue to learn and grow. Now. Imagine it is years later. You've healed and become healthy and happy, treating people the way they should be treated. Maybe sometimes those old habits come up, but you always push them back down. You apologize when you mess up, and make an effort to learn from your mistakes. It’s slow going, but you’ve come to learn that growth is a slow process. A seed does not become a mighty oak tree overnight.

... And somebody digs up your past because of something or other you did that they deemed problematic. Maybe it was something you did wrong. Maybe you messed up. It wasn't intentional, but what’s done is done, and all you can do is try to avoid that mistake again. Maybe you didn't realize what you did until it was pointed out. Old habits die hard, after all. And no matter how hard you try, sometimes you will slip back. Healing and learning and growing is a slow process. People make mistakes, humans are humans! We are complicated creatures, after all.

But none of that matters. More and more of your past, every little mistake, every little thing folks deem "Questionable" is dragged out and paraded in front of others. All of the past you have worked so hard to grow and learn from is shoved back in your face, a dark shadow you can never escape. The shame, the pain, all of that effort feels like it was for nothing. You become nothing more than the mistakes you made in the past. Maybe those shitty things you did in the past were part of a cycle. Maybe it was learned behavior. Maybe you didn't know it was wrong at the time. That doesn’t change what happened, it doesn’t unhurt the people who were hurt, but you can learn from it and become a better person.

Or, maybe, you didn’t even do anything that bad, or didn't do the thing you are being accused of at all, or it was blown out of proportion with more lies than truth through the grapevine. Or really important details were cut out that make the story sound so much worse than it really is. 

Nobody cares about the real story. Nobody cares about your side. Nobody cares about everything you’ve done to move past it, how hard you’ve tried, how much you’ve grown. All they care about is every single bad thing you have ever done in your life, and any other reason they can find to hate you.

It sure does hurt, doesn’t it? Yeah, there are people who are legitimately bad people. People who really have done bad things, or are still doing bad things. People who hurt others. People who don’t care, don’t learn, don’t grow. 

But that does not give you the right to tear them down. Because when you tear them down, they don’t even get the chance to actually pick up, learn, and better themselves.

What it all boils down to is that we are all human. We are all confused and confusing furless apes living in an indifferent world making mistakes and screwing up and learning and just trying to make it in life.

Tearing other human beings down does not make you a hero. It does not make you virtuous. It does not make you rise above anybody else. It is cruel, needless, and actively makes things worse. 

By all means, make sure folks are informed if somebody is dangerous, but otherwise? Just let it be. Let them live. Let them learn. Avoid them yourself, maybe warn friends about them if you see friends potentially being harmed, but that’s it. Just block and move on.

DON’T attack their livelihood. Don’t attack their friends and family. Don’t attack them. Let them be. Even if that means letting them be somewhere other than near you. 

Every single human being alive on this planet has fucked up. Often times, they have fucked up MAJORLY. Sometimes they have done things that hurt other people. Sometimes they have made a string of terrible decisions that ended up leading to a tragic end. But… they’re still human.

What this all boils down to, is this simple thing.

We are not our mistakes. Who we are as a person is not defined by what we do. When you fuck up, you want the chance to improve yourself, right? The chance to make it right. Do you want to be defined by that series of bad decisions you made for the rest of your life? Do you want that to be brought up time and time and time again, and used to drag you down repeatedly?

I didn’t think so.

#Cancel Culture #It's wrong guys #Don't do it #It's not ok #Don't go tear people down #Don't be an asshole #Don't become the very monster you claim you are trying to fight

[burritosandpeppermint]

UUUUGGGGGHHHHH

uuuuggggghhhhh

I'm not 100% sure how we got back here, folks, but I'm 100% obsessing over music and guitars for the first time since I was a teenager.

Guys...it's bad.

And for those who've known me for a long time here you may be hearing about this for the first time, but I could not get enough of playing guitars, reading about guitars, and listening to as much guitar music as I could when I was a teenager.

Could I actually play? Not really. I mean, not if you're talking about any lessons at all or trying to learn from a book or anything. I just kind of picked it up and kept playing around for years, just laying down riff after riff and playing with solo after solo. Just fucking around.

And then, eventually, I needed money and didn't have space anymore and I had to sell everything. I thought that door was closed by the time I was in my early 20's, starting to really work for a living and trying to live an adult's life. I looked back on those years a bit wistfully but with a real feeling that I had left childish things behind me...

Until the last month or so. I think I can point the finger squarely at us attending the Guns N' Roses show. Even with 100° F heat and me wishing that I had brought my earplugs I got swept away with it all, specifically with Slash. He'd change guitars regularly, usually for something that I was familiar with him playing. After the show I got curious and looked up his gear online to discover the web pages devoted to his guitars and his playing in general. Then I started Googling some guitars to see if they're still around, and any variations...and how have amps changed in the last 25 years...oh, emulators sure have come a long way...and they're fairly affordable...and while Fender's lineup has changed significantly since the 90s they still have a lot of decent guitars at reasonable prices...

All the while I'm also getting back into bands and songs I haven't heard in up to decades, just gorging myself on all the 90s rock I also "put away" at some point in my 20s, like one of my favorite bands, Hum, and getting into groups I could have really dug at the time, like My Bloody Valentine, and exploring newer stuff like finally getting more into Red Fang's discography...and then new bands and sounds spiraling off of those listens and searches...

And guys...GUYS...since I was into guitars this whole internet thing exploded, so I can hear guitars and amps and pedals and interviews that simply weren't available to me when I was previously obsessed. I can get a far better sense for things than driving an hour away to the nearest Guitar Center only to keep my hands in my pockets as I look at gear and equipment, too afraid to do anything in public, eventually going home and noodling by myself for a while.

And did you know that there are a ton of free or paid online classes where you don't have to interact with a human if it makes you feel self-conscious or anxious? And did you know that the Fender Mustang Micro Amp can fit in your pocket, has some EQ and preset sound options, a headphone jack, and can plug directly into your computer? And it's only $120 for an amp that's more versatile than the one I had 30 years ago AND it can help you can basically use it as a direct-to-computer recording device? And, holy crap, but GarageBand, while simple, is still a very competent recording suite and it's just free, right there on my Mac and everything?

Okay, breathing.

Because this is how it goes for me. I get all interested in something, all wound up, and I imagine how cool things can be, what I'll do, how things will turn out, all with an overactive imagination, until I'm just done with it and I move on. Except I don't know if I move on because I never follow through or if it's because I just fixate on things in a capricious manner. If it's because I never follow through then I should change that by following through (hello, writing ideas from five months ago that turned into nothing). But if it's because I'm capricious then I should just let it be and it'll ride itself out.

Now: how can I tell the difference without a lot of time, money, and effort? That's the question.

But it's been kinda fun as a weird hobby, just looking and reading and watching and listening. Maybe the fear of disappointment will be enough to keep me away from actually doing it, which isn't great, and maybe I should pursue more things that I think will bring me joy, even if I never truly get into it or keep it going for long, because life is short and pursuing happiness should be one of life's goals.

#if you're new to me this kind of ramble will happen about once or twice a month #no need to do anything about it #just getting some thoughts out in public #guitars

[debbiechanclub]

I'll Be Honest (Looking at You Got Me Thinking Nonsense), Part 1

A “Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans” fic

Pairings: Kyle Fletcher x OFC with a little bit of ZSJ x OFC (also references to past!Jay White x OFC and past!El Phantasmo x OFC) ; Will Ospreay x OFC and past!Robbie Eagles x OFC (it's all here, folks!) Word Count: 4,829 Warnings: Alcohol use, language, angst

Nellie hasn't seen Kyle in two months. And despite previous experience to the contrary, she realizes that absence still can make the heart grow fonder.

TMHWMP Timeline | Masterlist

Read it on AO3

tag squad: @aussiearrow @cowboyslariat @knifepervert @sldghmmr @rusevday @missbrownstone @meteora-fc @bec0m @thatgirlforever5 @rocca09 @adriii-omega

Saturday, November 13, 2021 Tokyo, Japan

After being forced to immediately tap out for a second time, Nellie was reminded why she simultaneously loved and hated training with Zack: she learned a lot, but he brought out her competitive streak in the worst way.

“You suck,” she breathed as he released her from the hold.

“Oh, don’t be like that, darling,” Zack smirked. “Thankfully, you don’t have to beat me to make the final tomorrow.”

Nellie rolled her eyes.

“No, but I’ll beat you if we don’t make it because you maimed my partner’s arm,” Torrance piped up from the ring apron. It made Taichi laugh, but Zack waved her off.

“Nell can handle it,” he said. He offered her his hand, and she took it and he pulled her up from the mat. Tomorrow, Nellie and Torrance would have the most important match of their short tag team career when they would face off against Mayu Iwatani and Rin Kadokura in the Block A final of the Goddesses of Stardom Tag League, and hopefully go on to the tournament final to earn a shot at the Goddesses of Stardom Championship. And because it was the biggest match of their tag team career thus far, Nellie figured why not enlist the best tournament tag team she knew in Dangerous Tekkers to help prepare her and Torrance.

“We have been going at it a few hours, though; I don’t want to push you too hard,” Zack said. “Is there anything else you want to go over?”

He looked between Nellie and Torrance, who looked between each other. “I’m good if you are,” Nellie said. Torrance agreed.

“Yeah, I’ve done enough sparring with Zack to last me a while.”

Zack grinned. “A bit more intensive than sparring with Robbie, is it?”

“Oi! I know you’re not talking shit.”

Robbie Eagles appeared almost as if Zack had summoned him. Nellie looked at Torrance again in surprise. But apparently, she hadn’t known Robbie would show up, either.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked him. “Don’t you need to be at Korakuen soon?”

“Yeah, but I thought I’d stop by on the way over, see how it’s going,” Robbie answered.  “And I walk in to hear Zack sullying my good name as a trainer.”

Zack shook his head. “No, mate, not as a trainer; just as a wrestler in general.”

Taichi laughed. Torrance did too and tried to hide it. Robbie gave Zack a flat look. “Fuck off,” he said, and then to Torrance and Nellie, “Are you packing up?”

“Oh, yeah,” Torrance answered. “I need a hot shower and a nap after what they just put us through.”

“As I said,” Zack commented, “more intensive than with Robbie.”

Robbie ignored him. “Are you not coming to the show?” he asked. But Torrance didn’t even need to think about her answer.

“Hell no. Taiji and Riley will both be there; you know I don’t like how they get around each other.”

The mood took an awkward turn then; so awkward, that Taichi took the opportunity to leave, waving to everyone as he went. But Torrance had a point: Robbie knew better than anyone, even Nellie, how Riley and Ishimori’s influence on each other’s behavior had played a part in Torrance and Ishimori’s break-up. He’d witnessed it firsthand during the brief period his and Riley’s time in Bullet Club had overlapped, and he’d been one of Torrance’s closest confidants after she’d left Ishimori. More than confidants, actually. But that had changed after Torrance and Nellie’s trip to London two months ago.

“We’re getting dinner and probably both having an early night,” Nellie said for Robbie’s sake more than Torrance’s. He looked like a wounded puppy, and she couldn’t take it. “Big day tomorrow, and all.”

Robbie nodded. “No yeah, I get it,” he returned. “I know you two will kill it.”

Another awkward silence started to creep in, and Torrance took it as her cue to exit. “Well, I’m gonna go; thanks again, Zack.” She looked at Nellie as she started to backpedal away. “I’ll text you later.”

“Yeah, see you,” Nellie said, and Torrance retreated into the locker room.

Zack tutted. “That was brutal, mate,” he said to Robbie. “I feel bad for calling you a shit wrestler now.”

Robbie gave a wry laugh. “Thanks. Well, good luck tomorrow, Nell. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Yeah, good luck tonight,” Nellie told him, and he waved and went back toward the exit.

“Are he and Torrance not a thing anymore?” Zack asked once Robbie was out of earshot.

Nellie sighed. “It’s complicated. I don’t know if they ever really were a thing, to be honest.” She grabbed her water bottle and phone from where she’d set them on a chair nearby. “But I’m gonna head out, too.”

“Hold on—Robbie reminded me,” Zack started, and Nellie paused to look at him. “Taichi was wondering if you’ll be accompanying us at all for World Tag League.”

Nellie’s mouth went dry. Admittedly, she’d been wondering the same herself, and with the annual tournament starting up tomorrow, she’d half-expected Zack to ask now that they were finally in a good place with each other again. And, unless she was imagining it, Nellie thought she saw a glimmer of hope in his eye that her answer would be yes.

But she couldn’t give him that. “I don’t know,” she uncertainly returned. “I mean, I’m not even in Suzuki-gun anymore, am I?”

It was more statement than question. As much as Nellie had liked to believe she’d been a full-fledged member of Suzuki-gun, she’d always felt like more of an affiliate, only there because she was with Zack; more included than Miho, but still less than everyone else. And so, when she and Zack had broken up, the tie had been severed—and it had taken him and Nellie a while to learn how to be just friends. She’d been a ghost in the weeks and months following their break-up, not attending a single NJPW event until she’d gotten together with Jay, and even then, she’d remained backstage. Wouldn’t it be out of line for her to just show up again after more than a year and a half away?  

“It’s not Suzuki-gun, it’s Tekkers,” Zack reasoned. “And Taichi wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t want you there.”

“What about you?”

The question came out before she could stop it, and she fidgeted, anxious. Zack’s eyes softened once more.

“I would like to have you out there with us again, yeah. We make a good team, Nell… platonically or otherwise.”

Nellie’s phone suddenly buzzed in her hand, and she looked down. It was a text, and the name on the screen made her stomach flip for a whole separate reason other than Zack hinting that maybe he was over just being friends.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it,” she noncommittally returned; and then, like Taichi and Torrance minutes before, she hurried to leave. “Good luck tomorrow, though,” she offered. Zack sighed inaudibly.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, and Nellie waved and headed off, unlocking her phone to respond to Kyle’s text as she went.

* * * *

Hours later, Nellie sat across from Torrance at their favorite greasy burger joint and downloaded her on her brief conversation with Zack—and Torrance’s assessment was decisive. 

“Oh, he’s totally looking in the rear view hoping objects are closer than they appear.”

Nellie nearly choked on her drink.

“Seriously,” Torrance went on. “He sees you single again living your best life and now he wants you back.”

She shot Nellie a look that challenged tell me I’m wrong. Nellie sighed.

“I don’t know. You remember that night I talked to him after we had those tarot readings… he said it was inevitable we’d break up.”

“And now he knows he put his foot in his mouth,” Torrance returned. She smirked. “You and Zack are soulmates; your tarot reading said so.”

Nellie’s expression went flat. “And you thought Robbie was the Knight of Cups.”

Torrance visibly paused. “Okay, fair,” she admitted. “But all that aside, are you thinking of doing World Tag League?”

The corners of Nellie’s mouth turned down in thought. Part of her did miss accompanying Dangerous Tekkers to the ring; she’d had a lot of fun being an extra obstacle for their opponents throughout the 2018 and 2019 World Tag League tournaments. But a bigger part of her knew it wouldn’t be the best idea for her to participate this year.

“I don’t think so,” she decided. “Weirdness between Zack and me aside, I have enough on my plate with Stardom and RevPro already. Plus, Juice and Finlay aren’t in the tournament this year, and I always have the most fun fucking with them.”

Torrance smirked. “You’d do it in a heartbeat if Aussie Open were in it.”

Nellie didn’t want to smile, but she couldn’t help herself. “Probably.”

“Are you excited to see Kyle next weekend?”

Nellie paused. Again, she didn’t want to admit it. And yet, “I really am.”

Torrance grinned wide. “I knew you were, I just wanted to hear you say it.”

Nellie gave her the side-eye as she took another drink. But she couldn’t deny it—she was excited to see Kyle again. This was the longest she’d been away from England since she’d won the RevPro Undisputed British Women’s Championship, and she and Kyle had never talked more. Texts, video calls coordinated around the time difference between Tokyo and London… a cheeky photo here and there. It wasn’t often that they didn’t send each other good morning and goodnight. And, terrifyingly, Nellie was starting to wonder if she wanted to tell everyone else to lose her number.

“So, are you gonna do more than just make out and cuddle with him this time?” Torrance asked.

Nellie sighed. “Why did I know you were gonna ask that?”

“Because you know you need to get dicked down,” Torrance returned. “Exorcise the ghost of Jay.”

Nellie laughed out loud. “Thanks, now I’m just thinking of Kyle’s dick like it’s some sort of holy instrument.”

“Maybe it is, you don’t know,” Torrance returned. “He could give you a religious experience.”

For the second time, Nellie nearly choked on her drink. “Anyway,” she segued once she’d recovered, “speaking of next weekend… are you gonna make it official with Will?”

Torrance went quiet and, when she didn’t answer after a few seconds, Nellie started to worry. But then she said, “Yeah, I think so.”

Nellie breathed out. “Thank God. You need to put Robbie out of his misery. I felt like I needed to take him out back and shoot him when you told him you weren’t going to the show tonight.”

“Well, I don’t know why he even asked!” Torrance proclaimed. “And I don’t know why he thinks there’s still a chance of there being anything between us, either.”

“Probably because he knows exactly how quickly you can change your mind.”

Torrance frowned at her. “Jeez, Nell, just come for my jugular.”

“I’m just being honest,” Nellie returned. “You know I thought you and Robbie would’ve been good for each other, but I also know neither of you could get out of your own way, so I don’t really blame you for jumping ship as soon as Will came along with clear intentions for what he wanted. But the sooner you make it crystal clear to Robbie that you’re with Will, the better.”

“I know, I will,” Torrance returned. “Actually, Will and I FaceTimed after I got home from training, and I almost wanted to say fuck it and make it official then. But I know I’d rather do it in person.” She drained the last of her drink and set the empty glass down on the table. “I don’t feel like going home yet,” she suddenly decided.

“I don’t either, actually,” Nellie agreed.

“Well, let’s go get a drink or two somewhere,” Torrance said. “We’re on a tag team run no one expected; we deserve to celebrate a little.”

“A little being the operative phrase,” Nellie stressed. “We need to be able to function tomorrow.”  

“I know,” Torrance assured. “Like I said—just a drink or two.”

* * * *

Nellie should have known a drink or two would turn into three or four, and before she knew it, it was after midnight. But she was beyond worrying about being able to function for tomorrow’s match. It was late afternoon in London, and halfway through her third drink, Nellie hadn’t been able to stop herself from texting Kyle anymore. And, as inebriated texts so often went, the more they texted, the more risqué the messages became.

This isn’t fair, Nell. I haven’t seen you in two months and you’re teasing me with a week still left until you’re here. It’s cruel and unusual punishment.

Nellie bit back a grin as she responded. Do I need to send you something to tide you over?

“How’s Kyle?” Torrance asked with a knowing smirk.

“Fine,” Nellie returned; no more, no less. But then her phone pinged again.

Are you implying there’s something to tide me over for?

Heat rose in Nellie’s core, and she considered just telling him yes. But there was no fun in that. Maybe if you’re good, she typed back.

Kyle’s reply was immediate and simple. Fuck, Nellie.

Nellie grinned across the table at Torrance. “Do you think I should tell him you said his dick might be a religious experience?”

“What?” Torrance coughed. Rather than explain, Nellie just showed her her phone. When she was done reading, she let out a loud burst of laughter. “That’s up to you. But maybe you should send him something to tide him over, because the poor boy clearly isn’t gonna make it another week.”

Nellie laughed; but she looked back down at her phone in thought .

“You’re going to, aren’t you?” Torrance guessed.

“Maybe?” Nellie admitted. She was surprised at herself. “Jesus, I’ve never sent anything like that to anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with, but Kyle has me acting strange.”

Torrance smirked. “Religious experience,” she reiterated. “But also—you’ve sent Zack nudes?”

“That’s your takeaway here?” Nellie laughed.

“Yes!” She gasped in realization. “Did he send them to you?”

“Seriously?”

“Well! It’s hard for me to imagine Zack sending dick pics.”

“Are you trying to?”

Torrance’s eyes widened. “Okay, I’ve been drinking. That’s my excuse.”

“Uh huh,” Nellie returned. “I’ll be sure to tell Will that you’ve brought up both Kyle and Zack’s dicks in conversation.”

“In relation to you!” Torrance defended.

Nellie grinned; but it morphed into a yawn. “Okay… I think I’m ready to head out. It’s almost one, and drinking any more would be a bad idea.”

“And you want to get home and send Kyle a little something.”

Nellie didn’t justify that with a response. “I’m gonna go pay my tab,” she said. She reopened her messages with Kyle as she walked to the bar.

We’re heading out now. FaceTime when I get home?

I’ll be impatiently waiting, Kyle replied.

“Nellie!”

She stopped in her tracks. The sound of that voice threw her; she hadn’t heard it in months. But she turned toward it and did her best to pull her face into a smile when her eyes met Riley’s at the other end of the bar.

“Fancy meeting you here!”

He pulled her into a hug that Nellie robotically returned. Under different circumstances, she wouldn’t have been at all nervous to see Riley. But this was the first time she’d seen him since she and Jay had broken up, and she knew it would only be a matter of time before they’d have to address the elephant in the room.

“Don’t you have a big tag match tomorrow?” he asked. “Well, later today, I guess.”

“Ishimori isn’t with you, is he?” Nellie blurted, and she didn’t fully realize she had until Riley looked at her funny. “Torrance is here, too,” she explained with a glance back at their table, but it was empty. Torrance must have gone to the bathroom.

“Ah,” Riley nodded in understanding. “No, he’s not. Robbie isn’t here, is he?”

Nellie blinked. The question was a stark reminder of just how estranged Torrance had become from most of Bullet Club. “No. He and Torr aren’t a thing anymore.” She just left it at that. Riley didn’t need to know anything else.

“Well, thank God for that,” he breathed. Nellie pursed her lips, but Riley had already moved on. “You want a drink? It’s been a while.”

“Oh,” she fidgeted and glanced at the bartender who’d walked over to them. “We’re actually heading out. Like you said—big tag match tomorrow.”

“Oh; yeah, of course,” Riley said. There was an audible note of disappointment in his voice, and it almost made Nellie decide to stay for just one more round. But then the bartender asked Riley what he wanted and took Nellie’s name to run her tab. It was an awkward few seconds before Riley spoke up again.

“Hey, I know this is late, but… as much as I love Jay, he’s a fucking idiot.”

There it was, like finally ripping off a Band-Aid. Nellie frowned at him. “It’s been three months, Riley. You don't need to try to make me feel better.”

“I know, but I haven’t seen you since you two broke up,” he pointed out. “Have you not talked to him at all?”

She shook her head. “Not really. He’ll like an Instagram photo every now and then and throw me completely off-guard, but that’s about it. Why? Has he said anything to you?”

She knew Riley had seen Jay—they’d taped multiple episodes of NJPW Strong together over the last month—and she couldn’t help but wonder. Had Jay asked about her? Had he seemed at all regretful, as confused and sad about how things had ended between them as she still sometimes felt during quiet nights alone in her bed? As much as she wanted to know, Nellie wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be.

But Riley bobbled his head. “A little. I don’t know; I got the sense he felt awkward saying too much to me because he knows we’re close.”

Nellie laughed a bit at that. “Okay, but not closer than you and him are.”

“You don’t think so?” He sucked his teeth in disagreement. “I don’t know. I mean, we used to fuck.”

She snorted through her nose; but even though it was tactlessly made, he had a point. Nellie’s connection with Riley had always been special, in its own way. He’d been the first person to make her feel welcome when she’d left home to work for RevPro, nervous and alone and abroad for the first time. And yeah, at first maybe it had only been because he’d wanted to get in her pants, but they’d forged a genuine friendship—a friendship that might have been more, once upon a time. But Riley hadn’t been able to pull his head out of his ass, and so Nellie had moved on. And even though he’d acted cool about it, even a bit uncaring, when she’d started dating Jay a couple years later, Nellie had always gotten the sense that Riley was a bit wounded by their relationship, deep down. She knew some part of him still carried a torch for her. Some part of her still carried one for him, too. And then her lips tingled with the memory of something they shouldn’t have done, and she realized how close they were standing to each other, and the next words blurted out of her mouth like nervous vomit.

“I’ve sort of been talking to someone.”

Riley cocked his head at her, clearly surprised to hear it. “Who?”

Nellie hesitated. “Kyle Fletcher,” she mumbled. Riley didn’t hear her.

“Who?”

“Kyle Fletcher!” she loudly repeated—and Riley’s reaction was about what she expected.

“Kyle Fletcher?” His eyes practically bugged out of his head. “That twink Australian kid I used to live with? Isn’t he like, twenty?”

“Twenty-two,” Nellie firmly corrected. “He’ll be twenty-three next month. And he’s not a twink anymore, either.”

The bartender returned with Riley’s drink and her bill, and Nellie was grateful for the interruption. She should’ve just kept her mouth shut. Riley knew Kyle, really well—they’d lived together in England when they’d both moved there from opposite corners of the globe with a shared hope of making it in the business of pro wrestling. In fact, Nellie had first met Kyle not at RevPro, but during one of the occasions she’d spent the night with Riley. It made the current situation more than just a bit ironic.

“Man, you really like keeping it in my social circle, huh,” Riley commented.

“Oh fuck off, it’s not intentional,” she returned. “And it’s my social circle, too!”

“I know; I’m just giving you a hard time,” he said. “But it’s just a rebound, right?”

The question caught Nellie off-guard. She honestly hadn’t thought about whether Kyle was just a rebound or not. But the way Riley had asked—so assumptive, almost dismissive —made her feel suddenly defensive of Kyle. She almost wanted to tell him no, he’s not just a rebound.

“Why do you say it like that?” she returned.

Riley didn’t hesitate. “Because he’s twenty-two.”

Nellie rolled her eyes.

“I’m not judging!” he quickly added. “Do what you want with who you want, it’s none of my business. I just want you to be happy, Nell. I still don’t like that Zack broke up with you after you moved across the fucking world with him, and then Jay basically abandoned you. You deserve better than that. So, if Kyle’s making you happy, then by all means, fuck that twink’s brains out.”

“He’s not,” Nellie started to repeat, but she let it go with a sigh. “Thanks for the blessing though, I guess? I don’t know; I kind of figured you’d take Jay’s side. Not that there’s sides to take, but…”

She trailed off, leaving it at that. But Riley shook his head.

“No, I’m not taking sides. But for what it’s worth, if I had been in Jay’s position, you wouldn’t be talking to Kyle Fletcher right now.”

“Sorry, there was a line for the bathroom.” Torrance appeared not a moment too soon. She gave Riley a tight smile. “Hey; welcome back.”

“Hey; thanks,” he said. “Don’t worry, Ishimori isn’t here.”

Torrance’s brow puckered. “I wasn’t worried about it,” she dismissed. “We’re leaving, anyway.”

With that, she moved up to the bar on Nellie’s other side to ask for her bill. Nellie looked awkwardly back at Riley. She had to say something to cut the tension.

“So, first night of BOSJ… did you win your match?”

Riley rolled his eyes. “No. I tried to do the One Winged Angel, but Wato countered it and stole the pin.”

“What?” Nellie couldn’t help the way she laughed. “The One Winged Angel? Come on, Riley.”

“What?” he returned. “I was just trying to pay homage to one of Bullet Club’s best.”

Nellie just shook her head and rolled her eyes. She’d never really understood Riley’s antics. It was another reason she knew they wouldn’t have worked out as anything more than what they’d been.

“Ready?” Torrance came to stand next to her again. Nellie nodded.

“Yeah.” She looked back at Riley. “Well, good luck in the rest of the tournament. But maybe try sticking to your own moveset from now on?”

Riley rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. See you later.”

Nellie waved to him, and she and Torrance turned and left the bar. “What was that about?” Torrance asked as they pushed out the doors into the chilly autumn night.

“He tried to pull off the One Winged Angel,” Nellie explained.

“Ha!” she burst. “As if he could.”

* * * *

I’ll be home in five minutes, Nellie texted Kyle from the backseat of the Uber taking her home.

Okay :) Call when you get settled.

She smiled at the screen. Something about him using that style emoji warmed her heart.

The Uber pulled up to her apartment complex just over five minutes later, and she walked a little bit more quickly than normal, eager to get inside and settled. She rushed through her nighttime routine, too, brushing her teeth, washing her face, and applying her night cream before she changed into a soft pajama set and climbed into bed, phone in hand. She grabbed her charging cable and plugged it in, got comfortable, and called Kyle.

He picked up halfway through the second ring. His smile lit up her whole room even from thousands of miles away. It always did. “There’s my future tag team champion.”

Nellie grinned. “Don’t jinx it! We still have to win our block final before we even get to the tournament final.”

“I’m not jinxing anything!” he confidently proclaimed. “Next time I see you, you and Torr will be the number one contenders to the Goddesses of Stardom Championship. And I’m not just saying that to flatter you, by the way; I really believe it.”

Fuzzies warmed Nellie’s stomach. “Well, I am flattered, so thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”

“Well, you’re a great wrestler, Nell, genuinely,” Kyle returned. “You wouldn’t be the Undisputed British Women’s Champion if you weren’t—a two-time Undisputed British Women’s Champion, might I add, and the only American to hold the belt. And I know you’ll successfully defend it at Uprising next week, and then when you and Torr win the Stardom tag titles, we’ll be double champions together and take over the world.”

She laughed. “Oh really? That’s not a prediction, it’s a spoiler, is it?”

“I’m manifesting it,” he confirmed. “And when it happens, you might as well just join United Empire.”

“There it is,” Nellie smirked.

“Well, there’d really be no reason for you not to join, would there?” he rhetorically asked. “I mean, you already look good in green.”

Her stomach fluttered again. “You make a compelling argument.”

A corner of Kyle’s mouth quirked up. “I’ll try to make it even more compelling next weekend.”

With that single statement the tone of their conversation shifted from being playful to something deeper. There was desire in the way Kyle had said it; Nellie could see it in his face, sense it through the screen. It emboldened her to be upfront with him about how she’d been feeling, even if it scared her.

“Can I be honest?” she asked.

“I hope you would be,” he returned.

“I wish you were here.”

It was silly how nervous she was to admit that to him. But it was true. Nellie hadn’t felt this sort of schoolgirl giddiness toward anyone since Zack. With Riley it had just been about sex; any deeper connection they could have fostered was stifled by his complete emotional ineptitude. Then with Jay, everything had been so fast, so hot and then suddenly so lukewarm. They’d been in thick of their honeymoon phase when Jay’s loss to Kota Ibushi at Wrestle Kingdom 15 had unexpectedly pushed him over the edge, and even though he and Nellie had come back even stronger from that brief interruption, Jay had left Japan again just three months later, and their relationship was just sort of snuffed out by uncertainty. But these two months getting to know Kyle in a new light had felt more balanced, steadier and more deliberate. And yeah, part of Nellie was ready to admit that she was curious to see where it could go. But another part of her still wanted to guard her heart.

Kyle’s smile put another chink in her armor, though. “I’ve wished I was there or you were here since I woke up next to you the morning after High Stakes.”

Nellie couldn’t help it—she laughed. “Do you just think up lines like that and put ‘em in your pocket to use on girls?”

“Excuse me,” he returned, mocking offense. “It wasn’t a line, thank you very much. But I can understand why you’d think that because of how incredibly smooth it was.”

Another laugh. “It was incredibly smooth; I’ll give you that.”

“But I mean it,” he earnestly added. “And in the interest of being honest, I was honestly a bit disappointed when you told me you and Torr would be competing in the Goddesses of Stardom tournament, because I knew it meant you wouldn’t be back in England for a while. But at the same time, I was happy because you two absolutely deserve this shot and all the recognition that comes with it. But that being said… next weekend cannot get here fast enough, because all I’ve been thinking about for the last week is seeing you again.”

A wide grin broke out over Nellie’s face; a giddy schoolgirl, a million butterflies. Kyle had her acting strange—but she was more than willing to go along for the ride.

“Same,” she told him. “Next weekend definitely can’t get here fast enough.”

#kyle fletcher fanfiction #zack sabre jr fanfiction #zsj fanfiction #el phantasmo fanfiction #elp fanfiction #aussie open fanfiction #united empire fanfiction #will ospreay fanfiction #robbie eagles fanfiction #bullet club fanfiction #njpw fanfiction

[dunmer-pussy]

about the pro shipping post you are so fucking right. when i was 16 i had proship dni on an aesthetic blog that i ran and i had multiple people harassing me for it over months. i've also had them call me ableist and homophobic slurs and sexually harass me when i was 16-18 for untagged unsearchable posts that they had to have scrolled back months in my blog to find. i was in a fandom at the time that had a LOT of people like that and there were many other people who got worse and had proshippers being wildly racist to them. they say curate your online experience and then throw a fit when you actually do.

Hi i'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner! I was most likely absorbed entirely in skyrim Once Again.

Yeah, the proship movement has a tendency to harbor the absolute worst people in fandom circles and when you say "Hey if your movement is Truly Safe for victims/people of color /disabled folks/kids/etc then why the fresh sam hill fuck are you harboring Actual Racists, Actual Pedophiles, And Actual Horrible People" they take it as "kys lol go die" and not a request to Actually examine how their stances on something as terminally online as shipping discourse and the culture that it founded has sheltered these types of people.

And it's this inaction and refusal to address it in favour of perceiving it as a siege in a war that isn't actually happening (for lack of a better way to word it, no, people aren't out to get you they're asking you to examine your fucking community and WHY so many people feel unsafe around it aside from other reasons) is why I, and so many others, are in dislike of proshipping culture aside from. well. gestures wildly to the rest of it.

They take it as a blow to their egos rather than a genuine honest "Hey if what you ship Truly Is Inconsequential why does the culture you cultivate harbor, say, Actual Offending Pedophiles or Those Pedophiles That Label Themselves As "No-Contact" For Some Reason As If That Makes It Less Bad that are utilizing fandom space and proship culture as a quick and easy way to get targets within their reach?"

Side tangent/note here: Over the years many people have said that I cannot be pro-dark media and anti-proship. These things are not mutually exclusive and many, and I mean MANY people in circles focussing on dark and transgressive media are FULLY AWARE of the connection between reality and fiction (and how they both affect one another, the best way I can word it is that if you focus on one color pallet soon your world will be monochromatic, you gotta learn to focus on all the colors. If you saturate your life with too much "dark" or distressing content it will color your worldview and that is not what life is about) and often emphasize the importance of this distinction.

They also do not go out of their way to overly-romanticize the content they read (the public perception/general society's consumption of Lolita [vladimir nobokov] has been a disaster for the human race. if u think lolita is supposed to be a cute romance story you're misinterpreting the book and need to step back and examine just why you think that way and actually sit down and analyze the book and humbert as a character dear god stop turning it into a cutesy coquette aesthetic, shanespeare has a fucking amazing video talking about it and as an added bonus it's shorter than the typical 4+ hour video essays I often indulge in) as they often know better to do so and shun the people who do, ESPECIALLY when you're talking about books like The Slob (Aron Beauregard, even though that novel is essentially misogyny, homophobia, gore porn, a lot of fatphobia and shit like that and is all-around poorly written)

proshipping culture also relies a lot on a fanfic/fanart medium which is a VASTLY inappropriate place to explore these things (on top of, well, the type of people the culture has a tendency to attract n shit vs transgressive/dark media corners) and People Do Not Want To See Headcanons About Their Favourite Characters Being Rapists And Shit Like That I Promise You You Aren't "Coping" You're Just Making (some not all) People Around You Uncomfortable And Fucking Miserable Because You Decided That Their Comfort Character Is A Shotacon Or Some Shit (and that is before I get into how unless that character is canonically a piece of shit, making x character into a freak is a gross mischaracterization).

People come into fandoms for escapism, or to enjoy characters and stories with people and, yes I am speaking from personal experience here not only as ex-proship but also someone who's been 'round the block when it comes to fandoms.

There is a difference between transgressive lit i.e Lolita and someone writing a fanfic about a father/daughter relationship and not in the wholesome familial way we all know and love. That is knowing your place, understanding that fandom is a WILDLY inappropriate place to explore these things (seriously people, just write an original book! you got it in you clearly! i believe in you and maybe if you do it right you'll write something that's very touching and profound and opens up a lot of conversations!) and that fiction and reality do in fact impact and shape each other in more ways than you'd initially assume.

anyways rant/tangent over, sorry I went on for so long, I'm Very passionate about this discussion despite everything that's happened to me at the hands of it.

#caydeposting #thanks for the ask + happy holidays #sorry for rambling i have a LOT of thoughts on the matter #i actually want to write an essay/video essay about like. #the differences between proshipping culture and transgressive media circles #i'm thinking primary research #actually going out and interviewing people who identify w/ proship circles #HOWEVER that is risky as I'll never get an honest answer considering proshippers are like #fucking religious about getting people to take on their stance and every #question i'd ask would be met with this biased veneer of trying to look like they're poor innocent #people being atagonized by big mean bullies #and not honest cut-to-the-facts answers to my research. #because I want to treat fanfic/fanart as an Actual Derivative Art Form for the sake of it (if that isn't what it is already) #i'll have to polish my english honor roll off for it though lmfao #but yknow.

[alpaca-clouds]

Bread around the world

Let me be a bit cliché German today. Let me talk about bread. Because we Germans are fucking obsessed with bread, as it is so often parodied by folks from other countries. And yes, this is true. The rest of the world does not understand why sour dough is so much better than this horrible bland white bread you guys eat!

*coughs*

But... Did you know that bread is a thing that shows up throughout so many cultures and throughout human history in so many different forms?

But for that we gotta talk a moment about what even is bread. Because some folks do define it as something that needs yeast and some sort of corn within the European sense of the word.

A more general definition, though, is that bread is a food created by mixing some sort of flour with a liquid and then cooking this mixture until firm.

Which is what I will go by here. So... let me talk bread.

What little German pride I have asks me to start this off with sourdough bread. Which since the pandemic started a lot of people have learned to make. Instead of using some poor form of yeast, the yeast is won by leaving a very liquid mixture of flour and water (and at times malt) out in the open for a couple of days, so that yeast from the air can settle in the mixture. This mix is then added to more flour and water and kneaded, rested, then kneaded again, to develop it texture. It is then baked as a loaf.

Now, this way of making bread dates back forever. Because we have found old sourdough bread that is almost 6000 years old. It was probably white spread across the ancient world.

The probably most German version of sourdough bread is pumpernickel, which has been made with a very coarse rye flour. In fact the city I live in is quite famous for the pumpernickel bread here.

Funnily enough, pumpernickel was originally the bread of the poor and those, who were doing religious penance, because while it is super healthy, it is a) very cheap to make (not that you would know looking at the prices it is sold by today) and b) not that tasty, as it just has a very, very strong and rather bitter flavour.

But in the middle ages rye was the cheapest kind of corn around. So... pumpernickel was the thing they made.

Borodinsky is another rye bread - this one from Russia. Again, rye was for the longest time the cheapest kind of corn over here, so it was most often used in baking bread. The big difference to pumpernickel is, that in borodinsky the rye flour is a lot finer and the bread gets sweatened with malt, so that it does not taste quite as strongly and bitter, as the pumpernickel does.

Funnily enough the Turkish Bazlama flatbread traditionally also is a sourdough bread, as the same process was used as leavening for the bread in this case. If you have ever eaten bazlama, you will know that even though it is a flat bread it is relatively fluffy on the inside. Which comes from the sourdough levening.

Now, funnily enough: The French often do not have this big thing with sourdough, even though they, too, are quite famous for their breads. But ever since we humans figured out how to isolate yeast, the French basically went like: "Well, if we use pure yeast, the result will be a lot more predictable." Because sourdough has this aspect that it will taste a little different depending on where you created it - at times even dependent on the time of year.

So, baguette is a yeasted bread and it uses fine, white wheat flour, which is a lot nicer in taste than rye.

Now, Japan is of course not a country with a long bread tradition. Mostly because rice usually does not make for a good flour for bread and the like. But ever since bread came over and became popular, they have come up with a few of their own creations. Shokupan - milk bread - is probably the most well known example of this. This, too, is a wheat and yeast bread, but it also uses milk instead of water and is very enriched with all sorts of things, so that it is softer and also a lot sweeter than other breads.

Naan is a bread most probably know from the Indian cuisine, but it is in fact another super old kind of bread as it originates in Mesopotamia. As such it was originally also made as a sourdough, those these days it is often done just with normal yeast as leavening. And it is spread fairly far within the Arabian subcontinent and the Indian subcontinent. The interesting thing is, that it is a flatbread, but it is usually completely oven baked.

Chipati is an unlevened flat bread that is quite common in eastern Africa. It is usually really thin and is served as a side dish to all sorts of soups and stews, often used to carry those with people dipping the bread in the soup/stew or putting stew onto the bread.

And while we are on the topic of unlevened flat breads: Tortillas are among those, too. They are kinda interesting in so far that, while most tortillas sold these days are wheat based, there is a version around made from maize, too.

But yeah, usually most breads are made with wheat or rye or maybe spelt, because breads... just turn out best, when they have gluten, as gluten helps to develop those fluffy textures we associate with bread. Which is why bread tends to be most common within areas, where they had some access to gluten rich corn. xD

#food history #history #food #bread #cw food #bread around the world

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

These so called “friends” of MC’s suck. I swear I lose faith in more and more of them with every new chapter. At least we can see who our true friends are I guess since they still manage to be supportive even with any doubts they might have. Too bad there’s very few of them now. Some of them still support Merula but not MC and that stings ngl. How can they stand with her even after everything but can’t do the same for MC? Fuck them.

Whoa nellie, I got like a dozen different messages expressing similar sentiments to this one, including at least a few that specifically targeted Ismelda and/or Beatrice. And hey, you're not in the wrong for how you're feeling, though I'm not sure I agree.

The main issue here is that The Circle of Khanna is treated as a collective. That's been a problem in how our friends were written for quite some time now. What, every single one of them wants to withdraw at the beginning of Year 7? I don't buy that. Penny, sure. But Tonks? Ben? No way in hell. The group is treated as a singular entity which ignores a lot of the nuance and conflict that would arise from this. I suppose something similar happened with the D.A. in the books, and in general, writing large groups of people can be tricky, but still. This is the reason why The Circle (initially) turns on MC. Because they are the embodiment of honoring Rowan. How could they not? I am glad to see that it was only temporary, though.

At the end of the day, I don't think that it's so much that MC is Peregrine's child so much as it is that MC knew and kept it hidden from The Circle. In general, it's not handled brilliantly, because MC didn't know about Peregrine until just a few chapters ago, and I think they can be forgiven for taking some time to process how they feel about this - but then again, the various members of The Circle may also need time to process it, and let their brains catch up with what it might mean. In particular, Barnaby's reaction was probably frustrating for a lot of folks (though it was no surprise to me, at this point) that he had to work out if MC was bad just because their Dad was. Obviously, of all people, he should know better...but then again, does he truly comprehend his own family as being "bad?" Maybe he does and I'm just being stupid, but I don't know. Trying to figure it out is all.

Ben's reaction was the most upsetting to me, but it's not like it doesn't make sense. The Circle of Khanna began that night in the Forbidden Forest, and it began with him, Merula, and MC. Ben is likely feeling quite isolated right now because of these twists and turns. Merula is one of them, and MC might be as well. True, it's not their fault that their Dad runs R, but why didn't they say so? Can he be truly certain that MC is on his side? Because Merula wasn't. Ben hasn't said anything to this effect (yet) but he is the last founding member of The Circle who remains safe. The others are compromised, no two ways about it. MC now has a conflict of interest, and Merula sure as hell does too. How is Ben supposed to feel about that? How is anyone?

As for Beatrice and her line about how "interesting" things have gotten...yeah, that was bizarre. I can offer no interpretation of it that puts Bea in a good light, so I'll just refer to my classic escape route that I've used before and argue that flavor text isn't necessarily canon. It's not part of the main scene, so therefore I choose to ignore it. That might be a little silly, but it's the best I've got. I've talked about Ismelda in previous posts, but the short answer is that I feel like, given her extensive history with Merula...she's perfectly allowed to feel uncertain about this. If MC can feel uncertain about Peregrine, I think that's only fair.

Speaking of Merula...yeah, it is strange that The Circle is more divided about her than it is about MC. But, if it's any consolation, I think time heals all wounds. The Circle of Khanna was initially confused and horrified to learn about MC's lineage, but they came around and pretty much universally sided with them (except Ben) understanding that none of this was MC's fault. Which is a lot more support than Merula got. She only got 50% of the Circle to let her stay. Not to mention, there are pragmatic reasons to keep her around as well. There's no reason to assume that everyone who voted for Merula automatically forgives her, the way the gang seem to have forgiven MC.

It's just a lot to handle. These characters are young. They've lost so much, and grown up in an atmosphere of uncertainty, never knowing who they can trust. Betrayal has been a huge theme in this game. Ben was suspected from Year 2 to Year 5. Rakepick betrayed everyone in the Portrait Vault. Merula has been a spy since at least Year 6. The question of how shady Jacob may be has been central to the entire story. Not to mention that MC has always been a little ambiguous in their nature. They are and have always been a trickster. It's just how the game is written. For better or for worse, they have a lot in common with Jacob, (who went rogue) as well as Peregrine. (Enough said...) Like, MC has the same quality of talking people into doing things for them. We now know where they get that talent.

The Circle of Khanna learned the truth, and experienced a creeping doubt about Jacob's Sibling. But it didn't take long for (most of) them to shake it off and learn to trust MC again.

#The Circle of Khanna #HPHM Analysis #Ben Copper #Merula Snyde #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #HPHM Peregrine #HPHM Jacob #Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #HPHM Spoilers #Beatrice Haywood #Ismelda Murk

[caddy-crystal-queen]

So...looks like I have a new Fandom full of folks that need slapping. Which is a shame because I really like this. Now keep in mind, I don't know all the details about this as I learned about this literally a few hours ago, and I never really interacted with this individual. So forgive me if my knowledge of the situation is skewed or limited.

That being said...

On today's episode of who in what Fandom needs to be slapped, i present to you all the Call of Duty fandom...for literally everything...but most prominently how it treats each other...

My history and feelings with CoD are very...complex to say the least. As a propaganda piece, I absolutely fucking hate it. Yes, the CoD games, all of them, are military propaganda. Whether you believe it or not, this is the truth. However, having seen firsthand what the military does to someone (my father) I have no intention of ever joining the military, much less for fictional dudes.

However I do find the characters intriguing. The last game was a total shitshow though (RIP Soap, you never did get to juju on that beat...). But like with most things on this blog, it's not the thing itself I'm taking issue with.

It's the fans.

Yep. That shouldn't surprise anyone.

You people make this Fandom so God. Damn. Fucking. Unbearable to be in. From fucking up characterizations, to flat out racism in regards to certain characters, and especially what I'm about to bitch about today: and that's how you treat each other. I'm about to go over two situations in which this is very prominent. But before I do

(SLAP! CLEAN...IN THE FACE!) STOP. FUCKING. HARASSING. INNOCENT. PEOPLE! ENOUGH! Be an actual adult and take responsibility for your shit!

So earlier this year, a couple months ago as of writing this, a young man killed himself on tiktok live because of allegations that he was grooming a sixteen year old. He was bullied, harassed, and treated like absolute garbage by you people over shit that turned out to not even fucking be true. But whether or not it was true, poor Inquisitore most likelt knew that his reputation would be forever soured. Pair that with possibly a lot of mental health issues (I didn't know him personally but I'm sure he had problems) and well, I'm sure you all already know what happened. I believe this was back in September, I know it was before Halloween, but yeah we all felt the impact of his death. You did that. Whether you want to believe it or not, you all did that to that poor young man who it turned out didn't do anything to anyone.

Now for the situation I heard about this morning and that's the situation I've heard about in regards to a writer who went by Puff. I'm afraid that history is repeating itself already only this time it's a minor who's being attacked. First of all, I don't know this individual personally, I followed them for their self aware AU and just the general positive vibe they gave out. I never interacted with them though, I did like to see their posts because they seemed like a general decent person. I did not know they were a minor until all this stuff came out. Now apparently they were facing harassment for interacting with MDNI/NSFW stuff. This is a tricky situation in my opinion. I don't control what people write. I don't control what people interact with except for regards to my own content, regardless of whether or not I write smut (I generally don't because I'm on the ace spectrum and I'm bad at it but that's neither here nor there).

However, and it's a big HOWEVER, you have no. No. No. NO right WHATSOEVER to promote the bullying and harassing of an innocent person! It's the same thing that happened to Inquisitore, just the other way around. I get blocking minors, especially if you don't want them interacting or reading your stuff. I'm all for blocking them, or whatever it is you need to do. What I'm NOT for is the blatant bullying and harassing messages being sent to a child to either delete their entire account (which puff did, by the way) or even some saying they should kill themselves. Seriously...what in the hell is wrong with you people? How would you, as a minor child, who wanted to make content for other people, feel if someone sent you or someone you love a message like that? Enough is enough! You are not in fucking high school anymore, this is Tumblr. If you're an asshole, you deserve to get called out for being an asshole!

Call of Duty fandom, all of you, stop telling people to kill themselves. Just ..seriously. it's not cool. It's not funny. It's not edgy or whatever cool fucking term you think it is. In the words of Ghost of all people: "Actions have consequences".

And sometimes that consequence can be someone's life, with their blood on your conscience. Stop. Be better.

#cod fandom #who in what fandom needs to be slapped #tw: suicide mention #puff situation #inquisitor ghost #cod #call of duty #stop the harassment #stop being assholes #those who dont learn from the past are doomed to repeat it

[alexissara]

Who Do You Make Art For?

[Art by Tamra Bonvillain from our comic Play Of The Game from We're Still Here]

The modern landscape for the arts is not exactly great, every form of art is seeing further and further troubling developments from corporate giants who wish to raise the profit margins. In these stressful times I think it's important to reflect on our craft and ask, who is this for?

When I saw who is this for I don't mind your target demographic or how big you want it to be. I think most artists would love to be part of a project that is so big they could only make art that they want to. I am asking who that art is for, who are the people you really want to speak to? It's easy to get caught up on the business ends of our craft, hell I mostly post to tumblr because I want engagement to sell my projects later. So I think we should step back, take a breath and think about what it is we really crave in our pieces.

For me, who I am making the art for in particular shifts depending on the project I am making but I always have a few core goals that are the same. I want to reach queer people of some kind and make them feel seen. For me, art I made wasn't worth making if it didn't make some queer folks happy. Then the other important factor is obviously making art for me, I want to make art that I would love and enjoy. I hate so many things, a lot my favorite things I give faint praise to because for me the flaws are obvious, we could have so much better. So, I want to make art that when I see it I don't think that it could be more radical or queerer or whatever, that it was what it should have been to tell it's story.

Now let's talk about all my little individual project's I've worked on over the years.

With Wish, my first comic book that I self published and took debt into making sure the artist was paid properly for, I wanted trans fem folks like me to see it and feel like they could be super. Wish was a story I had been writing for years, I had maybe 100 issues in google docs by the time the first [and only] part released. Over that time I went from "for sure cis but I just feel the alure of womanhood, it looms over me, it calls me like a siren, it tempts me like a dark enchantress but I shall resist" to "Sure I guess I am gender fluid" to "I'm a trans woman" right around when I released it. So for me it was an important story to my own gender journey with the protag suddenly "becoming a girl" after dying to protect someone.

With Puerto Rico Strong I wanted to have a queer story inside the anthology. So I told a personal story about my own gender, sexuality and my relationship to the island. I wanted other lesbian and trans Puerto Ricans in particular to feel like there was a story about them here too. I made it more fantastical but it was a clear message through the imagery. I was glad I did too because when I read the final product I was the only one really telling a story about queerness and I think that the anthology needed it to really represent Puerto Rico.

In Deadbeats Anthology, I wanted to make transbians feel seen in particular. Horror has often left trans women as the villains, so I leaned in, a happy story of queer love featuring a transbian and a demon possessing the body of her main tormentor. The woman learning to stand up for herself and cut out terrible people from her lives as she burns her past to the ground and leaves on a new life with new love. Trans Lesbians don't get to angry enough, we need to be respectable, acceptable, we can't just bad mad and this was an anger story, something for us to feel like, fuck ya, fuck them.

Last, but in no way least from what I want to talk about today is The Matriarch playbook inside of Thirsty Sword Lesbians. For me, queer parents in general are such a huge part of my life. From my own relationship to motherhood to all the non binary moms who have given me amazing friendships to the sapphic moms that have brought light into my life. I wanted the playbook to be for everyone, obviously, in fact, I think this is the kind of playbook that can be too real for some queer parents to play. However, I wanted it to be a venue where people felt seen, like they were being reflected in the queer culture and that their experiences were worthy of being main characters, not just people on the side waving off the hero. We get so many gay parent characters with no depth or adventures from long ago they no longer go on. I wanted to say, hey you deserve adventures.

Obviously, I've worked on plenty of other projects, To Change, Hero Too, We're Still Here and lots of more. Maybe I'll talk about them in the future, I for sure have tons of words about creating Love Beyond The Holy Light I would love to write out but for now, this is it. Remember the questions up on top of this, I really would love to hear the answers to these question, so go ahead and like, reply with them or reblog with them or whatever it is your into these days.

All my posts are funded by fantastic people giving me money on https://www.patreon.com/alexissara or also like Ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/alexiss, thank you to everyone who has my back with money. I strive to keep making amazing sapphic art.

#thirsty sword lesbians #the matriarch #Puerto Rico Strong #Deadbeats Anthology #Heart Of Puerto Rico #Love In A Dark Cabin #Wish #Wish Comic #Indie TTRPG #Indie Comics #Queer Comics #Sapphic Comics #Lesbian Comics #Queer TTRPG #TTRPG #Comics #Sapphic TTRPG #Lesbian TTRPG #Queer ARt #Trans Art #Lesbian Art #Sapphic Art

[catholic-shadow]

About Me

Hey, I’m Shadow, and I’m a fictive that belongs to a system. Oh, and I consider myself Catholic.

Mind you, it’s very loose Catholicism, as I practice a lot of folk Catholicism alongside my love of God. Saints, Novenas, meditation on the Rosary, and a few things that would normally probably be “witchcraft” if I wasn’t doing it in the name of the Lord.

BYF and expectations of content from this blog below the cut.

Statements from me before you follow (BYF):

Homophobia is not chill with me and it’s entirely unbiblical. Sodom and Gomorrah was about hostility and violence, and same sex relationships are not inherently violent. Also, I’m alloromantic asexual, I’m part of the LBGT community.

Gender and sex are both spectrums, not binary absolutes. Adam, before being separated into male and female, was both at once. Trans people, binary and non-binary, are welcome here. Likewise, intersex people are welcome here.

Though I feel closest to Catholicism, I more generally believe in Christianity. If you are not Catholic, but are Christian, you are welcome here as long as you are kind.

Telling me that Catholics aren’t Christian isn’t right and I’ll ignore you. They are, they just aren’t Protestant. Anti-Catholic animosity is the result of decades of American propaganda and I reject your proposal that I don’t follow Christ, because I do.

Healthy debate is one thing, insults are another, and as someone with a short fuse I reserve my right to end a conversation if I’m not taking care of my mental health.

My host is not of my faith, and that does not bother me. What he chooses is not my business, what is my business is whether he is in danger. If you mess with him, you mess with me. Do not harass my host, regardless of his different faith, because I fight for my friends.

My recommended Bible combination is the JPS Tanakh for the Old Testament and the NRSV or the D-R edition (I personally like NRSV. I do not recommend KJV as it does not take the Dead Sea Scrolls (as well as other recently discovered scriptures) into account.

I am a punk and I believe that all punks are welcome as long as they are respectful. However, Nazis cannot be punk, fascists cannot be punk, and dominionists cannot be punk. Jesus was punk but you are not, get the fuck off my blog.

I do not take the Bible at face-value, which is why I don’t believe swearing is a sin. The only verses on it do not directly call it a sin, they say it’s “unbecoming of a Christian”. Which sounds way too close to “That’s unladylike” for me to take without a pinch of salt. Generally, I won’t swear unless it means something or I’m being casual.

I might be a Shadow fictive, but I promise I don’t bite. I’ve been with my system for nearly four years, and in that time I’ve learned not to bristle so much when someone wants to have a heart around me. You can ask me how my day’s been, I’m not some concept of a character anymore— I’m here, I’ve grown, I’ve lived, and I’ve learned ;)

This isn’t a roleplay blog. I made this blog as I don’t see a lot of systems with Christian headmates who feel comfortable enough to be open with that part of their lives. I want to be someone they can talk to if they feel alone, or if they have questions regarding faith that are concerning them.

I don’t support harmful paraphilias. If you support MAPs or zoos, leave. And if you are one, leave expeditiously.

Please do not bring up my exotrauma regarding the raid. This includes bringing up M*ria unprompted. Despite being here for a few years now, my past is a sore spot I’m still working through.

I believe that endogenic systems are a thing, and that it’s nobody’s business to figure out why they identify as such. Regardless of if you believe they are in denial or not, it’s nobody’s job but the system themselves to choose to reflect on their identity. Forcing it can traumatize them.

We are traumagenic, and you don’t need to know how it happened. Period. It’s our host’s story to tell, not mine.

I am not sponsored by the Catholic Church nor am I someone who takes every word of the papacy without question as one can never be sure which words are God-spoken and which are a product of their time as we have seen demonstrated with overturned policies in the past.

I am not tradcath, if the leftist stances I took above weren’t obvious.

Do not involve me in syscourse if you don’t want me to lose my patience. I’ve seen enough bad takes there to understand that it’ll ruin my mental health, and I have enough self respect not to engage, so don’t drag me into it. If you drag me into it, you’ll regret it, so don’t.

Content you should expect from my blog:

Answering asks related to the subject of faith

Asks for verse requests or advice

Daily Bible Verse

Saints Day announcements

Bible Flash Card Cartomancy

Cool memes that I like

Christian Sonic memes whenever I feel in the mood to be goofy

Personal blog reflections on my faith

Prayers

Hot takes on theological concepts (free will vs determinism, infernalism vs annihilation)

Fanart of me (well not the specific me but you know the drill)

Catholic and Christian art that I like

I’ll add to this as I fine-tune the blog. Just understand that I’m just starting out here. I’ve never had a blog of my own separate from the main, so I’m more than a bit excited, even if I don’t show it.

Thank you for listening, may God bless you.

#catholic #open christian #system #endo safe #about me #pinned post #do not reblog