#anyway god damn it fuck off why are people fucking like this

[gender-euphowrya]

when one of my ex-fav youtubers replies to a comment i made to address him casually dropping n-slurs saying i don't know what lead them to this but it's not right and all he's got to say to me is "i had covid"

#man come ON #his apology vid is bullshit too it's just ''lol cancel me idgaf y'all are sensitive'' but faux-verbose #anyway god damn it fuck off why are people fucking like this #ephemeral rift btw fyi if you care #like i didn't expect a long and deep essay written for Me Specifically in response to what i said to him but #you're gonna take the jokey route ?? when i'm telling you i'm outski from your channel because you've been racist??? #like it's some serious shit it was n words AND diminishing the horrors of the holocaust #that's not just a oh oopsie teehee moment that's straight up some mask off shit #keep your fucking covid then for all i care ffs dude #i'm gonna miss margaret more than i miss you

[ruffgem]

group work is Not It. I should have known better than to enroll in an engagement course that involves planning workshops with a group of other students……. guess who is doing all the work! :^) Back in tha day my teachers called me a ‘natural leader’… fun fact!!!! I am actually not! I do not like being in charge! it is actually just that people take advantage of me! Hope this helps

#God. I wanted to take the class so bad bc it’s about the history of art in prison systems #and it involves a weekly art workshop in a prison #the group that runs it is pretty blatantly abolitionist and partially run by formerly incarcerated ppl #so it’s made pretty clear that we're not ‘teaching’ art bc thats weird and enforcing a hierarchy if ur a 'teacher' #its more like a way to get materials inside and basically hang out with and make art alongside incarcerated ppl #under the guise of ‘volunteering’ as the dept of corrections labels it #anyway that’s all off topic but basically I am doing all the fucking work lmao we’re supposed to go in for the first time tomorrow and #my group members suck shit at communicating and the person who’s supposed to drive is like radio silent whenever I ask #where we should meet and shit #FUCK!!! I hate logistical shit like this #its taken us a million years to get cleared by the system (on purpose i stg) so its literally midterm time and we havent gotten in yet #i swear if our first one gets jeopardized by this girl who refuses to check her damn texts or emails or even come to class im gonna be so #pissed. lmfao #goddddd this is giving me flashbacks to when i took the class where we were supposed to do workshops at an elementary school #different vibe because in that scenario it was definitely supposed to be educational and we lowkey were 'teachers' #but my classmates also didnt do shit and i also ended up doing literally everything #WHY TAKE A CLASS LIKE THIS IF U DONT WANNA DO IT LIKE SERIOUS QUESTION #maybe they just want to put it on their resume LOL #they need a vetting process for this class i stg like interview these bitches before they enroll #cuz some of these people fr do not care

[sapphicdib]

.

#i think this is just my irritability from my meds #so i’m putting my rant down in the tags #im going to delete this later but i just needed to get this out bc i’ve seen it quite a few times now #but if i see one more fuckin person say something along the lines of ‘stop drawing the iterators/slugcats in this way because it’s boring #or wrong or doesn’t match up with MY HEADCANON’ #im gonna fucking lose it. if you want to see slugcats or iterators drawn how YOU like them. why don’t YOU draw them. or YOU pay other #artists you draw them for you? #the fact that some people are so god damn entitled to fanworks that passionate people are making FOR FREE #this isn’t about any of my followers or anything and i block people who say shit like that on sight but for real. #your interpretations of characters and designs are not the end all be all. i interpret sigs shape language as pointy! a lot of the fandom #sees her as square! you know what i DONT do? make posts about how artists should stop drawing him square #you know what i DO do? draw her pointy MYSELF! #i’ll delete this later bc it really doesn’t matter and it’s NOT directed at any of my followers or moots it’s just a general thing ive seen #you do realize that most of what we have to go off of are 10 pixel tall muppets right. #going crazy stupid with designs is FUN! im beginning to think some of y’all take this shit WAY too seriously lmao #anyways.

[chaosinstigator]

if y’all love and appreciate daniel's input on the team so much... why not repay him in the form of a car he can actually drive

#dr3 #daniel ricciardo #visa cashapp racing bulls #vcarb #visa cashapp rb #f1 #last year he was fucking taken out by other peoples parts on track and so far this year its his own team who claims to work to improve #the problems hes presenting to them only to unlock new ones/other ones instead like #the fuckin floor thing yknow how he prefers to drive by now surely why the fuck would you do this when you know itll make things worse #make it make sense?! #anyways i was happy w peters interview but now im just tired yall cant keep praising him and then pulling this crap do you know how #irritating it is to have to keep reminding people of his technical issues bc they keep happening ofc people are gonna be dicks about it bc #they just want a reason to talk shit they dont bother actually getting into whats going on adsfgh sorry sorry im pissed off actually #barely 5 am and im already fumin its gonna be fun to watch quali ey #joey rambles #i just want him in the fuckin redbull already we know he can drive it we saw the proof last year he can pull podiums with that one GIVE HIM #THE GOD DAMN REDBULL #FUCK

[cosmicdenro]

hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily

#bc i had not used this place in a while until late 2022 ive absolutely forgotten if i used to talk to myself in tags here before or not #i say this bc i now have people who actively see my art here n just throwing random rants here would be very rude so i prefer tags help #feels safer here too LOL #also feels a little scary but im sure that's normal for many that there are ppl who read all tags mein gott #NOT A BAD THING THAT PPL READ TAGS i wouldn't be writing anything if i wanted to kill people for reading tags lol #just stating observations aheem aheem #its like writing on a public bathroom's walls and people passing by to be like “damn bitch ok” /funny #also do not worry at all about how i express myself i do apologize if my words sometimes sound like im on the brink but like #violence is the only way i love to be expressive HELP #watch me be on the government watchlist for the shit ive said gootbyeeeeeeee #but do not feel worried i will be ok eventually every time. sometimes i just gotta explode oh so violently to deflate and feel normal again #WISH I COULD USE EMOJIS ON THIS DAMN PC #anyway the person im trying my damned to avoid is Sure Making It Difficult #at least the people i wanted to know why i was autotune crying baby for a while heard me out n im alive in that regard finally smile emoji #how long can you keep gently hinting you want to distance yourself from somebody until you lose your goddam mind and feel sweet relief when #they actually leave said group themselves after getting my blunt hints help help #oh i sound so fucking rude with just my side but mein gott i don't care bc it was never a serious thing to begin with #just shot my anger thru the roof for good reason and finalliegh im getting mutual distance from that person lol #never get close with ur fave artists worst mistake of my life /hj for real #u start off loving seeing them every time and then boom youre sad how things turned out every time you see them my god #also make sure ur minor friends dont feel like they need to mend things for the adults i feel so fucking sad for someone bc of this rn but #i talked to them n hopefully they understand aouhg. #anyway back to queer posting thats enough soup for today good god #ranting

[pepprs]

prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!

#purrs #just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to #learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels #and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t #mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about #sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to #get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if #anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t #even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself #questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also #means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me #but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to #interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up #every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you #should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt #and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts. #delete later #like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️ #and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖

[milo-is-rambling]

I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day) #(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

[our-inspire-verse]

"That's not how systems work. You're taking this too far. You don't know what its like to feel so out of control, to have memory blackouts, to wake up years later, to have someone in your system grieve someone they didn't know was dead."

Bec. Becayse... hecause i didnt talk about experiencing it? Or. Because i said that i like my system or that i have a majority positive experiences over negative ones?

Because i did. I absolutely have been thru every single one of these things and I've had multiple people talk down to me as if I'm stupid and perpetuating false information, or just simply being super disrespectful. I never assume, i never make blanket statements, and i go forward knowing that everyone collectively is new to studying this stuff in a modern way, though its been around for a while.

All i want is to demedicalize a part of the community (because OBVIOUSLY some will have need for the medical part) and be honest about myself, and listen to others being honest about THEMSELVES.

Systems are. Extraordinary. Every single one of them, and every individual within them. Talk about your experiences, be annoying. Talk too much. Talk only about the good. Talk about how you adore them. Talk about the bad. Talk about any part of it you deem important even if others think its silly, or cringe, or wrong or bad or stupid or anything else. Whatever YOU think of it, it must be.

I promise you aren't the only system experiencing whatever it is you're experiencing and that there is a community for you. Find the people who will listen, and speak.

#system babbles #mild rant? #idk im vaguing again but like. fuck off this is literally my tumblr blog thats what we do here. #we diary post. #im angry still bc im literally going thru some of this system stuff rn like being a system is so fucking hard and their words are ringing in #my skull. from multiple people who decided i was toxic for being myself in this new age. my new way #anyway please goD god damn it like. just be nice fr like wht why why why stopppp splitting yhe community up so much #literally please god damn relax fuck we're all literally just surviving i had such a nice evening with my headmates #we're going the fuck through some stuff rn and we really need our community but we keep. being reminded. of things. #actually plural #osdd system #did #dissociative disorder #system positivity #kinda personal #kinda negative #idk posting bc ✌😚✌ im just really frustrated rn

[theriverdalereviewer]

just remembered how in the sixth grade there was a fucking riot in the cafeteria that ended in the entire grade getting silent lunch for like 3 months

#I think it was 3 months but it felt a lot longer. my god middle school was the school to prison pipeline at its finest #on one hand I think its unfair that we were all punished but to be fair the entire grade participated in this riot. I don't even remember #what we were rioting? I just remember a girl named whitney was involved and 1 thing led to another and whitney ran out of the cafeteria #and THE ENTIRE GRADE WENT AFTER HER 😭. myself included I didn’t even know why either but WE WERE AFTER THAT BITCH 😭 #it was so bad I remember everyone was heading one direction and then everyone started running back the other direction. #and I got knocked down in the process looking back this was really dangerous. but after that we got silent lunch for what felt like forever #like not only were we forced to sit with our homerooms (and some us didn’t even like our homeroom) but we couldn’t even talk to each other #which is honestly not good for socialization?? but again I can’t entirely blame them cause the situation was out of control. #but also shouldn’t the adults have had that thing under control??? anyways the person who ran silent lunch was the vice tyrant dr levine #he fucking hated us like that man was PISSED OFF and he made it clear cause if you made a sound during silent lunch #that man was gonna threaten you with detention extended detention ISS (aka in school suspension) #he didn’t even mean it but it was pretty good for instilling fear in us good kids. but one time I remember there was a kid who didn’t buy i #he didn’t give into levine’s fear tactic and levine started yelling “ISS!! OSS!! EXPULSION!!!!!” like calm down #I feel bad thinking about how so many kids who would ACCIDENTALLY make a sound were punished. and they were so damn terrified #cause it was like you were on your best behavior all of the time and then one noise and suddenly you had an out of school suspension #one time a boy named jc’s phone went off and he picked it up and it was his grandma asking him if he wanted ice cream 😭 no fucks given #and levine was screaming at him to hang up the phone and jc was like “this is my grandmother I can’t hang up" #and there came a time where we were finally off the hook and I just remember people in the cafeteria were clapping 😭 #like this was school sanctioned oppression and we were finally liberated... but then we were back to silent lunch and I don’t even know why #I remember once even I ended up in Levine’s office but I dont think its cause I was talking during silent lunch?? #I think it had something to do with bullying idk?? I just remember levine had my back during it and made the other kid cry and apologize #so shout out to levine. always good times goodbye!

[irlnikeiyomiuri]

i had ONE decent interaction with another person and now i want to ask my friends to come hang out. however, i literally never left my house once covid started, and the few friends/acquaintances i chatted with, as soon as i saw them on person, i very strongly disliked them.

i have one friend.

#puts my head in hands……… #also i think she may hate me. so. :(.- I SAY THIS NOT TO VENT. I DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING !!!!!! #i just think u all need to sympathize with how difficult it is to go find fwends #-oh my god im already facing the adult issue of unable to make friends bc of lack of interaction with others #i. the body is still not close to 18. ….. ………… #gently whacks andrew. damn bitch who did u let take care of this thing why ur life in shambles?? (totally not my fault) #edit. anyways should i reach out to my friend and try to get her to hang out uhhhh… some time later this week ? #or do i try and contact the person i was around the other day. i’ve known her since like 4th grade but idk if i should call her a friend #we had a fine interaction but it was literally like… four hours after my lesson and before her date. and she just wanted to hear about my #trip. which did in fact take four hours to discuss #so it’s like hmmm do i want to be around her for longer in a unstructured setting- #HER STUPID BF IS SO RICH AND ITS SO INFURIATING TO HEAR ABOUT #THEYRE SO WASTEFUL WITH THEIR MONEY ITS INSANE !!!!!!!! #it makes me so like. ticked off. tf do u mean they last-minute booked u a flight across the country so u could come w them #to the fucking PENINSULA UR BFS GRANDMA O W N S. WHAT ??????? #i’m trying to be vague. but this peninsula is in a /nice/ fucking area like if i were to say it y’all would immediately know what i’m #talking about. like uhh. cape cod martha’s vineyard that type of infamy. owns a whole ass peninsula……….. #i HATE IT i HATE RICH PEOPLE !!!

[rottingcompost]

Anyways so I went to a staff meeting at work today because we all had to go, and we all found out that our work place is shutting down. We do have the chance to keep working at bk, but if we want to, we have to move to another city entirely or take the bus or train every single day for hours at a time. Now I dont know about you but I wouldnt move away from all my friends and family to work at a shitty fast food resturant, and I am currently looking for new jobs. Wish me luck. Life just keeps getting weirder and more shitty before it lets me have any sort of break i suppose

#ramblings #how the fuck did it take three years to realize the resturant that hasnt been successful since a month after it opened wouldnt be fixable #im not even mad i just dont get how you can look at a resturant going in the negatives every single month for over a year and has zero (0) #god damn visitors most of the day every single day and still think that you can fix it for three whole years #the resturant has never been successful why would they think they can turn it around after even like a full year of consistent it losing #money for even being open #also choosing to close the resturant during extremely shitty economic times is a choice. #wont affect a big corporation like bk but it will definitely affect the people working there #especially the people working there who DONT live with family or any roommates or anything like that #I thought it was hilarious that several of the people i told to guess what we found out at the staff meeting thought that i had been fired #like yeah. TECHNICALLY THAT HAPPENED. we all practically got fired. because unless we have the money to travel between work and home for #hours on end or we dont want to uproot pur entire lives and move in like a months time then yeah. we wont be able to keep the job lol #at least i can take some comfort in knowing that a majority of the people working there are under 18 and live with family so they wont be #dropped as hard as the older people who live on their own will be (like me lmao) #anyways if someone can either ship me off to england so i can live with my partner or idk find some place that could hire me that would be #nice. im just job hunting now and i will definitely go harder at it now lol #just all i ask for is one singular break for once life... im tired and stressed and in general have been kinda kicked around for a year #just one little break. please

[etherealcockring]

Glad Harry is fucking around and kissing dudes in movies. Was really over every circuit party gay giving their two cents about what queer baiting is and try to explain their own definitions of it while they still have the scent of poppers going through their brains

#like bro idc if you go to them they seem fun if you’re into it #but why is it always the petty party gays who are mad about Harry styles?? #like it’s so confusing use a brain cell or something #care more about the G in lgbtqia+ #like questioning for long periods is valid #unlabeled is valid #queer baiting is bating queer people with promises of (usually) a gay storyline or using queer-ness to sell a product #like Harry has never done that #also Harry has been under the public eye since he was 15 #it’s hard to navigate your own sexuality by yourself let alone when your a teenager and the whole world is breathing down your back #like idk #let him be #you clearly don’t know what wueerbaiting from a straight cis man looks like because it isn’t what Harry is doing. #like go to twitter or tik toks there are TONS of accounts like that. and none of them would ever wear half the shit Harry does #most of you didn’t even figure out your sexuality until your twenties anyway so fuck off!! #god damn!!

[kittyfox]

Hello you beautiful person you!

Here is some old digital art of mine! These are Redraws of some of my old characters. I plan on making a video about my old art since I've constantly been putting it off for years, but I've got to that point of overthinking where I don't care anymore, and I just have to do it. Fuck my embarrassment, fuck my overthinking and worrying, I just need to do something. Cuase doing nothing is what I've been doing for years, and nothing won't get me anywhere.

Also been busy packing and house work since me and my family might be moving, so getting eome art done might take a bit, but I swear it won't take years! I'm trying to post my art now so I can't stop posting for years after posting one thing like I use to, so I swear it's not gonna be years! Maybe a few weeks at most, depending on the art or my personal matters in life.

And, if I take a bit in posting my art, I'll try and interact or talk with you guys instead! Like answering questions...I could have sworn i had like a few other things I was gonna write down that I can do one here, but I forgot...I got to questions and just, poof, all knowledge I have of this app and what you can do one here GONE.

If you do wanna know me, talk to me, or ask me stuff, PLEASE be patient with me. I have a lot of mental problems going on and I might as well have dementia with how bad my memory is, but I'm trying my best with what i can physically and mentally do, so please forgive me if I don't understand some stuff or mistake any sarcasm for you just being mean.

(I'll tell you this now, cuase if I don't, I know I'm gonna overthink, over share, and over explain myself if anyone asks. From what I remember, I have depression, ptsd, autism, adhd, i can't remember shit, I have extreme self hate issues, and extreme social anxiety. I'm sure theirs other things i forgot, but that's all i can remember for now)

#their so bad that i can't live or function normally like other people without a caregiver... #shits embarrassing man... #i know it's not my fault but still... #i hope this doesn't scare yall away or turn yall off from liking my stuff or interacting with me #i swear my communication skill ain't as bad online as they are irl! #despite any typos or misspelling...i swear! I'm just slow sometimes! #anyway...I'm trying to think of funny stuff to balance out the weird seriousness note i left this on... #eyyyy anyone here bi or pan like me 😅👍 #or don't even like labaling themselves? like me as well? ya just like whomever you might like? #did i spell labling right? i don't think i did...and my auto corret isn't sorrecting me #fuck #i just saw my misspelling on the last tab #god dammit >:( #why am i such a fucking grandma on this app #damn you Tumblr! i never knew how you worked and still don't! i don't wanna be a grandma! #still better then Twitter at least

[labyrinthofcrystals]

💎. ┊    thinkin abt when I was into [fandom] & I had a mutual who very openly didn't like it so I asked them if it was okay that I still followed them & they said yes so long as I tagged my shit (which I always did, of course). but then when I asked them to tag their crit posts they said no n started attacking me 🙃 like why did u say it was ok for me to still follow if u clearly had a Problem with it then??? and then they sent other people to harass me too like wtf.

#* mine / txt #they were SO fucking judgemental when they initially asked why i liked [fandom] too #should've trusted my Instincts & blocked when they made that post tbh #''i dont like seeing [fandom] positivity'' then unfollow this blog dumbass?? block the tag hello???? idot. absolute asshat. #WAIT i remember. they did have the tag blacklisted. bc they hated it so damn much. then WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK— #''wish you all the best'' then repeatedly tried to harass me after i blocked them 🙄🙄🙄🙄 #shit like that is why i hate sharing my interests/fandoms/making ''friends'' in fandom #bc the moment someome finds out you like smth ''controversial'' they forget cirtical thinking skills & nuance exist #like shocker! making fun of the ''controversial'' thing that i like wont make me stop liking it. it WILL however make me stop liking YOU. #this was back in 2021 btw im just. venting ig. #i dont even like [fandom] anymore lol i only watched 2 people involved in it anyway #yet that ex mutual acted like i was commiting warcrimes or smth geeze #anyway. reminder that i dont owe u shit! i do not nor will i ''justify'' my interests to you. if you dont like something here then fuck off #sometimes i think im too mean on here & then i remember this happened n im like ''no i should be meaner'' #controversial was probably the wrong word to use it was more considered ''problematic''. not that i ever cared but. yknow #what is it w me & having terrible friendship experiences oh my god. no wonder i dont trust anyone lol. #this is y i dont talk to ppl anymore pft

[jewishrat420]

No one has ever flirted with Steve the way Eddie flirts with Steve.

And it's not like no one flirts with Steve. God, no, it's not like no one flirts with Steve. Steve can't walk into the grocery store without at least three sets of heads turning and focusing all their attention on him.

And he's not even trying to be cocky about it. That's just the reality he was gifted when he came out of his mother's womb looking like the world's freshest Adonis. Honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if they changed the colloquialism to "Steve."

Regardless. For as many people like to flirt with him, make themselves known, filtering in and out of his orbit like willing planets, no one knows quite how to get him going like Eddie. Maybe it's that they're not as confident as he is, maybe they're scared of the rejection Eddie was born facing and will die knowing.

Maybe they're scared of ruining their chances. Maybe Eddie isn't.

For whatever reason, Eddie doesn't seem like he's scared. Even though there was a long time before he knew Steve was bi, was just as into the flirting as Eddie was, even though there was a chance (not like it'd ever happen, but the unknown was there) that Steve could have beaten him up just for calling him "sweetheart," he did it anyway. He got right up into Steve's space, close enough that Steve could get high off the remnants of the joint he'd smoked earlier, and gave him a look that offered everything.

And, God, Steve wanted it. He wanted it all.

And so that began months of what Steve has so aptly referred to as torture. Apt, because he knows what it's like. He has the scars and the fear of ice cream and needles to prove it.

But this... this is a different kind of torture. Mental, emotional, spiritual, whatever you call it-- this is meant to tear him apart from the inside out, meant to make him want to rip his own bones out from his body and offer them to Eddie if it meant the other man making a fucking move.

And Steve would, is the thing. He would absolutely make the first move-- it's what he usually does, anyway, and he's got a pretty damn good success rate for it.

But, for whatever reason, this feels different. This back and forth they have, the constant teasing, the sliding in and out of each other's orbits, unable and unwilling to refute the most fundamental laws of gravity... it's something special, at least to Steve. Something sacred.

Which is why, when Eddie calls Steve "Harrington" for the first time in months, his first response is to pout.

They're about halfway through splitting a joint, the sweet smoke curling around wisps of hair and parted lips and filtering in and out of the holes in their sweaters. The air outside is getting colder, thinner, sharper, as the winter months dreg on. But inside the trailer, it's comfortable and warm. Safe.

Steve's being a bit of a hog, and he's man enough to admit that. But he had a shitty day at work and all he wants is to feel nothing other than the weightless relaxation of a good high buzzing through his bones. Sue him for taking a little more than his fair share of the good stuff, even if it is Eddie's.

"Steve," Eddie whines, reaching his hand out and curling his fingers in request. "Give it over."

"No," Steve responds, just on the edge of whiny. He brings the joint to his lips and takes a long, slow, deep drag, feeling the sweet heat of the smoke burning in his lungs, taking up the space where oxygen should be. He goes a little dizzy with it, feels his eyes lower. "Mine."

Steve can't see it, but he knows Eddie's rolling his eyes. Can sense the shift in the air, can sense every little fucking thing about Eddie at any given moment.

"C'mon, Harrington, you're being a brat."

And, normally, Steve would find another aspect of that sentence to freak out about. Would zero in on the word brat and relish in the flare of heat it sends shooting up his spine like firework sparks. Would squint his eyes at Eddie and tilt his head in the way he knows makes him look good, would give him his cutest little smirk and say, "Who, me?" and would preen in the response it gets.

This time, though, he's much too focused on the other name Eddie used for him. The one he hasn't heard come out of Eddie's mouth since before he realized that Steve was, as he put it, "actually a good dude."

He doesn't realize he's pouting until the sudden silence in the room starts to creep in, make a home in the buzzing in his ears. He didn't realize that he didn't say anything, and neither did Eddie, and now they're sitting in a mess of their own making. Of Eddie's own making, really.

His next words come out without effort, without intent.

"Don't call me that."

He chances a look over at Eddie, at the risk of appearing as vulnerable as he feels, and to his distress, he can't get a read on the man. His dark eyebrows furrow, brown eyes squinting slightly, and his lips part like he wants to speak. He licks them. Steve's eyes follow the motion unintentionally.

"Call you what?" Eddie says on an exhale. "A brat?"

Steve shakes his head. "Harrington. Don't like it when you call me that."

Eddie kind of softens, then, and Steve didn't realize he had stiffened until he isn't anymore. He sort of sinks into the couch, spreads his legs imperceptibly wider, and Steve wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for the way his left knee brushes against Steve's just barely. Just enough for those heated sparks to send a couple pinpricks across his skin.

"No?" he says, looking over to meet Steve's gaze. His cheeks are flushed, whether from the weed or the heat of the room or the heat between them, and Steve's sure that his look the same. "What do you want me to call you, then?"

Steve's definitely blushing now. He looks away from Eddie, tucks his chin to his chest, lets the joint between his fingers burn away. Eddie takes it from him, gently, and brings it to his lips. Steve hears the paper crackling as he inhales.

His voice is quiet, almost meek, when he speaks. It's completely unlike Steve, completely unlike the persona he used to so proudly take on-- but then again, Eddie is completely unlike anyone that Steve has ever met. He's more real, more human, and in turn, Steve is too.

"...You know."

Eddie makes a little noise, then, something in the back of his throat that was born and died within the very same second it was released. Something soft, almost pained, like his body couldn't help the reaction it had to that sentence.

Steve watches the thin, long line of Eddie's arm reach forward and press the joint into the glass of the ashtray. He follows the motion until Eddie's hand settles into the rips over his knee, fingers intertwining with the thread. His pinkie is dangerously close to Steve's own sweatpant-covered skin, and he feels the contact as if Eddie were touching him.

Eddie's hand twitches like it wants to move, and Steve resists the urge to grab it, hold it within the warmth of his own palms.

"Do I?" Eddie says, his voice quieter than it was a moment ago. That thick silence fills the trailer once more, settling in between the soft buzzing of the lightbulb in the kitchen and the muffled humming of the crickets outside. Steve hears Eddie take a stuttering breath. "Tell me."

Steve sighs, feeling his chest burn as his heartbeat picks up. His throat pounds with the pulsing of it. He places his own hand on his right knee, pinkie finger edging closer and closer to the space where Eddie's meets his. Eddie's hand twitches again.

"Like it when you call me sweet things," he says on an exhale, as though getting it out all in one breath would make it easier. "Like how it makes me feel."

Eddie lets out another one of those noises, then, something more like a cut-off groan. His hand curls into the fabric of his jeans for no more than a second before he releases it, and Steve gets to watch as the blood blanches and then returns to his knuckles.

"Sweet things, huh?" he muses, voice only slightly strained. If Steve didn't know any better, he'd say Eddie is nervous. "Like... Stevie?"

Steve hums. "Yeah. I like that."

Eddie's pinkie moves closer. Barely. Imperceptibly, if not for the way Steve is tuned into his every movement, like a dog to the sound of their owner's keys.

"Yeah?"

Steve hums again.

"What about... sweetheart?"

Steve closes his eyes. Lets out a shaky breath, inhales a smoother one.

"Yeah."

Steve feels something brush against his pinkie. Something warm.

"Honey?"

Steve nods, biting his lip. "Mhm."

Eddie lets out a quiet little laugh. "Even big boy?"

Steve returns it helplessly, feels the edges of a smile pulling at his lips. The air feels cold on his teeth, as though he's burning up from the inside out and anything outside of his own body is a cooling salve.

"Especially big boy."

Eddie laughs a little louder, and the jostling of his body brings his pinkie even closer to Steve's. Completely pressed against his own, now.

Steve swears he can feel his heartbeat through it. Or maybe it's his own.

"What about..." Eddie takes a breath. "Love?"

Steve's own breath hitches. He opens his eyes, looks at where their skin is touching in more than one place. He feels it, feels every point of contact where the cells that make Eddie are existing with the cells that make Steve. Wonders, maybe, if they stay here long enough, if they'll merge and mold over time. Become one.

"Yeah," Steve breathes. "I like that one a lot."

Eddie hums, and the room falls back into silence for a moment. Steve's skin burns where their fingers are touching. He moves his hand to the right, just barely, just enough to let Eddie know that he feels it. Just enough to ask Eddie if he does, too.

His response is overwhelming.

Eddie moves his hand to the left, solidifies all the points of contact between them, and Steve feels like he's exploding. Feels like a bubbling pit of lava that's set to burst, to overflow, like it can't hold back anymore. Like it's tried for so long that it's hurting, now, pressurized and boiling and hot, way too fucking hot.

And then, Eddie crosses his pinkie over Steve's, and Steve thinks he's dying.

He takes in a sharp breath like it's the last one he'll ever get, and he doesn't even have it in him to be embarrassed about it. He knows Eddie is right there with him, knows he's not the only one feeling this irrefutable pull like gravity between them. Knows, hopes, it's only a matter of time before they collide.

Eddie hums again. He taps his pinkie once over the smallest of Steve's knuckles, almost like he's making a decision. He takes a long, slow breath before he speaks.

"You know which one's my favorite?"

Steve's throat clicks. "Which?"

"Look at me."

Steve turns his head to the right for no more than a second before Eddie's lips are on his.

It's hungry, it's indulgent, it's immediately addictive. It feels like breathing.

Eddie presses his whole body against Steve's, and he can feel the way his tendons flex where his hand is covering the back of Steve's. Where their pinkies meet, their fingers intertwine and cross over one another like the roots of a tree, their bodies the whole mycorrhizal network.

The next word is spoken against Steve's lips, and Steve can feel the way his mouth forms around it. Decides, from this moment on, that he never wants to hear it another way.

"Baby."

Steve's exhale is more of a moan, a dying sound that, like Eddie's before, lived for only a moment in his throat before pushing through the wall of his lips. Eddie takes it, holds it in his own mouth, swallows it down hungrily and slides his tongue against Steve's as though asking for more.

"That's--" Steve pants, getting his hands on Eddie's hips and pulling until he's seated in his lap. "Mine too."

"Yeah?" Eddie asks, his lips still pressed against Steve's. Their words are muffled against each other, but they don't need to hear them to understand. They only need to feel the outline of them, the shape of the consonants and vowels against and around each other's tongues. They only need to press their bodies together and know, intimately, the meaning in each other's hearts.

"Yeah. Want you to call me that forever."

This time, Steve feels Eddie's laughter against his lips. His chest. Feels it bubble up in the space between his ribs, feels it flow into his mouth like a river, swallows it down like the first glass of water after a run. Feels his own creep up behind his teeth in return, gives it back to Eddie like an offering, who takes it greedily. Hungrily. Gratefully.

"Think that can be arranged, baby."

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steddie headcanon #absolutely no idea where this came from #but it's here #first kiss #mutual pining #flirting #steddie first kiss #teasing #steve harrington is down bad #eddie munson is down equally bad #idk how to tag things

[rissouu]

could you do a plug! eren x reader where eren gets super overprotective 🩷

yesss ofc! im sorry this took a while i just had to get some damn motivation 😭 i been slacking.. my bad pookies!

his hands stayed wrapped around your waist as you walked through the mall, he promised to take you on a shopping spree. and right now the only thing you really needed were shoes— so foot locker it was.

it was like eren could sense all the stares you were getting, in his eyes those tiny ass the shorts you wore barely covered up anything.. (he was just being dramatic, the shorts weren’t that tiny but he still hated them.) he made a mental note to toss the shorts out as soon as you two made it home.

he tried getting you to change before you guys even arrived at the mall, but of course you weren’t going to listen to him— you never did. that’s one of the characteristics he loved about you but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

when you finally reached the famous shoe store, you couldn’t hide your excitement. you’d always been a sneaker head after all, always having the newest pair of dunks or jordan’s, a lot of people envied you because of it honestly, but oh well.

you couldn’t resist snatching out of eren’s hold and practically running towards the shoes on display. the dunks that you’d been wanting for months finally dropped, and you just had to get them before they sold out.

“ma you know how i feel ‘bout you walkin’ off on your own,” he made his way back over to you, annoyance evident on his face. eren hated when you did this, he wanted(needed) to be by your side at all times. why couldn’t you understand that?

“im sorry babyyy, i just really need to check if they have my size!” you bent over to take the shoe off the rack— completely forgetting that your shorts were the type to rise up when you did so.

you didn’t think too much about it and stayed in your current position— throughly inspecting the shoe. the color looked better online but shit, it was still cute.

eren eventually got tired of standing, he knew how you got when it came to shoes. he’d be standing there for a whole damn hour fucking with you, so he just sat down on one of the benches used to try on shoes.

he always got so bored coming to stores with you because you always tuned him out and wandered off on your own. you were addicting to shopping and even more addicted to shoes.. the only thing he could do was sit down and go on his phone, since you’d clearly be taking forever.

you were so focused on the baby blue shoes that you hardly even noticed anyone’s presence behind you, turns out one of the workers had been eyeing you for quite a while now.. waiting for his chance to make a move. your beauty caught him off guard and he knew he couldn’t let a fine thing like you just walk away.

“hello welcome, did you need help with- oh god damn..”

that was enough to finally get eren’s attention off his phone as his eyes snapped towards the scrawny dude licking his lips— enjoying the sight of your shorts working against you.

with a low chuckle your man stood from his seat, slowly inching towards you to make his presence known. he snatched you by your waist— easily causing your form to straighten out. he took his eyes off you for one second and you’re bent over with them little ass shorts on?

he had half a mind to just fuck you right here and now to let all these muh’ fucka’s know who you belong to, but luckily he had enough self restraint.

“i’ll kill you right now man, ion even play like that. better walk yo’ ass on somewhere,” eren slightly lifted his black tee— flashing his gun that was strapped on his waist. he roughly yanked you behind him so the fucker wouldn’t dare to look at you again, and the only thing you could do was let him.

not that you would’ve resited anyway, you loved when eren got aggressive like this (not that you’d ever admit it).

“o-oh that’s you? i apologize i didn’t-“

“’fuck up talkin’ to me yo, you got five seconds to walk away before i put a bullet in you.” one death glare from eren was enough to send the worker running off in fear.

you stayed silent because you knew better than to say anything when he got like this, you were in for it once you got back home.. that’s for sure.

“fuck those shoes, we’re leaving. and as soon as we get in the car i want them shorts off,”

#malora’s works! #req’s 💋 #inbox answered <3 #whewww let me know how i did yall idk how i feel about this #yes this is black/chubby reader but anyone can read #black y/n #chubby reader #black reader #aot x black reader #plug!eren x black reader #plug!eren x chubby reader #plug!eren #plug!eren x reader #aot x reader #aot x chubby reader #aot fluff #aot smut #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger x black reader #eren jaeger x reader