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e-milieeee · 4 years

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haunted

Summary: When Gabriel goes a step too far, Plagg has decided he’s had enough.

Meanwhile, Gabriel Agreste has discovered that his house may or may not be haunted, because a vengeful spirit certainly seems to be after him.

Notes: basically plagg being a little gremlin and trolling gabriel like he deserves. ft. gabe’s 3 remaining braincells. based on this post by @hamsternamedmarinette and @snail-noir im sorry its so crappy lol

haunted

“Well,” Adrien is saying as he trudges inside the room and kicks the door shut. “There’s that, then.”

Plagg flits out from his shirt. His face is set in an angry mask, tail sticking straight up. “That’s that?” he echoes. “No, that’s absurd! Your father’s absurd! He should come back here and I’ll give him a piece of my mind and—”

Adrien squeezes his eyes shut. “Plagg, it’s fine. Forget it.”

Plagg makes an angry noise in the back of his throat. “So you’re just gonna take that? For weeks? He has no right.”

In his hand is the piece of paper—now crumpled—that his father had shoved into his fingers before he stormed off: the schedule for the fashion show. It runs for a week, but there’s also a terrifying amount of preparations to be done two weeks prior—all of which his father had decided he needed to be present for.

“I can’t risk making father angry,” Adrien settles with.

Plagg folds his arms. “Fine,” his kwami says curtly, in a manner of speaking that Adrien always finds hard to argue with. “Hypothetically speaking, then, if your father found out his plans had been cata—destroyed, would you be allowed to go out?”

“Plagg, I’m not going to break into my father’s study as Chat Noir to cataclysm his work just so I can go out with friends.”

Plagg smiles at him. It’s the smile Adrien had often gotten before he’d discovered the toilet paper in his washroom all scratched up and littering the floor. “Don’t worry,” comes the reply. “You won’t have to.”

***

Gabriel Agreste’s study is locked, but that doesn’t prove a problem for the small black shape that slips through the doors like they’re made of nothing more than mist. It’s dark, but cats have always seen better at night anyway.

There, on the top of his desk, lies the designs for the first set of clothes that are to be showcased. Meticulous notes. Fabric samples. Timing and schedules. Signatures and contracts.

The small, black cat picks the folder up with two paws. Then it crumbles into dust.

***

“Nathalie, did you touch the folder on my desk?”

It’s been a long morning—Gabriel had been up at 4 AM in an attempt to see if he could get an edge on Ladybug and Chat Noir. It had been horrendous to find someone to akumatize so early, and by the time he’d pinpointed his victim—forty five minutes later—he had nearly fallen asleep. He’d been pummelled by Ladybug and Chat Noir. Absolutely pummelled. And then, as if the situation couldn't help but get worse, Audrey Bourgeois had called him at six (just when he was about to go back to bed) and told him she couldn’t make it to the fashion show.

That woman had no regard for timezones. And no regard for him, either, because part of the marketing for the fashion week was Audrey’s attendance.

Gabriel was considering akumatizing himself when he realized the manila folder on his desk—that had been there when he left the night prior—was nowhere to be seen.

He searches through all his files. Crawls under his desk. Checks his lair. It's gone.

“Nathalie!” he bellows again, and she comes barrelling through the door to his office.

“What is it, sir?”

Gabriel takes a deep breath. “Have you seen the files for the fashion show? It was in the folder on my desk when I left.”

“Sir, I haven’t been in your office since last night, and I’m certain I saw your files there. Are you sure you haven’t misplaced it?”

Misplaced it, yeah. That’s what it was. Probably.

Now, what he needed was a nap.

***

The files do not turn up. Gabriel sends Nathalie to print them out again. The most important stuff is stored on his computer, but there are signatures he’d spent weeks getting.

He locks the files in his drawer the next time he gets it.

***

Tuesday morning finds Gabriel Agreste feeling much more refreshed. He even joins Adrien for three minutes during breakfast.

He walks into his office to find his favourite coffee mug in smithereens on the ground.

The files are still stored safely in his drawer. But there is a big, ugly tear across the dress he’d been working on for the past three months.

Gabriel screams.

***

Gabriel Agreste isn’t a fan of security cameras in his office. Especially because anyone with some hacking ability could possibly get their hands on the tape, and the last thing he needs is someone seeing him descending into his lair, or opening the safe behind his painting. Really—there’s simply too many sketchy things he’s done in the office for him to trust putting a camera there.

But he installs two of them nonetheless. His coffee mug could be an accident. But that rip on the dress? No, the only explanation is that it was intentional. But how?

Gabriel thinks of possibilities until he gives himself a headache.

***

“Father seems stressed lately,” Adrien notes to Plagg. There’s not much time for himself between busy schedules, but the moments in between he catches to talk to his kwami. The past week, stuck alone in his room with barely any interaction with his friends, has been draining. He cherishes the precious minutes he gets to spend with Plagg.

“Does he?” Plagg asks in a tone of practiced disinterest. “Well, he does have that really important fashion week thing coming up.”

“He asked me if I’d broken into his study a day ago, but he always locks his study. I think some of his files were missing.”

“Oh?” Plagg replies. “That’s terrible misfortune.”

“Father says he thinks a thief snuck in in the middle of the night and stole them, but we have security cameras all around the house and nothing happened.”

“Spooky.”

“Plagg…”

Plagg only shrugs. “Perhaps your house is haunted,” he replies disinterestedly. “Good thing you’re not scared of ghosts, Adrien.”

***

The house is haunted, and Gabriel cannot sleep.

The most terrifying part of watching the footage is that he sees nothing. There is no movement. No nothing. But then, the next morning, his files inside the locked drawer have disappeared.

Nathalie asks him about the dark rings around his eyes. He drinks two more cups of coffees in response.

***

Gabriel’s eyes are burning, but he’s determined to stay awake.

He likes to think himself neat and meticulous, but even he has his breaking point—his desk is littered with coffee cups, and he’s resorted to drinking energy drinks to keep himself awake. There’s less than ten days until the fashion show starts. It’s been so heavy on his schedule that he’s barely found time to akumatize three three people the past week.

Ladybug and Chat Noir must be having a field day while he’s sitting miserably in his office, waiting to catch the thief, too exhausted to summon up more akumas.

The clock ticks past midnight. Gabriel nearly faceplants into a coffee mug.

Another cup of redbull.

By the time it’s two in the morning, nothing shocking in particular has happened. Every time the flashing light of a car drives past the front of the house he starts, sits back down, and struggles to keep his eyes open.

It’s 2:04 when a crash sounds outside of his office.

Like a madman, Gabriel scrambles up from his seat. He knocks over a half-finished mug of coffee in the process, but that doesn’t matter. The door of his office slams open. He trips on a rug. But he gets up and runs like he’s never run before.

With all the force he can muster, he slams his palm down on the light, and the once-dark staircase and hall become bathed in golden light. The chandelier flickers twice and he stares down at the hall with half the mind to wonder if he’s going to finally see the ghost.

Gabriel is the only one in the hall.

He checks once more. Then again. Then again. But there is no one there, no source of the crash—

Oh, no.

The painting he’d bid at an auction twelve years ago—one that had cost a fortune—has fallen off the wall and face planted into the floor. The sight of it physically hurts Gabriel, and he’s scrambling towards it in a mixture of fear and anger when another noise sounds in his office.

In the months of being Hawkmoth, Gabriel Agreste has felt a generous range of emotions. But never has he felt such bone-chilling fear.

He heads back up the steps with robotic movements numbly. Down the corridor. Into his office.

There is no one there, and the mess that has been made is moreso his fault than of the invisible thief—or ghost—but then Gabriel sees one of his locked drawers open and the contents inside dumped unceremoniously on the ground.

The next day, when Nathalie finds him out cold on the ground, he attributes it to the exhaustion and the amount of coffee and energy drinks he’d consumed. But deep down, Gabriel knows that it’s the terror that’s finally caught up.

Either way, he faints.

***

Gabriel is confined to bed by a very concerned Nathalie. She usually heeds to his instructions, but the rare insistence from her and his own fatigue lands him out of commission for the day. It doesn’t stop him, however, from giving her a set of instructions.

“First, my office,” Gabriel croaks. His throat hurts—he must’ve caught a cold as well. “Please clean everything up and reinstall the locks. And then… and then…”

He thinks of the missing files—three times—and grits his teeth. “Cancel the fashion week.”

Nathalie’s jaw drops open. “Sir—”

“I know,” Gabriel mutters. “I just… I’m left with no choice. I’ll reschedule. Make up some excuse.”

She dips her head. “Noted, sir. Is that all?”

Gabriel gives her a miserable nod. She’s halfway out the door when he remembers.

“Nathalie!” he yells. “Get me a shaman, too.”

***

“The fashion week is cancelled.” Adrien looks up from practicing piano. “Father is sick, I think, which might be why. Nathalie looked super stressed when I saw her before my lessons.”

“Cancelled?” Plagg echoes dispassionately. “Huh. That’s too bad, I guess.”

“No, that’s good! I mean, it’s not good that my father is sick and Nathalie is stressed, but… at least I won’t be hounded about preparations. I even got permission to go out today.”

“Huh,” Plagg replies. He settles himself into his wheel of cheese. “I guess you’re lucky after all, then.”

Notes: yeah idk what i wrote but master fu is the shaman they hire and he finds out gabriel is hawkmoth and arrests him and the end if u wanna know what happens next

Here’s my fics masterlist!

#miraculous ladybug #gabriel agreste #plagg #adrien agreste #ml #nathalie #hawkmoth #plagg is mvp n i dont take criticism!#mlb fic #my writing #tag this gabenath and i hunt u down

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thedumbguywithaheart43 · 3 years

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BoomLords weird adventure

Chapter 5 reluctant companions

Rairty spoke up."excuse me darling what is the crazy stallion saying?"Twilight was spaced out for a moment trying to process what she had just done. Apon realizing Rairty was speaking she snapped back to reality."what oh Rairty. Sorry uh he was talking about me helping him to uh shit"She blinked, wincing as she couldn't get the thought of what she had just done out of her head. She didn't intend to create Rose fire in fact in that moment she had wanted to kill him to render the flesh from his bone, it was as if another creature had entered her head for a moment and fueled her rage."I think I have to go with him."before she could explain why."WHAT ARE YOU TAKING ABOUT HE JUST MESSED WITH YOU AND THE PRINCESSES HEADS!"rainbow yelled."I merely showed them what they wanted to know however to be honest I didn't expect this to happen. I had been looking for the rose fire in every world every terrifying, every cruel, and every unforgiving place in the Omniverse. But it turns out all I had to do was accidentally induced fear and rage into a horse."the pony stared at him for a moment."He's telling the truth and now that we know what's at stake we have no choice but to help."Celestia stated her tone was dark however as if she was doing something she wasn't so sure she wanted to."h-how long until it happens?"Boom and Celestia stared at each other for a moment. It was clear Boom really didn't want to answer this."could be days could be another year time works differently for me but if I had to give a rough estimate maybe a year or two or less."Celestia took a gulp of air as she looked to her fellow ponies. She looked as if she was holding back tears."my little ponies I ask no I beg you all to go with him this is no longer a matter in my control and I cannot force you to partake in this. What he is asking is dangerous beyond anything any of you have ever faced and while he may only require Twilight I would never send my student alone into what I was shown."this time no one spoke not even dash because when princess Celestia tells you shits about to go down it's going to go fuckin down. And in unison without hesitation without regret without fear all the ponies and Spike responded"were in!"boom looked at the group of ponies a look of discontent on his face."fuckin great I'm babysitting a whole party."most of the ponies ignored what he said with the exception of rainbow dash and Applejack."hey no one asked you"dash got in his face while AJ got close next to her."yeah that's right and don't think we're going to take our eyes off you for a minute partner. Not after what you just pulled.

2 spike walked over to the stallion cautiously"so how are we leaving? I mean you said we had to leave."well you see that's why I'm going to need my notepad and Pen also my satchel if you don't mind."a look of confusion re-entered the faces of everyone."oooo are you gonna draw us amagical portal to another dimension?"pinky blurted out as a few of the others started to chuckle."actually that's a pretty accurate assessment of what I'm about to do, in fact spot on."Twilights jaw nearly dropped as BoomLord began scribbling on the paper. Boomlord had drawn a nearly perfect circle on a piece of the notepads paper and in the center of it wrote the words, °home space°as he took the pen off the paper another electric golden ring started to form, the area within beginning to blacken about 10 ft away."okay everybody we're about to leave but don't worry I can send us back to this exact point in time give or take a few minutes so while we may be gone for who knows how long to the princesses it will only be a couple minutes."Boom that hope this comment would calm them however they're confusion only broaden. 'God how are they going to react when they all change'

3 boom was the first to enter the portal then Twilight followed by Pinky, rainbow,Applejack, rarity Fluttershy, and lastly young Spike. Boomlord looked down at himself. He was human again his blue jeans and thick yellow hoodie once again with him. Pulling back the sleeve he saw that the green fur that once covered his body was gone replaced with his light taned skin. Okay I hope everybody's ready for some exposition and descriptions. Boomlord looked back at the ponies first up was Twilight she had grown into a human form unsurprisingly. Her mane or I guess her hair had stayed the same she had fairly pale white skin and a few smalls freckles adorning her face she was also fairly short compared to Boom. Boom knew his height was about 5'7 give or take so Twilight had to be about 5'4 or 5'3 she wore a purple t-shirt and a darker purple skirt with pants to go with it all put together with very nice sneakers which all the girls have with the exception of rarity and Applejack. Pinky on the overhand was definitely much taller than Twilight in fact she was about the same height as boom. She wore a striped blue and pink shirt with a polka dot skirt and light pink leggings she had average white skin no major tan or anything although she did have pink nail polish on. Dash was next she still had her rainbow hair but she was on the shorter end with Twilight only being a inch or so taller along with fairly tanned skin as if she's been spending her days at the beach. She wore a plain blue sleeveless top and jean shorts her wings were also noticeably missing the same with Fluttershy. Speaking of Fluttershy her outfit was rather green she wore a green t-shirt with a yellow peace symbol on it and long jeans. Additionally in her hair she had is a flower crown witch she probably took off, besides that her skin was also fairly tanned. Applejack definitely took the show with her outfit she was wearing thick brown leather gloves and a brown leather vest with tassels on it. Underneath the vest was a plain white shirt covered in bits of brown dirt, and long stylish cowboy print jeans and good old-fashioned cowgirl boots. Applejack skin was also the most tanned being she was definitely the one who spent the most time outdoors. Also she and rainbow dash were the only ones with noticeable er muscle growth as even through their outfits they still kept their physical physique. Applejack and Fluttershy we're definitely the tallest of the group with Fluttershy being 5'8 and Applejack being at least 6'2.Lastly of the girls we have rarity wearing a clean white shirt with stylish blue diamond print in it, and a rather long dress to accompany it. Along her neck was a rather lovely diamond necklace and alot Lower down beautiful high heels. She also had the darkness pigment of her skin when compared to everyone else. Also sorry if that's not politically correct I'm not entirely sure what the correct term is now. Do feel free to let me know. As soon as the girls walk through the portal though most of them with the exception of Twilight who seemed almost familiar with the sensation of walking on two legs fell to the ground."oh no whats happing?"Pinky yelled and she started crawling on all fours along with Fluttershy. Dash and Applejack were occupied with balancing themselves on a desk next to them and rarity had somehow crawled her way to a sofa and dramatically pose."oh darling what has happened to us?"boomlord rolled his eyes as he knew he was going to have to teach them how to be human it also occurred to him where the hell was spike.

4 Then he saw it or well him. Unlike his fellow ponies Spike didn't turn into a human and no he did not turn into a dog. This isn't Equestria girls guys turning into a dog is really dumb and I already have one in the story. Spike's body had remained reptilian however he's noticeably taller now at least about Twilights size inner current form his body seemed to get longer and his claws along with it. His face has narrowed Abit becoming far more similar to his dragon freinds with the exception that he had a much longer neck which allowed him to survey his own body. Put it simply he looks more like what a small dragon would look like in our world if they existed."woah I look really cool!"spike yelled in excitement."ponies don't talk where I'm from so the portal has adjusted your body's to something a bit more familiar to me that I have set and in Spike's case I already had something in mind for dragons." Ponies now began to look around their surroundings. They notice they seemed to be in a rather decent sized living room a few desks a television ,yellow rug, a few lamps. The room seemed mostly normal only the walls and floor and ceiling all looked the same. It looks like the inside of a treehouse and where there was a window there was no... Well anything just an empty void."welcome to my home away from home a little place I made outside of the Omniverse and what I like to call free space, basically this entire place is an extension of a thought everything here with the exception of a few items were made from nothing. No magic and no magical effects can be taken here with the exception of the notepad so sorry girls but your wings and horns are temporarily unavailable don't worry when we go to other worlds you should be able to use them."Twilight rapidly blinked as she didn't expect well boom to look rather nice. He still had rather unkempt hair and the rings under the eyes but here the black in his eyes were gone however his irises remained red and gold. He had a warm smile or a warm fake smile and while definitely wasn't the biggest guy around he still had a rather fit physique. And the rarity was the first to comment on that"oh boom darling you look um..... Better than I would have thought."boom roll his eyes."well im far more comfortable like this."the girls who were having trouble standing took a few minutes to themselves to start copying the motions of Twilight who began pacing."uh hey are we safe here."like asked while moving around the girls who were rather surprised to see him as they did not expect such a change."spike looking badass today."rainbow dash teased.spike blushed slight as Boomlord spoke."well girls work going to have to set some ground rules since it looks like you'll be staying with me for a while."

(Oh one more thing because I know you're all wondering or at least some of you are wondering.

Breasts size from largest to smallest :Applejack dd followed by pinkie and Fluttershy then Rairty.twlight has the average size and rainbow dash is flat but that doesn't make her any less of a woman)

(not sure why I felt the need to put that there but I feel like some people just had to know)

#fanfic #mlp #writing #comedy #slightly saucy

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hellishvu · 4 years

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Imagine BTS: if you two are on vlive together

— aha first imagine request of the year (i think), this was fun to write! we need some wholesome content to cleanse our souls from the smut FKAKD but enjoy it and be safe and wash your hands luvs <3

warnings: alcohol mentioned, drunk behavior, and swearing (taehyung’s imagine)

Kim Namjoon:

“Bye Jungkook!” You wave at Jungkook due to him coming by your live keeping you company since you started a live by yourself. He assumed you wanted some company. Humming a small song while you read the comments.

Suddenly you heard a loud knock following up with a familiar voice “Darling are you in there?!” Namjoon yells on the other side of your studio. Getting up from your chair you warned ARMY you were going to be back. “Y/N I saw your notification and I was going to walk in but I felt like since you just joined and moved here” Namjoon lifts his arms full of snacks from his childhood and his present favorites. “Taste test!” Namjoon grins.

“Thank you for welcoming me baby.” You kissed him on the forehead letting him in your studio. The comments went insane once they saw Namjoon join in. Seeing the viewership skyrocket and the hearts go wild. You didn’t feel less appreciated since you were just introduced.

“Hello everyone! Thanks for making my boyfriend feel at home.” Namjoon sets the snacks on the table seeing a picture frame with the group having a welcome party for you. He couldn’t stop the fond memory from reappearing.

“So the snacks! Let me see!” You peeked at the bag seeing the colorful bags. Namjoon pulls out the first bag seeing the bag pink and having a cute little doodle on it. Namjoon not letting you see the label of it, he pours some in on a plate and passes it to you.

Grabbing the chip, you placed it in your mouth seeing your tongue start to scream from the heat of the adorable chip, widening your eyes Namjoon starts to crack up. Quickly grabbing your water bottle you drank as much water as you needed to recover from the volcano in your mouth.

“Why does the packaging look literally so adorable but the chips want to kill me!?” You huffed out wincing still from the excessive amount of spice. “You ate these when you were young?!’ Namjoon was still laughed at you while you just wanted a nice snack.

“No! I can’t breathe.” Namjoon says trying to breath. “Here’s an actual snack.” Namjoon passes you a little candy finally putting it in your mouth you felt your mouth increase in saliva. Smiling with the tastiness of the sweet candy.

“You’re forgiven.” You kissed him, Namjoon able to taste the sweet candy in your lips grinning.

Kim Seokjin:

“Okay never have I ever, right that’s the name of the game?” Seokjin raises his cup of noodles. Slurping on the savory noodles.

“Yeah, it would be fun. Plus ARMY can get to know us more.” You gestured towards the camera while kicking your feet on the other empty seat.

“You start.” Seokjin wanted to get a taste of the game before he asked a question. You nod sipping some water.

“Okay... never have I ever, stole someone’s underwear.” You wiggled your eyebrows seeing Seokjin put his finger down.

“I don’t wanna talk about it!” Seokjin raises his hands while you tilt your head.

“I had to! You know when we traveled and I didn’t pack enough but you always bring so many! So I borrowed-” Seokjin tried his best to explain his side of the story despite how it seems.

“You’re just like Yoongi!” You laughed loudly as Seokjin looked away from the camera. Embarrassing himself he kept eating his noodles.

“My turn!” Seokjin yells out, you still catching your breath.

“Never have I ever pulled an all nighter.” Seokjin sees your finger go down. You ate some of your meal before going into detail.

“The maknae line wanted me to stay up with them to play some game. Last time I looked at the clock it was 1am and then later light came in through the windows.” You get chills from that night, the lecture you got from Namjoon after being exhausted was terrifying.

“Let’s have it be ARMY’s turn. Ask us a question.” You spoke to the camera while you waited for responses.

“Never have I ever been in love.” Seokjin read out while you put your finger down turning to Seokjin. Seeing his finger was also down, you couldn’t handle the cuteness while you pouted.

“What?” Seokjin asks while you turned to the camera and back to him. “You love me?” You ask while Seokjin scoffs grinning.

“Of course I do. I love you.” Seokjin kisses your forehead while you cover the camera.

“This is becoming too cute holy shit.”

“Don’t curse!” Seokjin lectures you while you lower your head. “I forget!” You chuckle while Seokjin takes you in his arms. The camera uncovered seeing the very wholesome scene.

Min Yoongi:

“Special live today Army! Very special.” You rub your hands together planning your surprise event. Before going into the event, you asked how they were and saying hello.

“Now you must wonder; what is ‘Y/N’ going to do? Well I’m cooking for Yoongi. Very scary considering it’s the first meal I’ve cooked for him.” You show the printed recipe the picture showing the nicely presented noodles. The large grocery bag on the kitchen counter filled with the freshest ingredients you could find at the grocery store.

“He is a bit under the weather so I thought I would make him something warm!” After explaining what you are doing you called Yoongi down, he saw the camera set up and you gestured him to be off the camera view. He looks at you gratefully. You knew he didn’t want to be on camera right now.

“You’re cooking for me?” Yoongi asks his voice sounding groggy while you showed the recipe. “Do you want me to help you?” He asks while checking you had the right materials for the ramen. You grab the bag from him waving your finger. “No this is for you! I can do it!” Yoongi snickers from your overdetermined to make him happy.

“Please don’t burn the house down.” Yoongi teases watching you chop up the vegetables. “Is this for a special occasion?” Yoongi asks wondering if he deserved this, this small act of compassion from you. You lifted your head up realizing that Yoongi was serious, muting the mic on the camera you walked to him. Wrapping him around your arms pulling him into your chest. “I want to cook for you baby, you don’t have to do anything special in order for me to show just how much I love you and appreciate you for all you do for us.” Yoongi looks up from your chest his eyes shining.

“Thank you, now go back and go cook for ARMY.” Yoongi pecks you a kiss.

“Okay back to cooking! Sorry!” You giggle finding the vegetables you were cutting just a minute ago.

“You forgot to boil the water.” Yoongi points at the empty pot and the stove that was off. Looking up from the cutting board you quickly started that, seeing him chuckle at your simple mistake.

“Okay so how exactly do you make ramen?” You raise your eyebrow, not wanting to make something Yoongi wouldn’t like.

“I’ll tell you how to do it my favorite way.” Yoongi gestures you to get the seasoning in the upper cannot. “Sorry I didn’t make it myself.” You apologize while Yoongi brushes it off, still finding this small gesture huge in his heart.

“Being made by you, makes it 100 times more special even if it would’ve been packaged ramen.” Yoongi blows a small kiss at you while you smile at him.

Jung Hoseok:

Hoseok wanted to make sure he was live once and a while seeing that it was quite empty lately due to how busy they are being idols. Hoseok told the other members including you that he was going to go live last minute.

“Hi ARMY, how’s it going today?” Hoseok waves at the camera seeing all the comments filled with love and hello’s back.

Hoseok talked about his daily life and how his projects are going. Also bringing up, you a couple times without giving personal information. “All the members are busy so they can’t stop to say hello.” Hoseok frowns continuing to talk.

Hoseok suddenly hears the door being knocked. He jumps in his chair from your loud whines. Hoseok raises his eyebrows hearing you.

“Let me in! Let me in!” You knock once again, seeing people walk by his studio.

“Y/N! Aren’t you working?” Hoseok calls out leaning back in his office chair giggling.

“It can wait!” You pressed your body against the door Hoseok able to see your smooched up face against the door.

“Tell the ARMY I love them!” You scream through the door while Hoseok turns his head to a bunch of comments telling him to open the door.

“I’m coming darling I’m coming.” Hoseok chuckles opening the door to you still pretending you were against the door.

“Thank you!” You kissed him while he scoffs giving you a hug. He grabbed another chair for you to sit in while you wave at the camera.

“How’s work going?” Hoseok asks while you turn to Hoseok getting comfortable.

“Namjoon says we are making progress but it’s gonna take some more time. Yoongi likes the song though so I’m glad I can make him happy.” You gave him a flash drive of the rough draft of the song.

“I’ll give it a listen later, it’s a secret from ARMY.” Hoseok winks at the camera, while placing the flash drive on his desk.

“Did you leave mid session to join me?” Hoseok blushes while you nod. Hoseok suddenly hugs you and kisses your cheek.

“I didn’t want you to be alone.” You pat his back giving a smile.

“I love you more then anything.” Hoseok whispers, these small actions make his heart burst with love. Actions speak volumes to Hoseok, and he couldn’t imagine not being with you.

Park Jimin:

“Baby.” You kiss his neck basically being that annoying couple showing physical attaction at any second. “I’m live, army don’t want to see this.” Jimin giggles leaning on your head while you were in the crook of his neck.

“Look they want to watch it, right? Right.” Looking up from his neck seeing the comments flooding with “cutie” and “i love you two”.

“Army be honest with us!” Jimin starts to uncontrollably giggling. You tickling him on the couch him barely able to hold the camera.

“Stop tickling me! Y/N!” Jimin pushes you off out of breath from laughing. You kissed his forehead before going back to the vlive.

Jimin reads the comments on the live about how you look at him with love eyes. “He does?” Jimin speaks out turning his head to see you completely hypotinzed from his beauty. “Baby.” Jimin snaps you out of it.

“Huh?” You blink a couple times before Jimin smiles widely at your own love eyes. Jimin kissing you on the cheek while you get flustered.

“I love you.” Jimin softly spoke while you held his hand under the camera. “I love you too.” You leaned on his shoulder while the comments went insane.

Jimin attempted to read the comments but before he could finish they would get drowned out from other comments. “I can’t read what they are saying.” Jimin tells you while you also try to read the comments.

“What song should we play?” You ask Jimin while he clicks on the playlist he made for you. Playing one of his favorite songs on there.

“We should dance!” Jimin jumps up from the couch while gesturing you take his hand. When you got up you moved the camera to the side of the room able to see You and Jimin.

“Don’t drop me.” You say while Jimin winks at you. “You’re talking to professional dancer me. I wont!” Jimin starts slowly with you before he attempts to spin you.

“Spin the other way.” Jimin instructs you while another attempt you two successfully did a spin. You enjoyed being in Jimin’s arms as you kissed him.

“Alright this is turning into a private lesson between me and Y/N.” Jimin chuckles towards the camera while he waves at the camera. You joining him.

“Wow they really don’t want us to go!” Jimin giggles at your comment still waving. Covering the camera you kiss him again off camera.

“Back to dancing?”

Kim Taehyung:

“You called me?” Taehyung peeked his head into your live, having a really nice black outfit looking like a million bucks in a casual outfit.

But then again when does he not?

“Wow you look good, whats the occasion?” You spoke out to him, seeing him get a bit flustered and grin. “I just got back with the boys not too long ago. I missed you though.” Taehyung pulled you off the live camera view and kissed you. “Missed you too.” You lowered your hands to his waist seeing Taehyung raise his eyebrows.

“We should go back before they think we are actually fucking.” Taehyung snorts grabbing your hand and shoving you back on the chair you were on. Taehyung joining you with a bottle of some Soju.

Drinks were shared and trivia answers were made that neither of you could answer half the time. The army watching enjoying this a little too much seeing their idols have a fun relaxing time.

“Isnt it Y=MX+B?” You sipped on your wine glass filled with Soju, Taehyung hugging you laughing. “We are stupid.”

“Why are they giving us hard questions? Give us like ‘name Taehyung’s favorite everything.” You snorted actually trying to remember Taehyung’s favorite things. Taehyung turned to you expecting you to answer.

You started to name most such as color, food, artist, game, etc blanking out sometimes before answering again with more favorites of his.Taehyung actually impressed that you paid so much attention to detail about him. It was a nice fuzzy feeling that the alcohol didn’t create.

Knocks were heard from the outside of the hotel room, you got up and wobbled there and saw Namjoon on the other side.

“Uh oh.” You looked at Taehyung and signaled to cut the cameras and end the live seeing a very angry Namjoon crossing his hands. “Alright goodbye army! Thank you for all your support and we love you.” Taehyung quickly announces his goodbye ending tbe live.

“Love birds open the door!” Namjoon bangs on the door, you open the door with Taehyung behind you resting on your shoulder clearly drunk out of his mind.

“Namjoon! What time is it?” Looking for your phone you patted on your pants seeing your pockets were empty. “It’s 3am.” Namjoon grumbles in his sleepwear and walks in to see bottles of Soju empty.

“Go to bed now.” Namjoon points at the bed, seeing you and Taehyung giggle at eachother. Face hot of alcohol and Taehyung blushing stripping off his black clothes before jumping on the bed.

Namjoon chuckling before leaving the room, making sure you locked the door. You and Taehyung shared drunk secrets and some drunk tears but at the end you had an amazing night with the one you missed so dearly.

Jeon Jungkook:

“Y/N! Come on the live!” Jungkook yells from his hotel room, you peeking out of the bathroom door. Your hair wet and your face fresh. Jungkook tilted his head and smiled giving you an indirect sign to hurry up.

“Give me a minute!” You yell out closing the door, Jungkook turning his head back to the camera snickering. “He’s going to be a bit late.” He leans towards the camera seeing the floods of comments pouring in.

“Tell him to come out anyway?” Jungkook read the comment out loud being flushed before shutting it down. “Only I get to see that. You guys get him on stage and what he shows there.” Jungkook winks going back to the comments.

You open the door, running the towel through your hair before setting it down and walking towards Jungkook, wrapping your hands around his shoulders giving him a bear squeeze.

“Baby.” You whisper in his ear kissing his neck. You gave a quick glance towards the comments seeing many “hello’s” and other people freaking out about the relationship.

“What did ARMY want? Hello! Welcome to our vlive. I apologize for showing up a little late.” You rubbed the back of your neck, grabbing a quick chair from behind you to sit next to Jungkook. “How was everyone’s day?” You ask trying to read as many comments before they get pushed away from the other comments.

“What did you plan to do this live?” You ask Jungkook turning. He was playing with his playlist deciding what music to play. “Hmm I wasn’t quite sure.”

“How does Jungkook’s lips taste?” You read widening your eyes, glancing at his lips before answering “like heaven”. Continuing to try to see the good questions you found another “How does touring with your boyfriend and band member work out?”

You passed on the question to Jungkook. Allowing him to think about the question before answering he finally replies with. “It’s a bit double edge sword, yeah I see him everyday and we are working towards our passions together. But on the downside we can’t really go out or when we come home we are exhausted and worn out.” Jungkook explains while you paid great attention to him nodding along with his points.

“Do you two cuddle?” Jungkook repeated a question.

“Of course I wouldn’t survive without him cuddling me to sleep.” Jungkook chuckled at that question, seeing that how much you two cuddle it’s like you were glued together.

“We should do a cuddle stream.” You suggested the idea seeing Jungkook be turned off immediately, questioning how it would work.

“How would we do that?”

“Like this!” You grabbed him from the couch, draping him over your shoulder while he yells out to put him down. Settling him down on the bed you went back to the camera waving “Goodbye! Have an amazing night and day!” Cutting it off for the day.

tags: @innamjesusipray

#bts x male reader #bts imagine #kpop x male reader #bts mlm #kpop mlm #bts hyung line #bts maknae line

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Note

Hi and hello! I just recently found your blog and im really really happy that i did! I love your fics about levihan (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) anyways... i wanted to ask you if i could print my fave fic of urs? Its for personal use only! I promise!!!! I just prefer re- reading them while holding it as if it is a book.... and i want to put it in my bookcase together with the other fics about my other otp's... but it is ok if you won't allow it! I understand 😊😊😊😊 thank you!

Hi Anon!

Omg, even though people have mentioned it before, I’m honestly still surprised people wanna reread my word vomit fanfiction and it gets me so warm on the inside getting stuff like this.

Of course, feel free print my fics if that makes you happy! I mean as an avid fanfic reader I leave my fics posted because I’m hoping others can enjoy something too. So I guess it’s a gift to the fandom and as long as it’s for personal use, feel free to enjoy it how you want.

I just have a few requests (which are not for me really, but for most other content creators as well)

My first condition really is you just keep credit where credit is due when printing fanfiction or even just sharing the fic (particularly when quoting) like just keep that author’s name down there under the title or if you’re reposting or tweeting, make sure to link or make sure to keep the author visible.

I personally don’t mind having my stuff quoted or shared without my name or link under but I just think that separating an author from their work just sets a dangerous precedence.

For one, I believe all content creators should be appreciated for the hard work they do and appreciation isn’t so hard anyway since it’s just a small name under a title right?

Also as a reader and as a research geek, I just like knowing where my stuff comes from for further reading. I’m in love with sources. I read footnotes and bibliographies when I read papers and I like opening up blackholes of articles over one lead. So something to take note of.

And pls ask permission from the the content creator

The reason behind this is because writing fanfiction brings about some legal issues due to copyright especially when money is involved. I mean guys, we’re just lucky Yams isn’t Anne Rice 2.0

Because of that, Not all authors and content creators are open to this because they understandably want full management of their works and in case companies decide to tighten their grip on copyrights etc, a lot of authors are ready to take down everything. (But ao3 is working hard to make sure this doesn’t become reality so please appreciate the ao3 legal team)

So it will be very much appreciated if you ask before you repost or print (or not really if it’s for personal use but for credit’s sake just keep the author name visible) so at least authors are aware where their fics are and readers are aware who wrote it.

I don’t really know if other authors and artists are uncomfortable with the links of their works being shared but one way I do go about resharing is I personally think it’s okay to just drop a link on a post or a tweet, no previews, let the readers go to the website where it is actually posted to see the actual work.

Okay, for me, you don’t have to ask anymore. I dropped all my stuff on ao3 and tumblr knowing full well this is a public domain. My only condition is really if anyone reshares or prints my stuff, as long as there’s a link or there’s credit I honestly don’t mind.

I would probably still appreciate it if people asked though since I like knowing where the fruits of my blood, sweat and tears go but I probably wouldn’t mind too much if I just found some reader one day with a physical copy of my work.

Just don’t earn money from it pls.

But it’s not the money issue, I don’t mind the money too much and I never intended to earn money at all word vomiting into ao3 and I never plan on monetizing my fandom activities really. I’m more scared of the legal implications involved with adding money to the mix.

Wow, this ended up a long post. Sorry for digressing.

But yes, you may print my stuff. You may share my stuff. Just as long as credit is due and as long as the original posted in a link. If you plan on reposting my actual content, i would appreciate if people asked permission but low key I probably would laugh it off if I found some of my stuff posted online.

Personally, I’m more terrified of the legal expenses and setting a dangerous precedence than the actual reposting of my work.

Sorry if this went in all directions at once, I recently found a fic I wrote back in high school recently reposted to another website under a different author and this ask kinda had me thinking about that.

Like I didn’t think too much of the reposting, I just laughed it off and I ended up thinking ‘woah, I’m actually worth plagiarizing asdfghjk’ because it’s been years since I actually wrote for that fandom? But I know that a lot of other content creators would definitely not be okay seeing their work under a different creator or posters name without proper credit so I’ll put my foot down with the PLEASE CREDIT just because I want all other authors and artists appreciated and given the proper credit and respect as well.

On a side note...

Just to share, I have something similar to what you have anon. I keep an ebook library on my ebook reader of my favorite fics. There’s this app called calibre which works similarly to itunes in making it loads easier to organize fic. And since ao3 makes it incredibly easy to download ebook files, I would just download them, organize them in calibre and push them to my kindle.

So, most of the fics I reread rn, are also on my kindle and for people who don’t have the means to print or line them on a huge shelf, putting the fics on calibre and just pushing them to an ebook reader like a kindle, almost simulates the whole book reading experience since the kindle has a paper white interface and the backlight can be turned off. (Not sure with other ebook readers since I’ve always been a kindle gal)

I actually have my own personal physical book compilation of all my favorite Levihan fanfictions (with all authors permissions granted) on my shelf right now and I will be keeping it for a very long time so that one day I can indoctrinate my children into the levihan cult.

I’m glad you enjoy my fic! (Out of curiosity though anon, which of my fics do you actually want printed?)

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musashi · 4 years

Note

i had a crummy day too so i feel u. have you ever visited a volcano (if not what’s one you’d like to visit?)? what’s your fav pet you’ve ever had? besides wobbuffet, was there a pokemon you bonded with most as jessie? what’s a detail about james that didn’t find its way into dte that you want everyone to know? how’s your rewrite going, and do you still have plans to print a physical copy? do you enjoy rewriting? what’s your favorite part of the writing process? feel better dude ♥️

i hope you feel better! ;o;

have you ever visited a volcano (if not what’s one you’d like to visit?)?

i’ve been to mt. rainier! and i thiiiink mt. st. helens? i went to as many volcanoes as was humanly possible as a kid because i was fucking terrified of them and whenever i’m scared of anything it immediately turns into obsession. i think i had plans to visit glacier peak as well safdgsdfg

vesuvius is the goal. my sister went to pompeii and brought me a lava rock bracelet from the gift shop and i went fucking ape. for a really long time i wanted to change my middle name to vesuvius!

what’s your fav pet you’ve ever had?

i cant pick a favourite child x3

besides wobbuffet, was there a pokemon you bonded with most as jessie?

oh i love this question! arbok was my first ever pokemon so i love him in ways i can’t ever love another. starter bond is a magic that’s hard to put words to.

dustox also has a very special place in my heart. i had a lot of false starts growing up and wanting to be a coordinator but it wasn’t in the cards for me until i was an adult with a job to distract me from that old flame. but dustox was my guiding light breaking into that career and when i won my first ribbon with her it felt like i was finally making a name for myself in the world. i’ll always attribute that to her. of course we’re both stars, but she brought out the best in me.

what’s a detail about james that didn’t find its way into dte that you want everyone to know?

god im blanking i feel like i put every thought i’ve ever had about him into dte sfdgsfdgfsd like from the fact that he’s allergic to everything including most of his pokemon down to how he jumps on his fucking arcanine to go grocery shopping instead of taking the bus

how’s your rewrite going, and do you still have plans to print a physical copy?

i dunno if i’d call it a rewrite, i’m just tweaking some things i feel i could do better now, mostly dialogue that was awkward and not really up to par in the beginning haha.

a physical copy is the goal. i haven’t worked on it in a while because i’ve been distracted by other projects but i was thinking i could get back to it soon.

do you enjoy rewriting? what’s your favorite part of the writing process?

i enjoy the re-reading more than the re-writing, hehe. for dte, my favourite part of the writing process was outlining with my writing partner ;v; its a lot easier to write when you can bounce ideas off someone. writing alone suuuucks. i never wanna write alone again xD

#chepsi #wendy answers

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warmau · 5 years

Note

HIIII I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! it’s a routine for me now to check ur blog before i go to bed so i go to sleep feeling all fluffy and warm ☺️☺️ if ur up to it can i request a doctor au for yoongi????

thank you!! here is some doctor!au yoongi

the one great thing about growing up is that going to the doctor doesn’t seem like the worse thing in the world

as you get older, getting shots and taking medicine isn’t the same terrifying experience as it once was when you were young

at least,,,,,,for most people. but definitely not for you.

the bleak white walls and harsh fluorescent lights make you all anxious

and even though the nurse, a young handsome man named hoseok, had been nothing but sweet

that didn’t ease the nervousness built up in the pit of your stomach

because this was just a simple physical

but physicals meant ,,,,,,,,,,,, blood work

which meant

needles

you pale at the thought and hoseok tries to make some lighthearted comment about how it’ll be nothing but a pinch, doctor min is extremely good at taking blood

but you aren’t convinced

not when you’re ushered into the doctors office

he’s at his desk, scribbling something on a notepad and handing it off to hoseok without even looking up

the office is plain, not even a house plant on the windowsill

and somehow that make is all worse

because you can’t focus anywhere

but on the needle and bandages that have been laid out on the counter top

suddenly, the doctor says your name - and he’s got such a gentle voice that doesn’t fit the almost annoyed look on his face

you feel embarrassed, already the doctor thinks im being a baby!

but when doctor min steps closer, you realize he isn’t being annoyed - he’s just kind of squinting at your chart and muttering about how he’d left his glasses in the xray room

you swallow - trying to act tough as doctor min takes your temperature, checks your eyes, and then tells you that he’s going to have to listen to your heart

his hands are slightly cold when they touch your skin and you take a sharp inhale

“should i put on some gloves?” he asks when he feels you tense, but you tell him it’s ok - you’re fine

“your heart doesn’t sound fine - it’s beating quite hard, are you ok?”

he looks at you and you notice that for a doctor, he looks pretty young

in fact he has an almost angelic like quality to his features, so smooth and perfectly small

you kind of try to laugh it off, but it just comes out sounding strained

“i just,,,im not good with needles so -”

doctor min suddenly smiles, and it’s warm - not what you usually get from doctors when you reveal you have such a childish fear

“i understand, would it help if you couldn’t see the needle?”

you sort of shift, but nod - and he instructs you to lay down

he props your hand up and you twitch a little

“should i call in nurse hoseok, he can hold your hand and talk with you while i take the sample?”

you redden, saying quietly that it’s ok - you’re not a child

but doctor min shakes his head, “on the contrary, when i get my blood taken i don’t look at it either and i always feel better having someone else in the room - and im a doctor. don’t be embarrassed.”

you kind of shy at the thought, but end up agreeing

hoseok comes into the room with a gleaming smile and although you don’t hold his hand or anything

he stands beside you and starts asking a bunch of questions, as if you’re talking in a cafe

and not a doctors office

before you realize it, you’re trying to keep up with hoseok

when you feel a small pinch and turn your head

doctor min is standing, holding the bandage up before swabbing your arm first and wrapping it up

“w-wait, it’s over? you already did the shot?”

doctor min nods and hoseok claps his hands together

“i told you doctor min is the best!”

the doctor sends him out to print out your report and you sit up, looking down at your arm in shock

“i didn’t feel anything,,,,,,,how-”

“hoseok can distract a stubborn bear with that mouth of his, and i do think i am a good enough doctor to take blood”

doctor min gives a little laugh and it’s so cute - he looks pretty professional and standoffish when you’d seen him walking in and out of his office while in the waiting room

but up close, he looks really charming in his white coat and mask, his eyes almost sparkling under the brightness of the lights

“well,,,thank you doctor min-”

“you can call me yoongi.”

you smile a little, he’s so nice to his patients,,,,,

you talk a little bit more about your health and before you know it, he’s telling you you’re good to go

but before you leave, he slips something into the copies of your record that he hands you

you see that it’s one of those ‘good job!’ stickers kids get after shots, but there’s also something scribbled on the back

a number? is it his?

you walk past hoseok on the way out and he bids you a goodbye

just on impulse you go, “you were right - yoongi is a great doctor!”

but to your surprise hoseok’s eyes go big

“y-yoongi? the doctor told you to call him by his first name - but he never does that!”

you pause - a bit confused, “w-wait really?”

hoseok nods, “i don’t even get to call him yoongi,,,,,,” and then a smile spreads on the nurses face “but maybe you’re a little special”

you don’t understand, but the sentiment makes you go red - you look down at the number on the sticker and think

did i just maybe score a date with my doctor,,,,,,?

#bangtan scenarios #bangtan imagines #bangtan au #yoongi scenarios #yoongi imagines #yoongi au #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts au #member: yoongi #sfw #blood #needles/#doctor! au #bangtan #yoongi #suga

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taenthusiast5-blog · 7 years

Text

DNA

Yoongi x Reader Word count: 6224 “No you can't stop DNA.”

"STOP IT! LET HER GO!" six year old Yoongi screamed seeing his monster of a father hold his delicate mother against a wall by her throat.

"Yoongi sweety its ok. Moms fine. Go back to bed." His mother choked out while his father watched him with black eyes.

"No mama. N-not again." He stuttered out, terrified by the man he couldn't recognize.

"Its ok baby. I'll be in soon to tuck you back in. Please baby." His mother pleaded to her little boy, praying his fathers wrath didn't turn on the boy.

"Listen to your mother brat." His father spat out causing Yoongi to visibly flinch. He glanced to his mother and she nodded. So, ducking his head from his fathers scrutinizing watch, he trotted off to bed.

Two hours passed, filled with his fathers slurred words, his mothers screams, glass shatters, and finally sirens ending it all. Yoongi's room was filled with red and blue lights, the sirens dying out once they reached his home. New shouts filled the air, but these were shouts of commands, from voices Yoongi couldn't recognize.

Soon his mother came to his room, like she promised, but her lip was bleeding and he could see hand prints forming on her cheek and neck. Her arms imprinted with the fingerprints left from his father.

"Are you ok mommy?" He asked watching her carefully as his tiny hand came up to caress her bruised cheek.

"Yes. Moms fine baby. Time to go to sleep." She whispered and kissed his forehead. He laid down and let her tuck him in. With another kiss to his forehead she left him, the house dark and silent. For the first time in years, Yoongi fell asleep to the sound of silence, instead of the sound of his mothers tears.

10 years later

Yoongi stumbled in to the small home he and his mother shared, slamming the door and turning on all the lights, not noticing his mother sleeping on the couch in his druken state.

Waking up his mother saw him stumbling and failing to get to his room. Standing she crossed to her inebriated son and wrapped her arms around him helping him to his room, like she had done with his father so many years ago.

"Im fine. I don't need your help Mom." He growled, yet leaned most his weight on her.

"Of course you are. Im just walking with you to your room." She cooed, coaxing his anger to subside.

"You always think you're right! Im fine let go of me!" He said pushing her arms from him and let her stumble into the wall.

"God be carful. You'll break something." He said stumbling the rest of his way into his room. He slammed his door and the hinges shook, cringing with months of misuse. His mother slid her back down the wall parallel to his door, letting her frustration and sorrow out in silent tears. Her beautiful, sweet little boy had transformed into a younger yet worse version of his father. His anger had grown over time due to the abandonment he felt from his father, and encouraged by his troubled young friends. Once being his source of light, she had now become the target for his rage.

Yoongi himself had been noticing his monstrous actions for the evil they were. Through he acknowledged how he was acting it only pushed him down his dark path. He went out every weekend, drank, smoked, and fought, as much, if not more than his father did, but he couldn't stop. He liked the thrill of fighting and the calm of the drinks he consumed, but something screamed at him to quit his actions before he got in trouble.

Two years later

"Hello Ms. Min. Yoongi is here again."

"Fighting or Drunk driving?" The exhausted woman asked the officer calling her home once again.

"Drunk fighting." Officer Kim said sounding as exhausted as Yoongi's worn mother. "Why do you keep bailing him out? Why not leave him in jail?" Her long time friend asked, finally fed up with the woman letting not only her husband but her son hurt her.

"He could change."

"You said that with him. You can't change Yoongi without giving him a reason to change."

"Not tonight." His mother sighed, not ready to let her baby stay behind bars. She wanted to agree with her friend and just leave Yoongi to fend for himself, but the fear of his anger held her back.

"Alright. It's the usual price. See you soon."

Yoongi watched from the holding cell as his mothers friend hung up the phone and glared at him. She watched him just as he had watched his father, and he glared back with his fathers eyes.

"I hope for her sake you find something to change for." Officer Kim said and walked down the hall and out the holding doors to the front office. He scuffed watching her leave, then his cold eyes roamed over the two other men inside the cell with him.

One was the poor kid he had demolished in his fight. He was smaller than Yoongi and weaker, both mentally, and physically. The brat wouldn't even look at Yoongi now. But the other he couldn't see. They were small in every way with their hood up over their face blocking anyway for someone to see their face. Yoongi couldn't tell whether it was a girl or a scrawny teenage boy. He watched them for a while, trying to see if they would move, but they were as stationary as a statue. After some time a buzzer went off and a girl Yoongi somewhat recognized came towards the cell he sat in, followed by a young and innocent looking boy and someone he recognized all too well.

"Y/F/N, you're out." An officer announced causing the mysterious person in the back to look up. Sure enough it was another girl he recognized which surprised him.

"You go to my school." Yoongi announced as the girl stood. She turned to glare at him and he smirked. "Funny you noticed. You never show up." She snapped back but didn't move from where she stood in front of the bench she was once resting on.

"Cute. Didn't know you noticed me that much Y/F/N."

"She doesn't." Taehyung said through a clenched jaw. Obviously he was either dating the girl or he liked her, which Yoongi decided to take advantage of. But before he could speak again, the other girl stepped in. "Tae we don't have time for this. We have to get her back before Jin wakes up."

"Oh so you're Jin's little sister. I thought you looked familiar." Yoongi interjected noticing how the tension increased within the group.

"Uh ya. I am." Y/F/N said shoving her fists into the pockets of her jacket.

"Well you wouldn't want your brother to worry about you. You should go." Yoongi said, his smile like the Cheshire Cat's. With that the group looked at each other wondering what was up his sleeve.

"Y/N can you get the guard to open the door? I wanna leave." Y/F/N said and the other girl, Y/N, nodded heading over to the officer keeping out of the conversation going on.

"Listen Yoongi. Stay away from us." Taehyung said staring daggers at him, but Yoongi only smirked. The officer walked to the door of the cell and opened it, allowing Y/F/N to walk out and go straight under Taehyung's arm. The group walked away in silence making Yoongi smile a sickening smile.

"Have a goodnight Taehyung." He called out to the fleeing group. They stopped and he could see every muscle in Taehyung bulge in furry. Y/F/N faced him and made him look at her while she whispered to him. The innocent looking boy looked quickly between Taehyung and Yoongi but his eyes were anything but innocent. The boys eyes were a storm of rage and confusion. His fists were clenched by his sides and it seemed that that was the only thing keeping the boy from acting. Y/N on the other hand looked completely calm, but her head was tilted a bit to the side showing her confusion. The air was sucked from his lungs when he saw that she wasn't glaring at him, her eyes weren't filled with disgust like everyone else when they looked at him, or the lust that usually filled women eyes when they saw him. Her eyes were clear and unwavering from his as she watched him. He starred back at her the scene he started melting away from his mind as he watched her.

Yoongi didn't understand the interest that was growing within him as he watched Y/N. He could tell that she wasn't a goody two shoes, but she also wasn't some extreme trouble maker. She seemed to be associated with people who got themselves into trouble, like her friend, or with people who used to make as much trouble as Yoongi did now, Taehyung. He didn't understand where she fit into the group but he would find out eventually.

"Y/N. Lets go." Taehyung said causing the staring match to end abruptly as she tore her eyes from his. She simply nodded and gave Yoongi one last look before turning and leaving with the other three. Yoongi stared after her to see if she would look back again, but she didn't. What he did see as they left was his tired mother walk into the door they just walked out of and stare at him with empty eyes.

"Lets go sweetie." Her voice was like a whisper to him yet he winced. He could see the bags under her haunting eyes and the dull grey color that seemed to wash out her once tan and glowing skin. He knew deep down he was the one to blame for her fading life, but he couldn't escape his DNA. At least thats what he told himself.

You walked with Jungkook, Y/F/N, and Taehyung back to his car, your mind on the boy behind the bars. You knew he and Taehyung had history but you could have never guessed that it would have been this bad.

"Can you believe him! He has some fucking nerve." Taehyung grumbled to Y/F/N as they walked in front of Jungkook and you.

"I know Tae. But look at it this way, you moved on from that life, he hasn't. He will end up sitting in a jail cell, rotting away, while you are out in the world making something of yourself. I mean look at you now. You have come so far Tae. Don't worry about some guy like him." Y/F/N said comforting her seething boyfriend.

You couldn't help but scuff to yourself listening to her, which alarmed you. On any normal day you would have agreed with her. Yoongi was just some guy who was nothing but trouble, and sure you and your friends weren't the best kids around but you were sure better than him. Thats what you had always thought until you actually looked at the boy. At first you wanted to tell yourself those bars would always be between Yoongi and the outside world, but another part of you screamed louder that he was hurting, that something must have happened to make him this way.

No Y/N. He's exactly what Y/F/N says he is.

But is he?

You pinched yourself to bring yourself out of your thoughts.

"He's really mad isn't he." Jungkook whispered to you causing you too nod. Jungkook was your best friend since you guys were babies. Both your families worked for them same business so naturally they all knew each other and were long time friends. They weren't anything special to the company which is why you and Jungkook lived in the rundown side of town. Y/F/N and her dad moved to your city when her dad got transferred to your parents building. Naturally moving onto your block, Y/F/N was lonely. All her friends where back in her home town and she had no one. She spent a lot of nights alone drinking outside her house since her both her dad and her brother worked all the time. You and Jungkook would watch her from your window during the first week she was there. She would disappear a lot with a black backpack and didn't come back till early in the morning which only made her more interesting. One night as she climbed out of her window you and Jungkook intercepted her, causing her to scream but it was stopped by Jungkook crashing his hand on top of her mouth only sending her into a frenzy. After explaining to her that you weren't going to hurt her and you just wanted to hang out she instantly calmed down. Since that night the three of you were inseparable.

"I haven't seen him this mad since the day we met him." You whispered, remembering the Taehyung you had met the night Y/F/N, Jungkook, and yourself were walking home at midnight after a spray paint adventure you all took.

The three of you rounded the corner onto your street and found the infamous Kim Taehyung fuming and sitting right in the middle of Y/F/N driveway. Walking up to him slowly he didnt notice your little group until you cleared your thought and spooked him.

"What the hell. Why are you three out here right now?" He asked but not really interested as he went back to sulking in his anger.

"Do you know what neighborhood this is? You're lucky we found you and not some cop." Y/F/N said staring Taehyung down. He didn't look at any of you he just stared straight ahead and continued to radiate anger.

The three of you didn't know what to do. Y/F/N had to go home but the two of you wouldn't leave her here with Kim Taehyung outside her house.

"Are you juts going to sit outside her house all night waiting to get your ass kicked or something Kim Taehyung?" Jungkook asked which caused Taehyung to glare at him.

"What is she your girlfriend or something? Didn't know it was her house anyway." He grunted but didn't move.

"I'm just his friend. Why are you here anyway. Aren't you a little far from your mustang and fancy house." Y/F/N bit out.

'She really has thing for living on the edge.' You thought to yourself watching him turn his gaze to her. He studied her for a minute his face softening for a minuet then went back to stone turning from her.

"Why would you care what I'm doing here anyway." He said but his voice was calmer with her. She cocked her head to the side. Next thing you knew she was sitting in front of Taehyung looking into his eyes.

'Yup. She's gonna get herself killed.' You thought again.

"It's my house. Now since your on my property, my dad isn't home, my brother is asleep, I'm not tired from the run we just had, and these guys won't leave till you do, spill it." She said. Taehyungs eyes grew wider with each declaration from her and she smiled.

"So big bad Kim Taehyung gets flustered around girls. Noted." She smirked at him and he scoffed at her.

"Please, you won't know flustered until I get you alone." He said smirking right back at her.

"Watch it Kim." This time your surprised yourself when you bit at him. He looked at you a little confused but shrugged and turned back to your friend. Jungkook took a seat next to her and you sat on her other side.

"You guys wouldn't understand." He said genuinely, looking hurt by his own words.

"Try us. You might be surprised." Jungkook said, showing Taehyung that he had a chance and there wasn't judgment going on right now.

"Well you probably know Min Yoongi if you know me so I'll come right out with it. He's my best friend. We grew up together and every time his dad got hauled in he came to my place. It was me and him against the world.

"Naturally we both got into partying and drinking and fighting and all that but Yoongi always went crazier than I did. He didn't give a shit about anything anymore so why not just black out and forget it all. But he never saw how bad he had gotten. Sure fighting guys was fine but as soon as he put his hands on a girl I drew the line." Taehyungs voice cut off in anger, but it wasn't just anger. We could see the tears forming in his eyes as his frustration and sadness seeped out. Almost like she read his mind Y/F/N moved next to him and gently laid her hand on top of his but didn't say a word. He looked up and her and she just watched him, silently willing him to say everything.

"I told him that he was going to turn out just like his dad. I regretted what I said but I had to get him away from that poor girl. She didn't know he would be like that. He flipped out on me and we got into a fight. He landed a few good punches but he was so drunk it didn't really do anything, till his dumbass decided to break a bottle and start going crazy."

You gasped and searched Taehyung for any cuts, noticing Y/F/N do the same until her eyes landed on something and widened.

"Taehyung you're bleeding." She said and pulled on his hand to get him to stand. He grunted in pain but did what she wanted. You and Jungkook followed going straight into the bathroom. Y/F/N had sat Taehyung on the toilet and she sat on the rim of the bathroom waiting on you to take over.

You eyes traveled to the dark blood stain on his white shirt. You lifted the area and looked at his wound. It didn't need stitches but it was bleeding a fair amount. Jungkook had pulled the first aid box they stashed in her cupboard and started pulling out cttenballs and disinfectant.

"Y/F/N where is all the wrapping?" Jungkook asked sifting through the box.

"Shit. I forgot we're out, we used it all up on your hand when you put it though glass." She said and bit her lip.

"Give me your tank top." You deadpanned and wet a cloth to clean off his wound.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"You heard me. Take it off. You have enough black tank tops." You said returning to Taehyung, earning a grumble from Y/F/N. She slipped out of her jacket and then took off her tank top.

"You better be damb grateful." She bit at Taehyung and slipped back into her jacket but didn't bother to zip it up seeing as she had on a sports bra.

"How could I not be." Taehyung said, pain seeping into his words.

And thats how your friendship started. Knowing the story between the two boys didn't make it easy to truly understand the bond they had and why Taehyung was so mad that night. You felt that he held back with you and Jungkook but had told Y/F/N about it, but that was his story to tell. All you knew was that Yoongi affected him, and not in a good way.

"Y/N, are you ok? You look sick love." Y/F/N said as she watched you from the front seat of Taehyung's mustang.

"Ya I'm good. Just thinking." You said, you could tell she wanted to ask more but she held back knowing that there was already too much tension in the car from Taehyung. The ride was silent and the tension didn't let up as Taehyung dropped Junkook and you off in front of your houses. He parked his car in Y/F/N driveway and shut off his car.

"Lets give them some space Y/N." Jungkook said and pushed you towards your front door. You nodded and we went your separate ways. Your mind traveled from worrying about your best friend too thinking about the guy making him act this way.

'This is going to be a long night.' You said to yourself and got ready for bed.

"God I hate this place." He muttered and killed the engine. He got a nod from the other three of you and a slam of each door. You all walked to your lockers and stashed your bags inside of them taking the books you needed for the class you were about to walk into.

"Kookie what class do we have right now?" You asked trying to remember if it was math or history today.

"History today Y/N." He said, the others waiting on you.

"At east we are all together." Y/F/N said smiling at you while leaning her back against her locker with Taehyung leaning his side against the one next to her. You noticed his rigid stance as soon as she did and you all followed his cold glare to the end of the hallway.

Min Yoongi was standing there watching you. His eyes bore into yours locking you in place. Your mouth went dry but you couldn't look anywhere but him.

"Y/N lets go." Taehyung said and grabbed your arm pulling you along with the others but your stare stayed on Yoongi. He watched as Taehyung pulled you away then huffed and strolled in the opposite direction.

Three weeks passed before you saw Yoongi again, but it definitely wasn't a happy reunion. You and your three friends were walking along abandoned train tracks going to a freight compartment that you had renovated into a hang out space. Jungkook had a backpack full of food and drinks, Taehyung had different CDs to listen to and Y/F/N had her paint. You never expected to see someone in your space so as you pulled open the sliding door to the freight you almost screamed as your eyes landed on Yoongi sprawled out on your couch.

Standing stalk still his eyes landed on your stone form and he smirked.

"Not expecting me princess?" As soon as the words flowed from his mouth Taehyung jumped into the freight almost growling in anger. Yoongi's smirk only spread into a full blown smile. "Hey Taehyung. What are you doing here." Yoongi said sitting up on the couch.

Taehyung balled the front of Young's shirt as he pulled him to a standing position. "What the hell are you doing here?" Taehyung snarled at Yoongi, yet it didn't faze the boy.

"I came across this cozy little place and decided to take a load off. I should have know the artwork in here belong to none other than you little delinquent girlfriend." Yoongi said turning to smirk at your friend, only making Taehyung more angry. He threw Yoongi up against the wall of the freight causing the boy to smack his head against the metal.

"She isn't the delinquent. You are Min Yoongi."

"Are you sure about that? Cause I seem to remember that she was holed up in a holding cell with me a few weeks back. You remember that don't you, Y/F/N." Yoongi called out the last part and shamelessly checked out the girl once he found her, obviously just trying to egg Taehyung on.

Tae got ready to slam Yoongi back into the wall when Y/F/N hands landed on his chest.

"Please don't Tae. Just let him go. Please Tae. Not now, not today." She begged her eyes searching her boyfriends. Normally, you knew that this tactic world work but with what Yoongi had done and his smirk still plastered onto his face Tae just pushed Y/F/N back and continued to slam Yoongi into the metal wall.

"Tae stop!" Y/F/N yelled as Tae punched the unsuspecting boy in the face. Thats when a full on fight broke out between the two. They punched, kicked, shoved, and slammed one another into walls. You three let it go on until a glass bottle was shattered and you saw blood on one of the shards.

"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" You heard yourself yelling before you registered anything. Yoongi and Taehyung were both breathing hard and standing opposite one another. "What caused you two to be like this?! You used to be friends! This is so immature. Why not just work it out so you don't inflict anymore pain on one another." You said walking towards the boys. Jungkook and Y/F/N watched you as you inched towards the two boys.

"Cant you forgive one another?" You asked finally close enough to see Yoongi had a cut on his porcelain skin. The two stared at each other not really knowing what to do, they obviously couldn't see how they could ever move past the horrible thing that must have happened. Finally Taehyung held out his bleeding hand to Yoongi with a lopsided smile.

"She's right Yoongi. This has gone on for too long." You weren't surprised that Tae was the one to reach out first, he had always been a forgiving and loyal person. But you knew nothing about Yoongi, so you watched in anticipation to see if he would shake Tae's had or smack it away and storm out on his old friend.

Feeling your eyes on him Yoongi looked up and directly into your eyes. He had no clue what to do. He knew that all the years he had spent with Taehyung were too special to lose, but how would he ever be accepted by you or your friends. He wasn't like you, he was so much worse.

Before you all had found him he had looked around the compartment and had seen all the writing and painting you had done. It wasn't like your friends art, it was pure but tainted in the same way. It was both light and dark, while your friends art was either light or dark. Your quotes where everywhere and it made him feel lost yet found all at the same time. He wanted to understand you and see you the way he knew your friends could, but he was scared that his DNA would get in the way again.

With a sigh that lifted some of the weight from his chest he gripped Taehyungs hand and smiled back at him. "Way too long." He uttered looking to Taehyung. He saw all the malice Taehyung had for him wash from his eyes and they were filled with the childlike excitement Taehyung's soul pushed out.

The two boys smiled at one another and pulled each other in for a hug, and not a dumb bro hug but an actual forgiving and loving hug. Once they let go Y/F/N walked up to Taehyung's side and smiled at Yoongi. "Welcome to the family Yoongi." She said and he smiled at her. "Now, Y/N can clean up your cut. Tae and I are gonna step out. Kookie, coming?" She turned and pinned Jungkook with her, 'You're coming wether you like it or not.' look so Jungkook simply nodded and hopped out of the freight with the couple. Yoongi sat on the couch and you pulled out a small first aid kit. It was silent for a while, you worked on bandaging the cut and Yoongi just watched you. You worked up the courage to look at him and when you did his breath caught just like it did when you looked at him the night you picked up Y/F/N from the station.

"Are you and Taehyung really done fighting?" You asked not wanting to ask if he really was going to stick around.

"Taehyung was my best friend. You seemed to change him for the better, so yes, I'm done." He said somehow seeming to pick up on the unsaid question.

"Good." You stated simply and he smiled. You could tell that you were one of the very few who looked past his reputation to see him, and at that moment you were glad you didn't listen to your friends.

Yoongi hadn't gone to a party in almost two months, but like he knew, old habits died hard.

He had stumbled upon the party when he was going home from work one night. Jin and Y/F/N had offered to take him home but he had refused, he knew now he should have accepted. Walking in he was hit with memories of his experiences and it almost made him turn around and leave, almost.

He picked up a red cup filled with some kind of alcohol and downed it instantly, feeling the burn in his throat, igniting the need for more, to feel that burn again. He picked up another cup, then another and another until his mind was foggy and he felt the blissful looseness he used to feel. Girls flung their drunken selves at him but he didn't bother with them, he had an overwhelming urge to punch something. His sober thoughts told him to call you or Taehyung and get him out of there but his drunk thoughts screamed that he was going to have fun and let lose. He hadn't noticed the people taking pictures of him and spreading them telling people he had returned to the party scene and they should probably stay away if they didn't want to get killed.

Your phone lit up with a text from Y/F/N in all caps.

'GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE YOONGI IS DRUNK AT SOME PARTY AND WE HAVE TO FIND HIM BEFORE HE GETS IN TROUBLE. IF YOU ARENT OUTSIDE IN 2 IM COMING IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW AND DRAGGING YOU INTO THE CAR.-Y/F/N'

You didn't even reply, you couldn't. The only thing you could think about was all the things that could be happening and that pulled you out of the door without changing. Taehyungs car was running and waiting in the middle of the street ready to go when you jumped into the backseat and pants were shoved into your hands. You changed into the pants and the tension was so thick you felt it almost choke you.

"You girls might not want to come inside." Taehyung said when he pulled down the street the party was on.

"She might be able to help." Y/F/N said, receiving a nod in response from Taehyung. He pulled into a vacant space next to the curb and shut off his car. Jungkook walked into the party first followed by yourself and Y/F/N and Taehyung brought up the rear. Music blared and people grinded up against each other or danced erotically so that someone would come and dance with them. Almost everyone was as some point of intoxication, and the ones that weren't just pointed to where they knew you wanted to go. Walking deeper into the party his mint green hair finally made its appearance. Some tiny girl was trying to push herself onto him but he looked uninterested and just moved away from her but reached for another cup.

"Pretty please dance with me Yoongi? We used to dance all the time. Please Yoongi!" She whined in a squeaky mouse like voice that made you cringe.

"He doesn't want to dance with you." You said coming forward to the front of the group. Yoongi's lazy eyes sharped at the sound of your voice but his frown only deepened at the sight of you.

"How did you guys find me?" He asked with genuine confusion, but his question wasn't answered when the girl placed her hand on his chest and coldly bit at you. "How would you know kiss up? We have done much more than dance. Do you really think he would ditch me for you four? Please." She said brushing you off like you where the dust covering her shoes.

"I don't think. I know." You bit back, her stupid voice only annoying the shit out of you.

"You don't know anything bitch." She squeaked getting into your face.

"Wow how original. Ask Yoongi who he wants to go with. It'll be us thats for damn sure." You said calmly but burning with the need to shove her.

"Shut up prude! He would never like someone like you!" She said and pushed your shoulder lightly. Y/F/N stiffened but the fire in her eyes told you that she was close to lunging at this random girl.

"Ya but he isn't interested in a slut like you either so I guess we are on the same page aren't we." You said smiling sweetly. Her hand lifted to swing at you but was caught in Yoongi's grip.

"If you even think about touching her you'll wish you never came to this party and insulted my girl that way." He growled at her and tossed her wrist aside like it was a piece of useless trash.

"She's nothing compared to me Yoog! She'll never give you what you want!" The girl yelled pouting like a child.

"You didn't either." He stated and turned to walk out. You saw him stay close to Taehyung and saw Taehyung steady his friend multiple times ushering him towards the door. You and Y/F/N made it half way out of the party before you both felt arms being wrapped around you and yourselves being forcefully turned. You could smell the alcohol pouring of their tongues and it made you want to hurl.

"Why don't you two stay a little while. Im sure Yoongi and Taehyung won't mind sharing." One slurred tightening his grasp on you when you tried to get away from his body. Your eyes widened and you saw your friend stiffen again, but this time she was terrified. Her already pale skin turned bright white, as if all her blood had just stopped pulsing through her body.

"You should really let go of them."

A shiver went through you as you heard Yoongi's growl from behind. You turned and saw both he and Taehyung were in a attack position. Yoongi's fists were balled at his sides and the menacing glow in his eyes was all but friendly. His gaze was fixed on the male who had you trapped in his hold, but the man didn't seem fazed. He brushed his sweaty hand over your hair and you shivered again, only agitating Yoongi more.

"We just wanna play guys. You've never been offended before. Whats so different now? Have you both gone soft?" The man holding Y/F/N asked caressing her cheek, causing her to close her eyes in pure fear. That was the drawing point for Taehyung. He lunged at the guy knocking Y/F/N out of his arms and dragging him to the ground. Yoongi took the distraction to get you safely out of the other guys arms and then knocking him to the ground. You watched as Yoongi had the intoxicated male pinned to the ground, repeatedly landing blow after blow to the mans face and body. Yoongi kept up until the mans face flowed blood and Yoongi heaved for breath. He slowly stood and reached out for you, needing to feel that you were safe again. You didn't hesitate so you tucked yourself into his arms, feeling like you were being sheltered from the world. You could still hear Taehyungs breathing and his rapid punches.

"Tae stop. She's ok man. We gotta go." Yoongi said facing the two of you towards his friend but didn't let go of you. But Taehyung didnt stop until he heard Y/F/N whimper. He stopped abruptly and turned to her. Tears were streaming down her face and the look of terror hadn't faded from her eyes. He stood and took her into his arms immediately.

"You're right, we have to go. Now." Taehyung said and Yoongi nodded. They scooped the two of you into their arms and rushed to your car. Jungkook hopped into the front and the four of you got into the back. You and your friend sat in the boys laps each being comforted.

"Im sorry you had to see all of that." Yoongi whispered to you pulling you tightly against him, afraid to let you go too far. You nuzzled your face into his neck and breathed him in. You could smell the alcohol tainting his scent but you pushed past it and finally found the comforting smell that Yoongi always had. He smelt fresh and minty, while also having a metallic smell under all of it. His unique sent comforted you and made you feel safe.

"Its ok. Just hold me." You whispered back, holding him as tightly as he held you.

"I can't escape my DNA. I can't be perfect or changed like Taehyung." Yoongi whispered to you warning you of what was too come if you chose to stick with him.

"I don't want you to change. I want you Yoongi." You said and that was that. DNA or not Yoongi was yours and you where his.

#yoongi #bts scenarios #yoongi scenarios #BTS au #bts yoongi #yoongi au #bts suga #suga scenarios #suga au #bts angst #suga angst #yoongi angst

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taenthusiast1-blog · 7 years

Text

DNA

Yoongi x Reader

“STOP IT! LET HER GO!” six year old Yoongi screamed seeing his monster of a father hold his delicate mother against a wall by her throat.

“Yoongi sweety its ok. Moms fine. Go back to bed.” His mother choked out while his father watched him with black eyes.

“No mama. N-not again.” He stuttered out, terrified by the man he couldn’t recognize.

“Its ok baby. I’ll be in soon to tuck you back in. Please baby.” His mother pleaded to her little boy, praying his fathers wrath didn’t turn on the boy.

“Listen to your mother brat.” His father spat out causing Yoongi to visibly flinch. He glanced to his mother and she nodded. So, ducking his head from his fathers scrutinizing watch, he trotted off to bed.

Two hours passed, filled with his fathers slurred words, his mothers screams, glass shatters, and finally sirens ending it all. Yoongi’s room was filled with red and blue lights, the sirens dying out once they reached his home. New shouts filled the air, but these were shouts of commands, from voices Yoongi couldn’t recognize.

“Are you ok mommy?” He asked watching her carefully as his tiny hand came up to caress her bruised cheek.

“Yes. Moms fine baby. Time to go to sleep.” She whispered and kissed his forehead. He laid down and let her tuck him in. With another kiss to his forehead she left him, the house dark and silent. For the first time in years, Yoongi fell asleep to the sound of silence, instead of the sound of his mothers tears.

10 years later

Yoongi stumbled in to the small home he and his mother shared, slamming the door and turning on all the lights, not noticing his mother sleeping on the couch in his druken state.

“Im fine. I don’t need your help Mom.” He growled, yet leaned most his weight on her.

“Of course you are. Im just walking with you to your room.” She cooed, coaxing his anger to subside.

“You always think you’re right! Im fine let go of me!” He said pushing her arms from him and let her stumble into the wall.

“God be carful. You’ll break something.” He said stumbling the rest of his way into his room. He slammed his door and the hinges shook, cringing with months of misuse. His mother slid her back down the wall parallel to his door, letting her frustration and sorrow out in silent tears. Her beautiful, sweet little boy had transformed into a younger yet worse version of his father. His anger had grown over time due to the abandonment he felt from his father, and encouraged by his troubled young friends. Once being his source of light, she had now become the target for his rage.

Yoongi himself had been noticing his monstrous actions for the evil they were. Through he acknowledged how he was acting it only pushed him down his dark path. He went out every weekend, drank, smoked, and fought, as much, if not more than his father did, but he couldn’t stop. He liked the thrill of fighting and the calm of the drinks he consumed, but something screamed at him to quit his actions before he got in trouble.

Two years later

“Hello Ms. Min. Yoongi is here again.”

“Fighting or Drunk driving?” The exhausted woman asked the officer calling her home once again.

“Drunk fighting.” Officer Kim said sounding as exhausted as Yoongi’s worn mother. “Why do you keep bailing him out? Why not leave him in jail?” Her long time friend asked, finally fed up with the woman letting not only her husband but her son hurt her.

“He could change.”

“You said that with him. You can’t change Yoongi without giving him a reason to change.”

“Not tonight.” His mother sighed, not ready to let her baby stay behind bars. She wanted to agree with her friend and just leave Yoongi to fend for himself, but the fear of his anger held her back.

“Alright. It’s the usual price. See you soon.”

Yoongi watched from the holding cell as his mothers friend hung up the phone and glared at him. She watched him just as he had watched his father, and he glared back with his fathers eyes.

“I hope for her sake you find something to change for.” Officer Kim said and walked down the hall and out the holding doors to the front office. He scuffed watching her leave, then his cold eyes roamed over the two other men inside the cell with him.

One was the poor kid he had demolished in his fight. He was smaller than Yoongi and weaker, both mentally, and physically. The brat wouldn’t even look at Yoongi now. But the other he couldn’t see. They were small in every way with their hood up over their face blocking anyway for someone to see their face. Yoongi couldn't tell whether it was a girl or a scrawny teenage boy. He watched them for a while, trying to see if they would move, but they were as stationary as a statue. After some time a buzzer went off and a girl Yoongi somewhat recognized came towards the cell he sat in, followed by a young and innocent looking boy and someone he recognized all too well.

“Y/F/N, you're out.” An officer announced causing the mysterious person in the back to look up. Sure enough it was another girl he recognized which surprised him.

“You go to my school.” Yoongi announced as the girl stood. She turned to glare at him and he smirked. “Funny you noticed. You never show up.” She snapped back but didn't move from where she stood in front of the bench she was once resting on.

“Cute. Didn't know you noticed me that much Y/F/N.”

“She doesn't.” Taehyung said through a clenched jaw. Obviously he was either dating the girl or he liked her, which Yoongi decided to take advantage of. But before he could speak again, the other girl stepped in. “Tae we don't have time for this. We have to get her back before Jin wakes up.”

“Oh so you’re Jin’s little sister. I thought you looked familiar.” Yoongi interjected noticing how the tension increased within the group.

“Uh ya. I am.” Y/F/N said shoving her fists into the pockets of her jacket.

“Well you wouldn't want your brother to worry about you. You should go.” Yoongi said, his smile like the Cheshire Cat’s. With that the group looked at each other wondering what was up his sleeve.

“Y/N can you get the guard to open the door? I wanna leave.” Y/F/N said and the other girl, Y/N, nodded heading over to the officer keeping out of the conversation going on.

“Listen Yoongi. Stay away from us.” Taehyung said staring daggers at him, but Yoongi only smirked. The officer walked to the door of the cell and opened it, allowing Y/F/N to walk out and go straight under Taehyung’s arm. The group walked away in silence making Yoongi smile a sickening smile.

“Have a goodnight Taehyung.” He called out to the fleeing group. They stopped and he could see every muscle in Taehyung bulge in furry. Y/F/N faced him and made him look at her while she whispered to him. The innocent looking boy looked quickly between Taehyung and Yoongi but his eyes were anything but innocent. The boys eyes were a storm of rage and confusion. His fists were clenched by his sides and it seemed that that was the only thing keeping the boy from acting. Y/N on the other hand looked completely calm, but her head was tilted a bit to the side showing her confusion. The air was sucked from his lungs when he saw that she wasn't glaring at him, her eyes weren't filled with disgust like everyone else when they looked at him, or the lust that usually filled women eyes when they saw him. Her eyes were clear and unwavering from his as she watched him. He starred back at her the scene he started melting away from his mind as he watched her.

“Y/N. Lets go.” Taehyung said causing the staring match to end abruptly as she tore her eyes from his. She simply nodded and gave Yoongi one last look before turning and leaving with the other three. Yoongi stared after her to see if she would look back again, but she didn't. What he did see as they left was his tired mother walk into the door they just walked out of and stare at him with empty eyes.

“Lets go sweetie.” Her voice was like a whisper to him yet he winced. He could see the bags under her haunting eyes and the dull grey color that seemed to wash out her once tan and glowing skin. He knew deep down he was the one to blame for her fading life, but he couldn't escape his DNA. At least thats what he told himself.

“Can you believe him! He has some fucking nerve.” Taehyung grumbled to Y/F/N as they walked in front of Jungkook and you.

“I know Tae. But look at it this way, you moved on from that life, he hasn't. He will end up sitting in a jail cell, rotting away, while you are out in the world making something of yourself. I mean look at you now. You have come so far Tae. Don't worry about some guy like him.” Y/F/N said comforting her seething boyfriend.

No Y/N. He’s exactly what Y/F/N says he is.

But is he?

You pinched yourself to bring yourself out of your thoughts.

“He’s really mad isn't he.” Jungkook whispered to you causing you too nod. Jungkook was your best friend since you guys were babies. Both your families worked for them same business so naturally they all knew each other and were long time friends. They weren't anything special to the company which is why you and Jungkook lived in the rundown side of town. Y/F/N and her dad moved to your city when her dad got transferred to your parents building. Naturally moving onto your block, Y/F/N was lonely. All her friends where back in her home town and she had no one. She spent a lot of nights alone drinking outside her house since her both her dad and her brother worked all the time. You and Jungkook would watch her from your window during the first week she was there. She would disappear a lot with a black backpack and didn't come back till early in the morning which only made her more interesting. One night as she climbed out of her window you and Jungkook intercepted her, causing her to scream but it was stopped by Jungkook crashing his hand on top of her mouth only sending her into a frenzy. After explaining to her that you weren't going to hurt her and you just wanted to hang out she instantly calmed down. Since that night the three of you were inseparable.

“I haven't seen him this mad since the day we met him.” You whispered, remembering the Taehyung you had met the night Y/F/N, Jungkook, and yourself were walking home at midnight after a spray paint adventure you all took.

“What the hell. Why are you three out here right now?” He asked but not really interested as he went back to sulking in his anger.

“Do you know what neighborhood this is? You're lucky we found you and not some cop.” Y/F/N said staring Taehyung down. He didn't look at any of you he just stared straight ahead and continued to radiate anger.

The three of you didn't know what to do. Y/F/N had to go home but the two of you wouldn't leave her here with Kim Taehyung outside her house.

“Are you juts going to sit outside her house all night waiting to get your ass kicked or something Kim Taehyung?” Jungkook asked which caused Taehyung to glare at him.

“What is she your girlfriend or something? Didn't know it was her house anyway.” He grunted but didn't move.

“I’m just his friend. Why are you here anyway. Aren't you a little far from your mustang and fancy house.” Y/F/N bit out.

‘She really has thing for living on the edge.’ You thought to yourself watching him turn his gaze to her. He studied her for a minute his face softening for a minuet then went back to stone turning from her.

“Why would you care what I'm doing here anyway.” He said but his voice was calmer with her. She cocked her head to the side. Next thing you knew she was sitting in front of Taehyung looking into his eyes.

‘Yup. She’s gonna get herself killed.’ You thought again.

“It’s my house. Now since your on my property, my dad isn't home, my brother is asleep, I'm not tired from the run we just had, and these guys won't leave till you do, spill it.” She said. Taehyungs eyes grew wider with each declaration from her and she smiled.

“So big bad Kim Taehyung gets flustered around girls. Noted.” She smirked at him and he scoffed at her.

“Please, you won't know flustered until I get you alone.” He said smirking right back at her.

“Watch it Kim.” This time your surprised yourself when you bit at him. He looked at you a little confused but shrugged and turned back to your friend. Jungkook took a seat next to her and you sat on her other side.

“You guys wouldn't understand.” He said genuinely, looking hurt by his own words.

“Try us. You might be surprised.” Jungkook said, showing Taehyung that he had a chance and there wasn't judgment going on right now.

“Well you probably know Min Yoongi if you know me so I’ll come right out with it. He’s my best friend. We grew up together and every time his dad got hauled in he came to my place. It was me and him against the world.

“Naturally we both got into partying and drinking and fighting and all that but Yoongi always went crazier than I did. He didn't give a shit about anything anymore so why not just black out and forget it all. But he never saw how bad he had gotten. Sure fighting guys was fine but as soon as he put his hands on a girl I drew the line.” Taehyungs voice cut off in anger, but it wasn't just anger. We could see the tears forming in his eyes as his frustration and sadness seeped out. Almost like she read his mind Y/F/N moved next to him and gently laid her hand on top of his but didn't say a word. He looked up and her and she just watched him, silently willing him to say everything.

“I told him that he was going to turn out just like his dad. I regretted what I said but I had to get him away from that poor girl. She didn't know he would be like that. He flipped out on me and we got into a fight. He landed a few good punches but he was so drunk it didn't really do anything, till his dumbass decided to break a bottle and start going crazy.”

You gasped and searched Taehyung for any cuts, noticing Y/F/N do the same until her eyes landed on something and widened.

“Taehyung you're bleeding.” She said and pulled on his hand to get him to stand. He grunted in pain but did what she wanted. You and Jungkook followed going straight into the bathroom. Y/F/N had sat Taehyung on the toilet and she sat on the rim of the bathroom waiting on you to take over.

“Y/F/N where is all the wrapping?” Jungkook asked sifting through the box.

“Shit. I forgot we’re out, we used it all up on your hand when you put it though glass.” She said and bit her lip.

“Give me your tank top.” You deadpanned and wet a cloth to clean off his wound.

“What?” She asked in disbelief.

“You heard me. Take it off. You have enough black tank tops.” You said returning to Taehyung, earning a grumble from Y/F/N. She slipped out of her jacket and then took off her tank top.

“You better be damb grateful.” She bit at Taehyung and slipped back into her jacket but didn't bother to zip it up seeing as she had on a sports bra.

“How could I not be.” Taehyung said, pain seeping into his words.

“Y/N, are you ok? You look sick love.” Y/F/N said as she watched you from the front seat of Taehyung’s mustang.

“Ya I’m good. Just thinking.” You said, you could tell she wanted to ask more but she held back knowing that there was already too much tension in the car from Taehyung. The ride was silent and the tension didn't let up as Taehyung dropped Junkook and you off in front of your houses. He parked his car in Y/F/N driveway and shut off his car.

“Lets give them some space Y/N.” Jungkook said and pushed you towards your front door. You nodded and we went your separate ways. Your mind traveled from worrying about your best friend too thinking about the guy making him act this way.

‘This is going to be a long night.’ You said to yourself and got ready for bed.

“God I hate this place.” He muttered and killed the engine. He got a nod from the other three of you and a slam of each door. You all walked to your lockers and stashed your bags inside of them taking the books you needed for the class you were about to walk into.

“Kookie what class do we have right now?” You asked trying to remember if it was math or history today.

“History today Y/N.” He said, the others waiting on you.

“At east we are all together.” Y/F/N said smiling at you while leaning her back against her locker with Taehyung leaning his side against the one next to her. You noticed his rigid stance as soon as she did and you all followed his cold glare to the end of the hallway.

Min Yoongi was standing there watching you. His eyes bore into yours locking you in place. Your mouth went dry but you couldn't look anywhere but him.

“Y/N lets go.” Taehyung said and grabbed your arm pulling you along with the others but your stare stayed on Yoongi. He watched as Taehyung pulled you away then huffed and strolled in the opposite direction.

Standing stalk still his eyes landed on your stone form and he smirked.

“Not expecting me princess?” As soon as the words flowed from his mouth Taehyung jumped into the freight almost growling in anger. Yoongi’s smirk only spread into a full blown smile. “Hey Taehyung. What are you doing here.” Yoongi said sitting up on the couch. Taehyung balled the front of Young’s shirt as he pulled him to a standing position. “What the hell are you doing here?” Taehyung snarled at Yoongi, yet it didn't faze the boy. “I came across this cozy little place and decided to take a load off. I should have know the artwork in here belong to none other than you little delinquent girlfriend.” Yoongi said turning to smirk at your friend, only making Taehyung more angry. He threw Yoongi up against the wall of the freight causing the boy to smack his head against the metal.

“She isn't the delinquent. You are Min Yoongi.”

“Are you sure about that? Cause I seem to remember that she was holed up in a holding cell with me a few weeks back. You remember that don't you, Y/F/N.” Yoongi called out the last part and shamelessly checked out the girl once he found her, obviously just trying to egg Taehyung on.

Tae got ready to slam Yoongi back into the wall when Y/F/N hands landed on his chest. “Please don't Tae. Just let him go. Please Tae. Not now, not today.” She begged her eyes searching her boyfriends. Normally, you knew that this tactic world work but with what Yoongi had done and his smirk still plastered onto his face Tae just pushed Y/F/N back and continued to slam Yoongi into the metal wall.

“Tae stop!” Y/F/N yelled as Tae punched the unsuspecting boy in the face. Thats when a full on fight broke out between the two. They punched, kicked, shoved, and slammed one another into walls. You three let it go on until a glass bottle was shattered and you saw blood on one of the shards.

“STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!” You heard yourself yelling before you registered anything. Yoongi and Taehyung were both breathing hard and standing opposite one another. “What caused you two to be like this?! You used to be friends! This is so immature. Why not just work it out so you don't inflict anymore pain on one another.” You said walking towards the boys. Jungkook and Y/F/N watched you as you inched towards the two boys. “Cant you forgive one another?” You asked finally close enough to see Yoongi had a cut on his porcelain skin. The two stared at each other not really knowing what to do, they obviously couldn't see how they could ever move past the horrible thing that must have happened. Finally Taehyung held out his bleeding hand to Yoongi with a lopsided smile.

“She's right Yoongi. This has gone on for too long.” You weren't surprised that Tae was the one to reach out first, he had always been a forgiving and loyal person. But you knew nothing about Yoongi, so you watched in anticipation to see if he would shake Tae’s had or smack it away and storm out on his old friend.

But as Yoongi looked into your eyes all he saw was clear anticipation. Wether it was because he always kept people on their toes or because she wanted to know him the way he desperately wanted to know you, he didn't care. He watched you for some kind of answer and when he saw your eyes travel to Tae’s hand he knew he would accept his outstretched hand in friendship. With a sigh that lifted some of the weight from his chest he gripped Taehyungs hand and smiled back at him. “Way too long.” He uttered looking to Taehyung. He saw all the malice Taehyung had for him wash from his eyes and they were filled with the childlike excitement Taehyung’s soul pushed out. The two boys smiled at one another and pulled each other in for a hug, and not a dumb bro hug but an actual forgiving and loving hug. Once they let go Y/F/N walked up to Taehyung’s side and smiled at Yoongi. “Welcome to the family Yoongi.” She said and he smiled at her. “Now, Y/N can clean up your cut. Tae and I are gonna step out. Kookie, coming?” She turned and pinned Jungkook with her, ‘You're coming wether you like it or not.’ look so Jungkook simply nodded and hopped out of the freight with the couple. Yoongi sat on the couch and you pulled out a small first aid kit. It was silent for a while, you worked on bandaging the cut and Yoongi just watched you. You worked up the courage to look at him and when you did his breath caught just like it did when you looked at him the night you picked up Y/F/N from the station.

“Are you and Taehyung really done fighting?” You asked not wanting to ask if he really was going to stick around.

“Taehyung was my best friend. You seemed to change him for the better, so yes, I'm done.” He said somehow seeming to pick up on the unsaid question.

“Good.” You stated simply and he smiled. You could tell that you were one of the very few who looked past his reputation to see him, and at that moment you were glad you didn't listen to your friends.

Yoongi hadn’t gone to a party in almost two months, but like he knew, old habits died hard. He had stumbled upon the party when he was going home from work one night. Jin and Y/F/N had offered to take him home but he had refused, he knew now he should have accepted. Walking in he was hit with memories of his experiences and it almost made him turn around and leave, almost.

Your phone lit up with a text from Y/F/N in all caps.

‘GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE YOONGI IS DRUNK AT SOME PARTY AND WE HAVE TO FIND HIM BEFORE HE GETS IN TROUBLE. IF YOU ARENT OUTSIDE IN 2 IM COMING IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW AND DRAGGING YOU INTO THE CAR.-Y/F/N’

“You girls might not want to come inside.” Taehyung said when he pulled down the street the party was on.

“She might be able to help.” Y/F/N said, receiving a nod in response from Taehyung. He pulled into a vacant space next to the curb and shut off his car. Jungkook walked into the party first followed by yourself and Y/F/N and Taehyung brought up the rear. Music blared and people grinded up against each other or danced erotically so that someone would come and dance with them. Almost everyone was as some point of intoxication, and the ones that weren't just pointed to where they knew you wanted to go. Walking deeper into the party his mint green hair finally made its appearance. Some tiny girl was trying to push herself onto him but he looked uninterested and just moved away from her but reached for another cup.

“Pretty please dance with me Yoongi? We used to dance all the time. Please Yoongi!” She whined in a squeaky mouse like voice that made you cringe.

“He doesn't want to dance with you.” You said coming forward to the front of the group. Yoongi’s lazy eyes sharped at the sound of your voice but his frown only deepened at the sight of you.

“How did you guys find me?” He asked with genuine confusion, but his question wasn't answered when the girl placed her hand on his chest and coldly bit at you. “How would you know kiss up? We have done much more than dance. Do you really think he would ditch me for you four? Please.” She said brushing you off like you where the dust covering her shoes. “I don't think. I know.” You bit back, her stupid voice only annoying the shit out of you.

“You don't know anything bitch.” She squeaked getting into your face.

“Wow how original. Ask Yoongi who he wants to go with. It’ll be us thats for damn sure.” You said calmly but burning with the need to shove her.

“Shut up prude! He would never like someone like you!” She said and pushed your shoulder lightly. Y/F/N stiffened but the fire in her eyes told you that she was close to lunging at this random girl.

“Ya but he isn't interested in a slut like you either so I guess we are on the same page aren't we.” You said smiling sweetly. Her hand lifted to swing at you but was caught in Yoongi’s grip.

“If you even think about touching her you’ll wish you never came to this party and insulted my girl that way.” He growled at her and tossed her wrist aside like it was a piece of useless trash.

“She's nothing compared to me Yoog! She’ll never give you what you want!” The girl yelled pouting like a child.

“You didn't either.” He stated and turned to walk out. You saw him stay close to Taehyung and saw Taehyung steady his friend multiple times ushering him towards the door. You and Y/F/N made it half way out of the party before you both felt arms being wrapped around you and yourselves being forcefully turned. You could smell the alcohol pouring of their tongues and it made you want to hurl.

“Why don't you two stay a little while. Im sure Yoongi and Taehyung won't mind sharing.” One slurred tightening his grasp on you when you tried to get away from his body. Your eyes widened and you saw your friend stiffen again, but this time she was terrified. Her already pale skin turned bright white, as if all her blood had just stopped pulsing through her body.

“You should really let go of them.”

A shiver went through you as you heard Yoongi’s growl from behind. You turned and saw both he and Taehyung were in a attack position. Yoongi's fists were balled at his sides and the menacing glow in his eyes was all but friendly. His gaze was fixed on the male who had you trapped in his hold, but the man didn't seem fazed. He brushed his sweaty hand over your hair and you shivered again, only agitating Yoongi more. “We just wanna play guys. You've never been offended before. Whats so different now? Have you both gone soft?” The man holding Y/F/N asked caressing her cheek, causing her to close her eyes in pure fear. That was the drawing point for Taehyung. He lunged at the guy knocking Y/F/N out of his arms and dragging him to the ground. Yoongi took the distraction to get you safely out of the other guys arms and then knocking him to the ground. You watched as Yoongi had the intoxicated male pinned to the ground, repeatedly landing blow after blow to the mans face and body. Yoongi kept up until the mans face flowed blood and Yoongi heaved for breath. He slowly stood and reached out for you, needing to feel that you were safe again. You didn't hesitate so you tucked yourself into his arms, feeling like you were being sheltered from the world. You could still hear Taehyungs breathing and his rapid punches.

“Tae stop. She’s ok man. We gotta go.” Yoongi said facing the two of you towards his friend but didn’t let go of you. But Taehyung didnt stop until he heard Y/F/N whimper. He stopped abruptly and turned to her. Tears were streaming down her face and the look of terror hadn’t faded from her eyes. He stood and took her into his arms immediately.

“You're right, we have to go. Now.” Taehyung said and Yoongi nodded. They scooped the two of you into their arms and rushed to your car. Jungkook hopped into the front and the four of you got into the back. You and your friend sat in the boys laps each being comforted.

“Im sorry you had to see all of that.” Yoongi whispered to you pulling you tightly against him, afraid to let you go too far. You nuzzled your face into his neck and breathed him in. You could smell the alcohol tainting his scent but you pushed past it and finally found the comforting smell that Yoongi always had. He smelt fresh and minty, while also having a metallic smell under all of it. His unique sent comforted you and made you feel safe.

“Its ok. Just hold me.” You whispered back, holding him as tightly as he held you.

“I can't escape my DNA. I can't be perfect or changed like Taehyung.” Yoongi whispered to you warning you of what was too come if you chose to stick with him.

“I don't want you to change. I want you Yoongi.” You said and that was that. DNA or not Yoongi was yours and you where his.

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bitchdoeseurope · 7 years

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Concrete jungle, wet dream, tomatoeeee

(Title is a misheard Alicia keys lyric. Just in case anyone was wondering)

Day three started a bit more fabulous. I felt below average but better than the zombie like state I've been in. I got a donut and hot choc for breakfast (because I'm super healthy and everything here seems to be on the go for breakfast) and headed on to MoMa. The museum of modern art. Now I didn't have long here so I smashed it out.

The top floor was an exhibition "is fashion modern?" And surprisingly I found it really cool, the main gist of it was that everything in fashion comes from something from past fashion or another culture and is recycled to create a "new" piece. It discussed ideas like how the little black dress changed the colour black from only being about mourning to also being a sign of elegance, how a white t shirt can be casual or smart depending how you dress around it and how clothes generally are a canvas of expression for most people. It was a really cool concept.

The next level had some classic art works. I'm a bugger though because I'm not very good with stopping to read the descriptions of pieces, I tend to think that art shouldn't have to be explained - you either get it or you don't. The highlight here was van goghs starry night 👌🏻

The next two floors focused on Louise bourgeois who did a lot of sketches, print work, fabric work and sculpture work. She was apparently quite fascinated with arachnids (spiders) and compared them to her mother (in a loving way. Kind of odd). The coolest part of all this was the big ass spider and cage sculpture that sat in the middle of a room. Inside the cage was tapestries from Louise's own collection and little trinkets hung down as well. It was just a funny looking piece and I enjoyed it.

Headed down to the sculpture garden and of course my favourite piece here was the big ass fuck off rose. It was huge. 👌🏻

By this point I had really raced through the museum but I was also somehow at the exit and really could not be bothered with the mass crowd that was lining up to go upstairs again. So I went for a stroll instead. I walked past the flat iron building as well as the public library and Maddison square park. Why did you walk all this way alison ? Well fam, I was going to get another tattoo. (Soz not soz dad).

I eventually (let's not say how long it took) got to the studio and met my artist, Miko. Miko is a fucking godddddd at scriptwork and this is why I had chosen her. Now, before I reveal the tatt (is only little I promise) I need to explain its significance because if not it just looks "white girl". So, as many of you may know... I'm a philosophy major ✌🏻. In my third year of uni I did a unit on stoic and epicurean (Ancient Greek) philosophy. Basically the epicureans had this concept of "ataraxia" as the idea of what one should strive for in order to live a happy life. And by happy the didn't mean like all smiles and excitement but a sense of peace and calm within oneself. Ataraxia is freedom from physical pain and mental anxiety. This Greek word translates roughly to "tranquility". Now, I'm not saying I'm a calm or peaceful person but I think it's a pretty fucking good thing to aim for.

Post tattoo I got an uber to the American museum of natural history !! I was so excited for this and then I got real fucking pissed off. So I prepaid for my ticket. Turns out the fucking Ross geller archeologist of the year awards were on so half the Shit was closed, and entry was fucking free. Was pissed me off the most was the main entrance that you see in "night at the museum" WAS OFF FUCKING LIMITS. IM SO MAD ABOUT IT. I JUST WANTED TO SEE REXY GOD DAMN IT. needless to say I'll try to find time (god fucking knows when) to go back and abuse them into letting me in. Anyway, I had gotten a ticket to see "dark universe" in the dome thingy they have there. If you ever want to feel motion sick whilst also having an existential crisis then this is the place for you !! It's fascinating to hear about how large the *observable* universe is and that less than 5 % of shit is actual matter, then rest being dark matter and dark energy but it is equally terrifying to consider how microscopically small we are in comparison. Yay?

After this I wandered around - where I could - problem was I wasn't given a map, there was none on the walls and I couldn't connect to wifi to download their stupid fucking app. So aimlessly I went from room to room. And I'll admit there was some cool (creepy) animals and some interesting looking world culture stuff, and I did find the exhibit that Ross and Rachel boinked in!!!! But I was still a little (a lot) heart broken at the management of it all. I was starting to cough and splutter again and could feel myself burning up something terrible. So I sat down in front of a mineral display and mum called me. So for about 40 minutes I looked at rocks. If that doesn't describe my state of 0-energy I don't know what does.

Uber again to go to the theatre! By this stage my cheeks were on fire 🔥 I stopped to get some food and ordered way too fucking much - didn't realise a"side" of broccoli was going to be an entire head of the stuff!!! And then I trundled off the Anastasia.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Everyone needs to see this show. It was fucking glorious. The costumes were BEAUTIFUL. The set design and technical elements were ducking flawless. And the story itself was so magical !! The stage play is adapted from the Disney movie and another movie version and it was just so bloody wonderful I can't put it into words. It wasn't the kind of thing that makes you want to get up and dance every song but it takes you on a journey from Russia to Paris on the most gorgeous ways 😍😍 there was comic relief, there was a villain who learns to not be a dick, there was love and loss and just go see it okay ?!

So again I walked back to the hotel and made my way to bed. Deciding to spend this morning right here while I try to mend myself a little bit. Wish me luck !!

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nobody-needs-to-know-that-blog · 7 years

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A year later- Sept 18, 2016

The day where it all begins to fall apart. Maybe not completely or full on that day but it definitely started.... Actually it started to fall apart during the first week of school.

First week of school i happen to work with a kid that i had class with the previous semester, a kid that i kinda liked and definitely wanted to get to know better. I kinda got to know him better... Not really. My first experience with him, was that he was trying to get my number.... off of the emergency sheets that our boss has us fill out.... he ended up getting the house phone before my actual phone... It didnt help that his phone absolutely hated mine and we literally could not text each other....

Well we ended up having a class together that was kinda hard. So we would work on homework and lab problems together. One thing leads to another and we ended up going to dinner with one of his older friends who made a joke like oh is this a date... well i was stupid and kinda said yes? However i still had a boyfriend at that time. During that dinner i literally avoided saying boyfriend. Like i was ashamed of him or something. I wasn’t i never was. I just wasnt the right person for him. I dont know if im the right person for anybody.

Anyways after that we ended up going to this jazz club thing on campus and we danced a little bit but not much. We ended up talking about his ex. She was there and she was pretty. and she could dance... i have two left feet. Anyways he was still really hung up on her and really wanted to get back with her. Which i completely understood. First “real” girlfriend yeah that happens. But they were two very different people. The dude did drugs and who knows what else. The girl. Very catholic... little miss goody two shoes... kinda like me... till SOMEBODY fucking broke me...

So during that dance we talked about how the older gentlemen had confused the hell out of both of us like there was something between us. May it be sexual tension or just wanting to get to know each other a lot better there was something. Well anyways I was amused but slightly pissed so i ended up printing off a coloring sheet that said “What the lemon scented fuck do you think you are doing?” and it was perfect about what was happening so I gave it to him and he was all im sorry i didnt know i didnt know. It was something that happened.

More happened in september... i went to my first party... got to drink. That was fun... Ended up worrying boyf because he was like you should be safe and all that other shit. But then was like i guess this is payback for every time i went without you... well i ended up messaging them both and i told the kid i wanted to get to know better that i was jealous of his ex... because she got to date him... While drunk... but i remember everything so maybe not that drunk...

There would be days where he would come over and watch tv with me.. or well force me to watch black books or arrested development ( i cant watch arrested development anymore....) There was even one day where boyf was picking me up for the weekend and kid was leaving because boyf was there.... they didnt meet tho...

That was September... Then October comes around, oh was October was a shit show.... We still hung out every couple days to work on homework together, whether it be in my dorm or at the student center or who knows where. We would hang out. I had been with the boyfriend for over 4 years at this point. 4 YEARS. 4 FUCKING YEARS. actually 4 and a half. Am i done healing probably not. but whatever such is my life.

Okay back to October. First part was slightly uneventful. More hanging out more being with the boys whatever... Well Boyf’s birthday is in October... we ended up going home for his 21st birthday... i was terrified as fuck that he was going to propose to me... I wasnt sure if i could live with him for the rest of my life. I wasnt sure if i could be with anybody for that long.. Before that relationship i jumped from boy to boy to boy and i kinda have been doing that now as well... but i have stayed with this one for a hot minute... I dont know. I push damn near everybody who gets close to me away... It is a miracle that i have anybody who wants to be near me at all... Anyways that is where it also begins.

I am terrified at the thought of proposal... I didnt want to live with this boy. I didnt want to be married to him. I couldnt handle that. I loved his family. They were more accepting of me than my own family... If they saw me now probably not as much because of the two tattoos and 3 piercings. I have changed..

Well anyways we would go to a physics club every friday and we ended up carving pumpkins together... They were cute... I did a pi on mine and it was cute :) i think i may have done an imaginary one im not sure... lol Well anyways dude who isnt the boyf ended up asking me to go see rocky horror with him because his friend was in the shadow cast of it. Oh man was that fun... but then we ended up going to the cast party afterwords which was my second party, and my bestfriends boyfriend was looking after me and was like worried and stuff which was great... Well after the party we ended up going back to his place to hang out because we didnt want to be at the party anymore and they wanted to smoke i think? well we are back there gave one friend a mix of rum chata and fireball ( its call a cumshot....) so that happened. we ended up going to sleep around 5... am... i thought i would be in my own room... nope he ended up sleeping with me which wasnt good but whatever. He had his arm like drapped over me and it was surprisingly comfortable... He wasnt overly hot like boyf had been... It was raining that morning.. The room has like a wall of windows which was beautiful to look at and was great for listening to the rain... Well at one point he ended up kissing me... it was just a peck and he was like inhibitions were gone and thats why and yada yada yada. Whatever he wouldnt have kissed me if there wasnt something there before... Its not a spur of the moment thing..

Halloween i was lilo and he was harry potter... we got pictures together.. I told boyf about it. He freaked out. I felt like shit... I still feel like shit for what happened.

October ended in lots of tears... I basically broke up with him on skype. Ex-boyf at this point was saying that i was the only person for him and that he didnt have anybody else to talk to and that i couldnt leave him because he would be all alone... That isnt what i need.. I am not somebody for him to tell everything to. I was taken for granted and it didnt feel good. It felt amazing to be wanted by somebody who wasnt just going to use me so they could feel better.

November started with tears and freak outs and all that awesome shit. I would still talk to ex-boyf because i always talked to him but that wasnt much better... i started to take longer to reply and then not reply at all. At one point he ended up coming to campus on a sunday morning and we walked all over campus- to the convocation center and back just talking about the future of us if there was one. I told him at one point that i was going to block him on all social media sites if he messaged me during a week. Because i didnt want to talk to him during the week after i broke up with him. He was worried about me... he missed classes because he felt physically sick and i dont know if he has gotten anybetter.. I was worried about him because he told me that he said he couldnt live without me. But i couldnt be in a mentally abusive relationship... again.

I had been in one before, ( irony was that it was with his cousin but thats a story for a different time) So yeah that was a thing.

Anyways thanksgiving rolls around.. i message my cousin saying that i want to do something with my hair. She was like HELL YES!!! she was so excited... I ended up getting highlights done and they looked really good and it felt good to be different. However that change didnt last long. Ex-boyf was like i didnt have my good luck charm this year for hunting so i didnt see anything or shoot anything. He was upset. Im not a good luck charm ain’t no way. Sorry dude.

So thanksgiving is over back to campus. And so begins December. One of my other friends turned 21 as well and we all pregamed and then went to necto.. well i was faking being drunk (i was at one point but not when i was faking it obviously...)but being all i want somebody to cuddle and be with and well yeah... i ended up going to kids dorm, and we ended up watching trainspotting which was fun :) However afterwords i was like there is something between us ( and even as i type this i still get butterflies which fuck you by the way) and i think we both want this but i dont know if you do i know i do and he kept telling me to say it just say it and i was like no its pointless i cant!! and then we kissed again.. and it was great ( FUCK YOU FUCKING BUTTERFLIES AND TINGLES AND ALL THAT FUCKING SHIT) we ended up making out... that was the beginning of December..

And then all though-out December.. especially the weekends we would hang out.. we had our christmas party and we ended up going back to his dorm after and making out during Arrested Development which is why i cant fucking watch it ( well that and its still fucking stupid)

He ended up spending the night before i went home for the winter break. i was alone and didnt want to be in the dorm room alone... Whatever. but then the first of the year.

Fuck the first of the year. Fuck getting what i fucking deserved. Fuck all of this fucking shit. And fuck that person who texted me when i didnt fucking know who it was.

I deserved the text message break up. Whatever. I didnt get closure. I deserved it because i gave it. But i still hang out with this kid. Its still not okay. He does this stupid shit that used to be cute... but its not anymore... I still call them boys but i still love hanging out with them... They make me smile... as much as i say i hate this kid and i dont want to deal with him, he can still make me smile....

The boys... i like to think they would do anything for me... Its kinda weird now that im dating the other one... its weird that they do the same things... that they both skipped out on the other for me... that i cant just sleep next to them... they have to touch me or kiss me or any of that...

Maybe its good that im sick... idk

#thisismystory #mystupid #stupidstory #nobodyneedstoknow #somepeoplewillknow #imtired #nobodyneedstoknowthat #sleep #willibeableto?#whoknows

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vitalmindandbody · 7 years

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10 Simple-minded Ways To Heal A Broken Heart

I cant do this anymore.

The terms still reverberating in your ears, ricochetting around until they land like a punch in the gut. Youre instantly transported to a new world, one you didnt know existed before this moment. A world-wide and life without your beloved.

It doesnt feel real. You pinch yourself to wake up from this nightmare, but youre still here, still revolving from this declaration, this revocation of love.

Warm snaps stream down your face until you begin to sob, that terrifying uncontrollable sobbing that leaves you gasping for air. You want to hide away, cry yourself to sleep, and somehow magically feel better tomorrow.

Weve all been here. Or some modification of it. Weve all had our centers cracked and stomped on. Weve all diverted over every moment of our relations in our headings and wondered, What could I have done differently?

But we are now transported into a macrocosm where the love we seemed is grasped away from the americans and dont know what to do with ourselves other than suffers and sorrow our loss.

I recently read a work that briefly touched upon anguish and its advice mostly amounted to go out with your lovers as far as possible. WTF? Thats it? Thats how Im going to heal my mettle? Most of my lovers are scattered in all regions of the world. Becoming out with them every night isnt even a viable option.

How on globe do you turn off those kinds of impressions? What happens to affection lost? How do you mend a broken heart? I decided to investigate how to mend my own shattered heart.

In previous breakups, Ive simply idly fallen into my personal motifs of desire lost. For me, I exclaim, I stay in bed, watch bad tv, chew cookie dough, and hide away from the people who love me. I mainly dont DO anything. I sit and wait.

Because time heals all winds, right? Or does it? If occasion is a construct of our attentions, do “weve been” have to wait for the occur of period, something illusory to mend ourselves? Can we speed up the process of healing our wraps? How much is impossible to ensure our healing through our wars and blueprints?

So, instead of blindly falling into my decorations, I started to ask myself some questions about my habits. Im looking at my structures with enjoying interest, playing with them a little bit, realise what is actually acting me and determining what patterns are there exclusively because of economy, because my memory, form, and nerve are too tired for anything but pattern. And heres what Ive learned

1. Lean Into Sensation

Essentially, everything we know as physical beings comes down to sensation that we name good or bad. When I began to lean into the wizard in my body, requesting what it had to tell me, thoughts began to transform. I asked where the ache lives in my torso. I closed my eyes and supposed symbolizing my excitement. I described what it felt like in writing, how I had to remind myself to breathe and how fascinating the absence of a act- breath and love feels so heavy.

I examined the tightening in my chest, trying not to label it good or bad, just simply as superstar. Human tolerating is predominantly an expression of the results of labeling event as good or bad and right or wrong.

The thing about perception is, its ever changing. It doesnt stay forever. When we change our perspective of know-how merely being a temporary district of existence, it takes service charges out of it, simply through the simple-minded number of observation. In my own experience, the sensation itself tend to change faster the closer I look at it.

By noticing how heavy the fact that there is breath felt, I began to fill my lungs with slower, deeper breaths and learnt my entire being become a bit lighter.

2. Frankie Says Relax

Remember those t-shirts from the 80 s from Frankie goes to Hollywood? Passes out those guys had a good idea.

While this might seem a little bit self-contradictory to simply discovering perception, this practice of tightening your body has slightly different merits. We support so much better tension in our mass on a daily basis, and its even more amplified in times of high-pitched stress.

Make a practice of checking each part of your mas for tension. I like to start out lying down on my back and closing my gazes like I would for savasana. Take a couple of deep sighs, then try to contract and tense up every single muscle in your organization at once. Hold this for got a couple of seconds, then liberate the tension in your whole mas. Repeat a couple of times. I find it helpful to see the comparison in how my person tones between the tension and the relaxation.

Then take it further by slowly checking each part of your form from leader to toe. Tense up an individual muscle group for a moment, then exhaust it. Crinkle your forehead, and handout. Squeeze your eyes tight, and handout. Clench your jaw, and handout. Press your tongue to the ceiling of your opening, then make it hang loose in your mouth.

You get the picture. We all know we view so much friction and stress in our shoulders and backs, but also pay attention to the little neighbourhoods. Tightening the smallest muscle radicals, particularly in my appearance, often prepare the most difficult difference in how I seem afterwards.

3. Move It

Rest is important in mending a middle. But I often situate too much emphasis on it. Yes, I need to take care of myself with sleep and the blessing of stillness. But I now believe it is equally important to move your torso very. The medium of shift isnt important. Just move.

On day one I went to a yin yoga class. While technically moving my body, the needs of the of yin yoga are much less than read a spin class. Yin allowed me to extend my form while still allowing me to appear introverted and my existence internalized which was all I could handle.

On day two I croaked for a four mile walk in the common. I remained my headphones on and didnt talk to anyone, but extended my legs and got plenty of oxygen into my lungs.

This movement is facilitating me hinder some momentum and vigour for other aspects of “peoples lives” I dont want to placed on hold while my centre heals.

4. Reach For A Better Feeling Thought

This one can feel a bit tricky. For starters, the thought of exuberance can feel so far removed from where you are right now. So, start where you are.

If you are depressed, what next best happen can you contact for? Depression is experiencing hopeless, disheartened, retiring. There isnt even any energy around depression. Happiness and desire can feel like a world away from depression.

Can you reach for something that seems slightly better than this powerless desperation? Perhaps hope? Or wrath or storm? Most passions have more vitality behind them than hollow. While temper isnt a situate you want to stay in, it can also stimulus some movement.

What if every day you worked towards an spirit merely one step in future directions you wish to move? Take a look at the Emotional Guidance System scale I formed from Ask and it is Given below. Moving up by one spirit a daylight will put you in a pretty good region in not so long a time.

There is something else to watch out for here. In the midst of my profound bereavement, I have minutes of genuine laugh when I hear something funny. The first few meters it happened, I immediately experienced guilty.

It was as if my feeling good in any way was a disloyalty to my broken heart. My mentality was telling me that if I feel good, its as if I didnt appreciate such relationships as much as I felt I did. Well, that is hogwash. That is my hurt ego talking. My relationship mean and still signifies “the worlds” to me. Tell me be really clear on this point…

If youre having a hard time contacting for a better sensitive conception, try some visualizations. Stay away from thinks about your relationship and cherish. They are very charged topics, so start somewhere easy.

Close your eyes, thought the sentiments of the warm sunlight on your look, and cool breeze on bare shoulders. Dream the flavor of your favorite dinner on your tongue. Dream your abs hurting after a good belly laugh. Improve on this feeling with knowledge from our lives you can draw from. What in your life is full of ease and joy?

5. Surround Yourself With Reminders Of Truth, Beauty, And Love

I have a tattoo on my left forearm that enunciates Love Inspired by a blog upright called the Beauty of the Ellipsis, it serves as a reminder that ardour isnt a finished thinking. It is always in motion, ever deriving. Adoration for myself, my family, your best friend, and those Ive lost.

I have a maple seed necklace to remind me that in every moment Im planting the seeds of my future. I have prisms hanging from my windows for an extra perforate of coloring and rainbows on sunny epoches. I am gradually building a jungle in my house. I fill empty spaces with plants that remind me of life and vitality even on the grayest of days.

Fill your encircles and life with little bits that remind you of what you know to be true, beautiful, and joyful. These neednt be grandiose or expensive, just simply concepts that reverberate with you. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Flowers from Traders Joes. Pinterest board filled with beauty. Follow an inspiring Instagram or Tumblr account. Make or find a mantra. Use Canva to build and print out invigorating paraphrases to embellish your room. Croak for a step and find the perfect stone to bring home. Find a brand-new favorite aroma and spread it around your mansion liberally. Buy new stationary. Treat yourself to a book from Etsy. Draw portrait or stimulating mentions with sidewalk chalk in your vicinity. Find a neighbourhood neighbourhood to make a coffee or tea mug. Alternately, find one that impresses your imagination at Society6. Create an altar or sacred cavity and crowd it with crystals, palo santo, and offerings. Spend day with children. Find reminders of your truism and joy.

These may seem to be insignificant things that are only on the surface, but I find the more I border myself with items that experience whimsical and magical in some small-scale acces, the more Im able to remind myself of how I want to feel in each time. They help me choose to feel glee and magical when I might otherwise choose grief.

6. Self-Care Saturday( Or any era. Or every day !)

We can be quite penalize to ourselves in times of conflict and stress, so take some time to really take care of yourself in some way.

Were all busy and charged with the responsibility, but if you dont take care of yourself first, the main responsibilities can begin to suffer as a result. Im more focused and productive when Ive taken care of my necessities first. I attend to my responsibilities in a bigger and better behavior when my goblet is full , not empty.

Theres a lot of area for reading here as to what self-care consider this to be for each person. While technically, all the suggestions in this article are a species of self-care, I miss “youve got to” block off some time specifically for self-care, mining deeper into what that means for you.

Maybe its taking a long, palatial shower and spending duration pampering yourself with tinctures for your skin that move you feel radiant. It might be spending a duo hours in live animals shelter fondling with puppies and kittens. Perhaps its planning a hot stone rub. Maybe its nourishing your form with vibrant healthy food youve cooked yourself. It might be taking a couple hours to read a book thats been sitting on your nightstand for months.

Tailor your self-care and rotate it into a weekly or even daily ritual.

7. Invest in Yourself

Im willing to bet everyone has something new theyd like to try if merely they had the time, coin, or excuse.

Here is your allow stumble to try that something new.

Did you want to pick up knitting, or perhaps learn to play the guitar? Maybe memorized some bayonet abilities to hoist your prepare? Rock climbing, sky diving, paint, memorizing another language, the possibilities are interminable. You can find a class on just about whatever it is you like online these days.

As progenies, we try brand-new occasions all the time. Its how we discover and change at an exceptional charge. But this slows down as we grow up and our visual field becomes smaller as we narrow down our athletic field. So expand your compass, invest in yourself in some way, and learn something new.

The cognitive requirements of memorizing something new are also welcome to serve as a great pattern of distraction when you need a distraction. Perhaps youll be brought to an end picking up a brand-new hobby, check off another carton on your pail listing, or have a good story to tell.

8. The F wordForgiveness

Ahh, a big creepy one! The topic of forgiveness can be a fiction in itself. Perhaps there is a requirement forgive the actions of your ex, or maybe forgive yourself for your own. Or a combination of both.

We dont always like to forgive people for actions we deem incorrect or unkind because it can feel like we are giving them a free pass. But Ive became aware that maintaining onto exasperation and resentment is always worse. Its a tremendous force suck and you cant find joyful as the same duration “you think youre” feeling justified in your fury. So, I select my own gaiety over my resentment.

Its a choice to make over and over again. Its not easy to forgive in one large-hearted sweeping action. It generally happens in increments. Its helpful to practice radical rapport, vividly dreaming how it feels to be the person who did you wrong. You know most people are essentially doing the best they can with the information they have at each minute. It becomes easier to suppose why they did what they did when you put yourself in their shoes. You begin to feel more empathy for them.

You recognize that the indignation youre accommodating acts no one. And you gradually begin to let it go, piece by piece.

Because forgiveness is not for them, its for YOU.

9. Afford what you wish to receive

I was walking around, detecting like no one loves me, which is totally and completely untrue, but when youre heartbroken, your subconsciou does all kinds of irrational thoughts. I received a pal of mine berth about writing a note of encouragement to a pal, and I wished to be that friend with every fiber of my being. I wanted to open up my mailbox and receive letters of cherish, a validation of the adoration that exists for me.

I expected myself what could I do to feel that adoration? I decided to Pay what I wished to RECEIVE. I started writing words of encouragement and love to pals and strangers alike. All I had to do was write what I wanted to hear, for myself. It was that easy.

This did two things for me.

One, the brain doesnt is the difference between handing, receiving, or even witnessing magnanimity. When you perform an act of kindness, the pleasure and rewards cores light up, releasing feel good chemicals as if you were the recipient, which some psychologists have dubbed the helpers high.

Two, it demo me that we live in a macrocosm of abundance. I dont is a requirement to accumulation away love and kindness to keep it. It actually thrives when I open it away. Its generative. And often, when you demonstrate adore and kindness away, others are inspired to mirror your enjoy and kindness back to you as well as fee it forward to others.

We cannot presume to understand the dominance of the extent of what a few kind words can do for someone and its ripple effect on the world. Win win triumph!

10. Investigate Your Own Patterns

This is by no means a complete list. Merely recommendations of the start of opportunities for your own healing. The biggest occasion you can do for yourself is to get curious, examine your own personal decorations in its own experience of sorrow, and doubt each one.

Hold each one up as they sound and question Does this suffice me?

If the answer is truly yes, keep it. If the answer is no, try something new or the opposite of that first inclination. Play with the brand-new reaction, see if that one provides you better, prepares you feel better both in the present and the long term.

And most important, be gentle with yourself. There are epoch to push your borders, to peruse, and to experiment. But i still have a meter for rest and a is necessary to give. Dedicate yourself the grace to know you are where you need to be when you need to be.

Know that you wont always feel like your centre has been rent out of your chest. Lessen the distance between a shattered heart and a mended middle by experimenting with these alternatives to your motifs. One day youll open your middle again and feel the rushing of falling in love. Youll look into attentions that truly see you and reflect your feeling back to you. And youll be ready for large-scale ardour because youve already done their efforts to heal your middle.

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achanceforus-x-blog · 7 years

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My story so far

I am writing this to hopefully raise awareness and shed some light on situations people ignore or dismiss. I want to help people no matter what their going through with my words , my wisdom and inspire and give my strength to anyone who feels they have none left. My story so far .. A few major things had happened in the years before hand (Ill save these stories for another time) causing my mental health to deteriorate (such a big problem in our generation, thats just kept so secretive) Feeling lost and deflated keeping quiet about all my problems , our problems keeping shit to myself. Feeling to breathless and anxious to even leave the house for work. Falling out with friends because I was weak they thought I was stupid for all Ive put up with, a toxic relationship. Me and my long term partner would just argue and fuss and fight for hours to the point of ultimate distress on both halves. Neither of us really knew what we wanted when you've been romantic with one person for so long it can get really crazy I believe noones a bad person though I believe people only do bad things and thats the stage we were at doing bad things. The physical altercations got to much for us both it seemed as though we were killing each other slowly. Who bruises someone they love? Who try's to hurt them with wicked words? Im so done been a wicked person but we both had a bad mental state and combined it was not pretty. I lived with him and his family in not the most comfortable environment this could also spark our disagreements. Working full time jobs, missing each other , no trust in each other , assumptions , we even thought it was acceptable to lay our hands on one another at some points which is never ok on either part male or female. So with all this been said what the hell was a girl to do I felt I couldn't go home to my mother as it had been to long I was kind of brainwashed id fantasise about the days I didn't have to stay at my partners family's house anymore. One day I just became exhausted the fighting became to much and I finally stopped provoking and reacting then we remembered we can talk to each other. So after about a week of exhaustion and finally getting along again I started not to feel myself even more we got drunk at a christmas party ( I had some time of work and got drunk every day since the 16th December until just after christmas to numb my issues ) but this time we both got drunk at the party and we started loving on each other again like we had before he made a silly comment about my belly and said I had a little him in there. Which we both just laughed off drunkly as I thought yeah impossible. This comment didnt leave my mind all night then when a still slightly drunk but a more sober me woke up that comment was the first thing on my mind. I asked him what the fuck he meant?! He said he was just drunk and playing with me. Then I started to think wait I havent been feeling right for awhile I put it down to just been sad. But something kind of clicked in me I felt sick and I turned to my partner and said omg you've gotta get me a test he looked puzzled but when I explained he went to the corner shop and came back with three tests. I was terrified not to lie , id been pregnant before when I was younger and that didn't end well as they couldn't find a heartbeat .. Pure dread came into my heart and pure fear I started to feel more sick and panicked than ever. What if I lost a baby again I already accepted the fact I couldn't carry nor could I get pregnant again after the damage left and the blood transfusions and all the struggles of the time before. I didn't even want to be a mother at all , or did I ? No not Atleast until I was like 30 or something id pushed all thoughts of ever been someones mother out of my head for a while as it was to painful. Ugh why me , why didn't we glove up why did it have to feel so good why why why and then to think I had been drinking and smoking. Shit. I stopped all these thoughts and quickly manned up and took all the tests to the bathroom. All positive. Shit. Id not long started a great new job though , I was really excelling and I dont wanna be a mother and surely history would repeat itself? Were the tests right? I cant even get pregnant can I? Ive been drinking so much and smoking, ive been so sad ive been getting into scraps with my partner how far gone was I? Had we scrapped when I was pregnant? Im trapped. So many thoughts I sat in the bathroom and just let out a deep breath. Im the strongest person I know lol or am I or do I just suppress shit and abuse substances to get over the way i felt ? Either way I felt strong I know im strong after everything id been through before in the past year let alone the past few years. Okay It is what it is man. Walked out the bathroom and handed my partner all the tests we looked at each other he widened his eyes then he smiled real hard probably the most he'd smiled at me in a long time, he was happy but he was worried because he to lost his baby when I did before. We both lost the baby. It was ours and now we were faced with that feeling once again omg were pregnant wtf to do?! Not to mention We found out on new years eve!! So all of our plans cancelled. Man if this wasnt the time for me to get drunk and high I dont know what was. So we left it for a few days. We agreed to rebuild ourselves and rebuild our friendship and then out relationship. We obviously still loved and cared for each other but we had to make a pact no more toxic mess not around my baby no way no how. No More drinking for me I told myself I also stopped smoking cigarettes I was the moodiest id been in a month or so withdrawal symptoms really aint the one. I found it extremely hard to stop getting high though truthfully that had been my addiction and coping mechanism for years I felt even more lost wondering what the fuck I was gonna do without getting high everyday after work after a busy day after just having to wake up. Truly exhausting. Still only me and my partner knew our secret whilst I struggled to come to terms with it. At work I had the worst morning sickness ever I wont post to much about this but my job included me having to be really hands on and alert at all times It was getting real tough. I needed to tell someone. I told my manager their reaction wasn't really what I needed I guess they felt I was deliberately(damn it took spell check along time to figure out wtf I was just tryna spell) deliberately ruining their business. Great. And more exhaustion and more morning sickness. I need my mom Yo. The next day I went to my moms house and just came right out with everything she was shocked , happy , scared because of last time of course. My darling mom man I missed her she reacted just how Id wanted her to by getting my shits together telling me I had to make decisions from now and ultimately booking me a private paid scan for the next evening to check everything was ok. Work on this day was the worst all I could think about was whether I was gonna see that little heartbeat or whether it would have stopped like last time, like last time like last time all i kept thinking was like last time. Jesus get me the fuck out of here It was going slow though because I was clock watching. Finally it was time to leave i was outta there in no time I felt so sick driving to the scan place we picked up my partner It was just us three I could tell my mom and him were terrified to but they were just tryna be happy and make me laugh but i literally couldn't even speak I just felt so weird , silence please until we get this over with. So we arrive at the place and I swear my feet stopped working and my legs like I couldn't even get out of the car, mom helped me. Okay this is it. There was like a ten minute wait for the sonographer it felt more like ten fucking hours. Id zoned anyway I didnt know what anyone was saying and if they were talking to me I wasnt listening, finally they called me. We got into the scan room and oh my life Ive never experienced fear like it I personally thought I was fearless nothing scared me but this did. My mom literally had to lift me onto the bed and pull up my top for the scan and then explain to the sonographer Id had a bad experience in the past. My partner looked at me and smiled but I could see past his smile I could tell he was fucking shit scared just like me so he came and held my hand she rubbed the cold jelly on my stomach and began to look around Id covered my eyes by this point cos in my head I thought well at least this time if theres no heartbeat I wouldn't have to see it. I heard people talking my mom , the sonographer , some other woman in the back supervising I just wasnt listening to what they were saying my mom stood up and took my hands from my eyes and said its okay look! I looked and there was my beautiful little bean with the strongest heartbeat ive ever saw the sonographer turned to me and said your only eight weeks so not far gone at all but they have a real strong heartbeat and so far everything looks fine. I just froze and started sobbing. My little bean I couldn't believe it they printed us some scan pictures and I prized myself up of their bed and we went back to my moms house on the way back I was sick all over myself in the car in my new tracksuit that was really something. A part of me just couldn't believe I had a living thing inside of me. Wow got to my moms house cleaned up and ate some food and we talked and we made decisions and I told her I didn't wanna be a mother and she told me really it was tough and I should of thought about it before I didnt use protection. Lol typical thanks mom though I needed that. So I should have been relaxed cos there was a heartbeat but all I kept thinking about was would they even make it another week inside me I really didnt believe I was capable of bringing another life into this world. She dropped us back to my partners families house were we lived and my partner told his family they were happy for us his mother especially. We sat in our bedroom and I just cried on him for abit then he made a spliff and I had a few drags ( I know its bad but try not to judge me ) id read marijuana could help with sickness . Yeah anything to make it sound better. Fast forward a little bit to a week or so and I had a couple of appointments at the hospital due to what had happened before they wanted to double check me and see if I was okay. My manager was not at all happy about how many appointments I was having constantly making sly remarks and comments giving me the silent treatment telling me I was causing them to have to find cover. My initial thoughts whatever trevor I'm still here still working still trying my best your the least of my worries and just ignored them and looked forward to going to bed as the exhaustion was unreal Id never felt a tiredness like it honestly. Fatigue. Back at my partners house him and his mother had had a few disagreements lately and then one night it got really bad and a lot of harsh things were said and eventually she told him he had till the end of the week to get out. What ! I was shocked where was I gonna go ? All pregnant and shit clearly I had to go with him I hadnt left his side at the best of times never mind staying somewhere he'd been kicked out of. Weird shit I made the split second decision and told him lets leave now we grabbed a few bits we needed for the next couple days and left right there and then. Where we gonna go !? My partner asked I didnt even know I just knew I didnt wanna stay there any longer. I called my mom and briefly explained she didnt have a clue what I was talking about it was half eleven at night and everyone had work early in the morning she just said yes then we turned up at her house at midnight , a couple of lost puppies like hey. She just made sure we were okay we'd ate and we had somewhere to sleep with all her blankets and pillows. Fast forward a little bit I really wanted to move into our own place so I started saving over half my wages for the next two months and just stacking up buying things for the place we found , he was saving to , we'd saved more money then than in our whole lives , I mean it seemed real easy I wasnt buying bottles of alcohol all the time I wasnt buying cigarettes I wasnt buying weed no clothes cos I figured id just grow out of them soon anyway so my money was literally untouched so saving and buying household goods was all me for the next few weeks. I wasnt happy but I was at peace. We viewed a flat and I knew it was the one man I just didnt think we stood a chance as it was in a posh area and quite expensive and we were not posh and you know how landlords would stereotype a young black couple so I really began to give up hope of finding somewhere. But then they called and told us the place was all ours and we could come and collect the keys in two weeks I was so happy we were happy, it felt like things were finally gonna go right. The day before I was due to move in my manager dismissed me unfairly due to pregnancy discrimination. It didn't come as much of a shock because of all the shit id put up with them since telling them I was pregnant, but I couldnt believe people could actually do this stuff to people. It was disgusting I was so mad and now breaking down because I didnt even know if id be able to afford to live in our beautiful new home. All the stuff we'd brought and I didnt wanna be a young mom living in at my mothers house it was all just to much once again I manned up and realised I had alot of savings and still had another wage to come my way and some unpaid holiday so I was going to be okay until that ran out. Of course my partner works hard and he could pay everything but that is not something I wanted either so I made sure to even out my savings to last until the summer by then id be receiving maternity pay anyway. I was terrified for the 12 week scan as alot of pregnancies dont make it to the 2nd trimester all I could think about was what I had lost before I just couldn't accept anything good would happen for me so once again sick and nervous I went to my next scan and there it was again a beautiful little heartbeat , so strong and the way they were wiggling about in me on the scan I still just could not believe it more scan photos were given and I left feeling abit happier once again still filled with terror and worry. I began to wonder whether or not id ever be able to enjoy been pregnant and if it was even worth it worth putting on the fake smiles every day worth looking at my changing body going from been super underweight hardly , controlled eating basically not eating at all - when I was sad cos It was the only thing I felt I had control over , to having no choice but to eat constantly all the time even through all the horrible morning sickness that FYI doesnt just fucking occur in the mornings. Ugh. Whatever. I have no choice for me pregnancy felt horrible its a really weird experience I didn't understand how women skipped about with their big bellies all happy and excited cos I was not happy or excited I loved my baby of course but It filled me with dread to think I could be growing them but never get to meet them again I just was not prepared for this at all and Im twenty years old. Isnt that old enough? Hell no. But theres nothing I can do. Fast forward 16 weeks pregnant and received news you can pay for a private scan to reveal the gender. So basically to put it blunt I thought everytime I had another scan I wouldnt see the babies heartbeat sounds paranoid and ridiculous and surely after three scans id calm down . Nope it got worse for me. So of course I wanted to find out the gender but for me it was just another way to see if the baby was still alive in me. The day of my gender scan I actually had an appointment with the midwife to listen to the heartbeat. So i went into that terrified as well my midwife knew how scared I was and dealt with me really nicely she eased me into it and then I heard my beautiful baby's heartbeat for the first time. Oh my God it was shocking I felt breathless I was listening to my baby's heartbeat. (Ive just noticed excuse my poor grammar throughout I never liked school lol) but that heartbeat the most special thing to me its all I could think about. Then in the evening when it came to my private scan I was still terrified at finding their heartbeat even though id heard it literally a few hours before! It was then that I realised I actually had a real problem. But whatever suppressed that again and readied myself for what they were saying in the scan. So I brought along my sister my dad my mom my partner and my bestfriend as you were paying you could have five people in the room lol. This if your highly nervous I wouldnt recommend they were all so excited and happy I just couldnt figure out how they were so excited and happy whilst I was miserable and terrified. So on the scan table the cold jelly again and then the sonographer started to feel around I covered my eyes again of course like I did every scan then got the all clear that there was a heartbeat then started to watch it was beautiful I couldnt get over the fact a little human was inside my belly so weird so magical wow. The sonographer asked so do you want to know the sex my family were all like wooo yeahh I didnt say anything just half heartedly smiled all of a sudden then sonographer told me its a girl!!! Oh my God. I had a little girl growing inside me a mini me. I sobbed abit again. Unreal my very own little daughter. So overwhelming that I actually started to feel really upset thats another thing about been pregnant these raging hormones noone warns you about this stuff I swear. So we were having a little girl (something my partner had said all along) and I was still not happy. I started to feel really selfish and bad. I explained I felt lonely I dont know how when I wasn't alone but it was just not a great feeling at all I really needed help I started to act irrationally and like an emotional wreck I definitely needed to accept some help so a week or so later I spoke up and was referred to a mental health midwife. Which to me sounded dramatic as fuck. But cos id struggled with mental health before it was something they had recommended anyway but stubborn old me didn't take the help. But now it was official I was dealing with antenatal depression like a constant feeling of impending doom I just couldn't be happy ever again could I? At Least not until my daughter was in my arms. I dont do talking or taking sad pills I couldn't drink I couldn't get high or control my eating like before not to mention I couldnt just have the maddest sex session either as I was scared that would harm my baby to. Ugh. I couldn't do nothing man because I was pregnant so my stress went straight to my head all everyone kept saying was dont stress you'll stress out the baby. Like really thank fuck you just said that never thought of that before. I literally couldnt listen to people and their stupid comments I just tried to accept they were trying to help and whatever they were saying was in my best interest. Okay Now this is were my story so far gets real fucked up. Ive been trying to think how to word this since before even starting to write this. Writing it in my head over and over but this is were it gets really personal to me. We're almost up to the current point in my story so far to. So 19 weeks pregnant I am terrified (surprise) for my next scan next week, its the 20 week scan it looks at your baby and your inside properly in abit more detail and sees if things are forming the way they should with the baby and with the umbilical cord, the placenta, the sack of fluid baby is in just all sorts of things. So of course im fearing the worst noone gets why I always fear the worst but I did it before been pregnant anyway so now im pregnant it just made it that bit worse for me. Im showing now by the way got a right little belly going on lol my moms started with a baby box , little socks her first teddy , a couple outfits she even managed to convince me to buy my little girl something I brought her some girly dinosaur baby grows as Id never saw dinosaurs for girls before and I loved it. So this beautiful little baby girl box. I looked through now and again and I wouldnt say I got used to been pregnant but I started to feel her little movements her little swimming and butterfly movements in my tummy so as much as Id tried to stay detached incase of any loss I was attatched whether I liked it or not. My baby girl. I pictured what shed look like , where id take her , what me and my partner would be like with a baby and what a daddy he would be. Holidays with her and just the rest of my life with her. My saviour she'd even made me able to forgive my partner and to care a lot less about the silly little things in life when I think about it she's the only reason Id found a way to want to live again, like she'd given me a purpose like I didnt need to have my eating disorders anymore or get high or get drunk all I needed was to feel her move. I dreamed about kissing and feeling her skin for the first time, I just couldnt believe id been given the opportunity from God to bring one of his angels onto the earth. Had me really in my feelings and thats not me at all. Crazy shit. Anyway back to the scan. Im 21 weeks and 3 days now and its the day of my scan to see if everything's okay me and my partner are nervous of course but im with my mom and him again and there telling me everything's gonna be fine and I just need to chill out. So we get into the scan I cover my eyes once again and then the doctor tells me theres a heartbeat , a strong heartbeat. so I open my eyes and start to look his scanning all over explaining what he can see so far then he goes quiet and starts to scan the same place over and over again, her heart. So I just get a feeling somethings wrong. A single tear comes out my eye and I just lye on the bed waiting for him to say something to give me some information , finally he says im just going to get a second opinion. Thanks for all that info Dr fucking who. My mom and my partners faces they look so sad , so sad for me for them for us all man we dont understand whats going on were just waiting for them to say something more. Two doctors come in the room and scan her heart again shes wriggling all over the place at this point sucking her thumb , waving her arms. I just cant look at the screen anymore I cant bring myself to look at her. The doctor says im so sorry but we suspect she has hypo plastic left heart syndrome, well fuck me. From when he said im so sorry I just couldnt breathe again I didnt even know what the fuck he meant but im scared and im upset and im desperate. My partner looks so sad to. I just feel so bad I just want to apoligize to everyone I just dont understand why I cant do this one thing a women's supposed to do. So the doctor gives us some notes and refers us to a fetal medicine scanner to confirm the diagnosis. Basically the left side of her heart hadn't formed properly he told us what to look at online and what to read etc. I just couldnt believe it. I felt like a fool for ever believing something good could happen for me for us. So we left thinking we had nothing left. I had already started grieving and she wasnt even gone! I was grieving like she was though I just lost all hope. Reading up on the syndrome it means she will need open heart surgery at just a few hours old, then another open heart surgery at around 7 months if she was even to make it through the first op. Then another open heart surgery at 2/3 years old. Then eventually a heart transplant as her heart will never work like a normal heart and it can never be fixed. Well ill be damned. I spent the next few days until the fetal medicine scan breaking down in the shower and staying in bed anything I was doing included bed I didnt wanna leave bed I didnt wanna talk to anyone I was defeated. I couldn't bring myself to go into the room with that damn baby box. Fetal medicine scan day. Which are more skilled doctors sonographers that specify in looking at problems and confirming them. By this point id given up been scared before the scan as I was scared everyday. Waking up was like hearing the diagnosis all over again because as soon as I opened my eyes I would remember. So the doctors scanned and it was confirmed hypoplastic left heart syndrome my poor baby girl thinking of everything shes gonna have to deal with. How long would I know her? If I got to know her at all would she even survive the first op? Second? Third? What the fuck. Why me? Why me and my baby Im a good person Ive done a few bad things but ive dealt with more bad Jesus why me ? Did I really not deserve a break I just couldnt believe my luck. They offered me three options. Termination. Which I considered for a little while as I believed it would hurt less if I lost her now than loosing her when Id met her. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have lost and never loved? What kind of shitty statement is that I dont even know what to think anymore. I decide if shes still fighting then I have to fight with her I cant just give up hope for my baby girl. So cancel out that option. Next. They offer the three stages of the operations but thats not including any complications and operations to fix anything else that goes wrong oh and also my baby has to weigh over 5 pounds to be able to have these operations anyway and cant have any chromosomal issues such as down syndrome or Edwards syndrome then they really cant operate at all and nature just has to take its way. And the last option was compassionate care so when my baby's born they help us plan the funeral and give us extra support. To me all these options were fucked the fuck up and I just didnt want to have to choose any of them. We had like a week to make a decision until we met with the cardiologist who would explain my little girls problems in more depth as every baby is different of course and look in depth at her little heart. See if it was even possible to operate how much damage was actually done. Well fuck me. I seriously didnt even know this condition existed and neither did my family and friends. I couldn't help but just feel grief and defeat. But as long as my daughter kept fighting I knew that I was going to so we picked the second option deciding to go through with the operations if that was a possibility for her. Appointment over. I couldnt even bring myself to look at my stomach that night truth be told i couldn't even look at myself at all. I just felt like a failure If i couldn't do this what could I do? I thought about how my life will never be the same ever again as most babies take up to three months to leave the hospital if they even get to at all how much we'd have to be in the hospital for the rest of her life. Weve been dealt some real shit cards. Cant I just give her some of my heart? Cant my partner give some of his heart? We would give her anything she needed. Not possible. Ive tried to think of how to explain the next week to you guys but its impossible to put into words for me it felt like been in a box in the deepest point of the sea and seeing a random submarine in the distance but if you try to scream to get its attention you'd drown. Although that comparison is shitty because nothing could compare to the way I was feeling. Grief pure grief and heart break, I didnt know why God kept testing me but I also didnt want to question him. Cardiologist appointment arrived and in we went again to check over our baby. So her little heart is underdeveloped and the right side is doing everything for the left side. Everything else looks fine her growth is normal and her movements. The biggest problem though her heart. Now there are four severe things that could be wrong with her heart adding to her syndrome meaning she is unable to have the operation and she only had one of them. Her areola a small vaule to the heart was only 1mm big which will make it harder for the surgeons performing her operation. So it makes a high risk operation even more high risk. Then the cardiologist started coming at us with statistics and they sounded real shit , any hope I'd had left she knocked it the fuck out of me. Information overload I just couldnt believe what I was hearing still all I kept thinking about was how long we're going to know her for I mean we still dont know what were dealing with properly until shes here anyway all we know is she has a 25/75 chance of survival with the op . And a even lower chance without the op. So much to take in. We were told a charity named little hearts matter would get in touch with us and that we could go and visit parents or surviving babies after the op and then we would go and have a look at the children's hospital where our baby will be transported to straight after birth ( I wont even get to hold her until after the op ) blah blah blah just more words that hurt and I just wanted to get into bed. Left that appointment feeling worse than when we went in. I cried a hell of alot that night to in the shower were I felt I could just sit with the freezing cold water hitting me trying to wake me up out of this emotional daze I had dropped into. I went a walk and contemplated just jumping into the moving traffic so me and her could just be free together in a better place. No I refuse to sink. After that I realised most people my age could not put up with half the stuff I've been through hell people twice my age couldn't. I remembered I was super strong (more so than ever before) and that my daughter was just as strong as her mommy. The next day we spoke with the charity and now theres a lovely lady who calls me to see if were okay and how baby's doing. And I have more hope than ever I believe everything is going to be okay in the end and God only tests his strongest people. My baby girl is my will to live and she keeps me strong and she now kicks me real hard every single day her daddy feels and sees her kicks and so do my family and friends. She's so beautiful and strong im now 25 weeks and waiting on more scans I have to have one every two weeks and endless appointments monitoring her. Im a high risk pregnancy but I'm okay for the first time in a while and whenever I have a down day and cry a little my baby makes sure to kick me so I know she doesnt want her mommy to be sad. Dont get me wrong nothing is cured certainly my despair and broken heart for her broken heart, some days I feel like I can take on the world and anything it throws my way and other days I cant imagine loosing my little darling , it really hurts not knowing how long I may know her for. But I just have to accept life is an amazing gift no matter how short or long. And although I'm to young to be dealing with all this shit I'm making it my mission to deal with all of this shit just for my girl. And I hope to raise awareness on alot of issues raised in my post. Ill be writing more when the times right and thankyou for listening x https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1700345300267324&id=1696783053956882 https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=mental+health+helpline_p&utm_content=41730113956&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=p&utm_campaign=384715930_mobile&ad_type=text&adposition=1t1&gclid=CK7R9-e03tMCFcy37QodO20LaA&gor=start-go&fv=d http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/antenatal-depression http://mensadviceline.org.uk https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/ My story so far ! .. Stay tuned. #mentalhealth #awareness #littleheartsmatter #speak #useyourvoice #love #follow #strong #pleaseread #story

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