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rubiehart · 2 days

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when john b is wanted by the cops, leopard!reader uses her pretty privilege to get the pogues some sustenance in the form of shitty pizza.

the roughed up teens sit in the crowded truck, seats reclined to keep them out of view of any passers-by who were drooling for that reward money. the yellow-ish light coming from the ‘urban slice’ sign illuminated the side walk, casting eerie shadows across the faces of the teens and distorted reflections against the windows.

“does anyone have any more cash to contribute?” clearly irritated, pope tries again, shaking the few coins he has in the palm of his hand, giving expected looks towards everyone. the silence was all the evidence he needed and he lets out a long sigh.

“dude, i’m so hungry i could eat my own arm.” jj pipes up, throwing his head back against the seat and flopping his arm around for empasis. the girl with her head on his lap gives him a sideways look, teeth crunching down loudly on the hard candy, completely unamused by his antics.

“only time i’ll agree with jj.” kiara adds from the driver’s seat, throwing an arm over her eyes and groaning. jj scoffs. “how much you got pope?” the second girl asks, sitting up from her laying position against jj and eyeing up pope expectedly. “uh-“ he starts, jingling the coins around between his palms to count. “79 cents.” he almost winces, eyes flitting to the girls face as she throws herself back against the leather seat with a groan. “great.”

“will you all shut up, for even five seconds? please.” john b asks with his eyebrows furrowed, turning his body to face the three in the backseat, eyes trained specifically on the girl with a short temper. “acting like i can’t hear your stomach rumbling from here.” she quips back, arms crossed over her chest, an equally unamused expression on her face.

huffing impatiently, she takes one last glance at her unhelpful friends, reaching over pope to pull the handle of the door. “since none of you losers wanna help-“ she starts, climbing over pope’s stunned body and jumping down onto the pavement, her sneakers smacking the concrete. “i’ll just do this myself.”

“um- i know i’m not the plan guy but i’m not really seein’ how this is workin’ out.” john b adds from the front seat, eyeing her suspiciously through the dirty window and she rolls her eyes, a little grin gracing her lips, teeth glinting in the shifty light.

“i got this. ‘kay?” she directs the questions at everyone, but her eyes are still trained on john b’s, blinking slowly as his eyes widen ever so slightly, his whole attitude seemingly changing. “uh- yeah whatever, be safe n’ stuff.” he nods, ignoring jj’s teasing from the backseat.

she gives everyone a once over, returning kiara’s supportive thumbs up with sticking her tongue out, slamming the car door and starting towards the borderline abandoned pizzeria.

she pushes open the door, big smile on her face directed to the only person behind the counter, a boy about her age, his cheeks noticeably redden as he looks her over, he hesitantly returns a little smile as she shoves her hands into the back pockets of her shorts, back arched a little and tits pushed forward as she eyes up the menu overhead.

her eyes are big and innocent as she blinks slowly at the menu, eyes flitting to his once she’d decided. “could i please get a large pizza, deep dish.“ she starts, eyes trained on him intently as he nods, stabbing nervously at the shitty screen, attempting to take her order.

“um- what toppings?” he hiccups out, her eyes widen a little and she pouts her lips a little, looking to the side as if she was thinking. “hmm..” she mumbles, bouncing on her heels a little, boobs practically in his face as she reels of her incessant list of toppings.

“cool. uh- will that be all?” he asks, scratching behind his ear awkwardly as he tries to keep his eyes on her face. “mhm. and a strawberry milkshake, extra whipped cream.” she smiles, rapping her nails against the chipped marble counter, tips of his ears reddening as he processes the order and quickly scurries into the back without another word.

she smirks to herself, pulling out her phone and swiping onto whatever app to pass the time, elbows leaning against the counter as the guy sneaks glances at her whilst sprinkling olives onto her pizza.

sliding her order across the counter to her. “that’ll be $12.95.” he nods, and she smiles, a little too confidently for someone who currently doesn’t even have a cent to her name. “for sure.”

she reaches into her bra, purposely making a show of dipping hem of her tank down to show the lace of her bra. “oh shoot.” she whispers, theatrically patting down the rest of her pockets and sighing when she expectedly finds nothing, concealing her smirk at the way his gaze followed her hands, shamlessly taking up and down her body as she pouted.

“i must’ve forgot my purse..” she mumbles, throwing one hand down at her side, giving her best puppy eyes to the scrawny boy and he goes red, something that seemed to be routine for him. “uh, y’know what, it’s on the house. closing up this shit hole in half an hour or so anyways-“ he coughs up the excuse, clearly a lie but she was thankful anyway.

“really?” she smiles, canines gleaming as she picks up the pizza box, milkshake in the other hand, wrapping her lips around the shitty paper straw and taking an overly suggestive sip, eyes closed and fluttering as she lets out a pleasured noise.

“that’s really good.” she smiles, he’s bright red by this point and she’s feeling a little bad, although she does take pride in making perverted men uncomfortable, he seemed sweet so she left it at that. “see ya!” she turns on her heel, waving behind her as the little bell above the door chimes to signal her exit, sneakers tapping against the concrete as she slides open the truck door again, the smell of freshly baked pizza filling the senses of the starved teens.

“someone order a pizza?”

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thegoldencontracts · 2 days

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Housewardens with a Tsundere!Reader (Pt. 1)

I've seen this a lot, and I wanted to share my own takes on how I think they'd act! This is a part one, including Riddle, Leona, and Azul.

Summary: You're tough, brash, and rude, getting snippy at all those who try to approach you. All for the sake of covering up your soft side. How do the housewardens react?

Notes: Romance, GN!reader

Contains: Riddle, Leona, Azul

Riddle Rosehearts

He thinks your behavior is highly improper.

When he first approaches you, you do not hesitate to screech that he's an idiot.

He can and will try to collar you if you're getting particularly loud.

All in all, he thinks you and your defensive, brash nature are utterly infuriating. If you hit him, expect to be collared. You're just- so annoying.

...So why does his heart race whenever he's around you?

That's right. Riddle's also a tsundere (sometimes, at least)

And that means you two are evenly matched

Poor Trey often has to watch you two and your constant bickering, and your occasional stammering.

You yell that Riddle's an idiot, he says you're a buffoon who never learned to respect the rules. Both of you secretly like each other. It is painful to watch.

You make Riddle lunch and you claim you just had extra. Of course, he responds by denying his appreciation.

Who will confesses first? It really depends on whose friends decide to finally intervene.

All in all, you two have a cute yet infuriating to watch relationship.

Leona Kingscholar

He doesn't have time for you, or so he thinks.

When he first sees you, rebuking you for encroaching upon his territory, you call him an idiot for thinking anyone would ever take his ridiculous territory claims seriously.

You're not off to a great start. Leona is very likely to try and make you put your money where your mouth is.

...With a game of chess, of course! Leona just woke up and doesn't feel like particularly like fighting right now.

That, and, he doesn't know why, but he really doesn't feel like getting you hurt.

Considering just how good Leona is, there's a very good chance he'll absolutely demolish you.

But if you manage to win, he'll definitely be impressed.

Either way, he'll tell you to stop bothering him. You huff, and say he was the one bothering you, and that's that.

Except it isn't. Of course, somehow, the two of you end up stuck together. First you're paired up in a joint class, then you're both locked in the botanical gardens during an emergency, and then Ruggie keeps making the two of you talk.

Leona hates it. Considering the way you huff, you do you.

Except, once again, neither of you do.

You actually try to get closer to Leona - despite the roundabout, brash way you go about it - and he hates that he likes it.

Your average interaction at first consists of him telling you to 'get away, herbivore', and you yelling at him to 'stop bossing me around, idiot!'

But slowly, he stops pushing you away. And you warm up with time too.

You're weirdly friendly - though sometimes, your insults do genuinely get to Leona. You'll apologize in that roundabout, flustered way of yours, and though Leona rarely vocalizes, he'll accept.

He doesn't want to lose you, after all, no matter how much he pretends he couldn't care less.

Leona doesn't confess first. You don't confess first. Ruggie confesses first on both of your behalfs, and though Leona plans to chew him out at first, when things work out, Ruggie quickly finds himself on the receiving end of countless donuts.

While dating, both of you will likely be softer with one another.

Once again, very cute relationship, and both of you are so harsh and yet so soft with each other at the same time.

Azul Ashengrotto

At first, Azul genuinely dislikes you. Your posturing, your pride, the way you seem to look down on him with your endless insults reminds him of those who bullied him.

But, Azul isn't that same little octopus anymore. He's grown used to insults, sadly. He's been looked down on all his life.

Your words mean nothing to him. They're a slight sting at most.

Overall, he'd just like to stay away from you. The moment you first met, you told him to "S-Stay away from me, you scheming idiot!"

Then, when he - in an attempt to stay smug despite his burgeoning temper - asked you if you were scared, you replied that you could never be scared of a slow, clumsy loser like him.

Slow, clumsy, idiotic octopus. That's what they called him as a kid.

And then, he sees your cuter moments. The more endearing ones. And he can't help but feel his heart flutter against his wishes.

God, Azul hates it. He hates how cute he finds you, how his heart races whenever he's around you.

Love is a position of vulnerability. Azul's meant to take advantage of it, not be the one stuck with it!

And, well, Azul's never known anything but rejection when it comes to true connection. Even the twins always insisted they were nothing more than his business partners (though the accuracy of their claim is rather dubious).

And you? You're going to mock him for sure.

Truth be told, Azul's scared. He's scared of what'll happen if you find out about the budding feeling in his chest, and he's scared of being laughed at by someone who he can't help but love.

So, of course, he tries to keep his walls up. Never drop that smug air of his. Never let you see the burgeoning fear underneath.

But that doesn't work out. You do manage to squeeze out the cracks in his facade, but then you laugh, saying he should really drop that infuriating smug face and do this more often because it looks cute, and he doesn't know what to do.

People aren't supposed to love this side of him. Least of all you. You're always insulting him, after all!

And yet, you think he looks cute like this. He hates how much his face flushes at that.

Now that Azul's developed a crush, he can't deny that, now, there are times when your jabs get to him. He doesn't say anything. He can't. He had to remain composed, because otherwise he's opening himself up to endless mockery.

But one day, it gets to him, and he finds himself hunched in a corner, reverting to his old habits as he furiously checks himself for any imperfections. What's he doing wrong? Is his voice truly annoying?

...And then you walk in on him.

How had he forgotten to lock the door? He feels like such a moron, but he can't let you see, or-

You're nothing but patient and apologetic. Even as he hisses at you to leave, threatens you, and tries to make you a contract, you're still patient.

You apologize, for once. He can't help but still get prickly with you, after all, you've just witnessed a humiliating moment of his that you caused. But he still does appreciate it.

You two do gradually get closer, softer, doing favors for one another. Feelings are budding. And yet, neither of you do anything.

Eventually, Jade and Floyd intervene, and just straight up set you two up. It's embarrassing for the both of you, but hey, at least you got together.

Azul's still docking their pay, of course.

Though the two of you get off to a rough start, you still manage to find your way together in the end.

#azul ashengrotto #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #twst azul #azul x reader #twst x reader #azul ashengrotto x you #azul x you #Riddle #twst Riddle #riddle x you #leona x you

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merakiui · 2 days

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MERA MERA MERA I HAD A BIG BRAIN MOMENT!!!

so you got knocked up right? and because you’re in another world where you legally don’t exist or have any history it’s pretty hard to get a job to support your new baby. (and depending on if you still attend nrc or not you’re still in college) so you decide to make a deal with azul. you give him your body and take on a couple shifts at the lounge in exchange for enough money to provide a roof over your head and food for your baby. (kinda like that one fic of yours but also kinda not? like yes it is still sexy but he’s very gentle with read; worships you)

and azul treats you right. he never overworks you cause he knows you’re tired, he lets you get off shifts in case there’s an emergency with your little one, he even cooks free meals for you himself cause he knows you’re extra hungry because of breast feeding. lactation kink lmao

he’s just a really good boss who sometimes lets you stay over a little extra longer in case you just need a break from your baby for a bit. he even pays the babysitter’s overtime fees. sometimes it’s almost as though he just wants your company himself too, but that’s a bit of a far fetch for a new mom who looks the part you’ve never been more beautiful to him.

and best of all? he gets along with your baby! he loves your baby. sometimes he even offers to babysit the little one and loves when you bring them over. you’re sure he’ll be a great dad to his future kids. and whomever has him as a husband is lucky it’s you and your baby, delulu ass.

add on to my last ask:

asul mourns the fact that he didn’t make a deal with you sooner. you have no idea how hot he thought you were when pregnant

- - -

AAAAAA YES YES!!!! This is so big brain omg,,,, Azul proving to you that he can be a good husband and father when he looks after you and your baby. He really does hope to get closer to you through all of this because he genuinely wants what's best for you, and he tells you that if you ever need anything (whatever it may be) he'll always be here to lend a hand. He's so sweet and sincere,,, so understanding... <3

He horny grips every time you leak through your shirt at work, and you have to excuse yourself briefly to clean up. Azul has to act normal, but he'd be lying if he didn't want to tear open your shirt and drink straight from your tits. orz orz he's down so bad.

>:) maybe one day he'll get you pregnant so that he can indulge in your glowing beauty. Don't ask him about the pictures he has on his phone of you when you were pregnant... those are for.......nothing in particular. ^^;;;

#twisted chit chat #feverish-dove #tw: pregnancy #tw: lactation

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marragurl · 6 hours

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Ok so like…. Who makes Ratio’s statues?

Because every possible explanation just opens up a whole new can of worms.

I’ve been trying to go through as much info about him as I can, including his character stories, but I can’t find anything???

So I’m just left stewing in the dark, which usually leads to my humor coming into play.

So like… are the statues of Ratio’s own making??

Because that would insinuate that he takes the time out of his busy life to constantly make new statues of just himself, including the multiple plaster heads. And if it’s not him physically and it is a manifestation of his Imaginary powers, he’s still making them right???

So he still chooses the poses!

Why???

What is his thought process???

Physically made or Imaginary Powers made, it’s still his choice on what the statue should look like right???

And if it’s not a conscious decision, then WHAT DO THE JOJO AND CUTESY POSES MEAN

IS JOJO’S BIZARRE ADVENTURES FUCKING CANON IN HSR??

IS IT A SHOW THAT EXISTS??

ARE YOU TELLING ME ARAKI FUCKING EXISTS IN HSR??

AND RATIO IS A FAN??????

DON’T TELL ME IT’S JUST A FUN REFERENCE BY THE HSR TEAM, YEA IT’S META TO US BUT IT’S CANON TO THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE THAT RATIO HAS A STATUE OF HIMSELF DOING A JOJO POSE

On the other hand, if it’s not Ratio himself making them… who is it????

Is Ratio commissioning some artists?? Multiple artists? Only one?!?!?

Is it some weird form of extra credit for his students???

(Student A: Hey wanna hang out tonight?

Student B: Can’t. Gotta finish up this statue of Dr. Ratio examining his codex by Friday if I wanna get a passing grade in the class

Student A: You can sculpt???

Student B crying with 100 tabs of ‘how to sculpt’ videos and wikiHows pulled up and no sleep: I’m trying my best here Sharon)

Is he like those Renaissance time rich people who basically paid for their favorite artist’s livelihood in order to just make nice art in return??? Is there now a really well-off sculptor somewhere in the universe who is just constantly being paid by THE Dr. Ratio to make stone statues of the man??? Does the artist just put that down in their tax returns??

(back at it again with Topaz suffering from Ratiorine’s antics, she’s the one in charge of Ratio’s Sculptor’s taxes)

THAT STILL DOESN’T ANSWER THE STATUE POSE QUESTIONS

DID THE ARTIST ADD IN THE JOJO POSE AND HEART POSE AS A GAG??? AND SURVIVE RATIO SEEING THEM??

WORSE- DID RATIO COMMISSION THE POSES??? WHAT WAS THAT CONVERSATION EVEN LIKE??? DID HE HAVE TO POSE?? DOES THE ARTIST JUST HAVE AN ENTIRE SCRAPBOOK OF RATIO DOING DIFFERENT POSES FOR CONSTANT REFERENCE?

FUCK IT, DID AVENTURINE GET IN CONTACT WITH THE ARTIST AND PAY EVEN MORE MONEY FOR THE CUTESY POSES??

(Whole new thought process, the artist is making statues of Ratio for both Ratio AND Aventurine, and all the cute statues are actually commissions by Aventurine for his little Dr. Ratio idol crush shrine. There’s a constant slapstick comedy routine of Aventurine trying to hide them anytime Ratio comes over to his place and barely getting away with it. Does he ever come clean when they start dating? Do they start dating because Ratio finds the statues? Fuck it, if Ratio is the one making the statues and not an artist, does he teach Aventurine how to sculpt?? Does it become like something they do together to spend time?? Ok damn wait that’s kinda cute wait-)

WAIT ADDING ON TO THAT- DOES THAT MEAN FOLLOWING THIS THOUGHT PROCESS THAT AVENTURINE IS THE JOJO FAN???? HE’S A FUCKING JOTARO STAN???

(wait- brisk MC who’s rude to everyone but soft on those he cares about and has the muscles of a Greek god and eventually goes into academia, oh my fucking god Aventurine has a type)

PLEASE

I NEED TO KNOW WHERE ARE THESE STATUES COMING FROM

EVERYONE SEEMS TO KNOW ABOUT THEM, THEY AREN’T A SECRET

IS HIS HOUSE JUST FULL OF STATUES???

DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE-ASS GRECO-ROMAN-STYLE GARDEN FULL OF HIS OWN STATUES???

DOES THE ARTIST SEE A STATUE DISAPPEAR FROM THE GARDEN AND IMMEDIATELY KNOW RATIO USED HIS TECHNIQUE TO SLAM ONE DOWN BREAKING IT AND JUST GO “fucking hell man, I was just about to go on break! Now I need to start a new one!”

IS IT A HOBBY?? HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET INTO SCULPTING AS A HOBBY WITH HIS SCHEDULE???

ARE THEY GIFTS??

FROM WHO, STUDENTS??? ADMIRERS? FUCK IT, AVENTURINE???

DOES THE ARTIST BEING COMMISSIONED EVEN HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE RATIO STATUES??? DO THEY EVEN HAVE THE ABILITY TO SCULPT ANYTHING OTHER THAN RATIO AT THIS POINT??? HAVE THEY SEEN ANY OTHER BEING OUTSIDE OF THEIR STUDIO AND THE HUNDREDS OF RATIO STATUES???

PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO ANSWER ME

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sturniolo-rat · 2 days

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✨Chris Sturniolo Headcanons✨

For Black Girls✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

💋 Chris loves black girls

I’m sorry but in my head Chris prefers black girls. Like Atlanta Georgia black girls… thick, dark, dressed to the nines, hair done, acrylic nails 💅🏽💅🏾💅🏿absolute fucking queens. Like I don’t describe Y/N in any way but best believe if it’s a Chris fic she’s black to me.

💋 He sees fucking hates racists

This doesn’t actually need to be said but I figured We’d get this out of the way first. Chris definitely listens to you when you talk about race issues so he knows all about micro aggressions. He always notices them and stands up for you every time. “Baby, if anyone says that shit to you again I’m gonna catch an assault charge!”

💋 He owns silk sheets

This man most definitely would buy a full set of silk sheets after you sleep over his house for the first time and he notices you brought your own satin/silk pillowcase. He doesn’t realize it’s for your hair until he surprises you with them the next time you sleep over and you tell him. “Oh, I just thought you were being bougie.” Then he buys more sets of them because he decides to throw away all his cotton sheets.

💋 He learns your hair care routine

Chris is the only white person you trust to touch your hair. He makes taking care of your hair into a really loving and intimate experience. If you’re in the bath he adds epsom salts, sets up candles, and does a bunch of stuff to set the mood. “You have any music requests, Mama? If not I’m probably just gonna put on the sexy time playlist.” He sits out side of the bath and takes his time washing and conditioning your hair making sure to detangle and section it the way you taught him. He does the same thing when you’re in the shower except he stops occasionally to pull you close and feel you up. “Come here, Baby. You’re so fuckin’ pretty and you smell so nice and clean. I just can’t resist.”

💋 He sits with you when you’re getting your hair braided and brings you snacks

Before your appointment he packs you a lunch bag full of snacks for the both of you because of course he’s coming with you. “Alright, Baby, we’ve got Doritos, McDonald’s chicken nuggets, and a shit ton of candy. We’re all set to go.” If you think he’s not gonna come when you’re gonna be in the chair unable to get away from his yapping you are sorely mistaken. He’s always keeping everyone entertained and happy. “What’s up ladies! You have any tea for me today.” It’s just him feeding you snacks and having silly conversations with you and the person doing your hair. If you ever show up to your appointment without him everyone misses him.

💋 He pays for your acrylics

He insists on giving you the money every two weeks because he’s just “helping to keep his princess feeling pretty” He also likes to help you figure out designs and themes nails. He sends you random texts with nail inspo all the time. “I know a zoo theme seems extra, but let me cook, Mama!” I’m certain that he makes you get a C for Chris on one of your nails every time you get new set. This probably isn’t exclusive to black girls but like as a black person who gets their nails done I like to go all out on the designs and shit gets expensive.

💋 You convince him to wear a durag

He only agrees to do it one time in the house. You use the situation to teach him its use and significance in black hair care. It takes him a few tries and you have to demonstrate it a lot but eventually he is able to put it on correctly and he looks super cute. Not cute in a “this is a good look for you” kind of way, but in an aww “the little white boy is engaging in cultural appreciation” type of way. “I think if anyone saw me like this I would get cancelled.”

Taglist

Masterlist

Idk if people put their tag lists on headcanon posts??? Pls advise

@daddyslilchickenfingers2 @mrsmiagreer @rafecameronsbitch @lovergirl4387 @gdsvhtwa @ashley9282828 @j-worlds-blog @stephanienwf @achrisgirly @draculaura123 @abbypost @cind2224 @crazychrisl0v3r @ryli3sworld @bkwrld @chrattstromboli @pinkishpearls @pepsienthusiasts @stunza @sturnssmuts @angelic-sturniolos111 @69isabella69 @maryx2xx @sturniolo04 @bigbeefybitch @klaus223492 @r93339 @sturnzsblog @spotconlon55 @robins-scoop @junovrsmp4 @sturnlover4eva @blahbel668 @lilahnowheretobefound @luxy-nyx @tuffsturns @m0r94n @sturnstvs @pepsicolapussy333 @maddyslifesstuff @dogblof @honeymoonxxz @xplr-sturns-e-m @hayhjelmstad15

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rosicheeks · 1 year

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😔

#I can’t believe that the shipping is so outrageous for international #one of my mutuals let me know that when you try to get my paintings some of them go up $50+ for just shipping #that’s fucking ridiculous #unfortunately I’m dirt broke right now so there’s nothing I can do #but I really really hope my shop takes off soon #and when it does and I get a little extra money #I’ll be able to cover some of the shipping so it’s not so crazy #but for now there’s nothing I can do #I thought about covering it now but I looked at my bank account #and I only have $20 for this week #soooooooo I’m sorry but I can’t right now #but my plan is to eventually cover some of it #I’ll let you know when I’m able to!#but uhm for now #my lovely US followers?#mostly all of my paintings have free shipping for you!#so pls pls pls check my Etsy shop out #and if you can’t buy anything PLEASE reblog so more people can see my shop 💖#shut up rosie

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shirogane-oushirou · 16 hours

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[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]

me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "

the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)

so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')

#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn #i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN #i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn #i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -

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freeforaugust · 3 months

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Communicate like an adult and get results :)

#one the best things I've learned to do in the last five years is advocate for myself #new people took over the kennel I contract at and they haven't been giving me any of the boarding nail trims #I've been a little miffed about it but didn't say anything bc I assumed it was a money thing - if I do the nail trim I get commission #but if a kennel tech does it they don't get commission #today I caught them with a special baby of mine tho and they had just gotten started so I said #I'm supposed to be the only one who does her nails #and the tech was thrilled bc she doesn't like doing nail trims anyway #so after that I pulled myself together and said something to the manager about how the old owner had me do basically all of the nail trims #and he goes #great!#we all hate doing nail trims #and I ended up with 3 today and 2 tomorrow which is an extra $25 in my pocket so that's awesome #i really have found just talking about things like an adult (calmly and rationally) can get you the things you want most of the time #ig bc I grew up with a parent who would sometimes snap at me just for speaking I always expect the worst reactions from people #but so far I've found I almost always get the best #and even when I don't get what I want #nobody has yelled at me for asking

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ghost-roads · 2 years

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listen if i had a rich friend you would never find me being too proud to let them buy me stuff. i'm against money inequality and pro redistribution. no one should be rich. if you're rich i'm taking your money. and since i legally can't do that i am making you buy all my lunches. and cinema tickets. it's the least you can do.

#rain talks #pride ain't got nothing to do with it money doesn't mean shit to me #it's just little trinkets you're given in life to exchange for necessities. why does this guy get more trinkets than me. the only logical #explanation is that he's gonna use his extra trinkets to exchange them for commodities for other people #just like when i've got some extra trinkets i give them to people who need them more than me because otherwise i just have trinkets in my #pockets that aren't gonna be of any use there but if some guy is finding himself short of a few trinkets well look!! i've got some in my #pocket that i'm not using #like idk man until we call game over and redeal the trinkets i feel like that's the way it's gotta go

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shakestheclown · 7 months

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i feel like killing myself does anyone else feel like killing themselves

#i wish i could just live alone lmao #i need to eat regularly but i cant make food for myself after work w/o my little brother asking me to make him something else too #which isnt the worst thing but hes 20 he could use the oven literally anytime but he refuses to even try #and my time before+after work is so limited i dont feel like cooking a bunch of extra food for somebody who couldve done it hours ago #and then when i try to plan meals out for my family either he'd rather go to sleep or my mom (knows im cooking and then) leaves the house #AND they both get mad and offended if i order food just for myself BUT ALSO if i order for me+my brother he refuses to eat anything besides #mcdonalds which i hate like. i cant win and im just so sick of being alive #on the one hand my brother would never eat if i didnt make him food/buy him food but on the other hand at what point does it stop being my #responsibility... i'm tired i just wanna live in a world where i only have to look after myself and not worry abt everyone hating me #regardless nothing is appetizing to me anymore and i never have time to eat anyway not to mention money like im just so sick of being alive #[liza minelli cackle]

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brothersonahotelbed · 1 year

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i need your guys's opinion. so last semester i turned in a rough draft of a writing assignment we were assigned and my teacher put a question mark next to this particular passage and said she didn't understand the metaphor i was using and i need to know other people's opinions on it bc to me it made perfect sense. im trying to describe the books in my room/my love for books without using the word "books" and i was really loving the idea that books are corpses and i'm like a god of death, collecting bodies (books) for my own pleasure. so does this make sense

***

These days I have been so hungry for new bodies that I often pay the pallbearer extra money to drop them off on my front porch. I take good care of my corpses but many have been tested by time, barely held together by their crinkly, yellow skins and weather-weakened spines. I love them all the same, and though I am not a god of the dead, I am quite fond of playing Hades and growing my collection of corpses with each passing day.

#sometimes i do this thing i describe things excessively and use metaphors that only really make sense to me in my head.#and i forget people can't see inside my head and know exactly what im thinking when im writing. so i was wondering if #thats what is happening here or if it DOES make sense and my teacher just didn't get enongh sleep the night before or something #the 'extra money' part was sort of referring to a recent time when i paid for express shipping just to get my books quicker #reading it now i can see that that part is a little confusing but everything else i thought was undersatndble enough. ?#loquitur

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cryptotheism · 20 days

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I love when modern horror movies do this.

I was watching The Autopsy of Jane Doe. Let's play a game. If a coroner approached me with this symbol, what would I tell him?

Two big flags: That's a woven textile, and those are Roman letters. Most surviving Roman spells were written on stone or metal stele. Roman characters on papyrus practically screams North Africa, 1st-4th century AD.

Given, there is no textile on earth that could survive the stomach acid like this, so I'm assuming something supernatural is happening.

So north Africa, 1-4th century AD. That specific type of circle is clearly remineacent of Solomoic magic. The thing is. Solomonic seals were usually produced in an Egyptian milieu. Authentic North african magical characters usually have little loops on the end, because they're trying to imitate the ankh. Or they look noticably Greek.

Whats interesting to me, is that the symbol inside the circle is more Greek-Pythagorean than Egyptian. It's got that square capped with triangles. That's a neoplatonist sacred geometry thing.

Also, I have the movie paused, but I would bet money those numerals on the edges are supposed to correspond to bible verses. I would bet money one of them is supposed to be EX 22:18.

Which, if that's true, would mean that this isn't 1-4th century, but more like a post-golden-dawn reprint from the 1850s.

Official prediction: This bitch is supposed to be an 1850s American frontier witch. The prop designers get extra points if they want me to think she was part of the Salem witch trials, or some other sensational event like that.

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sugume · 2 months

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HOLE IN THE WALL — JUJUTSU KAISEN

( TW ) f!reader. sex work. unprotected sex. praise. dedegration. unprotected sex. creampies. spanking. (Not a gangbang btw, just back to back sex!)

FEATURING. Toji Fushiguro, Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento.

authors note. I thought it would be fun to leave the identities a mystery,,,can you guess the order of who is who 🤭 ? I fear this is unedited bc I’m still suffering in bed and hate rereading 😔

. . . 9:30 PM

You lay comfortably on the bench underneath you. Well as comfortably as you could. Your boss refused to buy new benches, instead leaving you and your coworkers with these .5-inch foam benches. You’ve gotten used to it, so it doesn’t bother you much these days.

“Gettin’ your first customer y/n! It’s businessman!” The new girl yelled through the door your lower body was in. You don’t bother yelling back. She’d be long gone by now. You scoot your ass further into the private room. You know ‘businessman’ likes watching your ass recoil against his hips. You perk up when you hear the door open and shut.

“Hey sweetheart,” Businessman says is a tired raspy voice. “Hi!” You say back, he’s been here so much that you know he fucks better when he’s able humanize the ass hanging out the wall for him.

You feel his rough hands fondle with your ass. You shake a little, earning a small laugh and pinch. “So perfect.” He groans and within a few seconds you feel the rubber covered tip of his cock head at the entrance. He pushes in slowly, and your grateful your last I lent used a bit too much lube, leaving you wet enough to take businessman’s cock without much struggle.

“Fuck yes, waited all day for this pussy.” He grunts, hands gripping your hips. He pushes in and out at a slow pace, he likes savoring the feeling of your tight pussy. You moan softly at the feeling of his cock sliding against your walls at the gentle pace but that gentle pace soon turns into the rough fucking you’re used to. The type of fucking only a stressed man who wastes his money and sex shop could give you. You moan louder, his cock hitting all your soft spots.

“Want you to come with me alright?” He brings his hands around to your clit. He rubs harsh circles into your clit and after being used and denied orgasm for so long you're coming in his big cock as he fills the condom. “Fuck, sweetheart. You’re so good to me, so good.” He rambles and you respond with small thanks You's

. . . 9:45 PM

Several minutes after businessman gently shut to door you hear the door open. Men back-to-back which you’d usually be pissed at but after that orgasm your relaxed enough and it’s not like you have a choice.

“Ha! So, this is where he goes after work?” A man says in a deep voice, albeit childish tone. “And I thought he was innocent! Hello? Is this real?” The man pushes a finger into your ass as if he was expecting to feel silicone. There goes your good mood.

“Hi, yes I’m real and that kinda hurt!” You say loud enough to pass the drywall that covers your upper body. The man laughs and you can feel his breath on your ass, it feels like he’s close enough to look through the curtain your ass hangs out. “Uhm—you aren’t allowed to look through that sir!” You stutter, ready to yell for the faux security to come get a rowdy man out.

“Sorry! Just wanted a sneak peek!” He laughs, standing back up and silently admiring the view of your shiny ass. He brings his long hands down and starts rubbing all over your ass. You roll your eyes; his dick better be decent.

“Does the man that came in before me come here a lot?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Pretty please?”

“Do I have to call security?” You grumble.

“Sorry pretty, can a man not talk anymore? Where the lube—oh there we go, now let me—” The man does something you can’t see before suddenly shoving his too-long dick into you. You scream into the bench.

“Oh fuck, so fucking tight.” He grits out as your pussy clenches hard around him. “Should’ve paid extra for no protection.” He whispers to himself before pulling out of you. He pushes back in before his mushroom head could leave your warm pussy.

You moan louder than you have all day as he continues to fuck you with his long cock. He’s fucking you so good, tip hitting your cervix that you feel your pussy start to pulse around him. You’re about to cum again.

“Fuck, pretty, come on my cock.” He slams into you, hand going down to claw your hips. You open your mouth in a silent scream as you come on the cocky man’s cock.

. . . 10:37 PM

You settle back onto the bench, bladder empty and stomach full of the lunch box you packed for yourself. To wake yourself up, you had to splash your face with water a few times. The back-to-back orgasms those men had given you were enough to lose all the energy you had before coming to work. As you settled back in you mentally prepared yourself for the full night you had ahead of yourself. Back-to-back orgasms were unheard of here, you were lucky, and doubted it would ever happen again. The door slams shut, for cling you to stop thinking about those men. You lie on the bench and look at the concrete wall to the side.

“Missed me girl?” The older man grunted, and your heart skipped a beat. It was him. Your favorite client. He hadn’t been here in so long you thought he might’ve been killed or sent to jail. You knew he wasn’t the sanest man out there.

“S-sir?” You hesitantly ask, calling your favorite client by the nickname he loved.

“Mhm.” He answers, heavy hands coming to rub and fondle your pussy. You feel your face heat. “This pussy miss me? Miss actually having orgasms in this hell hold?”

You answer him with a lie, he didn’t have to know you were still coming down from two orgasms with cocks that could rival his.

“Knew you did girl, but I', back. Gonna give this sweet pussy the orgasm it’s been craving.” The man pulls out his cock, thankful he was able to scrap enough change to pay for unprotected sex with you. He just had to not come inside, or else he was banned from every location in the city. He runs the tips all over your ass and pussy, before shoving his cock into you. You dig your nails into the sides of the bench as his fat cock stretches you. Not even the other cocks before were this girthy.

“F-fuck sir!” You scream when he slaps your ass. You clench around his cock, not wanting him to pull out.

“All these damn cocks and this pussy is still this tight, fuckin’ A.” He grunts, slapping your ass as he thrust in and out of you. The sheer force of him has you coming so hard that your vision goes black for a second before returning when he hits a particular spot.

“That was fuckin’ fast girl. Gonna make me come.” He grunts and brings his hand down fast and hard. The sound of his smack echoes in the empty room. “Wish I could come in this pussy.” He grumbles before pulling out. He first his fat cock before getting an idea. He brings the tip to your entrance, not pushing it in, and empties his load. You gasp and the feeling of his come spurting all over your pussy. You should be screaming right now, if any of his come had gotten into you, you could be pregnant. But inside your pussy thrums at the thought of this older mystery man leaving you with nothing but his child. You wish you weren’t on birth control.

. . . 11:01 PM

The man didn’t bother cleaning his come off you. Instead, he said he was leaving it as a parting gift because he didn’t know the next time he would see you. You were too fucked out to clean yourself off, so you left his cum just as he left it. Smeared and dripping off your pussy.

When the next man came in you didn’t even care that he was about you fuck another man's come into you, you found it hot. He didn’t though.

“Can’t believe my best friend sent me here to look at a used pussy.” He spit out and you tensed.

“Huh—”

“You heard me, matter of fact I was just told that you weren’t allowed creampies? Going against company rules now? Fuckin’ slutty bitch.” He snarls and brings a hand down to pinch at your swollen clit that peaked out your lips. You whine.

“Think I might go out and tell, I don’t wanna use some stretched cunt.” His twists and pulls at your clit.

“W-wait please don’t do that, please.” You cry, you were going to get in trouble with your boss if this mean man said those lies. Your boss always believed the words of so random men and he would take some of your check out. “I’ll do anything, please, don’t.”

“Nah m’gonna tell. After I’m done with this pussy though. Already paid for you, might as well get a feel,” he tells you, as he unzips his pants. “Now be quiet, holes don’t talk.” The man degrades you as he shoves his cock into you. You cry at the burn. The only thing helping is the other leftover cum he shoved in you.

“Fuck he was right; this pussy is too tight.” He grunts hands bruising your hips with how tight he’s gripping. You cry into the bench as he fu is you like he hates you. “Isn’t that crazy? This pussy gets used all damn day and yet it’s still this tight. What all the cocks you take too small or something’?” He slaps your ass.

“Oh fuck, m’gonna come in the sweet pussy. Gonna give you that creampie you aren’t allowed. Gonna fuck my come so deep into this pussy it’ll be dripping out of you for days.” His grip on your hips tightens, and you scream into the bench as he comes deep inside you. “Fuckin’ hell that was good, might have to come back tomorrow. Say, you let me come inside you tomorrow too I won’t tell your boss?”

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deadsetobsessions · 4 months

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Alley Drunk! Danny AU- Part 1

[Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4]

To not turn into a giant raging asshole hell bent on murdering people and destroying the world after everyone he loved died, Danny had ran from Amity with his chosen vice.

A bottle. That’s right. Even after Jazz’s talks about alcoholism as a poor coping mechanism as a form of self harm, he still chose alcohol. Or maybe that’s why he picked it, because it reminded him of her, right before the booze took the sting of grief off of her memory. He was never really all that good at listening to Jazz.

And now she’s gone, so it’s moot point. Danny really hated Nasty Burger.

Danny made it all the way to Gotham, bottle constantly glued to his hand. It’s better than Vlad’s creep-o-self looming over him all of the time. He bummed out on the streets, fitting into crime alley like a native. Danny learned to pickpocket. Not much, just enough for a bottle when his ran out. He stayed human. At first he tried to convince himself that it was because he didn’t want to be perceived as a meta in a city where Batman notoriously disliked metas. Then, as he sunk deeper, he admitted to himself in a shameful curl of a whisper that it was really because alcohol affected his human side much easier.

Ghosts need an ungodly amount of alcohol to even get slightly buzzed. Danny’s human side? Only one full bottle the shittiest tequila he could find could even hope to be more than buzzed. It sucked.

He’s spent two years being an alcoholic that didn’t actually get that drunk. Technically, underage drinking was a crime. But then again, so was being a vigilante ghost. So, whatever. He does what he can to dull the grief. Mostly, he slept on covered and hidden nooks on top of Crime Alley’s roofs. Gotham city had taken pity on him and cleared her smog clouds when he was awake at night. Stargazing helped, at least. It gave him a little hope. It gave him a little wish to change and better and live like he wants. But then the night ends and when the day comes, Jazz isn’t there. Sam isn’t there. Tucker isn’t there. His mom and dad are not there.

Danny always went back to the bottle, in the end. Not that it did much.

Which was why, when he saw three looming figures over a tiny child, Danny’s saving people thing flared with a vengeance and his surprised ectoplasm burned what little buzz he had achieved by downing most of the bottle away, leaving him stone cold sober and pissed.

Danny sighed, dumping the rest of the nasty tasting liquid out. There’s no point drinking that little.

He approached the trio, who were beating up an actual child. Ancients, he hated Crime Alley sometimes.

“Give me your shit, you little punk!” Asshole 1 decided to say like a typical mugger, raising his leg to kick the curled up kid below. Danny doesn’t let him land the kick, smashing the bottle on the asshole’s head before any of them clocked his presence. He pivots, pushing a bit of that extra strength he normally keeps on a tight leash into his hands, and punched the other two in a quick fashion, knocking them out.

With that taken care of, Danny turned back to the kid who was still curled up. Danny sighed again, the trembles in small shoulders plucking on his heartstrings.

“You okay, kid?”

The kid uncurls, and Danny stared. Holy shit, is he looking into a mirror? Blue eyes, black hair, and tanned skin. Holy shit, he’s even got similar jaws to Danny.

“Huh.”

The kid flinched.

“Y-y’er the drunk,” the kid flinched again, eyes darting to the broken bottle still clenched in Danny’s hand. “I- I ain’t got money, honest. Please-”

Danny blinked down at the kid, brain connecting the dots after so long without actual interaction. He’s panicking and staring at the bottle in Danny’s hand like it’ll kill him. Danny raised the bottle and the kid closed his mouth with a click, terror worming its way into the kid’s eyes.

“I wasn’t going to mug you myself, kid.”

“But- y’er the- the Alley drunk.”

Danny blinked. Did he get a reputation without knowing again? Goddammit.

“I guess. Am I famous or somethin’?”

“Nobody- nobody fucks wit’ ya.”

“I also don’t hurt kids.”

“…”

The kid stared at him dubiously and with a sinking feeling, Danny realized that maybe the kid already had some terrible experiences with a heavy drunken hand. He promptly chucks the bottle further into the alley.

“I drink, yes. But I’m also not the kind of scum that would lay hands on a kid, let alone anyone that didn’t provoke it first.”

“Oh.” The kid uncurled more, looking at Danny warily, more at ease now that the bottle has left the chat.

“Yeah. I’m Danny. Stone cold sober, right now.”

“…”

Danny waited.

“Peters.”

“Okay. Peters, do you wanna take their shit?” Danny pointed a thumb at the knocked out would-be-muggers behind him.

“Y… yeah, sure. What’s my cut?”

“All of it.”

Peters stared.

Danny shrugged and started looting.

"Y'er so fuckin' weird."

----

See, the thing is, Danny hadn't anticipated saving Peters- "'s actually Jason"- would result in having a duckling following him around. The kid, Jason, glared at everyone who even looked at them wrong. But that's not the problem, because Danny could take anyone who took issue with Jason's looks, it's more like there's a child following him around now and Danny doesn't want to be the reason Jason turns into an alcoholic. It's- well, it made him cut down on the drinking. He even got jobs- legitimate jobs that sucks out his his poor ectoplasmic soul.

Why? Because Jason's apparently homeless. While that's something Danny's okay with for himself, he can't ever condone that for an actual child. Jason's walking around in threadbare clothes and thin soled shoes in the middle of Fall, for Ancient's sake.

Danny grumbles as he piled a bunch of clothes into the shopping bag as he checked out. Gotham's Walmart is a different kind of hell, but Danny feels right at home.

Sure, the work might suck out his soul and he might hate being sober, but Jason's face every time he comes home to an actual place to live, warm clothes, and food was worth everything.

#danny phantom #dc x dp #DCxDP #dpxdc #jason todd #batman #crime alley #Danny: im gonna be an alcoholic #also Danny: a child needs help and I don’t drink anymore #Danny phantom’s saving people thing #drunk danny #alcoholic danny #but not for long #danny adopts jason todd #jason todd follows his big brother into being a vigilante #kind of #he becomes robin #but gets rescued by his long suffering brother every once and a while #alley drunk! Danny AU

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inkskinned · 7 months

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love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

#writeblr #warm up #ps edited so it is more clear where “half” of men is coming from:#15% literally don't even touch water #an ADDITIONAL 35% ''wash'' by just running their hands under water WITHOUT SOAP #15+35 =50%#like that is not washing ur hands. go back and use soap #btw the numbers for women are 4% never washing and 15% ''just water''#which is still gross but like. sooo much better yikes #ps i know we're all gay on this site but watching ppl ''correct'' my math on this has been wild #i have a learning disability im genuinely bad at math so i check EVERY time someone corrects me #but no they're just confidently wrong.....#182 hours is a week babes. 182/24 (number of hours in a day) is ~7.6 #that's where i got that number from. also from rent we know there's 168 hours in a week.#ALSO btw if u read this and ur response is ''men are also struggling rn tho'' like babe you missed the point of it tho #this doesn't even make fun of men it's legit just pointing out that bigotry against women isn't founded #in anything men actually CARE about . like they don't actually CARE about ''being clean'' when they make fun of armpit hair #or they would be WASHING THEIR HANDS.#men pretend to be rollin' in cash and Apex Predators and instead they are trained to be lazy and unwilling to act in emergencies #i have never and will never make fun of men for asking for more support on important topics like DV and mental health.#this is so clearly not about men; it's about how common just being plainly misogynistic has become.#like they don't try to hide it anymore.

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weirdmageddon · 8 months

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i love these tags this person is so right

actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?

i wanna get into this actually

(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)

even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie

but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"

im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,

don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity

dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor

(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)

despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him

rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said

and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol

roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"

side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.

i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect

but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?

yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise

so, dave's environment

the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors

his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)

roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok

what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)

rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:

and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear

but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable

there two types of ironies at play here:

seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)

doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)

you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.

"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"

how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1

he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”

dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.

*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift

dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:

if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.

basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"

speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use

oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”

btw dave lalonde would look like this to me

#homestuck #homestuck meta #dave strider #mom lalonde #roxy lalonde #hs #strilonde guardian swap

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