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#but I survived and now I'm back
mindful-of-ideas · 11 months
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Inspired by the song Villains by Stella Jang
We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side
But what if we're the villains on the other
A/N: You guys really love Peaky stuff, and I love writing it. 
TW: Physical and verbal abuse
“Y/N!” Finn called as you turned into the alley.
“Hey,” you said as you got up to him, “What’s up?”
“Tommy gave me a special order…” he started, “And I want you to join me!”
“What does it imply exactly,” you asked, slightly worried.
You hadn’t known Finn for long, but you knew that an order from Tommy could range from spying to almost killing someone.
“Come on Y/N, can’t you just say yes without asking questions for once?”
“I just don’t like it when people get hurt, and you know that,” you retorted.
“It will be fun, just say yes.”
“I just want to make sure no one will get hurt…”
Because someone always eventually ended up getting hurt. And you couldn’t let it happen anymore, not without saying something.
You liked Finn. You liked him a lot. From the moment you met him, you knew he wasn’t like his brothers. You knew there was a softer side to him and maybe, just maybe, you could help him embrace that side. Not completely, because you grew to like his more chaotic and risk-taking side, but just enough for him to keep out of trouble. He had potential, so much wasted potential. If only he could see himself the way you saw him.
“Including us,” you added, “You can at least tell me that, can’t you?”
“Tommy was right,” he grumbled.
“What was that?” you asked.
“Tommy was right!” he said louder, “You’re probably working with the coppers!”
Your heart dropped in your chest.
How could he know? There was no way he could know. You took every precaution, followed everything your father told you. He couldn’t know your father was spying on the Peaky Blinders and it was impossible for Finn to know you were helping him.
“What? What are you saying?” you asked, trying your best to hide your concern, “What did Thomas say?”
“Like I’m gonna tell you! If you’re working with the cops, I shouldn’t even be talking to you!”
“Finn… come on, I’m not working with them, you got to believe me.“
That was true, you weren’t working per se with the cops.
“Tommy knows your dad, Y/N! Stop lying! He told me he was a spy during the war. And a bloody good one!”
“So what, my dad was a spy! What does this have to do with me? With us!”
“Wanna talk about what happened in Ireland?”
You didn’t know what to say.
“Or in London? No, uhh! You’re working for him, Y/N. You’re infiltrating criminal gangs, cause no one would suspect you, just for him to take them down. He’s using you!”
‘You’re right’ you wanted to scream, ‘My dad is using me. I never asked for any of this… and I genuinely like you…’ but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t, say that.
“Finn…” you said taking a step towards him, “I… I really like… I like spending time with you… I… I would never do anything to hurt you, you have to believe me.”
You could feel tears filling your eyes, but you couldn’t cry. Not in front of him. You blinked to chase them as anger seemed to replace sadness.
“Really, you wouldn’t hurt me? Is that why you’re doing all this?”
“Finn, your brothers are hurting people! Just last week, a man died because of them. He left behind three children. The oldest was only 8 years old! How can you stand for that?”
“I don’t…” he started.
But you cut him. Somehow, you couldn’t understand why he was angry with you. You were on the right side after all. The Peakys and he were the ones doing illegal things and hurting people at the same time.
“And how can you expect me to stand for that, to just watch you follow that same path while doing nothing! I have morals! The Peaky Blinders are tearing families apart and I can’t just watch it happen!”
“How about my family!” he screamed at you, “Have you thought about that, uh? What do you think will happen to me once you put my brothers in prison!”
“Hey, not fair! I’m not the one putting them in prison, my dad is.”
“You’re helping him, same difference. But you didn’t answer my question, what happens to me!”
You didn’t know what to say. You hadn’t really thought about this. Maybe because you didn’t expect to actually get close to Finn or maybe because you knew it would hurt less when it eventually happened if you didn’t think about it.
“I’ll get left behind, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’ll be alone. Did you think of that? What you and your dad are doing isn’t better than what we’re doing. You’re the one tearing families apart!”
He turned around to leave, but not before you could see the tears in his eyes. You ran, trying to catch up with him. He turned around swiftly.
“We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side,” he yelled, “but what if we’re the villains on the other?”
He was right. Of course. But it was too late. There was nothing you could do to change his opinion of you. Still, you could warn him.
“Finn…” you said.
He turned around and came running towards you screaming.
“You’re a traitor Y/N, that’s your deal! Your moral code only holds up for what? ‘Good people’! You can pretend to be better than me all you want but I know, I know you’re no better!”
With that he turned around again, but not before pushing you so hard that you fell flat on the ground.
“Finn!” you cried out.
He stopped walking. That was good enough. That was your last chance.
“Don’t go to the festival tomorrow, please. Or at least, don’t bring any weapons.”
“How can I trust you?” he asked.
“You can’t. But I’m begging you,” you said tears in your eyes, “please, stay safe.”
And just like that, he left.
You knew that going back to your house was nothing but bad news, but there was nowhere else you could go. You didn’t know how, but your father had learned that you had warned Finn about going to the festival. Even if you were his most useful asset, he would never trust you, not completely. He never did and you knew it already. As soon as you stepped into your house and closed the door, all hell broke loose.
You had taken a few beatings before, but nothing like that night. As soon as your dad found you, his hand was around your neck, but it wasn’t long until your head hit the ground. Everything after that was kind of a blur. The physical beating wasn’t the worst part. Being called worthless was worse than a kick in the ribs. Being called a traitor was worse than every slap in the face you received. You knew the bruises would eventually fade, but every name and insult would take longer to heal, if not forever.
You couldn’t make it to the alley the next day. Not that it mattered since Finn was probably getting his ass arrested at the festival. Unless he had listened to you, which you were starting to doubt. How could he trust you to know that he knew the truth? You wouldn’t even trust yourself in this situation.
But you managed to get out of bed without too much difficulty the next day. Your father hadn’t come back after the festival which you interpreted as a successful mission on his part. Finn and the Peaky Blinders were probably in jail, waiting to be interrogated, right now. With your father being absent, it was easier to get out of the house. You were limping badly as one of your legs was covered in bruises and just putting weight on it was painful. Your breathing wasn’t too bad considering you probably had some broken ribs. Still, it took you twice the usual time to get to the alley.
Or maybe it took longer because you didn’t really know why you were going to the alley. You tried to convince yourself it was out of habit, you and Finn had met there every day for well over two months now, but it wasn’t really working.
As you finally got to the alley, it was empty. You looked around at the street you had learned to love. It felt empty now. You didn’t feel like waiting for someone who might never show up, but you couldn’t go back to your house now. And you needed the break. Your head was throbbing and you had trouble catching your breath. You sat down beside some crate, resting your back on the wall and hiding yourself from the people walking down the street. You closed your eyes but it was useless, tears were already running done your cheeks.
“Y/N,” someone called from the end of the alley.
It was Finn.
“Y/N,” he asked again, “Are you there?”
You couldn’t bring yourself to answer him.
“I just…” he started.
You could hear him sit down on the other side of the crate.
“I just wanted to thank you for warning me… I… I chose to believe you and it paid off. We went to the festival with no weapons and your dad went all out. Huge arrest that turned out to be for nothing and now they’re all blaming him for ruining the day. And the other cops aren’t too happy. They really looked like idiots out there! So, yeah, some thanks are in order I guess…”
“No problem,” you managed to croak.
“And Y/N,” he said.
“Mmmh?”
If it had been anyone else but Finn, you would probably have passed out. It felt like someone had poured scalding hot molten metal in your head. You couldn’t even tell if you were still crying.
“I guess I also wanted to apologize,” he said getting up, though you couldn’t hear him do that, “I… I’m blaming you for hurting me, for betraying me, but for all I know that’s exactly what I did yesterday.”
‘Except he had every right to feel betrayed and to do the same in return,’ you thought, ‘There was really poor logic to what he was saying. Or maybe the headache was turning his words into nonsense’
He was making his way around the crate, unbeknownst to you.
“I’m like your only friend here… and maybe you genuinely liked me, maybe all your father did was use you. That’s what I’m choosing to believe since you basically saved my ass, all of our asses yesterday,” he said, “So, can we make peace and shake on? Y/N!”
He had finally made it to your side of the crate.
“Y/N! Holy shit! What happened!”
You opened your eyes and smiled weakly, but couldn’t stop crying. You could see him kneeling by your side.
“I’ll be okay,” you managed to say.
“Okay? Okay! No, you won’t! Y/N, you’re shaking, you can barely keep your eyes open…”
“I have some broken ribs…” you added.
“You have some… what! What happened,” he asked again. “Y/N, did he do this? Did your father do this?”
You nodded.
“And your neck, Y/N,” he said softly, taking your chin in his hand and tilting your head slightly.
You could feel his other hand hovering above your neck. It wasn’t threatening like your father’s hand has been, yet you wished he wouldn’t touch it either.
Suddenly, you felt his hand wiping down a tear from your cheek. You leaned into it. It was cold but comforting. You stayed like that until you felt like you could open your eyes again. And when you did, Finn was smiling at you. Slowly, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and helped you get on your feet.
“Do you feel like you can walk,” he asked.
“Yeah…” you said, but after only a few steps it felt like the ground gave way under your feet.
Luckily, Finn was quick enough to catch you.
“I’ll help you, okay? I’m getting you home Y/N.”
“Home?” you asked, not sure what he was referring to.
“Yeah, home with me. I’ll explain everything to Tommy. We’ll take care of you. You won’t ever have to see your father again.”
“Thank you,” you said, resting your head on his shoulder.
“No, thank you,” you heard him whisper.
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reunitedinterlude · 4 months
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gamingmas 2023
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azaracyy · 3 months
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a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters
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fuwaprince · 4 months
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👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥
It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $
I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry
Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered
There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)
I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent
All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂
I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can
So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live
I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid
Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends
I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*
Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!
And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉
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puppetmaster13u · 5 months
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Prompt 108
So this time it wasn’t Danny’s fault, or even Boxy’s fault! And it wasn’t like Pandora’s box was open for more than a split second! But uh, still. This could be a bit of a problem, what with how it’s affected um, well, everyone. Living and ghosts. 
At least it’s not dangerous! Really, how bad can people getting animal aspects be? Well, besides the embarrassment. 
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cerise-on-top · 4 months
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IT'S MEEEE! 😆 how're you doing?
I want some ANGST! But with a happy ending with Fluff!
Valeria/Laswell/Farah have a stressful day, and they are in a bad mood and take it out in the reader.
Take your time and take care! 🫶
Hello again! Welcome back! I'm doing fine, I'm just a bit tired right now, but I should be alright by tomorrow! First off, I'm so sorry this took so long! I tried to make it a bit longer than I usually would as an apology! There's not a whole lot of angst, aside from the girls having had a rough day and accidentally letting it out on reader, but I tried! I hope it's to your liking! Thank you for your request!
Valeria, Farah and Laswell Taking their Anger out on Reader but then Comforting them
Valeria: It was likely Alejandro who got on her nerves, chasing her like a dog would its own tail, only to never catch her after all. If she could, she would have him killed just like that. Much to her dismay, however, he was slippery, a trained killer whose only weakness was either himself or Rudy. But even the latter was hard to catch, so both of them meeting a fitting end would yet have to wait some more. At that moment, all Valeria wanted was to spill some blood. Anyone’s would have been fine. Walking through the door to your shared home, she watched you fold some clothes in the living room, putting them aside carefully so as to not put too many folds in them. Waving to her once you put down the sweater, you greeted her, wanting to throw your arms around your partner. Yet, fear struck you as Valeria glared at you, looking as though she was about to rip your throat out using her bare teeth. Thus, you kept your hug to yourself, a bit intimidated by her.
Instead, you tell her that you made some food, some vegetable stew, which she could easily reheat in the kitchen. Somehow, that information made her even more furious. Seemingly disappointed in your choice of cooking, she cussed. At first not at you, but when you tried to deescalate the situation, insisting that you could cook her a meat based dish as well, Valeria’s fuse blew. Her voice grew louder, almost booming, with her explicitly telling you that she didn’t fucking care about the food. It wasn’t the first time you had seen her act like this, but not towards you. Therefore you figured she must have had an extremely rough day. Even so, when she was done, you muttered an apology, going to your room and avoiding her for the rest of the evening so she could blow off some steam. It wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have known after all, but you still felt like a failure, awaiting the seconds, the minutes, the hours, until you could finally go to bed. Just hearing Valeria stomp around outside your room made your blood freeze in your veins.
It wasn’t until 21:23, as you were just about to head to bed, that you heard a knock on your door. Even without your permission, it was opened, showcasing Valeria on the other side, seemingly having calmed down a bit. Leaning against the doorframe, she complimented your cooking. It was as delicious as it had always been, very well seasoned and very filling after all. You did nothing wrong, she, too, assured you of that. While she won’t go into detail regarding what exactly happened for her to snap at you like that, simply mentioning a few sleazebags who had caught up with her, you will hear something that only ever leaves her mouth when she’s wronged you for no good reason: an apology.
If you let her in, then she’s more than happy to try and comfort you. Yes, it’s a bit awkward since she’s not used to doing so, but seeing your eyes wide, your body tense, all because of her does take its toll on her. If you don’t wanna be touched just yet, that’s fine, she can respect that. But if you do allow it, then she’ll gently grab your hand and squeeze it a few times. She’s tired too, so she likely won’t be doing anything big with you anymore that night, but she’s open to making plans with you and discussing them. She really wants to right her wrongs when it comes to you, so you’re more than welcome to make a suggestion. You wanna have a picnic with her? She knows Las Almas quite well, some beautiful, undisturbed spots coming to mind almost immediately. You wanna go shopping? You can ask her for just about anything you want, she’ll give you extras to go this time too. You wanna stay in and watch a comfort movie? While she may not be one for watching movies, she will make an exception for you. She always does when she can.
Discussing those plans with you, she’ll try to make you smile at least a little bit. Once she’s sure you’re not afraid of her anymore, she’ll give your cheek a little kiss, joking around a bit more than she did before. She won’t bother you for the rest of the evening unless you explicitly seek her out, but she will keep an eye out for you, leaving you a few snacks right in front of your door. Maybe even some money so you can get yourself something fancy and nice. Problem is, she likely won’t have too much time, but she’ll be damned if she won’t take better care of you, if just temporarily. Even though she’ll always try her best to take care of you, it’s you we’re talking about, after all.
Farah: Another stressful day during the revolution. With an ambush surprising her, leaving her and her people a bit more vulnerable than usual, with her almost losing some of her best and closest fighters, it was only natural for Farah to be a bit more on edge than usual. Normally so calm, able to calculate the best moves and maneuvers for just about anything, no matter what happens, this was something she did not foresee at the time, thinking she had had the upper hand instead. It was only when she finally had the time, just a day or two, for you, mad as she usually never was, that she walked through the door, throwing her gun to the cabinet. Despite not being such a loud person, a sniper had to be quiet and patient, after all, she made quite a ruckus when she had finally returned. You were ready to greet Farah, give her a big smile and make her feel welcome and home as only you could. Soon enough, however, you did feel that something was off. Despite being stressed more often than not, she usually wouldn’t scowl at you like that for no reason.
You offered her a hug, opening your arms wide despite your expression betraying your nervousness. Aside from a glare, you got no reaction. Eventually, you put your arms down and she greeted you, venom spewing from her words. The toxins could corrode even the strongest iron walls, leaving you defenseless in your fear. Did you do something this time? Likely not, Farah just got home after all, but the thought still lingered. Although she was normally so chatty when she was just a bit exhausted, she stomped away, not saying a single word to you. First the bathroom, then the kitchen and lastly her bedroom. The clanking of cutlery against a plate could be heard, but that’s about it. You felt awful, something properly terrible must have happened to her for her to act like that. But it wasn’t like you could change it, so you lowered the volume of your TV instead before turning it off entirely and reading something on your phone.
Another few hours had passed, you barely even dared to move a muscle aside from scrolling on your phone, much less make any noise. What if it was you after all? What is Farah was about to leave you for something you didn’t even know about? Your thoughts spiraled, with every following one being worse than the previous one. You folded the blanket and put it on the arm of the couch, ready to head to bed when you bumped into her. Quickly, you uttered an apology before being ready to dart off to your own room, but Farah held you in place, asking you if you had a moment to spare and listen to her. It was dark already, with the dim artificial lights doing you no favors in seeing her any better either, but she sounded calmer than before. Still slightly annoyed, but it seemed like whatever had gotten into her had lessened its grasp on her. Tugging you onto the couch, she apologized for giving you such a harsh and cold treatment, simply figuring that waiting until she had calmed down would be better than letting it out on you, who had no part in it. The situation was dire for her, she told you a bit about it. About the ambush, about the people she’s almost lost during it. She knew that she really shouldn’t have been acting like that towards you, and for that she apologizes one last time.
Once she was done explaining what had upset her to you, she’d be quiet, remorseful, until you’d speak up again. She’d love to make it up to you, you really didn’t deserve such harsh treatment after all. If you just want a hug or a kiss as a form of apology, she’ll smile at you, being more than willing to give you just that. However, she will also ask you if that’s everything you wanted. That would be your chance to ask for something reasonable from her. Sure, she won’t be able to buy you a new car, but you’re more than welcome to ask her for some alone time, just the two of you. She might only have a day or two away from the fight, which she was going to spend with you either way since she rarely gets to see you, but if you have special requests, that would be the best time to suggest them. There may not be too many fancy restaurants or malls nearby, but you can always just watch a silly movie or take a walk together.
Farah would literally swear to you that she’s going to make it back in one piece to you. After all, there’s no one else she’d rather roam the streets with during a beautiful cloudless night. Besides, she made two promises that night: to make it back to you and to make it up to you. Farah would fight any deities out there to make it back to you, no matter if it was a losing battle or not. If it’s you then she’ll fight as dirty as possible to see you smile again.
Laswell: She was likely taken off a case, in spite of her having enough evidence to prove everything that needed to come to light. With her wit, with her having the right people at her disposal, she could have brought this to an end. However, her incompetent superior had other plans, letting it all rot in darkness instead, until everyone forgot it ever even happened. Laswell was furious, no matter how much she argued, her superior wouldn’t budge and for that she silently cursed. Normally so calm and composed, this time she wished she could have blown someone’s brain out for being the dumbest creature alive. But alas, such a thing was illegal, if someone ever were to find out. She entertains the idea for a few minutes, but quickly enough shakes her head, thinking of other ways to accomplish her goal. Walking through the door, she already heard you singing along to some tune, the music unnecessarily loud. You likely didn’t hear her come in, which in and of itself wouldn’t have been a problem. On any other day.
Only when she turns off the music do you realize she’s here. However, her grimace was already telling. Shyly, you greeted her, but not much else, letting her speak instead. The fury had gotten to her head, her face being slightly more red than usual. This time, she was stern, telling you that you really shouldn’t listen to your dumb music this loudly at such an hour. She was going to get a massive headache from today, if only because of you needing to turn up the volume impossibly high. While Laswell wouldn’t yell at you, her words would be sharper than an obsidian knife instead. Indeed, she’s not trying to actively hurt you, in fact, once her little lesson on you maybe being a bit more quiet is over, she’ll feel bad, apologizing immediately. It would take her much, much longer than that to actually calm down, but once she sees your scared, saddened expression, unable to really say much, she’ll say she’s sorry and let you go, watching you as you quietly trot away with your head hung low. Sighing to herself, she already comes up with plans on making it up to you, but she knows she can’t control her anger as she was right now.
A few hours later, you’d hear the bell ring, but not be quite ready to leave your room just yet. It likely was for Laswell, not for you, so you simply stayed put, hoping that she had calmed down a bit by then. However, your ears would perk up upon hearing her knock on your door, asking you to come to the living room so you could eat something together. Despite being a little bit skittish still, afraid to anger her further, you soon enough noticed she had calmed down again, with your favorite takeout from a restaurant you usually suggest lying on the table. Once seated, Laswell opened the packages, handing you your food. In a much more serene tone, she’d apologize yet again. Your music wasn’t dumb, it wasn’t giving her a headache, she just had a very rough day and needed some peace and quiet. Laswell hopes you can understand this, even if she did treat you unfairly. She recognizes that, and that she also tells you, with her promising to try her best to not have it happen again.
Laswell won’t go into detail either regarding what happened, for obvious reasons, only that some inconvenience happened today, which upset her a great deal. But that wasn’t what was important at that moment. She was calm, hopefully you were as well. And if not, then she’d try her darndest to make it that way. Considering she, technically speaking, had more time that day, and the following ones as well, she’d be the one to suggest going out the next evening. Maybe a nice and fancy restaurant, maybe a show like a musical at the broadway. Or maybe the two of you just want to take a vacation somewhere nearby. Either way, Laswell has plans for the two of you, having brainstormed a few in the past few hours. She’ll get her way at work eventually, it just might take some time, so she’ll happily “indulge” her superior for a few days before going back to crack the case either way. It would make her all the less suspicious. Besides, she’d get to spend time with you as well, even if all you wanted was to just go window shopping at the local mall.
That evening, she’d likely just want to watch TV with you, continuing to discuss your plans for the next few days. But after that she’s more than happy to book whatever it is you want to do afterwards. While she might not be the biggest fan of such, she will even go to the nearest Six Flags with you and ride a few attractions just to see you smile and hear your laughter, as well as excited screams, yet again.
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purble-gaymer · 6 months
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autistic soldier in his late teens is doing about as well as you’d expect (based on this post from earlier)
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musical-chick-13 · 2 years
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I think people who pick one character from AsoIaF/GoT to be The Protagonist are missing the point, because pretty much all of the characters think THEY are The Protagonist™ and that’s ultimately what screws them over.
(I also want to preface this by saying that that’s the reason I find these characters so interesting, and that this is not meant to insult any of them. I LOVE this story, and this is one of the many reasons why.)
Cersei thinks she’s the Villain Protagonist™ of a gritty drama. Even if it doesn’t make sense for things to work out for her, she assumes they will, seeing everyone around her as faceless idiots serving her narrative. Anyone and everyone will betray her because that’s what always happens in stories like this, so she won’t give them a chance to ever get there. People will move the way she assumes they will; everyone is predictable and stupid and shallow and cowardly. And as such, no one possesses the necessary skills to take her down. If she’s more ruthless and ambitious and paranoid than everyone else, she’ll get what she wants. But that’s not how life actually works, so all she does is alienate those around her, even necessary allies. People aren’t always predictable, not all of them are compliant or subservient or easily-frightened or incompetent. And if you prioritize ruthlessness and distrust, the people who aren’t those things aren’t going to see any reason to keep you around or give you aid.
Jaime thinks he’s a Cynical Misunderstood Antihero. He doesn’t need to work on bettering himself or de-internalizing his violent impulses, because he’s not the problem, it’s society, it’s people’s incorrect assessment of him. Look, he made a friend in Brienne, that must mean he’s not all bad, right? He thinks this story ends in a Public Image Rehabilitation, but he still conflates love with violence, and he still has a fucked up relationship with consent, he’s arrogant to a fault, he still insults Brienne (and just about everyone else) when the opportunity presents itself, and he never bothers trying to change that. And it’s all of this that prevents him from every truly becoming a good person. He’s so mired in this idea of being misunderstood that he doesn’t make a concerted effort to prove that he actually is. People think he’s an oath-breaker, that he has too big of an ego, that he doesn’t care about the people he swore to protect, and he thinks that simply going, “Yeah, but they don’t have the whole picture” is enough in and of itself to prove them wrong because, in a lot of stories, it is. But all his behavior does is cement his reputation as these things.
Dany thinks she’s The Chosen One, which means whatever she does is automatically the right decision. People will accept her rule because it’s hers, she deserves it, it’s morally right. All of her enemies are blanketedly wrong on all accounts in all cases. Her goals supersede anyone else’s because those goals are the way to a Happy Ending, and she doesn’t consider that other people might not see it that way. Many people’s gripes with her stem from gross places like misogyny or wanting to continue keeping slaves, but she forgets to acknowledge that some people’s issues with her might actually be valid. And that The Chosen One is actually a terrifying idea to people outside that person’s immediate personal context. She has three sentient WMDs, essentially. And if she thinks that using them is always morally correct, that the fallout from doing so can’t possibly be a problem because she’s using them and it’s for a noble cause, you end up with what happened in Astapor; and you end up with Drogon killing a child in Mereen and, eventually, her demise at the end of the show.
Sansa starts out thinking she’s an Optimistic Child Hero in a fairytale. This leads to her being held captive at court (she trusted that the authority figures were benevolent), writing a letter to her family that almost comes back to bite her to a deadly degree once her sister finds out in the show (she thought she could solve everything herself via a peaceful resolution), and to her trusting a complete monster of a boy until it’s too late (she thought he was Prince Charming). She thinks that being the Soft, Beautiful Heroine means people will love her and everything will end nicely and neatly, but sometimes instead of “love”, people just take advantage of you. And sometimes their reaction to your beauty isn’t innocent appreciation-sometimes you end up with Littlefinger. (Or Tyrion or The Hound who...let’s just leave it at “they have their own issues,” especially book-wise.) This morphs into assuming that a fairytale-esque betrayal will befall her with every new person she meets. It’s why she defends Petyr after his murder of Lysa, and it’s why she doesn’t leave with Brienne; if she’s going to be betrayed anyway, she might as well at least stick with a villain she understands.
Ned thinks he’s the Noble Hero in a typical fantasy series. He doesn’t consider everyone else’s capacity for cruelty or the idea that honor alone might not be enough. Sometimes there are no perfect choices, sometimes mercy does not give you the end goal you envisioned, and sometimes you can try your best and that can all be undone by one impulsive, unforeseeable action. You can’t honor your way out of ruthless political conflict.
Robb thinks he’s a Romantic War Hero, and thus everything will magically work out for him. His ideals and his marriage will conquer everything. But he broke a marriage promise to a powerful family, and that has consequences. The world won’t bend to his will, not even if he is doing the right thing or has noble goals, not even if he’s had war success, not even if the people at home love him, not even if he’s in love (show) or doing the most honorable thing he can (books). He thinks that being the hero means he can make it through Westeros without having to play the game, and he gets murdered for it.
Theon thinks he’s an Underdog Outcast Hero. He’ll come up from behind with an unsuspecting War Victory, and that will earn him respect, the love of his family, and a legacy he can look back on with pride. And that mindset leads him to murder two children, to drive away any allies and good grace he had at Winterfell, and the reason that the War Victory he imagined was so unexpected is because it’s completely untenable. He gets more and more desperate and it’s increasingly harder and harder to hold onto the control he’s managed to obtain. He has reasons for wanting this that make sense, and he’s been dealt a pretty bad hand in life, and he thinks that’s and his determination to overcome his personal identity struggles is enough to not only justify his actions, but ensure that those actions will be successful. And then his plan blows up in his face, he assumes he’s been miraculously saved (probably still having something to do with seeing himself as The Unexpected Hero), and ends up at Ramsay’s mercy.
Arya thinks she’s a Badass Heroine in the making, a skilled swordslady and Rebellious Princess who’s destined for more than this stuffy life of politics and dresses and formalities. But rebelling isn’t always enough. It doesn’t help with the Mycah situation, and she still needs to rely on others’ help in getting out of the city after Ned is executed. When she does try to embrace the “fully self-sufficient sword lady” idea while with the Faceless Men in Braavos, she is told to functionally discard her identity completely. She does an unauthorized kill because she, not her assassin-persona-in-training, wants to (though the victim’s identity differs in books and show), which leads to her being temporarily blinded and prevented from going on assassination missions, and outright forced to beg for food in the show. In the show, after being reinstated as an apprentice, she is tasked with killing an innocent person, refuses (rebels), and realizes that this life is one she can’t handle. She goes home, and her heading straight for her sword is one of the things that almost completely ruins her relationship with Sansa. In the upcoming Winds of Winter release, her chapter excerpt has her prioritizing revenge over her apprentice duties, and she remarks that her new identity is ruined with this rebellious action. When you rebel, there are consequences-this doesn’t change just because your intentions are good or because you are or think you are important.
Jon thinks, similarly to Ned, that he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing, that following The Code is paramount. He thinks that, because he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing with the maximum amount of good for everyone will always be a workable option, and that the heroic option will always yield the best result. This is why he thinks proclaiming his love to Ygritte in the show will end well (because love is good and conquers everything) and is, instead, shot by her several times. It’s why he doesn’t foresee a mutiny in either medium, which leads to his (temporary) death. (Let’s be real, he’s getting resurrected in the books, too, this is the one thing I’m sure of.) Because yes, everything is tense and he’s on bad terms with the Watch, but surely they wouldn’t go that far. It’s rough going, and he has to juggle the needs of several widely different groups of people, but he’s doing the right thing and that will win out; his conviction will protect him, at least for the time being while he tries to manage the bigger threat of the White Walkers. The real fight is with them, the mysterious overarching enemy, not within his own ranks. This is a story where everyone puts aside their differences to fight a greater threat-except for the times when it isn’t.
Even Catelyn isn’t immune, as she assumes that Petyr, since he’s her childhood friend, is invested in solving the mystery of what happened to Bran when he tells her the dagger used in the attack was Tyrion’s. Lysa is her sister, she can’t possibly be suspicious. She thinks the Lannisters are evil, her instincts tell her that they were behind everything, she’s the Protective Mother Heroine, so she must be right. But although she is to a certain extent correct, that’s not the complete picture. And this slightly-misplaced confidence leads her to arrest Tyrion, the retaliation of which is Tywin siccing his forces on her homeland, one of the major first steps in the upcoming political war. Then, her continued focus on saving her children-something that must take precedence because they are her children, and this is her story-leads her to taking Walder Frey’s supposed offer of a fix-it solution for Robb breaking his marital pledge at face value, despite House Frey’s reputation, and despite this neat resolution seeming far too good to be true. She’s so focused on the Lannisters-the Obvious Endgame Enemy-that she doesn’t consider the possibility of betrayal from the Freys. She thinks that the world is giving her a break-because she is so desperately looking for one, because she deserves one, because her family deserves one, and those are reasons enough for her to have one-that she doesn’t even bother to re-evaluate the situation until it’s too late.
Melisandre thinks she’s a Religious Hero, but she ends up burning a child alive and alienating one of her few remaining allies in the process (and Davos was barely an ally to begin with). She thinks she’s Doing What Needs To Be Done to serve her savior, but it hurts Stannis more than it helps him, and he just ends up being murdered by Brienne. This is obviously in the show only (at least at this point), and I don’t know if Stannis is going to burn Shireen in the books or not. Stannis thinks he’s the Lawful Hero, and thus, because according to law he’s the Rightful Ruler, anything he does is automatically excusable; he’s just righting a wrong. And in the process, he imprisons his closest friend, has a hand in murdering his brother (when kinslaying is one of the most universally hated breaches of conduct in this fictional universe), allies with a dangerous woman that much of his own court despises, and, in the show, murders his only child and drives away most of the rest of his remaining team.
They all think that, since they are the main characters of their own stories, that they’re the main character of the larger, overarching narrative. That having understandable reasons or sympathetic qualities or even just having a clear goal that they desperately want, that’s enough to cement their importance. And they think that means that they’re justified in everything they do, that everything will work out for them, that the consequences will be lesser for them than for others, because that’s what it’s like to be the main character. The whole point is that there is not A Protagonist™ and that maybe we should examine why a story needs A Protagonist™ in the first place and what that narrative tradition tells us. When GRRM said he turned down adaptation offers because they only wanted to focus on Jon and Dany, this is why.
#asoiaf#got#asoiaf meta#got meta#most of this is directly related to everyone deconstructing the archetypes they would represent in other stories#so I'm not sure how much of this is just 'deconstructing tropes' and how much of it is 'Main Character Perception Syndrome'#also obviously this isn't every character I ran out of room and honestly some of them like davos and brienne and maybe even loras#probably don't think they're The Main Character which there's a whole other essay in there about how they're The Good People#I personally think Bran never gave off 'I think I'm the main character' energy but I know haters will disagree with me on that#like...Idk his sense of self-worth kind of went away and he spent a bunch of time trying to get it back and figure out how to get by#in a society that now thought he was worthless. and how to get enjoyment out of life when his goals were no longer reachable#it read less as 'I think I'm more Important™' and more 'I'm just trying to survive man' but also I love bran I might be a little biased lmao#cersei lannister#jaime lannister#dark!dany#sansa stark#arya stark#theon greyjoy#jon snow#catelyn stark#robb stark#ned stark#melisandre#stannis baratheon#I take my life into my own hands by putting actual names in the tags but I talk about these characters and I don't know how else to tag#this to ensure people who don't want to see it won't have to see it#also for anyone wondering where tyrion is on this list: I was too tired to delve into this phenomenon regarding him because it is ESPECIALLY#prominent regarding him. and this post was already so long and talking about tyrion in this context probably would've made it TWICE as long#there genuinely isn't enough space in here to include him but know that I'm counting him too. most definitely#behold! a creation!
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x-mensirens · 17 days
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stagefoureddiediaz · 6 days
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Something something about Buck and learning and or teaching.
Something something about Buck teaching when he really needed to be learning.
I just keep thinking about how the show has increasingly - especially last season - put Buck into the role of 'teacher' - including his coma dream. (i'm using teacher for the lack of a better term!) and how in the aftermath of the coma dream - he's been trying to teach but it hasn't worked - instead he's been learning.
I've been musing on the fact that even back in season 1 Buck has been in a teacher role -
Abby learning to chose herself and go for her happiness,
Bobby learning to let people in and Buck being a major part of that because of their developing father-son type relationship
'teaching' Eddie that he could rely on other people for help
Maddie learning at Bucks hand that she didn't need to keep running, that she could lean on him for support and build a new life for herself
Ravi being tutored by Buck in the fire house
even Lucy being given advice by Buck - teaching her through his own experiences in dumb luck
Buck making himself into a teacher in his coma dream and the idea that all these people he has helped teach teaching him that he has a place with them and that he is important
and so many more examples through the seasons that I won't list or I'd be here forever!
Because there has been a lot of emphasis on teaching and learning since Buck woke up from his coma - he learnt he was good at maths, but then wasn't allowed to help Chris with his maths homework because it would be cheating.
used his maths skills to win at Poker - but got taught lessons even in victory - rather than teaching others lessons (whatever they might have been)
Natalia being interested in him because he could teach her about death and things going south pretty quickly when it became evident that Buck needed to learn how to live again rather than be stuck in death
And now we've had several mentions by Tommy of him teaching Buck things - teaching him to fly, teaching him Mauy Thai, all the way to him being his bi awakening is teaching him about a part of himself he didn't know. Things are turned on their head - Buck is the student not the master now
Even with Eddie this season, we've seen him teaching Buck things - rather than Eddie learning from him - Eddie handing over this really important thing going on with Chris - Eddie knowing that Buck would be a better option - that Chris would open up to him more - is teaching Buck about his importance in the Diaz family - re-enforcing that he is part of their life. Its also Eddie who has had the good advice for Buck this time rather than the other way round.
Something something about 'you like to be the guy with the answers' to Buck becoming the guy with the (maths) answers - only for it to fade away and now he's having to learn
Something something about the tie to Buck and death and the resurrection and how Christ was the teacher up to and immediately after his death and resurrection when he left others on earth to spread his teachings and he ascended to learn at the right hand of god
Something something about how that is the key to happiness and that is what Buck has figured out and that is why his journey to figuring that out has had him wearing the bright blue - because in Christianity - that shade of blue is the colour of the kingdom of heaven (because it is the colour of the sky!) so putting Buck in it at all these key markers of his journey is showing him as being on the road to ascension.
This post is a mess - I don't even know what it is any more! I started with one idea about teaching and Tommy and then more kept coming and we ended up here!!!!
#I know technically that they all teach and learn from each other and that others were also involved in these scenes#but I'm just interested in the fact that the tables have now been turned on Buck specifically and he is now the student#I think thats interesting as a character study - Buck who learnt to survive on his own and teach himself now getting to go back to learning#look here I am - atheist me blabbering on about religious symbolism around Buck once again!!!#Im fascinated in it though - especially in relation to Eddies catholic guilt and the way that the show is using much more#scientific symbolism around him - hearts and guts and the mind - all working organs (or groups of organs)#that have these metaphorical and intuitive attributes attached to them#but all have important real world functions that a human need to survive#and the fact that we've got Buck to this point of 'ascension' and Eddie effectively working on the last of the three - the gut#well I think that is pretty telling - once Eddie has his gut under control/ worked out (catholic guilt) then he will be in a position to#'ascend' as well.#and don't even get me started on the triangle symbolisim within all of this - the holy trinity and the trifecta of heart mind and gut#because they are playing into the triangles this season - literally every where!!!#I feel like at this point if they put Buck in purple (esp if hes wearing it when buddie go canon) - the holiest of colours and#one associated with magic -then I will be the one ascending - because that would be the ultimate#this show is insane!!#it makes me insane - I'm insane!!#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 abc#911 meta
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naffeclipse · 1 year
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I lived babes
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saltpepperbeard · 10 months
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me realizing i’m going to have to endure the “i’m seeing how this character is going to look and it’s almost sending me into cardiac arrest” thing for almost everyone in s2
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erdasmcnonsense · 6 months
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Okay I know it's not guaranteed by any means, and it's common enough for reds to survive a good while after turning red, but wouldn't it be funny if Martyn were to also be the first out of the game in Secret Life? The canary curse broken by the previous winner because the Watchers are just that done with Martyn's shit by now or whatever
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felizusnavidad · 1 month
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i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them
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shopwitchvamp · 3 months
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If you already aren't getting your security deposit back you could dump grease down the drains, leave nails and nailholes everywhere in the walls, release a snake into the ventilation system. Most of these are unfortunately things best to do if you are planning to move or actually getting ready to move. This is in response to the post about the shoes on the ceiling you rebloged
😂 omg not the vent snakes!!
It'll be a while until we move, but I do hope to escape Texas maybe next year. Our lease just renewed and yeah I'm pretty salty about how much they're raising the rent >;[ Love that it can just go up infinitely without any limits here..
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ragingtwilight · 8 days
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Pup died in WolfQuest now time to uproot the entire pack responsible
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