Hello. I’m tumblring from the bath again. 👋
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Is there anything better then taking a bath while drunk and stoned?
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Shark Week in the Tub
On the second day of my period I have a bath
By then, the stomach pain has subsided to aches and shakes
Pains in my lower back and around my pelvis
There’s no sharp cuts to the abdomen; just clots upon clots of blood
It takes 12 minutes for my bath to fill
I check in four 3 minute intervals
The water is sky blue, too blue
Flakes of plaster and paint sway on my ocean sea bed
I scoop them out before I enter the separate domain
Because I don’t trust it, I don’t trust this bath
This bath I reserve for shark week
As I climb into the tub my legs fatten
To an absurd degree; so much so that I am a caricature
When I climb out in forty-five minutes
I’ll feel bloated, worked to the bone
A full-blown tick on the back of humanity
As I sink into the water the drain begins again
It gurgles, groans and shakes
Screeches in a way it restrains when I am in the shower
Like it waits for me to swim its decaying depths
Snaking its way through me in seductive waves
Faded blue and lake foam green transform
Into shades of bright copper and dying fire
A turn off to be sure
Because the drain slurps it all up
As I wash my hair in greased gestures of the hand
Its teeth begin to sharpen like a razor
It swallows my pride whole
And leaves me a mollusc husk
Empty and burdensome for the rest of my shark week
I leave my hair to dry alone
It will need to be combed, prodded soon
I sit in my pyjamas, spent on my bed, damp
Listening to the tub’s dying screed
For I escaped its gorging once again
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This feeling of loneliness - cold as ice - in my bones and curld around my soul.
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Sometimes the urge to run away and start again somewhere new is so strong.
I mean, I already feel isolated and alone in a city full of people I know, so why not feel alone somewhere strange, new and exciting?
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I had a videocall with a person I matched with on a dating app. This is the furthest I’ve ever gotten in pursuit of a romantic relationship. I’m 21. I always assumed people were dramatic about love. About knowing how they feel. How could one not know how they feel. Feeling is intrinsic. It is innate.
I do not know how I feel. I hate not knowing.
Why is being human so haaaaard
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