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#but also if me triggering the gaydar for some reason
t4transsexual · 30 days
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Out of curiosity- what's the weirdest thing another trans person has told you regarding transhetness?
probably the most offensive one has to be that time someone said i would never have to worry that people wont accept my sexuality. because in my life that has not been the case lmao. like i am still TRANS so generally someone who doesnt accept homosexuality isnt gonna be thrilled with trans ppl either, like those kinds of people who are homophobic but not transphobic really only exist in terfs brains lol
and the least personally offensive one would have to be that one person who said "you cant be straight as a trans person, this push for sameness is really hurting our community" like damn rly didnt think i was gonna get called an assimmilist for like, being a heterosexual lmao my bad
also im not straight passing irl either, but i am cis passing, so whenever i bring up that im dating a girl i get to visibly watch the gears turn in peoples heads as they try to figure out how this little gay boy fucks women which is always fun
i think generally a lot of weirdness i get probably comes from the fact that for one, a lot of people view queerness and gayness as the same, and queerness and heterosexuality as opposites, and especially people in my specific generation (older gen z) and especially the cis people/recently cracked eggs rly have put emphasis on "gayness" and "being gay" and take on "being gay" as the same meaning as being queer, so when they meet someone who is queer but is explicitly NOT gay (and this is more than transhet people, this can be anyone who is queer but doesnt identify as gay, including same gender attracted people of all sorts of sexualities/genders), they really dont know what to do with us, and for two im southern and live in the south and people here are not usually very imformed about different flavors of queerness and for some people im lucky if i get them to understand that im trans at all, let alone telling them im a heterosexual, because im not exaggerating when i tell you that pretty much everyone expects me to be gay no matter the fact that i have a girlfriend and havent dated a man since 2021 lol
and heres a photo of me close up if that helps you understand why everyone thinks im gay (i really dont get it myself but)
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littlelesbianintern · 11 months
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My more in depth thoughts on Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies ep 8 (1/4?)
CYNTHIA’S COMPULSORY HETROSEXUALITY
Obviously the whole Cynthia/Shy Guy plot is to cover Cynthia’s compulsory heterosexuality and is quite natural given the time period. I think that’s probably the reason behind the dress and makeup this episode as well - as in its shows her outward desire to conform to what’s expected of her and so she tries to copy the other pink ladies.
Lydia’s “you can’t pull that off” line was really interesting to me though because throughout the series it’s already kind of been established that Cynthia and Lydia can have conversations without ever saying anything to each other out loud. So what I think that line actually directly translates into is “I don’t believe you actually like him”. And this triggers Cynthia because she did the dress, the makeup, all of which make her so uncomfortable in order to hide her true character almost like a suit of armour to protect herself but Lydia STILL sees through it and that scares her so she backs herself further into this corner by calling Shy Guy her boyfriend. And that’s why she tries it on with Shy Guy in the kitchen - almost like she’s trying to convince herself that she can like men but when it doesn’t change anything she projects this onto Shy Guy by saying he’s not a “real man”. It’s another defence mechanism, almost like she’s so sure that if he was a “real man” then she would like it so it’s not her fault. The problem is despite her feelings being valid, she hurts those around her in the process.
I also wonder if we’re seeing her story mirroring Shy Guy’s. If the show does goes down this root of Shy Guy also being queer, it would make sense as to why he seems to like Cynthia out of all the girls because of her masc/butch presentation. And why when Cynthia kisses him, he pulls away because maybe he’s realising that he actually doesn’t like her like that either. I also cant stop thinking about that short scene in ep 8 when he’s stood by the car with a few of the thespian guys (all of the thespians are queer and I will die on that hill) but it definitely looks like they’re nodding towards him - as if they kind of recognise him as queer as well (gaydar anyone?). It would be nice if the show took this root because if so, when he and Cynthia hopefully makeup, it would be cool to see some mlm/wlw solidarity.
Obviously it could also be that he’s feeling self-conscious about Cynthia’s comments - the thespian guys don’t fit into the category of stereotypical masculinity and it may be that he’s trying to figure out how to fit into that stereotype and they make him self-conscious. Shy Guy’s whole character arc seems to revolve around masculinity and how he can show that masculinity and the softness that comes more naturally to his character at the same time much like the subplot in ep 7 with his father and the boxing. So for Cynthia to say he’s not a “real man” probably cuts really deep.
I just hope we get everything between Cynthia and Shy Guy resolved in the next two episodes because I need them to go back to being besties.
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you are so right about sanzu/takuya. i wanna hear all about them! what are your hcs? I'm so curious!
First of all, thanks for this question anon, it make me so happy to know someone else like them! 💜
In case some one is curious where this comes from, here is my HaruTaku fic!
Okay, for properly answering this I think that I also need to go first with my Sanzu hc for that specific timeline, because for me is related in why they make sense! (and bc I love talking about my lil gremlin, ngl)
Sanzu headcanons for Bad Toman Takemichi TL:
Okay, obv he did wharever he could for being close to Mikey, that goes without saying. But there is two big differences with Bonten.
He's not the second in command, so he has to kinda obey Kisaki (what he hates, always giving that silent hater looks 😎). But since he never showed that "good guys toman type of morals", Kisaki allows him to be one of the fews that still sees Mikey, bc he's not going to influence him or stuff like that, Sanzu is totally fine with the darkness (he isn't bc it triggers him tl0 memories but his denial is strong xD) So his job here is mostly watching over Mikey and ofc, getting rid of traitors! No way Kisaki didn't use that once he realizes, Sanzu devotiton is too easy to control and too useful for his own good 🥲
In the other side, this means is less confident about himself than what we saw in Bonten. He's still unhinged but he's not that loud about it, he doesn't have the selfsteem boost of being his king's right hand. So in a way, he's more insecure about himself and the mission he does, since he has less control about what happens to Mikey. Also, Sanzu is a weirdo, so like happened in early Toman he doesn't properly fit with the rest, besides job related thing he doesn`t have friends there (we could count Mucho if in this timeline Izana was never on the picture, but even with that Sanzu doesn't easyly trust people). It took him more time to stop wearing his mask here and it was probably more gradual!
And what we know about Takuya?
Not much, just that he's a sweet person and a good friend. He probably followed the rest of the Mizo gang (specially Takemichi) and got caught in Toman's violence.
He wears a choker in this timeline and had and aming glow-up including some sick tattoos. Pretty boy with sumi vibes!
This is where my hc starts, there is something about Takuya that screams addiction to me. I don't know how to explain it, maybe is his dull eyes, maybe his body language, but Takuya is coping with drugs (mostly downers bc he just wants to disappear for a few hours... Takuya is a softy 🥲)
Finally... HaruTaku headcanons!
One thing about addicts is that we have a radar, we know when someone else is an addict (similar to gaydar but more selfdestructive). So Sanzu probably started noticing the subtle changes in Takuya and he was intrigue about it. Specially coming from someone that was always surrounded by people he dispised. They never really interacted before, but Sanzu started paying more attention to Takuya, noticing more things about him, like how Takuya was actually shy and sweet behind that quiet appearence. And yeah, maybe a part of him felt indentified with that, he could understand having to act quiet to hide yourself better than anyone. For some reason, Sanzu started thinking that maybe they have more in common that it seems at first sight, and we all know he can be a little bit obsessive, so...
At some point, Sanzu aproached to Takuya. He probably created a situation when it could feel almost natural, I personally picture him waiting until Takuya is having some drinks alone (no way he's gonna talk with the other idiots if he can avoid it) and sitting next to him, paying the next round.
Takuya was probably intimidated, with reasons. But at the same time, he was drunk and high and Sanzu is pretty, so damn pretty! So he couldn't and wouldn't resist, it was easy for him to feel flatered by Sanzu's awkward way of flirting (c'mon, he doesn't have social skills, we all know that). And Sanzu? He just told to himself that he was curious, nothing more. Just one night for satisfying his curiosity, that was all. For understanding why on earth he felt that weird attraction towards Takuya.
OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T ONE NIGHT! 🔥
Mix two pretty boys that are craving for love and affection and a lot of drugs? Recipy for disaster and unhealthy relationship, yey!
The fact Takuya is a submissive person who is numbed by the drugs most of the time and Sanzu has a lot of pent-up agression and is usually high of a mix that includes more estimulants than what Takuya is doing, only leads to unsafe sex where no-one is controlling shit or in the proper state of mind to be aware of how dangerous is what they are doing. What means a lot of next day regrets! 🎉 (extra: Sanzu has a kink with Takuya's neck and is obsessed with the choker, he calls him "pretty neck" on bed. Takuya weakness is Sanzu in high-heels, specially if they are red, I'm not projecting at all on that one, nopes 👀).
Besides sex, there is more to say about their dynamic, don't worry!
Takuya is the type to be sweet and caring, he hides that side of himself inside of Toman but still shows it in his personal life. It wasn't easy for him to feel relaxed around Sanzu and he was afraid of showing his kindness and being mock by the other. But for me Takuya is also an observing person, so I think it didn't took him a long time to realized how wounded is Sanzu, how he actually hates being in his own mind more than anything, how much he craves love, aproval, affection. So he started showing more of his loving side, having small gestures towards the other, always in private. Physical displays of affection in general, but also waking him with coffee, paying attention to his needs or his routine, making sure he felt comfortable even when they slept in Takuya's apartment (that now is always extremely clean only for Sanzu)
And Sanzu? He was melting with all of this. Well, to be fair at the beginning he was baffled, unsure or what to do or how react to someone showing him affection and kindnes, specially since Takuya didn't seem to be expecting anything in return. But once he finally understood it was fine to let Takuya spoil him and treat him like he actually deserved love... Then he was melting. Wakui said Sanzu is the most needy/clingy, so he started to be the one asking (demanding) for affection, wanting to be pampered, resting his head on Takuya's lap and enjoying how he plays with his hair (that's a privilege, he's really protective of his glorious pink hair! It's totally baji's fault)
Do they love each other? Well, that's complicated. Their relationship is not exactly public and they never talked about what it is, always pretending is something casual. It's easier like that (no it's not but they are bad at feelings). Takuya is aware that he's falling more for Sanzu every day, but he's terrified of the other reaction if he actually says the three words, so he hides it. Or tries to, because he pours this love in every small gesture, specially during their lazy mornings, when between the hangover and the guilt Sanzu acts a lot softer, wanting to give Takuya all the after-care he's able to dom
And Sanzu... Well, he wouldn't say he loves loves Takuya (because Mikey exists 😮‍💨), but he admits to himself that he deeply cares about the other. That there is more than atraction, that he enjoys their time together. Affection? A less obsessive love than what he feels for Mikey? He isn't sure and he can't deal with it, so he settles with caring.
Of course, we also need to talk about Mikey's ghost! Sanzu knows Takuya is not Mikey, is not that he's projecting him on the other all the time, it's just... He yearns for Mikey, he can't help it. So, sometimes, Takuya's blond locks make him feel that longing and he can't stop himself to imagine for a few seconds (delusional HaruMai in every timeline, hell yeah!🔥). In counted ocasions, when he's really high and out of himself, he says Mikey's name during sex and pretends to not remember the next morning because he feels too ashamed of it. He remembers more than he wishes, but he feels like shit and can't talk about that, he can't avoid feeling guilty, thinking that Takuya deserves better, deserves somone that is not using him as a replacement. Takuya understanding only adds more fuel to his guilt.
In that ocasions he tends to act distant for a few days, trying to dettach himself, to pretend he doesn't miss Takuya's affection. Until reality comes crushing down on him again and he ends up looking for Takuya, knocking at his door in the middle of the night.
Takuya felt hurt the first few times this cycle happened, but he didn't had the courage to actually confront Sanzu about it. Until one of that nights he saw how broken was Sanzu, he saw a little bit of the pain that the other usually hides from the rest of the world. It was the first Sanzu cried infront of him and the first time he called him "Haruchiyo", earning a surprised look and a weak smile 🥹
Since then, when Sanzu acts like that Takuya gives him space, understanding is not about him, that the other is fighting with his personal demonds.
And... That's it for now because I need to stop myself at some point or this will end up being longer than a fic. Maybe I will add more things in the future! 🙈
And hey, now that I look at it, they are not that terrible for each other if it wasn't for the amount of drugs and the dangerous sex. But hey, there is also love and sweetness and Sanzu needs that, so... Not that bad? 👀
I almost forgot! @lucifugousart is the amazing artist that did a Takuya fanart and is cooking something even better!
(feel free to add your own hc too, Andre! HaruTaku is a collaborative ship 😌)
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theboywiththewaves · 9 months
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Travel Diary Entry #4 - Power Gays (Indian Edition)
In many places across the world, there is a class of elite gay men that live decadent lives filled with leisure and luxury (all thoroughly documented on their socials). In countries like the United States, they often come from the upper rungs of the corporate, legal, and entertainment worlds. In Europe, they come from those worlds as well as the remnants of certain aristocratic/noble families. They grow up attending elite schools and vacationing in luxurious locations around the world, often with large groups of friends (my god - the sheer number of group pictures featuring yachts in the Greek islands!) . They also cut fat checks for political campaigns and wield a great deal of political power. These are called the power gays.
Call me naive, but I hadn't considered that this phenomenon would also occur in India until recently.
I was scrolling through my feed one day and noticed a group of very good looking young people from India dressed in immaculately tailored outfits eating in what looked like a palace courtyard in Rajasthan. One of these men triggered my gaydar and I did what one does on social media and stalked the shit out of his account. Through him - I discovered the not-so-hidden world of the Indian power gays.
Like their western counterparts, these men come from unfathomable wealth accrued by their families over generations. They hail from industrialist, entertainment, and royal backgrounds mostly in the North of the country (South India operates differently. The culture shuns ostentatious behavior so I'm not aware if there is a parallel scene here or not).
What surprises me about the Indian power gays and the reason behind this entire post is just how much their privilege allows them to live in an almost alternate universe. While they don't refer to their boyfriends as boyfriends publicly, they don't really try to hide their relationships all that much. They pose in couple pictures, have shared accounts for their pets, and openly salivate over shirtless pictures of each other. None of this is a complaint - it's just odd when you juxtapose it against the extreme conservatism of Indian culture. In my previous post, you can see just how closeted and hidden most gay men are here. There's no such thing for these power gays. They aren't headless torsos or catfish profiles on Grindr. It makes me wonder why the culture at large remains so conservative when the tastemakers at the top live such liberated lives.
Discovering these men also triggered some strange feelings for myself. I found myself lusting over both the men and their lifestyles. I even considered pulling some strings so that I could be introduced to one of them. But here's the thing - what the fuck would I even say to these people? What would we even have in common? And does it make sense for someone who believes in the redistribution of wealth for a more equitable and just world to chase this lifestyle?
The answer to all these questions is obviously no. So basically - I'm writing all of this out to tell myself "hey this in interesting. You didn't know this world existed and now you do. But it's not you and not what you want - so stop comparing and just move forward."
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atxlxs · 3 years
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Beyond The Veil: Chapter 7
(This chapter is going to be a bit shorter this time but the next will be back to the usual length! I wanted the suspense of ending it where I did >:) )
As Muska watched, her classmates flooded in from the locker rooms.
First of all, that is a fuckin robot. Robocop was starting to fit more and more. Next, Yoyo was looking anxious as all hell and was scrunching into herself. Probably due to all of the skin showing at the moment.
Muska cringed a bit at that. She had seen her quirk in action the other day so she knew that skin was needed, but wearing clothes you were uncomfortable in was a great way to enhance body dysmorphia and anxiety in all the bad ways. Clothing was supposed to empower you, not make you cage up.
Midoriya and his absolutely horrible bunny costume hood, it looked like those bad leather kink memes Eras would send her at 4 in the morning from the pre-quirk era, came bouncing over with stars in his eyes. Uraraka not far behind.
“Wow! Viridis, you look so cool!” Midoriya cheerfully stated, the bounce never disappearing. That was kinda adorable. Honestly what a cinnamon roll.
“Yea!” Uraraka commented, drawing Muska’s attention to her, “Its so fashionable while still staying practical! The witch aesthetic is also unique in the best of ways!”
How did snarky and sarcastic Muska manage to make friends like this, all sunshine and smiles, when she had a resting bitch face and would not hesitate to stomp a bitch?
“Thanks, my friend designed it for me along with my gear,” She started, motioning to the visible whip and brass knuckles that were stylishly black with white accents, “Yours too, I like the space vibes. Midoriya looks like a bunny.”
“He does!” “Wha-!”
Uraraka giggled while strawberry-midoriya made an appearance. Before they could tease him too much though, All Might(?) called their attention in order to start the lesson.
The battle trials were team based and the teams were picked through a drawing, much to Robocops chagrin, Pairing Mido up with her. Uraraka managed to pair with Yoyo and it looked like a soon to become girl boss team. Their opponents seemed to agree considering the gay panic coming off of Jirou and the bisexual disaster that was a Kaminari was barely keeping himself from short circuiting.
Her gaydar was sharp but the fact that she could tell what emotions they were feeling helped too.
Muska’s team was called and she followed Mido out to the city scape and stopped in front of the building that they would soon throw down in. Worryingly, ever since the announcement of the teams and their enemies, Mido has been an anxious mess. He was verging on panic and that was not good. Before Muska could ask though, Greenie opened his mouth.
“So I went to school with Kacchan,” and wasn’t that worrisome considering that the greenie was practically vibrating out of their suit right now, “and he will definitely come after me first. He doesn’t work with others well,” -an understatement really- “and will probably leave Iida to guard the bomb.”
It took a second to remember who Iida was before it clicked. Considering Muska hadn’t bothered to remember the annoying blue teens name. Mido was about to say more but Muska cut him off.
“Alright, I bet you and your self sacrificial tendencies will say you're going to go after him alone despite not having a handle on your quirk that’s good enough to not break bones.” yes, she was calling the green bean out.
Considering the shocked expression she got in return, she was right on the money. Sighing while dragging a hand down her face in exasperation, silently debating on whether this is what Eras felt every time she did something dumb as fuck, Muska shook her head and stared at Midoriya. Decidedly not impressed by the greenie’s idea.
“Yea no. First of all, I won’t fight you about this since you look like you’ll retaliate with bad reasons until I agree, but I will be nearby on standby. It's better to go ahead with two against one to quickly end the fight. Secondly, after we subdue Blasty we’ll go ahead and get Robocop. My quirk, which I’ve already explained, will be great to counteract someone that just moves fast.”
The fight slowly drained from Midoriya’s eyes under her glare and silently he nodded. Though, there was less tension in his shoulders and he wasn’t as vibraty as before so she’ll count that as a win. God, she was going to have to talk some sense into Blasty using authoritarian force at some point… wasn’t she? Curse her luck.
An alarm sounded along with All Might's voice booming through their given headpieces, telling them “The Fight Has Started!” with enthusiastic energy.
Well, as long as they stick to the strategy they should be fine. At worst she would just have to fix some bones before passing Mido off to Recovery Girl while also talking to the heroine herself for medical lessons.
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Whoever cleared a very angry Pomeranian to carry fucking BOMBS on his arms was going to feel Muska’s eternal wrath.
The fight started easily. They walked together silently up the stairs and through the hallways, navigating the building and checking all the doors for possible bomb locations. Sure enough, as greenie predicted, the angry Pompom boy could be heard before he was seen. Angry shouts of “DEKU!” reverberated through the hallways and the telltale sign of quirk use through explosive sounds guaranteed it.
Muska caught Midoriya’s eyes and raised an eyebrow. Nonplussed at the anger issues coming off the blond in waves.She couldn’t really judge the anger issues though, plus that seemed like a childhood problem that therapy could probably help. Midoriya sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck before they were forced to turn their attention to the angry pomeranian.
“Deku…” Bakugo started, his agitation clear in the venom the words were spat with. Subtly, Muska felt for his emotions and was decidedly not going to deal with whatever that was.
The explosive blond was angry, that's for sure, but there was also confusion and guilt. The guilt was triggered by the anger, which then made the blond more angry because he either didn��t want to continue to feel guilty or didn’t want to be doing what was making him feel guilty which was frustrating. Which made him angry again. It was a violent circle of emotions that was complex as all hell what the actual fu-
Muska’s thoughts were cut off as Midoriya and Bakugo lunged at each other, Mido dodging and Bakugo exploding empty air before dodging Mido’s retaliation. Blood thirsty punches were exchanged as Midoriya’s shoulder held tension and eyes held determination.
Muska hid around the corner of the hallway, observing silently for an opening. The beat down was verging on brutal and by the look on the blonds face, he wanted it that way.
She unlatched her whip from her belt and loosened its coiled up state. Gripping the handle, she turned back to watch just as Midoriya body slammed Bakugo into the ground. Backing up a bit to hold a fight stance. Breath coming haggard from exhaustion. The slam seemed to empty Bakugo’s lungs as he gasped for air.
Muska rushed in, dragging the capture tap out of her pocket and binding Bakugo’s hands together as he attempted to get up. He shouted angry curses at her, his face holding an almost feral anger to it. Muska actually stepped back at that slightly. Something seemed off.
She stepped away slowly and when she began to believe he was captured, All Might’s declaration of so calmed some nerves, she turned to Midoriya who was staring at his hands like he had never seen them before. Disbelief conveyed through his expression. Muska brought up a hand to wave in front of his face when she heard All Might yell through the headphones.
“BAKUGO DON’T! YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN INCAPACITAT-” The teachers shouting was cut off by the sound of metal clinking together.
Muska whipped around with wide eyes. Bakugo was standing, hands that used to be restrained were aimed in her direction and one was settled on the pin of a gauntlet, anger radiated off of him as his mind refused to acknowledge any of the other emotions she could feel through the energy surrounding him.
“Fuck you DEKU and YOU! I Wouldn’t have been captured if it weren’t for your fuckin interruption!” He screamed, eyes clouded a bit as he lost control.
Muska went to move but felt frozen to the ground by the all consuming anger she felt, Midoriya moved first. Grabbing her and starting to move himself. All Might's warning lost to the wind as the tell tale clink of a pin being removed seemed to echo in the near silent hall.
“They won’t die if they manage to dodge!” was the last thing she heard before a blast rendered her hearing to nothing but ringing and pain.
Burning pain.
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Tags:
@baguettehead
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A Hierarchy of Tops
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What the actual hell, y’all? Nothing to see here, except Katherine Hepburn giving us all the look that makes our collective gay insides instantly clench up then immediately liquefy.  
What is that gut incinerating reaction? I can’t say for sure, but I have been thinking about it a lot, and I’m going to offer 3 possible suggestions:
Attraction (obviously). 
But there are many levels to attraction. There’s like a woman walks by and turns your head attraction, or A-list celebrity beautiful-person attraction, and then there’s THIS. This feeling I’m talking about goes so far beyond the “you’re attractive” sort of attraction to like “laws of physics” sort of attraction. The kind of attraction that registers not just inside your core but also psyche. 
It messes with my head in ways that have turned me around ever since I was old enough to be aware of such things, and I’ve come to sum it up as “The great queer question.”
Do I want to be with you, or do I want to be you?
It’s hard when you’re young (or even not so young) and you’re hungry for role models, but also thirsty for something else. And the whole issue gets complicated by the way those two feelings register in similar places of your body. The first time you see a woman step into full ownership of her God-given gift of giving zero fucks for conformity it lights a fire in the deepest regions of your gut. And as the warmth spreads outward from that low guttural place it can cause things to heat up in areas right below your core, too. You know the ones I mean, right? Those body parts are very close together, sometimes it’s hard to separate the two types of attraction. 
And I’ve made peace with that, the not always knowing which came first, or which takes precedent, because ultimately it doesn’t matter.  As fun as it can be (and by fun, I clearly mean disorienting) to try to figure out if I want to be with someone or be like someone, I am non-binary enough to realize the answer can be, and often is:
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Attraction and aspiration are both cool, they’re both fluid, and they totally intersect. I’m comfortable with that. I’m more than comfortable with it. I dig it. 
So if there’s no great conflict around attraction, why should that photo of ole K. Hep and her butchly furrowed brow still make my tummy so. damn. squimbly? Could it be something deeper than attraction? Something more complex? Something more elemental? Something like...
Recognition. 
You see, over the last few years I’ve gotten into the concept of ancestral echoes, or the idea that memories and the knowledge that comes from them can be passed down through our DNA. That you can, on some level, know  about things you’ve never experienced for yourself, and you can recognize the same sort of knowledge in other people.
Example: Folks way back up my family tree were sea-faring explorers. It’s been like 15 generations and I am super susceptible to sea sickness, but I am still so drawn to boats and the ocean. Not just like I find them pretty, but like I’m freaking Moana or something.  There’s a pull there that goes beyond all reason and logic. I know that if I get on a sailboat there’s decent chance I am going to lose my lunch, but I can’t stay away.  Even as I go green in the gills and my stomach does summersaults a part of me is still like:
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I feel the same inexplicable connection when I look at that picture of Katherine Hepburn. There is a gay DNA level kind of recognition. A big queer ancestral echo. Whatever part of me that makes me gay senses its mirror in her.
Now I don’t know what part of me that is, nor what part of her trips that recognition trigger for me. The insolent stare? The turn of the mouth? Those gay AF eyebrows? 
I’m not sure, but I feel certain it would exist even if I didn’t know the words gay or DNA. Something queer in me honors something queer in her. It’s inborn, liike gaydar on steroids boiled down to its most primal level. It runs through the generations on double helix rainbows. It vibrates across my chromosomes humming through the lowest, most animal regions of my brain. 
I know you. 
We are the same. Whatever this thing is, it builds an unbreakable bond. A shared ..something. Brotherhood is too gendered. Personhood too vague.  A queersterhood. A ... wait for it ... Listerhood?
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You didn’t really think I’d make it through this gay ass therapy session without her did you?
Well I didn’t, because I can’t. I am physically incapable of looking away from this paragon of queer top perfection.  And while I get that this is exactly the point where I should be able to tie this post up neatly on some note about our  foremothers of the past living on through our legacy, that’s not going to happen.
As much as I would like to have some spiritual or academic conclusion for the things I feel when I see this, I don’t.
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Nothing about my reaction is academic, or hypothetical or high minded. 
I’ve looked these photos it so many times, trying to figure out what is bigger than attraction and deeper than recognition, and there’s only one word that comes close to capturing the experience for me:
Reckoning.
Reckoning involves looking something in the eye and taking stock of it and you at the same time. It involves taking weight and measures, taking inventory of your totality, and checking receipts on the things both utterly unquantifiable and yet indisputable. 
And when I look at those women, I am forced to reckon with a fundamental truth:
They are better tops than me.
Katherine Hepburn is a better top than me.  Ann Lister (as played by Suranne Jones) is a better top than me.  There’s no way around it.
No matter how much I like to think I have some natural predication for topness, they have more. Clearly.
Sometimes you look at someone and you just know they know things. Things you are desperate to know. They possess a command and understanding you do not possess. They have skills you can only, and probably only ever will, aspire to.
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I am not ashamed to admit it. It’s just the natural order of things. Did Joe DiMaggio feel shame at not being Babe Ruth? Or for you non-sportsball people, does Lizzo feel ashamed for not being Aretha Franklin? I hope not. There’s no shame in having your greatness fall just below that of divine master. Not everyone can be the GOAT. I’m okay with that. It’s not a competition. I don’t need to best anyone.
But I do need to make peace with that reckoning in other ways. Like a wolf who just met the new pack leader, or pirate captain whose ship just got overrun, there’s a new world older that must be acknowledged in those moments. There is a hierarchy of tops and topness, and it’s just been indisputably altered.
I am not the top top, not even in my own mind. I can’t ignore it, I am the one who acknowledged it in the first place. I could run from it. At least in theory. I could look away, close my eyes, or banish those understandings to vast reaches of the unfollowed internet, but I am not a coward. 
As fluid as I am, and as secure as I am in who I am, I can feel gratitude at the the opportunity to look upon greatness.  To indulge my awe. To relish my vast appreciation of the most transcendent of beings.  
And then, of course, as is only right, I feel compelled to roll over. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone could feel compelled to do anything other than roll over when they look at that picture.  That is the great tremble in my gut: it is all the scripts being flipped. 
Does that make me a lesser top? Maybe. Does that make me a bottom? Perhaps sometimes. Does that bother me?
Not at all.
Cause really, what’s the use of recognizing a hierarchy to tops, if you don’t intend to enjoy every possible aspect of your own position on that spectrum?
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geejaysmith · 5 years
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Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.
Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went
Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)
Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers
Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck
Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious
Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death
Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"
Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough
Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No
Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh
Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"
Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts
Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps
Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl
Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense
Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations
Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h  g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition
Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me
Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off
Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else
Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about
Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages
Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.
Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad
Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."
Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo
============
Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake
Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did
Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.
Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair
Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case
Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still
Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates
Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes
Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes
Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski
Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought
Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules
Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)
Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide
Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented
Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her
Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec
Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space
Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him
Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp  human sexuality nuances
Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)
Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'
Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.
Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN
Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.
Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.
Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions
Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama
Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time
Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay
Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.
Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in
Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that
Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family
Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them
Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night
Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience
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mars-ipan · 4 years
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ok real quick? i never understood why people are exclusionists. why are you against neopronouns, aspec people, trans folks in general, bi/pan/poly/omni people, etc.? so what if it “proves homophobes right?” they’re gonna commit hate crimes regardless of what we do unless we crack down on it. whatever we do isn’t gonna have an effect on them. why do you care about the pronouns another person uses, particularly neopronouns? yeah they can be tough to learn, i understand, but if you need help you can just look up websites to practice or better yet, ask the person using those pronouns and they’ll gladly help??
why are people deciding if other people are “trans enough?” your being trans isn’t my business, and their being trans isn’t yours, either. and yes, some people transition and regret it. but that doesn’t mean being trans needs these big rules, it just means we need to stop encouraging immediate transition but instead encourage healthy gender exploration. like, i wondered if i was a demigirl due to the slight disconnect i feel from gender as a whole. you know what i did? i researched, and tried she/they pronouns. and while i learned that no, i am definitely a female and nothing more, i also learned a lot about being nonbinary, which helped me be a better ally. why? because i was around people who taught me how to healthily experiment. let’s do that? please? also like. don’t misgender people even if you doubt their transness. if you misgender someone intentionally fuck you. nothing else to be said about it. don’t do things terfs do, guys. you’re not protecting trans folk, you’re harming your own people.
why do people think aspec people are bad?? what did they do???? they’re just vibing who gives a shit if they don’t need sex or romance, or if they have to know someone well to want it. as a pan person and also a romantic person, good on them! that shit is tiring and confusing and if they don’t need it then cool! they have extra time to spend not worrying about it, and from what i’ve seen a lot of them spend that time cooking. that’s great! leave aspec people alone they’re literally just making food. you sound like you got rejected and just never stopped being salty. that puts you on par with a cishet dude who hates lesbians because one he’s attracted to won’t make an exception for him. shut the fuck up. oh and aspec people aren’t prudes. they just don’t feel attraction. this isn’t to say aspec people can’t have a high sex drive! attraction (or lack thereof) and horny do not have to be the same that’s not how things work. oh and stop saying they’re inhuman or broken or some shit. no they’re fucking not. plenty of people who feel attraction don’t want kids, and guess what? this isn’t fucking caveman times. we don’t really need everyone to directly pass on their lineage or really want to. gay couples do these things called adoption or surrogation if they want kids. ace people can do that too. wow. who knew. stop being an asshole and Let Aspecs Vibe.
on a similar note, bi/pan/poly/omni folk! what the hell did we do?????? we’re “hetero passing????” what even is that???? hey dumbasses everyone is hetero passing if they’re not in a relationship because we live in a world where people expect each other to be heterosexual. sometimes even people in Clear Homosexual Relationships get asked if they’re siblings or some shit. i’ve seen women post about their homo marriages and get comments like “awww besties! having your wedding on the same day as your best friend is such goals!” a lot of people have horrible gaydars (also that erases straight trans people who are btw lgbt it is in the name). we’re not gonna cheat on you or leave you. this one confuses me. how do you think we see people??? as food?? we don’t like. get sick of something and decide to switch over to something else. our whole thing is that generally we don’t really give a shit about your gender???? like it’s not really a factor? some of us have differing standards for different genders but like. overall it’s not that important?? so why do you think we’d get “tired of vagina” or “miss dick” or some shit??? that feels vaguely transphobic. why is it always about sex?? which leads me to my next question. how the hell did “you want attention/you’re a whore” become a thing???? bitch what??? say you’re a gay dude. do you want to fuck literally every man you see? “no, of course not?” huh, funny, since you seem to think that’s how attraction works. we still have fucking standards, same as almost everyone else. and even if we didn’t, then what? who gives a shit? it’s 2020 man why are we still slutshaming? some people are horny stop fucking caring. oh and also stop pitting bi/pan/poly/omni people against each other!!! what the hell!!! why is that a thing??? we should be loving each other guys!! everyone has their own definitions of labels and reasons why they use them. pan people, stop calling all bi people transphobes. they’re not. bi people, stop calling all pan people biphobic (but also bisexual at the same time??? ig they think it’s internalized?). we’re not. and let’s not erase polysexual (not to be confused with polyamourous) or omnisexual people. they’re here too and they are just as valid as us. we should be filled with solidarity and appreciation for each other, not hate and spite. there’s not a competition to be the one sole label that means “i’m interested in multiple genders,” literally just pick what you’re comfy with and respect other people. sorry this one is longer i just have more experience dealing with shit like this
in conclusion, why the fuck are our own people attacking us??? i can understand if the word “queer” is a trigger word for some seeing as it is used as a slur, so with that one we literally just let people use it if they want to and don’t force it on anyone who doesn’t want to. bam problem solved. however, why are trans people who don’t fit a perfect mold a problem? why are aspecs a problem? why are bi/poly/pan/omni people a problem? what the fuck? every group i’ve talked about has been here since day one, by the way. we aren’t new. if you’re an exclusionist i want you to please not interact with me, i’m tired and just as my points probably didn’t change your mind, your points will not change mine. dear god can we please just let people be stop giving a shit a label is something we use to feel comfortable go away
TL;DR: stop fighting each other and instead respect each other. we’re a family and we should love each other. also exclusionists don’t interact
cishets can totally reblog this btw! just don’t clown please and thank you
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fishblurrrr · 7 years
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#ThingsToTellMyEx
 I’ve seen a shamisen in a bluegrass band, but our isolation era will be closed to trade for 11 more years.  For this time, please enjoy Martin Scorsese’s Silence.
* Ed’s married.  He never got sloppy seconds from all your girlfriends.  Not this one.   * Our middle school band director cannot possibly be dead.  I saw him at ROMP unless it was his ghost.  Couldn’t say hi because of inhibiting company of parents and impracticality of wheelchairs on outdoor ground. 
Beet Boy, we’re not riding again.
I did some degree of every item on your to do list for reciprocation from you and you rewarded me with three years of rejection, one more thing-ing, and bringing other women to judge me as competition. Money was exchanged at two points. IMDB credits and overbooking opportunities mostly.  Gobstoppers until you treat me as a human deserving of human equanimity and compassion.  
If you want someone to know you’re angry, call off your teen girl squad already and come in person to a semi-private space such as by Twitter DM or Tumblr question.  Tumblr questions are anonymous when you check the box for anonymity.  I do love answering these if you wonder about what our current social feeling is.
If you need an answer today you must come via Twitter.  If I don’t have an answer for you today we arrange a deadline at the end of next week to air feelings that have been worked out privately during the week. If we worked them out by ourselves, we take tea together to enjoy each other’s company.  If it still can’t be solved, more space to work out emotions is likely beneficial.
Many and divers attempts to guess what the hell you would want to settle are below in the read more link.  Be safe out there, Tiger.  
The Tiger play platonic rule:  Tigers are sort of sexy.  But transmogrification is for asexual play around children.  You deserve the good chemicals those babies put out for your happiness levels.  Kids and animals deserve safety and support while they are being pleasant signs of life and need of love.  I know you will be safe around children because I don’t want to increase the amount of space between you and children.  I don’t want it to ever come to that point and I have faith that it won’t.
I also have faith you believe alcohol is wasted time and tastes like an antiseptic solution.  60% of people who live with depression self medicate with alcohol.  You can replace that behavior with an addiction that gets you money and friends.  More on this below and in the Habits: the Power of Routine book.
  Routine doesn’t always kill you.  Some routines save you.  I am always available online to talk to you about routines you have tried and adventures you have avoided. Anyone who hurts you has pain making them thrash around like an animal in a snare.  You have a choice whether to put it out of its misery, or stop using traps.  That’s called ENTRAPMENT.  It is illegal in my country.   Settling anger: 1. Deal with your emotions.  That’s on you.  Bringing bombs to the other person doesn’t destroy THEM, it destroys your chance of bringing them over to your way of thinking. 2. You have 24 hrs to tell them CALMLY you are angry.  Don’t do it if you’re crying or rage quitting Twitter, but don’t let it go more than a day either. 3. When you tell them you are angry, don’t make fun or call them names.  That’s a bomb.  LABELS are not SOLUTIONS.  LABELS are BOMBS that ruin everyone’s day.  We were enjoying a nice movie THAT WAS NOT ABOUT YOU. 4. Ask for a parley.  Don’t let them settle it just then; schedule å time and place about 5-7 days off and tell them to think about their own feelings and needs until then.  No more fighting.  CEASE FIRE.  Just, “Why am I angry?”  “When I wanted to kill the man, what was he doing? What was I doing?  Would I let someone say or do what I said or did? What would my response to me be?  What was the moment the bomb went off, conversationally speaking?”  Why do you have pain, but more importantly, why does your enemy have pain? 5. At the end of the standdown, calmly say what you figured out.  Start with THEIR pain in the form of a question.  “Was it *I* who forcibly inserted sporks into your rectum??? I’ve been hearing a lot about them from you and was just wondering if you had a new obsession or if I maybe let my coworkers in on the stuff you did before that is causing me to lose money, time, and self esteem.” 
6. You are in pain! Tell them you are in pain!  This is the point when you stop making rectum jokes and put away the sharp things in a metal box because someone could get hurt and this is YOUR pain we are talking about here.  Not some trivial seasonal affective spork-in-rectum pain, but YOUR LIEF WILL NEVER BE HAPPY BECAUSE I STILL AM FAIREST PRINCESS IN WACKYLAND.   7.  It’s now time to sort out the quantifiable actions that can make each person happy.  YOU are suffering, and you know where to get the pain pill, and you’ll take it but you need their help to remind you to keep taking it.  You care enough to stop triggering their pain, but they have to stop triggering yours if they want a happy ending. 8. My spork in rectum talk is way out of line and inappropriate.  I apologize for my word choices.  Please save your questions about my sexual identity until the end of time.  You are not acting like one who wants to date me.  Yet, I am sorry to have spoken hastily and offended you.  Unless it was fair and constructive criticism to the opposition who keeps throwing noise into my stories and work time.
-- Conflict resolution process by Thich Nhat Hanh.  From Anger: Wisdom For Cooling the Flames Not that kind of happy ending, Beet Boy.
Parakeets make great walkie talkies.
T. Berry Brazelton’s Touchpoints is the only baby book worth its salt because it tells you how they think. This method works and explains what they’re doing until age four when their personality gels and you can reason with them more. More is likely not always for boys but really is always for most girls.
Wheelchairs are sometimes, not always.
I’m an aunt who has stage mother plans for her nephew.
If you want to be a parent but not so much, borrow a dog.
Protests are about blocking the streets and stating the consequences via musical mantra, not about throwing bricks at cops.  But I know you’re not that dumb. If you want @MeAmMyShadow to read the news, follow her and RT her tweet pleasing kthnx =^_^= If you’re an ex, this could be a way of signing off on this post as a friendship contract.
Happiness is NOT a warm gun. The best thing Kurt Kobain ever did was pose with a kitten on his chest without flipping off the camera.
Don’t take my picture while I’m throwing up.  And if you do, don’t post it to the internet. Kay? THEENX.  A child is an extension of her parent into the future and her parent is an extension of the child into the past, to paraphrase Thich Nhat Hanh. Please don’t need someone else to tell you when to stop.  Look her in the eyes and read her expression about your joke.
The Johnny Depp mural should show him as Willy Wonka but that wouldn’t sell as many of Andrea’s Candies.  Still haven’t caught a Pokémon there.
If we’re going to be friends we need a friendship contract. In WRITING. AGREED TO BY ALL PARTIES. The doom song from Invader Zim may be sung in every room of your house.  Your Doom is in every room.
I am not mad at you or your spouse but don’t want to meet my ex’s spouse and baby until I am happily married.  I can’t afford a baby gift right now but would like to befriend him when he is older. A friendship contract is needed so there are no mixed signals.  It must be agreeable to all parties undersigned.
If a friendship contract is reached we will start a multi-family band at the end of the isolation era.
I apostatize one of you. The other was reframed.
Apostatizing is for the people.  Faith is a private practice not to be compromised.
Phil was DOA.  Questions regarding his sexual identity remain unanswered.  The transmogrified tigers will savagely maul anyone who continues to attempt to out him or choose the time of his coming out via their overly curious gaydar.
(Phil is an atmospheric phenomenon not unlike a lenticular cloud.  He sees the world from both sides now.  Other people see a mermaid, or their own shadow puppet hands or anomalisa.)
(From the great beyond Phil sends me Twitter followers who are into MMA and pro wrestling.  You don’t know Phil, y’all.  You never will.  We haven’t spoken in some time but I’ll never forget Phil.  He was my security blanket and he kept me safe at night.  He never took excessive liberties with me and wouldn’t let anyone else either.  His jokes were kinda stale but he had an charismatic integrity enviable by all.)
Baby I’m in the Mood For You is an Odetta cover of a Bob Dylan song about an abusive relationship.  I believe it means that there are extenuating circumstances to the abuse.  If you only knew our different normal we’re living, you wouldn’t be adding more stress to our lives.
Sometimes a song is just a song.  If a mantra is hurting you change the mantra or change the station. Or turn on the Mexican Radio and watch some wrestling geckos.
Jamaican dancehall keeps me happy and makes me feel empowered.  It’s the most impersonal fuckyou card one may send.  
Fuckyou cards are not meant to be received but if they actually are, I have as many nerves left as a dulcimer has strings.  Consider your next words and my reactions to them to the count of ten before adding more fuel to the fire.
My church was a stop on the underground raliroad. People should know of this.  I don’t remember who I am referencing in the sentence prior to this one.
I play ukulele and write poetry now but just whistle at the birds mostly.
Wedding gifts stress me out.  I don’t want them to be a condition of the isolation era.  Family first, friends one day.  Baby gifts can turn into DIY or otaku crafts.
I do not work with or for people who have feelings for me without a professional contract in writing.  If you are married and take me on just for feelings with no repayment I will run so far away we will always have the International Dateline between us.
An A-B conversation is an A-B conversation unless C would feel hurt by what’s going on.  A or B if not both know when C should be there.  If C has to be there all the time it’s an A-B-C conversation.  C can and should request A-B-C conversations when evidence is elsewhere that C is getting hurt.
The whole goddamned alphabet is not an A-B, A-C, or A-B-C conversation.  C-Q conversations can C-U-R their way out of A-B-C conversations until A-B and A-C conversations are healthy and positive again. When grade Zs want to know nun-yuh-bizness, there are standup specials on Netflix.  They will want the best details of what the comedian is up to.  I don’t care about your rape jokes; Jim Gaffigan is being buried in a steakhouse. Your mother is not in the conversational alphabet. She can just go love herself. I mean this from the bottom of my anhedonic heart. Maybe sleep will help.
For anyone scared or afraid, let’s get real about rape.
There is a whole Reddit thread about rapists and it contains men confused about what consent is, or who live with depression and are more depressed after it happens.  Some feminists are angry because the sympathy about depression in the thread looks like being a rape apologist.  
I’m going to look at this complexity of situation at the risk of looking like an apologist.  I’m not a rape apologist-- rape is a thing which should never, ever be.  You and your date deserve better.  But if you and your date don’t understand your triggers a complicated maze of morals and ethics may be found and we don’t want a snap judgement to ruin anyone’s life.
Depressed people may or may not be rapists.  Men may or may not be abuse victims.  There is a spectrum of graduated response to determining if someone is a sex offender, whether you can settle it yourself, whether to end the relationship, whether there should be legal consequences.   1.  Get yourself to safety.  No relationship is as important as you being physically and emotionally safe. 2. Get your head checked before you report.  Don’t report from the emergency room when you’re in pain. 3.  Do get yourself checked out physically.  You may need Plan B.  You don’t want to get infected anywhere moist and sensitive. 4.  Deal with the emotions, then decide the relationship, then estimate the outcomes for both you and the other person, AND THE RISK FOR OTHER PEOPLE, RATIONALLY NOT ANXIOUSLY, then report. 5.  You can’t stay in a pattern that is damaging to you, your physical health, your mental health.  You have to take care of yourself before you can take on the Godly mission of caring for another person. 
 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/11216629/Bipolar-disorder-and-sex-Its-time-to-talk-about-this-emotional-minefield.html
6.  Reporting has consequences that can ruin someone’s life.  I  have an online  friend who lives with bipolar depression who is on the sex offender registry several states away.  He told me what happened to him was that a romantic partner reported on him when he had an impulse control problem during sex, hurt her, and frightened her.  He had to register his name, but life continued as normal until his father died.  The he of course became very depressed.  He failed to report a change of address and had to go to prison for five years.  I want to write to him.  I wrote the card and made a plan to make sending it a reasonable risk-- use a P.O. Box in a town I don’t live in but have business in on a semi-regular basis.  Or don’t leave a  return address if I have to let go of the relationship.  I think I could use a P.O. Box as the return address then change my P.O. Box information if I estimate the risk to be unsafe in the future.  This is not a romantic relationship with a prisoner; rather, it is a reasonable risk of trust on someone who encouraged me to write and had pleasant and respectful conversations with me during a time of of own depression while I was figuring out how to plan my career.  He had a bad reporter and a bad judge and had to face legal consequences for a mental health crisis which could limit the rest of his life.  He deserves a better new normal than prison after the loss of his family member.  Realistically, I don’t have to be the friend who tells him he is valuable, and a male friend would be safer.  But I don’t believe in dropping someone who didn’t give up on me, and his sister who posted the address is giving the vote of confidence to him that people who write him will do so with a reasonable level of risk to trust, and will not be in excessive levels of danger.
7. Not everyone on the sex registry is a child molester, but if a depressed person is on it, parents are not going to trust the depressed person around their children.  This also ruins the depressed person’s life; effectively society decides they can’t be a parent and kids can’t even visit them on Halloween with parents present and they get a visit from the police every year at that time.
7.5 Prison also ruins people’s lives.  The justice system is harder on men than women and harder on minorities than white people.  Justice?  A depressed person with impulse control issues can have a careless angry date rape report and a bad judge and then go to prison for five years for failure to update their address on record.  Prison is an overwhelmingly solitary routine and routine is already a love hate relationship that can save or ruin a depressed person.  The prison staff may behave vidictively while they are in, other inmates can be rough and abusive and the unintentional rapist can become himself a victim of abuse.  Mental healthcare in prisons is not necessarily sympathetic toward healing the unintentional rapist.  He can come out worse than he went in.  If he comes out the same, he is missing time developing his career.  He may have to be his own boss in an independent business with self confidence compromised by time in prison plus the depression he had in the first place.  
8. This means reporting is a necessary but graduated step of dealing with impulse control issues in sex.  You don’t want to ruin someone’s life just to win points in a breakup.  You only do that if the pussy grabber is actually a person who chooses to be evil and needs to be shunned by all of society. 
9.  There is a continuing war of perspectives between survivors of domestic abuse and the supporters of people living with mental health conditions.  Both people are survivors!  They both need happiness and contact with other humans or else are at risk of suicidal behavior.  If all other people are unsafe or feel unsafe around you, potentially you can live with someone whose sexual orientation does not swing your way, though I am not sure what a depressed bisexual person with bipolar depression would do if they wound up on the registry or in prison.  Possibly see only a homosexual person of the opposite sex for friendship and hire escorts for sexual relations?  But then the escorts or prostitutes may be in danger, which is why I think that is an unsafe vocation and I wish people who live with bipolar depression could look at pornography but not call an escort or gay friend when in crisis.  But it is so much better to kiss men and not be that into them when hypomanic than it is to be rough with an escort. 10.  You don’t know where on the spectrum your rape charge falls until you are in that situation, but the statistics say if you are raped in your life time your rapist will be someone you knew already more likely than a drug user or mentally ill stranger.  And a mentally ill friend could be a rapist who does not want to be an abuser and will be more depressed that the rape happened.  Think carefully and calibrate your morals to find the least amount of suffering for the most people.
I will never work with anyone whose past feelings for me lead to me getting yelled at for a whole ten hour workday, or who allows friends and family to yell at me for a whole ten hour workday.  Not even a promise of sex is enough for me to compromise my emotional security.
Ijime.  いじめ。https://yumikomusictherapy.com/2016/02/10/ijime-bullying-in-japan/
Imagine what you say is multiplied by 1,000 times each of your fans on Twitter.  That is the number of cuts your attacks inflict on the victim’s inner thigh.  If you then come back and say the victim is gross for not getting a cleaner shave or should not shave there at all, you are an inhuman monster and I hope someone drains your eyeballs of their eyeball juices. See the novel A Tale For the Time Being to understand how a well-meaning school girl who wants everything in its right place may become an inhuman monster or slutbag “whore”.  There are not enough scripts on the internet to reframe the shame on both people.
Your comments about my day job and/or act are supposed to be accompanied by your face showing empathy and questions about what I tried already.  If you just say, “You have a problem/you make problems/you need therapy/this is a medical board letter ordering you to therapy” and the like up to 1000 times, YOU ARE AN INHUMANE MONSTER.  Come via Twitter DM or GTFO. Come in person via Twitter DM if you ever wonder if I might be your friend.  Friends generally don’t have to ask.  If I give you an example of who a friend is and you go behind my back and attempt to turn my friend against me, no you are not a friend, YOU ARE AN INHUMAN MONSTER.  
It is frustrating to know the bully is also the victim, I find.  You have pain.  Am I ALL of the cause of ALL of it? There are no people making screwed up faces in your daily life?  Are they avoiding you?  Who was the last person who made you very happy or took your pain away?  Are they comfortable with the frequency under which you ask them to take the pain?  Are you also taking away some of their pain?  
It is an unsatisfactory relationship if you are always taking the pain away and never having your own taken.  Also if you always bring the pain and never contribute to people’s joy.
”Idiot” is a label.  I used to worry about being called one, now I realize it sounds twice as idiotic to call any human being that.  There’s a Mark Twain quote that I can’t entirely remember but love about keeping your mouth shut for fear of being called a fool but open your mouth and remove all doubt.  The thing is, you are removing the doubt without actually finding a specific solution to your problem.  If the problem is ignorance you educate the ignorant person.  An idiot is someone you have given up on because they either have a measurable inability to learn and remember, or they get too violent or fearful to receive any lessons.  Convince a man against his will; he’ll be of the same opinion still.  Maybe make it look like something he finds entertaining already?  I am not sure where that suggestion came from but it’s a good one IMHO. Don’t make light or dark of therapy.  If you are waiting for the nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take you away, it will be the boys in blue who actually do it.  If you routinely are practicing hatred and sorrow in your head, or the SAME PERSON sets you off every day just by walking into the room, TALK TO SOMEONE who sees a lot of people with the same problem or problem set.  Start with friends, then church pastor, then community services, then a therapist you get referred to by your general practictioner.
I am not a therapist.  I am a hobbyist who reads psychology and Buddhist literature and thinks she is practicing active listening when in conversation with you. The hardest problems that beget new problems might be an offline wiki or anonymous blog.  It may behoove you to start one of these to sort your feelings before you tell someone you are angry.
When monsters are wild rumpus-ing in my imagination, I can soothe them with samba and jazz, Kpop, anime, or BABYMETAL.  REAL MONSTERS...NEVER SHOW UP!  I can think happy thoughts and fly away from imaginary monsters and super freaks but you real ones must come to @euphoriafish via Twitter to throw down.  Twitter is the stranger gate.  If you know me on a longer winded network such as email or Facebook or LinkedIn or Stage32, use that one. I give up on Diaspora.  That is in writing.  I can’t get anyone to use it.  Twitter DM or e-mail is best to decide where we go from here.
You are hurting yourself when you contribute to toxic stories of your imagination.  You are bottling anger which should be taken to a real space where things may be settled.  I have one such space on each of my Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Gmail.  
If you are breaking our friendship contract, you will receive mail with your name intentionally misspelled.  Or an emoji zoo.  🌼🐹🐮🐰👑🌟🐱💧💦🐎🐎🐎🐎🐧🌙🐬🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐞❄️❄️❄️☀️🌅🌊?????????????????????🐡🐡🐡🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐡🐡
We need new language that isn’t full of vindictive hate statements.
Sign language may prove useful to deaf parents and new babies.  Wireless headphones for the television doubly so.
A friendship contract spells out whether our friendship has romantic potential, only friendship potential, or only professional potential.
I am no man’s Virginia Woolf and I do not mince words about the demon rum.  That said, your feelings and depression take priority over any plans to save your health.  NOT YOUR SOUL WHICH IS UP TO YOU.  YOUR HEALTH. BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BRILLIANT AND CLEVER AND NICE TO DIE OF A POISONED LIVER.
Your habit needs a reframe and it won’t ever be too late.  Every moment is a moment in which you can find your alcohol triggering behavior and replace the alcohol use with something else you’re addicted to that actually brings you a result you like. This info from HABIT: THE POWER OF ROUTINE book. If your reframes aren’t working I hope you pee before taking the next drink of water and that you drink all the water, juice, and coffee the bar has to offer.  Grape juice without alcohol is as good for your heart as wine or chocolate.  If you know someone who is drinking too much I hope you either send them a glass of juice and take their keys or get a charismatic wingman to do it for you if you don’t want to hear the noise of dismissal.
Trust is a pattern of the things you say and do to the person you love.  If there is no love there is no trust, and trusting a former enemy is acceptance of the risk involved.  Don’t trust if you don’t accept the risk.  This bit inspired by both Amanda Palmer’s The Art of Asking and someone on Twitter who is a bit more bitter and jaded about asking.  If you accept the gamble, rehearse both being noble and modest when you win and being diplomatic and calmly measured when you lose.
Trust may be won back with more actions and words of love.  It does not happen overnight.  It is a practice.
Watch Hidden Figures if you love science and want to love people too.
Namaste is parakeet for EXTERMINATE!  
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shinra-makonoid · 3 years
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I was looking for a new apartment and since flatsharing in Paris is much more beneficial for incomes I wanted to do this. So I went with flatsharing and I have rommates since like about a year ago, but since one left, now we have to pay the rent just the two of us left and it’s too expensive. So I need to move out again.
The choice remained, would I get back with other people or would I start living alone again? I considered the pro and cons of that. I think I hate it, to share an apartment. I can’t do all the stuff I could do alone, I have to hide some stuff (like my trans status, some shit I have in my drawers, part of my history with other people I don’t trust). But it is less expensive, and there’s a lot less to deal with, which is freeing in some ways.
I met people today for a visit for flatsharing, who were very nice. The one “in charge” (who wanted to set rules and all), told me directly he was gay (but I knew, like... Apparently my gaydar is fine). Very awkward, kind of like me, maybe worse to be honest, but anyway. Something that really surprised me is that he said he wanted to know people in order for us to be similar to a family. Which well considering my own family kind of triggered my fight or flight reaction but I knew what he meant because that’s also what I want. I also think that structure would be good for me, which they would give me more than if I’m alone.
But like....... For some reason I don’t want this. I’m not ready, I suppose and I think that’s the reason why I don’t/can’t find anyone. I’m simply not ready for anything like this, even if it’s just like in a friendly way where everyone respects each other’s autonomy. It made me feel broken and sad. I don’t trust people, I don’t want to share things of myself with other people, I want a reasonable distance from them, which allows me not to get hurt too.
Besides there are certain things I can’t help to do when I’m living with someone I trust little (like my current roommate). I hide food in my room (seriously... It’s really bad, I hoard food in my room I can’t help it), I hide all the time, I try to stay out of sight of them as much as possible, I can’t clean or do most of the things when they’re in the same room, and those things are like... I’ve been doing that since I was a teenager.
It feels like I have the chance to make a difference and learn another way, but I don’t want to try again, I’m scared and I’m not sure I’m able to be up to all of this, up to healing or making a difference in that kind of way, or at least trying to. There’s always a later and like, you can’t force healing and you can’t rush it because it does the opposite of what it’s supposed to do, but still, I want to shake myself up from not being at the level of what I expect myself to be at, you know? Also I want to be as good as the standard people always thought of me regarding healing and psychiatric stuff. I’ve always been a resilient person, but this is too much. And you know if I trusted any psychiatrist or therapist out there I could talk about those issues but this is also something that I don’t feel able to do. Trust. When did I become such a distrustful person. :( What if that never changes?
So I guess I’m learning more about myself and putting words around my issues but I’m also very much feeling like a broken person, and that will cause me probably around 150€ à month.
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I’m way beyond feeling like I’m a broken record...
Where to start... First things first. Back at the end of March I had to walk away from coaching and managing the new women’s football team here in Sacramento due to poor ownership. It was extremely hard for me to do because I felt like I was letting down my players but it was just an unhealthy situation and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. Turns out my gut was right because the team folded after only 2 games. I still keep in touch with most of my players which brings me to part of why I am starting to feel like a broken record... 
I know I am different. I’m not a “typical” female by any means. It has also taken me almost all of my life to finally be like “Fuck It” I don’t care what others think, I’m going to be true to myself and who I know I am as a person. With that being said, I’ve recently needed to explain my sexual orientation and how I identify repeatedly over the last few months. I’ve even been given a new term of endearment which is “Gaydar Killer” and I honestly find it quite a bit confusing as I do funny because after 26 years, I thought I had heard them all (oh, and there is a list). As always, I make no apologies for who I am or the things I have done in my life. I own every decision/choice I’ve made, good, bad, or indifferent. Most of my close friends are very aware of this and know that I have no reason to lie about anything but most of all, which sexual orientation I identify with. Trust me I completely get where the confusion comes from. I’m not an idiot. I know that the way that I look, dress and present myself falls into a typical stereotype. I’ve said it before in earlier posts. It doesn’t offend me. I’m flattered when a woman hits on me. Unfortunately, I have honestly never felt real sexual attraction toward any female in my life (except for a few times when I thought they were guys but we will get to that later). I think women are beautiful, gorgeous even, and I’ve been jealous of some of their bodies but I’ve never felt that sudden flush, butterflies in the tummy, or the ache to be with a woman. Please, don’t say “You won’t know unless you try” because I have and all the times I tried, I just felt like I was going through the motions or better yet, like I was acting in some sort of play or movie disguised as my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done the same with guys more times than I would like to admit but with women it just never developed or manifested into the feelings I get when I’m with guys. In all honestly, being true to who I am, it puts me at a disadvantage because guys tend to not want women that look and act like I do but I’m aldo at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not in order for someone to want to be with me. But I digress, back to being with women. In the end I just felt bad and like I was using these women for my own personal experiment and by no fault of their own, I just felt nothing toward them in a romantic or sexual way. Ok, to be super honest... I felt like a complete asshole because if a guy did to me (they have) what I felt like I had done to them (they did), I would be pissed (I was). It was not my proudest period in my life and I didn’t set off to do it intentionally but a lot of alcohol was involved so my inhibitions were just about non-existent and I didn’t even know that a few of them were women until clothes started coming off. Not that I’m saying that my misconception about their gender was an excuse for my behavior, because it wasn’t, and I still went through with everything after the fact (which in my personal opinion made me a huge dick). It was a total dick move on my part and I own up to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of that dick move a few times myself (my marriage being one of them) and it is just not a cool thing to do to someone. I felt dishonest. Part of me at the time even hoped that doing it would trigger something inside me, flip a switch so to say, that would awaken the part of me that wanted to be with women because at least then other aspects of my life and personality would start to make better sense. It sucked feeling the need to explain this part of my past to my players that were CONVINCED I was a lesbian but like I said, I own up to the things I’ve done. So again, with that being said, the question I was asked today shocked me because it was from someone that I’ve had in depth conversations with (recently even) only this time it wasn’t my sexuality that was being questioned but my identity. Today was the first time I was asked if I was transitioning... and the shocking part was not that I was asked but how much the being asked stung me. Just to be crystal clear... I was not offended by the question but the reason it stung was because this person honestly thought that I hated the gender that I was born. I have trans friends that I love dearly. Some I knew before and after they transitioned and others I only got to know after they transitioned but from them I know how very personal their transitions were. I love being female. I don’t love my menstrual cycle or being told I can’t do something because I’m female but I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body (even if one of my cousins swears that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body). I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to look at oneself in the mirror and see anatomy that contradicts what you feel it should be. One of the most depressing moments of my life was being told by my doctors that I would more than likely never have biological children of my own (that needs to be covered in a separate post) because the one thing I’ve always wanted to be, my entire life, was a mother. So, I had this very in depth conversation with this friend today and she explained why she asked. Why I’ve always “confused” her. Why am I like the way that I am. Most of which we had talked about before in one form or another and like usual I didn’t have a cookie cutter response to give her for the “why I am the way that I am.” I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to give any answer except I am the way that feels true to me. I feel that I don’t fall in the typical “straight” category because I am not feminine at all and never really felt comfortable pretending to be but I don’t fall within the LGBTQ category either because I don’t feel I am the wrong gender and so far I’ve only been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I’ve always felt that I was in this grey area or where the two circles overlap. I feel more comfortable around my LGBTQ friends because my outward appearance, personality and traits mesh better with them than with my “straight” friends but my sexual orientation still keeps me on the outside to a certain extent with them also. It does hurt me to an extent because I never really feel like I fit in with either side completely but if I change any part of myself just to fit in one way or another, that would be false and to me living that lie would be worst. It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand where they are coming from. I do. If the terms I use in this next bit are not politically correct, I apologize in advance but I’m going to do my best in order to explain why I understand where my LGBTQ friends are coming from. The best way I can put it is like this. Just because I have black friends, and I dress like them, talk like them, hang out with them, that doesn’t mean that I know what its like to be a black person in America. I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ in America. I’ve caught passing glimpses because people assume that I am LGBTQ when they look at me (especially when I worked concert security) and have been called things and even escaped a few attempted “gay” bashings (I have this problem with not backing down and tend to fight back) but at the end of the day, I always identified as heterosexual. I never had to live in fear that I could be fired for falling in love. I never had any doubt that I would be able to marry the person I fell in love with. Or if the time came when I need to adopt in order to have a family, I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of the person I loved and chosen to have the family with. But some of my friends did have to worry about those things and that wasn’t okay to me. I didn’t care if it alienated me from my entire biological family or my new adopted family I married into, when it came to supporting and fighting for my friends and family to obtain the same rights as I had, I did it loud and proud. 
Dude, she and I went DEEP during this conversation and it was emotionally draining. This is finally how I put it and I think she understands for the most part (wait until you read her response at the end to see if you agree)... At the end of the day, I believe with my entire being that love is love (among consenting adults). You fall in love with the person you fall in love with and when you truly fall in love with someone, they become your every sexual desire. At least that is how it is for me. When I fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t my typical “type” by any means but when I fell for him, I fell hard and completely. In my life so far, I have only felt that way toward men. Does that mean that I won’t one day meet someone that is a woman, trans, or however they identify, that will make me feel the same way... I honestly don’t know. Because of what I believe love to be, I can’t definitively say that it won’t happen nor can I say that it will. All I can say that as of right now, it hasn’t. One of my favorite scenes from a movie is when Holden asks Alyssa in Chasing Amy “why him and why now” and she replies “... The way the world is--how seldom you meet that one person who gets you--it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There was no example set for me in the world of male/female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person--to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender... that just seemed stupid. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You--the one least likely; I mean, you were a guy... And as I was falling for you. I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remember why I opened the door to women in the first place--not to limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. And so here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms--because I got here on my own terms, and have no question that there was someplace I didn’t look. And that makes all the difference.” And after hearing all this, my friend said... “Ok, based off what you just said about how you feel about love and just how you are, I’m just gonna say that you are queer and leave it at that because you said there still maybe a possibility.” FACE-PALM... I was like fine, if that’s what it takes to end this conversation so be it.
In all honesty, I’m so sick of having this conversation over and over again (sometimes with the same people) because I really don’t care at this point in my life. I’ve been through so much and have battled against what my family tried to turn me into for so long, in all reality I hate labels in general (except “tomboy” because I always felt it adequately described me) . A girl is suppose to dress a certain way, do certain things, only have certain interests, and is to be defined by the man she is with... BULLSHIT! A girl/woman can dress anyway she wants, do anything she wants, have what ever interest she wants... and she can love who she wants. The most important part is the “she wants” part and that is how I choose to live my life as long as it doesn’t intentionally hurt anyone else. 
It is way past my bedtime and I swear that I should be TOO OLD for this...
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saladforchimps-blog · 7 years
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My College Campus’s LGBT Community
Recently in my multicultural education class, we had a question and answer session with our campus’s LGBT community. Most of them looked exactly what you would expect them to look like: fat and ugly. Or visually repulsive, as I like to call them. If I saw any of these gargoyles on campus, I would immediately know that they’re gay, or whatever they identify as this week.  My gaydar is spot on. Not only are they fat, but they look like disgusting monsters, and none of them could ever create a friendship outside of their abnormal club. Now, I don’t hate gay people, and I support them to live their lives however they see fit. However, the LGBT community is full of radical queers who try to control everyone else, and they live in their own delusional world.
           When they first shuffled into the classroom, they all wrote their names and pronouns on the whiteboard. All of their pronouns were feminine. The lard asses, plus the semi-sexy half-dyke, then encouraged us to always tell people our preferred pronouns when we meet them. This is absolutely autistic for a number of reasons. First of all, trannies only make up around 0.3% of the total population; that means that 99.7% of the population identifies with the gender they were born with (dailycaller.com). So, policing 99.7% of the population’s language in order to never offended 0.3% of the population is completely absurd. I will refer to someone as a “he” if they’re male, or a “she” if they’re female, and will not first ask what their pronouns are upon meeting them. I will, however, use whatever pronouns someone would prefer me to refer to them as, I just won’t ask everyone I meet what pronouns they prefer.
They’ve changed the name of their community of freaks too. I don’t know if they did this themselves specifically on campus, or if the name just got longer everywhere. Apparently now, it’s: LGBTQAAP+2s. I shit you not, they fucking added 2s into it. 2s means two spirited, and its origins come from Native Americans; hundreds of years ago, or whatever, some Natives believed that they possessed the spirit of both a man and a woman. Basically, how they explained transgenderism back then. So, the buffet addicts of today added that into their long list of letters for some reason. Although, I highly doubt anyone in their toilet community identifies as 2s, or maybe all of them do just to be trendy.
           One of the cows was asexual. I refer to her as a cow because she was literally grazing during our class. Granted, she was only eating almonds and not a greasy cheeseburger, but still eating nonetheless. That’s something I’m still shocked by: that she literally had to stuff her fat gullet during an “informative” period. I was informed, informed about how much more mentally diseased these people are than I could have ever imagined. She also had an odd haircut that made her look extremely dyke. These people try to look like outcasts, and they’re doing a wonderful job. Probably the only wonderful job they’ve ever successfully accomplished. One of the biological girls said something about how she tries to stand out from most people and look gay. I can’t remember exactly what she said, I wasn’t paying that much attention to what she was saying, nor did I give a shit. So, they marginalize themselves, then get offended for being marginalized. And who’s always at fault? The straight white man. Fascists.
           The tranny, oh my fucking god, the tranny. Absolutely horrifying. My group’s social justice project is on sexism against men, and I could tell that they were triggered by the looks on their faces when we mentioned it to them. Two of my group members asked these things about their illogical opinions on our subject, and their answers were exactly what one would expect from people who should have been diagnosed with down syndrome. My group members said something about how men’s lives are considered less valuable than women’s and children’s because it’s women and children first in survival situations. The semi-sexy half-dyke’s answer was that men just think of women and children as weaker, and unable to take care of themselves. Women and children absolutely are weaker than men. Then, they tranny said that it was because of the patriarchy. No facts were brought up about the patriarchy, or given a proper explanation of what it is, it just simply is there is oppress women. Even though women clearly have the same rights as men do, at least in Western countries.
           I didn’t enjoy sitting in a room with them at all. I had a slight headache, and the semi-sexy half-dyke was wearing some strong perfume that smelled like ass, and it made me feel even worse. I forgot to mention that the semi-sexy half-dyke isn’t fat, I’m not attracted to the obese. So, not only were these people visually unappealing, but they: sounded like shit, smelled like shit, and didn’t have properly functioning brains. They were unappealing to three of the five senses, and had a 75% obesity rate. Ok, maybe not all of them were technically obese, but they were still pig people. Still, they portrayed an accurate representation of the lesbian obesity crisis. A study conducted by the National Institutes of Health found that 75% of lesbians are overweight (washingtonpost.com). That’s 25% higher than straight women, and double the blubber rate for gay men. So, lesbians are just really fat people, generally speaking. There are some hot lesbians, who have their waistlines under control.
           Now, allow me to critique the bisexual bitch (the semi-sexy half-dyke). Immediate when she walked in, I thought that she must be, and was hoping, that she was bi. Correct again; my gaydar is never wrong. She talked about how she hates it when straight boys ask her if she likes threesomes. Then, my professional victim professor had to single me out, and then my entire table because I admitted to the class that it’s hot when two lesbians are making out. Let me be clearer, this week we were learning about homophobia, and he wanted to know if the guys in the class were attracted to lesbians. Nobody was answering this obvious question, so he called on our table because it was made up entirely of men; my response was “it depends”. If two girls are attractive and kissing, that most certainly is a sexy sight. Although, not all lesbians are created equal, some, most of them, are way too fat to be considered attractive by heterosexual men. (Again, look for the link in my sources if you need further convincing). She should take it was a compliment that so many guys ask her that. It means guys think that she’s a hot lesbian. If she wasn’t, nobody would even be talking to her in the first place, let alone ask her about her sex life. Besides, the closest thing most lesbians get toward sex is KFC. That reminds me of what the cow said, in a desperate attempt to try to be funny that failed miserably, “who needs sex when there’s cake”. Fat logic is evident with that one. She probably has sex with cake. I don’t have any evidence to back up that claim, but it’s my non-obese gut feeling.
           Another odd thing these sub humans do, as if they could get any weirder, is snapping their fingers. In an attempt to keep our classroom a “safe space”, they snap their fingers when they disagree with each other, I believe. Randomly when one of the dykes was talking, another one would snap their fingers, and nobody would say or do anything about it. It was so weird.
So, the LBGT community is full of: fat, ugly, stupid, ignorant, perpetual victims, and conspiracy theorists. Nobody should take them seriously, and they should all just fuck off.
Sources:
Hicks, Josh. "Why the federal government spent $3 million to study lesbian obesity." The Washington Post. WP Company, 02 Sept. 2014. Web. 04 Apr. 2017.
"Exactly Zero Point Three Percent Of Americans Are Transgender." The Daily Caller. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Apr. 2017.
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