#but i literally dont know how to do anything else

[allisluv]

finnick nsfw alphabet perchance 🥹🥹🥹

thank you for your request anon!

cw: smut, fem!reader, not proofread as per usual

A — aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

finnick is super sweet after sex. he asks how you’re feeling or if there is anything he can do to help. he carries you to the shower, washing your hair before cuddling you back to sleep.

B — body part (their favourite body part of theirs or their partners)

finnick likes his abs and his stomach (i literally don't have a single reason to back this this up i just know that he does LMAO 😭)

as cliche as it sounds, finnick likes everything about you and that is the god honest truth. he couldn't pick one thing that he loves bc you're just a goddess to him.

C = anything to do with cum

i think finnick prefers to come inside of you rather than on you. he likes feeling you clench around him as he pumps his seed into you. he enjoys the closeness of it all too.

D = dirty secret

he once came in his pants like a teenage boy when you gave him a lap dance. who could blame him? you looked so pretty dressed up in your lingerie!

E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they are doing?)

we all know finnick is experienced and that's all i'm going to say on that matter. although he has had plenty of romantic encounters in the bedroom, he doesn't know how to be vulnerable when he has sex. its something that the two of you would have to work through and it definitley requires quite a lot of patience on both sides.

F = favourite position

finnick is a simple man and by that, i mean he adores missionary. i think he likes to see your face. thats really important to him. it tells him what you like and what you dont like. in saying that, i do think he likes when you ride him. he likes surrendering that little bit of control to you. besides, he gets a great view of your tits bouncing that way.

G = goofy (are they more serious in the moment or are they humorous?)

finnick loves being able to make you laugh during sex. he'll crack god-awful jokes just to see you smile.

H = hair (how well groomed are they, do the carpets match the drapes?)

finnick likes to let his hair grow naturally. he’s so used to being waxed in the capitol that he just hates shaving in general

I — intimacy (how are they during the moment? romantic aspects)

sex with finnick is always always intimate. he's full of soft caresses and gentle touches and don't even get me started on the praising. the bottom line is that sex with finnick is more about making love than anything else.

J — jack-off (masturbation headcanon)

i don't think finnick likes jacking off all that much but if you have been gone for a while or vice versa he'll masturbate to the thought of you.

K — kinks (one or more of their kinks)

finnick has such a praise kink. he likes knowing that he's the one making you feel good. i think he likes edging but he always gives you what you want in the end. i think in a modern!au he would like phone sex too.

L — location (favourite places to have sex)

sex has to be special with finnick so i feel like he mostly sticks to the bedroom or other places in your house.

M — motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

finnick likes when you get bratty or talk back to him. idk what it is but he just finds that super hot.

N — no (things they won't do, turn-offs)

finnick won't do anything to hurt you. he doesn't like choking or bondage or anything of that sort because i honestly think it just reminds him too much of his trauma in the capitol.

O — oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill etc)

finnick is a giver. he's a pleasure dom and he loves making you feel good. he does like receiving though. he likes how you look on your knees.

P — pace (are they fast and rough, slow and sensual?)

finnick is absolutely a slow and sensual lover. he likes taking his time with you and dragging your orgasm out for as long as physically possible. he can go fast and rough at times but that's rare.

Q — quickies (their opinions on quickies, how often...)

i honestly don't think finnick is a big fan of quickies. he doesn't like that there's not a lot of intimacy involved in it. he only has quickies if youre really needy and he needs to teach you a lesson. he makes you walk around for the rest of the day with his cum in your panties

R — risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks?)

finnick isn't a big fan of risks. i think it ties in with his memories of the capitol too much. don't get me wrong, he loves to experiment but risks? not so much

S — stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

finnick can go for hours and he can last for just as long.

T — toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

finnick doesn't own a massive amount of toys but he does love to use them on you. he likes to sneak a vibrator onto your clit when he’s fucking you— he’s a menace like that.

U — unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

finnick fucking odair is the biggest tease known to man. he'll let his hand slide an inch too close to your panties when you're out in public or he'll wear those grey sweatpants just because he knows they drive you insane. he loves to edge you but he will never leave you hanging for too long.

V -- volume (how loud are they? what kind of sounds do they make?)

finnick will groan into your ear and grunt when he's pounding into you. he's a talker too.

W -- wild card (random headcanon)

finnick never kisses and tells. sure, he'll make sex jokes here and there, but he wouldn't dream of telling anyone the things you two do in the bedroom. that's a private, intimate thing to him.

X -- x-ray (what's going on under those clothes)

finnick's a good six / six and a half inches. he's thick too.

Y -- yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

finnick has a pretty high sex drive. i'd say he could go every day if you were both desperate.

Z -- zzz (how quick are they to fall asleep?)

finnick gets super sleepy after sex. he'll clean you up and then collapse back into bed, nuzzling his chin into your chest.

#grace talks🐚🌷 #the hunger games #thg #headcanons #hcs #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair #finnick odair x you #sam claflin #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair imagine #smut #fluff #alphabet #fem!reader #the hunger games x reader

[ravenzer]

What's going on:

What it looks like at work:

#i am vibrating out of my skin #my bones are turning to dust where i sit #im killing you with my mind #this is actually undirected #i need to scream and isolate and stim #and i cant #mostly because i am A Caretaker right now #best i can do is beam hearing damage straight into my ear drums #loud music helps #mental eelness #masking hurts. so bad rn #but i literally dont know how to do anything else #personal #sorry for no alt id on the first one... i genuinely dont know how to describe it

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[cloudysarts]

wow look at these 2 random human men. i wonder if this moment will be paralleled in their afterlives

~i dont support vivziepop or her shows + this art/redesign is from my rewrite~

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel critical #hazbin hotel redesigns #angel dust #anthony #husk #husker #huskerdust #angelhusk #human angel dust #human husk #SORRY SORRY SORRY i know i posted another hellaverse thing within the last 24 hours. it for sure will happen again #earlier i got an anon that said smth like 'why are you hyperfixated on a show you loathe. this woman didnt do anything to you' #first of all i dont know. i sure wish i was focused on smth else rn bc this sucks lol #second of all. i dont know how to explain to you that youre supposed to care about other people. i hate her and her shows bc shes like #the shittiest person in the world lol. she is literally racist transphobic antisemetic etc etc etc....??????? #i think the shows are salvageable bc it has a good premise but unfortunately vivzie//pop is a fucking idiot so SOMEONES gotta do it right

[brookheimer]

the one thing i feel pretty certain about for this episode is that america will not decide the election. a decision will be made, a president will be elected, but america will not be the deciding factor.

succession can’t mimic 2016 or 2020 point blank, that would be boring and have nothing to say. it can’t try to outdo trump because it’ll go too whacky and fall flat like veep’s last season (sorry conheads, no way he’s winning). but what it CAN do is illustrate the immensely corrupt, often arbitrary, and hugely influential nature of news media and conglomerations on political processes. i think probably jimenez will be in the lead, then atn/waystar does something to, i don’t know, discount votes or cast suspicion on jimenez or call the election for mencken early, and the tide will shift, even though the votes are already in. the votes don’t actually matter. the actual result doesn’t actually matter. that’s the power logan (and as an extension, billionaires and CEOs in general) hold. shiv says it herself to logan in s4e2: “just cause you say it’s true doesn’t make it true. everyone just fucking agrees with you and believes you, so it becomes true and then you can turn around and say like, 'oh, you see? see? i was right.'” but it doesn’t matter that logan’s “a human fucking gaslight,” everything he says comes true anyways. not because he was right, but because that’s how it works. he says things and then they happen, regardless of what the truth is or what should actually come to pass. that’s been one of the key throughlines since the very first episode of the entire show when, in response to kendall calling logan out of touch because times are changing and logan isn't changing with them, logan hisses that everyone always says you’re wrong until you do it and prove you were right: “you make your own reality.” you can't miss the bus if you're the one driving it. the election, the votes, the political process? none of that matters. it was always going to come down to the roys and their ilk (allies or enemies, just the top 1%) — that was the whole point of “what it takes” (the mencken episode) last season, after all.

i’ve seen lots of theories about what america will choose and how the candidates will respond and all that and i just don’t think that’s the show’s focus; i think the whole point is to demonstrate the lack of agency, the illusion of democracy. because, i mean, we’ve already seen the fall of democracy via fascist election and fascist election-denial, both in real life and in the countless (usually mid) satires created afterwards. it would be disappointing to see succession use the election to reiterate that same point of 'ohhh alt-right ahhhhh!!!' i don’t think it’ll be about ‘fascism’ at all — at least, not ‘trump-y’ fascism. it’ll be about fascism in the broader sense, the kind that doesn't sport a KKK hood (even when it keeps one tucked away in the attic). it's the fascism that every single roy (very much including shiv and kendall) aid and abet -- the fascism that so many succession fans don't seem to regard as fascism, despite it quite literally being the definition of fascism. trump wasn’t the entrance of fascism into our political process. he wasn’t the lone sign of the failing of american democracy. democracy in america has long been illusory, trump just made it more blatantly evident with his particular brand of hate-speech-ridden masculinist in-your-face fascism.

so i think that’s what this episode will hopefully focus on — america will not decide. corporations, news media, and the roys will. thus, the president will most likely become president not because the country supports his policies the most, but because he’s likely to agree to help block a business deal for a major media empire, and the other candidate is unlikely to. and this will likely come to pass due to said major media empire's interference and influence: they create their own reality. they say it, and everyone agrees with them and believes them, so it becomes true.

#WOOF okay here's my unnecessary ~thematic prediction~ for this episode #i have some more like random thoughts ab what'll happen but those r less thought out and more throwing shit at the wall etc #but i've been thinking a lot ab this ep n idk i just can't see any other way it could be done satisfyingly -- they can't just do 2016/2020 #again. the focus has to be elsewhere. i have some specifics thoughts on details but again those r kinda random n will be in another post #after bizarrely getting a lot of things right this szn i know a lot of people are looking to me to see what i'll say for this ep and let me #remind yall that I AM LITERALLY JUST GUESSING BASED ON MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SHOW AND HOW NARRATIVES #TEND TO WORK PARTICULARLY IN SUCCESSION! if i am wrong which i very well might be please do not crucify me. i know literally #nothing more than anyone else i'm just a random english/gov major who likes speculating about media ! that said if i end up right again #somehow then yes i am a prophet i am jesse armstrong i have never been wrong about anything in my life. etc #watch this age so poorly tho. #LOL #also fwiw i dont think the Shock etc is going to come from the election results - maybe possibly from the way things happen (i could see a #line of miscommunication resulting in fucked up outcomes etc which i can get into in another post) or a roy sibs moment but i just #don't think there's any way the results themselves cld be surprising. it's jimenez or mencken. it's not gonna be connor guys. #succession #succession spoilers #except not really. just succession speculation more than anything else #long post #succession speculation #100

[arom-antix]

So.

I finally watched Yuri!!! On Ice.

#arom antix art #my art #art #artists on tumblr #yuri on ice #yuri katsuki #yuri on ice fanart #yoi #yoi fanart #and now every thought i have is about the show #i dont want to stop but i really have to do literally anything else #but i cannot not think about it #so i guess life will have to wait for my brain to stop hyperfixating #help im watching every olympic figure skating recording #you know i had to draw the ring tho #like come on #how can i not #and yes im very aware that the lights are not dimmed for the short program #i just like how it looks #its also a much simpler composition #and i wont say no to not having to draw a properly visible background #no alt text

[poppyseed799]

btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.

#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad #trafficblr #life series #secret life spoilers #secret life smp #jimmy solidarity #also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!! #LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT #HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST #having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few #days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community. #LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL #I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore #does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character #cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of #WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man

[1tsjusty0u]

zelda is done. so dirty sometimes

#like. either A her things are attributed to link (ive seen a comic where rhoam scolding zelda for her failures was made to be a comic about #link and like. he wasnt even talking to him!!!!!!!!! theres other ways you can show that and other ways that include rhoam considering he w #as on the great plateau but They Didnt??? and also silent princesses and such but thats a ship thing i think? #or B they blame her for things that literally were not her fault and she couldnt do anything about #(seen someone in a theory video blame zelda for everyone dying because ‘link using the shekiah slate would open the shrines. is she stupid’ #paraphrasing but that was the gist. shrines dont even work that way theyre just Wrong #or sometimes shes made out to be stupid in general #like listen. im not a zelda character fan. i dont love her and i dont hate her. but Come On #you dont have to be obsessed with her or even focus on her in what you make just . Respect her i guess #it feels weird to say because shes a character. however i dont know how else to say it

[bastiantj]

found out you can get protean from beckett as any other clan and it’s all over for you bitches

#vtmb #vtm #wod #jeanette voerman #sebastian lacroix #i know a literal dog is not how protean forms work but #i figure 4 disciplines is OP as shit so i decided gigi is just bad at that one. #he can do dog and he can do man. anything else dont work for him

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah.... #i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post. #bye now

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[widevibratobitch]

im gonna start screaming in 3...2....1....

#i dont get it man #how are people doing this #this living and functioning like an adult and not getting absolutely overwhelmed by the smallest thing #i need to clean my flat so bad. but i dont know where to start and it's quite literally killing me. #its like a goddamn paralysis. i cant move. because i dont know. where. to. start. #also i started doing laundry in the wrong order and it ruined my whole fucking day lol #and now that this part is ruined i literally cant bring myself to do anything else because it just feels Wrong #and i have a train to catch at 4 pm and technically i know thats 9 hours away and that's A Lot. like logically. i know. #but i still feel like that's not enough time #fuck me fuck me fuck me why is my brain like this

[kimmkitsuragi]

whew haha

#🗒 #my mom is like 'ok it's set let's tell everyone' and im like 😭😭😭😭 !!!!! #are u sure!!!! are u sure it's set like ???? 😭😭😭 #ughhhhhh after this much trust i will literally kill myself if i dont get ANY scholarship lmaooooo #but also like. is it set now!!!! really !!!!!!! is it !!!!! #(excited but horrified and anxious) #like. like like like........ like i mean #um........ for real now? like are we sure for sure ?? #i honestly will be like 100% on my way to [redacted] and still be like haha. is it for real #are we sure . will this actually happen #that's. crazy man #i cant help but feel like im asking for too much again. ughhhhhhh #yes hello hi. this blog has been my main outlet for emotional breakdowns about the same subject for um #(checks notes) a few months now. truly is anyone else bored of this ? because im so over it #but also like. things just dont get clear !!!!!! ever !!!!! #how can i be sure how can anyone be sure that i will actually be going lmfaooooo #i hate this waiting period i hate it why cant i know if i got anything or nah. but please don't say nah #ughhhhhh . alright. whatever it's not like i care that much honestly -_- #(threatens to kill self every day a few times over this btw) #anyway um let's. be positive #it will go great tomorrow 🤩 they will want to give me money sooooo bad 😍 #and i will receive an email this week 🤗 about the wait list thing for SURE 🥳 #i am doing amazing dont worry guys. im sooooo chill rn #Sorry for the constant embarrassing personal posts lol

[pansyfemme]

i feel so stupid i need to stop just posting whenever and whatever i need to get something to do in my life but i dont even believe im capable of anything

#i feel like a peice of shit continuing to pursue art full well knowing theres zero chance ill survive the industry with my disablities and #inconsistant mental state and i feel like a peice of shit because i see literally nothing else im good at and maybe i should have been #focusing on that instead. and i dont believe i’ll get anywhere and i dont believe anything will ever change #i spend so much time depressed in bed that all i know how to do when i feel shitty is go and have public tantrums

[cuteiemonster]

My piece for the @hermithorrors zine!! I had the honor of drawing Jevin’s face melting into slime!! ^-^

#cuteiecreates #ijevin #hermitcraft #ask to tag #body horror tw #scopophobia tw #? #gore tw #i recorded. Most of my process?? im pretty sure. so if someone wants a speedpaint of this lmk and ill work on editing it together vnskdjfv #but yeah!! i had so much fun with this!! my idea changed a lot but im so happy with how it came out!! ;o; #and everyone else did such a good job too!! LITERALLY FROTHING AT THE MOUTH OVER EVERYONE ELSE'S WORK #if u want to see the whole zine go check out hermithorrors!!!!!!!!!!!! :D #please ;_; #no but actually i havent posted horror in so long i dont know what tags i should use so please let me know if u need this tagged as anything #!!! i do not bite :] #edit: changed the tags to lowercase because it wasnt showing up in tags and apparently that helps?? ty fellow zine ppl ;_;

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive