#anyway. idle thoughts. manageable crying. etc. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

casually-inlove · 5 years

Note

I'm a bit curious about the change in He Tian's attitude towards Mo in some earlier 2016 moments. He looked like he was playing around with Mo and even taunt him then, but the kiss came out of nowhere, and he is now having a crush on the boy. What do you think that makes him interested in Mo in the first place, and at which point did he start taking their friendship seriously, and started loving Mo?

Hey there, anon!

That’s a fabulous question actually. At some point, I also wondered what it was that made He Tian interested in Momo to begin with, or when this transition actually happened, and I was addling my head a lot over it, lol. I can only speculate here, but nonetheless here goes.

First of all, let’s take a look at how OX initially presented He Tian. We saw a wealthy, privileged and somewhat snobbish boy, who enjoyed top grades and enduring popularity among other students. Hell, even the teachers were fond of him, while girls flocked around He Tian every break. Whatever he said or mentioned was being met with giggles and bashful sighs. You get the picture.

Unfortunately, it’s all but a pretty wrapping. In reality, none of those people knows who He Tian really is. We as readers know that in fact, He Tian suffers from profound loneliness. We know that despite all that money, he barely has any noteworthy personal possessions. That he still experiences the aftershocks of childhood traumas. That his relationships with his family are deeply fractured. People who surround He Tian on a daily basis could be described as sycophants. Their adoration towards him is pretty shallow. They are so crazy about him why exactly? Because he’s handsome, rich, popular, etc. Not saying that it’s a bad reason to like someone, but it’s not particularly meaningful either.

Anyway, this leads me to my main point. He Tian is used to that sort of shallow attention and plays along with it for his own reasons. He’s used to people nearly applauding him for whatever he does. He’s used to people wanting to be near him. If we think back to his childhood, we’ll see that instead of a mother he had been (apparently) surrounded by maids (?), who were hired to care for him (and that’s apparently why he’s so bad at house chores, haha).

Case and point: he’s used to being in the center of attention and having people bend over to his whims.

And then… cue Mo Guan Shan, who gives zero fucks about He Tian. Who gives zero fucks about his popularity or his money, who has the balls to tell him to bugger off in the rudest ways possible. Momo doesn’t dance to his tune, and that’s something new to He Tian, something he hadn’t experienced before.

So… Momo comes off as belligerent, dirty-mouthed school bully who is contemptuous towards those rich and powerful (he has reasons for that, but still Momo’s view is tinted through his own childhood experiences). There’s raw honesty in Mo Guan Shan and that initially fascinates He Tian. Let’s admit it: He Tian comes off as being bored or somewhat indifferent towards life. The fact that there’s one person who doesn’t bow and kowtow before him is refreshing. That’s probably one of the reasons why He Tian hires Mo to cook and clean for him in the first place. He’s bored and Mo is the cure to his boredom. A cure that runs his mouth, threatens to knock his teeth out and outright calls him fake and dangerous, haha.

If I were to give a Tvtrope to this one, it would be “I love you because I can’t control you”. He Tian cannot approach MGS normally, like how he would have approached anyone else. Friendly attitude doesn’t work with him. Momo truly reminds me of a stray dog that is used to people treating it so badly that it would bite the hand that tried to pet it. There’s also a matter of MGS being very prideful. That raw honesty of his doesn’t fade away even when He Tian gives him beatings or pays him to do house chores. Sure, he takes the money but he never sugarcoats his attitude, never hides his distaste for He Tian and people like him. He makes it clear that he HATES every second of being near HT or in his apartment, yet he manages to put it aside when needed.

Anyway, I digress. I believe that fascination on He Tian’s part had been rather instantaneous. It may have very well happened during the fight between XiXi and MGS. Momo has shown that he didn’t follow any rules, and literally had a savagely pragmatic side to him (when he used a stone to hit XiXi). That was probably the moment when HT’s curiosity was aroused. He’s not used to seeing people like that.

The kiss scene is also very telling. From the easiness with which He Tian invades personal bubbles of the others, we can surmise that he thinks it’s no big deal, and if it’s no big deal to him, he literally thinks it’s the same way for everyone else. As I mentioned before, he’s used to people being willing to “give in” to him, hence he seems to have a mindset that he can take whatever he wants (like a spoiled brat, haha) and that nobody ever would mind — precisely because they are willing to begin with. This fails with MGS. Not only he reacts violently, he begins crying. That’s absolutely not the kind of reaction He Tian was expecting; you can blatantly see it written all over his face. He even asks Momo if he finds HT disgusting.

I believe that’s when He Tian actually felt a pang of guilt for his doings. The way Mo Guan Shan reacted is extremely human and understandable. Someone he DESPISED came up and forcefully pushed their tongue into his mouth, forced him into a kiss that is by all means just another taunt or a joke, not to mention that by the looks of it, it was his first kiss — something that in many cultures is considered to be nearly sacred. And He Tian probably for the first time in his life experienced a rejection. He wanted someone who didn’t want him, and there’s nothing his cool reputation or money could do about it. He also realized that he disgusted somebody — also something new to him. The novelty of it all, the unexpected guilt — these are the new feelings in his otherwise stale daily life. Mo Guan Shan made him experience something dramatically different.

Another point is that there are rather obvious parallels drawn between Momo and that puppy He Tian used to care for. He saved that puppy from a violent mountain torrent and nursed it back to health, just like he saved Mo from She Li and the angry mob later. He Tian’s failure to protect that puppy from “death” (like He Cheng made him believe) is one of the unresolved issues of his past, which he tries to rectify (or I should rather say, prevent from repeating itself) with Mo Guan Shan. Subconsciously he might be projecting that dog onto Mo Guan Shan, although he seems to be very much aware of his own associations, as he calls Momo his puppy.

During the time He Tian spends taunting and forcing Mo to do stuff, he learns things that make him admire Mo. Like Mo’s refusal to sugarcoat his attitude, the fact that he’s shouldering a heavy financial burden, that he’s actually extremely hardworking, that he has pride and doesn’t entertain shallow ideas of being someone’s monkey on a display even for a princely reward. He Tian discovers traits that he likes. He Tian discovers that under that hard-shell hides someone very honest and raw.

Lastly, if you think about it, Momo and He Tian are somewhat very similar: both of them have been marked by isolation. Mo has been ostracized because of his father’s imprisonment, and grew up being mistreated by likes of She Li and possibly looked down on due to his poverty. He’s withdrawn into a shell out of fear of being hurt, and he the way he views others is marked by suspicion and trust issues. He’s used to people acting nasty to him and, as sad as it sounds, to Mo this is a normal occurrence. What’s abnormal and suspicious is when somebody pulls a random act of kindness on him. And that’s what makes him think “why? what’s their agenda? what’s the catch?”. He Tian, on the other hand, is isolated because of his money and family influence. People who surround him are sycophants, those fangirls and fanboys, whereas in reality not only they don’t care for who he is, they probably wouldn’t even believe if he admitted to being a broken bird. Cause that’s unfathomable, right? Someone who has been born with a silver spoon in their mouth cannot be unhappy or hurting or alone. On top of that, he also has experienced his trust shattered, by his older brother, no less. He feels betrayed. He Tian is just as lonely — if not more — as Momo. So I guess that makes them — two coyotes from the same hill? Or how that Chinese “two peas in the pod/birds of a feather flock together” saying goes, haha. But even still, Momo has something that He Tian never had: someone to love and fight for (Mo’s mom), a home where he’s cherished. I think on subconscious level He Tian craves that, and Momo enables him to vicariously live that life he never had. Does it even make sense? xD

At which point He Tian’s playing around grew into something more serious? I think the kiss episode was akin to a bucket of cold water doused over He Tian’s head that made him reconsider some of his ways. What really triggered his desire to help MGS was probably the plot devised by She Li and the consequent fight. It may have made him suspect that MGS with his financial issues is far more vulnerable to shady vultures than he initially thought and that MGS is walking on an edge here. A little push to the wrong side and he would end up in deep shit. It’s after that fight that He Tian realizes how much Momo is shouldering by himself, and it’s then when we see him try helping him, like getting him a part-time job in that photography studio. Incidentally, it’s also when he’s started to find out Momo’s other sides. Like him being industrious, or unwilling to entertain an idle crowd of onlookers, etc.

Undoubtedly, He Tian’s feelings grew after the mob fight, where Momo got badly injured. We actually see him scared of losing MGS. Not to mention his consequent visit to his father — well they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s also clear to me that Momo’s display of care (during He Tian’s nightmare) had a big impact on HT. That’s when his violent tendencies of forcing Mo gradually fizzled out and became a lot more playful.

So all in all, He Tian probably started to gain feelings once he realized that Momo had his reasons to act like a delinquent, and that underneath it all there lay a person with integrity, who had been simply disenchanted by life and the circumstances that befell on his shoulders.

Whelp, that’s again a long-ass post. These are but my speculations and I don’t aspire for it to be 100% accurate, but I think I jammed in most of my ideas here.

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #ask #old xian #q&a time

1K notes · View notes

frosteee · 4 years

Text

Poor Kid (Thoughts on the end of .hack//SIGN)

I’ve always felt a bit weird about the ending to .hack//SIGN (counting UNISON as the ending). This is because of the the fact that none of the players get involved (beyond cameos) in the following events (//INFECTION etc.), and how it affected my favourite character from that series.

Yeah, it was a happy ending for everyone - except Sora. You know, the child who was put in a coma for A YEAR (according to the series timeline - from 2009-2010).

[LONG, 17-YEAR LATE RANT AHEAD]

[JESUS, 17 YEARS?]

The Problems

Tsukasa and co. had to have heard about it. The infamous PKer who was always around suddenly isn’t not around anymore. The infamous PKer who bought them time to escape Morganna, who told Tsukasa he was going to be ‘right behind’ them, never appeared.

The last place anyone saw him was in the domain of a crazed, homicidal God A.I bent on murdering them all.

Nobody put two and two together?! Nobody looked at one another and asked, “Hey, where’s Sora?”

Did nobody give a shit? They moved the world for Tsukasa, another child they barely knew and who gave them more than enough trouble, but not Sora? They managed to find out the state of Tsukasa’s player, but not Sora?

Sora might have annoyed and inconvenienced people, but he was a stupid kid. A ten-year-old kid in an online game where you can do anything you want. He didn’t deserve a fate worse than death. Not even Silver Knight, who despised him, would hold such a grudge to say that Sora’s player deserved to lay comatose for a year, his consciousness sealed into a monster’s weapon, and a fragment of himself condemned to wander The World as a A.I.

But who saves Sora? A total stranger, who reacts to his thanks with confusion (basically ”Uh, you’re welcome? Who are you??”). Kid didn't even know Sora existed or what happened.

I love the show and the series to pieces, but it would’ve been nice for the games to have the SIGN players return and help Kite in the name of helping Sora, someone they know who is still affected by the shit that went down back then.

Really, with all that considered, Sora should really be angry with Tsukasa and the rest. As far as he’s concerned, they left him to suffer alone for a full year before some rando kid saved him by accident. Nobody bothered to make sure he survived the face-off with Morganna - the crazed, homicidal God A.I. Not even Tsukasa, who had promised to be his friend.

Never mind dancing with them - the first words out of Sora’s mouth at the Unison party should have been: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?”

In all seriousness, there’s a definitive lack of development and investment in Sora’s character that makes his inclusion in Unison seem... wrong. He should be angry with Tsukasa and the others for forgetting him. He should be sad because the one friend Sora thought he had made never reciprocated the help he had given - nobody he knew did.

No, they weren’t bosom buddies, by any means, but the entire SIGN series showed us that these people - Bear, Mimiru, etc. - were not people who would sit idle while knowing someone was suffering and in danger, especially someone they knew.

The problem lies with the games, I think, and how the characters and events of SIGN were treated as cameo fare rather than something to weave into the main plot.

THE FIX

The first game, INFECTION, could have easily done away with this problem. The Wandering Sora A.I and the SIGN cast’s hunt for Skeith could have been incorporated easily into Kite’s mission, without taking over Kite’s story. They could have been cameos/NPCs in the following games after Skeith was defeated and Sora returned. Useful allies in the fight against evil, all that.

ENDGAME

This would have made UNISON so much more powerful, because we, the audience who have seen SIGN and played the games, know that these people are friends and have fought together, and that Sora is alive and well here because of their efforts.

Sora would know that too. Always found it weird how some people return from comas with their memories intact and pop right back into the game for more (looking at you, G.U!), and others, like Silver Knight and Sora, get their memories completely wiped. Convenience, probably, Haseo had to be a blank slate, so no SIGN baggage for him.

Anyway, Sora, with his memories intact (because ow the feelings) would be a (slightly) older boy who has went through so much suffering and seen people come to his aid, even though he pissed them off 99% of the time. That shit would stick. No more PKing - he has friends now! Yeah, he’s still a kid, but he’s not nearly as reckless or immature.

I’m just dreaming now, lol, but even when I first watched UNISON, having watched SIGN and played the games (well... two of them, gah), it felt weird to see Sora just... doing his regular thing, like nothing happened, and then suddenly all pally with everyone at the end because Tsukasa happened to notice him crying (as touching as that scene was, not going to lie I wanted to hug him).

It all felt a bit... hollow? Strange?

This is the end of everyone’s story here - and the end of Sora’s story too (unless G.U was in the works by this point). Its purpose was to show how far everyone has come, how the turmoil and support has brought them all together.

UNISON should have demonstrated Sora’s change from a reckless, lonely, stupid kid to a kid with friends, who values those friends, and doesn’t need to shift his own suffering onto others to make himself feel good for five seconds.

He’s gone through so much shit, we as viewers/players know that - yet UNISON wraps it up without there being much to wrap up because the games didn’t bother.

Instead, Sora is the same as before. Sora owes Mistral and everyone at that party his life - or he should - yet he continues his regular PK schtick and challenges Silver Knight to a fight. Everyone around him reacts as if that is the case. What was the point of all the hell he went through?

Really everything except that scene with Tsukasa should be different. Perhaps, despite everything, despite growing as a person, Sora still fears rejection, fears - like a little boy would - that the people who saved him only did so out of obligation and don’t really like him. So he hides. Tsukasa notices that Sora is missing from the gathering, so he goes to find him. Tsukasa finds Sora hiding and upset, assures him his fears are unfounded, and brings him out to dance.

Poor kid, he deserves it!

(LOOK AT HIS SMILING FACE DAMNIT. WOULDN’T YOU PROTECT THAT SMILE? PROTECT THAT SMILE AT ALL COSTS.)

#meta #long post #analysis #.hack #dot hack #dot hack//sign #dot hack sign #.hack//sign #hack//sign #.hack//infection #dot hack games #dot hack infection #Sora .hack//sign #Sora dot hack #Sora dot hack//sign #rant #essay

4 notes · View notes

delicatefury · 5 years

Text

Grey Dawn Breaking day 3: You do realize this is basically me outlining the plot, right?

It’s not even subtle. As such, things written here may or may not be entirely accurate to the final product.

Anyway... on to the show!

****Spoilers ahead because I don’t know how to read-more on mobile****

I know you’re all anxious to see the Zuko+Iroh talk go down, but I’d just like to take a moment to catch up with the rest of the Gaang and how they’re handling all of this. I just want to make it clear though, that I love every single member of the Gaang. Like if I wasn’t so invested in GDB, I’d probably write at least a one shot of all this happening to Aang instead and him just being like “In this timeline, Avatar’s chase you!” Before kidnapping Zuko onto a life-changing field trip, because it has to work in reverse, right?

That’s not this story, though, and GDB is eating me up inside and I need that attention for the bar exam. So without further ado...

—————

So, right off the bat, Aang’s been given even more responsibility from the get-go. Not only does he have to master all four elements by the end of summer, defeat the firelord, and save the world, he also has to find Avatar Roku’s great (great) grandson so they can help him find a person who made a deal with a dark spirit to do who knows what and that problem might actually take priority!

In usual Aang fashion, he manages to both kinda ignore it, but also worry about it all the time. Which is avoidance and an issue he struggles with and that as never fully resolved (because while I love the Zuko-episodes, the fact that they’re the last ones before the finale means that some really important pre-finale growth for Aang kinda got shuffled to the side. Just a smidge). What this means story-wise is that Aang is internally anxious but keeps his cheerful facade up complete with side-trips and nonesense.

Which also means that he’s fully on board for searching for “curios” on suspicious ships.

Meanwhile, Sokka and Katara are the only witnesses to Avatar Roku singleing Zuko out during their great escape. When they tell Aang about what they saw (but didn’t hear) they joke that maybe Roku was trying to scare the prince away. After all, Zuko looked pretty shaken after Roku smiled at him. What could that be if not a threat?

(That’s a boy with severe self-esteem issues getting approval from someone he never expected to get it from, comics-be-damned.)

Water Bending Scroll happens similar but differently. Katara’s captured a little later, but not by much, but what’s weird is that when Zuko shows up, he’s creeping in the shadows, not being all stomping and yelling like she’s used to. He, well, asks to save her from the pirates. Actually the exchange is more “will you stop wriggling and let me cut you free?!”(whisper-yelled) “What the - Zuko?!” (Very loud shout). Zuko’s forced to recover, offers the bounty for Katara (she hears that he’s willing to buy her. He will later be upset that that’s how she interprets his actions, yet she gives no thought to what pirates would do), accidentally lets slip that there’s a bounty on her companions too, and well, the rest goes as described in last post.

Between this and Crescent Island and Aang’s secondary quest, the Gaang gets a lot to talk about in their bits in between Zuko’s woes. A lot of it focusing on Zuko’s slightly, but not actually, out of character actions. And one accurate but dismissed joke from Sokka that “Hey, maybe Zuko’s Roku’s grandkid!”.

Actually, there’s a lot to going on with Sokka, Katara, and Aang while Zuko’s stressing out on the Wani, and while Zuko’s our traveler, Avatar (and by extension GDB) is sort of an ensemble story with each character getting a pretty well developed arc/personality and I intend to do the same here.

But back to Zuko, because he’s still the main driving force of this plot.

____________

In all honesty, I’ve blocked this scene out on multiple drives to and from work (I haven’t moved yet, so I still get 20+ minutes each way), and I have made myself cry. But The Padawan Discussion from TDPL did too, and people seemed to love that.

But... you won’t be getting the full cry version. This is just the outline. But it’s a very detailed outline.

I’ve gone over this scene a lot.

_______________

Zuko cleans himself up after his training and goes to join his uncle for tea. It takes a while to psych himself up. He’s fully aware that he’s pretty poorly equipped to handle this... everything... on his own. He needs guidance. He needs help. He needs Uncle. But the guilt is eating him up alive and this is probably the most terrifying thing he’s ever done, and that includes facing Ozai in the Agni Kai arena and in the underground throne room.

He remembers Sokka telling him that Uncle would be proud of him. He knows Katara would say that his sincerity would speak for itself. Toph would tell him to toughen up and just go in, while Suki would remind him to stop thinking only about worst-case scenarios.

And Aang would tell him that sometimes, you just need to take a leap of faith.

With that thought, he goes in.

Uncle is waiting with tea in the pot. Zuko carefully keeps the table between them, instead of sitting off to the side. He sees the hurt in Uncle Iroh’s eyes, but he needs the barrier. He feels like he’s taking advantage of his Uncle if he accepts the comfort.

Uncle Iroh does what he’s best at and approaches his problem from an angle. He compliments Zuko’s bending, and the seeming progress. Makes idle chitchat while he pours the tea and waits for Zuko’s first sip. And sighs in relief when it’s spat back out. Zuko’s incensed. Why the hell is his tea so salty?!

And Iroh explains what Zuko has missed. The men have been gossiping that a Spirit has taken Zuko’s place or put a spell on him or possessed him. Since Zuko’s reaction to the salt was entirely human (and not, you know, dropping an illusion, or fleeing to the spirit world, etc.) Iroh can now let the men know that their prince is not possessed by any spirits. But Zuko asks about spirit deals. He’s not stupid, and he has probably researched every possible lead on the Avatar. He thinks he has an idea of what happened.

And Uncle Iroh automatically assumes it was Zuko who made the deal. In denying it, and explaining that he’s pretty sure Azula’s done something like that, details of what happened start to come out. Even the fact that Zuko’s 8 months displaced. And Iroh takes it all in stride. Until he asks Zuko if it has anything to do with why he’s avoiding him. If he had done something to anger his nephew.

Zuko, haltingly, forces himself to explain that it’s all his own fault. That he screwed up and ruined everything and how the guilt ate him up every time he looked at his uncle. And when he takes a breath after going on about how much Iroh will be disappointed in him when he knows just how bad he screwed up, Iroh pulls him into a hug, tea and table be damned. He’s an old man and he knows himself better than anyone, even Zuko, and there’s nothing in the world Zuko could do that would ever make Iroh hate him. And that Zuko’s so remorseful and so obviously pained, how could he do anything but forgive him?

So Zuko tells him a very abridged version of the most eventful 8 months of his life. Chasing the Avatar to the poles, their lives as fugitives in the Earth Kingdom and refugees in Ba Sing Se, the tea shops, and Zuko’s first encounter with a spirit fever. With context, Zuko’s betrayal is both more painful and more understandable and Iroh hugs him again before the apologies can start. Then the return to the Fire Nation, the Day of the Black Sun, and Iroh’s happiest surprise of the day, his nephew joining the Avatar as his teacher.

Then they finally get to what started the whole line of questioning: Zuko’s use of the dancing dragon form.

And when the story’s finished, Iroh asks Zuko to show him the full form. His nephew shouldn’t worry about what the crew may think, he’s already coming up with a half-true cover story.

______

This... this ended up being a lot more detailed than I intended. I’m sure you all don’t mind, but still.

Anyway... I stayed up too late. But once I got started writing this out, I needed to keep going. Here’s hoping I don’t regret it in the morning.

#fury writes #gdb #gdb spoilers #grey dawn breaking #Avatar #the last airbender #Zuko #Uncle Iroh #Katara #Aang #fanfic #If this scene #when fully written #does not make at least one person cry #I shall be very disappointed in myself

31 notes · View notes

faroutspaceman-blog · 5 years

Text

My weekend so far. . 1/2 -1/4/19

My weekend starts off on Wednesday because quite frankly I can't remember what I did Monday or Tuesday. Those days are now non-existent. Forever lost in the trash bin of my deep ugly brain. Here I am laying on my bed, bored out of my fucking mind. I strum a lil guitar, sing a little, but put it back away because I realize I'm still as shit at guitar no less than I was 5 minutes before i picked it up. Now the only logical thing to do is sit and stare at my ceiling loudly moaning irritated grunts of boredom at my innocent ceiling. I get up and decide to make the most extravagant fucking sandwich. Well it was subpar, I usually put lettuce on it but we were out so I settled for a greenless burger. Whatever. I go to sit back on my bed and enjoy my sandwich, when I get a call. I fucking shoot up and tap that answer call like I just felt a rush of heroin in my blood. Thank the fucking lord. My brain almost had an aneurysm from how bored I was. My friend Vanessa and her Boyfriend (who happens to be my ex lover, love that..fuck) asks me if I wanna hang.

Me: "why yes I do want to chill, but if I'm still eating my sandwich by the time you pull up, your ass is waiting at the driveway."

Them: "we have Goldfish and Arnold Palmer's tea"

Me *while stuffing the whole sandwich in my mouth* : SAY NO MAS IM READY

I get on my new Blockbuster hoodie I bought the day before (yes from the world's only Blockbuster left in my Local Bend, Oregon.) And some jeans I found on the floor. I grabbed my keys and my bag and phone. Hiked up my driveway (which let me tell ya was a whole fucking mission in itself. ) Hall ass down my street I see Vanessa's car and they're driving like maniacs down my dirt road so I obviously take advantage of the situation and throw a peace sign into the air and lay in front of her car ready for my death. She stops and I hop in and am greeted with both my promised food items. I was very happy. We drive to a friend's house about a few miles from my house because we need to refill our pods with juice because ya know.. gotta get that nicotine rush. We had 8 full pods to last us the day. (They did not last for 3 people.)

After we fill our pods, we head down to Redmond, Oregon to the local 24 great Walmart to do what ever because we were bored, I decided to challenge my friends to a game of Hide n seek, and I was the only one who hid because they were being lame. I won it took them 40mins to find me. I was in the office supply Ile. After we went to Walmart, we went to Fred Meyers. stole their WiFi and lounged on their couches until it closed. Nothing special pretty boring.

Then Johnny, Vanessa's Boyfriend, gets the bright idea to swing by his house to see if his parents have packed up to leave to Idaho. If they are gone, Johnny plans to break into his own house ( I say break In because he just got kicked out.. again for refusing to be Mormon and for smoking and going against his parents) They are not gone yet so we decide to go to our chill spot which is way up on this hill where you can see all of Redmond. We talk, watch vines, etc.

Anyway I decide to go outside and look around, as I'm looking around Vanessa joins me. We are across from the car and we look around and I find this underwire leopard print bra a smashed TV and a lone boot. So I was already like "what the actual fuck happened here?"

I still forward towards the TV and there I see it, an empty grave, it looks fresh. I turn to Vanessa and she's already booked it back to the Car with me right behind her. We lock the doors and turn on Nextflix (we were watching Chappie).

Halfway through the movie, this man in a green Subaru pulls up next to our car. This is already fuckin weird because only few know about this road.he parks his car a lil ways from ours, cuts off his lights and just idles. At first were cautious but he just seemed to be doing the same we were, so our fear eventually subsided. We finished our movie, the car was still parked, and we pull out to check to see if Hunters parents had left. As we were pulling away we saw that the man had a blond haired woman in her car, but not to be rude she looked like a hooker. He was probably waiting for us to leave and we accidentally rang this man's bill up 200 an hour. Oops.

We checked Johnnys house. They're still there. Guess we're sleeping in the car tonight. We decide to try and find some food, we pull into Domino's and order a large pizza. As we're waiting for pizza, I joke able how I've cut my Cornea in the most retarted way to Vanessa's boyfriend. I move my hands to get the hair out of my face, and the string to my hoodie cuts my eye. At first I thought there was just something in my eye so I start rubbing it. It really fucking hurts. I close my eyes and black thinking it will go away but it never does. We drive back to the chill spot and on the way back, we see that green Subaru on the main Street leaving from our spot,but I saw no girl this time. Who knows we were gone a long fucking time. Must have dropped her off a few ways back. We get back in on the hill I manage my eye to keep the excess light out of it and my friends play Madea boo 2 on next. When the movie ends we decide to just go to sleep on the hill. I'm a little pissed at this point because I just wanted to chill and not murder my eyeball.

We put her back seat down and I'm on the far edge in the backseat wishing I never came because maybe if I stayed home this wouldn't of happened. Then there's a knock on the window. Not like an accidental hit it was clearly a knock. I dont say anything, it isn't acknowledged between any of us. I try and sleep and Johnny is freaking out

"dude are you fucking hearing this. It sounds like footsteps and dragging outside."

I don't hear shit so Ignore it. Then Vanessa starts hearing it. And I know she doesn't lie so I'm flipping my shit at this point. Vanessa jumps into front seat and She whips her car off the hill so fast we was cooking.

We end up driving back to Walmart to get me eyedrops in hope it'll make it better. As Vanessa is running in to get eyedrops, this girl stops us to ask if she can use her phone because her friends ditched her at Walmart ( what fuckin assholes. ) She waits away from our car for her friend, and she quickly comes back telling us that a man asked if she wanted a ride home and a smoke.we told her to wait with us because I was suspicious that it was the man in the green Subaru.

Vanessa's comes back with the eyedrops and we leave the parking lot without the girl. I strangely don't remember saying goodbye to her but we did apparently? We park in the neighborhood and get back into the backseat of the car. We play never have I ever until 4 am. We fall asleep and wake up at 6:30 am. I'm still asleep I. The back seat when I hear Johnny's happy that his parents are gone, he tries to look for ways back into his house but it's a no bueno. They drives to lowes while I pretend to be asleep on the backseat of the car. All I heard was lockpick and Saw and I already knew someshit was about to happen.

They park back at Johnny's house and I stay in the car. About 10 minute later Johnny comes back In the car and yells "we got it". Sweet so the lock picked worked? Nope they sawed a hole in the backdoor. He is for sure going back to jail after this. Vanessa guides me inside because I'm blind and can't see. We sit on the couch i call an eye doctor in bend and make an appointment for 4pm, for Johnny's uncle that happens to coincidentally be an eye doctor. He lives a block away from Johnny. Around 12 pm. We leave Johnny's house and go look for other things to do I. The area.

We pull into this Freshman's driveway,(Tom) and lets get this straight, Tom is fucking annoying and no one likes him because he is a fein for pods and nicotine, that and he thinks he's tough shit. Proud why he got excelled. We've had to help him with every fight he's been in. Trash.

We chill at his house for a while, and eventually his step mom walks in and kicks us out "get out of my house, I don't like kids having sex on my couch"

Honestly we just came over to steal his food. His step mom is such a joke. She has the biggest crush on our friend Jason. We could honestly break apart that whole marriage and cause such a scandle with that information. Anyway it's about 2pm now, my appointment is in two hours. We drive to the park and wait.

5 minutes later Tom skates to us on his long board, asks if he can hang and throws his board I the trunk.

Fuck. Just when I thought I was gonna get away from this kid. We drive by away from the park and go towards bend for my appointment. The whole car ride he blows his burnt vape in my fave and it smells like ass. I asked him to stop. He didn't. We stop at the grocery, I stay in the car, while Tom takes a smoke break out the car while Johnny and Vanessa shop. 3 minutes pass and he asks if I want a smoke.

"no that shits nasty"

"come-on. They don't even taste like stogies. They smell soo good*

He shoves the pack of cigs in my face and I was getting pissed. The only way to get rid of his prized cigs is to threaten his prized cigs.

"if you don't get that shit out of my face rn, I swear I'll rip them all up then spit on them"

"I'll beat ur ass if you do"

I just smirked at him as he took his cigs back and closed the door.

It's about 3:45 and we head to my appointment. Vanessa directs me to the office. And it's so bright in there, I instantly start crying which makes my eyes hurt even more. I honestly have never wanted to just instantly die in a moment than now. I just want to stop hurting. I'm finally able to open my eyes and the office by is actually very nice. I fill out the paperwork and the doctor sees me right away.

I try and play it smooth, talking about how broke I am, and how much I love Jonny so he'll give me a discount be because I don't have health Insurance.

Then he says "be in remember you, we played ping pong at Johnny's house during their Mormon party."

I had flashbacks to the Mormon party, and how we won the game, how I almost fucked Johnny in his car afterwards on the way back home. But it felt wrong because Vanessa was there. Then I remembered the hole in the back door.

"yeah that was really fun. I remember we won."

He didn't day anything he just put numbing drops In My eyes and this yellow dye. He looked at my eyes and said

"you have a 3 millimeter cut on your eye. You really did some damage"

"dammit"

He writes my prescription and im ngl I almost booked it out the door. But I waited instead. He me 120 for a 2 minute visit. Asshole. After I talked so nicely with him.

Me and Vanessa went back outside but the car was gone, so was Tom and Johnny.

We called them, they're a block or two away. We waited and waited, and entertained ourselves by kicking rocks to each other that made the best ear tingling noise you could imagine.

A couple minutes later the car pulled up and this girl other girl was in the car. Wtf man I just want to go home. As soon as we get into the car everyone is aguing about where we're going and Johnny wants to Trade My weed for pods.that he didn't even ask me if he could be trade. Which pissed me off A SHIT TON. johnny, Tom and this dumb dumb bitch kept arguing about pods and juuls. I realized how absolutely fucking retarted it is and how I never want to sound like that. I save all my shit to Johnny and just said " I quit" . We drove into Safeway gave them my perscription. Told us to come back in 20 minutes. Dropped dumb bitch off at her friends no house. Johnny traded my Weed for pods. And Tom proceeded to cuss out girl we traded with calling her names like fat ass, which I did not approve of. Tom commented on something and I swear I almost killed a kid in front of my friends. Tom was lucky that night. I would have strangled him if it wasn't for my eye.

We go back to Safeway and they try and charge me $47 for a $4 perscription. Fuck that. We transfer it to Walmart. We drive home, I'm the first to get dropped off. Thank fucking god.

My mom comes into my room, and hugs me and just listens to me sleepily jabber about anything.

Last time I'll ever sacrifice my subpar sandwich for goldfish and Arnold Palmer's.

Never again

#story #true story #wild nights #script #screenwriting #teens #fuck #smoking #rebellion #rebels #walmart #thread #kids #stray kids #nicotine #weed #cigarettes #weekend

1 note · View note

weneedtherooks · 7 years

Text

Realization

Oh My God This Took Forever

PLEASE READ THE TAGS! LET ME KNOW IF ANYTHING ELSE NEEDS TAGGING!

Okay...I can do this…

Callista took a deep breath as she walked up the steps to the apartment she’d been sharing with Armin. She hadn’t seen him in over a month. Not since.. No, she thought, I won’t let that get to me. I’m here to get my things and leave. That’s it. Besides, he was probably staring at the bottom of a bottle anyway. She'd known he had a drinking issue, he'd told her right at the beginning about it. It hadn't been a problem in the beginning; a few drinks in the evening, maybe one on a bad morning. But after he hit the front lines…? The army had been in need of a good doctor on the front lines once the battle at Verdun started. Armin had been a willing volunteer, and Callista had suggested she go as well, considering her prior work with shell shock patients. That was when the drinking got worse: sneaking off during slow moments, every morning started with a drink, and every night ended with one. Finally, by the beginning of November, he was working drunk. He's gotten extremely lucky that no one had actually died in his care, but that was partially due to Callista shadowing him. One day she just...snapped. Called him out, slapped him for giving her a pathetic excuse...told him to go home. “Armin, just leave. Please. I can't...I can't handle this anymore. Not here.” She sent him a handful of letters, but he never answered. She half wondered if he even opened them, but had shoved the thought aside. Callista was through with trying right now. Maybe later, if/when he figured out what he was doing wrong, she would come back. For now, her heart just couldn’t take it; watching him destroy himself was too much to bear. She was going to their apartment right now to grab some personal things. She stopped in front of the door, steeling herself. Go in. Get your things. Get out. Simple. Turning the handle, she pushed open the door slowly, immediately noticing the foul odor coming from inside. Her whole face scrunched up. Why the hell does it smell so bad? she wondered. It smelled like old urine and vomit, mixed in with...liquor? Something else as well...old food maybe? A quiet clinking sounded behind the door as she opened it. Broken glass? She gasped at the mess as she stepped inside. Broken bottles, books all over the floor, dirty dishes with food still on them...she saw a spot where the vomit smell came from and the attempt at cleaning it. Shock felt like an understatement. What in God’s name hap- Callista froze with a sharp inhale. Armin stepped into view, looking up at her in surprise. “Cal…?” He looked terrible. He hadn’t done much more than put on a pair of pants over his underwear (both looking a little worse for the wear), and he’d forgotten socks all together. He was altogether unkempt; his hair had grown just a little, and he hadn’t shaved at all. The bags and redness around his eyes spoke volumes as well...when was the last time he slept? And had he lost weight? She was also quite certain he hadn’t bathed at all, either. “Are...are you okay…?” No answer. She slowly made her way to him. “Armin, please. Can you answer me?” she asked, stepping in front of him. He gave her a once over, seemingly unsure if she was real or not. She tried to reach out and touch his face, but he flinched slightly, taking a step back. He couldn’t make eye contact with her. “I’m sorry...I’m not...entirely sure how to explain all of this,” he muttered, looking around the room. “My memory is...patchy. At best.” “You don’t remember if you did any of this?” His lip curled up in disgust, looking over the room once again. “I blacked out a few times.” How much drinking did he do? They stood in silence. For how long, only God knew. Callista sighed heavily. “You look like a mess,” she whispered, brushing his hair out of his face. He didn’t step away this time, so she took that as a good sign. He looked at her for the first time. He looks so defeated. Callista cupped his face, her chest hurting a little when he leaned into the touch. “Callista, I…” She hushed him. “Stay here, okay?” He nodded, turning his head to watch her go into the bathroom. It was in desperate need of cleaning before she did anything. Gathering the appropriate supplies, she went to work on scrubbing the bathtub. She gasped at the straight razor sitting in the bottom of the tub, both of which had old bloodstains on them. Don’t tell me he hurt himself…! She pursed her lips, choking down the urge to cry she felt with each passing stain she cleaned. She resisted the urge to throw up herself as she cleaned the toilet. I guess I should be grateful he even managed to make it in here at all. “I’m sorry.” Callista looked over her shoulder. “It’s alright, Armin.” She stood up, wiping the thin layer of sweat off her forehead. “Come here,” she said, motioning for Armin to come into the bathroom while she filled the bathtub. “Okay...get undressed, please.” He cocked his head to the side, but obeyed. When he finished, Callista took his hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up...okay?” He sank into the tub, closing his eyes with a sigh. Cal couldn't stop the soft smile forming on her face, but it quickly faded as she looked at the assortment of cuts and bruises on his body. Okay...it looks like he has a few small cuts on his hands...possibly from trying to clean the broken glass. Bruises are probably from stumbling through the apartment. He’d said he couldn’t really remember all that happened, so maybe it happened during a blackout moment? Her face bunched up in concern. He has at least two-no, three-cuts on his left arm that he stitched on his own somehow, and it looks like another two on the right? She reached over and gently lifted up his right arm. Four cuts. The stitches needed to be replaced, and it looked like one had popped out as well. Two of them had minor infections. “When did you do these?” “Last week, I think,” he answered, staring at one of the infected cuts. He held up one leg, looking at the ones that had scabbed over. “I don’t know when these happened, though. They’ve healed some, but…well, this whole month has been something of a blur.” Cal nodded, grabbing a washcloth and some soap. Carefully, she helped bathe him, removing the old stitches in the process. She cleaned them out as best she could, trying not to hurt him. He seemed grateful for the help; the alcohol induced daze still hadn’t fully worn off, and his attempts at helping her clean himself had been poor. Every time he moved, he groaned. “Everything aches, Cal. I’m fairly certain I can feel my organs aching.” “I’m not surprised. Do you remember anything at all?” Armin’s head lolled back. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Vaguely. I got home and drank a bottle of...schnapps?” He stopped, trying his best to remember what he’d pulled out of the liquor cabinet. Shaking his head in frustration, he continued. “Um, I blacked out for a few hours. I must have fallen asleep during that, because I woke up on the table with a screaming headache. After that...I don’t know, most of it was a mess of throwing things and passing out. I abandoned my position at the hospital, you know. I couldn’t take myself seriously. I thought…” “Thought what?” “That I couldn’t function without you behind me. I didn’t want to risk it.” He turned his head to look at her. “Destroying myself is one thing...but letting someone else die because of my own self-loathing?” “And that wasn’t enough to make you stop?” “Callista, I didn’t even know what the hell to do after you told me to leave. I was angry at you, myself, the world and everyone in it! I’m not so stupid to have kept practicing in my condition!” That wasn’t the answer she expected. They looked at each other in silence again. “Wait here. I’ll get you some clean clothes.” When she returned to the bathroom, Armin had managed to pull himself out of the tub. He was sitting on the floor, but he made it out on his own without falling. “Oh! I could have helped you out!” “I know, but I figured I should try. I’ve barely moved all month, getting out of the damned bathtub feels like an achievement.” Cal giggled. “Should I give you an award? A metal for your efforts?” “Hey, everyone’s fighting a war, aren’t they?” Callista nodded, picking up a pair of scissors and a new razor from on top of his clothes. “Will a haircut and a shave work?” She laughed at his relieved expression. “You have no idea.” “Well, let me grab a chair then!” When she returned to the bathroom again, Armin had gotten halfway dressed. “Look, I managed underwear. I’m really getting the hang of this ‘living’ thing.” Callista feigned surprise. “A true work of God!” Armin rolled his eyes, smiling as he pulled up his pants. “No shirt?” “Let’s start small, Armin. Think you can shave on your own if I give you a mirror?” He nodded. “I think I can manage that much.” They filled the empty space with idle chatter; he asked what work she had been doing, if any new soldiers were going to be assigned to her care, etc. She had a couple of men that needed specific attention, but nothing beyond what Armin already knew. I miss this, Callista thought. She missed the small talk they had at night before bed, about how their respective days went...she missed not eating and sleeping alone, and judging from his reactions during their conversation...he missed it to. “Hey...Armin?” “Yes?” “What made you so angry that you had to empty out the whole liquor cabinet?” His shoulders dropped, as if a heavy weight had been laid on him. “I was more than aware of the problems I was causing. I’d wake up every morning and, as I threw back yet another glass of liquor, I’d begin to wonder: When, exactly, did I let my life get so out of control? At what point had I let myself become wholly reliant on another person? Every time I looked in a mirror, I hated myself, and after a while, it just became blind anger.” Callista set down the scissors, moving around to kneel in front of him. She held out her hands, glad that he was willing to put his in hers. She absently stroked the backs of his fingers. “I was...13. I’d been in America for a short while now. They all claimed I was some kind of genius; it isn’t exactly common for children to be so well known in the field of medicine. I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’d just picked up some books when I was younger, and had even less patience to explain that I was simply well read, but they invited me to their little parties nonetheless. I learned that alcohol was a great method of drowning the pretentious bastards out.” A long pause followed. “Soon, it had become something of a remedy for me: good for softening a headache, great for easing social gatherings, worked well with most foods I didn’t particularly like. Before long, it turned into what you saw upon meeting me.” “A few drinks in the afternoon, and a few at night.” “Yes, in that simple order. Not something to be proud of, I understand, but better than...this,” he finished, gesturing at himself slouched in the chair. “I willingly volunteered to go out to the front,” he started, now sitting hunched in the chair. “I wanted to help so badly, but...I couldn’t take it.” He drew a ragged breath, tears pooling in his eyes. “All the moaning and screaming and constant gore, I...I just couldn’t,” he bit out, the tears falling down his face. “I wanted it all to stop. I wanted it all to go away, and…” “You got away...in the only way you knew how…” His face twisted in self disgust. “I couldn’t abandon my post, that much I knew, but I’d learned well how to sneak in my drinking. So I did. Constantly. Anything to dull the pain of the world around me. I started to get angry with everyone and everything. I hated the people that started the war, I hated the men fighting it,” his voice began to raise, “I hated that stupid excuse for a hospital, I hated it all! And I couldn’t find a single damned reason to!” It hurt to listen to him, to watch him. He had fallen so far before finally looking up, she realized. His words came out broken between sobs now. “I didn’t have the strength to look at myself and say ‘Hey, maybe we should think about stopping this whole being battered constantly gig we have going?’, and when you approached me...it broke me.” He inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. “I hated that everything you said was right. I hated that I knew you were right. I hated myself for letting it get that far. When I shoved you…” His eyes shut tight, and Callista remembered vividly what happened. “I think that slap tipped the scale. Forced me to see what I was becoming. When I came home, I was torn between drinking further to ease that pain and destroying every ounce of the damn liquor that brought me to this point.” He finally broke down, sobbing into his hands. Callista felt the tears running down and between her fingers. Calming him wouldn’t help, so she chose to let him be. How long had he been holding this resentment in? “Did anyone in your family know about this?” she asked softly. He shook his head. “No,” he replied. “My mother hated my drinking, I didn’t want to tell her about this. And Derrick frets about enough as is.” “What about Friedrich? Or Erich?” “I haven’t heard from Erich in weeks. And Fritz? He’d be the first to say ‘I told you’, but that would be in retaliation for all the times I’ve chastised him on his sexual habits. They weren’t who I was concerned about.” “They...weren’t? Then who?” He sat up to look her in the eye. “You.” Callista leaned back. Armin looked off to the side. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but I had been drinking less after you came around. I didn’t feel like I needed it. I could handle the withdraw, as long you were just...there.” That’s why he’d been slowing down…? Was because of me? “Why…?” “I...loved you.” She teared up as he looked back at her. “Callista, I still do.” She bit her lip, trying to hold back tears of her own. “However,” he began, taking a slow breath, “I won’t be so selfish as to ask you to stay here.” Cal was surprised. “Wha-” “No, let me finish, please. I won’t sit here and try to give you all the reasons you should stay here with me. I understand the process of becoming sober will be...difficult. And I don’t wish to hurt you further.” Callista looked down at the floor, sighing heavily. The nerve. “Armin-” “Callista-” She put a finger over his lips. “Promise me.” He looked confused. “I can handle difficult, Armin. I deal with shell shock patients, getting over drinking is not a big deal.” She looked him in the eyes. “But you need to promise that’ll you give it your all. That you won’t quit when it gets hard.” Cal leaned up, kissing him softly. Armin let out the breath he’d been holding, molding his lips against hers. There was relief in his kiss, desperation seeping through as well. Callista parted the kiss, gasping a little. Armin pressed his forehead against hers, both of their eyes shut tight. “Armin Rosenthal, I love you. I want nothing more than to be with you. Just promise-” “Callista Hawkins, I want you by my side forever, if you’ll have me. You already possess my heart, there is nothing I can’t give you.”

#tw blood #tw self harm #shitty dialogue #my ocs #armin rosenthal #callista hawkins #i tried okay #this isn't my strong suit #and i didn't have the guts to ask my dad about this stuff

2 notes · View notes