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eldritch-spouse · 2 years

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Breg during the heat (rut?) period?

(Or: how to save your life, a manual in headcanon format)

[Aight, let me get the PowerPoint ready.]

(Minors dni)

TW: Mentions of violence and death, implied dubious consent in multiple sections. Not for the faint of heart.

How to survive Breg's rut!

A barely coherent and tediously lengthy guide by yours truly.

When does it happen?

One every two months babyyyyy. Guaranteed.

You may think that's overkill. And you'd be right! Breg's species, although naturally already considered to be hypersexual, has been genetically engineered overtime via constant artificial hormone tampering, to be even more sexually driven. This was done as a reckless and amoral means to ensure faster procreation of the species stock, by constantly triggering heats in them. What you end up with is not beautiful or easily manageable. This was done without thinking of the consequences, of what would happen if these hybrids one day achieved freedom and mingled with the common crowd- Said crowd being completely unaware of the hypersexualized nature of their newcomers.

If none of this had happened, Breg would have three heat seasons per year tops. Now though? Every two months, he can't escape the inevitable. And he never will until he ceases to be fertile, or experiments with unstable treatments.

How long does it last?

One week. Two at most.

The only good things about these frequent episodes is that they are thankfully not that long. In fact, they're much shorter than the near month-long frenzies his kind endured naturally.

However, the problem here is that it's not nearly as smooth as it should be. Because, you see, heat is already a stressful state to be in, where a lot of bodily modifications take place. Now, what happens if you take these changes that are supposed to happen roughly in the time period of a month, and you stuff them all in a week's schedule? Calamity at its finest. This is why sometimes it may last a little bit more than anticipated, it's a little irregular, given how crazy it gets in Breg's organism.

What are some signs heat is close?

It starts subtly. Pay attention to his priorities. Breg will start dedicating a lot more of his time taking stock of the food you have at home, and likely bugging you to go get more with him. He's going to start eating in stupid proportions. Now, Breg can have a bit of an appetite, but never in this scandalous way. He's shoveling shit down that gullet until he stuffs himself. Think of a bear preparing for hibernation, but the bear is a procrastinator and has to do all that work in like one day. Problem is, since Breg eats way too much, he depletes the supply of food he's working so hard to maintain, hence a cycle is generated. He also hydrates excessively. Now, Breg is doing this as a way to prepare his body, and it's not really a conscious choice- It's impulse, pure impulse. Not only is this "preface" period used to store up energy in his body, it's also very effective in clearing out any sicknesses in the organism.

When heat is close, Breg is relatively easy to deal with. He's low-energy all the time, going as far as to spend almost entire days sleeping. It's only natural, as his body changes to accommodate what's coming. He wakes up only to eat and take care of his other basic needs. The moments where he is actually fully awake are rare and he downright refuses to leave the house or do anything that requires too much focus/strain. Faced with these rather innocuous symptoms, akin to a common sickness really, one might make the mistake of assuming the rest of Breg's rut will be similar. You couldn't be more wrong...

Because honey, from this point on, shit spins 180 degrees in the blink of an eye.

Do they come to you when they know heat is starting?

Only to warn you. He has to. It'd be very cruel of him to not explain to you the absolute madness shit will escalate to. It's a bit hard to take Breg seriously when he's too tired to speak without slurring his words or falling asleep in the middle of a sentence- But I stress that you should pay close attention to everything he says, because he'll give you handy advice on how to make it through his heat mostly unscathed. You should listen, because he's not fucking around. And even though Breg will hesitate to tell you this directly, you are in danger, possibly.

And no, you can't simply distance yourself during this time. Breg would have done that himself if he could. Since the connection has already been formed in his brain that you're his mate, the moment Breg starts going into heat, he will inevitably seek to secure you by his side. He'll hunt you down if he has to, and it's not pretty. You're lucky he's not too ravenously sexual during this preface period. Breg will mostly just insistently make sure you're somewhere in his vicinity, the need to mate comes later.

Does it start suddenly or is it gradual?

Physical changes are gradual, but mood alterations happen basically overnight.

Granted, it could be a lot worse. It starts slow, but consistently picks up the pace from the first day on. What you'll notice right off the bat is the drastic change in Breg's demeanor, which without going into too much detail, flips one eighty degrees. Usually, Breg is a very mellow if not mildly timid monster, and sexually speaking, he is not very domineering either. These traits will vanish as soon as the first day of heat begins, and you'll be faced with a far cry from the breeder you know. This brand new and very much dangerous bravado of his will last for the remaining heat and I suggest you learn how to best deal with it. For your safety.

The more gradual aspect of his rut is the physical one. In fact, while some are blatant, you'll need sharper eyes to see some of the other ones. What you should be concerned with the most at this time is the way Breg's metabolism speeds the fuck up like he's on crack. This is why he's constantly eating and hydrating, it takes a lot for him to keep up with such a maddening, unnaturally exacerbated metabolism. If Breg slacks off too much, he can very well die. He's aware of this because he has seen other males perish from self-neglect during heats. This knowledge only serves to keep Breg more agitated and volatile than he already is, hence more dangerous and less merciful.

Perhaps if his species wasn't as forcefully tampered with as it was, and continues to be, heats would be much easier on their bodies. As of now however, you need to understand that it's a very serious ordeal with a lot of risks and insurmountable discomfort.

Constant need or waves of desperation?

Though there's always a pretty strong buzz of arousal, what you really gotta watch out for are the waves of pure impulse that sort of make Breg jerk to life.

Breg will be in constant need the entire event. His slit will leak for almost concerning amounts of uninterrupted time and he's likely to stay erect for borderline painful periods as well. This obviously causes extreme levels of desperation and Breg will accordingly seek any available methods of relief. However, you're not always being hounded for sex, because this need sometimes takes the background to other instincts, thankfully. Breg will often cease trying to get off in order to consume things, groom himself, posture, arrange the "nest" and inspect random stimulus that sets him off (such as loud unknown noises, which will make him defensive).

Every once in a while, Breg will experience sharp jolts of feverish need. These translate in almost humorous views, such as Breg springing upright and pacing because of excessive body heat. You'll know one of these episodes is starting because he usually chirps or groans at the top of his lungs. He is absolutely uncontrollable in this state and will hunt you down for immediate relief. These are the times where you really must not come off as challenging, Breg needs to feel in control and be under the assumption that you are completely submissive. Otherwise, he'll fuck you far more harshly in an attempt to assert dominance. You cannot hide nor fight your way out of the encounter.

Essentially, you could say Breg experiences both. Which should serve to keep you in the very tip of your toes around him.

Can heat be purposely triggered?

Triggering a heat purposely is possible, but extremely ill-advised.

The only way you can do so is through either artificial hormone injections that jumpstart the process or inducing extreme amounts of stress in him. Obviously, you don't have access to the hormonal concoctions which are given to males at the "facility". If Breg ever notices that you are intentionally inducing stress in him via attempts to enrage or put him in danger, just to trigger a heat from him, he'll be extremely confused. He'll begin having sex with you more often under the assumption that you're just too prideful to admit you want it more frequently, but if you insist, Breg will eventually tell you to knock if off because you have no idea what you're messing with. And he's right, there's no benefit to be gained from forcing a heat.

Natural pseudo-heats can be triggered, if Breg somehow enters a deep panic. This doesn't necessarily mean he'll want to fuck something right off the bat. Say he's in near mortal danger because of a threat, he'll enter a primal level of aggression that'll take time and effort to come down from. Meaning he'll be feral for a good while, and feral males of his species are notoriously sexually aggressive. These periods do not last more than a couple hours and are not nearly as intense and complex as the real deal.

If you work for it hard enough, you can sort of Pavlov Breg into entering sudden quasi-heats on command without much if any external stimulus. Breg will not be one bit happy about the situation though.

What is their general mood?

Temperamental is putting it lightly.

To reiterate, Breg is usually a kind monster at heart and generally being with you puts him in stellar moods, but- You can kiss that sunshine version of him goodbye as soon as heat kicks in, because Breg will turn into one mean motherfucker. Very very very on edge the entire time, super paranoid, way too irritable. Not only is this the product of his aggressively-coded lineage, it's also the culmination of being stuck with other equally aggressive males during ruts, which caused Breg to be in near constant stress and have to fight for his life frequently. This demeanor of his only gets more intense now that he's secured a mate (you), he spends every second just waiting for someone to intrude and challenge him.

You can't snap him out of this mood, and he'll only relax if you do exactly as he wishes. In general, the most you can do to decrease his high stress levels is make sure no one enters the house, stay as close to him as possible even if it seems like he's fuming, and make sure there's always something to eat readily available or he's gonna start hunting. And lord knows what dead thing he'll drag home if left to his own vices...

Submissive or dominant demeanor?

Dominant from beginning to end.

There's no room for negotiation here. As soon as it starts, Breg is on top of everything and you are not, under any circumstances, to challenge his position. Things as subtle as raising your voice to a certain threshold or waving an arm too high will rise aggressive reactions out of Breg, which can range from growled reprimands to full on incapacitation. Do not toy with him, your best shot here is to be pliant, quiet and slow. Don't move too fast, don't scream, never ignore him or his commands.

If you follow those simple rules, everything should be fine here. There's no reason for you to be terrified of Breg, even if he ultimately does become more of an intimidating presence. He's not sadistic and can occasionally relax fully around you. If he notices that you're extremely nervous or afraid of him, Breg will actually curl around you and trill, maybe even shrink in himself a little to seem less threatening.

That being said, sex is no exception. He's on top, he's in charge. This is good in a way, it means he does most of the work and positioning, which you'll be very thankful for when you can no longer move your numb limbs. Any attempts from your part at starting intimacy, even if done in a very submissive manner, will likely be rejected. Breg is not brutal, but he can overlook some of your limits, during which you should either cry or whimper, those responses will always get his attention amidst the concoction of hormones.

Any physical changes?

Not many, and the ones that take place aren't very noticeable. Aside from the blatant change in pigmentation that is, he switches from the white form to the black form in day one.

In spite of how much he consumes and the mess of hormones in his accelerated metabolism, Breg does not exactly "bulk up" during heat. His overall look remains vastly the same. The changes here are dispersed in the details. There will be a large increase in bodily secretions, especially saliva but also sweat- Breg is constantly sweaty yet jarringly cold to the touch (excluding the excessive body heat episodes). His claws gain a negligible length augmentation, his slit is almost always somewhat puffed and slick with lubrication.

What's more interesting here is the noticeable boost in sensory experiences. Breg sees much more sharply, he hears things you can't detect- Which oftentimes leads to him freaking out over seemingly nothing to you. His scenting ability goes through the roof and he is a lot more temperature sensitive than before. Breg is always left feeling cold in this state, so he will hog you for warmth 24/7, which is gross because he's gonna sweat a storm on you. Under the instinctual assumption that you are also freezing, he'll drown you in blankets and trap you in a boiling inferno inside the nest. Which is not a good time if this is happening during Summer.

Any substantial changes in stamina/spent/etc…?

This is basically where most of the physical changes manifest.

First and foremost, Breg is supremely sensitive around this time, any light embrace can make his focus fizzle to nothing. This makes touching him at all a risky act because his arousal will inevitably skyrocket the longer you maintain contact. Nonetheless, play your cards right and Breg will melt. When in angered states, his resistance to pain triples and he does not feel most injuries.

With his accelerated metabolism essentially in emergency mode, Breg will sport a whole lot more stamina than usual, which is really bad news for you because he already outlasts you by a landslide. However, this comes in short bursts, meaning he will collapse after climax and not have enough composure to pull that stunt again for a good while. To combat this, Breg sometimes spends hours having the laziest fucks ever.

You will understand another reason why he eats and hydrates constantly when you feel the ludicrous amount of jizz he pumps inside you. There is no way in Hell a single shot can fit in you. It's just too much, his ejaculation prevails long after Breg's orgasmic high starts to fade, your womb will swell and the rest will make a horrid mess. Breg will actually get frustrated that your body cannot handle the amount of spent he offers, regardless of how much time he wastes trying to keep your legs up or fingering his cum back in.

Do they exhibit impulsive courting behavior?

Posturing is a big part of it, yes.

One of the first things he does is make a nest. This is almost always stationed in your bedroom but occasionally the bathroom as well for some reason. Breg takes every piece of clothing, blankets and pillows he can find, wrangling them in chaotic but somehow still orderly ways to establish said nest. Do not tamper with it until he's done. Any attempt to remove things will not end well for you. After he's done constructing this mess of fabrics and has rolled around in it like a fucking mutt- He'll be hellbent on showing it to you. Because the nest is not for his comfort, it's to impress you into wanting to mate him. I suggest you don't antagonize him much and at least pretend you're awed by his efforts. Breg will continue to perfect it along time, though if you appear reluctant to enter it, he'll steal items he knows you make heavy use of and put them in the nest as a trap.

Aside from that, Breg postures a lot in mostly three ways: One, he will rapidly flicker his skin pigmentation between black and white at you, it's actually a fascinating sight; Two, while he also typically puffs up a little, he's more likely to display his flexibility and height by either stretching out to his full length or curling into a contortionist's wet dream. Again, horrifying but interesting; Three, Breg will emit occasional low trills or either sharp high-pitched chirps- Do not call him a parakeet, he'll throw a tantrum.

Aside from these, he will occasionally dump you in the nest with him and bring various food items, which would be kind of mundane, until he starts touching you while you eat that is. It's a very primitive trick used by males whose females tend to be feisty during heat, distract them with food so that you don't end up mince meat. It's hilarious because you could never put a dent in Breg yet he still instinctively plays it safe.

Bizarre mannerisms?

I hope you're ready to be trapped in a makeshift nest with him, inside a room that's hotter than a sauna. You're not allowed to leave it until he says so. Seriously, he'll consecutively hunt you down if he notices you escaped the perimeter. His entire posturing methods are obviously bizarre to you, given the species barrier makes it hard for you to properly interpret what Breg is signaling.

Mimicry is also to be expected at the very peak of his rut. You see, at a certain point, Breg's brain is just going to be too mushy to prioritize standard social activity and verbalizing will be swiftly nulled. He won't understand much of what you say and he won't be able to answer you. To properly get a message through, you'll have to rely on facial expressions and universal gestures. Breg will pay a lot more attention to the tone of your voice rather than the words themselves. The reason he starts poorly mimicking your speech is to let you know he's always ready to interact with you. Avoid prolonging it or he will assume you want attention. It's kind of funny, because Breg cannot control this at all and you can make him repeat the silliest shit ever. Sometimes speaking excessively will make him nervous, since he can't comprehend what you want, and Breg will start looking for things to shut you up, primarily food.

How conscious/in control are they?

They are fully conscious of what's happening but have very little control over anything. Breg did warn you about all this. It is also a warning not to get too cheeky, because Breg will remember a lot of what went down during his rut, and he'll be able to interpret things you did better.

Self-control is a very fleeting privilege here, Breg may hold himself back in the first day, but he soon becomes a slave to his own lower-brain whims. In a sense, some concepts remain during this time, but only things he has drilled into his own brain over time. For example, Breg more often than not does not attempt to stuff both his members in your body because he has internalized the notion that you are often incapable of welcoming the two without thorough preparation. This does not mean he won't try it at later stages, when he's barely aware of himself. By the time he stops vocalizing properly, you should assume Breg is unable to measure himself at any capacity- And while he is conscious, you are essentially dealing with a stunted shell of a person relying mostly on archaic instincts.

Are there pheromones to encourage potential mates?

Yes. Do they have any effect in you? Nah. But you can still smell the oddly heavy odor they release. In fact, Breg smells fucking awful around this time. It's not like he's been rolling in mud, but the excessive sweating of his crack-speed metabolism creates this suffocating male musk that will absolutely root itself in your home in a matter of days.

Regardless of it affecting you or not, in heat, Breg will still seek to cover you in this scent. It works as a claim of sorts, and it would also elicit some arousal from you if you were one of his kind. Rest assured that the "nest" he fabricated will also be soaked in that smell. Fair warning here, Breg doesn't groom himself enough in this state, so hygiene may become a problem. He will not accept baths and expresses clear distaste when you bathe as well. The only way he'll accept any cleaning is if you do it (be warned, he'll try to get you to lick him) or if you keep him stimulated.

Keep in mind that carrying someone else's smell on you in any way whatsoever is a big no-no during ruts. Breg will get inordinately upset, especially if that someone happens to be male. He'll be very volatile and start pursuing this person after ensuring you are trapped in the nest. Other than that, know that Breg will do disgusting things like rub his cum into your skin or lather you in drool- He encourages you to do the same to him but it's not recommended because it gets him really horny and thus perpetuates the cycle. Fun fact, this type of thing riles him up outside of heat as well.

How demanding is their rut?

Hahahah, you poor thing...

Breg's libido is already a handful to deal with outside of heat episodes, this is basically cranking the notch so far up that it breaks off entirely. Your poor holes don't stand a chance, unless you are clever enough to distract him with less invasive methods. But to be fair, after being with Breg for a while, you'll develop strategies to deal with hypersexuality- This won't be news to you. What is actually demanding here is his shift in attitude. You need to adapt, and fast. Being constantly on your toes is not an easy feat, and Breg's volatile state implies you need to be ready to shift gears at any moment. Dealing with this pussy-drunk horndog and his ritualistic drives will demand a lot of patience, understanding and cleverness from your part. The first heat is obviously going to be the most challenging.

This process is also very taxing on Breg, as you can imagine. He always becomes exhausted whenever a rut is over, his body takes a day or two to fully normalize after such brutal metabolic changes take place. Breg can potentially walk out of this process malnourished or wounded in ways he was not aware of during the rut. To say he dreads it almost as much as you do is an understatement. He's also terribly scared of hurting you in some form or another, or that perhaps his beastly demeanor will make you fear him from then on.

The rut is demanding in a lot of ways, not just Breg's constant helpless search for bodily relief.

How uncomfortable/painful is the experience?

Really depends on how clever you are about it, but there's still a pretty big possibility you'll get physically KOd eitherway. Uncomfortable is a given, soreness and numbness are two things you'll get very familiar with early on, though Breg will occasionally display enough awareness to seek less straining positions or be much slower than desired to avoid further inconveniencing you.

Pain... Well, there will always be a little bit of pain here. Though his slit lubricates excessively, Breg may sometimes attempt to penetrate you much too suddenly. Or he may grip too tight. Biting is common. The pain of climaxing repeatedly is also something to expect at certain points- Even Breg suffers from that one. However, depending entirely on your attitude, there may be even more pain added to the mix. Blatant rejections or attempts to antagonize the breeder will result in the use of force to keep you pliant. And though the objective here is not to maim you, Breg's lackluster self-control might very well end up inflicting injury on your person.

I would say that Breg is ten times more uncomfortable and pained than you though. His body is constantly overheated yet cold, he has to deal with persistent erections that almost make him lightheaded, he's always starving and smelly and sweaty and thinking is out of the question.

How dangerous are they in this state?

Very. There are some pretty serious risks here, including getting your limbs broken or maybe even being fucked to death. Granted, you need to be intentionally cruel to end up dying from this.

It's worth noting that although you will always be in a certain degree of danger, taking things carefully and canceling plans to stay home with Breg will reduce a significant portion of that risk. It's all about timing really, for it to go swimmingly, you'll need to plan weeks ahead.

Here are some tips though: whenever possible, avoid penetration of any sort. When Breg seems dazed by pleasure, try to leverage things in a way where you end up on top for more control over the situation. If possible, remove any slack grip from your body, so as to avoid Breg unintentionally crushing anything. Do not be afraid to use spit to your advantage here, there will be times where natural lubrication is simply not enough.

Most importantly, make sure people don't wander their way inside your home. That's a death sentence to whoever dared go inside, Breg will kill them if given the chance to and distracting him is not worth the risk, lest you confuse his muddled brain and he ends up mauling you instead. He will also be very agitated after the encounter and likely be very rough with you out of possessiveness or jealousy. It's something you should avoid at all costs. If it makes you feel better, Breg is always more dangerous to others than he is to you...

How well can they handle it on their own?

Not well. Understatement of the century, feral doesn't do it justice either. Right now, it's impossible to make him deal with his own heats since Breg will pursue you whenever he's separated from his mate. Nothing can stop him in this state.

Before he met you and subsequently became infatuated with you, Breg experienced heavily monitored ruts inside the facility. These were Hell, he was never allowed contact with any females due to his aggressive nature and spent most of his time surrounded by sterilized walls, strapped to relentless machines where he's drained to a horrid, swollen, numb state. He got neither his physical nor emotional needs met during such a vulnerable time and spent the following days a hollowed out shell of himself. It's safe to say Breg does not want, under any circumstances, a repeat of that torturous treatment. Even if you're being a brat about it the entire time, the heats he spends with you are ten times more normal and satisfactory than the shitshows he endured inside the facility. Knowing the desolate Hell Breg used to live in, it's easy to see how just being in your presence sends him into states of euphoria.

If Breg were not the product of selective breeding and genetic manipulation, withstanding heats on his own would not be nearly as stressful and harrowing as it is. During the first day or so he attempts to stay a certain distance from you. If you hear him scream or banging his head against something, know that's just Breg trying to control himself for your sake.

Do they tend to isolate themselves or prefer to roam?

Isolation. The only way they're willing to burn energy is through fucking your brains out.

Breg plays it very fucking safe. There is no reason to roam whatsoever unless he senses intruders nearby. Besides, he's absolutely unwilling to leave you out of his sight for more than five minutes in total. Yes, he does get antsy from being in one spot for too long, but he refuses to leave the place he nested in. You can try to drag him out, won't happen. Attempt to leave the house yourself and Breg will rope you back inside faster than you can blink. No roaming. Just no. There are other, much more productive, ways to burn excess energy. Isolation and quiet ensures there's way less possibility of anyone noticing the two of you, Breg is expending way too much fucking energy just being alive right now- His body's in emergency mode, he's always hungry, always stupid with lust, that is no condition to pick fights in. Even if he wins (which he most likely would), the damage of putting even more stress on an already overworked organism will leave its mark.

Roaming in itself would tire Breg out too much, aside from making him stand out like a sore thumb that is. In his mind, if someone comes after him when he's in heat, Breg assumes said monster/human will likely be coming for you next. He's very insistent that you stay put in one very specific space, that you stay quiet during nights and never, ever leave his sight. You'll notice he has a lot of ways to mask your presence, rubbing his smell off on you isn't just a claim, it's also a form of suffocating whatever odor you emit.

How do they handle you?

Again, depends on what you signal.

Though it'll never quite be a dignified affair, Breg has the potential to be gentle if you tread lightly with him. An attentive person will easily figure out the mannerisms that seem to pacify Breg the most. A scaredy-cat prone to outbursts will have to smarten up if they wish to make it out intact.

In this state, Breg treats you like a very exotic sort of animal that's fragile yet dangerous and must be supervised at all times because someone'll take it from him if he's not looking. If it weren't for his ceaseless need to be stuffing you in some manner or another and his sluggish thought process, some parts of his rut could almost be considered pleasant. Who doesn't like laying around a huge pile of soft fabrics, just eating and cuddling up to their partner?

If you prove to be docile in his mind, you'll be in for a lot of gentle lazy fucking, sweet nuzzling and honestly lots of sleeping in between. If you're a handful, you'll get fucked apart left and right, trapped suffocatingly against him and only know sleep when you pass out from excessive sex. He's going to be very upset with himself if things went wrong, but he did warn you what could happen.

Are markings of any sort involved?

Yes, and it's fucking gross. Get ready.

First and foremost, you have the aforementioned scent marking, where this sweaty fucker just rubs and ruts himself at whatever inch of your skin he can find. Don't worry, you'll eventually become nose-blind to Breg's musk. I wouldn't bother to shower very often during this period, because he'll consistently mark you and be quite upset to find the smell of body wash on you as opposed to his own.

Much in the same vein, Breg is prone to licking you up and down. It's guaranteed he'll do this both during sex and whenever you lie down with him. Just try not to let him get drool on your hair. He will try to get you to lick him back, it's sort of like grooming but he does not taste good at all. Be warned, he's also a biter, they're usually just chaste nibbles, but he will occasionally decorate certain sections of you with bleeding bite marks. The less you struggle, the softer he is. If you try to bite him back, he'll put you in your place but also fuck you stupid because it still turns him on.

Is there a way to calm them down without intimacy?

Nope. Put out, one way or another.

I'm not sure what you were expecting, he's hypersexual. The most you can do to calm him down during this state is feed him by hand and take naps with him in the nest. Both of these have a wild potential to backfire since he's very easily aroused. That's not to say you can't cheapskate your way through many encounters. Sometimes he will settle for hands without much of a fuss, the warmth of your thighs also makes for a good fucktoy. Breg does have a fondness for your mouth and will let you suck your way out of penetrative sex often, that's not to say he'll be very gentle on your poor throat. Ultimately though, you have to spread your legs regularly. Breg will plug your pussy for hours on end if you let him, though he occasionally expresses a bit of incoherent discomfort about having his second cock not stimulated. Again, keep him busy or he'll try to squeeze both inside in a lustful stupor.

Sex toys are of no interest to Breg during heat, unless they smell heavily of you. And even then, it's more of a compulsory act to fuck with them than anything else. Breg knows they're not you, but certain parts of his base brain demand he claim them either way. Other than that, he won't touch them at all. You can use them during sex with him, but he won't care or react much. You should probably get lube though, I'd go as far as to say that's a priority here.

Is it possible to restrain or subdue them completely?

Don't get any ideas, it'll blow up in your face.

Breg is keenly aware of your attitude during heat, as I've told you. He does not tolerate any challenge whatsoever and is not likely to let his guard down long enough for you to try anything. If he senses you're tense or vaguely hostile, Breg will quickly deploy methods to fatigue you too much to do a single thing. Namely intimidation and constant dickings in positions that strain your muscles.

Restraining Breg is also not an option, he still sees it as a challenge or ill-intent from your part, which means he can panic and hurt you gravely as punishment. The only way you can achieve this is if you ask Breg to chain himself somewhere before heat starts. However, this makes him very volatile and infuriated during heat, it's also torturous and implies a lot of maintenance from your part. You'll have to be attentive, since verbal communication will be off the table at a certain point. If he makes it out, he'll immediately pound you in two and proceed to clumsily build a nest. Then pound you again.

Once in their grasp, can you feasibly escape?

Yeah, eventually. Will you pay for it dearly and cry for mommy when it comes back to bite you in the ass? Also yes.

Escaping is like the cardinal sin you can make when Breg is in heat. It's like a total rejection of him as a mate. Not only will that deeply wound Breg's self-worth, he's in such an emotionally volatile state that he's going to be very vindictive when he inevitably fishes your ass back home. In his mind, either he hasn't postured well enough or he's not meeting your physical needs. You should absolutely never let him think this way, because his solution will be to pester you more thoroughly and fuck you with brutal amounts of intensity.

Escape is temporary and pointless. Trying such will only succeed in making Breg livid and complicating an already very complex and dangerous situation. It's also very hard to do so in the first place given how alert Breg always is and how the two of you are confined within the bedroom for the most part. You'll have to hope Breg collapses for some reason or another, these episodes are rare and short, make full use of them if you wish to flee for whatever reason. Even if you made it out, no one in the right mind would help a breeder's escaped mate, it's a death sentence to even breathe in the same vicinity as you. There is no help.

How do they react to strangers or threats?

Immediate aggression. If he can't kill it, he'll flee with you over his shoulder to only God knows where.

Again, due to their constant modification and selective breeding, only the meanest and most cruel of the kind get perpetuated. Breeders are notoriously and helplessly vicious to any perceived competition, not to mention paranoid during heat. Even just a male being anywhere near you will cause him to throw a massive, violent tantrum. If the perceived opponent happens to be considered frail in the monster's eyes, like most humans, Breg will take the opportunity to merely corral you against himself, cover your neck with a hand, clutch your waist with the other and hiss at them with his jaw fully unhinged. That should be enough to send anyone sprinting away.

If they happen to be a little bigger than usual or a monster, Breg will instantly throw himself at them like a charging bull. Fair warning, he won't stop until either he kills the competition or they somehow manage to leave his sight. Most of the time, they have no alternative but to meet a gruesome end, not even the most pathetic of surrenders will halt his fury.

If Breg meets an opponent he cannot feasibly kill, he'll make a very hasty retreat with you in his arms. This is horrific, because you have no idea where he will choose to hide the two of you away and making it back home is basically impossible until his heat ends. Even then, there's a good chance Breg will not even remember how he got there in the first place. Very awful and risky situation, needless to say.

That's all folks!

#Bregory #monster boyfriend #monster x reader #yandere monster #terato #tw dubious consent #my longest post probably

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adhbabey · 3 years

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While I sit, taking a break from being frustrated at genshin impact, I want to talk about something that you probably won't find in other areas. This post is for my hypersexual people out there, so if that triggers you, please move onto another post.

I recently had someone ask me, how to deal with hypersexuality if you do not want to masturbate, or look at sexual material or anything. And this goes for the younger people out here that might not be old enough to involve themselves in safe sexual communities. But you can be an adult and still find this advice useful, it's for everyone to keep in mind.

Hypersexuality is a coping mechanism, usually coming from a traumatic experience or something similar. It's also incredibly similar to OCD and the obsessive/compulsive part, with intrusive sexual fantasies/thoughts and compulsions like oversharing and sexual acts. And with it, you will feel shame, regret and self hatred, hypersexuality is not pretty and is very damaging to live with, especially if you've been dealing with it since you were a child.

When hypersexuality is triggered, you may be feeling...

small and like you need to be protected or else, like a kid, like condescended or put down

pain, you may be dealing with some sort of pain when it is triggered, you may have a hard time sleeping, and it's triggered, or you had a bad day

self hatred, you may feel like you cannot escape your shame and guilt, you may be spiraling and need some sort of reprieve to take you away from reality

or literally any sort of stress, it can be anything, and its usually something painful. You could be feeling lonely, you could be struggling with intrusive thoughts that make you feel aroused, anything.

So you will experience urges and intrusive thoughts. And a lot of it, a lot of what I've experienced, and I know others have, is self harming behaviors with the hypersexuality. It's not necessarily physical, it can be emotional self harm. Regardless, it's self punishing for "taboo" or "disgusting" acts. And its a very intense headspace that is hard to escape from.

There are things called endorphins, hormones/neurotransmitters that reduce pain and discomfort, that come from sexual acts. And they make you feel better and help you sleep. But that does not mean you do not experience emotional pain from engaging in sexual situations. It's self harming, and hypersexuality is known as an addiction, just like codependency.

So how does one deal with hypersexuality in a more healthy manner? How to not hate yourself so much when you get compulsions and intrusive thoughts? Well, there is therapy, but that's just an easy answer that doesn't work for everyone. And a lot of therapy is just this. It's self work and self care.

I'm not going to act like that is easy, nor is it pleasurable a lot of times. But it's healing and progress, it's something that is worth it in the long run. It's teaching yourself that sexual things are not taboo, and that you're not evil for doing it. It's learning to accept yourself and break down dissociative barriers if you have them.

In combatting this, here are some things to focus on:

Affirmations and self appreciating. No more telling yourself that you're gross or disgusting, no more viewing yourself in a negative light. There are positivity blogs and posts, surround yourself with that love and kindness, and no more falling back on "I'm gross for feeling this way".

Unlearning the lies that your inner child has been told. And this is specifically the lie that "sex is bad" or that it's taboo. Its just a normal part about having bodily needs. Even if you don't like sex, it's not inherently bad. Within this, educate yourself about the things you may have not learned in school. Let's stop feeling ashamed of ourselves when we experience arousal. Become more sex positive.

Learning self care and aftercare. Aftercare is mostly talked about in kink communities but it should be discussed more in general. It's about coming down from emotional highs after sexual encounters. And that means being gentle and kind with yourself. Take care of yourself, use the bathroom, etc. You don't even have to have had a sexual encounter to preform self care.

Along with the point above, self care is important in general. Create a safe space for yourself, have relax days, take time for yourself and treat yourself well. Hypersexuality is often the "replacement" for the need of unconditional love. This is why you need to be more gentle with yourself and to forgive yourself. Even if you cannot be with others, or trust others, at least you can do is be gentle and kinder with yourself.

Give your inner child a safe space. Watch kids shows, watch your favourite movies you loved as a child. Let yourself eat snacks or drinks. Let yourself play and have fun. Sit in comfy pajamas and make pillow forts, or take a nature walk. Surround yourself in things you enjoyed or wanted as a child. (I recommend The Little Prince if you want a good movie to enjoy.) Let your inner child be themselves, because more often than not, they're the one that feels unloved and unsafe here. No more shame, let yourself have fun.

And this is not a cure, this will not help you with everything. Sometimes you need actual therapy, actual medication, you need an answer. It's hard, the healing journey is tough because of the stigma and struggle with finding a therapist that is right for you.

I really recommend researching about OCD as well, you may not have OCD, but it's really similar to a lot of what hypersexuality is. And getting a diagnosis for that or getting medication for that, may help you deal with some issues you cannot contend with on your own. Especially with the lack of boundaries you may have. Especially if you have been in a toxic or codependent relationship/friendship or situation due to hypersexuality. You may learn better coping mechanisms through that as well. You are not a lost cause.

You will lessen the intense headspace with care and work, you are not a monster and you are not disgusting. Please treat yourself with more respect and kindness. Sex is not a sin, and nor does hypersexuality make you a bad person. Educate and treat yourself better. You are an equal and you deserve to be respected. You are not lower than anyone else, nor are you less intelligent or stupid. You are not an inferior being.

Here's to healing, the journey begins. May you grow and build a sanctuary for yourself. I hope you flourish. No more self hatred and no more shame. You are deserving of respect and you deserve the unconditional love that was not given to you. Only you can take the first step of this. It's not as scary or uncomfortable as you think it is.

TDLR: Please read the bullet points if nothing else. Hypersexuality is very similar to OCD, so OCD coping mechanisms may help you as well. Practicing self care, as well as unlearning shame and self punishing attitudes will help. It's not protective if you don't learn to respect yourself. Stop shaming yourself for sexual feelings. It's not your fault you deal with this. So it's time you build yourself a safe space/sanctuary in order to be more authentic and loving with yourself.

#babey posts #hypersexuality #tw self harm mention #self care #self love #positivity #self work #ocd #intrusive thoughts #ask to tag #self respect #please give yourself space to grow #i hope you flourish

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jellysharkbat · 4 years

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I’m going to preface this with: I’m not a fan of call-out posts. I’m going to post on one topic in this post, and another topic in a different post. I put up a read more so you don’t all get slammed by a all of text. Because I like to think I’m polite like that. ;)

Adding a second preface: I’m probably going to reblog or like stuff from people you may not personally agree with. I’m liking and reblogging because I like the work, not because I’m in love with the creator. People still like John Lennon’s music and he beat women.

Anyways, here goes for anyone who wants to read.

Okay, as much as I hate confrontation and do my best to avoid it, I can’t let this one lay. It’s just unfair all so many levels. I’m going to focus on Cullen, since he’s one of my favorites, and I don’t know the other characters mentioned (and those not mentioned) as well.

My, like many others, blog is nsfw. It’s 18+. I’m going to assume that anyone who follows me is an adult. And I’m going to pretend that anyone who isn’t, doesn’t. I am going to post things that are violent in nature and- here’s the one everyone’s super focused on- sex. Because I’m an adult. If I want to read about sex, I will. If I want to write about sex, I will. Because I’m an adult. And there is nothing wrong with sex.

There have been some names named and shamed for portraying characters as “hypersexualized”.

I have one answer to that: so what?

It’s no big deal if Cullen is portrayed as virginal or a sex god. He is not real. I’m going to repeat that: Cullen Rutherford is fake. He is fictional. He does not exist. He, like everyone else, is a character from a video game. We love him, but he is not real. He doesn’t have thoughts of his own, he doesn’t have feelings, he doesn’t have a life. He is a work of fiction created by Bioware.

I’m going to say this one more time: Characters from Dragon Age are not real. Stop acting like they are real people.

The great thing about fandoms is that we can take a character we like, and do whatever we want with them. If we want to fix inconsistencies that the creators didn’t, we can. If we want to fill in the gaps about their lives, we can do that. If we want to pluck them out of their canonical universe and put them in a new one, we can do that. If we want to rewrite stuff about them, we can do that. We own that creativity.

One of the biggest reasons for this “outcry” is that Cullen Rutherford was sexually assaulted and/or raped.

As far as I am aware, there is no canonical evidence to support this claim. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

His sexual trauma is something we assumed happened. We imagine that a character from a video game was treated horribly. Is it likely that this happened? Sure. I think we can all agree that it’s probable that the desire demon did more than mess with his mind. The implication is there. But we can’t confirm it. We can’t look at something and point to it as hard-based evidence. Because there is none.

We made it up.

Just like Scout Jim, we created that trauma. We want that trauma to exist.

We created it, and we can take it away.

I’m also going to say this: even if canon supported our theory, it wouldn’t matter. As fanfic writers and artists, we can change whatever we want. We can portray Cullen Rutherford’s personality, and other characters, however we want. Because he’s not real.

But the sexual assault! What about that?

You mean the sexual assault that never happened in real life? Because he’s not a real person? It doesn’t matter.

Should we approach the subject of sexual assault with respect to those who survived it? Yes. Because that is a real, traumatic experience a real individual went through. And their experience in such an attack should be handled according to that person’s wishes.

Does that mean the moment a work of fiction which may or may not involve it, it needs to be treated like glass? No. Because it didn’t happen in real life. And since it’s a work of fiction, we as creators don’t always need to pay attention to it or make it true for every single universe that includes Cullen Rutherford.

Some people might want to portray it as real as possible, others might want to eliminate it completely. There’s nothing wrong with either choice.

I’m going to assume that a most people have never experience sexual assault and/or rape. Have some people been harassed? Unfortunately, yes. But it is not true of the vast majority of us, and harassment (while a violation in its own right) is not the same as someone physically putting their hands on you. Most of us have no idea what it is like to be assaulted or raped. None. Nothing we imagine will ever compare to the real thing. We don’t know what it’s like, and therefore we will never portray it accurately. And quite frankly, I can’t imagine anyone who would want to know. I’m happy to keep the bad portrayals because it means no actual crime happened.

Even if we did know, real people react differently. Rape survivors do not all behave one way. They do not act one way, all the time. How they respond to anything will depend on their situation, their experience, their current circumstance, their comfort. You can stick two people in a room, have those people be raped in the same exact manner, and put them in a new situation which may or may not force them to think about what happened to them. And they’ll respond differently. Because they are different people. Sometimes they want no sex, sometimes they want all the sex. And that changes day to day, like it does for many people.

To tell them that they can never act any other way is an insult to them and what they survived. You should be ashamed of implying or outright stating that. How dare you slap them in the face.

That, however, is a real person. As I said, Cullen is not real. He is written and portrayed again and again by many different people. He is always going to be different from one portrayal to the next compared to his canonical, in-game self. Are there extremes? Sure. But I dare you to show me a fandom where there aren’t extremes. And in the end, it doesn’t matter if those extremes exist.

No one is actually being hurt (unless you’re a sick mofo and like writing your irl crimes…). It’s fiction. Fake. Not. Real.

If I want to write something about Cullen being violently raped, I can. If I want to pretend he was never abused in any way, I can. If I want to imagine him being sexually crazed, I can. If I want to rip off an arm and make him a eunuch, I can.

Because it’s all fake.

The beauty of fiction is that we created ways so people aren’t surprised by stuff they may not want to see. We created filters. We created blacklists. We created tags. Did we have to? No. You don’t go to a library or a bookstore and expect to see tags or filters, do you? Because those things don’t exist for books. You would just pick up a book and accept whatever is written inside. We didn’t have to do that. But we did. Because we want people to be comfortable, and have fun.

If you don’t like the way someone is portraying how you think- ah. That bit is important. I’m going to repeat myself again: If you don’t like the way someone is portraying how you think they should, that is on you. You have the expectation of something. It is no one’s responsibility but your own to cater to that expectation.

People aren’t creating works involving characters like Cullen solely for your, individual pleasure. How arrogant for you to think so.We are creating many versions of a fictional person in hopes that someone else might like that version and will share their own. We should not go around pretending that only one version is the True Correct Version.

That’s the kind of shit religions do. They love purity crusades.And that’s exactly what this seems to be to me. It’s not outrage because of how people portray a fictional character, it’s an outrage because some people don’t want to admit that they have a problem with other people freely enjoying sex.

You don’t own any of Bioware’s characters. You alone do not have the final say on what happens to a character outside of canonical information, or how that character should behave 100% of the time. And you have no right to harass people because they don’t have the same Vision you do.

If something like sexual assault was truly triggering for you, and not just something offensive to your delicate sensibilities, I’m going to say you probably wouldn’t search for it. You’d find ways to filter it out. And you would accept that if something does slip through, it’s no one’s fault. People can write or draw characters in whatever situation they want. You need to acknowledge that sometimes there will be something that you won’t like and if you still see it, because no one is obligated to do anything for you.

But we will, and we try. Because in general, the majority of us care. We want to have fun. We can adjust some things if asked. Nicely. Because a lot of us realize that not everyone is going to like the same thing. People are different and will have different tastes.

One more, final point: What someone writes or draws is not indicative of who they are as a person. I write and think about a lot of stuff. I’m a curious person. I want to be able to imagine what would happen in whatever scenario I create, good or bad. I have favorite characters. Because I like those characters, I like sticking them in the scenarios I create because I want to know how they would react. It doesn’t matter if it’s something soft and sweet or a rape roleplay. What that is has nothing to do with who I am. That goes for everyone else.

So let me tell you a little something about myself, since you have no other way of knowing if I don’t specifically tell you:

I am shy. I am quiet. I don’t like picking fights. I don’t speak eloquently. I am a pushover.

And sometimes- a lot of the time- I want my favorite fictional character Cullen Rutherford to act out a “hypersexualized” fantasy of mine.

#ngl #a little bit interested to see if I'll get a reasonable #actual adult answer to this #and not teenage hysteria #If you think differently #please tell me why #I like hearing other people's opinions #seriously #cullen rutherford #dragon age #you do realize that if you don't like something #you can ask for it to be tagged so you can blacklist it right?#this is very much a grow up and deal with it thing

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sugar-petals · 4 years

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BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense.

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex.

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈ ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈ THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now.

tarot mlist | ko-fi

----

for anon:

#bts tarot #bts #bangtan #bts smut #bts tarot reading #tarot #long post

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songofclarity · 3 years

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Hi! About WRH, I've seen lots of instances where people wimpify their favourite character, by using WRH to abuse them in the most gross ways. Maybe you've seen that too? Do you think there's a particular reason for why it's so prevalent (aside from personal taste(??? ...Even reading descriptions makes me sick. Its unavoidable with WRH. ...I find it incredibly tiresome when I'm trying to find normal WRH content yet have to wade through that shit. WRH and the other characters deserve better.

Oh, yes, I've definitely seen that, Anon.

That is the fate of all villains and antagonists in most fandoms. It's prevalent because of people's personal taste, as you said, for the power dynamic, victim/villain porn, the schadenfreude, the porn, just wanting to see their favorites break. Reading about characters in pain can be a healthy way to experience intense emotions in a safe environment. Writing fiction is a way to express one thing or another and I'm not here to judge the rhyme or reason for what gets put out there.

But I will judge how people characterize characters lol Considering I LOVE hurt/comfort, I can't say even I entirely understand the appeal of wimpifying favorite characters, either?? Even when they suffer, shouldn't they still be themselves in some fundamental way? Hurt/comfort is such a great way to explore characters at their rawest point, whether they break or bend, how they handle suffering and pain, what they do to comfort themselves, and how they come back from it.

That is a treatment and exploration given predominantly to the protagonists, however. Wen RuoHan, an antagonist we rarely see, garners no sympathy or empathy from most readers as his story sections are few and far between. We're told he runs the Evil Sect(TM) and that's all most people care about. Writers decide he is not a character in his own right, ignore what is on the page, and thus he becomes free real estate for the some trashy, vicious personality that hypersexualizes him to perversion and shows him instigating and passionately delighting in the sight of suffering and blood.

Which, for the liking the suffering and blood part, is what the cultivation world says about him in canon but we also have to remember that the cultivation world says Nie HuaiSang is a good for nothing, Wei WuXian is nothing but evil, and Jin GuangYao is a good and upright person. We come to the end of the novel to realize that none of these are true.

This isn't to say that Wen RuoHan is secretly a good person, but why is he suddenly the exception to the theme that rumors shouldn’t be believed? Especially when what we see of him does NOT match up with what is said about him? Given the opportunity to torture his son’s murderer, which you might even argue he is justified to want, he turns it down.

Interestingly enough, and perhaps Anon has noticed it too, I see Meng Yao's personality and behavior in the Sun Palace being projected onto Wen RuoHan in a lot of fic. Meng Yao's abuses and verbal harassment toward Nie MingJue are put into Wen RuoHan's mouth and then exemplified. So I think that’s another reason why Wen RuoHan is so prevalently portrayed as “gross”: Meng Yao blamed all his actions on Wen RuoHan and readers believed him, despite Meng Yao having a good reason to lie and Wen RuoHan CLEARLY saying “do as YOU please,” not as Wen RuoHan pleases.

Honestly, what Wen RuoHan says and how he behaves gives us an interesting character!

Wen RuoHan smacked Nie dad’s saber and yet spoke politely that it was indeed a fine saber. (The saber breaks. Nie dad dies.)

Wen RuoHan watched his Sect lose the archery competition and all he said was thank you all for coming, I'm going to go, but please continue to enjoy yourselves. (Cloud Recesses burns. The Indoctrination camp requires everyone to come back to once again enjoy themselves as they learn Wen Sect rules and teaching.)

Wen RuoHan spoke of his observations of the other sect leaders, identified their weaknesses (but not their strengths), and said that he needn’t raise a hand against the Sunshot Campaign, that it will collapse on its own. (It doesn’t. Wen Xu and Wen Chao are killed within days of each other. The Sunshot Campaign is in a stalemate for years.)

Wen RuoHan asked if Nie MingJue was the one who killed Wen Xu, stated he had no interest in further abusing someone who was half dead, and told Meng Yao to do as he pleased. (Wen RuoHan has his guard completely down, he doesn’t feel threatened at all, and he is murdered.)

Wen RuoHan is never shown or described as torturing anyone, we never see him murdering anyone (although RIP the Wen Cultivator killed when Nie MingJue launched him as an attack weapon), and he's not involved in any sexual misconduct. He never calls for anyone's death and he never shows a desire to cause harm.

If nothing else, Wen RuoHan is POLITE to a FAULT. Like we all see how polite Jin GuangYao tries to be but in the end he’s shedding that politeness like a second skin. Now imagine that politeness coming from a man who can make your head explode like a watermelon. Wen RuoHan is powerful and he’s terrifying but he is a BEAUTIFUL representation of "speak softly and carry a big stick" and I love that about him. It also perfectly explains why Wen Chao was like That.

So yeah, the "gross" stuff fandom writes him doing, the "gross" stuff fandom writes him saying -- I'm sorry, but who is that??? It’s fine if people don’t like him or flat out hate him, but MDZS gives us so many antagonists to chose from! It doesn’t need to be one-sized-antagonist-fits-all-evils! Fics will use Wen RuoHan’s name when Jin GuangShan and Jin GuangYao are right there holding a monopoly on sexual violence, torture, and abuse in canon. But that is another reason Wen RuoHan is portrayed as gross and terrible in fandom: many people generally like the Jin better than the Wens, and, in order to make Jin GuangYao look less rotten, Wen RuoHan is made into the penultimate evil with no redeeming qualities.

Although with all that said, in case Anon is unaware, I am the author of Heliocentric over on AO3, which began life as just a hurt/comfort Whumptober fic with a focus on Wen RuoHan and Nie MingJue. So I confess I am a participant when it comes to delving into Wen RuoHan doing terrible things in order to indulge in some good old hurt/comfort and character study. But after having written nearly 100k words I'm now a Wen RuoHan stan so I guess all that studying worked really well.

So I’m with you on trying to find some normal Wen RuoHan content these days. There are definitely some gems out there though! Fanfic and fanart which are both interesting and compelling! But long story short, we must be the change we want to see in the world! We must make the Wen RuoHan content we want to read/see!

Although it would be nice if people stopped treated him like a trash bin in the meantime.

#disclaimer: this is about the general fandom portrayal and is not about any particular work #this got long but i have a proper wrh meta in me somewhere that is crying to get out lol #anon #asked from above #wen ruohan #mdzs thoughts

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acespec-ed · 3 years

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hi!! I was wondering if u could help me? I’m alloaro and I just discovered the term aromid… and it makes me question myself. I’m very unsure if I’m on the asexual spectrum or if I just experience sex repulsion sometimes? I’ve looked at so many acespec labels and cannot find one that actually fits me. literally I’ve seen them all. I haven’t really felt comfortable calling myself ace and I do enjoy saying I’m alloaro but I wonder if I’m actually on the ace spectrum as well… how do I differentiate between sex repulsion and asexuality? For one, I’m hypersexual and feel the need/pressure to be sexual or I’m not good enough… and I do want sex I think? I fantasize about it and I enjoy smut and some art .. but when I visually see nakedness or irl sex… it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy that. I enjoy the thoughts and fiction and when people are only partially clothed…. but I just have this feeling of repulsion and fear of actually doing it irl (what if I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable?) and when I think about it I do imagine myself and this other person but it’s also hard to actually see us and not just faceless non existing people… and idk how much of me wanting sex is just pressure from hypersexuality or me genuinely having sexual attraction … idk if I really have much of a libido or want for sex?? would I be able to call myself alloaro AND aromid.. as in I’m alloaro but possibly SOMEWHERE on the ace spectrum?.. or maybe I’m just sex repulsed and fully not ace at all? I feel like my situation here makes me unable to call myself alloaro but I AM alloaro and I love being alloaro… I don’t wanna stop saying I am but it also feels like there’s more to it?

same anon from before! I read a post of yours about the umm “allos see ‘cake’ and immediately know they want to eat it” and it confuses me … idk what I experience? I see fictional characters and I can go “they look sexy I am attracted to them maybe if want to have sex with them?” I see people and ??? idk sometimes I get unwanted thoughts of having sex with friends when I don’t actually want to or find attractive…I can see people and think they’re sexy/attractive .. but idk if I’d think “yeah I’d have sex with them” I mean it depends bc I think someone can imagine having sex with someone and enjoy it and want it but would they actually wanna seriously have sex with that stranger without having any connection with them…? Sex is scary so I’d need to know and trust them maybe… be scared to show my body..but I don’t think I’d be comfortable calling myself demi? Idk I don’t get this .. do I look at someone and immediately think whether I’d want to have sex with them or not? I really don’t know … also.. so…. Libido is just wanting sex in general and sexual attraction is wanting specific people?… how do I differentiate all of this it’s so confusing! I guess MAYBE I do look at peopl and go “wow they’re pretty/sexy id want sex” BUT I DONT KNOW LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT… am I not allo WHATS going on here .. can you explain what it would be like to be sex repulsed AND allo instead of ace? and the difference between that and being ace and sex repulsed? thank u

I’m so sorry I’m saying so much I just have no one to talk to :C … but um… someone told me “if you’re sex repulsed .. you’re still allo unless you feel like u don’t relate to being allo anymore” and I’m honestly so confused because…. do my weird feelings towards sex influence my sexuality? do I still feel connected to being allo? personally I feel like these feelings are ones allo people don’t typically have ..plus I’ve always felt bad for not being sexual enough or feeling the same sexual feelings as people/ (also why do I have sex repulsion I don’t think I rlly had much sexual trauma going on.. some little incidents but still??) and if I told allo people these feelings… they would not relate and would think I’m weird for it ..but an ace person might relate and would understand … I feel like it does influence how I see my sexuality/attraction and complicates things…however.. I feel like I can’t call myself acespec bc often I want sex (even with a specific person.. although they look different when I imagine them and also don’t exactly have a Look/face/body in my head..same with me) often and I’m hypersexual so I like over sexualizing myself …plus I like saying I’m alloaro and don’t want to let go of it… nor do I want to ID with a specific ace spec label.. I’d like to just say I’m ace (just like how I call myself aromantic even when I’m specifically gray romantic) why can’t I just be ace and not ace at the same time or in between I don’t know 😭…. what do allos experience how is their life like with sexual attraction and how is someone’s life like without sexual attraction … I don’t get it at alllllll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw you sent three asks and decided to combine them all in this post to make answering this easier. Just reading these asks are making my head spin, so I can only imagine how confused you must feel. And it's fine that you're sending so many asks- I know what it's like to have no one to talk to about things.

I'll start this off by saying you can call yourself whatever you feel most comfortable calling yourself. And if it's alloaro, then of course you can keep calling yourself alloaro. You do sound like you could fit somewhere on the ace spectrum, but I couldn't tell you where.

A lot of what I'm about to say you might already know, since it sounds like you've been doing your own bit of research, but here I go.

Whether or not you desire sex on its own doesn't determine if you're asexual. If you've never felt any urges to have sex with anyone specific, then you haven't experienced sexual attraction. So it's helpful to remove your interest in sex itself, along with libido, when questioning. Focus it all on if you've wanted sex with anyone in particular. If the answer is no, or very rarely, it's likely you could be on the asexual spectrum. You mentioned you've experienced it towards someone specific, so it sounds to me like you'd be in the gray area, if on it at all.

I will say, it is totally normal to be nervous, and even scared, of having sex at first. A lot of allos are able to get over this fear- possibly because of sexual attraction. I first felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend, and though I was repulsed, I wanted to do sexual things with him so bad I was able to get over the fear and disgust through slow exposure. So I think sexual attraction on its own is a huge motivator to "get over" sex repulsion and go for it.

Of course, you should never do anything you are not comfortable doing. And never force yourself into doing any sexual activities. A lot of aces have ended up with trauma over that sort of thing. The reason I went for it was because I naturally became comfortable with things escalating as time went on. Kinda like exposure therapy, I guess.

I'm not sure if you already saw it, but I did write this post on an experience I had where I was sex-repulsed by someone I was sexually attracted to. So it is possible to be sex-repulsed and sexually attracted to a person, but I understand how hard it can be to tell for sure.

I can't tell you what it's like to be allo. But other than the few times I've experienced sexual attraction, I lived my life with a libido directed towards no one, fluctuating between being sex-indifferent and repulsed, and occasionally getting a crush I had no sexual attraction towards.

As for what it’s like being sex-repulsed and ace: I can’t imagine having sex with anyone. I just can’t. Every time I get a crush, I try to imagine sex with them, and my brain just shuts that off. It wants nothing to do with those thoughts. Sex-repulsed with sexual attraction: It’s only happened twice and the first time (with my bf) I had no idea wtf was going on and it was 10 years ago so I can’t remember enough to tell you aside from what I’ve already said. The other time though, I wasn’t 100% sure if it was sexual attraction at first- but my body became aroused at the sight of him, and the arousal went away when he left. But when I thought of sex with him, I was grossed out. But I kept forcing myself to think of sex with him, and grew more comfortable with the idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I figured, “hey, maybe I am sexually attracted to him.”

Every person is different though.

I can totally understand your confusion because some of your experiences sound like you’re allo and some sound like you could be acespec. I honestly don’t know what else to say or what answers to give. I will say this though: I strongly doubt any allo has had to question their allosexuality as much as you are.

But circling back to what I first said: you can label yourself as whatever you feel most comfortable with. It’s okay if you don’t fit the exact definitions of an identity 100%. Every person is different, even those sharing the same label. And if you decide your experiences are just too complicated for a label, you don’t need one either.

Sorry if this was all over the place, but I hope it was somewhat helpful!

#asks #side note but if you have any follow up questions i probably won't get to them until tomorrow evening cuz work

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robogreaser · 4 years

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This is a Long Time Coming...

It’s been a relatively hard task to sit down and make sense of, well, a lot of things as of late. I could chalk it up to the state of the world, but it’s been troublesome for significantly longer than that.

Long Story Short Version: I’ve been in a hell of a place, mentally, physically, and otherwise.

The proper story is a hell of a lot more involved than that and I know damned right well it’s going to take me a fair bit to explain myself and my various professional and social failings over the past... while. I’m gonna try to contain this under a read more, of course, but I apologize to mobile users if tumblr fucks that up.

Okay. That took a fair more bit of effort to figure out than I remember. Which, I suppose, is a fair enough bit of a segue into one thing that’s happened to me.

Tumblr has been deteriorating.

Whether I like to admit it or not, tumblr has been my go to social media platform since... 2011. Yeah. I’ve spent the vast majority of the decade here. I’ve seen a lot. Sure, I’ve lurked elsewhere, but I really cannot stand the interface and nature of a lot of other social media, especially the likes of twitter. Unfortunately for me, this place has been in constant decline for years now at this point. It extends well beyond the porn ban, but that’s a whole separate discussion.

I’ve lost touch with a lot of people I care about, some vanishing into the ether, some ghosting me, some just drifting into other communities or onto other sites. I’ve come to terms with the majority of this. It’s been happening for a while. It’s the very nature of digital relationships. It hurt, and I do think it’s contributed to a fair bit of stress and depression that has resulted in my... withdrawal from online spaces. It’s not a major factor, but its here, it’s present, it’s a factor in all of this.

I’ll be honest in that, well, I’ve tried to make this post several times over the past several weeks and months. It’s hard. Talking about my issues, using ‘I’ and ‘me’ so much in a post... it’s a bit jarring. But I’ll try to suck it up.

It’s been ten years (god I fucking hate time) since I’ve graduated high school. Yeah. It’s a fair thing to say that, on reflection, that’s incredibly jarring. The vast majority of that time has been... relatively unstable. I spent a fair few years working on my book and my publishing journey, now all but scrubbed clean from this blog (more on that later) and... well... Trying to be an adult. I’ve applied to, gotten accepted, and had to withdrawn from my dream school twice in this time. I’ve had a fair few jobs, nothing worthy of my resume, and lost all of them in one form or another, whether being fired for retaliating to my shitty work conditions, or, well, quitting for the sake of my own health during this pandemic. There has been a lot of family troubles. I’ve been through a lot of... ‘varied’ living situations, some horrendous, some just stressful, some, like now, actually really good compared to the others. And for the past few years in particular, it’s been constantly one thing after another, nonstop.

In short, progress is slow, but it’s happening. I don’t care to delve into a lot of these sorts of personal details lest this get to a ridiculous length, but that’s the short of the stuff I’d rather gloss over.

I’ve been on a health... Let’s call it a journey. I’ve been on a health journey. Over the past few years I’ve gone through the long processes of being diagnosed with ADHD, discussing my options regarding my depression and anxiety, and finally getting myself on a medication regimen that works. And then, because the health care system is a joke, I was without insurance. I had been off my medication, an absolute lifesaver and release of burden on my garbage tier brain, for eighteen months. Until last week. I think it’s fair to say, between my revolving door of living situations, employment, and then being un-medicated in a continually more stressful environment... That this is the main reason I’ve been absent. I’ve had no focus. There were weeks where I had no drive to do anything outside of routine that others depended on. I had not only gone back to how I was before situating my mental health, but in some ways, found a worse state.

Finances have been slowly eating away at me. I had been working a part time retail job until November, which made decent enough money, but not nearly for the amount of work and responsibility I was handling. I got fired. I found work with one of the big, corporate postal services. The pay was phenomenal, but it began to actively destroy my health, mainly physically, but also mentally, especially considering I was working a graveyard shift. Eventually when I began having prolonged health issues there, and then a whole lot of the symptoms of covid-19, on top of them turning me down for an entry-level position outside of the package handling, I had to quit. This was shortly after the lockdowns, in early April, and I refuse to look back despite people like my parents insisting on me trying to get work there again. Sure, the pay was phenomenal compared to anything else I had until then, but I cant continue to sacrifice my health. As of now, I’m unemployed, and... well...

I’m working on my commission queue. It’s art. It’s stuff I’ve owed friends (luckily those who are incredibly understanding and good to me) for an embarrassing amount of time, even before moving to and from Oklahoma at the end of 2016. I’m terrified of being the person who is known for taking commissioners’ money and running.

I know, I’m not good at giving updates. I’m not good at a consistent work schedule. I’ve had numerous tech failings over the past few years that constantly slow my roll on any progress I have made. Hell, I’ve had files corrupt despite being two thirds of the way complete when transferring from one computer to another. I’ve lost my cable for my external hard drive. I’ve had my tablet go to hell and back multiple times. But I am working. I am trying. I am sitting down as often as I can between looking for work and managing family nonsense to try and get my workload tidied up.

Which... brings me to my next point. And one I’m rather... ashamed about.

I have used trello, infrequently, since taking on a large load of commissions, and despite not being faithfully updating it and checking back on it, and using it to it’s fullest potential, I had kept, at the minimum, a list of all the work I did owe people using it. Well. Dumbass me attempted to use a mobile app. In short, in an effort to try and make myself tech literate and allow me easier access to my queue, I ended up deleting it. Somehow.

I’ve gone through and slowly flagged all my paypal notices and various emails concerning my commissions. I’m putting it together again. I’m trying. Granted, I am damned sure I am going to be missing someone, somewhere, somehow. I know it. I’ve got a shit brain, and despite my need for organization and minimalism, I don’t put it past me to have missed something along the way.

If you have commissioned me, please, do not hesitate to reach out and contact me regarding your commission. I owe every last one of you a massive apology for my continued failure to produce what you have paid for.

More likely than not, I have a wip already started somewhere, and if not, I have a slew of reference and thumbnails already compiled together somewhere on my computers. I am not ignoring this work. It’s been painfully, embarrassingly slow. It’s been one obstacle after another. But I have every intention of doing this work, and, likely, upgrading the quality of the finished piece past what my commissioners have paid for simply because I do feel bad about the wait time.

I have been inexcusably unprofessional. I know this and I am working as best I can with the time and resources I have to correct it.

In a similar vein, as I mentioned before, I have slowly been cleaning up my rather unimpressive publishing attempts. I’ve gone through and cleaned this blog recently, deleting reference to my work by name and the process of trying to get myself published. I may have missed a few posts here and there, but for the most part I would like a clean slate in regards to building a social media platform surrounding my written work. And this is the part where... I am probably going to be the most upfront and honest with you reading this than I have been publicly before.

I am not ashamed of who I’ve been online these past ten years or so, but it reflects only a sliver of my personality, a sliver of who I am as a whole. I catered to a very specific subset of who I am in pursuit of finding acceptance in communities much larger than myself. I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in that time. I figured out what’s important to me, my health, my sexuality, my relationships and my long term goals. I’ve found a very important group of friends. I’ve found people who understand and empathize with a lot of the things I have been through, experience, and am at my core.

But the fact of the matter is, this hypersexual, sci-fi aesthetic-oriented, very open person is only a singular facet. And it is not nearly enough of a reflection of who I am, or who I want to be as a professional, public adult. Will I always be gay for robots? Yes. Will I, when time permits and creative energies are present, continue to make nsfw art? Absolutely. Will I always have a toe dipped in erotic literature and the like? Most likely.

But a lot of me, a lot of my emotion and strife and feelings regarding most things in the world, are completely separate from this. It’s separate from me liking porn on twitter or having a homestuck roleplay blog. It’s separate from who I am in real life, with my boyfriend or with my family or with my work. And I have been dwelling on this, sincerely, for a while. I need to allocate more energy into my life. The separate life offline and online too, where I am pursuing an actual professional career, because, at the end of the day, I want to be an author. I want to have a career telling stories. And, in my time online, I’ve found a lot of skeletons in authors’ closets, the kind that really put mine to shame, and the kind that will always be a footnote to their work. You know the ones.

I want my creative work to speak for itself. I want people to be able to enjoy what I do without a specter, without my time and energy having to explain to a future audience why it is I had explicit thoughts about x,y, and z. I want to be able to write a book, write many books, and have people enjoy them without a footnote about me, a person with a sexual life and a history exploring it through years of depression and isolation, clouding it. It’s not fair to my work. It’s not fair to a future reader. It’s not fair to me.

I’ve got several social media accounts made and slowly coming to life that I need to spend more time with as I try and pursue this new, second leg of a very long journey into publishing. I’m not going to link those here, now or in the future. It’s likely a few people I know and trust have access to them. But I am, effectively starting over from scratch trying to build a platform as a writer. And it’s hard. Juggling that, alongside all of the things in the world today, alongside family and my relationships, alongside my commission queue? It bears down on me and if I didn’t have experience handling more than one thing at a time, I might trip up more frequently. Hell, I forget to post and use those new accounts regularly.

But I’m trying.

I’m not moving away from my current social circles or hobbies or anything like that. I’m not abandoning any fandom or friends or communities. But I am going to be trying to balance myself more thoughtfully moving forward, past just commissions, past just writing.

I’m here. I’m moving forward, slowly but surely, and I am making an effort to improve.

#jesus christ mike shut up

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conversationswithmybipolarchild · 5 years

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#2: WHAT IS BIPOLAR DISORDER?

FELICITY: Bipolar disorder is a mental illness. Key word one: “illness,” meaning you are afflicted with it. Key word two: “mental,” it being a part of the brain.

F: Mental health is as important as physical health. They are both very important, they go hand in hand. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Whether or not it comes upon you after a traumatic event, or when puberty hits, or if it- if you show signs when you’re born, it doesn’t matter. it is all a chemical imbalance.

F: You are born with it, no matter what. You can go...twenty five years without seeing any symptoms, simply because you never had anything to jumpstart your bipolar disorder. But, if you have bipolar disorder, were properly diagnosed with it...you were already born with it. It was already in your brain.

F: Bipolar disorder is categorized by highs and lows in your mood. That’s why it’s called a mood disorder [edit: it can also be called a psychotic disorder]. Not just simple, everyday highs and lows like everybody has, it’s not just “oh, I feel sad today, it’s not just, “oh, I have a lot of energy.” It’s extreme.

ANJA: That’s why they’re called poles. That’s why it’s bipolar disorder

F: Yes, it’s the two poles, the high and the low.

A: The mania and the depression.

F: So mania, is when you...[trails off]...

A: It’s the high.

F: It’s the high. Mania is the high, that means you have a lot of energy, you are very impulsive, can have a lot of aggression, rage, risky thoughts, risky behaviors.

A: Racing thoughts.

F: Racing thoughts, absolutely. Nightmares, hallucinations, hypersexuality, violence, paranoia...

A: Also, I don’t think this is an official symptom, but coming from myself and a lot of other bipolar people, you get this feeling where you’re like, crawling in your own skin.

F: Yeah. Definitely. I hear that one a lot.

F: So, symptoms of a depressive episode is that you...well, you are depressed. Not just kinda sad, you feel really, really, down. When I’m depressed, and I have major depressive disorder, when I’m depressed I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to take a shower. I don’t want to get dressed, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be anything.

A: There’s no motivation whatsoever.

F: No motivation whatsoever.

A: I don’t get depressive episodes very often because I have bipolar I, and I get manic more than I do depressed. I don’t really- I don’t have to worry about depression, unless I like, unless I have no stimulation in my everyday life.

F: You have to stay busy in order to not get depressed. I’m the same way. If I don’t want to sit in that pit, I have to stay busy all the time. That’s why I’m constantly going, and going, and going, and doing, because if I just sit for more than a couple days, I’m in that pit and I don’t feel good.

F: So, another symptom, another result, of bipolar disorder, is uh, suicide. There is a hefty suicide rate among bipolar people. That is- that is the worst part. And as a parent of a bipolar child, knowing the statistics around bipolar disorder and suicide, it’s enough to kickstart me into a depression. It is- it worries me.

A: The, um, I’m not gonna say the only reason, but it is one of the biggest reasons why I didn’t try to kill myself when I was younger, was because I’m so afraid of death. Maybe not death, but what happens after it.

F: To tell you the truth, me too. It absolutely terrifies me.

F: So, some statistics from the NIMH, claim that 2.9% of thirteen to eighteen year olds have bipolar disorder, and eighty one percent of those kids have it severe. It’s bad enough to be hospitalized, and make their life really difficult.

F: So I was reading earlier...about bipolar disorder, and someone asked the question, “can someone with bipolar disorder live a normal life?” And it says here, “people with bipolar disorder usually go ten years before being accurately diagnosed. Treatment can make a huge difference. It is a chronic health condition that needs lifetime management. Plenty of people with this condition do well, they have families and jobs and live normal lives.” So that ought to give you a little hope for the future.

F: That’s...that’s the other thing. Meds...they are- in my opinion, they are a must. It’s beyond me how people aren’t medicated.

A: I think it’s really funny how, um, how after I was diagnosed bipolar, the last thing you wanted me to do was be on meds. Now, we depend on it. We have to. There’s no choice.

F: As you were growing up and you were being misdiagnosed all over the place, meds were the last thing on my mind. We tried every single thing else. We tried discipline, rewards, I tried diet changes, we tried all sorts of therapy, I tried changing the way that I parent! And none of it worked.

A: Because you can’t just change those chemicals. Without medication.

F: You can’t! Exactly. You can’t change those chemicals. Absolutely. I’m the same way with mine, my MDD. It doesn’t fix itself. I need medication to give me the right chemicals. To balance those chemicals in my brain. That is a must.

F: So, we’ve talked about what bipolar is, now let’s talk about what it is not. It’s not learned. It’s not a discipline problem. It’s not something that you can beat out of a child, teach out of a child, train out of a child, It’s not something that’s going to go away. And it’s not something that’s just going to one day change. It’s an ever evolving illness...

A: But it’s always there.

F: But it’s always there. And unless you’re treating it with therapy and medication, you’re fighting a losing battle.

A: Chronic is the key word.

F: Chronic is the key word. Bipolar disorder is a chronic illness.

A: Which, that really scares me. Because I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life.

F: Let me tell you something. I’ve described severe depression as rain. Imagine you have to go out in the rain. And you have to change the tires on your car, you have to check your mail, you have to walk your dog, you have to go to work. You have to hoe your garden, mow your lawn. Daily things, but you have to do them in the rain. That’s what my brain is like every single day. I will always live doing everything in the rain. And that’s a daunting thing to think about.

F: I can still do all those daily activities, but you know how when you go in the rain, everything’s just harder? And you’re just slightly more miserable doing them? That’s what it’s like with MDD, I’m constantly having to force myself to do things. And when I do them, I’m miserable. It’s harder for me. It’s harder for me to go take a shower than it is for other people. It’s harder for me to do things because it’s like when you’re out in the rain, everything’s just that much harder.

A: It’s like- I’ve said it before- but it’s like when you do anything, it would be much easier for a neurotypical person.

F: It is much easier for a neurotypical person. They’re not fighting chemicals in their brain.

A: They’re not fighting their own mind on a daily basis.

F: Yeah! And I know that’s exhausting. I know your brain is tired. I know you’re tired. I know you are. But you can’t really think about it that way, because then you’ll get overwhelmed. I can’t think about how I will never not be in the rain. I can’t think about it...because that’s just gonna throw me back in that pit. And I can’t live my life, raise my kids, and take care of everything I need to take care of..if I’m in that pit.

A: And it’s okay to be miserable. It’s okay to rest.

F: As long as you don’t give up. I like Kevin Hines’s hashtag, #beheretomorrow. Today might not have been the best day, but as long as you’re here tomorrow, that’s what matters.

F: Let’s touch on what bipolar disorder means for you- for us. What does bipolar disorder mean for you?

A: I really hate to say this but...bipolar disorder is a part of me. And I can’t change that. I mean, sometimes I really wish I didn’t have bipolar disorder, but I don’t know what I would be without it.

F: Absolutely. I completely agree with you. I feel the same way about myself. I don’t know who I would be. I don’t know who my father would have been, who my grandmother would have been, without mental illness.

F: While I understand your sentiment, I think that because you’re medicated, and nobody else was, you are more you.

A: And less bipolar disorder.

F: Yes! Exactly. When you were eight years old and running away and acting out, being violent and raging, I didn’t know who you were! I couldn’t buy you gifts, I didn’t know what you liked. I didn’t know your personality...all I knew was this child I couldn’t connect with. All I knew was this child that absolutely hated me.

A: I was mostly bipolar disorder.

F: One of the more prominent symptoms that you had was lack of motivation. Smartest kid ever, bad grades. It’s not that you didn’t know the work, you just didn’t turn stuff in. Soon as we got you on medication, that mostly changed.

F: Super energy.

A: Aggressive. Frustrated.

F: Violent. Raging. Yeah, those were scary times.

A: I had anger issues.

F: A lot. Yeah. You couldn’t focus on anything. I know a lot of that are symptoms of ADHD.

A: Which is why I got misdiagnosed.

F: But its the hallucinations and the nightmares that sealed the deal. That turned things around. When we brought those up, it turned things around. That’s when the term “bipolar” came into play, and it fit. It fit you.

F: I know that some of the symptoms in my family, that are or were mentally ill, were definitely instability. Never being able to stay put. Not being consistent. Inconsistency was huge.

A: Even me, now, medicated, I can’t stay on the same routine or the same surroundings for more than a month. I have to change something about my life, whether it be my room, or, hell, my Tumblr blog. There has to be something that changes.

F: I agree. I’m the same way. I get very bored very easily.

F: Money! Money was a huge problem when I was growing up. You know, nobody could save. They would spend wildly.

A: Money? You mean lack of!

F: Yeah. It was impulsive spending. That’s one of the bigger symptoms of bipolar disorder in adults. Impulsive spending. That was a huge one when I was growing up.

F: My family was never very affectionate. They were always very distant.

A: I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t affectionate.

F: Well, that’s the whole reason I am affectionate, is because I was starved as a child. I needed affection and I never got it. So, it was super important to me that I be an affectionate parent. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t affectionate either, because I thrive on being close to you guys. And I don’t want to raise you in the same situation. In an angry, distant, impulsive, unstable situation. I don’t want to raise you that way.

F: So, what did we learn today?

F: That it’s a little scary.

A: It’s scary.

F: But it can be managed.

A: It can be managed.

F: And you’re doing a fantastic job. And I’m doing a fantastic job, and your team is doing a fantastic job.

F: Do you remember the time we were standing outside Old Navy and you told me you wanted to buy a gun?

[blank stare]

#bipolar disorder #actuallybipolar #actuallybd #actuallybp #children's mental health #pediatric mental health #mental health #mental health awareness #mental illness

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queermediastudies · 6 years

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Photo Essay: Queerness in Disney Villains

The focus of these images is on how Disney villains are incidentally queer, and how this representation reflects a negative image for queer people. Generally, villains are conquered by heteronormative characters, whether that be through a failed plan or death. This is harmful because it paints queer people in a villainous way and as being defeated by hetero-norms rather than accepted. Disney should move away from only having queer representation in the form of a villain and instead, have queerness portrayed across all types of characters (protagonist, side characters, etc). This will give more positive representation for those in the LGBTQ community, making Disney a more inclusive fantasy world. This approach is more effective in embracing queer identity. The characters we will be focusing on will be grouped into three categories: ambiguous relationships, mannerisms and gender roles, and breaking notions of normativity.

Ambiguous Relationships:

These images portray different characters that have relationships the audience may deem ambiguous. These relationships are not heterosexual ones either, making them appear queer. Though none of the texts outright say there is a relationship between these characters, there are moments that feel outside of heteronormative traditions.

(Gaston and Lefou, “Beauty and the Beast”, Disney, 1991)

This image is from the song sequence in Beauty and the Beast (1991) where Gaston basically brags about how manly he is. However, though the song focuses on his “manliness” there is a moment in which Gaston and his goofy henchman, Lefou, dance intimately for a moment. This moment is similar to the W.K.L Dickson short film of 1895 that depicted two men dancing intimately together. Benshoff and Griffin (2004) say, “Without a narrative context, the meaning of ‘two men dancing together is left open to interpretation. One thing is certain however-- the dancing pair is queer: they are not the usual expected heterosexual couple” (p. 6). Different from the “dancing pair” video, Gaston and Lefou do have a narrative that may challenge their queer image (since Gaston is actively chasing after Belle). However, as the text states this moment does not have a heterosexual pairing and features two men, making them queer.

(Captain Hook and Mr. Smee, “Peter Pan”, Disney, 1953)

There has been much speculation from Disney fans that Captain Hook could be gay due to his flamboyant mannerisms, but when one takes a closer look at his relationship with his first mate, Mr. Smee, it is clear that they are extremely close (Benedict, 2017). What is queer about their relationship is the way Smee dotes on Hook, something that is characteristic of the gender roles of a woman. Seen here, Smee is taking Hook’s temperature while Hook is feeling unwell. The purpose of Smee’s character is to be the person that cares for Hook, the way a woman stereotypically cares for a man in a heterosexual relationship. Hook, on the other hand, is the leader and provider of the crew (what could be seen as a family). Having them be two male characters that embody the heteronormative traditions of a man and woman is what makes their relationship queer and ultimately relates to the historical use of queer gender-bending as a technique to gain laughs as well as to signify evil (Benshoff & Griffin, 2004, p. 7).

(Ratcliffe and Wiggins, “Pocahontas”, Disney, 1995)

Ratcliffe and Wiggins are both queer characters due to their mannerisms. Ratcliffe portrays a flamboyant image that is not of traditional masculine stereotypes due to the way he dresses and enjoys “finer things”. He does not follow the rugged, hard working stereotype that heteronormativity often gives. Wiggins also has a queerness about the way he acts, but it is different from Ratcliffe. Rather, Wiggins likes things that are stereotypical of gay men/of being “girly”. Here, he is offering that Ratcliffe and Wiggins give gift baskets. He also is seen making a unicorn shaped bush, bathing a dog and talking cutsey with it, and getting teary-eyed when Ratcliffe is taken away. These interests deviate from stereotypical masculine interests, making Wiggins queer. Together, Ratcliffe and Wiggins create a queer duo, with Ratcliffe being the snobby,arrogant stereotypical gay man and Wiggins being the flowery, girly stereotypical gay man. They are not openly gay, but connotation is a tactic often used in film to deal with onscreen homosexuality, that makes the characters more queer than openly gay (Benshoff & Griffin, 2004, p. 7).

Mannerisms:

With the following images, we can see how characters are made inherently queer through their mannerisms. Disney uses stereotypes of queer people such as their behaviors, to reinforce stereotypes of queer people. Cover (2004) discusses how “stereotyping reduces individuality and diversity, into wrongful notions of behavior” (pg. 81). In class, we’ve discussed how queer people are represented: flamboyant, hyper feminine, fashionable, etc. By assigning queer people these stereotypes, and by continuing to portray characters with these stereotypes, we will continue to see these mannerisms and behaviors as negative.

(Scar, “The Lion King”, Disney 1994)

This gif shows Scar from The Lion King. In this scene, Scar is speaking XXX. One way Scar is made incidentally queer is by the placement of his paw. He has the back his paw placed on his forehead, and his eyes are closed. From the gif, it looks like he is speaking dramatically. Queer people, gay men in particular, have been typically portrayed as over the top and dramatic. In this scene with Scar, we can see this stereotype being played out. Because By portraying queer men as “drama queens,” we are reducing their emotions down to say they aren’t valid because showing emotion is only acceptable for women. By doing this, we are also saying that drama is only associated with women. This actions continue to place gender roles on both men and women, and acting out of your gender roles is queer.

(Gaston, “Beauty and the Beast” Disney, 1991)

This GIF shows a scene in Beauty and the Beast where the villain Gaston is upset about Belle’s behavior; she rejected him in public and now he sits in a pub is singing about how great of a man he is. His friend Lefou is joining in on the song and gets other men in the pub to sing about Gaston as well, making the entire scene fairly queer. In this GIF specifically, Gaston is acting queerly from your traditional, heterosexual, masculine, male. While Gaston’s physique is that of a traditionally masculine man, his mannerisms suggest queerness. Gaston sits on the chair, with his leg pointed in a feminine manner. He is also singing about using antlers in all of his decorating. Traditional gender roles assume women do housework, including any decorating. In the GIF, Gaston is breaking gender roles and is inherently queer while doing so.

(Hades, “Hercules”, Disney, 1997)

In this image, the villain Hades from Hercules is inherently queer by the way he dresses, and holds his drink. Hades sits on his “throne” and sips what appears to be a martini. A stereotype of gay men, is that they drink “girly” drinks including martinis. Hades’ drink is pink yet he is portrayed as blue. Historically, blue is associated with boys, and pink is associated with girls. This juxtaposition of color as well as Hades’ mannerisms, questions these roles of gender. Hades’ clothes also questions normative gender roles; Hades’ wears a long garment that resembles a dress. As we know, dresses are “for women.” His neckline is also fairly low-cut and shows off parts of his skin. One stereotype with gay men and queer people is that they can be hypersexual and show off lots of skin. By having Hades break these normative gender roles, he is inherently queer.

Breaking Notions of Normativity:

In these images, we can see how Disney used villains and the concept of villains, to queer their films. By queering films, we are gaining representation for queer folk, and we are also breaking away from historical representations of characters. However, using the representations of queerness for villain's only is not something Disney should continue doing. We can see how much representation matters, and how Disney is creating breakout texts through their representation that is beginning to deviate from exclusively villainous roles.

(Ursula, The Little Mermaid, Disney, 1989, and drag queen Divine)

In the 1989 film The Little Mermaid, the villain Ursula was modeled after drag performer Divine. This depiction is a double edged sword because on one end, basing a character off a queer personality means representation. Making them a prominent character forces a dialogue that couples with the AIDs epidemic at its height. However, this depiction is ultimately harmful because the representation affirms the notion that queerness is a villainess trait. Furthermore, this depiction was strictly visual as Divine was not going to voice the role. This ultimately harmful depiction relates to DeClues notions of visibility, “The violence of erasure, the refusal of visibility, the pain of a contingent inclusion.”.The result is a villain whose inspiration blurs notions of normativity, but only for the sake of harming queerness.

(Te Ka, The central antagonist of Moana is full of fury and rage. Her spirit is eventually quelled when Moana tells her of her true identity)

Moana is a unique in the world of Disney. In many ways, this film queers the very tropes Disney is known for founding. With Pacific Islanders as the central cast, the film breaks the mold of standard western depictions of Disney Royalty. Moana is also unique because her Disney princess status is not correlated with a Disney prince. Furthermore, her final conflict with Te Ka does not involve the classic Disney Fall. The Fall is a trope where in a Disney villain falls to their death. This releases the protagonist from accountability or moral ambiguity. Instead Moana reminds Te Ka with who she really is through the song “Know Who You Are.”

Based off of these unique perspectives and the commercial success (grossing over $640 million), one could argue that Moana serves as a breakthrough text. Cavalcante notes this relevance in Communication Culture and Critique. “...Beyond their content, breakout texts are largely defined by their reception, their use, the sociality they facilitate, and their everyday life context.” This example shows that breaking notions of normativity, can be successful.

(The news anchors in Zootopia, a cheetah (predator) and a moose (prey))

While this example is not a villain, we can see the villainization of predators in Zootopia. The central conflict involves society that villainizes predators and looks to wedge a division between the population; predators vs. prey. In the above image, there is something that can be considered as progressive; we have a predator cheetah, co-hosting the news with a moose (prey). This is inherently queer because it breaks the barriers between predator and prey, similarly to how barriers may be broken between heteronormativity and queerness.

Disney is willing and able to make accommodations. The strength of representation cannot be stressed enough. Each region can find something to relate to. The benefits of this depiction also come in the form of normativity. These anchors do not have an impact on the story. They are neither antagonist or protagonist. Instead they exist on a periphery that enforces diversity is normal, commonplace, and apolitical.

Conclusion:

Although Disney is moving toward more “queer” representation in their animated films, there is still progress to be made. As these images show, Disney has primarily used villains as a way to portray queerness (likely not even intentionally) and that is problematic for the queer community due to the negative connotations villains have. Disney needs to make a move toward including queer characters in protagonist roles so that there may be positive representation for queer audiences to relate to. It need not be made a huge event or publicity stunt, but it could be done tastefully in a way that makes it present without becoming problematic as well as being the forefront and not just background characters

Resources

Benedict, R. (2017, March 3). “13 Classic Disney Characters Who Were Probably Gay”. Retrieved from https://hornet.com/stories/classic-gay-disney-characters-probably/

Benshoff, H.& Griffin, S. (2004). “Queer Cinema, The Film Reader”.

Cavalcante, A. (2017). Breaking Into Transgender Life: Transgender Audiences’ Experiences With “First of Its Kind” Visibility in Popular Media.

Cover, R. (2004). Bodies, movements and desires: lesbian/gay subjectivity and the stereotype, Continuum: Journal of Media and Cultural Studies, 18(1), 81-97, DOI: 10.1080/1030431032000181012

DeClue, J. (2017). To Visualize the Queen Diva! Transgender Studies Quarterly, 4(2).

Goldstone, A. D., Hahn, D., McArthur, S., Schumacher, T., Allers, R., & Minkoff, R. (1994). The Lion King, United States: Walt Disney Pictures.

Goldstone, A. D., Clements, R., & Musker, J. (1997). Hercules, United States: Walt Disney Pictures.

Hanh, D., Trousdale, G., & Wise, K. (1991). Beauty and the Beast, United States: Walt Disney Pictures.

King, B. (2017, October 9). 10 Fictional Characters Surprisingly Based on Real People | Film Daddy. https://www.filmdaddy.com/all-articles/characters-based-on-real-people

#queermediastudies queerdisney disneyvillains #photoessay changedisney

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breakingarrows · 5 years

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Discourse Conversations During E3 2019

Watching press conferences and livestreams of various talking heads discuss whatever video game thing they saw that day is only part of E3. Another major part is the social media discussions that unfold faster and accumulate more conversation than any ten hour IGN livestream could. However, like any form of discourse being developed on Twitter and elsewhere, it can be easily lost if you aren’t in the moment, and nearly impossible to find due to some of the best commentary coming indirectly. This is a small attempt to capture some of that discourse that unfolded during this week of E3 2019.

Before E3 even started we already had a large social media argument about “spoilers” for the press conferences. Essentially: people went back and forth on whether or not to share/publish/promote leaks of things like, “This game surprise is going to happen!” While things like Breath of the Wild direct sequel being announced is a fun secret to watch live, a headline report spreading online beforehand isn’t something to condemn. The sort of corporate love-fest E3 already is will only continue when gamers are actively antagonistic to anything other than the publisher message being put out. As many of these discourse conversations will go, this is the same old song and dance we have seen for over a decade. If you don’t want to see anything before a corporation hits “go” on a press conference, just stay offline and don’t bitch about it at whoever it is that’s publishing details earlier than the publisher dictated commercial. People trying to frame this as hurting developers feelings should redirect that energy towards unionization and fair pay advocacy, not, “Please don’t publish details early, these people worked really hard to sell me this game.”

Perhaps the biggest thread-spawner was the reappearance of Cyberpunk 2077 from CD Projekt Red at the Microsoft press conference. Developer CDPR also owns GOG, which has previously tweeted a gamergate related gif of Postal 2, a, “did you just assume their gender?” response tweet from the Cyberpunk account, and using the #WontBeErased for GOG games. Eurogamer has a rundown of it all here. Then this week, you have Keanu Reeves making a surprise appearance in the game Cyberpunk 2077 as well as on the Microsoft stage to announce the release date. The internet goes wild, fueled by post-John Wick 3 hype and long-lasting Keanu love. Then an advertisement in-game for ChroManticore appears, bearing the image of a presumably trans-female with a large erect dick and the phrases, “Mix It Up,” and, “16 flavors you’d love to mix.” CDPR’s explanation via Polygon was: “This is all to show that [much like in our modern world], hypersexualization in advertisements is just terrible,” Redesiuk continued. “It was a conscious choice on our end to show that in this world — a world where you are a cyberpunk, a person fighting against corporations. That [advertisement] is what you’re fighting against.” Responses were generally critical of the ads message, intentional or not, as well as critical due to CDPR’s past actions. “Also, as a note, and this is all i'm gonna say: in proper context, that ad could absolutely be a meaningful statement in a cyberpunk world, and we don't know the context. But also, sadly, CDPR has burned all their trust and have given us little reason to take them in good faith.” [source] That about sums up most of the opinions coming from trans critics, CDPR has failed to properly respect them in the past, why should this be treated in good faith?

Discussions about cyberpunk weren’t limited just to the one game, as it also extended a previous conversation about the origins of cyberpunk as a genre and if the genre has any inherent themes no matter its adaptation or usage. One thread making the rounds argued that cyberpunk is inherently xenophobic, playing on fears of Eastern Asian cultures spreading and taking over the world. Other pushed back against this, citing early Japanese media that heavily influenced western cyberpunk fiction, not the other way around. The opinion I most agreed with was, “Maybe I'm being naive, but everyone keeps saying ‘Cyberpunk is good’ or ‘Cyberpunk is bad’ or ‘Cyberpunk is X’ as if cyberpunk is a cohesive, monolithic thing. It's a genre that has been around for decades which countless different creators have contributed to, and all of those creators were trying to say different things within the genre.” [source] “I am beginning to feel like strongly emphasizing genre as an acting force is kind of formalist nonsense? Like, cyberpunk or whatever isn't any *thing*--it's just a set of ideas some people have used, and other people can take or not take or use or not use.” [source]

Another big topic was the continuing saga of games as non-political and the back and forth between media and developers/publishers/PR in the lead up to a game’s release. Games have messages, but their creators, whether intentionally or due to PR, won’t engage with those ideas during pre-release coverage most of the time. Those sorts of conversations don’t happen until post-release, because the previews are generally focused on the gun-feel or summarizing slideshow pitches. There is also a disconnect between what “political” even means. “They think ‘political’ means being explicitly literalist about what every single moment means instead of being in any capacity complex or open to audience interpretation, for better or worse.” [source] Chris Avellone, longtime games writer, had a statement in a VG247 article about whether stories can be apolitical. “If you’re purposely pushing an agenda or point of view in your game – especially a real-world one that’s clearly divorced from the game world – and you’re dictating that perspective as correct vs. asking a question or examining the perspective more broadly, then it’s left the gaming realm and the ‘game’ has become a pulpit.” However, in an example like Far Cry 5, a game that doesn’t “push an agenda,” actively, still promotes a specific perspective or viewpoint as valid with its endings, as I detailed before. “But, another (very reasonable group, to which I largely subscribe) would say that ‘asking questions that emerge from perspectives in the fiction’ is *exactly* what being political is--interrogating our relationships to each other and the world.” [source] This topic also seemed to collapse in on itself when Watch Dogs Legion was announced, playing on the fears of a post-Brexit London and an authoritarian surveillance state, and coopting the “welcome to the resistance” which is mostly mocked by leftists online whenever someone from the right is kicked out of their group. Definitely not political.

This is also a very tired subject. Ubisoft for years, and other publishers as well, have avoided talking about their games messages relating to the current events during events like E3. Continually the press laments and pushes back against it on social media and sometimes in previews, but the cycle continues. “You know how I've argued ‘We need to stop debating if games are art and just do the job of treating them like art?’ It's also time to move past ‘Can games be apolitical?’ and just focus on continuing critical cultural analysis. Do the work, make it unavoidable, shift the frame. To be clear, I think we needed to spend some time on that earlier debate just to have a mass-level, stakes-setting conversation. But at this point, the best way to push back on ‘No, no, we just make games just ask questions’ is to show how those games actually offer answers.” [source] This is true, but it’s also something others (mostly non-staff people) have been saying for years now.

The annual, “E3 is weird huh?” conversation also happened, like it has for at least the past five years. In May it begins with, “Man what is E3 going to be like this year?” Then E3 happens, everyone does their shit, and at the end they go, “Boy what’s next year going to be like?” The major difference this time was Sony’s complete absence from the show. Despite not having a press conference or show floor presence with demos and presentations, games media still had plenty to talk about, including E3’s relevance. It seems to be the same old song and dance, with the ending statement being, “Well I guess we’ll wait and see what next year is like.”

Another repeated conversation was that of video game streaming platforms, with Stadia having another presentation pre-E3 and Microsoft coming out with console and internet streaming plans for later this year. No real advances were made in this conversation other than confirmation that, yeah, Stadia streaming for those with data caps on internet or smartphone use are going to be fucked if they want the best presentation, which of course they would. Not a ton of talk about the details behind how developers would be paid, though going by how streaming has been slowly killing the movie and music industries, it is not going to be good. Of course the usual access and archivist arguments continue, which I am 100% behind.

New game details sparked lots of speculation, mostly in regards to a direct sequel to Breath of the Wild, one of the few good Zelda games. Being a direct sequel to a previous entry and having a trailer with a darker tone, mean Majora’s Mask became a recurring subject in regards to what this follow up could be. The inclusion of visuals and audio cues seemingly from Twilight Princess also fueled the “darker” Zelda sequel. Some also speculated about a playable Zelda, which, don’t get your hopes up people, this is Nintendo after all.

A game closer in release and in my heart is Final Fantasy VII Remake, which looks to be a big fucking hot mess. Broken up into parts, each seemingly equivalent to a mainline Final Fantasy game in content, this first one releasing next March (we’ll see about that) will only cover the Midgar section of Final Fantasy VII. You know, that section that takes about five hours to complete in the original release. Now that’s going to be extended into probably 30+ hours, which means lots of new original content coming from Square Enix, who are great at adding great new content to the already existing universe of Final Fantasy VII! Despite that I’m still very interested in getting my hands on it and playing through it all. I really like the opening hours of Final Fantasy VII, I just have little faith that they are going to do anything interesting with the new content and not make it feel like filler. It appears Jessie will have a much more expanded role, but still no word on the crossdressing or squats minigame. Combat has been very much changed, and everything is super overproduced in terms of visual flairs, which might explain why there will be TWO blu-ray discs! TWO! Red Dead Redemption 2 is the only other game to do this!

Back to Nintendo, Animal Crossing will now allow players to choose their skin tone, something that has been asked for a very, very long time now. They also confirmed they will let you use whatever hair type you want, which some people took and ran with as equivalent to them saying trans rights, which, no? “You guys please these are fucking table scraps. This is not pro-trans this is just a bare minimum feature for thee love of god.” [source] “Not only is that animal crossing thing a bare minimum there weren't hair restrictions in new leaf anyway???” [source] This was giving me flashbacks to when Soldier 76 was shown to be gay in a tertiary comic from Overwatch and people went nuts despite it not being represented in the game at all. Also, “quick reminder that nintendo fired a support team member bc of ppl making trans flag stages in smash bros” [source] [source]

There was some good news, Ikumi Nakamura came out and presented her new game Ghostwire to rapturous reception. A female creative director, a visually interesting trailer, and an excited jump at presenting her game made her the darling presenter alongside the likes of Keanu Reeves. She was previously an artist on Bayonetta, The Evil Within and its sequel, and made her own Twitter account during E3 to celebrate with her fans. Some of the reaction is probably rooted in how Asian women are treated as adorable and infantilized when compared to others, but she’s been having a good time gathering all the fan art of herself on Twitter, so for now it’s a nice break from the usual depressing nature of AAA publisher presentations.

Lastly, this wasn’t so much a part of the discourse but just an amazing moment, Dr Disrespect was banned from Twitch and thrown out of E3 after he live streamed in a bathroom without censoring other people’s faces, violating a California privacy law. As Alex so wonderfully stated, “this is our generation’s version of Capone going down for tax evasion.”

There was probably a lot of other conversations going on and this isn’t even the full depth of what I tried to find but boy does going back on timelines and searching for threads and responses and quote tweets and subtweets take way too much time. Anyway hope this proves to be a good time capsule for E3 2019 discourse and can’t wait for next year where a majority of these topics are readdressed again and again and again. Video games!

#E3 2019 #Video Games #Discourse #Criticism #writing

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performingwomen-blog · 6 years

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Asian/American - Response

It’s interesting to me that so much of the discourse about being Asian-American still has to focus on issues of reductive stereotyping, namely because discourse about being black in America seems to have gotten more complicated than that, though the issue is still relevant. I can’t find the exact quote, but somewhere early on in Kandice Chuh’s Imaginary Borders, she says that there is a long tradition of activism with respect to the rights of black Americans for which there hasn’t existed a parallel for Asian-Americans until relatively recently. I think this is the reason why the Asian-American movement still has to contend so breathlessly with poor or nonexistent representation and various kinds of essentalizing stereotypes, things that pro-black activists have been developing countermeasures for since the early nineteenth century. The performances of Canwen Xu and Denise Uyehara both seem to bear that out in their content, but also in their form; these are obviously two very smart, very talented women who, even in very liberal circles like (pseudo-)academia and the theater, still have to contend at a very basic level that they exist in complex ways that are distinct from one another and totally different from the various stereotypes that are propagated about them in popular culture.

This is the same context that informs Celine Shimizu’s project in The Hypersexuality of Asian/American Women. Her call for the reclamation of the hyper-sexualized Asian woman is at once a legitimization of the experiences of Asian-American sex workers/other folks on the sexual and economic margins, a subversion of the trope itself, and a contestation of the model minority myth, which sterilizes/renders vanilla the range of acceptable Asian-American sexualities and personalities. It was also interesting to think about representation with respect to Avril Lavigne’s “Hello Kitty.” Somewhat similar to how Shimizu makes a case for the perverse, I wanted to unpack my initial reading of the video as problematic and bad.

As Lavigne said in her tweets/Facebook post, the video was shot in Japan, with a Japanese director and Japanese choreographers, on her Japanese label, for her sizable population of Japanese fans. I did a little research to try and corroborate that last point: according to Business Insider, Lavigne’s self-titled album (released in 2013, featuring “Hello Kitty”) peaked at #2 on the Billboard charts in Japan and reached #1 in Taiwan and China. Furthermore, reports from the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (via the Recording Industry Association of Japan--here’s the translated/collated/wiki-fied version, sources at the bottom) indicate that Japan has been the world’s second (and sometimes first) largest music market since at least 2004 (earliest available record), which means that Avril Lavigne has probably had fans in Japan since the first half of the second Bush administration (“Sk8r Boi” was released in 2002). So it actually isn’t any surprise at all that she ended up making this weird-bad dubstep remix of a poorly written English language J-pop song, and it isn’t a surprise that the music video she made for it rehearses many of the same tropes that show up in that genre.

For comparison, here’s a recent showing from what Wikipedia tells me is one of the most popular J-pop groups on the planet, Momoiro Clover Z. Again, there are lots of pastel colors and cursory/superficial representations of Japanese culture, all of them within the aesthetic range of “Hello Kitty”--though the performances and production value are way, way better (bonus points for the rapping black guy). This is all to say that the J-pop genre literally exists to essentialize, objectify, and commodify Japanese culture.

But to its credit, J-pop made by Japanese people is effectively Japanese people objectifying themselves willfully. Insofar as the performers are consenting parties, they are making their own choice to reduce and commodify their own racialized and gendered bodies.* And the objectification is very clearly meant for other Japanese people, which is to say that there is little to no risk of misrepresenting the culture, since the culture presumably knows what it’s own truth is and could effectively call bullshit if it saw that something about its representation was off.

What makes the “Hello Kitty” video dangerous is that Avril Lavigne is a white Canadian, not Japanese. As a result, we, viewing it from an American context, can be forgiven for assuming that (1) she made it for us, (2) she made it without the consent of “the Japanese” (whoever they can be said to be, since there are Japanese people in the video, but presumably not the ones who are empowered to decide what is and is not an appropriate representation of Japanese-ness to an American audience), and that (3) she did so in order to make herself look cool and trendy and marketable to us, her audience in North America. So the “Hello Kitty” video appears to us as appropriation, and a rehearsal of reductive stereotypes about Asian-ness/Asian-American-ness in front of an audience that still, impossibly, doesn’t know how to make sense of Asian-American bodies beyond these stereotypes. And it does this all in the interest of capital, which makes it even worse.

You could argue that because it’s a J-pop-style song and a J-pop-style music video, and because she has a significant fanbase in Japan, we Americans should recognize that Avril Lavigne did not intend the video solely or even mostly for North American consumption. You could also argue that because the whole creative team and label were Japanese, she didn’t take Japanese culture without asking the proper authorities. You could conclude (and I would hesitantly agree) that the “Hello Kitty” music video isn’t open appropriation, but a consequence of an evermore global music industry--albeit a really shitty showing of what that industry is capable of, even when it comes to making extremely vapid music (for comparison, I present exhibit B, the best-selling idol group in Japan, AKB48). You could even go as far as to say that, if anything, it was Avril Lavigne’s whiteness that her team were trying to commodify, packaging her and selling her to the Japanese public as the infantile, exotic Occidental, fumbling her way through the language and locales with childlike cuteness. But in the end, intent doesn’t excuse consequence. Avril Lavigne and her team should have recognized that because she’s white and Canadian, her primary place of relevance was (is? do people still listen to Avril Lavigne?) North America. Had they done this, they may have realized that their music video would also have a life as a piece of North American popular culture, and would therefore contribute to the North American popular mis-imagining of Asian-Americans.

Does this mean that people who produce popular culture for America at one time shouldn’t produce for another culture at another time if it means that the product might impact negatively the situation at home? Doesn’t that severely curtail the ability for popular cultures to interact across borders, eliminating or at least limiting the ways in which American artists can engage with the cultures of nations that have representative populations in the US? Well, maybe. I don’t know. It could be a really good thing to develop a global popular culture market that’s systemically adverse to exoticism, even/especially the kind that objectifies white people. Not least because it might prevent us from having to witness more of these atrocities.

-sali.

*This becomes a really fraught statement when you consider the fact that J-pop idol culture seems predicated on adult male sexualization of teenage girls (here’s a documentary for you if you want to learn more). I don’t feel confident in my ability to critique the statement further because I don’t belong to contemporary Japanese culture, nor have I engaged meaningfully in its study. But incapability or no, I felt that it would be irresponsible to not include this caveat.

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aion-rsa · 7 years

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INTERVIEW: Spurrier Talks Legion TV Debut and His New Series Godshaper

Simon Spurrier plans on mixing equal parts deity-altering abilities, epic-level worldbuilding and social commentary in his new four-issue series “Godshaper,” illustrated by Jonas Goonface. The April-launching book published by BOOM! Studios takes place in a world where everyone has their own personal deity, except for Ennay and his fellow Shapers. That leaves them at a distinct disadvantage, but doesn’t stop Ennay from hanging out with equally partnerless god Bud and playing mind-bending music.

In addition to the new series, the writer’s also looking forward to tonight’s premiere of Fox and Marvel Television’s Legion” on FX. Spurrier saw just how interesting of a character that David Haller is, and showcased him in a starring role in the pages of “X-Men: Legacy” from 2012 to 2014. Having written Legion’s most recent adventures, and some of the only other story’s with David Haller as a lead character, he’s excited to see the new direction taken with him on the small screen.

RELATED: EXCLUSIVE: Supernatural Symbiotic Spiders Run The World in Spurrier’s “Weavers”

CBR News talked with Spurrier about what makes Legion an “instantly relatable” character, constructing the world of “Godshaper,” integrating music into comics and what exactly a “Godshaper” is.

“Godshaper” #1 main cover by Jonas Goonface.

CBR News: I like a title that immediately raises a question or gets me thinking. With that in mind, what is a Godshaper?

Simon Spurrier: Haha, glad you like it. As titles go it’s definitely an eye-catcher, and — if nothing else -– hints that you’re about to enter a world unlike our own. Which, OMG, you so are.

Worldbuilding’s definitely one of the things I’ve accidentally ended up being known for — see “The Spire” or “Six-Gun Gorilla” — but the big thing I want to say up front is that this is a story about two broken vagrant outcasts who, by traveling together, complete each other. A character-led rascally buddy-comedy roadtrip, in other words. Which just happens to be set in an amazing alternate-universe.

In what ways does the universe of “Godshaper” differ than our own?

It’s a universe where every human being has a private, personal god of their very own. Like, literally present and visible, constantly in attendance. These gods serve all sorts of practical functions. Part bodyguard, part super-powered servant, part bank account, part status-symbol. They’re literally the most important parts of this society. The bigger and more powerful your god, the more important a person you are. It follows that people are really vain about what their gods look like, and what super-skills they have.

So far so odd, right? Well, it turns out that there are in fact some people — like, one in a thousand — who don’t have gods. And they lead pretty sucky lives. They’re literally incapable of participating in wealth, they have zero social status, and no super powers. These guys are at the bottom of the heap.

The one thing they can do – and nobody really understands why or how this works – is that they can reshape and reconfigure other people’s gods, like molding wet clay. A new look, a new color, a new powerset. They can barter these skills for food and shelter. The upshot is that “Shapers”, as they’re known, are constantly hated but always in demand. A true servant underclass.

“Godshaper” #1 incentive cover by Sonny Liew.

  What is the human-god relationship like for most people in this story?

Gods have two major roles, and a whole bunch of minor ones. First and foremost, your god is a sort of bank account. The bigger your god is, the richer you are. When you want to buy something you simply pray to the seller’s god: it expands, yours shrinks. So this is a very visual version of our own capitalist culture, where wealth is constantly on show and people literally worship money. Secondly, your god fills the niche that modern technology occupies in our world. Combustion, transport, lighting: anything that makes human life a little bit easier. These things simply don’t work in the Godshaper universe. The laws of physics are kaput. They broke sometime in 1958, and nobody knows why.

Luckily, the gods showed up to fill the gap. The richer you are, the bigger your god and the more super powers it has. Maybe it can starts fires, freeze things, send messages hundreds of miles, turn into a vehicle, whatever. So, again, this is capitalism writ large: wealth equals the means to get shit done. Hence, power. Naturally enough those two principles have bred a whole host of secondary cultural nuances. If the gods have replaced technology then you start to wonder what war looks like in this world. Or crime. Or sport. Or justice. Or music. Aaaand, same token, since gods have replaced wealth they quickly come to be stand-ins for showy ostentation, y’know? They’re status-symbols and fashion-accessories.

The big trick here is that if you want to change your god’s look, to keep up with the trends, or more importantly if you want to switch-out one of your god’s super powers for something more useful, then you’re gonna have to call a Shaper. So Ennay and his fellow Shapers are really just a new take on something which has been present in pretty much every human society ever: a disenfranchised and reviled but overworked underclass. They’re vital to the smooth running of the world, and without them the whole house of cards comes crumbling down. But, in order for capitalism to work successfully, these penniless pariah-slaves have to remain loathed and disempowered. Basically, the world in “Godshaper” tells us a lot about our own.

 The story follows the exploits of Godshaper Ennay and the human-less god Bud. What kind of trouble do they find themselves getting into as the series kicks off?

Ennay’s attitude towards the rest of the world is, unsurprisingly, a pretty big part of his character arc. As I mentioned, Shapers are incapable of owning money but are in constant demand for their skills. I like to think of Victorian servants, y’know? Vital to the upper-classes, but regarded as dirty and shameful and forced to use the back door. Needless to say, Shapers get a lot of shit in the normal course of their lives.

But the nature of Ennay’s skills means that he’s frequently in a position to either save or sabotage the lives of the people around him. So you can imagine the kind of scrapes he’ll get sucked into. Petty villainy versus acts of altruism. Bitterness or heroism. Criminal or crime-fighter. And bubbling-up into the foreground is a whole bunch of madness to do with organized crime, organized religion, and all-out holy war.

As for Bud — he’s a mystery. Gods literally can’t exist without worshipers. Bud should’ve faded away long ago. But the little guy seems happy enough, and isn’t in any hurry to discover how or why he’s so different. Sadly for him, the world is about to focus on that mystery very closely indeed. One of the reasons Bud and Ennay have become such close friends is that when they’re together they can just about pass for ordinary. One human, one god. The moment they’re apart, things can — and frequently do — fall apart.

“Godshaper” #1 interior page.

Music seems to be important to the characters in this story. What are the challenges of integrating an aural artform into a visual medium like comics?

Without getting too formalist and wanky about this, I’d argue comics are the perfect medium to present speculative takes on otherworldly sound. One simply switches the ear for the eye, and lets the reader’s imagination take over. Comics, remember, are already hardwired for this sort of sophisticated synesthesia; swapping time for space and sound for text with every panel transition, speech balloon and onomatopoeic sound effect. Better yet, the music featuring in this comic comes complete with a whole underground cultural scene to go with it. Hence: glorious visuals.

Super-quick history lesson, brace yourself. One of the unexpected upshots of the arrival of the gods in the late 1950s was that popular culture totally stagnated. (Yes, before you ask, literally everything in this story is commentary of one sort or another.) The world’s stuck in this endless vanilla version of a 50s aesthetic, with limp-wristed rockabilly trends and squeaky-clean stars using their gods to produce safe, middle-of-the-road, synth-muzak pop.

Luckily there’s a vibrant underground scene. It’s a counter cultural movement called “cantik.” It’s raw, chaotic, hypersexual and very angry, where performers rely on their voices and their bodies to make music — rather than their gods. As its detractors put it: “an unholy racket.” Part punk, part poetry, part jazz, part something totally new. Gatherings occur in secret, on the outskirts of bumblefuck towns in the midwest.

Ennay’s a cantik performer – a damn good one. In fact the main thrust of the series is his race to get to San Francisco to play in a big cantik festival. He spends his entire life wanting to known – and respected – for his music. But all people ever see is his godlessness. Commentary, commentary, commentary…

What made you want to create this series with Jonas?

Actually — boring answer, sorry — the seed-idea arose in isolation. One of those crazy high-concept gigs: what would it be like if the world ran on metaphysics instead of physics? What would an outcast look like in that culture? I approached BOOM!, they found Jonas. And oh holy hell, thank goodness they did. He’s kind of come out of nowhere, at least as far as my radar’s concerned. Within literally moments of starting to sketch he’d single-handedly established the look and tone of the world and its godly inhabitants.

I think he’s going to be a very important talent in this industry. “Godshaper” is one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever seen.

“Godshaper” #1 interior page.

In other comics news, “Legion” debuts this week. You wrote that character extensively in X-Men Legacy. Have you seen any of it yet?

As of writing this, no. Just the trailers and teasers, like the rest of you. Got to say I’m pretty excited, though. It looks like a wonderfully creative and — I normally hate this word, but it fits here — quirky take on some of the themes we explored in the comic. The show makers seem to be treating the material (specifically: mental unwellness) with a touch that’s both light and deep, which I fully endorse. For me the biggest gauge on its success will be whether the comedy elements constitute punching upwards or downwards.

RELATED: Spurrier Explores Legion’s Familial “Legacy”

Is it surreal seeing this character you worked on so long translated to live action?

Based on what little I’ve seen…? Honestly, no, not especially surreal. I think the human brain is exceptionally good at compartmentalizing and rationalizing fictions, so it can absorb value without tripping-up on awkward details. It’s why we don’t mind that Batman appears in a dozen different books, with different costumes and continuities, in games and LEGOs and movies and ’66 flashbacks and so on and so forth, all at once. They’re all great stories in their own right, and as readers we understand on some secret level that we’d ruin the whole lot of them for ourselves if all we ever looked for is the places they don’t match up. It’s why we don’t care that the details of the movie-Avengers don’t perfectly tally with the details of the comics Avengers, or the same character seems to have slightly different motives in their solo book versus a team book, or yadda yadda yadda.

Basically as consumers we’re sophisticated enough to accept stories on their own terms. And I think, as comics fans, we’re probably a step ahead on that too, having spent our lives performing the subconscious equivalent of pretending not to notice every time a reboot or retroboot conflicts with our understanding of a character’s life.

Which is the very long-winded way of saying that my David Haller was not precisely the same as the one who’d appeared in comics beforehand anyway. They’re linked, they share ideas and histories, they’re even abstractly the same, but they exist in separate narrative mental territories. Therefore I have absolutely no problem seeing the TV version in the same light: enjoyably linked to the comic-book work, but a clearly distinct entity.

You obviously saw plenty in the character to carry a series, but how do you think that will transfer into the world of television?

I think there’s just so much you can do with a character like David. Not just in terms of the things he can do and the plots he can generate, but the sheer volume of thematic weight he can carry. He’s a youngster with almost godlike power, whose single greatest enemy is his own brain. That’s the sort of amazing conflict-setup which works as an allegory for pretty much any struggle, internal or external, any of us has ever faced. Instantly relatable. That’s character gold.

“Godshaper” #1 interior page.

“Godshaper” #1 descends on April 12 from Si Spurrier and Jonas Goonface.

The post INTERVIEW: Spurrier Talks Legion TV Debut and His New Series Godshaper appeared first on CBR.com.

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