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#asexual is not an umbrella term for aro
archivomeow · 1 month
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people that use “asexual” to say aromantic or both aromantic AND asexual annoy me.
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shmaroace · 10 months
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the broadness of the terms aromantic and asexual is great because they can literally mean whatever they want to mean for you it's so unrestrictive.
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maburp · 1 year
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love-too · 2 years
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Today I bring to you, aro/ace doggo
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ellilyre · 1 year
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I'm begging you all
Do not hc kids as aroace. Aroace is not a phase everyone go through before puberty. Kids does not need queer hc (or maybe "she haves a gf to whom she gives her best drawings" but don't use labels for little kids. For pre teen and big children just say if they ever got a crush or thoughts a specific friend is pretty).
Do not hc traumatized characters as aro/ace. Ofc they can but do not make their traumas turn them aro/ace. You can be repulsed/avoid sex/love as a traumas response (and many others reasons) without being aro/ace
It's the same as hc a woman as lesbian bc a man hurted her. Aro/ace coming from (lack of) puberty/traumas are some of the biggest stereotypes we have to face. If you want to be a safe place and ally, do not repeat it
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thatringboy · 2 years
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so youre an aroace queer man with a girlfriend?
You must be new here
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I introduce myself as aroace and I always wonder if I should stick the -spec in there. And then, I think it doesn't really matter. Because at the end of the day, I don't owe it to anyone to tell them the intricacies of my romantic or sexual orientation. So, to all the aspecs and ace-specs and aro-specs and grey aces and grey aros and everyone who doesn't feel 'ace' enough or 'aro' enough, y'all can use the term.
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romancerepulsed · 4 months
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aspec terms for beginners!
since it's trending right now, i feel like it might be helpful to clear up some basic aspec (but particularly aromantic, as we are the center of attention currently) terms. if you have absolutely any questions, i would be happy to answer, either in the replies, dms, or my inbox!
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the split attraction model (SAM): a model of human behavior that posits that, for some people, romantic and sexual attraction are not the same.
[most often this will come in the form of someone being aspec on one axis and allo (not aspec) on another. for example, a biromantic asexual may be romantically attracted to two or more genders, but sexually attracted to none. some people may even use SAM for allo identities– a bisexual lesbian may be sexually attracted to multiple genders, but only romantically attracted to women (note that this is not the only way that someone can be an mspec lesbian, just one way!). the SAM does not apply to everybody, not even all aspecs! there are non-SAM aros, for instance, who do not differentiate their aromanticism from their sexuality.]
aspec: a collection of queer spectrums centered around the lack of a certain attraction or identity. the most common spectrums under the aspec umbrella are asexual, aromantic, agender, and aplatonic, though there are many other ways to be aspec.
asexual: experiencing little to no sexual attraction.
[aces can still have sex– whether its because they experience some amount of sexual attraction or they just want to participate in sex because they find the act appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aces who have not and will never have sex. it is a spectrum.]
aromantic: experiencing little to no romantic attraction.
[aros can still have romantic partners– whether its because they experience some amount of romantic attraction or they just find relationships appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aros who have not and will never be in a romantic relationship. it is a spectrum.]
agender: having no gender or little relation to any gender.
aplatonic: experiencing little to no platonic attraction.
[similarly to aros and aces, apls can still form friendships if they so desire– whether its because they experience some amount of platonic attraction or they find friendships appealing in some other way.]
aroallo: combination of aromantic and allosexual– allosexual being someone who fully experiences sexual attraction. an aroallo, then, is someone who is aromantic but not asexual. aroallos often do not have a standard relationship with sex due to its romantic connotations and the stigma against loveless sex. someone having sex with someone else they do not love does not inherently make them aroallo, much in the same way that having a nonsexual relationship with a partner doesn't inherently make either participant asexual.
aroace: someone who is both aromantic and asexual. because aro and ace are both spectrums, an aroace may still experience some amount of attraction on either or both of those spectrums, or they may experience attraction of some other kind (platonic, tertiary, etc.), and that attraction may be only for a certain gender or genders– these are known as oriented aroaces.
queerplatonic relationship: a type of relationship that is defined only by the people within it. i have a post dedicated to explaining this in larger detail.
partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has and/or desires to have a partnership or multiple partnerships– romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise.
non-partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has no desire to form a partnership of any kind.
romance/sex/plato favorable: an aspec who desires or would not reject a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship. they are also generally not particularly bothered by seeing these relationships in their day-to-day.
romance/sex/plato repulsed: an aspec who does not desire a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship and generally does not like seeing those relationships in their day-to-day. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily judgemental towards people who desire or participate in those relationships, they just do not desire them for themselves. repulsion often takes the form of discomfort or annoyance. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily cruel sticks-in-the-mud– they are perfectly capable of being respectful, and they very often are. repulsion does not always stem from trauma, though it certainly can.
romance/sex/plato positive: not to be confused with favorability, [x] positivity is the belief that romance, sex, and platonic relationships are human rights that should be supported and uplifted. someone can be [x] repulsed and [x] positive at the same time, because favorability/repulsion revolves around the self, and positivity/negativity extends to others.
sex/romance/plato negative: not to be confused with repulsion, [x] negativity is an inherently judgemental and harmful ideology. most commonly in the form of sex negativity, these ideologies are centered around the opposition to or personal judgement of people who engage in romance, sex, or platonic relationships. sex negativity in particular is embedded in western white supremacist societies and it is important for aspecs not to play into that.
those are the basics, but i have more information below the cut!
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> how are aspecs queer?
aspecs are queer because "queer" does not only mean LGBT. queer theory is about far more than just LGBT people– though they are undeniably a large part of it– queerness is any subversion of the traditional cisheteronormative standard. this includes things that cishets may take part in/identify with, because you do not have to be LGBT to subvert those standards. cishets who are gender-nonconforming are queer, for example. a good rule of thumb is that if you have to explain what you whole deal is to cishets, you're queer. queer does mean strange, after all.
traditional cisheteronormative conceptions of attraction, gender, and relationships do not account for aspecs. it is expected that everyone will one day form a traditional partnership with one other person, and that relationship will include sex (even if only for procreation, under some dogmas). virginity past a certain age is seen as a point of shame and something indicative of a larger problem in someone– in men, a red flag even. people past 30 without a relationship are pitied. our economic structure is build for couples and families– it's near impossible for someone to live comfortably alone. romance, friendship, and love are placed on a pedestal, treated as the meaning of life, the best thing anyone could ever experience. "love is the point of everything," as many posts on this site like to claim. people who reject these ideas are undeniably queer.
> i can get behind aros and aces, but the whole "aplatonic" thing feels like a stretch to me. how is not having friends queer? "platonic attraction" isn't even real.
aplatonicism is more than just "not having friends," and many apls have friends anyway, much in the same way that aros can date and aces can have sex. someone who does not have friends is not inherently aplatonic, they only are if they identify that little-to-no platonic attraction in themselves and choose to label themselves that way (just like how virgins aren't inherently asexual). still, apls who don't have friends exist, and they are all queer. what is a greater subversion of traditional cisheteronormative relationship structures than an outright rejection of what's seen as the most basic, fundamental relationship our culture has to offer?
you may not feel that platonic attraction is a distinct phenomenon in your own experience, and that's fine! ultimately, a lot of aspec terms exist for the utility and comfort of aspecs themselves. the SAM isn't for everyone, and platonic attraction isn't for everyone either. you do not have the authority to tell people what their own experiences are, nor should you care.
> i think it's sad that you're limiting yourself with these labels. you'll find someone one day!
for the broad majority of aspecs, our identities are not self-disciplinary, nor are they necessarily permanent. all queer people are capable of misunderstanding their identity or having a fluid identity– it is not a problem unique to being aspec. that being said, a lot of us may always be aspec and completely happy with it. being aspec is not a tragedy. the only thing i don't like about being aromantic is the judgement i receive from other people about it. non-partnering aspecs are not "missing out" on anything, because we don't even want the things we're rejecting in the first place. many of us are romance/sex/plato repulsed and are far more happy engaging with the world and with other people in different ways, because there is so, so much more to life than relationships, and it's wrong to presume that relationships are universally fit for everybody. telling an aspec that they'll find "the right person" one day is no different from telling a lesbian she'll find "the right man" one day. there is no "right person" for an aspec just as there's no "right man" for a lesbian. a lesbian is not "missing out" on a heterosexual relationship just because it's culturally perceived as superior and more fulfilling.
[disclaimer before anyone tries to do a "gotcha," i'm talking about a lesbian who is fully not attracted to men in any way. it's not like homophobes know the intricacies of gender identity and nonconformity as it pertains to homosexuality anyways.]
lastly, i wanna give a special shout out to the loveless aros and the relationship anarchists.
loveless aros are those who either feel little-to-no love as they understand it, or they are someone who supports the de-centering of love. they're worthy of a whole post of their own, but in summary: the loveless experience is all about finding joy in yourself and the countless things our world has to offer that are not dependent on the vague idea of love.
relationship anarchy is another concept worthy of its own post, but in essence it's an ideology aimed at abolishing the standard hierarchy of relationships (in the USA, depending on who you ask, its typically friendship < family < romantic partnership or friendship < romantic partnership < family) and allowing everyone the autonomy to define their relationships for themselves.
if i made any mistakes, let me know! and of course i'm willing to answer any questions anyone may have. :-3 thanks for reading my long ass post!
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i get that many aroaces experience their aromanticism and asexuality as connected in some way, but it's still important to acknowledge that "aroace" and "aro/ace" are not umbrella terms for the entire aspec community. as somebody whose aromanticism and allosexuality are inextricably intertwined and can't be fully separated from one another, you don't see me using "aroallo" for all aspecs - that clearly wouldn't be an accurate reflection of the whole community! "aspec" is a good term that includes all of us - please consider using it when referring to the general community.
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robynochs · 2 months
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Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week! 💚🤍🖤 Celebrated the week after Valentine's Day, ASAW is a great time to learn more about aromantic identities and experiences, as well as the unique challenges aromantic individuals face.
Here's some basic information as well as links to further resources.
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What is 'Aromantic' (Aro)?
Aromantic describes people who experience little to no romantic attraction, or whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.
They may or may not experience other types of attraction and many have any sexual orientation
Aro is a shorthand for aromantic that is also commonly used as an umbrella term for people on the aromantic spectrum
Aroace refers to someone who is on both the aromantic spectrum and the asexual spectrum
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The Aromantic Spectrum
While some aromantic people feel no romantic attraction at all, some people feel it rarely, experience it only under certain conditions, have trouble distinguishing between romantic and other types of attraction, or have some other pattern of attraction that doesn't fit the norm.
There are many different terms for these different patterns of attraction, but all fit under the broader term aromantic spectrum.
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Other Important Terms
Demiromantic - describes a person who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand.
Grayromantic (gray aromantic) - describes a person who feels romantic attraction very rarely, weakly, unreliably or gains/loses attraction in unusual or unknown circumstances.
Queerplantonic Relationship (QPR) - relationships that don't fit into the categories of what is traditionally considered to be a friendship or a romantic relationship. They many or many not be sexual, involve living together, raising children, shared finances & life decisions, etc.
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About ASAW
Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (ASAW) is a week meant to spread awareness and acceptance of aromantic spectrum identities and the issues they face, as well as a chance for the community to celebrate its own experiences and existence.
ASAW generally occurs the first full week following Valentine's Day; it began in large part as a way for those in the aromantic community who had difficulty finding space for their experiences in such a universally romanticized event to come together and celebrate their own unique experiences.
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More Info & Resources
www.arospecweek.org
www.aromanticism.org
www.taaap.org/
www.aromanticguide.com/
www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/
www.acesandaros.org/
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Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week from Robyn Ochs and Alex Runion
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lavellyne · 10 months
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just wanted to say, this is a safe space for any asexual and aromantic folks and anyone under these umbrella terms.
if you don't support aces/aros, demis or graysexuals please unfollow and leave me alone
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Some fucking allos have ruined the aroace tags so much that our community is trying to make a new label to mean LITTLE TO NO INTEREST IN SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC ATTRACTION
Mother fuckers I’m all for labels and micro labels collect them all and all that (aegoseuxal repulsed aro pansexual??? gender queer here, while I’m here she/her today thx -Jamie)
But aromantic means LITTLE TO NO ROMANTIC ATTRACTION or fluctuating romantic attraction
Asexual means LITTLE TO NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION or fluctuating sexual attraction
And before anyone is like “oh how do you know it was the allos?”
Guys while I’m not 100% sure ->
In there posts the reason why this new identity exists it quote “in search of a new label that could simply indicate "no experience at all, no interest at all" without being misunderstood.” And heavily implied it multiply other times in the posts.
The reason they feel like this is they (the group using this new label) feels like aromantic gets confused to much with the umbrella terms and arospec.
I’m not stopping you from using this label guys, but please don’t let people ruin current labels for you
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Daily reminder that using "asexual" as an umbrella term for ace-spec identities is fine and good.
But also,
Daily reminder that using "asexual" as an umbrella term for ace *and* aro-spec identities is not.
Aromanticism is not a subset of asexuality, and should not be grouped under the term asexual as if it is. Doing so erases aromantic allosexual people by making being asexual a barrier to entry to being aromantic.
No, it doesn't matter that's how it's been used in the past. Terminology changes. No, it doesn't matter if you don't mean it that way, people trying to figure out their identity will still see that you're grouping aromantic under asexual and assume they can't be aromantic because they're not asexual (partially why it took me so long to figure out I'm aro).
That's all.
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frazelforever · 2 years
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Y’all. It’s 2022. I don’t need ace and aro discourse on my dash. Asexual can be used as an umbrella term for those on the spectrum. Same goes for aromantic. If you are questioning, identify as such if you want! Oh you’re demi? Of course you can use the flag! You’re some other label? Yeah, I’d love for you to use our flag! Don’t gatekeep our own community. Aromantic/asexual can define anyone who doesn’t experience romance/sex the same way allos do.
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aspecpolls · 30 days
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Arospecs and Aspecs, how do you interpret “AroAce”?
- It refers only to those who are both aromantic and asexual
- It’s an umbrella term that also includes those who are only Aro or Ace
- Results/Other
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just-wont-shut-up · 4 months
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on a more positive note.
if you think you're aromantic and/or asexual because you don't think you have ever felt romantic and/or sexual attraction to other people, you are most likely asexual/aromantic.
i used to think i was aroace, because i struggle with sex and i struggle with romantic feelings. until i met my current boyfriend. the romantic attraction i feel for him is so overwhelming i can barely contain myself, not to mention the sexual attraction.
it's not something you do out of convenience, or for comfort, or anything like that. it takes over you, these deep feelings for a person, so much you can barely recognize yourself anymore.
you only know if you feel it once you've felt it, so, if you're not sure if you've felt it before, or if anyone is trying to convince you that you have felt it (because that used to happen to me a lot when i came out as aroace), you most likely have not felt it before.
i still consider myself to be aroace, because demisexuality and demiromanticism (which would describe me better) fall under the aroace umbrella and it's a term i like and have gotten used to.
so. for my fellow aros and aces out there, don't let people bully you into thinking you're in the wrong and you are actually not aro or ace. people used to tell me "oh but no one actually wants to have sex with anyone, that's just normal" or "people just date people they like, they don't feel romantic attraction", and that's bullshit.
romantic and sexual attraction are two feelings that take over you and if you're not sure if you have felt them before, then you most likely haven't.
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