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#because im not in a position to put my family and myself out of a home🥲

bbybearcubbs · 6 months

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What Crime Are You?... + A Pic Of Your Bias

It's the fact that, had I not had an early understanding of what consequences are and if I didn't care about consequences, I'd undoubtedly be a pyromaniac, is what makes this funnier than it should be😂❤️‍🔥

[ Tagging ] > @myboyfriendjake @harufluff @nwjws @rikislady @rikilove4 @afelia-123 + anyone else that wants to join!!!

#♡cubbs♡#♡moots♡#tag games #my moots #stray kids #skz #i love fire to an unhealthy degree #but my rationality outways that love #because im not in a position to put my family and myself out of a home🥲#and thank lord i understand that fact #unlike most psychopaths who would not give af😭

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flawless-peach · 2 months

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activities to improve your life

(in no way do you have to do these or all of them in order to improve, these ade just little things to do to help you feel good about yourself <3)

- go on walks outside, or just get outside in someway. in the summers my boyfriend and I would walk a couple blocks to get a snowcone. now that's its spring I walk to the gas station near by to pick up energy drink for my boyfriend (spring semester)

- wake up earlier, now this one is important to me because I am a huge morning person and so is everyone in my family. but some people aren't naturally morning people. so dont feel like im saying wake up at 5am. I more mean wake up with enough time to enjoy your morning and look forward to the day, you don't want to rush to get ready

- drink an appropriate amount of water, I personally aim for about 60oz now, which I don't hot everyday, but when I first started trying to drink more water I started out with 20oz because I just wasn't drinking water. so don't push yourself because you'll only hate the water rather than appreciate what it can do for you

- journal every day. I normally don't journal about my day until the next morning as I reflect on the previous day, because I don't want the day to "end" before it's actually over. but I try to write reviews about episodes of the shows i like or take notes over my audiobooks and try to think about why I like/dislike them. I find that this helps me so that whenever I start getting emotionally overwhelmed to slow down and put into words what's wrong rather than just being overwhelmed

- working out to feel good rather than look good. I've had a terrible relationship with my body most of my life and so by working out to feel good i have different goals and schedules i followed than when I was trying to lose weight, and it's helping like my body even if it's not changing how it looks. I try to exercise at least 3 days a week, but if I don't feel good enough to i don't force myself (the walks outside are exercise too, so thats also helping me feel good even if I eat a snowcone immediately afterwards ^^)

- positive affirmations. I really struggle with this one, but I have a widget on my phone that rotates through different ones and im liking the ones that are good and at the end of the week in my journal I wrote them all out.

- look for long lasting happiness over short term happiness. this one is a lot harder i just wanted to add it on the end because sometimes I put off doing something I know will make me happy in the end because of short term gratification. I normally feal with this by letting them merge if I can (so like everything shower tiktoks while I get ready for my shower)

#motivation #aesthetic #clean girl #routine #vanilla girl #photo collection #peachy days #glow up #it girl #that girl

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flowerxbunnie · 6 months

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since im like i love w/ ur writing can u PLEASE do nate smut??

idk what but like please

-💋anon

Camping

Nathan Doe x Fem reader

Warnings: angst kinda, SMUTTTT

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITH SMUT OR ARE A MINOR

I’ve been friends with the triplets since I can remember. We’ve been on so many family trips in our time growing up together; beach vacations, skiing, boating. Never did I ever think I would agree to go camping with them.

But here we are in the mountains, setting up our tents and gear. It’s us four and Nate for three days, living out of tents and stuck with no cell service. It’s not exactly my idea of a fun time, but Matt loves the outdoors and Nick and Chris seemed super excited to get away for a while too.

“Pass me another stake, this one won’t go in the fucking ground!” Chris yells from across the jumbled up pile of fabric that we’re struggling to turn into a tent for him and Matt.

“This one is the exact same,” I laugh while grabbing another one out of the package and toss it his way. “But there ya go, have at it kid.”

He grabs it and replaces the one he had been trying to get in at first, this one going into the ground on his first attempt. He shoots me a teasing grin and sticks his tongue out like a little kid, earning a laugh from me in return.

“Maybe you should listen to the boys for once, Y/n,” Nate blurts out, my eyes narrowing in his direction. “Girls weren’t built for these tough woods.” He snickers and tosses a chip into the air before catching it in his mouth.

I turn my attention back to straightening out the fabric in front of me. “Maybe you should make yourself useful and put together your tent. How about that, Nate?” I shoot back without looking at him, my nerves getting more shot with each annoying thing he does. It’s been a fucking day already.

“It was a joke, damn. Someone’s panties are in a wad.” He laughs his smug laugh and I hear Nick quietly scold him.

He’s always been so immature. I deal with him because the boys love him, but if I had it my way I wouldn’t ever be in the same room as him. He just knows what buttons to press to piss me off and make me want to pull my hair out. He thinks it’s so funny to make jokes about me being a helpless, dumb girl, and that is far from the truth. Even if it’s just joke, why keep going if nobody else is laughing?

We spend what feels like hours getting the three tents set up, positioning them next to a little creek. The sound of the water is going to be incredibly nice once I finally get to wind down for bed. For now Matt is setting up a little fire in a pit so we can make some s’mores.

I walk to the back of the van and open the trunk, grabbing two of the fold up chairs we brought and start carrying them towards the fire pit. Nick sees me doing it alone and rushes to help, grabbing two more out of the trunk and trailing behind me.

“Thank you Nicky, there should be one more in the ba-” I cut myself off with a squeal, feeling fingers digging into my sides causing both of my chairs to crash onto the ground.

I whip around and Nate is behind me, a devious grin on his face and his hands up in defense.

“That didn’t even tickle, asshole. It hurt.” I spit at him, leaning down to pick the chairs back up.

“Not my fault you’re sensitive.” He laughs, retreating to the van to grab the other chair.

“I don’t know what his problem is, Y/n. I’m sorry. We can go somewhere fun just us once this trip is over to make up for it!” Nick apologizes, speeding up to walk beside me.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m still having fun with you three.” I smile, opening up the chairs and spacing them out beside the fire pit.

Matt finally gets the fire going and Chris gets back from his adventure of finding some nice sticks for roasting marshmallows. We claim our seats and sit around as the sun goes down, feasting on s’mores and listening to Chris ramble.

“No dude, I swear. I heard the footsteps behind me,” he says with wide eyes. “I was sprinting so fast to get back here.”

“There was not a fucking bear stalking you. We would have seen it.” Matt rolls his eyes, adding a piece of chocolate to his graham cracker.

“Not if it was stalking!” He takes a bite, marshmallow sticking to his cheek. “That’s like… the whole point of stalking,” he talks with his mouth full, “to be secretive.”

“Bro that would have been a cool story to be honest.” Nate chimes in, holding his marshmallow in the flames until it catches fire.

“Nate!” Nick says in a warning tone, his eyes widening as Nate pulls it out of the flames and starts whipping the stick around.

Nate stands up and starts doing a dance with the flaming marshmallow on top, carelessly lashing it back and forth. He runs in circles around our chairs, laughing as he holds it over my head tauntingly. Before I can even register what has happened, oozing hot marshmallow drops down straight onto my chest, a throbbing burn stinging my skin even through my t-shirt. I yelp and curse in pain and try brush it off with my fingers which proves to be no help, the stickiness makes it almost impossible.

“What the fuck bro?” Chris raises his voice at Nate, quickly standing up to help me brush the remnants away.

“I didn’t know it would drip..” he says while holding back a laugh, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

Tears well in my eyes from the pain and I try to choke them back, pulling my neckline down to see a red welt already blistering up onto my skin. “Fuck you.” I direct at Nate, making eye contact with him as I stand up to head over to Matt’s backpack in his tent. It’s uncomfortably quiet, the only sound being the trickling of the water, the crackling fire and my feet stomping on the leaves.

I unzip the door and rummage through the backpack before finding the first aid kit, jumping when I fear the fabric rustling. Matt’s head pops in and he leans down so his head doesn’t hit the top of the opening. “You need some help?”

I nod and feel a hot tear fall down my cheek, brushing it away quickly as Matt digs through his kit for burn cream. I sit criss cross and he kneels down in front of me, sighing as he brushes my hair back and pulls my collar down. “He got you good, but it didn’t break the skin thankfully.” He swipes an alcohol wipe over it and cleans it up, using a swab to apply some cream. “All better?”

I nod and reach my arms out, sinking into his embrace. “Why does he hate me?” I speak quietly.

“Oh Y/n,” he laughs, “he doesn’t. He’s just immature. He doesn’t know when to stop.”

“Well it feels like he does. Haven’t even been through one night and he’s already getting on my last nerve.”

He pulls back and gives me a knowing look before standing up, holding his hand out and helping me to my feet. “I’ll talk to him. Just try to enjoy your time, okay? Don’t let him ruin your trip.”

I smile in appreciation of Matt and our friendship. I give him a nod and a peck on the cheek, jumping when Nate speaks up.

“The fuck?”

Matt and I snap our heads to him, his tall frame standing in the opening of the tent with a puzzled look on his face.

“What?” I snap, seething with anger. “Can’t even get five minutes away from you, huh?”

He raises an eyebrow and gives us a suggestive look.

“Nate, stop being fucking weird. Y/n is like my sister. Get your ass in here.” Matt demands, guiding me out of the tent and back to Nick and Chris, Nate bumping my shoulder as we cross paths.

The rest of the night is peaceful. Matt and Nate eventually came back to join us in our exchange of campfire stories, a grin across Matt’s face as he takes the seat next to me. We take turns talking about all things spooky, paranormal, conspiracy theories, you name it. When it circles around to Nate for his turn, he shakes his head and sits back in his seat. He remains quiet and standoffish for the rest of the night, engaging in conversation as little as he can.

It’s pitch black and the fire is dwindling down when Nick announces he’s going to head to bed, collecting the sticks and tossing them into the flames.

“Same here, Matt come with me so you don’t wake me up with that loud ass zipper later.” Chris ruffles Matt’s hair and gets pushed away playfully.

“I’ll be in there in a bit,” Nate looks at Nick. “I’ll keep a watch on the fire ‘til it goes out.”

Nick nods and retreats off to their tent, zipping it shut.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” Chris yells as he sprints towards his tent, and Matt mouths ‘help me’ as he scoots in behind him.

The awkwardness in the air is thick and palpable, neither me or Nate uttering a word as the crickets chirp around us. He pokes and prods at the fire, sparks floating off into the air as he moves the remaining logs around. I watch, almost hypnotized by the embers and shake my head, snapping back to reality. As I look up I swear I catch his dark blue eyes looking into mine for a fraction of a second. I huff and stand up, brushing the crumbs off my shirt before I turn around to make my way to my tent.

I zip myself in and do the best skin routine I can do while camping, cleansing my face with wipes and applying my travel moisturizer and serums. I change into a tank top and sleep shorts, happy with the idea of being a little cold while I sleep.

I flip on my portable reading light and set it up beside my air mattress, grabbing a book to read to lull myself to sleep. The soft light is ambient and relaxing along with the steady trickling of the stream just behind my tent.

I read for a while, snug under my blanket and dozing off every couple minutes as my eyes trace across the pages. I hear rustling outside my tent, setting my book down as I listen closer. What if Chris was right and there is a bear stalking us from somewhere beyond the tree line? I jump and gasp as I hear tapping on my door, the fabric rippling and moving around.

“Knock knock…” a deep voice rings out just loud enough for me to hear.

The zipper starts moving around the arch of the entrance, falling down to reveal Nate’s figure standing outside.

“Can I come in?” He whispers.

“Uhh.. I’d rather you didn’t.” I groan and pick my book back up, trying to bring my focus back to the love story in front of me.

“Please? I’ll be quick.” He pleads, dipping his head farther in the tent.

I look up as the light catches on his face, and I can see the dip of his cheekbones, his jaw clenching lightly as he takes a deep breath.

“Fine. Make it snappy.” I concede, sitting up and drawing my legs to my chest instinctively, almost as an effort to protect myself.

I hear the zipper of the door being closed and feel the air mattress dip as he sits on the edge, a good distance still between us. He brings one leg up to rest on the bed and the other hangs down to the ground, nervously kicking back and forth. We sit for a minute without speaking, neither of us wanting to be the first to break the silence. He coughs and clears his throat, urging me to look his way.

“How’s the.. burn?” He asks as his eyes flick down to my chest and back up quickly.

“Really fucking painful.” I state matter of factly, exaggerating to try and make him feel bad.

He breathes out and closes his eyes, an apologetic look written across his face as he opens them again. “Look, Y/n, I’m sor-”

“You don’t have to do this.” I interrupt him, my tone full of annoyance. “I don’t want a half assed apology.”

“Let me talk.. please?” He asks calmly, pulling his other leg up onto the mattress.

I sigh and nod, playing with my fingers that are still interlocked around my legs.

“Y/n. I’m actually really fucking sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he looks down and shakes his head before looking back up, licking his lips. “I just d-don’t know how to..” he stammers, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Go on..” I huff, ready to dive back into my book and sleep this night away.

“Can I just see the burn?” He asks hesitantly, a shaking hand reaching up to toy with my fingers.

I swallow back a gasp as the heat of his hand radiates against mine, his soft fingers guiding mine to unlock. His eyes are filled with a softness, an innocence that I’ve never seen before. I release my grip and allow my knees to fall down from my chest, exposing the wound he left on me hours before. It’s nothing major, just a red welt filled with lingering heat. His shoulders slump as he scans over it, his eyes showing remorse as they meet mine again.

“It’s already a lot better.” I admit, regretting the harsh tone I had used earlier when I lied to him about it still being painful.

“Can I?” He asks softly, reaching a hand toward my chest.

I give him a hesitant nod as my cheeks burn, scared he’ll be able to feel my heart pounding in my chest. My blood burns hot as it courses through my body, a visceral reaction to the distance closing between us. His fingertips graze over it with a feather light touch, so soft it’s like he’s almost not touching me at all. He lingers for a moment, his eyes shutting as he shifts his position to be directly in front of me. His hand drops down, landing on my bare calf as his eyes flash up to mine again.

“I just don’t know how to act around you, Y/n.” He is barely audible as his hand squeezes my leg.

“W-what are you talking about, Nate?”

“I just..” his hand inches up to my knee. “I think I make a fool of myself to try and impress you.”

I shake my head, convinced this is just a weird dream that I’m having and I’ll wake up to the same annoying Nate that makes me want to claw at my skin. I can’t help but feel my stomach flip with the way he’s opening up to me.

“I’m serious. I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you since we were in school together.” His fingers trail up my inner thigh, the rough pads against my skin causing a heat to rush between my thighs.

“Nathan… I-”

“Fuck.” He mumbles under his breath. “You can’t call me that, Y/n.”

“Why not?” I ask in a whisper, my better judgement taking over as I place my hand on top of his own, leading it higher up my thigh.

His breath hitches as he looks down and sees that he’s millimeters away from the hem of my shorts. “Makes me feel some type of way..” he trails off, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat as he gulps.

“What kind of way, Nathan?” I ask lowly, batting my eyes at him and feigning innocence as I scoot closer.

“Stop it. Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He warns, starting to draw his hand back.

I tighten my grip on his hand and move it higher, pushing the tips of his fingers under the hem and biting my lip. “Who said I don’t feel the same?”

It’s like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. He brings his free hand to my face and caresses it lightly, still a little hesitant but with a hungry look in his eyes. He moves his face closer to mine, hot breath fanning against me as his pink lips ghost over mine.

“Are you sure?” He asks seriously.

“I’m positive.” I answer, closing the distance and taking the opportunity to make the first move.

Our lips mesh together, working against each other slowly. His hand moves to my jaw, fingers resting against the nape of my neck as we kiss like it’s the only thing we know how to do. He pulls away and places a few quick pecks on my lips before diving back in, moving both hands to my hips. He pulls me closer and I take the hint, throwing a leg over him and straddling his lap, never disconnecting our lips. His big hands roam my body, squeezing and grabbing hungrily as he swipes his tongue over my bottom lip. I open my mouth and our tongues synchronize, exploring the parts we’ve both secretly longed for. The kiss is both passionate and filled with lust, low moans breathed into each other’s mouths.

He pulls back and scans my face, his pupils rapidly dilating as he drags his gaze down to my chest. My nipples have caught up with my arousal, becoming taut against the fabric of my tank top. He brings his mouth down and places a kiss on each one through my shirt, a whine escaping my lips at the sensation. He reaches up and places a tender kiss to the burn on my chest, careful not to be too rough.

His hands trail up my hips before moving up and pulling down on the neckline of my top, my breasts spilling out inches from his face.

“So perfect.” He whispers against my skin while placing kisses spanning across my chest.

My head falls back and I grip into his soft hair, pulling on it and earning a low groan. His tongue circles my left nipple before he latches onto it, sucking slowly as his blue eyes lock onto mine. I push his hair out of his forehead as he switches to the other nipple, flicking his tongue across it before sucking a little more harshly.

I can feel him growing beneath me, his erection pressing against my clothed core. I instinctively grind down against it, causing his lips to stall on my nipple and a low moan to escape his throat. He bucks up for more, his throbbing dick providing a delicious pressure against me. His hands leave my body and he pulls his shirt off, leaning back on his hands, propped up and staring at me intently. His defined torso is etched out in the light, a sheen of sweat over his skin despite the cool night air.

“Fuck.. just keep grinding… please.” He pleads, squirming his hips.

I do as I’m told, my hands reaching up to pull my own tank top over my head as I move back and forth on him. I reach down and run my fingers across his stomach, the rippling muscles tensing beneath my fingers as I circle my hips. His face contorts with pleasure, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I can’t help the little whimpers that fall past my lips, my core now dripping with need. The layers of clothing between us do nothing to stop the feeling of his rock hard erection against my clit.

“Nathan.. I need it.” I pant and start loosening the tie on his sweatpants.

“Stand up baby. Let me undress you.” He demands as he guides me to my feet and sits up on the edge of the mattress.

My stomach flutters at the new pet name and at the fact that his lips are now placing hot kisses across the tender fleshy skin. He inches lower, lips grazing against my waistband as he hooks his fingers into them. He looks up at me again with a questioning look, almost as if asking me to confirm I want this for a final time. I nod furiously and he slowly inches the shorts down until they pool around my ankles. He traces the fabric of my underwear lightly before pulling them down, my body now completely exposed in the soft light of my reading lamp. He removes his own pants and boxers in one motion, his dick springing up and a whine falling past his lips at the freeing feeling.

“Now get back on,” he says while resuming his propped up position, “I like seeing your tits in my face.”

The dirty words make my stomach flip. I climb back on top of him, my dripping pussy sliding up across his length, my core clenching in response. I repeat it a few times, gripping onto his shoulders as I slide back and forth across his cock feeling every vein running across its surface. He grips his base with one hand as I lift up, lining himself up with my entrance. I sink down, feeling my walls stretch around him as I take him inch by inch.

“So tight, fuck..” he groans, hips stuttering and resisting the urge to shove all the way into me.

“Y-you’re so big, Nathan.” I whimper, pain turning into pleasure as I begin to loosen up and sink completely down.

“Don’t flatter me, baby.” He smirks and brings a thumb to his mouth, licking it and bringing it down to rub my clit.

I moan out and immediately stop myself, worried about waking the boys who are just a couple thin fabric walls away from us. Nate shushes me and rubs back and forth tantalizingly slow, his pressure rough. I start to bounce up and down on him, gripping onto the arm that’s still propping himself up. The muscles are flexed and hard, and his tanned skin is clammy beneath my fingertips.

His finger leaves my clit and reaches up to pinch my nipple, rolling and tugging on it as I ride him. We’re both panting and holding back our sounds, swallowing them down before they have the chance to escape. His eyes are fully blown out as he bites onto his lip.

“N-Nathan please.. touch me again.” I whisper, sinking down to take all of him back inside and rolling my hips.

“You like when I play with your clit?” He asks with a smug grin before bringing his thumb back down, rubbing faster this time.

“U-uh.. mhm… fuck.” I can barely form words, the pleasure making my brain cloudy.

My thighs burn as I bounce up and down, feeling his swollen tip brush against my walls with every movement. He starts to buck his hips up along with my movements, pushing himself impossibly deep into my core. I taste iron in my mouth as I bite onto my bottom lip, desperate to keep my moans contained. A pressure is building in my lower stomach as he toys with me, his index finger inching its way to my clit to roll it between his thumb.

In the blink of an eye he’s on top of me, his chain dangling over my face. He hooks one of his arms around my thigh and pushes it up against my stomach, the other sprawled out to the side. His other arm props himself up above me, his veins lining his arms and straining underneath his skin.

He pushes into me and curses fall out of his mouth as he begins to pump in and out. His hips slap against my skin rhythmically, my breasts bouncing with each impact. Each thrust brings me closer to the edge as head brushes repeatedly against my g spot.

“I’m close, baby. F-fuck.. wanna cum in you so bad..” he groans, his head falling down into my neck.

I lean over and hover my lips by his ear. “Please, Nathan..” I almost beg, my pussy starting to clench around him already.

My pleas send him over the edge, his dick twitching as he shoots his load into me. He pushes all the way in as he paints my walls, and the sensation brings me to my own climax. My stomach clenches as I throb around him, his name falling out of my lips over and over. We moan out together as we ride through our releases, my hands clawing down his back as I arch up off the bed against him. He falls down on top of me, my breath hitching at the feeling of his dick sliding out, still so sensitive from my climax.

“Oh my god.” He pants out as he rolls over to lay down beside me.

My head is swimming and my entire body is pulsing. I look over and place a soft kiss against his lips, too tired to even think about talking right now.

We lay together for a while, drinking in the bliss and caressing each other with soft hands. He eventually gets up to rummage through my bags, finding a pack of baby wipes. He tenderly cleans me up before grabbing a new one and cleans himself off. We redress and he plops back down into the mattress.

“As much as I would love to sleep in here..” he starts, leaving the statement open ended.

“I know. It’s okay.” I smile and pull him closer, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

He melts against me and cuddles against my chest. Time feels slow as we listen to the babbling creek and the crickets chirping in the woods.

A different kind of chirping causes me to shoot my eyes open, panic flooding in as I see the light through the tent and Nate’s chest rising and falling underneath my blanket. I hit his chest and he jumps, his eyes flying open and the same panicked look written across his face.

“What are we gonna do?” I whisper, rubbing my hands across my face.

“Hey.” He grabs my hands, pulling them away from my face. “I’ll just sneak into my tent and go to sleep next to Nick like I was supposed to.”

I nod frantically and lay down, faking sleep as he presses a kiss against my hair and hurries to undo the zipper on the door.

“Fuck.” He mumbles.

“What, Nathan?” I sit up, scanning around to see what he’s so worried about.

To our surprise, all three boys sit around the fire pit with a flame already blazing, cups of hot chocolate in their hands as they smirk and laugh over at us.

“You guys have fun last night?”

tag list: @lustfulslxt @whotfisade @soursturniolo @recklesssturniolo @lxvlysworld @chrisolivia4l @kiarastromboli @mattnchrisworld @cupidsword @kvtie444 @xplrfear @knowingnothingnoel @karlybbx @chrisfavoritepepsi @mwah0mwah @starsturniolo

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #nate doe #nathan doe #nathan doe smut #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader

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killxio · 1 year

Text

ceo baby daddy eren.

word count: 1,635 [ 6 min read] | ✪ content warnings: pregnancy, slightly detailed mention of nsfw, writer who still thinks they’re funny, accidental pregnancy, breastfeeding

babydaddy!eren x pregnant!reader / babydaddy!eren x mom!reader / husband!eren x pregnant!reader / husband!eren x mom!reader

✭ you and eren’s journey after an accidental pregnancy.

babydaddy!eren , who is the ceo at the company of a job you just started working.

babydaddy!eren , who you just so happened to have a two (and a half?) night stand with a week before you started your position and realized who he was.

babydaddy!eren , who’s apartment you nervously stand outside of with a positive pregnancy test and a plan to negotiate and vanish.

“look, im sure you’re going to suggest i abort or adopt. i’m sorry but i’m not willing to do either, i’m fine working to support the baby myself and i’ll move to the other side of the country and be out of your hair.” you babble, really only telling him because your friends say he had the right to know. you had no expectations for a successful ceo to put his life on hold to have a baby with a stranger.

babydaddy!eren who scares you with the way he is staring directly at you, leaning against a wall opposite of you, not saying a thing for awhile.

“no. i wouldn’t ask that of you if that’s not what you’d like. i will never abandon a child of mines. im changing your title in my company to a personal assistant. moving your office closer to mines, i want to be around if you need anything.”

babydaddy!eren who always seems to be hovering around your office and demanding you get lunch with him, a way of personally ensuring your fed.

babydaddy!eren who secretly enjoys watching the swell of your stomach as time goes by. unnoticeable to anyone else at work at first. then poking out at him as he watches from your couch as you get ready to introduce him to your family unit over dinner. then having to curl around it to give you a kiss after your first official date night. then soothing it late at night after you’re stirring because baby yaeger is treating your insides like a jungle gym.

babydaddy!eren who moves you into his penthouse because he “is uncomfortable with the thought of you and his child living separately after birth“

“you’re in pain postpartum, alone with a baby and you expect me to only stop by? how do i protect my family if i’m treating them like a 9-5? you already practically live here, y/n.” you finally agree. after making him agree to a dog sometime in the future.

babydaddy!eren who buys the three of you a house, insisting it’s time to mature and the best environment for the most important woman in his life and his son.

babydaddy!eren who digs out holes in the sand so you can rest on your stomach comfortably at the beach.

babydaddy!eren who keeps tiny copies of the photos from that day in his wallet and his desk at work. not just of the bump, but of you. your smile. your beauty.

babydaddy!eren who is there to relieve any ache and pain as best he can, no matter the hour. he lifts your bump or massages you at an instant. (and give the best late night head but that’s neither here nor there)

babydaddy!eren who’s calm after you go into labor late one night, the house dimly lit by candle and moonlight.

“rennie?” he’s up after few light shakes, becoming a light sleeper after you started sleeping over consistently.

his tired eyes peak at you through unruly strands of bed head, shifting into concern after seeing the way you double over and groan out in pain.

“sweetheart? is it your water?”

you can only nod in response, clasping onto his forearm as he sits up in bed. he leans you into his chest, wiping the tears from your cheeks and quietly going over the game plan with you while instructing you to breathe.

babydaddy!eren who was absolutely amazing at directing the nurses rushing around you and maintaining the calm energy in the hospital room.

babydaddy!eren who you catch early in the morning, standing over your sons hospital cradle and just balling in awe.

“elias yeager..” he mumbles to himself, repeatedly, etching this image into his brain.

babydaddy!eren who does the same thing at home, spending hours staring at you knocked out and the tiny curly haired baby laying between the two of you in the in-bed-bassinet.

babydaddy!eren who learned how to make padsicles for you and makes sure you’re always stocked postpartum.

babydaddy!eren who sucks at swaddling but is s-tier at a quick change after a spit up.

babydaddy!eren who has to have your son within five feet at all times. babywearing, skin to skin, working with him in his lap, at his desk, in his home office. he is a sucker for physical intimacy and hated being away from his people.

you’re in the tub of your grand master bathroom, jet feature on low with your son on your chest and a speaker playing your favorite RnB playlist. this is more of a leisure bath rather than a cleaning bath, no bubbles as you don’t want any harsh chemicals on babies skin. your son starts to fuss and you offer him your breast, nursing him back into silence.

“where’s my invite?” yaeger asks from the doorframe, smiling at the two of you. you beam back at him.

“look who’s back from his meeting? hi daddy.” you say to both your son and him.

“hi mommy. hi eli bee-li.” he says, now kneeling at the side of the tub, kissing you, your son and then up to your collarbone. he stands up and begins stripping. his tie.. then his work shirt, and his pants. his boxers go with.

“hey, my eyes are up here.” you raise your gaze and find him staring directly at you already.

“oh shut it.” you say through a smirk, scooting forward to allow him space to climb in behind the two of you.

you lean your head into the space between his neck and collar bone.

he soaks this up, these are the moments he lives for: his girlfriends hair running down his chest, he can feel both her and his son’s breathing, and the warmth of the water enveloping them.

babydaddy!eren who gives a speech thanking you for all you given him at your sons small, intimate first birthday.

babydaddy!eren who lives in bliss everyday for two years, excited to come home to his girl and baby boy.

babydaddy!eren who realizes one day how unfair to you it is that you chase after his little hyperactive son, cook for him, kiss him all over, and upkeep the house all without giving you a ring.

fiancée!eren who proposed intimately on a beach, with the help of your two nearly-three-year-old.

“so, you know what we’re here to do?”

your sons head of medium brown curls only nod at his father, smiling behind his pacifier.

“atta boy. now go hide behind the rock, mommy is coming.”

you join eren for what is supposed to be a normal, romantic beach-side dinner. a few minutes in..

“mama?” your son muffles behind a pacifier, having appeared beside you.

“elias, what are you doing here baby boy?” you softly take out his pacifier.

“dada hav a ques’on.”

as you pick him up and place him on your lap, you shoot eren a confused look.

things are starting to click as eren walks over to your side of the table, kneeling infront of the two of you as your son hands him a black box. (that you somehow didn’t notice despite elias forgetting to hold the box behind him instead of infront of him like eren instructed)

you smile the brightest you ever have, watching as eren reveals an absolutely gorgeous ring and asks,

“y/n, will you bless me with the honor of calling you my wife and marry me?”

“oh. my god. eren. yes. yes!!!”

husband!eren who probably put another little curly haired baby in you on your wedding night.

despite you being bone-tired, eren gives you the most life shattering dick he ever has. your wedding nails leave swollen, and at points bleeding, cuts down his back. he has taken you on every surface in the path from the door to your bedroom, switching from tender to ragdolling you like a fucking madman.

you limped half of the day until you walked it out the next day.

husband!eren who picks you up and twirls you in delight when you get home from your honeymoon and show him a positive pregnancy test two weeks later.

husband!eren who is happy to say “my wife and i are here for our __ week checkup.”

husband!eren who, if you thought was calm the first time, is absolutely serene. you had absolutely no worries besides where the hell the anesthesiologist was with your epidural. everything was taken care of. eren has always been like this, between his upbringing and life, eren did not feel equipped to handle a family but molded himself due to his work ethic. he worked so hard to give his family, most importantly his children a calm and stable upbringing so you’re actually the one more likely to freak out in emergency situations.

husband!eren who sits at your bedside with your son in his lap, answering all his questions about his new little sister, admiring his family and it’s new addition.

husband!eren who tells his 4 year old son and 2 month old daughter milestones of you twos relationship as bedtime stories.

husband!eren who took over the small start up you started before working for him for more income, keeping it in your name but managing it and growing it into a massive success. you carried and care for his children, making you a millionaire is the least he can do.

husband!eren who reminds you everyday how thankful he is for the family and love you’ve given him.

#aot au #aot eren #eren jaeger x black reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x black reader #eren x you #eren #eren fluff #eren yeager #dad eren #eren aot #i won’t him #modern au

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iwanty0uu · 3 months

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❄︎ all characters are 19+ y/n being 20, second female character being 19, and male character being 21, contains swearing and mentions of violence ❄︎

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐...

The door to your childhood home flung open, throwing your keys on the kitchen counter you threw your shoes off and closed the entrance behind you.

“Aye why the hell you makin allat noise in my house baby girl?” your bald daddy asked you, setting aside his newspaper and putting his feet on the coffee table infront of him that was used for everything but coffee. The tears were already rushing down your flushed face, hands shaking as you found yourself trying to hold onto his shoulders for balance from behind the couch he sat now disturbed and concerned.

“Hey hey- whats wrong who did this to you?” his paternal instinct kicking in, “This aint about dat boy fat headed ass boy because if it is- Ima shoo-“

You interrupted

“Daddy its about him and your horrible daughter that you n mommy spoiled rotten who think shes obligated to have everything I got when i barely got any-fucking-thing myself. She just fucked up my relationship and ion know what else to do like..” you paused to catch your breath, in attempt to calm yourself down, you only created more noice and panic as anxiety settled in.

It felt as if the world was moving at 300 frames per second and everything was overwhelming. Your eldest brother sensed the drama in the living room and exited out of his own. I swear when it came to people business he found it with ease like a rat with cheese.But after seeing his little sister who claimed “thugs dont cry” practically bawling in fetal position next to your father in the couch, he couldnt help but mind your business. You are his business.

“The fuck am I hearing about Nataly?” He asked? “Bro that bitch cheated on ME fuck the nigga at this point with my boyfriend.”Anger settled into your bones as you called your mother to air out her business, hoping the family would judge her the way they did you all the times you made the same mistakes that she did.

“Yo ma” you answered calming down slightly, playing with your leggings, “Whats wrong im at work.” her phone propped up to see your beautiful but upset face, “Que pasa mí amor?” she asked, her once typing fingers stopped moving as she focused her attention on you.

“You’re daughter’s a slut. Caught her ass fucking my boyfriend.”

“Well thats your little sister…its wrong but she is still your sister.”

“WHATCHU MEAN SHE’S STILL MY SISTER? You dont see anything remotely wrong with what she did????” You asked at this point begging for empathy.

“Yes but-“

“Nah forget it she prolly got that cheating shit from you thats why daddy left your ass now.”

The “dun dun” of the now ended FaceTime was the only noise that filled the quiet room..your father started blankly at you.

.. “How did you know .. you kids were never supposed to know?” he whispered, almost as if he was still trying to save the secret, to keep it in Pandora’s box.

“Close your mouth before a fly goes up in there Lachlan.. I seen a video of her and her side nigga in her phone when i was younger..”

“NAHHHH THIS SHIT IS NEWS TO ME FUCK U MEAN MA CHEATED?? I just thought the d was not fire..” Lachlan now yelled, no longer trying to control his temper, disbelief and confusion.

But just like that, your relationship with your mother’s side of the family, and your sister was practically done for, until familiar footsteps entered the household.

Oh so now everybody and they mother wanna pull up today huh?

#black reader #black coded reader #attack on titan #iwanty0uu #fem reader #aot x y/n #aot fanfiction #aot x black reader #ony x black reader #onyankopon x reader #aot onyankopon #onyankapon #onyankopon x black y/n #black y/n #black tumblr

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danibeanie · 3 months

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Cancer mars post 🤍

(Also moon-mars aspects!)

-I really feel like this placement resonates the most with me when it comes to my natal chart. The funny thing is that it makes NO aspects with any other planets.

-I’ve heard somewhere that a planet that doesn’t make any aspects with other planets is important because it’s just itself with no other influences.

-wherever you have this placement with definitely influence that house x10. I feel like planets in their fall or detriment just impact your whole chart in general.

Positives 🩵

-your intuition is literally amped 100 by this placement. someone can be talking to me in a different tone than usual and I can just sense there’s something wrong and they’re like HOW DID U KNOW??😭

-emotions are strong and it’s because it’s influence links with the moon. we know that the moon is who we are deep within, our hidden feelings. anything I do makes me want to work even HARDER because it’s all sooo personal to me 🥲

-strong empathy with this placement you naturally put yourself into others people shoes, want to take care of others and it just comes by instinct.

-people many call you super nice and your just talking LMAO. I have this placement in my 3rd house which is ruled by communication so it’s just natural for me to embody the placement when I’m talk.

-ex you can have this in the 7th house and your just super giving into any relationships kinda intense lol, 10th house people at work may see you as mother😋 (kidding) a nurturing person.

-a lot of passion, many people forget that cancer mars is a CARDINAL sign which means it’s easy for these people to fall into a leader position. we are go getters and can be a bit competitive.

Negatives🩶

-any conflict that we have is literally the end of the world. It’s feels like impending doom when I’m mad at someone because the only way I can control this is by crying 😭

- we hold grudges *sigh* , no but really it will take me so long to forgive someone and it’s hard to let go of that bitterness. Its just that we are so considerate so when someone does something we would never do it’s hard to let go of that situation.

-mood swings are there and other people can easily get affected by this as well. we can be fine and dandy then we think about something that hurt us from 5 months ago and then we get passive.

^im very self aware of this and I try not to let it happen and when it does I isolate myself

-most of our anger is directed towards family???😭 idk if it’s just me but my family tends to see the ugly side of this placement. no one’s ever seen me SUPER-mad except for my parents.

-does anyone else get HORRIBLE,UNBEARABLE periods?!? I feel like no one talks about this.

-AVOID CONFRONTATION like no other and then we wonder why we hold grudges cause WE DONT TALK IT OUT LMAO.

-it’s easy to get drained of tasks that your not emotionally invested in or see no future in. I can make a whole rant on how this affects my school life but that’s too much.*sigh*

Influential musicians 🩵

chester bennington(lead singer of linkin park) also had a cancer mars.(may he rest in peace🤍) A lot of rock and heavy metal musicians have cancer mars which is ironic because they put all that passion and emotion into their lyrics and singing.

-lana del rey is a cancer mars and I feel like she embodies this placement fully. even by her lyrics and just the way she talks.

IN CONCLUSION 🩵

-being a cancer mars has its ups and down and so many people pertain to its negatives. I believe that people with the fallen/detriment placements all naturally have their positives as well. it’s definitely a placement you have to live and learn by. I love this placement because it humbles me, gives me empathy and kindness ,but don’t cross us cause then we’ll reciprocate that rudeness 10x harder.

#cancer mars #astrology content #astro observations #astro community #lana del rey #cancer placements

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denningsjawbreaker · 9 months

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KNITTING ERA ?!?!

by: denningsjawbreaker

summary: soft!demetri teachers reader how to knit but *sighs*

for: @volturi-stuff

INT. VOLTURI CASTLE

" Demetri this is literally so hard...I'm stupid I can't fucking figure this shit out " you complain to your smug ass boyfriend who decided it be best to spend time by knitting.

This motherfucker continued to smirk as he sits on the bed y'all shared and is almost done knitting a whole sweater. You blinked at and lips parted and you cross your arms .

" that's totally unfair ... why can't we just sit down relax and watch teen wolf ? " you whine and wrap yourself around the blanket he made for you three days ago.

Demetri looks down at you and puts the finished beanie on your head and kisses your lips and your forehead.

" because doing these things with you makes me happy....I love making things with you..and for you darling. you mean so much to me and I do sincerely apologize if this isn't up to your liking , but knitting is my comfort and so are you. Which is why I decided to combine them both . " he says softly and strokes ur cheek and puts his knitting gear to the side .

Now you feel bad because why the fuck would he explain so sweetly. You can't help but smile at him. The way he is with his words. In these moments , you can't believe you have the most flirtatious casanova of the vampire world at your feet turning into this gentleman you cant help but love so much.

" METRI.....stoppp you really feel that way about me ? Im actually gonna fucking cry. THAT is literally the most nicest thing anyone has said to me . You are my miracle and my comfort too. You make me feel so beautiful and confident in myself. You make me the most happiest girl ever . I'm glad you are my mate and I met you. " you say through tears and wrap your arms around your big man .

Demetri smiles and his undead heart flutters a bit at your answer. He feels himself at peace in the centuries he has been alive. Besides Felix, you are his family. You are his perfect match and his soulmate . He never saw love the same after what he went through but you taught him that giving it a second chance isn't something to hide from.

" I love you so much amore . You are my everything and my life. If I had my heart in my hand , I'm sure it would be alive again " he says and kisses you deeply and strokes your hair softly. You smile in his arms and he wraps the blanket he made around y'all and he puts on the TV in the room and goes to search and looks at you.

" It's Teen Wolf right? " he says with his eyebrow up and you give him a nod with a smile and squeal.

" I can't wait to see Issac...he is so fine oh my god " you tell him .

He pouts playfully and looks at you with child like eyes.

" I'm hotter than that mutt...right ?!" He asks you as you press on Season 2.

You roll your eyes playfully and kiss his cheek with a chuckle.

" Oh my heavens Demetrius , don't be jealous he is just my TV crush don't worry . You know I love you so so much " you kiss him everywhere and he smirks and has his arm around you.

" Yeah that's true....but I love you more my darling dove " he smiles wide as the theme song starts to play and he looks over again at the TV then at you.

" so maybe we can make teen wolf beanies ?"

" OH MY GOSH YES ! BUT you definitely have to make it cause I don't trust myself with knitting "

" don't worry I got you my darling "

Both You and Demetri are now lost in the each other's love and can't help the happiness that radiates surrounding you. You both were the sun to each other's darkness. If the evil leaks in, it's positively true that love will overpower it. Demetri loves you so much and you love Demetri.

is anything more important than that ?

#demetri volturi #demetri volturi imagine #volturi #volturi imagine #demetri volturi x reader #charlie bewley #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight oneshot #explore #fluff #software #soft reader #vampire

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jadepearl · 7 days

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I cannot bring myself to like (show) Rhaenys. Here are the reasons:

1. She, much like Alicent, seems to take all the negative emotions she feels towards Viserys and directs them towards Rhaenyra- there were better ways to tell Rhaenyra that her claim would be contested (in fact, im of the opinion that show! Rhaenys started disliking Nyra a little more after Viserys refused to disinherit her after after having his precious [sarcasm] son.) I’ve got more thoughts on this but that’s for later.

2. Her (lovely, but extremely pathetic) gay son. The GAY son that she knew was gay. The GAY son that she suspected would not be able to fuck/ impregnate a woman. The GAY son she knew would ABSOLUTELY be destroyed by the game. THE GAY SON THAT SHE WED TO THE WOMAN SHE KNEW WOULD NEED CHILDREN!!!! The entire situation with the (alleged/rumored) bastards of Nyra is a situation that Rhaenys and Coryls themselves had a hand in- they knowingly married their very gay son to Nyra knowing that she would need heirs and that it was entirely (re:extremely) possible that Laenor would not be able to bed/fuck her. Like how is she going to wake up and be like “oh my hod, my son was cuckolded” as if her son also hadn’t been cuckolding Nyra??? Like if she was going to turn a blind to Laenor sleeping w/ Qarl she could’ve afforded Nyra that same willful ignorance. Instead she chose to be mad at Nyra for making the best out of situation that Rhaenys and Corlys and her father, and even fucking Laenor put her in!!!!

3. Her attitude w/ the Velaryon Boys( see point above) those boys exist because her son could not do his duty !!! It is not a Nyra problem- it is not as simple as Nyra deciding to cuckold her husband. Nyra needed children- she TRIED with Laenor, both of them were extremely uncomfortable and it didn’t work- and Laenor apologized for being unable to his duty and instead it was decided upon that they ( the boys) would be granted the Velaryon name upon birth. He did not sire those boys (allegedly) but he did love them!!! This is the crux of my issue w/ Rhaenys- if Laenor hated those boys, I could justify her anger, excuse it maybe- but he didn’t. He didn’t hate them, didn’t cure their existence (was he a good father? No. Absolutely not. Very absent at best. But he loved them, and he cared for Nyra and so he took them as his own and gave them his family name) Rhaenys being angry/upset/etc over the outcome of a situation that she/corlys/Viserys all pushed those two into is fucking annoying and really- pardon my speak- grinds my fucking gears. You don’t get to force your gay son and your little cousin into a marriage and get shocked when your GAY son can’t fuck a woman. Especially not when you suspected that your GAY SON WOULDNT BE ABLE TO FUCK A WOMAN??? because those are the vibes show! Rhaenys gives off (yes my son is gay, no I don’t think he’ll ever be able to fuck a woman, but how dare his wife not simply live a childless life- who cares if she needed children, doesn’t she know how those looks?) why did Rhaenys not think about how it would look before marrying them?? Did she really expect the HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE TO LIVE A CHILDLESS LIFE ALL BECAUSE HER (again lovely, but rather pathetic) GAY SON COULD NOT FUCK ANYONE NOT IN POSSESION OF A COCK??!!!

What angers me the most is that, even after that conversation where she told Nyra how unstable her position was, and how she’d eventually be supplanted in favor of a male heir- this bitch, along w/ her husband put Nyra in a situation where she’d have to make a difficult choice. Live the rest of her life being called barren, cursed, all the things that they all called her late mother- all things that would endanger both her, her title as heir, and probs even Laenor too, or seek someone else to sire children? They put her in that situation and the got pissed when she didn’t choose the route of eternal suffering- they put her in that situation and got pissed that she didn’t simply accept it??? Show!Rhaenys, Viserys, Corlys, Daemon, fucking Alicent- if you have no enemies I am dead.

Anyway! These are all MY opinions, you are welcome to have your own but yours will not make me change mine. Have a good day!!

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leftclown · 10 months

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So now I'm gonna move on and actually describe an experience I have had as a trans man who is currently detransitioned due to financial status. This experience involves both misogyny and transphobia, and I'm not really here to debate weather or not I Can experience these things, instead I'm just going to share it.

So I guess somewhat important context to this is that I am rather feminine by appearence. If you encountered me in the wild you'd think I was the hoodie and cookie monster pajama girl from high school. My partner, also not currently receiving gender affirming care passes a bit better than me. He at the very least gives people pause or incites confusion. Usually, though, people just assume he's a young man.

I was going to get a state ID because I had moved recently to another state. My ID from my previous state had my gender marked as M because I went through the due process to get that done. New home state has a policy that if youre from out of state you have to get your ID processed at the police station. My partner is also trans and had gone a week prior to get his done, and they had respected his ID's gender marker, moving all of his information from the out of state record.

I go in and of course I am marked F, so upon reviewing it I said thats incorrect, because my ID says M. We go back and forth and I eventually produce my partner's ID and say "you did it for him just last week". Big mistake on my part because I'm honestly still learning how not to give people like this the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, they go to their manager to figure out what to do.

A few minutes later I am called alone into the managers office. Here's a shortlist of this meeting;

-Thet confiscated my partners ID without him present

-Told me my due process didn't matter, that I can only change it if I had a letter saying I had already had SRS.

-Took my previous ID and voided it so I couldn't change my birth certificate

-Made me submit my ID as F

-Tell me my partner has to come in to correct his to F as well

This all happens very quickly, and I try to advocate for myself and lose. By the end of it, I am crying a bit and I mutter to myself "This is fucking insane".

This is the part that really fucked me up.

The manager stepped forward toward me, holding her hands in that defensive position, the one cops to do say 'I'm calm but prepared to use force', you know where they tilt their hips forward and rest their hands on the front of their belt. She tells me "I understand you're upset, but there is no swearing in here."

I am a nearly 30 year old MAN. And she is trying to tell me not to swear like I'm some teenager giving her lip.

"I'm not from here, this is just how I talk" I say, not yet realizing that she is trying to instigate. She prods this issue again, trying to detract me, trying to get me to cuss more. Trying to rile me up. I become quiet and still, thank them for their time and leave. She called me Sweetheart as I left.

And there is nothing I can do in this situation. Im dealing with cops in a red state. There's nothing I can do but cave to the authority because my plans are bigger than this. Because to further advocate is to put myself in danger and she made that very clear by drawing a line at me swearing. So I submit.

Submitting in a situation like this feels like your power is being taken from you. Like they are physically removing something from your arms and trying to get it back would be a major risk. It's not just that someone is stepping on me, it's that theyre telling me politely to get on the ground so I can be stepped on. It felt especially oppressive in this scenario, but it always feels like this. In the workplace, in social group, in family, a trans man is the least respectable thing you can be because not only are you a woman, but you're a crazy, damaged woman and if you're me you get ire for being a waste of a pretty face.

There's always a timeline too, it can be long or short but it always goes like this; People receive me initially with feigned tolerance and some mild comparisons to my partner's masculinity. Then they start poking and pushing and trying to see if I'm really a trans man in ways they think is subtle but to me is very unsubtle. Eventually, when they've disrespected me to the point of reacting emotionally, they act like they've gotten their gotcha moment because I've displayed the Ultimate Thing that makes you Not A Man: Tears. Most of them don't even need to get to there to conclude I'm a trender because well if I'm already almost 30 and haven't transitioned, I must not want it bad enough.

I'm sharing this story not just because it displays the intersections of being a trans man, how hard it is to obtain respect and how fragile that respect is, but also because I know there are guys out there who are like me. I see you, you with the puffy lips and round hips, you who can't transition right now, you who feels like he's waiting for a some day, for a time when it's just okay to exist out there and be treated with the basic fucking dignity of telling someone "Hi, I'm Dave" and having them reply without looking at your tits first. Who has beat himself up in the quiet hours for years for being too emotional, too feminine, feeling assaulted by the way the world wants to commodify your body and demonize your mind. You deserve to be seen and respected.

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the-bjd-community-confess · 4 months

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I joined the hobby with my sister in early 2003. We both got our first dolls at the same time but I hated my doll (she arrived blank) and I decided to not join the hobby because I hated the doll so much. My sister stayed active, but passed away in 2016, in which I got my first doll back when they were passing the inheritance and arranging everything. That was my reintroduction into the doll hobby, to connect with my sister in a way.

Enjoyed making friends with people in the community, generally found the community peaceful and positive. I liked playing and taking pictures of my dolls and was interested in trying OC and the biographies people posted because it looked fun.

in 2022 the rest of my family passed away in a car crash. Its been difficult for me to accept this and I keep going into states of "if this" or "if that", and I tried to connect to the hobby but I couldnt escape reality. It didnt help that my fathers side of the family were relentlessly trying to put a conservatorship on me, have me put in a mental hospital and seize control of me, my assets and finances forcing me to go to a psychiatrist and take medication just so I can have freedom and avoid them.

I decide to try and cheer myself by going to a doll event on holiday and get a chance on a doll that is coveted by a niche in the community, as in limited to a few dolls a year that you can only get in person in a certain location on certain dates by a lottery. This is a doll Ive been obsessed with getting, having won two YJA auctions for her (you arent supposed to buy them secondhand or sell them), only to have the sellers always refund the proxy. I won this doll, on my first lottery entry and I feel nothing.

I met two people and one was extremely kind, and the other that I thought I had a connection with was just disappointing to meet in person. Gossiping about people the whole time, including the person that was also there with us, always talking about why they were better than so and so because they did x. Talked about entering the lottery many times but always losing and not to get my hopes up because they dont pick nonresident foreigners. She also suggested I bring in someone to increase my chances, but I said I wanted to play fair and she shocked me when she said good answer; like it was a trick suggestion or she was waiting for an aha moment.

The pure anger on her face when I was called the winner, and then the comment about them picking the lottery winner like I was supposed to feel bad that I was picked instead of randomly chosen was weird to me. I just brushed it off as me being paranoid. Its not jealousy of the doll, but I think anger that they picked someone she saw as unworthy (me). She even called me a whale, but I just ignored the comment because I know Im not even remotely chubby back then.

Then she said something about how maybe this was the universe giving me a present because my whole family passed away a few months ago (at that time). This was the first time I told someone in the hobby about my familys passing and I felt completely emptied? deflated? by the comment. They may have not meant it to be negative, but I felt repulsed. TBH, I havent even taken the doll out of the box since getting her because I keep remembering that comment made. They probably didnt mean much, but it stuck to me. I cant even look at the doll's box without feeling sick. I just remembered this because its been a year + and I saw someone being annoyed that a oneoff winner didnt post an opening even though its been a few months, and now I feel worse because its been a year of her in the box.I was just waiting until I felt happy again so I can at least have the box opening be special. I dont know what to do because that comment; the universe giving me a doll in return of my whole family dying? I cant disassociate it and I wish I never met that person because I feel like it has made the doll hobby unenjoyable to me, but I also know its unreasonable to think this way because Ive met so many that are so nice and kind. I think Im reading into the comment more than its worth. I honestly feel pathetic for letting it affect me this much.

Sorry for writing all of this. I just wanted to get it out of my chest so I can maybe get back to normal. My friends dont like listening to this, because Im a man and am supposed to be more mature, and I also dont like holding on to anger, and I dont usually do, but I feel angry and sad all the time, when I know I should be grateful because I have a lot of blessings. Some might know who I am, and I hope they dont take it as a sign of me needing help, and more of just me venting if they read all of this, that my disinterest in a lot of things isnt them, its just Im not back to normal and I want to be.

~Anonymous

Mod: I'm so sorry anon, you've been through so much. 💗

This person sounds insecure and jealous and imo you should dismiss everything they said to you, it was not coming from a good place. You deserve to have joy and happiness in your life.

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #BJD Lottery

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lozplayer · 4 months

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twst incorrect quotes cut im bored

trey: Hi, I'm deuce's emergency contact. Counter Woman: You're here to pick them up? trey: I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.

floyd: jade, lilia keeps bullying me at school. jade: Ask your teacher for help. The next day… floyd, to their teacher: Will you help me beat up lilia?

kalim: Twilight Sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship— jamil, tied up: PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN! kalim: I'M NOT DONE! kalim: And Rainbow Dash was the sporty girl—

jack: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. yuu: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. jack: Th-that's not how that works-

epel is helping vil break out of prison epel: Sooo… Does this make us partners in crime? vil: Don’t push it. epel: Oh my gosh, we can be like Harley Quinn and the Joker! vil: If you don’t stop talking, they’re adding “murder” to the charges.

malleus: The time to act is now. malleus: Wink, wink. cater: Don't say "wink wink". Just wink. malleus: Oh, sorry. malleus: Wink.

riddle: You're alive. ace: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

kalim: running towards jamil with open arms jamil: moves out of the way kalim: Hey, why'd you move?! jamil: I thought you were going to attack me. kalim: I was going to hug you! jamil: Why would you hug me? kalim: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

ruggie: Hey, what’s your Netflix password? leona: ihopeyoudie ruggie: Thank you!

kalim: Operation no more distractions is a go! not even 10 seconds later kalim: Oh, look! A butterfly!

sam: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip! lilia: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill! yuu: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out! cater: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times! kalim: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up! jamil: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

lillia, explaining why they are not allowed to cook: I put the noodles in the pot and put the pot on the stove and turned the burner on high. Turns out you don't put noodles in marijuana and I almost burnt the whole house down.

crewel: I wish I was a dinosaur. kalim: Why? Cause they're big and scary? crewel: Because they're dead.

crewel: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

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alisria · 11 days

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i know i am just smad because im tired and in pain and havent eaten in 12 hours and have no plans to but

i think as i approach 30 i am really starting to lose my mind a little bit about how ive spent 27 years putting my life on hold until X. like oh i will go out and do new things when i have X. i cant enjoy travelling until i have X. i cant be happy until i have X. and like. X doesnt seem possible anymore. i dont have the willpower to make it happen. i dont care enough. because i never gave myself anything to care about because that was something that would come after X. well what the fuck do i do when X never comes? feel like this forever? because ive certainly been dealing with that reality my entire life. and i can look at my friends and see they dont need X to be happy and thats fine and im so glad for them and i dont WANT them to need X but i do.

and it's like. okay well if X is my obstacle, what are the steps i need to take to get X? okay well join your support groups. go to your doctor. get more doctors. beg for help with X from them. from your family. and then the support groups say "you dont want it enough", the doctors say "you shouldnt want X at all", and your family doesnt answer your pleas because what you want doesn't matter, you dont want it enough, you should be doing other things, etc. and it's like. all my life i have felt like an absolutely massive part of me is missing. and the only thing that will fix it is X. doctor will give you vyvanse. doctor will give you all the hormones you can dream of without you even fucking asking. doctor will offer gender affirming surgery you dont even want. but you beg for X, you beg for help just getting closer to X, you write out a page of reasons why X would get you closer to finally feeling like a real person, like yourself, a self you havent even fucking met yet at nearly 30 years old, and doctor goes "ehhh well you need to learn to be happy without X. because you can't have it." and its like well girl what the FUCK do i do because thats the only thing ive literally ever wanted and i've structured my entire life over the pipe dream of maybe having it someday and i CANT have anything else until i have X and they kind of shrug and give you another doctor that goes yeah no you dont get a diagnosis and nothing is wrong with you and i wont help you get X so no more appointments call me if you need me but doctor i am fucking pagliacci.

and there's that nagging thought, that if i get X, nothing will change. the support groups tell you this. nothing will change. you will still be socially inept, you will still be mentally ill with agoraphobia, you will still struggle every fucking day of your life with choices that tear you apart. and i can hear that for 10 years and still feel incomplete without it. i am defective goods and i need a part installed and people either say "well you dont need that part to work!" "you can be happy without the part!" "you can never have the part, even if you get it installed it will never work so why even bother?" and this is supposed to feel like support. this is supposed to be positivity. but it's not. maybe it is for other people. but it isnt for me. but i can have hormones if i want!!!!! here you can transition wont that make you feel better!!!!! wont that make you hate yourself less!!!!! have as many hormones as you want!!!!!!!

and on tuesday im going to go to the doctor and smile and say everythings great im fine physiotherapy is working the meds are working everything is perfect see you in 3 months when i am quite literally rotting inside and there is no cure

im going to bed

#not looking for advice or consolation or anything like that i am just frustrated and upset and tired #and at the end of my rope. thanks #i will be fine tomorrow after i sleep and take vyvanse so i dont feel so fucking hungry anymore #sick to my fucking stomach lmao

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bellaswansong · 5 months

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hey guys is it just me or have we all been interpreting "never love an anchor" completely wrong this whole time? i finally gave in and listened to it a while back, and yeah, its super good (it gets stuck in my head all the time) but i think it's actually about something else

the line that stuck with me was "never tied your shoes." it just seemed a little out of place for the romantic reading of the song. now im not great at interpreting the entire meaning of a song just from listening to it, so i looked up the lyrics and it just made me even more sure

let's start with the last two stanzas:

"you are someone i have loved but never known" doesn't seem to me like it fits a romantic relationship very well; i realise that you can feel like you dont know someone if theyre super closed off, but the rest of the song seems like the singer is apologising for being closed off or inaccessible or not allowing someone to love them, and if we take it as the person being too closed off to get to know, this feels like a break from the previously described dynamic, as if the singer is reversing their positions.

"never soothed your fevers," "never tied your shoes," "never held you gently," all of these are things that parents do. "never had the chance to lose you" also just doesn't make sense if the feelings are romantic, because even if you never express your feelings for someone it still feels like a loss when you lose them.

and if we apply this parenthood interpretation to "you are someone i have loved but never known," it almost seems like the singer is talking about a child who died or a pregnancy they aborted, but the next stanza contradicts that by addressing the child as if they are still alive and able to interact with others; "i am all the things they might've said to you."

so i think this is about giving a child up for adoption.

the rest of the song still makes sense, too. here's the first two stanzas:

"it's a secret i keep tucked inside my chest" - it is so so so common for women who give up a child for adoption to keep it a secret from family and future partners. my grandmother had a child between marriages, gave it up for adoption, and then listed it as a past stillbirth on the birth certificates of all her kids after that.

"with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful" - regret is one of the most COMMON things people talk about feeling when they miss their chance to confess to a romantic interest. this line does not fit with that interpretation, but it does fit with the adoption idea. the narrator is not remorseful because they know this was the best option for the child.

"i couldn't bring myself to hold you" this one just hurts man

and finally the middle stanza, which i think is the most ambiguous, but also hits the hardest when you have this meaning in mind:

(umbilical cord metaphor btw)

ok thats all. sorry about your ships but i think this song is about putting your newborn child up for adoption

#the crane wives #never love an anchor #trafficblr #the first draft of this post was just 'imagine giving a child up for adoption and then listen to never love an anchor again.'#'maybe youll get it this time'#but that seemed too mean lol #what the spork? im speakin here!

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never-wednesday · 10 months

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Hey its a Lil late in the month but this disability pride month I wanna talk about long covid. I also have chronic pain and all sorts of worms in my brain but I've been dealing with that forever. So we're talking about the new stuff. Putting a readmore because I'm talking about what my experience being sick with covid was like and it's probably unpleasant to read.

It's December of 2022 and I work retail while I'm home from school for winter break. I mask up every time I leave the house, including for work. My parents don't. My father talks about covid not being a big deal. He caught it last year and it was a mild cold for him. He says "i ate lunch with someone who had covid last week and im fine!" My mother catches covid a week after that conversation. I test and am seemingly fine despite symptoms of a cold, and then three days later (one of those days was a full 8hr shift at work where I was worn ragged because it's almost christmas. I also got heat exhaustion because the AC was busted and I live in TX.) I feel the worst I have felt in ages. My mom insists that my dad takes me to get tested for the flu, and I schedule a covid test while I'm at it. My covid test comes back positive.

For the next week I am bedbound, only able to sit up enough to try to eat something and only able to stand up long enough to get myself to and from the bathroom. I sleep through the days when I can get the dayquil down, and cough through the nights when I can't get the nyquil down. I hallucinate when im tired. One of those nights I swear I talk to god. My brain is fogged and it hurts to breathe. I am worried I will need to be hospitalized because I can't seem to keep any water in my system. It's a miracle that I can write instructions for my father to cook ramen for me. I can only drink the broth. One morning I try to take dayquil to soothe my throat and I vomit. My stomach is empty and I stand over the sink wretching.

It feels like a miracle when I recover. Christmas day my symptoms mostly clear up and I'm able to sit up long enough to use my computer, something I was unable to do for the past week. I test negative, my second best Christmas present that year. The first is the Elden Ring soundtrack on vinyl. I am elated that I made it put the other end.

A week later my friend comes from a few cities away to visit for a few days. We go shopping one afternoon, spend a few hours standing around at the local game store looking at dice and miniature plastic dragons. We get home at 6pm. I collapse into bed and wake up 3 hours later. I talk to my doctor about it in January, she says it should go away over time. Six months maximum.

I spend my spring semester exhausted. I start using a cane to make sure I can walk across campus. I'm thankful that many of my friends are also disabled because they understand when I need to ask people to slow down, or bail because of my fatigue. Many of the abled people in my life do not understand. One day I go out to a museum, a thing I am excited to do. When I get home at 4pm I make myself popcorn, then collapse into bed. I can't walk to the sink without my cane, I can barely get out of bed. This is what I have to adjust to.

Six months pass. The fatigue is not gone. I am home for summer break, and I try talking to my parents about my fatigue. They don't understand. I talk to my doctor. She is convinced it's depression symptoms. My mental health is largely the best it's been in years- I've been in treatment for months now and it is helping.

It's been about seven months now. I am not receiving treatment, nor will my doctor acknowledge that I have long covid. She has relented into testing for physical things. I got a CT scan, and have a sleep study scheduled for when I get back from visiting family in August. Depending on what these turn up and how my doctor reacts I am preparing to find a new doctor. I am not excited about this, because I like my doctor. But if she refuses to acknowledge that what has happened to me is likely covid and therefore will not treat me I will find someone else.

I don't really have a moral here beyond please mask up, get vaccinated, etc. Even if covid doesn't fuck you up it might fuck up someone you pass it to. Or even worse, it can kill the immunocompromised people around you. Please have compassion for the people around you. My father, who is a loving and caring man, brought this illness home to me. It wasn't out of malice, but it still has affected my life for probably the rest of my life.

#disability pride month #disability #covid #covid isn't over #disabled #okay to rb #lyra.txt

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