Feeling down? Ryusei blue will save you ☆
Kanata Shinkai x Reader anxiety comfort !
A/N - I had an anxiety attack in spanish today and am very very tired from such so… self indulgent kanata. ALSO ITS MY FIRST TIME WRITING KANATA SO MIGHT BE OOC?? idk at this point i like the way this came out so ill continue to write him like this
TW - Anxiety attacks
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Short, shaky and shallow breaths left your mouth as you tightened your grasp on your sleeves in a desperate attempt to somewhat control your quivering. You tried to focus on the sheet of homework in front of you, but even thinking about schoolwork felt overwhelming. Everything was overwhelming.
You lifted your hands to reach for your pencil, slowly and uncertainly twirling it between your fingers in hopes of finding some calm, but the racing thoughts wouldn’t quiet.
It was too much.
Something in you gave up on trying to calm down. you could feel hot little tears prickling at the corners of your face, which only made your heart rate spike at the thought of somebody seeing you cry in class.
That was so lame. You hated when people thought lowly of you.
It was scary.
You sucked in a breath, only becoming more shaky after noticing the choked noise your dry throat made when you opened your mouth to breathe. Oh god. What if somebody heard it? What if the teacher got mad? What if—? Oh god, oh god, oh god—
“Professor~?”
You glanced upwards, eyes wet as you did so. You watched as the professor paused his scribbling on the board. “Hm? What is it, Shinkai?”
You blinked, taking another shaky breath as you bounced your leg with haste. for some reason feeling the need to listen as intently as possible, which temporarily stopped your mind from trailing elsewhere.
“Ah-… I don’t feel too well… Can I have a friend walk me to the main office~?” You felt yourself let out a slight, wobbly smile- Something about Kanata’s voice was incredibly calming to your static nerves.
The professor shrugged, turning back to continue writing notes down on the board and mumbling something of a ‘whatever, sure’ as he did so.
You let out a relieved sigh, although you were unsure as to why you cared. After a moment of peace, your mind caught back up to you, and you felt the quiver in your body start up again as you scratched your sleeve, trying for no particular reason to dig your nails into it.
You bowed your head back between your knees, breaths speeding up again until you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jolt.
“C’mon~”
Kanata was smiling at you, putting the exact amount of pressure on your shoulder where it felt comforting. He extended his other hand to you, silently inviting you out of class, which was about the only thing you wanted in that moment.
With a moment’s hesitation, which Kanata seemed infinitely patient with, you shakily took his hand and let him take you out into the hall, keeping one hand on your shoulder the whole time. He didn’t seem to mind the fact that you were shaking to the point where someone who didn’t know better might think you were vibrating, and seemed to have no judgement in his eyes whenever you sniffled a bit.
The moment the door of the classroom closed behind you, he carefully removed his uniform blazer and placed it on your shoulders.
“Do you want to go to the fountain to calm down~?”
His voice alone made you feel a bit better, and the idea of getting fresh air sounded very calming. You nodded shakily, letting out a quiet ‘Thank you’ before he smiled at you and waved his hand dismissively and took your hand again, walking you outside to where the school fountain stood. The walk there was silent, except for the occasional humming from Kanata, and he had an air around him that made it easier to destress.
After a moment, you found yourself in front of the fountain, where Kanata wasted no time in sitting down in the water, humming his little ‘puka puka’ before smiling at you.
“Are you feeling better?” He asked, patting the ledge of the fountain for you to sit down at.
“Y- Yeah-…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say much, but it was true- your heart rate was slowly but surely slowing back to its usual pace, and you weren’t shaking quite as violently. Kanata smiled again, which set your mind at peace before he floated over near the ledge where you now sat.
“You don’t have to tell me what got you so anxious, but please feel free to if you so desire~” He hummed, reaching one hand to place over yours. It was wet, but you didn’t particularly mind as it was warm enough outside not to be uncomfortable. “It’s okay to feel afraid sometimes,” He continued, absentmindedly tracing shaped on your hand with his index finger as he spoke. “Just keep that in mind. No matter what happens, me and the rest of us in Ryuseitai will support you~”
Coming from Kanata, that was enough to properly calm you. You were still shaken up, but as he proceeded to drop his entire body under the water for a second so he could blow bubbles at you from underneath, you couldn’t help but crack a smile, and a moment later you were laughing.
Maybe you’d be alright for today.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ─── End
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Why can’t most men just be normal like stop being a fucking pig towards woman, stop touching them without their consent, stop violating us and making us feel uncomfortable. I hate that I feel like I’m a target cuz I’m shy and anxiety reddened, why should I feel fucking guilty and depressed and annoyed and frustrated for what you did? I swatted your hand away because you made me feel fucking uncomfortable, don’t fucking touch me weirdo, everything was going fine until you had to fucking do that, then I justified it and shooed it away like it was nothing but I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I talked to my close family about it and they said it was fucking weird.
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howdy y'all,
if you haven't noticed, i deleted my nsfw blog, i have been struggling with mental health a lot since the beginning of January. I will probably make a new account to replace this one. (still keeping the account just less active on it) i'll still be reblogging posts, i just won't be creating my own personal posts.
my instagram will also have no posts/new posts until i feel ready.
during this time, i will be starting my healing journey.
love you all and see you soon 🖤
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