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#but anyway!!! had fun w him
dizzybevvie · 15 days
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You're the sunflower/I think your love would be too much
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kindnessoverperfection · 11 months
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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welcometogrouchland · 4 months
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I've been binging Batman Beyond recently (Terry ily so much) and thought about how- bc of the JLU twist which I think isn't even canon to the comics BB verse but shhh bare with me- he'd technically be Damian's half brother??? Which is just so ridiculously soap opera to me. I need them to interact in a silly time travel adventure so bad you don't even understand (ID in alt)
#dc comics#damian wayne#terry mcginnis#batman beyond#batman and robin#mine#also feat the mild damian uniform redesign i like playing around with. it's fun i like her. i love u classic robin colours#the backstory for this image in my mind is that Terry knows of Damian/has maybe met him#in the future (whether we're going w the rebirth ''damian rejoins the league'' angle that i. don't love conceptually but can't judge-#-bc i haven't read. or if we go w/ some other potential future route for damian) and Terry is like. experiencing whiplash at meeting him-#-as robin. like you are 5 feet tall why r u so bossy. where is your dad good god. this is why i don't have a robin (?this is pre matt-robin)#but Terry's in an unfamiliar time trying not to cause a paradox so he puts aside his indignitude(?) at being bossed around by a kid#just long enough to make sure nothing goes horrifically wrong. hence this image takes place#<- i could've been a lot more eloquent explaining this but it's very late and i should've been asleep ages ago#anyway. absolutely crazy to me that Damian has had multiple flavours of secret brother plots and terry is a potential addition. rip damian#(also in my ideal future damian took up the nightwing mantle (EVERYONE READ NIGHTWING MUST DIE!!!) before retiring(#idk what his future career is. lowkey hes a webcomic artist in my brain but that's so horrendously self indulgent i can't condone it#also i decided to try my hands at lineart again. evil. how are you so stiff looking and difficult to do. waughh#anyway if things look weird. no they don't
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aardvaark · 2 months
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i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun
hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-
parker: i dont know
hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?
parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?
eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?
parker: that’s what i said!
hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now
sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?
hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.
sophie: …….july 12th
hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?
sophie: ………… (guilty silence)
parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison
hardison:
hardison: what the fuck guys
#leverageposting#wren speaks#leverage#parker leverage#alec hardison#nate knows his birthday i guess so i didn’t include him. if he was watching the whole time he would probably say ‘idk’ to mess w hardison#they’re having this convo in nate’s apartment but it’s like 3am & he’s asleep & they’ve all broken in to hang out#parker doesn’t know either bc of her ridiculously neglectful foster parents or bc she’s parker & her priorities are simply different to most#people. her birthday is irrelevant to thievery. and sadly probably not related to fun happy memories anyway.#sophie obviously is a good enough grifter to answer confidently but she feels a little bad abt lying to her family by now#meanwhile hardison had a normal foster nana who would have known his bday. most kids aren’t safe-surrendered like eliot so assumably#hardison would have a known bday. and he likes birthdays!#and he wants to throw parker a little party even if it’s a very unconventional parker bday that involves rappelling & jumping off buildings#but he is once again thwarted by the leverage team members having the strangest possible lives#he IS gonna give them each birthday parties tho. even if he has to make up some dates & stuff#sophie’s can be the fake date she gives if that’s what she rlly wants. nate’s real birthday is on file somewhere even if he’s being annoying#rn so hardison just has to do some basic hacking. eliot would have an approximate bday such as the day he was surrendered that his parents#would have celebrated throughout childhood. and parker’s would be april 1st bc that’s alice whites bday (and YOURE ALICE!!!)#as in it’s canonically in the online info abt alice white shown in the juror no.6 job & obvs that’s april fools so it’s funny :)#and hardison has a NORMAL bday unlike SOME ppl and yes he DOES expect presents you heathens!!
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K but what if siblings
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skitskatdacat63 · 6 months
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
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II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
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Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
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Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
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This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
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Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
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This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
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Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
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For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
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The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
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But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
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#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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lemongogo · 5 months
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more stuff.(jumps)
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notachair · 2 months
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Since atla is again having an extra surge of popularity, I'm shooting my shot:
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[ID: (Rest of image description in alt). At the bottom of the image sits the text: "Zuko: Okay. Well, I can't remember how it starts, but the punchline is "leaf me alone, I'm bushed."" ID end].
Did we ever find out what the setup for this joke was? I feel kinda haunted by it. If not- anyone wanna make their best or worst guesses?
edit: I now know what "I'm bushed" mean, but go ahead anyway 👍
haunted thoughts in tags ↓
#atla#the way I was early out for this next surge in popularity 🤗 I was in a different phase by 2020#it's not like it haunts me day and night but it does bother me thinking back on it. please tell me I'm not the only one 🧍‍♂️#I'll have to reblog the 'closure is a myth' post jk#what kind... of joke is it? leaf pun on leave i get. I'm bushed however I dont get. it implies the punchline sayer is a bush at least I#think. but what prompts the 'i am bushed' I dont get. is it not contextual? is it a phrase ive not connected like 'leaf me alone'?#is there anotger layer between leaf and bush? again what kind of joke (social:joke purpose. what is funny? only pun?) + (in-joke set up)?#is it about the kind of bush it is? is it between two plants? the plant & someone picking on the plant like a teamaker collecting?#is it about a plant that has grown into bush and thus (somethingsomething)?? is it not a plant at all? other elements? iroh *what*.#if the creators actually had a setup in mind- I fear it will be lame. but yet I am haunted#it must have cracked someone up for him to try relay it. (set in term of endearment here) 🧍‍♂️👈 *poking him*#either way. me 🤝 zuko @ being bad at remembering & relaying jokes 😁👍#at least in that instance anyway#I mainly stick to irony & sarcasm. running along with an mistaken assumption or replying w something silly & blowing it out of proportions.#puns if I'm lucky. ect. fun when I can reference it later tho I try not to overdo it. not like I'll likely remember it for too long anyway#now to lay in wajt see if anything happens....#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla zuko#a:tla#my rambles#its lie and not lay is it not.....
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averlym · 8 months
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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entropyvoid · 24 days
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vvenuspng · 2 months
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human stolitz bc i felt like it
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ronanxing · 8 months
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💥💥💥
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[ID: a digital sketch of Eda and Raine from the owl house. They're in their designs from watching and dreaming, pre epilogue. Raine holds out their arm for an injection (given by a disembodied hand and labeled "magic rabies shot") and Eda lays a hand on their shoulder and leans her head on theirs. She says "you're doing great Raine! how'd you get rabies tho?". Raine stares dead eyed at the viewer as a thought bubble connected to them shows Belos biting down on their arm. End ID]
I was gonna post a request today but I feel like it's gonna flop and this is funnier. So request tomorrow, Raine Whispers Rabies doodle today
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miodiodavinci · 11 months
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the latest in a long line of D&D characters ! ! ! please meet outis, my archaic warforged paladin ! ! ! they were originally built to find patterns in chaos and help guide travelers through hazardous places where rules are few and far between, though a recent expedition gone awry seems to have put an end to its career
even still, they're still on a journey to some place far, far away, though no one seems to know where—least of all outis w
doodle of how we usually end up drawing them in the ms paint session notes below the cut w
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valentine-writes · 9 months
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Hello!! I absolutely adore your spot HC!
I was wondering if you could write something pre-collider accident? When he was working for alchemax ^^
I would adore more content about him and reader being coworkers, maybe this is way too self indulgent, but I crave some good enemies/rivals to lovers with this man. I think the dynamic would be so fun ^^
competitive
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「 tws + notes: possibly ooc, no tws, unedited, rivals to lovers (which i hope i do justice), pre-collider johnathan ohnn, reader and johnathan are petty,,, can u tell i like writing him mildly bitchy, plz forgive any conflicts w/ canon i researched but im like 99.9% sure there r still errors 」
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「 gn!reader, romantic relationship <3 」
↳ ft. johnathan ohnn/the spot
author's note: ouughh i love this sooo much,,, thank u AUDHEWUFHEW o((>ω< ))o !!! im so excited to write more of pre-collider him,, ignore me as i feverishly research every bit of canon info i can get cuz i haven't been able 2 rewatch the movie yet i hope this is to ur liking! enemies to lovers is not my strong suit,, but OHOUWHUDHEWH RIVALS TO LOVERS!!! UNDERUTILIZED!!! might hafta make a part two tho,,, locked in on the rivals part,,, lovers part in progress. ok no more of my rambles
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▸ ever since you had arrived at alchemax, you and johnathan just couldn't seem to get along. not a particularly useful thing, considering you both worked for the same research company where teamwork was vital though, you insisted you had no real spite for him, the second you had gotten the job, you just seemed to one-up him in every single way.
every. single. way.
▸ when given a deadline, you'd finish in half the time it took him. when completing research, you have the information compiled when he was just starting to organize his.
hell, you even succeeded in being more proficient socially. how had you made so many friends already?
▸ he had to admit you were terribly charming too– a trait he was particularly envious of– and from the few times he's seen you get coffee with one or two of the other scientists, he knew that everyone seemed to think the same
not like he was paying that much attention to you as he saw you laughing with another coworker through the cafe window. foam party? sounds boring anyways, whatever
▸ he wasn't mad because he was lonely, or saw himself as inferior to you. johnathan had friends and honestly didn't consider himself particularly bad at making them. johnathan knew he was intelligent and that with his work, he could accomplish something big.
no, this problem had nothing to do with him. it was you. besides you, all the things he worked hard for was just second nature.
how annoying.
▸ your sworn rivalry had been one-sided for the longest of time to any witnesses. grumbling under his breath while he passed you, making a great effort to speak curtly with you, and was certainly not beyond intentionally knocking his shoulder into yours when he passed the look you shot at him for doing this was enough to make him wither on the spot– unintentional joke. my bad.
but he knew you were just as competitive as he was. the way you acted just had to be intentional. some of your remarks towards him were too pointed to ignore– your smiles and your friendliness nothing more than keeping it as civil as possible in a workplace setting.
professionalism, masking a deeper intention: to outdo him.
▸ and once you had figured that your feigned innocence would no longer keep you afloat, that's when the true rivalry began. an ambition-fuelled climb to the top to be better than the other.
it manifested more childishly than you two cared to admit.
"you know, chewing on pens isn't great for your enamel." johnathan practically jumps out of his seat, your words effectively snapping him out of his completely focused state.
he grumbles, looking over at you while lowering the pen away from his mouth a habit that i have too... guys look away itz not projecting...
you only shrug your shoulders. "just saying, johnny."
"don't call me that." he retorts, trying not to roll his eyes. "are you here just to bother me with unsolicited comments about my habits and dental advice?"
you laugh and he feels his face heat up in annoyance. you and your stupid laugh. he's heard enough of it around the workplace while you chatted amongst the others. it was a sound he could live without.
"so hostile. we work together, y'know?" you grin. there's a glimmer of amusement in your eyes. you were getting on his nerves and you knew it.
"anyways, i just came to ask if you had a pen i could borrow. preferably not one with teeth marks." the last part is tacked on so briefly that johnathan didn't even have time to be offended about it before he replied.
he looks at you dead in the face. "sorry. i don't have an extra pen on me."
you glance at the completely untouched, unused, ballpoint pen on his desk and then back at him. he says nothing, staring at you silently, before you get the hint decide to go ask someone else.
▸ it gets pettier.
imagine johnathan eying up a coworker, getting all blushy and stumbling over his words around them.
and within a week, you've got their number– and he passes by the two of out in that STUPID FUCKING HIPSTER CAFE GODDAMMIT–
it's not that serious to him. he can move on from a workplace crush. he however, can't move on from the fact you swooped in before he even got a chance. you never care to bring up that on your little coffee date with that person ended up being a disaster– maybe it was for the better they stayed away from him
▸ of course, he was able to outdo you too. his biggest success?
"so," johnathan flinched away, about to walk out the glass doors of alchemax and head home for the day– only to find you with your back leaning against the frame, arms crossed. "heard you got put in charge over something pretty important."
he curses under his breath. "you can't just sneak up on people like that."
"i was literally standing here in plain sight the entire time."
"were you waiting for me or something?" he asks sarcastically. johnathan seems somewhat surprised when you don't respond, awkwardly averting your gaze from him for a moment hm. guess that's a "yes"...
"doesn't matter." you reply, shoving your hands in your pockets. "so... you're working on a portal thingy?"
"i'm one of the people overseeing it, yes." he huffs, trying to answer your questions quickly and just get the hell home. but as you figured, he had all the time in the world when it came to correcting you.
"and– the word portal is inaccurate."
you raise an eyebrow. "yeah?"
"it's a particle accelerator. you should know what that means. the goal of this project is to essentially create a passageway– a bridge, if you will– between two separate dimen–"
"so, a portal." you interrupt.
he glares at you and you swear his eye twitches.
"just wanted to know. congrats, ohnn." you say casually, before exiting out the door.
the next time he sees you, he discovers that head scientist, olivia octavius who just so happens to be fond enough of your work to hear you out when you asked her decided it would be a good idea to have you work on the project as well.
even though johnathan was still technically still ahead of you– he kicked himself for how quickly you were beginning to catch up. you flashed him a grin from your desk as you began to help out on the project– he forced one back through gritted teeth.
▸ after tirelessly working on the project together as a team still trying your very best to outdo one another he figures this feud of yours is getting nowhere.
you've both spent sleepless nights on this project you both equally cared for,, it was time to just give up and be normal coworkers. an odd conclusion for johnathan to reach as a notorious grudge holder. maybe the lack of rest was getting to him, too exhausted to even deal with you anymore. or maybe, he was satisfied where he was right now– on the verge of a huge breakthrough with him being one of the main contributors– he no longer needed the pleasure of being better than you.
"how did you even get this number?" you ask, recognizing his voice through the phone as he greeted you.
"well, funny thing actually. alchemax has all the employee information on files, so i just–"
the realization hits you. "snooped through mine to get my phone number?! you're insane!"
he's desperate to explain, just trying to get to his point without getting a headache from you. "no, no, no– wait, i didn't come to fight or anything–"
"then what do you want, johnathan? a little medal? a trophy or somethin? you're probably getting that anyways after this whole thing– so,, so– what? what is it?!" you snap.
this is the only blatant hostility you've ever shown him. both ends of the call fall silent.
"wow uh– that was a lot." he mumbles awkwardly.
"...'m sorry." the shame makes your ears burn up. it is getting childish. you can't deny it.
he blinks at his phone, before bringing it back up to his ear. "did you just apologize? have i got the right person?"
it's your turn to groan. "are you trying to get me to take it back?"
"no! no, no, no– sorry." he replies quickly, stuttering as he tries to get back on track. "i just wanted to talk...."
the words hang in the air for much longer than needed.
"just spit it out already." you inturrupt.
"we should truce." he blurts out. "you know... maybe we should calm down. start over."
johnathan pauses for a moment, waiting for a reaction from you. you give him absolutely nothing. he takes a deep breath before speaking up again.
"i just thought it'd be better this way. this is getting ridiculous. and i think we're both mature enough to move past it so–"
"no, thank you."
he falters momentarily, processing what you had just said. "i'm– i'm sorry, i think misheard you."
"no, you heard me," you repeat, your smile clear as day in your voice, "no. thank. you."
"i like what we've got going on. keeps me motivated." the sweetness in your tone makes him cringe.
"you can't be serious." he rubs the bridge of his nose, fighting off the urge to lose his mind.
"oh, but i am." you lean into your phone's mic, voice dropping to a whisper. "just give me time. i'll catch up with you eventually."
your stubborness was truly something else.
"nope. can't do this, not today, nope–"
you laugh to yourself, hearing him hang up. you secretly hoped he'd at least keep talking to you a little longer. probably just a result of being a tad sleep deprived too.
▸ the collider is almost finished. ever since the phone call, you and johnathan hadn't talked for days.
and now, there you were, at his desk.
"need a pen?" he asks, looking up at you, expecting you to bother him again.
you shake your head. "actually, i came to ask for something else. i've been thinking about what you said..."
the words catch in your throat. you stare at the ground, the humiliation of what you're about to say causing you to fidget with your hands. he's never seen you like this– timid and anxious in his presence rather than smug and confident. it's a sight that he thought would bring him joy– but he's far beyond that now. instead, he looks at you curiously, not unlike the way he observes specimens.
"go on..." he says, leaning in slightly.
you meet his gaze sheepishly. "yeah. maybe a truce doesn't sound so bad."
he smiles back, cautious but hopeful. "you mean it?"
"this isn't me surrendering." you're quick to say, though your defensiveness falls flat, only causing his smile to fade for a moment. "i'm growing bored of it. we can just move on." it's not what he had in mind– but he'll take it.
"okay. sounds... good?" he replies awkwardly, unsure of what to do.
"mhm. so, you still have my phone number, right?"
he freezes. "yes... but– um– i can just delete it from my contacts now if– if you want. that was weird of me to do. really sorry 'bout that. just wanted to talk."
"nah. keep it." you say with a slight shrug of your shoulders. he tilts his head slightly at your reaction.
"i'll text you when work's done so we can grab a coffee or somethin." there's that smile he's grown so familiar with. this time it has no undertones of aggression– something which he finds more unnerving somehow. he can't tell what you're up to.
"i– uh– what–" he stammers.
you await the rejection.
"i mean– sure... but... you want that?" he asks, his tone careful, like he expects this to just be a scheme of yours. never in a million years would he think that you'd want to actually resolve whatever conflict you had going on. much less, spend time with him outside of work.
" i mean, i just offered, didn't i?"
"right– ...so uh– after work then. okay. it's a date."
he mentally kicks himself for the last part. "i– not like– a date, date, but–"
you don't give him time to stumble over his words and make a fool of himself.
"great." you turn to leave, but glance over your shoulder before walking away. "see you later, johnny."
▸ you failed to acknowledge this earlier, and maybe he had too– but over the course of your mutual rivalry, you found that you admired him. his brain, his work, his sheer tenacity– and he admired you too.
perhaps you didn't have to be better than one another.
"here's to new beginnings." you mutter to yourself, shooting him a text while waiting at the cafe.
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pup-pee · 2 months
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jesus ive been reading this comic 4 like 5 yrs
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heres some emilio doodles bc bc idk
emi; “oh tobias! u dont have 2 b flawless 2 b perfect!”
yes im thinking about that 1 panel where tobi was just like “THATS A LIE”
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