#and when they remember what's actually at stake they downplay it entirely

[lord-squiggletits]

The thing about Prowl is I don't really think canon was ever trying to frame him as a "necessary evil" or anything along the lines of "he's a shitty person but his work was necessary" like mmm.... That feels very much like something Prowl wants to believe about himself, not something that's actually factually true in reality.

I can't really make a good argument about it because I only remember like a handful of standout Prowl Moments in IDW1 but like... Prowl dropping a bomb on a neutral city and blaming it on the Decepticons is not "a necessary evil," that's a war crime. Prowl trying to destroy the space bridge to Caminus to keep Starscream from getting power over it, dooming the entire planet and its inhabitants to extinction by starvation, is not "a necessary evil," it's a fucking war crime. I feel like trying to frame such drastic measures as him "doing the dirty work of the Autobots" feels way too much like an excuse for actions that actually aren't justifiable. Especially since Prowl himself is far from being the 100% rational guy he thinks he is, considering how often he bases his decisions on things like his anti-Decepticon bias and his general refusal to follow any orders that contradict what he thinks is The Right Thing To Do (TM).

But also I think this is kind of the fault of the narrative of IDW1, since very few Autobots besides Prowl are given the chance to actually be morally gray even when the worldbuilding implicates them in some very morally gray things. Like, for example, JRO adding in the existence of MTOs which implies that the normally squeaky-clean leader Optimus was willing to approve the creation of new soldiers just to throw them into combat (and even the attempts to humanize the MTOs by giving them "an education" were eventually cut down to nothing but combat optimizations). And there's also the fact that Optimus knows about the Wreckers and has been known to call them on missions at least once (Stormbringer), meaning he's very much aware of the Wreckers and their tactics and is willing to call them in for fights when it's necessary.

I don't think you need to use Prowl as a crutch to make the Autobots morally gray. I think the Autobot leadership (or at least, Optimus, since few people besides him or Prowl seem to have major tactical command over the army as a whole) is plenty morally gray enough on its own, because the nature of war is inherently morally gray no matter how righteous your cause is. Reducing the lives of your own people into numbers on maps, harvesting resources, bringing MTOs to life just to die in a war they practically have no stake in, those things are enough.

And tbh it kind of bothers me when people try to saddle Prowl with the "dirty work of the Autobots", not just because it frames Prowl's blatantly evil actions as some sort of savior act taking the blame from the rest of the Autobots (which isn't even accurate, because the blame for war crimes falls on the entire army as an institution rather than one person), but because it downplays the moral grayness of the Autobots and pretends that no Autobot BESIDES Prowl ever participated in morally gray actions, which simply isn't true.

TLDR: Prowl isn't as much of a hero as he thinks he is because committing atrocities in the name of your cause doesn't change the fact that they're atrocities (and may not have even been justified). However, painting Prowl as the "token evil teammate" of sorts also places too much blame for the atrocities of war on him in particular, when in reality that's a burden shared by Optimus Prime and any other members of the Autobot military command structure.

#squiggposting #meta #prowl feels like one of those characters where people trust what he says at face value when like. he's very much not a reliable narrator #prowl SAYS that he does the dirty work no one else is willing to do but. is it really dirty work? #or is it just him authorizing dirty work and hiding it on his own and justifying it in the name of 'it's for the autobots'? #to draw on an old fandom of mine: 'what is the difference between you and the decepticons now?' #'isn't it obvious prime? i serve the autobots' #but also this is kind of the fault of JRO because like he's the main idw writer that explores what things were like during the war #while still being unwilling to part from the ideal of OP as the best prime and the all good and loving leader #barber gets into morally gray OP but it almost entirely concerns post war stuff so i wouldnt really count it

[professoruber]

Off. Between this and the out shop, these blackouts seem to be a big enough issue to be negatively affecting the businesses. Definitely adds some more stakes if her family’s livelihood’s at stake.

“We roll with it” is a nice sentiment but it does feel like they’re purposely trying to downplay the potential severity and impact of the blackouts since Lu’s just a kid. Still, doesn’t seem like she’s entirely soothed.

YUP! Its a supervillain. Tbh my first thought when I saw this was Livewire but then I immediately remembered she’s a DC villain while this is a marvel show. 

Her fixing stuff at the roller stake ring already showed she was smart and familiar with tech, but wow. Trying to construct a power generator to stuff the blackouts is a lofty goal. That and the fact she solved a rubrics cube without looking all goes to establish her as SMART(TM).

I do kind of feel she’s somewhat underestimating what would happen if she actually succeeded though. First of all, they’d probably be legalities involved with constructing a power generator for an entire neighbourhood. And if she managed to build this theoretical space program power generator then she’d be tracking plenty of attention for interested parties.

It is very nice though how her main concern is on her neighbourhood and the blackouts plaguing it.

Oh my, do these two have a history? Former best friends torn apart by time and differing interests or something? Because they definitely reacted when seeing one another.

#professoruber liveblogs #moon girl and devil dinosaur #moon girl and devil dinosaur liveblog #moon girl and devil dinosaur spoilers #moon girl and devil dinosaur episode 1

[ilikekidsshows]

hi! i was wondering if you could talk about the conflict in Frozer? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Yeah, let’s do this thing!

When I covered Adrien's confession to Ladybug in 'Glaciator', I mentioned that Marinette actually talked around how she felt about Cat Noir's feelings for her. She didn't address whether or not she reciprocated his feelings or if she wanted him to not pursue her. She merely said that she felt it was important to let him know that she was in love with someone else. Because we see Adrien keep pursuing her after this, he must have interpreted her words as "I'm in love with someone else right now, but that can change", which is not an unreasonable interpretation. In fact, this same interpretation is present in Luka's pursuit of Marinette, where Luka interprets her feelings for Adrien as "I love him now, but you can try to win me over."

So, even though Marinette is in love with Adrien and dedicated to pursuing him, she's not entirely against being romanced by the boys a bit. And I mean a little bit. In 'Frozer' we see her set a clear boundary as to how far she's willing to allow Cat Noir to go with their "romantic friendship": roses are too much. To Marinette, a rose is far too romantic a gift to accept when she doesn't feel like she returns Cat Noir's feelings, so she shuts him down. Cat Noir's presentation of the rose in 'Frozer' was a blatant courting gesture too, which made her draw out of the interaction more. Marinette didn't want to have the same conversation again as the one in 'Glaciator', so she left when Cat Noir asked her whether or not things could be different.

Side note: this is why Adrien has to convince her to accept the rose in the 'United Heroez' special: roses specifically are something Marinette personally attaches firmly into romantic territory and she wants to be sure she doesn't send mixed signals in accepting it. Because she doesn't want to have the conversation again, even when she probably should. This is also why she won’t think about how she feels for Cat Noir: she’s made the decision that it’s not gonna be on the table to be considered. But, since our feelings aren’t what we decide them to be, she just ends up being in denial.

And then we have Adrien's reaction to Marinette setting her boundaries. He's hurt and confused because Ladybug seemingly abandons him. He asked Marinette if maybe things could be different, and she answered "I don't know", and left him right after. Because of how abruptly the conversation ended, he ends up thinking about her answer all day. Him trying to pursue Kagami was directly spurred on by the thought: "is it worth it to pursue a girl on an 'I don't know'?" He's still thinking about it when Frozer attacks, which is why he tells Ladybug he'll need some space at the start of the fight.

This is where I have to give these two such props for their communication and faith in each other. Adrien isn't really mad at Ladybug, he's just still stinging from getting ditched that same morning, and he makes sure his Lady knows that by telling her he needs some space with a couple of puns thrown in. We can even see how Marinette correctly interprets these signals, changing her "please don't tell me you're mad at me" to "don't get all pouty on me" during the conversation, meaning she understands that Cat Noir's negative feelings aren't directed at her. The downside to this interaction is that they're both downplaying Cat Noir's feelings, which gives Marinette the misconception that him being understandably hurt is just him being "pouty", that his negative feelings are somehow more immature than others' and therefore don't bother him as much.

This episode shows how Cat Noir and Ladybug are stuck in a feedback loop: Cat Noir downplays his own negative emotions to such a degree that Marinette doesn't realize he really has them so she also downplays them, which makes Adrien want to hide the negative emotions he feels even more because he's afraid of getting the same censure he gets from his father if he lets them slip. In Finnish we call this a "noidankehä", a witch's circle, which refers to a sequence of events with negative effects that keeps repeating indefinitely because the people involved keep enabling the actions that lead to the events occurring. Ladybug and Cat Noir are really good at communicating the information they want the other to have to each other. They’re just making some questionable decisions over what information should be kept secret.

This circling tedency is actually why it's a good thing that Adrien brought up his negative emotions with Ladybug. Him bringing them up at all means that he trusts that she cares, even when he can't gather his courage to have a full-blown conversation with his partner about his negative feelings. This episode shows that they can break out of their loop. However, that won't happen before 'United Heroez', which is such a pity, because this situation had lower stakes for them both and would have been perfect practise for them to get used to Cat Noir opening up so that the attempt in 'United Heroez' wouldn't have been such a flop.

And the theme of trusting each other is also apparent in Marinette's reaction to Cat Noir leaving. She's frustrated at the timing of the whole thing, but she doesn't hold it against Cat Noir. Instead she lets him feel his feelings the way he requested and welcomes him back with a smile once he's done. She has such trust in her kitty coming back to her. This is also one of the few times Cat Noir has opened up to Marinette about feeling badly, and he didn't need her to do anything, because he had it handled. So Marinette didn't pay the whole thing too much mind, since it was fine. I remember when I first saw this episode and just thought “what a nice episode about how sometimes your friend needs space and it doesn’t mean you’re fighting.” But now, with hindsight, I can see there was so much more than that going on.

Basically, my takeaway on 'Frozer' is that the conflict itself was more of a hiccup between the characters than anything, but man, doesn't the hiccup seem like a premonition in hindsight.

#dats chats #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml meta #long post

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

#check please #omgcheckplease #omgcp #will poindexter #chris chow #derek nurse #nurseydex #dexnursey #dibs #friendship #romance #chirping as flirting #dance with somebody #evie writes #fanfiction

[almasexya]

Gamera is Really Neat! Gamera is Full of Meat! (Gamera vs. Gyaos, 1967)

As the story goes, after the previous film in the Gamera series, Gamera vs. Barugon, Daiei had a problem. From what I’ve been able to piece together, the target audience (that is, preteen boys) ran amok during the boring bits where adults were talking about adult things. Clearly something had to change - and Daiei acted with surgical precision. They took the team from their hit Daimajin series and got them to work on Gamera.

Wait, who am I kidding? That didn’t happen, but what did was almost entirely predictable: They put Noriaki Yuasa back into the director’s chair, with Niisan Takahashi penning the script, and this dynamic duo would helm the series up until the 1980s when Daiei went belly up.

Remember back in the Gamera vs. Barugon review where I mentioned that by the first sequel, the Gamera series more or less had its formula in place for future installments? Well team, we’re there. Gamera vs. Gyaos is a lot of things, but honestly at this point in the series the plots, whatever the hell they even are, just kind of write themselves.

Anyway, the film starts off with a whole bunch of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions that baffle scientists and reporters throughout Japan. Before we have a chance to let that whole situation breathe, we’re introduced to the real protagonist of the story, a young boy named Eichi (Naoyuki Abe) who lives in a village near Mt. Fuji where the movie’s B plot is getting going.

Kaiju film B plots are nearly always filler designed to kill time between guys in rubber suits beating the hell out of each other, but the good ones at least understand things like emotion and pacing, while the bad ones just plod along endlessly, repeating the same scenes so obviously that you can almost hear the director’s sigh of relief when the big monster shows up on screen.

Anyway, the B plot here involves a big corporation (literally called the Road Corporation in the cut I watched, which kind of hurts your buy-in a little) trying to buy up the land in a small village so they can continue their big highway project. Mt. Fuji is erupting and all, but we can’t stop progress!

Normally you might expect the big corporation to be up to no good, maybe trying to scare the villagers or trick them into bum deals, but nope, not at all what’s going on here, as the foreman on duty is a certified Nice Guy who refuses to take the low road in any kind of circumstance - meaning that the only real conflict here comes from the villagers, who are trying to hold out for a better deal.

I’ve already written more on this B-plot than I think the movie even cares about it, considering it doesn’t waste much time bringing up strange glowing green lights that shoot cheesy-looking lasers and blow up research helicopters. Before long Eichi and a conniving reporter character find out what’s doing the shooting - a giant bat like creature with a head like an anvil and nasty glowing eyes. The reporter gets eaten almost immediately, but Gamera shows up in time to save Eichi, and then promptly gets his butt kicked by the new monster before spiriting Eichi away to safety.

The next scene, in what can only be described as a comedy smash cut, shows Eichi at the head of a giant briefing table staffed full of sagely officials and scientists, while he chirps away that the monster, which he named Gyaos, for a reason no one elaborates on, is a big evil monster, while Gamera is good!

If this sounds familiar, that’s because it is. Though he’s nowhere near as bad as the little twerp from the first Gamera film, Eichi fills more or less the same role here, despite how often the film decides to inexplicably cut back to people moaning about land negotiations while there’s a giant monster grudge match going on.

Even so, it’s hard to call Gamera vs. Gyaos boring, especially when the monster fighting kicks in and the humans start concocting increasingly ludicrous plans to stop it. The monster battles follow the same general format from the preceding entry in the series, with Gamera being sorely outmatched, getting his shell kicked all over town, and then finally coming in with a clinch victory in the final few minutes.

Gyaos feels like a great Gamera opponent, an evil vampire bat that loves blood, only comes out at night, and can regenerate lost limbs (in one particularly violent scene, Gamera literally bites Gyaos’ toes off). As before, the fights are bloody and brutal - what the Gamera films lack in choreography and direction, they try to make up for with buckets of green monster blood that gush out in aggressive arterial sprays. Gyaos’ design, while retaining that cheap, chintzy feeling all the Gamera suits have, is simple and imposing enough that it works, without being so busy that it’s distracting. Gamera looks the same as he ever did, to the point where I have to assume it’s the same suit from the last two films, considering the amount of variation in Godzilla’s design.

The fights themselves mainly involve laser shooting, and when they don’t the monsters just kind of slam into each other until somebody either leaves or dies. This is pretty par for the course for Gamera, and the direction is fairly bland, mostly just concerned with putting the action in front of the camera without much thought paid to how it actually looks. That said, the brutality on display somewhat makes up for the lack of vision, though it can’t help but feel somewhat hollow, a cheap parlor trick designed to keep the kids’ asses in their seats.

Gamera vs. Gyaos is a thrill ride of weaponized nonsense that, especially when compared to what’s coming, is about as good as the kiddie-oriented films in the series get. Despite how hard the film tries to downplay them, the film feels like it has stakes, and there are moments where it actually looks like our preteen hero is in danger, which is more than I can say for what’s ahead. Considering how well the Gyaos are used in the 90s Gamera trilogy, this one is worth checking out if you’re interested in Gamera’s roots, though a casual fan should probably stick with Godzilla.

#monster monday #Gamera vs Gyaos

[normal-thoughts-official]

At what exact moment do you think malec fall in love?that moment in 1×06 when Magnus uses Alec's strength and then falls down exhausted? It's such an underrated moment but one can write a whole essay on it

as a matter of fact, yes, i do believe it was the moment in 1.06 (there is a reason it is my header, after all) and im really glad u asked because its one of my favorite moments and Ive been thinking of making a post about it in forever but never got to it so [cracks knuckles]

well, actually, i think 1.06 was the moment magnus fell in love. i dont know when alec fell in love, to be honest - i think with him, it was just something that kind of settled and clicked into place, you know? there was that attraction and there was the fact that magnus was an amazing person who had amazing chemistry with alec and who fought for him and extended his hand and tried to comfort him without judgement when no one would really allow him to be himself - and who gave him a space to be more of him than any other. but i dont think there was a precise moment when it hit Alec, and suddenly he had fallen; i think he realised he loved magnus when he said he loved him, but at that point it was already cemented. alec is a steady, careful guy; when he falls, he falls hard and becomes an absolute imbecile but until then it kind of settles in slowly, lodges itself inside of him until its carefully in place, and he doesnt really know when it happened. honestly, i relate to that because that's how it works for me, too.

but with Magnus, it was a little different - he had closed himself off from love for centuries, and while obviously he only fell in love with alec because he was already on the pathway to recover and had been for a while now, sure and steady (alec is definitely the right person for him, but he also came at the right time, cuz if he hadnt Magnus wouldnt really be able to allow himself to give in to the obvious pull they had), breaking that kind of wall is hard and is, for many people, something that happens suddenly, all at once, like the crash of a tsunami wave; it kind of isnt there until it suddenly is, flooding out and filling you. and with magnus that's definitely what happened; he had a click moment, when suddenly his walls were down and he found himself feeling, despite himself

you can see a clear difference in how magnus treats alec in 1.04-05 and how he does in 1.06. in 1.04-05 hes flirty, yes, obviously interested, but hes doing it teasingly, playfully, confident in a way that is only possible when theres not much on the line. don't get me wrong, i dont think he was using alec or lying to him - that's not the kind of person Magnus is at all - i just think that it was harmless flirting and interest with not much at stake. he was keeping his kind of playboy, devil-may-care persona (with the exception of the moment when he told alec there was nothing to be ashamed of, because of course magnus "compulsive emotional support" bane would immediately drop the act when he sees someone struggle. ugh. and alec notices this, too, all right, he can see right through to the person magnus really is in that moment, even if he closes himself off). and that wasnt even just in front of Alec; the whole "playing hard to get, i love a challenge" thing was after alec had hung up, there was no one there, he was just talking to himself the dumb dork and it is clear there is not much at stake for him here; he isnt in love, so theres no chance of heartbreak

compare that to the way he acted during drinks with Alec in 1.06. its a completely different person. even in his posture, the way he looks at Alec and moves around him, his facial expressions, theres a softness and vulnerability that just wasnt there at any point before (did yall thank Harry Shum Jr for ur rights today? seriously the man is such a great actor his talent is unbelievable). and for magnus to allow himself to be vulnerable- well, that's big. that's what he was scared of, after all. that's what has brought him hurt and made him swear off romantic relationships for so long

and he says this; he opens up to alec, a person he barely knows, tells him a little about his past, tells Alec hes unlocked something in him. it's not harmless flirting anymore, its not just a mere pursuit of someone hes casually interested in; theres something way, way deeper going on, and this is abundantly clear throughout the whole scene and every single one of magnus' actions. magnus has fallen. this is serious now; hes feeling things he didnt even remember how to, and his entire demeanor changes.

and look, that's really important to me, okay, because i hate the whole love at first sight thing. so when i started watching sh, i was kind of turned off from malec because i was like "oh theyre gonna suddenly fall in love for no reason" but no. that's not what happened. they had attraction, and chemistry, yes, for sure, definitely, but the feelings that sparked inside of them were very much real and solid and built organically, even if quickly. malec is so powerful because their attraction and devotion to each other makes sense, and because their relationship is so trusting, happy, fun, and healthy.

so lets go to 1.06 - the defining moment, the big game changer for the both of them. i know the exact milisecond magnus falls in love - its this one

(gif isnt mine, i had it saved on my phone and dont remember who made it; if you do, please let me know so i can credit them)

bitch, you are seeing it happen!!! you're watching it, right now!! the way he looks up and his whole face changes; he goes from heavy breaths to these little puffs of air, looks up at alec in awe, and it's all over his face, the softness in his features, the open vulnerability hes showing for the very first time in the entire show - even when he was almost running out of magic, he still looked way more put together than he does in this moment; in here he is open, he has no masks, and hes absolutely soft and open and vulnerable. and you can see it dawn on him too, the realisation that he let alec in, just late enough for it to be too late. it's done. god, i cant fucking believe harry shum jr invented acting. like holy shit, dude

and alec sees it too; in this moment he looks down and he sees the vulnerability in magnus' face and he knows this is the real magnus; that's what he looks like without all the walls and masks, and it's just- beautiful. incredible. you can see the love and the softness inside of him and it's just so easy to find a home in those eyes of his, and ugh, i might be changing my mind, this was the moment alec fell in love too

but anygays, why now, right? what was the big gamechanger in this scene?

well, first of all, id like to stress again, just for good measure, that magnus was already well on his path to recovery from abuse and beginning to open up again; his journey through finding self love and strength to stand on his own feet and be able to open himself for others is his and his alone. alec could be his perfect match (and he is) (fuck it i dont care they are perfect for each other, i never really thought there was such a thing even in fictional couples but shit dude they really are as perfect as it gets, malec truly invented love its unbelievable) and it still wouldnt matter if magnus wasnt ready not only to open up, but to get in a relationship as his own person, and not putting himself down like with camille. of course, he still has a long way to go, and recovery is not a straight line, so he still does things like not tell him when hes hurt and downplay his own pain so as not to "annoy" him or whatever, but he is on equal ground. the very first thing that happens when they finally get together (after the whole wedding ordeal) is, they fight. because alec was being an asshole and treated magnus badly and was really rude and magnus was hurt and he was tired of always being the one to chase after Alec, and he told him that. that's extremely important, because it establishes that Magnus isnt just running after Alec or doing anything for him - he wants a mutually fulfilling relationship and hes willing to fight for it, demand it, not accept less than it. and that's fucking recovery right here, folks. it's so hard for previously abused people to do that. so hard. it still is hard for him, but hes doing it. so, again: Magnus' journey to opening up and finding space for a healthy relationship in his life is his and his alone. and they were lucky as shit to have met when they did.

so, with that being said: 1.06 (god, this answer is such a mess, im ndjdjdidicn). you can see magnus fall in love, right then and there. the moment it happens: when he falls, and realises Alec is still holding him, making sure hes steady. not just that, but holding his hand (despite that being totally unnecessary now), and asking him if he's okay.

it's really unsubtle symbolism (and i mean that in the best possible way): Alec holding him when he fell symbolizes support; holding his hand symbolizes caring, because he could just hold him as to not let him fall, but the fact that hes holding his hand shows that hes trying to support him not just physically, but emotionally; and asking if hes okay shows genuine worry and desire to listen to his needs. again, really unsubtle; but fuck it, that's also part of what makes it powerful, because when was the last time magnus had that, that open caring and supporting and reaching out for him? i mean, obviously Magnus has his friends who are amazing and great to him, but this feeling, of being cared for, so easily, so openly, so obviously, from someone who barely knows him, hell, from a shadowhunter - this is new. both because he hasnt really allowed it - after all, you need to fall for someone to catch you - and because he just. hasnt had that. every time before, when he showed vulnerability, he had his wounds open wide and used against him - with asmodeus after his mom, with Camille after whatever happened that made him consider suicide. and then suddenly this guy shows up, and Magnus didnt even mean to be vulnerable in front of him, not really, he was supposed to hold it, but he does and what he finds is just- caring. worrying. sweetness. a grounding presence and touch. alec is completely focused on him, and isnt rushing him to get back on his feet or anything - hes just holding him and being there for him. he wasnt even looking for it, and suddenly there it is - that trust and reciprocity hed been craving for so long.

and yeah, its unsubtle, but that's also there in more subtle ways; magnus asks for his help, and alec comes without questioning, even if he's mad with pretty much everyone involved. he asks Alec to give him his strength, and he does, openly, without walls - dude, that is so intimate, and you can see how easily the magic flows between them; that's something that can only happen so smoothly if the required trust is given without a second thought. alec is giving his life force to this guy, whom he barely knows, and he doesnt hold back at all - Magnus needs it, he gives it. easy, simple. trusting. an open, clear connection. hes worried about Magnus from the start; he gets in and his first reaction is yelling for magnus and kneeling beside him to make sure hes okay. hes already kind of holding magnus even before magnus falls; he puts himself in a position where hes kind of supporting magnus' weight, and just focuses on giving magnus what he needs. up to this point no one even bothered to ask magnus what he needs. and look, Alec isnt perfect, and he definitely still has his prejudices and ignorance at this point, but this is something special. having someone just give it their all to make sure ur okay, from the get-go, trusting you like that- that's not everyday. specially not for magnus. I think maybe Magnus wouldnt even have lowered his guard enough to have that stumble if Alec hadnt been so easily showing him hes in there together with him, as equals, without so much as a second thought- magnus' persona is polished. hes been through worse without stumbling both before and after. his guard was already down, because Alec had been showing himself to be trustworthy from the start.

and after that, it just keeps going. alec helps him clean up his apartment, without being asked, long after everyone else has already gone - he listens to Magnus talk about his past, attentively, without judgement. he even shows some vulnerability of his own - that fucked-stupid smile when magnus raised his hand to his lips, the glances he throws magnus' way, the way he even manages to talk a bit about his insecurities and confusion; hes opening himself up to Magnus, too. hes smitten. hes interested. the connection is established. he stays the night, and they end up talking all night long, despite the fact that Alec was called to work, and we dont even know about what. we know they are similarly competitive and have a good chemistry, so clearly this was a good, fun talk; but theres something running way deeper in there, too. magnus is showing alec a lot of himself, and alec is not only welcoming it, but reciprocating it as best as he can. that moment of spark isnt gone; it keeps growing, the bond that was formed gets stronger. at this point, Magnus has fallen (i firmly believe that he fell in that exact moment he looked up at Alec) but it gains shape and strength during that night and talk; its a little frustrating because Alec cant face what he wants, but the pull is real and strong enough for it to get stronger, the shapes clearer.

so- yeah. Magnus fell for Alec in 1.06, the moment he realised that he was willing to have his back, to see him as he was and welcome it and treat it with care; and to give him back in return. Magnus fell for Alec when he realised that, somehow, he had already formed the beginnings of a bond with him - the kind that's solid, that means trust and care and effort while also being easy, fun, nice. alec fell for magnus when he looked at him and saw someone that was also struggling with showing who he was, but who wasnt scared; someone who was kind, and good, and willing to listen to him and try to help him and who valued him. and that is so. fucking. important.

#ask #pastaownsmylife #sorry i got a little carried away but lets be real we all knew it would happen #im emo im dying squirtle #sh #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #meta #malec meta #magnus bane meta #sh meta #overflowing trashcan

[japanessie]

MY FIRST STORY & Saitama Super Arena capacity

I received this question on Twitter regarding the attendance at MFS TamaAri Tour Final. I think it would be interesting to share with my readers especially for those who might aspire to enter the showbiz.

Disclaimer: Answers were based on my personal observations as a longtime music fan. Also, I used ONE OK ROCK as a comparison because that's what my readers are familiar with. Peace everyone 😊

Question:

So I just read that MFS TamaAri was 18000 tickets? Normally I know the venue has a much larger capacity, so why is that? Are they taking it safely? And do you know what’s more important to secure bigger venues? Is it to sold out or the number of tickets you had there? Just trying to understand if this was necessary to get to Tokyo Dome. It just kinda makes me sad because they deserve so much!

I always just assumed that it’s 37000, didn’t know there was two modes, any idea on what’s the difference and why they went with arena mode instead of stadium.

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MFS held an “arena" tour NOT “stadium" tour

First of all, from the start, MFS had declared their Kobe World Hall & Saitama Super Arena dates as “ARENA Tour". They never said “stadium". So, it only made sense that they booked Saitama Super Arena in its arena mode.

Based on MFS' proposed seating plan, they were honest from the start that they were NOT aiming for >30000 capacity. Just look at how small the space they allocated for standing spectators. The rest were all seated. They were pretty realistic about their crowd attracting capability & current limitations. They knew they were not OOR who could easily dedicate the entire floor area for standing spectators.

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Saitama Super Arena was designed to be mechanically multi-sized to suit multiple purposes

Look at the “Stadium vs Arena” diagrams from the venue's official website.

Saitama Super Arena does have TWO modes i.e "stadium" and "arena". It is a multi-purpose venue which means it can be used for concerts, sports events, exhibitions, death memorials (if you want) etc. Thus, to serve the different functions, it was designed in such a manner.

What is meant with max capacity of 37000 pax is the entire fixed seats taken up PLUS the maximum additional seating that the floor area can take, which is more suited for sports events where a smaller space for the athletes/performers is needed e.g. boxing, wrestling etc. For sports such as soccer or baseball, the floor area obviously will not be used for seatings.

Stadium vs Arena configuration

Stadium = the full length space with seats all around facing the centre. 

Arena = the space is partially blocked off reducing the seats & floor area.

Stadium Mode

Let's look at a typical concert stage end side configuration.

1. A chunk of the space is already taken up by the stage. Meaning the seated area behind the stage is already unusable for the spectators. Then, some artists have a runway or even multiple runways extending into the floor area. To my eyes, at least 1/4 or even 1/3 of the space is already reduced. Then, when you put designated seats on the arena floor, the number of people will be reduced even more because chairs take up more floor space per person than a free-standing area.

Arena Mode

How about centre stage configuration to maximize the viewing?

Here is an example of a centre stage from KOBUKURO LIVE TOUR 2015 at Saitama Super Arena. Even with this configuration and a more packed crowd than MY FIRST STORY, this only packed in 21000 spectators.

http://music.emtg.jp/liveReport/20150806213e27519

For safety reason, you can’t pack in more people than the officially declared maximum capacity

I'm not sure how the Law is in Japan or what legal obligations that the management of Saitama Super Arena needs to comply. However, generally, it concerns evacuating people safely and quickly in the case of fire or any disaster.

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However, it looked like MFS didn't quite reach the number they were originally aiming for.

Got to be honest, there was a big block of unused seats at the end of the arena. The staff covered it with a huge piece of cloth. There was also some rather generous spaces around the floor seating area. They are not yet at OOR level who can easily attract >30000 crowd. But overall, it was good enough and not disastrous like the Shanghai show (unwise choice of venue that one... sorry my boys).

Photo by Taka Tallman

The difference of the Final outcome compared to the Original plan based on the official photo.

Why was it announced as "Sold Out"?

1. Logistics reason.

They needed to finalize the layout of the seatings and the number of chairs they actually needed. If they kept the ticket sales open to the performance day, it would be difficult for the staff to arrange the overall seated / standing areas. Notice how they often announced on-the-day tickets (toujitsuken) for their free standing Livehouse shows but not for Halls and Arenas. It's easy to squeeze in free standing audience as long as it is safe enough.

2. They very likely had already reached the sales target to cover the cost of the concert.

If you already sold out the quantity you needed to make profits, then it's not a lie to declare it that way. "Yeah, we sold out!". MFS is blessed to be an indie band because the money they earn mainly goes to them. Well, looking at the luxuries MFS members pampered themselves with (a huge rehearsal studio, holidays abroad, head-to-toe designer fashion etc), these guys made A LOT.

Despite playing to smaller crowds and playing less shows per year, MFS members are able to live comfortably at a more leisurely pace. Compare that to the major-label-and-talent-agency-tied OOR who certainly sell more in quantity but is being worked to death by their management with every Tour to make $$$!

3. In showbiz, image is everything.

Notice how once an actor won an Oscar, his publicity promo will always attach the term “Oscar winner (insert name)" with almost every appearance? Because it gives “value" to his name! Even if you only got nominated, being known as “Oscar-nominated actor" elevates your status.

It's the same with music artists. Saying “the band held a Sold-Out show at (insert a place)" gives “value" to your resume. The general public rarely ask the numbers or even question it.

Not only MFS, even OOR plays the same publicity game. For example, their Nagisaen show has always been hailed as attracting >100000 people. What is being downplayed is it was >100000 people over TWO days. Meaning >50000 pax per day and many of them actually went to BOTH days. But still, saying >100000 sounds better and it's not like they're lying. It's technically correct. So MFS saying, “Thank you. We sold out!" is technically true if they had passed their profit threshold. Anything extra is a bonus 😊.

Why still went for such a huge venue even though their fanbase still has not reached that level?

Just a basic management strategy no matter what field you’re in. Once you set a big target, you need to measure your achievement from time to time. They want to do Tokyo Dome. So, they need to see how far they can reach and what to plan to achieve it. With the Nippon Budokan, they knew that they could do 12000 pax. With Makuhari Messe and Yokohama Arena, they knew that 18000 figure was in their hands. With Saitama Super Arena, they very likely wanted to see if they could reach more than 20000. Now that MFS knew 20000 is a figure they need to still work on, they can plan from now what to do next. My prediction, there is a HUGE chance that the Tokyo Dome show would be fully or mostly seated.

What’s more important to secure bigger venues? Is it to be sold out or the number of tickets?

Strictly from the economic point of view, the number of tickets you can sell is more important. You'd want to earn enough to recoup your investment first & foremost. The venues don't care if your event is sold out or not. They just want their money. Being “sold out" is more for the artist's image.

Every artist has their own sales threshold of what they can call “sold out". MFS put limited standing tickets from the start which means they have a lower “sold out" threshold compared to a bigger band like OOR who allocates a lot more standing tickets.

The bigger your name, the higher the stake. I still remember when the late King of Pop Michael Jackson was deemed a failure for selling “only" around 45000 tickets for a stadium concert in the UK back in the late 90s.

So, was MFS playing it safe with Saitama Super Arena?

Nope. 

On the contrary, they were daring themselves to take the risk in order to know where they are at. But hey, ANY indie artist in the world would KILL to have 18000 people per night. It’s awesome that MFS could reach that number as an independent band.

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My 2 cents

Why did MFS struggle a bit to fill up Saitama Super Arena?

To me it still boils down to one thing. Their archrival ONE OK ROCK.

This had been the first time ever that MFS was doing a major Tour head to head against OOR. They even had a few clashing dates!

* (Remember that Summer Sonic Tokyo (MFS) vs Osaka (OOR) incident? A small crowd in Tokyo vs a packed crowd in Osaka?）

OOR by Julen Photo

For the most part, getting the majority of their fans from OOR fandom has been a huge blessing for MFS. But we must take note that many of them still keep OOR as their main band and thus, are more likely to spend their money on the OOR Tour instead. Not to mention that OOR ticket & merch prices are higher.

MFS hardcore fans are still way smaller and probably will never top OOR, which is fine to me (seriously, I don’t want MFS to compromise their music like OOR did 😑 ). However, I do believe that the day will come when MFS can attract 30000 crowd in one show but it will take more time for that to happen.

But comparing it to OOR, it wasn’t too bad even though it is still a long way to go :-)

Someday MFS will be able to pack in fully standing crowds on the floor 😃 !

What MFS needs to do?

1. Keep on with their current strategy of reaching out and expanding to fans outside of the OOR crowd. Keep on collaborating, guys!

2. I personally hope that the little darling Hiroki can continue being careful with anything that comes out of his mouth so as not to make another faux pas e.g that misunderstood MC at Summer Sonic (OOR fans accused him of jealousy towards Taka again because of it... oops 🙈), that "kiddy tantrum" at Storyteller Tour Osaka (your warped sense of humour may not necessarily work outside of your band & crew, Hiro 😑). Watching him in the later part of 2019, I do feel Hiro had learned a bit from it all though.

3. Continue strengthening the bond with the existing fans. It’s important to cherish their loyalty. I had talked before about the benefit of keeping your core fans. Thankfully, MFS is doing it right in this area. Bringing awareness to ALS, dedicating their songs to special selected fans and helping in realizing their dreams. After all, support is a two-way street.

4. Connecting with the younger crowd like they did during the ALONE era with the “university tour” might be a good idea too 🤔. I still remember photos of the members walking through the crowd among the stalls at students’ fairs 😃. That was an exciting time 😊

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So, what do you all think 😃?

#reply #my first story #maifasu #マイファス #one ok rock #oor

[woolishlygrim]

Winter Weebwatch #10

We’re very much hitting the final stretch of the winter anime season now, and to be honest, I still don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing for Spring Weebwatch (Spring Spreebspratch?). Kami no Tou, Digimon Adventure 2020, and Yu-Gi-Oh Sevens are shoo-ins, but a lot of the shows that start in Spring are the second seasons of shows from Autumn 2019, and I’d rather not do those.

Anyway, on with this week’s shows.

Pet.

★★★☆☆

Okay, so apparently Pet did air last week, I just didn’t see that it had, which is weird, I was looking out for it.

Also weird is that the character I originally thought was called Tsukasa and then thought was called Tsubasa is actually called Tsukasa. Did … did the subbers make a mistake at some point, or did I make the mistake? I genuinely do not know.

Anyway, last week and this week, Pet saw Hiroki discover Hayashi, still not entirely crushed but rather in a mostly-crushed state similar to the one he found Tsukasa in. Realising from exploring his memories that Tsukasa was the one who crushed Hayashi, Hiroki, feeling betrayed, confronts Tsukasa and eventually runs away. Meanwhile, Tsukasa, faced with the prospect of the Company separating him from Hiroki and then with Hiroki running away, grows more and more unhinged, eventually deciding to manipulate Satoru into going after him.

Things are definitely winding their way towards a conclusion, and I honestly can’t see what that conclusion will even be, or how the writers plan to tie this up in two episodes, but it’s fun to watch, at least.

That said, my god, Tsukasa going off the deep end is … something. The animators are having a whale of a time, drawing him wide-eyed, pale, and practically twitching. One scene has him drooling as he talks and occasionally having to wipe it away with his sleeve. If this was an actor, I’d say they were chewing the scenery, but it’s not, someone intentionally made him like this.

ID: Invaded.

★★★☆☆

This is another episode that just doesn’t quite deliver on the promise it set up. While I felt I was being a little harsh with last week’s score, this time I feel like I’m being a little lenient. It’s really a two and a half star episode.

With the set-up of the last episode going forward, Anaido just turns out to not … really have any kind of diabolical plan at all, whereas Hondomachi in the Well-Within-A-Well just kind of puts a couple of clues together and discovers who John Walker is.

John Walker is, incidentally, the character everyone expected him to be, since we’d seen that Walker has a white beard and moustache and only one other character had that.

As far as twists go, it’s … weak. It’s very weak, and the downplayed way the episode presents it suggests that the creative team were well aware of how weak the twist was. Similarly, the reveal that Kiki is inside the Mizuhanome is pretty much expected.

However, we still have two episodes to go, so there is plenty of time for the show to pull a rabbit out of its hat, so to speak.

Darwin’s Game.

★☆☆☆☆

I’m beginning to lose patience with this show, and if we weren’t in spitting distance of the end (this is episode nine, there are eleven episodes total apparently), I would drop it.

So continuing on from last week, the protagonist (nine episodes in and I still have no idea what his name is) engages in a fight to prove that his clan is worthy of allying themselves with the boxing gym-y clan, after which the top-ranked player in the game kidnaps him to … ugh.

Kidnaps him because she is the head of an ancient clan of psychic assassins and she wants him to be the father of her child, and fuck knows writing that sentence made me seriously reconsider watching the last two episodes.

The whole thing ends with said top-ranked player (who can psychically incapacitate people somehow) joining the protagonist’s clan, because I guess we don’t need stakes? Nah, nah, who needs narrative tension, right?

Congrats on another episode I actually remembered, Darwin’s Game. You might’ve done better if I hadn’t.

In/Spectre.

★★★★☆

Okay, I admit it, In/Spectre has wormed its way into my good graces. I enjoy this show now, I guess.

This is just a really good episode, and it manages to be a really good episode while working with material that I’m not sure most writers would be able to make interesting. As the plan to take down Steel Girder Nanase kicks off, Kotoko begins what is essentially a reddit forum argument in which she attempts to cast doubt on the existence of Steel Girder Nanase by proposing an alternate theory and arguing in its favour. As she does this, however, Rikka is attempting to argue back under several different accounts, trying to sway people into believing in Nanase’s existence.

Do you see what I mean? This is … this is banal. This is people arguing in the comments section while one person uses transparently disguised sockpuppets. This is something I can find by just going to a forum and scrolling down a few inches, and yet this episode is absolutely fascinating to watch.

When the episode ended with Kotoko saying that it’s time for her to present her second theory, I wasn’t even annoyed. I’m genuinely interested to see what the second theory is. I hate that I really like this show now.

Infinite Dendrogram.

★★★★☆

This is another one where I was honestly not sure what score to give it. It was a three-and-a-half star episode, really, and I wavered back and forth for a while over whether to bump it up to four stars or down to three stars, before eventually deciding to be nice. 

Honestly, it could have gone either way.

With Franklin/Penguin-san having kidnapped the princess and enshrouded the arena in a barrier, he begins his invasion of the city, remarking to the princess that he will break the spirit of the Masters of Altar before the war between Altar and Dryfe can resume. While Franklin’s own Superior class ability, which allows him to invent and spawn monsters, is a potent threat in his own right, he is also joined by numerous other Masters, from both Dryfe and Altar, along with Hugo and what appear to be the other three Dryfe Superiors.

So this is an actually really fun episode, even if it’s also kind of a nothing episode. With Shu and Figaro both trapped in the barrier, Ray and Rook learn that any player below level fifty can pass straight through the barrier, and use that to mount a counterattack. A small chunk of the episode is devoted to what amounts to a ‘Ray And Rook (And Later Hugo) Show Off Their Awesome Abilities’ scene, and honestly it was enough fun that I’m willing to forgive it for being mindless fluff. I do like the touch that while Rook can use his abilities to convert female monsters to his side, his Embryo Babyl can use her abilities to convert male players to her side, making them a nice team.

Meanwhile, Marie, who had bonded with the princess earlier, tracks down Franklin and shoots him a bunch, and exactly nobody is surprised because we all basically knew already that she was the monster-bug-shooting gunslinger who killed Ray before. Franklin is still alive, though, and as the show, as all shounen shows must, descends into shounen anime battle match-ups, Marie finds herself facing off against another Dryfe Superior with power over music.

Also, can I just express my irritation that Franklin combines both chess metaphors and poker metaphors. Those games are the antithesis of each other: Chess is a game all about planning multiple moves ahead, figuring out multiple paths and multiple outcomes to those paths and then choosing the best one; whereas Poker is a game all about taking a hand dealt to you by luck and tricking, scheming, and gambling your way to getting the best possible use out of it. Either one will work for a scheming villain, but they work for very different kinds of scheming villain.

#infinite dendrogram #darwins game #id invaded #pet #in/spectre #anime #winter weebwatch

[madewithonerib]

Saul: A Tale of Self-Deception | BIBLE Project

By Tim Mackie & Aeron Sullivan [2018]

Talk About Breaking Bad...

      King Saul was technically Israel’s 1st king.

      He came to power after a bloody & tumultuous period       in Israel’s history, when the people were governed by       various tribal chieftains, called “Judges.”

      An account of this period can be found in the Book of       Judges, which tracks the progressive moral corruption       of the Israelites & their leaders after the death of Joshua.

      You can read more on that topic here.

      With no centralized government & 200 years of poor       leadership, this was a period of political & social upheaval.

      The Israelite people were looking for a savior who could       end the strife that had marred their nation’s landscape       for generations.

      They needed a king, but what kind?

      This kind of leadership crisis is familiar from past &       current history. Israel wanted a good leader, one who       was not corrupt & had integrity.

      However, there were other cultural influences at play, &       the Israelites’ intentions were not completely pure as       they asked for a king.

      We're told that

            “all the elders of Israel gathered together & they             came to Samuel at Ramah.” They said to him,

            “You are old & your sons do not walk in your ways.             Now, install for us a king to govern us like all the             other nations.”

       ●  1 Samuel 8:4-5 | ⁴ So all the elders of Israel gathered             together & came to Samuel at Ramah. ⁵ “Look,” they             said, “you are old, & your sons do not walk in your             ways. Now appoint a king to judge us like all the             other nations.”

       ●  Exodus 15:3 | ³ The LORD is a warrior, the LORD is HIS name.

       ●  Exodus 15:26 | ²⁶ saying, “If you will listen carefully to             the voice of the LORD your GOD, & do what is right             in HIS eyes, & pay attention to HIS commands, &             keep all HIS statutes, then I will not bring on you any             of the diseases I inflicted on the Egyptians.

            For I am the LORD who heals you.”

      This should bother us, because Israel had a king already,       named YHWH [remember Exodus 15]

            HE was trying to teach the Israelites how to become             different from the other nations in order to become a             blessing to those same nations.

      But the cultural pressures to have a leader like the       Canaanites proved more powerful.

      Their hearts were not aligned to YHWH, so HE honored       their request.

Samuel’s Warning

      The LORD said to Samuel,

            “Obey the voice of the people in relation to all that             they say to you. For it is not you they have rejected,             but ME they have rejected from reigning over them…

            Now then, obey their voice.

            Only you will testify against them & proclaim to them             the judgment concerning the king who will reign over             them.” [1 Samuel 8:7-9]

      Next, Samuel delivers a famous warning to the Israelite       people [1 Samuel 8:11-22], giving the Israelites       what they desired.

      Saul was not a great king, nor was he even a good man.

      He was deeply flawed.

      The entire 1st half of Samuel is dedicated to a character       study about his failures.

      When reading through Samuel, you might have a tendency       to become critical or judgemental of Saul at times; you’ll       probably feel sorry for him at times too.

      But slow down & be honest with yourself.

            If you’re open-minded, you’ll realize you likely             have more in common with Saul than you’d care             to admit.

      The whole point of exploring Saul’s failures is to warn us       so we don’t repeat his mistakes.

      First Samuel offers up a number of vignettes, some       seemingly small, some big, that examine Saul’s missteps       [see 1 Samuel 13-15].

      You might wonder is GOD being overly hard on Saul to        intentionally create of sympathy?

      Well, yes.

      HE wants us to feel sorry for him, so that we begin to see       ourselves in him & learn our lesson through him.

      In essence, Saul’s root character flaw is self-exaltation       & self-deception. He thinks he knows better than everyone       else, including GOD.

      The biggest tragedy is that he’s not even aware of it.

      The story shows he is completely blind to his arrogance       & always believes he’s in the right.

      Saul can’t get it together

      As Saul’s story progresses, the mistakes get bigger & the       stakes get higher. Somehow, he is never able to own what       wrong he has done when it’s pointed out to him.

      For example, in 1 Samuel 13, he was told to wait for Samuel       before offering sacrifices to GOD & initiating a battle with       the Philistines.

      He didn’t listen, however, & he bulldozed ahead impatiently.

      Even though Saul eventually wins the battle, he did it on his       own terms instead of GOD’s, a point he seems to never grasp.

      His self-ignorance is even greater in 1 Samuel 15, where       GOD commands Saul to go & fight against the Amalekites

      [this nation tried to wipe out the Israelites long ago when they       had just escaped Egypt, see Exodus 17:8-15].

      He was given clear instructions to thoroughly defeat the       Amalekites. However, Saul stopped short & allowed the       soldiers to plunder the spoil, even though he was explicitly       told to not let this happen.

      When Samuel confronts him, Saul somewhat confesses, but       with a spin:

            “The people spared the best of the sheep & oxen to             make a sacrifice to YHWH” [1 Samuel 15:15].

      He justifies his stubbornness as a form of obedience, but he       can’t see that’s what he’s doing. Samuel then calls Saul to       account:

            “Why then did you not listen to the voice of the LORD?             And why did you rush upon the spoil & do evil in the             sight of the LORD?” [1 Samuel 15:19]

      Saul is still unable to see his mistake:

            “I did listen to the voice of YHWH, & went on the             mission HE sent me… but the people took the spoil.”             [1 Samuel 15:21]

      Now he’s blame-shifting to get Samuel off his back.

      But Samuel has had enough:

            “Does YHWH delight in burnt offerings as much as             listening to HIS voice? To listen is better than sacrifice”             [1 Samuel 15:22].

      It’s only at this point that Saul can see his error, & so he       owns his behavior with a confession:

            “I have sinned. For I have transgressed the             commandment of the LORD, & your words,             because I feared the people, & listened to             their voice.” [1 Samuel 15:24]

      It’s really hard to tell how genuine Saul’s repentance might       be. He’s slippery & has a habit of saying whatever he needs       to say in order to get out of trouble.

      In just a few moments, he reveals one of his motivations       for the show of remorse:

      Then Saul said,

            "I have sinned, but please honor me before the             elders of my people, & before Israel, & turn back             with me, that I may worship the LORD your GOD.”             [1 Samuel 15:30]

      Look inside your heart

      Saul’s failures hit close to home, if we’re willing to let this       story shine a spotlight onto our own hearts & minds.

      Saul valued the opinion of the people over GOD’s wisdom.

      He feared people when he should have feared GOD.

      Moreover, he continued to worry about one thing in light of       correction—his own reputation & honor.

      Saul is perpetually downplaying his role in the bad       decisions he makes. He keeps bringing in other people       as if they are responsible for his mistakes.

      The remainder of 1 Samuel recounts Saul’s further slide       into moral & spiritual decay. His descent provides a       strong contrast with David’s rise to a role of influence.

      At the end of the day, Saul placed his real trust in himself,       his plan, & other’s opinions of him.

      When convicted of this sin, his response is less than admirable.

      He never actually changes, & he perpetuates these       behaviors until the end as he continues down a       self-centered & prideful path.

      Contrast this with David, who is characterized in these same       chapters as radically obedient & trusting of YHWH, which       eventually leads to his rise as king & solidifies his lineage.

      These 2 characters provide us an opportunity for self-reflection       so we might find the blind-spots where our pride may be       getting the best of us.

      We justify our poor decisions & try to negotiate with GOD.

      We let our cultural river sweep us away.

      All of this forces the reader to ponder if we are more similar       to Saul than different. In what ways do we elevate the       opinions of other people above the wisdom & love of GOD?

      In what ways do we blameshift in order to       avoid truly owning our failures?

      Saul’s demise is a powerful lesson, but as with all tragic       stories, it serves a redemptive purpose.

      It’s a warning for us, so we don’t repeat his mistakes.

      Our deepest character flaws don’t have to define us or be       the end of the story, not when it comes to the GOD       revealed in JESUS.

      Unlike Saul, JESUS was a King of Israel who never failed,       but took upon HIMSELF the consequences of the failure       of others.

      Unlike Saul, JESUS never flinched when faced with the       dark side of humanity. Rather, HE ran directly into it       with HIS love & passion because HE knew that GOD’s       power could overcome our evil & create something new.

      What Saul needed, & what we really need, are new hearts       & minds that don't need to defend themselves or justify       failure & selfishness.

            What we need is what David later             prays for after his greatest blunder:

            “Create in me a pure heart, O GOD,             & renew a spirit of integrity in me.”             [Psalm 51:10]

      Aeron Sullivan is our Director of Web Technology & comes       to us from the military & for-profit technology sector.

      He holds a bachelors in political science & an MBA.

      In 2016, Aeron was named one of Inc. Magazine’s 30       Entrepreneurs Under 30. He resides in San Diego, CA with       his wife & 2 daughters.

       https://bibleproject.com/blog/saul-tale-self-deception/

#Self-Deception #king Saul #tale of woe

[getoffthesoapbox]

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - A Flawed Triumph

After a few days of careful consideration, I’ve decided to divide my initial review of The Last Jedi into multiple parts for clarity and ease of reading. I have only seen the film once at this time, and these are my initial impressions. Once I see it again, any future impressions or predictions will be covered at that time separately. This series of posts is solely to cover my initial thoughts about the movie.

To keep from overwhelming anyone’s dash, I’ll be posting one impression a day until they’re finished. A list of upcoming titles and where we are in the series can be found below:

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - A Flawed Triumph ← we are here

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - The Thematic Heart

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Finn & Rose

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Rey

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Kylo

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Leia

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Rey’s Trajectory

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Kylo’s Trajectory

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Rey & Kylo

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - The Romantic Heart

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Misleading Love Polygons

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Schrödinger's Futures

The remainder of this first behemoth can be found under the cut. We’ll slay the rest in due course =)

Before I get into the narrative and the themes and the character development, I’d like to cover the more technical aspects of the film, the way it was constructed, and my general impressions from the initial viewing. Be warned, this is my significant complaints post; the remainder of this series will have some nitpicks, but on the whole my impression of the film was quite good, despite how bleak it is. ;)

The Last Jedi is on an objective level a mixed bag filmmaking-wise. There are some aspects that are positively stunning and some aspects that are disappointingly amateur for a director with such a fine reputation.

Prior to TLJ I’d never seen any of Rian Johnson’s work, but he appears to be well-respected in many corners of the internet, and I was hopeful that he could not only make up for the concerns I had about JJ Abrams as a director for The Force Awakens but also bring something new and original to the franchise. This I believe he did do, but in a haphazard fashion that isn’t entirely a credit to his talent.

Let’s start with cinematography. Many shots in the film are absolutely stunning and will probably be remembered by Star Wars fans long after the flaws are forgiven. The sweeping, epic location sequences are particularly notable--especially the Crait scenes. The Red Room sequence is Oscar-worthy in my opinion, despite some questionable editing choices in certain parts. The final sequence with Luke facing the sunset is unbelievably poignant and heart wrenching. The shot of Luke walking in on Rey and Kylo burned itself into my eyes like some of the best scenes of classic movies. The shot of Kylo and Luke facing each other down would go straight to the heart of anyone who loves westerns or samurai films. There is so much to love here in the cinematography. There is a great attention to detail in many scenes--especially on Ach-to--where you get the sense of life being greater than the characters and moving on in spite of their shenanigans, which is in my opinion a wonderful touch.

Unfortunately, there’s quite a bit that fails to meet the mark as well. Having seen only one of Rian’s films, I can’t speak for his general style, but my impression of his focus is that he has a knack for action and long establishing shots, but he has a tough time capturing relationships. Worse, this is a relationship film, not an action film. Relationships are one of JJ’s strengths, and despite TFA’s flaws (which are many), JJ was able to capture the charm of the characters with just the right framing, distance, and shot choices. Rian seems to struggle with this, especially in the pivotal Rey and Kylo scenes that are the heart of the story. Perhaps he hasn’t had much experience with crafting compelling relationships, which is JJ’s forte, or perhaps he merely choked due to the overwhelming responsibility of a film like this, but in a film where these two have to be sold as a compelling, growing relationship, this is a significant and unfortunate flaw that I find hard to overlook.

In general with romantic scenes, you want very little confusion, very little cutting, and room for the viewer to absorb what’s going on before you start moving in to close ups and building intimacy. With Rian’s Kylo and Rey scenes, we get the opposite, which works fine for the first force bond moment (meant to be disorienting for both the characters and the viewer), but not necessarily for the later ones. I found the scenes slightly disorienting, which made it hard to follow pivotal dialogue and fully comprehend the wonderful emotional nuance the two actors’ were clearly displaying in their performances. I realize Rian didn’t have much time to explore everything he wanted to in the film, but I didn’t feel the Poe scenes with Holdo were nearly as jarring as the Kylo and Rey force connection scenes. We really needed more time and lingering shots to help catch our brains up with the breakneck pace of the information being exchanged between the characters. On top of this, many of the shots are too busy and distract from the important interactions happening between the characters. Rian seems to have been trying to cram so much into the film in every shot that he didn’t know what he should emphasize and what he should downplay in certain pivotal points.

This brings me to Rian’s greatest flaws in this film, and the items that to me mark him as unprepared to enter the big leagues--the pacing is poor and the music cues are underwhelming and dull. In a blockbuster film like TLJ, we should not have these issues; these are a mark of an independent filmmaker who hasn’t figured the magic out yet. The viewer is given whiplash as we race between four plotlines (A, B, C and Darkside), never taking a moment to breathe or rest. Even TFA, a briskly paced film if ever I saw one, took its time to breathe and absorb the scenery or allow us to drink in the characters’ emotions. In TLJ, we zip through character deaths, zip through Rey and Kylo interacting, zip through Poe and Holdo, zip through Finn and Rose, zip back to Luke and Rey, onward and upward. We’re never in one location long enough to get a grip on it and get into it; the moment things get interesting, we cut away to another plot without fully delving into what these interesting moments mean for the characters.

What’s interesting is that this breakneck pacing, because it’s used in every scene of the film, actually deflates the effect of the battle scenes, which is where such pacing should be emphasized! The battles in TLJ feel oddly stilted, slow, and awkward with no tension and no stakes despite what the narrative implies. There’s one distinct moment where the First Order’s just hanging out watching the Resistance while the Resistance members are having a group chat and not fighting them! It’s the classic “villain stands and waits politely while the heroes get their shit together and transform” moment. My only answer to that was a facepalm in the theatre. The final battles are embarrassing--we have this wonderful initial set up of the new walkers moving in, and then we get this bizarre cannon (whose beam Finn is able to drive into without being incinerated, answer me that one), and rather than doing anything with them, they just sit there the entire film and attack single characters. Truly Rian’s heart was not in this part of the story, and it shows.

The slapdash editing doesn’t give John Williams enough time to work with to create compelling themes for the film, unlike what we received from him in TFA. This soundtrack is sparse and dead. It relies solely on the nostalgia factor of short snippets of music from the original trilogy. The most interesting song is the Canto Bight theme, and we only get to hear it for about a minute before we’re arrested and shuffled off to another dingy location where the sound design is forgettable! It’s a complete travesty when compared to the glory and beauty of the TFA soundtrack, where we received Kylo’s and Rey’s themes and compelling new resistance motifs all remixed throughout the film. For there to be nothing new for the Kylo and Rey sequences, or for the Finn and Rose sequences, or even for the Poe sequences is a travesty and one of the greatest flaws in the film as far as I’m concerned. At the very least Kylo and Rey should have had a new variant on the Force Theme to symbolize their connection, not a rehash of the same theme that was Luke’s! For goodness’ sake. I’m deeply hurt that the gorgeous, beautiful themes from the second trailer didn’t make an appearance in the film. It’s nothing but a shame when the best piece of music is a custom-made trailer theme that never receives its due in the film proper. This is one area where I’ll be glad to have JJ back in the final film--at the very least the man knows how to direct properly for sound.

And last, and probably least in that it’s far more forgivable, Rian just couldn’t resist the cheese. The two scenes I found the most laughable in the whole film--and they should not have been given their importance and narrative weight--were Space Leia and Rey vs. Snoke. I’ve never been a fan of asian flying films, but most of those were far better done than these two bizarre flying characters. What a disgrace to Leia’s legacy and to Rey’s importance. There were many other ways to make Snoke a terrifying character without having him fly Rey about the room in an awkward CGI manner, and the less said about Space Leia the better.

My complaints aside, let it not be said that there is nothing of value in this film. What Rian fails in pacing and musical timing, he more than makes up for with set design and color scheme. The red theme in key scenes is mind blowing. The salt flats are some of the most memorable locations I’ve seen in a film in a long time. The journey of Rey’s hair and clothing choices is perfect. The final shot between Kylo and Rey is the pinnacle of heartbreak thanks to lighting and set choices along with the performances. And although Canto Bight gets only a small cameo, the opulence and majesty of the scenery is truly a sight to behold. Rian pulls out all the stops for beauty, and it’s readily apparent. My only wish is that we were allowed to soak in and enjoy the scenery before getting shunted off to the next location. =P

If I were judging TLJ on presentation alone, I’d probably give it a C at best. Rian is so, so lucky his narrative has enough substance to make up for his insufficiencies as a filmmaker, though there are certainly flaws in the narrative as well (that I’ll be covering in future posts).  That’s how much power the themes and the story and the characters have in this narrative--they’re able to overcome amateur filmmaking and plot pitfalls. That’s a powerful movie. And that Rian can be proud of, even if I think he probably should reassess some of his choices on this one. =P

Up next, we’ll be diving deeper into the narrative and tackling the general themes! The narrative and the characters and their relationships are where this film shines, and I won’t be able to do it justice without multiple posts. If you enjoyed this, I hope you’ll enjoy the rest!

Until next time!

#star wars #the last jedi #tlj #tlj spoilers #the last jedi spoilers

[clwalcott]

Best Since Bradman?

I think we can all agree that 2018 will be another big year for Test cricket.

Joe Root will be trying to put the pieces together of his once promising team, blown apart by Australia, humbled at home by the juvenile West Indies, punch drunk and stumbling into New Zealand (who have lost just one of their last nine Tests at home).  Star all-rounder Ben Stokes will somehow have to mend this most crucial of relationships of English cricket after his unscheduled leave of absence during these fledging, dark days of Root’s captaincy.

The great Dale Steyn – who has played just 9 Test matches since Jan 1 2015 and will not be featuring in the rest of the Indian series – must prove he has any sort of future left in the game.  Nathan Lyon must back up a magnificent 2017 ([email protected]).  He certainly wasn’t magnificent in the previous seven ([email protected]) and his career numbers remain ambivalent at best ([email protected], 3.07 econ).  He still has much to prove.

Sri Lanka and Pakistan, combatants in a late 2017 series will look to put a disaster year behind them with a surge of youth.  The Windies will look to build on a year when they won not just one, but two Test matches away from home against relevant opposition – 2017 was the brightest year for them in perhaps twenty.  Bangladesh take their first confident steps into a new “Big Nine”.  India look to silence the doubters by embarking on their now familiar round the world expedition (which began brightly enough at Newlands).

But there’s one man who, presumably, has no pressure entering 2018.  One man who can kick his feet up and enjoy the fact that even if his hands were amputated tomorrow, would comfortably find himself enshrined in cricket’s hall of fame at just 28.

Of course I’m talking about Steve Smith.

But this image is wrong, Steve Smith is poised in front of a gargantuan 2018.  Smith has a chance to do what no cricketer in my lifetime has done – this could be the year Steve Smith leaves orbit.  And it’s remarkable enough for me to post for the first time in two years – this is truly historic stuff.

Cricket has always featured virtuoso, attention grabbing batsmen.  Batsmen with cult like followings of the faithful.  I’ve seen them come and go, Lara, Tendulkar, Dravid, Sangakkara, Ponting, Steve Waugh, Hayden – the list goes on and on.  And we love to discuss them, advocate our favourites, cherry pick the most dazzling stats, downplay the weaknesses, provide apologies for that down year or that particular bowling attack or country which they just couldn’t solve.  In the final analysis, we have to (perhaps silently) conclude that these discussions just don’t amount to much.  All of the above players average above fifty and a half.  None average fifty seven and a half or higher.  Sure, there is better and worse, but we’re all in roughly the same postcode here.

Those looking to downplay the Smith phenomenon might point to the fact that what we’re talking about here amounts to essentially four years – 2014 to the present day.  Forty five Test matches.  In those Test matches (deep breath) Smith has scored over five thousand runs.  Such a pace has him poised to approach 10,500 runs by his hundredth Test.  By his 150th Test, becoming a routine landmark for great contemporary batsmen (Ponting, Tendulkar, Kallis, Sangakkara, Dravid, Cook, Chanderpaul, Waugh and Border have all hop, skipped and jumped over it), he will have scored over sixteen thousand runs and left Tendulkar in his dust.

Consider, Tendulkar played 200 Tests.

And that’s not even getting to the rate numbers.  Smith hasn’t averaged below 71.93 in a year (including the infant 2018) since 2013.  He averages 75.92 over this period.  He’s knocked 21 centuries in these four years, coming at better than once every four innings (3.8).  He averages 50+ in every continent except Asia, where he averages 49.47 and has centuries in four of his last five matches.  He averages 94.00 in 22 home Test matches.  Ninety four. Even in the humiliating 3-0 loss in Sri Lanka, he averaged north of 41.  Smith has not averaged less than 40 in a series of at least three Test matches since the 2013 tour of England.

And everything seems to be speeding up – in no year did he pile up the centuries as quickly as last year, slamming six in just twenty innings.  He has fourteen single figure scores against twenty one centuries, but only one single figure score in his last ten innings and three centuries.  He’s been dismissed in single figures five times since Jan 1 2016 (against eleven centuries).

The undefeated century is becoming a feature of Smith’s resume (and taking his average to ever more dizzying heights).  Four of his last seven centuries have been undefeated and his not out rate of 14.4% is unusually high historically (the king of this trick, Chanderpaul, averaged 17.5% for comparison).  During the four year Reign of Terror, Smith is being dismissed  less than 84% of the time – we’re approaching a point where one in five times, you don’t get Smith at all, for any price.

But it’s still just four years.  Let’s take a tour around Smith’s peers and see if we can find similar patterns over four years.  Our yardstick is Smith’s 2014-present day – 5,087 [email protected], 48.8% score percentage and 3.8 century rate.

Brian Lara finished his career with a wet sail, and even accounting for a down 2002, his best five year period went 5,134 [email protected]/37.6%/5.3 between 2001-2005.  Alternatively, his early career burst from 1992-1995 went 2,999 [email protected]/46.0%/7.1.  Whichever you choose, both are manifestly weaker than Smith’s record.

But Lara famously played in weak teams (even when he debuted the West Indies had begun declining and by mid-career were in crisis).  What about Ricky Ponting? Surely with Ponting’s notorious late career train derailment, there must have been some juicy years there in the middle?  And there was.   From 2002-2006 (split by a middling 2004) Ponting piled on 6,141 [email protected]/45.4%/4.1 and this is indeed close to Smith.

Close, but no cigar.  All metrics remain weaker than Smith (albeit over an extra year and 12 Tests) and it’s worth noting these were the 28-33 years in Ponting’s career – the peak years of a batting career.  Smith, on the other hand, has performed this in his 25-28 years, usually good, but developing years of a batsman’s career.

I have profiled Tendulkar and Sangakkara previously.  For Tendulkar, the closest comparison is either 2,694 [email protected]/55.6%/3.8 (1997-1999, three years) or 3,658 [email protected]/39.4%/6.0 (2008-2011, four years).  Sangakkara had a much flatter career and his “peak” (such as it was) was 2009-2012; 3,520 [email protected]/40.0%/5.2. He actually had an eleven year period averaging north of sixty, but still, we’re looking at 75 for Smith here with no idea how high it might conceivably go.

And that makes 2018 a huge year for Steve Smith.  As the above demonstrates, what Smith is doing so far is not quite unprecidented and while it’s tempting to say that it is to open a career, we must remember that Smith actually has been playing for eight years now, debuting in 2010 (as you have probably heard ad-nauseum by self satisfied commentators – as an all-rounder).

But another year averaging above seventy and this really will be unprecidented.  The greats strain to keep up with this four year run of Smith savagery, but they can – just barely.  Add another year and this not only will be a horrifying new normal for fielding teams against Australia, it will put Smith truly in a class with Bradman alone.  Australia are scheduled to play ten Tests this coming year (ominously, one in Zimbabwe and two against Bangladesh in Australia).  Averaging his last four years, we can expect a year something like 1,130 [email protected]. If Smith continues at this pace, this time next year we will look at a player averaging not 63.75, but 65.33 after 71 Test matches.

Even the short career novelties of Voges, Graeme Pollock, Headley and Eddie Paynter will be firmly in the rear view mirror at that point (the nearest, Voges, averaged 61.87 in his West Indian fueled batting career).   Sutcliffe, generally considered the most legitimate claim (54 Tests) for historical second place, will be nearly five runs adrift (60.73).   Smith’s career will then be nearly 50% longer than Bradman’s when measured in Test matches and approaching the level of the pre-1980 greats entire careers.  He would need to score nine ducks in a row to be reduced to the level of Sutcliffe.  There will be no dismissing him then: he will have a completely unrivalled case as the second greatest batsman of all time.

The only argument remaining will be the Bradman argument, for those who wish to make it.   This will require the opening of a dusty old book thought closed seventy years ago, Smith will remain an eccentric choice in such an argument but then, who’s to say what the future holds?

2018 will decide whether that argument will be possible at all.  The stakes for cricket history could not possibly be higher.

#Steve Smith #don bradman #Kumar Sangkkara #Sachin tendulkar #Brian Lara #Ricky Ponting #Test Cricket

[tgwltw]

Until the end of us

Oh my God, I feel like I let this prompt flopped so bad! I am so bad with trying to describe fighting scenes or any action scenes in general and I really don’t quite like how this turned out? So I don’t know. Thank you so much for sending this in and I don’t even know if it bears any similarity to the leaked trailer too. Hopefully, this is at least what you wanted? Thank you for sending in your request!

“Shit…”

Your voice is so quiet Peter could barely hear it over the sound of terror that is currently going around but Peter likes to think that he is so attuned to you that even if there are a lot of noises in his surrounding, he would still be able to pick you out and he did.

Peter doesn’t think twice and swings over to where you are. He lands beside you and you groan as you try to lift yourself up – you had been thrown by one of Thanos’s aliens. Getting punched on the side of your face as well as getting slammed against the wall hurts like shit.

“You alright?” Peter asks you and even with the mask on his face, you can still hear the concern in his voice and you groan as he straightens you up, keeping his arm around you.

Your cheek hurts like hell and your nose is stinging with pain. Your entire body feels like it has probably been through better days and you wipe the blood off of your mouth. “Yeah, hurts like hell but nothing I can’t handle.” You wince when you try to move away from Peter – you might have pulled a nerve or two, you aren’t quite sure. “You should go and help them – I can handle the ground; don’t worry.” You lift one of your hands to Peter’s cheek and he turns his head slightly to press his lips against your palm.

As much as he wants to attend to you, he knows you can also take care of yourself and he is needed to help the rest. “Stay safe.” Peter tells you and you nod your head, watching as Peter shoots his web towards the direction of where the fight is currently happening and you watch him for a while until you remember you still needed to evacuate a few people trapped in some buildings.

This is probably one of the reasons why dating within the team isn’t quite allowed because now Peter cannot stop thinking about you getting even more injured. You might have tried to downplay the pain you had but Peter had definitely seen the wince and your limp.

This fight is really starting to exhaust him – Peter doesn’t know how long they have been fighting or if they will even win this fight without losing anyone important but all Peter knows is that he needs to do anything and everything he can do to help his team win this fight. A lot of innocent lives are at stake and the safety of the entire world literally falls on all of their shoulders too.

Things have gotten a little crazier and just as Peter is about to go to you, he realizes that you are so busy trying to evacuate people that you have left yourself unprotected. His eyes widen when he notices a bot aiming towards you so he swings towards you. “Watch out!”

You turn your head around just in time to see Peter getting hit by a beam and he shouts as he lands on the ground, rolling over a couple of times before laying still. Your eyes widen and you stare at the bot before putting all the energy in to your hand, taking the form of a spear and just as the bot is getting ready to shoot again, you throw your hand towards the bot forcefully, satisfied when the bot explodes.

“Peter!” You hurry over to where Peter is and he groans as you gather him in your arms. You know you shouldn’t really move him – that is the basic rule but at that point, you cannot help it. Your boyfriend just got hit right in front of your eyes all because you had been too freaking busy and distracted to the point that you have left yourself unguarded.

Peter shifts slightly but groans – he doesn’t know what has hit him but his body is on fire and his arm is hurting a lot too. Using his free, uninjured hand, he pulls off his mask and groans, tasting the blood in his mouth. He looks at you. “Sorry, Y/N.”

You shake your head, almost feel like tearing up because Peter is unnecessarily injured because of your negligence and you shake your head once more. “No, Peter – I should be the one saying sorry.” You tell him, shuddering when you feel that his arm is most likely fractured and you want to hold him tight. If only you had been more attentive to your surroundings, then Peter would not have gotten hurt. “I’m so sorry.” Your voice cracks.

Peter frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. He slowly sits up and winces at the pain, looking at you. He reaches for your hand and laces your fingers with his. “I’m fine – I’ll be fine,” He assures you, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

You aren’t able to reply as Tony Stark lands beside the two of you. “Are you alright, kids?” He lifts his mask up briefly to look at the both of you. You can hear the masked concern in his voice and you shakily nod your head. Peter looks up at Tony.

“Tony, I’m sorry.” You almost want to cry at how defeated Peter sounds like. If only you had been more careful, he could have helped the rest of the team out. You only had one job – to make sure no innocent lives get hurt and even then you have failed. As if sensing your conflicting emotions, Peter tightens his hold on your hand.

Tony shakes his head. “You’ve done enough – rest. We’ll take care of the rest.” Tony orders the both of you and seeing as you are still hurt from being slammed in to the world and punched in the face, you simply nod your head and Peter nods his head. “Great work, kids.” Tony looks at the both of you one last time before putting his mask back on and rushing off to help the rest of the team.

Peter moves away from you so that he can lean against one of the walls that have been thrown haphazardly. You follow after Peter, leaning beside him. He reaches for your hand once more and turns his head to look in the direction where the fight is happening. “If we happen to die here,” Peter starts and you turn to look at him. He glances away from the fight to stare at you. “I am glad I get to be with you.”

You give him a small smile. Right now, if you are to die, you are actually a little bit relieved that you will be spending your last few moments with him. “Yeah, me too.” You tighten your hold on his hand and Peter looks back at the fight. If the two of you survive this ordeal, he is really going to work hard to save up some money so he can buy you a ring – that’s for sure.

#Peter Parker #Peter Parker x reader #Peter Parker x you #Peter x you #Spider-man: homecoming #Spider-man: hoco #Spider-man #Spider-man x reader #Spider-man x you #Peter Parker imagines #Peter Parker imagine #Spider-man x reader imagines #Spider-man imagines #Spider-man imagine #Tom Holland #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland imagines #Tom x reader #marvel #marvel imagines #marvel x reader #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagines #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman imagines #spiderman imagine

[kin-collective]

Gossip Folks: On Intimacy & Black Womxnhood

An informal conversation between Essence Harden & Chinwe Okona -- 7.11.18

In our own friendship’s toddler years, we performed a type of black space making in Essence’s home. Here, we discussed black womxn who came before us, the stakes of black friendship, our minds, and tools for black survival. This conversation is about the care and chatter amongst black womxn, learning and leaning into friendship, mapping integral moments, and figuring just what empathy and care look like between us. If interviewing has been pivoted as a type of voyeuristic peek into the innerness of another then discourse amongst homies is the shared space of the kink.

Chinwe: I'm interested in exploring how intimacy and friendship equate survival for black women. Thinking about what it means to be a single black womxn, to be a black womxn in community with other black people, and also what it means to be in community specifically with other black womxn--how does intimacy fuel these different ways in which we convene or gather in space? How does friendship rely on intimacy, and further fuel how these spaces take form and ultimately impact our survival?

Essence: I guess my initial question for you would be what does intimacy look like, feel like, smell like, and mean to you? Where does intimacy land?

I think that's a good place to start because often we tie intimacy to romantic or sexual relationships and I think those are also things that could be collapsing into friendship but aren't necessarily one before the other, or succinct as a unit.

Chinwe: Intimacy feels like comfort--like the sensation of opening your eyes in the morning and immediately feeling wrapped in a blanket of love before you even have time to think. Intimacy looks like time; having time, making time. Rather than focusing on the details of how time is spent, I'm consistently drawn to those who commit to making time in the midst of prioritizing self. That feels really special, and I think it's a particular type of promise to make to someone. It's a demonstrated investment that no matter how busy someone is, there's always time to be present. That's also intimacy. Intimacy smells like...like shea butter. What about you?

Essence: I think the interpersonal that is bound with intimacy, for how I function with other black women, and in particular with myself, I would say is around the vulnerability to exist as a whole mess. Guardedness is often key to survival, and for thriving in most situations in this world. The other side of that aptitude to survive is this deeply vulnerable position, and the closeness that we're often talking about with intimacy is around vulnerability. That situation that you're describing between time for yourself and in closeness to another is a cool way to collapse what vulnerability can actually look like in its materiality. You're saying, what are the actions of being vulnerable? How can we feel that with other people?

I think there's also a way to be intimate with oneself. For me, it's really this capacity to sit with myself and whatever thoughts from things that feel askew, problematic, or hard and allowing those to exist in relation to these other conversations this other dialogue I have internally around myself as being capable. So those moves that happened for me internally then feel like the gestures I have to make towards and with other people to feel that there's time for me or closeness to be made. And it's just, it's work and I think it's maybe the work of life and also it's a slow process.

Chinwe: How does trust play into forming intimacies and closeness for you? I often find myself failing to mention trust in these conversations and want to make a purposeful turn to include the importance of trust in this conversation. Not to downplay it as a stepping stone to intimacy or a leg up to vulnerability, but can you really get to where you need to go without that leg up?

Essence: I think vulnerability is tied to trust and subsequently intimacy is tied to trust for me. I feel less that I am distrustful but more that I am deeply questioning of what trust looks like and what intimacy looks like or even what friendship looks like. Because if we are grounding this conversation around survival and black womxn's survival with each other than it's massive.

Chinwe: Totally. Since it is massive, I think a good place to begin to talk about friendship among black women, is to talk about family, specifically black womxn in our families and our relationships to our grandmothers and mothers and sisters. Thinking about trust and that questioning of trust, how do you think that your upbringing and your relationships with the black womxn in your family have impacted that feeling for you?

Essence: Well, I grew up in a big ass family of hella people. When my grandparents moved to LA then the Bay Area their families followed suit. So between Oakland and Berkeley (but mostly Oakland), there were just hundreds of people when I was little. Within that, much of the child-rearing roles were performed by womxn so all of my own childcare was by women who I was related to. There were all kinds of womxn present I imagine because of the plethora of people in my family overall.          

When I think about trust and not trusting people in my family it doesn't come from there capacity to show up and take care of us necessarily. I do think about them being adults in a world where it was very hard for them. Whatever types of strife were happening externally outside of my little existence did have a deep impact on my childhood. So being stressed out about money, about where you're living, people you're dating (generally men), propriety around being dark skinned, around your changing and growing body, things you could and could not do, these sort of regulatory spaces did have a deep impact on how they showed up and how they offered care.

On the one hand, I would say that I grew up in this very dynamic womxn led household where womxn performed all kinds of masculinity (though I do not think they would attribute that to themselves) but in their roles and their aptitude to intimately exist in a swampy "black female" gender.

So there's that one aspect and then the other one which is having a deep control over your sexuality especially once you're in puberty. There was a lot of freedom when you were a child but once you're like 12, 13 or if you're my sister 10, there were these huge regulations on your body because of these external factors of the world. And I think so much around building trust and black women having an epistemology outside of Western norms is this issue of sort of historical knowledge of black womxn's bodies and also trying to regulate those bodies of children who might not have had those experiences yet. And, at least for my family, still trying to foster independence and care. And I feel like that's not even truly uncommon. It feels so regular, in fact.

I know you grew up in Florida, Georgia, and Texas, with your mom whose from South Carolina and your pops who is from Lagos, it just feels like you have a different narrative of what it means to grow up and be a black womxn in America. Can you talk about your upbringing? What do you think you've learned or how you were cared for by a black womxn in your life?

Chinwe: The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my family and upbringing, is how I had a very small pool of representative black, female figures to draw from. I have my mother, I had one grandmother. My mom doesn't have any sisters. My dad has an older sister and twin half-sisters, who I don't know very well, but his older sister that I do know has lived in London my entire life. I hadn't connected with her until recently. My father's eldest brother has four daughters, and they are the cousins I know the best, but I can't say that we grew as womxn together, as my immediate family never lived close to extended family. Through we lived in Atlanta near my dad's brothers for the first few years of my life, we moved to Texas when I was pretty young and had no other extended family there. It was always just our nuclear family; we kind of forged our own frontier in these very white suburban areas. Thinking outside of my family, I remember my seventh-grade math teacher was a black woman, but I didn't have black friends until I was 18 years old. There was a void of blackness, and especially black womxnhood, in my life.

Essence: Did you know this at that time? Do you feel a wanting or longing or is this all retrospective?

Chinwe: One hundred present retrospective.

Essence: Can you recall what it felt like to have this one black female teacher? Did it feel alien, normal, or like nothing in particular?  

Chinwe: It felt like nothing. I think a lot about dissociative experience these days, and the absence of thought I had at that point has made me really sit with the depth at which I was dissociated from my identity. But at the same time, my peers made me very aware of my hair and my skin and all these other markers of how I was different. Still, I never remember saying, "I am a black girl, I'm a black womxn." Those verbal affirmation of identity didn't come until much later. Perhaps having those singular role models or figures felt like an absence of black female identity,  but I also think it gave me an opportunity to really stretch the bounds of what it meant to be a little black girl. I liked the things I liked because I liked them. I didn't have the tools to defend my blackness or feel like I needed to be rooted in a particular way to my blackness; I didn't know what black was. It's been interesting as an older person to take those interests and those affinities from my childhood and tailor them towards blackness or black female identity. Now that I'm older I wonder, how can I go deeper and how can I connect back to myself and my core identity?

Essence: That's interesting because at once you're talking about a removal of your own kind of faculties from your bodily experience, right? That you don't remember trying to negotiate what it meant to be a black girl. I would imagine this being in part because when you go home there's not a bunch of black people sharing their experiences every day, it's your smaller somewhat nuclear family unit. I also don't have any non-American parents but if your father is from a place of all black people then blackness is beyond a regular experience of life and your mom is from the newly post Brown post-Jim Crow south, where black people are the majority.

Chinwe: I say this to them often, but it feels very much that they took that fact that we were black granted.

Essence: Because for them it was.

Chinwe: Absolutely, but then we moved to these white suburbs, and for me and my brothers, it wasn't that. We didn't have a black experience to ground ourselves in while swimming through a sea of whiteness. It's so fascinating to me; I know that my parents love us endlessly and are deeply invested in our happiness and wellbeing, but that absence of thought around how black experience may or may not work as a transitive property makes me question the capacity with which intimacy allows us to make the best decisions around those that are in our care.

Essence: Right. It always makes me think about that generation of people who became middle class and had the capacity to pay for or live in spaces formerly all white. What segregation ending looked like was the prospect of class mobility and people who could take their blackness for granted. Folks probably had a community of friends who were black and they weren't thinking about whatever it meant to belong to whiteness because they were adults. But their kids then grew up in these spaces where they are the singular black person. And if someone's taking their sensibility as a black person has a matter of fact and not necessarily politically motivated to be like, "I'm gonna have my kid reading this and doing that," it does seem like there's this shadow effect that I feel like a lot of black folks whose parents are Boomers or early Gen X'ers who became upper middle class have this sort of experience with black relationality.

Chinwe: Yeah, it's a very particular experience. I'm still grappling to wrap my head around it myself and am curious to see how it influences where and how I raise my own children.

Essence: Multiple people have had this juncture and it is such an interesting little tidbit to me.  What do we do with that?

But I think it does reconstitute what is possible with intimacy, right? If I'm thinking of your story and my story and you're talking about the lack of people and this sort of broad spectrum of personality that you feel you were able to grow into by virtue of not having people putting limits on you and it's interesting because I have a broad spectrum of people and I felt limitless as well, right? Which I think might point to blackness having the capacity to hold a multiplicitous amount of things and really stretch the bounds by virtue of not being at the center. It is like the black matter that is most of the university. It does surround us in strong ways which are often untenable and unknowable yet effective.

So there's are all these ways to belong to it where you can have a grandmother,  a mother, and Chinwe. Or how I could have a grandma, a mom, a sister, 2 additional siblings, and hundreds of cousins which often felt wild but it also kind of allowed me to weave in and out because there were so many people and no one was necessarily deeply paying attention to you.  

Chinwe: So thinking about blackness as this huge limitless entity with the capacity to hold many different ways of being, how would you say blackness hold vulnerability? In the most general sense.

Essence: How does it hold it? I mean, I think it's just part of being abject. It's like you're a wound and also the scab and the healing ointment, you're all things at one time. It's like slavery is now and it's the afterlife of slavery and its moment before. It's like time is expanding and it's nonlinear, so you're just existing and multiple realities. And I think because of that, the ways vulnerability show up can feel really hard or bizarre.

I'm thinking of my mother, someone who functions as a vulnerable person optically but it was really hard for me to understand her language of what being vulnerable and what vulnerable care looked like. She would fill our house with a bunch of books around black history, sociology, and art but would never read them to us. But me and my sister being curious people and my stepfather doing Hooked on Phonics so we could read at a  higher grade level when we were little, we would devour these text. I think for my mom's the sense of openness and her sharing of the wound/pleasure of black womanhood was the aesthetics of our home.

I also think getting my hair done in the kitchen almost every Saturday evening as a kid and how that too was a vulnerable gesture for my mom via time spent. So now sometimes when I go home my mom will spend time doing my hair. I mean, I have locs so she's not straightening my shit or spending an inordinate amount of time touching it up but she really does like doing my hair. It's a position of deep comfort for her in the touch, in the haptic of care and vulnerability.  

But I think in general when it comes to holding that space for black womxn it's just all the muck and glory of being. It's the beautiful and ugly the smelly and delicious everything that black people have to offer. It's all of it

Chinwe: I think more than what I think it is, I'm perplexed by what it has difficulty with.  It's interesting to me and difficult for me to wrap my mind around the ways in which blackness in of itself holds so much vulnerability in its past existence in the present instance, in the uncertainty of our future existence that is a vulnerable ass state to be in.

And I, I struggle with how one can hold that much vulnerability and not have the language or the tools or the recess, the resources to live in that state or talk through what that feels like. As much as we, as black people hold this type of vulnerability, it feels different to everyone and it manifests itself differently in bodies based on where you're from, how you've grown up like, what your relationship to people is like, etc. I feel very fixated on it. It's striking to me the difficulty in transmitting...the difficulty in communicating vulnerability.

Essence: I think that you're right. Depending on where you're from, what you look like, what you have access to, your education, your income, all of it is there present.  I think that how vulnerability does come and the difficulties of it are in the sort of madness of a lot of black people's psychic state. As lovely and beautiful as it is for someone to be a poet, a writer, an artist, a creator of some sort of vision around vulnerability we often privilege and locate those practices as the sole productive space. But to be vulnerable/raw/open as a constant position in a world that wants you to feel like trash is bizarre. So I get smoking weed, drinking, and limiting your vulnerability tentacles as well. To be out of your wits or to be at your wit's end seems like a cost of vulnerability.    

You can be a badass poet, you can be our heaven sent June Jordan, and you too can be dead because guess what you're teaching in the academy and that space is rough as fuck. And the trauma of the body, our epigenetics is all there. And I think that we have to consider that real cost of being forced into vulnerability at all times. This non- consensual exposure that that's part of our genealogy as black people and that people grapple with in all kinds of ways. I don't think we have in this country a realm of care for black people who are suffering because the afterlife of slavery is our present life and healing is not quite possible in that chaotic state.

How does that difficulty present itself to you in your art practice which is so much about intimacy? And how does that difficulty presents itself to you in your interpersonal relationships?

Chinwe: Hell yeah, exactly where I wanted to go. I think that the first time I felt that inability to deal with vulnerability in my blackness was becoming friends with black people.

It was absolutely awkward. It was the first time that I felt faced with what I've felt inside; that discord of being an abject subject, but still existing and functioning within a framework that is constantly asking that you limit your potential or fit all that you have to offer in this tiny box. Not only was I faced with a mirrored existence, relating to other on account of this existence wasn't necessarily coming to me in the language that I spoke. It was coming to me via this one person's language based on their experience, and then this other person's language and their experience, and on and on. I felt that even deeper in relating to black womxn. I didn't have a fucking Rosetta Stone to how to talk about these things and be in intimate relationships with folks in this way.

Essence: What were things?

Chinwe: Similar to what I was saying earlier about making time and how it's not so important what you make time for...I don't think it's necessarily specific subjects that I was struggling to discuss, but it was more so that every bit of black friendship felt fucking raw. Like having a disagreement with a friend--you care because that's your friend and you don't want to be at odds with this person, but that the weight of the care was that they felt. But in the present, it feels so much heavier and almost like there's much more to be lost. The stakes are high and are much higher in the event that there isn't a resolution. And I fell that every single time that I was a person around black people.

Essence: In part, it seems like you're talking about the space around your everyday experience growing up, which was not around a majority of black people- something that is also not my experience but I didn't necessarily grow up in a majority white space either -and this sense of intentionality wrapped up in your now.

You make this deliberate move to center black women and black people more generally. That there's some shift from " I'm not thinking about it" and/or it's in the subconscious part of my body to actively engage it. So now the stakes are higher because you're not only merely reflecting but are deeply thoughtful around trying to connect with certain types of people, black people specifically, and then having to face the diversity of experiences of blackness, which is something that is not familiar to you because you're yourself, you're not all people and you didn't grow up with a bunch of black people. Between the diversity of black folks and the disagreements between black folks the whole space of belonging to each other is really weighted.

Taking a side step from this train of thought but in a larger question around intimacy between black folks I think a lot about this sense of weight, intentionality, and anxiety in relation to black people who have a hard time being with other black people in romantic relationships or seeing and sincerely desiring other black people as potential romantic partners. There's one thing to suffer, to know your pain, and your own sense of abjection and to function in that singularity and have some type of comfort. A comfort in your harbored and material truths (even if those are death but a "death" that you know), a type of knowledge and solace in that knowing that has led you to survive perhaps even thrive. And I don't think that's a moralistic judgment, I think that's just literally a type of candid reality of/on black life and being. People are surviving in their spaces attuned to functioning within a variety of populations. So to be in that singular-eques space what does it mean to carry the pain, sorrow, and misery that is entangled with being black internally and not have an intrapersonal echo of that? Not merely strife but the romantic, intimate, fluids, sexual, arousal, erotic love as well? Cause there you're not just facing your death, you're facing their death and the individual which suffers and yet survives is entangled. You're not going to return to any state, after surviving their "death" you're going to be in a deficit. And I think that reflective, intentional space is a way that a lot of people go outside of wanting to be in intimate/sexual/romantic/love relation with other black people because it's hard. Not only is blackness the glory it is the brutality of whiteness. And now if I choose to be intimate with these people, from sexual intimacy to friendship intimacy that is non-sexual, you're opening up to a level of vulnerability to feel a bunch of shit and it might really break your heart. It also might make your heart feel so full that you could feel beyond elated, just wild and off the hook.

And I think that sense of elation and lost is part of what you're talking about, the space and stakes of friendship with other black women. What does it mean to have this person removed or gone? Especially when you're like, I have this somewhat small precious amount of people. So much of this is about finding your black people. I grew up in a place that had black people, but I didn't have a ton of black friends until…I mean I understand friendship to flow very deeply. I have a lot of people I know but who I would call my friend is a smaller number than the people who I'm actively friendly with. But there's something there where I'm like to know people which I don't think happened until high school and I had these decidedly racist act against me by folks I considered friends when I was in ninth grade. It reoriented my trajectory, which was a type of masculinity and tom-boyhood oriented around whiteness, white boyhood in particular. I didn't actively consider my sexuality but rather the Bay Area performance of the colorblind utopia which, was actually a nightmare for me, pretending and imagining myself and my capacity to move throughout the world as that of a white boy.

So my dark-skinned, black ass who grew up between working class and working poor was hanging out with wealthy Berkeley Hills white boys wanting it to be mine. But I think being harmed and harassed by these former homies, my refusal to go to school, and myself enrollment in Independent Studies, shifted my inner capacity, want, and practice of friendship was now all about those margins, my fellow freaks that I had so attempted to erase. These homies (Esti and Ferron to name two folks who are still my heart 22 years later) were bizarre, very astute and hilarious who fucked with "femme-ness," butchness, and gender possibilities. When I created a rugby team in HS it attracted other black girls who were also about that shit and who optically did not fit the aesthetics of such a butch pursuit. My friend Lindsey, who's a very high femme, joined the rugby team and we became friends and kin to each other.

And I don't necessarily remember this sense of intentionality but I certainly do remember deciding I was not going to do the other thing. I was not going to have my high school experience be about fucking lame and often abusive dudes and imagining myself as being lesser than in that way. This is all to say I think there is an intentionality and the weight of intentionality on black womxn friendship when you're actively seeking it out. When you're like "I want this to be my truth." And I think that disagreements can feel really high stakes because to be vulnerable with people who might be rejecting some part of you, because that's what a disagreement can feel like a rejection of your personhood, when the stakes are that high when it's maybe just that exact thing or detail that you have different opinions about.

Chinwe: I think I found my way to black female friendships through friendships with black queer people in college. People who are gender nonconforming or performed femininity as not mandated by the way in which we're told women and men are supposed to fill roles. So similar to what you were saying, but I think even in those moments I felt removed from "black womanhood."

Essence: Why? What do you think would it black womanhood mean to you in those moments?

Chinwe: Black womanhood meant heterosexuality in a way that I am not and will never be heterosexual.

Essence: Where do you think that came from?

Chinwe: Media. So many of my models for how blackness is supposed to come from media. Even in finding really good black friends I remember being very aware of the fact that my friendships didn't feel like "Waiting to Exhale," or insert any quintessential black film centering female characters talking about/taking shit from men. That felt very far away, extremely far away and I felt very cognizant of that. Perhaps this is a moment where I was learning tangibly how black can be multifaceted in practice, but I don't think it was until I moved to Los Angeles that I was able to begin to settle comfortably into that practice for myself. And still, I'm working on relaxing into myself and feeling wholly accepted by what my black looks like in practice. Like you said, it's the work of life and it's a slow process.

Essence: Yeah. Again it's how does vulnerability kind of show up? On the one hand, I would say that all blackness is queered by virtue of it not being whiteness and how it exists in excess of whiteness. But also I think a lot of black women who are "straight" and cis, are the caught up in the binds and bowels of heterosexuality. And that feeling of not belonging to a thing, much like being a dark skinned black person with two black parents and someone being like, you sound white, and the type of impossibility to not belong white simultaneously feeling like you do not belong to blackness. I think with some cis straight black womxn people who are high femme, and I do not think there is anything wrong or errored about being any of these things, I know that there is also and perhaps often a discourse around respectability politics and compulsory heterosexuality that feels exclusive of my capacity to belong to black womxnhood as well.

Chinwe: I definitely rejected and felt deeply distrustful of heterosexuality as an identity; I didn't want to be that type of black woman. But thinking back on media and the images of black women I did see...my parents had Ebony and Essence magazines in the house and the black women that I did see were high femme and there were no gradients of black sexuality or eroticism. I was working with a very one-dimensional look of black femininity and it made me question my own desirability in black spaces. In addition to making me apprehensive or feeling like the stakes were really high before I even ventured into these black female friendships, I think I sequestered myself away from black desirability as a whole because I didn't know how expansive that could be.

Essence: Because of white supremacy.

Chinwe: Totally.

Essence: Circling back to the idea of survival is the process of getting there, right? Reconstituting and re-negotiating our own sense of desire and intimacy is deeply embedded in the sort of anti-black, colonial framework. And that feeling ostracized from the black representational landscape of belonging. Our big three- Ebony, Essence, and Jet –are bound to their particular historical moments, class proprietary, and desirability politics (though Ebony has really moved in its scope with its online editorial work). For them, you were gonna see what you're gonna see because it really is what it is. So you're not going to get that diversity and range of black life(s) you may really crave and/or need on the page and when you're in other types of spaces with limited amounts of an accessible array of black people you can really feel like the odd person out. That these black people belong to each other and the only people who seemingly accept, in relation to my non-belonging, are white folks. It can feel that way often. And as you grow and stretch you begin to grapple with the reason why you think you don't belong to those people or that there's some other sort of limited frame of what blackness can be is because of white people and white supremacy. Though white supremacy has a life outside of white people and it also has a life deeply entangled with white folks and it's such a mind fuck to think about white harbor and the tax of blackness. It all can feel like the scab, wound, and ointment at the same time.

Chinwe: Abject beings. Just holding it all. But still, In all of that, ultimately we are surviving. So, to move from vulnerability and to think about intimacy in relationship to survival. What's the tool, the weapon, that is is integral to preserving black women in all of this?

Essence: I think gossip is huge! I think gossip is the Queen Bee of survival and thriving.

Chinwe: Why?

Essence: Because it is a network of knowledge production that has nothing to do with epistemologies of The West, it's not about the written word, citationality, nor sourcing knowledge by cis men and white folks. Gossip is about people being on the phone, especially growing up with my grandma with her three hours of the day dedicated to talking to her friends about the workings of their days and world.

Chinwe: My mom too! She's on the phone all the time.

Essence: Oh yea, I FaceTime Adee almost every morning. Gossip is how we create a literal network of underground knowledge production. Though gossip has a very negative, wicked cogitation I say Nah to all that. That talking network is often how we know about folks being predatory, about the actions of those who will not be persecuted, about the lives of the non-believed. From fucked up family members to business, seemingly allies, and friends gossip can inform us.

Chinwe: Like, "that family member fucked up and we don't go to their house and you need to know why."

Essence: Yea. I think that's black womxn knowledge production space. And I think that the way that we demonize it is actually because it's a black womxn knowledge production space.  I think it stands outside of regulation from cis men and white folks and negates their framework of correctness. It's how we get to and come to know things and I think that that is all about fucking survival.

I can go online and find someone to do my hair. I can, and do, go on Yelp or Google or whatever but the stories, experiences, and care I am looking for are generally not there.  What I need is someone to tell me their inner thoughts about their experience getting their hair done. Like, they ordered food and didn't ask me if I wanted to get something dropped off. Or I sat down in the chair and had to wait two hours until they touched my head. Or I was there from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Experiences which may or may not be on those sites around business which often do not appear in my search engine or do without the population I want to hear from and trust the critiques and/or praise. Gossip, of course, is more than this and can be problematic AF but also I feel like it is a key principle.  

What's a key space for vulnerability, intimacy, and survival for black womxn for you?

Chinwe: I think honesty. Something I'm finding, and it kind of ties into what you're saying about gossip, talking, being truthful, and getting at that truth is that I find myself in these circumstances were many months after an altercation or an awkward circumstance, I sit down and I have a conversation with someone where I'm like "you know, I didn't say this three months ago when this person was being fucked up, but this person was being fucked up and this is how it went down" and they're like, "my God, my experience with this person was that they were fucked up and I didn't want to say anything." And thinking about white supremacy and the way that black womxn are silenced all the time, I think it's really important for our survival to be vocal, especially with each other because of the ways in which black womxn take care of each other and have the capacity to take care of each other. I don't know if honesty is the most comprehensive term to describe what I'm getting at, but that's the meat of it. Really it's impossible to know how to take care of someone unless you know what's really going on. There are multiple times I think back on and I wish I would have said to a friend, "Yo, this happened and or is happening to me."

Essence: But you have to be trusting and knowing that someone can hold that for you.

Chinwe: Totally. Not everybody can and not everyone will. And really the only way to discover that is to be vulnerable with people.

Essence: And I think that's really hard. When the world tells you that you cannot hold that space for yourself. That what's happening to you isn't really happening to you and I think because a lot of people, Queer folks and non-queer people who have relationships with men, and I mean the spectrum of manhood quite seriously, that are deeply troubling and fucked up. That people sustain and get told to sustain a lot of abuse or told it didn't happen to them or it doesn't matter. So then you're like, okay, I don't want to have my ass out here without support or protection, especially in relation to someone who may have social capital or general admiration who is the one inflicting this pain. So you weather it and you see if there are people you can trust and at some point you can share something and someone may be like "that happened to me" and you realize there's this whole network, often underground, of people who have been fucked by this person or fucked with by this person or dealt with something really similar.

But it's hard. It's hard to be like vulnerable because rejection is possible and the stakes are high. And I think like that little cycling back and forth, it's just kind of like a daily act, you know, some people are in your corner one day and they might not be the next. A lot of people don't have the capacity or faculty to be in your corner even if they might want to and that's really real. But the little networks that we have, I do really believe in because it's such a presence in my life and how I got to grow up. These are kin networks who are taking care of each other. And that feels like an underground network of maintaining black girlhood and womxnhood as something precious, worthwhile and something that can survive, thriving maybe, but certainly, survive. And maybe, I guess, they expected us to thrive at some point, which is why they sent folks to these public schools and not these other ones. Why they relied on these forums, particular spaces, and enterprises. Why this person is going to pick you up and do this, that, and the third so that hopefully, your life is a little bit better. In reality that's why we're all here, in particular, I'm thinking of those with enslaved black ancestry. You only exist because someone had the capacity to imagine that maybe it would be different. Unfortunately, slavery and its afterlife is a wake of many sorts (shout out to Kristina Shape) is the name of the game and the West doesn't really play about that but that sensibility is also why we're here. It's pretty terrifying.

Chinwe: Terrifying. And it's a weird thing to be grateful of your existence because of a past (present) terrible reality or the capacity of your will to endure because it was severely tested.

Essence: Because the reality is people killed themselves who were enslaved, people killed their children who were enslaved. People do and did all kinds of things. Because the resounding "no!" which recognized death at all sides also looked like folks refusing their materiality and imagining that someone else, this next child, perhaps wouldn't know this death. Right or wrong, living death or ending death via death there was a "doing" happening. And some way somehow black people are here.

Chinwe: Goddamn, we really are here. Anything else on your mind?

Essence: Gossip. I love talking on the phone, I think it's fantastic.

Essence Harden is an independent curator, writer, and Ph.D candidate located in Los Angeles. Essence’s mind wonders towards black California, art as geography, and collaborative blackspace making. She continues to have an interdisciplinary art practice and recently designed a pair of shoes for Everybody World.

Chinwe Okona is a multimedia artist/photographer/writer and MBA candidate based out of Los Angeles. Her work focuses on themes of black identity, nostalgia, and forgiveness as an attempt to archive narratives documenting personal existence. In 2016, she founded PALMSS Magazine, an annual anthology of creative people of color and their work.

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