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justmeinadaze · 10 months

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Ghost In The Machine (Eddie X You)

A/N: I wrote this a few days ago because I need it more than anything rn.

Title is based off of SZA's song "Ghost In The Machine".

"I give a fuck, I just wanna fuck, eat, sleep, love, happy Can you make me happy? Can you keep me happy?

Can you distract me from all the disaster? Can you touch on me and not call me after? Can you hate on me and mask it with laughter? Can you lead me to the ark? What's the password?

I need humanity You're like humanity"

They do text near the end. Eddie's texts will be in red.

Warnings: Daddy Dom Eddie X Stripper Sub (slight bratty) Fem Reader, SMUT, dirty talk, dry humping, phone smut, slight degrading if you squint, choking), Eddie is kinda mean at first, traumas are alluded to but not expanded on (Child abuse; bad past relationships), light FLUFF with my usual dash of the ANGST.

Word Count: 4060

Being asked to perform at parties like this wasn’t new for you and the other girls. Having the manager of a famous band reach out to your company for some “entertainment” wasn’t odd either. What was odd was that you were told Corroded Coffin had four band members and right now you were looking at three. They seemed content with the girls they had grinding and kissing on their lap so you decided to take a look around the mansion style home you guys had been called to.

It was extremely beautiful with a bunch of rooms displaying different things. Your fingers grazed the wall at the bottom of the bands framed platinum and gold albums. Turning into what you assumed was a game room, you found a billiards table and a PlayStation with a mini bar in the corner. Around the area, shelfs prominently showed off the band’s awards and accolades with MANY pictures of them in different places.

As you walked further down the hall, you passed an open-door smelling smoke and hearing light strumming of a guitar. Pausing, you took a couple of steps back to peer into the room, finding that missing fourth member.

He had headphones on over his long, wavy hair as a half-finished cigarette dangled from his lips. His eyes were closed as his fingers ran across the instruments strings as it leaned against his bare chest. His jeaned leg and barefoot tapped to a beat as he listened to his music.

“Jesus Christ!”, he exclaimed as his eyes shot open feeling a change in the atmosphere. “What the fuck are you doing over here?! You girls are supposed to stay in the goddamn living room.”

“Hey there’s no reason to be rude! Your friends were preoccupied with the other ladies so I thought I’d look around.”

“Uh huh. To steal shit?”

“No! To look. I got bored, ok?!”

“Hm. A hooker who’s bored. That’s something I haven’t heard before.” His tone is dripping with mocking as he rises to his feet.

“That’s no reason for you to be a fucking asshole!”

“You watch your mouth when you talk to me, little girl. I can make sure you and your ‘company’ never get another job again.”

“Oh, Mr. Tough Rockstar is oh no scary. Fuck you. I’ve handled way worse clients than the number 5 band on the billboard charts.”

The man’s held tilted to the side as he finally drank you in. You were visually different than what he expected when his friends had suggested reaching out to an agency to have some women come over to celebrate with since they were nominated for another Grammy. Eddie didn’t care about that kind of thing; he just wanted to play music. When he heard the car pull up, he immediately disappeared to his room to practice and write some new songs. Not that he wasn’t interested in “entertaining a woman”. This metalhead liked a challenge and he enjoyed even more a strong woman that wouldn’t just cater to his every whim. He didn’t want a woman who would get down on her knees no questions asked. Eddie wanted one who would tell him to fuck off but then after a few consensual activities would be dripping and begging for his cock.

Women were offered to him and his friends constantly. He wanted something he had to earn so that way when she finally submitted, it was all the more sweet.

“What’s your name?”, he asked in a much softer tone.

“Y/N. You?”

“Are you asking to be polite or do you genuinely not know who the guitarist of the band who is number five on the billboard charts?”

“Do you always make things this complicated?”

“Yes.” When he grins at you, you can’t help but smile back.

“Some of the other ladies find catering to a man’s ego really gets them going. I find it’s better to ask them questions, Mr. Munson, especially since most of our clients think we don’t care about them.”

“Do you? Care I mean.”

“Sometimes.”, you shrug.

“You’re honest. I like that.”

“I don’t really see the point in lying if I’m probably never going to see you again.”

“Do you WANT to see me again?”

This time it was your turn to tilt your head. He said that with a lot of the sass he had been giving you since he saw you but something else was behind his eyes when he spoke, something lonely. Your palm reached out confidently, landing on the bulge in his jeans. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice his size. The part of him that was against your hand wasn’t even all of him and you gulped as you tried to regain your confident composure.

“Do you want me to help you feel better now, Mr. Munson?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”, the guitarist mused as he stepped forward, placing his own palm against the wall behind you and trapping you against it. “I hate when my questions go unanswered.”

“You-you must be used to disappointment then.”

His nose grazed yours, grinning a big tooth filled smile before his eyes flicked down to your hand on his cock.

“You must be to, Y/N.” Slowly, his fingers trace down your arm and take hold of your wrist as he holds it still. “Be honest. Have you ever felt a dick as big as mine?”

You licked your lips as his hips began grinding against your palm, trying to push down the moan that wanted to escape.

“Ooo someone’s confident.”, you jest. Something in his look changes as the hand on the wall behind you slides down to your throat. In most situations with your other clients this would be a time to panic but he wasn’t gripping you violently. When his fingers firmly pressed into your skin, your brain felt fuzzy as your pussy clenched around nothing.

“I’d say I’ve earned the right to be confident. Now, Y/N, this your one warning. Answer the questions I ask you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-yes Mr. Munson. I understand. N-no. I’ve never felt a dick like yours.”

He smirked as he pressed your palm harder against him. “Good girl.” Your let out a sigh when he released his hold on your neck to push some of your hair behind your ear. “You really are beautiful, Y/N. Fuck and your hand feels so good. I can only imagine how the rest of you feels.”

“You don’t have to imagine. You can have me if you want me.”

Eddie’s smirk grows as he bites his bottom lip. “Honestly, sweetheart, I’ve never wanted anything more but…that’s not how I play. I don’t want you to fuck me because you’re paid to.” He leans in till his lips are right by your ear. “I want you to fuck me because you want to…need me to.” You hear his breathing stutter as he moves his hips faster, his grip on your wrist tightening. “Beg me to.”

“Oh fuck…”, you whimpered at his words. His movements become choppy and grunts before you feel dampness on his jeans.

He leans back placing his forehead on yours as he licks his lips and softly smiles. “See, what would usually happen now is I’d make you cum to. I bet that pussy is just aching to be touched but see…you’re getting to paid to make us feel good…not the other way around.”

You’re honestly too stunned to say anything or fight back with your typical brand of sass. Right now, all you can think of his him and how bad you need something from him; anything.

“Can…can I kiss you?”

When he nods, you waste no time connecting your lips to his. You immediately taste the nicotine but that undertone of him has you dizzy. All too quickly, it’s over as he pulls away. He doesn’t just move his head but his whole body as he backs towards his bed, yanking off his now stained jeans and boxers.

“How long are you ladies here for?”, he asks nonchalantly as he sits on the bed and picks up his guitar again.

“Huh? Oh, um, 2 AM I think.”

He glances at his phone before handing it to you. “Time’s almost up. Put your number in there for me.”

Eddie said it like a command and your instinct was to say something snarky but as you looked down at him strumming his instrument without looking at you, you realized there was more to this man than meets the eye. Most men who begged for your number always watched you intently to make sure you actually did it, you assumed. Of course, you gave them a fake number or the number to the agency you worked for but with this man here his head remained lowered. It was almost like he was afraid you wouldn’t…like he really hoped you would and would be hurt if he watched you decline, giving the phone back.

There was something about Eddie that you wanted to know more about. He wasn’t like everyone else you had been around. For some reason, you felt like you could trust him.

After inputting your real number, you placed his device back on his nightstand and sat beside him. “We still have 45 minutes. Can I ask what you’re working on?”

His eyes shoot over to you as he cautiously scans your soft smiling face. “We’re working on this new album and Jeff has this song he wrote but I can’t find the right sound. I was just messing around and recording them to see if it sparked something.”

“May I hear what you have so far?”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

He reached over, grabbing an extra set of headphones and placed them over you head. You grinned as different guitar riffs and melodies began to play.

“This is all you?” Eddie nods. “Wow. Mr. Munson, you are definitely talented.”

When he pauses the recording and you slide the headphones around your neck. “You can call me Eddie if you’d like.”

“Okay, Eddie.” After putting the headphones over your ears again, he pressed play and you both leaned back in his bed.

He couldn’t help but be a little shocked that you didn’t try to touch him again. Anywhere he or his band went, people tried to touch his body whether it was meet and greets, walking through the street, or even on stage when overzealous fans would jump on and run at them. Any girl that was lucky enough to be in his bed would insist on touching him until she left as if she knew this would be the last time she saw him. That’s another reason he struggled to maintain any kind of relationship. Besides the crazy rockstar life, he never was keen on being constantly touched.

He got enough of that with his career and when he was growing up when his dad would knock him around. With his last relationship, they fought constantly because there were times he would come home from a long day and just wanted a moment to decompress alone. He knew she meant well but even after nicely asking her to give him a moment she would still try and wrap her arms around him or try and kiss parts of his body.

What he didn’t know yet was that you understood that feeling all too well. Being in your line of work, men seemed to believe you didn’t even have a line they shouldn’t cross, always touching some part of your body until their time was up. When you were just a stripper at the company you worked for, men were the same but at least you had a bouncer to quickly pulled them back. When times got hard and you told your boss you were willing to sign up for the “side hustle”, it was just you and the girls.

No one had ever gotten too physical like that but after your client came you just wanted them to roll over and crash or just leave you there till the timer was up. Personally, you chose to stay away from relationships knowing most men wouldn’t like your line of business. Men constantly offered to “save you” but you knew it was all talk. They didn’t really care about you.

When you moved to the city, you promised you were only going to look out for yourself. You took care of you and had for a long time. The last time you relinquished control like that, you got burned and ran all the way to a new state.

A small hand tapped your knee and you jumped before realizing it was one of the other girls letting you know time was up.

“Ok, I’ll be right there.” You turn to Eddie and hand him his headphones. “I really like what you have so far. That last one was beautiful.”

“Thank you. Here, um, let me grab my sweatpants and I can walk you out.”

“Oh, Eddie, no. You don’t have to do that. It’s super late and in your gated front yard I don’t think anyone is going to jump us.”, you giggle.

“Ok…I’m going to put on pants anyway though because I want to hug you if that’s alright.” Without waiting for an answer, he finds a pair on the floor and pulls them up just below his hips.

“Do arms not work without sweats?”

“They do but I don’t want to be disrespectful by rubbing my dick on you and making you uncomfortable.”

“Didn’t I just…”

“You made that move, sweetheart. You put your hand on me.”, he grins as he places his body in front of yours. “May I hug you?”

When you nod, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you to his chest as your own limbs cling to his upper torso. This was a new feeling for you. It had been so long since you felt safe in someone’s arms. His hand petted your hair as he kissed the top of your head.

“I’ll talk to you later to make sure you’re alright.”

***

You sighed as you entered your front door, putting away your things, and throwing yourself on your bed as you closed your eyes. A sudden ding on your phone made your eyebrows scrunch as you blindly searched for it on your bed. Swiping it open, you noticed it was from an unknown number but as you read the message, a smile slowly formed on your face.

“Hey, sweetheart. Just checking in to make sure you got home alright.”

“Are you stalking me, Mr. Munson? Lol. I literally just walked in the door.”

Tossing your phone back on the bed, you figure it will most likely take him awhile to respond but as you go to your closet to change you hear that familiar ding.

“Yup. You caught me. I followed you home.”

“Shit. I just realized that’s probably not a joke I should be making in your line of work.”

“I was just thinking about you and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Lol Eddie! If I thought you were like that I wouldn’t have given you my number : ) “

“I’m alright though. Thank you for checking up on me.”

“Of course. I’ll leave you alone now so you can sleep.”

“I actually wasn’t going to go to sleep just yet.”

You paused for a moment debating on if you should tell him what you were going to do before bed. You were hoping if you did maybe he would talk to you like he did in his bedroom. Hearing him murmur his words and what he said got you wetter than anything else. You could still feel your slick sticking to your legs after you changed your clothes. Hell, it couldn’t hurt, right?

“I just got back from spending some time with this long haired rockstar with a huge cock who got me all hot and bothered so I was going to relieve some of this pressure here.”

You watched the dots on his end appear and disappear. The longer it took him the more nervous you got. Had you crossed a line?

“Don’t talk like that. Be upfront and honest. Talk to me like a big girl. What were you going to do before bed, Y/N?”

You could almost feel his stern eyes through the screen as you rubbed your thighs together.

“I was going to touch myself and think of you.”

His name suddenly popped up on your phone and you didn’t hesitate to answer the call.

“Hey Eddie.”

“Are you still wearing what you had on here?”

“No. I’m naked now.”

“Liar.”

“Eddie, I’m not—”

“Call me back when you’re ready to be a good girl.”

Your jaw dropped as he hung up and you huffed as you called him backed. “How dare you—”

“I don’t play games like that, little girl, and I hate liars. I figured since I got you all riled up and you are no longer on the clock maybe I could help you out. I also thought it would be fucking sexy to hear what you sound like when you cum. But if you want to cop an attitude with me, I can treat you how bratty little girls deserve to be treated. Now…what are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing an oversized t-shirt with my panties from earlier.”

He could hear your pout through the phone and it was making him hard all over again.

“Good. Good girl. Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“I don’t know. I just… I always have to be SEXY; you know? God forbid I show any humanity.”

“Not with me, princess. I imagine you look just as sexy now as you did looking up at me with those big, beautiful eyes against my bedroom wall."

“Thank you, Mr. Munson.”

“Of course. Now tell me, baby. You said you were going to touch yourself and think of me. What about me?”

“I was thinking about the way your lips tasted when you kissed me…so good.”

“The cigarette taste didn’t bother you?”, he chuckled making you smile as one of your hands roamed up your shirt to touch your breast.

“No. Not at all.”, you giggle back, biting your bottom lip.

“That’s good. I’ve had some complaints.” You can hear him smile and your fingers run along your nipple as your exhale heavily. “What are you doing over there, honey?”

“I’m playing with my tits.”

“Mmm. You did have some perfect tits. Well, from what I saw under that tight ass tank top.”

That makes you genuinely laugh and his smile grows at the sound. “What else were you going to think about?”

Your hand slides under the waistband of your panties as your finger slides through your dripping folds.

“I was going to think about your thick cock against my palm and the way you rubbed against it.”

“Yeah? You’re going to imagine me doing that right now between those gorgeous legs? Grinding my dick against your pretty little pussy.”

“F-fuck, Eddie.” Your eyes rolled back as two of your fingers breached your entrance. “Please…keep talking to me…like that.”

“You like the way I talk to you? Was that something else you were going to think about? Picturing me whispering in your ear like I did when you were here?”

You didn’t know but he was leading you somewhere. There was one thing he wanted, needed to hear you say on your own. As soon as he heard it, he was yours and he would do anything to make you his.

“Yes, I liked hearing you say the things you said.”

Eddie could hear you touching yourself and your little moans were driving him crazy as he quickly pulled down his pants.

“Princess, is it ok if I touch myself to?”

“Yeah, baby. Of course. A-are you—mmm—still a bit sensitive?” The sound of him spitting in his hand had you clench tightly as you whimpered.

“Ah, no, baby girl. But with those sexy fucking whimpers and groans I’m not going to last long.”, he chuckled. “How many fingers are you using?” You barely heard him as you thumb began messaging your clit. “I asked you something, sweetheart. What did I say when you were here?”

“If-if—mmm—you ask…me…something I-I answer.”

“Good girl. Tell me how many fingers you’re using.”

“Fuck…two. Two, Daddy.”

Eddie practically growled with pleasure at the word that he had been praying would fall from your lips.

“Jesus, yes. Good fucking girl. I want you to use three. You…you have to prepare that pretty pussy for… Daddy’s big cock.”

As soon as you did as he asked, the English language completely escaped your mind.

“I…your…oh my…” He grunted in your ear reminding you of when he was pressed against you sending you toppling over the edge as you came hard. The sound was almost too much for him as he pictured your cunt spasming around him as you moaned his name just as you had. For the second time that night you made him cum as his spend shot out and hit his stomach.

“Are you ok?”, you mumbled, drunk off your orgasm.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m alright. Are you?”

“I’ve never called anyone Daddy before.” You had no idea why you were being so honest with him. That wasn’t necessarily something he needed to know but for some reason you thought maybe the knowledge of that would make him feel special. You wanted him to feel good.

“What made you say it now?”

You scoot your body further into your bed as you curl up into your sheets.

“I feel safe with you. I know that sounds so weird. We barely even know each other but I do…”

You listened to the soothing sound of his breath into the phone as he absorbed what you were saying.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes.”

“I can handle the asshole.” You smile when you hear him softly laugh.

“On Friday, we’re going to be spending some time at the recording studio. Do you want come by and listen to us play?”

“I would love to but I have to work Friday night.”

“How about you come by in the afternoon and then go to work? Are you…um…”

“No, side business Friday. I’ll just be dancing.”

“Ok, cool. Maybe when we’re done, I can meet up with you after.”

“Eddie…I like you a lot but are you sure you want to do this? I strip and I have sex for money. I’m not proud of it but I’m not ashamed of it either. I’m doing what I have to do right now.”

He was silent for a moment as he thought about what you were saying.

“Y/N, I’m not perfect. I’ve been arrested, gotten into fights with paparazzi, and like I said I can be a bit of an asshole. I like you a lot to but I understand that this is all new. You and I lead interesting lives. I’m not…going to harp on you and I’m not going to, I don’t know, offer to fucking save you or whatever other douchebags say.” You laugh making him smile. “But I would like to take care of you…physically, mentally, emotionally…financially.”

“I don’t know how to give up control like that.”

The way you say that makes him want to scoop you up in his arms and cradle you into his chest.

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“No, not tomorrow.”

“Can I come over so we can talk? We’re doing this stupid photoshoot thing but I can come over after and bring some food. Of course, only if you’re comfortable. That’s all that really matters to me, baby girl. I want you to be comfortable.”

You don’t know why but you believed him when he said it. What was it about this man that had you breaking all your normal rules? Not just rules with the business but in your life. You had been on your own for so long that you didn’t need nor want to become involved with someone. However, it would be nice to have someone take care of you for once…

“Okay, Daddy”

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yelenasdiary · 1 month

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Oh a shy Yelena who doesn't want to admit her feelings?

Drabble || I'm Listening

Pairing: Yelena Belova x GN! Reader

Summary: Yelena's feelings for you grow bigger every day, but she isn't sure how to tell you how she feels.

Fluff, Tiny Angst

Warnings: This is not proof read or corrected | K

AC: Thank you for sending this!! I miss my shy little assassin! I hope you enjoy x

Each day got harder and harder for the blonde to act as if her growing feelings for you weren’t starting to get in the way of her day-to-day life. She couldn’t believe the hold you had on her, everything she ever knew, all her training never prepared her for you.

No power she had ever known had the strength your smile had, no diamond in the world sparkled brighter than your eyes and not even her favourite song could compare to the sound of your laugh. It has taken many months for Yelena to understand her feelings for you, but she was still too shy to act on them.

“You coming for a run, Belova?” You asked, snapping Yelena out of her day dreaming. She shook her head, “I have other things to do, sorry. Maybe another time” She replied before quickly making her way out of the room, her heart beating faster than before when you had walked in.

Her recent behaviour concerned you, she was distant towards you, skipping out on plans or giving you poor excuses to avoid hanging out with you one on one. You assumed that maybe she had just been going through something and believed she’d come to you if she was ready.

You weren’t the only one who picked up on the blondes recent behaviour, Natasha from a distance quickly saw the shift in her sister and was smart enough to put two and two together. Although Yelena had never gone to Nat about her feelings for other people, mainly when she had discovered something of interest to her and wanted to share it with her sister.

“How long are you doing to brush them off” Natasha asked, interrupting Yelena’s focus on sharpening her combat knife.

“What are you talking about?” Yelena looked up at the red head. Natasha smirked, “you know what I’m talking about sestra”

“No, I don’t” Yelena replied rather bluntly.

“Y/n. You’ve been brushing them off for weeks now” Natasha spoke, taking a seat across from YelenaMs work bench. Yelena’s eyes drop back to the weapon in her hands, trying to ignore the warm feeling her cheeks suddenly had. “I’ve been busy” the Russian mumbled.

“Yeah? How many times have you cleaned and sharpened those knives? Or how many new modifications have you been experimenting on your widow bites?” Natasha teased. Yelena’s secret was clearly known to her older sister.

Yelena sighed heavily, “what do you want Natasha?” She asked in an irritated tone.

“Hey, I’m wouldn’t be your caring sestra if I didn’t tease you about these things” Natasha playfully smirk. “Any reason you haven’t told them how you feel?” She asked.

“Ha! What makes you think somebody like them would want somebody like me? I’m damaged goods and they don’t need that” Yelena replied, showing more of her insecurities to Natasha than she realised.

“We’re all damaged goods around here if you think about it. You’re scared yeah? Worried of rejection?”

Yelena looked up at her sister once more, “I’ve never been in this situation before. I’ve never had feelings like this and I don’t want to look like a stupid fool telling them” she confessed.

“But what if you’re missing out on something good?" Natasha pointed out, "if there is anything I have learnt it's that we let too many good things slip through our fingers because we believe we don't deserve them. You deserve to be happy Yelena & if Y/n makes you happy, I think you should go for it and tell them how you feel" she added.

Yelena nodded lightly as she let Nat's words sink in, what if she was missing out on something amazing because she was too shy and nervous to tell you how she really felt? Her eyes dropped to the knife in her hands once more, "don't overthink it, okay?" Natasha said before leaving the room.

Later the day, Yelena seen you sitting under a big oak tree outside reading a book that Wanda had lent you. Natasha's advise circle around in her mind as she slowly walked up too you hoping not to startle you but you heard her coming, her footsteps crunching the leafs on the ground. You looked up and smiled softly at her, "hey there, wanna join me? The fresh air is refreshing" you spoke.

"Uh, sure" Yelena smile as she sat down beside you.

There was a moment of silence, the birds sung as the wind floated by. "So, what's been on your mind Belova? you haven't really been yourself recently" you spoke, looking over to her. She took a deep breath, "well, actually...there's something I need to talk to you about" she replied.

"Go ahead" you smiled softly to comfort her, "I'm listening" you added.

If you want to be on the taglist for my work, please click HERE.

#yelenasdiary asks #anon #fanfiction #marvel #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader

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linghxr · 4 months

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My 2023 in Mandopop/Chinese music (update & recs)

It’s been too long since I last shared some music recommendations/updates on what I’m listening to! Admittedly, I haven’t been discovering as many new artists because I’m busy listening to 薛之谦 on repeat. But we'll focus on the new.

You can check out my Spotify playlist featuring these songs (plus bonus ones). In addition, I’ve included YouTube links below.

五月天 / Mayday 五月天 is a legendary band, so of course I knew of them and had heard a few of their songs over the years. But I never proactively sought out their music until recently. I still haven’t had time to dive into their back catalog, but I’ve already found some songs I really love.

《我又初恋了》 I actually really didn’t like this song the first time I heard it, but it wormed its way into my brain. It’s just a lot of fun! Non-serious songs can be good too.

《转眼》 My favorite 五月天 song <3. I’m probably too young to fully appreciate the lyrics, but they make me feel so nostalgic and bittersweet, like transitioning to a new chapter of life and leaving the old behind.

《因为你所以我》 This song didn’t stand out to me at first, but it grew on me! I caught myself humming it a lot. It‘s kind of corny, but it sounds so full of hope.

陈奕迅 / Eason Chan I first started listening to 陈奕迅 a couple years ago after my Album a Day August challenge, but I’ve found that his music has grown on me over time. I believe I’ve only mentioned him once before, so I thought now was a good time to highlight my favorite of his songs.

《之外》 This is probably my favorite 陈奕迅 song. The lyrics convey a sense of hopelessness, but the overall song has a smooth, light sound.

《娱乐天空》 You know a song is good when it’s over 6 minutes long but feels like it flies by! It makes me want to get up, get moving, and be productive.

《烟味》 This song is dramatic, and I love it for that. Also has a hint of orchestral flavor.

《淘汰》 One of 陈奕迅’s most well-known songs—for a good reason. It has big Cpop ballad vibes but is definitely livelier.

白举纲 / Bai Jugang You’re going to notice several mentions of 披荆斩棘 in this post. That’s where I “met” 白举纲. I instantly liked his voice and loved seeing him with his “brother” 高瀚宇 and “dad” 张晋! You may also see his music under his English name, Pax Congo.

《被动失控》 This is the only song on the list you could headbang to.

《Shy Boy》 I love this song because it’s cute and includes a children’s rhyme that I learned as a kid: 找啊找啊找朋友找到一个好朋友.

苏诗丁 / Su Shiding At some point last year I did a one-month free trial of Apple Music. It was an interesting experience because the recommendations were very different from what Spotify tends to show me. I’m glad Apple Music led me to 苏诗丁!

《LUCIFER（傲慢宗罪）》 All I can say is that this song exudes coolness and confidence. It also has a fair bit of English, but honestly I had to look up the lyrics to tell what some of it was.

《梦幻病》 This song is from the same album. It’s dreamlike but gets more frantic as it builds. Overall, it’s just a bit…unsettling.

队长 / Young Captain I learned about 队长 from a random post on Instagram about his concert in Malaysia. I think these songs might have gone viral on 抖音 or something. I was surprised I liked them so much because they both have some rap (I’m not a rap fan), but it was love at first listen.

《11》 I love how this song builds towards the end. I spend the whole song waiting for the crescendo, and it’s great payoff.

《楼顶上的小斑鸠》 This song is like the slightly mellower sibling of the one above. But I ended up liking this one even more.

金志文 / Jin Zhiwen 金志文 was another artist who Apple Music recommended to me. I definitely need to explore his discography more but haven’t had the chance to do so yet. But he has some good stuff so far!

《自娱自乐》 Smooth and relaxing but in a fun way. Simple and no-frills but will put a smile on your face!

《远走高飞》 This one feels like enjoying the breeze on a beautiful sunny day. I also enjoy the duet with 徐佳�� version.

163braces 163braces started out as a YouTuber posting song covers. I have watched a couple of her covers, but they didn’t leave much of an impression on me. I was pleasantly surprised by her foray into original music. I look forward to hearing what she does next!

《控制》 The song I would want as my “soundtrack” if I were a video game character. It’s energetic and loud.

《murmur》 Honestly this song is pretty similar to the first one. Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing them. But hey, if ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

小鬼 / Lil Ghost 小鬼 did what I can best describe as “pulling an MGK” by going from more rap to kinda pop-punk? That MGK album was my guilty pleasure when in came out, so I’m all for 小鬼’s new direction.

《Last Day》 This song really gave me MGK vibes. It’s about half in English, but I often don't even notice when he switches between languages.

《不良少年》 I just know I would have loved this song so much in high school. It’s an angsty teen anthem.

《为明天写封信》 I can totally imagine this song playing at the end of a 2000s teen movie! Maybe while showing a montage of the main characters graduating.

《无所求必满载而归》 by 陈粒 / Chen Li This is technically cheating because I have recommended 陈粒 songs before, but it was at least a couple years ago. I heard this song covered on 披荆斩棘的哥哥 and immediately looked up the original. Honestly I should have known it was a 陈粒 song because you can totally tell it’s her style.

《轻红》 by 曹杨 / Young I keep coming back to this song! It’s from a drama soundtrack. I was super surprised the first time I listened to it because I thought it was going to be a typical ballad based on the first ~45 seconds or so—it wasn’t. There is also another version by 陈雪燃 (the king of cdrama OSTs). But I actually prefer the 曹杨 version.

《时光机》 by 吴克群 / Kenji Wu I was introduced to 吴克群 via 披荆斩棘2. He was instantly one of my favorite contestants after his team’s amazing 《新地球》 performance (check it out). This song is bouncy and a little dreamy. I kinda want to hear a remix with Harry Styles’ As It Was. I just wish it were longer than 3 minutes!

My Spotify Wrapped

I have a tradition of sharing my Spotify Wrapped, and I wanted to continue the streak in some form. So here's a quick rundown.

Top genre: 华语流行音乐 Representative city: Taipei Minutes: 21,750

Top artists

薛之谦 / Xue Zhiqian

林宥嘉 / Yoga Lin

五月天 / Mayday

李荣浩 / Li Ronghao

陈奕迅 / Eason Chan

Top songs

《木偶人》 - 薛之谦

《狐狸》 - 薛之谦

《骆驼》 - 薛之谦

《转眼》 - 五月天

《后来的我们》 - 五月天

Also, fellow Mandopop fans should check out the Mando Gap newsletter. I stumbled upon it this year, and I know it’s going to be a great resource for discovering new artists in 2024!

#chinese music recs #cpop #c-pop #c pop #mandopop #chinese music #chinese #mandarin #mandarin chinese #chinese language #studyblr #langblr #learning languages #language learning #chinese langblr #mandarin langblr #languageblr

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neoflect · 4 days

Text

sharing some of my disorganized jojo musical thoughts now that ive had a week to sit on it and ive rewatched it several times over. i intended to wait to publish something like this until a subtitled version was available, but im not seeing any indication that thats happening any time soon so for now youll have to deal with my loose interpretations from my extremely rudimentary and rusty japanese… so take what i have to say about the finer points of characterization with a grain of salt. gratuitous spoilers below obviously, both for the original source material and the changes made in the stage production

my feelings are OVERWHELMINGLY positive. of course there are things i can criticize or that i would have personally done differently but oh man… i have literally not thought about anything besides this fucking show for a week. im 100% confident in saying this is a better adaptation of the source material than the tv anime. sorry to the davidpro staff, i respect their hard work and their love for jojo and their dedication to what is by any metric a pretty difficult property to adapt off of the page, but i dont know if i can ever forgive them for leaving half of the first episode’s storyboard on the cutting room floor in order to fit a standard half-hour tv slot, especially considering that what they cut is some of the really crucial character-building stuff. happily those scenes are not only reproduced in the stage version, some of them are expanded upon!

with the quick disclaimer that i’ve only managed to get my hands on the final 4/14 performance with shotaro arisawa and yoshihisa higashiyama, from what i’ve seen the casting is perfect. i’m sure there’s a rip of the 4/13 performance somewhere (i’ve seen clips) but i haven’t been able to find one… every single performer knocks it out of the fucking park, the cast chemistry is incredible and even the minor characters are loaded with charisma. and mamoru miyano… my god… mamoru miyano i owe you an apology. i was not familiar with your game. of course hes been killing it for decades at this point but i had soured on him a little bit recently because i felt like he was overcast in everything and i just didnt connect with his dnt reinhard at all, so when the casting was initially announced back in august i was underwhelmed, and of course my standards for the dio role in particular were astronomically high… i’ll go more into detail later in the post because i have so so many things to say about dio’s characterization here but mamoru miyano’s performance is like, life-changing. i had impossible expectations and he exceeded them.

sorry if im gushing. i am a hater by nature. its unusual for me to be so thoroughly pleased with something. im not even a musical theater guy. these are strange new feelings for me.

just to balance things out i’ll talk about a couple of the things that didn’t really work for me: first of all, the music is just ok. my initial draft of this post called the music “bad” but three additional viewings later i have warmed up to some of the songs. i don’t know if this is a shortcoming by dove attia as the composer or if it’s just me, as i said i’m not a musical guy and a lot of the genre conventions of musical theatre are not really the things i look for in music that i enjoy, but like… even at their worst they are serviceable. nothing here is sonically unpleasant to me. high points are “resolve of the ripple” (zeppeli’s hamon training song, a jazzy swing number - it’s simply catchy and fun to listen to) and the closer “phantom blood” (a sweeping ballad that reprises the earlier “light and darkness”/”golden spirit” leitmotifs into an epic duet between jonathan and dio as they join hands and walk off into the darkness together… made me cry! i wont lie! on every single one of my numerous viewings this one got me misty eyed!)

wait i forgot this is supposed to be the part where i’m being critical. ok my most loathed song in the musical is “dio’s world”. sorry dio nation. it doesn’t really work for me. i think this might be a case of my standards/expectations being too impossibly high because it’s not even really the worst song in the whole thing. and of course miyano eats it up so it’s not really his fault. i just find it kind of underwhelming… i find the melody a little grating, it’s kind of just a generic rock number, it’s just missing a particular je ne sais quoi…. the essence of dio isn’t there… lyrically though i am obsessed with the premise of dio recruiting his minions by selling himself as a kind of social revolutionary who is upending and inverting the brutal hierarchy of post-industrial victorian society with zombie blood magic. you win some you lose some.

the second sticking point for me is the costumes. they’re perfectly serviceable… adequate… but i mean when it comes to jojo “serviceable” and “adequate” costume design obviously falls well below what’s expected, right? a lot of the outfits have kind of a boxy, almost flat-looking kind of unflattering fit on the actors, which if i wanted to be generous i could attribute to the challenge of bridging the gap between these frail slender musical theater twinks and the two-meter-tall 250lb roided-out beefcakes theyre meant to be embodying. (bearing this discrepancy in mind a lot of the insane martial arts stuff in the second act doesn’t really land with the oomph that it should, but i also understand logistically why this kind of casting is not practical, and all things considered i think shotaro arisawa does a really incredible job of embodying jonathan joestar even though he kind of looks like i could snap him in half over my knee like a twig. he’s very cute. so i’m not mad about it.) of course, again, logistically, i understand that in a stage musical production, where actors only have minutes to complete costume changes, some sacrifices have to be made to the creative vision in the name of practicality. nevertheless this is jojos bizarre adventure!! i want to see some fucking baubles!!!!!!

which is all to say that… after carefully considering it for some weeks… i still have extremely mixed feelings about dio’s grink ass feather bathrobe look. it’s not that i dont think its something he could wear (the concept of dio lounging around in his gothic vampire palace doing re-animator style body horror experiments on the local wildlife in this “officer i have no idea what happened to my husband”-ass nightgown is nothing short of hysterical to me) but then he wears it into combat and i felt a little disappointed… it has the same unflattering fit issue as the other outfits in the show, and it is just such an un-araki-like design… where are the gaudy color combinations? the bizarre geometric patterns? the tease of an exposed boob/thigh/midriff? erina gets a stage-original dress design that i have fewer issues with because the excessive pleats and ruffles have more of an araki-esque sensibility, but every time i look at dio’s robe it feels like there’s something missing. i’m going to choose to be nice about it because it’s not at all a deal breaker and, again, mamoru miyano devours the look. it’s fine. it’s always fun to have a new dio outfit. if anything, the fact that the blu-rays are being marketed as “2024 cast version” gives me hope for the possibility of a future production with a new vision for the costume design. (although the fact that this was such a difficult production - with stunts and pyrotechnics and moving setpieces - that its entire first week was cancelled indicates to me that the prospects for a future production from a different company are impossibly slim. i guess there’s always hope?)

in terms of the writing and the changes that were made from the original narrative, honestly i don’t really have an issue with anything that was cut. sorry if there are any diehard stans of Poco’s Unnamed Sister out there who are steamed that their favorite minor late phantom blood character got the axe, i kind of understand how you feel because i’ve been malding over david pro cutting the Danny Lore for eleven years, but i think it was the right choice and the story flows so much better. the real juicy meat at the core of phantom blood as a narrative and the thing that brings it head and shoulders above so much of the rest of jjba is the character-driven drama - that deliciously pulpy victorian gothic family tragedy - and the relationship between jonathan and dio. the musical beefs up the character drama and slims down the action-driven second half by trimming out the extraneous battles. the only real downside i see to this is that the absence of tompetty and his prophecy makes zeppeli’s arc and death feel INSANELY abrupt, but tbf that’s not a deal breaker for me. sorry zeppeli. you were born to die.

okay. okay. i think 1500 words into the post is enough fucking around so let’s talk about the real reason why you and i both know we’re here

musical dio is SO fucking sad. he’s positively wretched, you guys. he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and forced to eat cement when he was six. he cries even more than he does in the source material and even when he’s not crying he frequently delivers his lines as though he is moments away from bursting into tears. back when the musical first opened i was snooping on the reactions on jpn twitter and one commenter said they could see miyano’s tears and snot from the nosebleeds even without opera glasses, a remark i initially assumed was hyperbole but that i now think probably was not. araki’s dio is certainly tortured and a deeply pathetic crybaby beneath all the cruelty and posturing, but changes in the musical and miyano’s embodiment of the character bring this pathos to the fore. he is literally haunted: dario’s ghost lingers, a manifestation of all of dio’s traumas and insecurities that emerges from the recesses of his memory to taunt him with the reminder that he will always be his father’s son, all the way up until the very minute that jonathan breaks down the door to his vampire lair. i am OBSESSED with this - not only for the obvious reason that i delight in dio’s suffering personally but also because kong kuwata is a delight and he fucking kills it every time. also lends itself to a category 10 leitmotif moment at the top of the second act when dio emerges from the charred ruins of the joestar estate singing dario’s theme and calling out to jonathan - if i had to pinpoint this is probably the moment when this musical stuck for me as the Real Deal. they Get It.

the first solo number in the show is dio’s disney princess I Want song (amazingly, simply titled “dio”) where he weeps for his late mother and his wretched lot in life, and then - in a creative decision that made me clap my hands and hoot and holler at my screen in real life - there is a reprise of this number (delivered, naturally, through tears) when dio is almost arrested for murder and decides to become a vampire instead. so there’s this amazing hopeful uplifting inspirational orchestral music accompanying the onstage action of dio ruthlessly slaying jonathan’s dad and then getting pumped full of lead by a bunch of cops. it is brilliant. 10/10 no notes. it’s moments like this that i think really sell the “softening” of dio in the stage version for me, even though i am historically Not A Fan of fanworks that take a similar angle - like, yes, he is sad, but specifically he is narcissistically obsessed with the spectacle of his own suffering, he is boiling over with bitterness and rage for everyone around him who (by his own estimation) could never hope to have suffered as much as he has. this sensitivity and self-pity he wallows in are not expressions of a guilty conscience or a desire to change - they’re entirely the opposite - every cruel and monstrous deed dio commits is always justified to himself because he is simply the saddest little boy who has ever existed. he has been done wrong by the world and so there is no limit to the depravity he may reasonably respond with. i’ve seen several commenters describe this as a drastically different interpretation of the character from araki’s dio (and someone told me on twitter that mamoru miyano himself has also said this, but i cba to go digging for an actual source so take it with a grain of salt?), but i… dont think thats the case! dio’s obsession with his own weakness and his self-perception as the eternal underdog (as compared to jonathan) are certainly more exaggerated in miyano’s performance, but i don’t think this is an angle to the character that’s been manufactured out of whole cloth. the genre conventions of the stage musical force the melodrama up to eleven and dio’s incredibly repressed angst is the most rich vein to mine for that. hair-trigger sadist dio is still here, it’s the same guy, he’s still killing people mercilessly, you’re just getting to see him sing a big ballad about his feelings instead of confining those to an internal monologue.

if anything, the exaggeration of dio’s pathetic/cowardly/crybaby traits combined with his megalomaniacal aspirations and bottomless well of cruelty is just right. it’s perfect. fucking around, finding out, and then trying to weasel his way out of the consequences with crocodile tears just so you don’t see him drawing his knife to cut you clean open… yeah. thats the stuff. thats my one true blorbo. sad to say i will love him for ten thousand years.

i think that might be all i have to say… or at least all i feel like saying here… most likely ill come back and edit this post later. i certainly have some additional thoughts and some more esoteric/controversial takes but they’re not suited for a public blog. real ones will understand. im keeping my eyes peeled for somebody to translate this thing but to be frank i am kind of enjoying this little corner of fandom as it is right now: just the asians and the true hardcore phantom blood phreaks. i have not had this much fun in jojo fandom in almost a fucking decade. as soon as somebody publishes an english version my timelines going to get flooded with all the most deeply annoying “kono dio da” “speedwagon waifu” reddit guys and 15 year olds and my suffering will proceed. unfortunately this is my lot in life and i am doomed to be here forever because dio put a worm in my brain

#⚰️#jjba tag for blacklisting purposes but i dont want this in the main tag

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strniohoeee · 6 months

Note

chris founding out reader faked an orgasm w/ him and asking her why she didn't tell him

Feigned

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N has been so stressed and anxious lately that she can’t focus on having an orgasm. When she runs to her best friend for advice there’s some listening ears….👥

Warnings⚠️: Mentions of sex

Song for the imagine: Hold Tight- Justin Bieber

Sex with Chris was always amazing, I mean it was INSANE. He could either tear my shit up, or be so loving and focused on my pleasure

But lately I haven’t been able to orgasm with Chris, and it wasn’t anything pertaining to him….or was it?

I was struggling badly to cum, I was wet and I enjoyed the sex, but I simply could not focus to allow myself to cum.

The past 3 times we’ve had sex I faked my orgasm, and I felt so bad that I couldn’t tell Chris. I truly didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or make him feel incompetent. This was my own problem.

Lately I had been so stressed with work, and creating content, and helping Chris and his brothers. I know that sex is supposed to help with stress, but my mind was always racing a million miles a minute. My thoughts were racing so much I couldn’t even relax to have an orgasm

I was alone at the triplets house. I finally had a day off, and they were filming, so I decided to spend the day truly relaxing

My best friend from back home had FaceTimed me, and I decided to seek advice from her

“Sophia I’m not sure what’s going on, but like I can’t cum” I told her

“Alone or with Chris?” She asked me

“With Chris. Like the sex is so amazing, but I can not cum for the life of me” I told her frowning a little bit

“Are you relaxed and in the zone when y’all fuck?” She asked bluntly

“I thought I was, I mean I’ve been so stressed with everything that I knew sex would help relieve it, but my brain is always on go I can’t even relax to orgasm” I told her

“You should try meditating before you guys have sex. Relax all your muscles and your brain, so you can enjoy it” she told me

“Yeah that’s true! I tried to shower and decompress, and watch some tv before him and I would have sex” I told her

“Yeah that’s not enough. You have to truly unwind, you’re so anxious your brain can’t focus on orgasming because it’s focusing on 30 different things at once” she said

“God you’re right. I feel so bad I’ve been faking it” I said to her

“How many times did you fake?” She asked me

“The last 3 times” I told her

“3 times? I think you should-“ all of a sudden she stopped talking and her eyes grew wide, I looked at my reflection in the camera and saw Chris standing behind me…SHIT

“I’ll call you later” she said before immediately hanging up on me

“Heyyy baby….when did you get in?” I asked closing my laptop screen

“About 2 minutes ago” he responded with no facial expressions

“Oh….” I said just looking at him

“The last 3 times huh? When were you going to tell me” he asked

“Listen it’s not you it’s me, and I didn’t want to hurt you” I told him

“You wouldn’t hurt me….it hurts actually that you kept this from me. I could’ve helped you” he said

“I’m sorry baby, I just have been so stressed and anxious that I couldn’t bring myself to focus on cumming” I told him

“Did you not enjoy the sex?” He asked

“No! I loved the sex it’s amazing. Its literally my brain just focusing on too many things at once” I said to him

“You should’ve told me, I would’ve helped you. We could’ve meditated together or done something else that would’ve relaxed you, and put you in the mood” he said

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. We should try tonight…meditating and then having sex” I said biting my lip

“You know I’m always down for sex pretty lady” he said licking his lips before leaning in to kiss me

The End

Hope yall liked this one🤭, and whoever requested this I also hope you liked it🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year

Text

Until Forever -P.G

The long awaited second part of "SINCE FOREVER" is here now! HOPE YOU LIKE THIS, FEEDBACK IS APPREACIATED!

Read part 3 here!

Songs I listened to: Me, Myself and I - 5SOS, Lie To Me - 5SOS, Forever - Lewis Capaldi, Bruises - Lewis Capaldi, I Love You - Little Mix, Nobody Like You - Little Mix, Only You - Little Mix, What I Put You Through - Conor Maynard, Over Again - One Direction, De Marzo a Junio - Gonza Silva, All In - Here at Last, Airplanes - B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams, Impossible - Shontelle, Diamonds - Rihanna, Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood, Yellow - Coldplay, Too Good At Goodbyes - Sam Smith and Sin Señal - Quevedo.

Warnings: Angst, the long lenght this fic has is killing☠️... Part 3?

Summary: You are moving on from your mistake meanwhile Pablo is realizing his own.

January, 2023

It has been four months since that day. Four months which you haven’t seen Pablo. Four months of misery for you. And also for him.

When you left his apartment that day, a sickening feeling got into his stomach and it didn’t go away with anything he tried, his hands were shaking and his mind was running wild. He couldn’t concentrate on anything besides you, your confession, your sad expression and your leaving.

He knew that you asked him for time. But he couldn’t give that to you. He wanted you to know he still had you present in his life and hoping that you had him on yours too. And you sadly did.

You were absolutely a wreck for the first month. Not going outside unless it was for grocery shopping and Uni. Until the second month arrived.

Pedri, who had been your personal cheerleader, picked you up one day, got you a nice outfit and made you get in it, for you to go out with him in a friendly date where Ansu and Balde, joined you and ate everything they normally couldn’t or wouldn’t, because of their diet, but they decided than seeing you happy and like your old self was worth some calories more.

He even made you change Gavi’s contact name on your phone, to help your process get quicker and made you forget about his constant texting.

From that moment on, you started going out, you missed having a good time with the people you loved, with your friends and family, and not necessarily accompanied of Pedri, you went out with your girl friends, you Uni group, groups from other degrees at your Uni that you were close with. You were back.

Of course, you missed him. Terribly. Often at nights, you would scroll down on his messages and see what updates he has been giving you

Pablo Páez Ansu fell on his butt today, you would’ve laughed your ass off

Pablo Páez I made a happy salad *Photo* I hope you’re doing good, I’ve been better…

Pablo Páez Xavi keeps asking for you to tie my shoelaces, he keeps saying I don’t know how to do them

Pablo Páez Practice went well

Pablo Páez I just ate a kilo of bananas. I won’t die, right?

Pablo Páez It’ll sound impressive but I just won Pedri on FIFA. Your gaming lessons paid off Now, I have to try and win you. He told me you were doing fine and I’m glad. I can’t wait for us to reconnect again

Pablo Páez De Jong said he missed having you around on practice I agreeded with him

Pablo Páez Pedri just ate his banana from the bottom to the top, you’re gonna kill him?

And many more of those but still, you choosed not to reply any of them, only really “talking” to him when the World Cup started, when he scored his first goal during it and when they lost against Morocco also you had texted him on Christmas and New Years.

Other times? You were ghosting him.

It was hell for him.

The first month of you doing that, for Pablo it was horrible. He couldn’t concentrate at practices; he messed up great plays, the passes weren’t precise, at games he was angrier and aggressive than usual, he wanted desperately for you to talk to him, Pedri tried to talk him out of it but the youngster snapped at his best male friend. Only to come back to him a few minutes later apologizing.

Pablo thought that with time he could get over it, but no. Four months after and you were still on his mind and the anxious feeling was bigger and bigger on his chest.

He started to realize something, he felt awful, destroyed, sad and was mad at himself, he cried and cried to sleep that day for being too stupid and idiot to realize it

Yes, during WC, he had mastered a way of concentrating at practices and games but you were still on his mind. Always.

He was extremely angry, disappointed and sad to hear that you wouldn’t be there with him at his first WC, but still understood, already imagining the rest of his performances where you would be there cheering on for him and only him, the loudest as you have always have done.

In your defense, you did try your best but Uni got up to you and you weren’t done by the time it started, you couldn’t leave Spain even if you tried your best.

But, you haven’t properly seen each other since that day. And it was the first time you were going to. In Arabia Saudi for La Supercopa España, the Clásico. Barcelona vs. Madrid.

Pedri had invited you to come and you being a culer and the greatest friend, didn’t waste any time and asked permission from your parents to fly with the González.

“Is Samuel coming too?” Pedri asked with a cheeky smile

“¡Cállate!” He laughed seeing you blush

Samuel, is one of the guys that attends to your Uni but he’s doing a different degree than yours. During the last weeks of November and the first’s ones of December he had been asking you to hang out alone and you accepted. You definitely liked him.

He was cute, really cute and pretty. He had light green eye color, he was one head taller than you, blonde wavy haired and he had the most beautiful dimples at both sides of his smile; he was careful, paid attention to your needs, to whatever you were saying and remembered the smallest things you said randomly, he was funny and he never failed to amaze you.

But still, he wasn’t Pablo.

“Pedri, no lo sé” You had said

“This is your chance. It’s not like you might end up married to him anyway! Or you will… Who knows? Don't take it as a rebound kind-of thing. But maybe you can forget about Pablo, reconnect your friendship and at the same time have a lovely relationship with a guy who’s clearly into you”

And that’s how you started dating Samuel. And that’s also how you got into the present day.

“But you know he will” You spoke

“Gotta start making up the whole ‘Older-brother’ talk thing”

“Please, don’t scare him away. He’s really nice, I like him” You immediately said making Pedri laugh out loud while shaking his head a little. When a message pulled up in your screen.

Pablo Páez Are you coming to the Supercopa España? I know we aren’t in the best terms but I would love to see my favorite girl cheering for me on a live game… It’s been a while since you’ve done that.

“What’s up?”

“Pablo’s asking me if I’m going to the Supercopa” You said showing the message to Pedri who had been playing FIFA with you for about an hour ago

Pedri shrugged his shoulders “You wanna tell him?”

“I wanna surprise him” Silence filled the room

“You know even if he tries to hide it” Pedri started “, he’s not doing fine. He misses you a lot. A whole lot” You sighed

“I miss him too” You nodded sadly “I shouldn’t have said anything”

“No. You should have and you did. Feelings are the best when they’re being let out”

“But at what cost? I ruined my friendship with him and it’s not something you can easily go at it again. It’ll take me so much time to forget about those feelings I have for Pablo, Pedri. Maybe he feels guilty, awkward, I don't know... It’ll take a lot of time of being at that level we were once. You know it. I know it. Hell, even Pablo knows it. But it’s too hard being all in one day and suddenly stop being there”

“But you will do” Pedri said putting a hand on your thigh “I fully believe you will get, both of you, your feelings straight and keep on with that beautiful friendship you both have” Pedri nodded smiling lightly “I still think he’s in love with you but hasn’t realized”

“I still don’t think he is but who cares now?” You shrugged your shoulders

“I’m just afraid he’ll realize it when it’s too late to try anything” Your eyes moved to Pedri’s as you both stared at each other in silence

“If” You start pausing to take a deep breath “If he does have feelings for me” You said slowly “I hope he realizes them quickly” Your phone dinged once more making you part your eyes from Pedri

A light smile made its way to your face seeing Samuel’s name pop up on your screen

Samu✨💖 Walking down the street, I saw a cute puppy. It reminded me of Aladdin, hope he’s feeling better. PS: I got him some treats for tomorrow when I see him. And don’t worry, I also got you a little present, couldn’t forget about you.

You sighed watching those two names on your home screen “Because I’m really liking Samuel and it’ll be hard for Pablo if I move on”

“Hard as in?”

“As in completely erasing myself from his life for a long and indeterminate amount of time, until I’m entirely happy and healed” Your eyes locked with Pedri’s as both of you sighed

“Do whatever you feel better doing, bonita” Pedri said slowly and in a low tone “Just know I’m gonna be here for you, always”

________

“Y/N!” Belén, Pablo’s mom said making you turn your head towards her with a smile on your face

“Belén!” You exclaimed happy to see the olderly woman approaching her to hug her tightly

“¡Que te has desaparecido, niña!” (It’s been a while, baby!) You laughed lightly

“I know” You whine “Y lo siento muchísimo. Es que he estado un poco ocupada con mis cosas en la Uni, Pablo ha estado ocupado en los entrenos y no hemos tenido mucho tiempo juntos desde hace un tiempito” (And I’m truly sorry. I’ve been so busy with College, Pablo has been busy with trainings and we haven’t spend time together in a while) You tried to come up with a little lie but you knew better

“I know that. Pablo told me what happened” You sighed a little “It must have been really hard for you, my dear”

“A lot” You whispered sadly “I just thought… For a second, he would feel the same”

“We thought so too. You acted like a couple. Pablo, Aurora and I actually thought you were already together” You smiled sadly at the thought of that “How’d you handled it?”

“Pretty bad in the first month but Pedri dragged me out of my house and I’ve slowly come back into what I was” She smiled grabbing your hand “And Pablito?”

She sighed “I think Pedri must have told you, hadn’t he?” You nodded lightly “He still isn’t taking it too well. Sometimes I catch him looking through your photos together” You sighed feeling bad for your best friend “He was way too moody during the World Cup”

“I can only imagine” You both laughed lightly “I was busy with Uni, it wasn’t a lie” You began “… But I also wasn’t ready to face him; I mean… I’m barely starting to get over him with a very few baby steps. Pedri invited me but I came here to surprise him actually, he doesn’t know I’m here, I told him I would try and do my best to come and I can sense he got angry at me. I have never missed one of his matches and to miss all these…”

“It took a toll on him” She ended as you nod lightly

“I do miss him a lot and besides everything I don’t want him to think we’re done. Because we aren’t. I just need myself time” You explained “And I wanna start making things right, he doesn’t love me” You said laughing without humor “And I’ve got to accept that even if I don’t like to. But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop being there for him. And I’m here to prove that to him. I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend but I’m not quitting on our friendship”

Belén said nothing but hug you tightly “Pablo does love you, dear”

“Not in the way I would love him to”

“There’s no one better for him than you” You shook your head disagreeing with her

“I’m not his person, Belén” And with that you broke the hug

“He hasn’t realized”

You were tired of hearing that.

“And I don’t think he will because I’m just not it for him. I cannot force him. He may be sad at the fact I was in love with him, that he broke me unconsciously and that he might lose me as his best friend but he doesn’t see me like that”

“Y/N” She began when you felt an arm wrap around your waist, you turn around to face Samuel with two water bottles

“Me he perdido de regreso. Todo se ve azul, rojo y blanco” (I got lost on my way back. Everything is blue, red and white colors) You laugh lightly accepting the water

“Thank you so much, Samu” You kissed his cheek, right on where his dimples show making him, pull you closer to him.

“Disculpa, ¿Interrumpí algo?” (I’m sorry, I interrupted something?) He asked feeling a bit guilty

You turned to Belén who was looking at you with a light smile.

“Not at all, hijo” She said

“Samu, she’s Belén, my best friend’s mom” You introduced her taking a deep breath “Belén, he’s Samuel Carnevale, my boyfriend” You watched at how her face fell a bit but quickly covered it up

“Nice to meet you, miss”

“Igualmente cariño” (Likewise, dear) She said slowly nodding

“Y/I, want me to save you the seat?” You nod eagerly to hear Belén’s thoughts

“He looks like a nice lad” She said when he left you again, you nod

“He is” You mumble

“I’m happy you’re moving on” She said, you felt relieved to hear those words “Still a bit sad I’m not going to be your mom-in-law” She laughed lightly as you smiled without showing your teeth

“She can still marry me” You heard Aurora say from behind her mom’s back

“When’s the wedding?” You replied watching them laugh. Aurora stepped over to hug you as you hugged her back tightly

“My brother is stupid”

“Don’t say that” You defended him “It’s not his fault” You shrugged your shoulders letting go of her

“He seems like a nice guy” She looked over at Samuel who was laughing with Fernando, Pedri’s older brother

“He is” You nodded with a smile

“I hope everything works out for you, Y/I” Aurora said “And hopefully we’ll see you more around in the house. Pablo isn’t the only one who misses you”

“I’ll try, cariño” You said gripping her arm a bit “It was lovely seeing you again, we must hang out later” You say ready to go. Both of them nodded hugging you once more

And with that you walked back towards Sam and Fer, feeling all kind of emotions thanks to their words and making up something in your mind for when you see Pablo.

You couldn’t keep on with your thoughts because the game had started, the tension was feeling in the air, it was the final of La Supercopa, both teams wanted to win it and only one could be the one who raised it and proclaiming the champion title. And you wanted so badly to be Barcelona that one

Robert had the ball on his feet, he was dribbling among the players and into the penalty section of the Madrid, when he passed the ball to Gavi who hit it and the ball went inside the net. A roar of cheers, applauses and screams were heard across the stadium, the Barcelona fans cheering in happiness as they took the lead on the board.

Gavi grabbed his shirt and kissed it, his signature celebration, his teammates went over to him and cheered with him, Pedri high fived him and hugged him and he must have told him something because after their hug Gavi’s eyes dance across the stadium until they landed on you.

His smile grew bigger and blew you a kiss while pointing at you, he also went ahead and did your initial. You smiled clapping and cheering louder for him.

At minute 45, Robert scored once more with an assist of Gavi and in the second time at minute 69, Pedri scored with the board on 3 for them and 0 for Madrid. The final result was 1-3, meaning Barcelona had won.

The player’s family went down, you shyly made your way towards the pitch as well but feeling extremely proud for your boys.

The first one you saw was Ansu and you threw yourself at him, laughing and cheering on the win for a few seconds before you saw Balde, Araujo and Lewy, you congratulated them as well.

When you saw Pedri, he opened his arms and you ran towards him

“¡YO SABÍA QUE GANARÍAN!” (I knew you guys would win) You yelled in excitement as Pedri hugged you tightly “You did it and I’m so proud of you” You kissed his sweaty cheek several times as he rocked you both side to side “That goal was amazing, Pepi”

“Gracias, bonita. It felt amazing to score” You smiled widely

You hadn’t seen Pablo and you were having an intern battle of seeing him, congratulating him and at the same time not do it.

“You look really happy” Samuel said grabbing your hand in his as your eyes roamed around for Gavi

“I am happy. Not only my club won but also my best friends did. It feels like a dream come true” You said looking at him with a smile on when you turned your head you saw him, he was hugging his sister

“Go and say hello to him” Samuel said kissing your cheek “I’ll be next to you”

Letting go of Samuel’s hand, you walked until being two meters away from him, Belén saw you and pointed at Gavi to turn around, when he did, he was confused until his eyes were on you.

His expression fell a bit before he let a smile out, he turned around to walk but when you started walking too, he started jogging and soon running until, you doing the same and eventually you crashed into each other.

You couldn’t lie. It felt good being back in his arms. His strong arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his face into the crock of your neck, yours around his shoulder and giving light touches in his hair

“I’m sorry” He said whispering in your ear “I’m truly sorry” You shushed him

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You shook your head “I’m here now”

“I missed you so much” He whispered once more pulling you even closer to him, at this point you were a bit arched, with him leaning onto you; with your waist touching his, torso touching his, chest touching his and heads into the others neck.

“Don’t leave me ever again” Pablo said

“I’m not” You said pulling away a little but he didn’t moved an inch “Pabs”

“No” He shook his head “I’m truly sorry, I should-” You cut him off

“Pablo, it’s okay, I’m here now” Your hand went to the sides of his head “Look at me please” You whispered and he after a few seconds obliged, pulling his forehead into yours “I’m not leaving you”

“It felt like hell not seeing you in the stands, it felt horrible not seeing you at our trainings but it felt even worse you not talking to me at all”

“Sorry” That’s all you managed to say, you caressed his dirty stained cheeks leaning up to kiss his cheek and come back pull your forehead into his. You were looking into each other’s eyes, when you felt Pablo slowly lean in

And that’s when you felt a presence and pulled away from him

Pablo looked confused, his arms still around you while yours fell from his body.

“Hey” Samuel said smiling lightly "Tremendo juego hiciste el día de hoy. ¡Felicidades!" (Such a good game you did today. Congratulations!)

“Hola” Pablo said “Amigo, disculpa, en estos momentos estoy con mi familia disfrutando, puedo darte un autógrafo más tarde, y… ¿Podrías traerme una botella de agua?” (Mate, sorry, I’m enjoying with my family right now, I can sign something for you later, also… Would you bring me a bottle of water?)

“Él no trabaja aquí, Gavi” (He doesn’t work here, Pablo) You said untangling yourself from him

“¿Ah no? Disculpa” Pablo said smiling tightly, hand reaching up to grab yours but you crossed your arms in front of your chest “And who are you?” Pablo asked mirroring your actions but giving you a look

“Samuel, this is my best friend, Pablo Páez or better known as Pablo Gavi” You announced unlinking one of your arms to pull Samuel next to you. It was Samuel’s turn “And Pablito… This is Samuel Carnevale… My boyfriend”

At the moment you said that, you could see Pablo’s face scrunching up, he was confused and his jaw clenched, just like how it did when he was angry

“What?” Pablo asked in disbelief after a few seconds

You sighed “This is my boyfriend, Samuel Carnevale” You announced once more

“Boyfriend?” You nod repeated times

Gavi's eyes danced in between Samuel and your face, he looked for any sign of you joking with him. But found none.

This couldn't have happened to him. You had a boyfriend? Why? Why now he realized his feelings for you? Was this a kind of sick prank? If it was he wasn't liking it and wanted it to stop now.

The emotion he felt for winning the Supercopa went away when he saw you holding hands with him.

"Really?" He asked impressed trying to put on a happy face but it looked somehow as if he was in pain

And he was. Sentimentally he was.

He felt like he could cry a river to cover the whole European continent, he felt sick, his stomach felt funny, his head felt spinning and it wasn't definitely for the excitement of winning

He felt lost

"That's-" He cut himself off, he couldn't say it was good because it wasn't good but he also couldn't say it was bad because it would hurt you even more.

You'd think he was selfish. And he truly wanted to be, but not after what happened between the two of you.

Thankfully a voice pulled him out of the situation, the three of you turning your heads to see Pedri coming over

"Buenas noches!" He said grinning from ear to ear "Sorry to interrupt anything"

Please, don't be. Pablo thought

"But we need to go so they can give us the medals and lift the trophy" Gavi nodded relieved

He had never wanted to escape from a moment with you more than he does now

However, he watched you smile and nod at him "Go ahead, Martín" You kick his leg a little "Congratulations on winning, by the way. I'm so proud of you" Pablo smiled nodding at you

You stepped forward and hugged him once more you couldn't help yourself but wanted to embrace him

"I don't plan on ruining tonight for you, but I think you know we need to talk" You whispered against his ear as he nodded tightening his hold on you, now it was his turn, he kissed your cheek repeated times making you giggle

"Stop that" You asked laughing "Go" You untangled yourself from him forcing him to leave his hold on you.

"Meet me in a hour and a half in the tunel, okay?" You nod smiling, one of Pablo's hands went up to the side of your face and pulled a stray of hair away from your face, making you freeze in the beggining but retracted a bit

Pablo's hand fell at his side as he was confused and shocked, he felt a sting hit in his chest and his breathing got a bit uneven, he took deep breaths and let out the air he was holding in. He nodded not knowing what to do, he had never felt this way around you not even when you confessed your feelings for him, so, he just walked side by side with Pedri to grab their medals

"You okay?" Pedri asked next to him as Pablo lightly shook his head

"...No" He looked over to where you were standing, in the middle of the Páez and González family.

He felt the same sting in his chest when you retracted from his touch but the sting made itself pronounced when he saw Samuel pull you into his embrace and you making yourself comfortable in the boys's arms while cheering for them.

Those should've been his arms, not some random man ones, but he had been too stubborn to realize it. And meanwhile you were happy and moving on, it was his time to watch from the sidelines and get hurt

________

You were waiting for him to come out of the dressing room but it seemed like it wasn't happening any time soon. Everyone had left only the staff being present and a few of the players's family.

So you decided to walk around for a bit, you came up the tunnel finding the place where the players go out to the pitch. You walked it finding the empty stadium, it looked pretty when no one was around and you enjoyed it more this way but it looked even better with people in the stands supporting their clubes and wearing a certain color.

"I remember you being noisy" You turn around at hearing his voice "I just didn't knew how much" You smiled lightly watching Pablo walk a few steps more to join you "This is beautiful" You nod agreeing

"Yes, it is" You smiled lightly "Mostly when it's quiet"

Silence took over the two of you for a while, none of you knowing how to start

"You are looking pretty" He said randomly as you smiled lightly

"Thanks, you looking nice too"

"It felt nice seeing you up there once more" you hum pursing your lips a bit

"It felt nice being back there once more" You smiled taking a deep breath

"So... You have a boyfriend?" He asked the first thing that had came into his mind, you nod once more

"I do" You smile at the though of your blondie, he had gone to the hotel with Pedri's family much to his disagreement, he didn't wanted to leave you alone but he understood you had something serious to talk with Pablo

"Since when?"

"Since December"

Pablo nodded, looking down at his feet

"I missed you" He said

"I missed you too"

"Didn't seem like you did"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You weren't answering my texts, nor my calls and whenever I tried to go into your apartment, the security guards didn't let me in!"

"Well I told you I needed time and you accepted it"

"You ghosted me!"

"And I'm terribly sorry! I was heartbroken and I didn't precisely wanted to the see the guy who provoked it uncounsiously!"

"Were you really? Because all I could see was you from a party to another and to another! It definitely didn't look like you were heartbroken!"

"But I was and still am, Pablo!" When he heard you exclaim his first name once more, he knew he had fucked it up again. You already had called him with a nickname or one of his others names

"What did you want me to do?" You ask in between laughter "Stay at home crying? Feeling miserable because I made the biggest mistake ever? And of all of the persons in Barcelona I went ahead and fell in love with you? But still I went and did nothing to change it? And when I try you absolutely do nothing but say 'you were just from a party to another, you didn't missed me' Of fucking course I missed you!" You were laughing but in reality you were close to the verge of crying

"Hell you've been a constant person in my life for twelve years, Pablo!" You looked at him "No one has ever me stuck with me that much, besides my family of course, but you! To have you next to me 25/8 like we used to be and then out of nowhere not having you at all, also affected me! A lot! I know I provoked that and I'm sorry! I don't control the way I feel it just happened!"

"And I just wanted to let it out! Of course I was secretly hoping you'd say I'm in love with you too, but it wasn't the case and I've been dealing with it and finally made peace with that and I'm here tonight to tell you that I want my best friend back! That I'm moving on from it and that we may not end up together but I don't care about that anymore I just want you to know that I'm not giving up on our friendship, Gavi. Never. I'm back if you want me to be"

Pablo grabbed one of your arms and pulled you into him, you hugged his torso inmediately as he hugged you tighter

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Pablo repeatedly leaving kisses in every place reachable for him, your neck, your cheek, eyelid, eyebrows, your ear, your temple, hairline, forehead, all of that without letting you go "I just missed you so much, I was having it bad and seeing you living your life as if you've never missed me broke me completely" He whispered sniffing "Of course I want you back, I love you so much, mi niña" He kissed you repeatedly as you hide your face in the crock of his neck

You didn't know but he just proclaimed his love for you, more than a friendly way, but decided against saying it out loud.

As much as it hurt him, he was the cause of the pain you've gone through these past months and now you were back into his arms and life, he wasn't going to fuck it up.

Two Weeks Later

"C'mon!" Pablo whined in the couch "I SWEAR TO GOD I WON PEDRI IN FIFA LAST TIME!"

"Maybe I was having compassion with you, Pablito" All of the presents in the room laughed as Pablo threw the control in anger to the couch

He went to the kitchen in hopes of finding a snack that could help his sour mood right now when he heard your laugh.

You were at Pedri's for a get-together. Now that you and Pablo mended things up you were spending more and more time together, the guys loving it since they had no more grumpy Pablo and a heartbroken you. And they were happy since they added one more person to your guys group. Samuel.

The guys loved him, of course the poor lad had to pass a test made by Pedri and the guys that joined him, but once that finished the guys cheered for you both and approved Samuel.

So, that meant he was also there with you in your get-togethers

It wasn't easy for Pablo now that he had discovered his true feelings for you, he always made sure to try and not look at the two of you when you were being affectionate. But it was hard, the damn fucker made you happy, your smile when you were around Samuel was three times bigger than usual and even tho Pablo loved to see that kind of smile on your pretty face, he wanted to be the one and produce it.

He couldn't help but walk over where the two of you were sitting a bit parted from the group since you had a bit of headache but didn't wanted to ruin the guys fun

You were reclined on the couch as Samuel was lying in between your legs with his face pressed into your chest, your hands were around his neck as his were around your torso, he was apparently telling you something funny to make you laugh like that.

The mood Pablo had from his mates teasing got worse when he saw you kissing Samuel. He knew he wasn't in place to reclaim something but he wanted to go there and push the guy out of your body.

Samuel's phone dinged as he sighed, if Pablo listened right he said something among the lines of "I have to go home, my little brother fell and sprained his ankle"

Pablo thanked his little brother but forgot you had to answer

"Oh god is Marcelo okay? Fucking hell, that doesn't look good. Let's go" At hearing that Pablo sighed. You were too caring, too lovely... Too perfect for this world to be true.

"Don't worry, princesa" He saw how Samuel wanted to get up but you tightened your holds on your hands and crossed your legs behind his back "Y/N" Samuel laughed

"What?" You asked smiling innocently

"This is a get-together with your friends, I don't want you to miss the fun to be in an hospital for god-knows-how-long with my screaming and annoying little brother-OW!"

"Marcelo is lovely, too bad he's only seven years old, I would've gone for him"

"You're so on" And then he heard your hysterical laughter once more and pleads for him to stop tickling you.

Pablo turned around and saw his sister standing there with crossed arms "Maldición, joder, Aurora" Pablo cursed out "You almost made me shit my pants"

"What are you doing watching Y/N and her boyfriend?"

"I wasn't watching them"

"I've been standing here like five minutes ago"

Pablo sighed "Okay... Maybe I was watching them"

"Why?" Pablo looked at his sister without saying anything as she soon gasped "No way!" She exclaimed a little too loudly

"Shhhh! Nobody knows it!" Gavi silenced her

"You're in love with Y/N?"

"Shhh!" Gavi shushed her pulling his hand up to his sister's mouth "No one knows it, so could you please be quiet about it?" Aurora nodded

"We neeed to talk" Pablo groaned grabbing his sister hand and bringing her over to Pedri's room "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She said inmediately after Pablo closed the door "She told you her feelings for you and you pushed her away!"

"Back then I didn't realized it! I started knowing right during World Cup, she didn't talked to me back then! It would have been a waste telling her and over text!"

"She called you!"

"I was confused!" Pablo exclaimed "If I had realized even before World Cup I wouldn't even have left Spain, fighting for her, but I realized in the middle of it, then when we were eliminated she sent me three texts and ghosted me once more! I fucked it up not reciprocating her feelings and to try and tell her over text: Hey, I realized I'm in love with you. Sorry for the pain I caused you back then. That would've been the worst thing ever! I've seen enough movies, TV shows and I have been with you and her for so long to know exactly what to do and what not to do!"

"When I saw her at the Supercopa I proposed myself to tell her, I wanted to kiss her when I saw her, when I held her I wanted to tell her everything and let her do whatever she wanted to and with me but then she appeared with that guy and with a light smile on, she told me 'He's my boyfriend' I wanted to die at that moment" Pablo shook his head running his fingers through his hair "I have put her through enough pain to just let that wound come back again! She seems happy with him and meanwhile he makes her happy, make her feel loved then I should be as well"

"You're going to love her from far away?" Pablo nodded with his hands on his face, he wanted to cry

"I think I lost my chance, rora"

"You haven't" Aurora said "She still loves you"

"But she's with him" Gavi looked at his sister, tears scaped from his eyes "I won't ruin that for her, I won't be the reason she's sad again" He shook his head "I will be there for her for everything and anything she needs me for, but I'm not ruining her relationship. I'll just wait for her, I'll wait"

Aurora was surprised by the determination on her younger brother, not suttering at all with his words, still, she felt proud, he knew he fucked up but also, he knew how to mend it and wait.

"Have patience, Pabs" She told him hugging her brother tightly "A lot of patience, you'll need it" Pablo nodded reciprocating the hug

"I will" He laughed

He was known for not having an ounce of patience, but he would gain the world's whole patience only for you. And he will do.

After having a moment, Gavi washed his face with water and headed down, to find no Samuel but you still laid on the sofa, he contemplated the fact of going towards the guys who probably will keep making fun of his bad FIFA skills or be with you.

Guess what he decided?

"Buenas" He said with a light smile catching your attention

"Hey, señorito" You smiled putting down your phone "Everything good?" Gavi nodded "What's up?"

"The guys keep making fun of me for being bad at FIFA" You scrunched your face a little

"I don't buy the 'I beat Pedri' thing either"

"BUT I DID!" He exclaimed making you laugh

"C'mere, Gavs" You fixed your position and patted the space on the couch, he just couldn't resist you so he ended up sitting next to you "The only one who can bully you it's me, so let's just sit here for a while and watch funny Tik Tok videos and cute puppy reels" He smiled sitting next to you

"Only because you said cute puppy reels" You smirked leaning over a bit for the two of you to see properly your phone screen

After an hour and half of watching funny videos on your phone, laughing, making comments and sometimes getting sad when something emotional happened, somehow you guys ended up cuddled up into each other.

You leaned into Gavi's chest, sat in between his legs as his back rested in the arm rest, his legs streched out as yours were pulled up at your chest, his arms wrapped around your frame.

Gavi stopped for a second, hearing you laugh, he smiled looking down at you, he indeed was stupid enough for not realizing his feelings soooner.

If he had done that, you could probably be like this but with another status, he sighed lightly accepting for now the fact you were with someone else but as you leaned more into him uncounsciously, giving him a smell of the delicious TRESemmé oil elixir you put to protect your hair and that he often found himself stealing a bit from, he realized he would fight for you, always. To have you by his side and make you happy.

Gavi kissed your hair and temple a couple of times before tightening his hold on you

"Something's wrong?" You ask lightly as he shakes his head

"...Don't think so"

One thing people also known Gavi for was that he was determinated, he never stopped until he had what he wanted.

And he wanted you.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Tag list: @gaviypedrisbride @ariagonzalezsstuff @gaviswh0re

487 notes · View notes

helioslover · 4 months

Text

CHERRY - CL16

PAIRING : singer!charles leclerc x actress!reader SUMMARY : you listen to the song charles has written about you for the first time. you hate how in love with him you are. WORD COUNT : 4.4k TW : angst, mentions of alcohol, breakup, sex SONG : cherry - harry style

You hate planes. You also hate being too shy to ask the stewardess for a night mask so that you could sleep through the flight. You hate knowing who’ll be picking you up at the airport. You also hate the way you're happy to see a familiar face in a country where you don’t know anyone, even if it is this familiar face. But you mostly hate the way you're eager to see Charles.

You have spoken a lot through the last few months, and you think that maybe the heartache you've felt for so much time has finally healed. Charles' has been staying in Monaco -he now splits his time between there and London - for a couple of weeks as he is recording some new songs for the next album. As unbelievable as it sounds, you have meticulously avoided any of Charles' new songs until now. The only one you're familiar with is Sixteen but you know that title tracks aren’t the ones Charles puts his entire soul in. You aren't ready to hear the brown-haired boy that used to drive you crazy sing about another woman. Yes, you've seen the pictures of Charles and Alexandra and yes, you've cried in your pillow until your body felt so dry that there were no tears left to cry.

“What do you mean you’ve never listened to my songs ever since we broke up ?” Charles had looked so shocked when you told him the truth (not the part about crying yourself to sleep, no, you didn’t mention this) that you had laughed. “Not even the ones from Fast Cars ? We were still talking when I released Fast Cars, Y/N !” His voice sounded raspy and you remembered that it was still early and that Charles had never been a morning person.

“Why are you up so early ?” you were clearly trying to avoid the subject.

“You called me, you idiot. I only answered because it was you. But now, I’m considering the option of hanging up. I mean… I’m not trying to brag but where were you for the last four years ? My songs have been everywhere.”

You chuckled. “Oh for fuck’s sake, I know that. You have no idea how annoying it is to avoid your songs at parties, on the radio, on TV, everywhere, you’re fucking everywhere, dude.”

“Don’t dude me. I think we're a bit closer than that, Y/N.” He was smiling at the camera, showing off his dimples. Behind him was a patchwork of photos, posters and movie tickets hanging on a beige wall. You tried to imagine the rest of the room. “Don’t think I’m forgetting what you just admitted. Mon Dieu,” he sighed overdramatically, “how would you react if I said I never watched any of your movies, huh ?”

You rolled your eyes. “I never said that I didn’t know any of your songs, Charles. I know some of them. But, I hate saying this, I kind of did not want to hear you sing about other people. See what I mean ? It’s alright when it’s from a time where you didn’t even know I existed, I mean some of yours are probably part of my favourite songs, but not when it’s- not when I-”.

“When what, Y/N ?” Charles asked, his voice softened as if he understood how hurt you would feel by hearing songs that weren’t about you.

“Nothing, just leave it. And don’t even try to pretend you’ve seen all of the things I act in. I’m pretty sure you haven’t heard about half of them.”

Charles was now smiling again. “I’ve seen all of them, Y/N. And you were good in every single one of them.”

Something broke inside of your heart because Charles' voice sounded like a warm hug. His statement somehow seemed like a proof that you weren’t the only one to find it hard to get rid of what you felt. And somehow, you hated it. “I gotta go. See you.” And you hung up. You were feeling too many things at the same time. You hated it.

You hate delay. Your plane hasn’t taken off yet and you're already bored. Your neighbor looks like he could be somewhere between fifty and eighty-four and it’s too cloudy to see anything through the window. Your book is not as interesting as it looked like and you know you haven’t downloaded enough playlists. You hate it, not knowing what to do.

You checks your phone to see if Charles has seen your previous message, warning him about your flight being late.

‘its ok, ill still pick you up, y/nickname.’

You smile. Even after all this time, you still don’t know if you hate or loves it when Charles uses your nickname. Another text appears on the screen.

‘since you have time, listen to my favourite one.’

There’s a link leading to a Spotify song and you download it, right before the pilot finally announces that the plane is about to take off. You put on your headphones, press play and instantly, as the first notes of the guitar resonate in your ears, cry.

Don't you call him baby [...] Don't you call him what you used to call me

The first time you called Charles baby wasn’t intentional. You recall the exact moment it slipped out of you mouth and the look Charles gave you after. You were about to have dinner with his mom and his brothers in Charles' flat and you hated how stressed you felt about truly meeting his family even though you'd already been introduced.

“Are you sure there’s nothing you have to warn me about, huh ?” you asked Charles for the hundredth time as you put on a blue shirt that made you look older than you were. Dinner was ready, Charles was too : the only one that was still changing her outfit (for the fourth time already) was you.

“Y/N, I told you : you have nothing to worry about. And you met them already, it’s not like they’re complete strangers.” Charles said from the kitchen where he was setting up the table.

You sighed. You couldn’t help it. The last time you'd seen Charles' family, you were just the girl who starred in his debut movie with him, not the girl he fucked every night. “Maybe blue isn’t my colour, don't I look kind of pale ?" you asked as you joined the kitchen.

“Shh, you’re making me crazy. You look perfect, just like you always do.” Charles handed you a glass of wine. He was wearing a red jacket on some beige pants and looked good. Like really good. “Drink this, it’ll help you.”

The wine was good, really good, and Charles' hands massaging your shoulders felt even better. You hated how Charles always seemed to know what you needed.

“Jesus, baby, this feels good.” The word flew out of your lips so naturally you didn’t even notice at first.

“What did you call me ?”

Your cheeks were turning red under Charles' sharp green eyes. You had seen this look before and knew exactly what usually came right after. “I- um, baby ?”

Charles took a deep breath. His body had gotten closer to yours. “And she does it again, Jesus, Y/N.”

You didn’t exactly understand why such a simple word had such an effect on Charles but you liked it. You liked having this power over him when you usually were the one looking like a middle-school girl talking to her crush for the first time. You felt a knot forming in your stomach, getting eager for a contact with Charles' skin. “Well, baby is gonna have to calm down. At least for now.” you answered, smiling wickedly.

Charles lost his smile. “Y/N. Stop it or I swear I’ll-” The doorbell had rung. Pascale, Arthur and Lorenzo were there.

We're not talking lately

You hate the fact that every line in this song seems directly aimed at youYou. He clearly remember Charles telling you this one word for word. It happened a couple of weeks after your breakup, after you'd moved out of Charles' London flat and had taken all of your things, even the ones you'd always left behind during your previous crises. You never really believed that this time was going to be the real one, that all of the years you'd spent around Charles were on the verge of becoming memories and nothing more. You couldn't even remember the reason you had started fighting. All you knew was that words couldn’t be unsaid and that you couldn’t look at Charles without remembering all the things that had been yelled that infamous night. So you had packed your bags in the middle of the night and had left.

Charles hadn’t called. For about a week, all you could do was look at your phone every ten minutes, hoping for a message, a missed call notification (though it would’ve been merely impossible for you to miss that call), something that would prove you that Charles cared about your relationship. You had walked away so that Charles would realise that he couldn't keep on treating you like you were granted and you had ended up losing it all.

Weeks had gone by without a word from the man you now called your ex. And then weeks had turned into months. Tabloids had sparked dating rumours of Charles and some amazingly pretty girls and it looked like the 'Y/N' chapter had quickly been forgotten. You had felt like an idiot until you'd received the long awaited message.

‘hey y/n, i hope you’re doing good. we’re not talking lately but i just needed you to know that i miss you’

Your heart had stopped beating. Or had it started beating faster ? You had felt like your insides were burning and your mind stopped functioning. It’d been so long since Charles had gone out of the picture that you weren’t even waiting for a sign anymore. You'd started moving on, helped by some of your friends who, tired of hearing complaints about the way things should’ve been, had decided that you had to create a Tinder profile. You'd been on dates, you'd met men that were willing to fill you heart with pure joy and some who were just willing to fill you. But you'd taken what you wanted from both categories and you'd stopped aching with the simple sight of Charles' name on a billboard.

But this message, it wasn’t supposed to ever be sent, it was too late now. It disrupted every plan you'd made to deal with the loss of the one you'd thought would be the love of his life. So you did what you believed was the best to do for your heart. You never answered.

I confess I can tell that you are at your best I'm selfish so I'm hating it You hated it but you still knew every single part of Charles by heart. You'd learned over the years how to decipher every single one of his expressions, even the ones Charles thought nobody would notice. You knew what a half-smile meant, what the subtle frown hid and what the quick eyes puckering could be translated as. And this particular knowledge of Charles' feelings also meant that you totally knew that he was lying when he was claiming to be really happy for you. Charles hated it, he wanted to disappear, to go back in time and never let you leave because he’d never been as happy as you'd made him ever since. You knew that, you could read in the discrete clenching of his jaw.

You weren’t supposed to meet, not more than two years after your last interaction. Charles' message had been left unanswered and he’d never sent another. But awards season was always the theatre of a lot of unwanted encounters.

Charles was as beautiful as ever in his white turtleneck and black pants. His eyes sparkled when they met yours and there was nothing you could’ve done to avoid the conversation.

“You look quite good, Y/N.” You shivered, you hated the way your entire body still reacted to the simple sound of Charles' voice. “How’ve you been ?”

“I- erm…” You hated yourself for having to clear your throat, “I’ve been alright, thanks for asking. I didn’t know you’d be here tonight. I thought you were on tour.”

Charles smiled when you admitted knowing his schedule. “Yeah, I wasn’t supposed to come but then they sent the guest list and I don’t know, I guess I figured I’d stop by.” He wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was openly flirting with you.

You hated the way you'd missed out on most of the ceremonies because you did not feel ready to face Charles. You'd been right. The sight of Charles' ringed fingers, his grown hair, the sparkle in his eyes, the smelling of his very own scent that hadn’t changed a bit ; it all made you weak. You just knew by the look on Charles' face that you were sharing the same thought : how could you have let go of what you had ?

"Well I’m glad you’re here.” You weren’t, but you hoped you weren’t as easy to decipher as Charles was so that you could keep the act on long enough to be convincing. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to win every single one of these things. You always do.” This last part was genuine : Charles was one of the most talented people you knew and even though you had no idea what his new album sounded like, you were pretty confident it was good.

“Oh thanks, Y/N. I’d be surprised if your movie didn’t win anything tonight. How ‘bout we go out after that, huh ? I mean, if I get to win something and to see you, this night might become the best I’ve had in a while.” His green eyes were reflecting a malicious light that almost made him look mischievous. You felt a knot forming in your stomach. You knew it was physically impossible to refuse Charles' offer but also knew how bad of a choice it would be. You were stuck weighing pros and cons in your mind, well aware that your silence was getting a bit too long. You hated the way Charles' presence made it almost impossible for you to think straight.

Your phone rang in you pocket, a sort of a way out you clung to. “Hi, baby, where are you ?” On the other end of the line, Daniel, your new boyfriend – was it really a boyfriend if the only thing you shared was an appreciation for each other’s body and a fear of being entirely alone ? – answered but you didn’t listen to anything he was saying. Instead, you focused on Charles' visible frown and the tears that he was fighting back. He mouthed something that looked like “I’ll see you”, though you both knew it wasn’t true and left without ever looking back. It took you a couple of seconds to process what had just happened before you were able to concentrate on what you were being told.

What Charles never let you know – perhaps because he hated how uncontrollable his feelings for you were – was how big of a mess your encounter had turned him into. He then fully understood that he’d lost you, that it was over, your love had supposedly died when he still believed he would be able to bring it back to life. He hated himself for being selfish, for hating it when you looked so well, for being the one unable to get over it. His wound was still bleeding when yours seemed to have already healed, at least from what he’d seen. And it was at that moment, as he was curled up on his bed, wondering if he was a bad person for hating the way you could be happy without him, that Charles started writing Cherry.

[...]

You hate the way your eyes will look reddish and puffy for the rest of the flight as much as you hate the tears that are running down your cheeks. You secretly hope your neighbour won’t notice your unease and replay Cherry. You already know you've missed out on some lyrics and you don’t want to. You want to hear every single one of Charles' words, the ones that seemed to have been written only for you to hear.

And suddenly, you hate the fact that other people have been able to hear this song (even more so that they did it before you). It feels like such an invasion of Charles' intimacy, of what he has shared with you. Everything sounds so obvious – from the lyrics to the title, reminding you of how you'd learnt a French endearment and always used it to call Charles : chéri, chéri, chéri – it’s an open window on your relationship and the way its ending was handled, the effect you had on Charles.

But then, now that you think about it, you also come to the realisation that, except for those of your friends that know and the few people in Charles' life that are aware of the two-year-long relationship you had, no one knows that you and Charles even kept in touch once the promotion of your movie ended. It’s not an absurd logic : you don’t think Charles has ever seen any of the other actors in years. And this, the fact that for the majority of people, what you had never existed, brings more tears to your eyes. Nothing in the song gives off any hint on who it is written to for people who’re not close to Charles. You somewhat feel deceived. As much as you hate the feeling of losing some privacy, you hate the fact that you can’t really brag about this song being about you. It is a beautiful song, you have the right to feel quite proud of inspiring it.

It must be the fourth time Cherry replays when you catch on some line and realize that, intentionally or not, Charles has left a hint as to who’s the song about. It is not really obvious but you know how fans are eager to decipher any small details.

I noticed that there's a piece of you in how I dress

You had hated this interview. Six months had eventually gone by after Charles' last attempt of talking to you when Alex and Lily had shown you the extract. You were in their apartment, sharing a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes, having just learnt that Alex had gotten the role in the movie he’d auditioned for.

“I never thought he was hurting as much as you did before I saw this” he had said, lighting another cylinder. His living room was already full of smoke. “but I swear, I might not be the closest to Charles, but I’d never seen him look so sad, Y/N” he had added as he was searching the video.

It was one of Yuki Tsunoda’s restaurant interviews. Charles looked as good as ever and you had hated the way you'd had to repress a smile from appearing on your face. Something looked different but you couldn’t point out what it was. In the restaurant, Yuki asked Charles about his fashion style evolution. You couldn’t figure out why Alex wanted you to watch this.

“I don’t really think I tell myself : oh yeah, this is the kind of style that I’m going to go for. I truly believe that my outfits are a way of expressing the way I feel and also that the people who surround me have a great influence on the way I dress. I mean, you asking that is funny because right this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and I started thinking of the way, you know,” and suddenly, in a matter of moments, Charles' eyes had started shining from tears that threatened rolling down his cheeks. His voice sounded hoarse and full of sobs, “there’s quite literally a piece of the person I love in how I dress. I still have some clothes that I used to steal from our closet and that I forgot to give back. Like this,” Charles pointed at his sweater, “this one’s Y/N's but I love it”.

The name had slipped out of his mouth but neither he, nor Yuki, seemed to have noticed, too focused on his emotions (Charles had to actually wipe a tear) to care. But you had noticed and so had others. So had Alex and Lily.

But this wasn’t what had retained most of your attention. There was no point in lying but you had hated the way you'd loved hearing Charles refer to you as the person he loved.

I just miss your accent and your friends

It happened once. Between their infamous encounter which had led to Charles starting to write Cherry and the day he finished the song, you and Charles had only talked once.

You had broken up more than two years ago and yet, you couldn’t say that you were over Charles. It would’ve been safer to just say that you'd just learned to live without him. But you'd gotten pretty good at it. It struck you sometimes at night and you would find yourself crying in your pillow. But then, you were able to go on for days and weeks without thinking about Charles. Things still reminded you of what you had shared but it did not make you automatically cry anymore. It was pretty much like learning how to live with a missing limb. You can live without it, sometimes you can even forget that it’s not there, but somehow it always feels like something should be here and isn’t.

That’s what you tried to explain to Alex as you were heading for the bar in which Carlos and Pierre were waiting for you. All of you had met while filming the movie Carlos directed. Alex, Pierre and you starred in it as well as Charles who also created the soundtrack. You all got awards for it.

“You guys are so late it should be illegal.” Pierre said as he tried to look annoyed. His face almost immediately broke into a smile. “I’m glad to see you.”

You laughed as you sat down next to him, a pint of beer already waiting on the table. “We all know it’s because of Alex.”

"Shut it, Y/L/N."

“Well, at least, you’re not as late as Charles. He’s the worst.”

Your eyes went wide hearing Charles. Except for Alex, none of the boys knew how hard it was for you to get through this breakup. They all believed you when you swore to be over him. You couldn’t blame them for inviting him, you just had to play pretend. “Oh, erm… I didn’t know he was coming tonight, I-I thought he was still in Monaco.”

It was Pierre who had told you that Charles was now splitting his time between the two cities and you had felt a sort of relief mixed with this silly feeling of regretting the way things had become.

“Oh no, he’s not. Speaking of the devil !”

You didn’t even have to raise your eyes to feel Charles' gaze planted on you. Yet you did and for a minute, as your eyes crossed, it felt like there was no one else but the two of you in the entire pub. He was still as beautiful as ever, just like you remembered him to be, but something had changed. Charles was no longer the young man you'd known, he’d grown into a real man and was now entering his golden age. It saddened you to realise that you were both evolving without the other one to witness the changes but it quickly faded away as you felt your stomach twisting with desire.

“God, I missed you guys !” Charles almost cried after breaking eye contact with you, something that seemed to have cost him an effort.

You internally thanked your friends for being so chatty. The night had been going on for a while now without requiring too much effort from you. You mostly drank, comfortably seated in the settee and squeezed between Pierre and Carlos. You also tried to discreetly check Charles out, though you weren’t really sure your glances had gone unnoticed. You couldn’t resist it. It felt so weird to see him, just a couple of metres away from you.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here.” God, you hated unisex bathrooms. His green eyes met yours through the mirror. His cheeks were a bit reddish and you couldn’t say if it was because you were here or it simply resulted from the heat of the pub.

“You mean, here as in the toilettes, sorry, in the bathroom or here in the pub ?” You knew he was tipsy from the casualness of his voice. Charles squinted as your gaze took an inquisitive look. “Are you mad at me ? For coming ?”

“I”m not.” A sigh escaped your mouth. The water was still running from the tap. “What are you doing here, Charles ?”

“I don’t know.” You were now side by side.

“I had forgotten about this you know, the way you squeeze French words in the middle of sentences. It's funny, I guess I just miss your accent and that, being there with our friends.” You could imagine the heat of Charles' skin and the way his lips would feel if he kissed you just right here. You shook you head ; Charles wasn't the only one affected by alcohol but you weren’t just tipsy, you were completely drunk.

“Oh, really.” He was trying not to sound unsettled, you knew it. “Is that your way of saying that you just miss me ?”

You chuckled and his green eyes sparkled. “You get to choose, Charlie. Is that your way of telling me you’re missing me too ?”

You hated the way you had missed the taste of Charles' lips and how his hands clung to you body when you kissed. The water was still running from the tap.

[...]

“Did you like it ?” Charles is literally glowing under the Monégasque sun. His skin is a little tanned and you love how weak in the knees it makes you feel. You're in his garden, drinking beers and smoking. The sky is so blue it seems endless. You love the way it feels like summer.

“What are you talking about ?” Charles' hand strokes you bare arm gently as you're laying on the grass. You're so relaxed you're not even thinking about the hours you spent crying on the plane. Your eyes are still reddish and puffy, though.

“Cherry. Did you like it ? I mean, you obviously cried but I hope it is because you regret boycotting me during all these years.”

“I hated it.” You answer, eyes closed. You can feel Charles' body shifting. He’s now looking at you from upon you guess since you feel his breath crashing on your face. “As much as I hate you.” You add, smiling.

This time, it’s Charles who kisses you. You love how there’s nothing to hate.

#f1 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #reader insert #alternate universe #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #charles leclerc imagine

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hazbingirliexoxo · 2 months

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“The Archer” Angel Dust Analysis

A/n: ALRIGHT YALL❣️ it’s been a hot minute (literally a whole month lol rip☠️) but I have FINALLY written this and am ready to share it with everyone!🤩 So I’m a huge Swiftie and I absolutely love Angel😭💕 so listening to this song: “The Archer” instantly made me think of him. I think the lyrics really highlight how his experiences with love have shaped the complexities of his true feelings and while we still have so much more to discover about his and Husk’s developing relationship in the show, I truly think that this song just “screams” them. If you haven’t listened to the song before, I definitely recommend to!😊 Anyway, lez get into it!😎

Note: For reference, I primarily used this article: https://gwtimes.org/1625/music-books-movies/the-archer-taylor-swift-lyric-analysis/ to organize all of my thoughts and opinions on why this song suits Angel so well. I think this author did an excellent job at explaining the real message of the song in regards to Taylor’s life, but this analysis is solely based on my OWN interpretation of how Angel’s character fits this song. Just wanted to clarify. THANK YOU AND ENJOY!!!❤️❤️❤️

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

Okay so, with these first few lines, we can think about how much Angel has been through, both in life and death. Like anyone else, he’s made mistakes and fought with many people he’s cared about before, whether that be with his birth family (ex: Arackniss, Molly) or his newfound family/friends he’s made at the hotel later on (ex: Charlie, Husk, Niffty, Sir Pentious, etc). But in terms of his actual familial background, Angel was born and raised in the mafia, meaning he’s used to seeing the indescribable horrors and violence associated with that lifestyle. He has no choice but to conjure up this metaphorical shield of “armor” in order to not only protect himself but also, survive. This ultimately makes it very difficult for Angel to form and develop good, healthy relationships, whether that’d be platonic or romantic, because as much as he craves genuine love and affection, isn’t that going against everything he’s known? To not care about what anyone thinks of him because at the end of the day, everyone leaves regardless? Angel Dust is a perfect example of being conditioned to this toxic, negative mindset he’s built for himself every day and we especially see more of this when it comes to his work with Valentino.

Now Angel is a celebrity, the most famous porn star in all of hell. Of course, due to his natural charisma and good looks, all eyes are drawn to him. He’s expected to essentially “put on a show” and show off what he’s “good for” because who could resist the seductive, charming Angel Dust? But that’s the cruel irony behind it all. Angel’s perception of his pornstar persona overshadows the reality of his true self, which makes it easy for him to push people away and not let anyone see the real him. He’s bred to allow people to chase after him, lust after him, because that’s the embodiment of who Angel Dust is, not who Anthony is. Angel Dust doesn’t care if people “leave” him because he knows that one way or another, there’s always someone else who will appreciate him for his “talents”, who will shower him with the desire and attention he so desperately seeks, despite it being superficial. But Anthony? No one knows who that is nor anyone would care to know who Anthony is in Angel’s mind, so rather than reveal his true thoughts, he decides to remain silent and keep them hidden from the public view as a way to protect himself.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold on to you

Now, these second set of lyrics go a little more in-depth about Angel’s personal life and relationships. The first line expresses how easily he attracts people and yet still drives them away. The second one, however, can be explored through both a platonic and a romantic perspective. In a platonic lens, Angel struggles with making real, genuine friends (other than Cherri) because he’s afraid no one will be interested to get to know him. The same thing can be said in a romantic point of view. Angel loves to flirt, yes, but with his pornstar persona, he over-amplifies it and makes it seem like he’s “on board” in the beginning, but in the slightest sense of any seriousness or vulnerability, he “jumps off”, going his own way because he knows he’s unable to commit. This third line takes a look into how Angel is associated with being the “black sheep” of his family. Despite his somewhat childish nature, Angel’s always causing trouble and has never been the more focused, responsible type like his older brother: Arackniss. But due to these specific family dynamics, this shows how Angel feels like he’s never taken seriously with his true self. And because of that, he doesn’t understand how to grow and mature enough as a person to handle long-term relationships. The last line here can be portrayed as Angel’s inner thoughts and feelings towards his future love interest in the series: Husk. Angel is so used to giving up and running away from the idea of real love because of his own sexual abuse and trauma from Valentino. But throughout his whole afterlife, Husk is the only good man who respects and values Angel for who he truly is and despite how nice yet unfamiliar that feeling is, Angel’s terrified of losing it. Therefore, these lyrics can imply how he’s pleading for Husk to help him stay grounded and focus on exploring and pursuing this new relationship with him.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

In the chorus, we can start to see the lyrics become even more personified towards Angel’s life. He’s been hurt by so many people, yet he’s also his own worst enemy because he’s done the same thing to those who he cares about too, ultimately straining or damaging the relationships as a whole. He wonders why no one would want to stay in his life, but deep down, he knows that he doesn’t make it easy for people to love him either. So in order to change that, he needs to believe in himself and trust that he can make a positive effort towards becoming better.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m all right, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then hate my reflection, for years and years

Within the next verse, we can connect back to how Angel’s toxic mindset has made a profound impact on himself and his relationships. There’s a big part of him that’s always subconsciously searching for the negative aspects of letting people into his life, and that in itself, is what overpowers his psyche into not recognizing and acknowledging the positive facets as well. These next few lines can be referenced to how he strives to maintain his pornstar persona. The whole concept of Angel Dust is for him to be as appealing and desirable to everyone no matter what because that’s what the public likes to see. But unfortunately, what Angel doesn’t comprehend is that he doesn’t need to overemphasize this “mask” of his because the real, genuine people in his life (such as Molly, Charlie, Cherri, Husk, etc.) love and accept him for who he is internally rather than externally. This lack of understanding can also drive him to act impulsive with his emotions and lash out towards the people he deeply cares about, thereby causing him to feel hatred towards himself and regret the decisions he’s made later on.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold on to you

The metaphorical meaning behind these next lyrics can connect to how empty and restless Angel feels when he’s by himself. We know that he suffers intense nightmares and drug hallucinations from Valentino, but in this next line: “The room is on fire, invisible smoke”, this allows us to dive deeper into his inner troubles and the emotional turmoil and chaos he’s experiencing from it. He’s known to “burn bridges” and “start fires” with others because like I stated previously, he believes everyone will leave him eventually, so as a result, he shuts people out as a way to cope with this depression and loneliness, knowing that it’s still his fault.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

Here we have the main chorus again, but what’s different is that the word “screaming” is used. This allows us to really see and feel the intensity behind Angel’s emotions. It can almost be viewed as if he’s “crying out for help” and begging for someone, ANYONE, to reach out and stay there with him.

Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through me (2x)

I see right through me (2x)

This next sequence of lyrics is pretty self-explanatory, especially regarding Angel’s famous reputation. Based upon his story arc so far, the internal struggles and hardships Angel has faced throughout life and death have definitely taken a toll on him. Even though he aims to portray this glamorous, charming pornstar personality, characters like Husk can see right through Angel pretty easily and have no issue in calling him out for how fake he’s being. This not only makes Angel very hyper-aware of his mask “slipping away”, but also adds on an extra layer of anxiety and panic he’s feeling from losing control of that facade.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold on to you

The first line here is a clear reference to the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty, but the next few lines are what really emphasize Angel’s character even more. Angel is not an easy guy to get along with. He knows he can be an asshole and because of that, he’s made many enemies who could’ve potentially stayed as friends in his life if he didn’t push them away. But that doesn’t make him feel as if he’s alone right? After all, Angel Dust is fulfilled with receiving “love” from clients, fans, and Valentino all the time, so that has to mean something, right? This particular mindset is what fuels Angel to continue craving that form of infatuation and attention because it’s what he surrounds himself with every day. However, once that “high” dies down, who does he have waiting there for him at home? No one, because in reality, he IS alone and that terrifies him even more due to the fact that he’s the reason behind these self-destructive tendencies.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay? (4x)

You could stay

Combat, I’m ready for combat

These final lines of the song play a significant role in how Angel’s perspective on love can change for the future. Like I’ve said prior, Angel has never had anyone show real, genuine interest in him before, that is, until he met Husk. Husk has made it very clear in the beginning that he doesn’t like putting up with anyone’s bullshit. While his gruff, no-nonsense exterior may be off-putting to others, Angel is very attracted to how real Husk is in expressing how he feels and that is exactly the kind of person Angel needs in his life right now. Over some time throughout the series so far, we start to see a closer relationship develop between the two as well, how fond and comfortable they are of each other. This scares Angel because like all of his other relationships and his current predicament with Valentino, he’s afraid that Husk will voluntarily leave or be taken away from him forever. So in order to avoid that, Angel is determined to do everything he can to keep Husk a permanent part of his life.

Overall, Angel is well aware that he’s not an easy person to love, but with Husk, he feels as if he could be the one to truly understand and accept him for who he is. That maybe, and hopefully, Husk will be the one to stay for good❤️

A/n: yalll,, this is soo fucking long I’m so sorry😭 but I absolutely love these two with all my heart, literally on my hands and knees like this 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ but anywaysss I really hoped you enjoyed it just as much as I loved writing it🥰 PLEASE give me all the feedback you have! I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions, it would really make my day🥹 Thanks for reading loves!!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #angel dust #angel dust x husk #huskerdust #hazbin valentino #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #hazbin vaggie #nifty hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin vox #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin cherri bomb

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whencartoonsruletheworld · 2 years

Text

So we’re talking Media Piracy a lot for good reason but I haven’t seen anyone talking about illegally downloading music on an Apple computer (which I unfortunately have) so if anyone needs it, here we go.

I learned how to do this when I was like. Eight? But apparently everyone just listens to Spotify now so lemme teach you some stuff because guess what, now you will no longer be at the mercy of "What's on Spotify" or "They removed this from Spotify" or "There are too many ads on Spotify" NO MORE

First of all: don’t pirate indie music you cowards. Pirate music from big corporations and pay small creators. ok so now we’ve got that out of the way,

1. Find the song you want to download on YouTube. If it’s a song that’s officially on sale, often times adding “topic” to the end of the search will get you the official audio.

2. Put the link into a Youtube to Mp3 converter and download the file. Most YouTube to mp3 converters are easily found on google, but this is the one I use currently.

3. Open the Music app. I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t use it which is fair because it sucks. Does anyone remember iTunes in like 2008–2014 that shit fucking SLAPPED i miss it being good. But anyway it’s the app just called “music.”

4. Go to the bookmarks bar. Click File > Import.

It will automatically take you to your downloads folder. Then select the file(s) you want to download, and hit “Open.”

5. It will automatically be added to your Recently Added. Once there, right-click “Get Info.”

That IMMEDIATELY gives you a VERY easy-to-edit box for all of the information you want to put in. Title, artist, album, album artwork, lyrics, etc. Some useful notes: “File” will show you the technical data, the app doesn’t tend to load images that are over 2000x2000, and the “Options” tab can give you the opportunity to cut out beginnings or endings of songs or adjust the volume.

Soon as you hit "OK," it's all saved!

Also, if you plug your phone into the computer and import, this will automatically be added to your Music app so it'll be on your phone too.

yar har and all that

#music #pirating #piracy #mine

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bagel--bytes · 6 months

Text

The Narcissist Cookbook has many many good songs (if calling them songs even does them justice), and many of them feel like they’re holding a mirror up to me, so many of them see right through me it’s almost alarming, but only one of them feels like DAVID feels.

I first listed to DAVID the first time I ever listened to the Narcissist Cookbook. I had found them somehow, I don’t remember if it was recommended to me or on some playlist, but I was shuffling through their songs and DAVID came on, and that’s when I knew that I had found something completely unique.

It’s one thing to remind a listener of themselves when you’re talking about things they like about themselves, it’s even pretty easy to resonate with people about things they maybe don’t like, but to make someone come face to face with some of the worst parts of themselves? The parts they don’t want to even acknowledge exist? No song had ever done that before, and I haven’t found one like it since.

DAVID is the story of a very specific experience, one that I have not had, but the feelings it created and the reactions it brought, horrifying as they are, are very very real, and I know plenty of people, including myself, that know what they’re talking about. That song makes my skin crawl, my gut twist, because I know, and I hate that I know. I’ve witnessed “the monster stories I’d been laughing at for years—[slipping] through the bars of their cage,” in my own life. I’ve had moments when I realize “[…]I am not above being a scared little white man. I am not too smart to fall for all the rhetorician bile.”

It’s been on my mind a lot, especially when I’ve been seeing videos of people that have nothing to do with Palestine or Israel being harassed and attacked.

Listen to DAVID. Don’t fight the sinking feeling in your gut, or the crawling of your skin. Listen to DAVID and do not forget it.

#the narcissist cookbook #narcissist cookbook #hi Matt #sorry if this is a dog ass take on your song #but DAVID split me open the first time I heard it and I don’t think I’m over it three years later #tnc #tnc David #tnc moth #Spotify #bagelposting

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mvltisstuff · 10 months

Note

Hi, how are you?

Could you make a request for Evan Buckley please.

The request would be based on the Big Time Rush song - Next step.

From Buck's perspective where he is discovering his feelings for his new "friend".

Until Athena says "if you don't do anything about it. Someone much smarter than you will come along and you'll see her holding hands with that person."

🙈 ✨😊 I love what you write. I send you many hugs from afar 🤗

next step - e.b

summary: request

evan buckley x reader

a/n: i’m loving the btr songs love 😘 i’ve never done a pov for buck so this is my attempt ;)

every person in my life has left and taken their love with it. abby dropped me, completely changing locations and almost forgetting my heart and i back in los angeles. after tons of weight on my leg, aly just added more by breaking up with me. i kind of understand, sometimes a guy like me carries too much baggage in my line of work.

even growing up, my parents figured i could love myself. it was never my fault, but it felt like it was for years and i had to figure it out myself.

y/n knew what i went through. she understood my life in work, but also out of work. all of my feelings were vented to her for months. every last tear came out in front of her as she cried with me, or let me cry on her shoulder. i promised myself i wouldn’t fall for her, needing a friend to be with instead of someone with benefits.

i started to think the amount of pressure i put on myself caused me to crack. i knew that the day we met at that bar, it was bound to be more. the only thing that scared me was demolishing everything i’ve put in place for us. if she didn’t feel the same, then i would’ve ruined one of my best friendships i’ve ever had.

it’s been weeks since i’ve been forced to admire her in silence. it’s been weeks since i noticed her beautiful smile and her irresistible personality. it’s also been weeks that i haven’t done a single thing about it.

even when we hang out together, it feels like there’s a bubble between us, keeping me from loving her the way i want.

i want her to be loved as much as she deserves and it has to be me. whenever i look at her or get a text from her, my heart just swells up and the beat changes patterns. she makes me feel like i’m worth it, like i’m enough in this world.

but, the bubble grew. i couldn’t be with her as much anymore. i couldn’t sit there in pain knowing i can’t tell her everything i want to say to her. the only thing on my mind is y/n. she’s nothing but a breath of fresh air through the smoke. the way her mind works and results in an alluring human being fills me with pure bliss. there’s no denying that i was lost before falling for her, but she’s a flashlight.

the teasing and jokes from my team made it near unbearable, but i managed to push them to the side. eddie heard his own deal about her from me, and then spilt it all to the rest of the 118. now, every time y/n comes around, it’s like they’re anxiously waiting for a bomb to go off. it also horrifies me, knowing that one word from them could make or break this whole thing.

i’ve waited for y/n for so long, and she’s my puzzle piece. there are so many that don’t fit, but she’s the last one that makes a perfect puzzle.

i wish i was a superhero sometimes. i wish i had the ability to look into her mind and see if she loves me back. i only have my own mind, and i just have to go off that. but every night, i pray that she wants me just as bad.

the days had felt like they became longer, each shift, each time y/n and i hung out. i had to turn y/n down tonight because i couldn’t bear to listen to her and act like i wasn’t head over heels in love with her. so instead, i was dragged over to athena’s house for dinner with the rest of my friends. i couldn’t focus on anything anyone said to me. i was just thinking about y/n, feeling like shit that i cancelled on her, but also relieved that i didn’t have to face another night of torture.

“earth to buck,” chim chimes, shoving a forkful of food into his mouth. “what’s got you so lost?”

“oh, nothing,” i smile and tell him. “i just haven’t slept that much since last shift.”

“yeah, ok,” eddie chuckles and i shoot him a stare to kill. “what? it’s clear, man, what’s on your mind!”

“there is nothing on my mind!” i paint another fake grin on my face to try and change the conversation.

“am i missing something?” athena questions, coming to sit at the head of the table with a glass of wine in her hand.

“buck’s completely fallen over this girl and can’t find the guts to tell her,” hen gushes mockingly, looking up at the man through her glasses.

“oh, another!” athena teases. “tell me more.”

“it-“ i sigh. “it’s y/n.”

“you mean the one i met the other day? i could’ve guessed that.”

“what?” i ask.

“i saw it in your eyes the second that girl walked in. i haven’t seen you that enamored with someone in months and it even brought a smile to my face. so why don’t you say something?”

“because i don’t know if she feels the same way,” i complain, letting my arms fall on the table.

“you’ll be regretting it, though,” she tells me as i give her a look of confusion. “one day, she’ll find someone smarter than you. you’ll see her holding hands with him and not with you because he wasn’t afraid.”

the thought of y/n with another man makes me want to never leave the house again. if i ever saw someone holding her hand and it wasn’t mine, i can’t even predict how i’d act. no one gets me the way she does, and i’m afraid no one ever will. that’s why i’m afraid, i realized.

“you feel alive with her?” athena asks me.

“of course i do, more than i have with anyone else.”

“then what the hell are you waiting for?” she smirks, patting my shoulder. “get out of my house! go find that girl and don’t come back until you have her.”

i look around the table, getting glances from everyone and quick encouraging ‘go!’s. i push the seat out from under me, scoop my keys up in my hand and run out to my car. i’m not wasting another minute that this girl is not mine.

i repeat athena’s words in my head, picturing someone better than me with her. her smile, her laugh, while mine disappear without her. if her life begins with someone new, mine will end. i can’t back out now, and the words need to come out before i scare myself again.

i storm up y/n’s front steps, knocking on the door in a little melody so she knows that it’s me. i tap my foot on the ground nervously while i wait for her to pull open the door. the second she does, she says, “buck! hey-“

“i love you,” i say, breathless. “i can’t pretend that i’m not anymore because you are my person, and i can’t let someone else say it before me. you make me feel extraordinary, and i don’t know many people who can do that.”

i pause, taking a minute to collect myself as y/n stares into my eyes. i admire the color in her eyes, and even though she looks casual, she looks as pretty as ever.

“s-sorry,” i nervously say and laugh. “shit, that was a lot, but i couldn’t string myself along.” i look at her parted lips, her hair blowing in the light gusts of wind in the night. i take in every part of her and not one goes unloved by me.

“i’ve been falling for you for weeks,” she murmurs, making me step closer to her. “you’re one of the best people to come into my life. i’ve made some pretty bad choices, but you were the best one.”

all of her words touch my heart, wrapping herself around my finger. you never realize how fast someone can become your whole world until you truly want them to be. i walk closer to her again, putting my hand out as she makes contact with it.

“can i kiss you?” i ask as she nods, pulling me into her as she connects her lips with mine. her lips are soft and she tastes sweet. her comforting smell fills my nose as her lips mesh perfectly in mine. she took slow breaths, savoring every part of the kiss she could. i swear to god, i could climb every mountain and swim every ocean. just the feeling of being able to call her mine makes my heart jump. i pull myself away from her slowly, smiling on her lips before. i have a soft hold on her arms as she beams up at me from her doorstep.

“i knew we were bound to happen the day you stepped into that bar,” y/n speaks softly, her delicate voice and stirring sentence leaves me knowing she’s the one for me.

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obsessedelusional · 1 year

Text

Destroying Yourself to Keep a Friend

paring ✦ Eddie Munson x Fem Reader

summary ✦ You befriend Eddie Munson as an attempt to piss off your toxic on and off again boyfriend, Jason Carver. Only for you start comparing the two, quickly realizing Jason is no longer who you have feelings for. MODERN AU

word count ✦ 6.9k

authors note ✦ This song has been stuck in my head for weeks inspired this piece. 10/10 recommend you giving it a listen Drunk Text by Henry Moodie REPOSTING THIS BC NO ONE SAW IT ):

masterlist

FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

1st of November

The night had started because you had a gut feeling about Jason doing something shady. He started growing more distant than he already was. When you two found time to be together, he was hiding his phone. Rumors starting circulating around school that he was cheating on you. So when found out he was at a party that you didn’t know about you had to show up. Eddie was your ride, waiting for you outside. Only to arrive and see some blonde wrapped around his waist, she was a cheerleader. You stood there, Jason entirely oblivious to your arrival. Until she kissed him, him kissing her back.

“I can’t believe you.” You say, causing Jason to look up wide eyed from the kiss, pushing the girl off him.

“No it’s not what it looks like.” He pleads with you, reaching out to you. You push his hands away.

“Fuck this.” You mutter, as you leave. He follows you outside.

“I just thought that’s what we’re doing now. Fucking around with other people.” He yells from the front door, you’ve almost reached Eddie’s van.

“I’m not stupid. You’ve been fucking Munson.” He accuses you causing you whip around to face him.

“You are stupid. So fucking stupid. I haven’t done anything with him only because I’ve been faithful to you!” You croak. Jason reaches for you once again, profusely apologizing.

“Fuck you.” You say before hopping in Eddie’s van. That’s when it hits you, he definitely heard all of that.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” The rest of the ride is silent. Only a quick goodbye when he drops you off at your home. Before you can even make it to your door he catches up with you stopping you from going inside, he wants to say something but can’t get it out. Jason’s car pulls up to your house.

“I swear if you get in that car with him whatever this is we’re done. I can’t do this anymore.” Eddie admits, finally hitting his breaking point.

“Eddie-“

“I’m serious. I can’t keep standing by watching Jason treat you like shit.” The sight in front of you breaks your heart, you can feel the pain in his voice. More upset at how you’ve made Eddie feel than just finding out Jason’s been cheating on you. Jason is yelling from his Jeep parked out in the road, demanding you to leave with him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t-” Your voice is shaky.

“Forget it.” Eddie says, turning around leaving you on your front porch. He says some not so nice but we’ll deserved words to Jason before hopping in his van and driving off. Jason climbs out of his car approaching you. You can’t handle this. You don’t want Jason. You want Eddie but that’s not fair to either of them right now. You need to be alone. Before Jason can reach you, you slip in side quickly locking the door behind you.

“What the fuck?” Jason yells, rattling the door handle.

“Go away, Jason.” You say between his screaming. You find your headphones, find the playlist of all your saddest songs and turn the volume so high you can’t hear him anymore.

—

5th of November - A Few Days Later

“Dude you need to tell her how you feel. Get it over with.” Jeff grumbles irritated by this entire situation. Jeff and Garth always being there to console Eddie after your many breakups with your on and off again boyfriend, Jason Carver. Eddie knows Jeff’s right but simply refuses to take his advice.

“You know it’s not that easy.” Eddie groans, rubbing his eyes from lack of sleep he’s been having this last week. He hasn’t spoken to you since the first, the night you caught Jason cheating. He’s been staying up late every night drafting messages to send you. A message that would let you know how he truly felt. Usually going something like this:

I wish I was who you drunk texted at midnight. Wish I was the reason you stay up 'til 3, you can't fall asleep because you’re waiting for me to reply. I wish I was more than just someone you walk by. That I wasn't scared to be honest and open, instead of just hoping you’d feel what I'm feeling inside.

DELETE

“You’re destroying yourself to keep a friend.” Garth says.

“A shitty friend at that.” Jeff adds.

“Jason cheated on her. Yet she went back to him. What more does she have to do for you to move on?” Garth asks, Jeff nodding in agreement.

—

The Past

Two years ago you befriended Eddie to spite Jason, he was well aware of that but still let you hang around. Only for you to find the person you felt safest around. You could be your self without the fear of judgement. It didn’t take long before Eddie was the one you ran to at any minor inconvenience or major.

You’d been dating Jason since junior high, now the two of you seniors in high school. He wasn’t the sweet kid you grew to love any more. He was bully to everyone, especially you. Things really began going downhill when he joined high school basketball his freshman year. Harassing you to become a cheerleader because the best basketball player should have a cheer leader girlfriend. You did it for six months before quitting, the cliquey bullshit too much to handle. That was the first time he broke up with you. Lasted all of a week until he came back, begging you to take him back. You did, part of you regrets that to this day.

Several months later you overheard the popular girls talking about how they didn’t understand why Jason was with you. Tears in your eyes you went to Jason in the hopes he’d soothe your worries. Only for him to confirm what they were saying about you. ‘What do you expect? I’m on the basketball team and you’re nobody. I tried to help you by having you join the cheer squad. Sometimes I wonder why I’m even with you.’

His evil words only made you angry, you broke it off with him on the spot. His teammates watched the whole thing go down because you interrupted their practice to talk to him. You were so embarrassed. On your way out of the gym you bumped into Eddie Munson with tears running down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, looking up at the tall man in front of you.

“It’s okay…” His voice trails off when he notices your teary eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asks, genuine concern in his voice and eyes. You’re not sure what comes over you but almost immediately you start crying even harder and muttering ‘Jason is a dick’.

“That’s something we can agree on.” He laughs, bringing a smile to your face while still crying attempting to rub the tears away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie asks, you half wondering why he’s being so nice to you considering how terrible Jason is to him. While also thinking to yourself Jason finding out you’ve been hanging around Munson would infuriate him. Maybe feel as half as angry as you feel in this moment. You nod yes before following Eddie to the drama club room.

There was an hour till his Hell Fire club meeting. The two of you sat on a used and abused love seat, he listened as you ranted spilling all the details of your breakup. He actually listened, Jason never listens to you anymore. More often than not talking over you. You felt bad comparing the two of them but couldn’t help it. Your moment with Eddie was cut short when Dustin came into the room, he looked surprised by your presence.

“I should get going. Thanks for listening to me.” You smile, standing up. Eddie follows you standing up, startled when you wrap your arms around him. Hugging him before leaving, giving Dustin an awkward smile as you walk out the room.

“What the fuck were you doing with Jason Carvers girlfriend?” Is what you hear from outside the room.

—

Eddie thought that was the end of you two. Only to receive a friend request from you that night. He accepts it and without missing a beat, you message him. Thanking him again.

Eddie: it’s no biggy

You: it was to me

Eddie: ya know I thought you’d be different

You: wdym

Eddie: your nice just always assumed anyone who could put up with Jason Carver had to just as awful

You: well I always thought you were scary but turns out you’re pretty sweet

Eddie can’t help but blush at your words. Realizing quickly he shouldn’t be reacting this way. Your Jason Carvers ex girlfriend, you could never be with a freak like him.

Eddie: me? sweet? never.

—

Eddie spent the entirety of that weekend glued to his phone waiting for your responses. He kept telling him self he needed to stop messaging you. Only for you to respond and he’d waste no time sending you a message back.

“Who the hell are you talking to that’s taking all your attention?” Jeff asks. Nobody believes him when he says he’s messaging you.

“Jason Carvers girlfriend? There’s no fucking way.” Garth sneers.

“Ex-girlfriend.” Eddie smiles causing Jeff and Garth to laugh.

“They’ve broken up like a bajillion times. They’ll be back together in a week.”

“Whatever.” Eddie mutters, good mood ruined.

They were right. A week later you and Jason had made up, dating again. To say Eddie was disappointed was an understatement. For a brief moment he genuinely thought you were feeling what he was feeling inside. Thought maybe he had a real chance with you. When he arrived to school seeing you hand in hand with Jason his heart broke. Confused how after all the shitty things you admitted about Jason you’d go back to him.

“Hey Eddie.” You smile, greeting him before the first bell.

“You look… tired.” He says, trying his best to show concern but not be rude. To put it frank you looked like shit.

“Yeah I got drunk last night. Stayed up till three am waiting for Jason to respond to the stupid drunk text I sent him.” You groan sitting next to him.

“Really?” Eddie asks, wishing he was the one you drunk texted. Wishing he was the reason you couldn’t sleep waiting for him to reply.

“Worked though because he was at my house early as fuck, apologies ready. We made up.” You smile half heartedly, part of you looking for Eddie’s reaction. He has none.

“That good.” Eddie fakes a smile before leaving you alone. He had to pretend like he was happy for you. It only got worse when later that day he was stopped by Jason in the hallway.

“You need to leave her alone, freak. As if she’d want anything to do with you.” Jasons words spit in Eddie’s face.

“We’re just friends.” Eddie says before Jason shoves past him sending him into the lockers. Jason walks off as Eddie regains his balance, picking up his backpack from the floor. Sadder than ever.

Eddie had no idea that you had been given the same instructions. You were right, befriending Eddie pissed Jason off. So much that he apologized for what he said.

Even with Jason threats, that didn’t stop you. The harder he tried to keep you two apart only made you closer to Eddie. Every time Jason pushed you away he was pushing you into Eddie’s arms.

This became most evident to you when your nana past away. As soon as you found out you called Eddie. To this day Jason doesn’t know she passed away. That night when you called Eddie tears in your eyes he dropped what he was doing to pick you up. Showed up to your home with all your favorite snacks and the first Lord of The Rings movie. You had listened to Eddie talk about it so much. Eventually asking if he’d watch them with you so you could further understand his ramblings. He was more than ecstatic to watch them with you.

That’s the night you started lying to your parents but more importantly lying to Jason. Lying about where you spent that night. And nearly every Friday night after that, using the next movie in LOTR series as an excuse to keep sleeping over at Eddie’s. After finishing that he talked you into watching The Hobbit, you happily watched given an excuse to spend more time with Eddie. You’d miss Jason’s basketball games to be with him. When first being picked up you were always filled with guilt. Only for the feeling to subside when you see Eddie’s smiling face in the drivers seat. Little did you know that Eddie was missing out on HellFire meetings eventually having to change the day they held the meetings to Thursdays. That didn’t go over well with the guys, only adding to their list of reasons to dislike you.

Sleepovers at Eddie’s started off as innocent. His uncle worked nights so you’d two have the trailer to yourselves. At first he offered you his bed while he slept on the couch. That only lasted a few times before he started sleeping on the floor near his bed where you slept. The next time you were upset about something Jason did you fell asleep on his chest, face sticky from crying. He didn’t dare move you, shortly falling asleep under your touch. After that is was just some kind of unspoken rule that it was okay to sleep in the same bed. Couldn’t help but worry what Jason would think, how mad it would make him. What he would do to Eddie if he knew.

One night spent at Eddie’s lead to drinking. The two of you got drunk together. Only Eddie didn’t drink nearly as much as you, wanted to make sure you were safe. One of you needed to be sober and he was more than happy be the coherent person in the room. You were angry at Jason and wanted nothing more than to forget. It was nearly midnight when you pulled your phone out and started drunk texting Jason. Letting him know exactly how mad you were, Eddie fast asleep next to you. The message made no sense, filled with errors.

You: duck you us used to be soooo good now your a asshole

Jason: where the fuck are you

You started panicking immediately. Remembering that Jason definitely had your location on. Always turning it off when Eddie picked you up. Texting him only made him think to check it realizing it was off.

You: nunya

Jason: wtf

You: business lol

It wasn’t that funny though. Your phone started blowing up. Him asking if your drunk and how you better not be with Eddie. Several missed calls and texts leads you to shutting your phone off. You lay awake till 3 am. Your brain storming with your thoughts. Praying that Jason doesn’t just show up to Eddie’s home cause that’s definitely something he’d do. After a few restless hours you decide to focus on the beautiful sweet man next to you. You truly felt like you didn’t deserve him. He was so nice, always there for you. You watch Eddie for a while, watching the way his chest moves as he snores. The moon light from the window, giving you just enough light to admire him. You’re too busy examining the tattoos on his arms to notice him waking up.

“Everything okay?” He asks voice low and scratchy, startling you. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, sitting up better to see you.

“Kinda.” You whisper.

“Kinda?”

“I did something so stupid.” You groan, remembering the events before Eddie woke up.

“What did you?” He asks worry in his voice. You turn your phone back on, waiting for the screen to turn on you start explaining.

“I drunk texted Jason.” Eddie says your name in a disappointed voice. Just as he does that your phone turns on dinging from all the missed texts.

“Is that him?” Eddie asks.

“Yes.” The messaged stop on the most recent one, from forty minutes ago.

Jason: whatever he can have you. you two freaks deserve each other

“What’s he saying?” Eddie asks, concerned.

“He wants to know where I’m at. Why my location is off.” You leave out the messages about him. Eddie doesn’t say anything.

“I was scared he was gonna show up here. I think he’s given up for now, I’m sorry.” You apologize for waking him up.

“It’s fine.” He says half heartedly before turning his back to you to go back to sleep. You can’t help but feel like it’s not fine.

The next morning you woke up early. Did your best to not wake Eddie up as you slinked out of bed. Grabbed your belongings before taking one last look at the man laying there. You couldn’t help but feel like you fucked something up. Your dads refusal to let you get license leads to you bumming rides of people. Used to be Jason but you can not call him now. A swift text to your only friend left that wasn’t pushed away by your relationship with Jason, Sarah leads to to her picking you up.

“You look like shit.” Sarah says as you climb into the passenger seat.

“I feel like shit.” You sigh.

“What happened?” She asks as she starts her car, slowly pulling out of the trailer park. You explain the events of last night.

“Why do you even put up with Jason?” Before you can respond she adds to her statement.

“When you have someone like Eddie?”

“What do you mean?” She rolls her eyes at your unawareness.

“We’ll I may of heard some things.” She admits.

“Things?”

“Ya know his friends Jeff and Garth?” You nod yes.

“They’re in my PE class. I got put into a group with them. They spent the entire period talking shit about you.” She half laughs.

“About me?” What could they possibly have to say about you?

“Yeah how Eddie’s so hopelessly in love with you but you don’t deserve him. Cause your and I quote ‘a giant bitch’. I don’t think your a bitch just a little clueless.” She laughs more, you don’t find it funny. Overwhelmed with all this new information. Everything starting to make so much sense. Sometimes you wondered if he had feelings for you. You’ve felt them there shortly after meeting Eddie. Constantly pushing them back down in the depths of your mind, trying your best to forget. All you’ve ever known is Jason.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“Do you like Eddie?” She asks. Your lack or response is all the response she needs to know the answer.

“I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut over the years to keep you as a friend but Jason is a piece of shit. You could truly do so much better.” She explains, turning down your street. There’s a few moments of silence until she parks in front of your home.

“I’ll support you no matter what you do. Just know I’m Team Eddie.” She laughs.

“Thanks I think.”

“Plus I think Jeff’s kinda cute. We could like totally go on double dates.”

“Yeah I’m sure he’d love to be around the giant bitch.” Your voice is filled with sarcasm.

“I love the giant bitch. They’ll learn to love her too.”

Rolling your eyes, “I love you too.” You step out of her car, thanking her one last time before she drives off. Leaving you alone with all the new information. Now having to decide what you’re going to do.

—

5th of November

“Quite frankly she’s a bitch.” Jeff says laughing, Garth laughs with him.

“Shut the fuck up. You don’t know anything.” Eddie argues, a bit of anger in his tone.

“Whatever if you’re not gonna take our advice. We won’t stop you, let you destroy yourself for a friendship.” Jeff responds. The group’s attention is switched to the faint knock at the door.

“I swear to god if it’s her.” Garth groans annoyed. Eddie stands up from where he’s sat heading to the door. Part of him praying it’s not you, the other part of him always wishing it was you. The opening of the door reveals you, stood there freezing cold in the winter weather. Your nose is runny as the tears have yet to leave your eyes yet. They are there though, brimming your eyelids. Eddie’s confused as to how you got here.

“I’m sorry I just really needed to talk to you. You weren’t answering your phone and I couldn’t wait any longer.” You explain. Eddie’s desperately trying to come up with a solution. If he lets you in he pisses his friends off. If he doesn’t let you in, he misses out on being there for you. He’s always there for you.

“How’d you get here?” He asks, peering around looking for an unfamiliar vehicle that may of dropped you off.

“I walked.” You croak.

“From your house?” He sighs.

“That’s like thirty minutes of walking and in this weather? You’re gonna get sick.” His voice filled with concern.

“Yeah I really wanted to talk to you.”

“The guys are here-“ He’s immediately interrupted.

“Yeah so fuck off.” The voice is familiar, it’s Jeff. He pushed past Eddie to get in your face.

“You’re a shitty friend to Eddie. Always taking. Just leave him already and run along to Jason. Like you always do.” Jeff spits in your face. The tears leave your eyes as you try to scan Eddie’s face for his reaction. He has none, refusing to look at you.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you can mange to say, turning around to leave. Starting the walk home. Your dad had left you alone for the night so you snuck into his liquor cabinet, drinking the one you knew he didn’t care for. Trying everything in your power to numb all the feelings you were feeling. The feelings for Eddie that were there and the feelings for Jason that left a long long time ago. Beating your self up for not realizing sooner and putting Eddie through so much. You were so drunk that you thought walking to Eddie’s home to confess your feelings to him was the answer to all your problems. He wasn’t answering your messages or phone calls. The last thing you had expected was to be told to fuck off, you deserved it though. You deserved everything that had come your way.

About 20 minutes into your walk a car pulls up behind you, slowly following you. So you pick up your pace, ready to make a run for it any second. Whoever it is, is yelling your name now. You recognize the voice. Making you cry even harder because even after all you did, here is Eddie trying to give you a ride home.

“Get in my car. You’re gonna get sick.” He pleads.

“I’m fine, Eddie.” The sound of the car shutting off and the car door opening then slamming shut, doesn’t stop you. Only makes you pick up your pace.

“Acting like I won’t walk you all the way home right now.” Eddie huffs, irritated.

“You don’t have to. Please Eddie just go back to your friends. I’ll be fine.” You say, unwilling to look his way. He doesn’t stop though, an uncomfortable silence falls between you two. He keeps walking along with you. No one speaks for another ten minutes. You’re finally home, standing at your front door, your busy trying to find your keys you don’t notice Eddie moving closer.

“Are you drunk?” He ask, he can smell the liquor on you the second he opened the door to you. All you can do is nod, embarrassed by the answer. When you finally muster up the courage to look up at Eddie he’s already looking down at you. The gap between you two is small, your intoxicated self wants nothing more than to kiss him. Unsure of what you should do after the encounter at his trailer.

“I’m sorry for being a giant bitch.” Eddie laughs at your apology.

“You’re not a giant bitch. Where did you get that?” He asks, wondering how much of their conversation you heard before knocking.

“It’s the truth, Eddie. You’re so good to me and I continue running back to Jason.” You can’t believe the words coming out, the liquor in your system may be making you a little braver than usual.

“Your friends were right Eddie. You deserve someone who’s ready to be with you. I’m not ready for anything with anyone. I need to be single for a while. All I’ve ever know is Jason.” You take a moment to catch your breath.

“I walked to your house to tell you how I truly feel about you. Only to hear what your friend had to say about me, he’s right. It’s not fair to you. I’m so sorry.” A uncomfortable silence falls between you two before he takes one last look before leaving you alone, making the sad walk back to his van.

—

April the 7th

It has been five months since you had spoken to Eddie, so much has changed. At first Eddie was extremely bitter, ignoring all your attempts to be his friend still. Soon growing to regret that when he heard through the town gossip that Jason and you had actually broken up for good. You finally found the strength to leave Jason.

It’s hard for Eddie to get by when you’re still on his mind everyday. Hard for him when he sees you all over school, your new found singleness allowing you to be more involved in socializing. Every time he sees you there’s always a brief moment of eye contact, usually you the one to quickly turn away. Does he cross your mind half as much as you cross his? Do you feel the same?

Eddie still wishes he was the one you’d drunk text, stayed up late waiting for a response from. Wondering if things would of ended up differently if he had sent those texts he had drafted so long ago, when he was too afraid to lose you. He’s never been so unsure of himself. At the time Eddie didn’t know if he told you how he felt if he’d lose you. He did nothing and lost you anyways. Thinking that the worse case scenario would be stuck being your friend for the rest of his life, watching you grow older with Jason. This was worse, much worse.

To Eddie’s surprise he’s on track to graduate next month. Wishing that you were around to share in his accomplishment. You had always been Eddie’s biggest supporter. The first time Eddie failed his senior year, you were the only person to not give him shit. Excited if anything because now you two would be seniors together, get another year with Eddie. Helping him study refusing to let him cheat because you knew he had it in him. He often thinks back to the celebration you two had when he past his first test of the year with a C+. You were so proud of him and no one else cared.

“You ready?” Jeff asks, pulling Eddie from his thoughts about you as he’s driving to this stupid party Jeff somehow convinced him to attend.

“Do we really have to go?” Eddie groans, not wanting to participate in this slightest.

“Anybody that’s anybody’s gonna be at this party. You should be grateful I was able to get an invite. We’re aren’t exactly the crowd they want there.” Jeff explains. Eddie doesn’t respond only goes back to driving. The sound of Jeff and Gareth talking fills the silence as Eddie ignores them, attempting to focus on the road.

Pulling down the street where the party is being held and you can tell there’s a party near. Cars parked nearly everywhere, taking up every spot. It takes a few laps before Eddie finds a parking spot somewhat near the house.

“This is gonna be sick.” Gareth exclaims.

“Fuck yeah!” Jeff chimes in, the two running ahead of Eddie leaving him alone to walk in the party by himself. There’s people out front, he says a few hellos before making it inside. The sound of music nearly deafening. He squeezes through the crowd to find the kitchen. Grabbing a beer, cracking it open and taking a small sip. His eyes roam the room wondering why the fuck he’s here. That when he sees Jason Carver who’s zeroing in on Eddie.

“Fuck,” Eddie whispers to him self before slipping out of the kitchen. When he sees the back sliding door opened to the back door he decides to hide out side. Before he can even make it out Jason has his shoulder in his hand pulling him backwards.

“Munson,” Jason says before letting go. When Eddie turns back to face Jason the first thing he notices is the aggressive smell of liquor. Jason is wasted, his eyes droopy and shirt soaking wet with probably beer of some sort.

“What do you want?” Eddie asks.

“I just need to know did you two ever sleep together?” Jason slurs, leaning into Eddie. Eddie only nods his head no.

“Fuck,” Jason whines.

“So she really was faithful?” Jason says, tears starting to fall down his face making Eddie uncomfortable by the entire situation. Eddie nods yes, not wanting to have this conversation.

“I fucked up big time. She hasn’t talked to me since that night she caught me cheating.” Eddie listens, trying to process that you never went back to Jason that night.

“Yeah, you definitely didn’t deserve her.” Eddie says pushing Jason off.

“Doesn’t matter dude not like she wants your either.” Jason spits, anger in his voice.

“Whatever.” Eddie mumbles attempting to leave the conversation.

“You’re a fucking freak. It’s your fault we broke up. I should break you face for that.” Jason yells, his anger growing. Eddie can’t help but laugh because maybe he was a factor in your decision to leave Jason but not the reason. The laughing only infuriates Jason more.

“Honestly just go for it. Give me an excuse to finally fuck you up.” Eddie says taunting Jason, like he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life.

“She’s not worth it.” Jason laughs, attempting to leave the conversation. Those four words ignite a fire in Eddie, an anger he’s never felt before. He reaches for Jason’s shoulder forcing him to face Eddie. Before Jason can react Eddie is throwing the first punch, square in his jaw. Sending Jason stumbling back only momentarily, once he gains his balance he charges at Eddie. Eddie moves fast enough, sending Jason tumbling onto the ground. The sound of Jason hitting the ground, brings everyone attention to the two of them.

“What the fuck, Munson?” One of Jason’s friends yells approaching him. Eddie is distracted so Jason uses that as an opportunity to swing at Eddie. His fist making contact with Eddie’s brow bone. Suddenly theres a whole group of jocks surrounding Eddie ready to step in the second Jason doesn’t have the upper hand. Eddie is in over his head knowing that he needs to make an escape, wondering where the fuck his two friends are.

Everyone at the party attempts to squeeze into the kitchen to get a view of the fight. You were sat outside by the fire pit when people starting freaking about the fight inside the home.

“What’s going on in there?” Someone asks what everyone’s wondering.

“Jason’s fucking up some long haired freak.” A girl laughs causing you to stand up from your seat. Running into the house, squeezing through the crowd. Only to find Jason and Eddie in the center of it all. Jason has a bloody nose, Eddie a black eye forming.

“Stop it.” You yell, your screams muffled by all the commotion. Jason is on top of Eddie about ready to go in for another punch. You can’t let this go on any longer, your demands to stop not getting anywhere. You attempt to push Jason off Eddie, neither of them realizing that your here now. Jason goes to push you away only to elbow you in the face. Wincing in pain causes Jason to look up from Eddie seeing you standing there. He goes to apologize instead you slam all your weight into him. Didn’t take much force to send his drunk self down.

Jason is laid on the floor saying your name and apologizing profusely, wiping the blood from his nose. You pay him no attention, looking down at the man you’ve missed so much.

“Are you okay?” You ask, grabbing his hand to help him up.

“Jason is a dick.” He smiles, referencing the first time the two of you talked.

“That’s something we can agree on.” You laugh, making a stupid joke out of the situation as an attempt to hide what you’re both too afraid to say. You examine Eddie’s face, his forehead has a small gash while a bruise is becoming more visible. You intertwine your fingers with his, leading him to the nearest bathroom. Instructing him to sit on the toilet as you rummage through the drawers. Eventually finding a first aid kit. You get to work cleaning his wound then apply the pinkest girliest bandaid you could find. Eddie’s gaze never leaves you admiring the concentration on your face as you bandage him up. He so desperately wants to say something, literally anything. Too afraid to speak.

“All better.” You smile, admiring your work. Eddie grinning back up at you, words eager to leave his lips but unwilling to do just that. The bathroom door swings open, it’s Sarah. You two break eye contact, looking to her.

“Girl I was looking all over for you. Someone said you body slammed-“ She stop when she realizes what she’s walked in on.

“Oh shit sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s okay. I’m all done.” You smile to Eddie before awkwardly saying goodbye, following Sarah out of the bathroom. Eddie sits there a few moments after you leave, cursing himself for not doing something that would warrant you staying longer.

You wanted nothing more than things to go back to normal. After that night you messaged him and tried to call him several times, no response. One day at school you had finally gained the courage to approach him only for him to ignore you. Made you realize after your many attempts at still being in Eddies life if it was going to happen it’d have to be on his terms. For a brief moment tonight things felt how they used to only for Sarah to interrupt bringing you back to reality.

“What was that?” Sarah’s asks breaking your train of thought, she’s dragging you outside where it’s much quieter.

“I don’t know.” You whisper, all the feelings you have for Eddie rushing to the top again.

“I heard Jason was beating him up so I ran to find them. Jason was on top of him and I tried to stop them but they wouldn’t listen. Jason elbowed me in the face so I said fuck it and slammed into him. Then I ended up in the bathroom with Eddie.” You explain, reaching for your chin it’s sore from the elbowing.

“I’m sorry I interrupted you guys. Maybe you two could of made up if it wasn’t for me.” She sighs, knowing how much you wanted that.

“It’s fine. I just have to accept that I fucked up and if we can ever be together, it’ll have to be one hundred percent on his terms. Can we just go?” You ask, your social battery had run out the second you left that bathroom.

“Yeah we can.” She says, understanding. As your walking through the house, Eddie walks out of the bathroom. He stops in his tracks when he sees you, you half smile before looking away following Sarah out of the party. You hop in her car, she turns the car off and starts the drive to your home.

“I still can’t believe Jason elbowed you.” Sarah huffs, when she finally makes it to you home. The party was about twenty minutes away from your home. The drive filled with silence and low music.

“I can believe it.” You laugh, even though it’s not that funny.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asks.

“Yeah it doesn’t hurt to bad. More hurt by the fact that Eddie still doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. He actually talked to me for once even it was brief.” You admit.

“Girl maybe he’s too scared or some shit. You should just message him, worst case scenario he doesn’t respond. Then you can move on.” She says so you pull your phone out, pull up the last messages you had sent to Eddie five months ago.

“You do it or I’m gonna do it.” She teases.

“Fuck it.” You say your heart beating faster than it has ever before as you try to come up with the perfect text. Eventually you land on three words, simple and to the point.

You: I miss you

“If he doesn’t respond I will be up all night stressing about it. Thanks for that.” You whine, the stress already starting to get to you. You watch the screen praying for a response. The clock reads 1:37, it’s gonna be a long night.

—

You were correct. It was nearly three am and he had yet to respond. You can’t help but wonder wether or not he has you blocked because it doesn’t even show that he’s read it. Your father was out of town again and nothing sounded better than stealing from his liquor cabinet. Drink your sorrows away. After the last time you did that you promised it would never happen again. It hasn’t happened but tonight was tempting you. Not only have you been single for five months but sober too.

When you heard a rushed knock at the door it startled you, wondering who would be showing up your house so late. Every part of you wishing it was Eddie. Your disappointment was evident when it was Jason.

“What do you want?” You spit.

“You.” He cries, the blood has dried on his face.

“Jason you need to move on, we’re done. We are never ever getting back together.” You respond, trying your best at not laughing at your Taylor Swift reference. A song you had been blasting since the official breakup as a reminder to not forget.

“I’m sorry.” He says, reaching out to you. You push his attempt away before slamming the door shut in his face. The sound of him stomping away is loud only for footsteps to come back towards your door shortly after. There’s another knock at your door, now your mad. You open the door again, angrier this time.

“Leave me the fuck-“ You yell only stopping when you realize it’s no longer Jason at your door, it’s Eddie.

“I’m sorry I thought you were Jason.” You laugh uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Yeah I would of been here sooner. He’s been crying on your porch for almost an hour.” He admits letting out a small laugh.

“You’ve been sitting out here for an hour?” You ask.

“Yeah maybe longer. I don’t know. I got your text earlier and I wanted to do this in person. He really put a damper on my plan.” He explains.

“Do what-?” You ask only to be cut off by his lips being so delicately placed on yours, his hands cupping your face softly. Like your so fragile, he’s afraid to break you. His lips move with yours as you melt into the kiss. Eventually he’s the one to pull away to catch his breath. You’re speechless, can’t begin to form words to express how you feel just the cheesiest grin on your face.

“I hope that way okay. This past five months made me realize I should have done that sooner. I can’t imagine going on any longer without you by my side. For once I was the one you were drunk texting-“ This time your the one to interrupt him.

“I wasn’t drunk. I haven’t drank in months.”

“Oh even better.” He smiles causing you to smile up at him.

“Is it okay if we do that again?” You ask shyly. Eddie nods, kissing you again only this time a lite rougher. More confident in the fact that he’s not gonna break you.

This time your the one to pull away, “I’d invite you in but if I’m being honest I miss our sleep overs at yours.”

“Grab whatever you need and let’s have a sleepover.” He laughs, letting you go. You nod before leaving Eddie outside grabbing a few belongings. When you get back outside he’s waiting for you at his van, he looks so happy watching you walk towards him. You’re the one to close the space between you two, enveloping him in a hug breathing in his smell for the first time in months. You missed this, you missed him.

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