#astro x male reader | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emberfrostlovesloki · 7 months

Text

This Space of Ours [Hotch x Reader]

Image from @hotch-girl (beautiful work as always)

Prompt: Aaron is subjected to the whims of a sadist in search of revenge because his younger brother was put away by Agent Hotchner and the BAU team.

Category: Angst/whump/minor comfort at the end.

Word Count: 6.4K

Content Warnings: Graphic depiction of sexual assault (Hotch and a male unsub), Torture - choking, drowning, physical restraints, mention of an incel and assault (in a past case), active shooter situation (the team's current case), threat of death (via gun). suicidal ideation, hospitals, vomiting, trauma, some reckless driving, U.S. police, bodily fluids/substances, language. (If I missed any, please let me know).

A/N: Okay, so it’s October, which means whump-tober for me. First of all, this story is 18+ minors DNI. I’m being serious here. If you a minor please don’t engage. This one has a lot of content warnings. This story deals with some dark themes and scenarios and I implore you to read the content warnings before you interact with this fic. If at any time you feel uncomfortable reading, please click off. Nothing is worth your mental health and well-being! I rarely write anything this graphic, but the idea has been stuck in my head for a while. The home invasion aspect came from @luveline and her amazing story “If Things Go Bad.” (linked). I highly recommend her work. Please go and check out her blog. I honestly eat up everything she writes and she deserves all the love. Due to the dark and graphic content of this story, I ask that all comments stay respectful. If I see anything lewd or inappropriate I will delete it. Don’t go there. You can read this as a standalone, in which case this would be an established relationship between the reader and Hotch, or you could take this as a continuation of my last fic (found here), or you could read this as platonic if you squint.

As I did with my last fic, if you find yourself affected by this plot, please reach out to a loved one or someone you trust. You deserve love and support. If all else fails, I’ve attached some crisis hotlines below. There is no shame in getting help and support.

National Sexual Assualt Hotline

Self-Harm Crisis Text Line

The next story I’m writing is much lighter than this one, and there is a lot of protective Hotch involved! If you like this story, likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated. I might try to write a part two to this covering Hotch’s and the team's healing process. If that’s something you are interested in, let me know. Stay well out there everyone. If you need someone to talk to, my messages are always open. - Levi.

List with all stories

y/n = your name

_l/n_ = your last name

Hotch was headed home. He was finally headed home. The last case could have gone far worse than it had. It had been a male shooter, killing in the Houston metro area. The sprawling city and multiple police precincts hadn’t connected the killings as being perpetrated by the same person. It was clear to the team, and Spencer first, that the unsub was building up to something bigger than just shooting three, five, or ten people. It had all come to a head when Emily and y/n had found the manifesto online stating that the unsub, Jason Creeke, was going to try and kill as many people as he could at a Houston Astros game. The teams and police had rushed to the game. The stadium was packed and finding Jason in such a dense sea of bodies was difficult, even with all the police and SWAT teams present. When a gunshot rang out among the stands, chaos erupted. Aaron was the closest to the unsub, and he clearly saw the middle-aged man with a shotgun drawn and ready to fire again. Hotch’s sidearm was out in a second. He clicked the safety off and lined up the shot. Aaron made the kill shot; he could sense everyone on his team as well as the other officers relax as the active threat was taken down.

It had been pandemonium for a few minutes, but as the local law enforcement stepped in, the scene relaxed a little. Back at the local precinct, y/n had approached him as always; checking in. y/n stated, “That was a really clean shot Hotch, as always.” Aaron appreciated the comment, he just wished he didn’t have to make the shot at all. y/n could see his warring thoughts and said, “We can talk about it later if you want?” Hotch looked down at her, feeling that familiar comforting tug in his chest that only _y/n_ could pull from him. He nodded and said, “Later.” There was always a 'later' with them. Returning from a case was an exhausting ordeal. It was nice to have it over, but when the wheels touched back down in Virginia it didn’t mean that the world just stopped turning on its axis. There was paperwork and reports to be filed, the fact that another stack of possible cases would be waiting on JJ’s desk to be vetted for the team. The cycle seemed to be endless. Even if the case hadn’t been a bad one, it still wasn’t fun. Aaron and y/n rarely spent time together after returning from a case because they were tired and needed to sleep and let out any lingering emotions tied to what they had just seen. Experiencing so much trauma didn’t always make someone the most supportive person and Hotch and y/n knew that. Staying apart kept them safe from any unintended hurtful words or phrases the other might say. If things were really bad, then of course there were exceptions. Hotch would text y/n and ask her to come over or vice versa and within half an hour they would be at the other's apartment providing a comforting embrace or words, depending on what was needed. Just because they didn’t see each other in person didn’t mean they didn’t talk. y/n would always call Aaron at 8:00 PM sharp. She knew that would give him an hour or so before he would take a shower and go to bed. They would talk for however long was comfortable. Sometimes that was just saying “Goodnight,” or having more of a discussion about their work or personal lives. Often Aaron found himself talking about Jack. His son was his light and he was drawn to it in all things. y/n was happy to listen to him ramble. She loved Jack too, and she was fully aware that Jack was always going to be the number one person in Aaron’s life.

Aaron parked his car and got his briefcase and duffle bag that had all his clothes from his go-bag that needed to be laundered. He closed his car doors, locking them with his key fob. The car gave a familiar little beep as he clicked the lock button twice. He moved a few feet to his front door, ready to be out of the six o’clock sun. He was ready for a shower. He rolled his stiff neck as he unlocked his door. His apartment was dark, even though it was still bright outside. He turned to the locks on the front door. He had no idea that something, someone malignant had made its way inside before him. The unseen man stalked behind Aaron and pistol-whipped the FBI Unit Chief on the side of the head. By the time Aaron was aware that something was wrong in his periphery, it was too late. He felt a blinding pain at the back of his head and he slumped forward, uncoordinatedly against the door. He used his hands to soften the blow, but he still hit the wood with a thump. He tried to keep his feet under him, but his vision was blurring and the pain was only growing worse. For some reason, he could hear his own breathing loudly in his ears. He fell to the floor and tried to command his body to move, but it wouldn’t, couldn’t respond. He managed to turn around on the floor and just as he lost consciousness he saw a large man crouch down next to him.

Hotch woke an undetermined time later. The light was blinding against his headache, and he hadn’t even opened his eyes yet. He was restrained, hogtied so tightly that his back ached with the strain of having his hands and feet forced that close behind his back. His face was pressed against something cool and smooth. He could feel that blood was seeping down the side of his face, onto his cheek, and down over his chin. He was about to do an inventory of the rest of his body, but a sound from behind him snapped him to his full senses. He opened his eyes and realized that he was in his bathtub. Aaron turned his head to the best of his ability and saw a mountain of a man standing just outside the tub.” Aaron cleared his throat quietly, trying not to sound as scared as he felt. He took a breath and clearly asked, “Who are you? What do you want?” The man gave a gruff laugh and stepped even closer to the tub. Aaron flinched back but instantly tried to relax and not appear weak in front of the man who had him at his mercy. The man stepped into the tub and stood with both of his legs near Hotch’s prone body. The man crouched down, getting in Aaron’s face. Hotch could distinctly smell the scent of tobacco on his breath, and the man said, “You don’t need to know that yet Agent Hotchner. Just know that you’ve wronged me, and I’m here to get what I’m owed.” Aaron tried to think back to all the cases he’d worked on. He would have remembered this man. There was no way he couldn’t remember a man of this size. Aaron knew he needed to do something. He couldn’t fight his way out, given that he was restrained. Even if he wasn’t, Aaron wasn’t sure he could take this man in a fight. But if he wasn’t bound, he would sure as hell try. As the tap started running near his head, Aaron felt some water droplets splash on his face and the left side of his shirt got soaked. Hotch had to talk over the water, saying, “You don’t have to do this. We can talk.” The man placed his large hand around Aaon’s neck, restricting the airflow, so he struggled to breathe. Again the man deferred giving any information saying, “We can talk later if you’re up to it.”

Aaron didn’t like the sound of where this evening was going. After the man released his neck, Hotch sucked in a much-needed breath. As he did this, the man pulled Aaron’s hips up so he was resting on his knees and arms. His body screamed in protest against having most of his weight on his arms, knees, and shins. He was also unstable in his position. He had to engage his core to stay at least relatively steady. Before Aaron could get his bearing the man roughly pushed Hotch’s hip forward, and his upturned face was pushed under the steady stream of cold water coming from the tap. Aaron coughed and struggled under the flow as his air supply was cut off again. Hotch trashed to try and turn his face away. The man watched with some amusement, as the FBI agent floundered. As Aaron tried to turn his head away, the man took a fistful his his hair and held his face steady under the water. No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop the water from getting into his airways. Hotch had his mouth tightly closed, but his nostrils were letting the water in. To call the sensation uncomfortable was an understatement His eyes and lungs burned at the water and lack of air. He was sure he would pass out in a second if something didn’t change. He wondered for a moment if this man was going to keep holding his head there until he expired. As his vision started to blur, he thought of Jack and then y/n. Their happy smiling faces popped into his mind and if he was going to die, he was grateful that both of them would be the last thing he thought of; at least consciously.

When he was sure he couldn’t take anymore, the man pushed Aaron onto his side and out of the stream of the spigot. Aaron coughed so hard he felt his lungs strain with the effort. The water that had gotten into his body was expelled from his mouth and nose in waves. When the water was excised, he took needy breaths clenching his eyes closed against the pain. For a moment the physical pain of his body was replaced with the fact that he had almost lost consciousness. Just as he was able to breathe normally again, the man pushed Hotch back onto his back and under the water. This ritual happened three more times and by the time the tap was turned off, Hotch was so exhausted that all that he could do was take shaky breaths as he lay on his side on the wet tub’s bottom. Aaron left a brief moment of relief as the rope holding his arms and legs was severed and his back got a break from its arched position. He actually breathed a sigh of relief as his body straightened out. His arms were still strained but at least he could breathe properly now. Hotch hardly noticed as the man cut the zip ties holding his feet together. He was shocked back to his body as the man pulled him up with large hands under his armpits. Hotch was half dragged, half stumbled into his bedroom. The lamps were on and he didn't know how he hadn’t noticed the light that would have emanated from the crack in the door of his living room. Hotch stilled those thoughts as he was pushed onto his bed, his head still swimming from what he had been through and how he had been moved like a doll. As his face was pressed into the mattress he could distinctly smell the acrid scent of urine on the soft surface. He cringed against his comforter. He was not only scared, but now he felt humiliation and shame course through him. There were these emotions but also anger. A hot rage just under the surface that this would be happening to him. ‘Focus,’ Aaron thought, maybe he could stop whatever this madman was planning next. In this position, he felt exposed and vulnerable, and he felt that it didn’t bode well for what was coming next.

Hotch found his voice and said, “Clearly you think I’ve wronged you somehow. Would you tell me what I’ve done to upset you? Why do I need to be punished?” The man behind him whom he couldn’t quite see gave a gruff laugh, and the sound of a buckle being undone had Hotch freeze instantly. Certainly, this wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t happen. The man lay down on top of Hotch. Aaron could feel the man was semi-hard and he had to still to stop from squirming. The weight of the man above him was enough to cause him to struggle to breathe. He wondered if strangulation was a signature of his. Aaron's arms also screamed in protest. Aaron thought his shoulders might pop out of their sockets. The man’s hot breath on the nape of his neck sent a shiver of revulsion down Aaron’s spine. The man finally spoke and said, “You want to know who I am? I’m Brent Parolt’s older brother, Steve. You sent my little brother away for life for something he couldn’t help. Something he was owed.” Aaron took a moment to connect the dots as his brain was functioning in overdrive.

Parolt was a bad case, one of the worst. The twenty-nine-year-old was an incel and was assaulting and torturing women in the Washington State area. There was a general panic in the surrounding community which had made finding the man responsible even more difficult. When the man had received five concurrent life sentences in a high-security prison, Hotch knew that this would never be enough to make up for what those women had been through.

Steve was now kissing Aaron’s neck, and Hotch could help his body from thrashing. Again, Aaron commanded his body to be still. To not show how much this was affecting him. Hotch found his voice again and said, “You believe your brother had the right to brutally assault women?” Hotch was hoping to distract Steve. The man ran a hand down Aaron’s chest and lower to his navel, and Hotch flexed his muscles, tense under the unwanted touch. Steve felt it as well and replied, “Sure my brother might have been fucked in the head, but it wasn’t his fault he was bad with girls, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be able to fuck ‘em. I remember watching the news and you said that those women, the victims, didn’t want his advances. Well, I intend to show you what it really means to not want something. I’m going to make my brother look like a saint to you.”

Hotch felt Steve working at the buckle of his own pants and he wondered if he could turn over somehow and hit this man in the groin full force. It might be enough to incapacitate him. Aaron found his pants and briefs pulled off and the cool air on his exposed body sent another shiver through him. Aaron was going to speak again to try and get out of this. Maybe he could make the man enraged, enraged enough to make him torture him another way. Any other way. However, the start of his sentence was cut off, as he felt a finger trace up his thigh and ass. There wasn’t time to do anything before that finger was inside of him. In an area that got little attention outside the shower and bathroom. Aaron grunted at the discomfort he felt at being opened up in this way. He closed his eyes both against the pain and humiliation rising in him. After a moment, another finger was added next to the first. Steve started moving them inside the man under him; he got more excited as he worked at the opening. The deranged man was feeling himself with his other hand, getting ready for the big finale. After a few moments, Steve removed his fingers from Hotch and wiped them on the sheet near Aaron’s face. Hotch turned his face the other way, refusing to look at what was staining his bedding apart from the urine. The sound of Steve removing his clothes had Aaron still again. As he was violated, he let himself let go. His mind found something, anything to think about other than what was happening to him in the current moment.

Once Steve had fully seated himself in the trembling man beneath him, he started moving inside Hotch. He was doing this as revenge: as justice for his brother, his best friend, and his support system. As Steve started picking up the pace, the pleasure centers in his brain fired full force and he stopped himself from moving faster, this was a lesson to Aaron, and he wanted it to last. The horrifying scene was cut with a knife as the sound of a phone ringing resounded throughout the room. Steve moved back from Aaron, and Hotch let out a shaky breath. He didn't know if he had been breathing for the last few minutes. There was the relief that Steve was out of him, but then the horrifying realization that _y/n_ was calling him, and this man was here, that she might hear what was happening. Hotch sent a silent prayer to any god that the man would just hang up the phone. If he did that then y/n would still know something was wrong. He didn’t miss her calls unless something was really wrong. She would call Emily or Derek first to see if they could reach him. If they hadn’t, she would call him again and then if there wasn’t an answer, she would ride over to wherever his location was. Hotch had thought this was a bit extreme at first, but he realized that in their line of work, not picking up could mean things were seriously wrong -- as they were now.

Hotch’s prayer wasn’t answered, as Steve fished the phone from his discarded pants pocket along with Aaron’s gun. Steve undid the safety of the handgun and moved back to the bed, pressing the cold metal of the weapon to Aaron’s temple; he also looked at the caller ID. He recognized the smiling female agent on the screen as having also worked the case that had gotten his brother sent away. With this, the man answered the call, setting the phone near Aaron’s face. Hotch listened as y/n said warmly, “Hey, Aaron. Just calling to talk about ‘later.’ How are you feeling?” Aaron kept his mouth shut, but the feeling of Steve thrusting into him hard, made him groan loudly in pain. He bit the inside of his mouth so hard that he could taste blood on his tongue. There was a pause on the line and Hotch could picture y/n standing in her kitchen, confused by what the hell that noise was. There was a long pause and Aaron did his best to not make any other sounds. Finally, there was a response as y/n said, “Aaron, Aaron, what’s going on?” There was a hint of panic in her voice, the pitch of it was high and stressed. Steve answered for Aaron saying, “Agent Hotchner isn’t available right now.” This time the pause was shorter, and y/n said, “Who are you, what are you doing to him?” Steve moved roughly again and Aaron made the same noise as before. Steve replied, “I think you can guess Agent _l/n_. Now be good for me and don’t say another word, because if you do, I’ll shoot Agent Hotchner in the head with his gun that I have pointed at his temple.” There was silence, as y/n wasn’t going to take a threat like that lightly. She never would. It was just the sound of heavy breathing on the other end of the line and Steve’s frantic carnal movements making noise now. Aaron was back in that place in his mind from before, where he could hide from all that was happening. Steve pulled him back from that place by asking, “Your agent is using your first name. It’s very informal of her. Are you fucking her, Aaron? That’s not very professional of you.” Aaron stayed silent, refusing to answer the question. However, when the man pushed the gun a little harder to the side of his face, Aaron managed to bark out, “Yes.” The man let out a laugh and replied, “Let’s see you try and be intimate with her after this.” At that moment Aaron wished the man would just shoot him to have this pain and humiliation be over with.

y/n was standing in her living room in a state of shock. She had dropped the glass or water she had been holding and the glass shards were spread far across her cement floor. When the unknown man who was holding Aaron hostage spoke again, she finally snapped out of her frozen state. She couldn’t speak or Aaron would die, so she put her side of the line on mute, just to make sure no noise she made could be heard. y/n began by recording the call, and then she rushed to her gun safe and closet to get her holster. While doing this, she put Aaron’s call on hold and called Morgan. He lived closest to Aaron. She waited and prayed that her teammate was at home and would pick up. After the second ring, there was an answer and Derek said, “Hey baby girl, what’s up?” Hearing Derek’s chipper voice made her cringe, but she swallowed the feeling and said, “It’s Aaron. He’s being assaulted at his apartment.” There was a short silence before Derek responded, almost not believing what he had heard with, “What?” y/n cleared her throat and said, “There’s someone in Aaron’s apartment. He’s getting assaulted right now. I have him on another line. I can hear what’s happening.” At the last sentence, y/n’s voice broke and she tried to hold in the sob that escaped her throat. Derek was moving now in his townhouse getting his keys and gun. He spoke clearly saying, “I’m on my way y/n. I’ll call Emily and Rossi, you call local LEOs. Keep Aaron on the line and mute me. We’ll go get him get him out of there.” _y/n_ nodded and said shakely, “Okay.” She could hear Morgan’s car door close and the engine start before she muted him. She dialed the police and informed them of the situation happening at Aaron’s address. When this was finished she pulled her helmet from the wall and grabbed her keys racing down the stairs. y/n connected the Bluetooth to her helmet, as she flew down the flight of stairs. The sound of her motorcycle engine running under her muffled the sounds that Hotch and the unsub were making. She could hear the pained noise that Aaron was trying to hold in. She knew those sounds would haunt her dreams. She cursed that she lived so far away from Hotch, but was glad that Morgan and Emily were close by. She knew Derek would get there before her and in some tiny, tiny way she was grateful. y/n wasn’t sure what she would do if she was the one to make it to Aaron’s place before anyone else. _y/n_ drove fast, faster than she probably should, but her friend was suffering and the sooner she got there, the more she could try and help him; whatever helping Aaron looked like in a situation like this.

After a few more minutes she heard Derek break into Aaron’s room and his barking command to the unsub to get off of Hotch, immediately. There were sounds of a scuffle and a shot rang out. It was so loud that it momentarily deafened y/n, and she wondered if her love or her friend had just been wounded or killed. It took a minute before she could hear again and when she did, she realized that whoever had been attacking Aaron was the person shot. The man was making painful sobbing noises and she heard Derek pull out his metal cuffs, demanding the man move to the other side of the room. Hearing the man in pain brought a sick kind of pleasure to y/n and for a moment she thought she might be sick, but there wasn’t time for that. There wasn’t time. In the daze of her getting closer and closer to Aaron’s apartment, she could hear the sirens on the other end of the line and then there was Emily’s voice speaking to Derek, finding out what was going on. She could still hear Aaron breathing, in raspy inhalations and exhalations. She could hear Derek close by saying, “Hotch, paramedics are on the way. Try and stay still. Help’s on the way.” There was an incoherent response from Aaron.

Finally, y/n screeched to a stop in front of Aaron’s unit. There were three police cruisers and as y/n dismounted, Rossi’s car arrived at nearly the same time. y/n took off her helmet and Rossi ran over to her to check in. They both flashed their badges to the officer near the door and y/n and Rossi moved aside as the unsub was moved outside to get medical assistance and be moved to the hospital under police custody. If she hadn’t been so anxious to get to Aaron’s side she would have stopped and looked at the monster that had hurt Aaron, but she didn’t. Even seeing the massive man filling the dim entryway would be another thing from tonight that would be seared into her brain forever. Rossi stayed downstairs to speak with the officers. y/n took the stairs two at a time and moved down the hall past Hotch’s guest room and bathroom. y/n landed in Aaron’s room and Derek and Emily were near Aaron’s bed, but giving him space. Derek moved aside to let y/n pass him. As y/n moved closer to Aaron, Morgan put a comforting hand on her shoulder to let her know she wasn’t alone in this. That none of them were alone in this, especially Aaron. Before y/n got too close to him she said his name. She had her palms up to demonstrate that she wasn’t a threat to him. “Aaron, I’m here.” Aaron made a small noise and y/n slowly moved forward. She knelt by the bed but didn’t get any closer. The very sight of him right now could make her cry and sob and curse every god she could think of, but Hotch didn’t need that right now. Aaron was blinking slowly, and he looked dazed, and not fully present. y/n knew she had to hold it together for him. She could let it go later. She looked over his form. He was on his stomach with a blanket covering his lower half. His hair was wet, and she could see bruising on his neck. There were also abrasions on his wrists. y/n turned to Emily and asked, “What’s the ETA on the paramedics?” The question didn’t need to be answered as more sirens cut through the night.

The next three hours were a blur for everyone. Rossi ended up riding with Aaron to the hospital and everyone gave their statements to the police. By this point, the whole team was at Aaron’s apartment. After the statements were taken, the team headed to the hospital. y/n rode with Emily, and once she was in the car she broke down for the first time that night. The sobs came unbidden and they moved through her body so strongly that she couldn’t breathe properly. Emily very briefly took her eyes off the road and looked at y/n. Emily tried to say some words of comfort to an impossible wound. All she could think of saying was, “We’re going to be there for him, y/n. I promise you.” When y/n was able to breathe again, she weakly replied, “Just hearing, hearing him…” y/n was cut off by another sob and Emily realized that y/n was traumatized too. Prentiss knew that this event was going to shake the team, shake the very foundation of their bond and she wondered if they could ever be as they once had.

At the hospital Garcia held onto y/n for dear life, repeating softly that it would be alright, over and over and over like a lullaby. When y/n took a moment to get a drink of water, Rossi followed her and said, “Derek told me that you were on the phone with him when this happened? You call him every night, don’t you?” y/n nodded, not trying to hide her closeness with Hotch right now. She was too tired and braindead to lie. Her phone calls with Hotch felt so trivial right now. Dave nodded and said, “You realize you probably saved his life by calling him, right?” y/n eyes found Rossi’s and she softy said, “Dave I.” Rossi cut her off saying, “Tonight has been awful. What happened to Aaron was the worst possible thing I can think of happening to anyone on the team, but I need you to know _y/n_ that you probably saved his life. If you hadn’t called him we might not be standing here right now.” Rossi left it at that and allowed y/n to move back to the rest of the team.

A few hours later the primary trauma specialist, Dr. Ramirez came to inform the team about Hotch's condition. y/n tried to pay attention, but it was all so overwhelming. She listened about the internal damage and the need for rest and therapy, both physical and mental. The conversation continued and she did her best, but her best didn’t feel good enough right now. Derek could see her fatigue and he wrapped an arm around y/n’s shoulder, letting her lean on him.

After a day and much protestation from Aaron, he was released. Rossi, Morgan, and y/n were there for his discharge, and the doctor asked where Aaron would be staying for the next few days because they would need a primary contact in case something went wrong. Aaron knew that he could stay with anyone on the team. They would all have him and try to treat him with care. To not make this awkward for him. He really considered Rossi’s, but deep down he knew who he was going to choose. He looked over at y/n and she gave him a small affirmative nod. He noticed how tired y/n looked. How the bags under her eyes stood out. He turned his attention back to the nurse and said, “I’ll stay with y/n, _l/n_. The nurse took down her information and after another two hours, Aaron and _y/n_ were being driven back to her apartment by Rossi. The drive was silent and there was a lingering discomfort at the silence in the car's cabin. The older man helped Aaron into y/n’s unit and guided him to sit on the couch. Aaron flinched at the contact and Rossi quietly said, “Sorry.” Hotch waved away the comment. His pain medication regimen was helping, but the soreness in his body lingered. Rossi made it clear that either y/n or Aaron could call him at any time. No holds barred and he’d be there as fast as he could. Derek had moved y/n’s bike back to its spot and was going to bring Hotch some new clothes that afternoon. As Rossi exited the main room, he spoke to y/n in the hallway saying, “Please be kind to yourself _y/n_, and really, if you need anything, please tell me.” y/n nodded and agreed to take his help if she or Aaron needed it.

Once Rossi was gone, y/n got Aaron a glass of water and the first dose of his pain and antibiotic medication. She portioned out the dosages and walked over to him. She gently said, “Here you go.” Aaron grabbed the glass and pills and took them with a swallow of water. y/n turned to her kitchen counter where she had a chart to track the dosage and medication she should be giving him. She crossed off the first two spots. When this was done, she walked back to Aaron and sat across from him in a chair from her kitchen table. The silence in the room was suffocating and y/n softly said, “Aaron.” Hotch looked over to _y/n_ saying, “I can’t y/n. I just can’t right now.” y/n swallowed and nodded. She knew Aaron was a private man. A man who liked to be in control of his emotions and surroundings and that had all been stripped of him two days ago. She could only imagine what he was thinking and feeling at the moment. y/n asked another question, giving him choices saying, “Would you like to rest here or in the bedroom? Would you like something to eat?” Aaron thought about these options. His pain medication made him drowsy and it helped his sore body to be stretched out. It distributed the pain more evenly. Aaron replied, “I’d like to take a nap in your room.” y/n nodded again and she helped him up. Hotch tried to walk normally. He wanted to act normal, but his body betrayed him. He shuffled to y/n’s bedroom and he gently lowered himself onto the mattress. y/n pulled the covers back for him and then moved around the space, lowering the blinds to darken the space. When she was sure Hotch was as comfortable as possible using extra pillows to support his body, she asked, “Would you like me to stay in here with you, or would you like to be alone for a while.” Aaron sounded desperate for the first time as he said, “Stay with me, please.” y/n moved to the chair in her room and settled down to be with Aaron as he rested.

As Aaron closed his eyes and tried to find sleep, but all he could think about was how he wished none of this had happened. How he was going to have to take time off. How he would have to take a psychological evaluation to return to the field. How he’d have to talk to Strauss and Strauss’s boss about this. How he’d have to go back the the hospital for checkups and therapy. He was thinking of everything but what had happened. He looked over to y/n and she looked too sad and concerned. He thought that she might start crying. She looked like she was trying so hard not to think of him differently, like a victim. He felt a hot shame course through him as he remembered that she had to hear his ordeal. Aaron thought that he might start crying if he wasn’t very careful. But he was tired and as much as he tried to fight it, sleep finally took him. It took _y/n_ as well after a half hour. She slumped against the wall and had unsettled dreams.

Aaron woke with a start. It was still light out and he felt nauseous. He tried to make it to the bathroom, but he didn’t even make it out of the bed before he vomited on the covers. His noises made y/n jerk awake and she moved over to him. He was on a liquid diet, so the act of throwing up was not the worst, but it still wasn’t pleasant. y/n knelt near the bed. She rubbed a hand on his lower back to comfort him. It was the first real intentional touch she had given him since the attack. When the content of his stomach was emptied he muttered, “I’m sorry, y/n.” y/n shook her head no and said, “You don’t have to be sorry, Aaron. It’s alright. If you can go to the bathroom to wash out your mouth, I’ll change the sheets.” Hotched avoided the puddle of vomit and moved into the adjoined bathroom. He didn’t look in the mirror as he swilled water in his mouth and down the drain. He moved to the chair y/n had just been in. It was still warm from her body heat. He watched as y/n removed the soiled bedding and replaced it with fresh sheets from the hallway closet. When the sheets were changed and she had grabbed a fresh blanket, Hotch moved back to the bed. As he sat down, the flood of emotions he had been holding back couldn’t be stopped anymore. It started with heightened breathing, but the tears came next in wave after wave and he was powerless to stop them. y/n stood close by, wringing her hands, not knowing what to do. y/n said his name, and Aaron looked up at her and he pleaded, “Can you hold me, y/n. Please.” y/n wanted to rush to him, to hold him tightly to her, to give him all the support she could, but she didn’t know if it would trigger him. Throw him back to that dark place. Aaron repeated his plea and y/n couldn’t hold back any longer. y/n slowly moved toward him. She softly, carefully wrapped her arms around his chest.” Aaron leaned forward into her and wept. When y/n was sure he was alright with this, she tightened her grip on him slightly.

Neither of them tried to speak, because what could be said? What could be said to make up for the pain, hurt, and loss? And so they stayed there like that. y/n had never seen Aaron cry. At least not like this and it spoke to the deep, deep hurt he was experiencing. y/n wondered if healing from such pain as Aaron’s existed. She knew that they had to just keep moving one foot in front of the other, but how could they do that if the ground had suddenly fallen out from under them? Not just them, but the whole team? It was painful and hard and y/n never thought that they would be here like this. But in the midst of all of this pain and hurt, she was just glad that Aaron was alive. That he was here in this space. That he had trusted her to come and rest and be. So they stayed there, and it wasn’t perfect, it might never be again, but at least they were there, together.

Text Break Banners by @cafekitsune

Tag list: (🩷) @tgskitten @geminitapestry

Want to be added to my tag list? Please check out this post (linked)

Want to send in a request? Please check out this post, CM Request Post (linked)

27 notes · View notes