#but i warn you be wary because this mindset does not help you with anything

[toruq]

#sso #ssoblr #my art #star stable online #sso anne #anne von blyssen #sso concorde #ive been dealing with the battle of ‘well if i hadn’t done this then x wouldn’t have happened’ #and i rationalize that #but then next comes ‘well if i hadn’t done this then it wouldn’t have caused y which caused x’ #but i warn you be wary because this mindset does not help you with anything #eventually you get back to the spot where you are a little kid who made a choice to play in the sandbox with someone #it was not your fault #the fate of your world and the world around you does not in fact rest on your own shoulders #sometimes things happen because they do #not because you caused it #or because you did something to provoke the cause #sometimes life is simply going along #like concorde says: ‘but evil may have the final say’ #it cannot always be the good say; or in other words your ideal say #it can cause more upset feelings but let it rest in you that sometimes there was nothing you could do #and everything you were able to do was enough

[sukirichi]

Like, what happens to Mia? How does Gojo end up picking us? Naoya? How about Naoya? 😭😭😭🙏🏼😔

Omggg if you’re not going to continue reckless, can you please please please tell us how it ends? 😭😭😭 I don’t think I can bear living not knowing how it ends 😭 please? 😔😢🙏🏼😭

okay well here’s how it was gonna go, pls keep in mind my storytelling in asks and in writing are diff so this might be explained crappily HAHAHAHA but basically in reckless...

gojo gets shot in the head by his abusive dad bcos he finally stood up against him, but that backfired. his father is really adamant on control, and gojo loses his memories at the same time y/n gave birth. she decided to keep the baby after deciding that she wants a family after all, but when gojo woke up with mixed and lost memories, he only remembers mia and everything after her accident was gone. gojo becomes distorted and even becomes harsh sometimes, especially when y/n said they had a baby and she was his friend, bcos gojo’s mindset was from way back to six years ago, where he had lots of issues with his family and mia’s that he was wary who to trust.

so,,, they didn’t want gojo to hurt y/n bcos he’s such in an emotional mess that he has no control of himself. eventually, y/n decides to stay away but the baby is adopted by gojo and mia, who gets married for the sake of business and gojo’s current situation. truthfully, mia doesn’t want to marry him bcos it would hurt y/n and she’s not that awful. mia and y/n become friends after realizing they’re pretty similar and actually find genuine friendship with one another. she doesn’t have a choice tho and gojo, mia, along with gojo’s mom who divorced her husband for his abuse move to the states where they raised y/n and gojo’s daughter, sayori, leaving y/n all alone in tokyo who then becomes vice president of kamo enterprises. basically, it shows the repeated history of y/n’s father choosing to hide her from her real parents, and she begins to understand why he did that bcos she also has not really met her own daughter. y/n knows mia and gojo could take care of sayori better than she could, especially with the fact that gojo’s memories are mixed and transfixed on the timeline of him dating mia, mia giving birth to sayori, then them getting married. y/n is not present at all in his memories. gojo thinks he was the one in a car accident, not mia.

sayori is about four years old when gojo decides to come back to tokyo. now that he’s disowned and his mother has also left, gojo becomes a successful model in the states. he comes home bcos he remembers geto and wants to start their own agency (gojo as a model, geto as the photographer.) mia is wary at first for fear gojo might remember everything. she’s not being selfish; the doctors warned that anything that could potentially trigger gojo’s memories that his subconscious has erased could be detrimental to him. mia tries to hold it off but gojo insists, so the gojo/yamazaki family go back and that’s where gojo meets y/n, who he first thought was geto’s new wife.

in the reckless fanart, geto’s photo is like this.

geto’s ring is silver - it’s his dead wife’s ring. the hand caressing him is gold - it’s y/n wearing the ring of gojo’s mother, who by then has already apologized before they all left.

geto and y/n become best friends on the course of four years. missing her daughter, y/n becomes attached to mei (geto’s daughter) and acts more like a mom than an aunt. geto basks in this faux family they’ve built, though he makes sure mei is not too dependent or expecting that y/n would be her mom. he falls in love with y/n and he notices how after gojo left, she becomes softer and a lot sweeter. all the anger and hatred disappeared, all thanks to y/n finding peace with her new life and making up with her mother, Valeria, who once overdosed on drugs after it was exposed to the public that Y/N is a child she abandoned. y/n saved Valeria by rushing her to the hospital, which is also the same time that Y/N saw gojo being wheeled in the emergency room with a bullet in his head.

now that gojo is back, he can’t help but notice that y/n is avoiding him. she feels familiar but he plays it off over her being a close friend and possible lover of geto. meanwhile, y/n’s dedication to pretending he doesn’t exist breaks slowly when she sees sayori, a beautiful little girl who’s growing up, call mia as her “mommy.” it hurts her that she missed her first words, first steps, or that she’s being excluded in the family that is truly hers, but everyone is happy and doing great that she chooses to be the only who isn’t for the sake of everyone else.

in ch2, gojo goes to a carnival/amusement park and takes a polaroid photo with y/n. he finds them in one of the stuff he left behind in the penthouse he used to live in; shocked bcos y/n had been adamant they never met before. that’s when he begins to confront her on who she really is what they really used to be. he feels guilty that he can’t remember, but most of all, gojo is torn inside that y/n had been all alone the whole time when he promised he would be there.

its complicated for them since gojo x mia are already married, and sayori got her mom’s stubborness so its difficult for her to believe someone she never met before is her real mom and mia is...well, mia. mia actually helps sayori accept that she is not the real mom, apologizing to the child for lying to them and it ends up with sayori running away and getting lost for a few hours. sayori is scared since tokyo is alien to her and she doesn’t speak japanese, but when y/n finds her, she comes running to her arms and that is when she begins to soften up around her real mom.

this is where the slowburn with gojo and y/n begins. for them, getting to know each other once more on a clean slate is both refreshing yet scary, especially since one has erased the past in their mind and the other is desperately trying to forget it. the thing about the mia x gojo as a married couple and parents is that gojo deep down feels he does not love mia that way. he can’t explain why there’s just something missing or confusing in his life. he loves mia out of respect and friendship, but he would never admit that he is not in love with his wife. however, he plays it over the fact that its “just the broken memories” and lies to himself that he is very much in love with her. when he meets y/n again, however, it makes sense. he does love y/n and him forgetting her was a defense mechanism of his system to erase the most painful times of his life, and that included his guilt for hurting y/n with the abuse of his parents who controlled the way he acted around her. as for mia, she also does not love gojo and she probably never did, but for the sake of his well being and for sayori’s future (which was entrusted to her by y/n) she stayed with him. now though, mia knows its time to let go.

geto...it is not easy for geto. he loves y/n so much because of her tenacity and kindness, but he also loves her enough to know she is happier with someone else. to him, he’s content knowing that she felt less lonely when he was around and that he helped make her smile. in the end, geto has closure with y/n who apologizes for not returning his feelings.

NAOYAAAAA though...ofc i gave him a good ending 💕 after he was brutally rejected by Mia, y/n cheers him up by setting Naoya up with a law professor around his age, who is Ayame. Ayame is supposed to be named Suki tbh 😋 but I thought the self insert is a little too much so I changed it to Ayame. Ayame is pretty funny and even respects that Naoya is uncomfortable on the first date, telling him that it doesn’t have to be that kind of date and she doesn’t expect anything from him. Ayame’s bubbly yet blunt nature is a breath of fresh air from Mia’s secretive and perfectionist nature and the two become good friends. Naoya and Ayame end up hanging out a lot bcos “thats what friends do” but it doesn’t take long before they go out together. And ofc, Naoya is a little ashamed that Ayame was the first to confess and she beat him to it, but they get married and are happy nonetheless 💕 Mia ends up as a successful doctor who helps her family with the business, divorces Gojo, but she still has no plans to marry and is perfectly happy and content to focus on her career.

Eventually, Gojo and Y/N get married once everything is sorted out. Gojo becomes a well known model in Tokyo as well, and Gojo Group is absorbed by Y/N herself after proving Gojo’s father guilty of attempted murder. Gojo doesn’t want anything more to do with the corporate world though, but Y/N stays and kicks ass as a vice president to all the merged companies.

Y/N and Valeria also makes up after Valeria is indebted to Y/N who saved her life, and Valeria’s parents become more supportive and start to see Valeria more as a person than a child to inherit the business. Albeit being in her 40s, Valeria enjoys the youth she lost only now, but also enjoys being the grandmother to Sayori. Its a little awkward between Valeria and Y/N after everything that happened, but they’re trying and are even dubbed as the iconic motherly duo who is unbeatable in their games.

Gojo’s father is thrown into prison, and his main victim, his own wife, also shows recovery from the years of abuse. Although her obsessive control with Gojo and his sister (the eldest Gojo child) was not right, his mom was left with no choice but to keep them on close watch and control their lives because she was trying to keep them safe from their father’s wrath. In the end, Gojo’s mom makes up by being a better mother, and Gojo and his sister forgives her while also apologizing that both of them left home when they knew their mom always shouldered the abuse to protect her kids.

Overall, its a happy ending for most of the characters! the last chapter is Sayori’s wedding to Naoya and Ayame’s son, Naori, who is a few years younger than his bride. Gojo is grumbling to Y/N about how his little girl is all grown up now, and that their son, Shinichiro, who is 18 in that timeline is also maturing and would be leaving the nest soon. Y/N thinks its adorable and asks Gojo to just enjoy the union because its only one of the many great memories they would still have to make.

That’s how it would end! Gojo Best Dad and Gojo DILF. Everyone is happy!

Basically the theme of Reckless is that sometimes the most unexpected things we do out of character can end up as one of the greatest things to ever happen, which in their case was the suprise baby. They went through a lot and it has a lot of psychological themes, along with heavy family drama, but overall I wanted the series to be a heartwarming one by the end. I really would’ve loved to see it all happen but I am also happy to share it to you guys in this way.

So yeah, happy reading and thanks so much for supporting Reckless !! I was also thinking of doing maybe like a bonus chapter where the characters pretend it was all a movie and they’re actors that you can talk to, but that didn’t happen so :// anyways I hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading up until here 💕

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: reckless #tw: abuse #sorry for the typos i wrote this on my phone without glasses lol

[loser-hub]

Demon Slayer general relationship headcannons. Warning: Mild warnings here and there but nothing serious. All characters are 18+ inherently!

Tanjiro.

Mainly, dating Tanjy is a two-in-one kind of deal.

Being around him so much also means you're around Nezuko and if she doesn't like you, well, it's not going to work.

Good for you she immediately takes a liking to you and I mean immediately and by liking I mean love.

She pops out of her box when he attempts to introduce you two and she's smitten immediately. Loves to sit in your lap and hug you, it happens every moment possible. Its a lap stack. You on Tanjiro's lap and Nezuko on yours. Its adorable and makes them happy they can keep you warm and make sure you're protected!

On yeah, about that, its scary how protective they are of you. Even if you are a Demon Slayer too and are more than capable of protecting yourself, its how they express their love for you! They want to be with you so they'll do whatever they can to ensure your safety!

Tanjiro is a very patient person, almost too patient, but if someone tests him he's terrifying. He's the textbook definition of be wary the wrath of a patient man.

Secretly a fan of matching or complimentary outfits so get ready for him to show up with a haori that matches with theirs! Pink checkers or green florals all the way!

Zenitsu.

We all know how this would begin.

Doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, it, or think you look horrible because this man will beg for your hand in marriage.

Grabbing your hand, on his knees, crying and begging for you to marry him before he dies a horrible death. He's not the most graceful or subtle man but you humor him. Does that dance behind you as he calls out your name over and over day and night, he's so happy someone finally agreed to his request he can't help but want to smother you in love!

He might be unreliable in combat until he passes out but that isn't the case in every other instance, he's got the ability to remember just about everything you say. From the date of your birth, your favorite color, and everything you love and hate. Pops on in at random times to give you thing's he's "found".

Zenitsu totally has a fear of lightning storms, the booming thunder and trembling lightning has him running to you whenever one shows up. Frankly any random, loud sound makes him hide himself behind you. It would be quite if it wasn't for the fact that generally puts you in harms way. He'll apologize profusely once its all over and promise to not do it again but what happens the next time? He's cowering behind you.

Its quite the whiplash when he does faint and his other, more capable, romantic personality comes out. Saves you, gives you a smirk, and sweeps you off your feet. Quite literally and takes you somewhere safe. Which you get all the praise for when he wakes up, he bows down before you and kisses your feet as his way of praise. Crying as he thanks you for saving him.

He's a crybaby dumbass but at least he's your crybaby dumbass with a secret side. Now how to figure to get that out outside of him sleeping!

Inosuke.

Feral man has no idea what's going on most of the time so your presence would go right over his head.

When he did notice he couldn't understand the sudden feelings that gave him butterflies in his stomach, stupid bugs, how did they get in there?

You're the one person who he calls by the right name. Everyone else gets theirs messed up and butchered, but yours? He gets accurately. It baffles Tanjiro and Zenitsu when they hear the un-mumbled name that you were given at birth.

Competitive as fuck. Every little thing turns into who can do it better, even breathing, you're doing your normal tasks, chores or hobbies and he's next to you trying to outdo himself. It's quite endearing once you get past the shouting match. And when he claims he's superior and does everything better than you? He regrets it a little when he sees your face dip into gloominess. Though he quickly assumes it's because you want to go another round.

He doesn't understand, the poor boy.

It takes him being shouted at by Mr. Lightning Boi to finally get a grasp of the situation and even then its a vague, basic understanding at best. In his feral mindset is that you two aren't rivals, eternal competitors for him to gload over, but rather "mates". He chuckles his mad little laugh and dashes into the woods with his swords raised.

His return is late that evening, pulling a prey item he hunted himself and its dragged to you. No one else is allowed to touch it, much less eat it. That's yours and by extension his.

From that moment on his glued to your side and being uncharacteristically quiet, enjoying your presence as he comes to term that you're his mate. Whether you like it or not but you sigh in annoyance, all the little hints you've dropped and this is what he does? Sounds about right, don't you think?

Giyu.

Silent fury and annoyance.

He's so hard to read, he's the god of poker face. That hot, smoldering, poker face.

A bleeding heart and refuses to acknowledge it, he realized he had it when seeing Tanjiro for the first time in the snow, crying, begging and that's when he knew he was a softie.

Tries to ignore it to the best of his ability, tries to be stoic, stubborn hardass self but it gets harder and harder with you around.

Finds you so cute he can't function. Not like you'd ever know when he is or isn't functioning. He's too good at hiding it.

Really a low effort kind of guy.

Unless it's one of his stories then you have to beg him to shut up. Uses them as punishment.

And out of spite, sometimes he just likes hearing himself talk.

Really, truly can't handle seeing someone cry, especially if its someone he knows and cares about. Goes right to his soft side.

Especially if its you, in any way.

Seeing you cry because you got hurt to simply feeling to much and having it overflow always make him nervous, he's not used to consoling people so if and when he tries, it's less than stellar. Its the thought that counts right?

His guilty pleasure is having his hair brushed and played with. Have you seen it? Luscious but barely manageable being a Demon Hunter and all. When he returns to you after a mission, sit him down on the tatami mat, release his hair from the tie and brush it. Anything will do, a comb or your fingers though the latter is preferred since he lives for scalp massages. If he needs rest this is the most way to lull him into a peaceful sleep.

Yushiro.

Give yourself a medal to be the first person to actually get his attention away from Lady Tamayo.

He has tunnel vision for her that when he sees something that doesn't have to do with her is a miracle...or curse.

But now you have to deal with him following you around like a lost puppy.

Very tsundere at first...okay he's always tsundere but varying degrees depending on the state of your relationship.

Stalks you a bit too, hides behind trees and around corners, peeking around them to get a look at you and goes invisible when you look over your shoulder.

Wondering why he feels this way about you and he has to make sure you aren't a threat. Little does he know he falls a little more in love with you every time he sees you.

When you do interact, he's cold and distant. He buffs, crosses his arms and looks away...trying to hide the fact that when you smile at him his ears go red.

Finally, finally, after he stops his tip-toeing around you oh you're in for trouble. He's stepped up his game and he's more dedicated to you than he is to Tamayo.

Like most demons he's inherently over-protective and possessive so good luck talking with people aside from the patients at the secret clinic and if you have to go out, he's creating a parchment that protects you as well and of course not without him at your side as well.

Loves when you kiss his forehead or cheek, his favorites are Eskimo, he can give you affection and you don't taste the blood he has to consume!

Careful though that too many kisses does make him go into his tsundere mode.

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer headcannons #tanjiro x reader #zenitsu x reader #inosuke x reader #giyu x reader #yushiro x reader #tanjiro headcannons #zenitsu headcannons #inosuke headcannons #giyu headcannons #yushiro headcannons #tw: fluff #tw: mild spice

[stargazer-balladeer]

Hi hi!! Can i request Bennett, Xingqiu and Chongyun for the chubby s/o hcs?? Can I just say that you are so kind and I'm obsessed with your writing!!!!

Chubby S/O (part 2) [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Bennett, Xingqiu & Chongyun

Notes: uwu thank uu 💞💞 i really hope i live up to your expectations with this one— Hope you’ll like this!

Reader’s Gender: Female (tho I think that I used gender neutral pronouns while making this—)

Warning: Mentions of insecurity, negative thing, body shaming. Minor spoilers for their character story and quest.

Part 1 | Part 2 |

Bennett

— When he sees you, Bennett will probably be so intrigued by you. His mindset instantly went to adopting you in his Benny’s Adventure Team. You’ve probably heard him from the Adventure’s Guild, him being notoriously unlucky. He payed your body mass no mind and just ask you to join just like he has done with other people.

— Bennett will smother you with affection. You look so adorable that he couldn’t help himself! So expect hugs, kisses and cuddles from him. He is a bit cautious around you though, because he never knows when his bad luck will show itself.

— He’s actually frightened at the idea of him roping you with his notorious luck, that it might lead you to your death (poor bby-). So you might need to comfort him in this times. You also need to be cautious and pls stir him away from danger—

— Bennett is seen as a happy-go-lucky person, which he is. And with that kind of persona, he’s easily excited. So after a day that he didn’t get to see you, he will get excited when he sees you. He will literally ran up to you, along the way he might trip. Whether on you or to the ground. If he successfully managed to get to you without tripping (wow-), he will wrap his hands around your waist and lift you from the ground. It will either result in you two falling or you accidentally slapping him (whOOPs—). He’ll laugh it off either way.

— If someone insults or make a comment about you, Bennett will be confused. I mean, he didn’t even realize that his teammates have left him- (😢 poor bby-). So he’ll be confused when someone says that, and probably remarks about them being rude and all. Though he may be confused and all, he pays attention to your feelings. So if you feel depressed or insulted, Bennett will snap at that person (oh snap.. Bennett’s mAD—!)

— If you feel insecure about your body, Bennett will also be confused. He doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Afterall, you’re like a literal Goddess in his eyes. He practically worships the ground you’re walking on- “Why would you think like that?! You’re so beautiful that it makes me feel so lucky to have you-!”

Xingqiu

— When he first sees you, he’ll be immediately intrigued by you. It was, afterall, not common to see a person like you. So he approaches you in the best way possible, making sure he gives you his best first impression. You might be wary of him at first (he IS pretty suspicious-), but you soon find yourself warming up to him. It isn’t long till you two started dating. (And you also found out his heritage-)

— Whenever you two hangout, Xingqiu always find a loophole to escape his house. No matter how much the servants and people inside try their best, it’s hopeless. He loves travelling with you, exploring new places, sightseeing, exploring a cave and more. The place where you two hangout the most is a place near a waterfall, in a forest surrounded by different kinds of flowers. You two can be seen there with Xingqiu either leaning on the tree or laying his head on your lap. He always reads out loud so that you can also listen to the story.

— Xingqiu loves hugs the most. Not because you’re very comfy and warmth, like a teddy bear- but because its you. He loves hugging people he loves and cherishes, and you are no exception. It might ruin his image as a cool and collected second son, but it doesn’t matter to him. He will embrace you in public and ain’t embarrassed at all.

— I can see Xingqiu as an expert in making flower crowns. He will literally make you a flower crown to put on your head. When you ask why he does it, he’ll just reply “because I was bored and decided to make a flower crown��. But in reality, it’s because you look so elegant while wearing it. It makes his heart melt at the sight of you in a flower crown. And if you decided to return the favor, Xingqiu will happily wear your flower crown :D

— As if someone will dare insult or make comment about you. Before they could even utter their sentence out, Xingqiu is already staring at them with a innocent smile and a deadly glint in his eyes. Making the person say something nice towards you. Its usually effective but towards people that have more guts (or idiocacy), he will innocently make his sword appear and inspect it. Yeah.. no one’s gonna mess with you while he’s around-

— If you start to feel insecure about your body, Xingqiu will emphatize with you. Even though he doesn’t know what it feels like in your shoes, he can still sympathize with you. He will pull you into a comforting hug and cradle your head with his hand. “The world may be cruel, my love. But you shaldn’t succumb to their works. Stay true to yourself, alright?”

Chongyun

— (Ohmaygawd— I’m sorry if he turns out OOC 😖)

— When he sees you for the first time, Chongyun will be indifferent with you. So what if you look like that? It doesn’t bother him. And with that, he will carry on with his day. You might not be able to meet him unless you approach him first. But even then, he’ll brush you off. But fret not! He will warm up to you (eventually..). He still acts cold but atleast he isn’t anymore walking away—

— Chongyun is special. He can’t eat spicy food, wear warm clothing, etc. So he appreciated things that you do for him. You gave him food that is just right, also giving him his favorite popsicle :D. He always blushes whenever you dote on him, he just isn’t used to it. If you thought this guy woudn’t dote back on you, you are gravely mistaken. He will dote on you just like you dote on him. He will ask things like, “are you feeling comfortable?” “Is your clothes too warm?” “Is the food temperature alright for you?”.

— Chongyun, like Xingqiu, likes exploring. Though, he prefers staying near Liyue Harbor than adventuring beyond. Though he wouldn’t mind if you want to go beyond it, he will still accompany you. His favorite place so far is on a cliff on Mt Tianheng. He loves the view of Liyue Harbor there, so he’ll drag you there sometimes just to watch the sun set while making Liyue Harbor glow aesthetically.

— He loves your hands. He often wonders why they were so soft yet so rough from all the training you’re doing. He also loves putting it on his cheeks, feeling the warmth of your hand seeping to his cheeks. It gives him an odd satisfaction. He also loves running through your hair, it makes him calm. (He’ll also appreciate it if you return the favor—)

— If someone comments about you or insult you, Chongyun will definitely glare at that person. He doesn’t care who that was or what status they hold, if they insult his s/o, their dead. His glare is like a stormy thunder-filled rain, its actually quite scary to look at. That person better apologize or else his Claymore will be at their throat—

— If you feel insecure about yourself, Chongyun will understand. He himself felt insecure about his own as well, since his condition is quite unusual and frightening. Not everyone is acceptable. So, in order to cheer you up, he will drag you to the cliff previously mentioned. There, as you watch the horizon, he will give you Glaze Lily that he found laying around. “Look at these flowers. Their as beautiful as you. So bright, colorful and full of life.. even as many seasons pass, they will continue to blossom. So, just like them, don’t ever let something, or someone specifically, let you down. If you ever need help.. I’m always here.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Liyue Page

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact bennett #genshin impact xingqiu #genshin impact chongyun #genshin impacr bennett x reader #genshin impact xingqiu x reader #genshin impact chongyun x reader #chongyun x reader #xingqiu x reader #bennett x reader #chongyun #xingqiu #bennett #genshin impact bennett headcanons #genshin impact xingqiu headcanons #genshin impact chongyun headcanons #req ans❣️

[alexhogh7137]

The Battle Between Love and Fire-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Shared Dream

Word Count 2.9k

Warnings: lots of fluff, angst at the end

It is officially one week before the siege and Rollo has been in contact with Ivar on the daily. However, because of that, he has not been attentive to you or anyone else for that matter. Ubbe has been busy readying the troops and training the newcomers that have come of age to become warriors and shield maiden's. It is fascinating to see how strong your army is becoming and it is boosting yours and Ivar's confidence ten-fold. Hvitserk has been by your side everyday: making sure that you are eating, drinking, staying active but also making sure that you are getting the rest that you need for you and the baby. Today, you have asked Ivar to stay in bed for a little bit longer so that you can tell him something incredible, to which he agreed.

Ivar "What is it that you have to tell me? Is it about the-"

"No it's not about the battle.."

Ivar "Then what is it, my love?"

"It is about our daughter." His face lights up for one second and then fades to wariness.

Ivar "What of her...is she alright?"

"Oh, more than alright Ivar." He smiles.

Ivar "How do you know?"

"I dreamt of her, my love." He places his hand on your belly and moves closer to you. He looks as if he has something to tell you as well but he does not say it aloud.

Ivar "Tell me all about it..tell me all about her."

"Oh where to begin? She has long, blonde hair..but not silver like mine, more dirty blonde like Hvitserks." He smiles, "Her eyes are mine and her nose is a mixture between ours. But guess what, my beloved.."

Ivar "What?"

"She has your smile Ivar. Yours, not mine, not Hvitserks, yours." His smile is filled with love and pure joy. He chuckles out of shock but then soon turns into a laughter of contentment. 

Ivar "Are you certain?"

"As certain as I could ever be. Your smile is like no others, my love. So yes, she has your smile." His eyes fill with happy tears as he reaches over to kiss your forehead and then your lips.

Ivar "What else?" You tell him all about your dream and how beautiful and strong she is and how much she loves and adores Ivar and her uncle's. "Are we ever going to tell her that I am not her biological father?"

"That is up to you, Ivar. That is your decision because I want you to be happy and love this child."

Ivar "Y/n, I already love her..as much as I love you, if not more! Don't ever think that I won't love her because she is not mine. You are my wife and that means that she is mine in some way. In my heart, she is mine."

"Ivar-"

Ivar "I will tell her when she is of age. She deserves to know that Hvitserk is her father. I can't do that to Hvitserk. I have done horrible things to him in our lifetime that I am not proud of today…"

"Tell me.."

Ivar "No, I won't."

"That bad?"

Ivar nods, "So yes, I will tell her myself when she is of age. Because they both deserve that bond."

"They will have that bond, the day she is born..he is her father, she will sense that."

Ivar smiles, "I know that to be true. I once had a child that I was told was mine but it was indeed not my child."

"You-"

Ivar "Yes, my last wife Freydis, was pregnant with her son that she swore to be mine until the day he was born, I knew that he was not mine."

"Why didn't you tell me Ivar?"

Ivar "Because that part of my past is hard to think about, princess. Very dark days, they were."

"What happened to him?" He pauses for a good minute or two before responding.

Ivar "Freydis left him out in the cold to die."

"Sh-what? Why?!"

Ivar "He was deformed princess.."

"That gives her no right to kill her own child!"

Ivar shushes you, "I know, I know. But it is true, so I took matters into my own hands and I did little Baldur justice."

"I am sorry, my love."

Ivar "It is alright, I have you now..I have this little miracle child." He rubs your stomach and puts your knuckles to his lips. He knows that he twisted the truth to almost a complete lie, but he fears that you would leave him if you found out the real truth. And that cannot happen.

"We love you Ivar."

Ivar "And I love you both more than anything in this world. Do you wish to hear something crazy?"

"Hmm?"

Ivar "I had a very similar dream of your daughter."

"You did not!"

Ivar "I swear it on my arm ring, princess. She is indeed the most beautiful child to ever be born. A true blessing by the gods upon this family." You blush and look down at your growing belly. 

"I can't wait for her to be here..to be in our arms."

Ivar "That day will be one of the greatest, that is for certain."

"Hvitserk will cry-"

Ivar "Oh that is guaranteed," you both laugh, "but I will do the same. As will you, because it is going to be the day that we have all been longing for."

"That is very true."

Ivar "I am glad that I stayed in bed longer this morning. This little talk was needed, was it not?"

"It was, that is why I asked for you to stay. I knew that you needed to hear this wonderful dream."

Ivar "A dream that we shared, nonetheless."

"That cannot be a coincidence."

Ivar "No I don't believe it to be one, but a message from the gods that our days ahead are bright, hmm?"

You nod, "I know that you have to go be a king...I love you, stay safe."

Ivar "I love you, angel. I will see you soon." He kisses my lips and leaves. I watch him go and then down at my belly and whisper, "There goes one of your hero's babygirl, he loves you so so much."

…

You ended up falling back asleep, that is, until you heard a loud knock on the door that made you jolt awake. 

"Come in!" You stammered. In comes Hvitserk with a bowl of fresh fruit and some water for you. "Oh, you didn't have-"

Hvitserk "Oh hush.. I wanted to. And besides, it is midday and you have not come out to eat yet kitten.

You sigh, "Is it really midday?" He nods, "it is like the days are passing like the wind.."

Hvitserk hands you the bowl and sits down beside you and places his hand on the small of your back. "I know they are, but everything will be alright."

You take a deep breath and slowly breathe out, "I know. I just had a dream of our daughter and-"

Hvitserk "You did?"

"Yes-"

Hvitserk "I did too!" He starts to tell you his dream and it is identical to your own. So not only did you and Ivar share the same dream, but Hvitserk saw the same as you did.

"What does this mean? How can all three of us share the same dream?"

Hvitserk chuckles, "This is not uncommon for this family, kitten. When we connect with our person, we share the same mindset."

"Mindset?"

Hvitserk "Well yes. Our dreams connect as time goes on, and eventually we can even share the same thoughts."

"Well this is all new.."

Hvitserk chuckles and kisses your cheek, "It is a lot to take in and for that I apologize. But it is a good thing, not a bad thing."

"Oh I know. I am glad that we have this connection now, Hvitserk. It just adds to the list of amazing things, does it not?"

Hvitserk "Oh absolutely." You and him continue on talking about your daughter and how incredible she is and how beautiful she will become. "Did you see how powerful she was when she held your bow and arrow-?"

"Yes!"

Hvitserk "She is going to be as fierce as her mother one day."

"And her father! Hvitserk, you are one of the strongest vikings in all of Scandinavia." Hvitserk scuffs, "No you are! Hvitserk, I have seen you fight."

Hvitserk "Because your life was on the line.."

"You know that you are.."

Hvitserk "I love you.."

"And I love you. And she loves you." He smiles and lifts up your thin dress so that he can kiss all over your belly. His scruffy-beard tickles you immensely, making you giggle like a four year old. Once he lifts his head out from under your dress, you cup his cheeks to give him a bunch of kisses. 

Hvitserk "I needed that."

"I did too." He pecks your lips once more.

Hvitserk "C'mon, eat those last few bites of your food so that you can join me."

"Join you where?"

Hvitserk "To see your dragon's, sweetheart." You get excited and then finish quickly so that you can hurriedly get ready. When you look at Hvitserk, you see  honesty, loyalty, and love. But earlier, when you looked in Ivar's eyes, you saw deceit when he talked about little Baldur. Something about the way his voice shifted during that conversation, made you believe that he was being untruthful. But this is not the time to get into a fight with your husband, who had a temper. So you get dressed and walk out the chamber doors to join Hvitserk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you get to the door, Ivar stops you and Hvitserk by literally yelling for us to stop walking. You knew that he was in a mood, so you look at Hvitserk and he puts you behind him. 

Hvitserk "What is it, dear brother..hmm?"

Ivar "Where are you two off too huh?"

Hvitserk "To spend time with Ryuu, Neith and Eldr. Why do you ask?"

Ivar "You are not doing that, I need you in here with me." He looks behind him and finds Ubbe looking at the both of you.

Hvitserk scuffs, "We won't be long. Y/n wants to see her dragons, and I would like to join her."

Ivar grinds his teeth, "I asked you to stay in here."

Hvitserk "And I told you that we won't be long, now if you'll excuse us." He turns around to open the door for you but Ivar slams the door shut and grabs your hand.

Ivar "You will stay in the house with me, won't you my love?"

"Ivar, you are hurting me. You aren't yourself right now, just stop." Hvitserk puts himself in between you and Ivar so that he let go of your hand.

Hvitserk "You hurt her, do you understand that?" Ivar looks down at you holding your wrist and takes a step back. Ubbe comes to join and pulls Ivar back.

Ubbe "He just got upsetting news..that is why he wanted you both to stay inside."

"What is this news?"

Ubbe "Rollo will not be able to make it in the time frame that we need him to make because of a fire that broke out..many of his ships got destroyed."

Hvitserk "We will figure it all out, now if you'll excuse us." He takes your hand and helps you out the door.

…

When you walk up to Eldr, he immediately spots you rubbing the kinks out of your wrists and starts to growl.

"It was not Hvitserk, boy.." he stops growling and licks your entire hand to try to help. To your surprise, it helped a ton. You look at Hvitserk who has a scowl printed on his face. 

"Hey.." you grab his face so that he looks down at you, "don't be mad."

Hvitserk "How can I not be? He grabbed you!"

"He isn't himself right now-"

Hvitserk "Y/n...baby..you don't get it do you? If he snaps completely, and I am not there for some reason, he could kill you." You believed every word. This is not the first time Ivar grabbed you, or snapped in your presence. I mean this morning he was lovely, now he just hurt you because he didn't get the news that he wanted.

"What do you want me to do, huh? Because if I leave him, he will kill me and the baby."

Hvitserk "I won't let that happen, Y/n. But I need you to be more aware that he is more dangerous than you thought. I know that you love him and I know that you two are married..but I also know what he did to Freydis and I do not wish for you to share the same fate."

"Tell me what he did, I need to know."

Hvitserk "He strangled her with her own belt that she wore on her dress." 

"Gods.." you take a step back and hold your belly and think to yourself, 'thank gods he isn't the father of your child.'

Hvitserk "Hey, look at me. You and our child are the most important thing in my life and I will not let him hurt any of you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I know. I love you."

Hvitserk "And I love you. Now look at your dragon's, they are worried.." you see sadness in your eyes so you reach up towards them so they can place their snouts in your palm for comfort.

"I'm okay my babies, everything is okay. Hvitserk just shed light on a few things is all." He walks up and looks at your three dragon's and individually says the following..

Hvitserk "I will protect her with my life...I swear it. She means just as much to me as she does to you three. And I know that you can understand me, so please believe me." Neith and Ryuu blink and Eldr snorts to show that they understand. 

"Now can I say something?" He looks at you, "If I lose you, then how could I go on?"

Hvitserk "You're not, I was only saying that I would protect you no matter what, kitten." You just wrap your arms around his waist while he kisses your head and wraps his arms around your shoulders, keeping you close to his chest. As the days go on, things become more clear than the days before. And one day, you will demand Ivar to tell you the entirety of his past. That day will not be pretty, but you are his wife and you deserve the truth. 

Ubbe comes out with Torvi and their little girl to see if you and Hvitserk were alright.

Torvi "Let me see."

"It's nothing-"

Torvi "It's not nothing, Y/n." She takes your hand and looks at the bruise that is forming in the form of a handprint around your wrist.

Ubbe growls, "I should've known he would snap..I should've-"

"No one knows when he is going to snap, not even his brothers..don't blame yourself. I've had many bruises in my lifetime, this is nothing to me."

Torvi "That is the problem Y/n. You have endured so much pain, your husband shouldn't be inflicting more pain."

"He isn't going to remember."

Ubbe "Oh I will remind him alright. He needs to realize that his actions have consequences!"

"Fine..I just want to hide..jus-get away for awhile."

Hvitserk "You will do no such thing."

Torvi "Do you hear yourself? You want to hide from Ivar!"

"Only until he calms down. When he is calm, he's the man I fell in love with." They all stay silent. "What?" They still do not respond, "Torvi, what are you not telling me?"

Torvi "Now is not the time. I will tell you when the time is right."

"And when will that be?"

Ubbe "When your daughter is born."

"That is five months away Ubbe."

Ubbe "Then that is how long you will have to wait."

"Why?"

Torvi "Because what we will tell you is so awful that you will be in too much distress that it could be harmful the child.." you walk backwards but Hvitserk stops you by holding your waists.

Ubbe "Hey, we are all on your side, ya'here? We are going to protect you."

"You are all acting like he has a plan to kill me!"

Ubbe "We are not saying that Y/n."

Torvi "We are telling you that he is dangerous when he loses himself. Your wrist is the example. When he does, he is hard to control. We are warning you so that you can know to watch over yourself."

"Why is he snapping so much lately?"

Hvitserk "The siege is coming up quicker than we all expected. When he is stressed, the slightest thing can set him off."

"Maybe when the battle is won, he will go back to the man I married."

Ubbe "Hopefully."

You all continued to talk about matters and they tried to put your mind at ease as best as possible. You have a fear in your gut but you keep saying in your mind, that when the battle is won, he will come back to you. Everything will be fine and everything will go back to how it was at the very beginning.

@youbloodymadgenius @hvitserkmarcosource @ivarsgoddess @a-mess-of-fandoms @readsalot73 @heavenly1927 @saldelys @herestherealproblem @conaionaru

#the battle between love and fire #ivar lothbrok #ivar the boneless #hvitserk #hvitserk lothbrok #ubbe lothbrok #torvi vikings #vikings #alexhoghandersen #alex hogh andersen #marcoilsø #marco ilsoe #marco ilsø #jordan patrick smith

[yutaya]

Iron Fist Rewatch 1x04: Eight Diagram Dragon Palm

Danny, struggling to pull himself onto that light post thing with his probably now bruised chest: "I dedicate myself to the service of all beings of K'un Lun-" *falls* So is this a recitation they do in training - is he trying to use that mindset to help him climb this beam? Is he doing some sort of traditional ask-the-gods-to-bless-me-with-strength thing?

Lol somehow I had remembered it as Danny crawling up again anyway after the initial push. I forgot they actually went and collected him. Guess that makes them look more favorable to him than my own recall though...

On the coffee table directly facing Danny when he wakes up, probably meant to be a sign to him about where he is and who has so kindly rescued and tended to him after his unfortunate tumble off a building: the formal pic of Harold and children, another photo hard to make out - my first thought was the vacation photo of the 6 of them but it's very sepia, could be something else. Maybe if I look back at other photos we've seen before I could match it.

Danny: "What happened to me? Last I remember I was climbing up-" Ward: "Yeah, like goddamn Daredevil." LOL

UGH THIS WHOLE HAROLD INTRO SCENE UGH Danny mad at Ward one second and then Harold appears and it's like the breath is punched out of him. Looking at Ward and Ward just calmly looking back because he clearly knows what's going on and Danny doesn't - it's as if they're bringing him into their confidence on something. This is a form of offering Danny something he wants - to be a part of something with the only family he thought he had left, not to mention the miracle of one of his parent-figures being alive again. (Wow, what a journey. From finding out Harold is dead and then Ward and Joy both quite clearly rejecting him and denying him a place in their lives to Joy actually doing something to indicate maybe at least she still wants him around after all? To wait, Ward and Harold bringing me in on something too? It's like the dream he clung to in K'un Lun got snatched away and now seems to be trickling back, and - UGH.) "You see him too?" because Danny thought he was seeing things that night at the hospital but this- this is real? Ward's sad, small nod because he knows so much more about Harold than Danny does, and he's seeing this innocent joy (word choice intended) while knowing himself to be wary and that this is almost definitely another manipulation (but what if it's not? What if-? But Harold is still dangerous, he can't help it, there's a reason Ward wants to protect Joy from him even while knowing that Harold favors her so dearly, because there are other ways to hurt your children-)

Harold calmly walking forward while wearing a black suit and confirming "I did die," followed by Danny's "You look the same age as when I last saw you..." - Vampire AU??? (Ugh but why did it have to be Harold? Not a fan of monsters as the bad guys.... need a non-evil vamp to balance him out....)

The way Ward just keeps looking silently between the both of them, like a witness, like - UGH.

"You're home now," GOD DAMMIT and Danny's relief and gratitude and Ward's somber look down I -

Cancer lasted 3 years

Ward: "Dad, are you sure you should be saying this?" Harold: "It's ok. Danny needs to know this." Casting Ward in the opposition role

Ward sits down in the chair adjacent to the couch Danny is on. Harold crosses over from where he was standing near the left side of the couch to sit on the farther right side instead - specifically sitting in between Danny and Ward.

Harold: "I still remember my last breath. Scariest shit I've ever experienced." Ward looks up and away, taking a breath, before turning back again. Combo of eye-roll at dramatics and genuine pain at the thought because that's his dad and Ward remembers those years of pain and decay and - ?

I forgot Danny originally thought of the Hand more like a fable than a reality - and finding out they're a real, present threat combines with being told it's not K'un Lun that they're threatening, but that this whole time, they've actually been digging their claws into his home?

Ward rolling his eyes with his whole body when Harold encourages Danny to think about this as ~embracing his destiny~ hahaha

Ward: No offense, but Danny has zero idea how to do business and therefore maybe shouldn't be running a company with again, absolutely zero training??? Harold: Don't mind Ward being a petulant brat who wants to keep you from your rightful place in our family, Danny. I need you. :)

Harold to Danny: "We've needed a fighter like you back in the family." - right in front of Ward, yet another small "unlike you, who are weak" jab. In line with the whole "Joy can close the deal, you, Ward, can not do anything" lines in the previous episode.

Ward warning Danny about Harold!! But not really doing it great so it could be taken as another 'othering' where Danny could hear 'Harold's not YOUR dad' instead of Ward's intended 'Harold's not your DAD' - made much better by his clarification that Harold only cares about Harold and helping to show he meant 'not a good supportive dad you can lean blindly on' than if he had just. left it at that. I'm glad for Ward's continuing with that line and for Danny's long, considering look at nothing afterward. Gives the sense that Danny feels that something is off, even if he's not sure what.

Colleeeeeeeeeeeeen and her shame and her truly believing in honoring the code of bushido and her teaching these children to get them "the scholarship" to help them in a legitimate, meaningful, honorable way (SOB) and believing that their skills should be about the code and not be about flashiness or showing off or being able to lord their power and ability over others or money -

Code of Bushido (Includes eight virtues, and this episode title is Eight Diagram Dragon Palm. Coincidence???)

1. Rectitude or Justice (refers to PERSONAL rectitude - “one’s power to decide upon a course of conduct in accordance with reason, without wavering” “the bone that gives firmness and stature...without Rectitude neither talent nor learning can make the human frame into a samurai.”)

2. Courage (Bushido distinguishes between bravery and courage - “Courage is doing what is right”)

3. Benevolence or Mercy (“Love, magnanimity, affection for others, sympathy and pity, are traits of Benevolence, the highest attribute of the human soul”)

4. Politeness (Courtesy is rooted in benevolence - “Politeness should be the expression of a benevolent regard for the feelings of others; it’s a poor virtue if it’s motivated only by a fear of offending good taste. In its highest form Politeness approaches love”)

5. Honesty and Sincerity (interestingly, rather than what *I* personally think of when I hear the words “honesty and sincerity”, the info in the Bushido code text about this virtue mostly centers around the idea of disdaining money and riches - probably what Colleen is talking about with her whole “fighting for money breaks the bushido code” thing)

6. Honor (referring to non-martial behavior)

7. Loyalty (bushido text about this seems mostly in context of loyalty to a superior, to your leader, to people you are indebted to. Applies tragically to Colleen and her personal experience with Hand culture. To me, of course, I am more interested in the idea of those leaders deserving your love and your loyalty hand-in-hand with it. Given the other virtues, this IS probably what the code meant to include, but from a modern standpoint it seems like one of those things where especially paramilitary organizations or cults like the Hand could twist the letter of it into an expectation of blindly following orders, even perhaps against your personal devotion to the other virtues)

8. Character and Self-Control (“Bushido teaches that men should behave according to an absolute moral standard, one that transcends logic. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong. The difference between good and bad and between right and wrong are givens, not arguments subject to discussion or justification, and a man should know the difference.” I get the ideal of this, but something about the wording sits weirdly with me... maybe the implication that they can’t make a mistake?)

Ageless qualities of manliness: choosing compassion over confrontation, and benevolence over belligerence <3

“The tie might be a touch effeminate” Shut UP Ward

Danny, at a press conference: *waves at Jeri* “Hey.” Jeri: *shakes her head*

Danny: “Yes, I was in a mental hospital.” Joy, despairingly: “Oh, Danny”

Jeri smiling. Maybe she worked with Danny on how to handle the press conference and likely questions he would face? My headcanon from this anyway. Ward and Joy looking at each other, seems like in surprise at Danny’s answers and spin?

“Kindness is the eternal law”

The way Danny slips in to this conversation with Joy about the Red Hook property for his Hand investigation is very well done. Reminds me of watching the Netflix trailer and thinking that it made IF look like a show where Danny was some form of government agent going undercover as himself for an investigation.

SO CUTE how Danny goes “woah, I have a first appointment of the day? Who is it?” and then he turns around and it’s his friend Jeri! Hahaha. Danny: “J-money!!” *goes in for a hug* Jeri: “Woah, we don’t do that.”

Jeri: “Your father’s office. Even found his old desk.” Meaning she was the one working on this - Ward is the one who had to set Danny up there after his sarcastic remarks in the penthouse, but Jeri brought in the sentimentality. (Jeri, directly after basically admitting to putting a bunch of effort into a very sentimental gesture here: “Now don’t get all weepy on me.”) Jeri in IF is so soft I love it

Danny: “I pretty much had to raise the dead.” *smirks to himself at his own inside joke*

Jeri, trying to give Danny advice: “For most of these people, you are a hostile takeover.” Me: JERI, HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE NUANCES OF YOUR CORPORATE SPEAK.

Jeri asks if Danny wants the door open or closed. He chooses open. Open to Megan, open to all his new coworkers and employees. Danny is, at his core, for people.

LOL Did Danny just steal Ward’s chair?

Danny: *forces half the board to move so he can sit next to Joy* Me: DANNY

If these guys really wanted to persuade Danny to their point of view on the sell-at-cost thing, they should have emphasized the “funding new research” part of it instead of just repeating “this is just business” ad nauseam. Obviously Ward is actually trying to do the opposite right now and get Danny driven out, but idk what the rest of these people are thinking. Danny acknowledges that they can still make profits elsewhere, which is his side offering a dialogue to meet them. Their counter is that the WHO will be buying it from them and subsidizing it from other people. If they wanted to meet or even just appear to be meeting Danny partway, they could have suggested an initiative to work with the WHO on a program for that? Although since none of them want to actually do that and don’t really care what Danny thinks about it, I know why they didn’t.

Joy raising her eyebrow at Ward’s declaring that they’ll go to market at cost like “I see you Ward and how many times have I told you to leave the maneuvering to me you are unsubtle and unskilled”

Danny looking back at Ward significantly on his way to his discussion with Joy about the pier deal

Ward taking The Drugs before he has to answer Harold’s late night phone call

Harold: You did a great job today. Ward: *baffled expression* Harold: Now, son, this isn’t the time to point fingers, it’s the time for solutions. Ward: There it is. Harold: Also, you screwed up in the meeting and you need to make it up. Ward: *sigh*

Danny: white sneakers with the suit

Joy casually placing the monks and their traditional robes in a lower class position to them and their white collar formal business attire

Time for Joy to play the angle on Danny, curb his at-cost behavior for the future

The ringmaster choosing the second fighter for Colleen followed by that “look, you guys know all the rules” line - I like this guy. He probably remembers how the last dude Colleen fought was a rule-breaker and wants to keep all his fighters safe as possible in an already dangerous 2-on-1 fight like this.

Again with the camera slowing and the noise fading and the blood splattering camera work giving the “losing control” vibe

“The problem was, I never thought through WHY I wanted this job. I mistook my stubborn will for a sense of... destiny, or something.” (Danny, earlier: “My shifu would have called this destiny.”)

“Every moment was a struggle. Failure... led to a beating. Victory... led to another fighting style. To the next lesson.”

Joy flat out calls it abuse and Danny doesn’t deny it.

Vodka and tonic, light on the tonic.

Danny clearly still shaken by the borderline flashbacks to his life at K’un Lun.

Is this the first time the Hatchets appear? Just storming the apartment and punching Joy in the face? Danny and Joy must both be like “WHAT IS HAPPENING”

Joy tries punching one of them. Good for you, Joy.

Ah yes, Ward flat out telling one of the more shark-like reporters that the drug is a huge deal that would save millions of lives and that Rand was of course planning to really boost the price to make a “huge” profit. “That is a loss of hundreds of millions of dollars [that our one company wanted to make off of the millions of people who needed this drug to save their lives]. He’s worse than those bleeding-heart-liberal-trust-fund hipsters wandering around Williamsburg.” (Note: Williamsburg: hip neighborhood that draws the young and fashionable. Boutiques, cafes, street art, outdoor concerts and food markets. Dance clubs, bars, music halls. East Williamsburg is ranked one of the 5 most LGBTQ+ friendly neighborhoods in Brooklyn.)

“Ellison, don’t give the front page to Karen”

Ward just looks at her retreating back and rubs his hands together like “Ah yes, a job well done.” Biggest question for the viewers in this scene is probably: Did Ward tank this on purpose or is he really that far removed from the reality of the non-Elite?

Colleen: still bloody from her illegal cage fighting and hears noise outside her door. Last time she heard noise, it was attackers breaking in for what probably seemed to her like retaliation. Then it’s Danny and she has the relieved exasperation, but - oh ho, Joy Meachum?

“Wasn’t he stalking you?” “It was a misunderstanding.” “Right. I guess being a millionaire covers a multitude of sins.” (Danny: “Billionaire.” Colleen in the background: *disbelieving huff+head shake*)

TRIADS. Time for my triad rant: Every drama show ever to involve Asian-Americans - even just in one-episode specials - includes triads. I’m so sick of it. I know organized crime is a real problem that actually exists, but - why are the Asians always evil? It’s like having the mafia be a plotline every time an Italian character exists on screen. Plz diversify. Media colors perception.

Danny: literally just walks into a restaurant and says he needs to speak to the head of the crime gang. AND THEN NONE OF THEM EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO DENY IT. The Hatchets literally just open the door to their backroom where you can clearly see their illegal activity and come out to talk to Danny. What if he was working with the cops, guys?

It’s so scary how the Yangshi Gonsi react to the mention of the Hand. Well done, IF.

“Joke around the house was that Danny and I were pledged to be married.” (“In another life, this would have been romantic.”) (THIS CREEPS ME OUT THOUGH in a very personally specific triggering way as someone who spent their childhood running around with a boy that I found out later people thought was gonna “knock me up someday.” #BARF)

Colleen has a billionaire in her dojo learning how to punch on a dummy held together with duct tape because she can’t afford to fix it. (Also: Colleen's dojo is also for self-defense classes. Joy was just attacked by hatchet-wielders.)

Danny: "The hatchets won’t be a problem anymore." and then doesn’t elaborate. DANNY THAT SOUNDS SO SHADY. YOU LOOK SO SHADY RIGHT NOW.

Danny: *reaches out and touches Colleen’s hand* Colleen: *flinches back* What are you doing? DANNY. DANNY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. You seriously have no idea how you come across. Joy is watching all this like “wow....ok.”

Danny used to fight in illegal fight clubs on his way back from K’un Lun. Along with his obtaining an illegal fake ID. New headcanon: Danny is actually super connected to the criminal underground worldwide. Mob bosses everywhere have a soft spot for him. He’s somewhere on a mission with Ward/Colleen/Defenders/HfH and acting like he knows the area, someone recognizes him and he starts chatting cheerfully with them, suddenly they’re being greeted and helped out by people deep in the black market scene while Danny bear hugs someone that most people clearly fear and his companions look on with wide eyes.

Danny, a literal billionaire: Remember how I offered to pay you six months rent for helping me out? Colleen, broke as hell: My denial stands.

Danny: So how are we gonna tell Ward? (framing them - all three of them - as a team) Joy: lmao, are we thinking about the same Ward? You want to tell the most overprotective big brother in the world that men with hatchets attacked his sister? Do you remember what he did to those bullies when we were 8?

Gao: *black bags Harold, refuses to tell him where they’re taking him, doesn’t reveal that this particular instance is him landing on the ‘good’ side of the scale until the last possible second.*

Ugh, he just puts that sword back in the scabbard with all the blood still on it? Improper blade care

Oh yeah, I guess this is the audience’s first scene showing that Harold is capable of cold-blooded murder

I notice that this article may be the front page of the business section, but is NOT the front of the newspaper. Sorry, Jennifer.

[I had initially transcribed the article here, but have made it it's own post which can be found here. Notes on the article, though: Jennifer was very kind to the Meachums in it, given what Ward was actually saying. Also, which Bulletin employee fell down on grammar checking that thing?]

Danny’s Jeri-given apartment doesn’t have a number on the door, but does have some sort of cherry blossom branches etching in the plate?

The Hatchet box!!! (congrats again @Sholio LOL) Yang Hai-Qing wants Danny to get rid of the Hand too. He wasn’t gonna mess with them, explained they didn’t know about the Hand's involvement when they went after Joy, and apologized, but then the Hand came to his restaurant and killed one of his men anyway.

Ah yes, the great tattoo reveal. Also, is that a bullet’s pucker scar on Danny’s left shoulder?

#Iron Fist #iron fist rewatch #eight diagram dragon palm #my stuff #the immortal iron fist #i am lagging so badly on this rewatch!! #but this episode literally took me all day

[vixthefantheorist]

The Last of Us - Thoughts

Now before anything, I want to say that I haven’t finished the game yet, I’m playing it with my brother as we take turns playing through areas and just having the experience. So I don’t know the ending and nor will I be looking to spoil myself to it. Even though I have been watching Jacksepticeye’s playthrough of it, ((I haven’t seen today’s video of it yet and not going to until I either finish the game or experienced the next area myself. He actually left off where my brother and I were at in yesterday’s video.)) But Seán had said he was curious of how people felt about things. So I wanted to say my two cents on things so far. I won’t go into details since I haven’t finished the game so I don’t know the full story yet. So please do not go spoiling it for me, that’s all I ask.

Joel’s death... I actually don’t have a real issue with, maybe it was a bit quick in a sense, but other than no real issues. Not even with how he died or why he fell into that trap so easily. In the first game, Joel is very bitter, wary and cynical. So if that kind of personality, he’s going to be constantly on guard, tense and thin patience. I mean after losing your daughter to the very beginning of the world going straight to shit and basically under the thumb of the very government that kinda shot and killed your daughter out of paranoia... you’re gonna feel that way. And it has been that for 20 years?  And that makes sense because he lost his daughter, he got into a fight with his younger brother who ran around with the Fireflies (who kinda threw people at FEDRA and not really give a fuck who was in the blast zone) and he worried that Tommy would get himself killed by the crew’s mindset, (thankfully Tommy left before that happened but he did learn some ugly tips and tricks but still) and they haven’t spoken for years. So he was hurt emotionally at least twice and closed himself off to avoid the pain again.  Doesn’t help that later on, he loses Tess in trying to get Ellie to the Fireflies, so that’s thrice there if barely. But it still hurt and he’s been emotionally distant for a long time and was used to that. And now he was along, dragging a literal child around across the country to get some cure to be made. Its clear from the very beginning that he stays gruff and cold to Ellie, just treating her as cargo.  And it would’ve stayed that way if Ellie hadn’t faced his gruffness with her own sarcasm, which both are defensive mechanisms they each had. And... that sarcasm reminded him of Sarah. Not to mention, Ellie’s enthusiasm of being outside of the QZ. Its was shown when she first saw the sunrise outside of the QZ and Joel had warmed up to her just a little... only to later clam back up after Tess died. And throughout the first game, you see Joel’s back and forth sway of how to deal with Ellie, cold and distant, close and warm with their banter... and even then he was trying to not treat her as a daughter. But eventually that fails after Ellie argued about her being scared of being shoved off to someone else (because by then Joel was getting attached to her and was actually scared to feel that pain again and tried to distance himself... that failed.); and then also after Ellie had to brutally kill David to save herself and Joel called her ‘baby girl’, a name he reserved for Sarah and he realized how much he did care for her other than ‘she’s the cure for infection’.  Now what does all of that have to do with Joel failing to be cautious and not die? Well, that’s because that’s all he’s really known in the first game, the hostility of others. He doesn’t kill crews just to kill them, if he could, he’d rather avoid them altogether to just get through the cities to get to the Firefly’s base. He could care less what other groups were doing as long as it didn’t bother with him or his goal. And that fact, that’s what he’s used to... being hostile and being met with hostility. That’s how things were and somewhat still are in areas with QZs. which the majority are large ass cities. Now, Jackson... is more remote. Surrounded by nature, mountains, snow storms, waterfalls and rivers to power their hydroelectric equipment. Did they have to deal with raiders? Yes, a lot which did make Maria’s group rather jumpy but not trigger happy, giving at least people warnings to fuck off or be shot. And it took them quite a while to not only build up Jackson but also to be less paranoid. Alert, but not paranoid.  And Joel, sadly became complaisant and relaxed because he thought he didn’t have to worry about Marlene coming after Ellie and the people that have been coming to Jackson were genuine people with no intentions to take over or kill. Just wanting a place to belong or were unsure and skittish. You can’t blame him after 4~5 years of not dealing with hostility on a hourly basis that he got careless around people.  Especially since, he was more focused on trying to be father but not father to Ellie, more like that awkward best friend. Because fatherly instincts were in full gear and he didn’t know how to figure that out, hence his awkwardness around Ellie. I mean 20 years without dealing with a teenage daughter, you fall out of practice to figure out what to do. So in meeting Abby being chased by a large ass horde of infected, her helping him and Tommy, even protecting both of them (when she could’ve just as easily focused on helping Tommy and not Joel or something)... Joel figured she was a good person. Just in shock and wanting to get back to her group.  That or Joel was just trying to keep polite and not raise tensions in a group that isn’t with Jackson, you got your younger brother with you, a snow storm happening and a group of infected still out there. You don’t want to cause problems, so you don’t show hostility and perhaps they wouldn’t either. Plus they had nothing on them to signify they were Fireflies. Just a normal, small group passing through.  Either case, he let his guard down significantly until he was too far into the lion’s den and too late to back out once his and Tommy’s names were revealed. Which is bother not normal for him but at the same time fitting given the time frame and the situation. And even then, it was mostly Tommy doing the talking and Joel was more or less quiet. As in, he was still wary but didn’t want to be very aggressive with it and be polite until the snow storm was over and they would just leave the group be. So that’s kind of what my thought process is of why I didn’t see the issue with his death as it is. I mean I understand the frustration about it and you’re valid to feel that way. I mean I was surprised completely by that, I didn’t see any of the leaks or looked up any info other than the release date since I wanted to be kept surprised when I played it. So I never thought it would that way. I figured he would die but at least maybe a bit more into the game. Then I realized that the game is supposed to be about Ellie’s struggles, not Joel’s. So it made sense to me. But again, this is just my personal thoughts and opinion about it.

#The Last of Us Part 2 #The Last of Us #Jacksepticeye #my thoughts on the Joel's Death

[fairydust-stuff]

Bosses of China Town

Banana Fish has a lot of awesome characters but I want to talk about the China Town gang bosses. I was originally going to talk about just Shorter, but he’s one of those characters who took a back seat until shortly before his own death. So I figured I could talk about Sing as well just to extend things a bit. Also I strongly disagree with the Sing is just another Shorter Wong, argument because these two have very different mindsets.

Shorter Wong is first introduced in the Short story “Angel Eyes” the first shot we get of him is Shorter writing his sister Nadia a letter. Ash is brought to the juvenile detention center and Shorter is assigned the responsibility of watching him. “That’s why I wanna put him in Block A with you. You got things under control over there” (pg. 45). This line from the guy in charge tells us Shorter has some authority over the other guys and deals with situations before things get out of hand. From the get go Shorter is presented as a leader who handles things before they get out of control.

Shorter’s first impulse is to try to be friendly towards Ash showing him around while warning the other guys not to try anything when they cat call Ash. “I’m supposed to look after you here, so you need any help with stuff or whatever shoot” (pg. 51). This shows that Shorter takes his responsibility towards Ash very seriously. It’s also kind of interesting how Shorter doesn’t like him at first referring to Ash as a brat in his head and even feeling wary of him. When two guys get into a fight over who gets to claim Ash. Shorter ends the fight by saying “You can duke it out with me Frankie” judging by the fact the guys back off, Shorter is not the kind of guy you want to fight. He also mentions Frankie tried to sexually assault him but Shorter fought him off emphasizing that he’s a good fighter.

There’s also a bit of a duel personality since Shorter tells Ash to let Frankie rape him but thinks about how practical or not this is awful advice and feels ashamed of saying this. “But his eyes said if you can’t or won’t help me, keep your big mouth shut and leave me alone!”(pg. 67). Shorter’s ability to realize Ash is a rape victim show he’s perceptive and suggests he has been exposed to these kinds of stories numerous times. Shorter even casually asks if Ash was arrested for child prostitution. He also tells off the guys for trying to obtain Ash even though he told Ash to just let it happen. This shows Shorter can’t bring himself to let Ash get raped again. Later Ash challenges Frankie and defeats him easily later he tells Shorter he got the idea to challenge the other guy because of him “I didn’t decide to go easy on him but I know how thanks to you” (pg. 83). Ash informs Shorter. This causes Shorter to become rather scared of Ash.

Later its revealed Ash faked sexual interest in one of the other juvie boys to find out if Frankie was actually an assassin sent to kill him. Shorter calls him out for being a user to which Ash gets testy and reminds the other boy Ricardo wanted to use him for sex. Shorter retorts with “Don’t play games with people’s feelings! Cuz if you do that- you’re no different from those assholes you hate!” (108). this seems to be something Ash kind of forgets later on, but this exchange causes Ash to reveal his honest feelings about being objectified, which Shorter listen’s to. I know fans get wrapped in how special Eiji is to Ash and I’m not denying that however Eiji was not the first person to treat Ash with kindness, it was actually Shorter who was the first person to treat Ash like a person. Shorter was the first guy who listened to Ash and dared call him out.

“Angel Eyes” characterizes Shorter as the kind of guy who tries to be practical, but due to his compassion often goes against what makes sense in favor of what he believes is right. This trait of Shorter’s shows up again in Banana Fish vol 4. It’s revealed here that Shorter works under the Chinese Mafia. Hua lee asks Shorter to spy on Ash and his group. “Forget it Ash is my friend and I don’t stab my friends in the back!” (146 pg.) he declares. However, Shorter does agree to work with the Lee’s because Hua gets in his head. “Beautiful words but remember Ash is a white punk and you and I share the same proud heritage” (146). This is important because it seems to imply Shorter’s has a misplaced sense of nationalism.

This is further elaborated on in a conversation between Yut Lung and Shorter, where Yut reminds Shorter of the bloody history of the Chinese families in power. “Often of their own relatives their own children our ancestors in the ruling family of the Ching Dynasty committed murder and assassination” (153). As I stated in my previous piece “The Flying Boy and the Snake” Yut often acts as a guide that encourages other characters to look at the less pleasant aspects of their situation. This suggests that Shorter views his own cultural heritage and the Chinese Mafia in an idealized way. He does not see the complexities of a very complicated cultural history with both good and bad points. Shorter’s idealization is further emphasized by him telling Yut they like Eiji “Because he’s innocent and honest” which is actually a really simplistic view of who Eiji is as a person.

Shorter’s reaction is to pull a knife on Yut because once he finds out the Lee’s are working for Dino his image of them shatters. “I was raised to respect you! To look up to the Lee family” (180). It’s implied that Shorter and his family as American immigrants wanted to view someone as being on their side. “It’s because of the Lee Family that we can be safe here. That we can live and put down roots in this feign soil because the Lee’s are here to protect us” Shorter laments. Though Shorter, Banana Fish seems to express a kind of wary ness towards the idea of complete loyalty to one’s own kind at the expense of everyone else. The Mob is the mob and cultural heritage doesn’t erase that Banana Fish argues. “You’re no better than Papa Dino! Just another Mob! Leeches who live off the blood of others” (181) Shorter declares. These are the kinds of loyalties that bind gangs and mafia together blood, and where you come from your ethnicity from are often manipulation tactics used by those in power to control and use others to their benefit.

Shorter despite dying horribly does so because he goes against what he was taught for the first time in his life. “I’ll protect Eiji with my own life. I won’t let them hurt him”(pg. 31) Shorter declares in vol 5. Trying to protect Eiji no matter how fruit ness it seems is all he can do at this point. While he ultimately fails to shelter Eiji and has him forcefully snatched from his arms. This does show that Shorter has learned the hard way to place friendship above nationalism.

Though unintentionally or not there’s still kind of a flawed ideology in the fact Shorter vows to an unconscious Eiji he’ll kill him to preserve his innocence. “If Dino tries to make you into his pet I’ll take you out before you know what’s happening” (69). Shorter has more traditional values and maybe that’s the point. Shorter’s death maybe a symbolic representation of older pro mafia attitudes rooted in nationalism and blood ties dying out.

After a couple of re watches and rereads of the manga, I realized Sing had to be brought in because despite being Shorter’s successor. Sing Soo ling does things differently from Shorter. Sing offers to team up with Ash’s former gang members to take Dino’s manor. “Our suits did a deal with Dino Golzine but that’s got nothing to do with us” (pg. 179). While Shorter idealized the Lee’s, Sing refers to them as the suits viewing them as a kind of beaurcracy whose dealings are far removed from his gang.

He also shows himself to be more practical then Shorter wanting to actually make a plan before attacking Golzine’s manor. “We’re here to rescue our respective bosses. If we don’t know where we can attack from and how to get out we’ll just die like dogs. And I sure as hell don’t plan on committing mass suicide with you guys” (pg. 50). Sing informs them. Later when he’s told Ash killed Shorter, Sing wants to wait to hear Ash out and receive an explanation. When Ash won’t give him one Sing reverts to rules of the street and tries to take him out.

Later when Sing joins Yut in his helicopter he admits they only reason he put up with the Lee’s bossing them around was out of respect for Shorter. “Because we’re sick and tired of em that’s why! The old guys and all their deals (172). In contrast to Shorter who in Yut’s own words respected his elders. Sing has a disgust for a traditional older generation who he finds oppressive due to their backroom deals that screw people like him and Shorter over.

It’s also of note how Sing behaves towards Yut in contrast to Shorter. While Shorter agreed to obey Yut because of his name and showed subservience towards him at first. His protégée flat out questions Yut a lot. “Or do you just think the lower class doesn’t need know?”(128). In Vol 9 Sing tells Yut “Look I know you saved before but that doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do with it (Pg. 74). Sing is fine working with Yut but he doesn’t want to be his lackey and makes that very clear. When Yut is taken hostage by Eiji in vol 10. Sing goes after them in contrast to Yut’s bodyguard who yells that he’s going against master’s orders. Sing chooses to save rather than obey by going after them. “In case you never noticed I don’t take orders from him!”(pg. 18).

However Sing shares Shorter’s sense of compassion when he realizes Yut wants Eiji to shoot him he tries to communicate with him only to be shut out and told to leave. Sing responds by saying “Easy to say, harder to do” (pg. 31). This implies he doesn’t want to leave Yut but realizes that Eiji is running around a dangerous neighborhood at night and that takes priority. Sing saves Eiji from attempted rapists and nurses him back to health, giving him a safe place to stay. He also saves Yut again later on from an assassin even after he’s cut ties with him.

In vol 13 Sing later follows in Shorter’s footsteps by going against Yut when he finds out he’s working with Golzine. “ If your going to keep up this little partnership of yours- I might end up giving that Japanese kid some backup”(pg. 95). However, it’s not so much a sense of morals it’s more of a street code. If Yut wasn’t working with the guys who killed Shorter I honestly doubt Sing would care. “ Golzine’s the one who was giving Arthur orders and he’s the one who gave Shorter that drug”(pg. 95) Sing emphasizes. I just want to point out it’s not a conflict of morality but one of interests between the two of them. Sing likes Yut but he has obligations as boss to avenge Shorter. Sing’s role as boss often conflicts with his personal feelings. He is obligated to fight Ash to avenge Shorter in the eyes of his gang and must perform this function. Yet its clear Sing does not want to fight Ash not only because he doesn’t want to die but as Sing tells Lao in vol 14 “ The only one who can keep a lid on the downtown turf is Ash got that!” (pg. 53). Sing is the out of all the main bosses the one who thinks of the bigger picture beyond revenge and basic power plays.

Sing is much more concerned with the safety of his gang. Later in vol 15 he wakes up at Ash’s hideout and his first concern is his guys even though Sing himself is injured. “ Because it ain’t your buddies that’re gonna be skinned alive!”(pg. 117). This takes priority for him over who has the most power or pursuit of revenge. Unlike the Lee’s Sing cares about his own people even though it’s never at the expense of other individuals. This is what turns him aginst Yut since the other boy targets others out of jealousy. However unlike Ash, Sing does not pursue revenge in the end. As depicted in vol 16, when Ash gives Sing an out not to fight him Sing takes it. He also can’t bring himself to shoot Yut lung in vol 18 despite his betrayal. “ Cuz your hurt your soul’s bleeding even now”(174) Sing says.

Interestingly enough, Sing claims he too is responsible for the invasion of China Town “ But the bad blood between us created an opening for the Vietnamese and Arbs and I guess that’s my fault as well as yours”(171). This suggests that Banana Fish lays the blame of corruption at the feet of feuding authority figures and that maybe Sing’s rule of the street. As Sing reminds Yut like it or not “ Your still our leader” and convinces the lee heir to help him fix China town since “ China towns gone to the dogs people can’t even walk around safely in broad daylight”(173). These are the reasons it’s Sing and not Shorter who is the one to repair China town. Shorter is a relatively good person, at least by these series standards with a lot of empathy. However he was too willing to bend to the Lee’s whims and never question and challenge anything they did. Even before Shorter is injected with Banana Fish it’s heavily implied he’s given up hope entirely. Thinking the best scenario is for him to kill Eiji and then himself. Shorter exits being used as a tool to get to Ash and anger him being put down like a dog to end his suffering. Sing represents a newer generation that didn’t absorb fully nationalist ideas and loyalty to the mafia. 

While he does still value his own ethnic group and their needs he questions whether the Lee’s are what’s best for the citizens of China Town. Even when he’s willing to work with Yut, Sing makes it clear he’s not going to be a blind lacky. Sing when faced with the messy reality of Chinatown crumbling due to his and Yut’s feud tries to repair the rift between them. He is in the position do something since Sing post phoned and eventually decided not to die because of some honor bound purpose. At the end of the day Sing chooses to survive, repair and unite the different fractions for a common goal. However Sing was very much inspired by and driven by the empathy, sense of responsibility and love he learned from Shorter these are the same lessons Sing teaches Yut. I think both Shorter and Sing have their flaws and both bosses ideologies loyalty to one’s own kind above all else and street code can both be downright be toxic when taken to extremes but I think both are equally well written characters and important to understanding Banana Fish’s theme of unity in the face of oppression.

Citations Yoshida, Akimi. Banana Fish Vol 3. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida,Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 4. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida,Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 5. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida,Akimi. Banana Fish Vol 6. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida, Akimi. Banana Fish Vol 9. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida, Akimi. Banana Fish Vol 10. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida, Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 13. Shogakukan inc, 1987 Yoshida, Akimi. Banana Fish Vol 14. Shogakukan inc,1987 Yoshida,Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 15. Shogakukan inc, 1987 Yoshida,Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 16. Shogakukan inc, 1987 Yoshida,Akimi.Banana Fish Vol 18. Shogakukan inc, 198

#Banana Fish #sing soo ling #shorter wong #Yut lung #ash linx #eiji okumura #character essay

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 3/20

Cold is the Night - 3/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost.

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here.

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Of two things Pat was certain: the D-Backs were gonna lose and it was going to be his fault. 

The crowd wasn't very big which was only a small consolation. He knew he was doomed the moment he stepped into the batter's box. His team shouted words of encouragement but they fell on deaf ears. The other team's pitcher looked smug, which made Pat feel worse.

First, he swung too soon, his nerves getting the better of him. He could feel his cheeks burn with embarrassment and he tried to ignore the insults from the other team. It didn't work.

The second time, he swung too late, missing the ball by inches. By then, he was so riled up his vision was tinted red. In the back of his mind he suddenly remembered that you were watching which made him extra jumpy for some reason.

The third ball was perfect. Right down the middle. And yet, he didn't swing, too frozen in fear and anxiety to notice until it was too late.

He was out.

Gritting his teeth and gripping the bat he made his way to the dugout. His team knew what was coming and scrambled to get out of his way as he let out a cacophony of swears.

"Fuck! Fucking idiot! So fucking stupid!" he threw the bat and his helmet on the ground. Not being able to stand the stares and laughter from the opposing team, he ducked behind the dugout and unleashed his fury.

"FUCKING FUCK!" 

He kicked the dirt, punched the back of the dugout, and threw his gloves all while letting out every and any swear he could come up with.

Pat was so wrapped up in his anger, he didn't realize someone was calling his name until the person got closer. 

"WHAT?!" He rounded on them, ready to tell them to fuck off, until he realized it was you. He swallowed his rage long enough to say, "Now is not a good fucking time." His face was covered with dirt and sweat, making his eyeblack run down his cheeks.

"I can see that. I'm not fucking blind," you said. "I was watching from the bleachers. Figured you could use a talking down."

"Just leave me alone!" Pat snapped, kicking the dugout. It felt good so he did it again and again, harder each time.

"Pat, Pat! Stop! You're gonna fucking hurt yourself!" you drew closer, trying to talk him down. 

Pat kept going, kicking faster and faster until suddenly he was blasted in the face with cold water. He yelped in surprise and stumbled backwards.

Stunned, he looked at you as you lowered your water bottle. "Did you just spray me with water?!"

"It was the only thing I could think of," you said. "Did it work?"

To a certain degree it had. He had stopped kicking, but now he was angry and wet.

"What the fuck? You didn't have to do anything. You could have just left me alone."

"If I had, you would have broken your foot," you said. "So, you're welcome."

Pat wiped the remaining water from his eyes before smoothing his wet hair from his face. He hadn't been able to find his hat which only added to his frustrations. Regardless, the water actually felt good in the summer heat but he didn't have the mindset to enjoy it.

Shoulders slumped in defeat, he leaned back against the dugout. "Why do I fucking do this to myself?"

With a sigh, you joined him, copying his stance. "Because you love it. Not the striking out part. But the game."

"Why are you here?" he snapped. "You never talked to me before. Why do you want to help me now?"

"Because you look like you need it."

"I need to be left alone."

"Do you always shit on the people trying to help you or am I a special exception?"

He could hear the anger in your voice and it made him feel somehow shitter than he already did. "You must be special."

"Lucky me."

You sat in silence as you listened to the game continue. There was something about your presence that calmed Pat down. Maybe it was your stubbornness or maybe it was just the fact that he wasn't alone. He usually needed space but with you he didn't feel like he was crowded.

After a few minutes, he realized he had been gone too long. "I need to get back," he declared with a sigh.

"Look, the game is almost done, you don’t have to hit anymore, just try to enjoy what’s left. Alright?” you nudged him with your elbow before leaving to take your place in the stands again.

Pat watched as you disappeared into the crowd before he summoned his remaining nerve to return to his teammates. They gave him wary looks as he sat heavily on the bench. 

“You alright?” Maz asked. 

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“Hey, Murray, you got a little water on your...everywhere,” Vinnie said. 

Pat looked down at the wet stain running down his chest and swore. “Yeah, Vinnie, you have your sister to thank for that.”

The guys exploded with noise and laughter. Vinnie's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. "Patrick, you didn't!"

“Dude, that’s cold!” Zapata said with a grin. “And super fucking unexpected coming from you.”

It took Pat a moment to get why everyone was laughing. When his brain finally caught up he realized how bad that had sounded. “What? NO! That’s not what I was talking about. I didn't...we didn't...she fucking sprayed me with her fucking water bottle.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Tree asked snickering. 

“Hey, hey, that’s my sister,” Vinnie cut in. “Besides, Murray isn’t even close to her type.”

Pat grit his teeth. “What makes you think I even want to be her type? She’s fucking related to you!”

“Alright, come on guys, we’re up,” Maz said, getting to his feet. “Let’s get this inning done so we can go home.”

In the end, the D-Backs didn’t lose by all that much. Pat wasn’t the only one who had trouble and by the time it was all said and done, he felt a little better about the loss. Sore and hungry, all he wanted to do was grab something to eat and go home. 

"Pizza everyone?" Garvey asked as they started to pack up. 

"Why, we didn't win," Barone said.

"So what? You don't need to win to eat pizza."

"Makes it taste better though," Vinnie said.

"Pizza is pizza, boys," Garvey declared. "It'll do everyone some good to get some grub."

"Team dinner, no exceptions," Ty said. Everyone was too hungry to argue. 

As Pat and the guys headed to the parking lot, Pat looked around but didn't see you anywhere. He was sure you'd stick around afterward and he had to admit to himself that he was a little disappointed. 

"Pat, you can ride with me," Maz said, giving him a slap on the back. The guys all piled into their cars and headed to the nearby pizza place.

He and Maz drove in silence for a few minutes before Maz casually asked, "So...what's up with you and Vinnie's sister?"

"Nothing. We're just friends. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"We've been talking more is all."

"I saw her give you a ride the other day."

Pat swore under his breath, looking out the window to avoid Maz's questioning gaze. "She offered me a ride so I didn't have to walk in the heat."

"You two also seemed to hit it off at the bar."

"She was just being nice."

"I don't know, man," Maz shrugged. "I've never seen her offer any of the other guys a ride. And she kept looking at you from across the room, even though she was working."

Pat's stomach did a weird somersault and he couldn't help but ask, "Really?"

Maz nodded. "Really."

Pat mulled over what Maz had said. Part of him wanted to believe it, since Maz wasn't one to mess with him. But he also didn't want to read too much into anything. 

"Do you like her?"

Pat swallowed thickly, his palms suddenly very sweaty. "She's alright."

"Pat, do you like her?"

"I don't know her that well. She's okay to hang out with, even if she likes to fuck with me."

"Well she is Vinnie's sister."

"Exactly."

Maz drummed his hands on the steering wheel. "I think you should go for it," he said. "In all the years I've known you, you've never really dated anyone."

A new level of anxiety washed over Pat. The thought of asking you out gave him heart palpitations. "I'm not even her type."

"Says who?"

"Vinnie. You heard him."

"What the fuck does he know? He'd say that about anyone who was interested in his sister. Don't take his word for it. Ask her yourself."

"I don't know."

Maz sighed as they pulled into the parking lot of the pizza place. "At least think about it, alright?"

"Yeah, okay."

When Pat walked into the restaurant, he was surprised to see you already there, waving the guys over from where you had pushed a few tables together. Maz's words echoed in his ears, making his heart flutter in a way that had him scowling. 

Somehow Pat wound up sitting next to you. He tried to avoid it, especially after the conversation he just had, but it happened anyway. Not that you seemed to notice. You were too busy talking across the table to Ty. Palacco sat on your other end, his arm casually resting on the back of your seat. 

Pat thought about talking to you. But nothing he could think of sounded good enough in his head so he opted for silence.

“So, little sis, Pat says you sprayed him with water,” Vinnie said. He sat across from the both of you next to Ty and, unbeknownst to Pat, had been eyeing the two of you for some time. 

“Only because I didn’t want him to fucking break something,” you said. “I’ve done the same thing to you a thousand times.”

“That’s true,” Vinnie said. “Once. she snuck into my room with a supersoaker and unloaded on me when I wouldn’t get out of bed.”

“You guys must have had an interesting childhood,” Dells said. 

“Childhood? That was last month!”

You grinned. “It fucking worked, didn’t it.” She turned to Pat who was too busy staring anywhere else but you. When you nudged him, he met your gaze hesitantly. “You think of anything fun to do in your spare time yet?”

“It’s been less than a day,” he said. 

“So?”

Pat sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “No. Nothing.”

“I thought of something when I saw you going nuts.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup!”

Pat waited but when you didn’t go on, he asked, “Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Maybe. If you’re a good boy.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“I’ve been called a lot worse.”

Waters were handed out and pizza orders were taken. The conversation flowed and Pat found himself getting comfortable in your company. Most of the time you were busy talking with Palacco and Ty, while Pat was pulled into a discussion with Maz. But every now and they the two of you would share a look and a smirk at something dumb one of the other guys did. It wasn’t until the pizza came that you finally gave him your full attention again.

“Okay, so I work over at the batting cages not too far from here and just down the road there’s a laser tag place,” you said. “We should go.”

Out of all of the things that ran through his head, that wasn't close to what he had expected.

“Laser tag?” Pat asked, deadpanned. “Aren’t we too old?”

“You’re never too old for laser tag!” Vinnie exclaimed. “Come on, Murray, it’ll be fun. We can all go.”

"Who invited you?" 

"Were you only asking Murray?" Vinnie's tone was teasing and Pat thought he saw your cheeks flush.

"No, I was inviting everyone but you, Vin," you said. "Tough break, bro."

"Why are you so mean to me?"

"Payback from when you tried to sell me when we were kids." Laughing, you turned back to Pat. "So what do you say?"

“I don’t know…”

“We’re going, and you’re coming with us,” you told him. 

“Oh am I?” Pat asked. "Why ask if you're going to just force me?"

“To be polite. You're going, even if I have to hogtie you and throw you in my trunk.”

“You two are into some kinky shit,” Dells teased.

You threw a napkin at him, which he easily dodged. 

"I'm in," Ty said. "Could use something fun to unwind after today's shitshow."

"Me too!" Garvey interjected from the other end of the table. Pat wasn't even sure he knew what they were talking about.

“Well, if you’re going than I am definitely up for it,” Palacco said, shooting you a flirty grin. 

Pat felt his stomach twist as you smiled back and deep in his gut, his anger flared a little. “Fine, I’ll go,” he said a bit too quickly. “It’s better than going home and wallowing.”

You patted his knee. “That’s the spirit!”

The second your hand made contact with his knee, warmth shot through his body. It was only a moment but he could still feel it even after you pulled away. Pat hid his smile behind his glass as he took a sip of water.

After dinner was done and the checks were paid, the group gathered in the parking lot to figure out who would be headed to laser tag. Barone opted out and left with his arm around his girlfriend. Maz had to work early the next morning, so he was out as well. But not before shooting Pat a pointed look. Zapata and Tree had other plans and Fotch’s arm was bothering him so he headed home. 

In the end, it was you, Pat, Palacco, Garvey, Ty, Vinnie, Dells, and David. 

"Pat, you can ride with us," Dells said as he and Garvey headed toward his car.

"Do your back doors even open?" you teased.

"One of them does." As he reached to open the back, the handle of the door came off in his hand.

Dells looked shocked while everyone else laughed their asses off. 

"I'll take you, Murray," you offered, twirling your keys between your fingers. "I think Dells' car may explode on the way."

"That's a safe bet," Pat grinned. He couldn't help notice Vinnie giving him an unusually intense stare. "Anyone else need a ride?" Not that Pat wanted anyone else to join but he'd thought he'd ask so that Vinnie wouldn't think he wanted to be alone with you.

"Yeah, I do!" David exclaimed, joining you.

If you were disappointed by the extra person, you didn't show it. Deep down however, Pat wish you had been.

The laser tag place was practically empty, say for the lone employee sitting at the desk. He looked relieved when you all arrived, clearly bored out of his mind. After everyone paid, he escorted you to where you could suit up. 

"Teams?" Garvey asked.

 "Four and four?" Dells suggested.

"Nah, too easy," you said. "Two and two makes it way more competitive."

"Yeah, now we're talkin'," Ty said excitedly. "Garvey you're with me." 

Garvey pumped his fist in excitement. 

"What about it, sis? Malzhan team up?" Vinnie asked you.

"No fucking way! You talk too much. We'll be sitting ducks," you declared. 

"Fine, I don't need you anyway! Dells will be happy to be my partner."

 "Happy is a strong word," Dells said.

Pat was busy pulling on one of the vests to care about who he was partnered with. Suddenly, Palacco came up to him, holding his own vest. “Murray, switch with me,” he ordered in a hushed tone. 

“Why?” Pat asked. 

Palacco tapped the red light on Pat’s chest plate and nodded toward you. As Pat glanced your way, he saw your vest also was red, meaning you two would be on the same team. 

“You’d be doing me a solid,” Palacco said. 

“Fuck off, Palacco.”

“Come on, mate!”

“Oi, Murray!” you called from across the room. “Don’t let him get into your head. We’re going to wreck everyone here.”

Grinning, Pat gave Palacco a sympathetic shrug. “Sorry. Maybe next time.” He felt a strange sense of pride as he pushed past Palacco to stand next to you. 

“Stick with me,” you said. “I know all the best hiding spots.”

“I take it you come here a lot?”

“The owner of this place also owns the batting cages,” you explained. “Sometimes I cover a shift if he needs it.”

“How many jobs do you have?” 

“Too many.”

The employee started to go over the rules and Pat tried to pay attention, but he found he was actually excited. The other guys seemed to be too, except for Palacco. He was teamed up with David and kept shooting Pat and you looks. Pat ignored him. 

When they were allowed into the play area, you grabbed Pat’s arm and immediately pulled him in the opposite direction of the door. Everyone ignored the no running signs as the countdown started over the loudspeaker and they scrambled to get as far away from the others as possible. 

It took a bit for Pat’s eyes to adjust but once they did, he found you had led him into a small alcove on the upper level. The perfect vantage point. You crouched down and yanked on his arm so he copied you. “No one ever thinks to look up here,” you said to him. “We can sit and just pick them off as they run by. At least for a little while.”

The space was tight, forcing you and Pat close together. You smelt of sunblock and summer, with a hint of something citrus. Overall, Pat thought it was a very pleasant smell. Suddenly, you hit him on the arm and motioned below. Someone was walking your way.

With a grin, you motioned for Pat to take the shot. He grinned back, raised his laser gun and fired.

Direct hit.

You were unstoppable after that. Once your friends figured out your location, the two of you ran around the room, ducking and hiding whenever you saw someone. There was yelling and swearing. At one point, you even shoved him out of the way so he wouldn't get hit. You then whirled around to shoot Dells.

"You know these aren't actual bullets right?" Dells asked through his laughter.

"Says the losing team!" you declared as you shot Vinnie.

"See ya, fuckers!" Pat yelled and the two of you took off running before their guns reset. 

You and Pat destroyed the other teams and it was the most fun he had had in a long time.

After, when the game was done and you were announced the winners, you and Pat were handed a cheap blue ribbon with the number one on it. You passed it over to him.

"Here, you've earned it."

"It's the only award Pat will receive for doing something physical," Palacco teased.

Before Pat could tell him to fuck off, you said, "That's not true. What about the one your mom gave him?"

The guys lost their shit, Pat laughing louder than the rest.

Ty handed his phone to the employee. "Can you get a picture of us?"

Everyone squished together and you threw your arm around Pat as he showed off the ribbon. At the last moment, you both flipped off the camera.

Later that night, when Pat was finally home and laying in bed, he stared at the photo, zooming in until only you and he filled the screen. He thought about how much you tried to make sure he enjoyed himself and how excited you were when you won.

Maybe Maz was right. Maybe he should try to get to know you better. You seemed open to it. Pat wasn't sure if he was ready to ask you out, or if he even wanted to, but that was a thought for another day. He wouldn't let his anxiety cloud his good mood.

With a smile, he put his phone down and turned onto his side. The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was the blue ribbon sitting on his nightstand.

#undrafted #pat murray x reader #pat murray x you #joe mazzello #pat murray

[momentofmemory]

fictober - day twenty

Prompt #20: “You could talk about it, you know.”

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe - Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Netflix Marvel (Daredevil)

Warnings: Religious Imagery

Characters: Peter Parker & Matt Murdock, Quentin Beck (mentioned)

Words: 2177

Author’s Note: set immediately post the spider-man: far from home mid credits scene (so, spoilers). this is a stand alone, but assumes peter & matt have met before and so could live in the same universe as my day 16 fill.

>>Heartbeats on Pier 81

Peter’s face is broadcasted over all of New York, and losing his secret must feel a lot like dying to his mind because Peter sees his life flash before his eyes. Unlike death—and he would know—it’s not the past that he sees, but all the futures he’d hoped for disappearing.

He doesn’t remember much of what happens next. MJ tells him to run, so he does; Happy texts him that May is safe, so she is; a man throws a rotten tomato at his face, so he swings higher. He keeps swinging, as fast and as high as he can, until he leaves Queens and its familiarity behind. He doesn’t stop until he reaches the edge of Hell’s Kitchen, and only then because when he drops onto Pier 81 he runs out of buildings to leap on.

Peter walks all the way to the end, anyway, then hops over the chain rope fence that separates the walking area from the edge. With nowhere further to go, Peter slumps down and lets his legs trail over the side, greyish water snapping at his feet.

The pier’s not in the shape it once was, thanks to the Blip. The wood creaks ominously under the force of the river’s tides, chains hang limply on the deck instead of around cargo or attached to moored boats, and warehouse-sized shipping containers sit in various stages of rust and disrepair. The important feature in Peter’s mind, however, is that there’s no one around.

He hasn’t had a chance to install Karen in his new suit yet, so it’s quiet as he checks his phone and discovers seventy-three missed calls, one of which is from the New York Times, and a notification informing him that #SpideyParker is trending on Twitter.

Peter looks out over the Hudson and drops his phone into his lap without unlocking it. After a moment, he pulls his mask off and breathes in the unique smell of algae, salt, and diesel oil that only a river running through New York can create.

The tide is high, so the river is flowing out to the north. In a couple of hours the tide will lower and start flowing south, and then a few hours after that, back to the north again. The Hudson’s weird like that: consistent only in that you know it will change.

Peter’s always identified with it in that respect.

He’s not sure how long he stares at the water, thinking about everything and nothing, but it’s still not quite dusk when a lithe shadow drops down behind him. His Peter Tingle doesn’t so much as fizzle, so he doesn’t bother turning around or reaching for his mask.

Not that the last part matters anymore.

It’s probably not healthy, but after Mysterio he’s started relying on sight less and less, so he knows who his visitor is from the sound alone.

“I didn’t know it was legal for Daredevil to be out in the daytime,” he says, the crinkle of leather in Matt’s costume instantly recognizable. “There goes the internet conspiracy that you’re actually a vampire.”

Daredevil hums noncommittally, then lowers himself to the ground beside Peter.

“Spider-Man’s in Hell’s Kitchen, so it seems like a lot of theories are being broken today.” He drops one leg over the edge, bending the other in front of him and resting his elbow against it. “Thought I’d join in on the fun.”

“If you’re looking for fun, you could definitely do better.”

“True, but I’m guessing you can’t.” Matt hesitates. “If you want, I thought you could… Talk. About it.”

Peter leans his head back against a wooden post and closes his eyes. “You know?”

“I’m blind, not deaf.”

It’s stupid, because he knows the news is everywhere by now, but hearing it from another super hero makes it feel so impossibly real.

Matt shifts beside him. “Even if I were both, though, Foggy contacted me the second the broadcast went live. He’s pretty determined we’re going to be your legal team.”

Peter huffs out a laugh, running his hands through his hair. “Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”

“His best friend’s a lawyer that spends his nights bloodying his fists on criminals’ faces. I think our firm crossed that line long before you came along.” Matt tilts his head, probably listening to something seven blocks away or something, then carefully takes off his own mask. “But legally speaking, no. None of us have any reason to oppose your case. If anything, you could argue I have a vested interest.”

“Oh.” Peter bites his lip. “Even after…”

He trails off, looking at Matt’s face. He’s seen it before, of course, during the many times he dragged Ned down to the firm to get help with civics homework, but there’s something different about seeing him fully suited up without mask.

It feels honest, somehow—like all of him is on display, but in a good way.

Peter’s own exposure doesn’t feel so good.

He doesn’t know if Matt can tell he’s been staring, but the other man clears his throat. “After what, Peter?”

There are so many things Peter could say about what he means by after. The all-consuming terror he feels for the safety of his family and friends, now that his identity is exposed. How he’d thought he finally had his life back together, only for it to be ripped away so completely and utterly he no longer knows whether he can even go home anymore. The way people looked at him with naked fear or unbridled anger, and how he’s so afraid he’ll never be their Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man ever again. That he never asked for it, but he technically really does have access to a billion dollar surveillance network, and it’s probably super illegal and wildly unethical.

But it’s Daredevil he’s talking to, not May or Ned or Happy or even Tony, so he says the one thing that’s been eating away at him for days: the one thing only another vigilante could understand.

“I killed him.”

The words feel disgusting sliding out of his mouth, like his throat and lungs are coated in tar instead of air.

“I didn’t mean to,” he adds, suddenly desperate to let Matt know he didn’t, he didn’t, “but the drones were firing everywhere and I had to stop them, and I—I wasn’t paying attention to where the blasts were going as long as they weren’t hitting me.”

He chokes off, unable to continue. He’s terrified to look at Matt’s face now, afraid of the horror he’ll see.

But Matt just turns the Daredevil mask over in his hands, fingers running almost reverently across the seams. “I think it would be helpful if you started over from the beginning.”

It feels like sucking mud out of his chest at first, but slowly Peter reveals everything that had happened in Europe: Nick Fury showing up in his hotel room, the glasses and Stark’s legacy, the mind screw he’d gone through in Berlin. The train, the fight in London, the fake story Mysterio had created—the one he’d told to Peter, and then the one he’d told to Times Square. Quentin Beck’s body lying on the bridge, pupils constricted and lungs frozen and heart silent.

“…I can’t even bring myself be sad that he’s gone,” Peter finishes, staring into the lens of the mask in his hands so he doesn’t have to look at Matt. “I just feel guilty it had to be me.”

Daredevil doesn’t say anything at first, and Peter thinks he might drown in shame.

Finally, the other man clears his throat.

“As a lawyer,” Matt says, placing his mask on the pier between them, “I can say unquestionably that what you’re describing would be considered self-defense in a court of law. Any jury worth its salt would clear you of charges in under an hour.”

Peter swallows. “And as a fellow vigilante?”

Matt turns his head towards the river, tongue darting out briefly as if to taste it. “Did I ever tell you about the time I threw myself into the Hudson?”

Peter blinks at the apparent non sequitur. “You went in there willingly?”

Matt snorts. “Not exactly. It was early in my career, before I even had a suit. It was the first time I took on Fisk.”

Peter stills—Matt didn’t usually like talking about anything to do with the ex-mob boss.

“I was… angry. Stupid,” Matt says. “Fisk killed someone I cared about, but I wasn’t really interested in justice. I just wanted something to punch. So I tore through a bunch of his men until I found one that knew something; got directions to a pier where he might be at. Pier 81.”

Peter starts in surprise, and suddenly the abandoned shipping containers he’d passed seemed to have a lot more weight to them.

“It was a trap, of course.” Matt’s fingers ghost across his lower abdomen, so lightly Peter thinks he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

“And that’s when you jumped in the river?”

“No.” A sigh, and Matt’s hand drifts back down to the wooden slats. “No, that’s when I killed Nobu.”

Peter—Peter doesn’t understand.

Everyone in the New York super hero circle knows that Daredevil doesn’t kill, and Spider-Man more than most. It’s the one thing Matt’s warned him about constantly; always telling him to be wary of his strength and his temper, of the immense importance of giving someone a second chance, and that no matter how evil a person may seem, there’s still a spark of hope in there that he has no right to stamp out.

It’s one of the reasons Peter looks up to Matt so much, despite his brutality, because it’s a mindset none of the other vigilantes or even Avengers share.

“No—no who?” he says, voice strangled.

“Nobu. Nobu Yoshioka.” Matt ran his teeth over his lower lip. “He was a member of Murakami’s faction of the Hand. He also had a kyoketsu-shoge that he was very good at using. …I should probably be dead because of it.”

Peter pales, thinking of all the scars he’d seen on Matt’s torso in the past. He doesn’t like where this is going. “…Why aren’t you?”

“It was a lot like what happened with you and Mysterio, actually.” Peter flinches and looks down at his hands, red in the light of the sunset. “We were fighting; well, at that point I was mostly just trying to survive. I deflected one of his blades without paying attention to where it would ricochet, and it shattered a lamp above him. The sparks caught his robes on fire.”

A shudder runs through Peter, equal parts sympathy and horror. “You couldn’t have known.”

“No, I couldn’t have,” Matt agrees. “I also found out later that he came back to life, making it a moot point.”

Peter’s stomach attempts to turn itself inside out at the thought of having to face Mysterio again, but Matt seems to notice his discomfort.

“Don’t worry. My priest says I can’t recommend that method as a standard way of finding absolution.”

Peter offers him a shaky laugh, and Matt continues.

“I didn’t murder Nobu by any legal definition that night,” he says, “but I went into the situation with a lot of hate, and with the intention of killing someone else. I think that made me more of a murderer than any physical action I could’ve taken.”

He turns towards Peter, his eyes staring vacantly just over Peter’s shoulder. “I don’t think that’s a sin you’re carrying.”

Peter bites his lip, wanting to believe him but unsure how. “But I didn’t try to save him.”

“Clinton Church has confession hours right about now if you’re seeking penance.” There’s a smirk in Matt’s voice, and Peter can’t help but roll his eyes at the man’s persistence. “But if not…”

Peter looks up expectantly.

“If not, then I would ask you this: why don’t you want to kill?”

“Because that’s not my call.” Peter doesn’t have to think about it. “And because I think there’s always the possibility of redemption, for anyone.”

“Anyone, huh?” Matt tilts his head, then smiles. “Your heartbeat is steady.”

Peter frowns, then his mouth widens into an oh.

Anyone means him, too.

Peter pulls his legs up and rests his head on his knees. “Is using your human lie detector skills to make a point really all that ethical?”

“Foggy’s not here to stop me, so yes.” Matt picks his mask up. “But I don’t need it to prove your heart’s in the right place.”

Peter stares at him, expression suddenly so fishlike he’d blend right in with the Hudson.

Then he rapidly yanks his own mask over his face to hide the blush creeping up his neck. He coughs and blinks as the eye lenses readjust to the fading light. “Is that uh, is that your advice as a lawyer or as a vigilante?”

Matt laughs and shakes his head, sliding his mask into place. He stands and offers Peter his hand.

“It’s as a friend.”

#fictober19 #peter parker fic #daredevil fic #mcu fanfic #ffh spoilers #peter parker #matt murdock #tw: religious themes #both matt and peter have really specific opinions on killing #so this was fun to explore #memsfic

[littlemisskookie]

Four Letters: Ch 7

Four Letters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Ship: FWB!Jungkook | IceQueen!Reader | Yoongi Description: College!AU. Enemies to Lovers. Your icy exterior makes it seem as though you dislike everyone- which is partially true. But the one person you truly dislike is the cocky frat boy Jeon Jungkook. Warnings: Lots of Angst, Lots of Vomit, Intercourse, Blowjob, Deepthroating, Breathplay, Dirty Talk, Choking, D/S Themes, Degrading Names, Praise Kink, Light Hitting? Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Fingering, Cum Play, Cumeating Word Count: 10,760

"Wait- you're what?" Xiyeon question, her eyes wide as she blinked up at you.

You gnaw on your lower hip, taking in a deep breath, avoiding Lisa's accusing stare. "I'm... hooking up with Jeon."

"As in... Jeon? Jeon Jungkook?" Xiyeon asked, dumbfounded.

"What other Jeon?" Lisa questioned, scoffing. She had been acting snippy to Xiyeon all day today, despite the fact the focus was supposed to be you confessing the dreaded secret to them. You didn't know what her damage was today- but you didn't exactly feel like getting into it.

"Yeah. That Jeon," you affirm, ignoring the tension. "We've... been hooking up for a few months now."

"When did this begin?" Xiyeon questions.

"You know that concert I went to? For that cover band I liked? Well, he was there as well, and he and I sort of hooked up. After that it became a lot more consistent," you explained.

Lisa put her hands on her hips, cocking her weight to one side. "I want to know why you didn't tell me- us, this before."

You let out a sigh, giving her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. I guess it was fun keeping it a secret- it's what we both agreed on. I guess it was also kind of embarrassing considering the fact that I hated him for so long."

"That's understandable," Xiyeon nodded along, looking to Lisa nervously. "I thought I sensed something different between you two."

Lisa's face softened as she looked at you. "Are you guys friends with benefits now?"

"What? I mean, I guess. Not like, exclusively or anything. But I guess so," you murmur.

"Why're you telling us this now, anyway?" Xiyeon asked.

Your mind flashed back to what happened the night prior.

-

"What?" you question, raising yourself from his chest slowly to look at him properly. "What brings this up?"

Jungkook gives you a nervous glance, obviously anticipating your shock from his question- and perhaps even worse. "It doesn't have to be now, or anything, just... maybe in the future."

Your brows furrow. "What's this about?"

"Nothing. I guess... I dunno. It's hard keeping you a secret. I don't want to keep you a secret. It's tiring having to sneak around and such and gets in the way a lot," Jungkook admitted. His eyes changed from the sheepish expression to one of lust. "I don't want to keep it a secret that I want you just because there are friends around."

You purse your lips, wary. "So this would just be to help us hook up more often?"

"Yes! Exactly. It's difficult having to make sure no one else is in the house or around or yada yada," Jungkook rambled.

"Makes sense... So this is so that it's all more convenient, right?" you say softly.

Jungkook's mouth goes small. "You don't have to decide now. It doesn't have to be immediate. I was just... wondering. No pressure."

You couldn't help but think about what your friends would think. They'd be shocked, and Lisa would be furious that you didn't tell her earlier. And Yoongi?

Would he stop liking you if he found out?

"I should tell you something, actually," you say quietly. "Um... Jimin already knows."

Jungkook's eyes are wide. "Wait- what?"

"Um, remember when you and I hooked up? And you walked out of the room and talked a bit to Jimin?" you question, bashful.

Jungkook's jaw clenches. "I remember."

"Well, basically I walked out of the room after you, and Jimin was there and put two and two together. He was planning to hold it over me, sort of as a joke, but it went too far. When he asked if anyone hooked up with a friend in the friend group, the question was targetted to us, to tease us. He figured we would lie, but Xiyeon ended up blowing it anyway. After that, he's been trying to get on my good side, especially with how guilty he feels," you explain.

Jungkook sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. "Why didn't you tell me this before? I didn't even know he knew."

"I'm sorry. I guess... I dunno, I didn't know how you'd react," you admit. You didn't know what you were trying to say truthfully. Were you afraid everything would stop suddenly?

"It's ok. I know now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that alone," Jungkook said truthfully.

You bit your lip, making up your mind. "Alright. We can go public."

Jungkook's eyes widened. "What? You're serious?"

You nodded in affirmation. "Yeah. I'll tell the girls, and I guess you can tell the guys. We won't have to sneak around anymore."

"Is this what you want, too, though? I don't want to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Jungkook asked nervously. You could tell just how genuine he was from the tone of his voice. It was touching, really.

You nod again, pressing a small kiss to his lips, not trusting yourself to look him in the eyes. "If it's what you want, I want it too."

Jungkook only smiled and wrapped his arms around you, kissing you back.

-

Xiyeon studied your expression as you told a bit of the story- though leaving out as many details as you could. Lisa only gave you a hardened expression, arms crossed as she pursed her lips. She was pissed to learn you were keeping secrets from her.

"Y/N... Do you like Jungkook?" Xiyeon questioned.

You gave her a confused expression. "What? No! I don't do relationships and neither does Jeon- that'd be ridiculous."

"Sorry, just from how you spoke of him I just-" Xiyeon shook her head as if catching herself. "Sorry, I'm not in the right mindset. Forget it."

Lisa's expression softened as she looked at you. "Y/N- you can't get feelings for Jungkook, alright? He's such a fuckboy- everyone knows it. And trust me when I say that catching feelings for someone who will never feel the same... Let's just say it's the worst thing you could do. I should know better than anyone."

"But you can't control how you feel," Xiyeon pointed out.

You pursed your lips at that, shaking your head. "That's bullshit- of course, you can. Your emotions are yours to control- no one can do it for you."

"I think you're thinking of reactions," Xiyeon explained. "You're going to feel a certain way about something no matter how you try to convince yourself otherwise- but you're allowed to control how you react and what you do. If people could control how they feel... life would be a lot easier, wouldn't it?"

"What would you know about control?" Lisa snapped. "You didn't exactly control your reaction when you slept with Hoseok, did you?"

Both you and Xiyeon turned to look at Lisa, your expressions shocked at what she said. You could see the regret in Lisa's eyes the moment she blurted out, but it was almost as though she were too prideful to admit her wrongdoing. Instead, she stood her ground, looking uneasy as she stared Xiyeon in the eye.

"Lisa, what the fuck?" you whispered, eyes narrowed. "What is up with you today?"

"I should go," Xiyeon says hastily, getting up. "I... probably overstayed my welcome."

You gave Xiyeon a sympathetic look. "Xiyeon, no-"

"It's ok. Lisa has a point... I don't know what I'm talking about. I have the least amount of experience in basically anything out of anyone in our group. I... shouldn't even be here," Xiyeon says softly. You can see her eyes welling up with tears, and deep down you suspect this is something she had been thinking about internally for a while. Possibly for as long as you had known her.

Lisa's face softened at that, and she reached out for Xiyeon. "Wait, I'm s-"

"I should go. I've got an essay to do," Xiyeon says quickly, exiting the room as fast as she could. You heard the echo of the door slamming behind her before you turned to Lisa, crossing your arms with a cold expression. Lisa had never been on this end of your facade, but it wasn't going to go well, that was for sure.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" you questioned slowly, voice low. The fact it was barely even above a whisper made you even more intimidating. Lisa would've expected screaming or yelling, a red face and veins popping out from the temples- that's what she'd expect from anyone angry. But not you. At your scariest you were low and quiet, calculating, like the small ticking of a bomb in the corner of a room. Screaming and shouting at the top of your lungs indicated the person wasn't in control of the situation and had to attempt to overpower the other person with their voice- and control was your specialty when it came to your reputation. The only difference at the moment was who was at the receiving end.

"You've been acting nothing but cold and distant to Xiyeon- which isn't you. Not only that, but you've been exceptionally rude to her when she's done nothing wrong. I understand you might still be perturbed by what happened between her and Hoseok- but for God's sake, instead of acting like a petty teenager, you can act like a civilized adult and talk it out. Instead, you went out of your way to drive her away from the uncomfortable situation and glare at her the entire day. You told me before that you were completely over what had happened- or at the very least you didn't blame Xiyeon for the happenings of that drunken night. I'm very disappointed to find out that you lied."

Lisa's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and she felt as though she were being scolded by a parent. You tapped your fingers against your arm, leaning back as you stared at her expectantly, wanting an explaination.

"I'm waiting," you said, cocking your head to the side. Both of you knew that she'd have to crack soon.

Lisa's head hung low as she stared at her feet. "I guess... I got jealous."

"We're all jealous. She's a genius- that's no reason to be an ass, however," you said.

"No, not of that," Lisa said, a lump forming in her throat. "I'm afraid she's gonna replace me."

You quirked a brow at the girl. "I don't follow."

Lisa let out a sigh, rubbing her hands over her tired face. "First with Hoseok- God, you have on clue how many times I thought to myself that he would've preferred her over me. She'd end up being his new friends with benefits, or worse, his girlfriend. And not only that, you two have been getting closer. You're... She... I don't know. I feel left out, and I know you've spent some time together. Hell, didn't you shop for a dress with her or something when you were preparing to meet Jungkook's parents? I guess I feel like she's replacing me in the group. She's gonna be Hoseok's new hook up and your new best friend. I feel unstable enough as it is."

Your expression softened as you saw how she sniffled, tears hitting her cheeks now that she let it out. You rubbed her arm, stepping forward as you comforted her. "No one's gonna replace you, Lisa. Xiyeon isn't the new Lisa. Xiyeon is Xiyeon. You are you. We aren't carbon copies of each other for a reason. Even identical twins have their own identities. I didn't know you were feeling so insecure about your footing here but... We don't plan on letting you go unless you want to be let go. That's how it is for anyone. No one in our group is evil, despite how many mistakes we make. We're all just trying and failing in our own way to live life- we're winging it just like you. We won't push you out."

"I know, I just-" Lisa sniffled again, wiping away tears. "God, I feel so awful for snapping at Xiyeon like that."

"You were sort of a bitch," you weakly offered, showing a small smile simply to humor her. Lisa didn't mimic your false smile, and you let it fall hopelessly. "Well- you can explain. Xiyeon feels insecure about her own place in the group as well, apparently. She'll understand."

"I don't think a simple text will get things through," Lisa sighed. "I doubt she'll want to meet up."

"I'll convince her to come to the next party at the guys' frat. You guys can talk there," you shrug.

Lisa looks at you fondly before throwing her arms around you, giving you a tight squeeze. You feel your lungs try to collect as much breath as possible under Lisa's crushing grip. You pat her back with singular pats, still not exactly the best at the whole comforting thing. Or affection, more accurately.

"I wish we were more like you," Lisa said quietly.

"No, you don't," you manage to grumble with what little breath you have.

"I do," Lisa reaffirmed. "You don't care what people think. You don't care if you're in the group or not, you'd be happy even as a lone wolf, I'm sure. The rest of us are so busy scrambling for available places and you feel secure and are in without even trying..."

"I'm not that secure, Lisa. I'm still uneasy about a lot of things. I doubt myself," you tell her truthfully.

Lisa let you go, though still holds onto your forearms as she looks at you. She's still got tears running down her cheeks. "Well, none of us doubt you. Jungkook especially."

You think back to how you disappointed him with his parents. He should've doubted you then. "I suppose," you weakly offer.

"No, I'm serious. He's... He's admired you for a long time, y'know. Before you changed. Before he changed, for that matter," Lisa says wistfully. "I know I told you not to fall for him. It wouldn't be wise, or logical- and you're both of those things. But Xiyeon was right, as much as I hate to admit. You can't control how you feel. And if you really do feel for him... Well, I'll be nothing but supportive. Do whatever makes you happy. You should choose what's best for you and what you feel like you want. Even if it's Jeon Jungkook."

"I'm not going to catch feelings for him, Lisa," you assure her.

She gave you a weak smile, wiping away at her tears with her sleeve one last time. "I think this is the first time I've seen you in such a naive light."

You furrow your brows. "What do you mean?"

Lisa giggled at that as she cooed, brushing your hair as she looked at you sympathetically, almost as though she were looking at a child who didn't know any better. It reminded you of the look you gave her at times.

"Because that's the same thing I'd say about Hobi."

-

Jungkook's nose nuzzles against the side of your neck, running over the expanse of your skin, his hands massaging at your breasts, having your shirt ride up your chest and bunch over his wrists. It still felt weird, simply marching into his frat house as they prepared for the upcoming party, supplying themselves with so much beer that by the end of the night even the air would make someone intoxicated, to hook up with Jeon in the middle of the night. Where you could very publicly drag him away (albeit Yoongi was out of sight) and take him to his bedroom. You were currently straddling his hips, lips pressed against his as he fondled your chest.

Jungkook looked up at you, breathless as he gasped for breath. "God, I want you," Jungkook admitted, licking his lips as his hands slid down from your breasts to your hips, holding onto you firmly.

You grinned at that, loving the feeling of being desired by his lustful gaze. You slid your hand down his broad chest, slipping your fingers down into the waistband of his sweats, palming at his erection before sliding further south to squeeze his balls. "You're about to get me," you tell him, giving him a firm squeeze as you fondled his balls, rolling them in your palm. "All of me."

"Shit," he cursed, tongue diving past your lips to lick at your mouth again, suppressing a grunt. He bucked his hips into your hand as he groaned, cradling your face as he kept you close to him, breathing in the scent and keeping you pressed against him. "Can't wait to fuck you. To feel you," he said as you began descending down his body. He lifted his hips for you to strip away his boxers and sweatpants, hooking them around his knees. "Can't wait to have you crying from cumming so hard on my cock."

You felt arousal flood between your legs at his words, and you pump his erection slowly, licking your lips at the sight. It had been a while since you blew him, admittedly. You loved the small moments when you'd have him squirm beneath you. One of the few moments you truly felt as though you had the power in the situation, and though you loved relinquishing all control to the man, it was funny seeing him so powerless on occasion. "How do you want me, baby?"

"I want your hot mouth all over my cock, babygirl. I know you're hungry for it- so get me ready to fuck you," Jungkook said, hand coming to your head to press it lower, your mouth diving to his balls. You sucked at them, licking against them as you saw his eyes roll into the back of his head. You maintained eye contact with him as your tongue slowly traveled up his erection, from the curve between his balls to slide all the way up his shaft, to finally wrapping your tongue around the pretty pink head, sweeping the wet muscle over the sensitive head.

You grin deviously as you feel his thigh muscles tense under your touch once your mouth leaves his cock. "Gladly," you tell him, descending upon him once more to bury your nose into his pubic hair,  sinking to the base as best as you could, doing your best not to gag as the head of his cock reached the back of your throat. You deep throated him as best as you could as he cursed, bucking his hips into your hot mouth instinctively and grabbing onto your hair to sink you down as far as he could.

"Fuck, you fucking minx," Jungkook hissed, slapping down at the back of your head to sink you further, making you squeeze your eyes shut as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. You stayed down there for a few more seconds before you finally popped off of him, taking deep breaths as your chest heaved up and down, his cock shiny with spit and slobber from your mouth. Once you collected yourself you went down on him again, slightly more prepared, though the walls of your throat still contracted and squeezed around his cock, making the man groan. You could feel his cock twitch inside your mouth as you slowly inched higher and off of him, making sure to let your tongue sweep along the underside of his shaft and cock as you made your way up for air.

Jungkook's cock was an angry shade of red, now, the veins popping out as he tried to control himself. Beads of precum were at the tip from your menstruations, and you were sure if you continued a few minutes more, you'd have his hot and sticky load sliding down your throat. Jungkook grabbed at your face, hands pressed against the sides of your head as he leaned in, pressing your lips sloppily against his own as you still struggled to regain your breath.

"God, you're fucking perfect," Jungkook groaned, making his way down your neck, his tongue tasting the salt of your sweat as he traveled down the glistening skin.

You arched your neck, showing more exposed skin for him to bruise and mark as his own, though your thoughts still lingered on his words. You were far from perfect. You never thought you were good enough ever since what happened.

You pushed away the thoughts, however, the minute Jungkook flipped you over, taking off your pants and underwear before spreading your legs so that they laid flat on the bed. He aligned his head to your entrance, slowly pushing himself in, the familiar squeeze of your slick walls contracting around him making him grunt above you. He began his pace, angling himself at your sweet spot.

"Such a good cockslut. Fuck, you take my dick like such a good girl, don't you?" he grunted, hands so tight on your thighs you were sure it'd bruise. You nodded breathlessly, eyes pleading each time he called you a slut. Jungkook's cock twitched inside of you when he saw you arch beneath him, shuddering as you closed your eyes and let out a drawled out moan. "Fuck, you look so good wrecked beneath me. I could fuck your tight cunt all day, baby."

You grabbed onto his hand at those words, prying it from its grip on your thigh to reach towards your throat. You had been choked before, sure. One or two one night stands had begged to do it, and you didn't hate it.

You wanted his fingers to be clasped around your pretty little throat now.

Jungkook looked to you skeptically, slowing down his brutal pace inside of you. "You sure?"

"Dear God, Jungkook, if you don't choke me now I think I'm gonna choke myself," you say, rolling your eyes. You knew he at least had experience with it. Some of his previous hookups would gossip on what they begged him to do.

Jungkook pressed his forefinger and thumb against the pressure points, constricting your breath immediately as it hitched. You felt his cock twitch inside you at the sight, and he instinctively thrust inside you again, making both of you groan.

Jungkook began plunging himself back into you again. "Tell me if it's too much, ok?" he said, keeping his grip around your neck tight. You trusted him enough to know that he wouldn't hurt you. That would always be the furthest thing from Jungkook's mind.

At least you hoped.

"Fuck, fuck," you managed to gasp out, your face growing hot and red as you felt your orgasm approach. Jungkook's hips slapped so hard against your pelvis you knew it'd bruise by tomorrow, but you didn't care. The way his cock would angle towards your g-spot had you spasming around him, and soon enough you were arching your back and moaning once his hand joined the process, rubbing quickly at your clit. The now familiar wave washed over you as your juices spilled all over him, drenching his sheets and clothes, though he didn't stop until he spilled inside of you, and you were crying from the pain of the overstimulation.

Both of you were breathless once he finally let go, and you were limp beneath him. He panted, leaning over you, caging you in.

"You made such a mess," Jungkook noted, a smile in his voice as he saw some of the droplets that had splattered on you as well. "I'm gonna make you clean that up, babygirl. You made such a mess on my bed."

Your cheeks flared even more out of embarrassment. "I'm sorry," you told him, sheepish.

He dipped his thumb into your hot cavern, pressing your tongue flat against the bottom of your mouth. "You're gonna suck your cum out of my sheets, babygirl. And I'm gonna fuck you from behind Knowing how hot it'll be, I'll be hard enough in no time. Now that I can fuck you whenever I want, you won't be leaving this bed for a long time."

You gulped at that, seeing the mischevious glint in his eyes and knowing he was dead serious.

He licked his lips, hand diving back between your glistening folds to insert two fingers. "But first..." he trailed off, crooking the two fingers into your g-spot with a loud squelch, the cum coated digits having lewd sounds fill the room along with the stench of sex. You gasped out, arching your back at the feeling, his thumb soon colliding with your clit, still overly sensitive from your previous orgasm. "Hear that babygirl? I filled you up so good, didn't I?"

You could hear the fingers moving inside of you, the cum acting as a lubricant as he continued to tap against your g-spot. You cringed at the overstimulation, biting your lip. "F-Fuck."

"You're so wet still, babygirl. Your juices are sliding between your cheeks to make my bed even messier," Jungkook cooed, speeding up the pace of his thrusts to make more of it leal out of you, your arousal mixed with his seed. "All the more for you to eat."

You felt bliss overtake you through the pain, and you stopped attempting to push Jungkook's hands away as your orgasm approached closer.

"Awe, is my baby gonna cum so soon?" Jungkook teaser deviously, entering a third finger to make you go wild. "You like having my cum fucked into you, don't you?"

"Yes," you gasped out. "So much- fuck, Jungkook, I'm close."

"I know, babygirl, I know. You're gonna make a big mess for me, alright? Cum all over my dirty fingers already."

You felt yourself lose it, orgasm washing over you as you buckled into Jungkook's hands, feeling it overtake you as you came for the second time. Jungkook continued to milk you for all you were worth, the sloppy sounds filling the room as you continued to drip onto his hands and the sheets.

Jungkook slipped his hand out, the three digits glistening with a mixture of your own cum and his. He had a devious glint in his eyes as he raised his fingers to you, and you obediently opened your mouth, sucking on the juices until they were clean.

Jungkook slipped his hand out with a wet pop, slapping the side of your face fondly with his sticky fingers. "Such a good slut," he cooed.

-

You shuffled through the contents of the refrigerator. Damn these parties. Damn your friends for constantly forcing you to come to these. At this point even if you stopped hanging out with them you'd attend these ridiculous events out of sheer habit. Four cups of beer weren't going to cut it for you tonight, frankly. You couldn't feel it in your system yet, and you needed to be hit, hard.

You pulled out a bottle of vodka- half empty. You supposed it'd be enough, popping off the cap and pressing the bottle to your lips, taking a swig. You close the refrigerator door shut, only to be shocked by the magenta-haired man that appeared. You jumped in mid-air, heart pounding as you stared at him.

"Jesus fucking Christ! What's your problem, buddy?" you question, hissing out the words, your hand clenched over your racing heart.

Jungkook laughed at that. "Sorry- didn't mean to startle you. I didn't even know you were coming to this party."

"Uh, yeah, I am. You guys drag me along anyway, so why not skip all of the trouble and get to the inevitable," you say, shrugging as you took another swig of the vodka.

Jungkook grinned smugly as he took it from your clutch, taking a sip himself, wiggling his brows in response to your glare. "By the way, I told the guys. Jimin knew- Hoseok was surprised though. Told me to be careful in case you suddenly got feelings, but we both know you're not like that."

You chuckled uneasily. "Yeah. Right," you say, doing your best to not let any of the usual sarcasm seep into your words. You grabbed the drink from Jungkook again, this time holding it close to your chest.

"How'd the gals take it?" Jungkook questioned.

You scoffed. "Oh my God, please never say 'gals' ever again. It's cringy."

He flipped the snapback from off your head, letting it tumble to the floor. He ruffled your hair, palm grinding into the top of your head as he messed it up. You glared at him, swiping the hat up from the floor to hit him with it. "They took it fine!" you huffed. "Well, not really. But I told them, don't worry. Happy?"

"Mm, very," Jungkook murmured, caging you against the refrigerator, body pressing against yours. You couldn't press your hands against him or hold onto him for support as you slipped down slightly, the bottle in one hand and hat in the other. Jungkook's nose nuzzled into the side of your face, lowering down your neck as it cascaded and grazed down the slope of the curve. "Now I can have you whenever I want."

"Not right now, Jungkook. I've... I've got to get piss drunk first, anyway," you excuse despite the arousal pooling between your legs. Truth be told, you still needed to get Xiyeon since you convinced her to come tonight, unknowingly however so that she could talk to Lisa.

Jungkook immediately backed away, shrugging nonchalantly. "Sure. Later then?"

"Er- yeah," you say, quickly putting the hat back on your head as you excused yourself from the kitchen. You tried to find your way over to the living room, wondering if Xiyeon had even arrived yet.

You were surprised to see Yoongi and Jimin chatting with one another, beer in hand. You talk a long gulp before forcing yourself to march over. The two boys spotted you, both of their eyes lighting up with that familiar glow. Yoongi hooked his arm over your shoulder, holding you close, and you wrapped your arm around his waist in response, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. You quickly glanced around however for Jungkook, uneasy for what his reaction would be. Even Jimin was giving you a weird look- but he wasn't going to criticize you for that. He was still in your debt, and you weren't planning on letting him forget just yet. You made sure to give him that knowing stare as you chugged down the rest of the drink until the bottle was empty, not a drop to spare.

"I thought you didn't go to parties," you say, quirking a brow to Yoongi. "Don't tell me you're here to see me, now."

"Partly," Yoongi laughed. "But a friend of mine is in town, and I wanted to see him here before he leaves town. I don't know when he'll leave, but seeing as he barely ever comes, I can't take chances."

"Is it another rapper?" you questioned.

Yoongi shook his head. "No. He's just a regular guy. Met him about a year ago, and we've been talking ever since on the phone. More of an internet friend than anything. Believe it or not, he's the one who gave me the courage to even make the first move... Or should I say moves?"

Jimin furrowed his brow. "Wait, you two are going out?"

Yoongi shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, as though embarrassed. "Uh, I mean... We went on one date. We didn't talk about it much."

You turned to Jimin, quick to change the topic. "Where's Hoseok and Lisa?" You still needed to get Lisa to talk to Xiyeon, but the girl was nowhere in sight. Where was she?

Jimin pointed towards the ceiling. "They went upstairs. I trust you to put two and two together."

You frowned at that but gave an understanding nod. You sighed to yourself, wondering if Lisa would ever blatantly tell Hoseok her feelings and work things out. Before you could pry yourself from Yoongi's comforting hold, however, Yoongi lets out a sudden outburst.

"There he is! Hey, Tae, over here!" Yoongi waves over.

Your blood runs cold as you see Taehyung and none other than his wife saunter over. He looks pleasantly surprised to see you here as well, a grin on his face, his hand clasped around his wife's. "Y/N, I didn't know you'd be here! You know Yoongi?" he questioned, looking over at the man.

"Uh, yeah, I do," you say, coughing nervously.

Taehyung's wife, who you hadn't seen since the two of you could still be considered teenagers, looked over at the two of you. God, you hadn't seen Yuha in forever. She looked a lot more mature now. A lot more... Motherly, in a sense. Maybe it was the bob that did it. Either way, your stomach churned as you tried to suppress any urge to run, as well as the many memories that bubbled to the surface.

"You two make a cute couple!" Yuha beams.

Taehyung gave you a surprised look. "Wait, what? I thought you were with that Jungkook guy?"

Jimin looked at you, alarmed. "I thought you two were just hooking up?"

All eyes are on you, and you feel your face flush. You send a warning glare to Jimin, who lets out an apologetic expression, immediately regretting his sudden outburst. It was too late, however, as Yoongi looked down at you, his expression puzzled. "You're hooking up with Jungkook?"

You felt your insides bubble, and you quickly shoved the empty bottle into his hand, shoving his arm off of your shoulders. "I've gotta go," you hastily say, feeling the bile rising up within you. You shuffle out as quickly as you could, looking frantically around the house for a nearby bathroom. Otherwise, someone would have to clean up the present you had left for them on the carpet.

You quickly escaped to the bathroom, not bothering to even head to the toilet as you hurled in the sink. You watched it splatter against the bowl of it, and you're surprised that your dinner could even come out in that color. The vodka didn't even have time to settle into your system yet, and here you were puking as though it were already the end of the night. The beer had settled in your system, so you were the slightest bit out of it and woozy, but not nearly piss drunk enough to be vomiting already. You supposed this is how Xiyeon felt when the stress got to her.

The door opened, and Yuha have you a concerned look, letting out a shocked yelp as she quickly took your hat off of your head, as it was tipping over precariously, threatening to spill into your collection of bile. She put it on the counter as she held your hair behind your face, making sure it was gathered into a ponytail as you horked up what appeared to be lunch as well.

You heaved, letting out dry gags as more of it piled up into the back of your throat, just waiting to spill out of your open cavern, the acidic taste sliding down your tongue. Both you and Yuha grimaced when some of it slid down in a slimy trail into the bowl, and you felt the tears make your mascara streak down your cheeks from the force of the vomiting.

You looked up at Yuha, and because of how weak you felt yourself suddenly get, you couldn't help but feel yourself be sent down the whirlwind of that night.

-

It was your 18th birthday.

Or was it your 19th? The details didn't matter.

You were celebrating your birthday. Lisa was already sauntering off somewhere else, and you were looking for your boyfriend. Well, sort of boyfriend. He seemed off at the moment.

Really off.

You couldn't even make sense of what he had been saying the night before. It wasn't like you were dense. It was just the fact that he was rambling on about nothing. You admittedly weren't really invested in what he was trying to say, finding yourself too hyped for the birthday party that Lisa had planned for you.

His friend Yuha had stomped towards you.

Yuha never liked you, admittedly. She was Taehyung's best friend and the near opposite of you. She was far more chic than you, in her opinion. Still, she was cold and distant to you in particular, though she was never quite snippy. Still, you always sensed a bit of hatred from her end, and you decided to avoid her. Deep down you expected that she was in love with Taehyung, and though you confronted the boy on it, he insisted that you were being ridiculous. Yuha was just a friend, and that's all she'd ever be.

You remembered how that day you walked in on her crying in the bathroom.

You were surprised she was here anyway. There weren't many people here- just a few. Closer friends of Lisa's, in all honesty. Which was fine, since you were mainly planning on spending it with one person in particular.

"Yuha-"

"You can't fucking listen, can you?" Yuha questioned, eyes narrowed. "He even tried to break up with you last night, and you couldn't even listen to a goddamn word he was saying that time either, could you?"

Your eyes glazed over, stunned, and you were unable to comprehend what she was saying. "What?" you said, unsure what she was talking about.

Yuha rolled her eyes and huffed, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of your own party and into the hallway. She slammed the door shut, cornering you. Her eyes were like liquid fire, and you felt small under her piercing gaze.

"Taehyung's breaking up with you," she said simply.

"What? Why? Why isn't he telling me this himself? I don't believe you," you quickly stammered out, blinking rapidly at her words.

Yuha groaned. "That's what he was trying to say last night- but you couldn't even listen to that, could you? And now I have to get it through that thick skull of yours, don't I? Because you don't even listen to your own boyfriend."

You could only blankly stare at her, paralyzed. "Why's he breaking up with me?" you asked softly, voice meek.

Yuha only seemed to become more ignited by that. "Why?!" she roared. "I'll tell you why. Because you're an immature, childish, kid who has unrealistic standards and is living in a fairytale. You think that your first love is the one you'll grow old with, who you'll marry and lose your virginity to, and all will be happy and well. You think the world's full of sunshine and fucking rainbows- dear God, you're like a toddler in an adult's body, for crying out loud! You're so naive and innocent and you can't act your own age, and Taehyung can't spend his whole life babysitting you."

Your lower lip trembled at that as you stared at her. You let out a squeak, attempting to say something, but nothing would come out.

"You can't even deny it, can you?" Yuha said quietly. "Even you knew you were holding him back. Y'know, the only reason he's here is because of you. And he hates it here. He hates every minute here- it's like torture. It's killing him on the inside- but of course, you don't notice that. You don't notice him the way I do. How he's putting his own happiness aside for yours, as always. How he's so afraid to leave because he doesn't think you'll so much as be able to survive on your own. Because he's been holding your hand for every step of the way."

"Why're you attacking me like this?" you asked, eyes welling up with tears as you looked at her.

Yuha's expression softened, and she stepped back, as though finally putting distance between the two of you. She gave you a sympathetic look, her own eyes shiny with tears. While yours spilled down your cheeks, she refused to let them fall. "Because I can't watch Taehyung waste his life away for a girl who can't even live her own," she said.

Tension hung between the two of you as you stared at each other, a lump in both of your throats as you struggled to speak. Yuha nodded, making her point clear as she stepped away, turning around to walk down the hall.

"Enjoy your party," she grumbled.

-

"Get the fuck off of me!" you snapped, shoving her away as you wiped away the spit on your chin. She staggered back, looking at your form with concern instead of the malice of her younger self. "I don't need your he-" You were interrupted, and soon you were doubling over again, gripping the edges of the sink as you felt more of your insides turn inside out to force the fluids out where they came in.

Yuha quickly pulled your hair up again rubbing your back soothingly. "I know, I know, let it out," she cooed. "You can yell and curse at me once you feel better."

You didn't protest, too busy hurling your guts, repeatedly dry heaving and coughing between the sputtering. When you felt your stomach calm for a bit, you looked to her in the mirror, her eyes trained on yours.

"Why're you being nice to me?" you asked quietly.

Yuha pursed her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. "Because I should've been nice to you all along."

"Too late for that," you grumble, reaching for a towel or something in the drawers to wipe your mouth.

Yuha looks through the cabinets, getting a rag. "Here, this should work," she offers, holding it out to you.

You look at it skeptically, as though she were the evil queen offering you a poisoned apple. You hesitantly took it to wipe against your face, deciding you didn't like the rancid liquid on your chin. You frown, turning on the faucet to wash away the copious amount of vomit in the sink.

"I'm sorry about all those years ago... and before that," Yuha said quietly. "I know it doesn't mean much. I know it's too late now. I know I was a horrible person. But I truly felt guilty about everything, and I've matured a lot now. Everything I said about you was wrong, but I was so focused on my jealousy and hatred and love for Taehyung- I didn't think. I made it out that you were the bad guy, despite the fact you weren't. I was. I know that now, and it's been eating me up inside and out."

"Thanks. Leave now," you grumble, staring down at the sink, unable to look her in the eye.

She gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm really sorry. Truly. If I could rewind time I would. Teenage me was an idiot."

"Well so was I, apparently," you say, tossing the rag down to the countertop. "You've done enough- you can tell Taehyung."

Yuha looked at you with as much emotion as she could muster. "You weren't. You weren't naive or immature or childish- I was. I was wrong, Y/N. So very, very wrong. I shouldn't have attacked you in that way. In truth, I wished I was like that because I was the opposite of that and... I just wanted him to love me as much as he loved you."

"Clearly he does. He married you," you say, looking over to her ring, glittering in the bathroom's dim lighting. "More than he ever loved me."

"He loved you so much," she said softly. "He really did."

"He still left me for you," you remind her, your tone clipped and bitter.

-

You sat across from Taehyung. A cafe. You loved cafes. They reminded you of romantic comedies. You loved this cafe in particular. They served your favorite- peppermint mocha.

You weren't in the mood for something so sweet this time, though.

You stared at Taehyung, his eyes trained on the table. You made a point to dress more maturely this time. Long sleeved black tee and jeans with boots. It wasn't frilly, it wasn't pink- it was adult and mature. That's what he wanted, right?

"So, you're really leaving?" you question quietly, stirring the tiny stick in your black coffee. You stared at his beautiful features- so delicate yet so somber.

Taehyung nodded grimly. "Yeah."

You licked your lips, sighing to yourself. "And... You're breaking up with me as well."

Taehyung nodded again. "Yeah."

You felt your eyes well up with tears, the lump in your throat only seeming to swell within, and you felt yourself getting choked up. "She's coming too, isn't she?"

Taehyung looked up at you at last. "Who?"

"Yuha," you say, your voice barely above a whisper as you barely managed to choke out her name. "I know, y'know. About you and her. She loved you for so long... You never believed me, though."

Taehyung didn't respond to that.

"She's the one, isn't she?" you whimper, tears hitting your cheeks. You hate yourself for letting yourself cry. Yuha would never let a single tear drop, you knew that. And you had spent so long trying to get your makeup just right. "She's everything I'm not, isn't she? Is she more? And I... I was never enough, was I?"

"Y/N..." Taehyung said, his voice cracking as he finally said your name. You could see how glazed over his eyes were once they met yours, his brimmed with tears. "That's not it at all. I loved you, really, I did."

You don't miss how he uses past tense.

"But you're leaving," you say, voice shaky. You want to hold him close. You want to grab onto his hands and sob for him to stay with you. You want so, so badly for him to stay with you.

Taehyung gulped. "It's unfair to you for me to stay here."

"No," you say, sucking in a breath. "It's unfair to you for me to keep you here."

Taehyung was silent again at that. He attempts to reach for your hand, but you pull away, recoiling at the mere thought of him touching you now.

He had made up his mind anyway.

He chose her over you.

"I hope you two are happy together," you say quietly, your voice a mere whisper. If there were even the slightest bit of wind, or if the AC was on, it would've gone unheard. Taehyung heard every word, however, and took it as his signal to leave, slowly sliding out of the booth as he bid you farewell.

You were left crying, tears dropping into the coffee you didn't even like as you bitterly sobbed to yourself.

-

You buried your face in your hands, no doubt smearing your eye makeup all over the place. The memories make your limbs go cold, and your heart is heavy. You feel almost numb, yet at the same time, you feel too much. A million different emotions wash over you, and you want it all to stop.

Yuha cradles your face in her hands as you crumble into her, unable to so much as support yourself. She smoothes over your hair, saying nothing as she comforts you. You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that you can imagine her embrace as someone else's. She'd be someone else. Her perfume could melt into a more familiar scent.

But everything felt so foreign to you.

Yuha wordlessly opened her purse, getting a makeup remover as she wiped away the streaks of mascara on your cheeks. Throwing it aside, she smoothes over your hair.

"Put some cold water on your face. Your eyes will probably stay puffy, but I did the best I could," she says quietly.

"Why now?" you ask her, your voice soft. "Why is it now that you decided you wanted to reappear?"

Yuha sighed. "Tae is enlisted for the military in a few months. He leaves and... and I wanted to make sure we at least attempt to right some wrongs before then. I don't know what will happen and... What I did to you was my biggest regret. It was his, too. He knew you hated us, though. It took me forever to drag him here. I thought you'd want to talk to him first before talking to me. It didn't go so well, though, apparently."

"You broke me on my birthday," you say quietly. "You ran away with my boyfriend. I thought I was gonna marry him."

Yuha nods. "I know. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to make it better but... I'll try," she says. "Tae will, too. You were his first love, you know. He still misses you."

You feel the lump in your throat swell. "I should go," you say quickly, exiting the bathroom as you shuffle past her. You're rubbing your eyes, thankful that you stopped crying. You should've thanked her at least a little bit for holding your hair back or wiping the mascara off your cheeks- but you felt too prideful to even do that.

You quickly bumped into someone, and you looked to Xiyeon in alarm.

"Xiyeon- I've been looking for you everywhere, where were y-"

"Lisa just confessed to Hoseok" Xiyeon instantly blurted out. "She confessed to him just now, as we speak."

Your eyes widened at that. "Wait- what? How do you know that?"

"I just walked by- I was looking for you and I figured you might be busy hooking up with Jungkook. But he was in the hallway drinking so he wasn't with you. I figured that I'd go downstairs but then I heard Lisa's voice, and I walked past the door and I saw and- Oh my God, Y/N."

You let out a shaky breath. "What'd he respond?"

"I don't know. I left as quickly as I could. It seemed so private, it wasn't my business, though I'm here telling you so I guess that doesn't make things any better. I don't know what happened afterward, it could be up to anyone's guess."

"Shit, we should look for her when they're done," you sigh.

"What happened to you? Were you crying?" Xiyeon questioned.

"No, I smoked pot," you hastily excused. "I'm fine. Joking. Haha. Let's go."

The two of you scramble, looking around for where the two would be for when they came downstairs. You cautiously avoid the married couple, and Yoongi for that matter, not wanting to explain the fact that you were currently hooking up with Jeon. It wasn't until you got to the bottom of the stairs that you spotted the two of them walking down.

Hoseok wore a glum expression, and Lisa, on the other hand, had tears streaming down her face.

Your eyes widened as you turned to Hoseok, anger igniting in you.

"What the literal fuck did you do, Hoseok?" you hissed, hands clenching into fists.

Hoseok's eyes widened when he saw you, your irritated form glaring up at him. He held his hands up in defense. "Y/N... I need you to calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down! You hurt my best friend so many times already and-" You couldn't even speak properly, you were so angry. You had been bottled up with so many emotions after this eventful night- and now you felt as though you were ready to explode. This was the last fucking straw.

"Y/N, please don't, it's ok," Lisa said, rushing to your side, grabbing onto your arm.

You wrenched it from her grip, frightening her. "He's hurt you so many times already, and you're crying and- oh my God, Lisa, how much are you willing to put up with? Hoseok's made mistakes. He's a good guy. He made a big mistake for sleeping with Xiyeon when he was piss drunk, sure. But by now you should be done with all of this bullshit. You know this isn't fair to either of you and now he knows and he had the nerve to make you cry? What'd he do?"

Lisa gulped. "He didn't do anything. He just explained everything."

You frowned at that, brows furrowed. "Explained everything? As in what? You crying could only mean one thing. And I don't think it's good."

Hoseok turned to the frail Xiyeon, who was shaking, paralyzed as her head whipped between all three of you. "Xiyeon, explain to her, please," he pleaded, voice begging.

Your eyes widened as you turned to her. "You knew? What did you know!?"

"I-I don't know what he's talking ab-" She began.

"Sure you do! The night we hooked up. Just tell her," Hoseok pressured, voice strained.

Your eyes narrowed to Hoseok. "Don't you dare start stringing her along this as well, Hoseok. You and I might be friends, but I swear to God I'm one second from clocking your ass."

Hoseok gulped. "I promise you, I can explain."

"Fucking do it already!" you hissed, irritated this was taking so long. "Dear God, you guys know how to speak, fucking do it already!"

"Y/N," Lisa said, trying to calm you down again.

You looked at her, eyes fiery. "Why can't you just tell me what happened?"

Lisa's lips trembled. "It's not my information to tell, Y/N."

Your eyes widened at that. "You confessed to him tonight, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Lisa said softly, voice quiet.

"And?" you pressed on. Lisa stared down at the ground, and you saw more tears slip down her cheeks, the black streaks marking her cheeks. You wanted her to continue, still so confused as to what was going on.

"And... I turned her down," Hoseok finished, his voice tense.

You turned to him quietly, brows scrunched. You let your tongue prod your inner cheek as you looked to him. "You. Turned. Her. Down. Mhm. Ok. Yeah. Ok." Your voice was short and clipped, and your fingers twitched at your sides.

Hoseok gulped. "Xiyeon can help explain! The school's threatening to kick me out if I don't pull my grades up. I'm barely hanging on. If I got here on a scholarship it would've been taken, and now I'm being threatened- that's why I needed Xiyeon to help me so badly. And I was gonna have her tutor me but shit hit the fan! But I can't focus on a relationship- or hell, even a hookup until I have my grades up. I won't even be able to attend parties, y'know. One more late assignment and I'm out of here. I promised Lisa I'd consider dating her once my grades were stable."

You blinked up at him, slowly comprehending what he was saying. "So let me get this straight- you turned down Lisa for your grades... and yet you still lead her on."

"What?" Hoseok blurted out, brows furrowed. "Did you not get any of that?"

"Oh, I got all of that," you said slowly, taking a step forward, which made Hoseok take a step back up the stairs. "I even got the part where you basically said that the grades were what kept you from her, and you lead her on even more, convincing her she'd have a chance if she simply held out until your grades went up. And then you'd consider it."

Hoseok gulped.

You launched yourself up at him.

Hoseok leaped out of the way, bolting up the stairs. You were quick, but not quick enough for the strong arms slowly circling around your waist, pulling you up and off of your feet. You screeched, flailing about and kicking your feet as you turned back to Jungkook, his grip tight.

"What the hell is up with you, Y/N?" Jungkook blurted, struggling to keep you under control.

"Let me at him!" you hissed, clawing at Jungkook's arms. "Let me go, Jungkook! Hoseok's an idiot and someone needs to beat some common sense into him."

"No way in hell am I putting you go," Jungkook curtly responded, keeping you secure against him as he finally let your feet touch the floor. You glared at him, attempting to wriggle your way out of his arms, but he rewrapped his arms around your arms as well, locking you in place. You attempted and failed to pry yourself from his iron grip, and could do no more than growl to yourself.

"Can someone fill me in?" Jungkook questioned, glancing up at the other two girls.

At that, Xiyeon's sickly green face paled of color, and she doubled over, her stress-vomit finally taking its toll.

Right on Lisa's shoes.

Everyone grimaced at that, and Lisa leaped back, kicking off any guck or slick on her shoes, but it was too late. Xiyeon could only mumble a quiet apology between sputters.

"I'm going to clean my shoes, and then we're going home," Lisa said, stomping over to the nearest bathroom.

Xiyeon quickly followed, presumably to throw up somewhere that wasn't the floor.

"Hoseok's probably long gone now," Jungkook told you, earning a low growl from your throat. "Can you, um, explain what chaos is going on?"

"Oh, well, Lisa finally confessed to Hoseok," you said curtly, your tone bitter.

"Really? That's great! I always knew she liked him-"

"He turned her down," you interrupt, watching his face fall.

"Oh," he said. "Well, he can't control how he feels. If he doesn't feel the same-"

"That's not what I'm angry about!" you say, stomping your foot and wrenching yourself from his grip to turn to him. "He's leading her on! He promised he'd 'consider' dating her if he got his grades up. Apparently he can't focus on girls or hookups or parties or whatever until he gets his grades up- otherwise, he'll get kicked out. I'm just mad at him for saying he might date her after he gets his grades up. I just... that's leading her on!"

"I see what you mean," Jungkook nodded understandingly. "That's definitely wrong of him to say."

"You see?" you say, throwing your hands in the air. "I'm not crazy!"

"You're still crazy," Jungkook chuckled. "But... I get what you mean. He's just afraid of losing what's always been there. It's wrong for him to try to keep her even if he doesn't want her as a girlfriend."

"Exactly," you say, groaning to yourself.

"That doesn't mean you should attack him, though," Jungkook reminded you.

"I didn't attack him. Yet," you huff. "You sort of stopped that."

"Just in time," Jungkook sighed. "Dear God, woman, you were a mad man. Look, they'll deal with this. Hoseok's an idiot when it comes to common sense- and school, apparently, too. I've never seen you so passionate about something before, but this isn't the answer. You have to let them deal with it- it's their decision. Both of theirs."

You bit your lip, feeling yourself calm down again. "I guess you're right," you sigh. "I'm just... it's been a long night. I don't know how much more I can handle."

"I get that," Jungkook said softly. "Do you want to sleep in my room tonight? I'd take you home, but you definitely seem a bit... tired."

You look at him lamely through hooded eyes. "I don't want to sleep together, Jeon. I'm definitely not in the mood after tonight."

"I wasn't suggesting that," Jungkook hastily said. "Look, I'll let you sleep in my room, ok? You seem tired and you definitely look like you could use some sleep."

You rolled your eyes at that. "Wow, you know how to make a girl feel beautiful."

"What? You look like a zombie," Jungkook teased cheekily, earning a small smile from you. "Prettiest zombie I've ever seen!"

"You're lucky you have no brains for me to eat," you huff, trudging up the stairs.

Jungkook placed his hand over his left peck, over his beating heart. "That's so hurtful."

"Says the one that just compared me to a monster."

"It's not comparing if you're basically the same thing."

-

"Y/N?" Jungkook's voice quietly called in the dark.

You ignored the sound, groaning in your sleep as you snuggled closer into his broad chest. The boy was like a human surface, you didn't even need any of the covers. You hugged him tightly, enveloped in the smell of his cologne and his fingers massaging your scalp gently. You were in just your underwear, and so was he, and your legs were tangled together as you pressed yourself more firmly against him, trying to get impossibly closer. It was probably the middle of the night, yet you weren't able to fall asleep completely just yet.

"Y/N?" Jungkook huffed again, voice strained.

"Oh my God, what is it you infernal piece of muscle? I'm trying to sleep," you grunt, looking up at him as you gazed at him through drooped lids.

"You're kind of making my arm fall asleep," Jungkook said.

You lifted your head, allowing him to slip the makeshift pillow out from beneath your head. You pressed your head against his chest instead, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat as you struggled to keep up.

You hummed, mimicking the pace quietly beneath your breath with small puffs from between your lips. Jungkook hummed along, fingers continuing to massage your scalp in that comforting way that had his fingers thread through your scalp.

"Are you ok?" Jungkook asked quietly. "I asked Jimin a bit earlier- he said you got sick or something."

You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut. "I probably just drank too much- and I was stressed."

"Apparently it was before the whole fiasco between Lisa and Hoseok and all that, though. What worried you so much?" Jungkook asked quietly.

You frowned. "Do you remember when we met up with that Taehyung guy?"

"Mhm. What happened?" Jungkook questioned softly, looking to you.

You sighed. "He's my ex. He broke up with me and left me- but the girl he left me for harassed me on my birthday. Sort of called me immature and a toddler in an adult's party. Sort of... Sort of the reason I'm how I am now, I guess. They left and I didn't see them for years... and now they're back. His wife even apologized for what happened but..."

"That's a bitchy thing to do," Jungkook quickly said. "What kind of asshole would do that? Especially on someone's birthday? I wondered why you had changed so drastically and I thought that I had seen Taehyung before- it was probably briefly on campus freshman year- but dear God, next time I see him I'll punch him. That sort of behavior is inexcusable."

You chuckle lowly at that, amused by the thought of Jungkook being so fired up. "No, don't. I... She helped me when I threw up, actually. She's nicer now. She... changed."

"I would hope so," Jungkook grunted.

"I mean she seemed genuinely sorry for what she did and wanted to make things right," you tell him.

"I repeat: I would hope so," Jungkook said, rolling his eyes.

You rolled your own as well, smacking softly at his chest. "Yeah, yeah."

"Well, do you believe her?" Jungkook questions, peering to you, wary.

You nodded softly. "I... I think so. She seemed so genuine. They both did. And they come all the way here and- I dunno, I think they really are genuine and want to make it up. Right some wrongs, or whatever."

"Well, are you going to forgive them?" Jungkook asked.

You pursed your lips at that, still not quite so sure about it yourself. "I don't know," you admitted. "So many years of hurt and trying to prove both them and myself wrong- It's made me change so drastically. But wouldn't it be time for me to finally let go of a long-held grudge? Wouldn't it just hold me back if I kept harboring negative feelings towards them forever? Would it even benefit me at that point?"

"You have a point there," Jungkook hummed.

"I don't mean to be imposing or sound dependent- I know this is my situation and mess and all that. That being said, however, I'd like to know your opinion," you say softly. "I mean... do you know what you'd do? In my position?"

Jungkook thought to himself for a minute, quiet. "Forgive but never forget- they say that a lot. You can't be expected to forget everything... but I don't think forgiveness can hurt. Grudges can, however. Again, though, that's just my opinion. Whatever you do, I'll support you of course."

You smiled softly at that, looking up to meet his doe-eyes. "Thank you, for that," you said genuinely, your eyes soft.

Jungkook grinned down at you. "What are friends for?"

For some reason, those words seemed to sting a bit.

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[bispec-remade]

hi! sorry to bother you out of the blue, but i saw yr post on bisexual identity & i was wondering if you had any advice for someone questioning? i've id'd as a nb lesbian for a few years, but i recently came to the realization that that's never really felt Right or Comfortable & i've consistently felt disconnected from it. i think i might be a bi trans guy, but trying to unravel my feelings about men when i've spent years avoiding the hell out of them is..Hard, to say the least, especially (1/2)

when most questioning resources are specifically directed at people who are cis and bi, or just talk about transness as hearing trans guys exist and knowing you were one immediately/consciously wanted to be a boy as a kid all the time or w/e. you don’t have to answer this if it’s a lot/too personal!! sorry!!!! (2/2)

i can’t really speak for everyone on the process of questioning, but i can certainly speak for myself. i think it might help you to hear a little bit about how i’ve identified over the years, and what i largely struggled with in figuring out my identity. while it isn’t exactly concrete advice, you might find a little piece of your own truth in what i have to say about my own questioning process. i’ve done a lot of introspection on my identity as well as the journey my gender and sexuality has taken over the years, so i have a lot of thoughts regarding the entire process.

just as a warning: this is about 3,000 words of text, and most of the more general advice will be at the end of this. i also. barely proofread this so apologies if some of what i say lacks clarity.

over the past four or five years that i’ve identified as someone who’s part of the lgbt+ community, i have identified as all sorts of things under the umbrella. lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, so on and so forth. right now, i identify as a bisexual trans guy, and it’s the most comfortable i have ever been with an identity. but it’s taken me a lot of exploration for me to get to this point. largely due to a struggle with an aversion to manhood, a struggle with community, a struggle between gender and sexuality, and a struggle with other’s perceptions.

see, the last time i identified as bisexual (aside from right now of course) was actually the first time i identified as anything within the community. but it always felt fake somehow, like i was maybe faking my attraction to girls (i thought myself to be a cisgender girls) in order to feel special somehow. it was brief, and it was always just a fleeting thought, a “what if”. i never really solidly identified as bisexual at the time, and i lacked the knowledge of what attraction felt like to know if i was attracted to girls.

and then, that possibility that i might be bisexual all got tossed out the window when i realized that i wasn’t cis in 2014. after that, i didn’t identify as bisexual for a very, very long time, but i never went back to identifying as cis either. it was my first genuine exploration in the lgbt+ community, where i concretely identified within the community. i identified as nonbinary for one month, before i realized that i was actually more comfortable identifying as a trans guy. a gay trans guy to be specific. i can’t really explain why identifying as a trans guy felt right, it just did. it wasn’t really an “aha”, more like an “i like identifying this way, it feels comfortable”. i’m also not sure why i wrote off the thought that i might be attracted to women. maybe because i had a much more concrete and sure identity in my transness, and i no longer felt the need to evaluate if i was attracted to women or not.

i think i identified as a gay trans guy for the longest. around two years. really, the only thing that changed in that time period was that my gender started to feel less and less binary with time, and so i saw myself as a gay nonbinary guy. but then, one day, i started considering a different possibility. what if i was a nonbinary lesbian? which sounds strange of course, because “lesbian” is multiple leaps from “gay guy”. not only does it mean aligning with a different gender, but it means being attracted to women (which gay men are not), and not being attracted to men (which gay men are). and honestly, i’m not sure quite how it happened. i think it was just a convenient alignment of changes in how i viewed myself. i was starting to notice that i was maybe attracted to girls beyond a mere “what if”, and certain events taking place at this time made me kind of disillusioned by manhood (putting both my attraction to men and my identity as a man into question).

and so began what i call my flip flop period, where i switched between nonbinary lesbian and gay trans guy about 6 times. and yes, that is a LOT of times to be making that kind of flip in identity. to summarize, it was…gay trans guy (two years, which i already talked about) to they/them nb lesbian (for a month, and they/them pronouns because while i had heard about lesbians using he/him pronouns at the time but i was too scared to identify as such) to gay trans guy (because i missed using he/him pronouns and because it was scary and unfamiliar identifying as a lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (where i was comfortable identify as a lesbian and using he/him pronouns) to gay trans guy (partially in response to backlash for identifying as a he/him lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (for over 6 months) to a very ambiguous questioning period where i didn’t really identify as anything (which i’ll talk about later). all in all, about two years.

yeah. it’s a lot, i know. and at this point, you might start wondering, “if you were constantly switching between believing you were attracted to men and believing you were attracted to women, then why the hell did you never consider bisexuality?” and…now we get to the thought process that had secretly been running underneath my questioning process the entire time. my desire to feel accepted by the community. you can see it in how i viewed my gender as well as how i viewed my sexuality.

i think at some point, my identity sort of became this tug of war between what felt right for me, and what i felt like the lgbt+ community and wider society would accept (which was fueled by my own internal biases). and in questioning, i think people really need to be honest with themselves about what their particular hangups with identifying as something are. it requires serious introspection. and for me, it required introspection on why i was hesitant to identify as a lesbian, a trans guy, and bisexual. because for me, each identity had its merit and it wasn’t so simple to figure out which was most comfortable for me. a lot of people tell you “identify as what feels the most comfortable to you!” but sometimes, it isn’t so simple to find what’s most comfortable for you. sometimes you have to actively work towards letting yourself feel comfortable in an identity, especially with all sorts of internalized bigotry that you might be struggling with.

i struggled between these three identities so much (enough that i didn’t even consider the third an option for three entire years) because i was treating it like a pros and cons kind of thing. the benefits of identifying as this, and the disadvantages. which can be a way to approach questioning of course. but it isn’t the best way to do so if you’re also factoring other people’s perceptions into the equation. and when you compare identities like that, it also becomes a sort of issue of “i’ll settle for this one because it’s the most comfortable, even if it doesn’t really work perfectly”.

so, what were my hang-ups with each identity? well, with identifying as a lesbian, the issue was that while i did feel a sense of community stronger than i felt with any other community, a sense of belonging, it meant identifying with womanhood to a greater degree than i really wanted to. and then there was the issue of me most comfortably identifying as a lesbian using he/him pronouns, which is an extremely controversial topic as you might know (i still remain wholly in support of lesbians using he/him pronouns, even if the identity didn’t personally work for me). hell, i even got anonymous hate because of identifying as such. and then there was the fact that i couldn’t imagine a reality where i could actually be out as a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns. transitioning or not transitioning would mean a certain inherent level of dishonesty about my identity.

with identifying as a trans guy, it was…well, once i started identifying as a lesbian at a time that i was already sort of wary of manhood, but i started building an even more and more negative mindset towards manhood (both identifying as a man and being attracted to men). the thought of identifying as a man made me feel guilty. it was even more difficult for me because at one point, i was so averse to men that i was fairly sure that i was completely unattracted to men, though still open to the possibility of being a man. and at some point, i accepted that i was absolutely attracted to women, regardless of my gender. and the thought that i might be a straight man made me feel. disgusted, honestly. i tried identifying as a possibly straight trans guy for maybe two days, but. that flopped very quickly because i could barely think about being attracted to a woman for two seconds because i felt guilty for being attracted to woman as a man. this isn’t to say that straight trans guys aren’t valid, but i was dealing with my own shit at the time, and that was just how i saw things. it’s. complicated, and personal, so it’s hard to really explain in words, but the combination of my aversion to men and my aversion towards the thought of men’s attraction to women made things tough. and while i completely understand why people would be averse to manhood (and i still am myself, to some degree) it was extremely toxic to my own questioning process.

which brings me to the third one, which my mind was subconsciously putting out of my mind as a choice. bisexuality. i…it’s hard to really explain my feelings towards bisexuality. that post you mentioned, about bisexual identity? i largely wrote that based on my own previous perceptions of bisexuality. i feel like the reason it resonates with so many people is because i was speaking for my own internalized biphobia. and i’m not proud of it, but it was definitely a thing. for some, bisexuality comes this inherent feeling of not belonging, of loneliness. as if you’re identity is not enough, or that it’s too much.

to keep it short before i start waxing poetic: i think i couldn’t handle the thought of being attracted to multiple genders at once. at having a “straight” and “gay” part of my identity. and this perception is the way a lot of people view bisexuality, even if they openly say that you shouldn’t see bisexuality as “straight” + “gay”. bisexuality is often seen as “part you should be proud of” + “part you shouldn’t be proud of” by wider society and the lgbt+ community, and i. couldn’t accept that. so i never thought of my attraction to men (from when i identified as gay) and (my attraction to women from when i identified as lesbian) as possible pieces of a bisexual identity. it was one or the other, and my mind was subconsciously nudging myself towards an identity where i felt entirely within the lgbt+ community. not to say bisexual people aren’t entirely within the lgbt+ community, but the internalized biphobia i was struggling with felt that that was how i would be viewed if i identified as bisexual. so i didn’t.

so, how did i settle on my current identity as a bisexual trans guy? well, first of all, i was honest to myself. like i mentioned, i pulled all of my thought processes as for why i did and did not want to identify as certain things into the limelight. including the ones about bisexuality. then, i saw just how much my identity relied on the perception of others, and how much distress that was causing me. so i decided to think about things not in terms of how others would view my identity, but in terms of what felt genuinely comfortable. i forgot about how i would be viewed if i was a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns, i forgot about my aversion to men and what it means to be a man in this society, and i forgot about how bisexual identity is unfortunately often viewed in fragments.

but i didn’t come to a conclusion immediately. actually, for a solid month or two, i let myself drift. i chose to not identify as anything, to see where my normal interactions with the world would point me. starting with a blank slate so to say, and trying to view my feelings outside of the context of society. merely looking at someone and saying “hm, she is attractive” instead of “hm, she is attractive  but how would i feel about my attraction to her if i was a man”. or, “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have” instead of “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have but how would i be viewed if i identified a lesbian”. or “hm, that man is attractive” instead of “hm, that man is attractive but can you trust him when you’ve been mistreated by men so many times in the past?” it’s hard to do, but it gives you the most honest and comfortable understanding of your identity. finding the box that fits you first, instead of trying to find the box that fits you and that fits society.

i first tried to understand my sexuality, because it felt a little more objective to me. viewing things in the way i was, with this clean slate, it was an either “you are or you aren’t attracted to them” sort of thing. plus, my gender is sort of innately tied to my sexuality (thanks to that nonbinary element of my gender), so i had to get sexuality pinned before i could pin down by gender. and what i found was that. well, i’m bisexual. i am definitely confident in my attraction to all genders, though i still view my attraction to different genders in different ways.

as for my gender, it took a little bit of time once i had the bisexual part of my identity down. i knew i probably wasn’t a bisexual woman, as i couldn’t really see an element of womanhood to my gender with the knowledge that i was attracted to men (update as of 05.12.19: i no longer view things this way, and i do have an element of womanhood to my gender). so it was more of a problem of how nonbinary i was. because my nonbinary identity is probably the thing i’ve been most confident in this entire time. i do not entirely identify as a certain gender, and i haven’t for a long time. that part has stayed the same. but how comfortable was i identifying with manhood, if at all? and…i sort of eased into it. first privately identifying as bi and nonbinary. and then bi and nonbinary with maybe a slight inclination for manhood. and soon, my identity got more and more male with time. so now i pretty confidently identify as a bisexual trans guy, with the nonbinary element of my gender being more personal than an explicitly stated part of my identity.

and that was my entire journey with exploring gender and sexuality! i guess some things i’d like to leave this off with that actually serve as proper advice are…

don’t be afraid to try things out. quite frankly, even though none of my previous identities (bi cis girl, gay trans guy, nonbinary lesbian) ended up being right for me, they were still extremely important to my personal journey, and i openly embrace those times i identified as such. for example, identifying as a nonbinary lesbian was necessary for me to even accept that i could be attracted to woman, but i do NOT see that identity as a stepping stone towards my current identity. in that time, i genuinely identified as nonbinary lesbian. that was my reality. it just so happens that my reality from back then helped fuel my reality today. and maybe some day i’ll find a more comfortable identity than that of a bisexual trans guy. i’m open to the possibility, but right now, i’m living my most comfortable reality. (update as of 05.12.19: i actually did find a more comfortable identity! i find myself identifying with both bisexual manhood and bisexual womanhood right now, so i consider myself bigender. there is still the element of me that remains a bisexual man of course. though i have since reconsidered my identity, what i have said here still stands.)

try not to worry about what others think so much. identify as what’s comfortable for you. no matter what you identify as, no matter what ends up being comfortable for you, there’s the sad reality will always someone who takes issue with it, even if you end up not identifying as lgbt+ in the end. but the happy reality? there will always be a community of people willing to accept your identity, and you WILL find them even if you don’t have that community right now. in a really weird way, i find it a little comforting that there’ll be haters and lovers out there no matter what i identify as. it means i’m free to identify the way that’s comfortable for me. because hell, those come with EVERY identity. so please don’t feel tethered down by the expectations of the community that currently surrounds you. do what feels right for you, and then find the people who will accept you for it afterwards.

don’t be afraid to go without a label. i personally find comfort in labels, which is why i only temporarily went without a label to help myself through the questioning process. but it is still completely an option to simply exist, and it can be really freeing to do so. sure, there is no community called the no label community, and even communities centered on ambiguity of gender/sexual orientation gather around a specific label, but you don’t really need an X community or a Y community to be happy. communities gathering under labels can be great ways to easily meet people with similar experiences, but you can just as easily find people with similar experiences outside of communities. hell, some of the people i relate to the most when it comes to gender and sexuality don’t even identify as bisexual people or trans men. so if you’re scared of missing out on community if you choose to abandon labels altogether, then i assure you that it is completely possible to find community anywhere and with any identity (or lack thereof).

thank you very much for the question, and i am extremely touched that you saw me as someone to ask about this sort of thing. i myself know quite well just how frustrating the internal struggle you’re going through is, and i really do wish there were more resources for this kind of thing. it’s such a deeply personal process and yet i’ve seen so many people struggle with the exact same things i struggled with. this was probably a lot to absorb, but i hope shedding light on my own experiences perhaps offered you a bit of insight on yourself, if not concrete advice on how to approach questioning. i wish you luck in figuring things out!

#mine #okay to rb #asks #anonymous #questioning #Anonymous

[sayonaralullaby-a]

Finally, am I done giving my full thoughts on/venting my own experiences in 2017. Warning for child abuse, brief mention of/implied suicide, and homophobia.

Shoving the honest and blunt thought of how 2017 as numbers means nothing to me ( if you can get what I'm saying ) aside, looking at my chapter overall of this soon to be ending year, as I said before, it could've been better.

During the beginning of 2017 was when I had to deal with the loss of my very close friend as he left me even after everything I had done to give him the love and support he needed. Sure, the loss was mostly my fault; I snapped at him because of my paranoia and anxiety was running so high as I thought he was mad at me for dropping our long-term love plots for our OCs when I wanted to focus on my education more than roleplaying, but I still wish we could've actually talk and settle things right to each other, but if he wished to not do so and instead leave me and the things we had done together behind as he doesn't want forgive me, that's okay. People come and go, and what I did was a complete shitty as I should've known better so I don't blame him for leaving me. I just hope he's doing okay today and may 2018 and beyond treat him well. I know he had gone through so much and probably still does in the present, especially when Tr.mp was elected, even if it hurts a lot knowing I lost him in the end, I'm just glad that before we never talk to each other again, I managed to do for him what I always wanted to do all the time. To give the love and support when he needed them the most.

Meanwhile until September, I also have to deal with my so called friend at my school. He's narcissistic, unwilling to express much care, once threatened my other friend he would blackmail him, pretty much my mom 2.0 as in manipulative and an asshole. Again, I'm fine with him now, but during those months were so fucking shitty, and the fact I didn't feel like school could be like a tiny home to me with my friends, mainly Casey, while my apartment is fucking shit when my abusive and toxic mom is around, which is like 99.5% she is, was so depressing because there were no where else I could go besides internet with my online friends that would make me feel just a bit at least that I am still alive and real. Still does it blew my mind I had a 100% on my math test as I'm fucking terrible at math, but too bad I couldn't be proud of myself when that day was horrible having to deal with that fucker.

During the spring break on March, that was when I had a girlfriend. If I can actually tell it is supposed to be had instead of have. She was intelligent, funny, and just a wonder to be with. We reunited after we both left the roleplay site forum when it got revamped and haven't seen each other for months until that day we met again on Tumblr. She started saying how she should take me away and live with her somewhere far. How we should be together as a couple. I took her sayings as to date, and we did. Until in the middle of August, we lost touch as I realized she's not as friendly as I thought. I shouldn't be surprised, knowing her personality, but I just believed. Like a fool. To hear from my other friend how she was talking shit behind her back and lying about her when she couldn't be able to tell what holds behind her texts. My ex-girlfriend’s words and actions are just as worse as a stranger doing it, especially knowing how hers along with many others made my friend feel horrible and ashamed of herself to the point she wanted to give up. Even if she did it to someone who I’m just a stranger to, I do not ever accept that sort of attitude and mindset from anyone who does that, unless the person who are being treated that way had done or said way worse than not being able to tell how their texts were worded rudely or sarcastically when it wasn't intended to. Either you shut the fuck up or talk and behave civilly. It's so simple.

The problem I had with her ( anyway - if it weren't for her turning out to be a disgusting asshole ) was the lack of interactions, mainly from me. Both in reality and on the internet, I'm... not that great at socializing. So the fact her and I just drifted off to each other without saying any goodbyes or anything at all in the end doesn't really surprise me. Again, as I said earlier, people come and go, and I know with the friends I have today, they would all go, and I always tell every single one of them I love them because even if it hurts so much, I will never know when they would, so it's just best for me to remind them I love them. And I love them. And I want them to know even if them and I don't end up keeping in touch anymore, I love them so so much. I say this many times but I'm horrible at interacting and I never will. I'm not interesting as I don't get into many tv series, books, films, whatever. I get distracted easily, I don't have much time getting into them, and I'm so wary of the actors, actresses, writers, etc because nowadays, some of them would turn out to be completely way different as in disgusting and horrible than how they usually act towards their fans and such ( such as M.lanie M.rtinez and N.ck R.binson from Polygon who turned out to be garbage this year ). I shouldn't spend part of my life looking up to and even take my time and effort into making my content for what or who is actually full of shit. Fuck them. Even if I am into few things at least, I rarely talk to people about it unless they prompted me to, though eventually I don't continue it because I don't know how to. So if you talk to me, don't be surprised I don't often reply back when either I don't know how to continue the conversation or I'm overwhelmed at the thoughts of annoying you or whatever along the line. It’s very exhausting to talk to me, so really, I don't blame anyone even my close friends and partners who drifts away from me. But if you really want to be my friend, I advice you to keep talking to me, keep throwing topics at me, anything that would make it easy for you, even if I don't end up carrying it, just do it.

I think the absolute worse part of 2017 was when I believe on April when I got my journal book to do my journal stuff, I drew Casey as his favourite animal, and I drew a pin on him that said “I’m gay”. My mom saw, and she got extremely mad at me, telling me “being gay isn't something to be proud of,” and she kept shoving questions down in my throat if he was trans as she was also transphobic and I had to lie to her, replying that he's a new friend of mine while [ his dead name ] left the school. I apologized many times and thankfully I was forgiven, but I felt extremely shitty saying his dead name and to be honest, I still do. I should've done better but I just panicked and that was the first thing that came to mind. Then that was when my mom started to actually ignore me and for the first time she actually neglected me, she didn't give me my dinner as I have to get it myself, and she was mad at me for almost a week, which that's the longest time she was so at me. When I got my dinner after realizing she didn't give me any food, she asked me why as she thought I would stay in my room. At that time, I become completely careless and emotionless, just eating my food as she just ranted her toxic and abusive ass at me. Throughout the entire time while I was eating, she was trying to gaslight me and guilt-trip me. All I can remember her saying was how she knew one day I will leave her behind. That when I was born, she can already tell by the look of me that that I would end up leaving her behind and become a disgrace. That I would turn out to be horrible. I knew she was trying to make me feel guilty, but having a fear of turning out to be rude and violent already, that still didn't help me become more anxious and afraid of myself as just that small part of me feel like that would happen. That was when I tried to plan running away from home. At least live with Casey. But after a week of thinking about it, I realized how completely difficult and different my life would be if I did run away from home, and it's not that easy doing that like I see in movies, video games and whatnot, plus I can't just leave my two brothers behind, so I dropped the plans. Obviously, I deal with her every single day, so I shouldn't be bothered listing everything else that she did to me, but that was the absolute worse one I got from her in 2017.

2017 was definitely the year I've honestly dealt with a lot of intrusive and suicidal thoughts and had used self-deprecation humor so many times, more than I had in any other years, as I can only assume my depression was getting worse as months went by. Also my emotions? They are in no doubt messy and exhausting to deal with this year as people would see me happy then five minutes later I'm sad and is ready to embrace death then five minute later, here I am being happy again. I like to think that when I'm dealing with some dumb sad shit and/or dealing with something bad that happened to me it's easy for me to get out of them as long as I have something to distract me and keep me calm? I don't know, but I guess it's good knowing that I don't often get stuck into the mud for weeks at least. But yeah. Bless this mess.

Despite all of that, during the last August was when I got into Brooklyn Nine Nine and Sugar Pine 7, as September was when I got into Buzzfeed Unsolved. They were the very few best things that I had done in that year as I don't regret getting into them at all. They bring me so much joy and inspiration. Also the people in the community of Buzzfeed Unsolved who does graphic/video edits and artworks are the ones who actually pushed me into doing graphic edits as a hobby with a massive amount of inspiration. I made so many friends in that community and they all make me feel so loved and respected everyday as it's always a joy to see them on my dashboard. To know how it feels to be so alive and most importantly happy at the end of the year from September to December is a fucking blessing, and just, to the friends I made from few months ago through Buzzfeed Unsolved along with Casey, Cy, and Ella, thank you all so so much. 2017 could've been better to me, yes, but you guys making my 2017 at least a bit more brighter and kind to me in the end is what makes it all up for it, and I can't ever be grateful enough for it.

Thank you.

#I'll make my appreciation/shoutout post eventually as this really took the toll outta me #fucking damn #( Cae speaking )

[thewhiterabbit42]

The Games We Play

Summary: Just when you think you know what your role is with the British Men of Letters, everything changes, starting with Mick wanting to work with you.  Turns out, he’s not what you expected.    

Pairing: future Mick x Reader, 

Word count: 4927

Tags/Warnings: slow burn, swearing, future smut

Author’s note:  This was written for @faith-in-dean’s  BMoL challenge.  My prompt was:    “If you don’t like it, you can sleep in the car.”

This was supposed to be a three part series, but in the interest of not releasing parts in upwards of 8k a piece, I’m breaking it down more and going slow burn.  Hope you enjoy!

Special thanks to @sumara62 for last minute, late night beta’ing and all the wonderful suggestions she makes.  As usual, you help make my pieces that much better.  

***Please do not repost or copy my work to any other site without my permission.  Giving credit does NOT count.***

This is not what you agreed to when contracting with the British Men of Letters.  You swallow an ultimatum vying for a spot on your tongue but it sticks, caught on the most recent orders lodged in your throat.  You manage to clamp down on it, casually leaning against the wall, arms folding over your chest as you glare up at the only person you’ve been hunting with over the last several weeks.  

“Ketch--”

“Arthur,” the response is automatic, as much a reflex as it is routine in the tentative relationship you hold with him.  

“Ketch,” you repeat firmly, and by the thin set of his lips he isn’t pleased.  Good.  Neither are you.

“He’s your boss,” you continue, trying to keep things on track.  “Shouldn’t you be babysitting him?”

It isn’t a bad idea for Mick to get more field experience considering how close he came to having his entire staff wiped out by vampires.  You just aren’t convinced it’s a good one that he does so with you.  You’re not certain you’ve even spent a collective hour with the man since you’re not actually part of his operation and you can’t help but feel this is his latest recruitment stunt.

“As you said, he’s my boss.  Therefore, I go where he tells me,” Ketch drawls and he seems as enthused as you are about this.  His gaze drifts down the front of you, skirting the line of inappropriate as it dips below your neck before gliding down to your left hip.  

“What’s that?” he inclines his head and you might be tempted to check, but he’s one of those people you don’t dare take your eyes off for a moment.  There’s the faintest trace of a smirk, as if he knows you know this when you know he’s grasping at straws.  

The smirk widens when he leans closer, and his hand brushes the curve of your waist as deft fingers slip into the inner pocket of your jacket.  This newfound boldness makes you think maybe a break from him isn’t a bad thing.  You know better than to react, careful to keep your features schooled as he pulls out the sleek silver cigarette case you always keep on hand.

“These will kill you, you know,” he tutted.  

As if you’ll even live long enough to experience the more lethal effects of smoking.  

He brings it closer to his face for inspection and his weight shifts forward the slightest bit.  Your heart picks up a few extra beats, a slow stream of adrenaline leeching into your veins.  Blue fixes on you intently, as if sensing the arousal, and for a moment you’re caught in the crosshairs of his steely gaze.

You wouldn’t say Ketch is necessarily interested in you.  Curious is a better word.  Intrigued.  Focused in a way that’s a tad too close to preoccupation.  However you categorize his attention, it exists because he can’t quite figure you out, and you can tell it’s driving him mad because he is good at what he does.  His job requires him to read people.  Yet you are an outlier and a challenge, one that he’s determined to overcome.   

This is why he tests you.  At first, it was gentle brushes against boundaries to get a feel for where yours stood.  When those attempts gleaned little in the way of knowledge, he began to push a little harder, acts growing bolder until you find him more and more in your personal space, trying to find those lines that elude him.   

You reach up for your container only to have him pull it back and it brings you both closer another inch.  His lips give that antagonizing smile while yours remain set in a neutral line.

Normally it amuses you when he tries to get beneath your skin.  

Normally, he’s not handling things that belong to you and that he has no business touching.

He is so close you can smell his cologne, something so familiar, it might become a comfort were you both different people.  You can feel the heat from his body, his blazer grazing the front of your jacket as only a miniscule gap remains between you.  All you can do is stand your ground, however.  Anything else would be admitting weakness, something unwise with a man like him.

“Some people believe it to be a filthy habit,” he says, and despite the set up, the insinuation in his tone falls a little flat. Part of you hopes he’ll follow the line by asking if you are, in fact, a filthy girl.  The delivery is guaranteed to be the most entertainment you’ll ever get from him.  Everything in his world is stiff and concrete and you imagine flirtations, real or facetious, are no exception.  

“You strike me as someone a tad purer than that,” he remarks casually, leaning forward in a way that walks a fine line of suggestive and outright intimidation.

“And you strike me as a man who gets his hands dirty with all sorts of things,” you tease, though a subtle sharpness ensnares your remark, making your intent just as dubious.  Both your faces ghost with sentiments that can be construed in a number of different ways.  Neither one of you is playing coy and yet there’s a heady rush of tension in the air that makes you suddenly wary, and you’d need to be numb from the waist down not to feel a little electricity.

He’s smart, capable, dangerous in all the best ways, but there’s a hint of something else beneath the surface.  It remains as much a mystery as you are to him, only your instincts tell you to tread lightly.  Preferably in the opposite direction.  Since you trust your gut feelings more than you’ll ever trust him, you plan on heeding them.  

“Does that bother you?” he asks.  His head tilts slightly and the way his eyes drop swiftly to nothing in particular before darting back up to yours suggests the curiosity you see is genuine.  

“Does it bother you that mine may be clean?” you deflect.  

The slightest huff of air leaves his nose, but that smile of his whispers of something other than amusement.  It skirts the fringe of predatory, pulling from the dominant air that fills the vacuum left when his superiors are not telling him how high he needs to jump.    

He hands the case back and instead of tucking it away you keep it firmly in your grasp.  When he steps back to give you breathing room, his body angles in a way that has you more cornered than before.  The dance continues, and while there’s plenty of space to move around him, you’re not willing to back down from the gauntlet he’s thrown.  

“You’re in my way again,” you point out, almost sounding bored; your demeanor remaining as stoic and unperturbed as you can manage.  

“My sincerest apologies.”  The only sincere thing about him is his insincerity, as he remains right where he his.  That smile remains fixed on his face and you muster one that’s so sweet and pleasant his breakfast must be creeping back up his throat just looking at it.  

“Is there a reason we’re all standing around?”  Mick’s voice carries more authority than you expect.  Then again, it’s not like you’ve actually heard the man speak much.  You listened long enough to be polite (which was the duration of his sales pitch) and since then just as politely tuned him out of existence which seems only to have served to place you more firmly on his radar if you’re the one he’s choosing to grace with his first outing.

His tone is enough to break the ongoing pissing match you hold with Ketch and since it is his boss, he’s the first to back down.  He steps back, revealing a sober looking Mick.  Ketch gives a smile that is one part artificial respect and a whole lot of smugness that spills into the gap between them, thickening the air with a deep-seated tension that catches you off guard.  

Apparently you aren't the only person he likes to toy with.  

Mick hands Ketch a dossier, maintaining that professional attitude, though there’s an undercurrent of something you can't quite identify.  It intrigues you, because he is a man that strikes you as easy.  To read.  To manipulate.  To be killed or get you killed.  

Ketch is of the same mindset, his lip giving that self-conceited curl before he wishes you, “Safe travels.”

You watch him walk away and the uneasiness ebbs, but as you find yourself truly alone with Mick for the first time, a new tension rises in its place.   

“We should get going,” he suggests, his tone a touch softer.  The look on his face is all business, however, before he, too, turns and heads towards the vehicles.  Without knowing the bigger picture, you can’t do much with them yet.  All you can do at the moment shoulder your bag and follow, no matter how much you resent having to do so.   

***

“I know you don’t like me,” Mick’s voice shatters the silence, but it’s his insight that catches you off guard.  Either he’s more observant than you give him credit for, or Ketch is an awful gossip.  Considering how laden the men’s brief interaction was, the latter is not entirely outside the realm of possibility.  

You grimace, having the decency to look somewhat contrite.  You wonder if he knows just how much complaining you’ve done as of late.  Despite your opinions, you didn’t mean to give him that impression.    

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” you begin, unsure of how to explain it to him; is there even a diplomatic way to say you don’t want to die because Mr. Bureaucrat needs an ego boost? “It’s just I don’t want to be responsible if the man in charge goes down on my watch.”

The look he gives suggests he would prefer you just hate him rather than think him inept.  

“I’m not without skill,” he insists.  “I graduated from Kensington with --”

“I know your credentials,” you cut in.  The way your manners give you a swift kick in your conscience, you realize how much of bitch you’re being.   The combative, dismissive demeanor you naturally adopt in his presence isn’t who you are.  It’s just that Mick puts you on the defensive in ways you don’t understand and it’s obviously giving him the wrong impression.

“From what I understand, they’re quite impressive,” you add, trying to smooth things over.  

 You just fail to see how all that knowledge is going to help him take the head off a vampire before he gets his ripped off.  

The car slows as you approach a traffic light.  As soon as you’re at a stop, he turns, not just his head, but his entire body so that his shoulders are squared.  He’s making a stand, features sober, hands gripping the wheel with determination.  Your mind, however, is already half checked out, not wanting to hear whatever spiel he’s prepared.  A sales pitch isn’t going to magically make you trust him, unless he happens to cast a spell along with it.  

He clearly doesn’t have any of those yet if he’s still giving that God-awful, “Imagine a world without monsters,” speech.  

Your eyes drift over his features, taking in every detail.  You gaze ends up settling on his eyes and you can’t help but notice the way they are hazel, not green as you originally thought.  The sun catches them in just the right way, illuminating verdant depths and highlighting the small smattering of warm bronze in the center.   

It's far different from the frost-kissed hues you’re accustomed to staring back at you.

“I understand you might have a preconceived notion of who I am, but I assure you, I’m not helpless,” he asserts.  His stare locks with yours and you’re can’t remember the last time you saw someone look so sure of themselves without also seeming self-conceited.  

You still need to bite back the snark crawling into your mouth.  You’re not certain what his game is, only that he’s playing one.  The British Men of Letters are known for many things, but being genuine or transparent is not one of them.  

“I’m not going to get you killed.”  His promise makes you pause, but it’s the echo in his eyes that has you questioning his sincerity, or rather the insincerity you suspect.  It speaks of someone who is far more humble than he lets on, one that recognizes he has limitations, and the suit he wears will not stop him from bleeding.

It is completely unexpected, and it almost makes you believe him because it lacks the scripted quality that’s always underscored most of his interactions with you.  

A horn blasts behind you and you glance up to find the light is green.  Mick’s eyes remain on you a few moments longer before swinging back to the road.  As the car begins to move again, the silence that settles is laden with unspoken thoughts in the seemingly one sided conversation.

“I get it.  You don't trust me.  So how do we work around that?”  He questions.

The way he calls you out is a refreshing change from all the subtleties and subterfuge woven into your dance with Ketch.  You’re not convinced the steps he’s taking aren’t as deliberate or steeped in strategy, but there’s a spark of something in Mick’s gaze that suggests there are not as many layers to sift through.     

You watch him from the corner of your eye as you try and figure out how to answer him.  What you say is critical to resetting the impression he has already formed.  The question is, who do you want to be?

“You follow my lead,” you decide, and you make the words come out as a simple truth rather than a demand.  “And we do this my way.”

Starting with the man getting the lead out of his ass and putting it in his foot.  At this rate, you’re going to run out of daylight before you even arrive at your destination and facing those creatures at night with him is not part of the game plan.  

“Does your way include having you drive or should I pretend not to notice you eyeing the speedometer all day?”  He asks and the dryness in his tone is so subtle you’re not certain whether or not it's intentional.  

“Stop driving like you frequent the early bird specials and we won’t have a problem,” your sass has you jumping straight into unknown waters instead of continuing to ease in like you should.  You want to believe it’s the unexpected change in routine that has you thrown off kilter, but you’re beginning to believe it may just be the man sitting next to you.  

You dislike this more than the feeling that today has already slipped well beyond your control.

He glances at you sideways again, most likely trying to figure out whether you’re teasing or taunting.  The engine roars as he presses the gas pedal a little harder and you reward him with an enigmatic half-smile you hope will confuse him further.  

Curiosity flares in the arch of his brow, but the reaction is short lived.  Everything smooths once again, his demeanor shifting to something more cordial and friendly despite your tentative relationship.

It’s exactly what you’d expect from Mr. Davies. Whatever glimpse of the Man in the Suit you thought to have gleaned disappears beneath the surface.

“I’m actually more of a cocktail hour person,” he says flashing you a genial smile.  

***

There’s plenty of time for conversation on the drive.  You can tell he’s good at what he does.  There’s a subtlety about the interest he shows and the way he follows up that’s designed to make it easy to converse with him.  It’s far more natural than the speech he gave when you first met, and you wish he’d shown this side of himself before.

Despite his verbal skills, you make sure to keep things light, skimming the surface without slipping too far beneath the waters.  Anytime he tries to wander off track, you herd him back to the shore through distraction or well-placed misdirection.  You save your sarcasm and humor for another time.  There’s no reason to tip your hand all at once.

Besides, you’ll have plenty of time to mess with him once he realizes where it is you’re staying.

You couldn’t have picked a better place, or worse, for that matter, if you had tried.  It’s the only motel within five miles of where you’re headed.  There is a bed and breakfast a little further out, but you did tell Mick you were doing this the American way, which means the cheaper, the better.

You already have a taste for the British Men of Letters’ standards.  You’re curious to see how Mick reacts having to step outside of those, and likely his comfort zone.  

By the time you get to your destination, the sun has crept steadily across the sky.  Thankfully, there’s still a few more hours of daylight left, leaving the man beside you the sole focus still.  The moment he turns into the parking lot you can see the disbelief blooming across his features.  

“Are you sure this is the right place?”  

You can’t tell from his incredulous tone whether he’s more in doubt about your ability to make decisions or hoping that he’s just somehow got the wrong address.  

“Your budget will thank me.”  You can’t help the wryness that weaves through your words and the look you receive suggests that said budget is the only thing that will be thanking you.  You flash him that same, genial smile he’s been leveling at you the entire car ride and it almost becomes a smirk as exasperation ripples through hazel.  

You wonder just how far you’ll have to push him to get him to act on it.  

Pleased for the moment, you step out of the vehicle, giving him no choice but to follow you as you head toward the main office.  

The man sitting behind the front desk is exactly who you’d expect to find in a place like this.  There’s so much grease, in his hair, in the way he eyes you, in the slick smile he gives, and the last suggests you really don’t want to think too closely about what goes on within his mind.    

Ironically, Mick seems more perturbed than you are, though it might just be due to the fact that you’re actually telling the man you’ll take a room for the night.  

You’re tempted to flash your gun at the clerk when he’s not even subtle about the way he’s staring at your chest as you pull your jacket open to grab your wallet.  You decide to behave more for the sake of making a better impression with Mick than anything else.  Your fingers slip into the inner pocket, the one opposite the side you carry the cigarettes, and everything stills when they unexpectedly come up empty.

You turn to the Brit, cheeks flaring, though it’s not embarrassment that’s burning through you at the moment.  

“Must have forgotten my wallet,” you say, tamping down on the fire raging through you as you give him an expectant look.

Because telling him one of his men was slimy enough to steal from you seems unwise at this juncture without actual proof.  

Mick doesn’t hesitate, simply steps up beside you, pulling his out.  You notice the way he slaps the credit card onto the counter, intent on avoiding direct contact with the man.  You don’t blame him.  You wouldn’t risk it either.

“What kind of business are you two in, exactly?”  The man’s prying comment is irksome as he places the card on one of the old mechanical, carbon-copy credit card machines you rarely saw anymore.  There’s all sorts of curiosity and implication dancing in the air around him as he looks back and forth between you in your leather, and coincidentally, form fitting wear and Mick in his expensive suit.  

It unexpectedly hits a nerve.

Rather, you’re already seething from Ketch pulling one over on you and you’re more than ready for an excuse to mess with someone.  

“The kind where I shoot you if you ask too many questions,” you give him your most saccharine smile and this time you do flash him your gun.  

The man’s lecherous leer falters, his eyes widening as they swing to Mick.

“What she said,” Mick gives a pleasant smile of his own, his tone so casual you would think you’d just relayed you both traded stocks for a living.  The fact he plays along takes the edge off your anger and the look on the man’s face has the rest ebbing enough for you to get your head back in the game.  

You’re not sure if it’s the man’s questionable IQ or if you and Mick actually make a formidable team.  Whatever the reason, the man suddenly exudes politeness and ingratiating obsequiousness, even going so far as to throw in a “sir and ma’am” when he wishes you both a good day.  

“I think he thinks we’re federal agents,” Mick murmured once you both are out of earshot, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement.  

“Aren’t we?”  You ask, lips twisting wryly as you make your way back to the car.  

“You tell me.  I’m following your lead,” he reminds you.  You wonder if that’s the only reason he played along, or if he has a genuine sense of humor that goes beyond knowing how and when to make a joke to put someone at ease.

He pops the trunk and you note the way he grabs the gear in addition to his suitcase, leaving you with just your bag.  You pick up your things before you hold out your hand expectantly.

“Second rule of hunting with me: we act like a team because we are a team,” you inform him when he gives you a blank look.  He hands over one of the extra packs and he’s mentally cataloguing your instructions by the way he refrains from leading you to the door, choosing instead to walk by your side.  

“What’s the first rule?” He asks as you both cross the short distance across the parking lot.  

“First rule of anything is don’t get anyone killed, including yourself,” you deadpan.  There is a joke in there somewhere, only you’re the most serious you’ve ever been when dropping this line.    

“Glad to see we have some similar standards,” he mutters, and you have a feeling he’s talking more to himself than to you.  He uses the key to unlock the door, but before he can even think of letting you in first, you gesture for him to go ahead.  He barely makes it through the threshold, stopping short so suddenly you almost collide with him.

Your hands come up, brushing across the center of his back as you deftly change course at the last second.  Your hip brushes his as you step around him, and there’s an unexpected reaction to the contact you don’t take the time to acknowledge.  You’re too busy scanning the room to find out what has him frozen in place.  

You half expect to find a dead body, although something tells you he might actually feel more comfortable staring at one of those.

“There’s… only one bed,” he states and by the way he can’t take his eyes off it, it’s like he expects a monster to leap out from beneath it at any moment.

You refrain from remarking on his astute observation skills.  You’re fairly certain your sarcasm is bleeding over into your stare, however, by the way his lips pull thin as he finally meets your gaze.  Considering the type of place this is, he’s lucky the man didn’t try charging them by the hour.  

“If you don’t like it, you can sleep in the car.”  End of conversation your tone says.  Not that you imagine there will be much sleeping.  With any luck, you’ll be in and out of the abandoned ranch by nightfall and headed back to the compound.  It would make for a long day, sure, but you doubt it will take much to convince Mick by the way he’s eyeing the bedspread like he might catch something just looking at it.  

“If you can’t survive in here, you’re never going to make it out there,” you continue.  Potentially dirty sheets should be the least of his concerns considering what he’s going up against.  

“I can hold my own,” he contends and the way his posture straightens, drawing him to full height you can tell his pride is beginning to bruise.  

“What have you killed?” Impulsivity sparks, words shooting straight out of your mouth before you can think better of it.  What’s worse is you’re not even able to remain neutral, skepticism tinting your words until your tongue is painting cynical more than curious.  It’s a sure sign your own defenses are wearing thin.  

You imagine a werewolf to make his list since there had been a number of them brought in recently for training.  Maybe even a rugaru or a couple of demons.  You expect something, anything, other than the way his lips pull even thinner as his gaze slides sheepishly away from yours.  

The rigidness not only eases from his frame, but his shoulders fall forward slightly and the shame you see rising up in the absence of his pride is as startling as is the revelation that Mick hasn’t killed a single thing in his entire life.  

Two things suddenly cross your mind.  The first is a whole lot of blasphemy, the kind you hope God hears every single word of for putting you in this position.  The second is how the chances of something going wrong have just exponentially increased to the point of near certainty.  

In other words, you are so fucked.    

“It doesn’t mean I can’t,” the pendulum swings back in the opposite direction and his confidence reinflates, straightening him back out as he tries to calm the panic shooting through your system.  The fact he can even sense it is slightly reassuring.

“The weapons we have for vampires are some of the most reliable,” he continues.  

While you aren’t opposed to using their resources, you also know you can’t rely on solely on munitions.  Guns jam.  Machetes break.  Runes can be shattered and magical warding can be interrupted.  When that happens? You prefer to have someone like Ketch at your back.

Even if he is a thieving, manipulative jackass.  

It’s less about the fact he’s taken your things and more him being so many steps ahead of you; not only did you not see this coming, you have no idea what his end goal could possibly be.  

“No offense but you Brits seem used to your reinforcements, resources...” You hold back the part about fancy hotels with equally fancy drinks. “But it’s different here.  Here, what we bring is what we have so if something goes sideways it’s just you and me,” you explain.  “We may not be as organized or as well equipped, but we also have something you can’t teach in a classroom or design a weapon for.”

“And what’s that?” He asks.  You make a note of how his curiosity allays his indignation.  It contradicts with his earlier flare of pride, but you’re not certain if it’s a technique to keep his ego in check or if he’s simply easily distracted.    

“Instincts, Mr. Davies,” you throw his last name in as a reminder that he’s still not anywhere near trusted territory.  “If you can’t figure out when to rush, when to dodge, and when to back out, it’s not going to make a difference whether you were top of your class at Kensington or a high school dropout.”

The real crux of the matter is you either have those instincts or you don’t.  Every American hunter you’ve met does because the ones without them don’t usually last long.  The Brits, on the other hand, stack the odds in their favor until they are nearly on autopilot and the most use their intuition gets is knowing when to bullshit and when to defer to their superiors.  

“I have instincts,” he argues.

For both your sakes, you hope that’s true.

You don’t waste time gearing up.  It doesn’t surprise you that you’re partial to dead man’s blood and machetes while Mick goes on about the wonders of specially designed toxins that can either be injected or turned into an aerosol.  Like everything the Brits create, there’s a nifty toy included and, as with Ketch, you’re more than happy to let him play with it.

“Call me old-fashioned, but I think I’ll stick with this,” you tell him, holding up your machete before slipping it back into its sleeve.

“You know if we hurry, you might be able to make it back in time for that early bird buffet we saw on the way into town,” he deadpans so convincingly you think he might be serious.  Cinnamon dances within green depths in a way that challenges your expectations.  It’s not quite playful, not wholly not and it’s more disarming than that fake friendliness could ever be.  

“Did you just make a joke, Mr. Davies?” You question, deciding to play along to see where it leads.

“I have been known to on occasion,” he replies, tucking his gun back in his holster before gesturing toward the door.  “Shall we?”

All the Tags:   @girl-next-door-writes @wayward-mirage @sumara62 @fand0maniac @feelmyroarrrr @omgreganlove @jannalionheart @baritonechick, @deaths-maiden @lucifer-in-leather @stone-met

#Franzi's BMoL Writing Challenge #Mick x Reader #Mick x You #Slow burn #Spn fanfic #rabbit writes

[gabrielxreader]

Impress Me

Request: Hey you’re really amazing and i love your writing. Can i have a shy, nerdy reader that loves cats and books. And the reader is an angel that likes humany stuff and has a crush on Gabriel and Gabriel likes them and they meet again after him disappearing for a while. and he does stuff to try to impress them. If you don’t want to write this i understand. You probably received better requests. You’re an amazing writer and person and i’m excited to read anything you write. - @fandomland7

A/N: Sorry it’s been so long! Things came up. I hope this is worth the wait! I snuck in references to Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, and Magic Mike (because my adoration for Matt Bomer burns like a slightly creepy fire). @fandomland7 , I want to say this, and I believe I speak for all admins on this blog: I don’t believe in “better” requests. While we’re flattered by your compliments, I’m saddened that it comes with this sentiment. Sure, I believe that some people are more willing to enjoy a request than others, but that depends on the person, not the prompt. I don’t feel comfortable writing smut, but that doesn’t mean I think smut is better or worse than any other kind of content. Okay? If anyone ever tells you that your desires or likes are less valid than or not as good as another person’s, remember that they’re probably coming from a very self-centered mindset.

Author: Holly

Warnings: Reference to an R-rated movie, but that’s all

Characters: Y/N, Gabriel, Castiel, Sam, Dean

Word Count: 3,173

Y/N = Your Name

                  Your favorite human was Sam, by far. He recommended the best literary endeavors. While Castiel followed Dean Winchester’s guidance and often found himself tasting various desserts, Sam offered you a plethora of intellectual challenges, such as novels, politics, and the internet’s seemingly-endless solutions to whatever questions you may have had about humanity. Currently, you were wrapped up in a book that you were truly enjoying.

                “Y/N? Y/N!”

                Dean yelling your name in the close confines of the Impala made you look up. The vehicle had come to a stop. You had failed to notice, because you coped with the cramping feeling of the car by immersing yourself in a book. “I apologize, Dean,” you said, closing the pages delicately. “I was distracted by the Master of Jewelry.”

                Dean sent Sam a bewildered, questioning look. Sam frowned back at him and asked, “Do you mean the Lord of the Rings?”

                “Yes, that’s what I said,” you answered, moving the book aside. “Is this the location?”

                “Yeah…” Dean slowly said. Sam shook his head and took off his seat belt; they both got out of the car. You cocked your head at them and their tedious clambering, and between one blink and the next, you had flown yourself to the sidewalk outside. Sam turned to make sure you were getting out, only to come face-to-face with you, and he reeled back in surprise. “Anyway, Y/N, we’re not sure what we’ve got this time. That’s why we asked Cas for help. But since he can’t be bothered to come down-“

                “He’s busy looking for Father,” you defended quietly. Castiel was the only fellow angel you had left that you could see. The others were under orders to kill you the moment they saw you. Defecting from Heaven for the sake of mutinying against their goal of destroying the earth left you lonely and with few friends. Usually you kept to yourself, only visiting Sam and Dean when Castiel asked for you to, but because they requested angelic help and he wasn’t in a position to provide it, he asked you to keep a watchful eye on them. “He would be here if he could.”

                “Right,” Dean snorted. Although you wanted to be angry on your brother’s behalf, you quailed without even trying. Dean was aggressive and hostile towards you in the beginning. Since he’d held an angel blade to your throat before Castiel could stop him, you were understandably wary of the Winchesters. You’d learned not to underestimate them. “There’s definitely some freak-of-the-week hanging out around here. Last week, a guy was found with the skin of his face melted off. Something went all Ark-of-the-Covenant on the vic-“

                “I don’t know what that means,” you said softly.

                Sam smiled apologetically. “It means Dean needs to spend as much time working as he does watching TV.”

                You followed them absently while they started conversing about what they thought could be causing the disturbances. Hunting wasn’t beneath you, per se, but very little was a match for an angel, and the Winchesters were possibly the only humans who could pose a threat to any of your species. Walking was excruciatingly slow compared to flying, but you kept your metaphysical wings tucked in the alternative plane and permitted them to lead you where they wanted to be.

                “No way, man!” Sam said, louder, and you looked up. He and Dean both stopped walking by the corner of the street. You stayed back as they devolved into an argument.

                These are the humans that trapped and unnerved Raphael? Sometimes it was still hard to believe.

                Something soft brushed against your leg while you stood perfectly still, waiting for either of them to address you. Dean said it was freaky when you did that, but it was how you had been trained for millennia. Looking down, you saw a tiny, four-legged creature with perky ears and a pink nose. Its little paws were black and its back was spotted with white.

                “Good afternoon,” you said to it politely. Neither brother noticed you talking to an animal. “May I be of assistance?”

                “Meow!” It yowled up at you.

                “Um, I’m not sure that I understand.”

                It rubbed against your leg more insistently. You knelt down slowly so you didn’t scare it. Some animals were more sensitive to your supernatural powers than others. This one seemed to not care. You touched its forehead and stroked its fur carefully. It vibrated against your hand in a purr.

                “Hey, Feathers,” Dean called over his shoulder, having seen you moving to get closer to the ground. “Leave the cat alone. It’s probably got rabies.”

                Sam wasn’t done with his argument, so Dean’s distraction further upset him. “Look at it, Dean, it’s not rabid! Even if it were, do you really think rabies could hurt an angel?”

                “You’re a cat?” You asked the animal curiously. It made the meowing sound at you again. You chose to take it as a yes. “Come here, please.” Scooping your hands under its belly, you lifted it up and cradled it against your vessel’s chest. The cat purred, mewed, and kneaded its paws against your breasts. You cleared your throat. “Sam has informed me that this is unacceptable behavior in public,” you said sternly to the animal, turning to hold it so that it couldn’t get its paws on you while you carried it. “I believe that, were you a human, I would be within my societal rights to harm you.”

                The cat meowed once again and waved its right paw in the air. At the same time, something brushed your periphery and you stiffened, standing up straight at attention. The subtle touch of ethereal power didn’t belong to human inventions, and came from something supernatural. You cocked your head and slowly turned to the left, away from the brothers, pinpointing where you sensed it from.

                “Something is here,” you whispered to the cat. It was easier to talk to the animal than it was to talk to humans. “Should we go see?” You turned over your shoulder to look at Sam and Dean, both still fighting, voices getting louder. “They would appreciate it if this was taken care of quickly,” you logically told your friend, holding it more firmly and beginning to walk towards the source of the ‘magic,’ as humans would call it.

                The power source was in an alley between two larger corporate buildings. Paying no heed to the lesser foot traffic, you turned to walk down while the cat quieted respectfully, as if it too could detect that you were in the presence of something powerful. The closer you got, the stronger the feeling prickling deep within your Grace, until you stopped short and realized that what had seemed like a small nudge was actually part of a much more powerful being.

                Just as you were preparing to turn around and go tell the Winchesters that they should summon Castiel, someone spoke.

                “Well, well, well. How’re things since ditching the God Squad, Y/N?”

                The voice wasn’t familiar to you, but with your name came the lingering touches of Grace. The essence was warm and gentle and you felt something soft affectionately clip your wing, out of sight.

                “Gabriel?”

                “Yeah, it’s me. Tell Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb to get off my tail, would you? You’d think after Motel Hell, they’d be a bit more considerate of my hobbies.”

                Millenia ago, when God was still caring for his children and the archangels were only just beginning to get on each other’s nerves, you and Gabriel would play together. Sometimes Lucifer would join in to pick on Gabriel, and sometimes Balthazar and Anael would team up with you so that the lesser-powered seraphs stood a small chance of beating an archangel in a play fight. Gabriel had been the closest friend you had in Heaven, before things changed for the worse. Dad left. Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael started fighting and hurting each other, and then Lucifer was banished. Gabriel stopped spending time with you, and then he disappeared altogether, leaving you heartbroken and barely motivated enough to fly. Michael took over and began to rule in your father’s stead with an iron fist. Playing became a thing of the past. Brotherly bonds were forsaken, replaced with militaristic solidarity and uniform obedience.

                Finding Gabriel again was a shock, but what stunned you the most was how much he had changed. Cuddling the cat in your arms, which made no complaints, you sat on the edge of a hotel bed while Sam, Dean, and Castiel discussed the very archangel you used to care so much for. Now that you knew he was alive, a switch had been flipped, and you cared all over again. But what were you supposed to do? Gabriel had been the one to melt the human man’s skin. He was hurting the very creatures you and Castiel wished to protect.

                “Could you pay attention for more than two minutes?!” Dean snapped, stealing your focus back from the cat you had been sadly sharing eye contact with. You shrank back guiltily. “Since when do angels have ADD?!”

                “Dean Winchester,” Castiel growled, his low voice deeper than normal. The light over your heads flickered and sparked. “You will not speak to my sister in that manner.”

                The three of them went on to argue over what to do. Sam, the smartest of the trio, stayed on the sidelines except when necessary, and then he just threw in his voice before sitting back out on the bench. You pet the cat silently while you listened to them eventually decide to just move on. A fight with an archangel was not what any of you needed.

                “Is this satisfactory to you, Y/N?” Castiel asked thoughtfully, turning his eyes to you to ask for assent.

                You looked away from them. Having so many eyes on you at once was disarming. “Yes,” you mumbled. “Castiel?”

                “Yes, Y/N?”

                “I want to keep this cat.”

                Dean threw his arms up and stormed away. “Keep that thing away from my Baby!”

                Approximately nine Earth days after deciding to move on after reuniting shortly with Gabriel, the trickster appeared before you while you were scrutinizing a plastic replica of a blonde human. Dean had given it to you with a snort, calling it a “Barbie,” and Sam had smacked his arm for it and apologized to you. You failed to see its purpose, but when you touched its limbs, you could manipulate how it bent and posed.

                “Hey, doll,” Gabriel scoffed when he saw “Barbie” in your hand. “Where’d you get that? Babies-R-Us?”

                “Dean offered it to me to help me learn about human culture.” You tilted Barbie sideways. “I don’t understand the purpose.”

                “It’s a kid’s toy.” Gabriel looked chagrined. “I’m gonna make him into a Ken doll for being rude to you.”

                You leaned back and stared at him, aghast. “Why would you do that?!” You cried in horror.

                “Because this is disrespectful,” Gabriel answered briskly, short-tempered and blunt. He took away Barbie and chucked her into a trash can near the table.

                “Then sprinkle glitter on his upholstery,” you suggested, confused. “Turning him into a Ken doll would be enjoyable for him, from what I observe of his actions towards females.”

                It was Gabriel’s turn to be confused. “Huh?”

                “A Ken doll,” you repeated, frowning. “Is that not a dark-haired, blue-eyed male who strips for the pleasure of an audience?”

                Gabriel stared, then he bent over, cackling and howling while gripping his sides. You sat impatiently, unimpressed and embarrassed. You were wrong. And apparently you were so wrong that it was hilarious. Your vessel’s physiognomy responded accordingly, turning her cheeks hot pink.

                He swiped away the tears in his eyes, still hooting. “Oh, hell, sweetheart,” he giggled. “Where on earth did you hear that?”

                You scooted back on the bed and tried not to meet his eyes. “Dean watched a movie with me so I would understand,” you whispered, understanding suddenly that Dean may not be the one to take much educational experience from. “He said Magic Mike was an academic endeavor.”

                Gabriel laughed so hard again that you crossed your arms defensively, and when he didn’t stop, you just left, flying off to Hawaii. You’d found while exploring earth that you enjoyed the beaches were the ocean met the land. You wished you had never said anything. As your face burned and you tried to pretend Gabriel didn’t mean anything to you, you felt like you’d made an idiot of yourself and wanted to just stay away from everyone.

                When Dean summoned you the next day through prayer, you returned to the hotel reluctantly. The Winchesters and Castiel were in the parking lot, and Dean was having a temper tantrum. His vehicle was coated with layer upon layer of glitter.

                You responded to Castiel’s perplexed prayers to you directly. You flew to his location and found him standing in the quiet cabin you’d found for yourself in Honolulu. Felines were abound, and Castiel had several pawing for his attention, yowling at him for food. Your pet, whom you’d creatively named Kitten, sat on the counter by the sink, bathing its ears.

                “Why would you acquire so many cats?” Castiel asked you, looking down to a tawny-colored cat as it scratched at the hem of his trench coat, batting at the thick fabric.

                “I didn’t,” you responded helplessly. How would you take care of so many living things when you were often away, scouting out information or protecting Winchesters?

                In the end, you made a generous donation to a humane shelter and dropped off the majority of your houseguests at the no-kill facility. You placed fractions of the group in other organizations so that no one facility was overwhelmed by the sudden increase in their numbers. Soon, the only cats left in your small little space were Kitten and a larger, fatter cat that your black-and-white pet had become inexplicably attached to. Castiel named your newest pet Stationary, because you had heard from a human that animals should be named with their personalities taken into account. Stationary seemed to fit him very well, as he only ever chose to move if he was hungry or being shoved at by Kitten.

                You proudly told Sam about your new pet. Sam smiled and congratulated you. Dean snickered and asked who on earth would name a pet “Stationary.” When Castiel turned offended eyes to Dean, the hunter made a hasty exit.

                Stationary slept on your stomach while Kitten kneaded your open hand. Gabriel regaled “Team Free Will” with an animated story about how he defeated a dozen demons at once, one of them being a crossroads demon and another a direct lieutenant of Lucifer.  He boasted about his combat prowess to Sam and Dean, neither of whom were particularly engaged. The archangel kept pausing, calling your name for your attention, and then continuing with his story. When he finished, he looked at you expectantly.

                “Yes?” You asked, cocking your head timidly. Were you supposed to say something?

                Gabriel’s shoulders fell in disappointment at the nervousness on your face, and he waved it off as nothing before you could say you were sorry. He went on to strictly inform the hunters of a potential lead into demonic activity nearby, and was gone shortly after.

                Sam pulled you aside after a reconnaissance report, a hand on your body’s elbow. You listened to him intently, but had no answers when he asked what you were making Gabriel work for.

                “I don’t know what you mean.”

                Sam sighed. “Look, Y/N, trust me, I get that you like him or whatever. I know that after Ruby I’m the last person to be judging other people’s friendships. No matter how much we don’t like the guy, we’ve gotta put up with him for your sake. If I don’t tell you to throw the angelic jerk a bone, then Dean’s going to. And he won’t be so nice.”

                You stared and blinked. “Why would he want a bone?” You asked him. Humans were just so weird sometimes. It was difficult to keep up with them and their reasoning. “Does he have a pet dog he wants the bone for?”

                Sam raked his hand through his hair. “No, look, I mean, the glitter? The cat-apocalypse? The dramatic war stories? Gabriel’s going out of his way to do things for your attention. He’s trying to impress you.” The hunter looked around quickly as though he expected Gabriel to be nearby. “Don’t tell him I let you in on it, but I think he just wants you to acknowledge him. You said you used to be friends, right?” You nodded. “Well, I think he wants to be friends again. Dean’s pretty sure it’s more than that, but I don’t think anything can happen if you don’t start at least letting him know you see him. And maybe if you were, you know, together, it might be good for both of you; he could help you actually learn about humans without Dean teaching you convoluted definitions of kids’ toys, and you could probably talk him out of melting people’s faces.”

                Although you considered it later on, it took several days for you to decide how to react. Gabriel, an archangel, trying to impress you, a renegade seraph? He was already impressive. Why did he need to appear to be more so? You had already forgiven him for running away. Hurting humans made you upset, but you had chosen not to begin a battle you didn’t feel confident that you could win. What did Dean like to say? “Select your wars cautiously?”

                “I believe it was more along the lines of ‘pick your battles carefully, Sammy,’” Castiel recited when you confided with him, asking if there was merit to what Sam had told you. “’Because if I have to spend one more night without getting any of my delicious heart attacks, I might salt and sauté your arm. Now take that rabbit food away from my face before I pop out whiskers and buck teeth.’”

                “Dean is strange,” you noted, making an alarmed face.

                Castiel sighed. “I am well aware.”

                The next time Gabriel popped up for no apparent reason, you were prepared. A funny feeling in your stomach made you feel as if you understood what the brothers meant when they said they were nauseous, but you fought to keep your vessel from betraying your emotions with a blush.

                As Gabriel wound down a story in which he boisterously recounted his adventures with a woman named Joan d’Arc and claimed that he saved her from certain death at the hands of her own people, gifting her instead with a quiet relocation to Poland and permitting the French to believe she had burned to death, your heart beat rigorously. Finally, you called his name quietly. Just the whisper of your voice perked him up excitedly.

                “I’m impressed,” you told him with a nervous smile. “And I like you, too.”

#holly #holly kasakabe #hollykasakabe #Gabriel x reader #gabrielxreader #reader-insert #reader #gxr #blog #second person POV #2nd person POV #angel!reader #impress me #gabriel #supernatural #spn #sam #dean #winchester #castiel #cats #cat #kitten #magic mike #lord of the rings #Indiana jones

[thecoroutfitters]

Kidnapping is a frightening experience no matter how old you are or why it is happening to you. Being locked in a vehicle trunk without any mean of defense is a challenge that nobody would choose to face, and takes toughness and a survival mindset to get over it.

Even if your kidnapper is only looking for ransom money, you must still know how to avoid making the things worse. They may not want to hurt or kill you, but the fact remains: you were taken away against your will and that you are dealing with a criminal.

Your safety is at risk, so you need to know how to act for your survival. Would you know how to untie your hands, or get rid of the trunk and signal for help?

Read the following article and you’ll get what you need to face the unexpected!

What to Expect if Kidnapped?

Kidnapping can happen anywhere, however most kidnapped victims are grabbed within 10 miles of their home, and never even realize that they are being targeted.

Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t just strangers that may try to kidnap you. According to stats, friends, family members, ex-relationship partners, and others known to you commit this felony for different wrong reasons.

A kidnapper that is known to you will seek to get close to you and gain your trust. Use your intuition and always be prepared. A change in behavior or activities should always make you wary.

Strangers may keep appearing where you are shopping or seem to follow you around stores or other places. Always be on the lookout for people that may be watching you or trying to gauge your activities. No matter whether the person is known to you or not, they will have to get physically close enough to you in order to gain control.

The first 30 minutes are the most dangerous for a kidnap victim. Here the kidnappers are on edge and anything can go wrong for them.

As a kidnapped victim it is to your advantage to stay calm and don’t do anything stupid that could get you killed!

3 Second SEAL Test Will Tell You If You’ll Survive A SHTF Situation

Once the kidnapper gains control of you physically, they will have to get you off the scene and to a location where you will not be found, which usually means you will be forced into a vehicle. Since there is very little time to tie your hands up, many kidnappers will simply throw you in the trunk and drive off.

Before they throw you in, however, they may blindfold you. Blindfolding is done for three reasons: to keep you from recognizing them in the future, to dehumanize you, and to make you feel afraid and unable to control the situation.

Depending on the kidnapper, they may also beat you or drug you, and both actions are meant to make it easier to control you and transport you. If you haven’t been drugged, or if you are conscious, follow the kidnapper’s instructions to the letter, to save you from further physical injury now and later on when you are moved to another location. As long as you are conscious and able to move, there is a chance to escape.

While you are being transferred to an unknown destination, keep a calm mental attitude and concentrate on surviving the ordeal.

As you are being driven to another spot, count the number of turns, and remember any street noises, smells, or anything else that stands out. Most importantly try to keep track of time from where you were taken to your destination and how fast you are moving.

Once you have arrived at your destination, you may be placed in a temporary holding area before being moved again to a more permanent holding site.

Remember, never antagonize your kidnappers with obstinate behavior. Always concentrate on surviving. If your captors are using you to collect a ransom, there is a good chance you will be kept alive.

Quickly settle into the situation after you have reached your permanent holding site.

Be observant. Notice the details of your room, the sounds in the building, and the layout of the building by studying what is around you. Listen for sounds through walls, windows, or out in the streets. Pay attention to any smells that will tell you what is going on in the area around you. For example, if you smell a lot of food related odors, then you would know that a restaurant might be nearby and the hours when there are limited amounts of distraction for someone that might be able to help you. Also try to note the number of kidnappers, names, physical descriptions, accents, habits, and the leadership structure of your captures.

Get to know your captors. Memorize their schedules, look for patterns of behavior to be used to your advantage. Seek to identify weaknesses or vulnerabilities. If it is possible to escape then use this information to assist you.

Try to establish a rapport with your kidnappers. Family is a universal subject. So are sports and many hobbies. Your goal is to get the kidnappers to see you as a real person rather than simply an object with a price tag attached.

When speaking, don’t complain. Avoid being belligerent and comply with all orders and instructions. Once a level of rapport or communication is achieved, try asking for items that will increase your personal comfort. Don’t be afraid to ask for anything you need or want such as medicines, books, or papers. Make all requests in a reasonable manner.

Watch for signs of the Stockholm Syndrome. This occurs when the kidnapped individual begins to relate and empathize with their kidnappers. Establish a friendly rapport with your kidnappers, but always maintain your personal dignity and never compromise your integrity.

As a kidnapped individual, you must be patient as negotiations are often difficult and time-consuming.

Always remember your chances of survival increase with time. Most kidnappings end with no loss of life or physical injury to the kidnapped individual. Eventually the kidnapped individual will be released or rescued.

How Long Would it Take to Get Free?

The amount of time that you remain abducted can vary greatly. If you are kidnapped outside of the United States, it can take weeks to months to finally negotiate your release.

Never try to negotiate your own release, always leave this to an expert in kidnapping negotiations.

If the kidnappers are after money, they may try to find out how much money is available to get you released. Be very careful about the numbers you use, and how you express this information. If the price is too low, they may just decide it is of no use to keep you alive. It is also very important to buy time.

The longer the kidnapper is willing to wait for the money, the better chance there is of someone finding you.

What to Do During a Rescue Attempt

If there is an attempt to rescue you, keep a low profile and follow all instructions to the letter. Rescues will generally be attempted only after negotiations have failed. This means that the lives of the kidnapped victim, the kidnappers, and the rescue team are all at high risk. You don’t want to get shot in the confusion during the rescue attempt.

To protect yourself during this dangerous time do the following:

Never try to run away. Drop to the floor and remain still. If this cannot be done, cross your arms on your chest, bow your head, and stand perfectly still in a passive position. Never make any sudden moves that may be interpreted as hostile.

Wait for instructions and quickly obey all instructions you are given.

Most importantly do not get upset if a rescuer is not sure if you are the kidnapped victum or one of the kidnappers. Even if you are handcuffed and searched, do not resist. Just wait for the confusion to clear.

What If I Have a Chance to Escape?

Not every kidnapper is going to be a professional, let alone able to keep you under control. There may be times when you can try to escape and succeed.

It will be up to you to decide when it is best to use these measures. If at all possible, take some self defense classes and find out more about how to use these methods.

When to Escape?

The best opportunity for escape is in the beginning, while there is still some confusion and you are still in a public place. If escape is impossible or too risky, try to cause as much commotion as possible to draw attention to the situation.

At least, if others are aware of your situation, and realize you are being abducted, they can notify law enforcement, and a search can begin.

Locked in the Trunk? Here’s How to Escape

How to Cut Your Bindings

If your hands are tied, it may be possible to cut your bindings even if you are in the locked trunk of a vehicle.

What most people don’t known is that most vehicle trunks are made of stamped steel, and the edges of stamped steel are sometimes sharp and can be used to cut rope, flexcuffs, Duck tape, or wire restraints. All the kidnapped individual does is rub their bindings on a piece of exposed stamped steel until the bindings are cut.

The best area of the trunk to find exposed stamped steel is the underside of the trunk lid.

Warning: be careful when cutting your hand bindings or your might cut yourself deeply!

Video first seen on ITS Tactical / Imminent Threat Solutions. 

How to Find Escape Tools

If a kidnapper is going to use the trunk as a holding area, they will empty the trunk of all unnecessary items such as tools, top off liquids, or anything else that might be used to help free yourself from the trunk.

The kidnapper may forget to remove the spare tire, jack, and the lug wrench in the spare tire well because they are under the fiber board at the bottom of the trunk and don’t take up much space. These items can be very valuable to you.

To get at them, pull up the carpeting and bend up the fiber board cover. A lug wrench is an excellent weapon that can maim or kill. The pointed hub cap remover end is excellent for stabbing and slashing, while the heavy lug nut section makes an excellent steel club that can crush a skull, break arms, leg bones, or ribs.

Today most vehicles no longer use bumper jacks to raise a vehicle when repairing a flat tire. Instead a scissors jack is used to lift the vehicle. The scissors jack is a small compact jack that can be used in tight areas. If used in the trunk it is possible to bend or push metal out of the way.

How to Escape From a Locked Trunk

What most people don’t realize that it is extremely easy to escape from a locked trunk. As mandated by motor vehicle safety laws, all vehicle trunks must have an emergency release lever that is located at the top of all the trunk locking mechanisms.

Pushing this lever either to the left or to the right will unlock the trunk. This lever only needs a couple of pounds of pressure to activate the trunk unlocking system. You should be able to unlock the trunk even if your hands are tied.

Many cars manufactured over the last 20-plus years have a folding rear seat. In some vehicles, there is a unlocking lock located on the rear shelf.

To release the rear seats from the trunk, there is usually is a pull lever that is located under the rear shelf. If the lock was accidentally left unlocked, all you have to do is pull the release lever in order to escape the trunk and enter the passenger area of the vehicle.

If the backseat lock is in the lock position, bend and break the locking bar out of the way and pull the locking lever to release the back seat. Even though most vehicle locking attachment parts are made of heavy duty plastics, they can be broken easily.

How to Destroy the Electric Emergency Fuel Pump Reset Breaker and Box

Most cars today have electric fuel pumps on top of the vehicles gas tank. These vehicles also have a safety reset circuit breaker that cuts all of the electricity to the fuel pump.

This reset circuit is designed to prevent or reduce the extent of fires that may result from rear end collisions. If there is no electricity going to the fuel pump, the vehicle will stop running and cannot be restarted until the breaker is reset.

These circuit breakers are usually located on the driver side of the trunk wall behind the fiber board and the carpeting.

To get to the emergency breaker, first remove the carpeting and the fiber board. The breaker is a small plastic box about 3″ square with a push lever on it. If you are locked the trunk, you can shut down the vehicle’s motor by crushing this box or ripping the electric wiring off the breaker box.

Once the vehicle is no longer able to move, it will be blocking traffic and draw attention. The busier the road, the better chance you have of other people coming up to investigate. Once you know someone is around, you can pound on the trunk and let others know you are in there.

How to Signal for Help When Locked in the Vehicle Trunk

Cell phone

Your cell phone is perhaps your greatest signaling tool in the event of a kidnapping. If your phone has a good signal strength, you may be able to call 911 and let the dispatch know what is going on. In areas with weak signals, it would be to your advantage to text an emergency message.

If you are using a smartphone, it is likely that it has a GPS chip on it. As soon as you call 911, the chip will report exactly where you are. If your cell phone is an older model without GPS, it will be harder to track the kidnapped individual, but not impossible.

Here your phone number will have to be tracked signal tower to signal tower, and this tracking will occur as long as your cell phone is turned on.

Using the Tail Light Assemblies to Signal to Other Passing Drivers

If you are locked in a trunk of a vehicle, it is also possible to signal other outside passing vehicles with the use of the tail light assembly.

To get to the tail light assemblies, first remove the trunk carpet and the fiber board that covers the back of them. Next, pull out the light bulb sockets and the wires.

The kidnappers’ vehicle will no longer have brake lights, turn signals, and rear running lights. If you can do this to both rear tail light assemblies without the drivers knowing about it, there is a good chance that other vehicles driving around the kidnapper’s vehicle will take notice that something is wrong and call the police.

Or, the police themselves may see a problem with the lights and make a routine traffic stop.

Another way to use the rear tail light assembly to attract attention is to remove the mounting pins, light bulb sockets, and let the tail light assembly fall away from the vehicle. Once again, you must remove the trunk carpeting and the fiber board around the tail light assemblies. Next the light bulb sockets must be removed.

There are usually three or four pins that are visible from the back side of the tail light assembly. These pins hold the tail light assembly into the sheet metal safety cage of the vehicle. By pushing or kicking these holding pins backwards, it is possible to free the tail light assembly from the safety cage. When this is done the tail light assembly will fall from the moving vehicle.

Once the tail light assembly is gone, you can try sticking your hand out through the safety cage and wave for help to passing vehicles. Try to do this on the passenger side, just in case the kidnapper is watching the back corner of the vehicle through the side mirror.

If the hole in the safety cage is too small for you to put your hand through it, try putting long strips of rag through the hole in the safety cage to get people’s attention.

If all goes well and someone notices this strange activity, hopefully they will call the police to report it.

Knowledge is the key if you want to stay alive in any life or death situation. How long will you survive?

Click the banner below and find out!

This article has been written by Fred Tyrell for Survivopedia.

Further reading:

 http://www.11points.com/Interviews/11_Surprising_Insights_About_Being_Kidnapped

 https://newssafety.org/safety/advisories/abduction-and-kidnap/

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