#because i Crave That Mineral (validation) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clumsyclifford · 4 years

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you and i are finally gonna get it right

seems like i should post this on tumblr as well because that seems to be the thing to do so here i am, doing that :) massive overwhelming shoutouts to @ashesonthefloor for reading this when it was even worse than it is now & helping me with it and also @cliiffords for letting me talk nonstop about how horrible it is <3 (fair warning: this fic is 5k so if youre on mobile...settle in lol)

here’s an ao3 link you can use if you prefer

If Michael has to pioneer the movement of normalizing being tattoo-free, then so be it. He and Calum will be the frontmen. - Neither Michael nor Calum have soulmates tattoos. (Apparently.)

November 20th, 2013

Michael wakes up in his bed with a hangover and a tight sting on his left upper arm. Before he even opens his eyes, he cycles through all five stages of grief. He’s not sure he’s properly landed on acceptance when curiosity gets the best of him, and he looks.

To The Moon.

Oh. Wait a minute.

That’s not a soulmate tattoo. That’s a genuine, god’s-honest tattoo that he’d gotten last night. It had been a slightly drunken (okay, very wasted) decision, encouraged by Calum, but looking at it in this light, he doesn’t regret it. And — he squints. Just underneath it, approximately the dimensions of his thumb, is a string of numbers. Michael stares at 250196 for many minutes, but his hungover brain feels fuzzy and bewildered. He doesn’t remember getting that one, but it’s not a long shot to assume it had been part of last night’s shenanigans. Michael remembers him and Calum stumbling into the tattoo parlor, giggling far too loudly for a tattoo shop at 11pm. It’s not like Michael has ever planned anything in advance, ever. Get a bunch of random numbers tattooed on him; why not?

He scrambles blindly for his phone. Checks the time: 1:10 in the afternoon. Nice day of sleep, then. Pretty good start to his eighteenth birthday.

He calls Calum.

“Morning,” Calum says when he picks up. “Happy birthday.”

“Hi,” Michael says, and at that exact moment he realizes what the numbers are. “Oh my God, you’re such an arse. Did you seriously make me get your birthday tattooed on me? The night before my birthday?”

“What? No,” Calum says, but he doesn’t sound very certain.

“Well, I wouldn’t have done it on my own,” Michael says. The unspoken I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t asked me to floats away. “I can’t believe you. I mean, I know we were wasted, but…I can’t believe I let you convince me, honestly.”

“I didn’t!” Calum protests. “...I think. Gotta admit, I was…very drunk.”

“Me too,” Michael says mournfully. “Out of childhood with a bang.”

“I think your childhood ended long ago,” Calum says.

“Your mum’s did,” Michael says, nonsensically. “Fuck, my head hurts.”

“I thought you were getting To The Moon,” Calum says.

“I did. It’s here. And underneath it, your birthday. 250196.”

“That’s my birthday,” Calum agrees, as if Michael doesn’t know that. “Well, listen, it sounds to me like a blessing in disguise. Now I'll always be with you.”

“That's the opposite of what I want. I wish you'd leave me alone," Michael says. “I’ll get you back for this. I was already commemorating our friendship with to the moon. Why would I want your birthday on me?"

“'Cause I'm your favorite," Calum says.

Michael doesn’t answer, because it’s true enough. Not that Michael would choose to have anyone’s birthday tattooed on him, but if he had to choose, he’d choose Calum. He’ll always choose Calum.

“So,” Calum says, as if about to ask about the weather. Michael knows Calum’s nervous voice, though, and this is it. “Uh, got anything else new, then?”

Michael bites his lip. “I haven’t checked. Only just woke up.”

“Oh. That’s cool. Let me know if — when you find yours.”

“I’ll call you back,” Michael says, and hangs up. He sits in bed for too long, staring at his palms, thinking about how he doesn’t need any more tattoos. He got To The Moon, and he’s got Calum’s birthday, which, admittedly, is a weird thing for drunk Calum to convince him to get. But fair enough as a prank, he supposes; maybe he’ll make Calum get Michael’s birthday on him, as payback, on Calum’s eighteenth.

Finally, he gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror. The bathroom lights are blinding, achingly bright. The hangover is killing him. He strips down to his underwear and slowly does an inch-by-inch scan of his entire body. Three times.

There’s nothing. The knot that had built itself up in Michael’s stomach unravels, and Michael realizes he hadn’t been nervous that there wouldn’t be a soulmate tattoo; he’d been nervous that there would be.

And there’s not.

He calls Calum back.

“There’s — I don’t have one,” he says.

Calum is quiet. “What do you mean, you don’t have one? Everyone gets one.”

“Well, I haven’t,” Michael says. Hearing Calum’s voice, he can’t stop smiling.

“How is that possible?” Calum says. “Check again.”

“Calum, I checked like nine times. I haven’t got a soulmate tattoo.” He pauses. “I didn’t want one anyway.”

“You didn’t want one?”

Michael shakes his head. “Nope,” he says. “Fuck soulmates. I’ve already got you, haven’t I? It’s not like I need anyone else to cuddle or spend all my time with. They’d probably just be jealous.”

Calum laughs uneasily. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Michael says firmly. “Not everyone has a soulmate tattoo, not like anything's wrong. I don’t need some ink to tell me what’s important. I’ve got everything I need.”

“Wow,” Calum says. “Being eighteen has truly made you wise.”

“It sure has,” Michael says. “Do you wanna get Maccas and play Fifa?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the coffee shop?”

“Ah, Luke’ll cover me,” Michael says. He’ll do it for Luke’s birthday on the condition that Luke does it for his; that’s the agreement.

“In that case, I would love to,” Calum says.

January 25th, 2014

Michael wakes up in Calum’s bed. For one very brief, baffling second, he thinks, did Calum and I have sex?, but no, he’s fully clothed and definitely hasn’t had sex recently. So just good old-fashioned sleeping together, then.

“Morning,” Calum says from the general direction of the doorway. Michael twists himself around and immediately regrets it; his head is pounding.

“Fuck me,” he mumbles.

“You should be so lucky,” Calum says. “Hungover?” Michael nods, squinting. Calum comes over, Tylenol in one hand and a glass of water in the other. “Me too.”

“I fucking love you,” Michael says, and downs the Tylenol and water. “Happy birthday.”

“Yeah, about that,” Calum says, crossing his arms. “I know you said you were going to get me back, but I didn’t think you meant it like this.”

“Like what?”

Calum shakes his head. He’s got the ghost of a smile on his face, but he’s clearly trying very hard to hide it. “Mate, we have to stop drinking so much and blacking out.”

“I dunno,” Michael says. “I kinda like the mystery. It’s like, who was that Michael? What was he thinking? I’ll never know.”

“Mike, you don't even know what you're thinking when you're sober.”

“Hey, shut up. I think at least three things a day.”

“Not including wanking.”

“...I think at least one thing a day.”

“Thought so.” Calum tugs the collar of his t-shirt down, and Michael’s breath catches when he sees Calum’s new tattoo. It says MMXII across his collarbone, in big, blocky Roman numerals.

“Oh, it looks sick,” Michael says.

Calum raises his eyebrows and pulls it down a little further. Michael has to squint, because he’s not wearing his glasses.

“I can’t see that,” he confesses. Calum huffs and comes closer.

201195.

“You got my birthday tattooed on you?” Michael says. Calum stares at him. Michael connects the dots. “Oh my God. I so don’t remember last night at all. That’s incredible. I have nothing but respect for blackout-drunk Michael. He clearly knew what he was doing.”

“You know I’m going to have this forever, right?” Calum says, but despite his best efforts, he doesn’t sound mad, not even a little. “We’re both stuck with each others’ birthdays tattooed on each other forever. Because we’re drunk little shits.”

Michael shrugs. “Could be much worse,” he says. “You could’ve gotten it on your dick.”

Calum snorts.

“And, uh.” Michael swallows. “Nothing else? Apart from the two that you, like, actually went and got?”

Calum watches Michael, and Michael hates how unreadable his expression is. “Nope,” he finally says. “I checked. It’s just those.”

Michael feels badly for feeling so relieved. “I’m sorry,” he lies.

“No, I — I’m actually fine with it,” Calum says. “I mean, it’s like you said, right? Don’t need any new people in my life. I’m pretty happy where I am.”

Michael grins at him. He hadn’t realized how scared he’d been to learn about Calum’s new soulmate until finding out that Calum doesn’t have one. Maybe it’s selfish, but Michael is selfish. He wants Calum all to himself. He doesn’t want a soulmate. He doesn’t want Calum to have one. He just wants it to be MichaelandCalum forever.

“Nice,” he says. He looks up at Calum and his smile grows. “You learned from the wisest. Well, happy birthday. What do you want to do?”

“Sleep off this hangover,” Calum says honestly. Michael spreads his arms across the bed.

“Join me,” he says. Calum rolls his eyes.

“That’s my bed, you loser.”

“So that’s a no?”

Calum climbs into the bed and curls himself into Michael’s side. “Never said that,” he mumbles. “G’night.”

It’s nearly 11am, but they both fall asleep, secure and warm. Michael feels safer than he’s ever felt.

March 8th, 2014

“I just don’t understand how you can be so relaxed about it,” Luke says, absently strumming variations on the A chord.

“It’s literally the simplest thing in the world,” Michael says. “I don’t have a soulmate tattoo. Move on.”

“Yeah, but neither you nor Calum? And you’re not, like, a little bit curious about why not?” Luke presses.

“Leave him alone, Luke,” Ashton says, twirling a drumstick. “He’s obviously soulmates with someone he hates, and he just doesn’t want to say. Probably Ben or Jack.”

Luke gags. Michael reaches for something to throw at Ashton, but all he’s got is a guitar pick, so he throws that. Ashton catches it and starts tapping the snare drum with it.

“I just don’t really care,” Michael says, in response to Luke’s question. “Like. I don’t know. I don’t feel like having anyone else in my life would make it better at this point. I’ve got Cal, and I’ve got you guys — the band — and my family…” He shrugs. It makes undeniable sense to him; he’s happy where he is. If it ain’t broke, right?

Luke sighs. “I could never be like that. I’d be dying to know who my soulmate is.”

“Yeah, because you’re clingy as hell.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

“I’m not clingy!”

“I’ll just ask Calum when he gets here, then,” Luke says.

“Okay, fine. I’m a little clingy, but so are you,” Michael says. “At least I’m not harping on not having a soulmate tattoo. You haven’t even got yours yet and you’re obsessed with it.”

Luke sticks his tongue out. “I’m allowed to be curious,” he says. “Ash, aren’t you curious whose yours is?”

Ashton jolts when Luke addresses him. The pick drops from his hand onto the batter head of the snare. “Um, I dunno. Yeah. But, like, whoever it is, I’ll find them in due course. Might not even have gotten their tattoo yet, so I’m trying to take it easy, not worry.”

Michael casts a strange sideways glance at Ashton, who’s bouncing his leg up and down. Nervous. He looks at Luke, then looks back at Ashton.

“Wonder what yours will be,” Luke says, leaning over his guitar and twisting his fingers. “Like, what matches the moon?”

“The sun?” Ashton offers. “The tide?”

Luke nods like he’s deep in thought. “Sun would be nice,” he mumbles, as if talking to himself.

Michael wishes Calum were here. If Luke isn’t Ashton’s soulmate, he’s quitting the band and the coffee shop and taking Cal with him.

July 23rd, 2014 - 12:16 a.m.

“Hello?”

“Mike.” It’s Luke. He sounds nervous. No, he sounds scared. Michael can deal with nervous Luke while playing Portal, but not scared Luke. He pauses the game. Chats from Calum appear on the screen, but he ignores them for the moment.

“Hey,” he says gently. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Luke says, which is clearly a lie. “I’m just — it’s my eighteenth.”

“Oh, holy shit,” Michael says. Obviously he’d known that, and had remembered up until about two hours ago, when he’d started playing Portal with Calum and all thoughts had exited his mind. “Did you get your tattoo? Do you have one?”

“Yeah,” Luke says. “It’s, uh. It’s the sun.”

“The sun?” Michael repeats. “That’s a bit random.”

“Yeah, but,” Luke says, sounding desperate, “it’s the sun right on my forearm — looks exactly like —”

Oh. Michael knows. “Oh,” he says softly. “Holy fuck.”

“It can’t be him, right?” Luke says. “Like. There’s no way. The odds…”

“Well, that’s sort of the point of soulmates, isn’t it?” Michael points out. “Like, yeah, in a normal situation it would be a crazy coincidence, but soulmates aren’t supposed to be normal situations.”

Luke is silent for a long time.

“Luke?” Michael prompts after the quiet gets unbearable. “Do you want it to be him?”

“Yes,” Luke says, in the smallest voice ever. “So badly.”

Michael can’t help it; his heart skips a beat, and it’s not even his own love story. “Well, if you want it to be Ash and you’ve already got the sun where he’s got the moon, that sure does sound like it’s him.”

Luke exhales so hard it crackles on the phone. “No way.”

“If it helps,” Michael says, “I’m pretty sure Ashton’s been hoping you’re his soulmate since he met you.”

“You’re just saying that,” Luke says, but Michael’s not; he’s not blind. He can see the way Ashton looks at Luke like he’s a fucking planet, and Ashton’s content to just orbit. He’s heard some of the stuff Ashton writes and never presents to the band as a whole. If Michael had a nickel for every time Ashton mentioned blond hair and blue eyes in his lyrics, he’d have enough money to kick Ashton from the band and hire a better drummer who wasn’t constantly pining after their lead singer. He’d have enough money to quit the coffee shop and take Calum from the record shop and skip town completely.

“Call him,” Michael advises. “And leave me alone so I can finish playing Portal with Calum.”

“You could’ve done that while talking to me,” Luke says.

“And yet I paused it, just to take your call, because I’m just that nice and lovable,” Michael says. “Now fuck off.”

“Not so nice and lovable now,” Luke mutters.

Michael hangs up on him and unpauses the game.

January, 2015

Michael hasn’t done the research.

He doesn’t care. Or he does his level best pretending he doesn’t care. For a little while between his eighteenth birthday and Calum’s, he’d mostly been lying when he’d told people he didn’t care, but as soon as Calum had turned eighteen with no soulmate tattoo in sight, Michael had realized he actually doesn’t care.

And he doesn’t want to know what it means, not to have a soulmate tattoo. If Michael has to pioneer the movement of normalizing being tattoo-free, then so be it. He and Calum will be the frontmen. Besides, it’s not like anyone needs to know. It’s not like anyone should care.

Some people do care, though. Some people are invasive coffee shop customers who think they have the right to ask after Michael’s soulmate tattoo like it’s the sort of casual conversation you instigate while ordering a vanilla latte. Some people are wrong.

“Oh, I like your tattoo,” is what this woman says. She looks to be middle-aged, or maybe mid-sixties, and she’s talking about To The Moon, Michael reckons. Then the lady says: “Is it your soulmate one?”

Michael bites back a rude comment. “No,” he says.

“What’s your soulmate one look like?” the lady asks. Like she would have any right to know if Michael had one. Michael hates his day job.

He glances over at Luke, who’s halfway through making the latte, and grimaces, a desperate plea to be rescued from this conversation. He should have just lied and said To The Moon was his soulmate tattoo. But he’s sick of talking about it at all. And who’s this lady anyway, thinking she can just march in here, order a coffee, and then ask Michael about his soulmate tattoo like they’re acquainted?

Luke steps over. “Hi, ma’am, sorry, Mike’s much better with vanilla lattes than I am, you’ll want him on that,” he says. That’s a straight lie, but Michael gratefully slides away and goes to finish the latte. “Was there something else we can get for you?”

“Oh, I just wondered about your soulmate tattoos,” the woman says. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen people who have them so fresh, and — oh, I don’t know. I wondered.”

“Well, I can tell you I’ve got mine,” Luke says, and proudly displays the sun tattoo on his forearm. “My soulmate and I are together going on six months.”

“How lovely!” the lady squeals. “The sun, that’s beautiful. What does she have?”

“He,” Luke corrects uncomfortably, “has the moon.”

Michael tunes them out and finishes the latte. He puts less vanilla than he should, but the woman deserves something a little more bitter. Maybe it’ll wake her from whatever dreamland she’s in where nosy questions about personal topics are considered fair game.

At least Calum lets him complain. Michael’s been bitching about the old lady for about twenty minutes, but Calum, ever the patient and loyal best friend, has let him carry on.

“I just don’t get why everyone is so obsessed with knowing,” Michael finishes, and sighs deeply, feeling the weight lift from his chest. “God, I’m tired.”

“You just talked for nearly half an hour,” Calum points out.

“And I could go longer!” Michael says. “I’m irritated, Cal. Maybe I’ll ask the manager to blacklist her from the store.”

“Complaining will get you nowhere,” Calum reminds him. “And it sounds like she wasn’t trying to be invasive. Old people are just like that.”

“But she was,” Michael whines. He falls finally onto the couch, where Calum has sat watching him pace since he got home, and cuddles into Calum’s side. “See if I make her coffee again. I’ll throw a diva fit.”

“You do that every day, anyway. You threw a diva fit when I asked if your shampoo was two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.”

“Because who uses two-in-one, Cal? Animals, that’s who.”

“See? Diva.”

“Well, if she comes back, I’ll just bitch at her about shampoo and conditioner until she gives up and goes someplace else.”

“Just pretend you’ve become violently ill,” Calum suggests. “Or that you’ve gotten a very urgent call.”

“I’m awful at pretending I have calls,” Michael says. Calum starts carding through Michael’s hair. Michael knows it’s a trick to calm him down, and he hates that it’s working. Calum’s gentle, methodical gestures are soothing.

“Then just text me, and I’ll ring you, and I’ll make up a horrible emergency,” Calum says.

Michael sighs. “That’s why you’re my favorite, Cal.”

Calum brings his free hand up to pat Michael’s cheek. His hand is warm and soft and the touch feels familiar. “No problem. It’s what I’m here for.”

“To get me out of talking to annoying customers?”

Calum leans his head on Michael’s and presses a light kiss to his head. “Yup.”

“Can’t wait for our band to be famous so I can quit,” Michael mumbles. Calum laughs.

Michael closes his eyes. Calum is safe and comfortable, and it’s been a long day. He falls asleep, breathing in sync with the rise and fall of Calum’s chest.

four years and three albums later

It’s been a surprisingly long time since Michael’s been back down this street, since he’s seen this strip mall. Touring practically non-stop will do that to a person. Almost every shop he remembers being here has been replaced. Michael wishes Calum were here to do this walk with him, but Calum is a little bitch who’s been dragged into the studio for writing. Michael’s weaseled his way out of it. He loves to write, but he can do it outside of a studio, and he’s really not in the mood, today.

He wanders down the strip mall, listening to Good Charlotte to truly get himself back in his old emo mindset. Almost this entire strip mall is unfamiliar to him, except one store. Michael stops in front of it, scoffs, laughs, and walks in, tugging his headphones off his head.

The guy at the counter seems to recognize him. “Hey, it’s you!” he says enthusiastically, with a heavy Irish accent.

Michael grins, confused. “Me,” he says, as if that will clear anything up.

“Oh, sorry,” the tattoo artist says. “I just — I did your tattoo back in, what was it, 2014? And your mate’s as well.”

“Calum?” Michael asks. The guy snaps his fingers.

“That’s him. I keep seeing you guys on the TV now,” the guy says. Michael feels badly for not knowing his name. “Seems like you’ve made quite a name for yourself, eh? I always want to brag, you know, ‘I did his first tattoo.’ But I don’t name-drop. Feels cheap.”

“You can name-drop,” Michael says, thrilled that his name is even the kind of name anyone could name-drop. “I’m surprised you remember us coming here, that was a while ago. I’m really sorry, I don’t think I got your name…?”

The guy laughs. “Makes sense, you were pissed off your arses both times. I’m Niall.”

“Michael,” Michael says. “Although I reckon you know that.”

Niall nods. “I’m not likely to forget the times you came in anytime soon,” he adds. “First time I ever saw soulmate tattoos appear while I was in the middle of giving someone a tattoo.”

Michael’s heart stops.

“What?” he says, dimly.

Niall, unaware that he’s just said something groundbreaking and totally insane, carries on. “Oh, you know, the numbers. Birthdays, I think you said they were. You got his and he got yours, right? They just showed up, smack at midnight. Both times. Never seen it happen before.”

Michael can’t breathe.

“I,” he says, but fails to find words enough to finish that sentence.

“How’s the one I gave you holding up?” Niall continues. “I could take a look, if you like.”

“No,” Michael says. He feels dizzy. “Sorry, I…I actually have to run, I forgot — I’ve got to…” He shakes his head. “The birthday tattoo I have, I…I thought that came from here. I thought you did that.”

Niall frowns. “No, mate. That one just appeared. For your pal, as well. I was in the middle of doing the numerals when your birthday just, bam. Threw me for a loop.”

Michael trips backwards and steadies himself. “Okay,” he says, although he feels like he’s suffocating. “Well, um, I better run to my thing that I have — see you. Thanks.”

He all but races out of the tattoo parlor and doesn’t stop until he’s away from the strip mall. Then he leans against a stop sign.

Okay. This isn’t possible. It’s been — it’s been, what, three? Four years? Michael’s never had a soulmate. He’s okay with that. He’s never wanted one. He’s always been just fine, just him and Calum, and neither of them having —

Michael blinks and thinks about what Niall has said.

“Holy fuck,” he murmurs. He yanks his sleeve up and looks at his tattoo of Calum’s birthday again. “Holy shit.”

He pushes himself to his feet and starts purposefully making his way to his parents’ house, shooting off a text as he does:

michael: come to mine after studio. wanna talk to you

Calum has a key, so he lets himself in.

“Hey, Mikey,” he says. “What’s up?”

Michael has been playing guitar for the past two hours, or trying to, but his hands are still shaking too much. He sets it aside when Calum comes in.

“How was the studio?” Michael asks nonchalantly, like this is a normal day, and everything is fine.

Calum frowns. “You’re acting weird. You only texted me once. What’s going on?”

“Texting you once isn’t weird,” Michael says.

“Michael, have you met you? I’ve received one-word answers from you in more than one text.” Calum crosses his arms. “Why are you being weird?”

“We’re soulmates,” Michael blurts out.

Calum raises his eyebrows. “That’s impossible, given neither of us have soulmate tattoos, Mike.”

“Really? How’d you get my birthday on you, then?” Michael challenges.

“From when we got drunk on my eighteenth, you idiot, same as how you got mine on you.”

“Yeah? Cal, do you actually remember getting that tattoo? Hell, did we pay for these ones?” He stands up finally and shifts on his feet. “You asked to get 2012. Do you remember that?”

“Obviously, yes.”

“And do you remember asking to get my birthday?”

Calum stares at him. “No,” he finally says.

“I think we’ve been colossally idiotic,” Michael says. “I never asked to get your birthday tattooed on me. We were just too drunk to remember.”

“Oh my God,” Calum says. “Holy shit.” And then he laughs, like it’s funny.

“Don’t laugh,” Michael says. “This isn’t funny, it’s absolutely mad.”

“Yes,” Calum agrees, still smiling. “Absolutely fucking insane. We are the dumbest people on the entire planet. I’m in love with you, Michael.”

Michael’s heart stops beating. “What?”

“I’m not sure I knew,” Calum says. “But I definitely am. I — it’s only you for me. You’re it. I didn’t want any other soulmate.”

“Me neither,” Michael breathes. “You’re it for me.” His face feels hot. “Oh, holy shit. I’m in love with you.”

“Welcome to the party,” Calum says.

Michael’s run out of things to say, so he kisses Calum.

It doesn’t feel like the huge revelation Michael might have expected. It just feels…right. In fact, it feels obvious. Like for years he’s been working to solve a math problem, and now he’s finally realized it’d been exactly what he’d thought. It’s Calum. Of course it’s Calum. Who else could it have been? Who else could it ever possibly be? Everything he’s ever felt about Calum has been love, even when it had been anger or hurt or confusion. He loves Calum, is in love with Calum, and always has been.

Calum doesn’t hesitate to kiss Michael back, cupping Michael’s jaw as if anchoring him to the kiss. He tilts his head, fixing the angle, and they fit so perfectly that Michael wonders why they’ve never thought to do this before. He tugs on the front of Calum’s t-shirt, pulling him closer, and wraps his arms around Calum’s waist, and it feels so natural, and so easy, to just kiss Calum like it’s what he was made to do. Calum licks at Michael’s lower lip and Michael’s intoxicated by the way it feels, Calum’s tongue in his mouth, Calum’s hands threaded in his hair, Calum under his palms, Calum, Calum, Calum. He makes a noise that’s half-groan and half-sigh, and feels Calum smiling against his lips. He pulls away. Michael feels dizzy.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “I really like kissing you.”

“Good, ‘cause there’s going to be a lot more of it,” Calum says.

Michael leans his forehead against Calum’s. “You taste of Vegemite.”

“There were snacks at the studio,” Calum says.

“Did you save me any?”

“Any Vegemite chocolate scrolls?” Calum leans back and raises his eyebrows. “Dream on.”

“That’s rude,” Michael complains. “I’m not sure I’m in love with you anymore. We should break up.”

“We’re not even really dating,” Calum says.

Michael blanches. “Oh. Right. Cal, d’you wanna be my boyfriend?”

“Not if you’re just going to break up with me straight away.” He sticks his tongue out. Michael wants to kiss him again, but he’s still recovering from the first.

“To be honest,” Michael says, “our tattoos are pretty shit compared to Luke and Ashton. They get the sun and the moon, and we just get a bunch of numbers? Birthdays? How uncreative do you get?”

“You’re going to challenge the ineffable power of soulmate tattoos because you think ours aren’t creative?”

“I’m just saying, it might have been nice to get something a little cooler or more symbolic.”

“I don’t know,” Calum says. “I like having your birthday. It makes me feel like you’ve been important to me since birth. And like I’ve always got a piece of you with me. The sun could be anyone, but this day is yours.”

“And Joe Biden’s,” Michael says.

“God, you ruin every moment, don’t you?”

“I share a birthday with Joe Biden!” Calum glares at him. “Okay, yes, that was really cheesy and adorable,” Michael concedes. “I like your birthday on me, as well. For the same reason.”

Calum grins. “For real, Mikey. Can we, like. Do this?” He gestures between the two of them, as if whatever this is will become automatically clear. Michael’s not sure what it is, or what it even should be. They’re best friends turned soulmates turned…what? “Be boyfriends and all?”

Oh. Well. That’s simple enough. “Yeah,” Michael says. “I’m not marrying you until I get a prenup, though. Gotta have that money.”

“God, can I break up with you yet?” Calum mutters.

“Nope, there’s a five minute wait time, and I just broke up with you like one minute ago.”

“We weren’t dating when you broke up with me then, though.”

“Well, I still did it, so you have to wait.”

“Fine,” Calum says. “I have an idea for what we can do in the meantime.”

It’s a pretty good idea, Michael decides when Calum kisses him for the second time. “Could kiss you forever,” he mumbles against Calum’s lips.

“Not if I break up with you,” Calum says. Michael pulls away, appalled.

“Oh my God, now you ruined the moment! You’re such a hypocrite!”

Calum doesn’t stop laughing for awhile, but it’s fine. Calum’s laugh is Michael’s favorite sound.

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pinacoladamatata · 4 years

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you ever update a fic and then hide?

#like i refresh my email and haunt my browsers refresh button #the validation #i crave that mineral #anyway also thinking abt uploading dragon age fic just because #i wrote like a whole ass fic over the years for origins and never posted it #i just love them okay

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wahbegan · 5 years

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Girl from the show invites me to hang out tonight

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“I’m sure you know, but I do have a boyfriend so don’t worry I’m not like coming onto you lol”

Yeah yeah all right all right I DID know that no need to remind me how single I am

#i crave that validation mineral #i got a friend tho hey-o #i mean i know i can't actually be mad because inviting a single guy over is like always interpreted as LETS BANG unless you say otherwise #but i'm not like most boys uwu i have a personality #kinda

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bunjywunjy · 3 years

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Hi Bunjy! Why are mountain goats Like That? I see them hanging out on what is basically a vertical cliff wall and like, I would understand if there were tasty plants or something up there but most often it seems to be bare rock? What is the advantage of being able to scale basically vertical rock walls?

mountain goats have specced into a climbing ability that lets them cling to sheer rock walls for several important and valid reasons that shockingly DON’T include getting food or appearing on human motivational wall posters!

the first and most important reasons for taking up mountaineering are a) to stay out of reach of predators (when’s the last time you saw a wolf scale a vertical surface? that’s right, never.)

and b) to be fully mobile in a terrain that IS mostly vertical!

if you’ve ever tried to cross the mountains in Skyrim, you know how valuable this one is. mountain goats can pretty much go where they please, even if there are sheer cliffs and howling mountain winds between them and the next lush valley. (too bad they don’t work very well as mounts, though)

and the other important reason is that this gecko-like ability to scale sheer rock walls lets mountain goats easily find and access natural rock salt deposits!

most ungulates, mountain goats included, don’t actually get enough salt in their diet, so they have to search out natural deposits of it and slurp it up. (this is why salt licks attract deer! they NEED that stuff.)

that’s right, mountain goats climb in part because

THEY CRAVE THAT MINERAL.

#cursed biology #miri-tiazan

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daughterofanarcissistwoman · 3 years

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Trauma Bonding

(The writer here refers to an ex but this applies to familial relationships as well.)

You may feel pretty crazy over there in your trauma bonded trance for someone who mistreated you, but know there are people actually eating dirt out there and making more sense than some of the well-meaning advice I heard while I was getting over various forms of heartbreak.

We are told to stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, focus on yourself, and that time heals all wounds. When in fact, the symptoms of a traumatic reaction to a trauma bond make these very things feel nearly impossible.

What’s more, when taken in the context of trauma bonding, prolonged grief over the loss of a relationship is far from irrational, even when that relationship was a toxic one. If you feel more stunned and immobilized as time wears on, this is the reaction of your organism actually working to protect you from a perceived, ongoing threat.

You are not “crazy”.

Your body’s physiological state is just trying to communicate with you in a way that you may not quite understand yet.

There are people all over the world who experience cravings for dirt or clay. This is called geophagy and clearly sounds so insane that people feel ashamed to admit their cravings. Yet research has found that these cravings may indicate a lack in bodily mineral content or may function as the body’s protective response to pathogens in pregnant women or children. The content of dirt or clay may serve as a protective barrier in the stomach.

What may FEEL mentally and physiologically irrational, actually makes sense. This does not mean that anemic people should make themselves a nice dirt snack with their coffee this afternoon. It does mean that feeling estranged, ashamed, and ignoring the REALITY of the craving, without looking further into what it indicates, will never resolve their organism’s unmet need.

What is trauma bonding?

I only started to understand trauma bonding when I stopped feeling ashamed and started trusting my body’s own physiological messengers.

Breaking a trauma bond can feel agonizing. What’s the point of trying to accept the reality of a toxic relationship, go no contact, and try to move on with your life when you only feel worse as time wears on?

Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.

This is going to sound counterintuitive at first, but these very symptoms are confirmation that staying away from the toxic relationship is absolutely imperative to your health. This is because trauma resides as a physiological response to a perceived threat. Your organism knows and reacts, at the core, gut, and instinctual level, when a person or situation is harmful.

And while you may be fully consciously aware NOW that you are no longer in the relationship, your body is still registering an ongoing threat. This is manifesting in symptoms that certainly make you feel like you are going “crazy” — or maybe even make you feel as if you were never meant to stay away in the first place.

But all this DOES NOT mean that your body is trying to indicate to you that you are forever cosmically tied to that dirtbag who mistreated you, used you, and broke your heart. It means that the trauma that may have occurred before the relationship, during the relationship, and when the relationship ended, continues to live inside of you. It continues to live as a memory and echo that has no orientation to time and place.

You are feeling this way because, physiologically, you still don’t feel safe.

You will NOT be the person who longs for the person who mistreated you forever. But it’s going to be hard to get there if your strategy is to grit your teeth, brace yourself, and steel even more energy in trying to fight your body’s frantic physiological responses to the trauma in the trauma bond, through sheer will, when you are already frozen in emergency mode.

Stay with me. I’ll explain.

We look into trauma bonding as a way to explain, romanticize, and decode the characteristics of a relationship that feels or once felt so precious.

Here’s the gut-punch that usually gets lost —when you’re in a trauma bond, and the bond “breaks,” the trauma remains.

If you’re a cookie in an Oreo and the other cookie leaves, guess who is stuck with what seems like even more trauma filling than you started with?

This “trauma filling” can help to explain why your mind, body, and soul are registering a frenetic, obsessive, red level, emergency breaker craving for a toxic ex, toxic relationship, or situation.

The Trauma Bond

The reason for this hyper-aroused-anxiety-trance lies in some part to the nature of trauma bonding itself. Trauma bonds are formed when your organism registers that you are in danger.

According to “The Betrayal Bond,” a book written by Patrick Carnes, who developed this concept, “trauma bonds are the dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. Trauma bonds occur when we are bonding to the very person who is the source of danger, fear, and exploitation.” They involve seduction, betrayal, and high intensity.

They also involve a seemingly endless sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Carnes wrote, “This type of bonding does not facilitate recovery and resilience but rather undermines those very qualities within us.”

Throughout the relationship, your organism assessed the threat and continuously mobilized energy for you to fight or flee. Yet the trauma in trauma bonding creates a cyclical, repetitive cycle that contains your ability to protect yourself, trust yourself, feel your body’s physiological reactions or evolve out of your current state, even when your partner is gone.

Instead of fighting or fleeing, you remain frozen and clinging with an “insane level of loyalty, to an impossible, unresolvable, toxic, overwhelming, or cosmically doomed bond.” A person chained to this type of bond “disbelieves the obvious and accepts the impossible.”

The following are some signs of trauma bonding, which I’ve adapted from Carnes:

• When you continue to be fixated on people who hurt you and who are no longer in your life.

• When you crave contact with someone who has hurt you and who you know will cause you more pain.

• When you continue to revolve around people who you know are taking advantage of you or exploiting you.

• When you are committed to remaining loyal to someone who has betrayed you, even though their actions indicate few signs of change.

• When you are desperate to be understood, validated, or needed by those who have indicated they do not care about you.

• When you go to great lengths to continue to help, caretake, or consider people who have been destructive to you.

These types of relationships capitalize on old wounds and previous traumas.

As a bigger and separate topic, there are a lot of reasons for why we may be vulnerable to trauma bonding, to begin with, including a deep desire to heal a prior hurt. We do this by subconsciously recreating the prior situation, down to the very exploitative, dangerous, or shameful elements that existed in the prior trauma. Down to the type of toxic, emotionally unavailable, or developmentally stunted person in the prior situation.

The reasons why we get into these types of bonds, the reasons we stay, and the reasons why we can’t let them go are interrelated, and at least one thing remains the same: our body stores these memories physiologically, without a time or date stamp. The memories can make us feel like we are in an endless cycle of trauma and pain, with or without the relationship.

The Trauma

Trauma is a big concept, that lives on much developing academic ground. I’m no expert, and what I’m saying is informed by the work of trauma researchers Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, and Patrick Carnes, but this is simply my interpretation.

Viewing your seemingly irrational reactions to heartbreak through a trauma-informed lens will reduce some part of the shame that comes with continuing to live in a body that is suspended in a hyper-aroused and frenetic state long after we are told that we should be over a relationship or situation.

There are different kinds of trauma. Some are the types of trauma we are typically aware of —responses to natural disasters, war, abuse, genocide, and other atrocities. We associate those traumas with the development of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which has helped to explain how victims survive in dire circumstances, including why the victims end up turning against themselves and becoming loyal to the abuser, as in the case of Stockholm Syndrome.

Understanding trauma begins when you remove judgment from the equation about the degree of atrocity that must exist in order to define trauma as trauma. There are other aspects of trauma, such as those that involve the body’s response to betrayal, childhood experiences, and interpersonal relationship trauma. A traumatic reaction is a completely subjective thing. There are more possible situations/origins of trauma than there are people.

Trauma lives inside the body as a physiological state. It will be easier to become aware of the manifestation of this state and to give it credibility if you realize that trauma can occur in the absence of abusers, victimizers, and overtly dire situations. You can have a traumatic reaction to anything or anyone that your body perceives as a threat, including a break in attachment with even the most well-meaning, non-intentionally insidious, but emotionally empty people.

Peter Levine has defined trauma as “Any experience which stuns us like a bolt out of the blue; it overwhelms us, leaving us altered and disconnected from our bodies.” It is difficult to access coping mechanisms while in this overwhelmed state. This reaction can become more intense when the relational trauma occurs for long periods of time, with intermittent reinforcement, and when it is layered on top of relational trauma that occurred in childhood.

The stunned shock of anything that your body perceives as a threat, including a betrayal or a breakup, can live inside of us as a physiological state, even when we are not in present danger — when we are out of the breakup, moved out, and presumably moved on. Our bodies are engaged in a survival response even when out of the danger — which manifests itself as a freeze state that makes all the negative emotions you felt while in the relationship freeze within you as well.

What is this? Why does this happen?

The Freeze State.

It happens as a result of a completely natural human reaction to a potentially threatening situation. Peter Levine has explained how trauma develops in his book, “Waking the Tiger.” When faced with perceived danger or challenge, we become energetically aroused, mobilized, and poised to pounce, respond, and defend. This is the reason why weaklings are able to lift cars in order to rescue children. Our bodies were built to generate tremendous energy and appropriately constrict it so that it can be released. So we can fight or flee from threats for our very survival. When the energy is released, there is a tremendous sense of relief and somatic calm. There is no trauma. The situation makes sense to us because we witnessed our bodies working with us to resolve a threat.

So what happens to this tremendous, do-or-die energy isn’t released? When we feel we cannot fight or flee, as in the case of a trauma bond, there isn’t a discharge of this energy.

Instead, we hard stop freeze. Unlike other animals, our more highly evolved neocortex prevents an instinctual response of releasing this energy anyway, when the freeze state ends. Without the release, our body constricts this incredible bundle of energy and contains it in our nervous system. We are suspended in a highly mobilized emergency alert state, hypervigilant, and brimming with energy that our body now has to shift around, negotiate, and safety-valve slowly expel through adaptations that make us feel like we are experiencing an anxiety reaction. This too, is our body working for us, to prevent a nervous system meltdown.

This is trauma.

An example of this is when you brace yourself during the impact of a car accident and later find yourself completely motionless, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, adrenaline coursing through you, heart rate is racing, breathing heavily, with almost no memory of the event.

Why won’t our “smarter” brain allow us to discharge this energy during the freeze state? Again, your body is trying its best to protect you. When that tremendous force of arousal energy is first triggered, it makes us feel up to the task, positive, and intensely alive. When the release is thwarted and is instead subsumed inwardly, we associate the energy with intensely negative emotions.

All those feelings and all the energy that you might have expelled during the relationship in a fight or flight response — all the anger, the shame, and the fear — now reside within you and may feel like are directed TOWARD you.

Our “smarter” brain attempts to protect us by negotiating these emotions within our circuitry because it believes that this work will protect us from experience sheer terror of the release. We fear releasing them because the energy itself is so strongly associated with danger, betrayal, and fear. You are now the home of negative energy that was never meant to be yours.

What does this have to do with your inability to let go of a toxic relationship?

Why does all of this slow you down when it comes to commonplace advice like “stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, and focus on yourself?”

Breaking trauma bonds.

The reason it feels like you can’t “break” a traumatic bond is because you are still suffering from your body’s adaptations to all of this chaotic, negative energy that is now stored inside. These very adaptations cause you to constantly review what happened, to fixate, to refrain from feeling fear and grief, and to obsess about the relationship.

• Anxiety.

The nervous system experiences trauma as a body feeling. In other words, your hyper-alert state lives on as symptoms that can be perceived as anxiety: increased heart rate, tension, agitation, flashbacks, shudders, muscle soreness, and racing thoughts.

All of this anxiety can feel unfair. We know it’s normal to feel grief over the loss of a relationship, but the hope is that we will feel some sense of relief once we get the courage to let go of someone we loved, but who we know is toxic, narcissistic, or emotionally unavailable. Hang on. Your body is communicating to you that internally, you still feel as if you are in danger. Because this anxiety state is so closely associated with the trauma bond, this may feel like a craving for your ex and the trauma bond, when it is in fact, a frantic message to stay away.

• Helplessness.

When exposed to personal trauma, the part of the brain that processes information, puts things into context, and communicates to you in narrative form shuts down. You are suspended in emergency activation mode, but without an ability to cope with the stress.

This is why no contact is so important. When exposed to anything that reminds you of your former partner, your nervous system triggers energy to communicate the presence of a threat but prevents you from consciously putting that threat into the context of what is occurring here and now.

In this state, it can feel hard to learn new things or assimilate information.

This is why it can feel like such a gut punch to see your ex or hear about his or her life, even after time has passed and you are sure “you got this.” It can leave you feeling helpless and hopeless.

Trauma bonds don’t “heal with time” because trauma doesn’t have a sense of time. Don’t expect to never feel triggered. Feeling triggered does not mean that you are “back to square one” when it comes to processing. It means that you are experiencing traumatic anxiety, which once again makes you feel like you are frozen and immobilized. This can lead you to feel depressed even though the current stressor is no longer around. Don’t lose hope. Even the smallest bit of awareness of what is actually occurring will help you to unfreeze out of this state, and this will get more automatic and manageable the more you increase this awareness.

• Flashbacks.

Because you are not able to put your physiological distress into a time and place context, you are not able to consciously recognize that the traumatic event happened in the past. This causes confusion between past trauma and current stressors. Your body, behind the scenes, may be experiencing today’s stressful day as a flashback to the past, as if the trauma has returned.

Life goes on after a trauma bond. Other people and situations will stress you out and trigger anxious feelings that you will subconsciously associate with the trauma bond. This is why stressful days and subsequent disappointments make you feel like you are missing the trauma bond more intensely.

Trauma is like a trance. It makes you less aware of your current state, your bodily sensations, and your feelings. When you start to feel more safe, grounded, and present, you will slowly become more aware of when these flashbacks occur. You will feel less entranced and more able to untangle your prior distress from what is currently happening in your life.

• Trauma repetition review.

After an animal goes into fight, flight, or freeze and releases all the energy its nervous system conjured to get out of a dangerous situation, the animal goes into a review state. The point of this is to figure out what happened and to learn from the experience. Trauma bonded humans also go into this state, except the review occurs in a highly aroused and anxious state, because the energy from the experience has not been released.

This is why it is so difficult to stop fixating on what occurred, why you are experiencing obsessive thoughts, replaying old scripts, and why you feel abandoned and rejected long after a traumatic break has occurred. You are processing the trauma bond while you are still in a stressed and hyperaroused state.

This is why talking about trauma, rehashing the situation with your friends, and recycling anger doesn’t make you feel better and only further retraumatizes you. It may feel like you lost something important because you can’t let go of compulsively thinking about the trauma bond. This repetitive rehashing is healthy and normal, but only when conducted when you are out of an anxiety state and feeling grounded, safe, and present.

The antidote to compulsive rehashing is to remember that trauma lives inside the body, as a physiological state. Once activated, it shuts down your ability to process information. There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure out what happened, but know that doing so in this triggered state may make you feel like you need to return to the trauma bond.

• Hypervigilance.

Hypervigilance is the inevitable result of all of this hyperarousal. In trying to make sense of how you are feeling, your body actively searches for the source of the threat, even when one cannot be found. This drive can feel like a fixation to scan for the source, even though what you may just be reacting to is your own internal arousal. This gets repetitive and compulsive.

Your body remembers the trauma bond. It remembers how it felt and who was around. Even out of the relationship, a trauma bonded person may still feel threatened by a memory of the past when dealing with a current stressor. Your brain scans for a source of the threat. Your brain lands on the emotionally charged memory and image of someone associated with the trauma bond. You may feel plagued by images of your ex-partner, but this is only because your body remembers this person as a source of threat, not because you need to run back to this person.

All of these symptoms occur because your nervous system is suspended in a hyper-aroused state, searching for new danger, and attempting to protect you.

The key to releasing the trauma bond is to remind yourself, carefully, with compassion, and with consistency that you are no longer in danger and that you are now safe.

– This, first and foremost, has to be true. If you are still in any way involved in a trauma bond, then you are not safe. It may feel like you’ve hacked it and you are over it and you are ready for contact or another round, but your physiological systems will likely tell you otherwise.

– When you start to feel triggered, remind yourself of where you are in time and space. You may be experiencing a physiological memory of the past that makes you feel as if you are re-experiencing the trauma. Trauma robs you of your ability to stay in the present. It drops you in a trance and prevents you from recognizing what you are feeling — both emotionally and physiologically. There are many ways of grounding, including yoga, breath work, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, among so many others. Once you get committed to healing, you will seek and find endless sources of information and relief in these. The key is to begin. Yoga will not release your trauma bond. Going for a hike will not make flashbacks and obsessive thoughts go away. These things may, however, bring you more awareness to your sensations and feelings, which will help you stay in the present when you feel yourself becoming taken over in a trauma bonded trance.

– Become emotionally available to yourself. The way to release a trauma bond is to very slowly and compassionately separate the amount of fear, that you may not even know you feel, about your negative emotions from the negative emotions themselves. These negative emotions are stored inside of you because your body internalized them, instead of using the energy of these emotions to flee or fight. They are not yours. These emotions are not your anger or your shame. You are safe now. You no longer need them. But you need a really safe base in yourself, your enviornment, and others in order to slowly release these. Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy to let go.

– A symptom of being trauma bonded is an intense desire to inform the person who hurt you about your healing. Don’t do that. It will only entrench you further. Your stored negative energy is not your own, but it’s not your ex’s either. It may feel like you have to “place” it somewhere, but this will not get rid of it, and you will only re-traumatize yourself. You can’t put it somewhere else. You can replace it with the knowledge this energy is no longer necessary to protect you, because you are safe now.

Trauma-bonded people are usually the foremost experts on their exes. In order to survive, they can discern mood changes from small facial movements, sideways grunts, or the way a person is standing. Start becoming this aware of yourself.

Start noticing what triggers you, when you are feeling hyper-vigilant, when you are reviewing or processing the relationship in a stressed out state. Start noticing when your flashbacks occur. You may find that they are actually occurring in response to current life stressors.

In becoming aware of this, you may find that there are other toxic people and situations in your current life that you can let go of in order to feel more safe. When other toxic bonds fall away, you may feel more ready to be yourself. When you feel more ready to be yourself, you may become even less ashamed and more emotionally aware. You can start to recognize which thoughts and emotions aren’t yours.

When you separate these, you will feel even more safe. Becoming more self-aware is work with a huge payoff, and you’re already so good doing it with everyone but yourself.

When you separate the past from the present, you will start to have more fun in the present. You will solve the present problems better. You will start to feel more like yourself again. You are safe now, and soon…

You will be free.

This post was written by Natasha Adamo team member, Irena.

https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/

#trauma bond #stockholm syndrome #cptsd #childhood trauma #developmental trauma #inner child healing #reparenting #attachment trauma #self care #mental health #emotional health #abuse #narcissistic abuse #toxic people #dysfunctional family #shame programming #self compassion

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rotten-angel-bonez · 3 years

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Harm reduction for people with BED

I have struggled and am still struggling with a kind of binge eating disorder (mixed with that spicy spicy anorexia) and on tumblr I always see harm reduction for people with EDs being focused on restrictive eating disorders. And while that's nice and all it never helped me with the binging side of my ED.

SO, I did some research and will now provide you with professional tips and personal experience on how to not fucking die from your BED because you fucking can.

Okay, now, what even is a binge ?

[binj] 1. a period of uncontrolled or excessive self-indulgent activity

Important keywords uncontrolled and excessive

Meaning, us people with BED can't exactly control our binge urges and we don't simply stop when we're full. This is quite important because people will sometimes mislabel overeating as a binge and that can be pretty harmful as overeating is rather linked to self control and portrays binges as something everyone should be able to control.

However, there are some things you can do to prevent frequent binge urges. While these may work for some people, they won't for others and that's super duper okay and you're still 1000% valid.

Preventive measures:

- making sure you're hydrated

- regularly taking vitamins (and other mineral supplements if necessary)

- having a balanced diet (aka eating frequently and getting all the nutrients you need, his includes unhealthy snacks too)

- getting enough protein!!

- knowing and trying to avoid triggers (trigger foods, situations etc.)

As I said, these won't always work but they can help.

If you aren't able to basically prevent a binge, you can still make sure you're being safe when you binge.

These "tips" are about reducing the calorie intake during a binge (note: there is not calorie limit that qualifies something as a binge, the thing that's important is HOW these things are consumed -> without control/excessively), improving your overall wellbeing after the binge and reducing guilt.

How to make a binge safer:

(Some of these may be quite obvious but I think they're still important to mention)

- binge on fruit and/or vegetables -> less guilt because healthy; you may feel satisfied faster; your body generally feels better the days after bc vitamins and water in those

- drink something in between foods/bites/during the binge -> uncomfortable fulness feeling that drives you to stop sets in faster but also goes away faster; hydration; helps with digestion

- eat high volume foods (salad etc; foods that are high in volume but low in calories) -> earlier fulness; feeling satisfied earlier

- take small breaks in between foods -> forcing yourself to stop for a few minutes (while telling yourself you're allowed to continue eating after that) may help you "get a grip" of your urges and stop completely (this might not work for everyone)

- try to eat foods that are low carb (may be really difficult bc I know that pasta/bread/pizza craving is one hell of a bitch) -> you will be less bloated the next day (which may be easier to handle mentally)

- decide to binge on something that you have to prepare first -> test your binge's "dedication" and maybe it's either too much work or while you're preparing the food, the urge disappears or flares down

- eat ice -> idk how to explain this but sometimes just the sensation of chewing on something (gum might work too for some people, doesn't for me) helps me and makes the urge to binge go away

The binge happened, what now?

Later that day or the following days, you might feel like shit, physically and mentally.

So how do you work through that feeling?

How to feel better physically after a binge:

- make yourself some hot tea (chamomile, peppermint, green tea or just whatever you like) and sip on that -> helps to be less bloated

- sip on water throughout the day (don't chug it) -> helps digestion and to be less bloated

- go on a walk, get some fresh air, do light exercises like yoga -> get your body moving and burn *some* calories; helps to feel better and less sick; takes away some of the guilt you might be holding onto (DON'T HEAVILY EXCERCISE AS IT MIGHT FUCK YOUR BODY UP EVEN MORE AND MAKE YOU RLY SICK)

- take a nap

- don't frickin fast (might make you binge again), instead have some light meals filled with fiber -> boost metabolism and digestion (I suggest waiting until 24-36 hours after your binge to really fast again -> stomach expanded a lot and you might get so hungry you binge, so wait for your stomach to relax a bit)

How to feel better mentally:

- don't look in the mirror for too long -> you're probably bloated and seeing your body like that will not help

- don't weigh yourself for 2-5 days after your binge -> your weight will have jumped up a whole bunch, it might be mostly water weight but it could still upset you

- don't beat yourself up about it, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself

- try to work through your feelings and find out what might have caused your binge -> that way you may be able to avoid such situations in the future

- accept that it happened and that there was no way for you to prevent it, it's not your fault

- remember that you are not any less valid or less loved because you binged, your worth is not defined by this

This is all I can come up with right now,

You are important and loved and deserve recovery♡

Stay safe, everyone

[It would really mean the world to me if you could reblog this even if you have a restrictive eating disorder]

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yaboylevi · 4 years

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What was it that made you believe that Zeke would work with L//vi for a big chunk of the manga? Do you think it could still happen?

Yes.

Namely, I thought Zeke was against Marley... which would’ve meant he could’ve become Paradis ally, but we found out after 2-3 years in chapter uhhh 113-114 that even if Zeke is indeed against Marley, he is also against...well, Eldians, in a very messed up, self-deprecating, depressing way.

Then there was also the whole theme of forgiving past atrocities and working together towards a better future, and Levi-Zeke seemed like the perfect duo to express this theme in a powerful way. After all, this is what Isayama is doing with Reiner&Co and the SC, though its delivery wasn’t appreciated by many. I still think the concept is really valid and interesting, but I agree that it wasn’t written very well. It was better expressed through Gabi and Kaya, but I wanted to also see adults going through this change of heart. What we got with the Alliance wasn’t nearly as powerful, imo.

On a less serious note, their bantering has been hilarious and charged, and it’s a dynamic rarely seen in SnK - this happened particularly when it looked like Zeke and Levi would have to cooperate for the foreseeable future. I was - still am - craving that mineral bantering.

They also share some similarities, as most kids seemed to in Shingeki - part of a minority, who have lived their childhood/teenage years in the worst place of their city (underground & Liberio), were considered special for something (strength - royal blood), grew up without parents, and their father figure was a disaster, whose shadow has hovered over them till their adulthood. Abandonment issues. Hero complex, kinda - differently but still a responsibility towards “saving others” that burdens them. Extreme loyalty that bleeds into kind of an unhealthy attachment. People around them looked up to them, because they had a leadership role. Sooo, I just thought it would’ve been interesting to see them interact in a friendlier scenario, until they acknowledged their similarities on a unconscious level.

And finally, on why I replied with “Yes, I still see it happening”: Zeke was written in a way that it implies his role is not over. He was asked to stop Eren. He won’t die before this has happened. Levi also wants to stop Eren, preferably without having to kill him, something that I bet Zeke agrees with. So for me, SC+ Zeke can still work together. I expect Zeke to die in the process, unfortunately, so it’s not like I’d see much of a Zeke-Levi begrudging alliance, but it’s better than...forever enemies in a series that calls for such hatred to stop, and begs for different parties to forgive each other and acknowledge their faults.

#zeke asks #levi asks #snk spoilers #shingeki asks #anonymous #zevi

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highgaarden · 4 years

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hi everyone! It's me, writer of "black out days" and "unfinished sympathy". if you've read and liked the stories, i hope you will leave me a review and let me know what you think. I'm still new to this fandom and I Crave That Mineral Validation --that aside I'm still feeling out the characters and their motivations, so any feedback on those would be helpful and much appreciated!

tl;dr please reblog my posts and leave comments because it would make me very happy!!!

#peter x catherine fanfiction #Peter x Catherine #The great #This has been a post

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orodrethsgeek · 4 years

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tagged by @veliseraptor--thank you! This is fun

AO3 Name: OrodrethsMichiru

Fandoms: I did a lot more fandom hopping in my youth, attempted at various points to plant myself in a singular fandom (failed), and have since accepted that I have eclectic tastes, lol. I’d say my main fandoms at this point though at The Silmarillion, the Dragon Age series, and most recently The Untamed. I’ve become extremely terrible at actually creating since I graduated college in 2014 (and lbr my productivity suffered majorly during the Looming Mental Health Crisis I pretended wasn’t happening my junior and senior years, so not a lot happened on the publishing front then anyway). I’ve got a lot of unpublished WIPs in various other fandoms, too—Supernatural, Dominion, and Half-Life are probably the most significant, i.e., most likely to be picked back up and fiddled with. Spare me from my own ineptitude lol.

Fic you spent the most time on: Oh gosh, I mean… all of them? I’ve had several WIPs on-going since at least 2014 that I still pull out from time to time and beat my brains against. Uh, if we’re going finished, published fic, though, I began writing The Line of Kings in 2011 and didn’t finish uploading it until 2014… for which I had no excuse because the first drafts from top to bottom were fully written when I first started uploading it. (… Oh, perhaps there was a bit of an excuse; one of my professors died shortly after I uploaded the first few chapters.)

Fic you spent the least amount of time on: Hmmm. I wrote Whom They Fear in my head while emptying the dishwasher, ran back to my room, typed it out, and published it the same day. I distinctly remember that happening, so, probably that one? (Lol I was so confident back then.)

Longest fic: Certainly The Line of Kings (word count according to The Silmarillion Writer’s Guild is 29,189).

Shortest fic: Mmmmm, I’ve posted a literal drabble-fic, Unrequited, so that probably takes the cake (100).

Most hits: Following Lise’s example to rule out multi-chapter fics, if I total the hits/read counts from the various platforms I’ve actually posted fic on, I’m left with Whom They Fear as the most hits. Out of my (lol woefully insubstantial) AO3 portfolio, it would be Insomnia.

Most kudos: Drawing solely from AO3 for this stat (as neither fanfiction.net nor the SWG have a kudos function [… that I’m aware of; it’s been A WHILE guys]), it would be Wait Until The Light Breaks.

Most comment threads: The AO3 contenders are dead even here, but tallying up across platforms, it’s Wait Until The Light Breaks.

Fave fic you wrote: I mean, I have a lot of incomplete stuff that I’m very proud of the word craft I managed to achieve. But if we’re going strictly completed (or at least uploaded) fic… Wait Until The Light Breaks, definitely. A lot of things came together brilliantly for that fic (not least of which being my discovery of Sara Berkeley Tolchin’s poem "What Just Happened?" as I was wrapping the fic itself up, which… okay, so, the fic itself features Maeglin right after his parents’ deaths, and the poem, broadly, deals with reacting to a major emotional upheaval/event, featuring miners as a metaphor. I couldn’t write a coincidence like that in a story without feeling like it strained suspension of disbelief), and I’m still fairly proud of how the prose holds up. Of course, if I ever manage to finish other fics again, that’ll be subject to change, lol.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: hahaaaaaahaaaaha, listen, I’ve been rewriting Line of Kings since I started it, I am still rewriting it, and that’s why it hasn’t migrated to AO3, because I have no idea if I want the original published version to still exist online or if I want to torch it and pretend I didn’t write some of the absolute cringe in it. Eugh. Also, I’ve been writing its new opening chapter for five years now, so… yeah, absolutely I would rewrite Line of Kings.

Although, having said that, Insomnia has absolutely inspired a mini-series of sorts featuring Maglor and Curufin (… and the theme of not being able to sleep) throughout three points in their lives, so I supposed that counts as an expansion?

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: So I’ve got two main WIPs I’m focused on right now; one of them is the penultimate part of the aforementioned (currently unnamed) Maglor-Curufin trilogy; the other is a Lise-inspired Untamed AU featuring Xue Yang if he’d been adopted into Baixue Temple and grown up alongside Song Lan (it fails to be a fix it fic whoops). Soooooooo since I have no self control and crave validation, I’ll do excerpts from both.

Silm-fic Excerpt:

“Off to catch up on your beauty sleep,” he observes mildly. Then he straightens out of his lounging posture and makes as if to stride past me, down the hall. Toward Nelyo’s room. “Time for a changing of the guard, wouldn’t you say?”

I catch his wrist as it brushes past, tight enough to feel the delicate bones beneath the skin. Atarinkë stops. “Leave him be, Curvo.” He pulls against my grip, testing it; I squeeze until I feel his bones grind together and dredge up echoes of our father’s voice. “I mean it.” This time Atarinkë goes entirely still, stiff in my grasp, and despite myself I feel a thrill of satisfaction.

I should know better, of course. Like an animal, Atarinkë is most dangerous when wounded.

And Untamed AU Excerpt:

The orphan—Xue Yang—is still bruised the first time they meet properly, the marks faded to sickly yellow. He watches Song Lan from across Chen Daozhang’s tea table as if Song Lan is a tiger waiting to spring. He ignores the tea steaming gently in front of him, and seems to ignore Chen Daozhang’s attempts to get him to introduce himself to Song Lan. Every so often, he snakes an arm—his right arm, Song Lan notices—out to grab a clumsy handful of peanuts from the bowl on the table. He doesn’t eat them, but drops them into the pile growing in his lap, his brow furrowed, as though daring Chen Daozhang to say something of it.

I tag—oh goodness, I don’t actually know. Any of my writeblr friends who see this and wanna hop in? Tag me if you do, I wanna see your stuff <3 but I also don’t want to pressure anybody

#tumblr games #it speaks #my writing #uggggggggggggggh just noticed the terrible repetition of 'bones' in my silm excerpt #I like writing #I promise #I just also hate it #built to wreck #maglor+curufin fic

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merrysithmas · 5 years

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I read boris as bisexual (and theo as gay) but I see a lot of people saying he is gay, did I miss something??

i really wish tumblr's tag system worked, bc then I could link you to my old post about this which would be much more detailed and eloquent, so I'm sorry about that!

But to be succinct (ahhaa as if i ever could be) everyone's hc about Boris' sexuality is valid, however in my opinion (and many others) it is textually obvious that Boris' liasions with women are either compulsive heterosexuality, just used for the simple hendonistic pleasure/ having the easy availability of a partner compared to the difficulty he would have finding a male partner in many conservative countries, used for status gain, or simply bold-faced lies.

Boris NEVER speaks of any sexual encounter with a woman unless asked (by Theo, about losing his virginity, and again by Theo, pressing if he slept with Kotku). Boris does not connect emotionality to his dynamics with women specifically (on purpose, because he doesn't care and they are not important to him), and he often makes up lies to cover up his true feelings or put on a show (when he deems it necessary to his own survival or opportunistic).

Boris is also VERY nonverbal in expressing his real feelings of love. This likely comes from fear and being raised in an abusive household. Boris fears putting in jeopardy anything he truly loves. Things he doesn't love or fear losing? Well they are truly game for vapid exclamations of showmanship -- meeting Kotku and "loving" her in one afternoon, talking about how "hot" Xandra is bc she is an attractive older woman who he "should" find desirable. The sex worker he lost his virginity to was "awesome" yet he js u comfortable talking about it. Theo? The person Boris devotes ten years of his life to? Does he ever outright say I love you? No. There's the evidence.

Boris keeps women at a distance and even is abusive to them when the limits of his adolescent understanding of himself/his psyche are pushed (he was raised in a violent household, he equates love with instability and violence and ingenuine feeling). He also uses violence to express his emotions - he and Theo frequently roughhouse and hit each other speficially at moments when they have romantic or sexual tension to displace that. With Kotku, he hits her when she seems like he is going to break up with him. An emotional fear of not being "the man that she wants". A fear of not being "a man". Of not living up to an image he never wanted in the firs place (sensitive Boris who loves reading and philosophizing and music and craves love and companionship).

On the other hand he openly flirts with Theo, watches him in class, compliments his glasses, sits next to him on the bus, can't stop talking to him all afternoon, begs him to come to his house, begs him to sleepover, asks him to sleep in his bed, cuddles him when he has nightmares, soothes him to sleep, listens to him, keeps him from comitting suicide, kisses him, and then when they are older he specifically mentions his sexual relationship with Theo, brings it up entirely on his own, outright professes his love for Theo with a kiss and longing guilt for a decade, willingly will give up his gang/life to retrieve the painting for Theo, and is open and flirtatious with Theo when they reunite (come to Moscow, come to Antwerp, shall we stand here tenderly and gaze?, telling him to eat, REFUSING to give up the painting aka Theo's soul to Martin on threat of his LIFE ... survivalist Boris finally finding something he's willing to die for).

Textually Boris' relationship with Kotku was engendered out of gay panic after the text suggests he and Theo had a relationship of some kind for a year following the pool scene in Vegas. Boris, who has only known love as instability and abuse (via Vladimir) and who also like has internalized homophobia in the sense that he feels he cannot flaunt this preference of is out in the open, flees to Kotku and essentially recreates his relationship with Theo with her, in a heterosexual lens. He gets extremely touchy when Theo asks if he was sleeping with her after boiling over in jealousy for months, and Boris gives an answer "What do you think? You want me to make you a map?" that can either be taken as a grudging yes or embarrassed no.

Boris also dates Kotku SPECIFICALLY because she already had another boyfriend and therefore his relationship with her is already moot. It is uncommitted. He denies the advances of all the other girls at school, much to Theo's confusion, even girls he asserts are prettier and more interesting. Cough. Boris just doesn't like girls. Boris even points out one of the girls, Saffi, is "too straight" and Kotku (who it was mentioned in previous pages is bi/pan/poly) is "like them".

Boris did not enjoy his first sexual experience, which he notes was with a sex worker in a parking lot in Alaska (undoubtedly the influence of the miners), and ONLY has a positive relationship with women (not abusive, as he is with Kotku) when he strictly emphasies he and the women are just friends (Xandra, Myriam his "right hand man").

When they are older Boris invents a cover story about a Swedish family that Theo sees RIGHT through and laughs at, letting us know how fake it is, after which Boris drops the lie immediately and doesn't continue it. But Boris did not know Theo at that point - Theo who was marrying a wealthy woman himself - and Boris needed to see if Theo was still the same person he knew in Vegas. He needed to pin their boyhood romance on Theo at first, to test the waters, and invent a family on par with Theo's own invented family connection-- the Barbours. He needed to know for sure Theo didn't despise him before he poured his heart out in him again.

Those are some of the many reasons I and many others feel the text indicates Boris is gay :)

#ask #boris pavlikovsky #sorry i couldnt find my other post

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silversiren1101 · 5 years

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Writing and My Goblin

The writer in my brain is a Goblin.

They’re really good at digging up impossible things from the dirt, plot points and ideas others would’ve left as trash but can turn into diamonds when polished.

They’re also an idiot that chews on pencil erasers and chokes on the rubber bits that fly down its throat.

I love it a lot and have had such a joy working with it.

But recently, it’s been on strike.

My internal write-mine is shutdown. The Goblin has gone on strike, and I know why. Bitterness and jealousy, the things we always say we’ll never succumb to.

And yet, here we are.

Because we aren’t just creators, we’re also consumers. Many of us start writing because there is an absence, something we want to read but it doesn’t exist. We’ve read everything that’s interested us, fallen in love with authors and creators, and are still left hungry.

So we write, but are we necessarily read?

Most of us have been there: we see other people writing in the same niche space as we do that get so much more attention.

“Did we do something wrong? Why aren’t we popular? Am I just a shit writer? Is the fandom purposefully excluding me? Did I write on a taboo subject?” If you’ve had any of these thoughts, you are not alone. Your fears aren’t silly.

It’s like screaming into the void, except the screaming is writing and the void is the internet... which is kind of the same thing, nevermind.

But anyway.

Why is this happening?

Because no one ever really told you how to wrangle your Goblin. It’s some cruel hazing ritual we as creators have to figure out for ourselves.

Notes and kudos and comments and fanworks, “Validation Jewels” I’ll call them. These are a TREAT, and it’s toxic to yourself to think of them as anything but. Your Goblin CRAVES validation jewels, will scream like a kid passing McDonalds for a Happy Meal.

But you have to be the parent that says “we have food at home.”

Because as much as you give them the jewels, their hoard will NEVER be big enough for them. Their craving will never be sated. They’ll look around at all the other creators in your space and their hoards, and wonder why they have some jewels that we don’t have.

Worse, what does it do when it sees their hoard of jewels is so much bigger than ours?

Well, it throws a god damn fit. “What’s the point?!” it screeches. It smashes the keyboard to pieces. It snaps the pencil in two. No more writing in this mine, no sir.

When I sit down and open the word doc, the Goblin stands there with its arms crossed. “Validation jewels first”, it demands, tapping its foot. You turn out your pockets to find them empty, and all you can do is look achingly at the languishing plot plants wilting about the edges of the cave. It doesn’t care that you need to actually produce first before any validation jewels can be harvested.

And so I close the word doc, only to open it again a week later and go through it all again. And again. And again.

And it won’t stop until you realize: YOU are the Goblin Wrangler.

The Goblin has grown greedy and needs to be reminded that Validation Jewels are a TREAT. They’re not actual food.

A true healthy diet is built upon Accomplishment Coins. These are the unique, undescribable coins found at the end of completing a piece. These are the fuzzy, prideful feelings once you submit that WIP. It’s the tears you wipe away after you finally save a piece without “draft” in the title. It’s the crack in your throat when you shout “Finally!”. It’s the feeling of wanting to run miles upon miles in joy.

Self. Fulfillment.

You did this. You wrote this. And no one could’ve done it in the same way you did.

Accomplishment Coins are loaded with healthy vitamins and minerals. It’s pure goodness. While Validation Jewels are a nice treat, it’s like eating nothing but ice cream all day.

The Goblin wants it. Don’t give the Goblin what it wants. You know better as a Wrangler.

So at the end of it all, remember that Validation Jewels are a rich, luxurious treat only to be consumed in moderation. Trying to make them a valid diet for your Goblin will only make them spoiled and sick. Accomplishment Coins are the only true, sustainable meal for a Goblin, and will make you, your plot plants, AND your Goblin happy and healthy.

Treat your Goblin well, but most of all, treat yourself with kindness.

#writing #writing advice #writeblr #fanfiction #silversirenwrites

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clumsyclifford · 4 years

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me: sees an anon talk about your baby driver fic and is immediately met with the sad realization that i still haven’t read it 😰😰 wow, thank u anon for putting me in my place smh

omg lkjfgkladjfkj well if you do read it tell me what you think

#it's okay you dont have to read all my writing #also sometimes it's kinda fun to realize that a writer you like has posted something that you havent read #not to be like I'm That Writer but like.#i only recently realized i had never read helens train buddies au #BECAUSE IT'S ABANDONED shes such a little bitch #but anyway it was nice because after thinking id already read everything by her #i got a chance to read something all new!!#so it's kinda nice #anyway all of which to say it's cool i forgive you i dont care what stuff of mine you read or when you read it #just Leave A Comment bc i crave that validation mineral #love u c #haikucal #ask #answered

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mccallumsloan8-blog · 5 years

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Dessert & Sour Chick.

At long last, I'm discussing the dish I have actually perhaps created the absolute most because Adriana began eating solids (which in some way believes that for life earlier and also just last night simultaneously). I made all of them this morning as well as certainly they appeared higher and also fluffy and failed to have extremely to deliver left alone in the oven for a while. Low in fats and saturated fat each providing, it acts as a healthy and balanced and one-of-a-kind alternative for dinner. Candida fungus, little intestinal bacterial overgrowth (SIBO), and also other fungus and bacterial overgrowth indicate your small intestine cannot appropriately take in or absorb nutrients, causing food cravings, desires, and also irritation that bring about weight loss resistance. Your internet site as well as cookbook has altered my cooking area, my preparing food as well as our team are eating much more vegetations! If you don't know where to start when it pertains to making healthy meals selections - or even if you are presently following a well-balanced, healthy and balanced diet plan but require some new dish concepts - our company have united our 10 favored blog sites to resort to for fresh, periodic, whole-grain cooking (and baking). I know where I could buy affordable, yummy vegetarian creamy cheeses, yet considering that I am allergic to corn I can not possess most of all of them. As for the nutritional web content, consider this records (PDF) on standard African ruminant marrow", courtesy of Loren Cordain. Vegetables are actually a really good source of thread, vitamins, minerals as well as antioxidants so they should become part of a healthy and balanced and also well balanced diet. Additionally, http://lifestyleblog-hu.com/choco-lite-hatasos-szer-fogyasra-hatasok-velemenyek-forum-ara-hol-kaphato/ as well as fish excel sources of potassium, yet the blood potassium is going to filtrate out in to one's cooking tool. Recently, I proclaimed my passion of midwest delightful corn and because of this, I obtained a bunch requests for additional methods to use corn while this is actually in peak time. My target was actually 10 minutes prep, as well as I generally clock in at around 7 or 8 minutes (when I have my cooking food game skin on!). The vegetables listed below for the beating was initially briefly prepared on the stovetop (or else they obtain dried out in the stove and also do not prepare as carefully). Very seriously ... as somebody which deals with packing well-balanced lunch times (and a shortage from forethought!), this is actually great. On a much a lot less serious note, portion of ending up being vegetarian was actually negligence - I regularly hated cooking meat ... the cleanup ... questioning if this is actually performed yet ... Our document is him consuming healthy vegetarian dinner for 2 weeks without noticing. I fought with an eating condition as well as presumed that eating healthy was actually if the package deal claimed fat-free, sugar-free, etc. as well as like I pointed out package deal! You will definitely have even more energy and also stamina, you'll heal your body system naturally with the phytochemicals and also well-balanced fats and also healthy proteins in these meals, and also you might view your state of mind, memory, and intellectual function improve too. I was therefore happy to review these and flee off consuming evident tossed salad and also rice spaghetti. So I thought it may be exciting to highlight a few of things our team have actually been cooking and also eating this week at the beach front along with a few things that our experts would certainly possess been cooking as well as eating if our company had additional opportunity below on our little vacay. Yes, there are actually valid reasons to appreciate raw plants in your diet regimen, but I do not assist the strategy as an action or exclusionary guideline for consuming Humans have actually been actually preparing for over a hundred 1000 years Some nutrients are enhanced through warm. Likewise, if you think your stove operates very hot, I would certainly suggest obtaining an over thermostat to be sure as that could surely help make a distinction. For me, the work associated with food preparation had not been difficult, but did call for analysis and re-reading recipes, and preparing calculated laundry list. Explore fun, healthy substitutes for your favorite meals that are going to help you far better meet your macros. I more than happy I discovered your website due to the fact that I am attempting to launch and ease on my own from these uncontrollable tendencies and merely reside my lifestyle caring well-balanced meals. Your body will promptly adapt to your new, far healthier consuming strategy, and you will certainly finish the purify emotion refreshed, light as well as healthy and balanced. After browning the chick upper legs in sets, I browned the pearl onions in the bacon oil combineded with the fat coming from the hen thighs. The food items movement could not exist without everyone managing to take home new, local area produce as well as make a great tasting dish coming from that. The process of in fact preparing food is actually one of the most private method our experts can associate with the food movement. Chef Shortcuts is actually a new once a week cooking set on HuffPost Flavor where I will definitely inquire a number of the globe's ideal chefs to discuss one fantastic suggestion, one food preparation procedure they have actually learned in all their years in qualified kitchen areas. While investigating simple facts about Hambāgu on Japanese Wiki, I knew that there is a United States version of hamburger steak and that is actually extremely just like a dish contacted Salisbury Steak, both of which I have actually never made an effort just before. The recipe was actually coming from a wonderful small dining establishment in Tallinn, and also featured flambeing the deep-fried chicken livers (I nearly melted the cooking area down!), preparing a batch of raisin syrup to flavour the paté (utilized the cooked raisins for a pleasant pie eventually) and after that pushing the entire thing with a fine net filter (took permanently!). Previous attempts have actually left me believing a bit dissatisfied, like I was actually just eating a well-balanced dessert that tasted like avocado and cacao grain. All your dishes would be nice to invite print ... I have no idea how you could possibly formulate a lot more!! Examine the instructions on the turkey package; that is actually most likely that you will not have to clear away the tie unless you are actually preparing the chicken at a really high temperature. Love her concepts and showing our company her food preparation approaches and thoroughly delight in all the recipes that I have made an effort. Stella: Corn carbohydrate is amidon in French, or even Maizena (one might utilize white potato carbohydrate also), as well as corn syrup is actually blood sugar. I used an actors iron pot to cook all of them in and also I needed quickly to learn channel to reduced warm (unless you like singed sides) finished in the stove. I started with a classic corn chowder making use of blended and also whole clean pieces, onion, dairy, cream, and also garlic but included some jalapeño as well as chili powder for flavor and used cooked black as well as tiny red grains rather than potatoes for bulk. If I were actually the type of person which requested for healthy and balanced chocolate pubs as well as superfood smoothie combines for my birthday celebration (pointer: I am), I will ask for these classy pretties.

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winklerclausen15-blog · 6 years

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Sports Are Broken.

The Norwegian low-carbohydrate crew Strømsgodset have succeeded the game cup for the very first time because 1970. Permit's get in touch with a precise moratorium on food items rules, obtain curious with our cravings as well as begin checking out along with fervency! It could be challenging to perform, yet after a while that becomes completely organic (due to the fact that that is) and you don't also think of this. You no longer give meals any kind of power over you. We should begin increasing awareness of women sporting activities as well as favorable body photo coming from a young grow older, which means open discussions both in as well as out of the classroom. I assume doing that Sky Headlines thing in 2014 kind of kicked the last of that inhibition away from me. Exactly how that aids: Round for All programs motivate Tranquility Corp volunteers staying in African areas to start sporting activities teams for children, specifically for women which might certainly not possess acess. Stay tuned as sporting activities media analysts as well as intellectuals proceed looking for illustrations in order to why female professional athletes haven't however achieved as sturdy a condition in sporting activities as males. As you return your appropriate lower leg as well as left joint to the start posture, take your left leg towards your right elbow in the exact same manner. Resting your body system off sporting activity or exercise is undoubtedly the easiest and certainly the most inexpensive approach from rehabilitation. Likewise my understanding is actually that this is a 2 day seminar, certainly not 3. You might would like to validate this if you' r having this, lest you turn up for the 3rd time and also you are the a single there. Misconception 3: Kids need to play their sporting activity year-round to stay clear of avoiding shape, which might lead to accident. A few of the a lot more famous trends from modern technology consist of online forums and also support groups from Sparkpeople to Match Time to numerous other discussion forums where individuals can easily discuss experiences, tips and also article annoying spam products. Sports beverages incorporate water along with minerals, vitamins, as well as electrolytes-- compounds that aid manage body methods. That's actually poor exactly how the sections are actually certainly not only thus huge, consequently either obliging individuals to overeat or waste the food, but the actual quality of meals seems to be to have actually fallen apart as well. I am actually an 80 years of age male who made use of to become rather suited as I participated in a lot of squash at a leading reasonable amount. The importance gets on the actual entire food technique, well-balanced body fats, fresh veggies as well as top quality proteins. If all else stops working why not attempt snooker or darts (hello thy are actually sporting activities extremely appropriate!!) As for http://fitnesswelt-de.com/erex-m16-de-meinungen-bewertungen-zutaten-wie-funktioniert-es-effekte-wo-kaufen/ down a certainly not too steep slope then proceed to steeper inclines as you understand this. The moment you can easily degenerate at 40mph you'll never look back!! He's involved in mentoring activities along with the National Aboriginal Athletics Firm, NASCA. Then I assumed, Wow, exactly what regarding if there is actually little kids on the market that presumed they desire to feel like Donny Elgin." Then I'm refraining them any kind of compensation in all if I cover my upper hand or if I cannot produce this simple to inquire questions regarding it, if I'm not comfy from it. So then onwards I have actually determined that I ought to create this as effortless as I perhaps could for the next generation. The director from the facility, lecturer Murray Drummond, says while ladies sign up with sport at an identical fee to boys, they have a considerably greater dropout rate. Observing surgical operation, you may require around six months of bodily treatment to reclaim your complete range of activity as well as leg stamina. The objective is certainly not to obtain to 0% carbs. its a purpose imposible. ther are actually carbohydrates in pork, eggs, as well as such meals also. one cant prevent this! Playing Football carries out not hurt adolescents' brains, even if they go through blasts-- so mention researchers from the Tulane Principle of Sports Medication. That holds true 4 or even 5 oreos never ever got rid of any individual, it's eating half the cram in one resting that eventually carries out. I viewed your online video on physical exercises for the roadway as well as that received me thinking- I am a service pupil and resting at a desk for hrs at once for internships creates me think that I'm throwing away sooo a lot time that I can be investing receiving match. My pictures coming from 2 summers months earlier at my fittest- couldn't care much less exactly what the incrustation must point out given that I was in wonderful form & positive. His job relies on styles like the Lord's Acre, a Christian area backyard that increases organic food for those in need. I strongly believe the perks of sport variation in youth have actually been actually shown to outweigh those discovered with sport expertise. I choose to heat up all my meals on the oven though as the microwave supposively messes with the chemical make up from meals when waved". Involvement in sporting activities counters the significant public health problems of obesity and, possibly extra essentially, the disengagement" that most of us notice in youngsters these days. The physical exercise systems run by meals providers are window dressing, and also no have no impact. NATALIE WHITING: He states ongoing involvement fees are greater in sports like netball that are actually seen as womanly. Our team set up the food items pantry around the church, even of the sanctorium. What Congress is actually planning to carry out with the new Food items Protection Administration is actually decrease selection and also high quality workmanship in the market, intimidate local business to close, and squash the private company individual; all while developing an additional puffed up, pricey, incompetent federal authorities firm to take away conditions' legal rights to pass and thrust their noses in to every person's kitchen area. Like, our team possess that food however our company determine certainly not to eat that for reasons of adhering far better to community's standards from beauty as well as thinness (something I'm sure our cavern individuals ascendants could possibly possess totally promoted had they not been actually occupied ranging from woolly mammoths constantly in between getting mongongo nuts off the ground half the day). The employer determined to produce Portuguese food items eventually for the workplace, leaving behind a keep in mind reminding the employees they needed Portuguese-speaking customer service representatives. This is actually the absolute most usual sporting activities injury in each males and females, but that is actually especially typical amongst females. New investigation reveals that sitting around for extended periods of time can increase your blood glucose levels-- even when you match a HALF AN HOUR session of physical exercise in-- thus remain active and enhance your 30 minutes of workout with frequent mild task. Virtually three away from every 4 grownups that hoard food items do not feel that this is an issue.

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