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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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May I please ask where you set the boundaries when constructing a crossover? (i.e. How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work? How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix? and so forth).

I could be off the mark here, but this question sounds like you yourself got a very big idea planned but you are unsure of how far you can, or want to, push the concept. Two words of advice upfront: 1: Stop overthinking it, and 2: Run your ideas by people whose judgment you know and trust. I run some of my biggest and stupidest ideas by friends of mine and they help me make them less stupid or at least stupider but in a better way.

I mentioned in my post about potential Shadow crossovers that "boundaries" are not the priority to fret over so much as having a good working knowledge of the characters. And part of that is because a crossover, by design, already constitutes the breaking of boundaries. That's by default what a crossover does. You don't wanna test or break boundaries, then you picked the wrong kind of story.

A crossover is still a story like any other. Two characters meeting is not a story, it's a premise. You don't start a story by defining where it can't go, before you've even decided where you want to take it. Some boundaries are important, others aren't. Some boundaries are hard-coded and unbreakable, and others HAVE to be broken for the story to work, and the process of deciding which is which is easier when you have a clearer idea of what are the characters and what is the story you want to tell, and what you can and can't do with either. You gotta understand the properties you're working with, or at least, understand WHY you want to work with them and make this crossover happen in the first place.

For example, you could, very easily, write a crossover between The Shadow and The Spider, just by going through the motions. They are urban vigilantes with fairly similar designs who live in the same time period and fight crime with their supporting casts. I'm sure most writers offered the job wouldn't think twice of putting them together. But as someone who's read their stories quite extensively and who likes and obsesses over both characters, I would not cross over the two, because their stories and characters are fundamentally incompatible with each other in a more "serious" narrative, and you could not merge the two without seriously fraying one or the other.

It's a story that doesn't work, with characters that are not supposed to function together or in each other's narrative real estate, even with a character as malleable as The Shadow. This doesn't mean that it's impossible to write a good Shadow and Spider crossover, but to me, personally, these two are hard-line incompatible. That is, if it's a crossover based specifically on these two, because that changes if said crossover expands to more characters, as I'll get into.

Regarding the question:

How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work?

By default, any crossover is already going to have to create new settings from scratch based on relevant bits and pieces from the properties in question, so you do get more leeway for bending it.

But regarding characters, it's a question that cannot have a unified answer, because it's even more so dependant on a case-by-case basis. You could argue "only as much as necessary for the story to work", sure, but that's not really a good answer, because a story can do anything it's author wants to, and sometimes the story is not good to begin with, or the characters are just not made for being in the same narrative or even partaking in a crossover to begin with.

No amount of justifications for a story or characterization can excuse an unsatisfying result. Joe Yabuki and Guts are two of my favorite manga protagonists, but there would be no point to even attempting to put them together in the same story, because you'd have to twist either their narratives or their characters past the point of recognizability, which defeats the purpose of making a crossover to begin with.

Like, yeah, we've all heard the argument that Zack Snyder's Superman makes sense in the context of his movies, doing his own thing. Sure. But there's a reason any discussion of that character in the context of Superman in general comes prefaced with "Zack Snyder's" first, and why mainstream audiences who earnestly looked forward to Batman V Superman walked away feeling cheated, because, to borrow RLM terms here, they got "MurderMan vs Captain Hypocrite", and you can't even tell which is which in that description. You gotta give audiences at least a bit of what you promised them.

How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix?

This one actually DOES depend on the story, because most stories that aren't just short narratives require multiple settings for it's scenes. Chances are your narrative will already be combining multiple settings, because setting is a word that can refer to "Korea during the Joseon dynasty", "spaceship traveling through lost nebulas" and "the McDonalds parking lot", as if they are the same thing. And in a way, when you look at a narrative's bones, they basically are.

To an extent, I think opening yourself up for a massive crossover of multiple properties of different characters and settings can, indeed, be a better choice than just going off purely by X meets Y. You start off by making it very clear to the audience that the boundaries are thin and you will be breaking them, and you use said framework to instead tell a myriad of stories, big and small. Stories that you couldn't really tell if you stuck to an existing framework or defined strongly the boundaries you can't cross. I'm gonna use Smash Bros as an example:

Smash Bros is arguably the biggest "official" crossover of all time, and it doesn't really have a "story" other than the basic framework that the series was built on, that these were representations of Nintendo icons dueling it out, and the few details that used to define this in the older days (like the characters being trophies and copies, and not the real deal) have been basically pushed aside. The most story you get in Smash nowadays is in the form of what the trailers showThe "point" of Smash was never really to tell a big, dramatic story with these characters. And maybe you really can't tell this kind of story, or a good story, with this many characters to juggle.

But they tried it once.

I'm sure most of you who do remember Brawl, as anything other than the blistering shame of the franchise that it's treated as these days, remember it mainly because of Subspace Emissary, which was this big, dramatic storyline where the end of the world was at stake and all the characters had to pull their weight to fight it. Subspace didn't have dialogue, it didn't have much story other than characters going from scene to scene while fighting, several of the characters either got nothing to do or were written poorly (mostly Wario), and none of this mattered at all, because Subspace, I'd argue, was the one and only time Smash Bros ever really recaptured that childhood feeling of smashing toys together that the franchise was built on.

Because if you remember being a kid smashing toys together, you remember not just doing it because you wanted Max Steel to kick Cobra Commander's butt. No, you did it because you wanted to tell a story where Max Steel got trapped in a rapidly filling water tank along with He-Man's Battle Cat while Cobra Commander kidnapped Max's girlfriend April O'Neil and bombed the city, and Max Steel had to talk Battle Cat into not eating him so they could together save the city and April from evil, and so they reconciled their differences and saved the day. Those things mattered to you. They were the stories you could tell with the resources you had in hand, sagas you did for the sheer fun of it, regardless of whether they were "good", you probably didn't even think of that. Why would you? You had bigger things to do.

And that's what Subspace did. It was big and dramatic and the world was at stake and all these heroes were coming together. Ness sacrificing himself to Wario so Lucas could have a chance to run away. Diddy Kong dragging along seasoned Star Fox pilots to rescue his buddy. Samus and Pikachu forming a bond. Peach stopping a deadly battle just by offering tea. ROB's story arc culminating in actual genocide, hell, ROB having a story arc to begin with. To a lot of people who played Brawl as one of their first games, this would have been their "introduction" to a lot of these characters in any sort of narrative, and to characters like ROB or Ice Climbers, this would have been the only chance they would ever get to be part of a great big dramatic narrative. Hell, Pit sure looked like he was on the same boat at the time, until Smash brought the Kid Icarus franchise back from death, and now Smash is where characters or properties get to stay relevant or at least on life support (Captain Falcon), or make glorious comebacks (King K.Rool). Brawl was what destroyed the idea of there being boundaries as to who could get in Smash or what kind of story could be told within it.

And people don't seem to recall this nowadays, but Brawl was when Smash exploded in fan content, specifically inspired by Subspace. This was the period of the Machinima craze and the fan mods galore and fan remixes and fan art and fan headcanons and fan films, and suddenly it hit people that, just because the games couldn't accomodate the stories they could tell with the premise, didn't mean that they couldn't start telling them on their own. We even got the formerly longest piece of English fiction off of it. The devotion Melee inspired in competitive players, Brawl did for artists and creators who got their start off in Smash fan content.

And because of it, suddenly a lot more people started writing stories with ROB and Ice Climbers and Pit and Captain Falcon and so on than there would have ever been if it wasn't for Brawl and Subspace. Smash gave ROB a story the character likely would have never gotten otherwise. And if you don't grasp what I'm getting at because you still think that fan content is a long way from being "official" or at least respectable, I don't know what you're doing following someone who rants about pulp fiction all day.

The point I want to get across is, boundaries in a crossover are important, yes, they exist for a good reason, but the boundaries should be defined by the story and characters and whatnot, not the other way around. Boundaries in fiction exist to be crossed or tested, they exist to tell you where you can't go so you can try to do so anyway and either fly high or crash.

Sometimes, bending or twisting characters and settings can be both a grave sin, as well as the thing that allows them to survive. Sometimes there are rules that seem unbreakable until someone breaks them without trying. And sometimes, going big and stupid and carefree over-the-top is either the worst, or the best outcome. It's fiction, taking risks and having fun is part of it.

So I'm afraid I thankfully cannot give your question a universal answer.

#replies tag #rambles #smash bros #brawl #super smash bros #subspace emissary

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galaxina-the-pyro · 3 years

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There's NO PnF x Epithet Erased AU and I'm Here to Correct That!

Well, really I just wanna theorize on what everyone's epithets would be and to just have an excuse to talk about the show, because "Epithet Erased" (produced by @jelloapocalypse) is fucking amazing and ya'll need to stop what you're doing and watch it on VRV (also available on YouTube if you can't afford VRV like me - but if you CAN afford VRV, you totally should considering making an account so you can support this AMAAAAAZING project) Go on. Do it.

So - a little info dump for ya'll who aren't in the know...ahem...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h97aI5SZHk4&ab_channel=JelloApocalypseJelloApocalypseVerified

SO! In the world of Epithet Erased, there are those who are gifted with the rare power called, you guessed it, Epithets. Some have them - others don't. The ones who don't are called Mundies, and the ones who do are called Inscribed. Those who are Inscribed each have a unique word attached to their soul that allows them to do "stuff" depending on the given word.

Ex. One of the main characters of the series has the Epithet "Goldbricker", which allows him/her to turn objects into gold, including him/herself.

Inscribed are able to train and hone their powers so that they can gain more abilities in the process - however, depending on the word you get, you may be the most dangerous being in existence, or have the lamest superpower ever. Though, do not be fooled - even the dumbest sounding words can hold their weight in ways you never suspected if you use them right.

Inscribed and Mundies alike are all ranked by three stats: Stamina, Proficiency, and Creativity (arguably the most IMPORTANT stat for Inscribed). These stats dictate one's power and durability within a battle or even for everyday tasks and jobs, like building, or stuff like that.

In the end, Epithets are NOT in any way, shape, or form connected to genetics - Mundie parents can conceive Inscribed children, and Mundie children can have Inscribed parents. All of it is randomized, from whether or not you'll have one, to the word you get in question.

Now with all THAT out of the way, I can go on to ramble about the possible Epithets the REST of the gang has.

NOTE: this isn't me saying EVERYONE listed would be Inscribed if they WERE in Epithet Erased because that's not possible - chances are, someone like Isabella would be a Mundie while that one background character named Baltazar the Ballpit Kid would be Inscribed. This is just for funsies! (Also, because Perry's an animal he doesn't get an Epithet, sorry)

So...without further ado...what I think the cast of PnF's Epithets would be:

Phineas: "Lightbulb" (an Epithet that seems useless on the surface - Phineas is able to cause lightbulbs to appear from thin air upon thinking of an idea. But he's ALSO able to generate electricity and use it in battle, and can use it to charge his machines and anything he builds)

Ferb: "Toolbox" (Ferb is able to pull an assortment of tools and useful gadgets from seemingly nothing, hence him being a literal "toolbox" - these tools vary from things like hammers and saws to actual weaponry. Lord help you if he gets his hands on an ACTUAL toolbox or anything like it)

Candace: "Gatekeeper" (This was a tough one - basically, "gatekeeper" refers to her control-freak personality. Her abilities can be as small as being able to lock or unlock doors from afar/without the use of a key, to being able to create doors and gates to keep people in or out of something or somewhere)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: "Self-Destruct" (This probably doesn't count because "Self-Destruct" is two words, but DANGIT I'm gonna do it anyway because this is just too perfect for Dr. D! Doof's ability allows him to cause explosions of any kind within the vicinity, including himself. He takes recoil damage from this ability, but it's actually really powerful if used correctly [which luckily, given that he's PROBABLY a Bonzai Blaster in this, his Proficiency is probably too low for him to use it that way, though I'd imagine his creativity is as high as Phineas and Ferb's])

Isabella: "Daydream" (This Epithet allows Isabella to create illusions and false realities with her mind - oftentimes it's to her detriment, as one of her most utilized "fantasies" is Phineasland. However, she can use this ability to trap her enemies and can even summon "imaginary friends" to help her in battle)

Buford: "Wind" (Though the word is simple, Buford is able to control the winds around him - even to the point of creating gusts to blast at enemies. He's also able to fly effortlessly through the air, though for a short period of time [pray that you're not beneath him when he runs out of air]. The catch? His power is through farts and belches...shut up, you all know this makes sense)

Baljeet: "Multiple" (Baljeet's Epithet allows him to project numbers and math problems for all to see - it COULD also allow him to increase in size and to create clones of himself if his Creativity was much higher than it already is. Luckily, he's at the very least able to use these numbers as projectiles)

Vanessa: "Rock" (Which refers to her being the kind of person people can open up to ["Candace Against the Universe"], her tough, firm personality, as well as the kind of music she listens to. With this Epithet, she is able to turn parts of her body into pure stone [much like "Goldbricker"], making her nearly invincible)

Major Monogram: "Screen" (Is able to appear on any screen without the need of a camera - he can also take control of any device with a screen so long as he is inhabiting it...which...kinda puts Carl out of the job, so...uh...let's fix that!)

Carl: "Intern" (Yeah. His Epithet is Intern. Because that's what he is. His ability is a wildcard, as it allows him to work in any environment with high proficiency, but depending on the location he's in he's either a force to be reckoned with or is completely useless in battle. Ex. in an office setting, he's just really good with numbers and writing checks and stapling papers, etc., but in a hospital setting he can have the ability to heal you in battle)

And that's all I really got so far. I might add more in the future. If you guys think their Epithets would be different, I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts!

"Epithet Erased" is fun, creative and such a joy to watch, it'd be a crime for this project to not be completed from a lack of viewing. It's got poignant humor, a cast of quotable, likable characters I guarantee will make you all smile, FANTASTIC MUSIC LIKE OMG IT'S SO GOOD YOU GUYS, an engaging storyline, and is just a charming DnD-esque adventure throughout. And that's just seven episodes - that's right. Season 1 of Epithet Erased has seven beautifully made episodes that you can watch on YouTube/VRV now right on your computer or phone or whatever!

Seriously, I do not kid you, this series has the potential to be as good if not better than shows like "Avatar: the Last Airbender", it's that brilliant. And again, IT ONLY HAS SEVEN EPISODES SO FAIR! It'll only take you, like, three hours to watch them all at most! So really, you don't have an excuse NOT to watch this wonderfully made series! I implore you to give it a look - you will not regret it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMesNJy06kM&ab_channel=ChimericalNightcoreChimericalNightcore

#phineas and ferb #pnf #epithet erased #epithets #phineas flynn #isabella garcia shapiro #ferb fletcher #candace flynn #dr doofenshmirtz #baljeet tjinder #buford van stomm #seriously you guys watch Epithet Erased it's literally the best thing since sliced bread #it isn't even that long!#it'll take you like three hours to watch at max #it's such a great series I can't stop talking about it aaaaaahhhhhh

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radramblog · 3 years

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Werewolves are still iffy in EDH

With the release of Innistrad: Midnight Hunt, I’m sure many people myself included were hoping that the set’s Werewolf focus would solve some of the issues with the tribe in Commander. Having been a big fan of the creature type’s mechanics and design in Shadows block, and playing a lot of them in Limited and Standard formats, I was excited to see what MID would bring to the table.

Unfortunately, despite the shiny new commander the deck has, I’m not confident that the many, many issues that make Werewolves awkward in Commander have actually found an answer.

Issue 1: The cardpool

Werewolves are kind of in this awkward place where due to mechanically being tied to Innistrad and its double-faced-card Transform mechanic, there just aren’t very many of them, even though we’ve been to Innistrad 3 times now. As well, of the current 6 Innistrad-based sets, 2 of them (DKA and EMN) are small sets and 1 (AVR) doesn’t actually have any werewolves in them. The number of werewolves, therefore, is not particularly big- at time of writing, 83 cards exist with the word Werewolf or Werewolves, and of those 5 are explicit hate pieces. And one is Victim of Night, a removal spell that happens not to hit them. That leaves 78 cards to work with, outside of Changelings.

Frustratingly, WoTC has done very little to supplement this when visiting other planes. There exist exactly 6 Werewolf-related cards printed outside of Innistrad, with only 4 of those actually being Werewolves. I appreciate the slight bones being thrown in the form of WAR Arlinn, Nightpack Ambusher, and AFR’s own Werewolf Pack leader, but that’s about a card a year, which is not enough to support a tribe like this.

There’s also an issue where most of the Werewolf cards are pretty much just limited fodder. Of the 62 cards with the type Werewolf on them (again not including Changelings), I’d wager maybe 30 of them are playable in Commander, using an extremely loose definition of the word playable and with the understanding that this deck is going to be janky as hell. The tribe really suffers from its flavour-based limits, especially with the lack of non-Innistrad support, even though many of the game’s mechanics could be adapted to flavour of the Werewolf.

The final problem with the cardpool is the weak support cards. Werewolves have a fair few support cards, actually, but the issue is most of them are either not scaled for the format or only apply on one side of a 2-sided card. Many tribes in the middle-ground of card quality can get propped up by a handful of really good support cards- as an example, Treefolk have Timber Protector and Leaf-Crowned Elder, and Myr have Myr Galvaniser, Myr Turbine, and basically every Artifact support card ever to exist. Werewolves are stuck with, outside of one or two spicy new cards, mostly just +1/+1 anthems/counters and a handful of keywords, and also Immerwolf/Geier Reach Bandit (but the latter only half the time).

The result of this is that despite arguably being one of the better supported tribes as far as card numbers, Werewolves seriously pale in comparison to the majority of the field, especially compared to their Innistradi brethren- they look real awkward next to Humans, Zombies, Spirits, and Vampires.

Issue 2: The colours

Werewolves are pretty shoehorned into Gruul as far as the cards go. Both legendary Werewolves and the Werewolf Planeswalker are in the colour combination, as well as the vast majority of the tribe’s members. However, Midnight Hunt has added some other options in all 3 other colours, and there are reasons to run each anyway- mostly to do with, you know, that whole cardpool issue.

Because as good as Tovolar is, this tribe needs a little help from another colour, in my opinion.

White is the most commonly added colour to Werewolf decks, due to getting to play Rule of Law effects to stop your Werewolves from getting flipped back over. If I build Werewolves, it probably will be Naya, just because I already have two Gruul decks, but my issue is the lack of a clear Commander. Samut is clearly the best option, mostly on account of Flash and the deck likely being fairly aggressive, but I have an issue with commanders, particularly Tribal commanders, not accurately representing the deck. But then, what am I supposed to go with? Anara/Bruse Tarl? Gahiji? Rin and Seri kinda work flavourfully, if you squint, but they do nothing for the gameplay of the deck. I probably would have to just get over it and play Samut, and maybe you should too.

Midnight Hunt did also throw some Black Werewolves in, to go with the original 3 from back in the day (the utterly terrible Treacherous Werewolf, Lesser Werewolf, and Greater Werewolf), opening Jund as an option, kind of. My issue with this is that aside from just general good cards, Black doesn’t really add much to the deck’s likely plans, and only one of the new Black Werewolves, Graveyard Tresspasser, is really any good. I suppose this does mean you could run 4-colour with Saskia, but…eh…

This set also added a singular Blue werewolf in Suspicious Stowaway, which is actually kinda okay. And also Blue gets one extra Rule of Law effect in Arcane Laboratory. But I don’t think I’m going to see Temur Werewolves anytime soon. I guess you could run Surrak? Blue does notably also get you a bunch of the better Changelings, on account of their recent Kaldheim iterations being in Green-Blue.

There is always, of course, Morophon. But that fucker’s for cowards. The TL;DR is, that Werewolves’s best commanders don’t give you access to everything the deck needs.

Issue 3: The tribes

This is somewhat of a more minor issue, but one worth bringing up. Many of the Werewolf matters cards are shared with Wolf matters cards, and so it’s likely worth bringing a few of the better Wolves into the mix. Sarulf, if you’re including Black, or one or both Tolsimir-s in White. Wolves are a tribe with many, many more members, especially adding in all the Wolf Token producing cards, though there are still fewer Wolf Matters cards than Werewolf Matters ones. Also, some of the Werewolf Matters cards are Wolves, like Nightpack Ambusher, Silverfur Partisan, and Immerwolf. So there’s probably a fair few worth throwing in.

As well, seeing as the vast majority of Werewolves have Human front faces, some Humans matter cards like Angel of Glory’s Rise or the new Katilda are worth a shout. There are very few of these that work unfortunately, seeing as you are actively trying to have your humans not be humans, but it’s potentially worth the look.

The reason I find this to be an issue is that you can only add in so many subthemes like this before the deck’s real synergies start to get too heavily diluted. Every Wolf you add makes your Werewolves worse, you know?

I dunno maybe this one was less an issue and more just a recommendation. And yes I know most of the non-Human Werewolves are in fact Eldrazi, but as much as I love those cards they’re both mostly bad and there’s not enough of them, so don’t bother putting Eldrazi cards in there. You have to dump a lot of mana to flip them anyway.

Issue 4: The gameplay

Werewolves as a tribe are extremely challenging from a gameplay perspective. You have to be paying close attention every turn, in order to make sure that you know when your Werewolves are transforming- and in a format like Commander, they are probably not spending nearly as much time with the back half as they are the front half.

While I appreciate Midnight Hunt’s design efforts to simplify this with the Daybound mechanic, in Commander this kinda just makes it worse. Daybound means you are having to track this mechanic at all times, even when you or nobody else has a Werewolf on the field, as long as you’ve played one of the new ones beforehand. As well, the older cards (which you will need some of) are completely unlinked to this day/night cycle, even though they technically use the same trigger, which can lead to some confusion- if, for example, Tovolar makes it Night on your Upkeep, playing a Duskwatch Recruiter is still going to leave you with a Duskwatch Recruiter, not a Krallenhorde Howler.

Considering Tovolar is likely the leader for most Werewolf decks going forward, I appreciate the effort to make him work with the Werewolves of the past, and that he tries to mitigate the tribe’s biggest issue. But there are a whole bunch of really finicky interactions that are both difficult to get your head around and difficult to explain to others when you pull them off. For example, if the player before you casts two spells on their turn, it becomes Day as the turn begins, meaning all your MID Werewolves will transform immediately, then Upkeep happens, and any of your non-MID Werewolves flip as well. Then Tovolar triggers, and you can transform as many of your Werewolves as you want- so if you stack the triggers right, then something like, say, Huntmaster of the Fells or Ulrich of the Krallenhorde will get to transform twice in the same step and get both of its “when ~ transforms” effects.

The other half of this is just the mental load on your opponents. You know what all your cards do, but your opponents aren’t going to! And this is a typical thing in EDH, the game requires either a massive knowledge of Magic, an ability to pick up on new cards and interactions quickly, or both, but it gets so much worse when each of your cards has two sides worth of text to read off whenever you play one. And people (particularly those with less-than-perfect threat assessment) are going to typically assume that the more words on your cards the better they are, so you might get targeted just based on that even though half the words aren’t relevant most of the time.

The long and short of Werewolves in EDH is this: They’re still awkward and janky. I think you can actually build a deck, but you could already do that technically, and I think the additions from MID aren’t quite enough to bump the tribe up to Actually Good. They are, though, about the level of Jank that I appreciate, so maybe I’ll still just build them anyway.

There is potential hope, though. Innistrad: Midnight Hunt is an Innistrad Werewolf Set that contains no less than 15 Vampires (one of my biggest issues with the set!), and the next set is Innistrad: Crimson Vow, the Innistrad Vampire Set. Due to the mechanical requirements, I can’t imagine we’re seeing 15 Werewolves in that one, but I’m hoping we do at least get a couple extras. And hey, maybe one of that one’s Commander decks will be Werewolves!

…The previous was written under the assumption that we didn’t know what the VOW Commander Decks were. As it turns out, we have the names. Neither of them are Werewolf themed.

God damn it, maybe next time we come back to Innistrad then. So, see you in 2026.

#ramble #mtg #edh #commander #mtgcommander #mtg edh #mtgmid #werewolves

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thanksjro · 3 years

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More Than Meets the Eye #32 - Nobody’s Ever Actually Dead in Comic Books

Our band of merry guys-who-weren’t-on-the-Lost-Light-in-issue-#1 approach the shattered husk of the Lost Light, in a gruesome scene that is only slightly marred by the graphic design.

Font doesn’t really suggest danger, does it? Here, for comparison, is something I slapped together in fifteen minutes (including recreation of background) using a font I got off a free font site.

Now, one could say that my version is rather derivative, flat, and arguably cliche, but you know what else it is? Appropriate for the fucking mood of having found a destroyed, hemorrhaging ship after everyone you knew disappeared.

I’m available, IDW! Hit me up.

Theorizing that this is the ship that the Coffin Rodimus came from- remember that? It was a few issues ago- the gang flies in for a closer look. The ship blood is actually something called quantum foam, which allows for quantum space travel to happen. It’s not supposed to be outside of the quantum quills, but the ship’s pretty junked up, so it is.

Because the ship is so very full of holes, the gang can set down for repairs pretty easy. They land in Swerve’s, finding it in less-than-pristine condition. They also find evidence of Crosscut having gotten creative, as a poster for the play he was working on is hung up in the room. Considering he was still writing it when he disappeared, this might seem a bit odd. But then you remember that this is a ship from the future, and it stops being so odd.

Because this is a future ship, with evidence that Crosscut did some stuff, it stands to reason that, at some point, everyone is going to come back from being disappeared.

Just to die.

Which is a bummer, but one crisis at a time.

Megatron disembarks the Rod Pod, with Ravage following, and everyone is just a touch put off by the duo. Everyone but Nautica, who proceeds to commit a microaggression.

Nautica, that’s Soundwave’s father you’re petting like a common animal.

Ravage, angered by this over-familiarity, swats at her. Skids questions letting an active Decepticon roam around, but Megatron brushes off these concerns, saying that finding any still-living crew members is more important. With that, the search begins.

The gang splits up to look for clues, despite Riptide thinking this is a horrible idea. They’re on the clock for this one- the quantum foam is liable to explode if it touches anything, and there’s an awful lot of the stuff floating around right now.

Nightbeat and Nautica leave the rest of the group to their own work, seeing as Nautica has the most appropriate alt-mode for traversing the gaps in the ship.

Man, that’s pretty cool. Wish Nautica hadn’t been regulated to being “girl best friend” for her character arcs, I would have loved to see her do some neat stuff for her own development. Guess that’s what happens when you get introduced as main cast late, and have to compete with all the faves who had dozens of issues to be established and who also don’t have to deal with the whole “token girl character” thing.

The rest of the gang- Megatron, Ravage, Riptide, Skids, and Getaway- start looking in the area they’re already in. Seems a little lopsided, but whatever.

Ravage finds someone almost immediately, identifying Ultra Magnus through smell alone. Only, it isn’t just Ultra Magnus.

The Magnus armor lays not terribly far away, having had its hands cut off to prevent the recall signal from being activated before being gut-murdered.

Gut-murdered wiTH A FUSION CANNON, MEGATRON

Of course, Megatron was forced to destroy his fusion canon after it was decided he would be joining the Lost Light, but you can buy these things off the black market like it’s nothing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Brainstorm had a few stashed in his lab.

As it currently stands, nobody can trust the guy who has a storied past of killing Autobots, on a future ship where the only folks who could stop him are dead. Megatron, at least, has the good sense to not argue this fact, and suggests that the boys lock both Ravage and himself up until they suss out exactly what happened.

Meanwhile, over with Nautica and Nightbeat, we run through all the weird shit that’s happened in the last day or so.

Nautica, you’ve been on this ship for months now. How did you miss the fact that the only couple within 800 miles got annihilated by way of Phase Sixer? I feel like that attack might have come up at some point.

Since they’re on the subject of spouses, Nightbeat asks Nautica if she’s married, or if she has friends. Though noting that such a direct line of questioning might get him slapped with someone else, Nautica reveals that she is single, though she does have a best friend. Nightbeat is also single, probably because he pulls shit like this.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica uses her Sonic Screwdriver wrench to open a door with the literal push of a button. Brainstorm tricked out her wrench so hard it turned into a magic wand, which is good, because they’re going to need all the help they can get now that space is literally warping around them thanks to the quantum foam.

Nautica kicks something on the elevator, and that something turns out to be Brainstorm’s mysterious briefcase. Too bad Swerve is gone, he was so invested in what it contained. Luckily, Nightbeat is just as interested.

Back over on the other side of the ship, it seems as though Megatron kept his word about not resisting, as both he and Ravage have been locked in a cabinet. Wonder how that’s going for them.

Oh, better than I expected.

Ravage is fucking pissed that Megatron joined the Autobots, thereby turning his back on everyone who supported his cause during the last four million years. Despite this grievous betrayal though, the Decepticons haven’t stopped moving. Turns out, Galvatron’s in charge now.

But only if Autobot Megatron isn’t some sort of ploy.

It’s at this point that we learn just why Ravage is here to begin with- to see if Megatron’s truly given up the Decepticons, and if he has, to murder him. But first he’d like to know why this is happening.

Megatron views himself as a monster, having perpetuated a war that ended the lives of billions, destroyed the Cybertronian way of life, ostracized his race from the rest of the universe, and killing just to have something to do. He doesn’t like feeling this way about himself, so he decided to walk away from that life by joining the other team.

Don’t think it’s quite that easy to do, but okay.

Ravage isn’t so sure that this change of heart is going to stick, still convinced that Megatron will snap back to his old self with just a bit more time. Problem is, Megatron may not have a ton of that resource left.

Didn’t they build that body in like an hour so you wouldn’t die? Yeah, no wonder it feels as ill-fitting as a twenty-dollar suit. Thing’s probably made out of pig iron and duct tape.

The lights come on before further self-reflection can be done, and the duo realize that they’ve had guests this whole time.

Someone put the kettle on.

Obviously some fucked up shit happened on this ship. Megatron isn’t so sure that it’s him who did these dirty deeds, however, as he reaches into Ratchet’s mouth and pulls out his brain. Which feels like something that doesn’t really absolve one of guilt, but okay.

Also, ew.

Back with Nautica and Nightbeat, things are getting weird.

Now, this sequence might seem confusing at first blush, but this is because the laws of reality are collapsing around them. Going by clues in the background, we can find the proper, linear progression of time, and thus is conversation. This is what is actually happening:

With the mystery of Brainstorm’s briefcase eluding us once again, we move on to see more graphic aftermaths of violence. Poor Tailgate has been nailed to the wall with a chunk of a metal beam that’s almost as big as he is. The mood lighting for this scene is gorgeous, but I’ve hit my limit for exposing y’all to gore for this issue, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Then they find something even more interesting.

Who’s ready for Under Cold Blue Stars… 2!

Back over on the opposite side of the ship, Riptide’s found something nasty. It’s a bunch of dead bodies!

Including, uh, Pipes.

Who already died a while ago.

Hm.

All the bodies in this room are in their alts, and it looks like they’ve all been shot and drilled into, for some reason. Skids brings up that he had a friend who could identify the placement of any robot’s brain module just by knowing what they turned into. Then he reaches into a corpse to see what the drill-hole’s all about. It makes him sick, though maybe not for the reason you might think. He gets on the phone with Nightbeat, who’s called to tell them that they’ve found Overlord.

Still locked in his weird body harness.

And decapitated.

Megatron is on the other line, calling because he’s figured out the same thing Skids has. Someone paid a visit to this ship. Someone nasty.

The gang regroups, and Nautica gets the basics on the DJD, because I guess nobody’s mentioned them even in passing in the last six months, either.

God, what do they even talk about on this ship? Certainly not their feelings.

The reason that one room was filled with alt-modes was because of Tarn’s addiction to transforming; t-cogs are easier to remove when they’ve been used recently.

We get a quick 4/5ths-page gore-fest, then it’s back to making it all about Megatron.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you FUCKING DEFECTED, YOU POOL NOODLE.

Nightbeat’s beginning to put two and two together. There’s an Overlord in the basement. That shouldn’t be, because Overlord got exploded by Chromedome when he mercy-killed Rewind. Something is off about the past of this ship.

Before he can establish his MTMTE everybody-lives-but-then-dies AU though, the quantum foam fucks with the ship. These sons of guns need to get the hell out of here, pronto.

Oh god, what now?

Ravage smells someone inside the Magnus armor, someone who isn’t a part of the usual nesting doll lineup. Megatron reaches into the Crackerjack box and pulls out one hell of a prize.

HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES

Chromedome would be so thrilled, if he still existed.

#transformers #jro #MTMTE #slaughterhouse #issue 32 #maccadam #Hannzreads #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

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pantstomatch · 3 years

Note

I love your writing, and (the cliche, it burns) one day I'd like to publish too. But a lot of things have changed since the last time I was confident in trying to do this, and I wondered if you would talk about the process (getting an agent, that sort of thing) if you're comfortable and have the time. It's also cool if you privately respond, if you'd prefer, I'm just trying to figure out how to get started again? And so many tips are "publish on Amazon!"

Thank you!!!! Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I’m actually really bad at being published, but I can tell you some stuff that I’ve learned? That might be helpful? I ended up being long-winded, so (if tumblr works right here) everything is under the cut...

1. Querying!

So in general, querying sucks balls. Like… it’s probably the worst thing you’ll ever have to do. You’re gonna want to research what agents are looking for the kind of stuff you want to write or have written. Some are looking for certain genres or what they think is marketable, and you want to send your query to someone who’s open to what you have, or it’s a waste. Most likely the agency website or the agents “I’m looking for…” page or whatever will give you specific instructions on what to include in your query email - how the subject should be written, what they’re looking for, how many pages of your manuscript they want to see, how to attach it to the email and in what form, and if they want a synopsis of your novel. Some agents use Query Manager, which is basically a form you fill out and attach all the things they want, and you can go back in and edit it and it’s a nice way to keep track of your query. Next, they’re gonna (hopefully; some just never respond) either say no thank you very politely, or ask you for the full manuscript. Most of these agents will also give you a general timeline for a response, and if they’re open to a nudge from you or not. After that, they’ll either say no to the full manuscript, or welcome you aboard!

Most places allow you to send multiple queries out for the same work, meaning they’re not “exclusive,” except within their own agency. If they ask for a full manuscript, but before they get back to you, another agent has snapped you up, they’ll want you to let them know so they don’t waste their time on it. Occasionally, if they want to see your full manuscript, they’ll ask for you to not send the full manuscript to someone else until they’re done, or for you to tell them if someone else is looking at the full manuscript. You can also change your mind! You can email them and let them know you’ve decided to pull the novel out of consideration, maybe if you think it needs more editing.

I have never successfully queried. I found the whole thing demoralizing, and I did my first contract on my own, without an agent. This is something I don’t recommend because I had to figure out a lot of confusing shit on my own that I still don’t fully understand. And it also made me doubt my writing after the fact, because agents don’t give a shit if you’re already published, they’re focused solely on whatever you’re presenting them with. And then after that, I figured if I got another book out of my current editor, would I want to present that to the people who already didn’t like my writing? I have an agent for another project I’m working on, and the only reason I have her is because someone introduced us and told her I desperately needed help.

1a. So you found the agent(s) you think you like!

Other than the instructions/guidelines written out by the agency/agents that you’re interested in, you’re gonna need the most complete and fully edited version of your novel in hand. If they ask for your full manuscript, you absolutely should not say it’s not done. Make sure it’s finished, and preferably edited, before you send your query in. If they ask for a synopsis, hard pass. Ha ha ha, just kidding. No, really, arguably, this is going to be the hardest thing to write. A synopsis will suck your soul out of your body and make you weep blood. The only thing worse than querying is writing a synopsis for that query. I have never written a synopsis that I didn’t think was utter shit. I hate them.

Querytracker is a cool place to look up agents that you want to query and see how responsive (and nice) they are. It took me a little bit to figure out the abbreviations, though.

2. Pick your genre carefully

Unless you are a best selling author, they are never ever ever going to let you change genres. I mean, maybe if you wrote under a different name. Maybe. But they’ve bought your book based on how they think it will sell, and they’re going to want to sell you, too, and genre jumping is usually a no-go. This is, basically, one of the biggest things I hate, and one of the greatest things I love about fanfiction, that I can write whatever the fuck I feel like writing. So, you know, make sure you really really really want to write about what your first book is going to be about, because you’re going to be writing about that forever. And I don’t mean just YA vs New Adult vs Adult, although you need to take that into account too. I mean if you’re writing about high school regular kids, you probably can’t write about supernatural high school kids. You can’t write about high school kids in space. You can only write about regular high school kids. So.. think sci -fi vs fantasy vs historical vs contemporary, etc.

3. I hope you don’t hate people!

Do you want to go to a bookstore and talk in front of a crowd? Do you want to go to cons and network with other authors? Do you want to call up publications and volunteer for interviews? Do you want to talk about your books with strangers? Because I sure don’t. Publishing houses do the bare minimum of publicity for you for your book. First book, they’ll probably help set up some store signings. Going forward, if you weren’t proactive the first time around, they’re probably not going to do anything. If you’ve got some really good advance reviews, they’ll do ads. They’ll probably do the rote social media posts. But basically, you’re going to have to advocate for your book. You’re going to have to create your own brand. You’re going to have to make swag and send it out, call up bookstores, post constantly about it on twitter, buddy up to other authors, go places where you can network. And I will tell you that all of that is my nightmare. I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t like meeting new people. I had several panic attacks leading up my book signing, and the book signing itself was pretty bad. I’m just… not good with people. And, honestly, at my age, I don’t want to be any better. All it does is give me stress and hives, and to get over that I’d really really have to want to do it.

4. Personal perks?

Editors! I’ve worked with two awesome editors, and it’s amazing having someone to tell you how to fix things in a way that makes sense. By far, one of the only perks of being published for me. I absolutely don’t know for sure, but I always got the feeling that they expected more push back from me with their suggestions, but nope. I was open to everything, and that’s probably why the books worked so well, because editors absolutely know what they’re doing and only want what’s best for the book.

Holding a solid book of my work! Always awesome to hold that first book in your hands, with the beautiful cover work and everything. The fact that other people can read it and know it was me who wrote those words only counters that by about a half.

Money! Advances vary drastically, but, listen, the money kind of made the panic attacks worth it. A little.

5. Advances and royalties

The things I’ve read about advances is that too little, and you might think they have less confidence in you, and too much and you’re panicking about selling, because if you don’t earn out your advance, there’s a chance they won’t want to invest in you in the future. Generally, the way they work is they offer you a contract with the amount they are willing to “advance” you. This is basically saying, we think this book will give us this amount of money, and this is your share of that amount of money. You earn this out with royalties. When you sign the contract, you will get a certain amount of money, usually half of your offered advance. When you deliver the finished manuscript, after your editor and you have gone over it and it’s been approved, you’ll get the other half. A two book deal would be split into 4 parts, and you’d get the first 2 parts for signing the contract (1/4th for each book), the next part for the first finished manuscript, and then the last part for the second finished manuscript, generally after the first book is already published. After that, you won’t see any money until your royalties reach the amount they already paid you in advance. Unless otherwise negotiated, you’d get a royalty check twice a year. Your earnings from January to July would be sent to you in October, and your earnings for July to December would be sent to you in April. Since any books sold to bookstores and online stores can be returned to the publisher if unsold, they will usually “hold back” a certain amount at first, to make sure you’re really earning that royalty. Royalty statements themselves are a hot mess and I’ve never been able to read them, which is also a good reason to have an agent. An agent will get your money sent to them, make sure it’s the correct amount, take their cut, and then send you a check from them.

6. Self publishing

Okay, I know nothing about self publishing, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you have the right support system (ie editors). If you’re going to have to do a lot of the marketing yourself anyway, I don’t see how this is much different. Biggest thing would be the upfront cost, and making sure you make that cost worth it. Independent author S Usher Evans has some good advice for self publishing - Sush’s worked very hard at it, and started her own publishing company. Also, @qwanderer might be a good resource, I think they use Lulu, which is a really cool self publishing site.

Uhhhh, so that’s a lot of info and also not a lot of info, so please feel free to ask me anything else, and I really hope I haven’t made this harder for you to get started ha ha ha. I think the best thing to do is to figure out what you want to write and write it and just… go from there. If you really love what you have, someone else is going to love it, too.

And if anyone’s had a different experience or thinks I got something wrong or has more/better advice for @heyninja, let me know!

#heyninja #replies #publishing advice #my two cents #writing

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mulletcal · 4 years

Text

room for two - an ashton irwin one shot

a/n: hi lovelies! i’ve had this sitting in my docs for a while. i originally wrote it as part of the fic gift event as a gift for the lovely @sexgodashton but chose to post the poly!mashton one instead, also this one came in under the word count requirement LOL. so enjoy some soft ash content to celebrate superbloom coming this week!!!

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none

***

Ever since you had moved to Los Angeles, you felt as though you struggled to find your place there. It felt hard to find something genuine or unique in a place full of creatives, and full of people who mainly wanted advantageous relationships. You knew what you were getting into when you moved to the city of course, but it just took a minute to find your footing.

Once place that always seemed to give you solace though was a movie theatre- it was hiding on the outskirts of the city, or rather hiding in plain sight. It was small, only two screens on the inside; you were told it was built in the 1940’s, it being one of the final few in the entire state that had yet to succumb to the design pressures of modern theatres. There were two staircases to go up to the respective theatres, the railing an intricate wood design you loved to trail your fingers over every time, noticing some small detail you had never seen before.

Something else you loved about this particular theatre was that they held Two Dollar Tuesdays. Every Tuesday, they would screen 1-2 movies per screen; usually they were black and white films made in the 50’s, which you enjoyed because it made you lose yourself for a little while - but on occasion they would do a night where they showed movies made within the last twenty years.

Work had been busy the last couple weeks, so you had missed the past few weeks of showings. Thankfully they weren’t films that you were overly eager to see, or else you’d have forced yourself to rush through the last few things you needed to do during the day so you’d be able to make it in time. This week though, you checked their website as you typically would Monday night and saw they would be showing Burlesque - one of your favourites, so you knew you had to go. Finishing up your day at a decent time, you knew you had just enough time to leave work and get to the theatre to buy your ticket.

When you arrived, it seemed unusually dead, your head cocking to the side as you walked up to the ticket booth.

“Slow night?” You asked with a small smile to the woman behind the counter.

“We decided to show one of the Avengers movies, can’t remember which one now, but it started a bit ago, everyone’s in there,” she chuckled, sliding you your ticket, “You’re the only one for Burlesque so far.”

On any other day, you wouldn’t mind a slightly busier theatre; but after the last couple weeks where you had been drowning in work, the idea of having a movie theatre all to yourself sounded heavenly.

You headed to the concession stand, gathering some goodies to enjoy during the movie before heading inside. You opted for the second row from the top, directly in the middle of the aisle.

The lights had just been dimmed for the start of the movie when another figure entered the theatre; the man appeared tall, sneaking in slightly hunched over as if he was going to obstruct someones’ view. When the man realized you were the only other one in the theatre, he stood to his full height, and you could swear you heard him say ‘Oh’.

He began to study the seats, almost as if there were some sort of method to the seat he picked. After a moment, you sat up straight to say something to him- then again, did you really want to share your peaceful evening with someone else? From what you could see given the glow of the screen, his features seemed appealing enough, so it could be an opportunity to toss in some harmless flirting.

“Do you wanna sit beside me?” You asked, a small smile on your face, “I arguably have taken the best seat in the house, and I would hate for you not to enjoy the show as much.”

The mans’ head picked up when you started your sentence, a smile growing on his lips when you finished, “Well that would be lovely, thanks.”

You watched as he made his way up to where you were seated, realizing he was much taller than you originally thought, his black joggers accentuating his long legs (and thick thighs, but you definitely weren’t looking). Chewing your popcorn in thought, you missed him sitting down and extending his hand, too distracted by your racing mind.

“Oh sorry, what did you say?” You asked, blushing a little, though he couldn’t see it.

“My name’s Ashton,” He said, his Cheshire-like grin never leaving his lips.

You shook his hand, returning it to your popcorn after that and turning towards the screen to watch the movie. Throughout the movie, you noticed Ashton mouthing the words beside you, making you bite your lip to keep from giggling softly. You failed at one point though, at a particularly sassy line where Ashton was moving his head along with the words he was saying.

“What?!” He asked, turning to you while a giggle fell from him as well.

“No, nothing! I just… you know this move probably as well, if not better than I do.”

“Well I don’t see you lip syncing along.”

“I could but really you are the star of the show,” Your words were almost barely audible through your laughter.

Ashton shook his head and turned back to watch the movie, never ceasing his lip syncing.

In your haste to get to the movie theatre after work, you had forgotten that the theatre tended to get drafty the longer you sat there. You often spoke with the employees after the shows, listening to their stories how they believe the building was haunted; but you figured it was just the 80 years of wear and tear on the building. You shivered at one point, not catching how Ashton’s eyes flickered over to you; when it happened again, Ashton tugged off his bright orange hoodie, holding it out to you.

“Here, you’re shivering,” Came his quiet request, eyes meeting yours.

“Oh, it’s okay! I don’t want you to be cold,” You spoke with a frown, placing your hands over his in attempt to push the hoodie back towards him.

“Your hands are what are gonna make me cold, please put this on and warm up.”

You opened your mouth to argue again, but Ashton tossed the garment onto your head, not giving you a chance to. Once you slipped the hoodie on, you muttered a soft ‘thank you’, cuddling into the hoodie that was not only incredibly warm from Ashton’s body heat, but smelled like his cologne- it was bright, citrusy, and washed you in a warm feeling that instantly made you relax.

Ashton turned to grab the snack he had purchased, giving you a perfect opportunity to see some (more) tattoos.

“Nice rose tattoo,” you complimented, going to set your popcorn on the floor.

“Thank you! I got it for my sister,” His fingers traced the tattoo, a fond smile gracing his lips.

“I love roses.”

“Mm, I’ll have to remember that.”

Another blush crossed your cheeks, and you weren’t sure if you were growing warm from his comment, or the sweater was doing its job. If anyone were to ask, you would 100% blame the sweater.

You couldn’t help but feel a little sad as the movie drew to a close. It was the most relaxed you had felt in a while, and also the man beside you was drawing you in slowly but surely. You knew after the movie was over, you’d never see this handsome stranger again, unless he happened to come see the same movie no one else was interested in.

Ashton stood and stretched when the credits rolled, and the lights were switched back on, giving you the full ability to see just what this man looked like. His disheveled black hair, hazel eyes, and dimples that just highlighted his charming smile; he was more breathtaking than you originally anticipated, and you knew you should try to make a move before he walked away.

When you went to take off the sweater to give it back to him, he grabbed your hand to stop you.

“Hang on to it,” Ashton shook his head, rolling his lower lip between his teeth.

“You don’t want your sweater back?” You asked, confused.

“You look better in it than I do, and…” he trailed off, shoving his hands in his pockets, “I thought maybe you could give it back to me on our date?”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, a smile of disbelief crossing your lips, “A date, huh?”

“I mean, only if you wa-“

“Ashton, shut up I was playing with you. Of course I can give it back to you on our date.”

Ashton was smiling wider than he had all night (that you’d seen, anyways) as he walked you back to your car, the two of you exchanging phone numbers before you got into your car. You’d have to remember to come back next week to tell the girls that worked at the theatre, because you knew they’d be invested.

tag list: @talkfastromance4 @calmlftv @notinthesameguey @loveroflrh @mantlereid @irwinkitten @n-ctarinenga @ashtonlftv @blackbutterfliescal @monimickell @petunias-pet @treatallwithkindness @castaway-cashton @tea4sykes @wheniminouterspace @another-lonely-heart @myfavfanficsever @xsongxbirdx @stardust-galaxies @karajaynetoday @bestyearssos @cheekysos @suchalonelysunflower @aquarius-hood1996 @wildflower-cth @becihadshawn @youngblood199456 @cxddlyash @kindahoping4forever

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin one shot #ashton irwin fluff #ashton irwin blurb #ashton irwin fanfiction

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kadywicker · 4 years

Text

detailed giffing + basic coloring tutorial for beginners

so a lot of gif/coloring tutorials are pretty outdated or not that detailed & i wanted to put my own out there! in this:

how to get the screencaps for your gifs

how to make a general gif

basic coloring (no psds here, it just gives you a basic idea for making colors pop and look nice. you can look up how to use psds, but i prefer making my own for every gif as it’s much more personal, gratifying, and creative. there’s nothing wrong with using psds as long as you don’t claim them as your own, it’s just not my personal thing)

how to save a gif

we’ll be going from this:

to this

what you need:

photoshop (cc 2019 is what i’m using, but this works with any version of photoshop really as long as you download a version with the timeline feature) i won’t add download links here since i don’t want this deleted, but you can look some up on tumblr or use the pirate bay (current url is pirateproxy.blue as of 4/29/2020) & follow the instructions there.

for windows: potplayer/kmplayer (both use literally the exact same instructions) this tutorial uses potplayer but kmplayer uses like literally the same instructions, it just doesnt work right on my computer

for mac: mplayer. this tutorial does NOT cover this so find a tutorial on tumblr on how to take screencaps with mplayer & then skip to the “how to make a general gif” section. though, again, i’m on a pc so i have no idea if this is entirely accurate for mac.

if you’re downloading from youtube: clipconverter

if you’re Definitely Legaly torrenting: utorrent + the pirate bay (again, current url is pirateproxy.blue as of 4/29/2020) or another torrent site + you should really consider getting a VPN when torrenting (i use privateinternetaccess but you can find one that suits you)

note: download an adblock of some kind, disable automatic downloads on your computer, & download an antivirus program if you want because some sites are sketchier than others! this is ESPECIALLY crucial on sites like piratebay. keep your computer safe babes.

1. screencapping

there’s several ways to get screencaps on photoshop, but this is the easiest imo and i’ve never done the whole convert video frames to layers thing. like i said, you’ll need potplayer or kmplayer. i’m using potplayer. important note: don’t accidentally download viruses here! read each screen carefully & make sure you’re not hitting accept to download any secondary programs.

1. download your .mp4/.mkv. you can go to youtube & find a clip/scene/whatever and use clipconverter to download it. just make sure you download it at 720 (or higher) as anything lower than that will give you a poor quality gif. you can also download using somewhere like the pirate bay, but for this you need utorrent & i would HIGHLY recommend using a vpn if you live in a country where torrenting copyrighted content is illegal, as your internet provider may flag your ip address if you don’t & you torrent too often.

2. download potplayer/kmplayer & get it set up

3. create a screencaps folder. i always put mine on my desktop. in your screencaps folder, make a folder for however many gifs you want in your set. i just have one for mine so:

4. open up your .mp4/.mkv

5. hit ctrl + g to bring up the screen capture pop-up & set your settings to these. click the button w/the three dots next to the storage option & select the folder you created for your first gif

6. navigate to the scene you want to gif. when you’re there, pause it and hit the start button on the consecutive image capture screen, then play the video. how many screencaps you need depends on the size of your gif. for larger gifs (so like 540px wide gifs), you’re probably going to want to keep it below 30 frames. for smaller gifs (268px wide or less) you can maybe stretch it to 60, depending on how much coloring you add. you can always delete screencaps later though in photoshop, so don’t worry about it too much. for this gif, i only had 17 frames because the scene was really short lmao

7. go to your screencap folder you made & delete any unnecessary frames. it’ll look like this:

8. repeat the process for any other gifs, making new folders in your “screencaps” folder, numbered for however many gifs you’re making. make sure to change the folder you’re loading the images into on the image capture pop up though so they don’t all go into folder 1.

2. making a simple gif (+sharpening)

1. first, you need to load your screencaps. when you open up photoshop, go to file > scripts > load files into stack

2. when the window pops up, switch the “file” option to “folder”

3. click browse and find your screencap folder for your first gif (in my case, desktop > screencaps > 1) once it’s all loaded, click “OK”

4. it’ll take a minute to load all your screencaps into photoshop. when they do, go to the upper bar on photoshop > windows > timeline

5. when the timeline bar shows up, click “create frame animation”

6. hit this button and click “make frames from layers”

7. hit the button again and click “reverse frames”

8. click back onto your first gif. then select the rectangular marquee tool and set it to whatever gif size you want. the width for 2 small gifs next to each other is 268px, the width for full size gifs is 540px. most people use 268x150 px for gifsets of 4+

9. use the marquee tool to select what area you want for your gif, like this. it’s up to you how to crop it! get creative!

10. go to image > crop

11. now that your image is cropped, go to image > image size. change the size to your desired gif size (in this case 268x150). hit “OK”. then make sure it’s zoomed in to 100%

12. now, you COULD just save this gif, but they look way better sharpened. so you need to convert this to a smart object. to do so, first select all your layers in the righthand layer window. to select all the layers, click on your top layer, hold shift, and scroll down to your bottom layer & click on it as well while still holding shift

13. next, you need to select all your frames. go back to the options button from part 6 > select all frames

14. next, we’re going to create an action to make your life 100x easier when it comes to sharpening gifs in the future. to do so, go to the actions icon (may look different on different versions of photoshop, but basically just find the actions window)

15. create a new action with this button. name it something. i named this one “sharpen tutorial” and hit “record”

16. click this button to convert to video timeline

17. go to filter > convert for smart objects

18. go to your single created layer and right click and click duplicate layer. this helps get rid of the transparent border around the gif.

19. go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen & use these settings

20. go to filter > blur > gaussian blur. set it to these settings.

21. go to your second layer with the filters on it & right click on the gaussian blur filter to select “edit smart filter blending options” and set the opacity to 50%. you can mess around with this for different levels of sharpness. the closer to 0%, the sharper your gif will be.

22. hit the stop recording button on your sharpen action. now you’ll have an action to use next time you make a gif! after you’ve followed all the steps 1-13 you simply go to actions, click on your saved sharpening action, and hit play instead & it’ll do steps 14-21 in a few seconds. here’s a pic of the stop button on the actions window

23. our gif is now sharpened! you can end with this & skip to the saving a gif section, or you can continue to coloring. here’s what we have so far.

3. coloring

now on to coloring. this is pretty basic coloring and it probably won’t work if you follow my numbers exactly, as every single scene is different color + lighting wise. but this is just an example of the kind of thing you could do. basically, if you’re making vibrant gifs, you want to up the brightness + contrast + vibrance and make the colors already present pop. if you want anything more complicated (pale gifs, changing the colors to make, say, quentin’s shirt in these gifs red instead of blue), you’ll have to find other tutorials or experiment on your own. learning how to color & finding your style takes time! you can download psds if you want, but imo those kinda take the fun out of making gifs? that’s just me though.

after each step, i’ll show you what the gif looks like.

1. i usually start with a curves layer. i usually don’t mess with the color curve options, just this one:

2. next, i do a brightness/contrast layer

3. next, i do a vibrance layer. make sure not to make it TOO saturated or it’ll look bad.

4. next i do a color balance layer. this is where it really starts differing depending on what color you want your gif to be.

5. next we move to the selective color layers, which are arguably the most powerful. here you can make colors pop, change colors, etc. it’ll take lots of practice & messing around with, but here’s what i did with this gif. this one is making yellow + blue pop

6. next, i did two more selective color layers editing the blue tab to make the blue pop even more

7. i still wasn’t quite happy with it, so i added another selective color layer to edit the blacks + neutrals + greens

8. for good measure, i added one more brightness/contrast layer

9. and the gif is done! however, you can play around with various adjustment layers until you’re happy. again, this is just an example of how to do basic coloring. it’s a skill like any other & takes practice. to keep consistent coloring in a gifset,

9b. you may want to make a psd of this coloring. to do so, you need to put all your adjustment layers in a folder, delete your frame layers, and click file > save as. save it as a .psd. then you can open it and drag it onto any other gifs you make, adjusting the coloring accordingly but still with the same vibes. you don’t have to do this, but it makes life easier. here’s how to use your saved psd, though obviously you’re using your own in this case and not a downloaded one.

4. saving your gif

1. on photoshop cc 2019, you go to file > export > save for web (legacy). for other versions, you can just go to file > save for web. use these settings. the gif size limit is 3mb per gif, so make sure your file size is under that. if it’s not, you’ll need to delete some frames or some adjustment layers.

2. now, photoshop is a bit of a pain & this gif timing will not be right. so you need to open your newly saved gif. then you hit this button + select all frames

3. click this button & select “other”. tumblr gifs are typically .05-.08. my photoshop is glitchy and i have to set mine to .1-.15 or they’re WAY too fast. but usually, go with .05-.08 unless yours ends up glitching too.

4. save it like you did the first time and ta-da! you’ve made a gif!

#gif tutorial #photoshop tutorial #edit tutorial #coloring tutorial #yes im using the magicians its my hyperfixation and i get to choose the gifs

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neon-junkie · 4 years

Text

The O’Driscolls Daughter - Chpt.1

Summary: You're Colms daughter, stubborn and temperamental like him, but you've got a kind heart and a soft spot for the poor stableboy that Colms gang torments.

Pairing: Kieran Duffy x f!Reader

Word Count: 3468

Rating: NSFW

Tags: Gang war, Colter, Grizzlies west, Strangers to friends to lovers, Slow burn, Flirting, Masturbation, Fantasies, Arguments, Fights.

Notes: UGH, more kieran stuff? yepppp. I knooooow Colms gang has been around for only a decade but lets just pretend they've been around since before you were born :^) also, I think the Del Lobos don't appear at Lake Cairn till after Chapter 1 buuuut lets pretend theyre there for the sake of this fic.

NEXT CHAPTER | Read on AO3

Colm O'Driscoll has laid with many women, though most were not consensual. You were the product of an odd affair, your mother actually falling for the man in his early years. She left you on his doorstep after Colm turned his back on her, calling her nothing more than a 'whore' and 'pity-fuck.' You had no idea who she was, and wouldn't be surprised if Colm had killed her long ago.

To everyones surprise, Colm actually took you in and raised you within the gang. He was a lousy excuse for a parent, barely being there for you throughout the years. You had no treasured memories of him, nothing normal like reading bedtime stories to you, playing games with you, spoiling you on your birthday. There were memoried you tried to treasure, like him teaching you how to shoot, hunt, and kill, but they were definitely not normal. Unfortunately, you had picked up a few of your father's traits, but thankfully not all. You were short-tempered, not afraid to snap, and would shoot first, question later. Oh, and you were just as wanted as Colm. You saw your first ever personal bounty poster at the age of ten. Colm had framed it in his cabin; that was one of the few times you'd seen him so proud.

You're in your early twenties and arguably second in command within your father's gang. Colms other right-hand man, Tom, considered himself to be next in line since he had known Colm since before you were born. Yours and Toms' relationship was... heated. Colm knew the two of you didn't get along, yet would snap at the two of you to 'put your fucking differences aside' whenever he needed you to work together. Colm would usually have to pick one of you to take charge, taking it in turns. Fairs fair, I guess.

Here you are, returning from a failed mission. Colm had asked the two of you and some other disposable men to track down the Del Lobos hideout and clear it, seeing as your hideouts were far too close together. You approach your gangs current hideout, a camp just southwest of Lake Isabella. Yes, it was fucking freezing up here, but Colm ran up here to escape the Pinkertons on his tail. Sadly, his gang wasn't the only one with that idea, but it seemed to work. No one had found you all, yet.

You dismount your horse just as they're riding into the stable, leading them into a pen and hitching them. Tom follows behind, hitching his in a pen beside you.

"You better clean this nag good, boy," Tom shouts over to the stableboy, currently cleaning another horse.

"I will, Sir," he responds.

You don't know his name, he's only been with the gang for a few months. He seems like a bundle of nerves, constantly shaking and flinching around everyone. The men loved to pick on him, they loved watching his tail shake in between his legs as they torment him. You'd seen him get hit over the pettiest of things; their saddles not being clean enough, the horses having a tiny knot in their manes, a nail on their hooves being a centimeter out of place.

You remembered the only time one of the men tried to hit you. You were in your mid-teens, starting to find your role within the gang. One member had challenged your authority, claiming you were just a child and that 'Colms daughter should get no special treatment.' He had gone to hit you over some petty thing you barely remembered, but you did remember the look in his eyes when you gripped hold of his hand just as he tried to swing for you. His wrist felt like it was going to break as you'd tightened your grip. To everyones surprise, you kicked the back of his knee, causing him to fall to the ground. You then let go of his wrist, shoving him forward so he lay flat on his front. Without thinking, you stomped hard, feeling the crack of his bone as you snapped his arm like a twig. It all happened within a matter of seconds. You weren't thinking, enraged that not only was this man constantly picking on you, but had tried to put his hands upon you.

Colm had stormed out of his cabin after hearing the commotion. You were quick to explain what'd happened, the other men watching backing you up. Colm scoffed at the man crying on the ground, telling him to 'get out of my sight.' The guy quickly got up, gripping his broken arm, and ran as fast as he could. Your father seemed proud of you, putting his arm around your shoulder as he lead you into the cabin, fixing you a drink to 'celebrate.' The only other man to pick on you was Tom, though he mostly just said small petty comments behind Colms back. You'd called Tom out in front of your father many times but Colm never seemed fussed, probably not wanting to pick between the two of you.

"You fuck up like last time and I'll beat you till the snow turns red," Tom threatens him.

"Lay off, Tom," you order him. Tom snaps his head over to you.

"Oh oh oh! You soft for this pipsqueak?" Tom laughs, pointing at the stableboy who looks rather uncomfortable. He stays silent, watching the two of you bicker.

"I'm soft on no one. You just pick on anyone you view as lesser than yourself. You must have a lot of confidence issues, Tom," you smirk at him, heading out of the stables with him on your tail.

"I ain't the one with confidence issues here, girl. Just cause you got your whore mommas ugly looks don't mean you can take it out on me," Tom replies, following you over to Colms cabin.

"Why you usin' my insult against me? Can't think of your own?"

"I... what? No. I ain-" you cut him off.

"There there, it's alright, poor little Thomas," you taunt. That was a name that always made him turn red. You look over your shoulder to see that exact expression growing on his face.

"Now you better stop with al-"

"Tom. Shut up," Colm says as the two of you enter his cabin, Tom barking down your ear, not giving Colm a good impression.

Tom huffs but remains silent. Colm looks at the two of you for a moment, sat down at his table. The three of you remain silent until Colm snaps.

"Well? How'd it go? I'm gonna guess from the arguin' and silence that you fucked up," Colm half-shouts.

"Tom fucked up. Again." You state. Colm draws his gaze away from you, over to his right-hand man.

"Now hang on just a damn minute. There's a good fucking reason to why we fucked up."

"You, not we," you correct him.

"And that reason is...?" Colm's losing his patience.

"Well, we took out most of em, till THE Flaco fucking Hernández showed up. Killed all those men we took with us. We bolted just in time."

Colm can't be angry at either of you for this. Flaco was one of the world's most famous gunslingers, the 'Terror of the Grizzlies.' Just about anybody would lose a fight against him, including Colm himself. Colm sighs, rubbing his temples in frustration.

"You're sure it was him?" Colm asks, looking down at the table.

"Not unless you know any other giant Mexican outlaws, yes," you sarcastically respond.

"Great. The two of you, get outta my sight. I gotta think about how to deal with this."

Both of you turn and leave, no one saying a word as you exit the cabin. Tom sulks off, probably going to join his little gang of friends. You make your way over to the stew pot, grabbing yourself a bowl of whatever was on the menu today. You're quick to eat, wanting to check on your horse after today's shootout. You heard them whine during the fight but didn't see anything as you were checking on your ride back.

You find your way over to the stables, looking around for the sun to figure out what time it is. She's getting ready to set, her rays peeking out from behind the many mountains that surround your camp. You enter the stable, stomping the snow off your boots as you shut the door behind you. The stableboys not here for once, which is fine as you weren't in the mood to make awkward conversation.

You approach your mount, feeding them a few pocketed treats as you begin to check for any signs of pains or discomfort. You're quick to notice a bandage on their lower leg, your heart dropping as you begin panicking. You kneel down, peeking under the bandage to see how bad the wound was. The stable doors quickly open and shut, the stableboy returning. He huffs into his gloves, trying to blow hot air onto his face to warm his reddened cheeks up. The two of you notice each other at the same time, looking over your shoulder to watch him stand in his tracks, eyes wide. He looks like you've just caught him doing something he shouldn't have. The two of you are awkwardly silent, both staring at each other.

"Hello," you say. You really had no idea what else to say to break the tension.

"Evening, Miss," he responds, calming himself down as he makes his way over to his own horse.

"You taken care of my horse?" you ask him. He looks a little puzzled till he realizes you're on about their wound.

"Oh. Yes, Miss. It ain't nothin' to worry about, just a little scratch but I didn't want nothin' rubbin' against it," he informs you.

"Thank you," you say as you stand up. "Are they okay to ride?"

"I mean, you could, but they ain't gonna be too happy about it," he responds, feeding his own horse a few pocketed treats.

"You ain't gotta answer me like I'm one of them boys. I wanna know the brutal truth, I ain't gonna snap at you for bein' honest and doin' what's right," you inform him. You have a gut feeling that you shouldn't ride, but you want to hear it from the horse master himself.

"Oh.. I err... Well, no. You should let 'em rest a little while. If you take em out in that snow it could get infected," he tells you.

"The honest truth. I love it. Thank you, Mister...?" you trail off, wanting to know his name. You make your way over to him, leaning back against one of the pen fences, watching him fuss his horse.

"Oh, no, I'm just Kieran. I ain't no 'Mister' somethin'," Kieran looks away, looking defeated.

"Yes, you are. You're a man, ain'tcha?" You ask him.

"The last time I checked, I was, yeah," Kieran jokes. You let out a laugh. This stableboy was funny.

"Well then, Kieran, who are ya?"

"Duffy," he responds.

"Kieran Duffy, that's a real cute name," you tell him. "I'd introduce myself but everybody knows who I am," you shrug.

Is he... blushing? Or still flustered from the sudden change of temperature? A wicked part of you is eager to find out how red he can really go, in a flustered sense, not a bloody one.

"Thank you," Kieran sheepishly replies, stuttering a little. "Yeah, I know you is Colms daughter." Kieran seems nervous as he tells you that, which isn't a surprise. You'd had many people cower once they find out whose daughter you are. Sometimes you enjoy it, liking the little power trip you get, but other times you wished you were just some normal girl that lived a normal life.

"Yeah," you laugh. "Don't remind me."

"Oh... Well, I'm sorry, Miss. I don't wanna tread on no ones toes," Kieran replies. He watches you as you climb up and sit on the pen's fence, your legs resting on the wooden plank below, keeping you in place.

"It's alright, darlin'. You ain't doin' anything wrong," you turn to see him going red again. Darlin'? Something tells you this man doesn't get much attention, especially from women.

"Well er... that's good to hear," Kieran lightly laughs. He looks away, pulling out a brush so he can clean his already overly-groomed horse. You watch him, noticing how his eyes flick over to look at you every now and again, face going redder as he meets your gaze every time.

"You're real good at carin' for these horses, you know that?" you ask him, breaking the silence.

"Oh, thank you, Miss," Kieran replies.

"Do my fathers men not compliment you on your work?"

"I'm sorry to sound so blunt, but all your fathers men do is use me as their punchin' bag." Kieran has sadness in his eyes, trying not to look at you.

"Which ones?" you sternly ask, taking Kieran back.

"W-what?"

"Which ones do that to you?"

"I... I don't know many names here, Miss. But you seen it earlier, that Tom fella is one of the main ones. Most of 'em do it. Usually one will start and the others will join in, bit of a gang thing, you know?" Kieran sheepishly replies. He's internally screaming, worried he's just chucked himself under the bus. He can see rage on your face, yet he's not sure if you're going to snap at him for being a tattletale, or snap at them.

"The next time they do that, you come tell me, alright?"

"Yes, Miss," Kieran says under his breath, giving his head a little nod.

"I'm serious. You work harder than most of those idiots, especially Tom. He's a real fuckin' clown."

"Thank you, Miss. I really appreciate it," Kieran sincerely replies, giving you a little smile.

"I'd tell you to keep up the good work but I know you will," you say as you shuffle off the fence, slowly making your way out. "I'll see you later, sweetheart," you say as you exit.

Kierans glad you've left, only because his face is redder than a tomato. Kieran hears you trudge away through the snow and once he's certain you're gone, he turns to Branwen.

"Sweetheart?! You hear that, Branwen?" Kieran asks under his breath, trying to keep his voice down. He talks to Branwen all the time, but only in private. God forbid anyone ever heard, they'd probably hang him for being so 'weird.'

"She called me darlin' too, and cute. And she complimented my work... and she's got my back. What in gods name is goin' on?" Kieran asks, his face still flustered. He picks at his scarf, trying to let some air in to cool himself down.

"What the hell am I meant to do? That's Colms DAUGHTER, and there she is bein' sweet on me! This must be one big joke. I bet them fellas were listenin' in the whole time, gigglin' to themselves," Kieran huffs, trying to make this situation as negative as his mind will allow him.

Branwen gives Kieran a look. If horses could talk, he'd be saying 'don't be silly, this ain't a prank. That woman's clearly got eyes for you.'

"No way," Kieran responds. "There ain't no way a woman like that would go for a boy like me," Kieran folds his arms, leaning back against the fence. He thinks to himself, going over what just happened in his head. He's trying to pick away at it but everything you said seemed so sincere, so kind, so gentle.

Kieran slumps about the stable, lighting a few lanterns dotted about the place. He gets himself ready for bed, lying down on a pile of hay at the back of the stable. His arms are folded under his head, one ankle over the other. He's still thinking about you, trying to convince himself this is all a joke.

It can't be. It was far too kind.

Kieran puts his hands over his face and lets out a small scream, angry that he has no idea what to do. He's had a soft spot for you the second he laid eyes upon you, but quickly buried those thoughts as soon as he found out who you were. Colm will definitely chop his dick off and force him to eat it if he ever caught even just the tiniest hint that Kieran liked you.

Kieran decides to do what he does best, bury his feelings. He rolls onto his side, facing the wall. He tries to force himself to sleep but as soon as he shuts his eyes, all he can see if you.

Kieran then feels the worst thing that can happen to himself right now.

Kierans rock hard, solid.

His boner rubs against the inside of his jeans, urging him to at least get it out so it's not painful. Kieran sits upright, shuffling so his back is pressed against the stable walls. He undoes his jeans, letting his cock spring free and rest against his white shirt. He wants to touch himself, he really does, but he's telling himself off for getting this hard over such a small conversation. The guys so deprived, it's amazing how just a few kind words have made his heart flutter and his cock hard.

Kieran huffs, crossing his arms, frowning with his cock out, waiting for it to go down.

'I ain't... I ain't jackin' off to her. Again.' Kieran tells himself

There's no denying it. Kierans has gotten off to the thought of you many times, though he's not proud of it. He can't help it, you make him feel so dizzy every time he looks at you. He sits there a little while longer, trying to think of anything but you. He looks around the stable and the first thing his eyes come across is your mount, making him huff. How was he meant to not think of you?

'Fine.' He sighs, talking to himself in his head. 'You're pathetic, you know that? Gettin' off to some poor woman just cause she called you a few sweet names.'

Kieran pulls his gloves off, his warm hands wrapping around his cock. He starts slowly, trying to think of anything else to jack off to, but everything flicks back to you. He eventually gives up, allowing himself to really think about you.

'This is the last time you're doin' this,' he tells himself.

Once he's happy with his little self-discipline talk, he lets his mind wander. Kieran allows himself to get as dirty as he wants, but the first thing that comes to mind is how good your ass looks in that tight pair of jeans. Yes, he's checked you out many times, usually as you're mounting your horse. He's often wanted to pull you off your horse, bend you over the pen's fence, and fuck you there till your knees are weak.

Kieran picks up the pace, letting his eyes fall shut and mouth part slightly. He thinks about earlier, how he wishes you'd have called him over to stand in front of you whilst you were sat on the fence. He wishes you'd grabbed a hold of him by his O'Driscoll scarf and pulled him against you, letting your lips meet. He wishes you'd have wrapped your legs around his waist as you made out with him, uring him to grind against you. Kieran doesn't wish for much, but you're top on his list.

Kieran lets out a small whimper, quickly opening his eyes to ensure himself that yes, no one is around. He shuts them again, huffing and trying to remain silent as he continues, starting to feel himself get close. The only person he wants around is you, fuck the rest of the gang. He'd love for you to come in here and put your lips around his cock, he'd probably cum the second your lips touch him.

Kieran lets out a sharp gasp as he cums, quickly lifting his shirt so it doesn't ruin his already tatty clothes. He rests there for a moment, suddenly realizing how absolutely fucked he is. He's got the hots for you real bad, and he knows that if you decide to keep being sweet on him then Colm will find out sooner or later. Kieran reminds himself that it was probably just a one-time thing, or that you were just messing with him.

Kieran wipes himself down on the hay, not having anything else to clean up with. He chucks it away from him, shuffling back over to his usual sleep spot after pulling his pants back up. Kieran lies back down facing the wall, falling asleep a lot faster this time, still thinking of you.

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

Text

You Got That Look In Your Eyes (Part 2)

Summary: Dean is back in town to take the reader on their first date...

Part 1

Pairing: Rockstar!Dean x reader

Square: Rockstar!AU

Word Count: 3,100ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Written for @spndeanbingo

______

“Who’s the hot date with?” teased Eileen, munching on a bowl of popcorn on your bed.

“She’s not telling apparently,” said Donna, stealing a handful from the bowl.

“That’s also the third time you’ve put on that dress,” said Eileen.

“It’s definitely edgy,” said Donna.

“You mean slutty,” said Eileen.

“Guys,” you groaned. “I asked you to come over to help me.”

“If you’re going for slutty, that’s the one,” said Donna, rolling off the bed as you threw your head back. “Alright, alright.”

Donna walked into the closet and you lay down on the bed face first.

“I take it you’re over douchebag,” said Eileen. You nodded and she laughed, rolling you into your back. “You just did your makeup. Come on.”

“Well it’s too much,” you said, going into your bathroom and washing off your face.

“Is she having a meltdown cause I totally just found the perfect outfit,” said Donna.

“Y/N? You freaking out on us?” asked Eileen.

“It’s just a guy,” said Donna, wandering into the doorway, holding up a flowery dress and your ripped denim jacket you forgot you even owned.

“That’s cute,” you said, wiping off your face.

“Wear your booties with it and this guy will be all over you,” said Eileen. “So who exactly has got you all in a twist?”

“You don’t know him,” you said, taking the clothes from Donna.

“Go light. It’ll go better with that,” said Eileen.

“Do you want to do my makeup for me?” you asked.

“I’d love to,” she said, grabbing your mascara out of your hand.

“Eileen,” you sighed, letting her turn your cheek.

“Fine. But I get to do your hair,” she said, slapping the tube back in your palm.

Half an hour later you stood in front of your mirror, hair in a fishtail braid and smoothing out your dress.

“I bet this guy is gonna love that,” said Donna over your shoulder.

“Well he’s gonna be here soon so…” you said, all three of your heads whipping around when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” they both said, skirting out of your room.

“Guys!” you said, both pausing at the top of your stairs. “Can you two please reign it in? And like not be here when I get back later? I like this guy.”

“Well she’s been smiling goofily at her phone the past three weeks. I hope she likes him,” said Donna as you headed down the stairs.

“Please stay up here until I’m gone?” you asked.

“Duh,” they both said.

“Thank you,” you said, jogging down the stairs and quickly opening the front door.

“Hi, sweetheart,” said Dean with a big smile, handing over a small batch of flowers. “You look beautiful.”

“What’s he look like?” you heard whispered from the balcony.

“I can’t see. He brought her flowers though. Point one for him,” said back Eileen. Dean chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

“Roommates?”

“Annoying ass friends who should go away now!” you shouted up the stairs. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool. I have been looking forward to this for weeks,” he said.

“You look pretty. Handsome. Pretty handsome,” you said, putting a hand on your face.

“I already know you’re a dork,” he laughed. “But thank you. You ready to go?”

“Let me just stick these in some water,” you said, jogging to the back of the house. You set them in a tall glass for now and headed back to the foyer, slipping on your shoes.

“So,” said Dean, wrapping his hand around yours once you were outside and walking to what looked like a nice rental car. “Your friends sound fun. Let me guess. Eileen and Donna?”

“How’d you know?” you asked.

“Oh, you’re always talking about your besties. It’s cute. I’m glad you got them around,” he said.

“They’re annoying...and they want me to get over the douchebag,” you said.

“Are you?” he asked. “We can keep this completely platonic if you want.”

“I am and I didn’t say I wanted to do that,” you said. Dean hummed, giving you a small nod.

“Good cause you have been flirting with me like crazy,” he said, smirking as he walked around the other side of the car.

“Keep it up, Winchester, keep it up.”

“Jeez,” you said twenty minutes later when you were downtown. “Am I dressed up enough?”

“Yeah,” said Dean. “I’m the one in jeans. Come on.”

You followed him into one of the arguably nicest restaurants in town and started to frown.

“I hope I’m not disappointing you but I just wanted to say hi to a friend quick. I haven’t seen him in a while,” said Dean.

“Oh. That’s cool,” you said, surprised when you started to head back into a kitchen and poked one of the cooks in the shoulder.

“Deano?” he said as he spun around.

“Hey Benny,” said Dean, getting wrapped up in a big hug. “Been awhile.”

“I haven’t seen you in a year, brother. So you think that little music thing is ever gonna work out for ya?” he teased.

“Who knows? You ever think that cooking thing will work out for you?” laughed Dean.

“Good seeing you. You look happier than I’ve seen lately,” he said, looking at you. “Well hello. You are far too attractive for my friend here.”

“This is Y/N,” said Dean.

“The Y/N?” smiled Benny. “Wow. Dean’s got such a crush on you.”

“Thank you, Benjamin,” said Dean.

“I think your friends would get along with mine,” you laughed.

“You got any friends as half as good looking as you and I’m all in,” said Benny.

“Down, Benny,” said Dean.

“You guys eating here?” asked Benny.

“Nah. Just wanted to stop by,” said Dean. “Tour’s ending soon so I should be around more.”

“Well let me know. We’ll grab a bite and a drink at my place,” said Benny. “Actually how about at yours, rich boy.”

“I technically still live at home,” said Dean. “I don’t even have a house.”

“That’s because you’re indecisive,” said Benny. “Now you two go enjoy your date.”

“Later, Benny,” said Dean, leasing you back outside of the restaurant. “Thanks for that. I haven’t seen him in forever.”

“It’s no problem. He’d probably get along with Donna if I think about it,” you said.

“Donna’s a cop, right?” he asked. “Benny would love that.”

“Well maybe if this goes well...we can have a little get together,” you said. “When you’re done with your tour.”

“I can’t wait to just sit down and do absolutely nothing,” he said. “Just sit with a guitar and just enjoy playing.”

“You still enjoy it?” you asked, walking with Dean along the sidewalk.

“The music, sure. It’s pretty cool hearing a song you wrote sung back to you by a ton of people. Hearing it on the radio is pretty incredible too. But I don’t really like the famous part. I hate going to events and stuff like that. I’d rather be hanging out or having a backyard bonfire,” he said.

“I get that,” you said. “I think you should stick with it though.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. Take a break, get your head on straight, get some good people around you. You’re not some rookie anymore,” you said.

“True. Not been much in the mood to write until recently,” he said.

“You know this is going to sound bad but I totally went and bought your album on iTunes,” you said.

“Well I appreciate it,” he chuckled.

“Wanna know my favorite song?”

“Baby,” he said, your eyes wide. “You seem like a Baby girl.”

“I know it’s not the song that was a hit-“

“It is actually the worst selling one if you can believe it,” he said.

“I really like that one,” you said.

“You know that song isn’t about a girl? It’s about that car my dad and I are fixing up. We call her Baby,” said Dean.

“I like it cause it’s a little sad,” you said.

“I wrote that when I found out I was going on tour,” he said.

“I like it,” you said with a shrug.

“I’ve been working on another song. This one actually is about a girl,” he said.

“A break up song?” you asked.

“A getting together song,” he said. “You know, when you got a new relationship, that sort of thing.”

“Oh really,” you said.

“Totally different girl, not you,” he teased.

“What’s her name?”

“...shut up,” he said, smiling when you grabbed onto his arm. “I mainly got the chords down is all.”

“Is it a happy song?”

“Very,” he said.

“Good,” you said, Dean swinging your hands together. “Where we eating dinner?”

“You’ll see.”

“I love the food trucks,” you said, halfway through your fish taco ten minutes later. “The douche hated them.”

“A cheater and he doesn’t like great food? What’s wrong with this guy,” said Dean, shoveling some brisket in his mouth.

“We work together,” you said. “Sorry. I’ll shut up about him.”

“He an ass at work?” asked Dean.

“No. It’s awkward. He cheated on me with one of our co-workers,” you said. “Work sucks right now.”

“Take some time off, recharge,” he said. “Get away from those guys.”

“I can’t. The company is paying off my student loan if I worked for them for five years. I still have three to go,” you said.

“I could pay off your loan,” he said.

“Thanks but no,” you said.

“How about a year from now if we’re still dating and you haven’t gotten rid of me and work still sucks, I can pay it off so you can be happier someplace else,” he said.

“Sure, why not,” you laughed.

“I think my odds of a second date just went up,” he said. You bumped his hip and he returned it, enjoying his fries before he started to tense up. “Can we go?”

“Yeah. Everything okay?”

“Somebody’s watching us,” he said. You looked around, Dean grabbing your hand and quickly walking the two of you out of there. “Looked like some paparazzi person.”

“You really hate being famous huh,” you said.

“Yup,” he said.

“Let’s head back to the car. I got a private place we can go.”

“You took me to a murder barn,” laughed Dean as you pulled him up the stairs.

“It’s...it’s just a quiet place,” you said, guiding Dean over to the open doors up on the second floor, sitting down and dangling your feet over the edge.

“Oh,” he said as he sat down, the night sky on full display. “That’s pretty. How’d you find this place?”

“A few friends and I were riding bikes when we were kids and this huge storm rolled in. We were way outside of where we were supposed to be and we spotted this place and hunkered down here until the storm passed. It’s always kinda been a safe place,” you said.

“Thanks for showing it to me,” he said, finding your hand and lacing it together with yours. “I like you, Y/N.”

“I kinda hoped so after all the flirty texts,” you said.

“You started it,” he said.

“You started texting me first!” you said.

“Cause I knew you’d never text me first. I bet a part of you thought that was a game I was playing,” he said.

“It was a very small part,” you said. “But I don’t think that anymore.”

“I don’t like games. Not those kinds of ones anyway,” he said.

“What games do you like?” you asked.

“I was always a fan of hide and go seek,” he said, hopping up. “Count to a hundred?”

“And if I win?”

“Bragging rights...and maybe I can swipe some extra passes for your friends,” he said with a smile. “Although you don’t have to win to get those.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to. You’d have more fun hanging out with them and I’d like to hang out with ‘em. Now, beautiful. Come and catch me.”

“How are you so good at that?” said Dean as you were sat on the hood of baby, eating some fast food take out and sipping on a pair of beers from your six pack an hour later. “Hide and seek.”

“Older brothers,” you said. “Four older brothers to be exact.”

“I see. You were thoroughly traumatized as a child then,” he chuckled.

“Oh, for sure,” you said. “But I got to annoy the shit out of them.”

“My little brother would agree with you on that,” he said. “Is this okay for like, a first date? I know you were probably expecting better than McDonald’s at one in the morning.”

“I like this first date. It’s simple and we’re not stuck in some restaurant where we can't hear each other talk and it’s fun to just bounce around, ya know?” you said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Simple’s nice. I like simple.”

“I still can’t believe you’re dating this guy,” said Eileen, shoveling a few chips in her mouth in the VIP room the next night.

“Want me to do a background check on him?” asked Donna.

“Don, no,” you said.

“Too late,” she said.

“And…” you said.

“Clean record. Apparently he and a friend went for a bit of a little speeding on the highway one night in said friend’s dad’s truck when they were teens. They just scared the shit out of them though. He looks about as harmless as a puppy dog,” she said.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Still though. I will kill him if I have to,” she said.

“Me too,” said Eileen, eating more chips. “These are so good. Sam hates chips.”

“Yeah but Sam’s like hot,” said Donna.

“Good point,” laughed Eileen, swallowing hard as she stared past you. “Hi.”

“Hi Eileen,” said Dean, giving her a smile before turning to Donna. “Hi Donna. You guys keeping Y/N occupied for me?”

“Uh huh,” they both nodded.

“Guys. He’s like a regular dude. Stop freaking on me,” you said.

“Regular dude who’s gonna sing in front of like a gajillion people,” said Donna.

“I heard you’re a bit of a singer, Donna,” said Dean. You gave her a grin, Donna glaring at you.

“Yeah...I’m not really great,” she said, poking Eileen. “Eileen. Talk.”

“S’okay. You guys looked like you were having a good time before I interrupted-“

“Your last name is Winchester,” she said. “That’s like...your real name?”

“Uh huh,” he said.

“You wouldn’t happen to be related to Sam Winchester on the off chance would you?” She asked with a swallow. Dean’s face lit up, looking Eileen up and down.

“You’re that Eileen! Oh, Sammy is head over heels for you,” said Dean with a laugh. “He’s my little brother. He pretends we’re not related sometimes. I don't really blame him. But he has a super crush on you. He talks about you for hours.”

“Really?” she said.

“Yeah, he thinks you’re awesome,” said Dean.

“Well, he’s alright,” she said with a shrug, biting her bottom lip.

“You know he believed in the Easter bunny until he was twelve,” said Dean.

“I wonder who told him that,” you said, Dean chuckling.

“Well I’ve got to run ladies. Enjoy the show and if you guys want anything, be sure to go ask Kyle,” said Dean. He nodded for you to walk out with him, Dean pausing by the door. “Small world with Eileen, huh?”

“Your little brother is a lawyer?” you asked.

“Mhm,” said Dean. “I try to keep him out of this stuff. But I mean, not to gossip but Sammy really loves your friend, you know.”

“I think she knows,” you said with a smile.

“Do you want to grab a bite or a drink after the show?” he asked.

“Maybe,” you said with a shrug. “We were thinking of getting a pizza at my house later.”

“I like you guys. You eat all the time,” he chuckled.

“Boys are invited,” you said. “If you want.”

“Can my brother come?” he asked.

“Yeah. Invite your friend Benny too if he’s free,” you said. “You know, Donna’s single and always down to mingle.”

“Alright,” he said with a smile. “Now I really got something to look forward to.”

“Hey, go have fun out there,” you said.

“Okay but only cause you asked,” he said, flashing you a wink.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said.

“But I’m cute right?” he teased.

“Eh…” you said, Dean pouting. “Yeah, I guess you’re cute. Oh hey, what kind of pizza do you like?”

“Whatever you want is fine, sweetheart,” he said.

“Come on. My treat,” you said.

“I never turn down buffalo chicken,” he said.

“You just got more attractive,” you said, Dean smirking at you. “I will order some then and I will see you after the concert?”

“Mhm. Be sure to catch the last song before you head out though,” he said, smiling before he pecked a kiss to your cheek. “Later, Y/N.”

“Alright, I know this is normally the end of the show but I got something new I want to share with you guys,” he said, spinning on his stool, flashing a wink off stage at you. “It’s called Simple.”

“He wrote you a song called that?” whispered Donna in your ear.

“Why?” asked Eileen in your other one as Dean started to strum his fingers.

“Cause for some reason, with Dean, it’s simple.”

_______

#spndeanbingo #supernatural #spn #dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean #winchester #dean spn #dean x

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hellstenglow · 4 years

Text

Fiveya Meta: they need to talk

Endure me, I am on a fiveya-train and my thoughts don’t shut up.

After watching the most recent behind the scene videos of TUA season 2 we can conclude that they did make senseless choices in the plot because in some cases they had to. For example in the case of the snow storm created by Harlan in the final episode, that was added to the script because suddenly there have been a snow storm on the outside set the days before the scheduled filming and they couldn’t clean the place enough, in time for the recording. The snow was added.

I also think they could have written some of the characters better and given them real development (*cough* Luther, Ben *cough*). I wasn’t even a fan of the whole “Vanya lost her memory” thing, but I’ve read that Steve Blackman (the showrunner) doesn’t want to diverge from the original content too much (which is a bit silly to say since they did make major changes since season 1, but okay). I guess that’s why Vanya’s amnesia was still there, although they treated it differently. In the comics it was Mom-Grace who helped Vanya to find herself again and her own value, in the show it was Sissy who did it. I thought it was kind of a hint to the comics the fact Sissy resembled Show-Grace a bit (blond, kind and a mom). Did I think it was unnecessary to have a love interest for Vanya right after season 1? I did, but I justified the choice by thinking that the show wanted to give Vanya a taste of what real love (not like Leonard’s manipulative and abusive love) is supposed to be. I also thought it was a way to show how Vanya needs to stop clinging to the first person who gives her affection, attention and treats her with kindness. I hope she’d realize that and work on herself and family in season 3, first and foremost.

Even with the evident flaws I enjoyed season 2, especially because I decided to treat it as a passing by (detour/digression) chapter in a longer story. All Hargreeves siblings in the ‘60s tried hard to make a new life and ignored their actual life (Allison, Luther, Klaus) or had a convenient amnesia (Vanya) or focused on something too much to lose track of what matters (Diego). Everyone except Ben (who was not treated once again as a full character despite the apparent level up the PR promoted) and Five (who once again was running around in panic mode to stop an apocalypse). Remember Vanya saying, “New timeline, new me.” And Five replying “That’s NOT how it works.”? I may give the writers more credits than it is due, but I hope those two lines were some kind of meta messages for the more attentive viewers. Those two lines can explain perfectly season 2 to be honest.

Nobody can know how long a tv show would run, a fact that expose us to uncertainty. It’s always a gamble trusting writers and showrunners to deliver a good story, but all it’s fair game and one has only to accept it. I do not trust any of them, but I cannot help myself and still hope that they will not ruin everything. With all this said, let’s talk about something I think the show has to tackle in next seasons: Five and Vanya are two points of a theme that needs to be addressed and solved. They need to interact, talk and close their open theme together.

This is not a cohesive meta and I probably will lose myself in too many details, but I hope the message I am trying to convey will arrive. This is only my reading of the show and theories, so you can disagree. I just hope you’d find something interesting and maybe help someone to have a different perspective on what’s going on and where (I pray) the show will go. Here the points I will talk about, if you are in for a very verbose essay, please click on the “keep reading” button. Meanwhile I’ll wear my tinfoil crown and sip some margarita.

Five and Vanya are a theme

It was mean to be Ben

Why the Fiveya’s tension in S2 EP 7’s iconic scene is a symptom of something

I dare to hope in fiveya (at least until proven wrong)

1. We have a theme: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the apocalypse

It’s a twisted joke of the universe that the very thing Five is obsessed about in season 1 (the apocalypse) was caused by the person he trusted the most (“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust” - Five in S1EP1). The red thread that linked Five and Vanya can’t be more evident, that’s one of the reasons why I started shipping them. The family’s dynamic, the siblings’ relationships and bonds are equally important, they add layers and motivations to the story, but if we strip everything else and look at the core, we all know Five and Vanya are at the centre of it.

It’s not a simple coincidence that Five said “I’m the four horsemen”. At first, it’s just a funny line, because Five is drunk and he described himself as those fearsome figures (because he is the best assassin of the whole world and time. Death incarnated in his humble opinion). You don’t take him seriously when he said that line, you don’t pay attention to it.

However, later it gains a certain degree of truth. Subtly the show tells you that indeed Five is linked deeply to the “apocalypse” (Vanya), as much as the four horsemen (they are the prelude and the bringers of the end) are linked to the apocalypse (in the biblical sense). He lived it. He was trapped there for 45 years. He is obsessed with it. The Apocalypse is his business.

Timid little Vanya is the first person he looked for in the middle of the doomsday’s ruins and arguably his closest friend. On the first day of his return Five only have meaningful talks with Vanya. Five sought her to confide the horror of his memories and share the burden of the truth. He trusted her above everyone else. Then the universe made a laughingstock of him when it was revealed that Vanya caused the Apocalypse. Five didn’t know he was running towards her, despite wanting to go back to his family (her) all his life.

In the first two episodes of season 1 they made clear that Vanya and Five had an intimate bond in their childhood and still cared for each other after so many years, then the show proceeded to separate them until the finale. They tried so hard to keep them far away from each other during season 1 and we all know everything would have been different if they had time to properly talk, process their situation and find a solution together. Of course, the show didn’t give them that chance, otherwise the show would have ended in episode 3 and goodbye drama!

They did not confront each other in the end of season 1, they let Allison take that role because the show built up their connection as sisters and I didn’t dislike the choice. Did it work thematically? No, Allison has no connection with the apocalypse. That’s Five’s business. He didn’t confront Vanya, he let others take the lead in the most crucial moment and with no surprise the apocalypse still happened.

The other apocalypse in season 2 was still connected to Vanya and again Five ignored the cosmic signals and focused on dead ends. Despite knowing perfectly that the butterfly effect can come from any source, he didn’t even think about Vanya’s being the cause of the apocalypse again. Five should have listened Klaus when he suggested that Vanya might have been the cause. Funny how Klaus told him in S1 that he has an addiction and Five aggressively denied it. Funny how saving his family and stopping the apocalypse are always his top priorities, but Five still deny himself (for a reason or another) the time to confront Vanya (the apocalypse).

We have a theme waiting to be resolved: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the cause of the apocalypse. If Five does not confront Vanya the theme will never have a closure. It’s still open right now. It is still there, waiting to be picked up again. There is no resolution.

2. Vanya and Ben’s goodbye

The scene between Vanya and Ben was one of my favourites from season 2 and after pondering for a while I concluded that it couldn’t have been anyone else but Ben the one who helped Vanya in that moment. My theory is that the show will walk backwards the breaking points of Vanya’s life: Ben’s death, Five’s leaving and Reginald’s abuse.

Vanya is not fixed. How could she when she was barely Vanya in this season? “New timeline, new me” she said, but that was just a convenient escapism mechanism. Years and years of mentally and emotionally abuse don’t disappear in one week. The Hargreeves have still a lot to process and resolve, individually and as family. That’s why I hope the show will progress the story in the right direction and actually work on them in season 3. Especially Vanya, who needs to confront her trauma. That’s why the scene with Ben in episode 9 was necessary.

From Vanya’s book:

[…] Our everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad had [...]-pped into treating us like experiments. Not as children, but like animals. And what happened to Ben was the last straw that finally shattered the illusion for the others …

Ben died long time ago and his death was the last straw that shattered the illusion (for the others) that their father cared about them (even in his own messed up way). Everything changed from that moment and each sibling drifted away from one another after that. Ben’s death was the moment Vanya and the rest of her siblings stopped being a family. The definitive step of Vanya’s alienation from her siblings.

There was no place in the group for her. With Five’s absence and Ben gone (he is a caring brother, with Klaus is like that and I can imagine him being kind to Vanya in their childhood too. Although, Ben is not Five and we have seen him being harsh to her in the flashbacks in S1EP10), Vanya was truly lost.

The tearful and important moment between Ben and Vanya was a reverse moment in my opinion. Vanya needed that from Ben, his death heavily influenced the course of her life (everyone’s life) and it was only fitting that Ben should have been the one helping her to start again. It’s symbolic in a sense, but also very factual.

“Sorry that I left without saying goodbye” – Five, S1 EP2

“At least this time I can say goodbye.” – Ben, S2 EP9

I’m using my fiveya-goggles, but we all thought that what Five said in S1EP2 (when Vanya tried to find him at Hargreeves’ mansion) wasn’t just about him leaving her apartment. It’s a very specific line that works on double levels: text and subtext. The subtext of course refers to the day he run out the house and time jumped. I highlighted these two lines from Five and Ben because I think they share the same theme: leaving her without saying goodbye.

Vanya wasn’t on mission with the team when Ben died, and I doubt she even saw his body (or whatever remains were left) when the Umbrella Academy returned. She didn’t even see his manifestation during the Icarus’ fight, too focused in her own power. The scene between them in Vanya’s mind gave both the opportunity to make amend of untold words and missed moments.

Ben is dead, he is the one he cannot return. His departure is permanent, there is nothing they can do about that. However, they can have a closure. Ben needed to be the one first patching to mend Vanya’s relationship with her family, to remind her that she does belong. This sort of second death (finally move on into the Light) has more meaning than the first one, this time Ben completed the mission. He saved someone he loved (he couldn’t stop Klaus from destroying his life with drugs and alcohol) and could trust his siblings to take care of the rest.

I still think Ben didn’t need to die-die, but in a sense it was time for him to move on into the light. He was afraid to go on, but if he could move on so his siblings. It is time for Vanya to move on her own trauma.

(Yeah, I know. I still have problem with the scene because they erased canon in a way and Ben could do a lot more as character. They erased the fact drugs stop their powers like in Klaus’ addiction and Vanya’s pills, so how Vanya was able to use them under LSD? I tried to explain that to myself by the fact “they needed to bs that canon fact in season 1 and ignored it”.

We can also argue that Ben could have prevented the apocalypse in 2019 by doing the same thing, but in their defence S1-Ben didn’t know he could possess a body. Yeah, how did he do that without Klaus’ power help? No idea, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Ahah. I just swam with the flow at that point and accepted it as it is. Call it the power of superpowered siblings’ love. I’ve seen worse plot holes in my life. I can live with this).

3. Pass me the knife, there is some tension here!

From Vanya’s book:

Though prone to arrogance and outbursts, even more than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidante in the years before he disappeared. It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave us, it would be him who [I fully?] […] who fully trusted me.

I said that Vanya’s walking backwards her life’s breaking points. So, after Ben’s death, she needs to address Five’s leaving. Five was her only confidante in the years before he disappeared, as she wrote in her book. Five was very important to young Vanya (and old Vanya needs to remember that) and I bet when he left, that was a scar never healed.

Vanya missed him and hoped for his return, for a while she kept the lights on in the house every night and prepared for him his favourite sandwich. When Five did come back Vanya couldn’t process that fact properly in season 1, all she could think of was that she didn’t want to lose him again. Five on the other hand decided that he would save everyone on his own and for that choice he made a bunch of tragic rookie mistakes.

Miscommunication is their kryptonite and right now Vanya and Five aren’t able to fully communicate at the same level. Reggie did such a good work at parenting that they’re so unfit to deal with their emotions and relationships, that will always be the root of their mistakes.

Same story in season 2, meanwhile Vanya is on the verge to provoke another apocalypse (although indirectly), as usual Five was too obsessed with his own plans and was not even aware of the situation. He knows nobody is insignificant when it’s about altering the timeline, but he always ends to focus on the wrong lead. The show again did incredible summersaults to avoid the two to interact properly and when they interacted things still didn’t work for a reason or another. She didn’t remember her past, he was not entirely sincere with her. She wanted to start anew (having a family with Sissy, easy-peasy), he is trapped again in a run against time to save his family. They are still not at the same page and for the show that is convenient. They still can play with their open theme (my point number 1 in this meta).

I don’t blame Five in S1 for thinking that if the worse happens, they would need to kill her. I think he was in a very delicate state of mind in that moment, he didn’t have time to process the fact Vanya (his favourite sibling and we all know she is his favourite) caused the end of the world. It was disappointing and cynical, but time was ticking fast, and he had been in his “maniacal-panic” mode for almost eight days. I also think he wouldn’t really kill her; he was the one who convinced the others that they needed to take her with them in the time jump. They need to “fix her” (aka help her to never feel alone in the universe and prove her we do love her) or they’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

Just to be clear I think if Five wasn’t one day from the end of the world and in a rush to stop Vanya, he would had had the same reaction as Old Man Five in S2. His 14-days younger version take it very well “Fair enough” he said and then proceeded to tell Luther how to save Vanya, no mention about killing her whatsoever. Old Man Five had time (10 days more than our current Five) and a direct clue on how to stop the apocalypse (thanks Luther). Nobody was going to kill Vanya.

“Vanya will always be the cause of the apocalypse, unless we fix her.” - Five S1EP10

“Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb.” - Diego S2EP8

Vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb unless she heals. A fact that can be added to my number 1 point in this meta, there is an open theme and they need to tackle it. Five and Vanya need to confront each other and resolve it.

This takes me to S2 EP7: the iconic stare-power stand between Five and Vanya. THE TENSION was real, and you could cut it with a butter knife. The first time I screamed at my screen, I felt like Gordon Ramsay in one of those episodes of “Kitchen Nightmare US” when someone finally serves him good food.

Of course, the immediate reading of the scene is that Five needed Vanya to come along and Vanya didn’t want to go because at that point these Hargreeves are still strangers to her (amnesia is so convenient), Sissy and Harlan are the ones she knows and loves in that right moment.

They were still able to cut each other with sharp words and hostile glares though. Five let her have what she wanted, not because he feared her, but because as usual he cares more about her feelings than what he would ever admit. It’s the second time in S2 he let her go, his soft spot and favouritism for Vanya was showing once again! *fakes surprise*

I think the tension shown in this scene is a symptom that Vanya and Five are on the verge of something they will (they have to) confront soon or later. This is the subtext reading I came out with.

Even if you don’t look at it with shipper goggle, you feel there is something going on. They let the viewers feel there is a sensitive something whenever these two have an alone scene together. All their alone scenes have a specific grade of intimacy, they made it clear since the scene in front of Five’s portrait. They care for each other, they love each other (sibling love, platonic love, we-could-have-been-something love etc…) and it’s there. However, Five left and Vanya never truly recovered from that. They didn’t process that fact and I truly believe they can’t move on until they heal that scar.

Basically, S2 EP7 Fiveya’s scene = We have to talk, but this is not the moment because the show is only on its second season! THIS TENSION IS HERE FOR A REASON.

4. Hope is the last thing to die

I shouldn’t trust a show, I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past years and showrunners of popular shows tend to be unoriginal and cowards. However, I am an optimist at heart and until season 3 I dare to hope anyway. If proven wrong, there are always fanfictions who can do better job than canon.

If all was lost they could have eliminated Alluther too from the universe because of certain fans screaming “harcest is incest you weirdos”, but Allison and Luther’s situation still exist and still work on the parameter “will they or not”? I imagine for their shippers it was annoying to have such a regression in season 2, but they didn’t destroy it and they still gave them scenes.

Fiveya had even a more subtle situation than Alluther but they’ve been granted the same level of intimate interaction whenever they have an alone scene together. Until Five (the character) will gain an older body (which he can) the whole thing is suspended. However, I think they wouldn’t have been open about the possibility of Five changing back to an older body and spoke about in season 1 if they didn’t have an idea for that.

I brushed off the line Five said to Old Man Five about being forever trapped in his 13-years-old body. It’s canon that there is a way to gain an adult body for Five, the Commission has the technology and even if it’s not the Commission they can mambo-jambo the thing in a way or another. That would never work. The actor is a growing up teenager and from season 1 to season 2 he has already changed. I imagined he will change even more before season 3 will ever start recording (maybe very late due the COVID-19 situation).

Aidan is a fan favourite and I am one of those who can’t see anyone else playing Five, with this said there are still ways for the show to give us fiveya. Young fiveya flashbacks will be always an option to explore the idea of “they had a crush on each other when they were young” and make other viewers understand that it wasn’t all “sibling” love between them. Endgame in a distant season can always have an epilogue with an adult Five (another actor I mean) having a very non-platonic (let adult Fivey kiss please) moment with Vanya, meanwhile building up the longest slow-burn (kinda, deep down I believe those feelings for each other are there) of the century.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe my tinfoil crow is too tight, and my brain doesn’t breathe. Maybe the show will succumb to easy paths and angry bullies. I don’t know, but until proven wrong I dare to hope.

PS: This is a monster of a meta and it probably doesn’t make sense? I hope someone will get what I’ve tried to say. I hope you survive, brave readers. Here a glass of margarita for you. I’d love to hear what you think

#fiveya #five x vanya #vanya x five #my meta

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zoeology31 · 4 years

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Elena of Avalor 5 Best and Worst Episodes, As Rated By Me

What the title says. The show that’s dominated our lives and hearts for four years is coming to an end, and I’m feeling extremely nostalgic. Before Coronation Day airs, I wanted to try ranking the best and worst of the 76 previous episodes (not counting EatSoA).

Rankings below the cut.

Worst

Honorable Mention: Finding Zuzo

This episode is saved from the bottom five by the Elenaomi moments at the beginning and end and the fact that it introduces Bobo/Cacahuate as a ship. Everything else about it is boring. The spirit tunnels are just a long dark cave with thorns? Orizaba finally enacts her revenge, and it’s dangling people over a pit while monologuing? Lame.

5. Flight of the Jaquins

Skylar... really works best as a supporting character. Nico’s good in the season finale but very annoying here, and Ciela and Avion each have half a personality trait. Also I lowkey hate the song. This episode does get points for Jaquin Lore and setting up the events of the finale, as well as Troyo’s introduction and arguably his best appearance.

4. Model Sister

The song is good, at least. But this episode suffers from incredibly strong secondhand embarrassment the whole way through (the dance scene, anyone?), Esteban’s weird early season 1 asshole tendencies, and a terrible moral. Yes, kids, you should always put your family first, even above actual critical foreign policy that might determine the fate of your country!

3. King Skylar

It looks cool, and the song is good. Alas, once again, Skylar does not do well as a focus character. They just never make his development feel convincing or appropriate to me, I guess, which is especially egregious here because this is probably the end of his arc. But ultimately this rates worse than the last few because of that. fucking. frog. Why is he a recurring character. Why.

2. A Lava Story

I hate the volcano rocks. Not as much as the frog, but close. Why are they back again. Why is there a girl rock who is smaller and rounder and pink and has eyelashes. Why is volcano rock sexual dimorphism a thing. This is possibly the show's most unbearably heterosexual episode. The one good thing about it is Alonso and his attempts to be a decent person.

1. All Heated Up

I feel bad for hating this episode so much because there’s nothing wrong with the moral, but that has not stopped me from hating the episode. I am not compelled by the plight of the volcano rock. I hate the song. I hate how Elena didn’t just turn around in the hallway and go “hey council I figured out he’s mad because kids keep stealing his rocks”. Also Esteban’s peak asshole in this one.

Best

Honorable Mention: The Scepter of Light

The first of many episodes that blew my expectations out of the water. Elena actively using her scepter for the first time is a big game-changer, the escalation of her connection to magic and her role as protector of her kingdom. Orizaba, the show’s second major villain, has a killer design and song, and her threat level establishes a new seriousness to the show. Also 3.5 years later(!) and I’m still not over the hand-holding scene. Eleteo rights.

5. Rise of the Sorceress

The Magic Within does not make my top five, but this does, because it pulls off the transition of plot arcs, shifting villain alliances, and resurfaced trauma in the midst of a joyful celebration much smoother. It boasts some amazing visuals, like the song lyrics about triumphing over darkness juxtaposed with Shuriki breaking into the treasury and forming her new wand, plus the ending of Team Elena riding back to the castle as the sun emerges from the clouds.

4. King of the Carnaval

The episode that answered the question, “Will Esteban’s betrayal ever be relevant?”. Establishing the conflict between fear and family that continues to drive Esteban’s decisions, it sets up his arc for the rest of the show, as well as several other arcs. It also introduces two of the show’s most important recurring characters in Victor and Carla, giving both solid characterizing moments from the start. Featuring sweet family moments, a great chase scene, and that amazing song.

3. Dreamcatcher

One of the series’ most important episodes, tackling grief and complex emotions in a way I've seen very few shows do, ever. Just. Telling kids it’s okay to be upset and have really confusing feelings, but you have to be honest with yourself and process those feelings to move forward? Amazing. And it does so with a truly gorgeous visual and heartbreaking dialogue sequence. The only reason it doesn’t rank higher is we never get to hear Isabel’s feelings about Esteban’s betrayal.

2. The Jewel of Maru

This episode does for Elena what “King of the Carnaval” did for Esteban, establishing her motivations and personal challenges that return to plague her in season 3, like her stress over an unknown future. It opens season 2 with one of the show’s most moving songs, stunning visuals, a fascinating look at Maruvian history, and the absolute tearjerker of Elena’s parents appearing. The Delgados’ continued villainy and Mateo’s steadfast support also make for an excellent side cast.

1. Song of the Sirenas

Easily the best special and my bar for the series finale. Filled with evocative character designs and layers of symbolism showing both the new challenges the characters face and how far they have come, “Song of the Sirenas” provides the perfect conclusion to the Shuriki arc. The introduction of the sirenas adds moral complexity to the show, while illustrating a core message: we are stronger when we bridge our differences and work together for a better future. And the climactic fight is one of the show’s best, giving everyone a chance in the spotlight and seeing Elena deliver the justice her family and people deserve by killing Shuriki for good.

#elena of avalor #princess elena #naomi turner #mateo de alva #skylar #chancellor esteban #shuriki #song of the sirenas #my stuff #analysis #episode review #episode ranking

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caliconnected · 3 years

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8 Ways to Celebrate 420

420 is back and better than ever!

After a long year of quarantines, lockdowns, and solo smoke seshes, just about everyone is ready to go out and celebrate. And with marijuana being more ubiquitous than ever before, this year’s cannabis “Christmas” will be one for the books!

While some of us have been partaking in 420 festivities for years, the holiday still remains an elusive and mysterious event for many. For any marijuana newbies, or for those of you who are just trying to have the optimal weed day, we compiled a list of some key 420 rituals that you should highly consider for this years celebration:

1. Pick up some pot on 4/20

In the past two months alone, recreational marijuana has been legalized in four states (New Jersey, New York, Virginia, and New Mexico). That brings the total to 17 states (plus Washington D.C.) that allow adults to consume cannabis, for fun!

Remember, just 10 years ago recreational pot was illegal in the entire United States. Now, Americans all over the country have ease-of-access to marijuana.

Check out your local dispensary this 420, and you will almost surely find that there is a 420 sale as well. Many cannabis retail stores run promotions for the entire week, usually offering the lowest marijuana prices you could possibly find anywhere (the streets included).

Is weed still not legalized in your state? Take a roadtrip!

For most of America, a weed legal state is now closeby. 420 is a perfect excuse to day trip somewhere and celebrate the legit (and legal) way.

The holiday sales at dispensaries and the judgement-free culture enable you to relax, smoke, and save a little moolah. What a delightful experience it could be this 4/20 to get stoned in a city where smoking pot is normal! And just remember, don’t drive under the influence. Grab an AirBnB and chill for the day!

2. Roll up a 420 masterpiece

Whether you’re a seasoned stoner or dipping your toes into the world of weed for the first time, rolling up some pot is a staple of the 420 holiday. There are a myriad of materials and techniques when it comes to rolling, the classic joint being the standard bearer.

From artistic cross-joints to fat tulip joints, the variations are seemingly endless, especially on 420. We recommend the always-satisfying, rarely canoeing Cone Joint. Check out our blog on rolling the perfect cone joint if you need some guidance!

Another cornerstone of weed rolling is the blunt, a versatile and nuanced way to bring some holiday cheer to your celebration. Traditionally rolled with cigars, these days the blunt’s possibilities are endless, with more resourceful options such as hemp wraps. Read our blog post about blunts if you’re not sure where to get started!

3. Create tasty 420 edibles

Marijuana and food are two peas in a pod. But you’ll probably be wanting to eat more than just peas once you get the munchies. Edibles are a fantastic and versatile way to enjoy your 420 holiday. Additionally, edibles are a COVID-safe option for celebrating 420 as there are no joints or pipes to share, and no gross mouths to worry about!

From the classic brownie to salad dressing, the possibilities are endless when it comes to making edibles. THC, the main chemical in marijuana, attaches to fat cells when heated; this makes a variety of oils ideal for carrying the cannabis experience into your belly.

We recommend making some cannabis coconut oil. As one of the fattiest oils, it is ideal for making cannabis oil and has a large capacity for holding THC. That means it can get very potent, plus it's versatile.

You can use THC-infused oils in baked goods or cook on your stovetop with it. For a simple and quick concoction, just spoon a few chunks of cannabis coconut oil into your morning coffee to start your holiday right!

4. Dabble in concentrates to intensify your 420

As far as strength and purity is concerned, cannabis concentrates are considered the bee’s knees. Concentrates are far more popular in Colorado and California than elsewhere, but more and more people are discovering the joys of smoking and vaping concentrated extracts such as shatter, budder, rosin, and live resin.

While “dabbing” with a torch and oil rig (a small water pipe) is considered the main technique for consuming concentrates, there are a variety of ways to enjoy these powerful forms of marijuana. For example, you can simply smear some concentrate on top of your cannabis flower in your pipe or in a joint if it’s your first time.

And then there are always vape pens, which are back and better than ever after a period of uncertainty. Harmful chemicals like vitamin E oil and heavy metals have been found in black market vape pens, however virtually all weed-legal states now have stringent testing requirements for these pens and pre-filled cartridges that ensure their quality and purity. It’s always good to keep a vape pen nearby in case someone is taking too long to roll a blunt!

Regardless of which method you choose, the 420 holiday is the perfect excuse to try concentrated extracts for the first time.

5. Put your 420 records on

That skunky scent that you smelled at your favorite artist’s concert is no coincidence. Marijuana has been found to dramatically enhance music, its effects leading to a more profound and enjoyable listening experience.

Live music is a fantastic idea, and should certainly be taken advantage of if there happens to be a concert on 4/20 in your area. Artists have been struggling with the lack of performance opportunities over the last year, and 420 is a great opportunity to get high and support your local musicians.

However, even a year after the pandemic started, live shows are a rarity. If you can’t find a concert on 4/20 to attend, there are plenty of options to get your music fix while getting stoned.

For one, you can listen to an album. In this fast paced world where instant-gratification is always within reach, we tend to listen to a smattering of songs instead of delving into artists and their full albums.

420 is a great opportunity to slow down, sit back, and appreciate a full album. Go out of your comfort zone and put on music that you might not usually listen to. A few puffs of cannabis can lend you newfound respect for a new genre or artist.

And marijuana doesn’t just enhance other people’s music; it can make you sound better. Have a karaoke session with friends and enjoy the musical superpowers of weed.

Not only will you shake the usual nerves that come along with singing in front of people, but your audience (who have hopefully been partaking in cannabis as well) will likely be more impressed by your skills!

6. Create a 420 Work of Art

You have likely heard of “Sip & Paint” nights where friend groups and Tinder dates go to drink wine, paint pictures, and create purple-lipped memories.

“Paint & Puff” is the 420 version, and is arguably the superior experience. Just as weed can strengthen your musical experiences, so can it upgrade your artistic capabilities.

Grab some acrylic paints, brushes, and canvasses, roll up a few joints and throw on a YouTube painting tutorial to watch with your 420 friends and family!

There is no question that your 420 celebration will be greatly enhanced by including arts and crafts, whether it be a Paint & Puff activity or simply going to the craft store and grabbing some adult coloring books. Get creative and use the 420 holiday to unleash your inner artist!

7. Stream your perfect 420 movie

Cannabis is all about relaxing and viewing the world from a different perspective. That’s why watching a movie is an ultimate 420 activity.

And while movie theaters are opening up again, streaming a weed-friendly film is a great way to be in a comfortable environment and stay entertained.

Here are some great movies that are perfect for the 4/20 holiday. Some are marijuana-centric, others are known for their weed-enthusiast fans.

Dazed and Confused

Pineapple Express

The Big Lebowski

Bad Trip

Friday

Spirited Away

Pulp Fiction

Across the Universe

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

8. Celebrate 420 in the great outdoors

April showers bring May Flowers, but if you ask us, April (20th) flowers are far more preferable. Marveling at nature’s beauty while consuming marijuana is the perfect recipe for easing your mind and body.

Why stay inside and fill your home with marijuana smoke? Smoke that bowl outside, on an outdoor adventure with friends.

Ideal 420 outdoor activities include a hike, outdoor yoga, and camping. Just make sure that you are being cautious if you’re bringing some pot with you outdoors, especially in places where marijuana might be considered inappropriate!

Wrapping it up

Finding unique ways to integrate cannabis into your daily routine, exploring new experiences outside your comfort zone, and just having fun is what the 420 holiday is all about.

No matter how you choose to celebrate 420 this year, be sure to set some time aside to visit CaliConnected and snag some new equipment with some of our best deals of the year!

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montagnarde1793 · 4 years

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Ribbons of Scarlet: A predictably terrible novel on the French Revolution (part 2)

In case you were wondering, that’s not actually the novel’s subtitle, which is really “A Novel of the French Revolution’s Women.” But like, only the famous ones. Ok, I’m done. Moving on...

Parts 1, 3, 4 and 5.

Structural Issues

While the choice of characters was a red flag for me (and not in a good way), choosing to structure the book the way they did was a mistake.

This is true for a number of reasons. (I’m sorry, btw, for all the comparisons to Marge Piercy’s novel, but the shared conceit kind of made it inevitable.) Piercy’s characters also only got an average of 80 pages each (though as the typeset was denser, they arguably had a little bit more space), but since the POVs were interspersed, they played off each other much more naturally and allowed the characters the time to develop. Even there it could feel underdeveloped, but here it seems like they’re rushing the undeserved character development so they have some kind of complete arc for each character before the next part starts.

Some chapters are clumsier at this than others. The absolute worst is Pauline Léon’s, which is unsurprising for a number of reasons, but notably because she has the fewest pages of anyone except Charlotte Corday, who doesn’t really get an arc: she shows up in the plot already wanting to assassinate Marat; she succeeds; she doesn’t regret her decision; she’s tried and executed. That’s it.

This choice also means that the main strength of this type of anthology goes largely untapped: namely, that we get different POVs on the same events. Since each protagonist is associated with a different period in time, we can only ever get their point of view on previous events through awkward flashbacks.

It probably also accounts for one of the worst, most artificial and amateurish aspects of the book: the way in any given section the other six point of view characters are shoehorned into the narrative, whether it makes any sense or not. The protagonists of the different sections have to have some (highly improbable) relationship with one another or be reflecting on each other’s lives in the most ham-fisted, author-soapbox way possible. We’ll circle back to that last part in a bit.

Possibly the most ludicrous example of this is Manon Roland’s inexplicable decision to take a random trip to Caen in mid to late August 1792 just so the author can have her run into Charlotte Corday. Like, do I even need to explain how little sense this makes? Apparently so. Look, first of all, going from Paris to Caen was not a trivial trip in the 18th century. Today you could make a day-trip of it and not be missed. It’s about 2 hours each way in the TGV. But in the 18th century, you’re looking at more like 2 days each way, minimum. Not the sort of trip you tend to make without an ostensible reason. Does Manon Roland have one, even as written? No, she does not. She’s going to Caen to flee the temptation of François Buzot’s advances. Which, ok, internal motivation for leaving Paris, but they don’t bother to give her a pretext. How is she going to explain to her husband her random absence of at least 4 days (not to mention the expense)? And why Caen (other than the external reason of the author’s wanting her to come across Corday)? She has no connections there. Does the author even know that the main person Manon Roland knows from the region is Buzot and that it’s therefore the last place she should flee to stop thinking about him? And she’s supposed to be a savvy politician: does she not care about the optics, as the interim Minister of the Interior’s wife, of fleeing in the opposite direction as the Austro-Prussian troops are advancing on Paris?

And I know what you’re thinking: I’m overthinking this. This wasn’t a book designed for specialists. But I think a reader can tell when a world they’re reading about doesn’t feel fully fleshed-out. In that sense, it’s less about accuracy than it is about how flat and artificial a reading experience it makes for. One of the most valuable things I was taught in school was that when making a presentation, you should always know more than you intend to say. I think the same goes for fiction: you should know more about the setting and the characters than appears on the page. In this book I consistently have the impression that the authors know less.

Moreover, the authors claim to have been striving for maximum consolidation of characters in order to reduce confusion, but it ends up coming across as both artificial and condescending. Trust your readers to be smart enough to work through their confusion. Otherwise you make it feel like there were a total of about 20 people in Paris during the Revolution, which, again, makes the setting feel completely artificial.

While I’m not sure anything but better research and writing could have salvaged it, this book would have already been 1000% better if the characters met or thought about each other only when it would actually make sense for them to do so and the narratives were interwoven.

The Authors are Desperate to Make Sure You Feel the Way They Want You to about Key Figures. They Also Think You’re Stupid

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not accusing them of supposing their readers to be ignorant about the French Revolution. You should always assume your reader to be ignorant of what you’re going to tell them. Ignorant, but intelligent. That’s the key. The problem is that the authors don’t trust their audience.

So we also get characters doing things like giving you a who’s who of the most famous (and only the most famous) authors, artists and activists of the time whether it makes sense for them to do so or not, like this is a textbook and we’ve got to make sure the reader is informed of the existence of all these figures (or maybe give them the chance to pat themselves on the back if they’ve already heard of some of them).

Or my least favorite French Revolution trope: having Robespierre ominously show up in 1789 to start plotting the “Terror” (here they have him spouting the apocryphal* quote “pity is treason” to an audience of Sophie de Grouchy, Condorcet and the Sainte-Amaranthe family sometime in May or June 1789) (p. 89).

*Presumably, it’s a corruption of declarations such as the one in his 5 November 1789 response to Louvet’s denunciation that “La sensibilité qui gémit presque exclusivement pour les ennemis de la liberté m’est suspecte.” (“I find the sensitivity that groans almost exclusively for the enemies of liberty suspect.”) or the one in his second speech on the judgment of Louis XVI of 28 December 1792: “la sensibilité qui sacrifie l’innocence au crime est une sensibilité cruelle ; la clémence qui compose avec la tyrannie est barbare” (“sensitivity that sacrifices innocence to crime is a cruel sensivity; clemency that compromises with tyranny is barbaric”).

Again, we see the same need for oversimplification. Robespierre is, as one of the authors’ notes puts it, one of the “dangerous men” (back matter, p. 18) that should have been prevented from ever having power so he’s not allowed to ever do or say anything sympathetic. (And yeah, I know, death of the author and all that, I shouldn’t count the authors’ notes, but they really only serve as explicit confirmation of what could be pretty transparently inferred from the text and this way no one can accuse me of reading things into it that aren’t there.)

Because of this, even real quotes are cited out of context to the same end: when Robespierre says “pity is treason” in 1789, Condorcet says his bit from the Chronique de Paris article from April 1792 to his wife — you know the one, about Robespierre’s being admired by women because he’s basically a cult leader (p. 90). There’s no reason to think Condorcet had any particular enmity toward Robespierre (or even that Robespierre would have been on his radar) just after the opening of the Estates-General, though certainly, contrary to what is portrayed here, Condorcet was not a democrat in 1789 and Robespierre was. But again, historical figures we’re not supposed to like must be set up early and often as stock villains — otherwise you run the risk of your readers thinking for themselves, I guess. Also the Chronique de Paris quote (which is from an unsigned article generally attributed to Condorcet) is pretty damn misogynistic, which given the book’s stated main theme, you would think would be addressed in some way, but nope!

Conversely, figures the authors like are liked by the characters — or they are at least forced to begrudgingly recognize their merit — whether it makes sense or not. One of the things Manon Roland is made to number among the things going “wrong” in August 1792 is “the hero Lafayette[’s being] forced into exile” (p. 261) and while it is the author of a different section who is a self-proclaimed La Fayette stan (thanks to Hamilton, of all things…) I think it’s fair to say from his portrayal in all the sections that we’re meant to admire him. But here’s the thing. I don’t really care what you think about La Fayette. That’s not the question. To Manon Roland in August 1792, La Fayette was a traitor who attempted to march his army against the Legislative Assembly and all her friends and allies in said Assembly voted to indict him. If you’re writing from her point of view, it should reflect that.

Likewise, they have Pauline Léon describe Olympe de Gouges like this in July of 1793: “A defender of women, of slaves, I wish I could have admired her, but having aligned herself to my enemies, I could look at her no other way.” (p. 353). Olympe de Gouges is far better known now than she ever was in her lifetime, so making sure every character has an opinion on her is, once again, pretty artificial, but even assuming Pauline Léon had heard of her, Olympe de Gouges’s brand of feminism was an elitist one that excluded women like Pauline Léon and her abolitionism went out the window when the slaves actually started to rise up, so Pauline Léon actually would have had reason to dislike her beyond the logic of ‘you’re with me or you’re my enemy’ (there is a quote where she’s made to think precisely that, but I can’t seem to find it now — or maybe it was Reine Audu; they’re characterized pretty similarly in that respect). Likewise, Pauline Léon is made to disapprove of Condorcet or the Rolands because they don’t “[get] things done,” not because of any actual ideological disagreement (p. 349).

Probably the worst bit of condescension comes once again from Manon Roland’s section, where she tells a fellow spectator in the gallery of the Convention, “‘Don’t bother trying to tell the different assemblies and conventions apart,’” which is pretty transparently just the authors directly talking (down) to the reader rather than a conversation people who were living through events (and invested enough to be attending the Convention) would plausibly have had.

If it sounds like I’m being particularly harsh on the Manon Roland section, btw, I actually think it’s one of the less poorly done, at least in terms of rendering an historical figure’s mentality, most likely because unlike for some of the other figures, we have her memoirs and correspondence. It helps that the figures she’s supposed to hate line up with the figures the authors want us to hate as well. She saw herself as a reasonable republican and her Montagnard enemies as demagogues and that’s also clearly the authors’ assessment of the situation, so there’s less of the strange cognitive dissonance you get in some of the other chapters where even what is supposedly characters’ own POV frames them as wrong.

Stay tuned for style issues and reflections on what it means to “write what you want to know”!

#en anglais #French Revolution #Révolution française

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thefootballlife · 3 years

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What do Croatia do differently?

On Tuesday evening, I came across a popular tweet by a Scottish football journalist known for regularly changing his Twitter bio asking a question about Croatia and Scotland in the wake of the former knocking the latter out of Euro 2020 in 2021. It was a simple one I’ve seen lots of times in the past:

“What do they do that we don’t”

It’s something I’ve done Twitter threads on before, it’s something I started to try to reply to Mr Spence about but then I thought no, let’s do this one properly for once. After knocking us out of the Euros, what the hell do Croatia do that Scotland doesn’t.

The initial answers to the tweet in question were the sort of thing you expect - more sport in education, hangover infrastructure from the Yugoslav era, forged in war, being independent, weather (Croatia has a 6+ week winter break), funding etc.

Great answers which all lie bare probably many prejudices held in the west about the Balkans - that war made a society somehow better, that independence is an incontrovertible positive. All of which neatly ignores the fact that Scotland beat one of their neighbours to reach the Euros and that the other ex-Yugoslav states bordering them didn’t get there. It takes Croatia’s success purely in isolation as opposed to working it into the threads of everything around it.

If nothing else, many of the reasons given (specifically the war one) don’t apply to a side who qualified for the last 8 of the U21 Euros with players born well after the Dayton Peace Accords. It particularly doesn’t apply to a side where we’re multiple playing generations in to Croatia being a respected national team - the factors we often attribute to Croatia as to why they’re so successful are short-term events that don’t satisfy an explanation of consistent excellence. This is particularly stark when you consider that those same factors apply in neighbouring countries (all independent former Yugoslav nations stuffed money into sport on independence, all went through some sort of trauma) yet only Croatia has executed it so well.

We have to look for other reasons because age limit football actually contradicts the Croatian success story - in the 2010s, Scotland went to the U17 Euros more than Croatia did (and one of those Croatia only got to as hosts!)

Ultimately, there is a key period of time where Croatia jumps in standard over Scotland and it is from that 16-22 bracket. Arguably, it is ahead of pretty much every other small nation in this particular regard and it’s well worth explaining why in full.

If we go to Scotland, a 17yo at Celtic who needs some development will do what? There’s no colts side, they might make a bench or two, they probably won’t go on loan because there’s others who need it more. They play youth football. But they need to be playing senior football. Maybe when they hit 19, they go on loan if they’re lucky - Celtic didn’t send out a single player under that age on loan this season. Nor did Rangers.

Dinamo Zagreb did. And those that didn’t went into the seconds side playing in the second tier. Or in the youth side if they’re not ready for that. Same for Hajduk. Same for Osijek.

The point is simple - when Scottish players are stagnating, Croatian players are playing. For those who like the phrasing - they’re playing proper football against proper men. While Karamoko Dembele, a guy who had masses of hype in the Celtic youth system, has only 8 senior appearances at 18 for a total of 112 minutes, Roko Simic, a less heralded Lokomotiva prospect, picked up 25 appearances this season for 1465 minutes (who, in the midst of me writing this, has been linked with a multi-million move to RB Salzburg).

Obviously, that’s cherry picking examples - there are plenty of examples of teenagers getting game time at smaller clubs - but it illustrates my point. The way players get better is by playing proper games - the physicality is a notch up, the pace is a notch up and, most importantly, the pressure and mental stress is several notches up. From a transfer perspective, who is more valuable - a 22 year old with 25 senior appearances or one with 150? Any manager or scout would deviate towards the latter because their ability to settle and to manage a game is going to be that much more developed - they’ll take more effective positions, they’ll read the game better, they’ll be less of a risk.

But, as I said earlier, what makes Croatia excel when, say, Serbia flops? To get to that, we have to examine the levels of each nation’s system and why the Croatian system, a system that is scaled down from larger nations, works so damned well.

We often describe player development as like a ladder. In Croatia, it’s an elevator. If you try to get off a ladder before the top, you tend to fall off completely and we’ve seen plenty of young Scots reach a point and stagnate or drop off the scene entirely should they not “make it”. Elevators are designed to let people off at many stops without being at danger of the whims of gravity.

The ground floor is, of course, youth football. Those leagues are competitive but they are, let’s be honest, broadly similar to what you get elsewhere save that Croatian youth sides will generally be exposed to more foreign opposition than Scottish ones. That’s just kind of a Balkan thing.

The first floor, then, is our next step up - 2 HNL. At the moment, this incorporates two seconds sides - Dinamo and Osijek (Hajduk recently mothballed their seconds for cost reasons but that’s a Hajduk reason as opposed to an indictment of the system).

Seconds have been in the league for a few years and it’s important to note that they have produced - you don’t have to go far to find national team players who have 2 HNL experience. Arguably the HNL’s most effective player, Kristijan Lovric, began his rise to the national team by dropping down to Kustosija in that league. This summer already, Marko Dabro, Fran Brodic and Mateo Monjac (the three exceptional attacking players in the division last term) are stepping up - Dabro and Brodic went abroad early and came back to get game time, Monjac pootled around Slovenian second tier clubs before coming of age at Orijent. Differing backgrounds but all found their level and all grew into players who will be playing at a higher level next term.

Add to that the experience first teamers at Dinamo and more picked up in seconds and it’s clear the 2 HNL offers not just a very good development environment but also a very good jumping off point for players who develop more slowly or players who simply never will reach 1 HNL. Crucially, those players in seconds or those loaned to the 2 HNL are playing at a good standard. While, when you drop to the Treca HNL (regional leagues), the standard of opposition is naturally more varied (as are the physiques!), the 2 HNL doesn’t offer the sort of cannon fodder teams you get in other nations.

I, for one, scoffed at the concept of Celtic and Rangers playing Colts sides in the Lowland league next season - not because I take offence at the mere concept of Colts sides (as many do), but because the concept that elite young talents will pick up that much when playing against (bluntly) plumbers is utterly laughable - you can’t jump from fifth tier to first tier as part of a gradual development. Aside from that, the Scottish part time system below the Championship (where players often opt to be part time because part time wage plus wage from a trade often exceeds a full time wage from many clubs and where, as a result, the best part time sides are regularly better than the worst full time sides) probably inhibits development - I won’t argue that Rory McAllister would lead the line for Scotland if he was on full time terms but I will certainly argue that he or Danny Denholm or any other of Scotland’s high profile part time cohort would surely have benefitted in terms of the standard of player they became from additional time in full time training. If that’s not the case, then that is surely an indictment of coaching in our full time clubs.

In part, that may well be an economic difference that Scotland benefits from, but it is a footballing disadvantage. Kristijan Lovric in Croatia is an international, a player on the verge of a multi-million move and a big deal because the path of dropping down to 2 HNL was open, competitive and actively kickstarted his development. Kris McLovric would have dropped down to play in League One and we’d never have seen him rise up again because he’d be a plumber.

(I realise at this point it may seem like I have something against plumbers. Honestly, I don’t - I’m just picking a trade you get decent pay from! If you can get £40k p/a from a trade and play part time, why would you look to go full time when most clubs outside of Celtic, Hearts, Hibs, Aberdeen and Rangers are only able to pay under £1k a week)

Colt sides have one more element - they are expensive. Hajduk, as mentioned earlier, have mothballed their second team for cost reasons (as indicated earlier, this is more a Hajduk issue than a issue with seconds), Rijeka maintained one for a couple of years before doing similar in 2016 leaving only Dinamo and Osijek (who set theirs up later and have substantial financial backing) to keep theirs going on into next season. Slovenia also tried seconds and, similarly, that didn’t last long with only Maribor trying to persevere with it before finding the economics of the thing didn’t work when they got stuck in the third tier. Second teams in Scotland would only work for Celtic and Rangers - a lot of talk from the SPFL clubs that want Colts to happen has centred around how other clubs outside of those two would love to do it but the experience of other nations would suggest they would actually be financially ruinous.

Once you rise past 2 HNL, one would expect you go to 1 HNL but, oh no, instead you go into loans. Croatian clubs use the loan system well and use it in two levels - the first is somewhere like Slovenia, Bosnia or Kosovo, the other is domestically (which is the next step up in itself). This range of foreign loans we can call 1.5 HNL.

The benefit from this 1.5 HNL group isn’t just “playing football”, it’s “playing different football”. Slovenia is a slower pace, more technical, more concentration on possession and working through the middle, Bosnia is more about width and physicality, Kosovo/Albania about countering and working from deep. It’s not simply a case of loaning players to clubs who play the same as you but a bit worse (as pretty much any move from Scotland within the UK would be), it’s to clubs who play differently, who think differently, who approach things differently. Bluntly, players are going places to either improve their strengths or bring up their weaknesses. One good example of this is, of course, Luka Modric - he was sent to Zrinjski to simply harden him up. Within the club, the loan was seen as the last chance saloon for a player too small and frail. A loan sent to challenge him saw him adapt, pick up the bits of the game he needed to and send him on a journey to, well… I think we all know the answer to what happened next. Modric is obviously an outlier, but we can look at a recent example of FIlip Uremovic or Roko Baturina - both Dinamo players sent to Slovenia who swiftly got themselves big moves because of what they picked up there.

Do Scottish clubs utilise that option? Most certainly not. Even Rangers, who more or less had someone on loan at every lower league club, had barely any players outside of Scotland. Details on play styles across leagues are readily available and should help inform loan decisions as opposed to “let’s just send them to Falkirk”.

Falkirk or Finland, the objective is to ensure that the player in question reaches their ceiling. Even if they’re not a player suited to Scotland, that doesn’t mean they should be precluded the chance to play abroad and develop rather than be thrown on a scrap heap for being too small or too slow or too whatever. The crime isn’t on the player for not making a grade, the crime is on those looking after them for ensuring they can find the grade that suits them - if that’s leaving football, then so be it, but if their ceiling is a good Championship player, then they should be given the tools to reach that. If a player has a hole in their game, utilising foreign loans can open players to experiences they wouldn’t get in Scotland and that would improve areas of their game that may forever be imperfect otherwise.

Why this works as part of the Croatian elevator is because you are giving players two different options - it can be used as a stepping stone to a higher level or, failing that, it can be used as an in in that particular nation. A great example of a player doing that is Matthias Fanimo - released by West Ham into non-league in England, he ended up taking a chance in the second tier in Slovenia then, two seasons later, was winning silverware in Sarajevo and is on the brink of a move to Turkey. For him, that was him as a person taking a massive gamble but the example is obvious - if you can’t get what you want/need where you are, other paths are available which will help you excel. I could easily have pointed at Ryan Gauld as well - exposure to other ways of talking and playing football is going to offer more valuable development opportunities than going from Rangers to Raith and creating a more well rounded player.

The next step on the elevator is probably one familiar to everyone - a loan in the same league. But although familiar, it is also different enough because of the qualities already built into the Croatian system. I’ve mentioned a few times on social media my firmly held belief that a match between the bottom of the Croatian top tier and the bottom of the Scottish would result in a one-sided blowout with the Croats winning handily. The depth of the Croatian league is formidable - far more so than Scotland. At the top, of course, there are a big four sides battling it out compared to two Glasgow ones in Scotland, but below that the standard is far higher than in Scotland and this is the area where the Croatian elevator really takes hold because it’s rare that, barring exceptional club grown talents like Simic at Lokomotiva or Zvonarek at Slaven, a player would simply be chucked in at this point without senior experience. In essence, everyone at this level is a senior pro - be they imported or coming up this elevator system - and all of them have had a good level of experience at a decent standard of league be that domestic or, as we see more now, imported from Germany, Italy or other ex-Yugoslav nations. That’s more than you get in Scotland.

There is a step between this and the elite - Lokomotiva. Croatia has the oddity of a club in the top flight who are unofficially the feeder club for Dinamo. The list of players who’ve come through Lokomotiva is frankly ridiculous (Kramaric, Majer, Ivanusec, Grbic, etc) for a club that’s only really been a thing for a decade and has helped to provide a finishing school at times for Dinamo. While I’m not openly going to recommend that Celtic or Rangers become best buddies with the Buddies and make them a feeder club, having that final extra step for elite players (and also having a club serve as somewhere a lot of released youth players go to get their second chance).

Then, of course, there is the elite. Dinamo, Rijeka, Hajduk, Osijek (and Gorica have plans to get there). These teams are playing regularly in Europe and, with the advent of the Conference League, will likely be playing group football regularly. Dinamo’s Europa/Champions league pedigree shows how effective that has been in terms of making clubs competitive and opening up new revenue streams. After 21/22, the domestic TV deal will also see a big rise with the imminent prospect of better international coverage.

Ultimately, players can jump out of the elevator at any of the floors on it and the result is that, because they have plenty of senior football under their belt, they are more capable at the levle they find themselves. Players find their ceiling and, in turn, that levels clubs at the lower ends of the foodchain also - an elite pathway that ultimately just increases the elite of the elite without providing depth is simply not sustainable. You can’t improve Celtic and Rangers without at the same time improving Ayr and Morton and expect sustainability.

For Scotland, that elevator system only stops at youths/Colts, Loan locally, elite clubs. Except you rarely see even that basic system actually come to fruition at the elite clubs in Scotland. It generally looks more like Youths, *shrugs and waves hands about*, elite. Between 16 and 22, there are stages in Croatia that don’t exist in Scotland nor, for that matter, is there the political will to bend football into a system that would actually put that in place.

This is an issue that larger nations don’t experience because they have the strength in depth and variety of club destinations so that the floors that are built into the Croatian elevator exist already. Scotland, as a nation with only around twenty full time clubs, does not and the issues with the drop off in the part time tiers make efforts to introduce Colt sides into a level where they would actually be broadly beneficial to those playing in them (ie The Championship) are contentious at best. For smaller nations, it is likely that one can retain tradition or one can be successful and that the two elements are actually mutually exclusive.

In a nation like Scotland where we not only treasure our tradition, we use it as a marketing tool, this is a difficult circle to square but, ultimately, that’s the question posed. Other nations around Croatia have begun to copy them - Serbia sees Crvena Zvezda’s farm club Graficar in the second tier with Partizan’s Teleoptik in the third (albeit Serbia has other structural domestic issues to sort out first), BiH has seen clubs adapt their models into becoming finishing schools for those dropping out of Sarajevo or returning from abroad (Mladost Doboj Kakanj are a good example there) - but no-one has yet managed to match how well Croatia does it.

When you go back a few years, there have always been ideas about how Scotland should do what larger nations do - when Marc Wotte was around, much of what was en vogue was to copy the Germans or the Dutch. That wasn’t wrong-headed, but it didn’t take into appreciation Scotland itself. The point of this piece isn’t to say that Scotland should be transposing the Croatian system wholly into what Scotland does, merely to point out what Croatia does and why they experience more success. Scotland has good players but has what is, on whole, a very weak league system that both has issues with producing young talent through it (with many going to England early) and with actually getting good value for that talent (something Croatia has become very good at over the past few years).

A final note, then - If you’re reading this then the likelihood is you follow me on social media and know what I cover. Come the conclusion of the season, I decided to tot up around how many games I actually watched bits of which came to seeing at least five minutes of every 1 HNL, 2 HNL, Serbian Superliga, Serbian Prva Liga, Slovenian Prva Liga, BiH PL, Ipko Superliga e Koseves, Kategoria Superiore and then Scottish stuff for keeping familiar and for pleasure (not that watching Celtic has been that much pleasure in 2021!). Many have had double weeks so this generally means I’ve been watching somewhere in the region of 90-100 games a week (10 hours, give or take) before I do any ad hoc scouting or just plain old sit and watch a live European game or live domestic game (or, for that matter, create clips of bits happening that promote those leagues). This, obviously, doesn’t leave loads of time for other endeavours such as writing on here and, of course, writing scripts for my podcast (The History of Yugoslav Football, go check it out).

None of that’s meant to be a humblebrag or some sort of nerdy notation of why I can write about this sort of stuff with confidence, more just why me actually writing proper pieces has shrunk to near nothing while me tweeting and talking has risen. It also explains a lot of why I talk about Scottish football less - ultimately what’s out there is, to me, more engaging than what we see domestically. The football you see in the former Yugoslavia is of a different genre - it’s slower, it’s more technical, it’s on the ground more and there’s a tempo to it that is different to what you get in the UK. Unlike in Scotland, it fits comfortably into a global ecosystem with cogs that keep it running while also appreciating that it, in itself, is a cog that keeps others running. I would genuinely recommend to readers of this piece to just go and watch highlights of a couple of Croatian games or a couple of Slovenian games (these are easiest to find) to see what I mean re play style. Chaos does occur at times - of course it does, it’s football - but while a Celtic fan may not be overly surprised by the standard of a Dinamo or Osijek, I expect a Dundee United or Killie fan would be surprised by the standard of an Istra (traditionally Croatia’s relegation skirters) or Slaven Belupo (professionally 7th).

There are plenty of reasons why Croatia beat Scotland and being able to enact a gameplan based around comfort in possession as opposed to “Hit it to the big Australian lad and hope he knocks it on well” was perhaps the key difference and that sort of gameplan is hardwired into all levels of Croatian football. The pitches aren’t necessarily better (yes, they have plastic pitches in places too), the weather isn’t better (Glasgow is warmer than Zagreb in the winter and cooler in the summer) so it’s not right to give off about environmental factors.

The reality is that Scotland appears to get it right up to the mid-teens and then it all goes spectacularly wrong. We can point to physical factors (coaches do still take physical development into account too much) as to why some players don’t progress the way they should, we can point to funding, we can point to plenty of things but the fact is that where Croatia has a finely tuned machine delivering prospects from youth football to senior football with stops along the way for players who hit their heads against a developmental ceiling, Scotland has a developmental path that is full of pitfalls and spits far too many players out of football altogether. If a 16 year old fails to reach their expected potential and they’ve not got other issues going on (injuries, etc), then that is a failure of the system whether their potential is to play for Alloa or Aberdeen.

Until Scotland sorts that pathway out, then the likes of Croatia will always punish us on the elite stage.

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