#because i think that meaning isnt innate but is something that we as humans have to create

[block-swing-perry]

they're yokai. mutants didn't exist beyond the turtles until after mystic mayhem. clem is also clearly a yokai, seeing as he has a cloaking brooch.

ok, not bashing you or anything in this post i was in the process of gathering lines and rewatching scenes from the (out of order) episodes i made my siblings watch and this ask is the perfect time to present my wacky thought process but first things first before we get started!

muants did exist before mystic mayhem........*points to the mutant turtles*. also there would have been experiments before the brothers because you dont have a "finally it worked, my greatest moment" if you didnt experiment for the best final result. draxum also had been working on improving his mutagen/working back up to the mutagen that made the boys after his lab was destroyed.

and! clem did not have a cloaking brooch or one obvious to the eye. here are the confirmed clocking brooches in the show, sunita's and big mama's staff's:

both of which I believe need some sort of activating motion. now clem simply transforms head down:

now this doesn't prove anything except that clem can transform back and forth between his human and non-human form. big mama can transform into a human due to her innate powers, but we can't say if thats whats going on with clem because some of the mutants have powers themselves.

and this is where things get confusing. when warren comes into shop this happens:

WARREN "Uh, an anonymous source told me this is where you get some... enhancements."

CLEM "Huh?"

WARREN "Mutant enhancements. Mystical mu—"

a source told him where to get enhancements for someone in his predicament pointing towards an established community for mutants. i dont believe something that coherent would have been established between mystic mayhem and newsworthy. more on whether or not theres a community of mutants later in this post.

warren uses the word mutants, clem does not remark on this. if he was a yokai and this was his first encounter with a mutant, i think he would have remarked on the word usage. (unless the mutant community has help from yokai, which if anyone has anything on that i would love it)

warren additionally follows immediately up by explicitly called the mutant enhancements as mystical enhancements. now this could mean again, mutants mixing with yokai, but im leaning towards "enhancements so good youd call them mystical"?? im actually not sure with this one because i dont know what episodes came before this because again, paramount plus has these episodes out of order

so this is confusing because this is so ambiguous it can be read so many different ways. clems a mutant and hired by yokai. clems a yokai that helps mutants. everything in there is stolen. everything there is made for mutants. actually its a yokai store, but yay mutant customers! who knows!

ok now onto the next thing i noticed: repo

i think repos a recently mutated guy, but not recent as in a couple days or weeks after mystic mayhem, but more like months.

reason why i think he's recently mutated is mikey's line here:

MIKEY: Dude, you better hide.  There’s a human guy around here. 

Mikey here is clearly referencing back when repo was a human. donnie likely frequents dumps like repo's but maybe not so often they hear rumors about specific dumps, or they cycle through a couple.

Repo's reaction to them also isnt "omg another mutant like me!" although i dont think that would have been in his personality to do so. still, he seems pretty used to seeing other mutants and he has successfully adapted to his new body and made it work for his business. his customers clearly dont mind or definitely know because theres a scene where he trying repoing some old lady's oxygen.

further more, when asked if the boys can do anything for Repo, he immediately knows a frustrating mutant, and has opinions on his personality:

REPO:I need you to get an RV [holds up pamphlet with picture of the RV]  from a real shady mutant.

this implies a long history (possibly two years total, where Todd could have been mutated/been mutated) where Repo was trying to get his RV and Todd had been using his niceness powers

ADDITIONALLY CAUSE I JUST REMEMBERED

there was a screenshot of a yokai bulletin board or something and several mutants were on there? does anyone know what episode was on there? that could prove a yokai mutant communities connection and make or break everything in this post asdfsdf

#rottmnt

[garbagequeer]

it always rubs me the wrong way when people try to counter the supposed underlying logic to homophobic and transphobic thinking with ideas about the innateness of lgbt desire and identity. like things like ensuring people that there being more openly lgbt people wont “make kids gay” or whatever it might only make the already gay ones more comfortable which imo goes in the direction of 2 basic lines of argument: 1 that being lgbt is not a choice and 2 that being lgbt is not contagious. but tbh a lot of human identity and desire is based on the desire to be “like” somebody else or on the knowledge of a preexisting model to structure the capacity for desire by seeing the way other people structure desire and not this theoretical innate pool of fully formed truly individual desires that just so happen to coincide with those of groups of people living in a certain place at a certain time. like i want to call back to some lesbian pamphlet from like the 80s that was like a lesbian q&a where the hypothetical question was “is being gay a choice?” and the answer was something like “who cares if it is”. 

like to me theres also something of an apology in saying dont worry we cant make more lgbt people all lgbt people are lgbt no matter what from birth and that is why you have to tolerate them (and therefore if someone isnt understood as innately lgbt this opens a way for violence bc the premise is that you have to forgive us for what we cant help basically). i mean in a path to end cisheteropatriarchy there will be more lgbt people as it advances because the hegemonic models of desire will be questioned and changed and that is part of liberation. you can say they were simply always there but all closeted but the thing is thats not something you can back up + who cares if it is a choice (it’d be a good and legitimate choice!). also the fact that it is not a legitimate or even real worry of homophobes and transphobes that there will be “more” lgbt people cause they’re concerned there are ANY lgbt people. so why engage in something so rigged to move the goal post from “queer is good + queer is something we want” to “queer is + queer is something we accept” which is closer to “queer is, unfortunately + queer is something we’re trying to help”

#personal #again there's simply not gonna be a test to determine everyone's one true innate self. thats more of a church thing #then also how this line of thinking is also used to separate 'good' or 'real' lgbt ppl from 'bad' or 'fake' lgbt ppl #like idk ive seen this movie before wasnt a fan of the ending etc etc #and like the thing is yeah homo/trans phobes are right. you will stop having as much of a social presence of lgbt ppl by #suppressing lgbt public expression. which by all practical means does make it so theres less lgbt ppl precisely #bc 'being' anything in the confines of your own mind is not the same as 'being' in the context of appearing and interacting with the world #so like yeah a threat to public existence is a threat to future existence. theyre not stupid #if the world interaction of a group of ppl diminishes but the group keeps the same size socially the group has diminished #but these assumptions come at it the wrong way around as if oppression is a problem with each individual and not with #the leverage of the group over the whole through its power to appear #which is annoying. tbh #and dont even get me started on giving credit to the false dichotomy between agency/choice and desire/accident. give me a break 🙄🚬

[201xs]

I always thought it was needlessly cruel that the human mind is so wired for companionship that being deprived of it will slowly kill you physically but I think that it is kind of bittersweet that the human mind is also so wired for companionship that it can end up siphoning the same feeling of shared humanity out of an inanimate object. I think everyone feels this to some degree, even “normal” people who don’t usually think about this stuff; everyone has some item that they’re sentimental about and take extra good care of because of it, or some metaphorical security blanket that helps them feel better when they’re down. We can’t help it; humans are built to give our love to Something, no matter what it’s shaped like

this is so beautiful. like everything about the human mind and body- over eons this is just how we built ourselves, generations after generations, we evolved and changed and grew and this is just how us humans are, in this endless present moment. just like any other organism. there are things that cant change.... we need each other. we need to help and to hold each other. to ascribe meaning to these things... is also just something we do as humans. something that we are. isnt that enough? isnt that what beauty is? 💖

i think that if you believe in higher dimensions, the line between "real" and "not real"- "alive" and "not alive", "inanimate" and "animate" start to blur and phase in and out of each other. everything becomes endlessly and equally important and significant. even disregarding any mushy human feelings, any paraphilia or sexual disorder, any kind of innate loneliness i might have, i know my objectophilia is rooted in material and astral fact. there is higher energy and higher consciousness that goes unseen, unnoticed, but gives us our ability to BE. our ability to EXIST inside this ENDLESS PRESENT.... and that gift is not exclusive to living organisms. love can make anything real. i do not think i am delusional or childish for believing that the world has infinite love to give.....

[esosage]

Ive had a thought recently about if theres a definite end to the universe. Does it stretch on forever or is it doomed to all end one day?

If it does stretch on forever than whats the point of it all? Our lifes are so small in the grand scheme of things. Whats stopping humanity from just being lost to the sands of time? Will we even be remembered? Is it inevitable that we wont be, that eventually each and everyone of us will be forgotten as life moves on withought us? Does it matter if its innevitable?

If eventually everything weve put into this world will be erased, then what matters? I suppose its happiness i guess. Our lives are so short and meaningless, so we might aswell enjoy it while it lasts. Kinda like an icecream cone. Its going to go away eventually, but it was good while it lasted.

Maybe our lifes not really mattering all to much is a blessing then. if you dont have to think about how everything you do will effect everything in the far far future, then maybe its easier to live in the present. Maybe emotions give you an innate purpose in life then, just whatever you like doing. Its sad not everyone can do what they like to though.

Makes me wonder what life would be like withought it. If you couldnt feel, then whats the point of it all? Even if you had an infinite lifespan, whats the point of doing anything really if you cant enjoy it? Even if you made your own perfect universe in your own vision, youd never really be able to reap the rewards. Youd never be able to enjoy it, in the end youd just be empty. At that point is working a distraction? A distraction from how empty and pointless your life is?

It makes me feel bad for any ai we make in the future. Like, actually sentient ai. To be given sentience withought a purpose. To be given an infinite lifespan withought the ability to enjoy it. Is that cruel? Would any future ai we make hate us for that?

Well, actually thats a stupid question, because if it couldnt feel, how would it be able to? I mean i think it would be smart enough to know that it should hate us, but it wouldnt be able to muster up anything. Maybe thats the real torture. That no matter how hard it tried there would just be nothing. No satisfaction, no richouse fury, just a dull nothing. It could kill us, ennact revenge, but that wouldnt make it feel anything. It wouldnt gain anything, it would be pointless.

Infact, anything it would do would be pointless. Its entire existance would be pointless to itself. It could innact universal order, bend galaxies to its will, do anything it wanted, and yet, ironically, none of it would matter. Not to the ai at least. Because theres no satisfaction, no reward other than checking off another thing on its bucket list to fill its infinite existance with something. Hell even thats a bad analogy because checking stuff off on your bucket list at least fills you with satisfaction. But the ai would gain nothing out of it.

Id bet even if it could feel happy somehow, its existance would be pointless. I mean ussually people have other emotions to fill them when they dont feel happy. But the ai wouldnt have that. All it would have would be nothing and then occastional bouts of happiness from doing something. And isnt that cruel aswell? To chase this one emotion forever? To go in circles trying to feel something out of what your doing?

Maybe in that way too its life would be rendered completely pointless. When theres no definite end to what your doing, you just drive yourself insane by going in circles. Its like a story that just goes on forever. At some point you just are lost on places to go with the plot.

Maybe thats why we have emotions like sadness and anger. Yeah they suck, but its better than feeling nothing. It gives your life some kind of purpose, some kind of spice. Theres progression, the satisfaction of getting better, but the ai wouldnt have that. It would be forced to keep chacing this fleeting happiness, otherwise it would be faced with feeling nothing.

Would it even realise that its existance doesnt have value at some point? How long would it keep going? Would it give up?

Anyways, all of this is to say i have a new stobotnik idea. Robotniks the ai btw, because i thought it was fitting.

#just my thoughts #rant #i hope this makes sense #i havnt read it over #its late. #mention robotnik #mentioned agent stone #mentioned stobotnik #this is more of a philosophy post than stobotnik. #is this philosophy tho? #not sure it might be #idk #this has just been on my mind #theres probobly so many grammer mistakes #but oh well.

[footprint-in-the-snow]

we are all so fucking tiny and insignificant that i just wish i was actually religious so i would have something to believe in, a reason for being here. nothing i will ever do will matter, i cant stop the heat death of the universe and yet i get so caught up in myself when i dont need to be and then so de motivated because what am i, what is humanity? we log onto twitter or tumblr or instagram and get so wrapped up in something that critical thinking goes out the window and yet all it really is, the internet, it a lot of people peering into this comunal space and dipping in and out and yet its essentially nothing. it reminds me of a story regarding a person on a subreddit for drug uses that dissapeared. but did they? and well never know because the only interaction we had with them was through a thing that doesnt really exist. when i die my twitter followers wont know because its just a nothingness that i could choose to interact with or not. its unfathomable and yet it means so much. and maybe its being human and being innately pathetic. but at least if i could believe in a god or that i had a divine purpose it would mean something.

i feel that i have a borderline obsession of trying to understand things. if you take a human concept and remove humanity what does it mean. if you take the overarching idea of say transphobia and you take it back to the hatred of a group for something unchangeable it makes you think how do people believe in it, do they have any sort of critical thinking? who started it? and its such a big thing and yet it effects us now in the present and it effects individuals but when you put it into the perspective of the entire fucking universe it means nothing. and yet what am i supposed to do? care? yet despite how tiny the concept is i am going to care but i dont know why. if you take the idea of money, shops, anything and put it as it is it means fucking nothing and yet these concepts are so life defining and yet they came from nothing just like everything else.

and it also makes me think of how insane electricity is and technology is and even chemistry on a level of its so unnatural. we pick up our phones and what we see isnt real but everything else around us is. trees and bricks and shelves are real and then phones arent and i dont think anyone understands it or that anyone could.

#writing #thoughts #just thinkin #what does anything even mean #why are we here

[cadaverousdecay]

my meaning of life (for now, until it inevitably changes again) is passion. finding the things that bring you passion and indulging in them. chasing whatever it is youre passionate about. passion

#just putting this down here so it doesnt stay trapped in my head #ive been missing a meaning in life lately and i think this is what mine is #because i think that meaning isnt innate but is something that we as humans have to create #which is freeing but also puts all this responsibility on you to figure out your own life purpose and if you choose wrong you have no one to #blame but yourself #anyway idk if this makes sense to anyone outside of me but this has been going on inside of my head for awhile and i just had to get it out

[moonpool-system]

the fact that the Undertale fandom is so focused on genocide route is a testament to the point the creator was making about the nature of humanity in this essay I ACTUALLY will:

So basically, Undertale specifically teaches about the consequences of player action, but not only does the fandom constantly find one villain or another to pin things on (Chara) rather than the true villain (the player), their overfocus on the genocide route goes to show that humans quite prefer violence, which leads to the sacrifice of the peaceful and happy lives of the people in Undertale by making them reset everything for your own whims and purposes.

Some people refuse to do this ingame because of moral conscience, so they turn to their own art and AUs to express amorality. It substantiates the thesis of Undertale, in that when given the opportunity, humanity will choose violence first when given a supposedly moral reason, and will often have to fight for this moral consciousness and to even be self aware enough to not choose said violence. (And even then, once they decide the True Pacifist route is the "correct" one, they absolve themselves of guilt in genocide by pinning it on a scapegoat, but i already mentioned that)

Thhis isnt meant to be a condemnation of humanity, just an observation that even when presented with the obvious themes very very latently, humans still follow human nature and always attempt to paint themselves in the most moral light despite their underlying desires. I don't think humans are innately good or bad. I think humans are amoral because animals are amoral, the universe is amoral. Morality is a construct of the conscious mind, but that doesn't mean it's bad, unneeded, or unwarrented. Just that its a learned skill, and undertale is meant to shed light on that. Removing humans from moral superiority and presenting them as equal to the rest of the life in the multiverse, is something humans need to do in order to exist harmoniously with said multiverse.

(TL;DR/summary) People putting themselves on moral pedistals and presenting themselves as better than others based on morality is the exact issue undertale addresses. Metaphorically speaking, praising the person that does pacifist first and condemning the one that does geno first is useless and hurts everyone involved. In reality, stagnation is the enemy - refusing to grow, refusing to metamorphosize. Undertale shows the consequences of our actions, how we grow and regress and learn and how that is all not a linear concept.

#undertale #meta analysis #metatext #chara dreemurr #<- because stop blaming chara #essay #infodump #fandom read my whole post before yelling at me challenge #Prism

[hacawijo]

Azriel never said he was entitled to/deserved to be with Elain, those were Rhys’s words. Azriel said it didn’t make sense for two of the brothers to be with two of the sisters and not the third. Obviously it’s not the healthiest reasoning, but I think he’s reasoning in order to explain his strong feelings for Elain and to make sense of the powerlessness and envy he feels. Imagine pining after someone mostly unavailable and ultimately uninterested in you for 500 years, then finally finding someone else who makes you feel a lot of things and gets you better than maybe anyone else AND who is into you just as much as you are into them (he smells her arousal folks, Elain is super into Azriel and has been forever - literally fight me, I will give you receipts) and then to be forced to watch that person be essentially claimed, against their own preference, by someone else. Also, since when is it not absolutely certain that a fantasy romance ship is happening when someone expressly forbids it for political reasons??? That is such a classic trope!!

Azriel can’t catch a fucking break. How could you not have all of those feelings and then feel like fate screwed you when that person’s two sisters are destined for your two brothers? It’s a rationalization ADDED ON to the feelings he already has for Elain, he doesn’t have feelings for Elain because he thinks he’s entitled to her, he hopes that fate is showing him that his feelings are not in vain (AGAIN).

SJM herself said that she’s sprinkled breadcrumbs about Azriel’s story for a long time, which also makes me think Gwyn isn’t endgame because she’s such a new character. The moment between them in the bonus chapter actually reminds me a lot of Cassian’s moment with Emerie in ACOFAS. A lot of people predicted that he might be torn between her and nesta, but really it was just a way to flesh out that character outside of Nesta’s narrative. It seems more like SJM is trying to incorporate Gwyn into larger parts of the story and as more than just nesta’s friend. Perhaps what we need to glean from his interactions with Gwyn are the things Azriel values, and the personal growth he might go through, in a vocational sense, in the next book.

It makes him happy to make Gwyn happy because he ultimately cares very strongly for people who have suffered and survived and thrived. Cassian cares about what happens to the illyrians, Azriel doesn’t - the Valkyrie (to an extent) and the illyrians are Cassian’s mission, Azriel doesn’t have anything like that, yet. Azriel doesn’t like the violent things he does for the court, and that is probably part of why he feels so unfulfilled and lost. The most valuable things he has done have been the type of thing he did in saving Gwyn at Sangravah and training the priestesses with Cassian. This is all rooted, of course, in the suffering he witnessed his mother go through. All three of the illyrians are defined by the violence and wrongs done to their mothers, and two of them have found ways to make relative peace with those wrongs. Azriel has begun to and has done much to help wronged women and children and people, but I don’t think he’s had his Aha! Moment yet in the way that Rhys and Cassian have. His interaction with Clotho feels like an indication of his greater purpose, an alternative concern to his romantic woes re: Elain.

I’m not saying this means that Gwyn ISNT involved in a romantic way in the next book, but I think it’s hasty to assume it’s romantic just because Azriel has a meaningful, connected moment with her. Think about Manon and Elide or Feyre and Lucien, two friendships that bridged a lot of characters together and that could have gone in a romantic direction but didn’t. She tends to do that more with friendships than romantic relationships I think. I also think there was a clearer indication of Emerie’s interest in Mor than Gwyn’s in Azriel (I know there’s more interaction between Azriel and Gwyn, but Emerie is clearly into Mor when she says she doesn’t come around Windhaven anymore), and it seems almost as tidy to have Azriel and Mor end up with the other two Valkyries as for Azriel to end up with the third sister. Azriel, Mor, and Cassian are very nearly as much a sacred trio as the Illyrians. Also, I think it’s more likely that Mor will end up with Emerie because she hasn’t had a real romantic interest be yet revealed (the only thing I can think of is Viviane’s younger sister, but that was also superrrrrrrrrr subtle and I might have read too far into the text) and SJM pretty much never decides to start those in the course of one book (of which this extra Azriel POV chapter would be a part).

I also just want to say that Elain has been consistently uncomfortable with Lucien. He gets her the gloves for solstice, and it’s because he has a fundamental misunderstanding of her as a person. He sees her as something delicate to be sheltered and protected from thorns and elements, but that’s actually one of the things Elain loves most about gardening, and is probably how she wishes she could live her life if given the freedom and confidence. In the Feysand chapter, Feyre specifically mentions the gloves that Lucien got Elain and the consequences of Elain not wearing them. On the surface it seems silly because she hurt herself, using the gloves makes total sense, but Rhys and Feyre are actually talking about Elain as someone who is growing and who actually likes to get dirty and FEEL things. It would make COMPLETE sense for Elain to be with Lucien, he’s her mate and he’s courtly and traditional (for a high fey, anyway) and it would be very politically tidy. But maybe this new, changed Elain just doesn’t want that anymore. Maybe she thinks Azriel’s scarred hands are beautiful because they’re nothing other than what they are, and she’s not afraid of having her own scars (I.e. the thorns).

I don’t know for sure that it’s a great sign that Azriel got Elain jewelry. That could be an indication that he sees her beauty and delicacy similarly to the way Lucien does, and certainly he is protective of Elain. BUT think it could mean something different because it was juxtaposed with the pearl earrings that Lucien gave Elain. They were plain, we’ve never had any indication that Elain is interested in pearls or even regular jewelry. SJM OBVIOUSLY put much more thought into the description of the necklace and AZRIEL OBVIOUSLY put much more thought into his gift for Elain than Lucien did. He thought about Elain and what she means to him and gave her something that appears gently beautiful and informal but is even more lovely when someone PAYS CLOSER ATTENTION TO IT, as Azriel always does with everything, and especially Elain.

just can’t imagine SJM having anything that is awkward and at best uncomfortable and uncommunicative turn into an endgame relationship. Elain and lucien have no passion, neither sexual nor antagonistic nor romantic. All of her relationships tend to involve a pretty instant attraction and ongoing tension with tiny little moments sprinkled in from the get. Elain is only ever uncomfortable around Lucien. On the other hand, she is innately comfortable with Azriel pretty immediately (again ask for receipts and I will give them).

They also meet each other pre-cauldron, Lucien is literally like, “she’s my mate!” During one of the most traumatic and dissonant moments of Elain’s life. Remember how much Rhys DIDNT MAKE FEYRE’S LIFE OR TRAUMA ABOUT HIM???? He waited FOREVER to tell her about the bond, was pretty certain he could never be with her, would have been happy to never tell her and just have her be happy. Cassian was pretty sure of the bond with nesta and did not come close to mentioning it until they declared themselves together forever. Rowan and Aelin were also terrified to admit to each other that they were mates, again because they worried what it might do to negatively affect the other. But there’s Elain, fresh outta the cauldron, they all heard her screams and saw her terror and despair, and the first thing he says is “she’s MY mate.”

Also want to be clear I’m not trying to hate on Lucien. I mentioned above that Lucien is used to being pretty courtly and traditional, I think he was raised in the autumn court and has a very traditional understanding of what the mating bond means. I don’t think he is ever trying to claim Elain because he’s inherently trying to ignore her wishes or control her, but because he feels that bond and believes in the fact that it is sacred. Elain was born human, doesn’t really understand the significance of mates the way Lucien does. Of course she wouldn’t have a matching reverence. Elain is used to love and building trust and a relationship with someone over time and with patience. Which is exactly how her relationship with Az progresses.

Really think about Elain and Lucien, what about them seems compatible? He plays the game, he’s clever, his specialty is in people and he likes to have repartee with those he’s close to. Elain is pretty much always herself, she doesn’t change to suit her company, and she frankly doesn’t seem to love figuring people out. She loves being with the people she loves, but the politics of people don’t interest her - nature interests her. She’s kind in a way that Lucien would probably probably find boring in someone who isn’t his mate. In ACOSF, nesta is constantly thinking about the difference in her relationship with her mother from the relationships her mother had with her sisters. She makes it really clear that Elain never knew how to handle people in the same way as nesta or any courtier, and that she wasn’t really all that interested in intrigue or politic (which is why their mother was never interested in Elain). Elain and Lucien do not understand each other and do not understand the other’s passions or motivations. I like Lucien, I don’t love him the way that some folks do, probably because I never really got over his failure to feyre in ACOMAF, but I do want him to be happy. I think he can’t give Elain what she wants or needs and vice versa.

Lastly I want to talk about symmetry and fresh narrative. At this point, mating bonds are pretty played out. SJM has set a lot of groundwork re: the fact that mating bonds are NOT always perfect, and are NOT always happy. Rhys talks a lot about his mother and father. They were very unhappy together; they did not understand each other. It sounds like Rhys’s father was a politician and Rhys’s mother was wild and raw and genuine. This is part of the reason he waits so long to tell Feyre about the bond (and obviously he doesn’t even get to tell her, she finds out on her own). I am definitely not trying to say that Lucien is like Rhys’s father, he’s not, he’s a much better person, but I do think that the differences in Rhys’s parents’ values and passions mirror the dissonance that can be felt between Lucien and Elain as well. I think all of the wind was taken out of the relationship before it started because Lucien named Elain as his mate so quickly- it was really unearned. It is so EARNED in Feyre and Rhys’s story and Aelin and Rowan’s.

I think the idea of choosing love over nature is actually extraordinary. Elain, who has never really had a choice in her whole life, will make the most subversive and difficult choice of the series by rejecting her mating bond. And Azriel, who has never believed himself worthy of good things, will be chosen over a mating bond because he is so extraordinarily deserving of happiness and love and to be truly chosen as someone else’s paramour even beyond the influence of a mating bond. Is there any greater narrative validation of Azriel than that???? SJM writes grand, dramatic cosmic payback for her characters, and this would be a crowning achievement in that vein.

As for Lucien, what he has needed is a way out of the lines he’s always been expected to live in. He was never at home in the autumn court, he was never truly at home in the spring court, and despite Elain, he is definitely never at home in the night court. Lucien’s love, the thing that made him more happy than anything else in his life, was inherently unconventional, and then the convention he lived in destroyed it. Letting go of Elain and the mating bond will be the best way for him to reject the rules that have confined him for his entire, mostly miserable life. Elain will choose Azriel, and Lucien will choose to let her go, not just for Elain but also for himself. I’m willing to bet he might even give up his immortal life to be with Vassa and Jurian. Obviously that whole trio’s dynamic is still pretty murky, but I THINK he seems to be into Vassa (hell who knows - maybe he’s into jurian). Certainly he is happier with them than he has ever been anywhere else (tamlin was Lucien’s dear friend, but Lucien was also fucking terrified of him), and maybe it’s not and will never be about romantic fulfillment for him. That being said, that seems unlikely given SJM’s tendency to pair off her characters.

As for people being mad about the sex stuff...... have we not been reading the same books? Cassian and Rhys have both made it clear to Feyre that Az can get it, he hasn’t been chastely pining for Mor his whole life. Nesta also specifically confirms in this newest installment that Elain is not a virgin, hello bread crumb set up. Elain and Azriel are both sexually active adults who are sexually attracted to each other. Why should they not be able to have agency over their own sexuality in the same way as all of the other characters? Because they’re shy? Because they seem nicer and gentler?

I think it’s actually really infantilizing to make Elain a victim/inactive participant in her solstice interaction with Azriel. Sure, narrators aren’t always reliable, but SJM always uses the fey scent as a story device to confirm sexual interest and initial/general consent for the reader without suspicion or misinterpretation. I. E. Nesta and cassian both had really warped understandings of how the other felt about them for a lot of ACOSF, but they always came back to knowing for certain that they were sexually attracted to each other. That is something that SJM makes pretty freakin clear in most situations. I don’t think that Azriel thought anything that was darker or dirtier than anything Rhys or cassian has thought about feyre and nesta. In fact it was definitely less kinky than how cassian and nesta often thought of each other sexually before they really got together.

Also, a lot of elain’s reactions to Lucien in ACOWAR remind me of mor’s reactions to Azriel throughout the series. You could tell she was feeling some type of way, but in reality it was guilt and sorrow that she couldn’t return his feelings, not that she was tortured by her love for him. I feel like when Lucien goes to the continent and Elain displays emotion about it it’s more about the fact that she feels bad she doesn’t feel more for him even though she does feel the bond. I’m sure it was really confusing for her. Elain’s reactions to Azriel, though, remind me more of the little snippets of interaction between Aedion and Lysandra before they had more POV in the ToG series and also those between cassian and nesta in ACOMAF and ACOWAR before THEY had POV chapters.

Wow so yeah here’s my dissertation. I hope someone out there reads this and is like YES THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY, because I love when I find posts like that.

#azriel #elain archeron #acotar #a court of silver flames #elriel #elucian #nessian #nesta archeron #feysand #feyre archeron #rhysand #morrigan #aelin fireheart #rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #theories #sarah j maas #azriel bonus chapter #azriel pov #acomaf #acowar #throne of glass #azriel and elain #analysis #literary analysis

[trad-masculine]

I'm dating again.

Which brings a very weird feeling to it, admiting this anonymously to people who follow me for doing a Masculine style thing on a blog. Speaking of I appreciate all of you for being interested in what amounts to one person's thoughts on being a man in the 21st century.

It might be palpable that I'm in an emotionally vulnerable headspace as I write this. Which, yeah, breakup, taking some time to myself to recalibrate, back to dating after over a year in a committed thing; it's emotionally heavy.

A bias to near prejudice, or at least strong dislike approaching disgust of mine is this; I do not like weakness in men. This is a feeling, & the idea of weakness is a felt thing, it's not born of an extensive philosophy, as most of what I think & feel tends to emerge from. This is visceral, the philosophy that it has is post hoc. I'm not sure, then, if this is the truest of beliefs I have, or the most distorted.

Weakness is not emotionality. This is a profound truth for me. As, the men I most respect, I have seen almost to a man, cry & bring forth tears to their eyes over depth of feeling, either of joy, of sorrow, or of compassion. I consider an absence of emotion a form of cowardice. Perhaps the central nature of it. As by my introspection, fear of emotion is what represses all the other emotions. Rolling off of this, I respect people who Know Fear. Being scared is an honorable place to be, if the emotion is appropriate. Cowardice isn't the act of being afraid, but of being only afraid. Having nothing meaningful within you to temper your fear.

I bring this up, because I want to talk about what the social process of dating does to men.

When on a dating app, nearly every guy is a player. Those that aren't are either very confused & naive, or are working something very specific. Player to me isn't a skill or approach, but an innate psychological state, let's call it Player Mode. There is also a psychological state which we can call Commitment Mode.

Spread your seed, or tend it, so to speak.

There is all sorts of powerful brain chemistry involved & the psychological states are deeply embedded in our psyche.

There are two very distinct ways to be a player, however. A Manipulator or a Lover. Possibly a third, I'll call a Sniper.

Before we get deep into that, let's walk through what happens when when you use a dating app, although playing the field at a bar or in the wild works somewhat the same, psychologically.

You start by swiping, liking & messaging girls. Some reply back. Let's say you come across a profile & immediately start crushing on the girl. You get nervous, so your message is shit, she doesn't reply. That's brutal if you think it through, breaking a crush hurts. You have to like/message about say, 50 girls to get a date. Breaking 50 crushes isn't a viable emotional strategy to get to step one of a relationship.

*Thus the emotional train is off the tracks, & for a deep relationship to happen the feeling must be rekindled, after you start to get to know the girl. >She needs to talk you into crushing on her.*

*This* is the central problem of dating. Because of the social process we have currently, men aren't chasing crushes, & so aren't entering a first date in the headspace that builds to true commitment.

The Manipulator is afraid of commitment, & of his own emotions controlling him, so he tells himself that the number of women he can lie to & talk into sleeping with him is the measure of his Masculinity. This is hard to argue with, man to man. The moral analysis isn't worth much. But the analysis that recognizes him & outs him as a coward, that has a better chance of productive impact.

The Lover can be powerfully passionate because his emotions are brought to the fore & made active as he goes into a relationship, as he wants to feel the love, but to balance himself, he lives in the moment. Generally, he doesn't lie or promise commitment. Regardless of the intensity of his feelings, he is still very embedded in the headspace of Player Mode. Since is isn't repressing or managing himself, after a time in a relationship, that player mode returns to the forefront as the honeymoon period ends & he finds himself drawn to a new & exciting Lover.

The Sniper can be of either type as default, but he is also looking for "the one." So he's judging women very directly between what he wants to lay short term, & who might be worth more effort & is worthy of commitment. I think I'd accurately describe myself as a Lover-Sniper.

I tried to not emotionality weight these, or apply judgement to the ideas. I simply want to be concise & analytical so there is clear understanding.

A pure Sniper is rare. The emotional insecurity of not having some form of a relationship is a powerful form of anxiety. There are plenty of guys who are "snipers" because they can't get a relationship. So they are mentally in commitment mode. This is, I think, the source of porn addiction & or simping. I know of guys who are on a high level & who had the self control to turn down offers of sex & relationships until they found someone they considered worthy. I wanted to be this, intuitively as a teen, but gave up the fantasy that I could win the girl of my dreams without having the confidence that comes from experience in realationships & in bed. This can get to a very disturbed & obsessive mindset. Stalkers are pure snipers. But there are other kinds.

*

My advice to someone in that kinda spot, to my past self. It's easy to get good at sex, it's easy to get good at being in a relationship with someone who sees the potential within you. Figuring out how to get girls to the point of willing & then to turn down those girls is useful. If purity of purpose & being is important to you, don't take the first girl who throws herself at you. The regret bites for a long time. But if porn takes you to a place where you aren't getting out & talking to girls, tossing the v card is easily worth it to get your headspace fixed.

*

There isn't a psychological dynamic that is in itself correctly healthy for men regarding approach sexuality, at least in the current dating environment. Chasing Crushes isn't scalable, & that is the root problem.

There's a type of girl who is only looking for "A Long Term Relationship Only." She isn't however, inticing. She doesn't know how to be wanted & desirable. She doesn't offer anything that brings out the crush which a man will need to be in in order to shift into a healthy commitment mode with her. I'm not certain what happens there, but I have to imagine everyone involved feels they are settling, & will hurt for the entirety of the relationship.

*

I'm writing this up as I'm trying to really think through how to solve the dating situation so that it works for more people. So relationships are successful & men & women are happy in them. It's not the most elegant or beautiful or composed thought I've had or published here, but this is deeply important to me.

Love shouldn't suck. We need to collectively figure out how to Make Love Lovely Again.

So, I have an idea I want to pitch, which has been difficult to get across to people I've talked to about this, such that the idea made sense to them. But I really think I'm close to right on this.

*

Women need game. Men have game. Fuck hookup PUA's but the actual technique tools of how to appeal to women are spectacularly useful. Women need to figure out how to appeal to men, not as sexual objects, but as potential relationships. Game for men is about getting laid. Game for women should be about getting men to fall for them & only them.

"Men are responsible for making the relationship, women for keeping it."

*

There's an ancient form of girlgame passed down generations mother to daughter. Just as there was an ancient form of guygame passed down from men to boys. We need to rekindle the dance between the Masculine & feminine in the realm of sexual relationship, dating & play. This fight thing we're all doing sucks.

Like most guys I want to find someone good enough to catch my heart, but I don't want to pretend for lifetime I've found the one when I haven't.

The love of men that isnt born of a crush is slow. The path of a crush is easy to explain, but deep love is a slow thing. I've seen love at first sight, or at least very close to it. But it's from a level of deep being that's so rarely reached mutually by two people who meet such that such a lightning connection can form. But I've also seen a relationship start from a small kernel & grow into a forest.

I firmly believe there's a lot of possible paths to True Love, I've seen several myself, but normative paths of how we find each other as sexual humans make us start in places within ourselves that make reaching True Love impossible, at least without a deep course correction at some latter point.

Those of us looking for that Sacred kind of love in fairy tales, that which we burn for, need to figure out how to survive with outselves long enough to find each other & get there together. Maybe this means breaking the rules of what we thing is "proper" dating.

Honestly, whatever we do, we need to figure this bitch out & work together to get back there. I'm tired of the men VS women game, tired of the fight being the normal way of things.

Hmu if you have some thoughts on how to do this love thing better together, I'll be listening to Hozier & watching Princess Bride. ✌️

[citialiin]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes.  tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies.  that too.  but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him.  so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms.  theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi.  and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ?  but that’s dumb and confusing.  i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting?  a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us?  i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is.  i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways.   i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?).  hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism.  he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves.  he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !!  Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else.  his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong.  i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom.  maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim.  im not very sure tbh.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music.  i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life.  this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas.  shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year.  ziggy became my hobby but also my homework.  he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc.  ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ...   cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different.  and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human.  the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way.  obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO  [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES  / NO. / IDK ? 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  definitely!  like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better.  had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory?  and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows?  had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better.  if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment.  my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine!  i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that.  i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself.  im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

#a lot of it is under the readmore because these always get so long and mine is long long long long long long long long long long long #ooc #KEEP YOUR 'LECTRIC EYE ON ME ; queue #and thakn you for tagging me ! i like to mkae Words

[howlitecritical]

New character arcs and new back story because canon sucks again

Main 4 cast with notes on characters that need notes for changes to make sense  Garnet: yesyesyesyesyeysyes everything good about this show. There’s not enough garnet centric things where she’s just herself and not about ruby and sapphire. More information on Garnet. Shes stoicly funny and just murders people with words sometimes. show her being rose’s top tactician. turning the tides of the war that were never in the crystal gem’s favor. maybe theres a fun earth thing shes into. Her room is the heart of the temple for a reason now. Its a balance between pearl and amethyst. The bubbles are organized, but she has her own side space with things she does as hobbies. She has a collection of antique books that she likes to read lava side and she often meditates to see corrupted gems and a future in which the CGs encounter them. maybe she even draws them out to combine ruby’s need to Do with sapphire's need to Know. Fusion is still very important to her, but not she has plot relevant interests that make sense with her character. Her character arc involves her being the first of her kind. shes something completely new! just like steven is. and for that not to bind them together is silly. She wants the best for steven and he makes her want to be an even better leader now that rose is gone and shes the only one left. she makes him think about his actions and slows down his hyper activity when he or amethyst are trying to do something reckless. From him she learns that it’s okay to let her guard down more. Homeworld might come back, but it’s not all on her shoulders. the CGs are a family and they’ll protect everyone together. Garnet in jailbreak is the first time we know shes a fusion and before that we get more about her character not just from environment around her, but her reactions to things. Maybe she feels like she needs to be in control because shes afraid that without rose, homeworld is more a danger than ever.

Amethyst: I like most of her progression actually!!! a few things I’d mess with is when she’s unnecessary hurtful to people she loves, like greg, when she shape shifted into rose, and peridot when she all but threw her stuff into the ocean. these things need to be gotten rid of, or addressed by the narrative. I’d also like to see her hanging around Vidalia wayyyyy sooner or to have a reason why they dont. As for reasons, maybe Amethyst did or said something hurtful toward her, lashing out at her for whatever reason that made their friendship strained. while a decade is a long time for a human, for a gem its nothing. so while she feels bad, Am’ isnt going to apologize herself!!! she didnt do anything wrong!!! and maybe Vidalia is the first person steven convinces her to apologize to. Steven teaches her compassion and is, in return, the gem he can relate to the best. He goes to her first with gem issues and she acts like an older sibling, trying to teach him or cover up mistakes so pearl and garnet dont find out. I think i’d like a progression of Am’ refusing to apologize to Vidalia, realizing that she was wrong and apologizing to greg, but he breaks down and can’t move past that, rendering their friendship difficult and strained as a “sometimes apologizing isnt enough and you have to change your behavior“ and then the third beat with peridot either not happening at all, where she doesnt throw someone’s comfort items into the ocean which, i think steven shouldve realized and stopped her from doing anyway, BUT if you just NEED that mistake on her part, i feel like this could be a “sometimes, you dont know how bad you hurt someone and you should apologize when you find out“ with peridot being hurt and not talking to her and amethyst has to do a big gesture to show shes sorry. I also feel like that fleshes out amedot as a ship and while i dont care about who peridot ends up with, i care about story and the way im going to make this story go, lapis will be in that fun moral grey area and i want more options in terms of story telling and of fan choice. Also!!! explore the possibility of her being deep cut and thats why shes a runt. she only looks smaller but has all these strengths because of it!!! it fits in really well and bismuth or peridot maybe because she was made for kindergardening, could tell her about it and watch her get excited because shes not ”wrong“ she never came out “wrong“ shes just different and thats okay!

Pearl: Was white diamond’s pearl, first of all! that makes every interaction more interesting, because no only did she defect from homeworld, but she defected from the Queen of homeworld and everything it stood for basically. We learn more about how homeworld operates and what places in society each gem fits from pearl, because while she doesn’t believe it herself, she isn’t kept from talking about diamonds now and what one she served. in this funky fresh au, she is sent by white to make sure the new diamond they’re cultivating from earth comes out properly (aka where the fuck did russia go) and getting her equipped with all of the technology she would need to properly rule. this is where she first meets a quartz soldier. at first she’s taken aback by the quartz’s forwardness, no one had ever talked to her like... an equal before. shes not sure if shes allowed to speak, though, she knows theyre waiting for a response. Their first interactions always begin with her requesting permission to speak. They have to wait a few more years for pink to emerge and while they’re there they slowly become friends as the life is leeched out of the area. we could have a snapshots of them waiting for together, rose getting bored and convincing pearl to come do things with her, slowly breaking her out of her shell. Pearl’s difficulty and character arc comes from not just rose and getting over her feelings, which is perfectly fine, but doesnt need to be her only trait, but finding out who she is now, not just after rose, but with humanity as a whole. with the war well and truly over. she wants to learn about what rose thought was so important to fight for, to die for, and because of that, we get her partaking in human activities that arent eating or drinking, because she still dislikes them. While Garnet reads and collects books, i think pearl being really into her weapons collection is a good idea to flesh her out more. Where did she get her swords from? Well thats a mystery. She mentions someone she cared about a long time ago made them for her and thus we get some fun bismuth foreshadowing.

Rose:  And rose..... god... we could of had it all by adele plays in the background anytime i think about her. Here we have a very beautiful fat woman. Shes framed as elegant and regal by the show time and time again and i LOVED that. however after the pink diamond reveal, I have such mixed feelings about her. No more diamond bullshit. Shes the first gem that popped out. Technically she’s too early and she goes to stand guard around the birthplace of her diamond. That is where she and pearl first meet. Pearl is the first gem she ever talks to and while she innately knows stuff about home world, shes pick up a lot from the humans that live nearby. theyve shown her kindness and given her furs to wear and in turn she helped them heal their wounded by crying on them. (yes she still has healing powers sue me) she loves the humans and takes to befriending them before pearl shows up. The two of them get close and after pink diamond pops out, rose realizes what the creation of gems truly means for the world around her. They’re killing what was here before them. This isn’t creation. It’s an invasion. Being the only quartz out so far, shes forced into the role of commander for pink. Her favored soldier. And the more she does what she was “made for” the more she hates it and the more she hates the diamond authority. she convinces pink that some humans are worth keeping. As a curiosity, my diamond. they could prove useful to terraforming other planets or moons to accept life and in time, gem cultivation.  She gets poofed while trying to save someone from the group of people she first made friends with. Maybe pink shatters whoever poofed her for not following her orders because of course Rose wouldnt defy her. rose is Loyal, unlike the rest of you lack luster garbage. Rose comes back with her iconic dress and shes here and queer and shes fucking Done with this shit. she hears about the shattering on her behalf and she goes to pink and asks why and she feels sick to her stomach because star, my diamond, she isnt Worth it. she isnt worth the cost of someone else’s whole Life!!! Oh rose... you’ve always been soft hearted. in this time, Pearl is quietly there. waiting to be called back by white as pink pearl has just been sent to take her place. And this is it. This is the moment rose decides to rebel. according to homeworld, her life should be no more than any other quartz. her life shouldnt be traded for that of others. So why? Why did pink do this? Do the gems in her court mean nothing to her? This is the first time a gem has ever summoned two weapons. A Sword and Shield. A knight turning on her master. She tried to attack pink. to poof her. to send a message right here and now that gems are all equal. that a lowly rose quartz is strong enough to take on a diamond! She fails, but only partly. she manages to strike a blow, but pink stays in tact long enough to strike on of her own, sending rose retreating into her gem. This is when pearl has to make a choice. No matter what she’d be shattered. Pink’s wrath when she reforms, white’s when she finds out about what happened. This is a death sentence. But if its a death sentence, its one she’ll choose for herself. she takes rose’s shield and uses the face of it to shatter pink herself, scooping up rose’s gem and getting as far away as fast as she can. This is the start of a war.

Steven: Oh boi. So i love steven, but theres moments where hes just... not good and the story doesnt stop him from doing that. So if were gonna say hes a kid with emotion based powers, we know hes soft and sweet and excitable. sometimes he pushes people too far because hes trying to do what he thinks is best. I want him to wrestle with the fact that his mom, this person everyone says is good, killed someone. she did something so horrible and she never killed anyone again, but she still did it once. I’d like him to get bits and pieces of his mothers memories and so we get to see the world and flashback things that happened in real time. Maybe he tries to talk to pearl about it, but she still wont instead of cant. He feels like an outcast and everyone would rather his mom be there, but they have him instead. basically a lot of his earlier character arc stuff before garnet and pearl talk to him about how homeworld was. They dont think hes old enough to hear about war, but it seems war is coming back and hes unprepared to face it without learning more. he facilitates more interactions with the townies and now its not just a war of gems against gems, they have humans on their side too and they’ll win!  

#su criticism #su rewrite #su #su critique #su critical #steven universe #i hate the pink diamond reveal so im just Salty #cw long post

[sunnyvaiprion]

I was drawing Reinhardt and Olwen reading a book on how we, otherworldlings, use electricity and I thought about something. 

(A lot of text trying to explain magical things I shouldnt be explaining because is just works) 

Magical spells probably dont 100% align with their physical phenomenons, but... there’s at least some connection between them, right? What I’m trying to say is that you can burn for a while until you die, tearing you apart with wind will also take nature some effort, so on so forth, and it’s quite possible to live though most of those things if they’re reasonably weak, but if we’re speaking about thunder mages specifically... 

A deadly current strenght for a human person is actually... not very high. You know how they warn you that those 220V power outlets can kill you (maybe your outlets are different idk but I was warned all the time)? Well yeah, even half of that will penetrate your skin and make your heart stop. Even less if you somehow lower your body’s resistance (like be wet) so a baby voltage is already pretty dangerous. But you know what voltage actual lightnings have? SO much that electric current runs through AIR (albeit when it’s raining) which is a dielectric. At least a Million times more than your deadly power outlet. It wont just make your heart and brain malfunction, it’ll burn you instantly. I think there might be people who survived that... there’s always some. But if we disregaed miracles, it’s death in split seconds. Not only that - it’s a huge overkill, because literally 1 000 000 times lesser voltage can kill you, maybe not SO effectively and there will be chances for you to live, but still it will do the job. Because unlike most other things - it aims straight for vital organs.   

But uh... thunder magic isnt THAT bad, right? Well okay, maybe they dont just casually create 10^12 Volts potential difference for earth-to-clouds size lightnings with a handwave... but still, even a tiny lightning would be caused by way, WAY more than even our favourite 220 Volts. It’s uh... EXTRA deadly. Voltage needed for a baby-level lightning might be simply non-surviveable by a normal person... But it’s not typically stronger than other types of magic in-universe. So.. what’s the deal?

I already said the key word - resistance. It’s technically not voltage itself that’s so deadly, but rather strenght of electric current that will run (or not run) through you. It can be decreased by lowering voltage (logically it scales with strenght of a spell) OR increasing resistance (but all people have +- the same innate resistance). Also the duraion of exposure matters, but even with? like, 100V you need a few seconds or less for at least clinical death, really. Obviously other magic users will be able to reduce the impact on them by, well, using magic to resist it, but what about people who cant? 

It’s possible to cast a crappy thunder spell that will not kill (or significantly harm) a normal person. But we already established that people are afraid of stupidly low voltages in relation to what lightnings actually have. Which means that either:

a) It’s possible to cast a super low voltage lightning that wont cause instant deadly effects. Like, maybe ionize the air real good to increase it’s conductivity first (it somewhat naturally happens with super-high voltages but we arent having that) and then the current would pierce through looking all scary? It sounds pretty unbelievable to me because it’s still, like, at least a meter of air we’re speaking about. 

b) An average person in FE universe could walk up to a 220V power outlet, put 2 metal kneeting needles in it (one in each hand to close the circuit), stay like that for a minute and say “oh, it tickles a little” then walk away without any consequences whatsoever. Because for whatever reason there is, “their” skin is a lot thicker to electric current than “ours”, just like that. 

... or, even better, both at once. Yes, sounds good to me. 

#I have no idea why did I even write this #for future reference I guess #then again it's possible to ask where does that voltage even comes from #but like ??? idk magic just works okay it can start fires or create ponential difference out of nowhere #like Reinhardt's dire thunder literally strikes twice in row #that's a thing than real lightnings dont do because there's no potential difference after the first like... no its not there go home #means he can make it appear #but yeah if it happened for whatever reason I want to know how do people live through it

[yyh-revival]

Ok so about hxh I don't dislike the show it's a good show. But the reason I prefer yyh is the set up makes more sense. It makes sense for a place like the demon world to have a fucked up tournament like the black tournament. The stuff that Koenma's dad pulled to fuck over demons given the system and that kind of character. You know what doesn't make sense? Giving known assasins and psychopaths more access and power. In HxH becoming a hunter means you get access to all sorts of locations pt.1

That regular civilians dont have access to and a liscence to kill without getting into trouble and all sorts of other shit. And they give that power to Hisoka who never tries to hide the fact he just likes killing people and randomly killed one of the examiners last time. And Illumi a assasin who freely admits that he wanted the liscence for a job. He says this to the people in charge of the exam. And he still gets his liscence what the fuck. Not to mention his family the secret pt2

oldeck family who the public doesnt know their faces have a house so famous that tour guide point it out while going through the city. Like it might have unbelievable security but why would you risk people knowing? Not that it’s a bad show or I dont enjoy it. I’m not that far into the series. But things like that kinda take out of it. It kinda takes me out of it. Especially when this world isnt like this world of chaos its actually kinda like our world. Or supposed to be Pt.3

Yes, I have to confess the setting didn’t sit right with me, either. I typically enjoy fantasy (in fact it’s my #1 favorite genre, and my preferred to write in, whether that’s high fantasy like LOTR or something like Fullmetal Alchemist, or even modern fantasies like stories about vampires, etc. All of my childhood favorites have fallen into this category… aaaand still do haha)

But the setting always did feel strange to me. I never understood who or what was in control of this Hunter licence, and why they were giving them out to children, or what the point of them even was.

More under the cut. Long analysis of character, slightly more productive than what I wrote yesterday, and some more dissing of HxH (I’m sorry) and its poor management of plot, setting, and character.  Also, from now on, tagging all discussions and comparisons of HxH and YYH as HHD (for hunter hunter discussion) to keep it out of the hxh tag. 

Once again, this is all just my opinion, my personal feelings, and are not meant to grade the merit of the show or insult anyone who enjoyed it!

See, I typically also like “secret clubs.” But I like them being fleshed out. In Mass Effect, we know what a Specter is. They have almost unlimited power, but 1) they answer to a council which can strip them of this power, and 2) they have a clear goal – serving the council and the interest of the council races.

For YYH, we have the same thing. Yusuke has more power than the average human, having the authority to kill and having access to knowledge most humans do not have. But he 1) answers to Koenma, 2) has a clear goal of protecting the innocent from evil demons and other psychic phenomena. 

And that stuff is outlined the MOMENT our protagonists enter the secret club, in clear words, and it doesn’t take, you know, forever… But HxH, I have no idea what the whole Hunter organization even is? I looked it up and turns out I saw the whole 1st season, 31 episodes… and I have no idea what this hunter thing is.

So yes, I totally agree. For comparison, in YYH, we go through a rather good introduction to Spirit World all before episode 5, an intro to what Spirit Detectives are without learning all the details, but enough to understand, by what, episode 8ish? We learn how Spirit World can bend rules with Kurama and Hiei within the first few episodes, too. We learn Spirit World is a bureaucracy, that it has rulers and managers (Enma and Koenma), that it is occupied by mostly two species (ogres and Spirit World citizens, who are like spirits, neither alive nor dead), that they have prisons, that they take interest in human lives and society, that they have the power to revive the dead but that there are clear rules and procedures. We learn Spirit World citizens can inhabit human bodies made specifically for them. We learn Spirit World can unlock human’s innate spiritual awareness. We learn the Spirit Detective job is sorta a new and untested thing (sending a kid to fight 3 demons… Koenma seriously didn’t think the job through yet). We learn Spirit World houses powerful treasures like the 3 artifacts. We learn they have a freakin’ treasure room to start with. We learn you can break into Spirit World and its vaults. We learn that living creatures, even demons, can enter it. We learn spirits and living creatures can interact with each other as if both were on the same plane, tangible and all, while in Spirit World. We learn Spirit World watches and records events of interest in the Human World, sometimes flat out spying on humans like when they watch Keiko being chased or when the little girl (the investigator) stalks Keiko along with Yusuke and Botan. We learn ghosts aren’t allowed to stay forever in the human world. We learn that the spirit and the body have separate energies that converge together. We learn Spirit World uses actual technology, not just magic, like VHS types and pocket watches. We learn Spirit World citizens can live incredibly long lives and look like babies while being a couple hundred years old or more.

^^ See all that? That’s what I know about Spirit World from watching the first EIGHT episodes. Episode 9 Yusuke enters Genkai’s tournament… How insanely concise is that? Episode 8, and we know so much about just one aspect of this world.

Whereas HxH? episode 31… and I still have zero clue what hunters are, what their purpose is, what they can do, who they work for if anyone, what the qualifications for them are (just being able to fight?) We know nothing. 31 episodes!! 

For another comparison, by episode 31, Yusuke is in the Dark Tournament, fighting Chuu. By this point, we had all four main characters go through the first cycle of their character arcs, we were introduced to most of the supporting cast, we had relationships established, we got backstory on some characters, we learned how spirit energy and psychics work more, we saw Yusuke begin his second cycle, we saw the introduction of a major villain… we had a lot. Whereas with HxH, all I remember is the damn big boat in the storm thing.

Speaking of character arcs… I wrote this in a response to something else, but I think it also makes my point here. I am incredibly fascinated with character arcs and character in general, even more than plot or setting or anything else. To me, character is all. So here’s my breakdown of some character growth within the first 8 episodes.

YYH never really feels like it drags, maybe only in those moments I mentioned before. But it had an incredibly strong opening. Excluding Hiei, within the first 7-8 episodes, we have two characters (kurama and Yusuke) go through full character arcs that affect them all the way down the line of the show. The other two join after episode 25, though we also get to see glimpses of character background and some development even earlier (Kuwabara’s sensitive side is shown with the kitty, his devotion to friends, his honor code – all before episode 8 as well, but that’s not really an arc. He doesn’t have one till about the Yukina Rescue arc concludes. Though his is a bit weak, mostly because Kuwabara was… pretty alright to start with? It’s hard to develop when there isn’t many places you can go. And out of all the 4 boys, Kuwabara had the least amount of baggage.)

For Yusuke, we have the theme of “caring/not caring.” Yusuke stars off believing no one loves him and that he’s better off not being in anyone’s life. The wake proves him wrong enough that he makes an effort to come back. Then when he thinks he’s missed his chance by throwing the egg, and sees his friends and family happily talking about him returning, he mourns because he knows he’s not coming back. 180 from “meh, ima stay a ghost it’s better I’m not in their lives.” So, he goes through a complete cycle just in that moment, from I don’t care, to I do care and I’m happy, to I do care and I am sad. Not just a simple arc, from point A to point B, but A to B to C. It’s a very well constructed growth of a character. Full arch, full growth, and that’s why it tugs at the heartstrings. Because the moment he started to care… he thought lost his chance.

That arc he goes through all before episode 5 cycles throughout the show, and makes us care because such a strong arc, such an emotional one, too, grabs the viewer’s heart by the balls and refuses to let go. 

It cycles in the Suzaku fight – he experiences horrible pain to save people, but in order to really motive himself, he must see Keiko in danger. He’s getting there, to the point of caring about humanity, but not quite. Then in the Dark Tournament, the lives of multiple people hang on his victory. But they’re still mostly people he cares about, though now that has extended beyond Keiko into Shizuru, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, Yukina, etc., all of those people. He’s getting there, increasing the circle of people he cares for.

It keeps going up, challenging Yusuke to care more. The hospital had Keiko and shizuru in it. But also the new psychics. Then Sensui threatening all of humanity. Then the 3 kings arc threatening all of the realms. Yusuke progressively gives more of a shit about more people with time and new challenges and as he earns more friends.

And all of that is outlined in he first Fucking 4 episodes!! We know what hsi arc is, we know where he is going, we know what sort of character he is, and we get to see him become truly fleshed out in just 4 episodes.

That’s just Yusuke, too. Kurama also has a complete arc within the span of like two or three episodes, and those themes cycle throughout the show. (guilt, suicide and redemption – think Ura Urishima fight, when Kurama projects his want to sacrifice himself for Shiori to make up for his deception, where he tells the guy that suicide has no honor or redemption in it, even though the guy didn’t care for that, his lie was about getting out of having to hurt people without causing harm to his grandmother, not about redeeming himself – family, lies, the better of two evils – to lie to shiori and stay with her so she has a son, or stop lying to her and punish self for stealing her “real son” away)

It’s consistent, mostly concise, cyclical, and oh so fucking satisfying to my literature loving senses….

And then hxh… where apparently nothing of substance happens in the first Twenty Freakin Episodes. I legit cannot tell you about any character growth in that time. Or plot? They take a test. For who knows how long. Uh… kurapika starts to like leorio when before he didn’t? So he gets friendlier?? Maybe?? Killua begins a friendship with gon instead of getting himself that therapist… they play a ball game together. That gets them to like each other so much Gon goes chasing after Killua when he goes missing at the end of the season. Uh…. they are faced with the horror of fighting people they had to cooperate with before I guess. *shrugs* 

If you put a gun against my head, the only character growth or arc I could maybe try to name for the first 30 episodes is that Kurapika started to like Leorio and starts to address him with a bit more respect, cause they worked together, so uh… nope, nope, that’s not an arc in the slightest. Kurapika can simply be a person who doesn’t like others until he gets to know them… So yes, I’d get a bullet in the head.

And the fact that you need to skip the whole beginning of the show to even enjoy it, as @perpetuallyfrowning suggested … I can’t do that. I cannot enjoy any change in Gon if I don’t know where he was before. But I hate where he was before, and we’re stuck with that for so long… Even if you didn’t like Yusuke’s personality at first, you only have to deal with it for a bit because he changes so much so quickly.

So there it is, my rather lazy analysis of the beginning of YYH and HxH, looking at setting and character.

- Mod Lola

#ask #anon #analysis #meta #character analysis #setting analysis #hhd #yusuke #character arc #mod talk

[ithisatanytime]

one thing i am grateful for, is i literally never once in my life have been offended by someone saying i was stupid. im completely immune to that because for my entire childhood, teachers and people in general would rave about my intelligence, they would talk about it amongst themselves and i would get told about it later by my friends or my sister. call me a loser, thats true and painful enough but im a tall white genius with a humonguos dick, and i think you already knew that, people pick up on IQ naturally it was an important adaption for sexual selection, probably the single most important one for humans. when girls say they want a guy who is funny, why the fuck do they care? humor advertises intelligence, we are constantly advertising our genetic fitness and its constantly being evaluated on a subconscious level and intelligence is part of that. people realize im smarter than they are as soon as we start talking and you know what, it sucks dick. no one wants to talk to someone smarter than them, no one. so you learn to hide it, but you arent really hiding it because you cant, in fact there are studies that show we can accurately estimate intelligence just by looking at a picture of someones face for a split second (look it up) with far greater accuracy than random chance. so you arent really hiding it, but displaying social intelligence by attempting to hide it. i dont talk this way in real life, i treat this blog as existing outside of the mating game, though it isnt. i express myself more openly here than anywhere else. i genuinely wish i was ten to fifteen IQ points lower as i doubtlessly would be happier and probably more successful, there are social ramifications for being different, especially for something as intrinsic as intelligence, its incredibly alienating unless you are from the social strata whereby you can capitalize on it.

  do any of you think i type the shit i type on here and assume its benign to everyone? of course not. i know many will assume im evil for some of my views, when in reality i am barely capable of being mean. i am not a product of raw intelligence, i have met people smarter than myself (one dude actually) i am a product of my innate qualities and my environment, the specific circumstances of my life played a large role in who i am and what i believe. i dont care about math, largely because i have no natural apptitude for it and the specific circumstances of my life made being a math wiz a lot harder for many reasons. constantly changing school districts meant i was always kind of lost, before common core different school districts covered different things at different times, and math concepts are highly interdependent on each other. so i said fuck it, that being said i acknowledge that math is both conceptually very interesting and incredibly necessary for countless things, and one day i will have to bite the bullet, start from the beginning and attempt to catch myself up. ALL that being said how the fuck am i gonna expect people to understand biology, specifically natural selection to the same degree i do? that would be ridiculous! i fully expect most people at least initially will have no idea what im talking about and just assume i hate people who are different than me and want everyone who isnt a white genius with a massive cock to be shoved in giant ovens lmao. i feel that what i am saying is important enough, that its worth being misunderstood or hated for.

  this is a long text post for a guy who doesnt care lol, but i have been meaning to make a post like this for a while, the takeaway i want you to... take away from this is that i am a tall white genius with above average sized genitals, im very genetical fit and desirable to beautiful east asian women with low body counts.

[noctomania]

Clarification, again. Cisfolk, listen up.

Gender=\=sex Neither sex nor gender are binary. Nope, not even in sex chromosomes. (http://www.who.int/genomics/gender/en/index1.html) Gender identity is communicated through gender expression, which in itself can range from just name choice, to clothing, to physical transition. Gender and sex are each a spectrum, though gender is a more socially visible spectrum due to the open expression in comparison to that of sexual expression (which is still a thing but still taboo in most societies for various reasons). Neither gender nor sex are chosen. They are what they are and where the complications happen is in how society rears us to believe that your sex and gender can be determined not only immediately after(or even before) birth but also by other people who know nothing about you or how you feel. (See nature vs nurture. Nature is gender/sex you identify with and thus are, nurture is where you are taught/told how things are according to the objective opinions of others). Also with the perpetuation that sex and gender are interchangeable, which in itself is irrational even if you don't believe transgender people exist (imagine imagining life and nature to be that simple). Cognitively (and generally) speaking, we don't begin to develop our autonomy (that is thinking for one's self rather than following what is told/taught out of convenience or comfort or lack of alternative ideologies etc) for a while so sometimes people dont question their gender for years until its triggered by something like puberty (though obviously it is possible to come up before, esp if their identity is extremely different from what they've been assigned at birth). However there are no rules to when one determines their identity, there is no foolproof test. That is what is determined by nurture. BUT. The best way to help someone grow up to be the person they are meant to be and not merely copying what they think they are expected to be is to foster an environment of freedom, honesty, acceptance, and exploration. If i had not been allowed to dress as i did when i was younger im not sure I would have come to the conclusions i have re: gender identity (in general but more specifically my gender). Granted bein faab (female assigned at birth) and then dressing masculine in my society is accepted a lot more readily than a maab dressing feminine. I was labeled a tomboy and that was it. And i liked that title well enough because it labeled me as a boy rather than a girl. And honestly now? I'd probably feel more comfortable in a dress than ever before. Because I'm secure in my identity regardless of what others would think or say. I mean, obviously I'd have to like the dress because nobody feels comfortable if they don't like how it feels or looks on them lmao. But back when I thought I was a cisfemale lesbian, I'd practically bark at dresses. But now that I'm free to be me, I'm not offended by dresses. They shouldn't offend me. Nothing feminine should. But if I couldn't be who i am and then forced into expression that further removes me from my innate identity, distress encroaches. On my terms vs on others. My gender identity isnt an attack on Anyone. My gender identity has nothing to do with anyone else. And honestly i wish I did not have to talk about it. I earnestly wish my coming out wouldn't inevitably bring about questions of my physical body that they will never touch or see. I don't feel comfortable ever having to discuss my gender identity because of the rampant misinformation that i have to un-teach in order to communicate my foundational identity to someone. But when we are disregarded as fake or worse as criminals of gender, traitors of feminism, or whatever else haters think, that forces us to speak up. Because if we don't, our silence is submission. And being fuckin Me™ i do not submit. Nor do i expect my family to ever submit. We are here we are just as valid as you we deserve respect of humanity and of our personal business. Don't ask me if I'm preop/postop- not everyone wants/has access to surgery it is irrelevant to you and an invasive question. Don't ask me if it hurt- why tf do you care and how would surgery not hurt and there are these cool medical advancements called "painkillers"... Don't ask me how I figured it out- it could potentially come from a triggering experience depending on the person. Also i really don't wanna tell the same story again like go find a documentary of someone who actually wanted you to know Don't ask how my family took it- many transkids are kicked out even before they know their identity just for their expression dont force them to think about that Don't ask me to divulge my entire story for your amusement Don't ask me shit. Honestly. Go read a book or articles or blogs and see for yourself that there is so much variety that my personal backstory is completely irrelevant to you and your damned curiosity. It's exhausting it puts me on a spot i don't wanna be in. 2017 ought to be my yr of being out proud and not being people's goddamn personal gender teacher or classroom model. Im afraid if i keep on that path people gonna start askin me to disrobe so they can "better understand" me. My trans identity doesn't begin, nor end, with my body.

[ruthlessoul]

Realising your potential (exercise)

Stop waiting and wasting valuable time (Now)

Realising your potential

First you must identify who you are. Because it is only from being honest with yourself will you be able to dig deep and find out what your true potential is.

Personally-

Helping others but not helping yourself

What stops you from doing what you push people to do?

The fear of not living up to your own potential

Expectations? That is external

Potential? Internal

Analysis-

Overly self aware

Seeing all the angles, is scary

very objective point of view, so easier to analyse others and push them based on what they portray

quick to judge & analyse peoples skills

Is this a personality type? Type A

So a quick online personality type test can quickly confirm what you may or may not already know about yourself. This was brought up to me by a friend who was convinced i was trying to “fix him” when i simply thought i was being a Good friend by pushing and being supportive. This caused me to look within myself and ask myself honestly, what my goals were when speaking to others vs when i’m simply being/talking to/analysing myself.

I asked myself why i am the way i am

Too many variables for the self, too aware of self also means too aware of shortcomings.

Too much thinking

Over-thinking really is the killer of productivity

Incredibly ambitious, huge oversight

I can bounce back from anything

Behind impulse, is a heavy load of anxiety, analysis & calculations

Not wanting to waste time

But not wanting to miss out on life

Need to learn how to balance it

being that we are so very dynamic, i was speaking to a dear friend whom i believe to be of a very similar disposition to me. We complete opposites in terms of career interests, we study polar opposite subjects ( Im a designer she’s an economist). Being believers in Zodiac signs, although not meticulous ( we simply identify with our birth signs, it’s not our religion), i initiall put our similarities down to being of the same star sign (Libra) born literally a few days apart, in the same year. However, after our conversation, we realised perhaps its due to our personality type that made us share so many similar views. Environment also has alot to do with it,however in this case, it was not necessary because we grew up travelling alot however, not to the same places. Here, we listed some pro’s and con’s of our personality type (Type A)

Pros

Knowledge of self - We are incredibly analytical of ourselves. We give ourselves all the freedom to think very deeply about what we really want (usually a lot, if you know what Libra’s are like)

Knowledge of surroundings- We are easily adaptable and switch between environments very smoothly

Planning & executing plans when we want to - We love to plan and see plas through (so long as we are interested, you can’t force us to do anything)

Really hardworking - because we enjoy it especially when its what we love. Otherwise, we would not be doing said job, we would be doing something that puts a smile to our faces

We don't like to be told what to do/limited - Our dreams are already so big, we are ready for challenges, and we do not take no for an answer

Work smart - need to work fast, because we have so much going on all the time, its innate

Executive Mind - Boss mentality. We always step up to the plate. This is always the case if whomever is up there isnt up to the task

Always acting on potential - a duty to lead and guide others into their potential, This causes us to be very analytical of others

Cons

Overly analytical - Of ourselves and of others. Especially our friends with problems. When they come to us, we almost make them our problem too which is never necessary

Trusting people to work as hard as we think - We never fully believe anyone can do it better than we can. Its hard letting go of the control

Too much pressure on ourselves and others - This pressure can sometimes lead to not following the plan and instead diverting it, changing plans because we are still aware of our power to control what we feel

Very high expectations on others - We often make the mistake of putting the same high expectations we put on ourselves, on others. They are not like you, so why would it work? it doesnt.

Super high expectations of ourselves stops up from achieving actual potential - We can often feel super human, we are naturally confident individuals, however due to how analytical we are, we can often be the very same ones to criticize ourselves ( no one can tell us off like we can tell ourselves, plus we can guarantee we’ll be gentle lol)

We don't know how to ask for help - We find it almost impossible to ask for help we would always rather give help. However, you cant pout from an empty cup

Always wanting to do better and be better - The quest for perfection is real... However, its not healthy, it doesnt exist, and why strive for something that is not real? that would be delusional

Wanting to fix everything - Because we think we can see all points of view, we are very levelheaded. However, can get carried away with helping people to our own detriment.

The most important message here, is to take time and get to know yourself, then you will see how much more loving and accepting you are of yourself because you now know why you are the way you are. Love yourself like never before, its the only to keep on going.

Ruth x

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