#ugh i think were hoing to moms this Christmas and while thsts nice i dont. have the emotional capacity to confide in her

[philosophicallie]

also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY

small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY

#this is a very personal problem and i wish i could complain more but i dont have theq energy and all i have are tears #but like i already live thru the embarrassment of asking for help constantly and using stupid ass ladders #cant i at least fucking have some actual short people pants please. please. i have to geqt shit tailored or start doing mods myself but #I SHOULDNT HAVE TO ITS 2023 #i literally want to die tonight so i can stop being a burden on my bfs bc i can feel it i can feel how taxing i am and i know i shouldnt be #thinking this but like. i cant stop. i make it hard to be my friend i make it scary to be nice to me all i wnt to do is attack bc im hurtin #but thats not. gonna make me feel better in any way but thats not gonna stop the constsnt impulse in there to just start screaming #and its worse knowing thwt no matter what route is taken ill still get angry. or maybe i just want them to be angry about me already so i #have an excuse to get wngry back and idk. feel catharsis through that or something #idk. i hate my stupid brain and i hate my stupid ex for making me hate it more #im so angry and i have no one who is comfortable enough to deal with that so instead ill sleep earlu @ #idk i hate differences they make me fixated on all the ways i can get angry about it so idk how to deal w that #i have so much to compare + i cant say it bc if i do then theyll be conscious abt it/theyll know its smth that just adds .1% to anger meter #ugh i think were hoing to moms this Christmas and while thsts nice i dont. have the emotional capacity to confide in her #i only want my mom. but i cant tell her any of this bc theres nothing that she csn even do #other than just throw money at me for support #i hate this #original #vent