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#bts humor
saharasnowfall · a day ago
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fave-bts-fics · 2 days ago
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déjà-brew
BY: chlexcer
SHIP: YOONJIN
WORD COUNT: 7115
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: TEEN AND UP
SUMMARY:
according to his employees, seokjin has a crush on the cute guy that comes around and orders an americano every single day. what they don’t know, and what seokjin hasn’t told them yet, is that they’re actually married. (he has his reasons, okay?)
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fave-bts-fics · 4 days ago
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my heart flutters from the sugar high
BY: hoars
SHIP: TAEGI
WORD COUNT: 5945
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: MATURE
SUMMARY:
Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.
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faintydaintyy · 4 days ago
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bitches b bingeing and thinking they can bUrN iT ofF
yes im bitches😭😭
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fave-bts-fics · 5 days ago
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in your eyes (it's where i wanna be)
BY: bonnia
SHIP: YOONMIN
WORD COUNT: 5562
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: TEEN AND UP
SUMMARY:
Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.
(Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)
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fave-bts-fics · 6 days ago
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The New Homeowners Survival Guide
BY: almostblue (fictionalaspect)
SHIP: NAMGI
WORD COUNT: 6045
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: TEEN AND UP
SUMMARY:
"Hyung! Hyung come here, they're getting ready to hang the lights!"
"Kookie," Yoongi said, refusing to turn around as he topped off his whiskey with more whiskey. "Please stop spying on my neighbors through the windows. I don't care if you can see right into their apartment, it's weird. And stay behind the curtains, what if someone sees you and calls the fansites?"
"You do it all the time," Jungkook said, unrepentant. "You literally called me drunk off your ass last week and told me how Namjoon forgot to put the coffee pot under the coffee maker and flooded his own kitchen."
"I was concerned for his manhood," Yoongi replied. "It was a very near miss with very hot water. Also, we agreed that we don't talk about that, what the fuck?"
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fave-bts-fics · 6 days ago
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Medicine
BY: sixtieshairdo
SHIP: YOONSEOK
WORD COUNT: 3901
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: EXPLICIT
SUMMARY:
“Fuck off, fag.”
This time, Hoseok was prepared for it, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt especially when it came from Yoongi, someone he had trusted his secrets with.
“Tell you what. If you don’t take your medication, this fag will kiss you until you do. How about that?”
Yoongi bared his teeth.
“You’re not man enough to try that, Hoseok. Don’t make me laugh.”
“I’ll kiss you with tongue.”
Hoseok shook the bottle of pills in front of Yoongi again, and was not at all surprised when Yoongi smacked it out of his hand, sending the bottle flying across the room, rolling under Seokjin’s bed.
He remembers taking a deep breath, because he had been trembling with frustration, grabbed Yoongi by the neck, thumbs pressed hard into that stubborn jaw, and kissed him, really, really hard.
With tongue.
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submissive-bangtan · 6 days ago
Idk who I want to peg more, Yoongi or Jk 👉🏼👈🏼 I feel like my soft domme self would be more in vibe with Yoongi but I’m kinda lost...
why not both: jungkook because he’s gonna go wild and can clench those muscles (this brat), and yoongi cuz he got a squishy ass and soft moans. he’s the #1 little spoon in bts as well so you know what sex position we’re talking, peg him like one of your french boys.
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skinnyisbetter · 6 days ago
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Honestly, I just need a hug from Kim Namjoon and 97% of my problems will fade away
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breadoffoxy · 7 days ago
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Dense Ice
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Summary: You’re at the rink waiting for Namjoon to finish practice, but two Players won’t let you study in peace.
Written for the BTS Ghosite Marathon. Prompt: AUs: Sports
Drabble: 19/30
Pairing: bookworm n. Reader x Hockey Players Jungkook & Jimin
Genre: humor, fluff
Warnings: language, shy Jungkook, flirtatious Jimin, dense Reader, Hockey pushing and fighting
Word Count: 466
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“Hey.”
“Hey, Jungkook.” You don’t look up at the hockey player who skates up to the edge of the rink, turning a page in your text book and effectively dashing his confidence.
That doesn’t deter Jungkook though. “Um, so,” he clears his throat, “what are you doing after this?”
“Going to get milkshakes with Namjoon and study like I do every Wednesday.” Looking up from your book, you frown and squint your eyes in confusion. “Why?”
“No reason?” Jungkook shies away before shaking his head. No! He skated over here for a reason and goddammit he was going to finally do it! “Um, I was wondering though, if maybe, you’d want to errr…”
It doesn’t help that you’re staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to get on with it.
“Iwaswonderingifyouwantedtogograbsomecoffee?” Jungkook stares at you with wide eyes, feeling every neve of his set on a flustered fire.
“…what?”
God Fucking Dammit!! Jungkook wants the world to eat him up right now. “Um, would you, if you want to…get coffee with me?” Jungkook’s voice turns small and weak at the end and he winces.
“I can’t this week because of my exams,” at Jungkook’s heartbroken expression you quickly add on, “but if you want a group coffee study session, we could do that tomorrow morning?”
Jungkook doesn’t know if he wants shame to eat him up still or to jump in the air with joy. You are incredibly dense, so really any step is almost a step in the right direction. “Y-yeah, tomorrow morning sounds great.”
“Great.”
Your smile makes all of his embarrassment worth it Jungkook decides. “What are you studying, perhaps I can-“ THUMP “oof!”
“Hey, nerds.” Jimin runs his hand through his hair and leans against the edge of the rink after checking Jungkook into the ice.
You roll your eyes and quickly bring your textbook up to hide your face when Jimin winks at you flirtatiously.
Jimin opens his mouth to say more but is interrupted by Jungkook who pushes him as soon as he recovers. The two start roughhousing on the ice in front of you while you just sigh and turn the page of your book, doing your best to shut them out.
A loud whistle screeches from the other end of the ice. An angry looking Hoseok is glaring at the two slacking players and they quickly straighten up at the sound. Their expressions look almost horrified and they quickly dash over to their angry vice-captain.
“They aren’t bothering you too much are they?”
You lower your book to see Namjoon looking at you with a sheepish expression. “Nope, Jungook just wanted to invite me on a study date.”
The hockey captain skates away with a chuckle, feeling sorry for his teammates that fell for his completely dense friend.  
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fave-bts-fics · 8 days ago
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take me out (we're going down)
BY: kaythebest
SHIP: YOONKOOK
WORD COUNT: 20202
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: TEEN AND UP
SUMMARY:
There are a lot of things that Jungkook expected from his junior year of college. General stress. Student debt.
He did not expect to be hit by a car.
It’s going well.
NOTE: Well that was fluffy and cute
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fave-bts-fics · 9 days ago
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Inc.
BY: minverse
SHIP: YOONJIN
WORD COUNT: 43001
CHAPTERS: 6
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: EXPLICIT
SUMMARY:
Corporate Relationship Disclosure Form -- Human Resource Coordinator: Jung Hoseok Section to be completed by Employees Involved: Names: Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin Job Titles: Chief Accountant Supreme, Professional Wet Blanket Nature of Relationship:Friends with Benefits Sex Enemies Length of Relationship: 4 minutes Please Describe Jin's Dick: Shut up Hoseok I see you nasty fucker, you just added this fucking question to the form you didn’t even make sure the font was the same as the original you better hold on to your goddamn cat because I’m coming for you as soon as I’m finished getting- oh fucking hell.
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fave-bts-fics · 11 days ago
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twenty-four
BY: fruitily
SHIP: YOONKOOK
WORD COUNT: 20255
CHAPTERS: 1
STATUS: COMPLETE
RATING: TEEN AND UP
SUMMARY:
“i’m doing a social experiment and writing about it,” taehyung says easily. “i decided to handcuff two people together for twenty-four hours and have them report back to me on the experience. you guys are an ideal pair for this, really, because of your contradictory lifestyles. kookie goes to the gym every day, yoongi hasn’t seen the sun in what, four years -“
“jungkook has a semi-healthy sleep schedule, and yoongi texted me at two a.m. asking if i want to grab dinner,” namjoon supplies.
“i am the pinnacle of health,” yoongi snaps. the handcuffs clink as jungkook lifts their arms.
“so you just. handcuffed us together while we were sleeping?"
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