#are philosophical cowards

[do-you-have-a-flag]

there is a lot to say about the ethical problems and blandness of AI art but also just as someone who likes digital art because it’s low maintenance low cost to pursue, i think that it’s INCREDIBLY BORING to look at ai art because the creative process is lost

like people might gripe that digital art isn’t “real” art because of the difference in craft 

but ultimately i think each individual artist shapes their workflow to suit their needs and some people are able to do a lot of design work using presets and filters and photo-bashing and generative tools in ways that are creative and using a process that takes thought and problem solving

and personally i like the process of high effort art in traditional mediums and that reflects in my digital drawings, i love painting to render texture and light to an image for example, while i do use brushes and other tools overall i think the actual act is soothing and fun

and i think the creative collaboration when working with someone else’s prompts (a process that can be immensely frustrating when one-sided) is also a valuable experience as people can ask questions and negotiate concepts you might not have thought of on your own. the immediacy of output with ai, the way it flattens composition to the most common plagiarised components, it’s fun as a what if or a starting  point but it is a creatively incomplete endeavour specifically because the ai is communicating nothing and the person creating the prompt is almost entirely removed from the creative process. one sided intentionality without the meat of creation

ALSO for contrast i was thinking about the tradition of fractal art/fractal flames dating back to the 80s but more specifically being boosted in popularity alongside the world wide web thanks to one person’s algorithm in 1992. that guy now works in AI generation but back in the 90s he created an open source code that took mathematical iteration and translated it into graphics in common software applications that anyone could use. as a result i saw so many cool abstract almost mandala-like spacey images in the 2000s on deviantart and people are still making them today. it’s an artform that can only be successfully executed thanks to computers, it i complex in the process of execution but thanks to computers the process of creation is quick and seperate from human effort, the output is also very nice to look at. 

Why do i like this form of generative computer art and not so called a.i?  Because the algorithm for fractal art is pure mathematics translated into imagery, while generative a.i/neural networks datasets inherently require an input of other people’s work. a process that requires ethical consideration in ways that mathematical inputs do not. both use data to create images but what do they feed on? how are they applied? does their implementation say anything about their process or output? 

because as far as i see it, technology is neutral and usage is where the good and bad emerge, the process of generative images is a marvel of technology and how we as people love to create. but the way that these tools synthesise what they are given is a process so seperate from the people inputing prompts i really feel like it’s people losing the most fun parts of art (emotion, communication, and participation) and receiving the worst results of commodification of art (plagiarism, formulaic content, aesthetic cowardice, narrow perspectives, exploitation)

#long post #repeating things i've said before #but i really do think a lot of people who simp for ai art #and act like this situation is people being bitter they aren't as efficient as a machine #are philosophical cowards #and i mean that sincerely i think it is a type of thinking that is so embarrassing #also once again why are ai held to a different standard than actual creative professionals #when it comes to copywrite and licensing and plagiarism? #that's a rhetorical question the answer is corporations do not care about you and they will replace paid work with free garbage every time #i don't think everyone who develops ai tools are evil i think it is a fascinating process #but i kept this post mostly to my PERSONAL theories around art and creativity rather than ethics #cause otherwise i would just end up ranting about the irresponsibility and lack of moderation/oversite in the tech world as a whole #and others are more qualified and informed on that topic than i #but everyone is qualified to talk about what they think about art so i can make this post lmao #sorry for rambling in the tags too i love to never shut up

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[ecoamerica]

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[navree]

anyway the only version of jason going non-lethal that makes sense is the version he brings up in #975 where he makes clear that he's going against his moral compass and his convictions on what he thinks is right explicitly so that he can maintain a connection with his family. none of this mealy mouthed 'jason realizes Killing Is Bad' thing (i'm of the opinion that jason's kinda the direct opposite of bruce in that where it would be too easy for the latter to start killing and not stop jason can kill and obviously has but the easier option for him is to just not do it and he does it because that's how his philosophy works) but jason admitting that he's taking the easy way out and being selfish at the expense of his own moral code so that he can still be a part of the batfamily. it's the only thing that makes sense to me.

#personal #i've been rereading that arc because like.......kate kane...............wife #but jason's speech during the roundtable/trial whatever the hell in 975 is just so GOOD #so now i'm philosophizing about batman characters and making all my followers #(none of whom have followed for batman content i'm very sure) listen to me rant about jason todd #like it's my fault that he's the best boy #anyway yeah this is the only version of jason deciding to honor bruce's code that makes sense #like his view on killing criminals is a moral thing to him #it's tied into how he sees the world and also very intimately shaped by his experiences in life #going against that isn't going to be done for any lofty goals #it's because he wants to be a part of his family and be in their lives and manage to attempt some reconciliation and reconnect #so they can hopefully all heal from the mess that his death turned everything into #and if that means he has to go against what he thinks is right even if that's the easy way out or the coward's way out #he's doing it #he's taking the selfish option for once that he's gonna do what he wants and what feels good for him #(cuz jason's an intrinsically selfless person) #(anyone who's last acts alive include attempting to save another human life) #(when that human actively betrayed you and put you in the position you are now where you're about to die) #(is selfless to an almost insane degree and also sheila haywood burns in hell)

[jess-p-edits]

Happy Blorbo Blursday!! ❤️❤️

I’ll restrain myself from asking you to talk about every single character in HOM because I love them that much and go with one I don’t know a lot about yet. (leaving the ones about Krieve’s courting later hehe)

What is up with this immortal Queen? What kind of personality she is, what kind of relationship she has with the others? What the other characters think about her and what she thinks about Jaisse? Also, if it’s not too spoilery, what was her motivation to make herself immortal through the Hour?

Please gush as much as you want!! ❤️

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Timiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Blorbo Blursday!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for the ask!!! I always get so giddy about your excitement!!!! I'm touched!!!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️The queen is definitely a fascinating character to talk about!!! Not all good, not bad, just very complicated!

Okay, so the queen!!!! Before the Hour, 100 years ago, Camile (name still pending, not sure if it totally fits the character even if I like the name itself) was a solider in the Correlaine army (back when they had a tranditional army before they had to put all their marital prowess into...you know...fighting monsters once the Hour happened). She was very dutiful, very caring, and lived to protect the ones she loved.

Then the Hour happened, in all its abruptness. Amid the chaos, when she was able to quickly piece together that OH! MAGIC?? REAL MAGIC??? IS A THING NOW???? She realized that the number one way she would want to suddenly use these divine(????) powers is to make it so that she could be strong enough to protect others, to be able to not fear putting her life on the line in defense of the weak! Most people who were able to grasp magic during the Hour weren't able to use it in the exact, specific way to make yourself permanently immortal, so that drive to protect others indefinitely is what really made it "work". (The magic during the Hour was more or less limitless, but very finicky in how it manifested if you tried to will into reality something especially big or powerful!)

During the events of the novel, 100 years later, she's been elected queen for about uhhhhh 50 years now? She's incredibly popular with her people (hence why she keeps getting elected), and still cares very much for her land. She has the commitment, care, and experience to be a great leader, supported of course by her elected advisors.

Because of her long-livedness, however, she is beginning to somewhat lose touch with individuals, looking mostly towards the long term rather than the short term (and for her, the "short term" could count for like....an entire normal lifetime). She's definitely not dismissive nor does she deliberately dehumanize others; it's simply a side effect of one being alive for that long and seeing time stretched out before you. She's met (and lost) so many people. After the Hour and with advances in magic every day, she's seen civilization change (and continue to change) at a rapid pace, so it's hard for her to stay "in the moment" at all times. Her family certainly loves her, and she loves them and does her best to keep track of them as individuals, but there is always that weird tension as she's been, and will be, around for her children's entire life, but they are only in a fraction of her own.

#Before I decided to stop being a coward and put immortal characters in this story the queen was one of the most generic characters I had. #Now she's like a philosophical experiment #Very fun to try to figure out and a few other things about her are still in flux so sorry if this seemed disjointed!!! #wip: hom #blorbo blursday #tryingtimi

[probablybadrpgideas]

We finally meet for our final battle. I sneer as you draw your sword "You wish to fight? So be it! Now hero, behold! MY TRUE FORM!"

[agentldiddy]

Another thing I love about HTP is how they develop the starting villains.

Now, we are introduced to this sabbat clan and they are all pretty one-dimensional. They are all generally just “crazy murderous vampires” and act as such in episode 1. The most personality they have can be gleaned from their fighting styles (shot beard just pummels everything, ape leaps and tackles at his enemies, Pyotr seems somewhat of a stealthy type, meanwhile Kevin takes a hostage and bends his opponent’s will).

By all means, Ogre Poppenang could’ve just left them like that, but they didn’t.

Shitbeard is a crass biker brute. He also recites many philosophical statements and viewpoints during episode 2, and seems to be jealous that the family have graduated college. He also constantly talks about how much he misses many of the mundane parts of life, such as existing in the sun and eating cream crackers. Additionally, he was turned while donating to charity.

Ape meanwhile is the newest member, not even being Blood Bonded to the others yet. He is also the most excited to be a part of the sabbat. He constantly is trying to say quotes that make him seem cool, help him fit in. He is massively cringeworthy—even in universe—but he is completely earnest. He reminds me of a young kid joining a fandom for a show or game they’re excited about.

Kevin is probably the most talked about member so ima keep it brief: his life was shit. He was raised to lead an ok but mind-numbingly uneventful life. He tried to strike it big, to give his life meaning, and failed horribly, leading him to continue his misery. And just as he’s about to swing his life around, he gets thrust into a world of darkness where he gains status but is enslaved in both body and mind. And once he gets tossed away by his new life, he joins the sabbat, because he feels like it’s the only real choice that would matter for him. That it’s the only one that he can make.

Then Pyotr. While everyone else has something hidden that makes them more endearing, Pyotr is shown to be much more VILE than we have thought. He is a coward who only comes out of hiding when he sees a weak or weakened target, and he is willing to backstab his teammates for any advantage without remorse. And when Kitten points this exact detail out, he gets absolutely PISSED that Kitten thinks he still cares about that (though with how pissed he got, I feel like there was at least some part of him that did regret, and his rant afterwards also serves to reassure himself that he’s a heartless vampire, banishing those feelings of regret and shame to the back of his mind. That’s just my headcanon though). When he diablerizes his teammates, however, he gets more careless. More risk-taking. More reckless. He uses his usual stealth approach less and less, going for more brutality. All of which leads to his death. Also, the reveal that he was a handsome man before his turn, probably turned BECAUSE of it, might factor into how he grew so wicked.

#hunter the parenting #htp #I love how this series can make you feel for characters named stuff like shitbeard

[ecoamerica]

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[spectra-bear]

To all the fma fans here who have been following me for a while now, I'd like to bring a few chapters to light in consideration to the recent tragic palestinian apartheid

FMA has made sure to speak out about these reoccuring events, and whoever hasn't noticed from reading yet needs a critical thinking class.

Let's start with chapter 90:

Chapter 90 of the series, although censored heavily in the anime (but we'll get to that later), played a HUGE role in establishing what kind of message arakawa was building up to deliver to her audience as a plot B (ishvalan genocide) sided with plot A (the search of the philosopher stones, eventually turned plot A (overthrowing the military), a message meant to awaken her readers to the truth, and one that serves as a warning

Does this not all ring familiarity?

One of the reasons arakawa wrote this story was to bring this side of history into light,

the oppression, the abuse of military power, the imbalanace in arms between two parties at "war", the perfect guise of "protecting the people from radicalized terrorists", and using it to justify the murder of countless lives, committing war crime after war crime, massacring the land and lathering it with the spilled blood of countless innocents and people fighting back for their freedom, for their home. Those that die have their lives tragically cut short, too soon.

A total extermination

And to those that remain alive,

Forcefully immigrated from their own homeland

Or exploited for their bodies, harvested for their organs, abused, tortured and humiliated

Not only that, but the emphasis on making the reason behind starting the war in the first place, being the first bullet shot at a young child by a soldier, and intentionally making it seem "trivial" for the ishvalans to retaliate because of that, and painting them as animalistic

Writing off roy mustang and maes hughes as heroes for doing whats best for their country, glorifying their relationship as war buddies, and believing theyre in the right for putting down the people of the holy land, when they couldve backed down from contributing to this one-sided war,

and when they do step back from the field, theyre labelled as cowards. When they inevitably realize the abnormality and inhumanity of their actions, that theyve been solely used as tools and weapons of destruction, that impact is softened with rewards, of medals and cheers of accomplishment from the population-wide brainwashed by lies spread by the people in power, and if theyre lucky, accomodations for the negative mental effects of being part of a war

(arakawa interview source)

What do I conclude from this?

That the author of your favorite manga does not support genocide and in fact, condemns those who partake in it

If it isnt obvious, She included these stories because they have happened before

She is telling these stories, while not 100% protrayed correctly, to fill the empty gaps in the western perspective that have been contaminated with propaganda and demonization of these indigenous people

The designs of ishvalans and cultural clothing are intentionally influenced by japanese ethnic groups, middle eastern and south asian cultures, and the military intentionally european/western looking as an example for their expansion and dominance in mind

And now we are watching all this happen in reality, again, witnessed live, in much worse conditions, throughout history

Where the heroes arent kids who can sway elements at their command with the flick of a hand, but the people who stand against it in mass, marching in the streets to break the suffocating silence, and spread the voices of those seeking help and demanding their freedom back

Does everyone realize how fucked up that is? That the lines drawn between fantasy and reality blur so much that they become indistinguishable from each other? That is true horror, when the monsters and tyrants in your stories no longer stay on ink and paper, but are on your screens broadcasting their crimes, beyond humanity

You must understand that if these stories are included for you, the reader, they are not written just for the plot, but to bring awareness to you, and avoid history from repeating itself, and work against committing the same irredeemable mistakes as before

(thanks to @borkthemork for the help in outlining this and proofreading)

#i am not using the pal3stine tag so i dont drown out any sources published on that tag #and while this story may need to be reworked in some aspects it has already done alot in bringing this message into light #analysis #fma #fullmetal alchemist #bear screams in cave #cw blood #this serves as a reminder to what the is the message nuanced in this manga #cw violence

[sunshine-tattoo]

Okay I've said it before and I'll probably have to say it again:

General Olivier Mira Armstrong is NOT a eugenicist or a facist.

She is a solider who cares deeply about the people of Amestris and would do anything for them.

Is she extremely tough on her team at Fort Briggs?

Yes. 100%. Because she has to be.

Fort Briggs is located in one of the harshest climates in the world, next door to an immensely large and hostile nation, and so remote from the rest of Amestris that it might as well be its own nation.

Any person who is stationed there must be made of the toughest stuff imaginable or else they not only won't survive, they will put their comrades at risk by compromising the Fort.

General Armstrong understands this better than anyone and holds her men to impossible standards to ensure they are ready to handle the worst.

She also is a woman of deep honor and integrity, holding herself to just as high standards and being disgusted that the officers of Central hide in their offices like cowards rather than fight alongside their men.

However. This does not mean she holds ordinary people to this standard because that would be dumb and unnecessary.

When the Mannequin Soldiers attacked Central Command, her first priority was protecting innocent civilians and ensuring that none of the Mannequins got out to hurt them.

When she found out that Amestris was literally created to be a philosopher's stone, she was enraged because this was her home and her people and the ones in charge saw them as expendable.

Is she kinda an asshole? Yep. Absolutely.

But does this make her a bad person? Not in the slightest.

She is a brave warrior and a feminist icon and is people's favorite character for a reason.

#general olivier Armstrong #olivier armstrong #fullmetal alchemist #fma brotherhood #fullmetal alchimist brotherhood

[lagoonalake]

NCT DREAM IDEAL TYPE

MARK

Personality: the sun, 6 of wands, the star

Boss energy. Someone confident and proud, spontaneous, connected to their inner child who would help him let lose a little. Someone a bit loud and cocky. Assertive, who would probably lead the relationship. Someone very visible, could be someone famous. Someone charismatic and funny, the life of the party. Someone who has a lot of energy and vitality. very optimistic and positive, who can see the light in the darkness always. Very generous and giving, could be a humanitarian. Bubbly, comic relief type of energy, a prankster. Very reliable and stable. leo, aquarius, aries, jupiter

Appearance: 2 of wands, king of wands, the hierophant

Someone who looks very strong and healthy, almost unbreakable. Someone regal, with a very shining and bright aura, could have narcissistic tendencies though! XD Muscular or fit, more of a stocky or compact body type. Thighs and calves are well shaped. Squarish face, solid features. Radiant. Warm colors. More of a traditional style or look.  leo, taurus

Turn offs: strength, king of cups, 7 of swords

When the bossy energy gets out of control and the relationship becomes a power play, someone who doesn't take care of their health, someone unkempt, someone who is too restrained, controlled, who lacks spontaneity, someone too secretive, who uses their emotional depth to manipulate others, a coward, someone passive aggressive, a trickster, someone who is two faced.  negative leo, capricorn, scorpio, gemini

RENJUN

Personality: the lovers, the devil, 5 of pentacles

Could be attracted to people who need help. Very sensitive, affectionate people, very passionate. Romantic people who understand that relationship are about sharing, that this is an exchange, who give as much as they receive. He is the kind of guy who wants to merge with his partner, so he attracts people who are like that too, who can be needy, possessive, clingy, but he can be clingy too. There is codependency in his relationships. There is a fear of abandonment coming from him and his partner, so they tend to get strongly attached but afraid to lose the other person, so there can be emotional manipulation as well. But the love is very deep, very strong, sometimes overwhelming. Us against the world type of love. cancer, scorpio, pisces, pluto, libra

Appearance: 3 of wands, 2 of wands, 8 of swords

Someone who looks both tough and vulnerable. He tends to go for people who look like they need help. But he also likes to see that the person is combative, is trying hard to rise above their issues. Someone who could be small in stature, but with a very strong body, muscular. Could prefer someone a bit skinny. Someone who could look a bit nervous, always in movements. Someone who looks like they could handle themselves in a fight, or outdoors, NOT the type who would be scared to break a toenail or mess up their hair and makeup XD A survivor. Short hair. Still who can look a bit fragile, shy, sensitive, youthful. aries, pisces, virgo, capricorn, scorpio

Turn offs: queen of wands, king of cups, knight of pentacles

Divas, people who think they are all that. Show offs. People who had it easy in life, spoiled people. People who use their connections to get ahead in life. People who are too calm, too comfortable, who seem to have everything and are happy about (he tends to be attracted to people who are a bit more complex). People who seem like they don’t need any help. taurus, leo, cancer

JENO

Personality: 5 of swords, the wheel of fortune, the hermit

He is attracted to an independent thinker with strong opinions, who doesn’t let anybody influence them. Someone who learned things on their own. Someone who could be a bit outside of the mold, have an alternative lifestyle, or simply like to spend a lot of time alone to read, educate themselves, focus on their own interests. Someone a bit philosophical. Definitely very cultured with a lot of knowledge. Very opinionated and could enjoy debates, could have a tendency to be contrarian, a bit rebellious. Someone adaptable, resourceful, open minded and who sees life as full of possibilities. Someone who enjoys change and need variety in their life. Someone who enjoys traveling. aquarius, sagittarius, virgo

Appearance: 6 of swords, 4 of swords, 9 of wands

He doesn’t have a specific type. He can be attracted to a lot of different people, and enjoys diversity. But he likes them sexy. Fierce, expressive eyes. And with a bit of a tough, intimidating. Street style. Colorful, warm. Someone who looks intelligent, vivacious, active. aries, gemini, mars, mercury

Turn offs: knight of pentacles, the hermit, 4 of pentacles

People who are very slow, stoic, who follow the same routine everyday, boring people. Although he likes the more closed off misfit type, he also doesn’t like some aspects of it when the person is too close off to the point they don’t want to see him anymore, someone who never allows any intimacy to happen, someone who is stingy, selfish, so focused on their stability they don’t allow for any change to happen, too structured, no spontaneity, people who never let their guard down, who are paranoid. capricorn, taurus, cancer

HAECHAN

Personality: 9 of swords, 10 of wands, justice

He tends to go for people who have a lot on their plate, with a lot of responsibility, worriers who are overworked, anxious, and who are hard on themselves, extremely serious, intelligent, fast-paced, hard-working and disciplined. He wants to lighten up these people and make them happy, because these people are very giving and dedicated, but they can also be the type who don’t get too much credit, who could work behind the scenes. He wants to be the ray of sunshine in their life, help them relax, let loose. He likes people who are humble and supportive, reliable, with a lot of integrity. People who are honest and polite. always ready to help. Secretary vibe.  virgo, capricorn, gemini, saturn

Appearance: 7 of wands, the hanged man, 10 of swords

So if the person looks like they have a lot going on, he’s in. XD He likes someone who looks a bit tired, anxious, he can’t help but gravitate towards those people to comfort them, brighten their mood, make them laugh. Could like blond hair, or light hair color, feminine style, a bit dreamy, sleepy, soft type of beauty. Someone who looks a bit wounded (could even be physically wounded), he has a bit of a savior complex and wants he would want to assist or help in some way.  pisces, neptune, virgo

Turn offs: 10 of swords, 8 of wands, 7 of pentacles

Although he likes the overwhelmed anxious and even a bit depressed type, he admires someone who holds on and keeps going no matter what. But he doesn’t like when a person doesn’t try, when someone is quick to give up, is passive, procrastinate, is lazy, let their emotions overwhelm them to the point they become completely numb, or is easily overwhelmed and makes impulsive decisions, runs away from their responsibilities. Sudden mood swings. negative pisces, sagittarius, uranus, gemini

JAEMIN

Personality: 3 of swords, 7 of cups, knight of wands, knight of pentacles, devil

(I pulled more cards because his reading needed clarification for me to understand)

Jaemin has a lot of options and likes to test them all. On one hand he wants to be with someone who is adventurous, feisty, fun, quick to move on. On the other hand he also wants to be in a relationship with someone who is more committed, and it would require more patience from him, more time to get to know that person. With the first type, he tends to be unsatisfied as it is fun but doesn’t give him that stability that he needs (but that he isn’t ready to offer himself anyway). And with the second type, he is afraid of commitment and runs away, breaking their heart in the process. There tends to be a lack of trust in his relationships, leading to manipulation, jealousy, either from him or his partners (especially the second type more interested in commitment). He needs to reconcile these different aspects of love within himself and find himself someone who can give him both the fun and the stability, and needs to be honest with his partners about what he wants and what he can currently give them. sagittarius, aries, gemini, aquarius/taurus, virgo, capricorn/libra

Appearance: ace of wands, page of cups, 2 of wands

A creative, artistic type. Someone who inspires him. Someone who looks dreamy, innocent, cute, cuddly. He needs to feel the passion and physical chemistry. Someone spontaneous, expressive, with a cute laugh, sunny vibes. But also someone who may be looking a bit shy, kind, more reserved. Could like it if he sees someone taking care of animals or children. Nice shapely legs and calves. Crop tops, abs or a cute tummy. Short hair. Small petite stature, short height. mercury, gemini, cancer, leo, pisces

Turn offs: ace of wands, 3 of cups, the emperor

Bossy people, people who are a bit rude and unfriendly, tactless, people who turn him down and friendzoned him, people who are too independent and see through his bs, people who come off as a bit too masculine, harsh. People who he feels no physical or sexual attraction with.  aquarius, capricorn, aries

CHENLE

Personality: page of coins, the sun, queen of swords

He likes someone who is a ray of sunshine, very positive and kind, relaxed, with a fresh, innocent aura. Someone popular and loved by all, warm, friendly, compassionate, helpful. Yet when it comes to him, they can be a bit cold and closed off. For some reason, he could come off as untrustworthy to this person, or maybe this is the kind of person who has prejudices when it comes to him, or has heard rumors about him and doesn’t want to let him in. Maybe they are close to someone he has a beef with. Or maybe they are both from very different environments that don’t mesh well. I feel like this could be a specific person I’m picking up on. It could also be that he can come off as a bit of a bad boy, or a bad influence, or maybe he doesn’t know how to express his interest and comes accross as rude or disrespectful to that person. Good girl/bad boy type of dynamic libra, leo, pisces, virgo, aquarius

Appearance: 3 of cups, 4 of swords, the fool

This is probably the same person as above, a specific energy he is very interested in right now. Clean, friendly appearance. Kind, innocent face, long hair, slim shapely compact body type, petite frame, popular, has a lot of friends and is very well liked by colleagues but also the public, smiley, looks relaxed, charming, spontaneous, authentic, expressive. Very likable, disarming charm. Could be a good dancer. Most likely an idol. Radiant, warm skin and aura. Cute and sexy.  pisces, virgo, libra, aquarius

Turn offs: 2 of wands, the fool, 8 of swords

Delusional people, people who are too easy to charm (he clearly likes the chase), people who are immature, naive, weak, cowardly, whiny people who don’t have their own opinions, wall flowers. People who are mean, unlikable, rude, always negative, selfish. People who are weird or unwilling to fit in, awkward, always killing the mood, different just to provoke others. negative cancer, scorpio, saturn, neptune, aquarius

JISUNG

Personality: judgement, 2 of cups, knight of swords

Someone who would make a big impression on him, a soulmate, karmic type of connection. Someone who would sweep him off his feet. A passionate, tumultuous, immediate connection. Someone who is a bit aggressive, impulsive, moves quickly, would express his feelings towards him or wouldn’t even be able to hide them as their emotions run so high. Someone who would understand him deeply, that he could share his deepest secrets with. He wants to start over with someone who would be 100% invested in the connection. Transformative, healing, intimate connection. Someone opinionated, witty, intelligent, quick to react, who can be blunt with words. Someone brave and dedicated to their path, with a strong sense of purpose. aries, gemini, scorpio, saggitarius, pluto, mars

Appearance: the world, 4 of swords, strength

He doesn’t care about looks, just that this person is strong and honest. That he can connect with them on all levels. He likes people from all over the world, and is not too attached to beauty standards. 

Turn offs: 6 of swords, high priestess, 8 of wands

People who are quick to move on, a bit shallow, who don’t have long lasting emotions, people who are nosy and want to know everything about him but don’t share anything about them, overly secretive people, impulsivity, mood swings, people who change their minds all the time. People who can’t sit still. Unreliable, unstable people. Vague, overly “mystical” people. The type of spiritual people who have their head in the clouds, speak about “angels” and “auras” and things that for him are not real and a bit weird. XD negative scorpio, gemini, aquarius, sagittarius, neptune

#nct dream #nct dream tarot #nct dream ideal type #mark lee #haechan #jaemin #jeno #chenle #renjun #jisung #kpop #kpop tarot #kpop ideal type

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

train

Bucky Barnes x Reader

a/n: a little angsty.

Summary: On the day of your engagement party to another man, Bucky takes a ride on the train.

“Wherever you stray, I follow.”

The train rolls forward, a smooth ride to ease Bucky’s aching. Yes, his body is sore and tired, but his mind is a complete wreck. His eyes lull out the window, watching trees moving backwards. The Styrofoam coffee cup in his hand is now lukewarm, but he still drinks out of it. His movement is robotic, hand moving up to his lips; he takes a sip then brings it down. Bucky does this several times as the train moves on, until the cup is empty and then he just sits there. The usual stop is only two stations away and he doesn’t know if he wants to get off.

Maybe he can just stay on, ride it out, see where the train ends up. The thought is so comforting, he decides that is exactly what he will do. Satisfied, Bucky gets up from his seat and goes to the dining cabin to fetch more coffee. The people in their seats he tries desperately to not make eye contact with; if he does, he knows he’ll just attempt to find you in them. Your eyes, soft and puzzling at times, your smile, sweet, but condescending at times – everything that he finds perfect in you, he is always looking for in others.

Bucky gets to the dining cabin and fills his cup to the brim, black coffee, and nothing else. The bitterness tingles his tongue as he takes a sip and debates on ordering a sandwich. He does, a BLT and he takes a seat and watches the scenery. It’s beautiful for a Sunday and he thinks of you, as if it’s the first time of the day. It’s not though, but he likes to kid himself. Anything to not think of what today is, what it means for you, him, everything.

It’s your engagement party; the invite in pieces on his desk at home. The plan was to attend, he was going to be there for you even if it made him sick. Yet, this morning, he found himself on a train. The train the two of you have taken so many times; just for fun, to get away from the city. His sandwich is ready, and he gets up from the window stool and thanks the woman behind the counter. She is beautiful, her smile is warm, but he just takes the sandwiches and goes back to his seat – two cabins away. The announcement for the next stop rings in the air as he takes his seat, settling just as the train slows its speed.

“It’s never too late.”

“Sam, stop, man. She’s happy.”

Sam shrugs and gently pats Bucky on his back. “It’s never too late until it’s too late.”

“When did you become so philosophical?”

They share a laugh, but Bucky’s fades when his eyes catch yours; you smile at him from across the room, newly fiancé’s arm around your waist. He hates him, but he grins nonetheless; if you are happy, he is happy.

Bucky feels like a coward, never being able to act on his feelings. To express what holds in his heart and now, he just sulks in corners of the world. He finally realizes that loving you from afar is all he gets for his nonexistent effort.

“Serves you right,” he mutters to himself as someone plops down on the seat next to him. He groans internally, because since he got on the train, no one has dared to seat in his section. He supposes his hard broach facial expression doesn’t have the same effect on everyone alike. He eyes the person next to him and his heart drops.

“I barely got on, I’m completely out of breath,” you huff, head dipping into the seat. Bucky watches as you fan yourself with the train ticket in your hand. He watches as a bead of sweat falls down your forehead and then when you finally look at him, he curses at you.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too,” you laugh, taking a deep breath. “Got any water?”

“No.”

Bucky scowls, eyes taking in the outfit on your body; it is a cream color dress, long and flowy. Almost a wedding dress, but not nearly fancy enough. The sleeves were long, puffy and to your wrist – he immediately thinks of how ethereal it all looks on you.

Like a modern damsel in distress.

But distress isn’t written on your face.

“It’s fine, I can breathe again,” you smile at Bucky, head turning to him. “Hi.”

He smiles, cannot help it. “Hi.”

“I think we should ride to the end; we’ve never ridden to the end.”

He’s dreaming, he is certain but the way you smile at him; Bucky does not care. Instead, he offers the sandwich in his hand, and you gladly take it, proclaiming how hungry you are. “I didn’t get a chance to eat today.”

“The engagement party…”

You nod. “Couldn’t go through with it. I thought it was what I wanted…that he was what I wanted but that’s not fair.”

Bucky’s eyes watch yours carefully as you devour the sandwich. “What’s not fair?”

Crumbling the plastic wrap the sandwich came in, you swallow the rest and breath out. Your body turns to face Bucky and you reach for the hand not accompanied by cup of coffee. You hold his hand gingerly and shrug. “It wouldn’t be fair to marry him when all I want is you, Bucky. All these years, I wished something would happen between us and it never did. Then I met Ethan, and he was great, but he wasn’t you. Then Sam called me this morning and aren’t we just fools?”

Bucky wants to be angry at his friend for ruining your day, but he can’t. He’s elated that you are holding his hand, saying the things he’s been dying to hear all these years. “What about Ethan?”

You sigh. “This will pass for him; he deserves to be with someone that loves him and only him.”

It feels good, it feels like a clean break and any guilt that was starting to form, disappears. Bucky is free to take you in his arms and he does, hand slipping up around your neck steadying you as he crashes his lips against yours. It’s the first kiss the two of you have ever had and the wait is worth it. His lips dance around yours and your hand presses into his chest, then the train comes to the next stop and the two of you pull away. He laughs, then you laugh. Foreheads press against each other; you ask if he wants to ride the rest of the way or get off at the usual station.

Bucky’s eyes soften and he touches the side of your face with the loving hand of a man in heaven. “Let’s see what’s at the end….”

Nodding, you lean in for a kiss. “…to the very end.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #marvel

[angermonkey]

The Gävlebocken has been dismantled for the year (cowards) but I leave you with this philosophical gem from the live stream's comment section:

Happy 2024, everybody! Watch out for birds.

#Gävle goat #Gävlebocken #Burn it you cowards #Sweden #you're so delightfully weird never change.

[cimerran-714]

I figured that it would be helpful to call out ten of the most common pro-choice arguments that you might notice online. I'll preface it by saying that I am not a philosopher (or at least not yet), but I am a person with common sense, and you can see through these "arguments" if you have two brain-cells left.

Also, I understand that there are good PC arguments out there (although they are of course not successful, for a strong argument doesn't necessarily have to succeed). I am only arguing some of the most insane and ridiculous ones you'd spot.

If you want to go through some really good claims made by pro-choice/pro-abortion advocates, I'd recommend David Boonin's 'A Defense of Abortion'. It'd help you instead of you having to regurgitate whatever you are spoon-fed by the leftist cult. Go check out that book even if you're pro-life, because it's a great one.

Let's get started, shall we?

A human embryo/fetus is not human:

Yes, it's both human and alive. Biologists agree with this (including pro-choice biologists), and even pro-choice philosophers acknowledge this. This is basic empirical reality. And you only have to open an embryology textbook to know how wrong you are. Also, these people can never explain what species the fetus belongs to if not "Homo Sapiens".

2. It's just a "clump of cells".

All of us are made up of cells. Some are "clumpier" than others. And plus, it's not merely a clump of cells: the embryo is a human organism in its earlier stages of development, and very soon is also differentiated as it grows. That's like saying that it's okay to destroy a car because it's just "a bunch of metal thrown together".

3. It's not a person/sentient, yadda yadda:

Irrelevant and it's the same logic that slave-owners used to own people. Human rights is species-based, and the embryo/fetus is human. That's all that matters. These people love to make up ridiculous, arbitrary criteria to justify their bigotry.

4. You cannot force people to donate their organs...

Not the same thing at all. You cannot be forced to save people, but that doesn't mean you can actively kill them. This is the difference between killing someone and letting them die. There is a significant moral difference between deliberately pushing someone off a cliff and not saving someone who's hanging off a branch at a cliff. Abortion is the former.

5. Women would die...

All states have life-threat exceptions built into it, so this is just deflection. And yes, there are doctors who refuse to perform entirely legal abortions, but that is their fault. It IS legal. They're just cowards, and you can't blame the law for this because they already make this exception.

6. You cannot force your views onto others:

If you support democracy (and, you know, voting) you're forcing your views onto others. That's how law works.

7. The child would grow up in poverty, yadda yadda yadda...:

We don't kill born children because of these reasons, so it's a ridiculous claim. You don't solve poverty by killing the poor.

8. They are just pro-birth:

Statistics show that Republicans donate more to charity than Democrats. Also, just because they don't agree with your method of helping people doesn't mean that they don't care about born people. You see, it's like saying "A fire-fighter rescued someone from a fire, but they don't want to pay out of their pockets to look after them throughout their lives. They don't actually care!"

9. Showing pics of fetuses belonging to other species as a gotcha:

Yes, mammals of different species look the same in their earlier stages, but that doesn't mean there isn't a difference between them. This is, once again, bigoted slaver logic (to want to kill people based on their looks).

10. Men cannot have a say because:

As men are directly affected by this, they absolutely have a say. They are fathers too, and remember that they're the ones who have to pay child support.

There you go. I am not expecting you to be pro-life yet if you are not, but I hope that I have cleared your head up somewhat.

#pro life #anti abortion #abortion #reproductive rights #pro choice #abortion is healthcare #abortion rights #bodily autonomy #roe v wade #leftist #us politics #american politics #conservatism #liberalism #usa news #united states #conservatives #fuck maga #donald trump #liberal hypocrisy

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

can we have more aspd izaya posts please please please please please please please please pl [ i am taken by the fog ]

*grabs u by the leg and pulls u out of the fog* yes of course u can my fine fellow :)

so!! i was talking to a friend about izaya having aspd and whether or not it was an intentional coding on narita's part or if it was a completely unintentional yet still valid way to view the character. honestly, evidence exists for both ways- the emphasis put on izaya's impulse control issues ans disconnect from the rest of humanity, as an example that comes to mind. but there could also be a case that narita didn't mean to invoke a deliberate coding of aspd while placing emphasis on these aspects of him

theres also the whole "two brain scans" thing. was this plot point narita trying to say that he didn't intend for izaya to have any mental illness whatsoever? but then again, brain scans are not exactly the most reliable source of diagnosing mental illness- if it was, we'd just use that. there are studies about aspd and brain differences regarding it, but i have no way of knowing if narita... read them. i don't know the man and i have no idea what studies are available in japanese, since i read mine solely in english.

there's also the study that throws a wrench in brain scan studies as a whole- specifically fMRI studies. it was one of those classic "subject put in brain scan and asked to identify what emotion a person in a photo is showing" except the subject was, ironically since this is a post on izaya..... a dead fish. so did narita see THIS? the study IS from 2009, but to comfirn if its even possible, i'd have to cross-reference the book the two brain scans thing shows up in with the date the study was published, and EVEN THEN the answer is still a big ole "i dunno!"

although, thru all this, i think i settled on an idea of what Might have happened. keyword MIGHT, it's not like i can go ask narita himself. well i mean i guess maybe if i tried really hard.... but i am not going to do that. it sounds scary and frankly i am a weenie, and i don't speak japanese

so, durarara.... is a story largely about the underbelly of society. ergo, there are a lot of tropes present in other works about these kinds of people, but they're subverted here. like, for instance, shizuo- he's the "dumb muscle" trope; an angry fighter who lives for the thrill of violence and that's why he's involved in the underground. except, shizuo hates violence, has tried to hold down regular jobs and is only in the underground out of desperation, and is very perceptive and philosophical. he's a subversion of the dumb muscle trope.

i think izaya was meant to be a subversion of the sociopath as a trope... and imo, you kind of can't really subvert that trope well without giving your character aspd.

"the sociopath" as a trope refers to a character with, essentially, zero humanity. they love nobody, care about nothing but their own gain and destruction, are sadistic for sadism's sake... et cetera.

taking a character and going "they ACT like a sociopath, but they're NOT one!!" is a common subversion of the trope... but it's not really a subversion, is it? it's a bait-and-switch. if a character seems like X but is not X, they are not X. the trope of X does not apply.

imo, for a subversion to really be... y'know... subversive, the character must still possess the original traits of The Sociopath, but they're twisted around and expanded upon

The Sociopath can't love? izaya loves all of humanity... though it doesn't stop him from disregarding their rights and autonomy, ergo still hitting ASPD criteria and still being a sociopath

The Sociopath can't care about anything but their own personal gain? izaya clearly cares about and loves his sisters, but it doesn't negate everything else he's done, or the other times where he has put his own personal gain first

The Sociopath can't feel or express emotion? izaya is demonstrated to be a coward and to have genuine phobias- thanatophobia, the fear of death, IS an anxiety disorder, as are all phobias. shinra describes him as fragile-hearted, and this description is accurate. but, izaya puts on a facade for the rest of the world- ergo, he can't express emotion (at least, not in the way someone without aspd could- it's... hard and scary to Drop The Act; vulnerability is scary and removes the subject's control of a situation, so it stands to reason that it would be difficult for us to do)

The Sociopath is a sadist for sadism's sake? izaya actually has weight behind what he says and does- sure, some of it IS for entertainment, but why he chooses specifically this as entertainment (namely, suicide) has enough bits of info for us as readers to extrapolate. the text doesn't make it explicit, but durarara is a series where paying close attention to minute details is expected and rewarded, so this is par for the course, honestly. and a lot of the things he does, although they result in hurt for the rest of the cast, isn't izaya being a sadist Just Because- at the end of the day he's a scared, lonely man, trying very hard to avoid the thing he's most afraid of in life- the cessation of it.

that's not to say that anything he does is OKAY, obviously, but there's weight and nuance behind it. izaya is treated as a whole human being, just like everyone else. but a lot of core aspects of his character parallel the sociopath trope so cleanly that it's hard for me to believe that it was completely unintentional. was he meant to have specifically aspd, the disorder? i'm not sure. probably not? but "the sociopath, as a trope, but fleshed out and given humanity" is kind of... what aspd.... is. as a disorder. which is why i think you can't truly subvert the trope without giving your character it, inadvertently or not.

anyway yeah this was A Bit different, although i prefer to do watsonian anaylsis i absolutely can do doylist too. i might do more stuff like this if yall like this one idk

#durarara #orihara izaya #izaya orihara #wasks #yaayyyy new meta <3 #i hope u guys like itttttt <3 #please dont be weird about aspd <3 on my hands and crippled knees <3

[iridiumzer0]

Diogenes: AND NOOOW. THE ULTIMATE COMPETITION BETWEEN 2 GREAT PHILOSOPHERS AND THE EPIC OF THE ILIAD. Today, we will be discussing the relationship of Achilles and Patroclus.

Diogenes: SO NOW.

Diogenes: Are you on team AESCHYLUS?

Aeschylus: Achilles was clearly the top!

Diogenes: Or are you on TEAM PLATO?

Plato: Achilles was a bottom, you COWARD.

Diogenes: OORR are you on team ME.

Diogenes: They were switches.

Diogenes: VOTE NOW

#greek mythology #incorrect greek mythology #achilles #incorrect iliad #patroclus #the iliad #philosophy #philosopher memes #diogenes #plato #aeschylus #homer's iliad #iliad meme #patrochilles #achilles and patroclus

[gopher-jade]

What endlessly frustrates me about the writing in the moon arc is that it is so focused on technobabble and philosophical arguments that it completely neglects what even made honkai such a good story in the first place - the masterful portrayal of the characters' emotions, struggles and growth.

We love Kiana because we saw and heard how she was a bratty kid, and then became depressed, and then slowly climbed out of that hellhole. Props to the translaters, the scriptwriters, the voice actors, the staff behind the CGs. Mei's arc was heart-rending also because we saw how crushed she was by Kiana's struggles. Seele in CG slamming her fist on the ground and crying to herself, "Move, you coward!" will always haunt me. Veliona seeming like a psychopath and being pit against Saule and then eventually reconciling was the best thing ever, because the team really did such a good job of making it really seem like Veliona might harm Seele, and then later of conveying just how much Veliona actually loved her.

What do we get of that kind of character-building in this arc? Basically nothing. The characters are so busy talking about the technicalities of Project Stigma that we don't really know how they feel about the whole thing apart from (stock action movie hero voice) "that is so despicable and we will stop you!"

Senti is thankfully an exception, because she doesn't bother engaging with conversation unless it directly affects her. And she's got the right idea!

imo, when it comes to storytelling, the worldbuilding only needs to be as coherent as is necessary for the emotional stakes to make sense. The writers have spent so much time trying to explain the tech to us that they completely forgot about establishing the emotional stakes. Anyone who's stuck around with Honkai this long knows that the worldbuilding doesn't really make sense. Things gets retconned all the time. Anything that doesn't make sense gets blamed on Fenghuang Down. The writers really don't need to spend so much time convincing us that the worldbuilding make sense. We already know, it doesn't, and we loved you anyway. Why did you stop doing what you were good at?

Another thing that takes time away from actually establishing the emotional stakes is the philosophising. Okay, so most of the world is going to die and be reborn as a new entity that isn't really them. But the characters we love are mostly spared from that fate, so why should we care? I know this might make me sound heartless, but I only care about these fictional nameless people because the characters I love care about them. These nameless masses are fictional. I don't care. I can't even tell if the protags even care about these masses outside of an abstract "killing people bad" ideology. I don't know if it's because I haven't cleared the chapter yet (the writing is just that boring; the trio just met Kevin). But after hours of gameplay, the trio have never displayed any emotion outside of mere disapproval. The kind I might have when I go "wow that person has such a shit take on things, but I'll just live and let live". What are they even fighting for?

Granted, I do think the philosophical arguments are interesting and I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any in Honkai at all. But I can only enjoy it to a certain point, and it's not even done well here. We don't get to see any of the protagonists actually engaging with the philosophical argument. From what I can tell, it's just "Project Stigma is the only way some semblance of humanity can live past Finality" "Okay but CE isn't as driven into the corner as PE, can you let us try our things first before you effectively kill all of us?"

That's not a conversation. There's literally no emotional grappling with the fear that maybe, maybe Kevin is right and they will really fail, and that if they miss this chance then all of humanity really will be doomed.

Not to mention that we already covered this philosophical argument with the Kolosten arc. "Do a small group of elite, powerful people have the right to decide the fates of the masses, even when they've arguably already made it a good deal for them?" The answer is no, not when the timeline and form in which they existed would no longer exist, and when they didn't even consent to it. We got it! We had to go through that long arc to reach the moon arc! We got it! Can we move on to the character arcs now?

#honkai impact #honkai impact 3rd #rant #moon arc #theres literally!!! no emotional connection in this damned arc at all! #the VAs are doing their best but theyve got nothing to work with! #mimin talks

[soleilnomoon]

Hi again! Still absolutely adore your Kid fic from your last event 💜 Never got around to asking for a Sanji one, so here I am again😅 But seriously, congrats on over 550 followers!! Love seeing your blog grow, cause you’re really talented and deserve them all and legit can’t wait til you hit 1k+ 🥰

For the event order, may I please ask for a #1 with my boi Sanji, with anmitsu, konpeito, and keylime pie and with honey, please? 🥹 i hate this but need some sanji angst 😭

I also dunno if these three would work particularly well together for a prompt, so you can choose whatever! just really feeling angst and sanji rn and maybe comfort if you’d like 🥰

Thank you for all your works you’ve done so far 💜💜

hiiii omg haha i loved that fic fr (i'm obsessed w that man!!!) also ily for requesting sanji i don't write him nearly enough 🥰️ but thank you sm!! 😭 making me all soft and i am so so sorry this took forever, as u know i am so slow but!!! i had fun tormenting sanji w the angst ngl 💓💓💓💓 also those were great choices for the prompt, i wanted to write more but it would've been 8k words before i finished and who has time for that (i do, but listen... that's besides the point) ✨

2k words, fem reader (honestly gn too now that i think abt it), sfw (SHOCKING i know), 18+ mdni, a lil bit suggestive but nothing wild, angst angst angst city babey, fluff if you squint, also i gave u comfort bc u deserve it bb 💗(and sanji does too); feat. sanji being in denial forever and ever, mutual pining, fake unrequited love, reader is determined and sanji is a coward; also i made myself sad writing this but a good sad bc sanji deserves happiness and i'll fight oda if he doesn't get it i s2g... (if u see grammar mistakes/spelling errors... no u didn't 💗)

“loving each other began this way: threading / loneliness into loneliness / patiently, our hands trembling and precise.” — yehuda amichai

STEP 01:

what does it take to kill a soul? —

a question that’s posed unironically, without a hint of remorse or tact, the words precise and venomous, slicing through the thick veneer that he’s carefully crafted. he’s never been able to answer that question — not at six years old, not twelve or fifteen, and not at twenty-one. his siblings took pleasure in taunting him with seemingly philosophical questions, ones that clamped down onto his thoughts with heavy shackles.

even after he’s extracted himself from that life, he can’t scrub those memories from his mind — no matter how hard he tries. they sit, still raw and bloody, giving rise to unpleasant emotions that make his stomach churn from so many things left unsaid. he never set out to be a pirate, but piracy has given him the sort of freedom that he could only wish for as a child.

it’s with tender hands, with nimble yet graceful fingers, and with a fastidiousness that puts him in a category of his own, that he creates and creates and creates —

he’s told he’s an artist, which only pushes him to work harder, to be better. and when he asks himself why, he doesn’t have an answer. or, rather, the answer he does have only serves as a punishing reminder that he’ll never be good enough. no matter how many times his crew mates thank him — their emphatic, genuine praise a soft, warm breeze against his heart, gentle caresses that he commits to memory — despair still manages to infiltrate, a darkness choking out what little light he has left inside of him.

STEP 02:

how far are you willing to go to reach the truth? —

when you join the crew, he’s unnerved by your presence, which is wholly unlike him. usually, he’s able to put on his façade of the flirtatious cook, one that’s jovial and sociable, that lives to serve and please those around him. his first conversation with you ends in disaster; he spills the drink he tried to pour for you, despite your insistence that you are perfectly capable of pouring your own drink — and he knows it’s not out of malice, but it cuts into him all the same.

he tries again and again, bringing you little treats that you only agree to eating if he sits and eats with you; confusion eats away at his mind, and when he opens his mouth to decline, you pat the seat next to you and he acquiesces. he sits stiffly, at first, unsure of why he always feels on edge around you — an irritating need to impress you in a way he’s never wanted to for others grows stronger by the day.

you think it’s cute that he always seems flustered around you — that he stumbles over his words, refuses to hold eye contact with you for longer than thirty seconds — you also think it’s cute that the false bravado that he puts on for the world, diminishes immediately the second you come close to him. if he’s skittish, it’s because you always catch him staring at you; despite his quick reflexes, his reactions around you are slow but pure — childish, almost.

lately he’s clumsier and scatterbrained, nearly burning dinner when you decide to keep him company. you lean against the countertop, a teasing smile on your face — the same one that that caused him to bump his forehead against the cabinet door earlier — as you prattle on about a dream you had. he can barely keep up, his eyes drifting from the skillet to your face, gliding around the curve of your cheek, dipping lower in a slow descent along your neck.

he blinks repeatedly when he reaches your clavicle, stunned at his restraint; and it’s only when you call his name loudly that he realizes he’s left the heat on for too long.

“are you okay?” you ask when you see that he’s fussing over how best to save the dish, mouth moving as he quietly mutters to himself. he barely registers your voice, as an insidious one whispers harshly into his ears about his perpetual incompetence and lack of talent.

you can see that he’s retreated even further into his mind, a feat that also leaves you frustrated. you want to shake him but refrain and grab his hand instead. he snaps out of whatever stupor that held him captive just moments ago, lips parting as he sighs softly before glancing down at you.

“thank you.”

the words are quiet, but impactful, as he didn’t think he’d be able to get them out. you let go of his hand too soon, but he doesn’t say anything else, choosing to focus on cooking than embarrassing himself again in front of you.

you take his silence as a silent dismissal, but you don’t fight him on it — it’s bitter, that sort of rejection, and you swallow back your argument with great difficulty.

STEP 03:

what’s the difference between cowardice and self-preservation? —

frustration bubbles underneath his skin when he can’t find where he placed his lighter; he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on impulse, accidentally ripping a few strands from his scalp. they swirl and tumble onto the ground, pathetic in a way — just like me, but he never really says that out loud. he doesn’t hear your footsteps, although you did your best to remain as quiet as possible.

a cigarette sits in between his lips, and he has half a mind to toss it over the railing of the ship, but a warmth suddenly appears in front of him in the form of a flame. you found his lighter on the floor earlier and meant to give it to him, but every time you got closer, he found every excuse to leave. you don’t realize the impact you have on him — not really, anyway — because he’s genuinely surprised that you can’t hear the heavy beats of his heart that grow more intolerable the longer he hangs around you.

always afraid of being found out, he opts to keep his distance. it’s easier this way, he tells himself, better. but he doesn’t quite believe that; the evidence is plain as day when his tongue feels like its grown three sizes in the span of seconds, where his words get lost and forgotten. it’s all your fault, he reasons; you who insists on talking candidly with him, who insists on listening to him ramble about his dreams, who absolutely insists on stubbornly tearing down his walls, steadily chipping away without a care in the world. he looks at you as if you are the source of all his problems, but he also looks at you as if you’re the solution.

the intensity behind his stare makes your hands tremble slightly, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep yourself composed for this long. you light the end of his cigarette with ease, as if you’ve done this for him hundreds of times —and place the lighter into his pants pocket afterwards. if he wasn’t so used to you getting in his personal space all the time, he’d retreat immediately. the proximity is almost too much for him, but he doesn’t step back; you take that as a good sign and keep him company for a few minutes.

you don’t care for the smell of smoke, but on him it smells good. you almost tell him that, but instead bite down on your lip and keep your comment at bay, nerves getting the best of you as you nearly choke on the possibility that your feelings won’t be reciprocated.

another time, maybe. cheeks flushed, you turn your face to look elsewhere. although, you wonder if there ever will be another time. with him, you never know.

he’s still trying to figure you out and why he feels a different sort of calm around you; it’s alarming and new, drumming up an irrational fear within him. he doesn’t think he’s deserving of your attention or affection, and he’s convinced himself that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. and why would you?

one by one, his thoughts pummel into him, acerbic and overwhelming. he exhales a sliver of smoke and puts the cigarette out. he gives you a quick, apologetic look before telling you goodnight, the smile on his face is melancholic and barely existent. you don’t dare say a word, keep your lips pressed together stubbornly; exasperated and dejected, you don’t know what’s worse — his inability to lower his guard around you for longer than ten minutes, or your inability to stop yourself from trying to carve pieces of yourself to give to him.

maybe if you helped him fill the gaping holes in his heart, he’d truly understand how you feel.

STEP 04:

if you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently? —

sleep evades you after that night, and the night after that, and so forth; it gets so bad that you’re yawning in the middle of the day, falling asleep before you can have a cup of coffee or tea. this does not go unnoticed by the others, and after talking with nami, you feel less out of your element and finally can see the parts of sanji that he wants to keep hidden. her advice is simple: approach slowly and with intent; corner him and don’t let him escape.

you bide your time, full confident that you can find a moment to sit down with him and talk this all out. it doesn’t come easy, but franky mysteriously swaps sanji for the night’s watch — something that should strike you as odd, but it’s a small opening that you take without thinking as you hurriedly climb up to the crow’s nest with a renewed sort of energy.

even with his eyes closed, as he sits lazily on the bench with head tilted back against the wall, he knows it’s you.

“go back to bed,” he says firmly, refusing to look at you.

your stubbornness, unfortunately, wins out. “i’m staying.” at that he sits up, his attention completely on you as his eyes widen at your words. he wants to ask you why, but cowardice wins out — again. as his features soften, a flush crawls along his face, lightly painting his cheeks pink. he closes his eyes again, tries to steady his breathing as he counts backwards, only for his efforts to be obliterated with ease the moment you sit next to him.

as your thigh presses against his, you take his hand and on impulse you trace your fingertip along the lines on his palm. he watches you with a morbid fascination that scares him; but then you start to say things like, “you will live a very long life,” and “you are courageous, and you have a big heart.”

a small part of him wants to pull his hand away, so you won’t say anything else — but he remains put, so still that you almost think he’s stopped breathing. your voice is sweet and disarming, even when you carry on this charade of reading his palm. a belated realization hits him forcefully, making him blink several times; it dawns on him that you’ve always been so kind and gentle with him, even when you teased him. he’s spent all this time overthinking and hiding behind his past, that it never occurred to him that he could have simply let you in. you’ve never given him reason to believe that you’d betray or harm him intentionally.

he takes a deep breath, voice a little uneven, “i—”

you lean in close, adoration dripping onto your words as you interrupt him. “hey, have i told you?” the question glides along his skin, the words seeping into him as you continue, the lilt in your voice a honeyed, melodic spell. “you remind me of starlight and the mysteries of space.” your lips brush against his when you tell him that, and a warmth settles into the middle of his chest, makes it hard to focus. he doesn’t think when he curls his fingers around yours and doesn’t think when heleans down to kiss you — tender yet electrifying all the same.

the move disarms you in a way that doesn’t quite make sense to you, so you simply hum in approval and lean your head against his shoulder. a comfortable silence settles around you both, but you don’t mind that at all; it’s nice, not having to tip-toe around him anymore, and the demons that plagued him for so long don’t seem so intimidating with you by his side.

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