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literalgrill · 4 months

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Do NOT Support Hard Drive On Patreon

You might see friends today suggesting you support Hard Drive on Patreon today. You know, the funny video games version of The Onion? As a journalist, I will firmly tell you DO NOT GIVE THEM A DIME.

The CEO has pushed out all former staff that have built the site up to its current greatness and has been pushing the use of AI. The staff begged to have a Patreon before basically all being pushed out, but the idea was refused until now, when it will only line the pockets of a single person instead of hard working writers.

I know they might have provided laughs before, but Hard Drive is a shell of what it was once. Let it die and support the people who actually made those moments of joy possible. Don't believe me? Check out what former employees are saying below:

Kevin Podas: Okay you know what, I would feel bad saying nothing about this, so here goes:🚨SAVE YOUR MONEY🚨

We passionately advocated for a Patreon at Hard Drive & were aggressively shot down. The talent & people who built the site were pushed out. To see this now is beyond upsetting. For the past few years or so I put a lot of myself into this website. I pitched a ton of jokes, got over 120 articles published, & met a lot of great people. I'm sure if you've been following me for some time you could easily see this.

However, there is a lot of misinformation. I was eventually promoted to Managing Editor of the site & was ecstatic. Grateful for the opportunity. Felt like all of my hard work in the comedy mines was finally paying off. But things took a turn for the worst, & each day there were new surprises that affected our livelihoods. These were all very avoidable surprises, mind you.

A patreon was going to be our hail mary, but alas, for some reason, the power that be did not want it. Causing us to leave a dream job behind. "At least we did all we could," we consoled ourselves afterwards. I put a lot of myself into this project. I pitched all sorts of ideas that could have helped-- we all did. Merch collaborations, Patreon-integrated YouTube content, so much more. And most of them were shot down out of sheer stubbornness and nothing more. To see lie after lie spread, and multiple big publications and YouTubers that I am a fan of promote this Patreon under these pretenses is incredibly upsetting. There are so many receipts.

Please share this and consider pulling out if you've already put money into this. On Hard Drive using AI, also from Kevin Podas: I can't personally confirm that part aside from some of the recent header images for articles on both Hard Drive and Hard Times are being made with AI. As far as writing, it's been mentioned in the past, but I personally do not know. Maybe others do, maybe not. MORE From Kevin Podas suggesting the owner denying a Patreon being set up earlier cost an artist a job that was replaced by AI: We had a social media person who was awesome! He made the images until this AI implementation. He had to leave because ad revenue was low and a Patreon was aggressively refused.

Luca Fisher: at the risk of burning some bridges, i have to back up kevin here. i've only been part-time, in-and-out of hard drive since i got in last year, but i can corroborate that management doubled and tripled down about not hosting a patreon/crowdfunding and that many other suggestions and ideas, including mine (and ones much smarter than mine!), were shot down in really long, apocalyptic threads of everyone left on deck desperately trying to come up with ways to keep the lights on. managerially it has been messy and sad

i've written for multiple publications that have long since died, ones that were in the process of dying, and ones that, in this case, are soon to be put in the ground. it is sad and sucks every time. i don't know what could have been done differently, but i do know that a lot of great writers and content creators were left shorthanded and unhappy by the way things have gone. and it is sort of puzzling to see the sudden championing of patreon after we were all told plenty of times that it couldn't work and we should move on also, just to add my own personal two cents here, i was really disappointed by the shuttering of many different article sections on the site over the past 6-8 months. i understand cutting corners in a deficit, and i know it had to be done. that said…

all in all, i'm really sad to see this all happen. i don't fault anyone, if only because i don't really know enough about how this all can happen to make sense of it. games journalism is in a sad, sorry state, and will likely no longer be a thing in the next decade

VideoSealMan: I'm gonna say this because I think I deserve to. For months, MONTHS on end I was bugging Hard Drive management about a Patreon. Often I got ignored for a week+, but when I actually got a response I was encouraged to - of all things, write up a Google Doc pitching the concept I did it regardless. I wasn't the only one trying to sway management on a Patreon, but so fiercely was I fighting for it that last night, I was accused of making this comment directly by the CEO! With no evidence whatsoever! After I'd been gone for over a month.

I vouched so hard for Patreon because I wanted all the writers and creatives working with Hard Drive including myself to get paid better. When I actually got a response, the idea was often shut down. Eventually due to the state of my company, my pay was cut for a second time I confronted management alongside a couple other important figureheads at the org and told them that if we couldn't do a Patreon - I could no longer financially justify staying there. The answer was still no, so I left. Baffled at the decision, but whatever.

It is unendingly frustrating to know that myself and many other people who put their soul into Hard Drive LEFT because of management's absolute refusal to compromise on a Patreon, to then see them launch one anyway a month later and get over 1000 people pledging money. I'm seeing a lot of things float around about greed and people being fired. No one was fired. Everyone who left, left because they were sick of management's decision-making. And honestly, management is a lot of things but I would not call them greedy. (From my experience.) They did genuinely make an effort to pay people as much as possible. I found the pay very fair for a while. I am not disputing that I was paid what I was owed - yet management frequently feels the need to remind critics of that. Lmao, yes. I was paid what I was owed. No one is disputing payment. You did the bare minimum a business owner should do and paid everyone their due, very well done. I make no allegations of greed, cheating or foul play. I make allegations of poor management and incompetence that has fucked over other people.

Basically the only people left at Hard Drive have been there for about 2 months. They will reap the rewards of this successful Patreon I and so many others passionately fought for for so long. We will not see a dime.

I do not know the new people at Hard Drive, But I feel bad for them. They were haphazardly thrust into Hard Drive's workplace with little to no explanation on how anything works, or given any context on the state of the place. Even now managements feeds them half-truths and misinformation about other people's grievances. I am broke and have been for a while. I had to move out of my flat in Reading and back with my family because of how little money I was making. This has basically doomed my flatmate to moving back in with abusive parents, which is something I feel guilty about every day. If we had gone with the Patreon I worked myself hoarse over back then, this could have been avoided. Some of my other good pals could also not have been fucked over.

It was a bad judgment call, but it's not a crime. It's just management getting it wrong.

So should you give to the Hard Drive Patreon? I don't know! I don't think any of the new people working there to patch up the holes left by the recent mass exodus have any bad intentions. Maybe they deserve it! But it is not the same site you knew a year ago, or even a month ago. Myself and many people who were there far longer than me and did far more for it than I did are all gone now because we could not deal with management's terrible decision-making and dogass communication any longer. That's what you should know, imo

I had an agreement in place with management that I would receive the next 8 months of revenue from the Hard Drive YT channel from my leaving in November. This was a deal I appreciated, and thought was very fair on management's behalf. So far, the deal has been honoured for 2 months. However as of last night I was removed from the Hard Drive Slack without warning, and as an editor for the YouTube channel. This means I no longer have any way of verifying how much I am owed, I just have to take their word for it. I'm sure management will make their own statements full of half-truths and weird language on the many cases being brought against them - I'd take everything they say with a pinch of salt if some of the screenshots I've seen of them talking about me are any indication lol

To management; I do not want to talk to you. I want you to DM me a screenshot of how much I'm owed every month and then send me the money per our agreement until June, then we can go our separate ways. Do that and admit to your mistakes, and maybe you can recover your reputation! That's it from me, lol. If they pull out of the deal and fuck me over I'll have more to say, but most of what I know is other people's stories of incompetence and poor decision-making, lol. I genuinely get no pleasure out of doing this; I do not think management is evil - I just think they're really bad at what they do and it's cost other, more talented people, lol. You should believe the writers imo

One last thing I wanna say btw, management did often stress that no one should try to make Hard Drive a full time thing. They were transparent about that, and that is fair. I was working on it because at a few points, I was lead to believe we actually were doing a Patreon. Many other ppl have similar stories of being strung along by management changing their minds and stop-starting shit every 2 weeks. We all made the fatal mistake of overestimating our manager - who would tell you one thing one day and something totally opposite the next week lol

Hunter R. Thompson:

I'm not your dad, but speaking as a Hard Drive writer, I don't know that funding Hard Drive on Patreon is worth it

The driving talent on the back end—behind the kickass site I joined in 2019—have peaced out over the years as the site's been (in our view) increasingly mismanaged. Mismanagement like, not setting up crowdfunding before the ship sank and all its best crew failed; or publishing a screenshot of Andy Ngo pedojacketing a trans writer, complete with her deadname; or a disgruntled ex-writer getting falsely accused of shit-talk, by actual staff. I'm grateful for the writing I've gotten to produce for HD (and will forever be kicking myself for not writing even more, in the four years I've had to do it!! i'm a dumbass!!!) but it is very much no longer the site I signed up for.

I don't want to resign as a contributor altogether, because I'm open to the idea of the site recovering and bad practices being retired as finances level out-- it would just be dishonest for potential backers to not be Aware Of The Circumstances, I think.

Jeremy Kaplowitz: i truly don't want to start shit, but feel compelled to say: i want to see Hard Drive succeed w/o resorting to throwing former writers & editors, myself included, under the bus. surely there's a way to save the site without building it over the corpses of those who left. my $0.02 i don't blame anyone who wants to sign up for the HD patreon and i support the website, but that includes those who worked on it for years, have complaints, and don't deserve to be treated like bitter assholes like this kind of stuff is just objectively true, meanwhile there's these new writers who joined the site after i left (meaning, in the last ~3 months) claiming people are liars. decide for yourself if you care, but this is what happened! [Quotes this Tweet]

Seth Finkelstein: Writing for Hard Drive has been a privilege the past few years, and it makes me so angry to see people I looked up to get jerked around behind the scenes. The amount of grenades the editors jumped on our behalf is immense, and I don't think the way they're being treated is right.

Other Bits On AI: We do know for sure however that AI art has been used by the site. Its fucking owner confirms it here:https://twitter.com/MattSaincome/status/1743040541603123622. Seems the owner pushed AI written articles as well! TayFabe: My vaguetweet is making the rounds & these made me apoplectic. - owner regularly lobbied using ai. Once he tested it & said ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. - ai images were used on the site & socials w/o consulting the team or disclosing it publicly I found the ai bit relevant to include bc 1) it illuminates a stark change in HD's current direction & leadership, 2) ai images have previously been used on the site and (since deleted) ig posts, 3) ai content fucking sucks, and repeatedly pushing to use it is a telling quality The "handful of writers who chose to leave" includes 2 editors-in-chief (both cofounders who wrote a combined total of >1,000 articles & defined the voice of HD), & at least 3 other editors. These guys put in WORK since 2017, so cool to be corrected by ppl who joined in Nov 2023 [Link to mentioned vague tweet from post.] More from TayFabe: owner continuously lobbied for using ai in every possible way. No one else wanted to do it, but he kept on, saying ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. Also, ai images were used on the site & socials without public disclosure or consulting the team.

The owner has responded now multiple times in a private discord... Thank you for people sharing screenshots! First Screenshot:

Kevin's Response: He banned me from the server for speaking out, so no, I didn't see it. And he gave no indication of a timeline, it was just "we'll do one when *I* say so" and gave every inclination he was totally against it. It bred an environment that pushed our hands to have to leave. Screenshot Round Two:

Kevin's Response: "Starting one in 3 months" is an absolute lie. He denied it, I have screenshots and others who can confirm. No timeline was given. Just "this is what it is now" and like, I couldn't live off of that. I wanted to do more but he was allergic to good ideas from others around him.

Matt, owner of Hard Drive, responds publicly on Twitter.

Matt: Kevin, the patreon launch was delayed because I didn't think it would work. Everyone is happy that it did work. Everyone who left the site because we didn't have money to pay for creative content which didn't revenue is welcome to return home. But unclear why the hostility.

Hard Drive paid out literally every dollar it had, then a bunch more, to creative people who worked on the site. When we ran out of money, we couldn't pay anymore. We did our best.

Kevin: Right, and my point of this thread was that it was completely and totally avoidable. This is reasonable to be upset about. How could I have been any more clear?

Matt: If we knew with 100% certainly that the community would have supported us via patreon, we would have done that. We didn't know. We had tried 4 years ago and got no support. We were wrong this time. We did our best to figure it out. We paid all the money we could.

Kevin: So you knew with 100% certainty this time? Or you took a leap of faith?

Matt: It was a last gasp panic effort after ad rates got cut in half on january 1st due to seasonal spending changes. We didn't know it would work. We were embarrassed to ask for support. We wanted to figure it out.

Kevin: Every site has a Patreon. Every YouTuber, comedy group, etc. But you insisted that nobody cared about Hard Drive. Which is wildly untrue. I know you see that now, but again, I think you can see why I and many others are pretty upset. A last ditch panic effort was long overdue. A couple more things from Matt:

It was about the size of the hole we needed plugged budget wise, the time I had left of personal resources, and the past data I had about us trying a patreon (which turned out to be a bad indicator). I didn't think the Patreon would help us fast enough. I made a bad estimation

aka "if we make $1000 more dollars a month via patreon, which would be 10x what we got last time, we will not solve any of our problems. If instead we try to plow down path B, we might make it out in time." That was the thinking. I chose the wrong path, but didn't mean to Kevin also retweeted this comment from the user Matt was responding to: So you're saying that you're bad at running the business, didn't listen to any of your employees until after they were forced to leave their jobs, and now you're going to get more of the money from the Patreon that was their idea in the first place? Matt's Response: Respectfully, I made a mistake delaying the patreon decision. But keeping a comedy site alive for 9 years is not easy, there are lots of potential ideas, and think overall we've done a good and honorable job. Will leave this thread in peace now to allow people their space.

Sorry for linking to Elon's hellsite (derogatory), but sources need links so...

#video games #patreon #hard drive #ai critical

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whyse7vn · 9 months

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SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

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scriptorsapiens · 7 months

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Classicstober Day 3: Asterion (𐀀𐀮𐀳𐀪𐀃)

To those who don't know (or didn't play Supergiant's Hades) the Minotaur was born with a name: Asterion. There's a lot that I take away from the name, it's history, and it's implications, but I think the shortest version is "the worst monsters are the ones we make ourselves," so for him I wanted to show a tender moment between Asterion and his mother, the nymph Pasiphaë.

My rant about the Minotaur and my design thought process is under the cut.

Asterion was not a name pulled out of nowhere. It was the name of Minos' adopted father, the man who raised him and his brothers. Pasiphaë choosing to name him that implies that either A) Pasiphaë had a really cruel sense of naming conventions, which is not unlikely given her character or B) the baby Asterion was just that; a baby. Not really a monster, not yet, just a strange child who would be ruined by his adopted father. Seeing Classical art of Pasiphaë affectionately holding a baby Asterion (which partially inspired this piece) seems to support the latter, and given Minos' characterization it makes sense that he would see more value in a monster than another son.

Something that lots of retellings leave out is the presence of nymphs and gods in these stories. Pasiphaë (𐀞𐀯𐀞𐀁) was no mortal queen, she was the daughter of the sea-nymph Perse and The Sun (Helios), as well as a powerful sorceress. To reflect her divinity I always draw Pasiphaë as a glowing, terrifying white entity with inborn red accents (that latter trait being inspired by a line from Madeline Miller's Circe).

Her clothes are mostly based on a Minoan style (ask me about my thoughts on Minos and Minoan appearances) but instead of a tailored tunic Pasiphaë wears a bit of a call-forward to a chiton. This also allows her to bare her breasts, as IMHO most goddesses keep it all out, especially such a wild, nature based child of the Sun and the Sea. The colors are very rich to show how wealthy Minos is. I know the ancient Greeks equated the sun to silver more than to gold, but I wanted Pasiphaë to wear some bright yellow-gold as her primary palette.

Modern habit die hard, I guess.

#classicstober #classicstober23 #pasiphae #pasiphaë #asterion #minotaur #ancient greek mythology #greek mythology #mycenaean #linear b

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lizzychanstuffss · 8 months

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Omg maybe Astarion somehow being able to see a reality where he ascended and the dark urge ruled with him

his reaction could be good or bad 🧐 maybe both

BARK BARK BARK you are my first dark urge request so I am excited to write this! Also since I enjoy the idea of some angst with this I am going to say this takes place post-game with a good durge and spawn Astarion :3

Astarion x Redeemed!durge!Tav GN

Spoilers for the entire game. Also, forgive me if the details aren't perfect, I am fairly aware of what happens but for my own sanity I haven't actually seen these endings XD

Requests are still open!

You couldn't sleep, no particular reason this time either, just no matter what you did, tiredness would not take you. Honestly, you considered just taking a walk and seeing if it would tire you out although you didn't want to leave Astarion alone without telling him where you were going. It was something you realized he preferred once you started living together after everything that's happened. It was cute.

So instead of taking a walk you just stared out the window from your shared bedroom of the house you had made your own. The sun was starting to rise already which means that your 'night' was just starting. Converting to a nocturnal schedule was something Astarion actually refused to let you do at first, but considering that if you didn't you would basically never spend any time together he eventually relented. Oddly enough it wasn't a hard switch either you actually preferred to be awake at night then the day. You figured this might have been an old habit from your past life.

Astarion had decided to turn in early for the night, the both of you had a rowdy night of mischief-making and partying and well people congratulating you for saving the entire city basically. It was frankly exhausting and you couldn't blame the vampire for needing an early night. He had been in a trance for a while at this point but when you turned to check on him you noticed his brow was furrowed.

It was such a small thing that almost anyone would miss it but not you, you had a keen eye for the microexpressions his face made when he was having complicated emotions. You didn't always understand what they meant or what was going on in his head but you knew something was off with the man. So you crawled back into bed and debated for a moment about waking him up but decided unless he seemed to be in a panic it was best not to wake him. So instead you just put a gentle hand on his arm and then one in his hair stroking it gently.

After a bit of that he seemed to relax again. Before you noticed his eyes half open gazing at you.

"Oh did I wake you?" you asked him.

"No...well yes but don't apologize....I'm glad you did" turning to face you better he gently took the hand that had been on his shoulder and placed it on his face. The gesture surprised you a little. It's not something you had thought he would do.

"Is something wrong, love?" words sincere, he doesn't speak, at least not until he gathers his thoughts a bit.

"I had a dream, no it was more like a vision." he starts "It was about us...but it wasn't 'us' if that makes sense?" he asked, staring at you with one of his classic wet and pathetic cat looks he was prone to making in moments of vulnerability.

"I think I understand like you saw a version of us from another reality?" He nodded in response to your attempt at describing what he saw. "And what was different about this version of us?"

"Well, I'm not sure what entirely to make of it...it was almost like we were the worst versions of ourselves....we seemed happy but also miserable..." His voice trailed off a bit but he continued speaking before you could say anything in response "You had claimed the Crown for Bhaal, but I was ruling by your side...and I think I went through with the ritual" he seemed confused and shocked by own words but also terrified.

"O-oh" was the only thing you could say in response. Suddenly his want for comfort made utter sense and you couldn't help but comply running your thumb across his cheek. He melted into the touch relaxing a bit more.

The two of you stayed like that more a while. The information was quite a shock to both of your systems, but the both of you were thinking about it just unsure of what to say about such a thing. Then you finally spoke up.

"What did you think of this version of us?"

He sat with your question for a bit.

"I'm...I'm not sure....I know I didn't like it, it felt wrong" He sighs, "What do you think about this version of us?" flipping your own question back on yourself, you take a moment to think about how to answer before speaking.

"Considering that Bhaal wanted me to take the crown for himself and rule the world I can assume he...owned me" as hard as it was to admit you fully knew what taking that crown for yourself meant as it would have never been something you choose on your own. "You said you had ascended in the vision as well?"

He nodded "It was awful, it was as though I was looking as someone possessing my body, there was no ‘me’ anymore just a husk of who I thought I was supposed to be..." tearing up a bit "I was exactly like Cazador" he choked out the words sounding disgusted with himself.

"Hey look at me, that's not you though, that's not either of us" you pressed your forehead to his.

"And it never will be, I won't let it be"

His arms wrapped around you pulling you into him, as he nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck finding comfort in it as you held him. A hand coming up to gently play with the curls in his hair as he lets himself calm down in your embrace, although you also felt his hand stroke up and down your back in a soothing motion you weren't sure if it was for you or for himself but it was a nice gesture either way.

The two of you stayed like that for a while.

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion romance #dark urge #astarion fanfic #astarion x dark urge #astarion x reader #astarionfics #my writing

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ouatpancakes · 2 years

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Ok let’s talk about how the divorce trio corresponds to the calamity trio.

It seems like Andrias is wit, Leif is heart, and Barrel is strength, but the colors are off. So I thought about it and I think the colors correspond with their role in the group and their character. And then there’s mother olms comment on “the worst version of ourselves”. The divorce trio is the worst version of what our girls could have become.

In this episode the parallels between Anne and Andrias were explored. They both take the easy way out and follow others because they don’t have faith in themselves. Andrias is what could have happened to Anne if she hadn’t learned to love and apply herself: he is someone who ignores his own feelings, doesn’t care about right and wrong, allows himself to be manipulated and controlled, and doesn’t express his true self.

Sasha and Leif are the betrayers. Sasha was the first to betray Anne and Leif betrayed Andrias. Sasha had been manipulating Anne and Marcy their whole friendship. From Andrias’ perspective, Leif manipulated and lied to him. We know that Leif did was she did because it was right, but Andrias and Barrel saw it as her destroying the relationship. Leif was forced to run away and never see her friends again. That’s what could have happened to Sasha if she didn’t improve herself: she would have lost Anne and Marcy.

Marcy and Barrel are the mediators of the group. They aren’t the decision makers, they’re followers, and they seem to spend a lot of time stuck in the middle of the conflict between the other two group members. In the end, Barrel’s choice paralysis of not knowing who to follow is what led to him being alone. He could have left with Leif or stayed by Andrias’ side, but since he was caught in the middle he ended up with neither. We don’t know exactly what happened to him afterwards, but hopefully he found his own voice. Marcy is not going to be happy in this relationship if she doesn’t stand up for herself. She’s on a path to expressing her own self and taking an active role instead of following Sasha and Anne, getting caught in between them, and losing herself to the shadows.

#amphibia spoilers #amphibia #all in #all in spoilers #marcy wu #sasha waybright #anne boonchuy #sashanarcy #king andrias #amphibia barrel #amphibia leif #leif plantar #barrel

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kittiecode · 1 month

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Are you even ready for your manifestations to come?

Let me explain..

We all have a version of ourselves in our heads that we assume we'd automatically become as soon as our manifestations come to fruition for us in our reality, but what we fail to remember is that we are the only ones in control of our personal actions and behaviors. Your manifestation arriving for you isn't going to forcefully wake you up at a good time in the morning, force you to get up and do your skincare routine, to take care of your oral hygiene, get you to do your workout routine etc

One of the worst things is being caught off guard.. Your manifestation is finally here, maybe it was an SP. He asked you out on a date.. for tomorrow morning.

Oh but your nails aren't done! Your hair is the most brittle and dry it's ever been! Your entire body is in need of an exfoliation! You always imagined yourself being fitter, more toned, with healthier hair, clearer skin, being perfectly groomed at all times whenever you imagined being in a relationship, especially with your SP.

Your manifestation has presented itself for you to experience, and you're a second away from damn near rejecting it because you're not who you wanted to be when you imagined receiving it.

You've sat in your room with oily hair, chipped nails, grown out pedicures, the same pajamas from 2 days ago and all the effort and energy has gone to getting a guy to want you. Now he does, and you're not ready for it.

Take your mind off of your manifestation and give it time to solidify in your reality while you start moulding yourself into who you know you want to be. It'll take the pressure off of you and remove a ton of the anxiety you're probably experiencing as you impatiently wait for your manifestations.

In the meantime, get yourself to where you know you want to be. Get used to regular maintenance routines. You're not forgetting about your manifestation by taking your focus off of it, you're actually welcoming it in even more by reducing the amount of resistance you may feel towards it because you subconsciously know you would be too insecure to accept it if it came.

You're prepping yourself which is helping you to prep your entire being for what you want to experience.

Don't let the experiences of your dreams pass you by. Dream girls get their dream worlds. You're just as important as your manifestations

#law of assumption #manifestation #self help #self care #dream girl #it girl #it girl energy #kittiecode #mine #advice #manifestating advice #life coaching

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thagomizersshow · 10 months

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Content warning: blood, gore, sexual content, sexual assault, parasites and body horror

This is a heavily modified version of an essay I originally wrote for a literary theory class and then turned into a script for a video essay that I never finished.

Enjoy :)

One of the things that really bothers me about the critical conversation around Alien (1979) is the long-running idea that the alien and its various forms are so enduringly horrifying because they break the sexual/gender binary.

The worst example I can find is this excerpt, from Alien Woman: The Making of Lt. Ripley, by Ximena Gallardo and C. & C. Jason Smith:

The Alien species disregards the sexual difference that is so essential to our definition of what it is to be human. The male body is repositioned to correspond to the female body: the male mouth becomes the vagina, the chest the womb. The dichotomy male/female is broken down, as all humanity is female (a womb) in the face of the alien.

I get that this was published in 2004, but Gender Trouble had already been around for over a decade, so that’s not much of an excuse for weird ass gender essentialism in academia.

Art by AlexanDraxleean ↑

The idea that the xenomorph and its various stages are scary because the gender binary is being broken down is comically disregarded by the simple fact that trans people (like myself) ALSO find the damn thing scary. We are living embodiments of a shattered binary, but we aren’t shitting ourselves over our own existence (usually). I contend that the alien is scary not because of a violation of gender or sexual norms, but because it utilizes a much more widespread and visceral kind of horror: that of the parasite.

Most other animalistic horror monsters rely on the fear of the predator: monster wanna eat you → you run away → get caught → get eated. This is an oversimplification, obviously, and if you want a really good exploration of how the fear of predators effects us, read Val Plumwood’s Eye of the Crocodile. For real, my fav ecophilosophy book.

No, instead of the more straightforward horror presented by the predator, the alien uses the inescapable, cloying, and violating horror of parasites and parasitoids. Where the predator hunts, kills and eats, the parasite clings, defiles and tortures. When the predator catches you, you’re dead. When the parasite catches you, you don’t know what is going to happen. Is it going to bury inside you? Is it going to feed on your body? Is it going to lay eggs in you? You literally don’t know, and that’s what makes them so scary. Hell, they could get inside you without you even knowing. It isn’t just the fear of death, it’s the paranoia of violation AND the fear of the unknown. This makes Alien akin to a Lovecraftian horror in many ways, but instead of the fear of race-mixing or disabled people, it is the fear that whatever you do, wherever you go, there are beings that can enter your body and use it against your will.

Hell, the whole premise of the movie, at least according to the screenwriter, came from the thought “what if ichneumon wasps laid eggs in us instead of in worms?” That basic idea is glossed over constantly in analysis of Alien in favour of more Freudian explanations that rely heavily on antiquated notions of gender essentialism. When early screening audiences were throwing up in their seats in 1979, were they thinking about how “this monster really transgresses gender norms :/” or were they thinking “fuck what if that thing was growing inside me?!?!”

The only time I agree with these old school interpretations is when they view Alien through the lens of sexual assault. The fear of sexual assault and the fear of parasites are fucked up sisters in a way. They are both fears of bodily violation that induce a strong paranoia, and their symbologies easily feed off one another. Sexual imagery (e.g. a penis shaped head with a mouth on the end) combined with parasitic imagery (e.g. a creature grabbing a hold of you and doing unknown things to your body) are both niggling at the part of your brain that is repulsed by internal invasion.

However, I’ve seen arguments that Alien specifically targets fears for cis men being sexually assaulted, and I think that’s a very limited approach to the movie. The idea of a creature latching onto you, ignoring your autonomy, and using you as an incubator is pretty universally scary if you ask me, and I think for most people, that idea connects to a primal and often unaddressed fear of parasites far more than sexual violation. Just look at videos of botfly maggot removals and tell me you don’t get the same yucky feeling as when you watch Alien.

Even for people like me who find these creatures fascinating, I still get that skin crawly feeling when I look at images of them for too long. And it isn’t just a short-lived disgust reaction happening, it’s also that feeling of paranoia that it could be happening to you right this minute. This is all a part of what is called the behavioural immune system, which is the brain’s first line of defense against infection and why most people are grossed out by signs of disease on the body (pus, rashes, body odours, etc.).

We really don’t like thinking about parasites, and it shows across our culture. Deadly predators of all kinds have been worshiped all over the world, but is there anyone in history who paid fealty to the tick? Who invoked the name of the roundworm for strength? Are there cartoons about anthropomorphic scabies and their kingdom of flesh? (If any of these exist and I just don’t know it, please tell me.)

I’m not saying that this is an innate feeling in all of us (the human experience is about as diverse as it gets, and I’m sure some people just don’t have this reaction and never have) but I do think it’s widespread enough and so infrequently felt that when this parasite repulsion is triggered it makes for a horror that is far harder to shake than any socialized fear of gender violation. Far more than any Freudian psychosexual imagery, the horror of the parasite is what I believe has made the xenomorph such an enduring cinematic monster.

I wanna leave this post off with one of my favourite quotes about parasites from Annie Dilliard’s book, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek:

It is the thorn in the flesh of the world, another sign, if any be needed, that the world is actual and fringed, pierced here and there, and through and through, with the toothed conditions of time and the mysterious, coiled spring of death.

#crit tag #movies #alien

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jetkast · 1 year

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I have had mxtx content so deeply embedded in my thoughts, the brainrot is so fierce. I love the narratives in her books, these themes that I haven't ever felt in a story before. Just some rambling about them that's bubbled up over the last few months:

SVSSS: even with a sense of authority on where the story will go, changes both small and large can surprise or underwhelm you. there are always stories hidden behind characters and characters lost to hidden stories. the narrative we tell about ourselves affects everything about how we interpret the meaning of what we experience. often we are blind to the meanings we emphasize or suppress, confident in the authority of a narrative we insist is true, cohesive, consistent, or normative.

MDZS: everyone has their own version of events, often not in service to truth or justice, but power and image. yes, where you come from and what you endure can be limiting or enabling. yes, it can explain why you do what you do. yes, you still always, always have a choice to do what is right. only you can decide what that is. in some cases, everyone will have an opinion. in others, no one will know or care. you choose whether that influence what you do. it is never too late, it is never over, and every choice is a new opportunity. you can't change choices made in the past, but you can learn from them to inform your choices in the future and influence the options available to those who follow.

TGCF: sometimes you can change the story with brute strength and charisma, sometimes all you can do is endure and regulate your own response to it. you can reinvent yourself over and over, run from your past selves, suppress the parts of you that are shamed, but you will always be with you and only you. all that happens, within and around, bad and good, your actions or others', makes you you. the greatest and worst versions of yourself were all required to make this you -- it's not the state of you that matters, but the essence of you. integrate, rebuild, evolve, rebirth, morph, refine, transform, regress -- the story always progresses and characters always develop, the only story that defines you is the one you iterate.

And for all of them... sometimes, the happy ending isn't sweeping change in the world, awe inspiring redemption, or cathartic revenge. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to have a simple life with the ones you love, staying authentic to your values and desires, and understanding the revolution that is inherent to thriving in the body you live in, all its scars and memories included. You can never control the story of the world, no matter your knowledge, skills, or abilities, nor should you try. Horrid experiences and events can't be eradicated, but neither can beauty, awe, and grace. Unfortunately, these are not often equitably distributed. Fortunately, we can never know which will be in the next moment, which will be the last, if there will be better or worse than we have already felt. Such is living.

#mdzs #tgcf #svsss #mxtx #ramblings #the untamed #heaven official's blessing #mo dao zu shi #hualian #wangxian #bingqui #by all this i mean go out there and be gay as hell living your best life

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homochadensistm · 3 months

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"Denying aid to Gaza would be wrong even if the entire population was Hamas. We, as Jews, can't refuse to help people in need because we don't like them. We can't do that even if they hate us." This is probably the worst take I have ever heard. What happened to "הַבָּא לַהֲרָגְךָ הַשְׁכֵּם לְהָרְגוֹ"? What happened to וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר יְהֹוָ֖ה אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֥ה לֵּאמֹֽר׃ צָר֖וֹר אֶת־הַמִּדְיָנִ֑ים וְהִכִּיתֶ֖ם אוֹתָֽם׃ כִּ֣י צֹרְﬞרִ֥ים הֵם֙ לָכֶ֔ם בְּנִכְלֵיהֶ֛ם אֲשֶׁר־נִכְּל֥וּ לָכֶ֖ם, which is a quote from G-d HIMSELF? Why is it that Jews, and ONLY Jews, HAVE to let everyone kill them, and if we do anything about it, suddenly it's unacceptable? Why is all life good and holy and worth saving at any cost, except the life of Jewish people? And Muslim people who just happened to live in Israel? and Bedouin people who just happened to live in Israel? And Christians who just happened to live in Israel? And people from abroad, who came here to work and send back money to their families, simply because the wages are worse in their home countries? Why are these lives not worth defending? Why are all these people expected to die, just because someone's interpretation of Judaism forgot that we are, in fact, allowed to defend ourselves from those who have promised us harm?

They're not learning that in their weird uwuified version of Judaism.

They're not against israel defending itself, they're against accepting the fact that every form of murder is in fact, murder, and that one way of dying isn't more morally righteous than another. Such is the price of checking out of reality in favor of fantasy.

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antianakin · 2 months

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In response to your previous post, why do you think people still love Anakin despite all the selfish and violent things he has done?

Just for archival sake, this is the post I assume you're responding to.

I love when you guys force me to drop the bitter old hag act and be more legitimately analytical about characters I dislike lol.

The somewhat less analytical response to this post is that people like him due to protagonist bias, Hayden Christensen being considered attractive, and Darth Vader having a lot of nostalgia from the OT.

However, while I think those things are always a major aspect in why people like the character, the more analytical version is that Anakin is a character created to be relatable. He's got flaws that most of us can look at and recognize in ourselves and even though he does become a monster because of them, he is also capable of saving himself in the end and doing something heroic despite that, he is allowed to get better and stand next to confirmed good guys like Yoda and Obi-Wan as what seems to be equals, he is capable of being loved by someone as kind and good as Luke Skywalker DESPITE his many flaws and heinous choices. And like... that's an impressively compelling character journey, to see someone become the worst version of themselves it is possible to be and still be loved enough to make the choice to be better.

And it's not like I haven't enjoyed my fair share of selfish characters who do heinous things in my day, even within Star Wars itself. Some of my favorite characters include people like Saw Gerrera and Luthen Rael and Cassian Andor and Reva Sevander, ALL of whom made some pretty nasty choices or acted selfishly at some point or another. Reva is literally built to be a parallel and then foil FOR ANAKIN.

So it's not like I don't necessarily see the appeal of Anakin as this massively flawed character with sympathetic motivations for his immensely awful choices, someone who wanted to be good and, for a little while, WAS good, but who was led towards a dark path that he knew he shouldn't take but took anyway because he let his fears control him. Anakin making the mistakes he does is literally a cautionary tale, you're SUPPOSED to relate to him and see yourself in him, the story kind-of doesn't work if you don't in some ways.

So I think a lot of people who like him probably just see a lot of themselves in him, both good and bad. They project onto Anakin and sympathize with his motives and his struggles and, even though they know he's a screw-up, they root for him. They want him to get better because if someone like Anakin can get better, then so can they, so can we all. Anakin is a cautionary tale saying that even those of us with the best of intentions can lead ourselves down a road of selfishness if we aren't careful about our motives, but he's also a hopeful tale saying that even the WORST of us can lead ourselves back to a road of selflessness if we're willing to put in the effort. So you can feel sympathy for the first half and take strength from the second half of his story, depending on where you are in your life.

This is obviously all sort-of said in like the best faith interpretation of why people might like Anakin. There's plenty of people who like him as a power fantasy, people who see Anakin as this impressive strong character who takes down his abusers and takes control of his narrative by defying the prophecy and killing the Jedi. And, you know, everyone gets to take what they want out of stories of course, but boy do these people and I take VERY different things out of Star Wars. I curate my internet experience so I never have to have anything to do with these people, but they absolutely exist.

And at the end of the day, all of that is wrapped up in a character who, in one trilogy, is played by a very classically attractive actor who gets to kiss Natalie Portman and is occasionally funny, and in the other trilogy, is represented as this cool-looking villain in an imposing black costume with a skull helmet and cape and some memorable quotes. So while the deeper reasons for people's enjoyment of his character definitely exist, the surface-level ones are still there and can enhance that enjoyment a lot.

And I'm sure there's any number of other, smaller things that impacted people's reactions to Anakin. He was introduced as a child in TPM and so people who were expecting this young adult character already in the throes of darkness might've ended up seeing him very differently and relating to him on a whole different level. People might've ended up rooting for him because the representation of the Jedi was so far away from what they THOUGHT Jedi would be that they ended up liking Anakin simply because he's pitted against the Jedi they didn't like. Maybe some people didn't like him until TCW and they really appreciate THAT version of Anakin quite a lot, maybe especially his relationship with Ahsoka. Maybe some people just really fell for the doomed romance plotline with Padme. Maybe some people like him because Obi-Wan and Luke like him and those dynamics are intriguing to them.

But for me, Anakin has just never felt all that compelling. I was introduced to the Prequels first as a kid and I was far more invested in Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon (who were way funnier than Anakin ever was) and Padme (who had really pretty costumes). I didn't HATE Anakin by any means, but he wasn't all that funny, he didn't have the cooler action scenes for the first two films, and the romance plotline didn't hook me. I didn't mind Anakin as an accessory to Obi-Wan, but that was about as far as I went.

As I got older and more into the fandom, though, I started learning a lot more about the Jedi and why they WEREN'T the true villains of the Prequels the way everyone said they were and what Lucas's messages had actually been intended to be, and the romance with Padme just kept aging like milk, and my investment in the Jedi often meant defending them AGAINST people who saw them as no more than Anakin's abusers at worst, or a repressive society that unintentionally led Anakin to darkness at best. Arguing FOR the Jedi usually meant arguing AGAINST Anakin and pointing out all of the places HE was wrong and selfish and why the Jedi were RIGHT not to trust him. And the more passionate I got about defending the Jedi, the less and less I ended up liking Anakin. I wasn't overly invested in him in the first place, so it wasn't hard to take me from neutral to decidedly negative. Had I enjoyed him more as a kid, either in the Prequels or the Original Trilogy, maybe I would've landed in a different place with him, but I didn't. It didn't feel like any great loss to decide I didn't like him that much anymore. By comparison, I liked Padme a lot more as a kid and so even though I often find her just as selfish as Anakin, I like her a lot more usually.

So I get why people find him compelling, I really do, but he just doesn't speak to me. I highly doubt he ever will anymore.

#star wars #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical

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astrronomemes · 17 days

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LADY BIRD: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 2017 film Lady Bird. change & alter as needed.

"I wish I could live through something."

"Okay, fine, yours is the worst life of all. You win."

"You should just go to city college, with your work ethic. City college, and then to jail, and then back to city college. Maybe you'd learn how to pull yourself up and not expect everyone to do everything for you."

"You have a performative streak, I think."

"Everyone who auditioned got in. The part I got was basically me not getting in."

"That's something rich people do. We are not rich people."

"Oh, yeah, I remember you! You were wearing that dress."

"I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math."

"Have you ever been out of the country?"

"Why do you care what I do to my clothes?"

"My mom is always mad. It doesn't matter if I get home late. She'd be mad at me anyway."

"I think we're done with the learning portion of high school."

"I think [name] wants to make an entrance. She's mad we don't have a spiral staircase."

"What the hell is in that duffel bag?!"

"How do you know when it's working?"

"Your mom was really sad you weren't here tonight for Thanksgiving."

"Do you need money for the applications? Because I can help with that, too."

"I'm not paying you to flirt!"

"Yeah, sex is not a big deal. It's just that my mom called during it."

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna snitch on you."

"The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves."

"You are actually fucking evil. What is wrong with you?"

"When do you think is a normal time to have sex?"

"Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself. It just means that you're successful."

"You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you?"

"Yeah, well, you know your mom's tits? They're fake. Totally fake."

"Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong."

"You give me a number for how much it cost to raise me, and I'm going to get older and make a lot of money, and write you a check for what I owe you, so that I never have to speak to you again."

"I don't even sort of understand why somebody would lie about that."

"You're going to have so much un-special sex in your life."

"Don't you think maybe they're the same thing? Love and attention?"

"I just wish... I wish that you liked me."

"I want you to be the very best version of yourself you can be."

"You aren't going to get in the car with a guy who honks, are you?"

"I'm just crying. Some people aren't built happy, you know?"

"I'm going to miss the fuck out of you."

"Please, [name], please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened."

#rp meme #roleplay meme #rp memes #roleplay memes #dialogue memes #dialogue prompts #dialogue starters #ask memes #ask meme #inbox memes #inbox meme #sentence prompts #sentence memes #sentence starters

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nitrochiralfan · 2 months

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The Visual Symbolism of the True Route: Mirror symbolism

There's a lot of visual symbolism in the true route but one of the prominent symbols that stands out the most is the use of mirrors. It was talked about before in a post on Tumblr by someone but here I wanted to elaborate on it

This post will primarily focus on the original Japanese version of the game, not the Jast localization. Since it did the game dirty I wanted to go over the true context by looking at the Japanese version.

This post will cover the true route to those who haven’t played the game; a spoiler warning is now in effect.

Mirror

First, before we begin I want to talk about Mirrors in general and how they are used. The main purpose of mirrors is to show your appearance.

In a fictional sense, the mirror is used as a literary device to show your true self, mirrors show the reflection of ourselves and reflect our flaws and imperfections, the worst parts of ourselves we don’t like to look at. the mirror can reflect all the terrible aspects we don’t like about ourselves.

Literature uses this to highlight the similarities in characters which is used to reflect the theme “Equals” in Towa and Fujieda.

Towa and Maya

Going over mirror symbolism in the route the first ones to discuss are Towa and Maya.

Without a doubt Towa looks exactly like his mother, Towa got most of his appearance from Maya he's the spitting image of his mother many characters point out the resemblance and their claims are not unfounded if you put Towa and Maya together it's like looking at a mirror but it is not limited by their appearances.

Maya runs a store called Euphoria, the name that Towa would later take to use as his artist name. The store is a cabinet club for the wealthy but in reality, it is an establishment meant to fulfill the most twisted desires of man this is similar to what Towa does in his euphoria art sessions.

There is a scene in the opening song of Slow Damage when Towa smiles, when you compare the smile that Towa gives it resembles the one that Maya gave, Towa's smile looks like Maya when she was smiling. This is made to point out how much Maya influences Towa’s actions which is seen in the game.

When Towa’s resemblance to Maya in the Fujieda route is pointed out Towa shatters the mirror in his room because he is disgusted that he looks like the monster who ruined his life he attempts to hurt himself to scar his face to further reduce the resemblance it shows just how much this Towa fears Maya once he begins to remember her. Towa is afraid and hates his mother even hates the idea of inheriting her appearance because it is associated with his abuser. Towa sees himself as a copy of Maya not only because of his appearance but how his euphoria art sessions are similar to what Maya did.

The CG where Towa impersonates Maya to trick Sakaki mirrors that scene of Towa standing in front of the mirror even the position Towa in the CG is similar to the CG of Towa standing in front of the mirror. This points out that all along Sakaki only ever saw Maya in Towa, not himself this led to him being fooled and to his death.

Towa is viewed as a mirror to Maya by certain people including Maya herself no matter how much Maya can claim she loves her son the truth is Maya views Towa as a version of herself instead of his person she treats Towa as a doll, a toy, not a person that she molds and uses like clay, and is angry that he didn’t conform to her image.

Towa breaking the mirror is a metaphor and a foreshadowing of Towa tricking Sakaki and remaining himself in the good ending and that Towa isn’t Maya but himself. They may resemble each other as mother and son but Maya and Towa themselves are not similar which would get to our next part

Towa and Fujieda

I pointed out in a post that when you put both Towa and Fujieda together they reflect each other like a mirror. Their appearances serve as parallels reflecting off each other like a mirror.

Writing-wise they are similar to each other there are many parallels between Towa and Fujeida both had been abused by their parents resulting in the scars on their bodies, Fujieda's scars came from the abuse he received from his parents, and Towa's scars are made by his customers through his mother's euphoria sessions the abuse caused them to led them to lives of sexual debauchery as a result. Both of them hate their parents and cut off anything that is associated with them.

They both carry scars metaphorically and literally, a metaphor that they have the same pain and trauma.

There was something about the way Fujieda is first introduced to Towa in the game through the routes; his appearances mirror Towa’s state in the routes a post pointed this out before. Fujieda being an enigmatic person in the game to Towa and the audience is parallel to how Towa's past is a mystery to the audience.

There is the visual symbolism of the CGS in the route to analyze, this is seen in the placement of the characters Towa and Fujieda in the CG, in the route has them facing each other like standing in front of a mirror correlating to the mirror symbolism.

For the significance of those CGs:

This happened when both Fujieda and Towa escaped from being shot by the yakuza as they fled from the Takasato group away from the rain Towa and Fujieda fled to his condo and they went into his apartment and changed clothes Fujieda was apprehensive about changing in front of Towa than Towa provokes him in a childish rage Fujieda undresses than after what Towa saw catches him off guard Fujieda had scars littered across his upper torso mirrors how Towa own body appeared. it is the moment when Towa realizes that maybe they aren't so different This scene shows that Fujieda has more than meets the eye

There is visual symbolism sprinkled throughout this CG,

It shows us Fujieda’s back with his entire torso littered with scars Fujieda has his back turned only focusing on Towa’s reactions, it doesn’t show Fujieda's face primarily only focusing on Towa’s expressions. The placement in the CG is both characters facing each other. Both Towa and Fujieda are half naked with scared bodies much like looking at the mirror.

In another scene in the game when Fujieda attacks Towa, Fujieda overcome with sorrow after learning the truth, lashes out at Towa believing that Towa is just as culpable as Maya he is furious that he had no idea that Towa’s a victim of Maya despite Towa being her son. Fujieda is finding a tangible way of getting revenge for Mei. This mirrors how Towa attacked Fujieda in their first meeting in the playground when he is overcome with his PTSD symptoms from remembering the past.

After they visited the ruins of euphoria the trip to the store changed their mindsets leading to this cg the next cg balances hope and despair.

Here Towa is draped in despair after he recovers his memories from the ruins of euphoria he sees no reason to live anymore the pain of what happened to him destroys him from learning the truth about his past He is overcome with survivor's guilt and despair and felt his life isn’t worth living any longer when an innocent life like Mei’s died for his sake.

While Fujieda stands in hope.

Fujieda talks down Towa from a suicide attempt he doesn’t say simple platitudes about how life will get better or that Towa has so much to live for he acknowledges the pain this information causes him. But Towa’s life is still valuable just as Mei's life was valuable. this is coming from a personal place about Fujieda, Fujieda dealt with suicidal thoughts and hopes to die once his mission to find Mei's fate is complete he didn’t start the route with the confidence to live despite the pain.

Fujieda went through the same thing Towa went through at the beginning of the route. Fujieda is the only person who understands Towa at that moment. visual representation of this during the suicide confrontation reflects off of each other Fujieda is Towa in this scene this further emphasizes that Fujieda is Towa's mirror After their visit Fujieda realizes that Towa was just as hurt as he was and seems to regret his actions he now knows that Towa is a victim of abuse. Towa’s pain is acknowledged.

Fujieda knew that Towa reminded him of himself and deep down knew that this was the very reason why it caused him to repel from Towa due to how similar they are. He reflected all the aspects of Fujieda that he tried to bury deep inside of himself. The reason he doesn’t think Towa reminded Fujieda of himself before is that it would be like admitting that his existence is just as miserable as Towa’s.

This scene is where Fujieda finally acknowledges their similarities to each other. in the way they are each other's mirror, Towa is Fujieda’s mirror just as Fujieda acts as Towa's mirror

Afterward, In the bathroom, Fujieda and Towa face each other parallels both scenes of Towa standing in front of the mirror shower referencing the rain as a callback to the apartment after they got the rain when Towa first saw Fujieda's scars. Towa requests to see Fujieda's scars wishing to take solace in the sight then to this beautiful CG

Fujieda and Towa are facing each other naked in the shower covered in scars standing in front of each other this is like looking in a mirror. This shows solidarity and comfort in their similarity

Next to the sex scene. The sex scene is an accumulation of their feelings. Towa feels comfortable being touched by Fujieda. he is overwhelmed to be touched by someone similar to him. In the sex scene, Towa touches Fujieda’s scars Fujieda and Towa understand their pain and trauma. This is about Towa making sure that their pain, trauma, and experiences are on their bodies. It alone was enough if they both understood.

Yeah, he has Taku and Rei but he never finds someone to whom he can relate or even acknowledge his pain. Fujieda understands what Towa has been through in the way Taku and Rei don't. Towa has someone to whom he can relate, and pushes himself to better himself that is why Fujieda is around to help Towa process his trauma to heal from it.

They are similar to each other, yet different, so they're equal.

#slow damage #fujieda ryo #towa slow damage #ryo fujieda #fujitowa #towa #maya slow damage #my meta

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blainesebastian · 2 years

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coffee cart girl (pt3)

words: 2,703 ship: austin x female reader summary: you’re the coffee runner on the set of Elvis. Coffee deliveries run pretty easy, until Austin accidently spills coffee on you. notes: I really appreciate the continued support--the comments, reblogs, likes, and asks have been so lovely! thank you :) part 1 is here, part 2 is here. if you’d like to be added or removed from the tag list, please let me know warnings: none tag list: @pearlparty, @theinvisiblecapricorn, @kittenlittle24, @andrewgarfields-girlfriend, @mirandastuckinthe80s, @nonsensical-nonce, @softlispoken, @dudinhahoff, @peterparke-r, @lottiee03, @little-diable, @therealwriter17 , @bob-the-tomato-senpai, @bcofl0ve, @domaniquessidehoe

You’re gone from set for about a week.

Your sister visits first, unexpected, but you have a few days to take so you do. Sal doesn’t seem to care because they’ve got a replacement coffee girl to make rounds and you’d rather enjoy your time with your sibling uninterrupted. The moment you’re geared back to go to work, you come down with the flu—and it’s three days of fever, the sniffles, and sleeping a headache away.

By the time Monday rolls around again you’re brand new but almost feel slightly disoriented at being away from that amount of time. It takes a bit to get back into the groove of things, and the slight change in location doesn’t help. Moving to a larger set, it’s the carnival scene spread out amongst the tents and trailers tucked in the back of the lot. It’s quite a sight, actually, even a full working old-fashioned Ferris wheel where Colonel Parker will reign in Elvis on signing a deal with him.

You find yourself distracted by the lights and sounds, wondering if there will be a break in shooting where you can wander through, take a peek. Would be really cool to see.

“Welcome back, glad to see you’re not on your deathbed anymore.”

You smile lightly, turning to see Jillian hovering nearby. It is good to see her, she was one of the only people who messaged you to check in while you were sick. She’s a good friend. “I missed you too.”

Jillian hums, moving to sit down on a bench nearby as you fill last-call coffee orders. You both have been rather busy all day, lots of moving parts to scenes, to getting people ready, to delivering what’s being asked. You’re glad you’re finally able to talk…and that you, surprisingly, have not run into Austin today. Your brain keeps replaying the last time you saw him, even after days have gone by.

You can’t stop thinking about how abruptly you left his trailer—it's one of those things that seemingly gets worse every time you think about it, but maybe it wasn’t actually so bad when it happened. Feelings and emotions tend to warp reality until we hold the worst version of ourselves in our hands.

The sky is bleeding orange into pink as the sun begins to go down, making the carnival lights pop that much more against the backdrop.

“So…are you gonna tell me about it?”

You sigh evenly, glancing over at the redhead as you complete coffee orders. It’s so engrained into you that you can multitask—filling cups and glaring at Jillian.

“What?” She grins, “I waited until you were better before I asked.”

“How kind of you,” Deadpan, but she’s snickering and that pulls at the corners of your mouth. “Nothing happened.”

“Bullshit, okay? Austin isn’t inviting me, or anyone else for that matter, into his trailer to sit on his couch.” She pokes at your hip, making you jerk away from her. “So spill.”

And that’s what you almost do, spill the coffee you’ve just made. The thing is, you almost take her up on her offer—to divulge what happened, to tell her what you guys talked about, if only to highlight how much it isn’t that big of a deal. But no matter how the words spin, it’s going to be taken out of proportion. Just nature of the beast at this point.

“I brought him coffee; he played the guitar—we talked.” Cliff-notes, perfectly organized as if your heart isn’t beating out of your chest.

“What?” She screeches, grabbing your arm.

“Jillian!” You off-set her as best you can, thanking whoever’s watching out for you that the tray of coffee you’ve organized doesn’t accidently tumble onto your feet from your friend’s jerky movements.

“How are you not freaking out about this?” She laughs, eyes sparkling like a pond on a bright sunny day.

You are—there’s just…what’s the benefit of allowing yourself to fall freely into emotions like that. Over a few interactions? Yeah, you talk and swap personal anecdotes and you heard him sing, so what? A bunch of people on set have. You’re not about to walk around here like you’re somehow special or better than anyone else.

And maybe, just maybe, you’re a tiny bit afraid of how much those conversations have meant…what if that’s all they are? Passing exchanges?

“Oh,” Jillian says quietly after a few moments, “You are freaking out about this.”

You sigh, glancing around to make sure they’re alone. “I just don’t think there’s any use in getting my hopes up.” A crush on Austin Butler makes a lot of sense—how could you not? Pushing physical looks aside, there’s plenty more to write home about.

Jillian smooths your hair down, brushing it over your shoulder with a small smile, “It’s okay to like him, you know. Just enjoy the day-to-day while it lasts?”

You give her a soft smile back, nodding before you pick up the tray of coffee. Your feelings for Austin aren’t what’s concerning you.

Not exactly, anyways.

Bringing the empty tray to your chest, you turn on your heel to navigate through the trailers to sit back on the picnic table and work on your script for a little. It’s going to be a late night on set, maybe even into the early morning. You’re only scheduled for the next hour, so you figure taking it easy and seeing if anyone needs anything else should work out. Easing back into the week is just what you need.

Turning the corner, you bump right into someone—and really at this point it should come to no surprise that the universe is fucking with you.

“Hey,” Austin smiles down at you, his hand catching your elbow to steady your backstep. “Was beginnin’ to think you started working for a different film set.”

A soft laugh leaves your lips and you shake your head, “Just had some time off—my sister came to visit and then I was sick.”

“Glad to see you’re better,” His eyes flicker over you, almost an air of concern. It’s then you realize he hasn’t let go of your elbow, the slightest of pressure from his fingers against your skin.

“I noticed you weren’t on any of my coffee orders today. You start drinkin’ tea or something? Strictly Starbucks?”

He grins, his hand moving to run a hand through his hair. You swear you can still feel the heat of his fingertips—you concentrate on something else; the Elvis look he’s pulling off today. The white slacks and black lace shirt, it’s utterly ridiculous how good he looks. It almost feels like you’re staring but…it’s hard to glance away, so much to take in. These clothes were made for him to wear, you’re sure no other actor could pull this role off.

“The girl doin’ the runs, Sarah, she’s nice but she constantly got my order wrong.”

You smile a little—seems like Austin would be considerate about that though, no Frank-sized tantrums. Clearing your throat, you tilt your head when looking up at him, “Thought you were into the whole ‘surprise me’ thing.”

“I only let one coffee girl do that.”

You can’t help but grin because that response is smooth—and yet, you hope he means it. It’s not often that someone else makes you feel utterly speechless, actually it’s usually the exact opposite. You’re a talker, even when nervous, so the fact that you’re searching for words right now is so unlike you.

“So it’s uh, it was mostly the carnival scenes today?”

Austin smiles a little at the shift in conversation, licking his lips as he sticks his hands into his pockets. “Yeah,” He glances past you towards the set, “Ferris wheel got stuck though in the middle of shooting, so they had to reset.”

“It got stuck?” A laugh, “You weren’t on it, were you?”

His eyes are bright as he’s smiling, taking a step towards you as he talks, “Oh yeah, I was on it with Tom, they went to shift us into the air and we got about halfway and then just—dead stop.”

You cover your mouth with one of your hands, really trying not to laugh at this predicament because you’re sure it was nerve wracking to say the least. “You scared of heights?”

He pauses a moment as if to weigh that question, “Well I wasn’t before that.”

You tip your head back a little as a small fit of giggles escape, almost can’t help it, cheeks warming from amusement. You can just picture it—the Ferris wheel creaking to a stop with Tom and Austin completely clueless and confused, in costume, waiting to figure out if the crew could get the machine to work again or if they’d need some sort of fire department to come help.

“S’not funny, I could still be stuck up there,” Austin’s smiling though, shaking his head. “Or the whole thing coulda plummeted.”

You cover your mouth more completely this time before nodding because right, totally not funny. Agree. You look up at him as he stands in front of you, that smile still fixed on his face and you realize…how close he’s really hovering and just how blue his eyes are. There are flecks of yellow there in the iris that you don’t think you would have noticed otherwise.

You realize you’re holding your breath when your lungs start to burn a little, your eyes grazing along the fullness of his lower lip—

“There’s a hall of mirrors too, right?”

Austin blinks, instantly thrown off by your question. If you could kick yourself, you would—it’s as if your tongue has a mind of its own, shifting the charged moment to a question thrown out into the air. He clears his throat, pulling back slightly and—are his cheeks the softest of pinks or is that trick of the light?

“Yeah, there’s a hall of mirrors.” He motions with his chin past the Ferris wheel and then, “You wanna go through it?”

You make a psh sound with your lips because, “Absolutely not.” You’ve seen far too many horror movies start out that way, set design or not.

Austin laughs, reaching down for your hand—he’s apparently not taking no for an answer, “C’mon.”

“Austin.”

Ignoring you, he continues forward, his hand warm and solid against your own. His tug is insistent but not too fast paced, your eyes glancing over the muscles flexing in his arms as you weave through the trailers to reach the hall of mirrors. It’s late, seems like most the crew has packed up for the night. Some of the celebrities, you’ve learned from past sets, sleep in their trailers with late nights and early calls because it’s easier than going home.

You wonder if Austin ever does that—he might have been heading back to his trailer to change out of his Elvis look…though you’re not exactly complaining that you bumped into him this way.

Approaching the hall of mirrors, Austin tugs open the door, the inside illuminated in bright colors—an archway of orange with fat bulbs, the walls an iridescent blue, silver metal holding the mirrors into place. You crinkle your nose, already shaking your head…this seems like a bad idea. It’s so ironic because you’re the first one in line for a haunted house come Halloween, loving the chance to be scared in a safe setting, holding onto someone’s hand or arm as you work your way through the maze.

This…feels different though, for whatever reason.

Probably has everything to do with Austin wearing that shirt and it being reflected to you in a hundred different mirrors.

The door gently closes behind and you wonder, briefly, what the trick is for filming in a space like this. With all the reflective surfaces, it’s got to be tricky. Austin lets go of your hand as you explore the space, seeing your reflection repeated in the walls—endless. The mirrors twist and turn, making it feel like it’s somehow a small and large space all at the same time. There has to be multiple exits to this thing, it being a set piece, it’s not real. They can’t really get lost in here…can they?

And yet, you feel some sort of silly apprehension grip your stomach when you pause to look around a corner, as if something is going to jump out at you. Which makes no sense—

It doesn’t take long for Austin to become aware of your uneasiness. Between one lingering gaze around the edge of a mirror to another small alcove, he comes up beside you and grabs your hips briefly with an exclaimed rah noise.

You nearly jump right out of your goddamn skin. You whirl on him and smack his chest and he’s laughing, a full body one that somehow makes his eyes a brighter blue and his cheeks the softest of pinks. It’s then you notice that his shirt is decidedly unbuttoned halfway, a damn good look.

“You asshole!” You shout but you’re laughing, going in for another smack.

Austin catches your wrist with his hand, gently squeezing. “Couldn’t resist.”

You let out a long breath, the grip he has on you relaxes until your palm rests against his chest, fingers curling against black lace. Your heartbeat begins to normalize, no longer throbbing against your eardrums and you shake your head fondly,

“So annoying.” You mutter, mostly to yourself.

But because of your proximity, Austin hears you, his eyebrows arching up in amusement. “Oh so now I’m annoying.”

He’s standing there, black hair swept back except for two strands over his forehead, eyes a sharp blue in this light, skin warm underneath her fingertips, sandalwood mixed with something else wafting to your nose. You can feel the flutter of his heartbeat along your fingertips, making your stomach flutter all the way up into your chest.

So unfair, so easily handsome, completely knocking down all the walls and defenses you naturally put up to protect yourself.

You look up at him, a cheeky smirk on your lips. “Pretty sure it’s a consistent thing.”

One moment there’s this short laugh, mostly a breath through Austin’s nose, and then he’s leaning forward and down and kissing you. It’s quick, just a warm press of his lips, his hand falling from holding yours on his chest to rest against one of the mirrors behind you.

You blink, taking a step back and when you look up at him again—his lips are fuller, almost a bit pinker than before, eyes lidded as his breathing seems slightly uneven. You can understand, your heart feels like it’s about to pound out of your chest, echoing against your eardrums. Did that…really just happen?

He misreads your expression, “Sorry—I—”

The last thing you want him to do is apologize for that, to regret it. You shake your head lightly, “Did you mean it?”

It wasn’t a mistake, right? He feels it too, there’s something on both sides. It might not make complete sense and you might not have the words to describe it, but it’s there: mutual attraction, the spark, the questioning and lingering sensation that there’s something else there, something more, just out of reach.

Austin considers you for a moment, moving his other hand to cup your cheek. He runs his thumb along your lower lip, your heartrate racing in the pulse of your neck. You can almost taste the saltiness of his skin—

“I meant it.” He says and no sooner do the words leave his mouth are you pressing yourself up onto your toes.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, drawing him down into another kiss. As one hand seems to gather up the fabric of his lace shirt between your fingers, the other rests along the nape of his neck, keeping him close. His hands are equally busy, one along your spine while the other entangles itself in your hair.

Even though your eyes are closed as you kiss, you can feel the mirrors that surround you, reminding you of exactly what you’re doing.

But those consequences are for tomorrow.

Thank you so much for reading! More to come :)

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler drabble #elvis 2022 #mccall writes things #ccg #ccg series #mas

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sixminutestoriesblog · 4 months

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the yule cat

For most of us with cats, the worst thing we worry about come Christmastime is keeping them from utterly trashing our Christmas trees.

Iceland however has a whole other thing to be worried about when it comes to cats and Christmas.

To quote the title of an article by Danny Lewis in the Smithsonian Magazine (because it is far too perfect to not):

Each Christmas, Iceland’s Yule Cat Takes Fashion Policing to the Extreme

So, what is the Yule Cat and why is he in critiquing Iceland's Christmas clothes?

Freyja's cats aren't the only felines in town. The Yule Cat, the Jólakötturinn, also known as the Christmas Cat, is a gigantic cat the size of a house that roams the darkness of Iceland in the nights leading up to Christmas eve, peering with glowing eyes in through windows. What is he looking for? The Yule Cat is checking everyone's Christmas presents. Not for cans of tuna or kitty snacks. Oh no, the Yule Cat is looking to see who hasn't gotten any new clothes wrapped up and waiting for them.

No new clothes?

The Yule Cat will hunt the unfortunate victim down and tear them apart before eating them. (in other, gentler tales, he simple eats their Christmas 'portion' of dinner)

Still, seems a bit extreme a response to grandma forgetting to knit you yet another one of those hats with the pom-poms on top, doesn't it?

Still, that's the deal. Adults and children alike better be grateful for those packs of new underwear under the tree. Those socks are going to do more than keep their feet warm - those socks are going to save their life!

So, we've got to ask ourselves - why would new clothes be so important that folklore would come up with a monster enforcing them? Is it all a ploy just to make sure Johannes is grateful when he gets that ugly sweater instead of the toy train he was gunning for when he unwraps his presents?

Well, like most things in folklore, if you go back far enough, things get blurry. The first written mention we have of the Yule Cat is in a collection of folklore gathered by Jon Árnason in 1862. In it, the Yule Cat gets exactly one paragraph and a footnote. The footnote is the important part. It mentions a colloquial phrase of the time: "to dress the cat". 'To dress the cat' means to wear the same clothes over and over again, the idea being that cats don't change their 'clothes'.

There was also a tradition that household servants and farm workers that helped turn the season's wool into yarn would receive new clothes as a reward for their work. Those who didn't - didn't get new clothes. You can see how the Yule Cat would come in handy as motivation in this case. It also worked as a motivator for children to finish their chores in the same way, with good children getting rewarded with clothes and bad children being left as fair game for the Cat.

In 1932, Jóhannes úr Kötlum published a collection of poems centered around Christmas and one of his poems featured the Yule Cat. The Yule Cat's popularity soared and the monster soon found itself lumped in together with other Christmastime monsters from the book, becoming the pet of the evil troll, Gryla and ridden by one of her mischievous Yule Lad sons, tiny Stufur.

But wait - let's go back a bit further before we wrap this up. Because there's been some speculation that the Christmas Cat isn't just about new clothes. We need to go back, back to early St. Nick stories, when it wasn't so much Santa and his elves and reindeer. When St. Nick was, as so many winter myths are, only part of the story. Because you can't have good without evil, generosity without greed or light without darkness. Santa Claus doesn't come without Krampus in his shadow. Reward doesn't come without the threat of punishment. Krampus is only one Christmas monster but almost every region had their own version of a dark something lurking in Santa's footsteps. Perhaps, so the theory goes, the Yule Cat was once just such a creature, back when stories were still new at Christmas time and winters crept long and cold in the nights of the snow covered lands. For every saint, there must be a devil.

Which brings us to today. Because there are no stories about the Yule Cat skipping a meal because the child's parents were too poor to afford to buy new clothes.

Maybe the best way we can celebrate the Yule Cat stories today is by making sure no children ever have to think of him as anything more than a shadow that peers in their window - and then passes by.

#yule cat #christmas cat #christmas #folklore #superstition #cottagecore #iceland #yule lads #gryla #jolakotturinn #monster #st. nick #st. nicholas #santa claus #freyja #cat

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