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tree-obsession · 6 months

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HSR and Scars+other physical trauma marks HCs

I haven't seen anyone do this yet, but lmk plz if someone has!

Minor spoilers for main plot

Arlan- scars in a lot of places, implied that he could fight as a child and was poor, canonically has a prosthetic arm (at least I think, but works as hc too) and scars on his arm and nose at least. likely has more, esp on arms since using a greatsword doesnt give great defensibility and his moveset involves cutting HP(judging by the animation, using electricity, so electricity scars too? are those called lichtenberg scars?). he's short, and again the childhood implications mean he was probably malnourished.

Asta- probably minor things from working with untested equipment, and has likely burned her hands with her own powers- but, since she's a noble, she's likely expected to be neat, so idk. I like the burn idea tho.

Bailu- she's a healer, so I think what she does get she can get rid of too. But maybe her dragon tail has unhealed bits from failed assassination attempts, or smth?

Blade- canonically has scars basically everywhere. literally got tortured for a really long time, had home planet destroyed as a child and likely didn't get out unscathed (we NEED to talk abt that more), was a forge worker (burns) and did fight on occasion as Yingxing, and then was on the run for about 1000 years or something, and canonically died even more during that time. also has a skillset that involves cutting his own hp. likely doesn't have to eat, but he's unhealthily skinny because of it anyway. chronic pain. somebody give this guy a hug please.

Bronya- she's a soldier, so callouses, blade scars, bullet scars, emergency first-aid scars, and probably desensitized to cold more than the average human bc belobog. really high disregard for pain that concerns seele on a regular basis.

Clara- her. her feet. are they ok. but also some scars from working with mechs and being in the cold, but svarog made sure nothing too major happened while she was in his care. before, though... likely got beat up for being a "pushover" (im crying plz).

dan heng-... chain scars. we NEED to talk about the fact he spent most of his life chained up in prison with guards and people who hated him (minus jing yuan). probably none of the guards would have stopped some of the more violent ones from getting physical- how else would he tear his clothes that much? probably wasn't fed enough or allowed to exercise much. and the chains- listen, i know we joke about the light cone a lot(honestly why was that specifically made into the light cone) but that was really how he lived for a long time. the desc even said he "writhed" and "gasped for breath". he definitely has huge scars from rubbing skin raw around his wrists, ankles, stomach, and maybe his neck? his arms are definitely majorly scarred over and stuff from this, and probably his ankles+legs too. also his eyesight is probably shit from the dark, unless Vidyadhara magic somehow helped that.

bonus: there is a fic on ao3 called "you're looking into their eyes (and find you're looking into your own)" by robyndoesntlikeyou that deals with dan heng having scars that i only found after drafting this post. plz rec any more fics you have on this...

Fu Xuan- i really don't know for her. probably small ones that wouldn't have scarred, but she saw them as unimportant and didn't treat them...

Gepard- similar to Bronya, but maybe not as many since he's a shielder, but more of the lack of cold sensitivity? he's on the front lines lots

Guinaifen- burn scars on forearm and hands. probably can't feel much on her hands too. idk her lore but she's a street performer, so probably not always enough money for food.

Herta- we basically know nothing about her! seriously, she's so mysterious, and her character stories are vague about her past. i can't think of anything, but maybe there were some more dangerous experiments?

Himeko- considering she rebuilt the Astral Express, there were probably dangerous components involved there somewhere... and her backstory still seems pretty mysterious

Hook- diggertron probs caused burns, and life in the underground is dangerous- plus, moles could apparently go to the fight club? which seems like an issue

Jing Yuan- he's a general- lots of war scars. and probs lighting burns because he summons that entire lightning lord/chronic pain.

Jingliu- she definitely has a lot- i'm pretty sure she's the oldest of the hcq, and also got mara-struck/ fought in wars and was on the run and exiled for a long while. canonically constantly in pain due to mara. also really, really needs a hug, except the only person she would probs let hug her is baiheng, who is dead! and also she isolated herself and tortured yingxing/blade. hcq enjoyers are in literally so much pain.

Kafka- would have a lot of callouses, but idk about where scars would be. she would probs cover them up to avoid drawing attention (as she is an assassin), but idrk where exactly. she seems really sneaky, and considering she has no fear there's no reason for her to hesitate in battle. maybe scars on arms from electricity or stray bullets?

Luka- canon that he has scars from wrestling and stuff.

luocha- again, he would probably just heal whatever scars he did get. i really don't know for him, sry ):.

lynx- most calloused hands ever and even more of a weird cold tolerance than others because she's an explorer. probably just doesn't have feeling in some places. and there are probs scars somewhere from when she ran into fragmentum beasts but she's also a healer so...

march 7th- from careless accidents, sure- dropping glasses and stuff, maybe from a few close fights. but her body was wiped like her memories, plus she's a shielder and archer, which is code for not in the thick of the fight and not taking much damage herself, although she has been careless a few times. also, bowstring burns.

natasha- again, she would heal it. but has chronic pain from lugging around that heavy gun and due to age- i think she's in 50s? she's a respected person, and raised seele in the orphanage, but i dont think there's an official age.

pela- cold resistance. maybe some scars from mechanical accidents? and also there were likely some attacks right after she was born since so many of her mother's coworkers were killed.

Qingque- she's clumsy, so accident scars- breaking glass, falling down too many stairs, etc.

sampo- cold res! and probably some close calls since he's such a rat and has enemies, so most scars are on his stomach.

seele- again, growing up in the underworld was tough, so fighting rings + orphanage scraps + street fights, plus some malnourishment since she often gave her food to smaller kids and ran all the errands. was always a fight-first person, but cares a lot and so would protect automatically. has scars all over- many knife ones, some bullet or burns, and electric ones from fixing up mechs.

serval- electric ones from when she was just starting to fight with the guitar. do i need to keep saying cold resistance for the Jarilo-vi ppl?

Silver Wolf- definitely got some, but can aether hacking erase them? either way i doubt she would actually care enough to try unless she was really bored. but also has terrible eyesight, even by punklorde standards. idrk where her scars would be, so spread out mby?

sushang- spent her entire life training and canonically is brawns over brains, so probs more than a few. also her sword is heavy so she probs had some accidents. mostly on her arms and stomach.

tingyun- probs some from people blowing up amicassador ships, since they want to interrupt peace talks and things- but she's fast and experienced.

topaz- had bad lungs, but had a surgery after getting promoted to fix them. some burns on her hands and her sense of smell is a bit screwed up, so numby is often her compass for that (i love numby SO MUCH)

trailblazer- massive scar from getting stabbed through. none from before game started, since apparently they're a puppet. i think they would heal faster, but messily because of that, so a bunch of smaller scars on their torso, face and forearms.

welt- lots and lots from soldier time, especially from debris and the honkai energy probably has some kind of physical drawback. hands are a bit screwed up too, and gets a lot of chronic pain.

yanqing- what the heck is his family history? will it become relevant later? kind of curious how that may affect these hcs, but hands are super calloused and while he often doesn't retain major injuries, he'll only care for them if jing yuan tells him to, so a bunch of smaller scars just from that. mostly on his arms and hands and neck (ppl probs try to stab there often...)

yukong- so many- was huge in the war, so lots of bullet scars and maybe even some that were previously mara-infected and made worse. hearing is shot, uses hearing aids in her fox ears. a bit irrelevant but she is totally awesome.

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blackvahana · 7 days

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So. Talking about the Forest. I'll do a proper rework of this post when it's established, giving not just names of the trees but descriptions of the specific energies. For now... an introduction

It's all started in this laid out set of two rings, one in the middle is where the main tree grows that's my energy as a whole, and then the outer ring is where saplings for my major energies/aspects grow. Yes it's laid out like a clock so I could say numbers alone, but I thought I'd give a visual because I'm a visual person and... it's not technically a clock so

Any with a hyphen are currently unknown

1: -

2: Lightning? I was going to say I didn't know but my phone suggested that and. probably is

3: Day

4: -

5: -

6: Madness

7: -

8: Rain - yeah if rain is opposite no.2 I'd say no.2 is lightning

9: Night

10: Sleep

11: Unknown? Feels animalistic, wild, instinct-based

12: - wouldn't be shocked if it was Kingship/Power/etc

13: Heart, the Self Tree

So. Heart Tree grew first. Twisted, ebony wood. I described it in the second half of this post talking about it as the Me Tree (name is still in the works), specifically its bark, but it seems to have a normal tree trunk underneath. I actually think it's hollow, through which... oh yeah amniotic waters - the depths of deep space just below the Zero Point Sky - definitely flowing through. Possibility from which probability arises, sleeping power. I can definitely see eyes all over it, but that's visions.

Madness was the first to grow after the Heart Tree. Lev tried to re-pot it, it... wasn't having it. It wanted a whole floating island for itself which it got, sparking it to grow into a huge paradoxically gnarly-elegant thing that is just.... staking out this space outside the room. In regards to what happened yesterday I'm preettttyyy sure it's defensive and territorial and just. settling into itself at the moment, and so we can keep it there without poisoning people who come close to the new house - and that's a part of it, I need to trust it. Vibes of what Asunder said the other day about how I apparently walk around fiesty and aggressive when I'm asleep lmfao, waking in and out of sleep brings up defensive mechanisms in me and Madness is already tied to literal venom.

Another few have begun to sprout up, but I'll give them their own posts. The point of this one is just... This is how they've started, this is an example of one sapling being taken and then growing into itself within. a day. so I expect the others to do similar things.

They'll all have their own specific tags too. Anyway. Byee

#Tool: the Forest #Tool: Heart Tree #Tool: Tree of Madness #astral diary #ramblings //#Location: ananyavarda

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starlightxsvt · 4 years

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Hellion

pairing: Jeonghan x female reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, idk what this is

warnings: cursing

word count: around 1.5k

A/N: Firstly, happy birthday to the Jeonghan, our con man. I know I'm a day late so forgive me for that. Secondly, I've no idea what the hell I wrote. I've cancelled two other drafts I wrote for his birthday cause none of them were coming together and in the end I've decided to post this shit. Anyway, your feedback would be really appreciated in this mess of a story :').

"What's Jeonghan doing here?" You hiss to Mingyu who has a hard time prying his eyes off of Chaeyeon. "I invited him. I never thought he'd actually come. I'm surprised too." He replies.

"Wha- why would you invite Jeonghan to my birthday party!" You glare at him to which he rolls his eyes, "Come on now, he's in our friend group. And college is almost over. You don't know when you'll see him again. Ogle him while he's still here." He smirks.

"What did you just s-"

"Oh come on, don't act like I don't know that he's your secret crush. Maybe make up with him and if you're lucky you'll get some good dick as a birthday present." Mingyu chuckles at your open mouth before scurrying away to avoid your wrath. You glare at his retreating figure before inhaling sharply. And before you can stop yourself, you start to look for him.

You spot Jeonghan at the large porch in the back of Mingyu's house, sitting in one of the porch seats while sipping beer. He looks dashing as always, his black hair messy, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight, his cheekbones getting a prominent shine. You sigh.

Jeonghan was an exhausting person to be around and maybe, he'd say the same for you. You've known him since highschool and after a particular incident of him spilling his banana milk all over your brand new scarf, you decided to call it war. To this day you believe that he did it on purpose because you told your homeroom teacher that he slept during his class.

After that it was like an unspoken rule- you two would bicker whenever you were in the same space. It only infuriated you that he was so good looking, smart, famous and the fact that you had some feelings developing for him. Each time you saw him with a girl you'd feel a bitter feeling all over and you could only hope that those feelings would pass over time. But no they didn't, they only grew- the small branches had formed a tree now, the roots planted deep in your heart.

"How long are you going to stand there and stare at me?" Jeonghan calls, without turning behind. You clear your throat before walking to him, "Didn't expect to see you here, fuck face."

"Can you not call me names for a day please? You're just jealous I'm good looking." He remarks drowning the can of beer.

You snort, "Haha. You wish, loser." You plop down beside him. "I see you've finished quite a few cans. What's up? Got ditched?" You poke him.

"What do you care?"

"You're ruining the mood here with all these sad aura around you. Go drink your sorrows away somewhere else, this is my party."

"Yet you are sitting with me and my sad auras."

"I came to tell you that," you scoff, crossing your arms over.

"Parties are not your thing, I know. And Mingyu wasn't shy on inviting people. It feels more like his birthday than yours." Jeonghan comments, still staring ahead. His words are true and they infuriate you. You can't help but get defensive, "What do you know, sad boy? I'm enjoying myself just fine."

"And yet you are sitting with me and-"

"Stop saying that, will you!" You snap. Jeonghan chuckles before looking at you. He unabashedly eyes you up and down, heating your cheeks up in the process.

"Nice dress," he murmurs. His words catch you off guard and you glare at him, "Stop staring at me, pervert."

"You were staring at me earlier."

"Seriously? Can you stop for one goddamn second?"

"You're the one who started it."

"That's it. I shouldn't have come here," you stand up to leave but to your utter surprise Jeonghan grabs your hand, sending your heart to a frenzy. "Wait."

You swallow nervously, heart thudding loudly in your chest as Jeonghan lets go of your hand and meets your eyes, "Sit down, I've a gift for you."

You frown, "You have a gift for me?" Jeonghan nods before sitting straight, setting down his can. "Before that, I need you to know something."

"W-what?"

"I really didn't spill my milk all over you intentionally that day." He meets your eyes.

You can't help but laugh out loud partially because he's still concerned about that and partially because you believe he's lying.

"Listen here, sad boy, I've put that well past me. And I know for a fact you did it on purpose so don't-"

"You didn't, ___. We've been fighting over that for our whole goddamn lives. And no, I'm not lying. I've no reason to. I never cared if you told our teacher shit or not." His chocolate orbs bore into yours and you swallow. The air surrounding you suddenly becomes thick and you start to feel jittery and maybe a slight amount of guilt. Is he really speaking the truth?

"W-whatever, I don't care anymore." You say, sitting down gently beside him.

"And yet you still hold a grudge against me," Jeonghan sighs. "Besides you're not even fun to fight with."

"What did you say?"

He laughs, his eyes forming crescents and the sweet melody echoing in the air. You quickly look away before he catches you staring, "I don't have all day. Where's my gift?"

"Yeah, right." From beside him he produces a bag that you didn't notice before. He hands it to you and you tentatively peek in, half expecting a bug to jump out.

To your utter surprise, a scarf that looks identical to the one he ruined lies there. A small gasp leaves your mouth.

"I bought it that day after I stained yours. I was going to give this to you as an apology but dear lord, you were on my ass the second I got to class next day." Jeonghan speaks and a blush coats your cheek leaving you feel vulnerable all of a sudden.

"I don't know what to say," You whisper more to yourself. Jeonghan chuckles, "I know, you're touched. It's okay, we're even finally."

You bite your lip and exhale loudly before meeting his eyes, "Thanks." Jeonghan moves his hand in a dismissive wave. "I thought I'd finally give it you, call it a truce. We'll probably never see each other again after this month and I wanted to depart on good terms."

Your throat constricts, an overwhelming sadness enveloping you. He's right, you two would probably never see each other again. His dad owns a huge business and he'd probably go abroad to manage it.

"You're right, let's call it a truce," you whisper staring at the scarf in your lap.

"Come on now, don't look so sad, sad girl," Jeonghan teases you and you roll your eyes. He's still the same.

He hands you a beer, "Have a drink with me to sign the truce." You quietly laugh, taking the can from him. You two share a comfortable silence, staring at the night sky, the music from the party fading into the background until Jeonghan decides to break it.

"I know you like me, ___." The words slip past his lips like it's the most casual thing ever. You choke on your beer before looking at him eyes wide like saucers, "W-what!"

Jeonghan slightly turns to face you, his features calm, "You don't have to act. I've known all along."

Oh. My. God.

Heat spreads all over your face like wildfire. Your first thought is that Mingyu told him. You chew your lip as you see no way out. "W-who told you?" You squeak.

"I've figured it out myself," He says nonchalantly, resting his head on his hand as you stares at you.

"You-you did?"

"Mhmm."

You fumble with the hem of your dress before murmuring out, "I-I should get going." You need to escape him. Forever.

But Jeonghan isn't done. He casually goes on, "I've always thought you were pretty. Even when you get red after losing an argument." You blush furiously as your palms sweat.

"You know I really had no intention of picking a fight with you but you...you were so desperate to bring me down. You always speak too much and I often think about the many ways I could shut your loud mouth. Such a shame, we would've made a great couple."

Your face feels like it's on fire by now. You swallow before nervously laughing, "I s-see what you're doing here...You're trying to p-prank me, asshole."

Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, sighing, "See? There you go again, running that damn mouth." Your lips press together as you clench your fists, thinking of a way out. In the blink of an eye Jeonghan scoots closer to you and leans in to capture your lips in a kiss.

A squeak leaves your mouth as Jeonghan tilts your head, cupping your cheek. You want to pull back, smack him, call him names but you can only moan as his mouth slots against yours perfectly. Your tongues clash as you grab a fistful of Jeonghan's shirt, moaning.

When you pull back for air, you're mortified, wanting to be swallowed up by the ground. Jeonghan is totally calm as he takes in your messy state licking his lips.

"Do you want to continue?"

"W-wh-what?"

"I said do you want to continue this? If you don't want to I'll leave. If you do then you're coming home with me. Which one is it gonna be, ___?"

You bite your lip. Oh my God. This can't be happening.

You grit your teeth as every ounce of your resolve disappears, "I...I want you."

The smile on Jeonghan's face is victorious, a smile you've seen million times before, a smile that makes you week in the knees. "Good girl." He says encasing your lips in another kiss before standing up holding out his hand. "Come along, sweetheart. I'm gonna ruin you for any other man. Even when it's morning you'll only be thinking about me," he whispers in your ear before tugging you out of the porch- your heart hammering in your chest as you squeeze the scarf on your hand.

Fuck, you owe Mingyu a fruit basket or some shit now.

A/N 2: Also, that video of Jeonghan exercising made me 🥵🥵 this man is so infurating. I was literally dehydrated from watching that video.

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criminalminds4days · 3 years

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Family Matters | Chapter 4: Saying Sorry is a Virtue

Hello my beautiful souls!!

I hope this of you who celebrate Christmas had and amazing time, and those if you who don't had a great Friday!

I had a really chill holiday, and although I was supposed to be home and that didn't happen, I'm still glad I had a good time. I got a watch for Christmas and I'm obsessed!!

Anyway, I also wanted to let you guys know I'll be posting the story on Wattpad, and thanks to @meowiemari I also have a cover. I have attached it below! My wattpad user is @criminalminds4days so feel free to follow and read along!

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. It's one of my favorites. 💙💙

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.6k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 4: Saying Sorry is a Virtue

It had been a little over three months since her absolute wrecking of the family retreat. She had managed to get her mom to get past it, and though she had promised to apologize to the rest of her aunts and uncles, she had not gotten around (well, more like she didn't think it was necessary, they probably had already forgotten, and she did actually mean every word she said).

Her team and she had evaded more danger than possible in the last couple of weeks, and she had a feeling today she would not be returning to her bed to sleep. She also had to figure out what she wanted to get Spencer for his birthday. She was so excited to celebrate with him that she wanted to spill her idea of a surprise birthday party to him, but she needed to remain strong. She just hoped he would like it, and that she could find something to give him. She knew him so much better now and had so many things that he would like, but she wanted this gift to be unique, something that reminded him of her. Not that she wanted him thinking about her all the time because that would be weird, but maybe once in a while?

A knock on her door made her get out of her head. She walked to see Tyler Hemingway standing on the other side.

"Can I come in?"

"Why?"

"I just-" He looked at the floor, nervous. "I was just hoping we could talk."

"We can talk right here, what do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I am sorry, for what happened."

"What exactly? That you humiliated me in front of my family, or that your wife called me and my boyfriend liars."

"All of it, I should have known better."

"Yes, you should have." She debated whether to say something else but decided against it. "I honestly don't understand where this is coming from, it was two years ago."

"I know, and I am also sorry it has taken me so long to say anything. I just didn't know how to approach the situation, and what we had was so special, I wish I hadn't ruined it."

She had waited to hear those words for so long that how wrong what she did, didn't occur to her until the damage had been done. Even if her feelings for the man in front of her were not the same as they were two years ago, those words were enough to make her become less hostile towards him. She let Tyler in, forgetting Spencer was waiting for her to pick him up in about twenty minutes.

"Spencer? Why are you late?"

"Because she didn't pick me up like she was supposed to. I assumed she may be running a little late, so I waited and then I called her, but it went straight to voicemail." He responded to Emily.

"That is so not like her, should we be worried?"

"I don't know, but I already am, maybe we should go see if she's home or something."

The elevator doors opened once again as Spencer and Emily were preparing themselves to raid her house in order to find her. She stepped out, a look of immense guilt present as her eyes landed on the brunette. He did not seem upset, more like relieved she was there. Emily dropped her jacket and embraced her, a huge weight lifting off her shoulders after seeing her. When she was released from the woman's hug, she directed her eyes back to him.

"I am so sorry; I was on my way-" before she could explain Aaron Hotchner told them to join the rest of the team at the round table to discuss the next case.

"This one is a bad one," JJ said as she read through the file. "These people are killing families. Not even the children are spared."

"Yeah, and it's only getting worse." Said Penelope as she shared the pictures of the crime scenes. She wished she could concentrate but Spencer kept glancing at her with worry. He knew something wasn't right, but she didn't know how to explain it without sounding like she was digging herself in a bigger hole.

She avoided him on the jet, as she pretended to be asleep and then engaged in a very interesting conversation with JJ about diapers and toddlers. As much as she loved the blonde, she sometimes didn't appreciate learning all these baby facts, it took the wishes to have children away faster than anything else.

She was now in a black SUV, with Spencer in the back seat and Emily driving. She sat in the front seat as they drove towards the hospital. One of the girls had been spared and they were hoping to talk to her about the unsubs.

"So, why were you late this morning?" Emily questioned, "You left Cinderella over there without his carriage."

"Yeah, I know. I am so sorry Spencer."

"It's okay, I just got worried."

"I know, and I am so sorry." She took a deep breath, preparing to explain to them why she had been delayed. "I just got some unexpected company this morning."

"Was it Anna?"

"No, she has been radio silent for these past couple of months, I'm assuming she is building a bulletproof alibi for when she decides to murder me."

"Is there something I should know about?" Emily asked as she stole glances at her.

"Spencer and I went to my family retreat a couple of months ago and when we were there I may or may not have basically told my aunts and uncles to go fuck themselves."

"You explicitly told them to do so." Spencer clarified.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because they all sucked. Emily if you would have been there, you would have done the same." Spencer responded. "But going back to the main topic, who came to your apartment today? Was it your mom?"

"We need to have a conversation about this whole family retreat thing!" The woman behind the steering wheel complained.

"I will tell you all about it tonight." She assured her. "And no, Spence, it wasn't my mom, it was someone a little closer to Anna."

"Her mom?"

"No, Tyler."

There was no response to that, Spencer looked like he didn't know exactly what he was feeling, while Emily seemed like she had returned to watch her favorite show only to find out she missed a whole season, and she had no idea what happened to the storyline she was following.

"Who's Tyler?"

"Anna's husband." She clarified, "he came to apologize for everything, and to say that he didn't think what Anna did was okay."

Reid scoffed, "and you believe him?"

"He seemed very genuine about it."

"Unbelievable."

"I am so lost right now."

"Spencer, are you upset about this?"

"Me? Why should I? It's not like I pretended to be your boyfriend to prevent him from making you feel any worse than he had already, and you ended up right back at where you started."

"Are you implying I slept with him?"

"I never said that."

"Well then what are you saying? Because need I remind you, he is a married man. I would never do something like that." She crossed her arms, becoming defensive of the situation. "He simply wanted to talk, so I listened. It was a conversation, and it's just going to be a dinner. Nothing more."

"Oh, so you're going on a date with him too?"

"It's not a date! Did I not mention he was married?! To another woman!"

"Being with someone else has never stopped him before."

"What is happening right now?" Emily asked, to no one in particular.

"Seriously Spencer?"

"Did I lie?"

"Why are you so worked up about this? It doesn't even concern you."

"I am upset, because even after he told you in front of all your family that he was in love with your cousin and married her, breaking your heart, he says, 'I'm sorry' and suddenly he's back on the top of your priority list." He spits out, his emotions running high.

"This man did what now?" Both looked at Prentiss as if remembering she was there all along.

"I can't believe you just said that! I confided in you."

"And I trusted you."

"It was one day! I forgot to pick you up one day and suddenly I am the worst person on this planet, really?"

"Are you seriously so oblivious to think this is about some stupid ride?"

"Guys,"

"No? Then what is this about? Is this about me making you look bad or something?"

"No, it's about the fact that after all we've been through and the fact that I have done all I can to help you and be there for you I am still less important than Tyler fucking Hemingway."

"Guys,"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Guys,"

"It doesn't even matter anymore, enjoy your dinner." He undid his seat belt. "Why didn't you tell me we were here Emily?"

"I have been trying."

"Let's go then." He said as he exited the SUV marching up to the hospital entrance.

"What is his problem?" She asked Emily, still heated by the discussion.

"Well,-"

Before Prentiss could respond she was cut off. "I mean, yes, this guy broke my heart but that doesn't mean I have to hold a grudge forever, right? I might as well move past it, don't you think?"

"If you ask me-"

"And it was one conversation, and we're going out to dinner to finish it, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't know why he got so worked up about it, do you?"

"Yeah-"

"You know what, screw Spencer, if he wants to be a jerk for no fucking reason, let him do it. I am not going to lose sleep over it, nor am I gonna give him explanations. Who the hell does he think he is?"

"I think-"

"Yeah, you're right Emily, when Reid decides to get his shit together he can talk to me, in the meantime, we need to find out who these unsubs are before they hurt anyone else." She undid her seatbelt and opened the door, Emily still sitting there, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. "Aren't you coming?"

"Yeah, sure." She followed suit and they both entered the hospital. Spencer was speaking to the girl's nurse as they approached, he didn't make any comments, but he also didn't acknowledge her, nor invite her into the conversation as he did to Emily. He was acting professional and doing his job, but his stance and emotions were very clear by the lack of interactions between them unless it was absolutely necessary.

As soon as Emily entered the room to interview the victim, the silence that engulfed them made her heart tighten. Spencer and she had gone past this already, they were friends, there was never a silent moment between them, and now all of that seemed to vanish in the air, all because of her decision to let Tyler Hemingway apologize.

She chose to ignore the situation until further notice. Emily was right, Spencer was being a dramatic prick and she was just gonna give him the time to realize that he was wrong. So when she got to bed, grateful for a bit of peace knowing one of the killers had been identified and was going to be caught soon, the last thing she wanted to do was have a conversation with Emily about the topic this same one had told her to not think about.

"I didn't say to just ignore it. As a matter of fact, I didn't get one sentence out during the whole drive to the hospital."

"That can't be true."

"Oh, but it was. Now I know how Reid felt when Gideon left." She fixed her shirt and continued, "well, regardless, what happened between you and Tyler, and what exactly does Dr. Genius know?"

"Spence knows pretty much everything, it kind of came with the territory." She recounted the story and this time she didn't leave any detail out, well, almost didn't leave any detail out.

Emily learned about Anna and their rivalry, Tyler and him choosing her cousin over her, the only thing she never even brought up was her dad. Only Spencer knew about it and she wanted to keep it that way. She finally landed on the weekend in question and the words she had shared with her cousin. Though that wasn't exactly what Prentiss found worrisome.

"You and Reid kissed?! Like on the lips?!" She screamed.

"Yeah, it was just so they would stop bugging us. It's not even the first time we kissed, so why is it a big deal?"

"Wait, you've kissed him before that day?"

"Yeah, at my cousin's wedding."

"Holy shit! I was not expecting that. My OTP is getting all these moments that will eventually lead to the ship sailing and I didn't even know about them!"

"Have you started talking another language by accident or something? I don't understand anything of what you just said."

"Don't worry about it. On a scale of one to ten, how good of a kisser is he?"

"Eleven." She responded immediately, "but that has nothing to do with this whole situation."

"It definitely does! Now it makes sense, Reid thinks you still have feelings for your ex, and he's jealous. He probably doesn't even know it, and he's probably trying to understand why he is so upset with you. Oh my god, he's jealous!"

"Emily, he's not jealous. Spence and I are not dating, we pretended to be a couple." She explained, thinking the woman hadn't understood her.

"Yeah, I know that, but I also know that any fake dating movie or book has always reached a point where the two main characters become unconsciously aware of their feelings. This is it! THIS IS IT!" She shook her and laughed, then suddenly came to a stop. "Oh my god, I am the best friend. I am definitely the friend that gives some wise advice that makes it click in your brain, let me think," she looked around the room as if inspiration would pop out of the bed. "I got it: get your shit together and marry Spencer." She stood and walked out the door, before fully closing it she spoke again, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk some sense into our little genius. Love you, hope I am invited to the wedding!"

Though after the break in the case they had found themselves relieved and on their way back, the nagging feeling she called Emily Prentiss kept insisting that both doctors were actually in love and that all they needed to do was kiss and become a couple. It was so constant that even when she wasn't around she could hear her echo. Like right then when she was trying to brush her hair and mentally prepare herself for whatever this dinner with Tyler was going to bring. Though she and Spencer had not yelled or continued to argue, there was nothing else left of their friendship, at least that's what it seemed like. It was as if the past months were a dream and they were just back to being coworkers, and that feeling was burning her up inside. She did not realize how important he had become in her life until he wasn't a part of it anymore.

"You look great," Tyler said as she entered the restaurant.

"Thanks, Spence helped me pick out this shirt when we went to the mall a couple of weeks ago. He said blue always looked good on me."

"That's great." The man responded, clearly uncomfortable. "So, I know you had to leave for work the other day, but I was hoping now we could talk more about what happened between us."

"Yes, of course."

She didn't really understand how she had gotten to the point of having an actual conversation with the man sitting across from her, because she had been angry at him for so long, that it never occurred to her as a possibility. He had once again apologized and given her a tale of how he had let his emotions guide him without realizing he could hurt others, and while that didn't excuse his actions, she still accepted his apology, choosing instead to move on from their current limbo. They had quickly changed the conversation, like if two old friends had reconnected after so long. Tyler was a great friend when he wanted to be, he was pleasant company, to say the least.

"And the other day, Spence was trying to learn to play the piano, and I told him there was no way he could learn in a week. So what did he do? He-"

"Stop, just stop!" He interrupted her, and she furrowed her eyebrows confused. "I have been sitting here for an hour listening to you talk about your stupid boyfriend and his IQ of 187." He rubbed his hands through his face and tried to calm down. "Was this the plan all along? You heard me tell you that I wished I hadn't ruined our relationship and decided playing with me was perfect revenge? Accepting dinner only to humiliate me by ignoring me and choosing to talk about that Spencer guy? Is he in on it or something?"

Oh. My. God.

Reid was right, this man was not looking to mend old friendships or start a new chapter, he was looking for a mistress.

"You, are the worst type of jerk I have ever met. I actually believed you wanted to be friends, to turn the page but all you wanted was to get in my pants." She stood, grabbing her drink and spilling it over him. "I hope I never see you again. Go fuck yourself Tyler." She walked, but before she exited the restaurant she returned and gave him a fake smile, "and also, Thank you for humiliating me in front of my family, you showed me how little you were and that I could do so much better. Say, an FBI agent with an IQ of 187." Once again she turned and this time she didn't even bother looking back.

The drive to her apartment was long, mostly because she didn't drive there, but to Spencer Reid's home. She felt her palms sweat, she hated admitting she was wrong, but she hated not having Spencer around much more than a bruised ego. She knocked on the door and Spencer opened, he looked confused, but as soon as he registered her in he simply raised an eyebrow and changed his confused demeanor to a completely neutral.

"I came to tell you that you were right. He just wanted to get in pants." There was no response, and she fiddled with her hands. "I actually thought he wanted to apologize, and I think part of me just wanted to believe that for the first time I was not being used, that people actually cared about what I felt."

"There are people that care about you, they are just not the wants you wanted to."

"No, they are! I thought I needed the people who wronged me to fix it, to show me that I was worth the trouble when in reality all I needed was for me to understand that I was. And I just needed a reminder that the people that care about me are the ones that should matter the most." A trace of a smile formed on his lips. "I am so sorry about how I acted, and I am sorry I left you here waiting for me. Spencer Reid, you are my best friend and you come before any other jerk out there. I need you to know that this time in which I didn't have you with me was miserable. I missed you so much I spent the whole dinner with Tyler talking about you."

"You did?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, I did. I missed you, and I hope we never fight again, I don't know what I would do without your friendship."

"I missed you too." She bit her lip, and he smiled. "Wanna come in and watch TV?"

"I would love that."

"That's good to hear, I am trying to get Spence here to watch Dance Moms with me but he refuses, maybe if there is two of us, he'll change his mind." A voice inside his apartment spoke. He opened the door to reveal Emily Prentiss wearing Pjs with The Hunger Games symbols on them. "May I say, you look hot. Blue suits you."

"So I've been told."

"Are you sure you can handle being in that close all night though? Maybe Spencer can lend you one of his shirts." She said, winking at them.

"Has she been drinking?"

"It's her third bottle of wine."

"We need to cut her off."

"Yeah, we do." He smiled at her, "She's right though, if you want to borrow something more comfortable let me know."

"Careful Spencer Reid, I might take you up on that."

"Awwww, YOU TWO ARE ADORABLE!" The woman screamed. "Just get married already!"

The pair laughed and made their way to the sofa, she closed the door behind her and sat down, feeling whole for the first time this week. Emily and Spencer were the best friends a girl could ask for, and she couldn't think of a better way to spend the rest of her night than watching trash TV with the two of them as they laughed and joked.

It was home.

#spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #cm

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afoxysunny · 4 years

Text

Jives as High Duke

So Jives gets a second pick and oh my G did i struggle with choosing this one. In the end I'm pretty happy with the decision to give him the Monkey Miraculous

The whole story for how he ended up with having to pick a second time is already on the post about Stingy, who gets the Turtle from Jives, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much

So here are the references for this design

This design came out a lot simpler than it probably should be considering that it's based on the Chinese Monkey King but Jives isn't one for overly flashy and elaborate costumes in my opinion

Also, yes, again, his eyey should be blue but making colour changes to coloured pencil drawings is really hard, I'm sorry

Again, i just did what felt natural to me and in no time this was the outcome. Conclusion: drawing Jives comes very natural to me and i appreciate him for that

Design Notes:

Chest Pattern - i wanted to make the chest pattern here resemble the one he had as Grinder Turtle, this was also a big factor that sold me on giving him this Miraculous. I just think it looks really cool and it connects the two designs in a vague sense

Beanie - my boy Jives always wears some sort of hat, this is no exception. The Monkey Miraculous is a Crown and here it blends in so it now replaces the brim section of the beanie. On second thought it might be a little basic to choose a beanie but it just really suits him, i couldn't think of a better fit. Especially because it goes along really well with the headshape of the monkey i based him on

Toque Macaque - I'll be real with you, I'm not a huge fan of monkeys which makes them one of the few animal species i don't love and also makes the biggest reason i wasn't immediately happy to give my dear Jives this Miraculous xD I'm shallow i know. Anyways. I may not know a lot about monkeys but i knew enough to pick this macaque because the colours go well enough with the Monkey Kwami Xuppu and i liked the markings it has. [coicidentally this specific kind, the Toque Macaque, happens to share its natural habitat with the peacock ;)]

Tail - on his back you see how the rope detailing from his chest and pants combine into the belt and eventually the tail. I wanted the markings to kind of resemble a harness for climbing, i don't think it comes across too well though

Hair - the little bit you can still see of his actual hair coincidentally blends in almost seamlessly with the colour of his costume, that wasn't planned but i like it a lot

Reasoning:

At the point in time where i made the decision that Stingy would take the Turtle Miraculous from Jives i already had most Miraculous assigned to most other characters, in fact i was only really missing one for Ziggy. So spoiler alert i guess for him. I fudged around for a while between the Mouse and the Monkey, both would've worked well with either but in the end settled on the Monkey for Jives for multiple stupid timy reasons. For example the chest pattern i already mentioned, my ship-trash side going "a monkey and a peacock fit together way better aesthetically than a mouse and a peacock would", he and Xuppu would have a funny bro dynamic together etc.

Story:

I already explained why and how Jives loses the Turtle Miraculous to Stingy in my post about the latter so I'll just give a short summary here before moving on

As per usual Jives didn't eat much throughout the day and ends up fainting. This time it's a much bigger deal though. Usually he doesn't actually fully faint, just sway a little, maybe collapse but for the most parts he stays conscious just really weakened. That day the team of new heroes is fighting an important battle when he full on passes out in the middle of it. Luckily Stingy is able to step in to build their defense up again.

Obviously, instead of saying "i eat as little as possible because i have a problem" Jives just shrugs it off and goes "guess i didn't eat enough again, my bad guys, sorry" and thinks it'll be fine. He didn't expect Álfurildi, aka Sportacus, to take this very literal and announce that he planned on having them eat in his airship as a whole group anyway gor team moral and to make sure they're all healthy enough to actually handle a Miraculous. They deduce that must have been the reason Jives full on fainted this time, while going by his usual life he obviously didn't need as much energy as he now needs to be a superhero so the simple solution is to just eat more.

He makes excuses to not eat with the others as often as he can but one day he'd have to actively leave the others to do so as he already is in the airship with them when they start preparing to serve the next meal. That day he actually snaps at Sportacus that he just doesn't want to eat. Unfortunately, thanks to being such a gentle soul and also sensing Jives frustration and hunger Sportacus tries to comfort Jives with the worst thing he could've said. "heroes gotta eat well, so you can become big and strong" to which Jives absolutely loses it. He snaps at him "I'm already too big without eating anything, can't you just leave me alone!" and just jumps out of the airship. By now he already has Xuppu as his new partner so of cause he makes it down unharmed to run off into the forest. Sportacus wants to follow him but Robbie stops him. Robbie, who so far was pretty quiet and reclusive when the teens came to visit, says he will go find and talk to him taking Pixel with him as he is his best friend after all.

I'll spare you the unnecessarily details i cane up with and just say this is the moment Robbie gets to explain how the powers i gave him work and we get to see that he does really deeply care but just can't really express it. They find Jives and thanks to Robbie being able to relate to him about some of his insecurities and Pixel being a great friend he ends up confessing to them about his eating disorder. He never wanted to be the odd one out but never managed to fit in with the others. It's hard to hide you're different when you're towering over your peers so he figured if he just stopped eating he'd stop growing and though it had no positive effect on him he just couldn't stop doing it even after realizing how bad it had gotten.

Going back to the airship together once the situation calmed down a bit and with Jives' permission they let Sportacus in on this secret. As Robbie figured, the local health expert knows exactly what foods wouldn't upset such an empty stomach too badly and they start the process of finding a few good things for Jives to eat so he doesn't break down again.

Name:

Quick, something more lighthearted

When Jives gets his second pick for a Miraculous his eyes fall on the little Monkey, Xuppu. The two pretty quickly get along thanks to Xuppu being a jokester and Jives liking how bro-like they can talk and poke fun at each other. This turns out to be a great pick as this Kwami of Jubilation not only like shouting random noises around just like Jives but is also sassy and straightforward enough to remind him to eat every once in a while by poking fun at him using something Pixel once said to him "I'll not let you eat less than the Kwamis" (yes this part should've technically been in the reasoning section but you kinda need the context of the story for it so i put it here)

So Trixie explains that Xuppu's transformation and powers are based on the Chinese Monkey King (she knows that from the Guardians) but Jives really isn't one for flashy costumes and important titles so not only is his costume more basic than it probably should be but also he wamts to name himself "Duke". Stingy immediately objects "A duke is about as royal as a prince! You're completely underselling this concept. You have to trade with me! You get yoir turtle back. Let me be King!" Xuppu and Wayzz look at each other and roll their eyes, Xuppu then steps floats forward to say "well, he's not entirely wrong. Wouldn't you like to pick something higher?" so Jives chuckles and goes "High Duke". Again Stingy is outraged by this disrespect "that's ridiculous!" but Xuppu laughs and says "no, i like his style! Let's do this!" and so their new duo is established

Look, don't judge me, everyone headcanons Jives with growing not all legal things in his garden so now that he's actually a teen in my au I'm keeping it xD

Thank you so so much for reading so much of my rambling. You're so cool for taking the time to read this!

#Lazytown #miraculous ladybug #Lazytown au #Miraculous Lazybug #revive the lazy #jives junkfood #maggi mjói #Xuppu #Eating disorder #mentioned

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weathernerdmando · 4 years

Text

another queer Christian topic post, sorry if I'm annoying anyone

But I was thinking about how things have changed since I realized I was queer, especially in regards to how I've viewed myself.

So interestingly, and I suppose it's not surprising that I was as raised in a Christian household. Well, we went to church, and said we were, but sometimes, my mom especially, didn't line up with that. Not really sure where that leaves me, but basically I grew up going to church. I went to a private Christian high school too. I really "chose" to be a Christian around 15? Became a believer and all that? (honestly it's weird to say because I have seen the hurt that's caused by people in the church and people who say they're Christians to queer people like myself? So...yes, technically we have the label Christian in common but ...yeah. (again, not wording great sorry.).)

I went into private Christian high school Good Christian straight, cis girl and...not really that great an ally or anything. I didn't "hate" queer people, I just "didn't condone it" (even though I kind of envied queer people when I saw them. ...Yeah. It's fun growing up in that kind of environment /s.) (obviously it's different now cause I know I'm queer.... And I don't think I said anything aside from at home but for all I know I'm forgetting about soemthing.)

I graduated still Christian but trans, nonbinary ace and arospec and with a completely different belief set than I went into 8th grade/high school with.

Anyways, onto my actual point.

So I think I've always somewhat struggled with depression, not necessarily because I'm queer but just ...other things? Like because I'm neurodivegent I got ostracized a lot and school and that really screwed with my self esteem. And I sort of got better about it when I found the autistic community and the neurodivegent community, because I was able to accept and celebrate the parts of me that were seen as bad by a lot of society (I made very close friends during this time too, for the first time, whom I'm still friends with today).

How does this tie into me being queer and Christian, you ask?

Well, a) for me, believing that my neurodivegence is a deliberate act of creation and loved by God is uh, pretty amazing to me. I was able to...have a defense? Be less hurt? Heal? (I'm not wording great, sorry) against the self hatred and bitterness at times of being me. Instead of seeing it as a burden to deal with I was able to celebrate.

And...this might sound odd, but even with that, even having that piece slot into place, I still couldn't....quite fit all the pieces of me.

I didn't resent my neurodivegence anymore, but I still didn't actively like other parts of myself. It was very hard/nearly impossible to.

Long story short, I discovered the word ace and any change of me being straight was out of the closet window. It settled a huge part of me, I wasn't quietly resenting the eventuality of living the expected straight cis marriage and I was relieved that I wouldn't have to. I respect those who do and can but.. I can't and couldnt then.

I figured out I was trans and...it feels like the pieces have settled.

I'm at peace with who I am, as odd as that might sound. And that includes the label queer and Christian.

Sometimes I struggle with self esteem and stuff still, yeah, and there's times where I get ...it's probably depression, hoenstly, but I've never had it diagnosed, so...y'know, but it's not tied to being. Different or broken or needing to be fixed. I mean, I heard how I'm not broken in church and when id read the Bible, and that I'm loved as me unconditionally, but it wasn't...believable until now I guess. I needed the pieces.

(and to the bigots that might come on this post saying "hate the Sin" or whatever else y'all might come up with: you want to know how much I prayed and researched and read? A lot. You want to know what this Did help with? Helping me build my faith individually. Contrary to me "rebelling or whatever": I'm not. I"m trying to live my life as I believe God wants me to, and that is, from everything I can tell, as me as queer. :))

Just the... viewpoint of myself has changed as I've accepted myself and I think it's really cool? And I'm just kind of here existing as queer and Christian and seeing how it goes.

#cw religion #religon mention #queer christian #trans christian #personal shit

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mama-ghostie-61542 · 3 years

Text

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rating--M++ for language and themes

If you recognize it--IT AIN'T MINE

Sorry for OOC-ness

Chapter 6

Wolf

As I awoke the next morning, I could not help the happy feeling that pervaded everything. After the craziness of getting the kids around to go with their father for his weekend, I sat down to meditate before I cleaned my house.

I wafted the cedar and sage smoke over myself, clearing the air and myself of all negative energy. I sat there for almost an hour before whispering, 'Morning, Sweets.' Then, I got up and went to grab a shower.

I could feel eyes on me.

'Hello, Darlin'. How was your day?'

'Fuckin' crazy,' came the reply. 'So far, it has been a mad house and we aren't even at the show yet. I will let you know when we finish up; cool?'

'Ok, Haka. Talk to you then,' I whispered to him.

His spirit seemed to sag against me for a moment before he whispered, 'I love you, Ghost. Remember that,' he sent as he caressed my face. 'Always have, always will. The distance and these crazy schedules could never change that.'

'Sweets, you know I love you. You also know, you don't need to tell me, I already know. I know you need me to be steady when your schedule is crazy like this; to be the one constant point in all the crazy.'

I could almost feel him nod on my shoulder, before the feeling of being enfolded into his strong arms came over me. There was peace and contentment in that space.

Kihyun

The show that night was crazy! All the amazingly pretty girls, and the only one on my mind was half a world away. Sometimes this connection sucks. I feel so alone sometimes. But tonight, there is excitement, adoration, and pride coming from our thread. I could not help the smile as we left the venue.

There was a girl that was right by stage left. I am pretty sure she tried to flash me a few times, but, as per normal, all I could think about was her.

Then, I caught up with the conversation going with the boys.

"Did you see her rack? Good Lord," Honey giggled.

"I know. Those were huge," chuckled HyungWon. "Death by tittie"

"Where was I," I asked, oblivious.

Min replied, "You were on the other side. You didn't see the size of those cocomelons."

"Those things were big enough to have their own post codes," Changkyun laughed.

HyunWoo grinned, then suddenly jumped and grabbed his ear. "Ow." He looked at me. "Control your woman; think she just flicked my ear."

Suddenly the words, "Diving Swan," were whispered on my cheek.

I grinned. "I'm sorry, Ducking Swan. I'm too far away to control that."

"Oh, God. Don't call me that. Who told you that name? And it's Diving, not ducking."

"What were you thinking of to make her mad, anyway?"

"Suffocating in tatas," he chuckled. "It'd be a lovely way to go."

"Wonder how many words there are for breasts, in the world," Changkyun mumbled.

Honey laughed, "Almost as many as folks who dream of dying in them."

Four hands shot up.

"Yes, Please," Min laughed.

"I'm game," HuyngWon grinned.

It was all I could do to laugh.

Min smiled at me, "We all know, you are in lurve."

Honey smacked Min's arm, "Don't talk about our sister like that, Moron."

"I'm in lurve," chuckled Swan.

"You are not," I laughed. "That's those microwaved burritos you insisted on eating. Nasty things. What you are feeling is decidedly further south."

Changkyun giggled, "And could probably be cured with some Pepto."

We all lost it laughing.

We got back and all split off to go wind down in our own ways. I started to meditate, I tapped our thread. I tried several times to get her attention that way.

She was working again.

As I settled in, I decided to try something else. I saw her working at the sink, her dress showing off those broad but feminine shoulders and her delicious back. I wanted, so much, to pin her to the counter and have my way with her. However, I opted for a more seductive approach. I gently caressed my knuckles up her spine, beginning just where her dress stopped and ending where her spine and neck met.

She shivered.

"Good night," She asked.

'Hmm,' I agreed. 'Would be much better if I were home.'

'Or if I were there," She whispered.

'If you were here, I would be getting told to quiet down already. It would be my goal that everyone on the block knew who's cock was deep inside you, touching all the right spots.'

'You are such a fuckin' tease, Haka.'

'It's only teasing til I get home. After that, it's a guarantee.'

'Go shower. Raincheck,' she sighed.

I knew what she meant. I had smelled it on her a week prior. She smelled like tasty, delicious things that I just wanted to eat up.

'Raincheck,' I agreed, as I dropped my head to her shoulder, then held her for a moment.

I went to my room and piled up my pillows to read for a bit.

Post-Christmas 2019

Bryn PoV

At midnight, the phone rang. I picked it up expecting a normal call but found my little brothers face smiling at me.

"Sissie! How was your Christmas!? Sorry. Schedule was crazy."

"All good. Don't worry about mine. How was yours," I asked.

Although I was tickled to talk to him, I knew that sooner or later, he would find out; that he would be able to pull the truth out of me and it would kill me all over again.

"What did you get this year?"

I sighed. "Don't worry about what I got. What did you get?"

He looked at me for a minute and then smiled sadly. "I got an amazing pair of handmade convertible mittens from my awesome big sister," he said softly. "Bryn," He started," What did you get?"

"Don't worry about what I got," I replied.

Joey's eyes narrowed as he looked at me for a solid minute before he spoke. "He didn't get you anything, did he?"

"Joey," I sighed while looking away.

"I'm only gonna ask this one last time. What did you get," he asked again, his dark eyes boring into mine.

I sighed and looked away so I didn't have to see the disappointment on his face. "A sweater I made and some pencils I bought."

He groaned and leaned forwards on his elbow, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Don't lose your temper, Joey."

"I won't," He said. as he sat back. "He isn't worth it. But, dammit you deserve better than that. I won't yell or scream, but he did piss me off. Sis," He started, then shook his head as he collected his thoughts, "He refused to get your teeth fixed until it almost killed you. I'm just upset that he doesn't seem to care. You deserve better."

Just then, I.M. popped up behind him. "Hi!"

"Heya, Kiddo," I replied as he glared at I.M.

I.M. smiled and took a deep breath, then held his nose and acted like he was going under water.

"What was that all about," I asked.

Joey PoV

"I don't know. I don't think I want to know," I answered as I held my hands in my lap, picking at those gloves. "Sis, you really need to leave." I hoped the sincerity I felt could be seen. It bothers me that she does so much and never gets any thanks for it. I mean, I wish she would have left last year, when she was sick and his friends were more important than taking care of his sick wife.

After a moment, she replied, while running her hands over her short chestnut brown hair, "And where would I go? You know I have the shop and the boys have all their services set up here already! Do you have any idea how hard it is to up and run with not one but two kids with special needs," she yelled as hazel eyes caught fire and seemed to burn.

"I don't know," I said, trying to keep my voice soft, "But I know that staying there isn't good for you. You deserve so much better. The longer you stay, the more the memories cut. Then, the more hurt and disappointed you feel. And the more disillusioned you are, the more empty you feel."

It was at that split second that she looked at me and I could see how hollow she looked. Like the fire that kept her going was suddenly extinguished. I felt myself start to choke up. It was like watching the strongest person you know, die a little.

"I'm sorry, Sis. I will talk more later," I said as I felt the tightness in my chest. It wasn't just the anger at his treatment of her, but her defense of staying. It was watching the assbag slowly killing my strong, brilliant, big sister by a million papercuts and being powerless to stop it.

"Later, Joey. Love you."

"You too, Sis," I sighed as I hung up.

I walked out onto the terrace of our dorm, sliding into my coat as I went, and sat in the only chair that was obscured from view. I sat there trying to get a handle on how I felt when a hand closed over my shoulder. I looked up behind me to see Minhyuk there and moving around to pull up a chair.

"Everything ok?"

It was all I could do to shake my head.

"Tell me," He prodded.

Sitting there, I tried so hard to hang on to my temper, before yelling, "That fuckin' rat bastard forgot her again!"

He pulled back a little as his eyes got wide. "Wow. Tell me how ya really feel."

I was soo beyond mad that I stood up and punched a wall, bloodying my knuckles on the brickwork. But before I could hit it again, Hoseok, who just happened to be visiting, grabbed my arm.

"Whoa. What is the matter? What did the wall do?"

"The wall didn't DO anything but it was there when I lost my temper."

Suddenly, Kihyun was behind me dragging/pushing me inside, while yelling at HyunWoo for help.

"We need to get your knuckles cleaned up and bandaged before they get infected. What the hell possessed you to coldcock a brick wall, anyway," Kihyun went off, all while glaring at me in between pouring the peroxide over the back of my hand. "You could have broken your hand. And then you may have gotten dropped! God knows they are looking for any fucking reason this year."

"The douche left her high and dry on Christmas, KiKi. Completely fuckin' forgot about her," I growled, in English, from behind HyunWoo, who was holding my arm steady over the sink.

He suddenly stopped pouring as his head snapped up at me. "You're kidding?"

I shook my head, "Wish I was."

His eyes seemed to suddenly burn with anger. Before anyone could stop him, he dropped the peroxide bottle in the sink and took of at a dead run out the door. He didn't bother telling anyone where he was going. Hoseok found him 3 hours later, sound asleep and still sweaty, collapsed by the heavy bag in the weight room.

Kihyun

I was so mad, I didn't even know where I was going until I walked into a heavy bag. Then, for the next hour, I proceeded to beat the hell out of it, stopping intermittently to scream profanity at said bag. As all the rage burned out, I collapsed to my knees. I could feel how hurt she was. But in that moment, a wave of exhaustion washed over me and I let it take me.

I was suddenly in an art gallery. The whole exhibit was eyes. They looked familiar. It dawned on me then, that all these eyes were mine. They had been hand drawn, on parchment with ink, on canvas with paint, and on card in graphite. I walked over to the woman in the crowd and instantly recognized her. There she was. The woman in all of my dreams. Her long, chestnut waves, heavy and thick, fell around her face and over her shoulders, only to continue down her back until they almost touched her ass.

I cupped her cheek and moved in to kiss her when I heard her voice behind me.

"Wow. I forgot how pretty I was at 17."

I jumped back. "17," I yelled before turning around."

My Ghost, with her short buzz-cut with sparkles stood there, looking at the construct of her younger self. She sighed, "Yep. Back before I traded looks for brains," and then shuffled over to a barstool in the corner. "The older I get, the more impatient I get. The more impatient I get, the more cynical I get. Then, the more I wish I was still her," again she sighs as her shoulders slump and she sits with her head in her hands. A soft sob escaped her lips before she continued, "Maybe then, I could just stop. Stop seeing you everywhere. Stop dreaming of your eyes. Stop seeing them in my coffee. Stop feeling them on my back," she sighed as tears tracked down her cheeks. "But the shitty part is; if I stop dreaming of you, they win. The demons win, cause then I will have nothing left. You have always been the one the others were judged against. You were my anchor, my lighthouse; the beacon leading me home. The one person in the world who can handle me when my temper gets the better of me. The only one who can keep me together when I fall apart.,"

Then the pictures changed.

"And there are all my mistakes," She whispered as she walked past me, to a table in the middle of the room. On said table, there were several bottles of alcohol and a sack of smoke. "Yep. ALL of my mistakes, every single one lied and said they were you. So, I found a way to cope,' she said as she turned to walk away.

"Wait," I yelled as I grabbed her arm, sliding my hand down to her wrist.

"Haka, you are everything I could have wished for, did wish for. But, I am no good. I am too broken for an angel like you. Too beat up for a king."

"Too beat up? Too broken? Wolf, you don't understand. I will NEVER give you up. I will NEVER give up on you. Trust me when I tell you this, Baby. I love you. I will ALWAYS fight for you. Even if I am fighting you for you," I said as I pulled her into me. It tore me apart to see the tears in her pretty eyes. Did she know how those eyes had haunted me, tortured me. "Hear this now, Wolf," I said as I cupped her cheek and tipped her face to look at me. "I will find you. I promise you that. Just please, please, don't give up on me. I know it's hard to walk by faith when you are losing hope. But, Mami, please, PLEASE don't give up on me. I know, I have been the worst kind of asshole, making you wait, but I can promise you that I will happily spend my life making up for it," I said as I held her close, the top of her head just under my eyes.

It hit me then, that she fit perfectly in my arms. "And anyway, Baby, you were made for me."

She chuckled, "Nah, Babe, I think you have that a little backwards."

"Semantics," I whispered as I hugged her tight and buried my nose in her hair, filling myself up with her smell. "Never forget that I love you; heart and soul. You light me up in ways no woman ever has. And if you need me to be your lighthouse, your beacon; then I will gladly do just that. But, don't give up on me. Please don't give up on me. I love you, Wolf."

"Love you more, Haka."

I woke up in my own bed with HyunWoo looking at me like I was dying.

"What happened," I growled.

"You had us worried. It took us three hours to find you. Honey thought you were on a plane."

"I wish I was. Now really, what happened? The last thing I remember, other than dreaming of my Queen, was Honey saying something about," I trailed off. It hit me what had happened. He told me that she had been neglected again, and I saw red. "Nevermind. Go get Honey."

He settled himself on the edge of my bed in less than two minutes. "Well, hi there. Have a nice nap?"

"Shut up, cheese weasel," I growled. My eyes were closed, fighting both the migraine and the memories.

"Would a cheese weasel remember to bring you two aspirin and a water? Answer, no. I already talked to Sis. Somehow she got it in her head that you are better off without her. Wanna tell me how that happened."

"No," I groused as I took the aspirin.

"Too bad. Tell me anyway."

I explained the whole thing to him, before letting him see.

"Uhhh. You do realize that there was one very large unfinished portrait, right. It looked like an ungodly mish-mash of styles, more or less. It cleared up by the end. Do you know what that means? Also, do you know who or what she meant by 'demons'?"

I shook my head, and instantly regretted it, "Not sure about the portrait. To be honest, I didn't even see it. But, the demon is her mother and all of her venom and toxicity."

He sighed, "Means she only sees herself clearly through your eyes. Did you know that she knows where you are because you shine this bright light."

"I told her I would always be the beacon guiding her home."

"Dude...Only gonna say this one time. Get my Sister the hell outta there."

I turned the page, only to find the chapter finished. Sitting on my bed, I thought about what she had written. It was nearing midnight, and I thought about pulling out the next chapter.

But before I could, I felt her through whatever our connection is.

She kissed my cheek, softly, and whispered, 'You should be in bed, my love.'

In that instant, I would have given anything to be able to cuddle up with her for a bit. I could almost smell her skin on my pillow. It hurt to know that she was so far away.

A part of me worried that she hadn't taken breaks while writing, I know how she gets. If she is working on something, it has most of her focus. She forgets to eat and get the boys on their homework.

A/N--Edited. Dates are off vs. original work.

#original writing #my writing #original story #twin flames #twin souls #soulmates #soulmate #soul mates #soul mate #astral travel #soul projection #fanfic #fan fiction #monsta x fic #kihyun fic

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