#beck singing the pink song feel good time ???

[perfunctory-idols]

Today’s b-side has a complicated history. “Feel Good Time” was originally co-written by Beck and William Orbit for an Orbit solo album in 2001/2002. At some point, someone working on the Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle soundtrack got a hold of the song’s demo and requested to use it. Since Sea Change was released around this time, Beck claims he did not want to confuse his audience with a dance track like “Feel Good Time” so soon. The song was changed and re-recorded with Pink on vocals. The song would then go on to be on a Pink album as well as the Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle soundtrack.  

Beck’s version of the song has several more layers of various miscellaneous flourishes plus more pronounced guitar and drums. Arguably the most standout part of Beck’s version is his vocal performance, which feels almost like the Beck of nearly ten years previous but also the more recent Beck tracks of today. For more information on the track, including the lyrics, see here. 

#beck #beck hansen #bside monday #bside #audio #audio link #once saw someone share this with the caption #beck singing the pink song feel good time ??? #lmao cant blame them for not knowing

[zot3-flopped]

The Rolling Stone article (I can read it without subscruption...):

Mitch Rowland could have been designed in a mad scientist’s laboratory as the prototypical soft-spoken guitar dude. He’s a shy rock geek from small-town Ohio who just won a Grammy for Album of the Year, for his work on Harry Styles’ global blockbuster Harry’s House. When he met Styles, he was washing dishes at an L.A. pizzeria, a complete unknown with zero professional experience. All he had was his guitar and his ideas. He didn’t even quit his pizza job until two weeks after he joined Harry, and he still ducks the spotlight in live shows. As Harry has playfully introduced him onstage, he’s “Mr. Mysterious!”

But Rowland might have to finally get used to people noticing him. On his gorgeous solo debut, Come June, released through Styles’ Erskine Records, he ignores pop trends and finds his own voice. It’s all introspective acoustic beauty, a deeply personal song cycle inspired by his hero, the British folk legend Bert Jansch. Rowland is still adjusting to the idea of stepping out on his own. As he admits, “I still feel like I’m walking off a building going onstage to play.”

Come June is full of hushed, gentle ballads, in the mode of Nick Drake or Elliott Smith. Songs like “When It All Falls Down” show off his trademark delicate melodies and breathy vocals. But it’s a real guitar album. “Bert [Jansch] was the dartboard,” he says. “I hit the paint on the wall, but that’s what I was aiming for.” The music has a homemade feel. “I wanted it to sound as wood-y as possible,” he says. “I hope we achieved even a quarter of the way [Neil Young’s] Harvest sounds when you put it on.”

If this talk sounds strange coming from the guy who co-wrote hits like “Watermelon Sugar” and “Golden,” that’s just a sign of the times. Rowland has a unique feel for walking the line between different music worlds, gliding back and forth between mega-pop flash and meditative folk. He and Harry have always made a funny duo — the most flamboyantly charismatic starman in the glam galaxy, next to the shy Midwest boy who’d rather let his guitar do the talking. Onstage, Rowland plays the Mick Ronson/Wendy Melvoin strong-and-silent sidekick to Harry’s Bowie/Prince. But he has his own mystique and his own following. When Styles played London in the summer of 2022, there was fan graffiti on the wall outside Abbey Road, with a drawing that depicted Rowland as George Harrison. It’s the highest compliment any guitar-weeper could ask.

As Harries already know, Rowland has always been brilliant at saying a lot with a quiet sound, as in ballads like “Matilda” or “From the Dining Table.” He co-wrote gems like “Sign of the Times,” “Canyon Moon,” and “Keep Driving,” and his psychedelic guitar freakout steals the show on “She.” He plucks the guitarlele on the fan favorite “To Be So Lonely,” a song that Harry called “the articulation of Mitch’s brain.” Styles sings back-up vocals on Come June, in “Here Comes the Comeback.” But he’s always been Rowland’s most shameless fan. “Super inspiring,” Harry once described him to Rolling Stone. “There’s a magic to Mitch, past him being so good. I feel like he represents a kind of magic to me.”

Come June is the album everyone hoped Rowland would make, except even better. He takes inspiration from contemporary indie-rock guitarists like José González and Jonathan Wilson — not to mention Ben Harper, who contributes lap steel and vocals to “All the Way Back.” Some people might think it’s a pop guy trying to cross over to an indie-rock folk sound, but it’s the other way around: These are his roots. He took an old-school approach to the album, thinking of touchstones like Nick Drake’s Pink Moon. “I wanted it to be under 30 minutes,” Rowland says. “I wanted a quick album, where it doesn’t take long to get into it. It ended up being 37.”

He cut Come June with producer Rob Schnapf, who made classics in the Nineties with Beck and Elliott Smith. The band is minimal — Schnapf, engineer Matt Schuessler on upright bass, drummer Sarah Jones. Rowland and Jones are both in Styles’ band, which is how they met, fell in love, and got married. They now have a toddler son. “If I couldn’t figure out a drum part, Sarah would come down,” Rowland says. “Our son came over one day. It was very cozy. We were always in a groove.”

Jones got to know Schnapf when she drummed on Kurt Vile’s latest album, (watch my moves). When she introduced her husband to the producer, it was a full-circle moment, since Vile was a pivotal influence on Rowland. “When I first played with Harry, I had this voice note on my phone, this slowish riff,” he says. “We sped it up in the end, but it sounded pretty Stones-y slowed down. I was trying to squeeze an idea out of Kurt Vile’s Wakin’ on a Pretty Daze.” The result was the Styles banger “Only Angel.”

Rowland and Jones’ toddler has grown up around Harry Styles shows, so he’s already witnessed plenty of fan hysteria. “We took him to the Green Man Festival in Wales, with all these folk acts, really chilled out, and he’s the only one screaming,” he says with a laugh. “He thinks that’s what you do. So he’ll probably be the only one screaming at my show.”

Growing up in Ohio, Rowland’s first musical love as a kid was his older brother’s drum kit. (He later played drums on “As It Was,” which spent 15 weeks at Number One.) He taught himself guitar, and moved to L.A. in 2013, where he had enough trouble just finding a pizzeria dish-washing gig. He and Harry were from very different worlds — Styles was a global superstar making his solo debut, looking to find his voice after breaking free from One Direction. Rowland had never even heard a One Direction song. But they had an instant chemistry, sharing a fresh, eccentric sensibility.

Their collaboration didn’t make any commercial sense, and people weren’t always shy about letting them know. Rowland grins as he recalls Swedish superproducer Max Martin coming into the studio to hear one of the tracks from 2019’s Fine Linetracks early on: “He gave a list of all the things that were wrong and needed to be changed.” They didn’t take his advice. The song was “Watermelon Sugar,” which became Styles’ first Number One hit as a solo act.

Rowland and Jones were indie rockers, blissfully ignorant about the pop scene. (They’re both obsessed with Guided By Voices.) Then they each met Harry — and suddenly found themselves playing arenas. It was a baptism of fire for both of them. But Jones was a road-seasoned veteran of U.K. bands like Hot Chip and New Young Pony Club, while Rowland had never toured at all. So he experienced some serious culture shock. The first time he ever played New York, it was the legendary Radio City Music Hall. “I went missing,” he admits. “I think I was feeling squirrelly, and I must’ve found an open bar on a different level of the venue, but I was late to getting dressed.” Five or 10 minutes before showtime, manager Jeffrey Azoff pulled him aside. “He said, ‘Do you want to meet Donald Fagen?’ I was like, ‘Fuck you, telling me that Donald Fagen is here! The marquee was scary enough.’”

Rowland calls his pop career “a nice accident,” but he’s authentically fluent in both these worlds by now. “I never wanted to win a Grammy,” he says. “I just never thought about that. How could that even possibly enter my brain?” When he gets star-struck, it’s usually meeting indie-rock heroes like Jonathan Wilson. “Going back to 2012,  when I heard Jonathan Wilson’s Gentle Spirit, I thought, wow, this is something else, and it’s happening now. That was my musical lifeline.” He notes that he met the great indie singer-songwriter Kevin Morby back at the pizza shop, when serving him a birthday pie. “I arranged the pepperoni,” he says proudly.

His first gig at a solo artist was opening for Harry at Dublin’s Slayne Castle — in front of 80,000 people. No pressure. “We were the first one on the bill,” he recalls. “It was us, Annie Mac, Inhaler, and Wet Leg. Like a festival day. So we went on first thinking, ‘They’ll be trickling in,’ but it was already full. That was freaky.” How did the gig feel to him? “I don’t know. I couldn’t look at anybody onstage or out there. I looked at the white dots on the side of the guitar neck until it was over.”

It’s a great rock & roll story — from slanging slices to conquering castles. But in typical understated style, he refuses to take any credit. “I’m only prepared to play a place like Slayne because of all the places Harry’s taken me, and then I’m only playing my music to anyone because of him,” he says. He also won’t accept credit for the meteoric Styles phenomenon, despite co-writing and playing on so many hits. He’s still the same dude who didn’t want to quit the pizzeria. (“I needed the check for the rent,” he says.)

“Harry could have picked any group of people when he decided he was going to go solo,” Rowland continues. “He was massive — he was larger than life. I still can’t believe he wanted to make music with someone who had zero credit to their name, when he could have done the opposite so easily, and everyone would’ve said yes. I’ll never quite get over that.”

But Harry’s gut instincts about Mitch turned out to be justified, to say the least. “He just had a feeling, which says a lot,” Rowland says. “I’ve learned a lot from Harry, but a lot of the most important stuff is to just trust the people around you, and let something be whatever it’s going to be.”

A few years ago, it might have seemed weird to cross over between pop and folk, as Rowland does on Come June. But it’s a sign that pop audiences have gotten more broad-minded. Whenever Styles sings the intensely emotional ballad “Matilda,” with Rowland on acoustic guitar, you can hear a pin drop in the room, even in a stadium. The hush is poignant — nobody even sings along. “Well, everybody’s crying,” Rowland says. “I never play that song facing the crowd. One night I thought, ‘Why don’t I just try it one time facing the crowd?’ But it was too much. It was deep into the tour, and all of a sudden, I’m paying attention, and I almost stopped playing. I thought, ‘God, this is what we’ve been playing every night?’”

He’s hitting the road next spring with the same tight-knit group that made the album. “Sarah’s on drums, Matt’s on bass, and Rob on guitar,” he says. “Everyone who did their bit on the record has said yes to playing live, which is ideal for me. It makes it feel more like a band. When we played Slayne Castle, Rob told me, ‘The last show I played was in ’98 with Elliot Smith.’ So I thought, ‘That’s a nice trajectory.’”

But the toughest audience to impress? His young son. As Rowland says with a smile, “His new thing is putting his hand over the guitar neck when I’m trying to play. He says, ‘No, daddy. No ’tar. Play cars. Come.’ I’ll be in the middle of playing something, but it’s hard to argue with that.” 

Thank you for this! Absolutely lovely. Mitch comes across as so humble still. Really liked this description of Harry:

He and Harry have always made a funny duo — the most flamboyantly charismatic starman in the glam galaxy, next to the shy Midwest boy who’d rather let his guitar do the talking. 

#mitch rowland #mitch rowland rolling stone #harry styles #come june

[spaceorphan18]

Season 1 Songs in Chronological order of release

A couple of things

Duplicates were eliminated

Broadway songs were done by when the show premiered

A few of the songs are the release dates of the versions popularized by other artists - such as Over the Rainbow - to reflect the artists they chose to emulate 

Mash ups were broken up, and songs are treated individually here

If you guys enjoy this - I’ll make ones for the rest of the show, including an comprehensive list. ;) 

1936 -"Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing)" - Louis Prima 1936 - "Smile" -Nat King Cole 1937 - "The Lady Is a Tramp" - Sammy Davis, Jr. 1950 - "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" - Guys and Dolls 1956 - "I Could Have Danced All Night" - My Fair Lady 1957 - "Tonight"- West Side Story 1959 - "Rose's Turn" - Gypsy: A Musical Fable 1960 - "Where Is Love? -"Oliver! 1963 - "It's a Man's Man's Man's World"- James Brown 1964 - "Don't Rain on My Parade" - Funny Girl 1964 - "A House Is Not a Home" - Dionne Warwick 1964 - "Funny Girl" - Barbra Streisand 1966 - I Say a Little Prayer" - Dionne Warwick 1966 - Maybe This Time” - Cabaret 1966 - "Cabaret" - Cabaret 1966 - "You Keep Me Hangin' On" - The Supremes 1967 - "Respect" - Aretha Franklin 1967 - "Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles 1967 - "To Sir, with Love" - Lulu 1968 - Young Girl - Gary Puckett & The Union Gap 1968 - "Hello, I Love You" - The Doors 1968 - "Dream a Little Dream of Me" - The Mamas and the Papas 1969 - "Leaving on a Jet Plane" - John Denver 1969 - "Sweet Caroline" - Neil Diamond 1969 - "Proud Mary" - Ike and Tina Turner 1969 - "You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones 1970 - "One Less Bell to Answer - The 5th Dimension 1971 - "You're the One That I Want" - Grease 1971 - "Imagine" - John Lennon 1972 - "Lean on Me" - Bill Withers 1973 - "Piano Man" - Billy Joel 1973 - “Dream On" - Aerosmith 1974 - "(You're) Having My Baby" - Paul Anka and Odia Coates 1974 - "Tell Me Something Good" - Rufus and Chaka Khan 1975 - "Mister Cellophane" - Chicago 1975 - "All by Myself" - Eric Carmen 1975 - "Home" - The Wiz 1975 - "Run Joey Run" - David Geddes 1975 - "Give Up the Funk - "Parliament 1975 - "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen 1976 - "Somebody to Love" - Queen 1976 - "Shout It Out Loud" - Kiss 1976 - "Beth" - Kiss 1978 - "Le Freak" - Chic 1978 - "Fire" - The Pointer Sisters 1979 - "Highway to Hell" - AC/DC 1979 - "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" - Journey 1980 - "Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen 1980 - Any Way You Want It - Journey 1981 - "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey 1981 - "Endless Love" - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross 1981 - "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" - Dreamgirls 1981 - "Hello Again" - Neil Diamond 1981 - "Physical" - Olivia Newton-John 1981 - "Jessie's Girl" - Rick Springfield 1982 - "Dancing with Myself" - Generation X 1982 - "The Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats 1983 - "Alone" - Heart 1983 - "Jump" - Van Halen 1983 - "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler 1983 - "Pink Houses" - John Mellencamp 1983 - "Faithfully" - Journey 1984 - "Can't Fight This Feeling" - REO Speedwagon 1984 - "Hello" - Lionel Richie 1984 - “Borderline" - Madonna 1984 - "Like a Virgin" - Madonna 1985 - "On My Own" - Les Misérables 1985 - Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves 1985 - "I Dreamed a Dream" - Les Misérables 1986 - Don't Stand so Close to Me  - The Police 1986 - "Papa Don't Preach" - Madonna 1986 - "Hair" - Hair 1986 - "True Colors" - Cyndi Lauper 1986 - Open Your Heart - Madonna 1987 - "Push It" - Salt-n-Pepa 1989 - "Bust a Move" - Young MC 1989 - "Express Yourself" - Madonna 1989 - "Like a Prayer" - Madonna 1990 - "Poison" - Bell Biv DeVoe 1990 - "Vogue" - Madonna 1990 - "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice 1990 - "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer 1990 - "Over the Rainbow" - Israel Kamakawiwoʻole 1991 - "I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd 1991 - "Good Vibrations" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch 1992 - "One" - U2 1993 - "Loser" - Beck 1994 - "I'll Stand by You" - The Pretenders 1995 - "This Is How We Do It" - Montell Jordan 1998 - "The Boy Is Mine" - Brandy and Monica 2000 - It's My Life - Bon Jovi 2000 - "Thong Song" - Sisqó 2001 - "Ride wit Me" - Nelly feat. City Spud 2001 - "Bootylicious" - Destiny's Child 2001 - "What It Feels Like for a Girl" - Madonna 2002 - "Beautiful" - Christina Aguilera 2003 - "Defying Gravity" - Wicked 2003 - Crazy in Love - Beyonce 2004 - Confessions Part II - Usher 2005 - "Gold Digger" - Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx 2006 - "Rehab" - Amy Winehouse 2006 - "Keep Holding On" - Avril Lavigne 2006 - "Smile" - Lily Allen 2007 - "Taking Chances" - Céline Dion 2007 - "Hate on Me" - Jill Scott 2008 - "I Kissed a Girl" - Katy Perry 2008 - "Take a Bow" - Rihanna 2008 - "Mercy" - Duffy 2008 - "Bust Your Windows" - Jazmine Sullivan 2008 - "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" - Beyoncé 2008 - "Last Name"Carrie - Underwood 2008 - Halo - Beyonce 2008 - "No Air" - Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown 2008 - "Gives You Hell" - The All-American Rejects 2008 - "4 Minutes" - Madonna feat.Justin Timberlake  2008 - "Poker Face" - Lady Gaga 2009 - "My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson 2009 - "Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga

#glee #glee musical retrospective #glee songs #look at that big ole gap in the 90s #also remember the show was released in 2009 - hence all the 2008 releases

[scottybrock]

Good - Jade West

A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: “may i request a jade west fic? maybe something where you both have crushes on each other but are either too stubborn/too shy to admit it. one of them ends up admitting it tho in the end” 

“For the millionth time, I don’t like Jade like that!” You exclaimed, narrowing your eyes at the nosy, waifish brunette standing in front of you. Tori only smirked at you, igniting your fury even further. You clenched your jaw, then slammed your locker shut. You smirked slightly when the noise made Tori jump beside you, a semi-fearful expression that dimmed her pretty features. You turned to face your friend, sighing. “Even if I did,” You were cut off by her high-pitched squeal. “NO!” You shouted.

Tori rolled her eyes at you. “You sound exactly like her,” She pointed out. You scowled at her, then turned back to the locker. “Even if I did like her, she wouldn’t like me like that, anyways. So do me a favor and keep your trap shut.” You walked away without waiting for an answer, leaving behind an affronted and offended looking Tori. 

Across the building, Beck was trying to get Jade to admit that she liked you. He and Jade had broken up a few months ago- a pretty amicable split, compared to the last two breakups. Jade had broken up with him. He wasn’t surprised; he could feel her distancing herself from him- at the time, he didn’t know why, but he had a feeling it had to do with a certain someone. Surprisingly, he wasn’t upset by it. He loved Jade, sure, but his feelings for a certain ditzy redhead were making themselves known. 

“Dude, for the millionth time, I don’t like her like that!” Jade tried to protest. Really, there was no use. She had dated Beck for close to four years- he knew her better than most people. Most people, but not you. You knew her mood swings and her snappiness better than you knew the fucking alphabet. It was scary. Jade hated letting people get to know her- the real her, behind all of the yelling and angriness that she portrayed. She made herself seem like this unstoppable force of nature, and while she truly was most of the time, another big portion of the time, she wasn’t. 

She wasn’t as scary as she tried to make herself to be. Underneath the dark scowls and darker clothes, she had a big heart, and an even bigger capacity for love. But nice people always got taken advantage of- she was guilty of using people, too. She used Tori plenty of times, using Tori’s own words and twisting them into something that would benefit her. She wasn’t proud of it, but she’d done it. She wasn’t innocent.

It scared her to death, to think that you wouldn’t like her, once you got to know the real her. Little did she know, you already did. It only made you like her even more. You always knew that her anger and sharp words were just a facade. You figured it out pretty quickly. But you’d never tell Jade that. 

“Jade, really, she-” Beck tried, but Jade cut him off. “NO!” She yelled. Beck simply rolled his eyes. He wasn’t intimidated by Jade. He never had been. Cat flounced up to the both of them, her bright red hair tied up in two pretty pig-tails. Her big brown eyes met Beck’s, and she offered him a shy smile. Jade raised an eyebrow as Beck’s cheeks flushed. He was the very definition of cool and collected- he never blushed. 

“Hi, hi, hi!” Cat chirped in her typical sing-song voice. “What’re we talking about?” She asked, twirling a red pig-tail between her tiny fingers. Beck’s voice cracked when he spoke, and Jade snorted, earning herself a sharp nudge to her ribs. “We’re talking about how Jade likes-” Cat cut him off, bouncing on her toes. “Oh! I was listening to her and Tori argue about telling Jade that she-” 

“CAT!” You screeched, sprinting over to the tiny redhead. Cat let out a muffled squeak, ducking behind Beck for protection. He stood in front of you, blocking the petite redhead from your murderous gaze. “Whoa! Chill!” Beck exclaimed. Cat pressed herself against Beck, her tiny frame trembling with fright. 

“What was she going to say?” Jade asked, looking amused. You narrowed your eyes at the beautiful girl in front of you. Jade’s hair was softly curled, and her bright blue eyes glimmered with mirth. She was wearing a form-fitting black dress, that clung to her curves like a second skin. Her milky white legs looked like they went on for miles. You blinked rapidly. Her full lips were stained an enticing shade of burgundy, and you inhaled sharply. You idly wondered if her lipstick smudged easily- wanted to put it to the test.

“Anyone there?” Jade teased, waving her hand in front of your face. You blinked once more, then refocused on the girl in front of you. “She wouldn’t have said anything,” You replied, your voice calm and collected. Jade raised an eyebrow at you, not believing it for one second. “What were you guys talking about?” You asked, desperately wanting to change the subject. 

Luckily, Cat began speaking before you decided to slam your head into a locker over and over again. “We were talking about how Jade likes-” Cat was abruptly cut off, Jade’s hand slapping over her mouth. Jade dug around in her purse with her free hand. She came out with a coloring book and a box of markers. “Color the pretty flowers,” Jade snapped. Cat let out a muffled squeal of delight, her hands grabbing the coloring book and markers from Jade’s outstretched hand. 

Beck guided Cat away from the situation, his strong hands on her tiny shoulders. She leaned into his touch, then smiled up at him cheerily. He grinned back down at her. You glanced at Jade, but much to your surprise, she looked calm- serene, almost. Her bright blue eyes shined brighter than the sun, and her pretty face was soft with a smile, aimed directly at you. 

“I heard some rumors,” Jade’s voice was soft, shy. It wasn’t often that she sounded so vulnerable. “That you like me. Are they true, or am I getting my hopes up for nothing?” Jade asked. You blinked at her, surprise coating your features. Jade shifted under your gaze, biting her lip. “I like you.” She softly admitted. 

You blinked at her once more, your eyelashes brushing against the tops of your cheekbones. You smiled, your cheeks flushing a pretty shade of pink- the color of cherry blossoms in the spring. “I like you, too.” You replied. Jade’s shy smile morphed into something more sure-looking- a broader smile. “Good,” Jade smiled. You tilted your head at her. “Good?” You repeated, your voice curling it into a question. 

Jade stepped closer to you, her pretty blue eyes shining. “That way, it’s not weird when I do this.” With that, she grabbed your face gently in her hands, pressing her lips to yours. Your hands flew to her waist, pulling her closer. Your eyes fluttered shut. Jade’s lips were soft against yours, but her kiss was hungry, longing. 

When air became a problem for the both of you, you pulled away. Your lips were kiss-swollen, and your expression was one of complete adoration. “That was…” You trailed off. Jade lifted a pierced brow, smirking at you. “Good?” She asked. You reached over to brush a lock of hair behind her ear, smiling when she leaned into your touch. “Yeah,” You replied softly. “Good.”

#jade west #jade west x reader #jade x reader #jade west fanfic #jade west fanfiction #tori vega #beck oliver #cat valentine #victorious

[atinyrabbit]

love/hate songs

Since 8tracks is messed up and playmoss is gonna disappear and Spotify doesn't have many songs, I’m posting some of my playlists here. This is a list of songs about love/hate relationships for pairings. Enemies to lovers, tsundere personalities, hero/villain couplings, opposites attract, loving someone you know you shouldn't. This list is several years old so the songs are older and kinda ‘scene.’

Major trigger warnings for the lyrics of these songs. Some songs have violent lyrics. This playlist romanticizes conflict.

Song list under read more:

Love to Hate You - Erasure Nicotine - Panic! at the Disco Don't Let It Go To Your Head - Fefe Dobson Your Love Will Kill Me - Daniel Lavoie Bruises and Bitemarks (Remix) - Good With Grenades October & April - The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon Violator - Son of Rust Sick Amore - El Creepo Disgusting - Ke$ha Dangerous - Depeche Mode Oleander - Mother Mother Fear & Delight - The Correspondents Love is a Suicide - Natalia Kills Sex as a Weapon - Pat Benatar I'd Love To Kill You - Katie Melua Before I Ever Met You - Banks Rent - Pet Shop Boys Helpless When She Smiles - Backstreet Boys Holy - Zolita Strangelove - Depeche Mode I Won't Say (I'm In Love) - Susan Egan Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd Only You - Ellie Goulding Devil Devil - Milck Livin' In A World Without You - The Rasmus  

Hate Love - Adelitas Way Suddenly - Peter Heppner Sick and Twisted Affair - My Darkest Days Radioactive Mirrors - Amazinglyjon Dangerous - Cascada Violence (Club Mix) - Grimes & i_o This Is Love - Air Traffic Controller Make Hate To Me - Citizen Soldier Gently Break It - Beck Pete Portrait of a Female - Cruel Youth This Could Be Love - Alkaline Trio Lie, Lie, Lie - Myra You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi I Only Wanna Be With You - Volbeat Maybe You're Not the Worst Thing Ever - Cast of Galavant I've Got You Under My Skin - Seether Human - Oh Land Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Mozart, L'Opera Rock Can't Help Falling In Love [Light x Dark Remix] - feat. Brooke Tommee Profitt Fell For You - Green Day Stupid Grin - Dragonette Broken - Lauren Hoffman Take Me to Church - Hozier Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis Whip - Mr.Kitty   Get You Off - Fefe Dobson Crazy Girl - Ke$ha Vice - POP ETC Cannibal - Silversun Pickups Rest in Peace - Original Cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Hem of Your Garment - Cake Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge Truth Or Dare - Marianas Trench We Sink - CHVRCHES Gingerbread Man - Melanie Martinez You Stupid Girl - Framing Hanley   Die For You - Red F*cking Boyfriend - The Bird & The Bee Mean - Nicole Dollanganger Must Be Crazy for Me - Melissa Etheridge That Girl - Alexz Johnson FMLYHM - Seether Bad Romance - Halestorm Aquarius - Within Temptation Flirt (With Me) - Zeromancer I'm With Stupid - Pet Shop Boys Stop This Song (Love Sick Melody) - Paramore Trying Not To Love You - Nickelback Kill for You - Zolita A Love Like War - All Time Low You Need Me - SWANS Hatef--k - The Bravery Bottled Affection - Cold War Kids True Love - ThouShaltNot Terrible Thing - Ag I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters Exit Wounds - The Romanovs Gun - Chvrches Every Breath You Take - Chase Holfelder Whole Lotta Love - Smash Mouth Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps XXX - Imran-C Bitter Rivals - Sleigh Bells Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer Love Me Dead - Ludo Paralyzed - The Used River - Bishop Briggs Neon - VERSA Sucker For Pain - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand Beautiful Monster - Ne-Yo I Own You - Birgit Let Me Be Your Armor - ASSEMBLAGE 23 Perfect Enemy - t.A.T.u. Straight for the Knife - Sia One More Night - Maroon 5 I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha The Moth - Aimee Mann Mad Love - The Veronicas Toxic (Acoustic Britney Spears Cover) - Johnny Goth Bad Intentions - Digital Daggers Shut Up - Nick Lachey Soldier - Bitter Ruin First Bad Habit - Vanessa Hudgens In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC You'll Be Back - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton & Jonathan Groff Crazy In A Good Way - VERIDIA Combat Baby - Metric In Bluebeard's Castle - Unwoman When Doves Cry - Prince State of Seduction - Digital Daggers Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert Broken Inside - Broken Iris Murder (feat. Minx, Chilled) - Boyinaband Why Do You Love Me - Charlotte Lawrence Follow You Home - Nickelback Love To See You Cry - Enrique Iglesias Impressed - Natalie Imbruglia Die For You - Megan McCauley Your Kind (Speak to Me) - Danger Radio Tyrant - The Bravery Violent Games - Polica Toxicated Love - NEO Nemeses (feat. John Roderick) - Jonathan Coulton Miserable - Lit Running From My Shadow - The Velvet Teaparty Barricade - Stars Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash Desire - Meg Myers Sticks And Stones - The Pierces Just the Girl - The Click Five Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas Blood - In This Moment I'm Insane - Myah Marie Fiction (Dreams In Digital) - Orgy Whore - In This Moment Monster - Ryan Adames Foundations - Kate Nash Only When I Lose Myself - Depeche Mode Hatchet - Archive The Beginning of the Twist - The Futureheads Change - Deftones Trust Me - Marc Senter Love Me Hate Kiss Me Kill Me (Scndl Remix) - Fukkk Offf Big Bad Handsome Man - Imelda May The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy My Obsession - Cinema Bizarre Stitches - Orgy Miss Kiss Kiss Bang - Alex Swings Oscar Sings! Sweet Dreams - Beyonce Fuel To The Fire - The Maine Closer (Nine Inch Nails Cover) - Niki Barr Band Clueless - Orla Gartland Devil Woman - Cliff Richard Hatefuck - Motionless In White I Love You But I Don’t Like You - Molly Moore Overpower Thee - AUF dER MAUR Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - All Time Low Post Blue - Placebo Genghis Khan - Miike Snow Poison - Alice Cooper I Know I'm A Wolf - Young Heretics Little Toy Gun - honeyhoney I Miss the Misery - Halestorm Dirty Sticky Floors (radio mix) - Dave Gahan Clarity - Zedd I Get A Kick Out Of You - Frank Sinatra I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts Die for You - Otherwise Labyrinth - Oomph! Black Black Heart - David Usher I Want to Destroy Something Beautiful - Josh Woodward I'm a Priest - Daniel Lavoie You Need Me - SWANS Afraid of the Dark - Phildel Virus - Ryan Adames I Wanna Be Your Dog (remix) - Emilie Simon Hello Goodbye - The Beatles Sarcasm (Album Version) - Get Scared Use Me - Hinder Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars Pretty When You Cry - VAST Tainted Love - Soft Cell Scream - Avenged Sevenfold Think About It - Danger Radio Gallery Piece - Of Montreal Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls Little Girls - Say Anything I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace Love Runs Out - OneRepublic Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins Hit Me Like a Man - The Pretty Reckless Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine) - K'naan Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp Addicted - Kelly Clarkson Whiplash - FEMM Paralyzer - Finger Eleven Crime - Temposhark Misery Loves Company - Emilie Autumn It Was Good for You Too - Marian Call Price Of Company - The White Tie Affair Burn! - Kobra And The Lotus I Love My Lawyer - Ofelia K I Want Blood - empires (I Always Kill) The Things I Love (ft. The Real Tuesday Weld) - Claudia Brucken Misery (Cutmore Radio) - Maroon 5 Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar I Lust You - Neon Neon Pistol Whipped - Marilyn Manson Bitches Brew - Crosses A Formidable Marinade - Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen Control - Puddle of Mudd Scary Love - Skye Sweetnam Loveyouhateyou - Sad Robot Untangle Me - Snow Ghosts A Little Taste - Skyler Stonestreet E.V.O.L - Marina and the Diamonds   (You're the) Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley Shut Up & Kiss - Me Orianthi Cool for Chaos - Nostalghia Oyeme - Enrique Iglesias I Hate You - Sick Puppies GirlShapedLoveDrug - Gomez You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You're Drunk - Pet Shop Boys Need You Like A Drug - Zeromancer Werewolf - Cat Power Bathwater - No Doubt Bad Dog - Neon Hitch Guns And Horses - Ellie Goulding Rev 22-20 - Puscifer Won't You Please Be Nice - Nellie McKay The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails Until The Day I Die - Story of the Year Womanizer - Britney Spears Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations I Think I Love You David Cassidy Stalkers - Mindless Self Indulgence   Kill Me Every Time - Blue Stahli Preface - FKA twigs Every You Every Me - Placebo Want - Disturbed Spit It Out - IAMX Destroy Me - Mr Kitty My Sweet Prince - Placebo Psycho - Imelda May Monster - Meg Myers Figured You Out - Nickelback Suffocated Love - Tricky Satisfy Me One More Time - Frank Sinatra This Love - Maroon 5 Miss Jackson (feat. Lolo) - Panic! At The Disco Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar Every Other Time Lyte - Funky Ones How Do You Love Someone - Ashley Tisdale Poison - Gin Wigmore Bitter and Sick - One Two The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds True Love (feat Lily Rose Cooper) - Pink Bad Boy - Cascada Irresistible - Temposhark Painkiller - The Queenstons Born to Die / Russian Roulette - Amazinglyjon Like Sugar - Matchbox Twenty Mad About You - Hooverphonic Stupify - Disturbed Problems - Mother Mother What Is Love - Haddaway Animal - The Cab Marionette - Antonia I Hate You But I Love You - Russian Red Carve A Name - Mother Mother Criminal - Britney Spears Danger - Hilary Duff Fell in Love w/an Android - Simon Curtis Demon Lover - Róisín Murphy Always - Saliva Too Close - Alex Clare Little of Your Time - Maroon 5 Sex and Violence - Scissor Sisters Electric Storm - Delta Goodrem Black widow - Susanne Sundfør Dangerous Kind - Rasmus You've Really Got a Hold on Me - The Miracles Over and Over - Three Days Grace Devour - Marilyn Manson Nature of Inviting - IAMX The Odd Couple - Weezer Hurt Me Harder - Zolita Terrible Love - The National Mad Love - Jojo Boomerang - Reliant K Bad News - Sleeper Agent I Was An Island (EP Version) - Allison Weiss Rock Bottom - Hailee Steinfeld You’re the One That I Want - Lo Fang Poison - Rita Ora Kill For You - Skylar Grey ft Eminem Wouldn't Be Love - Ritual Hate Me - Nico Collins Irresistible - Fall Out Boy I Love You... I'll Kill You - Enigma

#enemies to lovers #fanmix #three days grace #simon curtis #love hate #Playlist

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Three, “Rebecca Ann”

*Not my gifs and ugh it was SO hard to find good ones, sigh* 

Word Count: 11.6k words /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad /  Song will be at the end, so as not to give anything away ;) 

“She is led by love, the world moves for love . . it kneels before it in awe."

- Edward Walker, The Village 

“So, what happened in the story next?”

“Are you sure you can stay awake for another chapter, love?” I wheeze, fingers combing through the satiny loose curls that I push away from her eyes. The very pair that I’ve seen so many times in the mirror. “You’re getting tired, Bean. It’s been a long day for you with school and swim team practice.” 

“I know, but I can stay awake. It’s getting good.” 

“Pinky P?” I almost giggle, holding out my littlest finger that she hooks hers with. Without fail, I could still picture how tiny her fingers were the first time I saw them, and my how they’ve grown. I think it’d be safe to say somebody is going to have big hands, too. 

“Yeah, it is, but . . . ,” my words escape me momentarily. Distracted, I stop, hearing the sound of a cry from upstairs, wishing that he would walk into the room. That he would help me with this part, and the ones that follow.

“But, what?” 

I’d been called it every day for the last almost ten years, but it still was hard to get used to at times, especially now with the story I tell. I had a hard time sometimes believing how lucky I’d gotten, and she only reminds me as I watch her eyes lull at the feeling of my hand in her hair. Just like somebody I know. 

“But it gets sad, love, because you know, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.” 

“Stop it, you sound like you’re making up rubbish rules, just like Daddy,” the beloved word falls from her rosebud lips, and we can’t contain our laughter. The imperfect perfections in her cheeks and the sing-song laughter that peels from her lips makes this all the more surreal for me, like I’m looking right at him. “Now, keep going, Mum. I want to hear more of your story.” 

/

It was never really an awkward silence with Harry, save for the few times after we had a row. No, it hadn’t been anything but comfortable since well, before we had started dating. Maybe even not long after I’d become his assistant, if you’re not counting that painful in between time. Today wasn’t one of those times, but sometimes I may have made it awkward when I couldn’t stop staring at him, just like the way I currently watch as his eyelashes flutter against his skin. 

“Skye and Asher?!” the voice says from the phone pressed to my ear. 

“Yep. I still can’t believe it.” 

“Well, I’ll be darned . . huh,” my dad concludes with a soft laugh. “I hope he knows how much trouble he’s in for.” 

“Me too. Skye was pissed with me at first for not introducing them sooner. As if I should’ve known she’d fall in love the second she saw him.” 

“That sounds like her,” he muses with nostalgia carried in his voice. A recent memory sits in my mind from the other day when Skye told me the very story that I’m retelling. The apparent love at first sight with Asher and their first date, a rushed love story at best compared to Harry and I’s. He griped about it, Harry, feeling bad for Asher not knowing what was going to hit him. He had his hands full, alright, both boys. “So, how are things with you and Harry then, Boops?”

“Good, really good,” the answer comes easily to me, yet in a hushed voice as I try not to speak too loudly. My next words pause when a furrow gathers between his two brows, easily remedied by the pad of my thumb. 

“Your trip went well?”

“Yeah, it was loads of fun seeing his family. I met a few more of them, and they’re all so alike. The cheesy sense of humor, love of board games, and they’re kind as can be,” memories bubble up with my words of our trip to Harry’s hometown close to a week ago. 

“Well, it was good to talk to you and catch up, love, but I have to get going to work. You too probably soon, huh?”

“Yeah, and you too, Dad. I miss you . . you’re sure you can’t come up soon for a day or something?” I ask, almost holding my breath, despite knowing it won’t help his answer to sound like the one I want. 

“Not sure, Ree, I’ll have to see how it’s going with the next build, we’re getting busy.” 

“Okay, I hope you can come up somehow . . Well, I’ll talk to you on Monday, Dad,” listening to his subsequent goodbye, I set down my phone, sighing. Shielding a hand over my forehead, I move my legs under the covers, feeling his warm pair. 

It wasn’t often that I’d be awake before Harry, because somehow he was always up early, even on the weekends. Not today, though. I for once had been up before him. It was nice, getting to enjoy him like this, especially considering the way he drove me up the wall yesterday. Silent, asleep Harry was far preferable to me right now. He also couldn’t protest the lazy attempts I made at styling his hair differently when he was asleep, considering he slept like a log. 

The colors had begun to change outside, and the shops were building their candy supplies in preparation for the scary holiday. Despite Fall settling around us, a golden tinge still clung to Harry’s skin. Underneath his golden necklace, at the point of his nose, and around his many tattoos. It still surprised me, the four numbers in my handwriting permanent above his heart. It had been filled with so many firsts, and hopefully a few lasts. 

Glancing at the clock, I found that our alarm still wouldn’t be going off for a good while. Albeit he couldn’t be more handsome when asleep and knowing what I’m about to do, I fight my way into his arms. His groan is instant and so is the smile I try to hide from my lips. 

“Mmm, Becks, ‘m sleepin,’” Harry whines against me, his body like jelly. His arms still find their way around me and so does his chin hooking over top of my head. 

“I just wanna cuddle you before work.” 

“Fine,” it’s a sighed answer in return, but I hear the defeat in his voice. The way sleep beckons for him, his soft snoring soon resuming. His chest is balmy under my cheek where I lay it, listening for the sound of his heart. Next to his laugh, it was my favorite sound. 

It seemed to be a recurring theme throughout today, stealing glances at Harry when he wasn’t noticing, like now as he flips through his menu.

“Are ya gonna ogle me, Becks, or are you gonna figure out what t’ order, love?” 

“I already decided.”

“Good, ‘cos so have I,” he announces, laying his menu down. It’s only seconds later that the server sees, and we’re ordering our breakfast. “Seems you and my gran have really hit it off.”

“Oh, you think so?”

“No, I know so. Saw it even. I haven’t seen her take t’ somebody like that befo,’ certainly not any other girlfriend of mine.”

“I really like her - Claire. She’s sweet and even though we’ve only met a few times, she’s so easy to talk to.”

“I know, I love that ‘bout her. You’d think she was my mum’s mum with how sweet tha two o’ them are. She’s been supportive ever since tha stuff started with my dad, always let me talk t’ her ‘bout it without judgement. It meant loads t’ me,” he divulges to me. I can’t help but nod along, and fold my hand into his in the middle of the table. 

“I bet so. That sounds like my gran Ann, she was my dad’s mum, but she was always there for me.” 

“I see where you get it from, love,” he smiles with a wink of his sunshine eye, lips curling from the rim of his mug of coffee. It still baffles me how he can drink it black, let alone ripping hot. 

God, the things those eyes do to me, those lips too. Okay, Becky, chill. Now is not the time. But, then there’s the outfit he’s wearing today and how it’s so him, and effortlessly handsome. It looks like something my granddad would wear - tan slacks, and a cream long sleeved shirt with chocolate brown stripes. Curls in a mess atop his head and parted in the middle, but somehow, it works. It had become my favorite hairstyle of his recently, but that would quickly change with whatever new one he came up with next. For once, it wasn’t Chelsea boots today or the occasional Vans, but instead saddle brown laced up Oxfords. See, how were the casual outfits so handsome? Harry’s outfits always work, and I wish I knew how. 

“Whatcha starin’ at, hmm? I keep findin’ you lookin’ at me this mornin,’ startin’ t’ wonder why.” 

“What, can I not admire my handsome boyfriend every now and then?” my question comes with a lift of my brow. Now, it’s my turn to look all inquisitive over my cup of coffee. 

“Now, I never said ya couldn’t do that, love,” Harry teases with a shit eating grin plastered to his face. 

It stuck to his lips as he began to read the paper over his coffee until our breakfast arrived. Even then, it remained. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” I titter, cutting my fork through the two layers of pancakes.

“Stop drenchin’ yer pancakes with syrup, yer not gonna taste ‘em. They’ll be all soggy,” he warns, feeding a strip of bacon past his bubblegum pink lips. 

“Stop telling me what to do with my pancakes.” 

“Watch it, li’l one, or else ‘m not gonna share me food with you,” Harry says, pointing his fork at me. It gleams with strips of maple syrup beading at the tines’ ends. My lips ready their rebuttal, but his eyebrows only inch higher as he cocks his head towards me, silently willing me to continue. “I know ya will, ‘s a given. You always ask t’ taste somethin’ off me plate, don’t even try t’ deny it, lovey.” 

It’s difficult to say the least, hiding my smirk and its accompanying giggle. Shaking my head, I sigh as I stab my fork at my pancakes, feeling his foot knock into mine underneath the table. It looked nothing close to Rafael’s here, but somehow, it brought me back to that night in the Italian restaurant. Our first one. The way his foot nudged at mine under the table, and the way his eyes gleamed with a smile. Sometimes, if I thought hard enough, I could feel the fluttering inside of me from the butterflies he still gave me. 

“What? Yer a li’l too quiet fer tha talkin’ t’ I jus’ gave you, bug. No witty comebacks? That’s a surprise and a relief all in one,” Harry jokes, dimples set into his cheeks. He had shaved them just a few days ago, but it looked like it had been longer. 

My lips are absent of any words. Instead, I busy them with the pillowy pancakes drenched in maple syrup. Looking down at my plate, I cut into the potatoes crisp on the exterior with cheese and flecks of pepper. Setting down my fork, I slowly pat on the bottom of the ketchup bottle. 

“Becks? Y’know I was only jokin,’ love.”

“I know, and we both know you’re going to share your lemon poppyseed muffin with me,” it’s my turn for the shit eating grin now. Lifting my gaze, I meet his. 

“I told you!” he begins with a shake of his head, pressing his fist to his overactive mouth. “Told ya t’ order yer own, love.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll share with me because you love me.” 

“I dunno if ‘d go as far t’ say that,” he shrugs. My scoff makes the smile tickle further at his cheeks, and it all but disappears when I pinch his thigh from under the table. “Woman, I swear t’ bloody God-.” 

“Swear what?” I pipe up, setting my chin in my hand as he chuckles away across from me. He suffices a response with a shake of his head, feeding a ripe strawberry past his lips. It doesn’t help that he locks eyes with me the second he does it, and lips slow as can be, at that. “You’re bad.” 

Harry offers a measly shrug in response, and what speaks volumes is the way he tugs the striped bag closer to him, holding our beloved muffin. Ignoring it, I dip a bite of potatoes into my puddle of ketchup, enjoying the hum of the cafe around us. Harry and I had been coming here for a while now- well, before we had started dating. He liked their food and turned me onto them, starting with getting him breakfast and his special muffin when I was his assistant. I don’t think he took me out to breakfast here until I had come back to work at his firm, but it was a nice treat every once in a while, even if it meant having to wake up earlier. 

“I talked to my dad this morning, and told him about Skye and Asher. He was surprised, to say the least. I wish he’d come up and visit one of these days, he’s always so busy.” 

“‘m sure he will when he’s not so busy, love, like when his new build ‘s over,” Harry muses, loudly flipping the page of his paper. Watching as he flattens it out, the bite of potatoes on its way to my mouth pauses. 

“How’d you know about his new build?”

“‘Cos I talk t’ him too. He rang me tha other day, and we spoke ‘bout um . . I dunno, footie and cooking,” he answers, nonchalantly. Nodding, I shake a little more salt onto my potatoes, trying to will Harry to meet my eyes. 

“Maybe he’ll come up if you ask, or if it’s to hang out with you.” 

“Oh, hush, you. He’ll come when he has tha time, love, y’know that. Stop bein’ a pout,” he says, folding his paper back up into a messy square. My head shakes when he holds it out to me, instead setting it to the side before he picks up his coffee. 

A wheezy laugh drops from his lips as he shakes his head at me, “Fine, here, Ms. Pouty. I must love you a whole lot t’ share me muffin,” Harry sighs, reaching into the bag and soon splitting it in half, handing me a chunk.

“Thank you . . love you,” it comes with a wink that he dismisses with a roll of his eyes.

“I know,” he huffs, breaking off a morsel of the dense bread. His eyes twinkle with mischief when I nudge my foot against his leg underneath the table. “Ditto, bug, always love you back too.”

/

I tried to find the words but they wouldn’t come. They couldn’t. Huffing, a hand dives into my hair as I stare back at the screen. It’s a welcomed respite when my wrist sings with a notification. Pushing back my sleeve, it reads Team Meeting at 2pm. I tap my palm against the screen to silence it before standing from my desk.

“Don’t look so sad to see me,” a voice teases. Lifting my eyes, I find Simon gliding down the hall towards me. The lawyer life suited him well, and so did his new job at the firm. He certainly had a flare for the suits, sporting a maroon number today. He seemed to be liking it and Harry never had a bad thing to say about him.

“Hi, Si.”

“Something the matter, Big B?” he pries, bumping his shoulder against mine as we turn into the east conference room where a few bodies congregate.

“No, just stuck on writing this deposition, so this will be a good break.”

“You mean a boring break,” Simon jokes, passing me an empty mug. 

“Hey, I can’t be caught saying that around here,” I say, sarcasm laced in my hushed voice.

“Oh, yeah. We can’t have the boss’ girlfriend be heard saying his speeches were boring,” his animated lilt tickles a happiness at my lips. A laugh passes between us as steam from the hot coffee wafts across my face. 

“What’s this I hear ‘bout boring? Ya aren’t talkin’ ‘bout yer bosses, now are you?” somebody pipes up. Looking over my shoulder, I’m awarded with the sight of Harry grinning far too proudly at his own joke. He embellishes it with a quick wink to me and a hand pressed into the small of my back.

“Oh, me calling you boring? Never in a million years,” Si cracks. I savor the sound of their loud laughs whilst pouring creamer and sugar into mine. Setting it down on the table we stand at, I pick up another mug, filling this one to the top with the scalding coffee.

“Thank you, my love,” my boyfriend smiles when I hand him the hot coffee. “Better go find a seat, tha two o’ you are late, per usual,” he quips, waving a circle into my back before leaving.

“Yeah right, like we’re late,” Si scoffs, turning to walk away. The rest of the gang had joined us by now, and I find an empty seat next to Rose towards the back. 

I had come up with my own little rule at these things. It started with never sitting up front by Harry where he and Myles spoke. Certainly, I never sat in the back straight across from him where his eyes would gravitate. They both were bad ideas, and I’d quickly found them out from a past mistake or two. 

Today, Myles started us off. There was something about a required employee training. Of course, there was the annual Halloween party coming up later this month, a charity function in the works, and working a table at an upcoming uni job fair. Harry and I may or may not be going as a certain Spice Girls couple, wink wink. 

Slowly, like always, it grew to be boring. That’s when the texts started, despite the number of times Harry groaned about me distracting him on previous occasions. I quickly found it near impossible to not give him the dirtiest of looks across the room. It didn’t help that we were on near opposite sides, and he was facing Myles, pretending to pay attention. Per usual.

what should we do 2night for dinner? was thinkin i could do u 2 start with 

He did a terrible job of wicking the smirk from his lips when I looked at him next. Kneading at his bottom lip hardly hid it, and drinking my coffee didn’t save me either.

You’re bad, is all I text back, making it look as if I’m taking notes on my laptop. I just hope nobody else can see, but I try to make sure of that.

oh i could be loads of things if u let me love. like in between ur legs 2night or if ur good enough some time b4 we go home 

He didn’t even need to add a winky face or a saucy emoji. This man and his way with words, I swear it’ll be the death of me. He will, one way or the other. Hiding my laugh with a cough, I bring my mug back to my lips, nearly choking when Harry’s gaze slinks over to mine. 

“You okay?” Si whispers.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answer, holding eye contact with Harry. Nobody else might notice it, but I see it. The way one of his dimples plays hide and seek with me on his cheek, accompanying his sly lips. A pair that I’m itching to have on me, here and now. Well, in fifteen minutes or so. 

alright becks? choking already thinkin bout me big dick bein in ur mouth?

Stop, we’re in a meeting, Harry. Your meeting 

doesn’t stop me love so don’t let it stop u now 

God, you’re unbelievable, Harry

so are those lips of urs bug. cant wait 2 have those pretty things round me cock 2day. up 2 u if ya want me sooner or later 

Trying to mask my long sigh, I press the cover of my laptop shut. It’s even harder to resist sneaking a look at Harry. He is so full of shit, faking a glance around the room just to make brief eye contact with me. Of course, while he licks his lips. My eyebrows lift only in the slightest and he manages a shrug at me whilst leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head like the cocky boss he is. 

Rose’s spiel that was actually holding my attention is interrupted when my wrist vibrates ten minutes later. I’m already beginning to roll my eyes when I lift it, wondering what Harry has said now. But, it’s not him. It’s who I least expected out of anyone. 

Hi, bunny. I’m in London for a few days . . . I want to see you. Could we get coffee or lunch? xo 

The rest of Rose’s speech goes absolutely over my head. If you asked me what it was about, I couldn’t tell you, despite the fact that I heard it. But no, I didn’t. Not really. Nor did I hear Simon’s subsequent jokes or when Rose called on me to share progress on our case. I couldn’t remember what, just the way everybody looked at me, like the kid in class caught not paying attention. It didn’t help seeing the worry etched onto Harry’s face, then and now, as I sit in the car next to him. 

Another one had come by now, and still, I had no idea what to say or do.

“Did ya hear what I said, ‘bout dinner?” 

Lifting my gaze, I see Harry’s patient one waiting for me. 

“No, sorry. What’d you say?”

Waiting for the light to turn, his hand had folded mine into his firmly. Delicate circles were left on my skin by his thumb. “You alright t’day, Becks?”  

“Fine. Did you want to get takeaway for dinner, or just warm up leftovers?” 

“F’get ‘bout dinner fer a second, Becks, and please tell me what’s been botherin’ you t’day. We agreed on no mo’ lies, bug, and I know yer not fine. I can tell,” his objection comes in a gentle murmur, accentuated by his thumb pressing against mine. 

“I’m sorry,” it’s sighed, almost lost in the Arctic Monkeys song filling the car, until Harry turns it off. “My mum texted me today, during our team meeting.” 

The ‘oh’ that comes from him is teeming with realization and a certain weight to it. All I can think of to do in response is to nod. I busy myself with sliding his new opal ring off his left forefinger. 

“‘s okay, bug, I understand . . ‘m sorry, too. So, what’d her text say?”

The white glow from the touchscreen display in Harry’s Rover illuminates the reflective specks in the stone. They cover the rainbow, spanning from purple, white, pink, and a mint green. Harry had joked when he’d gotten it that I was probably going to steal it from him more often than not, knowing how I loved opals. He was right, and that was a few months ago. I had worn it until now on my thumb when he belatedly stole it back from me. It fit him better, anyways. 

“That she’s in London, and she wants to get together,” my voice is childlike, shy and lacking volume. Harry begins to speak, until I stop him, with my voice and my subsequent words. “Then, when I didn’t respond that I’m invited to lunch with her and Robbie tomorrow afternoon at some restaurant Robbie likes.” 

“Oh,” he hums, lips stilling when he looks over his shoulder before making a turn. “Did you text her back yet?”

“No. I don’t want to go, or talk to her. I dunno why she does this, just pop up out of the blue as if she hasn’t spoken to me in almost two years . . since my accident.” 

“You don’t hafta go, Becks. There’s nothin’ makin’ you go. Yer an adult and you make yer own decisions, bug. You don’t owe her anythin.’” 

“I know, but that doesn’t stop her from the guilt trips. I don’t even remember unblocking her number . . she must have gotten a new one. But, I’m afraid, Harry,” I confess, threading the ring back onto his finger riddled with fine dark hairs. He allows me, having gotten used to it by now, and the way that I trace the veins poking out of his skin. 

“Of what, babe? ‘s not like she can- well, I guess she could.” 

I try to swallow past the nerves, and the unsaid words, but it’s difficult, to say the last. “Yeah, she could. It’s not very hard to Google your name and find the address of your firm. She must know by now that I work for you again.”

“Bug, even if she came t’ tha firm, she has t’ get past Amelia first, and that’s not gonna happen. She’d ring you and say who’s in tha lobby waitin’ fer you, you could easily turn her away, if anythin’.” 

“You’re right.” 

“‘m always right,” he coos, lifting a brow at me goofily when his piercing eyes meet mine. The curl to his lips doesn’t linger, and they soon flatten out with understanding and severity. “It’ll be okay, Becks. Do what feels right. Text her back and say no, or don’t talk t’ her at all. She doesn’t deserve yer time o’ day afta what she’s put you thru.’ Dunno how people like that can’t understand ya don’t jus’ get t’ pop in and out o’ yer kid’s life,” it’s a muttering as his head shakes back and forth. The whirring sound of the garage door opening before us fills the empty space of the car. 

Harry knew. He knew all about it with the disappearing parent act, the parent who was preferable when they were absent. Yet, his Dad had popped back into his life, but this time he hadn’t left. Sometimes, I was a tad bit jealous, if I were honest. Not with him, though, but Skye sniffed it out on me once. I had wished a thousand times over since I was little that my mum was different, that she was a normal mum, and a better one. It never came true that wish, but yet at 28, I still found myself making it without trying. Lasting only moments, I still felt sour with guilt at times for the thought, despite being overjoyed for Harry about the recent development. 

“Have you spoken to your dad lately?” I decide to say, draping my work bag over my shoulder. 

“Ya, um . . yest’day, I think it was. He called me on my way back from tha courts. He’s doin’ a job in Edinburgh but wants t’ get together with us when he’s back. I don’t rememba him bein’ a good cook, but he wants t’ have us over fer dinner at his.” 

“That sounds nice. Would you like that?” 

The house is quiet and dark when we step inside. The typical one word male response comes as I set my shoes next to his on the mat, letting him take my light coat. 

“Shit, kinda forgot ‘bout takeaway. Are leftovers fine, bug?” 

“Yeah, I don’t care,” my answer comes. Harry’s humming fills my ears, and although I love it, my attention is held elsewhere. 

“Let’s wait on dinner,” he announces, but not until his arms come around my middle do I start to pay attention. The two waiting texts before me disappear when Harry gently takes my phone away, setting it down on the kitchen island. “I think I have an idea o’ how I could take yer mind off o’ things.” 

I can’t resist, the way my lips split into a smile. The containers of Harry’s famous stir fry are forgotten on the counter when I feel the first kiss he plants to my neck. 

“Oh, really, Mr. Styles, what ever could that be?” it comes out in a giggle, because all control I thought I had is lost with my words. He looks close to one when I turn around in his arms, finding his bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

“Anythin’ ya want, bug, anythin’ at all.” 

“A baby?” I tease, reveling in the sight of his eyes widening. Now, the laugh spills from his decadent, cherry lips. 

“Careful there, Becks, yer gettin’ ahead o’ yerself. Y’know my stipulations on that one,” he jokes, wagging a finger at me. The soft light above the granite top island lends a glow to his face, not that he’d ever need another one, considering the sunshine he holds. I wish I could say the same thing for me, but he whisks it away with those very words. “Y’know ‘ll give you a baby one day, all tha babies you want. But, fer now, what’ll make my bug happiest?” 

My answer doesn’t come in words or a look- well, I may let one go on accident. It’s hard not to while his eyes bore into mine, my hands making their way up his chest underneath his button down. “Will you come and take a bath with me?”

“Certainly. Rough day, bug?” I only nod my head, feeling the knot in my throat when I try to swallow, unable to stop remembering them all. “Wanna talk ‘bout it?”

My head going from side to side suffices for words, and so does the way I drop my head to his chest. His solid arms come around me, smoothing my hair back with gentle strokes. 

“Sounds like a bath bomb and back massage kinda night.” 

“Thank you,” is all I say, because I know that he knows, without him having to say it. 

“‘Course, my love, jus’ wanna make you happy.” 

Closing my eyes, I try to forget the things that had piled up the last week, and the questions I wish I could ask him, but I’m not sure how. 

I don’t know where it had started, or even when, really. As Harry dips his hand under the bathwater to get it just right, they come floating back to me. The way he had been distant, and yet not, but one outweighed the other. 

“C’mere, my girl,” he coos, inching a finger back and forth, beckoning me over to him. Obliging, the floor is ice cold against my bare feet, but his hands deposit a warmth on my skin I’ve missed. “Can I help you get undressed, honeybug?”

Nodding, I absentmindedly pick a spot on the wall to stare at. It was an imperfection at best, a white divot amongst the soft gray. From one of Harry’s drunken nights nearing a year ago, it appeared one morning and he still hadn’t gotten it fixed. It went unnoticed for lengths at a time, but I wish I could say the same for the things I picked up on this week. The way he’d immediately hang up on a phone call when I entered the room, at work or home. Speaking of his phone, he wouldn’t let me use it when I’d happen to lose mine and needed to look something up, not even to take a picture. Instead, he’d make up some excuse about expecting a call, or that it was about to die, despite seeing his battery was at least half full. It confused me, to say the least, but that only shrank in comparison when it came to the apparent work dinner I wasn’t invited to the other night. Then, there was the entire absence of talking about ring shopping, as if it had never existed. I’d ask if we could go and look at this shop, and he’d agree to it but no more would be said. Or, I’d show him a ring I saw online and he’d have nothing more to say than a one word response. It didn’t help that Skye seemed too busy for me as well, cancelling our weekly dinner to hang out with Asher instead, as if we couldn’t have all hung out together. I could have used one of her pep talks, or so I thought until I mentioned my predicament to her, and she brushed it off, telling me it was probably nothing. That only drove me further up the Worry Wall, now wondering if I was making something out of nothing. 

/

“Alright, bubs?” 

She wasn’t alright, and I could tell. It was clear as day, beginning with the far away look in her eye. It only stuck as I lifted her sweater dress over her head, and peeled her black jeggings from her legs. 

“Pinky P?” she ignored our inside joke and got into the tub first. As I unbuttoned my shirt, I watched her as she rested her chin on her knees that hugged her chest. I wondered if she knew, and if I had been too distant, trying to hide it from her. The last thing I would ever want to do in the world is to hurt her. I’m afraid that while trying to do the most important thing in my life, I’ve hurt her in the process. 

“Becks, wanna go out t’ dinner t’gether on Friday? I heard ‘bout this really great place, I think we’d like it,” she hums an audible confirmation, it’s barely there, whilst holding the raspberry colored bath bomb in her hand. “‘m gonna go and warm up dinner and we can eat it in tha bath. That sound good t’ you, bub?”

“Sure,” she says, again. She usually loves my stir fry, and when she doesn’t request her classic big glass of milk with it to keep the spicyness in check, I know she’s not herself. 

Shit, what have I done? 

I find her eyes have lulled closed after I set my empty dinner plate on the floor on top of hers. “C’mere, li’l one,” I hum, waving my fingers in and out towards her. She groans a denial, content to rest her head on her knees still. I don’t take no for an answer, hooking my hands in the crease of her legs. “Becks baby.” 

Huffing, she lifts her pretty head and stuns me with those eyes. A tiredness sits in them, something more than exhaustion from getting up at six am today. Flashing my award winning smile at her, she at last uncurls herself and wades through the bathwater until I pull her onto my lap. 

Now, the hot water isn’t the only thing keeping me warm when she curls up against my chest. Water collects at the ends of her hair, making it hard to comb my fingers through, but only at first. Peering down at her, I watch as her bare chest rises and falls with breaths, something I once was so afraid of not seeing. To never get to see again. 

I thank my lucky stars on the daily for still being blessed with this sight. Her temple is damp with beads of sweat and water mixed together, but I can still smell it there, the orange blossoms and vanilla. Her smell, one I could inhale forever. 

“‘m sorry ‘ve been so busy lately, I know ‘ve been a bit distant,” it begins as a mumble on my lips, and there’s no stopping it in time. “Know you’ve noticed it too, and that ‘s upset ya.” 

“Is something wrong? Did I-,” her question is spoken gingerly, fear in her voice tinged with self-consciousness. 

“No, ‘course not, bug. Nothing’s tha matter, and you didn’t do anythin’ wrong, please don’t think you did. ‘ve jus’ been busy with a project at work, but I promise it’ll be finished soon,” the thought itself brought to life by my voice teases my lips with a smile, knowing the finish line that I approach. At last. 

“Okay . . thanks, Harry.” 

“Welcome, bubs,” I murmur, exhaling against her forehead. Her forehead is balmy where I rest my lips, letting my eyes shut too, listening to nothing but the sound of her breathing. After all of this time, I still felt a chill in my bones when my thoughts were yanked to her accident. Now, it only makes me feel as if my words didn’t do enough to reassure her, but I wasn’t sure what more I could do without giving it away. No, I couldn’t do that. “I love you so much, Becks, can’t wait t’ marry you one day.” 

“I love you too, Harry,” it’s an almost snigger from her decadent lips. I wait for more, but it doesn’t come, not until she stirs in my arms. 

“What d’ya think yer doin’?” it’s my turn to spill a giggle, watching her move in my arms until she’s facing me. More importantly, straddling my lap and running a hand through my hair. 

Her answers came in a simple shrug of her shoulders, but the tilt to her lips spoke volumes more. My name for her sounds from my lips as a tut, but she quickly whisks it away with her own on mine. The rippling of the bath water around us is the only sound besides the way our lips move together. Her ass is spongy and slick beneath my naked fingers, and her squeal against my lips is heaven and everything more. 

“Can I still take you up on that offer?” her words graze my mouth, craving me to reach forward and return them to mine. 

“What offer, bug?” I ask under hooded eyes, mine boring into hers the color of bottomless oceans. 

It was more than music to my ears, it was everything good stitched together by her lips, “To take my mind off things . . and yours, in the process.” 

“Certainly,” I say, beginning to move until her hands push against my chest. “Use yer words.” 

“Let me.” 

It’s a giggled reply at best, because as she adjusts herself on top of me, any possibility of speaking soon wanes. “Yer bloody confusin,’ y’know that, Becks?” 

“Is this confusing to you, Harry?” she murmurs with a flick of her expressive brows. It’s not her words, but something else that knocks some air out of me. Nearly impossible to notice, her composure has grown since she’s become a lawyer, especially as she starts to rub her crotch against my hardening member. 

“Not at all, baby, jus’ tell me what you need me t’ do.” 

“Kiss me,” she answers, fervor shining in her voice. I don’t even get to laugh before she steals it from me with her lips, bringing a groan from them next when she takes my dick in her hand. 

/

A quiet battle rages inside of me, not wanting her to leave, but at the same time, I need her to. There’s never a day where she doesn’t look beautiful, and on days when she has court she tries even more. She asked me once when I find her the most beautiful, and her first guess was these days when she argued her case, but I said no. It brought her eyebrows together in confusion, pinching her oval face in the cutest of ways. No, I found her the most beautiful in the first light of the morning, in the way sleep clung to every bit of her, making her slower and more . . her. It could be found in the lighty giggles that she painted the air with, the way her nose scrunched together in the middle of one. Her hair swept in different places, and how she clung to me like my own personal koala. If koalas were simultaneously personal heaters. Becks was most beautiful in the morning, because in those first few minutes of waking up, I was reminded anew that she chose to be mine. A dream of mine I doubted over and over about the possibility of. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she didn’t need makeup to make her beautiful, but her eyelashes longer from mascara fluttered against her skin with the question. Her dark chocolate eyebrows she swept a pencil over every morning hugged the pale skin between them. 

“Oh,” it plummets from my lips with astonishment, and a clearing of my throat. The left corner of her mouth greets her cheek when the gesture clicks with her. God, sometimes she can still take my breath away by just the sight of her, even several years later. “Ya still manage t’ make me weak in tha knees, y’know that? I dunno how you do it, bug,” I reply with a clicking of my tongue, edging towards her. A shade of coral arrives in her cheeks with my words and proximity, only growing darker when I wrap my arms around her from behind. 

“So do you, you know.” 

“Mmm, thought so, thanks fer tha confirmation, love,” it’s a reply joined by my nose against her temple. Her flighty laugh graces my ears once more, and I’m smiling without knowing it. God, I can’t wait to hear that laugh for the rest of my life. Which reminds me. “You and Rose should get goin’, love, if ya want t’ get t’ tha courts early. Lunch traffic may be bad.” 

“Why are you trying to get rid of me, Harry?”

“‘m not, jus’ lookin’ out fer you, ‘s all,” I choose to say, glad she can’t see the way that I check my watch, seeing the texts waiting on my screen. Too similar to how they’re waiting. 

“Okay, Dad. I’ll see you later then, for dinner tonight?” Suddenly, I’m looking into her eyes, the very color I hope our kids have. I know our kids will have them, they’ll be so lucky.

“‘ll see you afta yer done, bug. Good luck on yer case, I know you’ll smash it.” 

“Thanks,” it’s spoken with warmth, one that I know I’ll miss despite wanting her to go. Needing her to go. “Still picking me up after?”

“‘Course, my love. We can’t f’get dinner t’night.” 

“I’m excited. Rose said she likes Isabelle’s,” she comments, wasting her

time by playing with the opal ring on my hand. Mine that she’d stolen for a good while, and I finally took back. “They have really good desserts and steaks.” 

“‘ve heard that too. Can’t wait t’ try some with you t’night,” it comes out with a smile, but I’m never sure that I could ever match hers. It had gotten better over the last few days, I think I was finding a balance between keeping it but not keeping her out. Her lips taste of cinnamon roll coffee creamer and cherry chapstick when I peck her, just how she always does. I could do with kisses tasting like that forever and ever. “Bye, bug. You girls drive safe now.”

“We will. Bye, have a good day.” 

“See ya. Stop putzing, and get goin,’ li’l one,” I titter, savoring the taken aback look on her face when I slap her ass. The sound of her’s fills my ears as I join her in the hallway, watching her walk away and get onto the lift. 

I give it a few more moments, imagining the space placed between us,  hoping she won’t be returning for something she had forgotten. Now, that would be bad. Only once I feel confident, do my feet wake up and I start on my way, contradicted by the way my heart gallops like a horse right out of the gates. 

“Here we go, Harry. One o’ tha biggest days o’ yer lives, jus’ on tha horizon,” I mumble aloud to me and only him, stopping when I reach the door. Already, I can hear their voices from this side, but before I can open it, I fill my lungs with an impatient breath. 

Their sounds slowly fall when I make my entrance, feeling as I’m still running that race inside of my chest, knowing I’m nowhere near the finish line. Perhaps, I’m just a bit closer. When each of their faces lifts to mine, the faces of our families, it imbues me with a shattering sense of reality meeting dreams. One I’ve had held inside of me for so long now. 

“Alright, so ‘bout t’night then. You lot ready t’ help me with this or what?”

/

I thought I knew what I was doing, but when I turned onto our street, I quickly found that I had no idea at all. I was afraid she could feel the clamminess of my hand, or that that feeling of hers would give it away all entirely. The dinner had gone as perfectly as it could’ve, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I only hoped that the next part would, because it was the most important one of all. Arguably, this would be the most important case of my life that I needed to win. A whirring of the garage door gave a background to my thoughts as I tap at my Apple watch, heaving a sigh when I see the text. 

We’re all ready when you are! 

/

Pulling my coat around me tighter, I follow Harry through the garage and into the house. He had promised more chocolate once we had gotten home from dinner. Although it sounded wonderful, I wasn’t sure how I could fit any more in my stomach after the lavish meal we had just stuffed ourselves with. I still couldn’t figure out why he had gone out of his way to have dinner together at one of the most expensive places in town, Isabelle’s. 

I barely get the chance to shrug off my coat when I feel him tug on my hand. His name escapes my lips in a giggle, similar to the one that gleams in his eyes. 

“C’mon, bug, there’s somethin’ I wanna show you,” Harry insists, waiting for me to join him. Leaving the dark downstairs, I follow him up the flight of wooden steps. 

“What’s that?”

“Yer supposed t’ be able t’ see Jupiter t’night in tha night sky. I know ‘s yer favourite one, bug,” I find myself nodding along with his words. Still, I’m unable to tear myself away from the warm gray suit he donned for tonight, the one that started it all for us. 

“Okay, but I really need the loo first.” 

“‘Kay, take yer time. ‘ll try t’ see if I can find it fer us then,” the words leave my lips with a wobbliness to them. If that feeling of her’s was piqued or if she knew something, Becks didn’t let on. All she did was flash me a funny smile before rushing into the bathroom, hardly closing the door. 

No matter the lengths I go to, I can’t seem to breath in long enough. It all was descending upon me, as I peeked out at the back garden and felt a warmth bubbling inside of me and onto my lips. The effervescent feeling carried through in my limbs as I stepped onto the balcony, pressing record before smoothing down my hair and my suit. 

I felt like if it were ever going to happen, my heart would certainly leap from my chest tonight. Just in a matter of moments, for her. Because of her. 

/

“Did you find it, Harry?” I wonder aloud, stepping through the doorway of the bathroom, returning to our bedroom. 

“Y-Ya,” from the balcony of our bedroom, he responds. Was that a stammer, I just heard? “C’mere, bug, lemme show you.” 

“Okay,” my answer comes, and so does a thought when I glance Harry’s phone propped up on our bed with the camera pointing at me. Funny that it landed that way, I wonder when he’s going to break it from tossing it onto our bed so many times, I think quietly to myself. 

The midnight indigo sky beckoned me forth, as did Harry who looked at me over his shoulder. A soft glow from the balcony light fell over us as I stopped at the railing beside him, peering up at the night sky. 

“Alright,” he sighs, stretching out his arm to point a ringed finger at the expanse of darkness. “Ya see that bright light over on tha left hand side o’ tha sky? There it ‘s, that’s Jupiter fer ya. Told ya I knew a thing or two ‘bout space, Becks.” 

“Wow, that’s amazing,” it comes out in a drawn out breath, astonishment dripping from my words. Even if it was just a twinkling light in the night sky, it was that seven letter word beginning with an A. 

A tingly warmth builds on my cheek, and looking to my right, I find Harry smiling at me. For a second, I think I see a wetness collecting in his eyes, but it’s gone when I blink. 

“What?”

My question sits in the air, unanswered by him while he brushes his thumb across my cheek. 

“Yer amazin,’ Becks . . prettier than any star in any sky, my love,” his words are spaced out in between breaths, and his adam’s apple bobs in his throat, punctuating the end of his words. The corners of my lips lift into a smile, something he can never fail to do, but it was only one out of many. 

“Thank you, Harry,” I murmur softly, stepping forward to press a kiss to his cheek. In the movement, something catches my eye. The feeling of his prickly cheek against my lips is but a memory as my gaze follows through with its curiosity. “Wait, what’s-.” 

My lips pause and so does the question on my lips when I peer down at our back garden. The trees and bushes are lit up all over by candlelight. A breath gets caught in my throat as the image before me comes together, candles organized with their flames spelling two words. My hand instantly flies to my mouth as my breath escapes me, tears taking their place. 

They read, MARRY ME?

I didn’t hear it or let alone see it, the way he had sunk down onto one knee, but when I turn to face Harry, the first one falls. Down my cheek, and then his. His trademark wheeze paints the air as his sages overflow with tears. Swallowing, I taste the briny ones on my lips as an image I’d dreamt of and doubted fills my eyes. It’s unmistakable, the way his knee shakes, the other bent underneath him as the light catches the gleaming diamond ring held in his hand. 

“H-Harry,” it’s shaky and adorned with tears, but the sight before me becomes clearer when I blink. “Yes, of course, yes!” I exclaim, and he’s laughing deeply. 

“I haven’t even said anythin’ yet, bug,” he chuckles loudly with a shake of his head. “C’mere you, get over here.” Obliging, my legs nudge me over to him where he takes my hand in his. 

“Bloody hell, woman, I memorized this whole speech. Least let me try and say it,” the obnoxious and loud laugh that spills from his lips could never fail to be music to my ears. He blows out a breath from his lips rounded into an O, and we both shed apprehensive giggles. “Have I ever told you all o’ tha things I love most ‘bout you, Becks? I could write a book ‘bout ‘em all, but they start with how kind you always are. Reckon it was tha first thing I noticed ‘bout you after those killer eyes o’ yers on tha day we met. You’ve never stopped being kind t’ me, even when I didn’t deserve it, or when others didn’t. That and how bloody unrelenting you are were tha first things that struck me ‘bout you when you were my assistant, Becks. I never would’ve thought we’d get t’ where we are t’day seein’ where we started, but I could never thank you enough fer not givin’ up on me, Becks . . on us. God, ‘m ramblin’ now, ‘m sorry,” there it is again, his signature wheeze. A similar sound comes from me as we take a breather to wipe at our eyes. The only sound surrounding us is the galloping of my heart, probably his too, and my favorite sound falling from his lips. 

“It’s okay, keep going. You’re doing great,” I urge him in a soft whisper, hoping my wink is half as good as his when he smiles that sunshine up at me. He nods once, squeezing my hand firmly before going back to tracing nervous circles onto my knuckles. 

“Yer humor too, it may be cheesy sometimes, and not as funny as mine,” no, my wink could never be good as the one he gives me now. Effortlessly cute. “But I love it, and so many mo’ things ‘bout you, Rebecca Ann. Tha way you take care o’ me. I know ‘ve said it befo’ but yer so good t’ me with yer cookin’, puttin’ up with my cold feet in bed and tha way I hog tha covers, workin’ t’gether at me firm which I know presents ‘s own set o’ challenges, and how you’ve made me into a better person ev’ry day since I met you. Ya get on me nerves and yer stubborn as a bloody bull, but I can’t imagine spendin’ tha rest o’ me life with anybody but you. ‘s been that way fer years now, love, and I can’t go another day without you knowin’ it.” 

“I do, Harry,” it’s a mere whisper, but his smile soaks it all up, and so does mine for his sunshine. 

“Hey, what’d I say ‘bout you gettin’ ahead o’ yerself here?” his lips couldn’t lift higher and his sunshine couldn’t be brighter. Our heads shake with songs of laughter, my very favorite tune in the entire world. “Yer me favourite thing in this entire world, bug, and I want t’ spend tha rest o’ me life showin’ you that ev’ry day. I wanna have so many babies with you, even a li’l boy named Lennon perhaps, and a li’l girl named Luna, like we’ve said . . I want t’ argue cases with you fer tha rest o’ me career, ‘cos yer me favourite lawyer. Yer my partner, bug, and I always want t’ have you there at my side, Becks . . There’s so much mo’ I could say t’ you, tellin’ you how I love you, but I know I have tha rest o’ me life t’ do it. So, Rebecca Ann Holte-,” he pauses with a frog in his throat, shaking his head. A knot tightens in mine as I watch him press his face into the crook of his arm, crying quietly with a smile. Pulling away after a moment, he exhales and looks to me with a wet smile dripping with sunshine.

“Harry,” I sigh, tears tightening around my words. 

Clearing his throat, he continues, “What d’ya say t’ changin’ that last name o’ yers t’ Styles fer me? Will you marry me, Becks?”

“There’s nothing I’d want more, Harry, than to spend the rest of my life with you,” they’re coated in tears, soon mixing with his when I collapse into his arms, my lips pressed against his. I feel the nervousness spill at last from his lips when they touch the crown of my head, laying kisses there in layers as we shed happy tears. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yer ev’rythin’ ‘ve ever wanted, Becks,” Harry whispers there, pressing me firmly against his front. The light catches the well of tears in his eyes when I belatedly pull away, bringing my hand to his cheek. “My fiancee.” 

“Fiancee . . I like the sound of that,” I murmur, tracing the outline of his bottom lip. He nods with my words, just as a tear falls into the divot in his cheek. 

“Y’know what I like tha sound of?” his voice is gentle and just above a whisper that I answer with my head cocked to the side. “Rebecca Styles. Becky Styles.” 

It couldn’t feel sweeter, the sound that coasts off my lips, him soon replicating it. Even sweeter it tastes when I touch my lips to his, finding that same word in his smiling eyes. Following them, they fall to the mahogany colored wooden box he clutches in his hand. 

“Oh, ya, can’t forget ‘bout this now. ‘s very important,” Harry says, opening the box once again, and I’m brought to tears by the sight of it. 

“Harry, is that-,” I begin, but tears take hold of my voice prematurely, my hand over my mouth in disbelief. Sniffling, his ring laden hand dives into my hair, knowing how it calms me. “H-Her ring?”

Flicking my eyes to his, he hums a reply before his lips part, “Ya, ‘s yer Grandma Ann’s, Becks.” his neck smells of vanilla and sandalwood when I find myself in his arms again, spewing ugly tears onto his shoulder. “Been on tha phone with yer dad almost ev’ry day fer tha last two weeeks talkin’ ‘bout it, ‘bout doin’ this.” 

Hiccups rack my chest when I pull away, eyes gravitating towards the glinting piece of jewelry tucked away into his large hand. “I-I see why you were being so sneaky lately,” I muster, swiping under my eyes. Despite the breaths I try to shove down my lungs, I can’t stop shaking. 

“Ya, ‘m sorry ‘bout that. I thought somethin’ was up with you, figured you’d noticed. Didn’t mean t’ keep you out, Becks, but couldn’t have you findin’ out and spoilin’ all tha fun I had planned fer you,” he murmurs, booping my nose. My eyes fall shut when he presses his lips to my cheek, nudging his face against mine. “Important stuff here . . Now, let’s see if it fits.” 

Gulping, I hold out my hand, wincing at the way it shakes. As I watch his long fingers delicately remove the golden ring from the velvet cushion, I try to remember how I’d come to be sitting on his lap. How all of this had happened. A sigh of relief washes over me when he takes my hand in his, gently squeezing it before his other nears it. With bated breath, my gaze flicks between his hand and his greens that watch the same. 

A smile climbs my cheeks as Harry slides off my promise ring, pressing his lips to the naked skin. Happiness sighs from my lips with a choked sound, watching how he carefully places the thin golden band onto my finger. Folding my fingers into his, his wheeze graces the air as I admire the nostalgic ring.

“They’re me Grandma Claire’s diamonds too, from her wedding ring. She wanted me t’ use ‘em when I told her I was goin’ t’ propose t’ you,” he explains softly as I tilt my hand back and forth, watching how the several diamonds catch the light. 

“Oh, Harry,” it catches in my throat as disbelief paints my insides. Guilt rises with it as I remember growing upset with him in my mind, fearing that this was never going to happen. Now, as I stare down at the ring that seals our promise, I truly can’t fathom it. Seeing is believing. 

I’d seen this ring time and time again whilst growing up, admiring it on several occasions. My gran even let me wear it once or twice, joking that it was because I was her favourite. I never thought I would get to wear it one day myself, and that thought makes my vision swim with more tears. Blinking them away, I brush my thumb over the round diamond set into the middle, and the smaller tear drop shaped ones set into the winding bands of gold connecting to the main band. 

“How’s it fit, bug?” 

“Perfect,” my answer is shy, riddled with memories from the only other time I’d worn it before. It had once swallowed my finger, hanging dangerously loose. Not now. No, it fit me snugly, reminding me of all of the years that had passed. Bringing my eyes to his, the dimples only fall deeper into his cheeks. “It’s more than beautiful, Harry, thank you . . Thank you for letting me keep her with me every day, and Claire too.” 

“Yer mo’ than welcome, Becks. ‘m so happy that they get t’ be a part o’ this with us.” 

My chest only shakes harder when he says those words, and I even feel his do the same against mine. At last, the dryness in my throat wasn’t because of pain or hurting, but for a moment, I let myself feel that. I allow myself to remember speaking with her about when I would get married one day as I wore her ring that was too big for me, wishing for a second that I could go back to that day. 

“Harry, you have no idea how much this means to me . . to get to have her with me for this.” wrinkles gather around his eyes when I see them again. They’re painted with tears, and the mere sight of him makes my heart swell. I never thought it could be this good. No, not when I dreamt out loud with my gran about one day wearing a big, white dress and marrying the man of my dreams. I could have never known that I’d be blessed with a man who was that, and more. “I used to talk to her about my silly little girl dreams of getting married, and she’d let me try on her ring and . . “ I muse, my forehead pressed to his, staring at the ring together. 

“Yer dad told me ‘bout that, it only made it seem even mo’ perfect t’ use her ring. He was so happy t’ pass it on t’ me, Becks- onto you,” Harry whispers, sponging kisses across my face in slow movements. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been smiling, and was sure that I’d never be able to stop, mumbling soft ‘thank you’s to him. 

“Well?!” comes a shout from nowhere. Nearly jumping, my gaze lifts to the balcony railing and the flickers of light I make out through them where the voice had come from. “What’d she say?! We’re bloody dying over here waiting, and freezing our asses off, mind you!” When my eyes meet Harry’s, our giggles light up the air around us, our breaths mingling. 

“I’m fucking freezing! Are you done yet?” comes yet another voice, one that I also recognize. My eyebrows only fall further into a question as I look at Harry. 

His shoulders rise only to fall, “What? Don’t think I set up all o’ those candles and lit ‘em meself, d’ya? ‘s flatterin’ if ya think so, but I had a li’l help.” 

“What, who?”

“Who d’ya think, bug? Our family,” he answers, swiping his thumb underneath my eye to catch a tear. It makes my lips still, the way he said it. They’re my family now, and mine is his. “Care t’ do tha honors, or shall I?” 

“You can. I just know you’re itching to,” it’s a giggle that only grows louder as he lifts his eyebrows at me. 

“She said yes! We’re gettin’ married!” Harry shouts, and a loud cheer follows ensuite from down below. My favorite sound in the world fills my ears when his lips come to press against my head. “My Becks, forever and ever, baby.”

“Forever,” I repeat aloud, trying it out, as if I hadn’t already a million times over in my head. “Wait, who all did you rassle together for this sneaky mission of yours?” 

“We’ll meet you inside, it’s fucking cold out!” Robbie shouts, followed by a loud ‘brr.’

It comes from his lips again, that sound. Tilting my head to meet his eyes, the sound of his heart thumps in my ear. I’m not sure I could have found a better spot. 

“As you can tell by their loud mouths, Skye and Robbie, first o’ all. Then, ‘course yer dad and my mum, me sister, Myles, and Asher,” he grins, pride dripping from every word he speaks. “My Dad helped with tha reservation at Isabelle’s, he couldn’t have spoke higher o’ tha place. I can see why now, can’t picture our pre-proposal dinner bein’ anywhere else. It only made t’night mo’ perfect . . ‘d thought o’ doin’ it with Scrabble tiles, seein’ how ‘s always been our thing, but I wanted somethin’ grander. Mum and Gemma gave me tha idea o’ spellin’ it out bigger ‘til I thought o’ candles. Then, it was jus’ a matter of gettin’ enough o’ ‘em and lightin’ ‘em. I left tha hard part t’ them, and that jus’ left me with tha ring. Reckon that was really tha most difficult o’ all. Me Gran said I could have her wedding ring, I almost started cryin’ I was so choked up ‘bout it. It was that weekend I took ya home with me, seems it made her a li’l emotional talkin’ t’ ya knowin’ what was gonna happen. That was ‘til yer dad said he wanted me t’ have yer Grandma Ann’s ring, seein’ how close tha two o’ you were . . It jus’ seemed perfect, ‘d been thinkin’ so long on what kinda ring t’ get you, and it jus’ clicked. ‘Course, I still wanted t’ include me Gran somehow. Yer Gran’s ring was missin’ a few stones and hers fit jus’ right. I couldn’t be happier ‘bout tha ring, Becks, and it looks so beautiful on you, love. Like . . like it was made fer you, bug.” 

Words escape me, not that any feel like they could do any justice at this moment. No, those ones aren’t anywhere to be found, besides the ‘thank you’ I tell him, and the other one I say to him with my lips. 

I’m unsure if my legs will ever stop feeling like Jello when he helps me stand, my arms around his waist at the soonest chance. His lips radiated sunshine, but this time, every inch of his face did too. It’d spread to his limbs, imbuing me with his contagious rays when his arms come around me, and the way his lips wouldn’t leave mine alone. 

“What are you doing?” it’s a mumbled question laced with pure confusion when he pulls me over to the right side of the balcony. Realization only dawns on me when I watch what he picks up, light at last revealing it. “You recorded it?” there they are again, hugging my voice and refusing to let go. 

“‘Course, I did,” Harry grins, sliding his hand into the cloth handle on the other side of the compact camcorder. “Still am, look at my beautiful fiancee, and soon t’ be wife.” 

“Harry,” it sounds sad until my laugh overwhelms it, because my smile hasn’t even signalled a departure. 

“Look at that dimple shinin’ so bright,” he remarks, thumbing at the indent in my left cheek. It wanders to the imperfection below my eye. His hand is warm and clammy when mine comes to surround it, overflowing his eyes with tears. “And that ring- bloody hell, can’t believe I get t’ marry you- Hey, kids, if yer watchin’ this one day, which I bloody well hope you are, this ‘s yer Mum. ‘sn’t she absolutely gorgeous? I can’t wait t’ marry yer Mummy, she’s truly tha best person ‘ve met in me entire life- well, ‘til we meet you lot.” 

“Harry,” this time, it’s choked with a sob, or a few. His hand comes to his eyes, pressing his thumbs against his greens with that sunshine on his lips. The breathy sound of happiness sings from his lips when he drops it after a few moments of soft tears, staring back at me, his book wide open. 

“Figure we should show ‘em tha main attraction,” panning to the right, I follow him to the balcony where the multitudes of flickering flames still remain. “We’ll hafta go and blow ‘em out.” 

“Not yet. I just want to look at them awhile . . with you.” 

His reply is only a sniffle, amplified by the way he pulls me against his side, pointing the lens at us now. I look past it, down at the ground where the sight still steals the breath from my lungs, just like the pair of lips on my forehead. 

A few moments later, maybe longer, Harry’s whisper breaks through my thoughts, “Ready t’ go downstairs and show ev’rybody?” 

“Just a few more minutes.” 

“Dontchu worry, we’ve got forever, Becks.” 

Usually, I’d roll my eyes at the cheesy line he deals, but I can’t stop staring at him, still smiling at the thought of getting that with him. Forever. 

/

It beckoned me, trying and failing to drag me away, but I still wasn’t ready. Soft snores had begun to leave his lips long ago. I’m not even sure what the hour was anymore. Skye was the last to leave, to nobody’s surprise, when the small hand was nearing the eleven. Chocolate galore, charcuterie boards, pizzas, and sparkling grape juice filled the hours amongst more crying and stories upon stories. Harry’s clothes were the first to go once we were alone, and mine followed his soon after. 

I wondered if I’d ever stop thinking about it, or more importantly, stop staring at it. Only the least bit of light ran through the barely closed curtains, catching the ring, just like it’d always been. I also wondered when I’d stop crying, it was a little embarrassing when it happened in between the sheets with Harry. 

His stirring beside me brought my eyes upward and to him. Lines gathered on Harry’s forehead in his sleep, relaxing a second later. A huff fell from his lips and into the air as he relaxed, an inked arm stilling underneath his pillow. With a long blink, I belatedly tug the covers over my shoulders, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck. He didn’t groan anymore or even move at the touch, or when the tip of my finger begins to trace the lines of the numbers hovering over his heart. The year that started it all, a three letter word that now had turned into forever, something I never thought I would get to have with him. I fall asleep with the smile still stuck to my lips, unwavering against the warm skin of his neck. 

/

A few days later, and it still hadn’t worn off. Secretly, I was hoping that it never would. Again, the smile still came when I caught sight of the promise on my finger, and was only a reach away. When I stopped in front of the sink in our ensuite bathroom, it fell when I called to Harry with a question, but only for a moment. 

“Babe, have you seen my pill pack?”

“No, I don’t think so. Have you checked tha usual spots?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where I put it,” sighing, I pad across the cold, tile floor. “Oh. Well, I’m sure I’ll find it.” 

* 

Song: Let’s Get Married by The Bleachers (click to listen) ;) ;) 

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles blurb #harry styles writing #harry styles wattpad #harry styles romance #lawyer!harry #ceo!harry #boss!harry #asshole!harry #harry au #harry styles au #writing #wattpad #fanfic #fanfiction #lawyer romance #office romance #enemies to lovers #slowburn #becks holte #the assistant #the assistant h.s. #the partner h.s. #vanchlo writes #narrymccartney writes #young adult #fiction #love

[mytastessuck]

Gorillaz: Song Machine, Season 1: "Strange Timez"

2The final frontier...until the next frontier as indicated by the album's title. A lot of guests showed up to help out Gorillaz on this album, ranging from indie acts to freaking legends. You thought Humanz was overpacked? You don't know the shit that Kong Studios was filled with when the Spacemonkeyz left. A good amount of my playlist is filled with songs from this album so let's just shut up and get on with it so I can gush about an awesome album.

1. Strange Timez

Heh, they start the album off with the titular track. That's pretty coo---HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ROBERT SMITH?! When you got the fucking frontman of The Cure singing with you about what an utter shitshow of a year it was a while ago, you know that Gorillaz has thrown away any semblance of fucking around. Everyone sounds like they're on the verge of panicking and I'm all for it. What a KO punch out the gate.

2020/10

2. The Valley of the Pagans

Beck decides to team up with Gorillaz, making it his third most important collaboration since his team-ups with The Lonely Island and Bender. This track is something that needs to be shouted out loud with the windows rolled down on a road trip and that's mostly due to the energy Damon brings to the track. Beck does a servicable job but something is missing that would put this on the level of Ultimate Beck Songs. Still, awesome track.

9/10

3. The Lost Chord

This track makes me feel things. Things that I've got no right feeling. Both Damon and Leee manages to make this one of the most depressing tracks on the album even without the context of the album. Some days all you can do go harder, go harder.

11/10

4. Pac-Man

Okay, gonna say something that even I don't like saying. This song is great...until Schoolboy Q starts rapping. I dunno what it is about the rap that turns me off. It just feels loose, all over the place and building up to something that has no payoff. It's a shame the song relies on that part so strongly. Noodle had an interesting outfit in the video though.

7/10

5. Chalk Tablet Towers

Another club anthem from Gorillaz! Nowhere near as good as "Strobelite" but definitely much more relatable (I wanna go home indeed.) St. Vincent is a great back-up on this track that's good enough to dance to, do drugs to or stare at your drink as you wonder if this is the state you're going to spend the rest of your life in...to.

8/10

6. The Pink Phantom

Pretty good tone to this song. Somber, nice crooning from Damon, 6lack's part is a bit superfluous but it doesn't detract from the rest of the son---HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ELTON JOHN?! AND IS HE THE BEST PART OF THE SONG?! I can't believe the blind old bastard still had it in you. To this day, I find myself singing "I tried to say I love you/But you wouldn't listen." to myself out of nowhere. This song elevates this album to a classier stand than anything Murdoc touched has any right being.

3000/10

7. Aries

Really nice chill-out song. Good instrumentation from Peter Hook and Georgia. I'm really underselling it but it is impossible to be in a bad mood when this song comes on. Kind makes you want to go out and, you know, actually do shit. (With a mask on though.)

413/10

8. Friday 13th

Finally some good rap. Geez, that was mean. Well, if it makes you feel any better, this song becomes a bummer if you know the context behind it. Octavian manages to fuel the nihilistic vibe behind the song that makes you wish for beautiful days to take your mind off...well, life. Bonus point for James Baldwin quote.

11/10

9. Dead Butterflies

Yes! More songs to make me feel stuff! Kano and Roxani overshadow Damon as they sing about how nothing matters but...nah, that's it. Nothing matters. We're dead bugs. We got nothing left. Let's just speak Spanish or something.

10/10

10. Desole

Man, Fatoumata Diawara is such a good singer, she can make a man tolerate the French. Second single from the album and they show that are willing to go back to songs in different languages and I am all for it. Fuck yes. Sorry for swearing. Putain Ouais.

714/10

11. Momentary Bliss

First single off the album and it is special, so fucking special. Slowthai grabs your attention by the throat with his heavy rhymes and holds you long enough for Slaves to slam themselves down on you with the increasingly-punk-by-the-second climax they crash in on. Damon can barely keep up as he makes sure that enough hype is gathered for this album through one of its best tracks.

1000/10

12. Opium

I only heard this song when I listened to the album for the first time and I immediately put it on my playlist afterwards. EarthGang kicks so much fucking ass on this track that Eddie Murphy experiences sympathy pains every time he hears the word "Georgia". These guys need more cred and they are half of the reason why you should shell out for the deluxe edition.

365/10

13. Simplicity

The title is accurate. The song is simple. Pretty calming though. And nothing offensively wrong with it. I dunno, it must feel like a let down after Opium's haze of awesomeness.

8/10

14. Severed Head

Goldlink and UMO are the bravest fuckers on the planet to bring attention to the serious problem of decapitation. With nice keys backing up their sermon, maybe people will take having all of their major organ functions operable more seriously now. I know I will.

10/10

15. With Love To An Ex

As an African-American who experiences misfortune in love myself, something about this song speaks to me. Ex-niggas may not be texting me...might actually need ex-niggas for that...but shit, your past following you does speak to me in the worst way possible. Man, fuck people.

11/10

16. MLS

Hey, it's these guys again! I'm not going to tell you where I know them from. That's for further down the road. Still, glad to know these two are able to create something beautiful that can be mistakenly picked up by a parent who mistakes it for something from the Craig of the Creek soundtrack.

9/10

17. How Far?

We lost a treasure of a percussionist when Tony Allen died. This track is proof he was one of the best in the business. Skepta doesn't let any slack fall down on his side either. Dissing the listeners while Tony backs him up with one of the best beats I've ever heard. RIP sir.

800/10

Album Score: 494/10

And that concludes the Gorillaz retrospective. Next week, we start on my second favorite band, Ween:

We will covering all their studio albums, starting with the punk masterpiece, GodWeenSatan: The Oneness. That'll take me a couple of days to write up. See you then.

#gorillaz #song machine season one #strange timez #review #music #EarthGang #ween

[parkerwhitmore]

𝑮𝑶𝑫𝑫𝑨𝑴𝑵 𝑴𝑨𝑵 𝑪𝑯𝑰𝑳𝑫 … a parker whitmore playlist

i. american idiot — green day;     ii. normal fucking rockwell — lana del rey;     iii. loser — beck;     iv. let’s spend the night together — david bowie;     v. the ballad of me and my friends — frank turner;     vi. troublemaker — weezer;     vii. the less i know the better — tame impala;     viii. you! me! dancing! — los campesinos!;    ix. walking on a dream — empire of the sun;     x. no. 1 party anthem — arctic monkeys;     xi. pork and beans — weezer;     xii. cpr — the walnuts;     xiii. take me out — franz ferdinand;         xiv. ringtone — 100 gecs;         xv. electric feel — mgmt;         xvi. money machine — 100 gecs;         xvii. you told the drunks i knew karate — zoey van goey;         xviii. do you want to — franz ferdinand;     xix. hand crushed by a mallet — 100 gecs;     xx. compensating — amine;     xxi. dumb bitchitis — yung cxreal;     xxii. 25 bands and a gecco — 100 gecs;     xxiii. smack a bitch — rico nasty;     xxiv. blackjack — amine;     xxv. say so — doja cat;    xxvi. spiderwebs — no doubt;     xxvii. dennis — roy blair;     xxviii. money in the grave — drake;     xxix. hey ya! — outkast;     xxx. shine — amine;     xxxi. 1, 2 many— luke combs;         

( 𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑵 𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬 )

american idiot —  green day.

“don’t want to be an american idiot, one nation controlled by the media. information age of hysteria: it’s going out to idiot america.”

norman fucking rockwell —  lana del rey.

“goddamn man child, you act like a kid even though you stand six-foot-two.”

loser —  beck.

“and my time is a piece of wax: falling on a termite that’s choking on the splinters. soy un peredor. i’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me? (gettin’ crazy with the cheese whiz!)”

let’s spend the night together —  david bowie.

“i’m going red and my tongue’s getting tied. i’m off my head and my mouth’s getting dry, i’m high, but i try, try, try.”

the ballad of me and my friends —  frank turner.

“and if you’re all about the destination, then take a fucking flight. we’re going nowhere slowly but we’re seeing all the sighs. and we’re definitely going to hell, but we’ll have all the best stories to tell!”

troublemaker —  weezer.

“i’m such a mystery, as anyone can see, there isn’t anybody else exactly quite like me. and when it’s party time, like 1999, i’ll party by myself because i’m such a special guy.”

the less i know the better —  tame impala.

“she said: ‘it’s not now or never, just wait ten years we’ll be together.’ i said: ‘better late the never, just don’t make me wait forever.’”

you! me! dancing! —  los campesinos!.

“i always get confused, because at supermarkets, they turn the lights off when they want you to leave. but at discos, they turn them on. and it’s always sad to go, but it’s never that sad. because there’s only so many places you’re guaranteed on getting a hug when you leave. and on the way home, it always seems like a good idea to go paddling in the fountain. and that’s because it is a good idea. it’s like rousseau depicts man in a state of nature: we’re underdeveloped, we’re ignorant, we’re stupid but we’re happy.” 

walking on a dream —  empire of the sun.

“we are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it. always pushing up that hill, searching for the thrill of it. on and on and on we are calling out and out again. never looking down i’m just in awe of what’s in front of me. is it real now? when two people become one.”

no. 1 party anthem —  arctic monkeys.

“and it seems as though, those lumps in your throat that you just swallowed have got you going: come on, come on, come on. come on, come on, come on: number one party anthem.”

pork and beans —  weezer.

“i’m gonna do the things that i want to do, i ain’t got a thing to prove to you. i eat my candy with the pork and beans, excuse my manners if i make a scene. i ain’t gonna wear the clothes that you like, i’m fine and dandy with the me inside. one look in the mirror as i’m tickled pink: i don’t give a hoot about what you think.” 

cpr —  the walnuts.

“and when i start to move. it’s not me, it’s just one final, desperate twitch. and when i don’t come to, punch the air and curse you god but please know it’s not your fault. you did your best.”

take me out —  franz ferdinand.

“so if you’re lonely: just know i’m here waiting for you. i’m just a cross-hair, i’m just a shot away from you. and if you leave here, you’ll leave me broken, shattered, i lie. i’m just a cross-hair, i’m just a shot, then we can die.”

ringtone —  100 gecs.

“my boy’s got his own ringtone, it’s the only one i know, it’s the only one i know. 27 missed calls, lighting up my cell phone. sending you text saying “call you when i get home.” taking off my work clothes, working in a cold one.”

electric feel —  mgmt.

“all along the eastern shore, put your circuits in the sea. this is what the world is for, making electricity.”

money machine —  100 gecs.

“hey there pissbaby, you think you’re so fucking cool, huh? you think you’re so fucking tough? you talk a lot of big game for someone with such a small truck.”

you told the drunks i knew karate —  zoey van goey.

“i am drunk and on a ladder, not the smartest way to start my night.”

do you want to —  franz ferdinand.

“when i woke up tonight, i said: i’ve got to make somebody love me. got to make somebody love me. and now i know, now i know, now i know, i know that it’s you. you’re lucky, lucky, you’re so lucky.”

hand crushed by a mallet —  100 gecs.

“i was trying to find a way to kill time. i didn’t even get to tell you goodbye. i was trying to find a way to kill time. now you’re gone and i can never say goodbye. this feeling’s going to my head, i’m thinking things i should’ve said. you’ve circled me inside my room, i couldn’t go another day.” 

2am —  bear hands.

“i would never ask you to do something i wouldn’t do. i would never lose you, at least i’d never choose to. all your friends are sober, yeah we’re getting older.” / “making love is fine but all i want is to forget how old i am. nothing good happens past 2 am. i put the ball in your court, text me back, i want a full report, i want cash in hand.” 

compensating —  amine.

“i fucked up once again, and you know that i’m never too proud to beg. it’s hard to admit that i made my bed, but you know imma always wish you the best.”

dumb bitchitis —  yung cxreal.

“i’m a dumb bitch, i ain’t done bitch. you better run bitch. ‘cause i got dumb bitchitis.”

25 bands and a gecco —  100 gecs.

“i’ve got 25 bands and a gecko, and i've got 25 cans of the pesto, and i've got 25 mans but they're dead though, and I've got 25 cans of the Red Bull.” / also. the dog bark solo. very parker. 

smack a bitch  —  rico nasty.

“she hatin' 'cause i’m up, you can tell on her face. i been eating so much, i've been saying my grace. when the times was rough, i would look up and pray: thank god i ain't have to smack a bitch today .”

blackjack —  amine.

“i’m too fly to fight, can’t afford my price. this a white tee, bitch bite me. i’m on the high, they on the low. you killin’ my vibe, get out my zone.”

say so —  doja cat.

“day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment, i’d let you had I known it, why don't you say so? didn't even notice, no punches left to roll with, you got to keep me focused, you want it, say so.”

spiderwebs —  no doubt.

“sorry i’m not home right now, i’m walking into spiderwebs, so leave a message and i’ll call you back. a likely story, but, leave a message and i’ll call you back. and it’s all your fault! i screen my phone calls.”

dennis —  roy blair.

“if you knew how many songs, i'd sing on the roof above my dad's garage. i'd probably quit it, singin men in the parks till the sunset. it was Ramadan, neighbor's rules, played hide and seek, hid underneath the poly chairs downstairs, had a swing set on the tree above my window. don't know which way the wind blows.”

money in the grave  —  drake.

“it's a big gap between us in the game. in the next life, i'm tryna stay paid. when i die, put my money in the grave.”

hey ya! —  outkast.

“now, what cooler than being cool? ice cold! i can't hear ya! i say what's, what's cooler than being cool? ice cold! alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright!”

shine —  amine.

“i don’t wanna feel like i need ya. you’re a catch, but i’m not a receiver. i’m nervous what this might turn into, know my skin glows whenever i see you. that’s why i’m shining.”

1, 2 many  —  luke combs.

“there's no stoppin' me once i get goin'. put a can in my hand, man, i'm wide ass open. the tick-tock of that clock is like a time bomb. by half-past-ten, i’m half past tipsy. at quarter-to-twelve, man, i done had plenty. the countdown's on when the first beer hits me. 5-4-3-2-1 too many.”

#hshqtask007 #playlist #hshqgraphix #anyways this took all night please like it i need validation to survive

[jtrbluv]

perfect harmony | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader (again oml)

genre: fluff, implied smut ahadhjndkd

warnings: implication of sex

word count: 2.4k

summary: one-night-stand. which according to the trusty urban dictionary means, “hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again.” you and partner of choice for the night, Jeon Jungkook, have had a handful of one-night-stands. why did this one stand out much more than the rest? college!au

A/N: i didn’t intend on writing another jungkook fic but i had gotten this request and shoot this was for sure a challenge to write hahaha. this is definitely the closest i will get to a ‘smut’. tbh i’m not really satisfied with this but like i’m never satisfied lmao. anyways, enjoy! thank you so much for this request anon!

47) “I thought it was a one-night-stand... and now we’re married.”

♫ ♫ ♫

It’s a rather cliche story. Jungkook was the handsome, seemingly perfect music major that girls of all ages would coo and awe over. You, on the other hand, majored in music as well, and happen to run into the young fellow every day. The two of you were both known to be very well-rounded and talented students, being at the top of the class and both exceeding in the same field. The odds always seemed to be in your favor as you two had never been paired up for any assignments or projects.

While the two of you were at the top of the class, you both had usually gotten paired up with students on the other side of the spectrum that happened to be struggling and failing. You, in particular, had grown accustomed to that, and you had hoped it never changed.

College parties and college boys had led you to have your own fair share of sexual experiences. Most of them being absolutely platonic and lasting for a single night, also known as, a one-night-stand. It happens, and along with Jungkook having the reputation of a seemingly perfect music major with the good grades and teachers following his beck and call, there was another side of him that everyone was aware of as well. That Jungkook with the chiseled body and the washboard abs, known to be good in bed, and also known to be a player. In regards to that information, you avoided him as much as you possibly could outside of school premises. You didn’t want to be the next person on his smash list.

“Miss Y/L/N and Mister Jeon, may I please speak to the two of you at the end of class?” your teacher Mrs. Lam questions the two of you one day as the hem of her skirt brushes along the side of your desk.

You turn around as Jungkook exchange confused stares before looking back at your teacher as you suddenly respond to clear the silence, “Yeah, of course.” She nods in agreement as she travels back to her desk. Your brows furrow in confusion, trying to think of what she was possibly going to talk to you two about. Jungkook taps you on the shoulder as you lean back in your seat to hear what he has to say, “Do you think we did something wrong?” he asks you. You pause for a moment, but not being able to think of any sort of time in this class where you two could’ve possibly caused any trouble. You two have always done the complete opposite in retrospect. You whisper back to him, “Not that I know of. Can you think of anything?” He scrunches his face, trying to possibly recall anything, “Nope, nothing.” You try to think of something, anything,

“I mean, we’re all doing our final projects, but it’s all individual, so it can’t be that,” you suggest.

“Yeah, it can’t be,” he replied. The final project was to compose your own song and it would count for 15% of our grade. Ms. Lam had made it an individual final to the dismay of many students who wished to get the guidance and help from the two of you.

“I guess we’ll just have to find out.”

“Yeah, well, it’s most likely not something bad, if it wasn’t for us, half the class would be failing.”

“You’re right.” you chuckle, turning back to face the front of the classroom.

Twenty-minutes quickly went by as the bell rang and signaled the end of class. Music happened to be your last period which is why she had the time to talk to the two of you. You packed up your belongings as you and Jungkook stood up from your seats. You looked back at him as you nodded at one another and walked up to the front of the classroom.

Ms. Lam looked up from her desk, “Oh, hello. You two aren’t in trouble of any sort, I was just wondering if you were willing to do something extra for the class. You see, the rest of the music department teachers and I are picking the top two students for each class to compose a song together,” she began to clarify.

Together? Oh god.

“It won’t count for your grade at all though. It’s just for us music teachers to see the true potential our top students hold.”

I mean, that’s sort of a relief.

“It also is optional of course too, but almost all the classes are deciding to participate.”

Well, that doesn’t mean we have to.

“After all, the winning duo does win $500,”

WHAT? $500?!

“I know for a fact that if I had an opportunity like this in college, I would snatch it.” she finishes off with a smug smile.

“I’ll do it.” Jungkook quickly replies, looking back at you, waiting for a response. You couldn’t just say no, and you weren’t going to. This is $500 we’re talking about, and you were going to win it.

“Me too,” you hesitantly answer back, a smile spreading onto your teacher’s face.

“The deadline is in exactly 3 weeks! I wish the best of luck to both of you. I believe that you two have a very good chance of winning.” your teacher finishes, as you two exchange ‘thanks’ and head out.

“So, when do you wanna start?” Jungkook asks, looking back at you as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I’m basically free whenever. Just text me, and we can figure out times.”

“Will do. We can work at my place if you want, my roommate is usually out until really late, but I’ll let you know,” he suggests.

“Alright, that’s cool, I’ll see you around then.”

“Okay, see you around Y/N.” he responded with his signature smile, heading the opposite direction. This was going to be interesting.

-

The next 3 weeks had gone by extremely quickly. Almost like a blur. Most of your nights were spent in Jungkook’s dorm; exchanging ideas, making beats, writing lyrics, and recording. You two would frequently sneak out just to get some food, and to be honest, you had both gotten comfortable with another fairly quickly. So quickly, it scared you.

There were several nights that you had accidentally fallen asleep in his dorm, and instead of waking you up and having him feel your wrath, he would carry you to his own bed and tuck you in while he slept on the floor. You felt really bad every time it happened, but you seriously couldn’t help it sometimes. You’d wake up to a set of his clothes to wear and walk out to see him stumbling around in the kitchen, hair ruffled and sticking out everywhere, attempting to make you breakfast. It had soon started to become one of the best things you could possibly wake up to in the morning.

You undeniably began to see him in a different light and wanting to be much more than just project partners, but you tried to put those feelings aside. You thought of him differently, and he wasn’t just what everyone thought he was. He was so much more. He was a sucker for love songs. He liked spending most of his free time playing video games and composing songs on his own. He even let you into his private folder of songs that he’s never let anyone listen to and all you can say is, wow. They were all so amazing, it left you speechless every time you listened to some of his works. His compositions were just so timeless and reminded you of all the R&B songs you know and love. His voice. It’s almost as if you’re put in a trance every time you hear him sing. His voice held so much emotion and control, it’s almost as if he truly meant those lyrics and was singing it to someone, and you wished that someone could be you.

You truly did hate the fact that you were falling for the boy. Almost every girl in school has fallen for him, and you didn’t want to be next up on his list. You didn’t really know what to think at this point, he didn’t really seem like that type of person the more you got to know him, and when you truly thought about it, you’re not that innocent either, and sometimes resorting to sex is what you did to take your mind off of things. It is college anyway.

-

You two had met up for your final day before the due date, making minor tweaks and going over everything. Not to be biased, but you really did think that the song you two made was pretty good. You loved the beat and its harmony and you and Jungkook did a pretty good job of displaying the emotions of the song. Bonus points for your voices blending very well together.

It was 1:30 in the morning and you two had finally agreed that you were done,

“Let’s listen to our Grammy Award-Winning single shall we?” Jungkook teased in a voice mimicking a host of an award show.

“Yes, you dumbass.” you chuckled, shaking your head as he gave you one side of his headphones.

You both sat in silence for 4 minutes, assessing the song and basking in the creation that you two made together. Everything worked out just the way you two wanted, and both artistic flavors were shown in the song itself. The song was amazing, and so was his voice, as always.

The song ended as Jungkook slowly put the headphones down before slowly looking back at you. You looked back at him and into his eyes, you hated the fact that you were falling for him and falling for him fast, but how could you not. Everything about him was just so ethereal and beautiful, to the way his eyes glimmered to the way he smiled.

You two sat side by side, staring into each other’s eyes not knowing what to say. You couldn’t take it anymore so you broke the stare, a deep flush of pink rushing to your cheeks. He gently takes your chin and turns your face to meet his once again. Your breath hitches and your eyes go wide at his actions as he starts to lean in. You could see all his features at this point. You had gotten so close that you could probably even count his eyelashes too. You close your eyes lean in as well as your lips meet. The lavender scent of his cologne was dizzying as well as his cherry-flavored lip balm. His lips were soft and pillow-like as they gently massaged your own. The kiss had started off slow but had soon escalated as you both crashed against his sheets and the rhythm of your kisses had started to become faster and faster. Parted lips had allowed access for tongue as he soon started to travel and explore the rest of your body that would later on leave visible marks the next day. Your bodies were pressed against another as you both fumbled with each other’s clothes, quickly throwing them off to the side. You both relished in the indescribable sensation that was each other. The rest of the night was filled with roaming hands and dancing fingers, gentle touches and rough ones too, lustful eyes and moans of pleasure. It was everything you both wanted and needed and more. Fuck, what did you just get yourself into?

You wake up to the sight of his muscular chest in front of your face, reminding you of the chain of events that had occurred the previous night. A twinge of guilt as well as regret rose within you for what you were about to do. Never speak a word to Jungkook again. If you win, you split the money and part ways, and if you don’t, even better. His arms were wrapped tightly around you in a warm embrace, his hair messily hanging in front of his eyes while his lips were slightly parted open. You blindly grab your phone on his nightstand and check the time, it was 4:45 in the morning. More than enough time to slip away and go back to your dorm unnoticed, he was a heavy sleeper anyway. You figured it was better to try to dismiss your feelings for the boy and make an attempt to go on with your life. College was coming to an end and you figured you didn’t want to spend your last weeks drowning in the seas of unrequited love. You’ve had enough of it.

You slowly and carefully try to slip out of his tight hold, resulting in a tiny whimper on his part. Your eyes widen until you see him begin to fall back into his deep slumber. You quietly put your sweats back on, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to actually see. You shove your phone back into your pocket and look back at the sleeping boy. He really was so beautiful and you know a part of yourself would hate the fact that you’re doing this. You step closer to the bed as you lean down towards him, holding your hair back, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. You took a big, deep sigh, beginning to take in what you were about to do. Goodbye, Jungkook.

-

“Damn, I thought it was a one-night-stand… and now we’re married” you mused, lying down on top of your bed, your husband Jungkook right by your side.

“Yeah, but hey, that song we made together was pretty good, wasn’t it?” he questions you, propping his body up on the bed with his elbow, looking down at you.

“It did win after all,” you nod in agreement, a small grin spreading across your face, reminiscing in the project that brought the two of you together in the first place.

“Soooo,” he chimed, brushing his hair back, “you up for round 2?”

You gasp while your brows furrow in utter shock as you throw a pillow at him and push him off the bed.

I guess some things just end up working together in perfect harmony.

-

-

-

MASTERLIST

#bts #bts imagines #bangtan #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #bts au #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts angst #bts smut #bts jin #bts rm #bts hoseok #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts jungkook #jungkook ff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook scenarios #bts texts #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

[alystayr]

Playlist musicale 2020 (1/2)

Liste des chansons (playlist 2020 - part. 1)

Mise à jour : 30 juin 2020

playlist 2020 (part.2), playlist 2020 (part. 1)

playlist 2019 (part.2), playlist 2019 (part. 1)

playlist 2018 (part. 2), playlist 2018 (part. 1)

playlist 2017 (part. 2), playlist 2017 (part. 1)

playlist 2016 (part. 2), playlist 2016 (part. 1)

playlist 2015

0-9 #

2Pac (Feat. Talent) - Changes (1998)

A

AC/DC - Who Made Who (1986)

Jeanne Added - Before The Sun (2018)

Aerosmith -  Janie's Got A Gun (1989)

The Afghan Whigs - Debonair (1993)

Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots (2014)

Alice In Chains - Would? (1992)

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies) (2004)

Archive - Bullets (2009)

Arno - Putain Putain (1983)

Asaf Avidan - Lost Horse (2020)

B

the B52’s - Rock Lobster (1979)

Axel Bauer - Eteins La Lumière (1990)

Bauhaus - She's In Parties (1983)

The Beach Boys - Darlin’ (1967)

Beck - Wow (2016)

Bénabar - Dis-lui oui (2003)

Louis Bertignac - C'est fini (2018)

Björk - Oceania (2004)

Neal Black & The Healers - Before daylight (2014)

The Black Crowes - Remedy (1992)

The Black Keys - Psychotic Girl (2008)

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Let the Day Begin (2013)

blink-182 - First Date (2001)

Blur - Out Of Time (2003)

David Bowie - Modern Love (1983)

Georges Brassens - La non-demande en mariage (1966)

The Breeders - Glorious (1990)

James Brown - Living in America (from Rocky IV) (1986)

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (1985)

The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season) (1965)

C

Cage The Elephant (Feat. Iggy Pop) - Broken Boy (2019)

Cake - Commissioning a Symphony in C (2001)

J.J. Cale - After Midnight (1972)

Cali - Elle M'a Dit (2003)

Johnny Cash (cover Merle Travis) - Sixteen Tons (1987)

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! (2008)

Ray Charles - Georgia On My Mind (1960)

Cigarettes After Sex - You're All I Want (2020)

CocoRosie - Restless (2020)

Leonard Cohen - Happens to the Heart (2019)

Coolio (feat. L.V.) - Gangsta's Paradise (from Dangerous Minds) (1995)

The Coral - The Operator (2005)

Creedence Clearwater Revival - I Heard It Through The Grapevine (1970)

The Crimea - Opposite Ends (2005)

Christine and the Queens - La vita nuova (2020)

Crosby, Stills & Nash - Long Time Gone (1969)

D

Death In Vegas - Hands Around My Throat (2002)

Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) (1997)

Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again (1987)

dEUS - Roses (1996)

Dirty Pretty Things - Gin and Milk (2006)

Dope Lemon - Hey You (2019)

Baxter Dury - Slumlord (2019)

Jacques Dutronc - L'opportuniste (1969)

Bob Dylan - False Prophet (2020)

E

Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (1984)

Eels - Blinking Lights (For Me) (2005)

Billie Eilish - No Time To Die (2020)

Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky (1977)

Eminem - Darkness (2020)

Eurythmics - Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four) (1984)

F

Faith No More - Falling to Pieces (1989)

Mylène Farmer - Ainsi Soit Je (1988)

Feu! Chatterton - La Malinche (2015)

Izo FitzRoy - Red Line (2020)

Foals - Neptune (2019)

G

Peter Gabriel - Red Rain (1986)

Serge Gainsbourg - Elisa (1969)

Liam Gallagher - Once (2019)

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. (2005)

Grand Corps Malade - Je Viens De Là (2008)

La Grande Sophie - Une vie (2019)

Green Day - Father of All... (2020)

H

Johnny Hallyday (cover The Animals) - Le Pénitencier (1964)

George Harrison - My Sweet Lord (1970)

Murray Head - One Night In Bangkok (1984)

Heartless Bastards - Hold Your Head High (2009)

Hole - Malibu (1998)

How to Destroy Angels - The Space in Between (2010)

I

IAM (feat. Kalash) - Eldorado (2019)

Idir - A vava inouva (1976)

Interpol - Everything Is Wrong (2014)

Izïa - Trop vite (2019)

J

Jack The Ripper - I was born a cancer (2005)

The Jesus And Mary Chain - Just Like Honey (1985)

Janis Joplin - Me And Bobby McGee (1971)

Joy Division - Decades (1980)

K

Gene Kelly  - Singing In The Rain (1952)

The Kills - Tape Song (2008)

B.B. King - Sweet Little Angel (1956)

Eric Kinny (Feat. Danica Dora)  - Last Goodbye (2019)

L

Mark Lanegan - Bleed All Over (2020)

Led Zeppelin - The Ocean (1973)

Life - Bum Hour (2019)

Limp Bizkit - Nookie (1999)

Little Richard  Long Tall Sally (1955)

Lofofora - Les Gens (1999)

Emily Loizeau - Coconut Madam (2009)

Clara Luciani - La grenade (2018)

M

Stephen Malkmus - Shadowbanned (2020)

Manu - Entre deux eaux (2019)

Mesparrow - The Symphony (2013)

Metallica - Sad But True (1991)

Pat Metheny (cover The Beatles) - And I Love Her (2011/1964)

Joni Mitchell - Blue (1971)

Moloko - The Time Is Now (2000)

Barry Moore - The Tide (2019)

Morcheeba - Part of the Process (1998)

Ennio Morricone -  Et pour quelques dollars de plus (1965)

Morrissey - The Truth About Ruth (2020)

Alison Mosshart - Rise (2020)

Jean-Louis Murat - Si je m'attendais / Troie (2020)

Muse - Time Is Running Out (2003)

N

Yael Naim - Daddy (2020)

Willie Nelson - On The Road Again (1980)

Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same (2005)

Noir Désir - Joey Part I (1989)

Nothing But Thieves - Forever & Ever More (2018)

Natalia Nykiel - Volcano (2019)

O

Agnes Obel - The Curse (2013)

Ozzy Osbourne (Feat. Elton John) - Ordinary Man (2020)

P

Paz - Ta peau (2020)

Pearl Jam - Dance Of The Clairvoyants (2020)

Pierre Perret - Lily (1977)

Lucky Peterson (cover Prince) - Purple Rain (1997)

Tom Petty - Runnin’ Down A Dream (1989)

Pink Floyd - Young Lust (1979)

Pixies - Catfish Kate (2019)

Pomme - Je sais pas danser (2019)

Iggy Pop - Loves Missing (2019)

Popa Chubby - Life Is a Beatdown (2004)

Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock (1957)

Eddy de Pretto - Kid (2018)

Puscifer - The Green Valley (2011)

Q

Queen - The Show Must Go On (1991)

R

R.E.M. - Man On The Moon (1992)

Radiohead - House of Cards (2007)

Rage Against The Machine - Testify (1999)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow (Hey Oh) (2006)

Lou Reed - Vicious (1972)

Catherine Ringer & Iggy Pop (cover Screamin' Jay Hawkins) - I Put A Spell On You (2018/1956)

Rival Sons - Jordan (2012)

The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash (1968)

S

Saez - J'accuse (2010)

Santana (cover Tito Puente) - Oye Como Va (1956/1970)

Siouxsie And The Banshees - Happy House (1980)

Slipknot - Psychosocial (2008)

The Smashing Pumpkins - Rhinoceros (1991)

Patti Smith - Because the Night (1978)

The Smiths - Stretch out and Wait (1986)

Soan - Emily (2009)

MC Solaar - Nouveau Western (1994)

Alain Souchon - C'est déjà ça (1993)

Soundgarden - Outshined (1991)

Spoon - Can I Sit Next To You (2017)

Bruce Springsteen - Streets of Philadelphia (from Philadelphia) (1993)

Steelers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You (from Reservoir Dogs) (1992)

Sting - Fragile (1987)

Joss Stone - Right To Be Wrong (2004)

The Stranglers - Skin Deep (1984)

The Strokes - At The Door (2020)

System Of A Down - Forest (2001)

T

Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper (2020)

Têtes Raides - Le phare (1992)

Hubert-Félix Thiéfaine - La fille du coupeur de joints (2015/1978)

Tool - Vicarious (2006)

Tricky -  Nothing’s Changed (2013)

The Twilight Singers - On The Corner (2011)

Twin Peaks - Making Breakfast (2014)

U

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (1987)

V

Stevie Ray Vaughan - Crossfire (1989)

W

Tom Waits - Gun Street Girl (1985)

Muddy Waters - Rolling Stone (Catfish Blues) (1950)

Roger Waters (cover Pïnk Floyd) - Mother (1979/2020)

Weezer - Hero (2020)

Erika Wennerstrom - Extraordinary Love (2018)

Jack White - Lazaretto (2014)

Emily Jane White - Washed Away (2019)

The White Stripes - The Denial Twist (2005)

Woodkid - Goliath (2020)

X

Y

Neil Young - Down by the River (1969)

Z

Hans Zimmer - S.T.A.Y. (Interstellar theme song) (2014)

#Listes #Musique #Playlist #2020 #Music #Rock #OST #Pop #Electro #Blues #Soundtrack

[marthfador]

Stole this from Twitter lol. Lost the og post but here’s the blank!

I tried to go for some bands that aren’t as completely well-known as well as some popular ones. I even tried to add some albums I’m fond of for those that I can tell the difference with! Breakdown and song recs under the cut! 

(U don’t gotta for the meme, I just like talkin abt music lol)

Going by rows, we’ll start with Gorillaz. They’re usually the band I mention if someone asks my favs because I’ve been with em since their first album. All of their albums are really good, but I think I’ve had the most fun with Plastic Beach! Humanz is probably my next choice followed by Demon Days. An underrated song from Humanz is Out of Body!

Daft Punk is another group I’ve been with since Discovery, which is quite frankly still one of the best albums out there. Everyone loves One More Time and Harder Better Faster Stronger but one of their overlooked songs that I’m fond of is Face To Face!

Nine Inch Nails.... SIGH. Gotta be that edge, right? But let’s be fair, I’ve gone to the past like 5-6 concerts they’ve put on, I can’t say I’m NOT a fan lmfao. No fav albums since again... 5-6 concerts. That’s 5-6 album drops. They’re all so good. Not to mention I love Trent Reznor... One song I’d say doesn’t get as much attention as the rest is God Given. (But again... Ow the Edge)

Studio Killers! Hello! The band Tumblr has babied up since they first started... I even cosplayed as Cherry for the one con I went to haha. Everyone knows the Ode to the Bouncer, Jenny.... But the most absolute BOP that I’ve fallen in love with the instant I bought their album was Friday Night Gurus. Just WAIT til the chorus, okay!!!

Scissor Sisters start the next row and like... What can you even say about them. I’m surprised they aren’t more of a thing here on Tumblr, their music is so catchy and bouncy and they sing about the wildest things, not to mention I’m pretty sure most of the band is LGBT in some way! While I try to aim for the more vague songs, Don’t Feel Like Dancing is my jam morning noon and night. (Also just LOOK at that video!)

In This Moment was actually a surprise get for me. I first got to see them opening up for another couple of bands and they absolutely stole the show. If you can ever get the chance, see them in concert!! I describe her as the Lady Gaga of metal- her outfits are fantastic and she’s got some hella backup dancers! As for songs, the list goes on... Whore, Blood, Black Widow... But here, have her singing with Judas Priest in Black Wedding. Yes, another edgy band but it’s metal, what do you expect.

Janelle Monae’s entire Dirty Computer album is fantastic and if you haven’t watched the little movie she’s shot to go with it, go do it now! It’s on youtube, what are you even waiting for!! We all love Pynk, The Way You Feel, Crazy Classic Life... But not gonna lie, Americans still gives me chills when I hear it. Not only is it a bop but Janelle def doesn’t shy away from Shooting Shots.

Beck lmfao. I honestly wouldn’t have thought to add him if it wasn’t for the concert I managed to get tickets to not long ago. His concert was PHENOMENAL, not to mention this new album of his was so fun and catchy... I just can’t help now but to say I love him. Not to mention his older hits like Where It’s At and Loser... Colors and Up All Night are so good but the song that blew my mind in concert and I had to get the instant I got home was Saw Lightening.

Des Rocs actually popped up on my Pandora and I had to look him up! Not only do I dig the whole look and aesthetic (black leather jacket wearing greaser guys? Hell yea) but I absolutely do love the sound. It’s got this retro rock feel and like... If you could Bang a Voice, I’d def choose this one lmao. Let Me Live/Let Me Die was the one that started it for me... But don’t miss out on Used To the Darkness either!

Mitski... It actually took me a few times to get onto this Tumblr train but once I got there I wallowed in it. Most of her songs are on my Sad Bitch Hours playlist but you know what? I’d describe listening to her music as sort of cathartic, I can lay down and stare at the ceiling listening to Mitski for an hour and somehow feel rejuvenated. I think Geyser was actually the one that got me into liking her, but Pink In the Night and Strawberry Blonde of course are good.

Florence and the Machine is kinda in the same playlist as Mitski, but I do absolutely love a lot of her songs. Many of them make me rather emotional (My work started playing Hunger and I nearly teared up at the register? Wtf?) but I think that’s kinda why I dig it. Dog Days Are Over is gonna always be my most favorite of them, but if you want one I don’t see many others chatting about, go for Cosmic Love. Big God is also a wonderful video if you haven’t seen it yet.

I’ve already talked and mentioned the Dead South in a previous post, but man do I love these boys! People talk about Gothic Cowboys and boy do these guys deliver. Their songs can be about death, adultery, literally losing your mind, so many other sort of dark topics but with such a catchy tune! Long Gone is a song that I get stuck in my head quite often!

Gogol Bordello... Wow, there’s so much I can say about this band. I believe the lead singer is from the Ukraine, his pal on the fiddle is from a country I cannot pronounce, he has twin backup dancers that are Swedish-Chinese, he has a guitar player from Honduras- this really is just a rag-tag group of people from all over the place making some fantastic music! I was lucky enough to see them in concert and their energy is off the fucking charts, I absolutely adore this group! Most people learn of them from Start Wearing Purple, one of my faves tho has to be When the Trickster Starts A-Pokin’... Also they performed with Madonna once? Hello? (Also I’m in love with Sergio’s fiddlin tbh)

Sofi Tukker is another artist I stumbled upon while listening to Pandora. It seems like many of her songs have a different style than the others, but they’re all so very catchy and have a wonderful energy to them. Speaking of... The song that got me into her best was Energia. I literally cannot listen to this song without moving a little to it, it’s such a poppy and fun song! For an English song though, try Best Friend. (Batshit Crazy is one I find funny too!)

Gold Fish was one I actually had to dig for at the time- one of their songs was playing in the background of one of those shitty Kia Hamster commercials lmfao. It was SUCH a bop even in the commercial that I had to find it! (It was Fort Knox btw) Again, as a lot of my poppy choices here, there’s such a good energy and upbeat sound to everything they do, it’s wonderful listening to. I actually love putting these guys on when doing chores around the house, it’s fun and gets the energy flowing and makes things a little more enjoyable! One that I also love to turn people towards is Get Busy Living. If you can’t tell between these two songs, they’re actually a sort of DJ-ish band- different vocalists and different sounds mixed in, but it’s all very well done!

Jain, another found treasure from a commercial... (Makeba was in a Levi’s commercial lol) I was reading that she was born in France, went to live in India for schooling, and wound up in South Africa to learn different musical stylings there- and it all very well feels like her music flows with all these different influences! I hate when stores use the generic word “ethnic” but I think her music and voice can very well fit in that sort of category. She’s got a lot of bouncy, poppy songs, but also a few more mellow songs as well... But of course I really love the bouncy stuff haha. If you need a song to get your heart pumping in the morning, I’d def recommend Star! A stranger sort of song that still has a great feel is Hope! 

#meme #music #mine #long post / #sorry mobile users :')

[drakewalkerfantasy]

Lullaby of  the soul (Beckett x Maeve)

Summary: When Maeve wake ups in the early morning she is alone and baby’s monitor is switched off. If everything is good with a baby? And what surprise or secret she will discover walking in the baby’s Nursery

Music used: You raise me up by Colton Haynes and Baby it’s Christmas by Travis-Atreo and Colton Haynes

Words: 1742

Authors notes: This set in AU when Maeve got pregnant after her graduation and where they fought  Beckett’s mother. So if someone wants to know what happened before this you can check my series called Without You click on the link for all my The Elementalists fanfics. 

Please let me know if anyone wants to be added or removed from my taglist.

Beckett x Maeve Harrington, baby Alexandra (Sasha) Harrington

**Warnings: no warnings**

This was early in the morning, when sun was just getting up. Waking up abruptly, wide-eyed, Maeve bolted up on the bed watching how the lights just started peak through curtains. This was lighter than she used to, but still darker than she would like it to be. Her eyes slowly getting used to the dusky light surrounding her. After unsettling nights she couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. It was quite and peaceful and unusually light. And this… this bothered her. During these couple of months she used to get so little sleep that this became a habit… the habit of waking up when darkness still reigned over the earth… the habit of waking up every couple of hours from the cry of the most precious creature. Months flew by and she got used to this. So today when she woke up with a dusk it felt… different. Slowly she looked around, her eyes landed on the empty space next to her and on the baby monitor that silently laid on the night stand. 

Silently… the thought streaked through her and she rushed to the monitor worrying that somehow she managed to forget to turn it on before going to bed. But something inside her screamed that this cannot be right as she never forgot to switch it on. Quickly turning it back to work she felt how her heart fluttered a little when a familiar voice echoed through the room. Letting out a breath of relief, she didn’t know she was holding, she slipped out of bed and tiptoed toward Sasha’s Nursery. 

When she approached the room she could hear the quiet cooing voice sounding from there. The voice was so quiet that she barely could here the words from the distance. She came closer standing on the threshold hiding in the shadows of early morning, watching Beckett rocking their baby girl. His voice quiet and soothing, his movements soft and gentle. Just after a moment of watching them she understood that he was singing.

She went closer to them mesmerised by the way his voice sounded in the early morning, low and husky, still laced with the remnants of sleep. This was first time when he heard him singing and his voice made her heart flutter inside her chest. 

Beckett slowly raised his head hearing Maeve approaching him while her light footsteps echoed through the room. He could feel how the blush crept to his cheeks, but didn’t stop to sing in hope that the baby finally will fall asleep soothed by his gentle voice. Coming closer Maeve slipped to the floor near to the armchair Beckett was sitting in, watching him with adoration and amusement in her eyes. The song lacing through air feeling it with warmth. His voice growing stronger with each sentence. 

There is no life - no life without its hunger Each restless heart beats so imperfectly But when you come and I am filled with wonder Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity

Maeve could see how Alexandra cradled to Beckett’s chest soothed by his quiet gentle voice, quietly snuffling. The small loving smile crept on Maeve’s lips and her eyes met Beckett’s. She listened to the song watching him slowly raising up not stopping singing. 

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas I am strong, when I am on your shoulders You raise me up… To more than I can be

Smoothly lowering the baby to her crib Beckett took Maeve’s hand in his quietly leading her out of the Nursery throwing a quick loving glance on their daughter. 

“Hey there,” murmured Beckett turning Maeve toward him his lips brushing hers.

“Hey Beck,” purred Maeve tiptoeing closer to him, her lips hovering over his, just a breath away. “How long were you up?” she whispered her lips touching his softly, feeling Beckett’s strong arms wrapping around her waist bringing her to him.

“I don’t know… Maybe some hours ago,” he mumbled, brushing the loose hair strand away from her face. “Alexandra had colics, so it took some time to calm her down and make her to sleep again.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” asked Maeve, her cheek pressed to Beckett’s chest inhaling his familiar scent, standing still in hallway.

“I know how exhausted you are. So I decided to let you sleep some more. Sorry for making you worry. But you was just so peaceful, that I didn’t wanted to wake you up so I switched off the monitor.” Beckett mumbled bringing her even closer to him, placing soft kiss on her forehead. “Sorry…”

“Beck, you have nothing to be sorry about,” she spoke quietly raising her head to meet his cloud grey eyes. He could see the teasing sparkles to form in her eyes before she started to speak. “And how come, all this years long I didn’t know, that Beckett Harrington is not only has a good looks and is super smart, but also can sing?”

“I…” Beckett could feel how his cheeks started to burn with raising hit, he let go of Maeve’s waist hiding his embarrassment in his palms and growled quietly. “I never thought that anyone will hear me doing this. I never though I was any good at this…”

“What’s again?” Maeve asked laughing.

“Drop it…” he mumbled, the tips of his ears turning dark shade of pink.

“Never! Mr. Harrington doesn’t think he is good at something? Also you are not as bad as you may think you are.” Maeve laughed removing his hands from his face. “Moreover…”

“What?” Beckett asked suspiciously.

“I want you to sing for me,” Maeve giggled watching how Beckett’s eyes widened.

“NEVER.”

“You sing to Sasha…” pouted Maeve.

“She is a baby,” retorted Beckett, before adding grudgingly. “Also that was the only way how to make her to fall asleep.”

“Pleeeeease?!”

“No! And don’t even try… you will never be able to convince me.”

“Is it a challenge, Mr. Harrington?” giggled Maeve mischievously watching at Beckett. His eyes widening and his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, when she took a step closer to him. Maeve’s lips just a breath away, her slender fingers walking up from the waistband of his pants toward his jaw, making him swallow hard. His heart thundering under her palm, her lips ghosted lightly over his. “Still not convincing?” Maeve murmured quietly to his ear, her hot breath caressing the sensitive skin.

“Mae…” Beckett moaned, his eyes closed, his forehead resting on hers,  “What are you doing to me?” he whispered opening his eyes to meet hers.

“I hope something good. Something really, really good.”

“Let’s go! I don’t want to wake up our daughter by your laughing when I will open my mouth to sing.” he smiled, taking Maeve’s hand in his and leading down the stairs to their leaving room.

When downstairs, he extended his hand, pulling her to him. Their bodies pressed close to each other, feeling every curve, feeling the heat radiating from both of them. Maeve rested her head over his pounding heart, he lowered his and his lips grazed over her ear lightly. Slowly they started to sway, while he hummed something softly into her ear. When he started to sing his soft voice carried them away, their eyes closed giving in to sensations. To pain. To hope. To love

Here we are standing at the gate And I don’t know where I’m going All I know is that it ain’t with you

Becket could feel how his heart throbbed from the memories popping into his mind. From the memories of them not being together. From the memories of them fighting for their love. His hands tightened around her and he pressed her closer to him.

My heart is beating out of my chest Now those beautiful eyes are welling up with tears Because our fears have come Even if the sky comes falling down I know I’ll make it home to you somehow

He swayed her lightly to the rhythm of music not letting go even for a second, feeling her hot breath on his skin, feeling her burning tears falling on his chest. He knew that she also remembered this time when they couldn’t be together. Scared to death of what may happen to each other, scared not for themselves but for one another. Her throat tightened trying to suppress a sob, her eyes still closed and her hands firmer gripped into him as for dear life. She remembered their promises, their fears and their determination to get stronger to get through their pain clinging desperately to the hope. 

Cause baby it’s Christmas I’m trying so hard just to get to you And girl I miss you so much Watching this old clock is what gets me through

He could feel her soft fingers wrapping around his wrist touching the old clock he never took off. Remembering the times she had it wrapped around her own wrist, remembering the times when she couldn’t even touch him. She slowly opened her eyes meeting his. Her hands sliding up his arms circling around his neck, while his still firmly gripped her waist bringing her as close as possible to his body. 

Closer to you in the snowflake fall A couple of babies and their crying call I made it home so we can be us Now baby it’s Christmas Now baby it’s Christmas It’s Christmas

Beckett felt how his voice became more hoarse and how his emotions grew stronger taking full control over him, making his voice break a little. His lips brushing her ear, singing quieter, feeling her body leaning into his. When the song finished and the last words died in the silence of the room, they stood still, their bodies pressed to each other, not ready to speak, still overwhelmed with emotions this song brought back to them. 

“Thank you,” she whispered her eyes meeting his, breathless from the overwhelming feelings and hurtful memories. “Thank you for singing to me.” Slowly their lips touched, moving in a perfect sync, pouring in it all the feelings and all the love they shared. After a moment, breaking the kiss Maeve looked deeply into Beckett’s eyes, the soft smile playing on her lips. And finally for the first time since their graduation she knew that this nightmare was really over and she can finally breathe again.

Tagging: @elles-choices @lilyofchoices @boneandfur @queen-among-writers @walkerismychoice​ @hopelessromantic1352​ @confessionsofabrokegirl​ @msjpuddleduck​ @desiree-0816​ @lapisreviewsstuff​ @annekebbphotography @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @ifyouseekheart @darley1101 @the-soot-sprite

#the elementalists #the elementalists 2 #beckett harrington #beckett x mc #beckett harrington fanfic #the elementalists fanfiction #the elementalists fanfic #playchoices #playchoices fanfic #playchoices fanfiction

[judeiscariot]

Doin’ another one of these cause I’m bored

color: lavender/royal blue/sunflower yellow color to wear: All blues, lots of darks, occasionally brights like yellow or red eye color: Brown

natural hair color: A little less than dark brown

number: 8 domestic animal: cats wild animal: Bengal tiger sea animal: sharks are pretty cool

forest animal: I fuckin love deers

snack food: cheese and crackers/cereal fruit: strawberries/mango

vegetable: potatoes, cucumbers, asparagus meat: chicken I guess, I don’t like meat that much nut: pecans

ice cream: cookies n cream of salted caramel. cake flavor: just plain yellow cake candy: lindt chocolates or sour patch kids chip flavor: original lays or salt and vinegar soup: miso or pretty much any kind of thin asian soup salad dressing: balsamic vinaigrette or caesar soda: fanta or sprite alcoholic beverage: too young to drink  type of coffee: mocha or cappuccino  juice: orange

pizza toppings: just plain cheese international cuisine: pretty much any type of asian or Italian 

movie: Sing Street, Deapool, Bohemian Rhapsody actors: Rami Malik, Ferdia Walsh-Peelo, Ryan Reynolds (but only because he was in Deadpool) actresses: idk director: I don’t really pay attention to the directors of movies I watch honestly horror movie: The Shining action movie: Any marvel movie

romance movie: I don’t watch that many romance movies  black and white movie: same ^

musical: les miserables or dear Evan Hanson tv show: The Good Place talk show: don't really watch those either band: Queen

female vocalist:  honestly I don't know male vocalist: Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, Tyler Joseph, Patrick Stump song: too many. i have an entire playlist of favourite songs. music video: Queen’s I Want to Break Free or Crazy Little Thing Called Love album: too many. concert you’ve been to: I’ve only been to two but I fucking love concerts (Beck and David Byrne) but I know I’m going to at least three in 2019 so :) music genre: Alternative painting: The Kiss by Gustav Klint artist: I love af Klint sculpture: The Thinker and also every greek god sculpture ever

art style: legit all of them book: oh way too many to choose

author: same ^ book series: I love the Young Elites genre of literature: Historical fiction lately magazine: Life/Time biography/autobiography: Mercury and Me by Jim Hutton

t-shirt you own: Boston Red Sox shirt. so comfortable. love it. clothing style: Either super causal or Freddie mercurynlike flamboyant depending on my mood. There’s honestly no in between. type of bottoms: Jeans or leggings type of bathing suit: Swim trunks and swim shirt ‘cause I’m dysphoric and self-conscious shoes: sneakers. clothing brand: none in particular. clothing store: the internet grocery store: any. convenience store: I don’t know

restaurant: i have many faves, depends what i feel like. bar: I'm too young for that shit fast food place: I don't really eat fast food donut shop: krispy kreme. breakfast food: pancakes girl’s name: Bandit, Luna  or Maeve. boy’s name: Tyler, Roger, Clancy, Patrick family member: Definitely my dad friend: @satans-favorite-gremlin, @hocksquawks, @storksaregay and @sinkingmonkey poem: The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe poet: I like a lot of poets nail color: I don’t paint my nails that much but when I do usually some sort of blue or light pink makeup brand: don’t really wear it makeup: eyeliner if I had to choose comedian: John Mulaney 100% celebrity: I like a lot of celebrities don’t make me choose

superhero: Freddie fuckin Mercury superhero movie: Thor Ragnarok comic book/graphic novel: I don’t really read them but I kinda wish I did supervillain: The Joker perfume: Don’t wear it candle scent: anything citrus smell: Citrus nature smell: Pine  flower: Roses or hyacinths (hyacinths are pretty but I most like them for the greek mythology aspect) tree: Birch piece of jewelry: Ring color of jewelry: Emerald green politician: don’t make me please political party: Center, leaning towards left hairstyle: short kinda boyish with the sides buzzed summer activity: eating ice-cream outside

winter activity: drinking tea and watching a shit ton of movies fall activity:FUCKIN HALLOWEEN and also over-sized sweaters

spring activity: staying inside and not getting horrible allergies  conversation topic: So many I like piercing or tattoo you have: I only have my ears pierced but I would like some type of nose piercing and probably a ton of tattoos when I’m older joke: Jimmy Fallon’s shitty dad jokes insect/bug/arachnid: Bees please!! season: autumn. month: November youtuber: I like a lot of youtubers movie franchise: hmm. idk actually! kid’s cartoon: For some reason I find Teen Titans Go very entertaining (Maybe its for nostalgic purposes because I used to watch that a lot when I was younger) adult cartoon: the simpsons. disney movie: Alice in Wonderland disney princess: Mulan.

car: Tesla or Jeep Wrangler color for cars: White I guess party game: Uno and pretty much any board games computer game: the sims series. instrument: Piano, Ukulele, Guitar, Drums, and also I love violin but I don't play it planet: Viva La Pluto

[natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk]

Kaminari x Jirou

Scenario: https://natsspammityspamspamham.tumblr.com/post/177779009442/kaminari-playing-out-of-tune-guitar-jirou-you

“Step on up! Step on up!” Kaminari called in the common area of the UA dorm. It was a slow Saturday, so barely anyone was around. “Any requests?” He asked playing around with the tuners. His strings had a strange twang-like sound when he plucked at them, and the pitch of each string was extremely off.

“I’ve got one,” Jirou grinned sitting on the sofa with her phone.

Kaminari anticipated her request.

“Stop,” she said with a straight face.

“Come on, I’m trying,” he chuckled still trying to figure out how to tune it.

She smiled. “Your face.” She giggled, “that’s one weird expression, but I guess that’s your focused face? It reminds me of when you overuse your quirk.”

“Ha ha ha,” he sarcastically laughed unamused.

She reached out her hand. “Give that to me. I’ve been watching you tune for five minutes, and it’s painful to watch.” He handed the guitar to her. It only took her a minute to find the perfect pitch for each of the six strings. She was a natural.

“Whoa! That’s amazing!” He exclaimed, “you’ve gotta teach me how to play. You have all those instruments in your room, right? You’re probably a prodigy or something! You have a ton of talent!”

“No, it’s just a hobby I have,” she insisted. Her face was blushing a peach pink.

“But I’ve heard you play! Sometimes, I’ll hear it when I’m passing by. The way you do that thing with the thing! It sounds so cool!” He began to imitate guitar sounds with his guitar. It sounded dreadful, but he was trying his best. “Can you please play me something? Please?” He begged. She was really blushing now. She wasn’t used to playing in front of anyone. She just played to herself. After listening to the radio and her dad growing up, she wanted to give her own shot at music.

She was handed the guitar. She inhaled and exhaled. Placing her calloused fingers on the strings, she strummed a chord and hummed softly. She played an upbeat song as she tore through riffs and improvisations effortlessly. Soon, she was fully singing an original song that she had felt constantly playing in her heart. It came out naturally, and it made his heart skip a beat. She finished with a bang and smiled. He roared with applause asking if she’d do an encore. She shook her head adamantly and handed the guitar back to him.

His eyes were so bright and full of life with a grin that went ear to ear. “You’ve gotta teach me! That was so good! It’s too bad nobody was around to hear it.”

She didn’t want to tell him, but that was her first time playing in front of anyone besides her family and Momo. But even they didn’t know she liked to write and improvise songs on the side. For some reason, she just effortlessly broke open her song without a second thought, but even though it was out of impulse, she didn’t feel a single regret. Her mind was flustered and racing at a mile per minute. “Sure, I’ll teach you.” She grinned. She handed him back the guitar. “Maybe we’ll even be able to jam together. You on guitar, me on bass, that might actually be fun. You’ve gotta get better first though.”

“Yup!” He beamed from ear to ear. He couldn’t even hide his excitement; he felt like doing backflips. He wanted to thank the music gods for this moment. His heart was jolting with electricity. “I’ll be at your beck and call, teach.” He tried to play it cool, but he knew that his whole face was showing otherwise.

“Cool. We’ll start tomorrow then.” She walked away back into her dorm. In her mind, thoughts were racing back and forth. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she was kind of excited to spend time with him to play music. She had never taught anyone before. She had barely played in front of anyone before. But she felt like he was different.

Kaminari was dancing and jumping with the guitar. He couldn’t help but flashback to when she played. Her fingers flew across the frets as her music danced in the air. Her short purple hair swayed a little as she went along with her melody. It was beautiful, stunning, and he felt fully captivated. But as he pranced back to his dorm, he nearly jumped into the doorframe. He stumbled back and thought to himself that he had to try hard. He wanted to impress her. He was going to be a student worthy of her time. But most of all, he wanted to make her smile and laugh.

I wanted to try writing for some reason. Really, it was three in the morning, and I was too stressed to sleep. I wrote this on mobile, and all I can say is... writing on a desktop is so much easier. I’m so used to desktop Tumblr. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story of you did happen to read it. I don’t consider myself a good writer at all. My grammar and spelling sucks, I’m kind of an illiterate buffoon, and I just don’t have a way with words. I just hope this idea got across. As someone who has no experience in the realm of romantic love, I’m probably the least qualified person to write fluff scenarios. I’m going off other people’s experiences for the most part. If everything works out, I might even write a short epilogue or sequel. But that may rely on whether I can convince myself my writing is okay. 

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #kaminari x jirou #kaminari denki #jirou kyouka #kamijirou

[vanchlo]

The Firsts / #5, “The First Time Without”

*not my gifs*

---> NEXT BLURB: Um, not sure with finals coming up . . Check the series masterlist for updates!

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST    

READ ON WATTPAD

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

and i’m too lazy for italics bc tumblr ignores formatting like that i do in Docs so sorry

WARNINGS: Swearing, distressing topics, hella lotta angst and sadness

WORD COUNT: 16.5k words (WOWZAS!!!)

SONG: Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie (click to listen)

                                          * Sneak PeeEEEK! *

“‘ve rehearsed it so many bloody times in me head, but now, I actually get t’ talk t’ you and I can’t rememba,” he admits softly with shame painting his voice, and an out of place smile.

“All I know . .  ‘s that I miss you and it scares me how much I can miss you sittin’ at a meetin’ with you across tha table. I miss you like you’ve gone . . but inna way, you have. I miss you in so many ways, walkin’ in tha door at home t’ you, findin’ you’d claimed me sofa again fer anotha day workin’ t’getha, or even that you’d be usin’ one o’ me favourite coffee mugs or jumpers. I miss those small things, and then, I even miss wakin’ up next t’ you, talkin’ t’ you ‘bout songs, ‘bout art, or gettin’ yer advice on a recipe or an argument inna case. ‘d missed you like mad befo’, but nuthin’ compares t’ this. Didn’t know I could miss somebody so much that ‘m always sore from it, that I ache when I see you and can’t touch you or talk t’ you.”

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the ways we expect.”

- Luna Lovegood

*

“You can only actually help someone who wants to be helped.”

- Jojo Moyes, Me Before You

+

It smelled of metal and disinfectant around me, but I tried to drown it out with the images I scroll through. The electronic beeping wormed its way into my thoughts, but I welcomed the respite from the chaos toiling around in there. Images of friends and casual strangers litter my Instagram feed and instead of looking away when the dinging stops, I continue, distracting myself. That in itself seems to be my job for the last few weeks, owned by the number one job of not thinking about it. It’s followed by another important task of not crying in public, and saving it for at home despite the place owning that name changing recently. I’ve failed at all of those jobs the second I think about the person who I called my home for so long now, and can’t any longer. 

The new smell is what gets me at first, and immediately, the pictures are forgotten. I know before I look up that the facade is broken. Then, everything is shattered within a few moments, no matter how good I’ve gotten at ignoring him, or pushing down the feelings when I see him across the table at a team meeting. I’ve gotten good at the pretending part, but the only person I’ve never been able to do that around is the very one who accompanies me on the elevator now. My bad luck echoes when I finally chance a glance and I leave it for too long, because then he looks up and meets my eyes. 

Harry. My home . . but he’s not that any longer. 

“Hi,” he risks with a gentle curve of his lips, and a softness in his eyes that he holds in his hands for me too. A softness that never left him once I worked my way into his heart all of those years ago, it’s one that I still can’t allow myself to get rid of. 

“Hi,” I return curtly, tearing my eyes away from him, and his new suit. A mauve ensemble with a raven black button up underneath. Spiffy, indeed. It feels like a mini marathon to look away from him in that suit, and how it hugs him in all of the right places. The biceps, the chest, how it opens at his wildly attractive throat, reminds me of the base that we never hit when my eyes venture too low, and his bum. No, I can’t see it from my view right now, but I’d made sure to have seen it earlier today. 

“‘s good timin’, I was wonderin’ if we could talk,” he ventures out on a limb to say, and my eyes are rolling before he gets to finish. 

“I don’t want to talk, Harry.” 

“Becks, please, jus’ lemme finish, bug,” he says, and I wonder how he can be so gutsy to use those two coveted names within one sentence. Despite his bravery, the gesture does its job, and I gulp against the longing that climbs up my throat. 

“No, you don’t get to.” 

                                     Several Weeks Earlier . . . 

“And just what are you mmming about?” I giggle under the spray of kisses he scatters across my face. 

“‘ve been waitin’ all day t’ smother you in kisses, that’s why,” he hums against my skin, bringing goosebumps to the surface with his warm breath so near. A laugh sings from me when his fingers linger to a ticklish spot on my side. 

“Harry, don’t you dare!” 

“Sorry, swear I didn’t mean t’,” he giggles in between kisses that he sponges down my chest. “Mmmm, I love these so much.” 

“And why is that?”

“Why all tha questions, lovey?” he says, asking one of his own. He lifts an eyebrow at me from under the hood of his dark, thick eyelashes. A dimple collapses into his cheek while one corner of his mouth raises. “Can’t I love yer tits without havin’ t’ say why? Rather sure y’know why, anyways.” 

“Yeah, you’re obsessed with them,” I say, a laugh sputtering from my lips. A groan interrupts them when he teases me with those lips. “It’d be nice if you could not make jokes about them while our coworkers are around.” 

“Hey, I didn’t know My was in tha copier room, ‘s not me fault. Y’know he doesn’t give a shit about our PDA at work, and c’mon, Becks, they really did look incredible in that blouse t’day,” Harry winks from below me, lips venturing to the space above my belly button. “I love ‘em, they’re pink and perfect.” 

A redness sits in my cheeks as I titter, pressing the back of my hand against my shy lips, embarrassment coating them thickly. “We should be taking down the Halloween decorations instead of this.” 

“Hush you,” he murmurs. 

His hair is tangled and yet handsome when I catch my fingers in it, scratching my fingernails against his scalp. My eyes stay glued to it and his figure hunched over me, lips stopping at the hem of my underwear. I already know about the smirk lining his lips when he lifts his head to pose a question to me with his eyes. 

“Hmmm?” he murmurs, but I shake my head, again. “C’mon, Becks, it’d feel good, love. I wanna taste you.” 

Shaking my head once more, a refusal hums from me as my cheeks turn to the color of apples that I hope he can’t see. He sighs with a shake of his head, clucking his tongue at me while pressing kisses to the inside of my leg, soon reaching the pillowy flesh of my inner thigh. Closing my eyes, I press my lips together and sigh, my arm falling over my chest. I try to remember when I had lost my shirt and when he had lost his, but these days, it’s hard to remember if it was after the first kiss or the fiftieth. 

His lips reach further down my thigh and close to my blush colored underwear, a lacy part I’d bought recently. Once his lips had ventured down there, a knot inside of my stomach appeared, and it only grows tighter as his lips drop lower. It threatens to unravel when his nose brushes against the hemline, pushing it back to kiss the recently hidden flesh of my hip. 

“Harry!” I exclaim, tugging softly at the hair on the nape of his neck. 

“What? I was jus’ gettin’ t’ tha good part.” 

“You know I’m not-.” 

“I know,” he groans, situating himself high over top of me again like we had started, and with a kiss to the lips too. Despite the gesture, I can see the tension in his jaw and the annoyance in his eyes. “I can’t eat you out and I can’t fook you, so what ‘s there left fer me t’ do, huh?”

“Kiss me,” I say, and for some reason, it comes out sounding like a question. He huffs and bends down to place his lips on mine, but from the start, it doesn’t feel right. Now, I can feel the tension in his shoulders and the rigidness of his lips on mine. “What, are you not into this anymore?” I inquire after ending the kiss, twirling a curl of his around my finger on his neck. 

“No, ‘s not that,” Harry answers, eyes straying from me. A hand lifts from the bed and he draws invisible shapes on my skin with the lightest of touch until it runs loose on me. 

“Stop playing with my boobs and look at me,” I laugh, laying an arm across my bare chest and lifting his chin. The playful glint he so often holds in his eyes is there, but once my laugh falls away, it does too. “You’re being impatient again, aren’t you?”

“I jus’ dunno why we can’t do mo’, Becks, we’ve been t’getha ten months. Loads o’ couples have sex befo’ then and tha girlfriend lets their boyfriend eat ‘em out too.” 

“We’re not other couples, Harry, and I’m just not ready,” I say, combing the stray curls off of his forehead. My hand wanders to his smooth cheeks that already feel sandpapery despite him shaving this morning, right next to me as I washed my face. 

“I know, ‘m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. Does Mr. Impatient want some head?” 

“Nah, ‘m good. Let’s jus’ go eat dinna, ‘m hungry,” he says sadly, climbing off of me and the bed. 

“That’s not what your dick is saying,” I respond, sitting up and pulling my shirt over my head, watching as he pulls a pair of joggers over his briefs to hide the bulge in his underwear. 

“‘m fine. Now, what d’ya want fer dinna?” he continues, stepping in the hallway, forgetting his shirt on the bedroom floor. 

“Dick.” 

“Fine, you can make yer own dinna, sassy pants!” he calls to me, joined by the sound of his bare feet slapping on the wooden stairs. 

With a sigh, I close my eyes and fall back onto the bed with a little bounce, thinking about him. I think about the look on his face when it was between my thighs, then between my breasts, and nosing at my underwear. What is wrong with me to deny that man? I don’t know, I want to do the deed with him- I want to make love to him and for him to make love to me, but for some reason, I’m just not ready. I have a weird feeling about the whole thing, like I should wait. I just wish that I knew the why.

+

I hear it before I see it, like I so often do. It runs a trail down the hallway and to my ears, pulling my lips into a smile long before I see the one sitting on his. 

“What on your phone is so funny?” I inquire, stopping in front of his desk and dropping his mail next to his keyboard. Another giggle tickles his lips as he pinches his bottom lip between his fingers, staring at something on his phone. 

“Yer dad ‘s what.” 

“I should’ve known,” I sigh, falling onto one of the chairs in front of his desk, watching as his thumbs flit across the screen. “I swear, you talk to my dad more than I talk to him, and he’s my dad!” 

“Uh oh, ‘s somebody gettin’ jealous now?” he teases, lifting his eyes to look at me as he sets his phone down.  

“No, why would I be jealous of you texting my dad? It makes me happy.” 

“Hmm, not sure I believe you, bug,” he remarks, popping a mint into his mouth, immediately chewing it. Sometimes, I really don’t get him. “Then why d’ya get so bent outta shape sometimes, hmm?”

Clucking my tongue, I huff with a smile that hugs the corner of my lips, “Maybe because he doesn’t answer when I call because he’s talking to somebody else.” 

“Hey now,” Harry titters, gesturing a hand at me to come to him once I’ve stood up. “Don’t be that way.” 

“I’m not being any way,” I say, turning around after considering the books he’s added to a new shelf of his. These ones are music biographies, big surprise. 

“Sure ya aren’t. C’mere, me stubborn girl,” he beckons, and I obey, taking slow steps over to him until I walk between his legs. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” I return, just as softly as he had uttered it. His rose lips spread into a sweet smile, reminding me why it’s always so damn hard to stay mad at him. 

“Are you grumpy?” Harry asks with the most adorable of pouts poised on his lips, winking at me. 

“No, I’m not grumpy. Are you ready to get started on this case? We really can’t be dawdling, you know.” 

“I know,” he answers, sadness stuck to his words. It guides his actions that lead him to look away from me, pulling me closer until he rests his forehead below my collarbone. 

“Then why are you these last few days? I thought you were so excited that we got this case, everybody else fought us for it.” 

“I am, but ‘s intimidatin’. I dunno if ‘m cut out fer it,” he says, slowly extending his fingers along the small of my back, and then pulling them back into a fist. In and out. In and out. “What if we can’t win it, Becks?” he asks, lifting his head to meet my eyes, and I wish I couldn’t see the blatant fear held in them. 

“Then we can’t. We can only do our best, Harry, that’s what you’ve always told me.” 

“And what if my best isn’t good enough? Ev’rybody ‘cross tha whole bloody world ‘s watchin’ this case, waitin’ t’ see what happens,” he continues, avoiding my eyes entirely, now tracing the pattern on the front of my blouse. 

“It will be, and it is, Harry. I promise you.” 

His head slowly moves up and down, but no words leave him. His questions bounce off the walls in my mind, replaying themselves, and I only wish that I could express my worry too. I’d certainly grown more confident in my abilities since I started working with him, and I owed it not just to his teachings, but also the confidence that he’s instilled in me. I hadn’t given him the go ahead for us to split a case equal between us, and I never knew when I’d be ready for that, so I’d always leaned on him and his skills, but now I was worried to do that. I’m afraid to, and I’d never been before. 

“Everything will be okay, Harry.” 

“I hope so, Becks,” he croaks, laying his forehead on my chest and his closing eyes flutter against my skin softly. I hold in the sigh that I want to let fall, but instead, I run my fingers through his hair and down his back, unsure of what more I can do. If there was anything I couldn’t be sure of, it was the future and what it held, and how little I knew what was coming.

+

It started that night, daunting and unwilling to let go, and if only I’d known what it was the beginning of. 

I kept checking my phone, staring at the clock that moved like molasses, and waiting for the text that wouldn’t come. Exhaling loudly, I swipe across the screen until his name is waiting for me, and I do it before I can stop myself. 

Are you on your way home yet? It’s supposed to snow tonight, maybe it is already. I don’t want you to get caught in it with bad roads

The word ‘delivered’ appears and then stares back at me, almost taunting me. Before my eyes, it changes to ‘read’ and I wait for the gray bubble to pop up on his side, but it doesn’t. I watch and I wait, and nothing happens. No thumbs up, no text reaction, no ‘b home soon,’ like he so often sends. Not a thing. I forget how long I sit there watching my phone screen, tapping at it when it grows dark, and wishing he’d send something. It got even later when I finally press the lock button and set my phone down on the nightstand, glancing at the alarm clock beside it. 

11:38. 

I tried not to worry and I tried not to overthink it, but I was already past that when I turned off the light. My heart continued to ram against my ribs as I slid under the cold blankets in an empty bed, watching the steady glow of the streetlamp outside the window. I lied there and I tried and I wanted to, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I had a hard time remembering the last time I had slept in a bed without him, even before I moved in we had sleepovers at his. I wasn’t sure how I’d get any sleep for another day of work tomorrow, knowing that I’d be up in seven hours, and so would he. That’s if I could shut off all of this worrying and fall asleep, if only. 

I listen to the whir of cars passing along on the street, and I find myself wishing one of them is his, but it’s too long until it actually is. The space around me had grown warm, but if I move a leg too far, I’m greeted by icy sheets. It had never been that way, I could always move a little and find him and his warmth. Sometimes, I’d wake in the morning and he was all around me, clinging to me and my heat. 

It was in the middle of a long, sleepy blink that I heard a door open downstairs, and shut. It was loud, a clumsy kind of one, and so are the footsteps that soon come up the stairs. A sigh tickles my ears before the door opens slowly with a squeak, and his feet pad through our bedroom. I only see a flash of him before he ducks into the ensuite bathroom with what looks like a handful of clothes. I watch the shadows that interrupt the bar of light under the door, and listen to his whistling and humming amidst the sloshing of running water. 

His eyes are tired when he opens the door again, and they only look all the more exhausted when they find mine in the lit darkness. 

“Why aren’t you sleepin’, bug?” he rasps, stepping forward in his outfit of nothing but joggers donning his legs. He claims that he can’t wear a shirt without getting too warm, because I heat the entire bed, or so he says. Right now, I don’t believe it. 

“I couldn’t . . without you.” 

“Oh, Becks,” he frowns, padding across the hardwood floor and pulling back the sheets to slip under them. “Brr, ‘m cold, warm me up, would ya?”

“Ugh, you’re freezing!” I exclaim, my nervousness melting away into giggles that tickle his neck as he wraps me in his arms. 

“Mmmm, now that’s better.” 

I hum a reply into his chest, dragging my fingers along his spine, touching the wispy baby hairs that cover his body like down. The questions from before still rummage around in my mind, looking for purchase. 

“Why were you out so late?” I decide to ask, smelling the toothpaste we use on my own breath, and then his. 

“Didn’t mean t’, jus’ lost track o’ time with Rore. We had some drinks and I didn’t wanna drive home buzzed, so I waited it out and had some waters.” 

“Good boy,” I reply, nuzzling into his cozy chest, feeling the feathery hair there tickle my face. Yawning, I let my body relax now that mine is finally back with his, one specific question hiding in the back of my mind. “But why didn’t you answer?” I mumble without caution, feeling myself begin to melt into a puddle of sleep against him. 

“Answer what?”

“Your phone,” I drawl, losing the feeling of my fingers and then my feet. 

“Jus’ go t’ sleep, bug. It doesn’t matter.” 

“Okay,” I hum in reply, not even sure of what he’d just said. “Goodnight, Harry. Love you.” 

“Night, my Becks,” he responds with a peck to my head, sounding far away.

+

The tapping of my shoes against the tiling fills my ears as I flip through his mail, noting which ones should go on top for him to see first, and what can remain at the bottom to be forgotten about until later. Something I’d accidentally fall back into the habit of when I returned to the firm, despite being a lawyer now, and not his assistant. Humming a tune I had heard earlier today, I look up and stop in his doorway, finding myself in an odd moment. With his eyes bent down, I can tell that he doesn’t know I’m there yet, and that he does it because he doesn’t see me. 

“What are you doing? It’s nine o’clock,” I titter, covering my mouth when my voice scares him, causing the brown liquid to spill over the side of his mug. 

“God, can ya maybe not scare tha shit outta me next time?” Harry almost retorts, mopping it up with a napkin before screwing the cap back onto the bottle. 

“Harry, I said, what are you doing?” I repeat, click clacking my way into his office and dropping his mail on his desk, yet again. 

“What? ‘s jus’ whiskey. Can I not make my coffee a li’l irish ev’ry now and then?” he questions, lifting the tall mug to his lips to sip from, steaming wafting against his face. 

“I guess so,” I trail off, waltzing back to the sofa and picking up my laptop. Sitting down, I place it on my lap and open it back up, watching the long pull he takes from the mug. Bringing up the internet browser I was using before, I scroll through the document as I try to forget watching him fill the mug nearly half of the way with whiskey.

+

“Harry?” I call out, toeing off my chestnut colored winter boots, hoping he won’t notice the puddle of water next to the shoe mat. He’s such a dad with the things he gets cross about, I swear. “Hello, are you home yet? I brought you some leftovers from Skye’s, you know, for dinner.” 

Padding into the house, I’m met with darkness and a soft silence. I don’t find my boyfriend sprawled out on the sofa in the living room, a show on the telly. I walk past the large flat screen and knock on the door of his study before pushing it open, finding that that room is also dark. 

“Harry, hello?” I almost shout again, taking the steps two at a time until I reach our bedroom, wondering if he was taking a nap after his early morning, or if he happened to not be feeling well. Once again, I come up empty handed, and my head begins to spin as the cogs turn inside of it. 

“Hullo?” the voice on the other side says whilst I pad down the stairs quickly. 

“Hi, where are you?”

“‘m at tha pub with My, why?” he says, and I can tell by the sound of clinking glasses and loud voices coming from his side. 

“Oh, just wondering. I thought you said you were coming straight home to work more on the case,” I begin, intending to continue but I don’t get the chance to. 

“No, I spent all bloody day workin’ on it, why should I spend me night off pourin’ over it too?” he nearly retorts, and I stop in my tracks before the island, taken aback by his tone. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t say you had to or anything, Harry. Is something wrong?”

“No, ‘d jus’ appreciate not havin’ you nag me like yer me mother or sumthin’. ‘m an adult, can’t I go out fer a drink at tha pub afta work? Reckon ‘ve deserved it, dontch’u think?” he continues with a carry to his voice that I don’t like, and it only begins to make sense once I’ve picked out the slur in his words. 

“Yeah, of course, just don’t drink too much, okay? And drive safe. Maybe don’t stay out as late as last night, you have an early meeting.” 

“I jus’ said don’t bloody nag me, and look what ya start doin’,” he bites back and I shudder, taking a seat at the island to steady my feet. 

“I didn’t mean to, Harry, I just care-.” 

“If ya fookin’ care so much, Becky, then stop treatin’ me like a damn baby,” he spits at me, and I hear the dial tone. 

“What the fuck?” I mutter under my breath, pulling my phone away from my ear. I grimace at the image on my lockscreen that only makes the wound sting worse. 

Dinner went down harshly and so did the glass of wine that I had with it although regrettably. Watching FRIENDS without him was a bore and it didn’t last long, afraid I’ll only piss him off further if he came home to see me skipping ahead in our show without him there. I whittled away at the next things to be done in the case - research this, research that, take notes on this, get these statements, bladdy blah. All just to busy my mind and to make the clock speed along until he came home, and hopefully, when things would go back to normal. 

Before I knew it, it was getting late and I was still home all alone. A warm bath didn’t calm my nerves and it only made me wish that he was sitting across from me under the suds, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t lying in the bed waiting for me when I got out, skin all shriveled like prunes, no matter how badly I wished he’d be home after my long bath. He hadn’t walked in the door after I read a chapter from my book, spoke on the phone with my dad, or wrote in my journal. I at last flicked off the bedside lamp and tried to fall asleep in a cold bed, once again.

I woke with a start to a loud slam! downstairs on the main level of the house, presumably a door. Failing to ignore it, I turn over and tug the covers higher, unable to tune out the sound of his loud footsteps climbing the stairs. Sinking lower into the messy covers, I keep my eyes shut and listen to his sloppy movements before they arrive him in the bed next to me with a huff. Words sit in my throat, itching to be said, but I only let one of them out. 

“Harry?”

+

It had become old, very swiftly and very quickly. For the next few nights, I sat alone at home, wondering and waiting for texts that never came, only to fall into a fitful sleep in a cold bed, all alone. I’d awake the next morning to the sound of him emptying his stomach into the toilet, and either leaving for work without me, or being a monumental crab-ass on the drive there. As the days carried on, I couldn’t remember for the life of me the last time his coffees weren’t Irish. I ignored it, and after a few days of doing that, I knew that that’s where my mistakes had begun. 

The door slowly creaked open and dragged in was him, glossy eyed and surprise etched on his features. 

���What d’ya want, mum? Gonna chew me out fer stayin’ out past me bedtime?” he jokes at me, closing the bedroom door behind him as he waltzes in wearing a disheveled version of today’s suit. 

“What’s going on with you?” I ask, twisting the rings around on my fingers, lingering on a new one that had appeared on my hand last week. Sometimes, it hurt to remember that it was there, but I could never get myself to take it off.  

“Oh, here we go,” he sighs, slamming closed a drawer to his wardrobe. Avoiding my eyes, he unclasps his belt and lets his trousers fall to the floor. “Nuthin’s goin’ on with me, I dunno why ya think sumthin’ ‘s.” 

“Yes, there is, Harry. You’ve been out late drinking every night this week, and I’m sick of it!” I confess quietly, unsure of where to find the fervor in my voice, or well, the volume. An ironic laugh curves at his lips as he undoes the buttons of his crimson red shirt. 

“I don’t rememba askin’ how ya felt ‘bout it, or needin’ yer permission eitha,” he retorts, achieving malice and cruel intent in a matter of seconds. It’s all too much when he meets my eyes with his unforgiving stare, and I have to look away. 

“Why are you acting like this?” I say, the incoming tears already decorating my words. His heavy sigh only makes my throat burn worse with its impending dryness. 

“What, are ya gonna fookin’ cry now? Bloody hell, ya can be a brat when ya wanna be,” he slurs, slinking off his button down that hits the floor silently. Sniffling, I look up and watch him slide on pajama bottoms to cover his dark black briefs. 

His tattoos grab at my attention from across the room, but I don’t want to fall asleep tracing them like I would any other night, because that’s not him standing across from me. It may have taken me a few days too long to realize this, but it’s not. That’s not my Harry. No, it’s the Harry that I first met that September day when he barked his Starbucks order at me. 

“It’s the case, isn’t it? It’s taking too much of a toll on you, Harry. You should give it up, or hand it off to somebody else. I don’t like this you, you’re drinking too much and-.” 

“Did I ask fer yer opinion? Y’know what? No, I don’t rememba that. Now, my bloody god, would ya leave it be so I can get some sleep?” he interrupts in a retort, heavy feet padding around to the other side of the bed with a wobbliness to them. He rips back the covers and sits down, grabbing his charger to plug his phone in. Swiping at my cheeks, I grab my pillow and anxiously begin my trek to the door. “Goin’ t’ sleep on tha sofa, are ya now? Good, maybe you’ll stop naggin’ on me then.” 

His voice that usually would lull me to sleep and drive the demons away instead keeps me away, guiding me down the steps until I stop on the last one. My butt burns when it falls onto the wooden step and I bury my face in my knees, my chest shaking with a new sob. 

I eventually scrounge up the might and energy to pull myself off of the staircase and across the room until I collapse onto the sofa, and cry myself into an uneasy sleep. 

The smell of eggs and toast wakes me the next morning, but the illusion is broken when I hear the slam of the door to the garage, and the hum of his car pulling away.

+

The sounds of Mozart and Beethoven meander around my office, but they fail to drive away the incessant thoughts that have buried their way into my mind. They mask the signalling sound of his footsteps that I could pick out from a crowd. 

“Hey, ‘m done with me meetin’ now. Ya wanna come t’ mine and we can finish up the openin’ statement?” he says, but as much as my heart reaches out for him, I can’t do it after the other night. Sure, casual conversation had happened since then, but he had also been missing in action for almost the entire weekend recently. A nice dinner together last night wasn’t enough to wash away the hurt from that night, and all of the others. “Becks?” Harry repeats, taking a step into my office. The door closes with a squeak that I’ve been meaning to ask him to get fixed, but something as simple as that hadn’t seemed possible in the last week, and neither had a kiss or a hug. Not even on our official ten month anniversary that came and went uncelebrated yesterday, despite his urging last week that we should do something to celebrate it. 

“No thanks, I’m fine in here,” I say softly, feeling the eggshells underneath my feet as the words make their way out. 

“Uh, okay,” he answers. “‘ll grab you fer lunch with me mum in an hour then. She picked Henry’s down tha street fer pizza. We haven’t been there in a while,” he finishes, and I wonder how he can manage such small talk after the things he had said to me. I ask and come up empty when I question how I could even let him. 

+

“And again, why are you hiding out in my office?” 

“I’m not hiding out in your office,” I insist, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear before resuming my typing. 

“Uh, yeah you are. You have your own office, don’t you remember?”

“What, I can’t hang out with my friend and work together?” I say, lifting my eyes to meet Asher’s sky blue pair that squint at me in question. He shakes his head with his lips parted, ready to say something, but he just sighs without an answer. 

“What tha hell?” somebody shouts, the blinds on Asher’s door swinging and swaying after the initial shock of its opening. I see Ash’s look before the intruder’s, but I’m afraid that I already know what it will be. 

“Harry-,” I begin, standing to my feet and pushing my laptop to the side, unsure of how I didn’t see this coming. 

“I was waitin’ fer you fer half an hour at tha restaurant, and so was me mum. You stood us up and wouldn’t answer yer fookin’ phone!” he explodes, taking another step inside Asher’s office. Asher begins to say something to him, but I get lucky and push Harry out of the room before he can get a chance to respond. “And you’d been sittin’ in there tha whole fookin’ time?” he continues, his words soon sounding different when I push him into the lift. 

“Now, you know how it feels.” 

“Know how what feels?” he bites back, prying my hand from his arm and taking a step back. I press a button at random and try to push down the hurt I felt when he picked my hand off of him. 

“To be waiting around for you, and to be stood up by you. You’ve been doing it to me for the last week, so it’s only right that you feel a little bit of my pain,” I say curtly, swinging around to face him, watching the smug grin plaster itself to his face as he wipes at his mouth. 

“So, this ‘s ‘bout you, ‘s it? God, what’s fookin’ new?” he sighs with an ironic laugh that feels gross in my ears. 

“No, it’s not about me, Harry, I-.” 

“D’ya know how that looked t’ me mum? I couldn’t get you on tha phone and ya never showed up. Ya made it look like we’re havin’ problems, Becks,” he says, stepping into my sentence, and this only gets me going further. 

“Who’s to say we aren’t, Harry?!” 

“‘Scuse me? We aren’t havin’ problems,” he begins, denying my claim as he uses his hands to talk. “We’re fine!” 

“Yes, we are, Harry! You get drunk every night after work- wait, let me start over. You pregame with Irish coffees all day at work, and then disappear every night to the pub only to come home around midnight out of your mind drunk!” I exclaim, feeling my blood boil as he shakes his head in disagreement, but I wish I could say that I’m surprised. 

“Yer not turnin’ this ‘round on me,” he tuts, pointing a finger at me as ice coats his words. “I have a drink or two at tha pub, there’s nothin’ wrong with that.” 

“It’s not a few drinks, Harry, it’s more than that and it’s becoming a problem! You have a drinking problem!” I insist, wishing I knew the magic key for how to get my words across to him, but they falter and run off on me. 

“I don’t have a drinkin’ problem, Becks, and ‘m gettin’ real fookin’ sick o’ you always monitorin’ me like ‘m a bloody baby! ‘m not, ‘m a grown ass adult, and if ya forgot, ‘m yer bleedin’ boss ‘round here. ‘m not likin’ tha attitude yer havin’ with me and if ya continue it, ‘ll take ya off the Gellar case.” 

“Fine, take me off it. I don’t give one fuck, Harry, because it’s hell working with you on that case. You’re almost drunk all day at work, you give me the shitty jobs to do, and now, here’s a perfect example of you taking your shit out on me!” I argue back, but the fire soon disappears in my words, and with my next ones, I watch it extinguish on his face. “Why are you treating me like this? I-I’m concerned for you and I’m trying to help, and you’re being so mean to me. It’s inexcusable . . I want my Harry back . . I wish you’d never taken this high profile case, because it’s destroying you, and I’m scared that it’ll do the same to us.” 

A flash of my Harry appears on his face, but I don’t wait to watch it disappear, walking off the lift and back onto Seventeen and away from him.

+

My feet seem to have a mind of their own the next day, inching one way and then itching to go in another. I ignore them and remain in my office for another day of sulking, trying to apply myself to this new case with Rose, but it’s a swing and a miss. The buzzing of my phone is something I’ve learned to ignore, but when I see that it’s my dad or Skye, both of whom I’ve neglected to tell about Harry and I, it becomes all the harder. 

That thought is dislodged by the knock at my door, a simple gesture that as of late can send my stomach into somersaults, wondering who it is. I’m reminded too quickly of the times when I sat at that shitty desk in the corner, and how I feel far too much like that person right now. The girl who was unappreciated and who was treated like shit by her boss. 

“Hey. I thought today’s meeting was cancelled, something about Myles being out and the drunk that I regrettably call my boyfriend is well, drunk again,” I say, hoping the man of the hour isn’t passing behind Rose right this second to hear my speech. 

“No, um, it’s still off. I uh . . “

“Spit it out already. What’s wrong?” I ask, screwing open my water bottle and slowly pouring a small stream of water into the succulent on the corner of my desk. Harry’s plant, the very one he’d named Frankie all that time ago. For what reason, I don’t remember. “I don’t know what that look is for, it’s not like my life could get any worse right now . . or can it?”

“It can,” she says, breaking the ice, but I’m not sure if she’s doing it slowly or ripping off the bandaid in one pull. “Harry’s telling people that you quit the case because you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle it.” 

“God, I really am going to kick the shit out of him one of these times,” I groan, setting down the steel water bottle loudly and haphazardly screwing the cap on. 

“Becky, don’t,” she warns me, stepping forward and trying to block my path to the door, but she hasn’t even made a dent. “Starting another row with him isn’t going to help anything. I just saw him and he’s practically asleep at his desk, he’s drunk so much.” 

“I don’t bloody care, I’m not going to let him spread rumors about me, his own fucking girlfriend,” I retort, taking the last step until she’s practically shoving at my shoulders. Huffing, I meet her eyes and for an instant, I feel bad for her and what she’s had to watch. “Rose, don’t. Please. I need to speak to him. I’m sick of his immature teenager act, he’s being a right asshole, and he deserves to be told it.” 

“Fine,” she sighs softly, hands dropping before she steps to the side. 

My feet pound around the corner and down the hall, taking only a few moments until I arrive at his door. I savor the way he jumps in his chair when I slam his door shut, only to sink back into the expanse of pricey leather. 

“What d’ya want? ‘m tryin’ t’ sleep here, haven’t ya noticed?” Harry drawls, sleepily. His eyes flutter closed again and he swallows before trying to get comfortable in his chair again. 

“Well, maybe if you came home at a half decent time each night you wouldn’t be falling asleep at work, but I guess you just can’t put down the bottle, Harry. By the looks of it, you can’t at work, either,” I say, curling my lip when I see the empty bottle of vanilla whiskey sat open on his desk. God, he really is going to get his ass fired or demoted one of these times, not to mention start a smear campaign for the firm. 

“This shit again? I don’t wanna fookin’ hear it, Becks. Give it a rest, ‘m a grown adult, I can do what I please.” 

“So talking shit about me to your coworkers is doing as you please, is it now?” I say, coming out and dealing it, right then and there. Something in him stills and his eyes slowly open and try to focus on me. I think I see apology and regret in them, but I whip off any rose colored glasses I still had on and chuck them to the side. “I’m your girlfriend, Harry . . What the fuck is wrong with you?” I exhale, feeling the first tear when I blink and turn away from him. I try to ignore the pang I feel in my chest when I don’t hear my favorite voice calling my nickname from behind me, but I guess it’s time that he stopped chasing after me. It seems to be coming to an end . . I just wish I’d known when the beginning was. 

After a quiet cry and a few YouTube videos, I meander my way to the break room for my lunch, bumping shoulders with somebody when I walk in the door. Automatic ‘sorrys’ leave our lips as I continue my mission to the fridge where my leftovers sit. Leftovers from another lonely dinner without Harry last night. 

“You alright, Becky?”

“What?” I ask in surprise, at last looking up to find the culprit of the question. “Oh, Myles, hi. I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look it. Harry doesn’t either lately, there isn’t a theme, is there?” he almost jokes, but I don’t laugh as I press random numbers on the microwave. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m alright, thanks. No offense, but you’re kind of the biased best friend. Trust me, I know. I have one of them too.” 

“Well, trust me, ‘cause I’m not,” he insists, and when I look around, pretending to take a gander, my eyes drift to the door habitually. “Here, maybe this’ll help.” 

I watch him cross the room to stick a key into the door and the lock flicks with a metallic sound. 

“What will people do without their tea and lunch? You may as well be starting a mutiny,” I say, trying to lighten the atmosphere around us, but I find it’s no use when he stops at my side with a grim expression. 

“I haven’t seen him drink this much, since well . . you left.” 

“Huh,” I hum, less of a question and more of a realization, one I hadn’t wanted to make. “He’s sure doing a good job of working towards that again . . I hear he’s been saying things about me.” 

“Swear I haven’t heard a thing, and if I did, I wouldn’t believe a word that comes from his drunk ass lately.” 

“It seems you’re the only one,” I laugh almost ironically, but it comes out sounding sad as can be. Hoping and praying, I try to hide the sniffle as the microwave door opens with a pop! 

“Sure I’m not.” 

“Rose told me he’s telling people I left the Gellar case because I was scared, when in truth, he kicked me off it because I’ve been on his ass about staying out late every night drinking,” I risk, staring down at the steaming container of food, forgetting the spoon set to the side to stir it at the halfway mark. “He’s my boyfriend, and my best friend. He’s supposed to protect me from the people who want to hurt me, not become one of them,” I reveal, each word becoming heavier with tears that try to swallow my voice. “Why is he doing this, Myles? This isn’t the Harry I know . . it’s that one I first met.” 

“Oh, Becky,” he sighs, stepping forward and pulling me into a hug. “I don’t know. I wish I could tell you why, I’ve wondered meself . . He’s got issues, even he knows it, but . . he has a hard time of dealing with ‘em. He ignores ‘em instead, with whiskey. You shouldn’t take it like this, it’s not fair to you.” 

“I try. I’ve tried talking to him and being nice about it, but he doesn’t listen to me. He won’t stop drinking and it scares me, how he acts and the things he says,” I confess in a blubbery voice against his suit jacket. “I never thought I’d have to do this and I hate that I have to . . but I don’t want him to be my mentor anymore, Myles, please. Maybe Rose, instead. Can you do it without him finding out and getting even more mad at me?”

“Yeah, I can sneak it past him, don’t worry.” 

“I wish I could,” I nearly whisper, pulling away and grabbing the hot container whilst I swipe at my wet cheeks, ignoring the burning heat against my skin, knowing that that’s the mildest pain I’ve felt in days.

+

A few days later, I’m greeted by darkness and silence after the key clicks in the lock, and my footstep is the first sound in the house. 

“You’re sure you want to do this?” the words echo inside of my skull, but I can’t find the confidence I had when I had first heard them, when I need it so badly right now. “I’ll support whatever decision you make, Ree, and you know you always have a place to stay here.” 

“Thanks, Skye,” I had said then, and I mutter now too as I stop in front of our bedroom door. The quiet embeds itself into every nook and cranny, but I welcome it and only wish that it could replicate itself in my mind. 

The pounding of my heart grows louder when I push the door open, and the beginning tears don’t mask it when I drop the suitcase onto the bed. The sounds only worsen as I open drawers and take items out to fill the zippers, leaving an emptiness behind that couldn’t compare to that I hold inside of me. 

My head moves every which way, trying to memorize the sights around me, but all I see and all I hear are the rows we’d had the last few nights here. In the kitchen after he tried to sneak inside reeking of whiskey, or the night before in the living room when he came home shouting at me about why I didn’t finish the opening statement, despite being dropped from his case. Then another over him growing mad with me for not answering my phone, deciding if he wasn’t going to answer my texts and calls, then why should I bother to answer his. 

I feel the grooves and the raised edges, sure I’d at least memorized those as I pull it from my pocket, watching the color blur before my eyes. My thumb slides across the medal wet from my uncontrollable tears, and at last, I place it on the island counter with a small clack!, finally letting go. 

“What’re ya doin’?” a voice says softly out of nowhere. Spinning around, I blink back the tears until Harry focuses in front of me. His thick eyebrows furrow above his murky greens, and only then do I see his boots kicked off by the doorway that had gone unnoticed by me, and his coat draped over the staircase newel. 

“H-Harry,” I stutter, swallowing against a dry throat that deprives me of any explanations I could muster. 

“Becks, what’re ya doin’? It looks like . . . ,” he trails off to look at the item, his words escaping him until they shine brightly in his eyes, and wrench at my heart. “Looks like yer movin’ out, and without even tellin’ me. What, was I supposed t’ come home t’night t’ find yer key on tha counter, and piece it all t’getha meself? And tha night befo’ I leave fer me case? How in tha hell ‘s that any fair, Becks?” 

“Harry, I- please-.” 

“No, why should I let ya explain? It doesn’t seem ya were gonna bother t’ leave me a note or even break it t’ me,” he continues quietly with astonishment wild on his face, and in his voice that smells rough and hard with alcohol. 

“Harry, I was just going to stay at Skye’s tonight and while you were away. I-.” 

“Then why leave tha key, huh?” he asks, voice growing firm and so does the green in his eyes. “God, ‘m so sick o’ arguin’ with you, seems that’s all we do lately. ‘m jus’, ‘m done, Becks. I really am.” 

“Harry, no. Please, don’t say that. You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying,” I say hurriedly, stepping forward and dropping the bag. It hits the floor with a bang! just as he turns away while dragging a hand down his face. 

“I know what ‘m sayin’, Becks, and I know ‘m done dealin’ with all o’ this shit. Fer havin’ such an ungrateful girlfriend who nit picks ev’ry li’l thing I do, ‘cuz ‘s jus’ never good enough fer her.” 

“Harry, that’s not true,” I sob, following him with my steps that feel more heavier as I continue, but he seems to be moving further and further away from me. 

“It ‘s tho’, y’know it ‘s. ‘m . . . ‘m doin’ it fer you, ‘kay? ‘m doin’ what ya can’t do, ‘m callin’ it. We’re done, we’re breakin’ up. We both knew it was comin’,” he mutters, and I no longer can make out the sounds in his voice or what it holds, because I can barely see him through the waterfall of tears. 

“Please, Harry, I don’t want to break up. I’m sorry.” 

“Sometimes sorry doesn’t cut it, isn’t that whatch’u say t’ me?” he retorts, at last stopping to face me fully. The splashes of black and brown covering his body turn ashier and darker the longer I look, but it doesn’t compare to the look on his face. 

“But I love you . . and I know that you love me too.” His eyes run away from me and finally, so do his words. “Harry, say it back, please. We can just pretend this didn’t happen, and go to bed together. We can sleep it off and talk about it in the morning before your flight,” I cry, watching his face devoid of emotion show me nothing when I can’t stop showing him. When I could never learn how to close myself off to him, he finally learned how to close his book to me so I could stop reading him. 

He stares at the floor, his only movements are his eyes blinking and his hand scratching at the back of his head. The seemingly permanent glossiness to his eyes wavers and tears appear in them, but something pulls me backwards and away from him. I take the steps and wish that they could rewind time too, but they only bring me to the case that I place in my hand without deciding to. I look up and walk over to him, unsure of when my legs had begun to move, or if my body was doing all of this for me, because it figured out that I can’t. I just, I can’t. 

“Go, Becks, ‘kay? ‘ve made me mind up, we’re over. Leave befo’ tha snowstorm gets too bad,” Harry announces in an absent, choked voice, his hand falling from his head as my chest shakes with sob after sob. His eyes budge up a little but they avoid mine entirely, and so does he as he walks around me and up the stairs. 

I don’t remember deciding to walk out the front door, or getting into my car, but I’m there when I curl inward on myself as tears cascade down my face. I’m fully there as the stitches that he put in my heart are ripped open and all of the memories that he filled my heart with spill out, stinging one by one. I’m there as I watch the lights in the house turn off and the one for our bedroom turns on, and I immediately correct myself, knowing that it’s not ours anymore. I sit there until I can muster the energy to drive, telling myself that he’s not mine anymore, and I was a right idiot for ever telling myself that he was.

+

The sheets are cold when the blaring of the alarm awakens me, and I turn over, inching a foot across the mattress in search. It’s met with only coldness and I slowly peel my eyes open, searching with them now, for her. Sitting up, I rub a knuckle into my bleary eyes, trying to focus my sight on the emptiness on the other side of the bed. 

Questions fill me and answers fleet me as I pad down the stairs and past the front door, arriving in the kitchen. Turning a light on, I squint at the sudden brightness that sends throbs through my head. It’s accompanied by another throb when I spot the lone purple key sitting on the marbled countertop, away from the half burned candle and the cribbage board with a deck of cards atop it. 

I’m not sure how I got there, but I feel the cold of the wood floor all around me next, accompanied by the hot tears flowing down my cheeks. The answers come fast and painful in my insides, and opening my eyes, I watch last night replay before me, and what I did. What I did to her, and to us. Myles’ words over the last few weeks resound in my head, and they won’t stop. 

“The fuck are you doing? You’re going to screw everything up if you don’t stop before it’s too late!” 

“It is too late,” I mutter under my breath, feeling the cool wooden floor beneath my forehead as I curl inside myself, wishing she could come and save me. But that’s the last thing that’s going to walk in that door, because I made it so she has to save herself, and so do I.

+

Violins and harps dance around my empty office, and I try not to look up and lose myself in the images of memories that seem to stick to every corner of the room. Him opening birthday presents on the sofa, the makeout sessions on the same piece of furniture, the almost first kiss by my window, the first time I saw my office with him in tow, and all of the times he’d work over my shoulder planting kisses along my neck. So many more of them float around the space vying for my attention, but it’s stolen away when there’s a rap on my door. 

“Come in,” I say automatically, looking back at my computer screen, putting back on the mask that I’ve donned for however long it’s been now since it all started, and the three days since he left. The ‘I’m okay’ mask, something I can’t even believe. 

“Look at my pretty girl,” they say, and despite the way I could never mistake that very voice, for a split second I want to and wish that I could be right in my mistaking. It takes more than I have to look away and up at him, and the tears are already close and on their way when he smiles the saddest kind of one at me. 

“Dad, what are you doing here?” I ask in near alarm, standing to my feet, afraid of what his answer might be. His lips fall flat and my confirmation is right there, although I’m unsure if I ever needed it, because he speaks for it himself. 

“Skye told me what happened with Harry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he almost coos, and holds out his arms before I could ask. They’re open for mere seconds before they close around me and my shaking figure. “It’s okay, Boops, I’m here. It’s all going to be okay.” 

“No, it’s not. I don’t know if there will ever be a time again that I feel okay,” I sob into his shoulder, gradually finding my words and feeling the sting of having to repeat it for the second or third time. The sting grows worse remembering the morning after crying on Skye’s lap and not knowing if I’d ever be able to stop. No matter what time it is, it never gets easier. I don’t think if I’d had any warning, it would’ve been any less harder.

+

The raucous of laughter, shouts, and praises sound outside the door and I wish I knew why. Shaking my head at the obscene volume, I flip to the next page of the magazine, finding DIY Christmas decorations that according to this magazine, everybody and anybody can make. 

“No, thank you,” I mutter to myself, completely vetoing Christmas this year, despite knowing that I’ll have to make it to Madley for the traditional weekend spent at my dad’s in only a few weeks. I just don’t know how I’m going to manage it knowing the person I can’t take with me anymore whose name will be on presents sitting under the tree. The same name claims gifts that I’d hidden in the attic at ho- at his home, long forgotten by now, or I wish. 

“Hell, you really do get prettier ev’ry day,” somebody mumbles from behind me, and I pause mid page flip. I’m glad that I wasn’t holding my tea, or else I know it’d be painted all over the front of my heather gray dress. Now, that would be a disaster, but I know it doesn’t compare to the one that intends to unfold within the next few moments. Swallowing hard, I silently turn to the next page and ignore the greeting. 

“Ya weren’t at me welcome home party that the firm threw fer me.” 

“There wasn’t enough room,” is all I say, neglecting to mention that I had no idea until now, despite should’ve knowing how the pieces went together. His appearance. The loud voices and cheering just outside the door that’s only a few steps from the lift. It’s my saving grace for how I was rarely ever late back in the day. “You won it,” I remark, sure it’s less of a question and more of a statement. 

“I did.” 

“Congrats, you put on a good defense from what I hear,” I announce in a voice devoid of the emotion that usually accompanies that word. 

“Thanks . . but I don’t deserve it,” he begins shyly, and I hold back my response that only eggs his self-deprecation on. “I dunno how I did it tho,’ ‘cuz all I could think ‘bout tha whole I was there was you. Ev’ry second fer that entire week it was, ‘what ‘s Becks doin’?,’ ‘what’ll I say t’ her when I get home,’ ‘what can I say t’ her,’ ‘I dunno what t’ do at this part, what would she do?’” he pours out, and I gulp past the impending desert that’s signalled its return. No, I’d made it a few days now without them, I can’t break that streak now. No, not now. Please. 

“It seems you didn’t need it, you did just fine without me,” I answer bleakly, aware of the knives that my voice holds and how they stab with the voice devoid of anything happy and bright. 

“That’s not true,” he argues, and I hear the first step, and feel it in the hairs rising on the back of my neck. I feel it in the squeeze of my heart and the goosebumps on my arms that long for his touch and also fear it. I hear the crack in his voice and the wet sniffle that plays in the empty room. “I couldn’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you and how I fooked ev’rythin’ up, even befo’ I left. I woke up that mornin’ and knew ‘d done it . . ‘d jus’ been home befo’ here and all o’ yer things were gone, and I never thought comin’ home could be so fookin’ hard . . I-I tried so many times t’ get ahold o’ you but ya wouldn’t answer, and I can’t blame ya. I can’t believe how I treated you, Becks, and ‘m so fookin’ sorry . . . I haven’t touched a bleedin’ drop since that last night, and I never want t’ ‘gain. I never want t’ go that long without talkin’ t’ you ‘gain, it felt like I was losin’ me mind ev’ry fookin’ day missin’ you so badly. Meant it when I said ‘m not sure how I won tha case when I couldn’t get you off me mind.”

“Get used to it,” I retort, closing the magazine swiftly and spinning around. Flashes of color greet me, but I turn away from his figure and make for the door. 

“Becks, please, don’t,” he begs in a voice spilling with emotion. “‘m sorry, ‘m so sorry,” he whimpers, the warmth of his fingers pressed to mine feeling like the first rays of sun in the spring. Ripping my hand from his, I don’t let him try to melt the ice that he planted inside of me. 

“No, Harry, you don’t get to just waltz in here and sorry your way out of this. It’s not that easy this time,” I say, hoping he feels the bite of my words, but I see it when I take the leap and look into those endless greens. “You really fucking hurt me, Harry . . You were my best friend and you hurt me more than anybody I know . . You were supposed to protect me from others doing that to me, but you did it too. How can I ever trust you again?” I begin to cry, knowing that it’s about to be Niagra in here if I don’t skedaddle. Whimpering, I dash out of the door with the image of his flooded sage eyes stinging in my own, and how my heart lurches at the regret of not wiping them away.

+

His eyes drift repeatedly from the floor to ceiling window and back to his wrist, tapping at it only to walk away with disappointment. He may have closed his book to me, but I still remember so many of the pages, and I can’t figure out how I could ever stop knowing what they say. After Myles finishes speaking about the upcoming elder’s meetings, his bottom lip becomes caught between his teeth like a vice, and then I know it’s bad. I look away when a few too many seconds have followed, risking that he’ll catch my stare. If he’s found it in the recent few days since we last spoke in between tears and in between pages of a magazine, he hasn’t made it known. 

I feared this team meeting, the first one with him back and sitting at the helm with Myles. He looks fresher and no longer sporting the alcohol sweats and beard, but something is still missing. He’d gotten his hair cut and it’s hardly any different, but it’s not that. His suits are perhaps a little more wrinkled, but that’s not the last puzzle piece, either. I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to say it. No, not after I saw the way he smiled at his new intern, Frankie, she called herself. Francine something or other, it is. Beats me. I’m sure she probably had a name for each of her boobs as well, seeing as how they could probably be seen from space. I watched her admire him too, but I doubted she saw the circles under his eyes, or the way his lips looked like they’d never smile again. I was almost positive she couldn’t see the way his suits hung a little looser on him, or how he rubbed the naked skin of his left hand’s middle finger, missing something. 

I wondered whether or not to linger once everybody was dismissed, but even if I had wanted to, how could I? She followed him like a puppy. I hope I had never done that, or that somebody would have put me out of my impending doom- I mean misery, if I had been. He walked out of sight, and somehow, all I could think about is how the back of his head is still just as cute, and so is his bum. 

Several coffee refills and trips to the loo commenced until I found myself pulled to his doorway, pretending to be walking to Gwen or Rory’s office. God forbid, I ever give that asshole the time of day, I’d never hear the end of it. For the first time, Ms. Boobs is missing in action, and I never thought I could be more grateful for somebody’s absence. Last week only seemed to argue with that, now that I think of it, and how something inside of me warmed every time I saw him in the hallways. It sparks until a fire ignites when I catch sight of his backside facing me until it turns around, and at last, I’m caught. 

Defeat covers his features and the surprise inches away, leading him to look down at his messy desk. “Hi,” I say, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my slacks, still wishing they made fleece lined ones. 

“Hey,” he returns in a squeak that shrinks in comparison to his beautiful voice. 

“It’s today, isn’t it? Your gran’s surgery . . the hip?” I ask, taking one step forward, and then it’s two. 

“Ya,” he hums in reply, sorting through what appears to be an overflowing stack of mail that’s been forgotten since his trip. 

“How’d it go?”

“She’s still in. I keep waitin’ t’ hear sumthin’ but there’s nuthin’,” he answers plainly, tearing certain envelopes in half and others automatically go into the bin for shredding. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sure everything will be okay, she’s really healthy and strong, Harry.” 

“I dunno, Becks, ‘m so worried. It shouldn’t take this long,” he sighs, bringing a hand to his face while his head goes back and forth. It’s only a moment until I hear the hiccuping of his breath and the sound of tears shed against skin. 

Against better judgement, or any for that matter, he’s in my arms in seconds. My hands are running courses up and down his back, even daring a go at his hair now and then, whilst he sheds sadness into my neck. 

“Everything will be okay, Harry,” I insist, and which he only shakes his head at. “It will be, you just have to believe it. I have a feeling.” 

“How can ya say that? How ‘m I s’posed t’ believe that, Becks?” he whimpers, pulling away and staring at me bleary eyed with tears coating his cheeks. “I dunno that there’ll ever be a time ‘gain where things are okay,” he finishes, spinning on his heel and escaping down the hallway, leaving me high and dry. I only wish that my eyes could claim that truth, as well, but that’d be a lie.

+

It smelled of metal and disinfectant around me, but I tried to drown it out with the images I scroll through. The electronic beeping wormed its way into my thoughts, but I welcomed the respite from the chaos toiling around in there. Images of friends and casual strangers litter my Instagram feed and instead of looking away when the dinging stops, I continue to look, distracting myself. That in itself seems to be my job for the last few weeks, owned by the number one job of not thinking about it. It’s followed by another important task of not crying in public, and saving it for at home despite the place owning that name changing recently. I’ve failed at all of those jobs the second I think about the person who I called my home for so long now, and can’t any longer. 

The smell is what gets me at first, and immediately, the pictures are forgotten. I know before I look up that the facade is broken. Then, everything is shattered within a few moments, no matter how good I’ve gotten at ignoring him, or pushing down the feelings when I see him across the table at a team meeting. I’ve gotten good at the pretending part, but the only person I’ve never been able to do that around is the very one who accompanies me on the elevator now. My bad luck echoes when I finally chance a glance and I leave it for too long, because then he looks up and meets my eyes. 

Harry. My home . . but he’s not that any longer. 

“Hi,” he risks with a gentle curve of his lips, and a gentleness in his eyes that he once held in his hands for me too. A softness that never left him once I worked my way into his heart all of those years ago, it’s one that I still can’t allow myself to get rid of. 

“Hi,” I return curtly, tearing my eyes away from him, and his new suit. An ensemble a shade of mauve with a raven black button up underneath. Spiffy, indeed. It feels like a mini marathon to look away from that suit, and how it hugs him in all of the right places. The biceps, the chest, opens at his widely attractive throat, reminds me of the base that we never hit when my eyes venture too low, and his bum. No, I can’t see it from my view right now, but I’d made sure to have seen it earlier today. 

“‘s good timin’, I was wonderin’ if we could talk,” he ventures out on a limb to say, and my eyes are rolling before he gets to finish. 

“I don’t want to talk, Harry.” 

“Becks, please, jus’ lemme finish, bug,” he says, and I wonder how he can be so gutsy to use those two coveted names in one sentence. Despite his bravery, the gesture does its job, and I gulp against the longing that climbs up my throat. 

“No, you don’t get to. You haven’t earned that just yet.”

“What d’I have t’ do, Becks?” Harry questions in a sigh, a hand dragging through his hair. It falls with an impatient slap to his thigh. 

“I dunno, Harry, maybe you shouldn’t have become a neglectful drunk in the first place,” I retort, stepping forward to stab the button of the closest floor, so I don’t have to do this. 

“How many times d’I hafta say ‘m sorry? I could say it a hundred times and ‘s not gonna be enough, ‘s it?”

“No, it won’t,” I answer, continually hitting the button. 

“Stop pushin’ it, yer gonna break it or sumthin,’” he warns, and just like he said, the contraption lurches to a stop. “Now, look what ya did.” 

“I didn’t break the bloody elevator, Harry.” 

“Sure, ya didn’t,” he sighs and even in the near dark, I know that he’s biting at his lip beside me. 

Huffing, I step back until my back hits the wall, watching him in the soft glow of the emergency lights. Slowly, that night from Halloween comes back to me. I watch how he pulls his phone out and dials a number and talks to some invisible person, just like the time before. His fingers card through his hair similarly, and his lips utter sighs and curses like then too. 

“‘s tha snowstorm, ‘s shut off tha power in tha entire firm,” he announces after saying goodbye and pulling his phone away from his ear. “They’ll get t’ us but it might be a while.” 

“Doesn’t the firm or at least the elevator have a backup or something?”

“I dunno, ‘m tha lawyer, Becks, not a bloody mechanic. I don’t deal with that shit,” he mutters with a shake of his head, typing away on his phone. 

Groaning loudly, I slide down the sleek metal wall of the elevator until my bum meets the cold and dirty floor, just like before. 

“I guess we’re stuck with each other for a while then, it’s your dream come true,” I mumble while folding my arms across my chest. He flits his eyes over to me only to roll them before looking away. “Oh, so you don’t want to talk to me now?”

“No, ‘d rather not, if yer not gonna try and listen t’ me,” he admits sadly, stepping back and leaning against the wall. A similar sound leaves my lips and I look down at my lap until my eyes habitually return to him. I finally let myself look at him for the first time in, what, a month? It seems like a lifetime ago that I could at last look at him for however long I wanted without it being weird or him saying something. Without my hidden feelings being betrayed. “There’s mo’ t’ do than jus’ stare at me, y’know.” 

“Sorry,” I whisper, looking to my lap and turning a ring around my finger absentmindedly. 

“Ya still wear it?” 

My eyes dance to him without a decision to do so, like they so often did, and my nod is immediate as well. His smile seems rather instantaneous too, appearing before my eyes as I watch him. His ring on my hand had caught my eye, one of his I’d stolen at the before everything went to shit and slid it on my thumb. It’s the only finger it’d fit on, and I’d almost forgotten it was there, but it’d become a nervous habit of mine as of recent, although hypocritical in the slightest. 

“I thought you’d taken it off, hadn’t seen ya wear it.” 

“It felt too weird not wearing it,” I reveal softly, embarrassment fighting for a spot in my voice, but I’m not sure if that’s how it could be described. 

“I guess that says sumtin’, or ‘least I hope it does,” Harry says, looking to his feet with a sad laugh that’s short, like a staccato. This all feels like one, a standalone chapter. Perhaps an episode from The Twilight Zone, almost. 

“You were my best friend, Harry, that’s not something you just forget,” I say quietly, unsure of if he hears me, but his nod tells me so. If that hadn’t, the emotion that swells in his face does it for me. 

“Then why did you?” he asks, meeting my eyes and I find the pain in my heart matched in the greens. A shade I’ve missed so immensely, and that grows hazy in moments. “Why’d you forget about me?”

“You really hurt me, Harry. I never thought you could hurt me so much.” 

His sniffling encourages the tears that flow from my eyes to join his just as the sound of his footsteps initiates him sitting down beside me. At first, it feels too close and too dangerous, but then I look at the gap that separates us. It’s been larger and unbreakable before, but somehow, this feels exponential too. It somehow had returned after its departure when I had pressed my lips to his, because after that, neither of us let it live again, and we always took the step that wasn’t there. 

“So, what do I say if I can’t say sorry?” he says in a voice choked with pain, propping his arms on his bent knees out of the corner of my eye, holding his wrist with a circle of fingers. 

“I dunno,” I answer tearfully, wiping below my waterline, wishing I had the answers so that all of this could stop. “I wish I knew, but I don’t. If I knew I’d tell you, because then this all could be over, and I could stop missing you so fucking much every literal second. Then I could stop getting jealous of that booby intern who won’t stop throwing herself at you. I tried not to be jealous by not caring, but I couldn’t lie to myself, because I do care and I always will, Harry. I’ll always miss you . . in bed next to me with your arms always waiting for me, your face at our table at Pedro’s on Tuesdays waiting there for me, every day after work waiting on my sofa until I’m ready to go home with you . . ,” I trail off in a sob, thoughts bubbling inside of my lips but they become too hard to speak. 

“‘m still waitin’, Becks, ‘ve never stopped since that day I first met you,” he says in a voice softer than marshmallows and sweeter than honey. “‘ll always be waitin’ fer you.” Since that first day I had met him, you never could’ve made me believe that looking into his face I’d see a mirror, but I believe it more today than I ever thought I could. Because I am, in the way the tears silently fall down his cheeks, the openness of his eyes that beg for me, and the way that mine beg for him too. 

“‘s it true ya put in yer two weeks?” Quickly, I shrink and I avoid, ignoring everything altogether, but if I’ve learned one thing through this all is that I can’t do that as badly as I wish I could. “‘m still yer boss, Becks, sumthin’ like that can’t get away from me. I saw tha letter on My’s desk one day and when he saw me readin’ it, he told me . . Becks, please don’t leave. Yer learnin’ so much and we all love you here. Yer doin’ so well, and there’s so much I want t’ teach you. Turner and Jones ‘s . . . ‘s not yer home, love, this ‘s yer home.” 

“I thought you were my home once and I was wrong,” I don’t know why I say it, but I do, and immediately I regret it. Without seeing him, I know that he wishes I hadn’t said it too, by the intake of air and the way he turns away from me. 

“Y’know, I think ‘ll get sick o’ fightin’ fer you, but I don’t. I get tired, but I don’t get sick o’ it. I never wanna stop. I wanna tell our kids one day that I never stopped fightin’ fer you, and sometimes I think it’ll happen. But, I dunno- When I saw you kiss that bloke, I stopped believin’ in it.” 

Gulping, my eyes find him immediately and the tears ricochet throughout my body from his words. The sounds of his crying prick at my ears, but I don’t see them fall down his face, just the way he plays with his lips. 

“Harry-.” 

“I love you and ‘m sorry. ‘ll never stop showin’ you that fer tha rest o’ me life, what more do I hafta do?” he begs, turning to face me. My heart squeezes inside of my chest at the mere sight, and my lips press themselves together. “But if ya- if ya tell me that . . yer happy with him, then ‘ll stop. I want yer happiness mo’ than mine,” he croaks, words stolen from him at times as mine are drowned in salt water. 

Whimpering, the sight of my hands wringing each other appears in front of me, and then his pained sigh meets my ears. Hiccups rack my chest and I stop hiding the crying, listening to it echo off of the walls that remain still around us. 

“His name’s Ben-.” 

“I know who he ‘s,” he says gingerly, but with disdain that tries to push me back, and make me stop. “‘ve argued cases against him . . both lost and won.” 

“I met him during my clinicals there, he-.” 

“I don’t wanna hear ‘bout him, Becks, I-I can’t,” Harry announces firmly, standing to his feet and beginning to walk in circles. 

“I ended things with him last week, not that there was much to end . . that same day you must have seen us kiss outside the courts . . after he shoved me to the floor that night. And he wasn’t you, nobody else could ever be you.”

“What?!” he nearly explodes, the words ringing loudly in my ears again and again as they resound off of the walls. “Oh, that bloke’s not gonna know what hit him when I get my fookin’ hands on him.” 

“Harry-.” 

“Tell me that you don’t want me t’ beat tha shit outta him, Becks,” Harry insists, but with my eyes not looking at him, I remain silent. “That’s what I thought . . Bloody minute this lift starts workin’ ‘gain, ‘m gonna make him regret ever touchin’ you.” 

Nodding, I brush the back of my hand against my nose and feel a sob overcome me. My shoulders fall and I pull my knees into my chest, soon feeling the tears soak through my slacks. 

“Aw, honeybug,” he sighs pitifully, and at last, one of my dreams comes true when I feel him surround me with his warmth. Him. “I had no idea you’ve been dealin’ with that, ‘m so fookin’ sorry, Becks. ‘m so sorry you’ve had so much shit t’ deal with, ya don’t deserve any o’ this. He’s a fookin’ sorry excuse fer a man fer doin’ that t’ you and trust me ‘m gonna make him sorry. He’s a right wanker, and he only ever won one case against me, anyways. Damn idiot, he ‘s.” 

Swallowing dryly, I meet his eyes and receive anything but that. The green is drowned in tears nearly, and I know that my blue is, too. 

“Reckon ‘m not much betta than him, afta all,” Harry confesses with a fight played in his eyes. 

“No, you’re nothing like him, Harry,” I coo, reaching out a hand to cradle his cheek, thumb swiping at tears. 

“Yer right, ‘m much worse than him fer how I treated you.” 

“What? Harry, no, you’re not. I know you’d never lay a hand on me,” I confess in a voice that cracks, breaths laden with unsaid words, and so many that I don’t know how to say. Nodding, his eyes leave mine and his arms prematurely do too, and I only feel worse. “Talk.” 

“What?” he whispers, quirking a brow at the floor. 

“Talk, Harry . . like you had wanted to . . to me,” I explain, my hand lingering on my knee, so close to his. Bravely, it finds the courage and reaches out towards him, finding the warmth soon after between his fingers. 

“‘ve rehearsed it so many bloody times in me head, but now, I actually get t’ talk t’ you and I can’t rememba,” he admits softly with shame painting his voice, and an out of place smile. “All I know . .  ‘s that I miss you and it scares me how much I can miss you sittin’ at a meetin’ with you across tha table. I miss you like you’ve gone . . but inna way, you have. I miss you in so many ways, walkin’ in tha door at home t’ you, findin’ you’d claimed me sofa again fer anotha day workin’ t’getha, or even that you’d be usin’ one o’ me favourite coffee mugs or jumpers. I miss those small things, and then, I even miss wakin’ up next t’ you, talkin’ t’ you ‘bout songs, ‘bout art, or gettin’ yer advice on a recipe or an argument inna case. ‘d missed you like mad befo’, but nuthin’ compares t’ this. Didn’t know I could miss somebody so much that ‘m always sore from it, that I ache when I see you and can’t touch you or talk t’ you. I lost it when I saw him kiss you, I went and vomited in tha car park befo’ goin’ home t’ cry in bed. Our bed. I wanted a drink and thought ‘bout it . . I even had one and I felt worse, knowin’ that it only made it mo’ likely ‘d never get ya back then. Thought seein’ that I.T. intern flirt with you in tha copier room hurt, but god, that was nuthin.’” 

“You try seeing that intern who dresses like a hooker be all over you,” I tut, refamiliarizing myself with the grooves and peaks on his rings. 

“Are ya quite finished?” he almost giggles and I nod with a fleeting smile. 

“It hurt not seein’ you reject him and then ‘course My’ had t’ guilt me ‘bout it, and -.” 

“Okay, that’s enough talking,” I announce inside of my head with a shake of it, my lips parting to utter the same declaration. But I’m interrupted almost immediately, and so is Harry by the whirring and movement of the lift starting up again. 

“Looks like tha power came back on or sumthin’,” he mumbles, standing to his feet as the lights flick back on. 

“Yeah, looks like,” I say under my breath, so many more ready to be spoken but they’re whisked away when the doors part on Seventeen and soon, we’re ambushed with concerned colleagues who mistake our tears for fear. Quickly, so much was forgotten, but what hurt was how easily we both did it too.

+

The notes of cinnamon and nutmeg cling to my tongue, accompanied by the sweetness of the last traces of whipped cream. With a sigh, I set down the mug and hear its emptiness fill my ears. I continue to dance my eyes across the page, soaking up the words that I try to drown myself in. The dinging of the bell atop the door interrupts the words echoing in my mind, as do the clap of footsteps entering the cafe amongst the soft Christmas music. Without fail, they attempt to weed their way into my heart, making me think that they’re his, but everything sounds like him and feels like him as of late. 

Pushing it away, I shake my head free of the nagging thoughts and start the sentence over. At the sound of a voice that steps into my mind, the words are forgotten, and no rereading them could ever bring them back to me. 

“Since when d’ya read ol’ granny romance books?” 

Tearing my eyes away from the imaginative words, I find the pair of green eyes that I’ve been avoiding and longing within all of the same breaths. 

“I see yer mug ‘s empty. Can I buy you anotha?” he murmurs with his charming smile that finds its old way back to me, and into my heart. Just like all of those times before. 

“I uh, was actually just leaving,” I mutter, the book already having closed when my hands left it in shock. Picking it up, I drape my purse over my shoulder and walk away from him. No matter if it doesn’t take the cake for how much it hurts to do so, the pain still stings in my mind and every inch of my limbs. 

“Becks, wait!” he calls after me, the clanging of the bell loud and obnoxious in my ears. The winter cold shocks my warmed skin when I step back into it. “I wanna talk t’ you ‘bout sumthin’, yer two week-.” 

“I don’t want to,” I retort, rounding a corner and searching for the familiar sight of my car parked on the street. I’m feeling cold rather than hot in finding it before his always gentle hands settle on my shoulders. He turns me around to face him, once again finding those piercing greens that root me to the spot. 

“I thought we could still be friends, Becks. Y-Yer me best friend, I can’t lose you as a friend too, bug. Please,” he pleas, but I’m spinning around before the last of his syllables grace my ears. 

My head shakes from side to side, willing my eyes to dry up and forget their recent best friend that drowns my sights in a haze. My lips sing with pain from my teeth sinking into them as my face collapses from the debilitating weight of misery. 

“I-I can’t. We can’t, you know that, Harry.” 

“Why not, Becks?” he begs, the cool feeling of his rings welcomed by my flushed skin. 

“I shouldn’t have to tell you when you know why,” I spit back, sure that three seconds ago he had already heard the tears in my voice. The multitudes of words shared between our lips over the last ten months has only led me to open myself to him further, and I still can’t figure out how to close my book from him reading. 

“I dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout, Becks.” 

“It only took you a month, Harry?!” I exclaim, unsure of whether I’m making a statement or posing a question. 

“Care t’ clue me in what yer talkin’ ‘bout, ‘cuz I still dunno?” he replies with an exasperated sigh. I rip my wrist from his gentle grasp, the sooner the better because I knew another second longer and I’d let it live there. If I stand here another second longer, I may let myself float back to him. 

“You’re already over me and with somebody new after only a month, huh?” I respond curtly, turning around slowly to face him as the first hot tear cascades down my cheek. 

“Becks,” he sighs, the emotion carried in his voice spreading across his unshaven face. A whimper escapes my lips as the sob trembles throughout my chest, my lips returning to their permanent frown. My heart shudders at his expression and the confirmation I hear in it, making my head shake quickly from side to side. “I still dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout, love. ‘m not datin’ anyone, y’know tha only person I wanna be with ‘s you. N’body else in tha entire world I wanna date and love fer tha rest o’ me life . . Where ‘s this comin’ from, bug?” 

“Wait, what?” I exhale, blinking away the tears that I’m afraid to believe hold lies and forgotten fears. 

“‘m not with anybody new, Becks. I dunno what people are sayin’, but ‘m not. You know tha only person I wanna be with ‘s you,” he repeats with emphasis, stepping forward and pulling my hands into his. “What’s goin’ on, bug?” 

“I don’t know,” I exhale shakily, leaning into his hand that cups my cheek, wiping away the wetness coating my skin. “People at the firm were saying they overheard you talking about some girl you were gonna ask out and were trying to win over.” 

“Oh that,” he snickers, the dimples hinting at his cheeks when I dare a look. No matter how hard I’d ever try, the high pitched song that flows from his lips could never stop being my favorite, and my ears welcome it with a familiar warmth. “That was ‘bout you, bug. I was bouncin’ ideas off o’ sumbody ‘bout takin’ you onn’a date. Well, it was actually havin’ you ova t’ mine fer dinna and watchin’ FRIENDS, jus’ like tha old times. Reckon Rore misheard and his big mouth spewed it t’ ev’rybody. That fookin’ git, I swear t’ God, he’s a bloody bastard sumtimes.” 

“Yeah, it was him, now that I think of it,” I admit quietly, peering down at our joined hands and our mingling rings, just like all of the times before. 

“‘m gonna fookin’ knock him out one o’ these times, I swear t’ it. He’s been such an arse lately, and he thinks I didn’t see it, but I did see him flirtin’ with you tha otha day.” 

“It’s fine, Harry.” 

“No, ‘s not, Becks. You put yer bloody two weeks in, and yer last day ‘s t’morro’,” Harry sighs heavily, bringing my eyes back to his at last, and ever so briefly. The purple gemstone ring that I bought him as a late Valentine’s present grows blurry before my eyes, and only worsens when I see that he never took it off. My wrist feels all the more bare without the multicolored purple gemstone bracelet he gifted me after my accident, and that’s sat on my nightstand at Skye’s for weeks now. 

I’m issing that coffee right about now with the state of my throat. Perhaps it would push down all of the words that I have been aching to say for days and weeks now. 

“Please stay, bug. Not even jus’ fo’ me, but I don’t wantcha t’ lose a good job. Yer doin’ so well and e’rybody at tha firm loves you, babe . . ‘specially me. I know I fooked up real bad, but I promise it won’t happen again if ya gimme another chance-,” Harry begins in a plea, the same emotions that bubble inside of me echo within his voice. When I steal a glance at his olive green eyes, I find them swimming in tears, and that’s what pushes me to surround his lips with mine. 

His buttery soft curls feel like home between my fingers, and my rickety heart begins to slow at the smell of his sweet-peppery scent. Neither of those compare to the feeling of his lips upon mine for the first time in weeks, and the passion carried behind both of ours. Unspoken words, profuse apologies, and hundreds of ‘I miss you’s are left on the other’s lips. His nose leaves slippery marks against my cheek slick with tears, and I can taste them on his skin as well. 

Air trickles back into my burning lungs when I gasp for air below him, stealing whispery kisses from his sweet lips now and then. 

“Was that a random kiss or a ‘get back togetha’ kiss?” he rasps against my lips, finalizing his words with one last peck to my mouth. 

“A ‘get back together’ k-kiss,” I stutter with a soft titter, feeling it fill me with warmth at the sight of his dimples returning to his cheeks from their few week absence. “I missed you . . even r-right now,” I sob, the breath leaving my lungs when my chest collides with his after I dive into his arms. A surprised noise sputters from his mouth but his arms coming around me is instantaneous, and so is the comfort I feel in them. 

“Missed you mo’, bug,” he whispers into my hair, laying kisses on every inch of my head that he can find while I laugh at our inside joke. “Fook, ‘m so sorry fer how I treated ya and fer gettin’ drunk all o’ tha time ‘cuz o’ that stupid case. I meant what I said when I came back from me trip - I haven’t had a drop since that night we broke up, and I won’t fer as long as you want me t’. ‘ll do anythin’ ya want, we’ll do therapy or counselin’- jus’ want us t’ be okay, and fer you t’ let me love you ‘gain. There’s n’body else in this entire world that I wanna be spend me life with, or have babies with one day.” 

“Harry,” I chuckle against his neck, my forever favourite hiding place, whether happy or sad. “We’ve been back together for two seconds, chill on the baby talk.” 

“No, I mean it. I want ya t’ have me babies one day, nuthin’ eva changed ‘bout that, and nuthin’ eva will. Think I love ya mo’ now, Becks, so much mo’,” Harry sighs, and with his confession I can feel his body relax against mine. It’s quite contagious, really. 

“I reckon I still want you to be the father of mine . . teach them how to play footie, how to play guitar, and how to play a shit game of Scrabble.” 

“Hey now!” Harry exclaims, the words rumbling through his chest with his deep chuckle. When I pull away from him to peer into his glassy, green eyes, his lips quiet. The laugh disappears from them, but shouts of happiness and relief fill my eyes, and I think mine feel rather similar to his. “Bloody hell, if they’re as stubborn as you, we’re in fer some trouble.” 

“Like you’re any better,” I giggle, but it’s stolen away by his lips, and I couldn’t be more thankful. 

“This mean you’ll be me mentee ‘gain, and forget ‘bout that crazy talk o’ quittin’ tha firm?” he poses to me, dragging a few fingers through my hair, sending jolts of comfort through my limbs. “Please, Becks?” 

“Of course, Harry. There’s no other lawyer I’d want to learn from- don’t tell Rose that, because she’s been amazing, but she’s just not you. She’s not my favourite teacher or my best friend . . and I’ve really missed them,” I reveal softly, and sadly, the tears adorning my words. The both of them fall onto the pad of his thumb that nudges at my bottom lip affectionately. 

“‘ve missed me favourite lawyer as well, Becks. God, so fookin’ much. I can’t lose me best friend, not again,” he whimpers, the last word breaking under the weight of his tears that match mine. 

“And please, for the love of God, get rid of that intern before I do,” I groan, and a snicker springs from his angelic lips. “Because if I see her flirt with you one more fucking time, I will puke . . on her.” 

“Don’t worry, ‘ve been lookin’ fer a good reason t’ get rid o’ her, so this ‘s perfect, bug,” he coos happily, pulling me back into his arms where I’ve been craving to return for oh, so very long. “Hope y’know I still want ‘bout five kids.” 

“Shut up, Harry,” I titter, my arms tightening around his middle as I find the sweet spot in the crook of his neck. 

“Five babies, Becks, and all with you, honeybug. Li’l girls that look like you and li’l boys that look like me, all with yer gorgeous blue eyes. They’ll have tha best mum eva, they will,” my happy hum accompanies his, almost accentuates it as I toy with the cross sat at the junction of his throat and his shoulders. “Can’t say sorry enough, ‘m afraid, so ‘ll spend tha rest o’ me life sayin’ it t’ you. Promise you that.” 

“I’ll hold you to it,” I almost joke, and when I hear his songlike laugh, I at last let out the breath that I had been holding for far too long. 

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #one direction fanfiction #harry styles wattpad #ceo!harry #boss!harry #asshole!harry #dark!harry #lawyer!harry #becks x harry #hecky #the assistant h.s. #pa harry #the firsts series #writing #fanfiction #wattpad #my writing #becks holte #seventeen angst #young adult #fiction

[oceanlyricss]

Pink

Pink (born Alecia Beth Moore, 08.09.1979) Pink is an American singer and songwriter who first rose to fame in 2000. She is possibly best known for her hit 'Get the Party Started' which was released in 2001 and later covered by Dame Shirley Bassey.   Childhood: Pink was born and raised in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Her parents are Judy and James Moore. Her mother is a nurse and her father is a Vietnam War veteran.   As a child, Pink attended Kutz Elementary School, Klinger Middle School and Central Bucks West High School. Whilst she was at high school, her father used to write songs for her to sing along to and she formed her first band, Middleground. The band had a rivalry with another local band, The Jetsists. Pink has claimed that Bette Midler and Janis Joplin are among her biggest musical influence.   At the age of 16, Pink joined another band, Choice. Choice signed to LaFace Records and their song 'Key To My Heart'. When the group disbanded, she continued to record for Laface under the stage name Pink. She also worked as a backing vocalist for Dian Ross and Tevin Campbell.   Musical Career: In 2000, Pink released her debut album, Can't Take Me Home. Produced by Babyface and Steve Rhythm, the album was awarded double platinum status. The singles 'There You Go', 'Most Girls' and 'You Make Me Sick' were all released from the album. That year, Pink worked performed as the opening act for 'N Sync's American tour.   In 2001, Pink recorded a single with Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Missy Elliott and Mya. Their cover of Labelle's 'Lady Marmalade' was featured on the soundtrack of Moulin Rouge!, the Baz Luhrmann film that starred Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman.   Pink's second studio album was entitled Missundaztood and was released in 2001. She enlisted the help of Linda Perry as songwriter for the album. Perry was formerly a member of the band 4 Non Blondes. The album was co-produced by Perry, Dallas Austin and Scott Storch. 'Get The Party Started' was the lead single for the album. Other singles to follow were 'Don't Let Me Get Me' and 'Just Like A Pill'. In 2002, Faith Hill used a song written by Pink and Perry for her album Cry. Later that year, Pink was chosen to support Lenny Kravitz on his tour.   In 2003, Pink's song 'Feel Good Time' was chosen for the soundtrack of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. The film starred Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu. The song was co-written by Beck and was produced by William Orbit.   Pink's third album, Try This was less financially successful than her previous two full-length releases. Among the songwriters on this album was Tim Armstrong of Rancid. The album featured the singles 'Trouble' and 'God Is a DJ'. Pink won a Best Female Rock Vocal Performance Grammy Award for 'Trouble'.   In 2005, Pink appeared on Lisa Marie Presley's album Now What.   Pink chose a number of new producers to work on her fourth album, including Max Martin, Butch Walker and Christopher Rojas. Entitled I'm Not Dead, the album was released in 2006. 'Stupid Girls' was the lead single from the album and was her biggest hit since 2002. The song makes a mockery of female starlets such as Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.   In 2006, Pink toured with Justin Timberlake on his FutureSex/LoveShow tour. She also collaborated with Indigo Girls on their Despite Our Differences album. She later recorded the track 'Sing' with Annie Lennox and 22 other female singers for Lennox's Songs of Mass Destruction.   2007 saw the release of Pink Box, a collection of albums two to four, as well as her Live in Europe DVD.   Pink's next studio album, Funhouse was released in 2008 and featured the singles 'So What', 'Sober' and 'Crystal Ball'.   Personal Life: In 2005, Pink proposed to her partner, the motocross racer Carey Hart. They married in January 2006, in Costa Rica. By February the following year, however, they had separated. In March 2009, it was reported that the pair had attended marriage counseling and were attempting a reconciliation. Source Read the full article

#Pink #pinksongs #pop