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#because i know i NEED a job because I'm nothing but a burden but i also know the moment i have money I'm starting a ticking click to my end
biohazard-4ever · 2 days
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How do you imagine Leon as a boyfriend? :333
For both our indulgence and Claire's :D
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This got me while I'm still a little dry of HCs. I have been out of the fandom for quite some time (7 years) and am returning only now so, I don't have many HCs to share with... Yet... So, this will definitely be a little messy and not as good! But I'll definitely comeback to this on later dates and update it constantly.
Are you ready? Are you? (COMPLETELY SFW HCs btw)
Oh, you pressed Read More. You sure are ready!
LEON WITH AN S/O COMPLETELY CLUELESS ABOUT BIOTERRORISM:
Maybe you'll want to accuse him of being too aloof for not giving you the satisfaction of telling about his whereabouts. Your friends might even accuse him of being toxic for keeping these "shady" secrets.
If you press him too much, he may let it slip that he is working under a "legal governmental organization" (The president himself, cough) that deals with really complicated things and he would rather not put you in the middle of all this. He is doing this to protect you, damn it! Can't you understand it?
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His work will often be a problem in your relationship... It is something with the potential to kill him out of stress, yet, it is something he does not discuss with you at all. Don't take it as if he does not trust in you enough to share his burden. He just isn't allowed to.
Every time he comes home, you are shocked about the new scars and/or bruises he appears with. All you know is that he travels a lot, has excellence with guns and martial arts, and the more you think about it, the scarier you get. You're no fool... You know that whatever Leon is dealing with in his work, certainly has the full potential of killing him (and you).
PDA. Please, if you are not into it... Well, what are you doing with the one guy that will imprint on someone as a duckling?! There are days he leaves work and goes back home for lunch just because he wants to feel your scent and hold you for a few extra minutes!
You are his piece of normality, and he wants to keep things that way... Maybe you read somewhere about this "conspiracy theory" where "Zombies and Bio-weapons exist". He immediately pulls your attention to check the pup store! The Golden Retrievers pups are on sale!
LEON WITH AN S/O WHO ALSO WORKS FOR ANTI-GOVERNMENT (Or, basically, Leon with Claire!)
Leon is not content that you/Claire have to deal with this in any form or way. But he will not dictate how you/she should live your life. This is your fight too, all he gotta do is do his job twice as well so that YOU will not have to deal with it. He is the pawn at the front line, if back-up organizations need to take action, he already failed his job.
He will show up in the Terra Save HQ. Yes, he will pull his Government I.D at the entry lobby while demanding access to her office in the Non-Governamental Agency. He has lunch to deliver to his girl/wife and he wants to enjoy lunch break by her side!
Every birthday is celebrated as a miracle. It is like being borne again. One more year while living this crazy life? And you two get to celebrate it together? Insane.
IF HIS S/O CAN GET PREGNANT, he will feel a little more of urgency to do just so. You know...? You two live a very dangerous job and... Leon wants to leave a piece of him to you (or have a piece of you, in the worst-case scenario, for him). If not the case, he is completely as eager to adopt a child with you.
LEON WITH ANY S/O:
They will lay in bed on lazy weekends with their lips touching all the time while talking about sweet nothings. His hands inside their shorts' back pocket. Kneading their hips and buttcheeks lovingly.
When walking through the streets with his S/O, if cold or windy, he will put their hand inside his jacket's pockets while holding their hands.
Leon does a lot of things that, for him, it is only natural and he does not really notice he IS doing it until his S/O points it out, like, when having dinner at a restaurant or just at the table of their dining room... If his S/O leans down to try and fetch something that fell or is under their chair that requires them to lean down and reach under the table, Leon will stretch his arm to cover the table's edges closer to his S/O so they won't get hurt or hit themselves when they sit back.
He has two phones. One exclusively for his work, and one his S/O has complete and free access. When they're ready to sleep, Leon will put his phone on the bed on its side working as a mini-TV. His arm works as his S/O's personal pillow while you two watch videos and whatnot (tiktok, youtube, Netflix... You name it)
Leon does not like anything that has to do with BITES. Just. Don't. Not. No funny. And especially, DON'T BITE HIS NECK UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE PUT IN A SLEEPER HOLD. Don't worry, he will grow to accept kisses and wet, sloppy kisses there. Just try and understand it, poor boy has it rough, and often his neck seems to have a red target in it whenever he is out on an assignment.
Sweet messages are not uncommon. Leon acts as an eager youngster in love and you're his first ever sweetheart! He loves to BE in love. He daydreams about your life together and expectations.
He is not a shy guy or antisocial, and maybe his easy-going personality may trigger some jealousy from his S/O but, please, don't hold it against the man. Leon is a Human-people and he loves social interactions. As he said to Buddy after inviting him to drink some beers: "I like company". And it shows! He also invited Mike for a few drinks after they returned to the USA from Spain. (RIP Mike)
Leon loves shopping. Have you seen the man's jackets and watches he uses on a daily bases? His BIKES? Leon is a good-looking guy and he knows it. He wants to stay well-dressed and always presentable. Proud to always be seen as "the handsome boyfriend of his S/O" He even would use that as his first name if you would allow it. (You don't :( ) So, be prepared for a lot of walking and clothes shopping with him!
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spade-club · 1 year
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Reminding myself that I did all of my goals I had for this year. Even if some of them turned out to be mistakes, I've come a long way in the past half a year especially, and even if I am currently struggling with the weight of it all right now, these achievements are nothing to ignore or take value away from.
#anyway considering quitting my new job because I almost died for it already and I cant handle all of the all of it.#I had to call out sick today and I got told off and a manager basically said he thought I was lying because I didnt want to work there.#it felt so bad and I just.... ugh#its just all so overwhelming#like. I'm incredibly sick right now. dealing with a whole cheating scandal going on. Christmas was hard as fuck. this new job is overwhelm#I just... cant handle it all.#plus my old job never gave me my last paycheck so I have to deal with that#and I am trying so hard to get in contact with this new therapist guy but I keep just not having time to set things up.#im overwhelmed. so much.#the one good thing I have going for me is my friends and even then I'm starting to feel like a burden on them for struggling so much#idk! its just a lot!#but hey. I didnt kill myself this year! and instead I have been living a life and thats not nothing#checked *kiss a second person* off my list. yeah they were also kissing many people I didnt know about including their girlfriend but ! yk#things happen haha (im devistated)#and I checked off *get a job* and *leave the state I was living in* and *start driving*#and two of those are still going well!#mostly I mean. I do still kinda hate driving and have almost killed myself on accident twice#but really the point is im trying lots of new things and figuring out what works and what doesnt!#im not just living but im alive and thats all that needs to matter#the pain of all of this is the proof im alive and I can still feel. I just am convincing myself thats a good thing
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noisy-weasel · 7 months
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Man how do you explain to your parents that no I don't have a future like stop pitching all these ideas to me because you sound insane. Like I guess they genuinely don't realize how close to death I am. I'd already be gone but there's no knives in the house Sharp enough. Like that's the ONLY reason I am alive. Period. And the fact I'm still here is so fucking stressful because every second I'm still alive is money and energy my family is wasting on me and I fucking hate hate hate it. Honest to god forcing people who are horribly suicidal to continue living is a crime like every year I'm still here increases how awful I feel tenfold and I should be able to buy pills that can kill myself just over the counter and there's just no excuses that I can't
#i know that sounds insane but if you've ever been horribly social you'd know how sure i am of this#it's genuinely a for society to try so hard to keep me here but there's also no resources to make me better#no healthcare no therapists can't even get afucking antidepressant without a therapist#at Least while i was still on my dads insurance my doctor couldn't put me on any#and then he forwarded me too a therapist that ALSO didn't prescribe pills#i couldn't pay for the sessions because of course i can't so WHYYYYY AREN'T YOU JUST LETTING ME KILL MYSELF???#like do you see how this doesn't make sense????#personal#suicide tw#srsly tho my parents just trying to pretend I'm not suicidal but i am genuinely going to be dead before 30 that's not a Joke that's#something i know in my heart is true#i was actually all planned and ready to kill myself when my parents went up both in July but my mom got sick and stayed home#it literally ruined everything#ahhhhhggg being alive sucks so much i feel so broken and worthless#someone buy me a knife please please please please#and honestly i think it's gotten to a point where i view getting a job as death#because i know i NEED a job because I'm nothing but a burden but i also know the moment i have money I'm starting a ticking click to my end#new killing myself is simply inevitable so getting a job ill hate (i have no prospects bc college too expensive and barely any experience#which will simply funnel me into a soul crushing American retail job)#so it's just like okay... my paychecks will be going toward a knife or a gun and itll be literally imposible for me to live if i have a#means of dying
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amysubmits · 6 months
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Owning Me Is Complicated
Occasionally I come across content that makes it seem like being a Dom is easy.
Order her around, make her do the things you don't want to do, do whatever you want, "win" all the disagreements because you're the dom - or even silence her from disagreeing with you to begin with. Get sex exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it. She's just a living, breathing object that can and will do whatever you want. She has no needs other than to make your life easier. She's your own personal robot, but with a body you want to fuck. Being a dom is like a regular relationship but without the emotional labor. I'm sure there are other gender versions out there too, but I see the M/f version most often. It's so funny to me how absurd that all is compared to real life.
Owning me is complicated. Owning me means doing way more emotional labor than a vanilla relationship would require, not less.
Yes, I do what he says - but he's responsible for making the best decisions he can. He's in charge, so keeping me physically and emotionally safe is his responsibility. It's a huge part of how he earns my submission. It's no small thing to make decisions when making them well is part of how he keeps me safe and keeps me open and trusting towards him. Yes, I'll try to push my sexual limits for him - but I have complex emotional needs that accompany physical intimacy. Use my body without having respect for my physical and mental health and it'll fall apart real quick. And once again, making a reckless decision here that would leave me damaged and could forever damage our dynamic. Sure, he can take his cock out anytime and instruct me to suck and I will, but that doesn't mean it's all fun and games. He has the burden of double and triple checking that he isn't pushing me too far, or taking too much as to leave me empty. Yes, he gets the final say in disagreements, but he earns that by hearing me out. He couldn't keep me submissive if he didn't respect my feelings. I can't feel respected if I'm not heard. So he has to hear me out and really listen. And then his job is to attempt to get the best outcome for both of us. He has to try to balance our needs, because if either of us gets neglected, we individually suffer and then the relationship suffers. So he sometimes deals with the weight of threading the needle between his needs and mine, his wants and mine. His shoulders carry the weight of those choices. Yes, he can deny my wishes - and even my needs for a time, if he chose. But I am human. How long can he deny me things that bring me pleasure before I start to feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, thrown out? Resentment would set in eventually. Self-protection would kick in eventually...and it might be too late by then, the damage may be done by the time I would wake up to look around and decide I didn't want to live like this anymore. Why would he want to even find out, given that he loves me? He wouldn't. He has a sadistic streak, so he likes to deny me things I like so that I long for them even more for a while. He likes to see me eager, desperate to get it when he decides to give it. He likes to watch me tolerate discomfort for him. Playing with these ideas require a deep understanding of my needs and limits. He has to know where "desperate for you 🥺 " starts to fade and "That goblin in the back of my head is starting to worry I'm not valued" starts to enter my thoughts. Yes, I look to him to guide and lead, and he has a lot of power and control - but that comes with the ability to destroy and damage. There's nothing easy about ownership if you feel the weight of the responsibility you're carrying.
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roz-ani · 3 months
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While I know there are people who can voice their thoughts on the main plot of this episode and how it handled the SA topic, I can say that I have been Charlie once. This scene broke my heart. You're so confused because you want to help someone, and then they say they have it under control, figured out, or that there's nothing you can do. The pain you feel when the one you want to protect says you shouldn't get involved is unimaginable. The last thing you want is the victim getting hurt, but how exactly do you handle that? What if they "don't want help"? What is driving them in that situation? What if you're actually hurting them even more by doing what you feel is the right choice? You can't force someone to get help. They know it, you know it and the abuser does too. Mind you, everyone in their own way. So you just feel guilty. You share the responsibility, you carry that burden of knowing someone's going through one of the worst things imaginable. You're aware that getting involved directly is often not the solution, but helplessness is just gut-wrenching.
There are dozens of ways we can unpack it. Whether Charlie does or does not have the power/authority despite the contract being signed, how she approaches Angel's boundaries etc. We need to remember that this is Hell, so sexual exploitation and violence are not as shocking. Yet, to someone with Charlie's heart and beliefs, and to the show's audience, it's still repulsive, still something that should not be taking place. I know I certainly don't have the strength to discuss this.
I saw that many people were highly critical of this episode a week ago. Today, I saw a lot of viewers praising it for the way the issue was handled and for making them feel understood. Some moments make me uncomfortable, but I don't have any problems with watching it all again. There is some part of me that thinks it's well-made, that the voice actors did a stellar job (which I think we can admit in general), that the fact it hurts a casual viewer is the main point, it's supposed to be uncomfortable to some extent...  That's the part of me that doesn't have that experience, but should those feelings be denied?  
At the end of the day, there's one thing I'm sure of - this episode should have a trigger warning
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fickleminder · 6 months
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be good
AU inspired by this prompt: Humans are born with demon counterparts to protect them. The more innocent and pure a person is, the more mean, fierce, and terrifying their demon becomes.
Halloween 2023 fic 😈
It’s one of the things your parents often told you when you were growing up.
"Behave yourself."
"They won’t hurt you if you’re good."
"Say please and thank you."
"It’s okay, they’re your best friend."
"Mind your manners."
"You can always rely on them to protect you."
"Be good, now."
You’ve had multiple shadows for as long as you could remember. No one else could see them; a person’s demon was their own after all, but you quickly realized that everybody around you only had the one. Any attempts to convince your family otherwise only led them to believe yours was a shapeshifter.
But one demon or seven, they never laid a finger on you. Sometimes they kept their distance, watching over you from afar; other times they stayed within arm’s reach, readily accepting your touch should your curiosity win out. You soon became accustomed to the chilly air around them, their cool skin a familiar comfort on days when you just needed a hug.
They were brothers too, despite not looking anything alike. You talked to them of course, wanting to know more about your protectors friends, where they came from, what they did to pass the time when they weren’t watching you. The oldest one told you that they weren't like the other demons; they were more important, had other roles to fulfill and duties to tend to, which was why they had to take turns looking after you.
"I'm sorry for being a bother," five-year-old you said. You'd been left alone more often than not, your father having passed away recently while your mother worked extra jobs to keep the both of you fed. She never neglected you when she was home, but you still felt like a burden to her.
"You're not a bother," the oldest one — Lucifer — chided you gently. "Your mother loves you, and so do we. Never forget that, understand?"
You gripped his pant leg and nodded into his thigh, only relaxing when a gloved hand reached down to stroke your hair.
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.
The wind howled outside your window and rattled the panes. Cloudy skies covered the moon, casting your room into inky blackness as you huddled under the blankets and shivered, eyes wide open and unable to sleep.
Everything seemed louder in the dark: the shrieking gusts, the creaky old floorboards, the scuttles in the walls, the scratching and rustling behind your closet door—
"It's way past your bedtime, you know."
The voice came out of nowhere, but all you felt was a sharp sense of relief knowing that you weren't alone tonight. "I'm scared," you whispered to it, clutching the sheets tighter against your body. "Can you check the closet for monsters, please?"
One of the shadows in the room seemed to grow and stretch, moving lazily towards the closet in question. You didn't dare to peek over the blankets, but you heard the door open and close as the faint noises from within fell blessedly silent.
"Better?" The voice drawled, returning to its place under your bed. "Go to sleep now. There's nothing scarier here than me."
"Thanks Belphie. Goodnight."
You let one arm dangle off the side of your bed as you finally closed your eyes. After a while, you felt a cold hand grasping yours, keeping you safe in its grip.
.
.
.
"I said I was sorry!"
"You think a simple 'sorry' is gonna cut it?!"
Bumping into other students in a crowded hallway was almost inevitable, but apparently this upperclassman took personal offense at it. The older boy hauled you up by your shirt and slammed you against the lockers while everybody else kept their heads low and gave the two of you a wide berth.
"I oughta teach you a lesson for—" He looked over his shoulder at someone you couldn't see, frowning with irritation. "Whaddya mean 'wrong person'? This twerp was the one who—"
Whatever his demon said must have convinced him, because he abruptly let go and stomped away without another word. Your knees buckled and you slid to the floor with a breathy exhale.
Someone squatted down beside you to check the back of your head, running gentle fingers through your hair to soothe you. "Are you hurt?"
"No, I was more startled than anything." You smiled at Satan, who still seemed somewhat troubled. "Can you walk me to my next class?"
"With pleasure."
That night, Satan got Asmo to read to you on his behalf, claiming he had a last minute errand to run. You didn't mind; Asmo had such a melodic voice that he might as well have sung you to sleep.
(You never saw that upperclassman in school again. People still said he transferred out.)
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.
.
The day your mother passed, you were sitting next to her and holding her hand, doing your best to ignore the beeping of the machines that monitored her vitals.
One minute she was peaceful, halfway dozed off while you spoke to her softly, the next her entire body seized up as she began mumbling incoherently.
The machines went haywire and alerted the nurses to her side. You were forced to step back and let them do their job, your panicked gaze focused on her fearful face as she writhed on the bed, as though struggling to get away from an assailant.
"No, no... I thought... Please..." were the last words you heard before someone wrapped their arms around you and turned you away.
"Don't look," Asmo cooed in your ear, moments before the shrill beeping noises became steady.
The demon guided you to sit in the hallway outside, whispering words of comfort and rubbing your back. He told you to remember how pretty your mother was before her illness, the good times you'd spent with her after all the hardship the two of you had endured, happy memories that made every second worth it.
You knew your demons would help you to work through the grief in time, but for now, you let yourself fall apart in Asmo's arms.
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.
.
"Take care on your way home."
"Thanks boss, see you tomorrow."
Closing shifts sucked, but the late hours paid well. Luckily, you had company on your walk back too, a hulking figure no one else could see but everybody still instinctively steered clear of. It made taking shortcuts through shady alleys a little safer.
Even on nights you stopped for supper at a sleazy diner, the only place still open at this godforsaken hour, nobody invited themselves into your booth or tried to strike up conversation with you. Which worked just fine, all you wanted to do was eat your food, go home, and collapse into bed.
Strangely enough, you noticed that the cook also tended to be extra generous with the portions he served you. The man was loud and gruff towards the waitstaff, but on nights you were seated at the counter, he was quiet as a mouse when setting your dish in front of you.
You could never finish it all, but you always made sure to leave a good tip anyway.
.
.
.
You stared at the numbers on the screen for the longest time, feeling conflicted. A part of you wished you had never approached your coworker to ask about the discrepancies you'd found in the accounts, not when he opened your eyes to some of the dealings that went under your boss's radar. He offered you a cut of the profits to keep your mouth shut of course, but you never imagined...
He was a good guy. Hardworking, funny, always willing to pitch in and offering to pick up a bite for you whenever he went on snack runs. You knew he went to church regularly too, so why?
A bat-like wing blocked your view of the screen, and you looked up to see Mammon smirking. "You're overthinking this," he said. "The answer's right in front of ya."
"I thought..." You bit your lip. "He isn't doing too well himself, and the company isn't a megacorp or anything but it's not like they'll notice. Shouldn't I just look the other way?"
"Ha! What he's offering ya is peanuts compared to the promotion you'll get by exposing his operation."
"I'm not in it for the money—"
"Maybe so, but it's the right thing to do, ain't it?"
"Still..."
"You won't have to worry about any retaliation." Mammon assured you with a ruffle of your hair. "I'll make sure of it."
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.
.
"—lie! It's all a lie! Listen to me, you can't trust the devils!"
"What nonsense are you watching now?" Levi leaned over your shoulder as you tilted your phone to give him a better view.
"A video that went viral recently. Some crazy dude ranting about conspiracies and whatnot."
Levi's nose scrunched up in distaste. "Sounds like he's jealous about having a wimpy lesser demon chained to him, if you ask me. These guys are just bitter they got leftovers since they aren't good people."
"I don't know, Levi. Some folks just need a bit of help, I think. And don't get me started on the whole nature vs. nurture debate."
"Well, doesn't change the fact that you can't save everybody."
"They're cultivating us, like livestock! You have to sin, SIN I say!"
"Ugh, I've had enough of this dude. Can you change the channel? We haven’t watched the latest episode about that time-traveling god yet.”
"Ooh, you’re right! Give me a sec to log into my account…"
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.
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Lucifer hummed in amusement. "Excuse me?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend." You scrambled to clarify your earlier statement. "It's just— I've known you and your brothers for so long that you don't look scary to me, not anymore. I'm not saying you guys should be monsters or anything, but... Does this mean I'm a bad person?"
"Demons have many forms not meant for mortal eyes," he explained patiently. "And you should know that humans are neither fully good nor bad, but often somewhere in-between. In any case, why would we ever wish to frighten you, hm?"
"Told you it was a silly question..." You grumbled under your breath.
Lucifer squeezed your shoulder. "You’re a good person. You always try your best to do the right thing, even without our guidance to keep you from going astray. I don't say this lightly: I’m proud of you."
You hid your warm cheeks in the demon's chest as you hugged him for all you were worth. "...Thanks Luci."
"Anytime. Now, off you go. Don't keep Beel waiting."
Lucifer watched as his younger brother filled the empty space next to you, holding your hand while walking you home. The hour was late and the streets were dark; it wouldn't do to have anything unsavory happen to you before you made it home safely.
Yes, they needed to keep you safe at all costs. A pure and innocent being like you was hard to come by, perhaps only once every millennia or so. He and his brothers had fought for the right to you, to nurture and polish your soul for when the time was right. And when it was, you would be—
"Delicious," Lucifer whispered, baring his fangs as he licked his lips.
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captainsparklefingers · 7 months
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One of the things I'm taking away from the second go round of Dracula Daily (and particularly from David Ault's excellent performance in Re: Dracula) is how much I like Lord Arthur Godalming.
Like. On the surface and the first time round he stands out the least of Lucy's suitors, and given how much time we hear from Jack, he can come off the most developed. Quincy, of course, gives us a heck of a lot of personality with relatively little (again, compared to how much we get from Jack). Arthur, though, doesn't have the same volume of words to develop, nor the instantly clear personality. He's just Lucy's fiancee, Jack and Quincy's friend, the heroes of light's wealthy benefactor.
But God, this poor man. He's suffered several immense losses in a very short period, been forced to see the woman he loved as a monster, and then had to put her down so she could rest in peace. Beyond the emotional burdens of such losses, he has to deal with the legal matters and the settling of affairs for three different people, probably doing whatever one needs to do to take his father's place in the House of Lords (something I know absolutely nothing about but I assume there's things to do there), AND the earth shattering revelation the supernatural is real, monsters do exist, and the one who killed Lucy is still out there.
And all of that while having to abide by the Victorian standards of manhood. Stalwart, strong, showing no emotions that could make him seem weak.
I think the scene in September 30th, where Mina comforts him and finally he has the chance to let go of all of these burdens he's felt he must carry alone, all of the grief and sorrow he's been forced to carry, he can for at least a moment put aside the mask of manliness society insist he wear and just let himself be a man who has lost his father and his fiancee within days of each other, who is dealing with situations beyond belief.
Obviously we've seen him cry and grieve before but it always felt like he was stifling it to a degree because, well. He only has his male friends to lean on now and the stupid proprieties of society mean he can only lean so much. But now he's had a chance to finally let go, made a connection with Lucy's dearest friend and a new sister of choice. He has his friends, he's finally been allowed to mourn in the way he's truly feeling...and now he's ready to help in whatever way possible to avenge Lucy.
Arthur comes off to me as a very strong character, a man driven by great love, who's emotions, as constrained as they may be, are one of his greatest strengths (and, of course, every good monster hunting group needs a financial benefactor). He's not a flat character at all, he's not forgettable character. Lucy loved him for a reason and, I think, in the moment his grief finally breaks, we get a glimpse at that.
I think that one of the good things of Dracula Daily has been making people realize how good of a character Jonathan Harker is, how pop culture has done damage to the true character of Lucy and Mina…I think we should add that its done a good job of making one care for a character as Arthur, who at first glance seems flat and boring.
Or at least it's made me appreciate him more. And I still want to know how he and Jack and Quincy became friends and what sort of shenanigans they got up to before the events of the book.
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mechaknight-98 · 4 months
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Best Buddies Ft SinB (NSFW)
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Authors note: I'm releasing my Wednesday release a bit early because I understand that not everyone may like it so I might as well get it out of the way. If you enjoy cool. Feel free to tell me what you like and who you would like to see next.
You enter the code for your apartment tired, and frustrated. Your apartment has always felt cramped. Like a rat inside of a cage. You hated it the artificial lights grated on your senses. You yearned for the countryside or any respite from this artificial city. Before your fury could stew further a voice rings out in comfort.
"Aye, you look like shit," SinB says to you as you walk into your shared small abode. you smirk as she has the temperature just right to shake off the cold, and the smell of pizza fills the air.
“How do you know you can't even see me?” you yell.
“I have seen you come home enough times to know when you'll look like shit. Especially when you're 2 hours late.” SinB chortles.
You smirk at SinB before retorting, "Well yeah some of us have to work normal jobs where we look like shit." you smile when SinB comes into view. Her resting serious face appears stern but to you, it was a facade as you walked over to your buddy. You hug her tightly. SinB looks at you while you hug her
“What’s got you smiling so much?” SinB asks intrigued as she breaks away and walks around you.
You smile harder as you answer “Nothing just happy to be home with friends.” you loved her tough exterior hiding her soft and goofy heart.
“Ah now don't go all sappy on me. It's annoying,” SinB replies feigning an annoyed tone that you knew she was happy to see you.
“Well with the day I had, I get the right to be.” you challenge.
SinB stops in front of you and holds your hands. She watches as they violently shake with the remaining workday jitters and anger
“You need a new job, I can feel your body tremble with rage. Why do you let them treat you like that?” SinB says plainly
“Why are you hiring?” you tease.
SinB smacks your arm as she laughs. Her response is biting, short but true“I'm serious I can feel how sad and angry you are. Why do you let these people walk all over you,”
“I know it's just…” you begin
“I know I know you have to be guarded and can't “expose yourself to harm” but you being the considerate one harming you. consider finding a better environment” SinB implores you
You shrug this job was a massive pain to get and you didn't want to leave SinB hanging so you throw her a bone, “Well if you know where I should look, I will,” you reply
SinB pouts as she watches your features, she eyes you up and down as you change out of your work clothes into normal clothes, “Why don't you go back to photography? You were so good at it!”
You sigh as you've had this conversation over and over “It didn't pay the bills.”
SinB grins mischievously as she counters, “If I remember correctly it paid most of them before we met.”
You groan remembering the context, “Well, that was before we began living together in this dump.”
As you walk to grab a slice of cheese Pizza SinB narrows her eyes and asks “Maybe then we should move back to the countryside at least for a bit. You can go back to photography and I can still focus on Viviz”
Your eyes spring back to life as you excitedly say, “I love that! how about we do that three months from now sound?”
SinB pouts and groans at your lack of impulsivity, “I’m okay with it but I'd rather you quit tomorrow.”
You look at SinB worried “SinB you know I can't do that”
SinB steals your slice and with a partially full mouth garbled “Why not? What happened to my country boy who wanted to document the world?”
“I think he moved in with a famous pop star and needed to not be a burden to her, I need to be careful” you respond
SinB smiles and chuckles. when you walk into the small kitchen area of your apartment you see SinB who smiles at you. She walks over to you and stares at you her adorable pout lives up the oppressively dull apartment you lived in. She gets closer and hugs you as she does she hands you a slice of pizza it's Hawaiian, your favorite.
“You need to get out of Seoul,” SinB says as she caresses your back. You nod as you take a bit of pizza
"Ah, my favorite. what's the occasion?" you ask curious. SinB smiles
She purses her lips before saying, "Well I thought I should get something for my best Buddy before I leave for my world tour."
You smile proud of her and all of her hard work. You take a bite of Pizza then say, "Oh right Congrats. So is this your going away party? Also, this is the reason I can't leave tomorrow we have too much going on "
SinB smiles before she says seductively, "Something like that."
You tilt your head to look down at her. Her eyes are full of excitement but also nerves, which makes you worry so you ask a teasing question."But don't you want to be with your family, friends, or members?" you tease as you finish your Pizza slice
The air drastically shifts from loving to lustful "Well, I would but I couldn't do this. SinB says before bringing you into a lurid and fevered kiss. She also squeezes your ass and begins to massage it. when you feel her tongue venture into your mouth you break the kiss. a trail of saliva being the only remnant of the lip lock. SinB licks her lips.
"So this isn't an innocent meeting between friends?" you ask with feigned annoyance.
"Oh Please it's been a week since we've fucked." SinB said bluntly. She pouted at you before continuing, "We need this. Plus I know you have been dreaming about my body. I know yours has been running around in my mind." as she speaks she closes in on you again and firmly grabs your ass before bringing you in for another kiss. this one is even more hot and heavy than the last. you stay with her in this moment getting lost in each other's taste. When I pull away from SinB she smirks evilly which in this context can only mean one thing. "God I love your ass. I can't wait to pound it to oblivion." SinB mewls as she leads you to the bedroom. Your eyes roll.
"is this the only reason you took a chance on a foreigner like me, just so you could use my ass?" you question your friend with benefits.
"No you pillowy ass is just the icing on the cake. You're kind, smart, honest, and tough so I can be me when I am with you as opposed to SinB the K-pop star. I can be Hwang Eunbi the lady." SinB said wistfully.
You tilt your head at her words, as they stirred your heart not to lust but to care, despite being Lusty partners you had grown to care for Eunbi the girl, and weren't just in it for SinB the star. In the mundane moments you gathered while living together you learned a lot about her. Her likes her dislikes. Her apprehensions and her relations. Besides her members, you were probably the one who knew her best, but that went both ways. When SinB looked into your eyes she saw her “cuddle bear”. She saw the soft-hearted but fierce-minded guy whom she was trying hard not to fall for. She respected your opinions and insights on the world. So seeing you so furious with no recourse at her up. You smile at Eunbi and realize you've fallen for her. This revelation of hers was news to you so you ask, "So would you rather me call you Eunbi?"
Eunbi's eyes cloud over with lust as she stares at you hungrily, "OOh, I like that say it again." she demands in her "Sex starved tone."
"Uh Eunbi." Eunbi's eyes disappear as she smiles with a brightness that can rival the sun. You truly love her goofy eye smile and wish she would wear it all the time. In your opinion it was better than most of the other accessories she would often wear. When she regains her composure she pushes you into the bedroom and locks the door.
"Strip," she commands. you do as she commands as she strips as well. when you are both naked as the day you were born you approach your "friend with benefits."
"I'd usually say take me to dinner first but we kinda already did that." you tease which causes Eunbi to laugh as she looks for her strapon. you kiss her forehead and keep her close for a bit which she appreciates but also she's needy and goes back to her searching.
When she finds the strap she puts it on and sashays back to you before she bends you over the bed and slaps your ass she watches as the flesh jiggles with delight.
Eunbi’s dainty hand actresses your rear, “okay babe relax.”
You hear Eunbi’s slip of the tongue and turn to face her, as you say “Babe?” Eunbi blushes before telling you to shut up. You hear her spit and try to relax.
"Okay, I am going to start, and then after that rail me until I can't walk anymore," Eunbi says with eyes glazed over by need and lust but lit with excitement. As She fastens the strap she moans as one of the heads is driven deep into her pussy. You breathe as she impales you
“God I forgot how tight you were relax babe it will be fine,” Eunbi assures you, and in her eyes you see concern. You know she wants you to feel as good as she does and doesn't want you hurt. So you slow your breathing and calm the jitters. As she thrusts into you again the stresses and annoyances of work wash away. “Atta boy babe,” SinB says as she slides in and out. You moan which makes Eunbi swell with joy. “You like how I fuck that fat ass babe.”
“Oh yes” you moan Eunbi smiles as she keeps thrusting. Despite the uncanny feeling of being pegged. It was a pleasant still euphoric experience. As Eunbi continued her thrusts you moan to her “Oh god yes take all your stress out on my fat ass dominate it.” you almost yell to Eunbi. As she pounds into your ass this strange feeling of compertion sets in. It drives you wild to watch your friend? Have her way with you. So you egg her on even harder letting yourself submit to her. “Oh don't you love this fat ass that ripples each time you pound into it?” you say as you watch Eunbi lose control.
She pulls your back up and says “I love this slutty ass. It's all mine too, and no one else. I love that this fat ass is only mine to fuck and mine to ruin. I love it.” Eunbi says as she continues to speed up her thrusts. You see sweat build on her body, but then you feel your head being jerked to her eyes.
“Be a good boy for me babe and roll those pretty eyes back.” as she says that she goes deeper than you've ever felt and you scream. Eunbi moans “There's my good boy. The good boy who’s always so supportive of me and everything I do. The good boy who left his photography job so he could live with me. The good boy who lets me ruin his ass. That's who you are. Don't let anyone tell you different.” Eunbi says as she continues to pound into you. While she does so Eunbi begins stroking your dick while she fucks you. You Moan and writhe in her arms overwhelmed. seeing this Eunbi decides to send you over the edge. “Is my good Boy gonna cum. Because I think my good boy needs it. Forget about work forget about your terrible boss just focus on me, good boy. Let me take care of you.” to send you over the edge she nibbles on your right ear. her actions and words meteor you over the edge. You start cumming and can't stop your seed flying all across the bed. Eunbi smiles as she continues to use your ass chasing her release now as she watches your cock viciously spray all over the bed. After your orgasm ends you lay on the bed as she continues to rail you Eunbi smiles as she sees your body release the tension you've held since you walked in the apartment.
this stokes the flames of Eunbi’s lust which push her to fuck you harder. You turn your back to watch Eunbi lose herself to the pleasure of her bright smile plastered all over her face
“Babe” she groans you turn to face her “I'm cumming.” you smile as she moans and screams before falling on top of you. You scoop up the smaller lady and you both lie on the bed. Removing the cum stained comforter first obviously. The saccharine scent of sex permeates the bedroom as the two of you lie down together. “I have never seen you cum that much or that violently,” SinB says with a raised eyebrow
You smile as you fix her hair before saying, “Well yeah how could I not when my best buddy takes such good care of me.”
SinB blushes and pouts as she says “Well someone has to take care of my good boy since he won't do it for himself.”
The atmosphere goes from lurid to chaste as you lay next to Eunbi. Your body eases more as she plays with your hands. She turns and boops your nose, and your heart explodes causing you to say, “I love you Eunbi.”SinB’s eyes widen at your statement and she goes silent. You watch as her brain squirms and tries to process your statement and her own emotions regarding you.
“You’re a dick you know that.” SinB says.
You laugh as she continues to play with your hair, “I told you this would get messy and that's why I didn't want to start this relationship.”
“I know Mr. Know it all but couldn't you have been less annoying about it?” SinB asks pointed you shrug at her question.
“You’ve been so good to me and providing me such peace in all of this how could I not fall for you?” you ask Eunbi
Eunbi smirks and says, “I am pretty great aren't I?” you nod and she starts kissing you again while rubbing your hardening cock at a egregiously slow pace. You groan as the kiss breaks. Eunbi stares at you with wanton eyes, you know what she wants. You get up and move her to her favorite position; doggy. You rub your rod across the edge of her folds. She is absolutely drenched to the point of it pooling under her cunt and as you continue to tease her she yells at you. “Stop teasing me. Be a good boy and rail me.” you smile and oblige like the good boy you are. Your first thrust into SinB is much like her subtle but overwhelming. Shes is always tighter than you think she would be and as you bottom out slowly in her she mewls in fervent pleasure, you groan as she moans saying,”oh yes Zod fill me.”
“Shit Eunbi. How are you always so tight?” you question
“I'm always tight for my good boy,” Eunbi says with a wicked smile before you begin to thrust. You start slowly hoping to give her time to adjust but she yells at you to go faster and harder she can take it. So again you are obliged you watch as she loses herself to the pleasure and says “God you fill me so well.” and as her breath hitches she becomes impossibly tight, oh God I'm cumming” SinB yells as she begins to squirt all over the bed. A first for the both of you actually since you had never seen this before. Her tightness is so overwhelming in fact that it forces you out of her as she rides her orgasm. While her body rages on without you watching as continues chasing the high. After SinB calms down you look at the mess she made and sigh. She looks at you apologetically as you gesture for her to get up so you can wash all of the bedding now. As the two of you wait you go back to the now-cold pizza and begin eating it well you just dive right in Eunbi heats hers up in the oven “like a civilized person” but cold pizza is delicious so you ignore her remark as you continue eating. SinB smirks and after her pizza is finished she sits next to you. She leans on you as the two of you eat pizza naked in your shared apartment.
“Hey Zod why did you agree to move in with me?” Eunbi asks.
“I thought it would be fun. I didn't expect We’d become so close,” you respond
“Do you like us being so “close?” she asks. I can hear the worry in her voice and I respond
“Despite hating this workload and culture I have never once regretted the time we've spent together and would do it all over again,” you answer
SinB looks at you surprised to hear you say such kind words, “oh you've fallen for me hard.” she teases. You nod.
SinB pouts, “How do you do it? How do you stay so calm when everything around you is on fire.” she asks
You turn to her with a simple response, “I always weigh the cost of losing my cool. At work if I hit Mark for saying something smart about you I won't be able to see you anymore.” you say calmly
“So you endure all this for me?” Eunbi asks
“No, you are just icing on the cake.” you tease Eunbi which causes her to hit you.
“I love you too best buddy,” Eunbi says as she leans into you again
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can you do a jake x reader smut where we have a huge argument and hes js so mad that he js fucks the anger out of the both of us? idk what else to say that js sounds hot as shit
😩😩😩😩😩😩
Sex as a solution to arguments? Yes please.
(irl it's not tho, babes. Keep that in mind 🙃)
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He's never back this late. He's never this late. Something must've happened. Something's wrong...
You chew on your nails as you pace your tent, heart racing, your thoughts eating away at you.
Where is he?
This isn't the first time Jake has gone on patrol at night. And it's the first time he's not back when he's supposed to be. But he's over two hours late...what could have possibly happened?
You're aching to hop on your ikran and find him, but you know the rules. You can't go out, you have to wait for him to come back.
It feels like years have passed by the time he finally shows up.
“Jake!” you gasp as he walks into your tent. You look him over, ensuring he's unhurt, finding a few bruises and a few scratches, but nothing major. “What happened?”
He gives you a sheepish look. “I, uh...Tsu'tey and I kinda got caught up 'cause we were chasing these palulukan off, and it sorta led us astray so it took a while to get back.”
You exhale sharply. “Again? You know your job isn't to mess around with the forest creatures, Jake. You're supposed to just keep a lookout for the Sky People.”
He shrugs slightly. “Well, yeah, but it's also fun sometimes.”
You can feel anger spark within you. “Fun?” you echo, crossing your arms. “I've been sitting here worried for the past two hours! And you're out having fun?”
He sighs softly. “I didn't mean to make you worry, I just—”
You scoff, cutting him off. “You never mean to make me worry. You always say so, and yet you keep doing it over and over again!” you snap.
“Hey, I've the right to go out there and have some fun. There's nothing wrong with that,” he replies, raising his voice. His amber eyes flash with frustration, his tail swishing uneasily.
“Maybe you could keep in mind the fact that I'm here waiting for you!” you yell back. “You're so self-centered, only thinking about having fun while I'm here wondering whether you're even fucking alive!”
He sighs. “You think it's intentional? That I leave you here to scare you?”
“I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you could be a little more mindful about me and maybe at least tell me beforehand that you're going to be late because you're going to be messing around with the forest creatures.”
“So now I have to report my every move to you?” he scoffs. “You want me to inform you of everything I fucking do?”
You exclaim, “That's not what I fucking mean and you know it. I'm just saying that it's not fair for you to leave me here, waiting for you without you telling me you might be late.”
“Even if I fucking told you, you'd make a big deal about it,” he snaps. “If I'm back late, you're upset. If I got distracted during patrol, you get upset. And apparently, if I don't tell you everything I'm going to do, you get upset.”
You exhale sharply. “You make it sound like I'm controlling you when you damn well know I'm worried for you.”
“Maybe you shouldn't worry. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself.”
“I'm just trying to help you!” you yell.
“Maybe you're only a burden instead of help!” he yells back.
You laugh bitterly. “That's it, then. You don't need me for anything else than to cook and have dinner waiting when you come home.” You sneer, but tears of anger and pain are welling in your eyes. “I see how it is, then.”
He narrows his eyes at you. “Don't you dare get that way with me, you know you're more than that.”
“How should I fucking believe you?” you yell. “All you have to show for how you feel are your empty words!”
“Just my empty words?” he scoffs. “I'm making sure this village is safe—that you're safe, and you complain?”
“Complain?!” you snap. “I'm worrying about you and you're being the ungrateful ass that you are!”
“I am not ungrateful, I just don't understand why you're so upset about this! It's my life, I don't have to keep you updated about everything, you know. I can take care of myself.”
You throw him a deadly glare. “I guess you'll always be human in that way, then. Because us Na'vi actually take care of one another.”
And that's it. The final straw for him. He loses it, anger flashing in his eyes as he grabs you by the throat and pulls you to him, roughly pressing his lips to yours.
“You—!” you exclaim, pushing him off you. He doesn't get to treat you that way and kiss it all away.
But he's stronger than you. He grabs you tight, holding you close, his lips forcing yours open and sliding his tongue into your mouth.
You gasp softly, hating how much you're enjoying this, wishing you had the willpower to move away. But you don't.
One of his hands starts going south, tracing over your torso, down your abdomen, to your pussy. He touches you through your loincloth, fingers pressing against your clit through the thin fabric.
You feel what he's doing and a semblance of sense pops back into your head. He can't treat me like that and fuck me and expect me to forgive him.
You bite his lip, making him grunt softly, but he holds you close, kissing you even though the taste of his blood invades your tongue.
He tugs you to him, holding onto your hip, his other hand undoing your loincloth before caressing your cunt, spreading your folds and touching you just the way he knows will make you wet.
You try not to, hope it doesn't get to you, but you find yourself whining, nails digging into his skin. “Jake—”
He shuts you up with another kiss before leading you to the ground. You're pissed, you want to keep fucking yelling and crying and making him angry. Instead, you let him. You let him take you to the floor, let him undress you, and in turn, you tug his loincloth off.
He chuckles darkly when he realizes that you're as eager as he is.
He runs the thick head of his cock between your folds, gathering the wetness at your entrance before sliding into you.
You whine softly, pussy throbbing around his long, thick cock.
“There you go,” Jake groans when his hips meet yours. “Oh, fuck.”
You grab onto his shoulders and he gives no warning as he starts rutting into you, the tip of his cock bruising your delicate cervix, each thrust knocking the breath from your lungs.
“Asshole,” you seethe between heavy breaths and little whimpers. “You're an asshole.”
“Shut up,” Jake says, pressing his lips to yours, kissing you like he's starving, like he's trying to tell you everything without saying a word.
You wrap your legs around his waist, your eyes fluttering shut, your body trembling as he fucks you.
You kiss Jake back with everything you have, all the anger, all the fear, all the love—all of it. You pour it onto his lips, your sharp canines dragging over his tongue when it slides inside your mouth, and he shudders softly.
He groans lowly as he breaks the kiss, moving his mouth to your neck. You mewl as he increases his pace, making your legs jerk with each hard thrust.
He bites on the skin of your neck, sucking on it, and you gasp. You already know the hickey you're going to have in the morning.
“This what you fuckin' needed, hm?” he says, biting you again. “You just needed me to teach you some fucking manners.”
You sink your nails into his back, making him grunt. “Stop fucking talking,” you seethe, your voice a mere whine as he continues to rut into you.
The sound of your soaked pussy is loud in your tent, the slap of Jake's hips against yours making you blush with the obscenity of it all.
Jake bites down on your shoulder, hard, and you fold your ears back, hissing softly. But the pain only adds to the pleasure. It makes you gasp and tremble, a heat spreading in your womb as he keeps fucking you.
You want to complain. You want to bite him and punch him and kiss him and tell him you love him. He's so infuriating, so fucking annoying. You hate that you can never stay angry at him, hate that he always finds the way to get your heart to soften for him. You wish you were immune to his charms, but it's damn near impossible for you.
You tangle your hands in his hair and pull, drawing his face to yours so you can kiss his lips. You feel him grin slightly as you do, his soft lips smirking into the kiss as you moan.
The pleasure within you is spreading, reaching across your skin like vines, taking root and making you see stars behind your eyelids.
You begin bucking your hips up, gasping as you feel yourself closer to the edge. You try to match Jake's pace, but he's going too hard for you to keep up. Besides, he's already fucked you half dumb, there's not much you can do but take it.
Jake can tell when you're going to come. He can feel the way your pussy grows tight around him, sucking him in, making it harder for him to fuck you. Still, he keeps going, relishing in the sensation of your slick dropping down his balls. He grunts with each thrust, ensuring he fucks you as deep as he can and in return, he receives your little whimpers and moans. He watches your face as your eyes roll into the back of your head, and he knows you're right there.
And still, the stubborn little thing you are, you bite your lip, trying to keep quiet as you come, but Jake fucks you harder, forcing you to let out a gasp followed by a loud moan that has his own orgasm nearing.
He continues to rut into you, again and again, groaning and gasping until he comes. His load fills you, making you shiver, and he's left caging you under him, your body trembling.
He pulls out of you, leaning on his knees to see the way his cum drips out of your swollen, raw pussy.
His eyes scan up your body until he meets your gaze, and something within him softens.
He crawls beside you, laying down at your side and spooning you. You cross your arms, obviously still upset, and he presses a few soft kisses on your shoulder.
“I'm sorry,” he tells you, his voice quiet and gentle. “I'm sorry. You're right, you're only worrying about me, and I'm being an asshole. I didn't mean to scare you, baby. I never do. Sometimes I just get carried away by the excitement when we're out in the field. But I promise it won't happen again. Truly.” He kisses the side of your neck, one of his hands caressing your hip. “I'm sorry, baby. I'm truly sorry. I'll let you know beforehand when I plan on taking a little longer out during patrol.” He kisses your cheek gently. “I love you. So much. And I don't want you to think that all I need you for is to take care of the house. You know you're everything to me. You're my sun and my moon and my stars. You're everything. Without you, I'd be empty. You know that. Please, baby, don't ever think that you're nothing but an asset to me. Because you're not. You're my woman, my wife, my baby. You're everything to me, love. I don't know what I'd do without you.”
You turn around to face him, your eyes softened.
“Do you forgive me?” he asks softly.
You smile gently at him. “You're forgiven,” you say.
Relieved, Jake leans towards you and places a soft kiss to your lips. He doesn't know what he'd ever do without you.
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@kamcrazy123 @yagirlheree @sweetllamaparadise @neytirishottie @crazy4books1
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vodika-vibes · 5 months
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Can I request a Cody and reader one shot with the theme of overworking? The reader is in a position in which she’s being overworked (whether it’s bec it’s the natural workload for the reader or bec the reader’s coworkers is relying on them to help finish their workload) and Cody’s just trying to coax them to take a break and destress with him. Thanks! 💖
Overworked
Summary: You're doing too much, and Cody knows it.
Pairing: Commander Cody x Reader
Word Count: 1047
Warnings: Insecurity (brought about by exhaustion and mean-girl coworkers)
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni
A/N: Hihi! I'm sorry this took so long, but I hope you like it! It took me a while to come up with good words to make this word well! ^-^
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You like your job. You do. It’s just that some times of the year, your job sucks worse a little more than others. And you know you shouldn’t complain. Your job pays you well enough that you’re able to live in a higher district on Coruscant, and your own boyfriend doesn't get paid at all-
You’re lucky. The fact that your coworkers expect so much from you is a good thing.
You just have to keep reminding yourself.
You stare at the spreadsheet laid out in front of you, and you tangle your hands in your hair. You’re working on hour 12 of your normally 8 hour workday, and you’re on hour 60 of this workweek.
You’re exhausted. Bone deep exhausted. But you can’t rest until the spreadsheet is fixed.
Besides, Cody does a lot more than 60 hour weeks and he never complains, so it’s not far for you to complain about a little extra work. You slide your hands to the back of your neck, and try to work some of the painful knots out. 
It’s not going to work. It never does. But you also feel like you can’t, shouldn’t, ask Cody for help. Because he will. He’ll come in and he’ll dote on you, and you won’t finish your work, and…well, the last thing you want is to be more work for Cody.
So you’ll power through. It’s fine.
You drop your hands back to your desk, and you start going through the spreadsheet again, line by line, number by number. 
And then you jump when you feel warm hands against the back of your neck, “Cyare,” Cody’s voice is low, “You’ve been at this for hours. You need a break.”
“I’m almost done,” You reply as you relax under his touch.
“You said that three hours ago, mesh’la.”
You both pause when your datapad dings, and another spreadsheet comes through your email, and your face falls. “Just a little more, Cody. I promise.”
He hums thoughtfully, and then he slides his hands from your neck to your shoulders, and he digs his thumbs into the tense muscles there. You yelp, and then, as he starts slowly massaging your shoulders, your shoulders slump. “Is there a reason you’re working so hard, cyare?”
“It needs to be done,” You mumble.
“I know, baby. But you shouldn’t have to pull 12 hour shifts and 50 hour work weeks-”
“60.” You correct as you lean back into his touch.
Cody huffs out a sharp breath, “That’s worse. Tell me you understand that that’s worse.” He presses a light kiss to the top of your head, “Come on, cyare. Take a break, the work will wait.”
“I don’t-”
“I’ll give you a full body massage, love. With the oils you like so much.” He moves his lips from the top of your head to your neck, and you can’t help but to sigh in pleasure at the feel of his warm lips against your skin. “Nothing strenuous. Just relaxing.”
“Sounds nice,” You mumble.
“It does, doesn’t it.” He sounds smug about it too.
A low sigh falls from your lips and you reach up to lightly trail your fingers against his cheek, and then up into his hair, “I’m sorry.”
Cody pauses, “For what?”
Your smile is slightly wry, “For being just another burden for you to take care of.”
At that he stops moving. And then he moves very fast, spinning your chair so you’re facing him, and he’s kneeling in front of you, his hands warm against your face, “If I’ve ever done or said anything to make you think that I don’t love taking care of you-”
“No, it’s not you, Cody.” You interrupt gently, “I think it of myself.”
“Your brain is playing tricks on you, cyare. Acts of service, taking care of you, it’s how I express my love. You know that.”
“I do.” You agree as you press your cheek against his hand. “Just…some of my coworkers said something, and-”
“And they don’t know me. They barely know you.” He smooths his thumbs over your cheeks, “Why are you letting them get into your head?”
“I don’t know.” You admit with a sigh, “Maybe I’m just tired.”
“I’m sure you are.” He stands and helps you to your feet, lightly tugging you so that you’re pressed against him, and Cody presses feather light kisses across your face, “Why don’t you tell me what your coworkers say?”
“Stupid things. I complain too much about a normal workload. That you work so much more than me, so I should just suck it up-”
Cody bumps his forehead against yours, “I hate them.”
A startled laugh falls from your lips, “Cody!”
“What? I’m not a Jedi, I’m allowed to hate.” But his lips quirk up into a small smile, “I want to hear about your life. I want to hear you complain about your work and your coworkers, and I absolutely do not want you working as much as I do.”
You sigh softly, “I know.”
“I know that you know, but you seem to need the reminder.” Cody leans in and kisses you. A series of kisses so soft and loving that you kind of want to cry. “So here’s your reminder. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
You grin at him, “I love you too.”
“Shh. I’m doting on you now. You can have your turn later.”
A giggle falls from you, and he smiles at you, “Now, I owe you a massage. Come on, little love. Off to bed with you, and get naked.”
“You just want me naked,”
“Not gonna deny that, but I’m also not getting oil on your clothes. Scoot.”
You step around him, and then pause. You turn and pull him into a deep kiss, your arms tight around his neck. And when you break the kiss, his gaze is a little hazy, “I love you so much, you know that?” You whisper.
He blinks at you, as you watch him try to reset his brain, “Maybe you should kiss me like that again, to prove it.”
You laugh and pull him back into a deep, passionate kiss, and this time his arms curl tightly around you as he holds you just as tightly.
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onlyseokmins · 23 days
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$$60 billion (part 2) • l.s.m.
How did a legendary bounty promised for turning in the wasteland's most infamous outlaw transform into a sick, little inside betting joke amongst your traveling companions? Though you have no idea why they're doing it… you sure as hell don't want that very same gunslinger comrade worth sixty billion double dollars to know anything about it either — but oops — looks like he already does! Damn you and your temper, some unhelpful lip-loosening alcohol, and one no-good, sorry excuse of a preacher you sometimes think of as a friend.
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Pairing: outlaw!lee seokmin x fem!reader Genres: smut (minors dni!), trigun!au, action!au, apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic!au, space western!au, slight enemies to comrades to ??? !au, angst, fluff, they're dumbasses your honor 🙏 Warnings: swearing, blood, guns, injuries, medical tingz, destruction, mentions of knives, violence, unsettling space western things, slight body horror and hints at altered dna, weird religious cults, mentions of eating/food, alcohol, threats, bets among friends, tame-ish alien/monster/plant sex (????? listen it'll make sense - think of him like howl's bird form on steroids idk), mating, possessiveness!, marking, bruising, jealousy, smelling/scent kink???, wet messy sex uwu, wing kink (??? listen i was gonna explore it more but decided not to ok??), BITING (bc it's me), mechanical/robotic fingering???, gagging, bulge kink, oral sex (explicit male receiving and brief fem. receiving), seokmin's dick is like SLOPPY TOPPY LORGE w/ a mind of it's own, lowkey forgot how to write smut sorry </3 WC: 13.2k of 32.7k | Part 1 | Read on AO3 A/N: this is for the Now that's 90's - A Seventeen collab and loosely based off/inspired by the Trigun anime/manga! You do not need to know it as I manipulated a whole lot of elements for my own narrative but beware of various spoilers if you do go ahead and check out the series after reading!! I hope everyone enjoys the conclusion and please check out the other writers in this amazing collab ❤️PS, I know nothing abt chess lmaooooo but let me know your thoughts and feel free to ask any questions regarding this au's intricacies!! This part might get a little confusing because of a flashback!! (starts right after the italicized paragraph and ends with "...in this moment...")
The silence is palpable.
"Does it hurt more to get stabbed in the back or shot?"
Only the continual rustling sound answers your philosophical question. Not that you actually care because you weren't really expecting a reply.
So, you keep talking.
"I think it would be more painful to get stabbed… but it would take longer to heal from a gunshot wound."
There's a brief pause in the motions behind you. But the quiet resumes, though the practiced skill of a needle threading through your skin quickens. While the local anesthetics Tonim's doctor supplied is doing its job for the most part, you swear you can still feel the tug of flesh being sewn together.
Or maybe you're just thinking too hard.
"Look. I'm… I'm sorry."
If tension could personify itself right at this moment, it would do so with ease, given how heavy its presence currently sits in the room. A low voice finally speaks up, gravely and roughened after such a long period of silence and the hairs on your neck rise.
"Are you really?"
"… Yes."
A heavy sigh — one burdened with all the worries of the world — follows. You wince and then tremble, wishing you could turn around. It's easy to guess what he's thinking but god, do you wish you could see his face to confirm. The fear of the unknown paralyzes you.
"I seriously am."
"Doubtful. I know you only asked me that question to subtly say you'll be okay and heal just fine but it's not that simple."
The callousness in his tone and the sharp way he says your first name makes you want to shrink down, shrivel up, and quite frankly die on the spot. Gritting your teeth, you succumb to the apparent silent treatment until the snip of scissors signifies your surgeon has finished treating you.
You think twice about your options upon hearing the click-clack of medical supplies being put back into the first aid kit. Then you think, "fuck it!", and use your good arm to keep the fabric of a spare t-shirt pressed against your chest and shift so you can face the man who just rather aggressively threw a handful of unused alcohol prep pads back into their designated slot.
"I'm super duper, utterly, and truly apologetic, Seok."
The gunslinger heaves another grand exhale of irritation. He doesn't even so much as glance at you, frowning sourly down at the roll of gauze in his hands instead. The temptation to reach out and touch him — soothe him — is strong but you decide against that (for various reasons) and resort to huffily pouting instead. Amazingly it seems to work, because he notices right away and folds way too easily without much of your sway, finally facing you with a reluctant but serious expression.
"Then what did you learn?"
Your gaze lowers, eyelashes fluttering while you drown in your feelings of shame and wrack your brain. The urge to toy with the silver chain around your neck is strong though you resist the tick and hesitantly answer instead.
"Um, that I need to fortify my mental block better?"
"Try again."
"Uh…"
"How about the way you're not supposed to play the hero?"
The tin of the trauma kit rattles as Seokmin slams his left hand down on the bed, leaning menacingly toward you. Though narrowed, his eyes seem to glow. You can't help but whimper at the intense ire dancing in those irises paired with his sharp tone. Like the desert's suns, it simmers and radiates off of him with rays of heat that you can easily feel given how close he is.
"I'm, I'm sorry!"
"No, you're not," he states sharply though the rigidness in his body relaxes after your squeak of another apology. "You almost died!"
You'd defiantly cross your arms if you could. "Between the two of us, you were most at risk of dying."
"Was not! And we both know my chances of injury are much, much lower than yours."
"You can't lecture me and flex your stupid powers this time! It's different 'cause Jihooon was fuckin' with my mind."
The harsh bitterness is more so directed at yourself and the damned Crimsonnail than Seokmin. But as usual, you vent all your frustrated emotions out on him, especially whenever he brings up the fragility of your mortality. You both stare stubbornly into each other's eyes, thinking back to what happened and what could've happened.
Lina's protected. The Tonim residents were all immobilized. Seungcheol, Seungkwan, and Mingyu are in good spirits. You are safe.
A burst of air rushes into Seokmin's lungs, relief filling him as he idly scans your figure for injuries. Casually reloading his revolver just in case, he beams as you approach. The mirrored expression of victory on your face accompanied by a hand reaching out causes his whole body to shudder in pleasure. There's nothing he'd like more than to intertwine his fingers with yours.
Instead, he settles for returning your enthusiastic fist bump. Nudging his shoulder against yours, Seokmin chirps out, "Good job, partner!"
"Partner?"
"Yeah, partners."
You shake your head like you can't believe him, amusement tilting up the corners of your lips. He wants to tell you everything, all of it. But his ears catch the faint click of a contraption behind him and he looks over his shoulder just in time to see Jihoon's crossbow assemble.
Joshua looks mightily displeased but makes no effort to put a stop to the Crimsonnail's actions. Seokmin can only thank his lucky stars that Soonyoung remains in a catatonic state. Dealing with a ginormous worm so soon after being in its stomach a couple days ago was not appealing in the slightest.
The fingers of his prosthesis splay out, cybernetic arm lowered and extended outwards in front of you as you turn around as well. He knows you hate unwarranted protection but you'll have to forgive his instincts this time. Nevertheless, he trusts you. And as Jihoon opens fire, Seokmin leaps into action, expecting you to do the same — only to do a double-take when you don't move despite a flurry of nails breaching the air.
Your eyes remain unfocused. Glazed over and cloudy, posture tense but still. He sneaks observatory looks your way from afar while firing Geranium. Round after round, breaking nail after nail to prevent any harm befalling you. A maniacal laughter rings out and Seokmin freezes, putting two and two together.
Then he snarls.
Jihoon must've sicced his killing intent — a nasty ability to project and create illusions of destruction in someone and break their will — on you. Cursing, he starts making his way closer to you, inwardly reaching out to you and begging that you'll break free of the blonde-haired man's clutch on your psyche.
You're obviously more than capable. He knows this. But your movements are sluggish, slowly releasing Sirocco from your grasp. The empty pistol lands on the sand with a muffled thud and Seokmin's pretty sure his heart mimics it. A look of terror and horror spreads across your facial features, surely subject to something awful within the confines of your own mind.
And while you're experiencing visions of things you fear coming true, he's stuck in the vivid reality where they do.
You spin around with a wild look in your eyes — full of rage and anguish. He stumbles back as you teeter one foot at a time toward him and in the distraction, a nail pierces right below your shoulder blade.
Someone wails behind him.
You scream.
Seokmin rushes forward. But he's tackled suddenly to the ground and ends up flat on his back. Completely winded and left with his vision smarting, blinking in confusion at the blurry double halos that definitely shouldn't be around the duo of suns in the sky.
Then your face comes into focus. And god, forget the suns — in all your glory and in all your fierceness, you shine brighter than them all combined — hallucinations be damned.
It takes a bit of wrangling around, given how you try to wrestle and pin the man down. The clunky gun you're waving around goes off several times, harmlessly lodging bullet holes into the sand cushioning around Seokmin's head.
"Stop it, you're gonna hurt yourself!"
Moving and lashing out like a wild animal before it's fully sedated, his words don't come through the hellish haze Jihoon's trapped you in. You pull the trigger with no regard for the injury to your shooting arm.
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
He dutifully counts each round fired, multitasking between that and the effort it takes to contain your struggling movements. Once again, thanks to the overpowered strength of his prosthetic, the man's finally able to sit up with you secured in his arms to cease any further movement.
"Lovely, lovely mayfly," he murmurs. The stable cybernetic hand gently feels around the impaled shoulder while a trembling thumb rubs your abnormally chilled cheek. "C'mon and snap out of it, pretty."
Not a spot of recognition in your blank glare. His eyebrows furrow as cold metal presses in between them. Seungcheol is cursing, Mingyu and Seungkwan are shouting loudly. Jihoon gloats.
But none of that matters. Seokmin drowns all of it out by diving in the pooling depths of your empty irises. Searching, calling, begging. Biting his lip, he delivers a quick slap and pleads, "Come back to me, love."
And like a mist that rises after dawn, you return to him. Your stunned grip on the gun falters, the final bullet rattling in its chambers. The pained expression on your face slices open his own heart but its shredded form takes flight in utter relief.
You're back. You're going to be okay — he'll make sure of it. And even if you don't know it, you're his and he's yours.
"Y-you're dead," you choke out and all he can do is smile despite feeling like he's on the verge of crying. Elation, anger, guilt, hope, longing, worry, joy — all of it turns and tosses within him like a rustling flurry of winged creatures struggling to break free.
So, he smiles at you and grasps the barrel of the old pistol aimed at his forehead. "I know, mayfly."
Jihoon howls in fury. Joshua finally steps forward, striking a military pose with his hands behind his back. Composed as ever, his voice remains its deceptively sweet self compared to the harsh jerking movements he's subjected upon the gray-eyed man via telepathy.
"You've crossed the line, lost number thirteen."
"Don't call me that!"
It's no surprise that the pecking order in Dokyeom's henchmen sowed seeds of dissent. Though Joshua was simply a right-hand man, he remained the only unnumbered member, proving the lack of disposability DK saw in him versus the others.
"Know your place."
"Which has always been at the top! But because of you — !"
" — The top of those already at the bottom, perhaps. Respect your superiors and your orders, Crimsonnail. You were not to lay a hand upon Master Dokyeom's brother. Ever."
"I didn't!"
"Or a member of his little group." His indifferent gaze swept over Seokmin protectively cradling your body. "This voids our involvement and nullifies any further implementations of the game."
Joshua would thank his lucky stars that the humanoid typhoon is letting them leave scotch-free if he was a decent man. Unfortunately, he's not — already considering what punishment to enact upon Jihoon per his master's orders. The Crimsonnail feels a shiver down his spine, further enhanced by Joshua's frosty, disdainful look of disapproval as he telepathically drags Jihoon to the car.
Still, it's a good thing Seokmin's a pacifist by nature, that he's more preoccupied by your well being than anything else. Your brow begins to bead with sweat, the pain of your wound finally sinking in past the adrenaline rush wearing off. Black circles dance in your blurring vision, the gun falling from your grasp as you droop forward and rely on the unerring sureness of his support and the safety within in it.
Seokmin knows he needs to get you medical help right away, and it's the only thing he can focus on. There's no time for exchanging a blow with a blow nor the faintest idea of revenge.
Not yet. Not now. Maybe never if it means putting you in harm's way.
Was he really going to give up following the bloody trail to hold his brother accountable for the unspeakable crimes he's committed? Throw away the blank ticket Rem spoke about? All for one person?
The questions all swirl around in his head like a nebulous mass. And like a newborn star — one that's been long in the making — the answer is crystal clear and shining bright as you sit in front of him now looking devastatingly beautiful to him despite all that's happened. Most importantly, you're safe.
But all he can say in this moment aloud is, "I'm sorry."
For a multitude of reasons. So many of them. You seem to spot something in his eyes, frowning ever so slightly.
"You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm fine."
"I almost lost you."
"But you didn't."
"…I know. And I'm so fuckin' glad."
Seokmin runs his fingers in a distressed manner through dusty, matted strands of reddish-brown strands. Immediately drawing attention to the dirt, grime, and dried blood coating and dulling the cybernetic's buzzing glow.
"That's gonna be a pain in the ass to clean."
He appreciates the subject change, shooting you a lopsided grin. "Yeah, tell me 'bout it."
"Let me help."
You get up before he can protest. A tactical way to coerce him into worrying about helping you rather than arguing. The coy part of yourself is applauding the method, especially when the calloused flesh of his palm splays against the bare skin of your lower back in the name of support as you both walk to the bathroom.
That same part whispers naughty temptations to drop the t-shirt covering your chest, press up against him, and see his reaction. But your reasonable, reserved side is too held up on various other matters to give in.
Sadly, you find out you can't offer as much assistance as you would've liked. But Seokmin seems heartened by just seeing you up and about and close to him. Plus, you make use of your idleness while he washes in the sink by reaching for the few stocked amenities you can reach with your good shoulder above it when he asks for them. And you receive a heartfelt smile in return.
"I probably should've just showered."
You shrug. "You still could."
"Nah, it's fine, I can do it later. What about you, though? You're going to need help with those stitches."
"What a roundabout way to say you want to bathe together, Seok. You could've just asked."
Maybe you expected him to splutter nervously or protest fiercely at the tease. You certainly don't expect him to just shake his head — silver earring flashing in the vanity's dull lighting — and chuckle.
"I'm being serious, goof. Besides, it's not the first time I've seen you in the tub."
"What?" you squawk and his grin doesn't falter. In fact, it turns into a smirk.
"I'll go get Sherry. Lina's gonna want to see you too, she wouldn't stop crying about her pretty savior getting hurt."
You frown. Was he still going to dodge The Talk™? And did he think you were really just going to him out of your clutches that quickly?
"We still need to chat. You promised."
His eyes flash. "… And you don't like promises."
Yes, that was exactly why. He knew your history. Still, you refused to back down.
"No, I don't. But I like you… and, and most of all, I trust you. I just want the truth, Seok. Even if you think it'll hurt me, at least be honest. Trust me back. I promise it'll make it less painful if you tell me why you thought I wasn't serious. So, please…"
Don't let me down.
It's unspoken, but he can clearly hear it in your tone. A battle-worn sigh escapes so you try to lead him and finish with a question where he can give a more straightforward answer.
"… How long have you known? About the bet, I mean."
Despite wavering between semi-alertness and bordering the edge of losing consciousness, you're aware of Sheryl's presence as she bustles around with Seungkwan and Mingyu to clear out an empty room above the saloon temporarily used for patients. Seungcheol waits outside the door with you two, a cigarette loosely dangling from his lips.
When Sheryl leaves, she sneaks a peek at the way your face buries into Seokmin's neck, how the man carefully assesses the rest of your body for injuries. His touch is gentle, the cybernetic arm coated in blood as it holds the nail in you steady. He'd been adamant about being the one — the best one — to treat you. Smiling, she hands Seungcheol a couple of double dollars and the pastor raises an inquiring eyebrow.
"For that little game of yours," the woman whispers knowingly and gestures to the two who just exited the room and Seokmin hurriedly heads inside. "They told me all about it."
You lift your head to glare at Seungcheol and then your other comrades as you pass, wondering if this was some sick form of revenge for pulling one on him and if Sheryl was so keen to set you up with someone in the same way pompously done for her. But your shoulder feels like it's on fire so rather than reprimand your stupid, back-stabbing friends and slump back wearily against Seokmin.
He's a simple man who certainly can't hide a silly smile at the unconventional snuggling. Lifting his chin, he then tilts his head questioningly to the money in Seungcheol's hands. "You're still doing that bet?"
"Haf'ta win the lasses 'n hopeless romantics over 'n have 'em rootin' fer ya."
"Y-you know about the bet?"
Seokmin hushes you with a low murmur, words muffled by the press of his lips to the crown of your head. You can't make out what he says, but the timbre is soothing enough that your eyes close.
"Gotta make that sixty billion somehow if we're not turnin' ya ass in."
"Fair enough!" The wanted man laughs and closes the door with his foot.
His cheerful demeanor then dropped to focus on the proper procedures to treat your wound and that's when the silence settles in, soon followed by the weighing air of unresolved tension between you. And now, you're continuing the determined path to fully speed-run ahead and break it, though he shrugs nonchalantly at the question.
"Known for a while, to be honest."
"Seriously? I thought it was a secret!"
"C'mon, you know how bad Cheol is at keeping them."
"Yeah, right," you roll your eyes. "That man takes things to the grave — literally!"
"You're too hard on him." Seokmin leans toward you, bracing himself with an arm supported by the sink and brown eyes sparkling with humor. "Think about how much you've learned about him."
"Against my will, too much…"
"Which means I'm right."
"… I guess you do make a fair point."
"Of course. He's a completely open book once you peel back that damn protective hardcover of his."
Still, you sniff disdainfully and frown. "I swear, you're the only one who sees him like that."
"Like what?"
"Like…. unafraid, unconcerned, unbothered by all that he is, all that he's done, et cetera."
"Why not? He's done the same for me. Besides, I've said it before but he has those eyes, you know. Kind."
Ah, and that's what gets you to resign with a small grin. It's just like Seokmin to see only the good in people.
"And you're not all that different," he continues with a broad, knowing smile. Immediately you bristle and he clarifies, "from me." Some part of you momentarily wonders if you spoke your thoughts aloud or if he just simply knows them that well. "As loath as you are to admit it, you care for him. Most importantly, you trust him."
Though your face sours at the thought, you don't retort right away. Sure, Seungcheol is a trusted ally. And maybe the motivation to free Jeonghan from the control of the Eye of Joshua wasn't solely because it was simply the right thing to do. But also because it might brighten the dull spark and leave one less bloodstain on the hand of a man who bore the burdensome weight of all sins like a cross on his shoulders.
Then you wave away those thoughts for now. "So, is that why you thought I wasn't serious on how I feel about you. 'Cause of the bet?"
"No, because I never knew the full extent of it. But… if you're saying it had to do with your feelings, then I would have to say yes — though I find it hard to believe any bet's worth my bounty."
"Oh." Your cheeks heat at unwittingly giving it away.
Seokmin smirks when you avoid his gaze, and he moves in even closer. "No one has sixty billion double dollars just lying around, mayfly."
"You're just saying that so no one turns you over to July."
"Well, you won't do it, will you?"
"You don't know that," you fire back, intending to heighten your defenses that only weakly falter because you're still not looking at him.
"But I do."
"Yeah? Prove it!"
Ooh, a challenge.
And one more step closer.
"Because you care too much about the man you like to put him behind bars."
Your eyes dart back to meet his, ready to squint reproachfully only to widen at how the gunslinger's face is only a breadth away from yours. Breath hitching, you desperately want to whine out in irritation but it comes out in a low whimper. Seokmin's canines flash in the bathroom's dim lighting.
"That's not, that's not fair." The wall pressing into your bare back keeps you from retreating and the hand keeping the t-shirt covering your chest feels how your heartbeat speeds up. Your skin is on fire, only the cool temperature of your locket and its chain preventing you from utterly exploding after the plaintive admission of, "You already know everything. But…"
"But…?"
The unconscious action of biting into your lower lip only gets realized by the way it keenly draws Seokmin's eyes. Electric blue flashes against brown irises yet they darken to almost black with the sudden thrill of desire that rises to the surface. He's so close, you can feel his breath caress your face, and you swear you hear it deepen into a low grunt before he raises a brow for you to continue.
"But… b-but I don't know…a single… thing."
Seokmin has forever believed Rem's take regarding the ticket to the future always being blank. For him, it's always been an unknown path forward that he's let lead him wherever and to whatever destination.
He holds himself back, just enough to utter the (practically what should be unneeded) words of reassurance, "It could only ever be you — and it's always been only you — that I could be in love with so much, mayfly," and then he's eliminating the meager distance between the two of you. For the first time, he stamps that blank ticket with an assuredness of the future and outcome he's never had before — with a kiss.
Cradling the back of your head with his cybernetic prosthesis, the other cups your cheek and then trails down to your collarbones — but no further than appropriate. His mouth, though, disregards the very notion. A teasing tongue repeatedly runs across your bottom lip to smooth out the indents caused earlier by your teeth then naughtily pokes and prods its way between, eliciting a sweet gasp from you he absolutely devours.
Your whole body shudders with happiness, eagerly surrendering to the man's wild, possessive fervor as he passionately steals the breath out of your lungs and stakes his claim on you by leaving behind shiny kiss-bitten lips. Seokmin only draws away, panting, to admire his handiwork, light-headed and dizzy with delight.
"I love you," he reconfirms with his forehead resting against yours and nose tickling your own, "… partner."
Breathlessly, you joke back after placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Love you too, partner."
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And that was that.
With your shoulder injury on the mend and the other members of your little ragtag group nursing their own bumps and bruises, you all decided to spend one more night in Tonim — much to Lina's delight. While she merrily bounced from one 'hero' to the next, you playfully reminded Wonwoo that he still owed you some free drinks. You were eager to take advantage of the fact and he was more than willing to accommodate.
The tavern that originally held a subdued, slightly hostile air to it when you first arrived was now filled with an unfettered joyous harmony. You're so easily swept up in the ambiance of such high spirits and jubilant townsfolk as mug ales filled to the brim get passed around and clinked together, you fail to notice Seokmin's sudden withdrawn nature.
Not until the next morning do you first realize something's off.
"You're sure about this?"
"Oh, no. Not you too, Seok."
You'd already flipped off and shoved away a complaining, terribly hungover Seungcheol and finally got rid of the watchful, fretting gazes of Seungkwan and Mingyu. The duo had been hovering around you with concern ever since you downed a full glass of alcohol last night. While you generally just let them be and were quite thankful not to wake up with a pounding headache, you certainly weren't above crushing all of Mingyu's pudding cups if he meekly asked one more time if you were okay or needed help.
Seokmin leans against the open door frame as you pack. The pulsating glow of lost technology flickers in your peripheral and keeps you aware of his quiet presence. Part of you had always wondered if the ever-running currents of lighting synced with the flow of blood through the rest of his body.
The gunslinger doesn't speak, and you wonder why. And though you'd like to flatter yourself and entertain the notion that he's watching you — while other times that may be true — you don't feel the weight of his eyes trained on your motions. It wasn't like there was much to stuff in your bag, the satchel's leather cracked, faded, and well-worn after all these years of use through the desert and everything you truly value remains strapped some way to your body. So once you're finished, you inquisitively peek over in his direction.
Brown eyes are trained on the clunky gun on the mattress — the same one you'd pressed against his head. It's also the exact same pistol Chan had spent his adolescence restoring and repairing. Left unnamed unlike the honorary grave Seokmin had helped you prep before leaving the ruins of Ivywood behind. Meanwhile, his gaze darts to linger in contemplation on the chain around your neck before his eyebrows furrow, emphasizing the drawn out features and dark circles beneath his eyes.
"You look tired, you doing okay?"
"Yeah, just haven't been… sleeping well."
Frowning, you step toward him. Although he doesn't back away, his entire posture stiffens. "Will you be able to make the journey?"
He snorts, gesturing to your shoulder you're trying not to move too much. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to be asking you?"
"I'll feel better at the border."
Seokmin nods understandingly. "The weather will align well."
Within the sandstorms that relentlessly swirl near the Melca Border Sea of Sand, hides the only SEEDS floating ship that survived the Great Fall and you have to get the timing just right to reach it. It's home to a large community of humans, and most importantly, it's what you would consider a true home to you and Seokmin. Already, your energy restores — excited at the prospect of getting to relax in a place you trust and people you truly enjoy being around.
"Jun can take a look at my shoulder."
"That's true, it would be good for him to do."
"And I'm sure Hao's going to want to check your arm, maybe fashion some fabric that's not only bulletproof but also nail-proof."
"He's gonna give us both a scolding."
"Wouldn't be the first time."
You share a look of fond chagrin. Even though Seokmin's well over a century older than Juhui and Minghao, they were direct Earth descendants aboard a ship full of lost technology and geniuses in their own right. Those facts alone gave them all the confidence and utter audacity to more often than not, act like fretting toma mothers over the two of you.
Nonetheless, you appreciated them with all that's remaining of your heart.
The trip to the Melca Border wasn't a straight shot from Tonim but it wasn't as far as you thought. A bittersweet farewell to Wonwoo, Lina, Sherry, and the rest of the townsfolk was to be expected. Though their sorrow weighed you down, the knowledge that you were parting from them with good memories and the expectations to visit again kept your steps light-footed.
Seokmin remains zoned out the entire time. You bulk it up to his normal reaction whenever something emotional was on the horizon. Returning to Melca held a grand spread of wonderful, warm memories with a scattering of dreadfully sad ones too. Though the floating ship's defenses have been bolstered to the max over the years, the terrible events weren't easy to forget.
But they were incidents in the past and it's thanks to the intellect of the two who greet you at the entrance of the ship that their defenses continue to improve. Luida proudly stands behind them, accompanied by Brad and his wife.
"Greetings, weary travelers."
"We're no strangers, Luida," Seokmin protests against her formality.
The elderly leader's playful grin smooths out the wrinkles lining her wise face. "Welcome home, children."
It's a simple phrase but one that fills you with inexplicable warmth. Hansol might be the son born of her own body, but no one is immune from her maternal instinct. She beckons for everyone to come inside where the main quarters lie and the growing crew population will certainly be enthusiastic upon hearing about your return.
Seungcheol, Mingyu, and Seungkwan trail after without fuss, also elated to be aboard the familiar floating ship. You smile with genuine delight and step forward to follow while Minghao takes one look over his wire-rimmed glasses to survey Seokmin's dusty figure and elegantly tilts his head knowingly in the hallway leading to the technology laboratory. Glittery, colorful beads woven through the long strands of his two-toned hair clink in time with the movement.
It's hard to hide the snicker that escapes as you watch Seokmin trudge after Minghao like a scolded puppy. Your glee at someone else's suffering doesn't last long when a gentle hand clasps your shoulder. Wincing at the pain, you meet Junhui's puzzled look before his eyes narrow.
"You're hurt," he says, disappointed but not surprised, and leads you away to the med bay. It's exactly what you expected, in fact, the main reason behind why you're here — and yet, you sulk and whine petulantly just because you can.
"Not my fault that the only way to get here is by timing everything right to jump into a sandstorm and then onto a flying platform."
After instructing you to lie down on the medical bed and cutting the fabric of your shirt without fanfare, Junhui clicks his tongue. "You only come to visit when you're hurt."
"Not true!"
He concentrates on disinfecting and resewing the torn stitches in the tender flesh around the parts of your wound that are still healing. His tone borders on slight resentment but the concern weighing in it smoothes it all over.
"And yet most of our time spent together is only when you visit so I can patch you up."
"It's not like that."
"I know… but I would've met you elsewhere."
"Boring."
"Can't you courteously pretend to care about yourself out of consideration for those who worry?"
"You'll go gray at such a very young age if you stress all the time, Jun."
He shakes away silver bangs that threaten to impede his vision, unamused. "And you'll end up buried under the sand next time."
"Sounds cozy."
"I swear —"
You wave his growing ire away. "Seok takes care of me just fine."
"Yes," Junhui's cat-like smile causes your metaphorical hackles to raise. "He does care deeply about you."
"I'll punt you into the fifth moon and give it a second crater with your body."
"Now, now… violence is never the answer."
"Violence is the only reason you have a job!"
If you weren't as close as you were, perhaps he'd be offended by your claim. Instead, he kicks you out (after ensuring you're indeed in relatively good health), leaving you to laugh victoriously. Then, you set off to the technology lab in good spirits, hoping to catch Seokmin and commiserate with him.
Instead, you find a lone Minghao sitting refinedly amongst all the tech with grace and poise. He was in his element. Fiddling with and poking at a well-worn, familiar cybernetic tech with a thin silver instrument, he simply raises an eyebrow to acknowledge your presence.
"Did you fit Seok with a new arm?"
"But of course," the man sighs wearily, "despite my best efforts, my darlings always return home to their father with quite a beating."
"… Then you'll hate what I'm about to tell you."
"No, I cannot fashion you a pierce-proof trench coat. However, I will acquire some stronger material… but there better not be a next time."
You purse your lips and pout. It often seemed like Minghao worried more about his inventions than the people using them, though you knew that to ultimately not be true.
"So, he already told you what happened."
"Oh, yes… he told me everything." Heterochromatic eyes suddenly meet yours, sharp with a spark of amusement. "See, I almost didn't want to give him the latest modification but…"
"But…" You repeat warily.
Junhui was always mischievous, though most of it only ended with harmless pranks. On the other hand, Minghao's sarcasm-filled humor rarely made an appearance, and when it did, it usually delighted in the sickest of satisfactions.
Yet, he simply shrugs, evasive as always. "I think you'll like its improvements."
There's something foreboding about that statement, but he ushers you away under the pretense that he needs to concentrate. And shortly, you find yourself stopped by curious passersby or familiar faces in the hallways to the main quarters. Since your last visit, a multitude of passengers have a lot to share and update you on. By the time you reach your own pod, you're socially exhausted.
Sleep came easy but finding Seokmin did not. The SEEDS ship was already big in the first place and additional construction enlarged it further. An itchy, achy feeling pooled inside your gut on the second evening you'd been unable to catch sight of him. Finally, you acknowledged the bitter truth — he was avoiding you.
You had to come to terms with how delusional it was to think that once everything was out in the open, the scattered puzzle pieces would magically fall together in their rightful places. It should be easy, right? It's what happened in those cheap novels Junhui dug out of an abandoned pod in Melca back in the day. He'd given them to you as a birthday joke — Minghao sighing and handing over your real present (the first bullet-proof trench coat) — but you'd actually read through all the cheesy, steamy piles of romantic drivel.
Seungkwan, ever the cynic, and Seungcheol — who's naturally a heathen — quickly destroyed the slim spark of hope of ever hoping to feel those flutters in your gut. Meanwhile, Mingyu was someone precious and wholesome with a romantic outlook on life underneath the great muscular physique he'd gained from carrying that heavy concussion gun around.
You often wondered why they never tormented him like they did to you. But despite his indomitable stature, the emotionally soft man's tears were the most powerful weapon in his arsenal. Even if he didn't quite realize it, his comrades certainly were aware.
And Seokmin… well, if you knew how Seokmin felt about romance, you wouldn't be stuck in the position of wondering why the fuck he was avoiding you.
Again.
"Where is he?"
"Good morning," Mingyu greets the following morning, cheerful as ever. "If you're still hunting Seokmin for sport, he said he's feelin' a little sick!"
"Sure."
"No, he really is." Seungkwan refutes your aggressive eye roll with a gentle shake of his head. "Loverboy hasn't come out of his room for days and when I almost knocked the door in earlier, he finally responded only to sound like a dying toma."
Your face contorts into a morbid combination of concern and irritation, shifting between the two expressions. "Probably 'cause he stayed out all last night!"
And with a dramatic huff, you glower at the pastor seated in the cramped corner of the floating ship's kitchen area. Seungcheol deemed it was cooler, darker, and the farthest spot in the enclosed space from any of your misplaced wrath. He smiles, the white stick between whiter teeth jollily flicking up and down at you, taunting.
He reveled in the knowledge of being safe since he'd been the only one able to provide any information on the humanoid typhoon's whereabouts. The pastor — who still enjoyed a late-night smoke to cure some of his insomnia — considered it his saving grace to catch sight of the fellow gunslinger slinking through the shadows in the halls. Apparently, Seokmin had been sneaking outside the past few nights and remained resolutely ever-elusive during the day.
"Should go see 'im. Yer all antsy and 'm bettin' he's missin' his… mayfly."
"Oh, go fuck yourself," you snarl and storm out, missing the man's bark of laughter before he continues contemplating the best way to siphon money during a confessional.
The unfaltering stomp of your combat boots is the background beat on your walk to Seokmin's pod. His halls aren't far from the kitchen area and yet each footfall feels like a step into the unknown, the lights above seeming to grow dimmer the closer you get.
Why was he acting like this?
Did he regret everything that happened between you?
Was something wrong?
Would he shut himself away from you?
Worry and anger swirl together, mirroring the vortex of sand you had to pass through to get here. Seokmin's never shut you completely out before but you're familiar with his reclusive acts when things get too much. Too close. Too emotional. And you're afraid to be the catalyst to another spiral.
So, you knock. Harsh, loud, and ultimately unforgiving if ignored.
"Seokmin, open up! I know you're alive!"
A mutter of "Barely," carries through the door before he clearly answers with a curt, "I'm not feeling well but I'll be fine."
"Open the door."
Silence.
"Please."
The silence continues — and your temper flares. "Don't make me go get my bag and grab my lock-picking set!"
You can hear sounds of cursing and some rustling around before the door slowly and reluctantly opens, Seokmin hiding in the shadow it casts.
"As you can see, I'm quite fi —"
Both a coughing jag and the firm push of your shoe interrupts his confident statement. "Sure hope you weren't about to say you're fine!"
A faint smoky scent permeates the pod. You cough and pause to let your vision adjust to the darkness. The first hint toward Seokmin's unusual behavior because he thrived in the sunlight, no matter how weak the sunrays that reached the floating ship were. Then second, you blink in wonderment at the black heaps littering the bed and floor.
Feathers. Everywhere.
Reminiscent of the time you'd broken Seungcheol's ridiculously expensive pillow against Mingyu's bulky bicep during a good-natured fight with Seungkwan's assistance. But instead of an explosion of brown and aqua toma plumage causing you all to sneeze, these were inky dark like the night sky and resembled piles of soot against the pod's stark white backdrop.
You whirl around to find Seokmin retreating to the corner of the room, hands slamming on top of the dresser for support. His back is to you with two thin wings jutting out from it. Feathers rustle as he pants, shoulders coinciding up and down with the motion of the wings.
"Seok, how did… how did this happen?"
It's not fear that causes your voice to tremble but worry. The appearance of his natural Plant form is no longer shocking. In fact, the more you see it, the more you find it eerily beautiful. Probably similar to those who believe them to be messengers of a higher power. But he's only ever transformed in dire situations — either due to stress or the rare exhaustion of his superhuman abilities against stronger foes.
He doesn't reply so you take a cautious step forward. An animalistic growl erupts from his throat, followed by a pained groan. You gasp as he shakes, protrusions rupturing from the lower parts of his shoulder blades. Two more wings burst out and unfurl below the trembling ones already quivering on his back.
So that's how they hide and reappear.
"Is it 'cause you're sick? Choi said you've been staying out all night. You could've caught a cold or something's in the air. Never know what's floating around here." You babble as you frantically search for signs in the mirror above the dresser for any hints to what's caused this.
Seokmin's bent over and you note what should be brunette roots of hair are now pitch-black too. Closer and closer you creep until you can make out each bead of perspiration trickling down his neck and how they coat every bare part of his body in a sheen of sweat.
Then his head snaps up. An eye — unshielded by the black fringe of his red-brown tipped bangs — narrows to glare into your widened ones. A tempest of electric blue rages within it. Like the hottest type of fire, it burns more than you could ever expect in a vortex of one prominent emotion.
Desire.
An involuntary shudder overtakes your whole body, and you unconsciously bite your lip. Seokmin slumps back down, granting respite from that ardent azure glow.
"Sick," he snarls and laughs, strained. "Sick in the head, that's for sure."
"How… how can I help? What can I do for you?"
"Get out."
"Seok —"
"I'm serious, mayfly. For your own good. Leave."
"My own good?"
"I'll, hah, I'll explain… explain it later."
Your arms cross. "Oh, really? Or will you avoid me again? Like you have been for the past several days?"
"I haven't —"
"Don't you dare feign indifference! I'm not stupid — we talk about our feelings and then you retreat. Just be honest with me… please."
You promised.
He sucks in a very deep inhale through clenched teeth, seeming to regret it instantly because his grip on the edge of the dresser is hard enough to crack the strong material. Glowering at your reflection again — not daring to acknowledge your very real and extremely close presence in the room — Seokmin bares his sharpened and widened incisors in a snarl.
"We will talk, mayfly, please believe me. Now's… hah… just not great timing with… with what's happening."
Irritation easily gives way back to worry. "At least tell me what I can do for you. Should I get Jun?"
"He can't do anything. Gotta just… work it out of my system."
"Work what?" You frown, knowing how rare it is for the medical specialist to be stumped.
"It's not for certain…" Four different wings flutter in agitation at various speeds. "Not a lot's known about Plant physiology," his mouth turns downward, "even I don't have a thorough understanding."
"Is it a disease?"
"Wish it was that simple."
"You're talking in riddles and running verbal circles, Seok."
"… Dokyeom and I are independent Plants. Likely the only ones, well, you know — still functioning. Alive. When Rem found us, research was obviously done."
You know the story very well and nod. "And had been conducted before."
"'Course thanks to Rem, it wasn't as invasive but there were, hah, occasional talks. Theories. And then, of course, before us twins, there was…"
"… Tesla."
A Plant with a lifespan of only two-hundred and thirty days.
Seokmin swallows. "Tesla. Yes. I recall bits and pieces. Hypothesized with Luida and company… Outside of Dokyeom following the unethical methods humans sometimes conduct for experimentation," he snorts at the irony, "it's thought that Plants… can copulate… with a mate… of their, hah, choosing."
"Really?" Your eyebrows raise, intrigued. "That's a brilliant discovery!" Then they furrow. "Wait, are you saying that this," you wave your hand to gesture at his current form, "is because… you're, er, ready to… mate?"
He holds his head. "… Yes."
"Oh, okay. So, you need like… relief? A mate? Should I…?"
Your questions hang uncertainly in the air, unfinished because you're really not sure what you're supposed to even offer. A sarcastic smirk graces Seokmin's lips, condescending in the sort of way that's aimed more at himself.
"What kind of man do you think I am, mayfly?"
"A very, uh, Planty one for sure."
"Better than leafy, I suppose."
"Though you are quite… feathery."
Finally, he turns toward you, a wry and defeated smile on his weary face. His wings stretch outward and curl back in, elegantly waving toward you as if drawn in your direction. You can't help but smile at the object hanging from a cord around his neck.
"You still keep that old thing around?"
He looks at the golden cartridge and chuckles. "It's special."
"Me holding a gun to your head was special?""Meeting you will always remain a treasured memory, no matter the manner of how it happened." Seokmin falls quiet, lost in thought before hesitantly asking, "Did I not mention Plants mate for life? Well, at the very least, I know I do."
"Oh." Your astonishment reveals itself in a breathless gasp. There's no escaping that all-consuming, fiery cerulean gaze. "So is this the first time you've been… ready to, uh, mate?"
"No, I'm used to the way these cycles come and go. But this for sure is the worst bout yet."
"… Why?"
You hold your breath. He takes a step forward. Then another.
He's so close, if you leaned the slightest bit forward you'd press up against each other. Somehow, with an overwhelming sense of shyness guessing the underlying thoughts and what his answer will be, your eyes roam his bare upper chest and torso.
If you could caress him you would. All the shiny black feathers adorning his wings and the occasional ones sprouting along his forearms pointing to his Plant abilities. Each scar along with every bit of metal or his body's naturally grown wood that replaces chunks of lost flesh. He's kept them as reminders of when he's failed humans, though you've seen them only as when they've failed him. He shivers, like he can feel it, as if he knows what you're thinking and you questioningly re-meet his burning stare as he shoots you a wane smile.
Sheepishly, he rubs where the cybernetic arm attaches to his shoulder. Many have turned away in disgust or mock pity at the disfigurements. Yet despite the true abomination he looks like right now, there's only ever been pure empathy and acceptance he doesn't deserve — all from you.
"Conscious consent and reciprocation."
Your lips turn upward, joy causing your soul to unwittingly sing. "Does that mean… I'm your mate?"
"No."
It's like Gunsmoke completely collapses, and you're left twirling without footing in space. Seokmin matches your fallen expression with one of his own.
"What? Wh-why?"
"Don't get me wrong, it's —"
"I swear if you say 'It's me, not you'…"
He rather adorably tilts his head. "How did you know?"
"It's a typical cliche," you roll your eyes, "just give it to me straight, Seokmin. Is it 'cause I'm human?"
"… It's not that simple, and this isn't something trivial. It's — hah — it's a huge commitment." The use of your given name indicates his seriousness. "A lifetime one. For me, it's only ever been you… and it will always be you for as long as I live, which could be your whole lifespan! And I don't, hah, I don't know — hell, it's taking everything I can not to tear a dead man apart, let alone what I'd do if you'd change your mind, want something — someone else."
"You're doing it again, projecting and underestimating my feelings for you."
"It could be the effect of my pheromones, mayfly. We don't know every —"
"That's right! We don't know! So we have to trust each other and see."
"It's —"
"Let's not subject ourselves to the hypothetical. And what do you mean by dead man?"
Seokmin's jaw tenses, fingernails digging into numb skin. His wings waver, like they're considering cocooning around him for protection. But their tips simply flutter as if soothed by an unseen force, preventing them from enclosing completely.
Teasingly, you lean toward him and squint. "What else aren't you telling me, Seok? You pick a side hustle up that involves the deceased like Choi?"
He snorts at the audacity and doesn't take the bait. Instead, unfamiliar but still achingly familiar irises dart to your neck, tracing the silver chain laying against your skin. A dull sort of sadness fizzles out those blue fires and you clasp the shape of the locket beneath your shirt in realization.
"He was a boy, Seok. A boy I grew up with for a short period, one that felt like a brother to me."
"… You said you loved him."
"When?"
"… To Cheol. After you first met him."
"That would've been so long ago? How do you even remember that?"
He sighs, heavily. "It's not easy to forget. Your voice was so warm, so gentle, so in love when you admitted it."
"Love can mean different things! And I assure you, my feelings for you differ greatly from how I felt about him. And… he's… he's long gone, Seok."
Guilt burns in his eyes. "I know. Which makes me all the worse."
"No, it doesn't." You shake your head, a resigned smile resting on your lips, and hold your arms out. "'Cause I understand and forgive you. And most importantly, I love you."
It's uncertain if those words break or restore him, but the hard rigidness in his body melts away, sagging in a semblance of relief. Then he rushes forward into your waiting embrace, wings helping to propel him forward until they wrap around and press you to him tight, tickling areas where his arms aren't squeezing around you.
"And I adore you, my lovely mayfly."
You groan. "When will you stop calling me that?"
"Never," he snickers and you feel the curve of his lips as he comfortably nuzzles into the crook of your neck. "For as long as you're mine."
"Yours?"
"Mine."
"Sucker."
A chaste kiss brushes the lower tip of your ear. So ticklish and unexpected, you pull back with a giggle and playfully swat his shoulder. And just as he's about to dive forward and prove your little comment correct in retaliation, you burst into full-on laughter that leaves Seokmin to settle his hands on your waist with confusion crinkling his brow.
"What?"
"So that's why you were always having a deathly staring match between my childhood memorabilia?"
"… Was not."
"You — the most sentimental loser ever — definitely were!"
He pouts momentarily, the cute jut out of his lower lip quickly transforming to a devious smirk. "You'd bet on it?"
"Totally." You place your arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer again and matching the charge of electricity with a clever tilt of your lips. "I'd win, too."
"And what's on the table?"
"Sixty billion double dollars, of course."
"That so?"
"Mhm, and it seems like someone's bounty matches that worth."
Seokmin quirks a brow. "Seems like you want me on the table."
"Winner takes all?"
"Mayfly, I've always been yours."
"Sap," you laugh again.
A bright grin certainly declares your delight in victory, though your partner in crime uses the distraction as an advantage for his earlier loss and wastes no time. Diving in, a sharpened canine grazes your pulse point, automatically causing your head to tilt to offer easier access. Two left wings sweetly swoop down for support, feathered tips tenderly brushing your forehead.
The heat of his tongue placates the dragging scratch of his fangs. Though it sears you alive, heating your entire body from the tips of your toes, swirling in your core, and concentrating beneath Seokmin's lips on your skin.
When reaching that cold, familiar necklace you treasure so much and he can't help but loathe, it's seized between his teeth before he registers the action. Tugging it away from your neck like a dog, you wonder if he'll even shake it like one. His eyes follow the length of the chain, focusing on where the locket pops out above your chest.
You raise a questioning brow. "You gonna just play with my jewelry or take my clothes off?"
"Oh," Seokmin whispers, jaw dropping, and suddenly stands stiffly at attention.
You watch, entranced by the bob of his Adam's apple as he visibly gulps. Large, calloused hands — so practiced in undressing you for baths and patching up wounds — falter as they skim along your sides in a fleeting touch. Smiling encouragingly, you intertwine your fingers with those of his prosthetic while leading the other one beneath your shirt, the rough flesh of his palm blisteringly hot against your stomach.
"Is this okay? Can it help calm your Plant powers?"
"Yes… but that means… giving yourself to me… forever."
"Can't think of anything I'd enjoy more."
Confident, you trail kisses up his jaw to his cheek, stopping near his ear. Playfully tugging at the earring hoop as you pull away. Then you break away and bend over, shimmying off your shorts in one smooth motion. Stepping out of them, next goes your top. As each fabric hits the floor, Seokmin's eyes become more lidded, heavy with want. Smoldering. Desiring.
Four black wings fan out and stay as rigid as his stance. As if they're waiting with bated breath. And when you finally stand bare before him, he sheepishly drags his gaze to the floor with a flustered smile.
"I'm the one naked and you're embarrassed?" you tease and his posture relaxes.
"Because you're a vision to behold."
"Says the one who looks like an angel."
You back up until your knees hit the side of the bed. Like those morbid tales that depict curious listeners following a luring call to their demise, Seokmin's only a step behind you. He doesn't dare let his eyes stray further from your own, a goofy grin on his face.
"Consider this my fall from grace then, mayfly."
Gingerly, you sit on the edge of the mattress, waiting for his next move. He towers over you in this position. Formidable in appearance yet oh-so-gentle when picking up your left hand to kiss your knuckles and rub his thumb across its faded scar. Another smooch gets placed to your inner wrist and you hold your breath at the passion in those blazing cyan depths that refuse to look away. Then, a cautious touch to your shoulder urges you onto your back. Obediently, you lay down and a bunch of stray loose feathers fly up into the air upon impact.
"Beautiful," he murmurs.
The clothed knee resting between your legs helps his arm support the weight of his body hovering above you. A tentative hand slides down from your shoulder to your hip, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Caressing every scar, memorizing each color and swirl of ink decorating your skin, and erasing any insecurities or blemishes you see in yourself. Cold digits draw whimsical shapes and tickle your abdomen, stopping above your pelvic bone.
"May I?"
"Of course."
Seokmin rejoices in your consent by littering your collarbone with love bites. And his touches move lower, tender despite their mechanical nature. Warmth blossoms and flows under every surface of your skin Seokmin's traced, coiling and settling in a pulsating — almost painful — heat rupturing between your legs.
Only he can be the one to relieve this ache which he precisely aims to do. A simple, single brush across sensitive folds instantly has your breath hitching, shaking beneath him.
"Are you alright?"
"Mhm… yes."
He audibly gulps at your unexpected whimper of ecstasy, reluctantly tearing away from watching amorous bliss overtake your facial expression to the wet heat detected by his pointer finger's sensors. A feral growl rumbles in his chest at the debauched sight of desire beginning to dampen your thighs — the trace of what he's been smelling from you now overloading every single one of his senses as he coaxes more to flow from you. Seokmin's more than thankful for his enhanced vision and the glow of cybernetic technology baring your most intimate parts to him.
Guided by an instinctual impulse, he eases a finger inside. Your back automatically arches off the bed, eliciting a sweet gasp of delight. The cool touch of the digit seized tightly by the pulsating walls of your cunt slowly warms as it adjusts to the welcome intrusion. He soothingly brushes the knuckle of his middle finger across the soft outer flesh of your pussy to relax its grip. Eventually it lets up enough to let him explore further and deeper than your own have ever reached.
"I'm… I'm not sure how best to please you," Seokmin admits, drinking in your every reaction to his curious ministrations. "But there's this urge, this need, to make you feel good. Prep you properly for my… my entry."
By pure accident, he strokes a rough patch of nerves that makes your eyes roll back, hips lifting at the sensation of wanting more of whatever that feeling was, and your quiet noises melt into a loud, needy moan.
"More," you plead, "touch me more, Seok."
He eases his other finger inside without question, grunting at the squeeze that almost prevents him from moving to where you want him the most. But unlike the rest of his quivering body, the prosthesis remains steady, still, and patient. Waiting until it can bully itself and a third finger past your entrance's vice-like clench.
You start pulling on your breasts, trying to alleviate the tingling in them. Seokmin observes with a keen eye and a toothy, fanged grin. After a bit, he leans down to let his tongue trace the underside of one mound, leaving behind a saliva trail shining in the unconventional lighting as he tends to the next. Alternating with playful nips and naughty tugs to your nipples whenever your grip on them falters from the overwhelming pleasure.
So attentive and eager, soon you're writhing beneath him as you hit your peak. One hand grips your hip tightly, surely to leave a bruise with the way it cramps. His other doesn't let up, well-oiled mechanisms continuing to pump in and out of your trembling pussy until you whine from the overstimulation.
His wings fold protectively around both of you like a canopy as you share a tender kiss. Dazed and happy, you tenderly brush back black bangs and play with one of the feathers that's sprouted near the hairline above his ear. He shivers.
"Let me take care of you too."
"Are you sure? What about your shoulder?"
"That's the least of my concerns right now."
"I can still…"
"Later. First, I want to help you."
Suddenly, Seokmin's shy again, flushed cheeks darkening. "I… I think I'm a little different… down there so it's okay if you don't want to… or get scared."
"It's not like I've seen enough dicks to compare whether what you're packing is normal."
The both of you share a goofy laugh that eases the presumed awkwardness. He sits back to unbutton his pants but you stop him.
"May I?"
You might as well have knocked the air out of his lungs. He stares at you wide-eyed and then emphatically nods, finally clearing his throat to squeak out, "Sure."
Ignoring the aftershocks of your earlier orgasm, you sit up and kneel in front of him. Intent on a few minor distractions, your mouth and hands start at his shoulders to work their way down. Imagining you have the power to heal the damage dealt to his body and soul through tender touches.
You see a sad sense of beauty and justice in the patchwork of metal bolts and bark. And as you apply marks of love that bruise and blossom between them, he lets out a content warble. You're quick to undo the button of his pants, both of you gasping at the utterly wet mess seeping through the material when you tug the zipper down with your teeth.
He lifts his hips to help and once he's just as naked as you do you take him in. Anatomy was meagerly touched upon during your days at the convent, so truthfully all you're aware of at the sight of his heavy cock is the need to be filled with it.
And the closest thing to take him is your mouth, jaw already aching before you even open it. Almost reverently, your hands wrap around to stabilize it. Seokmin hisses pleasantly at the contact.
"You don't have to —"
He's cut off by a groan as you inquisitively suckle the tip. The copious amounts of slick smearing from it and down the base taste sweeter than Seungcheol's lollipops and you moan heartily, causing his thighs beneath your elbows to tense at the vibrations.
"Oh, mayfly."
A wing caresses your cheek that bulges as you take more and more of him, Seokmin's hands tearing at the sheets. The tip of another wing tantalizingly drags down your bare back. Your hands begin to explore, finding the puffy edges around the slit from which the thick cock emerges from. His hips jolt upwards at the contact to sensitive tissues, causing you to gag.
"Ah, 'm sorry!"
While he whispers repeated apologies, you're only compelled to take him further. Slowly you get used to the stretch, but no matter how much more you're able to squeeze down your throat there's still enough of his length for both of your hands to play with. It gets easier the more aggressive you get, his cock seeming to respond to your vigor in tandem. Soon you're lost to the haze of whether you're bobbing your head up and down or it's swirling languidly in your mouth on its own accord.
Seokmin's hips stutter but you feel the tremor first pulse against the inner walls of your throat. His cock throbs as you pull off of it, hollowing your cheeks and parting with deliberately powerful suction. A loud pop releases its tip and your hand supports its weighty girth falling forward. You dig the nails of your free hand into the muscle of his quaking thigh, ducking down to teethe at the puffy slit from where his cock must emerge.
Moving on to licking and dragging the point of your tongue along the sizable vein lining the underside causes Seokmin's low groans to turn into a high-pitched trill. Once you reach the swollen, leaking head and nibble on the hard glans, it spasms wildly and finally erupts. From the top slit seeps sweet syrupy fluid that readily overflows into your awaiting, open mouth.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he blabbers.
You'd reply that there's no need for gratitude, perhaps you'd thank him, but the viscous release keeps spilling out. Rivulets trickle well past your lips and coat your chest. Although still in a euphoric daze, his eyes flash with sharp satisfaction. Instantly possessive at the sight of your bare body decorated so erotically.
His wings snap open — filled with purpose — and your face is pressed down into the mattress. Surrounded in a smoky musk as the angelic monstrosity it belongs to and destined to be your mate hovers above.
Your voice comes out hoarse as you raise up onto your elbows and spitefully spit out a black feather. "Do those wings of yours prevent you from being topped or something?"
"I'll let you find out another time, partner," Seokmin huffs, laughter evident despite his apparent breathlessness. He steals a tender kiss, pleased grunting at how your lips — shiny and swollen — taste of him. "But for now…"
Like an anchor, the tech material warmed by your shared body heat and passion winds underneath your hips, keeping them raised. A calloused, ticklish touch roams traces your spine. He draws an occasional spiral here and there as he goes, mindful of your wound, until firmly pinning the nape of your neck to the side, creating the perfect arch of your back.
"I think you'll like this," Seokmin says as if he isn't liking the view below him.
But for you, straight ahead lies the dresser's mirror. It reflects the full manifestation of an independent Plant poised to devour a human in the most intimate sense. The fearsome size of his cock lies heavy on top of your ass, leaking droplets of arousal all over your backside.
"Will it fit?"
"Of course, you are mine to claim and take." His hips just forward and you both moan. "I think we're both wet enough to try."
"I trust you."
"Let me know if it hurts in any way and we'll stop right away, mayfly."
Many troupes of desert-traveling dancers have mesmerized you before. Yet even they can't compare to the graceful and smooth motion of Seokmin releasing your neck to align his tip with the entrance of your cunt and slowly bullying his way in.
Tears of pain mixing to unfathomable pleasure blur the vision of your mouth widening to let out whines and moans. "Seokkie…"
"Mhm, mayfly… my love… my mate."
Finally, the front of his thighs are flush against yours. Hips pressed tight against your ass. Fully sheathed inside your tight hole, neither of you have ever felt such intensity before. He surrenders his body weight on top of yours, hands braced outside of yours clenching loose feathers and silk sheets. The outer heaviness matches the intensity of what your pussy struggles to accommodate.
"Mine."
Seokmin's hips swirl at a slow pace. Rather than thrust, he massages the sensitive glands at the base of his cock with the soft flesh of your ass. His length seems to shrink and grow and writhe with a mind of its own, filling and teasing you nonstop. Leaving no surface of your inner walls untouched or untended to for too long.
"Yours."
You shudder in blissed-out delirium and Seokmin lights up — literally.
Fluorescent lines glow in distinct patterns across skin, brightening the more he starts to pant and build up your shared pleasure. Sharp canines prick into the skin of your unmarked shoulder as he wraps his prosthesis under your stomach to raise your hips, the new position driving you faster to that rapidly approaching edge. You cry out with a lurch, blurrily making out his glowing form that shudders above.
Though the view in the mirror gets hidden by black wings stroking your entire body. Teasing the underside of your tits and tenderly brushing away the stings of his teeth marks.
"I-I love you," Seokmin rasps.
"Love…" You manage to enunciate the words, mind emptying and drool wetting the bed as your second peak approaches. "Love you too."
Pain and pleasure draw forth an onslaught of your apparent arousal that lecherously mixes with the frothy mess dribbling from his cock. Claws appear on Seokmin's right hand, another addition to the bestial Plant features emerging in the throes of passion. He's not completely lost to the primal thrall though, able to resist from breaking skin.
Delicately scratching your waist without drawing blood, then using the finely pointed tips to pluck and tease effortlessly at your clit. You cry out, body shaking as waves of euphoria crash against the shoreline of imminent pleasure.
Seokmin helps ride out your peak with a couple of speedy thrusts. The feeling of his hips slamming into you has you seeing more stars than Gunsmoke's galaxy contains. And just as you're overcome with too much stimulation, he lets go with a particularly strong bite into the top of your shoulder.
His cock softens and its heavy weight like a blanket along with the continual pump of his warm, soothing release. The feeling of it leaving none of your inner walls untouched feels as sweet as it tasted on your tongue and helps ease the ache inside your cunt. Still joined together and slick with stickiness, he collapses onto his side and gently assists you with rolling over so you can face him.
"Hey, you."
"Hello there yourself, lovely mayfly."
Your nose wrinkles but gets smoothed out by feather tips playing with the ends of your hair. Seokmin smiles as you snuggle closer into his chest so two of his wings can cocoon around you as the heated fervor from prior activities cools.
"Did that help?"
"… Yes," he says though his tone wavers with hesitance.
You raise your chin and see the electric blue luster hasn't faded yet from his gaze. Sheepishly, the corner of his mouth raises and you shiver, feeling the swell of his cock stretch out your pussy. The bulge it creates brushes against Seokmin's abdomen and he twitches.
"Sorry, it's… I'm gonna be kinda insatiable now that I've had a taste…" He trails off, wings snapping behind him. Slowly, he pulls his hips away and you both hiss as his cock is dragged out.
"What are you —"
You're cut off by the animalistic glimmer in his gaze, catching the feral smirk that he attempts to hide by licking his palm. Quick as lightning, Seokmin fleetingly swipes the outer lips of your cunt and brings his fingers, tonguing at them. Body set aflame again, neither of your break eye contact as he moans headily.
"But not of this," he rasps.
Before you know it, you're staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stickers on his ceiling with your mate between your legs. His wings trail along your calves, their flexible ends curling near your inner thighs, encouraging them to spread and stay open, pinning them in place.
"Oh, aren't you a beauty?"
He moans shamelessly at the sight of your messy, glistening pussy. You squirm at the ticklish sensation of his feathers and that smoldering, ravenous look. If only he knew what it was like to see him devour you with his mouth.
Delicious.
Just like the feeling of his tongue working its way inside and licking up the shared essence of your releases.
Your fingers weave between strands of hair as black as night, tugging lightly and accidentally snagging one of his ear feathers. He moans eagerly, and the vibration has you shuddering, already quickly nearing another mind-shattering orgasm. But you don't let him carry you there too fast, smooth brain muscles trying to form a question.
"How… long… how long do these cycles last?"
Seokmin presses a loving kiss to your twitching clit and blows, entranced by how you clench around nothing. Then he smirks, elongated teeth shining in the darkness like a predatory warning though you have nothing to fear.
"As much as you can handle but… we're really only just getting started, mayfly."
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The motion light kicks on as Seungcheol shifts his boots in the direction of the unlit kitchen area. Junhui and Minghao's entrance awaken the rest of the lights and they frown at the makeshift bunker set up.
"What are you three doing in here?"
Seungkwan sleepily mumbles a curse word and next to him, Mingyu blearily rubs his eyes. A scattering of empty pudding cups and bottles lie around them as well as a disorganized array of poker cards.
"We're afraid to venture out of here."
Junhui shares a secretive look with his closest friend at Seungkwan's cryptic words. "Ah, so that's happened. Or happening."
"'Bout time y'all came 'round. Time for ya to pay up!"
"Pay up for what?"
"Compensation. 'M the one who got the closest to bein' right knowin' they'd fuck after confessin'."
"If anyone needs compensation, it's me for the mental damage of having to make one of my lovelies into an enhanced sex toy."
Seungcheol guffaws. "Ya didn't! Ya lil cheatin', schemin' scientist!"
Meanwhile, Mingyu looks mighty concerned. "Does that mean Seokmin has a dildo for an arm?!"
Minghao crosses his arms with a steely glare. "No."
"Oh good. I don't think I could look at him the same."
"I don't think any of us will ever look at him the same again."
Junhui eagerly rocks back and forth on his heels, hands stuffed in the deep pockets of his lab coat. "Do you think they discovered all the functions and benefits of it yet?"
"Should be our next bettin' round."
"No more bets. I don't care if it's half a double dollar to go in, I refuse to go through this again."
Mingyu elbows his raven-haired companion. "C'mon, your heart's warmed by this!"
"Warmed and consumed by the rage and fury of hellfire, yes."
Giggling, the tall man smiles widely and holds his hand out. "Alright, I win then!"
"Win what? Thought you didn't remember your bet."
Mingyu purses his lips. "Only because none of you took me seriously and joked with a bunch of gross innuendos when I said they'd find their home in one another!" He then sighs dreamily. "But if I'm right, we'll know by tomorrow morning."
"Who says it'll be tomorrow mornin'. Might take weeks. Months even, I reckon'."
"I'll kick you all out before it comes to that," Minghao threatens and runs a hand through the few strands of hair without a bead. He tosses a wad of money in front of Mingyu. "Never involve me in this again."
Despite all the grumbling, everyone has a sense of lightness in their hearts at the thought of their dear friends finally getting together. And the happiest of them all is Mingyu, who cheerily gathers his prized double dollars, dreaming of all the pudding he can buy.
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A lone figure stands on the edge of the valley of the Melca Border. The Sea of Sand, aptly named, can change tide and turn vicious at any second. Their cloak billows in the sandy winds that whip around them, though even the steadfast hood can't hide the satisfied smile on their face.
"You did well," they commend and the name that falls from their lips is one some might consider lost to the sands of time.
"Saintess." Another figure materializes out of the sand gusts in response to the praise. "It is to be done as you said."
"Very well. Shall we go now?"
Whether it's the mysterious sands that swirl around and whisk them away or the lost technology cube that transports them, no one will ever know for no one ever saw them. Like ghosts, they disappear and find themselves outside the real ghost town — where it all began.
A toma croaks in the distance. Brave travelers dare cross the ruined wasteland and the saintess meditating atop one of the largest rocks hidden in the shadows opens her gray eyes tinted by lilac in the glow of the moons to observe. Despite all of her traveling, the white robes wrapped around her body remain in pristine condition.
She turns behind to look at the man standing over a scattering of stones, staring intently at one of them. With poise and purpose, she dusts off her clothes and strides over to him.
"Chan."
Brown eyes tear away from his own name carved into the headstone in front of him to look at the one who's said it aloud.
"Yes, Saintess?"
"Do you regret it?"
"No. Never."
"Good," she states, satisfied with his response. With a grand sweep of her hood to cover short, dark hair, she gestures to the east. "We will set up camp one more night before returning to the Saint in the morning before he speaks with our Master."
Chan mutely nods, following the saintess back into the desert where she confidently leads him to a cave that will shield them from the unpredictable nature of Gunsmoke's wastelands. He thinks of you, the girl he must keep safe and two brothers. One with wings as pure white despite his continual revelry with hate-filled darkness, the other bearing ones the complete opposite color of his twin — a wild card.
He reminisces over the Blessed and Holy Sisterhood of Little Ivywood, the convent and all the orphans that lived there. Pondering Sister Meryl's role, who stands before him now as the revered Saintess, leader for the Eye of Joshua and second only to the Bishop of the cult named after himself. She moves curious little statues back and forth across the surface of a large flat rock and the young man can't help but ask her a question in the unnerving silence.
"Do you think this will work?"
Meryl smiles elusively, as always. She picks up the smallest one with a deliberate flourish, placing it on a blackened space close to the last row of alternating squares carved into the stone's surface.
"Have you ever played chess before?"
"No, what is it?"
"An Earthern board game. It is quite complicated." Gesturing to the piece she just moved, she continues. "This is a pawn, the weakest of all chess pieces."
Chan bristles. "But strength comes in numbers, no? There are eight of each color, surely the right side can find a way to win."
Unfazed by his agitation, the saintess nods placatingly. "With the right strategy, even a pawn may become a queen — the most powerful. Unpredictable." She points to a white figurine with a cross on top of it. "Enough to checkmate a king."
Entranced, Chan watches as she rearranges and repositions various pieces across the faux chessboard. Soon, the pawn that took on the mantle of a Black Queen captures the White King. His eyes roam what's left on the battlefield at the end of the match, pointing to one that looks like a tower.
"What's that one?"
"A rook. It best supports an allied pawn towards promotion from behind the scenes." Her eyes sparkle mischievously. "It's most powerful during the end of the game, as you can see."
Chan gulps, holding his breath for a moment, and clears his throat. "Then I'm ready."
"Wonderful," Meryl nods, "we'll depart for Master Dokyeom's stronghold in the morning. I'm sure Joshua, our dear Saint, will be… pleased upon our return."
"To the glory of the Black King's rise."
"And to the glory of our so-called queen."
Keep him safe, Chan thinks to himself as he settles on the ground. And yourself. One day we'll reunite in the most joyous of occasions…
He pulls out a faded wanted poster with the infamous outlaw worth sixty billion double dollars, donning a wishful smile before closing his eyes and murmuring, "I'd even bet this impossible amount on it."
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onlyseokmins: April 2024 ©
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carrymelikeimcute · 6 months
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I'm in my feels again so lets talk about Izzy Hands and violence.
I read a novel ages ago, where an older guy takes a young orphan boy under his wing and teaches him a trade - it's medieval times and said boy becomes a young adult and wants a sword, but his pseudo-father/boss/friend tells him he can't have one, because if he has one, he'll draw it and if he draws it, he could be killed. The safest thing is, paradoxically, to carry no weapons. To learn control of one's temper and control over your surroundings.
The scenes of Izzy and Stede in ep.7 at Jackie's reminded me of that novel.
Obviously Izzy has weapons, tends to put his hand on his sword during arguments and we do see him fighting and killing people. HOWEVER, I think it's really interesting that, given how often we talk about Izzy being repressed (emotionally/sexually/gender-ly) and how controlled he attempts to be, we don't often talk about his controlled approach to violence.
A lot of fic characterises him as someone who is hot tempered and violent, but looking at s1 with fresh eyes, between him and Ed, he's definitely not just the cooler head when it comes to instigating violence, but the one who takes less interest in violence for its own sake as a performance - e.g. Ed's very creative instructions with the tiny fork, the toe thing etc vs Izzy just stabbing Stede. It's a means to an end.
Don't think I'm not saying he has a fucking temper and a half, because he obviously does, but that seems to mostly be vented non-violently through yelling - not yelling at strangers either, but at people he knows and can (usually) judge where the line is.
Until he puts a toe over that line and...oops.
On first meeting Stede, Izzy cuts up his shirt without actually hurting him. It's a threat, but he hasn't drawn blood, hasn't started anything violent...yet. It's almost a display intended to dissuade actual fighting, by showing your potential opponent that they're probably going to lose.
I think one of the reasons Izzy's so annoyed about their losses in the battle with the Spanish is that it's not their fight. They didn't get anything from it - it was pointless (to him, not to Ed obvs). He wants to avoid facing the Spanish again in the following episode, because they stand to lose more than they will gain.
Even when he's actively calling for Ed to kill Stede, he isn't fussy about how. (And he uses manipulation to keep his hands clean - something he does again when selling Ed out to the navy.) Stede needs to be gone, and this is the easiest way to do that. And when he does finally lose it he doesn't just attack Stede without warning - it's within the controlled setting of a duel, which, when Stede starts improvising, breaks down Izzy's control and leads to him becoming emotional, making a mistake and getting his sword broken.
In s2 the pointlessness of the raids is obviously getting to him, disrupting a wedding for no real gain. Losing Ivan for nothing. I don't think the violence is what bothers him, he's a very active participant, but the fact that it's not for anything - it's not enough of a reward in and of itself. (It's like not really caring one way or the other about being a barista, it's just what you do and it's fine, but then suddenly you're not being paid and also your boss keeps burning you with the steam wand on purpose and you just sort of wish you could just get on with your job and make rent like before.)
S1 Izzy seems to lack the whimsy and imagination that Ed/Stede bring to piracy and to violence, but that doesn't make him stupid. They're playing some kind of made-up game that only they know the rules for, and he's trying to play chess with everyone, even when the rules are only a burden to him.
When we see him training, he's being a dramatic candlelit bitch, but he's also measuring his movements, focusing intently and not just hacking away at everything. Even the candles are interesting to me in this context - we see him playing with candles several times in S1/2 and while yes, there is a certain amount of 'Izzy likes pain' in there to unpick, it's also kind of a metaphor for control - fire is one of the most dangerous things to have on a 'wooden vessel' but a candle is like a tiny pet fire that you control - so long as you're careful and respectful. It's all about risk management, respecting dangerous forces and being aware.
When Stede kills Ned, Izzy looks impressed, even seems to smile for a second, but then he looks more subdued and tells Ed that the first kill is a head-fuck. It's like he's proud of Stede being ABLE to kill, but regretful that Stede CHOSE to kill in a situation where it wasn't necessary at all.
I don't think for a moment that Izzy regrets killing most of the people he kills as part of pirate life, but I think he would regret killing someone he didn't have to. Most people wouldn't want to carry that around with them.
We see in ep7. that Izzy is well respected at Jackie's. He tells bigger guys than him to fuck off and just takes people's chairs. He gets called 'Mr. Hands' instead of by his first name. There's a lot of respect there and I think some of it comes from his reputation with Ed, but also, from people knowing that he's not insane - he can be treated respectfully and everything will be fine for all involved. He's not some menace that's going to stab you as likely as pat you on the back.
For all that people are afraid of Blackbeard (and maybe slightly in awe of Stede as of the Ned thing) for their unpredictable natures and occasional violent outbursts, people are still attacking them or pandering to them, actual respect is something else entirely.
Later, Izzy doesn't pull a weapon and tries to discourage Stede from doing so, even tries to get him to leave to prevent a fight from starting. In the fight, he smashes a stool over someone and doesn't just start killing people - it's an appropriate level of violence for the situation, not an escalation.
It feels like Izzy is very much in that place of controlling himself, being aware and knowing when and how to use force practically, proportionally and effectively. This might be age related, but it's also a big part of his personality. I think that's also why he looks impressed by what Zheng does to Steak Knife (rip) because it's so precise, bloodless and quick. She's basically the best captain for him - she's efficient and controlled.
It's easy to confuse 'is willing to kill' with 'is eager to kill'. I don't think Izzy necessarily loathes that part of his job, he seems ambivalent, but it is still a job to him. It's what pirates do, much as the crew of the Revenge do still kill people, it's just part of their life and not some kind of performance or fun activity. It's work, and it's hard and it's unpleasant and if something can be done an easier way - a smarter way - then that's probably the best way.
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bumpkinspice0 · 3 months
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Parallels Chapter 17: What Is Meant To Be?
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Miguel O'Hara x Spider!FemReader
No use of y/n
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 4.9k
Summary: You're going to die. It's written in the canon. The canon must always be obeyed... right?
Warnings: Angst O'clock, Talks of death, Near death experience???? Miguel loves so hard, SMUT (again finally) Oral (Fem receiving), Window sex??, sweet sweet desperation
A/N:  I worked hard to get this out quickly because I felt bad about making everything so sad lately 😅 Though there still might be enough angsty to make it plenty sad, Idk. I'm sorry anyway
Previous
Series Masterlist
AO3
_______________
Chapter 17
What Is Meant To Be?
“Play it again.”
“Miguel, I don’t think–”
“Play it again.”
The simulation of the dingey warehouse restarts. Nothing more than a prediction. A vision of what's to come. A supposed hostage situation set up by the remnants of the Fisk family—a trap for you. It was so simple. He’d seen you dodge gunfire and fight practical monsters, but this is what does it? Trapped inside a warehouse rigged to explode. As indestructible as spiders seemed to be, no one could rightly survive a roof falling on them. A spider can’t dodge bullets forever. 
They’d find your body 3 days later, likely a memorial erected in your honor as well as a day of citywide grieving. And two months later a certain captain’s daughter would take up the mantle— and you’d be replaced and slowly forgotten. 
There was a 98.9% chance of likelihood for these events. It might as well be a hundred at that point.
You were going to die. This is how you were going to die. 
It was predicted to happen within the hour and Miguel was just sitting here waiting for it to happen. How morbid, he scolds himself. He sits there helpless, a pitiful excuse for a hero. 
“Mig, I’m so sorry,” Lyla’s small form comes to sit next to his hand, her own small hand mimicking stroking motions over his forearm. 
“You weren’t going to tell me.” he mumbles, eyes still locked on the screen of a smoldering building where your body would be dug up from. Only a simulation. It hadn’t happened. Not yet.
“I didn’t know how to. I was… scared.” 
“Scared,” He scoffs, “You?”
“You’re not the only one who cares about her, Miguel.'' The AI bites out harshley. It almost catches him off guard. He’s so used to seeing her so bubbly, so quirky and fun. As annoyed as he seemed by it, he always appreciated it. Gabe was smart in programming her to be so fun. He needed someone like that in his life. Someone to help cut through his bullshit. You played that role as well. 
“We’ve lost a lot of friends in this job, haven’t we Lyla?”
“We have.” 
Miguel expected to be ragging at this point, an inconsolable beast wreaking havoc on his lab. Angry, like he had been since you left. Instead, he’s just numb. Was your fate that easy to accept?
The spider-sense lulls in his head, finally quieting down after the month of torture. Did that mean it knew what was to come? Would he feel it? When you—
He finally buries his face in his hands, muffling a defeated sob. Ah, there’s the tears. After the self-inflicted torture he’d put you both through, this is how it ends? You die and he has to watch it happen like a helpless child on the sidelines. This is the burden he’d taken. He’d done this so many times before. He’d watched horrible things happen because it was the will of the canon— but with you it was… you were…
“Lyla, I’d like to see the probability diagnostics,” He swallows the sorrow, hoping the cold unfeeling numbers of an algorithm might put him at ease. If this was to happen, maybe looking at the ripple effects of it would help him cope. A sacrifice for the greater good of it all. 
The equations and graphs illuminate around him, all of them infallible. This was going to happen. And what would your death bring to the multiverse? Nothing. A small blip in the grand scope of it all. A speck of dust in the cosmos, just like all of them. 
But if your death was so small, then what could that mean if it didn’t happen?
The thoughts he’d been suppressing suddenly flood his mind. He’s not helpless here. The power to change your fate rested on his wrist, your life so easily saved by the simple push of a button. He’d risked something like this before, but it was different this time. Could saving a life have the same effect? He’d replaced a life, but saving a life…There’s no way to know. And he didn’t have time to run the numbers. He had to act—- now.
“Miguel?” Lyla’s voice chirps up behind him, “What are you doing?”
What is he doing? He looks down to see he’d already typed in the coordinates to your universe. Had he already decided and didn’t realize it? Was it that easy?
“I…” He looks down at the watch. A single push of a button. That’s all it would take. “I don’t know.”
“I know… this is hard,” She hovers at his wrist now, clearing the coordinates from the watch, “But we can’t interfere with—”
“All we’ve done is interfere,” He bites out in a voice he doesn’t recognize. “How is this different?”
Did he really believe that?
Hypocrite, he scolds himself.
Reasoning. He was trying to reason for it. Bargaining for your life to justify his own selfish actions. 
He types in the coordinates again, and Lyla clears them before he finishes. He growls, clawing through her projection. 
“You’re not thinking, Miguel!” She urges. “I know this is hard. But you can’t. You know you can’t.”
He knows she’s right, he’s not thinking. He doesn’t care. If he could pull this off, if he could save you, then he’d figure it out. He always did. There had to be limits he could push. Options he never considered. Whatever it would take, just to assure your safety. 
“You have to understand what’s at stake here.” Lyla says again, her pixelated eyes pleading with him. Despite her seeming so human in every way, she was still just a program doing her job. She was his fail-safe, an assurance to make sure past mistakes weren’t repeated— and now she’s the only thing standing in his way. 
“Yes, I do understand,” He says coldly, calmly walking across the lab— to Lyla’s control panel. “It’s time you remember who’s in charge.”
“Don’t even think about it!” She grows to full size. Projections explode behind her, raging fire, explosive blinding lights— all mere illusions. It does nothing to stop him. While she ran things, multiverse travel was still completely operable without her. He opens the panel and begins typing in the reboot code. It’s the one area of the tower she has no control over.
Arachni-bots scurry towards him before falling dead with another push of a button. She’s trying everything. He has to work quickly.
“I’ve called Gabe,” Lyla warns, “Emergency protocol is initiated. He’ll know.”
“Fine, I don’t care.” Miguel punches in the final sequence and all of Lyla’s projections begin to fade. Only her flicking form remains. It’ll take her at least an hour to reboot, that’s more than enough time. 
A portal to earth-727 bursts to life in front of him. 
“Think about it, Miguel!” Lyla tries to reason one last time as her projection starts to fade, “All of this— Everything— for one person? It’s not worth it.”
He pauses at the portal's entrance, the pull of the spider-sense urging him to step forward. 
“Yes. She is.”
The sense crescendos as he shoots through reality, across time and space to save you. The anticipation builds, the anxiety of racing against the clock. He burst through the portal already swinging, taking a quick assessment of his surroundings. Without Lyla to guide his exact location he could've only ended up in a 3-mile radius of you. The sun had already set. He was in Brooklyn, the southside by the looks of it. The warehouse was in the center of Queens, not far but he had to hurry. 
As he swings the rest of his emotions come flooding in. The guilt. The shame… the undeniable love for you. How could he have thought such things? How could have just sat by while he watched you die? Had this job really made him so callous? So cold to the world at large? 
When did Spider-Man stop trying to save everyone?
You’d given yourself to him so freely and he’d meet your affections with so much disdain— yet you treated him with kindness anyway. You were patient with him like no one had been before, he didn’t deserve it. Yet he won’t give it up. Not anymore.
He’d make it up to you. He’d make it all up to you starting tonight. 
The warehouse is in sight. You’d be swinging in from the east. He could easily stop you before you got anywhere near the building. He perches himself on the highest rooftop half a block east of the rigged warehouse and waits. Checking the time, you’d be swinging at any moment, give or take a few minutes. 
He waits… and he waits. 
He’s not sure how much time has passed before he starts pacing. Did he miss you? No, he has no doubt the spider-sense would have honed in on you.  
The spider-sense… in his blind panic he hadn't paid it any mind. Surely being in your dimension would send the alarms blaring in his head. Instead, it was like it was…. Muted. Smothered under something he didn’t recognize. What did that mean? 
What if it meant you were already dead?
Dread pushes him off the roof and swinging towards the harrowing warehouse. Crawling up to the closest window, he peers inside. Three armed men stand in the center of the massive room, barrels of explosives around them. 
“Where the hell is she?” one of them grumbles, “Doesn’t she usually show up way before the cops? Did Tony call it in?”
“Of course he did,” the second one sighs. 
“If she doesn’t come then this was all for nothin’.”
“She’ll come. She always comes.”
“Shut up, both of you,” the final one hisses, turning around to scold the other two. “Look.”
He gives a faint nod to his right… directly at Miguel. 
The first bullets whiz past Miguel’s shoulder, one knicking his suit. He was spotted. Idiot. How could be so careless? He barely manages to swing out of sight.
“Christ, don’t shoot in here!” The leader of the three shouts, “Might as well light a fucking match!” 
“Fuck you, I’m not letting that bitch get away!” They think Miguel is you? He could hear them arguing, perched safely on the roof. Well that confirms it, you weren’t here. 
“She’s here. We got her and I’m not gonna let her pick us off one by one. I’m getting justice for the boys she locked up.” The threatening statement is followed by the unmistakable cock of a gun. 
Oh no. 
“Wait— WAIT—'' One of them pleads before a shot goes off, immediately followed by a domino fall of explosions. 
Miguel just barely swings to safety, the flames licking at his heels. 
“Holy shit. Holy shit.” He chants as he rounds the corner onto a rooftop. It happened. The explosion paints the night in harsh oranges, shattering windows and setting off car alarms for miles. He hears police sirens finally approaching. Your death had happened— and you weren’t there for it.
You weren’t there. 
Relief overtakes him, dropping him to his knees. He’s not sure if he wants to cry or vomit. Quelling the boiling cauldron of emotions in his brain, he forces himself to focus. He hones in on the spider-sense— desperately humming in the forefront of his mind. It was trying to tell him something. Trying to tell him where you were. 
With a wary step forward, he follows it.
________
An emergency distress call from some random universe you’d never heard of. You can’t remember the last time you answered one. Probably when the tower was attacked. They were never meant to be ignored either. 
Jess called it in, and with her being so far along in her pregnancy you leaped immediately to help her, along with a good handful of all of your other spider-comrades. She’d just entered her third trimester and you’re truly amazed she’s still working this diligently. 
“Gotta get it all out of my system now,” She’d scoffed to you when she’d first announced it, “That and I know you guys can’t do this without me, better help you out now.” 
Jessica Drew, always so humble to the point she wouldn’t allow herself maternity leave. God, you loved her but you’d wished she would slow down. 
Since she showed no signs of taking a break, offering a helping hand whenever she needed it was the best you could do.
 Tonight she certainly needed it, being caught in a sudden gathering of symbiotes. You and about ten other spiders answered the call, just in time it seemed.
You hated symbiotes. It wasn’t as easy as punching them and knocking them out, you had to be clever. Play to their very specific weaknesses— Fire and loud noises. That and they were just nasty fuckers. It's a good chance for you to blow off some steam. You didn’t have to hold back when it came to symbiotes, and for once, that was a good thing. 
An hour of messy fighting and a lot of loud noises and fire later, they were all contained. It admittedly felt good to be part of a team effort after your rather less-than-stellar month. These were still your people, they didn’t stop being your people just because Miguel wasn’t part of your circle anymore.
A massive portal opened back to HQ. You’re cue to leave for home.
“Hey,” Jess grabs your shoulder before you can hit the button home, “Come back to the tower with me.”
“I— why?” you’re aware of how cold it comes out. 
Jess immediately furrows her brows, “Because I haven’t talked to you in forever and I wanna buy you a coffee so you can describe what it tastes like to me.”
You can’t help but laugh a little, “You miss coffee that much, huh?”
“And booze. And sushi. And hot tubs. And—” She drapes her arm around your shoulder as she continues, leading you over to her bike. Well, if she’s offering a fun ride, who are you to say no?
Yes, you’d been avoiding the tower like a plague just because he’s there. You feel him when you’re closer, the sense jumping at the proximity alone. Just because it was Miguel’s tower though, didn’t mean you weren’t welcome. Your friends were there. Your community. Spider Tower wasn’t just a monolith to Miguel, it was for all of you. 
You wonder if you should tell Jess about it all. If anyone would understand it’d be her. You’d probably get a few good minutes of reprimanding you for being so stupid, but then she’d go full protective mode and be your human shield against the big bad Spider-Man 2099. That and the pregnancy hormones were making her more irritable. That’s what friends did, though— right? Made things easier for one another. That and you wanted another shoulder to cry on.  
You will tell her, eventually. Not tonight but… soon. 
You both burst into the tower, Jess skidding the bike to a spiraling stop. 
“I hate it when you do that.” you sigh into her back. 
“You spend all day swinging around a city and a little bike ride makes you dizzy?” She scoffs, flipping out the kickstand.
“Yes, shut up,” You groan, practically melting off the bike. Suddenly, You remember why you don’t always accept rides from her, “Why do you ride a bike anyway? Your webs seem perfectly fine.”
“Just to look cool,” She muses, bouncing her hard to the side. Well… you can’t deny that fact. She always did look pretty cool. 
The spider-sense was revving in the back of your head. A few weeks ago it would have driven you insane, now it’s just another thing to ignore. Like a cast over a broken bone or an itchy rash. You’d trained yourself to live with advanced senses, you could train yourself to get used to this. 
At least until you were ready to take the cure. 
You’re halfway to the cafeteria when it’s too much, the sense jumping like a punch to the back of your head. You stumble forward, blindsided by the effects. 
“Jeez, you okay?” Jess grabs your arm. 
“Fine! Fine…. I think.” You assure her halfheartedly.
The sense calms down into a more annoying ringing, but still stronger than when you first entered the building. Why was it acting up now? 
A familiar voice calling your name is your answer. You turn around and there he is, standing at the end of the hallway. 
Miguel— and god, he looks awful. 
Of course he had to show up when you were starting to feel like yourself again. The sense almost causes you to burst out in tears at the sight of him alone. It was a relief. It was a nightmare. 
God, you really don’t want to do this right now. 
He takes a few timid steps toward you, “I… I need to talk to you.”
“Why?” you immediately spit back. 
“It’s important,” He simply says. This was a bad idea. You want to go with him so badly but you know if you do it’ll open up all of your wounds again. 
“What’s going on, Mig?” Jess, bless her, tries to intervene. 
“This is between me and her,” Miguel bites out coldly. Jess didn’t often tolerate his bitchy behavior, but she turns to you instead. Her eyes look to you to see if everything is okay— a silent communication only women seemed to possess the power of. 
“It’s fine, Jess,” You pat her shoulder assuredly, “I’ll describe some coffee to you later.” 
She doesn’t look convinced that it is, in fact, fine but carries on her way regardless. She knew you well enough to be sure that you could handle yourself. She’d suspected something probably since the beginning. Yeah, you really need to come clean to her eventually. 
“What do you want?” You practically hiss at Miguel. He barely moves, simply pressing a button on his watch. A portal springs up on your right. 
“Not here,” He gestures to the spinning portal. Of course, this all had to be cryptic for no reason. Just another thing to torture you right now. You groan and step through the portal. 
It was like walking through a door, your feet landing on solid ground in less than a blink of an eye. A quick glance around and you see you’re in Miguel’s home. It’s dark, the only light coming from the glowing city outside. 
You turn to him as he exits the portal behind you. 
“We couldn’t have taken the sta—”
You don’t even finish the sentence before he pulls you into him, strong arms crushing you against his chest. You’re not sure what you expected… but it wasn’t this.
It’s embarrassing how good it makes you feel almost immediately. Like just his touch cured your countless sleepless nights. The familiar warmth of his arms seeping into your varying being as if he was holding your soul. Was a hug always this good? It’s certainly better than the last one you shared with him. 
The realization jolts you out of his embrace. You weren’t supposed to be together anymore. You weren’t supposed to be doing this shit anymore— right?
“What the hell, Mig?” is all you manage to gasp out. 
He stands there, unmoving, his arms still reaching out after you. You can’t read his face, his expression almost blank. Shocked, maybe?
“I… I don’t know—I had to—” he pulls his hands back, examining them as if he’s just killed someone, “Where were you?”
“Where was—” you balk out an annoyed laugh. Is that why he brought you up here, to check in on you? Toying with this all like some child, “On a mission with Jess, doing my job. Are you spying on me now? Do I have to report to you still?!”
He says nothing, letting your harsh yelling linger in the large space. He looks at you again, something you don’t recognize in his eyes. Suddenly all your anger is replaced with pity. What was happening?
“You’re—” He choked on his words, just for a moment, “You’re okay?”
“Am I o—” You take a step towards him, willing yourself not to reach out and touch him. Trying so desperately to hold up that wall. The resistance you’re not sure you had. 
The spider-sense… is screaming.
“Miguel… you’re scaring me.” 
He nods as if to say I’m scared too. Scared of what, though? You gulp as you break the barrier. You reach out and cradle his massive hands in yours. He sighs at your touch. Something horrible happened… or was going to happen—something to bring this warrior to his knees in a way you’d never seen before. 
“I… I don’t know what to do,” he admits shakily. “Little spider, I think I—”
“What do you need?” you ask immediately.
You see the corners of his mouth twitch up just briefly. Cute, but not an answer. 
“What happened?” You push.
His hands trail up your arms and come to cup your face. Your eyes flutter, almost instinctively. “Just… just tell me you're okay. Right now. In this moment.”
“Mig—” 
You’re not sure who does it. If he pulls your lips to his or if you jump up to meet him. Does it really matter? He tasted like freedom. Like the relief you’d been searching for all these weeks. Had you forgotten so easily? The taste of him. The feel of him. Something so indescribable— like a drug. He was your drug.
It’s a handsy fury, ripping off your clothes as you seemingly try to will his to fade away. There was no time for pleasantries, not this time. There was only hunger— unsatiated, gnawing hunger. 
Need. You needed him.
He backs you against the windows, their sudden coldness sending chills up your naked body. 
“Miguel, please—” you urge, for what exactly, you’re not entirely sure. Whatever he was willing to give you.
“Te tengo. Te tengo…” He chants as his mouth glides down your body, from your neck, between your breasts, and finally to your waiting cunt. 
He engulfs your heat greedily. You don’t recall ever screaming so loud. Sweet, perfect relief. He was perfect. 
He brings both of your legs over his shoulders and holds you there, your bare back pressed against the glass for all the world to see— not that anyone likely would from this height. And not that you really cared right now anyway. There was only him. Him. Him!
God, you missed his skillful mouth. Hungerly lapping at you like it nourished his very soul. It did, you suppose in a way. The sinful hunger helped both of you in its own way. Kept you sane. Kept you alive. You can’t believe you’ve lasted as long as you did without him. 
You come embarrassingly fast, but you’re not surprised with how much you had pent up over the last month. The orgasm rips you apart like an atom bomb, exposing your raw nerves underneath. Your vision goes white, your mouth goes dry. It was everything you were trying to give yourself all those lonely nights— Miguel gave it to you in two minutes. 
His mouth still sloppily runs between your legs as you come down. You squirm in his grasp, your sensitivity now turned up to eleven. 
“Miguel,” You plead, “I need you. I need you.”
A rumble emanates from his chest and up your legs as his mouth comes off you. He lowers your legs, holding you at his waist. He stands at his full height again, pinning you there. He trails his mouth back up your torso, pausing at your breasts to lull his tongue over each nipple before he finds your mouth again— his mouth and tongue coated with the taste of you. 
“Lo siento, arañita. Lo siento mucho.” he whispers between breaths. You know those words. He’s saying sorry. He’s sorry— you’re sorry too. Sorry for it to have come to this. 
He slides inside with a pained moan. Your walls clench around him with familiarity. 
“Like you were made for me,” He murmurs as his mouth slides down your neck. Though it’s completely healed over, he knows the mark he left. He stops on it, his tongue tracing the ghost of what was left there. The brand he left on your soul. 
He lifts you off his cock and slams back into you brutally. Your head falls back against the window with a defined thunk as he sets a ruthless pace. Bouncing you on his cock like you weighed nothing at all. That’s alright, he can use you. 
Your lude erotic sounds fill the space. Wet skin slapping on wet skin. Desperate wordless moans for more. Always more. 
“I missed you. I missed you,” You don’t didn’t even realize you were chanting it until your mouth went dry. 
“Shhh,” He nips at your lower lip, “I know. God, I know. I missed you too. I— fuck.”
Even amidst the animalistic lust-fueled frenzy, you could feel him trembling under your touch. His body quivering with more than just desire. Your combined anxieties manifesting into something desperate and terrifying. A need that couldn’t just be quelled with just your hands. 
Even in your bliss-fogged mind, you felt like a fool for ever letting something like this go. Something so rare and beautiful.
Ever since it appeared in your life you’d been trying to describe this impossible feeling. What was a shared spider-sense? A piece of you that you shared with someone else. How can you define what felt like pure instinct? Give a name to something that was indescribable?
The only thing you knew was that something felt right when you were together. The world made sense when this man was part of it, as infuriating as he could be at times. You were his, he was yours. Not yours in the sense that he belonged to you, but yours meaning he belonged with you. A pair, a set, forever intertwined. 
What was the spider-sense to you?
It was home. 
It felt like home. He felt like home.  
His hips come to a staggering halt as your second orgasm overtakes you. He bites down on your shoulder as he paints your walls. He stands there just for a moment before lowering you both to the ground on trembling legs. Neither of you speaks, panting out the thinning air between each other. Both of you refuse to let go, afraid that this time would surely be the last time you’d ever touch him. Keep him here, now, forever. Nothing could take him away from you right now. 
“Reboot complete.” An ambient voice rings through the room. It was certainly Lyla’s but it sounded… different. More robotic. 
“Oh no,” Miguel grumbles, his grip on you tightening. 
“What? What is it?” Why do you feel panicked? It’s just Lyla. 
Miguel pulls away, worry crossing those burgundy eyes, “I… I have to tell you something.” 
Before he can continue, a familiar golden glow springs up in the middle of the room. Pixels form together to make the familiar form of the infamous AI assistant. She turns to face you both. Miguel’s suit instantly appears back on his body. You’re suddenly very aware of your nakedness, despite her being a computer program. You grab for your abandoned suit crumbled on the floor, hurriedly shoving yourself back into it. 
 “Geez, knock first, Lyla,” You scold her. 
“You’re—” the program's gaze darts back to Miguel in an instant, “Miguel, you didn’t.” 
Miguel sits there shamefully, like a scolded dog. 
“I know we’re not supposed to be doing this anymore,” You come to his defense, slipping your arm into the final sleeve, “It just kind of happened.”
Lyla cock’s her head at you. Was she… confused? Did Lyla get confused? Again, she turns back to Miguel. 
“You didn’t tell her?”
An unknown fear pricks at the hairs on your neck, “Tell me what?”
Miguel stands, arms outstretched to console you. His mouth was open and ready with an explanation before he was interrupted again. 
“Miguel!” Another voice echoes through the large room as it enters the apartment. Gabe. He pauses at the living room entrance. “Oh no. No no no, Miggy. What is she doing here? Estas loco?!”
“Excuse me?” You start before Miguel comes to your defense. 
“She’s here because I chose for her to be here,” He steps in front of you, “She has a right to be here.”
“You’re not God, Miguel,” Gabe marches over, slapping his older brother in the chest. Miguel doesn’t react, “You don’t get to make these decisions. No one does.No puedo creer que estés cometiendo los mismos errores de nuevo. No puedo creer—”
“I’ve told you this is not the same. Ella es diferente,” Miguel bites out, looming over Gabe. The younger brother does not back down.
“Bullshit!”
“Hey!” You finally scream. All eyes in the room snap to you in an instant, some angrier than others. “Someone please… tell me what’s happening.”
You see Gabe’s defenses drop, pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a step away.
“Jesucristo, Mig.” You hear him mumble into his hand.  
Miguel looks back to you, some kind of horrifying desperation pulling at his features. You’re not sure why, but it scares you. 
“Arañita… Sit down. I have something to tell you.”
_______
Translations:
Te tengo. Te tengo…: I’ve got you. I’ve got you...
Lo siento, arañita. Lo siento mucho: I’m sorry, little spider. I’m so sorry.
No puedo creer que estés cometiendo los mismos errores de nuevo. No puedo creer– : I can’t believe you’re making the same mistakes again. I can’t believe—
Ella es diferente: She’s different
Jesucristo, Mig: Jesus Christ, Mig
Please please please let me know if any of this is wrong
________
Taglist:
@ineedgarlicbread @pinkiemme @thesilenthill @bontensbabygirl @fallenangelsongwolf @raerorigel @littlefreakymunson @viriexo
@w33ni3 @del-ightfulling
Taglist post here!!!
98 notes · View notes
thequietkid-moonie · 2 months
Note
okay, i have no idea why it took me so long to request this BUT... kokichi, nagito, kazuichi, 9S, 2B and A2 with an autistic s/o (or just neurodivergent in general <3)
i hope you're having a lovely morning, day, evening or night moonie! you're great and i'm looking forward to reading this hehe <3
Autistic S/O
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[ HEADCANONS ] [ Kokichi, Nagito, Kazuichi, 9S, 2B, A2 ]
[ Killing Harmony ] [ Goodbye Despair ] [ NieR Automata ]
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Thank you for requesting this V-chaaaan!!! Is been so loooong since last time i wrote for autistic reader and this was totally amazing to write!!
I was a little nervous since I didn't knew if I was writing it right but at the end I think i made a good job! Besides, i been trying to left behind all the masking and try to just be autistic so this is comforting!
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Kokichi Ouma
Once someone catch Kokichi's attention the he will become clingy and incredibly curious about that person, his main reason was to get to know with what he could mess with you, that is how he find out you are autistic even before you get to tell him, and even if at first he just tries to find ways to mess with you by it as he grows to care more for you he becomes more respectful
Kokichi doesn't see anything bad on you being autistic, is the way you have born and is who you are and there is nothing wrong with it, he would call you silly if you ever feel bad about being or doing what you need to feel comfortable (besides, he doesn't want show you how much it hurt him seeing you upset by you just being you when he completely loves it). He is more than ready to step in to defend you if someone dares to say something bad about you for being you, and if someone is bold enough to call you a burden for being autistic then that person will be his new and only target for a while (he will even ask Gonta's help since Gonta is willing to protect his friends too)
Kokichi does want to know more about your autism since for everyone affects and is expressed their own ways, besides he loves learning more about you, so he will just follow you around wherever you go and ask you a lot of things (he is too curious to don't do it, but if you feel overwhelmed or like he is inviding your personal space he will stop, brushing it off with a joke of course, but will apologize when you two are alone, specially if he had upset you) he may joke about your behavior or about the way you do things but he doesn't mean to hurt you, is just his normal self and he tries to don't come up with harmful jokes
One of the biggest desire of Kokichi is to be seen as funny for others, he doesn't want to be seen as boring, and adding that he likes playing pranks is safe to say that he will pull pranks on you and joke a lot with you, however he does take in consideration your autism when thinking on the pranks or the jokes, making sure is something won't trigger you nor overwhelme you, as well that is something you can easily understand (in case you have troubles understanding certain things), he actually has a lot of fun while thinking on what jokes and pranks he can do to you but will deny it and feel incredibly embarrassed if someone ever find out, even if someone point it out as a posibility he immediatly gets on the defensive due the embarrassment (even if is you)
Kokichi grows to be quite protective over you, specially when you are more sensitive, he just hate seeing you in pain or bothered by something (and if you tent to stim in harmful ways that trigger something inside of him), still he tries to go around the topic and help you indirectly, be by distracting you or making you to only focus on him, or going against others if they had triggered you
He like hearing you talk about your special interests, he may don't remember everything you had told him because he sometimes gets easily distracted but he does remember the most important parts (or the ones that are definetly your favorites), and you can see it reflected on some of the jokes he says where he mention something you had told him about your special interest
He would think is a little silly having comfort item or even stim toys actually he is just jealous but at the same time he assure you that is completely fine, if you want them then why don't having them? He doesn't let anyone touch them or even glance at them unless he knows they have your permission (and ask like a million of times if you are sure), and he normally doesn't touch them unless he has your permision or just can't resist (over time he will learn how important they are for you and learn to don't hide them as a prank)
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Nagito Komaeda
Is painfully obvious when Nagito is in love, he wants to be with you at all times (even when he sees himself as nothing more than trash and a burden), and he will pay a lot of attention to you, wanting to learn about you or just appreciate you, so even if you don't tell him about it, even before start dating, he would notice that there is something off about you (not that he find it as being bad, he just noticed)
If you decide to tell him that you are autistic he will accept it right away, telling you that nothing could make him think less of you nor love you less, he will want to know more (and even ask your permission before asking for more details), this is obviously something important for you, it affects the way you percive the world after all. Even so, if you prefer to keep it as a secret Nagito will notice the little hints of thing you like, dislike or even do, he won't confront you about it but will take mental notes about it (even when he feels like invading your privacy by doing it)
Honestly, Nagito doesn't see anything bad on your disability (not that he would ever see anything bad on you), he just thinks is something that makes you way more special and hopeful, you don't see the worlds like other and had to live in a world that isn't made with your needs in mind (sadly, he actually hates it) and that makes you even more hopeful in his eyes
Even when Nagito is really clingy and needy you will be his top priority, so he will pay close attention and hesitantly ask if you have special need that he should have in consideration, he is willing to change his whole life just to fit on what is best for you, is the least he can do and only hopes that trash like him can help you with whatever you need (that is what he insist on), besides he hates seeing you upset and if he can do something to help you out he won't even doubt on doing whatever he can for you
Nagito is touch starved and will be lying if he says that he won't like to be close to you, however he doesn't seem himself as worthy and thinks that he may just bother you, so he just let you touch him whenever you want, and however you want, if you want a hug or hold his hand is okay, as well he is always up for you to stim with him, play with his hands or hair all you want he doesn't mind (actually he feels completely flustered and honored, it brings him so much joy, although he insisted on apologizing for you having to touch or be around trash like him at first)
If you sometimes don't do simple things like eating or drinking water, wearing warm clothes when its cold or even getting hurt without noticing just because you just didn't felt it or just forgot is something that will worry him way too much, he wants you to be healthy and happy (and he is scare of losing you), so in this case he will make his personal goal to take care of you, however it would be really dificult for him to get used to do it because trash like him shouldn't tell you what to do, but he tries to remind himself that is for your own good
With time he will learn to identify how you express yourself, whenever you are happy (if you happy stim he will start doing it with you at some point, but will apologize profusely for doing it the first time) or whenever you are feeling sad or annoyed, he tries his hardest to help you avoid things you hate or hurt, still there is the posibility of you feeling overwhelmed, he would panic the first time but quickly tries to help you (remembering all he knows so far about you), he will get better at helping over time, and even if the first times he made a good job he will apologize for not being of help
As well, Nagito is completely respectful of you and your things, if you have comforting things, stiming toys or anything that can help you he treats those things with the say gentleness he treats you (however, he wont dare to touch those things unless you give him your explicit permission, and still he will feel hesitant of holding them at first, fearing that his luck will act and make him broke them or something)
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Kazuichi Soda
Kazuichi tent to be blinded by his love, once he falls in love he start to seeing the person he likes as perfect and won't hear anyone saying that there is something wrong with that person, that is why even if he ever start noticing the hints of your autism he probably just won't think much of it
You have to tell him directly and with sincerity that you are autistic and that there are certain things you don't tolerate, otherwise it would take him a long time to notice (even when he notice whenever you feel upsed, he would just not fully understand), and even if you ask him to be a little less intense or there are things about him that overwhelmed you he will be grateful that you tell him now rather than just suffering in silence, it take him a moment to fully process the information but at the end he knows this is for your comfort and healthy so he has no problem on having to adapt himself to you
Kazuichi will actually have a hard time understanding that you have autism and actually remembering that there are certain things he should change or just do, he is quite clingy, touchy and loud so he probably bring you some troubles, still he does apologize everytime he sees that he had made you uncomfortable (for what he hates himself) and always promise to don't do it again, wich he always tries, in the other hand if you don't mind that part of him or even liked it that will make him feel so much joy and will even be proud of himself (but will lead him to be a little more intense for a while)
It has never been a secret how much Kazuichi loves you, and loves everything about you, so your autism will only increase the little quirks of you that he loves, your good hearing or the way you always notice little details, how diferent things bring you diferent sensations or even that there are things you prefer to avoid, everything makes you even more beautiful and special in his eyes! He has no problem on helping you avoid what it hurts and surround yourself with comforting and good things!
As well, he is quite protective over you, so he doesn't want to protect you only of your surroundings but also of people, he doesn't let anyone say anything bad about your autism, he won't be the type to jump into the fight but if someone dares to ofend you that person won't heard the end of it. As well, Kazuichi won't really be the best when it comes to comforting but he is fully focused on helping you feel well again whenever you feel the slighest upsed, he goes from reminding you how beautiful and special you are to bringing you anything that can comfort you (items, food, something related to your special interest, anything he can think on), it may be a little exaggerated but intention is what counts
Kazuichi is mesmerized by your voice, so he will be more than happy to heard you talk about your special interest, he may get confused sometimes with so much infomation and ask a few times if you can repeat yourself but he is trying his best to actually learn what are you talking about (although, there are some times where he gets completely quiet because he is lost and don't understand what are you talking about at all, but he always apologize for it). As well, he won't dare to ask you for it but he it will bring him way too much joy if you are willing to heard him rant about what he likes or what he is working on too
His workshop can be either an interesting place or a complete nightmare, with all the stimuli that are there, from visual to auditory and even olfactory, he loves your company and if you were willing to stay with him while he works then he will be more than happy, but if his workshop is something that makes you uncomfortable he will profusely apologize before taking you away from there, he even promise to make it up for you (he gets into the habit of cleaning himself before seeing you after working, although he is a little messy while cleaning himself because he wants to rush and see you right away)
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9S
9S can't just hold back himself, even when feelings are forbidden for a YoRHa Unit he just can't not feel (and express himself, he has no problem with speaking his heart out), and even if at first it was more curiosity and his duty it didn't take him long to fall in love with you
9S is a really curious android, he likes learning all he can about the world and the humans, so even before finding you he already knew quite a lot about humans, thanks to that (and for being really observant) it wont take him long to realice that, in fact you aren't as how the common humans are, what, honestly, just lead him to be more curious
At first your autism was something that make him feel really curious, but the more got to learn about it and how it affects you the more he start to love it, he sometimes feels bad about loving your disability the way he does (mainly when you feel upset or even overwhelmed) but he just can't help it, for him is like something that just makes you a million times more special, what sometimes lead him to feel a little flustered since you love him too
9S will be so curious about your autism that is more probably that he will try to ask you about it since the start, he will be a little messy and overexcited with his questions but will apologize when he realice what he is doing, reasuring you that you don't have to answer all his questions. After the initial excitement 9S will choose to be more calm and learn by watching you rather than asking (unless you don't mind), honestly he will never be tired of watching you, every time he get to learn something new about you he feels so much joy and amusment, even if is something small
Something that will make him quite sad is when he gets to learn about the stimuli that brings you discomfort, he thinks the world is quite fascinating and interesting but if there are some things that you can't just tolerate or even hurts it makes him immediatly worry, he can't be at ease when he knows you are upsed (although, he doesn't blame you or get mad in the slighest, he is just genuinely worried about you and won't dare to leave you alone when you are feeling bad, unless you really need to be alone)
9S will always try to create a comfortable and safe space around you, surrounding you with things you aprove as being comforting and not overstimulanting, always make sure to bring you new things that he find on his missions that he thinks you will like or make sure to carry around a comfort item of your safe space whenever you two go out for a walk (or in a little adventure)
If you ever have problems to express yourself or even go non-verbal he won't make a big deal out of it, he may be weird out and worried the first time but over time he just get used to, and every time it happen he is always there to try to help you find the right words or just guess what are you trying to express, you can even invent your own way to express yourself and he will just adapt to it (he actually has a lot of fun trying to help you, he finds it interesting and amusing)
9S grow to have the habit of constantly asking your opinion or put attention to your reaction to diferent things because he loves getting to know how you see the world, he loves hearing you rant about things that catch your attention or just stim to express yourself, he always watch you with a lot of love and care, those moments of peace feels like if in the world only exist you two
Also, 9S grows to love watch you stim so much that he just get used to imitate you, and end up doing it himself, specially when he has to be away for a mision and can't be with you, he just end up doing what you do to stim without even noticing
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2B
As much as 2B repeat herself that something like feelings is forbidden for a YoRHa Unit that have never stoped her from actually feeling, and falling in love wouldn't be an exception, even when it take her a while to accept her feelings at the end she started a relationship with you with the silent promise to protect you from anything and everything
2B doesn't know everything about humans, only the data that YoRHa has (and the part that she is allowed to get to know), still she will probably know (or at least suspect) that you aren't exactly like the common humans, she notice the little hints of your autism since the start but decide to don't say anything (and is quickly to shut up pod if they say something about it)
2B is more like a spectator most of the time with you, specially for your condition, she prefers to watch you go around and learn by doing so (besides, she finds quite fascinating just watching you and learning from it, is something so new and yet so beautiful in her eyes), she will learn over time to identify whenever you enjoy or hate something, she learns to identify your reactions and signals and quickly to help you whenever you are feeling upset. YoRHa units have been made to protect humanity, however is her love what lead her to see you as the most precious person in her life and the one she must protect at all cost, you are the bright of her days and her hope, she wouldn't mind perishing in battle if is to protect you
Once knowing that you are autistic she will try to learn more about it, and will even ask 9S if he knows about it, she wants to know as much as she can because is something important in your life (she will ask you too, but it would take her a while since she feels a little bit shy about asking you about it, considering it as something really personal), and, at the end she will make sure to don't forget anything she had learn and always take it in consideration when being with you (or when something is related to you)
2B goes at your rythm and following your lead most of the time, if you want physical affection she will do her best to provide it to you, if you don't want to be touched she will take some distance, if you want to go around she will be by your side, making sure your little trip is safe, if you want to infodump she is all ears, if you just feel like doing nothing she can make you company while doing nothing (honestly, most of the time she just look like some kind of bodyguard but she does it from the bottom of her heart, and will learn to feel more at ease over time, finally actually participate and will start to want more)
2B grows to be a little overprotective over you, she just want to keep you safe and by being human already make her think of you as weak or delicate (mainly for the diference of her being an android and you a human, not because she underestimate you), and your condition only makes her that idea go further, whenever you are feeling specially sensitive she gets anxious, not knowing if it would be alright for her to approach since she doesn't want to cause you any pain
Also, 2B tries her best to provide you with comforting things, she even ask 9S and the androids of the resistance camp for help, she ask that if they find anything that could make you feel more comfortable or at home please let her know
2B will just grow to have the habit of constantly look at you to make sure you are feeling alright and trying to read your body language for any sight of whatever you feel, she is always trying to make you feel comfortable, she doesn't know how it is to be human, let alone how it feels the world the way you feel it, so, at some point she will ask you to please don't doubt on expressing how you feel or if you need something, she will be there to help you at the best of her habilities
Despite everything, one of 2B's favorites things to do is just watch or heard you, the way you express, the way you stim or even just the way your carry yourself around is fascinating to her, is one of the beauties of being alive and is a reminder for her that if you love her then that means she isn't a bad person
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A2
Finding a human alive was really surprising and yet that wasn't the only reason why she decided to keep you close to her, she feel worry and care for you since the start so decided to keep you close and help you, the care only grew over time and she realiced that what she felt was love the moment she noticed how you have changed her life, making it brighter and bringing more things to her life aside form the loneliness and sadness
A2 probably won't know about humans as much as the new YoRHa Units, but since she cares for you she pays a lot of attention to you so she will just learn how you are by watching you, and she actually start to grow quite curious over time; once she feel more comfortable with having you around (and finds a way to keep you safe while still killing the machines) then she will try to learn more and maybe even get the courage to ask (what won't be too difficult when you two start dating)
A2 takes her time to get to meet you slowly, asking you little by little about your autism and your curious behavior, she takes time to fully understand what are you telling her about what and how you feel, and everything she get to know makes her feel more curious but also protective over you
A2 is really protective over you, she does regret what happened on her past and have already lost a lot, so she fears losing you too (specially after creating a special bound with you), that is why she feels frustrated about your autism because, as much as she wants there are things that she can't protect you from, stimuli and sensations that makes you feel bad or that even hurt and a full new concept for her, and even when she undestand it she just feels like she can't do anything for you, at the end is that feeling what lead her to actually ask you if there is something she can do for you when you feel overwhelmed or bothered by those things, she will try to do all she can to bring you at least a little bit of comfort
A2 tend to worry a lot when it comes to you, now that you are here with her you are all what she has, and since she let you get close to her now you mean way to much for her, that is way she gets scare whenever you feel hipersensitive or overwhelmed, just by seeing you in distress makes her feel anxious, fearing that someone have tried to attack you, it would take her a long time to get used to this kind of situation, still no matter how much times it pass she always worries a lot. It will also worry her when she saw you stim or go semi-verbal or non-verbal for the first time, she feared that something have happened to you (although, even when she feels scare she keeps the composture, so it may not be obvious)
You end up changing A2's life because she has more to do rather than just go around and kill the machines, now she has to take care of you, and yet he isn't bothered by the slighest, you could fully rely in her and she won't have troubles with be there for you because now you are her new purpose on life (however, she prefers if you don't fully relay on her for everything because it could put you at risk since you two live in a dangerous world). Is more likely A2 just end up bulding some kind of house where you can be comfortable and safe, is not A2's style but now that she has you one of her main purposes is to keep you safe (besides, if changes put you in distress it would be better to avoid them as much as posible)
A2 is really interested on learning about how you see the world and life, you two just probably have diferent ways to see the present (specially since you are human), so A2 tries to motivate you to express yourself all you want, even if she doesn't do it most of the time that shouldn't stop you, even if you do it by meaningless sounds or movements just to stim A2 will just learn that is the way you express yourself and will end up finding it quite mesmerizing
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ykiwrite · 1 year
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priorities
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description: you end up tangled in the accident. how will jenna take this?
words: 1.2k
*requested by anon
Two things kept manifesting in Jenna's mind throughout this shooting.
You.
Sleep.
You?
Some more sleep. Here you are once again.
She never lied about her love for acting but it was just one of those days. Lines were particularly hard to remember, retakes were in dozens and the crew kept picking on her mistakes.
On top of that, there were few hours left of work that dragged on tortuously slow. But she wanted this role and she got it. Another horror plot but without any mentions of Wednesday thankfully. Fresh start was needed.
"Good job guys. Let's take a break. One more and we're closing it off," let the director be known with a clap of his hands.
Jenna let out a weary sigh. Her face relaxed and the scripted character left her mind in an instant.
Slap on her shoulder broke her out of the trance that kept her unconsciously stuck on the spot. Turning her head hastily and realizing who it was, she silently wished someone else was casted instead.
"You good? Wanna maybe take a break with me and the guys over there?" asked the guy she didn't really try to catch the name of these past days.
"Yeah, uh, i'll just go outside for a breather alone if you don't mind." Sprinkled with the best false smile she could've mustered up right there.
"That's fine but let's say coffee's on me?" said the guy with a spark of hope that was quickly smothered by her phone ringing.
Not really leaving any room for his answer her hands were quicker and steps advancing with a mind of their own. She didn't really care who was calling as long as it bailed her out of this situation. Without sparing a glance she swiped to answer.
"Hello?"
"Jenna?" echoed on the other side.
The feeling of hearing your voice combined with the fresh outside air gave her five more years of life down the line.
"Thank god it's you. Called just in time," she told you with relief. Knowing the problems will melt away by themselves because you said so.
"Really? No problem but uhh- I'm kinda..." you stopped your sentence with a shaky exhale. And the fact only traffic noise could be heard further annoyed her wait.
"You're kinda what?"
Another exhale, "I just might be in a hospital bed right now. It's nothing serious though. That's why i called."
For some unknown reason, your wording made it sound like it's an everyday thing she should not worry about. If it were not the panic would most likely be over the roof. Now, it's a bit below that stage.
"You're where? What, why? Are you okay?" she uttered quickly.
With a poor attempt to calm her down, you said "No don't worry, i'm great. If i were not, i would not call you, right?"
There was a scared smile behind your phone and the absence of words on the other side made it worse. No one can blame you for not wanting to burden her.
"Are you kidding me? You're even making jokes right now? Where are you?"
And just like that she didn't let another second slip by before she was staring at the room's hospital number.
279
Ironic, she thought.
She genuinely tried to be nice to everyone that spotted her on the way to you but she simply could not waste any more time. She pushed the door open not knowing what to expect upon seeing you. How bad is it? Did you barely get out alive? Can you walk? Breathe? Stress was taking her apart piece by piece.
What made the weight fall off her heart for the slightest bit was seeing you act like it was Sunday evening and you just occupied your shared living room with no care in the world. Seeing the TV mounted high up in the corner with some movie playing.
Only your hand in a cast and hospital's repellent uniform with happy motives all over it brought her back to earth and the worry struck again.
She didn't leave you a chance to take her in before she basically teleported to your side, continuously repeating the question of what went down.
"Car accident. Not my fault though, i have license for a reason," you tried to blend in a joke but Jenna was not having it. At all. Instead, she pulled the offered chair closer and sat next to you. Your free hand never unlinking with hers. This was the last straw of her day. You generally don't have the need to be thankful someone survived an accident if you're lucky.
But Jenna did. For the first time and her mind is currently not present.
"Jenna?" you shook her gently but strong enough to break out of the stare she holds somewhere in the distance.
She moved her soulless gaze to look at you which made you discover her eyes were red from the tears. The ones she never acted out by the script. Especially in an empty room with you next to her.
You understand. You do. Her reaction does not differ far away from what yours would be if the position switch. Reasonably she was worried. Terrified and head filled with various outcomes of this.
Still, you pushed the rosy persona to speak instead of your true one, "No, no, no. Jenna, love, don't do this. I'm fine i promise you."
Well, that persona did not hold up for much longer before it shattered and you were back to true self. One that matched hers. With your shaky speech of an attempted comfort that reached the point where you had no idea what you were even saying. Tears escaped as you realized "Yeah, this could have been a very bad ending. But it's not. Maybe it is? Maybe this is heaven and Jenna is here for a last visit."
With such wariness that was needless because it was Jenna, you slowly extended your hand that reached her tear stained cheek. You wiped them away leaving a trail of actors' makeup behind. There was no tension or excessive silence. Only monitors beeping that neither of you acknowledged at this moment. Room was dimly lit which only added to both of your appearances. Causing you to capture each other in the sheerest emotions that are not easily shared.
The other hand removed yours just to create a clear pathway for falling into your chest. Jenna was longing for this but not here. On an outdated chair but oddly comfortable bed with an awkward position.
"Come up here," you said as you freed the space for her to join you. "Let's watch TV or something."
"No, we don't have to. I mean unless you want to." Her intentions were bright as a day through the way she burrowed impossibly closer to you. Locking you in her grasp.
You stared at the clock on the wall in silence. Not sure if Jenna's up for talking it out or not yet. "Also, i'm sorry for crashing our car and taking you off the set. I know how much you wanted that movie-"
The words made her look up in disbelief, "Can you not apologize for that? It's not even your fault to begin with. Did they drug you with something that heavy?"
You weakly laughed at her, "Yeah, your love they said. A lifetime dose."
Jenna let out the biggest sigh of embarrassment upon hearing it. But not without a smile following right after. "You're sooo...whatever."
It just further approved to her you're back to being you.
notes: society if i could write one single story that doesn't have unnecessary "i love you so much" moment like this one at the ending
hope u enjoyed and thanks for the request🖤 and i am SO SORRY for being so slow with this i was just ultra busy behind the screen
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lunarw0rks · 10 months
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Old Bones | Chapter Two
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Summary: After fleeing a toxic relationship, you fear for your safety and hire a bodyguard. He's masked, impassible, and damn good at what he does. | Word Count: 2.2k
Warning(s): implied physical abuse, PTSD themes, panic attacks, very mild hurt/comfort, descriptions of mild violence
A/N: Cherry Wine by Hoizer inspired this chapter. It's so them. I hope this isn't too lackluster, I'm trying to establish things before sh*t hits the fan.
꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST // have a request? ♡¸.•*' ⋆ ⚘ 🕊 ˚✧ ₊˚ʚ prev. chapter | next chapter | playlist | ao3 ver. ꒦꒷ O.B MASTERLIST
Cherry Wine
To your surprise, he’d stayed in the chair most of the night, probably only dozing off for short periods of time in between. Here you were, in a life-or-death situation, and you were feeling like a burden for troubling the man who was just doing his job.
You were debating if the stress had finally turned your brain to mush, and maybe it’s messing with the wiring because nothing lately has made any sense to you.
“I can stay up every other night if you need the sleep?” You hand him a mug of tea, not giving him the chance to refuse it this time. Besides, he didn’t have many options—your pantry was as empty and sad as the rest of your place.
He reluctantly takes it, shifting awkwardly in the armchair. The mug is practically swallowed by his large hand, daring you to laugh at the sight of it.
“You’re more likely to be attacked at night.” He grumbles, taking a small sip of the tea, and then looking at it in disapproval like you’d chosen the wrong brand.
He doesn’t bother to reassure you, nothing like that. You know what he’s doing—distancing himself, that way this agreement stays clean.
“I guess it’s just… Strange for me. You, here, and I don’t know anything about you.” How were you supposed to trust his skills if you don’t even know his name?
“Nothing you need to know about me,” he grouses, peering through hooded lids, “just like I don’t need to know why you’re still wearing that ring with no husband here. Let’s keep it that way.”
Your chest tightened at the mention of him, finding your fingers fiddling with the ring. The engagement ring you’d swear was thorned so you can’t slip it off. You nod at his words, despite the questions you have for him still deafening.
He finishes off his mug and grunts from the stiffness of his limbs. He’d been waiting for you to get up, staying idle the entire night, like he’d been trained. It never got easier, and frankly, he was shaking with anticipation. He got so used to the combat and firefights—playing babysitter was more excruciating than negotiating a hostage situation.
“I have some shopping to do.” Your words rip him away from the blank stare he has on the dripping faucet, forcing him to straighten his posture and respond.
He pulls up the hood of his jacket, and the last thing you hear is the jingling of his truck keys and the shutting of your front door.
Click.
This time, it’s your own fingers that unlock the door to his truck. He leans against the seat for a few months and a hefty sigh leaves his lips as he kills the ignition. Once you’ve climbed out of the truck, he’s tailing you, arms rest eager at his sides—for anything or anyone.
Though you scurry inside to shield your clothes from the rain, he stays a few feet behind, merely blinking away the droplets that fall onto his lashes.
You only bother to look behind you a few times, as if to assure yourself you literally have him watching your back, and he always is. Pretending to snoop through items, picking up and “reading” labels. You nearly scoffed at how conspicuous he was—he stood out so intensely, especially with the mask disguising his true features.
You only grab the things you need, things that can be stuffed into your luggage at any time—canned foods, non-perishables, the things you’ve been living off for months.
You’ve got your depressing rations now, and you’re making your way to the neverending shelves of booze. Usually, you wouldn’t bother with the stuff, but one bottle can’t hurt.
Besides it’s another weapon for your arsenal; the file cabinet of horrible scenarios you worked out in your head. What you’d reach for when that horrible fate of a man catches up to you.
He finds his way inside the apartment and you’ve been cornered. What are you grabbing to defend yourself?
Bathroom, it’s the toilet lid if you’re quick enough. The bedroom, it’s the vase the last tenant left behind—thick enough to bludgeon any intruder. But now, you’ve arrived at the kitchen without any knives handy. Surely, a hefty bottle of whiskey could do the trick.
You grab the first one you see—a bottle of Kentucky bourbon. The bottle with the most grip on the neck of it; surely something you could use if you needed to.
Next, it’s the champagne and wine section; out of your price range, as well as an aisle you avoid at all costs. You lay eyes on the bottle he bought during your first date, some gaudy fancy restaurant that felt like compensation for his lack of soul. Disingenuous, and a cover-up for the temper he had.
It was a cherry wine—an attractive bottle with gold finishes, but inside was a dreadful bitterness. The taste of it was something you had to wash away with multiple swallows of water. You didn’t have the heart to show it at the time. The sight of it puts that awful taste back in your mouth—not only the wine, the taste of him too.
A gorgeous bottle with garnishes, but the liquid inside was bitter and chronic with absolutely no hint of the juicy cherries painted on the label. The irony of it made you want to scoff—the deceptiveness carried its way from his heart to the wine he first shared with you.
It was the first lashing he gave you; the only one that didn’t end in blood or bruises, just one you were too tipsy to acknowledge.
He watches from afar, noticing that freeze again, just like the one you do every time you look at the stars. This time, it’s something with the wine in front of you. He closes in a bit, putting down whatever item he was pretending to inspect. Now, he’s only a few feet from you, fingers playing with the knife he keeps hidden in the front pocket.
You nearly forgot he was there until you turned back around, realizing you’d been spaced out for God knows how long at some damn wine bottles.
You want to clear your throat, give him a nod and keep walking, but the walk down memory lane was going to take a few minutes to recover from. Your body can’t tell the difference between thinking he’s there, and him actually being. Either way, your hands clam up and you’re covered with goosebumps.
Your face is a few shades paler when you catch a glimpse of it in the reflection, and your eyes are glossy. A state you’re far too familiar with by now.
Large hands have snaked around your waist, as the voice of a patron comes and goes.
“Excuse me, sorry.” His tone is innocent enough, and his touch only lingers for a few moments as he squeezes through the narrow aisle. You turn your head, seeing only the stranger’s backside.
His head of hair is something you’d recognize anywhere. It can’t be him. Not here, not this soon. He’s gone already, shopping somewhere on the other side of the store. It wasn’t him, your rational side knew that, but the side just causing you to zone out didn’t.
The basket is on the floor, and you’re sitting on the linoleum, head in your hands. It felt so much like him and looked the part too. You’re heaving now, mind only filled with pictures of his tightened expression, when you were on the dining room floor with the wind knocked out of you—that damn expression he always had, like you were dirt on his shoes.
When you look around, you’re not in that dining room, you’re a puddle in the middle of the supermarket, making a scene.
No sign of the man your brain is taunting you with. Just your bodyguard, who would be in the car driving away right now if he could. But instead, he’s clasped your arm, forcing you to your feet.
“Are you mad?” He hisses into your ear, looking at the faces of concerned shoppers around you two.
He grabs the basket and rushes you to the door, forcing you to make your scene outside while he buys the groceries you’ve already forgotten about.
He’s out of there in a minute, having just put a few large bills on the checkout counter and bagged the items himself. Your palms are resting on the hood of his truck, both the rain and your tears clouding your vision. You can’t calm yourself, not for the life of you.
He drops the plastic bag of groceries onto the cement, gripping both sides of your face, forcing you to look at the reality in front of you. No raging ex-husband, no immediate threat, just him and you in the parking lot.
He’s been trained for this, only typically it’s another soldier experiencing shell shock. Meeting your eyes has done nothing to ground you, so he has to go firmer to snap you out of it. He restricts your wrists with one hand, while the other holds the back of your head, forcing you against his chest. He’s only seen it once, how sometimes the pressure of one’s arms around the sufferer will reduce the heart rate back to normal.
You struggle at first, trying to get out of the hold, but the energy fades quickly. Soon, you’re just panting in between sobs. Everything in you wants to get out of this awkward hold, but your body doesn’t lie. Whatever response training he used on you, it stopped an awful panic attack that otherwise would’ve taken you hours to soothe.
When you’ve finally gone silent, and it’s just the view of your cheek squished against his chest, he lets you out. “Mind telling me what the hell that was?” He hands you your groceries and opens the passenger for you.
“I thought it was him… he was just so close to me—” Your speech has reduced to barely audible stammers, even after your breathing is back to regular.
As much as he’s trying to keep professional, he’s not completely void of compassion. The missing pieces to your story have begun to fall into place now. He had an idea before, but now the grim reality of what you might’ve been through had slapped him across the face.
The echoes of his past are swatted away quickly. How personal this situation was for him didn’t make a difference.
“I know. But it wasn’t him.” His attempts to remain cold are unwavering, despite seeing so much of your vulnerability at once.
“Let’s go back.”
Your trembling legs struggle to climb into the truck, but they make it nonetheless. He’s reserved for most of the ride back, only glancing at you briefly every minute, yet you keep your eyes glued to the windshield. There was nothing to say. The humiliation of your scene in the store was more punishment than any unsympathetic pities he attempted.
The bags are set on your empty counters with a sigh. He places the items into your pantry and then notices the bottle of Kentucky. He takes it out, examining the label. It was his favorite, lucky for him.
“Leave that on the counter.” You speak up, having been watching the whole time. He sets it back down, not even bothering to question your reasons.
He exits the kitchen and claims the armchair again, hands on each of his thighs like the first time you saw him. Stoic and unbothered, like usual.
“How much cash do you need for the groceries?” You’re rifling through the bills in your wallet.
“No need.” He sighs, holding that scowl until you put your wallet away. If he’d just give you an inch, perhaps conversations wouldn’t be this unbearable. You learned your lesson this morning—he wants anonymity. That’s very clear.
Beyond the mask, he’s fighting himself.
He was closed-off—not a complete barbarian. The sight of you crumbling before him was bothering him. He’s not thinking of this as a protection job, just another contract to see through, and then he moves on. Something in your wide-eyed expression before pushed back on that stubbornness.
He was in it now, in it deep, whether he liked it or not. Too far in to resist his doggedness much longer.
It was midday, the perfect time for him to catch up on his lost sleep. The golden sunset peaking through the blinds nearly made your apartment look liveable. He finds his footing and is soon standing over your seated frame.
You give a nod of approval, letting him know you’ll handle yourself in the meantime. If anything were to happen during his nap, he’d have his gun drawn in an instant, which he was sure of.
When he reaches the hall, his hand is hovering over the doorknob of the room you’d set up. His voice makes you turn to look at him. His gaze is somehow softer, at least partially resembling a functioning human being for once.
“Simon,” he declares, losing eye contact now that he’s spoken.
Your brows tighten, not expecting him to answer the questions you’d asked him hours before. Or ever, for that matter.
He had no choice but to give in because there was a bond now: the protector and the protectee.
“The name’s Simon.”
TAGLIST: @random-thot-generator @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons
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