#but idk if they can even help me or just tell me its no use its luck after all the other stuff ur already doiny

[hayakawapartner]

aki with a s/o with chronic pain . . .

!!! this post is sfw, but minors dni with this post/blog !!!

notes: gn!disabled!reader, this is self indulgent i tried to make this fitting for more general chronic pain! reader might come across as ehlers danlos-coded (is that a thing?? weird thing for me to type)

aki is already so sweet and caring with you, of course he would be helpful when your chronic pain flares up.

he notices that you’re moving a bit slower, taking shorter steps, taking a longer time to get up from your seat… and he’s immediately there to help

VERY quick to ask what you need, but he also tries to offer your usual solutions

“where does it hurt? do you need a heating pad? painkillers? tiger balm? do you want me to run a warm bath?”

if you have fluctuating mobility/occasionally use a mobility aid, he does his best to keep everything in a convenient spot for you. crutches near the bed so you can slide your arms in and get up with a bit more ease, rollator in a place where you don’t trip but it’s easy to access…

he was initially Overly Careful with you so he didn’t aggravate your pain further, but as he grows used to your needs, he’s still careful but he’s not scared of breaking you like he used to be

kisses the back of your neck while gently massaging your sore joints/muscles, murmuring soft “i love you”s and “you’re gonna be okay”s while he’s rubbing tiger balm onto your sorest spots

if he hears your joints pop he gets really nervous until you specify if it was a good/bad pop

if a spot is too sore, he won’t touch it in case he hurts you even more.

and if you just Can’t get out of bed for the day? he calls off from work to take care of you. brings you comfort food, helps you to the bathroom when you need it, makes sure you’re hydrated and taking your meds…

SPEAKING OF MEDS. this man is so good at reminding you

“did you forget to take your meds? maybe you should take them now, love. it’ll help you feel less sore.”

he’s very careful to make sure he doesn’t shame you for forgetting meds, for needing help, for being in pain. he just does whatever he can to make sure you’re okay and empathises with your complaints about your aches.

while he hates seeing you in pain during a flare-up, he becomes extra doting just to make sure your needs are met. cooks your fav comfort meal, makes sure all your pillows are soft and arranged to keep you comfy, refills your water bottle whenever it’s almost empty, etc.

he’s just so loving… aaauuuu

#aki hayakawa #aki hayakawa x reader #disabled reader #op #ive been having a lot of flareups due to the weather recently :’) rain my fucking beloathed #so this thought has been massively comforting to me #this was written 99% for self indulgence so it is based on my own personal experiences #but i tried to make it a lil broader and include things i dont use so others can enjoy :-) #i use forearm crutches sometimes + cant take many painkillers so tiger balm is my bestest friend #btw just a tip. if you cant afford tiger balm? get coralite from the dollar store! same pain relief (i use the patches) #akiiii please help me put pain patches on my back and tell me its going to be okay…… cries and cries and CRIES #maybe ill make an eds-specific version for even more self indulgence #also i wanted to include aki carrying you since i like tht for me but idk if others like tht when it comes to chronic pain so. left tht out #i might write more disabled/disabled-coded reader stuff later #this was just me being sore at 1am and throwing my thoughts out #or maybe ill write more aki things since i like him very much #going to post this and sleep. GOODNIGHT HAYAKAWA NATION 💪 #imagine

[starswallowingsea]

having thoughts about what makes an interesting idol rhythm game

#i can expand upon it but i think its mostly like. what's the gimmick it's using and how is it executing it #like enstars you have the 3d mvs that you can put whoever you want in and have different outfits to put them in #d4dj you have the dj booth layout that you play with and it utilizes it very well #hypmic is a rap based game entirely and also utilizes record scratching imagery in its gameplay #and then proseka and bandori. proseka's gimmick is very obviously like vocaloids #but in the game play its trying to be too many things and failing at all of them #they have some 3d mvs but the layout of the beat maps makes them like #not really. something i notice when i played it. bc the way they have the map layout set up it kinda grays out the video #which means you might as well not have it on. for enstars the lanes are entirely transparent #so you can see the mv clearly as you play if you have 3d mv on u know #and then like. idk the proseka gameplay just feels brutal. #mostly because it times when you lift off the hold notes and literally no other game does this #even games that use goods as combo breakers like hypmic dont fucking do that #also i do appreciate the flick notes in hypmic being just. flick whereever feels natural #helps a lot while playing to just flick whichever way you want #but anyway yeah i think proseka is relying too much on the vocaloid schtick and people just ignore the atrocious game play #like d4dj does straight lane better. hypmic and enstars are both ring lanes that do their gimmicks well #i do not like proseka can u tell #i didnt play enough bandori to really tell u whats going on there but i did not like the layout for their game #and its made by the same people who make proseka so like. no hope for me getting into it #anyway #shay speaks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit #we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today #luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying #so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem #canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine #think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say #but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart #i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here? #what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this? #why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess #its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks. #idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad #it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl #like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this #i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away #i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster #unrelated

[caffeinatedopossum]

I honestly don't think I was capable of fully understanding how dangerous restricting was until after I had been in recovery for like 8 months already. And I sadly really mean that. I worry about you guys :((

#i dont mean this in a condescending way i mean this in a i literally had brain damage from my ed way #if you dont care if you die or not thats one thing. but believe me when i tell you this: #your ed will not kill you fast. it will take 10+ years of physical and psychological torture. and yes i mean torture thats not exaggeratio #and if you decide in ten years that its not worth and you want to recover thats awesome of course #but theres a high likelihood of irreversible damage at that point #it doesnt take a lot to make your body sick #not nearly as much as i think you guys think #the things you're sacrificing are not under your control. you didnt choose to be sick and you do deserve to be helped #we all make it out one way or another #i just hope you guys make it out sooner than i did #because no one deserves that and i mean it. not even me #the things your ed can do to you arent even talked about. not in media not even in a lot of anorexia forums #not even by the doctors that treat them #after a few years of restricting even if you havent lost weight your body is damaged #your brain is damaged. a lot of the damage is reversible but some of it inevitably wont be #idk i know fear mongering isnt going to help any of you #i just get really mad that there arent better resources and treatments for us out there #i may be just one person but i mean this with all of my heart #i hope you find better days and health and carefree mornings and nights without the shroud of obsessive thoughts #and warmth and love and the mental clarity and strength to keep fighting #you all mean so much to me #and this blog will always be a safe space for people struggling with eds wether they want to recover or not #please take care of yourselves

[gifti3]

Im in such an obey me mood today haha

other than "pls dont tell asmo about that",,,, i have questions about these freaking vegetables (im putting under the cut since im talking about food and bad eating habits/diet related stuff)

im assuming they would have to be mixed with other regular ingredients to prevent the hunger but it sounds like ppl would use them as the main component in a dish or just eat them by themselves

So does all of it get digested? No leftovers (waste) comes out the other end im guessing? is it like a magic type thing?? it has to be right? Cause if not...ur body will take the calories needed to replace the ones burnt, take the nutrients, and the rest will just get tossed out

And since it doesnt make you full, like wouldnt it be way too easy to overeat this type of thing? so you could accidentally end up making urself go to the restroom more often :/

Ig if it gives u the nutrients u need that itll be useful then. So maybe its a 'heres ur macros for the day' type dealo? but u still have to go eat an actual meal or make sure u mix it with other stuff tho

#ik its just a silly joke type text but i do like to take these things and overthink them and apply them to real life #its just interesting to me cause ik the answers will never come so its like a brain exercise or something #eating disorder tw #just to be safe #but yea.................. #im gonna just go off in the tags cause im just wondering about when this would be useful cause regular veggies are the better choice to me #ig that could be useful in a very specific circumstance where you went over calories but still need certain macros..but like...its veggies #going over for some for veggies isnt that big a deal imo but if ur mostly concerned with deficit then ud cut anywhere u can... #u could also like use it to lessen the calories in the dish overall and maybe add more of the ingredients u actually like #tho i feel like it would not remove that many calories in the first place #and ud probably wouldnt even get to add that much more of what u actually want in comparison #and then...ur gonna be hungry cause u took away a big volume of the food which was the regular vegetables #but for me when im making food the last thing im worried about in my dish is the freaking vegetables #im trying to add more veggies and less of everything else ._. #i feel like this would make more sense if it was like a sugary treat #especially if this is supposed to be a thing that helps with cravings #u get to eat and enjoy the thing without consequence (for the most part) while eating a more restrictive diet #tho it would probably be even more dangerous than the veggies when it comes to overeating... #idk how the demon biology works but it seems about the same to humans but just more durable #and with asmos eating habits...i can already see in my minds eye whats gonna go down #it just seems like a bad idea all around to tell him about this! #obey me nightbringer

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[hauntingblue]

Inept 8 year old boy dragon tries to save floating island is such a concept

#momo just tell him!!! you've done this before!!! yeahhh #'this roof ain't big enough for the both of us' #luffy just telling momo to throw him something too akdhakaj this is back to how he was with koby but it worked so... #just grow some balls man!!! if he can spit something so can you!! BITE HIM!!! AHEKAHQK HE DID IT!!!! YEAHHH!!!! #he drew blood omg.... hell yes..... just be careful he doesn't bite back #luffy's exposure therapy is so effective. worlds greatest psychologist i have been saying this. #also nekomamushi and inuarashi better not die. i am also saying this. #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1050 #me as baby chopper crying. actually and for real. #i don't have any points to prove for this but sanji and zoro look married in wano. idk man. i can just feel it. #i remember several episodes ago i was complaining about the missmatch of the colors on luffy.... i forgor why the band is purple.... qjwjaj #the music.... slay #i might be getting the luffy worms again i feel so insane..... what do you mean the sky parted.... omg neko and inu.... KICK THEIR ASSES!!!! #luffy fighting kaido and he still has time to boss momo and yamato around ajdbaks and roast him too lmao #momo thinking about kinemon and kiku.... #PEROSPERO AND JACK FINALLY!!!!!!!!! carrot omg..... pedro avenged ✔️ now fucking orichi.... how many heads does he have left..... #why is luffy turning supersayian aldjaksn #episode 1051 #just saw trafalgay written on a comment and idk if its on purpose or a misspelling but thags so funny akshaksjaka #yamato and momo father-son bonding time <3 teaching him how to be a dragon... so sweet #also the race of people that could set themselves on fire on mariejoa??? kinda random dropping it in there but alas... ✍️✍️ #zoro didn't want franky to help but there he goes.... out of onigashima... a good franky fart would have prevented that... #petition to rename coup de burst to franky fart. like why is it even in french. he is A YANKEE. #episode 1052 #boy dragon sounds like boy genius. who wants to join my band

[oscill4te]

everything always peaks me. then im on the other side, see so much hostility, just as bad as what peaked me, and its like nvm. damn. oscillation at its finest.....

#i made a post like this before but i fell into a very bad trap where i just ranted about “both sides” and thats never really helpful #i think there is just a lot of “us VS them” in this world. no one is ever willing to hear others out. they just look at characteristics #of yours and make broad assumptions about you. #i dont know. i feel like everyone in my generation is so willing to jump for your throat these days for different opinions #its their right of course; but i dont know. its like if you have even a slightly different opinion on something; you cant discuss it 2gethe #i want to meet some other fellow normies man; idk #and i say that as someone who isnt really “normal” in most peoples eyes #but i can chill and talk with ppl who have diff opinions from me as long as... they arent super hostile and think in black&white... #mostly feminism and lgbt stuff im talking abt here but yeah. i just want this world to be safe for women & lgbt+ folks yknow #i base a lot of my opinions on that #im trying to just. not care anymore. im just a human at the end of the day and so is everyone else #everything feels so black and white. i just want to belong somewhere. i dont know. #my parts all have different opinions on things so i never have a stable stance on anything #i just try to have compassion and reduce my cognitive dissonance as much as possible #that led me to veganism. lgbt rights. feminism. but even within these groups there is so much hate and fighting #i cant pretend i dont fall into the black and white thinking but i always actively try to challenge it #i tell myself: the world is not out to get you. but why does it feel like it is? clearly everyone else feels like that too

[molluskzone-moving]

i hate being called male terms or even receiving masculine compliments sometimes (i especially hate the word handsome...) but for some reason getting called boyfriend makes me 😳

#especially if its teasing like... okay... can i take your hand in marriage #wont be ur husband tho im your wife but your boyfriend too. *gerard way voice* and ALSO... ur girl #ive always hated masculine compliments for everyone basically. its why you always see me calling ppl pretty or beautiful here #even when i was a kid and my mom would b asking me about male celebritie id always just go 'that ones pretty i guess' #and then shed say 'omg boys arent pretty' well im NOT calling that thing handsome #also dont like the word gorgeous #if i say pretty it means ur attractive. if i say cute it means im in love w u. if i say beautiful??? i am imagining us getting married #those r the only compliments i will give based on appearance the other ones are just weirddd #well ok hate is a strong word i dont HATE male terms #i just used to rlly distance myself from bein a woman and it was harmful for me in the long run i think #so like ehhh idk i dont like it :/ #plus people irl being super weird about my gender. cannot comprehend that i am in fact a girl #insist on not using she/her for me EVEN WHEN i explicitly tell them that i use those prnouns #like. huh??? #who is that supposed to help... #im so jaded atp id rather get called he than they #just by the amount of people who ignore boundaries and call me they bc theyre. uncomfortable with gnc women i guess??? #sorry if this comes across insensitive but honestly i dont care im so sick of people treating me like that #smells like homophobia 2.0 but from ppl who are supposed to NOT do that #like i always call ppl the pronouns they ask me to but apparently that does not go both ways the minute im gnc

[mejomonster]

Being on dating apps makes me wanna tear off my skin

#rant #im like 3 days from calling a therapy line and begging for relationship therapy #but idk if they can even help me or just tell me its no use its luck after all the other stuff ur already doiny #i havent had a fucking crush on a single available person in like 5 years #like at this point id like to get those stupid dumb butterflies again where u see someone all rosey as cute and want to talk to them #i absolutelg feel no desire to pursue a single fuxking person im so bored it feels like a chore #im not gonna find love or even those hormonal honeymoon feelings of a dumb crush whilr i feel im exhausted -.- #im about to be a year older and i havent kissed anyone in 5 years #i wanna have sex 5 times a #day or more for a fucking year i wanna kiss till im tired someone i Genuinely like #need a crush :c #and id really like a xrush on someone Available who might actually like me back

[pizzapizzadickz]

I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.

#normal #oh. i dont have to be like this. i can do something different #who the fuck am i really. #diary #personal #i honeslty didnt even think this would turn out to be positive. like. i thought its be a bit more down. #but idk. despite knowing im probably doing a lot of things wrong. im still a bit happier this way. #its been a long while since ive just done things that are more true to myself and now worried about the consequences. so its kinda nice #idk. obviously in places like work i mask much more. but at a coffee shop. or talking with friends. or even alone in my bedroom - #i do it much less. i used to be so self-conscious. i wouldn't even dance alone in my room. its strange to think thats - #just how much pressure society exibits. its impressive really. id try not to do things incase it wasnt #i think in a way the internet really saved me from a lot of that. yeah it probably exasperated some of my problems but it also helps too? #i can find communities and learn about things i love even if i dont participate. #i suppose its nice just knowing #and thats opened up a lot of avenues for me. like. knowing i dont need to be in a relationship. that i can collect stuffed toys. #that i can be obsessed with something stupid. just. a lot of small things like that? it sorta takes off that huge pressure to conform. #idk. i used to be so fixated on conforming and participating. and my mom quite litterally taught me to. #she always used to tell me about how when she had to move around she had to make consessions like that. #or how she didnt like it either just talking with the girls or whatever. so i sorta just thought of it all as normal. #so i just tried more and more and more to press myself into a mold without ever really caring what i liked. or thought #like. i knew what i wanted. but that wasnt right. so i id just. cut off bits n peices of myself. #i remember being oh so frustrated thinking and its so odd to think of now. #because now i just am. and even when im sad im happy. its peaceful really. #really though. being able to label things. and figure out stuff about myself and psychology and everything was amazing #im really glad ive both changed so much - yet really not at all at the same time #i still like the same things i did when i was 6. im still exactly the same at my core tbh. #but im much different from who i was in my teens. to me it really feels like just accepting who i always was. #and like. letting myself be who i was and am. i am me and thats sorta that? #idk. im just philosophizing myself yet again. but i also really enoys doing that XD

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault #because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont #wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious #thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it? #so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined #bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out #not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss #drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get #bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u #makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya #kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring #it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self #destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at #least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always #like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like #something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im #constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times #where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so #the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was #giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt #help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this #is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but #like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other #ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever. #and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good #to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in #groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was #anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and #then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either #unrelated

[cescalr]

is it so much to ask that my tumblr blog doesn’t look like an apple product using corporate social media presence 

#rounded edges dots for links white white white minimalism (more white bc of white space) font that's no bigger than 10px complete lack of #places to put graphic design elements where is the LIFE AND SOUL why is everything so BORING #tumblr theme searching got me mad. again. for the nine millionth time. #i don't want my theme to be plain and empty i want. STUFF. going on. i want it to be INTERESTING. and EASY TO READ. and not HORRIBLE TO #NAVIGATE. is that SO MUCH TO ASK? #they're so white im blinded and so boring im gonna cry #i cant even tell if half of them Could be good with some elbow grease bc half the previews are just 'is there even anything on this image' #levels of minimalist BULLSHIT. #slams hands on desk THIS is why im a MAXIMALIST and not even remotely ashamed to admit it use fucking COLOUR. use REASONABLY (15px) sized #fonts! at least a goddamn dark background so we can actually SEE where your stupid ass white-everything (with some off-white-greys for. like #idk. contrast? to make me sad?) #is even PUT on the PAGE. #hate this. hate themes. wanna go crawl in a cave somewhere and not use tumblr for a week. #(lies and slander. half my friends are on here.) #but STILL. #i just want... things to look nice. is that so bad. #i'm blind pls guys just help a gal out its like a wasteland in drought out here

[eternallys]

.

#pretty ironic that the mp is sending out letters to inform ppl of the support available to tackle the crisis of living #when she was literally on the news the other month telling ppl to just get better jobs to survive this cost of living bs :/// #which in itself is stupid like… coming from this town ?? #its not exactly the most well off town. not the worst but absolutely most of us arent well off :/ #idk she can go wither in hole and choke the tory bastard #like it says on the lett ohh i thought it would be helpful to set out some of the options available #. so i guess just getting a better job isnt a feasible option anymore then is it ??? #anyways it just makes me so angry. so many ppl will be suffering or even worse #dying. bc we dont have a competent government. #government is a waste of space. i could literally run this country better #personal

[lokigodofaces]

being an american on here is wild because i keep seeing posts from other americans that describe things they've experienced and say that it is universal among americans and it'll be stuff i've either never heard of or know for a fact isn't true. maybe it's pretty common in your state or the states surrounding you, but there's so much stuff i see that i can not relate to whatsoever, and i've never left the states.

#liv won't shut up #i saw something about insurance today #said that optometry is never covered by health insurance #& i'm sitting here like dude the insurance my dad gets from work benefits (so it's not the best in a lot of ways) has covered our optometry #costs for 3 people for years. & actually idk the specifics but it seems like its not that bad of a plan. we usually buy more than a years #supply of contacts for me (only like a month more) and our insurance covers pretty much all the costs. i have to choose contacts or glasses #every year but my prescription has been very stable so i only have to get new glasses if they're damaged beyond repair #again it's not my insurance i'm covered by my parents & they dont tell me all the details so idk how much theyre paying for it. might be a #lot & we're doing it bc it's one of my dads benefits. but any way the point is that so many americans will say things like every single #person living in america understands & 90% of the time i have no frickin clue what they're on about or i have experienced the exact opposit #it's just interesting that this happens. & it happens all the time. 'all american schools require learning another language' no the frick #they do not. lots do (and this may be a state requirement thing wouldnt be surprised) but not all. wasnt required for me it was just highly #encouraged & i got a different type of diploma for my world lang classes (my hs had a few types of diplomas based on different classes/ #grades/etc idk if thats a common thing or not). another good example are train posts actually. i can tell theres a divide between beliefs #on trains based on state & thats bc public transportation is not as feasible in some states. i've spent a good portion of my life living in #small towns or visiting small towns (family) & yeah public transportation in middle of nowhere wyoming and middle of nowhere idaho is a lot #less feasible than the east coast. those are places of vast nothingness other than a few towns every once in a while never exceeding 20000 #(ID) or 500 (WY). & even in larger towns it seems like a lot of western states are more spread out. so a subway or other train isnt very #helpful (unless you want to do long distance trains then those could maybe work the issue is that costs money & idk if itd be used enough #to make it worth it for a gov/actually work well) & this is more of a rural/urban issue but that aligns with states as well in a lot of way #oh another one is about facs classes. so in a lot of places facs is being defunded or removed from curriculum. same with arts classes. & #this is becoming a problem in many places! but when ppl are like 'these classes are being taken away everywhere in america' i just sit #there thinking about my state requiring facs in middlie & high school (i believe but things could have changed) plus i had to take like 3 #semesters of art (idk if thats state or school or district required) & thereve been talks of raising that requirement. & they add more opt #every year. i was helping my younger brother with his schedule & theres all sorts of stuff that wasnt there before. he has way more options #to fulfill that requirement than i did. & i'm not saying that this isnt a problem it is a problem most places but every state has different #legislation on this so for now at least lots of schools are required to have these classes. & i've probably lost my point by now but it is #odd that i see this so often. that most of posts about america i see are different from what i've experienced. idk maybe the states i've #lived in are weird but youd think that this wouldnt happen to me a lot would you? like sometimes yeah but this happens a lot. #my guess is that a lot of these things are very true if you talk about a specific region or state. but then ppl assume its an american

[philosophicallie]

also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY

small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY

#this is a very personal problem and i wish i could complain more but i dont have theq energy and all i have are tears #but like i already live thru the embarrassment of asking for help constantly and using stupid ass ladders #cant i at least fucking have some actual short people pants please. please. i have to geqt shit tailored or start doing mods myself but #I SHOULDNT HAVE TO ITS 2023 #i literally want to die tonight so i can stop being a burden on my bfs bc i can feel it i can feel how taxing i am and i know i shouldnt be #thinking this but like. i cant stop. i make it hard to be my friend i make it scary to be nice to me all i wnt to do is attack bc im hurtin #but thats not. gonna make me feel better in any way but thats not gonna stop the constsnt impulse in there to just start screaming #and its worse knowing thwt no matter what route is taken ill still get angry. or maybe i just want them to be angry about me already so i #have an excuse to get wngry back and idk. feel catharsis through that or something #idk. i hate my stupid brain and i hate my stupid ex for making me hate it more #im so angry and i have no one who is comfortable enough to deal with that so instead ill sleep earlu @ #idk i hate differences they make me fixated on all the ways i can get angry about it so idk how to deal w that #i have so much to compare + i cant say it bc if i do then theyll be conscious abt it/theyll know its smth that just adds .1% to anger meter #ugh i think were hoing to moms this Christmas and while thsts nice i dont. have the emotional capacity to confide in her #i only want my mom. but i cant tell her any of this bc theres nothing that she csn even do #other than just throw money at me for support #i hate this #original #vent